Impact Wrestling – November 23, 2023: Goofy Laziness

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 23, 2023
Hosts: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

This is another special show, in this case because of Thanksgiving. Impact has a history of looking back at some, ahem, classic Thanksgiving moments of the years and that is likely going to involve a bunch of Turkey Suit matches. There are worse traditions out there and it’s just goofy fun. Let’s get to it.

The hosts welcome us to the show and we are indeed looking at great Thanksgiving moments over the years.

From 2008.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhino vs. Alex Shelley

Bashir is X-Division Champion and helps Shelley for a double team on Rhino. That goes nowhere as Rhyno easily slugs both of them away and scores with a belly to belly for two on Bashir. Clipped to Rhino getting double teamed again but the others keep getting in an argument over scoring the pin (and a $25,000 prize). Bashir rolls Shelley up for two but gets caught in a super atomic drop. Rhino uses the distraction to Gore Shelley for the pin at 2:48 shown.

Post match, Mick Foley tells Shelley he has to put the suit on but Shelley doesn’t want to. See, the women won’t be happy and that would hurt the ratings. That’s cool with Foley, but Shelley is fired if he doesn’t do it. Shelley finally puts it on and Foley makes gibblet jokes. Foley: “Is that a gizzard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” The suit goes on and more jokes are made. If this is the case, I can go with it more than holding a regular show on Thanksgiving.

We do have some 2023 material as well.

Good Hands/Champagne Singh/Jai Vidal vs. PCO/Johnny Swinger/Jake Something/Mike Bailey

Gravy Train Turkey Trot, meaning whomever loses the fall has to wear the turkey suit. Skyler shoulders Bailey down to start before handing it off to Hotch, who gets kicked in the head over and over. Swinger comes in but gets cheap shotted by Skyler, who gets rolled up for a fast two. It’s off to Singh to beat on Swinger as the villains keep tagging out to avoid the threat of the turkey suit.

Something comes in so Vidal….maybe flirts with him, earning a right hand to the face. Something cleans house and powerbombs Vidal over the top onto a pile on the floor. The big Something dive drops them again but the Good Hands and Singh manage to knock PCO down. That lasts all of two seconds as it’s a chokeslam into the PCOsault to finish Vidal at 5:14.

Rating: C. The match was nothing of note of course but this is one of the few traditions that Impact has which does feel like a fun idea. It’s completely goofy fun and they don’t present it as anything else. Vidal can play a fine enough post match goof and he got pinned by a monster like PCO. Nothing wrong with this and it’s once a year.

Post match Vidal won’t do it so Gisele Shaw and Savannah Evans force him to wear the suit for the sake of keeping the team together.

From 2016.

Grado vs. Robbie E.

They slug it out to start with Grado getting the better of it off the snap jabs. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a little less funny than I was expecting. Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:39.

Aiden O’Shea comes out to make Grado put on the suit and dancing ensues.

From 2013.

Here are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby asks everyone what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that Park isn’t here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie. Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.

Sabin is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion (officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad Influence: “I’m not sure about that.” Roode says the real Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful when he becomes the next champion.

It’s time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup. Fernum and Barnes are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere, Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to end the show.

From 2017.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice
Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

The loser of the fall wears a turkey suit and there’s food at ringside, along with Eli Drake. We’re not ready yet though as the teams sit down at the food tables as Drake insists that everyone has to put on the suit if they lose. He has a statement for JB to read, which pretty much just says everyone play nice.

Justice sticks his finger in Konley’s mouth to start and gets two off a rollup. Laurel comes in and jumps on Justice’s back so it’s off to the women for a change. KM and Bahh are up next with some shots to Bahh’s head taking us to a break. Back with Bahh crossbodying KM and bringing in Garza….WHO TAKES OFF HIS PANTS! I’m rather thankful.

Garza gets punched down though and it’s time for the heel beatdown. Adonis comes in for two off a legdrop and it’s time for a bearhug (on a guy with a bad shoulder). That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Eddie to clean house. Everything breaks down in a hurry and KM gets crushed between Justice and Bahh.

We get the big crash to the floor and Justice falls off the apron, only to be caught without much effort. Allie dives onto everyone to break up the pile and everyone is down. Back in and Adonis can’t grab the Adonis Lock, allowing Eddie to roll him up for the pin at 16:04, meaning Adonis gets to wear the suit.

Rating: C-. Oh what were you expecting here? This was all in good fun and nothing more than a comedy match. The match was just there for the sake of having a one off match for a holiday special and as a result, it’s really hard to be harsh on it. Adonis having to wear the suit is fine and it continues a (rather goofy) tradition. It wasn’t anything good, but it’s perfectly harmless.

Post break, Adonis refuses to wear the suit. Security actually stops him as the referee holds up the suit like an executioner’s ax. After a lot of persuading and a GOBBLE GOBBLE (One of us?) chant, Adonis finally puts it on and walks around a bit. Adonis isn’t cool with the chants though and the required food fight, with Adonis hitting Drake in the face with a pie, ends the show. This was actually entertaining as they just went with the simple comedy and it worked perfectly well.

From 2007.

Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin

This is the finals of the Turkey Bowl, with the winner getting $25,000 and the loser wearing the turkey suit. Joe and Sabin double team Styles to start and knock him to the floor. That leaves Sabin to take Joe down but a kick misses, giving us a staredown. Styles gets knocked to the floor again and we take a break.

Back with Sabin charging into a hot shot but Joe comes back in to punch Styles in the face. Styles breaks up the suicide elbow to Sabin though, meaning Joe punches him in the face some more. The drop down into a dropkick hits Joe and we take a break. Back again with Joe countering the springboard moonsault into an Air Raid Crash with Sabin having to make a save.

We take another break and come back again with Sabin hitting a springboard DDT to drop Joe. That earns Sabin a trip to the floor but Styles Peles Joe. The charge into the corner only hits kick to the face though, allowing Joe to hit the Muscle Buster for the pin at 9:33 shown (of the nearly thirty minute match).

Rating: B-. Well it seemed to be a good match, at least from what we saw of the thing. Joe was on another planet at this point and Styles was in his weird phase as Angle’s wacky goon, but it isn’t like he was going to be awful in the ring. Throw in a very talented Sabin and of course this was going to work, even if we missed almost twenty minutes.

Post match we cut to a livid Kurt Angle (AJ’s boss), storming out of his own Thanksgiving dinner. Back in the arena, AJ won’t put the suit on so here is Jim Cornette to order him to do it. After some coaxing, Styles (very slowly) puts the suit on so Tomko and Kurt come out to yell. Samoa Joe and the Outsiders come out to laugh at Angle and pals, meaning the brawl is on. The bad guys are cleared out, with Eric Young coming in to add a turkey leg to Angle to wrap things up. Then Hall got fired and Joe was given a live mic at the pay per view where he went on an all time rant against a lot of people.

Overall Rating: D+. Normally I have a good time with this show, as it’s the definition of goofy harmless fun. Then I went to pull some of the matches from previous reviews and realized that three out of the five matches on this show were on last year’s show, including the exact same main event and post match segment to end the show. They’ve been doing this for over fifteen years and they had to recycle that much in a year? Come on already and put in some more effort than that.

Results
PCO/Johnny Swinger/Jake Something/Mike Bailey b. Good Hands/Jai Vidal/Champagne Singh – PCOsault to Vidal

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Impact Wrestling – December 14, 2017: Just Don’t Talk

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 14, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

Impact actually has some wrestling competition tonight as WWE is presenting its annual Tribute to the Troops. This week’s big match is for the vacant Knockouts Title as Rosemary vs. Laurel Van Ness wraps up the mini tournament. Other than that we’re likely to get more build between Alberto El Patron, Johnny Impact and Eli Drake for the World Title. Let’s get to it.

Laurel and Rosemary arrive.

Recap of Gail Kim vacating the title and the tournament being set up. Again: it was two triple threat matches and a singles match. It’s not exactly some game changer.

Opening sequence.

Sienna vs. KC Spinelli vs. Madison Rayne vs. Allie

#1 contenders match and one fall to a finish. Allie gets triple teamed in the corner to start but Spinelli and Rayne quickly turn on Sienna. A northern lights suplex gives Spinelli two and Madison does the same move for the same result. Spinelli is back with a spinout Rock Bottom but Allie is back in to take both of them down at once. A hair takedown drops Allie though and it’s Sienna coming back in with a big boot to KC.

Sienna tosses Spinelli with a fall away slam for two as Allie makes the save. Back from a break with Sienna faceplanting Madison and throwing Allie down as well. Spinelli and Sienna hit a double clothesline and everyone is down. It’s Allie up first and cleaning house, including a Codebreaker for two on Sienna. Spinelli is loaded up into the AK47 but Allie rolls Sienna up for the pin at 12:39.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one but they got the finish right, especially if we’re heading for Laurel winning the title. Allie is still the most popular name in the division (or second most at worst) and giving her a push towards the title would make sense. That being said, it feels like it’s just being kept warm while we wait on Taya’s visa issues to be resolved, which makes some sense.

Trevor Lee/Caleb Konley vs. Dezmond Xavier/Taiji Ishimori

Lee and Ishimori start things off as we hear about expansion into Italy. Maybe we can see some Italian wrestlers that mean nothing around here for a change. Xavier comes in and uppercuts Lee a few times before dropkicking him in the back of the head. Lee sends Dezmond outside and scores with a running kick to the face as we take a break. Back with Xavier still in trouble as Konley sends him hard into the corner. Lee comes back in for a chinlock and a hard clothesline.

Somehow, during an X-Division match, the commentary manages to bring the discussion back to Gail Kim. We saw her during the opening and we discussed her during the Knockouts match and now we’re hearing about her too. Well of course we are. The hot tag brings in Ishimori to thankfully speed things up a bit, only to have Lee grab a German suplex for two. Everything breaks down and Dezmond gets caught in the Tree of Woe. For some reason they try a spike piledriver in the same corner though, allowing Xavier to make the save. Ishimori rolls Lee up for the pin at 12:49.

Rating: C. This division is so dull and so much of that is due to the villains. You can only do the “I’m the champion and you want the title” story for so long and they passed that point a LONG time ago. Completely average match here as we keep waiting for Ishimori to hopefully save us from the drek that is Lee’s X-Division Title reign.

We recap Dan Lambert pinning James Storm last week.

Alberto El Patron, Petey Williams and Johnny Impact aren’t happy with having to team together tonight. El Patron and Johnny talk a bunch of trash while Petey just stands around like someone who doesn’t belong here. Well you can’t fault him for his way of thinking.

We see the last five minutes of the Knockouts Gauntlet Match to crown the first ever Knockouts Champion at Bound For Glory 2007. The winner of course: Gail Kim.

Chris Adonis and Eli Drake seem to have found their partner for the six man tag in the form of Jimmy Jacobs.

Alberto El Patron/Johnny Impact/Petey Williams vs. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Kongo Kong

Or not actually as Jacobs comes out to say he’s a good guy. He’s here to help, which is why he’s found Adonis and Drake a partner. Quick question: has Impact ever explained who Jacobs is or why he’s here? Or are we just supposed to have a working knowledge of who has left WWE over the last few months?

Alberto hammers on Adonis to start but gets shoved into a tag to Impact. That goes nowhere so Petey chases Adonis into the corner….and earns a shot against Kong. A rolling backsplash crushes Williams and it’s back to Adonis to stomp in the corner. The slow beatdown continues and we’re just lucky enough to see more Kong. Drake comes in after a splash and drops an elbow for good measure.

Adonis almost hits Kong by mistake and the apology allows the hot tag off to Johnny. There’s a Flying Chuck for two on Drake but Alberto comes in to break up some attempted cheating. That’s enough being nice though as Alberto hits a Backstabber on Johnny. Petey gets caught in a double flapjack but Kong misses his top rope splash.

Johnny dives onto Drake but Petey’s slingshot hurricanrana is countered with a powerbomb into the crowd. Kong and Petey head to the back, leaving Johnny to deck Alberto. There’s Starship Pain but Alberto DDTs Johnny on the ramp. A frog splash to Drake is good for the pin at 8:32.

Rating: B-. Alberto logic made sense and it’s fine to have the champ get pinned in a tag match, but you really could have done almost the same match without Kong and Williams. This got a lot better at the end and once we got to the storyline stuff, but even the worst part of it wasn’t that bad. Just don’t let Alberto talk.

The Legion of Doom was in TNA for a cup of coffee back in the early days.

Alberto gets a title shot on the January 4 show.

The Park Family is proud of how well business is going but Chandler wants to be a wrestler. Joseph isn’t sure.

Video on the Grand Championship match, which will now be a three way involving champion Ethan Carter III, Fallah Bahh and Matt Sydal. That also takes place on January 4.

Also on January 4, Taiji Ishimori vs. Trevor Lee for the X-Division Title.

The next two weeks will be Best of 2017 specials.

All Storm wants is to face Lambert one on one. Dan goes into his usual wrestling sucks speech and eventually calls Storm the face of the company. Here’s the deal: if they fight each other, Storm’s career is on the line. Storm agrees, but if he wins, the MMA guys are all gone. Lashley and Moose start fighting and here’s KM, who is quickly cut off by a Last Call.

Storm vs. Lambert is set for the January 4 show.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Laurel Van Ness

The title is vacant coming in. Van Ness is sent outside and we take a break less than a minute in. Back (after a good while) with Rosemary hammering away in the corner and Cactus Clotheslining her outside. Laurel is up first and kicks Rosemary face first onto the ramp. That’s only good for two back inside and it’s time to shove each other a lot. Rosemary is up first and grabs her leaning back choke over the ropes.

They fall outside again with an exploder suplex dropping Laurel on the floor. Back in and Rosemary spears her down but has to escape an Unprettier. The Red Wedding doesn’t work either and Rosemary misses the mist. The delay allows Laurel to hit the Unprettier off the top for the pin and the title at 14:04.

Rating: C+. I’m a bit surprised by the ending but at least we have Laurel vs. Allie to look forward to. The match wasn’t bad but treating this like some kind of huge tournament win and a passing of the torch from Kim (who was mentioned almost as much as either finalist leading up to the match) is quite the stretch.

We go to a meeting between Konnan and Sami Callihan. They argue over who is in charge of this company and a match is made with titles vs. careers. Konnan agrees and says after LAX is done with OVE, they’ll be like O’Reilly and Spacey. Callihan throws a fireball at Konnan’s face to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Pretty solid show here as they’re setting up something big for the January 4 show. That being said, I might have liked the show more because it means I get two weeks off from watching the show for the most part. If nothing else this show needs a breather and hopefully they have something a little more interesting when they get to the next taping cycle. This show worked better because it was mainly wrestling and didn’t feature much of Impact’s very sub par writing. Do that more often and the show gets better, though I don’t trust them to pull it off.

Results

Allie b. KC Spinelli, Madison Rayne and Sienna – Rollup to Sienna

Taiji Ishimori/Dezmond Xavier b. Caleb Konley/Trevor Lee – Rollup to Lee

Alberto El Patron/Johnny Impact/Petey Williams b. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Kongo Kong – Frog splash to Drake

Laurel Van Ness b. Rosemary – Super Unprettier

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – December 7, 2017: This Show Needs A Motivational Speaker

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 7, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

It’s almost time for a new year but first we need to wrap up the old one as we continue Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron. Last week Johnny him in a long showdown but World Champion Eli Drake is looming on the outskirts. We’ll also get more in the Knockouts Title tournament so let’s get to it.

We open with various names, including El Patron, Drake, James Storm and Dan Lambert, promising to take care of whomever they’re mad at this week.

Opening sequence.

Caleb Konley vs. Taiji Ishimori

They hit the mat to start with Konley working a headlock until Taiji throws him outside. The tease of a dive has Konley freaked out but he still manages to send Ishimori face first down for two. A backsplash gives Konley the same and he throws Ishimori outside for some shots from Trevor Lee. Back in and a spinning strike to the face looks to set up a TKO, only to have Ishimori counter into a reverse DDT. The 450 puts Konley away at 6:13.

Rating: C. So the guy from Japan who never talks, has almost no personality and no character other than “he’s awesome and from Japan” (and who does impress in the ring most of the time) beat a boring guy in plain black trunks, likely setting up a match against another boring guy in plain black trunks with longer hair. We don’t have time to learn anything about them though because we might not get to hear about how to make Impact great or Alberto’s half Spanish/half English.

Lee comes in for the post match beatdown but Dezmond Xavier makes the save.

Knockouts Title Tournament First Round: Allie vs. Sienna vs. Rosemary

The winner gets Laurel Van Ness for the title. Sienna bails to the floor to start so the other two go outside and chop away. Back in and Sienna chops on Rosemary before hitting a running hip attack in the corner. Allie and Rosemary are whipped into each other, followed by a clothesline to put Rosemary on the floor.

A kick to the chest staggers Sienna but she’s right back up for a superplex with Rosemary having to make a save. Sienna gets caught in a double armbar for a near submission, only to have Rosemary and Allie let go. That means a slugout (demon vs. Easter egg) until Sienna comes back in and eats a hard German suplex. The Red Wedding gives Rosemary the pin on Sienna at 6:14.

Rating: C-. Just three women doing moves to each other until one of them won. Rosemary vs. Laurel should be fun, even if it seems that Laurel is just a placeholder while Taya Valkyrie has visa issues. Rosemary looked the strongest here so there’s little to complain about, even if it wasn’t thrilling stuff.

Sami Callihan and OVE are in the ring to talk about how much they can’t stand Canada and Mexico. It’s two countries full of nonsense and the feud with LAX continues. This has gone beyond wrestling and is now gang warfare. Callihan brags about Ohio being awesome but some Canadians named TDT (two guys who seem to be from Montreal) come out to issue a challenge. TDT gets the better of it until Sami makes the save with a kendo stick. Some chairs are loaded up in the middle but LAX makes the save. OVE bails in short order.

Allie is upset when she runs into Gail Kim, who says Allie didn’t let her down.

Clip of Christopher Daniels vs. Senshi from Lockdown 2006.

KM beats up a bunch of people in a gym to prove himself to American Top Team.

LAX is ready to get the titles back.

Eli Drake and Chris Adonis are ready for Petey Williams and Johnny Impact tonight.

Grand Championship: Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Sydal

Sydal is challenging. They circle each other to start with little contact in the first thirty seconds. Ethan’s headlock goes nowhere so he shoulders him down to take over for the first time. That earns Ethan a kick to the head, followed by a standing moonsault for two. Ethan hammers him down without too much trouble though and sends Sydal outside. Back in and a delayed vertical suplex ends round one, with Carter getting the win.

Round two stats fast with Sydal stomping and chopping away, only to be sent into the corner for some stomps from the champ. We hit the cravate for a good bit until Sydal fights up with more kicks. A suplex of his own gets two and we wrap up round two with Sydal tying it up.

Carter gets in a cheap shot to end the round though and Sydal starts slowly, allowing Ethan to hit a hard sitout powerbomb for two. Sydal’s double knees from the top give him the save, followed by a side roll and another near fall. Sydal bolts up top but the shooting star is broken up. A superplex is broken up so Sydal tries another shooting star, which only hits mat. They hit a double clothesline and that’s the end of the round. After a break, the third round is…..a draw, meaning it’s a tie at 9:00. Guest judge Fallah Bahh gave the third vote.

Rating: C+. I liked the match more and these two have chemistry together but the round system is still getting annoying. I’m not sure why they’re keeping that system around and it’s not like anything is really being made better because of it. Just let it be a match with a ten (yes ten, not nine) minute time limit like fans want. But hey, let’s be different instead of logical.

Long clip of James Storm vs. Bobby Roode from Bound For Glory 2012. That was a great match.

Park Park and Park ad. The intentionally low budget is awesome.

Bobby Lashley/Dan Lambert vs. James Storm/Moose

Lambert is wrestling barefoot and American Top Team is at ringside. Storm and Lashley start things off with an early Sling Blade taking Lashley down. Moose comes in for a backsplash (because everyone has to use a backsplash these days) but a Lambert distraction lets Lashley take him down.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Moose gets in a spear. That means a hot tag to Storm as Lashley has no one to tag. The American Top Team member in the neck brace comes in so Moose bicycle kicks him down and tosses him onto the pile at ringside. The distraction lets Lashley spear Storm down so Lambert can get the pin at 5:25.

Rating: D. I’m so sick of this stupid feud and the MMA guys being presented as anything more than a novelty. I have no idea why they’re being brought in all the time for the sake of just being warm bodies but I’m sure it’s something about cross promotion or whatever. Bad match too, but that’s the case with these guys more often than not.

Lashley isn’t happy with Lambert but shakes his hand anyway.

Johnny Impact and Petey Williams are ready for the main event. Alberto better keep his nose out of this too.

Ad for the finals of the Knockout tournament, which is nowhere near as epic as they’re making it out to be. It was a pair of triple threats and a singles match, not Wrestlemania IV.

Chris Adonis/Eli Drake vs. Johnny Impact/Petey Williams

Johnny and Chris start things off with Impact being run over but nipping back up. Eli accidentally shoulders Adonis in the corner and we get the drop toehold into the crotch as we take a break. Back with Drake hitting a backbreaker on Williams and bringing Adonis back in for a knee to the spine. The double stomping ensues and Drake gets two off a jumping elbow (with some finger poking included).

Petey finally snaps off a hurricanrana, only to get caught in a belly to back slam to give Adonis two instead. Williams rolls away and makes a hot tag to Johnny though as everything breaks down. A standing shooting star gets two on Adonis and the flip neckbreaker gets the same. Petey comes back in with a slingshot Codebreaker to Drake but gets caught in the Adonis Lock. Johnny makes the save with a Flying Chuck, followed by Starship Pain for the pin on Adonis at 13:23.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag here that continues to show the value of having a lackey like Adonis who can take fall after fall like this and be fine. Drake vs. Impact vs. Alberto isn’t exactly thrilling but at least there’s something there. I hope we don’t have to go with Alberto as champion again though as I don’t think I can handle that level of indifference again.

Post match Alberto runs in and sends Drake into the post. A DDT onto the title ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. If I had to sum up this promotion in one statement, it would be lack of effort. So many of the stories here feel like the idea is “you people go out there and do this”. End of direction, end of idea, end of motivation. Maybe if we didn’t have to show classic clips or hear from KM and LAX (Why are so many people on this show either an acronym or initials?) or talk about mixed martial arts being so freaking awesome, we could get some of these people some promo time so we can have a chance to care about them. The show wasn’t the worst but it’s still lacking energy and that’s very bad as well.

Results

Taiji Ishimori b. Caleb Konley – 450

Rosemary b. Sienna and Allie – Red Wedding to Sienna

Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Sydal went to a draw

Bobby Lashley/Dan Lambert b. James Storm/Moose – Spear to Storm

Johnny Impact/Petey Williams b. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake – Starship Pain to Adonis

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling – November 23, 2017: Perfectly Harmless Fun

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 23, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re getting into the swing of these Canadian tapings but there’s a good chance this show isn’t going to mean much for the most part due to the holiday. The big story tonight is the return of Johnny Impact and Alberto El Patron after one full week away. It’s hard to say what they’ll do, though I’d put my money on brawling. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tonight, the Turkey Bowl is back. There’s a match between a bunch of people and the loser gets put in a turkey suit.

The Turkey Bowl is so cool that we need to go back to the 2008 version!

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhyno vs. Alex Shelley

Bashir is X-Division Champion and helps Shelley for a double team on Rhyno. That goes nowhere as Rhyno easily slugs both of them away and scores with a belly to belly for two on Bashir. Clipped to Rhyno getting double teamed again but the others keep getting in an argument over scoring the pin (and a $25,000 prize). Bashir rolls Shelley up for two but gets caught in a super atomic drop. Rhyno uses the distraction to Gore Shelley for the pin at 2:48 shown.

Robert Irvine has prepared a Thanksgiving dinner and I think you know where this is going later in the night.

We hear some Thanksgiving memories from wrestlers.

Eli Drake and Chris Adonis interrupt the Thanksgiving festivities and tells a story about his daddy’s mashed potatoes, which is one of the things his family does best (along with beating people up of course). The Turkey Bowl is now Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot and we’ll be drawing some random names for the five on five match. One team will be captained by Eddie Edwards.

Eddie is excited and says this is a big check off his wrestling bucket list.

The other captain is El Hijo Del Fantasma, who says Thanksgiving doesn’t mean anything in Mexico. It sounds like a party though and every party needs chocolate.

Video on the upcoming Knockouts Title tournament. It ticks Sienna off, making me think that Sienna has some intelligence to her.

Wrestlers list their favorite Thanksgiving foods.

Preview for next week’s show, including Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron.

From 2011.

Robbie E. vs. Eric Young

Joined in progress with Robbie beating up the turkey suit before dropping a middle rope elbow for two. We’re clipped to Young hitting a piledriver for the pin at 1:12 shown.

Post match, Robbie is still out so he can’t put on the suit. Therefore, Young says Robbie’s buddy Robbie T. can put it on instead. The referee says that if T. doesn’t, E. loses the TV Title (yes they had the TV Champion lose a match like this) so the suit goes on.

Caleb Konley joins Team Fantasma and Trevor Lee isn’t too happy with it.

Richard Justice is on Eddie’s team but he’s worried he can’t fit in the suit.

Various wrestlers are thankful for various things.

KM is on Fantasma’s team but doesn’t care about anything other than impressing American Top Team.

Laurel Van Ness is also on Team Edwards (despite being a villain) and makes turkey noises.

Wrestlers talk about Thanksgiving memories.

From 2016.

Robbie E. vs. Grado

I think we’re in comedy match territory. They trade fists to start but it’s a fist pound instead. That leads to back to back nipple twists before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Both guys try rollups with feet on the ropes but enforcer Aiden O’Shea cuts them off. Grado tries a sunset flip but Robbie sits on him for the pin at 2:49.

O’Shea makes Grado put the suit on but he starts to get into it. Dancing ensues.

Fallah Bahh is in the match as well. I’m assuming on Team Fantasma if they’re still alternating picks. Bahh can only say his last name and gobble gobble.

Garza Jr. is in as well and says everyone in the tournament (What tournament?) is underestimating him due to his injury.

The final entrant, and announced as a team captain, is Chris Adonis. Wait so was it five in a row or alternating? Why would they not just say that the first and last names pulled out are captains? My goodness how can they manage to screw up PULLING NAMES OUT OF A HAT??? Would a graphic have been too much to ask for?

Adonis rallies his team as we’re just forgetting the whole “Fantasma is captain” thing.

Team Edwards is ready.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice

Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

Rating: C-. Oh what were you expecting here? This was all in good fun and nothing more than a comedy match. The match was just there for the sake of having a one off match for a holiday special and as a result, it’s really hard to be harsh on it. Adonis having to wear the suit is fine and it continues a (rather goofy) tradition. It wasn’t anything good, but it’s perfectly harmless.

Overall Rating: C. Just like the main event, this was nothing you needed to see but it’s completely harmless fun. I’m rather glad they didn’t waste a regular show on a night where even fewer people than usual would be watching. Just let the show be a lighter edition for a change and get back to the regular stuff next week. This was an easy show to sit through and that’s all it should have been. If you ignore the more complicated than necessary name drawing system (Just throw up a graphic so we know who is on which side. Or drop the captains entirely as they didn’t mean anything.), this was a fun little show and that’s a good sign.

Results

Team Edwards b. Team Adonis – Rollup to Adonis

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling – October 26, 2017: Three Out of Seven is Really Bad

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 26, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

We’re back in Orlando and whatever other city/country they’re using material from this week. That’s the major issue at this point: a lot of Impact isn’t so much from Orlando but rather from all over the world. It’s nice once in a while but it’s mainly just showing how horrible the Impact Zone is. Let’s get to it.

Dan Lambert, Bobby Lashley, Moose and Stephan Bonnar arrived earlier today.

Johnny Mundo arrived earlier.

Opening sequence.

We recap Team AAA vs. Team Impact.

From AAA in Mexico.

James Storm/Ethan Carter III vs. El Hijo de Fantasma/Texano

It’s a brawl to start with Fantasma being double teamed in the corner. Texano pulls Carter outside and posts him as the brawling continues. Storm beats on Fantasma against the barricade as Carter stomps on Texano inside. The announcers recap why this feud started, which all began when Hector Guerrero didn’t vote for Fantasma in a Grand Championship match? Remember that? Remember the Grand Championship? Remember Hector Guerrero being involved in this feud? You shouldn’t, as he hasn’t been mentioned since that initial appearance.

Rating: D. This was barely a match and was much more about advancing Fantasma vs. Texano, which is a feud I didn’t even know existed coming into this show. The story continues to be a combination of uninteresting and bad here as apparently it’s over that Grand Championship match from a few weeks back. I’m sure this is leading to a six man tag at Bound For Glory, even though there’s next to no interest in this whole thing (which to be fair could apply to the company as a whole at this point).

Eli Drake is on the phone when he runs into Dutch Mantel. Apparently Eli is missing media appearances and marketing calls so Dutch wants to know what’s up. Drake blows them off and says those things aren’t important before returning to the phone. It’s not clear who he’s talking to but Drake thinks it’s time they came back.

After a break, Jim Cornette, Scott D’Amore and Mantel yell about Drake. Scott leaves to make sure they have a show tonight. Cornette comes up with an idea: if Drake loses the title, this whole thing might work itself out.

From Border City Wrestling in Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

GFW Tag Team Titles: OVE vs. Phil Atlas/Brent Banks

OVE is defending and we’re joined in progress with Dave and Atlas coming in off hot tags. Phil is taken into the corner and kicked in the face for his efforts. Jake gets two off a dropkick as the announcers talk about almost anything else. Not that it matters as Brent comes in again with a dropkick of his own and a front flip into a nip up. Dave sends the champs into each other but Banks hits a falling cutter. A top rope elbow gives Banks two but it’s the spike tombstone to Brent to retain the titles at 5:10 shown.

Rating: C-. Who are Phil Atlas and Brent Banks and why does GFW think I’m interested in them? Better yet, what is Border City Wrestling? AAA and Pro Wrestling Noah are big deals but the Crash and Border City aren’t exactly household names, or really even big time indies. They’re just promotions that are included occasionally and it’s not like this is outstanding action or anything like that. It’s another match that doesn’t do anything for me and that’s been the case since these international matches started.

Another long recap of Moose/Bonnar vs. American Top Team. By the way we’re 24 minutes into the show and we haven’t seen any wrestlers in the Impact Zone arena.

Drake won’t do an interview and texts someone instead.

From Pro Wrestling Noah in Tokyo.

GHC Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Naomichi Marafuji

Edwards is defending. Feeling out process to start as they run the ropes with neither being able to get much of an advantage. It’s a standoff and we’re clipped to Eddie hitting a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. An enziguri knocks Marafuji off the top but he comes back with a no sold Saito suplex. A hard shot to the chest drops Marafuji and we’re clipped to Edwards not being able to hit a suplex.

Clipped again to Marafuji kicking Eddie in the head to stop a dive. They head outside with the pads being pulled back. Eddie can’t hit a piledriver on the concrete but settles for a superkick instead. Another clip takes us to Eddie hitting a nasty suicide dive. Clipped again to Eddie getting piledriven on the apron (good looking crash) and yet again to Marafuji hitting a top rope C4 for two.

Another clip has Eddie grabbing a super hurricanrana, followed by another clip into the Boston Knee Party getting two. A tiger bomb gets two more and it’s an Emerald Fusion to retain Eddie’s title at 6:36 shown. Way too many clips to fairly rate this but this looked to be a heck of a match, which ran about twenty six minutes in full.

Marafuji shakes his hand post match.

OVE is sick of LAX and has a friend to help them out. We don’t see his face but he gives a thumbs up, which switches to a thumbs down. That’s the pose of Sami Callihan, who has been rumored to be coming to the promotion.

Drake says he doesn’t have time to talk but is ready for his tag match against Johnny Impact and Garza Jr.

Laurel Van Ness is in the arena with two glasses of champagne. She’s the first GFW talent in the arena tonight and we’re 47 minutes into the show.

Back to Border City Wrestling in Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

Petey Williams vs. Idris Abraham vs. Tarik vs. Kiyomiya

One fall to a fall and it’s a brawl to start with Kiyomiya getting knocked down, setting up a brawl between Abraham and Tarik. Abraham gets put in the Tree of Woe for O Canada and we’re clipped to Petey hitting running corner dropkicks. Petey dives onto Kiyomiya and grabs a crucifix for two on Tarik.

Back in and Abraham starts cleaning house with some forearms, only to have Tarik send him into the corner for a running elbow. What looks to be a Cross Rhodes is broken up and it’s Tarik hitting Ricochet’s Benadryller for two on Kiyomiya. Petey comes back in with a bicycle kick and it’s the Canadian Destroyer to put Tarik away at 5:55.

Rating: C. Pretty standard four way match and I’m not even going to bother making the same complaints that I’ve made so far. The other problem here is this was a way to showcase Petey Williams. That’s all well and good, but is there NO ONE else that could get this kind of a spotlight? I mean, of course that would suggest actually putting the focus in the arena and on GFW, which isn’t the point of this show, at least in the first half.

Recap of Impact vs. Drake.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis vs. Johnny Impact/Garza Jr.

Adonis shoves Garza into the corner to start and Garza TAKES OFF HIS….shirt. Dang it that’s quite the tease. An enziguri puts Adonis down and it’s off to Impact for some double chops. Chris pulls Impact’s hair from the apron though and Drake comes in to hammer away. Everything breaks down for a big and Drake clears the ring without too much effort.

Adonis adds a clothesline to take Johnny down but he sends the villains into each other, allowing the hot tag to Garza. That means IT’S TIME FOR GARZA TO TAKE OFF HIS PANTS, followed by a superkick to Adonis. Stereo moonsaults get two on Drake but Garza gets knocked down as we take a break.

Back with Garza getting double teamed in the corner and Adonis doing his biceps pose (This guy might have fewer moves than Kevin Nash). We hit a camel clutch for a bit before it’s off to Drake for a bad looking powerslam. Garza kicks him away though and it’s the hot tag to Johnny. A running knee to Adonis sets up the springboard corkscrew crossbody with Drake making the save. Everything breaks down and Adonis hits Drake by mistake, allowing Johnny to grab a rollup for the pin at 14:02.

Rating: C. Just a tag match here though they made a point of having Drake avoid Impact. They’ve set up a nice little story for the title match, but the company is kidding themselves if they think this is the top story going into the pay per view. The World Champion shouldn’t be taking a huge backseat to something that isn’t a really important feud and that’s not something Bound For Glory has.

Alberto El Patron is returning at Bound For Glory.

Video on Trevor Lee coming to the Crash and wondering who he’s facing for the X-Division Title.

From the Crash in Tijuana, Mexico.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Ultimo Ninja

Lee is defending, which shouldn’t be that surprising as we haven’t seen Ninja (Garza Jr.’s brother) before. Ninja wastes no time in taking Lee down for a dropsault. Lee sends him outside and scores with the running apron kick to the chest. Back in and things slow down again with Lee slowly stomping and posing a lot. Ninja fights back with a missile dropkick for two, followed by a running flip dive to the floor. A spinning kick to Lee’s face gets two more on Lee but he raises his boots to block a moonsault. The standing double stomp retains Lee’s title at 6:00.

Rating: D+. It’s not a good sign when the fans who know Ninja didn’t seem to care about him either. This was a short match with two guys not doing much of anything special. There was no reason to believe that the title was changing hands, making it just a step ahead of an old school squash.

Global Forged.

King Mo doesn’t like Moose or Bonnar. You remember King Mo right? He’s that MMA guy who shows up every few years, doesn’t do anything important and leaves again without most people realizing he’s gone. But he a Bellator mainstay so he’s always being brought back. His history with TNA isn’t mentioned here so if you don’t know that stuff coming in, he’s just an MMA fighter with a big mouth.

Moose vs. Bobby Lashley

Bonnar and Lambert are the seconds here. They don’t waste time as it’s Moose taking him into the corner to start for some hard forearms to the chest. Lashley sends him into the corner as well for some forearms of his own. Moose puts him on the top for a dropkick out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Lambert grabbing Moose’s leg so Lashley can kick him to the floor. Lambert gets in some choking with a boot as he’s holding some kind of trophy. Lashley hits some posing on the floor and stomps away on Moose back inside. There’s something to be said about someone who can do all the power stuff and wrestle a strong amateur style going with a simple offense instead.

It’s quite the heel move as he’s basically saying he doesn’t need to go to the good stuff when simple offense is more than enough. A chinlock doesn’t last long and it’s Moose coming back with the bicycle kick. Moose’s hesitation dropkick connects but Lambert comes in for the DQ at 11:41.

Rating: C. Something that has gone under the radar in this feud: Dan Lambert is a pretty good heel manager. He’s obnoxious and condescending and can talk fairly well, but he’s stuck in this terrible story. Kind of a shame really. Anyway this worked well and they were smart to do the non-finish with less than two weeks before Bound For Glory. Lashley and Moose are good choices for power guys and you can almost guarantee a tag match at the pay per view. I have no idea why we’re not just seeing this singles match there, but I’m assuming it’s something about the company thinking wrestling fans care about MMA.

Moose and Bonnar clean house post match with Moose powerbombing one of the American Top Team guys onto the pile. The MMA guys bail to the stage and Moose throws out a challenge for Six Sides of Steel at Bound For Glory.

A promo for LAX vs. OVE wraps us up.

Overall Rating: D-. They do know that Bound For Glory is in less than two weeks? You really could have cut this show down to about thirty five minutes and no one would have noticed the difference. There were seven matches on this show and three of them (one of which was heavily clipped) involved wrestlers with matches actually on the pay per view card. It really does feel like they’re throwing whatever they can out there and hoping people watch.

I know they have some issues with filling in so much content over the way too long marathon taping sessions but filling it in with this isn’t working. There’s a good chance that they’re going to do the exact same thing with the Ottawa tapings and that’s going to make for some very, very long episodes in the future. This show was hard to sit through and that’s with a goal in sight. How bad is it going to be when they don’t have a pay per view for another eight months?

Results

James Storm/Ethan Carter III b. El Hijo de Fantasma/Texano – Last Call to Fantasma

OVE b. Phil Atlas/Brent Banks – Spike tombstone to Banks

Eddie Edwards b. Naomichi Marafuji – Emerald Fusion

Petey Williams b. Tarik, Idris Abraham and Kiyomiya – Canadian Destroyer to Tarik

Johnny Impact/Garza Jr. b. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis – Rollup to Adonis

Trevor Lee b. Ultimo Ninja – Standing double stomp

Moose b. Bobby Lashley via DQ when Dan Lambert interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – September 28, 2017: Can We Get Them A Motivational Poster?

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 28, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re still in the invasion period as stars from both AAA in Mexico and the American Top Team fighters are around, making lives rather difficult for the Impact Wrestling crew. With less than two months to go before Bound For Glory, things are starting to pick up and that means some stuff needs to start being set up. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks like the World and X-Division Title matches tonight.

Opening sequence.

X-Division Title: Petey Williams vs. Trevor Lee

Williams is challenging because he doesn’t like how Lee stole the title and wants to return the title to its glory days. You know, like when you cheated by using a hockey stick or various other Canadian things. In other words, this story is a stretch at best and unnecessary at worst. Williams hurricanranas him down to start as the announcers debate the wrestlers’ IQ’s.

Lee sends him into the steps to take over though and another hard whip into the corner gets two on Petey. As Josh takes shots at fans/news talking about the company being in trouble, Lee grabs a quickly broken chinlock. A Canadian legsweep gets two but Caleb Konley gets on the apron for a distraction. Now the Canadian Destroyer connects but Lee pulls the referee out at two. Petey begs for it to not be a DQ and settles for Konkey being ejected instead. The distraction lets Lee hit a belt shot for two but the standing double stomp puts Williams away to retain at 8:09.

Rating: C. I’m still waiting on a reason to care about Williams other than nostalgia. He’s a one move guy and nothing else he does really stands out. Yeah he used to be a big deal around here but that was over ten years ago and it’s hard to care about him now when I didn’t care about him in the first place. Lee retaining is good though I’m not looking forward to them just throwing the title up in an Ultimate X match instead of having a story put together.

LAX is ready to retain their Tag Team Titles.

Taya Valkyrie/Taryn Terrell/Sienna vs. Gail Kim/Allie/Rosemary

Sienna and Rosemary start things off with the latter throwing the champ around like she’s nothing. It’s off to Taryn who runs from Gail and brings in Taya instead. Everything breaks down with the villains being sent outside as we take a break. Back with Gail getting triple teams and Taryn hitting a swinging faceplant for two. The Road to Valhalla is broken up though and the hot tag brings in Allie to clean house. Not that it matters as Sienna rolls Allie up and puts her feet on the ropes for the pin at 9:34.

Rating: C-. Just a match here with a good chunk being spent on a commercial. The Knockouts division is starting to pick up steam again but it’s not going to matter if we just hand it right back to Kim for the sake of a big retirement present. Allie has become just another person too and that’s quite the shame after everything she did over the spring. There’s still time for her but sweet goodness it’s gone down hill in a hurry.

Eli Drake says he’ll retain and that’s just a fact of life.

An exhausted Grado goes to dinner with Joseph Park and is given his first royalty check. Without looking at it, Grado offers to take care of dinner but Park has to leave to answer a call. Grado opens the envelope and really isn’t happy.

Johnny Impact has stolen Drake’s couch and says he’ll take his title tonight too.

Here’s James Storm for a chat. He doesn’t like the AAA guys coming in and disrespecting him like so many other wrestlers have done in the past. This is GFW (not for long dude) and Storm has the fans stand up and chant the letters with him. He doesn’t care what the AAA guys think because he’ll be here beating people up and drinking beer. Cue Texano but Storm says cut the music.

Storm doesn’t have a problem with Mexicans but he has a problem with Texano. A Taco Bell joke is made and the fight is on. Fantasma runs in to beat on Storm with Texano beating on him with the bullrope and hitting his own Last Call. Fantasma calls AAA the best company in the world but Ethan Carter runs in to break up a beer bottle shot to Storm’s head. House is cleaned and Storm offers a handshake, which Carter finally accepts.

Post break Storm and Carter demand a match from Jim Cornette even though they hate each other. Cornette makes it for next week but tells them not to screw up the AAA deal.

Another video on Global Forged. I still have no idea why this is supposed to be interesting.

Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. OVE

OVE is challenging and goes straight at the champs during the entrances. Dave rolls Santana up for two to start as the announcers talk about the World Title match. Santana is right back up with a middle rope Russian legsweep and we take a break. Back with Dave in trouble and Ortiz dropping a middle rope legdrop for two.

A double suplex drops Dave again but he rolls away and brings in Jake for the house cleaning. Jake powerslams Santana into the corner (cool) for two, followed by a super hurricanrana for the same. A Death Valley Driver sends Dave into Jake for a rather near fall. Back up and Dave grabs Search Encompass (a snap DDT) for the pin and the titles at 11:14.

Rating: C. The match was fine but they didn’t have time to do much with it. OVE winning makes sense and they’ve been built up well enough though I have no idea who they’re supposed to feud with other than LAX. In other words, get ready for the big gimmick rematch at Bound For Glory.

As usual, we speed away from the title change to get to what matters: a video on Lashley deciding if he wants to be a fighter or a wrestler. Dan Lambert brags about how awesome of a fighter Lashley can be and tells the cameras to get out of here. Can someone please explain to me why an MMA gym owner is the top heel in this promotion?

Johnny Impact is ready to win the title.

GFW World Title: Johnny Impact vs. Eli Drake

Drake is defending and unless there’s something else to end the show, they have nearly half an hour. Eli sends him into the corner to start but gets tossed outside for his efforts. Back in and a neckbreaker drops Impact again. Impact slugs away until Chris Adonis pulls him down from the floor, earning Adonis an ejection.

Back from a break with Drake teasing walking out and getting suplexed on the ramp for his efforts. Johnny charges into an elbow in the corner though, followed by an elbow on the apron for two. A chinlock keeps things slow with Josh saying it’s not boring because it’s how Drake wins matches. Fair enough.

Johnny fights up with a neckbreaker and the breakdancing legdrop, followed by the standing shooting star for two. Back from a break with Drake getting two off Blunt Force Trauma. The referee gets bumped so there’s no one to count the pin off the Flying Chuck. Adonis comes back as Drake hits Impact with the belt for two from another referee.

Drake punches the second referee as Adonis helps beat Impact down. The belt shot hits Adonis though and Johnny’s flip neckbreaker gets two more from the first referee. Drake shoves the first referee and kicks Johnny low, setting up the Gravy Train to retain Drake’s title at 25:23.

Rating: C-. So did Cornette just skip off to Wendy’s and miss the entire main event? Of all the things he complains about seeing, this is the kind of thing he would likely stop in a heartbeat but all this stuff is just allowed to happen? The match was fine, albeit completely overbooked of course, which tends to be the case in so many of these main events. You can probably pencil this in for the main event of Bound For Glory too, which isn’t the worst idea in the world.

Post match Adonis holds Impact so Eli can talk trash to him. Of all people, freaking Garza Jr. runs in for the save but LAX comes in to beat everyone down. Konnan shoves a fan and LAX takes down an Impact official. Adonis and Drake beat up some referees as Cornette and Scott D’Amore come out to end the show. Of all the people you could put into that spot, GARZA JR.??? REALLY?

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t terrible for the most part but the lack of personalities is getting worse every week. Drake and Impact (to a lesser degree) can talk quite well but for the most part, people just come in, do their matches and leave without making any kind of connection to the fans. It doesn’t help that the big villain is an MMA guy and the second villains are all from AAA for a lame invasion angle.

Overall, the show just feels lifeless at times and boring the rest of the time. There’s very little that stands out as impressive on the show and it feels like a combination of unoriginal stuff with uninspired characters. The wrestling is watchable but they really need to work on their storytelling, which is a disaster at the moment.

Results

Trevor Lee b. Petey Williams – Standing double stomp

Taya Valkyrie/Taryn Terrell/Sienna b. Gail Kim/Allie/Rosemary – Rollup to Allie with feet on the ropes

OVE b. LAX – Search Encompass to Ortiz

Eli Drake b. Johnny Impact – Gravy Train

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – August 31, 2017: In Need of a Blow Torch

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Date: August 31, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s officially the Eli Drake Era here and that means the talking is going to get a lot better. Last week Drake became the new World Champion by outlasting most of the roster in Gauntlet for the Gold. Now it’s time to get ready for Bound For Glory and that means starting to set up a card, though they have some time to work with for a change. Let’s get to it.

Chris Adonis and Eli Drake arrive.

In the far more important story though, American Top Team arrives with owner Dan Lambert telling Jeff Jarrett that he doesn’t want any peace with him.

Here are Drake and Adonis for a chat in front of a big zebra print couch. Drake has worked hard for fourteen years and now he has this title. It actually makes him mad because it should have been so much faster. Earlier today, he was at the pool and wound up having a rather nice afternoon with a cougar featuring some nice plastic. He didn’t get much rest today but now he’s here to say that Drake being champion is just a fact of life, no matter who you are.

Cue Johnny Impact to say he’s had more names than Drake has won titles and knows what it takes to become a champion. This brings out Eddie Edwards to say he’s been around here a long time and that means he’s above Johnny on the totem pole. They both want shots and Johnny is willing to fight to earn his.

Cue Jim Cornette to make a tag match between the four of them for tonight. If Drake gets the pinfall, he doesn’t have to defend against any of them. If any of the other three gets the fall though, they get the shot. Of note here: Cornette came out, talked about how hot the title hunt was, made the match and was done in less than 75 seconds. Now that’s how this kind of stuff should be.

Allie comes up to ask Taryn Terrell why she was so mean to Gail Kim. Taryn: “You re so f’ing annoying!” Allie gets punched in the face and slammed into a wall with Taryn saying to make sure Gail gets the message.

Mario Bokara/Fallah Bahh vs. OVE

Bokara gets caught in the wrong corner and a swinging neckbreaker gives Jake two. We see LAX watching from their clubhouse. Bahh comes in and runs Jake over but misses the legdrop, leaving Mario to take a double kick in the corner. Dave comes in for a Doomsday Device with a cutter instead of a clothesline for the pin on Bokara at 2:52. Another squash.

Moose is in Cornette’s office where Jim tells him that he’ll be on TripleMania in Mexico (which has already taken place), along with Lashley, who is looking for him. Ethan Carter III comes in to ask why he’s not on TripleMania but Cornette says he’s got a Grand Championship defense. Ethan: “I didn’t know about that.” Cornette: “Oh you didn’t know?” Ethan: “No I didn’t know.” Cornette and Moose: “Your A** BETTER CALL SOMEBODY!”

Caleb Konley vs. Petey Williams

This is Petey’s first singles match on the show in eight years. Don’t care? Well neither do I, but they’ve mentioned it three times now so it must be a big deal. Konley has Trevor Lee with him. Petey headscissors him over a few times but gets distracted by Trevor, allowing Konley to legsweep him down.

Petey gets beaten down and sent hard into the corner for two. A Russian legsweep into a crucifix gives Petey two and he avoids a moonsault for good measure. Lee gets on the apron to break up the Canadian Destroyer though, sending Petey over the top for a slingshot hurricanrana to take Trevor down. A slingshot Codebreaker sets up the Destroyer to give Petey the pin at 5:54.

Rating: C. So…..Petey Williams is back. I’m not sure why this is supposed to be a big deal but that’s exactly what we got. The match was fine but nothing we haven’t seen, including all of Petey’s big spots. The division can use the extra talent, though Williams isn’t someone I’ve thought of since he left.

Sonjay Dutt saves Petey from a post-match beatdown.

Richard Justice has a match tonight.

Karen Jarrett yells at Taryn for attacking Allie and makes Taryn/Sienna vs. Allie/Gail. She might even throw in some stipulations when we get to the match. Karen is just so forced in this role.

Richard Justice vs. Kongo Kong

The top rope splash ends Justice at 51 seconds.

Mahabali Shera comes out to save Justice from a post match beating.

Johnny Impact is ready to take Eli Drake’s gravy train to Slam Town.

Konnan tells Low Ki to send James Storm to the hospital.

James Storm vs. Low Ki

This is Storm’s first match since Slammiversary. Ki knocks him into the ropes to start so LAX can get in some cheap shots from the floor. Some right hands in the corner set up the same result and it’s off to a seated abdominal stretch on Storm. James fights up with a running enziguri and a running neckbreaker.

The Eye of the Storm is countered so Storm tries a catapult, only to get caught with a middle rope Warrior’s Way for two. A second attempt at the Eye of the Storm doesn’t work either but Ki misses the real Warrior’s Way. Now the Eye of the Storm gets two but LAX offers a distraction. The Last Call looks to finish Ki, only to have Santana come in with a belt shot. Ki adds the Warrior’s Way for the pin at 9:20.

Rating: B-. Good match but sweet goodness I do not care about Ki or LAX in general. They’re not interesting in any way and that makes for some dull moments. At least they’re not the focus though and this midcard role is WAY better for them than as the top heels in the company. Assuming Alberto doesn’t come back as their top star in November, I’m fine with them where they are.

Allie is telling Braxton Sutter about what happened when Garza Jr. comes up to check on her. Sutter doesn’t like it and tells him to get out.

Jim Cornette recaps the Lashley/American Top Team stuff, which is mainly a way to show Karen screeching a lot.

Pagano is coming.

Joseph Park goes over Grado and Laurel Van Ness’ wedding checklist. Park’s uncle Tobias is going to be DJ and he’s one of the best in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Laurel’s family is coming down from Canada and Park panics. It’s about time they got to that detail.

Taya Valkyrie is coming.

Lashley hasn’t made a decision on his future yet but he’s ready to go to TripleMania and clean house.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis vs. Johnny Impact/Eddie Edwards

If Johnny or Eddie get the pin, they’re #1 contender. I’m going to assume there’s something else after this as the bell rang at 9:30. Eddie chops Adonis to start before it’s off to Johnny for a headlock. Drake comes in and runs from an Impact kick to the face. Instead it’s back to Adonis who eats a standing shooting star for two.

Everything breaks down and the Shot of Caffeine drops Drake, followed by a running corkscrew dive to drop Adonis as we take a break. Back with Johnny’s breakdancing legdrop getting two on Drake. Impact gets taken into the wrong corner for a beating as the announcers keep name dropping MMA fighters. Not only do most of them not mean anything to me as a casual MMA fan, but if I wanted to watch MMA, I’d be watching that instead.

A double suplex gets two on Impact but he kicks Eli away for the hot tag to Eddie. Some chops and a Blue Thunder Bomb get two on Adonis and we take a break. Back with Adonis grabbing an abdominal stretch on Eddie with some bonus forearms to the ribs. Eddie fights out and brings in Impact to speed things up. Adonis saves Drake from the split legged moonsault and it’s a double Moonlight Drive for two on Drake. Eli throws him into a bearhug from Adonis before forearming Edwards off the apron.

The match just keeps going as Eddie saves Impact from taking another double suplex. Everything breaks down and the Flying Chuck sets up kind of a cartwheel 450 (with the fans counting him down) for another near fall as Adonis makes the save. Eddie dives onto Adonis and Drake for no cover but Eli gets in a low blow to set up the Gravy Train (Eli Drop/White Noise) for the pin at 26:00.

Rating: C-. Well that was long. I have no idea why this needed almost half an hour when it was an average tag match at best. It was completely watchable but that doesn’t mean I need to see that much of it. Drake getting the pin is interesting as he needs a challenger and I kind of like the idea of not going with the obvious for a change.

Post match American Top Team comes out to say these four should be scared to death right now. Cornette comes out and tells Lashley to tell Lambert under control before he goes to TripleMania. That’s not all though as Cornette makes Drake vs. Matt Sydal next week for the title. Matt comes out to stare at Drake to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I really don’t have any feelings about this show whatsoever, save from wanting to weld Karen Jarrett’s mouth shut and ban any mention of mixed martial arts from this show forever. It’s pretty clear that the American Top Team stuff is going to be a major story all the way until Bound For Glory and that’s really not good news.

It’s also not a good sign that the story is completely overshadowing the new World Champion and whatever he’s doing but that’s always been a trope of this company: you have the biggest title in the promotion but then you have the REAL top story above that. Good enough show this week but as always, it’s far from without its big flaws. Like not knowing when TripleMania aired. Get that stuff right.

Results

OVE b. Mario Bokara/Fallah Bahh – Top rope cutter to Bokara

Petey Williams b. Caleb Konley – Canadian Destroyer

Kongo Kong b. Richard Justice – Top rope splash

Low Ki b. James Storm – Warrior’s Way

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis b. Johnny Impact/Eddie Edwards – Gravy Train to Edwards

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling – June 8, 2017: Some Things Really Are the Same Everywhere

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Date: June 8, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

Opening sequence.

Bruce Prichard ignores a tag team called the Mumbai Cats.

X-Division Title: Caleb Konley vs. Low Ki

Video on Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle.

Davey Richards vs. Vikus Kumar

Video on the TNA Hall of Fame.

Josh promises a sparring session next week.

Swoggle chases Spud down the aisle and into the crowd.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Lashley vs. ???

LAX celebrates having both sets of Tag Team Titles.

Video of Spud traveling to India.

Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Rosemary

Laurel, still in the wedding dress, is challenging and has Sienna in her corner. Sienna starts fast and sends Rosemary into the post so Laurel can stomp away. Rosemary pops up and stares at Sienna, causing a collision on the apron. A rollup retains the title at 1:59.

Global Force Wrestling Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Chris Adonis

Drake and Adonis beat El Patron down with Lashley watching from the ramp. Moose runs in for the save to end the show.

Results

Davey Richards b. Vikus Kumar – Ankle lock

Lashley b. Moose – Spear

Rosemary b. Laurel Van Ness – Rollup

Alberto El Patron b. Chris Adonis – Double stomp

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6