Impact Wrestling
Date: June 21, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s Open Fight Night 3 and the BFG Series gets going tonight as well. The two main focuses of the show though are going to be Aries decision about forfeiting the X Title in exchange for a world title match and Dixie revealing what is going on with her and AJ. TNA is on a total roll at this point so hopefully they can keep things going. Oh and we might be able to find out who attacked Sting. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Hogan to open things up. He isn’t going to give the masked men any more publicity but things will be made right for Sting. That’s enough about that though so let’s talk about Austin’s choice. Here’s Aries to answer Hogan’s ultimatum. He talks about being given two options, either to drop the title for a shot or keep this title. Aries says he has Option C: he’ll hand over the title for his title shot, but every year the X Champion gets the same option at Destination X. Hogan says ok, and here’s Roode.

Bobby freaks out and asks if Hogan and Aries are kidding him. He told Hogan to stay in the office a long time ago. Roode wants to know what Aries thinks he’s doing because the X Title means nothing to Roode. He talks about how he won’t be a footnote and says he’ll keep his title at Destination X. Aries says this is Open Fight Night so let’s do it right now. They brawl in the aisle until the agents break it up. Once they’re split up, here’s Anderson, who says he’ll win the BFG Series and face the winner.

Bound For Glory Series: Mr. Anderson vs. Christopher Daniels

They’re going to have everyone face everyone in this which is a BIG improvement over last year where they seemingly had people fighting at random. Also every match has a ten minute time limit. Daniels works on the arm of Anderson which may have been injured by Roode last week. An elbow to the face puts Daniels down but the Mic Check is countered into a Blue Thudner Bomb. Anderson pops back up again and hits his spinning neckbreaker into the Mic Check for the pin at 3:04, giving Anderson 7 points.

Rating: C-. This was barely long enough to rate which makes it hard to talk about. This is the first part of a LONG series so it’s hard to say where things are going from here. Anderson seems to be getting a push in this as he’s coming in after being the #1 contender. I’m not wild on either of these guys but how much can you complain about in three minutes?

AJ thinks there’s another way to do this. Dixie isn’t sure.

Brooke is in the back with the Knockouts who might be getting the title match tonight. The girls have to tell her why they want the title. ODB says she’s different than everyone else. Madison says she’s held the title forever and Brooke tells her to drop the crush. Mickie says she’s the best female wrestler in the world and Madison says she’s the second longest reigning champion ever. Madison gets thrown out. Velvet didn’t say anything.

Robbie challenges anyone in the BFG Series to a match.

Bound For Glory Series: Robbie E. vs. Kurt Angle

Suplex, Angle Slam, ankle lock, ten points for Angle in 31 seconds.

Video on Taeler Hendrix who is the Gut Check girl tonight.

Here’s Magnus who says he’s going to pick his opponent for a BFG Series match here. Women around the world want a shot at him so he knows what it’s like to have women trouble. He doesn’t go after other men’s wives though, so AJ, get out here.

Bound For Glory Series: AJ Styles vs. Magnus

AJ charges into the ring and starts fast. A backbreaker puts Magnus down but AJ changes his mind before going up. Magnus pops up and catches AJ’s cross body into a suplex. Cool counter. AJ snaps off his dropkick but the Pele misses. Off to a chinlock which AJ breaks before Daniels and Kaz come out with more papers. The distraction allows Magnus to hit a Juvy Driver for the pin at 2:31 for seven points.

Taeler Hendrix vs. Tara

Gut Check time. Tara suplexes her down but gets caught in a quick sunset flip for two. Tara chokes her in the corner for awhile before getting caught in a Stratusphere. Joseph Park is being taken out for some reason. Hendrix comes back with some clotheslines but a spin kick misses. Widow’s Peak and it’s over at 2:36.

Back from a break and Park wants to know why he’s being taken to the back. It turns out to be a trap set by Ray, who yells at Park. Park talks about Ray beating him up last week and gets shoved for it. If Ray ever sees either of them again, it’ll be the last time they’re ever seen.

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. James Storm

Joe pounds him down into the corner and hits his kick to take Storm down. The armbar is countered as Storm makes the rope so Joe slaps on a nerve hold. Storm fights out of it but walks into a snap powerslam for two, followed by an armbar. They trade forearms but Joe goes back to the arm to slow Storm down. There’s a crossface chickenwing but Storm breaks that quickly as well. The Cowboy goes up top but gets kicked in the head. No MuscleBuster but Joe hooks the Clutch. That gets broken up and the Last Call ends this at 3:56.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but Joe seemed to be outmatches by Storm at almost every turn. I like Joe being all fired up again and he looks like he’s lost some weight on top of that. Storm is pretty clearly the favorite to win the whole series which is probably the right move, but again I don’t know if they need to spend three months building that up when he has a built in story already.

We recap the AJ/Dixie stuff which has been going on for awhile now.

Back to the Knockouts Reality Show with Velvet saying she never got a rematch. ODB gets thrown out because of Eric Young. Next.

Bound For Glory Series: D’Angelo Dinero vs. Bully Ray

This is another call out, this time by Bully. Ray jumps Pope to start and gets some quick two counts. A boot to the face puts Dinero down but a splash misses for Ray. Dinero comes back with some elbows but Ray hits a corner splash. As he pounds away in the corner, here’s Abyss in the crowd. He tells Ray to bring it and the DDE sends Ray to the floor. Abyss comes over the rail and goes after Ray, who gets back in the ring but walks into an STO for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C-. Not much here as these short matches are getting a little annoying. Abyss vs. Ray is still probably the most interesting story on the show right now which is covering a lot of territory. Pope was pretty much there to fill in a spot and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m not sure if he’s going to be able to do that forever.

Hogan makes Hardy vs. RVD as the main event because they’re the only two BFG people that haven’t fought tonight.

Here’s the Montgomery Gentry video with Velvet in it.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Mickie James

Ok then. Feeling out process to start with Mickie taking her down to the mat pretty quickly. She hooks a chinlock with a bridge and even adds in a cheap shot. Mickie hasn’t ever been heel in TNA that I remember so that could be something interesting to see. Brooke gets in a few shots including a facejam out of the corner but Mickie takes her down with that spin kick of hers for two. Tessmacher hooks a sunset flip out of nowhere for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing of note but it was fuel for Mickie’s apparent heel turn. See, this is a big difference in what you get in today’s TNA than what you would likely get under Russo’s TNA. Here, Mickie has had little things like the music video going to Velvet to start her down this path before she just does it. With the old system of stuff, it would happen all of a sudden and you would have to fill in the gaps yourself. Here, it’s slowly built up and we get the payoff for the build. That’s called good storytelling.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Van Dam takes him down with a leg scissors but Jeff speeds things up, hitting a legdrop to the back of Van Dam’s head and a pair of dropkicks for two. Hardy sends him to the floor but van Dam comes off the top with the jumping kick. Rolling Thunder gets two as does the split legged moonsault. Hardy comes back with a bulldog but the Swanton misses. Van Dam goes up and tries a 450 of all things, but Hardy moves. DDT gets two and the Twist gets the pin at 3:48.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good but again the shortness of it isn’t helping anything. The 450 was a nice surprise and it’s good to see someone getting a clean pin in the main event here. Granted that’s what’s been happening lately though so I can’t complain much in that regard either. Good stuff here, but way too short.

Here are AJ and Dixie for the big reveal. The fans still cheer for Styles because he’s their hero. Dixie has trouble talking and AJ says we don’t have to do this. Some woman comes out and says she wants to do this. Both of them seem to know who she is and she seems to be pregnant. She says she’s known both of them forever and says they’ve both helped her a lot. She’s going to tell us the truth: they’re not having an affair.

This chick says she’s an addict and she’s stolen money to pay for it. She’s woken up with a stranger more than once and had to go to AJ and Dixie for help. AJ took her to rehab and the video/photos were about her. Daniels is freaking out in the back and here he comes. AJ runs him over as the girls get out. Here’s Kaz as well and AJ beats him up too. AJ kills Kaz with a powerbomb and Peles Daniels. He pounds away on him as the show ends.

Overall Rating: B-. I was happy with the amount of wrestling we got, although the longest match being less than six minutes if I remember right didn’t help much. I like the way this show is going lately though as Hogan has been kept to a MUCH more reasonable amount and the angles have been given time to grow and develop, which was probably th ebiggest issue with Russo’s booking. Another solid episode here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Jokers Wild
Date: May 3, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the second of the One Night Only shows, meaning that it’s another show taped two months ago and airing now because TNA doesn’t want to do the traditional three hour PPVs every month. The gimmick this month is that we have a bunch of tag matches with random pairings and the winners all go into a gauntlet match with the winner earning $100,000. I don’t get why money isn’t a prize more often in wrestling anymore. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how all of these people are the foundation on which TNA is built. Allegedly this is a NEVER BEFORE SEEN concept, other than all of the other times this has been done over the years with various other endings. In the pure brilliance of TNA, they show us clips of various matches, including one partner turning on another. The idea of a spoiler doesn’t mean much around here does it?

Christy and JB draw names out of a tumbler in the ring to determine the pairings.

James Storm/Christian York vs. Gunner/Crimson

Wow Gunner still has a job? This is kind of an interesting match given that Storm has history with Crimson as Storm ended Crimson’s undefeated streak a year ago. Storm and Crimson get things going here with Crimson using the power game to take over. Storm comes back with a tackle and right hands as Tenay makes WINNING jokes ala Charlie Sheen. A hard clothesline puts Crimson down and it’s off to York who drops a knee for two.

Off to Gunner for the first time in a long time as Tazz makes ball jokes about Christy Hemme. It’s going to be a very long night on commentary. York gets two off a bulldog as we talk about the legendary Murphy. They slug it out for a bit with Gunner taking over, only to be taken down by a kick to the face for two. It’s back to Storm for a wind up poke to the eye before it’s back to York. Christian avoids a rollup but Crimson snaps his neck over the top rope to give Gunner control again.

Now Tenay is talking about walking through Memphis looking for moonshine as the match is ignored for the sake of inside jokes. A high collar suplex puts York down for two and a slingshot suplex gets the same for Gunner. Off to a chinlock by Gunner before Crimson comes in for the same hold. York kicks him away but it’s Gunner breaking up the tag again. Christian kicks him in the head though and it’s hot tag to Storm.

James cleans house and kicks Gunner in the head before getting two off a top rope crossbody. York catapults Gunner into a DDT from Storm for two but Crimson spears Storm down. Storm hits Closing Time on Crimson before York throws Gunner into the Last Call for the pin, advancing Storm and York.

Rating: C. I have a feeling my thoughts on a lot of these matches are going to be the same. This wasn’t bad or anything but the lack of a story is going to bring almost all of these down. Yeah Storm has history with Crimson, but it was a two minute match from a year ago. There’s no reason to watch any of these guys fight tonight other than money, meaning the matches are all going to be judged on in ring work alone. This wasn’t bad, but I can’t imagine them all being this good.

York thanks Storm for being a great partner but reminds Storm that it’s every man for himself in the main event. Storm is just thinking of how much beer a hundred grand can buy.

Jesse Godderz/Mr. Anderson vs. Douglas Williams/Kid Kash

No Tara unfortunately. Anderson comes out like normal to his own music and without the biker gear. Kash and Anderson start things off but Jesse tags in before anything can happen. A quick shoulder sends Godderz into the corner and it’s off to Anderson who might not suck as much. Anderson hits a quick dropkick to put Kash down and it’s back to Jesse for some arm work. He asks for a tag and Anderson isn’t sure if he wants back in or not. The announcers would rather talk about Aces and 8’s rankings and British terminology instead of calling the match.

Williams comes in and gets caught by a hiptoss and backdrop from Anderson. Jesse is jumping up and down to get in the match so it’s off to the rookie for some arm work. He cranks it once and already wants Anderson back in. Since Anderson is getting annoyed he takes more time, allowing Williams to suplex Godderz down. Off to Kash for a release belly to back of his own as the announcers continue to talk about stupid things like the “Pre-Tazz Era” of TNA.

Williams puts a cravate on Jesse for a bit, only to be taken down by a nice leg trip. Godderz still can’t make a tag though as Williams comes in with a clothesline to put him back down for two. Off to Kash again who helps out Williams with a double backdrop as Jesse continues to be picked apart. Back to Williams for a few slams as this gets more and more boring every few seconds. Kash kicks Jesse low and rakes his back a few times as we talk about roulette to keep up the announcers’ trend.

Off to a chinlock by Williams as we talk about gumption, moxie and tomatoes. I know I’m talking about the announcers a lot but it’s by far the most interesting thing in the match so far. Tazz actually says that Aces and 8’s don’t do losses. Jesse sends Kash into the corner but gets kicked in the face and caught with a moonsault out of the corner for two. Godderz is stomped around even more as Tazz talks about getting a furry sidecar on Bully’s bike. The commentary must have been recorded later as Bully wasn’t revealed as part of Aces and 8’s when this was taped.

A clothesline out of the corner takes Williams down and it’s FINALLY off to Anderson to clean house. Anderson hits his rolling fireman’s carry on Williams and loads it up on Kash, only to have Jesse pull Kash down to load up his own finishing move. Anderson kicks Kash down and Mic Checks Godderz before rolling up Kash for the pin.

Rating: D+. Remember what I said about the wrestling being the main thing to go off on this show? In this case it was hindered by Jesse, who is WAY too green to be in there as long as he was. There was a story being told here, but the match was so dull throughout that it didn’t make much of a difference. Anderson looked like a star though.

Bobby Roode says he doesn’t need strategy because he’s a winner in tag matches and single matches.

Crimson and Gunner complain about not being on television lately. Crimson wants to team with Gunner regularly since they’re both war veterans.

Christopher Daniels/Samoa Joe vs. Chavo Guerrero/Rob Van Dam

This should be interesting. Chavo and Daniels get things going and it’s a lengthy feeling out process until Chavo hits a dropkick to put Daniels down. Off to Van Dam for a kick to the face and a standing moonsault for two. Daniels rams RVD into the corner with some shoulders to the ribs, only to have Van Dam roll him up and crank on Daniels’ leg for a bit. Off to Joe vs. Van Dam as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer. Both guys counter everything the other guy throws until Van Dam gets a rollup for two and a standoff.

Chavo comes in and takes over on Daniels by stomping him down in the corner but a single shot allows for the tag off to Joe. Chavo punches Joe down in a rather surprising bit before hitting the slingshot hilo. Daniels cheats from the apron and comes in with more choking. Back to Joe for some headbutts and the enziguri in the corner for two. Back to the ball jokes by the announcers which never were funny in the first place. Off to Daniels for a chinlock as the match slows down a bit.

Chavo fights up with some elbows to the ribs as Tenay and Tazz talk about a party in the Aces and 8’s clubhouse. Back to Joe for the rapid fire punches in the corner followed by a crossface chinlock of his own. Guerrero gets back up but walks into a powerslam for two. Daniels comes in with an elbow drop and puts on what looks like a Tazmission. Chavo finally gets up but both guys try cross bodies and collide in the air.

Daniels drags Chavo back into the corner and Joe pounds him down again. An overhead suplex gets two on Guerrero and we hit the chinlock again. Joe loads up the Muscle Buster but Daniels tags himself in instead. A top rope cross body puts Daniels down and there’s the hot tag off to RVD.

Rob cleans house and hits a running spinwheel kick in the corner followed by Rolling Thunder for two. Everything breaks down and Joe hits a high collar suplex on Guerrero. Van Dam kicks Joe down but Daniels crotches him as he loads up the Five Star. Chavo takes Daniels to the floor, but Joe runs up and hits the Muscle Buster on Van Dam for the pin to advance.

Rating: B-. Definitely the best match of the night so far with all four guys knowing how to work the tag team formula quite well. Joe is the kind of guy that can work face or heel at the drop of a hat so we could easily have a face/heel dynamic. This is also the longest of the tag matches and that’s likely a good thing. Pretty solid match here.

Daniels celebrates like he just won the world title.

Godderz says he was responsible for 80%-90% of the offense and that he needs the money to fund his Hollywood parties. Anderson volunteers to throw everyone else out and let Godderz win tonight. Jesse leaves and Anderson says that’s not happening. Godderz is kind of funny at least.

Robbie E/Zema Ion vs. Bobby Roode/Joseph Park

Time for things to get wacky! Park wants to call the team Law and Order but Roode says no and calls Park Tons of Fun. Roode and Zema get things going as Park grabs the tag rope. Bobby runs over Zema and does the same to Robbie just because he can. Roode cranks on the arm and finally tags in the already sweating Park. Robbie seems to enjoy the prospects of fighting Park but Joseph is fascinated by the spiked hair. Roode: “TAG ME BACK IN YOU MORON!” Robbie tries a cross body but bounces off Park like he’s a wall. Park counters a slam into one of his own and the comedy continues.

Zema finally trips Park up and Robbie kicks away at the knee. Off to Ion with a missile dropkick and a middle rope forearm from Robbie for two. Back to Ion who tries a sunset flip but has to avoid a cannonball from Park. Robbie pounds away even more and the big man is taken down by a double back elbow. Ion comes back in to try a 450 but Park rolls away. He goes the wrong way and takes most of the splash but at least he tried.

Park punches Robbie in the head a few times but hits the middle rope splash for two instead. Ion uses Robbie as a springboard to hit Park in the corner, busting him open. Park snaps and it’s a chokeslam for Ion, a Black Hole Slam for Robbie….and he snaps back into reality. Roode tags himself back in and steals the pin for his team.

Rating: D+. Just a basic comedy tag match which was fine for the most part. The problem with comedy matches is that you can only reach a certain level with them and this match didn’t quite get there. Park is great in the role though and he played it perfectly here. The match was just kind of there though and it felt longer than it should have been.

Roode doesn’t want a hug post match.

Daniels celebrates in the back and offers to buy Joe dinner with the winnings. Joe says only one person can win and he’ll see Daniels out there.

D-Von asks Val if she’s part of the conspiracy to bring down TNA. He says that TNA can do nothing to stop them because this is their year. D-Von offers to give Val a job where he makes it rain.

D-Von/Doc vs. Alex Silva/Hernandez

Well that’s quite a coincidence. D-Von and Silva start things off and after about two minutes of circling each other we get some actual contact. Silva gets pounded down in the corner and D-Von is toying with him. A one footed dropkick staggers D-Von and it’s off to Hernandez to give him a real challenge. Off to Doc for the power vs. power match with both guys getting to show off their strength.

A delayed vertical suplex puts Doc down and it’s off to Silva who is promptly destroyed. D-Von crotches him against the post and it’s off to a chinlock by Doc. Off to D-Von again for a knee drop and a two count as Silva continues to be beaten down. Doc comes in with a legdrop for two and some elbows to the chest. A big splash gets another two as Silva’s destruction continues. D-Von puts on a front facelock but Silva escapes for the tag off to Hernandez. SuperMex cleans house but Alex tags himself back in like an idiot. A missile dropkick gets two on Doc but he gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin to advance.

Rating: D+. So a team that regularly works together is better than a thrown together team with a rookie for a member. It took ten minutes to get that point across? There’s nothing special to see here and if I have to hear about Taz’s sidecar one more time I’m going to lose my mind. The commentary on this show is absolutely horrible and it’s driving me insane.

Joey Ryan and Matt Morgan talk about percentages. I like Scott Steiner’s math a lot better.

Joseph Park talks about how important wins are. Christopher Daniels runs up and says he needs help. Joseph: “I told you she was seventeen!” Daniels offers Park 30% of the $100,000 (“$25,000 isn’t bad!”) for an alliance (“Your back is bigger than mine so I’ll be doing more work.”) but Park says no. He says if he wins, he’ll donate the money to a children’s charity in Chicago.

Matt Morgan/Robbie T vs. Joey Ryan/Al Snow

Wow, you mean people that don’t like each other are teaming together? That’s WACKY BROTHER! Once we were down to just two people left, why was Morgan surprised that Ryan was one of his opponents? Joey tries to run but Snow throws him back in to face Morgan. As Snow is throwing him in though, Ryan makes a quick tag so Snow gets the beating from Terry. Off to Morgan for some stomping of the ribs, which are covered in workout gear instead of wrestling attire.

Snow tries to get in a few shots but Robbie shrugs them off and rips at Al’s face. Tazz spends the whole match ripping into Snow for various reasons. Ryan bails away from a tag attempt as Tenay explains the Gut Check history between Snow and Ryan. Snow finally speeds things up a bit but Terry hooks a neckbreaker to put him right back down. We hit the chinlock for a bit as Terry tries to not screw stuff up. In an odd sequence, Snow catches Terry’s kick to the ribs, then tries a kick of his own which is also caught. He flips Terry off and hits an enziguri (to the shoulder) before making the tag.

Ryan is finally in and is immediately destroyed by Terry who hits a World’s Strongest Slam for two….as Matt Morgan makes the save. Morgan yells at Terry that Ryan is his partner, so Terry throws Ryan to a weakened Snow for a tag. Now Snow tries to get Terry to join up with him against Morgan before smacking Morgan in the face. Matt comes in and Snow is all fired up….and he tags Joey in. Morgan tries to tag in Terry as this completely falls apart. Snow bails from an attempted tag and runs a lap around the ring. Ryan offers to lay down and then jumps Morgan with the weakest forearms ever. The Carbon Footprint kills Ryan dead.

Rating: F. I have no idea what they were going for here, but it didn’t work. The fact that Ryan and Snow’s story was six months ago didn’t help at all here. I’m not sure what the rest of the story was supposed to be but whatever it was, it couldn’t have gone much worse. Absolutely terrible here and the last thing this show needed.

Joseph Park says he’s very tired but it was awesome to team with Roode. He doesn’t remember how they won at all though. Park also has no idea how a gauntlet match works.

Al Snow (in an interview clearly taped before the match as he looks perfectly fine) says he got his revenge on Ryan, which is worth more than the money.

We look back at the six matches to recap things.

Gauntlet Battle Royal

It’s basically a 12 man Royal Rumble meaning you eliminate people by going over the top and the winner get the money. Storm is #1 and Roode is #2. I think there are two minute intervals between entrants here. Roode sends him into the corner to start and pounds away as the announcers make thinly veiled references to the Royal Rumble. Storm comes back with an atomic drop and a backdrop before pounding away in the corner. Roode holds off elimination until D-Von is #3. That would put the intervals at about 90 seconds.

Storm gets double teamed for the entire time as Doc is #4. Seriously, there was nothing to talk about in that whole stretch. The bikers beat on the former Beer Money as Tazz asks what kind of a roller coaster he is. Storm gets up a boot in the corner and D-Von is in trouble. A double suplex puts Doc down and a double clothesline puts him out. D-Von clotheslines both guys down and Jesse Godderz is #5.

D-Von chokes Storm in the corner as Roode beats on Godderz. Bobby tries to put Storm out but Jesse the idiot breaks it up. Christian York is #6 as everyone fights each other. D-Von takes turns beating on Godderz and York as Beer Money continues their eternal feud. Joseph Park is #7 and appears to be sweating before he makes it to the ring. Now the intervals are at two minutes.

Roode offers an alliance with Park but kicks him in the ribs instead. Park runs him over before pounding on York in the corner, only to be hit low by D-Von. We’re into your standard battle royal formula here: a lot of stomping and punching near the ropes with the occasional attempted elimination. Mr. Anderson is #8 and still showing no indication of being part of Aces and 8’s here. He chops Jesse and hands him to Park for the easy elimination.

Now Anderson goes after Park for a bit before heading towards D-Von. The camera cuts away and once we go back, it’s Anderson working on Storm. Nice editing there. Park has D-Von in trouble in the corner but he sneaks back in. Daniels is #9 and you know he’s strutting on the way to the ring. He and Roode team up to have Park in trouble but an eye rake keeps the big man safe. Daniels is the only one doing much at the moment as we’re firmly in the battle royal lull.

Samoa Joe is #10 and he goes right for Daniels with rapid fire right hands. Now he’s after D-Von as Tazz freaks out. York and Daniels both survive elimination attempts and not a lot else happens at the moment. Rob Terry is #11 which means Morgan is #12. Terry starts cleaning house with clotheslines and throws out York to clear some space. Daniels joins York on the floor at Terry’s hands before Anderson misses a charge and goes out as well.

Here’s Morgan at #12, giving us a final grouping of Storm, Roode, D-Von, Park, Joe, Terry and Morgan. Terry tells Morgan to bring it on but D-Von and Park break up the staredown. Now it’s Park vs. Morgan and Joseph is out before I can finish typing that. Joe gets a running start at Morgan but is easily tossed out as well to get us down to five. A very low blow from Morgan is enough to eliminate Terry so we’ve got D-Von, Roode, Storm and Morgan.

Speaking of Morgan, he misses the Carbon Footprint and hits the ropes, allowing Storm to forearm him out. With the referee not looking, Knux of Aces and 8’s comes out and pulls Roode through the ropes and out to the floor. Knux tries to cheat again but D-Von hits him by mistake, allowing Storm to toss D-Von. Roode throws Storm over but makes the eternal mistake of not watching him the floor. One Last Call later and Storm wins the money.

Rating: D+. It’s a battle royal. What else do you want me to say here? It followed the same plot that almost all matches like this one follow, meaning it was ok once in awhile but for the most part there’s nothing of note to see. Storm winning is fine, although I’m really getting tired of people going bell to bell in battle royals. We get it: it’s something impressive. Let it rest already.

Lots of beer is consumed and Storm gets a massive check. He says the drinks are on him tonight and sorry about all the losers’ luck.

Apparently the next one of these is Hardcore Justice, which will include a Team 3D reunion and the return of some old hardcore guys, including Homicide, Hardcore Holly (he was never in TNA was he?) and…..Jackie Moore. DANG IT ALL!!!!!

Overall Rating: D+. As is going to be the case with these shows, the overall rating is a bit lighter than on other shows. At the end of the day, these shows are nothing of note and are there to fill in a spot. It was $15 for an HD PPV that runs over two and a half hours, so how much can you really complain? The concept is just ok and the ending is nothing special, but I’ve seen FAR worse PPVs. X-Travaganza was better though, and I can’t see many dropping lower than this one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 25, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley

We’re live again in a city I’ve never heard of. After last week the main story is that AJ walked away while the Bikers beat down James Storm. That doesn’t mean Styles has joined up with them but it does mean that the story must continue. Other than that it’s hard to say what’s coming because nothing of note seems to be continuing over to this week. At least we’re live though. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last week with Ray saying he wanted to see Hulk face to face tonight.

The Bikers arrive and are met by security but Ray shouts his way past them.

Here’s James Storm to open things up. He says he’s still feeling the effects of the fight last week and here’s Styles standing in the crowd. Storm says he isn’t going to cry over spilled milk because he’s a beer drinker. However, he does have something to say about the Aces and 8’s who jumped him last week. If they want a fight, all they have to do is ask him. If any of them want a fight one on one, come see him.

Instead he gets Bad Influence who were also attacked by the bikers last week. Hogan may not have an answer to Aces and 8’s, but the two of them do. The magic number to stop Aces and 8’s is four, as in Fourtune. Kaz says AJ needs to stop looking like a Twilight vampire because they forgive him. He offers to reform Fourtune to fight the bikers but AJ doesn’t move.

Storm doesn’t seem interested so Kaz calls him irrelevant. The brawl is on and Storm gets beaten down and left laying after a low blow. Here come Aces and 8’s and Anderson loads up a powerbomb through a table, but Joseph Park comes in for a save. He gets beaten down as well. AJ is still standing stoically as Knucks and Doc load up a double chokeslam on Park….but Bully calls them off. Instead it’s a 3D through the table (kind of as Ray never got the Cutter correctly) and the bikers stand tall.

Post break Park is taken out on a stretcher and Aces and 8’s are still in the ring. Ray talks about how no one can stop them and Hogan has until the end of the show to answer the challenge.

Tenay tells us that Hogan has left the building for no apparent reason.

We get a video on Mickie James beating Tessmacher to earn the title shot.

Taryn Terrell vs. Tara

Before the bell, Hogan is here so apparently he was off doing something. No Jesse with Tara here but she jumps Taryn to start. Terrell comes back with a jumping neckbreaker and some hair drags, only to be draped over the top rope to stop her cold. Tara sends her chest first into the buckle and slams Taryn face first into the mat a few times. Off to a bridging Indian Deathlock by Tara followed by some rollups for two.

Tara yells at referee ODB before choking Taryn in the air. A slingshot sends Taryn’s throat into the bottom rope for two more but Tara misses the slingshot legdrop. Taryn goes up top but misses a cross body, allowing Tara to hit the spinning side slam for no cover. Tara loads up the shaky moonsault but gets rolled up for the pin at 6:36.

Rating: C-. The match sucked for the most part but I’ve seen worse. The most impressive thing about this was probably Taryn. Yeah she sucks in the ring, but considering she’s only there for her looks and how good she fills out a tiny pair of shorts, I’ve seen FAR worse. Not terrible here but too long.

Robbie tries to fire up Jesse for his match later with Rob Terry. Once Jesse wins, he goes down in history with the great Bro’s of all time: George Washington, Al Bundy and Oprah. Jesse says he doesn’t need Robbie’s help.

Rob Terry vs. Jesse Godderz

Terry runs over Jesse to start as I guess the battle of the Rob’s is just continuing. Robbie E tries to distract Terry but Rob throws Jesse around by the throat. A second try at the distraction works a bit better and Jesse gets in some shots to the back and a dropkick. Jesse goes up but jumps into a powerslam for two as Robbie grabs the referee’s feet. Jesse tries to jump Terry again but gets launched into Robbie instead. Back in and the big spinebuster gets the pin on Jesse at 2:55.

Bad Influence offers Roode a spot in Fourtune. He thinks about it and Aries is lurking behind a wall.

We look at the Full Metal Mayhem match from a few weeks ago. Apparently Hardy is considering walking away from wrestling due to his injuries in that match.

Chris Sabin is coming back from injury.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

Before the match Aries talks to Roode in the back and asks if Fourtune is what Roode wants to do. If they were so awesome, why did they just break up so fast? If they’re so great, why was Aries the one that beat him for the world title? Daniels has replaced Tenay on commentary for this match. Aries rides Chavo down to start and spins around on him, only to walk into a dropkick. Off to Hernandez for a splash for two on Roode before the delayed suplex puts Bobby down again.

SuperMex misses his running dive from the ramp and Roode pounds away. Off to Aries with the slingshot hilo followed by an Eddie dance for two. Roode comes back in for a Russian legsweep for two and here’s Aries with a front facelock. Hernandez makes a comeback with Daniels blaming Aries for the mistakes and calling Roode a ring sergeant.

Chavo tries the Three Amigos but has to settle for a spinning DDT on Roode. Everything breaks down but a Kazarian distraction lets Roode hit the spinebuster, only to have Hernandez kick Bobby into the ropes, crotching Aries in the process. Kaz interferes again and Daniels sneaks in….and accidentally take out Roode. Chavo Frog Splashes Roode to retain at 8:55.

Rating: C+. Bad Influence and Aries/Roode are some of the most entertaining guys in the sport right now, so we can’t get the tag belts off Chavo/Hernandez because…..someone complete that sentence for me. Why in the world do we have to sit through those two with the belts for so long? Their matches are pretty good but other than that there’s NOTHING of interest about them.

Matt Morgan says he’ll explain his solution to TNA’s problems in the ring and Hogan is invited.

We look at Hogan’s mistakes over the last few weeks.

Here’s Morgan in the ring to talk about Hogan’s mistakes. It started with Ray being allowed into the Hogan family and then naming him #1 contender to the world title. Morgan talks about Sting and Hogan being best friends for twenty plus years (I laughed out loud) and causing Hardy to be stretchered out. Cue Hulk for the showdown.

The fans chant for Hogan as Morgan says Hulk is out of backup. Tonight the bikers are going to beat Hogan down so Morgan offers himself as the solution to Aces and 8’s. He says that if Hulk gives him the chance, he’ll Carbon Footprint Ray’s head into the fifth row. However, there’s a catch: Morgan has to get the title shot at Slammiversary. Hulk says he Matt had him believing but at the end of the day, Morgan has done too much to Hogan for give him his shot. Hogan: “I never heard Andre the Giant whining.” Uh Hulk…..where were you when Wrestlemania III was being set up?

Bully makes the Bikers swear to not interfere.

You can vote for who gets an X Title shot.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky

The fans are extra excited for some reason here. Feeling out process to start until Velvet (defending here) hits a kick to the back and a low dropkick for two. She seems to be favoring her recently injured knee though. The knee gives out in the middle of an Irish whip and Mickie gets a fast two count. A kneeling leg lock has Velvet in trouble and we take a break.

Back with Mickie still cranking on the knee but Sky uses the good leg to kick out of the corner. The champion’s knee is suddenly FINE and she fights back with clotheslines and chops. A hard whip takes out the knee but Velvet hits a quick Russian legsweep for two. Mickie gets the same off the Thesz Press from the top and backdrops out of In Yo Face. The MickieDT is countered but the knee gives out again. Mickie dropkicks the knee….and is small packaged for the pin to keep the title on Velvet at 11:10. It’s as quick as it sounds.

Rating: D+. The story was fine but Velvet continues to be embarrassing in the ring. The knee suddenly being fine was really annoying and the ending was botched beyond belief. I couldn’t tell who got the pin until the music was playing and that’s not a good sign at all. Nothing to see here and I have no idea why they’re keeping the title on Velvet other than to give it to Terrell eventually.

Bully Ray says he’s finishing Hogan tonight.

Hulk is talking to Brooke and we get some bad acting from the daughter. Hulk promises he’ll be right back and has to do this alone.

Here’s Ray in the ring to list off everyone Aces and 8’s have taken out. There’s only Hogan left so get out here right now. Ray gets in Hogan’s face and says Hogan fears him because Ray reminds Hulk of himself. Ray says they’re both the last of a dying breed but Hulk says Hulkamania will never die.

The champ spits in Hogan’s face so Hogan tears the shirt open and points the finger in Hulk’s face. Ray points a finger in Hulk’s face and the fight is on. Ray of course runs and says surround the ring. Hogan is in trouble but the lights go out and Sting appears for the save. The Bikers run away and the old guys stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t their best work. The Hogan stuff was by far the focus of the show and Hulk continued to prove why he’s kind of an idiot as GM. The wrestling was nothing special at all and this did nothing to make me want to see where this is going. It all feels like we’ve seen this before, which we have although it was in WCW. Now that story was sixteen years ago so it’s more than fair grounds to copy it, but at least give us something different. Not much to see here.

Results

Taryn Terrell b. Tara – Rollup

Rob Terry b. Jesse Godderz – Spinebuster

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode – Frog Splash to Roode

Velvet Sky b. Mickie James – Small Package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

X-Travaganza
Date: April 5, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

This is the first in a series of shows TNA is putting on called One Night Only. Since they’ve drastically cut back on the number of PPVs they air a year, these shows are supposed to fill in the gaps. They’re completely non-storyline based and will all have a theme, such as this one which is all about the X-Division. This was taped back in January I believe. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look back at the history of the X-Division, which is a good flashback for modern fans because the current stuff is so far removed from the old days. A lot of the focus here is on Joe and Aries, which I believe is the main event tonight.

Ultimate X is back tonight. Cool.

Yeah Aries vs. Joe tonight.

Tonight we’re going to be looking at the Top Ten X-Division Moments. If Unbreakable isn’t #1, this list is a joke. AJ winning the first X Title is #10. Good match that.

Matt Bentley vs. Alex Silva vs. Lince Dorado vs. Sam Shaw vs. Puma vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Christian York

This is an X-Scape match, which means it’s pin/submission under elimination rules until we’re down to two, then the first person to get out of the cage wins. Bentley (then Michael Shane) winning the first Ultimate X match is moment #9. Shawn, York and Silva are Gut Check guys (actually Silva and Shaw were OVW Tag Team Champions as the Gutcheckers until about a week ago). The rest used to be in the X-Division but most of them aren’t much to talk about. Thankfully you have to tag here so things aren’t completely insane.

Dorado (who I don’t think has ever wrestled in TNA actually) and Silva start things off. Lince flips over Silva in the corner and armdrags Silva down before climbing another corner for a nice rana. Off to York to face Dorado but Lince is quickly replaced by Puma. York escapes a rana attempt but Puma does an Ultimo Dragon headstand in the corner before coming out with a headscissors for no cover.

Rave and Silva take over on York with some double stomping before only Jimmy stays in. Everything breaks down with everyone inside and Dorado and York pounding away on Rave in the corner. Dorado hits a tornado DDT on Christian for two as things settle down. York comes back with knee lifts and a neckbreaker to take Lince down. Off to Shawn vs. Silva with Sam hitting some dropkicks to take over. Bentley comes in again and suplexes Shaw down before hitting his cousin’s (Shawn Michaels. Seriously) top rope elbow for two.

York comes back in, only to be rolled up by Dorado for two. A springboard dropkick has York in trouble but he doesn’t feel like selling apparently. Instead of like, falling down, York pops back up and hits his swinging neckbreaker to eliminate Dorado. Puma comes in to face York and apparently Taz really likes saying his name. A middle rope dropkick puts York down and it’s off to Shaw. An Orton backbreaker and neckbreaker quickly take out Puma and we’re down to five.

Silva comes in to pound on Shaw and hits what I think was a running kick to the chest for two. Off to Bentley as Tenay picks everyone to win. Who does he think he is? Bobby Heenan? Shaw comes back in and hits the same two move combination for two but Bentley comes in and breaks up the cover to steal the pin on Silva. Uh….ok? Rave comes in to stomp Shaw (I keep writing Shawn for his name) in the corner. Shaw rams himself into the cage and gets caught in a kind of snap reverse Angle Slam for a pin by Rave.

We’re down to York, Bentley and Rave now in case you’ve had issues keeping track. Rave and Bentley start double teaming York and for once it actually works. They both get in a steady stream of shots on York until he gets a boot up onto Matt’s jaw. The rolling neckbreaker takes out Bentley and we’re down to Rave vs. York. Rave immediately takes York down and goes to escape but Christian is right there to break it up.

They fight on the top rope with both guys being rammed head first into the cage. Rave sends York back down to the mat but he climbs too slow again. Taz continues an unfunny running joke that Rave is Todd Keneley as York sits on top of the cage and pounds away. Rave pulls him down again and they fight on the top one more time before York hits a swinging neckbreaker off the top. That and a kick to send Rave back down is enough for the win for York.

Rating: C+. This was fine. The X-Division was built around a bunch of crazy matches like this one and while it never hit a high level like some of them did, it was still fun enough for what it was supposed to be. The talent level was lacking a bit here but for the guys and match style we had, this worked out pretty well. York winning is the right idea, given that he’s the only active guy in the match.

Moment #8 is Ultimate X from Victory Road 2008. I believe this was the World X Cup, which is an international competition which was cool in nature but it never quite worked. Kaz diving off the tower to legdrop Daivari was pretty awesome though.

Rashad Cameron and Anthony Nese are ready for Kid Kash and Douglas Williams. It’s old school vs. new school apparently, despite Cameron being around for like two matches. Rashad is very proud to be from Philly. He’s a bit famous as Sabian in indy companies like CZW.

Rashad Cameron/Anthony Nese vs. Kid Kash/Douglas Williams

Williams and Cameron start things off with Doug looking older than usual. Doug takes him down by the leg and puts on a kind of reverse Boston Crab where Kash can kick Cameron in the face. Cameron and Williams run the ropes a bit until Rashad dropkicks Doug down. Off to Kash as this could be a trainwreck in a hurry. Thankfully Nese comes in quickly and things speed WAY up as they trade controlling holds on the mat. We get some sweet chain wrestling until Kash takes over with knees and chops.

Nese comes out of the corner with a spinning cross body for two and a clothesline to send Kash to the floor. Anthony loads up a dive, only to be taken down by Williams. Doug heads to the floor with Kash and there’s a big dive by Cameron, followed by an even better one by Nese. Back in and Nese jumps into a forearm from Kash as Taz is talking about investment banking and area codes.

Williams knocks Cameron off the apron as the old guys take over on Nese. Kash comes in for some solid stomping before it’s back to Williams. The old guys do some old school double teaming on Cameron who has no idea how to deal with it. Kash and Earl Hebner get into it a bit in the corner before Kash hits a hard chop on Cameron. Back to Williams for a kick to the back and a nice snap suplex for no cover.

Kash comes in to work on the knee in a vain attempt to add some psychology here. Some hard kicks by Kash to the chest keep Cameron down as Taz starts talking about Aces and 8’s. Well we made it through forty minutes so it was bound to happen soon. Kash breaks up a quick comeback with a forearm but his moonsault hits knees. Hot (I think?) tag brings in Nese as things speed up again.

Back to Williams who misses a clothesline and gets kicked down by Nese. A nice pumphandle powerbomb gets two for Anthony as everything breaks down. Nese hits a running knee to Williams’ head for two as Rashad dives on Kash on the floor. A quick rollup gets two for Anthony but he gets caught in the Rolling Chaos Theory for the pin by Williams.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work for me. I’m not a fan of most of the guys in this match and the ending was just kind of there. That’s one of the major problems with this show: there aren’t going to be any in depth stories and barely any stories at all. That’s fine if the matches are really good, but this was only decent at best.

Moment #7 is Joe winning his first X Title by beating AJ at Turning Point 2005.

Samoa Joe says he’ll do anything to win tonight. He says he’ll choke Aries out.

Here’s Robbie E to say he invented the X-Division. He’s the best X wrestler and champion of all time and claims to have wrestled in Antarctica. Therefore, he’ll let us applaud him because we’re so lucky. Cue Chavo Guerrero to mention his family name in an attempt to get people to care about him. The match is made, and Joseph Park is referee because his brother Abyss was X Champion at one point.

Robbie E. vs. Chavo Guerrero

Robbie says he hates Park but insists on Park checking Chavo for weapons. E has to be checked as well so Park pats Robbie’s hair in a funny bit. They go into the corner to start with Chavo getting on Robbie’s nerves for being too aggressive. Robbie hits a quick backdrop to the floor but misses a dive to give Chavo control. Back in and the slingshot hilo gets two, despite Park barely being able to move.

They trade some kicks to the ribs with Robbie taking over via a middle rope elbow for two. Off to a chinlock but Chavo quickly fights up and dropkicks Robbie down. A spinwheel kick puts E down again but Robbie misses a crossbody and lands on Park. Joseph slams him down and it’s Three Amigos and Frog Splash to end Robbie.

Rating: D. This wasn’t much at all and Park added next to nothing to it. Robbie isn’t much to see other than a comedy character and Chavo isn’t much better. Yeah, Chavo is Eddie’s nephew and that’s about all he’s got as far as a character goes. I’m just not a fan of these guys and the match was pretty dull stuff.

We get a highlight reel of the craziest moves in X-Division history. If you consider a top rope cross body to be crazy I guess.

Kenny King (not even holding the X Title here) is ready for Ultimate X.

Moment #6 (I’m assuming these are being counted down. They aren’t being given individual numbers) is Ultimate X. Not a specific one or anything. Just Ultimate X in general.

Zema Ion vs. Mason Andres vs. Rubix vs. Kenny King

In case you couldn’t tell, this is Ultimate X. Tenay says this is “just the 29^th time we’ve unleashed Ultimate X.” Yep, just 29 in ten years. By comparison, there have been 14 TLC matches in 13 years. The idea here is there are two ropes crossing way above the ring, forming an X. At their intersection there’s a big red X and whoever pulls that down wins. You have to use the ropes above the ring to pull yourself to the X to pull it down as the ropes are about seven feet above the top ropes of the ring.

Everything breaks down to start with Ion being sent to the floor. Rubix and Andrews go at it with Rubix taking him to the mat with an armdrag. King takes Rubix down with a sidekick but Ion is back in to take Kenny down as well. Andrews and Ion head down to the floor with King hitting a spinning springboard legdrop on Rubix back inside. Everyone is on the floor now as Taz keeps up his stupid jokes by calling Rubix Rubic like the cube.

Andrews and Ion are back inside with Mason going up, only to be pulled back down by Zema. Rubix comes back in with a sweet dropkick to Ion, sending him out to the floor. Rubix drops a slingshot legdrop on Andrews but Mason comes right back and pounds away on Ion in the corner. Ion slams Rubix down off the top as the match slows down a lot. King goes after Rubix’s mask in the corner but Andrews suplexes him off the top to save Rubix’s identity (which would be Jigsaw from Chikara).

Andrews stops Rubix from going for the X as Taz keeps the stupid running joke going. King dives out onto Rubix so Andrews dives down onto King to take both guys down. Ion hits a BIG corkscrew dive off the top onto Andrews and King to a rather weak reaction from the crowd. Rubix climbs up the structure in the corner to dive onto all three guys before heading back inside to go after the X.

It’s Kenny making the save though by pulling Rubix down into the Royal Flush to send Rubix to the floor. Ion crotches King in the corner but Kenny sends Zema to the floor to break up a superplex. Andrews manages to pull King down but Ion stops him from climbing across. Rubix comes back in and hits a dropkick on Ion and a tornado DDT on Andrews at the same time. Everyone is in a corner now and it’s Andrews going up, only to be pulled down into a German suplex by Rubix.

Rubix goes to the corner, only to be shoved down by Ion. Rubix and King team up to stop Ion with Rubix sending Ion into the structure in the corner. A dropkick takes King down but Andrews drives a knee into Rubix’s head. Ion and Andrews go across the ropes and meet in the middle above the ring with Andrews pulling Ion down in a Downward Spiral. In an anti-climactic ending, Rubix goes up and pulls down the X….but apparently he has to touch the mat. King catches him on the way down and steals the X to win.

Rating: B-. This was fun but the highspots were kind of lacking. It’s definitely entertaining, but again this doesn’t really mean anything and it was pretty clear that King or Ion was going to get the win. King stealing it was a nice touch but this was lacking the huge death defying nature of most of the Ultimate X matches.

Moment #5 is Brian Kendrick beating Abyss for the X Title at Destination X 2011, which was indeed an awesome moment.

Bad Influence says they’re national treasures and inspirations to children nationwide.

Sonjay Dutt and Petey Williams say that Petey was exercising when he was in his mother’s womb.

Moment #4 is the entire AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels rivalry.

Bad Influence vs. Petey Williams/Sonjay Dutt

Williams and Daniels get things going with Petey being sent in the corner but coming out with a headscissors and a smack to the face of Kazarian. Off to Dutt for a double elbow for a two count and some shoulders into Daniels’ ribs in the corner. Kaz comes in and ducks a kick, only to be caught by a standing moonsault for two. A dropkick gets the same for Dutt and it’s back to Petey.

Williams hooks a Sharpshooter on Kaz while Dutt hooks an Octopus Hold on Daniels. Petey hits some slick combo moves on both guys by hitting both guys at once before shrugging off a double leg drag. Kaz finally comes back and drapes Williams over the top rope to send him to the floor and take over. Off to Daniels for his slingshot elbow drop followed by the slingshot legdrop from Kaz for two. Daniels hooks a test of strength on Petey and climbs the rope to drive a knee into his chest for two.

We hit the nerve hold by Daniels for a bit before Petey is driven into the corner to break up a comeback. Kaz comes in for a front facelock as things slow down a bit as you would expect them to at some point. Petey finally fights up and gets to the corner for the hot tag to Sonjay. Dutt hits a cool bulldog into the middle buckle and a springboard legdrop onto the back of Daniels’ head for two.

Sonjay misses a springboard clothesline to Daniels and gets caught by a tornado DDT for Kazarian as Taz rips into Earl Hebner for being old. Dutt escapes Fade to Black but gets caught in a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo for two. Williams comes back in for his headscissors into a Russian legsweep for two on Daniels but Kaz breaks up the Canadian Destroyer.

Dutt hits a standing Sliced Bread on Kaz for two more but Daniels makes the save. Petey sends Daniels to the floor and hits a sweet slingshot rana to take him down. Dutt kicks Kaz in the head and loads up the moonsault double stomp, only to have Daniels break things up. Fade to Black puts Dutt down and the BME is good for the pin for Daniels.

Rating: B. Good fast paced formula based tag match here and that’s really hard to screw up when you have talented guys like these people. Dutt continues to look awesome since his comeback to the company but unfortunately TNA feels the need to focus on bland guys like Zema Ion for reasons I can’t fathom.

Williams hits the Destroyer on Kaz post match for old times sake. Petey wound up getting a job out of this performance.

We recap Jerry Lynn vs. RVD, or at least as much of it as we can without the ECW footage. I know this is blasphemy, but I’ve never really cared for their matches.

Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

This is part of Lynn’s retirement tour and is No DQ because that’s what these matches always are. Feeling out process to start with Van Dam getting a quick rollup for two until we get a standoff. Lynn is in a sleeveless shirt here, likely due to reasons of fat or injury. A clothesline puts Van Dam down but RVD comes back with his stepover kick to send Jerry to the floor. Van Dam follows him out, only to be sent into the barricade. Jerry slides back in but charges into a spin kick from Van Dam.

Rob brings in a chair but gets caught by a clothesline as he rolls towards Jerry in the corner. They head to the floor again with Van Dam draping him over the barricade for the legdrop to the back. Now Van Dam sets up a table in the corner but Jerry hits a springboard legdrop to the back of RVD’s head to take over. Van Dam escapes a DDT but gets caught by a neckbreaker for two. A clothesline from Lynn puts both guys on the floor where Rob sets up another table.

Lynn is sent back inside but Van Dam can’t suplex him through the table on the floor. A sunset bomb is blocked and Rob hits a legdrop onto Lynn on the apron. Back in again and Jerry hits a jawbreaker to stagger both guys but Rob gets the chair from earlier. His monkey flip out of the corner is countered into a release powerbomb onto the chair for two. The cradle piledriver is countered into a rollup for two for Van Dam and but he takes too long picking up a chair and gets speared through the table in the corner for two.

Van Dam’s northern lights suplex onto a chair gets two on Lynn and there’s a springboard kick to the face to put Lynn down again. The Five Star hits chair only and Jerry rolls him up for two. Van Dam tries to leg sweep Jerry but gets legdropped into the chair in a nice counter. Lynn gets two more off a bad TKO onto a chair and both guys are down again. Lynn takes the chair up top but a Van Daminator sends him very softly through the table on the floor. That gets two back inside and a good looking Five Star is enough for the pin for RVD, again with very little reaction from the crowd.

Rating: C+. This was a lightning fast match with some amazing counters and speed moves…..fourteen years ago. Now it’s two guys who are nowhere near as fast as they used to be and doing a lot of the same spots which were awesome back in the day but now are the same ones we’ve seen time and time again. The match isn’t horrible but it was clearly about five steps slower than their older matches.

Lynn and Van Dam hug and the locker room comes out to wish Jerry goodbye.

Moment #3 is Aries winning the X Title.

Aries says that Joe may be the best X-Division guy ever, but Aries is the greatest man that ever lived.

Jerry Lynn says he didn’t expect to have another match in TNA after Bound For Glory so this was a nice surprise. Van Dam and Jerry talk about their history together for a bit in a nice moment.

Moment #2 is Aries cashing in his X Title for a world title match which he won in a big surprise.

Moment #1 is of course the Unbreakable triple threat. It’s the best match the company has ever produced. Was there ever any doubt about this being #1? I have no idea why there would have been. We get comments from all three people who speak of it nearly in awe.

Austin Aries vs. Samoa Joe

Main event time so we get big match intros. Feeling out process to start as neither guy seems enthusiastic to get going. Joe escapes a headlock and shoulders Aries to the floor. Back in and Joe cranks on the arm, only to have Aries nip up into a headlock. We actually hear about Joe’s 21 month ROH undefeated streak in ROH until Aries dethroned him. Now there’s something I wouldn’t have bet on getting a mention between all of Taz’s bad jokes.

Joe sends Aries into the corner for a hard running kick to the face for the first real advantage of the match. Some chops take Aries down for the knee drop for two and it’s time for some right hands in the corner. There’s the Facewash but Aries bails to the floor before the running boot to the face can connect. Aries is kicked into the barricade and chopped so hard that he falls into the crowd.

Austin is whipped into the steps as Joe keeps control before throwing Aries back inside. The fat guy takes too long getting back inside though and Aries takes out the knee to take over. After cranking on the knee in the corner, a DDT on the knee is good for two. We hit the leg lock as this match continues to not be at the pace you would expect from these two. Aries fires off kicks to the body and the leg but Joe just gets mad. A leg dive keeps Joe down though and it’s back to the same leg lock.

The leg is wrapped around the leg for a dropkick to the knee and there’s a dragon screw leg whip to keep Joe down. Aries puts on a Figure Four for awhile until Joe turns it….halfway over so Aries has to grab a rope to escape. Aries is sent to the floor and Joe hobbles through the ropes in an attempt at a dive, only to have Austin slide back in for his suicide dive to regain control.

After a victory lap around the ring, Aries goes up top for a good looking missile dropkick, but Joe pops up and runs over Aries with a clothesline to put both guys down. The Samoan pounds away and hits the backsplash followed by a powerslam for two. A powerbomb sets up the STF for Joe but Aries bites the hand to escape. There’s the rear naked choke by Joe but he doesn’t have it on great. The referee checks Aries’ arm but it drops into the ropes for the break. Nice touch.

Back up and Aries hits a running forearm and dropkick in the corner but Joe easily blocks the brainbuster. Aries comes back with a kind of crucifix slam for two but Joe is too fat for a brainbuster. Instead he busts out the 450 but has to land on his feet when Joe moves. A Rock Bottom out of the corner sets up the Muscle Buster for Joe but Aries rolls through for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B. Solid stuff for the most part here but it certainly wasn’t anything great. Joe was his usual self here, but unfortunately it’s the version from the past five years or so and not the one who dominated the X-Division for so many years. Aries was his usual awesome self, but he’s the same Aries he’s been since he got here, which may or may not be a good thing depending on your taste.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a simple one: if you like the X-Division, you’ll like this and if you don’t like the X-Division, you won’t care for this. The lack of stories is both a blessing and a curse here. It’s nice to not have the same Aces and 8’s stuff dominating the program, but having none of these matches mean anything brings the show down a lot.

Then there’s the big white elephant absent from the room: AJ Styles not being here. The guy is the greatest X-Division star ever and was the back that the division was built on. I know that he’s not active in storyline, but you could have said that he’s doing this for the love of the division or something like that. You can’t have an X-Division tribute show like this without having the best ever out there and it caused the show to be lacking a big something.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for only $5 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 14, 2013
Location: Sears Center, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley

We’re past the Orlando era now as Impact will be on the road permanently going forward. The main story of course is that Bully Ray is the new TNA World Champion, having beaten Jeff Hardy on Sunday at Lockdow while also revealing that he is in fact the President of Aces and 8’s, FINALLY giving the team both a leader as well as a major accomplishment. We’ll hear about that as well as see AJ Styles live on Impact for the first time in months tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Lockdown with Hogan telling Bully Ray to be remembered as he won the title. This transitions into a package of still photos from the world title match with Ray accepting the help of Aces and 8’s and winning the title.

Tag Titles: Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries

Never mind as Aces and 8’s beat down Chavo and Hernandez before the champions ever come to the ring.

D-Von says this is the team that is going to take over TNA and introduces the new world champion Bully Ray. Bully and D-Von do their old Dudleys pose before Bully is presented with his biker vest. Ray asks if we know who he is before saying he’s the President of Aces and 8’s, the world champion, the man who fooled Sting, Hulk and Brooke but also made fools out of all the fans. For nine months the fans bought into Ray and all the lies he told.

On Sunday he was so proud of the team and he never felt better than when he hit Jeff with the hammer to win the title. The plan was delayed a bit as Bully was supposed to leave when Wes and Garrett came into the cage, but they waited until the Hogans came down. See, an hour before the main event, Hulk gave Bully a lecture about doing something memorable. Ray says that’s something the NWO never could accomplish. Ray begs Hogan to come out and fire him but knows Hulk won’t do it. He says when you ride with Aces and 8’s, you never ride alone.

Sting is in the back freaking out about how Aces and 8’s are burning TNA at the stake. He need to talk to Hulk so he can get his hands on Aces and 8’s tonight.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Mickie James/Velvet Sky

A pre-match interview with Gail talks about how Teryn Terrell is on probation for costing Gail the title on Sunday. Gail and Velvet start things off with Sky taking Gail down with a series of armdrags. Off to Mickie for a double rolling leg drag on Kim. Mickie chokes Gail in the corner and gets two off an enziguri as we take a break. Back with Mickie getting caught in the Tarantula from Tara in the ropes.

A double slingshot suplex gets two for Gail on Mickie and it’s off to the corner for some choking. Mickie comes out of said corner with a hurricanrana and there’s the hot tag to Velvet. Gail and Teryn get in an argument with Gail shoving her down. Terrell smacks her in the face, allowing Mickie to hit the Thesz Press off the top on Gail. Tara hits Mickie with the Widow’s Peak but Velvet takes out Tara with In Yo Face for the pin at 9:40.

Rating: C. This was one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a very long time. Mickie is so smooth in the ring and it’s very nice to see those long legs back again. The rest of the match was ok but Gail vs. Teryn does nothing for me as there’s no reason to care about Terrell other than she’s a hot blonde.

We recap the Aces and 8’s segment from earlier before going to the back to see Bully toasting Aces and 8’s. He thanks them for being behind him these past nine months but realizes he hasn’t talked to his wife in awhile. Bully calls Brooke and they leave her a voicemail to get on her nerves. Oh and say hi to dad for him.

Hulk won’t answer anything about Aces and 8’s.

Robbie E vs. Robbie Terry

This is a rematch from the PPV where E got destroyed. Terry power walks to the ring, sending E running to the floor. E tries to jump Terry but it has no effect at all. A big beal sends E flying as does a one man flapjack. Terry hits a modified Jackhammer as the fans chant feed me more ala Ryback. The fireman’s carry into a spinebuster gets the pin for Terry at 1:19.

Terry dances post match.

Sting goes in to see Hulk and we cut to a break.

Aces and 8’s continue to celebrate.

Hogan blames Sting for everything that happened with Bully. Sting wants Bully tonight but Hogan goes on a rant, saying he never should have trusted Bully. Apparently everything is over and nothing can get better again.

We recap AJ’s saga and his loss to Daniels on PPV. We also look at the Claire Lynch stuff and AJ walking out on the company.

Sting runs into Aries and Roode, now with matching shirts that identify them as dirty heels. They make fun of him for causing all of these problems and say that it’s unfortunate that they can’t fight, because they were going to give Hogan and Sting a title shot. Sting says he wants to fight and Roode bails, leaving Aries alone with the Stinger. Apparently they’re fighting later tonight.

Here’s AJ back to Impact after several months away. Or actually not as instead it’s Bad Influence in Road Warrior attire. Ok that’s pretty awesome. They don’t have the spikes but they can do the poses perfectly. Kaz says they’re bringing back Throwback Thursday and paying homage to the second best tag team in wrestling history. Daniels even does Hawk’s WEEEEEEEEEEEEEL catchphrase. Apparently this is the Legion of Boom.

This brings out James Storm who says that the original LOD is a little bigger, a little tougher and a lot more over than these two are. Bad Influence gets to pick which of them gets beaten up by Storm right now.

James Storm vs. Christopher Daniels

Storm starts fast and throws Daniels around before ramming Daniels into Kaz, getting two as a result. Kaz trips up Storm to get Daniels control which includes a slingshot moonsault. Storm comes back in a slugout though but can’t hit Eye of the Storm. Daniels puts him down with a release Rock Bottom, only to miss the BME. Storm hits Closing Time and a Backstabber for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C. Not much you can say about a match that long. Storm in a big time program would be a good thing for him as after last year he’s desperately in need of a reset. Daniels vs. AJ must be coming again though, because this is TNA and that’s how things work around here. Not much to the match but it was fine.

Post match Bad Influence beats up Storm but here’s the returning AJ to lay out the evil tag team. Daniels bails but AJ hits Storm as well.

We recap Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle from Sunday before seeing Aces and 8’s destroying Angle in the back.

Here’s Joseph Park who is gushing about having two wins now. He’s been reflecting on his accomplishments, including graduating law school and making partner at Park Park and Park. Park grew up around here going to Cubs games (mixed reaction) and going to Blackhawks games (POP) and he can’t wait for what’s coming next.

This brings out Matt Morgan to make fun of Hulk because that story is still going on after not being mentioned for months I guess. Morgan doesn’t like Park having a contract here and calls Park Hogan’s biggest mistake. One by one, Morgan is going to eliminate each and every one of Hulk’s mistakes, starting with Park. He tells Park to leave but Morgan insults Chicago and that means it’s time to fight. Morgan uses the always lame “on my time” excuse and goes to leave, only to catch Park not paying attention and kicking him in the head. Morgan says his time is next week.

Aces and 8’s want to know if Hulk is going to fire them because they’ve destroyed a lot of people. Ray thinks destroying the show sounds like a good idea so let’s go do that.

We get some clips of Brooke freaking out after the end of Lockdown.

Austin Aries vs. Sting

Feeling out process to start as the fans are split on who to cheer for. Sting carries Aries over to the corner but Austin lays on the ropes to show off. Sting kicks him down but misses a Stinger Splash as Aries bails to the outside. Back in for a bit before Sting knocks him right back to the floor. There’s the Stinger Splash to Roode against the barricade and Aries is sent through the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Sting still in control but he has to stop and yell at Roode, which gets Bobby ejected. The distraction lets Aries kick the rope into the Little Stingers and there’s the suicide dive for good measure. Back in and Aries hits a middle rope dropkick to the back of a seated Sting for two. Aries pounds away in the corner but Sting gets in a few right hands. A dropkick to the knee puts Sting back down though and Aries keeps control via a quickly broken half crab.

Back up and Sting misses a dropkick but Aries tries for the Scorpion Deathlock. Unfortunately he doesn’t know hot to hook the hold and Sting is able to come back again. A big clothesline spins Aries inside out but Austin bails away from the real Scorpion. After guillotining Sting down on the top rope, a missile dropkick puts Sting down for about one second.

Sting busts out a gorilla press slam before missing another Stinger Splash. Aries hits a running dropkick in the corner and a running splash of his own. The brainbuster is countered into a Scorpion Death Drop for two but the Stinger Splash sets up the Deathlock…but here are Aces and 8’s for the DQ at 15:16.

Rating: C+. Good match here until the run in ended as this match continues to become more and more like the NWO. The match was rolling along until the end with a story of Sting not being able to hit the Splash until the end. It was cool to see the old gorilla press come back here though and the match was better than I was expecting.

Aces and 8’s want to know if Hogan is going to fire them.

After a break Ray is still wanting Hogan to come out and here he is. Hulk is still on crutches so he stays on the stage. He says firing Aces and 8’s would be too easy and they deserve the hard way. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it’s coming. Right now, Hogan is telling everyone on the roster to go to war with the bikers.

About five guys (including Angle, Terry, Hardy, Chavo and Hernandez) runs out to beat down Aces and 8’s but there are too many bikers resulting in a big beatdown of the TNA guys. Jeff Hardy is beaten down in just a few seconds and this is a pretty lame brawl. Ray says is this what you meant by memorable and starts destroying everyone with his chain. Ray goes halfway up the ramp and says the cavalry just got destroyed. He asks what his dad is going to do to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a really solid show tonight as everything seemed to have a new energy to it. It was cool to see Aces and 8’s with a swagger that they could back up, which is probably because none of them wrestled tonight. Everything had a point tonight and it was like the beginning of a new year for the show in a lot of ways. I’m excited for next week’s Impact which is a rarity anymore.

Results

Mickie James/Velvet Sky b. Tara/Gail Kim – In Yo Face to Tara

Rob Terry b. Robbie E – Spinebuster

James Storm b. Christopher Daniels – Backstabber

Sting b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aces and 8’s interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 24, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

So the wedding was last week and as most weddings do, it drew a good audience. The main surprise from last week’s events though was that Tazz was introduced as the newest member of Aces and 8’s. While shocking, it doesn’t address the main issues the team has. Kennedy is their biggest star I guess, but that doesn’t really make them intimidating. This stable is almost eight months old. Don’t you think it’s time we got a bit more out of them? Oh and Hardy defends against Daniels tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap from last week.

Keneley and Tenay are disturbed by Tazz’s actions.

There’s kind of an opening sequence now.

Here are Aces and 8’s to open things up with Tazz leading the way. Tazz immediately gives us more about the team than we’ve gotten in the time they’ve been around: they’re out for revenge and redemption and they have a higher power. Last week was the wedding and there was a chance to step on the Hogans’ faces. They were just another victim and nothing more. As for Dixie Carter, Tazz signed a contract that says if anyone puts a hand on him that says he’ll make a fortune. Fast promo here.

Jesse hypes up Tara while bragging about himself.

Video on Daniels being around since the dawn of TNA.

Daniels says this is a turning point for his career tonight.

Tazz is back on commentary.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is back in the classic outfit instead of the catsuit which is a downgrade for me. Tara poses as the bell rings so Velvet grabs a quick rollup for two. Tara fights her back but stops to pose again and gets kicked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Tara in control as Tazz won’t answer questions about why he turned because it’s club business. Translation: it isn’t important enough/the writers haven’t figured out the answer yet.

The shaky moonsault gets two for Tara but she goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down accordingly. Velvet comes back with a headscissors and a spinning faceplant but Jesse has the referee’s attention. Tara knocks Jesse down and a rollup gets two for Velvet. Sky loads up a suplex but Jesse hooks her foot ala Bobby Heenan and Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania 5 to give Tara the win at 9:42.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t horrible but the first part of the match was pretty sloppy. The division is at a standstill at this point as nothing has really changed for awhile. It’s the same set of girls having the same matches that we’ve seen for years now. Velvet’s big return basically means nothing at this point and hasn’t changed anything. Also, can more than two Knockouts appear on screen at once or is that against the rules?

Open Fight Night is back next week.

Sting has something to say later on.

Kenny King talks to himself in the mirror when Zema Ion comes up to talk strategy. Tension is teased and I can’t bring myself to be interested.

Here’s Joseph Park to say that his place is here on Impact instead of in the courtroom. He never got that win though, or that W as the boys call it. He’s here to be the best he can be and holds up a passport, saying he’ll be here next week in Manchester to compete in Open Fight Night. He doesn’t know who he’s facing but he’s going to spend the week watching film. Next week he’ll deliver his verdict and then hold his own court and get that W.

Zema Ion/Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam/Christian York

York and Ion start things off as Tazz talks about which of these guys would be a good addition to the team. Off to Van Dam who goes after King on the apron and gets in trouble for his efforts. King comes in legally and hits a nice snap suplex for two. Back to Ion for his usual lame stuff as we hear about Bellator for the 100^th time in two weeks.

Ion misses a 450 and everything breaks down. Rob loads up the split legged moonsault on Zema but King crotches him, only to get elbowed back down. Rob gets kicked off the top and Ion tags himself in. A tornado DDT is countered but King hits a springboard Blockbuster to give Ion the pin at 5:09.

Rating: C. I’m trying to care about Ion and it’s just not working at all. The guy just isn’t that good but he of all the people that have been brought in to the division over the last few years, they pick HIM to stick around and push? York and King looked fine here while Van Dam was Van Dam. I’m hoping King wins the title soon as it would shake the division up a bit while also being logical progression.

Tazz leaves to take a phone call.

Bully and Brooke arrive and will do their talking in the ring.

Joe tells Garrett and Wes that they can’t suck up to him like they do to Angle. Kurt pops up and says he’s still hurt but he can fight.

We recap the wedding. Again.

Here are Bully and Brooke to the ring. Bully says that he expected this from D-Von but not Tazz. Last week Aces and 8’s hurt Sting who is the only person that has trusted Ray. They also hurt Hogan who it took forever to get to accept Ray, but more importantly they hurt Brooke. Ray tells Aces and 8’s to sleep with their eyes open until he takes care of all of them. However he needs the absent Hulk to lift his suspension to do that. Cue Sting who begs Hulk to take this all the way like he does with everything else. He believes that Hogan will do the right thing next week in Manchester.

Aries and Roode praise each other to try to get out of a match with Hernandez. Aries: “You were the longest reigning champion ever.” Roode: “Then you beat me.” Aries: “Well yeah but…” Eventually Roode is tricked into taking the match because he’s the power guy and Aries should clean up. Roode is confused but Aries leaves before Bobby can complain.

Video on Hardy before Hardy says (out loud!) that he’ll win.

Hernandez vs. Bobby Roode

Roode tries to pound away a bit but gets backdropped for his efforts. Tenay thinks Roode is a better singles wrestler than Hernandez. The PROFESSOR ladies and gentlemen. There’s the delayed vertical suplex to Roode but he immediately comes back with a guillotine on the top rope. Tazz says he could see either of these guys joining Aces and 8’s in the future. Roode hooks a chinlock but SuperMex fights out of it and hits the slingshot shoulder to take over.

There’s the corner splash and the over the shoulder backbreaker for no cover. Roode comes back with a chop but gets sent to the floor. Hernandez loads up a dive but Aries runs out for the save. He and Chavo get in a fight on the floor as Roode hits a bulldog on Hernandez for the clean pin at 5:41.

Rating: C-. A bulldog is enough for a pin? The problem here is that Hernandez is completely uninteresting and Chavo doesn’t help much. They’re very dull champions as they don’t really do anything other than hold the titles and have decent matches. Roode and Aries are hilarious but I don’t really care to see them as tag champions. The match was ok at best.

Here’s Angle to say that next week he’s calling out Anderson on Open Fight Night. Cue Anderson in full Aces and 8’s gear to say that he wants to fight right now. After the brawl erupts, Angle clears the ring and says that it’s going to be in a cage next week.

Post break Anderson is panicking over the cage match but D-Von says drink beer and calm down. He has a plan apparently.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Daniels

Daniels is challenging here and literally dances to the ring. Tazz predicts that Hardy is going to have trouble in the year 2013. Feeling out process to start with Hardy taking over, only to miss a charge in the corner and fall to the floor. Kaz comes in to celebrate and we take a break. Back with Daniels hitting a clothesline and choking away on Hardy for a bit. A modified neckbreaker hits for two on Hardy and it’s off to the chinlock.

Hardy comes back with a clothesline and speeds things way up before getting two off the mule kick. A middle rope splash gets two but Hardy jumps into a Death Valley Driver for two. Daniels busts out the Koji Clutch which we haven’t seen in years and that no one seems to know the name of. Christopher loads up something like a superplex but gets caught in the front suplex from the top for two. The Twist is countered into the Angel’s Wings for two but the BME and Swanton both miss, the latter of which gives Hardy two. Hardy counters Angel’s Wings into a rana and it’s double Twist and Swanton to retain at 14:10.

Rating: B. Good match here with both guys looking great. Daniels is SO much more fun to watch when he’s not against AJ all the time and his latest run has been all kinds of entertaining. The promos are way better than the matches, which is saying a lot as the match here was solid stuff. Hardy winning was pretty clear but that’s not always a bad thing. Good main event here.

Post match Tazz distracts Hardy and a masked biker hits Jeff in the knee with a hammer to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was ok but not much better than that. At the end of the day not a lot was really explained that we didn’t know already and there wasn’t much followup at all to the wedding stuff from last week. The main event was solid and the post match stuff is likely due to Hardy not being able to appear in the UK due to his legal issues over the years. Pretty decent stuff here but the wrestling wasn’t all that great save for one match.

Results

Tara b. Velvet Sky – Tara pinned Sky after Jesse tripped her

Zema Ion/Kenny King b. Rob Van Dam/Christian York – Ion pinned York after a springboard Blockbuster from King

Bobby Roode b. Hernandez – Bulldog

Jeff Hardy b. Christopher Daniels – Swanton Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 17, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

Tonight is about the wedding of Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan. For those of you that haven’t followed Impact Wrestling for awhile, you did indeed read that properly. Also we get to deal with the fallout from Genesis as we now have about two months before the next three hour PPV in Lockdown. Odds are we’re not going to really start building up to that for awhile yet. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap opens things up while recapping them.

Ray is getting his tuxedo ready and seems happy. Spike Dudley comes in (complete with taped glasses) and is followed by Tommy Dreamer. Apparently they’re his groomsmen.

Some Knockouts are Brooke’s bridesmaids. It’s not clear if Hulk is going to be there or not.

Here’s Hardy to open the show. He talks about retaining at Genesis and surviving against all odds. Hardy says he does what he does for the people and he’ll keep fighting for them forever. 2013 is going to be the year of Jeff Hardy so bring on the fights. This brings out Daniels and Kaz to talk about Daniels’ title shot next week which he won by beating Storm on Sunday. Daniels does his usual name jokes but Hardy wants to fight right now. Hardy gets beaten down until Storm runs in for the save. If you can’t figure out what this sets up, go read something else.

James Storm/Jeff Hardy vs. Bad Influence

Actually it starts right now. It’s a brawl to start with Jeff diving on both opponents as we take a break. Back with Storm vs. Daniels before it’s quickly off to the champion. Storm comes back in after about half a second to start working on the arm. Daniels rams him into the corner so Kaz can choke away like a good heel would. Bad Influence (I’m really not feeling that name and it’s barely ever used) takes their turns on Storm as we’re waiting on the big hot tag to Jeff.

Storm finally hits a Russian legsweep and makes the aforementioned hot tag, hitting a running clothesline off the apron to take Daniels down. Everything breaks down and Storm hits Closing time on Daniels. He dives over the top at Chris and hurts his own knee in the process. Kaz escapes the Twist and rakes Hardy’s eyes to set up a small package for two. Hardy grabs a VERY sloppy Twist for the pin at 12:00.

Rating: C. Really basic tag match here which didn’t do anything of note. The smart thing to do here would be to have Daniels pin Hardy via cheating of some kind but instead they just had things go like usual. The Twist at the end was pretty sloppy too which didn’t help anything. I’m also not sure what Storm is getting out of this but maybe it’s too early to say.

Daniels blasts Hardy in the back and hits Angel’s Wings on the belt.

The Gut Check guys talk about the match last week.

Joseph Park gives Ray some Cuban cigars that may or may not be legal. He also asks about a prenup and gives a thumbs up or down. Ray: “OUT!” Funny stuff.

Time for Gut Check. Apparently only one guy gets to go to the judges and that’s Jay Bradley (meaning Brian Cage goes home). Tazz says no, so Jay gives a decent speech saying he’s earned this shot. Snow says yes, Bruce says yes, he gets a contract. Why this is supposed to be interesting I’m not sure.

Christian York vs. Kenny King

This is fallout from King’s attack on York that likely cost him the title on Sunday. York dives onto King to start and beats on him on the floor before heading back inside for a clothesline. Christian pounds away in the corner and hits a bunch of kicks to King’s face. This is one sided so far. King fires off a kick but York immediately comes back with a suplex. He loads King into the Rack to do what King did to him on Sunday, but Kenny rakes the eyes and rolls York up with a handful of trunks to win at 2:52. King’s offense consisted of an eye rake, a kick and a rollup.

Ray asks Sting to talk to Hulk for him. Sting says he’ll try.

Aries antagonizes Roode for not winning the title before saying the arguing makes no sense. The slanting isn’t in their favor and Aries is tired of it. Apparently they’re crashing the wedding.

Taz goes to the back to help set up for the wedding.

Hulk is in the parking lot and the cameraman asks him if he’s here for the wedding tonight. Hulk says nothing other than saying get the camera out of his face.

Taz comes in to Bully’s room and they make fun of Heyman a bit. Dreamer asks about Hogan but Ray says he’s marrying Brooke as long as his guys are here with him.

We recap the Ray/Hogans stuff.

Here’s Sting to ask Hogan to come out and talk about the wedding. Hogan says he doesn’t trust Bully because in wrestling, everyone stabs everyone in the back. He wants an explanation from Sting on why he trusts Bully. Sting talks about all of the times that Ray has saved them but Hogan says he has a bad feeling about this and he’ll never trust Bully Ray. Sting says Hulk needs to do this for himself and Brooke. Hulk says he’ll do the right thing. Brother.

Gail Kim talks to Taryn Terrell and explains how she cost Gail the gauntlet match on Sunday. Apparently Brooke has given Gail a rematch against Velvet, making the whole thing on PPV completely pointless.

We get clips of Bully Ray at a strip club for his bachelor party.

Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Winner gets a title shot at some point. I’m digging Velvet’s new curly hair. Velvet sends her to the floor to start as we’re not exactly in a fast gear early on. A sunset flip gets two for Velvet so Gail kicks her in the ribs to take over. A neckbreaker gets two for Kim and Velvet gets the same off a snap suplex. Sky can’t hit a bulldog so Gail dropkicks her down. Eat Defeat hits but Velvet gets a foot under the rope at two. Now the bulldog hits as does a headscissors. A kind of spinning X-Factor takes down Gail and In Yo Face gets the pin at 5:54.

Rating: D+. I don’t care. I’ve tried for months now and I just do not care about the Knockouts at all. They’re mostly gorgeous, they have good outfits on, and I do not care anything at all past that. The same girls have been having the same matches and feuds for years now and I do not care at all. The match was the usual stuff.

Dixie and Brooke have a girl moment.

It’s 9:30 and with nothing else to go, it’s time for the wedding???

We recap Daniels and Hardy earlier.

Here are Aries and Roode to complain about life in general. They say there should be a celebration about the two of them because without the two of them, there wouldn’t be a show. They complain about not having respect despite being champion for almost all of last year. Aries points out how all of the champions in TNA used to be big deals….ten years ago. This brings out Chavo and Hernandez, complaints are made, Mexican food jokes are made, a brawl breaks out and the champs clear the ring. Ok so the wedding only gets twenty minutes. That’s WAY better.

Hogan and Sting are STILL talking. Sting suggests that maybe Brooke can see something Hogan can’t.

It’s wedding time. Ray is in a tux which is weird to say the least. The groomsmen come out with the bridesmaids (looking GOOD tonight) and here’s Brooke. Hulk finally comes out (setting a record in getting into a tuxedo) to a big ovation. The fans tell Hulk to shake Bully’s hand. They get through a LONG intro from the minister and saying how much they care about each other. No one objects, they both say I do, and Tazz takes the mic from the minister.

Tazz asks if Bully is sure, then says it’s too hot in here. He takes off his jacket, and reveals an Aces and 8’s vest. The big brawl ends the ceremony and show. Brooke gets kidnapped again as Ray takes a pedestal to the face

Overall Rating: C-. The question coming into this show wasn’t would there be a swerve in the wedding but rather what would the swerve be. As for what we got…..eh. It’s still someone else that doesn’t really change anything, so who cares? Other than that though, there wasn’t much here. They did a good job of hyping up the world title match next week, but other than that there wasn’t much going on here. This was ALL about the wedding, which is ok, but if you’re not into that storyline, go watch something else. TNA has run into that problem before and while it isn’t as bad as it’s been in the past, they’re getting close to it.

Results

James Storm/Jeff Hardy b. Bad Influence – Twist of Fate to Kazarian

Kenny King b. Christian York – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim – In Yo Face

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Final Resolution 2012
Date: December 9, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley

This is one of those shows that is happening because it’s a Sunday in a month and therefore we need to have a PPV. The card was nearly half put together on Thursday, so how much effort do you think the company is actually putting into this show? The main event is Hardy defending against Roode, who likely has about as much of a chance as I do. The card should be decent though. Let’s get to it.

Usual highlight package opens the show.

Here’s James Storm who isn’t scheduled on the show, because he means nothing in this company anymore. He talks about not being scheduled here tonight but he’s here to make sure Roode doesn’t try to steal the title like he tried to do on Thursday. Storm calls out Roode….and gets Kaz instead. Kaz says that he’s been here for years and is tired of hearing a drunk like Storm whine. This goes on for awhile, gay jokes are made, and there’s the challenge for the obvious match. You wouldn’t think we were ten minutes into the show yet would you?

Kazarian vs. James Storm

We get a referee and it’s time to go. Storm pounds away on him to start as he is known to do. Kaz comes back with a shot to the head and a head vice of all things. Storm gets thrown to the floor as Kaz pounds away even more. Back in and Kaz hits his spinning springboard legdrop for two followed by a cravate.

Storm fights back and hits a forearm for two before walking into a slingshot DDT for two. Kaz comes out of the corner and gets caught in an Alabama Slam followed by a Codebreaker. The Last Call is loaded up but Kaz hides behind the referee. Fade to Black (Kaz’s piledriver) is escaped and the Last Call ends this at 6:08.

Rating: D+. The match was short and nothing more than an Impact match. Storm has fallen through the floor in the last eight months, which says a lot when you consider how big a match he had at BFG. Also for those of you counting, half of this card has now been made in the last 72 hours. Again, they clearly don’t care about this show at all.

We recap Hardy’s attack on Impact and see Roode and Hardy arriving earlier.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kenny King

Van Dam is defending after King won a title shot on Impact in a three way. The champ puts on a headlock to start and they flip around a bit. The announcers talk about Van Dam’s title history and both guys kick each other. King kicks him to the floor but Van Dam comes back in and kicks King’s legs out a few times. Van Dam goes up top and gets shoved into the barricade, injuring his ribs. That’s a common theme in Van Dam matches over the years. Back in and King hooks an abdominal stretch which Van Dam breaks via yet another kick.

They kick it out even more and my goodness I don’t care about this match or this show. Rob gets crotched on the top rope and a backbreaker puts Van Dam down. Two knees to King’s face take him down, as does a clothesline. The Monkey Flip sets up Rolling Thunder which sets up the top rope kick which sets up the Five Star….which misses. King’s Royal Flush is countered into a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:20.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t terrible but man alive these matches being added together out of nowhere are REALLY hard to care about. The X-Division means nothing at all anymore as Van Dam’s matches are just thrown onto the card to fill in spots anymore. King appears to have screwed up his career by jumping, because he means nothing in TNA either.

We’re thirty minutes into the show so far and I don’t remember being less interested in a PPV in years.

Daniels talks about his history with AJ, which goes on for a few minutes because these two are welded at the hip.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrer/Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan/Joey Ryan

Chavo and Hernandez are defending. This is another of those title matches that means absolutely nothing. Morgan has Hogan’s cape still, but I’m not even sure they’re actually feuding anymore. They haven’t talked in weeks. Anyway Chavo and Ryan start things off and it’s what you would expect: Chavo wrestles, Ryan runs a lot, Chavo takes over. Hernandez comes in with a bearhug on Ryan before throwing him over in a belly to belly.

Back to Chavo to face Morgan and the champion is thrown around. Off to Hernandez for the big power showdown. Matt shoves him around a lot and the discus lariat puts Hernandez down. Back to Ryan who is immediately caught in a delayed vertical suplex for two. Hernandez beats up Joey for a bit until it’s back to Chavo, who is dropped on the buckle by the illegal Morgan. Morgan is now legal and drops Chavo with a backbreaker followed by a neck crank from Ryan.

Chavo plays Ricky Morton for awhile until sending Ryan face first into the buckle. Hot tag brings in Hernandez who is suplexed down by Morgan for two. A backbreaker puts Ryan down and a missile dropkick/clothesline combination puts Morgan on the floor. Ryan gets speared down and the Frog Splash hits…..but Morgan pulls the referee out for the DQ at 10:27. Freaking LAME!

Rating: D. The ending drops this down from getting the benefit of the doubt. I mean good grief why is Matt Morgan being used in something like this? Ryan has been WORTHLESS since he showed up and the tag champions are almost at WWE levels of importance with their belts. That says quite a bit and this show is terrible so far.

Austin Aries says he’s going to stir things up around here even more and he imitates Hogan to further a feud…I guess.

We recap Aries vs. Ray which is all about Hogan, of course. Ray seems to be involved with Brooke Hogan and Hulk isn’t happy. Aries pushed buttons and we get a match as a result.

Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries

Aries hides a lot to start and then slaps Ray in the face. He earns a gutwrench suplex for his efforts, followed by a big backdrop. Ray grabs him by the throat but gets caught in the face by an elbow. Austin pounds away even more, hitting a forearm to the head and a slingshot hilo to the back of Ray. Aries does more of the Hogan imitation, complete with the big boot and legdrop for two.

Ray comes back with hard chops to the chest and a splash for two. Aries charges into some Snake Eyes in the corner, but he manages to break up the backsplash. Ray punches him down AND HITS A MIDDLE ROPE DROPKICK to kill Aries dead. Naturally there’s no cover and Ray charges into a low bridge to send him out to the floor. The suicide dive is countered by a big boot to the face for two for Ray. Aries comes back with a crucifix into a mat slam followed by the running dropkick in the corner.

Aries loads up the Brainbuster but Ray throws him into the air for a one man 3D. However since this is TNA, it only gets two. Ray goes for a table and gets kicked in the face for his efforts, busting him open a bit. Aries pounds away at the cut….and here’s Brooke Hogan of course. She checks on the cut and is dragged into the ring, but the distraction of Aries lets Ray throw him to the floor. Now here’s Hulk to glare some, but Ray tells him to get Brooke out of here. The Hogans leave and Aries hits Ray low and gets the pin off a rollup at 12:56.

Rating: B-. The match was good, but since it’s involved with the Hogans we need it to be overbooked right? Does anyone have any idea why Aries is even going after Hulk in the first place? He’s already said it was to get his world title back, so is he just trying to be a troll at this point? Anyway the match was solid stuff as Ray continues to be awesome and continues to lose as a reward.

We recap the Knockouts Title match by talking about Velvet Sky. You know, the chick that isn’t in the title match. Mickie won some battle royal to get the shot at Tara here.

Tara and Jesse don’t have much to say.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Tara

They fight over wrist/arm control to start as the announcers talk about Tara being in her city’s athletics hall of fame. This turns into a discussion of USC football as Tara wants to kiss Jesse a bit. Mickie gets a rollup and northern lights for a pair of two counts and there’s the rana to put Tara down again. Tara gets sent into Jesse but the distraction lets Tara get in a kick to the face to take over.

Back in and Tara hooks Mickie in an over the shoulder hair pull. Why she doesn’t just hit the Widow’s Peak from there is anyone’s guess. Mickie gets a rollup for two but Jesse has the referee’s attention. The spinning sidewalk slam gets two for Tara and it’s off to a body vice for the champ. Mickie makes her comeback with a lot of kicks (a running theme tonight) and gets two off an enziguri. Tara is thrown onto Jesse again, so Mickie hits a Thesz Press off the top to the floor to take Tara out again. Jesse gets kicked in the face, but the distraction lets Tara hit the Widow’s Peak to retain at 7:51.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but again, we need new blood in the division. Not blood that hasn’t been around for awhile, but new blood in general. Jesse was the focus of this match which isn’t a good thing, but Mickie vs. Tara is such a played pairing that you can only care about it so much after this many matches.

Roode says he’ll do whatever it takes to get the title back and that money talks. Usually solid stuff here.

We recap Aces and 8’s being all evil and breaking bones with the hammer. This is another thrown together match from Impact.

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s D-Von/Doc/two masked dudes. One masked guy is big and the other is small so we’ll call the big one Porkchop and the small one Roger for simplicity’s sake. Joe wants D-Von immediately but the bikers run away. Instead it’s D-Von vs. Kurt to start and guess who controls that one. D-Von gets beaten up but runs away when Joe comes in. Instead it’s Joe pounding on Doc in the corner and hitting the enziguri for no cover.

Garrett comes in and is immediately pounded down like he should be. Off to Porkchop who gets to sell Garrett’s horrible offense. Wes comes in and the small guys hit Poetry in Motion on Porkchop. Off to Roger who gets his arm worked over by various TNA guys. The bikers triple team Joe, pulling him to the floor and sending him into the barricade ribs first. Now D-Von will actually get in the match for some basic punches before it’s back to Doc for a suplex.

We hit the chinlock for awhile until it’s back to D-Von for more punches. Here’s Porkchop again to stay on Joe in the corner. Joe Rock Bottoms both masked guys out of the corner and there’s the hot tag to Angle. Kurt cleans house and hits the release belly to belly on Roger as everything breaks down. Everything breaks down and Doc chokeslams Angle. Various people hit various big moves on each other, including Joe hitting the suicide elbow on D-Von. There’s the ankle lock to Roger but Doc gets the hammer. Garrett takes it from him and Wes spears Porkchop to the floor. Angle Slam pins Roger at 11:12.

Rating: D+. Here’s the thing: did Kurt actually need partners here? Would anyone have really been surprised if he could beat all four Aces and 8’s at the same time? That’s the problem with Aces and 8’s: they have D-Von and Luke Gallows as their names right now. Why should I buy them as a threat? Nothing to see here, just like always with these guys anymore.

NOTHING POST MATCH??? SERIOUSLY??? Yep, that’s what kind of show we’ve got here.

AJ says that a win over Daniels would make up for his bad year.

We recap Daniels vs. Styles. The line of “this has been going on since 2003, 2004 or 2005” sums up the entire feud: they’ve been feuding so long that no one knows when it started.

Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles

This is billed as the last time so there MUST be a winner. Feeling out process and they fight over arm control to the mat. The feeling out continues for like four minutes as there’s NOTHING interesting going on here. AJ clotheslines him down to finally pick up the pace a bit and there’s the perfect dropkick. The bridging Indian Deathlock from AJ keeps Daniels in trouble as this is going nowhere so far.

Styles hits a snap suplex on the apron so Daniels comes back with a Rock Bottom onto the opposite apron. Daniels sends him into the steps a few times, including a powerslam/suplex hybrid down onto the steel. More back work follows as I try desperately to stay awake. Not that the match is bad but this show has been so freaking boring so far that it’s draining me. Daniels hits a moonsault and hooks a crossface minus the arm trap to torture AJ a bit more.

Off to a half nelson which isn’t really staying on the back so the match loses points for bad psychology. AJ fights up and they collide with AJ’s eye being busted open hardway. Daniels hits a release Rock Bottom but the BME misses, allowing AJ to hit the springboard forearm. AJ loads up the Clash but Daniels naturally escapes. A headscissors puts Christopher down but he comes bak with a sitout spinebuster for two.

A flipping slam out of the corner gets two for Daniels and he’s getting ticked off. AJ comes back with the moonsault into the reverse DDT for two and both guys are down. They head to the corner for a Daniels superplex for no cover so AJ hits the Pele to put both guys down again. Angel’s Wings is countered into a jackknife cover, but AJ backflips out of the cover into the Styles Clash for two. AJ loads up the Clash off the middle rope but Daniels counters into a rana. Now Daniels hits the Clash for the pin at 21:07.

Rating: B. Yeah it was good but so what? Daniels hasn’t won jack here, as AJ has beaten him how many times over the years? That’s the problem with this story: just winning the last match doesn’t always mean you win the war/feud. Daniels winning is the right idea from a storytelling standpoint, but this means nothing, as is the case with everything here. Oh and nice to see all the back work meaning absolutely nothing at all.

We recap Roode vs. Hardy. Hardy is champion, Roode is challenging him. Seriously, that’s it.

TNA World Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy

The crowd FINALLY wakes up for Hardy, possibly because he’s painted like a Christmas tree. Roode immediately goes for the ribs because we haven’t seen that in all of ten minutes. Hardy knocks him to the floor and hits the plancha to take Roode down as the fans stay hot. Back in and Hardy pounds on Roode in the corner as Mike reminds us that Hardy is injured from the Aces and 8’s attack. Tenay: “It’s hard to see his facial expressions because of the face paint.” This would be just as Hardy is wincing very badly. And this guy is the Professor right?

Roode gets in a shot to the midsection and hits a suplex and knee drop for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by the Hennig necksnap for two on Hardy. Back to the chinlock because the crowd must go back to being dormant like they were for two hours plus. When that does no good for Roode, he goes to the middle rope and jumps into Hardy’s feet, because this show hasn’t been bad enough yet so let’s have the DUMBEST SPOT IN WRESTLING.

Hardy hits a quick Russian legsweep for two but a cross body misses and Hardy crashes out to the floor. A whip into the steps gets two for Bobby and it’s back to the freaking chinlock. Jeff starts his real comeback with his usual stuff and gets two off the Whisper in the Wind. Roode counters a suplex into a rollup for two but Hardy hits his sitout gordbuster for two of his own. A non-bouncing top rope Vader Bomb gets two for Jeff and both guys are down.

The Twist is countered into the spinebuster for two. See, THAT is a move that makes sense for Roode after the offense he’s used so far. Psychology people! There’s the Twist from Hardy but Roode falls to the floor. A clothesline off the apron puts Roode down so Hardy loads up the Poetry in Motion against the barricade.

As usual it misses, but Hardy hits his hip on the barricade and he lands in the crowd. That gets two back in the ring and Roode loads up a superplex, only to get knocked off for the Swanton. Jeff can’t cover though so Roode spears him down for two. Here are Aces and 8’s but they just stand there. Roode walks into the Twist of Fate for the pin to retain at 23:00.

Rating: B. Really good main event here but the problem at the end of the day is that there was never any chance Roode was going to win the title. I don’t care how many two counts he got, there was no chance he was ever going to get the belt back here. Hardy is going to hold that thing either until his contract runs out or until his prescriptions expire. Good match here but in no way could it save the show.

The bikers destroy Hardy post match but Roode yells at them, saying he paid them already. They beat up Roode as well, because they’re CRYPTIC. Freaking screw off with this nonsense about Aces and 8’s anymore. No one cares and they haven’t for months now.

Overall Rating: D-. You remember those European house shows that were billed as PPVs where nothing ever happened? This was the American version of it, as NOTHING happened here but it was called a PPV level card anyway. Terribly boring and uninteresting show here with some good matches, but the first two hours or show just murdered this show something horrible.

Results

James Storm b. Kazarian – Last Call

Rob Van Dam b. Kenny King – Rollup

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan via DQ when Morgan pulled the referee out of the ring

Austin Aries b. Bully Ray – Rollup after a low blow

Tara b. Mickie James – Widow’s Peak

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco b. Aces and 8’s – Angle Slam to Masked Man #2

Christopher Daniels b. AJ Styles – Styles Clash

Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode – Twist of Fate

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 6, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Kennely, Taz

It’s the final show before Final Resolution, which means we’re likely going to get a lot of build for the PPV. Also we’ve got D-Von challenging Joe for the TV Title which D-Von never lost. Other than that, there’s not much else for tonight’s show, other than maybe more Aces and 8’s stuff after they had a week off last week. We’ll likely get more of Hogan and Ray doing their thing. Let’s get to it.

The standard recap opens us up.

Here are Roode, Daniels and Kaz to open things up. Later tonight they face Hardy, Storm and AJ. Kaz mentions Fourtune and their history together before saying on Sunday, the three of them will experience victory. Roode guarantees victory on Sunday while Daniels guarantees one last match with Styles. Give me a break. Daniels calls out AJ and here’s the Phenomenal One.

AJ says that Daniels has always been jealous of him, even though AJ has earned everything he’s gotten here. Daniels couldn’t beat AJ if it was Daniels’ best day and Styles’ worst. Daniels says that AJ knows Daniels is right when AJ is called a loser. He talks about how AJ has lost so many big matches over the last few months and how that’s reality. AJ says this is reality and the fight is on. Hardy and Storm make the save.

We see the ending of Impact last week for the second time in eleven minutes.

Aries says he was pushing Hulk’s buttons last week to get the X Title back, which will get him the world title back. Then Bully Ray interfered, which is why Aries wants Ray on Sunday.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. D-Von

Joe is defending and takes over to start by running over D-Von. A knee drop keeps D-Von down for a bit but D-Von low bridges Joe to take him to the floor. A pair of splashes get two for D-Von but the middle rope headbutt misses. Joe comes back with a kick to the chest and a backsplash for two. A Rock Bottom out of the corner puts D-Von down again and there’s the Koquina Clutch. Some blonde chick gets on the apron, allowing Doc to hit Joe win the back with the hammer to give D-Von the title back at 3:55.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here at all but it was pretty clear that D-Von was getting the belt back here. At the end of the day, Aces and 8’s has to have SOMETHING right? They now have a title, albeit the lower midcard belt. This still does nothing to make me care about them at all, but there was no other option here.

Aces and 8’s celebrate with a bunch of scantily clad women.

Brooke is on the phone with someone and says a contract has been signed. Whoever she has signed is coming tonight.

Snow is back but doesn’t remember anything that happened to him. Apparently he went to dinner Wednesday night, then woke up in a hospital with his wallet and phone gone.

Here’s Mickie James in a nice dress. She says she feels good to be back and this Sunday she’s getting her title back. Cue Tara and Jesse so Tara can run her mouth for awhile. She talks about how great a year this has been for her……and here’s Velvet Sky. She still looks good but not as great as she used to. She has a shoulder tattoo now too. Velvet says she’s winning the title in 2013. Ok then.

The Robs do a Direct Auto car insurance commercial.

Someone is coming on January 3, 2013. Geez with the dates again.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Robbie E/Robbie T

Oh yeah Hernandez and Chavo exist. That’s about all I’ve got on them. E and Chavo start things off but it’s quickly off to Hernandez for a bearhug into a belly to belly suplex. T comes in and pounds away on Chavo in the corner before posing a lot. E comes back in for a chinlock but gets caught in a northern lights suplex. Hot tag brings in Hernandez again to throw around the small guy until T comes in for the save. Everything breaks down and Hernandez kills E with a shoulder. The Frog Splash gets the pin for Chavo at 3:58. Another short match.

Rating: D+. Well what were you expecting here? Chavo and Hernandez are defending the titles on Sunday so were they going to lose here? The Robs are nothing at all, but to be fair the champs aren’t much better. They’re all just there, as the tag division has fallen right back through the floor where it usually is.

Post match Joey Ryan starts talking until Morgan attacks the champs. Ryan talks about male organs.

The girls chill with Aces and 8’s. Apparently they have a financial backer now.

We recap Gut Check from last week.

Angle celebrates with Brisco in the back and Garrett Bischoff is there too of course.

The tag champs cut a promo on Ryan and Morgan.

Kurt Angle vs. Doc

Angle charges at him to stat and takes out Doc’s knee. Doc pounds back and clotheslines Kurt to the floor as this is still not an exciting match. Again, it’s Luke Gallows vs. Kurt Angle and that’s not a match that I’m going to be able to get into for the most part. Angle gets sent into the steps but as they get back in, Kurt hits a middle rope missile dropkick to take Doc down. There are three Germans but Doc escapes the Angle Slam.

A big boot gets two but Kurt grabs the ankle lock. That goes nowhere so Kurt tries more Germans. A low blow stops the series and Doc gets two off a clothesline. The chokeslam is countered into the ankle lock but Doc counters again. There’s the chokeslam for two and there goes any chance Doc had. The ankle lock goes on but here’s Aces and 8’s for the DQ at 5:30.

Rating: C. I’ve seen worse but as I said throughout the match: it’s Luke Gallows. Why in the world would I believe that he’s going to be able to beat Kurt Angle in a one on one match? The counters sequence wasn’t bad at all and the match was a higher quality than I was expecting, but it was still hard to get into because of who was in it.

Angle fights off Aces and 8’s until Garrett, Brisco and Joe come in. An 8 man tag match is made for Sunday.

Hogan is on the phone with Park and tells him to go to OVW. Ray comes in and demands a match with Aries on Sunday. Hogan isn’t sure, so Ray says it’ll be official by the end of the night.

Storm tells Hardy not to fall into Roode’s traps. Hardy has another inner monologue.

Kid Kash vs. Kenny King vs. Zema Ion

The winner gets the title shot at RVD on Sunday. Ion and King double team Kash to start, knocking him to the floor. King kicks Ion’s head off for two before knocking Ion off the apron. King loads up presumably a dive but Ion takes his head off with a clothesline for two. Everyone is back in now with King hitting a slingshot legdrop for two on Kash. Ion is on the floor so there’s a big slingshot rana by Kash.

King dives on them as well, so Ion dives on both of them. Back in and Kash hooks a Boston Crab on King, only to have Ion break it up. Kash ranas King to the floor and gets two off a clothesline to Ion. Ion shoves Kash off the top and out to the floor. King uses the chance to hit a springboard Blockbuster and the F5 into the Rock Bottom (the Royal Flush) for the pin at 5:47.

Rating: C+. This was your usual triple threat X Title match, but at the same time, why am I supposed to care about the X Division at this point? How many PPVs in a row are they going to have the X Title match thrown on at the last second? If it’s going to be treated like nothing, there’s no way I’m going to care about it either.

Ray is on the phone and saying he’s going to take over the show until he gets what he wants because Hogan is stubborn.

We recap the Ray/Aries/Hogan/Hogan stuff.

Here’s Ray who says he’s taking over the show until he gets what he and the fans want. Ray sits down in a chair and here’s Aries with a chair of his own. Aries says that Ray is fighting for the woman he loves. Aries says that he’ll sit in the ring with Ray. Hogan’s music hits (Aries: “OR I’LL SIT OVER HERE!”) and he says there’s no match on Sunday. If Ray doesn’t leave the ring, it’ll be a firing or a beating. This brings out Brooke who says Hogan is making it too personal. She calls him Mark, which is enough to get Hogan to make the match. The only good thing about this was how low cut Brooke’s top was.

We run down the card for the PPV.

Video on Roode vs. Hardy.

Bad Influence/Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy/AJ Styles/James Storm

Kaz and Daniels made a throwaway line earlier tonight about it being Throwback Thursday, so they come out in Zubaz Pants and fanny packs. WOW. Storm and Kaz start things off after some big match intros. James hits a Thesz Press to pound away on Frankie (throwback right?) before it’s off to Jeff for some kicks. AJ comes in so Daniels runs away. The good guys clean house and Poetry In Motion puts Kaz down as we take a break.

Back with Hardy getting beaten down by Kaz. AJ tries to come in to beat up Daniels but it only allows for more heel double and triple teaming. Bad Influence hits a Hart Attack on Jeff and Roode chinlocks him to block a tag. Kaz and Daniels take turns with the chinlocks until it’s back to Roode. Bobby goes up top but jumps into a Twist of Fate.

Hot tag brings in AJ and everything breaks down. Storm hits a Backstabber and Codebreaker on Daniels, followed by AJ hitting the reverse DDT/a regular DDT on Kaz and Roode respectively. AJ is loading up something on Daniels, but Kaz runs in to break it up. Hardy tags himself in and hits the Twist for the win at 15:05.

Rating: C+. Fun tag match here, mainly because Hardy is such a master at selling. I mean really, can ANYONE make you believe he’s dying in a ring better than Jeff Hardy? Fun match here with a nice long heat segment with Hardy getting beaten down. I still have no idea what Storm is supposed to be doing right now though.

Aces and 8’s come out to beat down Hardy post match, and Roode is smiling a lot. Storm makes the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Not a great show here but WAY better than last week. They cut down on the Hogan nonsense and let us have a wrestling show instead of wasting our time with the stupid drama. The main problem with tonight’s show though was that they seemingly added about half of the card for the PPV tonight, which says a lot about how much they care about Sunday’s show.

Results

D-Von b. Samoa Joe – D-Von pinned Joe after Doc hit Joe with a hammer

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Frog Splash to Robbie E

Kurt Angle b. Doc via DQ when Aces and 8’s interefered

Kenny King b. Zema Ion and Kid Kash – Royal Flush

James Storm/AJ Styles/Jeff Hardy b. Bad Influence/Bobby Roode – Twist of Fate to Kazarian

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 29, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

It’s Championship Thursday because we can’t go more than a week without having some kind of gimmick show. The main story going on is apparently a hidden love between Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan, because the world wants BROOKE. Other than that we’ve got Aces and 8’s who likely won’t do anything but beat up a lower card guy as they do every week. Let’s get to it.

It’s the usual recap intro. We get the results of Wes Brisco’s Gut Check tonight as well.

Here’s Hogan (Hulk in case you’re a bit slow) to open the show. He talks about how he’s a father and a general manager, and those roles collided last week. Hogan wants Ray to come out here right now and tell him to his face what’s going on. Here’s Ray in street clothes, seemingly ticked off at Hulk for this. Ray wants to know what’s going on because Hogan doesn’t trust him and never has.

Hogan says cut the nonsense and tell him what’s going on between Ray and Brooke. Ray asks if Hogan is sure he wants that, because it might not be what Hogan wants to hear. Cue Brooke to really crank up the acting in this segment. Brooke says she’s 18 now and Hulk immediately cuts her off. He doesn’t want Brooke EVER with another wrestler, especially Ray.

Aries pops up on the screen, standing on a table in the back. Apparently Hulk needs to be here to pick a #1 contender to the X Title. The options are Ion, Kash and King. He lays on the desk but says it’s uncomfortable. “Brooke, how do you do this?” I guess Aries is a candidate for the shot as well.

Gail Kim vs. Mickie James

Gail is all fierce tonight and pounds away on Mickie from the start. Off to a headscissors which goes nowhere for Kim but Mickie misses the Thesz Press off the top. Running dropkick gets two for Gail but Eat Defeat is countered. Mick Kick puts Gail down but Kim’s foot is under the rope. Mickie hits the rana out of the corner and a neckbreker gets two. The jumping DDT is blocked by Gail but a tornado DDT pins Gail at 4:57.

Rating: D+. This is what you call going through the motions. Gail is just there anymore in TNA, which could be said about the entire Knockouts Division at this point. There’s nothing new about this division as Mickie vs. Tara has been done so many times before that there’s no reason to get interested in it again.

Storm and AJ argue over who has the right to complain.

Hogan storms into his office and it’s time for the first cut. King gets yelled at for snickering at Aries’ joke. Ion says he’s pretty. Kash says he started the X Division and is a two time champion. Aries says he never lost the title. King is gone, thereby making this far less interesting.

Here’s Roode for a chat. He says last week he made a statement by attacking Hardy and York after Hardy almost lost to the Gut Check Rookie last week. Roode is the real champion and Hardy is just a paper version. If you want to make an impact, call out Roode, not Hardy. This brings out Christian York to deck Roode, which he says is calling Bobby out.

Bobby Roode vs. Christian York

This starts after a break with York taking Roode down very quickly. York comes back with a hop toss and a shoulder block. Make that a few shoulders for two. Roode gets sent into the steps but as York comes back in, Roode crotches him to take over. York gets up a boot in the corner but Roode clotheslines him down. A suplex gets no cover but Roode jumps into a boot. York comes back with more clotheslines and a dropkick, followed by a double stomp to the back from the middle rope. A small package gets two for Roode but York turns his head, allowing Bobby to hit a clothesline to the back of the head. Crossface beats York at 5:17.

Rating: D+. Not a great match but it’s nice to see a Gut Check guy get actual ring time. Until last week, I don’t think we had seen anybody from the conpetition back on the show at all. Anyway, not a terrible match here but it was pretty dull. York has a much better look than the other guys, but his offense is a bit limited. Decent way to spend ten minutes here.

Roode gets a chair post match but Jeff Hardy makes the save.

We recap the Aces and 8’s hammer attacks over the last few weeks.

The boss talks to Aces and 8’s about the holidays. Next week it’s Doc vs. Angle. D-Von wants his TV Title back and he wants it next week. If he gets the shot, no one gets hut tonight. If not, everything goes nuts.

Gut Check judges talk.

Prichard says someone isn’t here but Angle comes up and pleads Wes Brisco’s case. Apparently Al Snow is the person not here.

Kazarian/Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles/James Storm

Before the match, Daniels says he’ll win the FINAL MATCH and it’ll haunt AJ forever. AJ and Kaz get things going with Kaz ducking under the dropkick. Off to Storm who speeds things up and hits a running neckbreaker. He glares at AJ before turning around to punch Daniels. AJ comes in and messes up a double elbow with Storm. A knee drop misses Daniels and the heels take over. Storm comes back in and is immediately beaten down in the corner. Daniels and Kaz want to be called Bad Influence because they like the vices of life.

Daniels hits a slingshot elbow followed by a slingshot legdrop for two. The evil ones do that Gangam Style or whatever it’s called dance as Taz audibly rolls his eyes. Hot tag brings in AJ to clean half of the house or so. The springboard forearm puts Daniels down but AJ goes for a slingshot dive onto Kaz, which misses completely (these misses are intentional if that’s not clear). Daniels goes to the floor for some double teaming, followed by a combination Blue Thunder Bomb/neckbreaker for two on AJ. Storm pulls Kaz to the floorr but AJ misses the Pele. Blind tag brings in Storm for the Last Call to Daniels for the pin at 7:08.

Rating: C+. Decent tag match here and we’ve got a story going on with AJ here. I’m not wild on Storm being used as a placeholder in a feud like this but that’s TNA for you. I’m also not looking forward to AJ vs. Daniels again, because it’s been done SO many times already. It’ll be good, but I don’t care to see it again. I just don’t.

Lockdown is in San Antonio.

Back to the X-Division reality stuff. Ion references Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania which is just cool. That will never be said about Ion again. Kash says he should get a shot because he’s been there before. Aries gets the shot. Sure why not.

Joe says ok to D-Von’s challenge, because D-Von abandoned the title.

Douglas Williams vs. Matt Morgan

Ryan does Morgan’s intro here. Morgan has Hogan’s old robe from 1980 here. Total squash, ended by a chokeslam and the Carbon Footprint at 2:11.

D’Lo Brown is replacing Snow. Taz says no, the others say yes. That took ten minutes somehow. Angle and Garrett come out to celebrate.

Ray yells at Hogan and says he’s confusing business with personal. Hogan accuses Ray of the same thing.

Aries tells Hogan that winning the X Title back is his path to the world title and says this was his plan. We don’t hear Hogan’s response because of an audio glitch, which means we hear a Roode/Hardy package instead.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Austin Aries

Van Dam takes him down into the corner to start but Aries comes back quickly. Aries’ splash hits knees though and we head to the floor. Van Dam hits a plancha and we take a break. Back with RVD countering the suicide dive but hitting the barricade with the spinning legdrop. Aries hits a neckbreaker over the barricade which gets a bunch of two’s back in the ring.

A DDT gets two for Aries as does a modified Rolling Thunder. Aries tries the Five Star but hits only mat. Van Dam hits the real Rolling Thunder and the Split Legged Moonsault for two. Van Dam dropkicks him down and loads up the Five Star, only to get knocked into the barricade by Aries. Aries gets the mic and insults Brooke a big, drawing out Bully Ray for the DQ 12:31. Oh freaking screw this.

Rating: C. This was getting good until the end. Aries vs. Ray at the PPV I guess, but man alive I do not care at all about this story. Could it be because there’s WAY too much Brooke Hogan in it? Well she’s in the story at all, so that would imply there being too much of her. The match was going fine until the end, but a bit too much stealing moves for me.

Aries gets caught between Ray and Hogan to end the show. Aries of course is an afterthought as Hogan and Ray stare at each other, with Ray saying Hogan still doesn’t trush me.

Overall Rating: D. Oh I did not like this show. I mean I didn’t like it AT ALL. The main problem here is that the stakes were so freaking low. We’ve got Ray, who has to be injured or something given how long it’s been since he had a match, apparently dating (that hasn’t been confirmed yet) Brooke because TWO secret relationships aren’t enough in a single year. We’ve got Hogan FURIOUS at Aries so he gives him a title match. Not a world title match mind you, but a title match for a title that is often tacked on to PPVs at the last minute.

Other than that we’ve got Hardy and Roode feuding through Christian York to set up a match that Roode has as much chance of winning as I have of winning Miss America 1984. Wes Brisco, a guy famous for coming from a famous family and who is clearly in Aces and 8’s because NO ONE ELSE IN WRESTLING HAS HAIR LIKE THAT gets to beat Garrett Bischoff to make it to Gut Check. Why am I supposed to care?

That’s Impact in a nutshell right now: they seem to have no idea where they’re going and no reason to give me to care. We’re getting Mickie vs. Tara in the dead Knockouts Division. We’ve got Storm going nowhere. We’ve got AJ vs. Daniels for literally probably their 12^th PPV match. We’ve got D-Von and Luke freaking Gallows as the only names in Aces and 8’s. What is interesting about TNA right now? If you can come up with something, you’re either smarter than I am or a total mark for their company.

Results

Mickie James b. Gail Kim – Tornado DDT

Bobby Roode b. Christian York – Crossface

James Storm/AJ Styles b. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels – Last Call to Daniels

Matt Morgan b. Douglas Williams – Carbon Footprint

Austin Aries b. Rob Van Dam via DQ when Bully Ray interfered

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