Royal Rumble 2019
Date: January 27, 2019
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 48,193
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s time to go back to the stadium with another major show. The Royal Rumble has changed a good bit in recent years as it is now another extended show with a pair of Royal Rumble matches instead of just one. No one is exactly jumping off the page as a favorite in either of them, though Becky Lynch is currently the most popular person in the company. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode/Chad Gable vs. Scott Dawson/Rezar

Non-title but if Dawson and Rezar (regular partners injured) win, the regular teams get a title shot each. And yes, this match was completely necessary as a last minute addition. The match is so awesome that a cameraman falls down during Roode and Gable’s entrance for the always fun camera shot. Drake Maverick is with Dawson and Rezar. Dawson’s headlock on Roode doesn’t get very far as Roode takes him into the corner for a monkey flip from Gable. Wilder wouldn’t have let that happen.

An exchange of near falls doesn’t go very far so Gable hits a springboard spinning crossbody for two. Dawson takes him down though and catapults Gable into a chokeslam to put the champs in trouble. Rezar chokes on the rope and Dawson grabs a northern lights suplex for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as it’s back to Rezar to keep knocking Gable around.

Dawson sends him into the ropes but they bang heads for a double knockdown. Rezar comes back in and tries another chokeslam but Gable reverses into an armbar over the ropes. That’s enough for the hot tag off to Roode, who hits a spinebuster on Dawson. Back up and Dawson dropkicks Rezar by mistake, leaving Roode to take a neckbreaker/moonsault combination for the pin at 6:55.

Rating: D+. This would be a textbook definition of a match that did not need to be added to the show and did nothing more than fill in time. As usual, that’s not a good idea and yet it keeps happening around here almost every show. I’m not sure how much of a point there was to having the makeshift tag team thrown out there to lose when Akam wasn’t going to be back for months. Nothing good here and a match that didn’t need to happen.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Nakamura is challenging and Lana is here with Rusev. Nakamura gets driven into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs and a suplex brings him right back out. They head outside but Nakamura gets in a running kick to the face off the steps, setting up the running knee to the jaw. Back in and Bad Vibrations into the running knee to the ribs gets two and we hit the front facelock. Rusev fights up and punches away, setting up the spinwheel kick for two.

Rating: C-. Just a little better than the opener but not all that much. Nakamura taking the title from Rusev just over a month into the title reign doesn’t exactly mean much, but that’s the case with so many of the midcard title changes around here. The match was a watchable enough power exchange but it still feels like a title change for the sake of a title change.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Hideo Itami vs. Kalisto vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Buddy Murphy

Murphy is defending, one fall to a finish, and Ariya Daivari is here with Itami. They circle each other for a bit until Itami rolls to the floor. That leaves the other three to trade rollups for two each until Murphy hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to drop Tozawa. Kalisto’s very springboardy hurricanrana is broken up as everything breaks down again. Kalisto tries a Cannonball off the apron but gets caught in Murphy’s suplex instead.

Itami gets back in and poses, meaning it’s time for the showdown with Murphy. The champ gets struck down in the corner and Itami demands respect as we can see his future going down the drain in a hurry. Murphy goes outside and tries to powerbomb Kalisto into the barricade, only to have Tozawa hit a suicide dive into Kalisto, which sends Murphy into the barricade for a crash. Itami throws Kalisto and Tozawa back inside so he can get two on each of them.

A Murphy distraction lets Kalisto kick Itami in the head and it’s a monkey flip to send Tozawa onto Murphy on the floor. Murphy comes back in and gets missile dropkicked by Tozawa, only to have Itami break up the top rope backsplash. Itami gets knocked to the outside though and Tozawa hits a suicide headbutt. Kalisto and Murphy follow with dives of their own with the champ getting the best of it.

Back in and Kalisto hits a hurricanrana driver for two on Murphy, who is right back up with a Liger Bomb for his own near fall. Tozawa scores with a reverse hurricanrana on Murphy but it’s Itami breaking that up. The Salida Del Sol gets two on Itami and everyone is down. A series of kicks puts everyone down again for a bit so Murphy knees Kalisto and Tozawa. Murphy slips out of whatever Itami’s spinning knee deal was (I STILL don’t get that one) and knees him down as well, setting up Murphy’s Law to retain at 12:06.

Rating: B-. Now that’s more like it with an action packed twelve minute match that actually felt like it mattered for a change. Or at least it felt like a match that had been set up more than thirty seconds before they came to the ring. Murphy continues to look like a star and it’s easy to see why he’s a much bigger deal just a year later.

The opening video looks at how important the Rumble is, with some great historical footage included. It has more history than any show not named Wrestlemania so it’s a smart move to go into that well. This switches into your regular opening video, which does its usual good job at looking at the rest of the card.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Asuka

Asuka is defending after taking the title from Becky in a TLC match at TLC, with Charlotte being included as well. Becky is on fire at this point and it’s a matter of time before she gets the big hero moment. They go with the aggressive lockup to start and that goes absolutely nowhere. Becky’s running shoulder earns her a running dropkick and a lot of shouting from the champ. Neither of them can get the arm so Asuka kicks her in the leg for two instead.

Becky is right back up with shots to the face and a kick to the ribs, followed by a running clothesline to sent Asuka to the floor. They switches places and you just don’t do that to Asuka, who scores with the running hip attack. Asuka heads outside as well and gets sent into the apron, only to send Becky into the post. The Bexploder sends Asuka into the barricade though and Becky is starting to seethe.

That means the aggressive stomping in the corner and the next of what is likely to be a bunch of armbars. That’s broken up so Becky avoids another hip attack and hammers away in the ropes. Asuka isn’t about to get beaten up though and pulls Becky into the Asuka Lock while still in the ropes. With that broken up, Becky fights out of the corner and grabs a Disarm-Her in the corner. That doesn’t last long either so Asuka knees her out of the air. Asuka strikes away but misses a missile dropkick so Becky can hit a Rock Bottom for two.

Back up again and they fight to the apron with Asuka hitting a fisherman’s neckbreaker to the floor and they’re both down. Asuka is in first and Becky beats the count, earning herself a basement dropkick to the head. They slug it out until Asuka kicks her head off for two. Asuka goes up so Becky stops her with a kick of her own and a super Bexploder gets a rather near fall as the crowd is staying right with them.

The middle rope legdrop misses though and Asuka catches her in a Disarm-Her. To keep up the same line of thinking, Becky gets her own Asuka Lock before switching to the Disarm-Her. Becky is too weak to get it on in full so Asuka rolls out and grabs the Asuka Lock and flips forward Cattle Mutilation style for the tag at 17:09.

Rating: B+. These two beat the heck out of each other and that finisher was the mega death version of the Asuka Lock. It’s really weird to see Becky lose though and it was even more surprising watching this live as Becky was the hottest thing around. Having her tap is a bit much, but sweet goodness would they get mileage out of that loss. The counters and different styles were awesome here though and it’s a near instant classic.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/The Miz vs. The Bar

The Bar is defending and Miz’s dad is in the front row. Miz and Shane are together because of the Best In The World tournament but Shane has agreed to be nice to him so they can succeed together. In other words, expect the Shane Show to continue. Shane spears Sheamus down at the bell and it’s time for an early breather. Miz comes in to roll Cesaro up for two but it’s way too early for the Skull Crushing Finale.

Sheamus grabs Miz from behind to hold him in the corner though and Cesaro scores with the running uppercut. A right hand knocks Shane to the floor so Miz kicks away to avenge his fallen partner. They all head outside with Miz having to be saved from a double powerbomb through the announcers’ table. It’s too early for the big elbow through the table so Shane hits a top rope clothesline on Sheamus instead.

Shane gets sent hard into the barricade and that should let him stay down and use up all the oxygen in the first three rows. Back in and Sheamus drops a knee on Miz before cranking on the arm. The ten forearms to the chest and a double suplex back in get two as Shane is back up onto the apron. Cesaro drops a middle rope ax handle for two and Sheamus comes back in to talk more trash.

Miz sends Sheamus to the floor though and a backdrop puts Cesaro down as well. That’s finally enough for the hot tag to Shane and it’s bad punches a go-go. A DDT gets two on Sheamus and Shane loads up Coast To Coast to both of them at once. Cesaro pulls him out of the air and into the Swing though and it’s a rather long one this time.

Since it was just a really long Swing, Shane is right back with a triangle choke. Sheamus makes a save and it’s the spike White Noise for two, with no one making the save. Well you knew he was going to kick out of at least one finisher. Miz is back in to save Shane from the Brogue Kick, which hits Cesaro by mistake. The shooting star press finishes Cesaro for the titles at 13:23.

Rating: C. It’s every complaint about a Shane match that you could find: he’s pushed too hard, he looks ready to explode from hyperventilating after about eighteen seconds and he kicks out of a big finisher. Oh and now he’s a champion, naturally getting the pin in the process. It had already gotten bad and it was only going to get worse from here.

Shane and Miz celebrate with Papa Mizanin as the announcers get to praise Shane a bit.

Cole announces the attendance and Meltzer has a correction out immediately.

We recap Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks. Rousey wants to see Banks get fired up and is ready to show us the difference between a Boss and a champion. Sasha promised to prove how good she was and made Natalya tap in a tag match on Monday. Graves: “It’s one thing to make Natalya submit.” Nice little unintentional insult there.

Sasha isn’t concerned about keeping her emotions in check. Tonight, she’s proving that she’s the best in the world.

Raw Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey

Rousey is defending and goes straight for the armbar but Banks armdrags her right back down. A springboard armdrag doesn’t work that well and Rousey mocks Banks’ pose. Rousey tries her own Three Amigos but Banks blocks the third, only to have to go to the ropes to avoid an armbar. A kick to the ribs puts Banks on the floor but Rousey punches the post by mistake.

That lets Banks hit a suicide dive to put Rousey down for a change. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Banks hits the running knees in the corner instead. Back up and Rousey hits a running elbow to the face for two so Banks hits a running knee of her own for the same. Rousey shrugs it off and loads up Piper’s Pit but gets reversed into a nasty armbar, complete with some finger bending.

Banks switches over into the Bank Statement but it’s broken up in a hurry. Now Piper’s Pit can connect and Rousey armbars her over the ropes. Rousey goes up but gets superplexed right back down so Banks can go back to the armbar. You don’t do that to Rousey, who rolls Banks over with some judo throws. They go outside with Rousey grabbing the armbar in full to make Banks tap.

Back in and Rousey hammers away in the corner but Banks gets in a shot of her own for the double knockdown. The armbar is broken up again and another Piper’s Pit is countered into a crossbody. The Bank Statement goes on until Banks switches to a Fujiwara armbar. Rousey rolls out and gutwrench suplexes the heck out of her, setting up another Piper’s Pit for the pin at 13:49.

Rating: B. This took time to get going but they were rolling at the end. Rousey was such a freak of nature as she probably hadn’t had 25 matches by this point (certainly not 10 big ones) and was going back and forth with one of the best around on the big stage. The battle of the submissions attempts worked well here and I got way into this all over again.

Post match they do a left handed handshake since Banks’ arm is wrecked. Banks does hold up the Horsewomen sign though because she isn’t the nicest loser in the world.

We recap the Kickoff Show. We’re so lucky.

John Cena has been injured and won’t be participating in the Royal Rumble. He was totally and really here and everything though. Honest. Braun Strowman is replacing him.

Beth Phoenix joins commentary.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Lacey Evans (making her main roster in-ring debut, save for a random Main Event match) is in at #1, meaning she needs to introduce herself. Natalya is in at #2 and Lacey runs the ropes to start. Neither can hit a dropkick and Lacey can’t quite do a nip up. A clothesline can’t get rid of Natalya and she reverses a powerbomb with a hurricanrana. Natalya hits the discus lariat as Mandy Rose is in at #3, sending Graves over the edge all over again.

Another discus lariat drops Mandy and it’s the double Sharpshooter, which Graves says is like the even more stuffed Oreos. Liv Morgan is in at #4 and is out in less than ten seconds. Lacey and Mandy start double teaming Natalya but Lacey sends Mandy into the corner for the double Bronco Buster. Mickie James is in at #5, giving us the first non-blonde. House is cleaned in a hurry until Mickie has to save herself from being tossed by Mandy. Ember Moon is in at #6 and gets to clean house as well. No one can eliminate anyone else and it’s Billie Kay in at #7.

She’s fine with staying on the floor though, saying she’s going to wait for Peyton Royce to go in. More non-eliminations continue and it’s Nikki Cross in at #8 (Graves: “Batten down the hatches.” I really need to find out what hatches are and what it means to batten something.). She runs over Billie at ringside and then dives onto everyone else inside. Mandy and Nikki have a weird showdown with Nikki getting the better of it. Billie is inside now and get beaten up as well because she isn’t great on her own. Peyton Royce is in at #9 and it’s IIconics time. The team beats down Nikki and it’s time to fight on the ropes some more.

Tamina is in at #10, giving us Lacey, Natalya, Mandy, Mickie, Ember, Billie, Nikki Peyton and Tamina, meaning the ring is too full. Tamina gets to wreck people until Nikki gets to have another not that interesting staredown. A dropkick and tackle put Tamina through the ropes but she’s right back in with a kick to Nikki’s face. Mickie low bridges Tamina to the apron but she comes back in with the Superfly Splash to Nikki. A superkick gets rid of Mickie and it’s Xia Li in at #11.

Li kicks away at a lot of people but gets knocked down by Tamina. Sarah Logan, in Braveheart paint, is in at #12 as the ring is full and the crowd is dead. Ember has to hang on by her feet but pulls herself back in (finally a reaction) and the IIconics get rid of Cross. Charlotte is in at #13 and PLEASE get rid of some people. She gets jumped on the way in but everyone is fought off in a hurry. Lacey eliminates both IIconics at once and Charlotte kicks Li out to finally clear the ring a bit. Charlotte and Tamina have a staredown (NO ONE CARES ABOUT TAMINA!!!) and Charlotte gets rocked by a superkick.

Kairi Sane is in at #14 and she runs to the ring while looking through a telescope because of course she does. Charlotte gets rid of Tamina as Sane dives in. Charlotte chops Sane down but she’s right back up with the Insane Elbow to Logan. That’s enough to get rid of Sarah and it’s Maria Kanellis in at #15. She breaks up a staredown between Charlotte and Lacey, including a double bulldog. Charlotte is back up with a spear to Maria, who apparently doesn’t belong in this ring.

Naomi is in at #16 and that wakes the crowd up a bit. Mandy sends Naomi to the apron but gets backdropped out, only to pull Naomi to the floor. The feet don’t touch so Naomi backflips onto the barricade, tightrope walks across, and does a crazy athletic jump from the barricade to the steps. And then Mandy pulls her off the steps for the elimination anyway in a great heel move. Charlotte kicks Lacey out and it’s Candice LeRae in at #17. Candice Black Widows Ember but it’s broken up in a hurry.

Natalya powerbombs Charlotte out of the corner and it’s Alicia Fox in at #18 (I had almost forgotten about her.). Maria wants to be friends with Alicia so they beat up Sane. Alicia puts her captain’s hat on Maria before stopping to dance. Maria throws it on the ground and stomps on it….sending Alicia into a fit. She’s back up to eliminate Maria though as Kacy Catanzaro is in at #19 and starts with the hurricanranas. A slingshot version puts Alicia on the apron but she skins the cat to come back in.

Zelina Vega is in at #20, giving us Natalya, Moon, Charlotte, Sane, Candice, Alicia, Catanzaro and Vega. Candice and Vega slug it out as fallout from Andrade vs. Johnny Gargano but they slow down, meaning it’s yet another lull. Ruby Riott is in at #21 and has Logan and Morgan with her so all three pull Charlotte to the floor for some triple teaming. Fox gets the same treatment and Vega rolls to the floor to hide underneath the ring.

Riott throws Fox back inside and then eliminates her, followed by a powerbomb into the barricade for LeRae and another elimination. Dana Brooke is in at #22 and hits a weird looking sitout powerbomb on Catanzaro. Now the Squad pulls Brooke to the floor (I really can’t stand this whole people being on the floor but not eliminated deal as it makes things more confusing than they need to be) and Riott eliminates Sane. Io Shirai is in at #23 and dropkicks the Squad down, setting up the big moonsault to the floor (she was never in so it’s not an elimination).

Shirai and Riott go over the top to the apron for a slugout but they both get back in. Rhea Ripley is in at #24 but the star power hasn’t started for her just yet. She wrecks things a bit until Moon takes her down with a wheelbarrow faceplant. Brooke kicks Catanzaro to the floor but she holds her legs up, hand walks to the post, flips up to it and climbs back in to blow away Naomi’s save. Ripley blocks Catanzaro’s spinning DDT though and tosses her out for real.

Sonya Deville is in at #25 and spears Moon down but Brooke hits her with a shoulder. Brooke enziguris Ripley but gets sent to the apron and dropkicked out. Vega leans from under the ring to laugh at Brooke….and here’s freaking Hornswoggle to chase Vega back inside. That doesn’t last long as Ripley throws her out, with Hornswoggle chasing Vega to the back. Alexa Bliss is in at #26 to a MAJOR pop in her first match since September. The moonsault knees to the ribs hit Moon but Sonya pounds Bliss down in the corner. Bliss is right back by sending her to the apron though and a right hand gets rid of Sonya.

Bayley is in at lucky #27 and gets her own house cleaning segment, including a clothesline to get rid of Riott. That’s not all though as she knocks Ripley out as well as Lana is in at #28. Well not in really as she can barely walk due to her ankle injury from earlier. The trainer comes out to check on her in the aisle as Shirai saves herself from an elimination. Lana is still being checked on as Nia Jax is in at #29, only to jump Lana in the aisle for a bonus.

Fit Finlay comes out to tell her to go to the ring and it’s time for the giant to wreck some people. Shirai makes the mistake of trying a moonsault and gets knocked out in a hurry. Natalya somehow gets Jax up for a fireman’s carry but can’t do anything else with it and gets eliminated after 56 minutes. Carmella is in at #30 (an honor she won in Mixed Match Challenge), giving us a final group of Moon, Charlotte, Bliss, Bayley, Lana, Jax and Carmella, though Lana hasn’t gotten anywhere near the ring.

Carmella gets in a dropkick on Moon but Jax runs her over. Hold on though as Lana is still down so here’s Becky Lynch to say she wants the spot instead. Finlay says do it and the fans are WAY into this again. Becky gets the long awaited showdown with Jax but Charlotte breaks it up and sends Becky to the apron. That doesn’t work either and it’s Becky coming back in with a missile dropkick to Jax. Bliss goes after Moon and pulls her to the apron by the hair (freaking ow man) and then chokeshoves her out after a rather ridiculous 53 minutes.

Carmella hits a Bronco Buster on Bliss and there’s a Buckle Bomb from Bayley. Carmella and Bayley team up to throw Bliss out so Jax clotheslines them both. Charlotte saves Becky from Jax’s facebreaker so Carmella gives Becky a Downward Spiral instead. For some reason Charlotte goes up top so Carmella tries a running headscissors, only to get sent to the apron.

That lasts all of two seconds but Charlotte puts her out there again and a big boot gets us down to four (Bayley, Jax, Charlotte and Becky). Bayley dropkicks Charlotte and Jax against the ropes but Jax is right back with a big boot to eliminate Bayley, leaving us with three. The three way showdown is on with Jax splashing both of them in the corner. That sends Becky to the floor (not out) and it’s a Charlotte vs. Jax showdown that is a little more interesting than it sounds.

Something like a slow motion AA has Jax in trouble but Charlotte can’t follow up. Charlotte gets her onto the apron and Becky pulls her out, leaving us with Charlotte vs. Becky in the rivalry that won’t end. Hold on though as Jax shoves Becky off the steps and we have a knee injury. Referees check on her but Becky pulls herself back in for the fight. Well kind of at least as Becky falls straight back down as soon as she’s inside.

Becky says it’s her time and Charlotte has already taken enough from her. Charlotte, obviously, goes right after the knee but Becky kicks her in the face. She sends Charlotte to the apron but another kick to the leg cuts off the rally. Charlotte misses a charge though and a forearm sends Becky to Wrestlemania at 1:11:23.

Rating: D+. The Becky parts made it better but WOW this was badly laid out. There were far too many instances of people just standing around and doing nothing with several people staying in there too long. Ember for 52 minutes? Natalya for 56? Mandy Rose for nearly 26? You don’t need everyone in there for that long and it’s ok to come up with something other than “everyone stays on the ropes while two people do something in the middle” over and over. They got the right winner but it was a heck of a chore to get there.

Becky can barely stand but is very pleased with the results. The celebration goes on for a LONG time.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Bryan turned heel to steal the title and became the crazy environmentalist so, after losing to Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series, it’s time for a (second) rematch. AJ is out to show that he isn’t complacent, which included attacking Vince McMahon in a story that went nowhere.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

AJ is challenging. We get the Big Match Intros and AJ hammers him down in the corner so the champ bails for a bit. Back in and they fight on the mat for a bit with AJ’s wristlock not getting him very far. A headlock works a bit better as the first gear work continues. Bryan bails to the floor again but comes back in….to get punched in the face. An uppercut puts Styles in the corner and he gets dropped chest first onto the post to give Bryan a target.

Bryan starts in on the shoulder and cranks on a hammerlock on the mat with Styles having to use his foot to reach a rope. A cross armbreaker is broken up as well so Bryan punches him in the face to even the score. AJ scores with a dropkick and the pinfall reversal sequence gets some near falls each. Bryan tosses him hard into the corner and that means the running dropkick.

A dragon suplex has AJ (with his bloody nose) rocked again and Bryan kicks him off the top and out to the floor. Bryan goes out after him but it’s the moonsault off the barricade into the perfect reverse DDT (that’s one of the best he’s ever hit). Back in and the springboard 450 hits Bryan’s knees, meaning the LeBell Lock goes on. Not to be outdone, AJ escapes and reverses into the Calf Crusher to stay on the knee.

That’s broken up as well and they’re both down for a bit. Bryan gets up first and kicks away at the arm, setting up the big kick to the head for two. AJ catches him on top and they slug it out up there, with Styles backflipping out of a belly to back superplex. The Calf Crusher goes on again before AJ switches to a cradle for two instead. Neither can get a backslide so AJ grabs a brainbuster for two more.

Rating: B+. I’m not wild on the ending but you can’t have AJ lose a clean fall here. They were working a heck of a match here with both of them going with their own style and having the other broken down. I don’t particularly care for Rowan interfering, but he and Bryan would wind up being a nice enough team so well done, even if it wasn’t the best feeling at the time.

Post match Rowan holds AJ up for the running knee from Bryan so things can continue.

We recap Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar for the Raw World Title in a match hyped up as David vs. Goliath. Balor is small but can do extraordinary stuff so he wants to fight Lesnar. This isn’t the Demon for reasons of Balor wanting to do it himself, even though the Demon IS Balor, meaning the whole thing doesn’t make a lot of sense. Or they just don’t want Lesnar losing because that wouldn’t be very Lesnarish.

Raw World Title: Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and we get the Big Match Intros. Balor dropkicks him at the bell to start and another running dropkick sends him into the corner. The first belly to belly cuts him off in a hurry though and we settle down for the first time. Another belly to belly on the floor rocks Balor again and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table.

Balor sends him ribs first into the corner of said table though and he does it again for painful measure. Brock can barely stand up as he throws Balor back inside for the shoulders in the corner. Another belly to belly has Balor flying but Lesnar is wincing a bit. Lesnar gets in yet another suplex but this time Balor is up with a Sling Blade. That’s it for the offense though as Lesnar BLASTS him with a clothesline.

Lesnar can’t hit a German suplex though as the stomach gives out. The F5 is countered into a DDT and Balor gets smart by stomping at the ribs. The big flip dive to the floor puts Lesnar down again and Balor hits a second for good measure. A third flip dive takes Lesnar down again but Renee says we’re having a new champion to end Balor’s hopes. Back in and Balor kicks him in the face, setting up the Coup de Grace for two, with Lesnar spinning into the Kimura on the kickout, making Balor tap at 8:36.

Rating: C+. Well that was short. They had some moments in there but at the same time, Lesnar wasn’t exactly doing much for the first half of the match. It got better once he was selling but there are only so many things you can do in less than nine minutes. The stuff with Lesnar’s stomach being messed up was enough to go somewhere, but this was only so good.

Post match Lesnar beats Balor up a few more times. This is something else that went nowhere.

Jerry Lawler and JBL join commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals again and Elias is in at #1, meaning it’s time for a song. Well make that insulting Phoenix until he’s interrupted by Jeff Jarrett of all people at #2. Jeff gets to strut and say ain’t I great as Elias is rather pleased by being interrupted by someone who brings something to the table. For now though, they need to sing together. And yes, they really are doing this three hours and forty minutes into a show with an hour long match to go. Jeff goes to spell his name so Elias hits him in the face to get things going.

Elias hammers away on the ropes and hits a clothesline so he can get in another catchphrase. A guitar shot to the back is enough to get rid of Jeff. Shinsuke Nakamura, last year’s winner, is in at #3 and he wastes no time in kicking Elias down. For some reason Elias goes up top for Old School, though it’s just an armdrag instead of a shot to the back. Kurt Angle is in at #4 to a big reaction and he starts in with the suplexes. Elias gets him in the corner though and it’s Big E. in at #5, with his gear including Kofi’s best Rumble moments. That’s rather cool….I think.

The Warrior Splash hits Nakamura but an Angle Slam takes Big E. down. Nakamura is back up with the running knee to Angle’s ribs and another running knee gets rid of Kurt. Honestly, it’s better to have him out that fast before he hurts himself again. Johnny Gargano is in at #6 and gets to clean house on Nakamura and Big E. The slingshot spear cuts Elias down and it’s Jinder Mahal in at #7. After he knocks everyone down, Gargano knocks Mahal out in about thirty seconds. The Singh Brothers get beaten up for a bonus and now it’s back to something that actually matters.

Samoa Joe is in at #8, just as Nakamura is surrounded in the corner. Elias gets kicked down and Joe just walks away from Gargano’s middle rope dive (that will always be cool). Joe dumps Big E. and it’s Curt Hawkins in at #9, still in the middle of his horrible losing streak. Hawkins gets in a few shots but bails to the floor in what is probably a smart move. The fans get behind Hawkins, even as Joe grabs him in the Koquina Clutch. For some reason Elias breaks that up and Hawkins bails to the floor again, this time hiding underneath the ring.

Seth Rollins is in at #10, giving us Elias, Nakamura, Gargano, Samoa Joe, Hawkins and Rollins. The springboard clotheslines hits Elias and there’s the Falcon Arrow to Gargano. Elias gets sent to the apron and then into the post for the elimination. It’s Titus O’Neil in at #11 and he crosses himself before charging to the ring, only to stop himself before getting to the apron in a funny moment. Titus sees Hawkins hiding underneath the ring and chases him inside, only to be eliminated almost immediately. Joe throws Hawkins out a second later to end the harmless comedy segment.

With the ring a little more cleared out, Kofi Kingston is in at #12 and things settle down a bit. As everyone fights by the ropes, Mustafa Ali is in at #13. Joe is waiting on him so Ali scores with a dropkick, only to get grabbed by Nakamura. That’s fine with Ali, who slips over the back and tells Nakamura to COME ON. Nakamura does just that and gets tossed out by Ali in quite the upset. Ali isn’t done either as he hits a tornado DDT on Gargano, only to get planted by Joe. Dean Ambrose, still in his pretty disastrous heel run, is in at #14 and goes right at it with Rollins, as expected.

With that broken up, Dean sends Kofi over the top but Kofi keeps one foot off the ground and rolls over to the steps to save himself. That’s not as good as his others, but maybe he’s crashing underneath the expectations. Kingston comes back in with a DDT to Dean, who is right back up to get rid of Gargano. No Way Jose, with the Conga Line, is in at #15 and Joe literally eliminates him in two seconds. No worries though as he and the Conga Line dance to the back as that was quite the use of an entrance.

Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and headbutts Jose for dancing too close to him. After cleaning some house, Joe and McIntyre slug it out for the hoss fight. The Claymore drops Joe and there’s one for Rollins as well as Xavier Woods is in at #17. As he is coming in, Kofi is knocked off the apron but sunset flips Woods, allowing him to keep one foot up.

Woods stands up with Kofi on his back (Cole to JBL: “I remember when you and Ron used to do this.”) and walks over to the steps for the real save of the year. Then McIntyre eliminates Woods and Kingston a second later because this show doesn’t like fun to last too long (completely appropriate for McIntyre of course). Pete Dunne is in at #18 and that gets a nice reaction. Dunne goes after Joe and Graves is rather pleased with everything going on at the moment.

Ali hangs on after being thrown to the apron and it’s Andrade in at #19. Andrade goes after Dunne in a match that sounds rather interesting indeed. With no one close to an elimination, Apollo Crews is in at #20, giving us Joe, Rollins, Ali, Ambrose, McIntyre, Dunne, Andrew and Apollo. McIntyre is sent to the apron and it’s Aleister Black (without the riser) in at #21. He goes right after Dunne in another match that sounds awesome (it’s almost like Dunne is great or something) but switches to Ambrose, with Black Mass connecting for the elimination.

Shelton Benjamin is in at #22 and goes at it with Crews for the athletic freak off. Crews saves himself from being eliminated as Shelton gets Koquina Clutched. That’s broken up and Ali dumps Joe in an upset. Baron Corbin is in at #23, fresh from his shift at *insert restaurant joke of the day here*. Deep Six drops Ali but he hangs onto the rope so Corbin knocks out Crews instead. Black and McIntyre slug it out and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #24 to keep the talent field high.

Lashley pulls Rollins, who low bridged him out, to the floor and beats the heck out of him to let off some steam. Rollins is spinebustered through the announcers’ table and it’s Braun Strowman in at lucky #27 for a possible (though unlikely) winner. Strowman knocks Corbin out in a hurry and there goes Benjamin a few seconds later. McIntyre dumps Hardy as Dolph Ziggler, his recent rival, is in at #28. That means a superkick to get rid of McIntyre and it’s Randy Orton in at #29 for the slow walk to the ring.

Strowman is right there for the showdown and the RKO is blocked in a hurry. Andrade loads up a superplex on Ali, so Strowman puts them BOTH on his shoulders with Mysterio diving off the top to take them down in your HOW CAN HE DO THAT spot of the match. R-Truth (also here because of the Mixed Match Challenge) is in at #30….but hang on as Nia Jax of all people jumps him from behind to take his spot, continuing the near trolling levels of a push. That gives us a final group of Rollins, Ali, Andrade, Orton, Strowman, Ziggler, Orton and Jax.

Nia gets to wreck some people and Ali is out in a hurry after a surprising thirty plus minutes. Orton stares Jax down but can’t hit the surprise RKO attempt, earning himself a shoulder down. Jax tells Rey to go for the 619 on Orton but cuts him off, only to get superkicked by Ziggler. The 619 hits Jax and Orton connects with the RKO, setting up a baseball slide from Mysterio to get rid of her.

Orton tosses Mysterio and Andrade dumps Orton, leaving us with Ziggler, Andrade, and Rollins and Strowman on the floor. Strowman comes back in and splashes Andrade and Ziggler in the corners to send them outside again. Hold on though as Strowman needs to go to the floor again to run Rollins over.

Everyone goes after Strowman in a 2004 flashback but he gets rid of Andrade and Ziggler. Rollins uses the momentum to put him on the apron but charges into a chokeslam. Back in and Rollins grabs a guillotine to pull Strowman to the apron and sends him into the post. A kick to the ribs sets up the Stomp on the apron to get rid of Strowman to give Rollins the win at 57:34.

Rating: B. This was much more like it with a nice mix of brawling, comedy, action and an only somewhat guaranteed winner. I know you can’t really hide the fact that someone is a shoe in winner but it’s nice to see them at least giving it a little bit more drama. Rollins winning made sense here as he had been on fire for the last year and needed something like this. Good Rumble, though there have been a lot better.

SIGN POINTING, yes I said SIGN POINTING, ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I’m curious to see how this one holds up against the original rating as the length was driving me crazy this time around. There is a lot of good stuff on here but EGADS it’s a two hour Kickoff Show and then four hours and forty minutes of the main show. You really needed to have the weird Tag Team Title deal on the Kickoff Show and then put Miz and Shane on the main show? That, plus Bryan vs. Styles, could have been on a big Smackdown at worst and this show could have been trimmed down by 45 minutes.

The only bad thing on here is the women’s Royal Rumble, but when that one match is nearly an hour and fifteen minutes long, it has quite the negative impact on the rest of the show. The men’s match makes up for it and the card is much better than worse, but they really, really need to stop with these shows getting close to (or over in Wrestlemania’s case) seven hours. It doesn’t matter how good it is. If you’re going three hours over the length of Wrestlemania X7, the time is going to cause a lot of problems. Anyway, good show, which could have been great with a big editing job.

Ratings Comparison

Chad Gable/Bobby Roode vs. Scott Dawson/Rezar

Original: D+

2020 Redo: D+

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Original: C

2020 Redo: C-

Buddy Murphy vs. Hideo Itami vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Kalisto

Original: C+

2020 Redo: B-

Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Original: B+

2020 Redo: B+

The Bar vs. Shane McMahon/The Miz

Original: D

2020 Redo: C

Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey

Original: B+

2020 Redo: B

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B

2020 Redo: D+

AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: C-

2020 Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Finn Balor

Original: C+

2020 Redo: C+

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: D

2020 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2020 Redo: B-

WOW. I was actually shocked by the original ratings of those Rumbles and the Styles vs. Bryan match. I’ve mellowed a lot since then as the show really isn’t that bad.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/01/28/royal-rumble-2019-i-almost-had-a-birthday-watching-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2019
Date: January 27, 2019
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s the first of the Big Four pay per views and that means it’s time to really get going with the busiest season of the year. In this case that means a pair of Royal Rumble matches, which may or may not have the highest levels of drama. I’m not sure who we’ll be seeing tonight, but it could be interesting. Let’s get to it.

The stadium looks huge, though it doesn’t look full.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode/Chad Gable vs. Rezar/Scott Dawson

THIS NEEDED TO BE ADDED TO THE SHOW??? If Rezar and Dawson win, both of their teams get future title shots. Akam is injured at the moment in case this is even more confusing than it seems. As a bonus, the cameraman falls over while trying to get a closeup of Roode during his entrance. Roode and Dawson start things off with Scott getting caught in a wristlock. It’s back to Gable but Rezar comes in to hammer away with the heavy forearms.

With Gable properly beaten, Dawson comes in for a suplex, followed by a chinlock. That’s rather old school of him. Back up and they slug it out until a shove into the ropes sends Gable head first into Dawson, meaning a double knockdown. Rezar comes in but gets caught in the armbreaker over the ropes. Everything breaks down and Dawson runs into Rezar by mistake, setting up the moonsault/neckbreaker combination to finish Dawson at 6:55.

Rating: D+. Well that was a distinct waste of time. The match was added to the card as a bonus and the not exactly interesting champions defeated their makeshift challengers, as in the team they should beat, without much effort. So much for having the Revival get somewhere out of all their recent drama, at least for one night. You couldn’t possibly have Rezar lose here you see. He doesn’t have a partner at the moment, but it makes more sense to beat half of the Revival. Again.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Rusev vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Rusev is defending and goes straight with the corner shoulders to the ribs. A running clothesline puts Nakamura on the floor but he gets in a shot against the barricade to take over. Back in and some Bad Vibrations set up the running knee to the ribs as they’re doing just about the same match (at least the same pace) as before. The knees to the head don’t do too much damage to Rusev as he’s right back with the spinwheel kick for two.

Nakamura bails to the floor so Rusev loads up a suicide dive (!), which is cut off by a kick to the head. Well thank goodness for that. Nakamura fires off more kicks to the head for a near fall but Rusev ax handles him down. You don’t see that one very often, but you do see the Machka Kick, which makes it even worse.

Rusev gets caught in a triangle choke until a suplex finally gets him out of trouble. Nakamura kicks him down again so the referee checks on Rusev, allowing Nakamura to go after the turnbuckle pad. It’s Lana offering a distraction but she gets knocked off the apron and hurts her ankle. Rusev is distracted again, and this time a running knee to the back of the head gives Nakamura the title back at 10:15.

Rating: C. I’m so glad they gave Rusev the title so they could give it back to Nakamura to restart his nothing reign. That title is the kiss of death at the moment with no one getting anything out of it. It’s not like either of them being champion means anything more than the other, but this is kind of a confusing choice.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Kalisto vs. Hideo Itami

Murphy is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Everyone goes for rollups to start but can’t get anywhere so Tozawa puts Murphy in a Black Widow. Kalisto makes a save and snaps off a hurricanrana to send Murphy outside. Itami starts cleaning house and wins a strike off with Murphy, followed by knocking Kalisto outside.

Tozawa’s dive takes Murphy out but Kalisto gets back in to clean house, including monkey flipping Tozawa off the apron onto Murphy. This time it’s Tozawa heading back inside to take over, capped off by the suicide headbutt on Itami. Buddy is back up with the running flip dive to the floor onto all three. Kalisto is up first with a hurricanrana driver for two on Murphy as the all over the place offense continues.

Murphy powerbombs Kalisto out of the corner for the same with Tozawa having to make a save. The Salida Del Sol gets a VERY close two on Itami but Murphy takes over again. It’s Itami hitting an enziguri on Murphy so Tozawa and Kalisto break it up with stereo superkicks. Murphy is right back up and countering whatever Itami’s finisher is supposed to be, setting up Murphy’s Law to retain at 12:07.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be with a bunch of spots and all kinds of entertainment going on. It didn’t need to be anything more than a fast paced spotfest and that’s what they did here. Murphy retaining is fine and I liked the match well enough. It also didn’t overstay its welcome, which is often a problem with a match like this. Good stuff here.

The opening video looks at what the Rumble means, both as a show and as a match itself. This includes some history of the match, meaning some comedy, which doesn’t really fit with the serious nature of the video.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Asuka is defending after taking the title from Becky in a triple threat match last month. Becky gets shoved down as there’s a rather loud high pitched noise. Back up and Asuka kicks the leg out but gets hip attacked out to the floor. Asuka misses the running kick off the apron and gets her own leg kicked out to put Becky in control for the first time. Back in and Becky sends her face first into the corner before stomping away for good measure. It’s too early for the arm but Asuka misses the running hip attack and gets caught in the ropes.

That’s fine though as it’s the Asuka Lock from the ropes for a few seconds. The missing continues though as Asuka goes shoulder first into the post, setting up a Disarm-Her in the ropes. Becky dives into a knee to the face though and the hip attack connects for two. The missile dropkick misses and Becky gets her own two off a bell to belly. Asuka is right back with most of an Asuka Lock, allowing Becky to roll to the ropes.

They fight to the apron and it’s a fisherman’s neckbreaker (I think) Asuka onto the floor for a huge (and scary looking) crash. They’re both alive and get back in for the slugout with Becky getting the better of it. Asuka gets caught in a super Bexploder for a very close two as the fans are getting way into these near falls.

Becky misses the middle rope legdrop though and gets pulled into the Disarm-Her, which is reversed into an Asuka Lock (on Asuka) for a pretty sweet sequence that you don’t see from the women. Asuka flips back for two and there’s the big kick to the head. Becky pulls her down into the Disarm-Her but this time it’s Asuka escaping. The full Asuka Lock goes on and Asuka flips forward into something close to Cattle Mutilation for the clean tap at 16:37.

Rating: B+. Very good match here with some crazy counters, though having Becky tap clean feels like a bad idea. I fully expect her to come back in and win the Rumble for the title shot, but this was a great example of WWE booking themselves into a corner. This could have been Charlotte losing instead and giving Asuka her win back from Wrestlemania, but instead they take something away from Becky before she’s likely winning later in the night, or at Elimination Chamber. Just seems unnecessary.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/The Miz vs. The Bar

Shane and Miz are challenging in matching baseball jerseys. Shane takes Sheamus down at the bell because that’s what you do to a four time World Champion. We officially start with Cesaro vs. Miz as Miz can’t get a Skull Crushing Finale. The double teaming begins in the corner so it’s Shane running over for a quick save. Shane gets knocked off the apron (I think that’s enough to make Sheamus a five time World Champion) but he’s right back to save Miz from a powerbomb through the announcers’ table.

The big elbow is broken up so Shane hits a top rope clothesline on Sheamus instead. Cesaro uppercuts him in the face though and the double backbreaker gets two on Miz. Sheamus hits a middle rope knee to the chest for the same and it’s off to the ten forearms to the chest for a bonus. Miz fights out of a chinlock as this is somehow still going. The hot tag brings in Shane for the umping elbow to Sheamus and the horrible spinning DDT on Cesaro. Coast to Coast is broken up by Cesaro so Shane knocks him into the corner as well.

Since Shane can beat up one of the most successful tag teams of the modern era on his own. Thankfully Cesaro counters into the Swing, and it’s a LONG one with the fans giving him a quick standing ovation. Shane is fine of course and grabs what was supposed to be a triangle choke until Sheamus makes the save. Miz gets dropped on the floor and the spike White Noise, which pinned Seth Rollins last year, gets two. Miz breaks up the Brogue Kick so it takes out Cesaro instead, setting up Shane’s shooting star press for the pin and the titles at 13:23.

Rating: D. Not only was the match boring, but Shane McMahon just won a title in 2019. This is also the second stupid title loss for the Bar in less than a year after they lost to a ten year old at Wrestlemania. I’m sure they’ll get the titles back, but my goodness what is the point in this? To set up Shane vs. Miz at Wrestlemania? Is that what anyone wants to see?

We recap Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks. Rousey tried to be nice to Banks but Sasha got serious and promised to make Rousey tap. That was enough to set Rousey off and we have a fired up champ.

Raw Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks

Rousey is defending. It’s way too early for the submissions so Rousey throws her into the corner and stops for some taunting. Rousey goes for Three Amigos but has to slip out of a Bank Statement attempt. Back up and Banks slaps her in the face, earning herself a kick to the ribs. They fight outside with Rousey punching the post, allowing Banks to hit a heck of a suicide dive. Things finally slow down a bit with Rousey grabbing a chinlock until Banks shoves her into the corner for some running knees.

An elbow to the face puts Banks down but she comes back up with some loud slaps to the back. The Rope walk sets up a Codebreaker to the bad arm and a running knee gets two. More running knees miss in the corner so Rousey tries Piper’s Pit, only to be reversed into a heck of an armbar on the bad arm. Rousey starts to roll out but gets pulled into the Bank Statement. It’s too close to the ropes though and now Piper’s Pit connects.

For some reason Rousey goes up top, earning herself a superplex for two. The armbar goes on again as you can’t say Banks isn’t focused. Rousey is all fired up and hits three straight judo throws by the arm. Banks sends her outside again though and Rousey’s arm is just hanging there. Another suicide dive is countered into the Beast Mode armbar on the floor to make Sasha tap, which didn’t make a ton of sense but looked awesome as you got the Death Stare.

Back in and Rousey unloads with right hands and a running knee of her own for two. Banks sends her arm first into the corner again though and it’s a double stomp onto the arm. The Backstabber is countered into an armbar attempt but another Piper’s Pit is countered into a crossbody for two. The Bank Statement can’t quite go on so it’s a Fujiwara armbar in the middle of the ring. Rousey rolls out of that as well and it’s a gutwrench suplex into Piper’s Pit for the pin at 13:48, though it looked like Rousey’s shoulders were down as well.

Rating: B+. I liked this even more than I was expecting to and it was a heck of a match. The arm stuff made sense and I’m glad they went with that instead of the back/ribs stuff that we’ve done a few times now. Banks looked more motivated than she has in years here and that’s not exactly surprising. As a bonus, Rousey was really showing off the athleticism here and made herself look even more talented than usual. Very good match and worth seeing.

Post match Rousey tries to show respect and gives her the Four Horsewomen sign but Banks isn’t having it and storms off.

Kickoff Show recap.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals. Beth Phoenix is out for commentary and it’s Lacey Evans in at #1 and gives a rather condescending promo about wanting to clean up the division. Natalya is in at #2, which is quite the letdown after that kind of a setup. Lacey flips away from Natalya to start but they both miss dropkicks at the same time. The nipup doesn’t quite work for Lacey and it’s a wristlock to keep her in trouble. A hurricanrana takes Natalya down though and it’s Mandy Rose in at #3.

Natalya is right back up and does the still ridiculous looking double Sharpshooter until Liv Morgan is in at #4….and is eliminated in about two seconds off a Natalya backdrop. Lacey turns on Mandy but stops to pull a napkin from her trunks and wipe down a bit before throwing it at the other two (make your own Priscilla Kelly jokes). Mickie James is in at #5 and kicks Natalya in the head. No one goes for an elimination until Ember Moon is in at #6 to a big reaction (complete with a CGI moon, making me want to play Major’s Mask). Moon gets in all the usual until Mandy catches her in the corner.

Billie Kay is in at #7 but says she’s staying outside until Peyton Royce is here. Smart move actually and perfectly legal. Nikki Cross is in at #8 and sprints to ringside where she beats up Kay. House is cleaned but Lacey manages to avoid getting thrown out. Kay is inside now as the ring is starting to get too full. Peyton Royce is in at #9 and helps Billie up to go after Nikki. Some double teaming keeps her in trouble but there’s no elimination as Tamina is in at #10.

We currently have Evans, Natalya, Rose, James, Moon, Kay, Cross, Royce and Tamina. Kay goes after Tamina and nearly gets thrown out, but instead Tamina goes after Cross and this the top rope splash. A superkick puts James out and it’s Xia Li (of the Mae Young Classic) in at #11. Some kicks to the head drop Tamina and even more put everyone else down. Xia stands tall as Sara Logan is in at #12. The IIconics get together and dumb Cross in a rather quick elimination.

Charlotte is in at #13 and you can tell things are getting serious. Li gets sent to the apron and booted out as the ring is suddenly a lot less full. Tamina scores with a superkick and it’s Kairi Sane in at #14. The IIconics seem to have been eliminated as Sane is having way too much fun with her telescope. Charlotte gets Tamina out and there’s the top rope forearm from Sane to Moon. Charlotte welcomes the chops from Sane, who moves on to knocking Logan down.

The Insane Elbow connects and Natalya knocks Logan out. Maria Kanellis is in at #15 to get us to halftime and hopefully write off some of the rumors about her leaving. A double bulldog has Charlotte and Moon down but for some reason Maria stops for a dance, allowing Charlotte to nail her with a spear. Naomi is in at #16 and hits a sitout jawbreaker on Rose, as you had to expect.

A suplex to the apron sets up a kick to the head and Mandy is out. Naomi takes her time on the apron though and gets powerbombed against the barricade, only to kick Mandy in the head and crawl up onto the barricade. The tightrope walk lets Naomi get around for a Kofi Kingston-esque dive to the steps (that was VERY impressive) but Mandy pulls her to the floor anyway. Charlotte kicks Evans out and it’s Candice LeRae in at #17 for another NXT surprise. A Black Widow has Ember in trouble but she comes back with a gutbuster to put Candice down.

Some headscissors let Kacy put some people down with one putting Fox onto the apron. Zelina Vega (as someone from Street Fighter) is in at #20, giving us Natalya, Moon, Charlotte, Sane, LeRae, Fox, Catanzaro and Vega. LeRae and Vega go at it as a followup from NXT and it’s Ruby Riott, flanked by Morgan and Logan, in at #21. The Squad pull people underneath the ropes to cause some chaos but do managed to eliminate Fox and LeRae as Vega is hiding underneath the ring.

Dana Brooke is in at #22 and hits a heck of a sitout powerbomb on Catanzaro. The Squad keeps pulling people outside without eliminating most of them as Io Shirai is in at #23. She beats up the Squad in short order and hits the moonsault to the floor (she was never in so it’s not an elimination).

Riott and Shirai fight to the apron and it’s Rhea Ripley in at #24. She throws Catanzaro to the floor but Catanzaro lands on her back, allowing her to backflip onto the barricade and then hand walk to the post, where she flips up and climbs back in. Ripley throws her out without much of a problem, but WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT AND WHY CAN SHE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT???

Sonya Deville is in at #25 and Brooke is eliminated as Vega keeps watching…..and Hornswoggle pops out from underneath the ring skirt next to her. The chase is on and Vega goes inside where she’s eliminated in short order. Alexa Bliss makes her return at #26 and moonsaults into double knees to Moon’s chest. A sunset bomb plants Charlotte and it’s Sonya unloading on Bliss in the corner. Bliss gets rid of Sonya and it’s Bayley (to a pop) at #27.

That means the pace can pick up and it’s Riott and Ripley being tossed out. Lana is in at #28 and selling the ankle from earlier in the night. The fans are begging for Becky to come out and take her place as Lana has taken over a minute to get about a third of the way to the ring. Nia Jax is in at #29 and jumps Lana on the way to the ring so I think you know where this is going. Shirai moonsault onto Jax but gets thrown outside, landing hard onto her ankle. Jax throws Natalya out as well and it’s Carmella in at #30, giving us a final field of Charlotte, Bayley, Jax, Sane, Moon, Bliss and maybe Lana, who never got in the ring.

With Carmella taking Jax down, here’s Becky to appeal to Fit Finlay (I call international collusion!) to let her take Lana’s spot. Finlay agrees and we have the final field. We get straight to the Becky vs. Jax showdown and Becky unloads on her to a freaking roar. Bliss pulls Moon to the apron and it’s a leg trip to get rid of Moon after 53 minutes. Bayley gives Bliss a buckle bomb and that’s enough for the elimination.

That leaves us with Bayley, Nia, Carmella, Charlotte and Becky. Jax gets knocked through the ropes and Charlotte reverses a running headscissors from Carmella but cant’ get rid of her. A running big boot knocks Carmella out and Bayley sends Charlotte to the apron. Nia throws Bayley out (with Bayley clutching her knee on the landing) to get us down to three. Becky rolls to the floor and Charlotte fireman’s carries Nia….nowhere actually.

Nia goes over the top and Becky pulls her out, leaving us with Charlotte vs. Becky, much to the fans’ approval. Nia pulls Becky off the apron though and we’ve got a knee injury. Becky charges inside anyway and gets her leg taken out rather quickly. Charlotte cranks on the leg but Becky pops up and sends her to the apron. A running shot is enough to get rid of Charlotte to give Becky the win at 1:11:23.

Rating: B. I think I liked this one more than last year’s. The winner was the predictable (not a bad thing) and right call, but the bigger deal here was the lack of legends. It’s a good sign that the divisions have grown enough that they can have one of these without having so many people added to the match from years past. The NXT women were a nice touch and the match never felt like it was dragging.

I wouldn’t mind for it to be a little less messy though, as there were too many people on the floor at various times and a few too many spots of people saving themselves. That being said, Catanzaro is not human and that save was incredible, likely more impressive than most of Kofi’s. The Hornswoggle spot was hilarious too and I’m very relieved that he was used for that instead of a Rumble entry. Good match here, as the division looks a lot deeper this year.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Daniel Bryan turned heel back in November and won the title from Styles via a low blow. AJ Styles has turned it up a few notches though and is now the REAL AJ Styles again. This should be a heck of a match if given time, but it’s almost 10:00 and we have two World Title matches and a Royal Rumble to go.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is defending. AJ starts fast and slugs away but gets sent hard into the post for a trip to the floor. The shoulder is sent into the post again and it’s off to a hammerlock. Bryan seems very pleased with AJ possibly having a bloody nose and hammers away on the mat some more.

AJ gets back up with a suplex and right hands of his own, only to get suplexed onto the back of his head. Bryan gets sent outside for some kicks to the face as this is severely dragging. Back in and they trade submission finishers with AJ CRANKING on the leg in a painful looking visual. The rope is grabbed and Bryan kicks him down again. They head up top with AJ flipping out of a belly to back superplex before grabbing the Calf Crusher.

That’s broken up again but AJ gets kicked out of the air on a springboard attempt. Bryan takes the Pele though and they’re both down. Cue Erick Rowan of all people as they get back up, only to have Bryan enziguri the referee by mistake. The Styles Clash hits Bryan, drawing in Rowan to chokeslam Styles. The referee revives to count the pin as Bryan retains at 24:18.

Rating: C-. This is a good example of a match that wasn’t exactly great and didn’t need to take place at this point. It’s nearly 10:30 and we’re going to be lucky to finish this show by midnight. They’re already doing a rematch from Bryan pinning him clean and it was just to set up Rowan as Bryan’s enforcer. This wasn’t the right place and it came at the wrong time. It’s not bad, but it didn’t need to go this way.

We look at the big brawl after last night’s Takeover, which set up a six man tag during halftime of the Super Bowl.

We recap Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar. It’s literally billed as David vs. Goliath, with the much smaller Balor earning the shot when Braun Strowman lost his shot after destroying Vince McMahon’s limo. Balor seems to be in over his head but wants to fight, as is his custom.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Finn Balor

Balor is defending and charges straight at Lesnar at the bell. A few more shots have him in trouble but he catches a charge with a belly to belly. Balor wisely rolls outside with Brock following, only to get sent ribs first into the announcers’ table. Back in and it’s more belly to bellies to put Balor in more trouble.

A clothesline turns Balor inside out but Lesnar’s ribs are still banged up. Lesnar goes to finish with the F5, which is reversed into a hard DDT. Balor stomps away at the ribs and gets in a jumping double stomp. They head outside with Balor nailing the running flip dive as Lesnar is in trouble. Back in and the Coup de Grace connects for two, but Brock slaps on the Kimura for the tap at 8:37.

Rating: C+. This was good while it lasted but it was way too short and there was no way it was going to be much more without the extra time. Balor was game and trying with Lesnar doing his usual very good selling, but with less time than a Raw main event, there wasn’t much they could do.

Post match Balor hits some more German suplexes and an F5.

Jerry Lawler and JBL come out for commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

Elias is in at #1 and let’s have a song. Before he can sing though, it’s Jeff Jarrett in at #2 for the big music off. Jeff does his catchphrases and they agree to a duet but Elias punches him in the face and a guitar shot is enough to get rid of Jarrett. Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #3 and goes straight at Elias in the corner. Elias pops up with a rope walk as Kurt Angle is in at #4. Suplexed abound and it’s Big E. in at #5. The Big Ending to Big E. doesn’t work and it’s a bunch of knees, including one in the corner to get rid of Angle. Johnny Gargano is in at #6 and it’s a running hurricanrana on Elias.

A not great looking tornado DDT drops Big E., followed by the slingshot spear to Elias (Johnny must not like him). Jinder Mahal is in at #7 and after a few knees, is eliminated by Gargano. The Singh Brothers aren’t done though as they get dragged in for a beatdown from Elias and Big E. Samoa Joe is in at #8 and gets a rather strong reaction. The sidestep avoids Gargano’s middle rope kick to the face and a rake to the eyes is enough to get rid of Big E.

Curt Hawkins is in at #9, hits a forearm to Joe’s back, and then bails to the floor. For some reason he comes back in, only to walk into the Koquina Clutch. Elias makes a save so Hawkins can bail to the floor for some hiding underneath the ring. It’s Seth Rollins in at #10, giving us Elias, Nakamura, Gargano, Joe, Hawkins (underneath the ring) and Rollins. Seth gets rid of Elias in a hurry and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #11, complete with stopping to make sure he doesn’t slide underneath the ring.

Instead he sees Hawkins and goes after him underneath the ring, only to charge after him and get tossed in a hurry. Joe dumps Hawkins though and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #12. Rollins runs Nakamura over with an elbow and the clock seems to be getting a little faster as Mustafa Ali is in at #13. That means a rolling X Factor to Joe and a COME ON to Nakamura. Shinsuke charges and that’s enough for an elimination.

Ali hits a tornado DDT on Gargano but he runs into the overhead belly to belly from Joe into the corner. Dean Ambrose is in at #14 and it’s time for the showdown with Rollins. Dean knocks Kofi to the floor but Kofi puts his feet on the apron and rolls over until he gets to the steps. Kofi comes back in with a top rope DDT to Ambrose but Dean is right back up with Dirty Deeds to Gargano. Johnny is out but Kofi hits Dean with Trouble in Paradise. No Way Jose is in at #15 and is out so fast that he might have broken Santino Marella’s record.

No worries though as he and the conga line dance straight to the back. JBL: “Does he realize that he was just eliminated from the Royal Rumble?” Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and headbutts Jose before wrecking some of the conga line. It’s a series of Claymore kicks, including a great one to Joe, to put everyone down. Kofi gets knocked over the top as Xavier Woods is in at #17. As Kofi is getting shoved to the floor, he sunset flips Woods with only one foot touching, allowing Woods to stand up and piggyback Kofi to the steps. Once inside, Drew clotheslines them both out in a funny bit.

Pete Dunne is in at #18 and goes straight after Ali. Joe can’t suplex him and it’s time to go after a bunch of fingers. Dunne suplexes Ali onto Joe and Andrade is in at #19. A spinning DDT plants Dunne as there is some crazy talent in there. Apollo Crews is in at #20, giving us Joe, Rollins, Ali, Ambrose, McIntyre, Dunne, Andrade and Crews. Things slow down and it’s Aleister Black in at #21. A huge kick drops Ali and another one eliminates Ambrose. Shelton Benjamin is in at #22 with Paydirt to Benjamin, followed by Ali dumping Joe.

Shelton is out as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler in at #28. Hardy is knocked out and Ziggler gets rid of McIntyre as a bonus. Randy Orton is in at #29 and gets to stare down Strowman but the RKO is easily blocked. The powerslam connects and Strowman puts Andrade in an electric chair, while Andrade superplexes Ali. Rey adds something close to a high crossbody for the big crash, followed by Strowman going shoulder first into the post, as is his custom. R-Truth is in at #30….and Nia Jax jumps him from behind?

Nia takes his place, giving us Mysterio, Andrade, Ziggler, Orton, Strowman (on the floor), Ali, Rollins (on the floor) and Jax. Nia dumps Ali out and gets to star Orton down. The RKO is blocked so Ziggler superkicks Nia into the 619 (JBL: “Rey don’t do that!”). An RKO takes Jax down and it’s Rey baseball sliding her out. There’s an RKO to get rid of Rey but Andrade throws Orton out. We’re down to Ziggler, Strowman, Rollins and Andrade with Ziggler and Andrade striking it out.

Strowman comes back in to run them both over as Rollins is getting back up. That means the running shoulder on the floor and Strowman throws him inside, where the triple teaming begins on the monster. Strowman pops back up to get rid of Andrade and knocks Ziggler out as well. Rollins puts Strowman on the apron but charge into a chokeslam. Not over the top, but a chokeslam nonetheless. They get back in and Rollins pulls him to the apron by the head ala Chris Benoit and Big Show. It’s not enough for an elimination so Rollins sends him into the post and adds a Stomp for the win at 57:34.

Rating: D. It’s really hard to hate a match that had that kind of stretch in the teens but my goodness they missed on the final batch. Nia Jax as #30 wasn’t interesting and isn’t exactly an upgrade over someone who can at least do some funny stuff. The rest of the match wasn’t much better, as a lot of spots were wasted on nothing entries like Hawkins, O’Neil and Mahal. Throw in a comedy legend here or there to spice things up a bit and this is a lot better.

There were some good points here, as they went with the logical and obvious winner (not a bad thing) in Rollins and showcased a lot of young guys. Other than Black I can’t imagine any of them sticking around on the main roster but it’s nice to see them get a chance against the big names. Just….be more interesting.

Overall Rating: D+. There were parts here that worked but my goodness the length crippled this show. You could have EASILY shed an hour and a half off of this thing by dropping the Smackdown Tag Team Title match, the Smackdown Women’s Title match, and the Smackdown World Title match. Make Asuka vs. Becky (which was awesome) a big TV match and put Styles vs. Bryan on in a similar spot. Just because you can put something on the card doesn’t mean you should and that’s the big lesson here. This was almost an hour longer than last year’s way too long show because WWE refuses to hit the brakes.

There are good parts to the show but it’s the overall presentation that is severely lacking. It’s the length, it’s the lack of any surprises in the Rumbles (again: not a bad idea, but certainly not a thrilling one), it’s the lack of interesting names in the Rumble and it’s spending way too much time on stuff that doesn’t need to be on the show. I was begging for this show to be over at the halfway point and it just kept dragging along. There is no excuse for any show, including Wrestlemania, to be starting at 5 and ending at nearly midnight. That’s the big problem here and there’s very little that the wrestlers can do about it.

Results

Asuka b. Becky Lynch – Asuka Lock

Shane McMahon/The Miz b. The Bar – Shooting star press to Cesaro

Ronda Rousey b. Sasha Banks – Piper’s Pit

Becky Lynch won the Women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Charlotte

Daniel Bryan b. AJ Styles – Pin after a chokeslam from Erick Rowan

Brock Lesnar b. Finn Balor – Kimura

Seth Rollins won the Men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Braun Strowman

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,629
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since this show as I can barely remember most of the card. This show features the first ever all women’s Royal Rumble, which really is quite the milestone. Now of course they had to bring in a bunch of legends/former wrestlers who aren’t legends but are called such to fill in the lineup, but there are worse things to do. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

They aren’t the Lucha House Party yet but they’re the Lucha House Party. As usual, the arena is still mostly empty because we need to be having a match an hour and a half before the show starts. Kalisto and Gulak start things off with a weak POWERPOINT chant annoying Drew. The announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager as Kalisto twists the knee around into something like a reverse Figure Four. Gulak rolls out so it’s Metalik and Gallagher (in his suit of course) coming in instead.

A quick takedown sends Gallagher outside where he insists a fan not boo him. TJP comes in and that earns him a triple dab from the House Party. We settle down to TJP and Dorado exchanging wristlocks until Kalisto comes in for a headlock. The pace picks up again but this time it’s Gulak coming in and flying over the top to the floor. All three luchadors get on the top and it’s a triple moonsault to the floor to pop the dozens of fans in attendance.

Back from a break with TJP dropkicking Dorado out of the air so the heat segment can begin. Gallagher hits a surfboard double stomp on the knees and it’s off to a leg crank. Gulak stomps away and it’s back to TJP to look annoyed at Dorado for not staying down. Instead it’s Gallagher going to the middle rope and looking terrified, allowing Dorado to roll away. After a quick lecture, Gulak comes in as Metalik gets the hot tag to pick up the pace. The rope walk elbow gets two as everything breaks down. The double Golden Rewind sets up a big double dive from Metalik for two on Gulak. A quick Salida Del Sol finishes TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. For the life of me I don’t get the point in having these matches this early. There’s no one there and while the action was fine, it’s not like there’s anyone to react to them. They had a nice match here though with the dives taking them wherever they wanted to go. 205 Live was still figuring out a bunch of things but the match worked well enough because people who can fly around are always going to be worth a look.

The crowd has filled in now.

Kickoff Show: Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs Revival

What a lack of a difference a year makes. Revival is fresh off getting beaten up by a bunch of legends Dawson chops at Anderson in the corner until a dropkick gets him out of trouble. Dawson makes a tag from the floor (not sure if you can do that) and the distraction lets him rake Gallows’ eyes, though it doesn’t really do much. The threat of a right hand sends Revival outside and we take a break. Back with Dawson snapping Anderson’s knee over the middle rope to give the Revival a target.

Anderson gets double teamed in the corner as the announcers ignore the match to talk about Brock Lesnar. The leglocking begins so Anderson kicks him square in the jaw for the break. That’s always going to work but it’s not enough to get the hot tag off to Gallows. Another kick away allows the tag to Gallows so the pace can pick up. House is cleaned but the Magic Killer is broken up as Anderson comes back in for some reason. Anderson is fine enough to hit a kick to the head in the corner, only to have a chop block finish Anderson at 9:14.

Rating: C. Another match that only served as filler for the sake of filling time, which is one of the most annoying things you can have. It’s a match that didn’t need to exist and only served to burn off a little more of the crowd’s energy before we get to the matches that actually matter. The match was fine, though just another match that didn’t serve much of a purpose.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

Open challenge it seems. Roode is defending, having won the title less than two weeks ago. Before the match, Roode talks about winning the title and being the Glorious One. Rawley plants him with a shoulder but Roode is right back with a hard clothesline. A Russian legsweep gets two but it’s way too early for a Glorious DDT. Instead Rawley sends him outside and into the barricade for two as we take a break. Back with Roode still in trouble as Rawley drives knees into the ribs.

We hit the chinlock until Roode belly to back suplexes his way to freedom. The Blockbuster is countered but Roode slips off and grabs a neckbreaker for two more. Now the Blockbuster gets two but the Glorious DDT is broken up again. A spinebuster gives Rawley two and he sends Roode shoulder first into the post. The running right hand is blocked with a boot though and the (not very) Glorious DDT retains the title at 7:37.

Rating: D+. I for one am very glad that we had to sit through this as well, with Roode barely breaking a sweat to retain the title in a match that was never in doubt. Roode isn’t exactly thrilling as a face but even worse is the fact that he got stuck with the US Title of Death, which has hurt just about everyone it’s touched for a long time now.

The opening video talks about the opportunity for all, both in the Royal Rumbles and in the triple threat. Thankfully the rest of the card gets some time as well, even if Brock Lesnar still looms over everyone.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Owens and Zayn are challenging in a handicap match as part of the Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon love/hate Owens/Zayn story which was more about Shane than anyone else. I miss Sami’s heel stuff as he really is someone you want to see get punched in the face. Owens lets Sami start but he tags right back out. It’s another tag a few seconds later as they’re clearly filling in time here. That’s not a complaint as there’s only so much that can be realistically done in a match like this.

AJ takes Owens down without much effort so Kevin slides to the floor and tags Sami in from the floor to a rather nice reaction. Sami headlocks AJ for little avail as Saxton GOES OFF on Graves in the most emotional outburst I’ve ever heard from him. A cheap shot lets Owens take over on AJ with a hard whip into the corner getting two. They head outside (Owens: “We’ll play outside!”) with AJ being whipped ribs first into the barricade.

Back in and Sami grabs a quickly broken chinlock, allowing AJ to come back up slugging away at Owens. A missed Cannonball in the corner bangs up Owens’ knee to put him down for a bit, allowing AJ to pull Sami off the top for a breather. Owens tries to come back in but can’t do much on the knee, meaning it’s back to Sami who charges into a boot in the corner.

The moonsault into the reverse DDT plants Sami but Owens is back up again. This time he throws AJ out of the corner but Styles catches Sami in a hurricanrana to send him outside. AJ grabs the Calf Crusher on Owens until Sami dives in for save. Owens, with his knee fine in a hurry, misses a charge into the post but is still able to superkick AJ into the Blue Thunder Bomb for a close two. Not exactly Sweet Chin Music into the Pedigree in the Cell but not bad. Important note: Sami had pinned AJ with the Blue Thunder Bomb earlier in the week, so the move was suddenly a threat. The little things like that can go a long way.

AJ slips out of a superplex attempt and scores with the Phenomenal Forearm to Sami as Owens makes a save. Sami dives over to Owens for a tag and gets sent outside, leaving Owens’ Pop Up Powerbomb to be countered into a rollup to retain AJ’s title at 15:50. The replay shows that Sami might not have actually tagged, meaning AJ pinned the wrong man.

Rating: C+. This was only going to be so good as you can only make AJ be so much of an underdog before he wins. Owens and Zayn are a great heel act but they just lost almost clean to one guy. Yeah it’s AJ Styles, but that’s not exactly the best way to present them. It doesn’t help that it’s just part of a story involving Shane McMahon as a screwy boss, but you know we’re not escaping him anymore.

Wrestlemania ad. I forgot how sick I got of that song.

Sami and Kevin complain to Shane about what happened and he really doesn’t care.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

Gable and Benjamin are challenging and this is 2/3 falls. Before the match, the Usos yell a lot about this being their house and how they’re going to win in the Uso Penitentiary. Shelton shoulders Jey down to start and Jey seems rather pleased. Gable comes in but a blind tag lets Jey come in and break up Rolling Chaos Theory. The challengers take a break on the floor before a chop block takes Jimmy’s knee out.

Shelton hits one of his own and it’s time to really work the knee over with a Robinsdale Crunch into a regular leglock. Some stereo running knees to the face drop Jimmy again and the charge continues to knock Jey off the apron as a bonus. Since WWE tends to do the same things over and over, the hot tag comes through a few seconds alter, allowing Jey to speed things up and hit a big dive to the floor.

Back in and a running hip attack in the corner looks to set up the Superfly Splash but Gable is up just in time. Some rollups get two as Shelton comes back in to load up a powerbomb. Chad has to dropkick Jimmy down instead though, leaving Shelton to powerbomb Jey into Jimmy instead. A good looking moonsault to the floor drops both Usos, though it’s not exactly enough to wake the fans up.

Rating: D+. The action wasn’t bad but what in the world was the point of the 2/3 falls stipulation? This was a watchable match but it wasn’t anything more than and the fans really didn’t care. I’m not sure what they were going for here and given that the whole show went over four hours, this really could have been cut to shave off nearly twenty minutes total.

Rumble By The Numbers. That never gets old.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals here, which has hit and miss results. Rusev is in at #1 and Finn Balor is in at #2. Aiden English does Rusev’s intro to a very, very strong reaction. You knew Philadelphia would be a Rusev Day town. Rusev wastes no time in trying to dumb Balor but has to take him down for an elbow instead. The running spinwheel kick cuts Balor off again and it’s Rhyno in at #3. Makes sense in the ECW Arena and I could go for Lawler making fun of ECW forever. Rhyno starts cleaning house and it’s already time for the ECW chants. Clotheslines abound until Rusev spinwheel kicks Rhyno down as well.

Baron Corbin is in at #4 because I couldn’t even avoid him back then. Corbin cleans a bit of the house and catches a charging Rhyno with Deep Six. That’s enough to toss Rhyno but Balor dumps Corbin a few seconds later to get us back to two. Corbin isn’t cool with that and pulls Balor to the floor (not eliminated) for a whip into the barricade. Rusev takes End of Days and everyone is down. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets dropped on the ramp to put everyone down again.

Elias, with guitar of course, is in at #6 and since everyone is down, let’s have a song! See, now this makes some sense and is a proper way to fill in some time and keep things fresh. After a kick to Slater on the way down the ramp, Elias confirms that the people do indeed want to walk with Elias. You always have to make sure of course. The song is about spitting in the face of the Rocky Statue (TOO FAR!) but the countdown clock cuts him off and it’s Andrade Cien Almas (NXT Champion with Zelina Vega) in at #7. Now that’s a nice move and having it happen the night after he won a classic match makes it even better.

Almas wastes no time in hitting the running knees in the corner but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. Bray Wyatt is in at #8 and walks rather to the ring rather quickly. Before he gets in, he beats Slater up on the floor and sends him into the barricade, meaning Slater still hasn’t gotten in yet. Balor gets up and saves Elias from Sister Abigail but gets knocked down as it’s all Wyatt. Big E. is in at #9 but first, we need to have some pancakes. A single belly to belly drops Wyatt, only to have Rusev pop up with a superkick to Big E.

Tye Dillinger somehow gets #10 again….but hang on a second as Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens jumps him from behind so Sami can take his spot (while knocking Slater down again to continue the running gag). That gives us Rusev, Balor, Slater (on the floor), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Zayn. Nothing of note happens until Sheamus is in at #11 and he even throws Slater inside….and gets clotheslined out just as fast. Sheamus’ shocked face is rather good, though the fans aren’t happy when Wyatt eliminates Slater a few seconds later. Everyone is down again until Xavier Woods is in at #12 so 2/3 of New Day can start to clean house, thereby waking the crowd up a bit.

The fans get way into the countdown as Apollo Crews is in at #13, which should kill the crowd all over again. I’m not sure why they’re so quiet here but maybe they’re waiting for the big finish instead. Again not much happens and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura at #14 to fill up the ring even more. The fans are into Nakamura as he starts cleaning house, including the running knee in the corner to get rid of Zayn for old times’ sake.

Cesaro is in at #15 and gets to clean house as the fans get behind Rusev. They’re quite fickle in Philadelphia. Kofi Kingston is in at #16 and the New Day is at full strength. Apollo nearly gorilla presses Cesaro out but gets sent to the apron himself, allowing Cesaro to uppercut him out. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 because we’re just that lucky. Woods dropkicks him into the corner but gets knocked off the top for the elimination. We didn’t even get anything from the full New Day in the whole thing?

Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well and it’s Seth Rollins in at #18 to a nice reaction. Rollins monkey flips Cesaro out as at least they’re keeping the eliminations flowing. Mahal goes to dump Kofi but Woods is still on the floor, meaning Kofi can land on him instead of the floor. Big E. offers a plate of pancakes for the other foot and a nice case of hopping lets Kofi get back in, complete with Big E. and Woods launching him back in. Trouble in Paradise eliminates Mahal and it’s time to cover him in pancakes. With the celebration rolling, Almas hits Kofi with the hammerlock DDT to get rid of Kofi.

Woken Matt Hardy is in at #19 (King: “Oh brother.”) and he goes straight for Elias with the rams into the corner. Matt and Bray get together and eliminate Rusev, much to the fans’ annoyance. That’s it for the teamwork as they slug it out and then eliminate each other to really clear the ring a bit. John Cena is in at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena. The other five are waiting for Cena and stomp him down, because they’re rather smart. They don’t go for the elimination though, because their intelligence is short sighted.

Cena dumps Elias (because Cena always ruins Elias’ night) and the Hurricane is in at #21, much to Cena’s shock. The Hurri-chokeslam is easily countered into an AA to get rid of Hurricane, who is shocked as well. Aiden English is in at #22 but the fans would rather argue about Cena. Adam Cole, with bad ribs, is in at #23 and you know these fans are going to like him. Balor (hey he’s still in this) eliminates English and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. Cena shrugs off an RKO attempt so Almas takes it instead and gets thrown out as the amount of entrants stays at a nice pace.

Titus O’Neil is in at #25 but no one seems worried about him. At least they know their history. Titus does actually beat up Nakamura in the corner as Cena and Orton have their contractually obligated fight until Intercontinental Champion The Miz is in at #26. That means house can be cleaned, including the YES Kicks to Rollins and Cena. A Skull Crushing Finale keeps Cena down but Rollins superkicks Miz.

Rey Mysterio makes a surprise appearance at lucky #27, marking his first appearance with the company since the night after Wrestlemania XXX. The pace gets to pick up and Cole is eliminated off a headscissors. Miz eats a 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28 to tick the fans off in a bad way. Almost everyone gets a right hand until it’s a showdown with Miz, who took Reigns’ Intercontinental Title on Raw earlier in the week.

Dolph Ziggler is in at #30 (Cole: “I thought he retired or something!” This was after Ziggler vacated the US Title and walked out without ever mentioning what he was doing. And now he’s right back, apparently saying that the US Title means nothing. Anyway the final group is Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Cena tries an AA on Ziggler, who flips out and lands on his leg, which probably should have counted as full on impact. Goldust scores with the snap powerslam but Ziggler easily puts him out with a superkick.

Some tuning up the band takes too long though and Ziggler is knocked to the apron so Balor can knock him out. They vacated the title to give Ziggler a two minute cameo. Well done indeed. We’re down to six and that’s a CRAZY deep field, with Nakamura being the least successful in WWE. Balor takes an AA and it’s a 619 to Reigns, followed by an RKO to Nakamura (Lawler: “COVER HIM! COVER HIM! Oh wait….”).

Reigns gets up with a Superman Punch to Orton for an elimination but it’s Mysterio with a double 619 to Reigns and Cena. Balor breaks up a springboard though and Mysterio is out to leave us with four. Everyone is down in a corner until it’s Cena vs. Nakamura and Reigns vs. Balor. Nakamura and Balor are knocked down so it’s a Reigns vs. Cena showdown but nothing happens before the other two are right back up. Nakamura’s running knee in the corner rocks Balor but he gets back in, only to get kicked square in the head.

Reigns is back up for a save this time and NOW we get Reigns vs. Cena for the big showdown. The slugout goes to Reigns but Balor gets up and starts firing off Sling Blades. Kinshasa is cut off with a running double stomp from Balor, only to have Cena pop up and throw Balor out to get us down to three. A Superman Punch puts Nakamura down but he’s right back up to kick Cena to the apron. Another knee sends Cena to the floor and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. I think you know who the fans are behind here.

They slug it out in the middle and it’s a Superman Punch to put Nakamura in trouble. Nakamura is sent to the apron but comes back with a triangle choke over the ropes. That’s rather stupid, though it’s also broken up with a powerbomb. The spear is cut off by a kick to the face and the middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns. Kinshasa gets blocked by a tackle to the face (called a spear) but the second attempt works just fine. Reigns is out on his feet and Nakamura tosses him out for the win at 1:05:29.

Rating: B-. This is one where you’re going to have to think about things for a bit. First and foremost, the winner is a fine choice. Nakamura hadn’t broken through yet and this is the kind of win that can help him do that (it didn’t, but it could have). Second, the last fifteen minutes or so with the final group was great stuff and full of drama as you could see anyone winning.

The problem is everything else, which isn’t terrible but it’s also not too great. The first part barely meant anything with just Balor being there from the beginning until the end. There were a few nice surprises and it doesn’t drag terribly or anything, but you really could skip about the first half hour and not miss much. It’s a completely watchable Rumble but it’s in the middle of the pack at best.

Post match Nakamura (or Shin as Cole keeps calling him because WWE likes to make Cole sound like an idiot) picks AJ Styles for Wrestlemania to really pop the crowd. Sounds awesome to me and for the most part, it was.

Next year’s Rumble is in Phoenix.

The bosses of the show trade bragging barbs. Watching a year later, I can’t believe how stupid these look now. WWE really thinks that we care about these stupid battling brand arguments. I have no idea why, but but that’s been their narrative for years. Stephanie says that no matter who wins the Women’s Royal Rumble, everyone will be surprised. That’s some nice foreshadowing.

We look at the KFC Colonel Sanders Rumble, with Ric Flair reenacting the 1992 Royal Rumble to win the whole thing. I still think this is some fever dream that they managed to record.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Jordan and Rollins are defending after winning the belts on Christmas night. It’s pretty clear that Jordan is filling in for the injured Dean Ambrose and that’s not a bad thing. Rollins and Cesaro start things off with Rolling taking over off a flying mare (you don’t see that one very often). It’s off to Sheamus but a quick Cesaro distraction prevents Jordan from coming in, meaning Rollins is driven back into the corner.

An enziguri gets Rollins a breather as the crowd is eerily silent. Cesaro breaks up the hot tag attempt to Jordan and sends him into the post, leaving Rollins to hit a suicide dive on both challengers. The medics are out checking on Jordan, though that might be making sure he doesn’t fall asleep. Cesaro grabs a chinlock, which is the last thing this match could possibly need. Rollins fights up and tries the springboard but gets clotheslined down by Cesaro.

A Demolition Decapitator and a double backbreaker give the Bar two each and Rollins is in big trouble. Sheamus misses a charge into the post though, giving Rollins a breather as Jordan is STILL down. Rollins gets the Blockbuster on Cesaro, followed by the Falcon Arrow for two. Super White Noise is broken up and Jordan is finally on the apron for a tag. He immediately grabs his head though and tags himself out. That’s fine with the Bar, as the spike White Noise gets the titles back at 12:50.

Rating: D. As you probably guessed, this was Jordan’s last “match”. I know he wasn’t the most thrilling guy in the world, but he was getting the hang of things until his neck just gave out on him and there was no coming back. At least he got a nice run and there’s a very real chance that he could get back in the ring one day. It’s not exactly fair to call the match bad….but it was really quite bad and the fans were just gone in a terrible way.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network.

We recap the Universal Title match. Brock Lesnar is a monster, two other monsters are challenging for his title, Braun Strowman is really strong and broke some stuff.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Lesnar is defending. Braun starts fast with running splashes in the corner and a running dropkick to Brock, followed by a knee to his head. Brock then UNLOADS on Strowman with right hands which look a lot like receipts from a former UFC Heavyweight Champion rather than working punches. Lesnar shouts something that sounds like SLOW DOWN as Kane gets back up. Brock grabs a chair which is knocked into his face, followed by a toss out to the floor.

Some shots with the steps put Lesnar and Kane down and it’s time for a pair of tables inside. With one set up in the corner, Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Lesnar making the save. Three rolling German suplexes….don’t do much to Strowman, who powerslams Lesnar through a table for two. Kane shoulders Strowman through the other table in the corner but again, Strowman is right up. A German suplex sends Lesnar outside but he’s fine enough to hit an F5 to send Strowman through the announcers’ table.

With that not being enough, Lesnar turns the other announcers’ table onto Strowman, literally burying him. Another F5 sends Kane through the other announcers’ table, because we need three of them at ringside. Strowman is back up, because of course he is, and Lesnar isn’t sure what to do. Back in and Lesnar takes two powerslams, only to have Kane make the save with some chair shots to Strowman. Lesnar pops up, sends both of them into each other, and F5’s Kane onto the chair to retain at 11:00.

Rating: D. There were some good power spots in there but this match didn’t need to be on the card either. Lesnar won another match that didn’t do anything for him and then walked off with the title for two and a half months, which was the case for FAR too long. I get the idea of keeping Strowman warm but they’re taking way too long to get anywhere.

We recap the Women’s Royal Rumble. Stephanie McMahon announced that we needed one and everyone nodded along because that’s how WWE works.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals, Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie is on commentary. As she comes to the ring, the announcers are all over themselves to suck up to her, with lines like “she’s a trailblazer but would never admit it”. Alexa Bliss and Charlotte (reigning Women’s Champions) are sitting at ringside. Sasha Banks is in at #1 and pre-Man Becky Lynch is in at #2 for a feeling out process to start. Neither can grab a submission hold and it’s a double clothesline, allowing Sarah Logan to come in at #3 and pick the bones.

She goes after Becky first but stops to point at the sign, meaning Becky is staying in. A headbutt drops Banks so everyone stands around until it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. The near eliminations abound as Stephanie gets into full on “person having an unnatural conversation” mode with Corey, making her rather annoying in her own right. Lita is in at #5 (in a #timesup shirt) to really fire the fans up for the first time in awhile.

Sasha and Becky stare her down and we get the slugout, which is rather cool when you consider how much of an inspiration she and Trish Stratus were on the current generation. Stephanie talks about how she and Lita were close over the years….and actually mentions CHYNA, which I didn’t think was allowed. Well I guess it’s cool if you’re Stephanie. Mandy is sent to the apron and hits a knee to Lita, who eliminates her without much effort. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and it’s a double spear to Lynch and Banks.

The Insane Elbow hits Banks and there’s one to Becky as Tamina (all in white for some reason) is in at #7. Lita drops her with a DDT because Tamina isn’t very good, setting up Twists of Fate to Lynch and Banks. There’s the moonsault to both of them and Lita throws Tamina out. Becky gets rid of Lita a few seconds later and it’s Dana Brooke in at #8. She goes straight for Sane in the corner….and actually eliminates her in a pretty big upset. Torrie Wilson is in at #9 and we now have to pretend that she was anything more than eye candy because she wrestled fifteen years ago.

Logan dropkicks her down as a TORRIE WILSON chant begins. A backdrop and dropkick to the knee get rid of Dana and it’s Sonya Deville in at #10. That means a kick to the ribs to get rid of Torrie (yes she looked great, and that’s about the extent of her value here). Liv Morgan is in at #11 and we hear about how much she idolized Lita. That likely applies to almost everyone in the match, which is rather cool given that Lita was in the match.

Things settle down again and it’s Molly Holly in at #12 to a rather big reaction. She dumps Logan with ease and there’s the Molly Go Round to Banks. They both fall to the floor (not out) and it’s Lana in at #13. These people are just coming and going at this point with very little other than nostalgia holding things together. Lana takes Liv down with a rather impressive spear and it’s Michelle McCool in at #14.

The fans immediately chant for the Undertaker as Michelle dumps Sonya. Morgan is out as well and Michelle gets rid of Molly with ease. Lana gets back up and is dumped just as well. Becky and Sasha double team Michelle to little avail as Ruby Riott is in at #15. No one can get anywhere and it’s Vickie Guerrero (the obvious comedy spot) in at #16. A bunch of EXCUSE ME’s earn her an elimination and it’s Carmella in at #17, but Vickie blasts her with the Money in the Bank briefcase to leave her laying on the floor.

Natalya is in at #18 (Stephanie: “Here she comes.” Natalya gets “here she comes”?) but Carmella decks her on the floor before it’s time to start the strutting. The Bexploder puts her down though and everyone is on the mat for a breather. Kelly Kelly is in at #19 and opts for some kicks in the corner as Natalya eliminates Michelle.

It’s Naomi in at #20, giving us Sasha, Becky, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly Kelly and Naomi. A bunch of Rear Views clean house and a kick to the head drops Banks. Sasha gets sent outside (not out, again) but Becky doesn’t have the same luck as Riott gets rid of her. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly as very little is going on at the moment. Nia Jax is in at #22 and gets rid of Kelly and Jacqueline without much effort. Riott gets tossed as well so Naomi fires off kicks. Jax throws her onto the big pile but Naomi lands on the barricade.

As she tries to figure it out, the injured Ember Moon is in at #23 and slugs away with one arm. Naomi walks the barricade and gets to the timekeeper’s area where she steals Menunos’ chair to crawl over to the steps for the improbable save. Back in….and Nia dumps her with ease. With everyone else on the floor, Beth Phoenix is in at # 24 and it’s time for a showdown.

Beth avoids a charge in the corner but can’t get her up in the fireman’s carry. Another attempt works to a big reaction as Natalya gets back in. They can’t get rid of Nia as they knock her to the floor (enough already) instead. Natalya quickly turns on Beth and throws her out as Carmella comes back in. Having this many women on the floor is ridiculous as you can’t remember who is still in.

Asuka is in at #25 to strike away, setting up the big reunion fight with Ember. Moon is fine enough for a one armed Eclipse but Asuka throws her out a few seconds later. So much for that. Mickie James is in at #26 and grabs a neckbreaker on Natalya. A bunch of near eliminations go nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella in at lucky #27, to a strong pop because we live in a random and chaotic universe. There’s a springboard kick to the face to put Banks down and it’s a spear to Natalya. Nikki throws Carmella out but everyone jumps onto the superwoman known as Nikki until Brie Bella comes out of retirement to come in at #28.

That means it’s time for the YES chants and some horrible running knees. The Bellas get their big moment (because they haven’t had one in a few minutes) and Nia is knocked to the floor (say it with me: without being eliminated). Bayley is in at #29 and gets to clean house until Asuka kicks her in the head. Trish Stratus is in at #30, which is quite the moment, though it was always going to be her or Rousey. That gives us a final grouping of Banks, Natalya, Jax, Asuka, James, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

After tackling Natalya, we get the Trish vs. Bellas showdown which I think only WWE believes matters. A double Stratusfaction drops the Bellas and it’s time for a real showdown with Trish vs. Mickie. The Stratusphere is blocked so Trish kicks her in the head for the elimination. Nia gets back in so the big beatdown is on with a couple of kicks sending her to the ropes. Everyone gets together for the elimination in a good moment. Sasha dumps Bayley in a bit of a stab in the back and it’s Natalya grabbing a Sharpshooter on Trish.

That’s broken up because it’s a worthless move here, allowing Trish to kick Natalya out to get us to five. Banks goes after Trish, who kicks her in the ribs and does Sasha’s dance (that works). That’s fine with Banks, who kicks Trish out but turns into Asuka. They decide to go for the Bellas but it winds up being all three going after Asuka in a smart move. Banks says she’s ready for Asuka and loads up the double knees in the corner, only to have the Bellas turn on her.

That leaves Asuka and the Bellas (plus probably fourteen women on the floor as you never can tell) with the former firing off kicks to both of them. Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki cuts Asuka off with the Rack Attack 2.0. A forearm knocks Brie out though as the sisters fight again. Asuka hits the missile dropkick on Nikki but she’s right back with a kick to the face. They both wind up on the apron with Asuka kicking the leg out (barely) for the win at 58:57.

Rating: B-. I remember being confused about what to think of this one last year and that’s the case again here. The legends needed to be there to flesh out the match and while there were some other options (NXT), I can go with this for the sake of history. This was designed to be more of a history of women’s wrestling over the years and there’s nothing wrong with that. They did a great job of making me want to see who was next as it was a nice mixture of all those generations. Having the nice mixture worked well and the right person won, so it’s hard to complain all that much. Stephanie was fine, though rather unnecessary.

Post match Charlotte and Alexa get in the ring to hold up the titles….and here’s Ronda Rousey to a huge reaction because she’s a star that was rumored to be in Columbia for this show. We get the most awkward sign pointing of all time (there’s an art to it) but Asuka won’t shake her hand. A bunch of staring and then high fiving fans, plus a handshake with Stephanie ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It wasn’t a very good show, but the two namesake matches delivered well enough and only the Universal Title match was really bad. The big story here was Ronda of course and that delivered (awkward pointing aside) so it’s hard to really call this anything but pretty good. The wrestling wasn’t great overall and, again, the show was way too long but the important stuff worked well and that’s how you get a nice show.

Ratings Comparison

Lucha House Party vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

Original: C

Redo: C

Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs. Revival

Original: C

Redo: C

Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

Original: D

Redo: D+

Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: C+

Usos vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: B-

Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan vs. The Bar

Original: C-

Redo: D

Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Original: B-

Redo: D

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: C+

I don’t remember the last time I was that far off on so many matches. I mean….dang man.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/28/royal-rumble-2018-i-had-fun-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips, Booker T.

The big night is finally here and for the first time ever we have two Royal Rumbles in one night. This time around we have a women’s version to go with the standard men’s version and that opens up the doors for a lot more surprise entrants. Of course it also opens the door for a lot more boring action if the last few Rumbles are any indication. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Drew Gulak/TJP/Jack Gallagher vs. Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado

Drew takes Kalisto down by the arm to start as the announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager. That just earns a few chants from the crowd, which Gulak of course can’t stand. It’s off to Gallagher vs. Metalik with Gran working on the knee until Lince and TJP come in to complete each trio’s ring time.

The announcers discuss dabbing until the villains are all sent outside. The three masked men hit stereo moonsaults from the same turnbuckle (very cool) to the floor as we take a break. Back with TJP kicking Lince in the ribs and handing it off to Gulak, who drops Dorado’s partners off the apron. Now the announcers speculate on the next General Manager, which is much more focused than you would expect from these guys.

Jack cranks on Dorado’s leg as about half of the HUGE group of empty seats opposite the hard camera is filled in. But hey, at least we have a meaningless match going on an hour and a half before the rest show starts. Gallagher goes to the middle rope, pauses to listen to Gulak telling him not to jump, and then misses a dive anyway. The hot tag brings in Metalik for the rope walk into the dropkick to put Gulak down. The rope walk elbow works just as well for two as everything breaks down. Stereo dives take Gallagher and Gulak down, leaving the Salida Del Sol to finish TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. Take any match between some combination of these guys that you might have seen on 205 Live and add five minutes to get this match. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to entice me to watch a pay per view but I’m sure WWE is smarter than I am on that front. Nothing special here, outside of that triple moonsault that is. This would have been fine as the only dark match but with two more, it could have been cut.

Kickoff Show: Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Rematch from Monday where Anderson and Gallows won, followed by the Revival getting destroyed by DX and Scott Hall. The Brian Pillman style trunks don’t really suit Revival but anything is better than Monday. Dawson gets sent outside to start for a breather before it’s Gallows tossing both of them around. Back from a break with Dawson working on Anderson’s knee with a string of elbow drops.

Wilder comes in to crank the knee even more but Anderson keeps kicking him away. Therefore, in a good tag team idea, Revival double teams him to keep the advantage. Now why is that so hard to figure out? Of course the hot tag goes through a few seconds later but at least they were trying. Everything breaks down and Gallows scores with a splash for two. Everything breaks down and the Magic Killer is broken up. Dawson sidesteps a charge to post Gallows and Dash’s chop block is good for the pin on Anderson at 9:11.

Rating: C. Well, it was better than Monday. I’m glad Revival won and now of course we’re likely to have the rubber match tomorrow night because WWE loves their trilogies. The leg stuff was fine here but the break in the middle didn’t do it many favors. At least the right team won though and that helps a lot.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode vs. ???

Roode is defending in an Open Challenge answered by….Mojo Rawley. The fans think Mojo sucks as he sends Roode into the corner and actually hammers him down as we take a break. Back with Mojo driving knees in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Roode fights up and hits a running forearm, followed by a neckbreaker for two. There’s the Blockbuster but the Glorious DDT is countered into a spinebuster. Back up and another Glorious DDT is countered into a backdrop but the running punch is blocked. Instead it’s a regular DDT to retain the title at 7:37.

Rating: D. This could have been on any house show and that’s not good as the Kickoff Show main event. Roode doesn’t have a ton of challengers and a lot of that is due to how so few people were treated as important for the sake of Jinder Mahal. They need some kind of a feud going here and Rawley isn’t the kind of person to do that.

The opening video doesn’t say much out of the ordinary but it does a very good job of setting up the big matches while treating the Rumble win as a big deal. It’s very nice that they gave the match some shine for once because they haven’t exactly treated it like it matters up to this point.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

AJ is defending in a handicap match. The challengers do have to tag and it’s Sami starting for the team. No contact and it’s off to Owens, who hangs on the ropes instead of going after the champ. Sami is already back in as there’s almost no contact in the first minute and a half. AJ wrestles Sami down but it’s already back to Owens, who takes AJ down, runs to the floor and tags Sami back in.

That means a drop down into a dropkick for Zayn as Byron and Graves have ANOTHER stupid argument that completely ignores the match. There’s a backdrop for two on AJ as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. Owens comes back in and unloads with right hands before sending AJ into the barricade. Almost all challengers so far. Owens gets in a double stomp and brings AJ into the corner for more right hands. An electric chair faceplant is good for two more and it’s off to the chinlock.

AJ fights up again and gets in a shot to Owens’ ankle, which was banged up on Smackdown in the first place. The Pele is enough to bring Sami back in but the Helluva Kick is blocked with a raised boot. Everything breaks down and Owens monkey flips Styles, who hurricanranas Zayn to the floor instead of crashing to the mat. The Calf Crusher has Owens ready to tap until Sami dives back in for the save.

Owens kicks AJ in the back of the head to knock him into the Blue Thunder Bomb, which of course only gets two (once in a lifetime you see). Another kick to the head puts Sami down this time and the springboard 450 is good for another near fall. They slug it out with AJ throwing Sami to the floor, only to eat a superkick from Owens. The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a rollup though and AJ retains (pinning the illegal man) at 16:08.

Rating: B. About what was expected here as there’s only so much you can do when the participants have been treated as background characters. I’m glad Bryan and Shane were left out but the match has been booked to make them the stars, meaning this is likely to continue. Some good action here, but it wasn’t the most thrilling match in the world.

Wrestlemania XXXIV ad.

Sami and Kevin ask Shane what he’s going to do. They can’t have another referee screw Owens out of another title. Shane says that yep, he did indeed see that. Nothing else is said.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable

The Usos are defending and this is 2/3 falls after Gable pinned the wrong Uso a few weeks back. In other words, the same ending as the previous match, again showing the limited creative abilities of WWE. Gable can’t hit a German suplex on Jimmy to start so it’s some chops to the chest in the corner. A distraction lets Chad get in a chop block though and Jimmy is in trouble early on.

Benjamin drives knees into the bad knee as the challengers start cutting the ring off for an old NWA feel. Shelton stops to yell at the crowd though and it’s an enziguri to cut him off. The hot tag brings in Jey, who dives through the ropes to take out both challengers in a row. Back in and Gable gets two off a tiger suplex (I haven’t seen that one in years), followed by a powerbomb to send Jey into Jimmy.

Pay Dirt gives Shelton two and the bug eyed look on the kickout is funnier than it should be. It’s back to Gable who moonsaults onto both champions on the floor but Gable can’t pin the illegal Uso. That means a superkick into the Superfly Splash for two in a surprise near fall. The double Superfly Splash is broken up so Gable loads up Rolling Chaos Theory.

That’s broken up as well and four straight superkicks end Gable at 12:21. Gable and Benjamin beat the heck out of both champs to start the second fall. A rolling Liger Kick hits Jey and Chad goes up, leaving Shelton to get small packaged to retain the titles in two straight falls at 13:47.

Rating: B-. That was kind of a surprising ending but it’s not like it really matters. The Bludgeon Brothers (who have kind of disappeared in recent weeks) are pretty clearly the next challengers and it should be a fun match when we get to it. I’m not sure what happens to Benjamin and Gable at this point but they’ve proven to be a good team who deserve more time.

Rumble by the Numbers video.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary for the Rumble.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals this year. Rusev is #1 (with Aiden English singing him to the ring) and Finn Balor (in red here) is in at #2 to a very strong reaction. Balor gets sent to the apron early on but gets back in without too much effort. Rhyno is in at #3 and gets in a showdown with Rusev that doesn’t go much of anywhere. Balor is back up and it’s Baron Corbin in at #4 to quickly eliminate Rhyno.

Finn is right behind Corbin though and gets rid of him as well, sending Corbin into a rage. That means Balor is pulled to the floor for a whip into the barricade (shoulder first) and End of Days on the floor to Rusev. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets run over on the ramp. Everyone is down and it’s Elias in at #6, playing the guitar (and kicking Slater in the head) on the way to the ring.

It’s time for a song about spitting in the Rocky statue’s face but the countdown clock cuts him off. NXT Champion Andrade Cien Almas is in at #7 (running Slater over again as we have a running joke) and a running elbow puts Elias into the corner. The running knees rock Elias again but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. A hard clothesline drops Almas and it’s Bray Wyatt in at #8.

Naturally Slater gets laid out again and there’s a release Rock Bottom to Elias. Balor comes back in to break up Sister Abigail (again, thank goodness). Big E. is in at #9 and gives Slater some pancakes instead of beating him up. Bray is waiting on him with Cole saying Bray has been so dominating since entering. IT’S BEEN LIKE TWO MINUTES!

Rusev is back in but can’t get rid of Almas. Tye Dillinger is in at #10 (again), giving us Balor, Rusev, Slater (still not in the ring), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Dillinger. Actually hang on a second as we cut to the back to see Dillinger getting beaten down by Owens and Zayn. Sami is taking his place and continues the tradition by jumping Slater.

Sheamus is in at #11 and throws Slater in….who immediately eliminates Sheamus (on his BIRTHDAY). Bray dumps Slater almost immediately and it’s Xavier Woods in at #12. Woods and Big E. double team Sami and a wheelbarrow slam into a splash hits Elias. Rusev can’t get rid of Big E. and it’s Apollo Crews in at #13. Apollo gets in a good looking jumping enziguri on Bray as Byron is now anti-Zayn as he tries to show a personality.

Balor escapes Sister Abigail and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura in at #14. Sami is waiting on him in a Takeover: Dallas flashback as the fans sing Nakamura’s song. There are WAY too many people in there and some eliminations are needed. Nakamura fires off some kicks and it’s Good Vibrations for Elias. The running knee in the corner gets rid of Sami and Cesaro is in at #15, giving us Balor, Rusev, Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E., Woods, Crews, Nakamura and Cesaro.

Uppercuts abound without much happening and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #16 to put New Day at full strength. Cesaro cuts him off with an uppercut but Crews gorilla presses Cesaro….to the apron at least but he gets back in. Instead a shot to the back gets rid of Crews to thin the ring out a bit. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 and goes after Woods, who dropkicks him into the corner. Woods is dumped a few seconds later though and Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well.

Seth Rollins is in at #18 (now with flames on his tights) and gets rid of Cesaro in short order. Mahal sends Kofi over the top but he lands on Xavier….and then on a plate of pancakes. Big E. and Woods launch him from the floor over the ropes and over Mahal, who gets caught with Trouble in Paradise for the elimination. As the rest of New Day throws pancakes at Mahal, Almas hits the hammerlock DDT and eliminates Kofi in a pretty big upset.

Matt Hardy is in at #19 for a standoff with Bray, which is broken up by Rusev. Bray and Matt actually start working together and get rid of Rusev (the fans are NOT pleased) before fighting each other. They eliminate each other and it’s John Cena at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena.

Everyone jumps Cena at the same time in a smart move but then let him up, allowing him to AA Elias out. The Hurricane of all people is in at #22 (which Cole calls a superhero persona which was a huge hit with kids years ago) and tries a chokeslam but gets tossed out by Cena. Hurricane lands on the pancakes, nearly slips, and then does his pose over and over again on the way to the back. Aiden English is in at #22 and goes after Rollins before switching to Balor.

Adam Cole (with taped ribs) from NXT is in at #23 to a very nice reaction. Balor kicks English off the ropes for an elimination and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. An RKO drops Almas and there he goes after a strong performance. Things settle down a bit and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #25. Cole gets sent to the apron but slides back in, leaving Titus to chop Nakamura in the corner. Miz is in at #26 and starts fast with the YES Kicks, followed by a Skull Crushing Finale on Cena.

Lucky #27 is the returning Rey Mysterio to get rid of Cole in a hurry. The Miz takes 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28. You can feel the pain from the booing. Reigns goes after Miz and hits the jumping clothesline, followed by the clotheslines in the corner. Titus gets eliminated but the Miztourage saves Miz from the same fate. Rollins Curb Stomps Miz but gets into a showdown with Reigns. A DoubleBomb gets rid of Miz but Reigns turns on Rollins to get rid of him as well.

Goldust is in at #29 and hurts himself headbutting Reigns. Cena gets beaten up as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler (POP) in at #30, giving us a final group of Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Goldust is out in a hurry and Balor kicks Ziggler out, making him one of the most inconsequential #30s in recent memory. Rey, Cena and Orton get together in one corner, Nakamura and Balor are in another and Reigns is on his own (how appropriate).

Balor takes a quick AA followed by the 619 to Reigns. There’s an RKO to Nakamura but Cena blocks another attempt. A Superman Punch lets Reigns get rid of Orton and a double 619 hits Reigns and Cena (with Cena loudly talking to Reigns while they wait). Balor throws Mysterio out to get us down to four meaning everyone goes to a corner.

We get the big staredown as the fans are behind Nakamura. Cena throws a You Can’t See Me at Balor and hammers on Nakamura while Reigns beats on Balor. That gives us the big showdown as the fans think they both suck. No one throws a punch as Balor and Nakamura get back up, giving us a much better received showdown. The running knees in the corner put Balor on the apron but he kicks a charging Nakamura in the head. Another kick to the head rocks Balor but he scores with a basement dropkick.

Reigns and Cena are back up again with Cena charging into a Samoa drop. The Superman Punch is countered with a ProtoBomb but the Shuffle is broken up with a Sling Blade. Balor hits the shotgun dropkick on Reigns but Nakamura kicks Balor in the face. Balor’s standing double stomp cuts off Kinshasa and Cena tosses Balor to get us down to three. Reigns slips out of an AA and hits the Superman Punch on Cena. The spear is cut off by the AA and Nakamura puts Cena on the apron.

A running kick to the face gets rid of Cena and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. That means COME ON and Reigns does so with a Superman Punch. Reigns sends him to the apron but gets kicked in the head but Nakamura grabs a hanging triangle over the apron. A powerbomb brings Nakamura back in and they’re both down again.

It’s Reigns up first but the spear is cut off with a kick to the face. A middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns but Kinshasa is hit with a spear to put them both down again. Nakamura grabs the ropes to hang on and another running knee drops Roman, setting up the elimination to give Nakamura the win at 65:32.

Rating: A. Best Rumble in years, though that’s not exactly saying much. The important thing here was they went with a popular name to win the Rumble, which has been lacking in recent years. Nakamura winning really surprised me as I never thought they would actually do it but I’ll take what I can get.

They laid the match out nicely here as things took a little time to get going but the final ten to fifteen minutes were excellent with the final six all being solid options. I wasn’t dreading this one at all and it made the match that much better. This was a lot of fun and the way the Rumble should go, with one of the best endings in a long time. Great match.

The Smackdown bosses are celebrating in the back when Stephanie McMahon and Kurt Angle come in to say Raw will win later. Daniel and Shane (buddies again) don’t seem to care.

Post match Nakamura is asked who he wants to face at Wrestlemania. Fans: “PLEASE SAY STYLES!” Nakamura: “AJ STYLES!”

There was a Royal Rumble to determine the next Colonel Sanders with Ric Flair winning. He has the wrinkles for it.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Rollins and Jordan are defending with Seth and Sheamus starting things off. Seth gets driven into the corner with Cesaro offering a distraction to keep Jordan away from interfering. Jordan is ready for the hot tag but Cesaro pulls him down (I thought that was the heel turn) and posts him into near unconsciousness. Back in and Sheamus’ top rope clothesline gets two as the double beatdown is on, made especially worse by Seth’s long Rumble run.

Seth finally sends Sheamus into the post to get it back to even, followed by a Sling Blade and Blockbuster. Sheamus comes back in for the save but Rollins drops both of them for a double frog splash. As Seth gets up, Jordan is STILL sitting on the steps, leaving Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick. The super White Noise gives us new champions at 13:03. Jordan was never in the match.

Rating: C-. This was an angle instead of a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. For some reason we seem to be waiting on Jordan vs. Rollins at Wrestlemania, even though that doesn’t quite blow my skirt up. The match was stuck in the cool down spot after the great Rumble and that was the right spot for it.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Basically you have three monsters fighting each other and breaking things to hurt each other, meaning it’s time to get violent.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Brock is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Strowman wastes no time in cleaning house, including a hard knee to Brock’s head. That’s fine with Brock who starts throwing punches, only to have Kane score with a chokeslam. Brock grabs a chair but Braun punches it away and drops everyone.

Shots with the steps clean house and it’s time for a pair of tables. Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Brock making the save and it’s time for Suplex City. Braun pops up like a daisy and powerslams Brock through a table with Kane making the save this time. Kane is tossed away again (it’s almost like he’s completely unnecessary in this match until the ending) and it’s time for the announcers’ table.

Braun takes too long though and it’s an F5 to drive him through instead. Brock turns the other table over Braun (Corey: “I’m about to throw this German guy in front of me!”) and F5’s Kane through another. Braun gets up again and sends Brock into the steps, followed by the powerslam. Kane makes the save and sends Braun outside, setting up an F5 onto the chair to retain Brock’s title at 10:12.

Rating: B-. Well duh. The world knows that Braun is ready to be World Champion and should have been like six months ago but Vince McMahon and seemingly Vince McMahon alone wants to see Reigns take the title from Brock. Again, as has been the case many, many times: none of this is important because we’re just sitting around waiting on Reigns to take the title like we’ve been waiting for for nearly a year now. After that, I have no idea where they go and I’m not sure WWE does either. This was fun, but exactly as expected.

Trailer for Andre the Giant’s HBO documentary.

We get a video on the women’s Royal Rumble with a focus on the Revolution (and Stephanie of course) with everyone talking about how important this is.

Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie McMahon is guest commentator, with Cole reading off her resume (and saying Stephanie will tell you about her trailblazing). Alexa Bliss and Charlotte come out to watch at ringside.

Women’s Royal Rumble

Sasha Banks (in Wonder Woman gear) is in at #1 and Becky Lynch is in at #2 to give us a good start. Becky blocks an early elimination attempt and we talk about how nervous Stephanie is. The Bank Statement is broken up and it’s a double clothesline as Sarah Logan is in at #3. Logan clotheslines Becky down but Sasha makes a questionable save. Becky gets stomped down in the corner and it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. Mandy can’t get rid of Sasha and it’s LITA in at #5.

Sasha and Becky aren’t sure what to do so they opt with kicking her in the stomach. Mandy jumps Lita from behind and gets placed on the apron, followed by a hard shot for the first elimination. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and chops Lita into the corner as Cole talks about her “yacht persona”. She’s not Ashley Remington (bet you didn’t think I knew that one) because SHE’S A FREAKING PIRATE! Sane kicks Sasha down and drops the Insane Elbow, followed by another to Becky as Tamina is in at #7.

Lita starts hitting the Twists of Fate and hits a double moonsault onto Sasha and Becky (more like her falling backwards instead of any kind of jump but give her a break). That means the YOU STILL GOT IT chant before she eliminates Tamina, only to get dumped by Becky. That’s all this needed to be from Lita and it worked to perfection. Dana Brooke is in at #8 and actually dumps Kairi before stomping on Sasha in the corner.

Torrie Wilson is in at #9 (oh give me a break) and it’s time to prove why she wasn’t a wrestler. Logan dropkicks her down but Torrie pops up and eliminates Dana. Sonya Deville is in at #10, giving us Banks, Lynch, Logan, Wilson and Deville. Sonya starts firing off knees and gets rid of Torrie (thank goodness). Liv Morgan is in at #11 so the Squad can start getting together. No one is tossed though and it’s Molly Holly in at #12.

Molly gets rid of Logan and hits the Molly Go Round on Sasha. Lana is in at #13 and is immediately taken down by Morgan and Deville. She actually gets fired up and slaps her way to freedom as Michelle McCool is in at #14. That means an UNDERTAKER chant as she gets rid of Logan, Morgan and Holly. Sasha and Becky are down on the floor (not eliminated) as Michelle gets rid of Lana as well. With Michelle alone, Becky and Sasha get back in and it’s Ruby Riott at #15, giving us Michelle, Becky, Sasha and Ruby.

Vickie Guerrero is in at #16 and shouts EXCUSE ME over and over but everyone stares her down. She tries to bail and is tossed with ease (I guessed that as a comedy spot and it’s as perfect as I thought it would be). Carmella is in at #17 but Vickie takes the Money in the Bank briefcase to knock her silly. Natalya is in at #18 and throws her gear on Carmella, who pulls Natalya off the apron. That’s enough for Carmella to get in for some superkicks and it’s Kelly Kelly in at #19. Kelly fends off an early elimination as Natalya gets rid of McCool.

Naomi is in at #20, giving us Banks, Lynch, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly and Naomi at the moment. Becky goes up for some reason and gets dumped by Riott. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly. Nia Jax is in at #22, meaning it’s time to clear the ring. Jacqueline is out first, followed by Kelly with ease. Natalya is sent outside (through the ropes), leaving Nia to press Riott onto the top turnbuckle and then out to the floor. Naomi goes after Nia’s legs but tries a hurricanrana.

Nia knocks her off the apron but the pile catches her, allowing Naomi to land on the barricade. NXT Women’s Champion (with a bad arm) is in at #23 with a springboard kick to Nia’s face. Nia sends her flying as Naomi is walking across the barricade to steal Maria’s chair on wheels. She then crawls across the floor using her hands and the wheels on the chair….only to have Nia catch her coming back in and toss her out. I smiled at the irony. Beth Phoenix is in at #24 and this could be a lot of fun.

Phoenix is a lot closer to Nia’s size than I expected and manages a fireman’s carry but can’t eliminate Nia. Natalya’s help doesn’t work very well as they knock Nia through the ropes. That means a hug and of course Natalya turns on her and gets rid of Beth. Carmella (never eliminated) comes back in to jump Natalya from behind….and it’s Asuka at #25. There’s the hip attack to Carmella and it’s time for the showdown with Ember Moon.

Ember actually hits a one armed Eclipse but Asuka goes after the bad arm and gets rid of her. Sasha (also never eliminated) gets back in and it’s Mickie James in at #26. That goes nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella getting lucky #27 (well duh). That means the JOHN CENA SUCKS song but Carmella takes Nikki into the corner for the Staten Island Shuffle (not the Moon Walk Stephanie). Nikki powers her up though and a neck snap across the top rope gets rid of Carmella.

Brie Bella is in at #28 to save her sister from a big beatdown. The Bellas get their big moment (their latest one for those of you who have lost track) and knock Nia off the apron. A double suplex puts Natalya down and it’s Bayley in at #29. Asuka kicks Bayley in the head in short order but can’t get rid of her. It’s Trish Stratus in at #30 (not exactly shocking and that’s not a bad thing) to give us a final group of Sasha, Natalya, Nia, Asuka, Mickie, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

Stratus gets to clean house and hits a double Stratusfaction before getting into a showdown with Mickie. James misses a charge and gets tossed, meaning it’s time for everyone to go after Nia. She shrugs them all off but the Bellas choke her on the ropes, allowing everyone else to join in and get rid of Nia. Sasha of course turns on Bayley for the elimination and we’re down to six.

Natalya puts Trish in the Sharpshooter for some reason and is broken up just as quickly. The Chick Kick eliminates Natalya but Trish mocks Sasha’s Boss pose, meaning the Stratusfaction is broken up to get rid of Stratus. Sasha turns around to meet Asuka but they decide to get rid of the Bellas….for all of three seconds until Sasha decks Asuka from behind. Sasha calls the Bellas off so she can beat on Asuka in the corner but the Twins dump her out as she tries the double knees.

So we’re down to the Bellas and Asuka and it’s time for the YES Kicks to both Twins (there’s a joke there that I’m not touching). Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki decks Asuka, followed by the Rack Attack 2.0. Nikki decks Brie to get rid of her though and it’s down to two. Asuka is on the apron and hits a missile dropkick but Nikki’s spinning middle rope kick catches her in the face. Nikki puts her on the apron for the big forearm….which doesn’t end it. Instead Asuka grabs a headscissors to put Nikki on the apron but Asuka kicks kicks her in the leg for the elimination to win at 58:47.

Rating: B. I know a lot of people are going to be annoyed about the amount of legends (and the amount of botches) in there but my goodness what else were you expecting? The women’s division is about twenty people deep and I’d rather have people like McCool, Lita and Trish in there to give us either a good performance or appearances from people who are legitimate trailblazers (not McCool obviously but she did quite well). I was surprised by the lack of NXT names but what we got was fine, save for the Iconic Duo still not appearing.

The match itself was fine, albeit a bit predictable. You knew Asuka was the heavy favorite and really, it’s not like there were many other solid options. Aside from Jax, who really else was there? Banks or Lynch? Well maybe, but Asuka getting the title needs to be a big deal and one of those two can take the other title. Either way…..uh, back in a minute.

Oh and Stephanie’s commentary was annoying but acceptable. She didn’t need to be there and added nothing at all but she could have been worse. Sounded very much like a fan who wasn’t the most polished but it was fine.

Overall Rating: A-. I loved the heck out of this show as they made the Rumbles FUN. That’s been sorely, sorely lacking in recent years and they made up for it tonight. The Rumbles are interesting by definition but above all else, these matches were a good time as I kept waiting to see who was coming out next. I was actually worried about Reigns and Nikki winning so well done on some false drama. This did everything it needed to do, including setting up a major Wrestlemania match. I had a great time with this show and that’s what the Rumble is supposed to be. Well done all around and a great show.

Results

AJ Styles b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – Rollup to Owens

Usos b. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan – Small package to Benjamin

Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

The Bar b. Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan – Super White Noise to Rollins

Brock Lesnar b. Kane and Braun Strowman – F5 to Kane

Asuka won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Nikki Bella

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Superstar Spectacle
Date: January 26, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Shahoz Ali

This is the start of WWE’s latest attempt to make it into India, as we are getting a special (taped in Florida, like everything else) featuring WWE stars in the ring with Indian stars. Eventually we could be seeing an NXT India out of the whole thing so consider this getting the feet wet. Let’s get to it.

This is being broadcast on television in India so there will be some commercials included despite it being a Network special. It is airing on Republic Day, which is the anniversary of the day India became a republic (seems like something similar to (I’m aware it’s not the same) the 4^th of July for Americans). Cool.

HHH narrates a video (I know this because we get a Narrated By Triple H graphic) about WWE’s history in India, showing various wrestlers in the country over the years, including footage of Bret Hart with the Winged Eagle belt to show you how far back things go. Various stars of Indian descent talk about what this means to them and now it is time to start a new future. HHH talks over clips of new Indian wrestlers (complete with name graphics as these people are mostly making their debuts) and we’re ready to go.

The fans on the Thunderdome screens are all from India.

We get a video on Guru Raaj, who is a high flier who came from a rough childhood, including being run over by a tractor. Well that’s extreme.

Finn Balor vs. Guru Raaj

Non-title. Balor armbars him down but Raaj snapmares his way to freedom and puts on an armbar of his own. Back up and we hit the standoff so Balor headlocks him down. Raaj is back up with a headlock takeover of his own but this time Balor rolls out and hits a basement dropkick. We take a break and come back with Raaj fighting out of an abdominal stretch. An elbow to the face sets up a backsplash, with Raaj getting up but then remembering he wanted to nip up instead.

Balor takes him into the corner and unloads with stomps before chopping Raaj into another corner. The Sling Blade connects but the shotgun dropkick is countered with an enziguri for two. A bunch of kicks, capped off by a jumping shot to the head, sets up a high crossbody for two. That’s enough for Ali to remember that he’s on commentary and actually say something, but the shotgun dropkick quiets him down all over again. The Coup de Grace into 1916 finishes Raaj at 10:39.

Rating: C. All things considered, this was not bad at all. Raaj has not been training long (a year, which is nothing in wrestling) and while he looked a little unsure and rough at times, he certainly did not embarrass himself. There is no shame in losing to a former World Champion so this went as well as could be expected and gives me hope for what we’re going to be seeing.

We get a post match handshake (side note: I’m not sure if it’s the new 8k cameras, but there have been some shots that look like they’re in either a movie or a video game and they’re messing me up every single time).

We meet Giant Zanjeer, who, like many others on this show, was trained by Great Khali. He thinks if he trains hard, he can be champion too.

We meet Dilshar Shanky, who is 7’ tall and wants to do this for his parents.

Rey Mysterio/Giant Zanjeer/Dilsher Shanky/Ricochet vs. Cesaro/King Corbin/Shinsuke Nakamura/Dolph Ziggler

So Nakamura is a heel again (or at least he’s teaming with them) and Ziggler isn’t even in there with his regular partner? Shanky goes 7’ and is the second tallest member of the team, after the 7’2 Zanjeer. Well that should get them noticed somewhere. Ziggler goes for Shanky’s leg to start and is tossed into the corner without much trouble. Nakamura tries a cheap shot and is thrown into the corner for the big running splash. Zanjeer comes in, tosses Corbin onto the pile, and adds a chop. Cesaro thinks better of fighting both giants on his own and we take a break.

Back with Cesaro throwing Mysterio back inside and handing it off to Nakamura, who sends Mysterio into the corner. Corbin gets in a few shots and brings Ziggler back in as they take turns on Ziggler. All of the villains get together to knock the giants and Ricochet to the floor but Rey manages to hurricanrana Corbin into the corner. That’s enough for the hot tag off to Ricochet, who grabs a spinning suplex. The standing shooting star gets two on Ziggler, who is right back with the Zig Zag.

Ricochet slips away and brings in Zanjeer, who cleans house with some big shoulders. Shanky comes back in and drops and elbow for two but gets swarmed by everyone else. Everything breaks down and Zanjeer throws Ricochet onto the pile on the floor. Cesaro dumps Zanjeer to the floor but gets booted in the face by Shanky. That sets up the 619 and the splash off of Shanky’s shoulders lets Rey pin Cesaro at 9:58.

Rating: C+. Again, this worked because they aren’t letting these guys out of their comfort zones. The giants are going to be limited because they’re so big, but they didn’t do anything outside of standard big man stuff. The key to that is the did the basic stuff well, which is WAY better than trying something complicated and screwing it up. They got in, did their stuff well, and got out to let the veterans do the main work. This went well and the giants looked pretty good at what they were doing.

Rey and Ricochet get on the giants’ shoulders to celebrate.

WWE is working with a charity to help girls get scholarships. Nothing wrong with that.

Paul Heyman and Roman Reigns aren’t happy but wish us a happy Republic Day.

Video on Jeet Rama, whose grandfather was a wrestler and apparently has been with WWE for a good many years without ever making it to television.

AJ Styles vs. Jeet Rama

Omos is here with AJ. Rama is a multiple time national champion in some form of grappling and has some size to him (not a giant, but fairly tall and has some muscle on him). AJ goes for the arm to start but gets taken into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs. Rama’s armbar is broken up with a shot to the head and AJ knocks him to the floor for the slingshot forearm.

We take a break and come back with AJ holding a chinlock as Cole says Rama is following in the footsteps of stars like Runjin Singh. Rama gets in a pair of suplexes for two but AJ catches him on top for a drop onto the turnbuckle. It’s too early for the Styles Clash so AJ settles for the Calf Crusher. The hold stays on for a good bit until Rama manages to drive AJ’s head into the mat for the break. Rama gets in a belly to belly but Omos breaks up a belly to belly superplex. The Phenomenal Forearm finishes at 11:42.

Rating: C. You can tell that Rama has a lot more experience and a style that works for him, but the match was only ok. The lack of even a limp after spending that long in the Calf Crusher didn’t help, but Omos interfering to (possibly) save Styles worked. Perfectly watchable match as this show continues to work out well.

Post match, AJ and Omos give Rama some applause.

Video on Indus Sher, who you might remember from a very brief run as a monster team in NXT. One of them was on a popular TV show and the other was a professional baseball player and the subject of the movie Million Dollar Arm.

Big E. and Xavier Woods to introduce a Bollywood dance but here are the Street Profits to help them. The four of them introduce a musical dance troupe for a pretty cool performance. More men and women dance in the ring with the rest of the troupe joining them. This looked rather awesome.

Great Khali, surrounded by I’m assuming his students, says what sounds like something positive.

Charlotte/Sareena Sandhu vs. Bayley/Natalya

Bayley and Sandhu have the same trainer. Charlotte’s gear is in the colors of the Indian flag and she shrugs off Natalya’s wristlock to start. Bayley comes in so Charlotte sends both of them into the corner. It’s off to Sandhu for a double high crossbody and stereo baseball slides put Bayley and Natalya on the floor as we take a break (with Charlotte and Sandhu dancing a bit).

Back with Charlotte suplexing Bayley and hitting the backbreaker into the Downward Spiral into the corner. Sandhu gets two off a butterfly suplex and a small package gets the same on Natalya. Bayley offers a distraction though and Natalya kicks Sandhu to the floor. The leglock has Sandhu in trouble but she reverses into one of her own. That’s enough to bring Bayley in for the save and she knocks Charlotte off the apron for a bonus. Charlotte kicks Bayley in the face but Natalya clotheslines Sandhu down. The Sharpshooter goes on but Charlotte makes the save with Natural Selection, giving Sandhu the pin at 6:08.

Rating: C-. Probably the weakest match of the night but it’s not like it was anything bad. Natalya isn’t going to give up anything by taking a fall here and it gives Sandhu a little credibility. They kept this moving and the match worked out fine enough and it’s ok that Sandhu needed a bit of help to pin Natalya.

Video on Kavita Devi, who had to miss the show due to a family emergency in India. She has been in a few battle royals and the Mae Young Classics and wants to be a role model in India.

Here’s Ric Flair (they really will put him on anything) to say how cool it is to have this many fans from India here and wishes everyone a happy Republic Day.

Jinder Mahal/Bollywood Boyz vs. Drew McIntyre/Indus Sher

McIntyre’s entrance cuts off Mahal’s usual speech. Drew says he’s glad to have Mahal back but you NEVER interrupt Ric Flair. Mahal has a nice three man team but McIntyre has his own three man band of destruction and introduces Indus Sher, who are about McIntyre’s size. McIntyre and Mahal (now mostly bald) start things off but it’s off to Sunil Singh, who hits McIntyre in the face.

That goes very badly for him and it’s off to Rinku for a big elbow. Saurav comes in for a World’s Strongest Slam so Samir comes in to get beaten up as well. Samir is tossed over the top and onto Sunil and it’s the good guys clearing the ring as we take a break. Back with Samir slipping over Rinku’s back and hammering away before handing it off to Mahal. Rinku goes shoulder first into the post and Sunil gets two off a top rope elbow.

Samir’s armbar doesn’t exactly work so he tries to pull on Rinku’s leg instead. Mahal has some more luck with the armbar but he makes the misatke of going after Saurav, allowing Rinku to get in a shot to the face. The hot tag bring in McIntyre to clean house but a jumping knee cuts off the Claymore. Saurav comes in and wrecks the Boyz, leaving McIntyre to Claymore Mahal. A side slam/middle rope elbow combination (the replay was quite the relief as I had thought it was a horribly missed legdrop) finishes Sunil at 9:04.

Rating: C. They had the more experienced guys in the main event here and that was a good idea as it felt like a better match all around. McIntyre and Mahal having enough of a history worked out well and it means something to have Mahal in there, just due to the success that he had. Perfectly fine main event here and McIntyre being in there makes sense as one of the faces of the company.

A bunch of people and the dance troupe come out to applaud to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I’d call this a rather nice success as the whole point was just getting a little sample of what you could see in an NXT India. The wrestlers need a lot of experience (which is where a Performance Center can come into play) but they were far from terrible here. Granted it helps to be in there with some of the best workers in WWE, but that’s the exact right idea. Have some veterans in there who can keep things as under control as possible. It’s not a great show on its own, but it did what it was supposed to do and felt cool. There is a long way to go, but for a start, it worked out well.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2016
Date: January 24, 2016
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 15,170
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

Pre-Show: Mark Henry/Jack Swagger vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Darren Young/Damien Sandow vs. Ascension

The opening video recaps the only thing that matters here with the tagline of One vs. All. I liked that last year and I still do.

Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Usos

Rating: B-. This took some time to get rolling but once everything broke down, it was as good as you would expect from these teams. New Day is clearly the future of the division despite being champs for nearly five months at this point. Catching a top rope splash out of the air is really impressive as the champs continue to show that they have the ring work to back up their charisma.

We look back at Brock Lesnar beating up the League of Nations, followed by Reigns spearing Brock. The Wyatts then beat Reigns and Brock up to make themselves a threat for later tonight.

US Title: Kalisto vs. Alberto Del Rio

Pre-show recap.

Charlotte takes over and grabs a cravate as the fans are WAY behind Becky here. Like moreso than usual. Thankfully Charlotte mocks the chants before doing the headscissor faceplants followed by the Figure Four necklock. Becky gets out and starts firing off dropkicks to take over but a neckbreaker puts Charlotte right back in control.

Some fans went to the Performance Center under the ruse of being part of a focus group. The wound up getting to meet a full tour of the facility and met most of the NXT roster. Note to self: sign up for focus groups.

Rumble By the Numbers video, which is still one of my favorite annual traditions. This is tied in with the stats that Reigns, who is entering at #1, has to overcome to retain the title.

WWE World Title: Royal Rumble

This goes on so long that Stardust comes in at #14. Rusev splashes Reigns through the table as we have NO IDEA what is going on in the ring during all this. While we were gone, Jericho eliminated Kingston which was of course ignored by the announcers. Now for the stupid part: Vince and the Nation JUST LEAVES.

to eliminate Ziggler a few seconds later.

HHH and family celebrate as fireworks take us out.

Ratings Comparison

Mark Henry/Jack Swagger vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Darren Young/Damien Sandow vs. Ascension

Original: D+

Redo: D

Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens

Original: B

Redo: B+

New Day vs. Usos

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

Original: C

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch:

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

What was up with me hating the women like that?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/01/24/royal-rumble-2016-this-rumble-game-thing/

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Royal Rumble 2016
Date: January 24, 2016
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

Pre-Show: Darren Young/Damien Sandow vs. Ascension vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Mark Henry/Jack Swagger

The opening video focuses on the statues before going into a regular video all about Reigns being up against the entire roster tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens

The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana and Dean grabs Dirty Deeds for eight. Dirty Deeds onto the chair has Owens in trouble but he rolls outside and onto his feet to break the count before collapsing. Dean loads up another table at ringside (“HEY! WE WANT SOME TABLES!”) and drops the top rope elbow for a double eight count. We get yet another table in the ring and they trade shouts of I HATE YOU.

Rating: B. Good but certainly not great last man standing match. The double tables were clearly going to be the ending and it was just a matter of time instead of a big surprise at the end. It was good enough though and all it needed to be, though I was hoping Owens would get the title back. However, it leaves the door open for a big match at Wrestlemania which is the important thing.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Usos

New Day (Kofi/Big E.) is defending and Kofi asks for a moment of silence, allowing Woods to debut Francesca II. Yes Xavier will miss Francesca but he has, ahem, needs. As for tonight, one of them will also win the Rumble because 2016 will be the year of all gold everything. Thankfully the Usos have the different color boots on again.

Both guys try superkicks (shocking I know) but Kofi pulls Jey down by the leg so Big E. can get in a splash. A slingshot stomp crushes Jey again but he enziguris Kofi off the apron and out to the floor for a nice crash. Jimmy gets the tag and starts cleaning house with a Samoan Drop and Whisper in the Wind getting two on Big E. Everything breaks down and Big E. knocks Jimmy off the top, setting up a belly to belly for two of his own.

Jey dives off the apron (out of the WWE Universe according to Cole) to take Kofi out, followed by Big E. spearing Jimmy through the apron in an always cool looking spot. Back in and the Midnight Hour is broken up, allowing Jimmy to superkick Kofi into a very quiet Superfly Splash. Woods makes the save though, earning himself a suicide dive from Jey. Back in and Jey superkicks Kofi down but misses a blind tag to Big E., allowing the Big Ending to pull Jey out of the air for the Big Ending to retain the titles at 10:54.

We recap the Highlight Reel from Monday and the ensuing chaos.

The Wyatts talk about slaughtering the Beast and the Chosen One. Tonight they slaughter them all on their way to the title. Then he really will have the whole world in his hands. Run.

US Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

They botch a sunset bomb but Kalisto turns into a quick rollup for two more anyway in a close enough save. The top rope double stomp misses and a springboard Salida Del Sol gets two more with Alberto grabbing the bottom rope. Kalisto tries a springboard but lands on two knees for a unique counter. Del Rio would rather take the turnbuckle pad off though, only to be sent face first into the steel. A quick Salida Del Sol gives Kalisto the title back at 11:30.

Kickoff recap.

Fastlane ad.

We recap Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch. They were friends but Charlotte freaked out after losing to Becky, triggering a heel turn as Charlotte wanted to be more like her dad. Becky tricked Ric Flair into setting this up by implying that Charlotte was a coward.

Divas Title: Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

Back in and a suplex gets two for the champ and we hit the figure four neck lock with Charlotte slamming her face first into the mat. The hold stays on for a long time until Becky fights up with some running clotheslines. Becky forearms out of the Figure Eight and grabs a t-bone suplex for two. The running legdrops set up another t-bone but Charlotte hits a quick spear to take over again.

Rating: C-. As usual, the Divas are hurt by too many rest holds and WAY too much Ric Flair. This is getting into the Evolution format from thirteen years ago when it was already old. Not a great match here, which is a shame considering what these two are capable of doing. Just stop with the rest holds and the Ric and things will get better overnight.

Some fans won a tour of the Performance Center from Chex Mix.

WWE World Title: Royal Rumble

Kane kicks AJ in the face before going after the other two as things settle down. Goldust is in at #8 and Kane is the only person on his feet. Everyone gets into the same corner as the fans are still chanting for AJ. Ryback is in at #9 and WOW the fans are not happy. Kane and Jericho form an unlikely team (time heals all hot coffee wounds) to put Ryback on the apron but not to the floor. Kofi Kingston is in at #10 and goes after Jericho. AJ hits the springboard forearm on Jericho but gets dropped to the mat for his efforts.

Results

Dean Ambrose b. Kevin Owens – Ambrose shoved Owens through two tables

New Day b. Usos – Big Ending to Jey

Kalisto b. Alberto Del Rio – Salida Del Sol

Charlotte b. Becky Lynch – Spear

HHH won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Dean Ambrose

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 25, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Samoa Joe, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble and the big draw this week is the double return of Drew McIntyre and Goldberg. I’m not sure how much of an appeal that is supposed to have but WWE certainly sees something in it. Also we get a rematch from last week with Asuka defending the Women’s Title against Alexa Bliss, because WWE doesn’t like waiting on much. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Drew McIntyre to get things going. Drew is rather emotional to be back here and thanks everyone who sent him well wishes. The virus is a horrible thing but we are going to get through it together. Speaking of things we will get through, this Sunday it is going to be Drew McIntyre vs. Bill Goldberg for the WWE Title. Goldberg was 173-0 in WCW and ran through the Rock like he was nothing….and then he disappeared.

The last thing to go in a heavyweight fighter is his power but Goldberg has started a new streak. Every champion he has challenged since returning to WWE has gone down but on Sunday, Drew is ending the streak. Cue Miz and John Morrison to mock the idea of King Kong vs. Godzilla on Sunday because one of them could wind up injured after the match. That opens a door for a Money in the Bank cash-in because whoever wins is going to be a sitting duck.

Miz promises to win the title but here’s Goldberg to cut them off. Goldberg: “You, me, Sunday, you’re next.” The staredown is on so Miz and Morrison make some jokes from the apron, earning themselves a double beatdown, with Miz taking the spear and Morrison getting Claymored. Another staredown ensues as I beg of WWE to end the Miz thing on Sunday because it is managing to hurt a story that had almost nothing going for it in the first place.

Charlotte says she knows how to perform well under pressure. Tonight she wants Shayna Baszler to bring her invisible crown because it’s one thing to pretend to be a queen and another to actually be one. On Sunday, she is entering the Royal Rumble and defending the Tag Team Titles. As for Lacey Evans and Ric Flair, she has seen her father in some dark places before but this might be the darkest. She’ll be ready though, because she is Ms. Wrestlemania.

Charlotte vs. Shayna Baszler

Nia Jax is here with Shayna Baszler but Asuka isn’t here because she and Charlotte are the most worthless Tag Team Champions in the history of the title. Charlotte starts fast by kicking Baszler down and hitting a baseball slide on Jax. The Figure Eight goes on in a hurry but Jax comes in for the DQ at 56 seconds. Good, as there is no reason to burn off Charlotte vs. Baszler in a real match here.

Post match the beatdown is on with Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke coming in for the failed save. Lacey Evans is in as well and the six woman is ready for after the break.

Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke/Charlotte vs. Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax/Lacey Evans

Mandy and Lacey exchange wristlocks to start before it’s off to Dana to knock Lacey down again. Shayna and Charlotte come in with Shayna kicking away at the leg. That’s enough to send Charlotte over for another tag to Mandy, who takes Baszler into the corner. The alternating beatdown is on with Charlotte kneeing Baszler outside. Charlotte stops to glare at Nia and Lacey but gets rammed into the apron. Shayna throws her back inside….and doesn’t beat the count at 4:44. Everyone seems confused and I can’t imagine that was the planned finish because it just ended out of nowhere.

And never mind as we come back from a break with the match continuing thanks to a decision made by Adam Pearce during the break. Jax runs Brooke over with a clothesline and taking her into the corner. Shayna does the stomp down onto Dana’s arm but Dana gets over for the tag to Mandy anyway. Everything breaks down and Charlotte chases Lacey over the barricade as Dana gets the tag again. Nia misses a charge into the post and Dana gets two off a running flip neckbreaker. A powerbomb into a chokeslam plants Dana again and the legdrop finishes for Nia at 14:05 (counting the break).

Rating: D+. Again. They did it again. One more time, Nia and Shayna beat Dana and Mandy because that’s all these four know how to do. The law of diminishing returns has been in effect for months with these teams but here we are again. Speaking of again, Charlotte and Asuka still might as well not be a team, so hopefully they lose the titles on Sunday and end this worthless idea.

We look at Mace beating Xavier Woods last week.

Mustafa Ali loved what he saw and is ready to destroy Kofi Kingston.

Earlier today, Ali talked about coming after Kofi because he had the greatest moment in his life after Ali had the worst moment of his life.

Xavier Woods vs. Slapjack

Woods charges at him to start but gets kneed down for his efforts. Slapjack bangs up his knee on a missed double stomp though and Woods strikes away. Woods nails a running knee to finish Slapjack for the pin at 2:49.

Post match Retribution beats Woods down, with Ali grabbing a chair. Instead he sits down in it though and says for someone who acts like a king, Woods looks like a peasant right now. Ali has heard that Kofi won’t be competing in the Royal Rumble, but don’t worry because he’ll take Kofi’s place.

Riddle is on his way to the ring when he runs into R-Truth, who has heard about a birthday party. Truth thinks it is for him because it was his birthday last week and they might have 24 karat gold carrots for him. Goat noises are shared.

It’s time for the talk show before a match involving the people in the talk show, this time featuring the Hurt Business in the VIP Lounge. MVP is ready to own the Royal Rumble and tells Cedric Alexander to focus on the task at hand tonight. Bobby Lashley talks about how the team is draped in gold (and silver) and they are just beginning. They have a present for MVP in the form of a THB chain. MVP is rather impressed but Cedric and Shelton argue over the design.

Cue R-Truth to ask about the surprise party, because THB must mean Truth Happy Birthday. Shelton: “Truth, now is not the time.” Truth: “Is it a dance break?” Lashley apologizes for forgetting his birthday last week but he has a gift inside the ring. Here comes the Menagerie of Numskulls to go after the title, with the Hurt Business getting involved. MVP isn’t impressed, but here’s Riddle with the Final Flash to knock him silly. It takes talent to squeeze in two stupid ideas into one segment so well done.

Edge is back tonight. Works for me.

R-Truth asks Adam Pearce if he can enter the Money in the Bank match. AJ Styles and Omos come up with AJ offering his services in a qualifying match. Styles says he’s benevolent, so Truth says he’s a Capricorn. Pearce says if Truth can beat AJ, he’ll consider a Rumble spot. Truth things Omos is a Taurus, like the one he had that broke down one time. Confused Truth is still one of my favorite things in WWE.

We look back at the opening segment.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison

Both are officially in the Rumble and Miz is in Morrison’s corner. Morrison takes him down with a headlock to start but Sheamus is back up with a hammerlock. The chinlock keeps Morrison down until he fights up, only to get backdropped right back down. Morrison gets in a shot to the throat and break dances over for a kick to the back. Sheamus pops up and grabs the Irish Curse for two before heading to the top.

The top rope clothesline is dropkicked out of the air with a shot to the knee, setting up a running knee to put Sheamus on the apron. Back in and Morrison works on the leg with a leg crank and an elbow to the knee. Sheamus uses the good leg to kick his way to freedom, setting up a release Rock Bottom for two more. The Cloverleaf is blocked and it’s a knee to the face to set up White Noise to finish Morrison at 9:33.

Rating: C. As usual, this worked out well and I’m not surprised by this. They’re always good together and that was on display again. It’s a little weird to have the heel as the speed and the face as the power, but they kept Miz to a minimum and let the guys do their thing, which is exactly the right idea.

Post match Miz wants a handicap match so that’s on as well, as we now have a third Miz and Morrison segment in the first two hours.

Miz/John Morrison vs. Sheamus

No tags here as Morrison takes out Sheamus’ knee to start so Miz can get a DDT for two. An enziguri into a clothesline puts Sheamus on the floor, with Morrison nailing a nice dive. Sheamus gets sent hard into the barricade for some running shots to the head. Back in and Miz stomps Sheamus down in the corner but Sheamus manages to send Morrison outside.

A running clothesline drops Miz and there’s a powerslam to the returning Morrison. Sheamus Regal Rolls Miz onto Morrison and then sends them outside for the double top rope clothesline. Morrison breaks up the Brogue Kick back inside but Sheamus shrugs off the Skull Crushing Finale. The Brogue Kick drops Morrison but it’s the Skull Crushing Finale to finish Sheamus at 6:49.

Rating: C+. I liked this more than I thought I would have, and as much as I want to put Miz into that briefcase and send him to the planet Flaflooga, Sheamus got into the zone that he rarely reaches anymore and that’s a good thing. He really can do the power thing well and Miz and Morrison work well together in spots like this. Sheamus and Morrison have some very good chemistry together as well so I’m not sure why I’m surprised I had a good time here.

Ric Flair and Lacey Evans grapple a bit when Charlotte comes in. Lacey leaves and Flair says he’s doing what he wants to do. Charlotte says he spent his money on everyone but his family but this isn’t cute anymore. Flair is going from legend to old man and she isn’t the bad guy. Ric glares at her as Lacey comes back in and hits her with the Woman’s Right. Lacey asks Flair to explain the WOO as they leave Charlotte laying.

AJ Styles vs. R-Truth

Non-title. Feeling out process to start with Truth sending him over the top but getting caught in a staredown with Styles. Back in and AJ misses the Phenomenal Forearm, allowing Truth to start up the John Cena finishing sequence. There’s the Shuffle but the AA is countered into the Calf Crusher for the tap at 2:35.

We look back at Randy Orton being all masked and creepy. I think this is just airing the same segment from last week.

And now, Alexa’s Playground with Bliss reciting Mary Mary Quite Contrary. She loves what she and Fiend did to Randy Orton two weeks ago and looks at a video of last week’s promo (which we just saw). Bliss thinks he looks better now and says that she just wanted to have some fun with Asuka in her playground. Now we look at Bliss watching herself and Asuka from last week (after watching her talk on the big screens in the Thunderdome). Bliss throws in some Ring Around The Rosey and her face turns into the Fiend for the LET ME IN. Total time spent on watching recaps: seven minutes.

Riddle vs. Hurt Business

Gauntlet match and if Riddle wins, he gets a title shot at Lashley. Shelton Benjamin starts things off and counters a kick into a spinebuster for two. The chinlock goes on and Shelton adds a knee but gets pulled into a guillotine. Shelton tries to muscle him into a suplex so Riddle knees him in the head. A rollup should have Riddle pinned but Cedric Alexander gets on the apron. Shelton yells at Alexander and gets rolled up for the pin at 4:48. MVP is in next and, as he yells at Shelton and Alexander for arguing, gets pulled into a kneebar for the tap at 5:24. Cedric is in last and we take a break.

Back with Cedric putting a knee in Riddle’s back and cranking on the arm. Riddle fights up so Cedric hits a heck of a dropkick for two. The abdominal stretch goes on but Riddle reverses into a suplex, which is countered into a DDT. Back up and Riddle kicks him in the head to start the real comeback.

A t-bone suplex sends Alexander flying but he gets the knees up to block the Broton. Riddle grabs a German suplex to put Alexander down again, only to get pulled into a brainbuster for two more. A quick triangle choke is countered into a powerbomb but Riddle hangs onto the choke. Back up and Riddle grabs a rollup for the pin at 12:24.

Rating: C. Riddle vs. Shelton and MVP were about as nothing as you could get but Alexander had a good match. That being said, the whole Hurt Business in-fighting stuff is still one of the worst things going on around here as of late. It isn’t that surprising though, as the team is good, polished and feel like a threat so they must be stamped out.

Post match Lashley comes out to give Riddle the Hurt Lock to leave him laying.

The WWE Network is moving to Peacock. If it doesn’t increase the price and you get the same things, I’m good with it.

We look at the opening sequence again.

Edge joins us for the first time in several months to talk about how you aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Ten years ago, he went to Wrestlemania XXVII and left as champion. Then he lost everything because of his neck and took nine years to get back. He remembers telling his mom that he wanted to be a wrestler and she told him you have to go do it.

With that in mind, he is entering the Royal Rumble. He doesn’t have much time left so he is going to fight with everything he has to make this far fetched dream come true. If you have been with him on this ride until now, you have to try. A world without dreamers and fighters is a much less magical place. He quotes Henry Ford, who said if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. Edge thinks he can, and he’ll see us at the Royal Rumble.

Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Alexa Bliss

Bliss is challenging in a rematch from last week. Asuka takes her down into an armbar to start but misses the hip attack. Bliss kicks her to the floor….and then gets on the rocking horse that appears in the ring. Back from a break with Bliss fighting out of a chinlock and getting kicked in the face. Asuka hits another kick in the corner but Bliss’ old music starts playing and now she has her regular gear on (and longer hair).

Bliss sends Asuka face first into the corner and then the lights go out, with Bliss going into the other corner. She does Bray Wyatt’s lean backwards and becomes Fiend Bliss. Asuka’s knee to the face just annoys Bliss and the Asuka Lock but Bliss powers out of it. The Mandible Claw goes on but here’s Randy Orton with red makeup because this company doesn’t know how burns work either for an RKO to Bliss and the no contest at 12:33.

Rating: F. I like Randy Orton, I like Alexa Bliss and I like Asuka. If you put all three of those people into a match and angle, I should like the product. Instead, this was like an eight year old on a sugar rush saying “And then this happens and then this happens but it doesn’t count and then this happens and then the show is over.” They had part of a match and then it was something about a horse and a goddess walking into an RKO. I would say I probably got some of the details wrong in there, but I don’t think there were any details involved in the first place.

Overall Rating: D. And yet, somehow it’s better than last week’s show. This show was going along somewhat nicely and then went FLYING off the rails in the end, with one dumb idea after another. Maybe it’s all the time that they have to fill, but the more I think about it, the more worried I am that this is really what they think is the best use of Raw every week. Between the wrestlers working multiple times, the people watching promos from last week and people doing completely stupid things just because the script calls for it, this was another shining example of how bad Raw can be and that’s a scary thought going forward.

Results

Charlotte b. Shayna Baszler via DQ when Nia Jax interfered

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler/Lacey Evans b. Charlotte/Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke – Legdrop to Brooke

Xavier Woods b. Slapjack – Knee to the face

Sheamus b. John Morrison – White Noise

Miz/John Morrison b. Sheamus – Skull Crushing Finale

AJ Styles b. R-Truth – Calf Crusher

Riddle b. Hurt Business – Rollup to Alexander

Asuka vs. Alexa Bliss went to a no contest

 

 

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Smackdown
Date: January 22, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

We’re just over a week away from the Royal Rumble and that means it is time to start the last push towards the pay per view. Tonight features a title match of its own with Big E. defending the Intercontinental Title against an upgraded Apollo Crews, but Roman Reigns is not going to be happy and that could be great. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s show with Adam Pearce being set for the Royal Rumble title match against Roman Reigns but then having it switched out to Kevin Owens through some trickery.

Here are Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman for an opening chat. Reigns laughs off the idea of Card Subject To Change because Adam Pearce swapped himself out of the title match. You won’t be seeing Kevin Owens here tonight Reigns doesn’t want him here. Reigns comes here and goes to work because that’s what he does. He even put his health in danger, but what if he gets hurt? Man his back and neck have been bothering him lately. His ankles have been messed up since college. What if he just said his back was hurting too badly to wrestle at the Royal Rumble?

Cue Pearce to say this has gotten out of hand. Reigns doesn’t want to hear it and says Pearce needs to make his way back into the title scene. Pearce doesn’t buy that but Reigns says that Pearce can’t handle this. He hasn’t had a match in six years because he doesn’t have the heart. Maybe that’s why he never made it to the WWE.

Reigns and Heyman take this as disrespect, which means Pearce is disrespecting the family. Therefore, Heyman wants to do something about it and challenges Pearce to a fight. Heyman, citing his status as a New Yorker, says he will whip Pearce’s a**. Pearce says it’s on and Reigns promises Pearce is getting whipped too. See, I think we all know where this is going, but it’s still fun to see how it goes down the obvious path.

Here’s Sami Zayn to handcuff himself to the barricade for a protest, while declaring his entrance in the Royal Rumble.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Charlotte/Asuka vs. Riott Squad

Charlotte/Asuka are defending, Billie Kay is here with the Squad, and Asuka seems fine after being terrified of Alexa Bliss on Raw. Charlotte beats on Ruby Riott to start as Natalya and Tamina are watching backstage. Asuka comes in for a few shots but a Kay distraction lets Riott bring LIv Morgan in. A high crossbody hits Charlotte and we take a break. Back with Morgan snapping off a headscissors on Charlotte and Riott sending her face first into the corner for two.

Charlotte finally kicks Riott away and nails the fall away slam to send Morgan into the corner. The Downward Spiral into the top turnbuckle allows the tag off to Asuka. The sliding knee gets two as everything breaks down. Asuka German suplexes Morgan but Riott comes back in to roll her up. Billie accidentally distracts the ref though meaning no count. Instead it’s a running hip attack to Morgan and Charlotte hits Natural Selection to finish Morgan at 8:32.

Rating: C. The wrestling was fine, but are we really just going to ignore Asuka being scared of Alexa Bliss and losing to her clean? Or everything with Charlotte and Lacey Evans/Ric Flair? Nothing at all? You might think that was worthy of a mention on this show but this was a run of the mill match with the titles being a backdrop to Billie screwing up again.

Post break, Billie tries to make amends by having the Squad in the Royal Rumble. She offers to help them practice by being Bianca Belair and Carmella (with impressions included) but the Squad, being as nice as they can, say Billie is out.

Here is a dressed up Daniel Bryan for a chat. He is VERY happy that the Royal Rumble coming up because it is all about the drama and the questions of what number you will have and when you are coming out. It makes him feel alive because he is ready to win and move on to main event Wrestlemania. Cue Cesaro to say that was a nice explanation, but he could have done it better (and in five languages).

Cesaro talks about being the first ever Andre the Giant battle royal winner so he will know how to win the Royal Rumble. Bryan is ready to fight right now but Cesaro says that since Bryan isn’t dressed to wrestle, he’ll issue an open challenge. Cue Dolph Ziggler, to say he can do anything in the ring and Cesaro is one of the few who can match him (Ziggler: “Sorry DB but it’s not 2014 anymore.”). The challenge is accepted.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro

Daniel Bryan is on commentary as they go to the grappling to start. Ziggler’s sleeper doesn’t work and Cesaro hits him in the face, setting up a rather long Cesaro Swing. They go to the pinfall reversal sequence with Ziggler getting two but having his superkick blocked. The Fameasser gives Ziggler two and we hit the sleeper again. That’s reversed into the Neutralizer and Ziggler is done at 3:43.

Rating: C+. They didn’t have much time here but Cesaro getting momentum is nice to see, even if there is no reason to believe that it is going to go anywhere. I’ve been burned by Cesaro’s pushes being canceled too many times now but at least we’re getting a little something here. It’s better than nothing after all these years.

We recap Sasha Banks challenging Reginald to a match before she is willing to face Carmella again.

Sasha Banks vs. Reginald

Reginald gives Sasha a flower to start so Sasha slaps the taste out of his mouth (even Carmella’s mouth drops open for that). Sasha climbs the ropes for a hurricanrana but Reginald flips forward to land on his feet. A waistlock doesn’t work for Sasha as Reginald backflips out and lands on his feet outside. Banks hits a baseball slide and whips him into the steps….where Reginald front flips off of them and sticks the landing. Back in and Reginald dives over a monkey flip attempt and then counters a sunset flip.

A Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog works better but Banks seems to tweak her knee. Reginald flips away from a basement dropkick but a powerbomb is countered into an armdrag. Banks manages to send him outside for the Meteora off the apron. Back in and Banks grabs his hands while still on the mat, only to pull herself up for another Meteora. Something like La Mistica is completely messed up but Banks pulls him into the Bank Statement for the tap at 4:00. Cole: “Now the sommellier has something to whine about!” Graves: “I can’t even with you.”

Rating: C-. I have no idea what to think here as this was much more of a gymnastics routine that made Reginald look like a star for reasons I don’t quite understand. Banks vs. Carmella is set up, but I’m not sure why they went this way to get here. The match was fun, but how does this make me want to see Carmella get a title shot?

Paul Heyman compliments Roman Reigns for setting up the match with Adam Pearce because he knows Reigns has a plan. Reigns says he just handed Heyman a microphone and now Heyman has to deal with this. Heyman panics.

We recap Apollo Crews cheating to become #1 contender last week.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. vs. Apollo Crews

Crews is challenging and charges into a belly to belly to start. The apron splash connects but Crews is back with a pump kick into the standing moonsault for two. Big E. hits the Rock Bottom out of the corner for the same and Crews heads outside with Big E. saying Crews made a mistake with the slap. Crews gets in a shot on the floor and heads back inside to go up top. Hold on though as Sami, still handcuffed, unlocks the cuffs as Crews hits a missile dropkick. Sami runs in for the Helluva Kick to Crews for the DQ at 2:55.

Post match Sami hits a Helluva Kick for Big E. as well.

Kevin Owens is in his car because he isn’t allowed in the ring tonight and says this is all going to end with Roman Reigns at the Royal Rumble. Owens talks about his tattoos telling a story, including his grandparents’ initials on his knuckles. They always supported him but they passed away before he could make it to WWE. Both of them had horrible illnesses but they kept fighting, just like he’ll do at the Royal Rumble when he becomes champion.

The Street Profits bring Sonya Deville (talking to Dolph Ziggler, who leaves before they get there), a fruit basket to congratulate her on her new job. They don’t get why she is hanging out with Ziggler but they get to the point: they want their rematch. Sonya isn’t sure though because they held the titles for a long time and Ford’s knee is still banged up. Some more teams need a chance and once the Profits are healthy, they can be back in the title scene. That seems to be cool, but the Profits are not happy after she leaves.

We recap the debut of Bayley’s talk show last week where she challenged Bianca Belair to an obstacle course race.

Bayley and Belair come out to go over the obstacles with Bayley going first. She takes her time and walks around some of the walls she is supposed to climb, and then drops the Chad Gable she is supposed to carry. Bayley finishes with a time of 1:12 and then says let’s EST this course for Belair, meaning it’s a lot harder. Belair starts fast but has to fireman’s carry Otis instead of Gable…..which she promptly does, and then dunks a basketball to win with 17 seconds left. Well that was impressive. Bayley pelts the basketball at Belair’s stomach though and the beatdown is on, including Bayley throwing her into the basketball goal.

Dominick tells Rey Mysterio that he has this, despite what Rey thinks.

Dominick Mysterio vs. King Corbin

Corbin starts fast by knocking Dominick to the floor, setting up a heck of a clothesline. Dominick fights back but the 619 is countered. A big right hand knocks Dominick silly and the End of Days finishes at 2:11. Well that was abrupt.

Paul Heyman vs. Adam Pearce

Pearce is in workout gear and Heyman, in his suit, tapes his fist on the way to the ring. Hold on though as Heyman tweaks his ankle on the steps and goes down. The referee checks on him but Heyman says “CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE.” And yes indeed here’s Roman Reigns to hit the Superman Punch to send Pearce to the floor.

Reigns hits him low and sends him into the fan screens before taking him up to the stands like he did to Kevin Owens. Speaking of Owens, here he is in a hoodie to beat on Reigns. Owens is sent into the barricade and they head inside, where Owens nails a Stunner. Referees come out as Owens takes him outside again and beats on Reigns some more. A Stunner on the floor drops Reigns again and the Pop Up powerbomb puts him through the announcers’ table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I know we go over this every week but Smackdown continues to be so much better than Raw for one major reason: the show feels fun. This show didn’t have a ton of great wrestling but some angles were advanced and a hot ending angle made up for some of the weaker points. The pay per view is all but set on the Smackdown side and they did what they needed to do here for one of the last shows. It’s nothing great, but it’s not like Raw left the bar that high.

Results

Charlotte/Asuka b. Riott Squad – Natural Selection to Morgan

Cesaro b. Dolph Ziggler – Neutralizer

Sasha Banks b. Reginald – Bank Statement

Apollo Crews b. Big E. via DQ when Sami Zayn interfered

 

 

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