Wrestlemania 24
Date: March 30, 2008
Location: Citrus Bowl, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 74,365
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Taz
America The Beautiful: John Legend

Since this Mania is just over a year old, I’m going to assume that most of you already know the main ideas behind it. Your truly big match here was Ric Flair in what was known would be his last match vs. Shawn Michaels. Without a doubt to me, this should have closed the show. World Titles aside, neither match is going to be as emotional as this. Flair was offered the chance to close the show and said absolutely not which I can admire.

Your other big feuds coming into this were Orton vs. HHH vs. Cena and Edge vs. Undertaker. There was also a match between boxer Floyd “Money” Mayweather and Big Show which still boggles my mind to this day. I’ve heard some great and some bad reviews for this, so I guess we’ll have to see how well it holds up a year later.

We get a recap kind of telling us how the entire year has gone which is kind of a cool thing that would help a lot if it was a permanent thing. The open stadium concept is truly awesome and looks great. They have kind of a dome over the ring to keep the rain out which is also smart of them. After America The Beautiful, it’s time for our first match.

JBL vs. Finlay

This is a Belfast Brawl, meaning no DQ I suppose. This match/feud stems from the most absurd storyline I can ever recall as Vince had his illegitimate son Hornswoggle face him in a cage match. Vince beat him up with a belt as Finlay came in for the save. JBL then cuffed Finlay to the cage and beat up Horny.

I remember this buildup being quite good but looking back at it now, I can’t believe I actually thought this was good. Seriously, they’re fighting over a freaking midget. Then we get the DRAMATIC reveal that Horny was Finlay’s song all along. REALLY??? The tiny leprechaun that hangs out with the Irishman who is the only person on the planet that cares about him is his father? I’m stunned.

They start on the floor and the bell hasn’t actually rung yet. Ok so it’s one of those kind of fights. JBL gets a big shot with a trashcan and Finlay is in trouble early on. JBL had lost a ton of weight and actually looked fairly lean by this point. After he takes forever to get some stairs into the ring his Piledriver on them fails though and here comes the older dude.

Nothing all that special here as it’s back and forth but intense for the most part. Well as intense as this match could be that is. Both guys control for awhile and then get hit by something to break the momentum. Is it bad that seeing Horny all scared and nervous makes me laugh and smile?

Finlay busts out a table as JR tries to make this seem all serious and such. It’s set up in the corner as I’m getting into this far more than I should. DOWN GOES THE MIDGET! Finlay goes the heck off on him with trashcan lids and JBL is more or less done on the floor. A suicide dive eats lid though and Finlay is in trouble all over again.

More going off follows as the crowd is into this. I’m not sure why but this is actually working pretty freaking well. It’s not a great match or anything but it’s very fun. JBL finally goes through the table for a LONG two. Finlay comes at him with stairs but JBL gets a kendo stick shot into the knee. The Clothesline From JBL ends it though. Fun match.

Rating: C+. If there has ever been a match where the term “fine for what it was” is appropriate, this is it. This match was designed to get the crowd going a bit and not be anything serious and that’s exactly what they went out and did. Nothing bad here at all but nothing to go out of your way to see. Run of the mill hardcore match but rather fun, and that’s all fine and good.

Kennedy says he’s going to repeat as MITB. Kim Kardashian did the interviews at this show so at least we have something nice to look at.

Money in the Bank: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Mr. Kennedy

 

You know the drill by now I’m sure. It’s weird to see Morrison as a heel. Morrison is a tag champion, MVP is US Champion and Jericho is IC Champion here. Nice to see the titles being treated so well here. I wouldn’t expect to see much in the area of play by play here as it’s way too much to call move for move.

Everyone not named MVP runs out to grab a ladder so he steals Kennedy’s when it comes into the ring. He and Jericho have a joust with them with the Canadian winning. Morrison grabs a ladder and puts it perpendicular to himself. He then climbs to the top and moonsaults while still holding the ladder to take out just about everyone! Sweet looking stuff!

Kennedy and Jericho are left in the ring with Jericho launching Kennedy into a ladder. Kennedy is like screw that and holds on before scurrying up. Morrison rides a ladder from the corner onto the middle ladder to stop Kennedy in an awesome spot. Kennedy sets for a suplex but Shelton jumps over Kennedy in a sunset powerbomb which pulls Morrison over too in a Tower of Doom spot. This is all in less than four minutes mind you.

With everyone more or less dead Punk goes up but just kind of stops so Shelton can make the save. GTS to Shelton and Punk goes up again. Carlito makes the save as I forgot he was even in this at all. There’s a ladder between the ring and the railing which makes me think nothing is going to go well for the ladder.

And I’m right as Shelton almost makes it up there but gets the whole ladder shoved over and flips onto the bridged ladder, breaking it in the middle. Morrison almost makes it but gets caught in the Walls by Jericho in a spot he and Benoit did at the 01 Rumble. Now Kennedy comes up so Punk has to springboard up. Carlito enacts Puerto Rican Affirmative Action and gets up as well, giving us five guys on two ladders.

Naturally they all fall down and leave Jericho there but Carlito saves it. Total spotfest so far. Backstabber off the ladder to Jericho and everyone is dead until MVP gets his wits about him. With no one in sight, Matt Freaking Hardy runs through the crowd and gets a Twist of Fate off the top to save the match. MVP had hurt Matt a few months ago.

Morrison is under a ladder in the corner and Jericho wedges the top of another into the rungs of the one in the corner, kind of making a big V shape. Morrison shoves the original one forward which allows him to be able to climb the ladder without having to have it open due to the wedge design. This is awesome stuff. Naturally Morrison gets crotched on the top but it’s still cool looking.

Jericho goes up again but Carlito spits apple at him instead. Kennedy drills him and shoves him off but Punk drills Kennedy. Jericho pops up again and hits the Codebreaker with a ladder to take out Punk. Punk more or less no sells it though and climbs up to stop Jericho as everyone else is pretty much dead. Punk knocks Jericho down into the Tree of Woe and grabs the case to win it. Total war the whole way through.
Rating: B. It was a wild brawl, but we just got done with a wild brawl. This was solid and the backflip ladder spot was sweet looking. Other than Matt returning though, there’s not much to hate. This was Jeff Hardy’s to win before he got wellnessed out of it. Another fun match and one of the best MITB matches ever as it was a total spotfest the whole way, which it’s supposed to be.

Hall of Fame Ceremony. This is Flair’s class, but he’s in the back getting ready so his kids accept it. The only ones that truly belong in to me are Flair, Solie, and the Briscos.

HHH is ready.
Snoop Dog is here. He sends Festus after Santino in a dumb segment.

Batista vs. Umaga

This is the Brand Supremacy match that was thrown together because there was nothing for either of these guys. I really wouldn’t expect this to be anything resembling good. Power match to start us off as you would of course expect. The GMs, Teddy and Regal, are here also. Umaga gets a spinwheel kick to take down Batista and take over.

A big boot sends the Animal to the floor. There’s the nerve hold as it’s all Umaga here. Middle rope headbutt misses though and here comes the Animal again. And so much for that as we hit the nerve hold again. This is rivetingly bad if that wasn’t clear. Samoan Drop mostly ends Batista so of course it only gets two.

Batista gets a quick comeback and so much for that as it’s over already. Samoan Spike is blocked though and Umaga’s head eats post. Spinebuster puts him down and the Batista Bomb ends it clean. WOW. That might be the least interesting match I have ever seen, which is saying a lot.
Rating: F+. These two had no chemistry together at all and it showed badly. This match was a waste as you had a multi-time world champion against a top mid carder. These brand supremacy things are rarely good and this was no exception. The other stupid part was Batista went to Raw a few weeks later. Totally bad match and I have no idea what they were going for here, but it didn’t work at all.

Mayweather vs. Show is anything goes and you can win by knockout.

Mayweather and company are here.
ECW Title-Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero

Kane won a battle royal before the show started to get this shot. By the time I was done typing that previous sentence the match ends. Here’s your match: bell rings, Kane chokeslams Chavo, pinfall.

Rating: N/A. There’s no match here so I can’t rate it, but this was exactly what was needed. Kane absolutely dominated here and it made him look like a monster. Well done actually.

Painfully bad Mania promo for the show that is already on.
Raven Simone does something for Make-A-Wish. Can’t stand her but it’s a cool charity.
Note: the following was written BEFORE Flair signed in TNA and before he came back to WWE in 2009.

And here it is. This is the match that defines this Wrestlemania. Many people, including myself, feel that this should have been the final match of the night. We knew that Flair was going to lose, but it’s the pure symbolism of the match that’s important. Many people have this match because it’s “an old man that should have retired 10 years ago.”

To them I have one thing to say: get over yourselves. Ric Flair was the man that drove the NWA and WCW through the roof in the 1980s. Without him, Sting, Luger and the Horsemen, and therefore DX, the NWO and the Monday Night Wars don’t happen.

Ric Flair means more to this business than all but a very few and if he wants to wrestle until he falls apart then so be it. When anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can last in the business at a high level for as long as he has, let me know. I’ll be at my wedding to Trish Stratus.

Some people like to talk about how Flair needed to hang it up. Maybe those people need to SHUT it up and let the man do what he wants. Vince didn’t let him go did he? I’m willing to go out on a short limb and say Vince has forgotten more about wrestling than any of us will ever know, so get off your high smarky horses.

As for the other participant in this match, Shawn Michaels may not have been the perfect choice here, but I don’t have a problem with it being him at all. So what if he and Flair are friends in real life? It’s Flair’s last match and if he wants to go out to Shawn, then blast it he should be able to go out to Shawn. Shawn puts on his best this time of year so why should this be any different?
Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

The intros for both guys are of course great. You can tell the fans and the entire world knows that Flair is losing here but that’s fine here much like it can be at other times. We exchange hammerlocks to start and no one can get an extended advantage. They shove each other and Flair shouts OLD YELLER HUH?

Flair might have bitten his lip or something as it’s busted open a tiny bit. Shawn goes up but gets slammed off in a nice little touch. Flair goes up and GETS A CROSS BODY for two. That was kind of awesome. Old men flying through the air is cool for some reason. Baseball slide takes down Flair again though Shawn misses an Asai Moonsault and slams into the table, possibly legitimately injuring his ribs.

A nearly perfect suplex gets two for Flair as he’s hitting everything perfectly here. Remember if he loses he has to retire so they’re playing up the fight for survival deal here and it’s working for the most part I think. Shawn gets a neckbreaker to come back and hits a moonsault off the top to the floor to leave both guys laying. When I say hits I mean Flair sticks an arm out which slows Shawn down a bit mind you.

Forearm sets up the nipup and here comes Shawn despite not really being in trouble for the most part. There’s the elbow and Shawn sets for the superkick but can’t do it. Flair is like ok then and double scoops the legs to throw on the Figure Four. Flair has aged about ten years in this match so far. The rope is grabbed soon and we go to the backslide sequence that Flair has done a million times. That being said, Flair can’t really do it due to his age. That’s rather sad.

Flair goes back to the knee and now we get the REAL Figure Four. I guess the other was just a preview edition. Shawn reverses though into a cradle for two. Enziguri misses and THERE is the Figure Four. A rope is grabbed again but this time more damage is done here. However Flair does one WOO too many and gets drilled by the kick for two as Shawn couldn’t cover immediately.

Shawn sets for the kick again but Flair gets a low blow which brings a nice little smile to my face. That only gets two though as this is fairly solid stuff. Shawn gets his disfigured figure four on but like Flair is going to lose to that. He’s Shawn Michaels, not Jay Lethal. A rollup get two for Flair and they chop it out. Shawn is like screw it and kicks his head off. Flair gets up again, and although Shawn is sorry and he loves Flair, the third superkick ends Flair’s career. Well for about a year or so at least.

Rating: A. As I said, this wasn’t about the match. This was about saying goodbye to one of the greatest performers of all time. That night, the titles weren’t important, the atmosphere wasn’t important, and the show wasn’t important. This night was about Ric Flair saying goodbye to being an in ring competitor.

Should this match have gone on last? Yes I think that it should have. Nothing, and I mean nothing, was as important to the industry as the moment when his final match ended. It was a sad day, as Flair didn’t get to go out on his own terms completely, but at least he went out on the biggest stage in the world.

As for the match, it’s not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Yes, some spots are blown. Yes, we knew what was going to happen. Some find “I’m sorry, I love you” to be corny. That’s fine that you think that way, but this match almost had me in tears all over again.

It’s so sad to see Ric Flair having reached the point where he can’t bridge up for a backslide anymore. This man was once the greatest performer in the entire world and now he can’t do a simple reversal spot. He broke out all of his old classics including the cross body block that made him famous by giving him the world title at the first ever Starrcade. This match isn’t great from a wrestling perspective but it’s more than that. This match is about the end of an era.

Flair gets a big sad moment but the real one would come tomorrow.
Edge says the Streak ends tonight.

So who gets to follow that match? I hate to say it but whoever they are, their match is going to go down a letter grade or so as it’s simply not going to be easy to touch what just happened.

Beth Phoenix/Melina vs. Maria/Ashley

Oh screw it. I was going to try to be nice to whatever came next and I get “bunnymania”? Well crud. This is a lumberjill match, hosted by Snoop Dog in a pitiful attempt to bring celebrity status to this show. He’s driving something that looks like a golf cart that looks stupid. Santino is here to annoy all of us again as he helps the heels cheat to win.

Well at least Maria looks good. Actually only Ashley doesn’t here. Beth has to sell for this Ashley pest which makes my head hurt quite a bit. Snoop is so stoned he can’t stop smiling. Sweet merciful crap make this end already. Total time in before my head hurts: 34 seconds. Well I lasted longer than I thought I could.

The girls on the floor waste their usual time and no one cares at all. Maria saves Ashley. You can see the issue here with her being the better worker of the team. And there go the lights. Yeah you can’t see anything at all for about a minute or so. Ah there’s a spotlight. Well that helps a little I guess.

Glam Slam is blocked and we get some heel miscommunication. The lumberjacks get involved again and Maria gets two on Beth. Here’s Santino but Lawler attacks him which led to nothing of note. Beth pins Maria after Musclebuster. Snoop attacks Santino and kisses Maria, somehow making me less interested than I was when this started. This led to Glamarella if you’re interested for some reason.

Rating: F. Another waste of time in a bad match. How long is it going to take for the WWE to realize something: someone that is willing to be in a magazine doesn’t mean they can wrestle. The teams should have been switched so Melina can face Beth, as both can actually work. The lights went out during this match, as God himself is showing that he doesn’t care, and neither did I. Such a waste of time.

Recap of the Raw World Title match. Orton was champion, Cena got in by winning the Rumble and challenging Orton at No Way Out but Orton got intentionally DQed, and HHH is in because he won the Elimination Chamber that same night. I have never once liked three way matches for world titles at Mania.

The idea is supposed to be one on one for the heavyweight championship of the world, not three guys with false finish after false finish. I am however glad that this isn’t the main event of the night. It wasn’t the biggest match of the night and it wasn’t billed as such.
Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. HHH

Cena gets a full marching band entrance here. That’s rather awesome. Everyone goes after each other to start and we’re on the floor already. FU attempt on Orton almost immediately but he gets nowhere with it as HHH apparently fears Cena as he’d rather save Orton than get rid of him. You can tell Cena isn’t taking this seriously: he isn’t in his black jeans.

Orton gets both guys down and covers both of them multiple times which gets him nowhere. He keeps up the advantage though by slowly, and I do mean SLOWLY stomping both guys. Wouldn’t he give them more time to recover by taking so much time like that? Couldn’t he do better by stomping their heads the whole time? Double elevated DDT and our heroes are in trouble!

Cena comes back and hits the Throwback to HHH and the Fameasser to Orton but Orton manages to send Cena into the post on the floor to buy himself some time. Back to Hunter vs. Randall now. HHH works the knee but Cena comes in to distract him. Once John goes down the RKO takes down HHH.

Cena saves of course and the STFU to Orton has him in trouble. This is going by FAST. Cena tells him to tap but Orton doesn’t listen. I guess Cena isn’t one of the voices in his head. Back with HHH now as he hooks a freaking Indian Deathlock on Orton. WOW he’s busting out the way old stuff here. HHH back to the floor thanks to Cena and there’s the STFU again.

HHH literally comes in to pull Cena’s arms off of Cena. I guess HHH wants to cuddle him. He throws a Crossface on Cena for fun. I know he wants the title but I didn’t think he wanted to kill him. The fans are all over Cena here and it’s kind of funny to see. Boo/Yay thing with the punches and here comes Cena.

He initiates the ending sequence on HHH and sets for the FU but gets taken down by a clothesline. Pedigree and STFU are reversed but a facebuster and clothesline set up the spinebuster which sets up the Pedigree. Orton Punts HHH out of nowhere and climbs on Cena for the pin to retain. Nice little ending there.
Rating: C+. It’s ok and that’s all. Like I said, there’s nothing special here whatsoever. It’s not a bad match but it’s just ok. There was nothing Mania-like here at all. It was three men in a standard formula match. Why should I get emotionally invested into this match? There was no reason for me to and simply put, I didn’t.

We recap the boxer vs. wrestler thing. Okay, this feud has been over and done with for a solid year and there’s one thing I’d still like to know: WHO IN THE WORLD WAS THE FACE SUPPOSED TO BE??? This feud was ridiculous.

In case you don’t know, Big Show returned at No Way Out and got in the face of a really good boxer named Floyd “Money” Mayweather, who legitimately broke his nose with a punch. This led to a feud between the two, culminating in this match.

Over the course of the 5-6 weeks, we got terrible promos from Mayweather and Show and it was never once made clear who the face was. Should we cheer for the underdog that is an outsider or for the monster that looks like a bully? That was never answered which is a problem.
Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show

Mayweather does the whole raining money deal. Naturally Floyd has gloves on. Mayweather dodges a lot and that gets him nowhere as we’re more or less just killing time for awhile. Floyd throws punches which don’t do much. This is going NOWHERE. Out of boredom, Show beats up one of Floyd’s posse.

Show grabs Mayweather’s hand and tries to step on it which doesn’t work. This is about 85% standing around and “jockeying for position”. Show almost gets a chokeslam but Floyd gets on his back for a choke. After nearly a minute and a half of this, Show flips him over and steps on his hands to send Floyd’s posse into a frenzy.

Big chop by Show in the corner as the posse shouts that Show can’t do various things, such as stand on his chest. I hate this match very deeply at the moment. Them shouting THIS IS FOR YOUR KIDS when Mayweather has like 50 million dollars makes me sick. He has money. I don’t want to hear about how he’s doing this for his kids. If they can’t survive off the paychecks he makes already, there’s a major problem.

Show hurts him a lot and drops an elbow. This is AWFUL. The posse pulls him out, Show goes to get him, he beats up the posse, the posse tries to give Floyd a chair, Show beats that guy up again, Mayweather pops Show with the chair and a shot with brass knuckles ends this via knockout, FINALLY.
Rating: D-. This was a mess. These things rarely work and this was following the norm of not working. Mayweather is simply too small to get this to work. He stands 5’8 and while he’s a great boxer, no one honestly believed that he could beat Show.

There’s no way to make this work: if Mayweather wins, Big Show looks weak. If Show wins, he beat a tiny man at Show’s own game on his turf. Either way there’s no way to make this work and they didn’t have one.

The other thing that’s a problem is that Mayweather has no business wrestling. He’s a puncher, but even with that there’s no way to believe that he has a chance here. They tried to make this look competitive, but the crowd was completely behind Mayweather for the simple reason of he’s average sized and Big Show is……well he’s BIG. This did not do it for me at all.

There’s a new attendance record.

Taker gets this title shot from winning the Rumble. That’s all you need to know.
Smackdown Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Edge brings out Vickie in the wheelchair. Taker’s entrance remains completely awesome. He came out first which is odd yet traditional. What an odd thing to see. Edge is a four time champion here, meaning he’s won a world title every six months since then. Keeping in mind that he hasn’t had one since April of 2009, that says a lot.

Very basic stuff to start as we’re not going anywhere so far. Old School is countered but Taker shifts around in mid air into an arm drag. It gets NO reaction. That’s saying a lot as no one cares after something I don’t remember seeing before. Taker gets a running knee to the head and goes over the top in a nice looking move. Taker may have hurt his arm though.

Edge takes over and almost gets a countout. He goes up and gets caught like any good heel and here comes the Deadman. VERY slow pace so far as each short sequence they’re doing is taking 2-3 minutes each. Lash Ride won’t work as Taker’s back is messed up from various attacks by the evil Canadian. Edge drops Taker’s back over the railing and the Deadman is in trouble.

In the ring again and Edge throws on a half crab as a joke I suppose. Much like everything else in this match, that goes on for two minutes. They slug it out and take a guess who wins that. They FINALLY speed things up a bit as the chokeslam is countered into the Edgecution for two. Spear is avoided and the chokeslam gets two.

Old School is blocked AGAIN for two as Edge pounds away in the corner like an IDIOT. Last Ride is countered into a neckbreaker for two. Taker calls for the Tombstone but Edge counters AGAIN into the Edge-O-Matic for two. The third Old School hits and Edge is in trouble again. And there goes the referee to a big boot. Ok where are the cronies?

Low blow takes down the Deadman as does a camera shot but there’s still no referee. Like an idiot, Edge goes for a Tombstone and is reversed but there’s no referee. Charles Robinson runs down to count two. I don’t think you can count that as Edge doing the same as Batista and Shawn kicking out of all the finishers though so we won’t do it.

Ah I was right. Here are Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder (shut up about him being in the Mania main event) and never mind as a double chokeslam gets rid of them. Spear from nowhere gets two and the fans are into it now. Edge sets for another spear but runs into the whatever that thing is called for the chokeout and submission.

Rating: A-. There’s just something missing from this match and I just can’t place it. All the elements are there as Edge and Taker are both well established main event players, the Streak is on the line and Taker gets a world title at Mania like he should, but there’s just something missing from it. Maybe it’s that these matches were done better later in the year. Either way, it’s certainly good, but not a masterpiece.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s a lot of good stuff here, but there’s only one truly good match. Yet again the tradition of messing things up with the Brand Split comes into play as the best match doesn’t go on last. This show should have been about Ric Flair, not a world title. Not many people can get that honor but it should have happened here.

At the end of the day, no one cared about what happened in the two title matches, or any other match for that matter. Flair going on in the middle of the show hurts it a lot. Other than him, there’s nothing noteworthy here to me at all. The show isn’t bad, but it’s hardly memorable. Mild recommendation but don’t go out of your way for it.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 30, 2006
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Cyber Sunday and that puts this show in a weird spot. There are some matches set, but there are also some matches which will not be set up until Sunday. I’m not sure how that is going to go, but it is going to make for a bit of a strange final push towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Edge and Randy Orton in the ring for the Cutting Edge to get things going. After mentioning that it is his birthday, Edge throws us to a clip of Orton beating HHH last week. That was a great moment but it is going to get even better on Sunday when they beat DX in a tag match. The match will feature a special referee so here are all three options: Eric Bischoff, Jonathan Coachman and Vince McMahon.

We get some sales pitches from each, with Bischoff saying that Controversy Creates Cash, which will be proven in his book, which will be released this week. Bischoff talks about the controversies he has created over the years and promises to show us what controversy is on Sunday. Coach talks about the lack of respect he has seen and doesn’t have much to say. Vince wraps it up by saying that we need a guest referee tonight, and since Shawn Michaels isn’t here, we’ll have Orton vs. HHH with Edge as guest referee.

With that out of the way, Vince needs to be worried about the possibility that we will have no WWE Champion next week. Coach thought John Cena should have the night off tonight, but Vince thinks Cena should be in action. But who should he face? We’ll have the fans decide with a text poll, with the options of Big Show, King Booker or Coach himself. Coach’s gulp seems rather pronounced.

Back from a break with another voting explanation.

Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Melina is here with Nitro. These are Jeff Hardy’s three potential challengers for the Intercontinental Title so champion Jeff Hardy comes out to watch. Carlito gets double teamed to start and then tossed outside, leaving Nitro to spin around Benjamin into a Russian legsweep for two. Carlito is back in to hammer on Nitro but Shelton springboards in with a bulldog to put Carlito down. Nitro dropkicks Shelton out of the corner, only to have Carlito throw him outside and hit a Backstabber to finish Shelton in a hurry.

John Cena isn’t worried about Cyber Sunday, but he is worried about Kevin Federline’s album coming out, because it’s the bomb. As in the kind of thing that we should drop on our enemies to get them to surrender. Cena asks Todd Grisham who he is voting for on Sunday but Grisham says he hasn’t voted. He saw Todd texting someone, which Todd says was his girlfriend. Cena: “YOU LIKE DUDES!”

Cena yells at Todd, demanding to know that he say who he voted for. Grisham: “I VOTED FOR KING BOOKER AND I HOPE HE BEATS YOU TONIGHT!!!” Now that’s all Cena wants, and now he is going to walk down that aisle like he is Frankenstein on PCP because you are looking down the barrel of a gun. Those are some very different metaphors.

Torrie Wilson comes up to Carlito in the back and they awkwardly agree to go out after the show.

Women’s Title Tournament Semifinals: Maria vs. Lita

Mickie James is on commentary and Lawler says that Lita is rated E for Everyone. They trade small packages to start, followed by Lita stomping away in the corner. Maria hits a bulldog out of the corner into a Bronco Buster (Maria knows Lawler likes that) but Lita rakes the eyes. A DDT finishes Maria off in a hurry.

Lita points at Maria after the match.

The Marine is still a thing.

Randy Orton vs. HHH

Edge is guest referee. Before the match, HHH asks if you’re ready….and then Pedigrees Edge. HHH: “I guess he wasn’t ready!” Back from a break with a regular referee and Orton has to bail from an early Pedigree attempt. HHH sends him over the announcers’ table but Orton hammers away back inside. A chop block cuts Orton down (remember he tweaked his knee two weeks ago) but it’s too early for the Figure Four, with HHH kicking him into the post. The backbreaker sets up the Orton Stomp and we hit the chinlock. HHH fights up and hits the facebuster but here’s Edge for the spear and DQ.

Rating: C. The ending made sense as there was no reason for a single Pedigree to keep Edge out that long. If nothing else, I’m glad they got in and out a lot faster this time as we have seen the match twice in the last two weeks before this one. It isn’t like the matches have been great in the first place so keeping it short here was nice.

Post match the beatdown is on, including some chair shots. An RKO onto the chair is broken up and Edge hits the spear…which sends HHH outside to find the sledgehammer and clean house. So HHH just had a match with a former World Champion, got beaten down by two World Champions with chairs, and then shrugged off a finisher to clean house on hiss own with the sledgehammer? And I’m supposed to pay to see the pay per view tag match?

Eugene/Jim Duggan vs. Umaga

Eugene is terrified after last week so it’s Duggan slugging away to start. That’s broken up it’s a middle rope headbutt into the Samoa Spike to finish Duggan in a hurry while Eugene hides at ringside.

Coach tells Eric Bischoff that he is going to beat down the next person to walk through that door. It’s Ron Simmons, so Coach runs off before the catchphrase.

Ric Flair is ready to win the Tag Team Titles on Sunday and you can pick his partner. The options are Sgt. Slaughter, Roddy Piper and Dusty Rhodes. Each one gets to give their reasons and each one is rather fired up about the possibility. Slaughter says he orders us to vote for him, Piper says he refuses to lose and Dusty says it is about respect.

Cryme Tyme is interviewed…..and steal the monitor.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas

JTG slugs away on Haas to start but charges into an elbow in the corner. A butterfly suplex drops JTG again and Viscera drops a legdrop for two. The bearhug keeps JTG in trouble but a missed charge in the corner allows the hot tag to Shad. Everything breaks down as Shad cleans house and Viscera’s accidental distraction lets the G9 connect for the pin on Haas. JR: “It was just a misdemeanor!”

Rating: D+. I don’t remember Cryme Tyme being this good in the ring, though it isn’t that surprising given that they were both OVW guys. This was another nice win for them and even though it might be some time before they go anywhere, it is great to see a team being regularly featured so they can be built up a bit. Why that is so complicated is beyond me, as it has worked for a few weeks now.

Cryme Tyme celebrates and steal Lawler’s watch for a bonus.

HHH doesn’t care who the guest referee is because you saw how he deals with them. No matter how big Edge and Orton bring it, he’ll bring it bigger. Right.

Coach can’t decide who to vote for when Booker and Show come in and argue over who should fight Cena tonight. They agree it should be Coach, much to his chagrin.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and all three options are here. Coach wins (with 74% of the vote) but the other two stick around. Cena chases Coach to cut off his escape attempt but Booker and Show beat him down. Back in and Coach gets two, setting up some choking. Cena shrugs off the chokes and initiates the finishing sequence for the fast pin.

JR and Lawler remind us to vote to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not much of a show this week with some mostly bad matches and a lot of stuff that felt like a rushed build for Sunday. The other problem is this show being centered around a preview of the voting deal, which wasn’t exactly thrilling stuff. The pay per view should be fine, but it’s not like this was anything inspiring. It wasn’t the worst show, but Cyber Sunday isn’t quite inspiring at the moment.

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Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

It’s time for the biggest night of the year and this time around it has been rather fun. The Raw side has been a heck of a build while the Smackdown side has been hit and miss at best. This is one of the more forgotten Wrestlemanias (given that the image on the poster was of John Cena vs. Booker T., a match which hadn’t taken place in over a year at this point, you can kind of tell that they aren’t caring all that much) and it’s also the last one to date in a regular arena. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Eugene, Viscera, Goldust, Snitsky, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Matt Striker, Super Crazy, Psicosis, Funaki, Steven Richards, Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, Animal, William Regal, Simon Dean

Half from Raw and half from Smackdown, so yes they are wearing the designated shirts. Dean tries to do his intro and gets kicked in the face for the immediate elimination. Richards gets rid of Conway and Funaki goes out as well. There goes Cade, followed by Goldust getting rid of Richards. Striker is out too and there go Crazy and Goldust as the ring is cleared out in a hurry. Snitsky gets rid of Regal and MNM dumps Eugene after a Snapshot.

We get the Raw vs. Smackdown showdown and Murdoch and Psicosis go out back to back. We’re down to Viscera, MNM, Snitsky, Tomko and Animal with Viscera and Animal being the targets for the other four. Viscera misses a charge in the corner but beats up MNM without much trouble. That means a double Visagra (Cole: “Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!” What in the world could that possibly mean in this context?) and Melina is nearly sick. It gets even worse as Viscera tosses MNM to get us down to four.

Snitsky kicks Tomko out by mistake and the LOD chants start back up. A big boot to Animal lets Viscera get rid of him, much to the crowd’s annoyance. Snitsky misses a running big boot though and Viscera wins without touching Snitsky at all. Cole: “I was hoping that would go on for another 15-20 minutes!” Tazz: “One of the best battle royals I’ve ever been a part of!” They’re bringing the Wrestlemania level snark this year.

Rating: D. Yeah this was horrible but the whole point was to get the undercard on the roster. I’m not sure on the logic of having the Chicago guy get all the way to the final three and then have him lose for the sake of Viscera, but I guess they don’t want a heel winning to open the show. Not that it would have mattered as it would have been one of the pops of the night, but it’s not worth getting annoyed about in the first place as it was a six minute battle royal before the feature presentation begins.

Post match Viscera kisses Lilian, who doesn’t seem thrilled.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child sings America the Beautiful. You know they’re getting in those American visuals every year and this is no exception.

The opening video looks at some great Wrestlemania moments over I Dare You by Shinedown. I like the song so this is a pretty good combination. They switch over to another song and the matches for this year’s show. That’s a nice mix that they tend to do well most years.

The posters of wrestlers around the top of the arena are a nice touch.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

Show/Kane are defending and we get the always awesome visual of the city set being on fire during Kane’s entrance. Masters shoulders Kane down to start as JR says this is the first tradition two on two tag match for these titles since Wrestlemania XV. How do you go that long without doing the normal version? Kane is back up with a leapfrog into a dropkick and it’s off to Show for the loud chops in the corner. A poke to the eye allows the tag off to Carlito, who gets a HECK of a reception (one of the loudest reactions I’ve ever seen for him), though Show throws both he and Masters around with ease.

Carlito gets gorilla pressed over the top onto Masters (seemingly elbowing him in the face on the way down) and Kane hits the top rope clothesline onto both of them. Back in and a double flapjack actually gets two on Show, with the replay showing a ram into an exposed buckle had something to do with it. Kane gets the tag so Show has to break up the Masterlock. Everything breaks down and Masters saves Carlito from the chokeslam. Masters hits Carlito by mistake when trying to save him again, meaning Kane can boot Masters to the floor. Not the chokeslam can hit Carlito to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. It was basically a more energetic Raw match and that works well enough for a Wrestlemania opener. I tend to like something like this more than some white hot match to open the show as it means you can go up from here. Carlito and Masters hadn’t been treated as threats to the title coming into the show so it makes sense for them to be little more than an annoyance here.

Post match, Carlito and Masters argue, with the fans being entirely behind Carlito. No violence ensues though.

Shawn Michaels, with a bandage on his head, says he doesn’t regret saying that Vince McMahon needed to grow up. Last year he and Kurt Angle tore the house down and the year before that, he did the same thing with Chris Benoit and HHH. Tonight, Shawn is going to be a different version of himself. Tonight, Vince McMahon needs to bow down and pray because Shawn is taking him to his own personal h***.

Matt Hardy vs. Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Ric Flair vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam

Money in the Bank, allowing Cole to get in his first (to be fair in this case, minor) slip up of the night by saying Edge cashed in after John Cena’s Armageddon match. It’s a big brawl to start and the fans are behind Van Dam early on. Hardy goes for the first ladder but Van Dam takes him down with a slingshot dive onto the ladder onto Hardy for the crash. A ladder is bridged against the ropes so Shelton gets a running start for a huge flip dive to take down all of the young people.

Flair and Finlay fight in the ring (go on) but Matt comes in for the save with a superplex to bring Flair off the ladder (egads man). So Flair screams a lot and gets the X treatment (thanks to his knee), meaning we’re going to be down a person after about two and a half minutes. Lashley goes up top but Shelton grabs a sunset bomb. He can’t get Lashley down though so Finlay and Hardy go into the hurt business to bring Lashley crashing to the mat. Hardy crushes Finlay with the ladder in the corner until Finlay throws it back at him.

Finlay loads up the ladder but here’s Flair (after about three minutes away) to cut him off. Chops abound and Flair goes up again until Finlay makes the save with the Shillelagh, making Flair take another bump he shouldn’t be taking. The briefcase is swinging back and forth so Finlay can’t pull it down, allowing Shelton to go up as well. Lashley breaks that up and hits the Dominator on Benjamin, so Van Dam has to dropkick a chair into Lashley for the save.

Matt’s screaming legdrop from the ladder hits Lashley but he has to Side Effect Finlay off the ladder. Finlay gets knocked down as well though and Rob hits a splash off the very top of the ladder for the big crash. Van Dam goes up so Shelton does the always insane springboard onto the top of the ladder (because he can just do that) and hammers away. Matt brings in another ladder and climbs up to slug away at Shelton, who steps over to the other ladder. Rob shoves them both over for the big crash to the floor (always looks great) though and pulls down the briefcase to win.

Rating: B. This was good but not quite up to the standard that the big ladder matches have. It wasn’t all that long either and they didn’t have time to build much up. Shelton got in the big, impressive spots but there were enough high level bumps to go around. Van Dam and Flair were the only realistic winners here too so they picked one of the best options. Not as good as the others, but it still did what it was supposed to do.

New Hall of Famer Gene Okerlund is interrupted by Randy Orton, who doesn’t think much of someone who held a microphone for thirty five years. He promises to win the Smackdown World Title tonight but here’s Batista to say whoever leaves as champion is just holding it for him. Next year, he’s going to be champion at Wrestlemania XXIII.

It’s time for the Hall of Fame class, minus Bret Hart, who was not comfortable with appearing.

Gene Okerlund (No one did it better.)

Sensational Sherri (How was she not in already?)

Tony Atlas (He always seems happy to be around.)

Verne Gagne (Doesn’t mean anything directly to WWE, but you don’t have a wrestling Hall of Fame without him.)

William Perry (Sure, but he couldn’t get a suit? Or a tie? Or a shirt that tucked in?)

The Blackjacks (Again, how were they not in already?)

Eddie Guerrero (Yep.)

Vickie Guerrero looks rather overcome by the reception in a touching moment.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL, with Jillian Hall, is challenging and the ramp raises up so the limo can drive in. After commentary can manage to stop talking about Jillian’s cowgirl look, they bring up JBL wanting to prove that he can beat another great technical wrestler after Eddie Guerrero. They go straight to the slugout to start until Benoit drop toeholds him to try the Crossface. JBL is able to block it so Benoit headbutts him in the back of the head, which is a rather intense next step.

Some forearms to the neck keep JBL in trouble and a chop takes him down again. It’s too early for the Sharpshooter though and JBL bails to the floor to hide behind Jillian. Back in and JBL hammers him down in the corner until he misses a charge, allowing Benoit to roll the German suplexes. JBL crotches him on top though and hits the Eddie dance for some good mocking. The superplex brings Benoit down in a crash, allowing JBL to dance some more. He even hits two Amigos before having to boot Benoit in the face to cut off the comeback.

We hit the chinlock but Benoit fights up with more suplexes. The Swan Dive gets a close two but JBL blocks another Crossface attempt. He also blocks a German suplex with a grab of the rope and the referee, allowing him to….actually not cheat. Instead the Clothesline From JBL is countered into the Crossface, which is countered into a cradle (with a grab of the rope) to give JBL the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This has always been a bit of a weird one for me as JBL wasn’t exactly a hot challenger coming in but he did pick up the title, which reheated him in a hurry. He wasn’t going to make it back to the World Title anytime soon (or ever, as he didn’t need it), but he needed to win something instead of losing over and over again. This was good enough though and it’s hardly a stretch to see JBL win a match over Benoit.

We recap Edge vs. Mick Foley. Edge accused Foley of costing him the Raw World Title and wanted to beat him down, so Foley agreed to a fight. Foley wanted that one Wrestlemania moment and Edge is starting to realize that he might be in over his head.

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Hardcore match, Joey Styles joins commentary, Lita is here with Edge and Foley’s flannel shirt is buttoned up for a change. Edge has a bat to start but the early swings miss and Edge drops it to the floor. Foley slugs away in the corner and puts Edge in the Tree of Woe for the running elbow to the face. Lita throws in a metal sign though and it goes upside Foley’s head over and over. The spear hits early….and Edge is in a lot of pain, as Foley opens up the shirt to reveal a band of barbed wire wrapped around his stomach.

Foley cuts himself free and ties Edge in the ropes, meaning it’s time to grab the barbed wire bat. Lita tries for the save so it’s the Cactus Clothesline to Edge, sending all three outside in the process. Foley is certainly bringing it early on. A neckbreaker on the floor drops Edge and Foley pounds him down but his charge is hiptossed into the steps for a REALLY painful looking crash. There go Foley’s knees into the steps and it’s time for a chair. Edge loads up a table on the floor but Foley rolls off before Edge can come off the top.

Instead Edge slams him head first into the steel ramp (for a SICK thud)….and it’s time for the lighter fluid. Edge covers Foley in the fluid but gets piledriven for two. Foley grabs the chair but a Lita distraction lets Edge hit a DDT. Foley is busted and the barbed wire bat to the head makes it even worse. It’s time for the thumbtacks but Foley slams Edge (with no shirt) down onto them for the really big reaction.

A barbed wire Mandible Claw goes on and now it’s Edge being hit with the barbed wire bat over and over. Now it’s time for Foley to spray the table with lighter fluid but Lita hits Foley in the knee with the barbed wire bat. The table is set on fire and Edge hits the spear through the ropes and through the fire for the pin.

Rating: A. What is there to say about this? They massacred each other and Foley bled all over the place before taking a huge bump to end the match. This was a different side of Edge and it’s the side that needed to be shown to make him feel like more than a flash in the pan. This felt like two people wanting to hurt each other and then getting to do so, as Foley continues to know how to make someone into a much bigger star than almost anyone else.

Edge and Lita looking like they’re in physical shock after the match makes it a lot better.

Some fans won tickets to the show from Snickers.

Booker T./Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Booker makes Sharmell start, jumps Boogeyman from behind, and then comes in to hammer on Boogeyman. The comeback doesn’t take long and Booker is sent into the post. Boogeyman eats some worms and stares at Sharmell for trying a staff shot to the back. Sharmell gets kissed with the worms and runs off, leaving Boogeyman to chokebomb Booker for the pin.

Rating: F. Of course this is a failure as there isn’t anything to be praised here. It was the three of them doing a short, bad match and the big deal was Sharmell getting a mouth full of worms. There isn’t much else to it than that and the fact that this aired at Wrestlemania at any point after about 1991 tells you why it’s a failure.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James for the Women’s Title. Mickie is a psycho who was obsessed with Trish (they never said the word lesbian but that’s what they were going for) but Trish wasn’t interested. Once Mickie was flat out turned down, she completely snapped and decided to take the Women’s Title instead. This feels like a big fight and that’s a good thing around here.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending. They fight over a lockup to start as JR tries to diagnose Mickie’s mental state. The Thesz press (JR: “Maybe the Louise Thesz press.”) puts Mickie down but she comes back with a kick, only to be thrown into the splits. A baseball slide puts Mickie on the floor but Trish kicks the post by mistake. Mickie wraps the leg around the post in a smart move and there’s a dropkick to the knee to make it worse.

The fans get behind Mickie and she wraps the leg around the ropes. The half crab goes on before it’s time to stomp on the leg in the corner. Mickie stops to soak in the cheers and bends the leg some more. This time Trish reverses into the spinning anklescissors but the fans aren’t happy with the comeback. The Stratusphere is countered with another slam of the leg to the mat as Lawler notices that Mickie’s skirt isn’t the most functional in a match.

Trish comes back with a Stratusfaction attempt but Mickie grabs her between the legs (on the Network) and licks her own hand (not on the Network) as JR loses it. Mickie tries the Stratusfaction but she either leaves it short or Trish can’t hold her on the knee, meaning they botch it horribly (also not on the Network). Mickie settles for the Chick Kick for the pin and the title. JR: “THE NUT JOB HAS WON THE TITLE!”

Rating: B-. This was getting really good near the end but then the botch happened and it stopped everything cold. The leg stuff was good and while it would have made more sense to have Trish’s knee give out when she was trying the Stratusfaction, it worked for a story in the match as Mickie knew how to break the thing down. More importantly though, Mickie FINALLY ends Trish’s year long plus reign and becomes the new star, which is long overdue. They needed to have the title change here as Trish had run out of gas a long time ago but it wasn’t like she had anyone good enough to drop it to.

Vince McMahons has the rest of the family drop to their knees in prayer before his match with Shawn. Vince: “God, let’s face it. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me.” Vince praises his own physique and promises to end Shawn.

Mark Henry vs. Undertaker

Casket match and the druids take their time wheeling the casket to ringside. Undertaker does the full entrance and Henry manages to keep glaring at him before jumping him to start things off. Some running clotheslines don’t do much to Henry so he runs Undertaker over with a single shot. They head outside with both guys going head first into the steps. The fans are in am ore traditional role here with the Undertaker cheers, which are cut off when Henry blocks Old School.

A low blow saves Undertaker from going into the casket and now it’s time to go after the arm. Old School connects this time but he still can’t get Henry down. Henry runs him over again but misses the running crotch attack and gets dropped into the casket. Undertaker follows him in and the lid closes before opening up with Undertaker’s hand around Henry’ throat.

They get back inside with Henry hitting the World’s Strongest Slam and covering because he isn’t that bright. Speaking of not that bright, Henry hammers away in the corner but gets planted with the Last Ride. Undertaker throws him onto and over the casket, setting up the Taker Dive (which barely clears the casket). Back in and a pretty impressive Tombstone lets Undertaker put him in the casket for the win.

Rating: D. Another one which didn’t work so well, mainly because there was no drama. Who was believing that Mark Henry was going to be the one to break the Streak? The Taker Dive and Tombstone both looked great but there isn’t much of a way around the fact that it was Mark Henry trying to break the Streak. It had no drama and wasn’t even that long, leaving this near the bottom end of the Streak (at least once it became a big deal).

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon. Shawn told Vince that it was time to get over the Montreal Screwjob and grow up so Vince decided to destroy Shawn once and for all. He has done a great job of making Shawn miserable and now it is time for Shawn to FINALLY get his hands on Vince in a no holds barred match.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

No Holds Barred and there is a big framed copy of Vince’s Muscle and Fitness Magazine at ringside. Shawn jumps him to start and sends him into JR as the WE WANT BRET chants begin. The framed magazine goes around Vince’s head and Shawn is all ticked off. Cue the Spirit Squad to beat Shawn down though and hit the five man toss into the air. JR: “Someone get the hook!” Shawn gets their megaphone (which is smoking/powdery for some reason) and beats them down though, which sends them off for some reason.

Vince, now bleeding above the eye, gets in a clothesline to take over and it’s time to choke in the corner. The leather belt rips Shawn’s back up and it’s time to choke. Vince actually tunes up the band but Shawn blocks the kick (which had height but was nowhere near the right form) and hammers away. JR: “How are your stock dividends now???” The top rope elbow connects but here’s Shane with a kendo stick to take Shawn down. Always one to rub it in, Vince drops his pants but Shawn puts Shane’s face into it instead, followed by a low blow to Vince.

A clothesline puts Shane on the floor but that’s not enough, as Shawn handcuffs Shane to the rope. The Shane dance sets up a bunch of kendo stick shots to Shane and there’s a heck of a chair shot to Vince’s head. Lawler: “CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!” Vince is busted open and Shawn tunes up the band….before stopping cold. Instead he goes outside and grabs a ladder, which goes straight into Vince’s forehead.

Shawn still won’t cover as he grabs some trashcans and a table instead, even shoving Shane away to get to them. The trashcan to the head drops Vince again and Shawn goes up the ladder. Then he climbs back down and pulls out the BIG ladder. Shawn climbs again, does the suck it sign, and elbows Vince through the table for the huge crash. Medics bring a stretcher out but Shawn scares them off, stands Vince up, yells a lot, and finishes with the superkick.

Rating: C+. Of course it’s junk as an actual match, but this was exactly what they set it up to be. There is no reason to believe that Vince can hang with Shawn in a regular match so he didn’t really come close. Vince brought in a bunch of people, Shawn beat them up and then the beating began. Shawn destroyed him completely (or at least until the next night on Raw, or maybe a week later if they’re feeling generous) and it made sense. Might have gone a little long, but it was the logical way to go.

Post match Vince is taken out on a stretcher and still flips Shawn off. Cole talks about how Shawn promised to never go back to his old self but did it here. Not exactly, as it was just Shawn being violent and aggressive, which isn’t quite what they were talking about on the way here.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle for the Smackdown World Title. Rey won the Royal Rumble to earn the title shot but Orton talked enough trash to get him to put the shot on the line at No Way Out. Orton cheated to win, but Teddy Long put Rey in the match too, making it a triple threat.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending and POD plays Rey, in an Aztec warrior costume this year, to the ring. Orton jumps Angle with the belt before the bell to start but Angle is right back in with a German suplex to Orton, plus a double German to both of them at once (with Rey flying through the air). An overhead belly to belly takes Orton over as well but Rey sends Angle face first into Orton’s crotch.

Angle is fine enough to send Rey up for a super hurricanrana to Orton before throwing Rey outside. Rey breaks up the ankle lock attempt and kicks Angle in the head for two as the fans are split between Rey and Kurt. The 619 is countered into the ankle lock and Rey taps (less than four minutes in) but the referee is with Orton. The German suplexes take down both challengers and an Angle Slam to the floor drops Rey in a heap. That means an ankle lock to Orton but this time Rey grabs the referee so he can’t see a tap.

Rey Drops the Dime on Angle but gets knocked outside again. The RKO connects for a delayed two on Angle and Randy goes up top, earning himself the running belly to belly superplex. Rey is back in with the springboard seated senton for two more on Angle and Orton is back in to kick Angle to the floor. The powerbomb neckbreaker gets two on Rey but the RKO takes too long, allowing Angle to come back in with the Angle Slam on Orton. Rey slips out of the Angle Slam and armdrags Angle to the floor. That leaves Orton to be dropkicked into the ropes for the 619 into the West Coast Pop for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This is still one of the more perplexing big matches in Wrestlemania history as it had no real structure other than them doing moves to each other. Nothing was built up, nothing set up the finish and Rey just pinned Orton to win. It was fine as it was, but I was expecting a lot more, including more time as it didn’t even last ten minutes.

Post match the Guerreros come out to celebrate with Rey.

JR and the King talk about HHH and John Cena being ready for tonight. They needed two minutes for this instead of the other World Title match? Ah right: they needed to put a bed and pillows in the ring. Great way to use the Wrestlemania time.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

It’s the annual Playboy match pillow fight so JR talks about Frank Gotch gate records in Chicago during the entrances. They to to the bed to start and then hit the catfighting. Torrie turns the bed over on her and then puts her dog on Candice’s face. Candice loses her dress and then puts on a headscissors over the ropes while bending backwards over the ropes. A middle rope elbow hits Torrie on the bed and it’s time to cut Torrie out of her dress. Candice pulls out her Playboy but gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: D-. Yeah this happened and that’s about all there is to say about it. They were there to promote Playboy and it worked well enough, even though the Playboy Diva is usually a face and someone who wins but not quite this time around. It wasn’t exactly a match of course, but why would you expect anything else?

We see clips of the Wrestlemania press conference, with HHH saying the match against John Cena will be easy and Cena saying not so fast. HHH won a tournament to get the shot so there isn’t much of a story.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

Cena is defending and HHH, sitting on a throne in a Thor/Conan motif (the announcers say Conan but he had a big hammer), rises out from the stage. Cena on the other hand comes out after a gangster video and following an old car, complete with CM Punk as a machine gun toting gangster in one of the more well known Before They Were Famous cameos. Still as close as he ever got to the Wrestlemania main event. We get an old school weapons check as JR puts over the idea of the grunt vs. the seasons, trained professional to give us a good story to the match.

They fight over the arm control to start and Cena is sent into the corner for some frustration. The fans are almost entirely behind HHH here, or at least the loud ones are. The FU doesn’t work and they stare each other down again. Cena is sent outside for a big cheer but he comes back in to slug away. A backdrop gives Cena two and the fisherman’s suplex gets the same.

We’re already into the chinlock as the fans tell Cena that he can’t wrestle. There’s the big whip over the corner to send HHH to the floor and another backdrop puts him on the ramp. Back in and HHH hits the jumping knee for a positive reaction as commentary keeps talking about the crowd reactions. HHH whips him hard into the steps and the fans even pop for him breaking the count.

Back in again and the facebuster into a running clothesline gets two on Cena, with JR calling it a slobberknocker. A pair of neckbreakers gets two more and we hit the neck crank. HHH switches to a sleeper and then a chinlock as JR gets the World Title wrong and has to apologize to Rey Mysterio. Cena fights up and hits his own clothesline before winning the slugout. There’s a powerslam and Cena initiates the finishing sequence but the Shuffle is countered with a spinebuster for two more. Another sleeper is countered into a belly to back suplex and it’s the Shuffle into the STFU.

HHH finally makes the rope and escapes the FU before sending Cena into the referee in the corner. That means a low blow to both of them, meaning HHH can give us the crotch chop. It’s sledgehammer time and Cena is knocked silly for a delayed two. The FU gets the same and the fans are popping hard on these near falls. Cena misses a high crossbody so HHH tries the Pedigree but Cena pulls him into the STFU, even trapping the arm so HHH can’t make the rope. It takes some time but HHH finally taps and Cena retains.

Rating: A-. That’s the ultimate achievement on Raw and the win that Cena really needed to become THE guy. He had been champion for almost a year straight but still felt somewhat like someone who hadn’t made it all the way to the top yet. Cena had been the guy, but he wasn’t THE guy until this one and that’s a big change.

The match itself was great as you would expect from these two on the big stage. They played up the idea that Cena was in over his head but ground out another win as he tends to do. Cena was getting better at the big matches around this point and of course that would become one of his calling cards down the line. This worked well and felt like a Wrestlemania main event as the company is now Cena’s, which is what matters most.

The celebration and five minute highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B-. Just like it did in the buildup, Raw annihilated Smackdown here with the two matches that made the show and a lot of other good stuff in between (plus winning Money in the Bank). Edge vs. Foley and the main event certainly deliver, but the rest of the show isn’t anything great. There are some really bad parts on here but the rest is good enough. That may sound good, but I’d like a little more than “good enough” for Wrestlemania.

The biggest problem here is that there really aren’t many blow away moments. Cena winning was more of a long term deal, Rey winning the title felt more like Eddie’s big farewell, Money in the Bank is all about the future and Trish finally losing is hardly top tier stuff. Shawn getting the win against Vince was nice to see, but that middle finger after the match doesn’t make it seem like a blowoff. The problem here is Smackdown, as there wasn’t much of note other than Rey’s title win. It was a one sided show between the two brands and when the show is built around both, it doesn’t work so well, Good, but forgettable.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Raw: Eugene, Viscera, Goldust, Rob Conway, Lance Cade, Matt Striker, Trevor Murdoch, Tyson Tomko, Snitsky

Smackdown: Funaki, Super Crazy, Simon Dean, Steven Richards, Johnny Nitro, William Regal, Road Warrior, Joey Mercury, Psicosis

Simon tries to make a sales pitch to start and gets superkicked for an elimination. Conway poses while beating on Richards and gets dumped for his efforts. Funaki gets catapulted out and Cade quickly follows him. Richards is stupid enough to pose on the apron and gets knocked out with Striker getting eliminated a few seconds later. Murdoch eliminates Crazy as the ring is quickly clearing out. Psicosis puts out Goldust in a pretty big upset.

Snitsky throws Regal out and MNM plants Eugene with the Snapshot (elevated DDT) for an easy elimination. The final eight (Snitsky, Viscera, Murdoch and Tomko for Raw, Mercury, Nitro, Psicosis and Road Warrior for Smackdown) have the big staredown with Psicosis quickly eliminating Murdoch, only to be put out by Tomko. Viscera tortures MNM as Snitsky and Tomko forget their allegiance by starting a brawl that no one cares about.

MNM avoids a corner splash from Viscera and actually tries the Snapshot, resulting in a severely sore back. Viscera stacks them both up for a splash and the Visagra, which can only be described as rhythmic thrusting on the mat. MNM are thankfully eliminated and Snitsky kicks Tomko out by mistake. Road Warrior stares Viscera down and the fans chant for the LOD. A big splash crushes Road Warrior and the elimination is academic, leaving Viscera to avoid a running boot to eliminate Snitsky for the win at 9:04.

Viscera kisses Lillian post match.

The set is much simpler this year as it looks like the side of a skyscraper and is shaped liked the Chicago skyline, which fits the theme of “Big Time”. The highlight though is a bunch of portraits of various wrestlers around the arena for a unique and cool look.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. Chris Masters/Carlito

Masters and Carlito argue post match.

Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Ric Flair

Money in the Bank. Matt is serious again, Shelton is Intercontinental Champion again, Finlay is a tough Irish brawler and Lashley is an athletic freak and a powerhouse (originally described as Brock Lesnar times ten). To make it even better, all four commentators are on the match to make sure we never get a second of silence. Everyone goes after Lashley to start as the fans are all behind RVD.

US Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Joey Styles, the voice of ECW, takes over for JR.

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Rating: A. This is the kind of violence that they needed to have and the last shots with both guys in shock and rolling around in agony from the fire more than sold the whole thing. Foley is the perfect choice to bring in for something like this as this is the match that really made Edge. Yeah he was a big deal already, but this showed his mean streak for a change, which is one of the big steps up to the main event. This is the only match people remember from this show and it holds up very, very well.

Some fans won a contest to come to Wrestlemania, plus free Snickers.

Booker T./Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Booker and Sharmell are terrified and we might be in for a comedy match here. This match has been a long time in the making as Booker keeps faking injuries so he can avoid fighting Boogeyman but it finally happens here. Sharmell has to start, only to have Booker get in a cheap shot and tag in a few seconds later.

The Stratusfaction (springboard bulldog) is broken up with a grab between the legs, followed by Mickie licking her hand (edited out of most DVD versions). Trish blasts her in the face with a forearm and tries the Stratusfaction but the knee gives out (this is also edited though it might have been a bad attempt at selling the knee injury instead of a botch), allowing Mickie to kick her in the head for the pin and the title at 8:49. JR gets in a great line with “the nutjob has won the title.”

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Henry jumps Undertaker during the nearly three minute entrance and pounds him down using big clubbing blows. Yes I said BIG CLUBBING BLOWS. Undertaker tries running him over but a clothesline puts him right back down. They head outside with both guys going into the steps. Slow progress so far. Back in and Henry breaks up Old School and chokes Undertaker near the open casket.

Rating: D-. This was as going through the motions as you were going to get with neither guy looking like they were trying with any sort of effort. That being said though, if you were scheduled to get Kurt Angle and got Mark Henry instead, how fired up would you be? Bad match here as it was nearly nine minutes of punching and forearms until the ending.

We recap Vince vs. Shawn which I covered earlier. After the grow up line set him off, Vince sent Shane and the Spirit Squad (five male cheerleaders in an odd gimmick choice) after Shawn and even forced him to join his special club. As in the one that involved Vince lower his pants and a kiss from the other person. Figure out the details for yourself.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Vince flips Shawn off from the stretcher in a perfect touch.

Wrestlemania XXIII is in Detroit.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Vickie and Chavo Guerrero come out to celebrate.

HHH and John Cena are getting ready in the back and JR talks about Cena being defiant like his fans. Fans: “CENA SUCKS!”

Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson

Clips of the Wrestlemania press conference from earlier in the week. HHH called this the easiest match of his life because sooner or later, they all bow down to the king. He won a quick tournament to get the shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

HHH is challenging and comes out first with a full on Conan the Barbarian look, complete with throne rising through the stage, fur pelt, and of course a bottle of water. Just like Kane in 1998 though, his entrance is trumped almost instantly. We see an old newsreel style video of Chicago in the Great Depression. Gangsters were the only people living the American Dream and a group in Chicago lived harder than anybody. To survive, those people needed three things: Hustle, Loyalty and Respect.

Highlight package ends the show.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D+

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Original: A

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Boogeyman vs. Booker T/Sharmell

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C+

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

HHH vs. John Cena

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-22-i-barely-remember-this-show/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/31/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxii-hhh-does-it-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

The opening video is a Wrestlemania montage set to I Dare You by Shinedown. Awesome song and an awesome video.

We also get the usual kind of opening video with hype for the major matches.

Raw Tag Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

The losers argue post match.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay vs. Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Rating: C+. Just like the opener this was pretty meh but JBL was an awesome heel here. The part of this that sticks in my mind though is Benoit hitting that headbutt. After it hit he was grabbing his skull and was clearly in pain. Every time I see him hit something like that I cringe a little bit more and wonder if that was the point of no return.

Joey Styles jumps in on commentary for the next match.

Mick Foley vs. Edge

Backlash ad. Hey I was there.

Some celebrities are here.

Booker T/Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Mickie is challenging and has those awesome skirts that go all over the place. Trish is looking great too with the usual attire but showing her stomach as well. Trish is all aggressive here and chops Mickie down into the splits. They head to the floor but the Chick Kick hits the post. Mickie wraps the leg around the post and is still looking very psycho. Back in and a dropkick to the knee takes Trish down again, as does a dragon screw leg whip for two.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

We recap Vince vs. Shawn. Back in December, Vince had been talking about Montreal again and Shawn finally said let it go before nearly superkicking Vince. This led to Vince basically declaring war on Shawn, eventually leading to a street fight here tonight.

Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels

Wrestlemania 23 is coming to Detroit.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Chavo and Vickie celebrate with Rey.

Cena and HHH are getting ready in the back.

Candace Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson

Rating: F. Were you expecting more here? Next.

Video on the Wrestlemania press conference.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

Back to the floor we go and Cena is whipped hard into the steps. They head inside again for a facebuster from the challenger and a big old clothesline for two. A neckbreaker gets the same as the fans alternate between “screw you Cena” and “Cena sucks.” Off to a neck crank by the Game which is transitioned into a sleeper and then a chinlock. The champ shoves him off and hits a clothesline to put both guys down again. Back up and Cena fires off some more clotheslines followed by a powerslam for no cover.

A highlight package ends the show.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

Original: D+

Redo: C

Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B

Redo: B

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Original: A

Redo: A

Boogeyman vs. Booker T/Sharmell

Original: F

Redo: F

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Original: B

Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Original: D

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Original: F

Redo: F

HHH vs. John Cena

Original: A-

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-22-i-barely-remember-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania 22
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Michelle Williams

Now this is an interesting show. We’re now fully into what I guess you would call the modern era of both the company and Mania. Cena is the dominant world champion, Orton was his evil self, Taker’s Streak is at full power and Shawn is his Christian self. This show is much like 19: it’s solid, but easily forgettable for some reason. The wrestling is good but at the same time nothing jumps off the page at you.

This is also Kurt Angle’s more or less swan song in WWE as far as major angles go. He was drafted to ECW a few months later and after that did little to anything of note until his release and arrival in TNA. Jeff Hardy was about four months away from his comeback. The card looks somewhere between good and better than good so let’s get to it.

An added factor to this show is that I went to the follow up Raw exclusive PPV, Backlash, the next month. Since I remember it fairly well, I’ll be able to throw in some post show stuff leading up to Backlash.

After America the Beautiful it’s the standard history package to start with I Dare You by Shinedown playing which is a very good song here. The recap videos are something that WWE has always done very well. I don’t remember much of this buildup as it was three years ago but the packages help a lot. The theme song here is Big Time which is a bad pop song. Wrestlemania is supposed to have a freaking ROCK song with it, not a bad pop song.

A video runs us through the main matches and I have to think of the stupid Rey main event tour. Also tonight it’s Cena vs. HHH and Shawn vs. Vince. This is one of the weaker Manias as far as cards go if you didn’t get that.
Raw Tag Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

This was around the time that the two giants were just crushing everyone in their paths with reckless abandon. Carlito and Masters were two young guys that weren’t quite thrown together to face them here. As usual the Chicago crowd is white hot. Kane and Show come out together and weigh over 800lbs. How in the world is Kane the lightweight on a team?

Masters vs. Kane to start us off here. This is the first time in seven years that the titles have been defended at Mania in a traditional tag match. That’s kind of pathetic when you think about it. Show comes in and drills Masters a bit. Big chop in the corner makes people say WOO even though it’s a different kind of chop than Flair threw.

Show slams him and steps on the chest of Masters who tags out to Carlito. The Puerto Rican tries a wristlock and is promptly lifted up into the air and crotched with ease. Show launches Carlito onto Masters on the floor. Kane throws out a clothesline to both but lands between them resulting in a massive THUD on the floor but is up first. Total and complete dominance so far.

Somehow the challengers got the buckle off and Carlito dropkicks Show’s knee to send Show’s head into the buckle. Off to Masters now but like idiots they try a double suplex and get launched for their troubles. Kane comes in and a huge backdrop takes down Carlito.

Carlito gets a boot up and that more or less ends his offense. Masters manages to get the Masterlock on Kane but Show kicks him in the face to break it. Backstabber to Kane but Carlito walks into a chokeslam. Masters saves but Kane gets up. There’s no end to these guys. Chokeslam to Carlito ends this.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t a classic but it wasn’t supposed to be. This was little more than a glorified squash and that’s just fine for an opener. Both teams would be split up within a month though as the heels argued over who cost them the match here, leading to the Backlash opener which the newly face Carlito would win with a Backstabber. Kane and Show would lose the tag titles to the Spirit Squad of all people and Kane would begin to go insane.

They began a weird tweener vs. face feud where Kane’s voice would play throughout the arena as somehow not only could we hear his thoughts but they were wired around the arena. It tied in somehow to Kane’s See No Evil movie, but it was still pretty bad. It culminated with a fake Kane, apparently from Kane’s past, beating Kane at Vengeance. It made no sense and was a total waste of about three months.

Masters and Carlito argue post match with the fans supporting Carlito.

Shawn says he doesn’t regret telling Vince that Vince needed to grow up because it was the truth. He talks about how he’s always stealing the show at Mania but not to expect a five star classic out of HBK. Tonight is about violence because tonight it’s Vince that needs to pray as tonight Vince is enduring his own personal torment.
Money in the Bank

Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Ric Flair, Lashley, Rob Van Dam
Lillian in that dress with the cut down to her stomach made me lose consciousness for a bit there. Shelton is IC Champion here so no defense of it again. All four commentators are talking here. Van Dam is pretty clearly the most popular guy here. Lashley is a freaking beast. Flair comes out last because I guess he’s the most exciting one with a ladder? That pink robe kind of makes me think he’s not very extreme.

This is only the second of the matches so there isn’t really a track record. RVD chant to start as Lashley destroys everyone with power. Matt brings in the first ladder but Van Dam hits a baseball slide to stop it from coming in and dives on the ladder onto Hardy. No one is in the ring at the moment until Finlay vs. Shelton goes on there. Shelton hammers him with a ladder which is set up in front of the ropes like a ramp. Shelton gets a running start and hits a big flip off of it onto everyone not named Flair.

Finlay and Flair go up but the ladder isn’t in the right place for Flair. Matt goes up and suplexes the young 57 year old down. Flair is in agony and the referee throws up the X for him. Hey, did you know he broke his back in a plane crash in the 70s? Didn’t know if the first million or so times we told you that got it through or not. RVD drops Shelton onto the ladder but misses Rolling Thunder on it. There are only five people in there still at the moment.

Lashley goes up very slowly of course but Shelton runs up only to get popped in the head. Shelton fights him off but can’t get a sunset bomb to take him down. Matt and Finlay help him out and down goes Lashley finally. Another big RVD chant starts up. Matt takes over on offense but when he puts a ladder in front of Finlay to charge at him Finlay throws the ladder at him for a FREAKING OW MAN moment.

Here comes Flair because he hasn’t been on camera for almost five minutes. Did he need to be oiled or something? Since the ring is empty he sets up a ladder but is stopped by Matt. Flair chops some people away and touches the case. Finlay pops up with the club that no one can spell and takes Flair down. The case is swinging though so Shelton is able to stop him or at least slow him down.

Shelton knocks him down and tries to go up but Lashley shoves it down. Van Dam hasn’t been seen in a good while. Oh there he is with a chair on the top. He jumps off and dropkicks the chair into the ladder and everyone is down. Hardy, the idiot that he is, sets up a ladder in the corner. Oh instead he’s doing a signature move instead of trying to win. What a shock.

He goes up and gets a hand on it, drawing a ton of boos. Finlay makes the save and we’re told he’s not a ladder specialist. Dude you go up. How hard can it be? Side Effect to Finlay off the ladder takes down Finlay, Hardy and the ladder. Van Dam climbs the ladder in the corner and drops a regular splash on Finlay. It’s good that he didn’t do the Five Star version as he would have killed himself.

In one of my all time favorite spots, Van Dam goes up top but Shelton springboards from the apron to the top rope to the ladder to catch Van Dam. That’s simply incredible and beats everything I’ve ever seen. Matt puts up another ladder but he and Shelton go down. Van Dam is alone and is like dude that’s awesome and wins the match by pulling down the case. He would win the title in June but lose it in three weeks due to getting high with Sabu.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here of course but WAY too short to be a great match. This was less than twelve and a half minutes long to give you an idea of how short it was. This was good but at the same time they needed more to it. Also with only Lashley and Van Dam being legit contenders out there it was a bit weaker than last year. Good match though.

Josh Matthews, with a lot of hair, is with Gene Okerlund who has no hair. Orton interrupts and says he’ll win the title tonight. Batista pops up and says he’s returning soon, which is true. Just three short months later he did return.

It’s time for the Hall of Fame class to come out. Bret Hart isn’t here which is understandable I guess. The rest is Mean Gene, Sensational Sherri, Tony Atlas (they’re all accompanied by Divas here if that means anything), Verne Gagne, William “Refrigerator” Perry (he couldn’t get a suit for this?) the Blackjacks, Eddie Guerrero (represented by Vickie who wasn’t a TV character yet) and of course Bret who isn’t here.

United States Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit
No real storyline here as it’s really just JBL challenging him for the belt. In a really cool looking visual, the entrance ramp rises up like a garage and JBL’s limo drives out of it. Good lord Jillian Hall looks amazingly hot as a cowgirl. JBL has a hand injury here. JBL grabs a headlock to start and takes Benoit down with a shoulder. Benoit tries the Crossface out of nowhere but can’t lock it in.

Instead Chris settles for some hard chops in the corner. Out to the floor and JBL hides behind Jillian to take over. Benoit tries to chop back so JBL KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. Why mess with what works? Rolling Germans by Benoit must have JBL wanting to throw out some Nazi salutes. Benoit goes but get crotched. Eh with all those steroids in him the balls didn’t feel anything. JBL does Eddie’s dance to draw big heat and hits a superplex for two.

In a stat that I find almost impossible to believe, Cole says that only 5 matches in Mania history have ended in submission. I had to stop the match and go back to check on that. I found 7: Angle vs. HBK (21), Benoit vs. HBK vs. HHH (20), Rick Martel vs. Koko B. Ware (6), Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega (12-sleeper) Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin (13-Austin never tapped so I’m not sure if that counts), Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis (3-sleeper) and Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund (11).

Even with Cole being wrong, that’s still amazing. 7 in the first 21 shows meaning just one every three years. That’s either really impressive or really bad. Anyway JBL dances a bit more and hits Three Amigos. Benoit counters the third one but gets kicked in the face for two for his troubles. Off to a chinlock by JBL as things slow down a bit.

Benoit fights back and does Three Amigos of his own with Cole saying “this is how it’s done”, despite Benoit getting up differently than Eddie did. JBL did the same thing Eddie did. Flying headbutt by Benoit gets a long two. Clothesline misses but JBL grabs the referee to avoid the suplex. Clothesline attempt #2 is caught into the Crossface but JBL casually rolls him over and grabs the rope for the title. That’s the ending? Really?

Rating: D+. Seriously, that’s all there is here? The ending was flat out terrible. It made no sense at all and came from nowhere. JBL literally wasn’t in the Crossface for two seconds, and I timed it, before he rolled out. This match felt like it didn’t have a beginning and started at about 5 minutes in if that makes sense. Really not that good at all.

We recap the hardcore match between Edge vs. Mick Foley. Now this is the match this show is remembered for and with good reason. The story is that Edge stole the WWE Title from Cena using his MITB contract. Foley was the referee for some reason during the rematch, won by Cena. Edge of course says it was biased officiating. That leads to Edge challenging Foley, but Foley saying it’s hardcore. We get this.
Edge vs. Mick Foley
Joey Styles is on commentary here as he freaking well should be. Lita looks INSANELY hot here with the Edge vest, bra and jeans. Good freaking lord. Edge has a ball bat with him. Edge’s facial expressions as Foley comes to the ring makes this match already. That’s his best asset and always has been. When he gets in a big match, Edge’s face is just amazing. Foley has his (blue) flannel shirt on so you know he’s serious here.

Styles actually analyzes Foley’s choice of flannel which is a bit odd. Styles really is a great choice for commentary here as his voice just fits this. Edge swings away with the bat almost immediately which gets him nowhere. Tree of Woe by Edge early as Foley drops an elbow on him. Edge gets a shot in and has Lita hand him a cookie sheet.

These shots are LOUD. Foley takes a street sign to the head and rubs hit stomach. Do the sheets smell like cookies? Edge hits the spear after maybe two minutes and is writhing in pain from it. Foley gets up and rips off the blue flannel to reveal a belt made of barbed wire and the RED FLANNEL SHIRT!!! Foley whips him with the barbed wire and Edge is bleeding from the arm.

Edge is now tied up in the rope and the crowd pops for it. Foley hits the floor and finds Barbie, the barbed wire baseball bat. Lita comes in for the save by jumping on Foley’s back (seriously is there anyone she won’t hit on?) so Foley is like screw it and we get a Cactus Clothesline to the floor. That and a neckbreaker outside both get two.

It appears Foley has become Cactus Jack but when he tries a running knee into Edge into the steps he gets hip blocked into the steps which looked awful. Again the knees go into the steps. Does anyone wonder why Foley can barely walk anymore? Chair time by Edge. Sorry that there aren’t many jokes in this but there’s not much to make fun of. Edge hits the floor again and busts out a table.

Foley rolls off before Edge can put him through it so instead he just rams him into the steel of the ramp. That sound made me cringe. Back in the ring now and Edge has…oh blast it he has lighter fluid. He pours it on Foley but Mick is able to get a Piledriver to save his own life. Using a cookie sheet instead of a second chair Edge almost takes a Conchairto. He manages to get up and give Foley a DDT (not) on the cookie sheet.

Edge with Barbie now (is Lita Ken?) and he hammers Foley with it to draw blood. A bulldog onto Barbie gets two. Out to the floor goes Edge and he finds a bag of tacks. Oh dear. Apparently he had a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the stairs. Foley manages to reverse though and suplexes Edge onto the tacks. Considering Edge wasn’t wearing a shirt that was awesome.

Here’s Socko but Foley wraps it in barbed wire. Claw to Lita as well and now Foley has Barbie (make sure to use protection since Edge already had her). Edge takes a shot to the head and is busted open as well. Oh man he’s cut BAD. Foley, the nice guy that he is, rips the barbed wire deeper into the skin of our Canadian villain.

Foley finds the lighter fluid and holds it up like a treasure in a Zelda game. The table gets soaked in it and yep they light it on fire. In the famous spot from this show, Edge dives through the ropes and spears Foley into the flaming table, burning both men in the process. The pin is academic.

Rating: A. They wanted to make Edge look awesome and they certainly did it here. Foley looked great too as once in awhile he can break out a great match and that’s what he did here. This was exactly what they needed and was enough to let Edge get back into the main event. Great match and the Mania moment that both guys were looking for. In true WWE style, they would be partners weeks later.

Foley gets a standing ovation to leave.
Booker and Sharmell are in the back and Sharmell is freaking over Boogeyman. Booker says he’s not a freak magnet. He then runs into Pirate Paul Burchill and then Ted DiBiase and Eugene doing the basketball thing as I mark out. The basketball thing was where DiBiase would say that if a guy could bounce a basketball 100 times in a row he would give them 1000 dollars.

On about 97 he would kick it away. He laughs and offers Booker a chance at it, saying everybody’s got a price for the Million Dollar Man. Seriously people, go look up his old stuff. In my opinion, he is still the greatest heel that ever lived. One more note about the basketball trick, back in the 80s, a young man from Battle Creek, Michigan named Rob was swindled by DiBiase. He eventually changed his name to Rob Van Dam.

He also finds Snitsky licking Mae Young’s toes and Goldust dressed as Oprah. I love these kinds of segments. Goldie says Booker has to accept the freak in him to beat the Boogeyman. There’s talk of worms in mouths and in a place that Booker is angry over having Goldust whisper to him. DiBiase’s laugh takes us off.

Ad for Backlash. Hey I was there!

We see some sweepstakes winners that no one cares about.

Joe Theisman and Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child are here.

Booker T/Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is Booker keeps faking injuries to get out of matches and is threatened with being fired if he doesn’t wrestle. He was found out anyway and here’s your result. Oh and they’re both terrified of Boogey. Yes Booker, a five time world champion, is terrified of the Boogeyman. Booker wants Sharmell to start us off. It’s weird to hear Cole as a normal announcer at this point.

Booker comes in and hammers away. This is about what you would expect: Booker pounds away, it doesn’t work, Boogey dances a lot and Booker still can’t hurt him. Book End hits and Boogeyman gets up at two. Booker is sent into the post and Boogeyman pulls out a pocket full of worms. He has a snack and Sharmell tries to hit Boogey with his staff. She gets kissed by a mouth full of worms and runs. Chokebomb ends this with Boogeyman winning.

Rating: F. If I need to explain this, you’re an idiot. Did Booker get caught screw Stephanie while giving TNA inside information and choking out Vince at the same time or something?

We recap Trish vs. Mickie. In short, Mickie was psycho and wanted Trish. This involved seeing Trish in the shower and kissing her. I think they dressed up as each other a few times also. Trish finally has enough and Mickie loses it. Trish has been champion for like a year at this point so the title change was long overdue. Watching this video, the build to this was pretty awesome.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

The main perk here would be their looks. Mickie would wear these really loose skirts which would often fly into the air. To the shock of no one, Trish looks incredible. It’s so ridiculous to see how far the Divas have fallen today. These girls have personality and are interesting and I want to see them fight after what felt like a somewhat epic storyline built around them.

Trish goes right after her and gets a Thesz Press to take her down. Big chop puts Mickie down. Trish knocks Mickie down into the splits and then kicks her in the head. Out to the floor and the Chick Kick hits the post to set the story for this match. Mickie works the knee because she’s intelligent despite being psycho.

She DDTs the leg for two as the fans are almost ALL behind Mickie here. Lots of knee work here which is the main thing involved in Trish’s finishers. She pulls Trish’s hair and slams Trish’s face into the mat in a painful looking move. Mickie jumps onto the leg and spins around, looking for praise.

Mickie is mixing up her offense on the leg between holds and strikes to it. See, THAT is important. It makes things far more interesting as instead of just sitting around with one thing we get a variety. She puts a leg bar on but Trish wraps her legs around Mickie’s head and gets a headscissors out of it. That was rather good actually.

They slug it out a bit more with neither girl having a real advantage. Mickie goes up but Trish catches her in the Stratusphere. Mickie counters that though and drapes the leg over the top rope again which gets two. Half crab is rolled up into a small package which gives us two and a great back shot. Mickie goes up again but is caught by a sitout powerbomb for two.

Trish hammers away and the Matrish avoids a kick of some sort. She sets for Startusfaction but Mickie rubs Trish’s crotch to break it up and then licks the hand that was down there. See, little things like that get the gimmick over. They set for the ending which is Mickie using the Stratusfaction but Mickie TOTALLY misses the rope and botches the heck out of it. A weak kick to the head ends it instead. JR’s line of THE NUTJOB HAS WON THE TITLE sums this up perfectly.

Rating: B. This would have been an A if not for the finish. I’m not sure which is better: the tiny outfits and how sexy both were in them or the fact that this was really a great match. The botch at the end almost kills this though, but aside from that it’s great and one of the best women’s matches I’ve ever seen. More importantly than anything though: I cared about it because there was an interesting storyline with developed characters. DO THAT MORE OFTEN!
All four McMahons are in the back and they pray. What do you really expect here?

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

This match came about after Henry was for some reason pushed as top heel on Smackdown, feuding with Angle for the title. Angle beat him clean at the Rumble and then Taker had Angle beat for the title on Smackdown but Henry attacked the dead man. Taker than challenged Henry to a Casket Match for some reason and we get this. No buildup video for this either as they’re not even trying to convince us the Streak is in jeopardy. Henry is of course not afraid of the dark.

Taker gets the big entrance with the druids. Oh wait that’s just for the casket. Hey we do get a brief recap. I see why it didn’t get a full one. Daivari is Henry’s manager at this point but isn’t here. This would lead to the debut of Great Khali. Henry jumps Taker during his entrance, more or less sealing his fate. Taker gets a big boot and clothesline but can’t take Henry down.

Clothesline by Henry shifts momentum a bit. Can you believe that this is the same guy that was able to have classics with Shawn and then on the other hand you have Henry who had been there ten years at this point and has gotten worse after starting bad? If you can’t tell I’m trying to not have to talk about the match. Henry goes into the steps, Taker goes into the steps, Old School is blocked and the casket is open.

No one in the world thought Henry had a chance here and the fans are more or less accepting that. When Henry is on offense there’s no heat at all. Taker gets a boot to the shoulder and hammers away on it. Old School hits this time and Henry still won’t go down. Taker tries a Downward Spiral but is blocked, drawing a Henry Sucks chant.

Henry goes after Taker but misses, landing in the casket. Taker winds up in there also and they fight in there for a bit. Taker reaches up and chokes away as this is already needing to end. Back in the ring with Taker striking but he jumps into the World’s Strongest Slam for no cover as Henry isn’t that intelligent. Taker stands up in the casket and gets out rather easily.

Taker gets beaten down in the corner and then like the moron that he is, Henry climbs up to pound down punches. When do you see Taker try cross bodies or Henry do that? Not a fan of moves like those. Taker doesn’t get a Last Ride but more or less falls forward to put Henry down. Henry goes onto the casket so Taker dives over it to take him down. Tombstone in the ring and the ending is academic.

Rating: D. This was bad for one simple reason: there was no drama to it at all. Taker matches at Mania can work very well but at the same time there are matches where there’s no point to him being there, such as this one. I mean dude, Mark Henry? This was a joke and everyone knew it. Boring match and nothing happened at all.

There’s a Divas Lingerie show coming up or something.

We recap Shawn vs. Vince. There was a Raw in Montreal and Shawn apologized to the fans, who kind of accepted it. Vince comes out and laughs about it. Shawn says he needs to grow up, then throws a super kick at him, intentionally missing by as little a margin as he can. This launched a feud which mainly consisted of Vince trying to get Shawn hurt.

Marty Jannetty returned to try to help Shawn but was fired after something like two weeks. Shane faced Shawn on SNME in a street fight and they redid the Montreal finish. Somewhere in there Shawn was forced to kiss up to Vince. It was an ok feud but nothing great. The blowoff was supposed to be here, so let’s take a look. This was supposed to be Bret but he didn’t do it for four years.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Shawn comes out first which is kind surprising. Vince is demonic according to JR as he comes out. McMahon is very proud of his physique and can you blame him? He has a framed cover of his Muscle and Fitness magazine at ringside which might as well have an X on the middle for the part that goes on his head. Shawn goes straight to the floor and we head to the tables quickly.

JR loses his headset which makes this match more enjoyable. Shawn grabs the framed cover and cracks it over Vince’s head. JR is completely one sided here because of Vince treating him badly over the years or something. The Spirit Squad hits the ring to make it 6-1. Who would have thought that Dolph Ziggler (Nicky!) would be a world champion before Shawn?

They hit their finisher which is where they all grab the other guy and throw him into the air as high as they can. Kenny misses a guillotine legdrop and Mikey grabs the bullhorn which is applied to the sides of their heads. Vince is able to recuperate during that time and hammers away a bit. Off comes the belt and the whipping begins.

Vince sets for Sweet Chin Music which is caught. Maybe he should have tuned up with a little Stand Back before he did that. Shawn fires away with the forearm and nip up so he can whip Vince a bit. Top rope elbow hits and it’s time to Tune Up the Band. Cue Shane with a kendo stick to crack Shawn in the head.

With Shane standing guard, Vince takes down his own pants. Yep it’s time for the kissing spot but Shawn gets his momentum back and sends Shane’s face into his dad’s back. Shawn pulls handcuffs out of somewhere (Vince maybe?) and ties Shane to the rope. After doing Shane’s dance, Shawn beats the tar out of him with the stick.

Chair time and a HUGE shot puts Vince down. Shawn sets for chin music but stops as Vince collapses. Instead he hits the floor and pulls out a ladder. A shot to the head puts down Vince as I think you know what’s coming here. Vince is dripping blood here. Chin Music is stopped again as Vince is almost lifeless.

Shawn pulls out some garbage cans and a table. Shane is still cuffed mind you. The table is set up after a can shot. Shawn goes up the ladder with Vince on the table and then climbs down. He had a scary look on his face before he came down. Out to the floor again and it’s the BIG ladder. Lawler says it’s 30ft high, meaning Shawn is about 15 feet tall. Shawn fires a crotch chop from the ladder and drops the biggest elbow ever to kill Vince. Sweet Chin Music finally ends this with Vince just collapsing from it. The pin is academic of course.

Rating: C+. Well this was supposed to be a beating and that’s exactly what it was. Vince can take one heck of a beating when he has to and this was no exception. Shawn looked great here with the whole letting the old Shawn sneak in as his mind was being affected by Vince. Good beating but Vince had literally nothing for about 8 minutes at the end. Granted he wasn’t supposed to so that’s easily forgivable. Fun stuff but not great.

Vince flips off Shawn from the stretcher which is just classic.

WM 23 is coming to Detroit.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Angle is the champion. Rey won the Rumble in honor of Eddie Guerrero and last eliminated Randy Orton to win. Orton went insane heel by saying Eddie was burning and managed to get Rey vs. Orton at No Way Out for the Mania title shot. Orton won and Teddy just made it a triple threat because he could. You knew there would be a triple threat in there somehow. This gets the music video treatment tonight, set to I Dare You by Shinedown. Love that song.

Smackdown Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

POD plays Rey to the ring which is always awesome to see. This would be cool but Rey has a massive headdress on which I think is taller than he is. Dang it Rey does no one look at you before you go out there? Orton is very cocky here and therefore awesome.

Kurt got the title when Batista was injured and Kurt won a battle royal. See, that’s the perk of having guys like him or Shawn. Got an injury? Need a totally credible main eventer to throw in there? How about Kurt Angle or Shawn Michaels as world champion? I think most people would be cool with that. I would be.

Orton jumps Kurt and the fight is on. Kurt is on the floor and Orton gets a dropkick on Rey for two. Angle gets back in and grabs a German on Orton. Then he suplexes both at once and Rey goes FLYING. That was awesome looking. Angle is all fired up here. Belly to belly to Orton as Kurt is killing it. Rey hammers away at baldie and the fans audibly boo. But it’s about EDDIE!!!

In a great spot, Orton is sitting on the ropes and Rey charges at Angle. Angle grabs him and launches him over Kurt’s head and Rey lands in a perfect rana on Orton for two. Angle suplexes Orton back into the ring and the fans are behind him. Rey gets a kick to Kurt’s head to take him down for two. The fans chant 619 and Rey gets a headscissors to Kurt who crawls into the 619 position like an idiot.

Ok maybe not so much of an idiot as Kurt grabs the ankle lock out of nowhere. Orton distracts the referee so the tapping by Rey isn’t seen. Kurt and Orton slug it out but I guess Kurt gets bored so he suplexes everyone in sight and hits the Angle Slam to Rey to the floor. Ankle lock to Orton and Kurt gets the grapevine. Rey pulls the referee out as Orton taps so Kurt has won twice in theory.

Kurt throws it on again but this time Rey drops the dime to break it up for two. Fans aren’t thrilled by that at all. Rey is sent into the post but Orton counters the Angle Slam and hits the RKO for two. Randy goes up so Kurt pops up the corner and gets the belly to belly. Rey botches the 619 then does it right.

Seated Senton gets two on Kurt. Orton kicks Kurt to the floor and gets a slick backbreaker into a neckbreaker for two on Rey. He sets for the RKO but Angle hits the Slam on him for two. Rey avoids the Slam and sends Kurt to the floor via an armdrag. 619 sets up the West Coast Pop to Orton to give Rey his first world title in less than ten minutes. Seriously, that’s it?

Rating: D+. Seriously, that’s it? The match was ok but for a world title match at Wrestlemania, that’s it? How many world title matches have you seen at Wrestlemania that don’t crack nine and a half minutes? The title reign was awful, namely due to him being booked like a joke but that’s another story. The match was ok but I thought it was clipped as it was so ridiculously short.

HHH and Cena are getting ready. The fans are clearly behind HHH here, openly booing Cena. Ross says most of the fans are traditional as he’s clearly out of stuff to talk about. Maybe a match ran short? LOUD Cena Sucks chant.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

This is a Playboy Pillow Fight and the reason they were stalling I guess. Candice is introduced from the wrong city. JR says the gate tonight is over $2 million dollars. That’s insane to say the least, especially considering this isn’t a stadium and has less than 20,000 people. Torrie’s music was recycled and is now used by Laycool. She has a freaking dog with her. Ross makes my head feel better by saying the next show is in Lexington. That made me smile.

These two had both been in Playboy. There’s a bed in the ring and pillows and all that jazz. You win by pin or submission. Do I need to explain what’s going on here? They’ve in evening gowns, they don’t stay on long, Torrie wins and they’re in very little clothing. We’re done. This got nearly 4 minutes. Yes, this got almost half as long as the world title match. This couldn’t have been added to that match perhaps? I guess not.

Rating: F. Long, dull, and a waste of my time.

We see some clips from the Wrestlemania press conference. Cena and HHH cut basic promos about being champion post show.

No real backstory here. Cena was champion and HHH won some worthless tournament.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH

HHH comes out looking like Conan’s mostly metrosexual brother. He’s wearing a fur pelt and a crown and a breastplate. He rises from a throne to play up the King of Kings bit. He looks absurd but at least after a few seconds we switch over to All About The Game which is a better song I think.

We then see…a newsreel about the Great Depression? Yes indeed, as we hear about the rise of Capone and organized crime in Chicago. The stage rises again as a 1930s era car comes out and fake gangsters armed with Tommy guns ride out. As a geek note, the one on camera side is clearly none other than CM Punk! Total mark out moment for me there as the gangsters surround the ring.

Even the fans are confused here. Cena’s music finally hits and he is booed out of the freaking building. He comes out in a black suit and fedora which would have been awesome had it not been for him wearing shorts and making the trench coat look like a bathrobe. He fires some blanks (honey it happens to a lot of guys I swear) and throws off the coat to reveal his t-shirt and the main event black shorts. We get the big match introductions which will never get old.

HHH is introduced as the Cerebral Assassin, the King of Kings, the Game, the 10 Time Champion. Cena is introduced as the Dr. of Thuganomics. They even get checked for weapons. That’s not something you see anymore. After a long staredown process they lock up and HHH grabs a headlock into a hammerlock. Technical stuff to start here.

Back to the arm stuff as we’re in a feeling out process here. The fans are all over Cena with a huge F YOU CENA chant. Cena tries an FU early but HHH reverses and DRILLS Cena with a right hand to take him down. Cena has to reset a bit as a HHH chant starts. The Game throws him to the floor as they definitely haven’t gotten going full speed yet.

HHH plays to the crowd but Cena sneaks up on him and hammers away. Back drop gets two. Fisherman’s Suplex with a floatover gets two also and we hit the chinlock. YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant starts up which is just hilarious at this point. Cena throws him into the corner and HHH goes over the top and out to the floor. Out onto the aisle and HHH wants a Piledriver but is backdropped onto the steel instead.

Cena’s main offense has been the right hand and I can’t blame him at all for that. HHH fights back and chokes away. Out to the floor for a bit and Cena’s shoulder goes into the steps. Now why would HHH let the referee count? It’s giving Cena a chance to breathe and he won’t win the title that way. I guess you could argue it lets HHH rest.

Back in and HHH hits a suplex and Flair knee drop. Facebuster gets a big pop and a clothesline puts Cena down for two. HHH is covering after almost every move or two that he does which is a very nice thing for him to do. It makes him seem like he wants to win every time which is the idea. They slug it out but another neckbreaker takes Cena down for two.

Modified chinlock/neck vice goes on and Cena is in trouble. Cena fights up but walks into a sleeper. He hasn’t had a steady string of offense all match other than a brief one about 8 minutes ago. John fights out and takes HHH’s head off with a clothesline and both guys are down for a bit. Powerslam puts HHH down and Cena is in control.

Protoplex sets up the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. The shot of Cena looking at the crowd before he goes for it is great. HHH gets up and catches him in a spinebuster for a long two. Nice move there. Right back to the sleeper but Cena reverses quickly into the Shuffle which hits this time. He pumps the shoes and grabs the STFU out of nowhere.

In a nice show of strength though HHH crawls to the ropes and we’re not done yet. FU is reversed and the referee is crushed in the corner. HHH throws a low blow and hits both guys. Crotch chop to Cena as we have more DX foreshadowing. There’s the sledgehammer but Cena blocks it and hammers away (no pun intended) until a shot to the head takes him down. THAT somehow gets two.

Pedigree is reversed and here comes Cena. FU hits and gets two which results in an eruption from the crowd. Dang good match here so far. Cena has no idea what else to do as both of his finishers have more or less failed. A splash of all things misses but the Pedigree is countered into another STFU and the referee checks the arm. HHH keeps it up (Stephanie says yay!) but then after almost a minute in the hold HHH taps and Cena keeps the title.

Rating: A-. Great match here and definitely Mania main event worthy, but the problem comes down to this doesn’t feel epic. It’s a great match but at the same time it looks like just another title defense for Cena. This would have been a lot better if HHH had come in with the title and Cena had taken it here, but at the same time this worked fine.

Overall Rating: B. If there was a rating between B- and B this would get it. The whole thing is good overall but there are some spots that make you shake your head. For instance the Booker match, the pillow fight thing, the World Heavyweight Championship match, the MITB being so short etc. It’s a good shot, but it’s nothing I’d want to see over and over. It’s good for a rainy day but that’s about it. Recommended but not incredibly highly.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 23, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 15,101
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the 700^th episode and that means we are going to be in for a pretty big show. It does not help that we are just a few weeks removed from the Raw Family Reunion show, but we only have about two weeks to go before Cyber Sunday so the push continues. We have a few matches set up already so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

We see a bunch of the media coverage from John Cena laying out Kevin Federline last week.

Here’s Kevin Federline to get things going. He’s back here on Raw for payback because everyone was talking about his appearance last week when John Cena laid him out. Federline isn’t a lovable loser like the Chicago Cubs though and he is ready to see Cena lose at Cyber Sunday. He brings out King Booker and Queen Sharmell, the former of which calls Federline’s album a treasure.

Booker can’t wait for Cena’s title to be on the line so he can be a double champion, but here’s Big Show to disagree. Show refers to the King as just Booker, which does not go well with the King. Show: “I’ll call you anything I want.” The two of them both tell Federline that they will win at Cyber Sunday but here is Cena himself to interrupt. Cena says this must be the dumbest lineup in the history of Celebrity Jeopardy, but he really sees a big royal pain in the a**.

Cena mocks Show’s acting legacy as the Staypuft Marshmallow Man and Jabba the Hut, plus his future role as the white Fat Albert. Then there is Booker, who called Federline’s album a treasure. Cena: “Booker, you have officially lost your status as a black man.” Ron Simmons comes in for the one line cameo (that was perfect) and Cena advises Federline to stop playing with fire (the album name) and to try playing with himself.

Women’s Title Tournament Semifinals: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina jumps her at the bell to start fast but Mickie gets in a few kicks for a breather. A quick suplex puts Mickie back down and we hit the dragon sleeper. That’s broken up and Mickie slugs away, only to get caught with a swinging neckbreaker. Mickie hurricanranas her out of the corner and grabs the MickieDT for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t much of a match but it was actual wrestling after weeks of nothing for the first round. I know the women’s division is completely worthless at this point but there are people who can wrestle, making the nonsense all the more frustrating. This was just a quick match, but after all of the terrible stuff so far, it was rather refreshing.

We look back at Umaga vs. Jackass.

Carlito/Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chris Masters

Shelton throws Hardy outside to start and Masters gets in a slam on the floor. Back in and Shelton grabs a chinlock with the fans all behind Hardy. Masters comes in but Hardy knocks him away and makes the hot tag to Carlito to pick up the pace. A Flatliner plants Shelton and the back to back corkscrew flip dives hit both villains. Back up and Masters sends Hardy into Carlito and grabs a rollup with a hand on the rope for the pin.

Rating: C. They packed a good bit of stuff into this one and while it wasn’t anything great, it did a nice job of building up the idea of Hardy having to defend against someone at Cyber Sunday. It is a little tricky to build up a match against no one in particular but they are doing what they can with what they have here. I’m not sure it worked, but the match was ok.

Edge and Randy Orton are ready to beat up DX on Sunday because they are sick of the lack of respect. Cyber Sunday is coming, so when Orton faces HHH tonight, the three nominees to referee the match (Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff and Jonathan Coachman) are going to be at ringside.

Johnny Nitro thinks Kevin Federline is a better rapper than Cena, but for now Nitro is going to prove that he is a better wrestler.

Wrestlers debate if John Cena or the Marine is tougher. Cena would like to meet his character because he has bad taste in people he would like to meet.

Johnny Nitro vs. John Cena

Non-title and Nitro has Melina and Kevin Federline with him. Cena starts fast by sending him into the corner and an elbow to the face puts Nitro down again. A Federline distraction lets Nitro hammer away though and a neckbreaker gets two. Cena gets sent outside where Federline slaps him in the face. The distraction lets Nitro hit a big dive and something like a bulldog gives Nitro two. A chinlock with a bodyscissors has Cena in more trouble but he powers out in a hurry. The ProtoBomb into the Shuffle into the FU finishes Nitro in a hurry.

Rating: C. I know Cena keeps beating Nitro but these haven’t been squashes and that makes for some nice boosts for Nitro. He is being treated as someone who might make Cena break a sweat and that’s a lot more than a lot of the other people around here. The Federline stuff is still annoying, but it’s not like it dominated the match or anything.

Post match Cena goes after Federline but gets jumped by Big Show and Booker. The beatdown is on and the heels pose….until Booker lays out Show with the Bookend.

Spirit Squad vs. Cryme Tyme

Non-title. Mikey slams JTG down to start and it’s off to Johnny to rip at his face. A suplex, with Mikey almost dropping him, gets two and we hit the chinlock. Back up and a leapfrog allows JTG to get over for the hot tag to Shad and it’s time to clean house. The G9 finishes Mikey in a hurry. Short and to the point, as Cryme Tyme continues to look like stars.

Post match Kenny goes on a rant about how he is sick of the losing, especially to a bunch of old people. Therefore, he is going to beat Ric Flair on his own.

This Week In Wrestling History: WCW’s Chamber Of Horrors (Voiceover: “Yes I said electrocuting him.”). The snark is high with this one.

Eugene, in a Chicago Bears jersey, is shooting out t-shirts when Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada interrupt. Estrada talks about the fans being able to choose if Umaga faces Chris Benoit, Sandman or Kane at Cyber Sunday….and Eugene shoots him low with a t-shirt. Umaga destroys Eugene as usual.

Video on the Japanese tour.

Jim Duggan tells Eugene he was too nice of a guy out there….and Eugene jumps him but seems to immediately regret it.

Kenny vs. Ric Flair

The Spirit Squad is here with Kenny but Flair didn’t believe what he said anyway, so here are Sgt. Slaughter, Roddy Piper and Dusty Rhodes to even things up. Kenny runs him over for an early two but Flair is back with the chops. Mikey grabs Flair’s foot though and Kenny gets a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Post match the brawl is on with the Squad being cleared out (minus Kenny, who ran off). Old school dancing ensues.

Robert Patrick is in the Marine. Good grief wrap this stuff up already.

Brooke Hogan has an album coming out tomorrow.

DX is in the back to plug their merchandise but they’re also not worried about Randy Orton and Edge. They drop down like they’re in an elevator….but Shawn says it’s out of order and walks away like he is going down a flight of stairs. Shawn’s lame dad jokes are always good for a chuckle.

Cyber Sunday rundown.

Vince McMahon runs into Eric Bischoff and Jonathan Coachman. They’re cool with each other before the main event and Vince plugs Controversy Creates Cash.

We look back at Cena getting beaten down.

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Eric Bischoff, Jonathan Coachman, Shawn Michaels, Lita and Edge are all at ringside, though Vince is off on the phone with his broker. After a quick joke about Edge and Orton’s relationship, we’re ready to go. We take a break before the bell (it’s so easy) and HHH starts fast with a knee to the face into a suplex. Orton is already out on the floor so HHH posts him and takes it back inside.

Orton gets in a shot to the face and grabs a DDT, setting up the posing. The big knee drop gets two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and HHH hits a jumping knee to the heel, only to have Lita grab the leg. Orton gets in the backbreaker but the RKO is broken up, with Orton being shoved into both the referee and Shawn. Edge spears HHH so Shawn superkicks Coach. Shawn gets posted by Edge but Bischoff hands Orton a chair to knock HHH out for the pin (as JR’s voice is almost out).

Rating: C+. It is usually better to keep this one short and that is what they did here. Orton vs. HHH does not have the best chemistry so having them out there for about seven minutes with interference makes it a little bit better. It was also the right way to go as Orton needed to win a match, even if it should have happened last week.

Overall Rating: C. I like the fact that they didn’t make this feel like some big, special show after the Raw Family Reunion a few weeks back. This show focused on Cyber Sunday, as it should have, because the show is in less than two weeks. I’m not exactly interested in a lot of what they are doing, but a little bit of a build is better than none at all. Not a great show here, but at least they did something.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 16, 2006
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,169
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on the way to Cyber Sunday and that means things are going to start getting some of the stipulations set up. The main event is already set up as John Cena, Big Show and Booker T. will have the big Champion of Champions match. We need something else to be added to the card though so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s DX to cut off Lilian Garcia’s intro….or at least their music does, as we have Randy Orton and Edge dressed as DX instead. Orton (as HHH) has the big nose and Edge (as Shawn Michaels) is already favoring his back. Edge talks about how this is all they need to do to get people’s interest and sell some merchandise. Orton says the fans suck but here is the real DX to interrupt. Shawn to HHH: “Do I look like that much of an idiot?”

HHH doesn’t get why Edge and Orton are doing this because they are already huge stars. Edge had a highest rated segment on Raw, even if Edge couldn’t really rise to the occasion. And yes they have photos to prove things. Then there is Randy Orton, who is the #1 downloaded superstar on the internet….at least in the gay community. I will now pause for all of the AJ Styles jokes and come back with HHH showing various photos of Orton wearing only a towel.

One of them happens to be Shawn from Playgirl, sending Shawn into a panic. Shawn: “I WAS YOUNG! I WAS STUPID! YOU TOLD ME GIRLS BOUGHT THAT MAGAZINE!” Orton says he wants HHH tonight, but HHH says he go that way. Edge tries to make it more clear and phrases things badly as well. The match is on and the early fight goes to DX as Orton and Edge are cleared out in a hurry. Shawn freaking out is always good for a chuckle.

Spirit Squad vs. Cryme Tyme

Non-title and Cryme Tyme is making their debut. JTG and Johnny start things off with JTG snapping off a hiptoss before handing it off to Shad. The big boot has Johnny in trouble but Mikey comes in for a bulldog on JTG. The chinlock goes on but a suplex is broken up, allowing the hot tag to Shad. Everything breaks down and Shad’s kick to the face gets two on Johnny with Mikey making the save. The Samoan drop/running flip neckbreaker finishes Mikey.

Rating: C. I know the gimmick is not something that would pass today (and probably shouldn’t have back then) but Cryme Tyme has grown a lot on me over the years. They work well together and Shad is a solid big man. Throw in a good finisher and what else could you need from a midcard team? The Spirit Squad is desperate for some new challengers so this is a good time for a debut.

During the break, Kenny yelled at the rest of the team and walked out.

Melina and Johnny Nitro promise a celebrity appearance.

The Marine has premiered. It wasn’t exactly a blockbuster, but it did premiere.

Jonathan Coachman welcomes King Booker and Queen Sharmell as his guests and gives them the run of his office. Cryme Tyme comes in and takes Coach’s food and leaves. Booker didn’t understand a word they said because he doesn’t speak Ebonics. They seem to have stolen Booker’s wallet as well.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and we start fast with Masters knocking Hardy into the corner. Crazy and Benjamin fight on the floor as Masters’ suplex gets two on Hardy. Some shoulders in the corner are broken up and Hardy hammers away until Crazy sends him outside. Shelton comes back in for a Tower of Doom and some near falls to send us to a break.

Back with Masters suplexing Hardy again before slugging it out with Benjamin. Crazy comes back in with a missile dropkick but gets caught in the Masterlock. Benjamin springboards in with a Blockbuster to Masters for the save but Hardy is back in to clean house. A basement dropkick puts Benjamin on the floor and there’s a backdrop to do the same to Crazy. The Twist of Fate into a Swanton finishes Masters to retain Hardy’s title.

Rating: C+. This was all about keeping things moving instead of wasting time on a bunch of stuff that wasn’t needed. That’s the right idea for a four way and Hardy getting the win was the only way to go. None of these three are exactly interesting challengers for Hardy but he needed some momentum after last week’s loss and beating three lame challengers at once will work well enough.

Booker is telling the cops about Cryme Tyme robbing him (they all look alike to him) when Big Show comes in. Bickering ensues but Vince McMahon comes in with an announcement. He’ll wait until the third champion is here though.

Here are Melina and Johnny Nitro to introduce their celebrity friend. It’s….Kevin Federline, best known for being married to Brittney Spears and…..well for looking like an idiot. Federline thanks the two of them but says it isn’t great to be here because the people aren’t treating the three of them with respect. Don’t worry though, because he knows these are the same people buying magazines with his face on them. Melina asks for one of his new raps, but the people can wait until his album comes out.

Cue John Cena, who isn’t happy with the lack of rapping. He’ll handle it instead and calls Federline the world’s biggest scumbag. Federline has less talent than Paris Hilton and apparently likes seamen. Cena says he would be spearing Brittney if Federline wasn’t around and that’s enough to get Federline charging. Cena beats up Nitro but here are Big Show and King Booker to interrupt.

Before anything else can be said or done, here’s Vince McMahon to cut everyone off. Vince hypes up the Cyber Sunday main event and announces that one of them will be defending their title. The fans will get to vote on who defends, and voting is open right now. I could have sworn he announced that last week, but it’s the logical way to go anyway.

Everyone but Cena leaves so he calls Federline back into the ring. Cena knows Federline considers himself a trendsetter so he can tell people who to vote for. Federline wants Cena’s title defended so he can lose, meaning it’s an FU to a nice pop. The Federline stuff is as dated as anything can be, but seeing an annoying quote unquote celebrity get beaten up is fine.

Carlito vs. Rob Conway

Conway hammers away to start but Carlito is back with the left hands and springboard elbow. A missed charge lets Conway get two but the Backstabber gives Carlito the fast pin.

Post match, Carlito gets to spit the apple.

Edge and Lita meet Vince McMahon in the back, with Vince making Edge/Randy Orton vs. DX for Cyber Sunday. As for a stipulation, how about a guest referee? Like say Jonathan Coachman, Eric Bischoff or Vince himself! Vince agrees and we’re on.

This Week In Wrestling History: When Snuka Flies, Muraco Dies.

Two of the guys from Jackass are brought into the ring for a chat but here is Armando Alejandro Estrada, who isn’t impressed. They’re willing to do anything, so here is Umaga so destruction can ensue. Oh man I had forgotten about this thing.

The Marine is still a thing.

Women’s Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Candice Michelle vs. Maria vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria

Bra and panties match and all four have already lost their first round matches. Lilian has to read an introduction that is so long that she needs several cards and even Lawler is mocking her for taking so much time. Maria loses her top, Torrie loses her top, Victoria loses her pants and Maria gets rid of Torrie’s pants to win.

We actually get some brackets:

Melina

Mickie James

Lita

Maria

Smackdown Rebound.

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Shawn Michaels and Edge are here too. HHH does the pre-match intro and includes one more Orton gay joke. Orton jumps HHH from behind to start and pounds away but gets sent outside. We take a break with Orton holding his knee and come back with HHH hitting a knee drop for two. Cue Lita for a distraction so Orton can send HHH over the corner, allowing Edge to get in a DDT on the floor.

A swinging neckbreaker gives Orton two and we hit the neck crank. Orton’s powerslam gets a few near falls but HHH comes back with a bunch of right hands. There’s the jumping knee and the facebuster but an Edge distraction lets Orton get in the backbreaker for two. Lita offers another distraction though and Edge hits HHH low. That’s not enough though as Lita throws in a chair but Shawn hits Orton low for the save. HHH chairs Orton down for the pin.

Rating: C. And that’s how the DX vs. Orton/Edge feud starts: with DX overcoming the odds and winning the first match in the main event of Raw. That isn’t the best sign for the future of the feud and makes Orton/Edge, who are already looking up at DX, look like they’re in trouble to start. One of the biggest problems with DX has been giving them a real challenge and this didn’t make me think they are in any danger. That’s not a good way to start a feud and it isn’t the best look here.

Overall Rating: C+. This show went by quickly and that was a good thing. They introduced some new things such as Cryme Tyme (who instantly felt like the biggest team in the division) and Edge/Orton as the top villains, but the wrestling was often skippable. In other words, this week’s show was about setting the table for the future so while it worked out well enough, it isn’t a show you need to see because it’s an early chapter in a lot of longer stories.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 2, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for a big title match as Raw doesn’t have a pay per view in October. This time around it is going to be the grand finale (for now at least) between Edge and John Cena as Edge is challenging for the Raw World Title inside a cage. Other than that, we are going to be seeing more of DX vs. the McMahons, or at least Jonathan Coachman acting as their surrogate. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is DX to open things up, including a look at the McMahons being destroyed in the Cell during their entrance. HHH hits the catchphrases and shows us a shot of Vince McMahon’s face being put into Big Show’s…..uh, yeah. Before Shawn can tell you what you can do if you’re not down with that, here’s Jonathan Coachman to interrupt. On behalf of the McMahons, it’s time for a Texas Tornado match. Why does it always have to be a Texas tornado match? Why not a Kansas Kollision? Or a Wichita Whirlwind if you want to keep up the theme?

D-Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Charlie Haas/Viscera vs. Highlanders

DX cleans house to start but get caught in the corner by the numbers advantage. Viscera’s big splash hits Haas though and DX hammers away at the monster. A double shoulder takes him down and it’s a facebuster/atomic drop to put Murdoch on the floor. There’s a double DDT to Viscera and Shawn drops the top rope elbow on Haas. The superkick into the Pedigree puts Haas away in a hurry.

Post match Coach freaks out and says we aren’t done tonight because he runs this show. HHH says maybe DX should and chases Coach to the back because they’re in charge tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Jeff starts fast with something close to a Sling Blade and drops the leg between the legs. That’s enough to send Nitro bailing to the floor and Hardy hits a dive off the apron. We come back from a break with Nitro holding a reverse chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back.

Melina screams a lot as Hardy is sent into the post, setting up a backbreaker for two. Nitro cranks on both arms but Hardy pulls himself up and kicks Nitro away for a break. A few more shots to the face put Nitro on the floor with Hardy being right there to dropkick Nitro in the face. The barricade run into the dive takes out Nitro and Melina (for the required ankle injury) and it’s the Swanton to give Hardy the title.

Rating: C+. Not too bad here and it was nice to see Hardy actually get the big win here instead of having him come up short again. Nitro has gotten a nice boost out of the title and should be fine going forward. A rematch wouldn’t surprise me either, especially with Cyber Sunday on the way soon. Hardy winning the title still feels like an important deal and that is how a title change should come across.

We look at Edge cashing in the Money in the Bank briefcase to take the World Title from John Cena for the first time.

DX is outside of Coach’s office but he won’t let them in. Jokes about what Coach is doing in there (it could put his eye out) abound.

Jeff Hardy is happy to win the title, with the interview turning into an ad for Maria appearing on ECW’s Extreme Strip Poker next week. Melina comes in to screech so Jeff puts his hand over her mouth.

Coach is on the phone with Vince McMahon, who tells Coach to do….something. That sends Coach outside into the hallway where he can’t find DX. He walks a little ways but eventually runs into HHH, with Shawn popping up on the other side. We get the Good, The Bad And The Ugly knockoff music until DX throws Coach into the women’s locker room.

HHH is rather pleased as they go in, with Shawn closing his eyes. The women tell Shawn where Coach went so he gives pursuit while HHH stops to flirt with Torrie Wilson, Kelly Kelly and Mickie James. Shawn pulls him back and the chase continues until Coach finds Big Dick Johnson. Then he slips on a wet floor, allowing DX to chase him outside. DX throws him in a trashcan, with a janitor throwing trash on top of him and wheeling it away.

Here’s how John Cena got the title back from Edge at the Royal Rumble.

DX comes up to the Spirit Squad and tells them that there is a new dress code around here (in a Johnny Ace impression). The Squad protests but the power of the sledgehammer makes them change their minds.

Umaga vs. Snitsky

Umaga, who is facing Kane in a Loser Leaves Raw match next week, hits a pop up Samoan drop, the running hip attack in the corner, and the Samoan Spike for the fast pin.

Randy Orton is sick of hearing about Carlito so it’s time for an RKO.

The Marine has action scenes.

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

Orton starts fast and knocks Carlito outside, followed by a whip into the post back inside. Carlito’s legs are fine enough to snap off a hurricanrana but Orton pulls him down by the arm again. That’s broken up so Carlito slugs away and hits the springboard back elbow. A springboard flip dive into a Lionsault gets two but Orton sends him to the apron. Carlito springboards in with a high crossbody but Orton rolls through and grabs the trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Carlito continues to be just there and I don’t particularly care to see him do anything here. He’s not someone I want to cheer for or want to see get his revenge on Orton, because there is nothing to Orton. All he does is make spitting jokes and used to date Trish. Is there anything else to him other than that?

We look at Rob Van Dam winning the Raw World Title from John Cena at One Night Stand, with an assist from Edge.

The Spirit Squad needs more time to change and refuse to come out, so DX threatens to strip them of the Tag Team Titles. HHH then describes them as “gay”.

Cryme Tyme steals a doughnut from a police office and run away.

Nicky vs. Sgt. Slaughter

The Squad are here as cheerleaders in some rather revealing uniforms (Which don’t cover their underwear. I’ll spare you the question of why DX had those.). Nicky misses a right hand, meaning he has to go to the ropes to get out of the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter gets two off a gutbuster but gets sent outside for the group beatdown. Back in and the USA chant goes on, only to be cut off by Nicky’s sleeper. Another Cobra Clutch is broken up and Nicky slaps on the armbar. Cue DX on screen to say that Nicky forgot his (female) underwear, allowing Slaughter to grab the rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was little more than a way to have the Squad get embarrassed by DX and that worked out well enough. It’s not like the Squad has any real capital to lose at this point so having someone like Slaughter, especially under these circumstances, beat him makes any difference. Just get the titles off of them already though because the joke of them losing is getting old.

Here’s how Edge won the title from John Cena and Rob Van Dam on Raw in July.

Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Victoria vs. Mickie James

DX orders them to wear lingerie, which is….pretty much about the same as they usually wear. Victoria hammers away in the corner to start and fires off some knees to the ribs. Mickie’s hurricanrana out of the corner is blocked without much effort but Victoria’s Boston crab is escaped as well. Victoria sends her to the apron so Mickie tries a sunset flip, with Victoria grabbing the ropes for the block. The referee breaks that up so it’s a sunset flip to give Mickie the pin.

Post match, Victoria freaks out.

Commercial for Eric Bischoff’s Controversy Creates Cash book, focusing on him firing people.

Chris Masters is asking Bischoff about the book when DX comes in. Bischoff calls them an NWO rip off, which Shawn deems BLASPHEMY. That’s enough to send Bischoff running, so HHH asks Masters when he’s going to write a book. Masters has been thinking of writing a nutrition book, and HHH even has the title: “How To Lose 50lbs In Four Weeks”. Masters leaves in a hurry. Shawn is still worried about being an NWO rip off but HHH says he who laughs last laughs best. Then they laugh.

Then John Cena won the title back from Edge at Unforgiven.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Edge, with Lita, is challenging in a cage with pinfall, submission or escape to win. Cena has a bad arm coming in but the good arm is fine enough to ram Edge into the cage over and over. A kick to the face rocks Cena though and the bad arm goes into the cage. Cena’s suplex cuts off Edge’s escape attempt and gets two as JR is right there to explain that Edge would have won the title had he won. See how quick and easy it can be?

The FU is countered into the Impaler for two and Edge slaps on a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Cena’s Throwback gets two. Edge pulls him off the cage though and it’s a spear to drive Cena into the steal for a good looking crash. Now it’s Edge going up but Cena catches him with a super bulldog as we take a break. Back with Cena using the good arm for a belly to belly suplex as we cut to some Marines watching from the crowd.

Edge is back up to throw Cena’s bad arm into the cage but Cena is right there again to stop the escape attempt. They sit on top and slug it out with Cena being knocked back in first. Cena pulls him back in as well but Edge gets in a superplex for two. Edge climbs but gets crotched on top, allowing Cena to initiate his finishing sequence. The FU is blocked with a grab of the cage though and Edge sends him head first into the cage again.

Another FU is countered again to give Edge two again so he tries to escape. That’s broken up by Cena, so Lita grabs Edge’s arms as she throws in a chair. The referee ejects Lita but the referee gets bumped. A heck of a chair shot knocks Edge down to set up the STFU but here are Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch to take Cena out. Cue DX to make the save though and Shawn superkicks Murdoch into the door into Edge’s head. The FU retains Cena’s title.

Rating: B. Good stuff here and it felt like the big blowoff to the feud. They needed to wrap the thing up here as it has been going on for about eight months now and there isn’t much else to do. The good thing is that Edge stayed strong in defeat, and now they are ready to move on to something else. Cena needs a fresh challenger and we can get somewhere else soon enough, but for now they had the big finale and it worked out well.

Overall Rating: C+. This was ALL about the main event with the DX shenanigans just filling in time elsewhere. What we got was a nice show built around one match and that worked out fine. They can start things up again next week as the build towards Cyber Sunday can begin, but this was good enough and it’s nice to see them set something up and then pay it off like this.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 25, 2006
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re still starting of the new John Cena Era and that seems to include one last gasp from Edge, but I can’t imagine him sticking around in the main event scene that much longer. You also have to imagine that the McMahons are going to be back sooner rather than later, because that’s how Raw works. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

And the power is out, meaning the commentary intro is in the dark.

Lilian Garcia’s intro can’t be heard and there is no video screen or graphics.

Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Lita vs. Candice Michelle

Lilian’s mic is back up to announce that we’re having a Women’s Title tournament. Lita’s video is at least playing on the screen above the ring. Before the bell, Lita gets a mic and says that thanks to a private meeting with Jonathan Coachman, she gets to pick the guest referee for this match. It’s Edge and, after a rather extensive weapons shirt, he spears Candice to give Lita the pin in about thirty seconds.

Post match (and actually mid match) John Cena runs in for the save as the lights start to come back up a bit.

Back from a break with the power on and Cena talking about Edge sabotaging the lights so he wouldn’t have to face him. Edge and Lita come back out and say that there isn’t going to be a title match tonight. They are going to celebrate, sending Cena into a few jokes about Lita being….yeah I think you get the joke. Cena suggests that various parts of her are as red as the Oklahoma University end zone and says that was for JR (who gives a thumbs up. Lita: “SCREW YOU!” Cena: “I don’t have ten bucks!”

Lita is sick of Cena making fun of her when Cena is the real joke. Edge and Lita are both better wrestlers than him, which Cena says is proof that she has the testicles in the relationship. And yeah, she might be better….if he was blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back (uh oh) and wasn’t afraid of a scorching case of herpes. Edge is ready to fight right now but it’s for Lita, with Cena’s arm tied behind his back.

Footage of the Mexico tour.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Kane jumps him during the rather long entrance and a side slam lets Nitro get the fur coat off. Melina’s distraction lets Nitro hit a chop block but Kane boots him out of the air. Cue Umaga with a chair to Kane’s back for the DQ barely a minute in.

Post match Umaga destroys Kane with the running hip attack and the steps to the head.

Shawn Michaels is readying the WWE Magazine but can’t find any advertisements for DX gear. After the plug is done, Maria comes up to ask DX about their gauntlet match tonight. Maria thinks their catchphrase is NO WAY so HHH offers a demonstration, with Shawn pulling him away. Instead HHH whispers it in her ear before leaving, with Eugene replacing them. Maria whispers the same thing in Eugene’s ear and he faints.

This Week In Wrestling History: Andre the Giant vs. Gorilla Monsoon in a boxing match in Puerto Rico in 1977. Monsoon’s selling of the knockout is great.

Jonathan Coachman talks to Shelton Benjamin about his claims of being held down for being a black man last week. Vince McMahon’s hero is Dr. Martin Luther King! Benjamin: “I’m kind of partial to Michael Jordan myself.” Benjamin asks Coach what he knows about being a black man in this business and says Coach is “whitewashed.”

Jeff Hardy comes up with some of the most stereotypical slang you’ll ever hear (Cryme Tyme would think it was over the top) so Coach makes a match between them tonight. Benjamin: “Thanks, brother.” The two of them leave so Edge and Lita come out of Coach’s office and the Cena vs. Lita match is made. Coach even throws in a No Holds Barred stipulation, but if Edge touches Cena, he loses hit rematch. When did Coach grow a backbone?

Ric Flair vs. Mikey

The rest of the Spirit Squad is here too. Flair takes him down to start without much effort and unloads in the corner. Mikey snaps off a dropkick and slaps Flair in the corner, earning himself various shots to the face and chest. A shot to the knee looks to set up the Figure Four but Flair has to throw Nicky onto the rest of the Squad. Flair punches Mikey down for the pin. Yeah off a right hand.

Rating: D+. This mini feud continues and I’m oddly fine with a right hand beating Mikey. No matter how you look at the them, aside from Kenny, the entire Spirit Squad is a bunch of goons who only succeed at anything because they have a numbers advantage. Losing to a right hand might be a bit much, but I don’t think Mikey getting pinned by Ric Flair is going to end him.

John Cena was on MadTV.

D-Generation X vs. ???/???/???

DX is running a three team gauntlet and dedicate it to Vince McMahon. He isn’t here though, and they have a video on the Cell to explain his absence. The Highlanders are in first and lose in about fifteen seconds to a superkick. Robbie gets Pedigreed for a bonus and it’s Charlie Haas/Viscera as the second team. HHH runs Haas over to start and Shawn comes in to chop away in the corner. It’s off to Viscera, who gets crushed with a sidewalk slam and we take a break.

Back with Haas cranking on Shawn’s arms but he fights up and sends the villains into each other. The hot tag brings in HHH to clean house and a double clothesline drops Viscera. The Pedigree to Haas lays him out and a superkick knocks Viscera onto him for the double pin. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are in as the third team and a cheap shot to Michaels’ back puts him in trouble, allowing Cade to blast him with a clothesline. Everything breaks down in a hurry with DX being sent into various hard objects. Cade grabs a chair to knock Shawn down for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The longest match we saw was the middle portion, which was cut in half by the break. I’m not sure how this was supposed to be anything more than a workout for DX, but at least they didn’t treat it as anything else. This felt more like DX needing a reason to be on the show and until a new team is built up, that’s about as all as you can do with them.

Post match HHH grabs his own chair to clear the ring.

In two weeks: Family Reunion, a three hour special. Oh…yay.

Cryme Tyme robs a guy near an ATM.

Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton knocks him down to start and then does it again for a bonus. A running forearm puts Shelton down for a change but he’s back with right hands and a bit one knocks Hardy into the barricade. Back in the chinlock goes on until hardy jawbreaks his way to freedom. The Whisper in the Wind connects but Shelton jumps up to the top, only to get shoved down for the Swanton. Shelton gets a boot on the rope and grabs the rope to block the Twist of Fate. That’s fine with Jeff, who small packages him for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. I have no idea what WWE is doing with these two and the segment with Hardy earlier was a little more than uncomfortable. At the same time, Shelton finding another way to lose is never a good thing despite how many times WWE has done it. I’ve given up on the false hope of him doing anything important anytime soon, but the racial stuff could get rather bad in a hurry.

John Cena has a wife in the Marina.

Carlito/Super Crazy vs. Randy Orton/Chris Masters

Carlito takes Masters down for an early near fall and it’s off to Crazy, who is powerbombed down in a hurry. Orton comes in and slaps on a chinlock, which is broken up in a hurry for the hot tag off to Carlito. House is cleaned and everything breaks down but Masters avoids Crazy’s moonsault. With Crazy sent outside, Masters tries the Masterlock on Carlito but gets reversed into the Backstabber for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to this one but it gives Carlito a quick boost to help him up after the Unforgiven loss. There are only so many things that you can do when the match was so definitive but at least they’re trying. The Super Crazy push is still a little odd, though at least they’re trying something new and that’s not a terrible idea.

Post match Orton catches Carlito with the RKO to leave him laying.

Here’s Jonathan Coachman for a chat and he has a surprise: Eric Bischoff of all people, who has not been here since he was fired last year. Bischoff is happy to be back and while he isn’t thrilled with being fired, he has written a book called Controversy Creates Cash. He’s telling the truth in the book, including the fact that Raw would not exist in this form without him and there would be no DX without the NWO. And then the music plays him off because that’s a little too far.

John Cena vs. Lita

Non-title, Cena’s arm is tied behind his back and Edge is here but can’t touch Cena. Lita pokes him in the eye and gets low blowed but the FU finishes her in less than a minute.

Post match here are King Booker, Finlay and William Regal from Smackdown (where Cena will be appearing in a six man tag later this week) for the big beatdown. Finlay gets in some Shillelagh shots and Booker takes off his boot because it’s time for Cena kiss the feet. JR: “WHEN DID BOOKER GET AN ENGLISH ACCENT???” Booker sits on the ropes as the beatdown knocks Cena out and his face is put onto Booker’s bare foot. Booker twirls in the robe before leaving, so Edge grabs a mic. The rematch for the title is next week and it’s inside a cage.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird show as there was one match which broke five minutes and it was a three fall gauntlet match. I’m not sure if they were a little spent after the international tour or whatever else but I did like the show flew by with a lot of things getting some time. Granted not everything needed to get time (like that Hardy/Shelton segment) but I did like the structure they were going with here. It wouldn’t work every week, though it worked rather well for a one off change.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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