GCW vs. TJPW
Date: April 6, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

We have Game Changer Wrestling vs. Tokyo Joshi Pro-Wrestling, meaning it’s a women’s show. It’s another promotional war show, though this one seems to be a bit less intense than the others. I’ve liked the stuff I’ve seen from TJPW over the years, including this weekend, so hopefully they can continue their streak. Let’s get to it.

Suzume vs. Pom Harajaku vs. Saki

Suzume and Pom are from TJPW while Saki is a freelancer, making this more of an exhibition rather than an interpromotional match. Saki gets taken down with a double wristlock to start but she rolls her way to freedom and it’s a standoff. With Pom sent outside, Suzume grabs a headlock on Saki before scoring with a dropkick. Saki swings Suzume down, allowing Pom to come back in and steal a two count.

The much bigger Saki sends Pom back to the floor, only for Pom to come back in and kick her in the shin. Suzume grabs a bulldog to put Saki down before sidestepping Pom’s missile dropkick. Saki kicks Pom in the face but gets rolled up for two. A rope walk spinning faceplant drops Saki again but she’s back up with a Michinoku Driver for two on Suzume. Saki is sent outside though and Suzume cutters Pom for the pin at 7:56.

Rating: C+. The action was fast paced but it was only so interesting, with Suzume dominating a good chunk of the match as the other two were just kind of there. It made sense for the speedy opener, though having a match that has nothing to do with the concept was a bit odd. Saki worked as a power star, but this didn’t break through to that next level.

Session Moth Martina (GCW) vs. Raku (TJPW)

Martina has Every Time We Touch as her entrance music and yes the fans do go rather nuts for it. Raku on the other hand comes to the ring with a pillow. We pause for Martina to get in a fight with the streamers before she can offer Raku a beer. Raku would rather have a nap, so Martina pours beer in her mouth, which I think has Raku drunk (low tolerance and all that). That leaves Raku to beat on Martina with the pillow, which Martina is laid down on for a breather.

Raku steps onto her stomach a few times and then sits on her for a near fall. Back up and Martina sends her into the corner for the Bronco Buster. She loads up another one, but Raku has stopped for a nap. That means Martina has to slowly pull her back to the middle but Raku wakes up at two. Raku strikes away and gets two off a running dropkick. Code Red gets two more, only to have Martina come back with a spear for two of her own. Raku fights up but charges into a Codebreaker to give Martina the pin at 5:49.

Rating: C. This is one of those situations where the whole thing is going to depend on your tastes in comedy. Martina is a ball of energy and a lot of fun, but Raku with the sleeping thing….yeah I don’t get it. I’m not big on that style with Wendy Choo in NXT and it’s the same thing here, as I don’t see the humor. The wrestling was a backdrop to the comedy and that mainly didn’t land for me, so this wasn’t much to see.

GCW – 1
TJPW – 0

Arisu Endo (TJPW) vs. Shazza McKenzie (GCW)

They fight over arm control to start with McKenzie getting the better of things. That’s reversed into a headlock, which McKenzie reverses into a headscissors and we get a standoff. Endo sends her into the corner but McKenzie is back with a running boot for two. McKenzie grabs a chinlock before hitting running legdrop to a seated Endo for two more. Endo is back up with a running hip attack into a splash for two of her own.

The camel clutch goes on but McKenzie crawls over to the ropes rather quickly. McKenzie ties her in the ropes for some kicks to the chest but a super Stunner is blocked. Endo hits a middle rope knee to drive her to the mat, setting up a torture rack neckbreaker for the pin on McKenzie at 7:32.

Rating: C+. McKenzie is someone I’ve seen a good many times over the years and I’m not sure why she has never gotten a chance on a bigger stage. She comes off as a polished enough star but it never comes together. Endo is rather good at what she does as well and it was a nice match between two women who know what they’re doing.

GCW – 1
TJPW – 1

Steph de Lander (GCW) vs. Hyper Misao (TJPW)

Misao, a superhero, promises to save us all. De Lander, in American flag gear, jumps her to start but Misao blinds her with some kind of spray. We get some early skewer use, with Misao stabbing her in the head. De Lander is back with some skewers of her own but Misao, with skewers still in her head, misses a quick 619 attempt. Some chair shots stagger de Lander, who manages to take the chair away. The big swing hits rope though, with the chair smashing de Lander in her own face.

Misao throws in a bunch of chairs and plants de Lander onto them for two. A spinebuster onto the chairs gives de Lander two and it’s time to bring out….a box full of tubes of (de Lander’s) lipstick. De Lander gets knocked off the top and high crossbodied into them for two. Back up and de Lander grabs a sitout F5 onto the lipstick and her Women’s Internet Title for the pin at 8:13.

Rating: C. So much like the Raku vs. Martina match, this was a short form version of a special kind of match, though in this case it was the hardcore variety instead of comedy. While it makes sense to mix things up a bit, it’s a bit hard to get into a violent match like this that only lasts eight minutes and is coming in cold. It wasn’t bad, but it was like they were trying to get in a bunch of stuff in a short amount of time and it didn’t exactly work.

GCW – 2
TJPW – 1

Yuki Kamifuku (TJPW) vs. Dark Sheik (GCW)

Sheik does the splits to start but Yuki isn’t willing to try her own. Instead she takes Sheik down with a headscissors before sending her outside. Yuki’s big dive is teased but she rolls into a pose instead. Back in and Sheik grabs a backbreaker into a splits splash for two, followed by a nice slingshot legdrop. Yuki slugs away but gets kicked in the head for her efforts.

Sheik has to break out of a quick Octopus hold and then pulls Yuki into the old rocking horse hold (the fans don’t approve). A legsweep into a spinning kick to the head gives Sheik two but Yuki catches her with a running dropkick on the top. Sheik counters the Fameasser and grabs a bridging German suplex. A guillotine legdrop finishes Yuki off at 7:44.

Rating: B-. Best match of the night so far as again they didn’t have much time but they packed in a bunch of stuff. Sheik dominated most of the match and then won in the end, as she should have. Good stuff here, with both of them doing well in the limited time that they had to put something together.

GCW – 3
TJPW – 1

Mizuki (TJPW) vs. Allie Katch (GCW)

The wrong graphic/music is put up and the fans are not impressed. The much smaller Mizuki is backed into the corner but she does the same thing to Katch. Mizuki blows a kiss, which Katch does not seem to care for, meaning it’s time to fight over wrist control. Mizuki’s suplex attempt gets little more than a shrug from Katch, who kicks her in the face for her efforts. Katch’s suplex works a bit better and a corner Cannonball gets two.

A chinlock into a slam gives Katch two but Mizuki is back up with a double stomp to the back. The running dropkick against the ropes sends Katch outside and Mizuki is right there with the dive off the top. Back in and a Michinoku Driver gives Katch two but Mizuki bites her thigh. She bites her stomach as well, setting up a top rope double stomp for two. Katch misses another Cannonball, allowing Mizuki to grab a northern lights suplex for the pin at 7:38.

Rating: C+. Another match where they didn’t have much time but they were playing into the small vs. big formula. Mizuki isn’t your usual smaller style wrestler though, with the biting being more than a little odd. It was also nice to see the ending come from something *other than a rollup, as Mizuki beat her clean with a suplex.

GCW – 3
TJPW – 2

Post match Mizuki goes for another bite but Katch bails out.

Hakuchumu (TJPW) vs. Billie Starkz/Janai Kai (GCW)

That would be Miu Watanabe and Rika Tatsumi. Starkz and Watanabe have a tentative handshake to start before Watanabe takes her down by the leg for an early two. A wristlock lasts a bit longer but Starkz grabs a rollup for two. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Kai vs. Tatsumi, with Kai snapmaring her down for a kick to the back. Tatsumi chokes her into the corner and Watanabe comes in for a dancing double elbow.

Since it’s just a double elbow, Kai is able to power Watanabe into the corner for the tag back to Starkz. Alternating kicks in the corner have Watanabe in more trouble but she suplexes her way to freedom. It’s back to Tatsumi to clean house with some running hip attacks in the corner. A dragon screw legwhip over the rope has Starkz in more trouble but she’s fine enough to hit a spinning kick to Tatsumi’s head.

Tatsumi backbreakers Kai and it’s back to Watanabe to pick the pace back up. Watanabe hits a backbreaker of her own and there’s the very giant swing for two on Kai. Watanabe slips out of Kai’s dragon sleeper and hits a powerslam for two, with Starkz making the save. With Starkz down, Kai gets loaded up into something like a spinning Big Ending/cutter combination for the pin at 13:29.

Rating: B. This got some more time and you can see that Hakuchumu is a regular team who has some experience together. They worked well together out there, with Starkz and Kai not quite being able to keep up. It’s also nice to have something that feels different on here after a long string of singles matches.

GCW – 3
TJPW – 3

Maki Itoh/Masha Slamovich/Rina Yamashita (GCW) vs. Miyu Yamashita/Shoko Nakajima/Yuki Aino (TJPW)

The GCW team’s entrance goes through the crowd and the fans rather approve. Miyu and Itoh start things off, with Itoh flipping her off. A big kick misses and we have a standoff, meaning it’s off to Nakajima vs. Rina. Nakajima stomps on her foot but needs Miyu and Aino to lift her up to get the height advantage over the taller Rina. That’s fine with Rina, who has Itoh and Slamovich pick her up….or at least try to, as they can’t get her up.

Rina and Slamovich can get Itoh up though and we get an elevated slugout, with Itoh getting the better of things. Everything breaks down and the fight heads out to the floor, with the GCW team getting back in to dance. We settle down to Rina hitting Aino in the chest before Itoh gets to hammer away in the corner. Aino manages a suplex to Rina and Nakajima comes back in to pick up the pace.

Hold on though as Nakajima brings in her bag full of kaiju toys, allowing Rina to slam her onto them. They take turns hitting each other with said kaiju with Rina getting the better of things. She heads up top but takes too long, allowing Nakajima to hurricanrana her back down onto the kaiju. Everything breaks down and it’s Miyu slugging it out with Slamovich. Miyu gets pulled into a seated abdominal stretch and has to knee her way to freedom. Back up and they trade running shots to the face until Miyu runs up the corner for a spinning kick to the head.

An exchange of kicks to the head leave both of them down and it’s Aino coming back in to run Itoh over with a shoulder. Itoh’s running DDT connects and everything breaks down, with Itoh knocking Aino down for two. Chairs and a door are brought in…but the door breaks as soon as Aino is placed on it. Another door is brought in and Itoh is slammed through Aino for two. Slamovich chairs Miyu down but all six are up for the big slugout. Nakajima hits a big dive to the floor and Itoh rolls Aino up for two. A Walls of Jericho style Texas Cloverleaf makes Aino tap at 21:05.

Rating: B-. The time helped here and commentary was putting over the idea of these wrestlers knowing each other rather well. It made the match feel more personal, but at the same time it wasn’t exactly great. The kaiju stuff in the middle felt like it belonged in a different match and was only happening because it was a signature Nakajima deal. It’s a perfectly fine main event, though not as good as the previous match.

GCW – 4
TJPW – 3

Overall Rating: B-. Good show here with a rather nice mixture of match types. The problem is a lot of those matches went rather quickly and didn’t get the chance to stand out. There was probably a series of much better matches to be had with more time, but there is only so much you can do with an eight match show that doesn’t even combine to go two hours.

 

 

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GCW vs. DDT
Date: March 31, 2023
Location: Ukranian Cultural Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

I think the title for this one says it all and that could go in a few different directions. I wasn’t thrilled with the DDT show from earlier in the week and GCW is hit or miss a lot of the time. Shows pitting two promotions against each other can be quite a mess but that’s part of the fun of seeing what they have. Let’s get to it.

Jack Cartwheel/Wasted Youth/Gringo Loco (GCW) vs. Daisuke Sasaki/Kanon/Sanshiro Takagi/Takeshi Masada (DDT)

Wasted Youth is Marcus Mathers/Dyln McKay and this is one fall to a finish. Takagi and Cartwheel start things off and Scott volunteers to be the official cartwheel counter. Cartwheel does a cartwheel and Takagi manages one of his own as I don’t think this is going to be overly serious. It’s already off to Sasaki vs. Mathers with Mathers sending him into the corner and snapmaring him back out.

With that going nowhere, McKay comes in to headlock Masada, who is right back out with a dropkick. McKay is fine enough to come back with a spinning brainbuster for two and everything breaks down. We settle back to Kanon fist dropping onto McKay and it’s back to Takagi to stay on McKay. Some rapid fire chops are enough to get over to Loco for the tag and everything breaks down fast.

Cartwheel hits a big flipping elbow over the top, setting up a big dive to the floor (with a Loco assist). Back in and Kanon chops away at Loco before Sasaki faceplants him down. Takagi is back in for a bunch of Stunners but McKay is there with an enziguri to Masada. Loco adds a moonsault, McKay hits a shooting star press, Mathers puts in a 450 and Cartwheel finishes with a Red Arrow for the pin at 10:39.

Rating: C+ This was a good way to start as you got a nice mixture of the two sides, with GCW getting to showcase themselves a bit. DDT didn’t stand out quite as much, but there is only so much you can do when most of you are in black and getting beaten up in the end. Fun match and they’re on the right path so far.

GCW – 1
DDT – 0

Saki Akai (DDT) vs. Dark Sheik (GCW)

Feeling out process to start as they circle each other until Sheik drops her with a shoulder. Back up and Akai hits a big boot but Sheik kicks her down even harder. A slingshot legdrop into a slingshot hilo keeps Akai down, followed by a splits splash for two. Akai manages to come back with a kick of her own and a high crossbody for two.

Sheik gets her leg swept out so a running knee can give Akai two. They slug it out, including boots to the head, with Akai getting the better of it and knocking her down. Akai grabs the abdominal stretch but Sheik reverses into a small package for the surprise pin to extend the lead at 7:19.

Rating: C. Nice match here as they felt even enough (maybe a slight advantage to Akai) as the good start to the show continues. I’ve seen Akai twice so far and she has done well in both matches, as there is a little something about her that makes you want to keep watching. On the other hand you have Sheik, who seems like she has something going for her and I could go for a few more matches.

GCW – 2
DDT – 0

East West Express (GCW) vs. Moonlight Express (DDT)

That would be Nick Wayne/Jordan Oliver vs. Mao/Mike Bailey. Wayne and Bailey start things off with a standoff so it’s off to Mao to shoulder Oliver (I had been waiting to see him this weekend). A dropkick puts Oliver down so Wayne comes in to help Oliver clear the ring. Naturally that means stereo dives but they try again and get punched out of the air by Bailey and Mao. Back in and Mao hits a springboard knee to keep Oliver in trouble, meaning it’s time to start in on the arm.

Mao rolls him into an abdominal stretch so Wayne makes the save, only to be knocked outside. Bailey moonsaults onto Wayne and Mao moonsaults onto Oliver for two, only to have Oliver blasts Bailey with a clothesline for two. The hot tag brings in Wayne to clean house until Mao drops him hard. Mao literally wiggles his way out of a waistlock but Wayne is back with a handspring Stunner.

It’s back to Oliver to take over on Bailey, including a running boot in the corner and sitout powerbomb for two. Wayne comes back in and gets caught with Bailey’s bouncing kicks. Oliver and Wayne are sent outside and stereo moonsaults from Mao and Bailey (from the same corner, with their arms around each other) drop them again. Wayne is busted open (it’s a bad one too) and it’s a double clothesline into a double hiptoss for two on Bailey.

Mao and Bailey are back with stereo backflip slams (Cameron Grimes does it in NXT) for two each. The Ultimate Weapon hits Oliver but Mao’s 450 hits knees. A tiger suplex gets two with Bailey shoving Wayne into the cover for the save. Wayne is kicked to the floor and the Tornado Driver (something like Aussie Open’s Coriolis) gets a rather close two. Oliver and Bailey trade rollups until a double team middle rope cutter plants Bailey for the pin at 16:20.

Rating: B+. This took its time to get going but I was way into it by the end and they had it rocking. I hadn’t seen these teams together before but you can tell they have the experience and skill to work well together. Heck of a match here and one of the better things I’ve seen so far this weekend.

GCW – 3
DDT – 0

Veda Scott swaps out with someone named Nick Knowledge.

Starboy Charlie (GCW) vs. Kazusada Higuchi (DDT)

The much bigger Higuchi takes him into the corner and gives Charlie a rub of the head before letting him go. Charlie tries to pick up the pace and goes for the leg, setting up a basement dropkick. Higuchi’s chop takes Charlie down and a running splash gets two. The neck crank goes on but doesn’t keep Charlie down long, leaving Higuchi to knock him down again.

A middle rope elbow hits Charlie for two, so he begs Higuchi not to chop him. That makes Higuchi chop him hard enough to put Charlie down but he’s back up with a Thesz press of all things. Charlie gets sat on top, where he manages to slip through Higuchi’s legs and hit a heck of a powerbomb. For some reason Charlie tries to chop it out, even nipping up when Higuchi knocks him down.

Charlie’s chest is blood red and Higuchi blasts him with a clothesline for two. A missed charge sends Higuchi into the post and out to the floor, allowing Charlie to get in a dropkick through the ropes. Back in and a middle rope corkscrew moonsault gets two, allowing Charlie to pull his straps up….and then right back down.

Higuchi has had it with this and grabs a doctor bomb for two, with the kickout just getting on Higuchi’s nerves. The claw slam is countered into a crossface and Charlie even rolls back into the middle. With the rope not working, Higuchi muscles him up for an Oklahoma Stampede. For some reason Charlie flips him off and gets flattened with a running shoulder. Now the claw slam can finish Charlie at 11:40.

Rating: B-. This wasn’t exactly a great match but it told a story and that made it work. You could see Higuchi go from toying with Charlie to having to put in the work to beat him, making this get more interesting as it went on. Charlie didn’t get in a ton of offense but what he did looked effective, which isn’t easy given the size difference. They pulled me in with this one and that isn’t easy to do so nice job.

GCW – 3
DDT – 1

Veda Scott comes back.

Joey Janela (GCW) vs. Yuki Ueno (DDT)

Ueno shoulders away to start but gets taken into the corner. Janela stomps on the fingers and starts in on the arm, including a hammerlock. Ueno fights out and sends him into the corner before tying him in the ropes. A running faceplant on the apron rock Janela, who is fine enough to come back with a Death Valley Driver for two. Janela sends him outside for the suicide dive, followed by the Fujiwara armbar on the bad arm back inside.

That’s broken up as well but Ueno misses a knee. A superkick just makes Ueno snap off a dropkick for two, only to have Janela hit the brainbuster. Janela goes up top but gets caught with a super hurricanrana. That and a flipping Fameasser (as in a Fameasser with the arm trapped and they flip forward until Janela lands on his face) for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C. Janela still isn’t the best in the ring but there is a weird charisma to him that makes him watchable. At the same time Ueno is someone who feels like he could be a star with some more experience and seasoning. It didn’t make for the best match, but Ueno’s offense was enough to keep it interesting.

GCW – 3
DDT – 2

Tony Deppen/Homicide (GCW) vs. Tetsuya Endo/Jun Akiyama (DDT)

Akiyama and Homicide look at each other a lot to start before it’s time to exchange wristlocks. It’s too early for Akiyama’s exploder so it’s off to Deppen vs. Endo. Deppen gets caught in a headlock and then gets shouldered to the mat. Deppen is back up for a nice looking dropkick and it’s back to Homicide for a running clothesline. Akiyama comes in and goes to the floor with Homicide instead.

The other two go to the floor as well and we have to go split screen for the double brawls. Homicide bends Akiyama’s fingers before heading back inside where Deppen can wrap the arm around the rope. Biting in the corner has Akiyama in more trouble but he comes back with a jumping knee. Endo comes back in to pick up the pace, including a springboard double clothesline.

Homicide manages a shot to take Endo down though and Deppen comes in off the top with a double stomp for two. Endo Boston crabs Deppen with Homicide grabbing a cutter for the save. That leaves Akiyama to come back in for the throws. With Deppen down, Endo adds the Burning (shooting) Star press for the pin at 12:20.

Rating: C+. Nice enough stuff here as you had a unique styles match here. Homicide can wrestle with just about anyone and Deppen has such a punchable face that it is easy to want to see him get beaten up. Akiyama and Endo both did well too, which shouldn’t be a surprise. I’m not with on a lot of Homicide’s stuff but it meshed well here.

GCW – 3
DDT – 3

Second Gear Crew (GCW) vs. Chris Brookes/Shunma Katsumata/Mizuki Watase (DDT)

The Crew is 1 Called Manders/Matthew Justice/Mance Warner and they get jumped from behind during their entrances. The fight starts on the floor and I’m not sure how much tagging you should expect here. Warner chairs Brookes but Brookes throws it at Warner’s already bleeding head. Back in and Manders takes off his boots to hammer away at some heads, only to run into some Legos (while wearing only socks).

Brookes breaks some kind of bin over Justice’s head and it’s Warner coming back in for a bunch of jabs to Brookes’ face. Warner grabs a ladder and does the helicopter spin until a low blow cuts him off. Katsumata puts the ladder around his own neck but gets picked up and speared down in a big crash. The DDT guys get back up and stack the bins together, setting up a top rope backsplash to drive Justice through the bins (they broke well) and into the Legos for two.

Everyone is back up for the strike offs with DDT taking over. Brookes grabs the staple gun and staples the Crew’s heads, only to have them all fight back. Katsumata gets stapled in a variety of places and now it’s time for the door. The PowerPlex through the door gets two so Manders manages to pick up both of his partners at once (geez). The charge misses though and Manders drives both of them through another door in the corner.

DDT all goes up for a triple Van Terminator and a triple near fall. The doors are set up again on the floor and Katsumata dives off a ladder to drive Justice through them. Back in and the Crew starts swinging doors to take over, followed by a chair to Watase’s head. Watase just screams a lot and sends Warner outside. Manders lariats Katsumata and Warner adds a DDT for the pin at 15:19.

Rating: C. This is the kind of hardcore match that you kind of expect from GCW but they didn’t get into the stupid/over the top stuff that gives the place its reputation. The Crew is a team that feels like they could be a constant in GCW as they work well together and have a good look. The DDT guys were fine, but I absolutely didn’t need to see one of them get chaired in the head like that. Cut that stuff out.

GCW – 4
DDT – 3

We run down some upcoming shows while the ring is cleaned up.

Pheromones (DDT) vs. Bussy (DDT)

That would be Danshoku Dino/Yuhi Ino vs. Effy/Allie Katch and I still have nightmares about that one Pheromones match. After a somewhat personal weapons check, we’re ready to go. Allie and Ino start things off but hang on as Ino needs to pose on the middle rope (Effy seems VERY interested). Allie finally kicks Ino in the gut after nearly two minutes of posing but he takes her down and exposes his nipples.

Effy comes in to face Dino and they lock it up, with Allie having to prevent a kiss. With that not working, Effy goes for a waistlock and Dino bends over. Everything breaks down and Effy is rather pleased with the idea of Ino unzipping his singlet. Dino slaps at Effy’s trunks, with Effy sitting on the buckle for easier access. That finally breaks up and a double atomic drop gets two on Ino.

Effy and Ino have a gyrate off until Ino starts to strip. That means only the jockstrap is left and Effy needs a minute. Dino takes his trunks off too and Effy is officially on their team. The Pheromones do their Merry Go Round deal (it involves rubbing various parts of their bodies over someone’s face) to Allie but Effy throws her aside to take her place. Then Effy takes his own trunks down and makes it a three person Merry Go Round.

Effy breaks up the cover so Allie gets caught in a Boston crab/headscissors, meaning her face goes between Ino’s legs. Effy finally throws some forearms and Allie kicks Ino low as this just keeps going. Allie takes down her own trunks and hits some cannonballs in the corner. A Stunner and Pedigree get stereo near falls because THIS JUST KEEPS GOING. Effy takes Ino into the corner for some hip thrusts to the face before putting him in another corner. A Human Centipede ensues, including various referees, which is finally a no contest at 13:38.

Rating: F. Nope.

GCW – 4
DDT – 3

A triple kiss ensues post match.

Ironman Heavymetalweight Title: Yoshihiko (DDT) vs. Cole Radrick (GCW)

Yoshihiko (still a blow up sex doll) is defending. Radrick shakes her hand to start and gets taken down with a headlock takeover. Another headlock takeover cuts Radrick down and an armdrag sends him to the floor. A big flip dive over the top is pulled out of the air though and Yoshihiko is launched into the wall. They go back to ringside where Yoshihiko hits a tornado DDT on the floor and gets two back inside.

Radrick’s powerbomb attempt is countered into a very spinning headscissors for two. A splash in the corner is broken up and Yoshihiko grabs a super hurricanrana to send Radrick outside. The big flip dive drops Radrick again but he’s fine enough to hit an Air Raid Crash into the corner. It’s time for a door because of course it is, plus a bunch of chairs (some of which land on Yoshihiko).

The door is sat on some tables but Radrick takes too much time to go up, allowing Yoshihiko to sit up. There’s the superplex through the table for two but Radrick is back with a running Death Valley Driver through a door in the corner. Yoshihiko’s piledriver gets two and she throws some chairs at his head. Back up and Radrick Death Valley Drivers her onto a chair for the pin at 14:36.

Rating: C. As was the case in the previous Yoshihiko match, this is a different kind of entertainment and the wrestling really isn’t there. This is all about the fans having a good time and I can give the human points for some creativity with some of this stuff. At the very least, it is something different that the fans like. I won’t argue with anyone who thinks it’s idiotic or a waste of time, but given the other stuff on this show, it was brilliant.

GCW – 5
DDT – 4

Post match they shake hands and Yoshihiko kicks him low. A small package gives her the title back.

Overall Rating: C. This is a tricky one because there is some good stuff on here, but the bad is just so awful that it’s hard to get my head around it. There is a special skill needed to do something that awful and stupid and they managed to pull both of them off here. Other than that and the main event (the ultimate your mileage may vary deal), the rest of the show was up and down, with the tag match being very good but some of the other stuff just being kind of there. I probably won’t be back to DDT anytime soon, but the GCW talent has some potential. Not a great show, but that’s mainly due to a few things rather than the whole.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 6 Night Two
Date: April 1, 2022
Location: Fair Park, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Kevin Gill

It’s the second half of the show and in this case, it needs to get a pretty big upgrade over the first half. Night one was a decent enough show, but it wasn’t memorable, which is the point of a show like this. Now that being being said, this show is built around the Clusterf*** Battle Royal, which could be quite the mess. Let’s get to it.

Here is Night One if you need a recap.

We open with Joey Janela talking about beating Sean Waltman last night and wanting his flowers. He wonders why the fans hate him now but Spring Break needs a lethal dose of poison to turn it back into what it is supposed to be. This year, he is entering the Clusterf*** so he can end it once and for all. Maybe just don’t run it then?

Matt Cardona vs. Chris Dickinson

Chelsea Green is here with Cardona, who is currently the king, meaning yes he does have a Macho King crown. Green gets in an ALL HAIL THE DEATHMATCH KING and the fans are all over Cardona again. Cardona insults GCW and says they are the power couple of wrestling. Six years ago, he won the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania, but now he’s in this piece of garbage ring. If he was in WWE, like he should be, he would be celebrating his friend Mark Calaway, who he will see in the Hall of Fame one day.

Dickinson comes out with….MISSY HYATT to even things out, which is one of those names that makes this show feel fun. Both pairs share good luck kisses before the match, with Hyatt’s leaving Dickinson woozy. Dickinson wrestles him to the mat to start but Cardona is up to yell at Hyatt. That doesn’t work well for Dickinson, who grabs a cross armbreaker to send Cardona bailing to the floor.

Back in and Green grabs Dickinson’s foot for a distraction so Cardona can stomp away. After throwing his shirt at Hyatt, Cardona chokes with the wrist tape and then his hand for a bonus. The running forearm drops Dickinson again and a neckbreaker gives Cardona two. It’s already door time but Cardona spends too much time mocking the crowd, allowing Dickinson to backdrop him through the door in the corner.

The slugout is on with Cardona going to the eyes, only to get blasted with a running clothesline. The brainbuster gives Dickinson two but Green offers a distraction, allowing Cardona to nail a spear for two. Missy finally grabs Cardona’s boot and slaps Green, allowing Dickinson to hit a Death Valley Driver for two of his own.

Green offers another distraction so Cardona can hit a low blow into the Rough Ryder for two. Now it’s Green coming in and hitting Cardona with Missy’s loaded purse by mistake, allowing Dickinson to clothesline her down. The toss Razor’s Edge is enough for Dickinson to pin both of them at once at 12:43.

Rating: C+. You really can see why the GCW fans can’t stand Cardona in this run as he is one of the most annoying and obnoxious heels you could want to see. He is playing up the idea of being a big shot and that is one of the best ways to get heat from anyone. Dickinson is a decent power guy and looked good here, though Missy kind of disappeared for large chunks of the match.

Biff Busick vs. Tony Deppen

Feeling out process to start with Deppen trying to go to the mat to little success. Back up and Busick goes to the armbar, which has Deppen bailing to the ropes. Busick chops the heck out of Deppen, whose chops back have no effect. They head outside with Busick uppercutting away but a chop only hits the post. With Busick trying to shake it off, Deppen hits a flip dive off the apron and they head back inside.

Busick is fine enough to knee him down and the figure four necklock sends Deppen to the ropes again. Back up and Busick gets a little more violent by holding Deppen in place for some slaps to the face. Deppen is smart enough to go after Busick’s bad hand but Busick hits a running uppercut to take him down again.

Busick misses a charge though and Deppen hits a suicide flip dive for two back inside. Back up and the slugout goes to Busick until Deppen goes for the hand and grabs a Kimura of all things. With that broken up, Busick wins another strike off but Deppen avoids a charge in the corner. A running knee finishes Busick at 11:40.

Rating: B-. Sometimes you need two people to hit each other really hard and you got at least half of that here with Busick’s beating. Busick might not be a star in the making, but he’s an established hard hitter in the middle of the card and that should be enough to get him quite a few jobs. At the same time, you have Deppen as one of the better heels I’ve seen in a bit, as he is just straight up unlikable. Keep going with that and he’ll be fine.

Post match Deppen thanks Busick for the match but tells anyone who doesn’t believe in him what they can kiss.

Mike Bailey vs. Jordan Oliver

Bailey does his bow and they shake hands to start. Oliver does his pose so Bailey kicks him in the face and strikes away but Oliver is back up with chops of his own. Bailey’s leapfrog is countered into a faceplant and Oliver sends him outside for a big dive. Some kicks send Oliver through some chairs though and Bailey knees him in the chest.

Back in and Bailey kicks him in the chest for two, followed by the YES Kicks to make it worse. Bailey hits a running kick to the face in the corner and they strike it out again. Oliver snaps off a release German suplex and a sitout powerbomb for two but Bailey sends him outside. There’s the springboard moonsault to the floor and they strike it out on the apron.

Bailey gets the better of things and hits the moonsault knees, setting up the bouncing kicks back inside. The big kick to the head looks to set up the Ultimate Weapon but Oliver counters it with a cutter. A handspring cutter gets two so Oliver goes up, only to get pulled down with something like a One Winged Angel for the pin at 10:01.

Rating: C+. As is usually the case with Bailey, the action was good but he continues to have such a punchable face that it is hard to get into his matches. The good thing here was he didn’t have the stupid no selling that drags down every good thing he does, making this slightly easier to watch than most of his matches. Oliver has come a long way but still has a good bit to go before he moves up to the next level.

Effy says he shouldn’t be here but tonight he’ll beat Minoru Suzuki, have his own show tomorrow, and then maybe he’ll come for some gold.

Effy vs. Minoru Suzuki

Allie Katch is here with Effy. They both stick their jaws out with offers of a free shot but Effy’s attempt at a kiss gets him slapped. Suzuki slaps him down and then a kick to the face puts Effy on the floor. They head outside with Effy telling him to chop as hard as he can. That’s fine with Suzuki, who mocks Effy’s return chops.

A big boot sends Effy through the chairs and Suzuki cranks on the arm back inside. Effy tries some forearms but gets dropped with a single one from Suzuki. Then Effy bites Suzuki’s nipple and northern lights suplexes him for two. The big kiss staggers Suzuki but it’s a slap to the face and the Gotch style piledriver to give Suzuki the pin at 9:04.

Rating: C. Effy’s stuff may or may not be your cup of tea but Suzuki more or less squashed him here in a match with little to no doubt about the outcome. Effy was doing little more than comedy here so it isn’t like there was much to get annoyed about. They were going for the “wouldn’t it be funny if these two wrestled” idea here and I’ve seen worse versions.

Greatest Clusterf***

So this is basically a Royal Rumble, but only in the very loosest of terms. There are no set time intervals and I don’t believe there is a set number of entrants. I’m not going to be able to keep track of all of the eliminations, as I’ve never seen a version of this where they are all announced. This is going to be about total chaos and some surprise entrants and nothing more. You can be eliminated by pinfall, submission, over the top, leaving the building and…death?

Joey Janela is in at #1 and Buff Bagwell is in at #2 for your first surprise. Granted Buff is on a crutch but he has the American Males theme so this could be a lot worse. Janela wants to strut with him but it’s a superkick to get rid of Buff very quickly. George Gatton, with an unidentified title, is in at #3 and it’s a superkick into a piledriver to get rid of him too. Judas Judd Cassidy (I think?) is in at #4 and gets thrown over the top just as fast.

Yoya is in at #5 and suplexes Janela but gets caught in a heck of a package piledriver for the pin. Billie Starkz is in at #6 and a Gory Bomb takes Janela down but he raises knees to block her Swanton. That’s it for Starkz and it’s Juicy Finau (a big guy) in at #7. Janela can’t suplex him so Finau does it to Janela instead and it’s the even larger Sam Stackhouse, in Bam Bam Bigelow inspired gear, in at #8.

That leaves Janela to get crushed in the corner by back to back splashes but Stackhouse misses an ugly moonsault. Janela tosses both of them and it’s Rhett Titus in at #9 as Janela keeps up his Brock Lesnar-esque run. Titus wrestles him down and hits the running boot in the corner until it’s the Invisible Man in at #10.

So we have the Invisible Man, Janela and Titus with Titus and the Man slugging it out. The Man gets the better of both of them but an elbow to the face lets Janela and Titus beat him down. A double suplex lets the two of them pose but Man is back with a double low blow. The Man throws out Titus but gets stomped down until Dante Leon is in at #11. They waste no time in the next entrant with Ninja Mack in at #12.

Leon and Mack are long time rivals so they pose at each other before superkicking Janela down. A shooting star piledriver drops Mack and it’s a sick looking Jimmy Lloyd in at #13. Janela and Lloyd put on masks and they rehash their Social Distancing match, meaning they punch from a safe distance. Mack isn’t having that and kicks Lloyd down, setting up the running flip dive to drop Janela on the floor. Back in and Lloyd runs Mack over for the pin and Early Morning Guy Steele is in at #14.

Steele doesn’t seem to know what he is doing and falls off the top as Janela and Lloyd watch from the middle of the ring. Then Steele gives them a running double Blockbuster and a Canadian Destroyer each. Then he goes up top for a 450 to Lloyd, only to get rolled up for the pin from Janela. That was a weird one and it’s Blake Christian in at #15. House is cleaned but the Invisible Man hits Christian low. That earns him a dropkick and it’s Kevin Blackwood in at #16.

Blackwood’s suplex gets two on Leon and stomps on Janela in the corner until Hoodfoot is in at #17. Hoodfoot and Blackwood slug it out until Slade is in at #18. Young Dumb And Broke (Charlie Tiger and Ellis Taylor) are in at #19 and #20, giving us Janela, Invisible Man, Leon, Lloyd, Christian, Blackwood, Hoodfoot, Slade, Tiger and Taylor as this is far more organized than I was expecting. Everyone hits everyone until Deranged is in at #21 to clean house. With that going nowhere, Grim Reefer is in at #22 and has a smoke.

We now pause for everyone to partake, including Janela, who says he isn’t with AEW anymore and can do what he wants. Janela runs to the back (I don’t think he’s been eliminated but who can tell around here?) and Sandra Moone is in at #23. Reefer clotheslines her down and it’s Parrow in at #24. House is cleaned with Deranged and Reefer being eliminated almost immediately.

Big F’N Vin is in at #25 as Janela is having some Cheetos. Vin kicks Parrow out without much trouble as Janela wants to know his next spot. Nate Webb is in at #26 and comes through the crowd, who sings his theme music. Lloyd gets dropped by the Invisible Man, who hammers on Webb in the corner. Janela superkicks the Invisible Man though and tosses him out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Webb misses a charge and gets low bridged to the floor and Hoodfoot is tossed as well.

Shazza McKenzie is in at #27 and goes after Janela to start the beating. Janela gets in a shot to the face though and grabs a door, only to have McKenzie spear him through it. Janai Kai is in at #28 and Jazzy Yang (Jimmy Wang’s daughter) follows her at #29. The four women in the match stare each other down and it’s Edith Surreal in at #30. That gives us Janela, Leon, Lloyd, Christian, Blackwood, Tiger, Ellis, Moone, Vin, McKenzie, Kai, Yang and Surreal, assuming I didn’t miss any random eliminations.

Dark Sheik, another woman, is in at #31 and we have a six woman showdown. Uh make that seven as LuFisto is in at #32. Some of the guys come in to go after the women, with Leon and Taylor being tossed out. The women all beat up Tiger and toss him out with Vin joining him. Then the women get into it, with Kai kicking out LuFisto. Moone is out as well and McKenzie hits a Stunner on Kai for the elimination. Janela comes back in to superkick McKenzie for the pin and it’s Maven of all people in at #33.

Everyone stops to look at him so Maven hits a bunch of dropkicks….and then walks out for an elimination. Fans: “THANK YOU MAVEN!” With everyone else pairing off, Sean Ross Sapp, yes the dirt sheet writer, is in at #34, drawing a WE WANT MELTZER chant. Sapp gets a mic and begs people to subscribe to Fightful Select so they can read about GCW wrestlers getting fired by AEW. Josh Barnett, former UFC Heavyweight Champion, is in at #35 but fellow writer Denise Salcedo (not in the match) comes in to low blow Sapp and toss him out.

Nasty Leroy is in at #36 and Barnett blasts him with a clothesline as Jimmy Wang Yang is in at #37. Yang manages to take him down (not the prettiest but it worked) so Jazzy (remember, Yang’s daughter) comes in to grab the leg, which apparently counts as a submission to get rid of Barnett. Jazzy rolls up Lloyd for an elimination and it’s Alec Price in at #38. Price tosses Yang and dances a bit before getting kicked in the face by Jazzy. That’s enough for Price to toss her as well and it’s Cole Radrick in at #39.

Radrick and Price wind up on the apron and it’s a double elimination. Brandon Kirk is in at #40, giving us Janela, Christian, Blackwood, Slade, Surreal, Sheik, Leroy and Kirk (I think at least). Sheik hits Kirk low as we’re told Slade has left the building. Janela runs the ropes a lot until Lord Adrean (a Wal-Mart Guy) is in at #41. Adrean cleans house and Tombstones Kirk for the elimination, only to get Death Valley Drivered by Janela for another elimination. Kevin Matthews (you might remember him as KM in Impact) is in at #42 and stares it down with Leroy.

A not great looking Rock Bottom plants Matthews and a worse Rock Bottom sets up a leglock for the tap as Janela busts a gut laughing. Then Janela hits Leroy low and pins him and it’s Nick Wayne in at #43 for a brawl on the apron with Janela. Wayne superkicks Janela out for one heck of a pop and here is B-Boy to introduce Team LA Fights, which are six unnamed people. The team (Jai Vidal and Jack Cartwheel are two of them) clean house and something like a Styles Clash into a sitout powerbomb gets rid of Blackwood.

With those six in at #44-49, the Second City Crew (AJ Gray/Mance Warner/Matthew Justice/1 Called Manders and Levi Everett) are in #50-#54. The Crew cleans house with Matt Vandagriff (of LA Fights) being tossed. Damian Drake and Ju Dizz (I think) are both out with Hunter Freeman joining them. Cartwheel gets knocked out but walks on his hands until Manders chairs him down for the elimination. Vidal is tossed out and the Crew is left alone until the others still in the match come in.

Christian and Wayne get together to toss Everett and Manders. Somehow Christian and Wayne are the last two with Christian hitting a quick Downward Spiral for the pin…and never mind as yeah there are some people still left. Sheik comes in off the top with a spinwheel kick and the rest of the Crew pile onto her for the pin. Christian goes after the Crew but gets taken down and superplexed into a top rope legdrop for the pin….and that’s it at 1:23:57 (I guess Surreal was tossed somewhere in there).

Rating: C+. To be clear, this match is not about something coherent or anything more than having one name after another. That being said, this was WAY more coherent than the previous edition and that helped a lot. This felt more like a very indy Royal Rumble and, save for Surreal, no one was getting lost in the whole thing. I had a good time with this and it did fly by with some fun moments. It’s the kind of match that I was expecting from a Spring Break and it went well, especially with all of the insanity that came with it.

Overall Rating: B-. This was more like the Spring Breaks of the past and it worked out pretty well all things considered. It was a collection of some fun matches before we got to the big main event and that wound up working well. Good stuff here and it didn’t feel like a regular GCW show. While those can be fun, it’s not what I came into this wanting. The main event is all that mattered here and the other four matches were a nice bonus so we’ll call this a success.

 

 

 

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FTF X
Date: October 4, 2019
Location: Oakland Metro Operahouse, Oakland, California
Commentator: Joe Brody

This is from Hoodslam, and to give you an idea of what is going on here, one of the company’s mottos is “don’t bring your f****** kids”. In this case, the FTF stands for F*** THE FANS and this card features Drugz Bunny and the Stoner Brothers (Rick and Scott). I have no idea what I’m getting myself into here so let’s get to it.

Note that I have never seen anything from this promotion before so I have no idea on storylines or characters.

A masked man in black and white tells us about an upcoming show in Sacramento.

The opening video talks about reality and features people smoking, uh, something illegal in various states, and lifting weights. This however, I believe meaning the show, is real.

The house band wants us to be censored excited. Music is played.

Here is our host, Broseph Joe Brody, who loves Axe body spray and Nickelback. You might remember him as AJ Kirsch from one of the last seasons of Tough Enough but he’s a bit better suited here. Middle fingers and F*** YOU BROs ensue as the fans either love the guy or want to kill him. He welcomes us to F*** THE FANS, which is what the fans start chanting. After running down the main event, he introduces the band (Squad Stewart), which has to be cut off from singing Rod Stewart. This is the accidental phenomenon, because this is HOODSLAM!

Broseph gives the fans some booze as the band plays some more, this time about how you shouldn’t bring your f****** kids.

Our first match is a drowning match so here is Otto Von Clutch as our special lifeguard.

Stoner Brothers vs. The Caution

That would be Rick Scott/Scott Rick (I said that right) Stoner (I think you get the idea) vs. Anton Vorhees/Dark Sheik. The Brothers come out to a song called Stonerized and are both smoking in and out of the ring. Since the referee is a lifeguard, we’ll start with a whistle instead of a bell. The Caution is knocked down to start and Vorhees is tossed into a powerbomb. They head outside to keep up the beating but it’s too early for the drowning (in one of the water filled buckets).

Anton gets some water in his mouth to spit in the Brothers’ eyes (Brody: “Do you know how badly water in the eyes burns? Shut up.”) and uses Scott as a launchpad for a hurricanrana to Rick. The drowning attempt is blocked but so is Rick’s double chokeslam attempt. Scott gets his brother’s head out of the water, allowing Rick to toss Sheik back into the ring but she sticks the landing and kicks Rick in the head.

Sheik gets powerbombed over the top into a German suplex as Brody insists on safety third. Back up and Sheik hits a top rope stomp onto Scott, setting up a Codebreaker to Rick. Multiple elbow drops keep the Brothers down but Scott is up with a double clothesline to the back of the head. Anton fights out of the water bucket and the Brothers hit each other by mistake.

Hold on though as he has an idea: a trip to the back lets him come back with a blue tunic and Link hat, which lets him breathe underwater (if you’re not a Zelda fan, ignore this). After the Zora splash, Anton has to save Sheik from being drowned, allowing her to hit a low blow. Scott is drowned for the win at 11:12.

Rating: C+. The stoner stuff isn’t for me, but the Zelda references had me cracking up more than once. If nothing else, this gives me an idea of what to expect from the show and I’m looking forward to it a lot more, so well done on the opener. The blue tunic was the icing on the cake and I had a great time with this, as ridiculous as it was.

Post match, Rick gives Scott the Heimlich to bring him back to life, with even Brody not being sure about that.

Brody gives the fans the code word in case the cops show up.

Best Athlete In The East Bay Title: Sweet Boone vs. Matt Carlos

Boone is defending (the golden fanny pack) and this is an I Quit match. Brody doesn’t seem to get Carlos, who waves his arms and head around a lot. On the other hand, he does get Boone dog Little BJ, who happens to be invisible. Boone is also the sheriff so he deputizes some fans. Carlos drives him into the ropes to start but gets hit in the face for his efforts.

Thankfully the referee remembers that grabbing the rope means nothing, with Brody talking about how there are no pinfalls or countouts, before realizing that they never have countouts around here. Boone pulls him down into a pretty bad looking ankle lock, which is countered into a headlock with some right hands to the face. A crucifix doesn’t get Boone anywhere so he switches to something like a reverse Koji Clutch. Boone switches to a half nelson, which is pretty easily reversed into a Crossface.

Boone says Booners Never Quit so he slips out and grabs the bad (I think we might have an intentional pattern here) ankle lock again. Back up and they go to the apron, with the fans shoving Boone back up from falling into the crowd. Boone switches places with him and dropkicks Carlos tot he floor, where there is no catch. A flip dive from the apron (complete with finger guns) drops Carlos again (Brody: “And f*** the fans, not of them can’t see.”). Carlos is back up with a DDT onto the apron and steps on Boone’s head for another NO.

Brody laughs at a fan for trying a CARLOS chant as Carlos goes to get something. This time it’s lighter fluid but Boone takes it away….and pours it on himself. Carlos is a bit freaked out but gets more annoyed when the referee gets knocked down. With Boone knocked down again, Carlos heads backstage and comes back with….a knife. They fight over said knife, but it eventually gets knocked to the floor.

The referee is FINALLY helped up and here is a former champion (Richard Schhhary. Get it?), whose arm is bandaged (after Little BJ bit him). Therefore, Schhhary steals Little BJ and puts him in a bag, which he then covers in lighter fluid. Brody: “YOU CAN’T! YOU WON’T! YOU WOULDN’T!” Boone begs him not to do it but since he can’t go through the ropes for the save, Carlos grabs a Crossface and Boone quits at 18:48 so he can save the dog.

Rating: C. This went WAY too long and it killed what momentum they had. You knew the dog was going to be involved in the finish in some way and they telegraphed the heck out of it. Granted on a show like this, teasing the invisible dog being lit on fire is something that fits perfectly. Boone and Carlos didn’t do much for me and the match needed to be shorter, but it could have been worse.

Schhhary steals the dog anyway and Carlos celebrates for a LONG time. Boone isn’t done though, and wants Schhhary in a beard vs. mustache match in two weeks.

Golden Gig Title: El Chupacabra vs. Joey Nuggs

Chupacabra is defending (with the title represented by a golden razor blade necklace), I believe the top title in the promotion. The referee, named Wiggles, gets a special entrance as well. Nuggs is a rather large karate guy, who doesn’t look like he does much karate. Chupacabra has a long entrance but hold on as here is Da Squaaad (that’s how it’s spelled).

They want to make this a bit bigger, so let’s make it a Dog Collar match. After a long time spent setting up the collar, Chupacabra chops away to start but gets powered into the corner without much effort. A knee to the ribs cuts Chupacabra down and it’s already time to choke on the ropes. Chupacabra slugs away but gets dropped with an elbow (or COMBO BREAKER according to Brody) as a fight breaks out in the crowd.

Nuggs takes him outside for a slam on the floor but Chupacabra is right back in to slug away. Some Cannonballs in the corner crush Nuggs and Chupacabra goes up, only to get pulled down by the collar. Chupacabra is able to send him back out to the apron but gets knocked down hard.

Nuggs goes up (with Brody telling the fans not to touch him) and misses a splash 9with the camera cutting away on the lack of impact for some reason. The referee starts the count, with Brody telling fans to shout random number to confuse him. Chupacabra is back up with Sliced Bread for two so he chokes Nuggs with the collar for the pin at 12:12.

Rating: C-. Much like the previous match, this one went on too long and it overstayed its welcome. The collar stuff was used, but they could have had a similar match without the gimmick in place. I’m not sure if this feels like a top level title match, but then again I don’t think this is your normal promotion. Neither guy looked particularly impressive though, and that hurt things a good bit.

Post match Nuggs, with his throat all messed up, yells at Brody and the fans for daring to try to talk to him after he got choked out. A lot of swearing ensues, with even Brody thinking it’s a bit much.

The referee comes out for the next match and apparently has to dance whenever Brody sings James Brown.

Intergalactic Tag Team Titles: Drugz Bunny/Cereal Man vs. Da Squaaad

Bunny/Man are defending (the titles have skulls in the middle) and the Squaaad is Hip Hop Harry/D-Rogue/Kenny K/Shakira Spears. Cereal is about five cereal mascots mixed together, and comes out to a song about holding out for a hero with several cereal properties. Bunny on the other hand is The Rabbit With A Habit and pours out some white powder before the match.

Hold on though, as the Squaaad says that since this is their show (I guess?), we’re doing this 4-2. The champs start fast and hit Harry with a double flapjack, followed by a DDT from Cereal. A legdrop hits Harry so the rest of the Squaaad comes in for the save. Brody: “All these f****** gimmicks.” Kenny comes in with a backbreaker to Bunny and it’s D-Rogue coming in to run him over again. Harry adds a springboard back elbow and Shakira comes in for some stomping.

A backdrop finally gets Bunny out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Cereal to clean house. Cereal hits a sidewalk slam on Harry and bulldogs Kenny onto him as everything breaks down. Bunny bicycle kicks Kenny down and Cereal Stuns Harry for…..not the pin as the Squaaad says not so fast. See, D-Rogue forgot: it’s elimination rules (for Da Squaaad, not for the champs). Kenny stands on Cereal’s back and then drops down on him with a splash for two. A running knee in the corner sets up a Cannonball for two more on Cereal as frustration is setting in.

Cereal gets up a boot in the corner though and it’s a butterfly suplex to give him a breather. The double tag brings in Bunny and Spears, the latter of whom gets kicked down. D-Rogue comes in for the save and slams Bunny, setting up a moonsault from Kenny (which lands on Bunny’s head) for two, with Cereal making the save. A Hart Attack gets rid of Spears though and we’re down to 2-2. We get the big staredown and Bunny gives Kenny an RKO. Cereal is taken down though and the Big Rig hits Bunny for the pin and the titles at 14:05.

Rating: B-. This is the same idea you have seen time after time and that is not a bad idea. It has been done for years because it is something that works so well. This is a case of screwing the fans over and it worked well, because it is a classic concept. Fans are not going to like cheaters and that is what happened here, especially after they lost in the first place. Good stuff here, even with the joke from the champs losing its spark pretty fast.

Oh and one more thing: Hip Hop Harry only has one leg. Not too shabby.

Post match Brody is a big scared of the Squaaad but does give a bit of serious analysis to what we just saw.

With Da Squaaad gone, Brody thanks the ban and gets a big barrel and beach ball for some beer pong with the fans. Some fans shoot from the crowd and get a beer if they hit. Nice way to fill in some time as the band plays. Brody has some beer of his own and suggests that he’ll have more later.

Since the main event is big, he brings out Wonder Dave as his guest commentator.

Rumble Of Rankings Ramifications

This is a Royal Rumble with 30(ish, Brody’s term) entities involved and the winner getting a Golden Gig shot next month. Glorious Banana a man in a banana suit who comes out to Robert Roode’s old theme, is in at #1 and Funnybone, a guy in skeleton paint, is in at #2 and we have 90 second intervals. They forearm it out and trade shoulders with Funnybone getting the better of things. Otto Von Clutch is in at #3 and gets in a staredown with Funnybone. That’s fine with Funnybone, who knocks him down but Banana is back up for some double teaming in the corner.

Batmanuel (I think you get the idea) is in at #4 and gets in a staredown with Von Clutch, whose offer of an alliance isn’t accepted. A running shoulder in the corner has Von Clutch in trouble and it’s Marcelo Montoya in at #5 (with the fans providing the buzzer sounds) for a springboard knee to Batmanuel. The fans chant SAFETY THIRD as everyone brawls until D-Rogue is in at #6.

Batmanuel was put out somewhere in there and Joey Smoak is in at #7. Brody: “I just heard a fan say don’t bruise the banana. That joke was a lot of things but one thing it wasn’t was appealing.” Smoak is sent to the apron but not out and it’s James C (thankfully not a Jim Cornette parody) in at #8. The smoking James comes in and offers fans his cigarette until it’s Johnny Drinko Butabi is in at #9 as the ring is getting way too full.

Smoak is on the floor, though it isn’t clear if he is out, even as Funnybone chops at a bunch of people. Batmanuel is back in and it’s Juice Lee at in #10 as Banana is out. Von Clutch is out as well as the ring is a bit less full. Brittany Wonder (no word on if she is any relation to Wonder Dave, or Wonder Boy, the latter of whom has nothing to do with wrestling) is in at #11 and gets to clean house, including a spinning DDT to James C.

Big B is in at #12 and Batmanuel is kicked out for an elimination. The fans are VERY happy with that, though not so enthusiastic when they find out Montoya was eliminated off camera. Neil “The Thrill” Harper is in at #13 and everything settles back down. Otis The Gimp is in at #14 as this match is starting to die a bit. After another batch of nothing, Christopher Torres is in at #15.

HBKen (and yes he has his own version of Shawn Michaels’ theme) is in at #16 and yes, he is based on the Ken from Street Fighter. Commentary thinks someone might have been eliminated but isn’t sure who so we’ll move on to Brutal Bob Hands in at #17. Hands, who is rather small, hits a chokeslam and then tosses Torres. Brittany is left laying on the mat and it’s Master Eriks (a ringmaster) in at #18.

Harper is tossed as there must have been some eliminations off camera as the ring is nowhere near full enough. Hands and James are tossed and it’s Matt Carlos in at #19. Funnybone is still in and hits a bid give onto a bunch of people. Then he does it again for a bonus but makes sure to go through the ropes. Then he grabs Banana, who is still at ringside with a bunch of other people, as Lee is knocked off the top and into a moonsault onto the pile on the floor. That’s not an elimination as he went through the ropes, even as it’s Hip Hop Harry in at #20.

Eriks is out and it’s Kenny K in at #21 to keep Da Squaaad strong. Bison Braddock is in at #22 and commentary makes a correction by saying that Lee WAS eliminated earlier. Brody says Braddock is #21 and I can’t imagine it matters that much. Shakira Spears is in at #23 to complete Da Squaaad as you can tell the people in the ring are getting a bit tired. Richard Schhhary is in at #24 and starts in with some paper cuts to be a real….never mind.

Drugs Bunny is in at #25 and maybe he can get things hopping. Big B is out and commentary ignores it as Bart-Man is in at #26. Simpsons jokes about as Bart-Man chokes Carlos and it’s Sweet Boone in at #27. He goes straight after Schhhary and gets rid of him, only to give chance and eliminate himself. Steven Tresario is in at #28 and Otis likes Shakira chopping him. Things slow down again….and it’s Team Rocket (Jesse and James, complete with Pokemon speech and costumes) in at #29/30.

As the Pokemon jokes abound, Thicc Martel, the Plus Sized Model (I laughed) is in at #31 to complete the field (I think?). Tersario is out and it’s….Broseph Joe Brody in at #32. He jumps over the top rope and is thrown out by James, sending him into a great rant. Team Rocket tossed out Martel and there’s a 3D to Carlos. Spears eliminates Drinko but and there goes Carlos with him.

There goes Bart-Man but Spears spears Team Rocket down. Bunny tosses Spears though and we’re down to Bunny, Jesse, James and Funnybone. A low blow isn’t enough to get rid of Bunny as he skins the cat back in, only to have James stomp him in the face. James actually tosses Bunny but it’s Funnybone up with a double noggin knocker. A double clothesline finally gets rid of Funnybone though and Team Rocket shares the win at 53:03.

Rating: D. I love a good Royal Rumble but that was not the case here. This went on WAY too long and the lack of acknowledging a bunch of the eliminations didn’t help. There were a few jokes that worked (Thicc Martel was hilarious) and Brody’s rant after being eliminated was great, but this went far too long and the jokes weren’t frequent enough to keep my interest. Cut the intervals down to a minute (at most) and it’s better, but for a show that is supposed to be a lot of fun, I was badly tuning out by the end out of pure boredom.

Brody thanks us for coming out and hits the catchphrase one more time to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a weird one, as the concept is a lot of fun and there were some genuine laugh/cheer out loud moments on this show. The Zelda stuff and Thicc Martel were good gags and the Steinerized parody was downright inspired. It is a feeling that works really well, though then you get to the problem: this show is three hours and twenty minutes long.

Now I can get that this would be very different as it’s a party atmosphere (and the booze/various substances probably helped) and way more fun in person, but my goodness this show needed to be about 30 (or more) minutes shorter. That main event was pretty close to horrible and I was begging for the thing to end. At some point the thing needs to wrap up and this show didn’t seem to get that at times. There is a lot of fun to be had, but this needed to be about two and a half hours max, not pushing three and a half.

One more thing: if this is something that you might want to check out (and it is REALLY fun at times), note that it is absolutely an adult show with a lot of language and crude jokes. It’s definitely something you need to be in the right company for, as hearing/seeing some of this out of context/by someone you might not want seeing it could be quite the problem.

 

 

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