Cyberslam 1999
Date: April 3, 1999
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,200
Commentator: Joey Styles

 

It’s another internet convention show which is really just a glorified house show. The main event is a six man steel cage match called Ultimate Jeopardy which is more or less ECW’s version of WarGames. It’s hard to describe until we get there but it’s a different idea to be sure. Other than that there isn’t much because this isn’t a particularly huge show. Let’s get to it.

 

The intro (a much faster version of it) hits within the first minute. That’s a bit of an improvement over it hitting after an hour last year.

 

Jerry Lynn vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri

 

Tajiri is a face here and just some new young guy. Not quite the Japanese Buzzsaw yet. Lynn is rapidly shooting up the ranks and is either about to feud with RVD or already has started. They hit the mat very quickly but neither can get any advantage so it’s a standoff. Jerry grabs a leg lock and Tajiri can’t roll through it. He escapes though and shifts to a hold of his own, in this case a bow and arrow.

 

It’s another standoff as the fans cheer. Lynn grabs an inverted Gory Special but the Japanese guy escapes the Mexican hold by the American and they speed things up again. Lynn sends him to the floor and nails a decent dive off the top. Back inside and Tajiri puts on an Octopus Hold and then the Tarantula. Nice back and forth stuff so far here.

 

There’s the handspring elbow and they go outside again. Lynn gets suplexed over the railing and Tajiri busts out a picture perfect Asai Moonsault to take Lynn out again. Back in and the future Buzzsaw gets caught in an inverted DDT for two. Tajiri fires off a kick and Lynn is all like BRING IT ON and so Tajiri kicks him in the chest and Lynn is all like ME FALL DOWN NOW.

 

Lynn gets a dropkick into the corner and fires off some overhand chops to take over. Tajiri escapes something out of the corner and fires off chops of his own. Lynn goes into the Tree of Woe for the baseball slide for two. They go to the corner where Lynn comes out with a running powerbomb for two. Tajiri dropkicks the knee and La Majistral gets two. And never mind as Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver for the quick pin. Ending came totally out of nowhere.

 

Rating: B. This was a nice back and forth match to make the whole thing look good. Apparently Lynn was debuting the piledriver here. Very fun match although the lack of selling got old fast. Still though, the ECW fans will let you know when there’s a good match going on and this was one of those occasions. For once they were right.

 

Here are Lance Storm and the too hot to be human Dawn Marie. Storm is in WCW Monday Night Jericho shirt. This was during the time where Jericho was being totally wasted in WCW and used in pointless comedy matches and never moving up the card at all. Storm says this is about Tommy Dreamer, not Jericho. Dreamer has been claiming that Storm is on the gas (steroids).

 

The fans chant HAPPY BIRTHDAY, totally missing the point of the segment. Storm says that he gets his integrity from training in the Dungeon in Calgary, not from a vial. Storm says he’s the best build professional athlete this side of a negative drug test. Dawn pulls out a bottle of Storm’s urine. Ok then. He wants Dreamer to provide a sample of his own. If you don’t know where this segment ends, you have no right to be reading this.

 

Dreamer comes out and Joey is mad at him for it. Cyrus comes out and distracts Dreamer and Storm jumps him. Dreamer fights back and manages to get a DDT to take Storm out. And of course the urine winds up on Storm’s unconscious face. Well this was totally pointless.

 

Rod Price vs. Nova

 

Nova is more famous as Simon Dean. Price is a big muscle guy that looks about 55 years old. Price gets taken down quickly but takes over with basic power. Snap suplex puts Nova down and Price hammers away for awhile. Nova goes to the middle rope and hits a clothesline but can’t get much going overall.

 

Skull Von Crush (Big Vito), who is Price’s partner, comes out to hammer on Nova a bit as well. Nova’s partner Chris Chetti comes out for the save and it’s a double brawl. Nova hits a baseball slide to Price and then the good guys fire off a pair of dives. The Tidal Wave (splash/top rope legdrop off the same corner) pins Price. Big mess but I like the Tidal Wave so this was fine.

 

Price and Crush fight post match with Price beating him down. Scratch that as Crush gets a DDT to leave Price laying.

 

El Mosco vs. Super Crazy

 

A handful (and I mean like 4 people) might know Mosco as X-Fly from Los Perros Del Mal and AAA in Mexico. Both guys are really young here and Mosco is in a mask. Mosco sends Crazy to the floor and teases a dive but stays in the ring instead. They go into one of those cool looking yet very choreographed lucha libre sequences that takes like 40 seconds to go through and results in exchanged armdrags and a standoff.

 

Mosco misses a dropkick in the corner so of course the fans have to tell him he messed up. Crazy goes to the floor and Mosco dives on him in a not that great looking move. Crazy makes up for it by busting out the Crazy Special , which is a big springboard moonsault to Mosco who is in the first row. Back in a middle rope moonsault gets two. Another gets the same count.

 

Crazy fires off ten punches in the corner. Mosco is now Crazy’s archnemesis despite this being his ECW/American debut. Slingshot hilo by Mosco to the floor and both guys are down. Rana off the top gets two. Makes sense as it was a bit sloppy. Crazy goes to the floor again and launches Mosco into the crowd again. There’s another moonsault to put Mosco down in the crowd one more time.

 

Back in the ring and Mosco throws on some kind of arm trap neck hold which is hard to describe. And we’ve lost Joey. Both guys get victory rolls for two and they speed things up for a few seconds, only for Mosco to get a clothesline to take Crazy down. Mosco hits some kind of spinning 450 for two. Mosco slams crazy off the top but misses a moonsault. Powerbomb gets two for Crazy. He wastes time though and gets caught in a sunset flip off the top. Crazy takes him down again and a frog splash ends this.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty much just random lucha libre here but it was entertaining enough. I don’t know much of X-Fly but he’s getting a huge push in Mexico at the moment so there must be something to him. Crazy would get a bigger role about a year later, becoming TV Champion which he would lose to Rhyno.

 

Taka Michinoku vs. Papa Chulo

 

Chulo is more famous as Essa Rios. The fans chant welcome back to Taka. This goes very fast right from the beginning with Taka sending Chulo to the floor and hitting a big dive to take him down. Back in and a seated dropkick hits Chulo. Modified half crab goes on and it’s time for chops. Chulo does one of those Sin Cara style moves that looks great but the spins and flips really add nothing to the wrist drag.

 

Chulo goes up and misses a 450. He manages to crotch Taka though and a rana gets two. Taka grabs a tornado DDT for two with the kneeling cover. Chulo backdrops him to the floor but his dive gets broken up. Taka jumps into a dropkick but the Mexican can’t hit the Japanese with a German. A second tornado DDT is blocked and Papi hits a missile dropkick to send Taka to the floor for a big somersault dive to the floor.

 

The fans have switched sides over to Papi now. If he has Lita with him I’d be behind him too. Suplex back in doesn’t work but Taka can’t suplex him back out either. Taka is crotched again but manages a springboard missile dropkick to the back of the head. Michinoku Driver doesn’t work and neither does a moonsault. Chulo tries a powerbomb which is reversed into a powerbomb by Taka. He sets for a reverse suplex but drops him down into the Driver for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Not much here and after the previous match this was a little repetitive. Chulo would get a lot more famous with that fire redhead he picked up in the WWF. Pretty much a nothing match though as it only was there for a few minutes. Taka would be back in the WWF soon enough.

 

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

 

Should be good. RVD is also a tag champion here. A big anti-Vince chant starts up and we’re ready to go. They shake hands and we have no Joey again. Standoff to start and Van Dam does his pointing thing. They start with some technical stuff and RVD has a slight advantage early on. Just feeling each other out here. Quick spinning leg drop by Rob is the first real offensive move of the match but it doesn’t do anything.

 

The fans chant that Scorpio has lost weight. Is there anything they won’t cheer for? Hey there’s Joey again. Rob takes him down again and stops to pose. Scorpio gets a butterfly suplex to take over. RVD gets all mad for some reason and pounds away on Scorpio, beating him down in the corner. Both try spin kicks but only Rob’s hits. Scorpio takes over again and signals for the 450.

 

It’s way too early for that though so he picks Van Dam up and DDTs him instead. Double springboard moonsault gets two. NICE superkick sends Van Dam down. Modified Jackhammer gets two. Scorpio chops away and Van Dam tries a spin kick. It totally misses and thankfully Scorpio doesn’t move. Out to the floor and Rob hits a huge dive into the crowd. The man can jump with the best of them.

 

Back in a slingshot legdrop gets two for the champ. There’s Rolling Thunder for two. Does Fonzie ever shut up? Rob tries one of his flips into the corner but he gets caught in a German. Somersault legdrop gets two for Scorpio. Something similar to Shock Treatment sets up a top rope splash for two. Back to the floor we go and it’s table time. What appeared to be a bicycle kick puts Van Dam down and Scorpio puts him on the table.

 

It’s bridged between the ring and the railing as I’m sure you’ve seen before. Van Dam avoids the dive but Scorpio puts the brakes on. Clothesline puts RVD down and 2 Cold grabs a chair. Back inside now and the fans aren’t thrilled with Rob protecting himself from the chair shot. Scorpio puts the chair on RVD’s face and drops a top rope leg on it from the top.

 

Here’s Sabu, the partner of Van Dam. He jumps Scorpio and puts him on the table. They hate each other so a double jump Air Sabu puts Scorpio through the table. Fonzie is all ticked off at his client (Sabu) for risking injury like that. Oh please there wasn’t even any fire involved. This is mild for Sabu. Back in the ring they speed it up a bit and Scorpio gets a powerbomb for tow. Fonzie shoves Scorpio off the top and there’s the Van Daminator. Five Star ends this.

 

Rating: B. I liked this one quite a bit. Scorpio is one of the better guys in the ring and this was no exception to that. Van Dam was rather good at this point and it showed here. He and Lynn were in the middle of their feud at this point but I liked this better than most of their matches. Solid match where they kept the violence down and it didn’t get distracting, which is a huge perk.

 

They shake hands post match.

 

ECW World Title: Chris Candido vs. Taz

 

These two fought countless times in title matches so at least they know each other really well. Candido has Sunny in a bikini and a see-thru robe on. I can work with this. Also he has some unrecognizable guy you may have heard of named Steve Corino. He’s so young here it’s unreal. Candido says he’s never tapped out to anything and he’s not doing it here to Taz. Candido offers to make it falls count anywhere and Taz accepts.

 

Candido chops away and gets punched for his troubles. Out to the floor they go and Taz is in the crowd. Big dive into what might have been a clothesline takes Taz down and they go back to ringside. Uh scratch that as they’re in the crowd again. They brawl around for a bit with Taz mainly in control. Dang it as soon as I write that Candido takes over again. That gets really annoying.

 

They’re in the crowd for the third time in about five minutes. They fight past the fans into what looks like a merchandise stand. Thankfully the camera switches so you can see. Tazplex gets two. It’s very helpful that this is falls count anywhere because it keeps these parts from being pointless padding. Candido drops an elbow for two. They head back to the ring to a welcome back chant.

 

Delayed vertical suplex gets no cover for Chris. Diving headbutt gets a delayed cover for two. The fans want to see Sunny’s chest and I can’t blame them. She and Francine need to just flash the crowd and get it over with. Wheelbarrow suplex by Taz puts Candido down but Candido gets something resembling a slingshot belly to back suplex for two. Taz gets a big sitout powerbomb but can’t cover.

 

There’s a release Tazplex and the champion is in control again. And of course as soon as I say that a thumb to the eye sets up a Candido powerbomb for no cover again. Candido sets for the Blonde Bombshell (top rope powerbomb) but Taz counters into a head and arms super Tazplex. Candido pops up and grabs a chain which he blasts Taz with for two.

 

It’s Table Time and Taz is mostly back up. They slug it out somewhat which Candido wins with a thumb to the eye. Taz grabs a Tazmission but suplexes Candido through the table with it instead of going for the submission. The bell rings for no apparent reason and apparently Candido has hurt his neck.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty decent main event style brawl here as these two had some chemistry at times. The selling became an issue again here as a big move would hit and then they would be up five seconds later. Nothing great but for what it was this was totally fine. Taz would lose the title a few months later.

 

The crowd yells at Taz post match so Taz goes out and puts the Tazmission on Candido. Since the fans in ECW are freaking crazy, they cheer for the assault on a guy that might have a broken neck.

 

Shane Douglas vs. Justin Credible

 

Shane curses a lot at Justin before we get going. This is one of Shane’s very last matches in ECW as he would head to WCW for good in just a few weeks. They chop it out but Shane gets some rolling vertical suplexes. This was before Three Amigos and possibly before Rolling Germans (although I don’t think so on that one). Goardbuster and a rolling neck snap to Justin.

 

Justin fires off some chops in the corner but Shane fires back. Out to the floor we go which has been a running theme tonight. It’s table time again as Shane sets one up in the ring. Jason and some chick that has no name yet (Jazz) help Justin back in because the best thing to do to your buddy is to throw him into the ring where a guy that wants to kill him has a weapon.

 

Shane goes up but Jazz helps Justin put him through the table. They chop it out in the corner again but Justin gets a superkick to put him down. Middle rope elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock. Shane fights up and gets a sunset flip, only to get taken down by a clothesline. Out to the floor again and Shane goes into the post, busting him way open.

 

The fans are totally behind Shane here but a low blow stops his comeback cold. Back to a chinlock which Justin puts no crank on at all. Here’s another table, this time in the corner. Wrestling law #1 comes into play as Justin goes into it since he set it up. That only gets two so Shane puts the Figure Four on because he hates Ric Flair so much. Jazz comes in and it’s catfight time with Francine.

 

Both guys grabs canes and they have a duel. Shane gets some kind of kick to put Justin down. Here’s Jason who has a broken neck. Francine spears him down and Shane puts a full nelson on him. It leaves him open to a superkick from Justin though which gets two. Thesz Press puts Justin down and they speed things up a lot. Justin grabs a Stunner of all things to put Shane down. Justin goes up but jumps into an atomic drop and the Pittsburgh Plunge (Fisherman’s DDT with a cradle) ends this.

 

Rating: C-. Neither guy has ever really done much of anything for me. It’s not a horrible match but it dragged on a good bit at various times. Shane would be gone in about two weeks after beating Justin a few more times so this was kind of meaningless in a sense. Either way, not bad, but Justin and Shane are rather dull in the ring most of the time and are better suited on the mic.

 

Post match Storm comes out for the double beatdown and Shane takes a caining. Dreamer comes in for the save but gets in a single trashcan shot before going down also. The fans want Sid but he never shows up and the Impact Players stand tall.

 

Time for the main event so the Dudleys do their big long intro outside the cage. Bubba says there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that they’re here. The bad news is that New Jack isn’t going to be here because he changed his mind like 40 minutes ago. Time for some Gertner but Bubba cuts him off because he wants to fight.

 

Dudley Boys/Mustapha Saed vs. Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten/New Jack

 

There’s no New Jack at this point so it’s a handicap match to start. We stall a lot before the match starts as the fans want the Great Saske to replace New Jack. It would certainly be an upgrade. Actually this is a concept called Ultimate Jeopardy (not that ECW bothered to tell us this or anything) so it’s ECW’s WarGames, meaning Balls vs. D-Von starts us off.

 

Joey really likes using that cabbage in a coleslaw line. D-Von goes into the cage a few times and a superkick puts him down. All Mahoney so far as he goes up top and hits a splash. The countdown begins and here’s Bubba. You can win by pin or submission but not until everyone is in the ring. Balls hammers away and hits a low blow to keep Bubba in the corner but a bleeding D-Von gets some shots in.

 

Balls manages to fight them both off for awhile at least. Bubba manages to grabs a Rock Bottom (called a Urana-che by Joey) and the beating begins. The not yet a Bully messes up and hits D-Von with something metal as Axl comes in to tie this up. D-Von is covered in blood. Lots of metal in play now and Axl carves up D-Von’s head with a pair of scissors. Well isn’t that gruesome?

 

Mustapha comes in now and it’s 3-2. He’s New Jack’s old partner so that would be your explanation for why he’s in here. The heels are dominating here as we’re waiting on New Jack or someone to make the save. D-Von’s blood is everywhere. Bubba manages to hit his backsplash onto Balls. Mustapha uses barbed wire on Axl. There’s the final count down (duh nuh nuh duh duh) and New Jack is here all along. Apparently it was a mind game to mess with the Dudleys. That makes sense so I’ll let it go.

 

New Jack’s music of course plays through the rest of the match. It’s big comeback time as the Dudleys take a huge beating as does Saed. Bubba and Axl have been bleeding for awhile. Joey says everyone is busted so that covers the rest of them. Scratch that as New jack isn’t bleeding which makes more sense. Rotten busts out thumbtacks but D-Von avoids the suplex and puts Axl into them.

 

Everything slows down as it is known to do in matches such as this one. New Jack takes a guitar shot to the head but Balls goes one up on that as he blows a fireball into the face of Joey. Not that it matters though as he turns around and walks into a Dudley Death Drop (more commonly known as 3D) for the pin. The music cutting off really quickly made me chuckle for some reason.

 

Rating: C+. This was supposed to be about violence and keeping them trapped in a small place so I can’t complain much here. These matches are supposed to be extreme and that’s what this came out to be. No stips or anything here as this was just a big fight and to my own surprise, I kind of liked it.

 

Post match the Dudleys bail and the losers beat the tar out of Mustapha, including a huge dive off the top of the cage by New Jack through a table.

 

Overall Rating: B-. Believe it or not I kind of liked this show. They kept the violence and insanity down a lot and we got some decent matches out of them. Taz was still relatively fresh as the world champion and hadn’t destroyed the entire roster yet so there were still challengers to him. Not a great show or anything but the two hour format worked a lot better for them here and it’s one of the better ECW shows I can remember.

 

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ECW on TNN
Date: December 17, 1999
Location: Siegel Center, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting close to the end of the year and hopefully we actually have some development in the tag title feud. I remember something major that was coming next week but I think that was impromptu instead of something that was set up the week before. Then again that was on Christmas Eve so it’s not like building something up would have served a purpose anyway. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey welcome us from the announce position instead of in the ring as usual. We actually have a #1 contenders tag match tonight.

The Impact Players are ready for Candido and Rhyno tonight.

Opening sequence.

Nova and some guy are in the back when Chris Chetti comes in and says he’s coming back tonight. Nova says no way because of Chetti’s back isn’t healed yet. Chetti doesn’t want to wind up being way too hurt and he picked the other guy (apparently Kid Kash) to be the substitute partner. Chetti leaves and accuses both guys of checking him out as he leaves, but he can’t blame them because he can turn straight people gay. Ok then.

The Baldies issue an open challenge to anyone in the back.

DeVito vs. New Jack

This would be a bit more surprising if New Jack hadn’t already been announced as facing one of the Baldies tonight. Jack breaks a crutch over DeVito’s back to start followed by breaking a keyboard over his head. Joel: “I think he just swallowed an asterisk!” Something metal follows that upside DeVito’s head and the keyboard is placed between DeVito’s legs and crushed with a kendo stick. A top rope guitar shot gets the pin. Yes, they actually called this a wrestling match.

Post the alleged match New Jack pulls out a fork but before he can embrace his inner Abdullah, the other Baldies run in for the save. They staple New Jack’s ear and we go to a break.

Back with Da Baldies still in the ring and issuing another open challenge.

Mike Awesome vs. Grimes

Well that’s quite an answer. Grimes takes over to start with a top rope clothesline but Awesome pops back up. This isn’t for the title I don’t think. Awesome snaps off a German and clotheslines Grimes to the floor, giving us three more wrestling moves than in the whole New Jack thing. Awesome hits a big dive to take out Grimes on the floor. I have no idea if Awesome is a face or a heel but he’s wrestling like the former here.

A big chair shot to the back of Grimes keeps him in trouble but he reverses Awesome into the barricade. Awesome is like screw that and slams Grimes’ head into the concrete to take over again. It’s table time already and Grimes is powerbombed off the apron through said table, which is good for the pin back in the ring. Total squash.

Judge Jeff Jones (Awesome’s manager) says Awesome is the best giant in the world. Cue the giant killer Spike Dudley for the Acid Drop on the champion.

Danny Doring is in the shower and Elektra joins him. He pulls back the curtain but finds Roadkill instead. Francine comes in and Elektra pops in and complains about hearing Francine here. Elektra threatens Doring with castration. This went nowhere.

Joey is talking about the upcoming match when Joel pops up in a towel saying he wants more shower scenes.

Tom Marquez vs. Super Calo vs. Ikuto Hidaka

Hidaka gets sent to the floor by a double team, followed by Marquez turning on Calo almost immediately. Hidaka pops back in and takes out Calo but Marquez pounds him into the corner. A tornado DDT from Hidaka gets two on Marquez but Calo comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick. Hidaka dropkicks everyone down and here’s Sabu to beat up all three guys. Another too short to rate match.

All three guys are driven through the same table. Must be a budget cutback. Sabu vs. Van Dam for the TV Title is official for the PPV.

Buy our stuff!

Rhyno/Chris Candido vs. Impact Players

The winners get Raven and Dreamer at the PPV for the titles. Rhyno and Justin start things off and it’s power vs. speed. A wheelbarrow slam puts Justin on the floor and it’s off to Candido vs. Storm who have history of their own. Things get a lot more technical and Candido takes Storm down, followed by a middle rope legdrop. Storm ducks under a charging Candido to Chris into a superkick from Credible.

Jason slides in a chair because what would an ECW match be without one? Justin backdrops Candido onto the chair and drops a knee for no cover. Candido blocks what might have been a suplex and DDTs Justin onto the chair. Off to Rhyno and Justin gets double teamed. Justin gets a tag out of nowhere and Storm comes in with a springboard clothesline to Candido.

Rhyno kills him with a spinebuster for two and it’s back to Candido again for a delayed vertical suplex on Lance. Storm escapes but gets his head kicked off by an enziguri for two. There’s a superplex on Storm but the girls come in for a catfight. Justin canes Candido and Storm avoids a Gore, sending it into Candido by mistakes. Justin superkicks Candido down to get the title shot at Guilty As Charged.

Rating: C. Not terrible here as for the most part it was just a tag match instead of some big wild brawl. Also, we FINALLY advance the story instead of doing the same things over and over again which is a major perk. We have a title match to build to now which is all I’ve been wanting from this story. Well that and less Justin but you can’t get everything.

Candido and Rhyno get in an argument in the aisle while Storm says the Impact Players will win the titles. Storm talks down about Sandman and here’s Sandy himself. The entrance is sped up here and only takes about a minute and a half. The Players leave and Jason is left all alone. There’s a cane shot to his head and multiple more to his body. Jason is a decoy though and Sandman gets beaten down. Sandman gets in some offense but Rhyno comes back in and Gores him out of frustration.

Raven talks about needing to do the right thing because he can’t fight Dreamer again. Dreamer is too strong for him now and they need to take out the Impact Players at the PPV. He begs Dreamer to understand that but the camera pans back to show that he’s talking to Francine.

Overall Rating: C. Better show this week because the main story was actually advanced. Also whenever Mike Awesome goes out there and destroys whatever people he sees in his path it’s a good day. The shows have picked up since the world champion is around and since we’ve actually started building up to the PPV. That’s what’s been missing the last three or four weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: October 22, 1999
Location: Alario Sports Center, West Wago, Louisiana
Attendance: 2000
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re getting closer to November To Remember and we’ve got a few matches set now. For one thing we have the world title match set as Awesome will defend against Tanaka. As for tonight’s show, it’s possible that we’ll see the TNN debut of Sabu. Gee I’m glad they didn’t wait awhile to bring in one of their legends or anything. Hopefully it’s a competitive match and they don’t bring in some old name that used to mean something to have him squash like the One Man Gang or something. Let’s get to it.

Joel is in the ring to open things up. Apparently he’s doing the ring announcing for the opener.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. New Jack

New Jack charges in with the weapons and Awesome stands there so he can get beaten on. Awesome fights back but gets bitten for his efforts. There’s a right hand to send the champion into the corner as that infernal song is still playing. Awesome misses a charge and we head to the floor. Jack puts Awesome against the railing and dives at him with a chair but it gets knocked back into Jack’s face.

Mike gets the chair now and takes over. Back into the ring and a top rope clothesline puts Jack down. Vader Bomb “misses” (Jack rolled the wrong way so it hit him anyway) and it’s staple gun time. A guitar shot to the head won’t put Awesome down but Jack jumps into a chair shot. Awesome throws him to the floor and through a table. Back in and the Awesome Splash gets the easy pin.

Rating: D+. If you take away the idea of wrestling from this match, it was pretty entertaining. Since New Jack is about as far from being a professional wrestler as I am, that’s not much of a stretch. This was just a way to pop the crowd before we get to the actual wrestling on the show.

Theme song.

Nova vs. Chris Candido

Gertner makes alcohol jokes about Tammy. They start fast with no one being able to get anything significant in. Candido finally hits him in the face to take over but walks into a backdrop. Flying forearm gets two. Nova is a guy that’s hard to keep up with because he’s not only fast but he does a lot of stuff that no one else did so it’s hard to call the moves. Before anything happens, Doring, Roadkill and Lita run in to beat on Nova for a DQ. This was really short.

Candido comes in to help Nova and we get a Lita vs. Sunny catfight, which I’m sure has been a fantasy for many over the years. After the ring is cleared and only Candido and Sytch are left, here come Storm and Dawn Marie for a distraction so Doring, Lita and Roadkill can come in from behind. Dawn paddles Tammy while Lita holds her. Dawn smacks Lita because she can.

With the ring cleared (again), Dawn calls out Francine who comes out with Dreamer. Storm suggests Dreamer can’t sleep with Francine and it’s on, but Justin runs in to double team Dreamer. Here’s Raven who comes in and then turns his back on the Impact Players. It’s about to be another double team but Dreamer makes the save. Raven DDTs Dreamer because he can.

Post break Dreamer is up and calls out Raven. They square off…..and we go to a break.

Rhyno vs. David Kash

Rhyno jumps him and the beatdown begins quickly. Kash hits a dropkick but gets Gored for two. Piledriver works a bit better and gets the pin for Rhyno. This wasn’t even a minute.

Corino gets on the mic post match and says he wants Sabu out here right now to face Rhyno.

Rhyno vs. Sabu

Sabu beats up Rhyno’s posse before the match as the fans are just NUTS for Sabu. Rhyno takes over and we take a quick break. Back with Sabu being sent to the floor so the cronies can beat him up. Back in the ring and Sabu gets powerbombed off a rana attempt for two. Rhyno throws him to the floor and tries a dive but takes out the other guys instead. The other guys/cronies/the posse are Steve Corino and Jack Victory in case that wasn’t clear.

Sabu puts him in the crowd and hits a HUGE dive to take Rhyno out. Back at ringside and Sabu pelts the chair to put Rhyno down. Fonzie is out here now. There’s a table set up between the ring and the barricade like a platform. Sabu ranas Rhyno off the top and back inside for two as Corino makes the save. Fonzie crotches Corino and Steve takes a rana as well. Sabu goes to put Corino through the table but Rhyno Gores him down.

Instead of covering he grabs a chair and charges but Sabu kicks it into his face for two. The triple jump moonsault is broken up but Sabu takes out Victory anyway. There’s a camel clutch and Rhyno is in trouble. Corino makes the save AGAIN but gets taken out by Fonzie. FONZIE HITS A SLINGSHOT SPLASH!!! That was kind of awesome. Rhyno gets put on the table and Sabu hits a triple jump Arabian Facebuster through Rhyno and through the table to put both guys down.

The fans are, as usual, going insane for Sabu. Joey talks about how you’ll NEVER see Sabu on Raw or Nitro, both of which he’d appear on (Nitro he already had been on but you get the idea). There’s a table in the ring now but Sabu has to take out Victory first. That doesn’t change much as Sabu drives Rhyno through the table for two to shock Joey. Facejam onto the chair gets two. Sabu sets for something off the top on Rhyno but Corino covers him for protection. That’s really stupid to do against Sabu as he jumps on both of them. Arabian Facebuster and the Triple Jump Moonsault finally get the pin.

Rating: C. It was a mess but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. Sabu is very much a microcosm of ECW: when he’s on he’s good, but when he’s off, OH MAN is he off. The interference got old fast here too. Also, why have Sabu win? Give Rhyno a cheap victory to further his monster push. Sabu is going to be incredibly popular no matter what, so why not?

A three minute music video of what happened in the show ends it. How pointless is that? Ok Sunny bent over in a thong with her face in Lita’s crotch while Dawn Marie spanks her isn’t but the rest is.

Overall Rating: A+. It has Sunny bent over in a thong with her face in Lita’s crotch while Dawn Marie spanks her. What kind of a grade do you think I’m going to give this?

The show is still a mess but the long main event with a big name helped. November to Remember is still mostly unannounced but they’ve got a few weeks left. The show was just ok this week.

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Guilty As Charged 1999
Date: January 10, 1999
Location: Millennium Theater, Kissimmee, Florida
Attendance: 2,600
Commentator: Joey Styles

So tonight after about eight months of waiting too long, it’s FINALLY time for Shane vs. Taz. The main problem here is simple: until this point, no one bought for a second that anyone but Taz was going to take the belt off of Shane, so there was no point in caring about any other challenger.

The other issue was Taz wasn’t nearly as hot anymore. RVD was arguably the hottest guy on the roster but after the WAY long build for Taz, he had to have the belt at least 3-4 months. Other than that there’s not a lot here. Dreamer vs. Credible in a ladder match and that’s about it. Let’s get to 1999 in ECW.

Heyman thanks us for buying the event. He says the card has to be changed and Tanaka and Lynn won’t be working tonight, so instead of Tanaka vs. RVD and Lynn vs. Storm and Spike we get Storm vs. Van Dam. I like them just flat out telling us. It’s a nice little touch as the reality is simple: bad stuff happens sometimes and you have to deal with it at times. Good for Paul to just flat out say it.

Joey says ECW is Guilty as Charged. Doesn’t say what they’re guilty of but whatever.

Cue theme song.

Danny Doring/Roadkill vs. Full Blooded Italians

Doring and Roadkill don’t even get an entrance on PPV. That’s saying a lot about them I’d say. It’s Smothers and Guido in case you were wondering. Not a terrible choice for an opener I guess. Joey goes silent for a long time for no apparent reason. The arena setup is really weird as the ramp is coming from the bottom as opposed to the side. And here are Rotten and Mahoney.

Apparently this is now a three way dance. Ah there’s Joey. I wonder if Rotten ever got annoyed with the music always being about Mahoney. Rotten says he hates this dancing stuff so now it’s a three way dance, meaning elimination rules. Well sure why not. Yep it’s chair shot time. There’s no one in the ring at all. Ah ok we have Mahoney and Smothers in there. The commentary is really quiet as it’s hard to hear Joey.

Of course there’s nothing resembling tagging or wrestling at all here so it’s ECW. Ok that’s not fair or true but you get the point. Apparently Roadkill screws sheep. The ring is REALLY loud. He puts Smothers down and in a move that literally has my mouth hanging open, Roadkill hits a top rope splash ¾ across the ring. That was IMPRESSIVE.

And the Italians put out Roadkill and Doring with a double fisherman’s suplex. Rotten has been nowhere to be seen for a LONG time now. Oh there he is on the apron. Both freaky looking guys hit their finishers on the Italians to end it. They add a pair of SICK chair shots for the heck of it.

Rating: D+. Just way too short to mean anything here. It was beat up one guy, go for a finisher, counter finisher, hit finisher, pin. The adding in of the Freaks helped too I think as it’s not like this was anything remotely resembling interesting otherwise so there’s nothing wrong with that. Still though just something to get the crowd going and it worked pretty well in that sense. Match was awful though.

Terry Funk is here to complain about Tommy Dreamer. Apparently this is about Jake Roberts for some reason. Yes I know the story behind it.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy

Tajiri is in regular tights here and he looks weird like that. He looks YOUNG too. This should be fun if nothing else. Joey sums up Tajiri by saying he loves to kick. Yep that’s accurate. DANG they are freaking moving out there. That was awesome looking right there. Not huge on Tajiri completely no selling that spinning DDT but whatever. There’s that handspring elbow. I love that move.

Picture perfect Asai moonsault follows that up. SICK kick to Crazy’s head and a Tarantula follow that up. Awesome stuff. I always cringe whenever someone is put in a surfboard. That move is just freaking painful looking. This is awesome to say the least. They trade rollups but both guys just get two. It’s followed up by some insane strikes and counters that I can’t keep up with. Tajiri ends it with a Dragon Suplex (full nelson into a suplex pin).

Rating: A-. OH YES. Ok, now if this was what ECW meant by the best of the rest of the world, I get it. This was AMAZINGLY fun to watch. It’s about 11 minutes long which is perfect as both guys were starting to get a bit tired at the end so instead of sucking the life out of the place at the end they wrapped it up. This was awesome and very fun at the same time. It was a spotfest and there isn’t a thing wrong with that. Incredibly entertaining match.

Come see us!

John Kronus vs. ???

Kronus has completely outlived his usefulness at this point and no one cares. Judge Jeff Jones debuts as the Judge instead of being the crooked referee that he had been for months prior to this. Considering Bill Clinton had a heart issue last night, his jokes about him are a bit touchy. He declares a bunch of people Guilty as Charged.

Apparently Kronus beat Jones up at a live show. He brings out Sid Vicious to beat the tar out of Kronus. Sid throws him through a table which more or less explodes. There’s a massive POWERBOMB chant. For the life of me I never got why Sid was so over but he always was to be fair. This might have lasted two minutes at most.

Rating: N/A. Well he’s a bigger deal than Jake Roberts if nothing else. Never been that big on him but he got a pop and a freaking half so there we go.

We recap Shane vs. Taz, including Taz vs. Sabu. Oh and Shane offered him Francine. She was hotter than given credit for. Sabu got his neck broken…again, by Taz. I guess this made more sense in context. Oh ok it was a plot by Taz to get into the ECW Title picture and drop the FTW belt. Got it.

Gertner and the Dudleys show up unannounced for no apparent reason. Clean shaven Bubba is odd looking. They’re only five time champions here. That’s odd to say the least. Big Dick just growls at the camera. Nicely done. Gertner makes these shows, period. He’s the bacon in her eggs, the man for whom she begs and the face between her legs. He’s talking about Daisy Duck of all….well actually non people in this case.

I have a new favorite line from Gertner. When talking about Sign Guy: he’s pretty fly for a sign guy. Apparently Big Dick split open YOUR 42 year old mother and then gave it to her like a pair of 21 year old twins. Yep, I love Gertner. They call out anyone and they get a pretty bad answer.

Dudley Boys vs. New Jack/Spike Dudley

Oh great. IT’S THAT STUPID SONG!!! Spike is dressed like a gangsta. I hate my life. Two guesses as to what the primary focus of this match is. Go ahead and guess. BOY TAKE A GUESS! Spike almost gets his head taken off by a shot with something made of metal. D-Von just unloads on New Jack. Spike is launched into the crowd and they body surf him back to the ring. You know ECW: always doing new stuff. And let’s just do it again!

The faces both have guitars and the heels both have chairs. Big Dick winds up taking both guitars. And New jack is freaking cheered for this stuff. They botch a 3D on the ramp so it looks like Jack splashes Bubba. He never even touches the ramp. Ok wait so a guitar being broken over the head of Dick does nothing but an Acid Drop puts him down. A good 3D ends Spike and thankfully that song too.

Post match the Dudleys just freaking kill New Jack with chair shots. They then talk about how they’ve destroyed every team in ECW history. He calls out Public Enemy for a match in six days. They actually did show up despite working for WCW at the time.

Rating: F-. I hate these things and I always have. Call it bias or whatever but guys like New Jack are a disgrace to the sport of pro wrestling and anything he’s involved in is a failure on the part of the booker for putting him on the card. He has no business in wrestling and should be in jail for attempted murder with the Grimes incident.

Big long RVD video package set to Walk. Nothing wrong with that. So instead of Tanaka it’s Storm vs. Van Dam. That could work quite well.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

Dawn Marie isn’t human. She can’t be. Storm gets in a great line: he’s not the whole F’ing show but he’s the best part of it. Now Paul make sure you pay attention to the reaction that Van Dam gets, because you won’t be hearing anything like it in the main event. We get a LONG feeling out process that actually isn’t boring at all. I’ve always liked the way Storm threw punches for some reason. Storm gets the half crab which doesn’t mean anything yet.

Fonzie and Dawn (Tammy Lynn Bytch at the time but not a lot of people would get that name) go at it on the floor which lets Van Dam take over. SWEET superkick by Storm. Has to be the second best guy at that ever. We’re in the crowd now and in probably one of the five sickest bumps I’ve ever seen, Van Dam gets a reverse DDT onto the floor. No protection at all and he just slams into it.

Storm is WAY underrated in the ring. This has been solid stuff so far, but I’d like more in ring stuff. Storm is a Canadian bad boy apparently. Van Dam more or less cuts a promo in the middle of the match. That’s just awesome. Ah there we go. We’re back in the ring. I don’t mind the insane stuff as long as it winds up being about wrestling. Van Dam goes for the Van Daminator (why can’t he go for coffee or lunch instead?) but Storm jumps away. WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!!!

It connects the second time and Storm is out cold. Oh ok he was faking. The referee takes a SWEET looking Van Daminator. After Fonzie interferes, a Van Daminator from the top gets two. The quick taunts from Van Dam are what set him apart I think. Like I’ve said before, the playing to the crowd is a signature of the all time greats like Austin, Rock, Sting, Hogan and Flair. In a very surprising finish, we get a wrestling sequence and Van Dam gets the CLEAN pin with a nice German suplex. I greatly approve.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but the overbooking and interference hurt it a bit. This was one of those matches where both guys could definitely bring it and they did here. The ending worked very well too as Van Dam beat him with his own game. What more can you ask for? Solid stuff.

We recap Dreamer vs. Credible which is because of Funk apparently taking Credible under his wing. So yeah, it’s about Funk vs. Dreamer again, which never had the blowoff because Funk headed to WCW.

Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

You know if you cut Nicole Bass’ head off she’d look good. Jazz, who doesn’t have a name yet, is also with Credible. This is a ladder match ECW style, meaning there is barbed wire hanging over the ring and you need a ladder to get to it. I love Man in the Box. I just do. What in the world is the appeal of Justin? I have never gotten that at all. We get a weird as shot from across where the cameras would be to see the ladder. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

Tommy finally brings the ladder into play as this has been all brawling anyway. The fans want Funk apparently. For a good while it’s all Dreamer and that’s over already. Do you think four people with Justin is enough? Dreamer has a bad arm now too. All of Justin’s entourage helps him out and down goes Tommy. I JUST SAID THAT JOEY!!! I didn’t think it was possible but Jazz is somehow more annoying than she would be in WWE.

It’s all Justin at this point as he just beats the living heck out of Tommy with all kinds of stuff. Tommy makes his comeback and of course here’s Funk because according to Heyman, Credible isn’t allowed to lose. That’s Incredible, which in this case is a powerslam, onto a ladder ends it. I know this is supposed to be an epic storyline and whatnot but I just couldn’t care less at all.

Rating: D. This whole thing was so that Funk could screw over Tommy. I didn’t need a 20 minute beating and Jazz/Nicole screaming to get to that point. Just a waste of time that I wanted to end after about five minutes or so.

Some guy named Stephen Prazak (has to be related to Dave in ROH somehow) interviews Taz. This reaches Rock and Coach levels of insulting. How did Taz go from this to the raving idiot he is now.

Shane says he’s not ready to lose the belt. That’s so funny because it’s supposed to be in character.

ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Taz

Oh and to be clear: Shane has a broken wrist so Taz won’t win deservingly no matter what he does. Ok, before we get into this, let’s get this out of the way. In my eyes, it was this feud that officially killed ECW. Shane should have dropped the belt at least six months ago to Taz who would then be able to drop it to RVD who was the hottest thing in the company and also the best wrestler in the company.

For those of you that don’t know, Taz wins the belt here and holds it until September when he goes to WWF. The problem was that by this time, no one cared about Taz at all. RVD was the popular guy but instead of putting the belt on him like the money would have been in, as that by this time, no one cared about Taz at all.

RVD was the popular guy but instead of putting the belt on him like the money would have been in, he belt more or less had to go to Taz since he had chased it for a year now. Shane should have dropped it in like August and this should be Van Dam vs. Taz for it, but instead by the time Taz dropped it, ECW was dead in the water anyway.

Overall Rat….oh that’s right we still have a match to go. They’re trying to make this seem epic but both guys are more or less done as far as meaning anything in the ring at this point. Taz is ok but the people are just rather apathetic to him at this point. We get a conversation with either production or security guys which is always interesting.

They’re out in the crowd now, meaning more time that the inevitable can’t happen. No one on the planet thinks Shane has a chance here but I guess it has to be made out to be epic right? We’re still in the crowd, which is a very annoying one this time. OH GOOD NIGHT JUST GO TO THE FREAKING RING!!! This is so freaking stupid. We can barely see them as they’re just brawling.

This has been going on for nearly 10 minutes. Shane is bleeding and we’re BACK IN THE RING! Oh look, it’s a table. Taz goes through it as I think watching a test pattern might be more interesting. Shane goes through a table. This is just dull. And now we have no lights. Sabu appears, complete with pyro (in ECW?). He beats up both guys for not apparent reason other than Taz breaking his neck and Shane putting Taz up to it. At least it makes sense.

Pretty impressive that a guy with a broken neck can beat up two professional wrestlers. Shane calls for the Triple Threat and here’s Tammy (Sunny). You know what that means. Candido is here and he turns on Shane, I guess going face? That sets up the Tazmission which of course Shane is allowed to escape for a second before it’s locked on again and Shane passes out. Was that supposed to be Austin/Hart again or something?

Rating: D+. And that’s being VERY generous. This match was 22 minutes long. Of that, 12 were brawling in the crowd, three were Sabu doing his thing, two were Candido running in and 5 were actual wrestling. That’s the EPIC match though right? This could have been good, but seriously, there was enough time spent just “brawling” in the crowd to have the main event of Mania 9. Steamboat beat Savage in about as much time as they brawled in the crowd. See what I mean?

Overall Rating: C-. This show tried. I can’t take that away from it at all. This show had some thought and effort put into it and that helps a lot. However, some of the stuff here was just flat out bad. There is some very good stuff in here, but there’s too much brawling to make it great. A problem with ECW is that they tried to substitute brawling and violence for storytelling and wrestling and that can’t work long term.

Two of the last three matches were brawling and a moment at the end with nothing else going on. This is indeed better than most of the shows that ECW has had lately, but still the last hour of this show just bored me to tears. Check it out, but have a remote in hand to fast forward it.