Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

The Road to Wrestlemania begins tonight, even with the Elimination Chamber being in a month and messing things up all over again. The even money is on either Jericho, Orton or Sheamus as the dark horse. This probably marks the only time that he’s ever been considered dark in his life but it’s a special occasion. Oh and there are two world title matches tonight too if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s get to it.

Now we’ve been promised a great main event here tonight. They wouldn’t lie to us. Not a wrestling company.

The opening video is your usual one for something like this: everyone saying they want to go to the Rumble.

Smackdown World Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It says a lot when the Smackdown main event is opening the show. It’s been like 2 years since they’ve gotten a main event. Anyway, Bryan is the champion in case the zombie apocalypse has occurred and you have no access to finding out who champion was and you’ve somehow found my flash drive. Henry legit injured his knee on Smackdown so it should be interesting to see if he does much tonight.

Pin, submission or escape to win. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Bryan goes for a quick escape but the monsters pull him down. Show takes Henry down with a quick shoulder block and then splashes him against the cage. He does it again but I guess he’s not Bobby Lashley as the cage doesn’t break, even on the third attempt. Bryan tries to escape but Show makes the save.

Show takes over and throws Bryan into the cage. The big punch hits the cage and Bryan goes after….the leg. That works about as it does every time you go after a giant’s leg and Show rams him into various things. Bryan kicks him in the knee to take him down and then goes after Bryan. Danny calls for the door to be open but Henry goes for the save. Show kicks Henry in the face to take over again.

Bryan gets thrown into the cage a bunch of times and a hard slam puts him down. Henry comes back as we’re into the regular formula of one guy stays down while the others fight. Mark misses a charge into the cage and Show spears him which Bryan gets two off of. Bryan escapes a chokeslam and tries a LeBell Lock on Show but Henry makes the save. Henry loads up the Slam on Bryan but Show knocks him out with the punch for two as Bryan saves. Bryan goes to escape but Show grabs onto him. After holding on for awhile, Bryan falls down and escapes for the win at 9:13.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and hopefully it gets Bryan away from these monsters. There’s only so much he can do against guys this size without looking ridiculous. They laid around a lot in this but that’s the accepted formula in triple threats. By that I mean one person would stay down for way too long off a basic move but Henry needed the break given his knee. Not bad but it felt like a Smackdown main event instead of a PPV title match.

Bryan does his overblown celebration post match.

Elimination Chamber promo with Amazing Grace playing over Sheamus talking.

Cena video on his mainstream media appearances and international appeal. Basically filler.

Bella Twins/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres/Tamina/Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly

Title defenses? What are those? I didn’t know Beth was alive anymore. Tamina and Natalya start us off and thankfully it lasts longer than their match this past Friday. Off to Eve who I thought turned heel. Eve does her usual stupid dancing offense and it’s off to Beth. Off to a Bella who gets two and hooks a chinlock. Booker actually asks why Lawler likes the Bellas. Alicia comes in and beats on whichever Bella that is. Does it really even matter? Off to Eve and everyone goes outside where Kelly hits a big dive. Beth slaps her way in and the Glam Slam kills Kelly dead at 5:23.

Rating: D+. The dive was cool and this was one of the better Divas matches I can remember in awhile, but is there any point to this division anymore? That’s the first time I remember seeing Beth in forever and the match was an 8 person tag instead of something for the title. When’s the last time she defended it on TV? Based on what I can find, her last three defenses have been at TLC, Survivor Series and Vengeance.

Video on Ryder being injured.

Ryder is here in a back brace and says he’s here to watch Cena beat Kane up. He runs into Johnny Ace who has a personal room ready for Zack. Eve comes up to run her mouth on Ace and calls him vindictive, pompous and a word I couldn’t understand. Eve wheels him into the dressing room.

John Cena vs. Kane

Mostly booing for Cena here. Cena goes straight for Kane but is taken down quickly. The dueling chants begin and Cena fires off punches, knocking Kane to the floor. They brawl outside and Kane goes knee first into the steps. AA doesn’t work as Cena falls forward. Off to the chinlock and the match slows way down. Cena fights up and we get the boo/yay punch sequence. Uppercut by Kane gets two as does a suplex and it’s back to the chinlock.

Cena fights up and makes a comeback but Kane punches him right back down. A corner splash hits Cena but the second is countered by a drop toehold into the middle buckle. The idea is that Cena can’t really hurt Kane, as in the story to almost all of Kane’s matches. Cena counters the smother into a Crossface. Kane escapes and a side slam gets two for the masked man. The top rope clothesline puts Cena down and here comes the chokeslam. Cena ducks it and tries his shoulder blocks but Kane pops up. ProtoBomb looks to set up the Shuffle but Kane pops up and kicks him back down.

They go to the corner and Cena knocks him off. Cena hits a top rope Five Knuckle Shuffle and tries the AA but Kane escapes. Cena goes for the knee and tries the STF but gets kicked to the floor. Kane rams him into the apron and they fight up the ramp for the double countout. I forgot to time it but it ran roughly 15 minutes.

Rating: D+. Very slow match here and pretty boring. The idea that Cena can’t hurt Kane got boring quickly and the ending didn’t help things at all. I don’t really get where they’re going with this, but I’d assume it’s going towards something about Cena being evil but rising above it. Just dull for the most part and the same stuff done over and over again.

Cena rams something that looked like equipment into Kane and they go into the backstage area. Kane is sent into trashcans which doesn’t really stop him. The Big Fried Freak grabs a chair and pops Cena with it about four times. Wouldn’t you know it we’re right next to Ryder’s dressing room? Kane goes in and smothers Ryder into presumably death.

Kane comes back out with Ryder in the wheelchair. He wheels Ryder into the ring and here’s Eve to try to make the save. This goes about as well as you would think and Ryder gets tombstoned. Cena finally comes back to fight Kane but walks into a chokeslam. Kane leaves and Ryder gets taken out on a stretcher.

Don’t Be A Bully.

Same kind of video on Rock from earlier. He talks about his movie and this is just eating up time.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

Remember what I said about filler? Brodus dances and jiggles as Drew hits him. A headbutt to the chest puts Drew down and there’s the suplex. I know because Brodus said suplex right before he hit it. Splash in the corner and What The Funk ends this in 1:15.

We recap Punk vs. Ziggler. Punk has been screwed by Johnny Ace multiple times now and keeps calling him a failure and all those things. Ace has finally said that he’s going to screw Punk as he’s the guest referee. He’s being evaluated tomorrow night so the question is will he screw Punk because he’s got nothing to lose or will he play it fair?

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Johnny Ace is referee. Actually scratch that as he says he’ll be outside referee and there will be a regular one in the ring. We get big match intros as we should. Punk gets a nice reaction. Before the bell, Ace comes in and throws Vickie out. My goodness they’re actually following continuity! Punk won a match a few weeks ago that ensured Vickie wouldn’t be out here if you remember that.

Ziggler goes for a quick Fameasser and Punk goes for a quick GTS which both miss. Ace is texting already. They start with a nice sequence of counters and avoiding moves. This is going to be a chess match. Sunset flip gets two for the champ and he tries the Vice but Ziggy gets to the ropes. Punk takes it to the mat quickly and we go outside. Punk gets in a few shots and goes up top back in but Ziggler knocks him off for two. The champ is holding his neck.

Neckbreaker puts Punk down and Ziggler drops about ten elbows, finishing with a jumping elbow for a one count. Off to a chinlock for a few moments. Punk fights up and they slug it out. Ziggler grabs a sleeper which Punk reverses into an Anaconda attempt. Back to the sleeper but it’s not all the way on. Ziggler rolls off and a dropkick gets two. He tries a running Fameasser but gets caught in a helicopter bomb for two.

Punk fires off strikes and a swinging neckbreaker to put Dolph down. There are the knee and bulldog and Punk has the fire in his eyes. GTS is countered into a catapult but Punk lands on the middle rope. Ziggler rolls through a cross body for two with tights. Punk gets a running boot for a delayed two. This has been FAR better than any other match tonight. Punk slams him to set up the elbow but stops because it’s near Ace. He goes up anyway and the elbow gets two. It also draws a Randy Savage chant and a smile from me.

Another GTS attempt is countered by Ziggler and Punk is shoved into the referee. Ace tries to wake him up and Punk gets the Vice. Ziggler taps but there’s no referee because Ace is trying to revive him. Punk lets it go and yells at Ace. Ziggler rolls him up but Punk reverses into a rollup of his own. It would get three but there’s still no referee. John rolls the referee back in and keeps checking on him.

Punk finally shoves Ace and yells at him. Ziggler tries to jump him but gets caught in the GTS. Ace gets knocked down by Dolph’s feet and thinks Punk intentionally hit him. There’s STILL no referee to count the pin, but he’s on his knees now. Ace won’t count so Punk says the next GTS is for him. Punk loads up another GTS on Ziggler but Dolph counters into a Fameasser in a SWEET counter but it only gets two.

Ziggler is back into it now and he pounds away at Punk like there’s no tomorrow. The regular referee is back up now. Here comes the Zig Zag but Punk catches it into a slingshot. GTS hits but Ace comes in and….counts the pin along with the regular referee so that Punk wins at 14:42.

Rating: B. Not a classic or anything but it was by far the best match of the night and a great breath of air to this horrible show. Punk and Ziggler are just great together and in the match, everything made perfect sense. Ace didn’t see who hit him and that it was an accident so he was justifiably mad. He spent a lot of time with the referee but there never was any actual cheating.

Ace hands the referee the belt so Punk can take it. He applauds Punk as well.

Ad for WWE on Youtube which will have 9 original shows apparently. It debuts Wednesday.

Rumble by the Numbers promo.

Royal Rumble

Miz is #1 and he has the AWESOME white balloons to go through. Elimination Chamber is in three weeks. My goodness. Alex Riley is second in a nice twist. Miz takes him down in the corner and Booker is talking about royal jelly. Riley throws him to the apron but Miz lands on the apron. Riley charges like an idiot and is out before #3 comes in. Third is R-Truth and I’m so glad they’re not calling this random anymore. It would just be laughable.

Truth puts him on the apron as well but Miz gets back in. The Finale is escapes but the Little Jimmy is avoided. Truth tries….something that I think was suppsed to be a forward suplex but turned into a powerslam. Miz is thrown to the apron and Cody is #4. Cody hits a quick Beautiful Disaster and then teams up with Miz to work on Truth. Cody takes awhile working on Truth and is thrown to the apron but he hangs on.

Miz takes Truth down with a neckbreaker and Cody gets back in. #5 is Justin Gabriel and he goes up top to take the heels out with a cross body. Flying shoulder takers Miz down and a Blue Thunder Bomb does the same to Cody. The clock seems to be going very quickly. Miz is put down again by a spinwheel kick but Cody gets in a shot to slow Gabriel down. The feuds pair off with Justin and Cody trading chops.

Primo is #6 and unfortunately there’s no Rosa. He actually cleans house with clotheslines and martial arts. He takes all four guys down and never gets hit at all. A NICE headscissors puts Justin down and Cody misses Beautiful Disaster to Truth. The spinning forearm takes Cody down but Miz throws Truth out. Truth pulls Miz out and hits a Little Jimmy on the floor, but Miz went under the ropes so he’s not eliminated.

In at #7 is MICK FOLEY! He, ahem, “runs” to the ring and takes Primo down quickly. Officially there are 5 people in at the moment but Miz is on the floor. Primo charges and gets backdropped out and is eliminated by Mick. Cody jumps Foley as Justin takes a breather. There’s a Bang Bang knee in the corner. Double Arm DDT takes Cody down and Justin helps with the elimination attempt.

Alberto Del…..and never mind it’s Ricardo at #8. In a hilarious bit, he comes out in a rusted out 80s car with a Hefty bag covering a busted out window. He’s in the scarf and tights also. This is GREAT. Justin and Foley are stunned. There’s a Ricardo chant. He runs around for awhile and actually puts Justin out as Foley stands there. Santino is #9 as we’re in the comedy portion of the Rumble. Cody is still down in the corner and Miz is on the mat.

Ricardo comes right at Santino but runs from the Cobra being teased. Santino beats up Ricardo for a bit, gives him a wedgie, and tosses him. Foley and Santino are the only ones left and I kid you not: it’s Socko vs. the Cobra. They circle each other with their hand puppets on and this is hilarious. Epico is in at #10. Cobra, Socko, bye bye. The Cobra and Sock collide and it’s hilarious still.

Miz gets back in to fight Foley as Cody tosses Santino. Socko to Miz but Cody comes from behind to toss him. Miz and Cody are the only ones in now but Kofi comes in at #11 to keep them from fighting. Kofi does the running dive through the ropes into a clothesline to take Cody down. He speeds things way up and hits a springboard double clothesline and a double Boom Drop. Miz is thrown to the apron but Cody makes the save.

A dropkick from Cody puts Kofi down and the clock is already ticking again. In at #12 is….JERRY LAWLER!!! That was a nice surprise and he ducks a right hand from Miz. Both heels go down from right hands and dropkicks. A slam puts Miz down and Lawler drops the strap and hits the middle rope punch, but Cody puts him out with little effort. Still though that was a cool surprise.

It’s Kofi, Cody, Miz and now Big Zeke Jackson with new tights at #13. King is back on commentary and at least he lasted longer than he did in 1997 I believe. Zeke pounds on everyone but doesn’t try to eliminate anyone until Jinder Mahal comes in to bore us #14. Cole tries to make us care by talking about the color of his head wrap which isn’t a turban apparently. He takes forever to get in so Zeke beats on everyone for awhile. The fans chant USA, so I guess they don’t like Zeke and Kofi and are supporting Cody and Miz?

We hit the halfway point as Great Khali is #15. Jinder is a little nervous. I forgot he existed so I guess the Hall of Pain was effective. Khali chops everyone and Jinder is easily tossed after trying to fight back. Jackson goes after Khali but takes a chop of his own. A clothesline puts Jackson out. It’s Miz, Rhodes, Kingston and Khali in at the moment and we’ve had 11 eliminations and 15 entrants.

Cody is dropped onto the apron by Kofi. Here’s #16 in the form of Hunico on a tricked out lowrider bike. Camacho is with him but leaves. A nice spinning springboard cross body takes Kofi down and things speed up. He hits his modified Angle Slam on Cody but is quickly chopped down. We’re about 24 minutes in and already at #17, which is BOOKER T! Sorry but you have to shout when any old person is in these things. Internet policy don’t you know.

Booker hammers on everyone but Khali stares him down. Booker goes at him and is chopped down quickly. The ring is at its fullest so far I believe with six guys in it. Khali chops Rhodes in the corner and Miz throws Kofi to the apron. He skins the cat but Miz kicks him down. Kofi lands in a handstand and WALKS BACKWARDS ON HIS HANDS TO GET TO THE STEPS! That was INCREDIBLE!!!

Dolph Ziggler is in at #18 and goes after the guy that has easily just trumped the wall climb by Morrison. Not much happens until Jim Duggan is #19, getting one of the best reactions of the night. There are seven or eight in there at the moment: Duggan, Khali, Hunico, Rhodes, Miz, Kingston, Booker and Ziggler. So it’s 8 and we’ve had 19 entrants and 11 eliminations. Duggan gets in some shots but Rhodes puts him out with a clothesline to the back.

Khali, Ziggler and Cody team up to put out Booker but Khali goes out instead. #20 is….Michael Cole. There’s your gimmick for the Rumble. And he has the wrestling gear on. How does the screening process for these entrants go? We keep the camera on him for far too long as we now have Cole, Miz, Kofi, Cody, Hunico and Ziggler in now. Cody tries to put Ziggler out as Cole dances around. If JR is in this thing I’ll need a stiff drink. #21 is…..Kharma! Wow she’s back early but they’ve been playing up the whole only two women ever thing.

She goes right after Cole and runs him over so hard the headgear comes off. Cole jumps over the top rope to the apron as Booker and Lawler jump up to eliminate him. Ziggler goes after Kharma who plants her with the Implant Buster. She throws Hunico WAY up and out. Ziggler dumps her but that was awesome. Ok so we now have Ziggler, Cody, Miz and Kofi in there. Good to see the young guys getting their chance.

#22 is Sheamus and the place goes nuts. He’s in red now. House is cleaned with everyone but Kofi getting hit. Powerslam to Ziggler and one for Miz as well. He goes after Kofi as well as Cole gives us stats on the announcers. Sheamus dumps Kofi to get us down to three in the ring at the moment. There are the ten forearms to Cody and ten for Miz as well. #23 is the Road Dogg to very little reaction.

He hammers on everyone in sight and hits the three punches and dance. There’s the Shake Rattling Kneedrop which has a name that I don’t remember. Pumphandle slam takes Miz down and the fans chant You Still Got It. Jey Uso is #24 but Jimmy is in street clothes so it’ll just be one. He superkicks Miz as Vickie screams. The Umaga running hip shot hits Roadie and Ziggler is draped on the ropes. It’s Miz, Sheamus, Jey Uso, Road Dogg, Ziggler and Cody at the moment. We’ve had 18 eliminated and 24 entrants so far.

#25 is Jack Swagger. He and Ziggler hook up and it’s Barrett at #26 with new music. Barrett dumps Road Dogg and gets in a fight with Sheamus. #27, the lucky number, is David Otunga. Well so much for it being lucky this year. He takes forever to get to the ring as we have I think 8 people in there right now. Otunga legitimately won a case in court earlier this week so at least he has something to fall back on.

The ring is pretty full here as we wait on Orton to clear them out. There’s him, Jericho and one other spot that I can’t think of to go. There are eight in at the moment but I’ll wait until #30 gets in to recap them. #28 is Orton and the place goes banana. Orton runs people over and hits a Thesz Press on Barrett. He cleans house but Rhodes jumps him. Orton puts him in Elevated DDT position but has to fight Ziggler off. We get a double DDT instead. Ok then.

Orton tosses Uso then RKOs Barrett to toss him out. #29 is Chris Jericho so who’s #30. This could be very interesting. Jericho goes after everyone and tosses Otunga. We have Swagger, Sheamus, Jericho, Ziggler, Orton, Rhodes and Miz. Here’s #30 and it’s……Big Show. Well that’s kind of a letdown but it’s a good place for a giant. Sheamus throws Swagger out as Show gets in.

The final group: Orton, Sheamus, Jericho, Miz, Cody, Ziggler and Big Show. He puts out Miz and Cody on his own to get us down to five. There goes Ziggler to get us down to the final four. There’s plenty of time left as it’s only 10:37 and the show has been going on a little over 45 minutes. Everyone takes a corner and they all go after Big Show. He throws them off with ease but an RKO puts him down. Orton tosses Show by himself and Jericho tosses Orton.

It’s Sheamus vs. Jericho and they circle each other before going at it. This is kind of a surprising final pairing even though they were some of the early favorites. Jericho is in long tights too. Booker thinks Sheamus winning the Rumble would do something for his career. You can’t buy analysis like this people. Missile dropkick puts Sheamus down. Irish Curse looks to set up the Celtic Cross but Jericho escapes and puts Sheamus on the apron. Jericho kicks him down but Sheamus hooks the rope with his leg. He hits the slingshot to get back in and we keep going.

Sheamus puts Jericho into the apron but the Brogue Kick misses. Jericho gets back in and hooks the Walls of Jericho which Lawler questions the use of but it wore Sheamus down I guess. Jericho sets for a clothesline but Sheamus backdrops him to the apron. Chris hangs on and they go to the corner. Jericho has still gone over the top remember. Sheamus is knocked off and crotched so they’re both on the apron after having gone over the top. And they’re both back in so we continue. This final part has been good so far.

Codebreaker takes Sheamus down and Jericho tries to choke Sheamus over the top. For some reason he slaps Sheamus which is just freaking stupid. Jericho tries to fight back but the Codebreaker is countered and Sheamus sits him on the ropes. Jericho hangs on but Sheamus Brogue Kicks him down and wins the Rumble at 54:48.

Rating: B+. Very good Rumble with a great variety of comedy and wrestling to make it work. It felt somewhat formula based at times but everything in WWE does anymore. It was fun though and it seems that they’re pushing someone new (kind of) for a change which is the best you can ask for in these things.

Overall Rating: B-. Well the final two matches saved it but the first hour of so of this was AWFUL. That being said, the whole point of the show is the Rumble and that was great so I can’t complain about the overall show all that much. A good Rumble can save a show, and it plus the Raw Title match did here. Good show, but only because they have a nearly hour long match to cover up the first hour being awful.

Results
Daniel Bryan b. Mark Henry and Big Show – Bryan escaped the cage
Beth Phoenix/Bella Twins/Natalya b. Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Eve Torres – Glam Slam to Kelly
John Cena vs. Kane went to a double countout
Brodus Clay b. Drew McIntyre – What The Funk
CM Punk b. Dolph Ziggler – GTS
Sheamus won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Chris Jericho

 

 

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Dynamite
Date: January 20, 2021
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

It’s tag team night as we have a triple threat tag match to determine the official tag team of the Inner Circle. That’s certainly one way to go, though it isn’t likely to help the issues that they are already having. Odds are the match will be entertaining though, as most of their matches are. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.Opening sequence.

Here’s the Dark Order, complete with a cake because it is Negative One’s birthday. The cake is making John Silver hungy so the fans sing Happy Birthday in a nice moment. Cue the Chaos Project, who does not like Negative One or any children at all. The brawl is on so here is the Hybrid 2 to jump the Dark Order as well. Hangman Page is here too and it’s time for an eight man tag.

Dark Order/Hangman Page vs. Chaos Project/Hybrid 2

Silver gets taken down to start and it’s a butterfly suplex to keep him in trouble. Serpentico comes in but gets knocked out of the corner, allowing the hot tag to Page. House is cleaned in a hurry as everything breaks down. Cabana hits a top rope flying apple to Serpentico and Page moonsault down onto everyone at ringside. Back in and Page picks up Silver and Reynolds at once to drop them back onto Serpentico for two.

Luther breaks up something off the top though, allowing Serpentico to DDT Reynolds for two. Page powerbombs Evans over the barricade as Luther loads up a powerbomb onto the cake. Negative One breaks that up with a kendo stick and Silver sends Luther face first into the cage. Back in the ring and a Stunner sets up a Buckshot Lariat to send Serpentico into a German suplex to give Reynolds the pin at 6:15.

Rating: C+. The wrestling wasn’t great but that wasn’t the point here. This was all about the nice moment for Negative One and there is nothing wrong with that. It was a quick match with some goons losing to the Dark Order. They had some fun and made a kid smile. What more can you ask for than that?

Post break the Order holds Serpentico for a kendo stick shot from Negative One, who informs the Dark Order that his birthday was three days ago “you idiots”. And he throws the papers at Serpentico.

Back in the ring, John Silver asks Hangman Page if he is joining the Dark Order or not. Page says he can’t….but the HE SAID YES banners fall and the parade starts on the stage anyway. Page says he can’t do it because he did the team thing before and it didn’t work. He had a lot of fun with them but he just can’t do this. More apologizing ensues and Page leaves, though he does take a bottle of booze from Stu Grayson on the way out. This could be interesting.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

MJF doesn’t like interviewer Alex Marvez, saying his breath smells like rats having an orgy in a running microwave. With that image out of the way, MJF talks about how he doesn’t want the Inner Circle to have issues. Jericho thinks they’ll win tonight, with MJF saying the titles are next.

Tony Schiavone introduces Sting, who is here to praise Darby Allin, who joins him in the ring. Before Sting can get very far, here’s Team Taz to rant against Sting for costing Cage the TNT Title last week. The challenge is issued for a street fight and Allin says be careful what you wish for.

The Young Bucks go to Kenny Omega’s house, where they find a portrait of rather jacked Omega and Don Callis with their shirts off and their jeans riding rather low. Callis pops up and says that it was a birthday gift for Omega. Nick: “It was in October.” Callis: “It’s never too late to get started!” Anyway, Omega isn’t here because he’s been a bit busy. He’s also changed his number because people have been trying to call him up, including a bunch of old friends.

Callis sends Alex Marvez to the Dungeon (Marvez: “DUNGEON???”) but the camera has to stay here. With everyone else gone, Callis talks about how the Bucks have been friends with Omega for twelve years….and pays them for their twelve year investments with Omega. Matt: “We made this much last week.” Callis throws in another check for the merchandise, sending Matt over the edge with a rant about how the Bucks were there with Omega for years in Tokyo.

Matt knows those checks aren’t any good either because they used to work for Callis’ company (Impact). The Bucks go after him and violence seems to ensue after the camera is covered. This was a clever segment, though being threatened by the physicality of the Bucks isn’t the scariest feeling.

Cody Rhodes vs. Peter Avalon

Cody starts fast with the Cross Rhodes attempt but Avalon slips away. Cue Jade Cargill for a distraction though and Avalon gets in a low blow for two. Cody manages the Dustin Rhodes drop down uppercut but gets caught on top. Avalon pulls him down with a superplex and grabs a regular suplex for two.

We take a break and come back with Avalon missing something off the top. Cody seems to have hurt his knee so Avalon sends him outside. That doesn’t last long so they head back inside with Cody nailing a quick cutter. The powerslam sets up the Figure Four and Cody teases slapping him in the face, the threat of which is enough to make Avalon tap at 9:36.

Rating: C. I’ve seen worse and while Avalon still isn’t one of my favorites, he gave Cody a bit of trouble here. Cody is one of the smoother wrestlers in the company and I can go with seeing him on television more, though the Cargill stuff needs to go far away in a hurry. I’m not sure if Shaq is still on the table, but I’m also not sure how much interest there was in it in the first place.

Arn Anderson isn’t happy with Cody after the loss.

Tully Blanchard and FTR are happy with being #1 in the new rankings but here is Jurassic Express to interrupt. Jungle Boy says last week’s match taught him that he could hang with either of them, which Dax Harwood sees as a challenge. They’re fight next week, with Luchasaurus saying he’ll guarantee no one gets involved.

Jon Moxley vs. Nick Comoroto

Comoroto is a rather big (muscular) guy with a lot of hair. Looks a bit cavemanish. Moxley stomps him into the corner but Comoroto sends him into the corner instead. A running elbow to the face sets up a backbreaker but Comoroto misses a charge into the buckle. Moxley kicks him in the chest and snaps off a German suplex. The big clothesline doesn’t do much to Comoroto so Moxley chokes him out for the win at 3:55.

Rating: C. Comoroto was really impressive here and Moxley gave him a lot. The best thing about this was they treated Comoroto like someone who might have a future and given that WWE released him back in April, they might not be so fast to come after him again. Good little match here, and it made Comoroto look awesome.

Post match Moxley says things are crazy around here and he can’t keep track of where everyone is. Kenny Omega thought he could bring his frat brothers from Nashville to watch his back but all that did was make it more interesting for Moxley. It’s just going to mean bigger brawls and more blood with more limbs to break. Omega can bring in whoever he wants because all roads lead through him. Moxley even throws in some pushups.

Eddie Kingston is ready to face Lance Archer next week so here’s Archer who is ready to fight now. Jake Roberts breaks it up and says we’ll do this next week without Butcher and Blade.

Kenny Omega isn’t interested in hearing some questions about being at the beach and is even less happy about AEW being at his house earlier. He finds Callis, who has a black eye. Omega wants to now who did this and Callis slips up by saying it was Nick and Matt. Omega isn’t thrilled and Callis throws Marvez out.

Matt Hardy/Private Party vs. Matt Sydal/Top Flight

Dante Martin and Marq Quen start things off with Dante snapping off the hiptosses. Darius comes in as well for some dropkicks and Sydal joins them for a triple leapfrog into a spinwheel kick to Quen. We settle down with Private Party beating up Sydal until Top Flight comes in for a double half crab (as in three people pulling on a combination of legs). Sydal gets taken into the corner and we take a break.

Back with Kassidy holding Sydal in a chinlock but Sydal escapes and brings in Darius to clean house. The Spanish Fly drops Kassidy so Hardy comes in and is awkwardly sent outside. Everything breaks down again and Hardy comes back in for a bunch of Side Effects into a triple cover. Quen starts dancing and kicks Sydal as JR says there is a pile up in downtown Ringville. Darius gets dumped outside but the referee stops to yell at Hardy, allowing Kassidy to get in a chair shot to Dante. The shooting star press finishes Dante at 11:57.

Rating: C+. This was the usual all over the place match, but there were more than a few moments where it felt like they were trying to stick to the plans and then got lost because there was too much going on. The heel turn for Private Party is a good idea, because otherwise, Top Flight is possibly a better version of the same team.

Post match Top Flight isn’t happy so Hardy and Private Party beat them down again.

MJF goes in to see the rest of the Inner Circle and says that Jericho says the match has to happen. Let’s just get through this and move on. Sammy Guevara doesn’t quite buy it but he’s down with the idea.

Layla Hirsch vs. Penelope Ford

Ford has Charles Taylor (now the butler), Miro and Kip Sabian with him. Hirsch takes Ford to the mat to start and Ford is in early trouble. Back up and Taylor (under orders) trips Hirsch down. The cross armbreaker has Ford in more trouble but they head outside, with Hirsch getting distracted.

That lets Ford get in a pump kick and a whip into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Hirsch having none of this and getting in a dead lift German suplex. Hirsch pounds away on Ford to put her down before going up top for a big flip dive onto the men at ringside. Back in and Ford kicks her in the face, allowing Sabian to grab Layla’s foot for the pin at 8:05.

Rating: C-. Hirsch is someone who feels different and could be something in the near future. At the same time, they kept her strong in defeat as it took Ford and three men outside to beat her. The wrestling itself wasn’t all that great, but they made Hirsch look good and that has some potential in the future.

Post match Miro grabs the mic and makes Taylor say, while looking at Orange Cassidy, that Miro is his best friend now. Cassidy looks crushed and walks away, because he seems to be rather stupid in this story.

Here’s what’s coming next week and at Beach Break.

We’re having a #1 contenders tournament for the Women’s Title. No more details yet.

Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers jump Penta with Omega driving his rather large boot into Penta’s eyes.

Santana/Ortiz vs. Sammy Guevara/Jake Hager vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman/Chris Jericho

Anyone can tag anyone here. Jericho drives Sammy into the corner to start but Sammy sends him into the ropes. That’s fine with Sammy, who starts flipping a lot and sends Jericho outside. The big dive is teased but instead Sammy backflips into the Le Sex Gods pose, complete with a middle finger to Jericho. Hager comes in to run Santana over but Santana kicks the legs and head. Ortiz is in as well for a double belly to back suplex before it’s back to Jericho.

A moonsault press gives Santana two and we take a break. Back with Jericho taking Sammy down but Guevara gets over for the tag off to Hager. That means house is cleaned before a quick tag back to Sammy. That means a Cody Cutter to Ortiz and a clothesline to put Jericho on the floor. Everything breaks down and Sammy plants Ortiz with a suplex. The reverse hurricanrana drops MJF and there’s a super Spanish Fly for two on Ortiz.

Jericho teases hitting Hager with Floyd so Hager kicks him in the face. Wardlow slips MJF the ring and gets punched out by Hager for his efforts. Santana and Ortiz kick Hager down but MJF makes a save and tags himself in. A powerbomb sets up the Lionsault….and Jericho doesn’t get nearly over far enough, landing on his head/face instead.

The Codebreaker gets two on Ortiz, who comes back with a double DDT to Jericho and MJF. Hager comes back in for a running Vader Bomb on MJF and a very high Swanton gives Sammy two on MJF. Ortiz makes the save so Sammy hits most of the GTH on Jericho. Wardlow gets knocked off the apron but MJF grabs a quick rollup with trunks to pin Sammy at 12:39.

Rating: B-. The action was very good and Sammy makes me think of the good side of Jeff Hardy more and more every time I see him. The Jericho botch was more sad than anything else and I hope he doesn’t bust that out again, as he very easily could have landed on his head with that one. Just stick with the Codebreaker and the Walls. The rest was good though, as you can see the Inner Circle split continuing.

We are off the air in a hurry but at least they got everything in.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a good example of the wrestling not adding up to the overall rating, as there wasn’t a great match throughout the night but there are multiple things here that I want to see continue. In other words it gives me a reason to come back and that is one of the most important things a show can do. Good show, and Beach Break could become a big event in a hurry.

Results

Dark Order/Hangman Page b. Hybrid 2/Chaos Project – Buckshot Lariat into a German suplex to Serpentico

Cody Rhodes b. Peter Avalon – Figure Four

Jon Moxley b. Nick Comoroto – Rear naked choke

Private Party/Matt Hardy b. Top Flight/Matt Sydal – Shooting star press to Dante Martin

Penelope Ford b. Layla Hirsch – Pin with Kip Sabian holding the leg

Maxwell Jacob Friedman/Chris Jericho b. Jake Hager/Sammy Guevara and Santana/Ortiz – Rollup with trunks to Guevara

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

This show is special for a few reasons, not the least of which is the fact that we are in the Garden. That alone is enough to get excited, but the other big story here is the Raw World Title match between Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton, which is so intriguing that it seems to have raised the buys of the show to its highest in a few years. I’m curious to see how well it holds up so let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the Garden and the history of the Royal Rumble. You can’t ask for much more than that.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

MVP’s US Title isn’t on the line but Flair’s career is, which is hardly a fair trade. Before the match, Flair talks about his history in this building and thanks the fans for all of the respect they have given him since his first match here in March 1976. Then MVP’s music cuts him off because WWE knows how to disrespect legends.

Feeling out process to start with Flair working on the arm so MVP shoves him away. That just gets on Flair’s nerves so he hammers away in the corner, earning himself a kick to the face. The chinlock goes on as the fans let MVP know that he sucks. That’s broken up and Flair goes for the leg, only to get stomped down in the corner again.

A running boot in the corner gets three on Flair, but the foot is on the rope for the heart stopping moment. MVP suplexes him for two and superplexes him for the same. Flair gets in a double clothesline for a double knockdown and some rollups get two each. MVP is back with a shot to the throat but the Playmaker is reversed into the Figure Four for the tap.

Rating: C. I’m not wild on the US Champion losing but there is nothing wrong with giving Flair one more win in Madison Square Garden. The Flair retirement tour was a good thing to see as he earned a lot of the respect and farewells, so MVP losing isn’t the worst thing. I can’t imagine MVP minded putting Flair over in this situation either so it isn’t quite worth getting mad about.

Vince McMahon thinks Flair is rather lucky and explains the idea of the luck of the Irish to Hornswoggle, his illegitimate son at the moment. We hear a bit about the McMahon’s history here in the Garden until Finlay comes in to get Hornswoggle out of there before Vince can…..whatever Vince would do with a bearded leprechaun.

We meet the newest member of the Raw announce team: Mike Adamle. Oh boy here we go.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield. Jericho returned with the SAVE US deal but JBL didn’t like the idea and cost him the WWE Title. Now it’s time to come out of retirement for the fight, with JBL even bringing Jericho’s children into the trash talk to make it personal.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

If nothing else, it’s weird to see Jericho with the short hair and long tights. Jericho backs him into the ropes to start but JBL gets in a cheap shot as the referee pulls him away. That earns him a running forearm as Jericho is all ticked off here. The Clothesline From JBL misses so Jericho grabs the Walls, sending JBL straight to the rope. They head outside with JBL getting the better of things, meaning it’s time to catapult Jericho throat first into the bottom rope.

The choking ensues, followed by the sleeper to go old school. That’s broken up and Jericho hits his own running clothesline to put them both down. There’s a big boot to drop Jericho again and JBL sends him shoulder first into the post. Jericho comes up bleeding so JBL stomps away at the head in the corner. That earns him some running forearms to the head and the Lionsault connects. A Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor, where Jericho BLASTS him with a chair to the head for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This was as intense and emotional as I’ve seen from Jericho in a long time and it was actually a good brawl. JBL is much better suited for something like this and the ending sets up a rematch at No Way Out. Jericho needed this kind of performance to reestablish himself and the blood looked good too.

Post match Jericho beats JBL up even more and chokes him with a camera cord in a similar version of what JBL did to him a few weeks ago.

Ashley Massaro tries to talk to Maria but gets Maria’s boyfriend Santino Marella again. NO, Maria is NOT posing for Playboy!

We recap Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. Edge has hooked up with Vickie Guerrero and has the Edgeheads behind him, making him all the more invincible. Rey Mysterio won a Beat The Clock Challenge to earn the show.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge, is defending and has the wheelchair bound Vickie Guerrero and the Edgeheads with him. Edge goes after the arm to start so Rey forearms him in the face for the break (the simple exits often work best). Rey dropkicks him down for an early two and Edge is looking frustrated. A toss to the floor sets up a baseball slide to Rey, meaning the Edgeheads can get in their cheap shots.

Back in and Edge kicks the leg out to knock Rey off the middle rope. That’s enough to give Edge a target and we hit the half crab. Rey limps up for an enziguri before limping into a powerslam to give Edge two. Another leg crank goes on before Edge tries to expose the knee, allowing Rey to come back with the wheelbarrow bulldog.

The good leg kicks Edge in the face for two more and a seated senton gets two more. A top rope double stomp gets another two so Edge kicks him in the face. The spear misses though and it’s a 619 into the frog splash, but Vickie gets up and pulls the referee. Rey tries another 619 but hits Vickie by mistake. That’s enough to distract Rey so the spear can retain the title.

Rating: C+. There wasn’t much drama here but that’s where the Royal Rumble title shot stereotype comes from. Rey did what he does best here by fighting from underneath and giving you some hope spots but Vickie interfering was the big surprise. She’s a great heat machine and Edge surviving as champion as a result is about as good of a way as you could go here.

Mr. Kennedy comes up to a towel clad Ric Flair in the back. Kennedy suggests a match with Flair but here’s Shawn Michaels to glare him off. Shawn: “Imagine a loud mouthed bleach blonde guy with a catchphrase. That’ll never work. These kids today.” Flair knows Shawn will win so here are Batista and HHH, the latter of whom tells Flair to put his pants on (HHH: “I know I’ve said this a million times before.”). Anyway Shawn says the best man will win tonight, and he’ll be wearing the brand new HBK t-shirt, available now at Shop WWE!

Here’s Maria for the Kiss Cam, because that happens at the Royal Rumble. Cue Ashley to say Playboy wants Maria. Cue Santino Marella with someone wearing a sheet over their head. Santino says it’s not happening and makes fun of the New York sports teams. With the LET’S GO GIANTS chant out of the way, Maria asks the fans if they want her to pose. Santino say no again, and brings the sheeted person in. Naturally it’s Big Dick Johnson, in a New England Patriots jersey. Ashley beats him up anyway.

Mike Adamle throws us to a video on Randy Orton vs. Jeff Harvey.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy for the Raw World Title. Orton was born to be a star and has every natural gift there is. He breathes wrestling and was destined to be the best. Then there is Jeff Hardy, who is more of a free spirit and rose to this level because he lives for the moment. There are some great old clips of both of them plus the rest of the Orton family. Hardy beat him in a tag match and keeps diving off of one thing after another, which has made fans believe he has a chance. I was right there with them because this was an excellent build.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy, the Intercontinental Champion (not on the line) is challenging and yes, he could win. A headlock takeover puts Orton down for a quick two and Hardy pulls back hard on the head. That’s reversed into a headscissors but Jeff escapes and hits a basement dropkick for two more. A clothesline puts Orton on the floor and a slingshot dropkick sends him hard into the barricade.

Hardy hits a dive so Orton chills for a bit, only to have Hardy head outside to win a slugout. Back in and Hardy’s springboard attempt is cut off with a dropkick to send him crashing back to the floor. Orton suplexes him on the floor as you can feel the pace slow in a hurry. The stomping and choking ensue back inside but Hardy knocks him outside again. There’s the clothesline from the apron but Hardy misses a charge into the post. The chinlock with the bodyscissors goes on for a good while until Hardy fights up again.

Some running shot to the face set up the Whisper in the Wind for two on Orton and the slingshot dropkick connects in the corner. Orton rolls to the apron before the Swanton can launch and a missile dropkick puts him on the floor again. Hardy isn’t waiting around and moonsaults down onto him for another double knockdown. Back in and Hardy tries the Twist of Fate but Orton reverses into the RKO for the fast pin to retain.

Rating: B. The more I see this match, the more I like it. Hardy was rolling with the high flying and risk taking but the ending made sense: Hardy tried to go with the wrestling and got caught because that’s Orton’s wheelhouse. This gave you the impression that Hardy could win and that was all they needed to do here. Nice job and you could tell that Hardy was more than just a challenger of the month at this point.

Jeff gets a kind of lukewarm standing ovation, but the Garden isn’t the best indication of the masses.

Rumble By The Numbers time!

Rumble By The Numbers:

21 Winners

569 Wrestlers Eliminated

36 Eliminations for Steve Austin, the most ever

11 Royal Rumbles for Shawn Michaels, the most ever

11 Eliminations for Kane, the most in one match

10 Consecutive Royal Rumbles for Kane

3 Times Mick Foley entered in 1998

2 Feet that need to hit the ground for an elimination

1 Woman to have entered, with Chyna

62:12 for Rey Mysterio in 2006, the most ever

:02 For Warlord in 1990, the least ever

3 Wins for Steve Austin, the most ever

#1 Spot, which has produced more winners than #30

1 Winner from #30, the Undertaker in 2007

4 Winners from #27, the most of all time

73% Success rate for winners at Wrestlemania

1 Road to Wrestlemania

Dang I love that thing.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals this year and Michael Buffer is the special ring announcer in one of (if not the) his only appearances for the company. Undertaker is in at #1 and Shawn Michaels is in at #2 because they’re starting big this year (and with the final two from last year’s Rumble). Granted Buffer doesn’t actually say “Shawn Michaels”, instead introducing him as the Heartbreak Kid. Shawn chops away to start but gets sent flying upside down into the corner. A shot to the face puts Undertaker on the apron but he shoves Michaels away.

Santino Marella is in at #3 and lasts as long as you would expect for the first elimination. Shawn chops away even more and hits an atomic drop as Great Khali is in at #4. Undertaker goes straight for him but gets chopped down as the fans give Khali a YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant. They fight over a chokeslam and Undertaker shoves him out to get us back to two. Hardcore Holly is in at #5 to stomp away at Undertaker in the corner. For some reason Undertaker can’t eliminate Holly and it’s John Morrison in at #6.

Undertaker and Shawn form the Texas Mega Powers but Morrison counters Sweet Chin Music to kick Shawn in the head. Tommy Dreamer is in at #7 and the fans are VERY happy to see him. Dreamer goes after Undertaker but Shawn takes his place to stomp the big man down. Batista is in at #8 to pick things up again, plus toss Dreamer for daring to break up a showdown with the Undertaker.

It’s Hornswoggle in at #9 and he goes straight underneath the ring in a smart move. Everyone brawls around the ring and it’s Chuck Palumbo, as a biker, in at #10. That gives us Undertaker, Shawn, Holly, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle and Palumbo for a rather eclectic group. Jamie Noble, currently feuding with Palumbo, is in at #11 and gets knocked out in less than thirty seconds.

Noble’s banged up ribs need some help getting to the back and it’s CM Punk in at #12. The pace picks up until Undertaker clotheslines Punk’s head off. Palumbo and Morrison go after Punk until he tosses Palumbo to clear things out a bit. Cody Rhodes is in at #13 and saves Holly (his partner) and Batista backdrops Shawn. Umaga is in at #14 and tosses Holly in a hurry. Snitsky is in at #15 as they’re flying through these entrants.

Everyone fights by the ropes and it’s the Miz in at #16, meaning we have Miz and Morrison working together. Undertaker and Umaga kick each other on the mat as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17 to snap Miz and Morrison’s throats on top. That earns him Sweet Chin Music for the elimination and it’s Jimmy Snuka in at #18 for the nostalgia pop. Undertaker hurts himself trying the headbutt and it’s Roddy Piper in at #19 for the REAL nostalgia pop. Snuka looks stunned as everyone stops to watch the old guys fight.

Kane is in at #20, giving us Undertaker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle (still under the ring), Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Snuka, Piper and Kane, which has to be one of the best collections of talent ever in a ring. Kane wastes no time in eliminating Piper and Snuka (they were just there for the one pop anyway so that was all they should have done), much to the fans’ annoyance. Umaga saves Shawn from Undertaker’s chokeslam for some reason and Carlito is in at #21. A Backstabber drops Punk but Cody bulldogs Carlito down.

Mick Foley is in at #22 (big pop) and Undertaker hits a Last Ride on Batista, which isn’t even acknowledged. Mr. Kennedy is in at #23 to a big reaction and some house cleaning. A bit too much trash talk earns him a chokeslam from Undertaker and it’s Big Daddy V in at #24. Undertaker eliminates Snitsky but gets superkicked out by Shawn. Kennedy dumps Shawn and the ring is cleared out in a hurry. Undertaker drives Snitsky through the announcers’ table (or mostly through it) to blow off some steam as Cody and Kennedy tease eliminating each other.

Mark Henry is in at #25 as Hornswoggle comes out to eliminates Miz (still without getting inside). ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero is in at #26 as Kane kicks Morrison out. It’s nice to see the one in one out (or close to it) as it keeps things from getting too clogged up. Henry pulls Hornswoggle in so here’s Finlay, presumably in at #27, for the save. Finlay and Hornswoggle leave without being sent over the top but Finlay is officially disqualified for using the Shillelagh.

Elijah Burke is in at #28 as Batista falls out to the floor without being eliminated. Chavo gets rid of Punk and it’s HHH in at #29. Cody is gone, Big Daddy V is gone and Foley and Burke all go out together as HHH’s hands. HHH punches at everyone he can find, including a Pedigree to Umaga.

The clock is on and……JOHN CENA is in at #30 to blow the roof off the place because he was out with a torn pectoral muscle was wasn’t even certain for Wrestlemania. The Garden is stunned for about ten seconds before realizing that they’re supposed to hate Cena (this really is one of the best surprises the Rumble has ever seen and I smile at it every time). That gives us a final group of Batista, Umaga, Kane, Carlito, Kennedy, Henry, Guerrero, HHH and Cena, which is not too shabby.

Cena goes after Henry and the fans are actually buzzing for a change. Carlito and Henry get tossed by Cena, who goes nose to (large) nose with HHH. The slugout goes to Cena until HHH catches him with a spinebuster. Batista is back in to get rid of Kennedy and Umaga. Kane is tossed out by Batista and HHH, leaving us with Batista, HHH and Cena. HHH tells both of them to suck it and the fight is on. Cena backdrops his way out of a Batista Bomb attempt and Batista is clotheslined out, leaving us with two.

The BOO/YAY slugout it on with Cena getting the better of it and initiating the finishing sequence. The AA is escaped and there’s a double clothesline to put both of them down. Back up and HHH escapes another AA before grabbing a DDT for two. The Pedigree is countered so Cena tries the AA again. That’s broken up as well so Cena grabs it one more time and finally tosses HHH to win.

Rating: B+. I like this one more every time I see it with the Cena return being one of the best things the Rumble has ever done. The rest of the match was very well booked with the big star, the great nostalgia for Piper/Snuka/Foley and enough top names throughout to keep anything from getting dull. They had the right balance here and I had a really good time with the whole thing.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. I’ve seen this one a few times now and I don’t remember liking it this much. Maybe it’s how bad the modern stuff would get but this was a show where they did their thing each time, had everything working as it should have and then finished it up with a really good Rumble. It set up an underrated Wrestlemania too and after this, I can’t say I’m surprised. Very good show here and worth a look if you haven’t seen it in a bit.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: C

2021 Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

2021 Redo: B-

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B

2021 Redo: C+

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B-

2021 Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C+

2021 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: C

2021 Redo: B+

Well dang man. Was I in a really good mood today or something? And this is the first time I’ve ever liked JBL vs. Jericho? Really?

Here is the original if you are interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2021/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-original-the-big-surprise/

And the 2013 Redo:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2021/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-2013-redo-it-keeps-getting-better/

And the 2019 Redo:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2021/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-2019-redo-thats-a-trio/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

This was the other request so let’s throw up a triple shot this year. The big story here is Jeff Hardy challenging Randy Orton for the Raw World Title. This was set up incredibly well with Hardy being set up as the ultimate underdog who might be able to pull off the miracle. The fans believe in him and it’s an absolutely incredible build that had me dying to see what they did. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features a bunch of wrestlers getting on a subway before going into a history of the Rumble. This year’s show gets some time as well and we cut to a fight in the subway, because wrestlers are going to wrestle.

I love the MSG setup with the entrance opposite the hard camera. It’s the only major arena to do that and it feels special.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

MVP’s US Title isn’t on the line. This was during the “if Flair loses he retires” period and MVP wanted to take him out for good, as did so many others. Before the match, Flair talks about how important this arena is and how he first wrestled here in March 1976. MVP’s entrance cuts off a rather nice speech because MVP is a rather good jerk. MVP easily takes him down and strikes a pose but Flair just WOOs at him.

Back up and Flair takes him into the corner for the chops and punches, including a big chop to put MVP down. That’s about it for the offense though as MVP kicks him in the face and gets two off a neckbreaker. Cole says he’s sure that there are fans here who were here for Flair’s first match. Really? A fan who is there for two shows 32 years apart? That’s a bit of a stretch, but Cole never was all that logical. Flair comes back with a quick Figure Four attempt but gets small packaged for two instead.

Another running boot in the corner (Helluva Kick) gives MVP three….with Flair’s foot on the rope. You know Little Naitch is thrilled to be able to say Flair gets to keep going. A superplex gives MVP two more but Flair gets in a clothesline out of the corner for a breather. Flair grabs a rollup and backslide for two each and it’s time for stylin and profilin. The Playmaker is countered into the Figure Four and MVP taps out clean.

Rating: C. Perfectly watchable match here and I can even forgive the US Champion doing a clean job for the sake of what is likely Flair’s last match in the Garden. I didn’t care for this whole story at first but it’s grown on me a bit over time. Flair deserves this kind of goodbye and his matches were still perfectly watchable at this point. Not too bad here, and a great feel good moment to ope the show.

Flair gets the big standing ovation that you knew was coming.

Hornswoggle, Vince McMahon’s son at this point in a story that is still so bizarre and gets worse every time, is in Vince’s office. Vince gives him a history of the McMahon Family in the Garden. Tonight it’s every man for himself and you can’t even trust your own family. Finlay comes in and Hornswoggle is rather happy to see him. Vince tells Finlay not to trust Hornswoggle, who jumps into Finlay’s arms as they leave. I’m still not sure if they know how old Hornswoggle is supposed to be here. That was never quite clear.

We meet new correspondent Mike Adamle, who actually doesn’t screw anything up! Yet.

We recap JBL vs. Chris Jericho. JBL had been doing commentary on Jericho’s World Title shot and got knocked down so he cost Jericho the match. The feud ensued with JBL even yelling about Jericho’s family. It’s time for the fight as Jericho continues to try to click in his return.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Ah the days of a ton of pyro for a midcard match entrance. They shove each other around to start with JBL hiding in the corner and the ropes. The second break is enough for JBL to get in a few right hands so Jericho takes him down for some of his own. The early Walls are broken up by a grab of the rope and JBL drops him throat first (the throat/neck that was damaged in the buildup) onto the top rope.

A standing Clothesline From JBL gets two and he catapults the throat into the middle rope to make it even worse. We hit the sleeper to stay on Jericho’s neck until Jericho slips out and hits a clothesline of his own. JBL is fine enough to send him shoulder first into the post and Jericho is busted open. Back in and JBL stomps away as the blood is starting to flow. They fight to the floor again and Jericho BLASTS him with a chair to the head for the DQ. Kind of a sudden finish but that sounded amazing.

Rating: D+. This really didn’t work as JBL can’t do much and Jericho didn’t exactly do much other than throw punches. Jericho is already in need of a heel turn as the face push isn’t exactly working. Maybe it’s the lack of hair or just rust but it’s not exactly clicking here. Then again Jericho is known for being able to change things up at the drop of a hat so I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Post match Jericho beats the heck out of JBL and chokes him with the television cable.

Ashley Massaro tries to go see Maria but boyfriend Santino cuts her off. See, Maria is NOT interested in posing for Playboy, though the magazine had probably already been shot by this point. For the sake of modesty, we’ll move on.

We recap Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. Edge has used his relationship with Vickie Guerrero to become World Heavyweight Champion but Mysterio won a Beat the Clock Challenge (with the help of Batista and Undertaker) by pinning Edge on Smackdown. This earned Rey some beatings from Edge and the Edgeheads (Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder), because you have to have some lackeys.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge is defending and has Vickie (in a wheelchair) and the Edgeheads out here with him. The fans actually boo Mysterio a bit and cheer loudly for Edge. Feeling out process to start with Edge slipping out of the corner to continue the staredown. Rey takes him down and gets two off a basement dropkick as the fans are relentless with the booing. Back up and Edge sends him outside for the quick beating from the Edgeheads. For once the referee isn’t an idiot and ejects him, allowing Rey to get two off a springboard seated senton.

Edge takes out the knee though in a smart move and Mysterio is right back in trouble. A kneeling half crab stays on the knee but Rey fights up and scores with an enziguri. The bad knee means the 619 is very slow though and Edge grabs a powerslam for two. Something close to an ankle lock keeps the leg in trouble and now it’s time to get series as Edge loosens the knee brace. That’s enough to wake Rey up for the sitout bulldog and another kick to the head (with the good leg) gets two.

Rey changes things up a bit with a top rope double stomp for two, followed by a hurricanrana to send Edge outside. The slide into the tornado DDT has Edge in even more trouble but he kicks Rey in the head to get a breather. Mysterio is right back with a drop toehold into the 619, which draws Vickie out of the wheelchair. The distraction means Rey has to hit another 619 so Vickie jumps up to take the blow. That’s enough for Edge to get up and spear a springboarding Rey out of the air for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. This was good, though it never got up to the level you would expect from these two. Edge retaining is far from a surprise and the ending worked really well, with Vickie showing her love for Edge, who likely doesn’t care because it’s all about the title. That spear out of the air was awesome too, meaning this was perfectly fine for a Royal Rumble title defense.

Mr. Kennedy gives Flair, in a towel, a slow clap and sounds like he wants to face Flair next but here’s Shawn Michaels to get rid of him. Shawn says a loud mouthed bleach blonde guy will never work as a gimmick today and Flair seems pleased. Batista and HHH come in with HHH telling Flair to put his pants on. Tensions are teased over who will win the Royal Rumble so Shawn turns it into a merch plug.

Here’s Maria for the Kiss Cam, which totally feels in place at the Royal Rumble. This is the excuse to bring out Ashley to ask about the Playboy shoot again. Cue Santino with someone under a blanket to say stop it. There will be no Playboy because no one wants to see Maria with no clothes on.

We hit the cheap New York sports teams suck heat and, after a LET’S GO GIANTS chant, the fans seem interested in having Maria in the magazine. Santino: “They would cheer for hepatitis if you asked them to!” Santino brings in the blanketed person and of course it’s Big Dick Johnson in Patriots (Giants opponent in next week’s Super Bowl) gear for some dancing. Ashley beats him up to conclude our comedy.

Wrestlemania ad with a Baywatch theme. Believe it or not, Kelly Kelly fits this perfectly.

Adamle throws us to the recap video for Randy Orton vs Jeff “Harvey” in a fairly infamous botch.

So this is the biggest match on the show, even bigger than the Royal Rumble. Apparently the buys went WAY up as a result of Hardy getting the shot and it’s one of the best builds I’ve ever seen. You might remember me saying that Mysterio was the challenger that had no chance of winning. Well Jeff is the polar opposite, as WWE has done a masterful job at making you believe that Hardy could win.

The idea is that Orton is the perfect wrestler but Hardy is willing to do anything to win and could actually pull it off. This included one dive after another to Orton and sweet goodness did they ever work. I COMPLETELY bought Jeff as a real challenger and a lot of other people did too. It didn’t make sense, but WWE managed to create something where you believed the impossible could happen and it was amazing. I still love the build to this and it’s one of the handful of best jobs I’ve ever seen them do.

Raw World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending and Jeff’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. Dang I miss Burn In My Light as Orton’s theme. The fans are behind Hardy for the early lockup exchange and Jeff takes him down with a headlock. The legdrop between the legs into the basement dropkick gives Jeff two but Orton is right back with some forearms to the back. Orton to the crowd: “WHO’S YOUR BOY NOW???”

Jeff clotheslines him right back down and hits a heck of a dropkick through the ropes, leaving Orton’s head a bit crooked against the barricade. The first big dive takes Orton down and the fans believe it all over again. Back in and Orton hits a big dropkick to break up a springboard, which you had to know was coming sooner or later. There’s a suplex on the floor to give Orton two and it’s time to slowly stomp away. Back up and Jeff sends him over the top for a clothesline from the apron. Jeff takes him back inside but gets sent into the post, allowing Orton to throw on a chinlock.

Since it’s a big match though, he adds a grapevine for a bonus. The powerslam gives Orton two and we hit the chinlock for the second time in a minute. Jeff fights up again and hits the Whisper in the Wind, followed by the slingshot dropkick in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton so Jeff settles for a missile dropkick to knock him off the apron instead. Jeff’s moonsault to the floor barely makes contact and they’re both down. Back in and Jeff tries the Twist of Fate but gets countered into the RKO for the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. It was good, but without a title change (which didn’t need to happen yet) there was no way they could live up to the hype that had been built. Hardy got in some dives but there was only so much you can do when you’re not winning the title. They NAILED the build and the match itself was fine, but it was a little deflating. Jeff certainly moved up a few levels though and that’s what matters most.

Jeff gets the standing ovation, but it’s not the strongest in the world.

Rumble By The Numbers:

21 Winners

569 Wrestlers Eliminated

36 Eliminations for Steve Austin, the most ever

11 Royal Rumbles for Shawn Michaels, the most ever

11 Eliminations for Kane, the most in one match

10 Consecutive Royal Rumbles for Kane

3 Times Mick Foley entered in 1998

2 Feet that need to hit the ground for an elimination

1 Woman to have entered, with Chyna

62:12 for Rey Mysterio in 2006, the most ever

:02 For Warlord in 1990, the least ever

3 Wins for Steve Austin, the most ever

#1 Spot, which has produced more winners than #30

1 Winner from #30, the Undertaker in 2007

4 Winners from #27, the most of all time

73% Success rate for winners at Wrestlemania

1 Road to Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

Michael Buffer of all people gets to do the intro, which is a very WCW thing to do, though that voice is hard to turn down. There are ninety second intervals this year so things are going to be moving. Undertaker is in at #1 and Shawn Michaels is in at #2, with Buffer just calling him the Heartbreak Kid and never mentioning his name. Shawn (or Heartbreak) chops away in the corner to start but gets grabbed by the throat and sent into the corner for his efforts. Undertaker misses a running boot though and gets sent out to the apron. He’s fine enough to grab Shawn by the throat and hit a big boot as Santino Marella is in at #3.

Death comes quickly as Shawn superkicks him and Undertaker gets the elimination in less than thirty seconds. Shawn goes to throw Undertaker out and that’s just not bright. Old School is broken up with a pull off the top but Undertaker hits a chokeslam as Great Khali is in at #4. The fans immediately start the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants as Undertaker and Khali slug it out. The big chop is blocked though and Undertaker throws him out to get us back down to two. Hardcore Holly is in at #5 and might have some more staying power.

Undertaker and Shawn take turns knocking him down until Holly gets in a cheap shot on Undertaker to knock him into the ropes. Shawn and Holly chop it out in the corner until John Morrison is in at #6. As Coach talks about Morrison and Miz spending all night partying, Shawn throws Morrison off the top and hits the top rope elbow. It’s too early for Sweet Chin Music and Tommy Dreamer is in at #7, because WE NEED TOMMY DREAMER!!!

The traditional brawling around the ring begins with Dreamer pretending he has a chance to eliminate Undertaker. Batista is in at #8 and that keeps the crowd going even more. That gives us the big showdown with Undertaker but Dreamer (OF COURSE) breaks it up, thankfully getting eliminated. Batista spears Morrison but gets punched down in the corner by Undertaker.

Hornswoggle is in at #9 and immediately hides underneath the ring. Another spear takes Undertaker down and the brawling continues. Angry biker Chuck Palumbo is in at #10, giving us Undertaker, Shawn, Holly, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle and Palumbo. Morrison pulls himself back in from the apron as we get to the standard operating procedure of people trying to save themselves on the ropes. Jamie Noble, currently feuding with Palumbo and rather banged up, is in at #11 and slugs it out with Palumbo.

That’s good for an elimination in about thirty seconds to keep the ring from getting too full. CM Punk is in at #12 and you know the fans are going to be into him. A bunch of running knees have Punk on a roll and he throws Palumbo out. Cody Rhodes is in at #13 and a grand total of nothing happens. Well unless you count basic brawling and no one being close to an elimination. Umaga is in at #14 and knocks Holly out in a hurry to keep things balanced.

Snitsky is in at #15 (He was still around in 2008?) and the Big Bald starts cleaning house. Cody takes him to the apron but Punk can’t shove either of them out. As Cole says Morrison is like a young Shawn Michaels, Morrison’s partner Miz is in at #16. Undertaker puts Umaga on the apron but can’t stomp him out as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. The jump to the top lets him knock Miz and Morrison to the apron, followed by Paydirt to Morrison.

That’s enough from Shelton though as Sweet Chin Music is good for an elimination. Well that works. I loved the original Shelton run but he never recovered from that Gold Standard nonsense. Jimmy Snuka of all people is in at #18 and the fans literally get to their feet for that one. Undertaker tries a headbutt and hurts himself in a little payback from Wrestlemania VII. The old man abuse stops….and Roddy Piper is in at #19 to blow away Snuka’s pop.

Piper and Snuka have the big showdown in slow motion (thankfully with Piper in shorts instead of trunks) and everyone stops to watch the fight. Things settle back down until Kane is in at #20 to get rid of Piper and Snuka, leaving us with Undertaker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle (still under the ring), Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz and Kane. Undertaker loads up a chokeslam on Kane but goes after Michaels instead, with Kane making the save for some reason.

Carlito is in at #21 and spits the apple at Cody as there are too many people who have been around too long. A nice backflip gets Carlito out of trouble and it’s Mick Foley in at #22 to a very long and positive reaction. Batista takes the Last Ride and Foley hits a double arm DDT on Kane. There’s a Samoan drop from Umaga to Undertaker as the ring is way too full. Mr. Kennedy is in at #23 to make it even worse but Undertaker takes him down with a chokeslam. A lot of people are down as Undertaker starts hitting his running clotheslines in the corner.

Undertaker gets rid of Snitsky but walks into Sweet Chin Music for the big surprise elimination. Kennedy gets rid of Shawn immediately thereafter, all while Big Daddy V is in at #24. Undertaker beats up Snitsky to blow off some steam before leaving. We get some near eliminations with Cody and Kennedy fighting to the apron and Mark Henry is in at #25. Hornswoggle returns from the dead and pulls Miz out before heading right back underneath the ring. As Snitsky finally gets up to leave, V can’t get rid of Morrison or Kennedy. Chavo Guerrero is in at #26 and Kane kicks Morrison out.

Henry pulls the returning Hornswoggle inside so here’s Finlay to jump the gun at #27 to swing the shillelagh. He and Hornswoggle leave, with the explanation being that Finlay was disqualified for using the club and Hornswoggle was, uh, short? Finlay holds Hornswoggle’s hand on the way out, again acting like he’s about five. Elijah Burke is in at #28 and MY GOODNESS get rid of some people already. The Samoan Spike sends Batista underneath the ropes and outside for a breather.

Chavo gets rid of Punk and it’s HHH at #29 to hopefully eliminate half the field. Cody, Big Daddy V, Foley (nice slugout first) and Burke are all gone to make things way better. Umaga gets sent head first into the post and Pedigreed….and JOHN CENA is in at #30 to one of the all time great pops.

See, Cena had torn his pectoral muscle back in October and the word was he was going to miss Wrestlemania, if not the following Summerslam. WWE had this wild idea for Cena: use a combination of Cena’s uncanny ability to heal and recover in a crazy hurry and, of course, LIE. This is one of the best shocking returns ever because Cena had been completely written off for at least the next six months. The fans, as in the MSG fans, are STUNNED and pop the roof off the place before realizing that it’s Cena and they’re supposed to boo at him.

Cena starts cleaning house and gets rid of Carlito, Chavo and Henry to get us down to Cena, HHH, Umaga, Kane, Batista and Kennedy. We get the big showdown with Cena and HHH as the right hands start fast. HHH hits a spinebuster but walks into an uppercut from Umaga. Kane and Kennedy are dispatched in a hurry and it’s HHH and Batista teaming up to toss Umaga. That leaves us with three, which is a heck of a triple threat. Batista gives both of them the thumbs down and the fight is on with a double clothesline putting HHH and Cena down.

There’s the big spinebuster to both of them but Cena counters the Batista Bomb. A clothesline gets rid of Batista and we’re down to the major showdown, which the fans certainly enjoy. That means POINTING AT THE SIGN (take that Ronda) and they slug it out with the fans being behind Cena. HHH gets caught with Cena’s usual but it’s a double clothesline for the double knockdown. A DDT takes Cena down again but he counters another Pedigree attempt into the AA over the top for the win.

Rating: C+. This was a bumpy road as they didn’t pace things well, meaning the match was way too full for far too long. They had a nice balance of legends and modern stars though with those three New York pops being very well done. It’s not a great match or anything, but what we got worked.

Now, with that out of the way, this is ALL about Cena’s return with nothing else coming close. That’s the kind of ovation and reaction you only get once in a long time and my goodness did it work here. Cena being back changed everything and it was a great moment all around. Just watching that crowd of smarks lose their minds because they were actually surprised is an all time favorite of mine and it still works eleven years later.

Overall Rating: C. Kind of an awkward show as the whole big moment at the end doesn’t exactly make up for everything else. Now that being said, there’s nothing too bad or even bad at all, but nothing that stands out either. The Hardy vs. Orton match was all hype but still entertaining, while I’m already having trouble remembering the rest of the card. Cena’s return stole everything and that’s fine, as it wasn’t really a great show to start.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: C

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/27/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-screw-wwes-list-this-is-the-1-rumble-moment/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2008-the-biggest-surprise-in-rumble-history/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re in New York City again and there are three main events tonight. We have the usual Rumble and Edge defending the Smackdown Title against Mysterio, but the interesting one here was Orton defending against Jeff Hardy. I don’t know how they did it, but the company did an OUTSTANDING job of making Hardy seem like he had a very real chance of taking the title tonight and shocking the world. I had no idea who was going to win and I LOVED that feeling. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses more on the show being in MSG than anything else.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Flair’s career is on the line but MVP’s US Title isn’t. Flair talks about having his first match here in 1976 but MVP’s music cuts him off. MVP takes him into the corner to start and he’s BALLIN already. Flair goes after the arm for a second before chopping away at the jumpsuit. MVP comes back with a running boot to the head for two before hooking a chinlock. The fans tell MVP that he sucks as he cranks on the chin.

Flair fights up and picks the leg, only to get small packaged for two. A backdrop puts Flair down and there’s a running boot to the face in the corner for three, but Flair has his foot on the rope. You know MSG isn’t buying that one. Flair tries to steal the pin but gets clotheslined down for his efforts instead. A superplex gets two for MVP and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Flair starts trying for some fast pins before slugging away. MVP punches him down and hits a facebuster, but the Playmaker is countered into a quick Figure Four to end this.

Rating: C. This was about what you would expect. At the end of the day, everyone knew Flair wasn’t going to lose this but it was a way to give him one last moment in MSG before retiring in April. I’m not wild on him beating the US Champion clean but the title hasn’t meant anything in years anyway so what difference does it make?

Vince talks to Horny about the Rumble. This is during the “Vince is Hornswoggle’s dad” phase. Vince tells him to not trust Finlay but he has to win. Finlay comes in and takes some offense to Vince telling them not to trust each other.

Mike Adamle is introduced as the newest broadcaster. Oh dear. For those of you that don’t remember him, imagine Cole but with something resembling charm.

We recap Jericho vs. JBL. JBL cost Jericho the title at Armageddon and tonight is the blowoff. JBL brought Jericho’s children into this too, saying Jericho would have to admit to them that he’s a coward. Jericho would use this same line against Shawn soon after this.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Feeling out process to start with JBL hiding in the corner and ropes a few times. Jericho forearms him down and pounds away but gets sent to the floor. That doesn’t last long as he slides right back in and hooks the Walls but JBL immediately grabs the rope. A baseball slide keeps Jibbles on the floor where he is sent into the steps. Back in and Jericho charges into a hot shot to put both guys down.

A clothesline (not the one from down under) puts Jericho down as apparently he has a bad throat and neck coming into this. Bradshaw slingshots Jericho throat first into the middle rope and hooks a quick sleeper. Jericho fights out of it and hits a clothesline of his own, only to charge into a big boot. John sends him shoulder first into the post which busts his head open somehow. Back in and JBL pounds away at the cut as a villain would do. Jericho comes back but they botch a clothesline, causing both guys to get booed loudly. A Cactus Clothesline sends them to the floor where Jericho cracks JBL with a chair for the LAME DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work at all for the most part. Jericho didn’t work at all as a face with the short hair during this comeback and I think everyone knew it. Thankfully he would turn heel over the summer and have the feud of the year with Shawn. The ending to this sucked and I don’t think they had any other matches after this.

Jericho destroys JBL post match and chokes him with a cord, which is what JBL did to him. That gets Jericho cheered at least.

Santino tells Ashley that Maria won’t do Playboy. Thank goodness he was wrong.

We recap Edge vs. Mysterio. Edge is with Vickie now who just happens to be the corrupt GM. Mysterio won a Beat the Clock challenge by beating Edge himself to earn the shot. Edge is annoyed that Rey is claiming that Edge is just using Vickie, which of course he is.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge is defending if that’s not clear. Vickie, Hawkins and Ryder are at ringside as well. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans LOUDLY boo Rey and cheer for Edge as Rey kind of messes up a rana. Edge runs him over but Rey speeds things up, causing Edge to panic a bit. Rey gets sent to the floor where Hawkins and Ryder go after him, only to stop when they’re nearly caught. The referee ejects them anyway.

Back in and Rey almost hooks the 619, only to have the champion bail to the floor. Rey is perfectly cool with diving to the floor to take out Edge, drawing boos in a bizarre sequence. Back in and a seated senton gets two for Rey but Edge takes his knee out to take over. Edge pounds away and hooks a half crab for a little while. Rey comes back with kicks to the face to escape and you would think he was choking a kitten from the crowd’s reaction.

Rey loads up the 619 but charges into a powerslam for two. Off to a kind of ankle lock hold but bending the knee instead of the ankle. Edge tries to take the knee brace off of Rey but gets caught in the sitout bulldog to put both guys down. Mysterio uses his good leg to kick Edge in the face for two before hitting another kind of seated senton for two. Like an idiot, Rey goes up and hits a double stomp for two. Smart move on a bad knee Rey. Edge is sent to the floor where Rey slide through the ropes into a tornado DDT for two back inside.

Back in and Edge kicks Rey right in the face to put him down again. Why over complicate things? The spear misses so Rey hits the 619 and the top rope splash, but Vickie pops out of her wheelchair to break up the count. Edge misses another spear and puts himself in 619 position, but Vickie jumps onto the apron to take the hit, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. This was ok but you kind of expect more from Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. The ending was about Vickie, which would become a running theme over the next few months. Edge being all conniving and backstabbing the already evil Vickie was awesome stuff, but getting there was tedious at times. Still not a bad match at all though.

Mr. Kennedy is waiting for Flair when he gets out of the shower in a towel. Shawn comes in before anything happens and shakes hands with Flair. Shawn: “Imagine, a loud mouthed platinum blonde with a catchphrase. That gimmick will never work.” Batista comes in (pop), as does HHH (lesser pop). HHH: “I’ve said this a lot of times before Ric, but put your pants on.” It turns into a merchandise plug in a cute bit.

Maria comes out to do the Royal Rumble Kiss Cam. This eats up some time until Ashley comes out to ask Maria to be in Playboy again. Santino comes out to insult the fans (and the Giants), saying the people would cheer if you asked if they wanted hepatitis. He brings out Big Dick Johnson with a rubber chicken and wearing a half Patriots jersey. You can figure this one out for yourself.

WrestleMania ad featuring Mae Young as a lifeguard. Ok then.

Mike Adamle introduces us to the next match, featuring Randy Orton vs. Jeff Harvey.

We recap Hardy vs. Orton, which is based on three simple words: Hardy could win. Apparently this match drew HUGE numbers for the Rumble, which showed why they held out on Hardy winning the belt for nearly a year. Hardy hit a HUGE Swanton off the set on Raw, which made you wonder how far he would go to win here. The video is a mini-history of Orton’s career to this point, which isn’t really a good idea for a heel. This is followed by a music video about Jeff Hardy set to the song Rooftops by the Lost Prophets, which really fits him well. I remember being very excited for the match and this video was a big reason.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff is Intercontinental Champion. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking over via a headlock on the mat. An atomic drop gets two but Orton hits him in the face and brags to the crowd about it. Orton gets sent to the floor and a baseball slide sends him into the barricade. Hardy follows with a plancha to the floor as JR SCREAMS to get Orton back in the ring. Randy tries to walk out with the belt but Hardy will have none of that. Orton is rammed into the announce table and back inside we go.

As Hardy tries a springboard, Orton dropkicks him right back to the floor in a big crash. There’s the Orton Stomp and some choking as Orton shows off his wide range of offense. This is before Orton was orange so the visuals aren’t all that bad. A pair of knee drops get two on Hardy as Orton asks the fans if they believe in Jeff still. Hardy sends Orton over the top to the floor, followed by a bad clothesline off the apron (it hit Orton’s arm and completely missed his neck and chest).

Back in again and Jeff misses a charge into the post, giving Orton both a two count and control again. Randy hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors followed by a powerslam for two. Back to the chinlock (yep it’s an Orton match) to fill in some time. Jeff fights up again and takes Randy down with a clothesline but can’t follow up. Jeff starts striking with everything he’s got and hits the Whisper in the Wind to fire up the crowd even more.

That’s one thing I haven’t talked about enough here: the fans are WAY behind Hardy here. It isn’t the usual New York reaction to a face. They want Jeff to win the title NOW. Hardy hits the slingshot dropkick in the corner but before he can hit the Swanton, Randy bails to the floor. Jeff is cool with that and hits (kind of at least) a moonsault to the floor. Back in and Jeff loads up the Twist but Orton counters into the RKO out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. That’s a really bad finish for a few reasons. First of all, it’s WAY too sudden. If they were shooting at punching the audience in the stomach I guess they accomplished that, but it doesn’t do much else. Hardy winning was an option, but at the end of the day they made the right move here….I think. I was disappointed Hardy won, but thankfully WWE stretched it out for a LONG time before he got the title, which was the right move at the end of the day.

Hardy gets a well deserved standing ovation. His time would come.

We get the Rumble by the Numbers video, which is always a favorite of mine. Here are those numbers:

20 years of history

21 winners

569 superstars in the Rumble

36 eliminations (by Austin, since broken by Shawn)

11 Rumbles for Shawn (since broken by Kane)

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

3 identities under which Foley entered the Rumble in 1997

2 feet that must touch the ground

1 woman in the Rumble (Chyna, since joined by Beth Phoenix and Kharma)

62:12 of time that Mysterio was in the Rumble

2 seconds that Warlord lasted in the Rumble (since broken by Santino)

3 wins for Austin, still a record

1 is the spot that has the same amount of wins as #30 (Shawn and Undertaker)

4 men that have won the Rumble from the 27 spot, the most ever

73 percent of the Rumble winners have won the title at Wrestlemania

I love that.

Royal Rumble

As introduced by Michael Buffer (only the Fink gets all caps in the Garden), #1 is Undertaker, #2 is Shawn Michaels,. Now how’s THAT for an opening pair? Isn’t it amazing how a RANDOM pairing finishes the match the previous year and opens it this year? 90 second intervals here which seems to be the right amount of time most of the years. Taker powers Shawn around to start and elbows him in the corner.

Shawn gets crotched on the ropes but Taker GOES AIRBORNE with a running boot that misses in the corner. Shawn charges into the grip of Taker as he gets back in but there’s no chokeslam. Taker kicks him in the face instead as Santino is #3. Twenty five seconds later Shawn superkicks him and Taker gets the elimination. Shawn tries to dump him but Taker hangs on and works on the arm.

Old School is countered and Shawn hits an atomic drop as Great Khali is #4. Taker jumps him as he comes in as Shawn is down from something we missed. The big chop puts Taker down as the fans tell Khali he can’t wrestle. They grab each other by the throat but Khali misses a chop and gets eliminated. Shawn never touched Khali but charges at Taker when it’s just the two of them.

Hardcore Holly is #5 and is a tag champion here. Taker slugs Holly down but Shawn tries to dump the big man again. John Morrison, also a tag champion but with Miz instead of Cody Rhodes like Holly, is #6. Morrison looks at Taker and immediately goes after Holly instead. Shawn dumps him to the apron but John gets back in. That winds up being bad for him as he get slammed down by Shawn followed by the top rope elbow.

Shawn tunes up the band but Morrison blocks the kick. Tommy Dreamer is #7 to a big pop and a LOUD Tommy Dreamer chant. #8 is Batista as we get another good blast of energy. Big Dave and Taker knock everyone down (no eliminations) and they stare each other down, only for Dreamer to charge at Batista, earning himself an elimination. Shawn goes after Batista now but Dave spears Morrison down instead.

Hornswoggle is #9 and immediately dives under the ring without ever getting in. Batista and Taker hammer on each other in the corner as Holly clotheslines Shawn to the apron. Chuck Palumbo, a lame biker at this point, is #10. Taker flips Morrison to the apron but he hangs on again. Shawn and Morrison fight on the top rope as Jamie Noble, Palumbo’s enemy at this point, is #11. Noble has taped up ribs so his offense can’t last long. Palumbo dumps him after less than a minute.

At the moment we have Taker, Shawn, Holly, Batista, Palumbo and Morrison in the ring with Horny underneath. #12 is CM Punk as Morrison makes ANOTHER impressive save. Punk is insanely popular in New York of course and fires off running knees in the corner to everyone he sees, only to charge into a clothesline from Undertaker. Morrison, the guy that took the ECW Title from Punk, pounds away on him. Punk takes Palumbo out but gets jumped from behind by Shawn.

Cody Rhodes is #13 before he means anything at all. Yes he’s a tag champion, and yes I stand by what I just said. Cody goes after Punk before shifting over to Taker like an idiot. Umaga is #14 to a decent pop. He spikes Holly out and gets to try on Batista for a bit now. Shawn gets backdropped to the apron but hangs on of course. Snitsky is #15 and badly pounds on everyone at once.

Rhodes jumps on Snitsky’s back and they both head to the apron but no further than that. Taker gets headbutted by Umaga as the ring is starting to get too full. Miz is #16 with those stupid shorts of his. He goes after Punk as Taker tries to put Umaga out. Shelton with his even stupider gold hair of his knocks both Miz and Morrison off the top and onto the ropes but not out, before walking into a superkick from Shawn for the elimination in less than 20 seconds.

Jimmy Snuka of all people is #18 to a HUGE pop. He goes after Morrison as the fans do Snuka’s barking kind of chant. Taker gets a headbutt which staggers the dead man before Snuka goes after Miz. At #19 here’s Roddy Piper to an even BIGGER pop. He takes his shirt off and causes about half the audience to faint before having a showdown with Snuka, which the rest of the match (remember this includes Umaga, Taker and Shawn) stops to watch. Piper pokes Jimmy in the eyes and the match finally picks up a bit.

Kane is in at #20 to hopefully clean out the ring a bit. Yep he knocks out Piper and Snuka before chokeslamming Miz. Taker loads up a chokeslam on Kane but before he grabs the throat, he spins around and grabs Michaels instead. Carlito is in at #21 and spits the apple at Rhodes. Punk and Morrison pick up Carlito but he kicks off the ropes and sends them both into them. Punk kicks Morrison in the head but gets caught by a Backstabber. Cool little sequence there.

Mick Foley is #22 and you know the fans freak out for him. A double arm DDT takes Kane down as Umaga hits a Samoan Drop on Taker. The ring is WAY too full now with Taker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Kane, Carlito, Foley and Horny under the ring. Morrison hits a springboard kick to take Foley down and Kennedy is #23. I’ll say this: the ring has some star power in it.

There’s a Mic Check to Miz and a kick to Taker after he sits up from something. A chokeslam puts Kennedy down and Taker starts beating up everyone. Here’s Big Daddy V at #24. Taker shoves Snitsky out, Shawn superkicks Taker out and Kennedy throws Shawn out. The only question I have from that: why is Taker on his feet after being superkicked? Taker drops a leg on the announce table on Snitsky because he’s a big jerk at times.

Kennedy and Rhodes fight to the apron as Henry is #25. Horny comes out from under the ring and pulls Miz out from the ring for an elimination. Horny goes back under the ring as V is trying to put out Morrison and Kennedy. Chavo is #26 and freshly ECW Champion, thereby making it clear that the ECW Title isn’t a world title. Kane sends Morrison to the apron and then to the floor with a big boot.

Horny comes in again as V and Henry double team him. Finlay runs out ahead of the gun (presumably at #27) and blasts both guys with the club. He and Horny leave through the ropes and don’t return, with the official statement being that Horny was eliminated for leaving and Finlay was disqualified. In the Rumble. Yeah this story was just badly done overall. Elijah Burke (D’Angelo Dinero) is #28.

Chavo dumps Punk after taking his title on Tuesday. That’s just overkill man. Umaga spikes Batista under the ropes and out to the floor. HHH is #29 which leaves a hole at #30. Basically every major star has entered and the announcers aren’t sure who is possibly left. Rhodes, V, Foley and Burke all go out at HHH’s hands before he pounds on Umaga. The countdown begins for #30.

The roof is blown off the Garden, because JOHN CENA is #30. This is shocking as Cena had torn his pec and had announced that he would be gone until Wrestlemania at the earliest. Imagine that: lying about an injury and getting a big response from the crowd. Who would have ever thought of that, and in wrestling of all things? Carlito, Chavo and Henry are all gone in about fifteen seconds before it’s HHH staring Cena down.

We’ve got Cena, HHH, Batista, Kane, Umaga and Kennedy to go. HHH takes Cena down with a spinebuster but walks into a superkick from Umaga. Batista takes Umaga down with the spinebuster and dumps Kennedy to get us down to five. There goes Umaga and we’re down to four. HHH and Batista dump Kane and we’ve got three left. Batista gives the double thumbs down, Cena says you can’t see me and HHH says suck it. Them are fighting catchphrases and it’s on.

Trips and Cena go after Big Dave but he clotheslines them both down. The spinebuster plants Cena and another one takes HHH down. The fans don’t seem thrilled with Batista so they cheer when Cena backdrops him down. HHH clotheslines Batista out and we’re down to HHH vs. Cena.

Since this is New York, the fans hate Cena by default and it’s boo/yay time. Triple H pounds away but walks into the Protobomb and the Shuffle. The finishers are both countered and they clothesline each other down. Cena can’t FU HHH out and gets caught in a DDT. The finishers are countered again until Cena hits the FU on HHH for the elimination and the win.

Rating: C+. It took awhile to get through the bad parts but once Cena’s music hit the place was electric. The fans booing Cena doesn’t surprise me at all because that’s how New York works. Cena would wind up facing Orton at No Way Out for some reason, resulting in a three way at Mania with HHH involved as well.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it definitely wasn’t terrible but at the end of the day, nothing is really all that good here at all. The best match is probably Hardy vs. Orton and that’s just ok. On the other hand though, nothing is really bad here and you likely won’t be bored with the show. It’s one of those shows where you watch it and other than Cena’s return, you probably won’t remember watching it two days later.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Wow the Smackdown title match really changed things around here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/27/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-screw-wwes-list-this-is-the-1-rumble-moment/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jim Ross

You think that’s enough commentators??? Anyway, this is kind of a forgotten show other than the ending, which to be fair was completely awesome and shocking to say the least. Cena is out with an injury here and likely is going to miss everything until Mania, which sucks but that’s the way it goes. I was just starting to get into WZ around this time so that should give you an idea of what was going on back then.

Anyway, other than that we have Edge vs. Rey and Orton vs. Jeff Hardy, as he begins his year long quest for the title that truly was awesome on a lot of levels. The Rumble and the fact that this is in MSG of course are the reasons to watch the show, so let’s get to it.

The intro is as standard as you could possibly imagine, with the guys getting on a New York subway and then all of the Rumbles being mentioned, especially the big ones. Except for 04 because Benoit doesn’t exist.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

This is a career threatening match, as Flair’s next loss would be his last. This means that it’s about as obvious as the fact that Becca has balloons under her shirt that Flair isn’t losing here. Since we’re in MSG tonight, we have the altered entrance ramp. Also, we have an annoying theme as with every time the name of a guy is shown on screen, it looks like a subway going down the tracks, complete with loud sound effects.

Because you know, that’s what I need over Flair’s music: train sounds. Flair says it’s an honor to wrestle many times in MSG and that he debuted here 32 years ago. That’s just freaking scary. MVP’s music cuts him off. He’s US Champion here. Fans are clearly all over MVP. The age difference here is insane. Flair’s chops are always great for some reason. It makes me smile watching him for some reason.

To put Flair in perspective, when he first won the US Title, MVP was four years old. Flair had debuted before MVP was ALIVE. Think about that. MVP is 37 years old and 35 here, and Flair has been wrestling since before that. That’s insane. MVP actually busts out a crossface chickenwing as I’m happy already. Flair goes for the legs, which if nothing else is the one thing he’s never changed over the years.

MVP gets the Drive By and the easy pin. Wait what? Yeah he got the three, but Flair’s feet were on the ropes. You could hear the crowd just go silent in a split second which was awesome. Flair goes for a quick rollup but gets two. It amazes me that a man in his 60s has this kind of charisma.

It really is impressive. Flair counters the Playmaker into the figure four for the tap out. That’s the thing here: Flair beat MVP clean, which makes MVP, a champion, look weak. That’s not good at all, but I get that Flair’s career ending is FAR bigger than his title reign.

Rating: B-. This was a fine match but like I said I don’t like the booking here. A DQ or count out would have been fine, not a clean submission though. This was really a basic match but it worked fine. It’s nice to see someone get a clean win for once after a decent back and forth match. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS ONE THOUGH? Ok so I shouldn’t be that mad, but it’s still annoying.

Vince and Horny are in the back where Vince is explaining the history their family has at MSG. He says Horny has to win as Finlay comes in. Horny gets really excited. Back up an erase that. It’s fairly obvious where this was going.

Chris Jericho vs. JBL

JBL had cost Jericho the title at Armageddon because Jericho had bumped into him. That started the feud that led to this. It included an instance where JBL more or less tried to lynch Jericho and hurt his neck and throat badly meaning Jericho couldn’t talk for awhile. This is clearly a long time ago as Jericho has only won the IC Title seven times here. JBL is freshly out of his short retirement where he was a commentator.

Jericho looks odd as heck with the long tights now which is weird as he wore those for the majority of his career. JBL had called out Jericho’s kids and said their dad was a coward to make this personal. Jericho keeps spearing JBL but the punches he throws are pathetic. Jericho works on the back which makes sense here as JBL retired earlier because of a bad back. After a brief skirmish on the floor we go back in and JBL hits the best looking Hot Shot that I’ve ever seen.

JBL has lost a lot of weight at this point and looks a lot better. The fans are rapidly getting on him though. Jericho hits the post on the floor and he’s bleeding but not terribly. This match isn’t that good. It’s like they’re trying to find a story out there and it’s just not working at all.

We’re back on the floor again and Jericho is in control now. As JBL tries to set up a table, Jericho just blasts the tar out of him with a chair to get the DQ. That was an awesome shot. Jericho pulls out a rope and gets back at JBL for trying to hang him. Bradshaw is down for awhile after it. The beating got a great reaction for Jericho though.

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t very good at all and it was a mess most of the time. I get the part about trying to beat up JBL from Jericho’s point of view, but this was just all over the place and didn’t work well period. The ending made a lot of sense as Jericho didn’t care about the win but just hurting JBL, so I’m fine with that, but this just wasn’t very good at all.

Ashley, who is in need of a cheeseburger or something like that is looking for Maria but Santino cuts her off and says she’s not doing Playboy. Yeah she is.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Edge

Rey got this shot just by winning a Beat the Clock challenge. I’m really getting tired of people getting shots over things like qualifying matches. There are no personal feuds anymore. Orton vs. HHH got close I suppose but Orton had the title match anyway. Edge is with Vickie here and oddly enough comes out first. This was around the time when there was an attempt at having a stable called La Familia and it just failed completely.

Nothing came of it and it bombed completely. Granted that could be because it was Edge, Hawkins and Ryder, Chavo and Bam Neely with Vickie Guerrero. That’s not exactly Flair, Blanchard and the Andersons. Heck that’s not Flair, Windham, Anderson and Roma. Rey is seen just standing there waiting on his entrance which hurts things a lot. Rey’s mask looks like that of a Trojan. Where does he find these things at?

His Mania masks and outfits could work wonders as a drug education program. “Kids, do drugs and you might wind up as a short Mexican wrestler with tattoos who dresses up like the Joker.” The idea of X hearing that as a kid would explain so much. The roles are messed up here as Rey is booed out of the building and Edge gets a great pop. We hear Edge’s very impressive resume to start us off. Rey botches the heck out of rana and gets booed out of the building again as a result.

Oh man the heat on Rey is great. Actually isn’t that bad? I’m not sure. The referee catches Hawkins and Ryder about to cheat and throws them out. If nothing else Ryder can go and listen to his radio. He needs an education on how to be a lackey so maybe it taught him everything it knows. It’s 315am and I’m tired. Give me a break.

Rey’s leg is hurt. It’s so weird to hear these references to recent events and hear things that you remember. This was almost two years ago. That blows my mind. Edge starts working the knee which again makes sense here so you can’t argue that at least. The referee is good here as he checks on Rey a lot but never gets in the way. That’s a nice little touch in there.

Rey’s quick stuff is just completely insane. Also he’s selling quite well here so I’m rather pleased with him here. In a nice touch, Rey kicks Edge in the face but uses his good leg. That’s very smart as he has enough to stand on the bad one, which while a bit of a stretch is believable, but he gets offense in and stronger offense than he would by using the weak leg. That’s not bad at all.

And there goes the intelligence as he goes up top and does a double stomp. Rey, your lack of intelligence disturbs me. In a cool spot he makes up for it though in a unique spot. With Edge on the floor, Rey gets a hobbling start but slides face forward so his arms go first and grabs Edge by the head for a tornado DDT. That’s very smart because he protects the leg. That my friends is psychology.

Rey hits a splash from the top after the 619 but Vickie pulls the referee out after jumping out of her wheelchair. Rey goes for another 619 but Vickie jumps onto the apron and he kicks her. This of course would put her in the wheelchair for months. Rey stops for a second to go oh crap and when he hits a springboard, Edge hits a great spear for the pin. Vickie gets the big sympathy thing from Edge as she is wheeled out.

Rating: A-. I really liked Rey here and for the life of me I don’t get the crowd. To be fair though, New York is the mother of the smark towns so that is your likely answer. This wasn’t bad at all for a token title defense. It came off pretty well with the knee being a great point to work with. Rey impressed me a lot here with some of his innovations to protect his leg. This came out very well and I liked it a lot, Vickie aside.

Flair comes out of the shower and Kennedy is waiting on him. He says he would love to beat Flair. Shawn makes the unneeded save with a great line of “kids these days”. Shawn makes fun of himself which is always great stuff. Batista shows up as does HHH and it’s awkward. I know this because they tell us it’s awkward. Shawn of course pushes his new shirt.

Orton and Hardy are getting ready.

Maria, looking mostly hot comes out for the first ever HD Kiss Cam. This goes on for like 90 seconds and is just annoying. Ashley comes out for no apparent reason. Good night she’s disturbing looking and gets no reaction. The mention of Maria in Playboy draws out Santino in a JEALOUS RAGE!!! He has someone under a cover too. There’s a jobber joke there somewhere.

I love how Santino makes fun of the New York teams here but earlier this year he did the decent jersey bit. He says the Giants will choke in the Super Bowl. Considering what happened, that’s just hilarious. I’ll give him this: he can draw cheap heat like no one not named Mick Foley. Under the sheet is of course Big Dick Johnson in Patriots apparel. In other news, X is defecting to the Jets. Ashley looks like the pole she belongs on.

Mike Adamle does the intro for the video package, famously calling him Jeff Harvey. We go to the video package, and easily this is one of the best ones the company has ever put together. Instead of just highlighting the three weeks leading up to the match (it was 6-7 here so that helped a lot) they show miniature bios of Jeff and Randy and their roads to getting here, with Jeff’s set to Rooftops by the Lost Prophets and since that’s one of my favorite songs it helps a lot.

They then have a thing where they jump back and forth between two segments on Raw: Randy punting Matt while Jeff is in the ring and Jeff’s INSANE dive onto Orton off the Raw set that was a legit scary thing. The problem was simple though. As Norcal put it after that, “Man, is Jeff gonna jump off the roof at the Rumble?” That summed it up right there: how could Jeff top this? Either way, this has me way into the match that I know the ending to and took place nearly two years ago. That’s very impressive.

Raw World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

The key to this whole match is simple: Jeff could win. That was the whole thing anyone could talk about on WZ leading up to this: Jeff could win. Jeff is IC Champion here. Orton doesn’t hear voices yet. We get the big match intros which work well here. There’s no crowd confusion here which is a plus. They do the stupid bell ringing twice thing so in other words the match isn’t going on right now but whatever.

It’s a really basic thing to start but Orton is playing to the crowd really well now that he’s in control. Jeff gets a great baseball slide and Orton hits the barrier and his head looks like it’s not attached. That looks awesome. Ross is WAY too excited over this match. Orton tries to leave with the belt as he draws great heel heat. He’s a lot better here than he usually is.

In an unintentional great visual, the belt is on the ground and Jeff is down stretching his arms out and he can’t reach it. I don’t think he knew it was there but it looked great. Orton busts out the Orton Stomp just to tick me off a bit. It’s an old Ronnie Garvin move so no wonder it annoys me.Orton’s offense has been kind of all over the place and there’s been very little flow to this.

It’s been more or less a long brawl, although to be fair we’re 8 minutes in which from what I’ve seen is about half of the match so there’s time left. And just as I say that Jeff makes a comeback and we hit the floor again. Back in the ring, Jeff takes a GREAT shoulder post shot. That might have been the best I’ve ever seen as he freaking dives for it. This just isn’t that interesting of a match.

I think the problem simply is that the buildup was so awesome and then at the end of the day, it’s going to be a Randy Orton match which means it’s likely not going to be that good. Jeff comes back with an awesome looking Whisper in the Wind, which is my favorite Hardy move. It more or less ended with his leg slamming into Orton’s head so it almost looked like it ended with a Fameasser or a leg drop.

Granted it was completely by accident but whatever. Orton gets out of the way of the Swanton a bit later but gets sent to the floor. Jeff completely misses a top rope moonsault that at least they cover up with a quick camera cut.

Jeff more or less landed next to Orton which they of course show on a replay because the camera people are freaking stupid at times. And we go back in and Orton counters a Twist of Fate into the RKO to end it. I get that the move is supposed to come out of nowhere, but that ending came out of nowhere and not in the cool exciting way but in the that felt like it was bad way.

Rating: C-. The problem here like I said earlier is the hype. The hype here was off the charts and they simply weren’t going to be able to live up to it no matter what. That’s where this match lost it and that can’t be blamed on Orton and Hardy. That being said, this just was kind of a mess.

It’s not awful, but it’s a letdown and just not very good. Hardy wasn’t ready yet, but this was a good test for him. He would chase the title all year (minus the three month suspension for being an idiot and getting high) before winning it in a SHOCKER at Armageddon.

Royal Rumble

They actually have Michael Buffer doing the ring announcing. That’s awesome. He just sounds right doing this to say the least. Taker is number one and Michaels is number two, because it’s completely realistic to think that two guys that were numbers the last two last year would be numbers one and two this year. Buffer messes up his name though. He says it right but he sounds like there should be something coming after it.

They say a few people have come in at number one and won the match but they don’t say who, obviously due to the suckitude of Rey’s win. That’s all it could be right? We’re into minute number three of Taker’s entrance at this point. BIG old pop for Shawn. Well we know they’re not going out first. Did I mention all 6 guys are calling the Rumble this year? Yes because we need two guys to scream about everything, two analysts that aren’t that good and two idiots.

Santino is number three because two Hall of Famers aren’t good enough and we need comedy. Shawn kicks him in the face and Taker dumps him out. Well at least it was the right decision. Intervals are 90 seconds this year. Shawn counters Old School because no one has ever done that before. Khali is number four to a groan. Taker jumps him as the announcers point out how he used to knock Taker around, yet neglects to mention that Taker put him out with relative ease last year.

The smart crowd of course goes into the You Can’t Wrestle chant. Taker puts him out in about a minute for the second year in a row. Hardcore Holly, who is a tag champion here along with Cody Rhodes, is number five. It’s an even numbered year so it’s time to push him again. John Morrison, just starting to get over as a tag wrestler here, is number 6. Shawn and Morrison need to be given 20 minutes one day to just tear the house down.

Dreamer, who asked for his release today, is number 7. These intervals are WAY shorter than 90 seconds. Batista is in maybe a minute later. Taker and Batista have the big showdown that lasts just a few seconds before Dreamer goes after Batista and gets thrown out. They reference the clocks going fast as Horny is 9th. Oh screw it. He goes under the ring as Batista spears Taker.

We’ve got Holly, Horny, Morrison, Shawn, Batista and Taker in there. Ok, that might have been 45 seconds this time. Chuck the stupid biker Palumbo is 10th. It was another vain attempt to make him mean a thing and it failed completely. He’s just turned heel and no one cared in the slightest. He was feuding with Noble of all people and couldn’t beat him. That’s saying a lot.

Taker throws Morrison but he makes a nice save to stay in. Amazingly, Noble is 11th, just after his rival Palumbo. He’s gone in about thirty seconds thanks to Chucky. Punk, who would win the world title in the summer, is number 12. He just lost the ECW Title a few weeks before this to Chavo but would win MITB at Mania. He puts Palumbo out just before Rhodes is 13th. Umaga is 14th and nothing at all is going on here.

He’s got the incredibly bright red tights on here and he puts Holly out after shouting a lot. This is just terribly boring. Snitsky, amazingly still with a job, is number 15. Rhodes and Punk almost gets him out but that fails of course as Rhodes isn’t over yet. Morrison and Punk go at it renewing the real rivalry as Miz is number 16.

Taker and Umaga, who were supposed to feud about a dozen times but never did for whatever reason, fight for awhile until the minute passes and Shelton comes in at 17. Michaels kicks him out with ease. Well ok then. After about 30 seconds, Jimmy Snuka is 18th. Seriously? That’s the best you can come up with? He looks AWFUL. This is what I don’t like about WWE.

Shelton, a young guy with talent is in there for 15 seconds and Snuka gets a few minutes. What’s the point in that? Taz says that Snuka and Miz live two complete lives. He then throws in different, which helps because I thought they were the same person there for a bit. Nice job clearing that up there buddy. In at number 19 is Roddy Piper of all people. WHY?? To be fair he gets a great pop and looks decent.

Oh good night he took his shirt off. He needs to keep that freaking thing on. Old worlds collide as Piper and Snuka fight with everyone else stopping to watch them fight. Ok, the clock might have made it 30 seconds there as this is ridiculous. Piper is awesome but not in the ring in 2008. Kane comes in at 20 and I think you know the drill. He puts Piper and Snuka out to thankfully clear out the WAY to crowded ring a bit.

It’s still way too full but that’s a lot better. We get a big mess with Shawn, Taker, Snitsky and Umaga as Carlito is 21st. Shawn might have a broken nose. 22 is…Mick Foley? Well, I guess it makes more sense than Snuka and Piper. He gets a HUGE pop. He and Horny qualified together a few weeks before this. They’re chanting his name so I can actually accept this one to an extent.

At the moment we have Taker, Shawn, Morrison, Batista, Horny (under the ring), Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Kane, Carlito and Foley. See what I mean about it being too full? To be fair though, that’s an awesome list of people for the most part. Kennedy is 23rd to a freaking ROAR. If he could have stayed healthy and been used right, he could have been a huge deal. Ok no he wouldn’t have been but when he was hot he was very hot.

Freaking Big Daddy V brings the combined talent in the ring down about 1000% though at 24. Snitsky is put out by Taker but he turns around into Sweet Chin Music to eliminate him but before Shawn can turn around Kennedy dumps him. That was fast paced if nothing else. Taker beats on Snitsky because he’s ticked off. Kane beats on BDV who isn’t wearing a shirt and is therefore disturbing. Rhodes is thrown over but skins the cat to stay alive.

WHO CAME UP WITH THAT NAME??? Did wrestling promoters like to skin cats or something? Just a freaking weird choice for a name. Mark Henry is 25th. Miz is in trouble and Horny pops out to pull him out. Punk takes a double headbutt from Henry and V. That can’t hurt that bad as both are hollow.

And here we have the proof that the ECW Title means nothing as Chavo is number 26. He’s a world champion and can have any title shot he wants if he wins. So, could he fight himself? Edge and Orton aren’t in here, yet he is. There’s all the proof you need that the ECW Title means nothing. Kane puts Morrison out. Horny tries to do the same thing to Henry that he did to Miz and he gets pulled back in.

The two big black men try to decide who gets to eat him but Finlay jumps the gun to save him. He uses that club and gets disqualified for it which is nonsense and Horny leaves with him, as both are gone. Elijah “Deangelo Dinero” Burke, who I swear to you has talent and potential even though I’ve never seen it but everyone says he does so it HAS to be true right? Chavo puts out Punk. Don’t worry Punk fans as he would have a much better year in the future.

Batista goes under the bottom rope to the floor. HHH is 29th and so it begins, as everyone starts wondering who number 30 is. There goes Rhodes. Big Daddy V follows. He puts out Foley which is still an awesome sight. This has been way over 90 seconds as to the next entrant. Burke is gone. Umaga takes a Pedigree and there’s the clock.

In easily the biggest Rumble shocker of the all time and arguably one of the biggest shockers in wrestling history, JOHN CENA IS NUMBER THIRTY! He had gotten hurt on October 1st and it was said he would be out until Mania at the least. This was easily the best kept secret in the company probably ever as NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE saw this coming. The LD more or less exploded at the time and with good reason.

This was EPIC. MSG has goes silent and then erupts in about 4 seconds as even New York is stunned. Everyone stops dead in the ring as I wonder who actually knew about this. Oh before I forget the final group is Batista, Umaga, Kane, Carlito, Kennedy, Henry, Chavo, HHH and now Cena. Carlito and Chavo are out in seconds thanks to Cena as the winner is about as obvious as possible now. Henry is out now and there’s your showdown as he walks into HHH.

As they fight you can see Chavo running to the back which is very odd. Batista spears the heck out of Umaga as Kennedy is put out by Batista and then he does the same to Umaga, to make the final four Batista, HHH, Cena and Kane who is put out to get us to three. The IWC was about to commit mass suicide at this point based on these three being the finalists. All three do their taunts to each other and it’s on.

Batista is put out and we’re down to two. And there it is, as Cena becomes the most hated man in New York City in less than ten seconds. Well he is from Boston I guess. In the most predictable elimination in Rumble history, Cena FUs HHH out to end it and go to Mania, even though he would lose in a triple threat that really should have just been HHH vs. Cena. Posing closes the show.

Rating: C-. And most of that is for Cena. This just wasn’t that good of a Rumble as there were too many spots near and after the middle that were just boring beyond belief with nothing of note happening. It was ok, but nothing great at all. Cena’s return is absolutely awesome though and makes the match on all kinds of levels. It’s ok, but there are far better Rumbles.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked it. It’s not a terrible show by any sense of the word, but at the same time, it’s certainly not great. There’s no truly great match on the card but it’s fine for what it is. Cena returning turned the company upside down and more or less reset the whole road to Wrestlemania.

Hardy and Orton is ok but not great at all. There’s decent stuff here, but with just five matches it’s a bit hard to get behind. Check it out for Cena’s return and that’s about all, but don’t avoid it if that makes sense.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night and one of the most important shows of the year as we officially start the Road to Wrestlemania. The Royal Rumble is more wide open than in recent years and that’s often the best thing that can happen for the match. Other than that we have a pair of World Title matches, with Raw’s likely being too long and Smackdown’s needing to move on before the company makes itself look worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how life’s road is unpredictable and how one turn can change everything. As you might guess, the Last Man Standing match gets the most time and the Rumble itself is mentioned last.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending and it’s a tables match with Coach on commentary. Before the match, Batista gets in a quick jab at the Dudleys for being the biggest losers since the Philadelphia Eagles. They fight on the floor to start with Batista clotheslining the post by mistake to put the champs in early trouble. In a painful looking impact, Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, hitting Batista in the ribs to keep him in trouble.

A neckbreaker slows Batista down and D-Von takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Flair has Bubba in the corner on a table (that’s so wrong for Flair) but Bubba is right back with the Flip Flop and Fly (that’s more Flair’s speed) Batista comes back in for the save though as I’m glad they’re not wasting time with tags here.

The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination puts Batista down as Evolution can’t get much going here. Flair goes up, and in a shocking change of events, Flair gets slammed down. It’s time for the table but cue Coach, with his bad ribs, for the save. That earns him a What’s Up attempt but Flair makes a save of his own. Batista is back in with a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table for the win.

Rating: D-. Just a Raw match designed to get these guys on the show, though I can appreciate them putting the tables match on first and hopefully we don’t get a bunch of chants about wanting tables. Other than that, I see nothing positive about this entire thing. Batista and Flair are fine as champions, but it’s not like they have anyone important to feud against at this point.

Flair says they’ll keep the titles as long as they want.

John Cena raps about how he’s going to win but Rob Van Dam comes in to steal the last rhyme, saying he’ll win the Rumble. Cena makes weed jokes and says Van Dam can suck his candy cane.

There’s an empty chair for Mick Foley, should he bother to show up.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending and Jamie has the still blind Nidia with him. A 619 attempt in the first ten seconds is countered into a hot shot as Jamie takes over. Cole says that Nidia, who is blind, is looking on as Jamie hiptosses Rey down, earning one heck of a tongue lashing from Tazz. Rey gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by the sitout bulldog for two. The tiger driver is broken up and Nidia trips Jamie by mistake, setting up the 619. Rey Drops the Dime to retain in short order.

Rating: D. Well don’t bother wasting time I guess. This was barely three minutes long and they didn’t have time to do anything. Nidia’s interference was the most important part of the match and that took all of two seconds. These two are talented but they need more time than a run of the mill women’s match from this era to get anywhere.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. They were a successful team but Eddie got way more popular, sending Chavo into a jealous rage when the team stopped doing as well. Chavo went nuts, blaming Eddie for all of their problems and bringing in his father to turn it into more of a family affair, even as Kurt Angle tried to play peacekeeper. This is one of the few stories that is going to work every single time and both of them have sold it exceptionally well, turning it into the best thing going on in WWE at the moment.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo has his father with him. They fight over a hard lockup to start until Chavo slaps the taste out of Eddie’s mouth. A fired up Eddie shoves him into the corner but can’t bring himself to follow up because his heart is broken. He’s willing to take Chavo down into a chinlock but Chavo is right back up for a chop in the corner. Eddie chops him back and gives the first smile of the match. Some shoulders put Eddie down and Chavo is very pleased with his early success.

That just earns him a poke to the eye as the stalling continues. Eddie takes him down again but Chavo pops up in short order and hooks a hurricanrana to put them both on the floor. With Chavo back inside, his dad sends Eddie face first into the steps (Tazz: “I guess he doesn’t like his little brother.”) to give Chavo the first real advantage. Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker but can’t get it all the way on. Chavo scores with a belly to back suplex but the tornado DDT is broken up. Eddie rolls the suplexes and drops the frog splash for the win.

Rating: C. It was good while it lasted but it should have lasted about twice as long. This was a big time story on Smackdown and it ended in a match that was about half as long as the Smackdown main event. I’m assuming they’re setting Eddie up for something bigger down the line and they needed to get this out of the way, but this deserved more time.

Post match Eddie gets fired up for the first time and beats up both Chavos. Sr. gets tied to the bottom rope by the tie while Jr. gets stomped in the corner, busting him open in the process. They did a good job here with Eddie wanting to hold in his emotions during the match but being pushed too far after and finally erupting.

Chris Benoit is ready to go in at #1 when Evolution comes in with their champagne to celebrate. Flair says Benoit is the best technical wrestler alive and all man but the brass ring always slips out of his hand. It’s all about Evolution holding all of the gold so Benoit is always going to be second best.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Brock Lesnar defending against Hardcore Holly. Lesnar broke Holly’s neck back in 2002 and since we must go with real life instead of something, you know, interesting, we’ve been stuck watching Lesnar run from Holly for the last month. This is possibly the most ice cold title match in history as Holly is little more than a former comedy guy with a bad attitude who is ranting about wanting to break Lesnar’s neck. Lesnar can beat up Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, but Hardcore Holly suddenly scares him? That’s what we’re going with here?

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Lesnar is defending and Holly jumps him before the bell. The champ gets posted twice in a row and the bell rings with Holly on the apron, only to miss a top rope clothesline. Lesnar scores with a suplex as the referee is getting in the way more than usual here. A ram into the apron gives Lesnar two and it’s off to a waistlock on the mat. What would eventually be called a Shell Shock gives Lesnar two as this is a complete squash so far.

It’s back to the waistlock as you can hear the limited interest the fans had seeping out of the arena. A bearhug sets up a suplex and it’s right back to a head and arm choke. Holly fights up with some kicks to the ribs and clotheslines, followed by the Alabama Slam….for no cover as it’s off to that stupid full nelson. The hold stays on even as they fall to the floor so Holly tries it again with Lesnar on the apron. That earns him a neck snap across the top and the F5 retains the title.

Rating: F. Oh give me a break. Lesnar was never in danger here and in the six and a half minutes they had, at least half of it was Lesnar keeping him on the mat in a hold. Holly’s finisher, while fine for beating a midcarder here and there, is nowhere near enough to be a real threat to Lesnar. Thank goodness they didn’t tease a bunch of near falls and just got out of there, because this was a bad idea from the beginning.

We’re not even 52 minutes into the show and we’ve covered four matches, including three title matches. That’s a ridiculous pace, even for a Royal Rumble.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH, which they’re billing as seven years in the making. So we’re counting all of the four and a half years Shawn was on the shelf and the months long feud they had in 2002? They’ve traded wins and the title until Shawn got a pin on the last show of 2003, albeit with his own shoulders on the mat. Therefore it’s a Last Man Standing match tonight, which somehow ties into everything else they’ve ever done, including the most recent match, which is barely discussed.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

HHH is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. They fight over a lockup to start until Shawn gets the better of a chop off. It’s time for a mat sequence with Shawn loading up a backslide, only to let it go when he realizes what kind of match they’re having. One heck of a whip into the corner starts n on Shawn’s back, which is still a target six years after it was originally hurt.

Shawn is right back up with a Figure Four but HHH turns it over for the break. That’s enough of the wrestling so it’s time to head outside with HHH loading up the announcers’ table. A suplex through the table is broken up and Shawn ax handles him in the head. Back in and a backdrop puts HHH on the floor again but Shawn’s springboard spinning crossbody only hits table in a big crash.

Shawn is busted open (of course he is) and we get a replay, showing that Shawn would have cleared HHH by two feet even if HHH had stood in place. Back in again and the very bloody Shawn won’t stay down, instead telling HHH to bring it on. Right hands get a seven and a spinebuster gives HHH eight more. It’s chair time and a hard shot to the back gets nine this time. The Pedigree on the chair is countered into a slingshot into the corner, followed by Shawn’s own chair shot to the face.

Back up and the forearm into the nip up have the bloody HHH in trouble. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. Back up and Shawn grabs a sleeper, which lasts as long as a sleeper is going to in a match like this. HHH’s DDT gets eight so he loads up a belly to back superplex, which is countered into a spinning crossbody for a double knockdown. The Pedigree gets nine and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, good for a double knockout and a draw.

Rating: C-. Well of course we need to see these two fight again. You wouldn’t expect HHH and Shawn Michaels to wrap up their feud in just two matches right? This wasn’t very good with just an exchange of moves and nothing that went anywhere, though the blade jobs were both quite nasty looking. I’m sure we’ll see these two again, but these two will likely be fighting in their retirement home.

The fans are NOT pleased with the draw and I can’t say I blame them. HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Shawn insists on walking.

Video on the Royal Rumble, which really just shows the names involved. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Goldberg is in at #30.

The Fink is ready to start the introductions but here’s Eric Bischoff to promise that Raw will win the match. He runs down Paul Heyman’s abilities to run shows in Bingo halls, in a line that has to have been repeated a thousand times now. Ignore that WCW officially went out of business before ECW (on an extreme technicality but it was still officially in business after WCW was purchased). Heyman tackles Bischoff but here’s Steve Austin on the ATV to say they’re both in violation of the law. Stunners abound and beer is consumed. I’m so glad they spent five minutes on this when four matches got less than twenty two minutes combined.

Goldberg is asked about being #30 in the Royal Rumble when Brock comes in to wonder where his interview is. Brock asks where Goldberg’s title is but Goldberg says it’s coming back at Wrestlemania. Goldberg suggests Brock is a coward.

Foley still isn’t here.

Royal Rumble

JR and Tazz are on commentary, thankfully giving us a standard booth instead of the usual mess that these things have become. Tazz even has keys to victory: hide, stamina, get a high number. I’ve heard worse analysis so I’ll take what I can get. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 and we have ninety second intervals. Benoit gets aggressive to start (ignoring key to victory #2) and scores with a suplex but gets uppercutted into the corner.

Mark Henry is in at #3 and shoves Benoit down so he can choke Orton in the corner. The clock seems to get a little faster as Tajiri is in at #4 and gets suplexed down for his efforts. Henry throws Orton ribs first onto the top rope and everyone pounds away as Bradshaw is in at #5. Clotheslines abound until Benoit pulls him into the Crossface and gets him out in less than a minute. Well at least they’re keeping the ring at a manageable number. Rhyno is in at #6 and goes after Orton and Benoit as Tajiri kicks away at Henry.

Tajiri can’t get the Tarantula so Rhyno Gores Henry, eliminating Tajiri in the process. Benoit dumps Henry and we’re already down to three. They fight by the ropes and it’s Matt Hardy in at #7. There’s a Side Effect to Rhyno but Benoit knocks Matt to the apron. Matt gets back in and everyone pummels everyone until Scott Steiner is in at #8. Benoit rolls some German suplexes on Steiner as JR gives us the good stat of there being no former Rumble winners in this match.

Matt Morgan is in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up. A helicopter bomb plants Benoit and there’s a big boot to Hardy. It’s back to the exchange of forearms around the ring with no one going for an elimination until Hurricane is in at #10. Before I can recap who is in the match, Morgan tosses Hurricane in short order, leaving us with Benoit, Orton, Rhyno, Hardy, Steiner and Morgan. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron but not out as Steiner lays on Orton in the middle of the ring.

Booker T. is in at #11 to a nice reaction but also to a really annoying song. An ax kick has Orton in trouble and Steiner is thrown out off camera (in his last match with the company) as Kane is in at #12. Benoit and Morgan both get chokeslams and the Gore and RKO are both blocked. Kane starts beating on Matt in the corner…..and a gong strikes at #13. As expected, Kane freaks out and the distraction lets Booker throw him out. It’s actually Spike Dudley in at #13 so Kane beats him up in the aisle, both for the gong and for Spike upsetting Kane on Monday. Things settle down and it’s Rikishi in at #14.

Benoit dumps Rhyno and Orton gets a Stinkface as the fans aren’t exactly interested, probably due to the gong taking some of their interest away. They’re certainly not burning up the pace for eliminations here but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Rene Dupree is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point. He dropkicks Hardy out but turns into a superkick from Rikishi to get eliminated as well.

A-Tran is in at #16 and goes after Rikishi as Benoit ducks Morgan’s charge to get rid of him. Orton dumps out Rikishi and Booker in the span of a few seconds, leaving us with Benoit, Orton and A-Train. Benoit eliminates A-Train as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. Benjamin slugs away as JR completely missed A-Train’s elimination. How do you not notice the 6’8 350lb bald guy being gone? Orton dumps Shelton and we’re down to two again. To be fair, other than Kane and maybe Booker, none of the other entrants are worth anything so far. Lamont runs out to introduce Ernest Miller at #18 and Tazz loves the song.

Benoit tosses Lamont and Orton does the same to Miller so these two can keep slugging it out. Kurt Angle is in at #19 and now things can pick up a bit. Benoit and Angle go at it (of course) while Orton is smart enough to just chill in the corner. Angle has Benoit in trouble on the ropes but Orton makes a rather questionable save. Rico is in at #20 and goes after Orton, who dropkicks him almost immediately. A kick to the head rocks Orton though, leaving Benoit to roll some German suplexes on Angle. Orton dumps Rico with ease and it’s Test…..not in at #21.

We cut to the back where Test is unconscious. Austin sees who did it and makes that person #21 instead. In the arena, MICK FOLEY is #21 and Orton knows he’s about to die. Foley slugs him down in the corner, throws up a BANG BANG and hits the running knee in the corner. The Cactus Clothesline gives us a double elimination and it’s down to Benoit vs. Angle. Foley isn’t done with Orton and sends him into the steps as Christian is in at #22.

Orton gets in a few wicked chair shots to Foley and punches him down before slamming Foley’s head into the ramp. Some right hands get Foley out of trouble and it’s Mr. Socko but Foley has to give it to Nunzio, who comes in at #23. The distraction lets Orton get in a low blow and run off after a great angle that makes me want to see these two have a heck of a fight. Back in the ring, Christian can’t get rid of Angle or Benoit so Angle suplexes Benoit instead. Benoit is the only one standing as Big Show is in at #24.

Show starts fast with the overhand chops and throws some Canadians around until Chris Jericho is in at #25 to a very nice reaction. Jericho and Christian stomp on Angle in the corner until Show makes a save with a double noggin knocker. How old school of him. Everyone goes after Show so he shrugs them off and Charlie Haas is in at #26. Christian tries to turn on Jericho but gets dumped out instead, which just fits for Christian for some reason. Billy Gunn returns at #27 and hits some Fameassers but can’t get rid of anyone.

John Cena is in at #28 to a very nice reaction and you can feel the star power growing every night. Cena catches Nunzio sitting on the floor and throws him inside as the ring is starting to get too full. For some reason Nunzio goes after Show, earning himself that hard shot to the back. Rob Van Dam is in at #29 and can’t get rid of Show either. Cena gives Angle an FU and here’s Goldberg in at #30 to complete the field. I’m not going to bother saying who all is in there because we’re about to lose a bunch of them.

Goldberg wrecks everyone and tosses Haas, Gunn and Nunzio (after an insane spear). That leaves us with Benoit, Angle, Show, Jericho, Cena, Van Dam and Goldberg for a heck of a final group. Goldberg loads up the Jackhammer on Show but here’s Lesnar to jump him from behind, allowing Angle to dump Goldberg, who is busy seething at Lesnar. Show shrugs off the masses again but Angle chop blocks him, which isn’t the brightest idea. That means a Lionsault, a Five Star, a Shuffle and a Swan Dive but Show is unconscious on the mat. Real smart guys.

Show fights up and dumps Cena, who lands VERY awkwardly on his knee. Van Dam is gone too and we’re down to Jericho, Big Show, Angle and Benoit. Jericho goes after Show’s knee and bulldogs Show now, which has done so well against him already. The Walls make Show tap but Jericho lets him go. That’s not the brightest move in the world and Show makes him pay with a chokeslam over the top for an elimination. A regular chokeslam drops Benoit so Angle gets the Angle Slam on Show.

Benoit gets one as well and now it’s the ankle lock to make Show tap again. Show gets up and muscles Angle out as well, leaving us with two. With Show hanging over the top rope, Benoit hits the Swan Dive to the back of his head, accidentally bringing Show back in. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface to make Show tap for the third time.

A side slam gets Show out of trouble as we hear about Benoit getting close to Ric Flair’s longevity record. Show loads up a gorilla press but Benoit pulls him down into a guillotine, even as Show puts him on the apron. Benoit pulls him down and slides back inside as Show goes out, giving Benoit the big win.

Rating: A. It’s one of the best Rumbles ever, mainly due to Benoit. There was some great storytelling near the end, with Jericho and Angle both making Show tap but then making some kind of a mistake to get eliminated while Benoit was smart/determined enough to make it work in the end. The same thing happens when the big groups try to get Show out and Benoit does it on his own, showing how technique and determination are better than brute strength. It kept you wondering if Benoit could finally win the big one and that’s what they managed to pull off in a great story throughout the whole match.

Other than that, they did a great job of not letting the ring get too full save for near the end, which Goldberg took care of in short order. Pacing is often such a problem in these things and it’s very nice to see them get it right. They had a big angle with Foley and Orton too, giving it something besides the winner to go off of from here. Finally, there were multiple possible winners, which always makes for a better match than having one or two people be the only ones who could win. Great Rumble, and one of the best of all time.

JR loses it praising Benoit, who smiles (a rare thing for him) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Rumble is always a unique show as it’s the only one where one match can really save the whole thing, as the main event is often at least a third of the show. The problem is the rest of the show was so bad due to the matches either being rushed or being HHH vs. Shawn in their annual attempt at an epic match that it’s hard to call this good overall. Really though, the Rumble itself is more than enough to carry it, but on any other card of the year this would have been a disaster.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2004-they-couldnt-wait-any-longer/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal sRumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the show where you can really see the next generation rising up. The main events other than the Rumble are Lesnar vs. Holly and HBK vs. HHH. Ok so maybe the next generation only comes up in the Rumble. Other than that we don’t have much going on here but this show is all about Benoit in the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn vs. HHH because that’s what people are watching the ROYAL RUMBLE for right? The theme of the video is that things can change in the blink of an eye.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Flair and Batista are defending here and this is a tables match. Coach is ticked off at the Dudleys for putting him through a table six nights ago on Raw, because if there’s one man you need to give a reason to be a heel, it’s COACH. Batista makes fun of the Eagles because he hasn’t broken through to the other side of the glass ceiling yet. The fight starts in the aisle as you would expect. This is one table to a finish, meaning only one guy has to go through to end it.

Bubba slides in a table but shoves it hard enough that it slides across the ring and hits Batista in the ribs on the other side of the floor. Flair gets double teamed to start and caught in a powerslam by D-Von. There’s a table set up in the ring but Batista moves it before Flair gets suplexed through it. D-Von hits a Cactus Clothesline on Batista as Flair chops Bubba against a table in the corner.

Big Dave comes back in with some clotheslines to clean house but misses a charge into the post. The belly to back neckbreaker from the Dudleys puts him down and it’s Flair getting double teamed again. According to JR, the Dudleys are the only team to win the (non-vacant) world tag team titles at the Rumble. Coach heads to the ring to distract the Dudleys and prevent a 3D to Flair. Flair saves Coach and Batista hits a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table to retain.

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

There’s an empty seat for Mick Foley in the front row.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

We recap the battle of the Guerreros. Eddie was clearly the bigger star which was fine while they were champions, but once they lost the belts to the Bashams, Chavo blamed Eddie and turned on his uncle for losing his title. The Guerreros almost made up but they lost the rematch, after which Chavo let Eddie get double teamed by the Bashams. This was actually a pretty solid story despite how basic it was. Sometimes less is more. Oh and Kurt Angle was playing peacemaker and Chavo Guerrero Senior is in his son’s corner.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo bails to the floor before the bell and the fans are totally behind Eddie here. They fight over a lockup to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Chavo slaps Eddie in the face and now we’re ready to go. We hit the mat for a bit before Eddie starts snapping off chops in the corner. Chavo shoulders him down and we have a standoff. They chop it out again and Eddie goes to the eye like a true Guerrero.

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Ad for Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. That’s the most entertaining part of the show so far.

Benoit likes his odds even though he’s #1 in the Rumble. Evolution comes up and says Orton is going to win the Rumble. Flair says Benoit may be great, but this is about Evolution tonight.

We recap Hardcore Holly vs. Lesnar. Brock broke Holly’s neck (legit) and Holly gets a world title shot out of it a year later. This is the textbook definition of the Rumble title shot where no one buys the champion as being in any danger whatsoever.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly jumps Lesnar in the aisle and sends him into the post because he wants to break Lesnar’s neck. We get a bell and Holly misses an elbow off the top to give Brock control. They head to the floor where Holly’s back is rammed into the apron and Lesnar hooks a reverse body vice back inside. That goes nowhere so Brock hits a Shell Shock for two and it’s right back to the hold.

We shift to a bearhug and then one of the most wicked overhead belly to belly suplexes you’ll ever see. Off to a kind of rear naked choke by Lesnar to keep things dull. Holly makes his comeback with the dropkick and hits the Alabama Slam but goes for a full nelson and revenge instead of the title. Holly hooks the hold and goes to the floor with it but has to break the count. The F5 hits a few seconds later to complete the inevitable.

Rating: D. This was Brock Lesnar defending the world title against Hardcore Holly on pay per view. If you can’t figure out why this got the rating it got, I can’t help you.

We recap HHH vs. HBK which is allegedly seven years in the making. I’m guessing THIS is supposed to be the FINAL blowoff to their feud instead of the classic in 2002.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

HHH is defending and this is a last man standing match. They chop it out to start and punch each other in the corner a lot. Shawn tries a backslide before realizing that makes no sense here, so it’s back to the chops. Michaels gets caught in a facebuster as things slow down a bit. A HARD whip into the corner has Shawn’s back in trouble and a backbreaker makes it even worse.

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Back in and Shawn counters a Pedigree with a backdrop to the floor but he injures his back in the process. Shawn tries a springboard cross body to the floor but crashes through the table instead as only he can. Instead of letting the now busted open Shawn get counted out, HHH throws him back in for the count, which reaches seven. The champ pounds Shawn down a few times for a few counts, most of which don’t get that far.

A fast spinebuster (literally, as Shawn was flying at HHH and it almost looked like a belly to belly instead of a spinebuster) gets about six. That’s the problem with most last man standing matches: it’s a big move then standing around for the count. That makes it very hard to get any kind of flow going to the match. HHH cracks Shawn in the back with a chair but Shawn gets up again. A Pedigree onto the chair is countered into a slingshot into the post, busting HHH open as well.

Now Shawn cracks HHH in the head with a chair, allowing HHH to do his weird “my head hurts and I’m not sure where I am” face. There’s the forearm followed by the nipup from Shawn, followed by an atomic drop and the top rope elbow. That gets about seven so Shawn tunes up the band, only to walk into a low blow to put both guys down. Shawn hooks a sleeper which eventually gets an eight count before walking into a DDT to put both guys down.

That gets a double eight count before we head to the corner. HHH tries a belly to back superplex but Shawn counters into a cross body for another double eight count. The Pedigree hits but it’s only good for a nine. Shawn pops up out of nowhere with some more Sweet Chin Music, putting both guys down for ten which keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. The problem here is exactly what I said earlier: this was a lot of laying around. The last seven minutes or so had about five moves combined, as most of the match was “move, lay down, move, lay down, move, lay down.” The idea is supposed to be a ton of drama, but that didn’t happen here. Shawn would turn into a jerk in the next few weeks and insert himself in the Mania main event because of this ending.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

The Fink is ready to start the Rumble but here’s Bischoff to run his mouth. He says that a Raw guy is going to win the Rumble because he’s respected as a GM. He runs down ECW, which brings out Heyman for a brawl. Cue Austin on his ATV to say that these two are both in violation of the law (he was called Sheriff Austin at this point) and wants to know who started it. Heyman and Bischoff: “HE DID!” Both guys get Stunners and the fans love it.

Goldberg, #30 in the Rumble, doesn’t get to talk because Lesnar comes in to interrupt him. Lesnar is called a coward, which will come into play later.

JR has to admit Foley is a coward because he isn’t here yet.

Royal Rumble

Benoit is #1 and the Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton is #2. Two minute intervals here again. They pound away on each other to start with Benoit taking him to the mat to stomp away. Mark Henry is #3 when he was a fat power guy with no direction at all. Allow me to be more specific: he’s still with Teddy Long. Benoit gets double teamed for awhile until Tajiri is #4. These intervals don’t seem to be two minutes or anywhere close to it.

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Rhyno is #6 as we’re flying through this so far. He goes after the two starters as Tajiri fires off kicks on Henry. Tajiri gets a half Tarantula on Henry but Henry gets Gored, knocking Tajiri out in the process. Benoit clotheslines Henry out and we’re down to three again. Matt Hardy is #7 and Benoit throws him to the apron almost immediately. In FAR less than two minutes, here’s Scott Steiner at #8. Oh dear it’s Scott Steiner at the Royal Rumble. This could be a disaster.

He starts firing off suplexes immediately but at least this time there are some t-bones to go with the belly to bellies. Benoit rolls some Germans on him as if to say THIS IS HOW YOU SUPLEX SOMEBODY. Things slow down a bit and here’s Matt Morgan at #9. He takes Benoit down with a Batista Bomb takes Benoit down and pounds away on Orton in the corner.

The Hurricane is #10 and comes in off the top with a cross body to Hardy. He goes after Morgan for no apparent reason and is thrown out in less than twenty seconds. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron again but can’t get him out. Booker T, complete with the stupid remix of his theme music with Booker singing, is #11. Booker immediately goes after Steiner in a revisiting of their WCW feud that no one was asking for.

Nothing of note happens until Kane is #12. This is after he buried Taker alive. For the first time. Steiner gets dumped by Booker during Kane’s entrance. Kane starts firing off chokeslams and other various power moves for which he is well known. The clock runs down at #13 and there go the lights. A gong goes off and Kane PANICS. Booker uses the distraction to dump Kane and here’s Spike Dudley at #13. He never makes it to the ring as Kane destroys him for setting off the gong.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

A-Train is #16 and goes right for Rikishi. Benoit avoids the yet to be named Carbon Footprint and dumps Morgan. I love that they’re keeping the ring from getting full. Orton dumps Rikishi and Booker as Shelton Benjamin is #17. Benoit dumps A-Train during his entrance and Orton dumps Shelton a few seconds later to get us back to two. Orton pounds on him a bit but they crack heads to put both guys down.

Lamont, the announcer for Ernest Miller (complete with the music that would go to Brodus Clay eight years later), runs out to introduce the Cat at #18. After some dancing (and singing by Tazz), Orton dumps him out. Miller would be released in like two weeks. Kurt Angle is #19 and he might be a bit harder to get out. He’s fighting for AMERICA here so the fans tell him he sucks.

Benoit and Angle destroy each other with chops and punches as only they can while Orton is content to chill in the corner. Rico, now in his Adrian Street phase, is #20. He fires off some kicks but lasts about as long as you would expect him to in a match with Orton, Angle and Benoit. The RKO takes care of Rico as Benoit rolls a ton of Germans on Angle. Test is #21…..and is nowhere in sight.

Orton RKO’s Angle and we cut to the back to see Test unconscious. Austin sees someone off camera and says they’re #21. The off camera man and presumable attacker: MICK FREAKING FOLEY! Orton, the guy who spat in Foley’s face and called him a coward, PANICS. The place goes nuts and Foley explodes on Orton, beating him half to death and hitting a Cactus Clothesline to put both of them out. This would lead to some AWESOME matches at Mania and Backlash which put Orton up to the world title in August.

Foley keeps beating on Orton as Christian is #22. Mick picks up the steps and BLASTS a security guy who tries to stop him. Orton comes back with two chair shots and fires back at Mick. They brawl up the ramp and Foley pulls out Socko, only to put it on Nunzio who comes in at #23. We haven’t seen anything of the match for awhile but I can live with that for a hot brawl like this. Orton kicks Foley low and runs as we go back to the ring.

Angle is getting double teamed as Nunzio is down on the floor. Big Show is #24 and apparently that’s Tazz’s pick. Thankfully he’s in the singlet and shorts again instead of the one piece swimsuit. Angle immediately goes after him but Show throws everyone around. Jericho is #25 as he’s in a weird phase of his career. He wasn’t a main event guy anymore but he had feuded with everyone in the midcard already so he just kind of hung around and filled in spots on the card.

All four guys go after Big Show (who has a head like a typewriter according to Tazz) but they can’t get him out. Charlie Haas is #26 but gets double teamed by Jericho and Christian. Currently we have Benoit, Angle, Jericho, Christian, Haas, Big Show and Nunzio who is on the floor. Jericho backdrops Christian out for the second year in a row as Billy Gunn is #27. Apparently this is a return for him. It’s Fameassers all around and then things slow down again.

John Cena is #28 and that pop is growing at an alarming rate. Show stares him down so Cena throws Nunzio in to kill some time. Nunzio goes after Show for some reason but Cena takes over for him to make it fair. RVD is #29 to a big pop of his own. It’s spin kicks all around until things settle down a bit. There’s an FU to Angle and Goldberg is #30. The final group: Benoit, Angle, Big Show, Jericho, Nunzio, Haas, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. At least the ring didn’t fill up until the end so that’s not too bad.

Goldie spears a lot of people down to start before Nunzio jumps on his back like an idiot. Haas is put out and Nunzio takes a HUGE spear. Gunn is out as is Nunzio to get us down to seven. Goldberg loads up a Jackhammer on Show but Lesnar runs in with an F5 to break it up. Goldberg stares down Brock, allowing Angle to dump him out. All five remaining guys not named Big Show go after the one named Big Show but it still doesn’t work.

Everyone hits their finishers on Show instead with Cena (Show’s feud at the time) hitting the Shuffle instead of the FU, which I’m assuming they were saving for Mania. They try to dead lift Show and realize they screwed up by knocking a giant unconscious. Show shoves them all off and dumps Cena followed by Van Dam a few seconds later.

So it’s Big Show, Benoit, Angle and Jericho as the final four. Jericho gets sent to the apron twice and manages to hang on before bulldogging Show down. The Walls go on Show and he taps but Angle breaks the hold up for no apparent reason. Show chokeslams Benoit down but chokeslams Jericho even further, sending him to the floor to get us to three. A side slam puts Angle down and there’s another chokeslam to Benoit.

Show breaks up a German attempt from Angle but can’t block an Angle Slam. There’s a Slam to Benoit (it was a belly to back suplex but whatever) and the ankle lock to Show. Show taps again, but again it doesn’t mean anything. The big guy rolls through the hold and eliminates Angle in the process, getting us down to two.

Benoit dropkicks Show but knocks him back into the ring by mistake. A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface and Show taps again, but you know the drill by now. Show shrugs it off and picks Benoit up in a chokeslam. Benoit graps a front chancery though and pulls Show to the apron….then has him teetering on the ropes…..AND BENOIT WINS! The crowd kept getting louder as Benoit pulled further and further. Awesome sequence there.

Rating: A. There were some slow spots but this was ALL about Benoit and I can’t complain about that at all. The ending sequence here with all three submission guys making Show tap was a cool idea and different than the ending to any other Rumble. They didn’t throw a stupid curve here and made Benoit look like a star here, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Great Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. The Rumble is really REALLY good but the rest is horrible. Don’t watch the rest of the show, but if you’re a Benoit fan and can still sit through a long match of his, this is absolutely required viewing. Things would change a bit more the next year as two REALLY big names would be the stars of the Rumble, but that’s not for another year. For now, this was all about Benoit and he nailed it.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

So another year has passed and the only real change is that Evolution is running wild on Raw. Yeah, HHH is champion again, Benoit is still having great matches but getting nowhere with them, Brock still owns the world, and the Dudleys are still the only tag team worth a thing. The levels of similarity between the two shows astounds me. Oh and Cena is now a face. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

This really was a show that doesn’t mean much in the history of the company because nothing much happens. Shawn and HHH are going to have another classic in their endless series and Lesnar is having a match with Hardcore Holly of all people. Let that sink in for a bit before we start this up.

Naturally the opening video is about Shawn and HHH, because, you know, they’re more important than the match the show is named after. The whole thing is about roads which is fine but geez, could you be a bit more subtle next time? I didn’t really get what you were trying to talk about here.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Ric Flair/Batista

This is in the Evolution period so Flair thinks he’s a Horseman still I guess. It’s a tables match so at least we don’t have to worry about it lasting long. Evolution came in as champions here after having the belts stolen from them a month before. Oh and they’re 17 time champions here. They put Coach through a table on Raw in a pointless segment. Oh dang it they gave Batista a mic. Who thought this was a good idea at this point in his career?

The fight is on in the aisle, and I think Flair is on the verge of bleeding already. In a cool spot, Bubba is on one side of the ring and gets a table out. He slides it across the ring and it hits Batista on the floor on the other side of the ring. That was impressive. Seeing Dave with a lot of hair is just amusing. Flair is told to suck on that by Bubba which is an image I never want again. We go to a completely ranomd shot over the shoulders of the announcers. What the heck was the point of that?

The Dudleys hit that reverse neckbreaker that is always called a 3D by idiotic fans in the crowd. Shockingly, Flair is slammed off the top rope. Coach leaves for no apparent reason as Flair is about to get a 3D. He almost gets the What’s Up but Flair stops it. Batista puts D-Von through a table to end it. That was incredibly pointless.

Rating: C. It’s four and a half minutes long. How much of a rating could I actually give this thing? It was a way to give Evolution a bit more credibility as champions and that’s what it did. They lost them to RVD and Booker a few weeks later but whatever. This was fine for an opener I guess.

We go to the back and I have to take a break for a minute as Josh Matthews looks like a cross between Vanilla Ice and….something not meant to be crossed with Vanilla Ice. I mean it’s just hilarious. Anyway, he’s with Cena who is a face now but he still raps. RVD interrupts him in a bizarre cameo. Cena was getting there but he wasn’t quite there yet.

We see a chair that’s reserved for Foley. This is in the middle of the angle where he was afraid of Orton and refused to fight him.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Talk about two careers that have gone in completely opposite directions since this. Rey comes out first for no apparent reason. If Noble’s music was any more generic it would be off an American Idol winner’s CD. Oh yeah and Nidia, Noble’s girlfriend, has been blinded by Tajiri. It’s a fake, and if that surprises you I have to wonder why you’re here. Apparently Noble has been using her to help him win matches without her knowing about it.

Cole gets in the flat out stupid line of “Nidia looking on”. Cole, you are a plague upon mankind. Even Tazz calls him out for saying something stupid. How bad does that tell you he is? Nidia trips Noble “by mistake” and Rey gets a 619 and drops the dime for the win. Yeah that’s really all that happened. It’s a 3 minute match.

Rating: N/A. There’s more or less nothing here to grade so I can’t do it justice. The angle was stupid though and this is kind of insulting to the crusierweights. They give them 3 minutes for their title? Seriously, what’s the point in even having them out there? This was stupid and is a great example of why this division is considered a freaking joke.

So Chavo can’t stand Eddie because he’s jealous or something stupid like that.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

I put Jr. because Chavo Sr. is with Chavo here. This was right before Eddie turned into the mega face and would become the most overrated wrestler in recent history. Yes Eddie was great, but you would think he was the second coming of Lou Thesz based on how much praise he got all of a sudden. He’s mad over here but still it’s annoying considering they’re still using his name in angles now.

Now in case you didn’t know that they grew up more or less as brothers, they’re going to let you know for the first time in the first two minutes. That should only be mentioned about 15 more times in the match. Oh and apparently Chavo hates Eddie now. I get that we have faces vs. heels, but this pro-Eddie stuff from Cole here is driving me insane. SHUT UP ALREADY. WE GET IT. In a funny spot, Chavo does Eddie’s dance thing and Eddie just flips him off. That was great.

Oh Eddie refuses to punch too. Chavo Sr., who is Eddie’s brother in case you can’t remember the family tree in your head, trips him to give Chavo the advantage. Since Chavo pales in the shadows of Eddie though, that lasts all of a second. Chavo steals Eddie’s sequence of moves, so Eddie follows it up by doing the exact same sequence. This allows for the frog splash to end it. That was just pointless. Eddie follows it up with a long beatdown of both Chavos to fill in some time.

Rating: C+. The wrestling here was quite good, but I still don’t get what was accomplished here. Eddie was just treading water at this point until less than a week later when he was launched into being number one contender for the Smackdown Title in a battle royal. This ended this mini feud so I guess that’s the point it served. I never liked Eddie vs. Chavo for some reason, but the wrestling was very solid.

Buy Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. No you really should as it’s a cool set.

Benoit is in the back with Josh Matthews but Flair and Evolution interrupt him. If anyone can explain to me logically why Benoit was never made into the next big star of the Horsemen in WCW, I’ll get you a ham sandwich. They talk about Benoit being unable to win the big one, which more or less gives away the ending to the Rumble.

Since apparently I murdered a baby in a past life or something, we recap Bob Holly vs. Lesnar. It’s an even numbered year so it’s time to push him again. Holly fought Lesnar in 2002 and Lesnar messed up a powerbomb and it broke Holly’s neck. That apparently is what it takes for him to get a title shot. Holly kept jumping Brock and trying to hurt him with a full nelson. Yes, Hardcore Holly is getting a title shot at the Royal freaking Rumble. Just take me now.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

They announce Holly and that this is for the WWE Title and I expect Chimmel to just break up laughing. I mean seriously how could you keep a straight face announcing that? It’s amazing to think that Lesnar would be done with the WWE in three months. Holly jumps him before the match starts so the bell rings while Holly is waiting on Brock to get up. He misses a cross body, meaning that he was in control for all of two seconds of this match.

After that, it’s all Brock. I mean literally, four minutes have passed and Holly has been on defense since then. Tazz and Cole are really trying to make this sound like a legit match. They even say that Holly might be pound for pound the strongest guy in the company. That’s just completely stupid. Hey there’s offense! It’s a head slap and two punches and he’s down again. Also most of this is Brock with Holly on the mat in a hold.

He gets a slightly longer one here, even hitting his finisher, the Alabama Slam (think of a guy going for a sunset flip but not getting over and the guy he’s using it on grabbing his legs and slamming him back down to the mat). Naturally though he doesn’t cover but goes for the stupid submission and since that doesn’t work, the F5 ends this in like 6 minutes.

Rating: D-. This was a squash on PPV for the title. I can get the idea of having a throwaway feud that ends at the Rumble to set up the real feud at Mania, but this was just a waste of time. Serious, HARDCORE HOLLY is the best you can do? You couldn’t throw someone like Cena in there for a quick feud and title match that went 12 minutes or so? Vince loved Holly for some reason and refused to quit pushing him until he finally woke up and fired him.

We’re four matches into a six match card. The longest match so far: Eddie vs. Chavo at eight minutes and three seconds. I know I complain about PPVs being too much like a TV show but this is ridiculous.

HHH and Shawn are getting ready for their title match tonight. Of course it’s seven years in the making despite them feuding extensively since then. Basically this time Shawn had gotten a title shot in his home town and pinned HHH, but his shoulders were down too so HHH kept the belt.

That’s a great match that you should check out which I believe is on the Heartbreak and Triumph DVD. They go through the usual whining about HHH taking Shawn’s spot after the injury and I want to beat myself with a rock. This highlight package literally goes on for almost four minutes. WE GET IT.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

This is last man standing. From the beginning of the recap package to the bell was about seven and a half minutes. Shawn is finally back to looking like a pro wrestler instead of looking like a tiny man that he was in the Elimination Chamber. What’s the deal with announcers always misusing the word literally? Monsoon said they were literally hanging from the rafters and Lawler says they’re literally beating the tar out of each other. No, not really.

Ross follows that up with a line saying that Michaels made a calculated mistake. I just shake my head and move on. In a shocking turn of events, HHH works on Shawn’s back. Lawler goes on a limb and says that Shawn’s back might be healed SIX YEARS AFTER HE HURT IT. I love how they try to make it sound like Shawn left and then HHH was a big deal the next day. In reality it took about a year for him to get to the big time and another year and the Rock before anyone took him seriously.

Shawn hooks on a figure four and Ross manages to plug the recently released Flair DVD. If anyone has ever been a better or more hardworking salesman than Vince McMahon, I want to meet them and buy something from them. We’re already seeing the problem that exists in every Last Man Standing match: the first fifteen minutes or so mean nothing.

You can go do something else while waiting on that part to end. There will be some decent spots, but it’s simply not going to end during that amount of time. We move to the let’s dodge each other’s finishers which is clichéd but fine I guess.

Shawn goes to the apron and tries a reverse springboard cross body to the floor but eats table in a good looking spot. Since it’s a big match, Shawn is bleeding. I know he emulates Flair but come on now. Hey let’s get a chair since we haven’t had enough violence so far. Naturally Shawn is up in time because we haven’t had the big face comeback yet. In case you can’t tell, I’m not thrilled by this match. It’s ok, but nothing great.

Shawn blocks a Pedigree and slingshots HHH in front of the turnbuckle so HHH can jump to hit the post. Shawn kills him with the chair for an eight or so. Both guys are bleeding. Shawn nips up and the fans are into this if nothing else. He initiates his ending sequence which is just like what Bret Hart would do even though he’s nothing like Bret Hart right?

For the life of me, if Shawn wants to hit a big kick, WHY DOES HE STOMP THE MAT WHILE THE OTHER GUY IS GETTING UP??? That’s just freaking STUPID. Oh come on now. After Shawn gets low blowed, he hooks a sleeper. While it’s psychologically a good move, it’s the best way possible to kill a crowd dead. This match has been 80% punching and chopping.

This match is going on, but all of the clichéd spots like the long double count are just getting annoying as all goodness. A Pedigree puts Shawn down again. He gets up and since he just took a big finisher he’s able to hit Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere, because you know, that’s perfectly reasonable. This leads to a double count out which gets booed out of the freaking building.

This caused Shawn to be completely ridiculous and consistently demand that he get a title shot and generally coming off like a total whiny little troll. This is why Shawn was in the Mania main event, and yes, I think it had a lot to do with HHH making sure that his buddy got to main event ANOTHER Mania and kept him from having to job to Benoit clean, but you’ve heard more than enough rants about that.

Rating: C+. This match felt like it was missing the middle part. It felt like 18 minutes of the feeling out process and then we shifted to the finish for about five minutes. The double count out thing I couldn’t stand but at least they had a plan for these two moving forward.

The problem though is that it’s just Shawn vs. HHH. This feud went on forever and while it’s a big match, it’s been done. That’s the thing: it’s just more of HHH only making his buddy look good instead of just allowing him to lay down for Benoit at Mania like he should have. It’s not bad, but once you think about it the match loses some luster.

We go to a long video package about the Rumble, mainly focusing on Benoit which completely gives away the winner. He’s number one and Goldberg is number 30. Yeah that’s about it.

Austin, Heyman and Bischoff get together. Hilarity ensues.

Brock and Goldberg look at each other. I think Goldberg wants to go get some coffee.

Royal Rumble

As mentioned, Benoit is first and Orton is number 2. Tazz and Ross are doing the commentary tonight and Orton is the IC Champion here. These two would headline Summerslam in about 7 months in a great match which led to Orton’s horribly botched face turn. GEEZ Orton looks different here as he more or less was all clean cut like some college kid. Compare that to what you see now and you’ll be amazed.

I’m not sure if I like this style of the Rumble. I like having bigger names in at the beginning, but they couldn’t have made it clearer that Benoit was winning if they put the WM 20 poster on the mat for this. I like these hard hitting people if nothing else. Henry is 3rd as I think the intervals are two minutes or so. Teddy Long is managing Henry here which means more or less nothing. After about a minute, Tajiri is 4th. I know this because there’s a graphic in the corner that says Tajiri 4th.

He and Benoit do some sweet looking technical stuff. Bradshaw is 5th and somehow he would be world champion in 6 months. He clotheslines everyone but Benoit who pulls him into a crossface. Bradshaw picks him up and tries to dump him but Benoit holds on and pulls Bradshaw out. Rhyno is 6th here as the intervals are actually staying pretty close to accurate here.

Tajiri puts Henry in the Tarantula but Rhyno gores Henry to knock Tajiri out. That’s actually pretty creative and I liked it. Benoit puts Henry out by just running into him a few times to a solid pop. It was bigger last year but we’re not going to speak of that. Oh Henry took some mist according to a replay to cause him to be in the Tarantula. Matt Hardy is seventh. We now have Benoit, Orton, Rhyno and Hardy in there. Hardy is a face here I think. Yeah he’s getting pops.

I just don’t think he means anything as a singles guy, which would date this show as sometime between 2001 and the present. The two successful singles guys and the two lesser so successful singles guys are together. In at eight is Scott Steiner who means more or less nothing at this point. He dominates for the most part with amazingly enough, more suplexes. In an amusing moment, Benoit is just like boy please and starts throwing Steiner around with them.

Ross points out something interesting by saying that no one in this Rumble has won before. Again, that’s the point of an announcer. Lines like that can do a lot as far as elevating a match. Number 9 is MATT FREAKING MORGAN! They know he’s awesome even here where he’s been around all of a few months. Even WWE bills him as 7’0 tall even though he’s about 6’8. He puts Benoit down with a huge power bomb though.

They refer to him as a rookie here so he hasn’t been around long. I know he came out of nowhere at SS 03 and then left around Mania before coming back as Carlito’s bodyguard. Hurricane is tenth. Morgan throws him out in a few seconds and he lands really badly on his leg and might be legit hurt. He almost puts out Hardy who makes a nice save.

Morgan just looks at him while he comes back in which just looks stupid. Booker is 11th and is apparently a favorite to win this? He has a bad rap version of his theme song. He and Steiner go at it and we get a WCW reference. Benoit and Morgan just sounds like a TNA dream match. Ross says that Benoit is still alive somehow. That’s a creepy line. Morgan has shrunk to 6’10 apparently but grows back to 6’11 before Kane is in at 12.

Steiner goes out off camera thanks to Booker. Morgan either has lifts in his shoes or something is weird about his height as he’s almost Kane’s size. They do a smart thing though and spin the camera angles a lot while they’re fighting though. As a recap, we have Benoit, Orton, Rhyno (who gores Hardy as I say that for his first noticeable anything in about 10 minutes), Hardy, Morgan, Booker and Kane.

Of those seven, three would be in TNA within four years. That’s either saying a lot or nothing at all and I’m not sure which. Kane is the only person up as the clock goes down to zero. The lights go out and a gong sounds. To say the crowd pops is an understatement. Kane had buried Taker alive (again) back at Survivor Series. Only in wrestling would that make perfect sense.

That had ended the biker gimmick as Taker would come back as the Dead Man at Mania to face Kane in a glorified squash match. Kane is distracted and Booker puts him out. Spike comes out as number 13 and never gets in the ring. You figure out why not. Rikishi is in at 14 after about a minute of waiting. Benoit puts out Rhyno as Rikishi gets in. Morgan gets a stink face as he must be counting the days to getting to TNA. Tazz mentions that Benoit is hanging in there, which sent a chill up my spine.

Less than 75 seconds later, Renee Dupree is number 15. He actually puts Matt Hardy out with relative ease. That’s surprising if nothing else. Rikishi puts him out a few seconds later. A-Train is in at 16 as he must be about gone from the company at this point. Yeah he would be gone in November after getting hurt in the summer. Benoit puts Morgan out. Orton puts out Booker and Rikishi in about 15 seconds. That’s not bad at all.

Benoit puts out A-Train just as Shelton gets in at number 17. A-Train goes over the ropes and to the floor, and Tazz says that he thinks A-Train is out and I shake my head. Orton puts out Shelton and we’re back to where we started out. Both are down as a guy in a fake afro comes out to introduce Ernest Miller at 18. This was one of the dumbest signings ever as Miller was barely over in WCW so he got hired here for no apparent reason.

Anyway, after dancing badly for a bit, Orton puts him out. In a very funny moment, Benoit tries to throw out Lamont, the guy that did the introduction but as he runs him to the ropes to throw him, just the hair goes off. It’s a lot better than it sounds. Angle is 19th to a HUGE pop. This is kind of a dream trip in there really. Naturally he and Benoit beat the tar out of each other.

Rico, now in his full gay stage, is 20th. Tazz sums him up in one line: you have to be as tough as Rico to wear those pants in the Royal Rumble. Rico was a guy that never got a fair shake as a wrestler. He was chained down by his gimmick and no one could ever take him seriously. If nothing else though, I’ve never heard a single bad thing about him and before and after wrestling he was a police officer in Nevada where he graduated at the top of his class both times.

Like him or not, that’s very impressive. Orton hits an RKO on him and puts him out. As Benoit and Angle beat even more tar out of each other, Test is 21st as no one cares. Main reason no one cares is he’s not here. Orton hits an RKO on Angle as we cut to the back where Test is out cold. Austin, who was sheriff or something like that at the time yells at someone we can’t see that they’re now number 21 as it was apparently the guys that did this to Test.

Austin sounds like Christian Bale from Dark Knight. It’s Mick Foley as the roof is completely gone after being blown off by his music. This was during an angle where Foley was afraid of Orton and refused to fight him on Raw back in December so he left the company. Ross says he knew Foley wasn’t a coward. The look on Orton’s face is absolutely perfect as he’s scared to death. Foley beats the living tar out of him and a Cactus Clothesline puts both of them out.

Foley beats on him even more on the floor as Christian is number 22. Oddly enough ECW is on at the moment and he’s in the main event (shocking isn’t it?). Orton is just getting killed by Foley this whole time. Scratch that he’s coming back with a SICK chair shot to Mick’s head. They fight up the entry way as they set up Rock and Foley vs. Evolution at Mania and the EPIC hardcore match at Backlash.

If you haven’t seen the Backlash match, go get Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses and check that match out. It’s a great DVD too. The final disc has four Foley matches on it where you can pick between original commentary or Foley and Joey Styles which is a cool idea. Nunzio is 23rd but he walks into Socko on the ramp. We haven’t seen anything in the ring for about a minute and a half at this point, but in this case it’s ok. The crowd is WAY into this.

Orton runs away and Foley staggers after him. Nunzio (Little Guido for you ECW fans) sits at ringside while everyone else fights in the ring. Tazz makes fun of Christian wearing pink tights. Ross says some great Canadians have worn pink tights which shuts Tazz up FAST. Big Show is in at 24. He’s finally back in normal looking tights which I couldn’t be happier about. Again, Ross says something very insightful: Yoko and Studd were both #24 when they won.

See, again, that’s something no one would ever pick up on and it offers something to think about. That’s the sign of a great announcer. Jericho is number 25. We have far too high of a Canadian to American ratio in there. Haas is in at 26th. Nunzio is still sitting outside. Jericho puts out Christian for the second year in a row apparently. Billy Gunn is 27th and is apparently returning.

Why in the world is he getting a pop? I just don’t get it. He gets a Fameasser on both Angle and Show which Ross points out is a bad idea because you have to have Show up to put him out. Ross stays on fire tonight by pointing out that number 27 has produced the most winners in history. Even Tazz says Ross is on a roll tonight.

Cena is number 28 to a solid pop. He would win his first title, the US, at Mania over Show who he’s feuding with at the moment. He puts Nunzio into the ring but gets jumped by the Italian and Show. Show slaps Nunzio on the back and Tazz says that’ll shake your ribs cheeks. Where in the world did that come from??? RVD is 29th and we know Goldberg is 30th. Cena hits the FU on Angle.

Your final grouping as Goldberg comes in: Benoit, Haas, Nunzio, Angle, Show, Jericho, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. That’s a pretty sweet grouping when you think about it. Of the ten in there, you have four former world champions and three that would be champion in the future. That’s not bad at all. Goldberg destroys everyone in sight and throws out Haas. There goes Gunn. Nunzio is out. He sets to Jackhammer Big Show and here’s Brock to screw that up.

He nails Goldberg and then Angle throws him out during the stare down. If either guy was staying at Mania, that could have been EPIC. We’ve got six now. Show gets the Andre treatment which doesn’t work at all. Everyone keeps beating on him and then they realize they screwed up because he’s out cold and weighs 500lbs.

Ok, I get that he’s dead weight, but Angle has freakish strength and RVD holds a world record for a dead lift while doing the splits, yet five grown professional wrestlers can’t get him up? Show just goes insane and puts out Cena and RVD. Jericho shows his intelligence and gets the Walls of Jericho on Show. Show puts him out with one arm to just show off. The final three are Angle, Benoit and Show.

If nothing else they’ve saved the best guys for the ending. Angle hits an Angle Slam on Show which never stops being impressive. Benoit takes one that’s close to it but not quite. Show gets a chokeslam but Angle rolls through it into an ankle lock and Show taps again.

In an awesome looking sequence, Show is in the ankle lock and climbs up the ropes, then he kind of rolls forward over them to pull Angle out, because Angle couldn’t you know, LET GO OF HIS FREAKING LEG or something like that. Benoit rolls through a chokeslam with the most basic counter there is to it and continues his streak of being the only guy in history to consistently work on the right arm of an opponent.

Show taps again. That’s a nice bit of continuity there as all three submission guys manages to get him to tap but it means nothing. I like it though as it shows they’ve at least thought this out a bit. It’s so simply yet it ties the match together and shows that while Jericho and Angle are both great, they’re not as great as Benoit as only he gets rid of Show in the end. That’s a nice little touch and it works so well.

Show is in that thing for at least thirty seconds too so that has to hurt. Show breaks it with a similar counter to what Bradshaw did earlier. Benoit breaks the hour mark. Show, with his handlebar mustache, gets Benoit in a gorilla press but Benoit shifts into a chancers (DDT grip with the arm held also) to pull Show over the ropes and in a cool looking finish gets enough leverage to get him out.

That’s a perfect ending as Benoit didn’t use power or some contrived move. He did what he does best: got a hold on Show and used leverage to get him out. That’s textbook Benoit and it’s the only way he should have won this. The pop is great and for smarks everywhere, this was a perfect moment.

Rating: A. This was a great Rumble for multiple reasons. First of all, Benoit wasn’t focused on until the very end, which made it far less obvious that he was going to be the winner. He blended into the background, which helped him out a lot here. In the 92 Rumble where Flair more or less went wire to wire, he was the focus of the match. Here, Benoit was mentioned but it was far more casual. Second, the ending 6 or so were awesome.

There were a bunch of people there that could have won. Angle winning wouldn’t have surprised anyone I don’t think, and Show is always a legit contender in something like this. This match went very well and while it may not have been great, it was very fun. That’s the best way to describe it: fun.

Overall Rating: C+. The Rumble I the only thing here worth anything. Look back at the show and see what else you have. The tag title match is a squash, the Cruiserweight title match is 3 minutes long, Eddie vs. Chavo is ok at best, Hardcore Holly got a title shot, and Shawn and HHH had a decent but far from great match with a bad ending. Then you have a great Rumble. That’s not a lot to go on really.

The part that kills it for me is HHH and Shawn being the only other match longer than eight and a half minutes. Seriously, you couldn’t chop off 6 minutes of that and give three each to the first two matches? Overall, the show isn’t much at all, but the Rumble is great.

I won’t really recommend it as a lot of this stuff felt like it was from a 3 hour special or something. This wasn’t much, but the Benoit Rumble win is great stuff. You won’t find a better example of someone being launched into the main event than that right there. Definitely check that out, but other than that take a pass.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2002
Date: January 20, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,915
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the first step to things falling downhill, as we’re a few months away from the Brand Split and things falling through the floor in quality. The main event tonight aside from the Rumble is Jericho defending his newly won Undisputed Title (which he won by beating the Rock and Steve Austin IN THE SAME NIGHT in case you didn’t know that) against Rock. HHH is back in the ring tonight also (he may have fought on Smackdown before this but I don’t think he did) so let’s get to it.

The opening video has clips of various Rumble wins in a photo album kind of theme. The theme for this year’s show is 30 Men, 1 Winner. I’ve heard worse ideas which we’ll get too very soon.

Tag Titles: Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Dudley Boys

I LOVE Stacy as the Duchess of Dudleyville. I never remember her looking better. Anyway, Spike and Tazz are defending here in a reign that I don’t think anyone ever remembers. The Dudleys beat up Spike recently so he’s in a neck brace. The Dudleys attack to start and hit the belly to back neckbreaker on Tazz on the floor. It’s Bubba vs. Spike to start things off in a handicap match for all intents and purposes. Bubba rips the neck brace off and drops a big elbow.

Bubba shouts at Spike to get up as we get a very nice shot of Stacy. Tazz is back on the apron as D-Von hits a Hennig necksnap of all things. Bubba loads up a second brainbuster on Spike but gets countered into a Dudley Dog for no cover. The tag to Tazz is missed so Spike has to take a double flapjack instead. Spike avoids a headbutt from D-Von and makes the Dudleys clothesline each other. Hot tag brings in Tazz to clean house with suplexes. A big boot to Bubba’s head sets up a top rope cross body by Spike for two. Stacy interferes and gets put in the Tazmission. D-Von gets caught in the same hold and the champions retain.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what the point of this being on PPV was as it barely broke five minutes. Nothing with Stacy in the Dudley attire can be bad, but this came about as close as you can get. Actually scratch that as it wasn’t so much bad but just short. I have no idea why this wasn’t on Raw or something like that. Tazz would be retired very soon after this due to a horrible neck.

We immediately go to a recap of Regal vs. Edge which is based on Regal using brass knuckles over and over again. Edge got fed up with it and beat up a lot of people with a chair.

Edge has a chair with him tonight to counter the knuckles. Apparently he broke Regal’s nose recently.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

Edge is defending. The referee checks Regal over and over again for knuckles and finds them in his trunks. Well you can’t say he didn’t do his job. The referee stupidly puts them on the ring post instead of like, giving them to someone to take to the back or something. Edge pounds away to start and chokes with his boot in the corner. He goes after Regal’s bad nose as Lawler claims conspiracy.

Regal comes back with a clothesline but Edge kicks him in the back to put both guys down. Being the British dude that he is, Regal suplexes Edge down for two. Make that four. Uh six. Yet somehow that isn’t three. Off to an arm trap chinlock followed by a hard forearm to put the champion down again. A double arm powerbomb hits Edge for two and they head to the apron. Edge busts out a DDT onto said apron, further injuring Regal’s nose.

Back in and they ram heads to put both guys down as the match continues to drag at a slow pace. Edge wins a slugout and takes Regal down with a spinwheel kick and a suplex for two. Regal suplexes him down as well, only for Edge to hit a big old clothesline for two more. The Regal Stretch goes on out of nowhere but Edge reverses into a terrible version of his own to no avail. A top rope spinwheel kick puts Regal down but he finds another set of brass knuckles. Instead of swinging them though, he pulls the referee in the way of Edge’s spear. Regal clocks Edge and wins the title.

Rating: D+. This didn’t click at all. Regal didn’t seem interested in selling at all and Edge wasn’t ready to carry a match by himself yet. He was getting to the point where he could but it would take a summer of feuding with Eddie to get him up to that point. Regal wouldn’t really do anything with the belt other than lose it to RVD. Nothing to see here.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jacqueline is referee for absolutely no apparent reason and Trish is defending. Jazz is basically being a bully and has injured Trish’s hand coming into this. Jazz jumps Trish to start but misses a splash, giving Trish two off a rollup. A modified hot shot slows the champ down again and a legdrop gets two. Jazz works on the bad hand for a bit but Jackie pulls them out of the ropes. Jackie of course makes it all about herself and won’t count a cover on Trish. Stratusfaction hits out of nowhere for two and Jazz is up a few seconds later, basically no selling it. Trish hits a bad looking running bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. It was short, it was sloppy, the ending was stupid and Jackie was in it. What other kind of grade do you expect here? Stratus was starting to get better but it would take another year and Lita before she got amazing. Jazz was a pretty stupid pick to bring over to WWE as no one remembered her and she didn’t have the looks to back up any lack of hype. Bad match here.

Flair says he’ll win.

We recap Vince vs. Flair. Flair debuted after Survivor Series as the new co-owner of the company and has driven Vince crazy since. This led up to a street fight tonight between the two of them tonight which isn’t as big a deal as they were shooting for I don’t think. The highlight of it was Vince dressing up as Flair and saying destroying lives turned him on.

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Remember this is a street fight. Vince shoves him down to start and struts, so Flair punches him down and struts as well. Flair wins a chop battle in the corner (duh) so Vince goes to the eyes to escape. There’s the Flair Flop followed by a Flair Flip in the corner as Vince is in full control. We head to the floor and get our first weapon shot, with Vince pounding on Ric with a metal Keep Off sign.

There’s a trashcan shot to the head and Flair is busted open. How thin must the skin on his forehead be? Anyway, Vince steals a camera from someone to take a picture of Flair’s cut before we head back inside. Since he’s a jerk, Vince starts working over the knee in (less skilled) Flair fashion. The leg is wrapped around the post and Vince puts on a Figure Four that Dusty Rhodes would be jealous of.

Flair turns the hold over and Vince IMMEDIATELY lets go of the hold. So not only is he better at it than some wrestlers, he’s also smart. Never let it be said that Vince doesn’t know what he’s doing. Vince bails to the floor and grabs a lead pipe that he used to bust Flair open in the build up to the match. Flair catches him coming in with a low blow and pounds away on the floor.

Vince takes a monitor shot to the head and in a weird spot, we see a replay on the monitor on the table as the live match goes on. Vince is busted open now and we head back inside. Scratch that as we go back outside immediately where Flair’s family takes pictures of Vince’s cut. Set it up earlier, pay it off later. Good move. Back in and Flair kicks him low again just because he can, cracks him in the head with the pipe and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this match makes as much sense as almost anything you’ll see. Vince controlled at the beginning, but at the end of the day he’s a boss and Flair is a veteran wrestler and athlete. It makes sense for him to be able to shrug that off and destroy Vince with relative ease once he got the upper hand. On top of that we got some good blood and Vince getting hit in the balls so how can this not be entertaining?

Stephanie talks trash about everyone else in the Rumble and runs down Debra as well. Austin walks up and WHAT’s her away. Cole gets a bit of it too. This is when the bit was brand new and still kind of funny, as opposed to now when it ruins almost every serious promo.

No highlight package for the world title match? For those of you not around in 2002 (LUCKY!), Jericho won the title in December, beating Rock along the way. It makes sense for Rock to get the first shot, especially since they feuded over the end of the year.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho still has both titles because HHH wasn’t there to win the first Undisputed Title and get the new belt. Rock decks him immediately and the champ heads to the floor, only to run back in and get punched some more. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post but pulls off a hot shot out of nowhere to give himself a breather. They trade strikes in the corner before Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to Rocky’s arms for two.

A suplex gets two for Jericho and for some reason Rock’s left thumb is sticking out. The champ unhooks a buckle but can’t get the Walls. A missile dropkick gets two on Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes on for a good while so Chris goes up again, only to get crotched and superplexed. A belly to belly suplex gets two for Rock but Jericho clotheslines him down and hits the Lionsault. Due to high reasons of arrogance, Jericho waits forever to cover and fights with the referee after getting two.

Another dropkick attempt by Jericho is caught in a Sharpshooter, but here’s Lance Storm for a distraction while Jericho taps. Christian comes in as well and is promptly punched out by Rock. Jericho hits a Rock Bottom on Rock for two and the frustration begins. The champ loads up a People’s Elbow but Rock nips up and sends Jericho out to the floor.

Both guys are rammed into both announce tables before Jericho’s Rock Bottom attempt is countered into an AWESOME looking Rock Bottom by Rock from one table through the other. That only gets two back inside before Jericho counters another Rock Bottom into the Liontamer (yes I said Liontamer instead of the Walls). Ok now it’s the Walls, which allows Rock to make the rope.

The jumping clothesline takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Jericho to blast Rock with the belt. Another referee slides in and gets two off that and Rock DDTs Jericho down. Rock covers….and Nick Patrick won’t count. There’s a Rock Bottom for his efforts and a People’s Elbow for Jericho but there’s no referee. Rock checks on Hebner, allowing Jericho to hit him low, send him into the Chekov’s Gun in the shape of an exposed turnbuckle. All that plus a rollup with his feet on the ropes is enough for Jericho to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took awhile to get going but once things picked up it turned into what you would expect from Rock vs. Jericho in a nearly 20 minute match. The overbooking worked here as Jericho needed something to boost him up to Rock’s level, which is what you’re supposed to do as a heel. Good stuff here and a very fine title match.

Shawn Michaels, in a really stupid looking Texas flag shirt, is at WWF New York. He picks Taker or Austin to win the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble. The main picks to win are Taker, HHH, Angle and Austin.

Royal Rumble

Rikishi and Goldust are #1 and #2 respectively and we’ve got two minute intervals. Goldie walks around Rikishi to start and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Rikishi knocks him around for a bit but can’t quite drop the big load on Goldie’s chest. A backdrop puts Goldust on the apron and Boss Man is #3, making it 2-1 against Rikishi. Goldust gets punched in the face but Boss Man pounds Rikishi into the corner. The heels explode after a long one minute partnership.

Bradshaw is #4 and hopefully he can pick things up a bit. He beats up everyone as Rikishi loads up the Stinkface on Boss Man. A superkick and a clothesline put Boss Man out and there’s a Samoan Drop to Bradshaw. Goldie pounds away on Bradshaw in the corner and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Lance Storm is #5 and absolutely nothing of note happens until Al Snow (on Tough Enough at this point) is #6. Bradshaw kills Storm with the Clothesline as the fans want Head.

Billy of Billy and Chuck is #7 and we’re still waiting on something to happen. The fans are still into this at least so it’s not a failure at this point. Storm and Snow fight to the apron with Snow superkicking Lance to an elimination. Billy dumps Bradshaw and Undertaker is finally #8 to pick things up a bit. A chokeslam kills Billy (the third in the series, not starring Uma Thurman) and another one puts out Goldust. Snow and Rikishi are dumped out and Billy follows them, leaving Undertaker alone to a big reaction. He’s evil here in case you’re not up on Taker history.

Matt Hardy is #9, which is interesting as Taker injured both Hardys and Lita. The redhead gets in along with Matt and helps him take the big man down via a low blow. Matt hits a Twist of Fate and stomps away but can’t get Taker out. Naturally Jeff Hardy is #10 because that’s how the TOTALLY RANDOM draw works in the Rumble.

Taker slugs down one of the best tag teams ever in just a few seconds, only to get caught in the Twist/Swanton combo. Again, why would you use moves that keep a giant on the mat? Not that it matters as Poetry in Motion is caught and Jeff is easily thrown out. The Last Ride kills Matt and he’s gone too, leaving Taker alone again. The clock during that segment was REALLY long too as they were roughly three minutes each to get the whole segment in.

Maven from Tough Enough is #11 but Lita is on the apron. Taker PUNCHES her down, drawing the Hardys back in. Taker dumps both of them again, but Maven dropkicks Undertaker in the back and eliminates him in arguably the biggest surprise elimination ever in the Rumble. The look on the Dead Man’s face is hilarious as he has absolutely no emotion at all. He calmly turns around, gets back in the ring, and mauls Maven, sending him through the ropes to the floor. A HUGE chair shot cracks Maven’s head and the beating continues until Scotty 2 Hotty is #12.

Taker punches Scotty down and throws Maven back in to eliminate him, which under old Rumble rules would count. The beating goes into the crowd as there’s nothing in the ring at the moment. Christian is #13 but has no one to fight because Scotty is still down. Instead we go to the back where Maven is rammed face first into a popcorn machine. Taker eats a handful of popcorn and finally leaves Maven alone.

Scotty gets in and walks into a DDT as DDP is #14. Nothing of note continues to happen until Scotty superkicks Page through the ropes to the floor and hits the Worm on Christian. Page sneaks back in and throws Scotty out as Chuck is #15. They all beat on each other for a bit with Christian and Chuck teaming up for a bit. Godfather, now the owner of an escort service in an attempt to salvage the gimmick, is #16 and brings out 12 good looking women with him. Page is eliminated off camera during this.

With Godfather in the ring after about 15 seconds due to dancing, Albert is #17. He’s the Hip Hop Hippo at this point and lasts about 45 seconds before being tossed by the villains. Godfather is dumped soon thereafter, and here’s Saturn at #18. Chuck and Perry slug it out as the fans cheer for the Ho’s leaving. Nothing happens again, until Austin is #19. Chuck is the first victim, getting stomped down in the corner. There goes Christian, Saturn gets a Stunner, Chuck is eliminated, Saturn is dumped, Christian gets thrown back in, Stunned and thrown out again, Chuck gets the same as Christian, and Austin takes a breather.

Val Venis is #20 (and also returning) and things go about as you would expect, although Val does get in some offense and survives until Test is #21. A double teaming lasts for a bit until Austin remembers who he’s fighting and dumps both guys in a few seconds. Austin does his watch bit when no one is in the ring with him. Notice the difference between the big stars and the regular guys: the big ones are CONSTANTLY trying to keep the audience entertained instead of letting them die.

Speaking of entertaining the crowd, HHH is #22. The entrance takes about a minute and a half, they stare at each other for about twenty more seconds, and the slugout only lasts for a few seconds until Hurricane is #23. Luckily for him, the legends knock each other down so Hurricane can tries a double chokeslam. The look on Austin’s face is hilarious as the two of them dump Hurricane with ease.

Austin and HHH chop each other in the corner until Faarooqq is #24 and lasts about that many seconds. Mr. Perfect makes a surprise return at #25 to a big surprise reaction from the audience. He looks a bit, shall we say, tipsy here. Perfect chills on the floor a bit as JR makes a mistake, saying Perfect debuted at the Rumble in 1993. In reality he was #4 in 1989. Austin and HHH double team Perfect to no avail so here’s Angle at #26, drawing the rare double chant of YOU SUCK WHAT.

HHH and Angle pair off as do the other two guys and the match slows down a bit. Kurt starts suplexing people but can’t dump HHH because Austin makes the save due to reasons of a big ego. Big Show is #27 in his one piece women’s swimsuit. Angle gets chokeslammed so Austin and HHH double team the big man to limited avail. HHH saves Angle, presumably because he wants Kurt’s help to get Show out. Makes sense I guess.

Show dominates everyone until Kane is #28. HHH gets chokeslammed so we can have our battle of the giants. Jerry: “They’re not getting any smaller are they JR?” Uh yeah Jerry, actually they are. They do the double chokeslam spot but Kane kicks Show low and picks him up, slamming him to the floor. AWESOME display of strength there, but Angle immediately dumps Kane to get us back down to four.

Van Dam is #29 and hits a Five Star on Angle who is down from something we didn’t see. Everyone but HHH gets kicked down so he hits a Pedigree to put Van Dam down. Booker T is #30, giving us a final group of Booker, RVD, Angle, Perfect, HHH and Austin. Booker throws out RVD without having to do anything else thanks to the Pedigree. We get a Spinarooni, followed by a Stunner and elimination to get us down to Austin, Angle, HHH and Perfect.

Austin hits a slingshot into the post on HHH who walks into an Angle Slam. Angle rolls some Germans on Austin and the C/Kurts try to dump Austin. Austin hits some HARD right hands to break that up but as he tries to dump Perfect, Angle runs up and dumps the Rattlesnake. Austin pulls Perfect to the floor but Kurt sends Austin into the steps to break it up. Steve still isn’t done as he comes back in with a chair for all three guys. Eh he’s Austin so he can get away with it.

Angle accidentally clothesline Hennig but doesn’t eliminate him. There’s the PerfectPlex (BIG pop for that) to Kurt but HHH dumps Perfect a second later. Angle and HHH stare each other down and the Game pounds away on him to take over. Kurt gets HHH to the apron but can’t get the win. HHH chokes away but charges into a backdrop, sending him to the apron. Kurt makes the classic mistake of not making sure the other guy is out and gets clotheslined to the floor, giving HHH the Rumble. For you trivia guys, this is the longest Rumble ever to date, even going 11 seconds longer than the 40 man version.

Rating: C+. This has some very bad spots in it but the rest of the stuff is solid all around. Once Austin gets in there things pick up a lot, but the 18 guys before him don’t do much. Taker’s elimination came too fast which hurt things here, as there was no one of note from #9 until Austin at #19. Still though, the good stuff here was good enough to check this out, but you might want to fast forward some parts of it.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good but certainly not great show. 2002 was a bad year for the company on Raw and things were clearly starting to look weak here. The main problem was the lack of elevation of anyone new to the main event in the year, as the main events for almost every PPV were people who had been there before. There’s nothing on here that’s required viewing but there’s also nothing terrible on here either. Check it out but don’t expect to be blown away.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Billy and Chuck

Original: C-

Redo: D+

William Regal vs. Edge

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. The Rock

Original: B+

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Yep, about the same for the most part here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/21/royal-rumble-count-up-2002-game-on/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6