Dynamite
Date: June 30, 2021
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Excalibur, Chris Jericho, Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

We’re finally back to the normal schedule and that is a very good thing. It’s the final night in Daily’s Place as the show is heading back on the road starting next week. The big match this week is Sammy Guevara vs. MJF, which should make for a heck of a grudge match. Throw in the Young Bucks vs. Penta El Zero Miedo/Eddie Kingston and we should be good to go. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Chris Jericho is here for commentary.

Young Bucks vs. Penta El Zero Miedo/Eddie Kingston

Non-title but if Penta/Kingston win, they get a title shot later. The Bucks debut their latest horrible look with some rather thin facial hair. Matt gets taken down for an early rollup to start and Kingston holds the legs for Penta’s top rope double stomp. It’s off to Nick to take Penta down though and the double fist drop sets up some pelvic thrusting. Penta gets sent outside where he grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Matt.

Back in and a high crossbody hits Nick, allowing the hot tag off to Kingston to start the house cleaning. Kingston is taken outside though and a knockdown sets up the apron moonsault/splash combination. Back in and Matt grabs a chinlock, but Kingston fights up again. That earns him a running knee to the face but More Bang For Your Buck is broken up. A superplex plants Nick though and the hot tag brings in Penta to start striking away. Everything breaks down and a corkscrew Code Red gets three but the referee calls it two anyway, earning a VERY unimpressed chant from the crowd.

A Backstabber gets a slightly farther apart two but Nick grabs the referee and kicks Penta low. The spike Fear Factor gets two on Penta with Kingston diving in for a save. Cue the Good Brothers (JR: “Where the h*** do they work anyway?”) but Kingston starts the comeback. That earns him a series of superkicks and it’s back to Penta, who gets backdropped to the floor. Brandon Cutler spray Nick in the face with the cold spray, so here is Kazarian to take him out. Penta hits the big flip dive onto everyone and the Fear Factor into the spinning backfist finally puts Matt away at 13:50.

Rating: B-. It took a lot but it was nice to see the Bucks lose for a change. You can only be so unbeatable for so long before it stops having any impact so it making them seem a little vulnerable is a good idea. I’m not sure I buy Penta and Kingston’s chances of winning the titles, but it gave them a bit of an opening and that is a good thing.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Christian Cage gives Jungle Boy another pep talk, saying he’ll be World Champion one day. Tonight is important too though, as Boy can be the first AEW wrestler to fifty wins. The rest of Jurassic Express comes in with Luchasaurus thanking Christian for having Boy’s back on Saturday. Christian happens to be related to a dinosaur and Luchasaurus is interested.

Here are the Men Of The Year for a chat about Ethan Page’s match against Darby Allin. Page is sick of trying to get rid of Darby Allin so it is time to try and exterminate him. After everything he has put Allin through, both here and on the independent circuit, Page needs to do more. Every time Allin tries the Coffin Drop, it’s going to get even worse….and here is Sting, pulling a coffin. Allin is inside of course and house is cleaned in a hurry. Page and Scorpio Sky bail out, with Page saying the coffin match is off for next week. If Allin will agree to not touch him until the match, MAYBE they can do this at Fyter Fest.

Jungle Boy vs. Jack Evans

They go technical to start with neither being able to get very far. An early Snare Trap attempt sends Evans bailing to the ropes, setting up a kick to the ribs. A very springboard wristdrag sends Evans down and a dropkick does the same. We take a break and come back with Boy dropkicking the knee out and hitting a hard clothesline. Evans catches him up top but a German superplex is escaped. Boy catches him in the Tree of Woe for a quick shot and the Snare Trap makes Evans tap at 6:06.

Rating: C. Boy has one of the best attributes you can have as a wrestler: likability. There is something about him that makes you want to see him win and that is going to take him a very long way. The fact that he can wrestle a good match with just about anyone is going to make it even better, and it has been working so far.

Post match here is the Hardy Family Office for the brawl, but Christian and the rest of Jurassic Express comes in for the big brawl. Christian chokes Hardy with the suit jacket until Evans makes the save, allowing Hardy to escape.

MJF talks about how he infiltrated the Inner Circle and started his own stable with the Pinnacle. It amazes him to see how Chris Jericho has turned into a version of the Looney Tunes and we hear about some things Jericho has done. MJF is feeling generous though and is willing to give Jericho some stipulations to get one more match. If Jericho can meet those, which he won’t, he has to leave MJF alone once MJF beats him again. That’s for next week though, because tonight Sammy Guevara has to learn that while he’s the future, MJF is the now. MJF was all fired up here, which is where he does his best.

Andrade El Idolo, in English and Spanish, with subtitles, wants to face Matt Sydal (“Matt Something”) at Road Rager in Miami.

Tony Schiavone brings out Kenny Omega, also with some questionable facial hair, for a chat. Omega talks about how earlier today, Tony asked him how he stayed motivated to find that next gear. Tony: “I didn’t ask you anything today.” Omega lists off everyone that he has beaten (or at least their accolades) before saying there is no one left in the rankings to face. That means he is going to take some time off from around here so he’ll be defending his other titles at the moment.

Cue the Dark Order with Evil Uno saying there are some challenges left. Omega laughs that off (fair) as the fans chant for some COWBOY S***. Uno admits that they don’t have the singles wins to make that work, but they know someone who does. Omega knows who they mean but doesn’t think he has the guys. This is where Omega bids them goodbye and goodnight and that’s that. They had me a bit scared with the Dark Order tease so the ending helped.

Brian Pillman Jr. didn’t like Miro putting his hands on Griff Garrison, who is like a brother to him. This isn’t just about the TNT Title, because this is personal.

TNT Title: Miro vs. Brian Pillman Jr.

Miro is defending and throws him into the corner to start. There’s an Irish whip into the corner and Miro starts hammering on the back. Miro slams him down again and we take an early break. Back again with Pillman making a comeback and sending Miro into the barricade. Air Pillman connects for two and Pillman hits a few superkicks but Miro hits his own. Game Over knocks Pillman out at 8:40.

Rating: C+. The 180 that Miro has done is outstanding as he is now one of the best things going in AEW. He is a serious monster at this point who is running through everyone in front of him. On top of that, his God’s champion deal is excellent and it is fun to watch him every time he is on screen. On top of that too, you have him wrecking people in the ring to make it even better.

Hangman Page is ticked off as the Dark Order for bringing him up to Kenny Omega. They don’t think he’s scared of Omega but they think he might be scared of failure. They’re here for him….and then leave him alone. Page doesn’t seem sure about this being his time.

Taz talks about how Team Taz is not at full strength, but sometimes family has to fight to clean things up. That’s why on July 14, Brian Cage is defending the FTW Title against a medically cleared Ricky Starks.

Rebel/Britt Baker vs. Nyla Rose/Vickie Guerrero

Baker jumps Vickie to start so Rebel can fail at a choke on Rose. A splash crushes Rebel and now it’s off to Vickie, meaning the Eddie Dance is back. We take a break and come back with Baker coming in for a Sling Blade on Rose. That earns her a failed Beast Bomb attempt and a low superkick staggers Rose. The glove is loaded up but Rose is back with a chokeslam. The splash in the ropes gets two but Baker pulls Vickie comes in, only to get pulled out of the corner. Lockjaw finishes Vickie at 6:55.

Rating: D+. So what was the plan here? Vickie asked for this match and then didn’t do anything out of the ordinary here, making it little more than a handicap match. That’s a weird way to go, unless the plan was just to be a distraction so Rose could do her thing. It really didn’t work and doesn’t exactly make Vickie look that smart.

Post match Rose lays Baker out again and it’s a powerbomb off the apron and through a table at ringside. Rebel seems to have been hurt, as she disappeared about halfway through the match and never came back.

The Inner Circle is ready for their six man tag against the Pinnacle next week because it’s time for some revenge. They’ll have their dogs around to deal with Tully Blanchard too.

Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. Sammy Guevara

MJF bails to the floor to start before coming back in to run the ropes…into a strut. Guevara is back with a weak strut but misses a dropkick. Sammy runs him over but the GTH is countered into a pinfall reversal sequence with both guys nipping up. A rake to the eyes doesn’t cause Sammy many problems as he sends MJF into the buckle. It’s too early for the 630 so MJF bails outside, only to get caught with a double springboard cutter for two back inside.

They head outside again with Guevara being sent into the barricade as we take a break. Back with MJF tying him in the ring skirt for some forearms but Guevara grabs a backdrop. A springboard is countered into a sitout powerbomb to give MJF two but a Spanish Fly gives Guevara two. Guevara sends him to the floor for a big running corkscrew dive, followed by a springboard Canadian Destroyer for two more.

MJF is back with a shot of his own and grabs a chair, which is dropkicked into his face. That sends MJF over the barricade and Sammy busts out a CRAZY dive from the top to take MJF out again (that was amazing). Back in and Sammy goes up but MJF crotches him down. MJF hits a super Tombstone and that gets two, while also banging up MJF’s knee.

Another pinfall reversal sequence gets two each until Sammy hits the GTH for two, as MJF’s foot is in the rope. The 630 connects for two more and here is Shawn Spears. Chris Jericho gets up from commentary to cut him off but Wardlow jumps Jericho from behind and throws him off a not very tall platform. Spears gets in the chair to Guevara to give MJF the pin at 20:07.

Rating: B. This was a crazy match with some amazing athleticism and way too much going on to bog it down. There was too much interference, far too many people involved and at least two spots that either should have finished the match or not been included. The result was fine as MJF is gearing up for the mega showdown with Jericho, but there was too much here and it brought it down from great to good.

We get a rather nice highlight package on the time in Jacksonville with a song talking about thanking everyone for being there. That’s pretty cool of AEW after almost a year and a half. JR: “There is nothing like seeing WWE Dynamite live!” End of show. I know it’s just a slip of the tongue, but that has happened, way, way too often for JR and they need to do something about it.

Overall Rating: B+. Now this was more like the old school Dynamite which worked out rather well. They had good action up and down the card while also setting up some things for the future. It was energized, had the right flow and did everything they needed to do. I had a good time watching this and it flew by with a heck of a pair of bookend matches. Awesome show here and their best in a long time.

Results
Penta El Zero Miedo/Eddie Kingston b. Young Bucks – Spinning backfist to Matt
Jungle Boy b. Jack Evans – Snare Trap
Miro b. Brian Pillman Jr. – Game Over
Rebel/Britt Baker b. Vickie Guerrero/Nyla Rose – Lockjaw to Guerrero
Maxwell Jacob Friedman b. Sammy Guevara – Chair shot

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Dynamite
Date: June 26, 2021
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross, Excalibur

We’re finally out of the Friday night cycle with a Saturday show. It’s also a huge show with Jungle Boy challenging Kenny Omega for the World Title in the main event. That alone should be enough, but you know that AEW is going to have a lot of other stuff to fill in the gaps. It’s rather nice to have that reassurance so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Earlier today, Shawn Spears jumped Sammy Guevara with a chair, compliments of MJF.

Hangman Page vs. Powerhouse Hobbs

Hobbs drives him into the corner to start but Page is right back with some right hands to the floor. Page follows him out for the slugout but Hobbs sends the arm into the barricade. Back in and a suplex drops Page and Hobbs stays on the arm. Page gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Hobbs but the bad arm goes into the post. That’s enough to cut Page’s head open as well, which fires him up enough for some boots to the face.

A springboard clothesline knocks Hobbs from the apron to the floor, setting up the slingshot dive. Back in again and Page gets two off a moonsault, only to have Hobbs run him over with a clothesline. A hammerlock slam sets up a missed falling headbutt so Page blasts him with a clothesline of his own for two.

Hobbs hits a hard crossbody but here is Ricky Starks with the FTW World Title. Brian Cage comes out and collects the title so Page tries the Buckshot Lariat, which is countered into a spinebuster for two. Hobbs gets back up but walks into the Deadeye to give Page the fast pin at 11:09.

Rating: C+. This was two hard hitting guys beating each other up until the ending. The arm work meant that the Buckshot Lariat was off the table so it was nice to see Page bust out the Deadeye instead. Page making a comeback win is a good thing to see, even as Team Taz’s problems continue.

Video on Jungle Boy vs. Kenny Omega, with Boy having a shot at pulling it off.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

The Young Bucks have been called overrated but they’re the longest reigning Tag Team Champions in company history. They list off all of the teams they have taken out and now it’s time to do the same to Penta El Zero Miedo and Eddie Kingston. They’re the EVP’s: Extremely Violent People. The Bucks are a lot of things but violent?

Here are Tully Blanchard and Konnan for a face to face discussion and this could be fascinating. Blanchard talks about Konnan interfering in Stadium Stampede and lets him go first. Konnan says that’s a mind game but Santana and Ortiz aren’t going to be intimidated. He knows that Tully and FTR are from North Carolina, where men are men and sheep are scared. Konnan talks about Santana and Ortiz being from New York City, where they are used to racial profiling and fighting against oppression.

Blanchard says he knows the three of them because he has done his research. All Konnan is going to do is make one appearance and then it’s over for him. Konnan says Tully is lucky that Walmart is still hiring greeters because Santana and Ortiz are like scarecrows: outstanding in their field. Cue Santana and Ortiz….but we see the two of them down in the back because Santana and Ortiz pull down their hoods and masks to reveal FTR. The spike piledriver lays out Konnan in a great swerve.

Dante Martin vs. Matt Sydal

Before the match, Vickie Guerrero brings out Andrade El Idolo for an announcement but Sydal’s entrance cuts that off. Andrade isn’t happy as Vickie holds him back. They go to the mat to start but a springboard takes Sydal down. A rather quick headscissors sends Sydal into the corner but he takes out Martin’s leg as we take a break. Back with Sydal in control in the corner until Martin hits a Death Valley Driver. A double springboard moonsault gets two on Sydal, followed by a flipping Stunner for the same. Sydal kicks him in the head though and the Lightning Spiral is good for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: C+. Martin got to fly around here and showcase himself, which means a bit more against someone as established as Sydal. Granted I’m not sure how much Sydal needed the win here, but at least Martin got in a bit of a showcase. Fun match here, which is what you probably expected from these two.

Christian Cage tells Jungle Boy to be ticked off tonight because some people don’t think he should be here. Boy shocked people before, so do it again.

Mark Sterling tells us about Jade Cargill’s shirts being 10% off on Shop AEW. They have already been selling well, including the XXL because wrestling fans. Cargill isn’t surprised because she’s that b****.

MJF, with the Pinnacle, talks about how people are upset about him beating up Dean Malenko last week. Who cares if he beat up a 60 year old man with a bad heart and Parkinson’s Disease? People are throwing rocks at him when they should be throwing flowers but here are Chris Jericho and Jake Hager to start the brawl.

They fight into the arena with the Pinnacle’s numbers advantage getting the better of things. Sammy Guevara comes in for the save, including a chair shot to Wardlow’s head. Sammy says that this Wednesday, he is going to prove that AEW bet on the wrong man. Guevara still feels like the breakout star in the making.

Miro does not like Brian Pillman Jr. That’s why Pillman is going to find out why he is God’s favorite wrestler on Wednesday.

Bear Bronson vs. Ethan Page

Bear Boulder and Scorpio Sky are here too. The power shoves Page around to start and a powerslam gives Bronson two. Page gets sent to the floor where Sky pushes him out of the way to take the big dive. Boulder doesn’t like it but the distraction lets Bronson get sent into the barricade. Page hammers away and we take a break.

Back with Bronson hammering away and planting Page but missing the backsplash. Page’s sunset flip earns him a drop onto his chest for two so Bronson goes up, only to be superplexed back down. Sky tries a distraction and gets punched by Reed, leaving Page to catch Bronson on top with a low blow. The Ego’s Edge (with Page walking him around first for an impressive visual) finishes Bronson at 9:47.

Rating: C. The match itself was just ok, but that Ego’s Edge was awesome with Page looking like a monster by being able to throw Bronson around. Bear Country has a unique look and you can always use a pair of big monsters like them. I’m still needing more on the Men of the Year, but at least they have a bit of a highlight moment here.

Post match, Page says he isn’t done with Darby Allin and wants to be the nail in his coffin. Therefore at Road Rager, Page wants a coffin match.

Britt Baker and Reba can think of a million things to ask for if Tony Khan owed him a favor, but Vickie Guerrero used it to set up a tag match. Baker says this is a new era and it isn’t time for old women in a wrestling ring. Don’t worry though because Vickie will get a nice prescription signed Dr. Britt Baker DMD.

Vickie Guerrero says next week is a warmup for Fyter Fest, when Rose takes the title.

Bunny vs. Kris Statlander

Blade and Orange Cassidy are here too. Bunny takes Statlander down to start but talks too much trash, allowing Statlander to pull her into a suplex. Some right hands to the face have Bunny in trouble until she dumps Statlander out to the floor. There’s a running dropkick into the barricade and we take a break. Back with Bunny hitting a running knee, setting up a big double crash out to the floor.

They head back in with Bunny blocking the Big Bang Theory, meaning Statlander has to settle for the Blue Thunder Bomb and a near fall. Statlander goes up so it’s a German superplex to bring her back down. Bunny’s low superkick gets two and she is stunned by the kickout. Blade throws in the brass knuckles but Cassidy comes in to intercept them and drops them in his pocket. The Big Bang Theory finishes Bunny at 9:14.

Rating: C. Just a match here as the stable wars continue, this time between the Hardy Family Office and the Best Friends. Statlander isn’t quite as good as she was before the injury but she is far from bad. Bunny is still only kind of there, but at she is doing fine in the limited chances she gets.

Post match here are Jack Evans and Angelico to lay out Cassidy, including a big brass knuckles shot (with commentary pointing out that Chuck Taylor is with Trent, who had neck fusion surgery).

QT Marshall doesn’t like Brock Anderson being named Wrestler of the Week after he didn’t get the same honor for beating Cody Rhodes a few weeks back. Marshall is ready for Cody in a strap match and only wants to be a champion around here.

Brian Pillman Jr. thinks Miro has a messiah complex but Miro isn’t here to save anyone. Pillman has a complex too, and it’s called being born on the wrong side of the tracks and having to fight for everything. He’s coming for the TNT Title.

Eddie Kingston and Penta El Zero Miedo are ready to fight the Young Bucks, because the Bucks are all about egos. That’s why taking the Tag Team Titles is what is going to hurt their egos more than anything. Penta promises violence.

AEW World Title: Kenny Omega vs. Jungle Boy

Boy is challenging and after the Big Match Intros, Marko Stunt stays inside because of course he does. Thankfully the referee ejects everyone else, meaning Don Callis can join commentary. Feeling out process to start with Omega seeming to be a bit hesitant to go straight at Boy. Omega tries the rolling fireman’s carry but Boy slips out in a hurry and dropkicks him to the floor.

We take an early break and come back with Boy grabbing a small package for two but walking into a heck of a brainbuster for two. Boy fights up and knocks Omega to the floor for a suicide elbow, followed by a suicide dive. Another dive is broken up as Omega gets back in so Boy hits a springboard tornado DDT. That’s enough to send Omega outside and now the big flip dive takes him down again. Back in and the V Trigger misses, allowing Boy to hit a superkick.

The V Trigger into the Snapdragon sets up another V Trigger but the One Winged Angel is countered into a nasty poisonrana. Boy hits a running shot to the back of the head for two more but Omega is right back with another V Trigger. Believe it or not, that’s followed by another V Trigger for two. Another V Trigger is countered into the Snare Trap but here is the Elite. Cue the rest of Jurassic Express and Kazarian for the save as Omega makes the rope.

They slug it out until Omega hits another V Trigger but Boy bounces off the ropes with a discus rebound lariat. Omega hits another brainbuster into another V Trigger but the One Winged Angel is countered into another Snare Trap. A rake of the eyes gets Omega out of trouble and he goes up top, where a super hurricanrana attempt is countered into a face first drop onto the buckle. Another V Trigger into a tiger driver 98 gets two more on Boy. The One Winged Angel retains the title at 17:17.

Rating: B+. They picked up the pace at the end here and you could tell Omega was taking it a bit more seriously given all of the V Triggers. Boy got in a lot here too as this was one of those matches where he showed he could hang at the next level. This was a big time TV main event, even if there was no real doubt about who was going to win.

Post match Omega loads up the belt shot but here is Christian Cage for the save. Cue the Hardy Family Office to jump Christian but the Twist of Fate is countered into a Killswitch attempt because the Young Bucks run in for the double superkick. Now the Twist of Fate can lay Christian out to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The main event and maybe the opener here were all that mattered but there was nothing bad and it actually felt like something important happened. That has really been lacking from the Friday shows but they tried a bit harder with the better time slot. Things are back to normal next week and they finish out their weirdly scheduled weeks with a return to form, as things are working on the way back to Wednesday.

Results
Hangman Page b. Powerhouse Hobbs – Deadeye
Matt Sydal b. Dante Martin – Lightning Spiral
Ethan Page b. Bear Bronson – Ego’s Edge
Kris Statlander b. Bunny – Big Bang Theory
Kenny Omega b. Jungle Boy – Snare Trap

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: November 15, 2001
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is another request and it’s the go home show for Survivor Series. In other words, it’s all about the WWF vs. the Alliance as there is still the faint hope that the Alliance could pull off a miracle and not get destroyed on Sunday in the Winner Take All match. I’m not sure why this was requested but maybe it’s for a fond farewell. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Van Dam’s Hardcore Title isn’t on the line. Kane shoves him into the corner to start and the stomping is on in a hurry. The gorilla press doesn’t work so Van Dam tries the kicks, only to get clotheslined. The fans are behind Van Dam (in the Alliance mind you) as Kane steps on his back in the corner. Kane drives him back first into the corner but Van Dam kicks him back down. Rolling Thunder gives Van Dam two but Kane is right back with Snake Eyes. Kane catches him on top for a superplex so here’s Booker T. (also Alliance) for a distraction, allowing Van Dam to hit his top rope kick to the chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but it serves a fine enough purpose of getting you ready for Sunday. This is one where the building momentum actually makes sense and could mean a little something on Sunday, though I doubt Van Dam and Kane are going to be the biggest players in the match.

Post match Undertaker comes out to chase Booker off.

Test is messing with his XBOX when Stacy Keibler (then managing the Dudleys in a nice fit) comes in to ask if he’s ready for their six man. She confirms that he is in fact WAY hotter than Edge.

Chris Jericho comes in to see Rock before their tag team match against Steve Austin and Kurt Angle. They aren’t getting along at the moment and various words are censored. Jericho isn’t going to be attacking him anytime soon because he’ll be leading the WWF into Survivor Series. Rock responds with a knock knock joke about leading the company and making sure Jericho has a job.

Jericho will take Rock out, but he’ll waiting until after Survivor Series. Rock shakes his hand so Jericho goes for the cool handshake, which Rock doesn’t like. See, Jericho is cool like the Fonz….so Rock pretends to shoot a duck and holsters his finger gun? Eh who cares as this was an amazing feud.

Edge/Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz/Test

Lita and Stacy Keibler are here as this is a preview of two Survivor Series title matches. In other words, ALL SIX are champions, because there were far too many titles around at this point. Bubba shoulders Edge down to start but walks into a flapjack. It’s off to Matt as everything breaks down in a hurry. We settle down to Test clotheslining Matt and hammering him down in the corner. Matt fights out of the corner without much trouble and brings in Jeff (in his snazzy hat) but Bubba elbows him down as well.

A neckbreaker gets two on Jeff and Matt’s failed save attempt lets D-Von hit What’s Up. Bubba misses the middle rope backsplash though and it’s back to Edge to clean house. Everything breaks down with Edge and Jeff taking over, including a big slingshot dive from Jeff to Test…which misses. Stacy gets on the apron for a failed distraction though and Edge spears D-Von down for the pin.

Rating: C. It was certainly action packed and that’s the best thing you can have in a match like this. While there was an absurd number of titles in one match, it always makes sense to tie two feuds into one. The hot sequence at the end helped, but there is only so much you can do with so many people and so little time.

Post match Lita knocks Stacy knocks off the apron and into Matt’s arms. Lita isn’t happy so Matt drops her in a funny bit. The Dudleyz use the distraction to give Lita the 3D with Stacy holding Matt’s leg.

Post break Matt apologizes to Lita and kisses her before having a rather odd look on her face.

Big Show vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Show is dressed as Page, including the rather large, white teeth. The real Page comes out…and gets chokeslammed with one hand for the pin in about thirty seconds.

Post match Shane McMahon runs in to hit Show with a chair.

Paul Heyman runs into Stephanie McMahon’s office and talks about how awesome that was. Stephanie does one of her patented Only Stephanie Talks This Way promos about how great the Alliance is. Heyman is going to call out Vince McMahon, after this segment which was only there to give Stephanie a cameo.

Here’s Heyman to talk about how the Alliance is standing up to the tyranny of Vince McMahon and the WWF. Heyman isn’t the one who ruined everything accomplished by Steve Austin. Sunday is about ending what Vince tried to accomplish. On Monday, he listened to Mick Foley talking about how the WWF sucked because Vince McMahon doesn’t have it anymore. His ideas and concepts are antiquated and the company is imploding from within.

Vince’s own children have turned on him and on Sunday, Vince’s company will die. His chances of success on Sunday are the same as his chances of running a football league. Cue Vince, with Heyman dropping to his knees for the mock bowing. Heyman asks where Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco are and talks about how much he’s wanted to see someone destroy him. Vince is the most vile disgusting son of a b**** he’s ever seen.

He used Hulk Hogan’s blood to build Titan Towers and sold Bret Hart out to buy a plane with WWF painted on the side. Vince stole Shawn Michaels’ smile and made himself a billionaire. He’s a billionaire on Vince’s father’s hard work and then stole all of the competition’s ideas. Like Heyman’s, when Vince stole everything that ECW created. When Doink the Clown was running around with green hair, Steve Austin was drinking his first beer in ECW. While Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund were dancing, ECW was creating Attitude.

Heyman: “SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!” Vince flaunts his affairs in front of the world for her children to see. Look at Tazz, who was a machine and a wrestler, but since this is sports entertainment, Tazz is a fat commentator. Heyman’s hat comes off and Tazz gets up to choke Heyman out. Vince says that just like Heyman, the Alliance will choke. This was AWESOME with Heyman absolutely losing his mind out there as only he can. I’m not sure how much he believes what he was saying (you never can tell with Heyman) but dang he sold the heck out of the whole thing.

Jim Ross replaces Tazz on commentary.

Booker T. vs. Undertaker

Undertaker jumps him from behind on the ramp and the beating is on around ringside. Booker gets knocked over the announcers’ table before they head inside with Booker hammering away. Undertaker comes right back, says we’re sending a message tonight, grabs a chair, and shoves the referee down for the DQ in just over a minute.

Post match Undertaker hits Booker with the chair and nails the chokeslam.

Video of the WWF on Weakest Link. I liked that show.

Ivory is in William Regal (Alliance Commissioner) and makes a six way match for the vacant Women’s Title at Survivor Series. Ivory is happy and leaves when ace reporter Gregory Helms comes in to ask about the Immunity Battle Royal at Survivor Series, where the winner can’t be fired for a year. Helms knows just the man for the job, takes his glasses off, and flies away.

Steve Austin and Kurt Angle aren’t getting along about trust, so they pinkie swear their loyalty to each other.

Regal threatens Torrie Wilson about their upcoming mixed tag. When the Alliance ends the WWF on Sunday, he can find a position for her.

William Regal/Ivory vs. Torrie Wilson/Tajiri

Ivory chokes Torrie to start and faceplants her for two, followed by some hairmares. She stands on Torrie’s hair for a bonus but Torrie comes back with a clothesline for two. Torrie even throws in a Tajiri handspring elbow and it’s off to the men for a slugout. The Tarantula has Regal in trouble and Ivory takes the mist. Regal drapes Tajiri across the top rope and pulls Torrie in for the Regal Stretch and the DQ.

Rating: D. What is there to say here? Ivory was trying but there is only so much that you can do when Torrie is working most of the match. She was trying but you can’t do anything with her in the ring and that was obvious here. At least they kept it short here, but that’s about the extent of the positives.

Video on the ten man elimination tag, with Vince promising that someone is jumping from the Alliance. As usual in the big situations, they know how to do these really, really well.

Howard Finkel thanks Vince for the last twenty years just in case things go bad on Sunday. Vince insists that they will win on Sunday and don’t EVER touch him again.

Chris Jericho/The Rock vs. Steve Austin/Kurt Angle

Austin and Rock slug it out to start with Rock hitting a running neckbreaker and clothesline. Rock chops away but gets caught with the Thesz press. The middle rope elbow gets two and Angle tags himself in, only to have Rock pull him in. Jericho is in as well with a running forearm to Angle, followed by the middle rope dropkick for two. Angle gets in a knee to the ribs though and it’s back to Austin for the beating in the corner.

Jericho gets over to the corner for the top rope ax handle to the head and it’s back to Angle, who gets chopped backwards. There’s the triangle dropkick to Austin but Angle snaps off the German suplex. The right hands put Jericho down in the corner and Austin blasts him with a clothesline. The Thesz press is countered into a quickly broken Walls though, meaning Angle needs to jump Jericho from behind. Angle’s chinlock doesn’t last long as Jericho rolls out into the ankle lock.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Austin takes him to the top, only to get kicked down. The missile dropkick drops Austin and the enziguri into the Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) is enough for the hot tag to Rock. The spinebuster into the Sharpshooter has Austin in trouble but Angle makes the save with the ankle lock. Jericho breaks that up and takes Angle to the floor, where he suplexes Jericho in a heap. Angle goes back inside to beat on Rock as Austin grabs a chair. The referee calls for the DQ as the chair is wrapped around Rock’s ankle.

Rating: B. It was a big time main event match as Austin vs. Rock is always worth seeing. They beat each other up rather well out there and it makes sense for Austin and Angle to want to destroy Rock’s ankle before Sunday. The ending was the right way to go and hopefully we’re in for a huge match on Sunday to pay it all off.

Undertaker breaks up the Pillmanizing and it’s the rest of the teams coming in for the parade of finishers. Austin Stuns Rock to be the last man standing. Cue Vince to smile at Austin, who smiles back to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Heyman promo and the main event are the only things worth seeing but the point here was making me want to see Sunday’s main event. It’s not like the rest of the show means a thing so going with what we got here was good enough. The entire point here was to focus on the main event though and they did that well enough.

Unfortunately there wasn’t much else on the show worth seeing and it was very obvious here. Couple that with people making the same criticisms of Vince that they would make 18 years later (after the company has become WAY more profitable) and there’s either some amusement or irony to go with the good main event.

 

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Dynamite
Date: June 18, 2021
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Excalibur, Jim Ross, Taz

The Friday series continues with a special match inside an MMA cage. That may or may not be your taste, but it is certainly something different, which you have to do at some point. This time around it is Jake Hager vs. Wardlow, which is about as logical of a move as you can get. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Jake Hager vs. Wardlow

Chris Jericho and Shawn Spears are the seconds here and it is a full octagon, complete with cage. Justin Roberts does his best Bruce Buffer impression, which makes me scared to hear his worst. Wardlow makes sure to turn his back on Hager during the intros, just to show off a bit more. We have three five minute rounds here and you can only win by submission or knockout (no judges).

They circle each other for a bit to start until Hager starts going with the striking. Wardlow doesn’t seem to know what to do with him here as Hager hits a few shots and then walks off to let Wardlow think about it. Hager’s attempt at a double leg gets him tossed away with raw power so Hager tries it again, this time with more success.

Wardlow blocks a kick to the ribs and hits him in the face, followed by a double leg takedown. Some right hands on the mat have Hager a bit more woken up but Wardlow easily wins a slugout. A Superman punch off the cage has Hager rocked and Warlow unloads on him until the round ends.

We start the second round with Hager in big trouble so he tries the grappling. That earns him another trip to the mat with Wardlow hammering away. A cross armbreaker is broken up so Hager floats over into a cover for some right hands to the face. Now Hager’s cross armbreaker is blocked but he grabs a triangle to put Wardlow in more trouble. That’s broken up so Hager grabs an ankle lock, which is broken up with a kick to the chest.

Back up and Wardlow powerbombs him into the cage, followed by a running hurricanrana. A spear lets Wardlow hammer away but Hager pulls him into the head and arm choke. Wardlow powers up but it’s a Rock Bottom right back into the hold in the middle of the ring. Hager cranks away as Wardlow flips off Jericho and passes out at 4:00 into the second round (10:00 total).

Rating: B-. I’m really not sure what to call something like this as it was a wrestling/MMA hybrid. It helps that they had someone who knows how to do that style in the face place and didn’t bother going far too long with the thing. Keep something like this relatively short and go with more wrestling than MMA and it will work out, which is what they did here.

Post match respect is teased but Spears comes in to jump Hager. Jericho comes in but the beatdown is on, with MJF coming in to put Jericho in the Salt of the Earth. Cue Dean Malenko for the save so MJF hits him as well. Now it’s Sammy Guevara coming in for the real save to clear the cage.

Frankie Kazarian, Penta and Eddie Kingston are ready for the Elite tonight, with Kazarian quoting the Bible about letting God take care of vengeance. He doesn’t quite agree with that because it is time to take out the Elite tonight. Kingston says pray to your God to take your souls because your a**** belong to them. Penta: “Cero miedo!”.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Team Taz, minus Brian Cage, knows there are issues with the team but let’s focus on Hangman Page. He won a handicap match last week so let’s have Page vs. Powerhouse Hobbs next week.

Men Of The Year vs. Darby Allin

Allin has asked Sting to not be here. Ethan Page starts for the team and gets taken down with an early springboard armdrag. Allin takes him down again but a cheap shot puts him down. A hard toss sends Allin into the corner and it’s off to Sky as we take a break. Back with Sky hitting a backbreaker but Allin grabs a rollup for two. Page taunts Allin over having no one to tag but Allin manages a Scorpion Death Drop. It’s back to Sky as Allin tags himself and hits a Code Red for two.

The referee doesn’t like the double teaming so Allin whips out a zip tie to tie up Page’s legs. Some rollups get two on Sky and the flipping Stunner is good for the same, with Page making the save. Page finds a tool box to cut himself free and there’s a hard posting to knock Allin silly. Back in and Page takes him up top but Allin bites the hand to escape. That earns him a crotching from Sky, setting up the Ego’s Edge to finish Allin at 11:58.

Rating: C. The zip tie was clever but I can’t bring myself to get into Page and Sky. They’re the definition of just there for me and that makes for some pretty weak appearances. That being said, they needed the win here and are the kind of team who should be bragging about winning a handicap match. Allin looked stupid for taking the match, but he has never been presented as the brightest guy.

Cezar Bononi vs. Orange Cassidy

The Wingmen and the Best Friends are all at ringside. Bononi throws Cassidy into the corner to start and forces Cassidy’s hands into his pockets. Cassidy gets tossed outside so the Wingmen can spray tan him. Back in and Bononi throws him outside again, where they mess with Cassidy’s hair and put him in Ryan Nemeth’s HUNK jacket.

Bononi joins him for a change and this time Cassidy jumps onto him, only to get caught. The Best Friends finally get involved and put Cassidy’s glasses on him, setting up the huge toss dive (with the Wingmen standing there while it is being set up). Back in and the Orange Punch finishes Bononi at 5:14.

Rating: D-. Yeah I know I’m old and don’t know how to have fun but this was absolutely not for me. The idea of Peter Avalon having a stable is an even bigger stretch than QT Marshall and this was just a mess. Way too many people running around and the Wingmen standing there for ten seconds while the Best Friends set something up made it even worse. I know a lot of people love Cassidy and that’s all well and good, but this really did not work for me.

Kenny Omega and Don Callis run into Jungle Boy, with Omega saying that Boy tarnished his image last week. Omega doesn’t like being disrespected and is ready to fight right now. Boy gets ready but Michael Nakazawa gets in a cheap shot from behind. Boy fights back so the villains run to their golf cart, with Omega kicking Nakazawa off and shouting he’ll get Boy next week. Omega: “NEXT WEEK!!!” Eh points for a Dr. Claw moment.

The Hardy Family Office thinks there might have been some people working together in the Casino Battle Royal. Matt Hardy doesn’t like Christian Cage, who pops up to try and go after him. Cage gets locked in….well in a cage actually, with Hardy offering him a deal to stop this, but Cage doesn’t seem interested.

Brock Anderson/Cody Rhodes vs. Aaron Solow/QT Marshall

This is Brock (Arn’s son) debut and he does not exactly have the most impressive physique. He takes Solow down to start so Marshall comes in instead. Brock grabs Marshall by the arm so it’s right back to Solow, with Cody diving onto Marshall. Back in and Cody can’t grab an armdrag so Solow takes him into the corner. That doesn’t last long so Brock comes back in for some gutwrench suplexes, only to walk into Marshall’s spinebuster.

We take a break and come back with Brock getting out of the corner and diving over to Cody. Solow is smart enough to offer a distraction though, meaning the referee doesn’t see it. A belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination gets two on Brock but he avoids a charge and gets over to Cody for the hot tag. House is cleaned in a hurry as everything breaks down. Cody takes Marshall out to the ramp and Brock jacknife rolls Solow up for the pin at 10:01.

Rating: C-. This is a tricky one as it was Brock’s debut and it’s not quite fair to grade him like a seasoned veteran. That being said, if he wasn’t Arn’s son, he would be laughed out of most tryouts. He had no physique to speak of and was as generic of a guy in trunks as you could ask for. The match wasn’t bad due to how fast paced they kept things, but Brock needs to be a one off for the time being.

Jake Roberts says Lance Archer couldn’t be a doctor because he has no patience.

Earlier today, JR sat down with Andrade El Idolo and asked him why he’s here in AEW. Andrade says that he deserves an opportunity at the top titles around here. JR brings up Vickie Guerrero, with Andrade saying they’re perfect together because they both come from big wrestling families. But wait, because they have a surprise.

The Dark Order is happy because John Silver’s shoulder is healed. Hangman Page doesn’t want to talk about the World Title, but he would like to praise Evil Uno for his work last week.

Julia Hart vs. Penelope Ford

Haven’t seen Ford in a bit. Hart gets headlocked down to start and sent to the apron for a slingshot knee drop. We take an early break and come back with Hart hitting her clotheslines but she misses a running version in the corner. Ford tries a flipping clothesline but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Ford’s next clothesline connects for two and she catches Hart’s kick to the ribs. A slap sets up a fireman’s carry gutbuster but Ford misses a moonsault. Hart misses a split legged moonsault though and it’s a Muta Lock to give Ford the win at 7:08.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here and that sequence in the corner was nearly brutal. Ford hasn’t been around for a bit but she is still a big enough deal to beat Hart, who has mainly been a manager. This wasn’t exactly good, but it was a fair enough way to bring Ford back onto the show.

Post match the hold stays on so the Varsity Blondes make the save. Miro runs in to go after Brian Pillman Jr. and they have to be held apart. I could go for this.

Vickie Guerrero interrupts Britt Baker and Reba to say they smell bad and like cheeseburgers. She has done them a favor and set up the two of them against Nyla Rose and herself next week. Britt certainly approves.

Video on FTR vs. Santana/Ortiz. They come from different parts of the country and both of them know how tough they are. FTR brags about having accomplished more in six months than Santana and Ortiz have in two years, so their next win will be another notch in their legacy. No date is given, but FTR not having a regular tag match on Dynamite since February needs to be fixed soon.

Mark Sterling and Jade Cargill have a deal with a hotel in Toronto so her opponents can have a place to recover. She is going to continue her winning streak because she is that b****.

Matt Jackson/Good Brothers vs. Frankie Kazarian/Eddie Kingston/Penta El Zero Miedo

Don Callis joins commentary as the Nick Jackson and Brandon Cutler are at ringside. Matt takes Kazarian down to start so it’s off to Penta to clean a bit of house. Kingston comes in to brawl to the floor with Gallows as everything breaks down. We take a break and come back with Kingston hitting a release belly to belly on Matt for a breather.

The hot tag brings in Penta to wreck things, including a kick to put Anderson on the floor and a big flip dive onto both Brothers. Everything breaks down with Matt getting hit with something from everyone, capped off by Angel’s Wings from Kazarian with Gallows making the save. The Magic Killer is broken up but Anderson kicks Penta in the face. The Backstabber out of the corner drops Anderson but Nick Jackson sprays the cold stuff into Penta’s eyes. A top rope neckbreaker gives Anderson the pin on Penta at 14:02.

Rating: C-. These Buck matches are getting rougher and rougher, as they continue to survive against everyone while getting the last laugh. It’s ok to give up something at some point, especially in a match where the team isn’t even together. The match was also all over the place and never stopped moving, which was a bit much here. It’s ok to slow things down a bit, but that was never going to be the case for these guys.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t one of their better shows but the energy remained high and there was enough good stuff in there to carry it. You still get the feeling that these shows are a little less important than others, but again, what are you expecting from a show ending at midnight on a Friday in the middle of June? AEW is just riding this time out and that makes sense given the situation they’re in at the moment.

With all that being said, this show really, really needs to cut down on the amount of people they include every week. There are just WAY too many people on this show, with most of them in factions. You had six groups (Inner Circle, Pinnacle, Best Friends, Wingmen, Nightmare Family, Nightmare Factory) featured in the first four matches. It’s overwhelming and having so many people out there distracts from the ones who are supposed to be featured. Just cool it down a bit and let the people with the star power shine instead of having an entourage for everyone.

Results
Jake Hager b. Wardlow – Head and arm choke
Men of the Year b. Darby Allin – Ego’s Edge
Orange Cassidy b. Cezar Bononi – Orange Punch
Brock Anderson/Cody Rhodes b. Aaron Solow/QT Marshall – Jackknife rollup to Solow
Penelope Ford b. Julia Hart – Muta Lock
Good Brothers/Matt Jackson b. Frankie Kazarian/Eddie Kingston/Penta El Zero Miedo – Top rope neckbreaker to Penta

 

 

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Call this a little preview.Chris Jericho/Johnny Swinger/Lenny Lane/Norman Smiley vs. Konnan/Hector Garza/Rey Mysterio Jr./Silver King
Date: January 27, 1999
Location: Heart O’Texas Fair Complex, Waco, Texas
Attendance: 2,423

So this is from a special that was taped called Fesitval de Lucha Libre, which was a lucha themed show that never aired in America. The idea was to have a show to counteract WWF Super Astros show (which did last for a bit) but this was never picked up so off to the Hidden Gems section it goes. For some reason Fit Finlay is here with Jericho’s team as well, as we go full international with the villainy. Jericho wants the various women at ringside gone because he is the star around here you see.

Konnan and Jericho (who is getting A LOT of cheers) start things off but Jericho hands it off to Lane instead. Mysterio comes in to hammer away after a minute of stalling. Rey sends Lenny into the corner for a Bronco Buster and a double tag brings in Swinger and Garza. Swinger takes over with a clothesline and sends him to the apron but Garza is right back with a clothesline of his own.

Smiley comes in with an elbow to the face and we get what sounds like a negative chant about someone. The crowd volume goes WAY down in a hurry and it’s Jericho suplexing Garza down for the arrogant two. King breaks up Swinger’s cover and comes in, only to get beaten up by Smiley. There’s the Swinging Slam into the Big Wiggle, which should get a lot more praise. Two referees have to hold Konnan back, allowing a quadruple stomping and a posting to keep King in trouble.

Finlay gets in a shot as well and it’s a powerslam from Lane for two back inside. A faceplant out of the corner has King down again but he scores with a spinwheel kick. There’s a dive over the top onto Lane and that’s as good as a tag around here, meaning Rey can come in to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and Jericho gets the Liontamer on Garza for the tap at 8:00.

Rating: C. I’m not sure how many people were expecting a pretty formula based match here and it didn’t exactly fit the theme. You have Mysterio and Garza on the tecnico team and you do a pretty run of the mill American style tag match? I’m not sure what the thinking was here but it didn’t exactly work out that well.

Post match a brawl seems to break out but the camera is looking at the crowd.

Roadblock: End of the Line
Date: December 18, 2016
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

We’ll wrap up the pay per view calendar with this show, our third pay per view in about a month. This isn’t the hottest card in the world with a fairly lame main event of United States Champion Roman Reigns challenging Kevin Owens for the Universal Title. There’s also an Iron Man match as Sasha Banks defends the Women’s Title against Charlotte. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Rusev vs. Big Cass

This is over Big Cass defending Enzo Amore, who tried to sleep with Rusev’s life. Before the match, Enzo says something about Lana owing him money and Rusev playing Jumanji in the hotel room. Enzo puts on a red nose and Cass lists off the eight reindeer. Cass kicks Rusev in the face and we take a break less than thirty seconds in.

Back with Cass hammering away and dropping the Empire Elbow for no cover. They head outside Rusev taking him out into the crowd, leaving Enzo to go after Lana. Rusev defends his wife while Cass checks on Enzo, leaving Rusev to beat the count at 4:33. Not enough for a rating but this was rematch bait.

The opening video has a police chase theme with the idea being that everything ends at the end of the line.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Cesaro/Sheamus

New Day is defending. Big E. is confused about what the show is called because he thinks it’s a rather different, very un-PG kind of blocking. I’ll let you figure out what the joke there is. Woods suggests that the challengers should be called Swing Low Irish Chariot. Cesaro dropkicks Kofi at the bell for two and it’s already time for the uppercut train. It’s too early for the Swing so Sheamus clotheslines Kofi instead.

The slingshot shoulder gets two on Kingston and Swiss Death is good for the same. This has been completely one sided so far. Kofi breaks up the ten forearms and brings in Big E. for the spear off the apron. The Warrior Splash gets two on Sheamus and everything breaks down. Sheamus kicks Cesaro by mistake and Woods kicks Cesaro by design, setting up the Big Ending for a very close two.

The Midnight Hour is broken up and Big E. gets the Brogue Kick. Cesaro Swings Kofi into the Sharpshooter for the submission….but Woods has the referee. Cesaro lifts Kofi up into a suplex and rolls into the Neutralizer for two with Big E. making the save this time. That was some scary power, as is always the case with Cesaro.

Woods sacrifices himself to take the Brogue Kick and the SOS gets two on Sheamus. Cesaro comes in without a tag (though Sheamus was right next to him), meaning Kofi kicks Cesaro for no count. Instead Sheamus sneaks in and rolls Kofi up for the pin and the titles at 10:00.

Rating: B-. The ending was really good but I have no interest in Sheamus and Cesaro holding the belts. It’s more than fine to take them off New Day now but you really couldn’t do this at the Rumble against Enzo and Cass or ANYONE that might draw some interest? People didn’t care about Cesaro and Sheamus at first and I doubt they will now, but this was going to happen no matter what.

New Day gets the big show of respect and we get the battle for the spotlight from the new champs.

Kevin Owens doesn’t care about New Day because that will never happen to him. After insulting the interviewer, Owens flags down Chris Jericho and gives him a present. Jericho isn’t impressed with his holiday scarf.

Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman

Ten minute time limit as Raw GM Mick Foley is scared for Sami’s health. The ring announcer says Sami must last ten minutes though, which makes things a bit unclear. So can Sami not even go for wins? Sami dodges for the first thirty seconds and Braun no sells a chop. Braun gets his hands on Sami for a big toss and kicks him in the ribs for good measure.

We’re down to eight minutes as Sami knocks Braun over the top, only to have Strowman come back in and hammer away with ease. The referee starts to check on Sami with about six minutes to go but Zayn wants to keep going. Braun lets Sami stumble around as we get down to five minutes. Some very hard clotheslines take us to four minutes and here’s Foley with a white towel.

Sami is thrown down at Mick’s feet and Braun goes outside to talk trash. Zayn grabs the towel and throws it into the crowd with two minutes left. Strowman promises to finish this himself but misses a charge into the post. Another missed charge sends Braun through the barricade but Strowman beats the count with 47 seconds left. A third missed charge hits the post and Sami gets two off a high crossbody. Sami is knocked to the floor but comes back in for the Helluva Kick as time ends at 10:00 (really 10:12).

Rating: D+. Corey sums it up perfectly: Sami didn’t win anything here. He just didn’t get killed. This really belonged as an angle on Raw to set up the pay per view match instead of being the match itself. Sami hitting his finisher (which didn’t knock Braun down) to end the match was a nice touch but I really have no idea where this goes outside of Braun beating Sami in another match.

Package on the UK tournament.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins. Jericho lost to Rollins several times but then started costing Rollins matches against Owens. This earned Jericho a Pedigree on top of a car and that means a match.

Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho headlocks him to start and does the Gift of Jericho pose. Chris stops him with a raised boot and the missile dropkick gets two. A rake of the eyes slows Rollins down (he even makes like he can’t see for a bit, which you almost never see anymore) but he’s easily able to catapult Jericho into the buckle.

Jericho gets in a clothesline and we hit the ASK HIM chinlock. Back up and Rollins fires off some right hands followed by the Slingblade. A Blockbuster gets two and Jericho gets shoved out to the floor. Rollins’ springboard knee is countered into the Walls which last about as long as you would expect them to. Now the Lionsault is good for two and Seth’s Falcon’s Arrow gets the same.

Rollins tries the Pedigree but Jericho powers out and gets in a hurricanrana, which transitions into the Walls. Seth counters that with a small package for two, followed by the frog splash. Cue Owens for a distraction, just as Jericho grabs a small package. The Pedigree is countered again but Jericho stops to yell at Owens, allowing Seth to get in the jumping knee. Rollins gets the Pedigree for the pin at 17:12.

Rating: B+. I really liked this one as Jericho’s roll continues. You can almost pencil in Jericho vs. Owens for the Rumble and that story is going to write itself very well. Rollins getting the pin makes sense and maybe we can FINALLY do the blowoff between him and HHH so Rollins can move on with his career.

Pre-show recap. Cass vs. Rusev II is set for tomorrow night.

Cruiserweight Title: Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins vs. Rich Swann

Swann is defending and Austin Aries is sitting in on commentary. One heck of a forearm puts Kendrick on the floor, leaving Perkins to take the champ down. Swann hurricanranas both guys down at the same time (Aries: “I’ve done it before.”) but gets caught in the Captain’s Hook.

Perkins makes the save with the kneebar but Swann makes a save of his own. Cole: “Who is the favorite now?” Aries: “I would be if I was in there.” Kendrick gets tossed and Perkins slaps on another kneebar, sending Swann to the ropes. That’s not a break in a triple threat but Perkins lets go anyway. Back up and Swann kicks Perkins in the head to retain at 5:59.

Rating: D+. Can we please, please, PLEASE get Aries anything he wants? He was by far and away the most interesting thing about this match as he just commands respect and I completely buy him as the greatest cruiserweight of all time. I mean, I know he’s not but he gives you the belief that he is and that’s what matters.

Post match Neville makes his return to celebrate with Swann before turning heel (!) and destroying all three. Fans: “THANK YOU NEVILLE!” I can totally go for this, though the idea that Neville weighs under 205lbs is downright laughable.

Owens goes to Jericho’s locker room but Chris won’t let him in. Kevin tells him to put his name on the list but Jericho still doesn’t open the door. That hurts Owens’ feelings and he walks away.

Recap of Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte. They’ve traded the title for months and this is the final match.

Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks

Banks is defending and this is a thirty minute iron man match, though JoJo says the winner is the woman with the most pinfalls. I’m going to assume that’s an error because nothing like that was ever mentioned before. Feeling out process to start and they hit the mat for the first two minutes. Banks headlocks her down and things stay slow to start. Some chops have Charlotte in more trouble but it’s too early for the Banks Statement.

Another attempt fails just as much so Banks opts for a dropkick instead. Banks: “Your daddy loves me more!” Sasha wraps her up in something like a rear naked choke but Charlotte drops her back onto the mat for two. Charlotte heads outside and takes the double knees as we hit eight minutes in. A cross arm choke has Charlotte in more trouble but she doesn’t tap out as we get to ten minutes.

Sasha throws her outside for a suicide crossbody, only to be tripped face first into the steps in a bad looking crash. We’re twelve minutes in now as the referee slows things down a bit to check on Sasha. Three straight knees get two on the champ but another one misses to give Sasha a breather. Charlotte does the figure four headscissors and we’re at the halfway mark.

Something like a neckbreaker onto the knee gets two on Sasha and Charlotte seems to be getting frustrated. Natural Selection connects for two but Banks can’t get the Bank Statement. Instead Charlotte is put on top, only to come back with a super Natural Selection for the first fall with 10:45 to go.

Charlotte talks a lot of trash but can’t get another fall as we hit nine minutes left. Banks goes to the air and spins into a rollup for the tie with 8:43 to go. That means Charlotte needs to get aggressive, only to have Sasha grab the Bank Statement for the tap out with six minutes left. Charlotte gets smart by draping the knee over the middle rope and crashing down onto it as the clock keeps ticking.

Some cannonballs down onto the knee set up a leglock as we’ve got three minutes left. A not great Figure Four goes on with two minutes left and Sasha is in big trouble. The hold is turned over a few times until Sasha gets caught in the middle of the ring. We’re down to thirty seconds left and Banks screams a lot. Charlotte FINALLY turns it into the Figure Eight and Banks taps with two seconds left, meaning it’s a draw at 30:00.

This is the END OF THE LINE though so let’s do sudden death. Charlotte gets in a shot at the bad leg before the bell rings and a small package gets two for the champ seconds into the extra period. The Bank Statement goes on but Charlotte grabs the bad leg to break the hold. It’s turned into a Figure Four and Sasha (with a bloody mouth) taps to the Figure Eight at 2:58 of overtime.

Rating: B. Well that happened. I’m completely out of things to talk about with these two trading the title because WWE has no concept of how to wrap up a feud in an appropriate manner. Charlotte winning is fine, though the question now is who challenges her next. I know the obvious answer is Bayley, but do you trust them to do something that logical?

We recap Owens vs. Reigns. Roman beat him a few weeks ago to earn another shot here tonight but the big story is about the drama between Jericho and Owens.

Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Owens is defending and I’ll only refer to him as champion for the sake of simplicity. Kevin quickly bails to the floor but gets punched in the mouth for his efforts. Something like a spinebuster gets two for Reigns but the threat of a jumping clothesline sends Owens outside. The champ takes over on the floor and hits the backsplash off the steps, followed by the chinlock back inside.

Owens wants to know why Reigns didn’t put his title on the line but suspects it’s a lack of testicular fortitude. A standing flip legdrop of all things gets two on Roman and it’s back to the chinlock. Reigns finally powers out and drives Owens into the corner, only to have the champ throw him down with a German suplex. The Superman Punch is countered into a DDT for two more.

Reigns no sells the Cannonball and hits the Superman Punch for two of his own and both guys are down. Owens goes up top and gets Superman Punched again but still manages to grab the swinging superplex. A Swanton Bomb hits Roman’s raised knees and it’s spear time. It might be the big scream before the spear but somehow Owens knows to bail to the floor. Reigns gets suckered in and a splash off the apron onto the announcers’ table doesn’t break the table.

The second attempt works though and Reigns’ ribs are hurt again. Reigns dives in at nine so Owens bolts to the top for another frog splash and the accompanying near fall. Roman’s sitout powerbomb and Owens’ Pop Up Powerbomb get two each and the champ doesn’t know what to do. He goes outside for the title belt, earning himself a spear as he comes back inside. Cue Jericho, who looks back and forth at both guy. A Codebreaker to Owens draws the DQ at 23:33.

Rating: B. Good, though the waiting for Jericho took a little away from it. Unfortunately this shows the problem with Reigns being US Champion coming into this match: what good does it do to tie the title up in this match with no challenger for the title in sight? Yeah Owens vs. Jericho will be fine but sweet goodness enough with the champion vs. champion nonsense.

Jericho raises Owens’ hand because IT WAS A SWERVE to end the show. Uh, couldn’t he just tap Reigns and get the same result? Rollins comes out and helps with the beatdown, including a DoubleBomb to put Jericho through the table. Owens goes through the announcers’ table to end the show to almost no reaction.

Overall Rating: B+. I liked this a lot more than I thought I would but it’s a great example of a show I’m never going to watch again. Other than Charlotte getting the title back like we’ve seen before, nothing was really interesting here, though I can always go for a night of good wrestling. That being said, they really, REALLY need something fresh in the main event scene on Raw because “oh wait they’re still best friends who get beaten up by the Shield guys” was tired a month ago.

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Dynamite
Date: April 14, 2021
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

It’s time for Dynamite to be on their own on Wednesday nights as the Wednesday Night Wars have come to an end. This is also an interesting time for AEW as the last few shows have seen a slip in their audience and some of their shows have not been quite so well received. AEW has a very good track record of correcting their issues though and maybe they can do it again. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The Young Bucks talk about how they picked friendship last week. They’re tired of others taking their credit so it is time to bring back the old Young Bucks, which they demonstrate by cutting the tassels off of their gear.

Mike Tyson is ready to be the guest enforcer this week but MJF comes up to say the Pinnacle isn’t happy with him. Tyson thinks MJF is his enemy, even while MJF tries to talk him into thinking it’s Jericho. MJF offers him a blank check but Tyson rips it up….and then eats part of it. That’s too far for MJF, who says he’ll remember that.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Fenix/Pac vs. Young Bucks

The Bucks are defending and Don Callis comes to the ring with them before going to commentary. Pac takes Matt to the ground to start and rides him a bit before it’s off to Fenix vs. Nick. The pace is picked up with neither of them being able to get very far until a shot to Fenix’s back takes him down. A backdrop into a powerbomb doesn’t work as Fenix snaps off a hurricanrana to the floor.

The Bucks are sent outside for the back to back dives, followed by a series of kicks to rock Matt for two. Nick comes back in with the slingshot X Factor to Fenix and a double hiptoss sets up a double dropkick for a very lazy two. It’s back to Pac for a brainbuster on Nick as everything breaks down. The Bucks hit stereo apron powerbombs and then take it back inside for a running knee to Pac. A hyped up back rake keeps Pac down and we take a break.

Back with Pac backdropping Matt out to the floor, where he pulls Fenix off the apron. Pac knocks Matt away though and brings in Fenix to pick up the pace, including a double cutter for two on the Bucks. Everything breaks down and Fenix grabs the Blue Thunder Bomb for two on Matt.

The big flip dive takes Nick down on the floor as Pac grabs a German suplex for two. They head outside again with Fenix and Nick hitting stereo poisonranas. Back in and a top rope superplex drops Matt, setting up the Black Arrow for two with Nick driving Pac into the cover for two. Pac is sent to the floor so the Bucks take off Fenix’s mask and hit a double superkick to retain at 23:23.

Rating: B. The action was good but the mask stealing is a pretty cliched way to deal with a luchador. It didn’t help that there was no drama about a title change whatsoever. Now that the Elite is complete or whatever we’re doing here, it is going to be a long time before the champs actually get beat. Fenix and Pac looked good, but I’m not seeing them getting the titles anytime soon.

Hangman Page goes to get some egg rolls as John Silver and the Dark Order work on physical therapy for Silver’s shoulder injury.

Chris Jericho talks about knowing Mike Tyson for years, even back to when Tyson knocked him out years ago. Now, Jericho knows he needs some help and Tyson was the first person he called. Tonight, Tyson is the enforcer but Tyson says he’ll call it down the line, including knocking Jericho out if he has to.

Jade Cargill vs. Red Velvet

It’s a brawl to start with Velvet slipping out of a powerbomb and kicking Cargill in the face. Cargill gets low bridged to the floor and Velvet hits a big dive. That’s fine with Cargill, who fall away slams Velvet into the wrestlers at ringside. Back in and Cargill slams her again as we take a break. We come back with Cargill missing a charge into the corner but some clotheslines don’t put her down. Velvet finally manages to drop her with a wheelbarrow bulldog into the standing moonsault for two. The moonsault only grazes Cargill’s back so she’s up with Jaded (Glam Slam) for the pin at 7:40.

Rating: C-. They’re keeping this stuff fast and safe and that is a good idea for these two. Cargill still has all of the charisma and ability to play to the camera in the world but she is going to need a lot more ring time. Velvet isn’t the one to carry her that much farther, but they are doing something smart by letting them have such basic matches.

Britt Baker and Rebel give us an update on Baker’s rankings as she marches towards the Women’s Title.

Anthony Ogogo vs. Cole Carter

This is Ogogo’s, a bronze medalist in boxing, in-ring debut. After some quick grappling, Ogogo finishes with a punch to the ribs for the referee stoppage. That seemed rather fast.

Dax Harwood vs. Chris Jericho

Cash Wheeler, Tully Blanchard and Sammy Guevara are here and Mike Tyson is guest enforcer. They go straight to the brawling to start and the fight heads outside. Back in and Harwood nails him with a clothesline before it’s right back to the floor. This time Jericho stabs him in the head with a pen and then does his steal the camera bit. That takes too long so Harwood whips him into a barricade and gets in an argument with Tyson as we take a break.

Back with Jericho hitting a top rope ax handle into a lariat for two. Harwood runs him over again but misses a diving headbutt, allowing Jericho to grab the Walls. That’s broken up so Jericho misses the Judas Effect, allowing Harwood to German suplex him for two. The Codebreaker connects for Jericho but here are the Pinnacle and Inner Circle to fight. Wheeler goes for the bat so Tyson knocks him out. A Guevara distraction lets Jericho hit the Judas Effect for the pin at 13:14.

Rating: C+. This was a fine enough way to continue the build towards Blood & Guts, though it’s kind of a downgrade after they started with the huge brawls. That being said, the brawl on the stage made sense and it would have been weird to not have this wind up being some big mess. Tyson was fine in his role, and leaving it simple for him is the right idea.

Post match Jericho makes Tyson a member of the Inner Circle.

The Elite talks about everything they are doing now. This is the old version of them and that means the gold will follow. Like the gold they already had? Be prepared to be surprised again. And Callis superkicks the camera.

Thunder Rosa wants the NWA Women’s Title.

Kris Statlander vs. Amber Nova

Statlander starts fast with a boop each for Nova and the referee. Schiavone talks about his time being booped and it’s Statlander hitting a running elbow in the corner. The Big Bang Theory finishes Nova at 2:48.

Post match, Statlander and the Best Friends strike the pose.

Team Taz is ready to go get Christian’s response but Taz thinks Ricky Starks should stay backstage. Brian Cage agrees, but Taz tells him to do the same.

Here is Christian for an open challenge but Taz and company interrupt. Taz asks for an answer so Christian says no, sending Taz into a rant about how he never liked Christian or “his friend”. He even accuses Christian of wearing Taz’s colors and promises vengeance. Powerhouse Hobbs comes to the ring and the brawl is on, with Hobbs getting the better of things. Hobbs sends him into the barricade and then drops him onto the steps to leave Christian laying.

Video on Tay Conti vs. Hikaru Shida before their title match next week.

TNT Title: Matt Hardy vs. Darby Allin

Allin is defending and this is Falls Count Anywhere. Matt grabs a chair to knock Allin down to start and they head outside, where Matt sends him face first into the apron over and over. They head back inside with Allin already bleeding from the back. A neckbreaker gives Hardy two and he chairs Allin down again. Allin’s neck is put in the chair but the Twist of Fate is countered with a chair ram into Hardy’s neck.

Some chair shots to the back have Hardy in more trouble….and here is the Hardy Family Office to go after Allin. The Dark Order comes in for the brawl and here is Sting to get in on things. We take a break and come back with Sting and Lancer Archer having a staredown, with Archer going over to give Isaiah Kassidy the Black Out. Allin pounds on Hardy and Sting throws him the bat to make it worse.

A low blow cuts that off though and a Twist of Fate with the chair around Allin’s neck gets two. Not two weeks off the show as it probably should, but a two count. Hardy takes it backstage in front of Tony Khan and BJ Whitmer, with Allin being legdropped through a table for two. Back to the stage, where Allin slips out of a Razor’s Edge for a low blow of his own. Allin gets in a few shots with the bat to knock Hardy onto the announcers’ table. The Coffin Drop puts Hardy through the table to retain at 16:30.

Rating: C. So they started the match, then they did something completely different with Sting/Archer/everyone else, then they got back to the match where Allin survived a lot, hit him with the bat and won with a huge Coffin Drop. This felt like two segments crammed together and it only kind of worked, as I lost track of the match for a long portion. It was energetic and some of the spots were pretty good, but I don’t care about Hardy and the Twist of Fate onto the chair being a minor annoyance for Allin left me rolling my eyes more than anything else.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was all over the place and that might not be the best thing in the world. They did a few things rather well, mainly involving the stuff in the ring, but other than that, this was kind of a crazy one with one thing happening after another. I’ll give them points for not focusing on the Elite as much, but I’m not really sure what the big deal of this show was supposed to be. The Bucks would make the most sense, but they were gone about halfway through the show. It felt like they were just throwing stuff out there and while a good bit of it worked, the show felt tossed together and that isn’t like them.

Results

Young Bucks b. Rey Fenix/Pac – Double superkick to Fenix

Jade Cargill b. Red Velvet – Jaded

Anthony Ogogo b. Cole Carter via referee stoppage

Chris Jericho b. Dax Harwood – Judas Effect

Kris Statlander b. Amber Nova – Big Bang Theory

Darby Allin b. Matt Hardy – Coffin Drop through the announcers’ table

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Killian Dain, Sin Cara, Luke Harper, Kalisto, Sami Zayn, R-Truth, Chad Gable, Konnor, Braun Strowman, Curt Hawkins, Apollo Crews, Titus O’Neil, Curtis Axel, Goldust, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Big Show, Simon Gotch, Aiden English, Tyler Breeze, Heath Slater, Epico, Bo Dallas, Fandango, Big Show, Rhyno, Primo, Viktor, Jason Jordan, Tian Bing, Jey Uso, Dolph Ziggler, Mark Henry

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Tinashe

Here we go. I really don’t think Wrestlemania needs much of an introduction, especially just a few days after it took place. This is an interesting show as we have multiple potential main events, some of which have people more than a bit nervous. The show has serious potential though and that’s more than enough to rope me in. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for the show so this is my second time seeing it. My seat was in the upper deck and I had the hard cameras opposite me with the set (amazing visual which looked even better at night) on my right, basically in line with the upper right hand corner of the ring. This presented a bit of an issue as you could see two of the screens above the ring, meaning I was looking at most of one screen and the right side of another. In other words, when New Day was out for example and standing Woods, Big E. and Kofi, I was seeing Kofi, Woods, Big E., and Kofi again. That took some getting used to.

Before we get into the show, a few quick notes about the stadium. This was by far and away the easiest entrance to any Wrestlemania I’ve been to. After maybe seven minutes waiting for security, I walked into the stadium and had two or three people in line in front of me to scan my ticket. The previous two shows took well over half an hour to get in and seemed much more based on being unorganized than anything else.

The stadium itself wasn’t in the best shape and it took a long time to get around, especially since you can only change levels on the long sides of the building. Obviously it’s no AT&T Stadium but the place really didn’t come off as all that great looking. It wasn’t the best experience, but then again the stadium itself isn’t the reason we’re there so it doesn’t make a huge difference.

The ramp is HUGE, apparently running eighty yards and coming down from what would have been the second deck of stands.

Pre-Show: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Neville is defending after having destroyed the entire division for months. Aries is back from injury and the best possible option to take the title. In one of my favorite visuals, you can see Aries taking in the whole sight of the stadium. Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about Aries’ eye injury.

Wristlocks don’t go anywhere so Aries armdrags him into an armbar. A backslide looks to set up the Last Chancery but Neville bails out to the floor. That’s fine with Aries as he takes a rest on the top rope. Back in and Aries wins another battle on the mat, this time with a basement dropkick to really rock the champ. Aries loads up a dive but gets kicked in the face, setting up a hard top rope dropkick for two.

We take a break and come back with Neville holding a chinlock, as is the common action when coming back for some reason. Neville takes too long yelling at the fans and misses a Phoenix splash, allowing Aries to hit the big ax handle to the floor. Another kick to the face stops Aries but he shoves the superplex away.

One heck of a missile dropkick (that looked great) gets two on Neville, who responds by sending Aries into the ropes for a snap German suplex. They’re just beating the heck out of each other and trading big shots. A bridging German suplex gets two on Aries and Neville cranks up the trash talking as only he can (the accent really does help in that area).

Aries flips out of the Rings of Saturn and scores with the discus Fivearm to send Neville to the floor. Neville gets pulled back in for a top rope hurricanrana and the 450 connects for a SWEET false finish. There’s the Last Chancery in the middle of the ring but Neville rips at Aries’ eye (which was recently reconstructed), setting up the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:39.

Rating: A-. Well that worked. This was one of the matches that a lot of people wanted to see coming into this show and it’s easy to see why. I was really happy to see this moved to the pre-show as it meant the match would have time instead of being lucky to get six minutes. These guys beat the heck out of each other and the extra time did them a lot of good. Instead of doing a bunch of flips, this was a heavyweight style match between two guys who hit each other really, really hard and only one of them could stay up. There’s almost a guaranteed rematch and that’s a very good thing.

Pre-Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Aiden English, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Braun Strowman, Chad Gable, Curt Hawkins, Curtis Axel, Dolph Ziggler, Epico, Fandango, Goldust, Heath Slater, Jason Jordan, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Kalisto, Killian Dain, Konnor, Luke Harper, Mark Henry, Mojo Rawley, Primo, R-Truth, Rhyno, Sami Zayn, Simon Gotch, Sin Cara, The Big Show, Tian Bing, Titus O’Neil, Tyler Breeze, Viktor

Only Big Show and Braun Strowman get introductions. We see Rob Gronkowski in the front row, just in case you wanted to have some drama about the ending. Braun tosses Primo at the bell and Kalisto goes out a few seconds later. What in the world happened to him? Gotch and Slater are gone, followed by Jey Uso and Goldust. Everyone has been put out by Big Show and Strowman so far to really hammer the idea home.

Show gets rid of Konnor and it’s time for the big showdown. Sami breaks it up though and the masses get rid of Show. Strowman dumps Viktor but the rest of the match gets together to eliminate him as well. A break is teased but the audio just goes off for a bit with the video staying on. Hawkins is out and things slow WAY down after a very fast three minutes.

That makes sense though as you have to get rid of a bunch of the dead weight in this thing. Ziggler is sent to the apron for a second time but hangs on again and manages to backdrop Truth out. Rhyno follows him to the floor and Mahal puts Ziggler on the apron again to no avail. American Alpha dumps English, Axel and Jimmy Uso as the ring is rapidly clearing out.

The announcers talk about a commercial break but the video never stopped. Rather odd but I’ll always take extra wrestling. A bunch of people get rid of American Alpha and Bing gets rid of Breezango. Henry tosses Sin Cara onto the pile but gets dumped a few seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about in between these eliminations, as is so often the case in these things.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and the Helluva Kick eliminates Epico. We’re down to Zayn, Ziggler, Rawley, Dain, Mahal, Crews, O’Neil, Harper and Dallas. Harper sends Ziggler to the apron AGAIN but Titus makes a rather stupid save. You can tell it’s bad when even JBL calls him out on it. Rawley eliminates Dallas (you can hear the booing….er, Bo-ing) and Crews goes out a few seconds later.

Mojo finally gets rid of Ziggler and Titus kicks Harper out (Huh?) to get us down to five. Sami clotheslines Titus to the floor but gets dumped by Dain to suck the life out of the crowd. Mahal is down in the corner so we get Mojo vs. Dain, which sounds a lot more interesting than I was expecting. A tackle actually drops the monster but Mahal sends Mojo through the ropes to the floor.

As you might expect, they wind up right in front of Gronkowski and arguing ensues. Mahal throws a drink at him and it’s time to jump the barricade, with the security guard running over to calm things down, only to have the referees come over to smarten her up. There’s something hilarious about them saying it’s that scripted but I’ll take this over the Big Show vs. Shaw match.

Gronkowski gets in and runs Mahal over and Rawley hits the running right hand to Dain, setting up a clean elimination. Mahal gets sent to the apron and eventually the running fist gives Mojo the win at 14:08. I was legitimately scared they were going to give it to Mahal at the end so well done on the fake out.

Rating: D. Yeah it was boring (and flat out bad at times) but it was on the pre-show and we got a good choice for the winner (and not just because I picked Rawley for the win). This is the kind of match where you can give someone a rub without damaging anyone else so if it bombs, no one loses anything as a result. The Gronkowski stuff was harmless (and gave me a good laugh with the referees having to get rid of security) and Rawley is going to energize the crowd. Also, what the heck happened to Strowman? He goes from a potential main eventer to this in a month? Really?

Pre-Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending after eliminating Corbin from the Elimination Chamber. Corbin retaliated by CRUSHING AMBROSE WITH A FORKLIFT because that’s an appropriate response. For some reason we see the Gronkowski stuff during Ambrose’s entrance. Eh I’m sure showing a highlight that’s going to be on Sportscenter is more important than a title match at Wrestlemania.

Ambrose charges right at him and gets dropped twice in a row. Corbin tries his slide underneath the bottom rope and gets taken down by a suicide dive. Back in and Dean is sent ribs/back first into the post as the beatdown begins. We get another audio break with no video break and come back (I think?) with Corbin working on the ribs. A choke shove (stop stealing from Alexa Bliss) drops Ambrose for two and Baron sends him into the barricade to vent some frustration.

Back in and we hit the chinlock with Dean looking more bored than in pain. Corbin is sent shoulder first into the post but the top rope elbow is partially blocked. Dirty Deeds is fully blocked but Corbin is sent outside. Dean sends him into the steps and now the top rope elbow connects. Back in and Deep Six gets two on the champ, only to have the rebound lariat put Corbin down as well. Corbin gets up first and starts talking trash, only to take too much time with End of Days, allowing Ambrose to grab Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:54.

Rating: C+. I really don’t get the idea here as this should have been Corbin winning the title to end Ambrose’s fairly nothing reign. The match was completely watchable and Ambrose winning made the fans happy (the only reason I can imagine to have him win) so it’s hardly a horrible choice. Just a bit headscratch inducing.

And now, after that two hour pre-show, here’s the five hour (and ten minute) regular show!

Tinashe sings America the Beautiful. I’m not sure who she is but she’s an attractive woman and has a very pretty voice. Some military jets fly over.

The opening video focuses on the Ultimate Thrill Ride concept with a camera going down a roller coaster. Almost everyone on the card is seen at one point. All of the usual suspects were booed out of the building, though Miz and Maryse got one heck of a pop. Lesnar received a mixed reaction, which could make for one heck of an interesting Raw World Title match.

Here’s New Day, our hosts for the evening, to open things up. We also get the first pyro of the show, which is a very bad thing for someone who doesn’t like loud noises (And is sitting in the upper deck with a fear of heights. Why did I go to this again?). New Day is in Final Fantasy gear, which I’m sure Cole read off a card. Kofi and Big E. have swords while Woods only has the trombone. Apparently a bunch of names were considered for this job but New Day was the final choice.

Big E. says it’s time to pull our levers, which freaks Woods and Kofi out. In a very funny moment, Big E. keeps flicking his eyes over at Woods with a VERY knowing smile, drawing a huge laugh. He meant pull the lever on the Ultimate Thrill Ride because New Day rocks. This was short but illustrated the point that New Day really doesn’t need to be here. Also, somehow there was no mention of the ice cream all weekend. I really can’t imagine they couldn’t find a way to throw those together, just for a novelty if nothing else.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles, which I really wouldn’t have bet on opening the show. AJ was mad that he wasn’t on the card and blamed Shane, eventually throwing him head first through a car window. Shane wanted to fight and we’re having a match (yes a wrestling match instead of a street fight etc) as a result.

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

There’s something so cool about the wind blowing the wrestlers’ hair around. It makes things feel more unique for some reason. AJ hammerlocks him to start and promises to embarrass Shane. A snapmare takes Shane down again and AJ does Shane’s dance for a nice touch. Shane actually grabs a headlock takeover and some armdrags, sending a frustrated Styles outside.

Back in and AJ wants to know if they’re fighting or wrestling. It turns into a quick boxing match with Shane’s horrible looking shots taking over, only to have AJ pull him to the floor. A baseball slide puts Shane over the announcers’ table (Why do I have a feeling that’s going to be a big target tonight?) before they head back inside for another strike off. AJ gets the better of it but his springboard is broken up to give Shane his first opening.

That means it’s time to pepper AJ in the jaw, including the jumping back elbow. An Angle Slam gets one but Styles comes right back with a Calf Crusher but Shane reverses into a rear naked choke. That goes into a cross armbreaker as the MMA vs. wrestler shenanigans continue. AJ finally rolls out and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Thankfully it’s AJ up first with the springboard 450 but Shane is right there to catch him in a triangle choke.

AJ reverses that into a one leg/arm Styles Clash for two (because that move is worthless anymore) and both guys are spent. A slugout goes to Shane but the referee gets bumped, allowing AJ to go and grab a trashcan. As luck would have it he loads up Shane for the Coast to Coast, which is broken up by Shane using the can to knock him out of the air.

Shane is able to hit the Coast to Coast (as the referee, who is on his back and coming to, somehow sees NONE of this) for two. That means it’s time for the elbow through the table but Shane moves, giving us our first broken table of the night. The Phenomenal Forearm is countered into a Maivia Hurricane DDT, only to miss the Shooting Star. Now the Forearm is enough to give AJ the pin at 20:30.

Rating: B. First and foremost, this was WAY better than it had any right to be, which means I’m going to have a hard time finding anything to really complain about. Above all else, it’s a bit longer than it needed to be and it was clear that this was ALL AJ, who was walking Shane through every single step. Granted a lot of that has to do with Shane not being a wrestler who doesn’t need to be in this spot in the first place. At least AJ won a good match at Wrestlemania though, which he certainly deserved to do at some point in his career.

James Ellsworth eats a Snickers and turns into Charlotte. So based off last year’s commercial, Ellsworth is also Zack Ryder? I think I can live with this as these commercials are funny.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho. They were best friends but Owens was just using Jericho to watch his back. Jericho realized that the people were all his friends and now is out to defend his title and get some revenge on Owens for attacking him. I really, really liked this story as the Festival of Friendship was so over the top and entertaining but they paid it off perfectly with Owens having his own list with Jericho’s name on it. That gave us a reason to care about Jericho and hate Owens all the more, which is what makes wrestling work so well instead of quick swerves and ridiculous stories that only work to a degree on paper.

US Title: Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending and we even get a return of the countdown in the form of a list counting down from ten to one. If that’s not awesome enough for you, Jericho has a light up scarf. They slug it out to start with Jericho getting the Walls less than thirty seconds in. Owens bails to the floor but gets caught with a dive. The fans chant STUPID IDIOT as Jericho drops a top rope ax handle but charges into a superkick.

Owens hits a Cannonball inside and another on the apron, which shows some nice balance if nothing else. We hit the trash talk with Owens asking where Jericho’s friends are now before hitting the chinlock, which no one can break of course. The apron powerbomb is countered with a backdrop but Owens comes right back with the package piledriver slam for another near fall.

Owens takes him to the top but gets pulled down with a hurricanrana. Naturally the Lionsault misses though and Jericho gets superkicked again. Owens is no Shawn though, meaning the Swanton hits Jericho’s raised knees. Thankfully Jericho can’t follow up because he’s holding his knees, which is something I’ve always wondered about when knees are used for a block. The Pop Up Powerbomb doesn’t work so Jericho elbows him down and scores with the Lionsault for two of his own.

Since it’s a Wrestlemania match, Owens steals the finisher by putting Jericho in the Walls, though they’re pretty easily escaped since it’s just a Boston crab. Back up and Owens hits his third superkick of the match, followed by the third Cannonball but Jericho reverses into the Walls for a sweet counter. That’s escaped as well and now the Pop Up Powerbomb is good for two.

In the spot of the match, Owens loads up another Pop Up Powerbomb but gets countered into the Codebreaker. Jericho covers but Owens gets ONE FINGER on the ropes for the break. From the seats it looked like he just grabbed the rope so that’s a very nice touch (figuratively and literally). Jericho is stunned as Owens rolls outside. A kick to the leg is enough to set up an apron bomb to give Owens the pin and the title at 16:48.

Rating: B. This was an interesting match as they definitely had a good one but it feels like a step in a much longer story. The story called for a huge, violent match and I have a feeling that’s what we’ll get for the eventual rematch. It’s exactly what the long story called for with Owens beating Jericho clean and setting up the gimmick match. I still really liked it though and the story makes it all the better to go with the solid match.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks traded the title for months on end until Charlotte won the blowoff match. That left Bayley to come after the title, which she won in a very odd/questionable booking choice on Raw, followed by a successful title defense at Fastlane, which ended Charlotte’s pay per view winning streak. Since it’s WWE, this set up a triple threat also involving Banks but Nia Jax was added as a monster because we just needed a fourth here.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Bayley is defending and this is under elimination rules. For some reason Bayley comes out first and slips on one of the tube men. At least it’s no Ultimo Dragon. Since she’s a Boss, Sasha rides on the back of a car, driven by a chauffeur, to the ring. In a great touch, Bayley looks worried by all three of her challengers. There’s also a sweet visual of Charlotte spinning on the ramp with the fireworks going off behind her.

Charlotte goes right after Nia with Sasha and Bayley helping, only to have the monster shrug them all off. Sasha and Bayley get splashed in the corner, leaving Charlotte to chop away at Nia. With Bayley and Sasha on the floor, Nia throws Charlotte onto them and everyone is down. Back in and everyone goes after Nia at the same time, including a big boot into a double belly to back suplex for two.

Nia runs them over again as a WE CAN’T SEE chant starts up from the fans across from the entrance. Apparently the lights were right in their eyes, which would be one of the most annoying possibilities at a show like this. Nia goes to the corner again but gets triple bombed out for the pin and the elimination at 4:14. Then what in the world was the point in having her in the match in the first place???

Charlotte bails to the floor and tells the two of them to fight, only to pull Bayley to the floor so Sasha can score with a flip dive. Charlotte busts out the corkscrew dive and hits it PERFECTLY for a change, which is an incredibly rare sight. Back in and Natural Selection is countered the Bank Statement but Charlotte slips out again.

With frustration setting in, Charlotte rips the middle buckle….partially off but gets caught by Sasha’s top rope double knees for two. Banks grabs a rollup, only to have Charlotte kick her into the turnbuckle pad (which was supposed to be the exposed steel) for the elimination at 8:18, leaving us with Bayley vs. Charlotte.

Bayley goes knee first into the steel but Charlotte misses the moonsault. The knee is too banged up though and Charlotte grabs the Figure Four, sending Bayley crawling to the ropes (which she doesn’t realize she could have grabbed ten seconds earlier). Charlotte ties her in the Tree of Woe but Bayley sits up and backdrops her down for a big crash. A Macho Elbow retains the title at 12:13.

Rating: C-. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were rushing through the three eliminations and the ending felt a bit flat. This really just should have been a regular triple threat or Bayley beating Charlotte once and for all but why have the logical match when you can throw more people in there and have a big mess?

Cole says the ending is symbolic of the thirty year anniversary of Wrestlemania III when Savage fought Steamboat. You know, except for the fact that that show wasn’t thirty years ago to the day and Savage LOST there.

We recap the Hall of Fame ceremony. Teddy Long’s line of “I’m a holla holla holla famer!” was great.

The Hall of Fame Class of 2017 is presented:

Diamond Dallas Page (LONG overdue for what he did after retirement if nothing else)

Rock N Roll Express (Even longer overdue)

Rick Rude (I don’t see how anyone could complain about this)

Teddy Long (One of the most versatile performers ever)

Eric LeGrand (That’s fine of course)

Beth Phoenix (Good worker in a bad era)

Kurt Angle (One of the best of all time and easily deserving of the headlining spot)

This is almost ALL about Angle, as it really should be. The rest of the class is great but come on. It’s Kurt Angle. If nothing else it’s great to hear the music in WWE one more time for a big old YOU SUCK chant.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match. In your trivia of the night, Enzo’s gear is apparently worth $50,000 due to jewelry and some one of a kind apparel. Sheamus and Cesaro come out in matching kilts and sunglasses. Actually hang on a second as here’s New Day (Remember them?) in their gear to say……we’ll pause for the DELETE chants…..that this is going to be a fatal fourway.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Hardy Boyz

And that’s your pop of the night, if not of the year. Cole: “THINGS ARE ABOUT TO BE BROKEN!” This is one of those things that we probably should have seen coming the second the ladder match was announced but I didn’t think they’d actually do it. They’re not Broken here but Matt still has the black and white hair and is doing a lot of the Broken poses.

It’s a huge brawl to start (as it should be) with the champs each taking Poetry in Motion. Enzo and Cass are quickly dispatched as well, followed by a Whisper in the Wind to Sheamus and Cesaro. The Hardys start cleaning house with the ladders but Gallows and Anderson come in to take them down. Sheamus and Cesaro come back in though with Cesaro coming off the ladder with a double stomp to Anderson’s ribs.

One of the ladders seems to be broken so Cass kicks people in the face. It’s time to bridge the ladders between the ring and the barricade with Enzo being launched over both of them to drop Gallows. Anderson gets Swung while Sheamus hits thirty forearms to Gallows’ chest. Sheamus and Gallows go up top but Enzo of all people makes the save.

Cass puts Enzo on his shoulders for the big climb but a quick save is made, only to have Enzo stay on the ladder, requiring Anderson to make the real save. The four power guys get into it but here’s Matt with a Twist of Fate to Gallows. Cesaro and Sheamus are laid out on the bridged ladders….and Jeff gets out the big ladder. Cesaro is crushed while Sheamus just falls off of his ladder, leaving Matt to grab the belts for the win at 11:05.

Rating: B. My goodness what a moment. There’s almost no way to argue against them winning the titles and it really did make the show feel special. The Hardys are some of the biggest stars in the history of the division and perhaps the most amazing redemption stories in recent memory. This was a great moment and a very good match to boot. In your trivia of the night, this is the first time the Tag Team Titles have changed hands at Wrestlemania since XVII (pre-show doesn’t count).

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella. This is built around the idea of Miz and Maryse being a real couple and Cena/Bella being a robotic couple who are only there for the cameras. Cena and Nikki finally started acknowledging their relationship on TV and a mixed tag was set, which set up some hilarious parodies of Total Bellas with Miz and Maryse impersonating Cena and Nikki.

This was almost a guaranteed setup for a proposal after the match, which might not have been the most interesting idea in the world to some but it’s something you just have to go along with. This story has made Miz the heavy face going in as it’s really easy to get his point about Cena/Nikki sounding robotic and only being in this for the sake of their brand.

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. Miz/Maryse

Jerry Lawler is here as guest commentator and Al Roker is here as guest ring announcer in the definition of the most worthless celebrity cameo in Wrestlemania history. Cena runs down the ramp with Nikki joining him about halfway down for a nice entrance. The women start things off but Maryse tags out without doing anything. That means it’s off to the men so it’s time to hit the stall button.

Cena chases Miz outside but gets stomped on the way back in for the first contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse even gets in a slap as Miz is cheered all over the stadium. The running corner clothesline rocks Cena again as I don’t think he’s had any offense in the first four minutes. Lawler is stunned at the MIZ IS AWESOME chants so he switches to jokes about Maryse cheating on Miz. Cena gets kicked in the face a few times but avoids another running clothesline.

Maryse pulls Nikki off the apron though and a Reality Check drops Cena again. A quick AA attempt is countered into a short DDT for two, followed by the YES Kicks. Miz tells Nikki that she can’t see him, earning himself a slap into a backdrop over the top for Cena’s first significant offense in nearly eight minutes. There’s the hot tag to Nikki for a spear to Maryse, leaving Nikki to dive onto Miz. Nikki’s big forearm and the ProtoBomb set up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles and the Rack Attack 2.0/AA for the double pins at 9:42.

Rating: D. So that happened. Miz dominated Cena for eight minutes, took three moves from him and then got pinned clean. Unfortunately this was about all you could have expected and that’s par for the course: Miz owns the world on the mic but we need to give Nikki her Wrestlemania moment. I really could have gone for Nikki pinning Maryse here but why do that when you can have Miz lose too?

Post match Cena tells a borderline creepy story about asking Nikki if she knew he would marry him while she was drugged up for surgery. Cena proposes and kissing ensues. Yeah it’s corny, yeah it feels forced and set up for a reality show but if they love each other, good for them. They kept this short and while it’s really not for me, I get that there’s an audience for this stuff. At least the fans didn’t boo it out of the stadium.

We recap HHH vs. Seth Rollins. HHH turned Rollins into his new protege a few years back, setting the stage for Rollins to win the WWE World Title. Then Rollins tore his ACL, which HHH interpreted as Rollins letting him down. Once Rollins came back, HHH cost him a chance to become Universal Champion and wrecked the knee again. Rollins had to sign a paper saying he couldn’t sue HHH or WWE for any injuries, making the match unsanctioned. At the end of the day, this match is about six months overdue and I’m not sure how many people care about it as a result. It’s not HHH vs. Reigns but it’s still nothing great.

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Anything goes. In his annual over the top entrance, HHH comes out on a three wheeled motorcycle flanked by police motorcycles. This is completely redeemed by Stephanie as biker girl in leather pants. I know she gets on my nerves a lot but my goodness she looks great here. Seth has a torch for some reason, which I guess symbolizes burning the place down. Rollins kicks him to the floor to start but a dragon screw legwhip to the good knee takes Rollins down.

The knee is good enough for a springboard off the barricade into a clothesline, followed by a pair of suicide dives. It’s time to load up the German announcers’ table (which is next to a restored English announcers’ table) but HHH DDTs Rollins onto it instead with the table not breaking. A chair to the already bad knee gets us into the next phase of the match and Rollins is in big trouble.

HHH bridges the knee between the announcers’ table and the barricade before dropping his knee onto Seth’s knee. The leg work begins until a Downward Spiral sends HHH into the buckle. Seth tries a sunset bomb but bangs up his knee again, just like the way it was injured back in 2015.

The knee is fine enough for a Buckle Bomb, followed by a high crossbody to the floor to take HHH out again. It’s time to set up two chairs and a table (with Stephanie wisely telling HHH that the weapons are there). Rollins hits a frog splash for two but a kick to the knee makes him drop the chair.

Now things get a bit rough as HHH Pillmanizes the knee twice in a row. He goes up top for the third, only to have Seth pelt a chair at his head, setting up a superplex into the Falcon’s Arrow. So he had a knee that should have him back in rehab the day after this show, had it crushed by a chair twice in a row, and is up doing stuff off the top thirty seconds later? I know I complain about a lack of selling a bit too much but this is pretty far beyond anything realistic.

HHH throws him in the reverse Figure Four which put Rollins out for weeks but Rollins reverses into a modified Crossface. That goes nowhere so HHH chairs the knee again and puts the hold on outside. Rollins tries to go underneath the ring to find whatever he can, including a sledgehammer which he throws to HHH for reasons of general stupidity. They head back inside with Rollins not only being able to stand but also being able to win a slugout.

One heck of a clothesline turns Rollins inside out but he scores with an enziguri to knock the hammer away. A Stephanie distraction lets HHH get a Pedigree for a very close two so he teases a super Pedigree. That’s broken up as well so Rollins hits a Phoenix splash (oh come on) for two of his own. They trade Pedigree attempts until HHH is knocked into Stephanie, sending her through the table.

That one spot COMPLETELY woke the crowd up after this long match had sucked the life out of them and shows what happens when you finally give the fans the comeuppance that a villain has earned (granted it might be nice if it happened more than once a year but you take what you can get with Stephanie). Rollins hits the Pedigree for the pin at 25:25.

Rating: C+. Major knee issues aside, this was actually much, much easier to sit through on a second viewing. It was a horribly boring match live and I was checking out reaction to the show instead of paying attention to the match. This viewing felt like the time was cut in half and I never really got bored.

That being said, it’s still not a great match because it ran at least seven minutes too long and you can only watch HHH hit him in the knee so many times before Rollins is mostly fine a minute later before it loses its charm. I really have issues with Rollins having his knee crushed twice and hitting a Phoenix splash in the same match but that’s just how wrestling works these days. Rollins was out of action just a week ago and wasn’t cleared for the match but he can do this here? That’s not a bit of a stretch? It’s still a good enough match though and Rollins won, though he should have done this back in October or so.

Pitbull and company perform. You could actually see the fans stand up almost in unison and head for the concourse.

After that eats up about eight minutes (a far more reasonable time than Kid Rock’s 20+ minutes), we recap Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton for the Smackdown World Title. Orton was tormented by the Wyatt Family so he joined the team and won the Royal Rumble. It turned out that it was a ruse (which wasn’t exactly a shock, though it wasn’t meant to be) and Orton burned down Bray’s barn, which was Sister Abigail’s grave. Bray then rubbed the dirt from the grave on his face to make himself all powerful for the match. Yeah it doesn’t make a ton of sense and is a good example of why they’re better off staying vague with Wyatt’s stuff.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Bray is defending and my goodness the Fireflies entrance looks amazing in a stadium. There’s no way you could look at this and not thing Wyatt is something very special. Orton, who comes out second for some reason, has a very cool entrance of his own with the fireworks shower returning and a digital snake that follows him down the ramp for something you don’t see very often.

Orton hits the powerslam early on but the threat of an RKO sends Wyatt bailing to the floor thirty seconds in. Back in and a hard headbutt puts Orton down….and there go the lights. With Orton down, maggots are projected down onto the mat. As you might expect, Orton immediately heads outside, which seems to show that it only wakes him up instead of causing him any kind of harm.

Bray runs him over again and hits a clothesline, which means it’s time to project worms on the mat. This changes nothing as they disappear and Bray just hits him a few more times. The release Rock Bottom and a backsplash give Bray two and they head outside for Sister Abigail into the barricade. Orton is right back up and rolling to the other side of the floor. Bray gives chase and runs right into the RKO.

That’s only good for two so Orton tries the Punt. Of course that’s countered so Orton settles for the backbreaker and hanging DDT, only to get caught in Sister Abigail. Orton is down again….and we’ve got cockroaches this time. Bray pulls him up and Orton is finally like “forget this nonsense” and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:21.

Rating: F. I have no idea what to make of that and I’d pay to hear it explained. Not only do we have Wyatt choke AGAIN in the big match but Orton just hits his finisher to win the title after all that nonsense. I get the idea of playing mind games or whatever but could you at least try to have something that made sense? It didn’t even make sense in Bray’s world and that’s giving them a lot of ground.

Above all else though, it’s just a lame way to end the match. There’s no big moment, there’s no real storyline change, there’s no big climax. It’s just Orton shrugging off all the weird stuff and hitting his finisher for the 100% clean pin. Orton didn’t need the title and while there’s always the chance that Bray will get the title back in the rematch, but this was a big, big dagger to the knees of his career.

The pilots from the fly over are here.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, which thankfully isn’t closing. Goldberg was awesome in the 90s and then had a horrible match with Lesnar in 2004. Then Goldberg retired for twelve years, only to return at Survivor Series 2016 and beat Lesnar in 90 seconds. He also eliminated Lesnar from the Royal Rumble so now we have one more match for the Raw World Title. Don’t you just see the money signs here?

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Lesnar is challenging and Goldberg gets the full entrance because this show apparently doesn’t have a time limit. Lesnar hits the first German suplex eight seconds in and the third one connects less than ten seconds later. Goldberg pops up and hits back to back spears to send Brock outside for a third spear through the barricade. They’re both down and we’re not even a minute into this yet. Back in and the F5 is escaped, setting up a fourth spear.

The Jackhammer only gets two (I believe Hogan is the only other person to kick out of that, which I think was due to Nash missing his cue) and you can see the life come back into Heyman. Goldberg loads up another spear but Lesnar leapfrogs him, sending Goldberg into the buckle. Seven more German suplexes (for the sake of the Tye Dillinger TEN from the crowd) sets up an F5 to give Lesnar the title back at 4:47.

Rating: B. Given the circumstances, this was as good as it was going to get. Goldberg took a ton of bumps here and put Lesnar over completely clean on his way out as Lesnar looks like the Beast again. I’m really glad they didn’t even bother with anything other than big power moves because that’s all anyone wanted to see them do in the first place. It might not be a great match or anything resembling one but it was EXACTLY what these two should have done. The major downside though is the title likely going away for awhile as we build towards Reigns vs. Lesnar next year because that’s the main event no matter what.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

Bliss is defending and this is one fall to a finish. They’re clearly rushing to get this started because NOW we care about saving time. Mickie, looking great here, comes out in a Native American headdress for a rather odd costume choice. Thankfully Carmella has James Ellsworth in the most over the top Wrestlemania themed gear you’re ever going to find. Naomi’s entrance is one heck of a trip with the colors going all over the place.

Everyone brawls to start and there’s almost no point in trying to call most of this. The big showdown is Mickie vs. Becky with Lynch cleaning house until Ellsworth grabs her boot, allowing Carmella to grab a hurricanrana. Bliss chokeshoves Carmella down and hits a Maivia Hurricane of her own for two as trash is talked. Some Bexploders clean house, including one to get rid of Ellsworth, but Mickie takes Becky down with a seated senton. Natalya loads up a German suplex on Becky with Naomi adding a sunset flip (after botching the first attempt) to send Becky flying.

Naomi and Carmella are put in a double Sharpshooter which falls apart before Natalya can even turn it over. The MickDT gets two on Becky and Mickie runs into a superkick (literally, as in she was out of range and had to move forward). Naomi clears the ring and hits the Rear View on Bliss before diving onto everyone else. Back in and Bliss punches Naomi out of the air, only to get caught in a weird submission (kind of a reverse Crossface actually) to give Naomi the title at 5:33.

Rating: D-. Yeah this really didn’t work and a lot of that is due to the time. They were crammed in there with as much action as they could fit into less than six minutes. This was more about getting the girls onto the stage in their special gear and having them try to do as much stuff as they could without seriously injuring each other. That’s on the company instead of the women so I certainly don’t blame them. Naomi winning was obvious and fine, though still not as important as WWE would have you believe.

New Day announces the attendance record of 75,245. Again, I forgot they were a part of this show.

We recap Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns. This is your pretty standard story: Undertaker is the old guard and Reigns is the new young star who thinks this is his yard. I know you hear this kind of story with Undertaker a lot but it really did feel different this time around.

Jim Ross makes a surprise return to call the main event. If you didn’t know something was up here, you should now.

Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker

This is announced as no holds barred, which is a new stipulation. In a very smart idea, Undertaker rises out of the middle of the ramp instead of walking all the way down. I completely missed that as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring as he was getting in. No matter how old he is, that entrance is still chilling live.

Undertaker starts fast and knocks Reigns to the floor and says this is still his yard. Back in and Reigns scores with a right hand before sending Undertaker over the top and right onto his feet. Reigns goes into the steps, only to come back with a Samoan drop to put Undertaker down. They head outside again with Undertaker popping him in the jaw to cut off the momentum, which makes sense from someone billed as a great striker. They head back inside again with the Snake Eyes into the big boot dropping Reigns for two.

Another trip to the floor (which really does suggest they’re hiding Undertaker’s limitations) sees Reigns try the apron boot and getting punched in the face again. Reigns tries again and gets chokeslammed onto the STRONGEST TABLE IN THE WORLD which again doesn’t break. Undertaker climbs onto the table but get speared through another one to put both guys down.

Reigns is up first and gets inside, only to have Undertaker sit up. Back in again and Reigns fires off the corner clotheslines but makes the mistake of raining in the punches, meaning a powerbomb out of the corner (hardly a Last Ride) gets two. It’s chair time and a series of shots look to set up a chokeslam, sending Reigns bailing for cover. Back in (again) and some Superman Punches rock Undertaker, only to have a third countered with a chokeslam onto the chair for two.

The Tombstone gets the same and you can feel the air go out of the arena, along with a BS chant. Undertaker loads up a second Tombstone but Reigns reverses…..and just can’t get Undertaker up. Eventually he just gives up and gets two off a Superman Punch for your horribly botched sequence of the match. The first spear connects but Undertaker pulls him into Hell’s Gate.

Reigns makes it to the ropes, which shouldn’t mean a thing in a no holds barred match. I believe that would be the third person ever to survive all of Undertaker’s finishers (HHH and Batista if memory serves). Undertaker is completely gassed so Reigns grabs the chair and wears him out, all the while imploring Undertaker to stay down. Two more spears add up to four and the fans try to believe that Undertaker has a chance.

Reigns Superman Punches him again so Undertaker sits up….only to collapse again. Undertaker pulls himself to his knees and says Reigns can’t do it…..before some miscommunication sees Reigns have to stop running the ropes and try it again. Another big spear puts Undertaker down for the pin and likely forever at 22:59.

Rating: D+. I don’t think anyone is going to consider this match great or even very good but it told a perfectly fine story (Undertaker gave it everything he had but just couldn’t last as long as the younger and stronger Reigns) and had some good enough moments at the beginning. It’s a good passing of the torch moment, albeit in a pretty bad match.

Reigns poses in front of the big fireworks display in what would normally end the show.

With Reigns gone, Undertaker is still down. The THANK YOU TAKER chants start up until he finally does the sit up. We look at some replays and come back with Undertaker in the ring wearing his hat and coat underneath the blue lights. He looks around the stadium as this feels like Mark Calaway in Undertaker attire instead of the Undertaker. Almost looking like he’s in tears, Undertaker goes to the ropes but stops and goes back to the middle of the ring and looks around some more.

He takes off the gloves (just like last year), the coat and finally, with a heavy sigh, the hat, leaving all of them in a pile on the mat. Undertaker finally leaves the ring, kisses Michelle McCool in the front row, and walks up the stage to the riser that brought him up for his entrance. With one last look back (and what appear to be tears), Undertaker raises his fist one last time as he descends to the gong sounding and THANK YOU TAKER CHANTS.

As a wrestling fan, it’s very rare to have something reach you on an emotional level. That’s what happened here though, as this truly does seem to be Undertaker’s retirement. I know he took the gloves off last year but it was more of an afterthought than anything else. This felt like it’s finally over, and I think that’s for the best. Undertaker’s performances haven’t been great for a good while now and you can only trot him out there for so long. If they do bring him back, it’s going to be almost impossible to top this exit and I don’t think Undertaker is the kind of performer who would want to. Thank you Taker.

Overall Rating: B. This is an interesting case as there’s a lot of good stuff on here but at the same time there’s a lot of bad dragging the good way back down. Let’s get the big problem out of the way first: this show is way, way too long and it kills so much momentum. Unless you’re a Wrestlemania XVII level show, this is too much in one night and there’s no way to keep up the energy.

Now that being said, a major upgrade over last year was we knew it was going that long. With XXXII, it wasn’t clear when things were going to end and that made an incredibly long night feel even longer. You do reach a point where there’s no reason to keep going other than to fill time, which this show didn’t quite reach. Yeah I was getting tired, but I knew when the show was ending and it took away a lot of the dragging feeling.

It also helped that there was no 30 minute Shane vs. Undertaker match (hour long segment), no 27 minute waiting period (another nearly hour long segment) disguised as a match while we counted down until the most obvious ending ever and no Rock playing with a flamethrower for five minutes. Undertaker vs. Reigns, which eventually feeling obvious, didn’t come off like we were just waiting around for Reigns to spear him down for the pin.

I never felt like this show was desperately trying to fill time or make the show longer. This time around it felt like they had put too much in, though nothing felt like it was just there for the sake of being there. Yeah there’s stuff that could be trimmed or cut, but this year it only feels like a bit could be cut off here and there. Last year, there’s probably a good hour that could be cut without too much trouble.

As for the actual wrestling, I’d call it a big improvement as well. There wasn’t any blow away match (unless you count the pre-show) but other than the Smackdown World Title match (which was mainly the booking more than anything else) and the Women’s Title match (time more than anything else), nothing on here was really terrible. There may not be a classic but there’s more than enough good to bring the show up.

Overall, the show is certainly entertaining and I had a better time watching it back than watching it live (not surprising as I did so over the course of two days). It’s a marked improvement over the previous year’s effort, though there are still some issues that are dragging it down. Trim the show down (wrap it up before midnight) by a bit and this show goes up a few more steps. As it is, it’s quite good but it has some major problems.

Results

AJ Styles b. Shane McMahon – Phenomenal Forearm

Kevin Owens b. Chris Jericho – Apron powerbomb

Bayley b. Nia Jax, Sasha Banks and Charlotte – Top rope elbow to Charlotte

Hardy Boyz b. Anderson and Gallows, Sheamus/Cesaro and Enzo Amore/Big Cass – Matt pulled down the titles

John Cena/Nikki Bella b. Miz/Maryse – AA to Miz and Rack Attack 2.0 to Maryse

Seth Rollins b. HHH – Pedigree

Randy Orton b. Bray Wyatt – RKO

Brock Lesnar b. Goldberg – F5

Naomi b. Carmella, Alexa Bliss, Mickie James, Becky Lynch and Natalya – Arm trap submission to Bliss

Roman Reigns b. Undertaker – Spear

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Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

We had to get here again at some point. I sat in the stadium last year for the better part of seven hours watching this show and was pretty entertained for the most part. However, since then I’ve thought back on it a few times and it seems to go all downhill from there. I’m not sure what to expect from this one other than it’s going to take a few days to get through. Let’s get to it.

As we get ready for the pre-show matches, the place might be 10% full at this point as there was some confusion in opening the gates. There were no lines and it was just a sea of humanity trying to get inside.

Pre-Show: Ryback vs. Kalisto

Kalisto, in some ceremonial bird headpiece, is defending and this is your standard bully vs. smaller guy feud. It’s such a weird visual to see people coming to the ring with so few fans in the seats. I’m not sure if it’s going to make a difference but I expect a three part podcast from Ryback about how unfair it was to his career. We get the big staredown to show the match’s story and to show off Ryback’s new trunks.

Ryback plants him off a headlock and easily throws the champ outside. Kalisto gets in a quick bulldog for two but the kickout sends him outside. Some double knees to the chest get the same result and Ryback gets to show off by gorilla pressing Kalisto up the steps and back inside. We take a break and come back with Kalisto taking a hard elbow to the jaw for two.

A running sitout powerslam (kind of like a Michinoku Driver) gets the same and it’s time to slap at the mask. I know Ryback had some issues but he did seem to be trying to mix things up on offense. He deserves credit for trying at least and it’s true that he had some unfair breaks. I just can’t imagine it was as bad as he made it seem.

A delayed superplex is countered into a crossbody for two and the Shell Shock is countered into a quick DDT. The corkscrew crossbody gets two but Ryback plants him again. Kalisto goes to the corner and pulls a turnbuckle pad off. I’m sure you can piece the next step together but in case you’re a bit slow, Ryback goes head first into the buckle and the Salida Del Sol retains the title at 8:57.

Rating: C. Despite the surprise when the title didn’t change hands, this was a snappy little match with the power vs. speed working quite well. Kalisto is the kind of guy who can perform well against anyone and Ryback’s power was a perfect foil. Ryback is still one of the more interesting what if’s in recent years but it’s pretty clear that the guy isn’t all there sometimes, which can make for some messy negotiations.

Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D. and Blonde

Total Divas: Natalya, Brie Bella, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie

B.A.D. and Blonde: Naomi, Lana, Summer Rae, Tamina, Emma

Yes this story is still happening for reasons I’m sure you can figure out for yourself. If nothing else, Wrestlemania is an excuse to see Brie’s legs, which you don’t get for the rest of the year. This is Lana’s only main roster match to date and uh…..yeah this works. Fox elbows the heck out of Summer to start and a sloppy tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. We get the big ten Diva staredown and it’s off to a break because the pre-show is basically Raw.

Back from a break with Eva getting booed out of the stadium and suplexing Emma. A hard tag brings in Natalya and it’s off to Naomi for the dancing kicks. Paige comes in to play Bret to Natalya’s Neidhart (that must have made her smile) on a Hart Attack. It’s back to Emma for a wheelbarrow suplex on Paige before Lana is brought in to the pop of the match so far. Some good looking kicks drop Paige and we hear some trash talk with nothing resembling an accent.

Brie tries to come in so Lana mocks the YES chant in a nice touch. Tamina grabs a chinlock as the rapid tags continue (that’s all you can expect in something like this). A Tower of Doom is teased but instead Paige dives onto a bunch of the women at ringside. Back in and Emma stomps on Paige in the corner but a rollup sends Emma’s head into the buckle.

The hot tag brings in Brie to clean house and it’s time for the parade of secondary finishers. Naomi: “FEEL MY GLOW!!!” By that she means barely get grazed by a split legged moonsault and have Lana shoves Brie off the top. Not that it matters as Brie gets a good looking roll into the YES Lock to make Naomi tap at 11:26.

Rating: D+. Yeah the match was a mess but there’s only so much you can put on the wrestling here. With so many people and so many of them being there as eye candy, there’s only so much they can do. This is the last night for the old Divas style with people being able to use the most basic moves but mainly being there for the sake of their looks. There are FAR worse versions of this match though and this was actually fine for the circumstances.

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in her neck brace in what is supposed to be some big moment.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are heels and refusing to use tables. It’s a brawl to start with the non-brothers cleaning house as the crowd is really filling in now. D-Von cranks on Jimmy’s neck and it’s off to Bubba for some trash talk about Rikishi. The snap punches take too long though and Jimmy gets in a superkick, setting up the hot tag to Jey. Everything breaks down and Jey takes What’s Up. Bubba calls for the tables but again takes too long, earning a double superkick. 3D is broken up as well and Jey superkicks D-Von for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match here as we’re just getting ready for the big show and getting this stuff out of the way. You easily could have cut this match off and no one was going to notice it, especially with so little time. The Dudleys were fine at putting people over but did the Usos really need a win like this? Nothing to see here and it really could have been cut as a way to take some of the time off the main show.

Post match the Dudleyz load up some tables but get splashed through them instead. Cool visual if nothing else.

Fifth Harmony sings a very nice rendition of America the Beautiful.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania and how it’s never been bigger than this. Various legends and legendary moments are shown, as they certainly should be. This transitions into a preview of tonight’s show, including the matches and of course a focus on the Rock’s unspecified role. Nothing out of the ordinary here but as is usually the case with these things, WWE really knows how to make these things look great. Also of note: Kelsey Grammer of all people narrates this.

I’m not a fan of his but Flo Rida’s My House is one of the catchiest theme songs they’ve had in years.

Inter-continental Title: Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn

Owens is defending and this is a ladder match. Originally there were just four people involved but the match fell through with Stephanie making a triple threat for the title shot. That match went to a no contest so LET’S JUST THROW EVERYONE INTO THE MESS OF A MATCH. And people wonder why this title isn’t treated as anything important anymore. Sami gets a very nice pop here but Owens’ blows it away, making him the big crowd favorite.

On the other hand, Stardust (in Dusty polka dots) and Sin Cara come out to near silence, which isn’t exactly the biggest surprise. Finally, Ryder gets to hear his music played at Wrestlemania for the first time ever, which really is a cool moment. Ryder: “I’VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS!!!”

Everyone drops to the floor to start and it’s Owens left alone in the ring. As you might expect, Sami comes in with a ladder and it’s time for the Wrestlemania slugout that you know means the world to them. Kevin gets the better of it and cleans house with the ladder until Cara gets in a ladder shot of his own to take over. Ryder neckbreakers Stardust onto the ladder and Miz throws a different ladder over the top and onto Cara.

Sami and Ziggler knock Miz’s ladder over and there’s the Blue Thunder Bomb, which thankfully doesn’t have to go through the motions of a near fall. Back in and Owens backdrops Sami onto a ladder. Kevin: “THIS IS KO MANIA! GO BACK TO NXT!” Ziggler and Ryder go up but Stardust makes a save to put both guys down again. Cara does the same to Stardust and it’s Sami vs. Miz in the ring.

That doesn’t last long either as Sami dives through a ladder to take out four people at once, followed by the diving tornado DDT on Owens. Cara gets shoved off the ladder but lands on the top rope into a springboard onto another pile of people. Ziggler starts the superkick party so JBL can talk about Shawn Michaels.

Owens comes back in and it’s a double superkick to put everyone down. Stardust pulls out the polka dotted ladder (The Exo Atmospheric Starbird Mark II. I’d call it Larry.) and spins it around his head, only to get caught in a Skull Crushing Finale onto said ladder. Now it’s Sami back in but charging into Kevin’s boot in the corner. A frog splash onto Sami onto a ladder bridged onto the bottom rope crushes everyone (JBL: “That’s the biggest frog I’ve ever seen.”).

Ryder doesn’t quite one up him with the Elbro off another ladder to crush Miz but it still looked cool. I’m not sure why there weren’t more flashbulbs going off either as it was quite the highspot. Ziggler faceplants Ryder off the ladder and comes up favoring his knee. The delay lets Owens powerbomb Ziggler off the ladder and Cara kicks Stardust onto a ladder bridged between the apron and the barricade.

Cara hits the big dive to put Stardust through the ladder, leaving Owens and Zayn to slug it out above the ring. Sami gets the better of it and hits the half and half suplex to drop Owens head first into a ladder (sick looking landing). That lets Sami go up until Miz shoves him over but this time Miz takes too long going up, earning himself a big shove off from Ryder, who climbs the ladder for the huge upset at 15:24.

Rating: B. It’s a fun match and the spots were great but…..RYDER??? I mean…..HE’S ZACK RYDER! As is so often the case, there were too many people in here with guys like Cara and Stardust just being there to add more bodies to the thing. Cut this down to four people (five max) and it’s WAY better but that might mean the title is treated a bit more seriously and we can’t have that. I still think this was supposed to be Neville’s spot until he broke his ankle but it doesn’t really matter.

Ryder’s dad comes in to celebrate with him for a really cool moment.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho. They traded some wins and then formed a short lived team (Y2AJ) but Jericho turned on him when they lost. Jericho was jealous over the AJ STYLES chants and wanted the respect for himself. It’s actually a solid feud and one of the matches people wanted to see, though I could have gone with not having the same match three times before.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho drives him into the corner to start and the AJ STYLES chants are already going nice and strong. Styles gets in a hurricanrana and a snappy armdrag before sending Jericho outside. That should mean a slingshot dive but Jericho dropkicks him out of the air to take over. Back in and a neckbreaker sets up a dragon sleeper for a change of pace.

AJ tries to fight back but gets pulled down into the Walls for some good old fashioned ASK HIM/AHHHH exchanges. A rope is grabbed so AJ can hit the moonsault into a reverse DDT for two. Both guys head to the corner for a super sitout gordbuster and one heck of a crash. The Pele is countered into a Walls attempt but AJ reverses that into the Calf Crusher.

The Styles Clash is broken up and a Codebreaker gets a delayed two (with Cole making sure to say the near fall was due to the delay in a nice touch). For a change of pace, Jericho loads up AJ for the Styles Clash but gets planted face first for two instead. A rollup exchange sets up the real Styles Clash for two and the springboard 450 gets the same. With nothing else left, AJ heads to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Jericho shove the referee away and catch Styles with the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:08.

Rating: B. Another long match here with an interesting choice for the ending. I know Jericho went on to have one of the best years of his career but at this point he’s just Jericho and Styles hasn’t even been in the company for three months yet. This continues to feel like booking for the sake of the surprise, which is almost never a good thing. Still though, would you expect anything other than very good from these two for seventeen minutes?

Maria Menunos interviews Zack Ryder and talks about getting to take a picture with Razor Ramon and his Intercontinental Title when he was a kid. Tonight though, he and Ramon are taking a picture with RYDER’S Intercontinental Title. I’m not sure if that’s a better line than waiting your whole life for this but Ryder is nailing it tonight.

New Day vs. League of Nations

New Day comes out in a huge box of BootyO’s which tips over….to reveal them in Dragon Ball Z costumes, complete with a tail on Woods. This was originally a Tag Team Title match but was changed to a handicap match before switching to a six man (Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio/Rusev for the League with King Barrett in the corner) for no apparent reason. I mean, other than having New Day lose or something crazy like that. Also, make no mistake about it: New Day was by FAR the most popular merchandise choice of the weekend. You would see that blue shirt all over Dallas and nothing was anywhere near as common.

Kofi and Sheamus start things off as we hear about New Day holding the titles for over 200 days. Somehow they’re not even at the halfway point. Sheamus gets taken down into the corner for the Unicorn Stampede and Woods starts in with some tromboning. Xavier comes in and gets beaten down as JBL has the nerve to compare these two to the Freebirds and the Horsemen.

Sheamus gets in the forearms to the beat of NEW DAY SUCKS and it’s off to Rusev for a running flip senton. Woods sends Del Rio to the floor in a big crash but Sheamus is over there to takes New Day off the apron in a smart move. Not that it matters as Kofi gets the hot tag a few seconds later and house is cleaned again. Trouble in Paradise is broken up and Rusev adds a kick to the head of his own for two.

The fans try to get an UP UP DOWN DOWN chant going and Big E. tags himself in for some suplexes. The spear through the ropes takes out Sheamus, Rusev and Barrett but it does the same to Big E., who thankfully didn’t break his neck. Back in and Woods drops a top rope double stomp for two on Sheamus. Del Rio makes a save and hits a scary double stomp off the apron to crush Kofi. That leaves Woods alone to take the Bull Hammer from Barrett to give Sheamus the pin at 10:02.

Rating: D+. Ok they’re trolling us now right? The League of Nations is one of the most worthless stables in a LONG time and they’re beating one of the most over groups in recent memory? I know it’s designed to set up the post match shenanigans but there are multiple ways to do the same thing without beating New Day. It’s even worse when you consider the group was split less than a month later.

Post match Barrett says there are no three men who can beat them. Cue Shawn Michaels (nearly causing the wife to jump out of the upper deck), Mick Foley and Steve Austin (he’s a bit too big of a star for this group) for the beatdown. The moment is cool but Cole talking about how great of a moment this is feels so stupidly forced. Anyway, house is quickly cleaned (and apparently Austin further injures his already destroyed shoulder in the process). New Day gets back in and dancing ensues with Shawn and Steve getting into it…..until it’s a Stunner for Woods. Beer is quickly consumed.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose. Lesnar is the Beast and needs someone to fight him so Dean was like “eh I’ll do it.” This led to one heck of a beatdown so Ambrose was given some weapons by various hardcore legends (barbed wire bat from Foley and a chainsaw from Terry Funk) because this is a no holds barred street fight.

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar

Anything goes and Heyman gives Brock a big, over the top intro. JBL gives us a good example of trying to be too smart by calling Lesnar a former NWA Champion (assuming he means NCAA), which of course he never won. Brock hits the first suplex inside of ten seconds and the huge video screen above the ring kept count (It had been all over the place all night with unicorns for the New Day and various three camera shot replays. In other words, it was annoying in a hurry.).

We hit the third German suplex forty five seconds in and Ambrose is on the floor. A few kendo stick shots annoy Lesnar so he rolls two more suplexes. Brock breaks the stick over his knee and there’s number six. Ambrose can barely move so he gives the referee a thumbs up and there are numbers seven and eight before we’re even five minutes into the match. Dean slaps him in the face….and gets suplexed again.

With nothing else to do, Lesnar offers Dean a free shot with the stick, which Brock then stands on. That earns him a low blow (Ambrose: “THAT’S HILARIOUS!”) and now the stick shots work a bit better. Dean goes outside and finds a chainsaw (Heyman’s eyes bug out) but that means a tenth suplex. A laptop off Lesnar’s face allows Dean to chair him a few times, only to have Brock run the ropes for a belly to belly superplex. Dean’s next trick is a fire extinguisher blast to the face followed by some lame chair shots to the ribs.

A dropkick to send the chair into Lesnar’s face works a bit better and the top rope chair drop gets two. For some reason Dean throws in about ten chairs, which he then goes sailing over off another German suplex. The F5 is countered into a DDT onto (or close to) a chair for two. Now it’s time for the barbed wire baseball bat but it’s another German suplex onto the chairs. An F5 onto them is enough to put Dean away at 12:50.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as I remember it but they made it very clear that Ambrose wasn’t on Lesnar’s level or really close to it for that matter. There’s only so much you can do when Lesnar is out there doing nothing but suplexes (other than those and an F5, I actually can’t think of anything else he did in the match) and Dean ran into that problem here. This could have been a lot worse but a little more offense from Ambrose would have been appreciated.

Ric Flair teaches Ryder how to Woo but it turns out to be a Snickers commercial. Ryder takes a bite….and turns into Charlotte. Yeah I don’t get it either but I think Charlotte is the new Intercontinental Champion.

Hall of Fame time with a pretty good class:

Godfather (So completely out of place here.)

Stan Hansen (How was he not in already?)

Big Boss Man (That’s perfectly fine.)
Jacqueline (Fine, just don’t let her talk.)

Joan Lunden (Warrior Award, which seems to have been forgotten this year.)

Fabulous Freebirds (You could argue they were the headliners.)

Snoop Dogg (Harmless. Not exactly PG but harmless.)

Sting (Only entrance and the loudest reaction.)

We go back to the Kickoff Show with Lita unveiling the new WOMEN’S Title (meaning the Divas era is finally over). Oh and remember that this is completely different than the original Women’s Title, meaning it actually has its own lineage.

We recap the Women’s Title match with a really cool WWE Network themed video. It’s a search for Women’s Champions which shows some famous names before a Women’s Revolution search brings up the three of them (with Stephanie’s screeching narration of course). This gets the music video treatment, which it actually deserves.

Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

The title is officially vacant coming in though Charlotte never lost the Divas Title. Banks has Snoop Dogg (her real life cousin) rap her to the ring, which should guarantee her winning the title here. She also has Eddie Guerrero inspired gear and actually looks better in the tights than the trunks. Charlotte (still wearing the Divas Title) has Ric Flair in her corner and debuts the blue gear, with the robe being made from the robe Flair wore in his final match. That’s a very good thing as she rocks the heck out of that outfit. Lita is holding the new title and after the Big Match Intros we’re ready to go.

Everyone trades rollups to start in a fast and pretty athletic sequence until Charlotte kicks Becky in the face. That earns a nice round of applause and you can tell the women are ready tonight. A hurricanrana sends Charlotte across the ring and Sasha throws in an Eddie dance. They botch (not bad) a sunset flip/German suplex spot before Charlotte it sent outside, leaving Sasha to elbow Becky in the face.

Charlotte pulls Sasha outside though and gives her something like a wheelbarrow suplex onto the apron. Back in and Becky (with a lot of eye makeup) grabs an arm trap reverse DDT for two on Charlotte and we hit the cross armbreaker. Flair gets on the apron like a good pop though and it’s time for the Figure Four. That also means that it’s time for Sasha to come in with a frog splash for the save.

Becky grabs something like a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte and rolls Sasha up for the same. In the first big spot of the match, Sasha dives through the ropes to flip onto Charlotte (possibly catching her foot on the ropes but it didn’t seem to change much). Becky TAKES OUT FLAIR, drawing one of the biggest pops of the night. With Becky and Sasha staggered, Charlotte goes up top and moonsaults onto both of them (looked sweet) for maybe the biggest spot in the history of women’s wrestling.

Back in and double Natural Selection gets a double near fall, much to Charlotte and Ric’s collective frustration. Charlotte loads Sasha up into an electric chair but Becky comes in with a missile dropkick for two on Sasha. The Disarm-Her has Charlotte in trouble until Sasha makes the save with the Bank Statement.

That brings Charlotte back in with the Figure Four on Banks, which is upgraded into the Figure Eight until Becky pulls them to the ropes. Charlotte spears Banks down but gets taken to the top for one heck of a superplex. Banks gets up and goes for the Bank Statement, only to be sent outside so Charlotte can grab the Figure Eight (with Flair holding Banks’ foot) to make Becky tap at 16:08.

Rating: A-. Match of the night so far by a good stretch and pretty easily the best women’s match ever on the main roster to date. There were a few botches here and there but the idea that three women could have a match on par with if not exceeding a lot of the better men would have been unthinkable just a few years ago. Great stuff here and FAR better than I think anyone could have hoped for (save for the logical Banks title win of course).

Charlotte poses and gets some pyro to really make this special.

You know, we’re about two hours and twenty minutes into this show and it’s on pace to be one of the best shows ever. I know there are some booking issues but other than a nothing six man (with a really fun post match segment), nothing has been bad and even that match was fine. However, there are four matches left and nearly TWO AND A HALF HOURS left in the show. I think I know where things are going to start going downhill.

The Cell is lowered for the 33^rd time in WWE history. That stat kind of pulls things back a bit no?

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker and it’s time for this show to start to unravel. So Shane came back in January and talked about how Vince and Stephanie had ruined everything. There was something about a lockbox with evidence of Vince doing something bad (never specified) and Shane threatened to open it if he didn’t get to run Raw (which he said basically meant WWE). Vince decided to put it up in a match with Shane facing Undertaker in the Cell. Undertaker’s Wrestlemania career was put on the line and that’s about it for anyone buying this as anything serious.

At the end of the day, it’s really, REALLY hard to believe that Undertaker was in any real danger against Shane, who hadn’t wrestled a single match in seven years. It’s kind of hard to buy this as a competitive match, but there’s a very good chance that this was supposed to be John Cena instead of Shane but injuries derailed the plans (a major problem all night). To their credit, this match led to something like tens of thousands of tickets being sold in a hurry so it was definitely a draw and worthy of this kind of a push.

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Inside Hell in a Cell. Shane does the high energy entrance and brings his kids out to dance to the ring with him as Shane Bucks fall from the ceiling in a cool moment. Apparently Shane wants to take Undertaker’s cardio, which you know Shane has in droves due to, you know, everything that works against him. Some right hands have no effect on Undertaker so he punches Shane down with one shot. Remember: best pure striker ever in WWE, which you can add to the list of reasons this should be a squash.

Snake Eyes into the big boot have Shane reeling but he gets Undertaker to chase him and stomps away. That earns him a throw into the cage wall and the apron legdrop as this is total dominance in the first five minutes. The Last Ride gets two and the match is instantly a complete mess at 5:32. I’m sorry but there’s no way I can buy this no matter what WWE wants to tell me. That move has beaten World Champions but SHANE MCMAHON, in his mid 40s and seven years removed from his last match, kicks out of it after getting beaten up? Just….no, period.

Undertaker grabs the steps but gets pulled into a weak triangle choke. That’s countered into a chokeslam onto the steps for another two as Shane is suddenly the offspring of Super Cena and Hulk Hogan. Undertaker misses an elbow onto the steps so Shane sits on them and teases Undertaker into a drop toehold onto said steps. I don’t buy Undertaker as being that stupid, nor do I buy the cover that follows.

Shane punches him in the face off the situp so Undertaker gets him in the Hell’s Gate, which Shane reverses into a Sharpshooter. You know, because anyone can survive THREE UNDERTAKER FINISHERS IN TWELVE MINUTES. Undertaker easily powers out so Shane punches him into the corner, which is totally enough to have Undertaker in trouble. Coast to Coast into a trashcan gets two and Shane grabs….boltcutters.

He cuts the Cell open but Undertaker tackles him through the wall and onto the announcers’ table. A monitor to the head looks to set up a Tombstone onto the table but Shane reverses into a sleeper. That’s reversed with a backwards crash through the table as this is getting even more ridiculous. A toolbox to the head puts Undertaker on a table…..and Shane climbs the Cell.

The big elbow completely misses (because it would have killed Undertaker) and you can see the crash pad deflate as Shane lands. Cole: “FOR THE LOVE OF MANKIND!” It was a terrifying spot live but now it’s much more silly than anything else, which isn’t the point in a match like this. Then again this stopped being anything serious or really interesting as soon as the Last Ride only got two so it’s a moot point. Shane says bring it again so Undertaker carries him inside for the Tombstone and the pin at 30:06.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here with a match that should have been a glorified squash (which this was) that ran only about half this long. The idea that Shane could hang in there with Undertaker under these or any circumstances (including a bunch of run-ins, which never happened), is a combination of insulting and stupid.

It’s a ridiculous story (both the buildup and the match itself) and a terribly dull match with one big spot not being able to make up for anything. This was more fun live but GOOD NIGHT it does not hold up. Cut it down to twenty minutes at most and this is much better but as it is, this is horrible. On top of that, allegedly Shane was supposed to win until Undertaker shot it down, which he certainly should have done. The show has hit a major wall now and it’s going to need something special to bring them out.

Shane is taken out on a stretcher as the announcers brag about how awesome he is, which is why a lot of people don’t like seeing Shane wrestle. Yeah he’ll do a bunch of stuff but he gets WAY more credit and praise than he deserves. Shane gives a thumbs up on the way out.

Reason #1 this show crashed so hard: from the time the Cell was lowered to the time we cut away from Shane: 50:43. That’s a lot of time to spend on something that…..bleh.

The pre-show panel chats for a bit.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Fandango, Damien Sandow, Shaquille O’Neal, Big Show, Viktor, Diamond Dallas Page, Konnor, Tatanka, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Goldust, Curtis Axel, Baron Corbin, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Bo Dallas, Darren Young, Kane

O’Neal is a surprise, or as much of one as you can be when his face popped up on the big screen during the other entrances. We get the big staredown between Shaq and Show but they have to stop and double chokeslam Kane. Everyone else is sent outside (none eliminated) until Fandango comes in and gets eliminated. Sandow (POP) does the same and is eliminated as well, allowing everyone else to come in and eliminate Shaq and Show. Somehow, that means we NEED to see them at Wrestlemania the next year, despite almost no one asking to see it. Everyone stands around until Page hits the Diamond Cutter on Viktor and tosses him with ease.

Konnor gets rid of Page a few seconds later as this is already pretty dull stuff. The yet to be official Golden Truth eliminates Konnor and Tatanka goes on a warpath that no one was asking for. Corbin tosses Tatanka to no reaction and Kane backdrops Swagger out. The Social Outcasts of all people clean house and get rid of Goldust and Truth. We get a victory lap until Kane and Corbin get rid of Rose and Axel.

We’re down to Corbin, Kane, Young, Breeze, Henry and Dallas with Kane chokeslamming Baron. Henry comes back in after being on the floor for six minutes to eliminate Slater and Breeze to get us down to five. Kane and Young (the oddest couple until….Young and Bob Backlund I guess) get rid of Henry before Kane dumps Dallas and Young. Corbin sneaks in from behind though and eliminates Kane to win at 9:43 and set off the NXT chants.

Rating: D. This was your annual “hey we still have jobs” battle royal but for once they let someone have the win to elevate them up the card. Corbin hits the ground running and odds are he’s going to be challenging for the Intercontinental Title at next year’s show. That’s how you introduce a star and it worked very well. The battle royal itself didn’t though with too many dead spots, but at least they kept the pace up after the first year’s was over thirteen minutes and last year’s was over eighteen.

Wrestlemania XXXIII is in Orlando.

Here are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to perform, which is never a bad thing. They’re followed by something that’s a bit more hit or miss: Rock’s annual Wrestlemania appearance. This time it’s a bit different though because he has a FLAMETHROWER. He lights a ROCK sign on fire and this eats up even more time on a show already over three and a half hours long with the main event to go.

After the long entrance and some standing around, Rock FINALLY says his first words nearly eight minutes after the cheerleaders started. We get some crowd praising and talk of Rock babies as there’s a loud echo on everything Rock says (kind of cool because of just how big the place is) and the new attendance record of 101,763 is announced. Yeah I know it’s probably not quite that high and much like in 1987, I really don’t care that much.

Rock says it’s about to get good…and we’ve got Wyatts. Thankfully this means we get the Fireflies in the stadium, which was one of the coolest visuals I’ve ever seen. It actually lit up the ring, which is pretty impressive for a bunch of phones. Bray introduces himself and says he chose Rock because Rock represents a lie. Rock is supposed to be the People’s Champion but this is Bray’s moment. He’s going to eviscerate Rock on the grandest stage of them all and the people have to watch.

Rock mocks the eviscerating line and thinks Bray has been hitting the bong. We get some jokes about Rowan and Strowman (Is this where Rock buried Bray? I never can tell with these things.) before Rock praises Bray for having it all (BURIAL! HE’S BURYING HIM! SOMEONE GET A SHOVEL TO HELP BRAY!) and getting 100,000 people on their feet. Rock accuses Bray of eating Hot Pockets but Bray says he’s here to kick the door down. However, Rock has an idea: let’s have a match! We get a referee and Rock says pick any Family member as he takes off the workout gear to reveal trunks.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Rock Bottom, six seconds. Again, I saw this called Rock burying the Wyatts. You know, because people are worried about ERICK ROWAN needing protection.

The Family surrounds Rock and heeeere’s Cena for the save. House is cleaned, signature moves are hit and Rock welcomes Cena back (he would be back in about a month) to FINALLY end this, 28:15 after the cheerleaders came out (I’m keeping time for a reason in case you couldn’t tell).

It’s 11:03pm so let’s recap the main event. Roman Reigns was World Champion but HHH couldn’t get him to go corporate so it’s Austin vs. Vince again. HHH made Reigns defend the title in the Royal Rumble, which he of course entered and won to set up this match. People really weren’t all that interested but you knew this was going to happen several months back. You know, because THIS TIME FOR SURE it’s going to get Reigns over.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

HHH is defending and here’s Stephanie in what I think is a Mad Max look. It’s a closeup of her face in front of a barren wasteland as she talks about how this is their world and we’re all just living in it. Basically all hope is lost and we need to give up on this ridiculous belief that anyone can save us from the Authority.

Then an army of people in skull masks (NXT wrestlers with Enzo Amore at the front) carrying WWE Titles comes to the ring to set up HHH’s entrance where Stephanie gets to show off her legs. Again, just like the last two years, the big face gets to follow this rather cool (and over the top) HHH entrance. But hey, at least we get the annual HHH is Cool moment right?

As ridiculous (and as much as they’re begging the fans to boo them instead of Reigns) as this is, it’s NOTHING compared to the outright hatred that Reigns receives. The man is booed out of Texas and allegedly the audio had to be turned down in response. If that’s true…..I really wouldn’t be surprised.

Since these two can’t stand each other, they go to a headlock and armbar to start. The fans unload on Reigns when he shoulders HHH, only to get hiptossed to the floor. Back in and HHH works on the arm some more until Reigns shoves him into the corner for more incredible booing. A lockup goes nowhere as this is already starting to look like one of HHH’s disastrous main events.

Some hard forearms to the back of Reigns’ head put him down. The comeback is so soundly booed that it’s almost comical. A Stunner over the top rope sets up the apron dropkick for one on the champ. Stephanie offers a quick distraction so HHH can get in a low blow (FACE POP) and Reigns goes down again. HHH goes with some hard right hands to the face and the spinebuster gets two.

They head outside with HHH sending him face first into the announcers’ table (which he did a few weeks back to break Reigns’ nose). Another comeback is cut off and Reigns is thrown into the German announcers. Back in and Reigns uppercuts him out of the air and hammers away, only to have HHH bail from the Superman Punch. They trade whips into the steps until Reigns spears him through the barricade for almost no reaction. This is basically the same problem as HHH vs. Jericho in 2002: there’s no reason to believe the champ has a chance so there’s no reason to care until Reigns hits a spear in the ring.

Back in again and Reigns is holding his arm but HE’LL CONTINUE! And without a thirty minute nap like at the Rumble! Oh he’s got his working boots on tonight. HHH puts on a Fujiwara armbar of all things because the main event of Wrestlemania with a match that’s supposed to be based on hatred is built around a bad arm. See, when Daniel Bryan did that, it was entertaining. When Reigns is doing it, the fans are cheering the evil villain.

Reigns powers out of something like the Rings of Saturn but can’t knock the confetti off of HHH’s head. It’s back to the armbar until Reigns FINALLY gets the break with a powerbomb. That goes nowhere so WE HIT ANOTHER ARMBAR BECAUSE THIS MATCH NEEDS TO BE ALL LONG AND EPIC AND STUFF! Another powerbomb breaks the hold again but the spear is countered into a Pedigree which is countered into a backdrop to the floor.

The fans start singing to placate their boredom until the spear gets….no count because Stephanie pulls the referee out. Now Stephanie gets in to yell at the referee, earning herself a spear and turning Reigns into the biggest star in the world (for about thirty seconds). If my memory serves me right, she hasn’t taken a bump in nearly a year since then, or really had anything bad happen to her that lasted more than a day or two.

The Pedigree gives us the first hot near fall of the match and it’s the Superman Punch to drop HHH. The second spear is broken up with a knee and Stephanie hands HHH the sledgehammer (She took a spear less than four minutes ago so OF COURSE she’s capable of doing that. This woman is scary.). Not that it matters as another Superman Punch and the spear give Reigns the title back at 27:04.

Rating: D. And a lot of that is just for having the guts to go out there and do a match this boring in this spot on this show. This match was twelve minutes of HHH working on the arm and then getting into the main event style that went exactly where we knew it was going. The lack of drama or really anything interesting (save for that Stephanie spear) killed this and there was no recovering given how long the thing ran.

This needed to be about fifteen minutes shorter and we would have had the same result: Reigns winning and getting booed out of the building because people just don’t want to see him in this spot. There was a total lack of hatred and violence here and it really dragged things down, which is far too often the case for any given HHH match. It’s one of the worst Wrestlemania main events ever and there’s really no way around that.

A quick celebration sets up the traditional long music video to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t think of a single show that is so completely different from the first half to the second. The worst thing about the first few matches is the booking with the worst match being a somewhat dull six man tag. If you cut this off after the Women’s Title, this is one of the better pay per views I’ve seen in several years.

Then the Cell was lowered, kicking off the last “four” matches (counting Rock vs. Rowan) and the long segment. When you add up the Cell, the Rock segment and the main event, they all combined for over two hours. That’s two REALLY bad matches and a segment that went on far too long (but was entertaining at times) adding up to an episode of Smackdown. Clip off fifteen minutes from Shane vs. Undertaker (and another five from the intro/post match stuff), ten from Rock’s stuff (say, him playing with a flamethrower) and AT LEAST ten off the main event and this is instantly a less horrible show.

Unlike most pay per views, Wrestlemania is almost exclusively remembered for two to three matches more often than not. Therefore, it’s a major problem when your two main matches are long and rather horrible. It was hard to keep interest in this show even sitting in the stadium and that should not happen. There’s a lot of good stuff in the first half though and switching the order up would have helped out a lot. Unfortunately that’s completely the opposite of what they did as it was all stupid booking overshadowing the good and then REALLY bad stuff covering the rest of the show.

It’s easy to see why this show is remembered so poorly when the second half is just such a wreck. It felt like a huge way to have the fans get annoyed while WWE laughs and says “we’ve got all your money”. You shouldn’t leave Wrestlemania talking about how bad the show was when there was so much good going on. The bad completely outweighs the good here and there was no way anything else was going to be remembered. Awful show that lives down to its reputation.

Ratings Comparison

Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

New Day vs. League of Nations

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D-

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh yeah I was still feeling the in-person vibe when I watched this back the first time. A C- is WAY too generous.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxii-strap-yourselves-in-this-is-a-long-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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