Survivor Series 2000
Date: November 19, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 18,602
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After Austin was run over last year, it was revealed that Rikishi had been driving. Once people realized this was possibly the dumbest idea in wrestling history, the story was changed to Rikishi being the henchman for the real big bad: HHH. Tonight’s main event is Austin vs. HHH in a grudge match, along with Rock vs. Rikishi in a match that no one was asking for. Oh and remember that Angle guy that debuted here last year? He’s world champion now and defending against the now biker Undertaker. For some reason I never remember this show so hopefully it’ll make a better impression on me here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about HHH of course. This is one of those instances where I’m fine with the focus not being on the title match, because this story is more important.

Steve Blackman/Crash Holly/Molly Holly vs. T&A/Trish Stratus

If there’s a story here, I certainly can’t think of it. This was during the time where T&A took over the APA’s offices and called themselves the T&APA. Molly is brand new here and is still quite cute. Blackman is Hardcore Champion. Albert and Blackman start things off and apparently Crash is here because the APA left him in charge of the office. Speaking of Crash he comes in and dives into a slam from Albert, which is countered into a cross body.

Trish wants to beat up Crash but kicks Albert low instead. Off to Molly so Trish runs. Test comes in so Molly bails. We’re doing a lot of running around here without anything of note happening. Crash hits a nice slingshot rana for two but gets his head kicked off by Test. The Pumphandle Slam is escapes and Test is sent into Albert. Trish comes in and misses an elbow so it’s back to Molly. Albert pulls Molly’s hair but Trish can’t do anything with her yet. Blackman’s tag isn’t seen and T&A beats on Molly for a second before everything breaks down. A bulldog gets two for Trish but Molly finishes her with a top rope sunset flip.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t terrible or anything, but why wasn’t this a dark match? The story is barely there, the wrestling was just ok, and I don’t think this really fired up anyone for the show. I don’t get the thinking here but maybe they just wanted to get this out of the way before we got to everything else? That’s all I can think of. Trish and Molly looked good at least.

Molly is about to fall out of her top and Jerry loses it.

Christian is sick so Edge and Christian can’t help Angle in the world title match. They’re on for beers after the show though.

Tiger Ali Singh and Low Down (Chaz (Mosh from the Headbangers)/D’Lo Brown) can’t get into the building. This guy was around for years and never went anywhere.

Radicalz vs. Team Chyna

Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero

Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, K-Kwik, Chyna

Kwik is R-Truth, which is what I’ll be referring to him as more than likely. Eddie is IC Champion and Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion. I would call this Team DX but they’re not together anymore. Saturn and Gunn get things going here but it’s quickly off to Chyna for a double suplex. Chyna pounds away in the corner as we’re waiting on the Eddie vs. Chyna showdown. A powerslam gets two on Saturn and there’s the handspring elbow but Saturn catches her. A DDT puts Saturn down but everything breaks down. Eddie hits Chyna in the back with a title belt and Saturn gets the easy pin.

Roadie comes in next but gets suplexed down almost immediately. Off to Eddie who pounds away and dropkicks Dogg’s knee out. Dean comes in but it’s quickly back to Eddie for a slingshot hilo onto the knee. Eddie goes up but runs his mouth too long, allowing Roadie to superplex him down. There’s the hot tag to Billy who immediately charges into a triple team in the Radicals’ corner. Smart guy that Billy. Billy fights them off and takes over on Eddie with a gorilla press and the One and Only (sleeper drop) for the pin and elimination.

Off to Dean vs. Truth with the latter flipping out of a hip toss. Truth tries a Downward Spiral but Dean falls backwards instead. Eh they screwed that one up. Off to Benoit who wants nothing to do with the hipping and the hopping so he Germans the tar out of Truth for the pin to make it 3-2. Off to Saturn vs. Road Dogg with the former taking over. Dean suplexes Dogg down for two and it’s back to Saturn for a northern lights suplex to get us down to Saturn/Benoit/Malenko vs. Billy.

Billy gets to fight Dean first with the Radicals taking over quickly. Benoit low bridges Billy but Saturn accidentally superkicks Benoit on the floor. Back in the ring Dean ducks his head and the Fameasser makes it 2-1. A Jackhammer gets two on Saturn as Benoit makes the save. Benoit hits the Swan Dive for two and the Wolverine is shocked on the kickout. Benoit is sent to the apron and Gunn tries to suplex him back in, only for the Warrior/Rude ending with Saturn tripping Billy and holding his foot for the pin.

Rating: C. This was fine but it never got to be anything interesting. Truth never worked in the WWF in his original run and the whole tandem rapping thing with Road Dogg didn’t work at all. Gunn was into that awkward singles stage of his which never worked the way the company wanted it to. Not bad here but it was nothing better than fine.

Rock is here and doesn’t want to chat with Lillian.

Jericho talks about a beast that is about to explode, meaning himself against Kane. Jericho spilled coffee on Kane and made burn remarks, setting up this feud. Unfortunately Jericho didn’t get the Sanka on a Pole match.

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Big pop for Jericho here. Jericho pounds away to start but the offense doesn’t have much effect. Kane slugs him down in the corner but Jericho keeps speeding things up. We head to the floor with Jericho diving mostly over the top to take Kane out. They head back to the apron and Jericho dropkicks Kane down to the floor. The steps get kicked into Kane’s face and the Canadian keeps control.

Jericho tries a top rope cross body but is easily caught and slammed down for two. Apparently Jericho has a bad back from being through through a window by Kane on Raw. Kane pounds him down in the corner but Jericho escapes a belly to back suplex with some right hands to the head. Jericho charges into a big boot and Kane hooks a freakish over the back choke, as in their backs are to each other with Kane pulling on Jericho’s chin while Jericho is in the air.

Kane pulls the buckle pad off but neither guy can get rammed into it. Kane uppercuts Jericho down over and over but Jericho keeps popping back up. Back to the floor with Kane still in full control. Kane goes up but gets crotched to slow him down. Another attempt at the clothesline jumps into a dropkick to the ribs and things speed up a bit.

Jericho blocks a big boot and goes up top with a missile dropkick getting two. Jericho’s forearm is caught but he slides down Kane’s back and rams him into the exposed buckle. There are the Walls on Kane for a good while but Kane finally crawls to the ropes. They get their legs intertwined and fall to the mat where Kane kicks Jericho off. In an embarrassing looking spot, Jericho hits the bulldog but Kane is too far away so the masked dude has to scoot over so it can hit. Not that it matters as he catches Jericho in a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work for me for the most part. The idea was supposed to be about Kane hating Jericho for insulting him, but instead this was just a wrestling match. On top of that the match wasn’t a particularly good one with Jericho not really doing anything beyond his basic stuff. Their last man standing match at Armageddon was much better.

Terri tells the Radicals that HHH has a plan for later.

European Title: Hardcore Holly vs. William Regal

Regal is defending and he complains about American manners before the match. Holly pounds away to start and Regal is more than comfortable in a fist fight. Regal trips Holly up and sends him shoulder first into the post. The fans don’t seem to care about this and I can’t say I blame them. Regal works on the arm for awhile before waving to the fans. Off to a cross armbreaker for awhile before Holly is stomped to the floor. Regal works on the arm a bit more but gets caught by a crossbody for two. A low blow stops Holly and it’s back to the arm. Holly finally snaps and goes to the floor, grabs the belt and hits Regal for the DQ.

Rating: D-. LAME match here as it kept going forever (even though it didn’t even last six minutes) and no one cared. Then on top of that Holly just goes to the floor and gets the belt for a DQ? Why would he do something like that? My guess is his brain was melted by how boring this match was. I have no idea what they were thinking here.

Angle is warming up in the back when Trish comes up. Tonight is the start of Angle’s second year in the company and Trish points out that Stephanie isn’t here tonight, so maybe Kurt needs some “special” assistance.. Angle appreciates it but doesn’t need Test and Albert. Kurt was hilarious back then.

We recap Rock vs. Rikishi. Rikishi was revealed as the driver of the car that ran over Austin. When he was explaining what he did, he said that he did it for the Rock. Rock rose up the card during Austin’s absence because while Austin was there, the Samoans were being held down. Yep, they turned it into a race thing. Rikishi was in a car driven by HHH and drove at Rock, hitting him in the chest with a sledgehammer, leaving Rock in bad shape coming into tonight.

Rikishi vs. The Rock

Rock charges at the ring and it’s on quickly. Rock pounds Rikishi against the ropes and hits a Samoan Drop. He grabs a chair but Tim White disarms Rock, allowing Rikishi to superkick him down. A single stomp to Rock’s injured chest gives the fat man control. Rikishi hits a legdrop and Rock is already in trouble. Rock tries some right hands but Rikishi takes him right back down with a side slam for two.

Rock sends him to the floor and sends Rikishi’s head into the steps. Seriously, Rock, you’re half Samoan. You know better than that. Rikishi pops back up and drops Rock chest first onto the barricade to take over again. The referee gets run over and we head back into the ring. Rikishi pulls out a sledgehammer but walks into a Rock Bottom before he can swing it. The referee crawls back in but it only gets a very delayed two.

Rikishi takes him down again and hits a headbutt to the chest to take over again. A Samoan Drop puts Rock down and Rikishi sits down on his chest for two. Rikishi rams into Rock in the corner and loads up a Stinkface to humiliate Rock a bit. Rock explodes out of the corner with a clothesline and both guys are down. A superkick misses and Rock spinebusters him down. The People’s Elbow gets…the pin? A single elbow apparently is enough to keep Rikishi down for about 40 seconds while Rock crawls over to him. That’s one heck of an elbow.

Rating: C+. This took a bit to get going but once they got to the big slugfest stuff it was a lot better. At the end of the day though, Rikishi just did not belong in this world and he never worked as a heel. He’s a fat guy in a thong and not a guy that people want to boo. Thankfully once the six man Cell was over he pretty much just stopped being a main eventer and formed a Samoan monster team with Haku.

Post match Rikishi destroys Rock and lays him out with a bunch of Banzai Drops to the bad chest.

HHH is with the Radicals when Foley comes in and bans the Radicals from ringside in the main event. HHH doesn’t care so Foley makes it No DQ as well. HHH still doesn’t care. Methinks evil is afoot.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita

Ivory is in the RTC and is defending here. Lita goes straight at her and the fight is on fast. A quick hiptoss puts Ivory down as does an enziguri. Ivory comes back with a clothesline as Jerry panics over seeing Lita’s thong. Ivory hits a right hand and HOLY SWEET GOODNESS is Lita bleeding from it! I mean she is GUSHING. During the replay of it, Lita botches a rana and drives Ivory’s head into the mat. I’m not sure which of those hurt worse.

Steven Richards comes out so Lita throws Ivory to the floor and hits a big dive to take both of them out. A cross body gets two for Lita but the moonsault misses thanks to Steven. Ivory misses a belt shot and gets suplexed down. Lita takes her own top off but the moonsault hits knees. Apparently Ivory pulled the belt up and knocked Lita out with it to retain.

Rating: D. This was like any Raw match you would have ever seen. That’s the theme for this show so far: most of the matches are nothing special and could have been on most TV shows. Lita looked out of it in there, which says a lot for her as she got WAY better in a few years, as did Trish. Nothing to see here. Ivory would start feuding with Chyna very soon.

Coach has no updates on Rock.

Jericho jumps Kane and beats him up, setting up their rematch.

We recap Angle vs. Undertaker. Angle won EVERYTHING his rookie year and Taker is Taker. That’s about the extent of the feud.

Taker says this is his show and he’ll win the title.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending if that wasn’t clear. Before the match, Angle asks us for a moment of silence to reflect on our favorite Angle moment of the last year. We get some Florida can’t vote right jokes before Angle lists off his accomplishments in the last year. Taker cuts him off before Kurt gets to the Eurocontinental Title. This is the match where Taker is wearing the stupid looking light camo pants. If there’s one thing Taker should always wear, it’s dark colors.

Angle stalls on the floor to start and won’t get in the ring to fight. Taker goes out and gets a chair as Angle is in the ring. The champ hides behind the referee and Taker throws the chair over to Kurt to even the odds. As Taker is removing his coat, Angle blasts him with the chair and the bell finally rings. Taker pounds away in the corner to start but apparently punches himself out, allowing Undertaker to hammer away in the corner. A legdrop gets two for Taker as he pulls Angle up.

Old School (I know it’s called that because Taker shouts OLD SCHOOL before hitting it) hits but Taker would rather walk around than cover. Angle bails to the floor before the chokeslam can hit and things slow down again. This is Angle’s game at the point: hang in there long enough until he can find an opening and attack. Back in and Angle snaps off a suplex to take over and send Taker to the floor. Now Angle is telling Taker to get in the ring and fight. Nice touch.

Kurt dives off the apron at Taker but gets caught with ease (Kurt: “OH GOD NO!”) and rammed into the post. Taker does it again for fun and Angle is in trouble. Back in and Taker pounds away on the back but Angle gets in some shots to the leg to take over. The leg gets wrapped around the middle rope but Taker comes back with a Fujiwara Armbar. Here are Edge and Christian for a distraction a second before Angle taps out. Like every other schmuck face, Taker lets go of the hold when he has Angle dead to rights.

Angle picks the leg and takes Taker down again before hooking a leg lock. This goes on for awhile because the fact that Taker hasn’t tapped out in ten years has never taught a heel that his hold is no better than anyone elses. Taker escapes and bails to the floor to beat up the Canadians who I believe are ejected. Back in and there’s the chokeslam as Taker’s leg is fine. Edge and Christian have the referee again so the chokeslam only gets two.

A quick rollup with tights gets two for Kurt and a Russian legsweep gets the same for Taker. After a quick breather for Angle on the floor, he comes back in for a bad Figure Four on the challenger. Taker reverses and Angle gets the rope as is the custom for this sequence. A powerslam gets two for Taker but Angle goes right back to the leg. Kurt throws the Figure Four on around the post but Taker kicks him off.

Back in and Taker is right back up to his feet because he doesn’t feel like selling tonight. There’s only so much Angle can do when all the work he does on the leg doesn’t mean anything because Taker won’t just freaking limp. Angle hits Taker low and like an idiot tries a Tombstone. Taker counters the counter and drills Angle off the apron to the floor.

Kurt dives under the ring but Taker pulls him back out. Back in and Taker hits the Last Ride….but the referee won’t count the three. Why not? Because that’s not Kurt Angle. That’s ERIC Angle, Kurt’s nearly identical brother in identical tights. Kurt comes in and rolls Taker up with a handful of tights for the pin to retain. That’s the first time in seven years that the title hasn’t changed hands at this PPV.

Rating: C+. That’s actually a brilliant ending and it keeps both guys looking strong at the same time. They used the same thing with Lesnar vs. Angle in 2003 and it still worked there too. As for the match, most of the praise for it should go to Kurt and most of the blame should go to Taker. Angle could wrestle the match of his life, but if Undertaker won’t sell the knee injury, it doesn’t make a bit of difference. That can’t be blamed on Kurt though, and the match wasn’t terrible as it was. These two would have MUCH better matches down the line too.

After some replays, Kurt runs from the arena to a waiting car to bail.

The XFL has cheerleaders!

Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian

Dudley Boys, Hardy Boys vs. Edge and Christian, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather

Buchanan and Goodfather are the RTC and they’re actually tag champions here instead of one of the other three teams. Bubba and Bull start things off but the crowd is kind of dead so far. Bubba elbows him down for two and it’s off to D-Von. A big boot puts D-Von down and it’s off to Goodfather for another boot to the head but no cover. Off to Christian who pounds away at D-Von but walks into a reverse inverted DDT. This match isn’t exactly taking off.

Matt comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. The Hardys take off their shirts to reveal camo shirts that match the Dudleys. In the melee, the Edge-O-Matic (actually called that here) pins Matt. D-Von vs. Edge now with the former hitting a swinging neckbreaker for no cover. D-Von takes down both Canadians with a double clothesline but a Buchanan distraction lets Christian hit the Killswitch for the elimination to make it 4-2.

Bubba comes in and throws Christian around a bit before it’s off to Jeff. The fans want tables but they get Jeff sent to the floor and a tag to Buchanan. Back to Bubba who runs over the Bull a few times and beats up Goodfather a bit too. The Canadians get backdropped a few times before Edge accidentally spears Buchanan down, giving Bubba an easy pin. Christian accidentally splashes Edge giving Bubba another easy pin. It’s Jeff/Bubba vs. Christian/Goodfather.

They botch something but Goodfather hooks a Death Valley Driver for the pin on Bubba. Jeff gets to start with Christian but knocks Goodfather off the apron first. Christian misses a charge and hits post. The Swanton eliminates Christian and about twenty seconds later Val Venis (also RTC) clotheslines Goodfather by mistake, giving Jeff the winning pin.

Rating: C-. Much like the rest of the show, this wasn’t bad but it was nothing interesting for the most part. The tag division would get going again soon with TLC 2 which was somehow even better than the first edition. Having Jeff win here is fine but without Matt at this point, the fans didn’t really care. Granted that could be said about the rest of the show too. Again, another acceptable match but nothing I’ll remember in an hour.

Jeff gets beaten up but the Dudleys and Matt make the save and put the RTC through tables.

Austin is walking.

HHH tells the Radicals they know what to do.

We recap Austin vs. HHH. You know the story by this point: Rikishi had a boss and it was revealed to be HHH. HHH explained that he did it because while Austin was gone, HHH rose to the top of the company and even took over everything. Tonight is the big fight between the two of them and it’s No DQ.

Steve Austin vs. HHH

No DQ remember. I miss the My Time song that HHH used to use, but this is a remix of it that isn’t as good. After a little staredown, Austin goes right at HHH and beats him around the ring. The initial beatdown goes on for a few minutes with Austin focusing on the back due to some physical therapy HHH has been having or something like that. HHH comes back with a Facebuster but Austin immediately hits the Thesz Press to take him right back down.

They head to the floor with Austin still in full control. Austin picks up a big piece of metal but HHH knocks it away. They fight over to the production area and then to the back and then back to the arena in a few seconds. Back in the aisle, HHH counters a suplex into one of his own to put Austin in even more trouble. They fight back to ringside and Austin is thrown onto the announce table before fighting back, sending HHH into the steps.

After destroying the timekeeper’s area, Austin slams a monitor into HHH’s head to bust him open. The beer cooler is thrown around, resulting in a huge puddle on the floor. Austin has a seat on the steps and has a beer because he’s thirsty. HHH gets thrown into the ring but Austin stops to yell at JR, allowing the Game to get in some shots. A Stunner is countered into a neckbreaker and both guys are down.

HHH sends Austin into the post and bends him around said post, now working on the back which Austin had surgery on. A brief Austin comeback is stopped dead by another neckbreaker. HHH’s psychology is working well here. Austin comes back with that whip spinebuster but the middle finger elbow misses. They head back outside with both guys getting whipped into the barricade. HHH gets the advantage and loads up a Pedigree on the steps but gets backdropped through the announce table in a cool spot.

They head back inside and HHH bails to the corner. WHY WOULD YOU BACK INTO A CORNER AGAINST STEVE AUSTIN??? He deserves the mudhole stomping he gets. There’s the Stunner but Austin stops before covering. Instead Austin gets a chair and sets to Pillmanize the ankle. He thinks twice of that and wraps the chair around HHH’s neck instead. HHH rolls to the floor and they fight up the aisle again.

This time they head to the production area and then through a curtain and into the back, the same place they went for a few seconds earlier. HHH rams Austin into an anvil case but Austin sends him into a soda machine. Here are the Radicalz to attack Austin and give HHH a breather. After referees pull back the Radicalz, Austin chases HHH into the parking lot where HHH gets into a car. All of a sudden HHH is on a mic which is stupid but you have to go with it. Austin is nowhere to be seen. Oh wait there he is in a forklift, picking HHH and his car up. HHH screams for mercy and is dropped down, destroying the car to end the show.

Rating: B-. This was ok but it never got to the point they were reaching for I don’t think. The problem here is the same as it was in 1996 for Austin: everyone remembers the rematch far better because it’s probably better. That being said, this wasn’t nearly as good as the first Austin vs. Hart match but I digress. This wasn’t that great, but it was ok. It’s not PPV main event good, but for a big brawl it was acceptable.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a really hard one to grade. The problem with this show is that while nothing on it was bad, nothing on it was good either. Nothing on this show is something that I will ever want to watch again because nothing on it is anything above ok. The title I used for the other review of this is that I never remember this show. Well there’s a reason for that: it’s not very good. If you have to see every show in the series you won’t hate it, but there’s no reason to watch this other than for the sake of completeness.

Ratings Comparison

Steve Blackman/Crash Holly/Molly Holly vs. T&A/Trish Stratus

Original: D+

Redo: C-

The Radicalz vs. Team Chyna

Original: B-

Redo: C

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B-

Redo: C-

William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D-

The Rock vs. Rikishi

Original: B

Redo: C+

Ivory vs. Lita

Original: D+

Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. HHH

Original: D-

Redo: B-

Overall Rating:

Original: D+

Redo: C-

That main event is the big surprise as I HATED it the first time but I thought it was pretty good here. Odd indeed.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/24/survivor-series-2000-i-never-remember-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Survivor Series 2000
Date: November 19, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 18,602
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s a most interesting time for professional wrestling as WCW is on the absolute brink of going out of business and ECW was either off TV or almost off TV. The WWF had won the war and they knew it. Austin is back, having returned about a month or two ago to go after the driver from last year, who I’ve already explained to be Rikishi. Kish has also revealed that he was working for HHH the whole time, leading to the main event of Austin vs. HHH tonight.

Also we have Kurt Angle, who won the world title the previous month, defending against the Undertaker who is the American at this point. Other than that, there’s not a lot here. The Radicalz are here, which more or less completes the roster up until the Invasion of the following summer. With that being said, let’s get to it.

The opening video is a cool looking one of HHH saying how he controls everything and how tonight it’s Game Over for Austin. This doesn’t sound like much but it was really cool.

I miss WWF New York. That has to be one of the coolest ideas of all time.

Trish Stratus/T&A vs. Steve Blackman/Crash/Molly Holly

Whoever can find the point to this match first gets a present. T&A had taken over the APA’s office and turned it into T&APA. Yeah it’s dumber than it sounds. This was mainly to get Trish on TV I suppose, but the problem was that she just flat out sucked at this point. I know she became the best in the company eventually, but at this point she was just terrible.

As Lawler stares at her (with good reason), Ross points out a cool stat: the last six Survivor Series have had the WWF Title change hands. That’s not something I would have picked up on and it’s what commentators are supposed to do: throw out something that we wouldn’t catch. For some reason, Crash is WAY over. Molly is a newcomer at this point, and she is completely underrated as far as looks go. She really was very attractive.

Blackman is still desperately in search for a personality. I never realized how long he was in the company for. He’s the Hardcore champion here, because that’s what he did. Blackman and Albert start as Ross mentions that Crash was left in charge of the APA, because that makes sense in some weird logic. Trish, more or less in a one piece swimsuit, kicks Albert low. T&A is Test and Albert in case you didn’t know.

Crash allegedly looks like Elroy Jetson. I’ve never seen it. He does hit a cool move where he flips over the top rope head first and catches Test in a hurricanrana. Teddy Long is the referee which amuses me to no end. We’re about a year away from the brand split, where Long would find a completely new career. Test takes Crash’s head off with a boot. That was awesome. There’s this weird smoke going through the arena. It looks really odd.

We get Molly vs. Trish, leading to Molly carrying her through this as she should. Trish hits her bulldog from the middle rope that gets two. Almost immediately after that though, Molly hits a sunset flip from the middle rope for the pin. She almost came out of her top here, which isn’t a bad thing.

Rating: D+. Uh, yeah. Can someone tell me why this was on Pay Per View, or better yet why it opened the show? The women were hot, and that’s about it. Oh and that Crash rana was cool. Other than that, this was a waste of 5 minutes. At least they kept it short.

Edge and Christian won’t help Kurt against Taker, due to Christian eating some bad chili and having mono. It sounds dumb but odd comedy was what they were best at so this was fine. Angle says he’s not worried.

Tiger Ali Singh (picture Daivari mixed with the Million Dollar Man) and Low Down (Mosh and D’Lo Brown) can’t get into the arena. That’s somewhat amusing.

Radicalz vs. K-Kwik/Road Dogg/Chyna/Billy Gunn

Kwik is more commonly known as R-Truth. He and Dogg are doing a rap gimmick that wasn’t half bad actually. This is likely because it got Dogg doing ANYTHING else. Since that was likely the point of the character change, he was put into a team here with his old friends Chyna and Billy, because that’s not a DX reunion at all is it? The Radicalz had shown up in January and had been around the midcard ever since, which was fine I guess as they had no resumes to speak of in this company.

Chyna’s Playboy would be coming out soon after this, causing me to be very happy as I had a big thing for her. Chyna had been with Eddie over the Summer but at this point they were estranged due to him screwing two hos, one of which being known as Victoria. Billy is now known as The One. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. At the moment Malenko is the Light Heavyweight Champion and Guerrero is the Intercontinental Champion and Terri is Saturn’s manager.

Billy and Saturn start off here which makes my head hurt. Why start with the least talented guys on each team? Chyna comes in soon and my heart goes all aflutter. She beats the living tar out of Saturn, which is pretty impressive. After a DDT (is there anything not perfect about this woman?), we get a big brawl and Eddie nails Chyna with the IC belt, allowing Saturn to pin her. Well that kinds of sucks. Now it’s Road Dogg vs. Saturn.

The Radicalz were an interesting team. When they were awesome they were very awesome but when they sucked they REALLY sucked. The Radicalz beat down the Dogg with relative ease, which makes sense. Eddie and Malenko come in for awhile to beat on him which is at least watchable. Lawler makes a great and true point when he says Dean doesn’t get the credit that he deserves.

Eddie takes too long on the top rope and Dogg makes his bad comeback. Ross says that there’s always something to remember in November. There has to be a bad lawsuit for ECW in there somewhere. Billy comes in and gets beaten down by the Radicalz as well, so at least some things never change. However, since he’s likely filled with cocaine, Billy pops up and beats on Eddie before using a sleeper drop to pin him. It’s not a great move but at least I see what they’re going for with it.

Kwik comes in and everything goes fast all of a sudden, but it ends just as fast due to a great Benoit German suplex to make it 3-2. What a shock: the Outlaws are the last two against the other team. I never once would have seen that coming. There’s a lot of brawling in the corner here, which isn’t really a good thing with this much of it. Despite being on the same team, the former Outlaws have gone their separate ways. Only in JR’s mind does that even begin to make sense.

A decent Northern Lights suplex takes out Roadie making it 3-1. This part is rather academic as they just beat on him over and over again. Eventually they hit the floor and Saturn messes up by superkicking Benoit square in the shoulder, which of course knocks him out. Billy gets in and hits a Fameasser on Malenko to make it 2-1.

Why does Billy against Benoit just sound like it’s a bad sign for the American? Billy actually kicks out of the headbutt which is kind of impressive. He goes for a suplex over the top but just like Warrior vs. Rude in 1989, Saturn hooks his foot to play the part of Heenan for the pin.

Rating; B-. Eh, it’s not terrible I guess. Actually at times it was even pretty good. There’s a lot of fast paced stuff in here which makes things go a lot better. Billy was the kind of guy that they tried so hard to push so many times and it just kept failing time after time. It’s not awful, but it could have been a bit better. I’m just not sure how.

Rock is just getting here and ignores Lillian’s questions.

Jericho says he was ready for a sanka on a poll match, but instead it’s just a regular match which is fine with him. He’s fighting Kane tonight in a feud that started over Jericho spilling coffee on Kane and then making bad jokes about Kane being burned, leading to this match.

As I’m watching this video where Jericho is still in the midcard and not a big deal yet at all, great talker, but he doesn’t have the resume yet. That’s a great sign for Miz. Anyway, Kane has spent about a month beating on Jericho, so there we are.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

The pop is just ridiculous for Jericho. But hey he wasn’t important so he couldn’t get a serious push for over a year right? He’s in way over his head here as Kane is still a monster and Jericho is at the point where he’s too big for the IC Title for the most part but he’s not ready for the main event yet.

Jericho pounds away which gets him nowhere. It’s so odd seeing him being all aggressive etc compared to what he usually does anymore. Jericho uses basic speed to get Kane to the floor but goes for a dive over the top but hooks his foot on the top rope and faceplants badly. Basically this is a lot of hitting and running by the blonde until he gets caught in a powerslam off a cross body.

The idea here is that Kane doesn’t like Jericho because he’s handsome and Kane is all disfigured. It’s so weird to think that this is in the same year as Wrestlemania 2000. I’m not sure why but that blows my mind. Kane hooks Jericho in a Hangman which the idea is that Jericho and Kane are back to back and Kane reaches over his head, grabs Jericho under the chin and lifts him onto his back. It looks insane.

Kane gets the turnbuckle pad off but can’t ram Jericho in. Jericho blocks the clothesline with a dropkick which for once is realistic looking with Kane having a reason to come off the top in that position. He sits up anyway and we’re right back to even. Kane goes for a Snake Eyes on the exposed buckle but gets rammed into it instead.

Jericho hooks the Walls and Kane is in trouble. After being in them for about a minute he finally gets the rope. They scare the heck out of me with one thing they do but Kane saves it. Jericho sets for the Lionsault and Kane literally has to scoot over three feet so it’ll hit. THANKFULLY he grabs the choke as Jericho lands so that’s all fine. Chokeslam ends it.

Rating: B-. It’s what you would expect from these guys but minus just a bit. The problem here is that Jericho just isn’t ready to fight a guy the size of Kane. Jericho’s big push would come soon, but he just wasn’t ready here. He made it look good though, which is the point in fighting big monsters that are higher up on the food chain than you, so I can hardly complain I guess.

Terri tells the Radicals that HHH is here. Something is funny apparently.

European Title: William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly

This is happening because of some argument they had or other. They more or less say we just threw this together. He makes fun of the country for not being able to elect a new President, which is exactly true. He does more insults about basic things, which isn’t really that impressive. Holly has just come back from having his arm broken by a botched Angle moonsault, which was barely touched on in I think a run in and a bad match on TV.

Since he’s intelligent, Regal goes after the arm that was injured. So we’re about three minutes into this and it’s been literally ALL Regal. What’s the point of this match again? Oh yeah we need to fill in time. Holly starts his comeback, but after three punches and a crossbody, Regal is back on offense again.

Oh wait he got a fourth punch! He gets three more and two clotheslines before they go to the floor. Holly has finally taken control, so he goes and gets the belt and blasts Regal with it for the DQ. Mounted punching follows. Well thank you for that.

Rating: D-. This was just stupid. Why was this on PPV anyway? It was about 6 minutes long and was about 95% Regal, before a stupid DQ. This looked like the start of an angle rather than a PPV match, but of course nothing ever came of it. I don’t get this one.

Trish hits on Angle. He doesn’t get it.

We get a recap of Rock vs. Rikishi. The fat man claims that Rock asked him to take out Austin, which turns out to be a lie. Rock says he wants nothing to do with Rikishi, other than having this match of course and making a PPV paycheck from it. Anyway, Rikishi is in a Lincoln, the same kind of car that ran over Austin and slams Rock’s chest with a sledgehammer. The car was driven by HHH which reveals him to be the accomplice and mastermind behind the whole thing. That leads us here.

Rikishi vs. The Rock

Ok number one way to get Rikishi over as a heel, change his freaking ring attire. The thong thing just looks ridiculous. Rock sprints to the ring and beats the tar out of him. He even gets a decent Samoan Drop on him. I’ve never seen him punch that fast. Anyway, Rock goes for a chair but it doesn’t work as the referee grabs it and Rock takes a superkick to the chest, which makes more sense than the jaw in this case. The psychology is here if nothing else.

A lot of guys would have completely ignored the chest thing and just done generic offense, but if nothing else Rikishi is working on the chest almost entirely. He punches it in three out of the four corners because for some reason Rock’s reaction to pain is so stumble to the right every time. The story of the match is basically this: Rikishi hits Rock in the chest a bunch, Rock holds his chest, Rock fights back, repeat. Rock continues to act as a bra by holding his chest as they go to the floor.

The referee goes down on the floor because there hasn’t been enough ridiculous brawling so far of course. The fat guy becomes HHH as he pulls out a sledgehammer. I love Rock’s ridiculous overselling. He hits the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee, which doesn’t matter because Rock can’t cover. Back on their feet, Rikishi keeps stopping the comebacks with the racially charged heabutts, because all Samoans have hard heads right?

The deadly fat man drop looks like it has finished the Rock and is going to allow the evil of thongs to reign supreme forever, but it only gets two. Rikishi hits the Stinkface, which has got to be the most retarded move of all time. I hate moves…no wait it’s not a move. I hate things like that where it’s supposed to be psychologically devastating. Rock comes back with a big clothesline and Rikishi does a big flip that he tended to do.

The elbow hits and after a long wait before covering and barely a cover, that’s it? Oh come on now. Post match, Rikishi gets up because he got hit by A FREAKING ELBOW DROP. I love the way Rock is holding his chest as it looks like he’s covering his nipples. Four Banzai Drops later, Rock is hurt apparently.

I love when announcers say people will never be the same. Of course they won’t be. They’re going to age, they’re going to have worked out more, they’re going to be more experienced etc. You’re never the same as you were before people.

Rating: B. This was actually good. Having Rock injured coming into it was required because it made it seem like he was in danger of losing. I also like how he won the battle but ultimately lost the war, as it makes Rikishi look like a bigger deal without weakening Rock. It’s not great, but it certainly carries itself well if that makes sense.

Raven is at WWF New York. Dang they screwed up that character.

Over an hour into the show and Austin is just getting here. That’s just great.

HHH is with the Radicalz and Foley, with a creepy looking short haircut, comes in and says the Radicalz can’t be in the match tonight. Also it’s no DQ, which makes it stupid because if it’s no DQ, what can Foley do if the Radicalz interfere?

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita

Ivory is in the Right To Censor at this point. She doesn’t like Lita because of the clothes. Due to that, Lita gets a title shot? What sense does that make? Lita of course looks great. I think they botch a spot as Lita ducks underneath about four moves off the ropes. I think they got that backwards somewhere. Ross says they’re live in Rwanda as well which is odd. Lita is busted open and I’d say it’s legit too.

There’s no reason she would have bladed this early or at all for that matter. Ivory is actually wearing a long skirt in this. Lawler implies that Ivory is bad in bed. Oddly enough she was brought in as a sex toy for Mark Henry. Lita hits some decent stuff but her eye is bothering her. She takes out Ivory and Stevie with a sweet plancha though. Ivory is pulled out of the way of the moonsault by Steven to get Ivory back on the offense.

This is a very fast moving match. I don’t mean in the sense of high flying, but it’s just going really quickly, which isn’t good. Ivory misses a shot with the belt and Lita takes her down and takes her top off, which I’m hardly complaining about. The moonsault doesn’t work again as Ivory as the belt ready, and she get the pin.

I’ve checked this more than once and I can’t actually see where Ivory covers her. Maybe I’m just missing it but I don’t see it at all. Ok the replay shows the arm over Lita so that works. For some reason Lita “never quitting” is impressive? OH DANG she’s bleeding badly. I didn’t realize it was that much.

Rating: D+. This is passing because of Lita’s looks. There’s just nothing at all of note here as it’s WAY too short and Lita looked bad in it. It might be because of the blood, but dang man. There’s just nothing appealing about this match at all other than looks, so yeah it’s pretty bad. Ivory would go on to feud with Chyna who would destroy her at Mania for the belt before killing its credibility by just leaving while still champion.

Coach says Rock is hurt.

Jericho beats up Kane despite having lost clean to him earlier.

We get a recap of the build to Taker vs. Angle. Angle has done more in a year than a lot of people do in a career, and Taker is Taker. That sums up just about everything. Taker says Angle will take his last ride.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Remember this is still good boy Kurt, not crazy psycho Kurt. Taker has been here for ten years, so he’s still a veteran, but not the long term veteran like he is now. That’s just amazing on a lot of levels. Angle asks for a moment of reflection on your favorite Kurt Angle moment from the past year. He would conduct a poll, but Florida would screw it up. He lists off his accomplishments and the way he does this is just hilarious. He had this character down from the day he debuted.

Naturally Taker cuts him off with a bad Kid Rock song. That man is the evil of wrestling, plain and simple. Taker’s pants are just a shade under white. That’s just making it difficult to take him seriously as a tough guy. Angle stalls the start of the match so Taker gets fed up with it and gets a chair which he throws to Angle. That’s kind of cool actually. Angle nails him with it and we finally get a bell. After Angle punches him a bit, Taker channels his inner Hulk Hogan by hitting a boot and legdrop.

Since he surely would have had the pin because that’s just the most awesome combination of moves in history, he pulls him up because he doesn’t want a minute long match. I think Taker is going for Old School. I base this on the theory that Taker shouts out OLD SCHOOL! I just can’t get over those pants. They’re like beige or something like that. This turns into a fistfight and I’ll give you three guesses as to who wins that. Both guys have scary strength.

Angle gets a belly to back suplex with ease and Taker catches Angle jumping at him from the apron without backing up a step. That’s just scary power. Angle starts working on the leg for the ankle lock. That makes sense. Taker works on the back which makes sense I guess, but the Last Ride isn’t exactly a move that needs a lot of buildup when you think about it.

I love the basic story here of Angle tries to use all these suplexes and psychology of the legs etc. and Taker just punches the tar out of him. Just as I say this, Taker hits an armbar. Edge and Christian run out and distract the referee while Angle is tapping.

Chokeslam doesn’t hit, because since Taker is a face that has a submission, he lets it go instead of just cranking on it until the referee is paying attention. I’ll never get the thought processes of wrestlers. Taker beats up Edge and Christian so at least some things never change. That’s good to know.

Angle takes a chokeslam which prompts Ross to shout about how it’s over, so naturally it’s not. The Olympian gets a bad figure four, but for the first time ever more than likely it’s on the proper leg. Flair is the master of the move, but he tends to put it on the wrong leg. Angle doesn’t have it on right but I guess that’s the tradeoff that’s made. Taker reverses it and Lawler assures us that Angle is NOT crying from the pain.

Taker is barely selling the leg, which bothers me. Is he Shawn Michaels or something? Since it’s Survivor Series, Angle puts the figure four on the pole. We have to have Bret Hart references left and right so why not? Taker STILL doesn’t sell the knee. Despite having his leg worked on for about ten minutes, Taker has the strength to pick up Angle for the Tombstone and walk around with him as Angle tries to fight it off. Are you kidding me?

I would understand this to an extent if it was Deadman Taker, but this is ridiculous. We go to the floor again and Angle hides under the ring. Taker pulls him out, takes him into the ring and hits the Last Ride for the pin? What the heck was that? It was nothing actually, because we only have two. The referee sees Angle’s face and realizes it’s a different person (Kurt’s brother Eric, also a pro wrestler but not a very good one at all.

They did the EXACT same storyline in 2003 with Lesnar instead of Taker.). The real Kurt comes in and rolls up Taker for the pin. Well that was different and at least it wasn’t a Montreal reference. We see Kurt running to a car that’s waiting for him unlocked and with the keys in the ignition in the parking lot where he speeds off.

Dang you would think that the defending world champion would have a better car waiting for him. That thing has to be at least four or five years old and it’s not even a pretty color.

Rating: B-. Well, I hate the ending, and I really hate Taker’s refusal to sell the knee, but this was good other than that. It worked fine for what it was, but Angle just wasn’t ready to hang with Taker yet. If you want the real main event level match from these two, check out No Way Out 2006. Now THAT is how it’s done. As for this, it’s good but not a classic. I liked it for the psychology, but some may not.

The XFL is coming. Let the jokes begin.

Edge/Christian/Right To Censor vs. Dudleys/Hardys

The RTC here is Buchanan and Goodfather and somehow they’re the tag champions here. That would last almost another month, which blows my mind. Ross points out how just about everyone has switched sides since last year which is amusing to me as it’s quite true that everyone can change from face to heel in such a relatively short amount of time. We start with Bubba and Buchanan if that tells you where this match is going.

D-Von makes things better with a jumping reverse elbow, which is one of the coolest moves of all time. This is broing for about a minute and a half or so until we get the big brawl that we knew was coming. Jeff is of course rocking a way too big purple sweatshirt and we get a quadruple DDT, which is somehow dumber than it sounds. Why is it dumb you ask? Are you telling me that in that whole time they were setting for it, no one that was getting dropped could throw a punch to the ribs to break it up?

That’s why it’s stupid. The Hardy’s shirts come off to reveal…more shirts. Well that was pointless. Oh ok they match the shirts the Dudleyz are wearing. That makes a bit of sense then. Immediately after that, Matt rips his off. Thanks for wasting our time. Jeff does the same, so our time is doubly wasted.

Thankfully just after that, Edge takes out Matt with the Edge-O-Matic, which is just an awesome name for a move, period. About a minute later after nothing of all of interest or importance, Christian hits the Unprettier on D-Von to make it 4-2.

This just isn’t that interesting. WWE needs to learn that just because a tag team is good together they’re not that interesting apart most of the time. Take the Dudleys for example. Does anyone care about either of them on their own? That might be a bad example as most people don’t care about them as a team anymore, but to be fair again they haven’t really been the Dudleys or anything close to them in about ten years now so whatever.

Bubba comes in and cleans house. Edge accidentally spears Buchanan and Bubba eliminates him. About thirty seconds later Bubba hits the full nelson bomb on Edge. Christian goes for a splash from the top rope for the save but misses and Edge is gone just after that. That leaves Christian and the Goodfather vs. Jeff and Bubba. Goodfather takes Bubba out with a really bad Death Valley Driver, which gets the very original name Goodfather Driver.

Christian hits the post and then in a very weird looking move, Jeff picks up Christian for a slam and literally just drops him. It looked odd to say the least. A very high and fast Swanton ends Christian and we’re at one on one. Hmm, a young and popular guy against a generic midcarder that found one gimmick that worked out of about 5 he was given. I’ll set the over/under at a minute. Who wants some?

After a misses splash with theatrics that certainly isn’t the Ho Train, Val Venis misses a clothesline that hits Goodfather for the pin. Well that was such a phenomenal ending that I don’t think there’s anything left for me to say about this match. The Right to Censor all beat on Jeff until Matt and the Dudleys come in for the save. You can figure out what happens by yourselves here.

Rating: C-. This started well, but it felt like it was clipped at the end. I mean there’s zero story or anything like that to get rid of the last about 5 guys in this. It’s just finishing move, thirty seconds of whatever, finishing move, repeat. I know they didn’t have a lot of time, but they could have done more than this.

Also, how in the world are the Dudleys in a match and they don’t get to do the freaking 3D? They’re known for three things: the 3D, tables, and the 3D through tables, and they don’t get to do it? Come on now. This could have been cut from the show or turned into a quick tag title match instead and it would have been much better.

HHH talks to the Radicalz about nothing at all.

We recap Austin vs. HHH, which really was a huge feud. Once Austin got back, the manhunt was on for the guy that Rikishi was working with. How they knew he had an accomplice was never flat out explained, but whatever. I guess it might be that Rikishi was just too freaking stupid to be able to pull this off himself but that’s neither here nor there. There were more attempts on Austin, such as dropping an anvil case being dropped near him and a guy hitting him in the head with a wrench.

HHH had apparently been a bit of a face around this time, but turned on Austin on Raw, revealing himself. JR was stunned by this for some reason. He wants to know why HHH would do this. In the words of Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “When are you going to get this through your pretty little head? I’M EVIL!”

Why can’t Ross get that? HHH did it because he’s a FREAKING HEEL. It’s his nature to do stuff like this. Anyway, HHH’s reasoning makes a lot of sense as he says that in Austin’s absence he took over the company and became the top guy, which is true.

HHH vs. Steve Austin

HHH gets booed out of the building and Austin gets the roof blown off the freaking place. The buildup for this was perfect, as the fans hated HHH for taking their hero from them for nearly a full year. That’s the best way to get heat, and HHH was somewhere in the range of the devil himself. He’s using the Disturbed theme music here which is good also. Two middle fingers go up and we’re on. As happened with a match yesterday, there’s just nothing to say here.

The problem with this match is simple: HHH has tried to murder Austin twice now, and they’re going to have a wrestling match over it. See how there’s just something missing there? This is just a big brawl. Now who saw that one coming? If you did, give yourself five points. Anyway, this is just ok at best. It’s just a fight all over the arena with HHH working on Austin’s neck and Austin working on HHH”s back and both guys punching and kicking each other a lot.

This is a match that would have benefited greatly from a gimmick not known as No DQ. This needed to be the Cell or Last Man Standing or something where you could have had a lot of violence that made sense. This is just mindless fighting with no direction at all.

Now before someone says to me “but KB it’s a fight. It’s supposed to not have direction”, I’d advise you to shut your idiotic mouth because you don’t know what you’re talking about. Take a look at something like Summerslam 2002 with Shawn and HHH and then take a look at a run of the mill hardcore match from say 2000. You can clearly see the difference. Now, yes the talent of the wrestlers makes a big difference, but that’s the point isn’t it?

Most of the time, the match should be about the wrestlers in the match, not the weapons or gimmick that’s going on. The wrestlers carry the match and not their surroundings and these two certainly are capable of doing just that. However, we just get a No DQ match, which means it’s more or less a failure. The heat is there, but it’s too long and too generic. This should have been about 10-12 minutes long and have been Austin being as violent as possible.

That’s where a Last Man Standing rule would have worked really well, because a pin here just seems completely stupid. Instead of that, what about a match where it’s just Austin beating the living tar out of HHH to try to keep him down, resulting in something absurd to keep him down. He comes close to that by using the chair around the neck of HHH but it doesn’t happen so that’s whatever.

After nearly 20 minutes of the exact same stuff time after time, they go to the back where the Radicalz are waiting. Austin fights them off as HHH tries to run him down again. Because HHH apparently can’t get out of the car in the minute and a half he has, Austin gets him up in a fork lift. After the time off screan for HHH to get out and get a mic on him, he is dropped about 15 feet to the ground with the last thing we hear being him shouting HOLY CRAP!

Do I even need to break down why this is stupid? Number one, he would die. Number two, he could have gotten out of the car about a dozen times. Number three, how in the world are we supposed to hear him when he’s in a car, outside, and on a forklift? Finally, HE WOULD BE DEAD. Naturally he was on Raw the next night. This ends the show as I can’t believe how bad that was.

Rating: D-. This was just bad on nearly every level. Like I said, there’s just no way to make a match work with the storyline that they built up to this with. I get what they were shooting for here, but it was just a complete and total failure. They just didn’t have enough for them to work with here and they had too much time on their hands out there. The Cell really would have worked perfectly here, but I can understand they didn’t want to use it twice in nine months.

The ending was just flat out stupid, plain and simple. Again, I get what they were going for here, but it just didn’t work at all for them. This was more or less the end of the feud for awhile as the main event of Armageddon 2000 was a 6 way HIAC match, which also explains why it’s not being used here.

Austin and HHH would both go for the title soon after this, resulting in an AWESOME 2/3 falls match at No Way Out where HHH won twice in a row. That would be more or less the last time they went at it as far as I can remember, which is good because this was awful and that was great. Anyway, this was just a horrible way to end the show and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall Rating: D+. OH MAN did this show suck. It took me forever to get through it because I just didn’t want to see what was next. There’s some at best ok stuff here, but overall I just didn’t care. It’s practically a transitional show, with Rock/Rikishi, Angle/Taker and Austin/HHH not having legit endings to the feuds. And wouldn’t you know it, the main event for Armageddon was just all six of them in the Cell for the title (Angle retains).

That’s just lazy booking to me, as even then the feuds didn’t have actual endings. The whole show just doesn’t feel like there’s any thought to it, and I can’t help but wonder if the XFL had something to do with that. Vince needs to stick to wrestling and not other random things, because it hurts his primary product. This could have been decent, but it’s a complete failure to me and I’d recommend staying away from it.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 23, 1999
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and in the surprise of the night, Mankind if the WWF Champion. That’s not the kind of thing you would expect to see, but then again this is 1999 WWF so oddities are a specialty. Steve Austin was attacked after the match was over, which should put him on the shelf for the time being. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a stills package of Mankind winning the WWF Title in a heck of a shock, plus the heck of a beatdown on Austin’s knee after the match.

Opening sequence.

Lawler welcomes us to the show, describing this as an action adventure series. That never sounds right.

JR is in the ring to interview Mankind but HHH and Chyna come out instead. HHH says there will be no celebration at his expense because he has been screwed over and over. It was supposed to be his moment because he became #1 contender. Then everything kept being taken away from him because the bar kept being raised. It happened time after time and once he got to Summerslam, he got a bogus referee who wouldn’t count a pin when he had a man beaten.

The fans chant for Austin and HHH goes on about how he had Austin beaten last night. The air came out from Austin’s soul and he was a beaten man, but it was a bunch of bull. Last night, HHH beat Austin within an inch of his life and now he’s laid on his back in a hospital bed with his legs in the air like a cheap prostitute. HHH remembers that Mankind and Austin are JR’s boys so he must be happy with what happened.

Well HHH is going to be happy right now, and he grabs JR in an armbar. He demands Mankind come out here right now or he’s snapping the thing. Cue Mankind but HHH says stop right there. The match is in a hurry….and HHH Breaks the arm anyway, as he should have. Mankind comes in to chase him off and says that since HHH broke his promise, he’s breaking his own: no title shot. Cue Shane McMahon to say oh yes the title shot is happening. So we just had a swerve into a swerve in the span of a minute and a half. It’s 1999 all right.

Michael Cole replaces JR.

Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Al Snow

Dogg is challenging but Snow jumps him during the catchphrases (that’s evil). A chair shot puts Dogg on the floor and it’s time to unload with the weapons. Pepper the dog, in a pet carrier, watches as Snow loads up a table and Cole wonders why Pepper isn’t talking to Road Dogg (that was kind of funny). Snow tries to ride a ladder down onto Dogg on a table but only the ladder hits the table. Dogg puts Snow through the table but here is Chris Jericho to go after Dogg for the no contest.

Post match, Big Boss Man comes out to hit Snow with the nightstick and STEAL PEPPER!

We cut to the back where Chris Jericho and Road Dogg are still fighting but Boss Man comes by to deck Dogg. Boss Man throws Pepper in the back of a car and drives away, with Al Snow showing up to give chase.

Post break Snow is asking if anyone knows where Pepper is, apparently not having seen Boss Man leave. He wasn’t that far in front of him.

Tag Team Titles: Acolytes vs. Undertaker/Big Show

Undertaker/Big Show, with Paul Bearer, are defending with Kane/X-Pac on commentary. Of note, since Road Dogg did his own intro, Undertaker and Show’s intro marks the first ever introduction from the new ring announcer: Lilian Garcia. The Acolytes jump Show to start but he double clotheslines them down. A chop block slows Show down and Bradshaw drops him with a top rope shoulder, as Undertaker isn’t bothering to do anything. Faarooq goes after Undertaker and gets thrown over the announcers’ table for his effort. The brawl is on, with Kane and X-Pac getting involved for the DQ.

Post match X-Pac and Kane get double teamed, including Undertaker chairing the heck out of Kane.

Test asks Stephanie McMahon to stay in the back for a bit.

And now, the Blonde Bytch Project, a Blair Witch parody, featuring Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards. They go out to find the title character and that’s the end of the first episode.

Here is Test for a chat and we look at some stills of him beating Shane McMahon last night. He has been through a lot lately and if he had to do it again, he would. There comes a time when you have to ask some questions, and sometimes you have to pop one. Therefore, he would like Stephanie McMahon to come out here.

Cue a smiling Stephanie but Shane McMahon runs in almost immediately. Violence is teased but Stephanie says hold it because Andrew (egads) makes her happy. Why can’t Shane love his sister for who she is? Test pulls Stephanie away and drops to a knee for a rather fast proposal. Stephanie needs some time to think about it but she does love him. Everything seems to be ok.

Chris Jericho wants Howard Finkel (whose name he can’t remember) to do something to be like Jericho.

Here is the new Eurocontinental Champion, Jeff Jarrett, along with Debra and Mark Henry. Jeff is happy with how Mark Henry helped him against D’Lo Brown last night, so he has a gift for Henry: the European Title! Debra has a present too. As the boss of Jarrett Enterprises, she needs an assistant. Since she already has the puppies, here is the debuting Miss Kitty, which seems to work for Debra. As for Jeff himself, he has left an open contract for a title shot on the locker room door. Someone can go sign it so we can have a title match for later. We have a match now though.

Mark Henry vs. Meat

Hold on though as D’Lo Brown jumps Meat in the back and we have a replacement.

Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown

Non-title (I think). Brown hammers away to start but gets tossed up and onto his face. Henry misses the legdrop though, allowing Brown to hit one of his own. The Low Down connects but Jeff Jarrett comes in for the DQ.

Billy Gunn is looking for a pen and tells Chyna to watch the contract so no one can sign it. With Gunn gone, Chyna signs it herself. What a lying friend!

Post break, Billy can’t find Chyna and (jokingly, at least I think), calls her a b****.

The Rock vs. Gangrel

Gangrel has the New Brood, better known as the Hardy Boys, with him. Before the match, Rock says he’s ready to do various horrible things with Gangrel’s cup of blood. The brawl is on to start with Rock hammering away and hitting a clothesline out of the corner. Gangrel is smart enough to roll outside to avoid a worse beating and a New Brood distraction lets him takeover.

Back in and Rock hits a DDT for two and, after shrugging off Matt Hardy, sends Gangrel over the top. A quick necksnap across the top lets Gangrel get in a few shots but Jeff dives off the barricade to cut off Rock’s comeback. Cue Edge and Christian to go after the Hardys and Rock punches Gangrel down in the corner. The Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow finish in a hurry.

Rating: C-. I remember watching this match when I was a kid and it has always stuck with me. This wasn’t the start of a new story and it wasn’t going to go anywhere after the pin. What you got instead was a big star beating a lower level star, meaning neither of them are hurt. They kept it short and it was a watchable match, but it gave Rock something to do and Gangrel doesn’t lose anything (save for a match). Perfectly fine.

Post match the Rock says the WWF is trying to hold him back with people like Billy Gunn and Gangrel. He wants to be #1 contender and thinks it’s time to take matters into his own hands.

Howard Finkel is firing himself up because he’s “a warrior”.

Tori thinks Ivory has a humiliation fetish so let’s have an evening gown match on Smackdown. Yeah Smackdown debuts this Thursday and I believe this is the first mention of the show.

Here’s Howard Finkel to the Ultimate Warrior’s theme music to say that Chris Jericho is here to make this company better. There are some simpletons who don’t get it though, like the Road Dogg. Finkel calls Dogg out to explain what Y2J is all about. Cue Road Dogg, so Finkel shoves him a few times. That earns him a grab of the sweatshirt, but Chris Jericho comes through the crowd (after the full countdown) to beat Dogg down. Back to back powerbombs let Jericho pose on Dogg’s chest, complete with a C’MON BABY!

Billy Gunn is still looking for Chyna but HHH says don’t look too hard or you might find her.

Hardcore Holly is tired of his cousin Crash so he invites him to a battle of the super heavyweights.

Hardcore Holly vs. Crash Holly

Crash starts fast by dropkicking him out to the floor and they’re out in the crowd in a hurry. They wind up over by the sound equipment and then go backstage where both of them are whipped into various walls. Hardcore whips him into a ladder and they go outside to wrap this up. Not long enough to rate, but it wasn’t exactly a match anyway.

Steve Austin has suffered tendon and ligament damage in both knees thanks to HHH. Mankind comes in to say that HHH has done some stupid things in his quest to become a tough guy. He and Austin have never seen eye to eye but Austin has basically funded his retirement!

Al Snow is still distraught.

Mideon/Viscera vs. X-Pac/Kane

Paul Bearer, Big Show and Undertaker do commentary, including stealing Michael Cole’s headset. Lilian Garcia: “The following contest is scheduled for one round!” Mideon hammers on X-Pac to start so Kane comes in to take over instead. Cue the Acolytes down the ramp, with Undertaker calling them the phony tough and the crazy brave. Kane chokes Mideon on the mat as Bearer refers to himself as slender, with Undertaker not quite buying it.

Mideon manages to take him into the corner but Kane fights them off like they’re Mideon and Viscera. A Samoan drop puts Kane down for a good half second as he sits up, as Lawler asks if Big Show would ever stab Undertaker in the back. Undertaker: “King, you ever make another stupid comment like that and I’ll stab you in the face.” The hot tag brings in X-Pac to clean house with a Bronco Buster each. The Acolytes beat on Kane outside though, leaving Viscera to crush X-Pac behind. A splash is good enough to give Viscera the pin.

Rating: D+. That wasn’t the best one round match, if nothing else because they managed to have nine people involved in about four and a half minutes. That’s a very Russo deal, as he liked to have a lot of people running in and out, even if it might have been a bit much. You could have dropped either the Acolytes or the Undertaker/Big Show, but why do that when you can have EVERYONE?

Chris Jericho is thinking about giving Howard Finkel Smackdown.

Billy Gunn calls Chyna out for a less than friendly chat. Cue Chyna, with Gunn saying that he had a chance to be Intercontinental Champion, but she’s playing a game. Chyna says she isn’t playing and a brawl seems imminent, but here is Jeff Jarrett to hit Chyna with a guitar. Miss Kitty tries to give Jarrett another, only to have Gunn take it away and blast Jarrett instead.

We recap the WWF Title match being set up.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Mankind

HHH is challenging and the Rock joins commentary. Rock: “Who’s booking this crap?” Cue Shane McMahon in a referee’s shirt so the fix can be even further in. Mankind knocks him down into the corner to start and hits the running knee to the face. That’s not even good for a one, as Shane is too busy shouting at the Rock. Mankind whips out Mr. Socko to take out Shane but has to backdrop his way out of a Pedigree attempt.

That means HHH can get Socko as well but here is Chyna, who gets a sock of her own. A double arm DDT plants HHH for a delayed two so they head outside to keep brawling. HHH whips Mankind into Chyna, who hiptosses him into the steps for a nasty crash. Back in and a neckbreaker gives HHH two, followed by a hard toss into the post.

There’s the jumping knee to the face (Rock: “Mankind sucks.”) into the knee drop but Mankind fights out of the corner. A running clothesline gets two and the Cactus Clothesline does what the Cactus Clothesline does. Shane is back up with a chair to Mankind, followed by HHH charring Mankind and the Rock for a bonus. The second referee is taken out and it’s the Pedigree to give HHH the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This was a brawl for the most part and that’s what it should have been. They needed to get to the HHH title reign somehow and that’s exactly what they did. Mankind didn’t feel like he had a chance to retain here and sometimes that is the right thing to do. This is the historic title change and it was the right time to do it.

The Peacock version include the Extra Attitude post show footage, including HHH going after Mankind again. Mankind fights back this time and Rock comes in to help beat up Shane. A double People’s Elbow connects and Rock goes up the ramp, leaving Mankind to hit his own People’s Elbow. Mankind joins Rock on stage and wants a hug but has to settle for a handshake. Rock comes back out, the two of them stare at HHH and Shane, and it’s another handshake into a hug. The villains get to pose on the stage to end the night.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of the better remembered shows from this era as it felt like something important actually happened. You don’t get that very often in this era, as so many of the things that take place come and go in the span of a few hours. The shows still go by so fast and there are a lot of things that don’t work, but it was nice to have a show that felt like it mattered for once and that was the case here, making it a little bit better.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 1999
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 14,178
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

My seemingly never ending quest to finish this year continues a mere eleven and a half months after the last two episodes. It’s the go home show for Summerslam and we are gearing up for Chyna getting her shot at the WWF Title against Steve Austin. That was the big story coming out of last week, as it was much more important than Chris Jericho’s debut. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Steve Austin having been attacked and Chyna becoming the new #1 contender for the WWF Title at Summerslam. If that sticks for more than two hours, I’ll be stunned.

Opening sequence.

Here is former #1 contender HHH, who is not happy with Chyna’s recent success (but he should be happy that he can rock some shorts). HHH wants the focus where it belongs and brings out Chyna. With Chyna in front of him, HHH talks about everything that Chyna has been through to get here and wants her to bask in her glory. HHH talks about how Chyna qualified for the Royal Rumble and he had a limo full of flowers for her. Then she qualified for King of the Ring and he got her an emerald ring (though he does not sound thrilled with any of this).

HHH talks about how he has always given to her, just like she has always done to him. Over the years though, he has never asked Chyna for anything…until now. What he wants is for them to have a match for the #1 contendership right now and Chyna can lay down for him. Chyna: “No.” HHH isn’t happy with that and says he made her so he can break her. He isn’t having this and is flat out telling her that he is getting the title shot. Chyna says he doesn’t have the right anatomy to beat her and the match seems to be made for later tonight.

Chris Jericho can’t find the stage.

Road Dogg vs. Al Snow

Dogg does his usual intro and Snow has his dog Pepper with him, which he hands to Lawler. This results in some screaming as the dog seems to be a bit wetter than usual. Dogg hammers away in the corner but Snow is right back with the arm trap headbutts. A slingshot legdrop hits Dogg again as we cut to a closeup of Pepper’s face for a pretty hilarious transition. Snow misses the moonsault and it’s time for the dancing punches….with the big one hitting the referee. Cue Big Boss Man to hit both of them with the nightstick and Dogg falls on top for the cheap pin.

Chris Jericho does NOT need his hair done. It’s already magnificent.

Here are Big Show and Undertaker, the latest monster pairing, along with Paul Bearer. Undertaker tells everyone to sit down and shut up because there is a Tag Team Title match tonight. It isn’t going to matter though because they are going to win the titles on Sunday. As for this week, Undertaker put Big Show through his paces by making him ride a motorcycle through Death Valley. The catch is Show only has enough gas for half of the trip.

Undertaker caught up to him and asked how Show was going to survive, with Undertaker saying Show promised to…..stab him in the back, cut off his flesh and make a coat to walk across the desert. Undertaker left him alone though and waited at the edge of the desert, where Show came out with snakeskin boots and carrying his motorcycle on his back. With that disturbing story out of the way, here is Chris Jericho of all people to interrupt.

Jericho says these two giant slugs have been out here to send people into their own worlds. They can’t form a coherent sentence so Jericho is here to save this segment. The only thing amazing about the two of them is the amount of TV time they are getting to make everyone change the channel. Well you can stop changing the channel because CHRIS JERICHO IS HERE!!! Undertaker doesn’t know who Jericho is, but he looks like someone with less ring time than Undertaker has had shower time. What a bizarre interruption, but nothing was topping that nutty Undertaker story.

Post break Chris Jericho has found a follower in Howard Finkel. This could be glorious.

Chyna vs. HHH

For Chyna’s #1 contendership and they slug it out in a hurry to start. Chyna charges into a shot to the face in the corner though and HHH punches her down again. The DDT brings HHH back down for two but he is back up with the facebuster. The stomping is on in the corner and HHH hits the running knee. Back up and Chyna backdrops him to the floor for a breather. Cue Mankind (fresh off of knee surgery) to hit HHH with the steps to give Chyna the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a bunch of punching and kicking with HHH dominating until Mankind cost him the win. It’s still hard to imagine Chyna getting a World Title shot at Summerslam but they threw in a curve ball here. We’re in a rather different world at this point and it can be fascinating to see all of these twists and turns.

Post match Mankind chases HHH off before coming back in to grab a mic. Mankind knows that there has always been some sexual tension between the two of them in their revealing little outfits (Chyna’s stunned face here is great), but he wants a piece of Summerslam. Therefore, if Chyna has the testic…..ovarical fortitude, she’ll give him a shot at the #1 contendership tonight. A low blow seems to be a no, but she grabs the mic to flat out say no. Mankind: “You sure?”

Chyna goes to leave but here is Commissioner Shawn Michaels to interrupt. After calling her honey and buttercup, Shawn thinks everyone who crosses Chyna gets a certain part of their body crushed. Shawn has a special place in his heart for Mankind though and the match is on for tonight.

Test vs. Steve Blackman

Blackman takes him down to start but misses a jumping elbow. That earns Blackman a swinging neckbreaker but here is Shane McMahon (feuding with Test) for a distraction. Blackman hits a bicycle kick so Shane comes in with the kendo stick for the DQ despite not actually doing anything.

Post match the beatdown is on but Ken Shamrock runs in to go after Blackman. Shane’s save attempt fails so Blackman canes Shamrock down as well. The villains leave Test and Shamrock laying.

Steve Austin says you don’t bounce a cinder block off of his head without getting some payback so everyone is on notice. As for Summerslam, he could beat HHH in twenty minutes but it could take five minutes or fifteen seconds to beat Chyna. If it’s Mankind then so be it because he’ll beat anyone.

Tag Team Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Acolytes

Kane and X-Pac are defense and it’s a brawl to start with X-Pac and Faarooq fighting on the floor. That leaves Bradshaw to hit a top rope shoulder on Kane as Big Show and Undertaker are here to watch. A double shoulder drops Kane again but he’s fine enough to send Faarooq head first into the mat. X-Pac comes in and gets taken down with a bulldog but is right back with his flipping clothesline. That’s enough for the tag to Kane for some house cleaning, including the top rope clothesline to Bradshaw.

X-Pac has to be saved from a powerbomb but Bradshaw can connect with the fall away slam. The second beatdown sequence is on, including Faarooq nearly losing X-Pac on a very fast powerslam. Back to back neckbreakers give Bradshaw two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and X-Pac grabs a quickly broken sleeper. A spinwheel kick gets X-Pac out of trouble and it’s back to Kane as everything breaks down. The Clothesline From Bradshaw blasts X-Pac but Kane chokeslams Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: C. Totally watchable match here as X-Pac and Kane were good choices for the little man/big man combination. I don’t think there was any doubt about a title change, but that might be the modern fan in me talking as the idea of complete insanity often reigned at this point. Best match of the night by a mile though, which shouldn’t be a big surprise.

Post match the Acolytes lay out the champs.

Hardcore Holly tells someone we can’t see to come out when he says to.

The British Bulldog is coming back.

Here is Hardcore Holly for a chat. Holly talks about being backed into a corner and that is something he just does not like. That’s why he has taken it upon his super heavyweight self and gotten himself another super heavyweight. Therefore, he would like us to meet his cousin: CRASH HOLLY! Crash says Undertaker and Big Show have some real problems now and pats Hardcore on the face. That’s grounds for a fight and they’re already brawling on the floor, plus into the crowd.

Mankind talks about how he and Chyna have had a few things going on, but he would never hit a woman in the mouth. He will however put a sock in her mouth and become #1 contender.

Mankind vs. Chyna

For the #1 contendership and we see HHH being held back by referees. Chyna kicks Mankind into the corner to start but he switches places with her. Mankind can’t bring himself to throw a punch so he throws her down with something like a hiptoss instead. A low blow gets Chyna out of trouble and the DDT gets two as HHH is forcing his way closer to the arena. Chyna gets in a slam as HHH has made it to the stage. The distraction lets Mankind whip out Mr. Socko for the Mandible Claw and the win.

Post match HHH runs in for the brawl with Mankind but Chyna breaks it up, allowing HHH to go after Mankind’s bad knee. Referees come out to separate them and here’s Shawn Michaels to announce Mankind as the #1 contender. Cue Shane McMahon (who needs his own song so I don’t think it’s Vince) to say that there is a conspiracy against HHH so tonight, it’s HHH vs. Mankind for the #1 contendership with Shane as guest referee. Shawn says hang on a second because as the Commissioner, he’s going to be the other referee for the No Holds Barred Falls Count Anywhere match. That’s also known as a Russo Special.

The Hollies have fought outside and onto a production truck, where Crash slams Hardcore. After asking if Hardcore is ok and being told he is fine, Crash gets suplexed as the fighting continues.

Here’s Billy Gunn for a chat. He has had an allergic reaction to his a** treatment, which has been swelling a bit. He’ll still be at Summerslam though and the Rock is going to look even worse than his a**. Cue the Rock to say Billy is one big piece of chicken s*** and walk us through the start of their theme songs. The fans at Summerslam are going to point at the Rock and watch him layeth the smacketh down.

The Rock brings out a woman with some rubber gloves, who gave Billy a special massage last week. What Billy doesn’t know though is that she rubbed a certain part of Billy with the people’s poison ivy. With that out of the way, Rock tells her to pancake herself back to Chicago as Billy lays on the ropes for a bit of relief.

Rock has some options at the moment. He could get a bottle of calamine lotion, pour the lotion out, fill it with monkey waste and stick it inside Billy, or he could walk down to the ring (like this), listen to the millions chanting his name (like this), embarrass a jabroni who holds the Rock’s glasses (like this, with an IT DOESN’T MATTER), and check Billy into the SmackDown Hotel.

The fight is on with Billy finding a kendo stick and taking Rock out with a few hard shots. Billy even steals some of Rock’s catchphrases before shoving Rock’s face against….well you know. Two things here: it continues to amaze me how ridiculous Gunn’s gimmick was, and also Rock was really not doing much at this point. Seriously, Billy Gunn at Summerslam?

Post break, Rock promises to make Billy famous at Summerslam, including making Billy give him a special kiss.

Mankind vs. HHH

For the #1 contendership (third time tonight) with Steve Austin on commentary. Shawn Michaels and Shane McMahon are the guest referees and this is hardcore, because HHH and Mankind need that many things going on. They slug it out to start as Austin talks about how someone has FINALLY fired HHH up. Mankind hammers him down in the corner and hits the running knee as Austin sounds ready to beat up Lawler.

The fight heads outside with Mankind sending him face first into the steps and choking with a camera cord. HHH is back with a clothesline and pounds away against the barricade. A backdrop on the ramp gives Mankind two (er, four, as it’s a double two, which isn’t three) but here’s Chyna with a cheap shot to take Mankind down again. Mankind gets in his own low blow but HHH grabs a small package for two more on the ramp.

They head back back to ringside with HHH sending him knees first into the steps as Austin threatens to Stun Jesse Ventura on Sunday. The knee is stomped in a variety of ways and the Figure Four goes on, sending Mankind to the ropes. As Austin (accurately) asks why the hold is broken in a No Holds Barred match, Chyna gets in another shot to the bad knee, HHH knocks Mankind back to the floor. A posting cuts Mankind off again and it’s time to bring in a chair.

Shawn takes the chair away from HHH though (Austin: “WHAT WAS THAT???”) and a double arm DDT gives Mankind a breather. The argument is on between the referees so Mankind loads up Mr. Socko on HHH. That earns him a belly to back suplex onto the chair….and it’s a double pin, because A DOUBLE REFEREE NO HOLDS BARRED FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH CAN’T HAVE A STRAIGHT FINISH!!!

Rating: C. Of course these two had a decent match against each other but egads that was a lot to take in at once. The ending sets up what should be an obvious triple threat match for the pay per view, because WWE liked doing wacky things at this point. The ending was all kinds of insane, but you had to know that was coming with something this screwy.

Post match the argument continues until a triple threat title match is announced for Summerslam. Shawn leaves, Austin beats up Shane and Mankind brawls with HHH to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Yeah I’m not sure what you were expecting here as this show had three #1 contenders matches (which gave us two #1 contenders), the people’s poison ivy and all kinds of short run ins and no contests/DQ finishes. There is WAY too much stuff going on with this show and it’s the biggest problem with this era. Another very busy show with very little to show for it, save for Crash’s debut of course because that is historic.

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Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 19,776
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was one of the shows that tied for the most votes for a redo but I’ve seen Wrestlemania X, the other option, more times than I really need to and this sounded more interesting. It’s kind of an infamous Wrestlemania as there are no singles matches on the entire show but it is the biggest show of the year in the best year WWE has ever seen. Let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner. Sweet goodness she can knock that out of the park.

The opening video is a quick “hey it’s Wrestlemania” before looking at the four way main event with a McMahon in each corner. That’s all that really matters here, but it’s quite the big deal.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Ice T. raps Godfather and Brown to the floor with an original song, including telling the fans to “GRAB YOUR B******!” Brown slugs away at Buchanan to start and it’s off to Godfather in a hurry. That means a slam into the spinning legdrop, only to miss the big elbow (which would have missed by three feet anyway). Boss Man comes in and the fans aren’t pleased, mainly because this is their opener.

It’s back to Buchanan, who hits that perfect top rope spinning clothesline so Boss Man can come in for the running crotch attack to the back. A big boot into the ax kick gets two as Lawler can’t help but freak out over Godfather’s ladies. Buchanan whips Brown into the steps and it’s back inside for the bearhug.

The fans get on Boss Man again as Brown fights out, only to get caught with a backbreaker as JR makes XFL references. Buchanan goes up so Godfather shakes the rope for the crotching. A hurricanrana allows the hot tag to Godfather and there’s the Ho Train to Boss Man. Everything breaks down and it’s a Boss Man Slam to Brown, followed by the great looking guillotine legdrop for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: D+. What a completely bizarre opener. This would have been a filler match on any given episode of Raw and it’s the first thing you see on Wrestlemania? With the heels winning? It’s a really weird choice here and serves no major purpose, so why go this way? The crowd was surprised and a bit deflated, which is a rather stupid choice to open the show. Totally weird one here.

HHH and Stephanie, the Women’s Champion, are rather chill before the huge main event.

We see Crash handing over the Hardcore Title so it can be defended in the Hardcore Battle Royal.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Crash, Tazz, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Hardcore Holly, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Mosh, Thrasher, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending and this is a big free for all with falls counting anywhere. Whoever gets the final fall leaves as champion, with no limit on the title changes allowed. It’s a brawl to start and Tazz suplexes Crash for the pin at 24 seconds. Viscera grabs Tazz for a posting and a World’s Strongest Slam gives him the title at 56 seconds.

A bunch of people brawl around the ring but another bunch go after Viscera. The Acolytes can’t put him down, though Hardcore can bust Crash open with a shot to the head. The weapons shots continue with no one getting any serious advantage until Hardcore hits Viscera with a cookie sheet for two. More violence ensues as we hit five minutes, though Viscera is starting to slow down.

Back in and Viscera hits various people with the cookie sheet….before going up top. The Acolytes slam him down and Faarooq breaks a 2×4 over his back. A top rope shoulder drops Viscera and the Acolytes put Kai En Tai on top so….Funaki can win the title with 7:37 to go. Taka immediately turns on Funaki, who sprints to the back in a smart move indeed. The Mean Street Posse catches him in the back and Rodney whips Funaki into a barricade to win the title with 6:51 to go.

Abs suplexes him for the title at 6:37 to go but gets sent into a door so Thrasher can pin him with 6:18 to go. Back in the arena and the bloody Pete Gas sprays Thrasher with a fire extinguisher for the title with 5:32 to go. They go back to ringside and Tazz suplexes Pete for the title with 4:44 to go. In the confusion, Tazz even rolls Thrasher up for one, with the referee counting out of insanity. The Hollys double team Tazz inside until he trashcan lids his way to freedom, including a shot to Crash’s head for two.

We have two minutes left as the Hollys fight over who gets to pin Tazz, as you might have seen coming. Hardcore’s dropkick gets two with a minute left but he gets suplexed out, leaving him alone in the ring. Crash comes back in for a cookie sheet shot for the title at 37 seconds left.

Tazz grabs the Tazmission but Hardcore busts a jar of candy over Tazz’s head for the pin and the title at 1 second left to win the thing at 15:00. That was a botched ending as the referee stopped counting at 2 because Hardcore came in too early and shouldn’t have gotten the pin. Also, allegedly, Tazz was supposed to get a run as Intercontinental Champion (possibly in the role that went to Chris Benoit) but the glass got in his eye and he was out of action for a few months as a result.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure what to say about this one, but the biggest problem is it goes on a bit too long. Cut this down to ten minutes and it’s better, as what they have loses its charm a bit near the end. The ending being botched didn’t help things either and there is no big moment that makes you chuckle. It’s not a disaster or anything, but it’s nothing memorable either.

We look at Axxess, which was still a new thing back then. Chris Jericho thinks everyone is here to him, and he might be right. It’s so weird seeing it still be what looks to be a smaller function, compared to the insanity that it is today. This goes on for a good while, likely to clean up the arena.

We look at the battle royal ending again, because it was that much of a mess.

Al Snow talks to someone in a bathroom stall because he has some idea. Steve Blackman comes in and tells him to be serious.

We cut to a closeup of Trish Stratus’ chest, just in case you thought the next match meant a thing.

Al Snow/Steve Blackman vs. T&A

Hold on though as Snow, who has dubbed his team Head Cheese, brings out……CHESTER MCCHEESETON, a man in a cheese suit, as a mascot. Blackman slides between Test’s legs to start as JR’s microphone has gone out, much to Lawler’s delight. Snow comes in and gets kicked in the face in the corner as Lawler isn’t even trying to do play by play (makes sense).

An enziguri takes Albert down so it’s back to Blackman, who gets shouldered down. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Test gets sent outside. That leaves Albert to get suplexed and Snow slowly hammers away as the match somehow grinds to more of a halt. Blackman’s middle rope headbutt gets two as Chester starts hitting on Trish. Lawler: “It’s like Chester the Molester.”

Albert knocks Blackman away and brings in Test to pick up the pace in a weird near hot tag from the heels. A powerbomb gets two on Snow because this needs to keep going, including the bowling shoe line from JR. Snow is back up with a backbreaker/guillotine legdrop combination for two on Test. Albert gorilla presses Test onto Blackman for two with Snow making the save. He gets knocked down, leaving Blackman to get press slammed again, setting up Test’s top rope elbow for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: F. Other than Trish, this is one of the most irredeemable matches I’ve seen in years. There was no heat, there was no good action and there was no reason to keep this going. I’m not sure what the thinking was going into this but it was a disaster in every sense of the word. This is up there with some of the worst Wrestlemania matches ever and the only reason it’s not higher is the stakes are so low.

Post match, Snow and Blackman beat up Chester because the loss was his fault. Somehow, this made things even worse, if that’s possible.

Kat is sans clothing in the back with Mae Young and we get an Austin Powers style gag with Mae holding up various objects at rather opportune times to cover various things.

The Dudley Boyz aren’t happy with being in a ladder match but they’re ready to walk out as champions. This is when Bubba still had the southern accent and it’s bizarre to see these days.

Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

The Dudleys are defending in the first ever triangle ladder match. There isn’t exactly a story here, because that would be missing the point in a match like this. Edge and Christian jump the Hardys before the bell and the fight is on with the champs still in the aisle. As usual, the three brawls break out at the same time and they wind up all around the arena. Bubba gives Jeff a Bubba Bomb and Christian throws in the first ladder.

Everyone winds up inside with ladders crushing the Dudleys in the corner. Edge gets laddered down as well and Jeff hits a DDT on Bubba. Jeff’s 450 hits ladder though, leaving Bubba to put the ladder on him and Bubba Bomb said ladder. Another ladder is put on top of Matt so Edge rides a ladder down, Shawn Michaels style, to crush him again. Back up and Bubba puts the ladder on his head for the Terry Funk helicopter spot until the Canadians dropkick him down.

The double flapjack puts D-Von into the ladder in the corner, followed by Christian climbing a ladder and diving down onto Bubba and Matt. Jeff climbs up so Edge spears him off the top rope in a big crash. Multiple ladders are set up in the middle and it’s Bubba cuttering Christian off for the next double knockdown. The Hardys are back up with the splash/legdrop combination to Bubba, followed by a superplex to bring D-Von off the ladder.

Edge and Christian and the Hardys climb but take each other back down and it’s a huge double crash. A third ladder is set up and all six climb, with the Hardys taking a crazy bump over the top to the floor, with Christian and Edge being shoved onto the ropes for a nice crash of their own. Back in and Christian gets crushed with the ladder, leaving Edge to take 3D (the old version, with Bubba getting a running start). Some tables are thrown in and the Dudleys bridge one up on top of a pair of ladders like a scaffold.

The Hardys make the save because that took a long time but the Dudleys are right back up too. Bubba sets up a table at ringside and climbs onto a table (JR: “Not the Spanish announce table!”) and powerbombs Matt through it. D-Von’s splash misses Jeff and only hits table so Jeff runs the barricade at Bubba, who throws a ladder at him for the nasty crash.

Just to make it worse, Bubba sets up the huge ladder in the aisle with a table for a bonus. Christian pops back up and saves Jeff with a bell shot though, leaving Bubba on the table. You know what that means, as Jeff goes up and hits the CRAZY Swanton to crush Bubba (who sells it like death). Back in and Matt goes up, only to get shoved off the platform and through the table, leaving Edge and Christian to win their first (of a freaking ton) Tag Team Titles at 22:31.

Rating: A. I could watch these every day, but egads they are some violent matches. They beat the heck out of each other and it’s some of the most exciting things you’ll see. One of them was once told that they weren’t supposed to be telling stories in these matches but they were managing to pull it off. That’s absolutely the case, as the series of matches that started here would just get better. It’s almost impossible to believe they would wind up being so amazing, but this was quite awesome in its own right, with the ending being a pretty cool visual. Check this out if you haven’t in awhile.

Linda McMahon tells Mick Foley to go get it tonight. Foley talks about how this is the biggest show of the year and it’s the biggest match ever, so it’s the biggest match of all time. Tonight, he’s proving that fairy tales come true for him. I’ve watched a lot of Foley over the years and you can hear it in his voice: this means the world to him.

The Kat vs. Terri

Mae Young and Moolah are the respective seconds, Val Venis is refereeing and you win by throwing the other woman to the floor. Val gets in his usual jokes about how this is the big show and only comes once a year, but…..yeah you get the joke here. The catfight is on in a hurry but Kat stops to kiss Val. A few hair tosses let Terri pose but Kat nails a spear. Mae gets on the apron and tries to take off her clothes, meaning Val misses Kat throwing Terri out. Moolah goes after Terri so Mae can kiss Val, allowing Moolah to pull Kat to the floor, giving Terri the win at 2:23. This was somehow worse than the usual women’s match of the day.

Post match Mae hits Moolah and gives her the Bronco Buster. Kat strips off Terri’s pants for a bonus.

The Radicalz are ready for their six man match but Eddie Guerrero is more worried about his hair. And Chyna.

Chyna is disgusted.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

The Radicalz (minus Benoit here) have only been around about two and a half months here. Eddie and Scotty circle each other to start until Eddie’s headlock makes Scotty lose his hat. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Eddie so Scotty dances over to Chyna, meaning Eddie needs to crawl to the corner in a hurry. As JR talks about Chyna looking great, it’s a double suplex to drop Dean, allowing Chyna and Grandmaster to dance a bit.

Grandmaster slams Malenko and makes that weird noise of his, followed by a belly to back suplex to Guerrero. Saturn breaks up the Hip Hop Drop though and it’s the Radicalz taking over for the first time. Just to make it personal, Saturn STEALS GRANDMASTER’S HEAD THING and stomps away even more. Grandmaster doesn’t like the hat stealing and gets over for the tag a few seconds later, only to have Scotty get dropped ribs first onto the top rope. Lawler: “Chyna starting to feel the heat. She’s starting to perspire and get moist!”

Eddie gyrates at her a bit before sending her into the turnbuckle, earning himself a Grandmaster suplex to the floor. Everything breaks down and it’s a double Worm (JR: “Not the double Worm! Well it is Wrestlemania!”) to Saturn and Malenko. The referee grabs Chyna to keep her from killing Eddie and Saturn superkicks Scotty.

The always great looking top rope elbow mostly misses so Scotty can superplex Eddie down. Chyna comes in off the hot tag and cleans house, including a double low blow to Saturn and Malenko. Eddie tries to powerbomb Chyna but she slips out into one of her own (with almost no elevation), setting up the gorilla press for the big spot. A sleeper drop finishes Guerrero at 9:39.

Rating: B-. The wrestling wasn’t anything great but they did an awesome job of firing up the crowd. The people wanted to see what they were doing here and it was a lot of fun as a result. They pulled me into this and I was having a good time with the whole thing. Chyna wasn’t what she used to be but the stuff with Eddie was awesome and would get better the next night when they got together.

Some fans won a contest and were flown to Wrestlemania on the day of the show.

Shane McMahon is ready for Big Show to win the WWF Title.

We see Kurt Angle laying out Bob Backlund for getting him in a two fall triple threat match. Angle didn’t need him anymore and never really did in the first place so good job on splitting them up.

Kurt Angle tries to get extra security after he retains his titles tonight. He’s willing to sign autographs for the guard’s kids! Maybe. Goofy, delusional Kurt is one of my all time favorites and always has been.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending and this is a two fall match, with the Intercontinental Title on the line first and the European Title second. Jericho can’t guarantee walking out as a champion but he’ll walk out as the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah. As for Kirk Angel and Mr. Roboto, they can have a shirt remind them of their trip to Anaheim and a Y2J beating. Jericho was still finding his footing with the signature promos in the WWF but they would get way better in a hurry.

They start fast with Benoit getting the better of it until Jericho triangle dropkicks the two of them to the floor. Jericho goes up but gets shoved down onto the announcers’ table, leaving Benoit to suplex Angle for two. Back in and Jericho dropkicks Angle down for two more but has to break up Angle’s cover on Benoit for the same. Angle suplexes Jericho for another two and a dropkick puts Benoit on the floor. The crossface chickenwing has Jericho in trouble but Benoit makes the save. A Swan Dive finishes Jericho for the first fall and the Intercontinental Title at 7:54.

Benoit gets smart by going for the cover on Jericho again but Angle comes in with a suplex for his own two. Jericho catches Angle on top but Benoit belly to back superplexes Jericho, leaving Angle to miss the moonsault. Everyone is down until Benoit has to save Angle from the Walls. The spinwheel kick puts Benoit on the floor and it’s the double powerbomb to Angle. Benoit is right back in with the rolling German suplexes for two on Jericho as Angle makes another save.

There’s a dragon suplex for two on Angle, with the most ridiculous count I’ve seen in a long time as Angle’s shoulder is on top of Benoit’s. The ref gets bumped (maybe it can fix his eyes), meaning Benoit making Jericho tap to the Crossface doesn’t mean anything. A belt shot drops Jericho as the referee is back up, just as Benoit misses the Swan Dive. Jericho gets back in and Lionsaults Benoit for the European Title at 13:47.

Rating: B. This is always a weird one as it’s some pretty intricate booking (with Angle being very protected in losing both titles) but it didn’t feel urgent for a lot of the match. They were just going from move to move a lot of the time, but it’s still one of the best things on the show. It’s not like these three could ever do badly, so the match was entertaining and almost non-stop action, so it’s a lot more good than bad.

Vince McMahon promises to be a factor and guarantees to make it right.

HHH doesn’t care about what Vince says because tonight he’s going to show everyone who the man is.

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Kane/Rikishi

X-Pac and Dogg have Tori with them, along with the awesome Run-DMC theme. Kane on the other hand has Paul Bearer and the always cool inverted red and black attire. Tori slaps Bearer to start so Kane grabs her by the throat as Rikishi gives Road Dogg the Stinkface. X-Pac and Dogg fail to run away and we settle down to X-Pac kicking hitting the Bronco Buster on Rikishi.

Dogg’s dancing punches set up the shaky knee for two but Rikishi grabs a pop up cutter (that’s an awesome move and someone should use it as a finisher). It’s back to Kane and the pain begins in a hurry. X-Pac gets away from the threat of a Stinkface so Tori takes it instead, giving the fans what they had been waiting on. The Tombstone finishes X-Pac at 4:16.

Rating: D. The match was just a means to an end here as you needed a way to get to Tori taking the Stinkface and X-Pac getting dropped on his head. That’s fine from a storyline perspective, though I’m not sure I would have had it second from the top of Wrestlemania. Not a good match, but what were you expecting given this lineup?

Post match Too Cools out, meaning it’s time to dance. Hold on though as the San Diego Chicken, as in the disguise that Pete Rose wore last year, is here as well. Dancing ensues and the Chicken is far too good of a dancer to be Pete Rose. Kane grabs the chicken (there has to be a joke there somehow) but Rose runs in with the baseball bat. Rikishi takes that away so Kane chokeslams Rose, setting up the Stinkface to end the Rose saga for a good many years.

Rock is ready for the final battle and of course he would do it all over again. This is Wrestlemania and it’s not about the McMahons (oh please) because it’s all about the WWF Championship and tonight is the night.

Some celebrities are here.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Mick Foley vs. Big Show vs. HHH

HHH is defending, elimination rules, and there’s a McMahon in every corner, with Vince, Linda, Shane and Stephanie here respectively. They might as well have just had the McMahons working the match as they’re the only things that matter here. JR: “Not Mankind, not Dude Love, not Mankind, but Mick Foley is in the main event of Wrestlemania!” That made me smile so much. Foley and HHH pair off as Rock punches Show in the corner to start in a hurry. HHH gets hammered down to start up the running knee but Show runs them both over with a double clothesline.

Rock gets gorilla pressed and there’s one for HHH as well. Foley tries choking Show, who drops down hard onto him to cut that off in a hurry. There’s a side slam to Rock but Foley kicks Show low to break up a chokeslam to HHH. It’s time to triple team Show, including a series of clotheslines to finally knock him down. The Cactus Clothesline takes HHH to the floor, meaning Foley can beat on HHH with a chair. Shane gets knocked off the apron and a chair shot to Show lets the Rock Bottom get the first pin at 4:48.

Show and Shane both leave, meaning ringside is a little less crowded. HHH gets smart by offering a deal with Foley and that’s a big negative. Rock on the other hand says sure, before punching HHH in the face as you might have seen coming. They head outside with HHH getting double teamed even more as Stephanie tries to learn how to emote. Foley whips HHH into a Rock clothesline but a bell shot knocks Foley silly. HHH sends Rock into a few things, but the delay lets Foley find the barbed wire 2×4.

It winds up going into Foley’s ribs though, meaning Rock had to make a save from even more violence. A double arm DDT sets up the Mandible Claw and Rock adds a belt shot. That means the People’s Elbow, but Foley grabs the Claw on the Rock in a smart move. HHH low blows both of them (maybe not the brightest move) and everyone is down for a bit. Foley hammers Rock a bit and gets two off the DDT, with the fans being rather relieved by the kickout.

Rock kicks the chair into Foley’s face and a DDT gets two, with HHH making a rather illogical save. NOW Foley is willing to team up on Rock and the fans really aren’t sure what to think of this one. The running knee gets two on Rock and this time HHH doesn’t make a save. There’s a double suplex for two more and the ROCKY chants start up again.

A steps shot puts Rock down and Foley loads up the middle rope elbow, only to slam HARD ribs first into the side of the announcers’ table (it’s sad seeing that he just can’t do it here). HHH drives Foley through the table and Pedigrees Foley for two, with a big reaction from the crowd. A chair to the head sets up a Pedigree onto the chair to get rid of Foley (for good I’m sure) at 19:40.

Foley gets the hero’s sendoff…..but he’s not done yet. He comes back and hits HHH with the barbed wire 2×4 before leaving with a BANG BANG. Rock gets two and it’s time for the big slugout, followed by the clothesline to send HHH outside again. They fight up the aisle and Rock suplexes him on the stage. HHH is sent into the set and they fight through the crowd to get back to ringside. Rock grabs the steps but HHH chairs them into his face and then unloads on the steps with the chair for a bonus.

A hard piledriver onto the steps has JR demanding/begging that the match be stopped and gives HHH a rather delayed two back inside. The Pedigree attempt is countered into a backdrop over the top so they fight into the crowd again. After knocking Rock over the barricade, HHH knocks a fan’s hat off to be extra nasty. Rock gets in a shot of his own and they’re both down at ringside again. A suplex sends HHH through the announcers’ table and it’s another double knockdown.

HHH sends Rock inside so Vince posts HHH, drawing Shane back out to jump Vince (you knew this stuff was coming). A monitor shot to the head knocks Vince silly and gives us one of the funniest stunned expressions I’ve ever seen from Stephanie (look that one up if you get the chance). Vince fights up and beats on Shane, because the main event of Wrestlemania can be ignored for the sake of more drama between these two. A chair to the head drops Vince and Shane even threatens the massive Michael Clarke Duncan at ringside.

Cue Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco to get the busted open Vince out of here so we can go back to the actual match. Rock DDTs HHH for two but a shot to the face puts Rock right back down. The Pedigree is countered into a catapult to cut off an interfering Shane and the Rock Bottom connects. There’s no cover due to exhaustion so here’s Vince again (a full two minutes after he left) to go after Shane yet again. Vince grabs the chair….and of course turns on Rock with a shot to the head for two. Another chair shot from Vince retains the title at 36:26.

Rating: C-. It’s too much. There were so many instances here where I kept wondering how many more times we were going to have the McMahons get involved or have the guys fight into the crowd. Storyline wise, this would have been WAY better as a run of the mill singles match, but I can go with having Foley in there for the sentimental moment. Show….well they had an extra McMahon. At the end of the day though, it was all about the McMahons instead of Rock winning the title like he should have, with the family stuff being more of the same stuff we had seen for years. It’s not terrible, but cut out the nonsense and it’s better.

Post match Vince and Stephanie hug because all is well in part of the McMahon Family again. Shane comes in to look at Vince but gets Rock Bottomed. Vince gets one as well and Stephanie takes the third in a row, followed by the People’s Elbow.

A long highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure what they were going for here but it missed pretty badly. The problem here comes down to the fact that most of the matches just aren’t very good. TLC Beta and the triple threat are both great to rather good, but no one cared about the ladder match after TLC debuted five months later and the trio would have one great match against each other after another on higher levels. This doesn’t really feel like a Wrestlemania as there is way too much stuff that serves as little more than filler. It’s not the worst Wrestlemania ever, but it’s rather close to the bottom of the pile.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D+

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D+

2020 Redo: C-

T&A vs. Head Cheese

Original: F

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

2020 Redo: F

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo A-

2020 Redo: A

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

2020 Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

2020 Redo: B-

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B

2020 Redo: B

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C+

2020 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

2020 Redo: D+

Where did that six person tag one come from? And have I ever been that all over the place like I am on the Hardcore Battle Royal?

Not much changes in a few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/25/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xvi-the-worst-show-from-the-best-year/

And the 2015 Redo:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xiv-2015-redo-time-to-play-the-game/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 19,776
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

In addition to the four way title match, there are two other multi-man matches of note. First, Kurt Angle will be defending his Intercontinental and European Titles in back to back triple threat matches (considered one match with two falls) against Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. Other than that, the tag division is getting a big boost with the Hardy Boyz, the Dudley Boyz (also recent arrivals) and Edge and Christian in the first ever triangle ladder match for the Tag Team Titles. Let’s get to it.

One last note: this show marks the return to the 3+ hour shows after years of under three hours.

Lillian Garcia sings the heck out of the National Anthem, as she always does.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania for a few moments before jumping into the four way main event. They make sure to mention the McMahon in every corner and how it’s all about the four of them. This was a major problem with the match which we’ll get to later but it’s certainly true.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Godfather is now a full on pimp and Brown is his partner in good guy crime. Buchanan is an athletic big man and Boss Man’s protege who never went beyond the low midcard. Ice T raps Brown and Godfather to the ring with a song called Pimp or Die. Of note: one of the Godfather’s women clearly falls down as she reaches ringside with the camera catching her going down. Godfather gives his usual speech about pimping nationwide and tells us to light up our blunts and say pimpin ain’t easy. This was quite the different time as you might be able to tell.

Brown and Buchanan get things going with D’Lo kicking him in the face and Godfather clotheslining an invading Boss Man. Godfather, in his shiny silver top, comes in for the spinning legdrop. A hook kick puts Boss Man down for two before it’s back to Buchanan and Brown with Bull doing his awesome run up the corner into a spinning top rope clothesline. Unfortunately that’s about the extent of his good moves so it’s back to Boss Man for two off an uppercut.

Lawler continues to oogle the lady in red as Brown keeps taking his beating. A cross body goes badly for D’Lo and JR compares it to a fair catch in the XFL. JR: “Which won’t exist.” Godfather shakes the ropes to crotch Buchanan and Brown brings him down with a top rope hurricanrana. The hot tag brings in Godfather for some house cleaning and everything breaks down, allowing Boss Man to hit his namesake slam, followed by a guillotine legdrop (and a good one) from Buchanan for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: D. Buchanan’s stuff looked good but who thought it was a good idea to have the heels, especially these heels, win the opening match? The length didn’t help this either. Godfather was starting to outlive his usefulness as an opening act at this point, partially due to the Parents Television Council complaining about the adult nature of the character. This would lead to a major change of pace for Godfather, which we’ll get to later on.

HHH and Women’s Champion Stephanie are loving life in the back.

Earlier today, the referees held a conference with all the participants in the hardcore battle royal. The title had been defended 24/7 with title matches taking place at any given time and in any given place. For tonight though, the rule is only enforced for the fifteen minute time limit. After that time comes to an end, the last person to pin the champion leaves with the title.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash (Hardcore’s cousin) is defending coming in, meaning he has to be pinned or made to submit for the title to change hands in the first place. Tazz is still the Human Suplex Machine here a fierce guy despite his smaller stature. Funaki is Taka’s partner in Kai En Tai. It’s a big brawl to start with only Tazz and Crash staying in the ring. A suplex makes Tazz champion in 24 seconds, and yes these title reigns are all official. Viscera rams Tazz into the post and slams him down for the pin at 1:00.

The Mean Street Posse gets together for some weapon shots to Viscera to almost no avail. Crash is already busted open. The Acolytes beat Viscera up instead and everyone else beats on each other. Funaki hits Mosh with a box fan and Bradshaw cleans house with a cookie sheet. Some people finally start going after Viscera but he easily kicks out. We’re under ten minutes now and Pete Gas is bleeding too.

Viscera holds court in the ring with the cookie sheets but goes up top for no logical reason. The Acolytes destroy Kai En Tai with Taka taking a wicked powerbomb before going over to slam Viscera down. Some 2×4 shots to the back and a top rope shoulder from Bradshaw allows them to throw Kai En Tai on top, giving Funaki the pin at 7:51. Taka immediately goes after his partner but Funaki is suddenly the smartest man in the match as he runs away. The Posse catches up to him though and Rodney throws him against a wall for the pin and the title at 8:11 in his only televised pinfall.

Joey runs in with a gutwrench suplex for the pin and the title at 8:24. Thrasher clotheslines Joey for the title at 8:46. Thrasher tries to run away but gets attacked by a bunch of people with a weapon each. Somehow he survives though, only to get sprayed with a fire extinguisher by Pete Gas for the pin and the title at 9:29. That would be Pete’s second and final pin on TV.

With just under five minutes left, Tazz grabs a suplex for the pin at 10:17. Hardcore immediately sends him into the steps for two but Mosh decks Hardcore from behind. Probably out of instinct, Tazz covers Mosh for two. Tazz fights both Holly cousins inside as Bradshaw beats up the Posse out of pure principle. We have two minutes left and the cousins start trying to pin Tazz and Hardcore’s dropkick gets two. Crash hits Tazz in the head with a cookie sheet for the pin and the title at 14:20 but Tazz is right up with the Tazmission (his signature choke).

Hardcore comes back in with a candy jar to bust over Tazz’s head (and getting a piece of glass in his eye, though Tazz was fine.) and covers Crash but the ending is screwed up. Hardcore was supposed to have him beaten as the time expired but he came in early, meaning the referee has to stop the count for no good reason. Not that it matters as Hardcore is declared the new champion at 15:00 to end the match.

Rating: D+. Well that certainly happened. This really needed to have about five minutes cut out as you can only get into people hitting each other with the same weapons for so long (a lesson they would take two years to learn). The rapid fire title changes and stuff like the Posse trading the title was fine but this started dragging in the middle. Crash would get the title back the next night to fix the error at the end.

Long Axxess video.

Al Snow is in a bathroom and talking to someone we can’t see. His partner Steve Blackman comes in to say play it serious tonight. They comprise the team of Head Cheese because Snow has Head and…..well what else would you call them?

Head Cheese vs. T&A

T&A are Test and Albert (a big bald power guy) with the recently debuted Trish Stratus (when she was in even better shape than when she was in her peak years) as their manager. Snow brings out the man from the bathroom: the team’s new mascot Chester McCheeserton, a guy in a cheese costume. The audio starts crackling and JR’s microphone goes out for a bit (Lawler is very happy) as Blackman kicks Test in the face to start.

Snow comes in and gets double teamed until it’s off to Blackman to trade shoulders with Albert. Everything breaks down for a bit as the fans are just quiet here. You can see a lot of empty seats where people are getting popcorn during this match and I can’t blame them. Albert gets in trouble as the cheese goes after Trish who rightfully ignores him. Blackman’s middle rope headbutt gets two as Lawler calls the cheese Chester the Molester. A butterfly suplex finally gets Albert out of trouble and it’s off to Test for two off a side slam.

Albert comes back in for a big double powerbomb on Al as JR is using his code (“These styles are clashing” and “It’s bowling shoe ugly”) to say this match is horrible. Snow drops a middle rope leg on Test but Albert saves to keep this mess going. The Baldo Bomb (chokebomb) puts Snow on the floor and Albert gorilla presses Blackman, setting up Test’s top rope elbow for the pin at 7:03.

Rating: F. This match is in the running for the worst match in Wrestlemania history. The joke before the match was terrible, the match was AWFUL, the story was non-existent and the silence from the fans who stayed in the arena was eerie. Other than Trish, I saw nothing good about this and no redeeming value. It’s a total failure all around.

Post match Head Cheese beats up Chester in a really mean and out of character attack. The team didn’t go anywhere or last long in case you weren’t sure.

We get the comedy spot of the show with female wrestler the Kat sans clothing in her dressing room but her veteran manager Mae Young keeps putting various things in front of various parts of Kat. I’m sure you get the joke.

D-Von Dudley thinks this ladder match is another way for the WWF to hold the Dudleyz down. Bubba, still with a thick southern accent, promises to take Wrestlemania and the ladder match to a new level of violence. His stutter kicks in right before he can drop an F bomb.

Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

These three teams have been feuding with each other for months. Edge and Christian and the Hardyz had a great ladder match last year so why not add the Dudleyz (defending here) and make it a three way ladder match? Officially this is a triangle ladder match but it’s really just Tables, Ladders and Chairs (TLC) before the TLC match was named.

Everyone brawls to start and it’s going to be almost impossible to keep track of everything going on. Jeff takes Bubba out with the Whisper in the Wind but gets caught in the Bubba Bomb. Christian brings in the first ladder but Matt makes the save. All six get inside and a second ladder is loaded up.

Instead of climbing though, both challenging teams put a ladder over a Dudley in the corners, only to have the Hardyz take out Edge and Christian. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but Bubba avoids the 450 for the first big crash. Bubba one ups Jeff by putting the ladder onto Jeff and hitting his middle rope backsplash with his own head crashing into the ladder.

Christian puts a ladder on Matt so Edge can ride another ladder down to crush Matt. With everyone else down, Bubba puts a ladder around his own head and spins around to blast everyone not named D-Von in the face. Edge and Christian dropkick the ladder to take over though before nailing D-Von as well. Christian dives off a ladder to take out Matt and Bubba, leaving Edge to spear Jeff off a ladder.

Now it’s D-Von going up so Christian just throws a ladder at him for the save. A HUGE Bubba Cutter brings Christian down and now the fans are understanding what they’re in for with this one. The Hardys’ legdrop/splash combo from the ladders brings the people to their feet again as the match starts to slow down a bit due to all of the crashing.

A double superplex off the ladder brings D-Von down, leaving Edge and Christian and the Hardys to climb two ladders, only to knock each other off for some huge crashes. There’s not much else you can do here aside from just listing spots as it’s one big move after another. Now all six go up on three ladders with Jeff and Christian falling all the way down to the floor (with NOTHING to catch them). Bubba goes down as well and ever the spoiled sport, he shoves the other two ladders and all three other guys down against the ropes.

The Dudleyz are left alone so they pick up the ladders and crush Christian, who somehow can still walk. 3D takes Edge down (thankfully not onto a ladder) and now it’s table time. Why the Dudleyz need those isn’t clear but why let common sense get in the way of your gimmick. To crank things up though, the Dudleyz put a table on top of two ladders like a scaffold. Another pair of tables is set under the scaffold but D-Von’s headbutt misses Jeff and only hits table.

Bubba keeps his team’s fortunes up by powerbombing Matt off the announcers’ table and through another ladder at ringside. Jeff gets up and tries to run across the barricade as is his custom but Bubba pelts a ladder at him. There’s something to cringe worthy about someone flying through the air and crashing into a big piece of metal.

Now we start the tradition of the huge ladder, which is set up on the floor and is almost as high as the ones in the ring. Jeff is laid out in front of it but Christian hits Bubba in the head with the bell, allowing Jeff to go for a climb. With nothing to lose (save for most of the bones in his spine), Jeff Swantons off the ladder for one of the biggest crashes ever up to this point. The wide shot makes it look even better and the fans are rightfully stunned.

Back in the ring, Christian and Matt climb onto the scaffold but Edge shoves Matt off and through the last table in the ring. The table almost explodes as Matt crashes through it and the fans are fired up all over again as Edge and Christian pull down the titles for their first championship at 22:25.

Rating: A-. This was a different kind of match than these three teams would have later on as they were just going from spot to spot here without the flow that they would have. However, this is still an amazing spectacle that got the fans into things once they gave it a chance to get going. This was ALL about going higher and higher with each step, but they didn’t know how high they could go yet. Later the matches would be about seeing how high they could take it and the results would be pure carnage. Here it’s more about fitting stuff in but it’s still an awesome match.

Mick Foley (not Mankind or Cactus Jack) is with Linda and says that this is the biggest match on the biggest show of the year so it’s the biggest match of his life. Fairy tales can come true and it could happen to HHH, Rock and Big Show, BUT IT WON’T because it’s happening to him.

JR and Lawler rave about the ladder match.

Terri Runnels vs. The Kat

This is billed as a catfight and is more about the managers (Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young respectfully) than the wrestlers. Val Venis is the referee (sporting a referee towel instead of shirt) and you win by throwing your opponent to the floor, making it a two man battle royal. They’re not even trying to hide the fact that this is just a cool down match after the previous war. These two don’t really have a reason for fighting other than being catty with each other.

Before the match, Venis does one of his signature innuendo laden promo, talking about how he and Wrestlemania are both extravaganzas that get your blood pumping, but Wrestlemania only comes once a year. Both women are in see thru bodysuits with bikinis underneath. Kat’s is made of fishnet, thereby making her Lawler’s favorite.

They brawl to start until Val breaks it up, only to have both of them kiss him. Kat spears her down but Mae gets on the apron to try to flash Val. Terri is thrown to the floor but the referee doesn’t see it, meaning it’s time for Mae to kiss Val as well. Both girls actually in the match fall outside but Moolah throws Terri back inside for the win at 2:26. Total mess of course, but at least they didn’t try to hide what they were doing here.

Mae gives Moolah a Bronco Buster post match and Kat strips Terri.

Wrestlemania XVII will be in Houston.

The Radicalz (minus Chris Benoit) are ready for the six person tag but Eddie is too busy checking his hair to impress Chyna.

Too Cool (Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty, formerly Too Much) and Chyna are ready too.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

It’s Guerrero/Malenko/Saturn here. Eddie has been hitting on Chyna lately so she got some help and it’s time for a tag match. Too Cool has gone from jokes to a nice surprise as a midcard act due to getting over and the company giving them a chance. That is almost blasphemy today. Chyna has her fireworks bazooka which was actually pretty cool.

Eddie and Scotty get things going as the fans are all over Guerrero, likely due to him knocking off Scotty’s hat. It’s quickly off to Chyna, sending Eddie crawling over on his knees to grab Malenko’s legs. JR says Chyna looks hot, which is very outside of his standard character. A double suplex puts Dean down and it’s time for Chyna to dance. Now it’s Grandmaster suplexing Eddie down but Saturn breaks up the Hip Hop Drop (top rope legdrop).

Saturn goes even more evil by stealing Grandmaster’s bandana, which just makes Grandmaster look stupid. Scotty comes in and is quickly hot shotted to keep the Radicalz in control. The fans only care about Eddie and Chyna here and Guerrero soaks it all up like the master he was. Grandmaster’s interference only works for a bit and Scotty busts out a double Worm, followed by Saturn kicking him in the face.

Saturn (barely) hits a top rope elbow but Eddie gets superplexed, finally allowing the hot tag to Chyna. House is quickly cleaned and a double low blow gets rid of Saturn and Malenko. Chyna is barely able to powerbomb Eddie so she grabs him between the legs and gorilla presses him while trying to keep the side of her tights from splitting any further. A quick sleeper drop puts Eddie away at 9:39.

Rating: C-. Watchable but mostly average match with the fans only caring about Eddie vs. Chyna, which was quite the hot story around this time. Things would pick up even more the next night as Chyna suddenly fell for the Latino Heat and hooked up with Eddie for months. This was an acceptable use of ten minutes, if nothing else as a way to advance the Eddie vs. Chyna story.

Some fans won a trip to Wrestlemania.

Shane and Big Show say they’ll win and that it’s Game Over.

Earlier tonight, Kurt Angle beat up Bob Backlund for suggesting that he defend both titles. This goes nowhere.

Angle asks for some extra security for his victory celebration and offers the guard autographs if he does it. Smug Angle was pure gold and one of the most genuinely hilarious characters the company has ever had. He was such a goofy dork but he sold the whole thing as well as anyone could have done. The in ring abilities made it even better but the character made Angle greater than anything he did in a match.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

This is a two fall match with Angle defending the Intercontinental Title first and the European Title second. The three of them have been feuding for months with Angle taking the Intercontinental Title from Jericho last month at No Way Out 2000. Before the match, Jericho says he can’t guarantee that he’ll walk out a champion but he can guarantee that Benoit and Angle will have bumps and bruises from a Y2J beating that they will never EVER forget again. So they’ll forget it at least once?

Angle gets chopped down to start as Lawler calls Backlund an idiot for setting this up. Jericho’s springboard dropkick is broken up by Benoit so Jericho dropkicks them both outside at the same time. Angle gets in his first offense with a flapjack to send Jericho into the steps. Back in and Benoit trades suplexes with Angle as Lawler channels Bobby Heenan by praising Angle for everything.

Jericho goes up again and Benoit shoves him down again, making me think that Jericho needs to adjust his strategy. He tries ANOTHER dropkick from the ropes, this time getting two on Angle as Benoit makes the save. A camel clutch on Benoit doesn’t get Jericho anywhere so he goes back to Angle, only to get caught in the crossface chickenwing. Jericho starts to fade but Benoit comes back in and throws Angle to the floor. A quick Swan Dive is good for the pin on Jericho, giving Benoit the Intercontinental Title at 7:56.

Angle is all ticked off and starts erupting with suplexes to Benoit, only to have Jericho break up the moonsault. Benoit belly to back superplexes Jericho down and rolls away from a great looking moonsault to leave all three guys down. Back up and it’s Jericho taking over with a forearm and spinwheel kick, followed by the double powerbomb (one powerbomb after another without breaking his grip) to Angle.

Benoit is right back in with the rolling Germans for two on Jericho. Angle takes a German of his own and the referee counts even though Kurt’s shoulder is WAY off the mat. What a patriot. Benoit makes Jericho tap to the Crossface but the ref got bumped. Serves him right for trying to cheat an American hero. Just like everyone else, Benoit lets go of the hold instead of doing as much damage to Jericho as possible. Angle avoids another Swan Dive but Jericho is right back up with a Lionsault for the pin on Benoit and the European Title at 13:48 total.

Rating: B. This is quite the concept and there’s no way any combination of these three can go wrong. It’s also a very efficient way to get both titles off Angle without having him, the hottest prospect of them all, get pinned or have to tap out. Also well done on not having the standard triple threat formula and just letting everyone fight at the same time with the guys being down for logical reasons instead of the script calling for it. Good match, good idea, very good execution. What more can you ask for?

Vince says that Rock is very confident that Rock will win tonight. Rock however isn’t there with him. Vince guarantees to make it right tonight. You can see the swerve coming from here.

HHH promises Stephanie that he won’t allow himself to be beaten tonight.

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Rikishi/Kane

Rikishi is finally in his most famous gimmick and near his highest popularity. Kane has the always awesome inverted color scheme for his attire and Paul Bearer in his corner. X-Pac and Road Dogg, the once again heel DX, have Tori (now a hot valet) with them. Tori left Kane for X-Pac and this is the result with the many showdowns coming later. Kane goes after Tori to start and Road Dogg gets an early Stink Face.

Tori has to be saved from the same fate and DX’s attempt to leave fails. We settle down and X-Pac gets in a Bronco Buster on Rikishi before it’s off to Road Dogg for the dancing punches. Rikishi shrugs them off and brings in Kane for the big monster offense, but Kane goes after Tori instead. The Stink Face works this time and Kane Tombstones X-Pac for the pin at 4:14.

Rating: D. The match was bad but there’s another reason this is happening which we’ll get to in a few seconds. Rikishi was helping fight DX so he fit in here, but this was little more than filler. Kane’s attire and Tori as a good blonde there to look good and make you hate X-Pac even more worked fine.

Post match Too Cool and the San Diego Chicken come out to dance. Kane doesn’t buy it but the Chicken dances a lot better than you would expect from Rose. After they’re done, Kane goes after the Chicken but Pete Rose runs in with the ball bat, only to get chokeslammed, followed by a Stink Face to end this saga once and for all. Well until Rose showed up on Raw about ten years later. Rose certainly did whatever he needed to do and turned this one idea into an awesome three year running joke.

Rock talks about going through everything in the last year to get back to Wrestlemania to reclaim his title. All the chokeslams, all the Mandible Claws and all the Pedigrees are worth it because he has one more shot to become champion. This is the intense Rock and it works almost as well as the funny version. He skips the eyebrow though.

Martin Short, Michael Clarke Duncan and French Stewart are here.

Again no official recap, but HHH retired Foley, Rock won the Rumble and Show proved that he really won the Rumble.

WWF World Title: Mick Foley vs. Big Show vs. The Rock vs. HHH

Elimination rules and No DQ. HHH is defending and we’ve got a rare occurrence of all four McMahons in one place. Rock and Vince come out together here for their first appearance together tonight. Show and Rock pair off while Foley pounds the champ down in the corner with some fast punches. With Rock down in the corner, Show runs the other two over with a double clothesline. Show can’t pick which guy to beat up so Foley jumps on his back, giving us a repeat of last year’s spot with Show falling backwards to crush Foley’s ribs.

Mick is right back up to break up a chokeslam to HHH (why would he do that?) and it’s a triple team on Big Show. Three straight clotheslines put the giant down but HHH just can’t work with Foley that long and a fight breaks out again. Show kicks Rock in the face but Foley hits Show in the back with a chair, knocking him into the Rock Bottom for the pin to get rid of the giant at 4:50. What a worthless addition Show was.

The three remaining guys all stare at each other and it’s HHH trying to strike a deal with both of them. Rock actually goes for it before nailing HHH from behind and the double teaming is on. They all head outside where Rock accidentally hits Foley with the bell, making Lawler even happier than in the women’s match earlier. Rock isn’t as strong as you would think though as Foley is up just a few seconds later….and he has a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. HHH low blows him to take it away though and hits Foley in the ribs but AGAIN Foley doesn’t seem in that much trouble.

This time it’s the Mandible Claw on HHH, who turns into a belt shot from Rock. The People’s Elbow is broken up by a Mandible Claw to Rock but the champ low blows them both to put all three down. Foley’s double arm DDT gets two on Rock and Rock’s single arm version gets the same with HHH making the save for some reason. Mick and HHH actually work together on Rock with Foley’s knee lift getting two (No save from HHH, making Rock look more like a threat than Foley, who HHH believes he can beat. That’s a nice touch.).

The double teaming continues on the floor but Rock whips Mick knees first into the steps. Foley pops up for the third time though and nails Rock with the steps. HHH loads up the Spanish announcers’ table and has Foley go to the middle rope for the elbow….which is left about three feet short, sending him ribs first into the table in a very sad sight. HHH has to drop about three elbows to put Rock through the table before taking Foley inside for the Pedigree……for two? JR: “HE DID IT!” A BIG chair to the head sets up the second Pedigree (with Foley collapsing) for the pin at 19:40, sending Foley into retirement for four years.

Foley takes one last bow but comes back to the ring for one good barbed wire 2×4 shot to HHH’s head (busting him open) to go out on. Somehow that’s only good for two for Rock so let’s go outside again. Rock beats him up in front of the Titantron and takes it back to ringside. HHH swings a chair to knock the steps into Rock’s face, followed by a piledriver onto the steps. This is the main event of Wrestlemania though so it’s finishers or rollups only, meaning Rock kicks out at two again.

The Pedigree is broken up and they go into the crowd for more time killing brawling. Back to ringside again with Rock suplexing the champ through the announcers’ table and it’s time for more waiting. HHH is up first but Vince sends him into the post, only to have Shane (why is he still here?) hit his dad from behind. Well you knew this was coming. A big monitor shot to the head knocks Vince silly but he’s up after a ridiculous TWENTY THREE SECONDS. Vince just got hit in the head with a monitor and he’s up and going after Shane in less than thirty seconds. Who is this match supposed to showcase again?

Shane opts for a chair shot to the head and this time Vince stays down, even shedding some blood. We FINALLY go back to the match with Rock DDTing HHH, drawing Stephanie’s ridiculous looking bug eyes. The barbed wire board to Rock’s head stuns him but he’s still able to catapult HHH into Shane. HHH walks into the Rock Bottom but here’s Vince to punch Shane….and then hit Rock with a chair because SWERVE! Rock kicks out at two so Vince hits him in the head with the chair again, giving HHH the pin to retain at 36:31. That’s the first time a heel has left Wrestlemania as champion.

Rating: C+. Oh man this is a rough one. Above all else, the McMahons. They started off as background noise but by the end they were the only things that mattered here as it turned into yet another Vince/Shane/Stephanie drama, which had been the big story for the last year in one form or another. They pretty much gave away the Vince turn earlier and that doesn’t help an already bad idea.

That leaves us with the match itself, which really isn’t very good. The problem here is that they clearly spend so much time laying around and filling in time because the match goes longer than it should. Now that being said, it’s still Rock vs. HHH for eighteen minutes after Rock vs. HHH vs. Foley for about fifteen minutes so the action is at least watchable. The problem is there’s not enough action or excitement.

There were barely any near falls or moments of drama once it got down to one on one. You have the cover after Foley left (not happening), the piledriver on the steps (maybe) and the first chair shot from Vince (good near fall). You really need more than that in a long match, especially with all this other drama that really adds nothing on the outside. What you have instead is a lot of brawling, a lot of selling (fine, but not when it’s selling on the floor with no drama) and a lot of being on the floor or in the crowd. The action was good but it was bogged down by too much other stuff.

So how do you fix it? You have Rock vs. HHH instead of the four way. I understand the idea here but it’s not the kind of match to end Wrestlemania. If you want to do the four way, do it at Backlash where the pressure is gone and go with the big title win here. Foley not being around would have been a loss, but the match would have been better overall, unless you don’t have Rock in the main event here, which would mean changing the booking months before Wrestlemania. The four way was unique but it really didn’t work in this spot, at least not like it needed to do.

Vince and Stephanie reunite but Vince yells at Shane. Rock comes back in to lay out all three of them with Rock Bottoms and a People’s Elbow to Stephanie (to be fair, she slapped him after he beat up Vince and Shane). Rock poses a lot to take us to the highlight package.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s the biggest show of the year in the best year they ever had and I think they just collapsed under the weight. You had two really good matches to carry the show but the main event is more like a disappointing experiment. The rest ranges from bad to wasting time with some bizarre choices like the Head Cheese mess.

The strangest part here is what this led to, as Backlash later in the month would be the show of the year with all the fallout from Wrestlemania, including Rock beating HHH to win the World Title. There are FAR worse Wrestlemanias but this was really more like a commercial for the next few months. Check out the triple threat and the ladder match but just get to the next year’s show otherwise.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D+

T&A vs. Head Cheese

Original: F

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo A-

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

Not much changes in a few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/25/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xvi-the-worst-show-from-the-best-year/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,034
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is also called Wrestlemania 2000 but the purist in me won’t let that happen. This is a step up over last year’s one match show as this year we have a two match show. The main event is a fatal fourway elimination match between HHH, the Rock, Big Show and the one night only returning Mick Foley. The other match is Angle vs. Benoit vs. Jericho in a two fall double title match. You might notice a few multi-man matches there and you’re going to notice a lot of them tonight. There isn’t a single one on one match on the entire card tonight, which might be the only time ever in company history. Let’s get to it.

Lillian Garcia sings the national anthem. I’ve heard her do this live and my goodness can she sing the heck out of that song.

We open with a recap of the previous 15 Wrestlemanias which sounds like it’s narrated by a James Earl Jones impersonator.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Ice-T raps Godfather and Brown to the ring. Apparently it’s pimp or die, which I think might be taking it a bit too far. Buchanan and Brown get things going to prevent us from having a future RTC matchup. D’Lo tries a quick O’Connor Roll but only gets two. Boss Man tries to come in but gets run over by Godfather. Off to Godfather for a clothesline and the spinning legdrop but an elbow misses.

Godfather gets beaten on for a bit but comes back with a hook kick for two. Back to Brown who is almost immediately caught by Buchanan for even more pain. D’Lo pounds on Buchanan in the corner as this is going nowhere so far. Of all people, Bull gets things moving a bit better by climbing the corner for a spinning clothesline. Bull puts him in 619 position and both heels slide under the ropes for a double uppercut.

A clothesline gets two more for Bull and everything breaks down for a few seconds. That goes nowhere so we go back to Buchanan pounding on Brown in the corner. Now we keep the excitement going with a bearhug. Boss Man comes in for some double teaming and does his best to get the fans to care at all.

Brown’s cross body is caught in a backbreaker for two from both guys but as Buchanan goes up, Godfather crotches him down. Brown comes back with a nice top rope rana to put Buchanan down on the mat, allowing for the hot tag to Godfather. House is cleaned and there’s the Ho Train to Boss Man. Bull breaks up the Low Down though, allowing the Boss Man Slam to set up a guillotine legdrop on D’Lo for the pin.

Rating: D+. Who in the world thought this was the right idea for an opening match? They were WAY off base with each other here and the match suffered a lot as a result. This didn’t work on almost any level and on top of all that, the popular team loses. The whole point of an opening is to fire up a crowd, so having one of the most over acts in the company lose was a dumb way to start things off. Just a bad match all around.

HHH and Stephanie talk about how awesome their titles are. She’s Women’s Champion if that wasn’t really clear.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kai En Tai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

We look at Axxess over the weekend. Interestingly enough Undertaker is there in the biker attire.

Al Snow talks to someone in a bathroom stall when Steve Blackman comes in and says don’t do something stupid. This is during the Head Cheese (Snow and Blackman) attempt at finding Blackman a personality.

Trish is ready in the back.

Head Cheese vs. T&A

Snow brings out Chester McCheeserton, which is a guy in a cheese suit. Snow: “This is better than Shawn on a zipline.” That would be Test and Albert (Tensai) with the brand new Trish Stratus as their manager. Test and Blackman start as JR’s mic goes out. Test gets kicked down quickly but it’s off to Albert who hits a quick splash in the corner for two. Snow comes in for a few seconds but it’s quickly back to Steve for a running shoulder which takes Albert down.

Snow comes in again sans tag with a slingshot legdrop to the back of Albert’s head. Blackman breaks up a gorilla press attempt from Albert to give Snow two. Head Cheese double teams Albert as the fans are dying faster and faster by the minute here. Chester annoys Trish as Blackman drops a knee on Albert’s crotch. Off to Snow who gets caught in a suplex, allowing for the ice cold tag to Test.

T&A his a double powerbomb on Snow as JR calls it bowling shoe ugly. Snow hits an Asai Moonsault on Test before the modified Trash Compactor (backbreaker by Blackman/guillotine legdrop from Snow) for two on Test. The match breaks down even more as Albert hits a gorilla press on Blackman before a top rope elbow by Test gets the pin.

Rating: D-. Anything with Trish in an outfit that small can’t be a failure, but at the same time this match absolutely sucked. There was NOTHING good going on here and they weren’t just on different pages, but rather in different libraries. This was absolutely horrible and one of the worst Mania matches ever.

Post match Head Cheese beats up Chester. You know, because they’re good guys!

We get a “comedy” bit based off Austin Powers with Kat being sans clothing and Mae Young accidentally covering up the good parts.

The Dudleys say they’re afraid of heights but they’re ready for the triangle ladder match. This is when Bubba still had a stutter.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz are defending and this is a triangle ladder match rather than a TLC match. That would come in September. This is when Edge and Christian still came through the crowd and somehow hadn’t won the tag titles yet. As the Dudleys pose in the aisle on a ladder during their entrance, the Canadians jump the only actual brothers in the match. This is going to be one of those matches that is almost impossible to keep track of. Bubba chops away at Jeff in the ring but gets caught by Whisper in the Wind. A Bubba Bomb puts Jeff right back down and they all head to the floor.

Christian sets up a ladder in the ring but Matt makes a save. Everyone gets back inside and there’s a second ladder. Matt throws one into the corner at Bubba for a sick thud right before D-Von is slammed onto a ladder and hit by a middle rope elbow. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but misses a 450, giving us a SICK looking crash. Bubba puts the ladder on top of Jeff and actually hits the middle rope backsplash to crush both of them. Edge rides a ladder out of the corner to crush another ladder onto Matt.

D-Von takes Edge down and all six guys are on the mat or floor now. Bubba is up first and we get the put the ladder around your own neck and spin around in a circle move. Edge and Christian finally dropkick the ladder into Bubba to put him down and there’s a double flapjack into the ladder in the corner on D-Von. Christian climbs a ladder and dives onto Matt and Bubba on the floor. This is all happening with almost no breaks in between. Jeff climbs the ladder in the ring but Edge jumps off the top with a spear. That would be topped by about 1000 next year.

Matt hits a crucifix bomb on Edge before trying to climb, only to be slammed down by D-Von. D-Von goes up, only to have Christian throw the ladder at him to bring him down. There are now three ladders set up in the middle of the ring and it’s Bubba with a Cutter to Christian off two of them. Awesome looking move there. With Bubba down, the Hardys hit a splash/legdrop combination off the top of the ladders. D-Von tries to climb but the Canadians suplex him off the ladder.

Everyone but the Dudleyz climb up but they all come flying down due to a facebuster and a Russian legsweep in another spot that would be topped next year. The Dudleys are back in now and the fans want tables. Now all six guys climb three ladders and as you can guess, they all go flying down. Christian and Jeff get the worst of it, crashing out to the floor. Bubba lands on his feet and shoves the other two ladders over, leaving him alone in the ring. D-Von is back up too but here’s Christian back to his feet, only to get crushed between two ladders.

Edge comes back in and gets caught in the original 3D, with Bubba running for the cutter instead of just standing there. Bubba loads up a table as is his custom and D-Von gets one of his own. There are two ladders set up in the ring and the Dudleys are all alone, but instead of climbing they make a scaffold out of a table between the tops of the ladders. The Hardys get back up to make the save but are easily dispatched. Again the Dudleys screw up though by setting up another table under the scaffold and a third on the floor.

Bubba powerbombs Matt through the one on the floor but D-Von misses a splash through Jeff on one of the tables back in the ring. Jeff tries to run the rail but Bubba pelts him in the face with a ladder. Bubba loads up the super ladder in the aisle before setting up a table in front of it. I can smell wrestling law #1 from here. Jeff comes back and takes Bubba out before putting him on the ladder. In the famous spot from this match, Jeff climbs to the top of the super ladder and hits the Swanton through Bubba through the table to put both of them out.

Back in the ring D-Von suplexes Christian down and goes for a climb but here’s Matt to break it up. The Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and now it’s Matt and Christian climbing the ladders. They both wind up on the scaffolding that was set up earlier but here’s Edge from behind. The brothers throw Matt through the table, allowing Edge and Christian to pull down the belts for their first titles.

Rating: A-. There are two problems with this match. First of all, the match the next year blows it away. Second, and far worse, the last ten minutes were spent setting up spots instead of actually going for the belts. Take the big spot of the match for example. Why in the world would Bubba do that instead of for the sake of doing that spot later? Same with all the other tables set up. There was no logic to doing that, but they did the spots anyway. Still though, excellently fun match.

Mick Foley and Linda McMahon say the main event tonight is the biggest match of all time and thanks to Linda, Mick gets to be in the main event at Wrestlemania. He says fairy tales can come true, one will come true for him.

Terri Runnels vs. The Kat

It’s a Catfight, meaning you have to put your opponent on the floor to win. Val Venis is referee and Moolah and Mae are in the respective corners. The referee compares a certain part of himself to Wrestlemania in a promo that would get him chased off by a pitchfork carrying mob in today’s world. Venis is in a referee’s towel too. Early on he picks up Terri and gets kissed in a spot that would have made the Montreal Screwjob completely different.

Kat hits a lame spear but Val has to stop Mae from flashing everyone. Terri is sent to the floor but there’s no referee. The old chicks get in the ring and Mae kisses Val. Kat throws Terri to the floor but Moolah pulls Kat to the outside. Terri is the only one in as Val escapes Mae, giving Terri the win. Total mess but it was a bridge between the big match and the rest of the show.

Terri is stripped post match.

The Radicalz are ready for the six man tag but Eddie is more interested in melting Chyna with the Latino Heat.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

This would be Saturn/Malenko/Guerrero. They’re brand new at this point and Dean is already Light Heavyweight Champion. Too Cool was their first feud and it was a big enough deal that Too Cool rode it to a tag title reign in a few months. Eddie and Scotty start things off and Scott has his hat knocked off almost immediately. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Eddie down and it’s off to Chyna, sending Guerrero running off to Dean.

Malenko loads up a fast powerbomb but Scotty clotheslines him down to break it up. Chyna and the Grandmaster suplex Malenko down and it’s time to dance. Back to Eddie to face Grandmaster with Sexay hitting a quick suplex. Saturn breaks up the top rope legdrop though and the Radicalz take over. Perry comes in legally now and steals Grandmaster’s dew rag, somehow making him look even more ridiculous.

Eddie comes back in and allows Grandmaster to make a tag to Scotty. That goes badly for the non Radicalzas Scotty charges into a hot shot followed by the slingshot hilo for no cover. Grandmaster comes back in sans tag and throws Eddie to the floor as things fall apart. Scotty loads up a double Worm on Saturn and Malenko but an Eddie distraction lets them get back up. There’s no one in the ring at the moment until we get back to Scotty vs. Eddie. Perry comes back in and superkicks Hotty down.

A top rope elbow hits Scotty but again there’s no cover. Instead it’s back to Guerrero who goes up but takes too long, allowing Scotty to crotch him. A superplex puts both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Chyna. She cleans house with handspring elbows and a double low blow to Saturn and Malenko. Eddie decks her though, breaking part of her outfit in the process. Chyna escapes a powerbomb into one of her own, grabs Eddie’s crotch and slams him down before finishing him with a sleeper drop.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work for me for the most part but the main story of Chyna vs. Eddie was advanced which is the right idea. This would wind up meaning nothing (in a way) though as Chyna would fall victim to the Latino Heat the next day, starting a summer long relationship between the two. I guess that crotch grab changed her mind.

The redneckiest rednecks of all time won a contest to go to Wrestlemania.

Big Show and Shane say Show will win.

We get a clip from earlier of Angle beating up his mentor Bob Backlund after finding out that Backlund came up with the idea of Kurt defending both titles.

Angle asks a security guard for extra security for the post match celebration.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

This is an interesting idea. Angle holds both titles coming in and there are going to be two falls here. The first is for the Intercontinental Title and the second is for the European Title, so basically we’re getting back to back triple threats. Jericho guarantees to walk out of this match as the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah while the other two will walk out with a shirt that complains about how lousy the shirt is as well as how bad the beating from Jericho was.

Benoit jumps Angle before the bell before heading inside for a clothesline from his fellow Canadian. All three are in now and Benoit chops Jericho, only to have his belly to back suplex escaped. Benoit breaks up a springboard dropkick by Jericho before fighting with Angle on the apron. Jericho hits the previously broken up dropkick to send both guys out to the floor. He joins them immediately, only to be sent into the steps by Kurt. Back in and a belly to belly suplex gets two for Angle on Jericho.

Jericho hits a backbreaker on Angle but Benoit shoves Jericho off the top and into the announce table for good measure. Benoit covers Angle for two before suplexing him down for the same. Jericho is back in for a dropkick to his fellow Canadian but Benoit comes right back with a clothesline for two more. Jericho bulldogs Angle down but Benoit comes back with chops of his own on the other Chris. Angle suplexes Benoit down but Jericho makes the save. Very back and forth action so far.

Jericho camel clutches Benoit but has to break it up to stop a charging Kurt. Angle hits a big suplex on Jericho for two as Benoit makes another save. Benoit rolls up Jericho in the corner but Angle dropkicks his head face first into the middle buckle to break it up. Jericho loads up a double arm suplex on Angle but gets countered into a crossface chickenwing. Benoit comes back in and dropkicks Angle before sending him to the floor and into the barricade. Back in and the Swan Dive to Jericho gives Benoit the first fall and the Intercontinental Title.

Very wisely Benoit immediately covers Jericho for an attempt at the European Title but it only gets two as Kurt dives in for the save. Angle suplexes Benoit down for two but takes too long on the moonsault attempt, allowing Jericho to break it up. Jericho loads up a belly to back superplex but Benoit supelxes Chris down, allowing Angle to miss the moonsault on Benoit. All three guys are down now until Angle covers Benoit for two. Jericho gets back into it with a Walls attempt on Angle, only to have the other Chris break it up.

Everyone gets back up and it’s Jericho with a spinwheel kick to take Benoit to the floor. The double powerbomb puts Angle down but Benoit comes back in for the Rolling Germans on Jericho. Benoit goes old school with a Dragon Supelx on Angle for two. Jericho hits the forearm on the referee by mistake, only to be put in the Crossface by the new IC Champion.

It gets an unseen tapout but Benoit releases, allowing Jericho to put Benoit in the Walls. Angle hits Jericho with a title belt but Benoit makes the save as the referee is awake again. Benoit suplexes Angle down again but misses the Swan Dive. Jericho slides in for the Lionsault on Benoit for the European Title to end things.

Rating: B+. Awesome match here which would have been match of the year when this style dominated in 2003. All three guys were the future generation of the company once we shifted to the technical style over on Smackdown in a few years, but here it’s just awesome instead of a match of the times. This is one of the only things that people remember from this show and with good reason: it was awesome.

Vince says he’ll be a factor in the main event. He’s in Rock’s corner tonight and doesn’t think his family is dysfunctional. Vince promises to make it right tonight. You can smell the screwjob coming from here.

HHH doesn’t like what Vince just said and promises not to lose.

D-Generation X vs. Rikishi/Kane

This would be Road Dogg and X-Pac with Tori as the final surviving members of the team. Kane has the wicked awesome inverted colors on tonight with mainly black trimmed with red. Tori slaps Paul Bearer before the match but gets choked by Kane for his efforts. It’s a brawl to start with Rikishi hitting a quick Stinkface on Road Dogg. The fat man turns his attention to Tori but Pac makes a last minute save. D-X tries to leave to no avail as the big men slowly chase them down.

We finally get started with Pac vs. Rikishi and the smaller man hitting a spinning kick in the corner but no Bronco Buster follows. Off to Roadie for the dancing punches and a forearm to put Rikishi down. The shaky knee gets two and it’s back to Pac for some kicks to the chest which have no effect. A Samoan Drop puts Pac down and there’s the tag to Kane. Kane gets to beat up X-Pac which is the whole point of the match. X-Pac avoids the Stinkface but Bearer throws Tori in to take his place. Kane tombstones Pac to end this.

Rating: D. This was another way to bridge between the two matches while also giving us a nice closure to this feud. Rikishi was a popular guy at the time so giving him a big match on a show like this was the right idea. Tori screwed over Kane months before so seeing her get what was coming to her was a nice feeling. The match sucked though.

Post match Too Cool and the San Diego Chicken come out to celebrate but Kane doesn’t trust the bird. Everyone dances as Kane stares at the chicken. Either Pete is a far better dancer than expected or there’s something afoot. Kane stares down at the bird but here’s Pete Rose with a ball bat. This goes as badly as the other years have gone and it’s a chokeslam and a Stinkface for the Hit King. I’ll give the guy this: he’s willing to do almost whatever the WWF asked of him.

Rock says it’s been twelve months since he was world champion and there have been a lot of bad moments for Rock since then. After ever chokeslam, every Mandible Claw and every Pedigree, he’s back here at Wrestlemania for his world title. If Rock has an ounce of blood and sweat, he’s going to layeth the Smacketh Down tonight for the millions and millions.

Various celebrities are here tonight, including Michael Clarke Duncan and Martin Short.

Here’s a recap of the main event which the company doesn’t think is important enough to explain to you. HHH is defending champion and retired Foley at No Way Out. Rock won the Rumble but Big Show presented HHH with a video showing that Rock’s feet hit first. This got Big Show a match at No Way Out for the #1 contendership where he beat Rock. Rock then earned the shot back by beating Big Show on Raw. Linda McMahon brought Foley back for one night only and if he wins tonight, there’s a tournament leading up to the title match at Backlash.

The real story here is that there’s a McMahon in every corner: Vince with Rock because Vince respect him, Stephanie with her husband HHH, Linda with the feel good story of Foley and Shane with Big Show because he sees Show as his ticket to the top of the company. In other words, the wrestlers are just there as the McMahons are the real show here.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mick Foley vs. HHH vs. Big Show

There are no tags here, no disqualification and you have to win by pin. Why there are no submissions is beyond me but whatever. Rock and Big Show fight as do the other two with the champion being punched down. Allegedly Foley was told a week before this match that he would be participating so he isn’t in the best of shape. Granted that’s normal for him so maybe it won’t be that big of a deal.

Big Show runs over everyone and gorilla presses HHH and Rock. Foley gets a headbutt but tries to jump on Show’s back, only to have the giant crush him against the mat. Rock comes back with right hands on Big Show but walks into a side slam for no cover. HHH jumps into a chokeslam attempt but Foley breaks it up with a low blow. Everyone triple teams Big Show to a big reaction and a running clothesline from Rock puts him down. They all stomp away at the giant but HHH and Foley just can’t work together that long.

Foley blasts HHH in the ribs with a chair and hits Show in the back with it as well, allowing the Rock Bottom to get rid of the biggest guy in the match. We’re down to three now and Shane is ticked off. HHH offers Foley an alliance against Rock but Foley says no. Instead HHH offers Rock an alliance against Foley but we get a Rock and Sock Connection reunion as HHH gets beaten down. HHH gets punched down and dropped with a double clothesline.

The champion is sent to the floor but the Connection won’t fight each other. Instead they head to the outside and beat up HHH even more to the fans’ delight. Rock picks up the bell but accidentally blasts Foley in the head. Foley gets up quickly and finds a barbed wire 2×4. HHH saves himself with a low blow and a shot to Foley’s ribs with the board. Rock comes back in and is backdropped to the floor, allowing Foley to hit the double arm DDT on HHH. It’s Socko time and Rock adds a belt shot to take HHH down.

Rock loads up the Elbow but Foley puts the Claw on him to break it up. HHH hits them both low to put them both down but Rock gets back up first and pounds away on the champion. Foley gets in a shot to Rock for two and a double arm DDT gets the same. Vince slides in a chair for no apparent reason but Foley gets it first. It gets kicked back into his face by Rock for two as HHH makes the save. Why would he do something like that? A running knee lift gets two on Rock but HHH doesn’t save this time. Interesting.

HHH and Mick start working together for a bit and a knee drop gets two on Rock. They head to the floor with Mick’s knees being sent HARD into the steps. Mick picks up said steps and cracks Rock in the head with them as Stephanie yells at Linda. HHH puts Rock on the table for the Foley elbow through it….but Mick can’t jump that far and crashes ribs first into the edge of the table. HHH hits about three elbows of his own to put Rock through the table as the match continues to drag.

Back inside and HHH Pedigrees Foley for two and a big eruption from the crowd. A BIG chair shot to the head puts Foley down and Linda is panicking. HHH Pedigrees Mick onto the chair and the career is over again. We’re down to two now and HHH is somehow even more hated than he was before. Foley gets a big standing ovation but turns around to come back to the ring. He picks up the barbed wire and blasts HHH in the head to give us one last BANG BANG moment.

We’re finally down to HHH vs. Rock after twenty minutes of glorified preliminary stuff. Rock gets two off the barbed wire stuff and they head up to the stage for the required main event brawling. Rock suplexes HHH down on the concrete and does the same with a clothesline. They head into the crowd for even more “fighting” which means walking with the occasional punching. A backdrop puts HHH back at ringside where Rock picks up the steps, only to have HHH knock them onto Rock with a chair. He pounds on the steps with the chair to crush Rock even further underneath them.

A piledriver on the steps keeps Rock down even longer before we head inside again. The piledriver only gets two and Rock is somehow up again to slug away with right hands. Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered with HHH being backdropped out to the floor. Rock hits a kind of spinebuster to put HHH down and there’s a suplex through the table for good measure. Both guys are basically dead now but it’s Rock up first.

Vince can’t handle the lack of the spotlight anymore though and rams HHH into the post. Cue Shane again to take out Vince with a monitor shot to the head but Papa gets up a few seconds later to beat up his son. Shane comes back with a chairshot as we’re ignoring THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA to see Shane and Vince fight. As a bleeding Vince is taken out, we cut to a shot of Stephanie with the most vapid look you’ll ever see on her face.

We’re allowed to return to the match now with right hands from Rocky. A DDT gets two on the champion as does a tilt-a-whirl slam. HHH comes back with a facebuster and a barbed wire shot to the head of Rock. At least he’s nice enough to loudly ask “ARE YOU OK” before being catapulted into Shane. There’s the Rock Bottom but Rock can’t cover. Instead here’s Vince for the 87^th time tonight to slap Shane around. Then, as if you would expect anything else, he turns on Rock with a chair shot. Stephanie still fails at acting as HHH chairs Rock down again for the pin to retain and kill the crowd even deader.

Rating: D+. And that’s being VERY generous. This was the definition of McMahon overkill as it was ALL about them with the match literally being ignored at times while they had their repeated drama. On top of that the match sucked with the first 20 minutes being there to get us to the last 20 minutes which doesn’t do anyone any good. The rest of the match was just a big mess with no real story to it as we were all at the mercy of the McMahons. Instead of focusing on HHH vs. Rock, we had to wait 40 minutes for Vince to turn on Rock for no apparent reason. Also Rock would win the title at Backlash, making this entirely pointless.

Post match Vince and Stephanie reunite in the ring. Shane gets back in but before we can get more of McMahon World, Rock comes in with Rock Bottoms for all three McMahons. You might notice that HHH, the FREAKING WORLD CHAMPION, is nowhere in sight for all this. Oh wait he pops up on the apron to get punched down before Rock hits the People’s Elbow on Stephanie (who doesn’t even move an inch when it hits). The last shot of the show: the McMahons recovering of course.

Overall Rating: D. This show is the low point of the best year in the company’s history and it’s because of the McMahon drama. Again, there is zero reason to have them dominate a main event like this other than that’s what they wanted to happen. The stuff that was good though, while limited, was VERY good with the midcard title match and the tag title match blowing away everything else going on with this show. That main event is a BIG blow to it though given how long the thing ran. Check out those two matches and then go pick up the N64 game instead of the show as it’s WAY more entertaining.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

Redo: B-

T&A vs. Head Cheese

Original: F

Redo: D-

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

Redo: A-

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

Redo: B+

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D

Not much changes in a few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Wrestlemania 2000
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 19,776
Star Spangled Banner: Lillian Garcia
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This whole show is an interesting one, and this is primarily for two reasons. Number one: there is not a standard one on one match on the whole card. That’s just odd for any show. The other thing: Steve Austin and Undertaker were out with injuries here. This show is also important though because it’s the first show where all your big names are just that: big names.

HHH is the reigning WWF Champion, Rock is the #1 face in the company, Big Show is there for some reason, and Foley is “retired”, but getting one more shot as he finally gets to main event a Wrestlemania, which is a nice thing to let him do, despite the fact that he really had no business there at all. He was added less than two weeks before the show after the original main event, a three way match with HHH, Rock and Big Show happened on Raw for no apparent reasons at the time.

Also at this show, we have the WM debuts of Benoit, Angle, the Hardyz and the Dudleyz, as well as Edge and Christian being actual wrestlers here for the first time. This is the first show with the new generation being around, and it showed really well. It’s also the first show where the company more or less knew that WCW and any real threat to WWF’s survival was dead, so they didn’t have to nail it to ensure where their next paycheck was coming from. However, the important question is obvious: is the show with all these new stars better than last year’s? Let’s get to it.

Sweet goodness Lillian looks different here. She aged very well and actually looks better older than she does here. She can still sing though.
After a video highlighting the previous Manias either narrated by James Earl Jones (Darth Vader in an explanation I can’t believe I had to make) or the greatest imitation of his voice ever recorded, for the first time in Mania history, we get the MASSIVE pyro display that has become a standard in WWF. So with all this new talent, what’s our first great match?

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Bossman/Bull Buchanan

Eh? We’re opening the show that’s supposed to lead the WWF and therefore the wrestling business into the new millennium and this is what you give us? And people wonder why wrestling went downhill in a hurry once WCW died. Godfather and Brown are rapped to the ring by Ice T, who I try to block out as most of the time these live intros are awful. Brown is a co-pimp here.

Remember the catchy Godfather entrance? This isn’t close to it. Ice T does some song that includes the lyric Pimp Or Die. Something sound bad about that? This intro goes on WAY too long and sums up what I hate about rap: this whole thing is just loud and stupid sounding. It was built to market a CD called Aggression which was a rap album of WWF entrance themes. In case you can’t guess, it bombed.

After that completely pointless intro, Godfather decides he has to do his awful intro, saying for everyone to smoke a blunt and say it ain’t easy. FINALLY Bossman’s terribly bland theme music plays and the pain in my head goes away a little bit. Godfather has really stupid looking dreadlocks here and is somehow dumber looking than usual.

There’s really no reason as to why these two are feuding in case you thought there was. Is it possible that D’Lo Brown is the most successful of these four men? I do believe he is and that’s a scary thought. Anyway let’s get to this. Brown vs. Buchanan to start us off with Brown controlling so far. Godfather takes Boss Man’s interfering head off while Brown is on offense.

Off to the pimp now as the fans want puppies. Big elbow misses as we talk about JR wearing some of Godfather’s clothes for some reason. Basically Boss Man dominates when he’s in and Buchanan can do one move, that running up the corner into a spinning clothesline. Blind tag brings in the Boss Man who gets two on Brown as Godfather saves.

Axe kick by Buchanan gets two. Brown and Boss Man on the floor now and Godfather accidentally clotheslines the referee. I say accidentally as the referee doesn’t even go down so it wasn’t the point obviously. Boss Man gets two on Brown who is the face in peril here. Buchanan with a bearhug now as the fans chant for D’lo.

Naturally that doesn’t do it but an elbow takes down Brown. Double teaming by the guys in black as Godfather just looks stupid. Boss Man sucks chant starts up. The beating goes on for awhile with Buchanan hitting a double axe off the top. We talk about Pete Rose for a bit and apparently he’s got a ball bat with him just in case.

Godfather shakes the ropes to crotch Godfather and Brown busts out a rana to break the momentum. Here’s Godfather who cleans some house. Ho Train hits Boss Man in the corner sets up the Lo Down from Brown. Bull pushes him off the top though but Brown lands on his feet. Boss Man Slam kills D’lo though and a guillotine leg drop from Buchanan ends this.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible but at the same time it’s Godfather/Brown vs. Boss Man/Buchanan. It’s not a terrible match but is this really what you want to open Mania? Also, a heel team winning the opener? Just not a great idea especially after the crowd got fired up for the rapping. Not bad but just odd.

Steph and HHH are in their office talking about how great their lives are.

The referees explain the rules of the Hardcore Battle Royal tonight. It’s a 15 minute time limit. There’s no limit to the amount of title changes in that period. Apparently the 24/7 rule is waved after tonight. I think Crash has to be pinned to get the title off of him.
Hardcore Title: Battle Royal

Hardcore Holly, Crash Holly, Tazz, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Farrooq, Bradshaw
The idea here was that the Hardcore Title was defended 24/7, as long as the challenger had a referee with him. This led to some interesting situations such as pin falls as amusement parks, hotels, etc. You have 13 guys here and whoever gets the last pinfall leaves with the belt, which would be kind of pointless as the 24/7 rule would be in effect so he could get attacked seconds after it ended right? It’s not really a battle royal but rather a 13 man match.

There are weapons at ringside and thankfully a lot of the guys come out in groups or teams to save some time. The Posse gets a small pop. The APA gets the biggest pop by far. Here we go. Remember there are 15 minutes to this period. Everyone but Crash and Taz go to the floor almost immediately and Tazz gets a suplex on Crash to win the title in maybe a minute. Now they have to pin him to get the title, which Viscera does with a splash. We’re not even at 13 minutes left yet.

Everyone is on the floor now and someone has a box fan. There’s a flag in there. The Posse of all people jump Viscera and they actually work for a bit. Lots of weapon shots to Viscera, mainly from the APA. Crash is busted open. They’ve taken the clock off the screen now because they want us to have to think I guess. Crash, ever the lunkhead, tries to jump the future Big Daddy V.

The crowd is kind of dead as they’re just hitting each other with weapons here. Bradshaw is like screw it and starts beating the tar out of people. Hardcore gets two on Viscera after a shot with a trashcan lid. Ten minutes left as JR says these guys won’t forget their first Wrestlemania. I’m not sure how many this is their first for. Taz is I think and that might be it. Funaki maybe?

We haven’t had a fall in like four minutes. 2/3 of the Posse and Viscera are in the ring now with Thrasher. Viscera beats everyone up with a cookie sheet. Farrooq comes in as Viscera climbs the ropes for no apparent reason. The APA get a double slam which doesn’t really keep him down. They throw Kai En Tai on top of Viscera and Funaki is called the new champion.

Taka immediately smacks him upside his head and the chase is on! Funaki proves to be the most intelligent guy here as he’s trying to run. With a little under seven minutes left some of the Posse catches him in the back and Rodney steals the title. Abs gets a suplex and gets the title. That was a 24 second title reign for those keeping count. Thrasher rams Joey into a wall and gets the title.

Thrasher then runs through a line of people who all hit him with weapons and we’re back in the arena now. Pete Gas finds a fire extinguisher and the third member of the Posse has the title now. Then Tazz grabs him and I think Pete is busted. Oh yeah he’s busted good. A T-Bone Suplex gives Taz his second reign of the night with a little over 4 minutes left.

Hardcore gets two after ramming him into the steps. Crash is busted BAD. Taz tries to pin Mosh as I guess instincts took over or something. Taz keeps kicking out. Both Hollies fight Taz in the ring with Crash not being able to do much at all. ECW chant starts up and we’re under three minutes. Taz stands alone and covers Crash with two and a half minutes to go. Eh it’s not a big deal. As a wrestler I guess you’re trained to go for covers.

The Hollies beat Crash down and both guys try for the pin. Naturally they end up fighting which is what they do in that family I guess. With two minutes left Taz suplexes Crash and Hardcore gets a powerslam on Taz for two. I love how no one else has seemed to care about trying to win the title and is just fighting. Taz suplexes Hardcore and he hits the floor, stealing JR’s candy jar.

Now we get to the weird part of this. Crash gets a weapon shot in on Taz and wins the title with about 20 seconds to go. Taz grabs the Tazmission but Hardcore comes in with the candy jar and busts it over Taz’s head (legitimately injuring Taz’s eye and costing him the push that would ultimately go to Chris Benoit). He covers Crash and the referee just doesn’t slap the mat for three.

What was supposed to happen was the clock was supposed to go out with Hardcore having a 2.99999 count. They messed up the timing though and the referee had to stop. They further messed things up by having Fink say Hardcore won the title while JR screams that there was a shoulder up. Totally not the planned ending but you have to do what you have to do.

Rating: C+. What were you expecting here? The idea makes sense and given what’s going on, the mistake at the end is very excusable in my mind, and since this is my review of the show, it’s excusable. It was wild and stupid, and that’s just fine. The match was fun and that’s all that really matters.

Video on Axxess. That still looks awesome. They have a small arena with matches going on, a commentary booth where you can sit down with Michael Cole and call a match, race cars, autograph booths, a Hall of Fame exhibit. Austin and HBK, two guys that weren’t active at this time, are there too. I’d love to go to something like that.
Al Snow is in the bathroom talking to someone in a stall but Steve Blackman is worried about what he’s planning.

We go from that to an extreme closeup of Trish’s ample chest as she says WM is going to see some T & A.

Test/Albert vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman

This was a really weird angle in the tag division as Snow and Blackman were doing the odd pairing that won almost every match they had, but Snow insisted that they needed a name which didn’t go that well. Test and Albert were guys that Trish had handpicked to be her team. What you have to remember here about Trish is at the time, she wasn’t a wrestler and was nothing more than the hot manager. It wasn’t for about two more years before she and Lita took the division to new heights.

As for the match, before it we get Al Snow talking. One of the names he was pitching was Head Cheese, going along with his Head gimmick. Out comes Chester McCheesyton, a walking piece of cheese. Sadly enough, I’m not making that up. Trish leads their opponents down, but is WAY more muscular than when she started wrestling. If this is believable, she let herself go physically before she started wrestling.

Lawler messes up the headsets and JR is gone for a bit. Blackman and Test start but it’s off to Snow soon thereafter. Blackman tries to keep the Head Cheese chants down as this filler match goes on. This is a good show later on but these opening matches are pretty freaking bad all things considered. I’m watching Al Snow and Steve Blackman at Wrestlemania. Let that sink in for a bit.

Oh and JR is back now. It breaks down quickly as you can tell JR has nothing to work with here at all. There’s no point in talking about the match as it’s just about getting us to the end and that’s all there is to it. The cheese hits on Trish and is named Chester the Molester. Albert gets beaten down for awhile as this is one of the least interesting matches I’ve ever seen. This is what Raw and Smackdown are for.

Did I mention that this match is terribly boring? It’s one of those matches where stuff is happening in the ring but nothing matters at all. Crowd is DEAD here. It doesn’t help that the wrestling is boring. Double powerbomb to Snow gets two. There’s the boring chant. Bowling shoe tendency line by Ross. Head Cheese’s finishing move, the move that the Smoking Guns called the Sidewinder, gets two. FINALLY Albert gets a press slam on Blackman and the elbow from Test ends it.

Rating: F. Thank goodness it’s over. This was one of the least interesting matches I’ve ever seen and somehow it’s nearly an hour into the show. Just a terrible match all around and everyone knew it. Get on to whatever is next please.

The “good guys” beat up the cheese dude post match.

We get a horrible segment of Kat and Mae Young where Kat is sitting in a chair sans clothing and Mae keeps handing her things that cover up certain parts. Austin Powers was very big at this time and it’s supposed to be like that I think.

The Dudleys, still in their original AWESOME mode, say they’ll win and even though the odds are against them they’ll take things to a new level. These two more or less saved the division.
Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

This was before the name TLC was coined, but it’s the same thing with a bigger emphasis on the ladders. Edge and Christian were still chasing the belts at this point and the Dudleyz are the defending champions. At this time, the Dudleyz were so over it’s mind blowing and they were easily the biggest tag team in the world. There’s no backstory here other than they’ve been feuding over the belts and E/C and the Hardys have had ladder matches before. These matches never have much backstory but they don’t need to.

The Dudleys climb a ladder and pose during their entrance so the other two teams start fighting without them. All six guys brawl in the aisle until Matt and Christian hit the ring. Matt and Jeff look A LOT alike here so I’ll likely get them mixed up at least once or twice. These matches are very hard to call so it’s likely that I’ll miss something.

Bubba beats on Jeff in the ring until Jeff gets what would become known as Whisper in the Wind to reverse. Bubba Bomb and Bubba rules the ring. That may never be said again forever. The fans want tables as Christian goes up the ladder early. Matt saves as the ladders are brought in quickly. Crowd is surprisingly quiet here but after the first three matches they had to sit through I can understand that.

We start the violence though and the fans wake up a good bit. Ladders are rammed into people and pain is caused. Matt gets the screaming…elbow onto D-Von onto the ladder. Jeff tries a 450 onto Bubba onto the ladder but the fat country boy moves and Jeff nearly kills himself again. In other news, the sun came up today. Bubba actually hits the backsplash off the middle rope but hits his head on the ladder. FREAKING OW MAN!

Matt’s entire body is crushed by a ladder and then the same thing happens to Edge. They’re doing a lot more with the ladders here. Bubba does the Terry Funk spot as he spins around with the ladder around his neck. Edge/Christian beat on D-Von for awhile and then sit up a ladder in front of the ropes. Christian dives off and takes out Matt and Bubba. Nice dive indeed.

Jeff goes up but Edge dives off the top rope to spear him down. Oh man would that be topped by about a thousand next year. Edge takes a Crucifix Bomb from Matt off the ladder. Christian throws a ladder at D-Von. Why do stuff that is too complicated I guess? Three ladders set up now but Bubba takes Christian down with the Cutter off the ladder. SWEET spot.

The Hardys kill Bubba with the legdrop/splash combo off ladders. D-Von and Christian in the ring now but here’s Edge. The Canadians get a double suplex off the ladder in a great spot. Everyone but the Dudleys go up and everyone but the Dudleys crash down. And here comes Bubba! Here they go again, this time with all six of them.

Christian and Jeff go flying over the top rope to the floor as do Matt and Edge. The Dudleys wind up in the ring somehow but they’re a bit dead at the moment. Christian staggers to his feet and is sandwiched between two ladders. The look on his face in short says “That hurt a LOT!” Old school 3D to Edge, which is where Bubba runs parallel to him and then crosses over to catch Edge in the cutter in stride. It’s an awesome move when done right.

The Dudleys don’t have their catchphrase yet so they just get the tables. With two ladders already in the ring the ring, the Dudleys set up a table on top of them like a bridge/platform between them. The Hardys are back now to surprising booing. To the floor we go and Matt is slammed into the steps and HARD. This has been an incredibly physical match to say the least.

There’s a table in the ring in front of a ladder with D-Von on said ladder and a table in front of the announce table. Matt goes on the one in the ring and Jeff is in a powerbomb position in Bubba’s hands on the announce table. In stereo, D-Von dives onto Matt and Bubba powerbombs Jeff in a cool sequence. Jeff somehow gets up soon thereafter and tries his barrier run but Bubba PELTS the ladder at him to stop Jeff in midair which looked sweet again. Jeff has taken a man’s beating in this.

And now it’s time to set up the big spot in this match as Bubba debuts the super ladder in the aisle. There’s a table set up in front of it and Jeff gets laid out on it. Christian comes up with the bell to clock Bubba. Jeff gets off the table as Bubba is laid on it. And he begins to climb. In the HOLY CRAP spot of the match, Jeff jumps off the ladder and half kills himself with a Swanton Bomb through Bubba through the table. That was the top of Jeff’s highlight reel for a long time.

Back in the ring with D-Von kind of alive. Matt and Christian are in there too and are trying to stand. Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and Matt and Christian both start climbing. They get up on the platform but Edge is climbing up behind Matt. Edge throws him off and through a table which explodes on impact. The Canadians grab the belts and win their first tag titles to finally end this.

Rating: B+. This was a great match but there are a lot of dead spots in there. Jeff is easily the star of this match as he took one of the best beatings you’ll ever see with huge bump after huge bump. Somehow this would be topped the next year and this match would be blown out of the water. Great match and definitely picked up a bad show so far. I liked it quite a bit but somehow next year’s was that much better.

In the back we have Linda McMahon with Mick Foley. I forgot to mention, the idea behind the main event is that there’s a McMahon in every corner. Stephanie and HHH, Vince is backing Rock, Linda brought Mick back in, and Shane was Big Show’s manager for lack of a better term. Foley, with washed hair, says his fairy tale will come true, not his opponents.

JR and King talk about how great the ladder match was and they’re right. Considering that almost nothing like this had ever been done with so many people, this was beyond great.

Terri vs. The Kat

Val Venis is the guest referee here. To cover up the fact that neither can wrestle, the only thing you have to do here is throw the other girl out of the ring. Val’s pre match promos are always great. Apparently he and WM have things in common: they’re large extravaganzas, they get blood pumping, but unlike Val, Mania only comes once a year. And people have the nerve to wonder why the Attitude Era scared away parents.

Terri has Moolah with her and Kat has Mae Young. This is one of the major problems with great matches: after them, you get stuff like this. Terri truly was ugly to me. Val makes out with both in the middle of the match as this continues to cry out for someone to save the division. Terri gets thrown out but Mae is kissing Val. She comes back in and Terri wins. Afterwards, Kat strips Terri of her pants.

Rating: F. Didn’t care at all and it was terrible. A complete waste of time and an insult to my intelligence. It was like two minutes long and awful to say the least.

In the back we see Eddie, Saturn and Malenko getting ready to face Too Cool and Chyna. Eddie has a crush on Chyna but can’t get her attention.

Chyna/Too Cool vs. The Radicalz

This feud went on forever and no one cared. Let’s get this over with. All I have to remember is that the triple threat is next. That should get me through this. Oh well at least Chyna looks pretty good here. I’ll give Too Cool this: their music is downright catchy. Scotty vs. Eddie starts us off here. Eddie gets beaten down a bit and we get some dancing.

Chyna is tagged in and Eddie literally runs away on his knees. Dean, the Light Heavyweight Champion is here now. JR thinks Chyna looks hot. That’s just wrong on so many levels. Grandmaster and Chyna hit a double suplex on Malenko. Hey look: more dancing. Is that all Too Cool could do? Back to Eddie who avoids the top rope legdrop. Ok so it was more like Saturn shoved Grandmaster off but work for me here.

Grandmaster vs. Saturn at the moment. Saturn steals Grandmaster’s head gear complete with dreadlocks or whatever that is. Back to Eddie who takes over for a bit and it’s cold tag to Scotty. Eddie keeps trying to get Chyna’s attention which fails completely. Since she isn’t paying enough attention she gets her head rammed into the post. Good. Witch deserved it.

Saturn and Malenko get beaten up by Scotty and it’s time for the Worm. Oh but since it’s Mania it’s a double Worm to both Radicalz not named Eddie. Everything breaks down a bit as we’re still waiting on Eddie vs. Chyna. Nice superkick by Saturn to Scotty as we’re in a bit more of a standard match now. Elbow hits Scotty from the top for no cover.

Off to Eddie but he can’t get the Frog Splash off. Scotty drills him and it’s a superplex to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Chyna and Eddie can’t run away fast enough. Handspring elbow to Saturn as Chyna is cleaning house. Double low blow and Eddie drills Chyna. Chyna counters a powerbomb and gets a bad one of her own. She grabs Eddie’s balls and then gets a sleeper drop for the pin. They would be together the following night.

Rating: D. Well Chyna looked good and she got to beat on Eddie. That’s the extent of the good stuff about this match. It’s nothing special to say the slightest and is yet again another pointless match on this show in a long streak of them. Again though, the triple threat is next. Keep repeating that.
That day there was a thing called All Day Long which was an 8 hour countdown of WM history that cost an extra 50 dollars. Our cable company screwed up and we got It for free. Anyway the point of this is there was a contest with the winner getting front row seats and the winner is shown. She and her husband are the definition of white trash but it’s kind of a cool idea. They’re from Allentown, Pennsylvania, hometoiwn of the Nasty Boys as I show my nerdiness.

Shane tells us how awesome Big Show is. Show says he’s awesome and will take apart the other three.

Bob Backlund who is kind of Angle’s mentor made the match with both titles being defended in the same match/back to back. Kurt kind of goes insane and puts Backlund in the crossface chickenwing even though you can tell there’s no pressure on the arm. One of the medals breaks during this scuffle.

Angle talks to a security guard to try to get some extra security, offering autographs as payment. Much funnier than it sounds.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

This is the match that everyone remembers from this show as well as being a very cool concept. Angle has both the European and Intercontinental titles and is defending both in back to back triple threat matches. The first fall is for the IC title and immediately thereafter the European Title match starts. With these three, are you expecting less than greatness?

The brilliance behind this is that even if one has a bad night, the other two are there to cover for them. Jericho is clearly having a blast on the mic here and says he’ll win something and be the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah no matter what. Angle is still the goofball heel which is some of the best stuff I can ever remember. Him being less than a year into his pro career is insane.

Speaking of insane, Benoit jumps him on the floor and the fight is on. They seem to be attacking Angle together for the most part but he fights them off somewhat. Benoit vs. Jericho now as this is rather fast paced. With Benoit and Angle on the apron, Jericho hits his springboard dropkick to take them both out to the floor. There’s a really annoying kid in the audience that is shouting about everything that’s said. Granted that’s not a terrible thing as that’s what fans are supposed to do.

Ross says Angle is great but talks about himself too much. Lawler: “So does Jericho.” Ross: “That’s a good point King. Maybe later you’ll make another.” No one ever accused JR of being the nicest guy in the world. Jericho is knocked off the top out to the floor where he slams into the table in a painful looking bump. Angle gets a snap suplex on Benoit for two.

Jericho knocks Angle to the floor and locks in a camel clutch to Benoit. This is too fast paced to call everything and they keep going back and forth. Jericho suplexes Angle and Benoit almost steals a pin. Then he does something stupid and tries to suplex Kurt. I think you get what winds up happening to Jericho. Benoit is sent to the floor and in some slick counters Angle gets a crossface chicken wing on Jericho.

Benoit manages to get a dropkick to Angle to break it up at the last second. He throws Angle into the crowd and hits the swan dive to Jericho for the pin and the Intercontinental Title. In a smart move Benoit tries to immediately cover Jericho but Angle breaks it up. All three are back in there now and Angle’s moonsault is crotched.

Angle is up top and Jericho tries a belly to back suplex. Benoit drills Jericho and suplexes him instead. Angle tries the moonsault to Benoit but crashes and everyone is down for a count. After some covers Jericho grabs the Walls on Angle but Benoit breaks it up. Angle wakes up and hammers away but Jericho takes him and Benoit down with relative ease. Double powerbomb to Angle but Benoit saves again. Rolling Germans by Benoit to Jericho get two as well.

Benoit goes old school with a Dragon Suplex to Kurt. Angle’s shoulder might have been up on the bridge so Jerry screams conspiracy. Jericho misses the forearm and drills the referee with it. Crossface goes on and Jericho taps but there’s no referee. Walls of Jericho to Benoit but still no ref. Angle drills Jericho with a belt to break it up which only gets two. Benoit misses the Swan Dive to Angle so Jericho hits his fellow Canadian with the Lionsalt for the European Title to end this.

Rating: A. This was great stuff indeed with all three guys working incredibly hard the entire time. It’s also a good way to get the titles off of Kurt without hurting his reputation. He would be world champion in the fall so he doesn’t have much to complain about. Excellent match and probably their best matches up to this point.

Vince is in the back with Cole as apparently the four way can only have eliminations via pinfall and it’s No DQ. For a multi-man match, that’s the best way to go. Vince says the McMahons won’t be a factor. That’s why they were the focal point of the match right? Vince says he’ll “make it right.”

HHH says he will not lose.

Kane/Rikishi vs. X-Pac/Road Dogg

This is pure filler before the title match, but there’s a story to it at least. DX is accompanied by Tori who is Kane’s ex. She was his first relationship and left X-Pac, allegedly because Kane wasn’t big enough for her. She’s pure sexuality and while she’s not the most famous or attractive diva, she’s one of the sexiest. The name Pete Rose is thrown around here as he might want a piece of Kane after two years of getting beaten up. Kane has been chasing X-Pac for months and this is about the best shot he ever got at him.

Well if nothing else we get the awesome Kings of Rock theme for DX. The more I see of Jesse James, the more I’m impressed. We now get Rikishi. Oh yay, it’s Rikishi. GOOD GRIEF I HATED THIS GUY. People, you want to complain about JBL being useless? This is the epitome of useless. If you remember earlier on I said there was no Austin. He was out getting neck surgery so the reason given was that he was run over by a car at the Survivor Series. No one knew who was driving it or who was behind it.

Austin comes back in the fall from being out nearly a year and the man hunt begins. Who was it? HHH, Rock, Vince, maybe even one of the new guys like Jericho or Benoit, looking to make a name for themselves? Nope. It’s Rikishi, the 400lb, thong wearing, dancing sumo wrestler. He debuted about a week after Austin was run over and while Austin was out, Rikishi rose to the IC title in a decent run and hit amazing popularity.

Then in the worst move I can ever remember, he’s revealed as the mastermind of the plot to attack Austin. They have a match and finally everyone realizes the massive problem: Austin can’t beat Rikishi up the way he usually does others because he’s too fat.

No one buys into Rikishi as the big bad he was supposed to be, so WWF pulled the blug at the last minute and said Rikishi was working for HHH, making him the true evil one. Rikishi was gone soon thereafter, thank goodness. Anyway, Kane comes out to end my hate filled rant. Paul Bearer in the red suit is just sweet looking for some reason.

Bearer and Tori get into an argument so DX double teams Rikishi. Kane has the inverted colors tonight which is awesome. Stinkface to Road Dogg as I think we have a comedy match on our hands. Stinkface to Tori is avoided to big booing. DX tries to run which doesn’t work at all. Kane finally gets his hands on X-Pac.

We finally get back in the ring and Pac kicks Rikishi’s head off. Pac vs. Rikishi is how we finally start it up. Bronco Buster by Pac and it’s off to Roadie. Pac in again and he can’t do a thing. Rikishi hits a one man 3D and it’s off to Kane. Road Dogg gets his head kicked off and Tori is thrown in. Stinkface for her and a Tombstone for X-Pac ends it quickly.

Rating: D+. Well for what it was supposed to be this was fine. Keeping it short was a great thing as this barely broke four minutes. Kane gets his revenge, we get the comedy stuff, Tori looked good, and then we get what the whole point of this is about: the post match stuff.

Too Cool comes out to dance but the San Diego Chicken comes out like last year. Rikishi comes in to kill the chicken but is intercepted by some yellow sunglasses. Somehow the dancing gets the best pop of the night. The chicken can move and it’s pretty clear that’s not Rose. Kane goes after the chicken but Pete Rose comes in.

Chokeslam to Rose and Paul Bearer does the crotch chop to him. Rose gets a Stinkface to FINALLY end this. I know it’s stupid, I know it’s childish, I know it’s idiotic, but I absolutely love these Pete Rose segments. The guy is having fun and gets beaten up three straight years and it’s still awesome. I loved these things and they still make me smile. Kane’s pyro is louder than usual and it made me jump a bit.

Rock says his time is now and he’s taking the title back. This is serious Rock and it works very well.

Some celebrities are here.

Quick recap of the title match. HHH was WWF Champion so he’s explained. He was feuding with Cactus Jake and retired him at No Way Out. As a favor to him in real life, WWF brought him back in for one final match so he could live out his dream of main eventing a Wrestlemania. Since he was officially retired, if he wins here he vacates the title and a tournament starts that ends at next month’s Backlash.

Rock was the last man out of the Rumble, eliminating Big Show. However, Big Show produces a video showing that Rock’s feet hit the ground before Show’s, so Show officially won. Rock had signed the contracts though, so he couldn’t be taken out but Show could be added, leading to all four being in here. Also remember the McMahon in every corner aspect (Linda – Mick, Stephanie – HHH, Vince – Rock, Shane – Big Show).

WWF World Title: Rock vs. HHH vs. Mick Foley vs. Big Show

Foley comes out first and you can tell he’s choked up. This was classy of WWF to let him have one last time and to let him accomplish his dream like this. It’s clear that the McMahons are the focal point here and is anyone really surprised by that? Big ovation for Rock here as this totally should have been Rock vs. HHH. I get the Foley addition, but did anyone want to see Big Show in there? I miss HHH’s My Time music. That was awesome.

HHH was at the absolute peak of evil here and he looks like awesome. If Stephanie’s hair didn’t look absurd, that bareback pink top and leather pants would work a lot better. HHH doesn’t quite have the water spit down yet. Here we go. Foley vs. HHH and Rock vs. Big Show to start. No tagging here of course. They say fatal fourway but it’s elimination. Foley is out of shape here as he more or less stopped training after No Way Out but to be fair he thought he was done.

Show beats down Rock and takes down the other guys with a double clothesline. Press slam to Rock which is incredibly impressive. Same to HHH. Foley jumps on his back so Show just drops backwards with him. Well why do something other than what works? Rock gets up and hammers away but a side slam takes care of that.

Show tries a chokeslam on HHH but Foley kicks him low. Foley and HHH hammer away on the Giant as does Rock. A trio of clotheslines put him down and they do a Horsemen stomp. Foley drills HHH out of instinct and they hit the floor via a Cactus Clothesline. Chair to the ribs of HHH as Shane trips Rock. Foley blasts Show in the back with a chair and a Rock Bottom puts Show out less than five minutes in. Was there ANY point to him being there? He would be a face in like a week which was good for him and us as we got THE SHOWSTER.

HHH tries to ally himself with Foley to get rid of Rock. That fails so HHH tries to ally himself with Rock to get rid of Foley. Take a guess as to what happens next. The double teaming of HHH goes on for awhile and we go out to the floor. Foley hands Rock the bell but HHH ducks and the bell hits Foley in the head instead. Out of nowhere Mick finds the 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire, drawing a big pop from the crowd.

HHH gets a low blow to save himself and gets the 2×4 for a shot to Foley’s ribs. Rock back in now and the 2×4 is dropped to the floor. Rock is sent to the floor and Foley gets a double arm DDT on HHH. It’s Mr. Socko time and the Claw goes on. Rock grabs the belt and blasts HHH so he can set for the People’s Elbow. Surprisingly though Foley grabs the Claw on Rock, only for the Rock N Sock Connection to take a double low blow to put all three down.

Rock vs. Foley for a bit now as Foley gets some near falls with the double arm DDT getting the closest one. Vince slid a chair in earlier but Foley gets it. Rock kicks it into his face though and then hammers away. He gets a DDT on Foley but HHH breaks it up, causing confusion from the announcers. Foley makes a deal with HHH to get rid of the Rock and the double team is on to huge booing.

Out to the floor where the double teaming continues. Mick gets reversed and his knees crash into the stairs. Those same stairs are rammed into the head of the Rock by Foley to keep Rock down. Rock is put on the Spanish Announce Table so Foley can go to the middle rope for the elbow. The problem is that he couldn’t jump that well and slams chest first into the side of the table, legitimately injuring his sternum.

HHH gets all mad and drops two jumping elbows onto Rock to break him through the table. Back in the ring Foley takes the Pedigree for a long two and a big pop. HHH shoves the referee down and then kills Foley with a chair to the head. Pedigree on the chair and Foley didn’t wrestle again for four years. Rock vs. HHH now for the title, but do you really think Foley is leaving that easily? He comes back and blasts HHH in the head with the barbed wire so that Rock can get two.

Rock clotheslines HHH to the floor and remember it has to end by pinfall. Out to the floor now and we go up the aisle. Rock gets a suplex up by the entrance in a cool looking crash landing. All Rock here. Into the crowd they go and then it’s back to ringside. Rock grabs the steps but HHH pops him with a chair so that the steps hit Rock in the head and fall on his chest. HHH hammers the steps with the chair. A Piledriver on the steps kills Rock but only gets two back in the ring. Big pop for that kickout.

Both finishers are countered with the Pedigree being backdropped to the floor. We go into the crowd again as it’s pretty clear they’re killing time before the finish. Back to the ring area and HHH smacks the hat off the head of an annoying fan. Spinebuster (called a takedown by Ross) on the floor by Rock puts both guys down.

We head to the announce table with Rock suplexing HHH onto the English announce table. You can tell it’s a big match when the American table is busted too. HHH gets a drop toehold to the steps to put Rock down. For some reason he gets in HHH’s face and Vince kicks some Game. Shane is back now and beats down Vince a bit.

Shane hits Vince in the head with a monitor and the look on Stephanie’s face that we cut to is perhaps the most unintentionally funny things you will ever see on WWE television. Stephanie is a lot of things. She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s gorgeous, she’s sexy, she’s a great TV character, but she cannot act to save her life and this is one of those instances. She looks like the guy from Troll 2 if that gives you any indication of how stupid she looks here.

Anyway, Vince somehow pops up from a monitor shot to the head within 20 seconds and goes after Shane. Keep in mind that this sequence, which has gone on for like two minutes now, is happening during THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA. Yes, The Rock vs. HHH, perhaps the greatest feud of the Attitude Era other than Vince vs. Austin and the feud that would carry the comfpany to unthought of levels in 2000 isn’t enough as we need to focus on the McMahons and their drama. This is why this match and show are considered weak: it was about the McMahons and that’s it.

Shane manages to crack Vince’s head with the chair to put him down. They’ve literally not had the camera on HHH or Rock or the ring for three minutes now. They’re in the ring salsa dancing for all I know. Vince is busted open and taken to the back. There’s a trickle of blood which JR is saying is flowing by the quart.

HOLY CRAP IT’S WRESTLING TIME! Rock hammers on HHH and gets a DDT for two. Rock gets a slam for two as Shane has a chair on the floor. HHH gets a facebuster and drills Rock in the head with the 2×4. Shane in now but the reversed Pedigree sends HHH flying into Shane. Rock Bottom but Rock is spent. Shane is up with the chair now but here’s Vince as AGAIN it’s all about the McMahons. Shane goes down, Vince gets the chair, turns on Rock (SHOCKING!), chair to Rock, kick out, HHH gets the chair and drills Rock with it for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well let’s see. First of all, WAY too much focus on the McMahons. Second, this should have been Rock vs. HHH. That’s all there is to it. Also, a fatal fourway elimination match in the main event of Wrestlemania? That sounds like something from a video game. Also, when does a heel win in the main event of Wrestlemania? It’s supposed to be a feel good moment and that simply didn’t happen here. No clue what they were thinking here but it didn’t work like at all.

Vince and Stephanie reunite post match. Rock gets up and all three McMahons take Rock Bottoms. Stephanie gets a People’s Elbow after hers and it looked like Rock grabbed a bit of something when he was getting up for it.

Overall Rating: D. This was….bad. The show itself is mostly watch, but THIS IS WRESTLEMANIA. This isn’t Judgment Day….scratch that as Judgment Day in 2000 was great. This isn’t some WCW show where watchable is a good night. WWF was incredible in 2000 and this is probably the weakest show of the year by far.

I have no idea what the thought process was here but it certainly didn’t work at all. There are two good matches here and more importantly, not one singles match. What the heck were they thinking here? That’s a very good question that I don’t think has ever gotten an answer. Terrible show overall and it just didn’t work, especially for Mania.

 

 

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Today’s Wrestler of the Day loves the way Stallone says YO in Rocky: Funaki.

We’ll pick things up at the usually awesome Super J Cup in 1995.

Super J Cup First Round: Sho Funaki vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon seems to be the heel here. He steps on Funaki’s back to start but has to escape a Fujiwara Armbar attempt. Instead Funaki puts on a leg bar to send Dragon rolling out to the apron. A plancha takes Dragon out again and Funaki goes back to the leg. Back up and they slug it out with Funaki taking over again with a headlock. Funaki grabs another leg lock so Dragon slaps him in the face and puts on one of his own.

They keep fighting over the leg locks with Funaki getting the better of it and keeping Dragon on the mat. Dragon grabs his own leg lock at the same time before they both get back up. A botched hurricanrana takes Funaki down and a Lionsault press gets two. No selling of the leg to be found in case you were expecting any for some reason. A fisherman’s buster gets two for Funaki but Dragon pops back to his feet and hits a hurricanrana followed by a DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. When half of the match is spent with both guys working a leg and then both guys popping up for speed and high flying stuff, it’s really hard to care about the first half of the match. They looked like they were setting up something good but it wound up being all for naught because selling didn’t seem to exist here.

Off to the WWF now with one of Funaki’s first matches taking place at In Your House XXII.

Kaientai vs. Taka Michinoku/Justin Bradshaw

Kaientai is a three man team (Dick Togo, Sho Funaki and Mens Teioh) who has been attacking Taka for reasons not quite clear. Bradshaw has befriended the much smaller Taka and is backing him up tonight. The good guys (the two) jump Kaientai to start, sending them out to the floor. Bradshaw launches Taka over the top to take them all out until we get down to Taka vs. Funaki. A clothesline puts Taka down but it’s quickly off to Bradshaw, sending Funaki running to the floor for a conference.

Bradshaw gets tired of waiting and chases everyone around until we get down to Taka vs. Togo. Taka hits a tornado DDT for two but everyone else come in, leading to Bradshaw and Michinoku cleaning house again. Back in and Togo gets a sitout wheelbarrow slam to take over ad it’s off to Teioh. A big boot to the face and a release butterfly suplex gets two on Taka and a cannonball attack off the top puts Taka down again.

We hit the chinlock on Michinoku before a powerslam gets two more. Togo comes in off the top with something resembling a Swanton Bomb before it’s back to Funaki for a sleeper. Kaientai starts cheating again with Teioh distracting the referee so Funaki can put on a camel clutch and Togo can hit a quick dropkick to Taka’s face.

Michinoku finally avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Bradshaw with the big man cleaning house. Togo hits him low though and Kaientai literally uses Bradshaw as a pedestal to pose. Bradshaw throws them all off and cleans house again but Taka’s Michinoku Driver only gets two on Togo. Teioh and Bradshaw head to the floor, allowing Togo to hit a top rope senton backsplash for the pin on Taka.

Rating: C. This is one of those matches that was better than the crowd reaction would suggest. The fans didn’t quite get this style yet and in an old school town like Milwaukee, the reaction really isn’t surprising. Bradshaw wasn’t much of a factor here but Kaientai bouncing off of him was fun stuff.

Now for a very fun handicap match from Summerslam 1998.

Oddities vs. Kaientai

The Oddities are Golga (Earthquake under a mask), Giant Silva (Great Khali’s size and about a tenth of the skill) and Kurrgan (uh….yeah). Kaientai is a four man heel team here and not the comedy guys they would become in a year or so. Golga starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and the big man rams his own head into the buckle for some reason. He shoves down all four members of Kaientai as we’re firmly in comedy match territory.

Golga steals Kaientai’s manager Yamaguchi-San’s shoes and blasts various people with it before it’s off to the dancing Kurrgan. He gets on his knees to fight Funaki in a funny bit before dancing even more. Three of the four Japanese guys swarm Kurrgan to no effect as he cleans house anyway. Yamaguchi-San is shoved down again and it’s off to Silva to clean the little bit of the house which isn’t taken care of yet.

Kaientai gets in a fight over who comes in but it’s Dick Togo (Best name EVER) who gets the job. All four guys come in again but they can’t combine to lift Silva’s legs. Silva sends all four of them into the corner and crushes them at once before Kurrgan comes in to whip one into the other three. Silva throws Taka over the top onto the other three as this is complete dominance. Back in and Golga tries a seated senton on Mens Teioh but Taka and Togo hit a double dropkick to stagger him.

Two members of the team combine to slam him and four straight top rope splashes followed by four straight legdrops get no cover. A quadruple dropkick has Golga in trouble but a quadruple clothesline puts Kaientai down. The hot tag brings in Kurrgan who takes down everyone in sight and hits a wicked side slam on Funaki. Everything breaks down as managers Luna Vachon and Yamaguchi-San get in a fight. A quadruple chokeslam is good for the pin by Golga on everyone from Japan.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing but comedy, it was overly long, Golga is the only Oddity that could do a thing in the ring…..and I can’t help but love the Oddities. There’s just something so innocently goofy about them that I smile every time I see Kurrgan do his dance. The match sucked but it has no expectations coming in so it’s completely harmless.

Funaki wrestled on Raw, May 24, 1999, more commonly known as Raw Is Owen.

Hardy Boys vs. Kaientai

The Hardys don’t mean much at all and are low level heels with Michael Hayes managing them. Kaientai rushes the ring and it’s on fast. Double teaming to Matt as the foreigners take over to start. Swanton Bomb (not called that yet) to the floor to Taka by Jeff as the Hardys have taken over.

Jeff tries a Phoenix Splash (moonsault with a twist into a 450) but eats canvas. Michinoku Driver gets no cover and it’s a double tag. Funaki and Matt hit the floor and Hayes interferes. Taka takes both Hardys out as the crowd isn’t that impressed. And the Twist of Fate ends Funaki. Nothing match so no rating.

Time for some hardcore hijinks at Wrestlemania 2000.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kaientai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

Same idea at Unforgiven 2000.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki

This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.

They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.

Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.

There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.

Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.

Kaientai would become a regular tag team and speak in some usually funny dubbed English voices with Funaki’s only line being a deep INDEED. Here they are on Raw, January 15, 2001.

K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kaientai/Tazz

Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kaientai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?

And again on Raw, April 23, 2001.

Kaientai vs. Right to Censor

Goodfather/Buchanan this time. The Japanese guys head to the back to get John Elway jerseys to make the crowd love them. They still can’t quite get the lip synching thing right. Paul: “Their lips don’t match!” Jim: “Get out of here!” Another good one: Jim: “The RTC is on a bad losing streak. It’s almost as bad as my broadcast partner’s losing streak with women.” This commentary is on tonight. The RTC fights them off early but it breaks down fast. Buchanan gets crotched but manages to catch a diving Taka. Funaki dropkicks Taka down onto Buchanan and hooks the foot for the surprise pin. This was again nothing.

Time to hit the syndicated shows with Metal on January 26, 2002.

Funaki vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn gets rolled up for a pair of twos to start and Funaki nails him with a low dropkick to the head. Things slow down a bit as Saturn takes a breather, only to come back with a superkick for two. Funaki gets hammered even more and sent flying with an overhead belly to belly. A quick Majistral cradle gets two on Saturn and Funaki follows it up with a high cross body. Coach and Kelly are talking about racism and dancing the Charleston before Funaki gets caught in a kneeling shoulder hold (called the Rings of Saturn here but not the traditional hold) for the submission.

Rating: D. They knew they were on a show no one was going to watch here and wrestled accordingly. This was a glorified squas that just kept going despite it not having any real interest. Saturn is a guy that can go when he’s motivated but that certainly wasn’t the case here. Is it any real surprise that he was gone in a few months?

He would get a singles match at Rebellion 2002.

Funaki vs. Crash Holly

See what I mean about not the most interesting matches? This is Crash’s UK debut apparently. The fans are WAY behind Funaki here. Fast start which doesn’t really get us anywhere. Crash pulls out a Japanese flag (called the British flag by the idiotic announcers) bandana and it’s a kung fu match apparently.

Crash takes over and we hit the chinlock. This show is getting very boring very quickly indeed. Apparently the winner of this might get a Cruiserweight Title shot. Both get rollups for two. Crash attempts an Oklahoma Roll but Funaki lays down on him and gets the pin. This was another rather short match with nothing special about it at all.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match or anything but sweet goodness this has been a boring show and this match didn’t help it. The problem is that there’s no point to this and it’s nothing but filler and everyone knows it. Not a bad match or anything like I said but it would be nice to have something actually matter.

Time for a tag match on Smackdown, April 3, 2003.

Tajiri/Funaki vs. Team Angle

Haas and Benjamin are Tag Team Champions but this is non-title. The champions clean house to start and Benjamin offers a mock bow to Funaki. Tajiri comes in for some jumping jacks and makes things even worse for his partner. A hard double back elbow puts Funaki down and Haas tells him to tag his partner. Tajiri cleans house with his kicks to the face but Charlie takes him down with a belly to back suplex for two.

Benjamin jumps over Haas’ back to land on Tajiri for two more and we hit the Boston Crab. Funaki finally makes a save so Tajiri can hit a double handspring elbow to put the champions down. A hot tag brings in Funaki for some chops and a high cross body for two on Haas. Everything breaks down and Shelton charges into the Tarantula. Haas escapes the tornado DDT though and Benjamin chop blocks Funaki, setting up the Haas of Pain for the submission.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here even though I like most of the guys in the match. Funaki didn’t do much in this one and it brought the match down a little bit. Haas and Benjamin were fresh off keeping the titles at Wrestlemania and needed a new team to beat up so why not go the ethnic route?

Back to the hardcore days at Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny.

There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

We’re going to jump a good bit ahead for a glorified thank you at Armageddon 2004.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Funaki won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. Spike is heel here. Technical stuff to start with Funaki working on the arm a bit. Funaki gets him to the floor and hits a baseball slide for two. Funaki slams him off the top and gets a low dropkick for two. Spike goes up and is caught rather quickly with Funaki trying to suplex him down to the floor. That of course fails so Spike lifts him up and drops him down off the top and onto the floor.

That and a running knee strike get two. With Funaki on his knees Spike throws on an abdominal stretch. Fireman’s carry into a gutbuster gets two for Spike and now to the stretch again. The fans flat out do not care. Funaki makes a comeback and gets Spike in the Tree of Woe and gets a double stomp off the top in the same move, actually waking the crowd up a bit.

Funaki makes his comeback, hitting a bulldog and a shoulder-ziguri for two. Spike misses a charge in the corner and Funaki goes up and still no one cares. Top rope cross body gets two. Tornado DDT is reversed and Spike gets a headbutt to the ribs to take him down. They totally butcher a pinfall reversal sequence and Funaki gets down in time for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Just boring beyond belief here with no one caring in the slightest. Weak match overall as no one wanted to see this match, let alone in the second biggest spot of the entire card. Really didn’t like this, although it did manage to make me doze off for a bit which is a good thing indeed.

Time to put someone over on Smackdown, August 25, 2005.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Funaki

This is Kennedy’s Smackdown debut. Kennedy grabs the mic before the match and doesn’t buy Funaki as Smackdown’s #1 announcer in a cute line. Kennedy shoves him into the corner to start but walks into a right hand and gets armdragged down into an armbar. Funaki misses a cross body though and goes crashing out to the floor. Mr. misses a kind of running stomp but counters a tornado DDT by crotching Funaki on the top rope. The rolling fireman’s carry from the middle rope is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. Decent debut here but the fireman’s carry looked like something that was setting up a bigger move. That’s the problem with Kennedy’s early days: it took him a long time to pick a finisher until he settled on the Mic Check and it made him seem like he didn’t know how to end a match.

Funaki would be put into the Cruiserweight Title hunt again, starting at Royal Rumble 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

And again at Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Here’s one of his less competitive matches on Smackdown, March 21, 2008.

Kung Fu Naki vs. Edge

Edge is World Heavyweight Champion but this is of course non-title. Feeling out process to start with Edge quickly snapmaring him down and smirking. Edge gets bored with the easy stuff and kicks Funaki’s head off to put him into the corner. A swinging neckbreaker drops Funaki again and Edge slowly punches him around the ring. The spear connects out of nowhere but Edge pulls him up at two. Instead he tombstones Funaki to send a message to the Undertaker before this Sunday’s Wrestlemania.

Rating: D. This was more story development than a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Edge beating up Funaki is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone so why not do something like this? The wrestling didn’t need to mean anything and Funaki was treated like the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. In other words, he made the champ look good like he was supposed to.

We’ll wrap up Funaki’s WWE run with this match on Smackdown, January 30, 2009. Funaki is now Kung Fu Naki, who had one of the most awesome theme songs ever.

Umaga vs. Kung Fu Naki

Funaki walks into a superkick, gets crushed with the hips in the corner, and Samoan Spiked for the pin.

One more match at TNA One Night Only: World Cup of Wrestling with Funaki being brought in as a member of Team International.

Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)

Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.

The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.

An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.

Funaki is a guy that was never going to be considered anything serious and there’s nothing wrong with that. You knew he was going to job 95% of the time but it was really nice to see a title reign as kind of a thank you. He was watchable in the ring and had some funny bits at times, so what more can you ask for? Funaki was a decent guy indeed.

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Time for comedy in the form of Crash Holly.

Crash would wrestle under the name Erin O’Grady and get a developmental spot. Here he is in WWF developmental company Memphis Power Pro Wrestling, defending the Young Guns Title at some point in November 1998.

Young Guns Title: Erin O’Grady vs. Derrick King

The title is represented by a trophy here. Before the match former champion Kid Wicked says he should get a rematch instead of King. That goes nowhere and it’s King getting the shot. They trade some fast reversals on the mat until Erin runs him over with a shoulder. A hiptoss puts the champion down and an X Factor puts O’Grady down again. King misses a top rope splash though, allowing Erin to hit White Noise for the pin.

Crash would head off to the WWF about a year later as Bob Holly’s cousin. Here they are at Rebellion 1999.

Edge/Christian vs. Holly Cousins vs. Acolytes

Elimination rules here. Yeah I don’t care either. Edge and Christian are the number one contenders here but this is a number one contenders match. Sure why not. Ross tries to validate the logic here and of course it makes no sense but whatever. GOOD NIGHT I DO NOT CARE ABOUT STEPHANIE!

The Hollies are the superheavyweights at the moment which was a gimmick I always liked to an extent. And they’re already fighting. Edge and Hardcore start us off. With everyone else on the floor, Crash escapes a powerbomb and takes the Clothesline From JBL for the pin and we’re down to the Acolytes and Edge and Christian.

You can hear a lot of called spots tonight. I wonder if that’s a British thing. Guess what we’re talking about now? Just take a guess. When Vince decides to make it about his family, stay clear of him if you care about your life. I love that Farrooq spinebuster.

And the rest is nothing but run of the mill stuff. Christian stays in the ring forever and gets beaten up, hot tag to Edge, Clothesline From JBL, Christian saves, tornado DDT and it’s over. Seriously, that’s it and it took nearly 5 minutes to do that.

Rating: D+. Seriously, I could not care less at this point. This show hasn’t been bad per se. It’s just been so boring and I couldn’t care less if my life depended on it. No one is interested, likely due to jet lag or something like that, the matches mean nothing, and no one is going to talk about this show later on. Why should they put in much effort?

They would get a title shot on Raw, October 18, 1999.

Tag Team Titles: Hollies vs. Rock N Sock Connection

Mankind is upset at Rock for allegedly throwing his book in the trash and is sitting on the steps instead of getting on the apron. The cousins double team Rock to start until it’s Crash taking over. Rock’s ribs are banged up and the challengers are all over them as Mankind looks over his shoulder into the ring. Hardcore comes in and kicks at the ribs before a dropkick gets two.

A suplex puts Rock down and Hardcore heads outside to call Mankind worthless. Crash puts on a sleeper as Mankind has taken off his mask. Rock fights back with a Samoan drop and Mankind stands up on the steps. Some right hands put the challengers down and a DDT gets two on Crash. Hardcore dives into a Rock Bottom but HHH comes in and Pedigrees Rock with Crash distracting the referee, giving Hardcore the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere and was much more about the angle than anything else. This also gets the Tag Team Titles back down to earth as there’s almost no way Rock and Mankind could lose to any regular team when they’re on the same page. Not a good match or anything but the energy was there.

As mentioned, the team thought they were super heavyweights around this time. Here’s a match where they tried to prove that at Armageddon 1999.

Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly vs. Viscera/Rikishi

Simple idea here: two guys calling themselves super heavyweights vs. two super heavyweights.¬¬ He’s hanging out with Too Cool already but is still serious so it’s bearable. Rikishi is just killing them both here. Tag for Viscera and it’s the same result. This is as much of a squash as you could ever ask for.

They get Viscera down though so there you are. Dang Hardcore could throw a dropkick. Hardcore hits a DDT but since this is pro wrestling and he’s a Samoan, you can guess how effective that is. Anyway, the I guess faces double team and just massacre them as Rikishi hits his AWESOME over the shoulder piledriver.

When he was debuting, this guy was all kinds of awesome. And then Viscera accidentally kicks him in the back of the head and literally sits there and watches him get pinned. Rikishi is up a second later which looks stupid as all goodness. The big guys fight afterwards and of course the Samoan wins for a bit before the big pull apart.

Rating: C. Seriously, what did you expect here? Again, this was a way to get Rikishi some in ring time and that worked fine. The ending set up his first feud so that gave him something to do. Nothing wrong here but it could have been on TV somewhere. Hard to really complain though as it’s like 4 minutes long and not bad or anything.

It’s time for Crash to enter his element. From Smackdown on February 24, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Test vs. Crash Holly

Test is defending and starts with a backdrop but Crash bails to the floor. They quickly head into the crowd with the fans chanting ELROY at Crash. Test wraps a trashcan on his head and nails him with a chair. Cole: “This is what it’s going to be like inside Hell in a Cell at No Way Out.” No Cole, actually the Cell match won’t involve them going into the crowd because THEY’LL BE IN A CELL. Crash comes back with a fire extinguisher blast and a hurricanrana off the apron back at ringside.

Cue Crash’s cousin Hardcore, who was originally supposed to get this shot. Crash uses the steps as a launching pad but dives into a chair to give the Canadian control. Back in and Test sets up two chairs but opts to kick Crash in the face instead. The pumphandle slam is countered with a low blow and Crash sends him to the floor for a big dive. Hardcore comes to ringside with a chair but nails Test by mistake, giving Crash the title.

Rating: C-. Basic hardcore match here with some fun spots. Crash would bring the comedy that the title had been needing and it made things so much easier. You can only hit someone with a chair so many times while trying to be serious, but then they went the completely opposite direction with the comedy. Still though, it was fun while it started.

Time for an insane title defense from Backlash 2000.

Hardcore Title: Crash Holly vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Perry Saturn vs. Tazz

Matt was defending against Jeff when Crash came in and stole the title. You can only win here by pinning Crash or Crash can win by pinning anyone. That’s a unique twist on multi-man rules. Crash runs into a cameraman during Saturn’s entrance. Saturn immediately suplexes Crash for two. Hardcore powerbombs him for the same. The idea here is pretty clear: everyone is going after Crash one at a time and then they’ll fight each other. Northern lights suplex gets two for Tazz. Remember there’s no point in anyone covering anyone but Crash.

Crash runs up the ramp and climbs the structure (it’s the cool one with the swinging hooks). He’s followed by Matt and winds up getting hung upside down by his knee. Everyone gets him down so Matt dives on all of them. The fans are impressed. Saturn does something to Matt that we miss and a piece of the structure breaks off. Jeff dives off part of it as well to take down Saturn. Matt and Crash head to the ring and Jeff joins them for some double teaming.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with what’s going on. Saturn hooks a freaky arm bending hold on Crash but Matt breaks it up. Even the announcers can barely keep up with what’s going on here. Tazz gets a clothesline and Matt covers for two. The Hardys beat up Tazz and Hardcore on the floor. Hardcore suplexes Crash out there for no cover. There are some signs being used as weapons now.

Back in the ring and Crash dropkicks Tazz down for two. There’s an extension cord in the ring now and all six guys are in as well. Tazz pops the Hardys with a sign and gets two on Crash. C rash barely has any offense at all for the most part here. Saturn suplexes Hardcore and gets two on Crash. The Hardys both have cookie sheets and they clean a few rooms. Jeff hits a Sabu style moonsault on Crash so Saturn can get two. Hardcore superplexes Crash for two. A Falcon Arrow onto a chair gets the same.

Jeff brings in a ladder (JR: “The ladder gets a pop!”) and beats up everyone in sight not named Matt with it. This has already gone on way too long. Hardcore gets thrown into the ladder while Saturn is outside on the announce table. Jeff Swantons Crash from the top of the ladder and Matt steals a two count, leading to a brotherly fight. Tazmission to Crash but Saturn clocks Tazz with a stop sign. Jeff dives on Saturn and Crash steals the pin on Tazz to retain. The Hardys music plays for some reason.

Rating: D+. You can’t say Crash didn’t earn it after a beating like that. The match went on too long though, clocking in at over 12 minutes. The problem was they ran out of stuff to do about 8 minutes in, so from about that far in until they bring in the ladder, this was a lot of laying around and doing nothing of note. It would have been better with less time.

Another, similar match with Crash challenging at Unforgiven 2000.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki

This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.

They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.

Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.

There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.

Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.

Crash would get a non-hardcore title match at Rebellion 2000.

European Title: Crash vs. William Regal

Well if nothing else we can look at Molly whose looks are so overlooked. Regal is defending here if I didn’t mention that earlier. Bigger pop for Crash which says a lot about Regal’s ability to draw heat. Regal talks some more and more or less is the British version of Kurt Angle, claiming to be the British hero but being a total jerk about it the entire time. Crash jumps him (see what I was talking about?) while he is wrapping up and here we go.

Regal hits Cena’s spin out slam and takes over, throwing out that stereotypical British wave. Regal throws out a big boot. Does that move make any sort of sense at all coming from him? There’s a running joke in this match about Taz not knowing if England is a city or a country. We praise Crash for a bit to mess with my head somewhat.

Crash starts his comeback and hits a jumping back elbow and a rana for two. Regal counters a headscissors and we get a Dusty Finish with Crash getting his foot on the ropes but the three going down anyway. Molly hits a missile dropkick while the referee is explaining things to Chimmel and Crash gets the pin and the title. Regal steals the belt back and leaves with it. He’d get it back properly at Raw in two days.

Rating: D. Not a very good match as it just kind of flew by. The ending was to do nothing but give the fans a feeling like something happened, but I kind of wonder how much they really liked it. This was more or less a Raw level match and nothing of note happened in it until the very end. Didn’t like this.

Crash would get a shot at the pretty meaningless Light Heavyweight Title on Heat, March 13, 2001.

Light Heavyweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Crash

Feeling out process to start until Dean sends him shoulder first into the post to take over. We hit the chinlock as we see the fans watching this from WWF New York. Dean stomps away in the corner and gets two off a belly to back suplex. Crash fights out of a superplex attempt and nails a missile dropkick. Malenko comes right back with a slam into the Cloverleaf but Molly offers a distraction, only earning her a kiss from Ladies Man Dean Malenko. The referee gets distracted, allowing Molly to hit the Molly Go Round, allowing Crash to grab a rollup for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Dean dominated here but there comes a point where you can’t have Crash beat him clean given how solid Dean had gotten. The Ladies Man thing really didn’t work for Malenko but at least it was a try for him. Crash wouldn’t do much with the title, eventually dropping it to newcomer Jerry Lynn.

We’ll go back to tagging for a big here on Raw, May 21, 2001.

Dudley Boys vs. Hollies

Molly isn’t tall enough to be the Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress and I don’t know of any Bus Stops in Dudleyville. That’s all the Hollies songs I know so no more references. Big brawl to start and Hardcore is sent outside so double teaming ensues. Bubba vs. Crash officially gets us going. Off to Bob vs. D-Von as the fans want tables. Spike and Molly are near each other on the floor which distracts D-Von, giving the Hollies the advantage.

Heyman is making Jewish references which are probably pushing the limits a bit too far. Suplex gets two. Hardcore’s dropkick is still sweet to watch. Crash gets a DDT for two. Bubba gets the hot tag and there’s What’s Up to Bob. It’s Table Time and JR asks why it’s always D-Von that has to get the tables. Spike tries to convince Bubba not to use it but Crash hits a baseball slide to send it into their faces. Crash tries to use the bell but Molly breaks that up. The bell winds up in the ring and upside D-Von’s head for the pin.

Rating: C-. The Hollies were an interesting team that were actually former tag champions, having a totally forgotten two week reign back in 1999. That being said, they were interesting in that they were rarely put into storylines other than hardcore matches or against each other but they were a fairly decent tag team. Fun little match here with a nice surprise at the end, which is usually the best part of a match.

Crash was assigned to a dark match on November 5, 2001. It didn’t go well.

Crash vs. Brock Lesnar

It’s always weird to see these completely raw matches with no commentary. Lesnar is still an unknown monster at this point. He takes Crash into the corner and nails him with a running clothesline as the beating is on early. Brock runs to the corner for what looks to be a Vader Bomb but he just jumps down with a stomp instead. A delayed vertical suplex gets two on Crash but he’s able to score with a missile dropkick. Brock’s power kickout gets a gasp and it’s time for choking. Lesnar shrugs off a dropkick and puts on a bearhug. Crash escapes after two arm drops but walks into a wicked powerslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual dominance by a new monster and Crash was the guy that could make anyone look good. I remember getting to see him do the same thing against a guy named John Cena about six months later. Brock still needed some polishing but the base was there and that was the main part.

One more WWE match, from Smackdown on April 24, 2003.

Crash vs. Rey Mysterio

Crash is a Moore-on here, meaning he follows Shannon Moore, who is an MF’er (Mattitude Follower) of Matt Hardy, who is feuding with Mysterio. Rey dropkicks Shannon to the floor as Matt sits in on commentary. Crash cranks on Mysterio’s arm to start as Matt’s mic isn’t working. Mysterio finally spins out of the armbar and stops a charging Crash with a boot in the corner.

The masked man is thrown to the floor where Shannon gets in a shot with Matt Hardy’s book to take over. Back in and we hit the arm work again but Rey comes back with the sitout bulldog. A springboard seated senton and tornado DDT get two for Rey but he has to take care of Shannon. With Moore down, the 619 sets up Dropping the Dime for the pin on Crash.

Rating: C-. This was much slower paced than you would expect with Crash spending forever on an arm that didn’t seem to have any major injuries coming in. If Rey had an arm injury, Cole and Tazz didn’t let me know about it. Mysterio was still awesome at this point though and could fly around with anyone.

We’ll wrap things up with some of Crash in TNA as Mad Mikey, including this match from August 2003.

Austin Aries vs. Mad Mikey

The fans are behind Mikey as Aries is a no name at this point. A hiptoss puts Aries down and a flapjack does the same. In a funny bit, Mikey shouts PRE SCHOOL and walks the bottom rope for a shot to Aries’ back. Aries sends him into the ropes for some of his only offense, only to get caught by a top rope cross body for two. A powerslam gets two more for Mikey but Aries plants him with a reverse DDT. Austin dives into a boot to the face though and a lifting double arm DDT gives Mikey the pin.

Rating: D. It’s always interesting to see guys like Aries when they were total no names. Can you imagine Crash Holly being a big deal compared to a guy that has headlined TNA’s biggest show of the year? The match was just a squash though so there isn’t much to talk about with this.

Crash Holly is a guy that wasn’t anything special physically but took what he had and turned it into quite a successful career. People think of him as only being a hardcore guy but he was also a Tag Team, Light Heavyweight and European Champion. That’s not bad for a long running comedy guy.

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