On This Day: December 31, 2001 – Monday Night Raw: Closing Out The Year In Style

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 31, 2001
Hosts: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

There’s not much to say here because it’s a Best Of Show. I don’t know if this includes matches from Smackdown or not, but to the best of my knowledge there’s nothing new on here. Therefore I’ll be cutting and pasting anything from Raw and redoing anything from Smackdown, so don’t stop reading now and go on to the full thing. I’ll wait here while you do it. Let’s get to it.

Michael and Jerry are in an empty arena and complains about being here with Lawler. I think this is a three hours special.

It’s a top ten as selected by the fans. The matches on the show are clipped but I’ll be posting the full versions of them. I won’t be including backstories but check out the full reviews of the shows if you need them. Odds are you won’t though. In case you’re incredibly dense, all shows listed are the 2001 versions.

#10: Royal Rumble – IntercontinentalTitle: ChrisBenoitvs. ChrisJericho

I’ve always loved the prove me wrong line that Benoit had. It was perfect for him as it was short and sweet and correct. That’s all you need a lot of the time. Jericho has a bad shoulder here too to offer some psychology to the match. It helps here as your arms can help you climb a ladder so if nothing else it fits the flow of the match here which can often be the most important part of the match.

They bring the ladder in and somehow we get even more physical than we already were in this match. This was some of Jericho’s best in ring stuff around this time as he was clearly having a blast. See, the difference between WCW and WWF is that here, Benoit and Jericho are likely going to steal the show. They did it in WCW as well but there they would likely just do the same thing again until they jobbed to a 42 year old that didn’t need a push at all.

Here, Benoit would be a workhorse that got all kinds of praise and big matches while in less than a year Jericho would be world champion. Ah here we go. It’s ladder and other weapons time. After some stiff shots in the ring, Jericho goes to the floor and grabs a chair. Benoit launches a suicide dive at him but goes straight into the chair in a great looking spot. And see, Jericho SELLS THE SHOULDER. How hard is that for people to learn?

This turns into a game of top this as they come up with more and more ridiculous ways to hurt each other with the ladder. One of them is Benoit being tied into the ladder on the second rope and Jericho hooking a side Russian legsweep on him, bringing the ladder down with them. There’s stuff in here straight out of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

Benoit gives Jericho a belly to back suplex over the top rope. That’s cool looking if nothing else. Climbing back in, we have a fight up on the top of the ladder, which leads to the spot of the match. Jericho knocks Benoit backwards, and puts THE WALLS OF JERICHO on him on top of the ladder. To say this looks both incredible and painful is a total understatement. That just got this match a much higher grade.

Benoit goes off the ladder but has the energy to kick it over to save the title. This is great stuff here. Back on the mat, Jericho gets caught in the crossface and taps, but obviously this means nothing. There’s at least some psychology here as Benoit already has Jericho’s shoulder hurt so he works on it. That’s at least smart. Since there’s nothing else to do, Benoit is picked up and just thrown into the ladder.

Why not? Sometimes the best solution is just to beat the other person up with the ladder. It’s working here if nothing else. In yet another great visual, we go to the top for a suplex but Jericho is shoved off. Benoit goes for the swan dive, and the whole crowd just rises to their feet to watch in amazement at what they’re seeing. That’s how you know you’re doing a great job: the crowd responds to you.

We finally get one of the first dead spots of the match which is perfectly acceptable in this case as they’re half dead. This lasts all of four seconds though as Jericho comes back in with a chair and just wears out Benoit with it while he’s standing on the ladder. Benoit gets pushed off and bounces off the ropes, then the apron and then the floor, which is enough for Jericho to get the belt. DANG that was painful looking. The highlight package of this match doesn’t do it justice.

Rating: A. This was a freaking brutal fight. They beat the living crap out of each other here and are going to be hard to top. For some reason this match isn’t really remembered, and that was the case even before Benoit was deleted from history. These guys went at it like no other and beat the living tar out of each other. Go find a copy of this as it’s definitely worth it. Great brawling match with tons of brutal spots.

There’s some banter between Jerry and Cole during the spaces in between but it’s just filler talk so I won’t be mentioning it here.

#9: Wrestlemania – Undertakervs. HHH

Back then, HHH was a bigger star than he is now. He beat Austin, the king of the world, twice in one night the previous month. Taker was about 8 months into his biker gimmick and was a step behind what he used to be at though. However, this was his hometown and it’s Wrestlemania, although this is before the Streak became important.

Motorhead plays HHH to the ring and it is freaking awesome. They play the verse and chorus all the way through before we cut to a long shot of the arena and we see Triple H, Start Game flash on the screen, then a small object appears beneath it. Cut to a shot of HHH and then back to the arena. My goodness these stadiums are awesome. The live band is always cool as they play him through the long walk down the aisle.

 

HHH does a double water spit so you know this is an important show. The song ends and HHH paces back and forth. We hear gong strikes, and the lights go out. DEAD MAN WALKING. Instead of walking down the huge ramp, Taker drives his bike down instead in another famous shot. The cool thing here is it’s long enough that he can crank it up and gets the bike flying down the aisle. Taker jumps in the ring, rips the shirt off and we’re on.

Just as Taker is about to start the fight, JR mentions that he is 8-0, undefeated at Wrestlemania. Ladies and Gentlemen, the streak is born. That’s the first time that it’s mentioned on WWF television to my knowledge, but certainly the first time at Wrestlemania. The fight starts on the floor with Taker hammering away. Guess what Taker knocks HHH through. Go on, I want you to guess. It rhymes with French announce table. You guessed it. Twice in one night has to be a record.

 

They slug it out in the ring and the knee to the face gets HHH nowhere. BIG back drop puts HHH down. Powerslam gets two and a big clothesline takes down HHH. Old School is countered. Not sure how HHH knew it was coming. Might be that Taker shouted out OLD SCHOOL right before he went for it. Just a hunch mind you. The Game hammers away on Taker including a trio of elbows. That and a neckbreaker gets three straight two counts.

 

HHH goes after the ref and gets shoved back which gets a huge pop. My goodness this crowd is white hot. Six minutes in and HHH gets the sledgehammer. Referee takes it from him so HHH tries a Pedigree which is blocked into a catapult and the referee goes down. Chokeslam gets two because the referee was slow thanks to him getting bumped.

 

Taker, being the ticked off man that he is, beats the referee up because of this. The throw that Taker sends HHH to the floor with is either great selling or a real throw. We go into the crowd and actually wind up at the production tower which has been seen maybe twice in company history. This is what the cameras sit on in the arena and where the sound is adjusted etc. Quite simply if they screw up here, the PPV goes off the air.

HHH now has a problem. He’s trying to run from Taker, but the only way to run is to keep climbing the tower. HHH finds a chair up there though and lands about 10 sick chair shots to Taker. They’re in a tiny place so Taker is laid out and HHH just hits him wherever he can with the chair. Great visual on that. Taker gets up and catches HHH after the Game poses. The flashbulbs are going so crazy it’s hard to see them for a little bit.

 

He then chokeslams him off the tower. Now think about why this is cool. No one has ever seen them fight here before so it’s unknown. There’s no referee as Taker beat him up. Most importantly, we don’t see HHH land. What did he land on? That’s what makes this cool: the total mystery of it. Sadly, we see he landed on a big pad, but it still must have knocked him out a bit. If not, the elbow Taker drops on him does. What’s a good American Tough Guy to do now? He beats up the EMTs of course.

They fight back to the ring and the referee is still down. What the heck? He got kicked and elbowed, not shot in the forehead. Taker gets the hammer and a low blow to make him drop it a few seconds later. Heyman talking about how dangerous weapons are is either a rib by him or the best unintentional comedy I’ve heard in a long time. HHH gets a tombstone countered because he’s not the Undertaker, and Taker breaks out the Tombstone for maybe the first or second time in a year plus.

 

The crowd loves it, but still there’s no referee. In a sweet finish, Taker goes for the Last Ride but HHH picks up the hammer and nails him in the head with it. That somehow only gets two. Taker is bleeding and HHH sends him to the corner to rain down right hands. He pauses for a split second to yell at the crowd, and Taker reaches up and grabs him before stepping forward, lifting him into the air and drilling him with the Last Ride! He gets the pin as the crowd explodes.

Rating: A+. This is an outstanding match and would have main evented any other show of the year. The story was great, the fighting was off the charts, and you never knew who was going to win until the very end. Excellent job from both guys involved and probably the true forgotten classic in Wrestlemania history.

These are heavily clipped as the previous match ran about 20 minutes live and was less than ten here.

Flair wishes us a happy new year and gives us the top five shock moments of the new year:

5. ECW returns and joins with WCW to form the Alliance with Stephanie as co-owner. That’s still one of my favorite moments ever, partially because of how great Stephanie looked in that pink dress.

4. Booker T cost Austin the Undisputed Title match at Vengeance.

3. Drew Carey in the Rumble.

2. Undertaker turns heel and destroys JR, making him kiss Vince.

1. Ric Flair is the new co-owner.

No Shane as WCW owner? I’m sorry but no. This list is officially a failure.

Back to the the countdown.

#8: King of the Ring – ShaneMcMahonvs. KurtAngle

It should be noted that this is one of my favorite matches ever so I’ll be biased in it. Wait, they’re my reviews so I’m biased towards myself, so it’s fine. Angle throws his medals down on the way to the ring so you know this is serious. Again, JR says that after I typed it so I win again. Angle is just beating the tar out of Shane to start here. And just as I say that Shane starts throwing lefts and fights back.

With Shane on the floor, Angle gets on all fours and wants to go amateur, which is more popular that pro in certain areas other than wrestling. Naturally Angle easily gets out and beats on Shane even more. In a nice looking move, Angle hits a gutwrench but it’s overhead instead of to the side. It looked cool. Angle is just throwing Shane everywhere. It looks like a squash but don’t worry. It’ll get better. Shane has had three punches and an armdrag.

He offers Shane another amateur attempt but this time Shane just punts him in the ribs. That’s followed by a jumping back elbow making him awesome. On the floor now, Shane gets on the railing behind JR and Heyman and jumps over both them and the table to hit Kurt with a clothesline in a sweet spot. The guy was athletic and no one can ever argue that.

It’s certainly more entertaining than seeing Vince out there making a fool out of himself. And we have a kendo stick which Shane can swing really well. He actually breaks it over Angle’s back which has to feel awful. Shane uses armdrags on the floor to send Angle into the railing which is a nice spot. Shane goes for a cover and Angle bridges out of it. Think of the Matrix move.

Shane does the smart thing and just hits him in the stomach. Angle does this three times, showing off his stupidity. It’s weapons time now and Shane is dominating. Ankle lock by Shane and Kurt just kicks him in the face. Nothing wrong with that. We get a Sharpshooter attempt and Shane botches it but gets it eventually. It looks bad but it’s ok I guess. Granted almost no one gets it right so it’s fine.

Shane is just beating the heck out of Angle here. He puts a trash can on his stomach and goes to the top for a shooting star press which misses but looked solid. The fans get a hokey smoke chant going as they’re impressed here. We hit the floor again and Shane hits a suplex, which breaks Kurt’s tailbone. He’s legit hurt which makes the rest of the match even more impressive. His solution to Shane fighting back: slam Shane’s head into a wall. I like the simple ideas.

 

In the sickest bump you’ll see in years, Angle suplexes Shane over his head into one of the glass walls with KOR (what, no love for the?) on them. The problem is that it doesn’t break and Shane lands on his head which goes THUD. It sounded and looked SICK. Shane is more or less out of it.

Angle, ticked off that it didn’t work, picks him up and does it AGAIN, this time having it work, drawing another holy crap chant. Angle’s arm is bleeding. We’re under the stage now and Angle suplexes him again and AGAIN it doesn’t break. Shane is busted. Angle goes for another suplex and it doesn’t break. In essence, Shane is being thrown into a wall. Kurt is ticked and just picks him up and launches him through a glass wall.

Shane looks like he’s been beaten by an army and raped by a bear while being run over by a train. Angle is spent too. Everyone is just bleeding awfully. Angle gets an anvil case and puts Shane on it to wheel him back to the ring. That’s a good idea as he’s just dead weight at this point. We’re back in the ring and Angle covers Shane. For two. The place pops like a freaking teenage girl for that. We get a replay where we can see Kurt’s face and he looks like he wants to cry.

A low blow connects and Shane isn’t dead yet. He gets a trash can lid and just pops the heck out of Angle and hits an Olympic Slam for two. Both guys are just freaking spent. Shane gets catapulted into the corner where he just kind of collapses. Angle gets a board from somewhere and just beats Shane about the back and shoulder with it. There’s something awesome about that.

He sets it up on the copes and climbs to the top where he this the Olympic Slam from the top rope. I would say Shane lands in the middle of the ring with a thud, but as they said in Con Air, “the word ain’t land. It’s crash.” They show a bunch a replays and the slam looks cooler and cooler ever time. I mean Shane just explodes on the mat and it looks amazing. Shane’s best match ever by about 1000 miles. They carry him out and he’s just gone. The Slam off the top got the pin if that wasn’t clear.

Rating: A. This was just freaking brutal. It’s a great street fight where you never really believed Shane was completely out of it. That’s a great thing to be able to say, but Shane took the best beating I can recall anyone taking in a long time. Find a copy of this match as it’s right up there with any beating I’ve ever seen.

We get a video from the 9/11 show, with Lillian singing the Star Spangled Banner. They don’t show the whole song. Seriously? You clipped the national anthem two days after September 11? REALLY? Lillian hitting the high notes on this still gives me chills. That’s pretty awesome.

#7: Monday Night Raw – May 21, 2001 – Tag Titles: Steve Austin/HHH vs. Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho

 

Here we go. Austin vs. Jericho gets us going and one of the belts is laying in the ring. Austin takes over with pounding boots but Jericho snaps off a cross body for two. A top rope elbow to the head scores for Jericho and he works on Austin’s arm. HHH comes in and the Canadians take over. Benoit chops Austin HARD and then hits a snap suplex for no cover. There’s a superplex for two as HHH saves.

 

Jericho comes in to even things out but it lets the champions take over. Benoit is like screw that and pounds them back, hooking the Crossface on Austin. HHH comes in with a big chair shot to break it up but Benoit kicks out to a big pop. Benoit goes into the steps for no count as he kicks out before the one. Austin pounds away on him and it’s off to HHH who hooks a cheating abdominal stretch.

 

Make that a sleeper as Benoit is in big trouble. Benoit manages to fire off a suplex to put both guys down and an enziguri is good enough for the hot tag to Jericho….but the referee doesn’t see it. The fans don’t like that at all. Jericho goes off with Austin on the floor as HHH hits the Pedigree. There’s no referee though so Jericho goes up and takes HHH’s head off with a missile dropkick.

 

There’s your hot tag to Jericho and he takes on the now legal Austin and HHH at the same time. Thesz Press is countered into a spinebuster and then the Walls but HHH makes the save. That right there, that save, resulted in HHH tearing his quad off the bone and would put him out of action until January of 2002. You could see HHH’s leg just stop moving. His leg is dead weight now.

 

HHH is like screw this potentially career ending injury and goes to set up the announce table. HHH loads up the Pedigree but Jericho counters into the Walls on the table, and remember that HHH has a torn muscle. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Benoit hits the swan dive on Austin but there’s no referee. Stunner to Benoit gets two as Jericho pulls the referee out. Lionsault gets knees and HHH finds the sledgehammer from somewhere. The second Lionsault hits but the hammer hits Austin and Jericho gets the pin and the titles as the place erupts!

 

Rating: A+. WOW this match holds up really well. After Jericho gets that hot tag, this is full speed ahead the rest of the way. The energy in this is great as they did everything they could to keep the Canadians down but in the end, HHH messes up to end it. Notice one very important thing here: Jericho had Austin (presumably) beat with the Lionsault, so it’s not like they got dominated the entire time and won on a mistake by the other team. That’s huge and it makes Benoit/Jericho look far stronger as the new champions.

We’re four matches in and the lowest rating is an A. That’s insane and we’ve got a bunch of great matches to go.

Rikishi gives us the top five kisses of the year.

5. Regal kisses Vince to open Vince’s club.

4. Lita kisses Matt.

3. Rock makes Vince kiss Rikishi to “close” Vince’s club.

2. Rock kisses Trish. That looked like something from Hollywood and of course it went nowhere.

1. Angle gets his gold medals back out of Benoit’s tights and he kisses him. Angle is always great at comedy.

We get a look at things that are in movies that the WWF also has with a highlight package of each. We get music, romance, betrayal, revenge, toilet humor and old-fashioned fun which is pretty much a bunch of “funny” moments. This runs about five minutes in total and is actually pretty funny. There’s WAY too much stuff in it to list though.

We get a quick look back at Tough Enough with Maven and Nidia winning. If you don’t remember them, that shouldn’t surprise you at all. I did really like the theme song though. One of the male runners up is more famous as Josh Matthews.

#6: No Mercy – Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler

This is a lingerie match which means they wrestle in it. Let’s get this over with. I can’t stand these kind of matches. I mean, the girls look great but when I can see them in even less for free on the internet, what’s the point? Stacy has a riding crop or something and spanks Torrie and the referee. They “wrestle” for a bit and exchange a bunch of rollups. Torrie wins with a handspring elbow. This was worthless.

Ok so not everything was great. The girls looked hot though.

We get a video of Rock returning to the WWF and Rock Bottoming both Vince and Shane before joining the WWF.

#5: Survivor Series – TeamAlliancevs. TeamWWF

After literally ten minutes of introductions, we’re ready to go. Stephanie dancing to Booker’s music was either funny, hot, or just plain sad. I can’t decide. Immediately it’s Rock vs. Austin, which makes sense I suppose as they’re the real core of this feud. Before you get any other ideas, this isn’t WWF vs. Alliance. It’s a WWF angle, plain and simple. Both guys hit the Thesz Press and the F U elbow with Shane saving Austin despite him not particularly needing it.

Booker vs. Rock follows as we redo Summerslam from this year. Booker was the WCW Rock, complete with the catchphrase to open his song, the People’s Champion mantra, and the finishing move. And that is reason 384 why WCW failed. I need to make a list of that someday. Shane saves Booker this time, so at least that makes sense. WCW violence erupts as Jericho beats up Booker for a bit.

Ross and Heyman argue over who put ECW out of business which is amusing, mainly because according to storyline purposes it’s still in business but whatever. RVD gets a pop and a half. Jericho and Van Dam have a good little match here, as Jericho is wrestling his light weight style which is where I always thought he was best. Today he tends to use the heavyweight style which just doesn’t work that well for me. Jericho hooks the Walls on a counter and Heyman is PANICKING.

Shane of course makes the save though. After a double tag it’s Kane vs. Angle which is an interesting match to say the least. Angle was in between stages in his career here as he’s somewhere between All American good boy and rampaging psycho that knows more ways to hurt people that should be legal. He had recently made Kane tap and Angle Slammed Big Show, so obviously he was on a role at the moment.

Also, this was just after he and Austin had finished an awesome feud with Angle hitting levels of intensity in promo cutting that I didn’t know existed. Those two beat the living tar out of each other, throwing each other all over the place with suplex after suplex in something that was just plain awesome. And because this is pro wrestling they’re friends a month later. Just as I say this, Angle gets a sweet German on Kane. Shane saves Angle as that’s number four.

Now we’re up to Taker and Angle, which is nothing short of a classic most of the time except for when it’s not. Taker hits a sweet kick to Booker’s head to take him down, and of course Shane makes the save again. It makes sense if nothing else though, as he’s the guy with everything to lose. Taker goes for Old School as evidenced by shouting OLD SCHOOL! I really don’t get the point of him doing that. It’s not like he used a wristlock that often.

After Shane makes another save to save us from Booker and Taker’s slow section, Austin comes in. The fans are still way into him, which goes to show how popular he was. Austin vs. Taker really was an epic rivalry. It’s kind of reminiscent of Hogan and Andre when you think about it. You have the big vocal face of the company vs. the guy that’s great but stays in the background most of the time. It’s a simple story but it goes in depth once you look into it a bit.

After the second Old School in about three minutes, Shane…oh screw it you know what he does by now. Taker just starts punching the heck out of Angle which never gets old. Heyman finally does what everyone has wanted to do for years and asks JR what the deal is with his obsession with taking men to the woodshed. Ross has nothing to say as Big Show comes in for the first time, rocking that one piece swimsuit he used to wear.

Naturally he lasts about a minute as an Angle Slam, axe kick, 5 Star and a Shane elbow drop end him to make it 5-4. Can the forces of evil really overcome the forces of good? Dang if I know as there’s at least half an hour left in this match. In a funny moment after the pin, Shane is dancing around celebrating as Rock is waiting on him. The Alliance guys point it out to him and he slowly stops dancing before turning around and looking scared. That was great.

Rock’s punches seem to miss by about a mile to me, but maybe I’m missing something. After a Kane chokeslem, a Taker tombstone and a Lionsault, we’re tied up. Heyman as usual is priceless during this. Angle comes in now as we need a spatula for Shane. I love how Heyman is freaking despite the fact that Shane got the same treatment that Show got earlier. Also I love how he complains about how stupid Show is, despite him taking Show in as the ECW Champion in about five years.

It’s Angle vs. Jericho now in another match that has a natural rivalry that I’ll never get tired of watching. I’ve come to the conclusion that Booker is just flat out boring. He’s been in there about three times now and he’s just killed the momentum every single time. He’s slow and boring, which is a bad combination to consist of.

Ross points out the same thing I noticed earlier about how the WWF is mainly power, which makes sense as most of the Alliance guys are finesse or technical guys, which is either a very subtle and nice touch, or a complete coincidence. The WWF team beats up RVD, prompting Heyman to say he believes they’re trying to isolate him. Well thank you very much for that. I never would have noticed.

Booker and RVD are in at the same time with Kane, who naturally gets no help from his partners because, you know, that would be helpful. Van Dam had pinned Kane and Taker this past week, so he’s hot right now which is kind of a joke considering Kane is in there, but it wasn’t that funny. I need to work on my comedy more I think.

The Five Star (which is still the most amazing live move I’ve ever seen) hits but Kane grabs Van Dam by the throat, leading to Booker running in, which leads to the massive brawl that you knew was coming. During the fracas, Van Dam hits a kick from the top to eliminate Kane. In a cool moment, Taker has one member of the Alliance in each of the corners and keeps them there by running back and forth, clotheslining them all in order.

He does about eight clotheslines in a row before knocking Booker to the floor. Angle takes a Last Ride but Booker comes in with a chair. Taker knocks him down but walks into the Stunner. Angle is dragged over and despite not being legal, gets the pin. That takes us down to Rock and Jericho vs. Austin, Booker, RVD and Angle. Dang that’s a lot of gold between six guys. Booker kicks/knees the heck out of Rock.

Rock hits a DDT and covers Booker but it doesn’t work, which it shouldn’t have any way as Booker’s shoulder was about right inches off the mat. Booker is thrown into Angle, allowing him to be rolled up to make it 3-2. I like that actually, as it’s not something stupid and it actually makes sense for Booker to go out that way.

Rock hooks a cool move on Van Dam as RVD’s back was to the Great One and Rock more or less powerbombs him down, but does it with one arm so it’s like a roll up from the top which gets two. Jericho is finally back in and they nearly botch a spot, but Jericho makes a last second save to turn it into a swinging neckbreaker. That was nice. In a sequence that’s just flat out awesome due to what it means now.

Jericho avoids a split legged moonsault and hits the Breakdown for the pin on Van Dam, which looked awful because Van Dam dropped to a knee so the move got ZERO reaction. The reason it’s cool is Van Dam missed what is now Morrison’s finisher to get caught in Miz’s finisher. That’s awesome and one of the biggest reasons I love watching old wrestling. You get to see stuff like that which wouldn’t have meant a thing eight years ago but now is kind of cool, or at least it is to me.

Who would have guessed it would come down to the four guys that have been fighting on both sides? We have two fights going on at once, with Austin hitting a slingshot on Rock, who of course oversells by more or less throwing a flying headbutt into the post. Heyman says they can find a spot for Rock if nothing else for his t-shirt sales.

We move to Austin vs. Jericho which is a feud that could have been great but never happened, I guess due to a generation gap. I think I might see why now as they badly botch a spot and the bad attempt at a save just fails miserably.

Jericho and Angle are in there now and Jericho hooks the ankle lock as we continue to shame the history of Ken Shamrock, who would win the TNA World Title in about nine months. Actually it was the NWA World Title at the time, but it was exclusive to TNA so whatever. The heels take their time beating on Jericho which at least makes sense. It’s fairly slow and boring, but it’s working to an extent I suppose.

We get a double hot tag to give us Rock vs. Angle. Rock hits the awful belly to belly to set up the even worse Sharpshooter to which Angle shockingly taps. More on that later. Since Rock is a jerk, he won’t let go until Austin knocks him off. Heyman’s panicking is just great here. Jericho can’t get the Walls, but Austin does of all things, but they last about a second. Austin is bleeding, and of course it’s profusely since it’s PPV.

Since it hasn’t been mentioned all match, we suddenly remember that Austin might be jumping, despite Vince saying it was nonsense. Austin counters Jericho’s roll up into one of his own, and wouldn’t you know it, the final two are Rock and Austin. For the life of me, I NEVER would have seen this as the final two. Ok that’s a lie but whatever. As Austin and Rock are getting going, Jericho hits Rock with the Breakdown, which technically should be a DQ.

Actually it shouldn’t be since it’s his own team so never mind. Rock naturally kicks out. Jericho heads back to the ring but Taker comes out for the save. That’s a feud that sadly never happened. They just had their first match in September of this year. That’s saying a lot. If Rock ever sold any big spot properly I think I’d have a heart attack. I get the point in doing it, but it’s just way too much most of the time, at least in my eyes.

They fight to the floor and land in the most famous of all places. Rock lands some punches square in the shoulder of Austin which for some reason keep him down. Ross and Heyman are just laying into each other on commentary and it’s great. I have no issue with the announcers being biased in circumstances like this. Austin hooks a bad Sharpshooter because we have to have a Montreal reference at every major show in history.

Austin isn’t even leaning back on it so it just looks like Rock has his legs up. There’s no heat on the move at all from the crowd because it looks so awful and no one buys that Rock is in a lot of pain at all. A belt shot from Austin misses and it’s the third bad Sharpshooter of the night. Man is this some golden edition of the Montreal reference package or something? It’s a sad thing when Rock’s Sharpshooter is better than someone else’s but that’s the case here.

In a cool scene, Austin has the WWF belt and is holding onto it as he tries to get to the ropes. For once, Ross points something out and says being champion is Austin’s life and is the reason he won’t tap. That’s just wrong because it’s been made clear that champions won’t get fired, but at least Ross is trying. In a stupid thing, Austin gets the ropes but Rock pulls him away, so Hebner keeps checking for the submission. Yeah that makes a lot of sense.

On the second time though Earl makes him break it. What’s the point of that? Y am I wasting my time trying to figure this out? Since it’s Rock vs. Austin, Rock hits a Stunner, allegedly on the inventor of it, but I don’t see Mikey Whipwreck anywhere. Nick Patrick runs out to pull Hebner out to prevent the three as Heyman says he’s a licensed official.

For some reason the idea of taking the test for your refereeing license amuses me. What’s the test like? If you mess up more than three counts you don’t pass? Do you have to learn how many taps there are in a proper tap out? Ok it’s not as funny as I thought it was. Austin hits a Rock Bottom of his own but of course he kicks out. Austin beats up Patrick, because that’s just what he does.

Since it’s a major PPV, Hebner goes down. Rock takes another Stunner and amazingly only oversells a bit. There’s no referee though as I wonder why Vince doesn’t just call for the bell on his own. It’s his show, so it’s not like it would be mind blowing. Angle runs out and screws the Alliance by hitting Austin with the belt straight into the Rock Bottom for the perfectly timed conscious Hebner to end the Alliance. The crowd was electric over this.

Heyman is at a loss for words, which shows how huge of a moment this is. Ross screams that Heyman is out of work AGAIN, which is great. Fink’s announcement of the winning organization is absolutely perfect. Stephanie is crying badly as the WWF guys are celebrating. What I meant earlier was that Angle was apparently sent into the Alliance by Vince, and it turned out that Angle, not Austin, was the one that would turn all along.

This wound up ticking off Taker, setting up his heel turn and massive haircut. Oh look, it’s Vince to take credit for something that he played absolutely zero part in. It’s good to know that some things never change. The sight of Vince holding up his arms in triumph in a WCW town no less takes us out.

Rating: B. The two problems here are very obvious. First of all, there was zero chance that the WWF would lose. Second, it was beyond obvious that it would come down to Austin vs. Rock in their I guess 23rd PPV ending fight. The match itself is good if not very good, but there’s just no drama whatsoever, which they clearly tried to put in by having Jericho and Rock against four guys and then Jericho screwing Rock.

Even still though, the ending was never once in doubt. I get that it had to be that way, but they booked themselves into a huge corner here and it showed badly. I don’t think this could have been a classic, but it was about as good as it could have been.

To give you an idea of how much these matches are being clipped, that match ran roughly an hour counting entrances. Here’s it’s about eight minutes.

Trish gives us the top five slaps of the year.

5. Debra slaps Vince for saying she’s the exception for the behind every great man there’s a great woman saying.

4. Molly slaps Austin for calling her a bimbo.

3. Debra slaps Undertaker for being a jerk. She slaps him twice.

2. Trish slaps Vince to turn face at Wrestlemania.

1. Stephanie slaps Linda who apparently is weaker than a referee, being knocked out by a single slap.

Back to the matches.

#4: InVasion – HardcoreTitle: RobVanDamvs. JeffHardy

Why all the TNA on TNA violence? RVD’s outfit is tiger print of all things tonight. He looks like Tony the Tiger in spandex. This should be fun. Hardy isn’t a huge deal yet but he’s in the midcard. Van Dam is WAY over. Crowd is red hot for this as it was more or less the second featured match on the card. Hardy goes for his run the rail spot and Van Dam makes the stop by jumping up on it to stop him. Nice.

Into the crowd now. This is totally sloppy and totally a mess but since it’s a hardcore match, it’s working rather well actually. The crowd is helping it a lot also. Van Dam takes a bow which is a very nice touch. With Van Dam on the apron, Hardy slingshots over the ropes into a powerbomb to the floor. Sweet looking spot and it’s ladder time. This had to happen. In another sick spot, Hardy is on the top of the ladder, and I mean the big one, and is pushed off and crashes to the floor.

This was what gave us the “How do you learn to fall off a 20ft ladder” soundbyte. In another, say it with me, sick spot, Van Dam is crouched but jumps into the air for a Van Daminator that looked GREAT. It knocked Hardy through the hole into the stage to the floor. We’ve reached the part where it’s just them beating the living crap out of each other and the fan are flat out eating it up.

The belt is in the ring as Hardy gets a nice German Suplex. Jeff is bleeding a bit. Swanton misses. With Jeff down, Van Dam puts the belt on Hardy’s chest and hits the 5 Star for the pin. Fun match.

Rating: B+. This is a great example of a match where you have to consider what was going on out there. This wasn’t meant to be a mat clinic or anything. This was about high impact, high intensity over the top spots and that’s what the fans got. This was fun and the crowd loved it. Great match.

Rock is in the back on the phone and notices the camera. Apparently he’s hosting a top five segment but forgot he agreed to do it. It’s the top five put downs of the year but he abuses the guy holding the boom mic for a bit first. The guy is taller than Rock but he’s wearing a WCW shirt. Rock makes him remove it. Rock: “GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY PUT THE SHIRT BACK ON!”

5. Rock to Stephanie about how cheap of a sl** she is.

4. Edge to X-Pac: “1998 called and they’re sick of you too so come join us in 2001.”

3. Big Show imitates Positive DDP.

2. Jericho making fun of Stephanie’s breast implants. Jericho ripping Stephanie never gets old.

1. Rock rips Booker T for being stupid. Rock: “Teacher asks what’s 2+2. Booker T says THOMAS JEFFERSON SUCKA!”

#3: Wrestlemania – WWF World Heavyweight Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is made No DQ just before the match starts which is a surprise to everyone and it comes back to play a factor later. JR’s saying WHAT as soon as that’s announced made me laugh quite loudly. The glass shatters and the ovation is deafening. Austin is so over it’s amazing. He hits the first corner and the pop grows somehow. He turns around to cross the ring and it’s as if everything goes into slow motion. Austin climbs to the middle rope, throws two fingers into the air, and the flashbulbs go insane. It’s that moment that defines this whole show I think.

 

All of the other great matches all night long, from the wrestling classic to the ladders to the war we just saw, none of that means anything anymore and every single eye in the building is on this man right here. It’s the peak of Steve Austin’s popularity and it’s amazing to say the very least. JR’s commentary is absolutely perfect here. It’s that perfect voice that we all know, but the words simply couldn’t be better. He builds this match up to be as epic as it should be. The music ends, and we hear the sound of his opponent.

Rock comes out to an INCREDIBLY mixed reaction. He’s either being cheered all the way to heaven or being booed out of the building. Not sure which. He hits the corner, throws the belt over his shoulder with his arm raised in the air, and we get the staredown from one side of the ring to the other. The feeling is all there too. You can tell what you’re watching is absolutely epic and it feel just right.

 

The fight starts almost immediately with Austin jumping Rock as he gets off the ropes. Thesz Press takes down Rock seconds into it but Rock fights back with a swinging neckbreaker. Rock Bottom and Stunner both don’t connect and we hit the floor. Out into the crowd they go with neither guy keeping an advantage at all. Back to the ring now with Austin having a brief advantage.

 

Superplex gets two and Austin takes the turnbuckle pad off. Rock fights back to massive booing and a clothesline for two. Back out to the floor again and Austin gets a shot with the bell to take Rock down. Rock is sent onto the table which breaks on a delay so the camera misses it. This is so epic. These two are the biggest stars in the world and this is the biggest match of the year. What more can you ask for?

 

Austin hits a neckbreaker for two. Mudhole stomping commences but Rock comes flying out with a clothesline to huge boos. More slugging it out with Rock in control now. Rock grabs the bell and gets a shot to the head with it for two. Austin is busted open and Rock hammers away. Oh man he’s bleeding BAD. Back to the floor again and they fight it out even more.

 

Another important thing to note is Ross. Ross has been mostly reserved all night but now he’s pouring it on. This makes this look FAR more interesting and intense while at the same time not diminishing the other stuff. Austin gets a slingshot to send Rock into the post. Monitor to the head and Rock is down on the floor. THAT gets two.

 

Austin flips Rock off and gets caught in the Sharpshooter for his efforts. Rock is busted now too. Great throwback here to Mania 13 as Austin screams in the hold. Rock pulls him back to the middle and Austin is in big trouble. Finally there’s the rope. Now Austin throws it on Rock and the people are loving it. After it gets broken it goes on again and this time it’s a rope used to escape. HUGE booing when he gets there too.

 

The Million Freaking Dollar Dream goes on and the bloody Rock is in trouble. Rock pushes off the corner ala Bret vs. Austin at Survivor Series 96 but this time Austin kicks out. Little things like those make matches AWESOME. Rock gets a Stunner out of nowhere for two.

 

And now we set up the ending as Vince McMahon is here. Both guys get spinebusters but Rock’s sets up the People’s Elbow. Vince slides in and breaks that up though, shocking everyone. Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for two. Crowd is losing it on these kickouts. Stunner is blocked and there goes the referee again.

 

A low blow puts Rock down and Austin asks Vince for a chair. Vince cracks Rock with it as the crowd isn’t sure what to do. Vince puts the referee back in but THAT gets two. A Rock Bottom out of nowhere but Vince has the referee. Rock pulls Vince in but walks into another Stunner for ANOTHER two. Austin is all ticked off now and Vince hands him a chair, drilling Rock with it for two. Austin absolutely explodes, drilling Rock with the chair an insane 19 times and getting the academic pin for the title. Rock is DEAD.

 

Rating: A+. The repeated finishers and chair shots hurt this quite a bit, but the crowd, the commentary and the overall feeling push this to the sky easily. Epic feeling the whole match and the crowd was in the palm of their hands. Not great wrestling, but the crowd carries this to greatness.

Austin and Vince shake hands, ending the Attitude Era and also ending the superpower that WWE was and marking the beginning of the decline of the company. They share a beer and another Stunner to Rock ends this very long but incredible show.

Cole says three matches are from Wrestlemania. I’m 99% sure I know the two remaining matches now.

Debra has the top five food moments.

5. Jericho hits Stephanie with a pie.

4. Debra hits Austin with a cookie sheet. That was a great shot too.

3. MILK-A-MANIA!!!

2. Austin vs. Booker in the grocery store. That’s a favorite of mine.

1. Rock talks to Lillian about strudel. He asks her if she would like some and she’s gone, saying she’d love it more than anything. Rock asks for a little professionalism.

I was right about the first of the two matches.

 

#2: Wrestlemania – TagTitles: Edge/Christianvs. HardyBoysvs. DudleyBoys

This is yet another match with no story but it never needed one. These three teams all wanted to be the champions and this match was fairly obvious. The Dudleys come in as champions here. All four faces jump the Canadians to get us going here. The Dudleys hit a flapjack to Christian as the beating is on. The Hardys take down the Dudleys for awhile until Edge and Christian bring in a ladder.

 

Edge grabs a chair and he and Christian stand on Matt’s balls in the corner. A double drop toehold by the Canadians puts Jeff into the chair. Edge tries to get the belts but Jeff makes the save. The Hardys get a double baseball slide into a ladder into the Dudleys on the floor. Using a pair of ladders, Matt drops a leg and Jeff drops a splash on Christian at the same time. Nice move.

 

There goes Matt’s shirt and there go the girls. What’s Up to Edge And now it’s table time. Edge is laid out on one so Bubba picks up Jeff and powerbombs him right through Edge and in turn the table. On the floor now and the Dudleys stack up two tables on top of two more tables for the big spot later in the match. Paul talks about Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville. Oh dear.

 

More ladders are brought in and in a spot that still makes me and the crowd breathe in, Bubba takes a ladder and just bashes Matt in the head with it. That has to hurt. All six guys go up at once and all six guys come crashing down almost at once with some hitting ropes, some hitting mat and some hitting ropes. Christian goes flying to the floor which looks AWESOME from the above the ring camera.

 

He sets up a table on the floor as Edge tries to go up. Spike Dudley who was injured by Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno, comes out and takes down Edge and hits a Dudley Dog to Christian through the table. Jeff goes up but it’s Rhyno out now for the save. Gee I wonder who will come out to help out the Hardys. Rhyno destroys everyone and here’s Lita.

 

She stops Edge from going up but gets caught in a gorilla press by Rhyno. Spike saves her and it’s a Litarana for Rhyno. Spike hits Rhyno with a chair and he falls into a ladder, sending Edge down. Dudleyville (Doomsday) Device to Rhyno and he’s finally down. Lita takes her top off (looking incredibly good in a black bra) but walks into a 3D. Chair shots by the Canadians take out the Dudleys and Edge wants the big ladder.

 

Jeff gets the large ladder though and hits a Swanton onto Rhyno and Spike who are both on tables. Spike takes the whole thing and Rhyno’s table doesn’t even break. That was ALL Spike. The big ladder is in the ring now and set up in the middle of the ring. Christian and D-Von go up but Matt moves the ladder under them (with a shout of HERE WE GO first) and they’re stuck hanging there.

 

After both fall, Jeff walks across the top of the three other ladders (kind of as the third one falls) to get to the titles. The big ladder is in the corner and Jeff goes up a regular one. The ladder is moved by Bubba and since Jeff’s feet were on it, Jeff goes swinging in the opposite direction, right into a spear by Edge from the super ladder, which is not only Edge’s Wrestlemania moment, but the moment that made him a star.

 

Back after about 5 replays with Bubba and Matt going up the big ladder. Rhyno shoves the ladder over and they go crashing through the four tables that were set up at ringside earlier. D-Von and Christian go up but Rhyno gets beneath Christian and climbs up with Christian on his shoulders, giving him the needed assist to win the titles again. Incredible match all around to say the least.


Rating: A+. These guys nearly killed each other. You can see that it’s miles better than last year because they knew what they were doing to a greater extent. That spear from Edge more or less ended Christian’s usefulness in the WWF as Edge began to get the singles push from here on out.

 

Either way, this match is great as it’s a total spot fest but it is still better than all of the MITB matches that would follow in its footsteps. If you’re bored here, go get a blood injection. The crowd ate this up and it just clicks all around as they somehow top the other matches they had which are also greats.

We got a lot more of that match and with a lot of time left, if the #1 match is what I think it is, we can fit almost all of it in.

We get a highlight reel of Austin saying WHAT. That’s a pretty great catchphrase for how big it was in 2001.

I was right about #1 too.

#1: No Way Out – Steve Austin vs. HHH

First fall is a regular match, second is street fight, third is cage. MASSIVE pop for Austin, but the crowd has been white hot all night. I’m surprised that this is in the middle of the card but you know it’s going to get some time. Maybe they want to do this so the crowd isn’t spent at the end? Naturally it’s a slugfest to start. Mudhole is stomped 30 seconds in. Big old AUSTIN chant as he dominates early on.

Modified hot shot to take down Austin though as this is fast paced for the most part. Pedigree is blocked into a DDT on the arm which I need to learn the name of. We head to the floor as Austin works the arm. This is a regular match but Austin ramming HHH’s arm into a post about 6 times is perfectly fine? HHH can’t do the Pedigree because of his arm, which is SELLING! Simply shaking your arm is passable, but having it prevent you from doing your moves is SELLING.

Thesz Press and Austin is dominant so far. HHH gets his foot up when Austin is coming off the ropes, but for once Austin actually has his arms up to look like he’s doing a move. I hate when people just jump into it for the sake of jumping into it. Neckbreaker takes HHH down but it doesn’t do much due to the weak arm.

HHH goes after the knee which is Austin’s weak point as well. He goes for the leg into the post thing but Austin counters and HHH and the nose of doom hit the post. Back to the knee as HHH takes over with a figure four. Austin gets out and does a nice move where he gets HHH n the mat and beats on him with his leg. Cooler than it sounds. Thesz Press and the elbow get two.

Everyone counters everything and we slug it out. HHH gets a kick to the knee and goes to the middle rope. He jumps into the boot though and Austin hits the Stunner for the completely clean pinfall.

No rest period between falls and we’re right back at it again. It’s a street fight now and we hit the floor. Austin’s knee is ok I guess as he hits some suplexes on the floor. Monitor connects with HHH’s head and apparently it’s broken. Naturally we head into the crowd and it’s all Austin. Back in the ring and Austin destroys HHH Rock-Style with a chair.

After nearly murdering HHH we head back to the floor where Austin finds a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire for no apparent reason. A low blows allows HHH to blast him in the face with it though and Austin is bleeding. HHH sets for the Pedigree on the table but Austin counters and sends him through the other table which EXPLODES. Awesome stuff so far if you can’t tell.

Back in the ring a bell shot (Austin brought it in earlier) gets two for HHH. This is a war with both guys hitting all these big shots out of desperation. Back to the neck with a neckbreaker onto the chair for two. Backdrop by Austin sends HHH free falling over the top. Cool looking drop. More weapons stuff on the floor but the intensity and selling is making it work.

You can barely hear Lawler here as his mic is messed up or something. HHH finds a sledgehammer and Lawler accuses JR for putting it there. Back in the ring again and a Stunner is blocked by a sledgehammer shot to Austin’s head. Pedigree follows that and thankfully that ties us up at 1-1. I would have rolled my eyes very heavily if Austin had kicked out of that.

The cage is lowered as we get a quick break. It’s been about 30 minutes so far and nothing but awesome. Austin is more or less dead and eats the cage again. HHH gets the barbed wire 2×4 and rips Austin’s face open a bit more with it. The sledgehammer and at least one chair are also in there with them. Make that two chairs, one of which saves Austin as he blasts HHH in the head with it.

HHH gets it in the face (I would have thought that would have been Stephanie but whatever) for a long time but gets a DDT out of desperation onto the chair but it only gets two. The crowd is a bit silent but it’s pretty clear that the fans know nothing is going to end without something huge. Austin comes back and goes OFF on HHH who just collapses face first out of the corner.

Game tries to bale but he Austin makes two saves, culminating with an old school slam off the top rope. Stunner is blocked but the Pedigree hits for TWO. The place erupts on the kickout and HHH is shocked. Another is blocked and HHH gets hit with a slingshot into the cage. Stunner hits and both guys are out. After the break Austin covers for two as this is awesome. HHH gets the hammer and Austin gets the 2×4. Both swing with everything they’ve got and connect, but HHH falls on Austin for the pin. I think I need a cigarette.

Rating: A+. Without question, this is awesome. Any of the three falls is great to say the least and the ending was perfect. Both guys are protected but not in a way that makes it look like they’re being protected. HHH got lucky and won it, as Lawler says that it’s not fair to say either guy really won. Just an absolute WAR with these two beating the living heck out of each other and making the crowd love every minute of it. With 40 minutes of these two beating each other to death, how is it not a perfect match?

Ten matches and absolutely nothing from Smackdown. Austin vs. Benoit can’t make the list? Well to be fair it was fan voted and I don’t think many people watched Smackdown back then.

Lawler and Cole wrap things up.

Overall Rating: A+. Look at the ratings I give this and tell me what you think I’m saying this is. A DVD of the full versions of these matches wouldn’t stay on the shelves long enough, although it would be roughly seven hours long if you included entrances. The impressive thing is they left off A TON of stuff. When three of the best ten matches are from Wrestlemania and they left some good stuff off that show too, you know it’s a great show. Anyway this is great and almost everything from 2001 is mentioned here. Check this show out, but have Youtube open to see the full versions of the matches.

2001 was a very important year for the WWF, but overall it’s looked back on as a year of lost opportunities. At the end of the day, Vince McMahon owned WCW and ECW and ran the biggest angle of all time inside of six months and botched it worse than anything has ever been botched. You could very easily call this the worst blunder in the history of wrestling and get very few arguments. That’s the legacy of 2001 and that’s a shame.

It’s a shame because as you can see here, there was some AMAZING wrestling in the year, possibly better than any other year. The whole feuds of Rock vs. Jericho, Benoit vs. Austin and Jericho vs. Austin are only touched on here and those matches alone were match of the year candidates. This was an excellent in ring year and you would have some great times going back and checking out these ten plus a lot more matches from the year. The problem is the blown chances overshadow that stuff and it brings the rest of the year down.

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On This Day: December 24, 2001 – Monday Night Raw: They Really Did This On Christmas Eve

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2001
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s Christmas Eve so of course we’re not live. We have a few weeks before HHH gets back so until thing we’re kind of in a holding pattern. Jericho is champion but given that they don’t even have an Undisputed Title belt for him, how serious can we take his reign so far? The show is in a bad stretch and it’s really only going to get worse in the next few years. Let’s get to it.

In case you didn’t see the link at the end of the last review, here’s the December 17, 2001 show which I had done already:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/12/27/monday-night-raw-december-17-2011-nuns-groceries-and-bingo/

We’ve got an eggnog match later so you can tell things aren’t that serious.

Then again we have Jericho vs. Rock for the title later so maybe things won’t be that bad.

Here’s the hometown hero in his old Miami jersey to open the show. It’s Rock if that wasn’t clear. Rock says he’s come back home and talks about the main event tonight against Jericho. Oh and the Hurricanes will win the Rose Bowl. I believe they did that actually. He asks for his book and is handed The Rock’s Night Before Christmas. The book is exactly what you would expect with the focus being on Rock vs. Jericho.

Before he can finish though, here’s Angle, thankfully with the classic version of his music instead of that bad remix. Angle accuses Santa of being a pervert for seeing you when you’re sleeping. He thinks Vince is better than Mr. Claus because Vince has made the main event tonight a triple threat match. Rock doesn’t really care. Somehow this segment took almost 12 minutes.

Vince is having a Christmas party with Patterson and Brisco as elves. Bubba is Santa which means Stacy as a sexy Mrs. Claus. Booker and the Big Bossman show up so it’s time to bust out the strippers. Booker officially has a contract now. Vince’s music is playing as this goes on.

Rikishi vs. Test

Rikishi pounds him down into the corner but Test avoids a charge and beats on Rikishi. A DDT puts Rikishi down for two and Test shoves the referee. The referee punches Test and it’s a DQ win for Rikishi. This was nothing.

Test pounds on the referee but Rikishi makes the save.

Trish, looking GREAT, shows up at Flair’s Christmas party. Torrie is Mrs. Claus and I think Tajiri is Santa. Big Show struts like Flair and Tajiri gives Torrie some very small lingerie. Albert and Edge try to make Kane laugh and Big Show does his Hogan impression which is still pretty good. Debra brings in cookies and says Austin is on the way. Well it’s not like anyone was watching this episode anyway.

Billy and Chuck give each other matching headbands. Taz talks to Bubba because Bubba has a good looking girl on his lap and that’s not Santa-like. Bubba: “You’re just mad because all my elves are taller than you.” That was a good line. Fink shows up and brings in Mae and Moolah as the new dancers.

Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Billy and Chuck aren’t quite gay yet but they’re inching towards it. The APA looks at each other and pound on Billy and Chuck from behind. Billy and Chuck double team Farrooq before Chuck gets some alone time with him. Chuck gets laid…..out by a DDT and it’s off to Bradshaw and Billy. It’s finishers a go-go and Chuck trips Bradshaw so Billy gets to be on top for the quick pin. That’s good as I was running out of sex jokes.

RVD is ticked off and looking for someone. After a break he goes into Jericho’s room but finds Lance Storm. I guess he got a job on Smackdown. They get in an argument and a match is made.

Show and Albert are in Kane masks talking to the Big Red Machine when Arn Anderson shows up with beer. Austin shows up too with even more beer. We get a live WHAT rendition as Austin reads off a Christmas list while sitting on Tajiri’s lap.

Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

It’s the Barely Legal rematch that no one was asking for. They brawl to start with both guys flying around and hitting kicks to the face for two. Not that it matters as we’re in a chinlock 45 seconds in. Van Dam kicks him down and hits the cartwheel moonsault for two. A superkick gets two for Storm but Van Dam backflips out of a belly to back superplex. Another kick sets up the Five Star for the pin. Another short match.

Test hits on Terri at Vince’s party. That goes nowhere so Paisley interviews Maven about Tough Enough 2. This goes nowhere until Booker yells at Maven, setting up a match later. Is it clear that it’s Christmas Eve and they’re not even trying? Mae is drunk.

Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson

It’s an eggnog match between the Mrs. Clauses. What are you expecting here? They fight by the pool of eggnog, they go in it, they do some “wrestling” and the referee falls in as well. Torrie wins in like two minutes.

Back to Vince’s party and Jericho shows up to complain about being put in a triple threat. Vince tries to soothe him but Stephanie returns, a mere FIVE WEEKS after being thrown out. She has a gift for Vince, which is a monogrammed money clip. Vince doesn’t seem to care and throws her out. She would be back full time in about three weeks.

European Title: Christian vs. The Hurricane

Christian is defending and takes a shot at the Miami Hurricanes which is appropriate in more ways than one. Christian charges at him to start and is immediately clotheslined to the floor. Hurricane hits a big dive to the floor as JR suggests Pat Patterson is a fairy and not an elf. Back in and Christian kicks Hurricane low to take over.

The fans chant the Hurricanes’ (the football team, not the masked dude) fight song as Christian knees Hurricane in the ribs for two. Hurricane hits a quick crossbody but can’t get much more after that. Molly offers a distraction and Hurricane comes back, hitting a Blockbuster for two. Christian throws him to the floor but ducks an attack from Hurricane which takes out Molly. Christian throws him back inside and hits the Unprettier to retain.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but when this is the first match that broke three minutes after over an hour of the show, it’s kind of hard to get into it. Also the ending here was really abrupt with Christian just hitting his finisher out of nowhere for the pin. The title meant nothing at this point and was ready to be retired, which wouldn’t come for almost a year.

Taz switches parties and causes a match to be made between Bubba and Tajiri for later. Austin plays the guitar for some entertainment.

Booker T vs. Maven

Booker has Bossman as a bodyguard in an angle I don’t remember at all. Maven is brand new here still so this isn’t going to be much in the ways of competition. Maven fires off some forearms to start followed by a few dropkicks, which was really the only move he could do well. Booker shrugs that off and kicks Maven down to take over. A superkick puts Maven down and there’s the Spinarooni. An Alabama Slam gets the pin for Booker. Total squash after the first 20 seconds.

Bubba Claus vs. Tajiri Claus

Oh….why not. Tajiri knocks him to the floor and hits an Asai Moonsault. The visuals here are pretty funny and JR says this would be a main event at any arena in the North Pole. I can live with nods to Monsoon. Back in the ring the Bubba Bomb takes Tajiri down and a low blow slows him down even more. The fans of course want tables but they have to settle for a splash/elbow drop from Bubba instead.

Tajiri has lost his hat and Bubba takes his own belt off to whip Tajiri a bit. Bubba misses the middle rope splash as is his custom, which likely had to do with him doing the stereotypical Japanese bow before jumping. The look on Bubba’s face is pretty great. A low dropkick gets two and Tajiri fires off some kicks to take over. He goes up but D-Von crotches him, letting Bubba hit a superplex for no cover. The Dudleys set up What’s Up but Taz runs out and crotches D-Von. The distraction lets Tajiri hit the Mist and the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin.

Rating: C. If you were looking for a serious match here, what is wrong with you? This was a fun match and I’m a Tajiri fan so I was digging this no matter what happened in it. On top of that, Bubba’s facials are are always great. Fun match here which is something this dull show needed badly.

Angle says he’ll strip Jericho of the title tonight. Mae Young: “DID SOMEONE SAYS STRIP???” You can figure the rest out for yourself.

We recap the Undertaker vs. the Hardys feud as the team is back together again after fighting for weeks.

Apparently Mae Young has stopped Vince’s party cold and she takes her pants off on stage. Austin comes in and beats up Vince and the Stooges. Patterson winds up looking up between Mae’s legs.

WWF World Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Rock

It’s a brawl to start with the heels double teaming Rock in the corner. Rock gets in a shot on Angle and avoids a save from Jericho. Angle suplexes Rock down and we head to the floor where the heels take turns ramming Rock into the table. Rock will have none of that and rams them into the table, only to get dropped onto the table chest first. A charging Angle is sent into the steps and Jericho is clotheslined down as Rock takes over again.

Back inside a spinwheel kick gets two for the champ but the Lionsault hits knees. Angle comes back in and pounds away on Rock, who backdrops Jericho to the floor. A Samoan Drop puts Angle down for two but Jericho makes the save. Rock hits a double clothesline to put both guys down but he can’t follow up. The Great One gets up first and punches both guys time after time to fire up the crowd.

Angle finally gets in a shot to the back but Rock whips Kurt into Jericho on the apron. Rock drops a leg on Angle and puts on the Scorpion. Jericho tries to make a save but walks into the spinebuster and the Elbow for two. Angle puts the ankle lock on Rock but Jericho dropkicks Kurt to break it up, starting a fight between the two. The American hits a German on the Canadian but Jericho rolls through into the Walls.

Angle escapes and puts on the ankle lock, only to have Rock take his head off. Jericho’s forearm hits the referee and Rock puts the champ in the Walls, making him tap to no referee. The hold is released and Angle clocks Jericho with a chair by mistake. Rock Bottom takes Angle down but there’s STILL no referee. Angle DDT’s Rock on the chair but Jericho steals the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a good match but the problem with it is that there was no way the title was changing tonight. This would have torn the roof off the place at a house show and the live crowd was probably getting into things, but at the end of the day there was no chance Rock was winning the title here and I think most of the people knew it.

Overall Rating: D. Nothing to see here other than a main event which is just above average at best. Other than that, this is a throwaway show if there ever has been one. Then again, it’s Christmas Eve so it’s not like anyone was watching. I don’t think I watched this one live which says a lot for me. Nothing to see here and next week is a Best of 2001 show which won’t offer much, meaning this is pretty much the end of the year.

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Monday Nitro – July 27, 1998: I Want To Buy The Crowd A Drink

Monday Nitro #147
Date: July 27, 1998
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 19,109
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

We’re getting closer to Road Wild and nothing has been announced as of yet. It’s clear that Jay Leno is going to be involved in some way, even if the fans don’t seem that thrilled by the idea. Unfortunately that means we’re probably going to see another NWO talk show because wasting ten minutes of their only major TV show of the week on a segment to set up a match with a talk show host is fine in WCW. It may have made money at Road Wild, but it’s making for some very dull television. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Hall and Nash fighting last week which led to a Wolfpack vs. Black and White brawl, which led to Sting and Nash losing the tag titles to Hall/Giant. There’s also a clip of Bret beating DDP for the vacant US Title.

We get a voiceover (sounds like Scott Hudson) recapping last week, which is pretty much what we got in the first video.

Nitro Girls in white cowboy hats. I could get used to this.

Tony promises us something that will be among the biggest moments in the history of our sport: Goldberg is going to talk.

Here’s the Black and White minus Hogan, Bret and Bischoff, probably with a lot to say. The announcers are already talking about Jay Leno non-stop. Hall thinks Nitro being in San Antonio is just too sweet, much like the new tag team champions. He’s going to be sick if he has to keep hearing about Nash being upset, so how about we have a big NWO vs. NWO match at Road Wild?

Brian Adams tells the fans to shut up and recognize how awesome the Black and White really is. He tells us about being in Japan and hearing about Goldberg’s fluke win over Hollywood Hogan. Adams got on a plane and begged Hogan to let him prove that Goldberg is a fluke. Therefore, Adams is getting a title shot tonight which hopefully lasts about 18 seconds.

We get clips from Bischoff’s talk show last week.

Back from a break with the Flock in the ring and Raven talking about how things were supposed to be different than it was in high school. He’s still despised and attacked by people like Saturn and Kanyon though. You know, part of society’s norms. This brings out Saturn who is sick of hearing Raven cry. If Raven wants to cry, stand up so Saturn can give him something to be upset over. Kanyon runs out to get a piece of Saturn but gets suplexed down. Saturn picks Raven up for the Death Valley Driver but gets caught in a Flatliner from Kanyon. It’s not clear if Kanyon meant to save Raven or not.

Barbarian vs. Jim Duggan

Duggan chants USA a lot before clotheslining Barbarian out to the floor. Back in and a double ax handle drops Barbarian again but he gets a boot up to stop a jogging Duggan. Jim comes back with right hands in the corner to little effect but he has to deal with Jimmy Hart. Barbarian kicks Hart by mistake, allowing Duggan to grab a rollup for the fast pin.

Post match Hugh Morrus jumps Duggan but Meng comes in to beat up Morrus. Duggan gets the board to clean house and offers Meng a handshake, getting a Tongan Death Grip in return.

Bischoff’s house band is warming up.

There’s another horrible looking car in front of a star parking spot outside.

It’s time for NWO Night Cap and the keyboard player now has NWO glasses. Eric shakes hands with his fans ala Leno as we’re already two minutes into this. Joke topics tonight include Japanese Viagara, Monica Lewinsky, Jay Leno’s chin, bikers, Steve Urkel being NWO Black and White, the chin again, Leno not being funny, and growing sheep bladders in a lab.

Oh and now we get a COMEDY SEGMENT. It’s Headlines, which is showing various accidental puns in newspapers. The fans are booing this out of the building. Remember, they paid for a ticket to sit through this segment. Even Liz in a dress isn’t enough to save this but it keeps going anyway.

Now we get our special guest: Hollywood Hogan. Hollywood talks about how Bischoff is dominating late night and gives a birthday shout out to Nitro Nick. Bischoff shows us a clip from the real Tonight Show with band leader Kevin Eubanks talking about Bischoff making fun of Leno in a badly scripted conversation. We get a clip in the clip of the original Night Cap, which are the same clips we saw earlier tonight.

Leno makes fun of Hogan’s beard and says he’s seen better wrestling on Jerry Springer. Jay makes jokes about Hogan’s age and need for Viagara before we go back to an annoyed Hogan and Bischoff. Hogan says Leno’s lawyer should plead insanity for Leno because Jay has gone way over the line. He gives Leno one more chance to back off or Hogan is going to come to the Tonight Show and shut him up. Bischoff promises to show what happened when Karl Malone stepped into Hogan’s world. We’re FINALLY done after nearly seventeen minutes spent on this segment. I’d love to see the quarter hour ratings for this show.

More Nitro Girls with Fyre stripping off a suit in a solo routine.

Nitro Party video.

Time for more talking with Gene bringing out a limping DDP for a chat. Gene says Page put the title on the line last week even though he was injured. Page says it was Hogan that attacked him last week because he’s scum. Hogan shouldn’t hunt what he can’t kill, because Page’s mission is to now eliminate Hollywood from the wrestling world. Hogan can keep running, but one day he’ll feel the BANG.

Nice recap of Malenko vs. Jericho, setting up tonight’s last chance match for Malenko.

Tony hypes up the Goldberg interview again but the Black and White has something to say. Dusty Rhodes is back and heads over to the announcers’ table with Hall and Norton. Hall says if Nash doesn’t want a fight, how about sending Sting out to face him later? Dusty goes on a rant against Larry for talking too much trash about the NWO. Therefore, Larry is under a gag order tonight, meaning Dusty gives Tony an actual gag.

Scott Norton vs. Jim Neidhart

Norton no sells some forearms and powerbombs Neidhart for the pin in 15 seconds. I’d assume Norton will be Goldberg’s supper one day soon. Neidhart is already walking to the back before Norton is out of the ring. That’s some pretty poor selling.

Video on Goldberg.

The interview is hyped up again.

We go to the back for the back for Goldberg’s walk to the ring but he doesn’t come out. Doug Dillinger comes in and sees NWO graffiti all over the walls and the room ransacked. Goldberg is nowhere in sight.

Hour #2 begins at about 9:15.

Here’s Bret Hart for even more talking. He talks about how wrestling has become full of pimps and thieves and somewhere he doesn’t want to be, until now. Bret doesn’t want to hear about Page’s injuries because Page got in the ring last week. There’s one more person that he needs to address from last week and that’s Sting. Bret has a lot of respect for Sting and especially likes his taste in moves. There’s one thing that is least Sting down the wrong road and that’s all these people out there. Bret is Sting’s friend and will show him the right way.

Crusierweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending and this is Dean’s last chance at the title. Jericho dropkicks Dean out to the floor to start and sends him into the barricade to take an early advantage. Back in and Chris tries a top rope dropkick but dives into a dropkick from Malenko. Dean goes up again for a sunset flip but Jericho rolls through into the Liontamer. Malenko is quickly into the ropes and rolls out to the floor for a breather. Jericho hits a nice dive to take him out and we go to a break.

Back with Jericho kicking Malenko into the ropes but Dean takes over with a leg lariat. Malenko ducks a victory roll attempt and German suplexes Chris down for two. Jericho comes right back with a reverse suplex and the Lionsault to Dean’s back for two. The fans are into this match. A release double underhook powerbomb sets up the Cloverleaf but Jericho is too close to the ropes.

Malenko gets crotched on the top but he counters Jericho’s superplex into a DDT off the top for three but the referee waves it off because Jericho had the rope. Chris rolls to the floor and pulls out a foreign object but Dean stomps him down in the corner before Jericho can swing. The referee gets poked in the eyes and Dean takes the knucks away. He knocks Jericho out as the referee clears his eyes out, drawing the DQ.

Rating: C+. Really fast paced match here though the ending is kind of puzzling. Why would you have Malenko get beaten/screwed out of the title every single time, only to have him lose the final match? Jericho has dominated the feud as far as being the better character, but shouldn’t Malenko have gotten to keep the title at least once?

Gene swears that we’ll get the Goldberg interview soon. Apparently Goldberg is fine and in the locker room.

The Nitro Girls are in the crowd.

Long video on Road Wild, focusing on country singer Travis Tritt performing. Again with the celebrities.

Steve McMichael vs. Curt Hennig

McMichael throws Hennig around to start but Curt snaps McMichael’s throat across the top rope. Mongo comes back with a powerslam but a Rude distraction lets Hennig hit the PerfectPlex for the win. Another 90 second match.

We look at another clip from the Tonight Show with Leno bringing out a Hollywood Hogan impersonator who is too old to move.

Cue the Black and White to talk even more. Bischoff promises to fire whoever showed that Leno clip. Hogan says he’ll give Page a huge beating to make up for all the bad things he’s been saying lately. He’s also ready to ride Page real hard all night long. There’s a sex tape joke in there somewhere. Hogan accepts the challenge for a match with Page tonight.

Before that though, here’s the ENTIRE main event from Bash at the Beach. The match plus intros eats up nearly half an hour, including a few commercial breaks. I’m just going to copy and paste this from the Bash at the Beach review.

Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone vs. Dennis Rodman/Hollywood Hogan

Page and Malone have matching attire, which look like they jumped into a vat of hot glue with their jeans on. They come out to some hip hop song that keeps saying “feel the bang.” Malone looks like he’s been carved out of granite while Rodman is in a t-shirt and jeans. The basketball players get us going but first Hogan has to take off Rodman’s glasses. Rodman runs to the ropes to hide and the fans are all over him. That works so well that they do it a second time. A test of strength doesn’t happen as we hit two minutes into the match.

Rodman grabs a headlock but bails to the floor when Malone charges at him. Off to Hogan for a posedown with Hollywood getting frustrated. Malone hooks a kind of standing chinlock (imagine a left arm Rock Bottom but he clasps his hands together and squeezes) before slamming Hogan down. We’re five minutes in now and it’s off to Page. DDP gets Rodman and shoves him down off a lockup. A shoulder puts Rodman down again as the stalling continues. They spit at each other and Rodman armdrags him down. Somehow we’re seven minutes into this match.

They hit the ropes a bit and collide to send both guys down. Back to the headlock by Rodman but Page reverses into one of his own. The fans are clearly getting restless. Rodman leapfrogs Page twice and they collide again to give us more laying down. Malone comes in and kicks at Rodman, sending him over to Hogan for the tag. Karl hooks a top wristlock and shoves Hogan to the mat. Hogan complains of a hair pull and Rodman gets in a cheap shot to get to the whole tag match idea for the first time.

Hogan chokes a lot and slams Malone down before raking the boot over Malone’s eyes. Rodman comes in with some elbow drops before it’s back to Hogan for a chinlock. Here’s Rodman again for some double teaming and a belly to back suplex from Hogan. Hollywood misses an elbow though and it’s hot tag to Page. DDP comes in with a top rope clothesline to Hogan but a cheap shot from Rodman lets the NWO take over again. Hogan chokes away in the corner with his boot followed by a running clothesline.

Rodman comes in for a double big boot and more choking before it’s back to Hogan for right hands in the corner. Page hits a quick elbow but Rodman breaks up the tag attempt and puts on a front facelock. Malone plays cheerleader on the apron and we get the unseen and phantom tag tropes to space the match out even more. The big boot puts Page down but he avoids the legdrop and it’s hot tag off to Malone.

Clotheslines all around put the NWO down and they both get slams. There’s a double noggin knocker followed by Hogan’s head going into the buckle. A big boot drops Hogan and it’s off to Page for a running Diamond Cutter (Hogan landed on his hands, making the move look horrible). Malone Diamond Cuts Rodman but Disciple sneaks in with a Stunner to Page, giving Hogan the pin and a face pop for some reason.

Rating: F. This was about what you knew it was going to be, though it could have been FAR worse. Malone was clearly taking this seriously which is more than you can say for most celebrities in matches. Rodman looked like your usual celebrity wrestler: decent at the one or two really basic moves he used but pretty worthless otherwise. I’ve read before that this was originally booked to go nearly an hour, which makes me shiver in fear. I guess Hogan needed this win as a thank you for the mainstream attention he brought in?

Malone gives Disciple and the referee Diamond Cutters (good ones too) and the NWO celebrates like this is a big deal.

More Leno footage, this time with a Hogan midget.

Hour #3 begins, again about 15 minutes late.

Now it’s time for the Goldberg interview after stringing the TV audience along for an extra hour. Goldberg has been watching what Hogan has been trying to do around here. What they did tonight crossed a line, so he’s going to make Brian Adams an example. This was about 45 seconds long.

Here’s Arn Anderson for what could be a good interview for a change. Gene talks about Anderson’s talk with McMichael and Malenko on Thunder a few weeks back and wants to know why he was so hard on them. Anderson says the three of them tried very hard to make it personal with him and it almost worked. Tonight he was going to gauge the mood to see if the Horsemen had one more run. Then he saw Dean lose to a man that he’s better than and Mongo have a match with the man that brought down the Horsemen in the first place, only to get beaten too. That’s enough for him, so now he’s telling them to drop it.

Sting vs. Scott Hall

Sting starts while the ring is still full of smoke from the entrances, taking Hall down with a bulldog. Scott is sent out to the floor for a breather before coming back in with a toothpick to the face. Some right hands set up the fallaway slam for two but Sting shrugs them off and hits three straight Stinger Splashes. There’s the Death Drop to set up the Scorpion but here’s Bret Hart to distract Sting. He doesn’t fight back as Sting beats on him but Hennig and Vincent come in for the DQ. Too short to rate again but this was angle instead of wrestling.

Luger and Nash come out for the save as Bret still hasn’t gotten physical at all. Nash loads up the Jackknife on Hall but gets hit low. Bret tries to help Sting up but gets kicked low as well. Bret bails to the floor to escape the Scorpion. Hart never attacked Sting at all.

We look at Buff Bagwell suckering Rick Steiner in, only to turn heel again, wasting some of the most natural sympathy WCW ever had at its fingertips.

Scott Steiner shoves Buff down the ramp in a wheelchair and freaks out because Bagwell is hurt. Buff gets to his feet and dances, annoying Gene even more. Bagwell talks about how serious his neck injury was and Scott praises him for the great acting jobs over the last few weeks. Steiner promises to beat up Rick at Road Wild until JJ comes out to yell at Bagwell. Steiner gets a piece too, with promises of a match against Rick. Scott doesn’t seem too scared.

WCW World Title: Brian Adams vs. Goldberg

Vincent distracts Goldberg to start, allowing Adams to hit a top rope shoulder block and a suplex for two. Goldberg hits a belly to belly suplex, three spears (Adams, Vincent, Adams) and the Jackhammer makes it 121-0.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Hollywood Hogan

This could have headlined a PPV. We get a music miscue as Hogan’s music starts before Buffer does his intro in both English and Spanish. Hogan jumps him at the entrances as Tenay talks about Page hosting a charity event for school kids in Atlanta. Nothing wrong with that. Page comes back with right hands and some choking in the corner as we’re just waiting on the run ins.

Hogan suplexes Page and pounds away with right hands to the head. A clothesline gets two on Page but misses an elbow drop. Page tries to clothesline Hogan to the floor but Hollywood is all like “that’s WAY too big a spot for me brother.” They fight to the floor and Page has to fight off Disciple. Back in and Hogan hits the corner clothesline, setting up the big boot. Page gets up anyway and grabs the Diamond Cutter, drawing in the NWO for the DQ. Too short to rate (shocking!) but Page was trying.

All of the NWO comes out for a big brawl. Goldberg comes to the ring and beats up the Black and White, only to walk into a chokeslam from Giant to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. And that’s being generous. This show was three hours and had seven new matches. Of those seven, ONE was long enough to rate, clocking in at less than six minutes. They spent about 45 minutes (approximately the amount of show time in an hour of programming) on a talk show segment and re-airing a match from PPV. I feel sorry for the San Antonio crowd tonight as they got ripped off tonight.

On top of being really short, how many of these matches meant anything at all? You had two worthless matches, then a good cruiserweight match, a match to advance the Horsemen angle, a match to set up a post match brawl, Goldberg being Goldberg, and a match to set up the post match brawl. Even Raw is better at using its time than that.

Finally there’s the Leno stuff. I understand the idea behind bringing in celebrities, but let’s think about this for a minute. Last month the celebrities were one of the best linebackers of all time, one of the craziest athletes ever and an NBA player at the peak of his career. This month it’s a 48 year old comedian most famous for having a large chin. It wasn’t unreasonable to think that Malone could be passable in the ring due to his athletic abilities.

What else could the Leno match be but bad comedy? It’s bad comedy setting up bad comedy. Yeah it appeals to the middle aged audience that loved the Tonight Show, but how many of them are going to pay $30 to watch Leno do physical comedy? On top of that, we haven’t even had the match announced yet and next week is the go home show for Road Wild. Not only is it a bad idea, but it’s being poorly marketed.

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 30, 2004: Total Divas Wish They Were Like This

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 30, 2004
Location: Cow Palace, San Francisco, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was a request from a long time ago and I have no idea why anyone wanted to see it. We’re just past Summerslam 2004, meaning Orton is the world champion, having beaten Benoit at Summerslam, only to be thrown out of Evolution the next night. We’re coming up on Unforgiven where HHH would make it VERY clear who ruled Raw and Heaven help anyone that thought otherwise. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory Of graphic for Marcin Makulski, a graphics designer for WWE who died either that day or over the weekend.

The opening video shows HHH throwing Orton out of Evolution and Orton spitting in his face.

Here’s Evolution for their weekly ten minute chat. HHH says this unit exists because he invented it. It’s his blood, sweat and heart that makes the team what it is today. Just ask Ric Flair, who was down in the dumps before HHH saved him. Batista had no direction or guidance until HHH showed him the way. Dude just say you think you’re Jesus already. That brings HHH to Orton who was supposed to be the pet project. No one cared if Orton lived or died until HHH got hold of him. HHH wasn’t done with him yet, but Orton spat in his face. That’s how he repays HHH?

This brings out Orton who stands next to what appear to be three covered up pictures. Orton tells HHH to call him champ instead of Randy in a nice line. HHH is right: he gave Orton a chance to make a name for himself and HHH should be thanked for that. HHH got something out of it as well though, which leads to the first picture being revealed: a group shot of Evolution with HHH front and center. The team was never about the past, present and future, but only about protecting HHH.

The Game goes into a tirade on how Evolution is all about him because he made it. Orton is one to talk about protection because the three of them protected him for over a year. Randy reveals picture #2: him pinning Chris Benoit all by himself, something HHH could never do.

The third picture is Orton spitting in HHH’s face, making Trips even angrier than before. Orton is ready to fight if HHH wants a piece, but we’re not waiting for Unforgiven. Randy takes off his shirt, but realizes it would be 3-1. He goes over to the third picture and pulls out a sledgehammer. HHH ducks a swing that would have killed him and bails into the crowd, leaving Orton to pose in the ring. Good ending to the segment but it didn’t need to take fifteen minutes.

After a break Bischoff is yelling at Orton for swinging the hammer. As a punishment, Orton is thrown out of the building. Did I mention HHH is facing Eugene later tonight? Orton drops the hammer on Bischoff’s foot.

We recap Rock making a shocking appearance last week to beat up La Resistance with a slight assist from Rhyno and Tajiri.

Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Resistance/Coach

Rob Conway (who, as of this writing on December 17, 2013, is the NWA World Champion of all people) pounds on Rhyno to start before it’s off to Sylvan Grenier for some neck cranking. The French Canadian tag champions hold Rhyno for a slip from Coach for two as this is already boring. Back to Grenier for a chinlock until Rhyno fights up and makes his comeback with clotheslines. Tajiri keeps getting kicked off the apron to keep him out as Rhyno Gores Coach down. Rhyno walks into Au Revoir (spinning suplex/side slam combo) for the pin.

Rating: D-. Oh my goodness how bad was the tag division at this point? I’m assuming Tajiri was injured or something here as he never came in at all. The match was really dull stuff with La Resistance being one of the least interesting multiple time champions ever and having no opponents of note at all. Terribly uninteresting match.

Papa Roach is here.

We recap Kane and Lita’s wedding which saw a failed run-in from Matt Hardy to try to save the reluctant Lita. Kane’s white tuxedo does rather rule.

Kane tells someone off screen to not come out until he tells them to. It’s not Lita.

Eugene tells Regal about how much he loves baseball and gets on Regal’s nerves. Regal doesn’t want Eugene to come out there for Regal’s match with Batista.

William Regal vs. Batista

Regal beat Flair last week with the help of the brass knuckles to set this up. Batista takes Regal into the corner to start and shrugs off a shoulder block attempt. Some knees and elbows have Regal in more trouble but he avoids a charge into the corner and gets a nice suplex on Big Dave. The knee trembler gets two but Regal walks into the spinebuster. Batista goes outside to get a chair but it’s just a distraction so Flair can get in a brass knuckle shot to Regal’s ribs. Batista’s running clothesline (the Batista Bomb was still coming) is good for the pin. Just a squash to wrap up some ends from last week.

Smackdown Your Vote: Republican version. This was a voting drive kind of deal the company did for both parties to get 18-30 year olds involved in politics. Shawn, Ivory and Linda McMahon are representing here.

Here’s Stacy to emcee the Diva Search segment. The Diva Search was exactly what it sounds like and basically filled in the Diva division for about five years. We get the five finalists (Christy Hemme, Carmella Descarse, Joy Giovanni, Maria Kinellis and Amy Weber, all of whom were hired) in swimsuits. Maria gets eliminated despite being arguably the most famous of the final five. She flips Carmella off on the way out and gets the only pop of the segment.

All four of the remaining finalists get thirty seconds to insult the other girls. Joy feels Amy up, spanks Christy and says Carmella has a big mouth. Amy tells Joy to learn how to lick a pie, Christy to settle down and that Carmella knows “S*** about wrestling and that having a c*** in your a** has nothing to do with wrestling.” MAN this was a different era.

Carmella makes fun of Amy for being rejected for Playboy, calls Joy fat and hopes Christy wins if she doesn’t. Christy says don’t mess with fire because she’ll get burned. Amy has fat lips and Carmella enjoys swallowing male bodily fluids in a gutter. Christy does the splits and that’s it. Christy would wind up winning this, even though the most successful of all the girls in the Search had been eliminated weeks ago: Michelle McCool. To say this was extreme compared to the Bellas and Total Divas is an understatement.

Trish Stratus and Tyson Tomko make fun of Lita in the back. Kane gets in Tomko’s face to stand up for his wife but winds up laughing with them. Another sign of the times: Kane has six pack abs.

Here are Kane and Lita for Lita’s wedding present. After mentioning an open contract for Unforgiven, Kane thanks her for giving his unborn child a womb to grow in and has a surprise for her as a reward. Matt isn’t here tonight but Kane has flown in his family. The fans go nuts at the thought of Jeff Hardy returning but instead it’s a bunch of random guys, including Pat Hardy, Nat Hardy, Rat Hardy and a 400lb Samoan named Fat Hardy. Kane destroys all of them and chokeslams Rat for a pin since that apparently that was a match.

Kane raises his arms for the fire but Lita says hang on a second because she has a surprise for him too. See, they’re married now and can sign legal documents for each other, such as that open contract. Kane laughs it off because Matt Hardy won’t be able to fight by Unforgiven. Lita is aware of this, which is why she signed Kane to face Shawn Michaels. Kane injured Shawn a few weeks ago, even though he was fine for the voting thing about fifteen minutes ago.

Ric Flair vs. Chris Benoit

This should be good. Flair is checked for brass knuckles and the referee actually finds some in his knee pad. Ric takes him into the corner to start but Benoit fights out with chops and a bad looking backdrop. A quick Crossface attempt doesn’t work as Flair makes the rope and we go outside for more chopping. Back in and Flair Flops face first on the mat but comes back with a quick chop block.

Ric fires away with chops and kicks at the knee in the corner before doing what was supposed to be a strut. There’s a half crab of all things on Benoit as Flair needs a breather. They chop it out again until Benoit enziguris him down. Benoit misses the Swan Dive but rolls the Germans anyway. A Sharpshooter almost makes Flair tap but Batista comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This is one of those matches that would have been better five years ago with an extra fifteen minutes but at this point it was a shell of what it should have been. Benoit didn’t look like his usual self here but the German suplexes looked great. Flair was starting to slip out there and it was on the verge of getting sad.

Batista powerbombs Benoit.

Here’s Jericho for the Highlight Reel with special guest Edge. We get a clip from Jericho challenging Edge for the IC Title and getting dropped throat first on the top rope to retain Edge’s title. It may or may not have been intentional, but Jericho wants a rematch at Unforgiven. Edge comes out on crutches but Jericho doesn’t seem convinced. The champion says he tore his groin over the weekend and claims that he doesn’t need to get disqualified to keep his title.

Jericho talks about Edge getting booed out of Toronto at Summerslam and starts a Y2J chant here in San Francisco. Edge calls the fans puppets and says Jericho can win the popularity contests because he’ll keep winning the matches. Jericho questions the need for Edge’s crutches and thinks as soon as he turns his back, Edge will bash him over the head. Edge says he has the MRI to prove that he’s injured and promises Jericho the first title shot when he’s healed. The champion goes to leave when Christian returns to jump Jericho. Edge looks confused as Christian whips Jericho with a belt.

Trish Stratus/Gail Kim vs. Nidia/Victoria

This is Trish’s first match since June even though she never lost the title. Trish and Nidia get things going but Trish gets in a cheap shot to Victoria on the apron. Nidia is easily taken down and kicked in the ribs by the evil Stratus before it’s off to Gail. Kim puts on a freaky looking armbar with her leg wrapped around Nidia’s neck but lets it go a few seconds later. We get the unseen tag as Nidia fights to Victoria but Trish had the referee. Lucky guy.

The tag goes through a few seconds later anyway and Victoria cleans house, getting two on Gail off the spinning side slam. Victoria can’t hit a big boot and has the Widow’s Peak countered, allowing Gail to put on a modified Sharpshooter. Before Victoria can tap a mystery woman falls down the ramp, distracting Gail enough for Victoria to get a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C+. Gail looked great in her white shorts and evil Trish is one of the hottest things you’ll ever see in wrestling. You add some awesome looking holds from Kim and I can almost forgive the mystery woman (Steven Richards in drag for no apparent reason) being such a stupid ending.

Smackdown ReBound shows Eddie destroying Angle’s car, which wound up being Teddy Long’s. Angle was behind it and gets a 2/3 falls match against Eddie. That was such an awesome feud. Eddie vs. Angle, not Teddy. We also see Orlando Jordan defending the world title against Undertaker in place of an injured JBL. Layfield saved the title while wearing his AWESOME neck halo with his cowboy hat on top.

A sore footed Bischoff makes Orton vs. Kane for next week.

We run down the Unforgiven card.

HHH vs. Eugene

No DQ. Eugene comes out in a poorly buttoned San Francisco Giants jersey to suck up to the crowd. You would think he would get how serious this was after HHH beat him up at Summerslam. HHH jumps him again here but Eugene comes back with headlocks and something resembling an AA. Back up and Eugene gets two off a backslide before heading right back to the headlock. HHH comes back with a stiff right hand and a low blow to take over.

Eugene is thrown over the top rope, injuring his arm in the process. HHH of course pounds away on the injured slow guy because he can be a good heel when he tries. No sarcasm in that if you’re looking for any. Back in and Eugene walks into a spinebuster followed by the knee drop so HHH can strut around a bit more. Eugene gets rammed into the buckles but it’s Hulk Up time. He slugs HHH down and hits a top rope ax handle for two followed by an old school thumb to the eye.

A Rock Bottom looks to set up a Stunner but HHH grabs a sleeper. HHH: “ROCK A BYE BABY EUGENE!” Eugene is almost out but HHH lets go before the third arm drop. It didn’t work for Adrian Adonis back in 87 but at least HHH follows up with a Pedigree. HHH lets him up again and pulls out the hammer, only to have Orton (in wrestling gear after wearing a suit earlier for no apparent reason) to take the hammer away. A shot to the ribs and an RKO put HHH down and Orton puts Eugene on top for what is supposed to be some huge moment.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Anyone who has watched wrestling for more than five minutes in their lives knew that Orton was going to cost HHH the match, but it’s not like this really means anything. It doesn’t help when Eugene didn’t move for the last five minutes of the show after a sleeper and a Pedigree.

Overall Rating: D. It’s easy to see why Batista and Cena needed to rise up very soon. This was just boring for the most part, but Orton looked like a star in the making. That’s the perfect explanation for why he lost the title to HHH at the PPV and wouldn’t win another world title for over three years. HHH crippled that push so hard it’s almost unfathomable, but at least HHH got to get the title back after letting other people have it for a full five months. Boring show, as expected from this time period.

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On This Day: December 9, 2001 – Vengeance 2001: Unification

Vengeance 2001
Date: December 9, 2001
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 11,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The first one here is kind of huge as we unify the WWF and WCW World Titles. I’ve spent months if not years trying to figure out why this is at Vengeance and not like a month later at the Rumble. The idea is that HHH was supposed to be the first Undisputed Champion but wasn’t ready yet. But he was back at the Rumble so why didn’t they just do it there? Or at Mania for that matter?

Either way, it’s more or less a small tournament with Austin vs. Angle for the WWF Title and Rock vs. Jericho for the WCW Title, then the winners fight. Austin and Rock are Austin and Rock, Angle kept beating Austin and Jericho was the best in the world at the time. Other than that, there’s nothing of note on the card. Let’s get to it.

We open with this weird old silent movie that allegedly was made by Freddie Blassie about having only one champion. It’s freaky to put it mildly. Seriously, this is disturbing. Sinner is a good song once we get to the arena at least.

And here’s Vince. Apparently on Thursday, Vince got his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. Good to know. We’re in the full fledged WHAT stage at the moment too so that’s getting old quickly. Vince is upset that the fans laughed at it like it was some kind of comedy skit. A man that walks with his chest out like a girl trying to make sure you notice her had his head shoved into the back of a thong-wearing street dancing sumo wrestler and Vince is mad that it’s being treated like a comedy skit.

The whole idea of Vince at times is one of the funniest things in the world. He says “he who laughs last laughs best”. And here’s Flair who owns half of the company at the moment. Why do I feel like I’m watching Impact? Flair looks like an idiot. Yeah it’s Impact. We’re pushing ten minutes into the show and the youngest guy so far has been Vince McMahon. Flair starts a match.

Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian/Test

GO BACK TO THE OLD GUYS! Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at the moment. Egads. They aren’t the Unamericans yet. And the Heat match was the APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Why can’t we see that instead? You know these reviews aren’t really as angry as they used to be. Granted that could be because these shows are far less insulting to my intelligence. They may be weaker shows but they’re competent at least which is more than a lot of shows give you.

Christian is European Champion at the time. Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at this point. Take me now. And remember people: this guy was INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. He was one of those guys that always seemed like was on the verge of a big push but it never happened. Lawler makes some bad jokes about potential names for the faces. He’s just making this more painful if that’s somehow possible. Wow it’s weird seeing Teddy Long as a worthless referee.

Far more used to him being a useless GM. Scotty and Test work the majority of this match for reasons that completely elude me. Oh look it’s Albert vs. Christian rather than Test vs. Albert, as in you know, FORMER TAG PARTNERS FIGHTING. I guess that would make too much sense. We get a Giant Swing and a Don Leo Jonathan reference. Wow indeed. Albert just massacres both heels.

With some tweeking to his gimmick, he could have been passable. And now Christian does the Worm. We get a surprisingly decent sequence as Scotty is down. And of course we get the Worm. These kinds of moves are just stupid. A simple bulldog keeps Test down for about 20 seconds which it takes for the setup for it? See why that’s idiotic? Baldo Bomb, a two handed chokeslam into a powerbomb, ends it. It actually got a pop.

Rating: D. Just…why? What in the world was the point of having this match on PPV? This was something that belonged on Velocity or Heat or something like that. It was as generic as you could ask a match to be also. This was just a head scratcher and not that good.

Regal cuts a decent promo on Edge. Now bad at all.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

So Edge at this time is getting a massive push as he goes from a tag team star to more or less the top of the midcard in less than six months. Think of him like what the Miz has been doing for the last year or so, but even faster. He was as popular as ever and allegedly was going to win the Raw World Title at the next Survivor Series in the debut of the Elimination Chamber but Shawn and HHH decided Shawn should more or less come in off the streets and beat HHH, Jericho, Booker T, RVD and Kane instead.

Edge has been laughing at Regal for a long time to set this up. Great heat on Regal. More or less the British guy is just doing very bad things to Edge with all kinds of ridiculous strikes and basic stuff. Edge busts out a hurricanrana of all things. Before he hurt his neck, he was a completely different worker. Check out his 2002 stuff and you’ll be very impressed. Edge goes for a spear on the floor and hits the steps, allowing Regal to get some brass knuckles.

That was his big thing at the time and it was a very solid heel tactic to use. He throws out back to back Tiger Drivers in a surprising sequence. Not sure why it’s surprising but that’s the first thing that came to mind. Regal goes for the brass knuckles but takes a spear for Edge to get a quick pin. Regal made that match for the most part.

Rating: D+. This just missed for me. It’s not terrible or anything, but at the same time it just felt like there wasn’t much here. Regal more or less dominated but took a quick spear to get pinned. Not sure how much I like that at all. Still though, the crowd was really into this which helped it a lot. Again, not terrible but not very good at all.

Flair is on the phone and Angle comes in. He’s a 14 time champion here so somewhere he picked up two more. I guess they gave him two more NWA reigns somewhere.

Lita, the guest referee for the next match, is stretching. Matt comes in and says he’s sorry for dragging Lita into this. Lita with straight hair is freaking delicious looking. She’s going to call it right down the middle.

We recap the Hardys’ rise to this point. Cool memories if nothing else. They’re fighting because Jeff has been costing them a bunch of stuff lately, namely because he keeps trying high spots rather than winning matches.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Lita is guest referee here of course. Dang she looked great back then. Jeff has that stupid hat on like he used to wear back then for no explained reason. The fans like Lita more than anyone else. I can’t blame them as this was just a few steps ahead of Cryme Tyme exploding. This works SO much better as face vs. face rather than face vs. heel like they were trying to do last year at Mania.

The psychology is here too as you have two guys that know each other very well and keep countering each others’ signature stuff. The main thing here though is Lita as she’s dating Matt but is being fair. It’s a nice aspect to it that adds tension and fits the storyline perfectly. Jeff gets a nice counter to avoid being powerbombed onto the floor. Sloppy, but it was intelligent at least. Jeff hurts his leg getting back in and Matt goes for it. This is very basic but it’s coming off quite well.

Matt is clearly the heel in this as he won’t let go of a half crab when Jeff is in the ropes, I guess assuming Lita would never DQ him. Crowd likes Jeff more. I’m stunned too. Jeff blocks a Twist of Fate with that leg drop he would do at times. The killer instinct isn’t here again just like last time though. They keep countering the Twist of Fate which makes sense. Maybe it could have something to do with standing there in that position and the other guy shouting before doing it.

That would give me a hint as to what was coming if nothing else. Matt is kind of hinting at full heel here and it’s working fairly well. He’s about 40lbs lighter here also. Twist of Fate off the second rope is blocked and Jeff gets the Swanton for the clean pin. This was just missing something and I think it was the full hatred. That and this wasn’t a huge match yet, although it was getting close.

Rating: B-. Not terrible and WAY better than the Mania 25 match. This was far more ground based and it came off pretty well. It’s no classic by any means, but it’s certainly a passable match. Matt flirting with going heel worked. And then they were all fine and good at the Rumble so none of that mattered.

Rock and Trish have a weird moment. How hot would their kids be? She kisses him on the cheek. Rock more or less says after tonight, come see him again and he’ll screw her. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Big Show/Kane

Stacy is managing the Dudleys here and I’ve always thought this was her hottest period, which is saying a whole lot. The Dudleys weren’t useless yet at this point. Since it’s 2001, Show destroys both of the champions. Kane takes them both out with a double top rope clothesline. Show spanks Stacy. Ok then. A red thong shot on Stacy is never bad though. Yeah I don’t care about this match in the slightest. Kane destroys both of them.

Big Show destroys both of them. Some of you may be beginning to notice a pattern here. Kane accidentally hits the top rope clothesline on Show. To my complete and utter shock, Show and Kane get into an argument. Oh and Show is wearing his sexy one piece swimsuit. I can’t stand that thing. I truly can’t.

Is that supposed to look good? Is he supposed to be intimidating? Show goes after Stacy…again. D-von tries for the save and SLAMS INTO STACY. Yeah thanks for helping there bubbles. The champions take a turnbuckle pad off and slam Show into it with a double flapjack, naturally called 3D by JR.

Rating: F+. This just was not interesting at all. Show vs. Kane has been DONE. And I mean done a LOT. The ending was creative and Stacy was hot though. Even still though, this just didn’t work at all. The styles clash was so apparent here and it didn’t come off well at all.

Don’t try this at home. Feel free to though at your grandparents’ house.

Lita tries to apologize. It doesn’t work.

Sinner is the theme song. I saw that band last night.

So Taker was ticked off at Vince for not telling him that Angle was the mole in the Alliance. Because of that, he turned heel and started his RESPECT ME thing. He talked about all the people he beat up and that he kissed up to Vince more than anyone else. He saved JR from kissing Vince, and then beat him up and made him kiss it. Nicely done. Oh and he went after RVD. This was his heel turn for a long time.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. The Undertaker

Taker still gets face pops, but that likely has something to do with the Limp Bizkit song and the Harley. I say the song because it lowers intelligence so much that people forget what they were told on television. Oh and Taker got a massive haircut. Van Dam doesn’t have his signature theme yet at this point but it was coming soon. Like the next night or close to it soon. Taker is the America Tough Guy here and the style is remarkably different.

We hit the crowd here which at least makes sense due to the hardcore aspect. This is actually a pretty interesting match from a star power perspective, although it would be like 5 years before RVD was a main event guy. Never mind his solid in ring stuff (no it’s not as great as it’s made out to be) and the MASSIVE pops he got. He just wasn’t ready yet and wouldn’t be for years. Also he was out like a year with a bad knee so that wasn’t something anyone could control.

We get to the weapons and RVD saves himself with a fire extinguisher. Van Dam does a balcony dive and in an amusing visual, the stuff they land on shoots up a bunch of dust. It might have been Taker. They’re fighting behind the TitanTron now and you can see why WWF was so far ahead of ECW when it was still in business: there is a camera right there with a perfect shot of them. You can see every single thing that happens rather than seeing a random arm or leg. It’s very nice indeed.

Taker picks him up and rams him head first into the set which he goes partially through. Nice looking spot. Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder on the stage since a head injury that severe of course is something you can get up from very quickly. Van Dam does his running chair shot dropkick thing and it’s called a Van Daminator.

I would ask if JR ever watched ECW but I think I already know the answer to that. Taker wears him out with a chair and of course he’s fine. Van Daminator misses and RVD gets chokeslammed off the stage through some tables and is pinned. Taker as Hardcore Champion is an interesting idea.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but the majority of the rating comes from the oddness of seeing Taker in the midcard title hunt. Having a guy like RVD rub elbows with a guy like Taker is only a good thing for him at this point, although this was Taker trying out his new image and I’m not so sure how it was working. Fun match though and not your traditional hardcore stuff at all.

Jericho comes in and complains to Flair about….life in general I guess. Flair is half owner in case I forgot to mention that. Jericho’s big thing was he can’t win the big one, which is the case here. The Brand Split hadn’t happened yet either. I think that was the night after Mania or like 2 weeks after that.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

To say Trish looks good in white is a dramatic understatement. I think this is her first title reign as they didn’t know she had talent until around this time. Seriously, who cares about Jackie? I can’t think of a soul that does. This isn’t interesting at all. Stratusfaction is blocked before it has a name. Trish wins with a backslide of all things in like 3 minutes.

Rating: N/A. Just boring as heck and not interesting at all. See what I mean by how boring this was? That was proper English to me. Trish wasn’t any good yet and it was apparent.

We recap Vince getting his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. The look on his face is priceless. You have to give him this: there is very little Vince won’t do for his company. No one can take that away from him.

At WWF New York, Rikishi is there. He says he’s back. I guess we’ll forgive the whole vehicular manslaughter thing. There was no point to this whole thing apparently.

We recap Survivor Series where these were the final four and Jericho and Rock beat the Alliance. Vince says Austin is stripped and as the sole owner of the company, he’s naming Angle as world champion. Enter Flair, who says that’s not the case as Rock is still the (WCW) World Champion. That sets us up to hear. There’s a montage in there somewhere but you can figure that out.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Austin comes in as champion. These two had a very good rivalry in August/September. Austin as champion just feels right. They start off slow. Seeing these two as face vs. face is kind of weird. We knew Angle was great at the time but Austin was a legend to put it mildly. Ok scratch that Angle as a face part I think. It’s actually hard to tell. Weird to say but it’s true. I’m pretty sure he had Kane at Mania. Actually yeah he is a heel. Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s right.

Austin runs from a mat wrestling thing so at least he’s thinking out there. This is a chess game to start us off which is very odd indeed. Austin works on the arm. See what I mean? When do you remember him doing something like that? I guess it would be difficult for him to do his normal stuff with just one good arm. Angle…shakes it off I guess and starts stomping Austin. Austin stays on the arm though which is the right thing to do. Now, is Angle smart enough to sell the stupid thing?

Ankle lock is on and the arm seems fine to me. Ah there are the ropes. Angle goes for the leg. At least that makes sense. Just like most main event guys, Angle had solid chemistry with Austin. I love watching Angle bust out suplexes, especially when he’s healthy. He freaking LAUNCHES people. Angle starts busting out Germans, which is a really awesome and simple move when you think about it: you pick up a guy and slam them on the back of their head.

That just sounds painful doesn’t it? The moonsault of course misses. Did he EVER hit that in WWF? It looked perfect if nothing else. Thesz Press hits, the crowd pops. Yeah he was still WAY over at this point. Austin shows his coolness and busts out Rolling Germans of his own.

He even goes further than Angle, hitting FIVE of them. Dang that would have freaking hurt. Angle hits another German. Oh wait he spun around about 9 degrees so it’s the Angle Slam. Got it. It gets two and there’s the Stunner to end it. Austin is in the main event.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as always from these two. I don’t think anyone believed Austin would lose here. I mean while he’s past his prime at this point, he’s still a huge star. Still though, very solid match as these two brought out some good stuff in each other. Seeing Austin mix things up was always fun.

Trish is in a towel and getting ready, when Test comes in. More or less he hits on her and she doesn’t like it, but he can’t be fired. In other words, sexual harassment laws are trumped by battle royal victories. Sure why not? Vehicular manslaughter and necrophilia and assault and battery are never prosecuted here, so why not harassment?

World Championship: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Yeah the WCW Title is the World Championship, which actually sounds more encompassing than the WWF Title, but why use logic? This was a pretty solid feud back in the day, if nothing else for the promos. Jericho is heel here. Seeing Rock bust out armdrags and leapfrogs makes me appreciate him even more. Remember, he’s about the same size as Batista or so. Imagine a guy Batista’s size doing athletic things like that. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho does. It’s just awesome looking.

This is more of a fight than the last match as the angle was more built up in this pairing. Jericho hits a sleeper like five minutes in which is odd. Jericho is no Dolph Ziggler though so it doesn’t work. Lionsault gets two as Jericho is FREAKING. We hit the floor and this has more or less been all Jericho. Like I said earlier, he was probably at the best he ever was in his career around this time and he’s getting to showcase it here. I love when guys break a count that isn’t happening.

How often do count outs consistently get threatened? Jericho gets DDTed through the table. Didn’t look as good as it sounded. The replay makes it look a bit better. It’s fun watching Rock throw punches. Jericho hooks a Breakdown, which is more commonly known as a Skull Crushing Finale. Jericho hits the People’s Elbow, and when I say hit I mean misses completely and almost gets hooked in the Sharpshooter.

Somehow he gets the Walls, but since he’s a heel at the time it doesn’t work at all. Actually he has a Sharpshooter on Rock. Same result though. Rock hits the Rock Bottom out of NOWHERE. That was sweet. And here’s Vince. At least it makes sense in storyline terms. Rock goes for the Elbow, but stops to fight Vince.

He drops a regular elbow and of course Jericho gets up because IT IS A REGULAR ELBOW DROP. Jericho gets a low blow and Rock Bottom to win the world title. Ok then. Hearing it called the world champion is odd to say the least.

Rating: B-. This was a different style than the previous match which is a nice touch I think as it was for a different title. I’d hardly think it was intentional, but it came off pretty well. Jericho was great in the ring, but I still want to see him wrestle as a face champion. It really could work.

Austin is here NOW for the title match. Jericho isn’t even back to his feet yet when Austin is stomping him.

Undisputed Title: Chris Jericho vs. Steve Austin

Nearly immediately, Angle is here and hits him with a chair. Rock is here and hits a Rock Bottom. I guess this makes us even? The fans chant for HHH, who was semi-advertised for the show. He was in a short video earlier and that’s about it. He’ll be back in about a month to the loudest pop I have ever heard. We hit the floor for a bit with Austin dominating. Ok make that a LONG bit. Jericho goes for the Walls on the remaining table but it doesn’t work of course.

Jericho hooks an armbar despite Austin LIMPING to the ring and having Angle working on the knee the whole match. The Walls go on and there goes the referee since this is still an Attitude-Era style. HHH chant again. Jericho hits a Stunner. Vince brings out another referee, Nick Patrick in this case. I’m SHOCKED! They’re OVERBOOKING A TITLE MATCH! Flair is here and the old guys go at it, foreshadowing their match at the Rumble. Austin hits McMahon to a BIG pop.

See, it still worked to an extent. Jericho taps to the Walls (you read that right) and there’s no referee. BOOKER T comes out and blasts Austin with a belt. And yes, THAT is how they end it, and I never realized this was Austin’s final match as a world champion. Yeah, Austin leaves the title picture other than a one off rematch at No Way Out like this, thanks to Booker T. WOW. Jericho holds up both belts with Ross freaking. Wow this came off bad at the end.

Rating: C-. This was overbooked to heck and back. Even once Flair came in, I was hating it. Booker costing Austin the title is fine to build a storyline, but at the same time, it just didn’t work for me. The match wasn’t terrible, but it’s a total letdown, which fits this show perfectly.

OverallRating: C-. The problem here is simple: the Undisputed Title, the first one EVER, was at a throwaway PPV like Vengeance. Seriously, this is in December and between Survivor Series and the Rumble. This is a filler PPV and they have the Undisputed Title decided here? The ending, while putting it on the right man in Jericho, was just BUTCHERED as it took like 4 people to beat Austin. Jericho needed to go over almost cleanly here and he didn’t do it.

Dang he didn’t even beat Rock clean. Other than the final three matches, nothing here matters at all. This just did not live up anywhere near to what it should have been and it’s not a good show as a result. Definitely worth seeing for the historical aspect though.

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On This Day: December 6, 2004 – Monday Night Raw: This One’s For The Girls

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 6, 2004
Location: Cricket Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a show I’ve wanted to do for a long time but couldn’t for one reason or another. I have a copy of it now though and I’m doing it for one reason: the main event. This is the only Raw that I can ever remember where the main event is a Divas match. By that, I mean it’s the match that is built up and talked about for two hours leading up to it. It’s not the match that happens to go on last and then there’s the real final thing on the show after it. Trish vs. Lita for the Women’s Title tonight is the main event of Monday Night Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open in the Highlight Reel and Jericho’s pretty weak shoulder length hair phase. There’s a controversy over the world title between Edge and Benoit. Jericho is the GM tonight due to his team winning the Survivor Series match and thereby all of them got a night as GM. It’s a big party tonight so everyone gets laid! Hawaiian lais fall from the ceiling in a cute bit. Jericho gets one of his own and asks if some of the kids are old enough to get laid.

Anyway he talks about the title match but says that there’s going to be a Diva limbo contest, with music provided by Fozzy, who is on the stage. We get a clip from last week on Raw where Edge reversed the Crossface but didn’t break it. He had Benoit covered but tapped out at the same time the three went down. There were two referees but it appeared that neither would have been able to see Edge tap. Jericho says he can’t solve this but maybe his guest can.

Here’s Vince, holding the world title. Vince says that it was a tie which he didn’t like. This brings out HHH who was champion going into the match. Vince congratulates him on being a bestselling author which wasn’t what HHH expected. Vince congratulates him again on being a movie star for being in Blade III. It really is fun to hear Vince plugging stuff like he does with the movie and book here because he’s really good at it. I’ve seen the movie and it really isn’t as good as he makes it sounds, but I kind of buy it anyway.

As for the title, HHH isn’t champion. Bischoff gets to make that decision next week, which resulted in the return of the Elimination Chamber at New Year’s Revolution. Vince officially vacates the title.

After a break, HHH freaks out while Batista and Flair try to calm him down. HHH yells at Batista who was on the verge of leaving the team and turning into the hottest thing in the company. He’d win the Rumble and the title at Mania. Batista yells back here and HHH breaks stuff.

We cut to Jericho at his party in the back when Christian comes in. He found a superhero costume in his dressing room and isn’t happy with it. Jericho lists off a bunch of famous captains (Hook and Crunch) because if Christian wants one more match (I kid you not he really said that) with Shelton for the IC Title, he has to be Captain Charisma. Christian leaves and Benoit comes in and Jericho makes Batista/HHH vs. Benoit/Jericho.

We get a video on Trish vs. Lita which is one of those flashback things they do to show how we arrived here. Lita had been scared by Kane so Trish pretended he was coming. A beating ensued.

Maven vs. Eugene

Eugene and Regal are tag champions and last week they retained over Maven and somebody else. They celebrated so Maven turned heel and beat Eugene down because so many people wanted to see Maven right? Both guys have catchy songs. The fans chant something that I can’t understand. They go to the mat and Eugene dances a little.

He hooks a body scissors and rolls Maven around on the mat as I think we’re in a comedy match. Maven pretends to trip and blames Regal, who gets ejected. O’Connor Roll and a northern lights suplex get two for Eugene. Maven kicks him in the knee and chokes in the corner to a count of five for the stupid DQ. Regal comes out for the save post match and Maven runs. Scratch that as he sneaks in on Regal and hits him with a title belt.

Rating: D-. Maven’s song keeps it from failing, but why in the world is Maven a heel? Actually here’s a better question: why is Maven on TV at all? The guy was just Maven and other than that there was nothing to talk about. This was weak and I don’t get the point of this at all. At least it was short, which is never a good thing to say about a match.

Time for Divas Limbo. I won’t complain about looking at Christy jumping everywhere but this is pretty awful. Fozzy plays the music and this is getting multiple minutes. Christy wins. Fozzy plays Don’t You Wish You Were Me while the girls dance. Muhammad Hassan comes out and runs his mouth to break the song up. I like that song but it’s better than the limbo nonsense. Hassan debuts next week.

Hurricane vs. Simon Dean

Simon is Nova from ECW and had a gimmick where he was a sponsor of Raw and pitched a weight loss system. Just take a guess as to how well this goes. This is his debut match. Simon wants to have an amateur style match so Hurricane rolls him up for two. Simon takes over with nothing significant. This is really the best match they can give us on Monday Night Raw? The King makes fun of TMNT and I hate him already. Hurricane breaks a chinlock and hits some fast paced stuff. The Shining Wizard misses and Dean rolls him up for the pin with tights.

Rating: F. This is the best they can do for Monday Night Raw? Seriously? Yeah that’s all I’ve got here.

We get a video of Lita’s surprise bridal shower where the heel Divas humiliated her.

Orton makes fun of Coach and talks about being a GM for a week last week.

Here’s Edge who is all fired up. He’s mad about the title being held up and says that’s a travesty against him. He talks about how he beat Benoit last week (and DID NOT tap out!) and got to hold the world title but got screwed again. The person responsible for that is Randy Orton. He calls Orton’s title reign a failure and calls him out.

Here’s the Apex Viper who isn’t orange and has skin on his forearms. Orton says it could have been one on one but Evolution would have gotten involved. Edge only has himself to blame. I miss this Orton. “Unlike you Edge, I’ve been world champion.” AWESOME line there and it’s nice to see Orton having some emotion. They slug it out until security breaks it up.

Video on Blade Trinity.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

Christian looks like an idiot in the Captain Charisma costume. Get it, it’s funny. He looks a bit like The Flash. Shelton was AWESOME at this point so he uses all of his athleticism to take over including a head fake into a top rope clothesline. Christian takes over with his basic stuff and yells a lot. The Canadian goes up and jumps into a punch to the ribs. A Russian legsweep and a middle rope sunset flip both get two for Benjamin. Shelton gets caught in a rollup off the middle rope and Tomko slides in a title belt. Tomko adds a big boot but it only gets two. Unprettier is countered into the Exploder and Shelton retains.

Rating: D+. Not a horrible match or anything but it was there for the comedy and that’s all. That’s fine, but they need to have something other than that after a Eugene match and a Simon Dean match. This was nothing to see at all here and I really am getting why no one ever talks about this era in the company. This show has mostly sucked so far.

Jericho comes out and makes Edge vs. Orton. He also leads Fozzy in singing the goodbye song to Christian. He’s not fired that I know of but I guess it’s just to humiliate him.

Here’s a Smackdown Recap which saw Team JBL beating down Taker which didn’t end well.

The next Lita clip is Trish interrupting her wedding to Kane in some very nice lingerie for some reason. Not complaining at all.

Snitsky comes up to Lita in the back and reminds her that he got rid of her baby and ended Kane’s career.

We see HHH getting stripped of the title earlier. Flair tries to call Eric but HHH only gets his machine. He says fix this. Flair plugs Raw Magazine and HHH’s book and the movie. Batista comes in and hangs the phone up. He says he’s stopping HHH from making a huge mistake and wants to know what HHH is going to do.

HHH/Batista vs. Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho

Lillian calls HHH the former champion so he chases her into the crowd. HHH vs. Benoit gets us going and Benoit chops away. Off to Jericho who beats on HHH ever more. The fans want Flair. Back to the other Chris who gets the Crossface but HHH’s feet are in the ropes. For some reason Evolution doesn’t tag so Jericho beats on HHH even more. Batista comes in illegally and the Canadian Chrises send him to the floor with a double dropkick as we take a break.

Back with Batista hooking a camel clutch. We see a clip from the commercial with Flair interfering to let Big Dave hit a spinebuster on Jericho. Off to the Game for some abdominal stretchery. Batista comes in but Jericho kicks his leg out to take over. Back to Benoit vs. HHH and Flair is knocked down to HUGE booing of Benoit.

Ever the nice guy, Benoit hits a baseball slide onto an old man to send him flying. Rolling Germans take care of HHH, followed by a Lionsault, a Swan Dive and then the double Liontamer/Crossface. Batista makes the save and takes over on Jericho but HHH brings in a chair to crack Benoit with for the DQ.

Rating: C-. The double submission probably should have ended it but this wasn’t much of a tag match either way. The commercial break took up almost half of the match and it wasn’t worth watching otherwise anyway. Jericho just wasn’t interesting at this point and this was all about Evolution and the post match stuff.

HHH keeps going off with the chair and hits everyone in sight, including the referee and accidentally Batista.

Trish is looking great and stretching when two production guys stare at her. Can’t say I blame them. Lita comes up and kisses Trish (Kiss of Death) and it’s main event time.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Even in a faceguard with what looks like masking tape over her face, Trish is gorgeous. How is that possible? Lita’s song is great too. 2004 had some awesome theme music. They lockup and go to the floor quickly. Lita takes over with a leg sweep for two. Remember that she’s the hometown girl. They go to the floor again and Lita tries a suicide dive and Lita lands ON HER HEAD, jacking her neck back in a landing that made my jaw drop and be stunned she isn’t dead. I mean she landed on her face and her feet hit her in the back of the head. The referee immediately checks on her and the crowd goes quiet.

The match keeps going as I guess she’s alive somehow. Trish takes the noseguard off and pops Lita in the face with it which isn’t a DQ somehow. Lita fights out of a choke and throws on a sleeper but gets countered into a seated full nelson. Trish goes up but gets caught in a superplex to put both girls down. Back up and the Chick Kick gets two. Trish pounds away in the corner and gets powerbombed to set up the moonsault but Trish breaks it up. Rollup gets two and Trish grabs a DDT for two. Stratusfaction is broken up and there’s a reverse Twist of Fate. The moonsault gives Lita her second title.

Rating: B. Considering that neck shot, WOW Lita was impressive here. At the end of the day, this was a solid match and they made it feel like a big moment. This was Lita’s second title, but she hadn’t won it in over four years so it’s not like this was something that happened every day. Trish would win it back in less than a month and hold it until Wrestlemania. As in the Wrestlemania the year after she won it, giving her a reign of about 15 months.

Overall Rating: D. This show sucked other than the main event. I can really see why no one talked about 2004 and the years around it: this stuff SUCKED. I mean, the first three match include the names of Maven, Simon Dean and TWO superhero characters. This was a really weak show and they couldn’t save it with a solid main event, which isn’t something you see that often. Bad show.

 

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On This Day: December 4, 2009 – Tribute to the Troops 2009: WWE Being Nice

Tribute to the Troops 2009
Date: December 4, 2009
Location: Holt Memorial Stadium, Balad Air Base, Iraq
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So back in 2003, WWE started doing an annual Christmas show for the troops stationed in Iraq (why did they never go to Afghanistan?). This was an awesome idea and they’ve run the same idea every year until 2010 when they started having the shows in America so people didn’t have to fly around the world for a few days. I’ve done a few of these so I figured I’d do the rest of them and since I can’t find a full copy of the first one right now, here’s the one from 2009. Let’s get to it.

Oh and before I forget: not all of the card is televised. There were eight matches on the card but only three aired on the broadcast. That would be changed I think next year. Lawler and Cole did commentary on tape from Connecticut later on.

One other note: the matches here are going to be lower quality than usual and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m going to be very lenient with my ratings on this show because the wrestling isn’t for the TV audience here.

The opening video talks about the USO’s history of taking care of the troops in combat.

Rey Mysterio/Mark Henry vs. CM Punk/Carlito

The arena is unlike anything you’ll ever see. It’s outside and everyone is in camouflage. Punk and Rey start things off in a feeling out process. They go to a test of strength with Punk easily putting Rey on the mat. Rey fights up but can’t hit the 619. Punk does the Hogan muscle pose so Rey tags in Henry. Mark runs him over a few times and drops him out of a gorilla press position. We get the Andre/Snuka splash but Carlito makes the save. Rey hits a double 619, followed by a World’s Strongest Slam on Carlito and a springboard splash to Punk for the stereo pins. Carlito was never in and this was a squash.

We get photos of the WWE guys and Divas visiting troops set to a Bob Dylan song.

Here’s Eve Torres to introduce R-Santa who introduces the Bellas, Layla, Alicia and Kelly in sexy Santa outfits to give gifts to the crowd.

Barack Obama thanks the troops for doing this.

More troop visits, including Morrison and Eve singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas. This runs for a LONG time but it’s just wrestlers shaking hands with soldiers.

General David Petraeus thanks us some more and we hear about all the cool stuff the troops do in Iraq.

The Miz vs. John Morrison

Miz is US Champion and Morrison is IC Champion, although he’s lost the title to Drew McIntyre since the show was taped. Morrison hits a fast dropkick to take over and get two as Cole talks about some commander who missed the show so he didn’t miss his anniversary for the seventh straight year. Smart man. Miz sidesteps Morrison to send him to the floor and the fans are all over Mikey. Back in and Miz goes up and gets crotched, giving Morrison a superplex for two. Starship Pain misses and Miz rolls him up for the pin with his feet on the ropes. Another short match but that’s fine.

We get a speech from Cena from after the match that’s up next. He talks about how he’s been here six years now and everyone knows how he feels about the troops. We get a highlight package set to Never Gonna Be Alone by Nickelback.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is defending even though he already lost the title to Sheamus at TLC. Jericho would be a tag champion here (no belt for some reason) but he also lost at TLC. Bad show for champions that. We get some abbreviated big match intros and it’s time to go. Jericho immediately takes him into the corner and pounds away but Cena comes back with a release fisherman’s suplex for no cover.

Jericho gets in a kick to the face to knock Cena to the floor for the springboard dropkick. We take a break (with more videos of the soldiers) and come back with Jericho putting on the Walls. Cena finally rolls through into the STF but Jericho grabs the rope. While the hold is on we cut to a shot of the crowd and you see a fighter jet flying through the shot. That’s awesome.

Cole thanks the staff here and apparently one of the big shots is named Ned Flanders. I played that back to see if it was right and that’s the exact name he says. Jericho tries an AA off the middle rope but Jericho headbutts him down. Jericho tries a middle rope cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA to retain.

Rating: C. This was fine even though we barely saw most of the match. Jericho never beating Cena is almost a running joke at this point but I don’t think it was ever brought up. This was a very quick match which apparently ran less than eight minutes in full. To be fair though it’s like 100 degrees so the lack of endurance is acceptable.

A three minute highlight package of the while trip ends the show.

Overall Rating: N/A. I know that’s kind of cheap but we had one rateable match and a ton of the show was just clips of the guys with the troops. Still though, what in the world do you want me to say? This is about a special Christmas show and giving the troops who get shot at every day something fun. The full show versions of this we would get starting next year would be much easier to grade. It’s really hard to not smile when you watch one of these though.

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No Way Out 2008: Reach For The Brass Ring Jeff

No Way Out 2008
Date: February 17, 2008
Location: Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 13,306
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

We’ve FINALLY moved past the brand exclusive shows and into the Elimination Chamber years. There are two of them tonight so I’m rather interested in this show. I figured since I hadn’t watched a No Way Out in a month before I put up the 07 show that I might as well just finish the series so it isn’t Mania time before it goes up. Anyway, both of the matches tonight are for the title shots rather than the belts, as Cena is cashing in his Rumble win TONIGHT to get a shot at Orton. Odd but ok. Other than that there’s Edge vs. Rey for the Smackdown Title and that’s about it. Just 6 matches on the card this year. Let’s get to it.

Oh and also, the whole adding in the Chamber popped the buyrate from about 218,000 up to 329,000. In short, IT WORKED.

The opening video talks about how the Road to Wrestlemania has led us here. The theme song is Fake It by Seether which is an awesome song so I like the transitional stuff for once.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo had taken the title from Punk and this is his rematch. We get a quick recap which involved something about a fiesta which I never thought was that great. We hear some of Tazz during this video which we weren’t supposed to hear. We also recap the Gulf of Mexico match which wasn’t much either. Crowd is entirely behind Punk.

Chavo sends him to the floor early and tries to get a countout early. In a cool spot with Punk on his stomach Chavo hits a front flip onto his back for two. Off to a body scissors as Punk is in trouble. Punk comes back and gets a powerslam for two. GTS is countered into a rana and a tornado DDT gets two.

Punk does Eddie’s dance to tick off the crowd a bit. He goes nearly full heel as he hits Three Amigos. Knee and bulldog get two as Chavo gets his foot on the rope. Punk keeps going off on Chavo, beating on him on the floor which gets two as we’re back in the ring now. Punk kicks him in the head and goes to the corner for a top rope rana but is shoved off and the Frog Splash keeps the title on Chavo. Kind of an abrupt ending.

Rating: C+. This was more or less a TV main event but not bad. Chavo getting a clean pin after needing Edge to get the title in the first place is a good thing for him. The ECW Title would start going to monsters soon as Kane would win it at Mania in 8 seconds. Anyway, this wasn’t bad but it was short and too abrupt for my tastes.

We recap Smackdown where Rey messed up Edge’s proposal to Vickie. This was the start of Vickie in a wheelchair. Mike Adamle talks to Rey who says he’s not sorry but it was an accident. Rey has a torn bicep apparently but he’s going to wrestle anyway. Floyd Mayweather pops up and is friends with Rey apparently.

Jericho is getting ready for his Chamber match later.

LOWER THE CHAMBER!

We get a quick highlight reel of Chamber matches over the years.

Great Khali vs. Undertaker vs. MVP vs. Finlay vs. Batista vs. Big Daddy V

Winner gets the Smackdown World Title match at Mania. MVP is US Champion here. In case you’re not familiar with the rules, you start with two in the ring and four in small pods. Every four minutes another person is released. You can be eliminated by pinfall or submission but it has to be in the ring. Last man standing wins. Matt Striker is Big Daddy V’s manager which I had forgotten about.

Finlay’s music is so bad here it’s not even funny. It does not fit at all, but at least he doesn’t have Horny with him here. Apparently it’s Horny vs. Vince tomorrow night. That led to JBL destroying Horny and setting up a surprisingly good hardcore match with Finlay vs. JBL at Mania. We start with Batista vs. Undertaker. I think that’s sufficient enough don’t you?

Taker slams the door shut and it’s on. We have the camera shot of the ring kind of blocked by the cage but it’s nothing you can really ignore. They slug it out early on with Batista surprisingly winning. There’s a camera in the ring which helps a lot but they don’t use it that often. We head out to the cage floor and Batista is in trouble. And never mind as he gets a boot in to send Taker back into the ring.

They slow it down a bit as we’re waiting on the next guy to come in with less than a minute to go. Batista takes over and gets booed LOUDLY. Ok it’s been four minutes and no one has come in yet. Is it five perhaps? More like four and a half apparently as both guys are down. Big Daddy V is in third to loud booing. V destroys both guys for awhile just because he can.

He doesn’t do much aside from choking and chopping. And now we get really stupid as Taker is knocked through the door and hits the floor. Nice job guys. Taker might have tweaked his knee as he fell. V splashes his as he comes back in just to be a jerk. Running splash crushes Batista too. Batista finally wakes up and gets a VERY good spinebuster to V considering the enormous gravitational pull of V’s fat. Taker gets a DDT on the steel and apparently you can get a pin out there as Batista gets rid of V.

Khali is in fourth just after V goes out and the beating continues. I think the fans are chanting USA but it’s not that clear. Taker hammers on Khali but can’t get the chokeslam. Punjabi Plunge gets two so instead of going after the weak Taker, Khali goes after the rested Batista like a stupid man. Vice Grip to Batista has him in trouble. And never mind as he breaks out and hits a spear to put Khali down.

Taker knocks Singh off the cage with a kick and then gets Hell’s Gate to eliminate Khali but he won’t let go. Back to Taker vs. Batista as we just kill time (which has been over five minutes since the next guy came in but whatever) until Finlay comes in. He comes in but Taker kicks him in the face to put him right down. Cole calls the STEEL chain concrete-like as Finlay gets the Celtic Cross for two.

Batista gets a slingshot to send Finlay into the cage. After a brief skirmish between the only two guys with a chance to win this, Finlay takes Deadman to the outside and wortks him over a bit. Finlay manages to send Taker through the BULLETPROOF, yes BULLETPROOF I SAY, glass. We finally get to MVP’s countdown with them not even trying to hide the lack of caring about the clock anymore.

Taker stands in front of MVP’s pod to wait on him and hammers away on him in the pod. Everyone is in now. MVP gets a Drive By to Batista and one to Taker as well, getting two on the taller one. MVP finds a chain from somewhere to choke away on Finlay for a bit. Taker is busted after a shot with the chain. He gets up and stares down MVP. The no selling of punches begins.

MVP tries to hide on the top of a pod but here comes the dude that sleeps with McCool. He grabs MVP by the throat and throws him over his head (called a reverse chokeslam which works as well as anything else) so Finlay can get the pin. Taker misses a top rope elbow to Finlay and all three guys are down. And here’s Horny from under the cage to send in the Irish club that I can’t spell to Finlay.

A shot to the head with it gets two on Batista so Undertaker chokeslams Finlay onto the cage which gets us down to one on one. Batista is busted open too. They do a long slow start and then slug it out. Crowd says yay for Taker so you can tell he’s far more popular. Batista Bomb hits rather soon for two, making the fourth finisher that Taker has kicked out of (Bomb, Plunge, Drive By, Celtic Cross).

Then we get proof that Batista is a very stupid man as he goes for multiple punches on the middle rope. As has happened to EVERYONE THAT HAS DONE THAT TO UNDERTAKER IN THE LAST SEVEN YEARS, the Last Ride hits for a long two. Dude your mentor was HHH. Did you never watch their Wrestlemania match? Taker mounts him and throws bombs. Batista sends him out to the cage but he sets like a powerslam and tries to ram Taker’s head in again. Taker shoves off the cage, drops to his feet from Animal’s shoulders and hooks the Tombstone in the ring to set up Taker vs. Edge at Mania. Sweet, sweet ending.

Rating: C+. The big problem here should be really obvious: there was ZERO chance anyone named Batista or Undertaker wasn’t winning here and everyone knew it. They started the match, the dominated it, and they ended it. That’s fine as they had mad chemistry together and the stuff they did was good, but did we need four extra guys in there and 30 minutes to get us here? It’s ok but it’s one of the weaker Chamber matches for sure.

The Edgeheads (Hawkins and Ryder) tell Edge that Taker is 15-0 at Mania which Edge more or less shakes off. Edge tries to set up a plan for later but Teddy comes in. He bands Hawkins and Ryder from ringside just because he can.

Mania ad with a bad Baywatch parody.

We get a clip of Maria and Ashley at the Playboy mansion as Maria was the Playboy chick this year, which was awesome stuff.

Ric Flair vs. Mr. Kennedy

Career threatening match here as if Flair loses he has to retire. Who why is Jeff Hardy suddenly underwater? Oh that’s just the logo for the show. Creepy much? Flair’s knee is taped and Kennedy struts to start. Apparently Kennedy is the future of the WWE and a win over Flair will define his career. Why would that be the case? If he can’t beat a guy that was over the hill five years ago and 20 years past his prime, what kind of future does he have anyway?

Kennedy works on the knee with a half crab like a smart man. Flair shouts an expletive which is of course censored. Figure Four on the post gets a Bret Hart reference. BIG slap to Flair, who has had no offense at all so far that I can remember. Regular Figure Four goes on from Kennedy but he’s no Jay Lethal so it doesn’t work.

Kennedy can’t manage to break a 60 year old’s legs and the fight is on again. The fireman’s carry rolling slam gets two. JR asks why Kennedy doesn’t get himself disqualified. Maybe because it would mean Flair is still active and it would gain him nothing? Flair hits a chop block and goes after the knee.

Kennedy counters into the anal displaying rollup for two with the ropes but gets caught cheating so it only gets two. Figure Four is countered again into a small package for two. There’s the Figure Four for real and of course a 60 year old man gets in two shots to the knee and a basic hold is enough to beat one of the young hot shots on the roster. Makes perfect sense no?

Rating: D+. This wasn’t very good. It was the epitome of a Raw match and not a very good one at all. Flair hit all of three moves and managed to win clean. I get that he can’t lose, but it looks stupid to see him go over these young guys clean every time. How does that help anyone at all, especially when Flair is leaving in a few weeks? I don’t get it but whatever.

Vince says to Finlay that he’s going to hurt Horny tomorrow.

JBL is worried about the Chamber.

We recap Edge vs. Rey and of course, it’s PERSONAL. We see part of the first match they had at the Rumble where Vickie got out of her wheelchair and took a 619. That set up the apology thing which set up the engagement thing. And of course we get back to the Guerrero name and all that jazz.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Winner gets Undertaker at Mania. And remember Rey has a really bad and legit arm injury. Floyd Mayweather is in the front row. Edge’s theme song is still awesome. Rey keeps dodging to start but hurts his arm on a rana. Rey hits the floor and Edge gets a baseball slide to send Rey’s arm into the floor and then into the steps.

Rey is caught in the Tree of Woe but Edge misses a baseball slide to send Edge’s balls into the post. Sorry Vickie. Moonsault press gets two as Rey can’t hook a leg. Rey gets a 619 out of almost nowhere but Edge beats him to his feet due to the arm. He tries for a springboard something, but Edge spears him out of the air to pin him clean. This didn’t even run six minutes so you can tell Rey was hurt badly.

Rating: C. Yes this was a pretty bad match, but major points to Rey for gutting it out and doing what he could. He was barely able to do anything out there but he tried which is all you can ask for at the end of the day. The arm was the focal point of the match so that makes sense. They’ve had better matches before when both were healthy so it’s almost impossible to blame this on anything but the arm. Bad match, but not their fault at all.

Here’s Big Show for absolutely no apparent reason. He’s a face at this point, but that would get thrown out the window for the next few weeks. Apparently this is a return of some sort. Oh wow this is his return from his hiatus after December to Dismember. He’s lost 108 pounds which is rather impressive and actually looks legit.

And never mind the face part as he hits the floor and grabs Rey by the throat and smacks him in the arm, saying does your arm hurt. He gets in Mayweather’s face a bit but drags Rey back into the ring. Floyd’s team tries to keep him back but since WWE security is TERRIBLE, Mayweather gets in. There’s no commentary here. Show shoves him and gets down on his knees. Mayweather goes right at him and lands three or four bombs, apparently legitimately breaking Show’s nose. Floyd runs and we have our Mania match.

Mania is 42 days away.

Jeff Hardy is getting ready. Check for any flat surface with powder on it.

Adamle is with some fans and can’t remember the company he’s in. We recap Cena vs. Orton which started with Orton hurting Cena (it was actually Kennedy I think but Orton was #1 contender so that sounded better). This set up the EPIC return at the Rumble which no one, I mean NO ONE, saw coming. Cena won, but is cashing in tonight.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton isn’t quite hearing voices yet which is good for me as I like his old music better. There’s the bell and they’re going for the big epic feeling here, which is getting pretty close actually. Cena gets a small package for two almost immediately. Orton gets in a shot to the ribs and the beating is on. Cena’s bulldog out of nowhere gets two.

Orton comes back as neither guy has had anything as far as an extended advantage in the first three minutes or so. Cena keeps going for quick wins with rollups and covers off weaker moves while Orton is trying to slow it down and take away Cena’s momentum. The crowd is split here for the most part. He counters the elevated DDT and gets the top rope Fameasser from the top for a close two.

FU is countered and Orton goes after the knee/ankle. Since that makes no sense he stomps away on the bad shoulder/pectoral area that Cena had hurt and caused him to be put out for awhile. Makes sense. Orton can’t get a knee drop on the pec and we hit the chinlock as is Orton’s custom. Cena gets the Protoplex out of nowhere and with a point to the Mania sign, Orton can’t see him. I have no idea what the connection is but Cena is rocking the serious stare here so don’t question it.

FU can’t hit again though and Orton hits the floor. At 9 and a half they both fly into the ring to prevent the double countout. Back in and Orton catches Cena in the backbreaker, although Orton may have tweaked his knee. Crowd is all over Cena here. A middle rope suplex is shoved off but Cena misses another Fameasser. Orton starts that slithering stuff he tends to do but the RKO is countered and Cena gets the STFU!

Orton gets a rope and heads to the floor, holding his knee. He DEMANDS that the referee count him out but was playing possum. RKO hits on the floor and Cena is legally dead. Somehow he manages to get back in without the help of a yellow sun as Orton is shocked. And there’s a slap to the referee for the DQ to prevent Cena from winning the title which isn’t as bad of an ending as it seems, because now Cena has used his title shot. He lands an FU and the STFU post match but it doesn’t mean much.

Rating: B-. I liked this pretty well although it’s no classic or anything. I like the ending as it fits something that a heel would do to keep the title. Cena is out of a chance at Mania but of course he would fight Orton there anyway, although with HHH thrown in for fun. The fans doing the GOODBYE song is funny stuff as he was absolutely loathed in this match. Decent match and one of the better ones they’ve had actually.

Orton lays in the ring as the fans chant THANK YOU RANDY. This is funny stuff.

HHH is sitting in the back and Shawn comes up. HBK says this isn’t the appropriate time to shill merchandise or crack jokes and apologizes for what he might have to do out there. They say they’ll go through each other if they have to and that seems to be mutually ok.

The Chamber is lowered again and we get the winner of the mobile poll. Hardy, HHH and Shawn have the vast majority of the votes. The other three combine for 10%.

HHH vs. Umaga vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

This should be a bit better don’t you think? The entrances take the better part of forever, especially HHH’s as he comes out first. Umaga is second and is pure filler in this match. I think he had Batista at Mania in a horrible match. Jeff gets a HUGE pop but it would be 9 months before he was in the world title scene again. He’s IC Champion here and would be suspended for a few months soon after this for Wellness.

It’ll be Jericho and Shawn starting us off. They would have their huge feud in about two months. Jericho is still a face here and it’s odd to see him in long tights with short hair. At least Shawn isn’t in the brown tights. Nice to hear Shawn come out to his own music rather than the DX song.

We get a rather technical start as this is far more or a wrestling match than a brawl so far which is a nice thing to see for once. They start slugging it out and Shawn nips up. The top rope elbow hits knees though and the best part about it: the elbow clearly would have hit had the knees not been there. Shawn tries to do the same thing to the Lionsault but Jericho grabs the Walls instead.

He can’t hook the hold though but Shawn can’t hook a Sharpshooter either. Both go for either cross bodies or a shoulder block as the time comes down. It’s Umaga and the beatdown is on. Both pretty boys are in trouble quickly as he takes both down with a clothesline. Shawn and Jericho team up to fight the monster off but he’s like screw it and hits a Samoan Drop on both guys at the same time (think Cena to Edge and Show at Mania).

Umaga kicks Shawn to the outside of the ring and hammers on Jericho for awhile. He goes up for a middle rope splash but can’t crush Jericho and here comes the Texas. In a cool spot Jericho gets the Walls and Shawn hooks the Crossface as JBL comes in at 4. He of course breaks up the Walls and hammers Jericho for awhile which isn’t incredibly smart. Shawn is busted open as JBL pounds down Jericho.

Umaga and Shawn fight in the ring until Shawn is thrown out to the steel again. After maybe two minutes HHH comes in to a somewhat mixed reaction that becomes cheering partway through. He hammers on Umaga, sending his head into Bradshaw’s. Umaga’s head is rammed into one of the metal beams on a pod. HHH goes after Jericho but takes the Clothesline From JBL, again for no apparent reason. For his troubles JBL takes a Codebreaker and is out first.

Before he leaves though JBL grabs a chair and drills everyone with some HARD shots to the head. Here comes Jeff, just in time. Umaga is the only one up as the crack head comes in. Slingshot dropkick to Shawn as Jeff cleans house. DX comes after him but he hits a Whisper in the Wind. Pay no attention to HHH falling backwards before it hits too. Now the Samoan comes back and destroys various people.

Umaga gets a running hip smash to Jericho’s head through the BULLETPROOF glass, which should kill him but since it’s WWE he’s up enough to get a Codebreaker just after Chin Music. A Pedigree is added and after a Swanton is the fourth finisher off a pod, Umaga is FINALLY gone. Shawn hits Jericho with Chin Music and Jeff steals a pin. Pedigree and Twist of Fate take care of Shawn. Those three eliminations happened in less than 45 seconds.

We’re down to HHH vs. Hardy now for the Mania spot. Jeff gets a DDT on the steel but can’t get a cover as his back is hurt from the landing. Jeff goes the heck off on HHH who can barely stand. Jeff counters a Pedigree with a backdrop but can’t get the Swanton. Pedigree hits but gets two as the pop blows the roof off for a few seconds. Twist of Fate on the chair is reversed and a Pedigree onto it ends this, sending HHH to Mania.

Rating: B+. Much better match here with this being a war throughout, especially with four guys combining to take out Umaga. Granted when he or JBL is the worst guy in there rather than Khali or Big Daddy V things can go a bit better. It was also far more violent and while it was pretty clear HHH or Hardy would win, there was a chance Shawn or Jericho could pull it off. That and shaving off five minutes helped too.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a great show but much like TLC was last week, they didn’t try to have a great show but rather a flashy one which worked just as well. It went by far faster than the previous year’s and was definitely an upgrade. They would have another the next year with the titles on the line and it wouldn’t be as good. Anyway this wasn’t bad but it would have been better with one less Chamber match and another match added on instead. Still decent though.

 

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Monday Nitro – July 13, 1998: Hogan’s Return To Form

Monday Nitro #145
Date: July 13, 1998
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 10,765
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

We’re past Bash at the Beach and there isn’t much new to report on. Goldberg retained the title and Hogan/Rodman won the NBA match. We’re only a few weeks away from Road Wild now and it’s not clear where we’re going. Hopefully the good midcard stuff gets some more focus because the main event stuff is getting less and less interesting every week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Goldberg winning the title last week.

Opening sequence.

The Nitro Girls do a long showgirl style dance.

Larry is in a Goldberg shirt but has to thank the crowd before bragging about the new champion.

We recap the entirety of Goldberg’s night last week.

Here’s the Black and White with something to say. Hogan promises that the Goldberg propaganda ends soon and he’ll prove that Goldberg is just a flash in the pan. That brings us to NWO business, meaning Hogan has to prove that he loves some of his brothers. They’re bonded for eternity, but sometimes you have to take care of a few things. Hogan blames Hall for the title loss and has been hearing Hall talking about taking over the NWO when he thinks no one is listening.

Tonight it’s Hogan vs. Hall so Hollywood can teach him a lesson. Hall says he’s done everything Hogan told him to do because he needs the money, but the match is on tonight if Hogan wants it. Hall reminds Hogan that it was him that got pinned for the belt. Hogan: “So wax up your ponytail Little Bo Peep because I’m the big bad creep.” Hollywood gets on Bischoff for chuckling and makes him the referee tonight. Disciple breaks it up as Hogan threatens Hall but Disciple takes the mic. He didn’t like that chair shot from Page last night and wants a match with him tonight.

Stills from the tag match last night.

Barbarian vs. Horace

They trade clubbering in the corner with Barbarian taking over, allowing Jimmy Hart to get in some choking on the mat. A Lodi distraction lets Horace get in a shot with the stop sign for two before going after Jimmy. Barbarian kicks the stop sign into Horace’s face for the fast pin. That’s a pretty overly booked two minute match.

The Flock comes in to beat down Barbarian but Meng comes in for the save. He cleans house but puts Barbarian in the Tongan Death Grip.

Stills of Goldberg beating Hennig last night.

Here are Rude and Hennig with something to say. Rude talks about Hennig having a bad leg from Minnesota because his flight was canceled. He blames Goldberg and Hennig says he’s figured out Goldberg’s weakness. Another match has been made for tonight and Hennig says he’ll go it alone, which is cool with Rude.

Here’s JJ to bring out the new Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio. Before anything can be said though here’s Jericho with a rulebook. In short, since Malenko was suspended and showed up anyway, the match last night is null and void. JJ, the spineless jellyfish that he is, agrees and names Jericho champion again. Jericho demands that Ron Mysterio Jr. give him the belt back and here’s Malenko to say he’ll get the belt back. Chris laughs this off and says Mysterio can face Malenko for a title shot down the line. The match is on.

More Nitro Girls.

Nitro Party winner video.

We look at Savage having his knee injured in the cage a few months ago.

Jim Duggan vs. Rick Fuller

Duggan gets shoved from behind to start but quickly comes back with those big right hands of his. A clothesline sends Fuller out to the floor before Duggan pounds away in the corner. The three point clothesline and the Old Glory knee drop are enough for the pin on Fuller. WCW’s battle plan in the Monday Night Wars: win one week with Goldberg, then a Jim Duggan squash.

Hour #2 begins so the announcers hit the recap button.

We look back at Buff Bagwell returning last week and saying how much he loved his mama.

Here’s Buff again this week with his doctor. Gene has been hearing from the people in the hotels and airports and they want to know if Buff is NWO or WCW. WHAT AIRPORTS DO THESE GUYS GO TO??? Buff says he’s going to rehabilitate his neck before he goes to see Rick Steiner. He has to get something off his chest so Rick Steiner needs to come out here right now.

Here’s Rick with his arm in a sling but Hogan and the Disciple come out to say he can’t stand a couple of cripples. Hogan threatens Steiner with another broken leg (just go with it) before telling Buff to be a man. We get an actual evil act from Hogan as he shoves the wheelchair over and walks out.

Stills from Booker vs. Bret last night. Apparently Booker T has torn a meniscus and will be out 4-6 weeks.

Fit Finlay vs. Bret Hart

This should be interesting. Bret comes out to NWO music now. Finlay grabs a headlock to start but Bret drives him into the corner for some right hands. A European uppercut puts Bret down for two and a clothesline and knee drop do the same. They head outside with Finlay scoring with another uppercut but being sent into the steps for his troubles. Bret hits some right hands but gets poked in the eye and slammed down. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Bret charges into a boot in the corner. Hart comes right back with an atomic drop and a clothesline to set up the Sharpshooter for the win.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere. In perhaps the most telling reason why Bret Hart never caught on in WCW, this was his tenth televised match since joining the company in November. Of those ten, two were against Brian Adams and this one was against Fit Finlay. Again, this guy was WWF Champion nine months ago. How could they screw this up so badly?

Nitro Girls again.

Stevie Ray vs. Rick Martel

Stevie has the TV Title with him for reasons not yet explained. This is Martel’s return match after being gone since February with a knee injury. Martel cranks on the arm to start as the announcers talk about the NWO. Stevie sends him to the floor where Martel grabs his knee. Someone who might be a trainer comes down the aisle as we take a break. Back with Martel on the mat but getting two off a sunset flip. Rick stomps away but keeps leaning on the ropes.

A dropkick gets two on Ray and Martel puts on an armbar. Back up and Martel charges into a World’s Strongest Slam but Ray misses an elbow drop. A back elbow out of the corner staggers Rick and a kick to the face puts him down. Martel comes right back with a belly to back suplex and there’s the Quebec Crab. Here’s Bret Hart for no apparent reason to blast Martel with a chair. Stevie hits the Slap Jack on the unconscious Martel for the pin.

Rating: D+. This would be the last match of Martel’s career as he injured his knee again and called it a day at 42 years old. Stevie with the TV belt was an interesting idea that would be better suited on anyone but Stevie Ray. Martel having to go out this way is kind of a shame as his comeback was very entertaining.

Ray says there’s no deal with Bret Hart. Booker has given him power of attorney to defend the title against anyone that wants a shot. Documents are promised next week. Allegedly the Martel match was for the title.

We get stills of the two minute bonus match from last night with Konnan beating Disco Inferno thanks to Wolfpack interference.

Barry Darsow vs. Konnan

Sting is with Konnan here to ensure this is a squash. Darsow jumps Konnan to start and chokes on the ropes for awhile. Konnan avoids a charge in the corner and the rolling lariat sets up a seated dropkick. Tequila Sunrise ends Darsow a few seconds later.

Here’s DDP to accept Disciple’s challenge and the match is right now.

Disciple vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Page jumps him to start and takes Disciple down with a belly to back suplex, only to be stopped with a low blow. Disciple slowly punches a lot and hits a slow motion piledriver for no cover. Rick Rude comes down to ringside. Page comes back with a clothesline and goes up, only to be crotched by Rude. Page rams the NWO guys into each other and pins Disciple off a very sloppy rollup in another short match.

Hogan and Vincent jump Page with a chair while he leaves.

The announcers talk about Goldberg again.

Raven vs. Kanyon vs. Saturn

This is before the triple threat became the most overused gimmick match of all time. Raven jumps Kanyon in the aisle but Saturn jumps both of them as the bell rings. They get in the ring with Saturn t-bone suplexing Raven down, only to be caught with a neckbreaker from Kanyon. Saturn kicks at Kanyon’s head in the corner but some Raven interference allows Kanyon to catch him in a face first electric chair drop.

Kanyon’s fireman’s carry into a pancake puts Raven down and Saturn misses a charge to put him on the floor. That’s fine with Saturn as he pulls out a table. Kanyon is pulled to the floor and laid out on the table for a cool looking top rope splash. Raven tries to suplex Saturn back inside but gets kicked in the head.

Saturn goes up but gets crotched by Kanyon but Raven avoids Kanyon’s top rope splash. He can’t avoid Saturn’s though, giving Perry a two count. Kanyon goes to the corner but gets caught in a belly to back superplex from Saturn, who is caught in a belly to back suplex from Raven at the same time. Raven gets two on both guys but walks into the Flatliner from Kanyon for two as Saturn saves. The Death Valley Driver lays out Raven again but this time Kanyon saves. Kanyon and Saturn fight to the floor and we get a bell for I believe a double countout, giving Raven the win.

Rating: B-. Really fun match here with everyone moving for the entire match. This was before the triple threat matches became a collection of the same spots in every match, meaning this was something very unique at the time. I’m curious to see where this feud goes as everyone is awesome at the moment.

Hour #3 begins so we recap the Cruiserweight Title situation.

Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Winner gets a shot at Jericho at some point in the future. Dean works on a hammerlock to start as the announcers bicker over breaking rules. Rey fights free and both guys try dropkicks to give us a standoff. Back to Rey’s arm with Dean taking him to the mat and putting on a headscissors to supplement the armbar. Rey escapes into a cover for two and we get another stalemate. Dean sweeps the legs out for two but gets sent to the outside, setting up a BIG flip dive over the top from Mysterio.

Back in and Dean hits the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but they trade rollups for two each. Rey charges at Dean and gets launched to the top rope but slips off, hurting the knee in the process. Mysterio pops back up with a hurricanrana but gets caught in a powerbomb for two. Rey loads up the top rope hurricanrana but Dean counters into the super gutbuster. The referee checks on Rey but Jericho sneaks in with a belt shot to Dean, giving Mysterio the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C+. Good stuff here as you would expect from these two. The Jericho story is still rolling but eventually he has to get his comeuppance. That’s going to happen eventually and it’s still entertaining but they’re running the risk of the story going on too long. Malenko getting screwed over again is good but something needs to give at the title match.

Kevin Nash/Lex Luger vs. Disco Inferno/Alex Wright

Disco goes on a long rhyming rant against the Wolfpack for interfering last night but gets cut off by the howl. Sting (with REALLY bright teeth) and Konnan are here as well. Luger starts but the dancers argue over who has to face him. Lex cranks on the arm to start but gets armdragged down, setting up dance time. Both dancers are clotheslined out to the floor and Luger poses. Konnan doesn’t let Wright and Disco walk out and Sting adds a Stinger Splash to crush Wright against the barricade. The Jackknife to Disco and the Rack to Wright get the win. Is this really what the Wolfpack is being used for?

Mongo still wants to reform the Horsemen. I believe this is the fourth time we’ve heard this promo from him. We also see Anderson’s promo before his match with Flair at Fall Brawl 1995 again.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Steve McMichael

Eddie jumps him to start as we hear about Heenan throwing out the first pitch at an Oakland A’s game. Mongo comes right back with something like Cena’s spinning belly to back slam but here’s Chavo on the horse. He says he wants to be a Horseman and the distraction lets Eddie dropkick Mongo’s knee out. Chavo comes in and that’s a DQ despite there being no contact.

Eddie dropkicks Chavo into Mongo so McMichael beats up Chavo.

We recap Hogan challenging Hall from earlier.

Scott Hall vs. Hollywood Hogan

Bischoff is guest referee and we get an old school weapons check. Hall throws toothpicks in Hogan and Bischoff’s faces so Hogan punches him to start. Hall bites Hogan’s fingers and drives his shoulder into Hogan’s. A slap to the face annoys Hogan even more so he clotheslines Hall down and pounds him in the head. Choking in the ropes gets no reaction from Bischoff and Hall comes back with right hands. Disciple gets in a cheap shot and Bischoff still does nothing.

Hogan rolls up Hall for two despite Hall being in the ropes the entire time. Scott comes back with a clothesline in the corner and more right hands followed by a chokeslam but Bischoff won’t count. Hogan puts on a choke but Bischoff still does nothing. Hall reverses into a sleeper which is broken up almost immediately.

A Hogan low blow gets a “that hurt” response from Eric as Heenan thinks Bischoff is one sided. Tony to Heenan: “Welcome to Nitro!” There’s the big boot but here’s Page to beat up Hogan and Diamond Cut Bischoff. Nash comes in for the save and does Too Sweet with Hall. Nash loads up the Jackknife but Hall decks him, which we’ll call a heel turn. Maybe? Hogan and company stand tall.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure what to say about this. Hogan is a jerk to Hall, Bischoff treats Hall like an enemy in the match, Nash saves Hall, but Hall is still loyal to Hogan and Bischoff. I get that Hall needs the money, but do you have to make him look like a nitwit along the way? At least give it longer than ten seconds between Hall seemingly turning face before jumping Nash. The match was all about the angle of course.

Hogan hugs Hall to apparently welcome him back into the family.

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig takes forever to get to the ring for some reason. Goldberg gets the full entrance, complete with police escort. The entrances are nearly six minutes combined and Hennig bails to the floor. The match on the other hand is less than a minute and literally is just the spear and Jackhammer. Given the long entrance and the lack of anything in the match, I’m thinking Hennig might have been in no condition to perform here.

Goldberg poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is another hard one to grade as there was some good action at times to go with Hogan being genuinely evil for the first time in forever. That’s been missing from him for so long and it’s a nice return to form for him. Other than that though it was your usual time filler show with stuff like Barbarian vs. Horace and Fuller vs. Duggan wasting our time. It was entertaining at times though and that’s what WCW needs right now.

 

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Thunder – July 8, 1998: The Midcard Saves Them Again

Thunder
Date: July 8, 1998
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Lee Marshall, Tony Schiavone

The main story here of course is Goldberg winning the world title two days before in the Georgia Dome. We’re heading into Bash at the Beach on Sunday and the question is how does this change the PPV card on Sunday. Goldberg had been scheduled for a tag match but the world title wasn’t scheduled to be defended anyway. Hopefully we get the announcement tonight but it’s WCW so they probably haven’t thought that far ahead. Let’s get to it.

This is on a Wednesday instead of the usual Thursday.

The announcers talk about Goldberg to open the show with Heenan almost on the verge of standing and applauding.

Here’s JJ Dillon with a major announcement. Apparently Goldberg has accepted a challenge for a title match from Curt Hennig and will face him on Sunday. Giant and Kevin Greene, who were scheduled to be in a tag match with Hennig and Goldberg, will have a singles match instead. Also we’ll find out about the US Title eventually.

Now here’s Hennig to hype up his match on Sunday. Curt is sure he can’t wrestle DDP tonight because it might interfere with his world title shot and all the Black and White fans here wouldn’t want that of course. The fans apparently are all psychics as they’re chanting Goldberg without opening their mouths. Hennig wants Rude to lawyer up to get out of the match with Page and promises to win the title for Hogan. Heaven forbid he do it to be world champion of course.

Public Enemy vs. Shiima Nabunaga/Tokyo Magnum

I hate to admit it, but Public Enemy had one of the catchiest themes I can remember in WCW. The Dragon Gate guys jump Public Enemy to start but are quickly clotheslined down and out to the floor. We start with Tokyo vs. Johnny with Magnum being put down with a pancake. Off to Rocco who misses a springboard moonsault, giving Shiima a two count. Shimma gets crotched on the top and everything breaks down. Tokyo gets caught in a double gutbuster and Shiima is put through the double stack of tables for the academic pin. Basically a squash.

Tokyo tries to dance with Public Enemy and gets punched in the face, drawing in Disco Inferno and Alex Wright to beat Public Enemy up.

Video on the basketball match.

Villano IV vs. The Cat

It sounds better than Ernest Miller if nothing else. Villano gets in a cheap shot to start which fits the whole villain gimmick. He stomps away in the corner but Cat comes back with a quick sunset flip for two and a kick to the head, living up to the whole karate guy gimmick. The other Villano tries to sneak in but gets kicked down as well, allowing Cat to hit his top rope kick to the face for the pin on V.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to see here other than the finish but at least Cat is starting to show some charisma out there. It also doesn’t help that he was doing some basic stuff besides just kicking all the time. It’s still not interesting or anything but it was a big step up over what he’s done before.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to talk about the hair vs. hair match with Chavo on Sunday. He was happy to see Goldberg win the title on Monday because Goldberg got it all together. On Sunday, Eddie is going to get it together against Chavo. Eddie has spent the last few months building Chavo up but somewhere along the way a screw came loose and Chavo has lost it. “We’re talking wacko here.” Eddie gets real serious and promises to humiliate and degrade Chavo by shaving him bald, because no one likes bald people. Just remember that he’s doing it because he loves Chavo. Very solid promo here to hype up a good feud.

Here’s DDP for even more talking. He’s proud of Goldberg as well, “and that’s a shoot.” Page fumbles his words a bit while trying to talk about Hogan and Rodman before talking about how awesome Malone is. Apparently Malone has been training over five hours a day every day to get ready for the match. Sunday is going to end the worst year of Hogan’s life and that’s about it. As for Hennig, he isn’t getting out of the match tonight and will feel the BANG.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Judo Suwa

They trade chops to start with Suwa getting the better of it. Juvy gets a boot up to stop a charge in the corner and a headscissors sends Suwa out to the floor. A big dive takes Judo out and fires up the crowd a bit after all that talking put them to sleep. Back in and Suwa stomps on Juvy and hits a Vader Bomb for two. They run the ropes a bit with Juvy being sent out to the apron but he comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick to the back of the head. Kidman strolls out to ringside as Juvy hits two Juvy Drivers in a row for the pin.

Rating: C. Some nice high spots in there but not much else. This is another one of those matches just thrown out there to fill in some time and fire up the crowd a bit but it wasn’t one of the better versions. Kidman didn’t do anything in the match but it tied into Juvy vs. Reese on Sunday.

Post match here’s the Flock to beat up Guerrera again with Kidman hitting the Seven Year Itch.

Bash at the Beach ad.

Here’s Mongo for another interview. He talks about bringing back the Horsemen and we get a promo from Arn in 1995 right before his match with Flair at Fall Brawl. In it, Arn talks about giving Flair all he has and being able to look at himself in the mirror the next morning because of it. Mongo again asks to bring back the Horsemen and name drops Flair a bit.

The announcers talk about Sunday.

Another Bash at the Beach promo.

Stevie Ray vs. Konnan

Before the match, Ray talks about how Booker isn’t here because he’s getting ready for his match on Sunday. Konnan makes noises on the way to the ring which I think were supposed to be English but I could only make out words like Flexy and Mach. Stevie tries to pound some grammar into him to start and gets two off a forearm. A World’s Strongest Slam puts Konnan down but he pops back up with the rolling lariat and an X-Factor for two. They head to the floor for a bit with Stevie kicking Konnan in the face before hitting him with a chair for the DQ.

The beating with the chair continues until Booker comes out in street clothes to stop his brother.

Video on Bret vs. Booker.

Hennig is on the phone with Rude and talks about sending a fax to the bosses which guarantees that the match doesn’t happen tonight.

Raven/Horace vs. Saturn/Kanyon

Apparently we’re going to see Hogan vs. Goldberg again on Monday. Not a rematch, but a rebroadcast. Saturn works on Horace’s arm to start before handing him off to Kanyon for a crucifix. A swinging neckbreaker puts Horace down but Kanyon goes to the floor to fight Raven. Horace busts out a suicide dive of all things to take Kanyon down as the Flock takes over. Raven comes in with a running clothesline and a knee lift to put Kanyon back outside.

A Russian legsweep sends Kanyon into the barricade for two back inside and it’s back to Horace. This has been rather physical so far. Horace gets two off a top rope splash and we hit the headlock on the mat. Kanyon comes back with the fireman’s carry pancake and it’s a hot tag to Saturn. Everything breaks down with Saturn taking Horace down with a hurricanrana. A chair is thrown in as Saturn sets up a table on the floor.

Kanyon catches Horace with an electric chair faceplant and heads outside to put Raven on the table. Saturn goes up top but Lodi throws powder in his eyes, meaning Saturn can’t see that Raven has put Kanyon on the table instead. The top rope elbow tries to put Saturn through the table but it’s more of Saturn bouncing off Kanyon with the table not breaking at all. Raven gets the easy pin on Kanyon back inside.

Rating: B-. This was a WILD five minute match. Again, Kanyon and Saturn steal the show whenever they’re out there which makes me curious to see how WCW manages to screw them up. Horace is someone else that is better than I remember and was more than adequate in the role of the agile power man here.

Steve McMichael vs. Rick Fuller

As mentioned almost every time, Fuller is a guy who could have been excellent as a bodyguard for some cowardly heel. Fuller chops away to start but Mongo takes out the leg to put Fuller down. A very early tombstone attempt is broken up with a knee to the face but Mongo keeps pounding away in the corner. Mongo runs into a boot in the corner and Fuller pounds away before a legdrop gets two. McMichael comes back with a kick to the face of his own and the tombstone ends Fuller.

The announcers tell us that Malenko has been suspended for his actions on Nitro and will NOT be at the PPV on Sunday. They also talk about Jericho insinuating that Dean’s brother Joe was the product of an affair. Heenan: “Well they don’t look alike.”

Jericho is here with a bandaged noggin and says he can’t wrestle Dean due to what happened on Monday. He wants a credible opponent but JJ doesn’t come out to give him one. Jericho says he’ll put on a top hat and tap shoes and read poetry if he can’t get an opponent named.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon

Jericho grabs a headlock to start but they speed things up by running the ropes. A back elbow puts Jericho down and he bails to the floor. Dragon drokicks him through the ropes and things slow down a bit. Back inside and Jericho kicks him in the ribs and snaps Dragon’s throat across the top rope. Dragon is down in the corner but Jericho does his long stride instead of following up. He bends Dragon’s back over his knee to work on the back a bit as things stay slow.

Dragon fights up and hits a spinning kick to the chest, only to be caught in a German suplex for two. Chris gets crotched on top but the super hurricanrana is broken up. Jericho’s superplex is countered into a front superplex by Dragon for two but Jericho puts him right back down with a backbreaker. Dragon hits a Lionsault to a standing Jericho into the Dragon Sleeper but Chris is quickly into the ropes. The Liontamer is countered into a small package and Dragon counters a powerbomb into a cradle, only to be caught in the Liontamer for the submission.

Rating: C+. Good match as usual here with Jericho looking great out there. Dragon was more than keeping up with him as well, but he wouldn’t be around much longer to do follow up. The cruiserweight division is awesome at the moment with Jericho being a much more skilled Honky Tonk Man as everyone wants to see him get what’s coming to him.

Here’s Kevin Greene with something to say and the place gets almost eerily quiet. As always he mentions Goldberg to try to get the fans to care but it doesn’t work as well this time. He talks about how great a football player he is before talking about Giant not being here tonight….and that’s about it.

Video on Rodman.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Curt Hennig

Curt comes out in street clothes and seems to be taking as long as he can. He slowly takes off his shirt until a guy comes up with some papers for him. Apparently due to his title match on Sunday he’s under no obligation to have his match tonight, causing Page to roll his eyes. Vincent tries to jump Page but gets laid out with the Diamond Cutter. Hennig goes after Page but Goldberg’s music comes on to end the show (Goldberg didn’t appear).

Overall Rating: C+. This was an entertaining show that set up Bash at the Beach rather well. What more can you ask for out of a go home show, especially when the show it’s promoting isn’t very interesting? The midcard is awesome at this point but they need to actually get somewhere with the stories. Good show here though as the midcard bails out the non-main event again.

Here’s Bash at the Beach if you’re interested:

 

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