IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 30, 2003
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

The Heyman Era has its first full night this week and you can imagine that Vince McMahon isn’t all that happy with him. Last week’s show ended with Undertaker managing to defeat Big Show and Brock Lesnar in the same match. Naturally he pinned them both in one match because wins and losses don’t matter to champions in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s big story with Heyman becoming GM and Undertaker overcoming the odds to set up his Buried Alive match at Survivor Series. It’s amazing how much younger and energetic (and less bloated) Heyman looks here. This eats up over four minutes.

Opening sequence.

At Survivor Series: Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar.

A-Train/John Cena vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Rematch from last week where Angle and Benoit got in a fight. Before the match, Cena thinks Angle and Benoit are breaking up but then they were kissing and making up. Oh and he and A-Train are Han Solo and a Wookie. The chicks dig that about A-Train though. Benoit headlocks Cena to start as the announcers talk about who might be on which Survivor Series team.

A hiptoss sends Cena into the corner and it’s off to Angle to beat on him even more. A-Train comes in and gets suplexed, followed by a backdrop to Cena. That’s enough of a distraction for A-Train to blast Cena with a clothesline, followed by a Vader Bomb for two as the pace picks up a little bit. Something like a Polish Hammer gives Cena two (there’s a move that could come back) and the big clothesline puts Angle down again.

A DDT allows the hot tag to Benoit who starts cleaning house with a running forearm to A-Train. Benoit grabs the German suplex but the Swan Dive only hits mat. Angle is right back in with an Angle Slam to A-Train, only to walk into an FU. Not that it matters as Benoit rolls the German suplexes on A-Train, followed by the Swan Dive for the pin. How often do you see that get a clean fall?

Rating: C. This was entertaining and got a little bit of time to make things that much better. A-Train is good in the role of enforcer and Cena is getting better in the ring. You can see a lot of the Survivor Series teams from here and that makes for some fun times. They could put together a good match and if the build works as well, so be it.

Post match Cena yells at A-Train and gets slapped so Cena kicks him low. An FU plants A-Train and I think the face turn has begun.

Vince rips into Heyman for screwing everything up last week and says there won’t be a Buried Alive match because there won’t be an Undertaker at Survivor Series. Heyman says that’s going to be a problem because he’s given Undertaker time off until Survivor Series. The following is a direct quote.

Vince: “This is what’s gonna happen. Terrorists are going to burn down the Undertaker’s house. His children are going to be kidnapped. His wife, she’s gonna be raped by a motorcycle gang, right in front of him. That’s the plan I want implemented!” BUT REMEMBER! THE MOST DASTARDLY THING VINCE EVER DID WAS CLOTHESLINE AND BODY SLAM STEPHANIE! Vince wants all this done in fifteen minutes or he’s going to strangle Heyman to death in the arena.

Torrie Wilson is getting ready for a Trick or Treat contest and sizes up some of her options. Naturally she just got out of the shower and is in a towel.

Angle asks Benoit to be on his team and Chris accepts. They are NOT friends though.

Heyman goes to see Vince and tells him he didn’t go through with any part of Vince’s plan. Good for him to not be in on the terroristic threats and various other crimes. Vince isn’t happy and promises to strangle Heyman to death and THEN fire him. Paul asks why Vince has sunk this low. He used to go toe to toe with Steve Austin and now he’s happy with slapping around Paul Heyman, Zach Gowen and Stephanie McMahon? Heyman wants the ruthless Vince who destroyed WCW and stared down the federal government. We get the big inspirational speech and Vince seems to buy it.

The announcers want to know what’s going on.

Video on the recent house show tour. Are they running short tonight and needing to fill time?

Ultimate Dragon vs. Rey Mysterio

Tajiri sits in on commentary with his bodyguards at his side. Rey’s tights are rather odd as he has his usual blue/green tights but what looks to be purple cutoff jean shorts over top of them. A spinning springboard crossbody gets two on Dragon as Tajiri is rather tight lipped about anything Cole asks him. He does apologize for misting Nidia but says she’s not nice. Rey dropkicks the knee out and the sitout bulldog is good for two. Dragon backdrops him over the top to avoid the 619 and kicks him out of the air for good measure. The ref gets bumped and Tajiri kicks Rey (behind Dragon’s back) for the pin. Dragon is confused.

Post match Tajiri and the goons get in with Tajiri bowing to Dragon, who just shrugs and leaves.

Big Show and Brock Lesnar bicker about last week’s loss. A production assistant comes in to say Heyman wants to see Lesnar in the ring. Show: “That can’t be good.”

Here’s Heyman, flanked by Nathan Jones and another giant. Heyman introduces Jones as someone who is feared on several continents and was given bad advice by Undertaker. His fellow monster is Matt Morgan, meaning Heyman has scooped both Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff because Morgan will dominate everyone put in front of him. With the two of them guarding him, Heyman wants Lesnar here right now.

Cue Brock with a smile on his face and telling Paul to shut up. Brock isn’t dumb enough to get in there with those two monsters but Heyman wants to talk business. That’s cool with Lesnar but he brings out Big Show just in case. Lesnar still hates Heyman’s guts, but if he wants to talk business then it’s another thing. Heyman has named Lesnar a captain at Survivor Series and he’s already given Brock three team members: Big Show, Jones and Morgan. There are two other men who want to be the last member of the team, so tonight it’s Big Show/Lesnar vs. the APA. Heyman says to trust his greed, which seems to work for Brock.

Orlando Jordan and Paul London are playing Smackdown vs. Raw when Dawn Marie comes in to show off her costume. They seem pleased and go back to the game.

Hardcore Holly is still coming back.

Funaki, in an afro and loud jacket, is the emcee for the Trick or Treat contest. Torrie is a sexy bunny (complete with carrots) and Dawn is Wonder Woman (a required costume). They both get to present their costumes and of course Torrie wins, despite wearing a bit more than she usually does. Next up is bobbing for apples in chocolate with Dawn covering herself in said chocolate and taking her top off. Tazz says that’s the treat so let’s show Funaki the trick. Torrie shoves Tazz into the chocolate. Was this supposed to be funny? The costumes looked good but the “comedy”….not so much.

Ernest Miller is coming. WHY???

Brock offers Cena the last spot on the team but doesn’t get an answer.

Tazz, still covered in chocolate, hugs Cole.

Chavo Guerrero reminds Eddie of his recent losses. He’s sinking low again, like when he was on drugs and alcohol. What is with the writing on this show tonight?

We recap Eddie’s losses. Can we get a match anytime soon?

Here’s a depressed Eddie, on foot, for a chat as the lack of wrestling continues. Chavo wanted a public apology for Eddie losing two titles in a week. It’s true that Eddie let people down, including la familia. Eddie apologizes in Spanish and says what Chavo told him hurt. He’s been fighting his addictions for a long time and it’s life for him instead of a game. A fan says Eddie sucks and Eddie agrees with him. Why did Chavo have to bring that up?

Eddie talks about his character being defined by how he picks himself up after being knocked down. A smile creeps onto his face and Eddie says he’s going to fight for Chavo and his raza. Cue Shaniqua with the Tag Team Titles. Eddie: “A mamacita wannabe!” It’s a ruse so the Bashams can come in for a beatdown but Eddie fights all of them off. Danny breaks up a frog splash attempt though and Eddie gets beaten down. Way to use the energy from that really good promo guys. Chavo FINALLY comes in for the save.

Post break Eddie rants to Heyman about wanting the Bashams so he gets them next week….in a handicap match. You know, like last week. Eddie freaks out.

Angle announces the rest of his team: the APA and Bob Holly. And we’re supposed to pay to see those three against Jones and Morgan?

The announcers mess with the chocolate some more.

Survivor Series rundown.

Since we haven’t talked enough yet, Undertaker has a sitdown interview to talk about why he picked Vince. Sometimes you have to take beatings to get what you want but Big Show and Lesnar will get what’s coming to them later. Undertaker wants the title back so he has to get rid of Vince to get him there. Vince has dug his own grave.

Big Show/Brock Lesnar vs. APA

Yep, it’s your main event. Brock and Bradshaw start things off with the champ throwing him into the corner without much effort. Bradshaw gets in a shoulder but it’s off to Show to run him over again. A side slam and headbutt have Bradshaw rocked even more as this is one sided so far. Faarooq comes in for some better results, including charging at Show and clearly pulling up before hitting a shoulder. Show boots him in the face as everything breaks down. A chair to Faarooq’s back is enough for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Nothing match here but you can imagine the post match angle that it was there to allow. The APA just doesn’t matter in 2003 and there’s really no hiding it anymore. They used to be good but Faarooq is too old and it’s getting harder for them to find ways around it. There was nothing to see here and that was the planned idea.

Post match Lesnar and Show destroy Faarooq’s leg with a chair. Bradshaw gets chaired down as well but it’s Benoit and Angle coming in for the save. A double submission goes on but Morgan and Jones run in for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Total wrestling time on this show: 12:27. Now I can live with a show with very little wrestling if the rest is good but remember what we had on this show. We went from Vince wanting to have Undertaker’s wife raped to Nathan Jones/Matt Morgan being presented as main eventers to a costume contest with Tazz being shoved into chocolate to a speech about overcoming addictions to Bob Holly being presented as a main eventer. This was horrible and I don’t know if Vince was preoccupied with the wedding or something else but it was a complete mess with almost nothing of value in two hours.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena sticks and moves to start but Show throws him to the floor with ease. Still mostly uneducated, Cena tries to come back in with a high cross body and gets powerslammed to teach him a lesson. Cole describes a headbutt from Show as being hit in the head with a typewriter. Are there a lot of reports of being hit in the head with typewriters and comparisons to headbutts from large wrestlers?

Raw Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Rob Van Dam/Booker T.

Bubba tries a little Flip Flop and Fly but gets kick in the face for his troubles. Van Dam adds one to D-Von and we settle down to Jindrak beating on Booker. Dupree tags himself in and La Resistance takes over with stomps and a bow and arrow from Conway. After far too long in the hold, Booker gets up and grabs a spinebuster, allowing the tag to Van Dam. House is quickly cleaned as everything breaks down. Cade breaks up 3D on Booker but Booker nails the scissors kick on Conway, followed by the Five Star to retain at 7:57.

We recap Christian vs. Chris Jericho. This was an awesome story as the two were tag partners who made a bet over who could “nail” Lita or Trish respectfully for $1 Canadian. Lita dropped out of the story pretty quickly but Jericho started to actually fall for Trish. She started to have feelings for Jericho too but Christian hated the fact that she was breaking up the team. Christian beat her up in an intergender match to teach Jericho (a full on good guy by now) a lesson. This started a feud between the two and the big showdown is at Wrestlemania.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

The aggressive Jericho controls to start and backdrops Christian from the apron out to the floor in a unique spot. A springboard plancha puts Christian down but he comes right back with something like a belly to back suplex to send Chris out to the floor in a huge crash. A chinlock keeps Jericho down for a bit before they ram heads to keep him down even longer.

Jericho counters into the Walls though and holds on even as Christian crawls through the ropes to the floor. This brings Trish out to ringside as Christian plants Jericho with a DDT. Trish gets up on the apron so Christian drags her in. Jericho goes over to check on her and gets elbowed in the face by mistake, knocking Jericho into a rollup for the pin at 14:56.

Rating: B-. Fun match here but this was much more about the story than the action. This story worked really well all around and everyone comes out of it looking better, mainly because they took their time and let the story build instead of wedging it into a month and then doing one match followed by a gimmick rematch. It makes for a better story and the whole thing works.

Post match Jericho goes after Christian again but Trish holds him back, only to slap him into the Unprettier. Trish and Christian leave together and kiss on the stage. This gives us evil Trish which, in a word, worked.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Rating: B. This was great fun with Rock and Flair being the hams that only they can be. They knew they were in the big arena for the smart fans and they played right to them. The real star here though was Foley, who made Orton look like a star here, just as he was supposed to do. They would do that again the next month at Backlash in their big showdown where Foley put Orton over and made him look like a star. Orton would be World Champion in August and these two matches played a big role in getting him there.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony, which made its return after an eight year absence. The line of the night came from Bobby Heenan. After thanking everyone: “One thing is missing. I wish Monsoon was here.” That gets me every time.

The Class of 2004 is brought out for the audience and each gets an introduction: Bobby Heenan (playing to the crowd the entire way through), Tito Santana, Big John Studd (represented by his son), Harley Race (the fans start cheering before Gene can start talking), Pete Rose (celebrity induction and said to be incredibly humble and thankful for the honor), Don Muraco, Greg Valentine (much bigger reaction than I was expecting), Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter), Billy Graham (loudest ovation of the group in a bit of a surprise), Sgt. Slaughter (USA chant) and Jesse Ventura.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Clips of fans coming from around the world to see Wrestlemania.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

This is a gauntlet match with Chavo Guerrero (with his father Chavo Sr.) defending and going in last at #10. Shannon Moore and Ultimo Dragon (a Japanese legend who trips twice during his entrance) start things off fast with some near falls until Shannon scores with a belly to back suplex. Dragon avoids a corkscrew moonsault press and grabs the Asai DDT (kind of a standing sliced bread #2) for the pin at 1:17.

Jamie Noble (a country redneck) is in at #3 and blasts Dragon from behind, only to take some rapid fire kicks to the chest. Noble comes right back with a guillotine choke for a submission at 2:15. Funaki comes in at #4 with a high cross body but Noble rolls through into a pin at 2:23. Nunzio (a stereotypical Italian) is in at #5 and lasts a bit better as the fans want their pizza. A quick rollup gets two on Noble and Nunzio gets the same off a middle rope dropkick.

This set up a showdown here with Austin as guest referee to try to hold things together. The problem is word leaked that both guys were leaving as soon as Wrestlemania was over and the fans all knew about it. This could go bad in a hurry, especially in the smarkiest of all smark strongholds.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Another big shoulder apiece puts both guys down as we hit six minutes. Brock gets in the first strike with a kick to the ribs at just under seven minutes. A gorilla press into a spinebuster drops Lesnar but Goldberg misses a spear in the corner. The fans are all over Goldberg now as Brock hits two straight suplexes.

Off to a side choke from Brock to eat up time before they have the nerve to do a double clothesline. Goldberg comes back with more clotheslines and a neckbreaker, followed by a spear for two. Austin and Goldberg argue a bit and Brock grabs an F5 for two. Back up and Goldberg hits a big spear but is booed out of the building. The Jackhammer ends Lesnar at 13:48.

Lesnar throws up two middle fingers (which he later said were to Vince and not the fans) and gets Stunned. Austin throws Goldberg a beer, then throws him two more after he drops the first one. Goldberg is booed out of the building and takes a Stunner, followed by Austin consuming a lot of beer.

Wrestlemania XXI is in Los Angeles.

Fireworks go off from the roof of Madison Square Garden.

Vince McMahon comes out to thank the fans for making Wrestlemania what it is on behalf of everyone who has ever performed for him and his entire family. Nothing else said here but this was a very nice moment.

The champs dance a bit.

Edge is returning from his neck surgery soon.

Molly Holly is ready for her title shot.

Victoria is defending and this is title vs. hair. Feeling out process to start with Molly taking over in the corner, only to be sent out to the floor. Back in and a quick basement dropkick gets two on the champ and we hit a neck crank. A powerslam gets two for Victoria but Lawler keeps trying to talk about the evening gown match. Molly mostly powerbombs Victoria out of the corner for two but a quick backslide retains the title at 4:56.

Rating: C-. This needed more time as they were flying through the match because they only had five minutes instead of a realistic length. If only there was some other stuff they could have cut out from the show that meant absolutely nothing and just ate up parts of the show. These two were both very talented women and they could have a good match if they were given the chance.

After the long video, Molly is still being shaved and is completely bald. The fans are impressed.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Eddie is defending of course and rides out in a low rider truck. They hit the mat to start with Eddie hanging with Angle at first until Kurt grabs a headlock. A top wristlock goes well for Angle and he shoulders Eddie down for good measure. Back up and Eddie nails a hard shoulder of his own but is still feeling the effects of the arm work.

Angle is FURIOUS.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Kane hated Undertaker for abandoning the dark side and becoming the biker so Kane helped Vince bury Undertaker alive at Survivor Series 2003. This brought back the Undertaker Kane wanted, but this Undertaker wanted revenge for being buried alive. People tend to do that at times.

Kane vs. Undertaker

Side note: so was that stuff with Bischoff sending Coach to find Undertaker just to set up the Heenan/Okerlund bit? Sounds like a bit of overkill.

Backlash ad.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit vs. HHH

The champ gets rolled with some Germans but Shawn crotches Benoit on top. Sweet Chin Music misses the champ and Shawn gets caught in a DDT. That earns HHH a Crossface until Shawn makes the save. Shawn actually tries a German on Benoit and the fans ROAR when Benoit reverses into a trio of them. The Swan Dive gets two on Shawn and all three are down. Benoit is knocked to the floor so we can get the Shawn vs. HHH quota out of the way. Sweet Chin Music is good for two with Benoit making a last second save.

The Vince dark room video and part of his speech take us to the highlight package.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F

2013 Redo: E

2015 Redo: F

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/27/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-20-where-it-all-begins-again-with-two-dead-guys/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/29/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xx-nearly-a-masterpiece/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

Royal Rumble

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Nathan Jones vignette.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Royal Rumble

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 7, 2003
Location: Skyreach Place, Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

Smackdown has some work to do to catch up with Raw, which announced an Elimination Chamber match for the upcoming Summerslam. Tonight Smackdown has a big match of its own though with Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon in a cage with Kurt Angle as guest referee. Why that’s a big deal isn’t clear, but note that we’ll be having two McMahons in main events this week, meaning the ratings should be through the roof. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kurt Angle giving Brock a rematch for the title but being cut off by Vince. For some reason Vince agreed to face Brock in a cage tonight. You really can feel the shenanigans coming here and in this case that works best. Just because you can see the ending doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

Opening sequence.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title despite Benoit asking for the title to be on the line. Eddie picks the leg to start and they hit the mat for a technical sequence as you might have expected from these two. The Canadian fans are VERY pro-Benoit (well duh) but an Eddie chant pops up as well because Eddie is just on another level at this point.

Benoit backdrops his way out of a wristlock and Eddie bails to the ropes before Benoit can grab a hold of his own. Instead some insanely loud chops have Eddie begging for time out but he’s still able to snapmare him down and take over again. A slingshot hilo and belly to back suplex give Eddie two and it’s off to an armbar.

Back up and Benoit grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker (stealing both Eddie’s move and gimmick), followed by a very hard powerbomb. Cue Rhyno to break up the Swan Dive but Benoit avoids the frog splash. A dive takes Rhyno down, only to have Tajiri come in and take Eddie down for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Even with the lame ending, Eddie vs. Benoit in any form is worth seeing. They didn’t have very long here but they managed to get something out of it because they’re that popular. Having the Canadian fans cheer for Eddie shows you what kind of a roll he’s on at the moment and that’s an incredibly positive sign for Guerrero. It’s also a good sign that they were doing the technical stuff here, making the US Title feel more like the wrestlers’ title. Almost no title has an identity and this one having such a thing and doing it well so far hopefully is a sign of things to come.

They keep brawling but Sgt. Slaughter of all people (like Stephanie would lower herself to this) says we’re going to restart this as a tag match. Now I need to see Slaughter doing the Teddy Long dance.

Chris Benoit/Tajiri vs. Rhyno/Eddie Guerrero

Joined in progress with Benoit getting the Crossface on Rhyno and Eddie having to make a save. Eddie comes in legally with a hurricanrana but Tajiri makes a save this time around. A baseball slide dropkick takes Eddie’s knee out and now Tajiri can come in legally. The handspring elbow drops Rhyno as they’re working a very nice pace to start things off.

Tajiri goes after Eddie but gets run over by Rhyno. That just earns him a Tarantula but Eddie is there with a dropkick for his own save. Rhyno actually puts on a Sharpshooter, drawing Benoit in to protect Canada’s honor. He’s fine with Eddie’s half crab though, suggesting that he’s not much of a Lance Storm fan. Rhyno comes in for some forearms as Benoit’s save attempt goes nowhere.

Instead it’s Eddie getting backdropped to the floor and Tajiri makes the tag, albeit thanks to Rhyno knocking him into Benoit. With Benoit on the floor, Rhyno powerbombs Tajiri but gets misted (with the referee looking at them). Eddie didn’t see the tag and frog splashes the illegal Tajiri, only to get caught in the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: B-. It was certainly a creative ending and odds are this sets up a big title match, perhaps with all four fighting at the same time. As mentioned earlier, this is the kind of wrestling that makes the show a lot more interesting and I’d really like to see it happen a lot more often. Benoit and Eddie are the wrestlers so it’s a smart idea to throw in a striker like Tajiri and a power guy like Rhyno to really even things out.

Josh Matthews (looking as stupid as I’ve ever seen him with two necklaces and an earring) asks Kurt Angle about some rumors, but Kurt cuts him off. Kurt has been hearing rumors about Josh, scotch tape, two midgets and a picture of Justin Timberlake that still keeps him up nights. He’s heard the rumors about Brock, who he still considers a friend. A big stupid friend at times, but still a friend. They’re going to resolve their issues face to face though.

Zach Gowen vs. Nunzio

Matt Hardy, who puts ketchup on one fry at a time and is a better commentator than Michael Cole, is on commentary and brought Shannon Moore with him. Gowen takes him down to the mat to start but is easily powered into the corner. Nunzio grabs the leg and mocks his inability to sweep the other leg as Matt complains about having to share the stage with a sideshow freak. As cruel as he sounds, there’s really nothing wrong about what he says.

A quick leglock is broken up and Nunzio sends him outside. Gowen gets turned inside out with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. Matt: “Everybody knows that Matt Hardy’s career has more legs underneath it than Zach Gowen’s.”. Back up and Nunzio crotches himself and a middle rope moonsault hits him in the ropes. A leg lariat and a middle rope Fameasser both get the same. Gowen grabs a neckbreaker but has to elbow Shannon down, allowing Nunzio to hit a top rope dropkick for the pin.

Rating: C-. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale and that’s the problem: you have to adjust everything for Gowen and the matches are only going to be so good. He has to have a select group of opponents and his offense is almost all based around that one leg. It’s nothing special in the first place and when your entire character is based around your one trait, it’s not like you have much of a shelf life. Gowen is incredible impressive, but this isn’t going to work for very long.

Post match, Gowen takes another Twist of Fate.

Undertaker finds Sable sitting on Vince’s laugh and asks her to leave. He’s not happy with Vince sending A-Train after Stephanie so the little “oil hoochie” could get a win at Vengeance. If Undertaker was part of the family, he’d have already beaten the heck out of Vince. The boss is about to tell Undertaker what he can do with that opinion when Funaki comes running in to say Brock has been attacked. Angle and the FBI are near him and Vince gives Kurt a look without saying anything. You can feel the twist coming from here and it’s still working just fine.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Undertaker beat him at Vengeance in a match that hurt a lot of Cena’s credibility. Cena’s rap implies he wants to force sexual acts onto Undertaker. The big man wastes no time in sending him into the corner and the slow beating begins. He starts in on Cena’s shoulder as the fans think Cena sucks. A hard clothesline looks to set up Old School but Cena pulls him down, somehow knowing what to expect.

Cena starts in on the knee, only to get his arm pulled down again. A lifting wristlock keeps Undertaker in trouble as they must have a long time here. Now Old School connects and the slow paced beating heads outside. Totally one sided so far. Back in and Undertaker actually takes him all the way to the top for a superplex but Undertaker bangs up his own ribs.

Back from a break with Cena in control and pounding on the ribs. They had something here with Cena having such a basic offense but sticking with it because it was the most logical thing he had. Undertaker shrugs it off and posts Cena on the floor because he’s had enough of being on defense for now. In a good example of everything wrong with commentary, Cole keeps mentioning the bad ribs and Tazz yells at him for saying it over and over. Heaven forbid he tell a story or something.

The Throwback gives Cena two but a big boot and elbow give Undertaker the same. Cena’s spinebuster goes back to the ribs but Undertaker mounts him for some rights and lefts. The Last Ride is broken up and the ref is bumped. Now didn’t we all know something like that was coming? The chokeslam gets no cover and it’s A-Train coming in for a bicycle kick and a backbreaker. That’s only good for two on Undertaker so he tries the Tombstone, only to get reversed into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. They really didn’t need this much time, especially with the arm work going nowhere. Undertaker vs. A-Train isn’t going to be much to see and this seemed to be more about setting that up than helping Cena. That being said, it helped a lot to have Cena get the win off his own move instead of A-Train’s. Cena needed a win like this and you knew full well they weren’t giving Cena a clean pin, either here or at the pay per view. The match wasn’t very good because of the slow pace and the ending didn’t really help things.

Jamie Noble vs. Doug Basham

Shaniqua gives Doug a spank for inspiration and the announcers laugh the whole thing off. Jamie, apparently a face for getting to sleep with Torrie and Nidia (ok they’ve got something there), kicks Doug away but gets caught with some crossface shots to the head. A Vader Bomb elbow gives Doug two as Tazz goes on and on about what Shaniqua does with the Bashams.

The move that would become known as Wasteland gives Doug two and we hit the chinlock. Jamie fights up with a clothesline and dropkick for a near fall each. A top rope elbow looks to finish but Danny distracts the referee. Not that it matters as Jamie gets a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. Commentary made this one insufferable and I don’t see it getting much better. I’m sure there was nothing better for WWE to do than spend years on the Bashams in OVW before bringing them up as unintentionally comedic sex characters. On top of that they’re apparently feuding with a team that got together over group sex. Oh and the boss is having an affair with his mistress. You really shouldn’t need so much of the same theme on one show.

Post match the beatdown is on until Billy Gunn makes the save.

Angle denies attacking Lesnar. I’d believe him.

Next week, Haas and Benjamin defend against Mysterio and Kidman. That would be another week where the Cruiserweight Title isn’t so much as mentioned.

Rey Mysterio vs. Charlie Haas

Non-title of course. Haas takes him down without much effort to start and takes Rey’s head off with a hard clothesline. A hard whip into the corner starts working on Rey’s back and it’s off to something like a torture rack with Tazz referencing the luchador Atlantis of all people. Back up and Charlie misses a charge, allowing Rey to hit a springboard flipping seated senton for two, followed by a springboard spinning crossbody (with Haas having to run over to catch him). The 619 connects but a hurricanrana is countered into the Haas of Pain for the tap.

Rating: C. Charlie got to show off here and a clean win over Mysterio is quite the accomplishment. It’s a very good sign that both he and Benjamin can have solid singles matches and more proof of how great an amateur background is. Even if nothing else is working, just taking them down to the mat is a good way to get through parts of a match. Mysterio as a tag guy is fine, but get the title off of him already. The problem though is finding someone to put it on as the division basically doesn’t exist. On a related note, what the heck happened to Ultimo Dragon? He was around all of two weeks and then vanished.

The cage is lowered.

We recap Brock’s injury.

Angle leaves Vince’s office.

Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon

In a cage with Angle as guest referee. Brock looks banged up but is easily able to shove Vince down twice in a row. The F5 is loaded up but Brock collapses. Angle won’t count the cover so Vince slaps him, earning himself an ankle lock. Brock of course nips up and F5’s Angle for the pretty obvious (not a bad thing) heel turn. No rating as the match doesn’t really end and wasn’t exactly a match in the first place.

A long, long beatdown ends the show. This is definitely the right move as Brock wasn’t working as the good guy and Lesnar vs. Angle II with Lesnar as the heel could be a lot more interesting. One last note: Brock and Vince pose with the camera panning from Vince’s face to Brock’s, who looks completely maniacal with his eyes bugging out for a really creepy visual.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some very solid wrestling on here (see the first half hour) and Brock turning heel is a good move as Brock just wasn’t working in the role. Him working as Vince’s heavy is a far better use for his talents and gives him some new people to work against. At the same time though, anything below the midcard is basically death at the moment with stuff like Noble and Gunn being goofy wastes of time and Gowen still riding on momentum even though the foot was taken off the gas a long time ago. Get some better stuff on the bottom part of the card and Smackdown could be awesome all over again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Vengeance 2003
Date: July 27, 2003
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the first ever Smackdown exclusive pay per view and for once I’m actually looking forward to it. They’ve done a much better job than usual of setting things up and there are multiple matches that could do quite well. The main event is Big Show vs. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar for Brock’s Smackdown World Title, but there’s also some major focus on Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen for reasons of testing my patience. Let’s get to it.

We open with people talking about working their whole lives to get here. Big names too, like Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, and Stephanie McMahon. Vince then narrates a video, ranting about how this is his company and no one is going to get the better of him. I’d rather hear more about how hard Stephanie had it as a kid and how much she had to fight through to get here.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Tournament final to crown the inaugural champion. The referee actually brings them to the middle and explains the rules, which is about as rare of a sight today as Stephanie not running her mouth. Benoit’s eyes seem to be fine after the whole attempt at blinding him a few days ago. Eddie hides in the corner to start until Benoit hits a heck of a shoulder, sending Eddie bailing to the floor.

Back in and Benoit starts in on the arm before winning a test of strength. Eddie slips out and spins around Benoit into a legsweep so smooth that I could barely tell what he did. A pinfall reversal sequence gets some near falls on Benoit, sending him outside for a bit of swearing. Back in and Eddie headlocks him down but gets caught in a shoulder breaker. Benoit still can’t get the Crossface as Eddie gets to the ropes just in time.

Eddie bails to the floor but Benoit is right there with a dive to put both guys down. Back in and Eddie gets caught in a half nelson of all things (leave it to Benoit to make something like that look painful) before going with a hard chop instead. Eddie is right back up with a hurricanrana out of the corner to take over again. The announcers talk about some technical difficulty but it’s been cleaned up on the Network version.

We hit an armbar on Benoit before Eddie pokes him in the eye, which Cole calls a slap. Benoit’s eyes are fine enough to take Eddie up top for a belly to back superplex. The rolling German suplexes set up the Crossface but Eddie gets a boot onto the ropes. Eddie is right back up with Three Amigos, followed by a top rope superplex to put both guys down again. The frog splash only kind of misses as Eddie’s arm hits Benoit as he rolls away, meaning both guys are down again.

Eddie throws the belt onto Benoit and lays down. Now, this might be a fine idea in theory but considering an errant forearm put the referee down for about two minutes, we could be waiting until the Rumble for him to get up again. Benoit pops up and grabs the Crossface to make Eddie tap but of course there’s no one to see it. A German suplex drops Eddie and Benoit tries the Swan Dive, only to have Eddie pull the referee in the way. Cue Rhyno to Gore Benoit in the big screwjob, allowing Eddie to hit the frog splash for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. They were on the way to a masterpiece here when they messed it up with all of the overbooking. You could have completely eliminated at least one of the belt/ref bump things and gotten to Rhyno sooner and the match would have felt tighter. On the more positive side though, this match ran over twenty two minutes and felt like it was about half of that. It never dragged once and that’s one of the hardest things to accomplish in wrestling. Great match and a forgotten classic of an opener.

Stephanie (in a t-shirt for a very rare visual) comes in to see Vince, who is smelling flowers. Bickering ensues and Stephanie DOES NOT want to talk about Linda. Vince is going to Raw to confront Kane. It turns out the flowers are for Stephanie, who calls them nice in a rather aggressive way. Actually the roses are for Sable, but the small bouquet of dried out daises are for Stephanie.

We recap Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble, which REALLY doesn’t warrant a recap video. If nothing else, they should be showing more shots of Torrie rather than Jamie. Basically Noble wants to sleep with Torrie and has offered her thousands of dollars. Torrie finally agreed to sleep with him if he can beat Billy tonight.

Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie brings a briefcase of everything he’ll need for a great night with Torrie. Billy kicks it into his face before opening it up to reveal….I’m going to leave that to your imaginations actually. Billy takes him inside for a wheelbarrow faceplant but misses a splash in the corner. Jamie tries a dive to the floor but gets caught, only to have Billy’s knee give out. Cue Nidia as Jamie cranks on the bad knee.

Billy jumps over a kick to the leg and hits a heck of a cobra clutch slam (take that Jinder) to put both guys down. The Fameasser misses so Billy settles for a cutter for two. Jamie gets in a super DDT but Nidia puts Billy’s foot on the ropes. Torrie comes over for some reason and gets kissed, causing Noble to get slapped back and forth. Back up and Billy gets rammed into Torrie, setting up a rollup with Jamie’s hands on the tights (I saw no pulling) for the pin.

Rating: D. They kept it short and while that made it feel like a TV match, this was much more about getting in and out and moving on. Gunn continues to feel way out of place on these shows while Jamie is doing what he can with a pretty stupid character. You can tell this story is going to continue and while it’s not thrilling, it’s better than letting Billy do anything more important.

The APA isn’t happy with Brooklyn Brawler beating them down on Thursday but invite Funaki anyway. Funaki: “What should I wear?” Bradshaw: “Come as a Japanese reporter who wrestlers part time.” The Easter Bunny walks up (I believe bunnies are supposed to HOP!) and Bradshaw thinks this is going to be fun.

APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl

Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brooklyn Brawler, Chuck Palumbo, Brother Love, Chris Kanyon, Conquistador Dos, Conquistador Uno, Danny Basham, Doink the Clown, Doug Basham, Easter Bunny, Funaki, John Hennigan, Johnny Stamboli, Shannon Moore, Nunzio, Matt Cappatelli, Matt Hardy, Orlando Jordan, Sean O’Haire, Spanky

The Conquistadors are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter (of the Spirit Squad), Doink is Nick Dinsmore and the Easter Bunny is Aaron Stevens (Damien Sandow). There’s a big bar set up, complete with bottles, some tables, a big saloon sign and a lamp. Everyone is handed a beer as they come in, including Hardy, who hates barfights. The last man drinking wins here because Bradshaw wants to test their livers.

Before we get going though, Love wants a benediction. After he’s done insulting the APA and asking forgiveness, he breaks a stool over the Conquistadors’ backs. Welcome to the main roster guys. Most people are standing around drinking but some are beating the heck out of the Bunny. The Brawler throws Doink through a window as Funaki sits at the bar. O’Haire grabs some pool cues and breaks them over the APA’s heads.

Moore dives off the stage to take O’Haire out but Love breaks a mirror over his head. The Bunny goes through another window and Matt drives a Basham and Kanyon through a table (on the second try). Bradshaw bottles Love in the head and that’s finally it, despite Faarooq standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling in any way and was little more than a joke that got old in a hurry. They did at least keep it short, but was there a point to this other than filling time? You have these people who have been getting pushed in recent months (Hardy and O’Haire at least) and they’re stuck in this mess designed to keep the APA over? Come on already.

Noble is enjoying a very worn copy of Torrie’s Playboy (with the camera catching a rather clear shot of one of the pictures, which isn’t censored whatsoever on the Network) and brags to a backstage worker. The guy asks about Nidia and is told to mind his own business.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are defending. Shelton takes Rey down to start before they seem to botch a headscissors. The second attempt works a bit better and it’s off to Kidman, who takes a hard knee to the ribs. Something like a Bubba Bomb gets two on Rey and a powerslam gets the same.

We’re already in the chinlock, which hopefully isn’t a sign of this match being short. Shelton’s powerbomb is reversed and the hot tag brings in Kidman. A BK Bomb gives Kidman two and Rey is fast enough to break up the dive onto Kidman’s back. The 619 is broken up as well so Rey settles for a springboard seated senton to the floor to drop Benjamin.

Kidman one ups him with a shooting star to the floor as things have picked WAY up in a hurry. Thankfully the fans seem to appreciate it as well, which is a great sign after the previous match/segment seemed to kill them off a good bit. Shelton posts Kidman though and the champs take over again. Kidman slips out of a surfboard and sends Charlie outside but you know they’re not doing the second hot tag that easily. The tag connects but Shelton had the referee, drawing some very nice heat from the crowd.

A second attempt works a bit better and it’s Rey coming in with an enziguri to Shelton. The 619 into the springboard seated senton looks to finish but the referee is with Kidman, allowing Shelton to make the save. Kidman launches Rey up for a super hurricanrana and a VERY near fall on Haas. Rey’s shocked face and the big reaction from the crowd push things even further as the fans don’t buy that it was only two. Rey loads up a victory roll on Haas but Benjamin makes a blind tag and springboards into a clothesline as Haas powerbombs him down to retain.

Rating: B+. I know the Cruiserweight Title is taking a hit by having the champ do this other stuff but sweet goodness this was a fun match. They seemed to just tell the wrestlers to go nuts for fifteen minutes and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially when you have four people who are capable of something like this. Really fun match here with the champs being more than capable of having with the fast paced challengers.

We recap Stephanie ripping Sable’s top off, including all the screeching.

Sable vs. Stephanie McMahon

No countout here for some reason. Stephanie’s top is rather low cut because that’s at least half the point of this match. Cole has the nerve to say this should be good because they’re both former Women’s Champions. I’m so glad we’re done with that era and have moved on to something a little more respectable.

The catfight is on with the chase going through the crowd, mainly focusing on shots of Sable’s shorts. Back in with Sable talking trash and slowly stomping in the corner. We hit the Grind over Stephanie, who grabs a rollup for a fast two. Sable gets in a good slap but Cole says we haven’t seen Stephanie’s yet. Stephanie gets in an elbow in the corner, followed by punches that make Shane McMahon’s look great.

They head outside again with the referee having to take a chair away from Stephanie. Back in and Stephanie hits the slap before mounting Sable for the horrible slaps. Sable’s face is rubbed into the mat and a Hennig necksnap takes her down again. Back up and Sable’s top is ripped apart so the referee gives her his shirt. Cue the A-Train to run Stephanie down, giving Sable the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s on a very sliding scale and they certainly tried. They were running around as fast as they could and didn’t bother trying to have anything resembling a match. That’s the right call here and given that it was relatively short, this was much more inoffensive than I was expecting. It’s certainly not good or anything but given what kind of a disaster this had the potential to be, I’ll take what I can get. I’m not sure what the point of no countout was though as it’s not like they’re going to get counted while running in the crowd (which wasn’t long in the first place).

Stephanie has to get helped out and for some reason gets an ovation.

We recap John Cena vs. Undertaker. Cena is on a roll (despite not really winning any major matches) and wanted a big match for his one year anniversary. He went on to beat up Orlando Jordan, who got the big sign of respect from Undertaker after the match. Cena started calling himself the real legend of WWE and you just don’t do that. Undertaker wasn’t happy and here we are.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

My goodness what that could have meant under different circumstances. Cena’s pre-match rap basically says Undertaker is old and Cena is awesome. The motorcycle seems to stall as Undertaker keeps fiddling with the key and the camera switches to Cena standing in the ring for a good while. Undertaker eventually walks down to the ring with the bike still on the stage, which is certainly better than the Hulk Hogan fiasco last year.

Undertaker drives him into the corner to start and Cena actually slaps him in the face. That earns him one heck of a toss and the beating is on early. They head outside with Cena getting tossed into the barricade but grabbing a drink of water to spit in Undertaker’s face. Amazingly enough that has no effect and Cena gets posted again. All Undertaker in the early going and the apron legdrop makes things even worse.

Back in and Undertaker drives some knees into the ribs as Cole says Undertaker has been doing this for eleven years. I mean, it’s closer to thirteen but Cole it’s better than the Women’s Title line from earlier. Old School and a chokeslam get two as Undertaker pulls Cena up. Cena escapes the Last Ride though and grabs a DDT for a much needed breather. With Undertaker down, Cena pulls off a turnbuckle pad, making me wonder why the referee isn’t watching Cena at the moment.

Back up and Undertaker elbows him in the face but charges into the exposed buckle. Cena knocks him off the apron and into the barricade for a thud and Undertaker is spitting up blood. They head back inside with Undertaker missing a jumping boot of all things but settling for two off a neckbreaker. Cena knees him in the back to cut Undertaker off again but Undertaker slips out of the FU.

A big boot and legdrop give Undertaker two and he switches to a choke on the mat in the corner. That seems like some major spot calling or just an awkward spot for some reason. Cena uses the distraction to hit him in the ribs with the chain, setting up the FU for two. There is really no logical reason for that not being the pin. Like really, none at all and it hurts the FU when it’s just becoming a big time finisher. Cena does the always stupid right hands in the corner and it’s the Last Ride for the pin.

Rating: B. They were getting somewhere but my goodness Undertaker shouldn’t have gone over. This should have been Cena’s chance to be launched into the main event but instead it’s just Undertaker pinning him after a ton of offense. If Cena can’t beat him while cheating and hitting his finisher, why would I want to see him fight again? Completely wrong ending to an otherwise good match.

We recap Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen, which seems to be a David vs. Goliath story but I’m still not sure what Vince gets out of this. It’s something about Vince wanting to screw Stephanie over but the story of Stephanie wanting to protect Gowen from Vince for the sake of Stephanie’s childhood innocent didn’t make sense. Anyway, Stephanie and Gowen one upped Vince and earned Zach a contract so Vince is giving him his first singles match because he wants real athletes and not half men in his company.

Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen

Vince casually backs him into the corner to start before wrestling him down and rolling around Gowen’s back. Some shots in the corner have Gowen in more trouble until he backdrops Vince over the top. An Asai moonsault and a middle rope Fameasser gives Gowen two, despite neither having much impact whatsoever.

Vince starts in on the good leg and Cole is RIGHT THERE to explain how much of a problem this could be for Zach. Never let it be said that WWE left you alone to figure something out on your own. The leg is wrapped around the post as Cole tries to explain the story behind the whole thing. We hit the half crab (not a leg hold but nice try) until Gowen makes the rope and scores with a dropkick.

Now it’s Vince’s getting crotched against the post and having his leg wrapped around the post. Cole: “Now the playing field is even!”. Not quite nimrod, but we’ll move on. Gowen hits a top rope bulldog and a middle rope dropkick. The moonsault gets two and now we’re just waiting on Gowen losing. Vince grabs a chair but gets it dropkicked into his face to draw a heck of a cut. Gowen misses the second moonsault though and Vince gets the easy pin.

Rating: D. They were trying as hard as they could here but there’s really not much you can do with this concept. Gowen has one leg and does a lot of impressive things for someone in his condition. I’ve seen it for a few weeks now and this time I saw him do it in long form against Vince. Then he doesn’t even win the thing? This is pretty much it for Gowen meaning anything and I have no idea what we’re supposed to care about him doing going forward as you can only watch this so many times. Yeah it’s an inspirational story, but it’s an inspirational story once, not four or five times now.

Gowen gets the big standing ovation and it’s lackluster at best. Tazz: “How many people get to say they’ve busted Vince McMahon wide open?” Uh, a fairly good amount actually?

Eddie says a victory is a victory and what happened to Benoit is his own fault.

We recap the World Title match. Brock Lesnar beat Kurt Angle to win the title at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for several months. Lesnar then feuded with Big Show for months but Angle is back and now Brock’s best friend. A three way feud ensued and it’s time for a triple threat. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Brock is defending, there are no disqualifications and it’s one fall to a finish. Show has to clothesline the new best friends down and it’s a chokeslam for an early two on Lesnar. Angle can’t German suplex the giant but he can pick the ankle for the ankle lock. That’s kicked away though and a superkick drops Angle again. Lesnar dives in for a save before hitting a middle rope back elbow to Show’s jaw.

It’s Kurt bringing in the first weapons with some garbage can lids and a series of shots finally put Show down. He’s right back up with a double suplex though, only to have Angle and Lesnar chokeslam him down. Tazz: “So Big Show suplexes the guys who suplex and they chokeslam the guy who chokeslams???”. Score one for the Red Hook school system.

Angle gets knocked outside and the F5 on Show gets a delayed two with Angle pulling the referee to the floor. A shot to Angle’s head busts him open, leaving Show to load Brock up for a superplex. That’s countered into a good looking running powerbomb but Angle makes another save with a chair. Angle chairs both of them out to the floor but gets it kicked back into his face.

While a bleeding Lesnar is stuck on the other side of the ring, an Angle Slam puts Show through the announcers’ table. That leaves Angle and Lesnar in the ring for the big showdown with Lesnar throwing him over the top in a hurry. Brock gets whipped into the steps though and Angle is cut on the back of his head. Back in and Angle tosses Brock with a release German suplex, sending Brock onto his stomach for a great looking flip.

The Angle Slam is countered into a spinebuster for two but Angle slaps on a choke. Show comes back in for the save and covers both guys at once for two. A double chokeslam gets another pair of near falls but Lesnar kicks the monster low. Kurt grabs the ankle again, only to let go of Brock and Angle Slam Show. Another Angle Slam to Lesnar is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This was a very well booked match as it felt like it took the two superheroes to deal with Big Show, leaving them to fight it out later. That’s exactly how you want something like this to go and they made it work quite well. Angle winning sets up another big match with Brock down the line and you can throw Show in there if you absolutely have to. Really strong match here and again, I get why Show was in there for a change as you don’t want to waste Angle vs. Lesnar II on Vengeance.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a heck of a show and if they had cut out some of the weaker stuff (like about eight minutes of Vince vs. Zach and the whole Billy vs. Jamie match), it could be an all time classic. The big stuff is very good, but the bad stuff (including some of the choices, mainly Undertaker winning) really holds it back. That being said, this show made Smackdown feel like what it used to be: the wrestling show, which is exactly the kind of thing it needs to be to feel different from Raw. Excellent show here and something that gives me a lot of confidence in Smackdown going forward.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: June 19, 2003
Location: SBC Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

So after last week’s main event saw Big Show and Brock Lesnar break the ring, it’s probably time to set up a rematch because these two have to be stuck fighting each other forever. Other than that Kurt Angle is back and full on face again, having fired Team Angle. There are some good stories going on around here at the moment so let’s get to it.

We open with a look at the superplex. I was worried it would be the arm wrestling.

Opening sequence.

Show gets his rematch for the title tonight.

Undertaker vs. Nunzio

Rating: D-. So you know all those times where Undertaker beat up the FBI? This is the third one in a row. I’m not sure what the point of wasting Undertaker for the better part of two months like this is but I’m sure there’s a reason for it somewhere. Nothing match of course and just a squash.

Post match the beatdown is on but the APA of all people return (with Bradshaw sporting horrible looking blond hair) for the save. You know, because Undertaker needs help with the FBI.

Zack Gowan goes to Stephanie McMahon’s office but finds Sable instead. He’ll wait inside though.

Clip of Paul Heyman turning on Lesnar at Survivor Series because Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar is a big enough feud to get a history package throughout the night.

Rhyno and Chris Benoit come out for a tag match….and here’s Stephanie to say let’s make it a singles match. Eh we might as well make it a first round match in a tournament for the US Title, with the finals taking place in July at Vengeance.

US Title Tournament First Round: Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Benoit’s armbar doesn’t go anywhere so let’s hit a GO SPURS GO chant with Tazz sounding a bit annoyed. A headlock doesn’t seem to bore the crowd as much but Rhyno would rather drive Benoit into the corner. Some kicks send Rhyno bailing to the floor and we take a break. Back with Rhyno grabbing a half crab and taking over the heel role.

An Alley Oop into the corner drops Benoit again and gets a gasp from the Spurs happy fans. Another hard clothesline drops Benoit and a powerslam is good for two. We hit the chinlock as the crowd is gone again, albeit without the chanting. This goes on WAY too long, much like the match as a whole actually. Rhyno tells his partner to fight back, which Benoit does for a few clotheslines.

A snap suplex gets two but the German suplex has a bit more impact. The Swan Dive connects (with a nasty looking landing) for another near fall, only to have Rhyno come back with a DDT. That means both guys get to stay down even more, which continues to feel like stalling. An ax handle to the back gives Rhyno two but he charges into the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: D+. The match could have been worse but the time killed everything here. There’s no need for them to be out there for sixteen minutes with a long chinlock taking up so much of that time. Benoit vs. Rhyno wasn’t going to tear the house down but throwing it in the first round of a surprise tournament probably wasn’t the best usage of whatever they could have gotten from the thing.

Benoit takes his sweet time letting go and Rhyno isn’t interested in his help getting up. As he shouldn’t be.

Sable lets Gowan touch her chest. It’s as awkward as you can imagine it being.

Ultimo Dragon is here next week.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kanyon

Non-title of course. This is Kanyon’s first match on one of the main shows since October 2001 and he doesn’t even get an entrance. Kanyon gets sent outside early on but manages to catch Rey and drop him onto the barricade. Back in and Kanyon counters another springboard into a backbreaker and we hit a chinlock. Kanyon tries a superplex but Rey knocks him back, setting up a top rope seated senton for two of his own. A springboard moonsaults gives Rey two more and the West Coast Pop gives Rey the pin.

Rating: C. Maybe it was the lack of a character or this match (which was hardly terrible) but, outside of a battle royal at the upcoming pay per view, that’s Kanyon’s last match on the main roster. You would think they could find something for him to do but apparently not quite. Mysterio winning here was of course the right call and gives him something to do while we wait for him to find a new feud for the title.

Lesnar cost Big Show the title at Armageddon.

Here’s the former Team Angle, now in matching maroon singlets. Benjamin says they’re not about to come crawling back to Angle for a spot on the team. The name Angle was holding them back because Kurt represents everything they’re not. Haas challenges Angle for next week but here’s Kurt now instead. That’s quite the prompt response. Angle says maybe they’re right and maybe they are the best tag team period. There are only two words that Angle takes exception to though: next week. Angle is ready to go right now.

Kurt Angle vs. Charlie Haas

Impromptu match. Angle takes him down without too much effort and the fans are behind the returning hero. A keylock keeps Haas in trouble and Angle throws him down without much effort. Haas’ headlock only has a limited effect until Angle reverses into a catapult to send Charlie outside in a heap.

Back in and Haas slaps him in the face, which draws a rather unpleasant smile to Angle’s face. Haas sends him outside again though, meaning Angle smiled prematurely. With the nitwit referee distracted, Benjamin sends Angle into the steps, earning himself an ejection. Ok so maybe we’ll go with moron instead of nitwit.

Back from a break with Haas working on the shoulder which went into the steps. Angle fights up and slugs away before channeling his inner Shawn Michaels for a flying forearm. A German suplex cuts Angle off though and Haas takes down the straps. You don’t steal gimmicks though, meaning Kurt reverses an Angle Slam and hits one of his own for the pin.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with the guys getting time, mainly for the sake of Angle getting back into the swing of things. Haas is a good choice for an opponent in the comeback match as Angle knows the style well and won’t make too many mistakes. This was all it needed to be and entertained as a bonus.

Post match Haas and Benjamin beat Angle down until Lesnar makes the save.

Back on Halloween, Big Show chokeslammed Lesnar through the announcers’ table. Is there a reason we’re going back in time on these clips?

Sable kisses Gowan and shoves everything off of Stephanie’s desk. Gowan says her name and shows how horrible of an actor he is as the camera leans over Sable’s shoulder. Sable cuts him off though and asks if Gowan is crazy. He could never have a woman like her because he’s not a real man. Vince comes in and sends Gowan away. They break down in laughter with Vince saying Sable was great.

Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble

The guys take turns spanking their respective ladies because the writers of this show seem rather sexually frustrated. A Torrie chant breaks out as the guys fight over a wristlock. The announcers talk about Torrie looking better than Tony Chimmel and now the fans want puppies. Noble grabs a leglock as the announcers are happy with various camera shots of Torrie. Billy fights up but the leg gives out on a gorilla press. It’s fine enough for a Fameasser attempt but Nidia grabs Billy’s leg. The catfight is on until Billy breaks it up, followed by the Fameasser for the pin.

Rating: D. I know Billy has a good look and all that jazz but sweet goodness how many more times do I have to hear about how great he is while listening to that stupid song? It was fun while he was a comedy goof but they’re treating him like something serious, which makes the whole gimmick even more ridiculous. You can’t have it both ways and the fact that Gunn just isn’t all that great doesn’t help things.

Lesnar beat Big Show in a stretcher match.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Sean O’Haire

Roddy Piper has a bottle of tequila with him. Sean hammers away to start and gives Eddie a release flapjack with Eddie still wearing the title. It’s off to a waistlock for a good long while but Sean’s spinning kick to the head misses. Eddie starts in on the knee with a dropkick followed by a second to the chest. That’s enough to set up the frog splash but Piper offers a distraction so Sean can roll away. The reverse fireman’s carry slam (now called the Prophecy) is enough to end Guerrero.

Rating: D. There’s not much you can do in a match that’s just over three minutes and a minute of that is spent in a waistlock. I’ll give them points for having Sean win as he needs something positive but there’s not much he’s going to be able to do while Piper is out there. Piper is the guy who will wind up with the attention and that’s been the case the entire time. O’Haire’s win was close enough to clean here but you need more than one win in a three minute match.

Vince and Sable are gloating about pulling off the Gowan deal, which makes me wonder what they’ve been doing in the time since we last saw them. They kiss (kind of, though it’s more Vince rubbing his lip over hers) before Vince mocks Gowan’s actions earlier. Sable starts taking her top off when Stephanie comes in to throw her out. Stephanie goes into a rant about Stephanie taking her to dinners with his business associates where he would, I kid you not, offer them sex with Stephanie….who apparently went along with it.

She’s not going to let Vince do that with Gowan though (HUH?) because Gowan is her last chance to save herself (HUH HUH?). If Vince is going to fire her then do it, even though it means he’ll lose the one person who has ever cared about her and wanted to be like him (She wanted to be a man who pimped out his underage daughter in business deals???). Stephanie finally stops the crying/screeching voice and storms off, ending one of the most bizarre segments in the history of the McMahons.

So to recap: Vince was trading sex with his underage daughter (make your own Randy Savage joke) in exchange for business deals (in theory, as the way Stephanie put it he might have just been doing it for fun. Therefore, she’s championing Zack Gowan (though not really as Gowan just showed up and is more Hogan’s project than hers) so Vince can’t do the same thing to him (though Vince is really just mocking him instead of….whatever you call what she claimed Vince did) so she can be free of him…..whatever that means. I mean, if she wanted to be free of him, why is she not WORKING SOMEWHERE ELSE?

I’ll give the McMahon storylines this: they’re rather ambitious at times. Unfortunately they make pretty much no sense but they’re certainly not run of the mill stuff. Between this and the Stephanie signing Mr. America story, it’s been a rather eventful summer and there’s no sign of it slowing down at all.

Next week: Undertaker/APA vs. FBI. Why would I want to watch a public execution?

Last week, Lesnar and Big Show broke the ring.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and drives him into the corner to start. Show gets knocked outside so they can send each other into the barricade. Some chops and right hands have Lesnar rocked a bit, followed by a clothesline for two. The slow pace continues and we hit the abdominal stretch. That goes nowhere so it’s a big boot and legdrop for two on the champ.

Show can’t get a superplex so Brock shoves him down for a top rope clothesline. A release German suplex sends Show flying (well, hovering at least) in the first interesting move of the match. The F5 doesn’t work as Show grabs the rope, drawing in Haas and Benjamin to jump Lesnar for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was every slow, dull Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar match you’ve ever seen. There’s only so much these two can do to each other with Lesnar throwing him around and Big Show hitting him hard. They’ve run out of stuff to do and the problem with that is it makes the feud seem a bit less epic than WWE would like you to believe.

Angle runs in for the save and an Angle Slam on Show. He takes too long with Haas and Benjamin though, allowing Show to get in a chokeslam. This brings out Mr. America for the house cleaning until another chokeslam plants him as well. Six man next week it would seem.

Overall Rating: D. They did a lot of stuff here as we’re getting ready for Vengeance, hopefully with less of a focus on Vince vs. Stephanie. That line about Vince sending her out to business associates made my head spin, which is becoming more and more common with their stories. The main idea here was they were trying to do stuff, which is better than not trying. Unfortunately it’s not really working, mainly because a lot of the people they’re pushing aren’t interesting or the time they need is being taken up by the Vince vs. Stephanie stuff. This show wasn’t the worst and at least they’re trying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.

Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.

We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.

Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2012 Redo: B+

2017 Redo: B

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: C+

I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/10/survivor-series-count-up-2002/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: May 8, 2003
Location: Metro Centre, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

With the pay per view right around the corner, it might be nice if they set up a few more matches. There’s only a few things set up already and unfortunately we’re likely in for more of the Mr. America story dominating the show. Last week’s segment was fine, but I have a feeling it’s going to overstay its welcome in a hurry. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the Mr. America story, which somehow seems to focus on Stephanie. Vince has vowed to take the mask off of America and prove it’s really Hogan.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Vince to get things going. He’s had a change of heart so tonight Hogan is going to be here tonight….via satellite from Tampa, Florida. That means Mr. America won’t be here because they’re clearly the same person. Even Canadians could figure something like this out. The YOU SCREWED Bret chants start up with Cole saying that means Bret Hart. Thanks Mikey. Vince: “You’re right I did and I’ll screw every one of you if you just give me the chance!”

This brings out Stephanie with Vince demanding to know why she signed Mr. America. She did it for the fans because she had heard about how big a star he was and all his experience. Vince wants to know why she did this, which Stephanie says was to counter Bischoff’s attempts to sign Mr. America, which is why he got the iron clad deal. The only way to break the contract is to prove that Mr. America is Hogan. That’s cool with Vince and he has Stephanie leave so he can interview Hogan from Tampa.

We go live via satellite to Hogan’s office, featuring a prominently displayed copy of his new book on the shelf, what appears to be a Divas swimsuit magazine on the table and…..a really big Home Depot catalog/book? Hogan says he wants to be back in front of the crowd because it’s killing him to not be out there.

He’d love to team up with Mr. America one day, even if there are some physical similarities between the two. Of course Hogan’s Pythons are bigger and he’s much better looking. Vince laughs it off and says we should see Mr. America right here in Nova Scotia. Hogan looks upset but quotes George Washington by saying he cannot tell a lie. There’s a chance that Mr. America will show up tonight, which is an idea that Vince loves.

I have SO many questions. Who in the world was telling Stephanie all this stuff about Mr. America without mentioning THAT IT WAS HULK HOGAN??? Who would have seen Mr. America wrestle in person and called Stephanie to tell her about him? Are we supposed to buy that Hogan was just off working independent promotions throughout his career under a mask?

Stephanie said she was told he had a lot of experience, which would suggest he’s been doing this for awhile. So some people who she apparently trusts called her and told her to sign this guy who Eric Bischoff was interested in as well but apparently either didn’t realize that it was Hogan or didn’t know/care about Vince banning Hogan from wrestling? Was Bischoff just going to sign Mr. America and hope Vince didn’t notice? Or did he have the same stupid sources too?

In theory this would have been a long term plan from Hogan but he was sent home on April 3 and the first vignette played on April 17. That would suggest that Mr. America was signed during that two week period as Stephanie couldn’t advertise him until he was signed. So he and Bischoff heard about Mr. American, got obsessed with signing him sight unseen, got into a bidding war to sign him, and then signed him in less than two weeks?

Back to the sources who hyped up Mr. America, did they sound like a San Francisco barber, a mouth from the south and a nasty sensation by any chance? Or did Hogan start doing this months ago on the off chance he lost at Wrestlemania? Oh and did Hogan sign the other contract “Mr. America”? And is he now getting two checks? There are so many questions I kind of need answered about this whole shindig. Unless this whole thing is Stephanie and Hogan being in cahoots with each other, this story really doesn’t make much sense.

Post break, Vince is told that Mr. America is here. So wait: did Mr. America pay off the production staff to lie and say they weren’t in Florida? Was the tape a fake? Did Hogan convince them all to fly back to Canada, set up a room to look like his office and then show up later? Why am I thinking about this more than I did in any class in college?

Matt Hardy vs. Eddie Guerrero

Back to back Side Effects set up a Ricochet for two on Eddie. The middle rope legdrop is broken up though and Eddie rolls some suplexes. Matt avoids the frog splash but can’t get the Twist of Fate. Instead it’s a middle rope legdrop to the back of the head for two. Matt tries another Side Effect, only to get rolled up (sweet) for the fast pin.

Rating: C. Matt was trying here, though I’m not sure what the point is in having a champion lose over and over. There are other heels you could have in this spot to protect the title but it’s not like there’s anyone around to challenge him for it at the moment. They could develop some more talent for the division but it’s not likely anytime soon.

Team Angle runs out and steals the gold medals back from Los Guerreros.

Big Show is with the FBI for some reason when some production guys carry a piece of equipment. As they walk by, a good sized guy in a blue mask can be seen.

Brian Kendrick vs. Jamie Noble

Brian is now officially Brian “Spanky” Kendrick. Before the match, Kendrick gets a CENA SUCKS chant going in honor of last week. Kendrick flips out of a wristlock to start and nips up into a kick to the chest. Sliced Bread #2 is broken up though and Kendrick is tossed outside where Nidia gets in a few kicks to the ribs.

Back in and a cravate doesn’t keep Kendrick in trouble for very long but a half crab has some more success. Kendrick fights up for a bit, only to get tossed into the corner for his efforts. An enziguri gives Kendrick two but he has to bail out of a moonsault. That’s fine as he lands on his feet and grabs Sliced Bread #2 for the pin.

Rating: C+. This didn’t have much time but they packed in some good stuff. As usual, these guys could be tearing the house down for the Cruiserweight Title but for some reason Matt is stuck as a midcard jobber. Let some of these guys have ten minutes somewhere and see what they can do, perhaps in a pay per view title match. Really, what could it hurt?

Cena is watching in the back when Mr. America comes up. John doesn’t believe his eyes.

We see the whole Big Show attacking Rey Mysterio scene from Backlash. Mysterio will be back next week.

Brock Lesnar is ready to team with Chris Benoit against A-Train and Big Show. As for the title match with Big Show, let’s make it a stretcher match. Do you know what that means? At Judgment Day, Big Show is leaving on a stretcher.

Vince is getting coffee when Funaki comes up to say Mr. America is here. The boss insists that he’s an impostor and makes Funaki make the coffee.

Here’s Mr. America as the first fifteen minutes of the show just wasn’t enough time. Vince and Stephanie are watching from a small office with what looks like the same furniture from Austin and Bischoff’s office last night. Even the plant is the same. Anyway, Vince insists that this is an impostor.

America finally starts talking and we cut to Vince’s panicked face. Back in the arena, America insists that he’s not Hulk Hogan. No, he’s actually a former 165lb accountant from Hoboken, New Jersey who bought Wrestlemania to see Hogan. There was something about Hogan that made him want to get in the gym and now he’s the physical specimen he is now. So he was 6’6 and 165lbs? That’s quite the odd visual.

Anyway here comes Vince to say that mask is coming off and Stephanie is going to come out here and make it happen. A quick distraction lets Vince get in a low blow but he can’t get the mask off. America shoves him away and right into Stephanie, who is knocked cold. The boss gets knocked to the floor and America carries Stephanie to the back. I’m guessing you can now add Stephanie to the list of people this story shouldn’t be about but will be anyway.

During the break, Stephanie was getting medical attention when Vince stormed in. She blames him for the injuries, of course. Vince freaks out and yells about Hogan.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Sable is out to watch. They do a catfight for a bit until Torrie gets a sunset flip for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Sable challenges Torrie to a bikini contest at the pay per view. Torrie unzips her gear to reveal a bra, which seems to be a yes. Considering Torrie is currently in Playboy and her entrance video is mainly her in bikinis, I’m not sure why someone is going to pay to see her in another swimsuit. The same is pretty much true of Sable but WWE doesn’t like to use common sense all the time.

Video on Kurt Angle.

Team Angle vs. Rikishi/Tajiri

Non-title. Rikishi knocks Charlie to the floor to start and sits on his chest for trying a sunset flip. He’s no Torrie Wilson. Tajiri comes in for a spinwheel kick to Shelton but Charlie offers a cheap shot to take over. A hard superkick drops Charlie though and the hot tag brings in Rikishi. Cole actually tries to convince us that Rikishi only weighs 350lbs, which might be the case if you cut off his upper half. Everything breaks down and Rikishi superkicks Haas and Tajiri adds the Tarantula. Shelton pulls Rikishi out though and it’s the superkick into the jackknife cover to put Tajiri away.

Rating: D+. The time issue strikes again as there’s only so much you can do with less than five minutes. Well that and with Rikishi in the match as he’s getting bigger and bigger every single week. I’m still not sure why Tajiri isn’t used in a more prominent role as he’s solid in the ring but stuck in jobbing roles like this one.

Los Guerreros run out and steal the picture of Angle and the gold medals.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Kendrick is on commentary. Before the match, Cena promises to rip the nose off the rhinoceros and make him need a gynecologist. Rhyno hammers on him to start and kicks Cena in the side of the head to send Cena outside. Back in and Cena scores with a suplex before cranking on Rhyno’s arms. Rhyno slugs away but gets caught by the Throwback for two. Cena is back up in a hurry but walks into the spinebuster. Rhyno is down though so Cena goes for the chain. It’s Kendrick making the save though, allowing Rhyno to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not a bad little power match here and it advances the entertaining Kendrick vs. Cena feud. Rhyno was playing it mostly even with Cena so it didn’t even feel like the last second fluke win. Cena needs a good win to keep his momentum though as he lost to Lesnar and is in a much lower level feud with Kendrick. I’m sure he’ll be fine though.

Cena goes after Kendrick and avoids a Gore from Rhyno, who hits the steps instead.

The FBI is planning something.

Judgment Day rundown.

Lesnar is on his way to the ring when he runs into Nunzio, who wants more respect. Nunzio hits him and gets Brock to run into a room, which the FBI barricades with a forklift. So he’s kind of dumb too? Big Show and A-Train are rather pleased and Show says he’s going to face Benoit on his own. Is there a reason Lesnar isn’t banging on the door to try to get out?

Chris Benoit vs. Big Show

Show has a stretcher with Mysterio, Benoit and Lesnar’s names on it. Benoit gets right in his face and is promptly chopped back down. Some shots to Show’s leg and head are shrugged off and it’s a big side slam to put him down. There’s a delayed suplex as Cole says Andre the Giant vs. Killer Khan was in 1986 (1981 really). Benoit fights out of a bearhug and dropkicks the knee, setting up the Swan Dive. The Crossface is broken up as A-Train distracts Benoit with the stretcher. That’s enough to set up the chokeslam and give Show the pin.

Rating: D. This was just a step above a squash though at least they kept it quick. Show beating Benoit with some help is an acceptable enough of a way to build him up for Lesnar, though the stretcher thing is another lame gimmick that feels very tacked on. They’d be better with something like Last Man Standing or a street fight or something but we get this lame idea instead. Also was there really a need to announce the tag match for an hour and a half and then switch it to a singles match at the last minute?

Benoit gets beaten down until Lesnar makes the save, only to take a beating of his own to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling in the first half of the show saves it from being a failure but the overkill of Mr. America is already getting to be a lot. Aside from the litany of holes in the story’s logic, you can only assume that we’re heading towards America vs. Piper or McMahon (like O’Haire would get that spot). It’s probably going to be Piper and the thought of that makes my skin crawl. The story is fine for something simple that gets a few minutes a week but this was close to a quarter of the show. That’s too much for almost any story, especially one that doesn’t have a lot of depth like this one.

The rest of the show is up and down with some good matches that very little but not much in the storytelling department. Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle over Eddie and Chavo stealing stuff isn’t all that interesting and Sable vs. Torrie is what it is. That leaves you with Lesnar vs. Show, which isn’t doing much for the champ at all. Lesnar really needs a top opponent and Big Show just isn’t that person. Angle and Undertaker coming back will help things out but Lesnar has already beaten both of them. It might be, gulp, time to elevate someone for more than a month at a time.

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Smackdown
Date: April 24, 2003
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we have a Smackdown main event. This time around it’s going to be rookie upstart John Cena challenging Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, meaning it’s likely time for a big face to face showdown. Other than that it’s Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper tonight for reasons I don’t even want to begin to understand. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show with Cole making sure to say that “we are just 72 hours away, three days, from Backlash”. I have that 72 hours, three days thing burned into my head after hearing Cole say it all those years.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Before the match, Cena raps his history, which basically summarizes the tournament and says he’s winning on Sunday. He also promises graphic footage to prove that Lesnar shouldn’t be champion. Rhyno wins the early power battle and sends him outside, only to get dropkicked on the way back inside.

A middle rope Fameasser with Rhyno draped over the ropes has Rhyno in trouble and it’s time to start in on the neck. Back in and we hit the armbar for a good bit until Rhyno fights up with a powerslam. The still yet to be named Throwback sets up the ProtoBomb but Rhyno catches him in a spinebuster. The Gore misses though and Cena rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here and I kind of like the idea of Cena making a power guy miss a catch him on a quick pin as it gives him another option to take the title from Lesnar. Unfortunately it wasn’t a great match in the first place, but at least Cena won and beat someone that the fans still care about.

Mr. America is coming.

The FBI annoys Chris Benoit for losing last week when they had a bet on him. They want their money back but Nunzio winds up with a match against Benoit instead.

Sable flaunts her body to Josh Matthews and hypes up the Sable Invitational body contest later tonight.

Some wrestlers toured a Navy ship earlier this week.

Chris Benoit vs. Nunzio

Stamboli and Palumbo get in some shots from behind while Nunzio has the referee. As usual the referee has no issue with Benoit being down despite his opponent not touching him and doesn’t even yell at the other Italians. They trade some chops with the Canadian getting the better of it (well duh) but Palumbo trips Benoit again. The Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser) gives Nunzio two and a swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. An enziguri finally gets Benoit out of trouble and grabs the rolling German suplexes. Nunzio pops up but the springboard armbar is countered into the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: D. I’m hoping they pull the plug on the FBI thing in the very near future as it’s just not interesting. Nunzio is the best worker of the team and even he’s only decent. On top of that, it’s such a simple and not very interesting idea. They’re just stereotypical mob thugs and that’s far from good enough to survive. At least Benoit won though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match.

Tajiri and Funaki watch Rey Mysterio 619 Big Show last week and have a hearty laugh. Cue Big Show to destroy the TV and VCR to blow off some steam.

Rey Mysterio vs. Crash

Crash is now an MF’er, meaning a follower of Matt Hardy, who only uses low fat salad dressings. Tazz dubs Crash a Moore-On as he’s working his way up to MF’er. Rey dropkicks Shannon to the floor but gets armbarred for his efforts. The sitout bulldog is countered with a belly to back suplex (Crash is the first person to come up with that counter?) but the kickouts frustrate Crash. Now the bulldog works fine and the springboard seated senton sets up a tornado DDT to give Rey two. The 619 sets up the springboard legdrop to put Crash away.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help Rey get ready for Big Show on Sunday. Crash doesn’t exactly fit the mold for a goon as he wrestled his usual not great match here without looking like anything more than a bad wrestler. This should be setting up Rey vs. Matt but it’s Rey vs. Big Show for reasons I don’t understand.

Cena gives A-Train a pep talk and shows him Lesnar giving him a very scary F5 that saw A-Train landing on his head. That was edited off the actual broadcast if you don’t remember seeing it. A-Train wants to end Lesnar.

Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper

Unfortunately Piper wrestles (work with me here) with his shirt off and the blinded referee doesn’t see Sean O’Haire hit a low blow. Some right hands knock Piper backwards and Sean takes a few of his own but O’Haire comes in to break up the Stinkface for the DQ.

O’Haire beats him down even more and adds the reverse Death Valley Driver.

The evil French guys (now officially La Resistance) are still coming.

It’s time for Sable’s body contest. Before anyone comes out, Sable says this is designed to see if anyone can be as sexy as Torrie. However, Torrie won’t be here tonight because she’s feeling a bit fat lately as she hasn’t been able to get to the gym with all the Playboy stuff. Nidia and Dawn Marie come out and are about to do their thing until Torrie comes out, as expected.

Nidia and Dawn do their thing and get their standard reactions. It’s time for Torrie, who hits on Sable, giving her kind of a standing lap dance, complete with lollipop, and….loses anyway. The beatdown is on and Torrie is left laying as this story is now more confusing than anything else. So Sable is now a lesbian cougar who didn’t interest Torrie but now Torrie is interested (or just playing the proverbial “mind games”) but Sable isn’t interested? Is that where we are?

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin

Team Angle is dedicating their win on Sunday to Kurt. Shelton takes him down without too much effort but lets Chavo up pretty quickly. Chavo scores with a dropkick and a clothesline as Tazz thinks Eddie stole money from him. Why were Los Guerreros never accused of stealing the FBI’s money a few weeks back? It’s kind of their thing to do.

Chavo’s hurricanrana gets two but he walks into a belly to belly for the same. A quickly broken camel clutch doesn’t do Shelton much good as Chavo grabs a flapjack. An STF that John Cena would think looks bad has Shelton in trouble but Charlie Haas pulls him over to the rope. The referee yells at Eddie for going after Haas, allowing Charlie to turn over a rollup and give Shelton the pin.

Rating: C-. They tried to put a bit too much into this and it wasn’t as good as I was expecting. At least they actually set up something for Sunday as that hasn’t seemed to be the case for most of the night. Chavo is the weaker of the team but he’s certainly capable of having a good match. There was a bit too much interference to let that work here though and it was kind of a mess as a result.

Cena talks trash to Lesnar.

Big Show vs. Tajiri

Show catches him without much trouble and a clothesline cuts off the kicks. A charge misses and Show crotches himself, allowing Tajiri to fire off more kicks. Show’s kick drops Tajiri again but here’s Mysterio’s music for a distraction. Not that it matters as the chokeslam plants Tajiri. Cue Rey in person to post Show, drawing a countout.

Rating: D-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Show has been humiliated twice in a row and is likely to squash Mysterio on Sunday, Rey is little more than a fly who is going to be swatted in the actual match, Tajiri gets treated like a jobber and Mysterio/Tajiri beating Team Angle to start the whole thing meant nothing at all. If someone would be interested in pointing out a positive in this whole mess, please let me know.

Stephanie McMahon is bent over a table for no apparent reason other than she probably thought she looked good that day (granted she’s not wrong). She’s an All-American girl and is happy to have Mr. America here next week.

Backlash rundown.

Brock Lesnar vs. A-Train

Non-title with Cena on commentary. Lesnar’s pyro when he jumps to the apron seems to shake Cena, which you don’t see very often. Joined in progress after a break with an exchange of power shoves. We hit a front facelock with Brock rolling A-Train around like he’s not even there. Back up and a big collision puts both of them down and it’s another staredown.

Brock finally gets a more definitive advantage by clotheslining A-Train to the floor, allowing Cena to trash talk even more. The distraction lets A-Train kick him in the face to take over, followed by the chinlock. Brock fights up but gets puts right back down with a hard shoulder. A powerslam works a bit better for Lesnar, only to have A-Train grab the Derailer for two. Cena: “WHAT’S UP WITH CHIODA DOG??? WAY OUT OF POSITION!” The F5 plants A-Train a few seconds later but Cena comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Slow, plodding power match here with an obvious and dull ending. Lesnar winning is fine and A-Train got in some big shots despite having no change to win. There’s no hiding the fact that Lesnar vs. Cena is the only Smackdown match that matters on Sunday but it’s looking like little more than a glorified squash. Bad main event to a bad show.

Cena chains Lesnar in the head and hits the Death Valley Driver (now the standard AA). A belt shot to Lesnar’s head ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. The best thing on the show was a lackluster Chavo vs. Shelton match as it’s clear that the Smackdown side of Backlash means absolutely nothing. Brock vs. Cena is the distant third biggest match on the pay per view card and everything else is complete filler. This show did nothing to shake that idea as the whole thing was Lesnar vs. Cena and everything else, none of which was interesting in the slightest. It was a terrible show and another part of a horrid stretch for the brand.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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