WWF Global Warfare: They Lost This One

Global Warfare
Date: 1993
Host: Jimmy Hart
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

This is one of the Coliseum Videos released on the WWE Vault and I’m not sure what it’s going to be. It’s not the best time for the company as it’s in a transitional phase, with the New Generation coming in. That could go in a variety of ways and hopefully they don’t live down to this era’s reputation. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features bombs going off around the world as we seem to have a theme.

Jimmy Hart welcomes us to his home and says he’s excited about global warfare. That’s quite the odd statement to make. No one should know more about global warfare than him. That’s another quite the odd statement to make. Anyway, he talks about the theme songs (admitting he wrote them) of some of the wrestlers on the tape and brags about his music career. And now, to the first match.

From Sheffield, England, April 11, 1993.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is defending and this is from the UK Rampage 1993 show, which was only so good overall. Crush powers him around to start as the fans are already doing their deal with the horns, which can get rather annoying in a hurry. Some more power sends Michaels into the corner and Crush grabs him with a bearhug to take over again. A backbreaker has Michaels in more trouble but he wins a chase around the ring and hammers away.

Crush grabs a gorilla press slam and holds him there for WAY longer than should be done before sending Michaels outside. Back in and a knee to the back knocks Crush outside, where Michaels gets in a posting to really take over for the first time. A DDT gives Michaels two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and Crush blocks the superkick, setting up a legdrop…which sends Michaels bailing for the countout at 8:52.

Rating: C-. Yeah what else were they supposed to do here? Crush was on a roll and teasing getting the big Lex Luger push but you don’t want him to win the title. At the same time, it’s always a disappointing finish when someone just walks out, even if it makes sense for the options that they had available.

Post match Crush throws him back in for a beating, including the Head Vice. Crush holds up the belt like a moron, showing that he might have been perfect for the Luger push.

From Paris, France, April 8, 1993.

Yokozuna vs. Jim Duggan

Yokozuna, with Mr. Fuji, is less than a week after winning the WWF Title and losing it about a minute later. This is also singlet Duggan so you know it’s not going to be much to see. Duggan throws a chair inside and Yokozuna (in black for a weird but cool look) doesn’t really move. The right hands in the corner stagger Yokozuna a bit so Duggan grabs the 2×4, which is quickly taken away. Yokozuna chokes away on the ropes so Yokozuna comes back with more big right hands.

As usual, Yokozuna knows how to sell this stuff rather well and almost does the big fall before elbowing Duggan in the face. That sequence works so well that they just do it again, with Heenan suggesting that Duggan just hit Yokozuna in the face with the board. Instead he gets caught in a bearhug for a good while until Duggan bites his way out (Heenan: “THAT’LL WORK!”). Duggan avoids a charge into the corner and starts firing off the clotheslines to FINALLY knock him down. Fuji offers a distraction though and it’s a splash in the corner, setting up the Banzai Drop for the pin at 7:22.

Rating: C. It was basic and really simple with Duggan slugging away over and over, but dang he knows how to do that match rather well. There is something about Duggan that makes you want to see him knock a giant down. The match wasn’t good, but it was rather entertaining and that’s a good thing. At the same time, you could definitely see how much slimmer Yokozuna was here, with the tights clearly being padded to make him look bigger.

Hart is listening to music and professes his love of Coliseum Video. He also promises that Hulk Hogan will get the WWF Title back from Yokozuna. The other day, he and Hogan were in Boston and Hart wrote a new song using a Hulk pencil on a picture of Hogan. And yes, he’s wearing a Hogan shirt. Hart is nothing if not the biggest shill in wrestling history. Well one of them anyway.

From Barcelona, Spain, April 24, 1993.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Money Inc.

The Steiners are challenging and can’t get in the ring as IRS holds them off with the briefcase. The ring announcer says that if the Steiners aren’t allowed in and the briefcase isn’t taken to the back, the titles change hands. That’s enough for the Steiners to come in and clean house without much trouble.

We settle down to DiBiase headlocking Rick to start as the camera is staying rather wide for some reason. That’s reversed into a belly to belly for two on DiBiase and it’s already off to Scott to go after the arm. The camera goes to a LONG crowd shot, with Savage and Heenan both getting on him for not showing the match. We get back to the ring with DiBiase getting over for the tag to IRS, whose arm is cranked as well.

Scott uses the tie to take IRS down again as we shift to a normal camera shot as I’m rather confused by the whole direction so far. Anyway DiBiase sends Scott outside for a ram into some metal, allowing IRS to drop an elbow for two back inside. Commentary gets on the camera work again, even if things are at least somewhat settled down. DiBiase chokes Scott on the ropes and IRS gets in some cheap shots like a villain should be doing.

Scott fights out of a chinlock but goes the wrong way, with DiBiase almost feeding him into the right corner. Rick comes back in to clean house as everything breaks down. DiBiase’s piledriver is cut off and Scott adds a middle rope clothesline. IRS gets sent outside and the Frankensteiner hits DiBiase, only for IRS to come back in and….I guess the word would be tap Scott with the title for the DQ at 10:18.

Rating: C. The camera work was the focal point of this match and that’s a weird way to go. The venue was strange looking enough so maybe that’s why the camera stuff was so odd. Other than that, it was a rather just kind of there match with neither team exactly doing much. Then again, a Frankensteiner from Scott is always worth a look.

Post match the Steiners hold up the titles, marking the second time we’ve done the “they don’t know the rules” in three matches. It takes way too long to get on to the next match.

From Sheffield, England, April 11, 1993.

Mr. Perfect vs. Samu

Afa is here with Samu. They take their time to start and Samu shoves Perfect away, meaning they stare at each other again. Perfect’s headlock and a shoulder have Samu in a bit of trouble and he misses a crossbody. A crossbody works a bit better for Perfect (he is perfect after all) and some dropkicks have Samu on the floor, with the fans rather behind Perfect.

Back in and they tease a test of strength until Samu knocks him down to take over for the first time. A toss to the floor lets Afa get in a cheap shot, which has Perfect going after him. Heenan: “Come on Perfect, didn’t I teach you better than that?” Samu gets in a shot of his own, only for Perfect to go after the leg. That doesn’t work either as Samu and Afa both get in their own shots as the slow beating continues.

Samu hits a superkick, some headbutts to the head and a headbutt between the legs. As dull as this match has been, the fans are indeed staying with it so far. Perfect finally fights up and kicks away, only to get hit fairly low to cut off the comeback. A small package gives Perfect two but Samu knocks him outside. Perfect manages a quick crotching on the post to no avail but has to avoid a top rope splash. The PerfectPlex finishes for Perfect at 13:36.

Rating: C-. Thank goodness the fans were there to carry this as far as it got, as there was only so much for the whole thing. Perfect was beaten up here by half of a tag team. What else were you going to expect out of this kind of a setup? It was a match for the sake of letting the fans see Mr. Perfect, but it wasn’t much for anyone outside of the arena.

Hart is listening to Crank It Up (dig that Young Stallions song) and then brags about doing the song for Bret Hart’s next match.

From Barcelona, Spain, April 24, 1993.

Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow powers him around to start and then runs Hart over with a shoulder. Back in and Hart starts in on the arm and drops a leg onto it, allowing commentary to talk about wrestlers taping up fake injuries to trick their opponents. Something close to an elbow sends Bigelow to the floor and Hart gets to pose, which isn’t his style most of the time. This time Bigelow gets smart and rams him into the post, followed by a second shot to keep Hart down.

Back in and Bigelow stomps away as Hart is clearly near total destruction. The bearhug goes on back inside, with Heenan thinking a spinebuster could work well here. Instead it’s a big belly to back suplex for two and it’s off to an over the shoulder backbreaker. Hart slips out and manages his own suplex, which has Heenan losing his mind over Hart pulling that off.

Bigelow is right back up with a nasty butterfly backbreaker, only to miss the top rope headbutt. Hart fights up and hits the usual, setting up a middle rope clothesline. The sharpshooter attempt is broken up so Bigelow tries a bearhug, which is broken up with a bite to the face. Another belly to back attempt is cut off though and Bigelow crashes onto Hart. Back up and a splash misses in the corner, allowing Hart to grab a victory roll for the victory at 11:55.

Rating: B. It might not have been their King Of The Ring final but Hart knows exactly how to do a match like this. As usual, Hart felt like he was getting close to death before pulling off the miracle win in the end. Good stuff here, as Bigelow could do the monster role rather well, especially with this kind of an opponent.

From Paris, France, April 8, 1993.

Crush vs. Doink The Clown

Wrestlemania rematch. Doink hides underneath the ring to start but gets caught coming back in to to start the beating early. Crush knocks him outside and the chase is on, with Doink’s stomps not having much effect back inside. There’s an atomic drop to make Doink gyrate a bit and a figure four necklock has Doink down even longer.

Crush hits a backbreaker but misses a knee, giving Doink a needed target. The knee is wrapped around the post and Doink slowly stomp away in the corner. Crush finally fights up and knocks him to the floor, setting up the head vice. Doink slips out though and walks away for the countout at 8:15.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match in a series of them. The idea of Doink was that he would play mind games and mess with people but here he was just having a boring match. Also, if you want Crush to be seen as a big deal, maybe don’t have his two matches on the same tape end with the same finish.

Jimmy Hart is impressed by all of the new technology and then talks about Shawn Michaels, who isn’t in the next match.

From Milan, Italy, April 25, 1993.

Scott Steiner vs. IRS

Neither of their partners are here for a change. IRS hides in the ropes to start, which might not be the worst idea. A battle of wrist control sends IRS to the ropes again before he does manage to get in a shot to the head. Steiner is sent outside as JR complains about not being able to find a chicken fried steak last night. Back in and a powerslam into a headlock has IRS in trouble for a change and he bails again as they’re not exactly getting into a higher gear so far.

Back in again and Steiner takes him down by the arm, only for IRS to go outside AGAIN. This time IRS gets back in and they run the ropes a bit until Steiner is sent outside, because Heaven forbid they keep anything going. A ram into the steps keeps Steiner in trouble but he gets his knees up to block a splash. IRS bails into the corner as commentary talks about how we don’t have timeouts here. BECAUSE THIS MATCH HAS BEEN SO ACTION PACKED! Steiner charges into a boot in the corner and gets two with his feet on the ropes. The referee waves that off and Steiner gets a sunset flip for the pin at 10:06.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t so much that it was a bad match but geez this was boring. IRS wasn’t exactly known for keeping the pace up and the stalling did make sense as he was trying to keep Steiner from getting to a higher gear, but that doesn’t make it fun to watch. This tape hasn’t been much to see thus far and this didn’t help at all.

From Milan, Italy, April 25, 1993.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Mr. Fuji and Paul Bearer are here too. To say they stall for a good while here is an understatement, as Bearer takes nearly two minutes to get out of the ring. They stare each other down and Yokozuna’s shots to the head not doing much. The running DDT plants Yokozuna but he hits a clothesline to put Undertaker on the floor. A ram into the steps staggers Undertaker again and the big leg…does pretty much nothing back inside. Yokozuna hits a clothesline but Undertaker gets back up so it’s a bucket shot to Undertaker’s head for the DQ at 5:42.

Rating: D. Sweet goodness this the perfect way to wrap up this pretty terrible tape. They barely did anything, with over a third of the match being spent on them standing around and staring at each other before any contact. Then they just do another DQ, which is fine for the sake of not wanting Yokozuna to look weak, but GEEZ that’s a lot of non-finishes in one sitting.

Post match Yokozuna misses the Banzai Drop and gets “chokeslammed” (eh fair enough given the size) to send him running.

Hart gives us something of an inspirational message about never giving up and going for your dreams…and then praises Hulk Hogan, even posing to Real American to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D. As usual, leave it to Hart to have the only good match on a terrible collection of wrestling. I know it’s the European tour so things aren’t going to be up to their usual standards, but sweet goodness this was dull. It’s not a good sign when the second best part of a collection is how odd the arena in Paris looked. Just lame stuff all around and it’s easy to see why 1993 is not the best time the company ever had.

 

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Smack Em Whack Em (2025 Edition): Two Firsts Of Many

Smack Em Whack Em
Date: 1993
Host: Lord Alfred Hayes, Bushwhackers
Commentators: Lord Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon

Ah here we go, as the WWE Vault continues to upload Coliseum Videos, though in this case we have one of the best ever released. There are some classic matches here with a major focus on Bret Hart, who was becoming the new star of the company now that the Hulk Hogan Era was mostly over. This should be a lot of fun so let’s get to it.

Lord Alfred Hayes welcomes us to a house that is needing to be renovated. The people fixing things up: the Bushwhackers, who wack in from off camera, naturally with their music playing. They have been hired to turn this place into the Bushwhackers’ Wrecking Room. The first thing we have to worry about is safety, so they give Hayes some safety glasses and a helmet. And a tool belt. And gloves. And now we’re off to the first match.

From Erie, Pennsylvania, November 23, 1992.

Crush vs. Berzerker

Crush starts fast by ducking a clothesline and hitting a belly to belly suplex. Berzerker is sent outside, followed by a flying shoulder to send him out there again. Back in and Berzerker hammers away, setting up a big boot to put Crush down for a change. This time it’s Crush getting knocked out to the floor, setting up a piledriver for two back inside. Crush’s arms get tied in the ropes so Berzerker kicks away, which wakes Crush up for some reason. A backbreaker and legdrop give Crush two and the head vice finishes Berzerker at 6:17.

Rating: C. They kept this short but it was a way to push Crush forward a bit more as his near mega push was on. You could see what the company saw in him as he had the look and style that had worked for them over the years. That being said, I’m not sure I could have seen him going all the way to the top. Beating monsters like Berzerker is a good way to go, but going beyond that might have been too far.

Back at the house and the Bushwhackers try to install a window but their measurements don’t quite work. Butch’s sledgehammer shots are a few feet low, but they think it’s fine because the dog can use the window.

From Dayton, Ohio, November 24, 1992.

Earthquake vs. Repo Man

Repo moves around to start but for some reason tries a waistlock. An elbow to the face knocks that away and Earthquake runs him over as commentary talks about owing debts on various things. The splash in the corner connects but Repo is back with some right hands and a middle rope clothesline actually puts Earthquake down. The neck crank doesn’t last long on Earthquake, who fights up but misses an elbow. Repo takes too long going up though and gets powerslammed, setting up the Earthquake for the pin at 4:24.

Rating: C-. Pretty much a nothing match here, as Repo was a weird choice to face a monster like Earthquake. At the same time, it’s a strange time for Earthquake, as the Natural Disasters were something of a lifeline to him. With Yokozuna coming in though, there wasn’t much of a place for Earthquake and that was becoming fairly obvious with something like this.

The Bushwhackers use a saw on the wood but say that their mother would be proud of them. Then they accidentally cut an electrical wire, but insist on safety first. Hayes is promptly electrocuted, and perhaps killed.

And now, eating for the single man with Yokozuna. He eats a lot and Gene Okerlund is impressed. This goes on for over ten minutes and it’s just him eating. They keep presenting more food to him and he eats it, with Gene trying some. I have no idea what the point of this is, but man he sure does eat a lot.

Now we get to something a lot more fun: a profile on new WWF Champion, Bret Hart. Gorilla Monsoon talks to Bret about some of the matches we’ll be seeing, including some newfangled thing called a ladder match. Bret even thinks that Shawn Michaels might have had secret ladder match experience.

From Portland, Maine, July 21, 1992.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn, with Sister Sherri, is challenging in the first ever (in the WWF at least) ladder match. After the belt is hung, Shawn starts hammering away but gets dropped with a quick clothesline. Bret comes back with some right hands and the always good looking headbutt but Shawn punches him down for a change. As Monsoon LOSES IT over Sherri having a tattoo on her chest, Shawn gets in a knee to the ribs for another knockdown.

That’s enough for the first ladder to be brought in but Bret cuts him off (starting a bit of a weird tradition in ladder matches of NO, I’M BRINGING THE LADDER IN FIRST) and hammers away on the floor. That means it’s time for Sherri to offer a distraction, allowing Shawn to set the ladder up inside. Bret cuts it off again but Shawn cuts him off just as quickly, with the ladder falling down.

Shawn rams the ladder into the ribs but eventually hits the post, forcing him to leave the ladder in the corner. Another knockdown lets Shawn go up and he touches the belt, only to be knocked back down with the ladder falling on him for a nasty crash. This time it’s Shawn knocking Bret off the ladder as the crashes continue to mount up. Bret knocks him off the ladder for no crash, but the ladder being put into the corner can’t go well. The middle rope clothesline puts Shawn down before slingshotting him into the ladder.

It’s too early to get the title though and Bret comes down, possibly twisting his knee in the process. A double down gives them a breather and Sherri is absolutely losing her mind. They both go up and then come crashing down so Sherri grabs Bret’s foot. That lets Shawn hit the superkick and the teardrop suplex before doing the really slow climb. Bret dropkicks the ladder over, sending Shawn crashing hard out to the floor. That’s finally enough for Bret to retain the title at 13:46.

Rating: B. The thing to remember here is that this was the first ladder match in WWF history. No it doesn’t have a bunch of huge spots or really anything else, but it’s not that kind of a match. Instead, this was a match which happened to have a ladder involved rather than a match focusing on a ladder. It helps that Bret and Shawn have great chemistry, which was on display here as they worked the ladder in very well. Good match and it’s a shame that it is so forgotten.

Gorilla talks about Bret defending the title so frequently. This includes a title defense against Kamala, when he was still all evil. Bret knew he had to be a fighting champion and that’s what he was going to do.

From Louisville, Kentucky, October 28, 1992.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Kamala

Kamala, with Kim Chee and Harvey Wippleman, is challenging. Bret gives his glasses away as usual before ducking a lockup attempt as we’re over a minute in already. A waistlock doesn’t go so well for Bret as he gets taken into the corner, only to avoid a splash. Another missed charge lets Bret start in on the arm but he has to avoid some falling chops. Kamala has to go to the ropes (with his managers telling him to do it, then telling him he needs to let it go) before offering a test of strength.

Bret (eventually) tries it for some reason but catches the cheap shot, steps on the bare foot, and goes back to the arm. Kamala chops him down though and we hit the bearhug. For some reason that’s dropped in a hurry so Kamala can grab the pectoral claw. That’s broken up and Kamala actually leapfrogs him (COMPLETELY no sold by commentary) but Bret is back with a Russian legsweep. The middle rope clothesline into the middle rope elbow but the managers break up the Sharpshooter attempt. Instead Bret just rolls him up to retain at 8:50.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches that shouldn’t have been very good but Bret did what he could to make it work. There was only so much that could be done with someone like Kamala, who was only going to do much. Nice stuff here, with Bret getting a defense against a rather scary looking monster, which often works.

Post match Kamala and the managers go after Bret again but he pulls Wippleman in the way of the splash and clears the ring.

Gorilla and Bret preview the title match against Ric Flair, with Bret saying this was his one chance to get the title and he was winning no matter what. He even sprains his ankle and dislocates a finger early on but kept going anyway. It’s rare to see them giving away the result early but it’s kind of a huge deal.

From Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, October 12, 1992.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Ric Flair

Flair, with Mr. Perfect, is defending. Commentary makes a big deal about this being the hometown of Bret’s father Stu, just in case this wasn’t a big enough moment. Flair backs him into the corner to start and we get a clean break, plus a WOO for good measure. A headlock to the mat has Bret down but he reverses into a hammerlock, which gets a nice reaction.

Back up and Flair backs him into the corner for a chop as commentary talks about how good a match between Bret and Mr. Perfect would be. You know, like when Bret beat him for the Intercontinental Title and it was great? The threat of a Sharpshooter sends Flair outside and it’s a headlock to slow him down back inside. Bret wins the fight over a top wristlock as they’re firmly in first gear. A wristlock into a hammerlock keeps Flair down but he’s able to punch his way out of a sunset flip attempt.

Bret’s second sunset flip attempt results in Flair’s trunks coming down (of course) so Flair goes to the eyes to calm things down. Bret gets in a shot of his own but it’s way too early to get a Figure Four on Flair. Instead Bret drops some elbows on the leg (Flair: “OH GOD! NO!”) and now the Figure Four can work. After some quick two counts, Flair makes it over to the ropes for the break.

Bret gets two off a backslide before grabbing a sleeper. That’s countered with a belly to back though and they’re both down again. Flair goes after the leg as well and we’re quickly into the Figure Four, which lasts for a good while. Bret finally turns it over so Flair chops away in the corner and kicks away at the leg even more.

Another Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two but he charges into a boot in the corner. As usual, Flair goes up and gets slammed back down, allowing Bret to grab the Russian legsweep for two. The middle rope elbow and a suplex get two each, followed by a superplex. Bret grabs the Sharpshooter, keeps it on as Perfect gets on the apron, and makes Flair give up for the title at 26:28.

Rating: A-. This was as big of a shocker as you could get as Bret was a strong star but the idea of him winning the title was out of nowhere. It was great to see and came at the end of a very good match, which saw the crowd hanging in there for every second. Bret survived everything that Flair threw at him and then beat him clean with his finisher, which is (albeit about twenty minutes longer) about the same thing that Hulk Hogan did to the Iron Sheik. Heck of a moment here, and it more than holds up. Flair was finishing up and had an ear issue as well, so everything kind of came together and it went about as well as possible.

Gorilla praises Bret, who is ready to be a fighting champion.

We go back to the house (oh yeah that’s a thing), where it’s time to work on the plumbing. Naturally it’s safety first, but then it’ll be time to build a Bushwhackers bathroom. Luke uses a wrench on a pipe and Hayes is quickly soaked. We’ll get away from this too.

From Beaumont, Texas, January 4, 1993.

Undertaker vs. Razor Ramon

Ramon isn’t sure what to do with Undertaker to start so he slugs away, which goes about as well as you would expect. Undertaker comes back but misses the elbow, allowing Ramon to clothesline him to the floor. That earns Ramon a necksnap across the top rope but he’s fine enough to hit a middle rope bulldog to really stagger Undertaker for a change.

A chair to the back and a whip into the steps have Undertaker in more trouble and they head back inside. Ramon drops about ten straight elbows, which have Paul Bearer trying to get in for the save. Ramon takes the Urn and clocks Undertaker, who pops up at two and hits a chokeslam. That’s enough for Ramon to run off for the countout at 7:30.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like it when they did almost the exact same match (with an identical finishing sequence, even down to the elbows) on Invasion Of The Bodyslammers so this wasn’t much to see. It’s a weird way to go as a final match on the tape after all of the Hart stuff, but this was just disappointing, to the point where I was checking the other tape to make sure it just wasn’t the same match with new commentary. It really shouldn’t be that hard.

Back at the house, the Bushwhackers have a chair set up for Hayes so he can watch his favorite Coliseum Videos at the end of a hard day. This oddly works and Hayes wraps it up. Then the lights go out and the Bushwhackers say OH NO to end the tape.

Overall Rating: B. Why yes, a match with a big focus on Bret Hart as he’s becoming the top hero in the company is worth a look, as the two good matches are REALLY good, with the title change being great. That being said, there isn’t much else to see here, with the main event being flat out lame given that they did pretty much the same match just a few months earlier on another tape. Throw in the Bushwhackers stuff just not being funny and the whole thing was up and down, but dang those ups are worth your time.

 

 

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WWF Rampage 1991: Better Than The AEW Version

WWF Rampage 1991
Hosts: Sean Mooney, Gene Okerlund, Bobby Heenan
Commentators: Lord Alfred Hayes, Sean Mooney, Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Jim Neidhart, Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper

We’re still on the WWE Vault with another Coliseum Video, which should make for a bit of fun. These things are the definition of hit and miss but we can often see something good in there somewhere. Then again there can also be some drek to get through as this isn’t the best time for the company. Let’s get to it.

We’re on a golf course with Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan giving us some tips. Gene says his handicap is Heenan, who almost looks like a clown and thinks they’re about to play tennis.

From Fresno, California, June 18, 1991.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. British Bulldog

Perfect, with Coach (gah that didn’t work), is defending. Bulldog wastes no time in shoving him down and easily wins an exchange of shoulders. After a breather on the floor, Perfect is smart enough to not go for a test of strength. Bulldog accuses him of being a chicken, which Hayes does not think is the British way. For some reason Perfect tries a test of strength and immediately screams “AH YOU SON OF A B****!”

Even commentary has to cover for that one, thankfully with Bulldog getting two off a rollup. They trade sunset flips for two each and Bulldog gets in a bunch of rams into the corner on various turnbuckles. Perfect is back up with a shot of his own though and we slow back down for a breather. A Boston crab, with a grab of a rope, has Bulldog’s back in trouble but he powers out anyway. Perfect’s nice dropkick sends Bulldog outside, where Coach gets in some rather lame stomps.

Cue Bret Hart to chase Coach off so Perfect hits the Hennig necksnap but the referee almost gets bumped. After a bit of chastisement, Perfect goes with the sleeper and gets a pair of arm drops. That’s enough to make Bulldog fight up and he crotches Perfect on top, naturally with a hilarious sell. The referee gets bumped though and Bulldog can’t get a count off a small package. Coach comes in so Hart cuts him off and counts the pin because he’s a bit nuts at the moment. Hart and Perfect get in a fight and the referee sees it for the DQ at 9:32.

Rating: C+. Nice enough stuff here and that shouldn’t be surprising given who was in there. These two are talented stars who can have a good match with anyone and they had a bit of time here. That being said, the ending felt like a bit of an escape hatch and having Hart counting the pin was just kind of nuts.

Post match Hart beats up Perfect even more but Bulldog isn’t overly happy.

Gene hits a shot which seems to be good, though there is nothing in the way of tips. Well other than where to send a postcard to request a fan favorite match.

From New York City, April 22, 1991.

Warlord vs. Texas Tornado

Commentary argues over which of these two is smarter and….yeah all hail the Warlord. They take their time to lock up and then stop to pose some more, with Warlord not being happy at not being so popular. We get the test of strength and Tornado goes down for a two count, which you don’t see very often. Tornado fights up and blocks a big boot, setting up the Tornado Punch.

For some reason Warlord doesn’t even go down, instead grabbing a bearhug. That’s finally broken up so Warlord knocks him to the floor, which Monsoon says is Tornado taking a break. Warlord drives him back first into the post and they come back in, with Tornado not being able to make a sunset flip work. The slow forearms to the back have Tornado in trouble, to the point where he can’t pick Warlord up.

Warlord misses….we’ll call it a splash so Tornado is up with the clothesline comeback. The Tornado Punch gets two with Warlord getting a foot on the rope. Tornado gets a sleeper but they crash out to the floor for the double countout at 9:18. Ignore Tornado being back in before the ten count, to the point where even Heenan thinks he made it.

Rating: D. Oh heck no as this was rather horrible with Tornado being pretty much useless. It’s a bad sign when Warlord is carrying the whole thing and then they had the lame finish on top of that. This was one of the worst matches I’ve seen in a good while and it somehow just kept getting worse.

Post match Tornado argues with the referee, probably asking where he parked his chicken.

From New York City, June 3, 1991.

Animal vs. Paul Roma

Before the match, Roma and Hercules have a coin toss to determine which one will face Animal, which might be slightly interesting if Mooney’s voiceover hadn’t said it would be Roma. Hercules just stays in the ring at the bell and distracts Animal so Roma can hammer away. They actually trade leapfrogs until Animal catches Roma with an atomic drop. A headbutt between the legs keeps Roma in trouble but he knocks Animal off the top to the floor.

Back in and Roma hammers away, setting up a rather high dropkick. Three straight backbreakers set up a top rope shot to Animal’s head as this is more one sided than you might think. Animal fights up and they trade reversals until the referee gets bumped. A flying shoulder hits Roma for no count so Hercules gets in a cheap shot. Roma accidentally missile dropkicks Hercules though, allowing Animal to grab a powerslam for the pin at 5:00.

Rating: C-. This was in the weird non-Hawk period for the Legion Of Doom and that isn’t the most memorable stretch of time for a reason. There wasn’t much to see here other than Animal winning a glorified handicap match, which thankfully didn’t last long. Roma’s dropkicks looked good at least.

It’s back to the golf course, where Gene explains the importance of a chip shot. Gene’s shot goes fairly well while Heenan’s club goes flying. They move on to a shot from a bunker, with Heenan advocating cheating while Gene hits a nice shot. Heenan cheats anyway and Gene is aghast. Finally we move on to putting, with Heenan cheating again to succeed, which has Gene stunned.

From Fresno, California, June 18, 1991.

Big Boss Man/Rockers vs. Nasty Boys/Mountie

In case you wanted the most 1991 match possible. Jimmy Hart is here with the villains and the Nastys are the Tag Team Champions. Knobbs holds up one of the titles in an early Ric Flair impression. Shawn, with his backwards neon green hat (again, 1991) starts with the Mountie but Shawn tags in Boss Man, who gets taken into the corner by Sags (for the first contact over two minutes in).

A fairly delayed powerslam plants Sags right back down Mountie comes in and gets spinebustered, with the villains being cleared out for a needed breather. Back in and Boss Man enziguris Knobbs so Jannetty can come in with a middle rope faceplant. A sunset flip gives Jannetty two and it’s back to Shawn for the superkick. Boss Man adds an elbow to the face and does that weird bouncing headlock of his.

Sags finally gets in a cheap shot from the apron and Boss Man crashes out to the floor so the villains can finally get control. Sags drops some elbows and Mountie’s elbow to the jaw gets two. To avoid being left out, Knobbs drops an elbow of his own for two more before taking Boss Man into the corner. The Rockers are drawn in, which is enough for the triple teaming to continue.

Mountie confirms his identity by shouting “I AM THE MOUNTIE!”, which is enough for Boss Man to fight up. Shawn comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. In the melee, Shawn intercepts the megaphone and knocks Knobs out, only to get shocked by Mountie’s shock stick. Not that it matters as Jannetty steals the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C+. This got better near the end but the heat segment didn’t last very long, meaning there was a lot of other stuff to cover the rest of the time. What helps here is the lineup was interesting enough that it gave for some nice options, which is the point of a six man tag. It’s not a great match but it’s perfectly fun for this kind of a spot.

From New York City, New York, June 3, 1991.

The Dragon vs. Smash

Sure why not. Demolition was done at this point and Smash was waiting for a new gimmick. The Dragon was Ricky Steamboat without being able to call him Ricky Steamboat because his divorce was really nasty (and ridiculous). Smash works on the arm to start but you know Steamboat is fine with doing something just like that. Back up and Steamboat has to skin the cat (of course) before sending Smash over the top.

Smash gets back in and is quickly armdragged into an armbar as Steamboat is quickly checking his boxes here. Some chops to the head (or about four inches in front of his head) have Smash in more trouble and we’re right back to the armdrag into the armbar. Back up and Smash gets something like a chokeslam to cut Steamboat down and a belly to back suplex gets two, with Monsoon really not being pleased with the technique.

The neck crank goes on for a bit before Smash sends him outside again, this time for a ram into the post. A slam on the floor and a backbreaker back inside sets up another neck crank, which he switches into a sleeper to keep Steamboat in trouble. Steamboat finally fights up and strikes away, setting up a dropkick to the floor. A middle rope dive to the floor takes Smash down again but he suplexes Steamboat back inside. Smash misses a charge though and the high crossbody gives Steamboat the win at 10:17.

Rating: D+. Oh come on what else were you expecting here? Steamboat can do something good with just about anyone but he needs something more than a bored Smash, who is barely a singles star in the first place. This did not work and was boring on top of going longer than it needed. If you have someone as talented as Steamboat, find a better way to use him.

From Green Bay, Wisconsin, May 7, 1991.

Jake Roberts vs. Barbarian

Barbarian, with Bobby Heenan, stalks him around to start and Jake’s left hands don’t do much good. An armbar doesn’t get Jake very far so Barbarian hammers away, at least until a knee lift takes him down. The threat of the DDT sends Barbarian bailing to the floor and we stall for a bit.

Back in and Barbarian pounds him down again, with Heenan getting in some choking. A backbreaker gives Barbarian two and he seems to rip at Jake’s face for a change. Jake’s short arm clothesline misses and Barbarian kicks him in the face, only for Jake to bounce back with a DDT. Cue Earthquake for a distraction so Jake busts out Damien and chases him off….for the countout at 7:27.

Rating: C-. Well, at least it was a bit shorter. This tape has hit a wall with the last two matches and I’m not sure I can see that getting much better. Barbarian is a prime example of someone who played a role perfectly well despite not being a big star. He was doing it again here, but Jake Roberts can’t beat the Barbarian in a match like this? That’s quite the stretch.

Bobby and Gene are seemingly off the course in an attempt to find a ball. Naturally, Bobby cheats again because that is his nature.

From London, England, April 24, 1991.

Greg Valentine vs. Haku

Oh come on. This is from the dreadful Valentine face run and he grabs a headlock to start. An atomic drop into a running elbow to the head sends Haku outside for a needed breather. Back in and Haku kind of bobs and weaves a bit before chopping away in the corner. Some backbreakers give Haku two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

Valentine fights up but gets caught in it again, only to fight up again (it worked the first time). Some rams into the buckle have Haku staggered, which has Vince a bit surprised on commentary. Piper: “Go after him Gregory!” The big elbow misses though and Haku strikes away again, only to get headbutted between the legs. The Figure Four attempt is blocked but Valentine grabs a sunset flip for the pin at 8:42.

Rating: C. This is a good example of a match that was technically fine but….who in the world was wanting to cheer Valentine? It’s just a weird idea and something that never exactly worked. That was on display here and while the match was ok because both of them are talented stars, it’s hard to get behind eternal heel Valentine, even against someone like Haku.

From Tuscon, Arizona, May 28, 1991.

Power & Glory vs. Orient Express

Slick and Mr. Fuji are here for a rather rare heel vs. heel match. We get a fairly long staredown to start until Hercules shoves Kato down to start. It works so well that Hercules does it again but Kato chops away in the corner. Hercules isn’t having that and blocks a whip out of the corner, only to miss an elbow. A gorilla press works a bit better on Tanaka as it’s weird to see the fans cheering for Power & Glory (at least more than they’re cheering for the Express).

Roma reminds the fans that the team is evil too and by coming in for a double clothesline. After some nice leapfrogs, Roma drops Tanaka again and hits a nice top rope elbow for two. Kato gets in a cheap shot though and comes in with an elbow to the face as things slow back down. Roma fights out of a chinlock but gets tripped by Fuji, giving us the threat of a manager brawl (actually….Slick vs. Fuji could be awesome).

Hercules gets drawn in so Tanaka can jump over Kato and onto Roma’s back for two. Roman jumps over a double clothesline and Hercules comes back in for his own double clothesline despite the lack of a tag. A heck of a dropkick to Kato gives Roma two and Tanaka’s sunset flip gets two more. Slick low bridges Kato down to the floor though and everyone goes outside for the double countout at 8:28.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match here, but dang it was more weird than anything else. Power & Glory fit into the good guys slot (albeit by default) pretty easily here and I could go for seeing them do it a bit more. That being said, I still want to see Slick vs. Fuji, as that just sounds fun. As in what a lot of this tape has not exactly been.

Back to the course, with Heenan lying to another player about where his ball went.

And now, At Home With Paul Bearer. After taking a very long time to get inside, Bearer is messing with a body in a casket, because he had to bring some of his work home. He apologizes for not tidying up and then sits down in something of a throne. Bearer offers us a drink, which might be made of human remains. He looks at some knickknacks, such as the Urn, a dead plant and a skull, plus a guillotine. This was pretty much little more than The WWF Addams Family and it wasn’t any good.

From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, June 2, 1991.

Undertaker vs. Ultimate Warrior

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker. Warrior cleans house to start and hammers away, only to get his neck snapped over the top rope. Back in and Undertaker grabs Warrior by the face, which was a big thing for him back in the day. This goes on for far too long, with Warrior powering out after nearly three minutes of Undertaker just holding his face. Warrior fights up but gets knocked down again, only to avoid the big running elbow. Another comeback is cut off and Undertaker hits a quick Tombstone but Warrior pops up. Then Undertaker hits him with the Urn for the DQ at 7:44.

Rating: D-. Warrior did pretty much nothing here other than surviving the Tombstone but then the match just ended before anything else could happen. It isn’t a good sign when so much of the match was spent with the Undertaker just standing there with his hand over Warrior’s face. Pretty horrible match here, and probably the only reason this tape was uploaded in the first place.

Post match Undertaker and Bearer load up a body bag but Warrior fights out and clears the ring.

Heenan and Gene argue over who is paying for the golf and a golf cart chase takes us out.

Overall Rating: D+. There are a few passable matches early on in the tap to carry things but this just falls apart after the six man tag. It’s a pretty sad day when you have Greg Valentine vs. Haku as a high point for the second half of a nearly two hour tape. While there are worse tapes out there and this did have a nice variety (with no Hogan anywhere to be seen), but dang the match quality is just not there to back it up. Find something else to watch.

 

 

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Invasion 1992 (2025 Edition): Just Let Them Take Over

Invasion 1992
Host: Sean Mooney
Commentators: Sean Mooney, Lord Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon

It’s another Coliseum Video and that means a grand total of anyone’s best guess. Some of these things can be great but there is always the chance that it is all over the place. Since this is from the WWE Vault, there is a good chance that there is at least one good match involved so let’s get to it.

We have a Star Trek theme here, with Mooney as captain and promising some interesting surprises on this voyage. First up is a communication being intercepted: a fan request for our first match.

From Corpus Christi, Texas, December 2, 1991.

Hulk Hogan vs. Typhoon

Someone find that fan and smack him upside the head. The fans are behind Hogan to start and gets shoved around a few times. Hayes says it’s rare for Hogan to find himself against an opponent with a weight advantage. Has Hayes watched wrestling in the last few years? Mooney follows it up by talking about some of the massive opponents Hogan has faced, showing how stupid Hayes sounded.

Hogan shoves Typhoon and then avoids a charge to hammer away in the corner. Hart has to be knocked off the apron before Hogan slugs away and keeps calling Typhoon “FORMER FRIEND”. You know, that comes up a lot for Hogan so maybe he needs to do some self reflection. Typhoon fights back and slowly hammers away before grabbing the obvious bearhug. Hogan’s comeback sees him bounce off Typhoon and a splash in the corner gets two. The obvious comeback is obvious and Hogan finishes with the legdrop at 5:48.

Rating: D+. Hogan vs. a monster is as traditional of a formula as you can get but you have to give him something better than this. There is only so much that you can get out of Typhoon, who is as generic of a big guy as you can get. The more I see of Typhoon the more it becomes clear that he is just there because of his size and nothing more. Pretty horrible match here, as Hogan needed a better opponent.

Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect send a signal to the ship, saying they might as well take over because no one can give them a challenge. Mooney recognizes that Flair is the WWF Champion and we see the non-Hogan booing edition of the Royal Rumble ending. If nothing else, it was amazing to hear Perfect and Flair make a bunch of space references, as it felt more like a test of “can we get him to say this”.

From New Haven, Connecticut, November 13, 1991.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Ric Flair

Hart is defending and it’s a bit weird that they have the interview with Flair holding the WWF Title and then go back to a time before he won it in the first place. Things are a bit all over the place here as the Fink slips a bit on the intro, both saying “La….ladies and gentlemen” and then slips up by calling Perfect (with Flair) the “financial consultant” before switching to “executive consultant”, earning some laughter from commentary. If that’s not enough, Hebner holds the Intercontinental Title upside down during the introductions.

After taking over a minute to get ready, they stare each other down before finally locking up almost two minutes in. Hart grabs a headlock before shouldering Flair down and grabbing said headlock again. The hold goes on for a good while as it feels like they have a lot of time here. Back up and Hart drop toeholds him down before going for the leg, sending Flair over to the ropes. Flair backs the referee off and almost gets decked for his efforts.

Hart backs him into the corner but Flair uses the hair to…well very little actually as Hart hits him in the face. Back up and Flair knocks him into the corner as commentary talks about Hulk Hogan. The backdrop starts the comeback and Hart hammers away in the corner, only to get atomic dropped back out. Flair drops the knee in the general vicinity of Hart’s head for two (with feet on the ropes).

Some whips into the corner get two more (again with feet on the ropes, and some yelling at the fans for calling Flair out) but Hart gets up and wins a slugout. A sleeper doesn’t get Flair very far and Hart knocks him down into the corner. Flair goes after the leg to take over though and the Figure Four goes on. Ever the villain, Flair slaps him a few times, which is enough for Hart to turn it over for the break. Hart gets in a suplex but can’t follow up so it’s time to chop away in the corner.

The Flair Flip sends Flair out to the floor and Hart (with his straps down) is back in to hammer away some more. The Sharpshooter goes on so Perfect pulls Flair over to the ropes. Hart this the backbreaker but Flair sends him over the top before grabbing a headlock back inside. Another slugout goes to Hart and he knocks Flair outside. This time Hart follows and has to backdrop his way out of a piledriver attempt but Perfect trips him up so only Flair beats the count at 19:19.

Rating: B. Gah I was having fun with this one and could have gone with another ten minutes of it after seeing what they were doing. Hart, who would have been something of an underdog here, was going move for move with Flair and it was great to see. It was turning into a chess match to see who would blink first and while I get that you don’t want to have either of them do a job, the ending was disappointing.

Alfred Hayes, with a bad Scottish accent, can’t fix the hyper drive.

From Corpus Christi, Texas, December 2, 1991.

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

Mr. Perfect is here with Flair, who has a censored title, which is clearly a Tag Team Title. Flair gets in an early WOO as commentary knows that this will be good, even if it is still Rockers Shawn. A headlock doesn’t get Shawn very far as Flair backs him against the ropes for more WOOing. Another headlock is backed into the corner so Flair can chop away, only to get headlocked down again.

Back up and Shawn knocks him hard to the floor, meaning Flair needs to calm things down. A suplex brings Flair back in and there’s another backdrop to put him down again. There’s the Flair Flip to the floor as Flair is looking like he’s going out of his way to make Shawn look good. Flair breaks up a sunset flip attempt hit falls down to give Shawn a breather.

A dropkick drops Flair with a kick and Shawn slams him off the top, setting up the fist drop for two. Shawn clotheslines him to the floor and tries a dive, only to hit barricade for the big crash. Cue Marty Jannetty (even Mooney wants to know why he wasn’t there at the start) to throw Shawn back in…and Flair pins him with feet on the ropes at 10:25.

Rating: B-. And this concludes the two match series that warrants this tape being uploaded. The ending here was more about advancing the Rockers’ split more than anything else, but Shawn looked good in defeat. The singles push was coming and it was clear that the company saw a lot in him, as did Flair.

Flair says woo.

From Corpus Christi, Texas, December 2, 1991.

Tag Team Titles: Beverly Brothers vs. Legion Of Doom

The Beverlys, with the Genius, are challenging. We get a staredown to start, with Blake strutting around Animal. A shove to Animal earns a bigger one back, with Blake crashing out to the floor. Back in and Blake’s front facelock is shoved off with raw power before Blake tries again, to similar success.

Beau comes in and gets Hawk to chase him, allowing some stomping on the way back in. Hawk is right back with his hangman’s neckbreaker but misses a charge into the post to send him outside. Back in and Blake hammers away, setting up a backbreaker for two. A collision gives Hawk a breather though and a double clothesline allows the big tag to Animal. The powerslam into the Doomsday Device retains the titles at 8:59.

Rating: C. Not much to see here but the match wasn’t bad. The Beverlys were a fine choice for a house show level team to challenge the monster champions and it worked well enough here. The problem with the Legion Of Doom as champions is finding teams to challenge them and that was on display here. It wasn’t a good match, but they did what they could.

Alfred Hayes has fixed the hyperdrive. Well at least he got the sirens to stop going off. And now, it’s off to the Andromeda Galaxy for….Sensational Sherri’s Manager Cam.

From Fort Myers, Florida, January 8, 1992.

Tito Santana vs. Ted DiBiase

Sherri is here with DiBiase and is mic’d up to yell about Santana so there is no commentary. They lock up and then shove each other to start, with Sherri yelling about her Teddy Bear. DiBiase takes over with….something we don’t see because the camera is on Sherri. Santana gets driven into the corner but backs off into the ropes, with Sherri shouting even more. A chase sends DiBiase outside where Santana slugs away (“PLEASE DON’T HURT MY TEDDY BEAR!”) and takes him back inside.

An atomic drop lets DiBiase do his great bump over the top but Sherri trips Santana up (“I GOT YOU!”) back inside. Santana gets sent outside for a slap and Sherri chokes on the ropes. An elbow drop has Sherri VERY interested before she stops to yell at the fans. Santana fights up and they brawl to the floor again, where he teases hitting Sherri. That earns him a shot in the back and it’s a double countout at 8:15.

Rating: C. This was all about Sherri and that was a rough sit. There was only so much that could be done, even by people as talented as DiBiase and Santana, when Sherri is ranting and raving the entire time. I get that it’s the point of the match but egads it just never stopped and got very annoying very fast. I like both of these guys but there was no way they were overcoming that screeching.

Post match the brawl continues, along with the screaming. Sherri tries a shoe shot but hits DiBiase by mistake.

Sean Mooney and Alfred Hayes are about to beam down to the planet, so let’s see a feature on the Nasty Boys.

The Nasty Boys go to a video store (oh how I miss those) and go to the stacked Coliseum Video section, where they complain about their tapes not being included. They spray the manager with silly string and order 3,500 Nasty Boy tapes as they take over the store.

From Huntington, West Virginia, October 1, 1991.

Hercules vs. Big Boss Man

Slick is here with Hercules, who grabs a headlock to start. A running shoulder puts Boss man down and a second one does it again. Boss Man is back with some slams and starts slugging away before going outside to deck Slick. Back in and the running crotch attack to the back hits Hercules but a second attempt misses (as all Hercules had to do was fall down).

A clothesline gives Hercules two but he spends too much time yelling at the camera and gets knocked down again. The slugout goes to Hercules and even Slick gets in some choking (to be fair, Boss Man might have damaged his awesome hat). Back up and Boss Man slugs away as well, setting up a splash for two. The Boss Man Slam finishes at 7:34.

Rating: C-. This was mainly punching and kicking but Boss Man was someone the fans were going to like no matter what he was doing. Hercules was mainly there to make other people look good and he did well enough here. Not a great match or even particularly good, but they hit each other hard enough to keep me interested.

From Cornwall, Ontario, Canada, September 10, 1991.

Million Dollar Title: Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase, with (a thankfully non-mic’d Sherri) is actually challenging and Randy Savage is guest referee. DiBiase’s missed charge lets Virgil hammer away to start and he knocks DiBiase out to the floor. Back in and Virgil hits some slams but charges into a boot in the corner. They head outside with Virgil being rammed into the steps before having his comeback cut off back inside.

A suplex gives DiBiase a rather slow two and gets in an argument with Savage as a result. DiBiase hits a backdrop but pulls him up at (another slow) two, meaning it’s time for more arguing. This time DiBiase decks him (knocking Savage’s hat off in the process, because Savage can referee in a hat) and grabs the Million Dollar Dream on Virgil. Savage is back in with an ax handle to DiBiase and Virgil gets the VERY delayed pin at 7:12.

Rating: D+. The match was dull in the first place but the ending was lame, as DiBiase was suddenly out cold off a single ax handle. This should have been Savage decking DiBiase from the floor and fast counting a rollup but instead it was just a weird way to go. It didn’t help that Virgil wasn’t very good in the ring and that was on full display here.

Mooney and Hayes are on the planet and it’s rather ugly.

From Austin Texas, December 4, 1991.

Undertaker/Jake Roberts vs. Jim Duggan/Randy Savage

No entrances for this one as they’re running out of time on the tape. Savage decks Roberts off the apron before the bell and gets a severe tongue lashing from Earl Hebner. Undertaker chokes Duggan in the corner to start but Duggan avoids a charge. A clothesline sends Undertaker outside and he stares up at Duggan, which has to be a bit unnerving. The Stunner over the top rope drops Duggan as we’re just waiting on the Savage vs. Roberts showdown.

Roberts comes in and gets his arm cranked so Savage gets the tag and starts kicking away. The top rope ax handle sends Roberts outside (making him tougher than Ted DiBiase) so it’s back to Undertaker to choke away. The elbow misses though and it’s back to Duggan to hammer away for what must have been a good ten seconds. Roberts is back in to knee him down but the DDT is broken up. Savage snaps (I know) and chairs Roberts for the DQ at 7:04.

Rating: C-. Another slow motion match though in this case at least it makes sense as you don’t want to have one of the two hottest heels get pinned. Savage vs. Roberts was a white hot feud at this point and that isn’t something that you can have do a fall here. Other than that, Duggan slugging away is a good thing and Undertaker is Undertaker but they didn’t have much time here.

Mooney and Hayes…are left on the planet as the ship leaves, seemingly dooming them forever to end the show. Nice ending.

Overall Rating: C. The Flair matches were good (shocking I know) but the rest was pretty drek. You could definitely feel the transition around this period and there was only so much worth seeing. The Hogan formula was feeling tired and the company needed some fresh stars. The Undertaker would certainly fit, but some of these names just don’t feel that interesting and it was a pretty weak sit with a bunch of dull matches.

 

 

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Paul Bearer’s Hits From The Crypt (2025 Edition): WOW This Was Terrible

Paul Bearer’s Hits From The Crypt
Host: Paul Bearer
Commentators: Stan Lane, Gorilla Monsoon, Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Johnny Polo

Sometimes you need some good old fashioned Coliseum Video and…well this is from around 1994 and that’s not going to be the top shelf stuff. In this case, we should at last have some good stuff in there. I’ve done this tape before but it’s been a good many years and who am I to question the WWE Vault? Let’s get to it.

Paul Bearer welcomes us from the crypt and talks about the THOUSANDS of matches he’s gone through to pick the following.

From Syracuse, New York, April 12, 1994.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Lex Luger

Feeling out process to start as commentary goes on a bit of a weird rant about Jerry Jarrett (Jeff’s father) having a big mouth and running back to the south. Luger grabs a headlock to start so Jarrett complains about a hair pull, which commentary does not like. Jarrett’s shoulders to the ribs in the corner just seem to annoy Luger so Jarrett goes with some arm cranking.

That just earns him a gorilla press and the fans approve, but then Luger just strolls around the ring, as tends to be his case. A clothesline out of the corner gives Jarrett a breather and commentary is on him about wasting time, ignoring Luger being far worse about it just a few seconds earlier. Some ax handles to the back keep Luger in trouble as commentary calls out Luger for his lack of fire. Dang you can hear the burial building and it’s only going to get worse. Lane: “Lex could be sick, he could be injured. He could be coming off a European tour and be tired!”

The sleeper goes on and Luger has to fight up after two arm drops. Luger powers up and gets a suplex before starting the generic comeback. A few clotheslines and an elbow into a powerslam (Monsoon: “Not all that well executed by Lex.”) sets up the Rebel Rack to finish Jarrett at 13:13.

Rating: D+. Luger might as well have been reaching out for the paycheck that was keeping him going at this point as there was NOTHING here that would make you want to see him again. It was the most generic offense (as always) and absolutely no fire at all, with commentary coming close to burying him. It’s no shock that he was more or less done as anything important, as this was a cross between dull and embarrassing to watch.

From Springfield, Massachusetts, February 2, 1994.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels with Diesel, is challenging and takes his time to start. They shove each other a bit before Ramon throws the toothpick into his face to really get things going. Michaels bails out to the floor for a chase before running the ropes back inside as we’re over two minutes in without any major contact. A leapfrog doesn’t quite work for Michaels though and Razor gets in a powerslam for two.

Michaels’ neckbreaker gives him two of his own but Razor punches his way out of a sunset flip, setting up the big clothesline to the floor. They go outside where Razor pulls the floor padding back but a Razor’s Edge on the floor is broken up, allowing Michaels to get in a hard posting. That slows things down a good bit and a slam on the exposed concrete has Razor’s back in trouble.

Back in and Shawn starts in on said back, including a top rope ax handle and a chinlock with a knee between the shoulders. That’s switched into a regular chinlock until Razor fights up, only to have his back give out on a backslide. The chinlock goes back on and Monsoon goes into an anatomy rant that has to be him showing off. Said chinlock lasts a rather long time until Razor fights up and hits a big running knee.

A backdrop sends Michaels flying but Razor’s back gives out to leave them both down again. Razor starts hammering but Diesel pulls him outside with Michaels joining in for the double countout at 11:28. Hold on though as Razor grabs the mic and says let’s see who the real champion is. Michaels eventually comes back in but Diesel’s distraction doesn’t work, allowing Razor to punch Michaels out of the air for two. The belly to back superplex is broken up and Michaels hits a nice superkick for two.

Back up and the referee gets bumped, meaning there is no one to count after the Razor’s Edge. Diesel comes in with a belt shot but the referee is still down. After a delay so long that it had to be mistimed, the referee gets up for two as Marty Jannetty runs in for the save. Somehow that isn’t a DQ so Diesel misses a shot at Marty and hits Michaels by mistake, allowing Razor to get a rollup pin at 18:54.

Rating: B-. This was a weird one, as you would think that a nearly 20 minute Razor vs. Michaels match would be a layup, but they tried to pack a lot into the end while not doing much for long stretches earlier on. The chinlock went on WAY too long and they had to lay around for a good while at the end, likely due to Marty being late. If you cut about five minutes out of this, it’s far better, though I kept waiting on one of them to grab a ladder as those matches are so much more famous.

Bearer takes us to a dressing room which was used by people like WC Fields and Harry Houdini. Ok then.

From Syracuse, New York on April 12, 1994.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mabel

Luna Vachon and Oscar are here too as I wonder what I did so wrong to wind up here. Bigelow jumps him to start and nearly knocks the….whatever it is that he’s wearing. Mabel is back with an elbow, only to miss an elbow drop. An armdrag of all things takes Bigelow down and Mabel grabs an armbar as it’s already time for a breather. The armbar goes to the mat before Mabel manages a suplex, only to miss a splash.

Bigelow enziguris him to the floor where Oscar runs away from Luna (smart man). Commentary compares Mabel’s hair to Bigelow’s tattoos as Mabel slowly gets back inside. Bigelow grabs an armbar as Monsoon says that it’s hard to see where one ends and where the other starts. No Gorilla, it really isn’t.

An armdrag into another armbar has Mabel down as Lane is mocking Luna’s facial tattoos. Mabel fights up and gets in an armdrag, followed by a not so great dropkick. The spinwheel kick (it didn’t get much air) sets up a splash to Bigelow in the corner, only for him to break up a bulldog as this keeps going. A better than expected Cactus Clothesline leaves them on the floor and a rather fast ten count is a double countout at 8:32.

Rating: D. Oh like this was ever going to be good. Bigelow was trying here but there is only so much you can do with someone Mabel’s size. It was slow and very plodding with a lot of laying around in between the moves that didn’t go well. The WWF LOVES this kind of match though and I can see why live fans would have some fun with it, but dang it does not exactly hold up well.

Bearer says we’ve all been following the Headshrinkers vs. the Quebecers but he recaps it for us anyway.

From Burlington, Vermont on April 26, 1994 and actually from the May 2 Raw.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Headshrinkers

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo, are defending. Fatu and Pierre start things off as Vince thinks there are some Quebecers fans around here because we’re so close to Canada. They shove each other around to start with Fatu being rather excited. Fatu runs him over and it’s off to Jacques vs. Samu and a rake of the eyes lets the villain take over. Everything breaks down and the Quebecers are knocked outside, which is enough for them to walk out.

That’s enough for the referee to say get back in here or it’s a title change. The Quebecers do run back in, break the count, and then head outside again and we take a break. Back with Pierre getting knocked around as Savage seems to want a sandwich. Jacques gets in a knee from the apron to take over and the big clothesline turns Fatu inside out. A ram into the steps has Fatu in trouble and it’s a clothesline/legsweep combination for two. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Fatu for two more and we’re clipped to Fatu managing a backdrop over the top.

Naturally that means it’s time to put the camera on the commentators, with the tag back to Samu bringing us back to the ring. That’s cut off in a hurry though as Samu’s head gets caught in the ropes to slow him down. A piledriver puts Samu down but the top rope Cannonball misses. Polo tries to get up but gets dropped by Afa and Captain Lou Albano. Jacques accidentally decks Pierre, who hits him right back. The double Stroke into the Superfly Splash gives Fatu the pin and the titles at 19:30.

Rating: C-. I was always a Headshrinkers fan but this didn’t work out very well. Other than Pierre getting some crazy height on the Cannonball, there wasn’t much to be seen here. It was just a kind of dull match, though seeing a title change on a tape like this is a cool bonus. Just have a better match next time.

From Poughkeepsie, New York on March 21, 1994, from the April 4 Raw.

Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake

Wrestlemania X rematch with Earthquake powering him out of the ring to start. Bomb misses a big swing and gets clotheslined back down for his efforts. Another knockdown works for Bomb and an elbow gets two. Earthquake does his best Andre impression by being tied up in the ropes but we pause for Howard Finkel to stare Harvey Wippleman down. Bomb misses another elbow but so does Earthquake. A top rope clothesline gives Bomb two but Earthquake hits a nice belly to belly. Another elbow (geez) and legdrop set up the Earthquake from Earthquake for the pin at 4:21.

Rating: D+. Well that was a lot of missed elbows. Seriously there were probably five of them missing in a match that wasn’t even five minutes long. It isn’t a good sign when the match is this long and somehow worse than their really short match at Wrestlemania. Also, Earthquake winning again in 1994 is bizarre to see.

Bearer has apparently been in a theater and recaps what we have been seeing. He could be completely cut out of this and nothing would be lost. And he’s not even in a crypt!

From Utica, New York on April 11, 1994 on the April 18, 1994 Raw.

Bret Hart vs. Kwang

Hart’s WWF Title isn’t on the line. Kwang hammers away to start and kicks Hart in the face before spraying the green mist into the air (not slime Vince). Hart fights up and takes over onto the arm, including some armdrags into an armbar. That’s broken up and Hart is sent outside as we take a break.

Back with Kwang hitting a running spinwheel kick in the corner and getting two off a snapmare (yes a snapmare). The nerve hold goes on as Owen Hart calls in, with Bret fighting up and hitting a quick crossbody. Owen calmly talks about how he’s going to beat Bret in a Wrestlemania rematch as Bret fights back and hits a few Moves Of Doom. The Sharpshooter finishes Kwang off at 10:18.

Rating: C. Well that was short and to the point. This was little more than a reason to have Owen call in and to get Bret on the tape. That makes for a weird moment though as this was about setting up an upcoming Raw match, which you wouldn’t be able to see if you were watching the tape later. It doesn’t help that it was a nothing match with Kwang not being much of a challenge in any way.

From Rochester, New York on April 13, 1994.

Quebecers/Jeff Jarrett vs. Men On A Mission/Doink The Clown

Monsoon forgets that Ray Rougeau has retired and it’s Doink dropping a right hand on Jacques to start. Jarrett gets in a cheap shot from the apron and comes in to stomp away as commentary points out that the Quebecers’ titles aren’t on the line. You couldn’t put this match before the title change on the same tape? Mo comes in to trade shoulders with Pierre, who easily takes over with a big running shoulder (that looked good), only to charge into a spinebuster.

Doink comes in but gets stomped down as the alternating beating begins. A big toss sends Doink throat first onto the top rope and Pierre gets backdropped onto him for two. Jarrett’s dropkick in the corner sets up more choking and Doink is about to lose his hair. Monsoon: “HEY DOINK! GET OUT!” A sunset flip gives Doink one and he is immediately stomped right back down.

Doink finally gets a boot up to knock Pierre away and the tag…well it should bring in Mable as the referee didn’t see it despite looking right at them. Monsoon is calling for Mabel to come in and drag Doink to the right corner as Jacques gets two off a piledriver. Doink gets up and brings in Mabel to clean house without much effort. A clothesline sets up the double splash to pin Jacques 11:33.

Rating: D+. This tape is getting to the point of horrible with one dull match after another. Here we had Doink getting beaten up for a good while, with Monsoon getting annoyed at the whole thing (and forgetting who was Mo and who was Oscar). Mabel was the big wrecking ball at the end but it was a really dull path to get there.

Paul Bearer talks about going to the theater with Undertaker on cold nights.

From Springfield, Massachusetts on February 2, 1994.

Lex Luger/Randy Savage vs. Yokozuna/Crush

Savage is banged up but Monsoon insists that he was going to wrestle after putting his “John Henry” on the contract. Luger and Yokozuna start things off with Yokozuna punching him down. Some running clotheslines rock Yokozuna but he drops Luger with a single clothesline. Savage comes in to work on the arm and the good guys change without a tag when Crush tries to cheat.

Yokozuna pulls Luger over to the corner for the tag to Crush, who takes over rather quickly. It’s already back to Savage, who gets distracted by Mr. Fuji and beaten down into the corner as things slow back down. Crush grabs a bodyscissors as this couldn’t be more of a “yeah we’re doing the match, don’t expect anything else” match if it tried, because they aren’t exactly doing so.

Yokozuna comes in for the nerve hold (with his back to the camera because this wasn’t a TV match. The big charge misses in the corner and Savage…well eventually goes towards the right corner but takes so long that Crush cuts him off. Crush goes up top but misses a….I think we’ll say knee, allowing the tag off to Luger. That’s cut off almost immediately but Savage gets in a salt bucket shot to Crush for the pin at 12:21. Yeah what a hero.

Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness this was lame as CRUSH was probably working the hardest here. No one cared in the slightest out there and the match just came and went. I know it’s the last match of the night and the fans are ready to go home, but sweet goodness, a bit of effort should not be too much to ask. Horrible stuff.

Bearer sets up the main event, thank goodness.

From Springfield, Massachusetts on November 30, 1993.

Undertaker vs. Crush

Crush doesn’t even get an entrance here to show you how important this is. Commentary makes impotence jokes as we get a staredown to start. Crush hammers away but gets caught with a running DDT as the pace is already slowing. An elbow drop misses and it’s a clothesline to put Undertaker on the floor, only for him to grab the Stunner over the top.

Old School connects before Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline (that looked weird). Crush superkicks him outside as Johnny Polo wants to know the difference between a thrust kick and a crescent kick. Some chair shots put Undertaker down and the slow strikes ensue. A ram into the corner wakes Undertaker up for some reason but Crush cuts him off with a backbreaker.

The posing lets Undertaker sit up, with Polo freaking out because it takes so long for Undertaker to sit up that you can pin him. Crush does some military presses (geez) and drops a leg but Undertaker sits up again. For some reason Crush tries a Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to give Undertaker the win at 7:02.

Rating: C-. First and foremost: Johnny Polo came as close to saving this as he was HILARIOUS, with the running gag about covering Undertaker before the situp being great stuff and seemingly accurate. Other than that, they didn’t do much here but Crush’s military presses were impressive and Undertaker can do some good things with just about anyone. Somehow this was a better match than almost anything on the tape, which shows you just how bad things are going here. It wasn’t a great or even good match, but at least it was a nicer (on a sliding scale) way to end things.

Bearer wraps it up.

Overall Rating: D-. When Kwang is in the second best match out of two hours, there is not much wroth seeing on this stupid tape. This was one of the worst releases I’ve ever seen from Coliseum Video as there was no reason for it to be this bad. You could see how bad things were for the WWF around this time and egads this was a perfect showcase of why. Bad wrestling, few stars to get behind and just….what was supposed to be good here? Absolutely awful stuff.

 

 

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WWF’s Hottest Matches: You Might Want To Try The Colder Ones

WWF’s Hottest Matches
Host: Sean Mooney
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Sean Mooney, Lord Alfred Hayes

This is another Coliseum Video from the WWE Vault and of course I’m going to give it a shot. It’s one of those compilation tapes that was thrown together, often from dark matches with some commentary added. In other words, there is a grand total of no telling how good this might be. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney welcomes us to the show and gives us a quick rundown. This seems to be from late summer to fall 1990.

From Glens Falls, New York on April 4, 1990.

Rick Martel vs. Tito Santana

Apparently Heenan is wearing Arrogance and Monsoon isn’t a fan. What would a gorilla know about smelling nice? Santana takes Martel up to the ropes to start and messes with his hair a bit, which can’t be fair. Martel tries to go after him for a change and gets hiptossed, followed by some dropkicks to send Martel bailing to the floor, where it’s time for some jaw rubbing. Back in and Martel sends him face first into the buckle but misses a running knee. Santana starts in on the leg with some cannonballs down onto it, followed by some general cranking.

That’s broken up with some choking on the mat, which sets up some choking in the corner. Back up and Martel’s leg gives out on a leapfrog so Santana wraps it around the post (what a hero). The Figure Four is blocked, with commentary arguing (as only they can) about which leg Santana should be spinning.

Santana fights up and sends him face first into the buckle seven (not ten, but seven) times. Martel misses a middle rope spinning crossbody and the flying forearm sends him crashing out to the floor. The referee gets in Santana’s way so Santana shoves him down, meaning it’s a shot of Arrogance to the eyes to give Martel the pin at 9:40. Heenan to Monsoon: “YOU OWE ME DINNER!”

Rating: B. What is there to say here? Two talented wrestlers with a history had a good match, with the villain cheating to win. That’s always going to work and it was a perfectly fine story. This felt like a case where they were told to go do something and it went well, which shouldn’t be much of a surprise. The surprising part is that they never got a big blowoff, though it was scheduled for Summerslam 1990 until Martel got hurt.

We get a history of the WWF Tag Team Titles, starting with Demolition winning the titles from Strike Force at Wrestlemania IV, with Alfred Hayes talking about the aspects that come together to make a successful team. In short, they need to work well together. That’s the British analysis that makes wrestling seem so simple. Granted in this case Demolition cheated by using Mr. Fuji’s cane so it’s even more basic than it seems.

Then we move on to the Colossal Connection beating Demolition to win the titles at the end of 1989.

Then Demolition got the titles back at Wrestlemania VI. For some reason Hayes describes this as an “unprecedented” third reign, which is just wrong. Heck, their former manager Mr. Fuji was half of the first team to do it!

Then the Hart Foundation won the titles at Summerslam 1990. There is no mention of Crush being added to Demolition as he’s just kind of there now. That being said, the pop for the Harts winning the titles is one of the best ever and something I’ll still throw on for the sake of a smile.

So this whole thing was just a recap of the last two and a half years of the titles, with the Brainbusters’ title reign only being mentioned in passing.

From Toronto, Ontario, Canada on June 17, 1990.

Orient Express vs. Rockers

This should be good and Mr. Fuji is here with the Express. The Rockers start fast and send the Express into each other, setting up stereo hiptosses. The stereo dropkicks don’t happen though as Marty throws a right hand instead, though we’re probably lucky he remembered to put on his boots.

We settle down to Tanaka cheap shotting Michaels to start but Michaels twists on the arm to cut that off. Marty drops a splash on the arm before they trade leapfrogs, only for Marty to take him down by the arm again. Another cheap shot lets Sato come in off a non-existent tag and work on Marty’s arm for a change. Ever the good referee, Danny Davis won’t let Marty throw a punch, allowing Sato to pull him down by the hair and switch with Tanaka without a tag.

Back up and Marty manages to ram them into each other and then start in on Sato’s arm for a change. Michaels grabs a neckbreaker and, yes, works on the arm again. Marty comes in and gets kicked in the back of the head to take him down. A superkick sends Marty outside and of course Fuji is right there with a cane shot, like all bowler wearing managers should be. Back in and Sato kicks him in the head for two and Tanaka does the same for the same.

The chinlock goes on and despite Marty’s arm laying on the rope, the referee doesn’t break it up. This guy might not be very good at his job. The slow strikes set up another chinlock until Marty fights up for a sunset flip. Ever the good partner, Tanaka is right there for a save before even a one count. A clothesline finally gets Marty over for the tag and house is quickly cleaned. Everything breaks down and they fight to the floor, with only the Rockers beating the count back in at 12:08.

Rating: C+. Well it wasn’t great and they’re definitely capable of doing better, but these teams worked well together and that was the case again here. Even when they were doing something as basic as working the arm and a lot of chinlocks, they were moving around well enough to keep me interested. Not one of their best, but I’ll take it for a house show match.

And now, a fan favorite match!

From Niagara Falls, New York on June 27, 1989.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Greg Valentine

Dusty wins a shove off to start before Valentine works on the arm. An elbow to the head gives us the TIMBER fall from Valentine, who needs some help from Jimmy Hart on the floor. Back in and Rhodes strikes away with as much speed as you would expect, only to miss the big elbow. Valentine’s elbows to the head work rather well and we hit the chinlock. Back up and some more shots to the head wake Rhodes up, to the point where he scores with a dropkick.

Right hands and chops put Valentine down but Rhodes can’t get his terrible Figure Four. Valentine slowly hammers away and we hit the chinlock for a bit. Rhodes fights up again and, again, hammers away until he runs into a knee in the corner. Hart tries to go up top but referee Ronnie Garvin isn’t having that. Rhodes gets what can generously be described as a rollup for the pin at 10:07.

Rating: D. If this is a Fan Favorite match, I’d like to sign up for an Enemies Hate match as it has to be better. This was two guys slowly hitting each other and a bad looking cradle for the pin. I get that Rhodes was all about the talking, but you need to be able to do something in the ring to back it up and that just wasn’t the case here.

This month’s profile is on Jake Roberts, meaning we get another Hayes narrated intro.

From Binghamton, New York on June 6, 1990.

Jake Roberts vs. Akeem

Slick is here with Akeem as this is a rather tall match. Roberts works on the arm to start but gets shouldered down. The threat of a DDT sends Akeem outside (common result in Roberts matches) before Roberts gets back to the arm back inside. Akeem shrugs that off and powers him down again, with a running crotch attack to the back crushing Roberts. A missed charge into the corner…doesn’t do much damage to Akeem as he backdrops Roberts. Back up and Roberts hammers away but Slick breaks up another DDT attempt, only to get sent into Akeem for the DQ at 6:29.

Rating: C-. Well it was better than Rhodes and Valentine, if nothing else because Roberts can move around a bit faster. Akeem didn’t do much more here than the usual big man offense, but what else were you expecting from him? Slick helped here, if nothing else due to how amazing he looked in a green suit.

Post match Slick gets DDTed but Akeem cuts off the snake treatment.

Roberts talks about Ted DiBiase wanting the Million Dollar Title back and it just happens to be inside the snake bag. We see a bunch of snakes, including a rattlesnake and a cobra, who might be waiting in the bag with the title.

From Hamilton, Ontario, Canada on December 14, 1989.

Jake Roberts vs. Ted DiBiase

Virgil is here with DiBiase and they double team Roberts before and at the bell, as again the referee is just fine with all of this. Roberts clotheslines them both down and slugs away at DiBiase to take over fast. A DDT attempt sends DiBiase bailing to the floor and we slow down a bit.

Back in and DiBiase avoids another try at the DDT so we can stall some more. Virgil (whose hand is in a cast) offers a distraction which doesn’t work as Roberts sees DiBiase coming in and immediately stares at him. For the third time (we’re just over three minutes in), DiBiase bails outside to avoid the DDT. This time Roberts shoves the two of them together and chases Virgil, allowing DiBiase to get in an elbow to finally take over. DiBiase gets smart by going after the recently repaired neck with some elbows and knees to said neck.

The stalling in between has the fans rather angry, which shows you how much you can get out of actually working the crowd. The front facelock stays on the neck before DiBiase walks around a bit more. DiBiase grabs the facelock again and, after Roberts fights out, drops a middle rope ax handle to cut him off. Roberts manages a quick swinging neckbreaker and they’re both down. Back up and Roberts takes out Virgil before hitting the short arm clothesline. The DDT is loaded up but Virgil comes in for the DQ at 12:37.

Rating: C. Another slow match which would have been better with about five fewer minutes. These two should have had some great chemistry together but for some reason it just never clicked. That was the case again here and it really only kind of worked, with DiBiase taunting the crowd to some nice success but little more.

Post match the beatdown is on with DiBiase hitting Roberts with some money. Roberts fights up and drops Virgil before knocking DiBiase outside and chasing him away. The DDT lays out Virgil and we get the snake treatment.

From Fresno, California on August 9, 1989.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Haku

Bobby Heenan is here with Haku. After a minute and a half of stalling, Heenan offers a distraction so Haku can send Beefcake into the corner to start. The jumping knee and a running knee send Haku to the corner, where he bites the face to come back. Some choking has Heenan rather pleased and we hit the chinlock.

Haku chokes even more and rakes the eyes to cut off Beefcake’s weird double punches. A missed elbow lets Beefcake hit some slams and a backdrop…doesn’t exactly work and winds up as more of a flapjack. The sleeper goes on (the fans approve) but Heenan comes in for the DQ at 8:44.

Rating: C-. This was a weird one as the wrestling itself is really dull and generic (Haku was running out of ways to choke), not to mention this being the third straight match that ended with the manager coming in for the DQ. The thing is though the fans were entirely into this and wanted to see Beefcake win. It was a really basic match but the fans cared and that’s worth a lot of points.

Post match the beatdown is on but Beefcake grabs the clippers to chase them off.

We get a profile on Sensational Sherri, who does not like being called a manager. She takes care of Randy Savage’s kingdom wherever it goes, from getting him plane tickets to tasting his food so nothing happens to his perfect body. Sherri is more than a manager, because she is a woman who screeches to the top of her lungs. So there’s your profile!

From San Antonio, Texas on April 24, 1990.

Shawn Michaels vs. Ted DiBiase

Marty Jannetty and Virgil are here too. DiBiase snaps off some armdrags to start and Michaels seems to realize he might be in some trouble. Michaels grabs a headlock into some armdrags of his own, with DiBiase rolling outside as Michaels is rather pleased that it worked. Back in and a headlock takeover puts DiBiase down, where he grabs the tights for some rollups rather than just lay on the mat.

It works so well that they do the sequence again as they’re starting basic but keeping it moving. Michaels gets driven into the corner before charging into a boot, allowing DiBiase to drop the punches. Choking sets up the chinlock as commentary bickers about Virgil’s level of stoogery. DiBiase throws him outside, where Virgil gets in some slaps with money, which doesn’t seem sanitary.

Back in and a suplex gives DiBiase two and we’re right back to the chinlock (he likes that one). The falling middle rope elbow misses though and Michaels stars the comeback, with a clothesline and dropkick getting two. A high crossbody gives Michaels the same but Virgil’s trip has Marty giving chase. DiBiase throws him out like it’s the 1990 Royal Rumble but everyone brawls in the ring for a double DQ at 14:44.

Rating: C+. Oh come on with these DQ’s already. Let someone get a rollup or a fluke pin or ANYTHING other than someone coming in for the DQ. Michaels was still a tag wrestler at this point and losing to someone the caliber of DiBiase wasn’t going to hurt him. The match was good enough as you would expect but the ending was more annoying than anything else.

Post match the Rockers clean house without much trouble. The ring announcer calls it a double countout, with Monsoon losing it on commentary until it’s corrected to a double DQ.

We go to the gym for a workout with Power & Glory. They lift weights and brag about their muscles. A lot. Like quite a lot. Probably too much really. Of note: there are trees visible outside of the window. I wonder if this was filmed in Vince McMahon’s home gym.

From Huntington, West Virginia on June 26, 1990.

Randy Savage/Queen Sherri vs. Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire

Brother Love and Miss Elizabeth (the latter accompanied by Pat Patterson) are here too. We hit the stall button for a good while to start, with the men getting in an OH YEAH off. Savage holds back Love from a threatening Rhodes before the women officially get things started. Sherri’s kicks are caught and she misses a charge, with Sapphire throwing her down. Love offers a distraction so Savage can cheat a bit, earning himself an elbow from Rhodes.

Sherri’s dress comes up and Monsoon is VERY confused by what he sees. Savage bails out to the floor before coming back in and getting elbowed in the face. Love’s distraction lets Savage fight back, setting up the top rope ax handle. The sleeper keeps Rhodes down, with Sherri dropping to the apron and hammering on the mat, with even Heenan not being sure why she’s so anxious. Rhodes fights up and he punches Savage out of the air, only for Love to break it up again.

The running crotch attack misses for Savage so Rhodes goes after Love, earning himself a knee from Sherri. Love accidentally misses Sherri and they go back inside, with Rhodes grabbing his own sleeper. That’s broken up with Love hitting him with what looks like Sherri’s loaded purse. The double tag brings in the women, with Sapphire falling on Sherri for two. Everything breaks down and Savage knees Love off the apron by mistake. Sherri loads up the purse again but Elizabeth takes it away and knocks Sherri cold to give Sapphire the pin at 10:27.

Rating: B. This was an absolute blast with nothing resembling a serious match. They just had a good time with everyone doing their thing and Sherri and Love being little more than slapstick villains. Sherri did her thing and the shot at the end was great. It was terrible from a wrestling perspective but egads I had a great time with this one.

The winners leave and Sherri DOES NOT MOVE in a funny bit. She finally staggers out, stealing the show as usual.

Sean Mooney’s papers catch on fire (the running gag for the show is that the studio keeps getting hotter, which wasn’t mentioned due to reasons of stupidity) and he can’t figure out the fire extinguisher to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The opener was good and the last match helped, but dang this was a rough sit at times. There was that way too long string of disqualifications and the Tag Team Title thing felt like a waste of time. That being said, I can only get so mad at a Coliseum Video with two rather good matches, even if almost everything else in the middle was pretty much nothing. This wasn’t a good time for the company and that was on display here. If you need a sign of that, note that the Ultimate Warrior, the WWF Champion at this time, is nowhere to be found. That can’t be a good sign and this wasn’t an overly good tape.

 

 

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Invasion Of The Bodyslammers (2024 Edition): Nostalgia Colored Glasses

Invasion of the Bodyslammers
Hosts: Lord Alfred Hayes, Slick
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Jim Ross, Randy Savage

So this is a Coliseum Video which I had as a kid and watched over and over, making this something of a nice flashback for me. It’s something that was uploaded to the WWE Vault and that means I have a reason to watch it all over gain. Granted I didn’t say it was good, so keep that in mind. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence, featuring highlights that put us in mid 1993.

Lord Alfred Hayes and Slick welcome us…from the bowling alley, because it’s time to teach Kamala how to bowl. Slick says he has bowled 27 perfect games and it’s time to teach Kamala how to do that today. First up, he needs shoes. We’ll work on that during the first match.

From January 25, 1993 in San Jose, California.

Earthquake vs. Yokozuna

Mr. Fuji is here with Yokozuna. After nearly a minute and a half of getting ready and posing, they shove each other a bit as this is taking its time. Some kicks to the ribs stagger Yokozuna but a running shoulder doesn’t do much for Earthquake. Three clotheslines put Yokozuna down to one knee but a running shoulder drops Earthquake, setting up the running legdrop. Back up and Fuji offers a distraction, allowing Yokozuna to hit a corner splash. The Banzai Drop finishes Earthquake off at 3:43.

Rating: D. This was nothing, with almost half of the match being spent staring at each other before they started making contact. The action, and I use that term loosely, was about two minutes long and it didn’t work. They’re both capable of so much more and it was just nothing to see, which is rather disappointing.

From December 14, 1992 in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Nasty Boys vs. Beverly Brothers

Beau punches Sags in the face to start but Sags is back with a faceplant to Blake. This lets Heenan go on an amusing bit about which Beverly is which, where he eliminates the Nastys and the referee before saying that the one in the purple is a Beverly. Ross: “And what might his first name be?” Heenan: “Mr.” Knobbs comes in and picks up the pace, including a faceplant, only for Beau to hit one of his own (this is already repetitive and we’re barely three minutes in).

Blake clotheslines Knobbs down but misses a middle rope splash. What looked like a low blow cuts Knobbs down again but he comes back with a hair takedown (so a reverse faceplant). That’s enough to bring Sags back in for the house cleaning, including a double faceplant (oh come on). The brawling is on and the referee gets shoved for the double DQ at 6:47.

Rating: D. This match was 80% punching and faceplanting before a double DQ on a Coliseum Video. Why in the world would you think that was the right way to go? You really can’t have the Beverly Brothers do a job here? Another bad match as this tape is off to a pretty terrible start.

Back at the alley, Kamala won’t wear shoes, but Hayes has a customized bowling ball, complete with the same kind of paint that covers Kamala’s stomach and chest.

From November 24, 1992 in Dayton, Ohio.

Undertaker vs. Razor Ramon

Heenan spends Ramon’s entrance mocking the idea of Ross being a bowling fan. Ramon goes to the floor to start and hammers away back inside to limited success. Undertaker strikes away and hits Old School, with Ross doing a great job of selling how impressive it is. A clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor but Ramon is back with a Stunner over the ropes to stagger Ramon.

Undertaker gets crotched on the to and as Heenan isn’t sure if Undertaker is an athlete or a monster. Savage: “An athletic monster.” Some elbow drops have Undertaker in trouble and an Urn shot rocks him again. Undertaker pops up with the chokeslam and that’s enough for Ramon, who takes the countout at 5:03.

Rating: C-. Match of the tape so far and at least I get why they didn’t want Ramon to take a fall. Undertaker was rapidly becoming a big deal around this point and it’s easy to see why he got to beat up Ramon and send him running here. That being said, can we please get a good match already? This is getting to be a bit much.

From January 5, 1993 in San Antonio, Texas.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Typhoon

Is this tape mad at me? Do I owe it money or something? Typhoon powers out of a waistlock to start before catching a crossbody (geez) in a World’s Strongest Slam. Back up and Typhoon hammers away but gets sent face first into the buckle. Bigelow grabs a front facelock and Typhoon can’t suplex his way to freedom. Instead Bigelow gets in a suplex of his own and we hit the chinlock. Typhoon fights up and Bigelow can’t hold him up for a slam. A corner splash sets up…not the running splash, as Typhoon lets him get back up. Another splash in the corner misses and Bigelow drops the top rope headbutt for the win at 7:28.

Rating: C-. What were you expecting from these two? There is only so much you can get out of a match where the two of them aren’t able to do much and that was on display here. Typhoon was just ok on his best day and that wasn’t the case in this match. I know the WWF loved its battles of the monsters but that rarely worked, which was on full display with this one.

Slick bowls a strike but Kamala is looking at his bowling ball. Therefore, let’s go to the Repo Cam. Alfred isn’t here, presumably having been eaten by Kamala.

We go to a home movie being invaded by the Repo Man, who tells the man filming that he can keep the camera if he follows Repo Man around for the day. First up, Repo Man takes a Cadillac, because what’s his is his and what’s everybody else’s is his too. Next up, Repo Man takes a kid’s bike because the kid’s dad owes him money.

Now it’s time to go into a video store (oh how I miss those), where the clerk insists that they make all of their payments. She can keep the store for a week if she plays the Repo Man’s Greatest Hits, which Repo Man of course carries with him. The tape (within the special) shows Repo Man kicking in a car window to take it back due to the person being a day late on his payments.

Then he breaks into a garage and takes a woman’s car for being three days late. The woman comes into the garage and screams so he tells her to pay up or shut up. Back at the video store, Repo Man makes sure to get his tape back…then runs off with the video camera. This was the kind of insanity I love from Coliseum Videos, as it felt like Repo Man was told to go do something and they put it on the tape. I like that kind of thing, just for the sake of building up a guy who doesn’t get much attention. You instantly get what you’re supposed to know about him and it made for a short, stupid, yet still entertaining segment.

From April 29, 1992 in Syracuse, New York.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Hart is defending and Sensational Sherri is here with Michaels as this is the best sounding thing in a good while after the last forty five minutes. Michaels snaps off an armdrag to start with even Heenan thinking Michaels needs to follow up faster. A pull of the hair brings Hart down into an armbar but he flips up and sends Michaels outside. Back in and Hart starts in on the arm for a change before dropping him with a clothesline for two.

Michaels comes back with a knee to the ribs and stomps away, setting up a running crotch attack against the ropes. The chinlock goes on and Michaels uses the hair to pull Hart back down. Back up and Michaels charges into a boot in the corner, allowing Hart to hit a middle rope clothesline. The middle rope elbow gets two, with Sherri panicking at the near fall. They both crash out to the floor and Sherri grabs the leg, allowing Michaels to knock hart into the barricade for the countout at 8:49.

Rating: C+. Even a not so great Bret vs. Shawn match is still Bret vs. Shawn and it’s by far the best thing in the first hour of this pretty dreadful tape. The two of them could have a decent match together in their sleep and they did well enough here without much time. In this case the countout was fine as it keeps Shawn strong, but dang I could have gone for some more from these two.

Post match Sherri is shocked that it’s not a title change. Shawn is less stunned but decks the referee instead. Ever the fan of law and order, Bret beats Shawn up for going after the referee.

Slick demonstrates bowling form and hits a strike, but Kamala is still looking at the ball. Alfred (hey he wasn’t eaten) suggests a new ball, but Kamala doesn’t want to give up the old one. Instead, he can have a match.

From February 16, 1993 in San Diego, California.

Kamala vs. Doink The Clown

Kamala has Slick with him while Doink has a big gift box. Doink teases Kamala with said box as Heenan suggests cutting off Kamala’s head, shave his beard, put a finger in each ear and throw him down the alley for a great bowling ball. With that disturbing image in my head (fingers in ears are not sanitary), Kamala goes after the arm but gets caught in an armbar to take him down. That’s broken up and Kamala hits something like a superkick. A bunch of chops connect and they go outside for the chase. Doink cuts him off with the box though…and Kamala gets counted out at 3:21.

Rating: D+. This is beyond ridiculous as it almost feels like the tape is trolling us at this point. The match was barely anything more than a way to set up the ending, which might make sense but isn’t much to see after everything else that has been on this mess. In theory, someone would have thought “hey, maybe we should have a good match on here” at some point, but that hasn’t really happened yet. Just more lame stuff, even though evil Doink is always kind of fun.

Post match, there’s nothing in the box. Heenan: “I’m so sorry, I’m dumb.” Kamala beats Doink up and chases him off.

From December 14, 1992 in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Undertaker vs. Papa Shango

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker, as is customary. Shango grabs him by the throat for a drive into the corner, only for Undertaker to do the same thing. Well to Shango that is. Old School takes Shango down but he avoids an elbow and clotheslines Undertaker out to the floor. The Stunner over the top gets Undertaker out of trouble but Shango grabs his voodoo stick to blast Undertaker with some pyro.

Undertaker staggers around and a chair to the back makes it worse. Shango sends him into the steps and they go back inside where Undertaker pops up off some slams. A boot to the head and some elbows (as Ramon did to him an hour ago) keep undertaker in trouble but he comes back with the jumping clothesline. The chokeslam finishes Shango at 6:26.

Rating: C. This didn’t have much time either but in this case that might be the best possible outcome. Shango didn’t have much other than trying to blow up Undertaker’s face (wrestling is weird) and there is only so much of a reason to believe that he was a threat to Shango. Undertaker was still a monster here and in theory this would be a big match but after seeing this, not so much.

Slick tries to convince Kamala to roll the ball down the alley…but he runs down the alley instead.

From February 1, 1993 in New York City, New York.

Battle Royal

Owen Hart, Koko B. Ware, Kamala, Kim Chee, Shawn Michaels, Iron Mike Sharpe, Bob Backlund, Typhoon, Razor Ramon, Damien Demento, Berzerker, Terry Taylor, Skinner, Tito Santana, Tatanka

This is from a Raw taping, which is weird to see on a tape like this one. The general brawling starts us off as we hear about Andre The Giant being great at these things, mainly because he passed away about a week earlier. Sharpe is out without being mentioned as Heenan is impressed by Ware and Hart’s pants. Ware’s pants go flying over the top for an elimination, leaving commentary to wonder if Tatanka can lose without having his undefeated streak broken.

Things slow down despite not going fast in the first place, with no one really close to an elimination. Hart can’t get rid of Michaels and for some reason Skinner stops to dance, allowing Typhoon to knock him out. Demento is out and Hart follows him, with Berzerker kicking Santana low in something you didn’t often see at this point. Berzerker is tossed out without much trouble and Kamala is sent out with a bit more trouble. Hold on though as Kamala goes back in to toss Chee out and then chases him into the crowd.

We’re down to seven and cut to Kamala chasing Chee through the balcony in a cool shot. As we come back, Taylor and Backlund are both out and Michaels gets rid of Typhoon. That leaves us with Michaels, Ramon, Santana and Tatanka as something of a tag match (and a good one at that) breaks out. Michaels hammers on Tatanka in the corner as Ramon might have kneed Santana low. Santana is back up with the running forearm, leaving the good guys to beat up Michaels.

A double kick in the corner gets rid of Michaels….and here is Giant Gonzalez to go after everyone else. Gonzalez tosses out Tatanka and Santana is out as well. Since Ramon is the only one left, he wins at around 13:30. This means Heenan’s pick wins, sending Savage into a fit of hysterics (Savage: “YOU GOTTA BE RIBBING!” I still use that line in my day to day life thirty plus years later.”)

Rating: D+. Pretty lame battle royal here with a bunch of standing around and not doing much until the ending. It’s really just a bunch of midcarders in one big match and that is only going to get you so far. It was long, bring and had a screwy ending so it was only going to be so good. Also, they kept saying it was a sixteen man match but I’ve never gotten past fifteen.

From October 26, 1992 in Springfield, Illinois.

Tatanka vs. Repo Man

Tatanka grabs a lockup to start and powers him into the corner before they switch places. Repo Man actually gives a clean break (commentary is stunned too) and it’s a pair of dropkicks to put him own as a result. The threat of a chop sends Repo out to the apron as Heenan talks about how many cars Repo can get into in ten seconds.

Back up and a not very smooth crossbody sets up an armbar on Repo, allowing Heenan to explain why Repo is screaming “HE’S BREAKING IT”! Heenan actually goes into a deal about how you’re trying to get the referee to check the hold to get a break, which is rather in-depth. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Tatanka but neither does Repo’s counter.

As commentary talks about paying off the bet from the battle royal (Heenan: “Just give me $200 each we’ll call it even.” Savage: “Ok no problem. I’ve got a lot of Confederate money laying around.”), Tatanka misses a crossbody and gets caught in an armbar. Tatanka fights up and chops away but for some reason stays down after hitting a big one. Repo goes up and gets punched out of the air, setting up even more chops. A top rope chop gets two and the End Of The Trail finishes for Tatanka at 7:43.

Rating: D+. They weren’t clicking out there and it made for a not very goo match. I’m not sure what was going on but for some reason it was like they kept having to restart. This isn’t exactly a match that needed to be all that complicated but for some reason it felt like they were on rather different pages.

Kamala, holding a ball in both hands, wiggles his hips a bit…and the ball goes backwards.

From January 4, 1993 in Beaumont, Texas.

Mr. Perfect vs. Ric Flair

Perfect shoves him down a few times to start and mocks the Flair hair rub. Flair loses an exchange of slaps and Perfect drops him without much trouble. A wrestle off goes to Perfect, who slaps Flair in the face again as this is one sided so far. Back up and Flair chops and punches away in the corner, naturally setting up a heck of a bump back out of said corner. Perfect gets in a backdrop and a clotheslines puts Flair out on the floor.

Back in and Flair goes to the eyes to take over so a knee drop can get two. Commentary bickers about whether or not Flair losing to Bret Hart in Canada should count as Perfect makes the comeback. A slam off the top gives Perfect two but he misses an elbow, meaning it’s time for Flair to go after the leg. The Figure Four goes on and naturally Flair grabs the rope (JR: “It’s illegal!” Heenan: “No, illegal is a sick bird!”).

Perfect rolls over and gets caught in the corner, where Flair can strike away again. Some chops get Perfect out of trouble and he slugs away on one leg. The leg is good enough for a backdrop and Perfect whips him over the corner. Back in and a quick PerfectPlex gives Perfect the clean win at 10:49.

Rating: B. Oh of course these two were going to have a good match. They know each other really well and Perfect was more than capable of hanging with Flair at his best. The leg injury worked well with Perfect having to fight his way back up and it was easy to get into what they were doing. Rather nice way to wrap things up here, and it’s nice to have a clean ending to a hard worked match.

Slick and Alfred liked the tape (their opinions are officially revoked) but they’re disappointed they didn’t teach Kamala to bowl. Then Kamala bowls a strike and the hosts are stunned (ok points for a funny visual). Slick celebrates with Kamala to finish things off.

Overall Rating: D+. This tape really is just known as “that tape where Slick teaches Kamala to bowl”. Other than that you have a bunch of nothing matches, with Perfect vs. Flair being the only good one, along with a Bret vs. Shawn match which has been done better. The Repo Man stuff was kind of funny but the one joke gets old quick. Just a weak tape here from a bad period in the company’s history.

 

 

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Supertape (2024 Edition): Nostalgia Only Gets You So Far

Supertape
Host: Sean Mooney
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Lord Alfred Hayes, Ron Trongard, Hillbilly Jim, Gorilla Monsoon, Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

So this something else that was added to the WWE Vault channel and as it was a tape I had when I was a kid and watched more times than I can count, I can always go for another watch. It’s a Coliseum Video compilation tape and the first in a series, with the main feature being the No Holds Barred cage match. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence, featuring some big names on the show.

Mooney runs down what we’ll be seeing on the tape.

A fan has requested to see Ronnie Garvin vs. Mr. Perfect. I would hope that his name is officially on a list somewhere.

Garvin says a lot of things seem perfect until something breaks them down. He’s the man to break Mr. Perfect down.

Perfect says he’ll win.

From December 12, 1989 in Nashville, Tennessee.

Ronnie Garvin vs. Mr. Perfect

The Genius is here with Perfect. They circle each other a bit to start before taking turns with some basic knockdowns. Garvin grabs a hiptoss and slam into a big right hand, with Perfect bailing out to the floor. Back in and Garvin hammers away in the corner, sending Perfect bailing back out to the floor. Perfect gets back in and wins a top wristlock before grabbing a headlock.

Garvin punches him back without much trouble and the Garvin Stomp sets up a failed Sharpshooter attempt. The Hennig necksnap has Garvin in more trouble but he’s back up to win a slugout. The sleeper goes on but Perfect gets his foot on the ropes to break up the cover. Garvin sends him into the buckles nine times in a row, followed by a face first ram into the mat for a bonus. A small package has Perfect down but he reverses into one of his own and grabs the trunks for the pin at 10:46.

Rating: C+. This was a good example of a perfectly watchable match which didn’t really do anything spectacular while still being completely fine. Both of them are talented stars and capable having a nice match with almost anyone, with Perfect cheating as he should. I’m not sure why a fan would have wanted to see this, but it was a decent choice.

We get a Manager Profile on Bobby Heenan, featuring Heenan giving some one liners about various wrestlers. The Heenan Family is doing rather well and the Colossal Connection will be Tag Team Champions for as long as they want to be. What else is on his mind? None of your business. This was really quick and not so much of a profile as much as it was “Heenan talks for about 90 seconds”.

It’s time for a tag team profile on the Bushwhackers, with Gene Okerlund driving to a shack in the middle of nowhere where the team is waiting on him. It’s apparently lunch time with Bushwhacker Buzzard on the menu, but we’ll throw it to the first match instead.

From December 30, 1988 in New York City, New York.

Bushwhackers vs. Bolsheviks

This is the Bushwhackers’ MSG debut and it’s a brawl to start, with the Russians being sent into each other for a crash out to the floor. We settle own to Butch (commentary gets them backwards) hammering on Zhukov in the corner and chasing the Russians outside again. Volkoff comes in and grabs a bearhug, which is broken up with a bite to the face. The bearhug goes on again so it’s another bite for another escape.

More biting earns Luke a hard whip into the corner and Zhukov gets to choke on the ropes for a bit. Volkoff adds some hammering forearms and Luke gets caught in the wrong corner. That’s enough to bring in Butch to beat on both Russians…and Luke. With Butch back out, Luke grabs Zhukov’s beard to block a sunset flip and it’s back to Butch. Everything breaks down and Zhukov clotheslines Volkoff to the floor, setting up the Battering Ram. The double gutbuster finishes Zhukov at 9:24. Ignore Trongard calling the Bolsheviks former Tag Team Champions.

Rating: C. The match itself was nothing of course, but this was more about getting the Bushwhackers their first win in an important arena. They were kind of a weird act in that they were more about being quite the odd pairing, but the fans seemed somewhat into them. It helps having the Bolsheviks as an easy target and the match, while fairly boring, was a good way to give the fans a fun time.

The Bushwhackers and Gene have some lunch and go on to a match where Butch says Luke tasted delicious.

From May 17, 1989 in Duluth, Minnesota.

Bushwhackers vs. Brooklyn Brawler/Bad News Brown

Butch and the Brawler start things off with the Brawler going after the eyes. Luke comes in for a bit to Brawler’s jeans so it’s off to Brawler to easily take Luke down. It’s back to Butch for a jawbreaker and Butch gets to hammer away on the Brawler. Again Brown takes over without much trouble and chokes on the ropes. Brawler comes back in but gets dropped by Butch. With Brown arguing with some fans, the Battering Ram and double gutbuster drop Brawler for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t quite the showcase for the Bushwhackers as they couldn’t beat Brown whatsoever and needed a fairly weak finish to take out Brawler. I’m not sure why this would be included over say a squash match as it was beating a makeshift team and not exactly a good one. Not much to this one and not in the best way.

Gene likes the food….but he’s starting to twitch.

From October 8, 1989 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Bushwhackers vs. Power Of Pain

Mr. Fuji is with…well I think you can figure out who he’s with here. Barbarian jumps Butch before the music stops playing but Butch fights out with a headlock. A shoulder exchange goes to Barbarian but Luke comes in to help clear the ring without much effort. Back in and Warlord grabs a bearhug, which is broken up with a bite to the face. The bearhug goes on again but this time Butch makes the save, only for Warlord to knock him outside.

That means a posting keeps Butch in trouble and a big boot knocks Luke off the apron back inside. A running headbutt to the back drops Butch again but a middle rope elbow misses. That’s enough for the tag off to Luke, with back to back Battering Rams taking out the Powers. Fuji comes in with the cane and that’s the DQ at…we’ll say 9:15 as the bell doesn’t actually ring.

Rating: C. They were in a weird place with three straight Bushwhackers matches and this didn’t exactly make them look great. The Powers beat them down for most of the match and then the manager’s interference was needed to give them the win. There is only so much that can be done with a less than serious team like the Bushwhackers, and those limits were on display again here.

Gene has gone full Bushwhacker. More meat is consumed.

Lord Alfred Hayes joins us for The Call Of The Action, which is Hayes watching clips from the Rockers and Jimmy Snuka and naming the moves. It’s nothing great or innovative, but I do like mixing things up a bit, just for the sake of some flavor.

From February 11, 1989 in Boston, Massachusetts.

Rick Rude vs. Tito Santana

This should be good. They pose at each other to start before going to the test of strength. Santana has to power up and knocks Rude into the corner for an early breather. That lets Santana pose and now he wants a test of strength of his own. Instead Rude kicks him in the ribs and grabs a headlock before telling the fans to shut up (with a swear included). Santana fires off some forearms to the ribs and sends him into the corner to stay on them.

The reverse chinlock makes the ribs even worse and Santana drops down onto his back, only to turn into Arn Anderson of all things as Rude crotches him to escape. An atomic drop makes it even worse for Santana as thing slow down a lot. Rude busts out the hip swivel but his ribs give out so we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up rather quickly so Rude goes up top and hits a forearm to the head.

Santana comes back with a faceplant though and the fans are rather pleased in a hurry. Rude cuts him right back down but the ribs are banged up again, allowing Santana to get in an atomic drop (I could watch Rude sell those forever.). Santana pulls Rude’s tights down and hammers away before starting in on the leg. The Figure Four goes on but Rude is right there at the rope for the break. Back up and Santana tries a sunset flip but Rude sits down on him and grabs the rope for the win at 16:44.

Rating: B-. This was starting to get going but the match didn’t really kick it up to the level I was hoping to see. These two would seem like they could have had a heck of a match but it was only pretty good. Santana was little more than a jobber to the stars (albeit a very good one) while Rude was on the way up so the result, even with the cheating, was never really in doubt.

From April 24, 1989 in New York City, New York.

Jake Roberts vs. Ted DiBiase

They fight over a lockup to start and naturally DiBiase bails into the ropes. It works so well that DiBiase does it again…and a third time as well. With DiBiase finally ready to fight, Roberts knocks him into the corner with the bag, freaking DiBiase out to the floor. Back in and we hit the test of strength, with DiBiase oddly getting the better of things. That’s reversed into an armbar, only for DiBiase to go to the hair.

Roberts does it as well and this time the referee catches him, which doesn’t go well. The running knee lift drops DiBiase but the threat of the DDT sends DiBiase outside again. Back in an a quick Virgil distraction (ah that’s why he’s there) lets DiBiase get in a cheap shot to take over. A clothesline and knee drop give DiBiase two and we hit the chinlock.

With that broken up, the fist drop gives DiBiase two more and the chinlock goes on again. We’ll mix that up a bit with the Million Dollar Dream going on instead, with Roberts having to get a foot on the rope. DiBiase tries another chinlock but even Roberts is bored of that same thing and hits a jawbreaker for the fast escape. The short arm clothesline looks to set up the DDT but Virgil grabs the leg. Yelling ensues so Roberts grabs a rollup for the pin at 16:17.

Rating: C. There are certain pairings who you would think would be a good fit together and that was the case with these two. They just did not mesh together and despite being as 1989 of a midcard match as you could get in the WWF, the matches weren’t particularly good. Just a lot of sitting around and killing time, which gets old after a match this long.

Post match Roberts loads up the snake but DiBiase gets Virgil out of the way in time.

Tony Schiavone talks to some fans, who are having fun, hit some catchphrases, and talk about their favorites. Eh they’re not performers so they shouldn’t be good at talking. We do get a question about who would win if Hulk Hogan would face the Ultimate Warrior. As you might expect, the fans are split, which was the whole point of Wrestlemania VI.

From January 2, 1990 in Birmingham, Alabama.

Tugboat Thomas vs. Iron Mike Sharpe

This is Tugboat’s TV debut from Superstars because we were just waiting for the Sailing Superstar. Sharpe bounces off of him to start and can’t get a slam so Tugboat cranks on the arm. A big boot sets up a dropkick (not bad) and the big splash finishes Sharpe at 2:26. He was a star when I was first getting into wrestling, but Tugboat just did not have much outside of “I’m really big”.

From December 12, 1989 in Nashville, Tennessee.

Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Zeus/Randy Savage

In a cage, Queen Sherri is here with the villains, and this was the match from the No Holds Barred: The Movie/The Match pay per view as WWF tried to get everything they could out of No Holds Barred, which didn’t go well. Beefcake gets in but Sherri slams the door on Hogan before he can get in too, meaning it’s a double teaming to start.

Hogan punches Savage through the cage though and climbs in less than a minute later, making that quite the waste of time. The villains are punched and sent into Hogan’s raised boot in the corner, only for Zeus to send Hogan and Beefcake into the cage. Savage tries to go out but Beefcake catches him, only to have to deal with an invading Sherri. Zeus and Savage start alternating with rams into the cage before going up, which is cut off almost immediately.

They all go into the cage at the same time and everyone is down for a breather. For some reason the referee opens the door, with Sherri slamming said door onto his head. Savage gets the chain that was locking the door and goes all the way to the top of the cage, only to get punched out of the air as Beefcake avoids a bad case of death. Beefcake knocks Savage off the cage and goes out, where he pulls Savage outside too. Hogan Hulks Up, slams Zeus, cuts off Beefcake from offering an assist, sends Zeus into the cage over and over, and drops THREE LEGS for the pin at 9:27 (Jesse: “I don’t believe it, he did it again.”).

Rating: C. It’s not a great or even a very good match, but this was about giving the fans something fun at the end of a taping. That’s something that will always work and Hogan getting to slay Zeus for good and move on was the right thing. Thankfully Savage was in there too, as Zeus on his own would have been a total disaster. As it was, it was little more than a house show main event or something similar, which is ok enough to wrap up the tape.

Mooney wraps it up.

Overall Rating: C. A lot of this is nostalgia, but there really isn’t anything on here worth going out of your way to see. The company was in something of a transitional period here and while it still has some star power, it’s only so good. The two long featured matches are just ok and focusing on the Bushwhackers is only going to get you so far. I’ve seen this tape more times than I can count and while it’s not the worst, it’s really not anything worth your time.

 

 

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WWF Crunch Classic: This Is Not A Classic

Crunch Classic
Host: Roddy Piper
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Sean Mooney, Lord Alfred Hayes

You ever just feel the need for some Coliseum Video goodness? Well this is from 1992 so the goodness might not be at its highest level but it’s a tape I haven’t looked at before. I’m not sure how accurate the term “classic” is going to be here but the WWF does have a reputation for false advertising. Let’s get to it.

Roddy Piper welcomes us to the show and talks about some of his crunch classic moments, including beating up Mr. T., Jimmy Snuka and Cyndi Lauper, but he never had a belt to put around his waist. Then he met the Mountie.

From the 1992 Royal Rumble.

Intercontinental Title: The Mountie vs. Roddy Piper

Piper is challenging and knocks Mountie, with Jimmy Hart, outside in a hurry. A cheap shot on the floor slows Piper down but he sends Mountie into the corner a few times back inside. Piper hits a bulldog for two but misses a dropkick allowing Mountie to send him into the buckle as well.

Commentary talks about how Bret Hart had a 103 degree fever when he lost the title to the Mountie, with Heenan talking about how he wrestled with 113 degree fever. All it took was a children’s Bayer. Heenan: “The orange flavored ones!” Piper atomic drops him over the top but Mountie skins the cat. That’s fine with Piper, who sends him into an invading Hart and grabs the sleeper for the win and the title at 5:21.

Rating: C+. I’ve seen this match more times than I can remember and the only thing that matters is Piper finally getting his moment. No one bought Mountie as a serious champion so this was about as good of an effort as he was going to put up here. Piper was LONG overdue to win something and it’s as much of a feel good moment as you’re going to get.

Post match Hart tries to come in with the shock stick but Piper takes it away and shocks Mountie instead. With the villains dispatched, we get the big AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW title call in one of Fink’s best ever announcements.

From Dayton, Ohio, October 22, 1991.

Virgil/Big Boss Man vs. Money Inc.

It’s not Money Inc., yet but close enough. They also have Sensational Sherri with them, which is kind of a weird combination. Virgil is also Million Dollar Champion, just to make DiBiase all the more annoyed. Thankfully Mooney dubs them Money Inc. just after the bell so I can save time on an edit. Boss Man chases IRS into the corner to start before IRS charges into a raised boot.

Virgil comes in to sunset flip DiBiase for two and there’s an atomic drop to send him outside. Back in and Virgil charges into a boot in the corner so IRS can add the flying shoulder. DiBiase’s suplex gets two and IRS’s legdrop gets the same. Virgil finally gets in a shot of his own and the big (not hot, but big) tag brings in Boss Man to clean house. With nothing else working, Sherri takes her shoe off but hits IRS by mistake, allowing Virgil to get the rollup pin at 7:03.

Rating: C. They were trying really hard with Virgil at this point and the win here was another step, but it just wasn’t going to go anywhere outside of the DiBiase feud. Other than that, this was a pretty nothing match, but the fans got to cheer at the end as they should have. For a dark match from a TV taping, I’ve seen much worse.

Post match yelling ensues but DiBiase calms IRS down with cash.

Here’s a special feature on 24 Hours With Jimmy Hart. We catch up with him arriving at a hotel (sans limo of course) over what appears to be Wrestlemania VIII weekend. Hart’s wrestlers are checked in but his room won’t be ready for about three hours. He can stay in a room in the basement though, meaning he has an office. Mountie comes in and says Jimmy was supposed to take care of his stick tonight. Later, Money Inc. is here to make sure everything is planned, including an appearance on the Arsenio Hall Show.

Hart finally falls asleep (reading WWF Magazine of course) when a phone call tells him about various problems with his wrestlers. Later, the Nasty Boys aren’t ready to go to the ring so Hart runs off on his own. Hart is FINALLY done….and his room key doesn’t work, leading to a nervous breakdown. This was funny enough, but Hart can make anything worth a laugh.

From Austin, Texas, December 4, 1991.

New Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

That would be Owen Hart/Jim Neidhart and Jimmy Hart is with the Nastys. Neidhart and Knobbs start things off with the former firing off the big forearms in the corner. Everything breaks down and Neidhart whips Owen through the ropes for a big dive. Owen backflips in from the top to show off a bit and the fans approve. Back in and the Nastys go with the double teaming to take over for all of five seconds before Owen armdrags his way to freedom.

Neidhart comes back in to stay on the arm but it’s right back to Owen, who gets slapped in the face. That’s enough for the Nastys to finally get him in the corner so the choking can begin. Sags grabs a chinlock until Owen fights up for a failed sunset flip attempt. Some elbows to the back keep Owen down and we hit the reverse chinlock. Owen fights up and brings Neidhart back in to clean house, including a shoulder to Knobbs. That doesn’t work for Sags, who throws the referee out for the DQ at 7:26.

Rating: D+ Owen was trying here but the New Foundation never quite clicked. At the same time, you know exactly what you’re going to get from the Nasty Boys so there wasn’t much to get excited about here. The ending does seem stupid but the Nastys were a bigger deal and given that this was being recorded, it makes sense to try and protect them a bit here.

Roddy Piper talks about beating up Jimmy Hart and Adrian Adonis at Wrestlemania III (Piper: “92,271 paid admission. And me. The Scotsman, I don’t may for nothing!”). It was one of the greatest nights of his life because the people were cheering for him.

From Wrestlemania III.

Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis

Hair vs. hair, Adonis has Jimmy Hart in his corner and this has Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes on commentary to avoid Jesse Ventura issues. They slug it out to start with Piper pulling out a belt to whip away. Hart gets beaten up as well but the distraction lets Adonis take the belt and get in his own whips. Back up and Piper whips him over the corner to the floor (which Adonis can do despite weighing well over 300lbs here), setting up the very 1987 double noggin knocker.

Hart trips Piper though and Adonis gets to rake at the skin a bit. Adonis hammers away on the ropes so Piper says bring it on, earning himself a spray from the atomizer. The sleeper goes on (which is more like a smother) but Adonis lets him go at two arm drops. Cue Brutus Beefcake to wake Piper up and the comeback is on. Piper decks Hart and sleepers Adonis for the win at 6:55.

Rating: B-. This is a good example of a match that is carried by the crowd reactions. The fans were going NUTS for this stuff and it made for a special match as a result. They completely embraced Piper in this role after hating him for so many years and this whole thing was such a blast. Not a good match from a quality standpoint, but it was a good payoff to a red hot feud.

Post match Beefcake goes to cut Adonis’ hair but it’s rather wet so the shave only goes so well. Adonis wakes up and sees the hair cut in a well placed mirror, sending him into a rage until he falls to the floor.

And now, a fan request match. From Utica, New York, November 11, 1991.

British Bulldog vs. Undertaker

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker as commentary points out that Undertaker is being “more friendly” lately, though this was before he turned. Bulldog hammers away to start and knocks Undertaker over the top for the feet first landing. A ram into the steps rocks Undertaker again but he’s right back with the uppercuts. The smother to the face slows Bulldog down as Bearer says THE POWER OF THE URN COMPELS YOU. Bulldog fights up and manages a slightly delayed suplex, setting up the running powerslam but bearer offers a distraction. An urn shot gives Undertaker the pin at 7:09.

Rating: C. This is more of a historical curiosity than anything else but it is still kind of cool to see. The Bulldog was around the height of his singles career at this point but Undertaker was a force of a different kind. They had to turn him as he was getting such positive reactions and it’s almost weird to hear commentary have to backtrack a bit because of the taping schedule.

Post match Undertaker loads up the body bag but Bulldog fights up and clears the ring.

From Austin, Texas, December 4, 1991.

Texas Tornado vs. Rick Martel

Martel shows of his (rather impressive) physique to start before going with some knees to the ribs. They fight over a lockup until Martel rakes the eyes until Tornado finally throws him outside. Back in and Tornado works on the arm, including an armbar. Tornado misses a charge into the post though and Martel hits a middle rope ax handle to put him down. Martel dives into the claw but makes the rope, allowing him to spray Arrogance in Tornado’s face for the DQ at 5:59.

Rating: D+. Really? You can’t have Martel lose to the Claw in TEXAS? I get the idea of protecting some people but Rick Martel? In 1991? I don’t get this one, but on top of that it just wasn’t that great of a match. Martel is a good hand and did his thing here, but Tornado did little more than the arm cranking and the Claw.

Roddy Piper doesn’t like snakes, so let’s go to Jake Roberts talking about how Snakes Make Fun Pets. Jake talks about how snakes will feed on themselves and how they have been around since the time of Adam and Eve. But now, a senile old man named Jack Tunney is barring him from bringing a snake to the ring.

Jake likes snakes because they’re survivors, and we see a clip of a cobra bit Randy Savage’s arm (that TERRIFIED me as a kid). The other nice thing about snakes is how many different kinds there really are. We see Jake holding various snakes and seemingly threatening us with them before promising the snakes will be back. This was pretty much just an extended Jake promo, which isn’t a bad thing. What might be a bad thing: including a long Jake promo when he was gone from the company by the time this was released.

From Cornwall, Ontario, Canada, September 10, 1991.

Skinner vs. Jim Neidhart

After standing there for about forty seconds, Skinner gets out and runs up the aisle before coming back with…something. Then it disappears and we continue the stalling before they lock up about two minutes in. Skinner’s running shoulder doesn’t hurt Neidhart but a hiptoss does take him down.

Skinner does it again and then grabs a headlock, only to be knocked out to the floor. Back in and an atomic drop puts Skinner right back outside, allowing Neidhart to grab the can of tobacco reside. Skinner is so annoyed that he goes up the aisle for a bit, only to have Neidhart come back with the headlock inside again.

With the match still in first gear, Skinner gets in a shot to the throat to escape and starts choking. That doesn’t last long so Skinner switches it up by hitting him in the ribs and then the throat. Neidhart fights back up and they go to the floor for the double countout at 13:15. Actually hang on as it’s a time limit draw, because that makes such a difference here.

Rating: D-. Who in the world thought this was a good idea? It’s bad enough that the match took place, but then they recorded it on top of that? What were they expecting this to be? They were stalling to get through a bunch of the time and then it got even worse. Awful match here and they seemed perfectly fine with that being the case.

Post match Neidhart wants to keep it going but Skinner leaves. Smart man.

From Lubbock, Texas, January 27, 1992.

Natural Disasters vs. Jim Duggan/Sgt. Slaughter

The Natural Disasters have Jimmy Hart with them. Duggan and Typhoon start things off, with Duggan firing off some clotheslines to finally put him down. It’s off to Slaughter for some forearms in the corner as Typhoon stays in trouble. Back up and Typhoon hands it off to Earthquake, who quickly pounds Duggan down.

Earthquake misses a charge in the corner but he’s fine enough to knee Duggan in the back. It’s back to Typhoon for the bearhug, followed by another one from Earthquake. Duggan fights out and hands it back over to Slaughter as everything breaks down. Earthquake tries to bring in the megaphone so Duggan grabs the 2×4, which earns him the DQ to give the Disasters the win at 9:26.

Rating: D+. Another dull match that didn’t go anywhere, making it a perfectly uninteresting way to end a tape mostly full of such matches. Duggan and Slaughter were a fine enough patriotic team and there was a discussion of this match being the Tag Team Title match at Wrestlemania VIII but obviously that didn’t happen, which might be for the best if this is what we were going to get.

Roddy wraps us up.

Overall Rating: D. This was AWFUL and one of the worst Coliseum Videos I can remember. The biggest problem here was a lack of energy, as it didn’t feel like anyone was really trying. The biggest highlight here was the Piper vs. Adonis match from Wrestlemania, which should tell you everything you need to know about the tape. Dreadful stuff here and I have no idea what about this was supposed to be a classic.

 

 

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WrestleFest 1992: More Like Festering

WrestleFest 1992
Hosts: Gene Okerlund, Bobby Heenan
Commentators: Sean Mooney, Lord Alfred Hayes

I’ve done most every other show in this series so we might as well do the last one. This is a Coliseum Video without much of a particular theme and that means we could be going in all kinds of directions. We’re a bit past my favorite time but odds are there is going to be some Bret Hart and/or Shawn Michaels goodness to carry it through. Let’s get to it.

Dig that old Coliseum Video intro. It’s not the 80s version but I can always go for this one too.

Gene Okerlund is on the tennis court and we have a theme for the tape. Now of course he’s going to need a partner, so here is Bobby Heenan, complete with a sweatband. Gene offers a lesson but Heenan has a table tennis paddle. Heenan: “You play with a Chinese guy and he brings you egg rolls. It’s a heck of a game.” Heenan, in a sweater, complains about the heat but let’s go to our first match.

From New York City, New York, March 23, 1992.

Shawn Michaels vs. Virgil

Sherri is here with Michaels and Mooney calls Virgil (still with his broken nose) “one of the most popular Superstars in the World Wrestling Federation”. Hayes calls him one of the most improved wrestlers of the 90s, which has me wanting these two checked into a sanitarium. Shawn and Sherri take their time getting rid of the gear and after a minute plus, we’re finally ready to go. Michaels takes him into the corner and punches the nose guard in a moment of general stupidity.

We now pause for Sherri to kiss Shawn’s hand before a slap to Virgil’s face has Shawn bailing to the floor. Virgil isn’t having that and throws Shawn back in as we see Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan at ringside for the original commentary. Shawn punches out of a headlock but gets pulled right back into another one to keep him in trouble. Back up and a clothesline puts Virgil on the floor and Shawn gets a rather needed breather.

With Virgil back in, Shawn gets evil by lifting the nose guard for a shot to the face. Stomping and facial ripping ensue as things slow down and we hit the chinlock. Virgil fights up and is quickly dropped with a right hand to the exposed nose. You can’t blame Shawn for going too complicated here and it’s going to get the fans to hate him even more. A clothesline cuts off the comeback attempt but Virgil manages a quick faceplant.

Now the comeback is on, with an atomic drop sending Shawn into the buckle. Virgil even takes off his own nose guard to hit a dropkick (I guess the guard was weighing him down?) for two. A knee misses in the corner though and Shawn hits the teardrop suplex for the pin at 12:13.

Rating: C. Completely fine match here but the biggest problem with Virgil is that he’s just…..there. Nothing about his work in the ring made him stand out whatsoever because he was just a guy in gear doing basic moves. That wasn’t going to last long and every day that he spent away from Ted DiBiase made him feel less important. Shawn was coming along as a heel, but he needs to heed Razor Ramon’s advice: just use the kick.

From Toledo, Ohio, April 7, 1992.

Tag Team Titles: Money Inc. vs. Bushwhackers

Money Inc., with Jimmy Hart, is defending shockingly enough. The champs jump them to start but a pair of Battering Rams break that up. Stereo biting of the pants/trunks have Money Inc. on the floor and we pause for a breather. We settle down to IRS taking over on Butch and sending him into the buckle.

A missed charge allows the tag off to Luke though and the champs are rammed into each other. Back to back Battering Rams send Money Inc. outside again and it’s time for some Hart advice. That actually seems to work for once as IRS takes over on Luke back inside, including an abdominal stretch.

We get the classic heel cheating behind the referee’s back, because that’s what good villains are supposed to do. IRS grabs the chinlock but Luke fights up and kicks DiBiase in the face. The hot tag brings in Butch to clean house as everything breaks down. Hart offers a distraction though and IRS gets in a knee to the back. An elbow drop of all things is enough to retain the titles at 8:31.

Rating: C. This felt entirely like a house show match and that’s more or less what it was, despite airing on Prime Time Wrestling. The fun team got in a few moments before the villains cheated to keep their titles. They didn’t bother doing anything overly complicated here and let their talent shine through, which is something that is going to work more often than not.

Back at the court, Gene tries to explain the idea of serving to Heenan, who is more interested in the Freebird Sisters. Gene’s serve is fine enough (though Heenan thinks he hit an old lady), but Heenan uses his racket to pick up some drinks. Gene thinks his has been spiked but Heenan reminds him that it’s free. Ok then.

From Biloxi, Mississippi, March 10, 1992.

British Bulldog vs. Rick Martel

Martel sends him into the corner to start and flips backwards because he likes to show off. Bulldog isn’t having that and grabs a headlock, which kills the crowd a good bit. An armbar doesn’t get much more of a reaction but an accidental referee distraction lets Martel send him outside.

Some shots to the back have Bulldog in trouble and Martel, like anyone paying attention, stomps away back inside. Bulldog fights up and starts a rather basic comeback, only to have Martel bail outside at the threat of a right hand (that’s the moneymaker you see). That doesn’t work for Bulldog, who throws him back inside for a sunset flip (including Martel grabbing the ropes and getting caught) and the pin at 5:21.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one as it was a quick match with neither getting to do very much. Bulldog didn’t even get to use the powerslam, which made it feel a little lame. At the same time, they weren’t given the chance to really do anything, which is a shame as the talent is there for a good match. Bad circumstances here and they led to a not so good match.

We get a special profile on Intercontinental Champion Bret Hart. This includes the last few minutes of his title win over Mr. Perfect at Summerslam 1991 (an absolute classic) and the last few minutes of his defense against Skinner at This Tuesday In Texas.

From Springfield, Massachusetts, November 12, 1991.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Barbarian

Barbarian is challenging and tries to put the title around himself to start the match. We’re ready to go with Bret fighting out of a headlock but getting shouldered out to the floor in a big crash. Back in and another shoulder drops Bret again, but this time he manages to stay inside (baby steps).

A crossbody goes badly as well but Barbarian misses an elbow drop. An armbar slows Barbarian down a bit, at least until he comes back with a hot shot to drop Bret again. Some rams into the post keep Hart’s back in trouble and Barbarian slowly chops away back inside. There’s the required chest first buckle shot and Barbarian grabs the bearhug.

Bret manages to fight out pretty quickly and cuts off a corner charge with a raised boot. A clothesline into the backbreaker into the middle rope elbow gives Bret two but the kickout sends him outside (that’s rather strong). Barbarian grabs a suplex for two and tries another one, only to get small packaged for the retaining pin at 12:28.

Rating: C+. This was as 1992 Bret Hart of a match as you could get and that means it went pretty well. Bret could be put in there against anyone and do a nice job, with the Barbarian fitting the bill pretty easily. One of the big appeals for Bret is being able to wrestle a good match with any opponent and it was on full display here. Barbarian might not have been a major star, but he knew what he was and played it the right way for a very long time.

Heenan isn’t doing so well against a woman sitting in a chair hitting balls to him. He’s off to get a new racket and leaves us with this.

From Biloxi, Mississippi, March 10, 1992.

Natural Disasters vs. Nasty Boys

Jimmy Hart is here with the Nastys. We pause for the Nastys to argue with a kid in the front row until Sags slugs away at Typhoon. With that not working, it’s off to Knobbs vs. Earthquake, which isn’t as much of a disaster for the Disaster. Earthquake shoulders him down a few times but Sags gets in a cheap shot with the helmet (Hayes: “Now there’s a nice move.”) to put him down for a change.

As commentary debates how horrible the Nastys really are, Sags slowly hammers away in the corner. Earthquake shrugs off some running elbows so Knobbs comes in to cut off a tag attempt. The referee misses the tag to Typhoon, who comes in anyway as everything breaks down. Earthquake hits a quick elbow to finish Sags at 6:33 as Typhoon throws Hart at Knobbs.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here between two teams you don’t see together very often. The Natural Disasters were a heck of a monster team for a little while, as the visual alone made them work. The Nastys were really starting to click around here too, and having the whole Jimmy Hart jumping around from team to team deal made it all the better. Not much of a match, but at least it didn’t last long.

From Kalamazoo, Michigan, April 8, 1992.

WWF Title: Randy Savage vs. IRS

IRS, with Jimmy Hart, is challenging three days after Savage won the title. They hit the stall button to start as IRS won’t let go of the briefcase. Back in and they finally lock up, with Savage grabbing a headlock. A Hart distraction lets IRS get to the floor as Sean warns Hayes to watch what he says because Savage is going to see this tape.

IRS gets back in and is quickly atomic dropped to the floor, where Savage can knock him into Hart. Back in and another Hart distraction lets IRS get in a knee to the back to finally take over. Savage is sent face first into the steps and Savage is in trouble. They get back inside and we hit the abdominal stretch, complete with a pull of the rope. The referee manages to catch him this time though and Savage gets in a few shots.

Another knee to the back drops the champ again though, as IRS continues his usual steady but not so interesting offense. The chinlock goes on, as do IRS’s feet on the ropes, but Savage fights up again. With nothing else working, Hart gets on the apron with the briefcase, only to have Savage ram IRS into it instead. Hart is knocked down and the top rope elbow retains the title at 11:17.

Rating: C. This was getting into the lamer version of Savage, as it was take a beating for a long time and then get in one shot, followed by the elbow for the pin. Savage still felt like a major star, but save for the Flair match, he wasn’t quite the same in the ring. If nothing else, I do like the idea of giving him a fairly easy title defense, especially as he had only won the title in the huge match a few days earlier.

And now, a special feature with Mr. Fuji and the Berzerker, showing us…..how to throw a party? First step: turn down the music so we can actually hear Fuji. First official step: getting the invitations right. Or in Berzerker’s case, find someone in the back and kidnap them. Then you need “lots of little gimmicks and stuff”, like streamers and balloons. You also need good food, like finger sandwiches, which means sticking your fingers in peanut butter and ribbing them on bread. That’s all you need to know! This wasn’t funny.

From Kalamazoo, Michigan, April 8, 1992.

Repo Man vs. El Matador

Feeling out process to start with Repo taking him into the corner and then working on an armbar. You don’t try to armbar Santana (commentary calls him that so I can too) as he reverses into one of his own before hammering away. A running crossbody gives Santana a quick two but Repo is back with his basic shots to the face. The slam into a legdrop gets two but Santana is back with a clothesline. Repo gets knocked outside and grappling hooks Santana in the ribs for the DQ at 7:30.

Rating: D+. Blech. This was rather boring and never got out of maybe first and a half gear. Their offenses were both very basic, which is rather sad when you consider just how good Santana could be with almost anyone. Granted Repo was never known for burning up the mat, but how do you have a lame match with Tito Santana?

Post match Repo chokes with the hook again, making Santana foam at the mouth.

From Niagara Falls, New York, April 28, 1992.

Legion Of Doom/Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc./Nasty Boys

Jimmy Hart is here with the villains and the other side has Paul Ellering. It takes over a minute to decide who starts until we get Hawk shoving DiBiase into the corner. DiBiase has some better luck with chops but Hawk cleans house with chops. Everything breaks down and the bad guys are sent to the floor and we slow down again. Sean: “This really is a classic tag team match.” First off, no it isn’t and second off, it’s just over three minutes in. That’s some rather fast classic designating.

We settle down to Hawk elbowing IRS in the face but Sags comes in for an elbow of his own. The villains start taking turns on Hawk, including DiBiase grabbing a neckbreaker for two. We hit the chinlock, because that’s what the match needs right now. Hawk fights up, gets caught in the wrong corner, and everything breaks down. Earthquake beats on Knobbs before sitting on Sags for the pin at 7:59.

Rating: D. Egads this tape could not have ended any faster and even these guys felt like they wanted out of there. This was another dull match to end a tape of them and there was no way around it. I know they didn’t have a ton of time, but they should have ha enough talent in there to have some kind of a wild fight. But then again, why do that when you can just stand around in slow motion?

Heenan believes he has mastered tennis and tries to jump the net, only to crotch himself. Some women show up to talk to Gene and that’s how we wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D. Bret vs. Barbarian is a rather basic match that was well done with Bret being good enough to make it work. It’s also the best match on the tape by a good margin, which should tell you about all you need here. They really couldn’t put in a better Shawn match or something with Flair or Piper? I like Money Inc. and the Natural Disasters, but I really didn’t need to see them this much. Savage’s match was even against half of Money Inc. to make sure they’re on there again. This wasn’t so much bad as much as it was completely uninteresting, which made this a much harder sit. Watch anything else.

 

 

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