Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

With these two huge moments on the card, the main event is being overlooked. Shawn and Sid have well over a year and a half of history built up but they’re finally having a showdown here. Shawn has been WWF Champion since Wrestlemania and defended it against British Bulldog and Vader in the last few months. This match is against another monster, but a very different kind. Let’s get to it.

After a quick look at what’s been going on in MSG to hype the show we’re ready to go.

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Doug Furnas, Phillip Lafon, Godwins

Owen Hart, British Bulldog, New Rockers

The New Rockers are Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and Marty Jannetty. Furnas and Lafon, a team who mainly worked in AJPW in Japan who were better than they’re given credit for, are feuding with Hart and Bulldog for the Tag Team Titles. Lafon vs. Marty starts things off and they trade arm holds, but Lafon avoids a monkey flip. The Rockers are heels here if that’s not clear.

Off to Cassidy who is a better technical guy. Lafon goes after the leg but Cassidy comes back with a leg drag. Off to Phineas who spits into the air, catches it, and rubs it in his hair. Cassidy messes with Phineas and hides in the ropes as a result. A clothesline puts Godwin down and it’s off to Owen for some stomping. Bulldog comes in for another beating but I keep getting distracted by the agents and other people coming in and out of the door to the backstage area at the top of the aisle.

Eventually we get down to Marty vs. Phineas with Jannetty taking over with a jumping back elbow. Marty loads up his Superbomb but gets crotched. Phineas loads up a superplex (JR: “How stupid was that of him?” This is during the time when JR had gone heel for the first time but it wouldn’t last much longer.) but gets shoved down. Marty misses an elbow and there’s the hot tag minus the heat to bring give us Henry vs. Marty. Phineas dives into the corner to stop Henry from hitting the buckle and it’s the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) to eliminate Jannetty. Owen immediately spinwheel kicks Henry to tie it up.

Phineas goes into one of his fits and beats up everyone but Bulldog gets a blind tag and powerslams Phineas to make it 3-2. All three of those eliminations were in less than a minute so I didn’t skip anything in between. It’s Furnas/Lafon vs. Cassidy/Hart/Bulldog. Furnas and Bulldog start things off and Doug is in trouble. Off to Cassidy for a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Furnas speeds things up but Owen gets a blind tag in and hits a sweet missile dropkick for two.

A fisherman’s suplex gets two for Owen and some heel triple teaming has Furnas in trouble. JR goes on another rant about how the two referees are making no difference here. Back to Cassidy who hits a gutbuster but doesn’t cover for some reason. Cassidy misses a charge and there’s the tag to Lafon, who hits a quick reverse superplex to eliminate Leif and get us down to the main two tag teams.

It’s Lafon vs. Bulldog with the Englishman being dropped on his face. Owen comes in with a cross body for two. A neckbreaker and a legdrop get two on Lafon as does an enziguri. Back to Bulldog who kicks Lafon low to keep control. Things break down a bit and Lafon hits a quick sunset flip on Smith for the elimination. It’s Owen vs. Furnas and Lafon with Lafon in the ring to start the last part.

Owen goes after the leg including an Indian Deathlock and the Sharpshooter but Furnas makes the save. Lafon hits a spin kick to take Hart down and there’s the hot tag to Furnas. Doug destroys Owen with suplexes and a release German gets the final pin. Furnas beat him in about thirty seconds.

Rating: C+. This didn’t suck but it didn’t hit a level they were reaching for. Furnas and Lafon didn’t look right here and the crowd didn’t really know who they were yet, so the place was hardly rocking. It’s not a bad match but it didn’t quite work like it was supposed to. Things will pick up soon on this show though.

Kevin Kelly is in the boiler room with Paul Bearer and Mankind, as Bearer abandoned Undertaker for Mankind at Summerslam. Tonight the huge rivalry continues with Bearer locked in a small cage above the ring. This is when Mankind was still relatively new (he debuted about six and a half months before this) and no one knew what to make of him yet. All anyone knew was he could beat up Undertaker which was unheard of at the time.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Bearer has to be locked in the small cage. Undertaker lowers down from the rafters in what can only be called a Batman costume minus the mask. The ring gear is new as well as he basically a biker vest and leather pants. That would become his standard look for the next three years or so. Mankind rams him into the small cage to start and they head to the floor very quickly.

Back in and Undertaker gets all fired up before busting out a drop toehold. He goes after Mankind’s right arm to take away the Mandible Claw, which is the only hold that can stop Undertaker. The Dead Man puts on a cross armbreaker of all things, which is something he would occasionally bust out when he was MMA Cowboy Of Death mode but it certainly wasn’t common here. For the first time, we hear that Undertaker gets five minutes with Bearer if he wins. We head back to the floor with Undertaker ramming the arm into the barricade again. Back in and Undertaker misses an elbow but he sits up immediately.

We head to the floor for the third time via a Cactus Clothesline and they head into the crowd. Mankind charges atUndertaker but gets backdropped over the barricade and onto the concrete. A low blow putsUndertaker down on the apron and down onto the floor, where Mankind hits the elbow off the apron. Undertaker gets sent into the buckle but comes back with an elbow to the face.

Taker headbutts him halfway out of the ring as this continues to be a total brawl so far. Undertaker bites on the Claw hand but he lowers his head and gets piledriven down for two. Mankind loads up the Claw but Undertaker blocks the hands. The Tombstone is countered and there’s the Claw. Undertaker sends him out to the floor for a rare escape from the hold.

Old School hits but Mankind pops up and hits a double arm DDT to put Undertaker down. Mankind goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. The Claw goes on but Undertaker chokeslams him anyway. Cool spot. Undertaker tries a cross body but he crashes over the top and out to the floor. Mankind tries a flip dive off the apron but crashes just as badly and both guys are down. Back in and Mankind tries a quick sleeper, only to be suplexed for his efforts.

Even JR is talking about how much more wrestling Undertaker is doing here which is indeed a strange sight. Mankind pulls out a foreign object to stab at Undertaker. Unlike Lawler’s style, there’s an actual object here for Mankind to hit him with. Mankind climbs on his back in the corner but Undertaker pulls Mankind down and KILLS HIM with the Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: B. Foley said in his book that this is his least favorite of the series with Undertaker, which is saying a lot because this is a very solid brawl. It’s physical for the full fifteen minutes it runs with two large guys beating the tar out of each other. On top of that, it’s cool to see Undertaker work a new style while in an entirely new attire as well. Good stuff here.

Bearer’s cage is lowered to Undertaker but the Executioner (Terry Gordy in a hood) makes the save, only to be beaten down just as quickly. The trick works though as Bearer is able to escape.

Sunny comes out for commentary.

Team HHH, with the Intercontinental Champion as captain, is ready for Marc Mero. Mark Henry was supposed to be on HHH’s team but he’s injured.

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Goldust, Crush

Marc Mero, Jake Roberts, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia

Mero debuted at Wrestlemania XII and is a young, fast guy who can fly very well. The blueblood Helmsley talked down to his one night only valet Sable at Wrestlemania and Mero took exception, starting a long feud. Stalker is Barry Windham as a kind of military guerrilla warfare character. Crush is a biker now and back after a few years off. This is Rocky’s debut, so who do you think the focus is going to be on? Lawler and Roberts are feuding as well and Mero has Sable with him here.

Sunny immediately freaks out on JR for suggesting Sable is hotter. She yells about being natural while Sable is about to melt near the fireworks. As far as the men go, Rocky’s outfit looks ridiculous with kind of a cape but made of streamers that goes over his chest as well. Roberts was a surprise partner and the replacement for Henry.

Jake comes out with the big yellow snake sans bag to clear the ring like old times. Goldust and Mero get things going with Marc cranking on the arm. They both block hiptosses so Mero rolls him up for two. Off to Stalker who is now just a guy in camoflauge pants and a WWF t-shirt. Back to Mero to fire off a bunch of hiptosses to Goldust, who is a bit calmer than he was last year. Rollup gets two for Mero and it’s back to the arm. Stalker comes in and pounds away at Goldust’s ribs before it’s off to HHH. It’s back to Mero to face Crush as HHH wanted nothing to do with Mero.

Mero grabs the arm and for you trivia guys out there, Rocky’s first official time in a WWF ring is against Crush. It lasts all of six seconds before it’s off to Lawler who is immediately punched, kicked in the face and knocked to the floor. You know Lawler is going to go insane with the selling too. Lawler wants nothing to do with Rocky so it’s off to HHH. Vince explains that Rocky’s name is Dwayne Johnson and that he took the name of his father and grandfather to come up with Rocky Maivia.

In the first of many matches, HHH stomps away in the corner and JR is in football mode, talking about Maivia’s career at the University of Miami. Goldust comes in and drops an elbow followed by some rights to the head. Crush comes in and works on the back for a bit before it’s off to Lawler. Back to HHH as Sunny makes fun of Vince for allegedly having a toupee. Rocky pounds away and backdrops HHH before it’s off to Roberts.

Jake beats up everyone but tries to get to Lawler instead of going after the legal HHH. The shortarm clothesline takes HHH down but the DDT doesn’t work. Off to Lawler who makes fun of Roberts for being an alcoholic. Lawler keeps doing it and there’s the DDT for the first elimination. Goldust comes in next as JR makes fun of the lack of tan on Roberts. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Jake jawbreaks his way to freedom. Off to Stalker as JR and Sunny talk about Barry wearing lucky boots. Crush hits Stalker in the back and the Curtain Call (reverse suplex drop) gets the pin for Goldust to tie things up.

Mero comes in immediately to hit a knee lift to take over. Goldust gets in a shot and HHH finally comes in to beat on the other captain. A backbreaker puts Mero down and it’s back to Crush. This is during Crush’s gang member phase and he couldn’t look more out of place with his partners at this point. A legdrop gets two for Crush, followed by a backbreaker for the same. Things are slowing down a bit here.

HHH comes in again and puts on an abdominal stretch. He gets caught holding the ropes and hiptossed out as is his custom with referees. A sunset flip can’t get HHH down before he makes the tag to Goldust. HHH is back in about five seconds later and the camera switches to Sunny. Jake is pulled in sans tag, allowing Mero to hit a moonsault press on HHH for the elimination. That was a very messy sequence with all the tags and nothing happening between them before the non-tag to Jake. Either that or I missed a tag and Mero was totally illegal when he pinned HHH.

It’s Mero/Rocky/Roberts vs. Crush/HHH. Crush comes in next and is almost immediately dropkicked out to the floor. Mero loads up a dive but Goldust makes a save and shoves Crush out of the way. Back inside, Crush’s Heart Punch (exactly what it sounds like) pins Mero. We were looking at a replay when it happened though so that’s hearsay. Roberts comes in, misses the short clothesline and is Heart Punched out as well.

We’re left with Rocky (who actually gets a face chant in MSG at this point) vs. Goldust and Crush. He starts with the one not painted like an Academy Award and accepts a Test of Strength for some reason. A small package out of nowhere gets two for Maivia and here’s Goldust again. Rocky cross bodies Crush for no count as both bad guys are in the ring at once. Goldust hits Rocky low which isn’t illegal apparently but Crush Heart Punches Goldust by mistake. A cross body pins Crush and about thirty seconds later, a shoulder breaker (Rocky’s original finisher) gets the final pin.

Rating: C+. This dragged a bit in the middle, but it accomplished three goals: Roberts got to knock Lawler out cold, Mero got to pin HHH to continue their feud, and Rocky got to debut strongly. The problem is the rest of the match wasn’t much to see. Maivia winning over guys like Crush and Goldust is a good thing because it’s unrealistic to have him beat the Intercontinental Champion and beating Lawler doesn’t mean anything because Lawler is a career jobber in the WWF. Crush is a big imposing guy who is also a jobber, but at least he looks intimidating. Goldust has credentials too and a loss isn’t going to hurt him. Smart booking.

We recap Bret vs. Austin in arguably the real main event of the night. Austin has spent weeks or months talking about how what Hart did means nothing. Bret hasn’t been seen since Wrestlemania when he lost to Shawn. Tonight we have to see if Austin can back up what he’s saying against a rusty Hitman. The hype on this was excellent and still works to this day.

Bret says MSG is holy ground for him.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

They stare each other down in the middle of the ring and Austin flips Hart off. This feels like a huge fight which is exactly what it’s supposed to do. Austin takes Bret into the corner and gives a clean break. Bret goes for Austin’s leg and they go into the corner as well for another clean break. I love matches where the guys mirror each other. JR says neither of these guys have ever submitted in the WWF. That’s not actually true but we’ll go with it for the sake of simplicity.

Austin actually wins a technical battle and cranks on the arm. Bret does the same and adds a hammerlock. They fight for wristlocks and Bret takes it to the mat, working on the arm. Austin fights up and takes his head off with an elbow. Bret stays technical, Austin turns it into a brawl. This is going to have some good psychology in it and the match is going to be fun as a result. Bret takes it right back to the mat and cranks on the arm again.

Back up and Austin drops Bret with a Stun Gun and immediately chokes. Hit the neck, work on the neck. It’s not complicated. Austin stomps on the neck and throat before sling shotting Bret’s throat into the bottom rope. An elbow to the neck/chest sends Bret to the floor and Austin is starting to roll. Back in and Austin hooks a chinlock before dropping knees to the chest/throat for two.

They slug it out with Austin knocking Bret into the corner. Bret comes back with an atomic drop (which Vince calls a reverse piledriver because he’s Vince McMahon and isn’t a very good announcer) and a clothesline followed by a Russian legsweep for two. A bulldog attempt by Hart is countered by sending him chest first into the buckle. Austin loads up a superplex but Bret slams him down and hits a top rope elbow for a delayed two.

Austin escapes a backbreaker with a rake of the eyes as momentum shifts again. Bret gets sent to the floor and Austin just pounds on him with forearms and punches. Austin rams him back first into the post as the attacks shifts to the back. Bret comes back by sending him into the barricade, breaking the thing apart. They head into the front row and knock the barricade over. Austin is in trouble again and Bret chases him to the other side of the ring.

Steve is like forget this defense thing and sling shots Bret onto the Spanish announce table. They fight underneath the table with Austin pounding away. Austin was a smart heel in that instead of standing around, he wanted to beat on Bret even more when he had Bret down. Back in and Austin drops a middle rope elbow for two. A running crotch attack to Bret’s back gets another two and Austin is getting frustrated.

Off to an abdominal stretch and of course Austin grabs the rope. Back up and Bret wins a slugout before Stun Gunning Austin right back to take over again. A piledriver puts Steve down for two and Bret is exhausted. Bret hits a backbreaker and goes up, only to get crotched and superplexed down. Austin has that look in his eye where you know he’s feeling it. Bret hooks Austin’s feet after the superplex but only gets two.

Bret goes after Austin and walks into a Stunner but it only gets a delayed two. It gets another two and make that four. Austin is all ticked off now and pounds away at Bret before getting two more. He puts Bret in a solid Texas Cloverleaf but Bret still won’t quit. Bret makes the rope and the fans breathe a sigh of relief. Austin sends him into the corner but Bret’s knee gives out and Bret’s back hits the post.

That gets two and Austin goes back to the Cloverleaf. Scratch that as he makes it a bow and arrow instead. It’s amazing how much different that broken neck made Austin. He’s a completely different guy here and it works really well too. Austin grabs the ropes to block a Sharpshooter and there’s a sleeper but Austin hits a jawbreaker to escape. Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream but Bret climbs up the buckles and backflips onto Austin for the surprise pin. Steve is stunned, no pun intended. This was a #1 contenders match, which wasn’t mentioned until the ending.

Rating: A+. It’s Austin vs. Hart for 25 minutes. Were you expecting anything but a masterpiece? This match isn’t remembered for one reason: they had a rematch which is one of the greatest matches of all time. This however is liked better by a lot of people and I can easily get that.

This is a pure, hard hitting wrestling match which ends with a wrestling counter. The psychology here is incredible with Austin wanting to prove he can go move for move with Bret before finally getting outsmarted when Austin was frustrated and trying one of his old moves. It’s one of the best pairings of all time and an easy contender for a classic every time they’re together.

Sid is ready for Shawn tonight.

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Farrooq, Vader, Razor Ramon, Diesel

Yokozuna, Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Jimmy Snuka

Snuka is a mystery partner, Yokozuna literally must weigh 700lbs, and these are the fake Ramon and Diesel. Diesel here is more famous as Kane while Razor isn’t famous as anything but being the fake Razor. Cornette is on commentary here and freaks out because of Snuka, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame last night. This is when the HOF was even more of a joke than it is today. Funk and Vader get things going as this match couldn’t be more filler if it tried.

Vader pummels him in the corner but Funk comes back with a kick that misses by so much that even Vince has to say it didn’t hit. Vader goes down anyway. Vader is sent to the floor and Funk hits a moonsault to take him out and send Cornette into heart attack mode. Back in and Vader powerbombs him down but it’s off to Yokozuna. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Farrooq vs. Savio. This is Farrooq’s debut with the Nation of Domination which is just him at this point.

Razor comes in and JR, the guy that brought them in, wants nothing to do with them. JR says he’d be a better manager than Cornette would. Cornette: “You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” JR: “I could if you were in town.” Razor can’t do the fall away slam so it’s off to Diesel. Remember that this is New York City so guess how well this is received. Diesel pounds on Funk, Funk fires back, Diesel knocks him down and the fans are getting restless in a hurry.

Funk tries a sunset flip but gets chokebombed for his efforts. Off to Farrooq who gets flipped around by Funk but Flash walks into a snap spinebuster. Here’s Vader for some mauling before Savio gets the tag. Off to Snuka who charges into a Diesel knee. Vader vs. Snuka now and Superfly actually slams him.

Off to Savio who gets beaten up by Farrooq on the floor. Back in and Diesel Jackknifes Snuka for the first elimination. Off to Snuka vs. Ramon now with Snuka slamming him down and hitting the Superfly Splash for the elimination. Then everyone brawls in the ring and EVERYONE is disqualified at the same time.

Rating: F. There was no reason for this match to happen, Ramon and Diesel were STUPID, Yokozuna was disgustingly fat, Farrooq was a waste of a debut, Snuka isn’t a good surprise at all. There’s nothing to see here and it was one of the worst matches I can remember in a long time. Also it’s less than ten minutes long, making it the shortest Survivor Series match ever.

We recap Sid vs. Shawn. They used to be partners and now they’re fighting over the title. Sid is nuts and that’s about it.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Shawn is defending. Sid’s name in pyro was always cool. The fans aren’t all that thrilled with Shawn but it’s not booing. Shawn charges at Sid and is immediately knocked down with right hands. The champ stands in one place and punches even faster which apparently is ok. Off to a headlock on the mat but Sid NIPS UP and pounds away. There’s a gorilla press attempt but Shawn lands on his feet. Sid tries the powerbomb (big POP) but Shawn bails to the floor.

Back in and Shawn takes out the knee before hitting a Robinsdale Crunch (it’s a leg lock with Shawn jumping to crush the knee). The fans chant for Sid. Off to a Figure Four for a while before Sid rolls it over. Shawn goes for the hold again but Sid kicks him shoulder first into the post. Sid slows things down and starts firing off some kicks to the head and ribs.

Shawn avoids a charge into the corner and goes after the knee some more. Sid kicks him into the ropes and Shawn skins the cat, but Sid clotheslines him right to the floor. Shawn gets dropped on the barricade for two back inside. Sid hits a few running kicks to the head in the corner as things slow down again. Michaels avoids a charge in the corner and goes up, with the fans openly booing him now.

The champ dives into a backbreaker for two and Shawn can barely get up. Shawn fights up and turns it into a slugout with Sid going down. We get the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot and Sid puts on a cobra clutch. Shawn fights up but walks into a chokeslam. The place is exploding for Sid here. The powerbomb is countered into a small package for two but Sid gets the same off a powerslam.

Shawn nips up and is immediately clotheslined down to a BIG pop. Sid grabs a camera and blasts Jose Lithario (Shawn’s manager) in the chest for no apparent reason. Shawn superkicks Sid down but stops to look at Jose instead of covering. The referee goes down somewhere in there and Shawn gets hit with the camera as well. Back inside Sid powerbombs Shawn down for the pin and the title. Girl in the front row: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Rating: B. Shawn’s heart wasn’t in this at all and that was clear throughout the match. His eyes didn’t have it in there anymore and it’s really no surprise that after February he would take time off to find his smile. This was good stuff for the most part but the ending seemed overdone. Little trivia for you: this is Sid’s first title in the WWF or WCW. You would have thought he would have gotten something before then, given the PPVs he main evented.

Shawn scrambles to the back to check on Jose.

Overall Rating: B+. There’s some awesome stuff on here with a lot of historical stuff in there too. There’s one really bad match but it only lasts ten minutes or so. Other than that, this show is pretty much golden. Solid show overall but the company was entering a dark age with the NWO destroying them. That being said, the Austin vs. Bret feud would continue for almost a year and would keep the promotion alive once they hit the double turn in the spring. Good show here and much better than I remember.

Ratings Comparison

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart and British Bulldog

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Original: C+

Redo: B

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Original: D

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: D-

Redo: F

Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Like I said, I liked it better than I rememebred.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1996-bret-vs-austin-the-prequel-and-rock-debuts/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

Now you can see the Attitude Era being born at this show, and it comes from one man: Stone Cold Steve Austin. Shawn Michaels is the WWF Champion, having won it at Mania 12. After beating Bret Hart, Bret left the company for six months and in that time, Austin won the King of the Ring and uttered the most legendary catchphrase of all time: Austin 3:16.

He then began calling out Hart, saying that he didn’t care what Hart had done, because Hart couldn’t beat Austin on Hart’s best day. That’s one of your main events. Your other is Shawn vs. Sid for the title. Yeah that’s kind of an afterthought here. We have our standard Survivor Series matches as well, with the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time here. I haven’t seen this show all the way through in years but it looks very good. Let’s see if it is.

We start off by seeing a big recap of how the WWF has been taking over New York, including the Hall of Fame inductions which they don’t even mention who was inducted so that should tell you how important it was. This was actually pretty good. I’m actually looking forward to this one.

Owen Hart/British Bulldog/New Rockers vs. Furnace/Lafon/Godwins

We immediately start it up here and Lawler is on commentary for this match only. That was a weird part to the show. Anyway, the New Rockers are heels here and it’s Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy, more commonly known as Al Snow. Now I’ve heard a lot about how great Furnace and Lafon are, but I’ve never seen it. They’re not bad at all, but they’re average to me. Maybe I’m wrong. I’ll give them another chance as I have no reason at all to hate them yet.

Oh apparently on the Free For All which was the preshow that anyone could watch, Bart Gunn was the survivor in a match. That’s a really bad sign for the rest of the evening. This is Furnace and Lafon’s WWF debut but they’re big stars in Japan. Ok then. The Godwinns have Hillbilly Jim and therefore are ridiculously popular. Like I’ve said, he’s one of those guys that was popular for a variety of reasons, but the biggest was that he never overstayed his welcome.

That’s something that a lot of unserious characters today need to get. Also, not all characters are going to be main event guys. Look at Kofi for example. Is anyone going to buy him as a main event wrestler? In the ring yes but not with that gimmick, and that’s fine.

Anyway, on to the match. We start with Lafon vs. Jannetty so already Lafon is the bigger name. Marty is just such an epic fail as a heel it’s unbelievable. Lafon isn’t bad at all. He’s not great but I’m not bored with him or anything. Now it’s over to Phineas, more commonly known as Mideon. All of a sudden I’d love to have Lafon back in there. Snow is really quite underrated. It’s a shame he always got such insane gimmicks.

The heels all beat on Mideon which gets a bit repetitive. The problem with this match is getting clearer and clearer: there is a complete lack of star power out there. I have no desire to see these guys wrestle each other at all. Ross is getting very heel-esque here with a lot of his lines. I’m assuming another failed attempt at making him a character would be coming soon. It never worked at all yet Vince did it like three times.

Marty and Henry go out within 10 seconds of each other, the first to a Slop Drop (Scorpion Death Drop) and Henry to a spinning heel kick by Owen. Well that was quick and not incredibly painful I suppose. Phineas has one of his weird fits where he becomes unstoppable and somehow even worse than he usually was. It’s very similar to Festus after the bell ringing. What is it with hillbillies and moods like that? It’s rather stupid.

Anyway, he walks into the powerslam from Davey and it’s 3-2. Furnace comes in and botches a dropkick. I’m not sure whose fault that was, but Bulldog was supposed to hold the ropes I think. Furnace landed on Bulldog’s back. It looked odd and was clearly a blown spot. Owen lands a Perfectplex. That’s just odd to see.

JR asks if he’s the only one thinking here as the referees are messing up by having the outside referee do nothing at all. Vince sounds so utterly bored that it’s downright laughable. Upon me actually thinking, Ross was indeed in the middle of a heel angle here. Considering it took me 10 minutes to remember that, you can tell how effective it was. Lafon hits a sick looking reverse suplex from the middle rope to end Cassidy and it’s the tag champions against Furnace and Lafon.

Bulldog hits a nip up. That was surprising. Ross says he looks strong. That…doesn’t make much since. The heels beat up on the faces for awhile until we get a slugfest between Lafon and Bulldog. In a perfectly fluid moment, Bulldog casually kicks him in the balls. That was a sweet heel move. Ross of course screams how awful the referees are.

Lafon gets Bulldog with a quick rollup to make it 2-1 and I think we can see the ending coming already. Owen gets the Sharpshooter as Ross is really getting annoying. Furnace breaks it up. Both guys are down after a sweet looking spin kick by Lafon to counter Owen. Furnace is in and he’s pretty good. He hits a bad release German suplex though where you can see that Owen’s head doesn’t actually hit the mat as he flips over. It was bad looking but most people won’t notice that so it’s fine.

Rating: B-. I’m not sure if I get the point of this match. I know it was to get Furnace and Lafon over, but did it need the other four guys? This could easily have been just a regular tag match, maybe non title or have ended with the heels running away etc. The wrestling was ok, but I found it to be overkill.

A certain rookie is nervous but ready. That takes two minutes to say.

We go to the boiler room with Mankind and Paul Bearer who say Taker won’t get their hands on Bearer. Foley had this character at a completely scary level.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

The catch here is that Bearer is in a cage above the ring. This was a white hot feud at the time as Mankind was a different kind of opponent for Taker for one reason: he might have been able to take a bigger beating than Taker which was unheard of. No matter how much he beat on him, Taker couldn’t get rid of Mankind. They traded wins in gimmick matches and regular matches, but Taker just can’t end him. That’s a nice touch and change of pace.

This is I think their 4th match on PPV. Bearer won’t get in and Ross thinks that it’s because he can’t fit in it. The gong goes off and the people freak out. Considering this is being written the night after Breaking Point, allow me: YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! Oh that felt good. Anyway, his entrance is over the top even for him. He comes down from the rafters with his arms spread and his cape, yes it’s a cape, out behind him.

Yes, it’s the Undertaker imitating Batman. Just picture that for a minute. Where’s Doink when we need him? Did I really just say that? See what this show is doing to me and we’re 30 minutes into it. Bearer hides in the cage as we get underway. There’s a cage cam and Ross is way too excited about it. Taker’s outfit looks like it’s leather and shiny. Taker is not only Batman but apparently a dominatrix.

This was the very beginning of a new phase in Taker’s career as he began shifting more towards the evil monster and more demonic of a character. He shows this transformation by using a drop toe hold. He then goes to a wrist lock and then a Fujiwara Armbar. This is just odd to see. Taker is going after Mankind’s hand, which makes perfect sense due to the leathalness of the Mandible Claw. Taker misses an elbow and is up before Mankind. That’s just sweet.

Taker’s outfit reminds me of Rocky Horror for some reason. Ross hypes up a show in London for no good reason. He sounds like he did in WCW which is odd indeed. We hit the crowd which Ross calls the streets. Yeah that looks like a place people drive Jimbo. Back in the ring, we go to a wider shot that just looks odd. You can see the first two rows on either side instead of the usual closer standard shot. Taker bites the fingers used for the claw.

Call me stupid, but wouldn’t that be like asking for the hold to be put on you? The fingers are there, so why doesn’t Mankind just put the hold on? It sounds simple to me, but I’m no professional I guess. I’ll try to find a new catchphrase as I’m growing tired of that. He fights off the Claw as Ross won’t shut up about the freaking cage cam. The random painted on tear drop on Taker’s cheek is just odd.

Mankind finally hits the Claw for about a second but Mankind is launched to the floor to break it up. I don’t ever recall two guys this big doing bumps this hard for this long of a feud. That’s quite impressive, and the scary thing is their biggest match was nearly two years away at this point. As Piper would say, Old School is cool. I wonder if he liked Will Ferrell.

Foley goes up and Taker just starts popping him with big punches that sound sick. He sets for a chokeslam but the Claw breaks that up. Vince keeps calling the chokeslam the Goozle. What in the world is that? It sounds like a screwed up version of Google. Eventually he breaks it and chokeslams Mankind. Why didn’t he just bite him like he did earlier? Have some consistency please, I beg of you. Mankind misses a forward roll to the floor.

If he had done a barrel roll he would have hit it. Vince, stop suggesting things. I would suggest you shut up immediately. Who told you that you could commentate well? I want them shot. Foley has some weird spike thing. It sounds like he’s saying s a t. I never got the point of his babbling but I liked it. It added a weird something to his character that made him somehow even more insane, if that’s possible.

Anyway, as Mankind pounds on him, Taker just casually picks him up and tombstones him to end this. That was abrupt. Bearer is lowered down but the Executioner runs out to save Paul. He gets the quickest beating ever as the heels all leave. This led to a one off bad match between the two at an In Your House where Taker beat him up with relative ease.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t one of their better matches. That’s the problem that these two had: they had to top their last match every time and eventually they’d have something like this. It’s a good match, but by comparison it’s not much at all. Either way, this was pretty good I guess. It’s certainly passable, but the ending came from absolutely nowhere, which isn’t something I tend to like. Still, this was fine.

Sunny comes out for commentary on the next match with her very catchy song.

HHH’s Team vs. Marc Mero’s Team

Mero: Stalker (Barry Windham), Jake Roberts, Rocky Maivia
HHH: Crush, Goldust, Jerry Lawler

HHH is Intercontinental Champion here, which he would soon lose to Rocky. This is Rocky’s debut with the company and he’s just SO happy to be here. That would become his gimmick: he’s getting beaten up a lot, but he’s happy to be here. Eventually he would win the IC belt, and he was still happy. He lost it and he wouldn’t stop smiling. Then the crowd told him to die, and a gimmick change was needed.

The Rock was born and the rest is pure history, as opposed to unpure history which isn’t pure. We get a quick interview from the heels which is all standard stuff. Lawler’s music is so freaking snobbish that it’s awesome. He would more or less retire soon after this and just become an announcer. Ross says he is having a hard time getting a raise from Vince. That’s just weird to hear this early. HHH’s belt is white as apparently he’s channeling Warrior.

Sunny and Ross get into it as Sunny points out there’s no woman with HHH. Ross of course is ticked off at this because that’s what Ross does. He doesn’t have his hat either. Ross as a heel is just awful because he’s a whiny little an. Stalker is wearing a WWF t-shirt. I have no idea what this gimmick was supposed to be, but it completely failed. Mark Henry was supposed to be on the face team, but he’s been replaced by Jake Roberts.

I guess Mero was captain leading into this? Roberts was doing the preacher thing at this point and has the big yellow snake out. Jake’s music never got old to me. He did but his music didn’t. The alcohol jokes begin already. These intros are taking WAY too long. We cut to a shot outside the arena for no apparent reason other than to say we’re LIVE.

We start (finally) with Mero and Lawler. Windham has a handlebar mustache going on. It’s blonde, making it look very creepy indeed. Ok, no contact is made and Stalker is tagged in. I hate this match already. Lawler tags out. Stalker tags Mero which makes HHH run. There has still been zero contact. Sunny is talking about how downloaded she is and HOLY CRAP THEY’RE FIGHTING! Apparently Mr. Perfect is gone again as Helmsely threw him out or something.

Now it’s Stalker who is sloppy beyond belief. Oddly enough he’s a former world champion. Dang there’s a lot of gold in this. Ok so it’s just HHH and Rocky that had a lot but they make up for the rest. Again, Mero gets tagged in and HHH runs. This is just stupid. I get that it’s a heel tactic, but I want to see some wrestling, not a track meet. Why is Crush in this match? I don’t get it.

He would be joining the Nation soon enough, but at this point he has zero going on for him. I have no idea why he’s in this match either. Rocky vs. Lawler now, and good grief he looks awesome. You could tell they were going to push him to the freaking moon. He gets called Dwayne Johnson here, which I don’t think ever happened again. On to Rock vs. HHH, and the idea that they would steal the freaking show in less than two years in this arena blows my mind.

Everybody gets to beat on Rocky for awhile as Sunny apparently wants a piece of Rocky. Ross makes a reference to Crush being in jail and Vince doesn’t like it. Crush was a dark horse to be WWF Champion and he got sent to jail for weapons issues, throwing Vince’s plans off. If nothing else he would have won the IC Title or have gotten a huge push.

Sunny says Vince wears a toupee which amuses me. Rocky finally gets Jake in and the crowd pops hard. After a brief beatdown and some tasteless Lawler jokes, the DDT makes it 4-3 with Jerry being gone. Considering HHH would be in DX in a year, hearing Ross say he’s all business makes me laugh.

Windham comes in and gets less than no reaction. I mean the crowd is dead. Soon afterwards the Curtain Call ties it up. Finally the captains go at it as this match is just bad. Nothing interesting is happening at all and it’s just plodding through it. Rocky’s debut is the only reason for this match to exist. I just noticed something VERY weird. I downloaded a torrent of this show, but it’s clipped. It’s a tape of a British broadcast of it on Sky.

I found another version online, but the commentary is different. On the British version, there’s a lot of dead air time. On the American version, Sunny is insulting Sable. The rest of her commentary is there, but not all of it. That’s just very odd indeed. I’m assuming that it’s due to something to do with it being in the UK, but I honestly don’t know. That’s interesting if nothing else. Don Muraco is here. That’s just awesome.

Actually it’s not as Muraco is really overrated. This is just dull. It’s nothing but filler stuff here as they I guess have to fill their time quota. We go split screen to look at Sunny. Somehow that’s more interesting than a twenty something minute match. Mero puts out HHH with a moonsault. Oh wait, it’s a Merosault. I wouldn’t want him to speak out against me. Mero botches a flip over the ropes and crashes, leading to a Heart Punch from Crush to make it 2-2.

Less than thirty seconds later, another Heart Punch (which clearly hits Jake in the jaw) puts Roberts out. Well at least the most talented face is left. Sunny makes 2-1 jokes. So let me see: 2 midcard jobbers vs. a rookie hotshot. Hmm I wonder how this is going to end.

The Heart Punch misses and hits Goldust and a cross body beats Crush. A shoulderbreaker ends it as that was the perfect ending. A Coliseum Video Exclusive Interview says he knew he could do it. He’s really weak on the mic here, but it’s his first night so that’s completely excusable.

Rating: D. This was just boring. However, since it’s Rock’s debut, it’s certainly something that people should take a look at maybe once. He looked great out there in his first match in the big leagues and there was no sign of being nervous. The win was perfect because it didn’t make the bigger star, Goldust, look weak because Crush, another big star, did the damage that led to his elimination. As for the other six, it was a waste of 20 minutes.

We hit the recap of Austin vs. Bret and this looks great. The idea is simple: Bret represents tradition and old school, Austin represents the opposite. Austin calls him out repeatedly, and this is the showdown. That’s as basic as it gets. Apparently this is a #1 contender match also.

Austin says he’ll win.

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

The fans are starting to cheer Austin a bit. Bret says that he’s here for respect. JR says that he’d love to see this come down to a submission style match. Either he knew what was coming in 6 months or he’s a wrestling genius. Vince must have told him. Anyway, Bret gets a very good pop. It explodes when he hits the arena. The fireworks go off and you know this is going to be freaking epic to say the least.

The opening staredown looks like something out of a movie as the camera is positioned so that only their faces can be seen. Austin backs up and his face is replaced by his two middle fingers. That’s absolutely perfect. Ross AGAIN talks about how this is going to come down to a submission and says neither have tapped. That’s nonsense as Austin had tapped to a Sharpshooter on a tour in Kuwait that was taped before this match happened, but it’s WWF so it’s ok.

Why can’t this end in a pin? I don’t get that at all. Vince mentions someone putting the Sharpshooter on Bret and him tapping to it. This is either the most predictable company in wrestling history, or Vince made a lot of long term plans. Bret had been saying that Austin was the best wrestler in the world leading up to this match, and they start on the ground. That’s interesting to see from Austin.

He’s considered to be nothing but a brawler, but he doesn’t get nearly enough credit for what he can do on the mat. Vince tries desperately to convince us that Austin’s athleticism is the reason he’s getting cheered.

He just wouldn’t accept that the fans were changing and it nearly buried him. Ross says that Hart has done everything in Madison Square Garden other than beat Austin. Ok wait a minute. So, the only thing he hasn’t done is beat Austin? Has he beaten HHH? Rocky? How about has he staged a Broadway revival of Porgy and Bess? Apparently he has since the only thing he hasn’t done here is beat Austin.

Stone Cold is doing some SWEET mat work here, but Ross refuses to give him credit for it, saying he’s just brawling. You know, I hate Jim Ross. I think I always have. He’s this smug jerk that thinks because he’s been in wrestling forever that he’s owed something. Screw you Jim Ross. Grow up already. All you do is cheer for your friends and the people that kiss up to you backstage and other than that you’re just a ticked off, grumpy old man.

You sit around whining and complaining about how no one respects you and how you’re just doing your job. No you fat tub of goo. Your job is to call wrestling matches, not to be this son of a gun that tries to be the show. I don’t care how many freaking historic moments you’ve called, I don’t care how many times you’ve been named announcer of the year, I don’t care what you’ve had to put up with.

No announcer is more important than any wrestler and you need to get off your soapbox and do your job like an adult should. Until then, stop wasting my time. ANYWAY, now that I’ve ranted against JR a bit, I’ll get back to the match. JR (dang it) says that Bret has been obsessed with Austin for years. Wait, what? Austin had only been in the company like a year and a half at this point.

So wait, Bret was obsessed with a guy that wasn’t even in this company yet and was a rookie when Bret was already a veteran? See why I can’t stand Ross? Half the time he doesn’t even make sense. As Ross continues to complain about how he’s not respected, I’m tempted to mute this thing. According to Vince, Bret isn’t being offensive or defensive. Then what the heck is he being? Swiss?

Tomorrow there’s a toughman contest with Austin and Vader. This would be more commonly known as a hardcore match eventually. Ross keeps going with this stupid submission theory, despite Vince talking about how the Stunner is devastating. Austin’s psychology here is off the charts.

This is Bret’s first match in 7 months, so he’s using a lot of wear down moves to make Bret expend energy. That’s very smart indeed. Austin is doing stuff like fast covers one after another, Irish whips, things like that. They’re doing a very slow pace here, which I think is the way to go. They’re doing the slow build here, which is the right thing to do. It’s an older mentality that needs to make a comeback.

They’re into the crowd a bit as a simple throw breaks the barricade. It’s great to see how impressive the security is here. Now it’s completely down and there’s nothing keeping the fans from running into the ring. Austin fights back and gets a slingshot on Bret who hits the table but doesn’t go through it. Now we’re in a higher gear, but after the build they had it works a lot better. Ross comments on how it always happens to the Spanish guys. Oh how little he knows.

They do two more spots on the table and the freaking thing won’t break. That’s a tough table. The fans are all over this too. Ross says Vince needs to realize that it’s not 91 or 94 in this arena. Jim, I think Bret knows what year it is. So he wouldn’t want to get an upset win after getting beaten on forever? He would rather lose? You just make my head hurt. Austin hates the fans apparently. Geez Ross is talking about the submission thing again.

Where was this talking at Mania? Bret steals an Austin move with a stun gun. Why that little thief. He follows it up with one of the sweetest piledrivers I’ve ever seen. That was great. Bret goes up top for the second time in the match and this time it doesn’t work. We get some WOO chops, which surprises me as I would have thought it was too far north for that. Austin follows with a top rope suplex as these guys are freaking killing each other out there.

He hits the Stunner but pulls Bret away from the ropes which gives Bret the chance to kick out and Austin is MAD. He puts a Texas Cloverleaf on instead but Bret gets the ropes. Bret almost gets the Sharpshooter but Austin is out.

Austin locks on the Million Dollar Dream, but Bret gets his feet on the turnbuckle (his feet touched the ropes so the hold should have been broken but whatever) and kicks off, rolling over backwards for the pin. The crowd pops madly as Bret celebrates and Austin stares him down from ringside.

Rating: A+. This is a truly forgotten classic and it suffers because of a simple reason; it’s sequel might be the greatest match of all time. This was a classic example of a torch passing feud. Austin was clearly the future with Bret being the star of the past. This is what the WWE needs to do today with its young guys, but I could rant for days on that so I’ll spare you.

This match did a lot for both men. It showed that Bret still had it, while the announcers did a good enough job of pointing out how good Austin was. It also showed that Austin was indeed worthy of fighting in the main event as he had Bret on many occasions with Bret winning on a miracle at the end.
This along with the King of the Ring speech, the I Quit match and the Rock truck match are probably the combined reasons why Austin took the company over the top in a few years. Anyway, this is a classic and go find it. It’s worth the half hour.

We go to Doc in the back with Sid, who says that he’ll win. He’s just bad on the mic.

Lou Albano wanders out to the ring because I guess he got lost. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame last night. He’s going to do Spanish commentary apparently. Well ok then.

Vader’s Team vs. Yokozuna’s Team

Vader: Farrooq, Fake Razor/Fake Diesel
Yoko: Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Mystery Partner

Ross brought these two back into the company. Again, I have no clue what the point of this was. I’m guessing that it was supposed to be a joke or something, but at the moment the only joke was how low the ratings were. Fake Diesel is Kane by the way. Good grief how many characters did he have to play? Cornette is going to do commentary. Thank goodness. The Nation’s entrance with its own live rappers is just great.

Savio and Crush would soon join the team to make it the better version. Yoko weighs about 700lbs here and would be gone soon. Flash Funk’s girls, the Funkettes, were at least hot. I’m guessing this is his debut. Is there a need to have this match? Yeah it’s his debut. Why are we seeing this match? How was this not on the Free For All? He’s wearing yellow and red, which Ross says has never looked better in the Garden.

If you weren’t getting your face kicked in, that would be a great line. The mystery partner is Jimmy Snuka. Seriously? Cornette is PANICKING. So let me get this straight. We have a guy that wears 700lbs, a pimp, an old guy, and a career jobber vs. two fakes and a pair of former WCW Champions. Please, be quick. We start with Flash and Vader as apparently Snuka is a big deal.

He never won anything of worth and he’s old, yet he’s the best worker on his team. Let that sink in for a bit. Scratch that. 2 Cold Scorpio is better, but this is Flash Funk isn’t it? Never mind, Snuka takes it. I might as well not watch the match and just listen to Cornette. He’s miles more entertaining and interesting here.

Yoko comes in to stop Vader and it’s just embarrassing. All he can really do is punch and waddle. Farrooq is in his standard stuff now and looks far more intimidating. They really had something with him but they never pulled the trigger for some reason.

Ross says he could manage Vader better than Cornette. “You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” “I could if you were in town Cornette!” Can we just let Ross and Cornette argue all night long? Yoko’s tights might house a small city. Kane wrestling as Diesel is rather intriguing. Oddly enough, Kane uses the Punjabi Plunge on Funk, which is ironic at the moment since Kane has been feuding with Khali.

Funk is taking a beating here as Farrooq hits a SWEET spinebuster. Vader is called a great garbage man by Cornette which makes perfect sense in context. I’d write the line out but that would mean pausing the match and I don’t have enough heroin and cocaine to get me through the extra time. Snuka comes in and chops Kane. Snuka actually slams Vader with relative ease. That’s surprising.

Savio and Diesel are in now and shockingly, Vega botches a move, in this case the spinwheel kick, somehow going too high with it. Yes, he went too high on Kane. Diesel has to drop low early to get hit by it on the way down and it just looks awful. In other words, the kick was supposed to hit him at its highest point in the jaw. Instead Kane started falling before the foot did and the foot hit him on its way down, if that makes sense.

Savio goes out to a decent Jackknife. Not great, but since he rarely used it, not bad. Superfly Splash ends Razor, and then as Jimmy is celebrating, Kane blasts the tar out of him with a chair. In a botched moment, you can see Savio running through the door literally the second the chair connects, chair in hand.

The timing was off there but I get what they were going for. Anyway, everyone comes in and it’s a massive disqualification, so the match is over. Are you serious? At least we get some awesome chair shots in this brawl. Ross says it was a premature DQ. After two chair shots in front of the ref, it’s not enough. And you wonder why I can’t stand him.

Rating: D-. This was an absolute waste of 10 minutes. They couldn’t have done a quick…I don’t know…ANYWHING else but this? Let’s see. Vader wasn’t doing anything here, two guys are part of a big joke, Snuka is retired, one guy is debuting, one guy just got a gimmick change, and one has no story. Maybe this was the best they could do, but wouldn’t something like Funk vs. a jobber have worked better? The only reason this isn’t an F is Cornette.

Standard video package about Shawn vs. Sid. This has barely been touched on at all other than really basic stuff. The video package helped a bit.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid’s pyro is just awesome. Shawn’s is ok but not as good. There’s a kid dressed as Shawn. Oh yay. Shawn’s stripping thing got old fast. It looks like he’s limping a bit. This was a weird time for him, as he was having great matches but they were just random challenges. His title reign was kind of like Kofi’s US Title reign actually. The standard fast Shawn match starts us out as while Shawn is great, he’s a formula guy at times, which is fine, but predictable.

It’s like seeing a great movie that you’ve seen the ending of. It’s still fun, but it’s not as great as the first time. Sid nips up as well as apparently that’s the move of the night. The announcers talk about Jose Lathario for awhile and Vince is clearly uninterested. Shawn starts working on the knees, which is a very smart move as the announcers agree on. Shawn is actually getting booed here, which is surprising. Shawn reminds me of Edge a bit.

He was the undisputed king of the midcard, but he’s not a great world champion. The fans are really hating this actually. Shawn with a figure four now as they compare Sid to Diesel. They get back up and Shawn hits the post. As he’s getting back up, Ross says the post is still standing but Shawn isn’t. Sid kicks him in the ribs which Vince calls a kick in the teeth. Sid is getting big pops. Is New York completely stoned or something?

His offense is chokeslam, punch, kick, powerbomb. What’s the appeal of that? How in the world would he be main eventing Wrestlemania 13? The fans are booing the heck out of Shawn, which the announcers try to pass off as something Shawn shouldn’t care about. Yes, the announcers say a face shouldn’t care about the fans. We follow that up by JR saying it’s great to get the cheers. This needs to end. This is just run of the mill Shawn stuff here and while it’s good, it’s just not great.

Granted that could be blamed on Sid and his complete suckage. Naturally, Shawn makes a big comeback, culminating in him winning a fist fight and slamming Sid, because that’s really impressive don’t you know. The booing is just funny at this point as he’s the total face and no one likes him at all. Now that this match is getting even more boring, Sid puts on a Cobra Clutch because his epically diverse offense has made him so tired.

Sid hits the chokeslam with one hand which surprises JR despite him doing the same thing to Razor last year. Shawn gets a counter to the powerbomb which I legitimately thought was in slow motion. In a spot that made me smile, Shawn nips up and Sid takes his head off with a clothesline. That was great. Sid grabs a camera, which should be the whole match: random camera shots. It would be more interesting than this.

Shawn is up, but the referee feels the need to look at Shawn for a minute and a half so Sid hits Jose with the camera. Shawn gets the kick, but he goes to check on the old man like a stupid face would. The referee goes down and Shawn hits the floor again as we have no help for the old man that’s clutching his chest.

As I type that, JR mentions he might be having a heart attack. Sid blasts Shawn with the camera, leading to the powerbomb and a new champion. As soon as the three hits, the medics get there for Jose. I love that.

Rating: C-. This was a good match, but dang I didn’t want to finish it. It just had no build to it and the title change made no sense. I get that Shawn wasn’t working as champion…but SID? That’s the best idea they can come up with? SID? I will never cease being amazed by the idiocy of some fans.

They cheered for freaking SID. This just had no interest at all and I don’t think many people would argue with me. Shawn would get the title back at the Rumble but then 3 weeks later lose his smile and forfeit it.

Overall Rating: B-. The opener is good enough, Mankind and Taker is certainly fine but it’s one of their weaker matches, the third match was historic but bad, the fourth is an absolute classic, the fifth is laughably bad, and the main event is just ok.

There’s one truly bad match here, as Rocky vs. HHH is enough to raise up the third match. The worst match is the shortest so that’s always good. Overall, this is another show where the good stuff is good and the bad stuff is bad, but it’s worthwhile overall. It’s far from great, but it’s not bad.

A lot of it drags on and on, but when the good stuff is on screen, it’s some of the best there is. It’s worth a quick look if you’re interested, but the Hart vs. Austin match is absolutely required viewing. It did a lot for both men and set up the mega match in 6 months. Overall, the good outweighs the bad here, so it’s somewhat recommended.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 12, 1996
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 6,755
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and my goodness that sounds like a nightmare after last week’s horrible show. Things were looking bleak thanks to Nitro and the NWO at this point but it was going to get a lot worse before it would get better. I would say hopefully they can turn things around before we get to Summerslam but I’m not that much of an optimist. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Ahmed Johnson has undergone kidney surgery thanks to an attack by Faarooq Asaad. He would have to forfeit the Intercontinental Title and wouldn’t wrestle again until January.

Opening sequence.

Faarooq Asaad vs. Skip

Sunny is here with Faarooq, who elbows Skip in the face to start and sends him outside. Back in and Skip’s crossbody is easily countered into a fall away slam as the dominance is going at full blast. As we hear about Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts being confirmed for Summerslam, Faarooq sends him hard into the corner and we get that powerslam that only Faarooq could do. A second powerslam plants Skip as Lawler contemplates a one night stand with Sunny. The yet to be named Dominator finishes Skip.

Rating: D+. Total squash here, and it’s acceptable enough given the circumstances as it’s not like the Bodydonnas are a real threat to win the Tag Team Titles on Sunday. This fits the bigger overall story and Faarooq will be fine, assuming they get him some normal gear. They need heels at the moment so Faarooq is as good as anyone else, though maybe not with Sunny.

Jake Roberts calls in and says the power that saved him will crush Lawler, who responds with a bunch of jokes. The jokes go on so long that they just go to a break while Lawler is still talking.

Crush vs. Savio Vega

Crush is freshly back from prison and his attorney Clarence Mason is on commentary. This is rather different than Kona Crush from back in the day, as Crush looks like a prisoner/biker, complete with forehead tattoo. The beating is on in a hurry with a headbutt putting Savio down and some forearms to the back of the head making it even worse. More shots to the back of the head keep Savio down as Mason talks about how Crush is just being given the chance to make a living.

Savio goes shoulder first into the post (Mason: “It’s all consensual!”) but the middle rope fist drop misses. Some chops out of the corner don’t get Savio anywhere and Crush puts on the neck crank. Since we haven’t gotten the point yet, Crush very slowly hammers away in the corner as Lawler goes on about Vince’s legal history. We actually TAKE A BREAK and come back with Crush holding a camel clutch. Savio fights up but gets kicked in the face as commentary argues in legal terms because that’s what Mason does. A spinning kick to the face puts Crush down but the spinwheel kick misses. Crush finishes with a full nelson.

Rating: F. Oh no no, no no no, no no. This was horrible and Crush looked like he belonged in the mid 80s with his slow motion jobber offense, but then there were all the legal jokes to make things even worse. I’m not sure how in the world this was supposed to be good but you can see just how bad things are getting around here, all while the NWO is just starting up too? Come on man.

We recap Undertaker and Mankind’s big brawl during last week’s battle royal.

Video on the Boiler Room Brawl.

Sunny changes behind a screen and isn’t sure which swimsuit to wear on Sunday. This is a segment hyped up as “the Naked Truth” and yes that’s all that happens.

We look back at last week’s battle royal with the very injured Ahmed Johnson winning.

Ahmed sits down with Kevin Kelly and says the mental pain is worse than the physical pain. His kidney burst and then he was in the battle royal anyway, meaning there is a chance that he could lose his kidney. It isn’t clear if he could ever wrestle again or defend the Intercontinental Title.

TL Hopper/Who vs. Godwinns

Hopper is a plumber, whose theme music is nothing but flushing. On the other hand we have Who, which is Jim Neidhart in a mask so we can hear “Who?” jokes. Bob Backlund, currently running for President, is on commentary to complete the circus. Oh wait throw in some hillbillies and now it’s REALLY complete. Henry and Who start things off with Henry running him over and adding a hiptoss.

You can see all of the empty seats opposite the hard camera as Phineas comes in to slam Hopper. Backlund goes on a rant about improving society by becoming President and WWF Champion. We need that apparently because Shawn Michaels is ruining the youth of America. It’s back to Who as Backlund is now ranting about the Ten Commandments in school and condominiums being used to stop AIDS.

Backlund’s rants take him off commentary but he promises Vince a chickenwing in the future. Phineas suplexes Hopper and let’s jump over to Gorilla Monsoon, who announces that the Intercontinental Title is vacated. Henry kicks Who in the head as everything breaks down, meaning it’s the Slop Drop to finish Who. With that out of the way, Monsoon announces a tournament for the vacant title.

Rating: D-. Backlund’s crazed rants kept this a little more entertaining but egads man. What are you expecting as far as interest from this kind of a mess? This is what’s supposed to fight off heel Hogan? Hog farmers against a one note joke and a wrestling plumber? The match wasn’t the point here. This is the kind of thing that is going to make fans change the channel and that is the case far too often.

Bret Hart, aboard the Wrestle Vessel (seriously), isn’t sure if he’s going to return to the ring and hopes people remember him fondly. Maybe he’ll be back.

We see clips of a Madison Square Garden house show, including some newcomer named Mark Henry.

Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Non-title with Jim Cornette and Jose Lothario as the seconds. Owen wants to make sure that Shawn doesn’t go after the cast on his left wrist so he flips out of the wristlock instead. Shawn nips up to escape Owen’s so Owen slaps him in the face to make things more serious. Owen sends him over the top for a skinning of the cat, with Shawn pulling Owen outside.

That means a big slingshot dive to the floor, followed by a headlock takeover back inside. Some armdrags into an armbar keep Owen down and that works so well that he does it again. After a lot of screaming about the arm, Owen gets up for a belly to belly to take over. Back from a break with Shawn in a camel clutch (how Crush/Savio of them) before getting two off a spinwheel kick.

The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by a neckbreaker to give Owen two. There’s the missile dropkick and we take a second break. Back again with Shawn ducking the enziguri and starting the comeback but Vader runs in for a distraction. Not that it matters as Shawn dropkicks him off the apron and hits Sweet Chin Music for the pin.

Rating: C+. The match was ok but were you expecting anything else from Owen and Shawn? They had some time here but a lot of that was spent on an armbar or a chinlock and then Vader came in near the end. There was no drama about the ending or anything, but at least we got something that was even pretty good on this wretched show.

Post match Vader grabs a chair so Shawn steals Owen’s cast. He also steals the tennis racket that Cornette throws to Owen to knock the Canadian out but Vader comes in to wreck Shawn. Two Vader Bombs end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man this was a bad time for the company and this one came at the end of a miserable taping cycle. What in the world are you supposed to get out of this show? I know it’s the go home show for Summerslam and other than the two main events, what got even the slightest bit of build? Yes Summerslam is a two match show, but could we at least pretend that it’s not a two match show? Awful show here and it would have been one of the all time worst if not for Shawn vs. Owen.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/01/summerslam-count-up-1996-shawn-vs-the-monster/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This really is a transitional time for the company as the major stars of the past are all out of the picture, save for the occasional appearance by Savage. Bret is one of the top stars in the company but is taking a back seat to the more muscular and arguably more marketable Lex Luger. Hart’s time would come though. Let’s get to it.

Vince and Bobby talk a little bit about the concept and we’re ready to go.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor Ramon

IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Mr. Perfect

IRS and Ramon are feuding over the now face Razor’s Intercontinental Title, Martel was the guy Ramon beat for the title, Diesel (a big man and Shawn Michaels’ bodyguard) and Adam Bomb (a good sized power man) are just there to fill in spots, Jannetty and Kid (a rookie who shocked the world earlier in the year by beating Ramon on Raw) are a semi-regular tag team and Perfect….isn’t here.

Ramon talks about Perfect leaving (his back messed up again and he just kind of left for five months) but he’s got a treat for us. Razor has a surprise partner and it’s……RANDY SAVAGE! Heenan LOSES IT and the crowd does right along with him. This is when Savage wanted to murder Crush, who is in the main event tonight. Savage and Crush had been friends but Crush had turned on him and beaten Savage up, over Savage not visiting Crush when he was injured.

Heenan apparently called Perfect no showing this and Vince says Heenan was right for once. Bobby: “FOR ONCE???” Ramon and Martel start things off with Rick working on the arm. They fight for the arm and hit the mat for a bit before popping back up. Razor slaps him in the face and rolls through a cross body for two. Martel gets caught in the fall away slam (BIG pop for that) for two.

Razor hits a pair of atomic drops and a clothesline for two. Off to Adam Bomb who shoves Ramon into the corner with ease. They collide and Razor is knocked down in a bit of a surprise. They have a test of strength with Bomb controlling again before Ramon fights up and suplexes Bomb down.

Martel tries to save but elbows Bomb by mistake. Harvey Wippleman (Bomb’s manager) gets up on the apron and is knocked down, causing a big fight between IRS’ team. Ramon’s team uses common sense and lets them fight. I’ve never gotten why anyone would interfere when their opponents are doing damage to themselves. We get things settled down and it’s the Kid vs. Bomb. Kid tries a sunset flip and Bomb (about 6’8 and 300lbs) has little problem countering.

Off to Diesel who throws Kid around even harder. I’m not sure why they keep putting Kid in there against these monsters. A gutwrench powerbomb from Diesel leaves Kid laying and a big boot does the same. Kid finally hits a spin kick and it’s off to Savage who destroys the entire team, including sending Bomb into Diesel. A slam puts Diesel down and the flying elbow makes it 4-3.

Martel charges in and rams Savage face first into the buckle. Since it’s 1993, Martel’s offense has almost no effect and Savage takes over. Off to IRS who has a bit better luck as he takes Savage into the corner but gets cross bodied for two. Back to Ramon who works on the arm but as he hits the ropes, Martel hits Razor in the back to slow the Bad Guy (Razor’s nickname) down.

Bomb comes back in to power Razor around a bit but it’s quickly back to IRS who works on Razor’s back. We hit the chinlock and the heels switch a few times without tagging. Villains. Off to Macho Man again who knees IRS into the corner. A slam looks to set up the elbow but here comes Crush. Savage sees him and immediately goes after him but is sent back into the ring and rolled up by IRS for the pin and elimination.

Savage chases Crush into the back and looks for him in the locker rooms as the match is still going on. Savage doesn’t find him so we’ll continue this game later. We come back to the ring to see Bomb choking away on Jannetty and stomping him in the corner. Martel hooks an abdominal stretch for a few seconds but a corner charge hits the post and it’s back to Ramon.

Razor pounds away on IRS and hits a chokeslam followed by the Razor’s Edge for the pin and the 3-2 advantage. Everything breaks down and as Razor loads up the Edge on Martel, IRS hits him in the ribs with his briefcase. Ramon rolls to the floor and gets counted out to tie things up again. So it’s Jannetty/1-2-3 Kid vs. Martel/Bomb. The Kid gets sent to the floor and slammed down by Bomb who hits a slingshot clothesline to take the Kid down back inside.

Off to Martel as the Kid is in a lot of trouble. Martel drops some knees on the back for two as Vince says the Kid has a lot of heart. Heenan: “THEN KICK HIM IN THE HEART!” Martel jumps into a right hand to the ribs and there’s the tag to Jannetty who cleans house. Back to the Kid way too soon for a double back elbow and a sunset flip to eliminate Martel. Kid immediately tags in Jannetty who sunset flips Bomb for the pin ten seconds after Martel was eliminated. REALLY hot ending here.

Rating: B. I really liked this match as it was fast paced and a ton of fun. If you cut about five minutes from this, it’s a classic. Having Jannetty and the Kid be the survivors was a very nice surprise and it gave the fans something to cheer for. I really liked this one and it puts the show off on the right foot.

Shawn is in the back with the Intercontinental Title. There are two belts at this point as Shawn was suspended while champion but he kept the belt. That gives us two belts which presents a problem. Maybe we should put them above the ring and make the guys climb a ladder to get them while having one of the best matches ever. Anyway tonight it’s Shawn and his Knights vs. the Hart Family.

We go to a Hart Family interview earlier with Family Feud (game show) host Ray Combs. They all say that Shawn is in trouble for going after Stu recently and it’s going to be a massive Hart Attack.

Back to Shawn who says he’s not ready for the Harts and he makes fun of all five of them, including Stu. Shawn is really clicking as the insanely arrogant heel by this point.

Jannetty and Kid celebrate with Ramon. Savage is off chasing Crush.

Combs is in the ring to talk about the Hart Family being at ringside. Pay attention because it’s amazing enough to have them all in the same place without suing or trying to kill each other. Combs gets in some jokes about Shawn which aren’t really funny but this is filler stuff anyway. Vince of course laughs like there’s no tomorrow.

Hart Family vs. Shawn Michaels/Knights

Bret Hart, Keith Hart, Bruce Hart, Owen Hart

Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight, Black Knight, Red Knight

The Blue Knight is Greg Valentine, the Red Knight is Barry Horowitz and the Black Knight is Jeff Gaylord (indy guy who never meant anything on a national stage). Stu Hart is here with his sons as if there was somehow any doubt as to who was getting destroyed. Ray Combs sits in on commentary and while he’s not incredibly funny, he sounds like he’s having a blast out there and is enjoying himself which is all I ask for from a celebrity. Heenan vs. Combs on commentary is a good back and forth jab fest if nothing else.

Shawn and Owen start but Shawn wants Keith, who along with Bruce haven’t wrestled in years. Keith speeds things up and Shawn gets sent into the interfering Red Knight. Shawn tries to throw Keith into the corner but Keith takes out Red and Blue. An armdrag takes Shawn down and it’s Keith with an armbar. Shawn’s suplex attempt is countered into a small package and it’s back to the armbar.

Michaels slams Keith down and it’s off to the Red Knight vs. Owen. Owen fires off some shots to the arm and it’s off to the Black Knight. That goes nowhere at all so let’s try Bret vs. Blue. Bret hits some atomic drops and a clothesline for two. Back to Keith who continues the armbar marathon and it’s Bruce time again. Off to Shawn with a backbreaker and some elbows to the back.

Red comes in and suplexes Bruce down for two. Back to Black who is the biggest of the Knights and gets rolled up for two. It’s back to Shawn who gets rammed into the corner before Red pokes Bruce in the head. Bruce hits a clothesline and it’s off to Bret vs. Black. An O’Connor Roll and small package get two each for Bret as he takes over. The backbreaker and middle rope elbow get two and it’s off to Owen.

A spinwheel kick drops Black and everything breaks down. Shawn and all three Knights get sent into each other in the middle of the ring and a missile dropkick from Owen pins Black. Off to the Red but Owen works over his leg. Back to Bret and who helps make a wish on Red’s legs. Keith comes in again and the leg work continues.

Red tries a knee lift and hurts his own knee in the process. Some fans chant boring and they’re right in doing so. Back to Bruce who pops Red in the face. The Hitman comes in and we get another wishbone split. Red sends Keith into the buckle to escape a figure four attempt but misses a knee drop instead of tagging. Keith puts on a Figure Four but Shawn makes the save and it’s off to Blue. Those boring chants are getting a little bit louder.

Blue works over Keith’s arm and it’s off to Shawn with a top rope double ax to the arm. The shoulder gets sent into the buckle and Shawn cranks on the bad arm. Back to Red whose leg seems fine now. Rey cranks on the arm around the post which results in more double teaming. Heenan has been ripping the Harts apart the entire match, including a nice jab here: “None of them look alike.” Keep in mind this is as Keith is having his arm destroyed.

Blue stays on the arm including dropping a leg, followed by a hammerlock slam. Off to Shawn who misses a Rocket Launcher, allowing the tag to Bret, prompting Shawn to tag out to Red. Red immediately gets caught in a spinebuster and the Sharpshooter to make it 4-2. Blue comes in to clothesline Bret and both he and Keith are now hurt. Bret is thrown back in and suplexed down for two.

Blue drops a very Greg Valentine elbow and Heenan says he knows who the Blue Knight is. Vince: “Who is that?” Bobby: “The guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” I love you Bobby Heenan. Back to Shawn for a chinlock to kill even more time. I’m not sure how much there is of it left as this has been going long already. Blue comes in for another two off another elbow as Bobby lays into Helen Hart.

Bret hits a middle rope clothesline and he makes the tag to Owen. The crowd just does not care here and the lack of any reaction is kind of sad. A middle rope elbow gets two on Blue and Bruce and Shawn come in at the same time. Shawn goes to the floor and goes after Stu, only to get BLASTED IN THE FACE. Bobby: “I’ve always liked Stu.” A missile dropkick puts Blue down and Shawn’s saving elbow hits Blue as well. Shawn is sent to the floor and the Sharpshooter eliminates Blue.

It’s 4-1 and Shawn is drinking water. All four of the Harts hammer on Shawn and it’s Bruce who gets two off an elbow drop. Bruce charges into a boot and Shawn chokes away a bit. The superkick, still not a finisher, gets two on Bruce. Bruce gets in a boot and makes the tag to Bret to a small reaction. Bret hits a slingshot to the buckle for two. Shawn gets in a kick and it’s off to Owen.

Now here’s where it gets interesting: Bret is trying to get it together on the apron and Owen is rammed into Bret, knocking him off the apron and into the barricade. Owen is distracted by the mistake, allowing Shawn to roll him up for the pin. All of the Harts go to check on Bret and Owen FREAKS, storming to the back and shouting WHAT ABOUT ME! This would start the feud of the year in 1994.

Bruce comes in and drops an elbow on Shawn for two. Bret is still getting up after the crash he took into the barricade. Bruce and Shawn hit head to head twice in a row to really stretch this thing out. Keith comes in with an abdominal stretch (including the toe around the ankle) but Shawn hip tosses out of it with ease. Back to Bret who pounds away and crotches Shawn on the top rope. Bret picks the leg but Shawn escapes the Sharpshooter and walks out for the countout.

Rating: D. This was…….long. At the end of the day it ran 30 minutes when it should have been about 15. The only thing that mattered here was Owen and the future angle vs. Bret. Shawn being in there didn’t help much, but it needed to be Jerry Lawler and without him this didn’t mean anything of note. Not a good match and the length hurt it a lot. They were against things they couldn’t really help here and that’s what brought it down a lot.

Owen comes back and gets in Bret’s face during the celebration. Stu tries to calm Owen down but Owen rants about getting no recognition and celebrates in the ring on his own. Helen, the matriarch in the audience, loses it as well.

Gorilla and JR are going to do commentary on the next match as Heenan and Vince are going to do Radio WWF, an idea which didn’t last long. During the change over, Gorilla threatens to kill Heenan as was his trademark at this point.

We recap the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. Ludvig Borga hit Tatanka with a chair and pinned him with one finger, breaking Tatanka’s two year undefeated streak. Tatanka then got beaten up by Yokozuna. This led to the Steiners and Luger picking a new partner in the Undertaker. This led to an awesome moment with Undertaker opening his coat and having an American Flag inside of it (with 13 stars for some reason). Luger then beat up Quebecer Pierre in a singles match to put him out of the pay per view. The Fanatics added the EVIL FOREIGN Hawaiian Crush.

Here’s Jim Cornette to introduce his team for a very out there match.

Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Titles: Heavenly Bodies vs. Rock N Roll Express

This is part of an agreement the companies had at the time which didn’t work that well. The Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson, a legendary team from the 80s) are the champions and they’re defending against Tom Prichard and Jimmy Del Ray. It’s a brawl to start with the Express being sent to the floor. Gibson is pulled back in but Morton pulls both of the Bodies out to the floor. Ricky follows that up with a suicide dive to take both of them out at the same time.

Things slow down and we start with Gibson vs. Del Ray. They’re going to go very fast in this match and that’s exactly how it starts with Gibson flipping out of the corner and hitting a headscissor takeover before bringing in Morton. Prichard comes in and gets booed louder than all of the Knights in the previous match combined. Morton can’t quite get above Prichard on a leapfrog and he ducks a Del Ray superkick which takes Prichard down instead.

Both Bodies get monkey flipped out of the corner and we get the always dumb looking rowboat spot, where all four of the heels’ legs are rotated around by the good guys. Gibson works on Prichard’s leg and the Express take out Del Ray in the corner before Morton works on Prichard’s leg as well. Tom finally gets in a shot and it’s off to Del Ray who is immediately armdragged down.

In a nice move, Gibson blocks the buckle before Morton’s back hits it to prevent the Bodies from getting the advantage. It’s been all Express other than the first fifteen seconds. The Bodies have a quick huddle on the floor and the fans are bored. It’s Prichard vs. Morton now with the heels taking over for the first time since the beginning. Off to Del Ray who is suplexed down onto Morton for two.

Back to Prichard for some more choking. There wasn’t a tag but that’s why the Bodies are heels. Del Ray hits an Asai Moonsault to the floor and it’s back to Prichard in the ring who hits a powerslam for two. Off to a chinlock as this match is turning into an old school tag match of the NWA style. A Trash Compactor (a kind of spinebuster/guillotine legdrop combo) gets two but Del Ray’s powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana for two. Ricky hooks a small package for another two and Del Ray hits a moonsault press on Morton for ANOTHER two. This is why it’s called Playing Ricky Morton. The guy was a master at it.

A double DDT puts the Bodies down and Morton rolls over to make the tag to Gibson. Now we get to the point of the match: Prichard throws Morton over the top, which is a DQ in SMW but this is in the WWF. Gibson gets confused and decked for his confusion as Morton gets beaten down even more. There’s the double dropkick to Prichard but it only gets two. Del Ray comes off the top with a tennis racket (Cornette signature) shot to Gibson for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was a strange match as from a technical standpoint it was quite good and in SMW it would have been the main event of a big show, but we’re not in SMW. We’re in the WWF here and these people don’t mean anything. There’s a deep history here of a ton of matches with various gimmicks to them, making this a huge feud. The problem is all we’re told is they’ve been feuding for years. It’s the same issue you have with Japanese or other foreign wrestlers: just being told how great they are doesn’t mean anything to most fans. We need to see these things, not be told about them.

Team Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Four Doinks

Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, Headshrinkers

Bushwhackers, Men on a Mission

Ok. I can get through this. The Doinks are all dressed like a clown and their identities were secret until they were unveiled here. Luke comes out on a scooter, Butch has a wagon, the Men on a Mission come out on foot. Mabel needs the exercise so that’s a good idea. Notice that there’s no actual Doink in the match and the fans aren’t going to be pleased here.

A LOUD We Want Doink chant starts up and Bastion and Luke start things off. Booger is a VERY fat guy in a too small singlet in case you’re not familiar with him. Luke bites him on the ample singlet before stomping on Bastion’s foot. Afa bites Butch’s balloon and it’s off to Samu. Then he bites a water balloon and gets rolled up by Luke for the pin. Fatu comes in and Luke hurts his own head off a headbutt attempt.

Booger comes in and drops a leg on Luke and it’s off to Bigelow with a headbutt to the ribs. It’s back to Booger who sits on Luke before stopping for a banana. Another drop by Bastion misses and the Battering Ram puts him down. Mabel drops a leg on Bastion and it’s 4-2. Fatu comes in to offer meat to Luke and takes over, but here’s Mo on a scooter for a ride around the ring. Bigelow comes in and destroys the scooter and Fatu hits the top rope splash….and stops for a banana.

Butch comes in with a bucket of something….scratch that as there’s nothing in it, but Fatu slips on a banana peel as he jumps from it and Butch rolls him up for the pin. Bigelow is all that’s left and he gets to fight Mabel. Bam Bam can’t do anything to the power of fat but Mabel misses a splash. The other Doinks come in and get beaten up also but Butch throws something on Luna. Mabel splashes Bigelow and a dog pile (which is allowed) gets the pin.

Rating: F. For failure, which is one of the few words to describe how bad this was. I am in awe. We had falls from a water balloon, a banana peel and a bucket of something being thrown on Luna. On top of all that, Doink, the point of the whole thing, wasn’t even in the match despite it being a character that could be played by almost anyone.

As Bigelow is leaving, Doink (whose performer has recently changed) pops up on screen to laugh at Bam Bam. The next step in this feud: a midget named Dink of course.

The Doinks, including the real Doink, celebrate in the back. Why the REAL Doink couldn’t be in the arena isn’t answered.

The Foreign Fanatics are in the back and Cornette talks about their battle plan. He talks about how they look at the All Americans as one man. You can take a man out by taking out his heart, his mind and his soul. The Steiners are the heart, but if you take it out, he has no will to fight. The Undertaker is the mind, but if you take it out, the man is confused. Luger is the soul, but if you take it out, you’ve defeated him completely. I’ve always liked that promo.

Before the match, we get a history lesson about Boston. No seriously, this happens. Thankfully it turns into some promos from the All Americans.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques

All Americans: Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

The Quebecers are the Tag Team Champions and have Johnny (Raven Polo) as their manager. Yokozuna is WWF World Champion. Jacques and Scott start things off and Jacques offers a handshake. Scott says screw you in classic Freakzilla style. Scott hits a quick belly to belly for two and it’s off to Rick. Jacques brings in Yokozuna and things slow down almost immediately. Rick hits a clothesline and a shoulder to knock Yokozuna out to the floor but it doesn’t do much good.

Off to Borga to knock Rick to the floor but Steiner comes back in off the top with a shoulder for no cover. Borga misses an elbow and Rick goes up again, coming off with a cross body. Borga rolls through it and Rick isn’t moving at all, giving Borga an easy pin. Rick finally starts moving and holds his leg, so I’m thinking that’s a legit injury. Rick can’t stand up on the floor.

Scott comes in next and gets to fight Jacques. Rick eventually limps off on his own power which is a good sign at least. Scott hits a great gorilla press but Crush catches a falling Jacques and I guess that’s a tag. Steiner wants nothing to do with a test of strength so Crush pounds on him a bit. A butterfly powerbomb puts Crush down and apparently Savage is back in the building. Crush kicks Scott down and here’s Macho.

Crush throws Scott down to the floor over the top but he won’t go after Savage. Randy gets sent to the back and the dull match continues as Scott may have hurt his knee on that fall. The knee gets targeted now with Crush firing away some kicks and Savage is coming back AGAIN. Scott dropkicks Crush to the floor and Crush goes after Savage for long enough to draw a countout.

Jacques goes after the injured Scott now with a rear chinlock followed by an elbow to the jaw for two. Scott somehow hits a gorilla press on Jacques and there’s the tag to Lex. He slams Jacques down and drops a middle rope elbow for the elimination. It’s now Lex, Undertaker and Scott vs. Borga and Yoko. Borga comes in to face the still limping Scott as Undertaker hasn’t been in the match yet.

Ludvig pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yokozuna comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yokozuna eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Luger comes in as we’re almost 20 minutes in with no Undertaker yet. Borga, a Finn, waves the Japanese flag. Yokozuna misses a splash and Lex pounds away, only to get clotheslined down with ease. Off to Borga who runs Luger over again and kicks him in the ribs. Back to Yokozuna who misses a charge, and it’s FINALLY off to Undertaker.

The Dead Man hits his running DDT and sits up but a Borga distraction lets Yokozuna suplex Undertaker down. There’s the situp and another after a clothesline. A legdrop keeps Undertaker down and there’s the Banzai, but Yokozuna goes for another, and Undertaker moves. A clothesline puts Yokozuna on the floor and they brawl to a double countout. See you at the Rumble boys. Undertaker was legally in the match for less than two minutes and forty seconds.

So it’s Lex vs. Borga now and as Undertaker and Yokozuna brawl on the floor. Ludvig has taken over and drops a leg on Lex. A side slam puts Lex down for two and Borga gets more two’s off various other power moves. He isn’t covering well though so he isn’t ready to pin Luger yet. A suplex puts Borga down and they clothesline each other. With Cornette distracting the referee, Borga hits Lex with Fuji’s salt bucket for two. Lex gets fired up and hits a powerslam and the loaded forearm for the final pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work either. Undertaker was the main draw and he wasn’t even in there for a tenth of the match. Yokozuna vs. Undertaker would go on to screw up two PPVs and Lex would never get the title, basically making the second half of 1993 totally pointless. This match didn’t work at all, and a lot of that is due to the heel lineup. Unless there was an injury or something, I don’t get why Pierre was taken out.

Santa comes out to celebrate with Luger just like last year.

Overall Rating: D. Let’s take a look at this card: great opener, WAY too long second match with the wrong main heel, a match from another company, the banana peel/water balloon fiasco, and the main event with an evil foreign Hawaiian. This show comes off as very long and dull, with most of the matches being completely uninteresting. It was uninteresting back in the day too, as this show got the lowest buyrate in the history of the Survivor Series up to this point.

Ratings Comparison

Team Razor Ramon vs. Team IRS

Original: B

Redo: B

Hart Family vs. Team Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: D

Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Original: B

Redo: B-

Four Doinks vs. Team Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: N/A

Redo: Awe

All-Americans vs. Foreign Fanatics

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating:

Original: C+

Redo: D

It was almost the same until the overall rating. I don’t get how it jumps up that high off just a few better grades.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1993-usa-usa-usa/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Gardens, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

So it’s a year later now and there are indeed a few changes. For one thing, Hogan is completely gone. He would appear in WCW in a few months time. Other than that, the evil Yokozuna is now world champion with Lex Luger being his main adversary. That’s your main event here tonight, as it’s the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. It’s a five match card that I remember very fondly for some reason.

There are some very good moments here along with some rather stupid ones. It’s an odd time for the company as they’re definitely in a transitional period here, with Yoko and Luger being the two main guys and Bret not far behind them. None of those three are incredibly huge stars at the moment, so this is a weird time for them. We’re back to the traditional Survivor Series formula though, so this should be a bit better than what we had in the very early 90s I guess. Let’s find out.

Before we get the standard intro, we see Vince and Bobby getting ready backstage. Vince says he smells bananas, which scares Bobby because it means Monsoon is around. He and Ross are doing Radio WWF tonight, which is either brilliant or very stupid and I’m not sure which. This would be Bobby’s last PPV before heading to WCW as well. The intro was an odd one with the skeleton of a building and the logo hanging from a crane. I have no idea what this was supposed to be.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor

Razor Ramon, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid, Mr. Perfect
IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

So the fourth man was supposed to be Mr. Perfect, but for some reason he’s gone. There are numerous reasons as to why he’s gone, but we’re not sure either way. Some say he was in rehab, some say he left due to steroid issues, some say he was hurt. We’re not sure either way, but he wouldn’t be seen again until Wrestlemania where he was supposed to start a feud with Luger, but he was gone after one appearance.

Anyway, Ramon says he has a substitute that has as much machismo as he does. Heenan says it’s some other punk, but as the music hits Heenan freaks out since it’s Randy Savage. The deal with Savage was that his friend Crush had gotten hurt by Yoko so he turned heel on Savage and beat the living heck out of him. Savage was TICKED and would do anything to get at Crush.

They would eventually have a last man standing match (kind of) at Mania. Crush was supposed to get a massive singles push but for some reason it never came. In the end that was a good thing because he was arrested and went to jail for a few years on weapons charges. Apparently Heenan called this sometime before and Vince says ok, ok you were right for once. FOR ONCE? Dag Heenan was great.

Oh yeah why are these people in this match. Shawn Michaels had been IC Champion but was suspended for failing a steroids test (which he to this day denies). To fill the void we had a battle royal with the last two people in it having a match and the winner of that won the IC belt.

Razor and Martel were your winners and then Razor won the title. Shawn kept his belt though so there were two belts. They were hung above the ring at Wrestlemania 10. You know the rest. As for the other guys, there’s no point to them being there. IRS and Razor had a mini feud that was blown off at the Rumble but that’s it.

Anyway, we start with Razor and Martel and Razor beats the tar out of him. Are you surprised? He tags out to Adam Bomb who I was always a mark for. He and Crush would later become Kronik in WCW. They do a test of strength and since he’s a heel, Bomb cheats. Oddly the bad guy is the face here. Anyway, Razor goes for a cover on Bomb but Martel runs in for a save with an elbow.

It hits Bomb and Harvey is kind of annoyed, so Martel hits him. Now we’ve got a big team brawl and for once, the faces let them fight. I’ve never gotten why they didn’t do that more often. When another team is fighting, why not let them do it and get a breather? Savage, being the only true big star on his team at that point, gets on the ropes and plays to the crowd here. And that is why Savage is better than anyone else in this match and better than most in history.

Old guys know how to get things done like that. See, today, most people have a chance like this and they just stand there. Savage, already getting hugs pops no matter what he does, plays to the crowd to try to get a bigger one. That sticks in people’s heads.

Instead of just sitting around doing nothing, he’s talking to the crowd, and there is nothing a crowd loves more than being acknowledged and being considered a small part of the match. It makes them feel special and the more a wrestler does that for them, the bigger star they’ll become.

Anyway, even Heenan acknowledges that this team might not work. Oh great it’s the 1-2-3 Kid against Adam Bomb. He might kill him. GO BOMB! Now Diesel gets to beat on him a bit. I’ve always liked Diesel. Savage gets tagged in to a huge pop. Heenan dubs him Captain Schizo. That’s just humorous. He beats up the heel team by himself, capping it off by slamming Diesel and hitting the elbow to pin him for the first elimination.

Vince says that this match has been confusing. Why is that? It’s been very simple to me at least. In a weird sequence, Savage uses a bunch of left handed clotheslines. That just looked odd. Heenan asks if Vince has ever cheated anybody. Vince says of course not. That needs no jokes whatsoever. At this point, Marty still hasn’t been in yet. Must be a bad coke attack or something. IRS and Martel switch while the referee is with Savage. Of course it is allowed.

Heenan asks if Vince wants to be WWF President. Why take the second best job? This has been pretty solid so far. As Savage is beating the tar out of IRS, Crush comes out. Savage hits the floor immediately and goes after him. While he’s distracted, IRS rolls up Savage to pin him. Crush leaves and Savage chases him off. He goes into the back and we stay with Savage for THIRTY SECONDS.

Dude, you know there is that pesky little match going on out in the ring? You might want to take a look at it. I guess not. I know it doesn’t sound long, but missing thirty seconds of a match is a long time. Think about it like this: Hogan picked up Andre and pinned him inside of 30 seconds. Yeah that’s not important though. We’re back now with Bomb against Jannetty. A Razor’s Edge takes out IRS. For those of you keeping score, it’s Jannetty, Kid and Razor against Martel and Bomb.

We get a big brawl as Razor goes for another Edge, but IRS hits Razor in the ribs with the briefcase. He gets counted out as a result. We now get Kid against Martel, and naturally Kid gets a lot better against a smaller guy. Apparently you beat him by putting out some cookies and milk. He’ll run out and you beat him. Heenan is so brilliant it’s unbelievable. Now it’s standard heel dominance with the faces looking for the hot tag.

That’s very basic but very good at the same time. Jannetty comes in finally and beats up Martel for awhile and then tags in Kid, which makes limited sense but I’m no drug addled professional. Kid pins Martel with a sunset flip and then Marty gets Bomb with one as well about 12 seconds later to win it. That was a fun finish.

Rating: B. This was a fun match. It’s not great, but it’s entertaining and it made sense. The faces won with quickness over the power team and Savage dominated. Also Razor, the singles champion in there, saved face and set up a bigger feud with IRS. That is what these things are supposed to do. Overall, this was fun and it worked quite well, making it a very good opener and a good sign for this show.

Todd is with Shawn, who says he’s the real IC Champion and then he insults Bret and his family. This is miles better than last year as he’s finally got the Heart Break Kid character down. We go to an interview with the Harts from earlier in the day. Ray Combs, a game show host, is the special celebrity here doing the interview.

He’s far less annoying than the majority of these people. For some reason Stu is wearing a Detroit Pistons jacket for no apparent reason here as the show is in Boston. That’s just odd. Shawn says he’ll take out Stu if he gets in the way. Remember that line.

Before we go to the ring, we have a short interview with the winners of the previous match, minus Macho.

Hart Family vs. Shawn/Knights

Bret, Keith, Bruce, Owen
Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), Red Knight (Barry Horowitz), Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord/Glenn Jacobs)

We’re actually not sure who the Black Knight is. If it’s Jacobs, that’s Kane. If it’s not, then this is his career highlight. This was supposed to be Jerry Lawler, but he was up on rape charges (the girl admitted she made the whole thing up), so they threw Shawn in and tried to make it based on the match from last year, which is at least an attempt at a story. Combs does the introductions here, and is ok I guess.

He does some standard jokes about HBK, but this goes on WAY too long and the fans just aren’t interested. It’s not as bad as Kid Rock at Mania, but it’s pretty bad. It goes on about 5 minutes, which is FAR too long for this. We’re at 10 minutes for the intros alone. This is just stupid. Bret is wearing pink. Only he can pull that off. Combs does commentary for the match as well. Heenan is in top form here insulting the Harts.

Monsoon reminds me of my uncle for some reason. We start out with Bruce, so you can tell what this is going to be. He’s a history teacher. Oh dear. Keith, the fireman, comes in. This cracks Heenan up. We see the problem here very easily: the two unknown Hart aren’t very good. All they know how to do is an armbar here and there. It’s just rather boring. Seriously, were Neidhart and Bulldog not available? They would be about a million times better here.

Heenan keeps talking about how Owen is in the shadow of Bret. That would turn into one of the best heel turns I can ever remember. Black Knight in now and Owen kicks his teeth in too. Now we have Bret against the Blue Guy. Heenan keeps teasing that he knows who the Knights are. When asked about the Blue Knight, he says that he’s either the Blue Knight or Bob Barker. This is being written two days after Barker hosted Raw, so that cracked me.

Why are the two unknown brothers wrestling most of this match? Seriously, that’s just stupid. The commentary is by far and away the best part of this match. Combs is pretty good actually. Granted he has no clue what’s going on, but his timing and enthusiasm are there. That’s all I ask: at least pretend you want to be there. Check out Pamela Anderson at the 95 Rumble. She hates the whole thing and is there for a paycheck. I have no interest in celebrities like that, no matter what they look like.

We get a big brawl and the Black Knight is pinned by a top rope dropkick from Owen. Ray thinks it’s over, and I have no issue with that because he’s energetic. He genuinely seems like he wants to be there, and I’m fine with him being a bit off if that’s the case. I’ve never gotten the point of them mentioning that a show is live when we’re watching it. It’s like a commercial for the show you’re watching. You’ve already hooked us, so we don’t need it again.

Vince: Bobby Heenan, you’re a bad man. That sums it up perfectly I’d say. Heenan reminds Vince that this is Survivor Series and Vince says he knows what it is. I wonder if he wanted to say “I know what it is, I invented it you fat blowhard!” Ok, now Keith has been in there forever, and we’re back to the stupid part. He’s been in there like 5 minutes and it’s been all arm work. Why not instead use one of the best sellers of all time?

Oh yeah because it would make SENSE! Heenan makes another great point: the Harts don’t look alike. He’s very right actually. Make that seven minutes. FINALLY a missed Rocket Launcher and Bret gets in to breathe some life into this thing. Red Knight is tapping in about 10 seconds and it’s 4-2. Bret is knocked to the floor and Keith goes over to check him. That makes sense since he’s been beaten on for about 8 minutes and is more or less one armed at this point.

I guess Owen and Bruce were busy? On the floor Stu is trying to rub his arm back into socket, which for once makes sense from a manager. Heenan gets in my favorite line of the match: “Hey, you wanna know who the Blue Knight is?” Vince says he would like to. “He’s the guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” Vince walked right into that one.

FINALLY we have Bret vs. Shawn, 18 minutes into the freaking match. Yep this just makes so much sense. That’s the theme of this match: how much sense can we make? Heenan makes an America’s Most Wanted reference. Combs says Bobby could star on America’s Most Unwanted. We have a rival for Heenan. Shawn does indeed go after Stu, and he gets POPPED. I don’t mean some love tap, I mean Stu smacks the taste out of Shawn and the crowd is into this all of a sudden.

That was awesome and makes up for the rest of this match. Shawn sells it at an amazing level of course since that’s what he does. That was great. Even Heenan kisses up to Stu for a bit. That’s all the proof you need right there. Owen Sharpshooter ends the Knights and it’s 4-1. Immediately, Shawn hits a big kick on Bruce, which is now known as Sweet Chin Music. However, here it doesn’t work.

Wow, Bruce has a tougher chin than Bret. Maybe we had the wrong Hart all along. Bret comes in and beats on him but gets poked in the eye. He tags Owen but walks on the apron for no apparent reason. Shawn sends Owen into the ropes and therefore into Bret who knocks down the railing. Owen is concerned and rolls Shawn up to make it 3-1. The Harts beat on Shawn for awhile after Owen is FREAKING out on him.

They beat Shawn up really badly as Stu tries to calm him down. I have never gotten what Owen’s problem was here. He got pinned. His team still won, and it was his fault that he hit Bret. He didn’t have to look down at him. Anyway, Shawn bails and the celebration is on. Owen comes back and yells at the Harts who leave without them.

This was the beginning of the Owen heel turn, which was excellent on so many levels, with the biggest one ever being Owen pinning Bret clean in the best opening match of all time at Wrestlemania 10. The feud would continue at the Rumble, with Bret trying to get Owen his first championship by teaming up with him to fight for the tag titles.

Bret wrestled with a knee injury and they actually stopped the match for it. Owen was mad and beat Bret up for it, which was the first time I agreed with a heel. It was Bret’s fault, not Owen’s. Oh yeah this match is over by the way. I’m just rambling on.

Rating: D+. This was just flat out BORING. It’s about 75% armbar. It’s a Chris Jericho joke apparently. Keith and Bruce were just flat out boring out there with no real offense at all, which is fine in that they hadn’t wrestled in years. That brings the question: WHY HAVE THEM? Seriously, all of the Harts are wrestlers. Were they all retired? Honestly, Neidhart at least would have made sense here. He’s a half brother and more importantly: HE WAS PASSABLE IN THE RING.

There’s history with him and Bret, and while he would play a role later in the angle, that wasn’t for almost a year. Seriously, they could have fit him in with him siding with Owen over this part of the feud. I don’t get it at all. Anyway, the match was just boring and it didn’t work that well. Shawn vs. Bret was good, but that’s all there was worth watching.

Gorilla and Ross are on commentary now.

We now get a random recap of the main event, despite there being two matches before that. Tatanka, who was undefeated for about two years got beaten up by Borga and Yoko to knock him out. He got replaced by a certain someone that I’ll get to at the time of the match.

To retaliate, Luger eliminated Pierre, which is somehow dumber than Luger is, so there we are. Pierre got replaced by Crush, which makes even less sense since he’s an American and was injured by the heels in the first place, but then again I’m no professional.

Smokey Mountain Tag Titles: Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Now this is a real headscratcher for about 10 reasons. Where to begin? Let’s see. For one thing, the Smokey Mountains are nowhere NEAR Boston. Second, what is Vince getting out of this? Cornette I suppose. Third, why aren’t we seeing the WWF Tag Titles defended here? Fourth, it’s freaking SMW. That just makes no sense. Fifth, why are Ross and Gorilla doing the commentary here?

Anyway, this is a very old school style match with the standard Midnights vs. RNRE formula: faces dominate early, heels take over and beat on Morton FOREVER until the hot tag and the very fast paced stuff from the Express and then the finish. Yeah I know that’s not much to go on, but it’s the generic yet great formula from the RNRE that made them and the Midnights the best act in the world. If you like modern tag wrestling, those four are who you have to thank for it.

It’s a very solid match of course, but it would have been perfect if it was Lane and Condrey or Eaton over there instead. The Bodies were a team that the WWF tried to make cool but they just never could pull it off. SMW was Cornette’s big attempt at running his own company and he did pretty well considering what he was up against. For one thing, wrestling was just bad when he tried to do it, but it ran nearly five years and he did pretty well with what he had.

Heck he’s got matches on Survivor Series. Anyway, this was the big feud in SMW, and while there it was the feud of the promotion, here’s it’s four guys that no one knows wrestling, and that’s the problem. No one knows these people and for the most part, no one cares. Boston has always been a WWF town, so this old school mentality and style is lost on them.

It’s a great match, but they just don’t get it and a big part of that is due to the wrestlers. It’s like Japanese wrestlers in America. If the people don’t get it, they’re not going to care. Anyway, after about 15 minutes, Cornette hits Gibson with the racket to give the Bodies the belts. Yeah that’s about it.

Rating: B. This was good, but like I said, the lack of anything close to recognition really hurt this one. The match is great, but most people that aren’t old school fans won’t like it. That hurt here too as the crowd only popped for big spots, which is fine for the most part, but they just sounded bored. That’s not fine.

The faces say that they’ll win tonight.

Four Doinks vs. Headshrinkers/Bastian Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant is it? The Four Doinks are Men on a Mission and the Bushwakers instead of you know, Doink and three other guys. Yeah that’s what we’re dealing with here. Doink is injured so we get these four. I have no idea which one is the most talented. Actually I don’t think any of them have talent so we’ll skip that part. Oh boy this is going to suck badly. Oh look it’s a comedy match. The Bushwackers have balloons.

Ooo good boy Samu bite them! Wait, what? He bit a balloon with water in it and it surprised him, leading to him getting rolled up. Ok, reasons why this is stupid. He’s a freaking savage and he’s scared of water? Second, couldn’t he see the water or feel the balloon actually weighing something? Booger comes in and beats on the faces for awhile and….there’s a banana peel in the ring. I’m pausing now to take some deep breaths.

There is no way that could happen is there? They couldn’t actually be planning on doing what I think they’re planning on doing could they? Someone tell me that’s not what they’re planning to do. I need to hear someone say it. Ok thank goodness: Booger just got pinned by a big splash instead.

That’s at least reasonable coming from the big fat tub of goo known as Mable. And Fatu just slipped on the banana and got pinned. That does it. Screw this. I have better things to do with my time than review a circus. Keep laughing Vince. I won’t be able to hear you.

Rating: N/A. I review wrestling. This wasn’t wrestling.

Cornette and the heel team have something to say. Cornette cuts perhaps the best promo I’ve ever heard him cut as he talks about the Foreign Fanatics’ strategy for tonight. He says that they see the face team as one man because they’re a unit. The Steiners are the heart of the team. If you take away a man’s heart, he has no energy or desire to do anything. The Undertaker is the mind of the team.

If you take away a man’s mind, he’s dazed and confused. Luger is the soul of the team. And if you take away a man’s soul, then you’ve defeated him. And that my friends, is why Jim Cornette is one of the best talkers of all time. Oh and Johnny “Raven” Polo is in the background. Dang talk about a character change. He would be Raven in less than a year.

Vince decides to give a clichéd history themed intro to this match. Yeah this is dumb.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

All Americans: Luger, Steiners, Undertaker
Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush, Jacques Quebecer (yes that’s what they call him)

First of all, since I love it so much, here’s the way the All Americans replaced Tatanka.

No real reason for that. I just really like it. Anyway, onto the match itself. After about 8 minutes of introductions (my least favorite part of these shows), we’re ready to go. Borga comes out to Nikolai Volkoff’s music. That might be the other way around. I’m not sure. In case I haven’t explained, the feuds were supposed to be Luger vs. Yoko, Tatanka vs. Borga and Steiners vs. Quebecers, which at least makes sense.

Due to either injuries or Vince being really high one night, this is what we’ve got instead. Heenan sees a sign that says Yokotuna. I’ve been calling him that for years and have never been able to figure out where I got it from. Now I have my answer. I knew there was a point to me watching this all over again. We start with more stalling as no two want to start. Scott and Pierre finally start us off. The heels have Fuji, Polo and Cornette at ringside.

In other words we have WWF, NWA and ECW out there. Well no one can say they didn’t incorporate everyone. Pierre offers a handshake and Scott gives the screw you sign. Yep Scott is a great role model. Yoko is world champion here which is pointed out as he comes in. Rick manages to knock him to the floor which is actually surprising. Ludvig comes in now and Rick manages to beat him up. Naturally since Rick is doing well, he gets eliminated about 20 seconds later.

Upon further review though, I think this was a legit injury. He hits a top rope shoulder block and Borga just kind of flips him over and pins him. You can tell Vince is surprised too. Yeah he’s limping out after nothing was done to his lower body so I’m thinking he pulled something.

In the main event with a guy dominating even the WWF isn’t dumb enough to get rid of him after just five minutes. Yeah that was a legit injury. It was WAY too fast to have been planned that way. Given the stalling now to buy time for Rick to get out of there, yeah I’m convinced this is an injury. Just to reiterate: I think it was a legit injury.

Scott hits a pretty nice double underhook suplex on Crush. We get word that Savage is back in the building. Is that really surprising? He was there earlier, so why would it be odd that he’s back? Yep here he comes. While this is happening, Crush picks up Scott and just drops him over the top rope. That was sick. They get Savage out and say he’s out of the building. I’ll be checking my watch now to see how long it takes him to get back. My bet is three minutes.

Heenan talks about how Fuji has turned Crush into a heel and that he can see some gold in his future. That likely would have happened had it not been for…some unknown reason. Initially he was supposed to have Luger’s role but I guess they thought Crush wasn’t ready or something and this is what you got instead. Dang it was only two minutes. Scott (called the Steiner) sends him to the floor and Crush goes after Savage.

This gets him counted out as the crowd is completely insane for this. This was begging for a big time cage match. Why in the world Savage was turned into a big bunch of nothing instead of the top face is beyond me. He clearly was still able to go as he would be winning world titles nearly seven years after this and he was WAY over, but I guess he was hanging out with Stephanie too much around this time and if you don’t get that reference, look it up.

Now it’s Pierre vs. Scott as Luger or Taker haven’t been in yet. Pierre gets a three by mistake but they say it was a two which anyone that can see or hear could tell you was incorrect. Vince keeps calling them the Quebecer and the Steiner. Luger finally comes in and an elbow from the second rope puts Pierre out. It’s 3-2 now if you’re keeping score. We get word that Savage has been throw out again and just as I’m getting ready to type it, Heenan asks how he keeps getting in. Is he Batman?

He suggests that Savage hangs out in the rafters. No Bobby that wouldn’t be for about 4 more years. Steiner and Borga have a decent battle as there is still no Taker in this match, which I guess makes something close to sense: save your big gun for the end. Steiner wants to try the Frankensteiner. Yeah that was just freaking stupid. He gets hit by a massive leg drop to end him and make it 2-2.

Luger and Yoko start with the rematch from Summerslam. The idea is that Luger isn’t allowed to have a rematch no matter what. Eventually he gets a rematch if he can win the Rumble, which he ties in. That could have been a great story if he ever actually won the title. It became like Jeff Hardy for awhile, but the difference was that Jeff finally won the freaking belt and gave us the awesome moment.

Luger never had that moment and it made the rest look bad by comparison. Heenan is asked where he gets his material and he says open your eyes. That’s just odd. After Yoko misses a splash, Luger makes the big tag to Taker and the fans are FREAKING OUT. A swinging DDT nearly kills Yoko and Borga nails him to try to break the momentum. Taker turns and just smacks him as if to say boy please I’m the dead man.

The big belly to belly gets nothing as Taker sits up to another huge pop. If you want to know one of the biggest reasons for why Taker got over, it’s called Bobby Heenan. He was awesome with putting him over. Yoko hits the Banzai then goes for a second and Taker sits up again. It’s just awesome all around as even Heenan can’t talk. Think about that for a second.

They fight to the floor, which is to say Taker beats on him for a bit longer as we get the inevitable double count out and we have our Royal Rumble main event. So it’s now one on one and I think you know the drill. It’s more or less a six minute match with the usual interference and the forearm ends it.

Yeah there’s nothing more to say about this. Just like last year, it starts to snow and freaking Santa Claus comes out. I have never gotten what they were going for with this and I think this was the last time that they did it which is likely a good thing.

Rating: C-. It was long and rather dull, but it did what it was supposed to do in advancing the stories. Luger beats Borga clean and Taker vs. Yoko is set. Also the fans went home happy and Luger looks big and invincible again so I can’t really complain. It could have been better but it certainly could have been worse so we’ll say it’s just below average.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some good and some awful on here, so we’ll say it balances out. Some people would love this and some would hate it. I thought it was ok, but the comedy match was just a disgrace and the main event was just ok. The first match and the tag match were solid enough though.

There are definitely moments here where you’ll be bored out of your mind but there are moments where you’ll be entertained, which I think slightly outweigh the bad. That’s good enough for a mild recommendation I guess. It’s nothing special and it’s not horrible I suppose, but don’t expect to be blown away.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Superstars
Date: June 20, 1992
Location: Rupp Arena, Lexington, Kentucky
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

This one might seem random but it’s a more personal option for me. In this case, it’s because a four year old KB was in the audience for this show and since my best friend’s dad used to run the Rupp Arena box office, I was on the aisle in the front row. Therefore, it’s going to be a rather fun night of looking back and seeing how many times I can see myself. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The announcers talk about…..National Pest Control Week? Perfect makes a bunch of bug jokes and goes off to find a can of Raid.

Legion of Doom vs. Barry Hardy/Tom Bennett

It’s so strange to wonder how many people I might know in the crowd shots. Hawk runs Bennett over with ease and hands it off to Animal for the powerslam. The Beverly Brothers pop in to call the Legion of Doom the Legion of Sissies because they’re mamas boys in makeup. Hardy comes in and gets clotheslined in the corner. The Doomsday Device completes the destruction.

UPDATE! With Gene Okerlund! And brought to you by WWF Ice Cream Bars!

WWF Champion Randy Savage can wrestle or brawl and is willing to do whatever he has to do to beat Ric Flair. He’s living on the edge of a lightning bolt and won’t apologize for that. Savage will even consider BREAKING THE RULES to retain the title.

Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair say Savage is living on borrowed time in Flair’s shoes. It is Flair’s destiny to be champion again.

Papa Shango vs. Chris Hahn

Shango TERRIFIED me back in the day and the same is true for Hahn. Ask my mom, who can be seen as he walks to the ring. Actually hang on as Hahn’s hand is suddenly on fire so there’s no match as he gets medical attention. Well yeah he probably should.

EVENT CENTER! With Sean Mooney!

Crush (Crush: “Hi. I’m Crush.”) likes to crush things but he’d rather thank the fans for sticking by him. He’s not nice or friendly but he’s fair, which wrestlers will find out when they face him. There is no Hawaiian accent to speak of here and it would do a lot of good, just for the sake of personality.

The Nasty Boys want competition. There is no point to this other than reminding us that they exist and

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Red Tyler

And there I am, with Papa KB holding me up for possibly my first ever high five from a wrestler. At another show, I would get Slaughter’s helmet so this one means a bit more to me than it should. Slaughter hammers and chokes away in the corner to start as we hear from the Mountie and Jimmy Hart, who are ready for the mother of all battles, even on Father’s Day. The Slaughter Cannon sets up another Slaughter Cannon for two with Slaughter pulling him up. Instead it’s the Cobra Clutch for the easy win.

Buy WBF Magazine, with an article on the long term effects of steroids.

Repo Man vs. Brian Costello

Repo Man, who apparently rode over on a repossessed ten speed bicycle, chokes on the ropes to start as we get the inset promo from British Bulldog, who is coming for Repo Man. A kick to Costello’s leg sets up a half crab for the submission. AHA! So Repo Man is Lance Storm!

Post match Repo Man ties his feet together with the rope for a pull around the ring.

EVENT CENTER! WITH THE NERVE TO HAVE A THIRD OF THESE THINGS ON ONE SHOW!

Bret Hart has been under a lot of pressure since becoming Intercontinental Champion but he likes the heat. He even likes it from Shawn Michaels, who can have a title shot, just like anyone else.

Rick Martel is a model, and he’s even better now that he has Tatanka’s buffalo feathers. Everyone is wearing them because he’s a trendsetter. I love how clear they make the gimmicks back in the day. How many people today can you explain almost in full in one sentence? Not everyone can be like that but it helps to have some of them around.

Crush vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Hey there we are again. Crush gets reversed into the corner and punched a bit, only to have the power game get him out of trouble. Perfect wishes his dad a happy Father’s Day as Vince talks about how awesome Perfect’s dad was. A torture rack backbreaker sets up the head vice to finish Brawler in short order.

Gene brings out Shawn Michaels and Sherri, carrying the mirror, for a chat. Sherri doesn’t think it’s vain because Shawn deserves this much attention. Shawn can’t blame anyone for wanting to look at him because he’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. Gene: “Oh it’s on fire all right.” In addition to the best looking man in the company, Shawn sees the next Intercontinental Champion. He’s surprised that they didn’t beef up security for Bret because Shawn is still in the building. That’s enough for right now though because Shawn is worried about the women rushing the barricade. Here’s looking at you kid.

We go down to Miami, Florida where Razor Ramon pulls up in a custom made Cadillac to talk about how people in the Caribbean are living like pigs with people telling him what to do. No one tells him what to do though and he’s coming to the WWF. No one is going to tell him what to do there either because he is el jefe.

Undertaker vs. Dwayne Gill

Undertaker slowly knocks him down and hits the chokeslam with some additional choking. Old (When was it new?) School sets up the jumping clothesline and the Tombstone completes the greatest hits squash.

Post match, Gill gets the body bag treatment. Vince wants to see Mr. Fuji and the Berzerker get the same treatment. Can’t he just fire them instead?

Shawn Michaels has LEFT THE BUILDING.

Money Inc. vs. Rock Werner/Butler Stevens

Non-title and we get one final shot of the three of us during Money Inc.’s entrance. Stevens gets kicked in the face and double clotheslined early on as we go to a Money Inc. inset interview. It’s Father’s Day and they like the Founding Fathers, or at least hose on 50s and 100s. The Write Off (jumping clothesline) finishes Werner in a hurry.

ONE MORE EVENT CENTER! IT’S LIKE THIS SHOW’S WRESTLING ISN’T ENOUGH TO FILL OUT A SHOW!

High Energy want the Nasty Boys. They call them the Fat Boys, but it’s not ok for the Beverly Brothers to call the LOD the Legion of Sissies?

Tatanka wants his feathers back. Now that’s a unique complaint.

A preview for next week wraps us up.

This show is certified 100% Grade A Ground Beef. That’s the best branding they can come up with?

Overall Rating: D+. This is what you had until Raw came on the air and really, there are a lot of elements from this era that I’d like to see come back today. How many people got a thirty second promo to let you know that they’re still here? It’s not much and a lot of them didn’t advance anything but it lets you know that they’re still there. That’s better than having people go weeks and weeks without making an appearance. I get that you can’t have two minute long squashes throughout the show, but cutting the match lengths down to get more people involved would be a good place to start.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 28, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Cornette

We’re still in the aftermath of Wrestlemania X and things almost have to be better this time around than they were last week. Granted I’ve said that before but it hasn’t been the case yet. The big match for the week is Lex Luger vs. Rick Martel so my hopes aren’t exactly at their highest. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Earlier today, Ted DiBiase bought some front row seats from fans for $100 each. Not the worst deal in the world when you’re a third of the way through the tapings.

Opening sequence.

Rick Martel vs. Lex Luger

Cornette goes into a rant about his microphone not working, somehow making that entertaining as well. Martel starts by hiding in the corner with Cornette saying that Luger is such a typical American. The threat of a right hand sends Martel running again (Dude, not in the face!) so Liger goes with a hiptoss instead, this time with Martel bailing to the floor. We look at the commentary table and it turns out that DiBiase is sitting behind them, counting his money of course. That’s the kind of thing that made him work so well and still does all these years later.

Lex’s headlock takeover as Cornette goes into a rant about how awesome the University of Louisville basketball team is this year. Well to be fair he’s supposed to be a heel. Martel fights up and is almost immediately headlocked right back down. Back up again and Martel gets knocked outside as we take a break. We come back with Martel getting in some kicks to the ribs in the corner and scoring off a clothesline.

The chinlock goes on because we haven’t spent enough time in a hold on the mat. Thankfully it doesn’t last as long….and Martel puts it right back on. Well of course he does. A snap off the ropes sets up the third chinlock as Vince says Cornette should have been the guest referee at Wrestlemania. That might have been even more perfect, just for the comedy alone.

Martel finally goes up but dives into a shot to the ribs. Luger tries a dropkick (!) but Martel grabs the rope and Luger crashes, mainly because HE HAS NO BUSINESS TRYING A DROPKICK. A suplex doesn’t get Luger very far due to his back so he goes with the right hands instead. The powerslam sets up the Rack to finish Martel.

Rating: D-. I know older wrestlers say there’s too much action today but then you have matches like this, with nearly half of the action on TV being spent in headlocks and chinlocks. You can call it psychology or whatever you want, but that’s not interesting to see or advancing any kind of a story. It’s laying on the mat and acting like it’s worthwhile. Once every now and then is fine but over and over is ridiculous.

Owen Hart says he can beat anyone.

Owen Hart vs. Mike Freeman

Yeah I’d say he’s included on that anyone list. The fans want Bret but we cut to DiBiase saying everyone has a price. Tonight he bought these three seats, but he’s got some surprises coming in the next few weeks. Back in the ring, Owen finally chokes Freeman on the ropes a bit and throws him down by the hair. That’s rather heelish of him.

Vince compares Wrestlemania to the Super Bowl and the boxing pay per views (ok fair enough in some cases) and Owen takes him down by the arm. A dropkick keeps Freeman in trouble as they’re taking their time with the squash here. Freeman charges into a boot in the corner and the Sharpshooter finishes him off.

Rating: D. A bit longer than it needed to be but the point was getting Owen on the show, which is the right idea after he beat Bret so recently. Just keeping him on TV makes sense, as you can tell he’s going to be in the World Title picture rather soon. Freeman was a pretty lame jobber though, as he was just kind of there without putting up even a token opposition. At least put in some effort.

Doink the Clown vs. Eric Cody

Doink squirts DiBiase with a flower on his way to the ring for a funny reaction. Cody is sent outside to start as this whole wrestling things seems to frustrate him. Cornette goes on an anti-New York rant as Vince wishes Reba McIntyre a happy birthday. Somehow they talk about her singing a song about Wrestlemania but don’t mention her singing America the Beautiful back at Wrestlemania VIII.

Doink pulls Cody down by the arm and Dink runs in to step on Cody’s chest. Cornette: “I can whip any midget and anyone under the age of 12!” Cody isn’t happy (as he shouldn’t be, as most clowns aren’t funny) so Doink takes the unhappy man down into an armbar. The Whoopee Cushion puts him out of his misery.

Rating: D. Face Doink was just such a mess as they went with the comedy instead of something interesting. To be fair though, you kind of knew that was where they were going at some point. Cornette was hilarious here though, with him going into the ranting and raving as only he could do. Well he and Bobby Heenan but that goes without saying.

Cornette brings in the Quebecers and Johnny Polo for a chat. Last week they were challenged by Captain Lou Albano….and here he is pretty soon after the champs arrive. Jacques: “What do you want Captain Crunch?” The challenge is accepted and Albano has a team. He leaves and comes back with the Headshrinkers and Afa, sending Johnny into a frenzy. Johnny: “Not those guys! They could beat us!”

The Quebecers were thinking more along the line of Men on a Mission or the Bushwhackers and Albano threatens them with the wrath of Jack Tunney if they don’t accept. More on this later, but the Headshrinkers are a good team so this should be fine. If nothing else, I’d pay to hear Polo and Albano yell at each other for ten minutes a week.

1-2-3 Kid vs. Black Phantom

The Phantom is masked and would be better known as Gangrel. Kid works a headlock to start but gets hiptossed for a break. The announcers talk about Rush Limbaugh’s salary as Kid snapmares him down for the running legdrop. The spinwheel kick gets two and the top rope spinning crossbody finishes the Phantom in a hurry.

Crush vs. Ray Hudson

Nikolai Volkoff is in the front row in his brown suit. Cornette spends the time quoting the Rolling Stones as Crush slowly chops away. A neck snap and a superkick allow Crush to strike some martial arts poses. There’s a gorilla press and a knee drop for the pin. For Crush that is.

Rating: D. Another boring squash in a series of them after Wrestlemania. Crush’s martial arts poses were the most entertaining things about the match, assuming you don’t include the Stones stuff. After the Savage loss, there wasn’t much left for Crush to do as he was really just a big lackey.

A highlight package takes us out. Did something just go short?

Overall Rating: D-. Egads they’re in a bad funk as the only good thing to be seen was Owen winning to continue his momentum. In theory they’re just waiting for the big stuff to happen but that doesn’t seem to be the case anytime soon. I’m guess Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon are just getting a night off after the big ladder match, but you can really feel their absences.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 7, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

We’re coming up on Wrestlemania X and that means things are starting to come together. The Hart Brothers are still at it but Bret and Lex Luger are both after the WWF World Title. It’s one of the best pay per views ever so it should be interesting to see to see how we get there. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of Randy Savage vs. Crush, the latter of whom teams up with Owen Hart to face the Smoking Gunns.

Opening sequence.

Ted DiBiase comes out for commentary and we run down the card.

Smoking Gunns vs. Crush/Owen Hart

They’re starting big this week. The fans are all over the villains here, so at least they’re doing their jobs. Nikolai Volkoff is in the front row as part of a story that would get rather dumb, mainly because it involves Volkoff in 1994. Owen goes outside to break some Bret Hart glasses and we’re ready to go. Bart and Owen exchange shoves and a hiptoss takes Hart down. It’s already off to Crush, who is greeted by the USA chants because the fans aren’t that bright.

Some shots to the back just send Bart up top for a spinning high crossbody and the tag brings in Billy. Crush, likely annoyed at….whatever is likely annoying him at the moment, throws Billy into the corner and hands it off to Owen. Just like earlier, this doesn’t go quite so well until a cheap shot from the apron lets him get in a suplex. The fans want Bret (I thought they were all about the USA) but have to settle for Crush hammering away at Billy in the corner as he ignores a tag request from Owen.

A side slam gets two and now it’s off to Owen for the always good looking missile dropkick as we take a break. Back with the hot tag bringing Bart back in for the backdrop on Owen and a right hand on Crush. Bart’s powerslam gets two as everything breaks down. Crush chop blocks Bart to break up what looks like a powerbomb and Owens slaps on the Sharpshooter for the win.

Rating: C. Not a bad match at all here as two of the biggest heels in the company at the moment get to beat a good team to really make them look better. The Gunns were scheduled for a ten man tag at Wrestlemania but really, it’s not like the match was going to mean anything in the first place. This was fine for what it needed to accomplish

Post match Owen asks Crush to save a little piece of Bret during their match at Sunday’s March to Wrestlemania. Crush says okey dokey.

It’s time for the Wrestlemania Report with Todd Pettengill with a focus on the celebrities. The matches get some attention as well, though I’m not sure why Todd thinks the mixed tag is mysterious.

Virgil vs. Jeff Jarrett

DiBiase isn’t exactly happy to see Virgil, who chases Jarrett into the ropes to start. A shoulder works a bit better for Jarrett but he gets taken down into a hammerlock. An armdrag sets up another hammerlock as the announcers make fun of the White House communications director. Virgil hits an atomic drop, which Vince calls a reverse piledriver. As I try to figure that out, Jeff grabs a DDT for the sudden pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here, though listening to DiBiase rip on Virgil three years after their split is still funny. Jarrett was still figuring things out at the moment in the WWF, which he never really pulled off. Virgil has to be about done with the company, though who would notice if he was gone?

Jeff Jarrett is on the cover of a country music magazine so Vince accuses DiBiase and Jarrett of being involved in fraud. Ok then.

The President of the Hair Club for Men is the official Wrestlemania hair consultant so we see what Mr. Fuji would look like with hair. Clara Peller was a better celebrity than this.

Doink the Clown vs. Mike Sharpe

Sharpe chases after Dink to start and gets kicked down. A shoulder lets Sharpe point at his head so Doink dropkicks him to scramble said huge brains. Some choking on the ropes slow Dink down as Vince manages to go on with one sentence about Wrestlemania for about a minute straight. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) finishes Sharpe.

Chief Jay Strongbow and Chief Wahoo McDaniel and an actual Native American chief are in the ring to present Tatanka with an actual headdress. It’s kind of a cool moment and Tatanka gives a nice speech about respecting his ancestors and the men next to him. Strongbow says he’s proud of him and McDaniel (not McDaniels) says full steam ahead as Tatanka is actually crying as he has the headdress put on.

IRS vs. Mark Thomas

Before the match, IRS says Tatanka owes a gift tax on that headdress. Thomas has been around here before and is jacked. Vince takes this opportunity to talk about Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott and various other baseball stories. I don’t know if Vince wants to be a talk show host or what but this is really stupid. IRS takes him down with a snapmare but misses a charge into the corner so Thomas can roll him up for two.

That’s about it for Thomas’ offense as IRS slaps on an abdominal stretch. DiBiase: “I taught him everything I know.” IRS grabs the ropes, making DiBiase affirm that he did in fact teach IRS everything he knows. Now it’s time to work on the leg for a bit, followed by the jumping clothesline to finish Thomas. IRS is drenched in sweat after the match, likely because he wrestles in business attire.

Rating: D-. What else were you expecting here? IRS just wasn’t that good in the ring (fine, but not good) and watching him work a squash isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. At least they didn’t stay out there that long and beating someone who looked like Thomas was better than the usual schlubs that served as jobbers a lot of the time.

Jim Cornette and the Heavenly Bodies come out to rant about how Japanese cars are better than American cars to hype up Jimmy Del Ray vs. Lex Luger at the March to Wrestlemania. Speaking of Wrestlemania, Luger is only going to wrestle once at Wrestlemania and he’s losing to Yokozuna. As for Sunday and Del Ray, Cornette: “Luger, he’s going to hit you from so many different directions that you’re going to think you’re in a pinball machine and he just got an extra ball.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???

Overall Rating: C-. The featured match being watchable is about as good as you can get around here and the rest of the show was only somewhat bad. Wrestlemania X is a special show and the build to it feels a little different as well. This wasn’t a great show and could have used more Bret, but at least what we got was pretty acceptable.

I’m not doing March to Wrestlemania and there’s no show on March 14 so the next episode is March 21.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania X
Date: March 20, 1994
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

In addition to all the World Title stuff going on, there’s another legendary match on the show and it’s for the Intercontinental Title. Shawn Michaels had been the champion but was suspended over a failed drug test but came back with the title belt. While he was gone, Razor Ramon (now a face and red hot) won the title. The solution was to put both belts above the ring and have a ladder match that would wind up as one of the most influential matches of all time. Let’s get to it.

We open with a package on the first Wrestlemania as this is going to be a show heavy on celebrating history.

Vince introduces Little Richard and a choir to sing America the Beautiful. Richard sings a very nice solo version to start but the choir joins him for an encore and it picks up even more.

Jerry and Vince recap the World Title situation as well as Bret vs. Owen. Another piece worth mentioning is from the Royal Rumble when Bret and Owen tried to win the Tag Team Titles but Bret refused to tag out, leading to the mat being stopped due to a leg injury. Owen rightfully snapped and kicked Bret’s knee out, setting up the match here.

For reasons I don’t quite understand, the Fink isn’t doing the ring announcing.

We get the traditional MSG setup with the entrance opposite the hard camera. I’ve always liked that.

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

Owen shoves him away off a lockup and immediately celebrates in a funny moment. They hit the mat for a bit and Owen nips up to his feet, meaning it’s time for another celebration. Bret’s waistlock sends Owen to the ropes and he’s not so happy with that one. Owen slaps him in the face and things get serious in a hurry. We get Owen’s signature counter to a wristlock but Bret nips up as well and takes Owen down in an armbar.

A monkey flip sends Owen into the ropes and a clothesline puts him on the floor. This has been back and forth so far but Bret is clearly a step ahead. Back in and Bret returns the slap before going back to the arm. Owen fights up and hits a spinwheel kick as Lawler rants about how the Hart parents lied about Bret protecting Owen when they were kids. A backbreaker sets up a camel clutch on Bret, followed by a belly to belly for two. Vince: “YES! NO!”

Owen grabs a very nice German suplex for two as Bret’s back and neck continue to take a beating. There’s a tombstone to Bret but he avoids a top rope headbutt from halfway across the ring. Bret comes back with the Five Moves of Doom but Owen enziguris him back down. Neither guy can get a Sharpshooter so Bret sends him to the floor for a dive, only to come up holding his knee. Yeah I’m sure.

Owen goes after the knee and my goodness it might be legit for a change. A few leg locks don’t get Bret anywhere so Owen simplifies it with a Figure Four in the middle of the ring. The hold is finally rolled over into the corner and Bret is up with a hard whip to send Owen chest first into the corner (a signature spot that Bret usually takes). Bret gets a nice piledriver for two and an even better looking superplex gets a delayed near fall.

With nothing else working, Owen kicks him low and puts on the Sharpshooter as Lawler is ecstatic. Bret kicks him over and tries his own Sharpshooter but Owen is right in front of the ropes. Back up and Bret raises a boot in the corner to set up a victory roll but Owen drops forward into a rollup for the completely clean pin at 20:21.

Rating: A+. This is widely considered to be the best opening match in company history and it’s very difficult to put up much of an argument. They were going back and forth for over twenty minutes out there and it never once gets boring or uneventful. This had a great build and Owen is proven exactly right as he jumps out of his brother’s shadow and becomes a main event player.

It’s a great sign when there’s almost nothing to make fun of and it’s just one awesome move and sequence after another. Absolute masterpiece here and something that definitely needs to be seen to be appreciated because this is just a great wrestling match. That’s the right word: wrestling. These two were wrestling each other and it worked the entire way through.

Owen celebrates in the back and talks about how this is a great moment in his career. I could watch Owen’s giddy celebrations all day.

Wrestlemania II was innovative (not really) and had a battle royal.

Here’s the President of the Hair Club for Men who presents the Fink with a hairpiece. This didn’t work and didn’t last, which is probably best for everyone involved.

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink the Clown

Bigelow and Luna are evil and Dink is a miniature version of Doink because just turning the big one good wasn’t enough of a waste of potential. Bigelow runs Doink over to start and scores with a dropkick. He misses a backsplash though and Doink hammers away without even taking his jacket off. It’s off to Dink, meaning Luna has to come in to take away the awesomeness that was Bam Bam Bigelow beating up a clown.

Luna chokes Dink on the middle rope but misses a charge, allowing Dink to drop an elbow for two. She misses a really high splash though and it’s off to Doink vs. Bigelow with the Bam Bam sitting on his chest. Doink comes back with a jumping DDT but misses a top rope seated senton, setting up Bigelow’s top rope headbutt for the pin at 6:11.

Rating: D-. The silence from the crowd tells you almost everything there is to know. It’s hard to get a New York crowd to not care about wrestling but these four managed to do it. This is the definition of the cartoon style feud that dominated the era and a good example of how stupid it was. It’s not a horrible match but it’s totally uninteresting, which is even worse in a lot of ways.

Bigelow can’t get his hands on Dink and the clowns bail.

And here’s a Bill Clinton impersonator, who Vince treats like the real thing.

Wrestlemania III was a really big show as well. For once they’re right on these things.

Randy Savage vs. Crush

Yokozuna hurt Crush last year and Crush blamed Savage for never coming to see him in the hospital. Crush attacked him, drawing Savage out of the broadcasting booth and back into the ring for one last run. This is falls count anywhere but it’s more like falls don’t count in the ring, as you win by getting a fall and your opponent not being able to get back inside the ring in sixty seconds, making it something like a prototype last man standing match.

The brawl is on in the aisle and Crush drops him throat first across the barricade (a move which helped start the feud) for a quick pin. Savage is back inside though (despite Mr. Fuji hitting him in the back with the Japanese flag) and the sixty second clock is already proving to be a bad idea. Crush ties him in the Tree of Woe for some shots to the ribs but stops to get some salt, only to have Savage knock it into his face. An ax handle and the elbow have Crush in trouble but Savage is smart enough to take him to the floor for the pin.

Crush is out cold so Fuji douses him with water for the save. Back in and Crush backdrops him over the top for that awesome looking landing that only Savage can do. Savage posts him head first and they fight into the crowd with Crush kicking him in the face. They fight backstage with Savage throwing him into a door for the pin, but this time he gets smart and ties Crush’s foot up with an electrical cord and handing him upside down. To make it even better, the rope gives way and Crush falls down but it’s enough to give Savage the win at 9:44.

Rating: C+. This is a tricky one as there’s a cool idea here but the clock thing was stupid. Look at Savage hitting the elbow but having to throw Crush to the floor for the pin. It looks horribly awkward and doesn’t feel like they’re really mad at each other. The ending was smart though and it was a violent enough fight but this would have been much better under the modern last man standing rules and with some more time.

The Clinton impersonator isn’t funny but he does a decent impression. I.R.S. is here to congratulate him on raising the taxes.

Video on Fan Fest, a precursor to Axxess.

Savage celebrates with some fans and we see his title win at Wrestlemania IV.

Women’s Title: Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai

No story here. Blayze is defending and brought the title out of retirement back in December. It’s the same Lelani Kai (in case you thought it was a different one with the same name) from Wrestlemania I challenging and she runs the champ over to start. A headbutt puts Blayze down but she comes back with a standing hurricanrana for two. Some suplexes get two each as Lawler thinks Blayze looks like a horse. Back up and Blayze grabs her signature German suplex to retain at 3:25.

Rating: D-. Kai was nothing more than a name out of the past while Blayze more or less was women’s wrestling in America at this point. The title would be only be around about another year and a half before being dropped into a trashcan on Monday Nitro, putting it out of commission for several more years.

Roddy Piper put out Morton Downey Jr.’s cigarette with a fire extinguisher at Wrestlemania V.

Rhonda Shear, the definition of a ditzy blonde, is in the back getting his picture taken with Shawn Michaels when a pretty drunk looking Burt Reynolds comes in to steal her.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Men on a Mission

Men on a Mission, a pair of fat rappers (Mabel, who is 6’10 and 500lbs, and Mo with manager Oscar) who wear bright purple and gold, are challenging. The Quebecers are Jacques (Rougeau/the Mountie) and Pierre (Carl Ouellet, a French Canadian wrestler) and are managed by Johnny Polo (better known as Raven).

Mabel gets double teamed to start but the big double clothesline drops the champs. Mo’s cross body gets two on Pierre as Lawler talks about how huge Mabel is. The Quebecers realize that Mo is their only option so it’s time for the choking. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Mo for two before doing the same thing over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Mo’s running flip attack puts Pierre down and it’s Mabel coming in to near silence.

The champs hurt their backs as they try a double suplex but actually make the second attempt work. The Cannonball (assisted swanton bomb) gets two and Mabel does the power kickout. Back up and Mabel spinwheel kicks Pierre down to set up their assisted splash (Mo gets on the middle rope and drives Mabel down). Jacques fails at a save attempt but Mabel splashes Pierre on the floor for a countout at 7:43.

Rating: D. The match could have been worse but that’s a horrible ending to a not great match. I get that you didn’t want to put the titles on Men on a Mission, but the Headshrinkers were getting them in about a month so why not swap them out and give us the title change here? It would be better than on a random episode of Raw. Men on a Mission were a good enough fun tag team but that doesn’t mean I want to see them in major spots on the biggest show of the year.

Wrestlemania VI’s moment is the only moment you would expect it to be.

We recap Luger vs. Yokozuna. Luger turned face last 4^th of July when he answered and won a bodyslam challenge issued by Yokozuna on board the USS Intrepid. This led to a long running campaign called the Lex Express, leading to Luger’s shot at Summerslam. Luger won by countout and had to win the Royal Rumble to earn this shot. He has the momentum on his side and knows he can beat Yokozuna but Luger is known as a huge choke artist so Yokozuna is probably still favored.

Rhonda Shear is guest timekeeper and Donnie Walhberg of the New Kids on the Block is guest ring announcer.

WWF World Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

Yokozuna has Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette in his corner. To make it even more interesting, Mr. Perfect is introduced as a surprise guest referee. Luger is the All American boy here but Lawler says the real American way is Arabian oil going into Japanese cars. Some right hands stagger Yokozuna but a big clothesline stops Luger in mid charge. A forearm puts Yokozuna on the floor but Mr. Perfect (in a referee shirt and referee pants which look like pajamas) doesn’t let Luger follow up. Luger tries a slam and can’t get it over this early, allowing Yokozuna to hammer away with the big clubbing blows to the back.

Yokozuna stops to pull off a turnbuckle pad and we hit the nerve hold on Luger as Cornette demands that the fans cut out the USA chants. Luger fights up after being in the hold for over two minutes but Yokozuna runs him over and even threatens Mr. Perfect. It’s back to the nerve hold again as the match has already died a slow death. They’re just laying there in the hold as the crowd gets more and more annoyed. Yokozuna finally throws Luger to the floor after three and a half minutes out of four were spent on that single hold. Back in and the hold goes right back on because Yokozuna needs to rest even more.

Luger is just laying on the mat as Yokozuna has his hand on his neck. The hold doesn’t even look good but it’s stayed on for the better part of five minutes now. Luger fights up again and sends Yokozuna into the exposed pad before pulling off the slam. The big forearm knocks Yokozuna out cold and Luger stops to beat up the managers but accidentally shoves Perfect in the process, drawing a DQ at 14:40. Remember last year when Luger blindsided Perfect after their match? Well Perfect certainly does.

Rating: F. This match wasn’t even fifteen minutes long and nearly five of that was spent in a rest hold. There’s no excuse for something like that as Yokozuna has shown that he can stay in an active match for long stretches. The ending was fine but the bulk of the match just crippled everything they had.

One other note: there’s a famous story that the ending was changed due to Luger shooting his mouth off in a bar saying that he was going to win the match and Vince changed the plans as a result. This makes no sense if you can see the glaring hole in the story: what else was Luger supposed to say? “Yeah I’m losing at Wrestlemania. It sucks but there’s nothing I can do about it.” Wrestlers always promise they’re going to win matches. It’s basic storytelling, but I’m supposed to believe that the story was changed because Luger stuck to the script? That doesn’t hold up and never will.

The fans are MAD over that ending and I can’t say I blame them. Nearly a third of a fifteen minute match was spent with Yokozuna rubbing Luger’s neck, which didn’t even go anywhere, like so many nerve holds don’t. This is Wrestlemania. The fans should be able to expect more from the World Title match.

In the back, Perfect defends his decision to a screaming Luger. This never went anywhere due to Perfect’s back flaring up again.

Wrestlemania VII saw Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth reunite one final time. That’s the moment they should show, but instead we see the blindfold match. Monsoon: “It was like the blind leading the blind.”

Harvey Wippleman comes out to yell at the Fink for his stupid haircut. It didn’t even help his stupid looks. Fink gets physical (which eventually set up a series of tuxedo matches between the two of them. These things should never be spoken of again.) but Harvey’s newest protege Adam Bomb comes out to grab the helpless announcer. Cue Earthquake of all people and it’s time for a match.

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

A powerslam sets up the Earth Splash for the pin on Bomb at 35 seconds. Well that was pointless.

Cornette and Yokozuna laugh at Luger for blowing it again. They’re more than ready for Bret. They saw that knee injury and Yokozuna is coming after it like a shark. The feeding frenzy will begin. It’s still bizarre to see Cornette raving like a madman in the WWF.

Wrestlemania VIII’s moment is just Undertaker’s entrance. His opponent isn’t even mentioned.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

I really don’t think the ladder match needs much of an introduction. Ring announcer Bill Dunn: “The following contest has no rules!” Then he explains how you win the match, which sounds an awful lot like rules. Razor is officially the only champion coming in and Shawn has Diesel in his corner. Feeling out process to start until Razor counters a wristlock into a chokeslam. A neckbreaker doesn’t have much effect on Razor and they head to the floor where Diesel clotheslines Razor down. That’s enough for an ejection and it’s one on one.

They head back inside for more fighting as the ladder continues to loom at ringside. Shawn fires off right hands but Razor loads up a quick Razor’s Edge, only to get backdropped over the top and onto the exposed concrete. Razor comes up holding his elbow and now it’s time for the ladder. Razor is up for the save but Shawn baseball slides the ladder into him to take over again. He drives the ladder down into the ribs instead of climbing though and it’s time for violence.

That bores Shawn so he throws the ladder at Razor instead. Shawn goes up the ladder but Razor makes the save, pulling Shawn’s tights down at the same time. Razor is still in trouble though as Shawn splashes him off the ladder to stay on the bad ribs. It’s so nice to see even some basic psychology in a match that would become defined by all the big spots. Razor pulls Shawn off the ladder to send him into the top rope, putting both guys down again.

After a cool looking overhead shot, Shawn sets up the ladder in the corner but Razor whips him in to send Shawn crashing down to the floor. A catapult sends Shawn face first into the ladder up against the apron and it’s time for Razor to climb. This time though it’s Shawn coming off the top to break it up, only to have the ladder fall on him in an even bigger crash. Both guys climb but crash back down with the ladder bending in the process, which would help play a roll in their rematch at Summerslam the next year.

Shawn dropkicks Ramon off the ladder and wisely shoves the ladder onto Razor. For some reason Ramon is right back up, only to eat a superkick. We get one of the most famous spots of the match as Shawn rides the ladder off the top and down onto Razor for a big crash. Shawn goes up again but Razor shoulders the ladder down, sending Shawn into the ropes, tying his foot up in the process. Razor climbs up and pulls down the belts for the win and the undisputed title at 18:49.

Rating: A+. It’s the ladder match and I think that’s all I need to say. This is one of the most perfectly executed matches of all time and it’s almost impossible to find anything bad about it. Both guys were made better here with Shawn getting to showcase how great he really could be. His rise to the top was coming and there was almost nothing that could stop him. This more than holds up over time and deserves the accolades it deserves as a perfect match. It may not be the most eye popping spectacle ever, but it was a perfectly done match on the biggest stage and it doesn’t get any better than that.

Rick Martel, the Headshrinkers, Jeff Jarrett and I.R.S. argue over who is the captain for the ten man tag so the match is postponed until tomorrow night on Raw. That’s one match canceled and you have to believe one cut horribly short. At least we got that epic nerve hold though.

Ted DiBiase tries to bribe Clinton.

Wrestlemania IX’s moment is Fuji throwing salt at Bret. The subsequent title changes are never mentioned.

Music video on Bret and Yokozuna’s paths to the main event with Bret’s set to Making Some Noise by Tom Petty.

Ring announcer Burt Reynolds introduces actress Jennie Garth as guest timekeeper. The special guest referee here: Roddy Piper, who may or may not want revenge on Bret for Wrestlemania VIII.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Bret is challenging and limps to the ring to sell the knee injury from earlier in the night. Yokozuna jumps him before he can get in the ring though and Bret is in early trouble. A big headbutt puts Bret down and it’s time for choking. Bret fights up with some right hands and a headbutt to put Yokozuna down but he can’t follow up. The champ gets taken down for two but Cornette pulls Piper to the floor. That earns Cornette a right hand to the face as Yokozuna gets back up and rakes Bret’s eyes to take over.

There’s the big legdrop but Yokozuna throws him outside instead of covering. Back in and Bret avoids a charge in the corner and gets two off a middle rope bulldog. That’s the third time he’s used that move in two matches against Yokozuna but what else is he supposed to do against someone that big? Bret tries to go the middle rope but dives into a belly to belly. It’s time for the Banzai Drop but Yokozuna falls backwards (with no contact from Hart) and hits his head to give Bret the pin and the title at 10:33.

Rating: D+. The results helps but what was that ending? We know Bret can get him in the Sharpshooter or at least do some offensive moves to him but their big solution is to have Bret do absolutely nothing and get the pin? It doesn’t make Bret look like the conqueror but rather just like someone who was in the right place at the right time. This felt like a bigger deal than their last match and it was a more enjoyable moment as a result, even if they had another bad ending. Either way though, at least Bret is champion again.

A bunch of people including Savage, Ramon, Monsoon, Vince himself and the celebrities come out to celebrate with Bret but Owen shows up at the entrance to shake his head at Bret. He asks what about him and stares his still limping brother down to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Much like last year, the two best matches carry this show as far as it needs to go and the rest is just gravy. With two masterpieces and Bret winning the title that he deserves back to end the show, it’s almost impossible to call this anything less than very good. Unfortunately the rest of the show doesn’t support the top shelf stuff, but the rest of this show was just so strong that it carries everything else with it. This is one of the most well received shows of all time and it’s really not hard to see why with every major match hitting on at one major cylinder.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Randy Savage vs. Crush

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

Original: F

2013 Redo: F+

2015 Redo: D

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Original: F

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: F

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: A

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: B+

It’s Wrestlemania X. This is classic viewing whether you’re a huge wrestling fan or some loser on a night shift.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/17/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-10-maybe-the-best-mania-ever/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/19/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-x-how-can-you-not-love-this-show/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 6, 1994
Location: Struthers Fieldhouse, Youngstown, Ohio
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

We’re coming up on King of the Ring 1994 and…..I need a minute just thinking about something like that. This is a really bad time for the company as Vince is dealing with the steroids trial so don’t expect a lot of good stuff on here. Well, save for the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Tatanka vs. Crush

Lumberjack match in a rematch from last week’s draw. IRS and Razor Ramon getting in a fight before all of the lumberjacks are even at ringside. A bunch of lumberjacks get in the ring and tease a brawl as Crush gets in a few shots on Tatanka to start. Things settle down with Tatanka coming back with chops abut a toss sends him outside for a lumberjack beating.

Back in and we hit the chinlock but Crush misses a kneedrop. That means another far too early comeback before we take a break. Back with Tatanka working on an armbar, only to get pulled down into a weak cross armbreaker. McMahon mentions Crush possibly winning the Tag Team Titles as well as the King of the Ring in the same night if he wins here but shuts up when Tatanka chops him down.

It’s back to the armbreaker as this is already going WAY longer than it needed to. Savage: “My temperature is at about 114!” Vince: “That’s normal for you.” Savage: “Thank you.” Crush stays on the mat with a bodyscissors as the fans and lumberjacks are starting to get restless.

We take a second break (Why?) and come back with Crush getting tied up in the ropes but still managing an atomic drop. Crush grabs a front facelock for a good while before sending Tatanka outside, triggering the lumberjack brawl. Now it’s Crush being send outside for a beating of his own, including Lex Luger coming out to blast Crush with the forearm. Crush is done and Tatanka gets the very lame pin to advance at just shy of TWENTY FIVE MINUTES (counting commercials).

Rating: D-. You’ll often hear about how matches are too short today but this is a good reason why that’s not always the worst issue in the world. Just because you can give a match more time doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, especially if so much of the mat is just one guy putting on a hold for two to three minutes at a time. Holds can be used to advance a match but that’s not what was happening here.

King of the Ring Control Center with the full bracket being revealed:

IRS

Mabel

Razor Ramon

Bam Bam Bigelow

Jeff Jarrett

1-2-3 Kid

Owen Hart

Tatanka

We look back at Diesel attacking Bret Hart in the King’s Court with a little help from Shawn Michaels last week.

Bret thinks that proves Diesel isn’t jam up enough to fight on his own. A member of Bret’s family will be in his corner for the title match.

Roddy Piper sends in a video offering Bret his help. He’s ready to take care of Jerry Lawler too and talks about growing up in a rough neighborhood to prove it.

CALL THE HOTLINE! For some reason this is introduced with insults to the Flintstones movie. Rather odd and rather dumb as I always liked that movie.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. John Paul

Bigelow misses an early splash but shrugs off an armbar. That means it’s time to make fun of the Flintstones for some reason with Vince calling Luna the Wilma Flintstone of the WWF. Paul gets in a few kicks and a sunset flip for two. Bigelow shrugs it off and hits a spinning splash for the quick pin.

House show ads.

Earlier today, some wrestlers beat some members of the Marines/Navy/Coast Guard in a tug of war to celebrate D-Day.

Here’s the King’s Court with Lawler running his mouth about Piper. His guest is from Scotland and wears a Hot Rod t-shirt but just happens to be about seventeen years old and weighs 130lbs with a brick in each pocket. The guy does a good impression but it gets old in a hurry as you can get the joke after about two seconds. After a few gay jokes, the guy gets on his hands and knees to kiss Lawler’s feet in an attempt to get out of the match. He crawls out of the ring to finally end this.

Razor Ramon vs. Keith Davis

Razor throws him around to start and catches a crossbody in the fall away slam. We hit the abdominal stretch for a good while until an elbow to the jaw makes things even worse. The belly to back superplex sets up the Razor’s Edge to complete the squash.

Rating: D. Total squash with Razor mauling the jobber in the exact fashion you would expect. Now that being said, this would have been a very different match later on as Davis would actually wind up to being a fairly decent worker in his own right. You might have heard of him under his real name: Jeff Hardy.

Paul Bearer is looking for Undertaker.

Ted DiBiase promises to produce the Undertaker on Superstars.

Overall Rating: D. That opener just killed everything and even seeing a seventeen year old Jeff Hardy out there selling as well as someone his age could do couldn’t save it. The show wasn’t any good and it set up a bad pay per view but with Vince trying to stay out of prison, you really can’t expect anything else.

There’s no Raw next week but there was a special called Countdown to the Crowning, because of course there is.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6