Impact Wrestling
Date: October 25, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Todd Kenely, Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s Championship Night or whatever the latest gimmick show these guys have going on is called. I’m not a big fan of having I think three title matches less than two weeks after BFG, but since the shows themselves aren’t worth watching, they need a gimmick to draw in fans. There’s a world title match tonight with an opponent for Hardy to be announced. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan and Hardy in the back. Hogan is picking Hardy’s first challenger tonight and Hardy is ready for anyone. Hardy leaves and we get a really stupid voiceover from Hardy, talking about all of his potential opponents. He doesn’t care who he faces here.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Zema Ion

We’ve got split announcers tonight, with Kenely (not sure who he is) and JB doing the first hour and the usual boys doing the second. Ion tries a quick rollup for two but it’s a standoff. Rob gets a gorilla press of all thigns and a pair of moonsaults for two. Ion heads to the floor and Rob is sent into the barricade when he follows. Ion charges into a kick in the ring but Rob misses a dive to the floor. Zema hits a flip dive over the top to take the champ out. Back in and Ion misses a majorly flippy dive so Rob kicks him in the face and hits Rolling Thunder for no cover. The Five Star retains the title at 4:33.

Rating: C-. Van Dam is a good pick for the title because you’re going to get at least a watchable match out of him and a win over him will mean something. Thankfully this should get him past Ion who was champion because….I’m not sure why he was champion, but it might be because he’s still around when everyone else from the X-Division revival

As Van Dam celebrates, Matt Morgan takes his head off with the Carbon Footprint. Joey Ryan has the X Title and poses with it. Morgan says this is what Hogan wanted.

Austin Aries is listening to the people trying to get the title match. The options are Angle, Anderson, Storm and Ray. Aries gets a shot anyway so he doesn’t care. We get some good jabs at Hogan’s “acting” and Aries says he’s going to use these guys for his personal amusement once they’re eliminated.

Here are Daniels and Kaz who don’t like the lack of tricks they’ve been getting for all the tricks they’ve been through. Daniels was left alone last week because Hogan screwed with Kaz’s travel. Kaz thinks the new champions are here in this country illegally. Daniels takes the mic from him and says that it’s not really Championship Thursday is it Suburban Commando? It’s a crime that everyone else is getting a shot but not them.

Daniels accuses Dixie of pandering to a Latino audience and says they should wear sombreros and drink tequila. Maybe they should call themselves Dos Stereotipicos. Daniels has a petition to get another title match. Well that’s better than the auto rematch clause. Cue the champions who say they’ll help with the petition. Hernandez has his title wrapped a chain around his neck. The brawl is on and the champs clear the ring in about a second. I think we have a rematch made. Kaz: “GIVE ME THAT CLIPBOARD BACK! THAT’S AN EXPENSIVE PEN!”

Hogan eliminates Anderson for nothing having enough fire. Aries tries to interview him. “Was it not taking enough vitamins? Not saying enough BROTHERS?” Aries says Anderson would be an easy opponent than him and throws a drink in Anderson’s face. The fight is on and Aries is down off a WICKED PAPER POSTER SHOT TO THE HEAD! A match is made and Anderson laughs. Then, to further the stupidity, we hear the director yell CUT. I mean…..really?

D-Von is with Aces and 8’s. The President has said no masks can come off. There are some women here to entertain them apparently, but first they have to take someone out. A member throws a dart at a bunch of pictures of wrestlers but we don’t see who it hit.

TV Title: Robbie T vs. Samoa Joe

Geez enough with the Robs getting title shots! Joe pounds away in the corner to start but T comes back with a spin kick to take him down. Joe puts on the Clutch and after a meaningless Robbie E distraction, Joe puts the hold on again while jumping on T’s back. Terry falls back on him but in an AWESOME moment, Joe sits up and with an INSANE look on his face, puts the hold back on and gets the tap at 2:28. Look up that ending. It looked great.

We recap Tara taking the title from Tessmacher along with Jesse from Big Brother. Did I mention I can’t stand reality TV?

Back to Hogan’s office and Ray apparently isn’t focused enough. He’s going to find D-Von and take care of him, basically eliminating himself.

Anderson yells at a guy in a headset and apparently it’s Anderson vs. Aries next. I know this because the announcer said it’s Anderson vs. Aries next.

Mr. Anderson vs. Austin Aries

They start immediately and Anderson yells mean things at Austin. Anderson takes his shirt off as Aries chills on the floor. A fireman’s carry goes nowhere and things slow down. Aries puts brass knuckles in Anderson’s tights but the referee takes them away. That was kind of odd. The fans chant cheater and Anderson pounds him into the corner again. Anderson gets sent to the floor and there’s the suicide dive as we take a break.

Back with Aries still in control but the fans are cheering for the cheater now. Anderson tries to fight back with some elbows and a clothesline that spins Aries inside out. Anderson’s spinning neckbreaker takes Aries down but the Regal Roll is countered again. The double rotation kick sends Aries to the floor and Anderson adds a plancha.

The fireman’s carry is loaded up again but Aries takes out the referee. Aries steals the knuckles from Aries and Anderson gets them. The referee takes them away and Aries knocks him cold with another pair. Aries pulls Anderson on top of him to feign a pin attempt before putting on the Last Chancery for the pin at 11:49.

Rating: C-. This was an awkward match, likely because Anderson is so unorthodox in the ring. Not a horrible match but it was missing by a half beat. Aries is doing some cool stuff and I like him way better as a heel. I like Anderson way better off my TV, but I guess he’s better in this role than another, but it’s not like it’s a great improvement.

Brooke and Tara/Jesse do their usual stuff. Brooke tells Jesse that ODB has an eye on him. Isn’t ODB married?

Tenay and Taz take over in what is supposed to be a big deal I think. We recap the show up to this point.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tara is defending and gets jumped before she can get in the ring. After more of a beating, a Jesse distraction lets Tara take over with some cheap shots. Tara slams Tessmacher’s face into the mat a few times but stops for a kiss. From Jesse unfortunately. More kissing occurs and Tara misses her slingshot somersault legdrop. Tessmacher comes back and hits her Stinkface before hitting an X Factor out of the corner. Tara grabs Terrell and Jesse lowbridges Tessmacher. Widow’s Peak retains the title at 3:57.

Rating: D+. Annoying non-celebrity aside, Tessmacher contines to do nothing at all for me. She’s just there and is exactly the same character she was a year ago. Also she’s just not that good in the ring, period. Her looks are great but mix up the outfits a bit already. Tara continues to be annoying with Jesse so it’s a success on that front. Hopefully this feud is done now.

Post match more making out occurs until Brooke comes out to shake her head. Apparently ODB is calling out Jesse next week on Open Fight Night.

Joseph Park goes in to talk to Hogan about fighting Aces and 8’s. Hogan says Park has had one match (he’s had two) and also he’s worried about Park’s liability. Park has a piece of paper. Hogan: “What’s that?” Park: “It’s a piece of paper.” He goes on to say it’s a letter of indemnification which means if he gets hurt fighting Aces and 8’s, it’s no one’s fault but Park’s and there’s no legal responsibility for anyone else.

Here’s Ray who again thanks Sting for letting him be his partner. Not much shocks Ray anymore, but the D-Von reveal did. Ray wants an explanation from D-Von but gets the whole group instead. They get in the ring and D-Von says they’re not friends or a team or anything anymore. D-Von says this has nothing to do with Ray anymore and it’s all about Hogan. Apparently this is because Hogan said that he wanted D-Von re-signed to the company, but Hogan and Dixie never called. In other words, if you don’t follow TNA online and follow Hogan on Twitter, this whole story makes VERY little sense.

D-Von says it’s over but Ray says it’s over when he says it’s over. Ray says D-Von is lying and he talks about the Guns coming back from 3D like two years ago and how they should have retired as champions. Years ago D-Von said they’re rich so screw the fans. D-Von says yeah he said it, so Ray wants to fight one on one right now. D-Von says it’s on his time but Ray says he’ll call him out next week on Open Fight Night.

Ryan says he wants the X Title and Morgan says Hogan started this.

It’s also Gut Check next week. The wrestler is Christian York. He wrestled on the first TNA show and in ECW.

Hogan says he’s got something big planned for Storm in the future but tonight Angle has the title shot.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff has two belts here: the vanity belt around his waist and the real one over his shoulder. We get some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Jeff takes him down with an armbar followed by the slingshot dropkick in the corner. Jeff goes to the corner but gets shoved out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Hardy escaping a chinlock and they clothesline each other.

Hardy starts speeding things up and kicks Angle to the floor. There’s a big clothesline off the apron and back inside for Whisper in the Wind for two. Angle comes back with Rolling Germans for two. The Slam is countered into the Twisting Stunner for no cover. Hardy goes up for the Swanton but Angle throws him off the top for two. Angle busts out a powerbomb for two and puts on a quick ankle lock, but Jeff kicks him off. The same kick puts Angle down but the Swanton misses.

The Angle Slam gets two so Jeff hits two straight Twists and the Swanton for just two. Jeff charges at Kurt and gets backdropped to the floor. Angle is spitting up blood. There go the straps as Hardy is thrown back in. Another Slam is countered into a rollup for the pin at 14:29 to keep the belt on Hardy.

Rating: B. When you need a solid match, call Kurt Angle. He’s great in spots like this where you need a main event and have no one else to throw in there. His resume is good enough to buy as a challenger no matter what he’s been doing lately. Either way, good stuff here and a very solid TV main event.

Post match Aries jumps Hardy and says the rematch is at Turning Point. Aries is so confident he’ll win that he takes the belt with him. The original, not the stupid one.

We cut to the back to see Angle getting destroyed by Aces and 8’s to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I liked the show, but man alive was it exhausting. There’s WAY too much stuff going on here between all of the title matches and the backstage stuff and the reality show stuff with Hogan and it’s all just too much. TNA is the opposite of WWE in that respect as while WWE has too much time on their hands, TNA doesn’t have enough and you get shows like this where there’s so much stuff going on that you can’t get a chance to breathe.

Still though, this was WAY better than last week and I feel better about where they’re going now. One more note: slow down on the gimmick shows. We’re going from Championship Thursday to Open Fight Night next week. Space them out or cut one. Back to back is too much, and there’s likely another gimmick that I can’t think of.

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Zema Ion – Five Star Frog Splash

Samoa Joe b. Robbie T – Koquina Clutch

Austin Aries b. Mr. Anderson – Last Chancery

Tara b. Miss Tessmacher – Widow’s Peak

Jeff Hardy b. Kurt Angle – Swanton Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 18, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

We’re in a new era now as BFG 2012 is officially over and we now have a member of Aces and 8’s known in the form of D-Von. On top of that, they have full access to the Impact Zone, which is completely different from the last few months when they came and went as they pleased because…..well because that’s what the stipulations say. Oh and Hardy is now world champion. Let’s get to it.

After a highlight package from BFG we’re ready to go.

Aces and 8’s arrive to open the show. They point to the monitor and the boss and company are toasting themselves in the back. D-Von is officially the newest member apparently and not the leader. That doesn’t exactly make things better but it’s a thing at least. Here’s D-Von to the arena as well to celebrate with the group of Aces and 8’s in the ring. The fans chant that D-Von sold out.

D-Von says that the Aces and 8’s are the ones that always had his back and the people in the Impact Zone are inbred pieces of crap. He joined Aces and 8’s because he can. He thanks the guy that brought him into the group because….and he trails off. Regarding Bubba, this is payback for two years ago when Bubba turned on him and put his son through a table. You know, because everyone was waiting on resolution to THAT.

Cue Sting, Ray, and about half the roster. It’s a big brawl almost immediately and here comes Hogan……and we take a break. Yep we take a break nine minutes into the show with a brawl going on and with nothing explained. Back with Aces and 8’s out of the ring with TNA standing tall. They charge the ring again but then stop. Hogan says with full access comes the requirement to fight. Sting wants to fight D-Von tonight and Hogan says that fight is on or D-Von is gone. D-Von says ok. This story is so freaking dull.

We recap the world title match from the PPV. Hardy gets a celebration tonight. Aries says he’ll attend and bring cookies.

Back with Hogan in the back talking about how Jeff Hardy is defending next week. It’ll be against one of four challengers: Storm, Anderson, the winner of a triple threat, and someone else to be named. Park comes in and Hogan praises Park. Hogan sends the cameras out so they can chat.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Robbie E

Joe pounds away to start and drops a knee for two. Robbie T blocks the MuscleBuster and Joe no sells chops. Joe dives onto T with a suicide elbow and kicks E out of the air. Back in and the MuscleBuster sets up the Clutch for the submission at 2:38.

Robbie T gets choked out too.

Jesse Godderz is pressing tara in the back. They make out a bit and drop celebrity names.

Tara vs. ODB

Non-title and ODB yells at Eric on the phone for not being here. She’s still on the phone during her entrance. ODB grabs Tara and pounds away to start. Apparently Tessmacher gets a rematch next week. ODB puts her ring in her picket which can’t be a good thing. She slams Tara down and talks to Eric on the phone some more. Jesse gets his face shoved in ODB’s chest and it’s back to the phone. Tara keeps pulling ODB’s hair and let’s stop for more kissing. ODB takes a shot from the flak, spits it at Jesse, and hits the Bam for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: D. I hated this. I hate reality TV, I hate alcohol, I thought the phone thing was stupid, and I hate the booking of having the new champion lose four days after the title change. Oh and I hate women’s wrestling in general. Nothing to see here and I don’t care about anything that just happened.

AJ talks to Angle and says it’s every man for himself in the three way tonight.

Kid Kash/Gunner vs. Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero

Non-title again. SuperMex throws both guys around and gorilla presses Kash down. An overhead belly to belly sends the 40+ year old Kid flying. Off to Gunner who gets caught by a slingshot hilo for two. Heel double teaming gives the challengers the advantage. The beating goes on for awhile but Chavo fights back with a European uppercut. Hot tag brings in SuperMex who cleans house, sends Kash flying, and a Chavo top rope rope cross body gets the pin at 5:04.

Rating: D+. This was just an extended workout for the champions here in a match that wasn’t interesting. Kash and Gunner are just there as a jobbing team and when you only have like five teams, having one of them job all the time is pretty pointless. Nothing to see here, exactly like the rest of the show.

Park wants to fight Aces and 8’s. Ray wants to talk to Hogan alone but Hogan says it’s ok to have Park there. Ray thanks Sting for letting him fight with him. He wants to be in the match with D-Von, but Hogan puts him in as one of the four guys next week instead. This ticks Ray off and Sting has to play peacemaker.

Here’s Hardy for the championship celebration…..and he has a custom belt with the face on it. WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT??? He gets pyro and confetti and all the jazz you would expect him to. Jeff thanks the fans for being with him through everything and is excited for his first defense next week.

Cue Aries with balloons and cookies. The fans want cookies. Aries congratulates Jeff on beating him on a PPV which no one else could do. Aries loses the balloons and Hardy knocks the cookies away. Austin isn’t sure where his world title went but that’s not it on Jeff’s shoulder. He can cash in his rematch clause anywhere but he’s going to wait for Hardy to crumble under the pressure. Aries makes fun of the new belt and spits on it. Jeff tries a Twist but Aries bails. This was the first good segment of the night.

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Kurt Angle

No Kaz in sight and the winner gets to be in the Championship competition next week with Anderson, Ray and Storm. Daniels gets shoved down to start and the other guys go at it. AJ takes over with the drop down/kick but Daniels gets back up and jumps Styles. Angle goes all nuts and suplexes both guys silly to take over. AJ immediately comes back with an enziguri but the Clash is countered into the ankle lock.

Angle is rammed into the post by Daniels as is his custom, leaving us with the life partners of Daniels and Styles. AJ hits the springboard forearm on Angle, Daniels hits a Blue Thunder Bomb on AJ, AJ Pele’s Angle down before moonsaulting Daniels on the floor. AJ is holding his knee and limping now. Back in and Angle hits an Angle Slam out of nowhere for the pin on Daniels at 6:55.

Rating: C+. Not terrible here but it felt like this ended quickly. Maybe AJ’s knee really is hurt but it’s hard to say. Either way, this was fine while it lasted but it could have been a lot better. Angle winning is a ncie idea though as he hasn’t been in the world title picture in awhile. That’s the perk of him: you can thrown him in there anytime and it works fine.

AJ won’t shake Angle’s hand post match.

Joey Ryan and Matt Morgan run into Hogan in the back. Hogan welcomes Ryan and yells at Morgan for interfering last Sunday. Morgan calls Hogan Terry and is mad about Hogan not making Morgan a big name. Hogan says he defended Morgan in creative meetings for years. Morgan is mad and slams Hogan against the wall and leaves. Hogan chuckles.

After a recap of Storm vs. Roode, here’s the Cowboy for a chat. Storm says what goes around comes away, and a year ago this whole thing started with Bobby Roode. It was on his bucket list of things to do. Now he wants the world title back. This brings out Roode who talks about the two of them promising to leave it all in the ring. Storm asks for a chair so Roode can have a seat while he kisses up to Roode. Bobby says Storm should be kissing up to Roode for launching his career. Storm apparently owes Roode for getting his first title and declares himself the better man. Last Call knocks Roode out cold.

Sting vs. D-Von

Now THERE is a main even! D-Von jumps him to start but gets caught in a release flapjack. Sting kicks a the legs but misses the Stinger Splash. Sting pounds away on D-Von and we head to the floor as we take a break. Back with D-Von taking over in a slugout and choking Sting a bit. D-Von fires off some elbows to the chest and is in total control.

A diving headbutt gets two as the fans are split on this one. Off to the chinlock followed by a jumping back elbow to take Sting down again. D-Von misses a middle rope headbutt and Sting makes his comeback. Splash, Death Drop, Deathlock, but here are Aces and 8’s for the DQ at 10:57.

Rating: D. It’s freaking 1997 all over again. At the end of the day, D-Von is a career tag team guy who won the lower midcard title in TNA for his only career singles success. On top of that, you had Sting beating him at the end which is the last thing you want to do for a guy who is supposed to be a big deal now. Nothing to see here.

It’s a big brawl to end the show until Ray runs out with a bat to clear the ring to end the show. IT REALLY IS 1997 ALL OVER AGAIN!

Overall Rating: D. That’s being about as generous as I can be here. This show bored me half to death with D-Von doing nothing at all to energize it. On top of that, it’s like nothing has momentum and there’s no sign of anything building any for the time being. I don’t buy D-Von in the main event scene but he’s there now and that’s all there is to say. The main stories aren’t grabbing me right now and that’s a bad thing.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Robbie E – Koquina Clutch

ODB b. Tara – The Bam

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Kid Kash/Gunner – Cross body to Kash

Kurt Angle b. AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels – Angle Slam to Daniels

Sting b. D-Von via DQ when Aces and 8’s interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I’m dead serious.  That just happened.

That’s the word at the moment.  Odds are this means we’ll have a new TV Champion or the title will be vacated.  It’s not like D-Von was doing much with it anyway though.

Thoughts on this?

It’s official: the apocalypse is upon us.