Monday Night Raw
Date: February 14, 2011
Location: Honda Center, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
Guest Star: Ariel Winter

The main story tonight is that we’re finding out the guest host of Wrestlemania tonight.  I’ve heard various possibilities, some of which are good and some of which are horrible.  It’s also the final push towards the PPV this Sunday which is more or less set in stone.  We may have an issue with the title match being pushed tonight as Lawler’s mother passed away earlier today so there’s no way to know if he’ll be here or on his game tonight.  That’s not a criticism mind you, merely an observation.  Let’s get to it.

We open in the arena with Cole welcoming us and talking about the guest host tonight.  No Lawler as it’s Matthews in there instead.

Orton vs. Sheamus, Morrison vs. Truth and Cena vs. Punk tonight with the last of those starting RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. CM Punk

There must be a winner to this.  During Cena’s entrance we see a clip from last week where Lawler slipped Cena a chair to keep Cena from getting destroyed.  Cena gets on the mic and thanks Lawler for helping him out last week.  He talks about how it’s Valentine’s Day and how nothing says I love you like a pair of tickets to WWE.  During this part there’s a Rocky chant.  Love isn’t the only thing in the air.  WRESTLEMANIA is in the air!

Cena talks about the guest host could be, throwing out names like Sammi from Jersey Shore, Lady Gaga and Michael Cole.  Using the clues that Vince gave last week, he proves that Cole is in a love triangle with Miz and Riley and that Michael Cole may not be a man.  More importantly though, this Sunday is the Elimination Chamber and after the year Cena has had, he needs this Wrestlemania moment.  He dealt with a group of radicals all year called the Nexus, but Sunday there’s only one member to deal with.

Cue Punk with a mic of his own.  Punk says that the record in Gray’s Sports Almanac (Love those movies) it says that the last two times they’ve fought Punk has won.  Punk says he’s a good person unlike Cena and the bell rings.  If anyone gets involved in this they’re out of the Chamber match.  Cena hits the post shoulder first and hits the floor.  Punk takes him down with a flying clothesline as we take a break.

Back with Punk getting a two count off a big kick.  If Nexus gets involved, Punk is out of the Chamber.  Punk works the arm but Cena hits an armdrag to get free.  Body scissors by Punk takes more energy out of Cena.  Cena’s shorts are a bit shorter tonight and are above the knees.  Cena fights back and gets the Protoplex and 5 Knuckle Shuffle but can’t hit the FU.

Punk takes him down with a leg lariat and we get a headscissors.  Cena is like man please and just stands up.  Back to their feet and Cena hits a gutwrench suplex for two.  Cena goes up for the top rope Fameasser but Punk makes the stop.  Corner knee hits but the bulldog is reversed into a failed STF attempt.  Swinging neckbreaker by Punk sets up the GTS which can’t connect.

CM goes up and tries a cross body but Cena rolls through into the FU.  Punk gets to the ropes though and hits the floor.  A Nexus clad arm sticks out from under the ring and hands Punk a chair.  Punk slides it into the ring and the referee goes to get it.  The arm comes out again with a wrench.  Punk drills Cena with it and the GTS ends it at 10:36.

Rating: B. Good match here especially for free TV.  The ending was a nice little touch with the two weapons being handed in.  Cena losing is good as it builds Punk up even more also.  This was one of the better TV matches I’ve seen in a good while and a great way to start Raw.  I love February Sweeps because we get stuff like this.

The announcers say that Lawler isn’t here due to the death of his mother but that he’ll be at the PPV.

We’re waiting on the guest host as we take a break.

Friday is the 600^th Smackdown.

Here’s Alberto but you already know the joke that most people make when saying his name so I’ll spare you.  He talks about destiny and Mania and all that jazz.  Cue Edge to a nice ovation.  He says that he’s been so busy fighting Ziggler that he almost forgot about Alberto hitting him with a guitar two weeks ago.  Edge says he also has a destiny and takes down Alberto.  He sets for the spear but Ricardo saves.  Alberto goes to the apron but gets speared off.

Cue Vickie who says that Sunday there will be the world title match in the Chamber but she’s here to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion, Dolph Ziggler.  We see a clip of the illegal spear from Friday.  This week on Smackdown we’re going to have the official coronation of Ziggler as the new champion.  Edge is apparently stripped of the title and Vickie also has proof that Edge assaulted Teddy.  The segment just kind of ends with Vickie laughing.  So he’s not champion anymore?

Divas Title up next.

Another 2-21-11 promo with the song and a shot of someone’s chest.  Well it’s certainly not Trish Stratus.

Miz vs. Bryan tonight.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Eve Torres

This is a lumberjill match and Natalya is in the ring when we start.  Eve grabs a headlock to start which results in a standoff with both trying dropkicks.  They slaps hands and go to the mat.  Surfboard by Natalya which is always awesome looking.  Even counters and is sitting on Natalya’s legs.  This is more of a gymnastics routine than a match but it’s fun.

Josh mentions that Natalya was voted as the dream Diva Valentine’s Day date which Cole makes fun of.  Natalya is sent to the floor and the Divas beat the heck out of her.  As retaliation Eve dives on them to take out nearly all of them at once.  Back in Natalya tries a cradle but Eve rolls back onto it for the pin to retain at 3:40.

Rating: C. I liked it.  Eve looked good out there from a wrestling standpoint and looked like she could actually hang with the “wrestling” Divas instead of just being one of the eye candy ones.  This was a pretty decent little match and ended with a wrestling move which is always a good thing.  Fun match and short enough to not get bad.

Back from a break with the Bellas getting on Eve for no apparent reason.  A brawl breaks out with Natalya trying to save.  Gail jumps in there as well and referees break it up.

Cole: “If the Divas keep this up they’re going to need chaperones.”  Oh you know what’s coming.  Also there’s a guest star tonight: Ariel Winter, apparently HHH’s costar.

Mark Henry comes down for a match but Sheamus jumps him during his entrance and beats the tar out of him.  Sheamus grabs a mic and says that’s a preview of what he’ll do in the Chamber.

Miz vs. Bryan up next.

We get a clip of the tag match from last week where Bryan and Miz got into it some.

The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan

Riley is on commentary here.  Crowd is into Bryan and we get a chant for him.  Miz takes him down with a shoulder block to start.  Josh makes a Grammys reference of all things.  Bryan grabs the arm which gets him nowhere but a dropkick does.  Miz takes Bryan down with a big boot.  For some reason we keep cutting to shorts of the commentators.  Off to a reverse chinlock by Miz.

Bryan escapes and grabs a rear naked choke but Miz grabs the ropes.  Another back elbow by Miz gets two.  Another chinlock now but the crowd is staying in this which is a good sign.  Bryan gets a corner dropkick for two.  They slug it out a bit and Miz is knocked to the floor.  Running knee from the apron sends Miz through the barricade in front of the time keeper’s area.

Back in the ring and a top rope dropkick gets two.  Good match here so far.  LeBell Lock almost goes on but Miz knocks him to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Miz hammering away in the corner but not being able to hit a suplerplex.  Instead Bryan gets a sunset bomb for a close two.  We see a replay of the neckbreaker to the floor just before the break and I didn’t realize how sick it was.

Bryan unleashes the kicks and Miz counters into a rollup for two.  Another gets two.  Miz tries a reverse DDT into a neckbreaker but gets countered into a German.  BIG kick to the head of the world champion gets two and a huge reaction from the crowd.  LeBell Lock can’t get hooked so Bryan tries a victory roll.  Miz drops him forward and then the Skull Crushing Finale ends it at 12:40.

Rating: B+. This was an awesome match where Miz got pushed and Bryan looked great.  This was exactly what Miz needs: a dominant win where most importantly he won clean.  Bryan just took the world champion to the limit and the whole thing worked very well.  Good match and the second good one tonight which is a great thing to see.

Miz gets on the mic and says that Lawler isn’t here tonight because his mother passed away.  He hopes that Lawler doesn’t use this as an excuse at the PPV.  Nice heel heat there and the catchphrase takes us to a break.

Michael McGillicutty/David Otunga vs. John Morrison/R-Truth

Cole says he’ll explain this came about in a bit.  Morrison has a BIG black eye.  Oh that’s from the kick last week.  During the break the GM made this match due to what happened last week.  Well if that’s the case why did he make the singles match into the first place?  It was supposed to be Morrison vs. Truth remember?  McGillicutty vs. Truth to start us off and Truth is in trouble.

Off to Otunga and he’s still in trouble.  Matthews thinks McGillicutty handed Punk the wrench earlier.  Morrison comes in and is all angry and aggressive.  I kind of like it actually.  He’s beating the heck out of both guys and kicks McGillicutty in the ribs.  Truth dives out to take out Otunga so Morrison can hit the running knee to end McGillicutty at 3:19.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the best part of it was the beating by Morrison.  Having Morrison get all ticked off and wanting to hurt Punk is something very good to see.  He needs some emotion in his character and this is a good place to start.  He could be a star with a few minor tweaks and this would work fine.  Fun match.

Truth and Morrison chase off Ryan when he tries to attack them.

There’s a plug for Jericho’s new book.

The chick from Chaperone and Modern Family is here as the guest star.  She introduces the Khali Kiss Cam.  She’s a kid mind you and dances to Khali’s music.  Khali’s belly button is above her shoulders.  The Kiss Cam tonight is of people in the audience.  Santino kisses Tamina and Vickie kisses Dolph.  Apparently they’re in the audience?  Maryse won’t kiss Ted so she kisses Yoshi Tatsu.  Ryder gets kissed on the cheek by Regal in the moment of the night.  Horny pops up with a box of candy for her and gets a kiss on the cheek.  To all the people that says this is stupid, lighten up.  This was like 2 minutes long and harmless.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

Orton is introduced as the Viper now.  Randy takes him down into the corner and gets a Thesz Press with punches.  Here’s the stomp and knee drop which misses.  Naturally we spend the whole match talking about the Chamber.  Sheamus takes over with his power stuff and gets the slingshot shoulder block for two.  Orton tries to fight back but runs into a boot in the corner.

Apparently that doesn’t hurt as he hits some of his basic stuff.  Orton charges ahead but gets caught in the Irish Curse backbreaker for two.  Middle rope suplex puts Orton down but Sheamus can’t capitalize.  Sheamus comes at him but walks into the RKO for the finish at 5:07.  Punk and Nexus comes out for a beatdown but the other Chamber guys make the save and beat up Nexus.

Rating: C-. Just a match here as the big ending is clearly the guest host.  These two are more or less incapable of having a good match so keeping it short is probably the best possible thing they can do.  Not bad and the ending works with the RKO, but not enough time and nothing entertaining at all really.

A long limo pulls up and we see a woman’s feet.  Naturally the camera stays on the feet as we take a break.

Back and the host is……causing electrical noises in the arena.  There go the lights.  They’re going out all over the arena.  There goes the Tron and the Elimination Chamber sign.  Vince isn’t advertising a PPV?  This MUST be huge.  A light comes on the screen and it’s…….THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!  I’m stunned at this.  He looks like he’s in great shape.  To put it mildly, the place erupted.

After seven long years……FINALLY, The Rock has come back to Anaheim, to Raw, and Home.  When he had the mic up you could see his hand shaking.  He has many nicknames, but tonight he’s Dwayne.  It’s been a long time since he’s been here and it’s not because of money or to promote a movie but because of the fans.  The fans helped him accomplish his goals and dreams.  He wants to thank the fans and tell them he loves them and because of them he’s back in the ring and he’s never ever going away.

He says he called Vince and Vince said he needed a host that was electrifying.  He needed someone that would get the people talking.  He needed a host that would ignite things and that would be Justin Bieber.  Justin is cool, but only the Rock could be the host of Mania.  He hasn’t lost a step on the mic at all.  At the drop of a dime he’ll lay the smack down at Wrestlemania, but the question is to who.

Could it be Miz?  He says he’s heard Miz is awesome.  Rock isn’t a scientist but if you’re always saying you’re awesome it means you absolutely suck.  Rock says there is one man he’s going to see at Mania, but there’s an E-Mail before he gets to say it.  Rock isn’t pleased.  He cuts Cole off before he can answer, asking if Cole thinks anyone cares what the GM has to say.

Rock: “Michael Cole, is that what you think?”  Cole: “Well…”  Rock: “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!  You sit down at that table and know your role and shut your mouth!”  He says if Cole doesn’t then Rock will have some special Facebook pictures tonight of him taking that computer, shining it up real nice and putting it straight up Michael Cole’s candy face.  Now sit down because you look like a drunk hobbit.

Anyway there is one man that Rock has to see face to face.  Rock has met him before and thinks he’s a cool guy.  When Rock left this guy came in and started talking trash about the Rock.  His name is JOHN CENA.  WWE has gone from Austin 3:16 to Can Your Smell What the Rock is Cooking to….You Can’t See Me?  He does the hand motion and asks if he’s playing peek-a-boo.  A blindfolded Stevie Wonder in a basement can see you.

Everyone can see Cena.  He runs around here in colored shirts looking like a bright bowl of Fruity Pebbles.  Rock has swore about 15 times in 10 minutes.  He’ll see Cena at Wrestlemania.  He’ll also see Miz and everyone else at Mania.  Rock guaran-darn-tees three things for Mania.  He’ll show the world he’s the most electrifying man in entertainment.  At the drop of a dime he’ll lay the Smacketh Down on all of them.  Finally, the Rock and the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of Rock’s fans will electrify Wrestlemania….IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!!!

Wow.  I have no idea what else to say.  This was one of the best moments I have ever seen and the idea of Cena vs. Rock in any form or fashion, even talking, is breathtaking.

Massive posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This was a great show overall with two good matches, a funny comedy bit and of course the huge announcement being the thing that tied things up throughout the show.  I’m very excited about the PPV now which is exactly the point of the show.  This was a great Raw and certainly one of their better ones in awhile.  See what happens when you have good wrestling matches?  I had it at an A- until Rock came out.  Go ahead and whine.  THE ROCK IS BACK.

Results

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Eve Torres b. Natalya – Torres reversed a Natalya cradle into a pin

The Miz b. Daniel Bryan – Skull Crushing Finale

R-Truth/John Morrison b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty – Running knee smash to McGillicutty

Randy Orton b. Sheamus – RKO

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 7, 2011
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We continue on the Road to Wrestlemania in what I’d assume will be a plot advancing show which is ok.  The Chamber is in less than two weeks so there isn’t much to say as far as adding new stuff goes.  Bear in mind that I’ve seen part of this show last night but am reviewing it on Tuesday/Wednesday, so if there are some odd things said it’s because I know what’s coming.  Sorry about that.  Let’s get to it.

Nickelback opens us up.

Here’s Vince, and according to Cole it’s the first time we’ve seen him in almost a year.  Where do I begin?

1. He wrestled at Wrestlemania on March 28, 2010.  We’ll call that 11 months when it’s really more like 10 and a half.

2. He was there for Nexus.  Nexus began on June 1 and attacked Vince on June 22.  We’ll go very conservative again and call that June 7.  That means we have eight months.

3. He was on the November 1 episode of Raw, which may be a stretch as he was in a coma/dream sequence.  Still though, he was there.  That would be three months

In other words, at minimum it was three months and at most it was eight months.  That means it’s closer to half a year than a year, but who cares about things like time right?

Vince starts talking about Wrestlemania and how after the Super Bowl is over, it’s time for Wrestlemania.  Apparently next week we’re going to meet the host of Wrestlemania who has set a record or a streak of some sort.  I’m kind of intrigued but it better not be Justin Bieber.

Anyway as Vince is about to leave, here’s Randy Orton.  We get a clip of him punting Harris last week and running from Nexus and their beatdown.  Orton wants to talk about Punk and how after last week they’re not even.  Before Orton gets going though here’s Punk.  Punk sits down on the stage and says that of course it isn’t over.  He asks if Orton wants to know why he cost “Randall” the title at the Rumble.

Punk shows a clip from Unforgiven 2008 with Punk as World Heavyweight Champion and Orton getting in his face and calling Punk a fluke.  Legacy jumped him and Orton punted him in the head, which made Punk have to forfeit the title due to an injury.  Yes, THIS IS CONTINUITY!  They did something back then and now we’re going to get revenge as a result of it.  That is huge as something is happening and there’s a reason for it.  That doesn’t happen anymore, which is a huge thing.

Punk says that he’s been patient but now wants his revenge.  As long as they’re on the same show, Orton will never be world champion again.  He isn’t waiting for Elimination Chamber but is going to eliminate Orton right now.  Instead of running like someone intelligent, Orton stands in the ring and gets beaten down.

After a little bit Punk starts talking and Orton breaks free for a bit but is eventually tied in the ropes.  Cena chant starts up but Orton is all alone.  Punk yells at him a lot but Orton gets a headbutt and kick in.  The kick hits Punk in the face and breaks his nose legit.  There’s blood coming out of it and it’s swollen badly.  If it’s not broken it’s bruised badly.  The Nexus puts Orton on Punk’s shoulders for the GTS to end the segment.

Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth

This was set up by an E-Mail during the break.  Apparently all members of Nexus will face people in the Chamber, finishing with Punk vs. Cena in the main event.  This is Ryan’s in ring debut in WWE.  Truth’s song is freaking catchy to say the least.  And now we get the important part of the night.  “GREEN BAY WISCONSIN!  WHAT’S UP???”  Cole: Truth we’re in Milwaukee!  This would become the running joke for the night.

The fans totally turn on Truth, booing the heck out of him and chanting MILWAUKEE.  Truth is clearly shaken here, messing up his sunset flip out of the corner as well as the spinning forearm.  It’s understandable as he hasn’t been a heel in years.  Truth may have hurt his knee on the missed forearm.  Ryan slams him into the ropes three times and then locks on a Brock Lock (Ryan bends Truth’s leg around Ryan’s head) for the submission at 2:23.

Post match Ryan gets a chair but the referee grabs it away.  With another Milwaukee chant going, the hold goes on again and the decision is reversed.  This would be stupid based on the fact that Vickie said a referee’s decision can’t be reversed but whatever.

The Did You Know says more people attended live events last year than the Super Bowl, Stanley Cup Finals, NBA Finals and X Games combined.  You mean having like 400 shows a year was enough to pass all those others?  REALLY???

Back from a break Punk congratulates Ryan on hurting Truth.  Later tonight it’s McGillicutty vs. Morrison and Otunga vs. Sheamus.

Eve Torres/Tamina/Gail Kim vs. Bella Twins/Melina

The Bellas and Eve look great here.  Even Gail looks kind of good.  Natalya is on commentary for this and has a shot at Eve next week.  Gail tries to fight both Bellas which fails pretty badly.  Off to Melina now as this isn’t anything special at all.  Here’s Eve as Natalya and Cole get into an argument.  Standing moonsault gets two on Melina.  Everything breaks down and a spinning neckbreaker (Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for you technical people out there) ends Melina at 2:22.  This was pretty worthless.

2-21-11 promo, this time with the Johnny Cash song Ain’t No Grave Can Hold My Body Down.

We talk about Aaron Rodgers having the title belt on his shoulder during the celebration.  Allegedly Ric Flair gave him that but I’m not sure how much I buy that at all.

Video about the Chamber match.

John Morrison vs. Michael McGillicutty

McGillicutty takes him down early to start us off.  To say the crowd is dead for the early parts here is an understatement to say the least.  McGillicutty goes after the arm and tries to slam Morrison’s hand into the post by crushing it with the steps.  The dropkick to the steps misses though and here comes John.  Flash Kick sets up the Starship Pain to end it at 2:30.  Great looking moonsault there.

As Morrison is leaving, Punk is waiting on him with some kind of spray that goes into Morrison’s eyes.  Punk also kicks him in the head.  Medics check him as we go to a break.

After a break here’s Miz in wrestling gear.  He says that last week he was pulling for Lawler and asks him to get in the ring.  Miz says it wasn’t because he thought Lawler would be the easiest targets because they’re all easy wins for the Miz.  Lawler used to be a loudmouth and everyone would listen to Jerry.  Miz says he patterned his career after Lawler and is a modern day Jerry Lawler.  I’d say Roddy Piper but that’s just me.

Now it’s him on talk shows and now it’s him that people want to watch.  He’s also WWE Champion which Lawler has ever been.  Jerry says they’re not mirror images because he’s an original.  Miz shows us a clip from last week where Jerry punched DiBiase which looked great.  Miz says that was a sucker punch so Lawler says Miz is a sucker and sucks too.  Wow that was bad.

Lawler says he’s never competed at Wrestlemania or been WWE Champion.  He says no one knows what it means to do either of those things.  Lawler is going to win the title and go to Wrestlemania.  Miz goes for his catchphrase but Lawler cuts him off by saying awful and there’s your chant.  The fight is on and Lawler puts Riley down.  Cue DiBiase for the save and Bryan for the second save.  The GM makes the obvious match.

Daniel Bryan/Jerry Lawler vs. Ted DiBiase/The Miz

Riley is on commentary with Cole here.  Bryan vs. DiBiase to start.  Who would have believed say two years ago that on Raw we would be seeing the number one contender Jerry Lawler teaming with Bryan Danielson facing Ted DiBiase and the WWE Champion the Miz?  Think about that for a minute.  Miz sends King to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Miz holding a chinlock on Lawler but there’s a quick tag to Bryan.  If I hadn’t been looking at the monitor I wouldn’t have known it as the reaction more or less didn’t exist.  Running clothesline in the corner to Bryan gets two for Miz.  Off to Lawler (small pop) and DiBiase who is in trouble early.  DDT gets two for Lawler.  Everything breaks down as Miz is taken out by Bryan.  The middle rope punch ends DiBiase at 9:05.  Lawler wins again.

Rating: C-. See, here’s the thing with Lawler: he doesn’t look terrible.  Yes he’s over sixty years old, but at the same time he looked decent.  He’s in great shape considering his age and can get by with the same basic moves he has for years.  It’s the Rocky story and it’s going to end in him losing at the PPV which is fine.  There’s nothing wrong with this story despite what various internet “geniuses” would have you think.

Sheamus vs. David Otunga

Holy squash Batman!  As Sheamus is on the way to the ring Josh interrupts him and asks his opinion on Mark Henry’s comments.  Sheamus hasn’t heard them but apparently Henry says that Sheamus should be out of the Chamber and Henry should be in.  Sheamus says Henry hasn’t done anything in 14 years and should only be in if it’s a cake eating contest.

Otunga comes out but here’s Henry instead.  The brawl is on with Otunga only trying to get in once and getting drilled.  A pair of World’s Strongest Slams ends Sheamus as I guess there’s no match.  Otunga stands over the fallen Sheamus but here’s…..Alberto?  Well he had to be here at some point I suppose.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella

This should be short but likely won’t be.  After a break and before Santino’s entrance, Alberto says it was his destiny and all that jazz.  Santino throws Alberto over the top in a funny bit.  Was there ever a bell?  If there was I didn’t hear it.  Santino chant is the loudest of the night so far which I’m not sure how to take.  There’s the bell.  Kozlov isn’t here due to the beating he got from Corre the other night.

Santino sends him over the top again and talks some trash.  Back in and Alberto of course takes over as he’s supposed to.  He sends Santino into the post and the arm work is on.  Running enziguri in the corner misses but the Cobra misses.  Del Rio gets a Codebreaker to the arm and seconds later the Armbreaker ends it at about 2:59.  Just an extended squash with some minor comedy thrown in so no rating.

We recap the Nexus taking out the Chamber competitors so far tonight.

Here are Vickie and Dolph for no apparent reason other than we’re talking about Smackdown.  She says exactly what you would expect her to say until Cena’s music cuts her off.  He references Christina Aguliera butchering the national anthem at the Super Bowl.  He also apologizes for R-Truth, saying that Truth celebrated a bit too much because we’re in Milwaukee.

Cole morphs into the anti-Cena fan, saying it’s the same stuff every time.  Cena starts talking about the last time they were in a ring and Cena kissed Vickie.  Vickie and Dolph threaten to leave if the fans boo and Cena says you heard them, prompting huge heat.  He starts up a GO PACK GO chant, which is a local favorite and is enough to get them to go.

Cena talks about what Nexus has been up to tonight and gets another jab at Truth.  “They beat Truth up so badly that he forgot what city he’s in.”  The flaw in Nexus’ plan though is that Cena is still here.  He starts using the phrase Elimination Chamber instead of PPV.  There’s something awesome about people saying what they’re planning and seeing the Mania sign over their shoulders.  That’s always cool to see.

Another 2-21-11 ad, the same as before.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Cena keeps looking at the entrance during Punk’s entrance.  Nice little touch there.  Punk hammers him into the corner to start as he controls early.  All Punk so far.  A charge in the corner misses though as this crowd is pathetic.  Cena can’t get momentum going though as he has to keep looking for Nexus.  Out to the floor with Punk landing a clothesline from the apron to keep control.

Back in the ring and it’s the knee and clothesline out of the corner to put Cena down.  The crowd is DEAD.  Punk says Cena can’t see him.  GTS is countered.  You can see some stuffing in Punk’s nose.  Cena pounds him down in the corner and the referee says he’ll disqualify Cena if he keeps that up.  Cena shrugs and drills Punk low for the DQ at about 5:00.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t very good, but they had a nice little thing going with Cena constantly being afraid.  Also the low blow was smart as he knew as soon as the match was over the troops would be on their way so he took out the leader.  There’s thinking there which gives this some points.  However, the match was boring and just a bridge to the ending, which isn’t good.

Post match Nexus of course comes out with Ryan guarding Punk.  McGillicutty and Otunga corner Cena but Lawler hands Cena a chair and house is cleaned.  Cena stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t that impressed here.  The matches flew by and not much was going on at all.  They more or less burned this show off instead of going for something new for the Chamber.  That’s fine, but the problem is that it gets a bit boring.  There was nothing going on here for the most part though other than Punk trying to take out his opponents.  It’s not horrible, but I didn’t get excited once throughout the show, which isn’t a good thing.  Pretty weak show but not awful at all.

Results

R-Truth b. Mason Ryan via DQ when Ryan wouldn’t let go of his hold and the initial decision was reversed

Eve Torres/Tamina/Gail Kim b. Bella Twins/Melina – Spinning neckbreaker to Melina

John Morrison b. Michael McGillicutty – Starship Pain

Daniel Bryan/Jerry Lawler b. The Miz/Ted DiBiase – Second Rope Punch to DiBiase

Alberto Del Rio b. Santino Marella – Cross Armbreaker

CM Punk b. John Cena via DQ when Cena hit Punk low

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jim Ross

You think that’s enough commentators??? Anyway, this is kind of a forgotten show other than the ending, which to be fair was completely awesome and shocking to say the least. Cena is out with an injury here and likely is going to miss everything until Mania, which sucks but that’s the way it goes. I was just starting to get into WZ around this time so that should give you an idea of what was going on back then.

Anyway, other than that we have Edge vs. Rey and Orton vs. Jeff Hardy, as he begins his year long quest for the title that truly was awesome on a lot of levels. The Rumble and the fact that this is in MSG of course are the reasons to watch the show, so let’s get to it.

The intro is as standard as you could possibly imagine, with the guys getting on a New York subway and then all of the Rumbles being mentioned, especially the big ones. Except for 04 because Benoit doesn’t exist.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

This is a career threatening match, as Flair’s next loss would be his last. This means that it’s about as obvious as the fact that Becca has balloons under her shirt that Flair isn’t losing here. Since we’re in MSG tonight, we have the altered entrance ramp. Also, we have an annoying theme as with every time the name of a guy is shown on screen, it looks like a subway going down the tracks, complete with loud sound effects.

Because you know, that’s what I need over Flair’s music: train sounds. Flair says it’s an honor to wrestle many times in MSG and that he debuted here 32 years ago. That’s just freaking scary. MVP’s music cuts him off. He’s US Champion here. Fans are clearly all over MVP. The age difference here is insane. Flair’s chops are always great for some reason. It makes me smile watching him for some reason.

To put Flair in perspective, when he first won the US Title, MVP was four years old. Flair had debuted before MVP was ALIVE. Think about that. MVP is 37 years old and 35 here, and Flair has been wrestling since before that. That’s insane. MVP actually busts out a crossface chickenwing as I’m happy already. Flair goes for the legs, which if nothing else is the one thing he’s never changed over the years.

MVP gets the Drive By and the easy pin. Wait what? Yeah he got the three, but Flair’s feet were on the ropes. You could hear the crowd just go silent in a split second which was awesome. Flair goes for a quick rollup but gets two. It amazes me that a man in his 60s has this kind of charisma.

It really is impressive. Flair counters the Playmaker into the figure four for the tap out. That’s the thing here: Flair beat MVP clean, which makes MVP, a champion, look weak. That’s not good at all, but I get that Flair’s career ending is FAR bigger than his title reign.

Rating: B-. This was a fine match but like I said I don’t like the booking here. A DQ or count out would have been fine, not a clean submission though. This was really a basic match but it worked fine. It’s nice to see someone get a clean win for once after a decent back and forth match. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS ONE THOUGH? Ok so I shouldn’t be that mad, but it’s still annoying.

Vince and Horny are in the back where Vince is explaining the history their family has at MSG. He says Horny has to win as Finlay comes in. Horny gets really excited. Back up an erase that. It’s fairly obvious where this was going.

Chris Jericho vs. JBL

JBL had cost Jericho the title at Armageddon because Jericho had bumped into him. That started the feud that led to this. It included an instance where JBL more or less tried to lynch Jericho and hurt his neck and throat badly meaning Jericho couldn’t talk for awhile. This is clearly a long time ago as Jericho has only won the IC Title seven times here. JBL is freshly out of his short retirement where he was a commentator.

Jericho looks odd as heck with the long tights now which is weird as he wore those for the majority of his career. JBL had called out Jericho’s kids and said their dad was a coward to make this personal. Jericho keeps spearing JBL but the punches he throws are pathetic. Jericho works on the back which makes sense here as JBL retired earlier because of a bad back. After a brief skirmish on the floor we go back in and JBL hits the best looking Hot Shot that I’ve ever seen.

JBL has lost a lot of weight at this point and looks a lot better. The fans are rapidly getting on him though. Jericho hits the post on the floor and he’s bleeding but not terribly. This match isn’t that good. It’s like they’re trying to find a story out there and it’s just not working at all.

We’re back on the floor again and Jericho is in control now. As JBL tries to set up a table, Jericho just blasts the tar out of him with a chair to get the DQ. That was an awesome shot. Jericho pulls out a rope and gets back at JBL for trying to hang him. Bradshaw is down for awhile after it. The beating got a great reaction for Jericho though.

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t very good at all and it was a mess most of the time. I get the part about trying to beat up JBL from Jericho’s point of view, but this was just all over the place and didn’t work well period. The ending made a lot of sense as Jericho didn’t care about the win but just hurting JBL, so I’m fine with that, but this just wasn’t very good at all.

Ashley, who is in need of a cheeseburger or something like that is looking for Maria but Santino cuts her off and says she’s not doing Playboy. Yeah she is.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Edge

Rey got this shot just by winning a Beat the Clock challenge. I’m really getting tired of people getting shots over things like qualifying matches. There are no personal feuds anymore. Orton vs. HHH got close I suppose but Orton had the title match anyway. Edge is with Vickie here and oddly enough comes out first. This was around the time when there was an attempt at having a stable called La Familia and it just failed completely.

Nothing came of it and it bombed completely. Granted that could be because it was Edge, Hawkins and Ryder, Chavo and Bam Neely with Vickie Guerrero. That’s not exactly Flair, Blanchard and the Andersons. Heck that’s not Flair, Windham, Anderson and Roma. Rey is seen just standing there waiting on his entrance which hurts things a lot. Rey’s mask looks like that of a Trojan. Where does he find these things at?

His Mania masks and outfits could work wonders as a drug education program. “Kids, do drugs and you might wind up as a short Mexican wrestler with tattoos who dresses up like the Joker.” The idea of X hearing that as a kid would explain so much. The roles are messed up here as Rey is booed out of the building and Edge gets a great pop. We hear Edge’s very impressive resume to start us off. Rey botches the heck out of rana and gets booed out of the building again as a result.

Oh man the heat on Rey is great. Actually isn’t that bad? I’m not sure. The referee catches Hawkins and Ryder about to cheat and throws them out. If nothing else Ryder can go and listen to his radio. He needs an education on how to be a lackey so maybe it taught him everything it knows. It’s 315am and I’m tired. Give me a break.

Rey’s leg is hurt. It’s so weird to hear these references to recent events and hear things that you remember. This was almost two years ago. That blows my mind. Edge starts working the knee which again makes sense here so you can’t argue that at least. The referee is good here as he checks on Rey a lot but never gets in the way. That’s a nice little touch in there.

Rey’s quick stuff is just completely insane. Also he’s selling quite well here so I’m rather pleased with him here. In a nice touch, Rey kicks Edge in the face but uses his good leg. That’s very smart as he has enough to stand on the bad one, which while a bit of a stretch is believable, but he gets offense in and stronger offense than he would by using the weak leg. That’s not bad at all.

And there goes the intelligence as he goes up top and does a double stomp. Rey, your lack of intelligence disturbs me. In a cool spot he makes up for it though in a unique spot. With Edge on the floor, Rey gets a hobbling start but slides face forward so his arms go first and grabs Edge by the head for a tornado DDT. That’s very smart because he protects the leg. That my friends is psychology.

Rey hits a splash from the top after the 619 but Vickie pulls the referee out after jumping out of her wheelchair. Rey goes for another 619 but Vickie jumps onto the apron and he kicks her. This of course would put her in the wheelchair for months. Rey stops for a second to go oh crap and when he hits a springboard, Edge hits a great spear for the pin. Vickie gets the big sympathy thing from Edge as she is wheeled out.

Rating: A-. I really liked Rey here and for the life of me I don’t get the crowd. To be fair though, New York is the mother of the smark towns so that is your likely answer. This wasn’t bad at all for a token title defense. It came off pretty well with the knee being a great point to work with. Rey impressed me a lot here with some of his innovations to protect his leg. This came out very well and I liked it a lot, Vickie aside.

Flair comes out of the shower and Kennedy is waiting on him. He says he would love to beat Flair. Shawn makes the unneeded save with a great line of “kids these days”. Shawn makes fun of himself which is always great stuff. Batista shows up as does HHH and it’s awkward. I know this because they tell us it’s awkward. Shawn of course pushes his new shirt.

Orton and Hardy are getting ready.

Maria, looking mostly hot comes out for the first ever HD Kiss Cam. This goes on for like 90 seconds and is just annoying. Ashley comes out for no apparent reason. Good night she’s disturbing looking and gets no reaction. The mention of Maria in Playboy draws out Santino in a JEALOUS RAGE!!! He has someone under a cover too. There’s a jobber joke there somewhere.

I love how Santino makes fun of the New York teams here but earlier this year he did the decent jersey bit. He says the Giants will choke in the Super Bowl. Considering what happened, that’s just hilarious. I’ll give him this: he can draw cheap heat like no one not named Mick Foley. Under the sheet is of course Big Dick Johnson in Patriots apparel. In other news, X is defecting to the Jets. Ashley looks like the pole she belongs on.

Mike Adamle does the intro for the video package, famously calling him Jeff Harvey. We go to the video package, and easily this is one of the best ones the company has ever put together. Instead of just highlighting the three weeks leading up to the match (it was 6-7 here so that helped a lot) they show miniature bios of Jeff and Randy and their roads to getting here, with Jeff’s set to Rooftops by the Lost Prophets and since that’s one of my favorite songs it helps a lot.

They then have a thing where they jump back and forth between two segments on Raw: Randy punting Matt while Jeff is in the ring and Jeff’s INSANE dive onto Orton off the Raw set that was a legit scary thing. The problem was simple though. As Norcal put it after that, “Man, is Jeff gonna jump off the roof at the Rumble?” That summed it up right there: how could Jeff top this? Either way, this has me way into the match that I know the ending to and took place nearly two years ago. That’s very impressive.

Raw World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

The key to this whole match is simple: Jeff could win. That was the whole thing anyone could talk about on WZ leading up to this: Jeff could win. Jeff is IC Champion here. Orton doesn’t hear voices yet. We get the big match intros which work well here. There’s no crowd confusion here which is a plus. They do the stupid bell ringing twice thing so in other words the match isn’t going on right now but whatever.

It’s a really basic thing to start but Orton is playing to the crowd really well now that he’s in control. Jeff gets a great baseball slide and Orton hits the barrier and his head looks like it’s not attached. That looks awesome. Ross is WAY too excited over this match. Orton tries to leave with the belt as he draws great heel heat. He’s a lot better here than he usually is.

In an unintentional great visual, the belt is on the ground and Jeff is down stretching his arms out and he can’t reach it. I don’t think he knew it was there but it looked great. Orton busts out the Orton Stomp just to tick me off a bit. It’s an old Ronnie Garvin move so no wonder it annoys me.Orton’s offense has been kind of all over the place and there’s been very little flow to this.

It’s been more or less a long brawl, although to be fair we’re 8 minutes in which from what I’ve seen is about half of the match so there’s time left. And just as I say that Jeff makes a comeback and we hit the floor again. Back in the ring, Jeff takes a GREAT shoulder post shot. That might have been the best I’ve ever seen as he freaking dives for it. This just isn’t that interesting of a match.

I think the problem simply is that the buildup was so awesome and then at the end of the day, it’s going to be a Randy Orton match which means it’s likely not going to be that good. Jeff comes back with an awesome looking Whisper in the Wind, which is my favorite Hardy move. It more or less ended with his leg slamming into Orton’s head so it almost looked like it ended with a Fameasser or a leg drop.

Granted it was completely by accident but whatever. Orton gets out of the way of the Swanton a bit later but gets sent to the floor. Jeff completely misses a top rope moonsault that at least they cover up with a quick camera cut.

Jeff more or less landed next to Orton which they of course show on a replay because the camera people are freaking stupid at times. And we go back in and Orton counters a Twist of Fate into the RKO to end it. I get that the move is supposed to come out of nowhere, but that ending came out of nowhere and not in the cool exciting way but in the that felt like it was bad way.

Rating: C-. The problem here like I said earlier is the hype. The hype here was off the charts and they simply weren’t going to be able to live up to it no matter what. That’s where this match lost it and that can’t be blamed on Orton and Hardy. That being said, this just was kind of a mess.

It’s not awful, but it’s a letdown and just not very good. Hardy wasn’t ready yet, but this was a good test for him. He would chase the title all year (minus the three month suspension for being an idiot and getting high) before winning it in a SHOCKER at Armageddon.

Royal Rumble

They actually have Michael Buffer doing the ring announcing. That’s awesome. He just sounds right doing this to say the least. Taker is number one and Michaels is number two, because it’s completely realistic to think that two guys that were numbers the last two last year would be numbers one and two this year. Buffer messes up his name though. He says it right but he sounds like there should be something coming after it.

They say a few people have come in at number one and won the match but they don’t say who, obviously due to the suckitude of Rey’s win. That’s all it could be right? We’re into minute number three of Taker’s entrance at this point. BIG old pop for Shawn. Well we know they’re not going out first. Did I mention all 6 guys are calling the Rumble this year? Yes because we need two guys to scream about everything, two analysts that aren’t that good and two idiots.

Santino is number three because two Hall of Famers aren’t good enough and we need comedy. Shawn kicks him in the face and Taker dumps him out. Well at least it was the right decision. Intervals are 90 seconds this year. Shawn counters Old School because no one has ever done that before. Khali is number four to a groan. Taker jumps him as the announcers point out how he used to knock Taker around, yet neglects to mention that Taker put him out with relative ease last year.

The smart crowd of course goes into the You Can’t Wrestle chant. Taker puts him out in about a minute for the second year in a row. Hardcore Holly, who is a tag champion here along with Cody Rhodes, is number five. It’s an even numbered year so it’s time to push him again. John Morrison, just starting to get over as a tag wrestler here, is number 6. Shawn and Morrison need to be given 20 minutes one day to just tear the house down.

Dreamer, who asked for his release today, is number 7. These intervals are WAY shorter than 90 seconds. Batista is in maybe a minute later. Taker and Batista have the big showdown that lasts just a few seconds before Dreamer goes after Batista and gets thrown out. They reference the clocks going fast as Horny is 9th. Oh screw it. He goes under the ring as Batista spears Taker.

We’ve got Holly, Horny, Morrison, Shawn, Batista and Taker in there. Ok, that might have been 45 seconds this time. Chuck the stupid biker Palumbo is 10th. It was another vain attempt to make him mean a thing and it failed completely. He’s just turned heel and no one cared in the slightest. He was feuding with Noble of all people and couldn’t beat him. That’s saying a lot.

Taker throws Morrison but he makes a nice save to stay in. Amazingly, Noble is 11th, just after his rival Palumbo. He’s gone in about thirty seconds thanks to Chucky. Punk, who would win the world title in the summer, is number 12. He just lost the ECW Title a few weeks before this to Chavo but would win MITB at Mania. He puts Palumbo out just before Rhodes is 13th. Umaga is 14th and nothing at all is going on here.

He’s got the incredibly bright red tights on here and he puts Holly out after shouting a lot. This is just terribly boring. Snitsky, amazingly still with a job, is number 15. Rhodes and Punk almost gets him out but that fails of course as Rhodes isn’t over yet. Morrison and Punk go at it renewing the real rivalry as Miz is number 16.

Taker and Umaga, who were supposed to feud about a dozen times but never did for whatever reason, fight for awhile until the minute passes and Shelton comes in at 17. Michaels kicks him out with ease. Well ok then. After about 30 seconds, Jimmy Snuka is 18th. Seriously? That’s the best you can come up with? He looks AWFUL. This is what I don’t like about WWE.

Shelton, a young guy with talent is in there for 15 seconds and Snuka gets a few minutes. What’s the point in that? Taz says that Snuka and Miz live two complete lives. He then throws in different, which helps because I thought they were the same person there for a bit. Nice job clearing that up there buddy. In at number 19 is Roddy Piper of all people. WHY?? To be fair he gets a great pop and looks decent.

Oh good night he took his shirt off. He needs to keep that freaking thing on. Old worlds collide as Piper and Snuka fight with everyone else stopping to watch them fight. Ok, the clock might have made it 30 seconds there as this is ridiculous. Piper is awesome but not in the ring in 2008. Kane comes in at 20 and I think you know the drill. He puts Piper and Snuka out to thankfully clear out the WAY to crowded ring a bit.

It’s still way too full but that’s a lot better. We get a big mess with Shawn, Taker, Snitsky and Umaga as Carlito is 21st. Shawn might have a broken nose. 22 is…Mick Foley? Well, I guess it makes more sense than Snuka and Piper. He gets a HUGE pop. He and Horny qualified together a few weeks before this. They’re chanting his name so I can actually accept this one to an extent.

At the moment we have Taker, Shawn, Morrison, Batista, Horny (under the ring), Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Kane, Carlito and Foley. See what I mean about it being too full? To be fair though, that’s an awesome list of people for the most part. Kennedy is 23rd to a freaking ROAR. If he could have stayed healthy and been used right, he could have been a huge deal. Ok no he wouldn’t have been but when he was hot he was very hot.

Freaking Big Daddy V brings the combined talent in the ring down about 1000% though at 24. Snitsky is put out by Taker but he turns around into Sweet Chin Music to eliminate him but before Shawn can turn around Kennedy dumps him. That was fast paced if nothing else. Taker beats on Snitsky because he’s ticked off. Kane beats on BDV who isn’t wearing a shirt and is therefore disturbing. Rhodes is thrown over but skins the cat to stay alive.

WHO CAME UP WITH THAT NAME??? Did wrestling promoters like to skin cats or something? Just a freaking weird choice for a name. Mark Henry is 25th. Miz is in trouble and Horny pops out to pull him out. Punk takes a double headbutt from Henry and V. That can’t hurt that bad as both are hollow.

And here we have the proof that the ECW Title means nothing as Chavo is number 26. He’s a world champion and can have any title shot he wants if he wins. So, could he fight himself? Edge and Orton aren’t in here, yet he is. There’s all the proof you need that the ECW Title means nothing. Kane puts Morrison out. Horny tries to do the same thing to Henry that he did to Miz and he gets pulled back in.

The two big black men try to decide who gets to eat him but Finlay jumps the gun to save him. He uses that club and gets disqualified for it which is nonsense and Horny leaves with him, as both are gone. Elijah “Deangelo Dinero” Burke, who I swear to you has talent and potential even though I’ve never seen it but everyone says he does so it HAS to be true right? Chavo puts out Punk. Don’t worry Punk fans as he would have a much better year in the future.

Batista goes under the bottom rope to the floor. HHH is 29th and so it begins, as everyone starts wondering who number 30 is. There goes Rhodes. Big Daddy V follows. He puts out Foley which is still an awesome sight. This has been way over 90 seconds as to the next entrant. Burke is gone. Umaga takes a Pedigree and there’s the clock.

In easily the biggest Rumble shocker of the all time and arguably one of the biggest shockers in wrestling history, JOHN CENA IS NUMBER THIRTY! He had gotten hurt on October 1st and it was said he would be out until Mania at the least. This was easily the best kept secret in the company probably ever as NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE saw this coming. The LD more or less exploded at the time and with good reason.

This was EPIC. MSG has goes silent and then erupts in about 4 seconds as even New York is stunned. Everyone stops dead in the ring as I wonder who actually knew about this. Oh before I forget the final group is Batista, Umaga, Kane, Carlito, Kennedy, Henry, Chavo, HHH and now Cena. Carlito and Chavo are out in seconds thanks to Cena as the winner is about as obvious as possible now. Henry is out now and there’s your showdown as he walks into HHH.

As they fight you can see Chavo running to the back which is very odd. Batista spears the heck out of Umaga as Kennedy is put out by Batista and then he does the same to Umaga, to make the final four Batista, HHH, Cena and Kane who is put out to get us to three. The IWC was about to commit mass suicide at this point based on these three being the finalists. All three do their taunts to each other and it’s on.

Batista is put out and we’re down to two. And there it is, as Cena becomes the most hated man in New York City in less than ten seconds. Well he is from Boston I guess. In the most predictable elimination in Rumble history, Cena FUs HHH out to end it and go to Mania, even though he would lose in a triple threat that really should have just been HHH vs. Cena. Posing closes the show.

Rating: C-. And most of that is for Cena. This just wasn’t that good of a Rumble as there were too many spots near and after the middle that were just boring beyond belief with nothing of note happening. It was ok, but nothing great at all. Cena’s return is absolutely awesome though and makes the match on all kinds of levels. It’s ok, but there are far better Rumbles.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked it. It’s not a terrible show by any sense of the word, but at the same time, it’s certainly not great. There’s no truly great match on the card but it’s fine for what it is. Cena returning turned the company upside down and more or less reset the whole road to Wrestlemania.

Hardy and Orton is ok but not great at all. There’s decent stuff here, but with just five matches it’s a bit hard to get behind. Check it out for Cena’s return and that’s about all, but don’t avoid it if that makes sense.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 24, 2011
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show before the Rumble so something tells me they’re going to be talking about one thing quite a bit.  Tonight is probably going to be the last push for people that actually think they have a chance at it while they’re nothing but cannon fodder for the people that really have a chance.  Also tonight we get to find out a little something about the guy that might as well be Batista’s son.  Let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up.  I can’t remember the last time that happened.

Edge vs. Miz in a champion vs. champion match.

Melina challenges for the Divas Title tonight.

Here’s Edge to open the show.  He says to Miz that he doesn’t have a lot of patience and doesn’t want to wait.  After listing off things he doesn’t like to wait for he says let’s do it now Miz.  An E-Mail cuts him off though and the GM doesn’t like Edge still.  Thankfully they’ve gotten what looks like an e-mail on the screen now.  We’re going to have a mini Rumble right now and whichever of the three can throw Edge over gets #40.

Edge vs. Tyson Kidd/Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger

They all come and are in at once.  Edge takes them all down and eliminates Kidd.  Drew kicks him HARD in the head and almost gets him out.  Swagger makes the save as he wants the final spot but charges at the champion and goes flying out also.  Edge throws Drew out without much effort to win at 1:14.  No rating of course and I’m not even going to call it a real match of course.

Post match Edge says he’s going to get ready for Miz but first of all he wants to relive something that he did the last time he was on Raw.  Does anyone want to see a smashed computer?  Edge goes out to the computer but Cole stands in his way.  Edge is going after him but here’s Nexus instead.  Five guys this time, including the new guy.

Punk says that in this world only the strong survive and they do that by evolving.  He talks about the Rumble being bigger and to survive, the New Nexus had to evolve as well.  Punk introduces the new man, and his name is indeed Mason Ryan as we all knew coming in.  At least it’s official now.  Ryan says faith.  That’s the only thing he says.  Everyone is in Nexus because of faith according to Punk.

He talks about Corre (yes I know it’s the wrong spelling and I don’t care) and how Nexus has more faith than they do.  He will win on Sunday and Nexus will become the most powerful group the WWE Universe will ever see.  Could that mean a new addition?  As he stops talking, cue the Corre (I hate myself at times).

Barrett says he’s looking at the poor man’s version of Nexus.  Jackson says Corre will try to win the Rumble for themselves but will eliminate Punk.  Ryan gets in his face and we have an e-mail.  The GM makes Barrett vs. Punk.  The loser’s entire group is out of the Rumble.  The guest referee is Cena.  King says it’s a match you never thought you would see on Raw.  Why wouldn’t you expect to see that on Raw?  Anyway that takes us to our first break.

Back and we get a clip of the mini Rumble from last week with Henry clearing the ring.

John Morrison/Mark Henry vs. Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio

Alberto and Morrison start us off.  Cole is ripping into Jerry over him lasting 4 seconds in the 97 Rumble.  Alberto controls early and brings Sheamus in after a few seconds.  Morrison fights back fairly well against the Human Jar of Mayonnaise.  Off to Alberto again and Morrison may want to consider a tag.  He’s fought off Del Rio but won’t tag.

Morrison sets up for Starship Pain but Sheamus pulls him to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Del Rio holding Morrison in a chinlock.  Sheamus interfered during the break to give his team the advantage.  Off to Sheamus again and we see that Michael Tarver is watching on.  He looks a bit slimmer but that could be due to being in a suit.  Sheamus continues to hammer away and locks in that highly modified crossface chickenwing that he’s been using recently.

A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two.  Brogue Kick misses and Morrison gets an enziguri to take down Sheamus.  Henry finally is tagged in after 9 minutes.  He runs over Del Rio a few times and gets a standing splash for two.  He and Sheamus face off but get Sheamus gets taken down by the Flash Kick.  Morrison dives out onto Sheamus and may have tweaked his knee on the landing.  In the ring the cross armbreaker ends Henry at 10:07.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this match for some reason.  It’s not terrible but Henry not coming in until the very end hurt it a bit.  Morrison seemed like he was sleepwalking through this and it didn’t work that well for the most part.  It’s an ok match but it never really got going for me.

Divas Title: Melina vs. Natalya

Melina is shrieking early and knocks Natalya to the floor very early.  Natalya is in trouble and Melina locks on a Full Nelson using her legs while sitting on the mat.  That’s a new one on me for sure.  Natalya stands up and rams Melina in the corner and fires off some forearms.

She pulls back for a big right hand but Melina drills her to take her down.  Melina tries a leg lock but Natalya grabs the legs and pulls into a Sharpshooter, wrenching back on it so hard that she’s laying on her back.  There’s the easy submission at 2:45.  Too short to grade but that submission was great.

Post match here’s Laycool.  They say that this Sunday Natalya is losing some weight in the form of the title.  They don’t say which it is but apparently one or both is getting a shot.

Back and we recap last week’s main event with Punk winning by DQ due to Ryan kicking him in the face.  There’s a religious sounding song in the background as Punk narrates about loyalty and faith.

Nexus is worrying about how Punk could cost them their spots in the Rumble.  Punk and Ryan come up and Punk talks about making a sacrifice to beat Cena.  He says that Sunday they will all sacrifice their spots so that Punk can win.  Harris isn’t looking happy about that.  He says there are 40 people this year and what if Punk is already gone when they get there?  Ryan says Punk won’t be eliminated.

Punk says take care of the Corre tonight but McGillicutty says what about Cena?  Punk says he’ll win because Barrett was Cena’s main enemy, not Punk.  The leader has them take a knee and raise their fists, drawing great heat from the crowd.

Matthews is with Cena who says he’s always done the right thing and he’ll do that tonight.  If Punk wins he’ll eliminate every member of the New Nexus.  If Barrett wins he has to deal with the Corre, which has an extra R.  He found out what it stands for earlier today but gets cut off by Miz and Riley.  Apparently it stands for rectum.

Miz says everyone needs to realize that winning the Rumble could be the worst thing possible as it means they could face him.  Cena stares him down and says Miz might lose at the Rumble and lose his rematch and not make it to Wrestlemania.  Cena leaves and Miz gets rid of Matthews.  Miz asks the audience if they think he’ll win the Rumble.  He asks Riley if it’s ready and Riley says roll the footage.  We get a clip of the beatdown of Orton from last week and Cole is very happy with it.

The Miz vs. Edge

As we’re about ready to go here’s Dolph.  Can we get to some wrestling already?  Ziggler and Vickie join us on commentary and we finally get the bell.  Edge has taped ribs due to the Corre attack on Friday.  After a brief feeling out process Edge takes over with some basic stuff.  Later on we’ll get an update on Teddy Long.  Miz fires back but no one has had a long advantage yet.

Edge gets a clothesline to take Miz to the floor and we take a break.  Back with Edge getting a cover over what looked like a backdrop.  Jerry: “Vickie I’m glad you could be here.  I thought you’d be at the birth of your next boyfriend.”  King gets a good line in every now and then like there.  Miz takes over but lowers his head and gets caught in a spinning neckbreaker.  Edge wants the spear but Miz hits the floor.

Miz goes for the ribs but can’t send Edge into the railing as the Canadian reverses.  Back in and Miz can’t get a superplex.  Edge knocks him off and gets a top rope cross body for two.  Jerry gets in an argument with Vickie and Dolph over glasses and pants or something like that.  Miz drapes Edge over the top rope as we take another break.

Back with Miz getting a two off an unseen move.  Some right hands get another two.  Miz has a body scissors on Edge as Cole goes on and on about how great Miz is, listing off various people he’s a combination of: Sammartino, Thesz, Michaels, just to name a few.  Edge fights up and gets his half nelson face crusher for two.  Miz’s corner clothesline misses and Edge gets two.

Riley grabs the leg of Edge and Edge goes after him.  Nothing comes of that but Miz gets a small package on Edge when he comes back in for two.  Edge hits the ropes and misses a clothesline but Edge takes out Riley with a baseball slide.  Edgecution puts Miz down and Edge wants the spear.  And never mind as Ziggler trips him for the DQ at 16:40.

Rating: B-. Good match here and it got a lot of time.  The double commercial kind of hurt it as it made it feel a bit disjointed.  They started to crank it up at the end, but the most important thing here is that Miz looked pretty strong.  No one winning definitively is a good thing for sure.  Not a great match but not bat at all.

Post match Ziggler hits the Zig Zag but here comes Orton for the save.  The crowd wakes way up for his appearance.  RKO to Riley and RKO to Ziggler, but Miz gets a shot in and leaves with the title as we take a break.

Back with Barrett saying that he always talked about how Nexus was about the bigger picture.  However he lost sight of that and only cared about the title and humiliating Cena.  We pan out to see everyone else but Barrett repeated that there are no leaders here.  Matthews asks about the attack on Long but Barrett again denies it.  He respects Cena and hopes that can be mutual someday.

Daniel Bryan/Bella Twins vs. Ted DiBiase/Alicia Fox/Maryse

The genitaila have to match here.  The guys start and it’s off to a Bella and Maryse very soon.  The other Bella hits on Daniel and Maryse gets a rollup with ease to end it at 57 seconds.  No rating of course.  Alicia I beg of you: straighten your hair again.

Back and the Bellas are arguing about Bryan.  Tarver is staring at them and then disappears.  That was….odd.  They go into Bryan’s locker room and find him making out with Gail Kim who is apparently his girlfriend who he’s been dating for SIX MONTHS???  And yes he was in fact a vegan.  Gail says he was hanging with the Bellas because he felt sorry for them since there were no more guest stars and they had nothing to do.  They call Gail a nothing and a brawl breaks out.  This was surprisingly hilarious.

Here’s Nexus and the tag titles are on the line next.

Miz/Ziggler vs. Rated RKO on Friday.

Michael McGillicutty/Husky Harris vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

Cole corrects himself as this is not a title match.  McGillicutty and Kozlov to start.  Off to Santino and he loses the advantage for his team.  Harris beats him up for a good while as the Canaditalian is in trouble.  He needs a tag but Harris takes Vlad down before it can be made.  Santino wakes up and fights Harris off on his own.  Time for the Cobra but he walks into a clothesline from Husky.  Downward Spiral ends it at 3:52.

Michael McGillicutty/Husky Harris b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov @ 3:52 – Downward Spiral to Marella

Rating: D+. Nothing special at all here and I’m not entirely sure if I’d have gone with a glorified squash of the champions.  It was a TV match with nothing going on at all for the most part.  Pretty clear that it’s just a way to set up another Nexus title run which they could use I guess.  Yeah that’s it.

Otunga says let’s hear it for the winners and introduces Punk.  Cena is coming and we go to a break.

Wade Barrett vs. CM Punk

Cena is referee and the winner’s group gets to stay in the Rumble.  Before the match, Cena throws Nexus out.  Hey Corre, you’re out too.  Cole gets on Cena for abusing his power with those ejections.  Ah there’s the bell but Cena shoves Punk down almost immediately.  Punk comes up with a fist but Cena points out the referee.  There’s a slap to Barrett from Punk and again with the shirt.

Punk jumps Barrett and we’re finally on.  Barrett is thrown to the floor and Punk jaws at Cena, saying that’s him on Sunday.  Naturally Cena throws Punk over the top.  Punk charges back in but won’t hit him because it would mean he’s out of the Rumble.  Barrett jumps him from behind, but Cena hits the floor to sign some autographs instead of counting a pin.

Back in the ring and it’s…a bell?  It’s a double DQ for use of excessive profanity on a PG show at 2:00.  Both teams are out of the Rumble!  Cena starts to leave but it’s an E-Mail.  The teams are back in, but if Cena doesn’t apologize to both guys then he’s out.

Wade Barrett vs. CM Punk went to a Double DQ @ 2:00 when they both used too much profanity

Cena apologizes but drills them both.  The rest of the teams run in and Cena hits the floor.  The locker room empties and it’s the annual pre-Rumble big brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. And let the bashing me begin.  This wasn’t about wrestling tonight and I’ll be ignoring comments from people that say this is unfair to give this such a grade.  Yes it is, as the point of this show was a buildup to the Rumble.  This certainly did that and in spades.  It wasn’t a wrestling heavy show but it wasn’t supposed to be.  Decent enough stuff and the things that needed to happen happened.  Good go home show.

Results

Edge b. Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger/Tyson Kidd – Edge last eliminated McIntyre to win

Alberto Del Rio/Sheamus b. John Morrison/Mark Henry – Cross Armbreaker to Henry

Natalya b. Melina – Sharpshooter

Maryse/Ted DiBiase/Alicia Fox b. Daniel Bryan/Bella Twins – Rollup to Nikki Bella

Michael McGillicutty/Husky Harris b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – Downward Spiral to Marella

Wade Barrett vs. CM Punk went to a Double DQ when they both used too much profanity

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

Before I get going, this is the Rumble where the promo was designed after West Side Story. The tag line was “All the rumbling, minus the dancing and singing.” Again I say, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THESE PEOPLE ON??? It’s not the scariest part that these people are agreeing to put this on, but that someone THOUGHT THIS UP and GOT PAID TO DO IT. I mean come on now. WEST SIDE STORY???

This is supposed to be one of the biggest fights of the year and it’s WEST FREAKING SIDE STORY??? ANYWAY, the rest of this show looks pretty weak other than the Rumble. Other than another year passing, we’ve seen the rise of Batista and Cena, who are all of a sudden the hottest guys in the company.

HHH is world champion in a stunning revelation and is facing Orton tonight, allegedly in his last title shot. Say it with me: HA! We also have JBL defending against Show and Angle in a match I completely don’t remember. Oh and Edge is back and an Achilles enthusiast now. Let’s get to this.

Our opening video talks about how the legacy of the Rumble continues tonight. That’s fine. We shift to an alley where we have Raw and Smackdown dressed like it’s the 1950s and singing about fighting each other, with one line being: “We’ll step into the ring and reach an understanding. When the smoke has cleared I’ll be the last man standing.” Please, I beg of you now, end my life so I don’t have to listen to this anymore!

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Edge has been using Metalingus for 5 years almost? Methinks this might be dubbed. Oddly enough the same band is doing the theme song for the PPV. At Taboo Tuesday, Shawn had gotten voted into the title match instead of Edge, so we get this as a result. Ross calls HBK a first ballot Hall of Famer. Who makes the ballots for that thing? I want that job. My first step: shorten the class size to like 5.

We start off fast, shocking no one. They already reference the 95 Rumble so at least they’re starting it early. To kill some time we list of some of Shawn’s accomplishments because we have to do that at least once a week. The heel heat that Edge is already drawing is really impressive. In a painful looking spot, Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic on the floor. That can’t feel good, which I think is the point. The crowd is hot tonight so that’s good.

Within maybe 30 seconds of each other, Lawler says that Edge has never gotten a world title shot and Ross says if Edge ever starts doing shampoo commercials he’ll be perfect. For those that have no clue why this is interesting, both of those things not only happened, but they both happened in 2002. Yeah I need a life don’t I? After Shawn comes back for a good while we hit the floor where Edge hits a spear.

For the love of mangoes he needs a new finisher. This is kind of an odd choice for an opening match. They’re both big names, so why not save this for a bit later? I guess because with only five matches on the card there’s no other place to put it. Edge tunes up the band but instead throws out the spear for two. Edge counters Sweet Chin Music into a SWEET electric chair that gets two. Edge is having a mental breakdown over this and his facials are still epic.

He counters a sunset flip into that weird kneeling Sharpshooter thing he would do that was always weird looking. The hold looks just completely awful when you look at it for more than three seconds. Shawn is in it over a minute and doesn’t tap which is fairly cool I suppose. Edge finishes with a reversed rollup and uses the ropes for a pin. I like that ending. Edge’s reaction of completely freaking out and screaming I DID IT was just awesome.

Rating: B. It took me awhile to figure out if I liked this match or not. The ending made it for me though as Edge getting the win was a big deal. Shawn definitely didn’t need a win here while this was Edge’s biggest win of his career at this point. The ropes at the end helped a lot too to play up Edge as a heel. This was a very good match overall with the booking being especially good.

We go to the back where Bischoff and Long, who more or less is the same character that he is now. Torrie and Christy are running the number draw as Eddie and Flair come in, both dressed like kings. Eddie starts to reach in but Flair stops him. He dances a bit and says 16 times.

Eddie pulls his hand back and lets Ric go first. That was great to me for some reason. Ric is thrilled with his number and Eddie is upset. Ric brags and then Eddie hugs him. Flair shows the girls his number and realizes Eddie stole his and chases after him. That was a lot better than it sounds.

Heidenreich is in the back, talking about how he hates caskets. Snitsky comes up and says he knows Heidenreich hates caskets, but they like each other and Snitsky has an idea. There are more gay overtones here than there were with Piper and Bob Orton, and that’s saying A LOT.

We recap Taker vs. Heidenreich (Jon, because that takes too long to type) which more or less was Heyman bringing Jon in and them fighting a bit. Jon was supposed to be some big tough fighter or something but he was bland as all goodness and it bombed badly.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

This is a casket match. They actually start with wrestling stuff, shocking the heck out of me. Taker keeps using headlocks to drag Jon to the casket. That’s really smart as it freaks Jon out. Jon is kind of an MMA/street fighter kind of guy but he’s just not that good at it. In an awesome spot, we’re in the corner with Jon throwing punches at Taker. Taker grabs the ropes and throws his legs up to tie up Jon in a triangle choke while still up in the corner. That was awesome.

Tazz points out why Cole is messing up the names of the moves which Cole gets annoyed with. For some reason the fans start booing the heck out of the match. Oh Snitsky is here. They double team Taker with a double suplex and Jon somehow manages to botch that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to mess up a move like that? Kane is in the casket. This was supposed to be Taker’s match at Mania. I’m glad they went with Taker vs. Orton instead aren’t you?

The announcers are of course stunned at someone hiding in a casket, despite Taker having done it about a million times. Jon moves the casket away from the ring for no apparent reason. Taker is back to beat on him some more as we have a Christian Coalition sign in the front row. TNA is already spreading. They’re on PPV at this point so I guess it’s possible, even though Christian was still in WWE at this point so ignore me.

Apparently Taker’s knee is hurt or something like that. Jon pulls back the mat as this match is a train wreck at this point. With Taker laying on the floor, Jon gets a running start with the casket to ram it into Taker. Granted he was almost under the ring so it actually would have been easy to get out of the way so there we go. Jon goes to his finisher: a cobra clutch. Are you starting to see why this guy was such an epic failure?

Naturally as Taker is put in the casket, he gets an arm out. This needs to end, like NOW. Jon uses a Boss Man Slam which Cole says Taker nailed him with. Yeah they botched that call something awful. The crowd really isn’t that interested either. Jon rolls him to the casket and in the EXACT SAME SEQUENCE, Taker gets out. After a REALLY bad chokeslam, the tombstone finally ends this.

Rating: D-. This was just bad on a lot of levels. There were all kinds of blown spots and the Snitsky and Kane run in was completely pointless. What’s the point in booking Taker in these matches if he never loses them? Jon was supposed to be Taker’s arch rival. That’s just funny. At least this finally ended this awful feud so we don’t have to put up with it anymore. This was really bad.

Ad for Mania.

In the back, Long wants Eddie to give back the number. Eddie’s face is priceless on this. Evolution shows up and demands it back, but Eddie gives it up. He’s also made to give back Flair’s wallet which Flair didn’t know about. Why aren’t these guys ever sued? Anyway, Batista says he needs to go get his number and he’ll be right back. HHH says they have to plan something. Batista says it’ll only take a minute and HHH orders him to stay. This doesn’t go well. Well at least they didn’t try to be subtle.

Christian and Tomko are ready to pick their numbers. He’s happy with it until Cena comes in to a huge pop. They have a battle rap that goes nowhere. The best part is when Christian asks Tomko for a beat and Tomko just says no. Cena makes gay jokes and the crowd pops for no apparent reason.

JBL is champion. Angle wants to be champion. Show wants to be champion. If that’s not validation for a triple threat I don’t know what is.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Kurt Angle vs. JBL

Angle and JBL had a last man standing match on Smackdown apparently so they’re both sore. JBL with the limo was always cool. Show is the odds on favorite apparently. They did a double knock out on Smackdown. This is in the middle of JBL’s reign of doom where he held the belt for almost ten months. They need to get that belt back. It just looks awesome. Apparently there’s a petition to get rid of Teddy Long.

Angle hides on the floor which is a smart idea. They’re broadcasting in New Zealand apparently, so there you go Shadow! Show chops people quite a bit. Show is more or less dominating here. We have steps set up leading to the table which is a bit odd. Show sets for a chokeslam on JBL through it from on top of the steps, but Angle low blows him and a monitor shot puts Show through the table so it’s Angle and JBL at the moment.

The two of them fight it out in the ring to kill some time for Big Show to get back. Geez Show is huge compared to when he was the Giant still. That guy could have carried a company but he had to get all big and fat and slow and it didn’t work at all. Show gets back in and beats both guys up again and looks ready to win, more or less guaranteeing that he won’t. Just as I say that, the others team up to put him down with a combination Clothesline and chop block.

Show hits a chokeslam but JBL gets the foot on the rope. Show is actually moving with something resembling speed. And there goes the barricade as Show puts JBL through it. We cue up the run ins as Jindrak and Reigns come in to take out Big Show while the Cabinet gets JBL up and gives him a chair.

It isn’t used though as Angle walks into the Clothesline for the pin to keep the title as the fans boo the heck out of it. They don’t have much to boo about as he got a clean pin. Show got robbed apparently and would get a barbed wire cage match the next month that had a cool ending.

Rating: B. While I hate triple threats, this was pretty good. There was a flow here that you don’t often see in them as they kept one guy down for a good amount of the match in Big Show, which is definitely a good idea given how big he is and that he was the favorite. While it’s no classic, I like this one I think. It’s better than most I’ve seen if nothing else.

Batista won’t get rid of Long via the petition. He threatens Carlito who swallows the apple. In a continuous camera shot we go to the place where numbers are drawn and the GMs are arguing. Apparently Evolution is barred from ringside in the next match and Batista wants to tell HHH. You can see the turn a mile away.

Promo for Mania. It’s the Hollywood one this time.

Ross and Lawler talk about the PPV theme song and the Raw main event for no apparent reason.

We recap it as they had been feuding for months yet they kept going at it anyway. Who would have seen that? Orton allegedly wasn’t allowed to have another shot but of course he’s getting it again here. Orton got cheated out of the title at New Year’s Revolution by Evolution so he gets the shot here. I love how these guys have been feuding for almost five years over a team that existed for all of two years.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is the somewhat over face here. He was far more over about 4 months ago but because he was over, HHH was clearly the better choice for the belt than the young, over hotshot that was getting better and more popular every time he got in the ring. Orton goes for an RKO and HHH throws him over the ropes. Why couldn’t it injure him like it did in I think their second last man standing match? Orton used to have this weird style of punches that he’s using here.

I’ve never been able to get into it either. Oh and Orton has a bad knee of course. He swears about 7 times in 5 seconds in a nice touch. Why does something tell me that this will be by far and away the longest match of the night outside of the Rumble? HHH is already using the figure four because he has to be the new Ric Flair in every single way he can be. So we start fast and now HHH has decided to slow things down.

Did I mention that I really hate this match and rivalry? If there’s ever been a guy that has changed so completely over the years, it’s Orton. He’s almost unrecognizable both as far as looks go and the way he works in the ring. It’s a total contrast. Orton is bleeding badly from the lip and looks a lot like Ted DiBiase in that shot. He counters a Pedigree as I just couldn’t care less about this match.

There’s just something that’s always been missing between these two when they got at it and it’s always hurt this match. Granted this is better than most of their future matches, but the problem is already coming clearly here: they want this to be some epic encounter but at the same time, nothing ever comes of it and that’s not a good thing at all. Orton takes a shot to the head and looks like he has a concussion that I think is faked as they keep getting shots of it.

Dang it the referee went down. This match just needs to end and it needs to do so now. It’s hammer time as I’d advise you to make your own jokes. We’ve hit the part of the match that always happens between these two. There comes a point where it’s always about the hammer and not about the wrestling at all. This is where these matches lose it for me as I just freaking don’t care anymore about them.

Why does everything have to follow the same formula of a long match leading up to one moment where the hammer is the key to the whole thing while the referee is down? It always comes to this and it’s just boring to say the least. Also, get some referees that can take a freaking hit. HHH gets the Pedigree and the academic pin to thankfully end this with HHH STILL having the belt.

Rating: D+. This was the same match you’ve seen from these guys a dozen times but with Orton as the face. HHH was clearly going to win and it was to have a title match on the show and nothing more. There was no point to this at all and it just wasn’t interesting whatsoever. HHH and Orton simply can’t have a great match and they need to stop trying like they seem to have done.

Nunzio gets a spot in the Rumble and Angle steals it from him and says it’s his unless Nunzio wants to fight for it. Ok then.

JBL and the Cabinet come into the drawing room celebrating with champagne and Long says there’s a barbed wire cage match at No Way Out. JBL’s face is great here.

Ross and Tazz are doing the commentary for the Rumble again.

Royal Rumble

Eddie is number one and Benoit is number two. Not a bad way to start. Benoit is rocking the teal here. Dang Benoit has bad luck as he was first last year. This is borderline chilling when you think about it. Naturally, this is a technical showcase which is what it should be. Daniel Puder, perhaps the most worthless wrestler in a long time, is third. His theme song is Getting Away With Murder. Talk about chilling.

It should be noted that the runner up in the Tough Enough show that Puder won was the Miz. Talk about two different career paths. Geez. Puder gets on the mic and says he’s great. Was there something in the water at that Tough Enough show? Naturally the two former world champions beat the living tar out of him. More or less they just spend the 90 seconds chopping and suplexing the heck out of him as Holly, the rookie hater, is 4th. This should be great.

He gets in and asks if he can have some fun with Puder too. He’s had zero offense. This really is quite funny. Even Holly is over because of this. Think about that for a bit. Holly throws what’s left of him out as Hurricane is 5th. Benoit and Guerrero throw out Holly since he’s useless again to get us down to three. They team up and Eddie tries to throw Benoit out and they’re at it again. Hurricane is out as Kenzo Suzuki, another completely worthless human being is number 6.

This Rumble feels like it hasn’t even gotten started yet and since we’re 1/5 of the way through, that’s not good. Again they double team the other guy until Benoit tries to throw Eddie out. Edge is in at seven. Rey is eighth as nothing at all is happening. Kenzo is out almost immediately. It’s not a good sign at all when you have four world champions in the ring and there’s just nothing going on at all. I mean it’s just boring for some reason.

The Guerrero vs. Mysterio feud was coming soon and it would be Eddie’s next to last major one. Shelton Benjamin, the IC Champion, is number 9. He hadn’t had his big match with Shawn yet to really get him over but it was coming. At this point he was just a guy with untapped potential rather than now as a guy that no one takes seriously with untapped potential. He would finally break out soon after this at MITB at Mania.

Booker takes us to ten as the least successful wrestler out of the 6 in there is Shelton Benjamin. They’re blowing their load too fast here as Tazz messes up by saying that Booker vs. HHH was last year. Benjamin might have gone out but we’re looking at Bischoff who just showed up for no apparent reason. We continue the insane star power in there with Jericho at 11th. He’s WAY over with a huge Y2J chant.

Hey looks here’s Teddy Long as Vince continues the theory of keep pushing the Brand Split until people accept it so you can say it was a good idea. Luther (for admin) Reigns comes in at 12 to break that streak. There are way too many people in there right now. Now we throw every man for himself out the window as Raw and Smackdown get on different sides for four one on one matches that consist of Rey vs. Jericho, Benoit vs. Reigns, Booker vs. Edge and Eddie vs. Shelton.

This is kind of cool but kind of stupid as it’s turning the Rumble into an even bigger gimmick match than it usually is. Muhammad Hassan, the most controversial wrestler perhaps of the millennium, is number 13. Everyone stops cold for this. His manager is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir in case you didn’t know that. In a humorous bit, everyone jumps him at once to a great pop. Rey gets 619 and then almost everyone picks him up and throws him out as a group. That was great.

Orlando Jordan is number 14 as this needs to stop being so gimmicky. Tazz tries to compare Orlando Jordan to Shelton Benjamin. That’s just amazing. In a TERRIBLE shot, Shelton is choking Jericho with his feet and Jericho has to grab the foot to move it to his throat. It looked terrible. Scotty is number 15, apparently returning from a tumor. Hassan keeps up a tradition of beating up Scotty on his way to the ring. That has to be what, three times?

So for another year, Scotty doesn’t get into the match. Charlie Haas is 16th. How in the world did he get a chick like Jackie Gayda? Booker throws out Luther (for admin) and Orlando with ease. Booker goes for a spinaroonie but Eddie jumps him to put him out. We have Benoit, Guerrero, Shelton, Edge, Jericho, Haas and Rey in there at the moment. In yet another chilling line, Ross says Benoit and Guerrero are still alive.

Rene Dupree and the poodle is seventeenth to insane heat. The World’s Greatest Tag Team reunites for all of a second with Shelton then going for a Stinger Splash, actually called that by Ross, and Edge dumps him. Simon Dean is 18th as the Rumble is legal. While he’s warming up on the floor, Edge throws out Eddie to great heat. Shawn is 19th. He hammers Edge before casually turning around to clothesline Dean out. Eddie gets a huge chant as he leaves.

Ross says that Edge is trying to corner Rey in a corner. Shawn throws out Haas which gets no recognition as Ross thinks it was Dupree. Angle is 20 and he comes in and stays insane since saying going insane wouldn’t make a lot of sense. Shawn misses a superkick but hits the second to put Angle out in a shocker. Angle is TICKED. Currently we have Benoit, Edge, Rey, Jericho, Dupree and Shawn in there and they’re joined by the Coach of all people at 21.

This is the thing I hate about rumbles like these: what’s the point of putting him in there? Was there no one else on Raw that could have gone in there at all? I mean you couldn’t throw Lawler in there who at least was a wrestler? Rey almost puts Jericho as Jindrak comes in at 22. Angle runs back in and beats up Shawn and throws him over the top. Shawn is bleeding and apparently is out now, setting up their Mania 21 classic.

Number 23 is Viscera who still has no one that cares about him. At least he’s got a shirt on here. Paul London is 25th and he slides in so fast that he almost goes out the other side. Dupree does that stupid French Tickler dance and Jericho puts him out for it. Cena is 24th to a MASSIVE pop. Tazz likes him way too much.

He was just about to shatter the glass ceiling as he would win the world title at Mania from JBL. He manages to backdrop Viscera to eliminate him. I don’t care if you like Cena or not: he has SCARY strength.

Snitsky is 26th. London jumps him and in a video that’s become popular on the internet for obvious reasons, Gene clotheslines him so hard that London got spun backwards which I don’t think was planned. Kane is 27th, causing Tazz to freak over the way that Ross has to put up with these explosions. As someone that’s been surprised by his pyro, I feel his pain. Kane cleans house of course and there goes Jindrak.

A shirtless Coach tries to jump him but Snitsky saves him. London goes out on a stretcher. Batista is 28th and the pop is epic. They were pushing him to the moon around this time and it clearly was the right decision at the end. There goes Snitsky. Kane continues his tradition of getting beaten up by Batista, this time taking the powerbomb. Batista puts out his third guy by throwing out Jericho.

Christian is 29th, finally with the Just Close Your Eyes theme whose current version I’m completely addicted to. Cena goes off on Edge to show off their future great feud. Cena gets a half F5 half FU to Kane to put him out. Flair is number 30, making the final group Benoit, Edge, Coach, Batista, Cena, Christian, Rey and Flair. So other than Coach, all world champions in some company. Not bad at all. Flair throws Coach to Batista for a spinebuster and Flair throws him out.

There goes Christian. He and Edge were both wearing purple. Benoit and Flair have a chop off. Flair and Batista do the same thing to Benoit that they did to Coach. Flair tries to throw out Batista and it doesn’t go well. Rey and Edge knock Batista down with a double dropkick. Edge puts Flair out and your final four are Edge, Rey, Cena and Batista. Not bad at all. Edge hits a spear on Batista and Cena but Rey avoids it.

619 hits but Rey goes too fast and goes over and a spear puts him on the floor. Batista and Cena put Edge out to get the dream match for the final two. The crowd reacts to this in a great way. This has to headline Mania someday. Cena gets him up for the FU but Batista gets out. Cena is put up for the Batista Bomb but they go out at the same time in an homage to the 94 Rumble. Screw the homage part. It’s the same finish, but to be fair that was 11 years ago so I think it’s ok.

The referees argue over it until Vince comes out. He slides into the ring and hits his legs on the apron, ripping his quads and knees apart. He tries to stand up and just crumples to the ground in agony. Instead of screaming in pain or whatever, he sits on the mat leaning against the ropes and does his thing. Batista clearly is about to lose it. Think about it from his perspective for a minute.

You’re wrestling in the main event of the Royal Rumble, one of the biggest shows on the year and you’re in an angle that’s going to send you to Wrestlemania, and your boss, a billionaire, is sitting on the mat after collapsing and ripping his legs apart, not to mention the epic adrenaline rush you must have just been on. Think about that for a minute or two. Anyway, Fink says Vince ordered the match to be restarted.

This translates into Cena vs. Batista. Shouldn’t that mean Benoit and Guerrero come out again and we do the whole Rumble over? That’s what it sounds like to me. Anyway, Batista throws Cena over and then Cena throws Batista over before this is said which is just stupid, at least from Cena. FU is countered and after a spinebuster, Batista throws him out for the easy win.

Rating: B-. I’ve seen far worse I guess. This match never really seemed to get going for my tastes. Now to be fair while it was clear that Batista was the winner before the match even started, they did have Cena out there as a potential winner along with Edge who was a new main event guy, so at least they tried.

I just couldn’t get into this as there were too many things where the match more or less stopped for something. Also having the huge rush of talent in the first third hurt later parts of the match where those guys could come out. It was good but it could have been a lot better.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s some good stuff and there’s some bad stuff here, but the good is more prolific than the bad here. This was a lot more about changing the guard by launching Batista and Cena into the next level which makes it a bit awkward but that’s ok I think. They were the right choices and this was a great way to do the change. I like the show overall, but the second and fourth matches leave a bit to be desired. Not bad, but don’t expect to be blown away.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 17, 2011
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

With today’s news that there will now be 40 entrants into the Rumble, I’d expect to see more people talking about their supposed chance to win and move on to Mania.  Also tonight the announced main event is John Cena vs. CM Punk which I’d bet a high amount on there being a screwy ending for.  Other than that there isn’t anything announced.  Hopefully Raw keeps its streak of pretty good shows going.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Martin Luther King and his I Have A Dream speech (for any non-Americans that may be confused by this, today is Martin Luther King Day in America).

Here’s Cena to open the show with a salute.  I guess he’s on leave from whatever branch of the military he’s supposed to be in.  We get a quick video of three weeks ago when Nexus beat up Cena and allegedly hurt his hip.  This is Cena’s first (televised) appearance in a WWE ring in 2011.  He has some new year’s resolutions.  First is to take care of the psychopath CM Punk.  Second is to read something that I couldn’t make out what he said.  Third is to win the Rumble and fourth is to win the WWE Championship at Mania.

Cena says that Punk is first so if he wants some, come get some.  Instead he gets Miz who along with Riley are straight up rocking some suits.  Miz says that he’s the most must see champion in company history while Cena is played out.  The champion confirms the 40 man aspect of the Rumble.  He says that whoever wins the Rumble, they shouldn’t come after him because if they do they’ll suffer the same fate as Orton will in two weeks.

This draws a golf clap and an overly dramatic repetition of the phrase “You will lose” ala Ivan Drago.  As if on cue, Cena does a Rocky impression and says if they can change then everybody can change.  He points out that if not for Cole then Lawler would be champion and if not for Riley then Orton would be.  Cena says that they’re like a more feminine version of the Kardashians.

The only battle that The Miz has is with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which means his body makes poop noises.  “It’s PG folks, I’m doing the best I can.”  Well at least he acknowledges it.  Cena talks about how Miz is afraid to fight.  Miz objects and says there is no doubt that he can outwrestle the greatest technicians in WWE history.  He can beat Kurt Angle?  Miz sets for his catchphrase but instead says he will finish that sentence when he destroys Randy Orton.

Miz is getting booed out of the building here.  But I thought the internet decided he was a failure the second he won the title!  HOW CAN THIS BE???  Cena says if Miz is champion let’s see him do something to prove it and gets ready to fight.  Here comes Punk and Nexus, which is now the New Nexus.  Wow that name sucks.  It’s Punk, Otunga, Harris and McGillicutty here.

Punk says the odds are against Cena for the Rumble, partially because all of Nexus is in the Rumble too.  The only purpose of the New Nexus being in the Rumble is to get Punk the win.  I like the whole just flat out saying it’s all about Punk.  Why lie about it?  Nexus minus Punk comes to the ring and Cena is in trouble.  It’s….Santino and Kozlov out for the save???  Nexus retreats and Punk says let’s try it with these odds and all four come to the ring.

E-Mail stops that though.  Miz and Riley have bailed by the way.  The GM wants to know the odds of Punk winning if Nexus is barred from ringside.  If any Nexus member is involved they’re out of the Rumble.  That announcement takes us to a break.  Tag titles up next.

Also Ziggler vs. Orton tonight.  They’re really pushing Dolph strong and I like it.

Tag Titles: Usos vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

We get big match intros for both teams but both were in the ring when we started.  Impressive what something like that can do for a match.  Santino and I think Jey start us off and Santino is in trouble early.  This was the match that was supposed to happen last week but Nexus beat down the champions.  Nice to see them tie up a tiny loose end like that for a change.

Basic formula match so far with Santino getting beaten down for a bit before he makes the lukewarm tag to the Russian dude.  He destroys the guy that we’ll call Jimmy (does it really matter though?).  Apparently it was Jimmy who is covered after a headbutt for two.  Jey is sent to the floor and in comes Santino.  Cobra ends Jimmy at 2:33.  Short and not bad but not enough for a regular rating.  Tamina has nice legs surprisingly enough.

Nexus minus Punk is bickering in the back and say they need to do something.  Punk appears with a downright creepy smile on his face.  He looks at all of them (complete with the bad looking eye from the incident at a house show over the weekend) and doesn’t seem upset at all about having to be alone tonight.

Morrison walks up to Bryan who has both very good looking Bellas with him and shakes his head.  They go at it next.

John Morrison vs. Daniel Bryan

Nice pop for Morrison.  During Morrison entrance we get a highlight package of his best stuff and his high spots really are rather impressive.  Bellas looking incredible in cut off t-shirts and tight black pants.  They do some nice counters for a wristlock and arm work to start us off.  Bryan gets a suplex/takeover to get control.

Nice to see guys that are young and considered midcarders only getting a chance like this.  They both hit the floor for a second and it’s a standoff back in the ring as we take a break.  Back with Morrison holding a headlock on Bryan.  Russian legsweep and Morrison sets for Starship Pain.  It would have been on target but Bryan moved.  Morrison is now the Prince of Parkour according to Cole.

A big kick to the head gets two for Bryan and the fans pop for the kickout.  Both try cross bodies and they crash sending both of them down.  They slug it out and neither guy can take over.  Morrison counters a German and it’s an pld school pinfall reversal sequence.  Morrison counters but his counter is counteres almost into the LeBell Lock.  Morrison counters and gets a slingshot into the corner.  Flash Kick takes Bryan down and there’s the running knee for the clean pin at 7:25.  Very fun match.

Rating: B. This was a very fun and entertaining match.  It wasn’t the most technically sound but at times that’s ok.  They played up the both guys are evenly matched aspect very well here and the whole thing came off as fast paced and entertaining.  Morrison’s push continues with another big win.  It’s nice for them to pick someone and stick with him and the pops seem to prove the idea correct.

They shake hands post match and it’s a nice sign of respect.  It’s also a Shameful Thing as here’s King Sheamus.  He says he made Morrison and can destroy both him and Bryan.  All three are going to be in the Rumble and Sheamus says he’s going to eliminate both of them.  LONG LIVE THE KING!

Stand Up For WWE won some Mashable Awards for best campaign or something like that.

The Bellas lust over Morrison but both are trying to be Daniel Bryan’s first.  They make a bet about it of some sort.  NOT PG!!!  NOT PG!!!  THAT IS NOT PG!!!  I can’t handle this!  I suddenly want to commit sins and ruin my entire life!  HOW DO I HANDLE THIS?????  This was kind of a heelish promo and implies they’re playing Bryan for a fool.

Here’s Vickie to introduce Ziggler.  Great heat on her to say the least.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton

Orton gets a big reaction from this white hot crowd.  We take a break and the bell is next.  Back with Ziggler taking Orton into the corner and pounding him down to start.  Orton with a Thesz Press and right hands as they’re not even trying to hide the Austin stuff anymore.  It’s down to the chinlock now with Orton firmly in control to start us off.  Ziggler fights back a bit but the power of the Viper is too much and the beating continues.

Dolph gets Orton down and hooks onto the leg.  Big old RKO chant as this crowd is impressive.  Orton fights him off again and unleashes the clothesline.  The powerslam (read a book Cole) puts Ziggler on the apron for the elevated DDT.  It’s patented apparently.  I want to see the paperwork.  Dolph gets out of it though by moving his legs and drills Orton in his injured leg.

Fameasser gets two.  Ziggler gets the sleeper on but Orton is a main event face so he’s immune to it.  When’s the last time that move won a match?  Zig Zag is countered once and then the second is countered into what was allegedly an RKO but it looked more like Ziggler just landed on Orton’s chest.  Either way it gets the pin at 8:30.

Rating: C. The ending hurts it as it didn’t look good and the leg work didn’t go anywhere.  I guess it’s to set up the PPV match and give Orton a handicap.  This was an ok match but I was expecting more from Ziggler.  Could it be that Orton is just average in the ring?  That may have something to do with it.  Not bad but nothing special.

Post match and I mean almost as soon as the bell rings here are Miz and Riley for the beatdown.  They go after the knee and take out Lawler who tries for the save.  Nice to see an announcer actually try to do something for once.  Orton’s back is rammed into the post and Miz gets in some more stomps.

Miz says pick him up because they’re not done yet.  They throw Orton into the barricade which more or less explodes.  They really should look into that.  You can hear the director saying to keep the camera on Miz.  Miz grabs a mic and does the catchphrase in the unconscious face of Orton.  Cool beatdown and makes Miz look intense.

In the back Punk is talking to the Nexus about faith.  He gets almost into a sermon about how to gain what you want you have to sacrifice.  I have no idea what he’s talking about with his stuff about manbeasts and all that jazz.  They bow their heads and that’s all there is to it.  Ok then.

Maryse vs. Natalya

Cole has Eve and Melina on commentary with him here.  Melina can’t answer what her issue is with Natalya.  She’s been #1 contender for what, a month now?  Natalya gets her down and Melina still won’t talk.  Eve doesn’t seem to like Cole which is kind of funny.  Maryse has apparently been giving the other Divas beauty tips.  Sharpshooter ends this in 1:40.  Total nothing match.

Post match Maryse GOES OFF on Cole and Eve shoves her and leaves.  Maryse keeps going off on him until DiBiase comes out.  She shouts at him too and calls him a loser that can’t win the Rumble.  He grabs a mic and asks the crowd if he can.  He says he’ll throw anyone over the top right now and he issues an over the top rope challenge as we take a break.

Back and naturally Mark Henry takes the challenge.

Is anyone surprised it’s Henry?  Remember it’s an over the top challenge.  And it’s over in 30 seconds with Henry winning.  Tatsu, Kidd and Regal all run out.  I’m not calling this an official match.  Every jobber on the roster runs out and it’s turning into kind of a battle royal.  Young, Primo, David Hart-Smith and even R-Truth is out there.  Truth is by far the biggest name in this.  Ryder out there too.

Henry holds up Ryder and here’s Sheamus.  Henry throws him over but he holds on.  Lawler is back on commentary.  Henry throws him out.  Cole was calling this like an actual match once everyone ran in.  Henry’s music plays and here comes Alberto!  He’s in a suit and is cutting a promo about how this is his destiny to go on to the biggest show of them all and all that jazz.  Henry goes after him and Del Rip winks at him to end this.  Not calling a 30 second toss over the top thing a match.  Fun segment though.

Back with Derrick Bateman doing something like an informercial for World’s Strongest Man’s cologne.  It’s made from Henry’s sweat apparently.  Bateman sprays some of it and looks like he’s getting sick.  A voiceover gives a bunch of health warnings over it.  I have no idea what the point of this was at all.

We get the Rumble numbers package which I always love.

40 participants

24 winners

656 entrants

39 eliminations for Shawn, a record

26 Hall of Famers in the match

183,932 pounds in total, equal to 409 Big Shows

2 women in the Rumble, including Beth who eliminated Khali

11 eliminations by Kane in one Rumble

62:12 is Rey’s record for length in the Rumble which is a lie if you believe the 92 Rumble’s commentary

1 second is the record for fastest time for an elimination

3 is the most wins by a single man, in this case Austin

1 is the worst number but it has produced the most winners as the #30 spot (Shawn and a guy not listed who would be Benoit)

70 which is the percent of winners that have won the title at Mania

Music video about the Rumble follows.

We talk about the Rumble and also are told that next week it’s Edge vs. Miz.  Amazing what happens to the ratings when you announce main events a week in advance: more people seem to watch.

Cena vs. Punk next.  Cena is coming to the ring and steals a phone (which looks like it’s from the early 90s) and says the guy will call him back and hangs up.  Ok then.

CM Punk vs. John Cena

Nexus comes out with Punk but walks back after Punk’s entrance.  They stare each other down to start and the fight is on.  Cena gets the bulldog and hammers away.  Punk is reeling early on.  Cena dominates for awhile until Cena ducks his head and Punk gets a HARD kick to the shoulder.  Baseball slide puts Cena on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Cena in a modified triangle choke (I know nothing about MMA so that could be entirely wrong).  He fights up but gets caught in a DDT and back to the same hold.  Cena gets up again and starts his ending sequence.  Punk gets a leg lariat to stop him though and gets the corner clothesline and bulldog for two.

Attempt at the GTS but Cena grabs the leg and goes into the STF.  Cole looks like he’s giving head to the table while he’s shouting so much.  Punk grabs the rope and both men are down.  FU is blocked and Punk gets his springboard clothesline for two.  Punk gets a Downward Spiral and stays on the mat to pull his leg around the throat of Cena in a choke which is called the Anaconda Vice, which it definitely isn’t.  After a close call he gets the rope.

A big boot puts Cena on the floor.  Punk tries a tope but Cena catches him in mid air and rams him into the post.  Cena looks to fly but Punk catches him with a right hand.  Punk tries a suplex but Cena shoves him off.  The top rope legdrop gets two and here comes….some very large man.  He looks like Batista to the point where I’d believe they were related.

The guy stares down Punk in the ring and Punk smiles.  WWE security is awful by the way.  I think this might be Mason Ryan, the FCW dude.  Punk holds his arms up in a cross and lets the guy kick him in the head for the DQ at approximately 15:00.  He hits Cena with a modified Rock Bottom as Nexus runs out to defend Punk but he says step aside.  The big guy takes a knee to Punk and does the salute.  Punk takes a Nexus band off his ankle or out of his shoe and puts it on the guy, making him the newest member.

Rating: B-. This match got borderline epic a few times.  The kickouts and false finishes were all great and I like that there wasn’t a definitive ending.  Neither guy was dominating as the match ended which shows that Punk can in fact hang with Cena and maybe even beat him.  Adding an enforcer is a good thing too, making this a good ending to the show.

They do the salute and AGAIN we hear the director saying where to keep the camera.  A shot of them ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show for the most part.  They set up for the Rumble and we had some good matches in there also.  Nothing great mind you but still good stuff.  Cena vs. Nexus has a new wrinkle now and we didn’t see a definitive ending.  I like where they’re going with this and the crossovers help the build for the Rumble.  Good show tonight but not great by any stretch of the imagination.

Results

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov b. The Usos – Cobra to Jey

John Morrison b. Daniel Bryan – Running knee to the head

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO

Natalya b. Maryse – Sharpshooter

CM Punk b. John Cena via DQ when a man interfered

Seems appropriate around this time of the very new year.

New Year’s Revolution 2006
Date: January 8, 2006
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman

Ok, so quite a bit has changed in the last year or so. Cena is now the Raw Champion and yet again the main event here is the Elimination Chamber, which is fine as they’re just bringing it out once a year to kick it off in some style so I can’t complain on that front. Anyway, other than Cena against five fairly weak challengers, the other things on the card are Big Show vs. HHH which actually is intriguing and…uh…actually never mind. There’s nothing else worth mentioning at all on here. Let’s get to this.

The video is of course all about the Chamber as you would expect of it. Joey’s voice here is either great or terrible and I’m not sure which.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Ric Flair

Edge has the MITB at the moment and Flair has the title. Flair being the IC Champion was kind of a cool thing as he never held the belt before. He also brought some prestige to the belt which it was sorely lacking. Now I don’t know how smart it is to have a guy pushing 60 holding the midcard title, but Flair was still almost bearable in the ring at this point so it’s ok I guess.

This is going on as Flair had legitimately had a road rage incident and Edge did a hilarious parody of it. At this point Flair’s personal life was such a wreck because of a nasty divorce that he more or less was staying in the ring to pay his bills. This is your run of the mill Flair match here as Edge beats him up for a good while and works on his back, as it certainly has never healed at all in over 30 years.

Since I can more or less call the next few spots, I randomly start singing Trish’s theme song. Flair has so much charisma it’s scary. And Flair puts the figure four on Lita for no apparent reason, making Edge hit him with the case for the DQ. Well that came out of nowhere. At least the ending makes sense a bit as he’s protecting Lita. Flair bleeds. No need for the case here as a stiff glare could crack his head open.

Rating: C-. Standard Flair match here and while the ending is a bit odd, it’ll make sense in a little while and if you’re not familiar with that, you’ll find out soon enough. It looks like tomato soup on Flair which is just stupid but whatever. Not a terrible match as it was more or less acceptable.

Angle, a heel here, says he wants America to lose the war in Iraq. Well he’s 1 for 1. He says he likes France, doesn’t like black people, and he wants to go back in time and make Jesus tap out. Apparently no matter what he says people will cheer for him because he’s so awesome. That’s clever actually.

Flair is STILL being taken out. I’d hate to see what chicken noodle would do. Apparently if you put your hands on Lita, you pay. Dang that must be a poor locker room.

Recap of Mickie vs. Trish. Mickie was still insane and they would feud over the title for a good while, including at Backlash 2006 which I attended. Mickie beat Victoria for this shot. She was about to go nuts and heel at the same time after kissing Trish. It was interesting if nothing else.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

This is a weird match as Mickie is acting all honored to be in there and Trish is creeped out and annoyed by it. It’s a nice bit of storytelling that you rarely get in a lot of wrestling today, especially women’s wrestling. Trish does kind of a baseball slide and misses to let Mickie take over. James is WAY over here also as her character really was great. It’s weird as Mickie James is on Smackdown at the moment and she looks so different now and then.

She’s fat now? She looks about the same, but she’s wearing skirts here and jeans on Smackdown, that’s about it. This is more of a psychological match instead of based on wrestling which while hard to do can indeed work. Mickie hits the Stratusfaction as I’m liking the thinking of the match. Trish hits the Chick Kick out of nowhere for the pin. That’s a bit anticlimactic but it was good so I’ll take it.

Rating: C+. Not everyone is going to like this match as it’s not your standard match. They were going more for psychology and character development here and I’d say it was certainly a success. Fun match but this was really just a piece to the puzzle if that makes sense.

Maria interviews herself about the bra and panties gauntlet. She’s the ditzy blonde here so it’s a bit different but charming to an extent. Gregory Helms shows up to cut her off and he’s about as awesome as he’s ever been here as the ridiculously cocky heel.

Shelton Benjamin and his mother are here. This was somewhere between brilliant, hilarious and freaking stupid.

Edge doesn’t want to answer internet questions. He has Lita do it instead.

Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD ad. This went about as ridiculously far into unfairness as you could possibly go as they bury this guy harder than they do anyone I’ve ever seen.

Jerry Lawler vs. Gregory Helms

This is more or less the same thing that they did with Hassan last year as they were just giving Helms this to get him over as a cruiserweight trying to fight heavyweight guys. Apparently Lawler said Helms sucked and he got slapped or vice versa, and I think it was the original. I love how Coach tries to act like he means something. The idea worked as I want to smack him already but then again I always do.

Helms is mostly dominating here so at least they’ve got that working right. In a funny line, Coach says he isn’t sure which chin Helms is grabbing. Helms pulls a Rock and does his own commentary in the match as this is going a bit long. Uh oh it’s strap time and here comes Lawler.

They say his fists are moving like pistons. That’s just amusing in general. Lawler shouts out piledriver and somehow Helms counters it. I wonder how he figured out what to do? And Lawler hits the middle rope punch….FOR THE PIN??? WHAT IN THE FLYING HECK WAS THAT???

Rating: F. Seriously, there is ZERO justification to put Lawler over clean here as this isn’t in Memphis. No way is this ok at all. This was a failure plain and simple. Not from a wrestling perspective but from a booking and thinking one.

Lita leaves the internet place and runs into Trish. Mickie follows her in and she has no issue with losing and is now implying she wants lesbian sex with Trish.

Mama Benjamin is at catering and says this won’t do. She bends over (she weighs probably 400lbs) and Viscera’s music starts up. He likes what he sees and thrusts his lower guy at her and then at the camera. Apparently his music and lights just follow him around and apparently she doesn’t notice any of this at all. Yeah this is dumb.

Quick recap of HHH vs. Big Show, which more or less is that HHH came back from an injury and turned on Flair which ticked off Show who fought him and then cost him a spot in the Chamber tonight. HHH broke Show’s hand, leading to this.

HHH vs. Big Show

I like this actually. It’s not something that’s been beaten to death and it has a bit of potential. That being said it’s likely to suck but what are you going to do? Show has a huge cast on his hand. We get a huge stall to start. You have to say huge in any match either of these guys have. Show is actually moving a bit here which is helping a lot. When he’s motivated he’s rather entertaining to watch although it has to be in doses.

Show is dominating here early on. HHH has had no offense about three minutes in. And then Show punches the post with the cast and HHH is suddenly fine. He’s really bad about that. He at least uses some psychology and works on the hand. And there goes the cast. Well at least they got it off early. It’s kind of basic but a lot of the time that’s all you need to do.

Another important thing to note here about it: HHH is mixing things up with strikes and holds. That’s a major perk as otherwise it just isn’t as interesting. Show makes his comeback to get us to even but misses a punch and knocks the referee out cold. Great looking shot there.

The hammer comes in but a chop goes through it. More or less it’s nothing but HHH using weapons on the hand now and Show fighting as hard as he can (ok not really but work with me here) to stay alive in this. A half sledgehammer shot to the head and a bad Pedigree ends this.

Rating: D. This started off as pretty good and then just fell off a cliff. The last 6 minutes of this or so are just freaking bad and there’s no other way to put it. This was like watching two matches and at the end you just wanted it to end. If you take four minutes or so out of this, it’s an easy C at minimum. Started out great, then just went to heck, which is a shame.

Coach and Styles could not have less chemistry if their lived depended on it.

And let’s have two minutes of replays to affirm that HHH is in fact, awesome (allegedly).

Masters is getting ready and Carlito comes up. They’re both in the main event tonight for no explainable reason. This goes nowhere.

Ad for the Rumble.

Lawler is back.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Viscera

Holy filler Batman! Something tells me this is going to suck and it’s going to suck hard. This is just boring beyond belief. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? Shelton is more or less powerless to do anything with this second rate Mark Henry, and that’s saying A LOT. His mother promises him a sweet potato pie for a win.

Do you see what I do for you freaking people??? She yells the entire match too and talks about getting the belt etc. Is this supposed to be funny? SHUT UP WOMAN! This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. This is one of those angles that is only to amuse Vince and nothing more. She hits Viscera with the purse and he hits a spin kick to get the win.

Rating: S. As in the stiff drink that I want. This is easily the most ridiculous and annoying thing that I have ever seen on a wrestling show. It wasn’t funny at all but they kept this up for months. THANK GOD he turned heel soon after this and this idiocy ended.

Vince wishes Shawn good luck and Shawn lists off his accomplishments which really are rather impressive. This was the beginning of Shawn vs. Vince that wound up running all summer with DX reuniting.

Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match

It’s exactly what it sounds like and it will be just as worthless as you can imagine. The only good thing here is Lillian in a tied off jersey top. I have a thing for jerseys on women and more or less it’s a bikini top made of one. In short, she’s hotter than should be legally allowed. This is just a bra and panties match but then another comes out and they keep going. Candice and Maria starts.

Candice is about to be in Playboy here. Maria wins. Torrie is next. Notice a trend here: they’ve all been in Playboy and most of them can’t wrestle to save their lives. Maria puts Torrie out. Victoria is next and she puts Maria out. And here’s Moolah and Mae as I want to shoot this show. Ashley winds up winning and of course strips anyway.

Rating: N/A. Give me wrestling please. It’s what you advertised.

Shelton and his mother again make me want to shoot someone.

We recap the Chamber and it’s just the main Raw guys other than Show and HHH in the Chamber after qualifying matches.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

Naturally it takes forever to get to this match but less time than last year which is at least a plus. Cena of course gets a lot of boos. This wasn’t even the most hated that he would ever get. He starts with Shawn. Cena isn’t ready to do that yet so this is nowhere near what it sounds like. Just 18 minutes between the ending of the last “match” and the bell in this one. The fans are ALL OVER Cena here.

The Chamber really does look awesome to say the least. Cena can sell really well. Kane comes in last due to winning a Beat the Clock Challenge. He’s the odds on favorite. That’s most amusing. In third is Carlito. He means nothing at this point either and no one really knew why he was in this. Nothing at all happens here other than some potential alliances. Finally Angle comes in to wake the crowd the up by suplexing the living tar out of everyone in the match.

Styles saying Angle is all impact amuses me. I mean he must throw everyone 4-5 times each. I have never seen anyone wake a match up like Angle did. Shawn is busted after being thrown into one of the cells. Good night Angle throws a pretty suplex. I mean Angle is just completely dominating. He gets the ankle lock on Shawn and then on Carlito. Masters finally comes in for the save. We’ve fought 15 minutes or so at this point and look at how little I’ve had to say.

Masters comes in and takes an ankle lock. Cena makes a save for no apparent reason and goes for the FU but Angle reverses into ANOTHER ankle lock. He’s just on freaking fire tonight. And then Shawn kicks him in the head and pins him. Yeah seriously, that’s how they get rid of him. Give me a freaking break. Ok it’s not that bad but I hate the out of nowhere ones like that.

You can tell they’re just killing time at this point as nothing at all is happening. Kane comes in so they’re all in now. I seriously couldn’t care less. This thing is boring as any and all goodness. After some brief domination, Kane chokeslams everyone but like an idiot never covers them. Carlito and Masters double team him and amazingly…it works. They do a double DDT and then a press slam of Carlito onto Kane.

At this point, it becomes somewhat clear how this is going to end and it gets dumber and dumber every second. Oh I forgot to mention that Shawn is bleeding. The problem with this match: Carlito and Chris Masters are dominating. Still, this is better than the Extreme Elimination Chamber as Shawn and Cena are at least major star power. Four of the six here were legit title guys and Carlito and Masters were solid midcard heels at the time, so it’s forgivable.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s freaking dumb and it’s very bad, but it could be worse. The other four being awesome balances it out a lot. Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music on Cena and Carlito hits a rolling cutter (Cody Rhodes’ finisher) on Shawn to pin him. Yes, the final three are Carlito, Masters and Cena. This is freaking stupid. No one bought Cena losing for a second.

I was reading WZ and was on AIM at the same time with a girl I knew who was a Cena fan and was telling her what was going on. She went to bed at this point as it was obvious to even her, a mark, that this was ending with Cena winning. The fans are now cheering for Cena as they see the alternatives. That’s rather funny. So they double team him for about 5 minutes until the Masterlock is put on. Carlito low blows Masters and rolls him up before getting rolled up by Cena to win the match.

Rating: D. Seriously, Masters and Carlito? This is short because literally the second the match ends, Vince’s music starts playing and it becomes clear what’s going on and why the Chamber sucking means nothing, so I won’t bother going into detail on it.

Vince says the show isn’t over yet and you can hear the crowd pop like a cherry over it. He has the cage raised up. And he says that while Cena did a great job, his night is not over yet, as Edge is cashing in his Money in the Bank contract and the match is NOW.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Cena is more or less dead and can’t even stand up. This is less than two minutes as Edge hits a pair of spears to win the title in a TOTAL shock.

Rating: A. I know I rarely grade matches this short, but this was absolutely brilliant. I mean NO ONE saw this coming and we all thought it was just Cena wins again and no one cares. This was legitimately shocking and it made the show ending awesome. Loved this and it’s one of the best moments of the modern era.

Overall Rating: D+. Again, this show just isn’t that good. The brand split shows were almost always awful because they have to have stuff like Viscera vs. Shelton for no reason whatsoever and no one cared but because they had 3 hours to fill and Vince was so obsessed on the stupid split looking legit and everything that the fans got screwed over for nearly 5 years.

Flair vs. Edge and the whole ending sequence are I guess worth seeing, although the main event should really be watched if you haven’t seen it before as it’s not great at all but since it’s the Elimination Chamber and not the Extreme version it’s worth a one off look I guess. Overall though, this show just isn’t very good as it felt like a Raw with more of a budget.

This would thankfully end before too long but DANG man, this was just painful every month that wasn’t a big show. Not an awful show but just not that good. Better than last year by far though, even though I think I graded them the same. If nothing else, watch the Chamber through the end just for the crowd. I have never heard a crowd turn back and forth so much in 40 minutes in my life as a fan. Other than that, not worth it.

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 27, 2010
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

First and foremost I hope everyone had a safe and Merry Christmas. Tonight is another edition of Raw and in this case it’s the final show of the year. We’re on the road to the Rumble which then merges with the Road to Wrestlemania. Tonight we’ll see what’s next for Punk vs. Cena which has me very interested indeed. With that being said, let’s get to it.

There’s a Smackdown house show tonight in Pittsburgh. Nice job guys. Make sure that however many thousand people going to that can’t watch Raw.

Well if nothing else the voiceover guy has promised me a great main event tonight so there’s that to look forward to.

Theme song opens us up which I don’t recall them doing lately.

Cena is here to open the show and remember he is LIBERATED now. He talks about how it’s odd that every time someone comes down the ramp they always grab a microphone and just talk about what happened last week. Tonight, he’s going to do the exact same thing. As always he acknowledges the fans that boo him which is rather refreshing. We get a clip of Punk destroying Cena with the chair and starting what could be a very awesome feud.

He talks about how in his relentless pursuit of Nexus he did in fact, accidentally spill Punk’s diet soda. Cena apologizes for costing Punk .75 or 1.25 in select vending machines. The soda can’t be replaced but he can give Punk a chance to come out here and air his grievances. Cue Killswitch Engaged and here’s Punk.

CM says that the Cena we get isn’t the real one as Cena is dishonest. Punk says this is beyond a diet soda. Oh man this is about to get intense. I mean, BEYOND A DIET SODA??? It goes like this I believe: a slap in the face, a murder, economic collapse, diet soda. Beyond that is hard to say. Punk talks about how Cena’s word means nothing as he said he was going back to Massachusetts but he was back that night. And then back the next week, and the next week and the next week.

And then we get to TLC, where Cena dropped 15 chairs on Barrett after winning. Cena calls that Balderdash (fun game actually) because it was 22 steel chairs. Cena says that after all the beatdowns Cena had taken from Nexus and being their slave and all that jazz, it was rather justified. Punk brings up making Batista quit after beating him at Over the Limit which Cena says was on his own choice and after Batista broke Cena’s neck, which is true to a degree.

Punk says this is all about making fun of people and how he always insults people that don’t deserve it all the time. Cena claims he has done that for 8 years and makes fun of everyone. This is going very fast and is hard to keep up with but it’s going very well so far. Punk says those two attacks last week were warning shots but this is going to stop.

Cena says nothing is going to stop and is all like bring it on. Punk says this is his show and tonight he’s going to call out Cena. There’s a real surprise later tonight and it’s something Cena is never going to forget. Punk says Happy New Year and salutes as he leaves. I’m intrigued now.

Orton vs. Sheamus and Miz vs. Lawler later, non title.

Ted DiBiase vs. Santino Marella

Wow DiBiase has fallen a good bit this year. DiBiase gets his following clothesline for two early on. Lawler blames Maryse for the losses that DiBiase has had recently. DiBiase misses a dropkick and Santino rolls him up to win this in a minute flat. This isn’t a surprise somehow.

Santino presents Tamina with her gift, and it’s a cobra. Better than a snake in a box I guess. Maryse and Ted jump them so Tamina and Santino hit matching salute splashes and Cobras to clear the ring. I use the term hit loosely in her case.

Miz tells Riley that he’s going to teach Morrison a lesson tonight. Miz says not to win but destroy him. Lawler is going to beg for mercy tonight too. Morrison pops up and says if he beats Riley, he gets to pick the stipulation and the date of their title match. If Riley wins then Morrison loses his #1 contender spot. Miz says deal.

John Morrison vs. Alex Riley

After a break we’re ready to go. During the break there was an e-mail and the stipulations are confirmed. Miz is up on the apron as Morrison hits a Russian leg sweep for two. Riley takes over after a distraction from Miz and hammers away for a bit. Morrison makes the standard comeback but Miz grabs his foot on the Flash Kick and gets thrown out. Riley gets a rollup for two but Morrison gets the Flash Kick and running knee to end this in approximately 4:30.

Rating: C. Basic match but it did the job it was supposed to. Morrison gets a win he’s supposed to and Riley loses a match he’s supposed to. Nothing special about it but nothing bad about it either. The rating of average is about as perfect as it could be right here.

Morrison goes over to Lawler and says the title match is NEXT WEEK and it’s falls count anywhere. All of a sudden I’m not sure how secure Miz’s title reign is as that could mean a quick Morrison run for the title switch again at the Rumble.

Back from a break Miz yells at Riley who yells back.

Punk talks to a cameraman and says he needs to make sure that every shot is perfect tonight, even moreso than Snooki on New Year’s Eve. Dang it.

Bryan is with the Bellas who are talking about Christmas when Kidd comes in. He talks about how he’s going to be the next US Champion and that you should watch his match with Mark Henry later.

Josh talks to Orton who says that he’s going to be champion again and tonight the reign of Sheamus ends. Nothing special here at all.

Mark Henry vs. Tyson Kidd

Jackson Andrews is the bodyguard of Kidd and is here with him. Henry tries a flying Rikishi drop but can’t hit it. Kidd, with hair growing in now, takes control for a little bit but tries to charge at him and runs into the World’s Strongest Slam to end this at about 2:15. Well that was abrupt. Post match Andrews comes in and we have a showdown. Henry hits Andrews with the Slam as well.

Miz vs. Lawler later still. That hasn’t changed in the last 40 minutes.

The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler

Cole is joined by Matthews on commentary here. That might explain Lawler being in the ring so often: getting Matthews in his spot and making him more familiar. Before this starts Miz talks about how awesome he is and how he is a master of the science of professional wrestling. He yells at the audience to stop talking while he is, drawing loud boos. Why mess with the classics I suppose.

Lawler is in a WWE shirt and regular pants because his luggage was lost in a storm. Miz shows off to start including walking on Lawler’s back. Lawler fights back with his vast array of offense including shoulders and punches. We keep getting quick shots of Riley which makes me think shenanigans are up, especially with the title match looming. Miz locks on the chinlock as we talk about the TLC match. Matthews finally tells Cole to shut up. The blowoff of Cole being a jerk is going to be epic beyond words.

Miz is taking time to get through with Lawler as another sign points to s surprise ending. Miz rakes the eyes and Lawler is more or less just taking a beating. Cole says he’s uncomfortable watching this as Lawler is taking too much of a beating. Lawler is standing in the corner and Morrison comes out. Lawler takes a clothesline in the corner and starts dodging. He looks pretty bad here but it’s time to fight. No strap to pull down though.

Lawler hammers away with lefts and rights. Dropkick takes Miz down as do two more. The crowd is back into this now. Miz reverses a slam and puts him in the corner. The running clothesline Mizes (anybody? Anybody at all?) but Miz gets a clothesline over the top rope. Lawler knocks him off the top and Miz’s head hits the steps. FREAKING OW MAN! Riley gets on the apron but Morrison uses the distraction to drill Miz with the knee. LAWLER WINS BY COUNTOUT!!! Match ran about 9:45.

Rating: C. This was exactly what it was supposed to be. Miz beat the heck out of Lawler. Lawler stayed in this just long enough to survive, and Morrison is in Miz’s head for the title match next week. The quality wasn’t great of course but it wasn’t supposed to be. This was what it was supposed to be: furthering of the Miz vs. Morrison rivalry. And let the people saying I’m crazy and biased begin.

Sheamus is looking at his crown when Punk comes up to him. Punk talks about how Cena has disrespected him time after time and how he’s been on the receiving end of Cena’s insults over the last year. He’s right too.

Eve Torres/Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox/Melina

Alicia has red hair now. She and Eve start us off. Lawler is back on commentary and Natalya is a guest for this match. Cole tag off to Gail as the crowd isn’t seeming to care. Everything breaks down and Melina hits the Sunset Split to beat Gail in approximately 2:00. Natalya slaps Melina post match. No rating as this was simply to get Melina over a bit more. Love that jet black hair.

Punk talks to the trainers, saying that they need to be ready for Cena tonight. Actually scratch that as trainers won’t be enough as we need EMTs. I want to know what’s coming now.

Zach Ryder vs. Daniel Bryan

We come back with this already in progress. The Bellas are with Bryan of course. Ryder gets basic offense going but taps out in a little over a minute shown to the LeBell Lock. The Bellas come in to celebrate and we get an E-Mail. This coming year is going to be the best ever…MIZ ATTACKS LAWLER! Miz runs in and destroys Lawler as Cole is reading, ramming him into the barricade and leaving him laying. Skull Crushing Finale to the floor leaves Lawler laying. I guess Bryan just kind of left. If Matthews is coming in to the broadcast team full time, there’s his door.

Back from a break and Cole is concerned. Josh doesn’t believe him.

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

BIG pop for Orton. Orton controls early for the most part with all of his basic stuff. The7 color difference is striking here as Orton is almost orange and Sheamus is almost clear. Elevated DDT is countered and Orton fires away. Sheamus hits the floor and rams Orton’s head into the post. Orton may be bleeding from the back a bit. Sheamus goes aerial with a flying shoulder block for two as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus holding a modified crossface chickenwing on Orton. Sheamus hammers away for a few minutes with big forearm shots and clubbing blows that get him nowhere. He charges in the corner but his shoulder hits the post. Orton gets a suplex with one foot on the top rope and one on the middle rope for a close two. Mild boo/yay as they slug it out. Orton gets the Angle Slam for two. Sheamus is almost the same color as the mat.

RKO is blocked and reversed into the Irish Curse Backbreaker for two. Brogue Kick is ducked and another RKO attempt fails as Sheamus takes his head off with an axehandle. Here comes the High Cross but Orton reverses into the backbreaker. Sheamus avoids the third RKO and heads outside. He sets for another shoulder block but jumps into the RKO to end it at 14:15. Oh sweet merciful psychology how I love you!

Rating: C-. Dull match throughout but the ending was sweet. Orton had gotten caught by that very move but knew it was coming this time and caught Sheamus with the RKO this time. That is what you call psychology in a match. Orton learned as he went and incorporated it into the ending. Perfectly done.

Cena is on his way to the ring.

Ad for the Heenan DVD which should be a definite pickup.

Back from a break with Cena. He’s all ticked off and calling Punk CM Sucks. Punk’s music hits but there’s no Punk. Cena says he’ll go get them himself. Instead he gets…..Nexus? Minus Barrett but it’s still Nexus. Otunga does the talking as usual. Cena got them as he said he would so now Nexus is under new management. Otunga wants to offer Cena a truce.

Cena grabs the mic and says he’d shake Otunga’s hand if he believed a word he says, which he doesn’t. Otunga is a slimy worm of a man it seems. No truce, no moving forward. Otunga can leave or the fight is on. Otunga leaves and lwalks away with Nexus but they turn and charge the ring to beat down Cena. Everyone hits their finishers on him as Cole says Otunga is the new leader. Yeah…you’re a stupid man Cole.

Nexus leaves and here’s Punk of course. He comes to the ring where Cena has been left laying and hits GTS. Nice one too as the knee caught him square in the shoulder. Punk hits the floor and grabs a chair. He pulls it back but pauses and instead sits down in it. Punk picks up the Nexus armband that Otunga left in the ring and slips it on, revealing to everyone including the very stupid Cole that HE is the new leader of Nexus, not Otunga. He does the fist in the air to Nexus as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: B. The ending, while good, kind of came off as underwhelming. I missed the return of Nexus line that was apparently said at some point earlier in the show so this was more surprising to me. Once Otunga said the new management line it was rather clear what was coming, but this sets up a brand new dynamic for the feud which I rather like. The show was solid and sets up a lot of new stuff for the new year, including a possible new champion. Good stuff but it could have used more wrestling for sure. See you next year.

Since the feud seems to now be over with the “burial” of Wade Barrett at TLC, are there any thoughts overall on the feud as a whole?