Smackdown
Date: December 19, 2002
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the last pay per view of the year and that means we only have two Smackdowns left. The big story on the Smackdown side is Kurt Angle becoming the new Smackdown World Champion, having defeated Big Show in a match that was way better than it had any right to be. That puts us on the road to the Royal Rumble, where Chris Benoit might be the new #1 contender. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s tag match with Big Show pinning Angle and then Angle winning the title thanks to Brock Lesnar’s help. This eats up over three minutes.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Angle, with a belt that still says Big Show, to open things up. He lists off his accomplishments but this title win was different. Angle isn’t sure if he could have won the title without Lesnar so he’d like Brock out here now. Cue Brock to one heck of a reaction. Angle agrees to give him a shot at the title anytime, any place. That’s what Brock wanted to hear because he wants his shot tonight. Actually that doesn’t work for Kurt though because he has a non-title match with Chris Benoit. Lesnar will get his title shot next week though, which Lesnar begrudgingly accepts.

Big Show is livid about Lesnar getting the first shot and rants to Paul Heyman about it. Don’t worry though because Heyman has a fan. Again, this takes way too long to accomplish something very simple.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

Non-title. Eddie goes right for him and grabs a belly to back suplex to take over. A very fast tilt-a-whirl backbreaker looks to set up the frog splash but Kidman bails away and hits an enziguri. The BK Bomb gets two and the shooting star connects, only to have Chavo pull Kidman away. That’s not a DQ for no apparent reason though and Eddie grabs a Gory Bomb for the pin.

Matt Hardy walks into Stephanie’s office to explain the concept of MF’ers (Mattitude Followers). She’s worried that he won’t be able to face Lesnar tonight but Matt is ready to go.

John Cena vs. Chuck Palumbo

Cena’s rap calls the Buccaneers a rather surprising slur which rhymes with beers. The announcers start talking about the Torrie/Dawn Marie footage as “Bling Bling Buchanan” gets in a few shots on the floor. Cena grabs a seated full nelson (it’s better than the same old chinlock over and over) but Palumbo fights up for the comeback. A belly to belly sets up the discus punch and Chuck heads to the top, only to have Cena roll through a high crossbody and grab the trunks for the pin.

Chuck punches Cena out but gets hit by Buchanan’s change. Cue Rikishi for the save because THIS STORY IS STILL GOING!

We get a long, LONG recap of the build to Torrie/Dawn in the hotel room (same as the one from Sunday I believe) and then see about ten seconds, all of which we saw at the pay per view.

We get a sitdown interview with Torrie at her mom’s house in Idaho where she says she’s more proud than anything else. She’s willing to do anything for her father but he’s the one person she’s embarrassed her. As for being a sexual predator, she’s certainly a sexual person, but Dawn is going to find out what kind of a predator she can be. Cue Dawn and Al as Cole suggests that Al has no idea what’s going on. You mean getting to be with a woman WAY out of his league who doesn’t seem to mind being with him in exchange for tormenting his daughter? I still don’t quite get how Al is hurt in all this.

Anyway Dawn calls Torrie a nymphomaniac and says her relationship with Al is sacred. They never run out of things to say and enjoy their late night encounters. She’s never seen a more handsome and virile man than her “Al-sy Wal-sy.” The wedding will be here on Smackdown in two weeks. Torrie storms off because they deserve each other.

Raw Retro: Rock challenges Hogan. That’s one heck of a moment.

Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy

This is over Brock throwing Matt, who has wrestled in 44 states, through a wall. However, Matt comes out holding his good eye and has Shannon Moore tagging along. We’ve got a substitution due to Matt getting something in his good eye, rendering him temporarily blind.

Brock Lesnar vs. Shannon Moore

Brock wastes no time in belly to bellying Shannon OVER THE TOP AND DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR in one of the sickest landings you’ll ever see. Moore somehow doesn’t have a broken leg as he takes the F5 for the pin in less than a minute. Great bump to go with the complete destruction.

Blind Matt gets beaten down as well.

Stephanie tells Angle to clear this up or she’ll do it herself.

Here’s Angle to explain whatever it is that Stephanie was talking about. Angle talks about having integrity and if it were up to him, he’d face Angle and Benoit in the same night. He has a lot on his plate though and he needs good representation. That’s why he’s now represented by……Paul Heyman.

Paul comes out for a hug and says no one should be surprised by this. There was no way Lesnar was ever getting close to the title again and Heyman made sure of it. The plan started when Angle suggested he could get Lesnar’s suspension lifted and Heyman convinced Stephanie to let Brock come back. Angle played Lesnar like a violin (How?) and now the Angle vs. Lesnar match is postponed indefinitely.

Cue a livid Big Show to yell at Heyman and glare at Angle. Heyman says Show isn’t dumped because Show is still his favorite client. To make it up to him, Show can have a shot next week. Kurt isn’t happy but Heyman says it’s cool as long as either of them is champion. Just keep it away from Lesnar you see.

Ok……I need a minute on this one. So Heyman worked together with Show to get the title off of Lesnar and then signed Angle as an insurance policy to give him more leverage to keep the title away from Brock? Ok, fine. And Angle had to get Lesnar’s suspension lifted because Angle couldn’t beat Show on his own? If that’s not it, I have no idea why Lesnar had to be reinstated. Why would Heyman want him back in the first place?

I’m not really sure I get the idea. I guess Heyman thought Angle could beat Big Show so he bought Kurt off before he could, but Angle could only do it with Lesnar’s help? Show can beat an injured Lesnar with Heyman’s help but it takes Angle/Lesnar to beat Big Show? I’m probably missing something in there because this is already far beyond how complicated it needs to be. Just have Show vs. Lesnar go to a double DQ at Survivor Series and then do a triple threat so Angle can take the title from Show and announce Heyman’s plan after. Either way, it sets up an eventual Angle vs. Lesnar match and that’s just glorious sounding.

Bill DeMott/Crash vs. Jamie Noble/Nunzio

DeMott is teaming with Crash because he respects Hardcore Holly. Bill beats on Nunzio and then pulls Jamie in to beat on him as well. A release German suplex sends Noble flying and DeMott makes him tag Nunzio back in. Noble is thrown into Nunzio in the corner and a powerbomb sets up the moonsault to put Jamie away. Crash was never in. So Nunzio debuts one week and gets squashed the next by BILL DEMOTT. I’m so glad to know this show has a plan for everyone.

DeMott beats Crash down as well.

Edge is ready to beat up A-Train again tonight.

Edge vs. A-Train

A-Train charges straight at him to start but Edge slips out of a gorilla press. It’s already time to go after the knee though as A-Train lays on it and then grabs a half crab. Back up and Edge hits an enziguri followed by a missile dropkick due to the bad knee. The bicycle kick gives A-Train two and it’s right back to the half crab. The chokebomb is broken up and Edge spears him for the pin.

Rating: D. This was as good as A-Train doing half crabs for five minutes was going to be. I still don’t get the idea behind pushing him like this but it seems to be time for the big guys to get their pushes. Edge sold the leg well enough but there’s only so much he can do in a story like this.

Josh Matthews recaps Angle vs. Lesnar and it still doesn’t make a lot of sense. Lesnar comes in and says his state of mind is a good question.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Non-title. Benoit takes him to the mat for an early hammerlock and a very fast armdrag. They head outside with Benoit chasing him back inside for the first suplex. Angle gets in his own overhead belly to belly as the announcers marvel at Heyman’s brainwashing abilities. Heyman even gets in a belt shot to Benoit for two and it’s time to trade some chops. A chinlock keeps Benoit down for a bit and a release German suplex drops him again.

Angle is right backup but a double clothesline puts both guys down. It’s Benoit up first with the seven rolling German suplexes, causing Heyman to put his head in his hand, as if he knows there’s nothing that can be done at this point. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface but Big Show lumbers down for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Good match as usual but you could see the ending coming from a mile away. They’ve done this match too often lately though and it’s starting to get tiresome. It’s still entertaining but there are other options out there. Put Angle in there with Edge (because Heaven forbid we don’t get the A-Train match in there) or anyone else to save Benoit for later.

Lesnar runs in for some suplexes but gets beaten down as well to end the show. My only other thought here: Heyman reminds me of Louie De Palma in far too many ways.

Overall Rating: D. Really big step down here as this whole thing was about two stories with a few other matches filling in the rest of the time. The Heyman stuff is more complicated than it needs to be and the Dawn/Torrie stuff is clearly going nowhere. If you’re over fourteen years old here, you know you’re never going to see more than you saw at the pay per view and after that you have whatever disaster the wedding and ensuing match are going to be. This really wasn’t a good show and Smackdown should be better than what they did here.

 

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Armageddon 2002
Date: December 15, 2002
Location: National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Florida
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

In case you didn’t get this from the Raw’s leading up to this show, this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn Michaels. It’s so much about them that we’re seeing them fight three times so HHH can win the title for the second time in just over three months. Oh and we might see Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie’s, ahem, home movie. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has Freddie Blassie quoting the Bible about Armageddon, followed by The End Is Here playing over shots of bombs and missiles. And various wrestlers of course. That’s not disturbing whatsoever.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm vs. Goldust/Booker T. vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

Jericho and Christian are defending, Booker/Goldust are having issues believing they should keep teaming, the Dudleys are REALLY fired up to be here, Regal and Storm are on a roll and this is under elimination rules. Got all that? Storm forearms Bubba down and actually gets the better of a quick slugout, only to have Bubba shout DIE CANADIAN SCUM and hit a corner splash.

Goldust comes in to uppercut Regal but the champs take over in the corner. That goes nowhere either so Bubba comes in for some stereo Flip Flop and Flying into the Bionic elbows in a somewhat odd visual. Everything breaks down and Christian eats 3D but Regal tags himself in. A small package (and an ugly one at that) gets rid of the Dudleys (with JR not being clear on what happened), followed by a Goldust rollup to get rid of Storm and Regal to put us down to two. Or what it should have been in the first place without the extra five minutes being a waste of time.

The Hart Attack with the side kick instead of a clothesline drops Jericho with Christian making the save. Goldust misses a crossbody and falls to the floor, where Jericho sends him into the steps. We settle into the regular tag formula with Christian putting on an abdominal stretch, followed by a double stomping in the corner. JR explains the concept of cutting the ring off, which isn’t something you hear explained that often. Perhaps because it’s rarely done outside of a Revival match anymore.

Goldust finally catches christian in a sidewalk slam and it’s off to Booker with a very nice pop. The Walls are countered into a small package for two but the second attempt works better with Booker in a lot of trouble. Goldust comes in with a bulldog for the save, followed by crotching Christian on the top. A missile dropkick gives Booker two but Jericho gets in a belt shot. The Lionsault is good for two but Booker grabs the Book End for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. So the first two eliminations really didn’t need to happen and those teams could have been added to the show in their own match. Goldust and Booker FINALLY winning the titles is the right call and they went about as far as they could before getting the belts. I would have had Goldust get the win to prove he’s not the weak link but just getting the win is all they needed to do.

Booker tells Goldust that he’s not a weak link.

Brock Lesnar asks Josh Matthews who he is and says he’ll make an impact in the Big Show vs. Kurt Angle match.

Edge vs. A-Train

Edge has a bad knee coming in and is here to defend Rey Mysterio’s honor. A-Train shoves him into the corner to start before catching a crossbody with ease. Thankfully Edge tries to speed things up, only to get shoved into the barricade for his efforts. A charge only hits post though as the fast start continues. Back in and A-Train gets two off a powerslam before it’s off to the chinlock less than four minutes in. Edge makes his comeback as this is feeling more and more like a TV match every second.

The half nelson faceplant gives Edge two and the announcers keep calling A-Train Albert. A super spinning Edge-o-Matic gets two (with Edge pulling the trunks WAY too far up in the front) but A-Train bicycle kicks him out of the air for two. It’s chair time but Edge gets in a baseball slide to knock it away. The chokebomb gives A-Train two and the spear gives Edge the same, only to have A-Train chair Edge in the knee for the pitiful DQ.

Rating: D-. I really need more from this on a pay per view as this felt like the match to set up the pay per view rematch. A-Train just hitting him in the knee for the ending doesn’t work and certainly doesn’t help him. Unless Edge is taking time off thanks to a big post match attack, I really don’t get this one.

There’s a post match attack, but it’s Edge unloading on A-Train with the chair as his knee looks fine. What in the world was the point of this?

Big Show wants to go yell at Stephanie but Heyman talks him out of it, making Stephanie sound like a mob boss who would have Show sleeping with the fishes if he dared cross her. Heyman promises to take care of things.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

The announcers basically call this a #1 contenders match though that’s not official. Eddie takes him to the mat and works on the leg as we hear about their very long history together. It’s off to a headlock on Benoit, who manages to tie their legs together to keep Eddie in check. A suplex sets up a chinlock on Guerrero but he reverses into a shortarm scissors as they’re keeping it on the mat so far.

Benoit powers out in that Bob Backlund display that looks less impressive every time a smaller guy does it. Eddie keeps it on the mat with a headscissors and the fans think it’s boring. I’m sorry they’re not big, bald and hairy but try to let something fresh into your wrestling minds people. Eddie sends him outside for a good looking dive before working on Benoit’s knee back inside.

A variety of leglocks have Benoit screaming in pain but he finally pops up for the rolling German suplexes. Benoit gets all the way to seven before Eddie reverses into four German suplexes of his own. The frog splash is good for two and Eddie gives a great stunned look. They both fall out to the floor with Eddie getting back in first, allowing Chavo to run out with a belt shot to the back of Benoit’s head. That’s only good for two as well, more or less guaranteeing that Benoit is winning here.

A modified Lasso From El Paso sends Benoit straight to the ropes, allowing him to pop up with a heck of a powerbomb. More Chavo interference fails and Benoit hits the Swan Dive, which Eddie mostly no sells for another Lasso. Benoit will have none of that though and reverses into the Crossface. Eddie goes for the ropes so Benoit switches arms and rolls into the middle of the ring to make Guerrero tap.

Rating: A-. Were you expecting this to be anything other than great? You have two guys this talented and this familiar with each other with over sixteen minutes on pay per view so of course it’s the likely match of the night. I know they can do this stuff in tag matches but it’s refreshing to have them just do a great singles match. Benoit was the pretty clear winner here but Eddie was more than up to the task here. That switching of arms at the end made Benoit look even better though and he more than deserves a title shot at this point.

Paul Heyman comes in to Stephanie’s office and talks about how much he’d love to sign Benoit. Stephanie doesn’t want to hear it because Lesnar’s suspension is already lifted. They talk about the integrity of the title with Stephanie saying we’ll have to wait and see what Lesnar does tonight. This has been a commercial for the show you’ve already paid for.

Long recap of Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson. Dawn decided to marry Torrie’s dad, presumably to get to Torrie. It turned out that she just wanted to sleep with Torrie so she offered to call off the marriage for one night for her. Of course it was filmed and Dawn is threatening to show the tape tonight because Torrie enjoyed it. That would be the worst thing ever for some reason you see.

Here are Dawn and Al, who has no issue with any of this for some reason. Or maybe he’s miserable. You never can tell with him. Anyway Dawn recaps things again and says Torrie isn’t here tonight before showing the footage. After seeing everything we saw on Smackdown (twice now) before we get to the new stuff. Dawn gives her champagne and eats a strawberry before unzipping Torrie’s leather jacket revealing…..pretty much the same kind of outfit Torrie would wrestle in.

Dawn takes off Torrie’s skirt to leave Torrie in her lingerie before taking off her own robe. She whispers that men can’t give Torrie what she can. They kiss and Torrie seems to be getting into it but Dawn says freeze the footage. She tells Al that we’re going to keep going so we see more kissing before Al stops it for good. Dawn promises they can make their own tape to make up for it and we’re done. This ate up about ten minutes and was every bit the waste of time you would expect it to be.

Kane vs. Batista

Batista has Ric Flair in his corner but gets dropped by an early neckbreaker. An elbow gives Kane two but Batista hot shots him onto the ropes. Kane fights back but gets sent outside where he beats up Flair for fun. Back in and Kane boots the rookie down but the top rope clothesline misses. The Batista Bomb doesn’t work though and Kane hits him low for a rather heelish move. The spinebuster gives Batista two but he walks into a chokeslam. Flair comes in for a distraction though, allowing the Batista Bomb to put Kane away.

Rating: D-. This wasn’t just a bad match but it felt like it belonged on a TV show instead of a pay per view. Batista looked lost for the most part with the fans giving up on the match after he couldn’t pick Kane up for the powerbomb. On top of that it was basically a handicap match with Flair involved, which makes for a really bad use of time.

Here are John Cena and B Squared (yes Squared again instead of Two) to rap about how awesome they are and how it doesn’t matter who they tick off. Marcia Brady is mentioned as well. This took less than two minutes.

We recap the women’s triple threat match. Victoria took the title from Trish Stratus at Survivor Series and then Jacqueline beat Victoria in a non-title match on Raw because SHE’S FROM TEXAS AND ALL TOUGH AND STUFF LIKE THAT. Now we’re having a triple threat for the title.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending. It’s a brawl to start with Jackie being sent outside as Jerry wonders if Victoria is horizontally accessible. A superplex drops Trish with Jackie stealing two as you can hear JR getting annoyed at Lawler’s jokes. The challengers make a wish on Victoria’s legs and send her outside, leaving Trish to hit a neckbreaker on Jackie. The Chick Kick drops Jackie again but Trish takes WAY too long covering, followed by a slow count, which really screams blown save. Victoria grabs the title and hits Trish, setting up the pin on Jackie to retain.

Rating: D+. They were trying here but Jackie didn’t need to be involved and the timing really hurt things here. Trish vs. Victoria is one of the better feuds they’ve had in a long time but they’ve pretty much reached the peak of the feud. We’re pretty much just waiting for Lita to come back at this point and that makes things a bit hard to sit through.

Victoria steals Trish’s hat.

Angle keeps trying to convince Lesnar to be in his corner, including promising him retribution if Brock joins him. We see the end of the Survivor Series title match but Lesnar still won’t say anything.

We recap Big Show vs. Kurt Angle. There isn’t much to talk about though as Show won the title four weeks ago and Angle won a four way to earn the title shot. Lesnar was suspended for a few weeks in a side angle that added absolutely nothing to this, aside from giving us more Stephanie TV time.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

Angle is challenging and there’s no Brock to start, meaning he’ll be the official run-in. Show easily tosses him down to start so Angle tries a front facelock. That just earns him a toss over the top and right onto Heyman, but the distraction allows Angle to dump Show out to the floor. Back in and Show continues his dominance with a clothesline and suplex as Angle can’t get anything going so far.

The match is so one sided that Cole gets to list off all of Big Show’s measurements that you’ve probably memorized over the years. The Final Cut gets two as the fans chant USA with Tazz pointing out that Big Show is an American too. We hit the bearhug that you knew was coming until Angle bites his way out. Angle chokes him down and gets most of a tornado DDT to put both guys down. Tazz: “Big Show is the same size as Kurt Angle right now!”. That line still drives me crazy and it’s even worse when they’re both down.

Angle dropkicks the leg out and a good looking missile dropkick gives Kurt two. The moonsault press only has Angle’s feet hit Show in the head and the Angle Slam is good for two. The ankle lock goes on in the middle of the ring and the kickoff sends Angle into the referee. You can see a lot of the crowd looking towards the entrance as the Brock chants start up. Heyman throws in a chair which goes upside Show’s head for two with the kickout wiping the referee out again. Cue A-Train to break up the ankle lock but here’s Brock to F5 Show to give Angle the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. This was watchable because they had Big Show laying around for about a third of the match but it could have been FAR worse. At least they did the smart thing by giving the title to one of the hot acts who can have a great match with just about anyone, thereby opening the doors to a ton of fresh opponents, including Lesnar down the line. It’s not good but this could have been a disaster, so we’ll call this a success.

Rob Van Dam is at the World and picks Shawn to win.

Long recap of HHH vs. Shawn Michaels. They hate each other, they beat each other up, now it’s three matches for the price of one because we need that much HHH in our lives. This is 2/3 falls with the first fall being a street fight, the second being a cage match and the third being a ladder match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is defending and HHH’s right quad, as in the leg that he didn’t tear, is taped up. Shawn has that weird sleeves made of mirrors thing that he wore at the 1997 Royal Rumble. To be fair he’s the only one who could pull that off. Before the bell, the referee ejects Flair because THIS IS THE KIND OF IMPORTANT MATCH THAT NEEDS TO BE FAIR!

Shawn hammers away to start and skins the cat before baseball sliding HHH into the barricade. A plancha misses though (with HHH not really moving so I’m not sure what Shawn was aiming at, save for maybe a trashcan that HHH had pulled out) and HHH is limping less than two minutes in. Shawn’s second dive hits the trashcan (at least it was from the ropes instead of over them so it was a different spot) but HHH can’t follow up.

Instead Shawn grabs a table but has a trashcan kicked into his face. HHH’s limping is getting worse and since this is getting AT LEAST half an hour, we could be in for a very long night. HHH sets up a second table next to the one Shawn loaded up but gets suplexed back inside for two. The jumping knee with the bad leg knocks HHH down as well and I get more and more worried about how bad this could get.

It’s time to start in on Shawn’s back but Shawn gets in a side slam to drive HHH through the chair in a smart counter. They head outside again with Shawn working on the back despite THE BIG BANDAGE ON HHH’S LEG. Even Lawler is pointing out the lapse in thinking so you know it’s bad. HHH blocks the superkick and twists the knee around, meaning they’re both working on the others injured body part. A chop block sets up the standing Flair working on the leg package, capped off by the Figure Four.

Shawn turns it over after nearly two minutes in the hold so HHH goes with a trashcan lid to the head for two instead. They head up the aisle with HHH sending him into the set before finding the barbed wire 2×4. HHH isn’t done though as he lights it on fire first. Shawn takes it away though and hits HHH with it, drawing some blood. It had better given that it’s a flaming 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire.

Back to the ring with HHH on his feet despite being hit in the head with something that should have killed him. HHH plays Raven with a drop toehold to send Shawn into an open chair but the Pedigree is countered with a low blow. Not that it matters as HHH hits the bad knee and gets the Pedigree for the first fall.

The cage is lowered and it’s pinfall or escape (I’m assuming Fink forgot to say submission but JR doesn’t say it either). Before the cage is all the way down, HHH throws in some more weapons, including a table and chair. One heck of a chair shot knocks Shawn sillier and the table is set up in the corner. Shawn gets catapulted into the cage and both guys are busted. The pace gets even slower and Shawn hammers away with right hands. They fight up to the top of the cage and here’s Flair back at ringside because why not.

Ric sets up two more tables on top of the original two as they slug it out on the top without much going on. There’s no big crash though as they go back inside with HHH getting crotched on the ropes. The top rope elbow seems to suggest that Shawn’s knee is much better in a hurry….and Flair is in the cage because the referee is incompetent. Shawn cuts him off and chairs both guys in the head, naturally making Flair bleed as well.

With Shawn beating up Flair, HHH walks away from the open door (some cerebral assassin) and it’s back to back superkicks to drop the villains. The stupidity continues as Shawn doesn’t cover or run out of the cage but rather sets up another table (that would be five I believe). A splash off the top of the cage drives HHH through the wood and ties things up. So now it’s a ladder match with both guys basically dead.

A very bloody Flair is helped out as the cage is raised and Shawn gets a ladder. Various ladder shots (which Lawler says is like being hit by a car) have HHH in even more trouble and Shawn suplexes him onto the ladder for good measure. The ladder is set up in the corner but Shawn misses the huge splash, landing right on his face.

HHH gets in a weird Pedigree as he has to stretch the bad leg out so it doesn’t slam into the mat. The fans are busy looking at something in the crowd as HHH makes the slow climb. That’s broken up but Shawn’s slow climb is countered with a shove through the tables, allowing HHH to climb up and regain the title.

Rating: C-. This is a really, really hard one to grade but let’s get the big problem out of the way first: there was no reason to have this be more than one fall. Either do a street fight (which was boring but watchable) or one of the other two but the whole three falls thing was ridiculous with the ladder match not even breaking eight minutes. The cage match was basically a continuation of the street fight with just one attempt at escaping, plus Flair just walking into the cage, making it a complete waste of time. HHH looked horrible out there but Heaven forbid we don’t cater to him, bad leg or not.

There’s a good match in there somewhere, but it only works with HHH on two good legs. On top of that, this needed to be cut in half. It’s just under forty minutes total and easily could have been about twenty with every bit as much effect. Shawn looked passable but old, which isn’t exactly the best combination in the world. The match could have been better but with what they were going for here, it’s a pretty hard disappointment. In other words, cut out HHH’s ego and it’s probably far better.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty solid surprise with a few good matches (and one great one) but there’s also a lot of really bad stuff dragging that right back down. The Dawn and Torrie stuff really started bringing the show down as it’s not only stupid but fairly worthless to anyone with the internet at that point. You can see almost anything you want so two women in lingerie isn’t quite enough.

The problem is the rest of the show takes a big dip after that with the best match probably being Angle vs. Big Show, mainly due to it not being forty five minutes counting intros. The first half of the show is better but it hits a hard wall and there’s really no recovering from that point on. I was expecting a disaster though so this was a good bit better than I thought I’d get.

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Smackdown
Date: December 12, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the final stop before the final pay per view of the year and there are two major stories at the moment. First up we have Kurt Angle becoming the new #1 contender to Big Show’s Smackdown World Title, meaning the hopes of most of the fans are on his Olympic shoulders. Other than that we have the sports entertainment shock value of Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the Torrie/Dawn stuff from last week with Torrie agreeing to spend a night with Dawn to keep Dawn from marrying her dad. They’re really not hiding the soap opera nonsense are they?

Opening sequence.

Rikishi vs. B2

Now it’s B Two instead of B Squared. Sounds like a vitamin. Either way he poses at Rikishi and gets punched in the face but it’s way too early for the Stinkface. Bull’s chinlock doesn’t go anywhere but Cena offers a distraction and gets kicked in the face. The second distraction works a bit better though as Bull hits him low, allowing Cena to chain Rikishi in the head for the cheap pin.

Torrie Wilson arrives and Jan the Makeup Lady says she’s been hearing rumors about what happened in the hotel room last week. I thought it was pretty obvious given how things started but maybe we need to spell it out: they did a Jungle Book jigsaw puzzle and watched the Facts of Life.

Earlier today, Kurt Angle interrupted a Brock Lesnar autograph signing and offered to get the suspension lifted in exchange for Lesnar being in his corner on Sunday. If Brock helps him, he’ll get the first title shot. Lesnar says if the suspension is lifted, he’ll think about it.

Big Show is with Albert, who is now named A-Train (certainly an improvement), and Paul Heyman. New interviewer Josh Matthews (shoot me now) comes in to ask about the Lesnar/Angle situation and the champ is livid. For reasons that I don’t even want to be able to fathom, these two segments were edited off the WWE Network version. The only way to know about them is Cole’s recap in the next match.

Show and Heyman yell at Stephanie, who throws them out.

Bill DeMott vs. Shannon Moore

DeMott is now an official bully, meaning he and Ryback should go out for soup and grape juice. Moore tries to hammer away but gets thrown around and smashed with a clothesline. A powerslam sets up a heck of a moonsault to give Bill the pin.

Now Stephanie will hear from Heyman and Show, the former of whom doesn’t want to hear about Scott Steiner. As for Lesnar, he makes Smackdown money so the suspension is lifted. Then why did she suspend him in the first place? To prove that he’ll get a week off if he breaks the rules? This was Stephanie showing off her power side with the hands on the hips and lethal sneer. To be fair the look works for her.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Billy Kidman/Chris Benoit

Eddie and Chavo are defending and it’s Benoit vs. Eddie to start in a preview of their match on Sunday. An early Crossface attempt doesn’t work but a backdrop has Eddie in trouble. It’s a double tag to bring in Kidman, only to have Eddie cheap shot him a few times to take over. The slow stomping begins and a spinebuster gives Chavo two.

Even Eddie can’t powerbomb Kidman but it’s still not enough for the hot tag. Kidman starts wildly swinging to slow Eddie down and a powerbomb is enough for the hot tag to Benoit. Eddie gets caught in the Crossface and we take an abrupt break (just like on Raw). We come back with Kidman holding Chavo in a chinlock as we see Eddie tapping during the break, albeit behind the referee’s back.

The champs take over with Eddie legbarring Kidman very close to the corner. He really should know better than that and I don’t have much sympathy for him when Benoit comes in and kicks Eddie in the head. Eddie blocks the tag though and grabs a keylock. Some good old fashioned cheating sees Chavo switch places for a keylock of his own. Chavo decks Benoit off the apron but Kidman gets in an ankle scissors.

The referee doesn’t see a tag but Benoit comes in with the rolling German suplexes anyway. Chris Swan Dives onto Eddie for two (with Cole asking why there’s a count) as everything breaks down. Benoit Crossfaces Chavo for the tap but the referee is looking at Kidman, who misses the Shooting Star. Eddie grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes to retain. So he watches Benoit cover but not when he has the Crossface? Biased jerk.

Rating: B. It’s almost like the tag team formula works very well when you let it have the time to go somewhere. These four work very well together and, as usual, Kidman proves that the cruiserweights can easily hang with the heavyweights, thereby proving that the weight divisions are stupid in wrestling. Great match, as you would expect.

Torrie goes to yell at Dawn and says what happened in the hotel room was personal and just between them. Dawn can’t believe what she’s hearing and takes off her robe to reveal lingerie. Torrie doesn’t seem to mind it at first before yelling at Dawn to cut it out. There hasn’t been one lie though and Torrie doesn’t deny it. She does however demand that the wedding be called off tonight. Torrie leaves and Dawn smiles.

Raw Retro: HHH interrupts Stephanie and Test’s wedding. Again, edited off the Network but it could be because the Motorhead theme is edited over My Time.

Here’s Dawn, after the fastest change into a dress in recorded history, for a chat. She asks Al to come out here and confirms that everything he’s heard about her and Torrie is true. Al doesn’t seem to care so Dawn talks about looking into Torrie’s eyes and seeing Al in them. If that’s not creepy enough, every time she kissed Torrie’s lips, it was like she was kissing him.

Dawn knows Al will never find a woman like her and he wants to marry her anyway. Torrie comes out for some of the most violent slapping you’ll ever see so Dawn promises to show the full tape on Sunday to prove how much Torrie enjoyed it. This is pure trash but Al’s “acting” is so bad that it’s hard not to laugh. He just stands there with no reactions, even to the fact that his fiance slept with his daughter and they kiss alike.

Tazz immediately starts basically promising various adult material on Sunday as we look at replays. This really is the second biggest Smackdown story (and not that far from first). On a show with the Smackdown Six mind you.

Jamie Noble vs. Crash

Tazz thinks Jamie’s cousin Nunzio is 6’11 and 320lbs and works for the mob. Jamie elbows Crash in the face to start and they slug it out with Crash getting the better of it. A faceplant gives Crash two and it’s Crash Landing time, only to have Nunzio (ECW’s Little Guido, who Tazz suddenly doesn’t recognize despite the ECW chants) come in for the DQ.

The double beatdown ensues but Nidia doesn’t look pleased.

Scott Steiner arrives.

Stephanie comes to the ring to sign Steiner as Tazz and Cole look at WWE Magazine, naturally featuring their boss. Steiner takes the pen but won’t sign because last week, after the cameras stopped rolling in the limo, nothing happened. See, Stephanie didn’t put out for him because she’s wholesome, unlike that Torrie Wilson. Now why would you think Stephanie was on her level in the second story based on sex in exchange for a deal on this show?

Anyway, Stephanie suggests that she’ll do it if he signs so Scott puts her on the table and wants to go right now. Stephanie goes on a rant about her moral standards but Scott doesn’t want to hear it. If he can’t trust her in his personal life, he can’t trust her in his business life. Therefore, he’s signing with Raw. Eric Bischoff comes out to gloat and Stephanie throws a fit.

We get an update on Rey Mysterio’s knee injury, which is worse than they thought. There’s no word on his return time.

Edge has a knee injury of his own but he’s ready to focus on his tag match tonight. Angle comes in and agrees to have Edge’s back in the tag.

PPV rundown. Tazz says Eddie vs. Benoit has five stars written all over it.

Edge/Kurt Angle vs. Big Show/A-Train

Good thing the production team had a new song with a train whistle ready in case someone changed their name. Edge and Big Show start things off as Cole goes over Angle and Edge’s history together. A chop staggers the Canadian so it’s off to Angle, who gets A-Train. One heck of a shoulder drops Kurt and it’s back to Edge, who unloads on A-Train in the corner.

A-Train throws Edge hard into the corner and it’s time for Heyman to start the trash talk. For reasons of general large headedness, A-Train takes his sweet time getting around to Edge’s bad knee before handing it off to Big Show for some knee work of his own. The slow beating begins with Show laying on the leg.

After more lifeless offense from the giants, Edge gets in a tornado DDT to stun A-Train and the hot tag brings in Angle. A German suplex actually sends A-Train flying as everything breaks down. Edge spears A-Train down instead of Big Show but the big bald pops up and chairs Edge in the back. The Angle Slam drops both monsters but a Heyman distraction lets Show chokeslam Kurt for the pin.

Rating: D+. They did what they could here but with Edge on a bad wheel and Big Show/A-Train as the heel team, you’re only going to get so far. The match wasn’t bad but this better lead to Angle winning the title on Sunday as it’s clear Show can only do the bare basics at this point. A-Train was trying but calling him limited would be an understatement.

Overall Rating: C-. You know what this felt like? An early 2017 episode of NXT. You know there’s talent there and the people behind the scenes know what they’re doing but there’s only so much you can do when you’re this limited. We’ve done the Smackdown Six matches so many times and since Lesnar is suspended, you have to come up with something fresh.

That means you’re pretty much stuck with short matches to build up new talent without exposing how bad they really are. This show wasn’t the worst but it’s clear that they’re trying something new, which isn’t the easiest thing in the world. They need more time and better talent but things could be rough for the time being.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: December 5, 2002
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting close to the end of the year and thankfully there are no turkeys involved this week. However there’s still Big Show, who can indeed be put in the F5 and chokeslams people through tables. Hopefully we get to see some more of the young guys being pushed, which would do Smackdown a lot of good. Let’s get to it.

The opening video points out that Stephanie McMahon is in charge and you better understand that. She suspended Brock Lesnar last week but he screwed himself you see.

Opening sequence.

Albert vs. Rey Mysterio

Albert has been stuck on Velocity lately and is ready to turn some heads. Fair enough, but will those heads be 8 3/8 inches? Mysterio kicks at the leg to start but gets caught in a good looking sitout gorilla press slam. Back up and Albert charges into a boot, followed by a springboard bulldog for two. The 619 connects but the West Coast Pop is countered into an over the shoulder backbreaker to give Albert the huge upset. Well…..I know they need new stars but ALBERT? They couldn’t have Benoit or Angle do this and then move on to face Lesnar? They use Albert for it instead? Uh…..yeah.

Post match Alberto beats Rey’s knee with chair, likely writing him off TV to repair an injury, until Edge makes a save.

Bill DeMott rants about being interviewed by Funaki, who can barely speak English.

Edge yells at the medics for not taking care of Mysterio fast enough.

Here’s Stephanie to brag about throwing herself at Scott Steiner in the name of getting him to sign with Smackdown. It’s worked though as Steiner will be here next week to sign. As for tonight, Lesnar is still suspended but he’ll get to appear via satellite to give his side of the story. At least Stephanie is now a heel and supposed to be obnoxious and mean.

Jamie Noble vs. Crash

Nidia jumps in on commentary as Jamie takes Crash down for an early two. Noble works him over in the corner and Nidia doesn’t want to talk about Jamie’s cousin Nunzio. Crash comes back with a clothesline and Bodog but stops to kiss Nidia. The distraction lets Jamie load up the Tiger Bomb, only to be reversed into the Crash Landing (Styles Clash) for the pin. Now that’s how you make a losing streak stick: a clean loss to a low level contender.

Jamie says Nunzio gets here next week.

Chris Benoit gives one heck of an interview about how his whole life has been about becoming World Champion but the broken neck held him back. This is edited off the Network, which is understandable, though annoying if you really want everything.

Dawn Marie comes up to Torrie and gets straight to the point: she wants Torrie instead of her dad. If she comes to Dawn’s hotel room tonight, the wedding is over. Torrie looks disturbed and says no way. Dawn asks how much Torrie loves her father and the wheels seem to be turning. This would have worked better if the acting was a bit higher and if it came off as sexy rather than stalkerish.

One thing here: what exactly is hurt by Al marrying Dawn? He’ll be with someone WAY out of his league and seems to be happy. Is she going to take what is likely very limited money? Or just leave him? Or is it just to torment Torrie into sleeping with her? I really don’t see how Al is hurt in this whole thing, assuming Dawn doesn’t try to swindle him somehow.

Funaki vs. Bill DeMott

DeMott has Marc Mero’s music. Funaki gets taken down and stomped a lot as the announcers recap how horrible DeMott’s career has been. Choking with some screaming has Funaki in trouble, followed by a powerslam and the moonsault for the pin. Just a squash with DeMott basically having the same character and motivation as Albert.

Los Guerreros are ready to win their matches tonight and make Grandma Guerrero proud. That should be everyone’s mission in life really.

We get the Lesnar sitdown interview and he got what he deserved for working with Paul Heyman. He heard Stephanie say that Lesnar screwed himself…..and here are Heyman and Big Show to interrupt. Heyman compares Lesnar to a child that needed a spanking and who better than Big Show to administer one? The two of them screwed Lesnar and loved it. If they could go back in time to the week before Survivor Series, they would do it all over again. After some plugs of tonight’s four way #1 contenders match, Lesnar promises to be at Armageddon.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero

Kidman is defending. A fan in the crowd has a sign saying the Guerreros will mow your lawn for a green card. As stupid as that is, Cole tops it by saying “Brock Lesnar has said he’ll be at Armageddon in person, whatever that means.” Kidman grabs a hurricanrana to start but gets caught in a gutbuster to give Chavo the real early control. Some shots to the kidneys set up an abdominal stretch but a Gory Bomb is countered into a rollup.

Kidman’s fireman’s carry into a backbreaker gets two and the BK Bomb is good for the same. They head up top at the same time for the big crash out to the floor and we have a bit of a breather. Back in and Kidman misses the Shooting Star, setting up the Gory Bomb to give Chavo two. Kidman comes right back with something like a reverse implant DDT, followed by the Shooting Star to retain.

Rating: C+. The rib work didn’t go anywhere but it was nice to see Kidman getting some time instead of being thrown out there for three minutes before finishing with his one big move. Kidman can be a fine champion and a good choice for someone to take the title from later on so this is the right way to build him up.

Edge wants to become #1 contender but wants to get his hands on Albert too. He’s not entirely focused you see. Edge charges across the backstage and goes after Albert until referees break it up.

And now, a hip hop challenge between John Cena and Rikishi. They both rap and Rikishi wins the fan vote. An attack ensues but Rikishi and Tazz (hosting) easily fight off Cena and B Two. Dancing ensues and I have no idea how this helps anyone other than Rikishi.

Angle is ready for the main event.

Edge vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Elimination rules and the winner gets Big Show at Armageddon. Before we’re ready to go though, Albert jumps Edge and takes out his knee. After everyone else is ready to go, Edge slowly limps down to the ring to have all four in the ring at once. The match is joined in progress after a break with Edge backdropping and flapjacking anyone he sees (save for the referee, commentators and fans of course) until Benoit and Angle start going after the leg.

Angle and Eddie head outside, leaving Benoit to stay on the bad knee. The half nelson faceplant gives Edge a breather but Eddie throws both of them outside. Eddie misses the frog splash and gets hit by the Swan Dive for two. The Edgecution gets two on Benoit, who pops up and Crossfaces Eddie for the elimination.

Angle is right there with the rolling German suplexes on Benoit but Edge comes back with the missile dropkick on Kurt. The knee is banged up again though and it’s Angle on his feet first. The Angle Slam is countered into an Edge-O-Matic but Benoit breaks it up with a Crossface on Edge which is broken up by an ankle lock. We get a ref bump so here’s Eddie with a belt shot to Benoit. Edge adds a spear to get rid of Chris and we’re down to two.

Kurt is right back up with the ankle lock though and Edge somehow lasts the better part of a minute. They both fall to the floor in a crash and we take a break. Back with Angle clotheslining a bloody Edge, who hammers away with right hands in the corner. That just earns him an overhead belly to belly as Angle turns it up one more notch. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Edge comes back with his own belly to belly.

Another Edge-O-Matic gets two as the announcers are selling the heck out of that bad knee. Angle rolls some more German suplexes but Edge, with his thong sticking out, gets a spear for two more. The Edgecution gets another near fall as the fans are losing their minds on these kickouts.

Edge actually blocks the corner running superplex and hits another missile dropkick. The Angle Slam gets two and the kickout only makes Kurt more angry. Edge rolls through the ankle lock for a hot two and it’s right back to the ankle lock. A rope is finally grabbed and Edge hits his own Angle Slam for two more. He takes too long getting up top though and the running Angle Slam FINALLY puts Edge away to give Angle the title shot.

Rating: A. I remember watching this match when it aired live and thinking it was amazing. While I remember it differently (I would have sworn that Edge came out halfway through the match and that the first two eliminations took the better part of fifteen minutes), it’s still an outstanding back and forth battle with the last seven or eight minutes being incredible. Angle and Edge were trading bomb after bomb with Edge finally getting caught at the end. Edge looked like a star here and….is going to be facing Albert at the pay per view. But that’s for another time as this was a great match and well worth checking out.

Big Show is IMMEDIATELY there to chokeslam Angle and stand tall.

We cut to Torrie going into Dawn’s hotel room. Dawn is waiting on her wearing a robe and sipping a glass of wine. Torrie looks very uncomfortable as Dawn tucks back her hair and says how much Torrie must love her father. If Torrie does everything Dawn wants, the wedding is off. Torrie goes to leave but Dawn says that means Torrie doesn’t love her father. That’s enough to get Torrie to stay and we’re out. I was rather intrigued by this when I was younger for obvious reasons but now…..egads. The fact that you know nothing is going to make TV and the payoff is Dawn vs. Torrie tells you everything you need to know.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event more than carries the week but we’re looking down the barrel of Albert, Rikishi, Bill DeMott and Big Show as some of the top stars of this show. I’m not sure why they would go that route when they have Edge, Benoit and Los Guerreros sitting there but WWE never was one to go with what people seemed interested in seeing. Above all else though, this show toned the Stephanie stuff down by a few thousand notches and it was much easier watch as a result. Good show this week but the future is looking scary.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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ECW on TNN
Date: September 15, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

I’m hoping we can wrap up the final four episodes of this show in peace instead of the wild chaos that was last week’s show. We’re getting closer to Anarchy Rulz and this week we set up the main event as Steve Corino challenges Justin Credible for the ECW World Title. That could mean anything around here so let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week’s TV Title change.

Opening sequence.

Unholy Alliance vs. Julio Dinero/EZ Money

So Fantastico is now Dinero and his team has Chris Hamrick in the corner. The Alliance would be Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri. Mikey hurricanranas Dinero to start and the former champs start snapping off kicks to take over early on. Tajiri and Money trade standing moonsaults for two each before Tajiri just kicks Money square in the jaw. The heel trio’s (because of course they’re a heel trio) chick Elektra distracts Tajiri long enough for a low blow to take over.

It’s off to Dinero for a Samoan drop into a neckbreaker…..which is called the Jalapeno Popper. Again I say, of course it is. Mikey kicks Dinero in the head for a save and it’s Whipwreck cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Dinero gets abused in a Tree of Woe, because that spot isn’t used all the time around here. Chris Hamrick’s interference goes badly and a double brainbuster ends Dinero.

Rating: C-. Two things here. First of all, ECW goes WAY overboard naming its moves. There were probably ten moves in this match with a name, many of which were just basic moves that didn’t require one. It gets distracting, but that’s the case with a lot of things Joey does on commentary.

The second thing is how ECW’s booking screws them over. This was a mostly straight match with winners and losers. Unfortunately I spent most of the match waiting on the interference and insanity but since it never came, the match felt incomplete. That’s absolutely not on the wrestlers and the match was fine but ECW booking continues to cause problems for itself, especially when you have a regular match.

Joel Gertner makes tires/condom jokes for his weekly rhyme.

We look at the FBI winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

The Sinister Minister and the Unholy Alliance swear vengeance. Minister: “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Your souls for the ECW Tag Team Titles.” Tajiri: “This promo is OVER!”

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending but we’re not ready yet as Francine has a contract saying Jack Victory can’t be at ringside. Corino says his boy is gone before insulting Francine (whose reaction is great as always) and saying they’ve fallen into his trap. See, they’ll never be able to out heel them because his new manager is Dawn Marie.

They slug it out to start as Joey explains Corino going from a comedy guy to a World Title contender in a few months. You’re not helping yourself here chum. Corino knocks him into the crowd but gets low blowed back inside because Justin doesn’t know how to do much else. It’s already chair time with Corino going face first for two. Justin puts up a table as a platform between the ring and the barricade, only to have the girls get into it as Joel makes really stupid jokes.

Back in and Corino makes a comeback until Francine grabs his boot. The referee gets bumped (I still don’t get that spot in ECW) so here’s Loud E. Dangerously with the cell phone over the head. Cue Billy Corgan with a guitar to Lou’s head (Joel: “Corgan just smashed that pumpkin!”) and the superkick gets no count on Justin. That means it’s time for another table (for when one isn’t enough) with Corino grabbing a northern lights suplex through the wood for two.

We get the catfight for a bit before a bunch of cane shots have Steve in trouble. Of course that means blood as a big cane shot gets two. Old School Expulsion gets two as we fill in Justin’s Bingo card with “kick out of a finisher”. Corino throws in a bunch of chairs but Francine cuts him off. You would think Dawn might DO SOMETHING HERE but she just lets Francine get tombstoned. That’s Incredible on a chair retains Justin’s title.

Rating: C. The concept of making Corino look like a player worked here but giving Justin this much time isn’t the best idea. I do like the idea of a new face in the main event scene though but at some point he needs to actually win something over someone who isn’t Dusty Rhodes. Not bad or anything, assuming you can handle this much Justin Credible in a row.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s very, very clear that they were stretching stuff out (an ECW match getting nearly twenty minutes does not happen) to get an extra episode of TV out of this taping cycle. This was really just boring and waiting around until we have a pay per view main event set up. I mean, more wrestling is definitely good around here, but is there even a top story now that the Network is gone?

 

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Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

To say a lot has changed in the last year is a huge understatement. We have the Brand Split now and there are two world titles. That brings us to the part of this show that is most remembered: the world title matches. We have HHH defending the Raw Title in one of the worst matches ever, followed by Angle defending the Smackdown Title in one of the best matches ever. Also Brock Lesnar is here and has taken Smackdown by storm. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what you would expect it to be: thirty men wanting to go to Wrestlemania.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The loser is out of the Rumble. Big Show has Heyman with him, which I’m sure makes him the best wrestler EVER right? Show won the title from Lesnar at Survivor Series after Heyman turned on Brock in one of those matches where they were backed into a corner out of their own stupidity. Show shoves him around to start so Brock snaps off a belly to belly suplex to fire up the crowd.

There’s a second suplex and Show is in trouble early. Lesnar loads up a third but Show grabs him by the throat and shoves him to the floor. Show throws Lesnar around the ring which looks awesome when you consider Brock is a massive dude. Lesnar avoids a charge in the corner and hits a release German suplex for two.

A big boot slows Brock down and a side slam looks to set up the chokeslam. Brock kind of rolls through it into a two count, followed by another belly to belly. Heyman gets dragged in but Show saves him from an F5. The chokeslam gets two as Heyman is losing his mind. Show gets rammed into Heyman and the F5 sends Brock to the Rumble.

Rating: C+. As intricate as modern wrestling has become, there’s something to be said about having two big guys get out there and throw each other around for five minutes. The power displays here made the fans gasp which is the right idea. At the end of the day, wrestling is a spectacle and having larger than life characters doing larger than life things is a surefire idea. This wasn’t so much good as it was fun, which is the right choice for an opener.

Jericho says he’ll win the Rumble.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending and Regal is STILL doing the brass knuckles thing. Storm and Ray get things going with Lance working on the arm, only to get powered down with ease. Bubba hits one of his LOUD chops in the corner and takes Storm down with a kind of chokebomb. In something I’ve never seen him do otherwise, Bubba hooks a standing Figure Four. Actually I can’t think of anyone who has ever used that.

Off to D-Von for a dropkick (what’s gotten into the Dudleys tonight?) and here’s Regal to get slammed down immediately. The champs double team D-Von down and we get into the standard tag team formula. Storm takes D-Von to the mat and it’s off to Regal for a front facelock. Lance comes back in with a cravate into a sleeper as this continues to meander along.

D-Von rolls Storm away and makes the tag to Bubba who speeds things up. The guy has emotion if nothing else. A big running splash in the corner crushes both champions and a side slam gets two on Storm. The American hits a German on the Canadian for two, followed by a spear to the Englishman. The Bubba Bomb gets two on Lance and Regal takes What’s Up. A double flapjack (stupid fans: “3D!”) gets two on Storm and here’s Chief of Staff Sean Morely. Regal finds the brass knuckles but walks into the 3D. D-Von hits Storm with the knuckles for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This didn’t work for me. It felt like a Raw match that was trying to be a PPV match but never got near the hump they were trying to get over. The ending was stupid on top of that, as they had Regal beaten with the 3D, so why use the knuckles? Also it didn’t help that Bubba single handedly beat up the tag champions for about two minutes straight. Bad match.

Lawler on that match: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” What is WITH the announcers and their similies/metaphors in this company?

Nathan Jones is coming. Oh geez.

We recap the Torrie vs. Dawn feud. This is one of those stories where you look at it in awe and wonder what they were thinking. Dawn Marie (a gorgeous Diva) fell in love with and married Torrie’s fifty something year old dad Al Wilson, then screwed him to death (literally) on their honeymoon. There was some lesbianism (as in kissing on screen and unfilmed other stuff) involved which was there to tease the audience and wasn’t bad at all. This is supposed to be a stepmother vs. stepdaughter match. Again, I have no idea what this was supposed to accomplish.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn comes to the ring in a veil because she’s in mourning. Torrie gets blasted in the face to start before spearing Dawn down and things get sloppy. Marie tries an armbar because we need some wrestling in this I guess. Torrie gets beaten on for a bit until they collide and hit the mat. Dawn hits a springboard spinning clothesline for no cover, giving us the highlight of the match. Torrie hits a neckbreaker out of nowhere for the win.

Rating: D-. Anything with these two in those outfits can’t be considered a failure, but at the end of the day, there is no real defending this match in the slightest. It was HORRIBLE and the story was borderline insulting to my intelligence, but the girls looked good and I guess that was the whole point. Why not just have a regular match if you want to is beyond me, but it’s 2003 so what do you expect?

Stephanie seems to hit on some young guy in the back when Eric comes up to trade some weak trash talk. They’re both GM’s at this point. Stephanie has a bombshell for Smackdown which would wind up being Hogan. They argue over money or blood being more important and nothing goes anywhere. That young guy by the way? Randy Orton.

House show ads, including one for 7pm on a Monday night.

Sean O’Haire as the Devil’s Advocate promo. Sweet goodness this could have been HUGE.

Nathan Jones is STILL coming. Seriously did we need that twice in 30 minutes?

We recap HHH vs. Scott Steiner as I begin to take deep breaths. HHH was giving a promo about how awesome he was when Steiner interrupted and demanded a title shot. This led to a series of contests like pushups and bench presses which went nowhere. Note that Steiner hadn’t actually had a match in WWE up to this point. I wonder why.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

HHH has red trunks on here for some reason. He mixed them up every now and then and rarely did the other colors work. Stick with basic black Game. Hebner brings them to the middle for instructions which is ultra rare stuff. Steiner wins an early slugout and pounds on the champion in the corner. A gorilla press sends HHH to the floor and Steiner pounds away with those weird looking overhand punches of his.

Steiner suplexes him back in for two and works on the back some more. An elbow to the face puts HHH down and there’s an appropriate Boston Crab. HHH powers out of it and hits the facebuster but Steiner no sells it. There’s a bear hug which is quickly broken but Steiner snaps off an overhead belly to belly (1) for two. Flair saves HHH from being put in the Steiner Recliner and Steiner charges into a boot in the corner to finally change the momentum.

We head to the floor again where Scott goes into the steps. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this so far but they’ve still got time to crank it up a bit. Flair chokes away with his jacket and HHH hits his second neckbreaker in about 30 seconds for two. Since we didn’t allido it properly the first time, Flair chokes away even more. A Pedigree attempt is countered into a slingshot into the buckle. Steiner looks like he’s going through labor.

An overhead suplex (2) puts HHH down and I kid you not: Steiner FALLS DOWN due to exhaustion. He’s clearly sucking wind and HHH didn’t touch him at all. Speaking of HHH, he counters a tombstone attempt into a….I think it was supposed to be the third neckbreaker in about 90 seconds but Steiner took it wrong, causing it to look like a cutter where he fell backwards instead of forwards. That gets two and the fans are starting to boo.

HHH is loudly calling spots to try to salvage this before he hits a vertical suplex. For no apparent reason he goes up and jumps into a belly to belly (3). Steiner can barely punch so he settles for some clotheslines. There’s an overhead belly to belly (4) and an overhead belly to belly (5) and an overhead belly to belly (6). The fans are openly booing Steiner now. His response? To hold HHH’s hair while HHH rams his own head into the buckles (seriously, Steiner clearly isn’t even pushing) and to hit a spinning belly to belly (7) for two and even more booing.

Steiner tries a butterfly powerbomb and literally falls backwards as he does it, causing HHH to land on Steiner’s knees. The fans groan at the sight of this so HHH goes up top to get superplexed down. He’s handing these spots to Steiner. THANKFULLY HHH tries to walk out but Steiner won’t have it, because WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING. Steiner blasts HHH with the belt to bust him open to try to get the fans to care but the match is long past salvageable at this point.

Back in and Steiner hits ANOTHER belly to belly (8), causing the fans to get MAD. They’re not annoyed, they’re not wanting a new champion, they want Steiner to get out of their ring now. HHH tries to get counted out but Steiner goes after him AGAIN. Back in and Steiner does the pushups to tick off the fans even more as Flair is BEGGING the referee to stop the match.

Now HHH throws the referee to the floor but HEBNER WON’T STOP IT. I mean he pulls his arm up to ring the bell but stops and says keep it going. Steiner hits the NINTH belly to belly suplex (9) of the match for two so HHH hits him low and grabs a fast rollup for two. HHH finally gives up and hits Steiner with the sledgehammer for the DQ.

Rating: H. As in HHH, who I feel sorry for here. Now everyone knows I’m no fan of the guy in 2003, but he was in a HORRIBLE situation here. HHH was trying to keep this a coherent match, but Steiner was beyond worthless here, causing the match to sink to levels far below what any other main event “talent” would be capable of. After about seven minutes (out of eighteen), Steiner stopped doing anything resembling trying to have a match and was just doing suplexes.

Remember that back stuff he did at the beginning? Completely forgotten. Did you see him try his finisher? Not even once. He somehow managed a belly to belly suplex every two minutes, despite being on defense for a good third of the match. This was absolutely horrible and quite possibly the worst world title match I can EVER remember, which is covering a lot of ground.

Post match, Steiner beats up HHH and Flair with the hammer, which gets SYMPATHY from the fans. HHH is getting SYMPATHY from a crowd. Think about that for a minute. And what’s worse: THEY HAD A REMATCH! Oh and there’s the Steiner Recliner to absolutely nothing positive from the crowd at all. Bischoff has to come get Steiner off HHH.

We cut to Cole and Tazz and even MICHAEL FREAKING COLE has a look on his face as if to say “WOW that was an abomination.”

We recap Benoit vs. Angle. Angle won the title from Big Show at Armageddon thanks to Lesnar before revealing that he hired Paul Heyman to be his new manager. Heyman said anyone could get a shot other than Brock Lesnar and brought in Team Angle (Haas and Benjamin) to protect Kurt during a knee injury. Benoit won a title shot over Big Show to set this up.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Team Angle is immediately ejected to make sure it’s one on one. Benoit grabs a headlock to start before trying the Sharpshooter to send Angle to the floor. Back in and Angle goes for the ankle but gets dropkicked away. Benoit grabs a kind up reverse Figure Four but Angle grabs the rope. This is all holds/counter holds so far. Benoit gets sent shoulder first into the post followed by an Angle suplex for two.

They chop it out with Benoit taking over and hitting a reverse clothesline to take Angle down. Angle drops Benoit across the top rope but gets guillotined down by the Canadian. They head to the apron with Benoit DDTing him down onto the side of the ring. The champion has a busted nose now. Back in and the Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls out of the Angle Slam. There’s the Sharpshooter to Angle who eventually gets to a rope. A belly to back suplex gets two for Chris but Angle snaps off an overhead belly to belly (just one so far).

Back to the floor where Benoit gets dropped onto the barricade to further mess with his head. Off to a rear naked choke back inside so Kurt can overly loudly call some spots. Angle catches Benoit in another belly to belly followed by a belly to back for two. Back to the chinlock for a bit until a double clothesline puts both guys down. Benoit rolls some Germans but so does Angle. And people wonder why their necks were held together by tape.

Benoit gets the final German but Angle runs the ropes to hit the belly to belly off the top to put both guys down. That gets two but the Angle Slam is countered into the Crossface. Angle gets the rope, so Benoit shifts to an ankle lock. Angle reverses into one of his own and now Benoit is in trouble. Benoit goes to kick off but instead grabs another Crossface. Kurt counters into a rollup but Benoit put the Crossface on the other (right) arm this time. Angle stands up and hits the Angle Slam but can’t immediately cover.

Angle takes the straps down but another German attempt is countered into a rollup for two. They trade HARD Germans until Benoit hooks a release German to put both guys down. Before anyone asks, the difference between this and the previous match with the suplexes is how hard these are. Steiner looked like he was at a dance recital but here they look like they’re trying to kill one another. Not to mention there’s OTHER STUFF in between the suplexes.

Benoit hits the longest diving headbutt you’ll EVER see, but he can’t cover because of his head getting jarred like that. Angle counters the Crossface into a reverse powerbomb onto the buckle. The Angle Slam gets a VERY close two as the crowd is losing their minds. Back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. Benoit rolls over but can’t break the hold. He kicks Kurt off but Angle goes right back to the hold. Benoit keeps trying to kick him off but Angle hooks the grapevine and Benoit has to tap.

Rating: A+. That’s your match of the year right there people. Oh wait according to Meltzer there was some match in Japan that no one but him ever saw and that has to be better than this right? Anyway, these two DESTROYED each other with some absolutely amazing counters and awesome sequences out there while suplexing the tar out of each other. This both guy’s best match ever, and that’s saying A LOT.

Benoit gets a standing ovation, showing that he was ready to be world champion. Naturally that’s why he had to wait fifteen months to get the title, because the world was BEGGING for another Steiner match, the Nash feud with HHH, and the Goldberg run of doom. Ok Goldberg I can live with but the other two? Screw that.

Van Dam and Kane say they’ll knock each other out to win the Rumble.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are two minutes if you listen to Fink and 90 seconds if you listen to JR. There are fifteen Raw guys and fifteen Smackdown guys this year which would be the norm for a few years to come. Shawn gets #1 and Jericho gets #2, but it’s Christian playing the role of Jericho at the entrance, allowing Jericho to sneak in from behind and jump Shawn. Jericho hits Shawn low and starts the beat down before getting a chair to crack Shawn open.

Chris Nowitski is #3 and he’s perfectly fine with letting Jericho maul Shawn. Jericho easily dumps Shawn, setting up their classic at Wrestlemania. Nowitski isn’t in the ring yet. Rey Mysterio (still pretty new here) is #4 as things speed up a lot. A springboard dropkick and rana take Jericho down but Nowitski gets in as well….or not as he slid back out. Rey escapes a gorilla press and dropkicks Jericho into the ropes, only to get jumped by Nowitski.

Edge is #5 for a big pop. He would have been world champion by summer if he hadn’t hurt his neck. Jericho is sent into the post and Nowitski is knocked down, allowing the two good guys to pound away on each other while both miss finishers. A springboard rana by Rey is countered into a sitout powerbomb and Christian is #6. He hugs his brother but Edge spears him down out of common sense. Nowitski tries to dump Edge and Rey but gets caught by a “double” dropkick (read as Mysterio hit him but Edge completely missed and landed on Chris after he was already down).

The Bronco Buster hits Nowitski and Chavo is #7. He immediately takes Rey down but gets caught in a 619. Rey drops the dime on Chavo and hits a 619 on Christian. He tries a springboard rana on Christian but lands on Nowitski and takes him to the floor in the process. Jericho puts Mysterio out, leaving us with Jericho, Edge, Christian and Chavo at the moment. You can add Tajiri at #8 to that list.

Christian gets the tar kicked out of him and Chavo gets put in a spinning backbreaker. Not bad for the first twenty seconds for Tajiri. Bill DeMott is #9 and no one cares. At this point, he had been a Tough Enough trainer and his gimmick was that the rookies had ticked him off so much that he was basically a sociopath. I’ve heard of worse. Tommy Dreamer is #10 and he brings some toys with him.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment. Edge gets in some kendo stick shots on DeMott for an elimination. Christian and Jericho hit Dreamer with trashcan lids in a modified Conchairto for another elimination. Tajiri elbows both guys down but tries the Tarantula on Jericho and gets dumped as a result. B2, as in Bull Buchanan as Cena’s ex-lackey, is #11. Edge knocks out Chavo as the ring is thinning out nicely.

Jericho gets sent over the top but skins the cat and pulls out Edge and Christian in the process. Jericho is busted open but he’s left all alone in the ring. RVD is #12 and man alive do the fans love him. They slug it out for a bit with Van Dam hitting a slingshot to send Jericho to the apron but not out. Matt Hardy (who strongly dislikes mustard) is #13. The heels (as in those not named RVD) double team the good guy (as in those named RVD) but Jericho is too weak to do much and Matt kind of sucks so Van Dam takes them down.

There’s a Five Star to Jericho and Eddie is #14. He pounds away on Van Dam as well and hits a Frog Splash of his own, only to walk into a Twist of Fate from Matt. Jeff Hardy is #15 and Matt tries an alliance, only to get kicked in the gut. Jeff throws Matt to the apron but Matt’s MF’er Shannon Moore prevents the elimination. There’s the Twist of Fate to Matt but Shannon covers up Matt from the Swanton. Jeff just dives on both of them and Rosey of 3 Minute Warning is #16.

Absolutely nothing of note happens here so Test with Stacy is #17. He cleans house until John Cena is #18 with a rap for us. He manages to rhyme “Explain it to ya” with Wrestlemania so I’m impressed. He spends forever rapping until Van Dam throws him inside. The ring is way too full again. After Cena is in the ring for about eight seconds, Charlie Haas is #19. Van Dam and Jeff slug it out until Jeff goes up top like an IDIOT and gets shoved out. He would burn out and leave the company in about three months anyway.

Eddie walks the buckles and hits a rana on Jericho as Rikishi is #20, giving us Jericho, Van Dam, Matt, Eddie, Rosey, Test, Cena, Haas and Rikishi. Again that’s too many people. Rosey and Rikishi square off but nothing happens. Instead they team up and beat up Matt and Shannon because they can, until Rosey clotheslines the heck out of Rikishi. Jamal of 3 Minute Warning (you know him better as Umaga) is #21.

Rikishi superkicks Jamal down almost immediately and there’s a Stinkface for him. Kane is #22 and I think we have eleven people in there at the moment. He cleans as much house as you can clean with that many people in there before FINALLY putting someone out in the form of Rosey. Jericho gets thrown to the apron but hangs on. Shelton Benjamin is #23 and Team Angle starts taking over. Booker T is #24 and we DESPERATELY need someone to clear some guys out.

Booker immediately kicks Kane down and fires up a Spinarooni to a BIG pop. Eddie gets backdropped out and Booker pounds on Rikishi. A-Train (Albert/Tensai) is #25 and the hometown boy gets to beat up a lot of people in a hurry. Shawn Michaels runs in with a bandage on his head and goes after Jericho, causing Test to dump Jericho out. See, that way it’s legal.

Maven from Tough Enough (finally with actual trunks) is #26. He goes right for Kane like an idiot and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Goldust is #27 and he barely makes it 45 seconds before Haas and Benjamin put him out. Booker goes off on Haas in the corner but gets thrown out by Team Angle as well. He would get the world title shot at HHH as a consolation prize.

Big Dave Batista is #28 and you can hear the fans react to him. The first guy he hits? John Cena. It’s always cool to see the future in there like that. Test takes him down with a full nelson slam but Batista low bridges him for the elimination. Batista takes down Rikishi with a spinebuster before clotheslining him out. At least the ring is clearing out a bit. Brock Lesnar is #29 and is the odds on favorite to win this thing.

Brock immediately eliminates Team Angle by himself before F5ing Matt on top of them. A-Train hits a bicycle kick to take Batista down as Undertaker is #30 to a big ovation. The final grouping: Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista, Lesnar and Undertaker. Drop Maven and A-Train and that’s a pretty stacked field. To the shock of no one paying attention, Taker is returning here. There’s a 9 hour DVD of matches and moments where Undertaker returns easily.

Taker punches everyone and dumps Cena and Jamal with ease. Maven dropkicks Taker in the back and celebrates, earning himself a chokeslam. The elimination is academic. A-Train hits the chokebomb on Taker to finally slow him down as Kane chokeslams Lesnar. Kane and Van Dam, the Raw tag champions, start teaming up to beat people up but A-Train takes them both down. Van Dam saves Kane from a backbreaker and the champs double clothesline Albert out.

Kane tells Van Dam to let him pick Van Dam up and drop him on Batista, but Kane turns (not heel) on Van Dam to throw RVD out. We’re down to Lesnar, Undertaker, Kane and Batista which is awesome by today’s standards. Taker and Lesnar have a showdown but the other two guys break it up. Taker pounds away on Batista in a preview of the feud of the year in 2007.

A big spinebuster puts Taker down and Lesnar fights off the two Raw (Batista/Kane) guys. There’s an F5 for Kane and NOW we get Taker vs. Brock. They slug it out and after Taker says big boot, he hits a big boot to take Brock’s head off. The F5 is escaped but there’s a tombstone for Brock. A clothesline casually puts Batista out to get us down to three. Taker teases an alliance with Kane but dumps him as well. He has to knock away an invading Batista and Brock dumps Undertaker to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: B-. Good but definitely not great Rumble here. You could see the next generation in the blocks but the problem is they were just that: the NEXT generation. Taker was the only possible winner here other than Brock and that’s a recipe for a bad Rumble. You need more than one candidate for the Rumble and as soon as Lesnar’s music hit, it was clear who was winning this.

Taker says go win the title but he wants the first shot. Brock says ok to end the show. Did we need that?

Overall Rating: C-. The problem with this show is that the excellent match on the card is brought down by the HORRENDOUS match just before it. The Rumble is good but it isn’t good enough to save an otherwise bad card. The show isn’t terrible, but it’s a sign of things to come for this year, especially with HHH on the Raw side. Not much to see here other than Benoit vs. Angle of course. HHH vs. Steiner is only worth seeing if you want to see a trainwreck.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: C+

Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

Redo: D

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Original: DD

Redo: D-

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

Redo: H (As in HHH)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

I’m not sure what I was thinking the first time. The show just isn’t that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

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ECW on TNN
Date: February 25, 2000
Location: The Rave, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 2,250
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting closer to the Living Dangerously PPV and I don’t think anything has been announced for the show. There’s also no announcement made yet on the future of the TV Title other than there will be a new champion. We’ve got three episodes left before the show so maybe we’ll hear some matches announced tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with Cyrus in the ring and the fans chanting RVD. He talks about how the network can’t have the TV Title on the shelf for twelve weeks, and here are Corino, Rhyno and Jack Victory. Tonight Cyrus gets to appoint a new TV Champion which will be…..Rhyno, the last man to be in the ring with Van Dam. Cyrus tells Paul Heyman to bring out the title and a cup of coffee but we need to get the way too long intro out of the way as Heyman comes to the ring.

Heyman is in the ring but Cyrus wants his coffee. Paul is clutching the TV Title belt to his chest as Cyrus berates him for not wanting to sell RVD out. He says Heyman is going to bend over for the network here on TNN but Heyman doesn’t seem interested. Heyman yells at Cyrus and finally hits him in the head with the belt. Rhyno Gores Heyman down and the beating is on until Sandman’s music hits. Naturally it takes forever for him to get to the ring and just as naturally the heels don’t do anything else to Heyman in the meantime.

PPV ad.

Post break and Sandman is STILL in the crowd. After about three minutes (literally) he’s in the ring and we’re ready for our first match.

Sandman vs. Rhyno

Oh wait we have to have Corino and Victory get in cheap shots so Sandman can swing his cane. Sandman and Rhyno head to the aisle and up by the stage with Sandy in control. Here’s a ladder into the ring but Sandman stops to get a table, allowing Rhyno to get in a cheap shot. Sandman sends him into the ladder, allowing him to bring in the table. A slingshot hilo onto the ladder crushes Rhyno and a top rope rana (the Heinekenrana) puts Rhyno down again. Cue Tajiri to spray green mist, allowing Rhyno to hit the Gore through the table for a pin.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling and that’s all I’ll say about this nonsense.

Post whatever that was, Super Crazy comes out for the save.

We get a highlight package of that whole thing which has taken up nearly half the show.

Gertner starts his limerick but Joey cuts him off to talk about Rhyno claiming to break Rob’s leg. He doesn’t have much to say about it but at least he cut off the funny stuff.

Doring and Roadkill run into the Dupps in the back. Somehow we get a loser leaves town match booked in about 20 seconds.

Dupps vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

The Dupps (Bo and Jack) are as low brow “comedy” as you can get with the duo playing REALLY stupid country stereotypes. The Dupps run Doring over to start but Roadkill comes in with a springboard double clothesline followed by a double splash in the corner. A wheelbarrow slam/top rope legdrop combination end Jack Dupp to get rid of this stupid team in about a minute and a half.

Website and house show ads. Apparently Tommy Dreamer and Francine will be at some mall. No city or anything is given, but they will be there.

Here’s Tommy Dreamer with something to say. He does a Scott Hall survey with ECW winning the poll. Dreamer cuts out the nonsense and asks Raven to come out here to finish things. Instead he gets Francine who understands that Dreamer is trying to protect her. She’s seen the tape though and Raven DDT’ed her by mistake. Naturally the fans want puppies. Francine rants about what she’s done in ECW, including guiding Dreamer to a tag title. This is supposed to be a burning line for some reason.

We get a clip of Raven accidentally knocking Francine out cold and here are the Impact Players. Dreamer insults Dawn Marie and suggests she just take her top off before challenging the Players to a handicap match. Storm says they’ll put up the titles if Dreamer can find a partner. Why he’d do that is anyone’s guess but somehow it turns into Francine naming Raven as Dreamer’s partner.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Tommy Dreamer/Raven

Tommy gets beaten down for a bit until Raven comes out in dress pants and a turtleneck of all things. Storm accidentally superkicks Credible but Justin makes the save off the Even Flow. Dreamer breaks up a pin off That’s Incredible to Raven as it’s already broken down. It’s one of those brawls in the crowd where you can’t see any of the brawling between Dreamer and Credible as we have Storm and Raven slugging it out in the ring.

A low blow stops Raven as the other two are way at the other end of the building. Raven does the drop toehold onto the chair and here’s Dreamer at ringside to break the barricade apart. Actually it’s a row of seats in the ring and a double drop toehold sends the champions into the chairs. The Players are sent to the floor but Storm gets back in to set up a table. Justin and Raven head to the floor and Dreamer hits a Death Valley Driver on Storm through the table for two with Dawn Marie making the save.

Cue the girl fight as the freaking Sinister Minister comes out because we aren’t overbooking this nonsense enough. Raven accidentally throws powder in Dreamer’s eyes, causing Tommy to DDT Francine (the chick with long hair, as opposed to the champions who have one head of short hair between them). Dreamer loads up a DDT on Storm but gets blasted by a title belt for two. A top rope spinwheel kick from Storm and a spike tombstone on a chair is enough to finish Tommy.

Rating: D. And most of that is because of Dawn’s outfit. I’m tempted to start calling these the two man titles because there’s no tagging at all in these matches. Also, can we PLEASE find a story other than Dreamer hates Raven? It’s literally been the SAME IDEA since this show debuted.

The Sinister Minister sits in a bunch of trash and talks about fire before laughing a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: Trombone. You think I’m wasting a regular rating on something like this? This show had nothing to do with wrestling and I don’t think they have any idea what it’s supposed to be. The Heyman/Network stuff makes sense, but what is it supposed to lead to? The Sandman standing up for ECW? More non-wrestling, as Sandman is embarrassing in the ring. It says a lot when this is making Nitro in 2000 look great by comparison. Again, not a wrestling show at all.

 

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