Monday Night Raw
Date: April 30, 2007
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are officially done with Backlash and that means it is time to start getting ready for Judgment Day. The show is in less than three weeks so it it probably going to feature a lot of rematches/fallout from the rematch/fallout show. That might not be the best thing in the world but WWE has been on a roll as of late. Let’s get to it.

Here is Backlash if you need a recap.

John Cena, with his title, runs into Vince McMahon, the new ECW World Champion. Vince: “What up Holmes? Peace out! The champ is here!” Cena thinks that unless ECW stands for Extremely Crazy White Guy, all he is seeing is an old guy in a durag. Shawn Michaels comes in to say Cena got lucky last night and wants one more shot. Cena is down but Vince says not so fast, because he makes the matches around here. Let’s do it one more time, but Shawn has to win a match to get a shot at Cena. Then the winner can come for the big one. Vince: “Peace out my brothers!” Cena: “Yeah he’s lost it.” He’ll see Shawn later.

Opening sequence.

Edge vs. Randy Orton

Edge slaps him in the face to start and the chase is on around the ring. Back in and Orton pokes him in the eye (denying it of course) and the circle stomp is on. A knee drop gets two and it’s time to hammer on Edge’s head. Orton chokes on the middle rope and then snaps the neck across the rope to make it worse.

We take a break and come back with Orton being sent shoulder first into the post to give Edge a breather. A spear drives Orton off the apron and into the announcers’ table for the big crash. With commentary taking a bit to come back, Edge only gets two inside. Edge’s jumping knee gets two and the chinlock goes on. That’s broken up so Edge drops him with a spinwheel kick, only to get crotched on top. Edge shoves him down but dives into a dropkick to leave them both down for a bit.

The slugout goes to Edge thanks to a thumb to the eye but Orton grabs a backbreaker for two. The powerslam gets the same so Edge snaps off the Edge-O-Matic for his own near fall. A double crossbody puts both of them down but it’s Edge up first for an attempt to take the turnbuckle pad off. The referee catches him though, allowing Orton to score with a hard clothesline. Edge counters some right hands in the corner to drop him face first onto the buckle, meaning we’ve got some blood. The Impaler gets two and, after countering an RKO, Edge spears him down for the pin.

Rating: B. These two beat each other up very well and that’s the kind of thing that is always a nice idea. It felt like a big time match and odds are this is what we were going to see last week. If they had been able to do that match before a shorter but still great Cena vs. Michaels match, it could have been an all time classic Raw. Instead, it’s a pair of awesome matches on back to back weeks.

We look at the end of Michaels vs. Cena from last week.

We look back at Bobby Lashley helping Santino Marella take the Intercontinental Title from Umaga.

Santino Marella is here for his first interview as champion, so we see him winning the title again. Santino talks about how he can’t believe this is happening. His family is very happy but his first title defense is next week.

Last night at Backlash, Rob Van Dam talked about how happy Vince McMahon must be now that he has crushed ECW. It was counterculture and all about making wrestling fun again, but now Vince is ECW World Champion. This Vince As ECW Champion thing could have been AMAZING if ECW meant anything at this point.

Vince won’t let Shane McMahon hold the ECW World Title belt because he’s too annoyed at Van Dam. Tonight, Shane needs to make sure Van Dam is destroyed once and for all. Vince also thanks Shane for his help last night, prompting Shane to say he loves Vince and hug him. Vince freaks a bit but says Shane can hold the title. As Vince leaves, Shane can’t help but start the ECW chants.

Edge is angry that Shawn Michaels is getting ANOTHER title shot when Edge didn’t lose last night. He is going to insert himself back in the title picture whether anyone likes it or not. Get it? Got it? Good.

Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are on commentary and there are no seconds for a bit of a weird change. Hardy wastes no time with a Russian legsweep into the split legged cradle. Nitro is right back with some right hands as Cade and Murdoch are being especially respectful of Hardy. Hardy fights out of a chinlock and avoids a charge in the corner. The Whisper in the Wind drops Nitro again and a sitout gordbuster gives Hardy two. Nitro gets in a shot to the face and heads up, only to get backdropped down. The Swanton finishes for Hardy.

Rating: C. These two could have a passable match in their sleep and they had another completely acceptable one here. I’m not sure why the Hardys vs. Cade/Murdoch seems to be continuing, but it isn’t like there is anything else to do in the tag division. There are a few teams here and there, but are any of them worthy of a title program? Maybe Cryme Tyme? Anyway, were you expecting Hardy vs. Nitro to be bad?

Post match, Cade and Murdoch try to show Jeff some respect but he leaves out of caution.

We see some stills of last night’s pretty great main event.

Video on Vince McMahon winning the ECW World Title last night.

Rob Van Dam vs. Umaga

Shane McMahon handles Umaga’s introduction. We’re joined in progress with Van Dam kicking away but getting shoved off the top for the big crash into the barricade. Back in and Umaga slowly hammers away before cutting off a comeback attempt with the Samoan drop. For some reason Van Dam tries to slam Umaga, which goes as well as you would expect. The sleeper on Umaga’s back works slightly better until Van Dam gets rammed into the corner and tossed outside.

Umaga follows him outside and now the sleeper goes on again. This time Umaga rams Van Dam HARD into the steps for another break for a near countout. Back in and Umaga hits the running headbutt but misses the running hip attack in the corner. A basement dropkick and basement spinwheel kick have Shane panicking and Rolling Thunder gets two. Umaga’s running splash hits the post and there’s the Five Star but Umaga grabs the throat on the landing. Some choking sets up the Samoan Spike to put Van Dam away.

Rating: C+. It was short but hard hitting as Van Dam was a unique challenger to Umaga. That’s what you want out of something like this, though Umaga beating the top ECW star so soon might have been a little rushed. Still though, Umaga gets back on the right path in a pretty good match so it was a good use of TV time.

Vince McMahon comes out to pose, still as the best heel in the company.

Torrie Wilson and Carlito come up to Ric Flair in the back and Flair isn’t happy with Carlito for yelling at him in Spanish last week. Carlito apologizes, which is all Flair needed, but he has also gotten them a match tonight with the World’s Greatest Tag Team. If it goes badly, they can go their separate ways. Flair gives him a pep talk, but says this is his last chance. Flair leaves and Torrie asks if this is a good idea. Carlito: “RELAX!”

Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena

Non-title….and non-match as there is no Shawn. We cut to the back where Shawn is out cold.

Post break, Coach accuses John Cena of taking Shawn out, earning himself a grab by the shirt and a lift off the floor. Vince McMahon comes in to ask what is going on. Coach is going to find out what happened, but Vince wants Shawn wrestling TONIGHT. For some reason, Val Venis is there in street clothes checking on Shawn as well.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito. Flair starts with Haas and WOO’s a bit before hiptossing Haas over. Benjamin comes in to choke Carlito on the ropes but a dropkick gives Carlito two. For some reason Carlito goes into the wrong corner and it’s Haas coming back in to stomp away. A backbreaker gives Haas two and we hit the reverse chinlock. Benjamin’s backbreaker gets two and we hit a chinlock with Benjamin’s knee in the back. Carlito fights up and gets over to Flair for the tag as everything breaks down….and Carlito knocks Flair out with a left hand. The brawl is on and we have a no contest.

Rating: C-. Another watchable match which was only there for the angle at the end. Flair isn’t doing anything important at the moment so a quick pay per view match with Carlito is a good way to go for him. The match itself was what you would expect, but Flair vs. Carlito is going to work out.

Flair and Carlito fight up the ramp, but Carlito rakes the eyes and escapes.

Now Edge has been attacked and Coach isn’t sure what to do. He wants Randy Orton though.

We recap the attacks on Michaels and Edge.

Here’s Mr. Kennedy who says he didn’t do that. You won’t find a glove that fits his hand, because he has this briefcase. Kennedy could have cashed in his briefcase at Backlash but he chose not to. How many fans would like to see him cash in his briefcase right here in Nashville, Tennessee? The fans approve of the idea but that isn’t going to happen.

Kennedy thinks it was wrong for Edge to wait until after John Cena had gone through an Elimination Chamber to cash in. He’s going to be more fair and announce when he’s cashing in. That would be in 335 days at Wrestlemania XXIV, when the new champion will be MR. KENNEDY!!! Kennedy.

Randy Orton has been attacked as well.

Coach comes in to recap the attacks to Vince McMahon, who says he knows who did it. Whoever did it did it because of John Cena, so Coach needs to send Cena to the ring to meet the man who did this.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Victoria

Candice chokes Victoria to no avail so it’s off to Melina to miss a dropkick. Mickie comes in for some hair pulling and catfighting, which is not exactly Mickie’s style. It’s back to Victoria, who knocks Mickie outside and drives her into the apron. Melina grabs the cross arm choke but Mickie fights back up with a neckbreaker. That’s enough for the hot tag to bring in Candice and everything breaks down. Mickie saves Candice from a double suplex and a rollup finishes Victoria.

Rating: D+. Candice was getting in a little offense here and there and that’s probably a sign of the next push. It’s easy to see why WWE would want to push her, though she still has a long way to go in the ring. Putting her in there with women like Mickie and Victoria will help a lot though so at least they have the right idea.

The ECW Originals don’t like Vince McMahon as ECW World Champion. Tommy Dreamer cries, because he’s Tommy Dreamer.

We recap tonight’s attacks.

Here is John Cena to say whoever is behind this could have saved themselves a lot of time and come at him face to face. He’s ready to fight…..and here’s the Great Khali, which makes Cena swallow hard. Cena charges out to start the fight on the floor and gets knocked around. They head inside with Cena’s flying shoulder having no effect, earning himself a clothesline. A big boot puts Cena down again but he fights up and manages to get him in the FU. That’s broken up with elbows to the face though and the double chokeslam plants Cena to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling started good and then went downhill as the show went on, but I liked the one night mystery to set up Cena’s next challenger. It’s the definition of a spring/early summer title program and there is nothing wrong with that. Khali running through all four members of the fatal four way in one night is a great symbolic move and now we get to move on to what could be an interesting (not necessarily in a good way) title match. Overall, another good night, which is nice to see.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 16, 2007
Location: Datchforum, Milan, Italy
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have a special one here as the show is in Italy for the first time ever. That should make for a cool atmosphere if nothing else and that is almost always a good idea. For once though, Raw is on a roll as we move towards Backlash. If this show can continue that streak, they’ll be able to say…..however you praise something in Italian. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Coach to get things going. Coach isn’t happy with last week’s announcement of the Backlash main event, so therefore we’ll do his original idea tonight: John Cena vs. Rated-RKO in a handicap match. With that out of the way, Coach introduces Vince McMahon (again with the snappy hat). After saying he doesn’t understand any of the fans’ chants, Vince talks about how he has received a better reception from every other city in Europe. Milan is supposed to be the fashion capital of the world but look at these people and tell him that is true.

Vince insults the smell of garlic in the city and brings out Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada. We see a clip of Umaga and company destroying Bobby Lashley last week, followed by Vince announcing that Lashley is not here as he did not clear customs to enter the country. With that out of the way, Vince says he wants to see Umaga in action tonight, so someone can come out here and face him. With no one coming, Vince offers to make it an Intercontinental Title match.

Still no takers, so Vince asks for someone to come out of the crowd. A fan agrees and says si, he does understand English. The soccer chants are on and Vince explains the idea of a hold harmless clause. The fan is down with that and says his name is Santino Marella. Let’s do it.

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Umaga

Marella is challenging and hammers away, including some kicks at the leg. Umaga misses a charge into the post and Santino is on a roll….but Vince remembers that this is no holds barred. Estrada offers a distraction and Umaga runs Santino over, allowing Estrada to get in some slaps of his own. Umaga hits a Vader Bomb but here is Lashley to slam Umaga off the top. The brawl is on so Vince grabs a chair, which Lashley takes away and blasts Umaga again. A spear cuts Umaga down and Lashley puts Santino on top for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. The match was nothing of course and there is nothing wrong with that. This was all about letting Lashley get one up on the villains and it worked out well enough. WWE gets a bit of fresh blood on their roster as well and Santino winning is certainly a surprise upset. Good angle, but nothing as a match.

The big celebration is on (which is weird with no music) as we take a break. Back with Jerry Lawler in the ring with Lashley and Marella. Lashley says he’ll keep his ECW World Title at Backlash, but tonight is about Santino. Some Italian cheap pops ensue as Santino isn’t a big talker to start.

Ric Flair talks to Carlito about the beautiful Italian women. Carlito is sorry for walking out on him last week but Flair says it’s ok. They’ll win tonight and get back in contention, though Carlito doesn’t seem convinced after Flair leaves.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair/Carlito. Benjamin and Carlito start things off with Carlito hitting a hiptoss into a slam. Haas and Benjamin are cleared out in a hurry so Haas comes in to shoulder Flair in the corner. That doesn’t seem to bother Flair, who goes after Haas’ leg but Benjamin cuts him off.

The villains take over on Flair with Haas kicking and punching away. Flair gets taken into the corner for some alternating stomping but Flair suplexes his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Carlito to slug away as everything breaks down. The referee gets rid of Flair, allowing Haas to trip Carlito into Benjamin’s exploder for the pin.

Rating: C-. The problems continue for Flair and Carlito, who don’t seem to be long for the tag team ranks. You don’t often come back from the communication issues world and that looks like where they are now. I’m not sure what is next for either of them after they’re done with each other, but it isn’t like this is some epic story in the first place.

Post match, Carlito is incredibly frustrated and storms off, leaving Torrie with Flair (that seems like a really bad idea).

We look at Michael Pena setting up the four way at Backlash for the WWE Championship.

John Cena, who is REALLY not popular here, gives Maria a special look before talking about how there is one champ around here. Cue Shawn Michaels to say he was here to bail Cena out on the way to Wrestlemania. Now though, he doesn’t care what happens to Cena and next week, he’s leaving Cena on his back.

There is an Italian announce team at ringside and one of them looks like Tazz.

The Condemned has a villain.

Melina is getting ready for the Divas Fashion Show and Johnny Nitro is rather pleased. Cue Eugene to stare at her, which doesn’t please Nitro as much.

Great Khali is coming to Raw.

Johnny Nitro vs. Eugene

Nitro stomps away to start, both on the mat and in the corner. Some shots to the head set up a flipping neckbreaker to put Eugene away in just over a minute.

We look at Milan’s fashion industry.

It’s time for a Diva Fashion Show, featuring a guy named Paolo Marilla (he’s in a tuxedo and seems to be a big shot in fashion) as the host. First up is Candice Michelle with an angel’s wings dress. Victoria takes off her shoes and almost marches down the ramp. Mickie is in more regular clothes with I guess the higher fashion idea. Maria and Torrie Wilson are in rather limited clothing and Melina is in a dress we saw a few minutes ago. Torrie wins so Melina jumps her until Mickie makes the save. This was another reason to have the Divas in the ring together.

Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Cade

Matt Hardy and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Feeling out process to start with the referee having to yell at Cade for being too aggressive. Cade slams Hardy but misses a clothesline, allowing Jeff to hit Whisper in the Wind for two. Back up and Cade hits some knees to the ribs, with Murdoch adding a cheap shot for a bonus.

Jeff is back up with a dropkick through the ropes to take Murdoch down but Cade kicks him in the face. Matt chases Murdoch off after another cheap shot and a headbutt gives Cade two. An elbow to the face into a snapmare gets the same but Hardy is back up with the sitout jawbreaker. The yet to be named Sling Blade sets up the Swanton, which hits knees thanks to a Murdoch distraction. A clothesline gives Cade the upset pin.

Rating: C. It’s almost weird to see Cade getting a feature match but he was showcased fairly well here. It puts a bit of heat on the title match at Backlash, or at least as much can be put on a Tag Team Title match these days. Cade looked like a star here though and that’s a bright sign for his future.

The Condemned has stunts!

Here is Chris Masters to talk about various works of art here in Italy. There have been some amazing works, but none of the masters have ever created a masterpiece like him.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

They fight over a lockup to start with Masters powering him around. Back up and Masters sends him outside, setting up a big running flip dive. Back in and Masters avoids a moonsault (or “look at this move”) according to Lawler so the stomping can ensue. Masters whips him hard into the corner for two but has to counter a crucifix into something like a Samoan drop for two more.

The chinlock puts Crazy in more trouble and it works so well that Masters puts it on again. Crazy fights up and starts kicking at Masters’ legs for the break, setting up a standing flipping legdrop for two. Masters doesn’t seem to mind and catches him with a wheelbarrow suplex for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would and a lot of that is due to Masters mixing things up a bit. Yeah he did the same offense until the ending but then it wasn’t the Masterlock for the first time pretty much ever. That has been one of the biggest problems with Masters for a very long time now so it is nice to see him throw in a curve ball. Crazy’s usual charisma made it even better so well done on a totally watchable match.

Rated-RKO blame each other for various things but tonight they are going to get on the same page to take out John Cena.

John Cena vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Edge starts for the team and gets caught in an early release fisherman’s suplex for two. Cena grabs a rollup for the same as he’s in desperation mode early on. A front facelock doesn’t get Cena very far as the fans are all over him. Orton comes in and gets taken down for two (with JR saying a pin would have been cool). Some forearms to the chest have Cena in trouble and he scores with a big boot (Has he ever used that before?) as Edge comes in to send us to a break.

Back with Edge knocking Cena off the apron and into the announcers’ table as the beating continues. Orton powers him back inside to hammer away and it’s back to Edge for a big boot of his own. Now it’s Orton getting to forearm away even more but Edge has to Edge-O-Matic his way out of an FU attempt. Cena knocks Edge off the top and hits the top rope Fameasser but Orton is right back in to cut him off.

Cue Shawn Michaels as Cena fights back, including the Shuffle to Edge. Orton dropkicks Cena to break up the FU on Edge and the referee gets bumped. Back up and Edge spears Orton by mistake. Shawn comes in and tries a superkick to Cena but takes Edge out instead. The FU to Shawn allows Cena to pin Edge and escape.

Rating: C-. Kind of a dull match here but the ending sequence got better. Part of the problem was that this was mainly spent on Edge and Orton slowly beating Cena down, which isn’t the most thrilling match. At least they gave us something interesting in the ending, but it was definitely a slower paced main event.

Overall Rating: C. You’re only going to get so much out of these international shows, with the opening segment being the only thing worth seeing. The rest of the show was completely watchable, but it’s not like the majority of it is all that great. Backlash is starting to take shape and we have Cena vs. Michaels set for next week, so call this a step towards the future without doing much on its own.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 2, 2007
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Wrestlemania has come and gone and that means it is time for one of the other biggest shows of the year. Granted that is in theory at least as the tradition has only kind of been set so far. John Cena beat Shawn Michaels to retain the Raw World Title, but (possibly) more importantly, Vince McMahon is now bald. I sense fallout so let’s get to it.

Here is Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

We don’t even open with a recap as here is John Cena to get things going. The fans really don’t sound happy to see him, but he holds the title up because the champ is here. Before he can say anything else, here is Shawn Michaels to interrupt. Shawn says this is like reliving a bad dream because he’s right here again. Last night wasn’t about sportsmanship or mind games and politics (Shawn: “BROTHER!”) but about winning and losing.

Shawn lost, but he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like having to stick out his hand and tell someone that they are the better man. That isn’t happening this time anyway because Cena ISN’T the better man. Cena: “Anytime, anyplace.” Shawn isn’t busy right now so Dayton, Ohio sounds like a good place for him. Hold on though as here is Coach to say the Tag Team Titles need to be defended, so let’s have a ten team battle royal for those titles.

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

John Cena/Shawn Michaels, King Booker/Finlay, Kenny Dykstra/Chris Masters, Rob Van Dam/Sabu, Cryme Tyme, Deuce & Domino, Elijah Burke/Matt Striker, Eugene/Jim Duggan, Highlanders, Chavo Guerrero/Gregory Helms

Cena and Michaels are defending and only one member has to be eliminated. We’re joined in progress with Dykstra being tossed to clear the ring out a bit and the general brawling is on. Deuce gets rid of JTG and Burke dropkicks Eugene out as we’re already down to six. Er, five as Guerrero and Helms are missing too, though I don’t know if they were even in there when we came back from the break.

Anyway the Highlanders are tossed as well and Deuce & Domino go after Shawn, earning themselves an elimination from Cena. Striker is out as well and there goes Van Dam after him, leaving us with Finlay/Booker vs. Cena/Michaels. Finlay clotheslines Booker by mistake so Cena sends Finlay to the apron, where Shawn can superkick him out to retain.

Rating: D+. To paraphrase Statler and Waldorf, it was boring, it wasn’t very good, it was….short. That’s how you need to run something like this, as while Cena and Michaels can drop the titles, they probably aren’t dropping them to most of these teams. You have a bunch of jobbers, a few teams who have vanished in recent weeks and a few teams who might have teamed together on Heat at most. Where exactly was the drama here?

Hold on though as here is Coach again to say we need to do this again, with NINE MORE TEAMS!

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

John Cena/Shawn Michaels, Hardys, Paul London/Brian Kendrick, William Regal/Dave Taylor, Kevin Thorn/Marcus Cor Von, Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero, Sandman/Tommy Dreamer, Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch, Val Venis/Viscera, Johnny Nitro/The Miz,

Cena and Michaels are defending and either Guerrero/Helms are working a double or Lawler got confused when he mentioned them being in the first battle royal and there were only nine teams. Anyway, it’s a big brawl to start and the mob can’t get rid of Viscera. Growing brains at the same time though, they toss Venis in a hurry and we’re down to nine. Regal and Taylor are gone and Dreamer/Sandman join them as we take a break.

Back with JR’s voice going in a hurry and the champs getting rid of Miz and Nitro (in their first time teaming together for some trivia)….and then Shawn dumps Cena. Well that’s a curve ball. It’s smart, but it’s a curve ball. Kendrick and Chavo eliminate each other (with no mention of London and Kendrick possibly becoming double champions) so we’re down to the Hardys vs. Cade/Murdoch.

Jeff goes stupid (shocking I know) by hammering away with right hands in the corner on Murdoch but manages to get back down. An atomic drop/big boot combination knocks Jeff silly but Matt cuts off the toss attempt. The Hardys hit stereo middle rope legdrops, setting up Poetry In Motion to get rid of Murdoch for the win and the titles.

Rating: C-. The Hardys winning is completely fine as they are the veteran teams who can get the titles back and then drop them to someone in a bigger match. There is some value in one more run with the Hardys as champions so this is about as safe of a way to go for the titles as you can have. Cena and Michaels didn’t need the titles to continue their story so letting them go and be built back up again is the right move.

Timbaland (music producer) is here and does not want to be on camera.

Shawn Michaels did that because he wants the WWE Title and nothing more. Randy Orton comes in to say Cena can’t beat Shawn, but not him. We’ll see about that.

Wrestlemania highlight package set to Ladies And Gentlemen. That really is a heck of a show.

We go to the back to see Vince McMahon….or at least from his eyes (as in his eyes are serving as the camera) as he walks down the hallway. He takes off his hat to show Maria and Candice Michelle his hat. They, uh, like it, though Eugene and Cryme Tyme laugh. Ron Simmons can barely get his catchphrase out, so Vince is going to the ring so he can yell at the people. Vince: “I HATE TRUMP!”

Here is Vince, in a snappy hat, and he tells Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring. Vince talks about what a travesty of justice took place last night at the hands of Steve Austin. Had it not been for him, Donald Trump would be bald. Therefore, by his authority, Wrestlemania DID NOT HAPPEN for him, so Lilian gets to announce Vince as the winner of the Battle of the Billionaires.

To further prove his point about having authority, Bobby Lashley is defending the ECW World Title against Umaga tonight. As for Vince, you won’t be seeing him bald tonight (Vince: “You like the hat?”) because he has had his hat surgically attached to his head until his hair grows back. It’s going to be fast too, because his surgeon says Vince has more testosterone than an all male prison. He is happy to disappoint everyone and there is no chance in h*** that you will see his bald head.

Cue Lashley to rib the hat off (Lawler: “HIS HEAD’S POINTY!”) so Vince covers up with a towel. That’s covered up as well, so Vince hides under Lilian’s skirt. Lashley rips that off and Vince runs away. This was the good old fashioned humiliation segment and Vince excels at them like no other.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito as JR’s voice is almost completely gone. Benjamin clotheslines Carlito to start but walks into a knee lift. A kick to the face drops Carlito and Haas drives him into the corner. More pounding sets up a Benjamin suplex for two but Carlito is back up with a springboard elbow to the face. The hot tag brings in Flair to start chopping away but Benjamin grabs a backdrop. Carlito breaks up the Broken Arrow though and it’s the chop block into the Figure Four to make Haas tap in a hurry.

Rating: C-. Totally basic tag match to get Flair and Carlito out there for a fast appearance. I know the team is just a short story to give Flair something to do but there is something nice about seeing him celebrating any kind of a win. Flair has won more titles than he knows what to do with, but he seemed happy to have won a nothing tag match on Raw. That’s kind of the point, and it is so often forgotten.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

Timbaland is here as a fan and wants to hear a WOO. Some of the Divas are going to be in his next video and he is making his picks soon. He seemed rather down to earth here and like he was having a good time.

Here’s Melina for a Special Photo Op. She thinks she should be in Timbaland’s video and he seems to approve. Last night she proved that Ashley was nothing more than a pretty face, and being Women’s Champion means more than posing in Playboy. Therefore, to commemorate her win last night, she is going to have a special photo op for the paparazzi. Cue Mickie James to lay Melina out, including with the jumping DDT.

Mick Foley talks about how much WWE does with Make-A-Wish. Next week, we are going to see a special wish granted. That’s always cool.

Great Khali vs. Super Crazy

Crazy goes right at him and hits a missile dropkick. That’s about it though as the double chokeslam finishes him in less than a minute.

Vince McMahon is mad about Bobby Lashley and adds Armando Alejandro Estrada to the Lashley vs. Umaga match. Estrada better not fail him.

We look at Shawn Michaels turning on John Cena, followed by the Hardys winning the Tag Team Titles.

The Hardys are happy to win their sixth Tag Team Titles.

JR’s voice is DONE as he introduces the video from the premiere of the Condemned.

Here is Edge on the stage, saying a lesser man would not be standing here tonight. It took everything he had to get himself out of bed this morning. Edge talks about how he knows he can beat John Cena, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. They can call themselves whatever they want, but he calls himself the best. Everyone else can get ready to call him champion.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga/Armando Alejandro Estrada

Lashley is defending but gets jumped before the bell and sent face first into the steps. Umaga charges into an elbow in the corner and Lashley drives Estrada into the corner with a shoulder. That’s broken up from behind though and Umaga sits on Lashley’s chest for two. Umaga chokes away on the rope and cuts off a comeback with the Samoan drop. A kick to the face gives Umaga two more but Lashley is able to chase Estrada outside.

Another slugout goes to Umaga and Estrada gets a quick two. A splash gives Umaga two more and he punches a charging Lashley down. Some choking puts Lashley down in the corner but Umaga has to cut him off again. The running hip attack connects in the corner and Umaga loads up the Spike. The shouting takes a bit too long though and Lashley knocks it away, setting up a spear to Umaga. Estrada makes the save but Umaga splashes him by mistake. Another spear sends Umaga outside and the running powerslam retains Lashley’s title.

Rating: D. House show style main event here with Lashley not doing much besides punching and the spears. I like that they didn’t do the same match two nights in a row and the Estrada factor let Umaga save some face. Not a good match or anything close to it, but what more could you want in a match like this one? If nothing else, it was interesting to hear Lawler call a match on his own as JR’s voice was completely gone.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the point here and a lot of the show felt like they were taking the night off. The big story was Shawn vs. Cena continuing and getting rid of the Tag Team Titles. It was a fast moving show, but you’re only getting so much when they’re more or less basking in the Wrestlemania glow. Not a great show, but an easy one to watch after the pressure over the previous weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2007
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 15,146
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania and that means we are not likely to see a lot of wrestling this time around. Instead, expect a heck of a lot of talking, plus some rather short matches to get everyone to Detroit as safely as possible. That being said, we have a heck of a double main event with Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon and a No Way Out main event with Shawn Michaels/John Cena vs. Batista/Undertaker. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Coach in the ring to announce that Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley is now No DQ, but any interference will result in a fine and suspension. Cue Steve Austin to another thunderous pop and he has a story to tell Coach. He was sitting down at the ranch and got a bunch of gifts, in the form of a new four wheeler, a rifle, a hunting knife and more. Every gift that he got was from Donald Trump and he thinks that Trump is trying to buy him off.

Coach thinks so to but Vince would never…..and Austin cuts him off, saying that he told the delivery driver to take them all back. It turns out that they came from Stamford, Connecticut and the offices of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Does Vince think Austin is stupid enough to think that Trump is buying him off? Coach says no one thinks he is stupid and eventually admits that he was the one who sent the gifts.

Austin isn’t pleased but explains that he will beat up both Lashley and Umaga if they don’t listen to him at Wrestlemania. Coach understands the idea, but he does not understand why Vince and Trump are worried about being bald. Austin and Coach show that bald is beautiful….and there’s the Stunner. Beer is consumed and poured onto Coach.

Post break, Austin leaves in his truck but gets cut off by Vince McMahon’s limo. Vince comes out of the sun roof to yell but sees Austin, who flips him off for old times’ sake. With Austin gone, Vince gets out, pulls the driver out, beats him up, and fires him.

Jillian Hall/Victoria/Melina vs. Torrie Wilson/Ashley/Candice Michelle

Ashley rolls Melina up for an early near fall and it’s off to Candice to spinwheel kick Victoria. The Go Daddy dance takes too long and Victoria kicks Candice down. The Tree of Woe sets up a running Bronco Buster to the upside down Candice and Jillian comes in for the assortment of hair pulling. Candice avoids a flipping legdrop and crawls over (nearly crawling out of her shorts on the way there) for the hot tag to Ashley. Everything breaks down with Ashley snapping off some headscissors. The other four brawl, leaving Ashley to victory roll Hall for the pin.

Rating: D. I think you can figure out the reason behind this one and seeing Ashley’s house cleaning at the end was not exactly appealing. It isn’t Ashley’s fault that she can’t learn how to be a wrestler in the span of a few months. The title match isn’t going to be about the technical side and that wasn’t the case here either. Not good wrestling, but that wasn’t what this was for in the first place.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

CM Punk vs. Kenny Dykstra

Punk is the hometown boy and Dykstra jumps him on the way in. Dykstra hammers away and kicks Punk off the top before he has the chance to doing anything. The chinlock doesn’t last long but a jumping back elbow cuts Punk down again. Some clotheslines give Dykstra two and we hit another chinlock. Back up again and Punk knees his way out of a front facelock, setting up the springboard clothesline. More knees, including one in the corner, sets up the bulldog for two. The still yet to be named Go To Sleep finishes Dykstra.

Rating: C-. This was a nice way to have Punk get a come from behind win in his hometown while also building him up a bit for Wrestlemania. It isn’t hard to figure this one out and they did it well enough. They didn’t do anything flashy here as it was just a nice win with a guy beating someone beneath him. Don’t make this more complicated than it needs to be.

Post match Edge pops up on screen to say Punk isn’t winning at Wrestlemania. Don’t worry though, because Punk is going to get his chance to respond in the first ever eight man edition of the Cutting Edge.

Clip of Bobby Lashley crashing through the cage wall to get to Umaga on ECW. That’s still great.

All of the Money in the Bank participants are in the ring as Edge comes out for the big interview. Edge brags about his success in ladder matches, which includes winning more ladder matches than everyone in here combined. Throw in that he has never lost at Wrestlemania and why should anyone else have a chance? How is Matt Hardy even on Wrestlemania?

Matt promises to be in Edge’s face but makes the mistake of mentioning Lita and gets cut off. King Booker talks about all of his success but mentions the word peasants, which is too far for Finlay. He is sick of all this nonsense because everyone else sounds like a bunch of old women. Finlay to Edge: “You didn’t like that chisel chin?” Randy Orton tells Finlay to not hurt Edge’s feelings because Edge needs an excuse to bail out of this match like he has done for the last month.

Mr. Kennedy cuts them off (big reaction) but Edge cuts that off as well and mocks Jeff Hardy’s pose. Jeff says this is going to be his first Wrestlemania in five years so he plans to steal the show. He’ll go through his own brother if it means winning Money in the Bank. The CM PUNK chants cut everyone off so Edge asks him about being straightedge.

Edge: “Well my addictions are sex, violence and championship gold around my waste.” Punk says Edge seems to be addicted to running his mouth and the fight is on. Edge slips out while everyone else fights, with the Hardys and Punk standing tall….until they realize Edge is on the ramp. The chase is on and we take a break.

John Cena explains how we are going to have Playboy bunnies, vampires, ladders, the Queen of Soul and MICHAEL COLE at Wrestlemania. Cena: “WHO KEEPS INVITING MICHAEL COLE???” We’re going to have a legend killer, the Deadman and a bald billionaire, but after all that, there will be John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels.

People will talk about it for years, even Maria when her grandkids are there and certain parts of her are hanging down to her knees. Maria isn’t convinced, but Cena gets serious and talks about how he is going to carve his name into the history books. One man will be left standing and he will proudly say THE CHAMP IS HERE. This was Cena’s hard sell at the end and it worked as always.

We look at Vince McMahon not being able to bribe Bobby Lashley. Then Lashley threatened violence against the boss.

Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title and No DQ, though interference is not allowed. Before the match, Vince says that he isn’t going to embarrass him with his physical dominance, because he’ll just pin Lashley instead. NOW you can ring the bell….and Vince drops to the floor. Cue Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch to go after Lashley, with limited success.

Now it’s Chris Masters coming in but he can’t get the Masterlock. John Morrison comes in and goes after Lashley, earning himself a running powerslam. Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada come in as well and the real fight is on. The numbers finally take Lashley down (Vince’s low blow helped) and Umaga’s pop up Samoan Drop lets Vince get the pin.

Post match the big beatdown is on, including the running hip attack in the corner and the Samoan Spike. That means Vince can get another pin to really prove himself, followed by one more Samoan Spike.

During the break, Vince promises to win on Sunday and then shave Donald Trump’s head. Cue Eugene in a Trump outfit, complete with wig, but Vince rips the wig off and leaves.

Randy Orton/Mr. Kennedy vs. Hardys

You would think this kind of a reunion would be built up a bit more. Orton jogs out to the stage for a weird visual. Matt headlocks Orton to start and hits a quick middle rope elbow to the back of the head for one. Jeff comes in but gets knocked into the corner by Kennedy so the stomping can begin. An anklescissors gets Jeff out of the corner but Kennedy sends him hard out to the floor.

Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table and we hit the chinlock back inside. Kennedy comes back in but his belly to back superplex is broken up, allowing Jeff to hit the Whisper in the Wind. The hot tag brings in Matt to clean house but he takes too long setting up the Twist of Fate on Orton. Kennedy makes the save but gets taken to the floor by Jeff. That’s fine with Orton, who grabs the RKO for the pin on Matt.

Rating: C-. This was the momentum building match, but it’s a little hard to buy that the Hardys are going to lose clean to a makeshift team in less than five minutes. I know the match doesn’t mean a thing going forward, but the Hardys losing to Orton and Kennedy? It isn’t a huge stretch, but it is a bit of a surprise.

The final inductee into the Hall of Fame class is…..Jim Ross. You can’t have Lawler go in without Ross so this is appropriate. The wrestlers imitating JR’s catchphrases is pretty awesome. JR gets a very emotional moment with the crowd, including a standing ovation.

Great Khali vs. Ric Flair

The destruction is on in a hurry and they head outside, with Khali loading up the chokeslam onto the steps. Cue Carlito for the fast DQ to save Flair.

Carlito gets destroyed for being nice but Kane comes in for the real save.

Ladies and Gentlemen by Saliva is the official theme song of the show. They let you know when they perform it in concert too.

The Condemned is coming.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Shawn Michaels talks about facing John Cena before but this is different than ever before. Every legend, icon, immortal, New York Times bestseller and great have stood across the ring from him but none of them could get it done. Yet here he is, standing the test of time because he is the main event, the icon and the showstopper. On Sunday, Shawn is going to take Cena to the top of the mountain but first, Cena has to go through the valley. Shawn is walking out as WWE Champion, but he has his partner’s back tonight. This was a heck of a promo, which isn’t really Shawn’s strong suit most of the time.

Shawn Michaels/John Cena vs. Batista/Undertaker

Non-title. The entrances take the better part of ever until it’s Undertaker and Cena taking turns throwing the other into the corner for right hands. Snake Eyes drops Cena but the big boot is countered into a failed FU attempt. Shawn comes in but gets kicked in the face, leaving Cena to get clotheslined. Batista comes in to help clean house but Undertaker is ready to fight.

Cena breaks that up (he isn’t always that bright and is soundly booed) and Shawn comes in to get rid of the Smackdown guys. Shawn whips Undertaker into the steps, followed by a swinging neckbreaker for two back inside. It’s back to Cena, who gets dropped with the jumping clothesline. Batista is back in for the shoulders to the ribs but Cena bulldogs him down (again with the booing).

Everything breaks down and Undertaker boots Shawn in the face. There’s a spinebuster to Cena but Undertaker throws Shawn at Batista to break up the Batista Bomb (in a callback to Smackdown). That’s enough for Undertaker, who walks out, leaving Cena to initiate the finishing sequence on Batista. Shawn joins in on the double Shuffle…..and FINALLY superkicks Cena to give Batista the pin.

Rating: B. This was ALL about the storylines working on their own and the tag match was just happening at the same time. What makes it works is the two stories being so well built up that I wanted to see what happened. The fact that you had four people who can work a good match like this and they didn’t stop for the entire time they had. Good action, but better storytelling, which is more important anyway.

We actually take one more break and come back with….replays of the superkick to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The wrestling here was completely inconsequential. This show was about accomplishing one goal and it did just that: I want to watch Wrestlemania. This year’s build has been one of the best that I can remember and as long as Smackdown isn’t a total disaster, they have done an outstanding job of making me want to see the show. Good build to the pay per view, even if it would have been quite the miss as a regular show. It wasn’t a regular show though, and that’s what matters.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2007
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 14,740
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are less than three weeks away from Wrestlemania and it’s another Donald Trump show as the contract has to be signed. Other than that, the World Title situation has been picking up as you can feel the tension building between Shawn Michaels and John Cena. The shows have actually been working well as of late and that might be the case again this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Ernie Ladd.

We open with a recap of Shawn Michaels and John Cena not needing the other to save them, with Shawn barely saving Cena to end the show.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows there is tension in the air because he doesn’t know if he can trust Shawn Michaels. When is Shawn going to betray him and get it over with? If Shawn wants to turn on his tag partner then fine, but if Shawn wants to kick his teeth down his throat, come out here and do it right now.

Cue Shawn, but Cena cuts him off to say this is all about the title. Shawn says he isn’t going to win Good Samaritan this year because all he cares about is being WWE Champion. People have been asking when he is going to turn on Cena, but why aren’t people asking when Cena is going to turn on him? Cena will do anything to be champion and that’s what Shawn likes about him. As much as Cena wants to be champion, Shawn wants one more day in the sun that much more.

Violence is teased but here is Coach to interrupt. All this talk about the WWE Title has taken focus off of the Tag Team Titles and there are a lot of teams ready to take their heads off. That’s why tonight, it’s a gauntlet match against three teams. It seems to be three straight title matches, and the third is going to take place inside a steel cage.

Celebrities pick who they want to see bald.

Donald Trump arrives.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Randy Orton vs. Carlito vs. Ric Flair

Elimination rules so Orton has to fight off a double team out of the corner. Back to back dropkicks put Carlito and Flair down but Flair is back up with the chops. Carlito does the same in the corner and gets two off a back elbow to the face. Flair takes out the knee and Carlito hits the springboard elbow. For reasons of good guys in wrestling are idiots, Carlito wants to put on the RKO so a fight breaks out with Flair. The Backstabber to Flair sets up the RKO for the elimination and we take a break.

Back with Carlito crawling to the ropes to get out of a Boston crab. That’s fine with Orton, as he gets in the Garvin Stomp into the jumping knee for two. Orton punches him down in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Carlito, eventually, fights up and snaps off a hurricanrana into a flapjack for two. The springboard spinning Swanton gets two but Orton crotches him on top. The RKO sends Orton to Wrestlemania.

Rating: C-. The elimination rule was little more than a way for Carlito to look like a moron, which he tends to do on his own. The Carlito/Flair stuff makes sense on paper, but then falls apart when you realize that it’s a story about Carlito. Orton going on makes sense as he needs something to do at Wrestlemania and he looked pretty dominant on the way there.

Video on Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon.

It’s time for a Masterlock Challenge but no one comes out. Chris Masters offers Lilian Garcia a chance but here is Super Crazy for the save. Crazy gets in a few shots but gets Masterlocked down. This was every Masterlock Challenge for months now.

Vince McMahon arrives and tells Donald Trump’s driver to tell Trump that his is bigger than Trump’s. The limo that is.

Video on Ernie Ladd, who I like more and more every time I see something from him.

Edge and Randy Orton are getting ready in the back but stop to bicker about winning Money in the Bank. Edge is undefeated, but the only reason is he never faced Randy Orton.

Lilian Garcia asks us to look at the Titantron for a public service announcement. Someone is reading the Los Angeles Times and talking about the Battle of the Billionaires. The paper is folded down…..and it’s the Rock. Well that wakes the crowd up. Rock talks about being Samoan himself and knows that Umaga is Samoan for shriveled up monkey censored. How is Vince going to win with a shriveled up monkey censored? Rock hits some catchphrases and we’re done in a hurry. This was as fast paced of a cameo as you’re going to get.

Ashley had a Playboy signing in New York City.

Tag Team Titles: Gauntlet Match

John Cena and Shawn Michaels are defending in three straight matches. First up is the World’s Greatest Tag Team so Cena hiptosses and elbows Benjamin down to start. The release fisherman’s suplex gets two but Benjamin gets him into the corner for the tag to Haas. Some right hands and a slam set up more right hands but Cena runs him over. The hot(ish) tag brings in Michaels to clean house until Cena tags himself back in. The STFU, with a glare at Michaels, makes Haas tap.

Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade are in next with an atomic drop/big boot combination to take over on Michaels. Murdoch’s slingshot knee gives Cade two and a jumping clothesline is good for the same. The bearhug doesn’t last long as Michaels punches his way out and hits an enziguri. Cena gets the tag and starts to wreck things, including the FU to Murdoch….at least in theory, as Shawn superkicks Murdoch for the pin instead. The cage is lowered and it’s MNM as the third challengers.

We’re joined in progress with Nitro getting two on Cena before grabbing the chinlock. That doesn’t last long as Cena is up in a hurry for another tag back to Michaels. Nitro takes Michaels down as well and it’s time for some choking. A neckbreaker gives Nitro two but the yet to be named Starship Pain misses.

Despite Mercury getting in a cheap shot on Cena, Michaels gets over for the tag anyway and it’s time to clean house. Everything breaks down and it turns into a contest to see who can abuse Mercury worse. Mercury is busted open but Michaels and Cena get into it again, this time over which finisher to use. Nitro gets dropped so it’s a superkick to send Mercury into the FU to retain.

Rating: C. This was little more than a workout for Cena and Michaels, as the other three teams just aren’t close to them. It took about six minutes to beat the first two and then not much more than that to take out MNM. The feud has been doing good things for Cena and Michaels but it has shown how weak the tag division is. Then again, that has been pretty clear for a long time now.

Post match the cage is raised and the other teams come in to go after Michaels and Cena. That’s fine with Cena, who grabs a chair to wreck everyone. Cena teases hitting Michaels but everything is cool and the champs leave everyone laying.

Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

Hold on though as Edge is in street clothes. He would love to come down and beat up Jeff Hardy but he isn’t wrestling in a city with a football team named after a racial slur. Replacement time, as Edge has a friend of Indian descent.

Jeff Hardy vs. Great Khali

Hardy isn’t sure about this but hammers away to no avail. Khali throws him down without much trouble, hits him in the head, and yells a lot. Cue Kane though…..and he has some meat hooks on a chain (his See No Evil weapon) so we’ll call it from here.

Post match Khali runs away from the threat of likely death so Kane uses the hooks to destroy the announcers’ table instead.

Donald Trump wants to know if Vince McMahon’s hair is fake.

Mr. Fuji is going into the Hall of Fame. Other than Billy Gunn and Kofi Kingston, he held a Tag Team Title longer than any man in company history so yeah, he belongs in there.

Mick Foley is proud of his new book, the Hardcore Diaries, and talks about some things he discusses, including Vince McMahon’s lack of creative genius and ECW. Cue Ashley, who offers a copy of Playboy for the book. Foley says he won’t look at the pictures because he can’t look at Ashley that way. As luck would have it, Foley has a page marked in his book about his thoughts on his co-workers in Playboy. He turns around to the open magazine and Ron Simmons comes in for his catchphrase.

We get a Battle of the Billionaires tale of the tape.

Vince is getting his hair ready and reminds the hairdresser that he is bigger than Trump. Coach comes in to praise Vince’s hair but Vince goes on a rant about how Coach’s bald head reminds him too much of Trump.

Melina vs. Torrie Wilson

Non-title. Torrie gets two off a bridging rollup, which has commentary rather approving. Another rollup gets another two as commentary talks about various magazines. Melina fights up but gets knocked down, allowing JR to mention that Torrie is from the potato state of Idaho. That’s enough for Melina, who grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Post match the beatdown stays on until Mickie James runs in for the save, with Victoria right behind her. Melina is left alone so here is Ashley to beat her down instead.

Edge comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and offers to have Rated-RKO take care of Bobby Lashley on ECW. How about tomorrow, Lashley faces Randy Orton? If Orton can’t go though, he should be thrown out of Money in the Bank. Vince is good with that.

Here is Vince McMahon for the contract signing, though first he has to slip on the way into the ring. Vince talks about how Donald Trump won’t be able to get out of this one and brings out Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada of course. There is no Trump though and Vince thinks it is due to cowardice.

The threat of a Billionaire B**** Slap brings out Trump, flanked by Maria and Candice Michelle. Trump: “Vince, your grapefruits are no match for my Trump towers.” He brings out Bobby Lashley (Trump: “Love you Bobby. Do we love Bobby? Do we love Bobby?”) and says these people seem to like him. Vince doesn’t care what the people or celebrities think and they both sign.

Cue Steve Austin to keep the star power and Vince’s panicking going. Austin asks the fans about their picks for the match before telling Trump that he is in his ring. Trump does nothing but tell people they’re fired, but don’t get on Austin’s bad side or he’ll take him out. Trump smirks it off so Austin goes over to Vince to ask about his problem with bald people (as we cut to Lashley and then back to Austin).

Vince isn’t happy so Austin grabs him by the tie and threatens various acts of violence. Austin leaves so Vince recaps everything again before leaving. Hold on though as Trump has something of his own: FAKE PHOTOS OF A BALD VINCE!!! Trump wants to fight Vince right now so Vince gets back in, only to be shoved over the table to end the show. This was the big angle of the night and while things are a bit different in hindsight, they knew what they had here and the money they made on Wrestlemania showed how right they were.

Overall Rating: C. This one is going to depend on how you look at it. While the wrestling itself was nothing memorable whatsoever, they’re in a bit of a unique spot. Wrestlemania is set and there is nothing else that really needs to be added. That means the rest of the time is going to be spent firming things up, hence the 20+ minute main event segment. The show isn’t very good on its own, but as part of the build to Wrestlemania, it worked rather well.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 13, 2006
Location: Manchester Evening News Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 15,266
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on one of the foreign excursion shows as Raw is over in England on the way to Survivor Series. Some of the Survivor Series matches have already been set and that should make for a few different paths while the show is on vacation. Now just get us there in a few interesting pieces. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s DX to get things going, complete with an announcement of their Survivor Series elimination match with Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO during their entrance. HHH says they have been around the UK and now he wants to hear the loudest crowd yet. After asking for some silence, he asks if we’re ready and gets the reaction he wants. With that out of the way….he doesn’t really have anything else funny to say (by his own admission) so we hit the catchphrase.

Shawn gets in his own catchphrase and now it’s time to get to business: the people they have embarrassed with the help of Big Dick Johnson. The latest is Eric Bischoff, and yes we have a clip from last week. Shawn wants to see it again in slow motion, meaning the jiggling is even stronger this time. After hearing that Shawn threw up in his mouth a bit, HHH is ready to move on to Edge and Randy Orton but here is Coach instead.

Coach makes some threats and Shawn thinks that he might BAN THEM FROM THE BUILDING AGAIN. Which worked so well last week you see. Actually no, because Coach has issued a bounty of 5,200 pounds, or about $10,000, on DX. HHH: “YOU CHEAP BAST***!” HHH can’t believe that they are only worth five grand each. Coach needs a bake sale or a lemonade stand or something. Actually there are some people wanting to claim the bounty right now.

D-Generation X vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas/Trevor Murdoch/Lance Cade

Joined in progress with Shawn, in street clothes like HHH, reversing Cade into the corner to chop away. Murdoch comes in for a big boot but Shawn manages to take him down as well. It’s off to Viscera for a swinging Boss Man Slam to set up the gyrations, followed by the tag off to Haas. Shawn gets taken down again and Cade slaps on the neck crank to keep him down. That would be down for a few seconds as Shawn fights up with an enziguri. The hot tag brings in HHH to clean house as everything breaks down. Sweet Chin Music knocks Viscera off the apron and down onto Cade and Murdoch. The Pedigree finishes Haas.

Rating: D+. Another quick and dominant performance from DX, which might be a bit more interesting if we haven’t seen the same thing over and over for months. The team is still needing top stars to face and while Rated-RKO fits the bill, they can only do that so often. That leaves us with some pretty lame matches in these spots, but getting DX out there for the live crowd makes sense.

Post break, Kenny tells the Spirit Squad to cash in on the bounty. DX pops in and beats them up while talking about how annoying the bounty can be. This was funny.

Spirit Squad vs. Highlanders

Robbie headbutts Johnny down to start and it’s off to Rory for two off a high crossbody. Kenny comes in and launches Johnny at Rory to take over. Rory fights out of a chinlock and gets over for the hot tag to Robbie. House is cleaned but the Scot Drop is broken up, allowing Kenny to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. Pretty boring match here and that isn’t the biggest surprise. The tag division means nothing around here and the titles are back to being on another special team who isn’t likely to have them very long. I’m not sure who can take the titles next, and I can’t exactly say I’m surprised by that at all. You get used to it over the years.

Post match Kenny takes the full credit for the win.

We look at Chris Masters facing Jerry Lawler last week, despite Lawler being handcuffed to the top rope.

Wrestlemania tickets went on sale last week.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge with Jerry Lawler as this week’s…..contestant? Participant? Actually it is victim, as Masters takes his time but eventually puts it on, shrugs off Lawler’s elbows to the face (you would think someone would have tried that already) and wins. This was just about every Masterlock Challenge so far.

DX is having some food when Eugene comes in to see them about the bounty. HHH gives him some paper towels and shuts the door but that’s not what Eugene means. Eugene charges in and hits the table of food, with DX leaving him as Shawn worries about weighing too much from all the popcorn.

Lita is ready to beat Mickie James tonight and at Survivor Series because she is the best of all time.

DX is in the bathroom and HHH needs Shawn to leave. Chris Masters jumps him in the stall and we get something out of Austin Powers.

Todd Grisham replaces Lawler on commentary.

Umaga vs. John Cena

Non-title. Cena slugs away to start and avoids a charge, setting up the bulldog. Umaga pops up and runs him over though, setting up the Samoan drop. We hit the nerve hold but Cena fights up with the shoulders. That’s enough to tie Umaga in the ropes….and here’s Big Show to run in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was energetic which it lasted but it isn’t like they had time to go anywhere. It wasn’t meant to be some kind of a full match so this is about as good as it could have been. Umaga continues to rise up the ranks and they have planted the seeds for a showdown with Cena down the line, which should work out quite well for both of them. Big Show is here too and….yeah that’s about all he has going for him at the moment.

Post match the big beatdown is on and Cena is left laying after both finishers.

DX comes in to see Coach because they’re stressed over the whole night. We see a montage of the night, set to the Benny Hill theme. That’s enough for DX, because they are heading out. HHH asks if that counts as them getting the $10,000, which is of course a no, but Shawn steals it anyway.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending, and in what might not be a good sign, Hardy’s entrance is cut out of the Peacock version (though maybe it is due to a recap sponsored by a movie). Hardy shoulders him down for two and they fight over a top wristlock. Nitro gets the better of things but Hardy sends him outside, followed by the right hands to the head back inside. The threat of a Swanton sends Nitro outside and there’s a slingshot dropkick through the ropes to put him down again.

We take a break and come back with Nitro’s springboard kick to the face getting two. Nitro takes him down for some more near falls and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. Hardy fights up and crotches him on top, with JR making various jokes about Melina’s evening plans. The Whisper in the Wind misses so Nitro grabs a sitout belly to back faceplant for two more.

Nitro goes up but dives into a sitout powerbomb, setting up the Swanton. Melina offers a quick distraction like she is supposed to do, allowing Nitro to come back with a neckbreaker. A corkscrew moonsault gives Nitro two….but Hardy reverses into a crucifix for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. These two work well together and I’m kind of getting into these rapid fire title changes. They are making it feel like they have an important feud here and that is something that has been missing from the title picture for a little while. The match wasn’t great, but they kept the energy going and I’m curious to see where it goes.

Post match Nitro knocks Hardy down again and pulls out a ladder to crush him again.

DX wants to go back inside and mess with things but the show is sold out. They do however find a couple of scalpers….in the form of Cryme Tyme. HHH has no idea what they’re saying, but Shawn channels Ms. Nanny from the Muppet Babies by speaking jive (with HHH being completely lost) to get the tickets they need. HHH: “For shizzle!” Cryme Tyme: “……..ok?”

Carlito discovers the Daily Star girls (who don’t wear much in the papers) and here’s Torrie Wilson with two of the Daily Star girls in person. They’re going out tonight and Torrie offers him the chance to crash with her. Carlito: “THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!”

We look back at Cena being beaten down.

Survivor Series rundown, including Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker in a first blood match.

DX is giving away shirts (and has a large sausage) in the back. They head into the arena with more shirts and toss them to the crowd, with HHH throwing them one to a rather pretty brunette. I’d guess she’s about 15 here, meaning it would be about eight and a half years before I married her.

Post break, DX is now in the front row.

Lita vs. Mickie James

Non-title but hang on because she has a special rule: Mickie has to wrestle with her legs shackled together. Coach brings out the shackles, which he just happened to have lying around. Mickie says that’s cool but Lita is the one who needs her legs tied together. Lita takes her down without much trouble and hammers away, followed by the stomping. DX starts doing various chants that I don’t understand so Lita goes over to yell.

HHH hands her the sausage (hush) and sprays mustard in her face (I repeat my hush), allowing Mickie to hit her in the face with the sausage. The MickieDT is good for the pin, with Grisham suggesting that Lita knows about being hit in the face with a sausage. Gee they seem to be being especially mean to her lately.

Rated-RKO comes out with Coach and DX is ejected by a bunch of security (one of whom is better known as Sheamus).

Tag Team Titles: Rated-RKO vs. Ric Flair/Roddy Piper

Flair and Piper are defending but Piper gets jumped before the match, setting up the Conchairto on the floor. That leaves Flair on his own and you know he’s fine with that. Edge takes him down to start and the beatdown is on in a hurry. Orton comes in to hammer away as we have a WOO sign held up by about twenty fans. They head outside with Orton hammering away against the barricade and Edge grabs a chinlock back inside. Flair gets in a low blow and strikes away but Edge spears him down to break up the Figure Four for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was an angle instead of a match for the most part, though it isn’t a surprise that Flair and Piper lost the titles. The worst part here was that Piper was not wrestling as he was sent home from the tour early due to being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which was only found due to him working for WWE after the fans voted him in at Cyber Sunday. I can’t imagine they would have kept the titles much longer, but it would have been a bit better under almost any other circumstances.

Post match DX runs in for the beatdown, including taking down security, with Sheamus taking the Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it was certainly an eventful show and the DX bounty story worked fine as a one off story. Rated-RKO winning something helps them a bit and having stars that big winning the titles should give them a bit of a boost. Outside of Cryme Tyme, it isn’t like there is a regular team worth getting the belts (and they don’t really need them) so this was about as good of a move as they had. Not the best show, but quite a few things happened here, which can make for a good show.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 3, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,993
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Then Rob Van Dam and Sabu got pulled over and the police found a bunch of drugs, meaning they had to be punished. This is quite the problem when you’re the WWE Champion and have a title defense coming up in a few weeks. Tonight will probably deal with the fallout so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s DX’s parody and their most recent humiliation of the McMahons.

DX arrives in the parking lot and is greeted by Jonathan Coachman and a bunch of security guards. Vince McMahon has barred them from appearing on the show tonight and Shawn Michaels wants to know what they’re supposed to do tonight. HHH has an idea and the team walks away. I have a bad feeling about this.

Opening sequence.

Here are Edge and Lita for an opening chat. Edge promises that he is going to own the summer and tomorrow night, he is getting his shot against Rob Van Dam. Then it’s on to Saturday Night’s Main Event where he will defend against Van Dam and John Cena. Those two are like the Philadelphia Phillies and the Philadelphia Eagles, with various insults ensuing. For tonight though, Lita is going to show Torrie Wilson what a cover girl is supposed to look like and Edge is in a triple threat tag team match.

Edge is about to announce his partner but here’s Cena to beat him up. Cue Van Dam, who has heard about how close he was to tapping out. He’s a fighting champion, so Cena can have a title shot tonight. Edge says that’s not fair because he would lose his title shot tomorrow night if Cena wins. That’s cool with Van Dam, so let’s do Saturday Night’s Main Event tonight with a triple threat title match. Edge promises that the next WWE Champion will be Rated R, but Van Dam says the next champion will be Rated RVD. Maybe he does need the suspension to clear his head a bit.

Vince McMahon arrives in the back with Coach greeting him. DX is indeed gone, much to Vince’s approval. The two of them walk inside….and DX drives up in a convertible with women in the back. Where did they get the car?

Batista is back this Friday.

Lita vs. Torrie Wilson

Lita suplexes her down for two to start and gets the same off a Russian legsweep. A knee to the back lets Lita mock her a bit so Torrie slaps her in the face. The comeback is on with some clotheslines but the referee takes the Stink Face by mistake. Lita DDTs her to end the annoyance.

Vince yells at Coach about making sure DX is gone. It feels like a ghost town around here and Vince wants to know what is going on.

Spirit Squad vs. Eugene/Jim Duggan/Viscera/Val Venis/Gene Snitsky

What a horrible assortment of losers, but at least they have the matching cheerleader uniforms. Nicky and Venis start things off and some cheap shots from the apron have Val in early trouble. A suplex allows Venis to make the tag off to Eugene but Johnny comes in off the blind tag to kick him down.

It’s off to Kenny for a jumping back elbow and Mitch comes in for the cover. The rotating beatdown ensues until Kenny misses a splash in the corner. The hot tag brings in Snitsky to clean house as everything breaks down. Duggan gets a rather strong reaction but is sent outside in a hurry. A top rope legdrop/Swanton combination finishes Snitsky.

Rating: D. There’s only so much you can get out of this but it’s the kind of thing that the Squad needed after so many bad losses. The menagerie of numskulls getting to lose to the Squad doesn’t have anything else going on so this wasn’t quite the devastating defeat. It’s going to give the Squad a bit of a push to their next loss to DX though so this is as good as it’s going to get for them at the moment.

We go back to the parking lot where DX is having a 4^th of July bash with Shawn working the grill and the women nearby. We get various hot dog jokes about McMahon and DX, but HHH sees Mr. Fuji over there. Shawn: “I LOVE MR. FUJI!” Shawn goes over to see him so HHH has some women come up and flash a WWE bus driver (with the camera not doing the best job of covering things up as the girls walk off). Shawn comes back and is disappointed by the lack of Mr. Fuji. As for the Spirit Squad, they can come out here and take their beating whenever they like.

Highlanders vs. Rob Conway/Matt Striker

Rory headbutts Striker down to start and hammers away in the corner, complete with putting his kilt over Striker’s face. Robbie come in for a Junkyard Dog style headbutt to Conway, who has to suplex his way to freedom. Striker is good without coming back in though, leaving Conway to take the Scot Drop (double fireman’s carry into a faceplant) for the pin. Short and inoffensive as a way to get the team’s feet wet.

Candice Michelle comes up to HHH as Shawn is off in the TV production truck. HHH seems to have some issues standing and then Candice has the same problem. Various issues ensue, complete with Candice shouting YES over and over. They both seem rather relieved and two women pop up from underneath the table. That’s rather risque for this era.

Post break, Shawn tells HHH to come into the control truck, with Candice and the other two girls going with them. There are cameras all over the arena and after having the women get to know one of the production guys over there, Shawn sits down and starts pushing buttons. The feed goes out but they’re still on the air.

Vince goes to the restroom and of course there is a camera in there, which of course WWE has access to. Vince gives commentary (Andre the Giant is mentioned) but Coach comes in to say that Vince is on camera (with Coach’s leg being moistened), freaking the boss out.

Post break here is Vince in the ring to talk about how humiliating last week is. DX is out there in the parking lot with their barbecue but now they are humiliating him and that’s too much. The mic cuts out and we get some noises, as Vince isn’t happy again.

Vince’s voice is suddenly very high pitched before going to the other direction, with Vince saying he sounds like Darth Vader. Then we get a picture of a rooster drawn on screen, with a word balloon saying “I LOVE COCKS”. HHH’s voice comes over the loud speaker and he says DX can humiliate him even further….so we see last week’s human waste drop again. Vince tells Coach to go deal with this so we see Shawn knocking Coach down with the door of the production truck.

The livid Vince makes DX vs. the Spirit Squad in an elimination tag. That sounds like a very bad idea and the laughter sound effects seem to agree. Then we get crickets instead of Vince’s music, which starts up a few seconds later….and is soon replaced by Stand Back. As funny as this kind of thing is going to get and was a long way around to set up a match that sounds like it should be a Raw main event.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito

Nitro is defending and we get some extensive replays of Melina’s entrance. Carlito is taken into the corner to start and Nitro claims a poke to the eye before getting in a cheap shot. The dancing legdrop sets up the chinlock as Lawler talks about Melina’s maracas. Carlito fights up without much trouble with a clothesline and the springboard back elbow. The Backstabber connects but Melina comes in for the DQ.

Post match here’s Trish to start the catfight with Carlito standing back and watching. More replays, this time of Trish running to the ring and the brawl, ensue.

Paul Heyman isn’t sure about Rob Van Dam doing this but Van Dam believes in himself and ECW. Van Dam leaves and Heyman gives him that Brock Lesnar/Big Show Survivor Series 2002 look.

We meet the Diva Search finalists, including Maryse, Layla, Milena (Rosa Mendes) and various others.

Vince doesn’t care about Coach being banged up because he’s leaving and wants Coach to get the limo ready.

Umaga vs. Scott Wright

DX interrupts Armando Alejandro Estrada’s promo with a merchandise plug. Umaga would be a better enforcer for Vince than the Spirit Squad. The Samoan Spike finishes Wright in a little over a minute.

Post match, DX interrupts Estrada’s promo again, this time with various sound effects.

Vince gets in the limo….and a bunch of fireworks go off from it, complete with green smoke. After the driver pulls Vince, covered in smoke and green paint, DX pops up with American flags and sparklers. Happy Fourth of July.

This Week In Wrestling: the NWO debuts.

Here’s Randy Orton for a chat. He was inspired by the NWO video, but not as excited as he was by Brooke Hogan’s music video last week. That would be Hulk Hogan’s 18 year old daughter mind you. Hulk is going to pick Brooke’s date on an upcoming episode of Hogan Knows Best, and if Orton gets to be the pick, he’ll show Brooke why he’s a legend. Oh dear.

Edge says he’s going to win a title, unlike Philadelphia.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and Edge gets double teamed in the corner to start. Rob and Cena start taking turns, with Van Dam hitting a running spinwheel kick in the corner. Edge gets tossed outside and we take an early break. Back with Edge breaking up Van Dam’s superplex attempt on Cena, who crashes out to the floor. The cartwheel moonsault gives Van Dam two on Edge but Cena pulls Edge outside for a whip into the steps. Rob is right there with a dive onto Cena but Edge is back in to break up the FU on Van Dam.

Cena loads up Edge in a suplex until Van Dam takes both of them down. A double clothesline puts all three down and it’s a three way slugout from their knees. Rob is sent outside and Cena initiates the finishing sequence on Edge. The FU puts Edge on the floor so Lita brings in a chair, earning herself an FU of her own. Van Dam is back in with the Van Daminator to Cena but the Five Star misses. There’s the FU to Van Dam but Edge is in with a belt shot to Cena for the pin on Van Dam and the title.

Rating: B. They kept things moving here and the match was better than I would have bet on as a result. Above all else they weren’t out there too long with the match only running about eleven minutes. Edge winning is quite the big moment and it’s the first time the title has changed hands on Raw since 2001. Good match here, as Van Dam’s main event push loses a leg in a single night.

Cut to a STUNNED Cena fan for a great visual as Edge celebrates (with Lita still down) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Aside from the main event, which I liked quite a bit, this was a one note show with the entire night being about DX vs. Vince. That doesn’t exactly make for the best night, though there were at least some funny jokes. It isn’t a good feud because DX feels like they’re toying with Vince and the Spirit Squad, but it hasn’t gone on long enough to completely overstay its welcome. This week used up a lot of that mileage though, as this was a pretty rough show.

As for the title change, I’m not sure how much longer Van Dam was going to be champion anyway, as his title reign seemed to be little more than a way to warm up the debuting ECW. I can’t imagine him making it all the way to Summerslam as champion so there is a good chance that the title change would have gone the same way at Saturday Night’s Main Event. Either way, Van Dam looks like a moron for screwing up the biggest push of his career and it’s pretty hard to feel sorry for him.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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This is one of the first non-Big Four shows I ever did so please bare with me on how bad it is.

Bad Blood 2004
Date: June 13, 2004
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators; Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is really just to get this show from any year off my list of shows. We have two main events here, one of which is the World Title match as Benoit defends against Kane. Naturally though we can’t have the guy with amazing talent or the belt headlining a show, so we also have HHH and Shawn in a feud that just wouldn’t die in the Cell.

This was another show where HHH was highly looked down upon for his ego, as Benoit, the guy that was more over and better than HHH was in the ring, was pushed to the side so HHH and Shawn can have a FORTY FIVE MINUTE Cell match. Yes, I’m going to have to watch these two go at it for 45 minutes in there. Just take me now. Let’s get to it.

And hey what a shock: the main video talks about Shawn and HHH far more than the world champion. So Shawn and HHH are going to have to do a lot to end this feud. Oh and that Benoit guy is doing something too. It should be noted that ONLY these two matches are even talked about in the opening video.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Edge/Chris Benoit

Dupree is now replaced by Rob Conway. King is wearing a purple jacket. You can tell it’s a slow night as Benoit is pulling a double shift tonight. Good night Lillian looks amazing in blue. So we have two Canadians vs. a team from French Canada. Why must we always have Canadian on Canadian violence? Edge and Sylvan start us off.

The talent and championship differences amaze me here. Benoit gets a great pop coming in. This is the rematch from when Edge and Benoit lost the titles to the French guys after beating Evolution for them. DANG Benoit could chop like there was no tomorrow. Naturally the heels take over to prevent the fans from thinking we were doing anything other than the standard tag team formula. We talk about John Glenn for no apparent reason. Oh he’s from Columbus. That makes sense at least.

They’re keeping Benoit out which makes sense as you have to let him save up strength. Edge gets an AWESOME counter to a double suplex as he lands on his feet and hits a double neckbreaker. That was freaking sweet. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter but it’s broken up at the last minute. Benoit now gets the Crossface on Grenier and holds it for about 40 seconds without the tap.

Great way to plug the move there guys. Kane comes out for the DQ though which at least makes sense here. He chokeslams Benoit and I want to break that bell guy. Kane vs. Benoit sounds really good actually. Into the stairs goes the champion as Kane leaves.

Rating: C+. I like Benoit and Edge so this worked fine for me. It also tied into the main match later on so there’s some continuity there which is always a good thing. This was a nice little refresher to set up for later in the show, but it also shows that the rosters can’t manage to do a whole show by themselves. Also, there was no way the titles were changing here so there was no drama. Still though, not bad at all.

We see Coachman getting ready in the back. He has Eugene tonight in what I’m sure will be a classic. He’s wearing a Michigan shirt and hat to draw cheap heat which is fine. Eugene hears Bischoff run him down and Bischoff plays the nice guy to make the save. Dinsmore, the guy that plays Eugene, really is talented and it’s a shame he has to put up with this. The idiocy of this gimmick is simple: a slow guy is wrestling. That just sums up the whole reason why this failed.

Chris Jericho vs. Tomko

Short version: Jericho is feuding with Christian because of Trish, Tomko works for Christian, Christian is hurt so we have Tomko left to fight for Christian. Jericho of course has bad ribs as is the requirement for a popular face. Trish is just ridiculously hot as a heel. This is more or less Jericho carrying things as he has to since he’s the only one in there with that pesky little thing called talent.

Tomko gets a nice gutbuster on Jericho to take over. There’s some black thing in the ring that’s driving me crazy. Tomko takes over again with a Boss Man Slam. That move is so simple and it works so well. I love moves like that. He really needs to grow his hair back. He just looks bad with it all short. After some Trish interference, we get the running enziguri and gets the pin. Well that was uneventful.

Rating: D+. This should have been on Raw but because of the single brand shows we get this instead which isn’t worth paying for. Jericho had the longest feud in history with Christian. Ok so it’s not even close but it felt like it. This was fine but just felt like a Raw match, which is never a good thing.

We recap Orton vs. Shelton which more or less was Shelton pinned Orton twice then Orton had Batista half kill him. Orton says that he’s a legend and he’s had the longest title reign in seven years. That’s really impressive actually. He walks into the arena and screams about how great he is to the crowd, all in one promo.

This is really awesome actually as Orton was just amazing in this role. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO HIM??? He went from being this brash young rookie that knew how awesome he was and said he was better than everyone else and he was great at it. Why change that? Oh yeah he was getting over on Raw and we can’t have that, so sayeth HHH’s #1 commandment.

This was just when Shelton was gaining credibility. He has half the mic skills he has now and that’s saying a lot. The match is supposed to happen later but we’re doing it right now.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Randy Orton

I like the booking here. It’s different and makes you feel like anything can happen. That’s painfully missing from modern wrestling and this was just five and a half years ago. There is a freaking gorgeous blonde in the front row. I need to go to Columbus more often. This is another thing the modern company is missing: well established midcard guys.

I get that Kofi and Miz are there, but they just don’t feel up to what these guys are. After a missed Stinger Splash from Shelton, here’s Flair who looks OLD all of a sudden. Orton hits the chinlock. I wonder if he gets paid per usage of that. He follows it up with a nice move as he sets for a shoulder breaker but shifts his arms forward to get a great falling neckbreaker instead. That looked great and it was one of the moves I used on Smackdown vs. Raw back in the day.

And we’re back in the chinlock again. Orton is a perfect example of the WWE anymore: flashes of brilliance but then the same old stuff all over again. Shelton bases a lot of his in ring work on that of Sting, meaning that he’s awesome. He makes his comeback and there’s a key to it: I’m buying it. They’ve managed to get me into this match and that’s all I can ask for. That Dragon Whip never gets old. The Splash hits this time and there’s the T-Bone but naturally Flair makes the save.

He really was so annoying back then and it got on a lot of people’s nerves including me as it was always the same thing. Shelton brings him in and beats him up as we get a thin reference to Sting. Shelton, ever the candidate for a Rhodes Scholarship, puts Flair in the figure four.

Just to show off though, while still having the hold on Flair, he hooks a small package on Orton for two. Ok that was cool. He hits a top rope crossbody in another of Sting’s old favorites but Orton rolls through and hooks the tights in a Flair move for the win.

Rating: B-. This was fun. I liked the middle with Shelton and Orton just going at it, but I could have done without Flair. I get that it fits the storyline, but Flair just got annoying by this point and wouldn’t leave well enough alone ever and it hurt the match for me. Orton would be world champion in three months.

Matt is with Lita who would soon screw him (and half the locker room) over. Matt gets thrown out of the arena because Bischoff thinks he’s going to interfere in Kane’s match.

Apparently the Cell is a soul searching event. HHH vs. Shawn is the storied rivalry of all time of the month.

Women’s Title: Trish vs. Lita vs. Gail Kim vs. Victoria

All four are too hot for words with Trish somehow possibly being the fourth best looking at the moment. Victoria is champion here. Trish vs. Lita never gets old especially when later this year they main evented Raw. That’s saying a lot and I don’t mean it was the last match and then there was a big angle to end the show. I

mean Trish vs. Lita for the title was the last thing you saw to end the show and it was built up all night. It was a very cool moment and I completely bought into it. Gail gets an AWESOME hold on Victoria. More or less it’s a headscissors combined with a crossface combined with an armbar but cooler than it sounds. Lita and Victoria botch something and we have no Trish for a long time, signaling that she’ll be winning. Yep there she is to roll up Lita for the title out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. They all looked great but other than that it was just your run of the mill Divas match but with four girls that could actually work which is the best case scenario.  Nothing more thant hat.

We recap Eugene vs. Coach which more or less is recapping Eugene. Now I’ve gone off about this before but I have to again as it makes sense here. Around this time, Eugene was the hottest character in the freaking world. I marked out for him like there was no tomorrow. He was a wrestling savant and it worked like a charm.

The idea was simple: the guy was mentally handicapped but he could outwrestle Regal. Bischoff put Regal with him as his manager and Eugene grows on him, making it like a cheesy but good movie. Rock came out one night and said he was Eugene’s friend, as did Chris Benoit. The whole thing worked at a ridiculously amazing level. Tonight he has Coach and in case you’re an idiot and can’t see this coming: Eugene wins.

Right there, that should have been the end of Eugene’s character. Either have him get injured, have him get hit in the head and become smart, or write him off and repackage him and pretend he was never slow or have him act like it was an act, but in no way, shape or form should this have continued beyond tonight. Actually wait. There is one way it could have continued: Regal and Eugene win the tag belts, which they eventually did.

That I could actually see as no one cared about La Resistance anyway, but after THAT, it goes no farther. Instead do you know who he feuded with next? He feuded with HHH, resulting in a 20 minute match at Summerslam. Let me spell this out for you.

At Summerslam, HHH, the Cerebral Assassin, the man that’s going to break Flair’s world title record, the guy that’s been in 5 Hell in a Cell matches as of this show, the guy that’s main evented at least three Wrestlemanias that I can think of, one of the best wrestlers ever, spent 20 minutes fighting a slow guy at the second biggest show of the year. Take a guess as to how the fans reacted to that.

Eugene got more heat than anyone I can remember in a LONG time. It’s the same thing WWE did with Santino. They had a good thing going but then they screwed it up by pushing him too far. He had no business even talking to guys like Batista. They screwed up Eugene even worse though by having him hang with HHH for a long time.

It completely bombed and they got lucky that he destroyed his knee and had to leave for 6 months. Anyway, that’s all later as right now he’s one of the most over guys on the roster so he’s got a match here.

Coach vs. Eugene

I think I smell a comedy match. Eugene’s song is so completely catchy that I’m going to have it in my head all night now. We get a massive Eugene chant. See what I mean? The guy was OVER. JR pushes home the idea that we all grew up wrestling fans and how cool it would be to get to wrestle someday on PPV. How can you not love that?

The fact that he really was a talented technical wrestler (in OVW he more or less wrestled the exact same style Benoit did and made it work perfectly well. The guy can go in the ring.) made it even better because it was actually believable that he was just imitating what he had seen over the years. Yes, I was a huge Eugene mark and still am for his old stuff.

In a funny spot Coach tries to shake his hand and gets brought to his knees by Eugene’s strength. In a unique spot, Eugene goes for a monkey flip and then locks his legs around his arms to make himself into a little ball. Coach rolls him around for a bit and then as he’s yelling at Eugene, Eugene pops his arm up, grabs Coach and flips him over with his legs for a rollup. It sounds stupid but that was awesome. I can’t stop laughing at this.

The fans start another Eugene chant to answer why he’s on this show. There’s nothing wrong with a comedy character. We get a criss cross and Eugene hits the floor and gets a teddy bear from the hot chick I mentioned earlier. Coach apparently doesn’t realize Eugene is gone for about 30 seconds.

Apparently he didn’t notice the overly large man at ringside in incredibly small electric blue tights hugging a stuffed bear, but then again I’m no coach. Anyone fighting Eugene had such an easy time getting heat. THEY’RE HITTING A SLOW GUY. And a random hot chick in a bikini brings out a plate of cookies.

Coach, who called the girl out, slams Eugene into the cookies. Coach slams Eugene into the turnbuckle, and it’s time. Eugene Hulks Up, but here’s Garrison (Lance) Cade for the interference. He rips the bear from earlier in half and Coach jumps the distracted Eugene. It doesn’t work though and a Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow ends this. Cade gets an awful Stunner after it. Regal comes out to congratulate him and Coach takes a somewhat better but still terrible Stunner.

Rating: B+. If anyone agrees here I’ll be shocked. I know it’s stupid but I love this guy. When he stays in comedy territory, it’s just a fun character and it works every time for me. Like I said, few are going to agree and I don’t care.

We recap Benoit vs. Kane which is Kane is jealous of Benoit for living his dream. It didn’t need much of a story, but in reality it’s Benoit needs a credibly challenger to further establish himself as champion so we get Kane so Shawn doesn’t have to job to him. Yeah that’s it.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kane

I love how he just holds up the belt and points at it. That’s simple yet effective which describes a lot about Benoit. DANG that little man can throw some chops! I’ve always been a fan of Kane’s for stuff like this. You need a guy to come in and be a credible jobber: bring in Kane. The guy has laid down for so many people over the years that it’s not even funny.

Benoit goes for the arm and that just completely fails. This is a very physical match but the good thing is you have two guys that can wrestle that style which makes it work far better. Kane just keeps powering out of submissions which is so simple that it’s perfect.

We have a good story here: Benoit can’t get the submissions and Kane knows it so he doesn’t have to be afraid of the champion’s usual offense so he has to adjust things to get the win while Kane is comfortable with his usual stuff, therefore giving him the advantage. Kane hits a chinlock and Benoit fights out of it so Kane just SMACKS him. It looked and sounded awesome yet it was so simple. I love that.

Kane is dominating here in case you couldn’t tell. And never mind as he sends Kane into the post and he goes THUD. That sounded awesome. These guys are pounding the tar out of each other and it’s making the match. Lawler wants to have a telethon for some reason. Benoit finally wakes up and hammers on the knee. Sorry for a lack of jokes here but it’s a good match, making it hard to joke about. Kane counters the Sharpshooter with power, which again is a STORY.

He finally gets the Sharpshooter to a huge pop. Shawn’s will be bigger though of course, because only he and HHH can get the biggest pops of the night of course. Remember that. And we hit the Germans which never gets old. Kane gets two sets of them for six in total which is scary strength from Benoit. There’s your headbutt and Benoit is down too. After getting out of the crossface Kane finally hits the chokeslam for two.

Kane goes old school (WOOT!) and tries a tombstone but settles for a big boot instead. Benoit FINALLY gets the crossface off the Kane lariat though and Kane’s arm isn’t even locked. It looks terrible but how many people can actually see that? In an AWESOME spot, Kane stands up off the Crossface so Benoit just slides across his back and goes for the other arm before just rolling him up off the crossface for the quick pin. That is BRILLIANT psychology there in case you were wondering.

Think about it: Benoit had been using nothing but submissions all night and hadn’t even gone for a cover after his big moves. He tries another submission and while Kane is so preoccupied with fighting it off he shifts to the rollup and gets the pin. That’s thinking in the ring and it ties into the entire match, which is what you call storytelling. Brilliant stuff there.

Rating: B+. I really liked this. While it’s not epic or a classic or anything, this is a very good match. The storytelling was there and you had two guys working hard and being physical which is all I can ask for. I like both guys too so that helps a lot. This was as good as it could have been and was proof that the title match can work without HHH or one of his goons, yet they would have the title back in just a few months, which of course sucks but it’s life so there we are. Great match and worth seeing.

Ad for the HOF DVD. This was the first year they resurrected that thing and made it into the worthless thing that it is today, rather than the very worthless thing that it was before.

In something that I’d like to see more often, we go to the back with Todd and Benoit and Benoit looks at some footage of the match and says what he was thinking at that time as Todd more or less throws him some softball questions. It’s basic stuff, but it’s nice to hear it from the guy that was in the ring 3 minutes ago doing it. He throws in the Benoit is for real line he was using over the summer and leaves holding up the belt.

There’s no one walking in and it’s just Benoit talking about the win. I don’t know why but this was cool to me and I’d love to see it more often. It’s like 90 seconds so it serves as a little cool aside to the match and doesn’t take up much time. Naturally I don’t ever remember seeing it otherwise.

And with an hour left in the show we’re lowering the Cell. This is going to hurt isn’t it?

We recap the feud that would never die which here is because both guys tapped to Benoit or something. Again this is just a way for these two to upstage Benoit, because no matter how good of a match he just had, he can’t get past a Cell match, and of course Shawn and HHH couldn’t just go one on one or something simple like that as Benoit’s match might outshine them. When you hear people talk about Benoit not getting a fair shot as champion, this is the show they’re talking about.

Here’s Benoit’s title reign, which lasted about four months (remember the rosters alternated months on PPV in these days): Wins title at Mania, rematch at Backlash so it’s Shawn and HHH again, this show, vs. HHH at Vengeance, loses at Summerslam. Every single show where he was champion either had HHH and/or Shawn in the main event until he lost. HHH did what Hogan did after Mania 6: he stayed.

There was no need for HHH to stay in the main event all summer long and it’s why Benoit’s title reign sucked. No one bought him as champion because HHH, the bigger star, wouldn’t step out of the way to allow Benoit to become a bigger star and it killed Benoit’s credibility until next year he was right back in the midcard “where he belonged.”

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

HHH is wearing white boots and black tights. That’s just criminal. The fans are kind of split here which is interesting. Naturally it starts off really slow with regular stuff where the cage is pointless. We hit the floor where you can see a small hole in the Cell which is odd. HHH is bleeding and nearly fifteen minutes in we get something other than fists and bad cage shots between these two. The greatness they bring in is a chair.

And Shawn’s back is hurting. Can we get anything original with him please? Maybe a legit knee injury? He’s never had one of those before. We go really hardcore with STAIRS. Shawn is bleeding pretty badly now too. HHH has more or less stopped bleeding at this point. We have over half an hour of this left too. HHH dominates and they keep saying the match should be stopped. We have a sleeper in a Hell in a Cell match.

The match is ok, but this just shows one thing to me: this did not need to be a Cell match at all. This completely could have been no holds barred or a street fight or anything like that. It’s pure overkill and nothing but a way to have a really long match and make sure that everyone knows that these two are THE top guys on the roster. HHH takes a chair shot and is bleeding a lot harder now which helps a bit. And now we have a ladder.

Seriously, what’s the point of all these weapons WHEN YOU HAVE A CELL AROUND YOU? Shawn needs to bleed a lot more as it’s not working at this rate. It’s table time as the Cell hasn’t been used in over 20 minutes now. The only thing it’s doing here is blocking the view of the camera of this street fight. Now we’ve reached the part of big time matches that I absolutely hate: the laying around between nothing but finishers part.

This is my major criticism of Austin/Rock III at Mania 19: it’s a 19 minute match and about 10 of that is nothing but finisher, two count, finisher, two count, repeat. That’s what they do here as we’re about over 40 minutes. Yeah about 1/3 of this show (as remember it won’t go 3 hours) is this match.

Oh and here’s your Shawn and HHH are great moment of the match: it takes THREE Pedigrees to end Shawn after a 45 minute match. Yeah, this isn’t all about them AT ALL. This again is why people got so fed up with HHH around this time, right here. HHH wins with a third Pedigree.

Rating: B-. This was WAY too long. It did nothing but cement the theory that HHH and Shawn only cared about themselves and were just clinging to their spots. There’s a big myth in wrestling that long means good which isn’t the case at all. This was good but it needed to be about 20 minutes shorter which could have gone to another match on the card. Oh that’s right: THERE WEREN’T ANY OTHERS BECAUSE THE SINGLE BRAND SHOWS WERE FREAKING STUPID!

Instead we get nearly an hour of Shawn and HHH making themselves look better than anyone else on the roster because they need the ego boosts. Yeah the match was ok, but it didn’t need to be in the Cell. It’s like when you’re playing basketball against a kid. Sure you can easily beat him, but that doesn’t mean it’s supposed to be done. Benoit needed to come out of this show looking great but instead this match is really all that’s remembered and I refuse to believe that that wasn’t intentional.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a hard one as it was back and forth with B and B-. It’s definitely a good show but far from great. Benoit and Kane were completely forgotten by HHH and Shawn not so much stealing the show but hijacking it. There was just no need for them to have either 48 minutes or the Cell here at all. I mean it just wasn’t needed at all. Those two were notorious for hogging the spotlight and they did it here again.

The match was ok but it needed to lose about 20 minutes to be really good as there was just WAY too much laying around and setting up stuff. Make that a 25 minute street fight and it’s an easy A. There really isn’t a bad match on the card but there’s nothing great either. Check out Kane/Benoit but if you watch the Cell, be prepared to hit fast forward a good amount.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Date: September 21, 2003
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 10,347
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a request so I almost had to do it. The main event here is Goldberg vs. HHH as we’re in the middle of the worst year in recent memory for the company. This was mainly on the Raw side as HHH just would not allow anyone not named Shawn Michaels to do a stupid thing. He had matches with Goldberg, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash. Let that sink in a bit. Let’s get to this so we can get it over with.

The opening video is about revenge since people are unforgiven. Is that even a word outside of the WWE world? There’s also Shane vs. Kane in their never ending feud that few wanted to see. This is a Raw show in case you missed that.

Ross is WAY too excited to be here. He’s wearing a Sooners jersey for no apparent reason.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

This is a handicap elimination tables match as La Resistance have Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway and Rene Dupree. This was supposed to be a 6 man but the heels botched a table spot on Spike on Raw where the threw him over the top and missed the table entirely other than the back of Spike’s head smacking into the table in a SICK looking spot. And we have tags in a tables match. Sure why not?

You can tell this is a long time ago as they’re only 16 time tag champions here. Sweet goodness that’s ridiculous sounding. D-Von and Grenier, who is by far the worst of the three, start us off. And now it’s Conway. Thank you for wasting our time like that. He’s an American that is a French sympathizer. We get the eternal question of why do the French love Jerry Lewis movies. That’s a great question and I’ve yet to get an answer to it.

For a tables match there is a severe lack of tables in it so far. It’s just a handicap match with the Dudleys being way ahead. The double neckbreaker hits and so does What’s Up. Still no tables. There are no disqualifications in this, yet they have to tag. I’ll never get that. Ah here we go. D-Von gets sent through so it’s only Bubba left. They’re not eliminated though. Bubba is WAY over here which is odd to an extent. There are a ton of tables here.

Bubba, from his knees, slaps the heck out of Sylvan’s chest. That sounded GREAT. He goes through the table so it’s 2-1 I guess you could say. Wait…are they eliminated? Oh does it really matter? Well there’s D-Von and the referee is fine with it so I’m thinking no. Wait it’s No DQ so it doesn’t matter if they’re eliminated or not.

Conway goes through it and in nearly the same spot he hurt Spike in, he hits HIS head on the table. FREAKING OW! It’s Bubba vs. Dupree here more or less and since it’s both Dudleys vs. him, what do you expect? Actually Rene wins for the most part and gets to set up a table. He’s 19 here but walks into 3D to give the Dudleys the belts.

Rating: D+. Well this wasn’t that bad but it could have been on Raw. Well maybe not as it actually got over ten minutes. This wasn’t anything special but it made the Dudleys look strong here which is the right idea. It’s nothing special but it’s fine for what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain that much.

We get a MUSIC VIDEO about Scott Steiner vs. Test. The idea is Stacy Keibler was Test’s marketer or whatever and then she decided she “loved” Scott Steiner but Test turned heel and wouldn’t let her go. They had a match for possession of Stacy which Steiner won and then Test beat her up on Raw. Then Test won her back. You have to love the human trafficking going on here.

Scott Steiner vs. Test

Well at least we get a great outfit on Stacy. Dang and Steiner was fighting with HHH for the world title at the Rumble about 7 months before this. That should tell you everything you need to know about both that match and the rematch. Apparently people in Kuwait are pulling for Steiner here. If Steiner wins he gets Stacy and if Test wins Steiner becomes his property. Again: Human Trafficking complete with tights.

Stacy hugs Scott before the match and I really couldn’t care less (and yes I mean it that way) about this match. Test tries a leap frog or something and gets slammed/suplexed for his efforts. Something tells me this is going to be BAD. How stupid is Stacy? Steiner says he only cares about his freaks and his peaks, so SURELY he’s being sincere about wanting to be with her right? Test is dominating here and keeps talking trash to Stacy.

I love the full nelson slam. It’s just an awesome looking move all around. Test does the push-ups to be a jerk which is kind of funny. Ross says Steiner has character. That’s rather amusing. Steiner makes a comeback but a low blow ends that. Given the amount of steroids he was on I’m surprised he felt it.

The Pumphandle Slam finally hits but Stacy distracts him. Test pulls the turnbuckle pad off so the referee has to fix it. He gets a chair, Stacy takes it and accidentally nails Scott with it. The big boot ends it. Steiner would turn heel the next night and team with Test and “share” Stacy, which is what Stacy wanted in the first place, making this entirely pointless.

Rating: D. Not much here at all. This just wasn’t interesting and could very easily have been done on Raw. That’s a common problem with the single brand shows as there simply wasn’t enough talent to go around to support a 3 hour PPV show with PPV quality matches. That’s a bad sign and you’ll see more of it later on.

Ad for a Trish DVD.

Ross, you look like an idiot in that jersey. You really do.

We recap Shawn vs. Orton. It’s Legend vs. Legend Killer. What more explanation do you need here? It’s weird seeing Orton being all cocky like this. To say he was awesome in this roll is an understatement. Shawn says he’s a millionaire in this package. How did he lose that in I believe 5 years to the point where he needed JBL’s money?

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

We’re in the Evolution Era here so Flair is with Orton. There’s no Batista though due to an injury but he would be back very soon. They do some decent mat stuff to start which isn’t something you see out of Orton that often. Shawn is being goofy here as he does the whole lounging on the top rope bit which is always funny for some reason. We hear a lot about Orton vs. Foley which I can’t wait to get to as that was a great feud that went on for a long time.

Orton skins the cat which has to be the best name for an over the top return to the ring spot not involving the feet hitting the floor or the top rope ever. I mean what else comes close to it? Shawn counters a double axe off the top into an atomic drop. Then he skins the cat just to be a jerk like only he can be. Now he dives off the top. In case you can’t tell, Shawn is dominating here. There’s a German, which I can’t remember Shawn using otherwise.

I love when guys throw out random moves because they’re perfect. Why do you have to use a signature move when something you don’t do a lot is far more convenient ‘and makes more sense? The only answer I can think of is because it’s how the WWE tells them to do. Guys like Shawn can get away with it because they’re guys like Shawn. Flair interferes like an annoying pest and sets up Orton to be able to work on the arm. Orton does a nice job of controlling the arm.

Pay no attention to that though as we literally are getting the life story of Shawn Michaels for the last 2 minutes or so. We hear about how great he was when he was champion and how many big guys he beat and all that jazz. The attention that he got back then was maddening. Seriously with all the heart that Shawn has he really should see a cardiologist. That big of a heart can’t be normal. He goes insane and beats up Orton on the floor as you can more or less feel Flair getting ready to run in.

Before I even finish that line he does but it doesn’t matter. RKO gets two and MICHAELS IS EPIC! Ross, the brilliant football mind that he is, calls then Florida coach RON Zook JOHN Zook. Oh look: it’s Flair again. The elbow hits and we hear more about HEART. Is he Ma-Ti from Captain Planet or something?

He nips up and the kick connects. He gets the pin but Flair puts his foot on the ropes because he’s EVIL. The referees back in the day were freaking IDIOTS. Orton pops Shawn with a foreign object and gets the pin. Sweet goodness the referees sucked at times.

Rating: B-. Solid match here, but I’m still in awe of the idiocy of the referee. That and having Flair interfering in this about a thousand times was just annoying. Flair became such a pest in this time and would never really stop. The match worked quite well though as Shawn was still great at this point having not broken down again. To be fair he didn’t do that at all so there we go. This was good though but idiocy and annoyance hurt it.

Jericho says he’ll stop Steve Austin’s tyranny. He’s a mentor to La Resistance for no apparent reason.

Molly Holly/Gail Kim vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

This feud is more or less about Molly and Gail being jealous of Lita and Trish being insanely popular. Standard stuff to put it mildly. Molly is Women’s Champion here and is actually looking good. Lita was out for almost a year because of a broken neck and now wears khaki shorts. Yep she’s gorgeous. The non-famous girls jump them early and that doesn’t work at all.

This is Lita’s return match. Oh seriously who do you expect to win this? You have two girls that are about as middle of the road as possible and the first two women to main event Raw. Lita and Gail are the actual starters and Lita nips up as we hear about King having a vasectomy. Molly hooks a Dragon Sleeper on Trish which works about as well as you would expect it to. Gail is gorgeous. That’s all there is to it.

Now Gail does a Dragon Sleeper. Trish walks up the turnbuckles and backflips into a reverse DDT. FREAKING SWEET. Molly looks good as a brunette and in blue. Trish manages to beat up both girls on her own since Lita is bleeding from the mouth. Lita gets the mostly warm but partly cloudy with a 30% chance of showers tag. Trish knocks Gail to the floor and Lita hits the moonsault to get the win which was about as predictable as you could expect.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would expect here. Lita was indeed a huge deal as she and Trish were just flat out awesome around this point but the injury took her out for over a year. This was nothing more than a welcome home match and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: announce that Lita is still awesome.

We recap Shane vs. Kane which started because Austin went off on Kane and soon afterwards had his masked ripped off. He then went nuts and lit JR on fire and tombstoned Linda on the stage (any bets on how much her Senate opponent would love that clip?). Shane of course got the first feud with the newly psycho Kane because no one draws face pops like Shane.

Pay no attention to the fact that the crowd got bored out of their mind with this because they had like 3 PPV matches in a row. The problem was that Shane could never hurt Kane but he kept trying anyway. He even threw him into a pit of fire. So then Shane got handcuffed to the post and had his legs pinned down by the stairs.

Kane of course had jumper cables stashed by the ring along with a battery. He electrocuted Shane’s balls. That was the signature moment of this feud and it made a lot of people’s heads hurt. It’s a Last Man Standing match too.

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Shane jumps Kane in the aisle with a chair and it’s on. That’s about 9 shots with it including a jumping one to the head. Shane wisely goes for the knee. That’s smart if nothing else so there we go. This is all Shane so far so I can’t imagine that it’ll last much longer. The beating I mean, as I can’t imagine this is going to be short. Kane’s back is bleeding but he catches Shane in a powerslam from a jump off the barrier that looked pretty bad. Hey I was right as it’s all Kane now.

Shane gets up at 9 from the chokeslam and then Kane kicks the referee in the face by mistake. Kane talks about Shane’s mom, which today would get him on a cable news show. He tries a tombstone on the steps but it gets blocked. Shane sets up the steps on Kane in the corner. Pay no attention to the fact that we already saw that they are hollow as he kicks the bottom of them into Kane’s face with the Coast to Coast. No ref though. Look at my big sad face.

Actually it is sad because it means this goes on. This is NOTHING compared to Shane vs. Angle from the 02 KOTR, but then again not much is. Both guys are down so we get a double count which I don’t think makes sense but whatever. We’re in the aisle now which sounds like a really bad song name for some reason. Shane goes into the set and it sounds loud. That’s about the extent of its good quality. So hey let’s do it again. Then three more of them.

We get it: Shane has heart. What is the deal with the big hearts in this company? I think the Wellness Policy needs a new amendment. This was during the time where the announcers set up by the entrance, so Kane puts Shane beneath the platform they sit on and dumps their table onto Shane. Sure why not. And then he laughs.

See the sentence two before this one. Shane is of course fine and up within about a second, blasting Kane in the head. He uses a boom camera to blast Kane which of course doesn’t work either. Shane chokes him with a cord and knocks him out in front of the set which has a ladder attached. He jumps. He misses. The match ends.

Rating: D+. This was just boring. The bumps are decent at best and Shane is almost always fun to watch, but dang man. There was just NO drama here. When Shane fought Angle, there was a real feeling that Shane could beat him. I know it was unlikely, but there was this feeling that he could pull it off and he got very close a few times. This just didn’t have it and 19 minutes is FAR too long. Not very good, but it’s not a nightmare by any sense of the word. This would go on until Survivor Series.

Shane takes forever to get taken out on a stretcher.

Jericho and Austin talk. Jericho was trying to get in Austin’s head for a long time but of course it never worked. Austin says if Jericho has a problem to take his best shot.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

Christian has the belt here. He beat up both guys when they were having a triple threat match so Austin made it a triple threat. The Canadians made a pact before the match to take out RVD. I’d bet against that working. This is a smark dream match today. Ross says RVD is the best to never be the world champion. How did Heyman never put the belt on him? I can understand being shaky in WWF, but come on. In ECW? SERIOUSLY?

The double teaming actually works to start us off. And so much for that as RVD fights them off. And we’re into math world now. We get RVD vs. Jericho for a bit until Christian gets back up. He wasn’t very good at all yet and was just this young guy that got on people’s nerves. Think of Heath Slater but with short hair and a higher coolness to him. The partnership actually works fairly well here. Ross even calls it a modified handicap match.

That kind of makes sense but whatever. Wow it’s weird seeing Nick Patrick working for the WWE. The crowd isn’t exactly enthralled here. Ross points out that you can’t get counted out in a triple threat. Unless you’re trying to become #1 contender in TNA. We’re told that Shane is going to the hospital. Naturally he’d be on Raw the next night. Jericho took the tape off to choke Van Dan with and he looks weird with a bare arm.

Christian has been gone forever now. After RVD is in the Walls forever, Christian makes his untriumphant return and beats on Jericho, ending the partnership that never was. They would have a solid feud next year though so maybe this is foreshadowing. I love that jumping back elbow for some reason. Christian gets crotched on the top which sounds REALLY bad. The referee counts again and Ross questions why. I bet TNA paid him off.

In a cool spot, RVD hits a drop toehold on Christian to have him on Jericho and then hits a Five Star on both of them, but he doesn’t get a cover for no apparent reason. In an AMAZING looking visual, Jericho is on the top rope and Van Dam hooks an electric chair and Christian comes underneath to add a powerbomb.

The thing is that given how the other two guys were positioned, it looked like an actual powerbomb which looked incredible. Christian gets the belt and holds it in place to have RVD land on it in another Five Star, which is enough to pin Van Dam.

Rating: D+. This got TWENTY MINUTES. Now today it’s a classic. At this point though it’s just a bad idea. Christian was a glorified jobber at this point as he wasn’t ready to hold the title yet. Jericho was in a really weird funk and RVD was his usual hit or miss self. If you cut this in half it goes through the roof, but there were far too many dead spots in this.

HHH talks about fairy tales. He was just horrible at this point.

We recap Coach/Snow vs. Ross/Lawler. Yes, that’s the next match. They’re feuding because the former two want to host Raw so they’re trying to take over. They host Heat if that makes sense. Yep, this is a match.

Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler vs. Al Snow/Jonathan Coachman

The winner to do the announcing for Raw. Yes, they asked people to pay $34.95 for this. There’s no commentary for this. I think I can get by without the extra jokes somehow. The wrestlers start and Lawler kind of botches a rollup. Ok then. The lack of commentary is weird here but then again I’m watching Ross and Coach on PPV. You can hear them shouting at each other a lot better which is weird to hear.

That might be Ross’ big mouth though so there we are. Snow “hits” a clothesline and I say that in the weakest sense of the word hit. Snow, being younger and better at this point, dominates as we’re just waiting on the other guys to come in and make it a comedy match. Coach is the team captain apparently. Oh dear. There’s the piledriver on Snow and JR does commentary from the apron. The foot gets to the ropes but Snow sold that like he had an anvil fall on his head so I can’t complain there.

And it’s Coach time, which has even Snow wondering what the heck he’s doing. As usual, Lawler’s offense is shall we say limited? The middle rope punch hits but Snow makes the save. Ross gets a blind tag and the referee is fine with it I guess. He beats up Coach for awhile and I see why he stayed in the booth for his career.

Coach keeps shouting not in the face which is funny. And here’s Jericho to kick Ross in the head and let Coach and Snow become the Raw announcers tomorrow. Ross would beat Coach in 8 days to get the sanity back. Jericho says this is to get back at Austin for no apparent reason.

Rating: F. Seriously, do I need to explain why this going on for 8 minutes was a bad idea? It was mainly Al Snow vs. Jerry Lawler and someone thought this was a good idea. Here’s the thing: no one really cares about announcers in a national company. Wait scratch that. They do care about them, but only the way they sound. We don’t want to see them in the ring other than a once a year match from Lawler in Memphis. That’s it. Now stop doing this nonsense.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH which is more or less that Goldberg knows he can beat HHH and HHH knows he can’t beat Goldberg so he keeps hiding. He used the sledgehammer at Summerslam to keep it in the Elimination Chamber. It’s title vs. career here. Let’s get this over with.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. HHH

Also if HHH loses by countout or disqualification he loses the belt. Ross and Lawler are back for commentary here. Ross of course can’t remember when the stakes were ever higher. I love hyperbole in wrestling. This is nut cutting time apparently. Ok then. Ross says he has to mat wrestle Goldberg to keep the title. I thought he had to win the match to retain. Then again I’m no professional.

Goldberg in the shorts never worked. Also they remixed his music for no apparent reason at all. HHH still had a groin injury here so he’s wearing long shorts which look weird. We even get referee instructions. Lawler says it doesn’t get any bigger than this. Again, yeah it does. It’s a power match to start, which despite his huge muscles, HHH has never been portrayed as one other than the spinebuster. The Pedigree certainly isn’t a power move.

Goldberg of course wins it as we’re told that HHH is 4-0 at Unforgiven. Ross and Lawler are rather chipper for guys that just lost their jobs. This match is of course awkward as their styles just clash completely. WWE just had no idea how to use Goldberg. He was a monster but they had him lose far too much and be hurt far too much. They just didn’t get it and it never really worked. The spear eats knee and HHH takes over.

So despite everything that Goldberg has taken over the years, a knee to the head stops him. Sure why not. There’s a Figure Four. I get that Flair is great, but does he have to get so many freaking tributes to him? In a cool power spot, Goldberg catches the knee of HHH on a kneedrop. He just puts his hands up and blocks the knee of a 270+ pound guy, not even factoring in force, the jump that HHH did to get there, the velocity and momentum and the height he got.

That’s so ridiculously over the top that it’s AWESOME. HHH is busted open after going into the steps. And what would a main event be without a ref bump? HHH gets a sledgehammer shot to the jaw which likely should kill Goldberg but he’s up in like 3 seconds and hits the spear. The Jackhammer gives him the title clean.

Rating: D+. This was just generic. It could have been the main event of any big Raw minus the title change. Also, I know Goldberg was a big star but he just doesn’t fit in here at all. They try to make this a huge thing but it just isn’t. More than anything else they just wanted to get the belt off of HHH who had held it since like January. This just had nothing at all going for it though and just wasn’t interesting at all. Not bad from a technical standpoint, but just not a good match at all.

Overall Rating: D. There’s just nothing very good here. The thing isn’t that it’s a bad show. It’s not horrible or one of the worst shows ever or anything, but it’s just really weak. There’s nothing worth paying anything to see as all of these matches have either been done better at other shows or aren’t all that interesting to begin with.

Orton continuing his rise to greatness is about all that’s worth anything here. Again, the matches aren’t horrible, but there’s just no reason to want to watch them. Definitely not recommended.

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