WCW Hardcore Collection
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Stevie Ray

Now this is just screaming BAD IDEA. Like everything else they stole from the WWF, WCW had a hardcore division and believe it or not, it was a mess. Most of it was built around comedy and while it had some moments, it mostly missed the point of being comic relief. I’m almost scared to know what they have in mind here but let’s get to it.

From Spring Stampede 1999.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hak

Hak is better known as Sandman from ECW. They brawl in the aisle before the bell to start fast and Hak pulls out a table from underneath a wagon (because WCW had some AMAZING pay per view sets). A Swanton off the wagon sends Bigelow through the table as Hak’s manager Chastity is pulling out weapons. Bigelow comes back by ramming Hak into the laundry cart he used to bring the weapons to the ring.

A crutch to the back and face rock Hak and they go inside, where Hak blasts him with a trashcan. Bigelow hits him in the head with a cookie sheet, with Schiavone saying he doesn’t think it hurts as much as some other things. A broom to the back keeps Hak in trouble and lets commentary talk about curling. Bigelow hits him with a salad bowl but Hak tries a suplex, only to hurt his own knee.

Therefore, the best solution is to bring in a ladder. Hak puts it on Bigelow’s back and of course drops a Swanton, followed by a bulldog onto said ladder. A table is set up at ringside and Hak climbs the ladder, naturally being sent through the table for a massive crash. Back in and Hak is sent into the ladder, followed by crotching himself on a piece of barricade.

Chastity comes in with a fire extinguisher…but it doesn’t work, only for Bigelow to spray her instead. Hak hits him in the back with the kendo stick and grabs a White Russian legsweep. Instead of covering, they go up, with Bigelow hitting Greetings From Asbury Park through a table for the pin at 11:35.

Rating: C. Not the most thrilling start to the set but it shows you what can go wrong when you just let people hit each other with weapons. There was really nothing that made this stand out and it was little more than two guys doing stuff until one of them won. In other words, this was just trying to tap into the ECW style without looking at why it worked.

From Thunder, April 7, 1999 (four days before Spring Stampede).

Hak vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Whipwreck starts with some armdrags and Hak bails to the floor for an early breather. Back in and they go to the mat for some grappling with Hak getting the better of things. Hak sends him outside for an eye rake from Chastity. Whipwreck sends him into the barricade and a Russian legsweep sends Hak into the barricade. Back in and Whipwreck hits a top rope clothesline for two and we take a break.

We come back with Hak whipping him into the barricade and then draping Whipwreck over said barricade. A legdrop off the apron hits Whipwreck again but he’s back with a slingshot Fameasser to cut Hak off back inside. Whipwreck puts a chair in front of Hak’s face in the Tree Of Woe for a running dropkick.

A twisting middle rope dive only hits chair though and Hak drapes him over the top. There’s the top rope legdrop to the back, followed by a slingshot legdrop onto a chair onto Whipwreck. Chastity throws in a kendo stick but Whipwreck intercepts it and hammers away. That’s cut off though and a White Russian legsweep finishes for Hak at 8:00.

Rating: C. Whipwreck was trying here but there is only so much you can do when there is no reason to care about either of these two. At the end of the day, this just feels lifeless and that’s one of the worst things that can happen on any wrestling show. Nothing to see here, even with Whipwreck being a bit of a change of pace.

Post match Bam Bam Bigelow comes out with the Greetings From Asbury Park on Hak. Bigelow says he’ll see Hak at Spring Stampede, because this collection is oddly constructed.

From Slamboree 1999.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs throws the weapons in to start, including a pizza pan to the head. Some trashcan shots to the head seem to wake Bigelow up, as he kicks the trashcan into Knobbs’ face. Something close to a Big Ending gives Bigelow a delayed two and a Swan Dive gets the same. Commentary gets in a weird argument with Tenay’s microphone being cut off, with Knobbs coming back with a chair shot.

They go outside, with Knobbs being sent into the steps and Bigelow blasts him the dreaded pizza pan. Some trashcan lids to the head (ala cymbals) crush Knobbs’ head but he sends Bigelow into a laundry cart. Knobbs’ charge crashes into said cart, only to come back with some more trashcan shots.

The fight heads back up to the set, with Knobbs crashing into the WCW.com location. They find a merchandise stand which is only there for the sake of the fight and then go backstage, where Knobbs finds a ladder. It’s back to the merchandise stand, where Knobbs…I think misses an elbow off the balcony. Bigelow suplexes him through a table for the win at 11:31. Heenan: “And they do this for a living!”

Rating: C+. Now we’re getting somewhere, as this stopped being the “I hit you, you hit me” style and started to get more fun. One of the keys to this kind of match being entertaining is to go somewhere or to use something out of the ordinary and we hadn’t see that in the first few matches. It’s still only so good, but this was a step in the right direction.

From Monday Nitro, June 7, 1999.

La Parka/Silver King vs. Ciclope/Damien

Mexican Death Match so Parka chairs Ciclope while the music is still playing. King chairs Damien and they’re just going straight to the weapons. King gets knocked down and Parka is sent face first into a trashcan in the corner. Ciclope (the Great Pumpkin according to Schiavone) puts a trashcan over Parka so Damien can kick him, followed by a backdrop to the floor.

A baseball slide sends a chair into Parka’s face but he grabs the chair and BLASTS a diving Ciclope out of the air (that looked GREAT). That lets Parka do his chair dance but Damien dropkicks him down, only for King to dropkick Damien down. King tries a dive, which Damien cuts off by tossing a chair up to knock him out of the air. Heenan: “OH IS THIS GREAT!”

Damien is put in a chair and Parka hits a big suicide dive to crush him again. Back in and King throws a trashcan over the top and onto Ciclope, setting up an Asai moonsault onto all three of them. More weapons are brought in and commentary is getting more and more into this. Back in and Parka loads up a chair and then pulls Damien off the top, sending him face first into said chair for two. Parka takes Damien up top but gets hit with a trashcan lid, which goes flying out of Ciclope’s hand, with Schiavone having to make the cage.

Ciclope gets backdropped to the floor before fighting on the apron with King. That’s fine with King, who grabs a tornado DDT through a table. That leaves Parka to reverse Damien’s super hurricanrana into a superbomb through a table…for two. Schiavone: “HE KICKED OUT OF BEING POWERBOMBED!!!” Heenan: “WHY???” Parka powerbombs Damien onto two open chairs (THUD) for the pin at 7:15.

Rating: B+. As soon as I saw this compilation, I was hoping they would include this one. This match stood out when I saw it airing live and when I went back to watch the show twenty plus years later. This was four guys who were pretty much never going to get another chance going out there and leaving everything they had in the ring. They beat the living daylights out of each other and I got pulled into it all over again, with commentary having a blast in their own right. This was easily one of the biggest surprises in WCW history and it definitely holds up.

From Bash At The Beach 1999 (oh I knew this one would be on there).

Junkyard Invitational

So this is one of WCW’s brilliant ideas: having about fifteen people (we never get a list of names) fight IN A REAL JUNKYARD. AT NIGHT! There’s a camera in a helicopter and some handheld cameras but other than that, it’s just a wild setup so don’t expect anything in the way of play by play. The brawl starts and Public Enemy turns a car over and Jerry Flynn plugs a cable into an engine to shoot some sparks.

This lets commentary explain that you win by being the first person to get over a fence. Knobbs and King fight on a car as Heenan says we can’t really call this. Some people (we can’t see them) hit each other with bumpers as we see Finlay, Hugh Morrus, William Regal (who said that he hid in cars, did a few spots, and then hid again to avoid getting hurt, because he’s smart). Hak (who challenged people to the match) is on a car and throwing punches as one of the cameras starts glitching.

Morrus misses an elbow from one car onto another as Jimmy Hart is standing nearby in a helmet (Schiavone: “We have a Jimmy Hart shining.”) and Finlay hits Knobbs with a trashcan. Rock is sent through the window of a van, leaving Morrus to drop the same elbow he tried a moment ago but this time it hits. Someone (Schiavone: “Who was that that was airborne?” Heenan: “Who knows? Who cares?”) dives onto a big pile and Rock is sent through a windshield.

Heenan goes into a funny bit about selling cars as the people just start throwing things at each other. We see Mikey Whipwreck for the first time about eight minutes in as Morrus misses a charge into a window. Finlay uses a trashcan lid to block a punch and then Dave Taylor gets a tire wrapped around him.

Rock and Horace FINALLY go over to the fence, with Horace cutting off an escape attempt. Now it’s time to go back to the brawling and we go to a helicopter shot just in case you were getting an idea of what was going on. Taylor dances out of the tire and Hak staggers over to a car. Finlay is put into the trunk (Heenan: “This is not 75 in Atlanta!”) and here’s a forklift to send that car to the crusher. Finlay gets out of the trunk and the car is destroyed, with the forklift not being seen again (as it wasn’t seen before either). Finlay turns a barrel of fire over and climbs out as a well timed explosion gives him cover at 12:58.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling, but rather one of those all time “WHY DID THEY DO THIS” moments. There were no entrances, there was no structure to the whole thing, there were all kinds of injuries (including Finlay), it didn’t really help anyone and (possibly) above all else, you couldn’t even see what was going on. This was one of those things where they needed someone to stop and ask why they were doing this and then realize there was no reason to, because it was a disaster.

From Thunder, May 31, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido

Funk is defending and chairs Candido on the ramp to start fast. They fight to the back and let’s look at commentary (Schiavone: “We are on camera!”) as a camera isn’t ready. We pick things up in the back with Funk knocking him into the back of a truck…and driving away. The referee gives chase (that man deserves a raise) as it’s back to commentary as they’re not sure what is going on.

We pick up the shot with the truck driving along (I’m assuming later in the show) and let’s go to a stable. Candido hits him with a trashcan and Schiavone can’t believe we’re seeing horses. And of course there’s a table, which commentary finds rather amusing. Funk is sent into some bales of hay and then into a water trough, and then into some manure. A horse stall door to the head staggers (well staggers even more) Funk so he sends Candido into a wall. The horse is NOT happy with this and gets even angrier when Funk piledrives Candido.

The horse seems to kick Candido in the arm and comes THIS CLOSE to kicking Funk in the head (which would have possibly killed him, so yes Funk does in fact threaten the horse). They go back outside, where Candido kicks him low and puts him on the table, then climbs the stall. Funk uses a rope to pull him through said table…and trashcans the referee in the head. Funk covers Candido, but has to pour water on the referee so he can make the count at 5:30 shown.

Rating: B. This was a blast and one of the most entertaining things I’ve seen in a good while. Terry Funk is an absolute treasure as he can make anything work, including teasing getting in a fight with a horse. Something tells me this was almost all Funk’s idea and they just let the two of them do whatever, which made for a hilarious match as Funk got to have fun.

From Monday Nitro, August 14, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Carl Ouellet vs. Norman Smiley

Smiley is challenging and we had to get to his era sooner or later. Ouellet (better known as PCO) hammers away to start and it’s time to head outside, as the weapons are waiting on them. It’s already time for a table but Smiley tries to fight back. That earns him a big running flip dive over the top and they head back inside. Smiley hits him low with a broomstick but Ouellet runs him over with a trashcan.

The table is set up in the corner but Smiley manages a quick clothesline. The spinning slam sets up the Big Wiggle (Madden: “Maybe Norman’s a big more hardcore than we thought.”), which is broken up, allowing Ouellet to hit a low blow. A sitout Rock Bottom plants Smiley again and Ouellet puts him on the table…but the Cannonball misses, allowing Smiley to fall on top for the pin and the title at 5:56.

Rating: C. It’s pretty much a nothing match, but Smiley was a huge part of the division and you had to include him in there somehow. This was leaning more into the comedy, as Smiley basically won the match by mistake. It’s a big departure from what’s been going on but in this case, that’s fine enough.

From Monday Nitro, October 30, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Kwee Wee

Reno is defending and gets jumped from behind with a trashcan lid. A sunset flip off the barricade gives Wee two but Reno fights back without much trouble. Naturally the fans want tables because that’s all they ever want. A pink trashcan to the back puts Wee down again and Reno hits a kendo stick shot off the apron.

Wee manages to send him into the barricade and then does it again to take Reno down again. What looks like a stickball bat is used to choke Reno up the ramp but here are the Natural Born Thrillers to cut Wee off. The Thrillers do their awesome toss to send Wee from the floor and over the top, setting up Roll The Dice to retain the title at 5:19.

Rating: C-. I’m assuming this was just in there for the Thrillers’ toss, which was awesome but didn’t have much to do with the match. This was a pretty weak entry, but the company was all but dead so there were only so many positives to be found. That wasn’t the case here and it was just kind of a quick and unimportant match.

From Sin.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Crowbar vs. Meng

Funk is defending and Crowbar (who idolizes Funk) attacks him with a chair to take things to the back. The fight heads into a restroom and a woman screaming can be heard. Funk hits him in the head with a trashcan (including trash) as Meng is still on his way from the ring to the backstage area. Funk sends Crowbar into a stall as Daphne screams a lot (ah that makes sense) as Meng shows up to hit Funk with a mop bucket.

Some trashcan shots knock Funk back into the arena but Crowbar is back up to hit Meng with a fire extinguisher. Funk tosses the trashcan into Meng’s face and the other two ram Meng’s face into a metal wall. Naturally Meng shrugs that off and gives them a double noggin knocker. With that not working, Crowbar and Funk fight back and slam a bunch of chairs onto Meng for two.

Back up and Crowbar sprays Funk with a fire extinguisher before hitting him with a laptop. Funk is put onto a table and Crowbar goes into a balcony for a big legdrop, knocking both of them out. Meng is back with a low blow to Crowbar but he’s able to slug back anyway. Funk is back up with a snow shovel to the head (and Meng crumples down) and it’s time for a piece of the barricade.

Funk slams Crowbar through the barricade, with Crowbar’s leg being stuck between the rungs. Thankfully Crowbar gets up and fights back with the chair before Pillmanizing Funk’s leg. Funk is right back up to punch away until Crowbar dropkicks the leg out. Meng is back in as Crowbar grabs a Figure Four on Funk. That’s broken up with a heck of a top rope splash from Meng to Crowbar, followed by a piledriver…but Funk breaks up the cover. Because of course he does.

Meng’s middle rope splash gets two as Crowbar uses the chair for the save. Crowbar and Funk unload with chair shots to Meng’s head (assuming they can get that far past the hair) before Crowbar chairs Funk in the head. Meng pops back up and superkicks a chair into Crowbar’s head. Meng’s Tongan Death Grip finishes Funk for the title, which Meng then took to the WWF when he left a week later because WCW gave him the title without having him signed to a contract.

Rating: B. That shovel shot alone was worth a look as Meng just went down in an awesome visual. What made this work was three guys having a good time in a fight, as Crowbar and Funk were trying (and failing) to stop the monster. It’s way too later to matter, but I can appreciate people trying when they are given the chance. Crowbar was giving it his everything here and Funk was his usual self, which made for a good show.

Overall Rating: B-. This started very slowly and then turned into a lot of fun. The key was figuring out that hardcore was basically a glorified joke and then it got fun in a hurry. Stuff like Hak and Knobbs just hitting each other with weapons gets old fast, but Funk beating up Candido in a stable was entertaining and different. WCW’s hardcore division wasn’t great most of the time, but the best of it was very good.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break: Clusterf*** Forever 2025
Date: April 19, 2025
Location: Palms Casino Resort, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Jordan Castle, Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

And then we have this thing, which is going to be complete insanity and that is entirely by design. The show’s namesake match is going to be a huge battle royal with people running all over the place and pretty much no semblance of order. That makes for one of the most entertaining matches you will see all year and they know exactly what they’re doing. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We get an opening video set to I’m So Excited in a pretty awesome troll jab at AEW.

Doug Gentry Memorial Scramble Cage Match

Gringo Loco, Ciclope, Facade, Jimmy Lloyd, Man Like DeReiss, Marcus Mathers, Mike D. Vecchio, Ninja Mack, Sidney Akeem

One fall to a finish and everyone is in the cage (which has weapons, plus platforms on the top for the purpose of diving) the whole time. Gentry is apparently someone who worked backstage in the early days of Ring Of Honor and is getting a match named in his honor. Akeem dives off one of the platforms to start and gets speared through a door by Vecchio for his efforts.

Mack goes up with a kendo stick but has to pull Lloyd and Mathers down with a Tower Of Doom. Various Canadian Destroyers ensue before Vecchio sends various people into the cage. One heck of a helicopter bomb plants Akeem for two and DeReiss superplexes Vecchio off one of the platforms. Facade one ups them by walking the cage for a big dive of his own. Mathers ties Facade in the Tree Of Woe for some chair shots but Lloyd is up with a bunch of chair throws.

Mack and Akeem have their big showdown but stop to beat up Loco and Mathers instead. Ciclope is up with a double spear but gets clotheslined by Lloyd. DeReiss and Mathers hit 450s (after arguing over whose would be better) before Vecchio hits a shooting star off the platform for the big wipe out. A masked man comes into the cage and cleans some house before revealing himself as Miedo Extremo, Ciclope’s former partner.

Miedo sends Ciclope off the platform and through a barbed wire net and some doors at ringside. Back in and a door is bridged over two chairs as Ciclope is carried out. Another door is bridged over the first as Vecchio and Loco climb to the platform. Loco powerbombs Vecchino through said doors and gets the pin for the win at 11:33.

Rating: C+. There were nine people in the cage for most of the match and, as has been proven in various other promotions over the years, that isn’t going to work. There are too many people in there to do anything other than big spots and while those were entertaining, it only went so far. The big spot at the end was fun though and this could have been worse.

The cage has to be taken down so we look at Jordan Oliver returning last night at Spring Break to team with Alec Price to win the Tag Team Titles.

We look at Atticus Cogar defeating Fuego del Sol, winning Fuego’s match and seemingly ending his career. That was way better than I would have expected.

Next recap is the main event of Spring Break, with Sabu defeating Joey Janela in Sabu’s retirement match.

Long upcoming events rundown.

We look at The People vs. GCW in January.

We look at Tournament Of Survival 9.

We look at GCW in Kouraken Hall as I wonder how long it takes to get that cage down.

We look at Josh Barnett’s Bloodsport 12 in November.

We look at a show in Hawaii in November.

We look at the Wrld On Lucha from…sometime.

And now, we Cluster****.

2025 Cluster****

It’s a Royal Rumble with random intervals, pinfall, submission, leaving the arena or death for eliminations (yeah this whole thing is supposed to be a total mess so don’t bother keeping track of the rules). The Up Up Girls (the TJPW singers, all three of them) are in at #1, #2 and #3 and do their song but Kerry Morton interrupts at #4 and calls the song stupid (with some additional expletives). He’s going to throw them out and show them what it’s like to be with a real American man, complete with hip thrusts. Morton insists on being introduced again and he’s #2.

The Girls beat him up, including a pillow to the head (Prazak wants to borrow it) and Morton is out. Morton freaks out and leaves so we get an encore song. B3cca, a pop singer, is in at #3 and sings about her attractiveness. Then she tries to sing with the Up Up Girls but kicks them down. Another dance takes too long though and the fight is on, with B3cca missing a high crossbody. Zayda Steele in at #3 and begs off from the Girls as Swipe Right and Jackson Drake are in at #4.

The distraction lets Steele and B3cca eliminate the Up Up Girls. Steele Unprettiers B3cca for the elimination and Steven Crow (a cowboy in pink) is in at #5. Swipe Right jumps him for the elimination and it’s MBM and his Friend (a masked man) in at #6. They want to make peace until the Friend full nelsons Steele. MBM tries to kiss her but kisses the Friend by mistake and they’re easily tossed.

The Warlord (yes that Warlord) is in at #7 and everyone in Swipe Right and Drake (just make him an official member already) runs off, with Steele bailing without being eliminated. Shreddy is in at #8 (he’s in great shape and likes to brag about going to Japan) and can’t knock Warlord down. Instead he asks for a test of strength as Tombstone Jesus (ok then) is in at #9. Warlord tosses Shreddy and goes after Tombstone but Steele comes in to try her luck. This goes as well as you would expect but they manage to toss Warlord. Steele slaps Tombstone for some reason…and low bridges him out.

Human Tornado (there’s a name from the past) is in at #10 and dances a bit so Steele goes after him. That earns her some dancing stomps in the corner and Nate Webb (with his arm in a sling) is in at #11, giving us Teenage Dirtbag for the crowd participation. The dancing stomps continue (going close to two minutes now) as Webb goes through the crowd for the singing. Then Yoshihiko is in at #12 and the fans go nuts as expected. A high crossbody gets two on Tornado, who sends Yoshihiko into the corner, where Steele chokes away. Santana (and Blanket) Jackson are in at #13, because we need a Michael Jackson impersonator.

Webb gets in the ring and a three way test of strength is teased, with Webb’s arm injury leading to his elimination. Jackson tosses Tornado and we get a showdown between Yoshihiko and Blanket (a stuffed baby)….and Snitsky is in at #14 (Veda Scott: “NO! NO! NO!”). The fans want Snitsky to kick the baby (Prazak: “What is this, South Park”?) but he chokeslams Jackson instead. Snitsky grabs Jackson’s hat and sunglasses instead, makes the out cold Jackson dance, and then tosses him.

Yoshihiko gets eliminated, leaving Snitsky alone with Blanket (and Steele, who is on the floor). Snitsky picks up Blanket and asks the crowd where he should punt, with a fan catching Blanket for the elimination. Then Snitsky leaves the building, leaving Steele alone in the ring as Tara Zep is in at #15. They brawl out to the floor (both still in) and then go back inside with an Unprettier giving Steele the elimination. Kidd Bandit is in at #16 and wastes no time in kicking Steele in the head for the elimination.

Unagi Sayaka is in at #17 and Bandit kicks her to the apron, where Sayaka pulls out a big band. They fight over it until it snaps into Bandit’s face to knock her down as Jai Vidal is in at #18. Sayaka gets slapped down and rolls out to the floor, and Ashley Vox is in at #19. That goes nowhere so Vipress is in at #20 as the entrances are starting to come faster. Viva Van is in at #21 and trades some forearms until Sonny Kiss is in at #22.

Van is sent to the apron but slingshots back in for a spinwheel kick. Parrow is in at #23 and Vidal immediately joins his team (assuming a team exists). Vipress gets in Parrow’s face and is tossed out, as is Van. There goes Kiss and Sayaka is allowed to eliminate herself to avoid pain. Vidal is tossed and we’re down to Vox and Parrow. Vow says they both just got married (not to each other) so he can’t eliminate her. They try the Dirty Dancing lift…and Parrow tosses her. Bodhi Young Prodigy is in at #24 as commentary wonders if Blanket died earlier.

Bodhi chops away to no effect and gets tossed just as fast. Channing Decker is in at #25 and decks Vox and Vidal on the way out. Parrow: “THAT WAS A LITTLE F****** MUCH!” A fall away slam drops Decker and he’s out. Sonico is in at #26 and it’s his birthday. Parrow takes his chair away and hammers him down for the elimination. Randy Myers (he’s weird) is in at #27 and goes to the throat before twisting Parrow’s nipples. An over the shoulder piledriver gives Parrow the pin and he’s alone again.

CPA is in at #28 and takes off his button down shirt to reveal an identical shirt. A drop toehold sets up the 1099 and Parrow pulls off the tie. Dustin Thomas (he doesn’t have legs) is in at #29. A drunk Kidd Bandit is apparently still in and some triple teaming staggers Parrow, who is eliminated by the trio. Sleepy Ed is in at #30 and brings out a bed for a nap on the stage. Everyone gets quiet in a nice moment until Jeffrey John is in at #31. John comes in with a top rope cutter to CPA (on his fourth shirt) as the drunk Bandit falls down.

Rhys Maddox is in at #32 and doesn’t do much until THE MEXICOOLS (Juventud Guerrera, Super Crazy and Microman, the latter with bubble mower) are in at #33. The Juvy Driver eliminates Maddox, Crazy pins CPA and another Juvy Driver gets rid of John. That leaves us with (I think) Guerrera, Crazy, Microman, Thomas and the drunk Bandit (on the floor). We get a bizarre Microman vs. Thomas showdown and a 619 hits Thomas. He’s right back with an ankle lock to Microman as Team Juggalo Championship Wrestling (about 7 people) are in at #34.

Crazy gets tickled with a rubber chicken and a double team is enough to pin him. The new Backseat Boyz get rid of Guerrera and Bandit follows him out. Microman realizes he’s in trouble and tries to slug away but gets tossed out. So Team JCW is all alone (technically with Sleepy Ed) and it’s New Roy (formerly known as Nasty Leroy but now inspired by New Jack) in at #35.

Some trashcan lid shots do a bit of damage but he gets caught with a low blow. The beating is on, including the clowns (there are clowns) popping balloons off his head. Roy gets pinned and Team GCW (another 6 or 7 people) are in at #36 to mostly even it up and the fight is on. The brawl heads to the floor and I’m not going to try to tell who is in and who isn’t, partially because I have no idea who some of these people are. The blood is flowing and some people go into the crowd as the weapons (including a barbed wire board) are pulled out. Veda Scott: “We bring this on ourselves.”

The clowns powerbomb Dr. Redacted through the barbed wire board and 2 Tuff Tony lights his fist on fire to punch John Wayne Murdoch. Redacted gets a trashcan and puts it on himself for the big dive onto the pile. Just about everyone brawls to the back and they’re all out so the ring is empty, with Sleepy Ed on the stage. The arena goes quiet and we have something of a lullaby playing…and the Invisible Man is in at #37. He takes Ed into the ring and tosses him out before Dan Barry is in at #38.

Barry works on the arm but gets reversed into a wristlock. That’s reversed into a headlock but some headscissors take Barry down. They run the ropes and miss some clotheslines before trading armdrags for a standoff. Respect is shown before Barry gets in a cheap shot (and flips off the crowd) but Man’s DDT gets two. Barry is sent to the apron and gets crotched on top, where it’s a superplex for the elimination. Frank The Clown is in at #39 and doesn’t think much of the Invisible Man.

Apparently Man starts a F*** THAT CLOWN chant but Frank insists he is NOT a Mark A** B****! Frank charges in and gets dropped for the fast pin. Dan The Dad is in at #40 but Man won’t shake his hand. They won’t hug either and Man knocks the cup off coffee out of his hand. Dan blocks a right hand and gives him a spanking for rudeness before taking off his belt. The whip is blocked and Dan gets rolled up for the pin. Cheeseburger is in at #41 and they slug it out. A superkick is blocked and Cheeseburger gets pulled into a Figure Four for the tap.

Jack Cartwheel is in at #42 and they trade cartwheels until Cartwheel cartwheels away. A Death Valley Driver sets up a shooting star press to raised knees. Cartwheel is knocked out and Tommy Invincible is in at #43. They take turns grappling and neither can get very far as Harlan Abbott is in at #44. Abbott and Invincible slug it out until Abbott shifts over to the Man. A Jay Driller plants Man and Manny Lemons is in at #45.

Abbott and Lemons knock each other down and it’s GCW World Champion Effy in at #46. Effy fires off some running shots into the corner to all three (save for Invincible, still on the floor) and knocks Lemons out. Abbott hits a Jay Driller on Effy but gets reversed into a rollup for the pin. Invincible is back in but the Man hits Effy low and tosses him out. Invincible plants the Man though and gets the pin, leaving him alone for a bit. JGeorge (he makes movies) and Lady Killjoy are in at #47, with Invincible taking him down for a YOU CAN’T HURT ME Five Knuckle Shuffle.

Megan Bayne is in at #48 and gives JGeorge Fate’s Descent onto Killjoy for the double pin. Invincible gets back inside and Bayne hits Fate’s Descent to get rid of him. Frankie B is in at #49 and another Fate’s Descent is good for another elimination. Brittnie Brooks is in at #50 and avoids a splash in the corner. Not that it matters as Bayne hits a tombstone for the elimination. Leina Kross, a tall powerhouse in her own right, is in at #51.

They forearm it out and trade running shots to the face, followed by an exchange of German suplexes. Sam Holloway is in at #52 and gives the two of them a double chokeslam. Bayne and Kross roll outside (not eliminated) and it’s 1 Called Manders in at #53. They slap it out and Holloway is clotheslined out without much trouble. Thomas Shire, Manders’ tag partner, is in at #54 so they hug before trading forearms. Shire manages to get him into a torture rack but Manders slips out and gets the elimination.

Action Mike Jackson (75 years old) is in at #55 and after a handshake, it’s Old School to Manders. Masha Slamovich is in at #56 and Jackson takes both her and Manders over at once. Manders tosses Jackson but Kross is back in to snap Slamovich with a German suplex. Back in and Slamovich kicks Kross out for the elimination and Alec Price is in at #57. Price hits a top rope seated senton on Manders and a tornado DDT to Slamovich. Paul London, now a lounge singer, is in at #58 and suplexes Price.

Starboy Charlie is in at #58 and goes mirror images with London. That’s broken up and the Bob Squad (about 6 people) are in at #59. Hold on though as some of them realize that one of the members isn’t from Atlanta, meaning they turn on each other. Two of them members get confused and dive over the top to eliminate themselves. Bobby Flacco, the team’s leader, is eliminated and Manders tosses the rest of the Squad and is left alone in the ring, with a bunch of people on the floor.

Man Like DeReiss is in at #60 and runs the ropes with Charlie while still rapping his entrance. He even eliminates Charlie with a big boot and stops for a staredown with Slamovich. Then DeReiss requests a Stinkface but makes the mistake of covering his face, allowing London to do it instead. DeReiss realizes what happens and goes to the floor, leaving Slamovich to toss London. Price gets back inside and they trade rollups for two each, only for Price to roll Slamovich up again for the pin.

Manders is back in and, after shrugging off a Blockbuster, lariats Price out. Bayne gets back in for a weird showdown and hits a running clothesline to get rid of Manders. DeReiss is back in and sends Bayne into the corner but Joey Janela is in at #61 to cut off a Stinkface. Bayne and Janela beat up DeReiss, including a Doomsday Device for two. Cue Chris Bey who says he isn’t in the match…but Brodie Lee Jr. (AEW’s Negative One) is in at #62 to complete the field.

Lee superkicks Bayne (in the arm) and poses a bit as we seem to be down to four. Bayne Falcon Arrows DeReiss for the elimination so Janela and Bayne go after Lee. Janela’s chair shot hits Bayne by mistake though and he accidentally eliminates her. Lee rolls Janela up for two but he pulls Janela into an ankle lock. That’s broken up and a Death Valley Driver gives Janela two. Lee nips up and hits a clothesline into a Stunner to eliminate Janela and win at 2:19:47.

Rating: B. This is the definition of “you’re not supposed to take this seriously” and that’s what happened. A 13 year old won the match, which also involved the Invisible Man going on a run, a pop trio singing and a stuffed baby being punted into the crowd. This match is not going to be for everyone, but if you want to just unwind and embrace the insanity/silliness that is professional wrestling, it doesn’t get much more fun than this right here.

Overall Rating: B-. As you can probably tell, the whole thing is about the Cluster and that was about as entertaining as it could have been. I had a good time with the show and it’s the perfect way to wrap up the big wrestling weekend. Just have fun, enjoy how insane it is, and go from there. It’s not for everyone, but I had a blast with a lot of this and I can imagine people getting together and wondering who could possibly be next.

Results
Gringo Loco won the Doug Gentry Memorial Scramble Cage Match
Brody Lee Jr. won the Cluster**** last eliminating Joey Janela

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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I’m getting some Nitro reviews done in advance (the things I do for you people) and ran across this match.  I barely remember it and watching it again made me scream at my computer.  The participants are going to surprise you.

 

 

Ciclope/Damien vs. La Parka/Silver King

Bischoff is off commentary. This is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. It’s a brawl to start with Silver King kicking a chair into Damien’s face. Ciclope nails King with a trashcan and whips La Parka into it for good measure. There’s another can brought in and wrapped around La Parka’s head for Poetry In Motion from Damien. La Parka bails to the floor but gets caught with a baseball slide with a chair to knock him silly. Not that it matters as he picks up a chair and nails a diving Ciclope in the head with the same chair in an awesome visual.

Damien dropkicks La Parka off the chair and goes outside, only to have to throw the chair at a diving Silver King. La Parka puts Damien in the chair and takes him down with another suicide dive before Silver King throws a trashcan out of the ring and over Ciclope’s head. He follows it up with an Asai Moonsault to take everyone out in a cool spot. Damien takes La Parka back inside and takes a chair to the head followed by a trashcan lid for a bonus.

La Parka sets up a chair and tries a superplex on Damien, but has to settle for just throwing him face first onto the chair for two. Ciclope NAILS La Parka with a trashcan lid to break up a top rope hurricanrana attempt, swinging so hard that it flies to the announcers’ table and into Schiavone’s hands.

Ciclope gets backdropped to the floor as Damien is setting up a table. It doesn’t last long though as Silver King tornado DDTs Ciclope through the table for another big crash. Damien’s middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb through another table for two. Tony: “He kicked out!” Heenan: “WHY???” La Parka sets up two chairs and powerbombs Damien onto them (with the chairs not giving an inch) for the pin.

Rating: B. WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THIS COME FROM??? This was an outstanding brawl with all four guys hitting each other as hard as they could for some awesome bumps and spots. It’s a seven minute match that had me wanting to see more, even though I’m not a fan of most of the guys involved. I have no idea where this came from or why it wasn’t done more often, but it’s worth checking out. Really good stuff.