WCW Hardcore Collection
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Stevie Ray

Now this is just screaming BAD IDEA. Like everything else they stole from the WWF, WCW had a hardcore division and believe it or not, it was a mess. Most of it was built around comedy and while it had some moments, it mostly missed the point of being comic relief. I’m almost scared to know what they have in mind here but let’s get to it.

From Spring Stampede 1999.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hak

Hak is better known as Sandman from ECW. They brawl in the aisle before the bell to start fast and Hak pulls out a table from underneath a wagon (because WCW had some AMAZING pay per view sets). A Swanton off the wagon sends Bigelow through the table as Hak’s manager Chastity is pulling out weapons. Bigelow comes back by ramming Hak into the laundry cart he used to bring the weapons to the ring.

A crutch to the back and face rock Hak and they go inside, where Hak blasts him with a trashcan. Bigelow hits him in the head with a cookie sheet, with Schiavone saying he doesn’t think it hurts as much as some other things. A broom to the back keeps Hak in trouble and lets commentary talk about curling. Bigelow hits him with a salad bowl but Hak tries a suplex, only to hurt his own knee.

Therefore, the best solution is to bring in a ladder. Hak puts it on Bigelow’s back and of course drops a Swanton, followed by a bulldog onto said ladder. A table is set up at ringside and Hak climbs the ladder, naturally being sent through the table for a massive crash. Back in and Hak is sent into the ladder, followed by crotching himself on a piece of barricade.

Chastity comes in with a fire extinguisher…but it doesn’t work, only for Bigelow to spray her instead. Hak hits him in the back with the kendo stick and grabs a White Russian legsweep. Instead of covering, they go up, with Bigelow hitting Greetings From Asbury Park through a table for the pin at 11:35.

Rating: C. Not the most thrilling start to the set but it shows you what can go wrong when you just let people hit each other with weapons. There was really nothing that made this stand out and it was little more than two guys doing stuff until one of them won. In other words, this was just trying to tap into the ECW style without looking at why it worked.

From Thunder, April 7, 1999 (four days before Spring Stampede).

Hak vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Whipwreck starts with some armdrags and Hak bails to the floor for an early breather. Back in and they go to the mat for some grappling with Hak getting the better of things. Hak sends him outside for an eye rake from Chastity. Whipwreck sends him into the barricade and a Russian legsweep sends Hak into the barricade. Back in and Whipwreck hits a top rope clothesline for two and we take a break.

We come back with Hak whipping him into the barricade and then draping Whipwreck over said barricade. A legdrop off the apron hits Whipwreck again but he’s back with a slingshot Fameasser to cut Hak off back inside. Whipwreck puts a chair in front of Hak’s face in the Tree Of Woe for a running dropkick.

A twisting middle rope dive only hits chair though and Hak drapes him over the top. There’s the top rope legdrop to the back, followed by a slingshot legdrop onto a chair onto Whipwreck. Chastity throws in a kendo stick but Whipwreck intercepts it and hammers away. That’s cut off though and a White Russian legsweep finishes for Hak at 8:00.

Rating: C. Whipwreck was trying here but there is only so much you can do when there is no reason to care about either of these two. At the end of the day, this just feels lifeless and that’s one of the worst things that can happen on any wrestling show. Nothing to see here, even with Whipwreck being a bit of a change of pace.

Post match Bam Bam Bigelow comes out with the Greetings From Asbury Park on Hak. Bigelow says he’ll see Hak at Spring Stampede, because this collection is oddly constructed.

From Slamboree 1999.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs throws the weapons in to start, including a pizza pan to the head. Some trashcan shots to the head seem to wake Bigelow up, as he kicks the trashcan into Knobbs’ face. Something close to a Big Ending gives Bigelow a delayed two and a Swan Dive gets the same. Commentary gets in a weird argument with Tenay’s microphone being cut off, with Knobbs coming back with a chair shot.

They go outside, with Knobbs being sent into the steps and Bigelow blasts him the dreaded pizza pan. Some trashcan lids to the head (ala cymbals) crush Knobbs’ head but he sends Bigelow into a laundry cart. Knobbs’ charge crashes into said cart, only to come back with some more trashcan shots.

The fight heads back up to the set, with Knobbs crashing into the WCW.com location. They find a merchandise stand which is only there for the sake of the fight and then go backstage, where Knobbs finds a ladder. It’s back to the merchandise stand, where Knobbs…I think misses an elbow off the balcony. Bigelow suplexes him through a table for the win at 11:31. Heenan: “And they do this for a living!”

Rating: C+. Now we’re getting somewhere, as this stopped being the “I hit you, you hit me” style and started to get more fun. One of the keys to this kind of match being entertaining is to go somewhere or to use something out of the ordinary and we hadn’t see that in the first few matches. It’s still only so good, but this was a step in the right direction.

From Monday Nitro, June 7, 1999.

La Parka/Silver King vs. Ciclope/Damien

Mexican Death Match so Parka chairs Ciclope while the music is still playing. King chairs Damien and they’re just going straight to the weapons. King gets knocked down and Parka is sent face first into a trashcan in the corner. Ciclope (the Great Pumpkin according to Schiavone) puts a trashcan over Parka so Damien can kick him, followed by a backdrop to the floor.

A baseball slide sends a chair into Parka’s face but he grabs the chair and BLASTS a diving Ciclope out of the air (that looked GREAT). That lets Parka do his chair dance but Damien dropkicks him down, only for King to dropkick Damien down. King tries a dive, which Damien cuts off by tossing a chair up to knock him out of the air. Heenan: “OH IS THIS GREAT!”

Damien is put in a chair and Parka hits a big suicide dive to crush him again. Back in and King throws a trashcan over the top and onto Ciclope, setting up an Asai moonsault onto all three of them. More weapons are brought in and commentary is getting more and more into this. Back in and Parka loads up a chair and then pulls Damien off the top, sending him face first into said chair for two. Parka takes Damien up top but gets hit with a trashcan lid, which goes flying out of Ciclope’s hand, with Schiavone having to make the cage.

Ciclope gets backdropped to the floor before fighting on the apron with King. That’s fine with King, who grabs a tornado DDT through a table. That leaves Parka to reverse Damien’s super hurricanrana into a superbomb through a table…for two. Schiavone: “HE KICKED OUT OF BEING POWERBOMBED!!!” Heenan: “WHY???” Parka powerbombs Damien onto two open chairs (THUD) for the pin at 7:15.

Rating: B+. As soon as I saw this compilation, I was hoping they would include this one. This match stood out when I saw it airing live and when I went back to watch the show twenty plus years later. This was four guys who were pretty much never going to get another chance going out there and leaving everything they had in the ring. They beat the living daylights out of each other and I got pulled into it all over again, with commentary having a blast in their own right. This was easily one of the biggest surprises in WCW history and it definitely holds up.

From Bash At The Beach 1999 (oh I knew this one would be on there).

Junkyard Invitational

So this is one of WCW’s brilliant ideas: having about fifteen people (we never get a list of names) fight IN A REAL JUNKYARD. AT NIGHT! There’s a camera in a helicopter and some handheld cameras but other than that, it’s just a wild setup so don’t expect anything in the way of play by play. The brawl starts and Public Enemy turns a car over and Jerry Flynn plugs a cable into an engine to shoot some sparks.

This lets commentary explain that you win by being the first person to get over a fence. Knobbs and King fight on a car as Heenan says we can’t really call this. Some people (we can’t see them) hit each other with bumpers as we see Finlay, Hugh Morrus, William Regal (who said that he hid in cars, did a few spots, and then hid again to avoid getting hurt, because he’s smart). Hak (who challenged people to the match) is on a car and throwing punches as one of the cameras starts glitching.

Morrus misses an elbow from one car onto another as Jimmy Hart is standing nearby in a helmet (Schiavone: “We have a Jimmy Hart shining.”) and Finlay hits Knobbs with a trashcan. Rock is sent through the window of a van, leaving Morrus to drop the same elbow he tried a moment ago but this time it hits. Someone (Schiavone: “Who was that that was airborne?” Heenan: “Who knows? Who cares?”) dives onto a big pile and Rock is sent through a windshield.

Heenan goes into a funny bit about selling cars as the people just start throwing things at each other. We see Mikey Whipwreck for the first time about eight minutes in as Morrus misses a charge into a window. Finlay uses a trashcan lid to block a punch and then Dave Taylor gets a tire wrapped around him.

Rock and Horace FINALLY go over to the fence, with Horace cutting off an escape attempt. Now it’s time to go back to the brawling and we go to a helicopter shot just in case you were getting an idea of what was going on. Taylor dances out of the tire and Hak staggers over to a car. Finlay is put into the trunk (Heenan: “This is not 75 in Atlanta!”) and here’s a forklift to send that car to the crusher. Finlay gets out of the trunk and the car is destroyed, with the forklift not being seen again (as it wasn’t seen before either). Finlay turns a barrel of fire over and climbs out as a well timed explosion gives him cover at 12:58.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling, but rather one of those all time “WHY DID THEY DO THIS” moments. There were no entrances, there was no structure to the whole thing, there were all kinds of injuries (including Finlay), it didn’t really help anyone and (possibly) above all else, you couldn’t even see what was going on. This was one of those things where they needed someone to stop and ask why they were doing this and then realize there was no reason to, because it was a disaster.

From Thunder, May 31, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido

Funk is defending and chairs Candido on the ramp to start fast. They fight to the back and let’s look at commentary (Schiavone: “We are on camera!”) as a camera isn’t ready. We pick things up in the back with Funk knocking him into the back of a truck…and driving away. The referee gives chase (that man deserves a raise) as it’s back to commentary as they’re not sure what is going on.

We pick up the shot with the truck driving along (I’m assuming later in the show) and let’s go to a stable. Candido hits him with a trashcan and Schiavone can’t believe we’re seeing horses. And of course there’s a table, which commentary finds rather amusing. Funk is sent into some bales of hay and then into a water trough, and then into some manure. A horse stall door to the head staggers (well staggers even more) Funk so he sends Candido into a wall. The horse is NOT happy with this and gets even angrier when Funk piledrives Candido.

The horse seems to kick Candido in the arm and comes THIS CLOSE to kicking Funk in the head (which would have possibly killed him, so yes Funk does in fact threaten the horse). They go back outside, where Candido kicks him low and puts him on the table, then climbs the stall. Funk uses a rope to pull him through said table…and trashcans the referee in the head. Funk covers Candido, but has to pour water on the referee so he can make the count at 5:30 shown.

Rating: B. This was a blast and one of the most entertaining things I’ve seen in a good while. Terry Funk is an absolute treasure as he can make anything work, including teasing getting in a fight with a horse. Something tells me this was almost all Funk’s idea and they just let the two of them do whatever, which made for a hilarious match as Funk got to have fun.

From Monday Nitro, August 14, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Carl Ouellet vs. Norman Smiley

Smiley is challenging and we had to get to his era sooner or later. Ouellet (better known as PCO) hammers away to start and it’s time to head outside, as the weapons are waiting on them. It’s already time for a table but Smiley tries to fight back. That earns him a big running flip dive over the top and they head back inside. Smiley hits him low with a broomstick but Ouellet runs him over with a trashcan.

The table is set up in the corner but Smiley manages a quick clothesline. The spinning slam sets up the Big Wiggle (Madden: “Maybe Norman’s a big more hardcore than we thought.”), which is broken up, allowing Ouellet to hit a low blow. A sitout Rock Bottom plants Smiley again and Ouellet puts him on the table…but the Cannonball misses, allowing Smiley to fall on top for the pin and the title at 5:56.

Rating: C. It’s pretty much a nothing match, but Smiley was a huge part of the division and you had to include him in there somehow. This was leaning more into the comedy, as Smiley basically won the match by mistake. It’s a big departure from what’s been going on but in this case, that’s fine enough.

From Monday Nitro, October 30, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Kwee Wee

Reno is defending and gets jumped from behind with a trashcan lid. A sunset flip off the barricade gives Wee two but Reno fights back without much trouble. Naturally the fans want tables because that’s all they ever want. A pink trashcan to the back puts Wee down again and Reno hits a kendo stick shot off the apron.

Wee manages to send him into the barricade and then does it again to take Reno down again. What looks like a stickball bat is used to choke Reno up the ramp but here are the Natural Born Thrillers to cut Wee off. The Thrillers do their awesome toss to send Wee from the floor and over the top, setting up Roll The Dice to retain the title at 5:19.

Rating: C-. I’m assuming this was just in there for the Thrillers’ toss, which was awesome but didn’t have much to do with the match. This was a pretty weak entry, but the company was all but dead so there were only so many positives to be found. That wasn’t the case here and it was just kind of a quick and unimportant match.

From Sin.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Crowbar vs. Meng

Funk is defending and Crowbar (who idolizes Funk) attacks him with a chair to take things to the back. The fight heads into a restroom and a woman screaming can be heard. Funk hits him in the head with a trashcan (including trash) as Meng is still on his way from the ring to the backstage area. Funk sends Crowbar into a stall as Daphne screams a lot (ah that makes sense) as Meng shows up to hit Funk with a mop bucket.

Some trashcan shots knock Funk back into the arena but Crowbar is back up to hit Meng with a fire extinguisher. Funk tosses the trashcan into Meng’s face and the other two ram Meng’s face into a metal wall. Naturally Meng shrugs that off and gives them a double noggin knocker. With that not working, Crowbar and Funk fight back and slam a bunch of chairs onto Meng for two.

Back up and Crowbar sprays Funk with a fire extinguisher before hitting him with a laptop. Funk is put onto a table and Crowbar goes into a balcony for a big legdrop, knocking both of them out. Meng is back with a low blow to Crowbar but he’s able to slug back anyway. Funk is back up with a snow shovel to the head (and Meng crumples down) and it’s time for a piece of the barricade.

Funk slams Crowbar through the barricade, with Crowbar’s leg being stuck between the rungs. Thankfully Crowbar gets up and fights back with the chair before Pillmanizing Funk’s leg. Funk is right back up to punch away until Crowbar dropkicks the leg out. Meng is back in as Crowbar grabs a Figure Four on Funk. That’s broken up with a heck of a top rope splash from Meng to Crowbar, followed by a piledriver…but Funk breaks up the cover. Because of course he does.

Meng’s middle rope splash gets two as Crowbar uses the chair for the save. Crowbar and Funk unload with chair shots to Meng’s head (assuming they can get that far past the hair) before Crowbar chairs Funk in the head. Meng pops back up and superkicks a chair into Crowbar’s head. Meng’s Tongan Death Grip finishes Funk for the title, which Meng then took to the WWF when he left a week later because WCW gave him the title without having him signed to a contract.

Rating: B. That shovel shot alone was worth a look as Meng just went down in an awesome visual. What made this work was three guys having a good time in a fight, as Crowbar and Funk were trying (and failing) to stop the monster. It’s way too later to matter, but I can appreciate people trying when they are given the chance. Crowbar was giving it his everything here and Funk was his usual self, which made for a good show.

Overall Rating: B-. This started very slowly and then turned into a lot of fun. The key was figuring out that hardcore was basically a glorified joke and then it got fun in a hurry. Stuff like Hak and Knobbs just hitting each other with weapons gets old fast, but Funk beating up Candido in a stable was entertaining and different. WCW’s hardcore division wasn’t great most of the time, but the best of it was very good.

 

 

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Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay

I might as well take another look at some of the shows on the WCW YouTube channel so we’ll go with something from the terrible days of the promotion. Well terrible is kind of a stretch, as I’ve always had a soft spot for this year. This is the show that tends to be more hardcore and violent, and in this case it’s YAPPAPI time. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Lex Luger hurting Sting and various other people, so tonight Sting is back for revenge. The other big matches: Hogan vs. Flair and Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett. That’s…really not a great lineup.

Various people arrive, including someone we don’t see in a limo. That’s never good. Like, at all.

Schiavone: “We’re getting ready to break some heads!”

Cruiserweight Title: Psychosis vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea

Prince, with Paisley (better known as Sharmell) is defending and we’re in the weird unmasked Psychosis (with Juventud Guerrera) era. Hold on though as the bell rings and some music plays, with Chris Candido coming out to join commentary as a surprise. Psychosis starts fast by knocking Prince outside for a big dive (Candido: “I can do that.”) but Prince is right back inside to hammer away. A running shoulder drops Guerrera for two and Prince sends him outside as Candido wonders where his own (unnamed) valet is.

Back in and Prince pulls out the hair a bit before dropping a knee for some near falls. A super hurricanrana drops Prince and they….I’m not sure what it was supposed to be but Psychosis snaps off a gordbuster. Paisley offers a distraction so Juventud kisses her, earning a whipping with his own shirt. For some reason Paisley tries to take his belt off as Psychosis hits a guillotine legdrop. Psychosis lets up on the pin for no apparent reason, allowing Prince to hit a middle rope DDT and retain at 7:21.

Rating: C-. Like most Prince matches, this wasn’t bad, but it was really, really dull. There was nothing about the Prince that made you want to see him and having him do this gimmick didn’t make things any better. Psychosis was little more than a random challenger and he added almost nothing. Finally you have Candido, who felt like a total afterthought and did pretty much nothing here, which sums up a lot of his time in WCW.

Bam Bam Bigelow isn’t sure what the Wall is doing but he’s going to stop him tonight.

XS vs. Norman Smiley/The Demon

XS is Lenny Lane/Lodi, now a couple of stereotypical party guys, but Miss Hancock comes out for commentary. She’s not happy with her for turning her down so she’s managing Smiley and Demon instead. Smiley comes out of Demon’s casket, but gets scared by the pyro. It’s a…well not really a brawl to start but Demon and Lodi fight to the floor and Norman (in Demon paint) gives Lane the Big Wiggle.

The spinning slam is broken up so Norman brings in the Demon, who gets caught in the wrong corner. A double clothesline gets Demon out of trouble and it’s back to Norman, who is quickly caught with a Skull Crushing Finale. The Demon makes the save and Norman’s Conquest gives Norman the win at 3:42.

Rating: D-. Why was this on pay per view? XS was as low level of a team as you can get and yet they were at least a regular team. Smiley and the Demon might have teamed together occasionally but it was there for the gag of Smiley as a demon and nothing more. It wasn’t funny and thankfully it was short, with Hancock sounding more like a heel than anything else here.

Post match XS blames Hancock for the loss and seem to try kidnapping her, with Demon and Norman making the save so Hancock can dance.

Billy Kidman, with Torrie Wilson, apologizes to Booker (not T., which we’ll get to later) before their tag match. Booker says if Kidman is going to be there, he needs to be there.

David Flair and Crowbar, both in neck braces, want Daphne to stay in the back. She agrees and then smiles once they leave.

We recap the Wall’s recent path of rage, involving him beating up people like Bam Bam Bigelow, David Flair and Crowbar, with Bigelow (Wall’s mentor) standing up against him. I’ve heard far worse stories.

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

They slug it out to start and Bigelow hits a splash in the corner, followed by a clothesline to cut Wall off. A top rope headbutt connects for two but Wall is right back with a big boot. They fight out into the production area, with Wall chokeslamming him through a table for some sparks and a DQ at 3:20.

Rating: D. What was that? Well other than another TV style match which happened to be on the pay per view that is. The idea of Bigelow trying to stop the monster is fine, but could you at least let them have a decent fight first? The match didn’t even make it four minutes and Wall never felt in any real danger. Why was this here?

Immediately after the match, Crowbar and David Flair jump the Wall, with Crowbar getting him up onto the scaffolding. Wall chokeslams him through the stage in a pretty awesome crash. Ah, that’s why the match was there. Wall gets to do his signature look, which is NO WAY like Bubba Ray Dudley’s look after he powerbombed people through tables. We pause for Crowbar to be put in an ambulance as wrestlers watch.

Brian Knobbs dedicates his Hardcore Title match to Bigelow and Crowbar. Uh, thanks?

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

3 Count is defending in a gauntlet match. In one of the most bizarre choices of all time (and this is WCW), Knobbs’ theme music at this point is….a rock version of My Sharona. Naturally since this is WCW, they don’t seem to get the definition of GAUNTLET match, as 3 Count goes after Knobbs at the same time. They jump Knobbs together to start but he easily fights back with trashcan shots.

The Pit Stop puts Moore and Karagias down but Helms, wearing a mask to protect a broken nose, is immune. I’m not sure that makes sense but Knobbs is sent into a ladder, setting up some splashes off of said ladder. Knobbs is back with a fire extinguisher and a chair to Helms for the first pin (Knobbs’ music plays because even WCW doesn’t get it).

The table is pulled out and Karagias is powerbombed through it for the second fall. Another table is set up but Helms is back in with a dropkick to Knobbs…whose foot it is in the ropes so it doesn’t count. In a hardcore match. Which is called a gauntlet but isn’t. Knobbs throws a ladder over the top onto Karagias and drives a trashcan onto Moore for the final pin and the title at 6:55.

Rating: D-. Do they not know what a GAUNTLET match is? If you want this to be an elimination match then fine, just call it that instead. But no, the idea is to just call it a gauntlet match when that has nothing to do with anything. You might as well say Knobbs is challenging in an Icepick Donkey match, because it has as much to do with a gauntlet as this mess did. It wasn’t even like Knobbs was in any danger here, even with 3 Count’s cool dives off the ladder. Oh and one more thing: BRIAN KNOBBS IS WINNING A TITLE ON PAY PER VIEW IN 2000. Stop that!

Harlem Heat 2000 is ready to…..I have no idea, as it’s Big T (Ahmed Johnson) yelling. Now, you might remember earlier that I said his name was just “Booker”. That’s because the story is Booker has lost the rights to the Harlem Heat material, which somehow included the middle initial T. I’m not kidding.

Vampiro talks about doing bad things and how people like Fit Finlay drive him to do them.

Booker/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

Torrie Wilson, J. Biggs (Clarence Mason) and Cash (a big bodyguard) are here too. Ray stomps on Booker to start as Biggs talks about how he doesn’t care what happened to Crowbar. Kidman comes in for a dropkick so it’s off to Big T., who powers Kidman down. Booker fights up but the numbers game gets to him. Kidman is taken outside and held so Big T. can dive over the barricade to take him down.

That’s fine in theory except Big T. barely clears the barricade and only grazes Kidman, who doesn’t even leave his feet while Big T. faceplants. And that’s his post WWF run in a single moment. Back in and Big T. spinebusters Kidman for two but Kidman bulldogs Ray out of the corner. The Book End plants Ray with Big E. making the save, followed by a double spinebuster. Kidman dives in for the save and Ray is sent outside. That leaves Booker to kick Big T. into a rollup for the pin at 6:59.

Rating: D. And that might be the second best match of the night. That dive summed up everything about Big T.’s time here, as it was just embarrassing to see what used to be one of the coolest looking stars in years reduced to an embarrassment because he can’t do it anymore. Just dreadful here, with Booker and Kidman looking fine as a team but having absolutely nothing to work with on the other side.

We look at the Wall attacking Crowbar again.

Recap of Vampiro vs. Finlay. Vampiro is the young punk and Finlay is here to teach him some respect.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Falls Count Anywhere. Finlay hammers him down to start and hits a clothesline for a bonus. Vampiro is back up and hits a top rope spinwheel kick to drop Finlay, who shrugs it off again. Instead Finlay grabs a chair, which the referee takes away, allowing Vampiro to kick Finlay down again. They go outside and Finlay is sent into the announcers’ table but Vampiro gets too cocky and is sent over the barricade.

The fight heads out into the concourse and into the men’s room (where Finlay had promised to take him). Finlay slams a stall door onto his head but Vampiro is back with a trashcan to the ribs. Vampiro climbs onto the top of a stall but gets trashcanned out of the air. Now it’s time to go back into the concourse and even outside, which doesn’t last long. Finlay backdrops him onto the concrete but gets sent into concrete column. The Nail In The Coffin (Michinoku Driver) finishes for Vampiro at 8:39.

Rating: C-. I guess the idea here was to have Vampiro become a future star but…he just wasn’t very good. The spinwheel kick looked good but the rest was just a bunch of standard hardcore stuff. That doesn’t really make me want to see Vampiro do anything and he doesn’t exactly stand out. Finlay was his usual good self and Vampiro isn’t totally awful by any means, but he isn’t this next big thing that WCW seemed to think he was going to be.

Vampiro goes back into the arena to celebrate with the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett gives the Harris Twins a pep talk but they seem confident.

Disco Inferno and the Mamalukes are ready to retain the Tag Team Titles.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Twins vs. Mamalukes

The Twins, still part of the NWO, are challenging in a No DQ match. Vito and Ron start things off with Vito taking over to start, as Disco Inferno is already annoying the rest of commentary. Don comes in and hammers away but gets pounded down. A low blow drops Vito, who is right back up to knock Ron down. Johnny comes in for a double double ax handle to the chest, followed by something like the Harris’ H Bomb to Ron.

Don is back up to send Johnny outside and into the barricade, followed by a side slam back inside. The slow beating allows Johnny to fight back up with a clothesline, allowing the needed tag off to Vito. House is cleaned and a top rope elbow gets two, followed by a Hart Attack for two. Vito is sent outside so a double flapjack can connect for two more. A double spinebuster gets two more with Vito making the save. Inferno comes in and hits Ron in the face with the belt for two, leaving Ron to hit Johnny with the belt. The H Bomb gives Don the pin and the titles at 8:47.

Rating: D. The fans’ silence during this match sums up the issue: the Harris Twins are a perfect example of a team who is fine on paper but falls apart as soon as you get away from said paper. They’re just so, so, so boring and there’s no way around it. At the same time you have the Mamalukes and Disco Inferno, which a story that has gone on for so long that it stopped making sense months ago without ever being interesting in the first place. Boring match and the Twins winning the titles is about the worst result imaginable.

Fit Finlay says he beat respect into Vampiro but the better man won tonight. Now keep the fire burning from here on out.

Team Package (Lex Luger/Ric Flair/Elizabeth in a terrible name) is ready for Sting and Hulk Hogan tonight.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk, with Rhodes attacking Funk to continue the Funk vs. Dusty Rhodes feud. This resulted in Funk pulling out a chicken and saying it was Dusty’s son. Funk then knocked Rhodes out with the chicken, because that was a thing. Therefore, it’s bullrope match time.

Rhodes promises to make Funk bleed and retire him.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Texas Bullrope match and yes Funk brings a chicken with him. Funk does a Foghorn Leghorn impression and says he thinks he sees a chicken in the ring. The only difference between Dusty and Dustin is Dusty is a lot fatter, but Funk has Dustin’s younger brother here. Cue a man in a chicken suit, causing Dustin to run up the aisle, where Funk hits him in the head with the chicken.

The bell rings and Funk beats him into the ring, where Funk whips him with the rope. Some left hands in the corner have Rhodes in more trouble and the cowbell to the head gets two. A low blow gives Rhodes a breather and he knocks Funk into the ropes to keep up the beating. Rhodes pounds him down on the floor and they finally bother attaching the rope about four minutes into the match. A belly to back toss gives Rhodes two and the bulldog onto the cowbell gets the same.

Cue the Chicken to go after Rhodes, who beats the Chicken up, complete with clucking sound effects. Funk is back up with a low blow and of course he wants a microphone. He’s changing the rules and now it’s an I Quit match (the previous rules said you could only win by pinfall). The referee doesn’t like that so Funk hits him with the cowbell and demands that Rhodes quit. Rhodes finally quits, which doesn’t count, so he hits Funk in the head with the cowbell again. A piledriver onto the cowbell gives Rhodes the pin (which counts) at 9:01.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what to make of this, as it wasn’t a bullrope match for a good while, but then it was kind of an I Quit match and then Rhodes won by pinfall, as is usually the case. Oh and something about a chicken. Throw in the fact that we’re doing Rhodes vs. Funk (of any generation) in 2000 and acting like fans care is bizarre enough. Even in Florida.

Sid expects Jeff Jarrett to do something stupid and he’s ready to move on to bigger and better things. Was that insulting to Jarrett? I’m not sure.

We recap Sting vs. Lex Luger, which involves Luger breaking A LOT of arms (as in probably six or seven people, many of whom were wrestling in casts on this show). Now it’s time for Sting to get revenge.

Sting vs. Total Package

This is a lumberjack match, with the wrestlers Luger has injured standing around the ring. Oh yeah and it’s THE TOTAL PACKAGE now instead of Lex Luger, because that was the big change he needed. Before Sting comes out, Luger apologizes to the lumberjacks for breaking their arms. He has a backup plan though and brings out his own lumberjacks, who have their own unnecessary casts.

Luger jumps Sting to start and the fight is on, with Sting knocking him outside. Back in and Sting gets to stomp away and the jumping elbow gets two. Luger is sent outside and the lumberjacks (including Doug Dellinger) get to stomp away. Back in again and Sting is sent outside for a change, with Luger’s lumberjacks hammering on him. Cue Tank Abbott (no cast) to knock Dellinger out and leave, because Abbott is a weird guy.

All of the lumberjacks brawl to the back, leaving Luger to chinlock Sting, as Ric Flair and Elizabeth come out. Flair and Vampiro (who was apparently still there) brawl at ringside until Flair gets inside to chop Sting. This goes as it has gone for over ten years now but Luger ax handles Sting down.

Elizabeth hits Sting in the back with the baseball bat so here is Jimmy Hart, with a Hulk Hogan weightlifting belt, to chase her off. Luger loads up the Rack but Vampiro hits him with the bat (the referee looks at it happen and glares at Vampiro, allowing Sting to hit the “Stinger” Death Drop (as Schiavone can’t even get that right) for the pin at 7:01.

Rating: D-. I’m sure he was on a huge contract and all that, but who in the world thought it was a good idea to put Lex Luger in this prominent of a role in 2000? The guy hadn’t been interesting in a very long time at this point and while the arm breaking thing was something different, it was still only going to get him so far in yet another match with Sting. The fact that this was the third decade in which they had been working together in some fashion isn’t a great sign, and the results showed badly.

Tank Abbott says he took out Doug Dellinger because he can, and accuses Dellinger of taking his money.

We recap Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid for the World Title. Jarrett keeps getting title shots and has a history of cracking Sid with a guitar. End of build.

The limo door is opened but we don’t see who is in it.

The format has been changed, as this match was scheduled to go on last. Sid’s response? “Oh let’s go.” And he heads to the ring.

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett

Sid is defending and Jarrett’s US Title isn’t on the line. Before Sid shows up, Jarrett goes on a rant about how he’s tired of getting ripped off so he has something up his sleeve. He also promises that the NWO girls will show some skin if he wins the title. Sid drops him with a clothesline to start and then pounds him into the corner for the right hands. The chokeslam is broken up with a rake to the eyes so Sid takes him outside for a slam onto the announcers’ table. The beating goes into the crowd before Sid chokes against the barricade.

Cue the Harris Brothers to jump Sid, even going inside to stay on him, as Jarrett argues with the referee in the aisle. Back in and Jarrett pounds him down, followed by the sleeper. That’s broken up so the Harris Twins offer a distraction, only for Sid to send Jarrett into the belt (as held by Don) for two. The chokeslam is broken up with a low blow and the referee gets decked (because that matters in this match). The guitar to the head knocks Sid silly and Jarrett calls in….crooked referee Slick Johnson. Hulk Hogan follows him out and cleans house, including dropping the leg on Jarrett so Sid can get the pin to retain.

Rating: D. So not only did they have a terribly dull match, but somehow, HULK HOGAN is needed to beat Jeff Jarrett. Hogan drops the leg and puts Sid on top for the pin. This is getting into 1995/6 territory of Hogan having to be there to save everyone and that’s one of the last things you want to see happen. Sid was even fine as champion, but it doesn’t matter when you’re having Hogan wedged into the top spot over him.

Post match here is Scott Steiner (apparently the person in the limousine) with a guitar to Hogan’s back. The villains wreck Hogan but Sid is up for the save. Cue Ric Flair and it’s time for the strap match.

Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Strap match, four corners variety. Flair whips and stomps away to start as Jimmy Hart (with his eyes bugging out) comes to the ring to play cheerleader. It seems to work as Hogan fights up and hammers away but Flair manages a cheap shot back inside. Some choking with the strap has Hogan in more trouble but he’s back up to whip away with the weightlifting belt.

The beating continues on the floor before Hogan rains down the right hands in the corner. A bite to the head busts Flair open and Hogan keeps hammering at the cut. Flair manages to go up and gets slammed down, with Hogan sending him outside for a clothesline. Hart gets in some whips as the squashing continues. Cue Lex Luger to chair Hogan down and leave, allowing Flair to whip Hogan back to ringside. A low blow drops Hogan again and Flair unhooks himself for the sake of chasing Hart.

They hook up again with Hart getting in as well, only to get taken down. Flair goes after the knee and drags Hogan to two corners and then a third before using a foreign object to knock Hogan silly. That’s enough to break the chain so the corners are broken…and Flair covers Hogan for two. That triggers the Hulk Up and Hogan knocks him silly to get three buckles but Luger is back. Hogan boots him down and drops a leg to pin Flair at 14:26 (the referee is fine with this).

Rating: D-. There’s a clip from Family Feud where the question is asked “Do you understand the concept of this game?”. That’s what I’d want to ask here, as it seems like they just kind of changed the rules halfway through. That’s dumb enough on its own, but they tried to do the same thing in the other match involving two people being tied together (because they did that same gimmick twice in about an hour). Hogan gets to slaughter Flair again though, because that’s what he did most of the time, and if that involves changing the rules as they go, so be it. Horrible main event, which shouldn’t be a surprise whatsoever.

Hogan touches the fourth buckle to really rub it in. Posing ends the show. Wait: why was it a big deal that they changed the order of the last two matches? That was treated as some kind of a big plot point and it didn’t seem to matter at all.

Overall Rating: R. For Reset, which is what this company did three weeks later. On April 10, WCW decided to tap out and completely relaunch everything, because the place that the shows were at, spearheaded by this one, was so bad that they didn’t think there was a way out. Think about that for a second. This show was so bad and put the company in such a place that WCW just blew up its continuity and started over. It might not seem possible to get that low, but WCW decided that was the best course of action.

And really, can you blame them? The matches ranged from passable at best to WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, with rules literally being changed in the middle of matches and the same pairings we’ve seen for years now being trotted out again and again. The end result of the main event was Hogan pinning Flair to win a match where you have to touch all four corners. This was meant to be celebrated due to reasons beyond my comprehension.

That’s on top of the Harris Twins as the Tag Team Champions, XS, Psychosis and David Flair getting pay per view time, plus a group named Team Package and a fight over the letter T. This show was an all time disaster and I can’t blame them for just giving up. Hogan is doing some of his worst stuff here and unfortunately he’s not alone. I have no idea what good came out of this show, and apparently neither did WCW.

 

 

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