Pancakes And Piledrivers II
Date: April 7, 2018
Location: Sugar Mill, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Rich Bocchini, Jake Manning, Marty DeRosa

This is a show from Pro Wrestling Revolver plus some other companies (AAW/Fight Club Pro), with the show being billed as the Indy Summit. The show took place over Wrestlemania XXXIV weekend and I had a ticket to this show but went to WrestleCon instead. Odds are I made a mistake but let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the promotions included for a nice change of pace.

Jeff Cobb vs. Shane Strickland

Yeah this is going to be fun, even with Matt Striker as ring announcer. At the very least, seeing Strickland’s Ain’t Nobody entrance is always awesome. Strickland hurts his arm on an early clothesline attempt so Cobb grabs him by the throat. A charge into the corner takes too long though, allowing Strickland to go up top. That’s fine with Cobb, who pulls him out of the air and hits the swinging belly to back toss. The huge beal out of the corner sends Strickland flying again as commentary mocks the building for being filthy but not allowing the advertised pancakes.

Strickland tries to come back with a chop, allowing Cobb to show him how one is properly thrown. They have the same exchange with forearms but Strickland manages a kick to the head into a German suplex. The running kick to the head gives Strickland two and a hard knee to the head makes it worse. The Swerve Stomp gets two but Cobb sends him into the corner for a running uppercut. A headbutt plants Strickland again and the Tour of the Islands gives Cobb the pin at 7:59.

Rating: C+. Nice opener here as we get one of the things that WrestleCon does well: putting together indy (well then indy) stars and letting them have a fun match. Strickland continues to feel like a star and it is no surprise that he has become a bigger deal. Cobb is a monster who can run over anyone and it is always fun to see him throw people around.

Post match Strickland thanks all three companies for putting the show on.

Colt Cabana/Marty DeRosa vs. Joey Ryan/Session Moth Martina

It’s still weird to hear Ryan being treated as some kind of awesome star. Martina on the other hand goes around the ring drinking with fans, which makes her seem rather popular. Grinding on everyone in the ring makes it even better (Better?) as this is going to be an interesting one. This is DeRosa’s, usually a commentator, debut and he has gear very similar to Cabana’s.

Ryan oils up and gives Cabana some for he and DeRosa to share. The bell rings and Ryan tells Cabana to touch it but, after an apology to the crowd, he declines. Ryan thinks DeRosa might do it instead so Cabana brings him in…and has to hold DeRosa back from touching it. DeRosa and Ryan trade wristlocks to start but Ryan still can’t get him to touch it. If that won’t happen, maybe DeRosa will touch Martina’s….uh, yeah.

Cabana is MORE than willing to try (Martina doesn’t seem to mind) but they’ll wrestle instead. Well maybe not as Martina grinds on Cabana to get out of a waistlock and Ryan tags himself back in. Cabana does his STOP, WHAT’S THAT and slaps Ryan in the face and annoyance begins to grow. DeRosa and Martina come in with DeRosa slapping her in the same way, which is NOT COOL with a lot of people. Ryan knocks DeRosa into the corner for a Bronco Buster (the long form) from Martina.

With DeRosa down, it’s time for the lollipop from Ryan’s trunks. Cabana breaks that up and it’s stereo Bionic Elbows to the….villains? DeRosa busts out a super hurricanrana for two, followed by a Figure Four. Cabana puts Martina in the Billy Goat’s Curse at the same time but Martina crawls on top of DeRosa’s face and bounces for the double break.

Then Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer starts playing (ok that’s a plus) and romance is teased….until DeRosa and Cabana’s hands are put between Ryan and Martina’s respective legs. There’s the double flip (with the referee falling down too) and Ryan pulls out a sucker/Martina pulls out a prophylactic from their tights, which go into Cabana and DeRosa’s mouths. Stereo superkicks are good for stereo pins for Ryan and Martina at 8:12.

Rating: F. This is the definition of a your mileage may vary match and that isn’t the best thing to see. Ryan’s shtick didn’t work for me before everything came out about him and it’s even more uncomfortable not. The match was pure “comedy” and barely a match, but what else were you expecting here? Absolutely not my thing and the kind of stuff I never need to see again.

Peace is made post match as Jim Cornette insults abound.

Eddie Kingston vs. Juice Robinson

Kingston comes out to David Starr’s music as the result of a lost bet. They go technical to start with Kingston working on a hammerlock before switching into a top wristlock. Back up and Robinson hits a spinwheel kick, setting up a Cannonball in the corner. A high crossbody gives Robinson two as commentary talks about Sami Callihan. Kingston isn’t having that and knocks him outside, setting up the big suicide dive.

Robinson’s piledriver attempt is countered into a backdrop on the floor, setting up a big whip into the barricade. Back in and the waistlock goes on to keep Robinson down, followed by the rapid fire (minus rapid fire) chops in the corner. That’s reversed into some chops from Robinson and a layout powerbomb gets two. Kingston runs him over again and NOW it’s time for the big chop off (which you knew was coming). Robinson gets in another shot and grabs Pulp Friction for the pin at 8:29.

Rating: C. That ending came out of nowhere and it wasn’t exactly a great match in the first place. This felt more like the match where someone said “hey they’ve never fought before” and that was the extent of the planning. Granted there is only so much that you can do with a story on this show, but this was just kind of there for the most part.

Fight Club Pro Title: Meiko Satomura vs. Kimber Lee vs. Jessicka Havok

Satomura is defending and this is the top title of the promotion (out of England, owned by Trent Seven) rather than the Women’s Title. Striker, ever the nitwit, insists that it IS the Women’s Title, even though that title doesn’t seem to have ever existed. Havok clotheslines both of them down to start and does it again to Satomura for daring to fight back.

Satomura and Lee get together and start striking away to take Havok down, leaving Lee to forearm away at Satomura for a bit. Some kicks to the head rock Lee but she’s back with a bridging German suplex for two. Havok is back in though and tosses Lee around with no trouble. Three straight running kicks to the face stagger Lee even more but Satomura forearms Havok away. A DDT sends Havok outside and Lee gets Death Valley Drivered for two. Satomura hits Scorpion Rising to retain at 6:06.

Rating: C. That was rather sudden as Havok never came back in after the DDT. Not having a title changed here isn’t exactly shocking and it was cool to see Satomura getting to showcase herself. Lee is someone I never could get into but she is talented. Havok on the other hand is a total monster that you get as soon as you see her. Perfectly fine match here, but I was expecting more.

AAW Title: Trevor Lee vs. ACH

ACH is defending and Lee’s (probably better known as Cameron Grimes) AAW Heritage Title isn’t on the line. Lee bails to the floor to start and grabs the mic, allowing him to complain about this show taking place at “eleven o’clock in the afternoon”. These people here don’t care that he was out late on Bourbon Street but all that matters is that he is going to win the AAW Title. Not some loser like ACH who can’t even get on another show this weekend, but a real champion.

After bragging about the money he is going to make, Lee gets hit in the face, only to have ACH miss the 450 back inside. A shot to the face knocks out ACH’s tooth or gum but he is fine enough to avoid the Cave In. ACH is back with a superkick into a brainbuster for…..the pin at 3:10!

Rating: C+. Sure why not, as Lee’s promo and then getting getting shut up so fast was funny, but the wrestling was barely half of this. Sometimes you need a fun match like this, even if it was probably a way to cut time on a loaded show. ACH really was a talented guy before he went a bit bonkers, while Lee would go on to a rather nice career.

Post match, Lee reminds us that he is STILL the Heritage Champion.

OVE vs. Brian Cage/Joey Janela/AR Fox

Tornado rules. That would be the Crist Brothers/Sami Callihan, who are billed under both of their names (Ohio vs. Everything and Ohio Is For Killers). Jake Crist isn’t waiting on the bell and flip dives onto everyone, setting up an Asai moonsault as we’re just getting started without a bell. Penelope Ford comes out to watch as Dave takes Fox inside for a wind up DDT. Janela high crossbodies Fox but gets clotheslined by Callihan.

Cage is waiting on him so Callihan spits in his face….which earns Callihan a heck of a discus lariat. Jake knocks Cage outside but his suicide dive is caught in a suplex because Cage can do that. Everyone else heads outside, leaving Janela to hit a big top rope flip dive. Dave goes up so Ford catches him and it’s a superplex onto the big pile. That’s too far for Callihan, who powerbombs Ford onto a slightly smaller pile, which has commentary freaking out. Not over what Ford did, which was more dangerous, but just what Callihan did. Hypocrites.

Back in and a bunch of strikes to the face leave everyone down as commentary talks about Ford’s Gizmo themed gear. OVE is back up with stereo superkicks but charge into superkicks. Fox avoids a charge though and hits a Spanish Fly, setting up a 450 for two. Jake is back in with a Death Valley Driver to Fox, setting up the spike Tombstone (Killing Spree) for….one?

Everyone is back up for the big staredown, with Cage hitting an F5 and Fox hitting a Death Valley Driver of his own, setting up a triple cover. OVE breaks up stereo triple superplexes so Fox knocks Dave down instead. Fox loads up a frog splash but Jake dives from the adjacent corner with a super cutter to knock Fox cold for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: B-. Thank goodness they went to the finish after that cutter because nothing was going to top that one. Fox was knocked silly and there was no reason to try anything else. The rest of the match was your usual insanity that comes with such a stipulation and it went rather well, at least partially helped because OVE is a regular team. That finish looked great though and it carried the match a lot higher.

PWR Scramble Title: Matt Palmer vs. Jake Manning vs. Caleb Konley vs. Trey Miguel vs. Clint Margera vs. Jason Cade vs. Ace Romero vs. Curt Stallion vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. Myron Reed vs. Connor Braxton vs. Omari

Palmer is defending and this would be your OH COME ON match of the show, as there are TWELVE PEOPLE in this. Everyone but MJF jumps Palmer to start and toss him outside, leaving everyone else to brawl inside. Reed is left alone to dropkick Cade outside so Stallion comes in to dropkick him. Romero hits a dropkick to Stallion but the rather tall Braxton kicks Romero outside.

Palmer and MJF double team Braxton and we seem to have a partnership….until they both poke eyes and kick each other low, which is good for a handshake out of mutual respect. That’s always nice to see. Omari and Margera hit stereo flip dives onto the floor, followed by Miguel’s springboard flip dive. Manning’s top rope trust fall (while still reading his Boy Scout manual, as is his custom) takes everyone down, leaving Romero (nearly 400lbs) to hit his own dive, much to the fans’ delight.

Back in and we get the required Tower Of Doom, albeit with Palmer and MJF teaming together, teasing a split, and then splitting in the span of ten seconds. Braxton and Stallion double team Romero, with the former managing an impressive slam. Manning is back in with a backbreaker into a lifting Downward Spiral to Stallion and we hit the parade of secondary (or maybe primary) finishers. Omari takes Miguel out so MJF tries to steal the pin, only to get rolled up by Palmer (with trunks) to retain at 8:14.

Rating: C. Yeah it was fine and that’s all I can think of to say about it. What in the world are you supposed to do with a dozen people doing spot after spot for about eight minutes? Palmer stealing the pin doesn’t so much prove anything as he just was in the right place at the right time. That is how these matches always go and while they get a lot of people on the show, they almost never do anything for me as no one gets to stand out in the slightest.

Lucha Bros vs. Jack Evans/Teddy Hart

First half of a double main event and it takes a good while for the Bros to get here. As usual, Evans runs his mouth a lot before the match, which will likely continue after the bell. Fenix and Evans start things off and yes Evans is still running his mouth, which is rarely a good idea. They trade their flips until Fenix kicks the leg out for no count before flipping up into a standoff.

Hart and Penta come in and the chop off is on fast before Hart complains about the lack of respect. A Backstabber drops Penta and Evans springboards in to kick Fenix in the head. That leaves Hart to hit a hanging piledriver/DDT at the same time to drop both Bros. Evans does a triple backflip into the corner to poke Fenix in the eye, which he describes as never before seen. The Canadian Destroyer into the moonsault gives Hart two on Fenix but Penta is back in for a change.

The double teaming takes him down as well, only to have the Bros pop up for running corner clotheslines. Penta gives Hart a heck of a superkick into the corner, with Evans being tied in the Tree of Woe to put them on top of each other. Fenix flips Penta onto the pile before Evans is tied up in a surfboard. That’s not enough for Penta though, as Fenix pulls on the arms at the same time.

Since that doesn’t really work nearly as well as the single version would, Evans hangs on until Hart makes the save. Penta Canadian Destroyers Hart for two with Evans making a save of his own. A springboard doesn’t work for Evans as he falls off the top but he’s right back with a middle rope Phoenix splash for two as Fenix makes his own save.

Fenix hits a rolling cutter on Evans as the referee is trying to restore order for whatever reason. One heck of a Project Ciampa drops Fenix and Evans adds the 630 for two more. Penta powerbombs Evans onto his knee for his own near fall, setting up a stereo Pentagon Driver/Black Fire Driver to give the Bros the double pin at 10:34.

Rating: B-. I would call this the “well, what did you expect” special, as you know what you’re going to get when you have a match involving these people. There is nothing else to expect from these four getting into a match and they made it work well. Let them go out there and do their flips and dives to pop the crowd and that’s all you need. Fun stuff of course, despite being total junk food wrestling.

AAW/PWR Tag Team Titles: Besties In The World vs. Aussie Open vs. Rascalz

The Besties (Davey Vega/Mat Fitchett) are defending both sets of titles in a ladder match. The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier/Zachary Wentz) are debuting their name, having been formerly known as Scarlett And Graves (weird name). That leaves Aussie Open (Kyle Fletcher/Mark Davis), who have nothing of note but I needed a reason to say their names. And yes, the Besties are the team who do their entrance to Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden and yes it is still amazing.

Hold on though, as Fitchett wants tables and chairs added in to the ladders because they’re hardcore! Vega: “NO WE’RE NOT!” Striker says everything is legal, despite it being a ladder match where everything is legal in the first place. A bunch of weapons are thrown inside as commentary talks about how ridiculous it is to have all of these totally unnecessary things underneath the ring.

Ladders and plywood are placed in the corner and Fitchett and Miguel are knocked into/through them. Vega goes up top and gets caught by a bunch of people who shove him through another plywood board. Aussie Open and the Rascalz slug it out with the bigger Fletcher being the last man standing. Wentz chairs him off the ladder though and goes up, allowing commentary to mock JR’s voice on the famous Jeff Hardy ladder climb.

With that broken up, Wentz hits a big step up dive onto a pile on the floor, followed by Fitchett’s running lip dive. Davis Arabian presses onto a bunch of people, leaving Xavier alone with a ladder in the ring. Instead of going for the belts, he climbs the ladder and shooting stars down onto the pile. Vega has used the delay to put a board over six chairs at ringside and superplex Wentz through it for the next big crash.

Back in and Fitchett kicks Xavier in the face but it’s Aussie Open cleaning house. Davis’ running forearm in the corner rocks Xavier and the Aussies both climb at once (Commentary: “No, no, no.”). Fitchett makes the save and the champs crush Aussie Open with ladders in the corner. The Rascalz are back in to kick the Besties down, including Wentz superkicking a chair into Fitchett’s face. Davis comes back in this time and powerbombs Xavier with one arm (dang) but gets kicked in the face by Wentz as well.

Xavier is back up to kick Fletcher and Fitchett down, leaving everyone on the mat. The Aussies catch Xavier going up and Fletcher dives off the top for a cutter (not quite OVE level but not bad). Wentz chops at the Aussies but gets thrown into a ladder in the corner for his efforts. That’s enough to dent the ladder so Fletcher gets on Davis’ shoulders but the champs turn it into a Doomsday Device. The Besties hit stereo piledrivers on the Rascalz (illegal in Louisiana) and retain the titles at 14:10.

Rating: B. It was a six man indy ladder match and that should tell you everything that you need to know. There were cool spots and a lot of carnage until one of the teams got the titles, which is exactly how something like this was supposed to go. It’s nothing great or memorable but for a big main event on a show like this one, it went well and was probably the best thing on the card.

Post match the Besties say that’s how you win gold together (Fan: “THEY’RE SILVER!”) but they want to call out….DAVID ARQUETTE??? AND HE’S HERE! Arquette pulls out a $100 bill scarf and says the Besties just want his money, before bragging about the big names he has faced. He says he’s a real champion and that WWE ruined WCW. Then he pulls off his jacket and reveals a NEVER BEEN PINNED shirt. Arquette seems to challenge the Besties to a match and leaves through the crowd to end the show on an awkward note.

Overall Rating: B-. I had fun and it only went a little over two hours so it didn’t overstay its welcome. What matters here is getting a bunch of people on a show and popping the crowd over and over. You don’t look for continuity or logic here and what we got here lived up to those requirements. It’s cool to see some of the non-WWE stars out there doing their thing and there is only one match that really didn’t work on the whole card. Fun stuff and I’m kind of regretting not taking it in live.

 

 

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Prison Break
Date: August 16, 2019
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Gerry Strauss, Paul Crockett

This is from Northeast Wrestling, which is an independent company that I’ve always wanted to look at. As it turns out they had a big event a few months ago (it was last weekend when I started this) featuring a bunch of names you’ve probably heard of so I might as well go with something recent for a change. I’m not sure what to expect here but that makes it more fun. Let’s get to it.

As usual with a show like this, I have no idea what to expect as I don’t follow the stories so bear with me if I don’t know something.

The opening video looks at the history of the promotion, with names such as Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan appearing. Dang when did this place get so big? The hype package does show a rather impressive lists of names over the years, with Bret Hart, Hogan, Roddy Piper, Kurt Angle and Mick Foley among many others being shown. They’ve already got my attention and that’s the best way to start. The video switches to more modern wrestlers, again with several you’re probably familiar with.

We run down the card.

The announcers welcome us to the show.

Private Party vs. A Boy And His Dinosaur vs. Inzanely Rude

The last team would be Zane Bernardo/RJ Rude. Luchasaurus throws Rude into the corner to start so it’s Quen tagging himself in to face Rude instead. That means a dropkick from Quen, who doesn’t even lose his sunglasses. Kassidy comes in with a slingshot hilo but this time it’s Jungle Boy tagging him to Backstab Bernardo. Inzanely Rude bails to the floor so we’ll try Kassidy vs. Boy for a bit.

They take turns flipping each other around until it’s a standoff in the middle. Bernardo comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick to Kassidy and the double teaming is on in a hurry. Quen breaks that up and gets dropkicked as well, finally knocking the sunglasses off (there has to be an Orange Cassidy joke in there somewhere). Rude chops Kassidy, who gives off a high pitched scream.

It’s Rude getting stomped in the corner and Quen flip diving onto Bernardo. Rude gets in a double Sliced Bread to Private Party and it’s Luchasaurus coming in for general carnage. Just because he can, he flips forward and kicks Rude and Bernardo in the head. Boy comes back in to start cleaning house, including Luchasaurus flipping Rude over his back into a sitout spinebuster from Boy for no cover.

Kassidy throws Boy outside and flips over Quen on the apron and then back inside (always cool) for a tornado DDT on Luchasaurus. Boy comes back in for more chops (and more screaming from Kassidy) but Kassidy takes Luchasaurus out with a running corkscrew dive. Quen’s gorgeous shooting star gets two on Boy as Rude makes a save and everyone is down. A Blockbuster connects on Kassidy and it’s a Death Valley Driver to send Quen onto Rude’s knees.

Boy winds up over Bernardo’s back for an over the back piledriver but Luchasaurus comes back in with chokeslams for Rude and Bernardo, the latter of whom gets Canadian Destroyed by Boy in a cool spot. Bernardo and Boy hit the dives to the floor with Rude moonsaulting off the top for the big crash. Back in and Gin And Juice finishes Rude in a hurry to give Kassidy the pin.

Rating: B-. This got a little bit more time than it needed but they did exactly what they needed to do to wake the crowd up to start things off. Private Party is a great act for something like this, though Boy/Luchasaurus might have better potential. The ending was a little weird though as Inzanely Rude would win the Tag Team Titles just over a week later.

Post match Boy/Luchasaurus dance with Private Party for a moment that is a little odder than you might have guessed.

Here’s a flashback to Ultimate Warrior making an appearance with the promotion. He addresses the fans and puts over the promotion for being old school without something like a creative staff. And then we cut it off there.

Tasha Steelz vs. Penelope Ford

Steelz wrestles for Ring of Honor at times. Ford’s offer of a handshake earns her a kick to the ribs as Steelz shows some intellect. A pump kick sends Steelz into the corner for a double backflip elbow as the announcers talk about AEW without talking about AEW. Some right hands knock Ford into the corner and some running shot to the face keep Ford in trouble.

The crowd is so interested that we can hear every word Steelz is saying, which is always a great sign. Ford fights out of a chinlock in a hurry so Steelz grabs Three Amigos for two. A kick to the head and a crucifix bomb give Ford two but Steelz is right back with a high crossbody for her own near fall. Ford starts flipping around and hits a Stunner, setting up a Lethal Injection for the pin at 6:19.

Rating: D+. Ford has all the charisma she needs and I’m pretty sure AEW (or anyone) can figure out a way to use someone who looks like her. The match wasn’t anything great but you can feel some star power from Ford. On the other hand, Steelz feels like most of the Women of Honor: she exists, she can do moves competently, and that’s the end of the positives about her because I still know nothing about her or anything she does.

Private Party celebrates in the back and hits on the backstage interviewer. She doesn’t seem to mind and leaves with them.

Wrecking Ball Legursky vs. Mike Verna

Verna is a strong guy named the Man of Steel and I don’t think I need to explain someone named Wrecking Ball. Apparently Legursky has lost 100lbs, which is quite impressive no matter who you are. Legursky throws him down with ease but Verna gets in an elbow and a missile dropkick, which seems to be a surprising move for him. Verna hits a suicide dive but gets taken down by a dive off the apron.

Back in and Verna forearms him in the face, followed by another for good measure. A pop up powerbomb into a splash gives Legursky two but Verna is right back with another forearm into a Death Valley Driver. That means a trip to the middle rope but Legursky catches him in a swinging Boss Man Slam for the pin at 5:25.

Rating: C. This was the first time I’ve seen both guys and I instantly got the concept. That’s a nice feeling and a good sign for this company as the two of them are unique enough that I remember them but they also had a nice little match. Legursky could be someone elsewhere (say as a bodyguard) and Verna is in good enough shape to be worth a look down the road.

The Trust Fund (they’re rich and you’re not) is ready to destroy Caz XL.

Caz XL vs. Thrillride

The Trust Fund (manager and a bodyguard) is at ringside and Thrillride is a…..I guess flamboyant cowboy? Caz XL is of course Big Cass and that’s what I’ll be referring to him as for the sake of my sanity. Cass (who is jacked) elbows him in the face to start and hits a one armed slam. Bodyguard Rob Zombie grabs Cass’ leg so Thrillride can hammer away but some dropkicks just stagger Cass.

The lackeys choke from the floor and the distraction lets Zombie get in a running neckbreaker and a Samoan drop gives Thrillride two. The chinlock doesn’t last long and Cass muscles him up for a side slam. Zombie cheats again though and the both of them are down again. Some running chops just wake Cass up and he unloads in the corner, setting up the running splash. There’s the chokeslam but Cass has to beat up the manager and Zombie, followed by a powerbomb to put Thrillride away at 6:54.

Rating: C-. Have giant beat up villains and win after a pretty short match. What else can you ask for out of something like this? I mean, other than Cass snapping and attempting to beat up one of his coworkers or something like that of course. The fans seemed pleased and Cass looked great, though he isn’t getting anywhere near a major company again for a long time.

We recap the Tag Team Title match by talking about….Jerry Lawler vs. David Arquette? Lawler dropped Arquette on his head with the piledriver so tonight Brian Anthony (thinks he’s a king) is teaming up with Arquette to challenge Lawler and Keith Youngblood. It’s a little hard to follow.

Lawler laughs at the idea of an actor coming after him and promises to piledrive Arquette, just like he did to Andy Kaufman. Oh and Anthony looks ridiculous in a crown.

Tag Team Titles: Jerry Lawler/Keith Youngblood vs. Hollywood Royalty

Lawler and Youngblood are defending and Baron Von Vito, Hollywood Royalty’s way over the top manager, handles the introductions. We hear about their resumes, which include two Blockbuster Entertainment Awards and a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award. If nothing else, the idea of Arquette in trunks is such a strange visual. The champs slug away to start and Hollywood Royalty bail to the floor for an early breather.

Back in and it’s Youngblood hammering on Anthony, followed by an atomic drop with Youngblood posing a bit for a nice visual. A one knee Codebreaker takes Youngblood down though and it’s Arquette coming in for stomping and choking. It’s already back to Anthony and some taunting brings Lawler in like a rookie. Youngblood gets stomped down some more but Anthony spends too much time posing and gets superkicked. Arquette draws Lawler in again though and there’s no hot tag yet.

Anthony hammers away and drops a top rope elbow for two. We hit the nerve hold but Youngblood fights up with the clotheslines as Lawler is busy beating up the Baron. The referee gets splashed in the corner by mistake and the Duke of Danger (another of Royalty’s buddies) comes out to beat on Lawler. That means a triple teaming on Youngblood but Manscout Jake Manning runs in for the save. Arquette tries to piledrive Lawler and gets backdropped, setting up a quick fist drop to give Lawler the pin to retain at 9:59.

Rating: D+. Aside from seeing Arquette vs. Lawler, there wasn’t very much of note here. Lawler is still perfectly capable of doing everything he could before and there is nothing wrong with doing something like this. Youngblood looked fine and you can see the star power in Anthony. The champs would lose their titles to Anthony/Duke the next day.

Post match Lawler lays out Arquette but Lawler makes the save and gives him a piledriver, setting up a Diamond Cutter from Arquette. Lawler and Arquette shake hands and Arquette thanks everyone for having him.

Nzo talks about how awesome he is and his star power. He and Big Cass were the biggest draws in wrestling in 2016 (HUH?) and people were talking about the two of them at ROH more than anyone else over Wrestlemania weekend (yeah…not sure if I’d brag about that). His opponent is never mentioned.

Brian Pillman Jr. vs. nZo

Pillman takes him into the corner to start and slaps him on the chest so Enzo grabs a headlock takeover. Back up and Pillman sends him outside with ease, followed by a headlock so Pillman can very blatantly call spots. The headlocking continues until it’s the Hollywood Blondes camera pose.

Enzo starts favoring his knee in the corner, allowing Enzo to grab, you know it, another headlock. That’s broken up and this time Enzo takes him to the apron for a reverse DDT to the floor. A running Razor’s Edge into the post puts Pillman down again and thankfully doesn’t hurt his neck.

Back in and Enzo stomps away as frustration is setting in. A snap across the top puts Pillman on the floor and his throat gets sent into the bottom rope for a bonus. Enzo seems to mock Roman Reigns…and charges into a knee to the face. Back in and a superkick gets two on Enzo but he breaks up a superplex and hits a top rope DDT for two more. The Jordunzo finishes Pillman at 14:56.

Rating: D+. So that happened. Yeah Enzo is still just a person who exists and nowhere near the star that he thinks he is. He came back and had one not very good match against Pillman and then….hasn’t actually wrestled again in the three months since this show. I haven’t cared for him in a long time and this version of him isn’t changing that anytime soon.

Enzo heads straight to the back after the bell.

We recap the NEW Heavyweight Title match. Hale Collins is the hometown boy and he’ll do anything to win the title from Darby Allin.

Northeast Wrestling Heavyweight Title: Darby Allin vs. Hale Collins

No DQ and Hale is challenging. Allin wastes no time in hitting a suicide dive and the fight is on outside in a hurry. A chair to the ribs has Hale down again and a shot to the back makes it worse. Let’s bring in a ladder and a table as well but Allin misses a charge and hits the barricade. Some chair shots to the back get Allin out of trouble again but a dive only hits table

They head inside for the opening bell and Collins superkicks him for two. It’s already back to the floor with Collins putting Allin on the table but missing an elbow off the ladder for a huge crash. Back in and the Coffin Drop finishes Collins at 2:21. That’s some rather fast paced booking but given how they were going out there, including the stuff before the bell, it was easy to understand. Collins exploded through that table too and it would have been nuts to see him keep going after that.

Here’s JT Dunn, who isn’t happy with the lack of an opponent since Rey Fenix isn’t here. He calls in the broom guy for an ovation…and a beating. Dunn brags about being awesome and teases going after the ring announcer, until some music cuts him off.

Ring of Honor World Title: JT Dunn vs. Matt Taven

Taven is defending and is a legend around here. Dunn stomps him down in the corner and chops away but Taven pops right back up with a dropkick. Some rollups give Taven two but the Supernova is countered. Instead it’s a TKO over the top rope, setting up a running dropkick through the ropes. A chop against the barricade keeps Dunn in trouble as Taven seems rather pleased to be home.

Dunn’s chop hits the post but his foot is fine enough to hit a big boot. They slug it out on the apron but the referee takes a shot to the face. Dunn gets in a cheap shot for a breather before choking on the ropes by laying on Taven’s back. Something close to a spear gives Dunn two but Taven chops his way out of the corner. Taven’s middle rope moonsault is kicked out of the air but he’s right back with a quick DDT for a double knockdown.

Some running elbows and an enziguri have Dunn in trouble and a rolling neckbreaker gets two. Dunn sends him into the corner for a breather so they head up top, with Taven scoring a heck of a superplex. Taven is right back with a running knee and the Supernova….for two in a good near fall. Dunn’s sliding forearm gives him two of his own but he spends a little too much time talking and gets superkicked. A frog splash retains Taven’s title at 17:59.

Rating: C+. I’ve never been a Taven fan but the difference here was the fire that Taven was showing. He looked like a star but more importantly he felt like a star, which has never been the case with his time in Ring of Honor. I don’t think that is ever going to change without some huge switch for Taven, though that doesn’t matter here. What matters is that Taven had a good appearance and made Dunn look good at the same time. Nice match but the star power was on display with Taven, even if it was due to being a big fish in a small pond.

Post match Taven thanks the company as well as ROH for letting him show up here, even if it is a one night only event. Taven won the North East Title nine years ago and now he’s back as Ring of Honor World Champion. It has been a long road and he loves the fans very much. Again: totally different than his ROH stuff.

We see the Jon Moxley prison break video.

Moxley says he is alive and he is breathing fresh air for the first time. Pentagon Jr. is ready to hurt him. Sounds like a main event to me.

Jon Moxley vs. Pentagon Jr.

They get in each others faces and shout a lot, including various levels of swearing. An early headscissors puts Moxley on the floor so he grabs a chair. The suicide dive is countered with a chair to the mask and it’s time to send Pentagon into the crowd. They brawl through the fans and we can’t see anything for a few moments.

The lights go on again and we see Moxley knocking him through a pretty big crowd, including knocking him through a merch table. Back in and Moxley goes for the mask because of course before bridging a table against the barricade. That takes too long though and Pentagon hits a big running flip dive to send him through said table. A big sweeping broom goes over Moxley’s back and Pentagon chairs him in the ankle.

It’s back into the crowd with Pentagon dragging him into the cheap seats. A drink to the face sets up some choking before Pentagon finds a bonus mask and puts it on Moxley. They go back to ringside with Pentagon finding what might have been an umbrella for a shot to the back. Pentagon gets two off a top rope double stomp but walks into a release Rock Bottom for two.

That’s fine with Pentagon, who kicks the knee out and hits a top rope Alberto double stomp. Moxley sweeps the leg though and puts on a quickly broken Texas Cloverleaf. An STF makes it even worse for Pentagon but a rope is grabbed in a hurry. Pentagon hits a Backstabber and loads up another table in the corner.

They slug it out from their knees until Pentagon hits a superkick, though Moxley drives him through the table in the corner. That’s good for a delayed two and Paradigm Shift gets the same. Pentagon is right back with the arm snap and Fear Factor but Moxley pulls the mask off and hits the Paradigm Shift for the pin at 23:41.

Rating: C+. I wasn’t wild on the big brawling but it fit the two of them rather well. That’s the kind of match that they should be having and the lack of regular wrestling was a lot more understandable here. It makes sense to play to your strengths and on a show like this, it wasn’t exactly something out of nowhere. Let them have fun and get the crowd to come back later, which is the point of bringing in a star like Moxley.

Post match Pentagon thanks him for the match and wants to do it again. Moxley doesn’t like what Pentagon said about his madre but the rematch sounds good. Moxley praises the fans and we get the NEDUB chants. A handshake wraps things up.

Overall Rating: C. This worked out well enough and you can tell the promotion has a history and knows what it’s doing. There was a nice balance of big names and more in-house wrestlers to make things work and it felt like a promotion that delivers a consistent product. The wrestling wasn’t anything that will blow you away but it stayed in a pretty middle of the road area, with nothing great but nothing close to terrible. Completely watchable show and better than a lot of indies you’ll see, at least somewhat due to the overall presentation.

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Slamboree 2000
Date: May 7, 2000
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 7,165
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s time for the David Arquette pay per view with the triple cage match which has only been vaguely described on TV. Coming off this week’s Nitro and Thunder where there was barely any build for most of the matches, it’s really hard to get into this show. Maybe there will be some actual effort this time, though I have a feeling I’m going to be disappointed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Thunder, which set up Great American Bash next month. Notice that: they don’t even have anything to build up for this month’s show so they’re already talking about June. That’s a really bad sign.

The Millionaire’s Club arrives on a bus. I’m sure their promos in the arena on the pre-show were a figment of my imagination.

We go to the opening video, which starts by talking about Flair vs. Douglas. Is that really the most important thing to talk about? The other big matches get some time too in the best video they’ve done on the show so far. They’re actually talking about some matches for a change.

There’s a long entrance ramp back. I’ve always been a fan of those.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Candido vs. The Artist

Candido is defending and Artist hasn’t won a match on TV since March. Tammy offers to show the fans hers in the Show Me State. A quick rollup gets two for the champ but a second attempt is countered into a German suplex for two for the Artist. They pick things up a bit with Artist backdropping Candido to the floor, only to be whipped into the barricade. Candido goes up but Artist kind of clotheslines him out of the air. It looked like a spear with no impact so we’ll call it a clothesline.

Back in and a hurricanrana gets two for Artist but The champ comes back with chops in the corner. Artist gets knocked to the apron and suplexes Candido over the top in the only good spot of the match so far. Chris gives him a low blow (there are referees tonight but they’re as worthless as ever) but Artist comes back with a bad powerbomb.

Candido’s hurricanrana off the top is blocked and Artist hits a middle rope Samoan drop. Tammy tries to interfere and triggers a catfight, only to have Tammy chair Artist for a close two. They even played Candido’s music but the referee says keep going. Candido piledrives Artist and drops the top rope headbutt to retain.

Rating: D. Artist is dull and boring most of the time but here he was adding in blowing spots. To be fair though, Candido wasn’t really helping here as he kept blowing things left and right as well. This was such a boring time for the title as 3 Count and the Jung Dragons, as in the guys who could actually be entertaining with the title, have been forgotten for this company wide story. It felt like an old NWA Junior Heavyweight Title match where smaller guys who didn’t wrestle a different style had dull matches and no one cared but it was its own division and therefore supposed to be special.

Paisley rips off Tammy’s dress and crawls over to Artist.

The announcers explain the cage for the first time.

Video of Terry Funk getting beaten up a lot. Now you get to see him defend a title.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley/???

Funk is defending and Norman has a mystery partner who is obviously Ralphus. Norman hides in the bathroom to start because it worked so well last month. Funk finds the mystery partner (wearing a catcher’s mask) instead, allowing Norman to blast Funk with a fire extinguisher. Why he doesn’t hit him with the extinguisher itself isn’t clear but Norman isn’t the brightest guy in the world.

Funk gets rammed into a Coke machine until the light goes out and some trashcan lid shots get two. They brawl through the back until Terry throws Norman through Gene’s interview set. The mystery partner gets on a pile of carpet and throws boxes at Terry, allowing Madden to make pitcher and catcher jokes. Some trashcan shots get two on Norman as the mystery partner just stands around letting Norman get destroyed.

Funk hits him with a chair for two as the partner doesn’t even break up the cover. They fight to the go position (Tony: “HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE RING???” I would say listen for the cheering but that’s not happening at a WCW show.) and then into the arena with Funk dragging the partner to the ring. Madden think it’s Bubba the Love Sponge. The mask comes off and of course it’s Ralphus.

Funk accidentally pulls Ralphus’ pants down as Norman attacks with a ladder. Madden: “Not since I was attacked by Tank Abbott have we seen……wait what am I saying?” Ok that was kind of funny. A chair to Funk’s head sets up the Big Wiggle but Ralphus, who has lost his shirt, wants to join in. Funk comes back with some chair shots and rolls Norman up to retain.

Rating: C. It’s stupid, it’s goofy, and it’s probably the most entertaining thing on this show. Ralphus is one of those ideas where they knew exactly what they had and didn’t try to make it anything more than that. This was good fun and Norman continues to be the most underrated thing in WCW.

David Arquette arrives half an hour into the show and says he’s got his own money so he’s not with the Millionaire’s Club. Don’t let the smile fool you: he’s scared. They’re actually trying to treat this seriously and that’s even dumber than putting Arquette in the story in the first place.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

Feeling out process to start as the announcers debate what they can call either guy without getting in trouble for gimmick infringement. A hiptoss puts Stasiak on the floor and he comes back in to fight over a top wristlock. Shawn gets two off a sunset flip as the Misfits in Action are in the front row in different color fatigues. Out to the floor now with Stasiak choking over the announcers’ table before they head to the ramp.

Hennig throws his back out while trying a slam and Shawn puts on a sleeper back inside. As usual, Stasiak is really dull in the ring. Totally adequate and not bad by any stretch, but dull. Hennig breaks it up after two arm drops and punches Shawn out of the air to take over. Not that it matters as Stasiak catapults him into the post and puts on the HennigPlex for the pin.

Rating: D+. Totally watchable match and probably the most technically sound things are going to get all night but I really didn’t need to watch eight minutes of Stasiak being dull before getting the pin. I guess Stasiak is supposed to be the new Mr. Perfect. It would be nice if we had heard a promo from Stasiak where he said that, but that’s probably asking too much from WCW.

Russo tells Steiner to keep the New Blood roll going. Steiner doesn’t seem pleased.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus

Steiner is defending. First up though, Morrus renames himself Hugh G. Rection or Captain Rection for short. Well of course he did. Steiner hammers him down in the corner but Rection comes back with enough right hands to put Scott on the floor for a breather. Back in and a spinwheel kick of all things gets two on the champ and there’s Rection’s top rope elbow. The girls break up No Laughing Matter though and put Rection in the Tree of Woe, allowing Madden to get in some easy jokes. The t-bone suplex sets up the pushups and the spinning belly to belly gets two.

We hit the bearhug (and Madden misses the squeezing jokes) for a bit before a belly to belly knocks Rection even sillier. Steiner stops to pose, giving us some of the only unique heel work of the night. Rection makes his comeback with splashes in the corner and an Owen Hart-style tombstone, only to mostly miss the moonsault. His feet smack Steiner in the head but the Recliner retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Another bad match here but the stupid name was really messing this up. It’s really difficult to stay in a match when there’s a stupid joke every 18 seconds. As usual Russo would rather make himself laugh than advance the story in any meaningful way because Russo is a hack. A creative hack but still a hack.

Booker T. comes out to save Rection from the Recliner.

Kanyon says he’ll win tonight.

Mike Awesome vs. Chris Kanyon

Kanyon starts with a clothesline as the fans look at something in the crowd. Instead of going to a hold, Awesome sends Kanyon outside for a big dive over the top, drawing an ECW chant. Kanyon wraps Awesome’s ribs around the post and drives in a baseball slide for good measure. There’s a flip dive off the apron as the fans are trying to get into this show. Back in and Awesome comes back with the top rope clothesline, followed by some chair shots to take over again.

Some choking on the floor is followed by a hard clothesline for Awesome as this is the good match these two are capable of having when there’s nothing screwy going on. Mike chairs Kanyon in the back but gets crotched on the top, allowing Kanyon to pull him down with a nice neckbreaker. Awesome rolls through a high cross body for two but Kanyon’s fireman’s carry pancake gets the same. An Alabama Slam (which Tony calls a version of a powerbomb) knocks Kanyon silly before powerbombing Kanyon on the back of his head in a scary landing.

Mike peels back the mats at ringside but opts for a slingshot shoulder instead. He can’t Awesome Bomb Kanyon over the top rope so it’s a release German suplex across the ring instead. Awesome loads up the powerbomb onto the concrete and here’s Nash to interrupt. Cue the New Blood and the match is thrown out, presumably due to Nash’s jealousy shining through.

Rating: B-. Match of the night by a mile and I’d be surprised if anything besides the main event comes anywhere close to it. This is what happens when you let two talented guys beat each other up and do impressive looking moves to each other for ten minutes. Now of course there had to be a screwy ending because the fans were getting into it and WCW doesn’t know how to handle that, but I’ll take what good stuff I can get when I can get it.

The Millionaire’s Club comes down for the save, just like they have on every TV show for two weeks.

We recap Bagwell vs. Luger which is happening again for reasons I’ll never comprehend. This time Russo has stolen Liz (and let her go on Nitro, only to have her back two days later for reasons that were never explained) and Bagwell is doing Russo’s fighting. As has been explained: this is an excuse for Russo to look manly and have Liz on his arm.

Russo tells Liz to change out of her dress (which looks quite good already) and put on something he’s picked out for her.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

Bagwell doesn’t have a title so Tony isn’t sure if he and Douglas are still champions. We start with the posing because that’s what they’ve done for years now. Luger drives him into the corner to start but Buff pounds him down with ease. We’re already in the chinlock but Luger fights out with a suplex. Dang he’s working hard tonight. The right hands and clotheslines knock Bagwell to the floor, which I think has happened in every match tonight.

Luger gets in a few shots and throws Bagwell back in by the ear. That’s certainly a new one. Bagwell gets two of his own off a double arm DDT and we’re back in the chinlock. This might be the laziest pairing in wrestling history but they keep getting paired together for years on end. After they stay on the mat with the chinlock it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down again. Buff drops a splash for two and it’s off to a reverse chinlock.

Luger looks mildly annoyed, realizes there’s a camera on him, and starts wincing. We cut to the back where Russo tells Liz to come watch, only to have Liz come out and hit him with the ball bat. Luger starts his comeback but Buff hits him in the ribs. Cue Bagwell with the bat but Buff takes it away from her and hits Luger in the stomach. Liz picks the bat up though and breaks up the Blockbuster, setting up the Rack for the submission.

Rating: D. Luger and Bagwell laying around instead of trying to have a good match? Who would have ever seen that one coming? This was your standard match between the two and it’s still nothing that anyone would want to see again, hence why I’m sure they’ll be best friends again by the end of the year. Can we just have Liz fall for Russo already? You know it’s coming soon.

Post match Chuck Palumbo comes in and blasts Luger in the back with an exercise bar. He’s wearing gear identical to Luger, so Russo is already repeating his own storyline from the Stasiak vs. Hennig story. Palumbo Racks Luger and Bagwell kidnaps Liz again. April O’Neil wasn’t this helpless.

Shane Douglas is happy to finally get his hands on Flair. As usual, if you didn’t watch ECW or read the internet, this story makes no sense to you.

Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas

Douglas says he’s awesome and is going to destroy Flair. Ric comes out and has the referee hold the ropes for a former World Champion. Flair: “Not that you would know anything about that buddy.” Ric even mentions ECW when promising to take Shane out tonight like it’s 1981. They actually wrestle to start until Shane elbows him in the face to take over.

The chop it out until Flair gets slammed off the top, followed by a Figure Four from Douglas. Hudson: “THAT’S THE MOVE HE WON SO MANY WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS WITH!” Your factoid of the day: Flair never actually won a World Title with the Figure Four by traditional submission. Every time he won with the Figure Four, it was due to his opponent passing out in the hold. Flair grabs a rope and hits one heck of a low blow to knock Shane to the floor. Shane gets whipped into the barricade but manages a kick to the bad leg to get a breather.

Now we get to the issue with WCW as a whole right now: Douglas pulls out a chain and tries to hide it from the referee, just like wrestlers have been doing for years. However, why should he try to hide the chain? It’s clear that WCW referees aren’t going to call DQ’s unless it’s something major, so why would a chain be anything different? Some suplexes have Flair in trouble but he pops right back up for a pair of low blows. It’s time for the Figure Four but Bagwell and “Sting” come out with “Sting” ball batting Flair to give Shane the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was pretty decent until the end but the story isn’t there. I still don’t know why I’m supposed to be interested in some big challenges that Douglas made back in ECW, but I’m guessing a fan talked about it online somewhere and Russo decided that it was the hottest story in wrestling.

Bagwell and Douglas lay out Flair but he calls out “Russo” (clearly too tall to be under the Sting mask) for their five minute fight. Luger comes out to drag “Sting” to the ring but Russo pops up behind them and nails Luger with the bat. Back inside and “Sting” hits Ric with a miniature Statue of Liberty and it’s…..David Flair. A few bat shots knock Ric silly as Russo does the crotch chop like A MAN would. Nash casually walks down the ramp for the save but Daffney hits him low, allowing David Flair and Russo to stand tall. Yeah we’re supposed to be intimidated by those two and Daffney. She’s the scariest of them all.

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting, which is about both of them being creepy and Vampiro wanting to be what he thinks Sting should be. This would be the third iteration of the exact same idea on this show alone.

Vampiro vs. Sting

They start fighting on the ramp with Sting grabbing a suplex and sending Vampiro into the ring for a missile dropkick. Vampiro falls to the floor and Sting knocks him outside with a plancha. Where has this Sting been for the last three and a half years? A DDT on the floor knocks Vampiro even sillier but he comes back with a low blow. It’s lead pipe time (I feel like I’m watching Clue tonight) and Sting gets knocked up the ramp.

That goes nowhere so they come back in the ring for another pipe shot to Sting’s back. Sting hits him low to break up a hurricanrana and powerbombs Vampiro off the top. A pipe shot to the head doesn’t have much of an effect on Vampiro (this is so goofy at this point) so Sting hits two straight Splashes and Deathdrops for the pin.

Rating: D+. A lead pipe to the head was sold like a right hand to the jaw. That really should be all you need to know on this match. In case you’re keeping track, Vampiro has still only won one time under the new regime and that included Hogan attacking Kidman for two minutes straight. As usual, the old guys get to be superhuman but the young guys are getting a story and that’s supposed to mean something.

Sting hits Vampiro in the head with the pipe again.

David Arquette, dressed as Elvis for a reference from the movie, and Page are ready for the main event. Page tells him to stay away from Jarrett and play defense on the top of the cage near the belt. Don’t grab it though.

Nash is looking for Russo. Again, this should be on a TV show.

Kidman and Bischoff are ready for Hogan. Again, Bischoff went from being terrified of Hogan to volunteering to be guest referee for their match.

You can get a BUFF BAGWELL pennant for purchasing this show. Who thought that was a piece of merchandise that needed to be made?

Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

At least Kimberly and Torrie are looking great here. Hogan brings out Horace with him for reinforcement. Kidman small packages Hogan on a slam attempt to start but Hogan picks him up by the throat for a crotching on top. Hogan gets a chair and drops Kidman onto it face first, only to have Kidman come back with a hurricanrana.

Hogan really isn’t someone you picture taking hurricanranas that often. A quick beating on the floor goes nowhere so Hogan comes back in for a whipping with the weightlifting belt. Bischoff takes it away as Hudson tries to make sense of the relaxed rules jazz. Kidman whips away with the belt until Hogan wraps it around Kidman’s neck and throws him out to the floor. Hogan whips him into the barricade and Bischoff won’t count. We’re firmly in the old standard book of evil referee tropes.

Kidman comes back with a few shots to take over so Hogan sends him out to the floor again. The brawling by the announcers’ tables goes nowhere so Hogan hits the big boot but Bischoff walks in front of the legdrop. Bischoff gets sent to the floor and Hogan drops the leg. It’s chair time but Hogan tries to bring in a table, which breaks upon contact. Kidman saves Bischoff from going through the table and gets two of his own off a chair shot.

Hogan kicks the chair into Kidman’s face, kicks Bischoff low and powerbombs him through the table. That’s STILL not enough though as Hogan brings in another table, only to get kicked low. Kidman misses a splash through the table and Horace comes in to grab Bischoff’s hand and force the count to give Hulk the pin. There are so many broken tables that you can barely see the ring.

Rating: F+. Well to be fair, Hogan did let Kidman get some totally worthless pinfalls on him (which weren’t really pins) on TV that fewer and fewer people were watching so the completely over the top PPV win was completely justified. Bad match here of course as it was just another brawl in a long series of them since Bischoff and Russo took over.

Russo and Liz run away from Nash.

We recap the World Title match, which resulted in a lot of short title reigns, capped off by David Arquette coming out as champion. I’m moving on before I get even more annoyed.

WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jeff Jarrett

Arquette is defending and this is in the triple cage. It’s three cages on top of each other with the Hell in a Cell on the bottom, then a cage full of weapons on top of that and a small cage called the Guitar Room on top. You have to get on top of the Guitar Room to reach the belt. First person to get to the top and pull the belt down wins.

The cage is lowered and to its credit, it looks amazing. Jarrett chases Arquette to start but Page makes the save instead of going after the belt. Well to be fair he wasn’t that upset when Arquette won it from him last week anyway. A clothesline puts Jarrett down as Arquette stands on the part of the ramp inside the cage. Jeff baseball slides a ladder into Page’s face but Page catapults Jarrett into Arquette.

Page gets pulled face first into the post but comes back by crotching Jeff against it instead. The ladder is set up but Jarrett suplexes Page down. Jarrett is already busted open. Page shoves him off the ladder and is the first man to the hardcore cage, where he has to use bolt cutters to open the door. This is more like an obstacle course than a match. Jarrett follows him up and they’re quickly outside the hardcore cage and on top of the big cage. That’s quite the dangerous spot to be in considering they have all of five feet to fight on.

Back in the hardcore cage and they break the wall down in what I guess is the big spot of the match. Arquette watches from the bottom cage as Page powerslams Jarrett through a table in the hardcore cage. They go back out to the edge and Page elbows him in the jaw to break up an Irish whip. Arquette climbs into the hardcore cage and goes up to the Guitar Room but here’s Mike Awesome out of nowhere to break up a Diamond Cutter.

Arquette grabs a guitar as Page Diamond Cuts Mike. They both head up and Arquette misses a guitar shot, only to have both of them fall down to the roof of the hardcore cage. Both guys get back up and, say it with me, Arquette turns on Page to give Jarrett the title back.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t the worst match in the world actually, stupid ending aside. That last part is where it falls apart though: the Arquette stuff in here really didn’t need to exist. Let him be a second or a cheerleader or something but there’s no need to have him in the match itself. When you can eliminate something from a match and have it be the exact same thing, you can tell it’s a bad idea. The match itself was fun and unfortunately they never went back to this idea again (at least not in this form) because the company never had the chance again, which is kind of a shame as it’s a cool idea.

Post match here’s Kanyon to save Page from an Awesome Bomb, only to be thrown off the top of the Cell and through the ramp. The announcers scream that he’s broken his back in the shock value moment of the show, which of course is being held in the same arena where Owen Hart fell. Russo: “BUT PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT IT!” Yes they did Russo, just like when you get fired because people stopped watching your garbage.

Overall Rating: D. Let’s get the good out of the way first: this was a major improvement over the mess of Spring Stampede. It’s so much better to have ten matches spaced over two hours and fifty minutes instead of fourteen matches over about two hour and a half hours. It’s a big upgrade and the show had a much better structure overall.

Now that being said, the show still sucked because Russo has overbooked the heck out of it. Almost every match had a brawl on the floor or interference or cheating. It’s fine to have something like that a few times a match but when you have it every single time, it gets old fast. There comes a point where you stop watching the match and start waiting for the interference or cheating, which defeats the purpose of the match itself.

Overall though, this company is drowning under the one major idea. This system has almost never worked but for some reason wrestling companies keep running with them. It boils down to one problem: if you don’t like the one idea, there’s no point to watching the show. You can have one dominant story, but mix in a few other things that are disconnected to it as it keeps the fans around to see that instead of waiting on the major story to be over. This isn’t the worst show ever, but they still need to make a lot of tweaks to get this company to work again.

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Monday Nitro #238
Date: May 1, 2000
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex
Attendance: 3,635
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re officially in the David Arquette era here and people are talking about it in USA Today! Unfortunately they weren’t watching the show as this week’s ratings dropped down half a point but why should something like that get in the way of Russo’s grand vision? It’s also the go home show for Slamboree, which may or may not be an even bigger disaster than Spring Stampede. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Thunder’s title change. It says a lot when we’re a week removed from a World Title change and it’s already old news.

Opening sequence.

Page, Kanyon and Arquette arrive at the building but the New Blood is waiting on them. Cue Hogan in his car, which is driven into the side of the New Blood’s limo. A brawl ensues. This is another example of WCW trying to turn Hogan into Austin despite the two being about as different as any two people can be.

The announcers discuss the new World Champion with Madden burying the whole idea. I’ve never agreed with him more.

David Arquette is on the set of 3000 Miles to Graceland where his wife Courtney Cox tells him to stop pretending to be a wrestler. David: “Is that any way to talk to the heavyweight champion of the world?” Shoot me now. Or make me watch Ready to Rumble. I’m not sure which is worse.

Crowbar vs. Norman Smiley/???

Smiley has a fat mystery partner here and he stays a mystery by wearing hockey gear. Crowbar goes after Smiley to start and the partner stands there, making me think it’s Ralphus (there are only so many people with that kind of a gut). They fight over a trashcan before going outside with Crowbar getting in some trashcan lid shots to keep control.

As this exact same weapons match that we’ve seen a dozen times continues to bore the crowd to death, Tony and Scott argue over whether or not the mystery partner is the Shockmaster. Tony sounding sick at his stomach at Shockmaster’s name being mentioned is funny stuff. Crowbar goes after the mystery partner, allowing Norman to get in some shots with a trashcan lid. Norman gets it kicked back into his face though, allowing Crowbar to drop a splash from the apron for two.

Back inside and Crowbar’s suicide dive hits a chair. See, that’s totally different than a trashcan lid because it’s a different kind of metal weapon. Totally not the same thing. Norman’s Big Wiggle is broken up with a low blow so Crowbar does the Wiggle behind the mystery partner.

Smiley hits Crowbar in the back with the kendo stick, knocking Crowbar into a suggestive position behind the mystery partner, of course setting up the Big Wiggle from Norman. SEE! IT’S FUNNY! Back in and the mystery partner tries to do something, only to get kicked in the stomach. Norman crotches Crowbar on top though and tries a belly to back superplex, only to have Crowbar roll over for two. Crowbar grabs a rollup but Norman rolls through into a rollup of his own for the pin

Rating: D-. So far on this show, we’ve had Hulk Hogan as a crazy driver trying to kill people, a discussion of David Arquette winning the WCW World Title and ANOTHER lame hardcore match between comedy wrestlers because “well it worked in the WWF so let’s do the exact same thing here!”. I’m sick of this stupid division with its horribly repetitive nonsense and now we’re having matches not even for the title. Why do I have a feeling this show is only going to get worse?

The announcers talk about Arquette winning again with Tony calling it a great moment in sports entertainment. I know this is covering a lot of ground, but that might be the dumbest thing that Tony Schiavone has ever said.

Back to Arquette and Cox from presumably earlier today. David isn’t worried when Kurt Russell comes up. He and Courtney need to go off and do their adult  love scene. Kurt laughs off the idea of David being the World Champion so Arquette goes after him with a chair. Courtney: “YOU’RE NOT A WRESTLER!”

Shawn Stasiak is in a gym shooting a basketball. Tonight he’s going to prove he’s more than just a wrestler…….by breaking a free throw record. So, YET AGAIN, this is something that makes no sense if you weren’t watching the other company about ten years ago. Otherwise, you’re looking at a wrestler who hasn’t done much in this company proving that he can shoot a basketball.

This is a moment where the most basic question about wrestling booking should be asked: how is this going to make someone want to watch our next show or buy a ticket to come see us? We’re watching someone shooting a basketball, a minute after two actors made fun of the World Champion for not being a wrestler. How is this supposed to make me want to keep watching this show? Because it was something Curt Hennig did in a series of vignettes in another company ten or eleven years ago? If this is the best they can come up with, quit now.

Here are Arquette, Page and Kanyon with something to say. Arquette is so thankful for the fans’ reception (ignore the booing I guess) but he doesn’t deserve the title and is going to vacate it so Page and Jarrett can fight for it on Sunday. This brings out Jarrett, Bischoff and Russo, with Liz, with Jeff saying Arquette doesn’t get to just drop the title like that.

Bischoff says that Arquette became a sports entertainer (yes a sports entertainer) when he got in the ring on Thunder. So what was he when he got in the ring with Bischoff last Monday? Or can Bischoff not remember that far back? This Sunday, it’s a three way in the cage, because DAVID ARQUETTE is now the big draw instead of a triple cage, which has been ignored for most of the build towards the pay per view.

Cue Luger to go after Russo to get Liz back because this segment doesn’t have enough going on yet. Bischoff isn’t done yet either and makes Arquette vs. Tank Abbott for later tonight. Tank comes out and wants to fight now but Page gets in his way. They brawl until Tank challenges Page to a fight tonight. If he wins, he gets Arquette. Page says deal.

Luger is still looking for Russo.

Stasiak is still shooting. Alone, as in most attempts at a record.

Bischoff puts Hugh Morrus in a three way with Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. If any of Hugh’s Misfits in Action interfere, they’re all fired.

The Wall vs. Horace Hogan

It’s a tables match just because. They slug it out to start but here’s Miss Hancock to watch the match. To be fair she’s more interesting than anything in the ring. Horace actually gets the better of it with a neckbreaker and DDT, as he does in almost all of his matches that he’s going to wind up losing. It’s already table time but Kidman comes out for a distraction, allowing Wall to chokeslam Horace for the win.

Post match Hulk comes in but Mike Awesome jumps him from behind. Kidman and Wall come back in for a 3-1 beatdown and it’s table time again. So soon? Hogan gets off the table (off camera because WCW) and loads up Awesome for a superplex, only to be sunset bombed through the table instead.

Vampiro is in a graveyard and asks Sting to come and play. Curiosity killed the scorpion after all. My curiosity is why Hogan’s music could be heard in a graveyard, especially when it wasn’t playing in the arena.

Russo drags Liz to the ring and challenges Luger to come face him later. Luger is the Total Package, but that doesn’t compare to being the TOTAL MAN that Vince Russo is.

Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Non-title. Steiner stops to yell at a fan who has a Big Papa Pump Sucks sign. It’s a big beatdown on Morrus to start and Steiner adds the spinning belly to belly. Jeff covers but Scott breaks it up and starts an argument. The Stroke is broken up and Steiner suplexes Jeff, only to be clotheslined down by Morrus. No Laughing Matter misses and it’s time for the Steiner Recliner, only to have Jarrett bash Scott with the guitar. Jeff stops to pose, allowing Morrus to drape an arm over Steiner for the pin.

Lash and Chavo come out to celebrate as the New Blood…..lets them.

Sting goes walking through the graveyard as Morrus’ music plays. How he knew which graveyard to go to or how he got there in about ten minutes isn’t explained.

Bischoff fires the Misfits in Action except Lash, who is too stupid to know what fired means. Ok then.

Back in the graveyard and Sting has found Vampiro. Vampiro hits him with a shovel and knocks him into a grave. He loads up a tombstone (as in an actual stone) but stops when Sting asks what Vampiro is. Vampiro says he’s the monster Sting should be and hits him in the head with a tombstone. Vampiro adds a wheelbarrow and leaves. Sting’s hand pops out of the grave about five seconds later, because Russo can’t even wait on DEATH.

Luger is posing in front of a mirror and Flair worships him ala Heenan at Wrestlemania IX.

Tank Abbott vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Page gets punched a lot to start but survives a big right hand. They fight to the floor with Tank dominating, but let’s cut to the back because that’s what we do around here. In this case it’s Kanyon and Arquette locked in their dressing room, leaving them unable to come and help Page. Back in the arena and Jarrett sneaks out of the crowd to hit Page with a bottle. Tank hits Page in the back of the head with a right hand…..and that’s a knockout on the floor with no count. So you don’t even need a ring to win a wrestling match these days.

Page is stretchered out.

Hogan brawls with Awesome.

Here’s Kidman to soak in the praise for beating up Hogan. Hulk is all old and washed up, just like Kevin Nash. He promises not to talk anymore but then issues an open challenge. Nash is in the back and gets a pep talk from Terry Taylor of all people, meaning it’s time to go to the ring. Well Nash was in the Red and Black and Taylor was the Red Rooster so they must be related somehow.

Nash comes down to the ring and knocks Kidman across the ring with a single knee to the ribs. The big elbows have Kidman rocked in the corner but here are Konnan and Rey Mysterio to take out Nash’s knee. Kevin fights off the lowly cruiserweights and chases Konnan and Rey to the back. They jump into a waiting truck…..which can’t go anywhere because fans are waiting on them. Nash pulls them both out and beats them up again.

Russo brings Liz out again and promises to interfere on Sunday so he can beat up Flair. If Luger wins their match tonight, Luger can have the key to Liz. So she’s a door or a treasure chest? Luger and Flair come out but Bagwell and Douglas take Ric out. Security goes after Luger and maces him, allowing the Tag Team Champions to lay him out even more. Liz hits Russo with the bat and runs away, leaving Kronik to come out and destroy everyone.

Arquette wants to give the title back but Kanyon says it doesn’t work. Kanyon goes off to take care of something.

Nash is still beating up Mysterio and Konnan but stops to break the truck’s window with a crowbar.

Kronik is arrested.

Here’s Vampiro in the ring because BURYING A MAN ALIVE isn’t enough for one week. He talks about being the monster that Sting should have been but the lights go out. A crow is in the entrance but Sting repels down and beats up Vampiro with the bat.

Stasiak is still shooting.

Russo yells at Liz so she slaps him. That means she won and Russo leaves. So Russo is a MAN who likes strong women? Who will likely join him later on so Russo can get the girl?

WCW World Title: Tank Abbott vs. David Arquette

We’re really here. This isn’t a dream, it’s not a nightmare (ok it is), and this is supposed to be their big idea to get people to care, despite the fact that it looks like a recycled Friends plot…….and oh my goodness it is. One time on Friends, Monica’s (played by Courtney Cox-ARQUETTE) boyfriend fought TANK ABBOTT in a UFC fight. When I typed up the recycled Friends part, I meant it as a joke but that’s what they’re really doing. This isn’t a similarity. This isn’t close enough that it could be seen either way. This story is a copy of a Friends plot that aired three years earlier. So not only is Russo horrible, but he’s also plagiarizing.

Kanyon tries to slip David some brass knuckles but gets ejected. Tank throws Arquette into the corner and grabs him by the neck but lets him go. Abbott slams him down again and punches out the ref for no logical reason. Page’s music comes on and we see Bischoff sending Jarrett to the ring. Back in the ring and we see Page Diamond Cutting Abbott to keep the title on Arquette. Build Abbott for weeks, feed him to David Arquette. Somehow, that might not be the least insane thing on this show.

We cut to the back to see that Steiner has knocked Jarrett out.

Hennig breaks up the free throw record with one shot to go. Much like with the graveyard: how did Hennig know which gym to go to?

Hulk Hogan vs. Mike Awesome

Hogan attacks to start as the announcers hype up the idea that this is Terry Bollea. A big clothesline puts Hogan on the floor and Mike hammers away up against the barricade. Back in and a top rope clothesline gets two. That’s enough selling for Hogan as he comes back with a lame chair shot to the head and another one to the back. He chokes Mike with the weightlifting belt, followed by Awesome choking him against the barricade.

Hogan suplexes Mike on the floor and chokes even more as the announcers are admitting that this isn’t wrestling. Awesome’s chair shots stagger Hogan and they go inside for Mike’s slingshot splash for two. Hulk no sells it again and hammers away but Kidman comes in. That earns him a chair to the back as well, which draws in Bischoff. Kidman chairs Hogan off the top and Hogan puts his hand to his forehead and rakes a razor over the skin in the most obvious bladejob in the history of this business. Back in and Awesome gets the pin.

Rating: D. Why does Hogan keep getting the longest matches on Nitro? Is it in his contract or something? They were very smart to keep this as a brawl instead of making us sit through another Hogan “wrestling” exhibition. I can’t imagine Awesome’s career gets much higher than this in WCW as he’s already won a major match and that’s enough for some young diamond level prospect.

Hogan beats up Kidman, Awesome and the referee with the chair. A fan runs in but the bloodbath falls on Hogan, drawing in the New Blood for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. In addition to the plot revolving around a free throw shooting record (which you can apparently tie in about an hour and a half), Ralphus as a hockey mascot, Nash destroying the returning Konnan and Mysterio in short order, a burial that lasted about an hour, the recycled Friends plot line (I can’t get over that) that saw Tank Abbott get pinned by David Arquette and most of the matches not even breaking three minutes, a good chunk of Sunday’s card wasn’t touched on.

Sunday’s card has ten matches. Five of them got time tonight: Funk vs. Crowbar/mystery partner (that’s a stretch), Stasiak vs. Hennig, Sting vs. Vampiro, Hogan vs. Kidman and the three way for the title. The other five range from not enough time to fit onto the show to not announced yet to dropped for the sake of an unrelated story involving Vince Russo.

This show failed on almost every imaginable level. Russo is somehow getting worse week by week and it’s getting even more difficult to sit through these things. I’m not even sure what the main story is supposed to be. Is it Kidman and company vs. Hogan or Russo and Bischoff’s shenanigans or maybe the World Title feud? I’ve lost track of anything this company might be doing and I’m really not sure how they’re supposed to, but in this case it might actually get a bit better in a week once the title changes hands. For the fourth time in three weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: April 26, 2000
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 1,269
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

Before we get to perhaps the most humiliating moment in wrestling history, I need to know how you only get 1,200 people to a TV taping in 2000. Less than two weeks earlier, ECW drew 1,700 at the house show where Taz returned and won the World Title. The company is on the brink of a free fall and tonight it goes over the edge. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday. I wouldn’t bring up that show under most circumstances but tonight it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Eric Bischoff, Kimberly and Jeff Jarrett drag David Arquette into the building. They drag Arquette into the arena and Jarrett slaps on a choke while ranting about how this is Jeff’s world. Cue Page and Kanyon but Jarrett stops them with the threat of even more violence to Arquette. Well who in the world would want to see that? Tonight it’s about the revenge of the New Blood and here are the magic words: Jarrett wants a tag match for the World Title with Page/Arquette vs. Jarrett/Bischoff where the man who gets the fall is the champion.

We see Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas standing at the entrance to keep Page and Kanyon from doing anything but Team Package comes in to take them out. Kanyon chases the male villains off and Page almost gives Kimberly the Diamond Cutter but lets her go instead. That earns him a low blow because Kimberly is smarter than Page is. So why does Jarrett want a tag match instead of like a 15-1 handicap match where only he can get the pin? Or why not have Arquette defend the title in Page’s place? As usual, the script wanting one thing and ignoring plot holes or stupid thinking to get there.

The Cat is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow.

Arquette and company are in the boiler room. Again I ask: does no one watch the show and know where this is happening? Or can’t they find where the camera cable is going to make the save?

Recap of Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Cat.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Cat

Before we get going, Cat asks Bigelow for some mercy for what he did. After Bigelow attacked him at Spring Stampede, Cat had to do something. Bigelow thinks about it but Cat goes on too long (shocking I know) and insults Bigelow’s mama. Bigelow destroys him for a few moments and here’s Miss Hancock to scout. It’s chair time but the referee takes it away, allowing Cat to hit a Feliner for the pin in just over a minute.

Bigelow beats up Cat after the match because that kick was just enough to put him down for three. Keep in mind that it was literally the only offense Cat had.

Kidman and Torrie arrive. Thanks for showing up fifteen minutes into a two hour show.

Page keeps looking for Arquette.

The New Blood keeps yelling at Arquette. I was twelve years old when this show took place and I have the same question now that I had back then: why should I care about David Arquette? I hadn’t seen any of the Scream movies at this point and the only movie he’s been in other than that by 2000 that I’ve heard of is Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a supporting role. Unless I’m missing something big, he seems like a middle of the road comedy actor who they’re treating like Tom Cruise.

Chris Kanyon vs. Shawn Stasiak

Curt Hennig is out to do commentary as Shawn takes over early on. Kanyon comes back with his own basic stuff but gets caught in a fireman’s carry slam (almost an AA). Shawn takes too long posing though and gets rolled up for two, with Hennig getting in some lines about Stasiak not being very perfect. Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker but Stasiak pounds him down in the corner. Instead of following up though it’s time to go outside and yell at Hennig for a bit. Back in and Curt sneaks up to the apron for a shot to the head, setting up That’s A Wrap to give Kanyon the pin.

Hennig chases Stasiak off as Mike Awesome comes to the ring to fight Kanyon. Mike gets the better of it and powerbombs Kanyon onto the announcers’ table before going after Hennig in the ring. Stasiak gets back up but Page runs in to give him a Diamond Cutter. Jarrett’s challenge for tonight is accepted.

Here’s Kidman with his ribs heavily taped and something to say. We see some clips (in black and white for some reason) of Kidman putting Hulk through a table on Monday. Marc Mero is at ringside in front of a bunch of empty seats. Kidman takes full credit for putting Hogan in the hospital on Monday and FINALLY explains the flea market comment. It only took them two and a half weeks. Kidman issues an open challenge and Torrie promises a kiss of death to the loser.

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

Hogan comes out to American Made to tease the fans even more. Kidman gets crotched to start and drops him throat first across the barricade. Back in and a boot to the face drops Kidman again but he goes after Horace’s injured knee to take over. A hurricanrana puts Horace down as Heenan is thrilled about Hulk being in the hospital. Some things will never get old and Heenan hating Hulk is one of them.

Kidman goes up top but takes too long putting his hands to his ears, allowing Horace to avoid the top rope splash. A powerslam keeps the ribs in trouble but here’s Bischoff to ringside. Horace powerbombs Kidman clean and gets a chair but opts for a chokebomb instead. Now it’s table time but Torrie grabs Horace between the legs, allowing Bischoff to hit Hogan with a chair. Kidman bulldogs Horace off the apron and through the table, leaving Bischoff to count the pin on the floor.

Rating: C-. This was way better than it had any right to be but the stupid ending holds it back. Kidman is on fire right now but you know as well as I do that there’s almost no chance of Hulk putting him over on pay per view, making this whole thing almost totally worthless. At least Torrie looked great here.

Here’s Tank Abbott for his now twice a week call out of Goldberg. Well Ghostberg according to him. Abbott teases going after the announcers but stops at Marc Mero. Mero’s trainer gets in the ring and Mero comes in for the save, leading to a brawl with security making the save. That’s about it for Mero in WCW.

Page finds Arquette. That’s kind of a worthless story then.

Sting vs. The Wall

Tables match and Sting hasn’t washed the blood off himself yet. Sting hammers away, knocks Wall to the apron, escapes a powerslam, tries and botches a sunset bomb and the tries it again to put Wall through the table in less than a minute and a half.

Post match here’s the New Blood but Sting fights them off and gives Vampiro a Stinger Splash. Again, the New Blood looks completely inept.

Here are Russo/Bagwell/Douglas with something to say. Russo rips on the Rochester crowd because he’s not bright enough to remember that they’re in Syracuse. Buff says the same stuff he’s said about Luger for years and Shane says the same stuff he’s said about Flair for years, but at least Shane says this is a shoot. I’m sure the 24 people in the audience who know what that word means are WAY more into this now.

Cue Team Package and Flair has the microphone. Russo has some Power Plant guys guard the ring but Flair says he’s just here to talk. Hogan is the white collar champion (oh here we go) and Russo is disrespecting the legends. Flair, Sting and Luger have been going since 1985 (more like 1988 for Sting) and Russo is a mark for them. As for Douglas, the only franchise around here is Sting. Until Shane wrestles the list of men that Flair has wrestled over the years, he’ll never be Ric Flair.

If any of the three of them want to come at Team Package, they better have some, ahem, fortitude. On top of that, Flair wants a deal at Slamboree: if Russo interferes, Flair gets five minutes alone with him. Awesome speech. Now watch how Russo wastes the whole thing. Russo: “This is the part where I’m supposed to be a chicken heel.”

Russo guarantees Flair that he has big apples but Luger cuts him off and says he has Bagwell at Slamboree. Because THAT match hasn’t been done enough yet. Russo rips on the Lex Express for another reference that has nothing to do with this show. Apparently WCW owns Liz’s contract so she is going to be with Russo from now on. Security goes after her and gets beaten down, allowing Russo to kidnap Liz.

So, again, Flair does something great but Russo insists on making it all about him and how much of a MAN he is while he gets to leave with the girl because he’s such a MAN that he deserves the woman in the story. What’s the point in Flair or anybody for that matter doing something around Russo and Bischoff if the bosses are going to immediately turn it into their favor and no sell the whole thing? Hogan did it a few years back and now Bischoff and Russo are doing the exact thing. This is the kind of stuff that makes it hard to watch WCW because there’s no reason to hope it’s going to go anywhere.

Liz is put in the backseat of a car and taken away.

Paisley vs. Tammy

After Tammy takes forever to disrobe, Tony flat out says this is going to be a catfight. They slowly do bad “moves” to each other and it turns into a catfight until Tammy goes to the eyes. Tammy chokes with something and Candido chokes on the middle rope. A Stunner puts Paisley down but Tammy stops to dive on Candido, Artist and the referee at ringside. Back in and Paisley gets two off a handspring elbow. Tammy tries a northern lights suplex but gets countered into what was supposed to be a DDT for the pin.

Rating: F. These two should go learn something from the Bellas. The twins are roughly a thousand times better than these two and it’s probably a lot bigger gap than that. Total disaster here and neither of the two of them belong anywhere near the inside of a wrestling ring. This was horrible.

Candido and Tammy clean house post match.

Booker is in the back with Gene when one of Scott Steiner’s women comes in to ask what Booker plans to do against that guy from the indy circuit Mike Awesome.

Arquette wants to fight in the tag match.

Mike Awesome vs. Booker T.

Steiner comes out with his women to do commentary. Booker grabs a headlock to start but Awesome muscles him over into a belly to belly. Steiner talks about Hogan clinging to a spot, which has to mean a bald spot. There’s a spinwheel kick to put Mike down again and they head outside with Booker staying in control. Awesome comes back by sending him hard into the steps and hitting a top rope clothesline for two. He makes that look WAY too easy.

We hit the chinlock on Booker as Heenan starts sucking up to Steiner like only Heenan can do. Tony starts fearing for his life and begs anyone to talk about the match with him. Booker comes back with the kicks and a Spinarooni before going up top, only to have Steiner nail him in the back with the US Title. The Awesome Bomb is enough to give Mike the pin.

Rating: C. Awesome continues to look great and Booker is Booker, making this one of the better matches Thunder has produced in several weeks. Steiner at ringside was fine and the interference made sense for a change so I really don’t have many complaints here. I’m not sure how to react to something like that.

Steiner puts Booker in the Recliner but Chavo Guerrero, Hugh Morrus, Lash Leroux and Van Hammer make the save. The four of them plus Booker easily clean house and stand tall.

Scott Hudson has a sitdown interview with Bret Hart. Hudson asks about Bret attacking Hogan on Monday and Bret accuses Hulk of ducking him. That’s the only reason they’ve never fought. I know their match back in 1998 on Nitro was nothing great but that’s no excuse to forget about it. Hogan was willing to accept the torch from Andre but he never was willing to hand it off to Bret back in the WWF. What’s with all the references to 1993 tonight?

Hart may not be in WCW much longer due to his injuries, including a concussion. After a clip of the Goldberg kick, Hart promises to do more to make Hogan pay, but promises to put him in the Sharpshooter. This was really just a way of reminding us that Bret Hart is still alive.

WCW World Title: Diamond Dallas Page/David Arquette vs. Eric Bischoff/Jeff Jarrett

Let’s get this over with. Page is defending and whoever gets the fall is the champion. We’re not overbooked enough yet so here’s Kimberly to be guest referee. It’s a big brawl to start with the non-wrestlers fighting in the aisle. Page gets a neckbreaker so Kimberly counts one but stops due to a broken nail. A Batista Bomb gets a similar result before Kimberly counts very fast for Jeff’s rollup.

Here comes Bischoff, who says that Arquette is all done. Bischoff gets the tag as they’re actually trying to make this a match. The canned DDP chants come up as Jeff hammers on the champ in the corner. Page fights back and takes down both guys as Arquette comes back. Everything breaks down and Page kisses Kimberly for no apparent reason. Arquette spears Bischoff down as Jarrett hits Page with the title. We get a double cover and another referee comes in to count the pin on Bischoff, making Arquette the World Champion. Page is totally cool with losing the title.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to give this a rating because the rating for this doesn’t exist. I know there are other options out there and some people disagree, but this is the lowest of the low points for WCW and perhaps wrestling as a whole. This takes away the entire illusion of wrestling and screams as loud as possible that wrestling is a huge fake story.

I understand that this is a massive publicity stunt (which failed). There are all kinds of celebrity appearances in wrestling that are often used as a cheap excuse to pop a rating (which only works in certain circumstances) but most of the time, wrestling companies know where to stop. Mr. T. was in the main event of Wrestlemania, but at least Mr. T. is a tough guy who looked like he could hold his own physically. Mike Tyson got physical because he was one of the most successful boxers of all time. Neither of those is a huge stretch.

This however was clearly just saying that it’s a big work because they didn’t even try to hide how they were setting Arquette up to win. The fact that they would rather go this route instead of trying to set something up tells you most of what you need to know about Russo and Bischoff: they keep trying shortcuts to get somewhere and once they get there, it usually leads to a horrible idea.

Why should I care about any title match going forward? Why should I care if Page and Jarrett have a fifteen minute war for the belt? David Arquette can win the title in a five minute match (which they set up earlier in the night, completely defeating the point of getting people to tune in for the moment) so why should I want to sit around for a long title match?

The example I always use for how to properly use a celebrity is Drew Carey at the 2001 Royal Rumble. Carey came in, was given a spot in the Rumble (which the show made sure to point out was going to go to D’Lo Brown or Chaz otherwise, ensuring that the fans weren’t going to wonder who else could have gotten this spot, did nothing important, left without causing any damage and gave the fans a fun little moment. No one was hurt, everybody gets what they want, and it’s looked back on pretty fondly.

This on the other hand was taking a low level actor (at least the Drew Carey Show was a pretty solid ratings winner) WINNING THE WORLD TITLE. As usual, Russo thinks that the title is just a prop with no meaning behind it and if the fans disagree, that’s on them because Russo is too busy doing MANLY things to listen to their complaints. There’s no excuse for this and it’s a shame that WCW had to sink this low.

Finally, it should be noted that Arquette thought this was a horrible idea and donated his pay to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov. He seems like a nice guy who knew his place. WCW on the other hand never understood anything and managed to take the title and the business to a never before imaginable low.

Overall Rating: D. Completely destroying the World Title’s importance aside, this wasn’t the worst show in the world. The Booker vs. Awesome match worked and the Flair promo, meaning the part without Russo, was good stuff too. We’ve reached the point where a watchable five minute match between Mike Awesome and Booker T. is the high point of the week for WCW. That’s how far we’ve sunk and I’m terrified to see where this is going to wind up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #237
Date: April 24, 2000
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 7,713
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

I’m not sure where they’re supposed to go from here but something needs to change. Last week’s show was another mess to sit through as this era is starting off as a combination of boring and horrible with the bosses and Hogan being the featured attractions. Slamboree is in two weeks and the main event will be DDP vs. Jeff Jarrett in the triple cage. Let’s get to it.

We recap last week. When you cut this down to a minute, it actually makes sense. It’s really bad writing and not a good show, but you can tell what’s going on.

Sting and Vampiro are brawling in the back with Sting getting the better of it until Vampiro hits him with a pipe.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending but Bigelow attacks in the aisle with a trashcan. The Cat comes out for revenge after Bigelow beat him up at Spring Stampede but Bigelow is able to put Funk in a trashcan and beat on it with a chair. Cat comes in and kicks the chair into Bigelow’s face, allowing Funk to cover him to retain in less than two minutes.

Cat dances a bit as Madden sums up how stupid this was.

We recap Hogan being a psycho last week, leading to the end of the show where Bret was about to hit either him or Kidman. The announcers should have seen who Bret hit but they won’t actually say who it was.

Here are Kidman and Torrie with the former having taped ribs. Kidman is here tonight to show that no one wants to see the yellow and red anymore. He’ll finish this at Slamboree if Terry is there.

Bischoff and Kimberly aren’t pleased with what Kidman did.

Norman Smiley begs Russo for a chance to get the Hardcore Title back. Russo agrees, if Smiley can find a partner to make it a handicap match at Slamboree.

Here are Kimberly, Bischoff and Jarrett with something to say. David Arquette is in the front row because that is our fate. Jarrett promises to hurt Page in the triple cage at Slamboree and shows us clips of the cage from Ready to Rumble. He’ll beat Page and neglect him, just like Page did to his wife. Bischoff, on a wireless mic, says Kimberly has a gift for Page. She has some papers for him, but here’s Page in an Albert Einstein shirt of all things. Kimberly says she’s in the driver’s seat for the first time and talks about Eric opening her eyes to these stupid wrestling marks.

The papers are for a divorce but Page thinks she’s out of her mind. Page says no way but calls Kimberly some insulting names instead. He goes after Bischoff and gets a guitar to the back for his efforts. Arquette jumps the barricade to go after Bischoff and Kanyon runs in to save Arquette from Jarrett. Bischoff freaks out and says he’ll fight Arquette tonight. David agrees, but if he wins, Page gets a World Title match against Jarrett in the cage tonight.

In case it wasn’t clear enough already, this segment showed that Jeff Jarrett, the World Heavyweight Champion, is a supporting character on this show. He’s beneath the writers and Hogan, plus probably Sting vs. Vampiro. Now he’s beneath Page and David Arquette, putting the World Heavyweight Champion as the eighth most important character on this show.

Kronik demands a title shot from Vince Russo, who of course stands up to them and asks if they know who he is. They’ll get their shot if they do him a favor. This segment existed for no other reason that to remind you that Vince Russo is a MAN.

Bischoff sends Jarrett to go find Billy Kidman. The World Champion is officially an errand boy.

Chris Candido/Tammy vs. The Artist/Paisley

This could be a really long night. Tammy says she’s here to show Paisley what men want. The guys start and knock each other down in about fifteen seconds. It’s off to the women for a double cover, followed by the required catfight. Everything breaks down and Tammy dives off the top to take Paisley and Artist down. That’s the most physical she’s ever gotten and she didn’t terrible at it. Back inside and Candido clotheslines Paisley giving Tammy the pin.

Sting comes out with a Death Drop to Candido. He wants Vampiro out here tonight and why not just make it first blood.

Kanyon and Page give Arquette a pep talk.

Team Package vs. Kronik

It’s a brawl to start and here’s Miss Hancock in case you’re already bored. In case the match and Hancock aren’t enough, Buff Bagwell runs in less than thirty seconds in, allowing Shane Douglas to hit Flair with a ball bat. High Time gives Adams the pin in just over a minute.

Buff and Douglas beat down Team Package a bit more until Buff hands Adams the bat, leading to Kronik beating them down as well.

Vampiro wants to make Sting bleed from the eyes so I guess the match is on.

Bischoff gives Kidman Mike Awesome for protection against Hogan tonight. Hogan is welcome to find a tag partner if he can. Also, Bischoff is guest referee for Kidman vs. Hogan at Slamboree. So after weeks of running scared from Hogan, Bischoff is totally fine with putting himself in the same ring with him. Makes as much sense as anything else here.

Mike Awesome/Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

Kidman comes out in a Hogan shirt. Hulk comes out alone, in black pants and a black vest with F.U.N.B. on the back. Hogan hammers away at both guys to start and gives Awesome a whipping with the belt. A big boot and belly to back put Awesome down as Hogan is completely dominating him because that’s what Hogan does to someone young and full of potential. Hogan stops Mike’s comeback with a low blow so Kidman comes in to double team Hogan down.

As you might expect, Hogan fights back and we cut to a WWF Wrestling Buddy in the crowd. Awesome clotheslines Hogan down and drops a splash for two as Madden complains about the impending Hulk Up. There’s the second big boot to Awesome but Hogan drops elbows instead of going for the leg. They head outside with Hogan shoving Awesome into Madden’s face for no apparent reason. Kidman comes in with a chair to bust Hogan open as this match is getting a shocking amount of time.

It’s table time which feels as awkward and out of place in a Hogan match as wrestling does on a Russo show. Right after the powerbomb through the table, we cut to the back to see Nash coming in. Awesome puts Hogan on a second table and Kidman adds a top rope splash, followed by a legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match sucked from a technical standpoint (I’m as shocked as you are), but I’ll give them points for having the young guys win and for giving it some time. This is the kind of thing they need to do to actually get some people over, but unfortunately this is going to happen on an episode of Nitro, not at Slamboree where Hogan needs to put Kidman over. Also, at just under 11 minutes, I believe this is the second longest match of Russo and Bischoff’s tenure so far.

Nash hits the ring to clean house but Torrie hits him low, allowing Kidman and Awesome to get in their stompings.

Eric Bischoff vs. David Arquette

Again, remember that Bischoff is a karate expert and should be able to knock Arquette out in about ten seconds. Bischoff kicks him into the corner to start but David comes back with a spear, followed by the Worm for one of the loudest reactions of the night. Jarrett pulls the referee out at two and hits Page with the belt. Bischoff gets in a low blow on Arquette but Jeff guitars Eric by mistake, giving Arquette the pin.

The lights go out and Sting is watching from the rafters. This of course has nothing to do with what you’re currently watching.

One of the former NWO girls is now an interviewer (in a swimsuit of course) but can’t get in a word over Arquette’s celebrating.

Jarrett is livid.

Here are Scott Steiner and assorted women with something to say. He lists off all of the things he did last night (in rhyme because why not) and promises to floss Booker’s teeth with his shoelaces tonight. Booker comes out to explain that he only did what he did last week to make things up to Bischoff. Steiner just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The girls come up to Booker for the most obvious distraction in the history of obvious distractions. The guys brawl until it’s time for a break.

Russo tells Bagwell and Douglas that “we” have to go fight Kronik.

Tag Team Titles: Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas vs. Kronik

The champs are in street clothes here as Kronik cleans house. Shane drops Clark face first with a suplex and the fans start the boring chant. Adams helps Clark drop Shane throat first across the top rope. It’s off to Adams to clean house but Buff throws the referee over the top. Hudson: “THAT’S BULL”…..and the rest isn’t censored, freaking Madden out. Buff takes High Times but that manly man Vince Russo comes in and hits Clark with a ball bat. Shane hits Adams with it as well. Nick Patrick goes to ring the bell but Russo hits him with a bat as well. Russo counts the pin on Adams to retain the titles.

Rating: D. As we’ve firmly established over the last few weeks and tonight in particular: Nitro exists to prove that Vince Russo is the toughest and most awesome man that has ever lived and he can beat up big goons like Kronik because he’s a real man from New York and a thousand times smarter than all these stupid wrestling marks. It also proves that the real money in WCW is manufacturing baseball bats because every body has one these days.

Here’s Tank Abbott for his weekly insulting of Goldberg. Madden panicking over Abbott wanting to hurt someone tonight is some of the only funny stuff he’s ever done. Tank throws WCW.com writer Bob Ryder into the ring and Jeremy Borash (who looks identical to how he looks now) fails at making a save. Tank finally leaves.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Jarrett is defending and this is supposed to be inside a cage (complete with roof), which is why they’re already fighting in the crowd. Page hits him in the back with a trashcan but gets dropped onto a barricade. They finally get inside so Jarrett can stomp away, only to have Page whip him into the cage. Jarrett sends Page face first into the buckle and then into the cage twice in a row.

Page slugs away in the corner before the discus lariat puts Jarrett down. Cue Mike Awesome as Jarrett escapes the Diamond Cutter and counters with a DDT. There’s the Diamond Cutter but Awesome breaks into the cage. He breaks up the pin at two but Kanyon comes in and decks Awesome, allowing the referee to count the three about five seconds after the two, giving Page the title.

Rating: D. The WCW World Champion, who was crowned the chosen one eight days earlier, just lost the title in a cage match that didn’t last five minutes. Of that time, less than three minutes of were spent inside the cage. This was in addition to the two people interfering in the match, making the cage completely unnecessary. The gimmick overkill on this show astounds me more and more every single week.

Oh yeah that’s not the main event.

Vampiro vs. Sting

First blood. Sting takes too long getting unhooked from his repelling gear and Vampiro attacks, only to fight him off with ease because Vampiro is New Blood and therefore unable to win a fair fight with any old guy. Right hands and a suplex put Vampiro back on the floor. He gets on the announcers’ table and does a throat slit, causing a red liquid to fall on Sting (ripping off the Brood’s Bloodbath). Some of the New Blood comes out to beat Sting down as the fans really aren’t pleased.

The New Blood attaches the soaked Sting to the cable and hangs him from the ceiling to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This took me most of the day to sit through on and off because it really is cringe worthy. The wrestling ranges from bad to very bad, the stories are all about Russo and Bischoff, and the World Title feud is now featuring David Arquette and three title changes in two weeks. The worst part is things are going to go downhill from here, making the entire show an even bigger disaster. This show is all about Russo/Bischoff/Hogan and it’s been easy to see that since the day the new stories started. It’s getting harder to sit through these things and the worst has just begun.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Slamboree 2000
Date: May 7, 2000
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 7,165
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Since I’m running out of PPVs to do and I don’t really have many shows in WCW to do marathons with, I’ll just go chronologically but in reverse of the ones I haven’t done. In other words, I’m doing this show and then Spring Stampede from the previous month and Super Brawl from February so that I have the year 2000 complete. As for this show, it’s 2000 WCW and David Arquette is world champion. Need I say more? Let’s get to it.

 

We open with a clip from Thunder with the New Blood facing off with the Millionaire’s Club in a 22 man battle royal. The winner gets the shot at the Great American Bash. This resulted in Randy Savage returning for his final WCW appearance and Flair winning.

 

The Millionaire’s Club arrives on their bus while the New Blood watches. Old vs. New in a Bischoff company? Surely you jest!

 

Opening video is about Flair vs. Douglas which is a big feud in the mind of Shane Douglas. Oh and other old vs. new matches are here also.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Chris Candido

 

Candido is champion. Tammy does the show me thing because it’s the Show Me state. She does look decent but it’s not quite Sunny levels. Candido is New Blood as is Artist kind of. The New Blood has all titles other than the Hardcore Title which we’ll get to next review. Artist is Prince Iaukea and wrestles in a collared shirt and dress pants. They botch something to start and Candido is launched over the top to the floor.

 

Chris goes up for a big dive and lands on Artist. The fans aren’t all that interested but some of the spots look ok. There’s a ramp again and Artist goes head first into it. Piledriver out there doesn’t work and back in we go. Why did Iaukea keep getting pushed? I mean the guy was nothing special in the ring and his gimmicks never really worked nor were they anything interesting, so why did he constantly have a job?

 

Artist is sent to the floor again as this is a pretty sloppy match. By sloppy I mean it feels like they’re just going through moves with zero rhyme or reason. The moves aren’t anything interesting other than some dives which are ok at best. Back in and Candido hits a low blow to take over again.

 

Artist tries his jumping DDT off the top which misses and they do a horrible looking rollup for two. The fans aren’t pleased to say the least. Iaukea gets a Samoan Drop off the middle rope but Tammy and Paisley go at it to distract the referee. Sunny swings for Paisley with a chair and hits Artist by mistake. It gets three and the bell rings but the referee says two. Candido hits a swan dive and now it’s three. Well ok then.

 

Rating: D+. Meh is a good word here and that’s about all there is to say about it. Neither guy is anything interesting at all and the match wasn’t any good either. The botches were pretty bad and it was something resembling heel vs. heel. I have no idea what the point of the Artist was and I don’t think WCW or the fans did either.

 

Tammy gets stripped post match.

 

The announcers make fun of Arquette being champion.

 

Video of Terry Funk getting beaten up a lot.

 

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley/???

 

Funk is “the one that got away” and is the only champion who isn’t New Blood. It’s a handicap match and Funk goes to find Norman in a bathroom. Norman jumps him with a fire extinguisher which is his first brilliant idea ever. He’s in a Royals jersey and the mystery partner was in the bathroom in a catcher’s mask. Funk is getting destroyed here as Norman keeps throwing trashcans at him.

 

They break through Mean Gene’s interview area and Madden makes pitcher/catcher jokes. We still don’t know who the mystery partner is. Funk realizes he’s fighting a fat guy in a catcher’s mask and Norman Smiley so he goes on offense. Norman is doing everything here as the mystery partner is just standing there. The announcers are pointing out that he’s the worst mystery partner ever so it’s intentional.

 

Funk covers Smiley and the mystery guy is holding a trashcan. He has a bunch of clear shots and does nothing with them. They haven’t been in the arena at all yet. We even get a Bubba the Love Sponge reference from Madden. Norman is gone and Funk beats up the masked fat dude. He beats the mask out of the mystery man and it’s RALPHUS!!! There goes the shirt and Smiley has to make the save with a ladder.

 

They’re in the ring now and the fans don’t really know who Ralphus is. Oh wait I think they do now. The announcers are dying from this and to be fair it’s a comedy match so I think this is all ok. Funk is busted open by “the Hardcore Wiggler”. Norman busts out the Big Wiggle and the fans LOVE it. Now Ralphus wants to wiggle. Oh dear. Terry does the first smart thing of the match and kills Ralphus dead with a chair and rolls up Norman to retain.

 

Rating: C. It’s a comedy match and it didn’t try to be anything other than that. This is one of those matches that you know what you’re getting when you sign up for it and if you’re expecting something else you’ve totally missed the point. The fans were into the idea of this and reacted pretty well to Ralphus once they got what was going on and that’s all they needed to do. This was fine.

 

Norman and Ralphus dance post match and the fans love it. Since it’s WCW though, he was never pushed as anything for the fans because that might make them happy right?

 

Arquette gets here and says he has his own money and doesn’t need his wife’s money. Thanks for sharing?

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

 

Ok so the idea here is that Stasiak is known as the Perfect One and he’s openly stealing Hennig’s character. If Stasiak had been more talented, this could have been a decent idea. We talk about how both guys are second generation guys and that Stasiak’s dad held a version of the world title (WWF Title) but no mention is made of Hennig holding the AWA belt.

 

They trade armdrags and it’s some very basic and technical stuff to get us going. The Misfits in Action are at ringside for no apparent reason. They were fired or something but were running in anyway. Stasiak chokes him on the announce table and hits a top rope clothesline for two. The mat is echoing a lot. They go back to the ramp and Hennig can’t slam him.

 

Off to a sleeper by Stasiak and the fans think it’s boring. I can’t exactly say I disagree since this has been a pretty uninteresting match all around. They’re just going through the motions that you go through when you have a wrestling match and it’s nothing interesting at all. Hennig starts his comeback and hammers away with strikes and his back appears to be fine now. Back to the Misfits for no reason. Why do we keep cutting to them? Either way since it’s a Hennig match, he takes a slingshot into the post and the Hennigplex ends this for Stasiak. Stasiak used the Hennigplex to win if that’s unclear.

 

Rating: D. I don’t get this one. Hennig looked like a total joke and the match never started at all for the most part. It’s just boring and the crowd really didn’t care. They seemed to like Hennig and then he got crushed for the most part. This was just a step ahead of a squash, which isn’t what you expect when you have these two in the ring.

 

Scott Steiner seems mad at Russo.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus

 

Morrus says his name is now Hugh G. Rection. Oh here we go. That’s his REAL name too. Oh dear. At least we get to see Shakira and Midajah with Steiner. Steiner is champion here and hammers away in the corner to start. Rection wants to be called Captain Rection. He sends Steiner to the floor and it’s time to stall. Madden gets in his jokes like Rection is working stiff in there.

 

The girls try to distract Rection and since faces are idiots, it allows Steiner to take over again. Spinwheel kick gets two for the challenger. Top rope elbow gets no cover because as explained earlier: Rection is an idiot. The girls cheat again and crotch Rection because he was stupid enough to go up top right in front of them. Steiner goes for the elbow/pushups but instead of doing the pushups he lunges at the referee. Well he is insane you know. If you didn’t you’ll be told at least 47 times in 5 minutes.

 

A suplex gets two so Steiner yells that the referee sucks. Off to a bearhug as Steiner squeezes the life out of him. Another suplex hits and Steiner stops to argue with a fan. A pretty bad butterfly suplex/powerbomb gets no cover so Rection reverses a tombstone for another non-cover. The girls interfere AGAIN and the moonsault misses. The Recliner ends this.

 

Rating: D. This match sums up both WCW and Russo in a nutshell: it’s not a horrible power brawl but the same stuff over and over again like people needing to cover when they shouldn’t and then the girls running in every 8 seconds keeps the matches from ever getting good. That being said, there’s only so much you can get out of these two, especially when Steiner was all nuts and such. Also, the guy’s name is Hugh G. Rection. That takes me out of the match every time I hear it and that’s not what should happen in a serious match.

 

Booker makes the save post match from a bigger beating.

 

Kanyon says he’s supporting Page and that blood is thicker than water. It’s a promo about how he sees Page as a brother and he’ll never turn on him. In about three months or so, say it with me, HE TURNS ON PAGE. Keep that in mind as we get to the ending of the show because it will make you roll your eyes very hard.

 

Mike Awesome vs. Kanyon

 

This is serious Awesome and not the 70s Guy yet. Awesome put Kanyon through a table to set this up. The fans are all distracted by something else to start so Awesome hits a HUGE dive to the floor, drawing an ECW chant. Kanyon sends him into the post as there’s more energy in this match than the rest of the show combined up to this point. Kanyon hits a running front flip dive off the apron to put Awesome down.

 

Back in and Awesome hits a top rope clothesline for two. Back to the floor and Mike fires off some chair shots to put Chris down. Yes I’m on first name basis with the two dead guys. They fight into the crowd and Awesome keeps the advantage. Back in and we debate the best powerbomb in wrestling with Nash being declared the best. Back to the floor again for about the fourth time and Kanyon gets hit with a chair again. They were using “relaxed rules” at this point which meant they were trying to rip off ECW and the WWF formula in every match instead of just the main events like WWF did.

 

Kanyon crotches Mike on the top and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two. Another neckbreaker gets two. The fans are getting into this quickly. Samoan Drop into a front face drop gets two. Kanyon tries a powerbomb but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for no cover. There’s the regular powerbomb and Kanyon lands on his head. FREAKING OW MAN.

 

Awesome, probably trying to let Kanyon figure out if he’s alive or not, goes outside and pulls the pads back. Kanyon is like screw it and fights back but gets caught by a slingshot shoulder block by Awesome. He loads up the over the top powerbomb but Kanyon escapes, only to allow the American to hit a German to the American (Kanyon) and outside we go again. Awesome sets for something and here’s Nash for the run-in. The rest of the New Blood and Millionaire’s Club come in also and it’s thrown out.

 

Rating: B-. I was liking it but the constant going outside and the stupid ending hurt it a lot. This felt like the main event of Nitro rather than a definitive PPV match. These two had some chemistry together and it was a good match as a result. Keep these two in mind as they’ll be back later on to totally ruin the show in the end.

 

We recap Luger vs. Bagwell for the 8000th time. The idea here is that Russo has “stolen” Liz or something and Luger wants her back. Bagwell is the guy doing the fighting for Russo.

 

Russo tells Liz there’s a surprise coming and that Liz needs to go change her rather sexy dress.

 

Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell

 

Oh wait it’s the Total Package. Yeah screw that. Based on the entrances you would think that the stoic Luger is heel and the energetic Buff was the face but it’s WCW so why would logic be in use here? Tony: “Are Kronik the world tag team champions?” Good to see that ace journalism we’ve come to know and love from WCW. Lots of stalling to start as both guys have to pose.

 

Buff takes over and plays to the crowd too much to be a heel. Luger is supposed to be all distracted which is why he’s not destroying Bagwell early on. Then Tony messes up that whole dynamic as he says this is an even match most of the time. Lex gets a suplex for two. Luger takes over and we head to the floor. That lasts only a few moments as Buff hits a double arm DDT for two.

 

And let’s hit that chinlock! Bagwell wastes some time with that and hits a splash of all things for two. This show isn’t particularly horrible but it’s just boring. These are the worst kind of shows because it’s not something that bad but there’s nothing to get excited about or interested in at all. Camel clutch goes on to kill some more time. Bagwell does the Arn Anderson spot where he jumps out of a hold onto Luger’s knees to crotch him.

 

We cut to Russo in the back who says this is the best part. Liz runs in with a bat and whacks Russo in the knees. Good thing there was a ball bat laying around. She comes out with the bat and swings it at Buff but gets caught, allowing Buff to get a shot in at Luger with said bat. Now Liz manages to hit Buff and the Rack ends this because a professional wrestler hitting you in the ribs with a baseball bat isn’t enough to prevent Luger from throwing said wrestler onto his shoulders right?

 

Rating: D. Another pretty weak match here but the point of it was that Lex gets his chick back which was accomplished. Well that and the new feud starting up which we’ll get to here in a second. That being said, it wasn’t a good match. There was way too much stalling and the face/heel dynamic was all over the place. That’s the running theme of this show: not terrible ideas being executed badly.

 

Luger and Liz celebrate and Chuck Palumbo debuts as the New Total Package, complete with the same outfit as the surprise. What a Perfect idea that we haven’t seen before. Palumbo gets a Perfect Torture Rack to leave him there. Liz is stolen again.

 

Shane Douglas rants about Flair because Flair has caused every single one of Shane’s problems in his career. If you don’t agree, just talk to Shane because he can’t go 5 minutes without explaining it to you.

 

Shane Douglas vs. Ric Flair

 

Flair is in street clothes and gets five minutes with Russo if he wins. He insists on having the ropes opened for him because he’s world champion. Not exactly but Flair was never known for sanity. Flair even references ECW and here we go. They chop it out and Flair takes over because that’s what he does. Flair gets slammed off the top and Shane hooks a Figure Four. Shane is no Jay Lethal though so Flair makes the ropes.

 

Ric takes three low blows but chops away again. Another figure four is reversed and Flair gets a Greco Roman Ball Shot to the Franchise and we head to the floor. Flair pounds away for a bit and back inside now. Shane hits a suplex and pulls out his signature chain. Shane hits rolling vertical suplexes which were kind of cool.

 

Flair fights back with his usual stuff and kicks Douglas in the balls a lot. This lack of disqualifications is really getting old as it totally takes you out of the wrestling aspect of the show. Flair goes after the knee and goes for the Figure Four but here’s “Russo” in a Sting mask to hit him with a bat, letting Shane get a rollup for the pin.

 

Rating: D+. I hate to keep giving these not horrible matches such low grades but a lot of them just aren’t that good. The DQ stuff is really getting old because the matches turn into brawls with all kinds of low blows and chair shots and it’s not interesting after about two of them. Flair is in street clothes for no apparent reason and the interference (again) is what ends this one also, just like earlier. Not thrilled with this one at all.

 

Post match, you guessed it: more ball shots. Bagwell is here too. “Russo”, still in the Sting mask, is told to get in the ring. Luger comes out and throws him in but Russo comes up from behind and blasts Luger (who is fine apparently) with something. And “Sting” is David Flair. This would start a LONG feud where David turned on his father for being a bad father and made Russo into his dad. The five minute clock starts while Russo hammers on Flair with the bat. Here’s Nash but Daffney distracts him letting Russo, David and Daffney stand tall after some bat shots. This took way too long.

 

We recap Sting vs. Vampiro. They’re both insane and into the creepy/occult stuff and there were bloodbaths involved.

 

Sting vs. Vampiro

 

They brawl on the ramp to start and Sting hits a quick suplex to take over. Into the ring and Sting hits a missile dropkick and a big dive back to the floor. WHERE HAS THIS STING BEEN FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS??? They go to the announce table and Sting DDTs him on the floor. All Sting so far. Back in the ring and Vampiro comes back with what else, a low blow.

 

Top rope clothesline ala Kane puts Sting down and Vampy goes out to grab a lead pipe. See, this is what I’m talking about. The referee is totally cool with this due to the “relaxed rules.” What does this prove about wrestling? It’s a Russo trademark and it gets really annoying, especially after two hours of it already. They have a quick brawl on the ramp with Vampiro totally in control.

 

The fans chant for Sting so he gets hit by another pipe shot, making it about four or five times now. Vampiro goes for some punches in the corner but gets caught by something resembling a powerbomb out of the corner after, say it with me, A LOW BLOW. Sting fires off some pipe shots and then two Splashes/Death Drops and we’re done.

 

Rating: C. Sting’s athletics made this one as he looked great out there and more fired up than I remember him being in forever in this period. The idea of Vampiro trying to be the new Sting and pushing him as far as he can until Sting overwhelmed him was well done, which is why they feuded for months on end after this right?

 

DDP and Arquette (dressed as Elvis if he was a gay vampire) agree that DDP will do the fighting and Arquette goes up top to hide but he shouldn’t grab the belt.

 

Nash is going Russo hunting.

 

Kidman is with Torrie, Bischoff and Kimberly. He’s ready for Hogan tonight and Bischoff is referee.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Eric is referee here and this is Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan according to the announcers. At least Kimberly is hot as a heel. Hogan has Horace with him. This is about Hogan saying Kidman couldn’t headline a match at a flea market so Kidman is all annoyed. Kidman got three fluke wins but this is the blowoff. And never mind Horace as he’s thrown out. Hogan ducks coming in and Kidman takes over.

 

They mess something up and Kidman gets a small package for two. You know for as big as Hogan is, it’s kind of weird to see him against someone that isn’t either as big or almost as big as him. And hey there’s a chair which Kidman is dropped onto ribs first. Hogan is in street clothes (kind of). Here’s something you don’t see every day: Hogan taking a hurricanrana.

 

They go out to the floor and Hogan sends Kidman into the railing to keep up the offense. Kidman sends Torrie into Hogan to shift things back again. It’s weight belt time but Eric steals it and has it “stolen” by Kidman. The fans are behind Hogan here at least. Hogan is like screw this and hits a hip toss over the top. Kidman knows how to bump very well so the flying all over the place makes Hogan’s power look great.

 

Back in Eric won’t count. Belly to back gets no count. Kidman avoids some elbows and stomps away. The idea of Kidman not being able to really hurt Hulk is the right idea because Hogan can’t be hurt by monsters so why should he here? Hogan realizes he’s fighting Billy Kidman and goes for the finish but Bischoff gets in the way of the legdrop. There’s a chair for Bischoff and Hogan gets a pair of tables from under the ring. One of them is broken so Hogan sets it against the ropes.

 

Out of nowhere though Kidman gets in a chair shot and Hogan is busted. To be fair the fans are completely behind Hogan here so the comeback is the right way to go. Kidman misses a chair shot and down goes Bischoff. Hogan puts Eric through a table and here’s a third piece of weak wood. Mark: “WHO PUTS ALL THESE TABLES OUT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE???” Kidman gets a low blow in and puts up another table but the splash through it misses and Hogan gets the easy pin with Horace popping up to move Eric’s hand for him.

 

Rating: C+. Hulk Hogan just had the second best match of the night in 2000. I’m as shocked as you are. It’s not bad here as while it’s a huge mess, that’s the point of a gimmick match and it worked pretty well here. Kidman never went anywhere after this but the match wasn’t all that horrible and it’s fun to see Hogan do something other than a power match.

 

Russo runs from Nash.

 

We recap Jarrett vs. Page vs. Arquette which started with Jarrett getting Kimberly to turn New Blood and let Jeff win the title. Page got the title back so Jarrett took Arquette hostage, resulting in the most ridiculous thing in the history of wrestling: David Arquette won the World Heavyweight Championship. He tried to put it up in the cage match and vacate it but Bischoff made it a three way for no apparent reason.

 

Jarrett says he’ll win.

 

WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

It’s a triple cage match where the bottom is like the Cell and there’s a hardcore cage on top of that, which has a bunch of weapons on it. On top of that there’s a cage with a bunch of guitars around it with a cage a single person can fit into. The belt is hanging from the ceiling above that cage which has to be climbed to pull the belt down. It really is an impressive looking structure.

 

While the introductions are going on, a few things should be noted about Arquette: he didn’t want to do this but Russo insisted it was a brilliant idea. Second, every dollar he made from this he donanted to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov (recently paralyzed in a match). Before I forget you have to use a ladder to get to the second cage through I’m guessing a trapdoor.

 

The bell rings and Arquette runs. Well at least he’s thinking. Basically you’ll get Page vs. Jarrett for the majority of the match which means it’ll be decent enough. Page gets a clothesline in the ring and calls for Arquette to go up to the top where he misses a splash. Page tries to get a ladder but Jarrett hits a baseball slide to send Page into the cage again. And down goes David as Page sends Jarrett into Arquette into the cage.

 

Page posts Jeff and goes for the ladder and ultimately the second cage. Jarrett is busted open but manages to suplex Page off the ladder. The ladder is in the corner and not set up so both guys are sent into it as is the ladder match custom. Jeff brings in a second ladder and they both start climbing. Page knocks him off and is in the second cage first. Jeff follows quickly and instead of just going through the door he grabs a weapon and gets caught.

 

The floor of the cage they’re in is made of the top of the other cage and has wide spaces, making it easy to slip in. Page is busted also and Jarrett tries to climb the wall, only to get caught. They ram each other into the cage wall and it falls down. Keep in mind they’re on top of something the size of Hell in a Cell. This isn’t exactly on the mat and almost falling to the floor.

 

Hey, I have a great idea! LET’S SET UP A TABLE ON TOP OF A CAGE WITH BIG HOLES IN THE FLOOR! Page gets something like a powerslam through it and both guys are down. The floor is pretty weak but it’s not as bad as a scaffold match. Arquette hasn’t been seen in about five minutes. There he is and here he comes. Arquette goes to the top of the hardcore cage and is totally alone, meaning he could easily retain the title. Since he doesn’t, you might as well hold up a big sign saying SHOCK HEEL TURN.

 

Page sets for a Diamond Cutter on Jarrett on top of the Cell (they’re outside the hardcore cage so it’s almost like the moat of a castle if that makes sense) but Mike Awesome pops in to break it up. There’s a Diamond Cutter for him and Arquette is on top of the third cage. Page and Jarrett go up and head into the guitar room. Jarrett misses a shot as does Page. He hands one to Arquette to play defense with and as both wrestlers climb, say it with me, ARQUETTE TURNS ON PAGE. Jarrett wins the title.

 

Rating: B. Above all else, this match shows the fundamental flaw in Vince Russo’s style: this was a good match and there was zero reason for Arquette to be involved at all. As explained during the match, Jarrett was mad at Page because Page was in Ready to Rumble and he wasn’t. They met in a tournament final at the previous PPV for the title with Jarrett winning and then Page got the belt, making this the blowoff match.

 

DDP vs. Jarrett in a big gimmick cage match (from the movie so it makes even more sense) is more than ok for a PPV main event. They have chemistry together too so the match was going to be pretty good at least. But for Russo that’s not enough so he adds in David Arquette, making it look like any guy off the street (which for Arquette is true from a physical standpoint) can win the title. The title looks bad and instead of WCW having a match that looks like it’s even more crazy and awesome than Hell in a Cell, this match is remembered for David Arquette coming in as world champion. Just let the wrestlers wrestle.

 

Post match Awesome sets for a powerbomb off the cage but Kanyon makes the save. Then Awesome throws Kanyon off the cage and through the ramp, making the announcers all stoic like he’s dead. The shot of Kanyon laying motionless ends the show.

 

Did I mention this is the arena where Owen Hart fell to his death less than a year before this show?

 

Overall Rating: D. This is one of those really hard ones to grade. They’ve done such worse shows that you really can’t call this their worst. Even though most of the matches were pretty weak they were trying and there’s certainly a coherent story to the show. It’s not a good shot to put it mildly but it goes by quick and nothing is atrocious. Most of the bad matches would have been better if the “relaxed rules” hadn’t been in place. This isn’t horrible but other than the main event there isn’t much to see here at all.

 

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