Impact Wrestling
Date: April 22, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Matt Striker, D’Lo Brown

It’s the go home show for Rebellion and I’m curious to see how they push the rest of the card. The main event is long since set but we need more of the card being built up. We should be in for a good pay per view but some of that is going to be based on a good go home show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a video on Rich Swann vs. Kenny Omega, including last week’s press conference.

Opening sequence.

Decay vs. Good Brothers

Rosemary is here with Decay. Anderson and Steve start things off with the former firing off some uppercuts. Steve gets smart by grabbing the arm and brings in Taurus to chop away in the corner. Decay takes turns on the arm but Andreson gets Taurus over to the corner so Gallows can hammer away.

A shot to the mask sets up Anderson’s chinlock, followed by Gallows’ elbows to the chest and a chinlock of his own. That’s broken up as well and the hot tag brings in Steve to pick up the pace. A low Downward Spiral gives Steve two and everything breaks down. Taurus is sent outside and Steve gets pulled out of the air for the Magic Killer and the pin at 5:14.

Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t great but this was exactly the point they were going for. You wanted the Brothers to look strong going into the title match and beating Decay is a fine enough way to do just that. There was no point in having Decay be any real kind of a threat here and they didn’t bother doing anything ridiculous.

Post match the Brothers thank FinJuice for giving them the motivation and pouring the gasoline on them to make their fire hotter. FinJuice better have enjoyed their shiny titles in Roppongi (because it’s in Japan) because on Sunday, it’s a Magic Killer and new champs.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

We get some predictions on Rich Swann vs. Kenny Omega, with most of the Impact wrestlers predicting Swann walks out with both titles.

Video on Violent By Design vs. James Storm/Chris Sabin/Willie Mack/Eddie Edwards on Sunday. Granted based on the video, you would think it was James Storm vs. Eric Young, but this was more intense than most of their recap packages, which is a good thing.

Susan vs. Tenille Dashwood

Deonna Purrazzo and Kaleb With A K are here too. Susan wins a test of strength to start but gets reversed into a sunset flip for an early near fall. Purrazzo offers a distraction from the floor though and we take a break. Back with Dashwood caught in a full nelson and getting slammed down onto her face. Susan shouts at her about something, with Dashwood seeming confused. A slugout goes to Dashwood, who sends her into the corner for the Taste of Tenille. The Tarantula sets up the Spotlight Kick to finish Susan at 8:07.

Rating: D+. This was little more than a squash to boost Dashwood up a little more before the pay per view. Dashwood looked fine here, but there is nothing here that makes me think we are in for some classic on Sunday. At the same time, what in the world has happened to Su Yung? This Susan stuff is really dull and seems like a horrible waste of her talent. Why would you take someone who was unique and interesting and make them the exact opposite? Find something else for her to do and get rid of this stuff.

Post match Dashwood calls Purrazzo into the ring and says she has done more for women’s wrestling than Purrazzo, who wouldn’t be here without her. So keep the title shiny because Dashwood has a photo shoot ready for it. Purrazzo looks ticked.

Brian Myers isn’t stuck in the past like Matt Cardona, so on Sunday, Myers is taking him out.

More wrestlers make Swann vs. Omega picks.

Video on Swann vs. Omega.

Sami Callihan says Trey Miguel threw everything away. He saw something in Trey and now it is time to make an example out of him. This Sunday it is Last Man Standing as Callihan is going to give him a chance to get back up…..before making sure he can never walk again.

Shera vs. Jake Something

Rohit Raju is here with Shera and I do like the rain looking graphics around the arena during Jake’s entrance. Shera slams him down to start and drops a heavy elbow for two. Back up and Jake slugs away, setting up the discus forearm for a knockdown. Raju offers a distraction though and Shera hits the Sky High to finish Jake at 3:22.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here with Shera getting a random match to give him a push. I’m not going to buy that going anywhere because there is no reason to think it is going to matter, but at least they are trying something with him. Speaking of Something, Jake has fallen through the floor and given his ring name, I’m not at all surprised. It’s the difference between one off indy appearances and a regular national promotion, but that has been lost on today’s generation.

Trey Miguel talks to his fellow trainer at his wrestling school and rants about how he has to prove himself to Sami Callihan for some reason. He’s ready to show who he is on Sunday.

We hit the Trey training montage.

Video on Josh Alexander vs. TJP vs. Ace Austin for the X-Division Title at Rebellion.

Here’s Rich Swann for a chat, with Striker saying that anyone who has ever put a piece of wrist tape on their wrist before a match has something in common with him. As someone who has never wrestled, I feel rather detached from the following segment. Swann talks about how he made a mistake last week when he tried to shake Omega’s hand last week, so get out here right now.

Kenny Omega and Don Callis pop up on screen to talk about how excited they are to have Omega win a third title. He needs a bigger house and another Swiss bank account. Goodbye and good night, bang. They leave….and here’s the returning Moose. He’s here to congratulate Swann because he has had a long time to think about what happened at Sacrifice.

Moose has some advice for Swann, who should be ready for this match because he took the TNA Title from a wrestling god. Swann has been shown what pain really feels like and Moose is bigger, stronger and faster than Omega. The only advantages Omega has are his three stooges, so Swann better not lose those titles.

More predictions.

Taylor Wilde is coming back and we actually see her for a change.

Kiera Hogan vs. Jordynne Grace

Tasha Steelz is here with Hogan. Grace jumps her to start and grabs a quick torture rack. That doesn’t last long so Grace sends her into the corner and comes out with a MuscleBuster, which draws in Steelz for the DQ at 1:55.

Post match the beatdown is on but the debuting Rachael Ellering runs in for the save to be Grace’s partner. Grace: “Rachael Ellering is going to be my partner at Rebellion!” In case you weren’t paying attention.

From Rebellion 2020: Chris Bey wins a four way match.

FinJuice mocks the Good Brothers for their excuses and now it is time for them to lose again.

Video on Omega vs. Swann.

Here’s what’s coming with Wrestle Week.

Commentary runs down the Rebellion card.

Eric Young vs. Eddie Edwards

The rest of Violent By Design, James Storm, Chris Sabin and Willie Mack are all here. Young is wrestling this on a torn ACL, which isn’t mentioned by commentary. They grapple against the ropes to start until Eddie snaps off a headlock takeover. An atomic drop into an overhead belly to belly send Young flying and we take a break.

Back with Edwards working on a front facelock but Young fights up and gets Eddie’s leg tied in the rope. That’s enough for Young to send him outside and it’s time to tease the big brawl. Back in and we hit the chinlock on Eddie for a bit. Young goes up but gets superplexed back down for the big crash. They slug it out with Eddie getting the better of it but Young slips out of the Backpack Stunner.

Instead Eddie hits a Blue Thunder Bomb as Striker thanks everyone for being so nice to him around here. As I try to fathom someone liking Matt Striker’s commentary, Young is back with a Death Valley Driver for two of his own. A tiger driver gives Eddie two more but Young rolls outside before the Boston Knee Party. Everyone gets in a fight on the floor, leaving Young to small package Eddie for the pin at 15:05.

Rating: C+. Pretty good main event here, especially considering Young’s injury. I wouldn’t have bet on them being able to do something this well all things considered but it worked out. Having the ending go the way it did was a surprise and one that I’ve always liked. There is something cool about going with one big move after another and then finishing with a quick cradle. Good match, and Young’s injury makes it more impressive.

The big brawl is on as Striker goes nuts hyping up the pay per view to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I was hoping for something other than Swann vs. Omega getting the focus here but that’s ALL they did with this show. It is certainly the biggest match on the card but egads it’s kind of hard to get interested in a match that AEW has given all of the focus of a 3:30am infomercial about buying real estate for no money down. The rest of the show was just kind of there, as this was all about the title match. That’s a logical idea, but it wasn’t the most entertaining night in the world.

Results

Good Brothers b. Decay – Magic Killer to Crazzy Steve

Tenille Dashwood b. Susan – Spotlight kick

Shera b. Jake Something – Sky High

Jordynne Grace b. Kiera Hogan via DQ when Tasha Steelz interfered

Eric Young b. Eddie Edwards – Small package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 23, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: D’Lo Brown, Matt Striker

We’re still starting the build to Rebellion but first up we need to get through another Impact Plus special. Things have changed around here though as for once that does not sound like the worst thing. I’m not sure what to expect here but last week’s show was not the strongest in the world. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Jake Something vs. Deaner

Tables match. Deaner goes straight for the bite to the nose as commentary actually tries to compare the two of them. Jake is right back with a running clothesline to the back of the head and it’s time for the first table. That takes a little too long though and the table is dropkicked into Jake’s face. Jake fights back and puts the table over the middle rope in the corner, setting up a Michinoku Driver….in the middle of the ring instead of near the table.

Back up and Deaner avoids a charge to send Jake throat first into the edge of the table. Another table is bridged between the ring and the barricade and they fight to the apron. Jake is knocked to the floor and Deaner tries a flip dive, but Jake pulls it out of the air. With that broken up, Deaner rams the edge of the bridged table into Jake’s chest.

Deaner goes up top but Jake catches him, only to have Deaner escape a superplex attempt. A hair mare brings Jake down but he’s right back with a sitout powerbomb. A powerslam off the steps is broken up so they head to the stage. The Deaner DDT is broken up as well, followed by a powerbomb being escaped as well. Jake staggers down the aisle so Deaner charges….right into a Black Hole Slam to give Jake the win at 9:41.

Rating: C. This was a decent enough tables match and I’m rather impressed by what the Deaners could pull off, as they went from insufferable to this in just a few months. I’m not needing to see these two again and Jake Something is the most indy name you could ask for, but at least they did something nice enough here.

Post match here’s Moose to drive Jake through a table. Moose sits in a chair and says there is not going to be a show until Rich Swann comes out here. Post break, Moose is still waiting but here’s Scott D’Amore instead. Moose isn’t leaving, even when D’Amore says Swann isn’t in the building. Cue Jake Something, with Moose telling him not to do this. D’Amore likes the idea though and yeah we will have a World Title match tonight because the TNA World Title is officially recognized again.

Commentary goes over what’s coming tonight.

Trey Miguel/Willie Mack/Josh Alexander vs. Chris Bey/Ace Austin/Black Taurus

The winning team faces each other in a triple threat match next week to crown a new #1 contender (that’s quite Russoish). Bey and Miguel start, with Striker saying they are the aces of the teams. As you try to get your head around that one, Trey takes Bey down by the arm to start. It’s quickly off to Austin, with Striker not bothering to call him the Ace. Trey sends him into the corner so Mack can send him into the corner as well.

Austin slips out of the swinging slam and it’s Taurus coming in for the battle of the jumps/flips. A hurricanrana puts Taurus down and there’s a dropkick into the corner. Alexander comes in for a Regal Roll but has to knock an invading Bey off the apron. That lets Taurus get up for some chops in the corner but Alexander is right back with his own. Taurus pops up and runs the corner for a twisting flip dive to drop Alexander though and we take a break.

Back with Bey’s running hurricanrana being countered into a powerbomb backbreaker to give Alexander a breather. That’s enough for the hot tag to Miguel to pick up the pace, including a jumping elbow to Austin’s back for two. Everything breaks down with Alexander taking Bey down with a dive. Mack plants Austin and goes up, only to get crotched on top. The Fold drops Mack again but Miguel and Alexander make the double save.

A huge backbreaker plants Miguel but Alexander is right back up with a German suplex to Taurus. Austin counters the ankle lock and Bey plants Alexander with a slingshot DDT. Mack takes Bey down but has to bail out of the Six Star. A heck of a dropkick into the corner sets up the Art of Finesse to finish Mack at 10:50. Striker: “FINALLY!”

Rating: B-. Good action as expected, but I’m trying to figure out the FINALLY. What’s worthy of a finally? Bey, who has already been X-Division Champion, has beaten Mack before and it’s not like it’s some big rivalry. Anyway, if Bey and company were going to win, Mack was the only one to take the fall so this works well enough. As per tradition, the X-Division works rather well.

The winners argue over who should win the triple threat.

A frustrated Trey Miguel walks to the back and Sami Callihan is waiting on him. Callihan asks if Trey is going to give up again but Trey jumps him.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Decay retains the Tag Team Titles over the BroMans at Slammiversary 2016.

Decay talks about how they have been gone for a long time but now it is time for the resurrection of the death dealers. Without death there is no light and they are nature’s pestilence. This felt a lot better than anything the three of them have done in a long time.

AEW’s Tony Schiavone and Tony Khan, this time flanked by a bunch of AEW wrestlers, including Team Taz, Britt Baker, Matt Hardy and more, are glad to be doing more charity work. Khan (who Schiavone calls the Forbidden Door) refers to himself as the Biggest Mark In Professional Wrestling and the wrestlers cut mini promos about how they are ready for their matches this week. Schiavone gives us a more traditional rundown.

Nevaeh tells Havok that she needs some time away and won’t listen to Havok trying to talk her out of it. Nevaeh leaves and here are Kaleb With A K (in a neck brace) and Tenille Dashwood to propose a new team with Havok. That’s a big negative, but Kaleb With A K thinks there’s chemistry.

XXXL vs. Good Brothers

Non-title. Larry runs Anderson over to start but gets sent into the corner for a fall away slam from Gallows. It’s off to Romero, with Striker talking about how Romero looks like Adrian Adonis. With that image out of the way, Romero drives Anderson into the corner and brings Larry back in to choke on the ropes. We hit the chinlock on Anderson but he jawbreaks his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Gallows and house is cleaned. The Magic Killer finishes Larry at 5:55.

Rating: D+. Pretty much just a workout for the Brothers here, though the Magic Killer on someone Larry’s size was impressive. I can go for seeing a match like this and XXXL have just enough status to make it mean something. If nothing else it meant I didn’t have to hear the Brothers talking and that’s a plus.

We go to Swinger’s Palace, where James Storm and Chris Sabin are making money but Rohit Raju comes in and takes the card they need, costing them a lot of money. Storm is ready to fight but Sabin says this isn’t happening because he loves Swinger’s Palace. A match is set up between Raju and Storm for later.

The Good Bros ask FinJuice about their beers but FinJuice points out that it took them a bit to beat XXXL. FinJuice talk about how great the Brothers are but make a few jokes so Gallows has to hold Anderson back.

Eddie Edwards vs. Brian Myers

Hold on though as Myers comes out in street clothes. Myers has retained a lawyer and is accusing Impact for an unsafe working environment over his eye injury. Therefore Myers can’t wrestle so here’s a replacement.

Eddie Edwards vs. Hernandez

Eddie dives onto Hernandez before the bell and they get inside to get things going. Hernandez is knocked to the floor but cuts off a dive by sweeping the legs, sending Edwards back first into the apron. Myers gets in a few shots to the face and there’s the big shoulder to send Edwards flying. Eddie catches Hernandez on top though and it’s a superplex to bring them back down. The Border Toss is loaded up but Eddie gets out and goes up, meaning it’s a middle rope Boston Knee Party for the pin at 2:30.

Post break Matt Cardona comes up to Brian Myers, who doesn’t want to hear it. Scott D’Amore comes in to say he has talked to the lawyer, See, that contract is rather technical and the clause they use says Myers has to be cleared by an Impact doctor….and he has been so next week it’s Myers vs. Edwards in an Eye For An Eye match. And Cardona can referee! Myers protests and OF COURSE we aren’t doing an Eye For An Eye match because that would be stupid. The company that had a reality show, a whodunit over a split personality and a casino is complaining about something being ridiculous?

Kimber Lee/Susan vs. Jordynne Grace/Jazz

For the #1 contendership to the Tag Team Titles and Deonna Purrazzo is here with Lee and Susan. Jazz flips her way out of Susan’s waistlock and Gator Rolls her for a bonus. Some crossface forearms keep Susan in trouble but Purrazzo grabs Jazz’s leg for a distraction. Cue ODB to jump Purrazzo and that’s good for an ejection as we take a break. Back with Jazz fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught before she can get over to Grace. Forearms in the corner set up Susan’s chinlock to keep Jazz down.

Another comeback attempt is cut off so it’s back to Lee, who is headbutted down in a hurry. Grace gets the tag to clean house and Lee is knocked to the floor. A double gordbuster gets two on Susan and there’s a torture rack to make it even worse. Susan slips out so Grace plants her again with a German suplex. A poke to the eye sets up an ankle lock on Grace, who powers out in a hurry and finishes with the Grace Driver at 10:48.

Rating: C-. The Knockouts Tag Team Titles continue to be a bit of a problem as there are a lot of people involved in the division but there is little reason to have them team up other than they have to. That was the case with Grace and Jazz, but at least Susan and Lee are in the same group. That isn’t quite enough to warrant a team, but you kind of have to deal with it in a division like this.

ODB has been attacked and Grace/Jazz think it was Deonna Purrazzo.

Here’s what’s coming next week.

TNA World Title: Moose vs. Jake Something

Moose is defending but Jake jumps him from behind and literally steals the spotlight during his entrance. They fight on the floor and we take a break, coming back with nothing seeming to have changed. Jake throws him in for the opening bell, with Moose saying bring it on. Moose hits a running charge in the corner and starts choking on the ropes, followed by the trash talking chop in the corner. Jake’s face is sent into the apron and his ribs are sent into the barricade so Moose can chill for a bit inside.

Back in and Jake grabs the wrist for a series of clotheslines. A big one turns Moose inside out but he’s right back up to walk into the Michinoku Driver for two. Jake goes up but Moose nails him with a good dropkick and the top rope superplex is good for the double knockdown. The spear is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two and they’re both down. They get back up for the big slugout with Moose nailing a pump kick. A release Rock Bottom sets up a release Rock Bottom into the discus lariat to knock Jake silly. Now the spear can retain at 6:51.

Rating: C. Jake looked good here and while I’m still not wild on the rather indy name, it was nice to see someone fresh getting to showcase themselves. It was a good power brawl and while the ending wasn’t in doubt, at least they offered a new name in the main event. Now if only Jake can get away from Violent By Design, he might be able to jump up the ladder a bit.

Post match Moose grabs the chair but Rich Swann runs in for the save. Referees break it up so here’s Scott D’Amore to make the title match at Sacrifice on March 13. Striker: “When you make a deal with the devil, you cannot negotiate the price.”

Overall Rating: C. This was a perfectly serviceable show which had some acceptable matches and moved some stories forward. At the same time though there is nothing worth going out of your way to see and Striker was his usual annoying self. In other words, it’s right in the middle and that is kind of an upgrade for the show. The lack of annoying stuff helped a lot too, though I have no reason to believe it won’t be there again next week.

Results

Jake Something b. Deaner – Spinebuster through a table

Chris Bey/Ace Austin/Black Taurus b. Josh Alexander/Willie Mack/Trey Miguel – Art of Finesse to Mack

Good Brothers b. XXXL – Magic Killer to Larry D.

Eddie Edwards b. Hernandez – Middle rope Boston Knee Party

Jordynne Grace/Jazz b. Kimber Lee/Susan – Grace Driver to Susan

Moose b. Jake Something – Lights Out

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Hard To Kill 2021
Date: January 16, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Matt Striker, D’Lo Brown

We’re back on pay per view with this one and that means it is time to step things up. This time around, the big story is AEW’s Kenny Omega coming in to team with the Good Brothers against Rich Swann/Moose/Chris Sabin (as Alex Shelley is out due to some personal circumstances). The card isn’t looking great but Impact can do some good pay per views. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Josh Alexander vs. Brian Myers

Alexander takes him down by the leg to start and then spins out of a wristlock to put Myers down again. They head outside with Myers being driven back first into the apron but Myers shoves him hard off the top. We take a break and come back with Myers grabbing a quickly broken chinlock. Myers trips him down to cut off the comeback and the chinlock goes on again. That’s broken up as well so Myers hits a Downward Spiral for two, sending us to another break.

Back again with a discus forearm putting Myers on the floor. Alexander can’t get a German suplex but he can get the ankle lock, followed by the German suplex for two. Myers catches him with an enziguri on top, setting up the superplex with Alexander tying the legs up into a small package for two more.

A quick Michinoku Driver gives Myers two so Alexander backslides him for the same (with Striker throwing in a Kerry Von Erich vs. Ric Flair reference because he tries way too hard). The ankle lock goes on and Myers can’t roll out, so instead he pulls the headgear around to blind Alexander. That’s enough for the running clothesline to finish Alexander at 10:54.

Rating: C-. Are they kidding? Who in the world looks at Myers and Alexander (especially including their histories and thinks that Myers, as “The Most Professional Wrestler”, is the more interesting choice? I don’t get this one, but I’m hoping they have a better idea than just pushing him because he used to be in WWE. Baffling decision here, and it came after a just ok match.

The opening video looks at how people had to survive a lot over the year but they are hard to kill. This includes a good bit of AEW footage, plus Alex Shelley announcing that he will not be able to be here tonight. Moose is taking his place, which could be a bit better.

Decay vs. Tenille Dashwood/Kaleb With A K

That would be Rosemary/Crazy Steve. The men start things off with Steve headlocking him down and then tripping the leg. Rosemary comes in to crank on the arm and then hands it back to Steve. Kaleb sends him outside but thinks twice about the dive, instead bringing Dashwood in to elbow Rosemary in the face. Some shots to the back have Rosemary in more trouble and we hit the chinlock, complete with Dashwood rubbing Rosemary’s head.

Kaleb takes too much time going up though and Dashwood gets kicked into him for the crotching. Rosemary kicks Dashwood away again and the hot tag brings in Steve to start cleaning house. A rollup out of the corner brings Dashwood in for the save so Steve glares her out to the floor. Kaleb takes over on Steve’s arm, setting up a Russian legsweep for no cover.

Instead Kaleb stops for a photo, meaning Steve can avoid the moonsault. That’s enough for Rosemary to come in and clean house as everything breaks down. Rosemary hits a spear but walks into Kaleb’s superkick. The green mist hits Dashwood and Kaleb backfists Steve down. More mist blinds Kaleb and Steve hits a tornado DDT for the pin at 8:55.

Rating: C. Kind of a weird choice for an opener as the match wasn’t really a big part of the build (I’m not even sure I remember it being mentioned on TV) and it was just ok anyway. Rosemary and Steve work well together and while it’s nice to see Kaleb take the fall, it’s another miss for Dashwood. Not terrible by any means, but not a great match with a weird placement.

We run down the card. Still makes little sense on a pay per view.

We recap (with the video starting before Striker was done talking) Eric Young and company attacking various people around here. That means it’s time for Tommy Dreamer to defend his latest wrestling home, meaning we have a six man Old School tag.

Violent By Design vs. Tommy Dreamer/Rhino/Cousin Jake

Old School (extreme) rules. That would be the name for Eric Young/Deaner/Joe Doering, because every team needs a name now. Striker: “I don’t think there is anyone who has done what Tommy Dreamer has done over the last thirty years at such a high level.” I think we can write that off as the first stupid Striker line of the night and move on. The ring is mostly cleared to start and it’s Jake vs. Deaner n the big showdown.

They’re out on the floor in a hurry as we go to a triple screen (THANK YOU!) until everyone winds up on the same side at ringside. The wild brawling continues until Dreamer brings in the cookie sheet to knock Young down. Back inside and a cutter drops Young again so it’s time for Rhino, Dreamer and Deaner to chair Doering down. That isn’t enough to keep him down as Doering gets up and bites Dreamer’s head.

Deaner throws Jake off the top onto two open chairs….and exactly thirty seconds later, Jake is back up with a suicide dive onto Doering and Young. That leaves Dreamer to crotch Deaner on top and it’s something like a Tower of Doom, with Dreamer getting kicked in the face in the process. Rhino posts Doering on the floor and it’s time for the thumbtacks. Young is backdropped onto said tacks and there’s the Gore to drop Doering. Jake’s Black Hole Slam gets two on Deaner with Young making the save with the hockey mask. The piledriver finishes Deaner at 9:51.

Rating: D+. They brawled, they did the same violent spots they always do, they tried to make Dreamer some kind of legend and Young was treated as the big evil. This was almost everything I don’t like about Impact rolled into one match and I have a bad feeling that it is going to be continuing for a good while to come. Throw in Doering being the latest monster without much of a reason to care about him other than who he associates with, we could be in for a long run with these guys.

Rich Swann fires up Chris Sabin when Moose comes in. Swann doesn’t trust Moose because Willie Mack would be here if Moose hadn’t taken him out. Moose talks about playing football with people he didn’t like but he would die for them once a game began. Tonight, Omega and the Brothers are getting beaten down all night long.

Video on the Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament.

Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament: Fire And Flava vs. Havok/Nevaeh

For the vacant titles and that would be Tasha Steelz/Kiera Hogan, because, again, every team needs a name these days. Steelz and Hogan jump them to start with little avail, meaning it’s Steelz and Nevaeh to officially get things going. Havok comes in so Steelz bails out to Hogan, who is promptly backbreakered. A sliding clothesline gives Nevaeh two and it’s back to Havok to wreck both of them.

Havok misses a legdrop so some kicks to the face put her down for two. More running kicks in the corner give Hogan two but Havok drives Steelz into the corner. Havok tosses both of them down at the same time, allowing the tag off to Nevaeh. Steelz DDTs Hogan by mistake (yep still stupid) but Nevaeh gets caught on top.

That’s fine with Havok, who powerbombs both of them out of the corner (after walking a bit to show off). Hogan is back up with a neckbreaker on Havok and a Stunner rocks her again. Havok gets taken to the floor, leaving Hogan to hit a fisherman’s neckbreaker to Nevaeh for the pin and the titles at 8:48.

Rating: C. They aren’t exactly in the mood to give the wrestlers time tonight. This was a fairly rushed match but it’s nice to have one of the established teams win rather than a makeshift pair becoming the champions. I’m not sure what kind of a future the titles have, but it was an acceptable enough start.

Madison Rayne and Gail Kim come out to present the new titles.

Decay comes up to Taya Valkyrie but she, politely says she has this tonight. The women leave and Acey Romero sneaks into the Knockouts locker room.

Here are the unscheduled Ace Austin and Madman Fulton for a chat. Austin does not like being relegated to the pre-show panel because he won the Super X Cup. That means he should be #1 contender to the X-Division Title. So come on Scott D’Amore. Get out here and make the match. Cue D’Amore who agrees Austin needs a match so here is his opponent.

Ace Austin vs. Matt Cardona

Striker: “This is a mark out moment and I’m marking out bro!” Cardona starts fast with a running faceplant to send Austin to the apron. That means Austin can do his gymnastics on the apron until Cardona trips him face first. As Striker talks about “popping the internet”, a swinging neckbreaker drops Austin onto the floor. Fulton’s distraction lets Austin get in a cheap shot but it’s a flapjack to put him down back inside. The running corner clothesline sets up the Reboot (Broski Boot) but Fulton comes in for the DQ at 2:33.

Post match Cardona clears the ring in a hurry.

We recap the X-Division Title match. TJP couldn’t get another title shot so he put on a mask as Manik and won the title. Rohit Raju and Chris Bey want to unmask him and prove everything so we’re having a triple threat title match.

X-Division Title: Chris Bey vs. Rohit Raju vs. Manik

Manik is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Manik dropkicks Bey to the floor to start and runs the ropes with Raju. Bey is back in and that means a three way standoff. Raju gets knocked down again and Bey uses him as a launchpad to dropkick Manik to the floor this time. That doesn’t last long as Manik and Bey switch places, allowing Raju to counter a headscissors into a reverse sitout powerbomb for two on Manik.

Bey comes back in and Raju misses a charge to the floor, allowing Manik to tie up Bey’s legs. Raju rejoins them for a standing armbar on Manik at the same time as Brown and Striker over if that is TJP or not. The double holds are broken up and Manik sends Raju outside, leaving Bey to hit a springboard kick to the head to catch Manik in the ropes. Bey misses a dive and gets apron bombed down for the mistake. Back in and Raju gets Manik’s mask off to reveal…a painted face.

Manik goes up top for a frog splash but dives into a cutter from Bey. A double Art of Finesse lets Bey cover Manik for two and everyone is down for a second. Raju is up first and ties Bey in the Tree of Woe, meaning Manik can come in with a springboard hurricanrana. The Detonation Kick connects with Bey making the save so he and Manik fight over a Tombstone.

Manik finally plants him but walks into a jumping knee from Raju. A kick to the face gives Raju two on Manik and everyone is down again. Raju is sent to the floor, leaving Manik to hit a springboard DDT on Bey. The frog splash hits Bey and Raju slides back in for two in a callback to what set this up. Raju throws Manik off the top but gets kicked in the head by Bey.

They go up top with Bey getting tied in the Tree of Woe again. Raju pulls Manik into a Crossface (which Striker says is a variation on the Regal Stretch, because, again, Striker tries too hard) until Bey makes the save. Manik rolls to the floor so Raju unloads with shots to Bey’s head, only to have Manik roll Raju up to retain at 13:52.

Rating: B. Now this was good as they were doing all of their spots in a hurry while making the match feel like a frenzy. That’s the kind of match you would want for a pay per view X-Division Title match and the show needed it pretty badly. Manik continues to be one of the best in-ring stars on the roster, but the painted face under the mask is a pretty weak way to keep things going.

Post match, Manik taunts Raju with the win.

Eddie Edwards tells Alisha that she can’t be involved in the Barbed Wire Massacre. She can’t be at risk because Eddie doesn’t know what is happening to him. Alisha promises not to go out there.

We recap Deonna Purrazzo vs. Taya Valkyrie. Purrazzo is the amazing champion, Valkyrie used to be the amazing champion, the title match is on.

Knockouts Title: Deonna Purrazzo vs. Taya Valkyrie

Purrazzo is defending and has Kimber Lee and Susan with her, while Taya has Decay. Taya knocks her into the corner to start and hammers away against the ropes. Purrazzo is knocked outside where Lee gets in a cheap shot and Susan starts recording Steve. The referee gets knocked down so it’s a big group ejection to leave us one on one. Striker is confused about whether the bell rang or not, because he was probably too busy making some reference to Georgia Championship Wrestling in 1983.

Back in and Purrazzo starts on the arm, including a Russian legsweep and a roll through into a Tequila Sunrise. Now it’s off to a kneebar so Taya has to go to the rope again. A DDT on the knee gets two but Taya is back up with chops and a spear for two. Purrazzo dropkicks the knee out but Taya runs her over again without much effort.

There’s a Curb Stomp into something like an STF, which Striker….actually doesn’t screw up (even a bad announcer finds the right move once a match). Back up and Taya can’t hit a tilt-a-whirl slam as Purrazzo takes her down into the Fujiwara Armbar. That’s switches into Cosa Nostra to retain the title at 11:35.

Rating: B-. I can go for watching these two doing their thing for a good while and that is what we got here. Purrazzo being able to pull someone into whatever painful hold she has at the moment and Taya can make almost anything work. This was exactly what it was supposed to be and I had a good time with it throughout. Above all else, it felt like a match that belonged on pay per view, which hasn’t been the case with everything else on the card so far.

Acey Romero comes up to John E. Bravo, who insists that Larry D. shot him. He calls Acey crazy but Acey found some of Larry’s Ring Rust cologne in a Knockouts bag. Bravo is intrigued. Sweet goodness WHY IS THIS STILL GOING???

We recap the fall of Ethan Page, who has gone rather insane and is feuding with his own alter ego, the Karate Man. Now it’s time for Page to fight himself.

Ethan Page vs. Karate Man

We go cinematic (duh) and they fight in front of a green screen, Mortal Kombat style. Page punches and Karate Man kicks as the background keeps changing. Then Karate Man pulls out Page’s heart to end it at we’ll say 2:30. So Page was REALLY unhappy about this online and if this is what they cobbled together after what seems like a lot of work went into it, I can completely get that. This was a waste of time from what could have been an entertaining idea and Page deserved a better way to go out than a segment which is getting as much time as the Wrestle House fallout.

Don Callis comes up to Moose in the back and reminds him that he has a two year contract. Callis suggests that if Moose hurts Kenny Omega, the contract may be ruined. Moose doesn’t want to hear it and says he’s coming for the Impact World Title. And maybe Omega’s too. Callis: “S***.”

We recap Sami Callihan vs. Eddie Edwards in Barbed Wire Massacre. They have feuded on and off for years now and this is the FINAL match, with Callihan having Ken Shamrock in his back pocket. Eddie has no one, as he has ordered his wife to stay away for her own safety.

Eddie Edwards vs. Sami Callihan

There are various barbed wire instruments around the ring, including one side of a cage with barbed wire on top/wrapped around it and various barbed wire weapons hanging from a wire above the top rope. Eddie avoids being driven into a barbed wire board in the corner, which falls over as they lock up. Sami is sent into the barbed wire in the ropes so Eddie whips out a barbed wire ring to press down onto Sami’s head. The board is on the mat but Sami is smart enough to push it out to the floor before he goes face first.

Eddie’s suicide dive (with a bit of a spin) sends him back first through the barbed wire board and Sami drops the Cactus Jack elbow for a bonus. Sami messes with some more barbed wire on the floor and takes it back inside for the slugout. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the wire and Sami whips him with a…..Nintendo 64 controller wrapped in barbed wire? I think I can go with this. Sami goes up but Eddie comes out with a backpack Stunner for the breather.

The Blue Thunder Bomb onto a barbed wire chair gets two on Sami but Eddie’s missed charge hits the cage wall. They hit each other in the head with barbed wire for a double knockdown so it’s time for a barbed wire kendo stick vs. the barbed wire bat. It’s better because they have the other’s signature weapon and it’s Sami dropping him onto the barbed wire board. Another barbed wire board is thrown in and Sami (mostly) bridges it between two chairs.

A super piledriver through the barbed wire board only gets two and there wasn’t even any drama on the kickout. I know it’s just a spot these days but can you at least try to have some drama in there? Sami loads up the bat to the chair on the face but Eddie kicks him away and hits the Boston Knee Party into a chair. The Emerald Flosion onto the barbed wire finishes Sami at 18:53.

Rating: B-. This is one where your individual tastes are certainly going to vary and that isn’t a big surprise. There were some completely ridiculous moments here but it felt like two people who hated each other wanting to hurt each other. The piledriver kickout was pretty ridiculous and I’m not a big fan of this kind of match in the first place, but it could have been a lot worse than what we got.

Rebellion is on April 24.

We recap the main event. Impact executive Don Callis brought in AEW World Champion Kenny Omega as part of some big elaborate plan which isn’t quite as epic as they think it is. Impact World Champion Rich Swann didn’t like it so Kenny hooked up with the Good Brothers against Swann and the Motor City Machine Guns. Alex Shelley is out for the six man though and Moose, Swann’s #1 contender and the man who hurt his best friend, is taking his place.

Kenny Omega/Good Brothers vs. Rich Swann/Moose/Chris Sabin

Don Callis is here too and handles Omega’s entrance (which Striker says is a moment fans will be telling their children about). Omega has a Bullet Club shirt (the Halloween edition for some reason) on, because we need to know New Japan history to understand the AEW World Champion’s reference in Impact Wrestling. Anderson drives Sabin into the corner to start and a shot to the face has Sabin in some trouble. An armdrag gets him right back out though and we have a standoff.

Moose and Gallows get in for the big man showdown with Moose knocking him around. Omega comes in, with Striker making both a hockey reference and saying that the Bullet Club reunion on Dynamite reminded us why we all love wrestling. It’s off to Anderson vs. Swann in a hurry with the latter snapping off a headscissors. Gallows and Omega are knocked to the floor and it’s a double dropkick to Anderson.

Moose adds a standing moonsault, with Striker saying that Moose now is the sport, a few seconds after talking about how amazing it was that the two World Champions are in a match together. Sabin gets taken into the corner so the villains can take over, including Omega hitting a backbreaker for two. Striker asks Brown if Omega is the best in the world and Brown seems to think so. There is NO MENTION AT ALL of the Impact Wrestling WORLD CHAMPION, who is in this same match, in case you needed an illustration of why Impact’s benefit from this Omega deal is rather limited.

Anderson grabs a chinlock on Sabin but the comeback sets up a double clothesline, allowing the tag to Omega and Swann (thankfully with Striker bringing Swann’s name in for the best wrestler in the world discussion). Everything breaks down and some assisted DDTs send the Brothers outside. Swann dives onto Omega but the frog splash is blocked back inside. Anderson adds a slam (with Sabin flipping him off), allowing Striker to talk about wrestling being a universal language.

The Kitaro Crusher gets two and a triple splash gets two on Swann. Back up and Swann manages a Pele to Omega and the hot tag brings in Moose. House is cleaned and the Omega BANG is mocked, setting up a triple boot to Omega in the corner. The discus lariat gets two on Omega (Striker: “HISTORY MADE TONIGHT!”) and now it’s Sabin in trouble in the corner for a change. Omega hits a Doctor Bomb for two on Sabin, who is right back up with a missile dropkick to Anderson.

Omega is up with the V Trigger to Swann but Moose catches him on top with a super Spanish Fly. Everyone is down again until Omega gets over for the hot tag to Gallows. The Boot of Doom gets two on Sabin with Swann making the save. Swann and Omega get the double tag for the big slugout with Omega getting the better of it. The other four fight outside until Moose pulls Omega off the top and into an electric chair.

Something close to a Doomsday Device gets two on Omega, with Callis teasing the save. Striker: “Some people think Callis has betrayed Impact Wrestling.” I actually had to sigh at how stupid that was so we’ll move on to Omega hitting the V Trigger on Swann. Some kicks put Omega down and the 450 gets two. The Magic Killer plants Swann and Moose has to make the save. Another V Trigger hits Moose and another V Trigger hits Swann, setting up the One Winged Angel for the pin at 20:26.

Rating: B. The wrestling itself was good, as expected, but it’s rather difficult to care about Impact when their World Champion is being presented as someone lucky enough to have Kenny Omega knee him in the face. Commentary here was a big love letter to AEW, which is being treated as the greatest thing ever as it reaches down to the unwashed masses of Impact. That may be true from a business standpoint, but why in the world is IMPACT acting like that is the case? It’s a good match and I think you know where this is heading, but could we act like Swann is close to Omega’s level? For five minutes maybe?

Omega and pals celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show started off rather badly but then it picked up a lot of steam just before the halfway point. The big matches worked rather well and completely saved the show, which is often how a show like this tends to go. They had a nice show, but there were some things that hurt it a bit, aside from the completely lackluster first hour or so.

First and foremost, the Omega worship was out of hand to start and is just getting worse. The main event didn’t make me want to see Swann vs. Omega. It made me think that Omega is treating Swann like a practice dummy, which is completely fitting for Omega. What it ISN’T fitting for is the commentary team, who seem to be in awe of Omega and treat their World Champion like a guy who won a contest. I know Omega is a bigger deal, but can we at least act like he might have trouble against the company’s World Champion?

Then you have Striker himself and…..I can’t believe it but he has gotten more annoying. Between acting like everything you see is the greatest thing that has ever happened, trying to turn every move into some brilliant strategy that ties back into some other move and name dropping EVERY SINGLE WRESTLER HE CAN THINK OF, Striker is one of the most irritating things I have ever seen on a wrestling show. It’s great to have someone who knows history, but there is a world of difference between sounding smart and being a distraction, which he was all night long.

Overall, the show did work well, but I’m worried about where this company is going in the future. They didn’t make some of their biggest stars look good in the main event and Striker is going to be as annoying as I could have ever imagined. There are some good things happening here, but if AEW is going to be a bigger presence, I’m going to be having flashbacks to New Japan coming in to Ring of Honor and leaving it as a near wasteland. They had a good show for the most part, but the future isn’t looking so bright.

Results

Decay b. Tenille Dashwood/Kaleb With A K – Tornado DDT to Kaleb With A K

Violent By Design b. Tommy Dreamer/Cousin Jake/Rhino – Piledriver to Deaner

Fire And Flava b. Havok/Nevaeh – Fisherman’s neckbreaker to Nevaeh

Matt Cardona b. Ace Austin via DQ when Madman Fulton interfered

Manik b. Rohit Raju and Chris Bey – Rollup to Raju

Deonna Purrazzo b. Taya Valkyrie – Cosa Nostra

Karate Man b. Ethan Page – Fatality

Eddie Edwards b. Sami Callihan – Emerald Flosion onto a barbed wire board

Kenny Omega/Good Brothers b. Rich Swann/Chris Sabin/Moose – One Winged Angel to Swann

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 21, 2017
Host: Josh Matthews

In a concept that is likely to draw a lot of jokes, this is a Best Of 2017 show with part two to follow next week. In other words there’s nothing new this week and we’ll be looking at a bunch of matches and segments from throughout the year. It’s probably not going to help the already low audiences though, making this a potentially very bad idea. Let’s get to it.

Note that since I’ll be copying and pasting the original versions of these matches, you’ll be seeing the full recaps. The versions that air on the show will likely be heavily clipped.

We get a quick look at the history of the company, basically saying they’re always changing.

From March 9 (with nothing saying the show’s date).

Here’s Bruce Prichard (formerly known as Brother Love) for a chat. Josh: “THIS IS WORSE THAN JB! WHO DUG THIS GUY UP???” He doesn’t remember Impact Wrestling being this way because he remembers people wanting to be great. They were almost there but for whatever reason, it didn’t all happen. This is not a rib but TNA is DEAD.

There are new owners and management, which means we have a new name: Impact Wrestling. These new owners are looking for people who have achieved greatness in the past, like Prichard himself. He was around when names like Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and John Cena got their start so he knows greatness. Now he brings out Lashley, who talks about beating everyone put in front of him.

Cue Alberto El Patron, who the announcers put over as a big deal. Unfortunately the crowd doesn’t put him over as that big of a deal, though the SI chant is pretty loud. Alberto calls him a perro but here’s Ethan Carter III to cut him off. Carter wants a shot but Del Rio is given a title shot instead as Prichard can just make decisions like that.

Again from March 9.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Lashley

Lashley is defending. Josh asks Pope if El Patron is going to be thrown off by the six sided ring but thankfully JB is there to say the six sided ring was invented in Mexico, meaning El Patron has a ton of experience. Pope gets in a good response by saying all the experience in the world doesn’t matter when you’re facing someone like Lashley. Nice little exchange there but it might be due to how horrible commentary has been all night.

Lashley takes him down in the corner to start and chokes with the boot before they head outside. Patron’s few strikes don’t work as Lashley knocks him outside again. A suplex gets two but it’s too early for the spear as Alberto dropkicks him down. The cross armbreaker over the ropes has Lashley in trouble and here Ethan Carter III to watch. Back from a break with Alberto making his comeback, only to have the ref get bumped.

Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker as a second referee comes in. Lashley powerbombs his way out of the hold (Pope: “HAYSTACKS CALHOUN WHAT A SLAM!”) and gets two off a spinebuster. The second referee is bumped and Lashley hits a second spinebuster. Lashley gets the belt but Alberto knocks it into the champ’s face for the pin and the title at 17:41.

Rating: D+. This was basically the WWE main event style and I’m really not wild about seeing that over and over again. It’s not a bad match or anything but having someone show up and win the title the night of their debut isn’t the best idea in the world, especially when it’s someone as uninteresting as Patron. At least the match was watchable though and Patron seems to be a face, which is the more interesting version.

The referees huddle and Lashley is livid as El Patron leaves to end the show. There’s a good chance that’s getting overturned.

Video on Alberto vs. Ethan Carter III.

Video on a variety of feuds, including Cody vs. Moose, Allie/Braxton Sutter vs. Laurel Van Ness and LAX vs. everyone.

Konnan and LAX promise violence.

From April 20.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Dezmond Xavier vs. Suicide vs. Andrew Everett vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. ???

Lee is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The last entrant is…..Low Ki, who hasn’t been around here for about two years. Low Ki is in the suit and there are no tags here, as is usually the custom. Dutt grabs a tornado DDT on Xavier while walking across everyone else’s chest in something out of the Matrix. A six way standoff sees Lee get dropkicked out to the floor.

Dutt moonsaults onto Suicide and Everett before sending Lee face first into the apron. Xavier avoids a Low Ki charge and moonsaults onto the pile as we take a break. Back with Everett taking the standing chest stomp from Lee. Trevor throws everyone out as Dutt seems to have an eye injury.

Things slow down a bit as Josh clarifies his status: “I said I’d leave. I left for a week and now I’m back.” Lee keeps throwing people out until Everett Pele’s him. We get a parade of kicks, including Xavier hitting a 619 around the post to Ki’s ribs. Dutt’s top rope splash gets two and Suicide does the fall onto everyone else. We’re officially in an overrun because we’re “LIVE” and you don’t know what’s going to happen.

Everett dives onto everyone but Xavier breaks up the shooting star. With Xavier on top, Everett tries a springboard reverse hurricanrana but only gets his legs on Xavier’s back. Thankfully Xavier lands on his feet instead of actually taking the move. Everett hits the Frankendriver on Lee, only to have Ki kick him to the floor. A top rope double stomp to Trevor gives Ki the title at 19:00.

Rating: C+. That would be annual “See, we care about the X-Division” match. I’ve never been a Low Ki fan and I’m even less of a fan of these multi-man cluster matches as they’re just a bunch of people doing spots until the final spot. On top of that, while it’s very nice to see some fresh blood, I’m so glad TNA wasted our time with the Everett vs. Lee story because HERE’S A BIG MULTI-MAN MATCH INSTEAD! The match was fun but it felt like a longer version of something we’ve seen many times before, which isn’t what the X-Division needs.

The announcers bicker again and Pope walks off. JB punches Josh to end the show.

From April 27.

Tag Team Titles: Decay vs. LAX

LAX is defending and this is a street fight. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Decay getting the better of it, including Abyss taking both champs down with a double clothesline. The barbed wire board is thrown in and it’s off to a break. Back with a large selection of weapons in the ring and Homicide hitting Abyss in the back with a chair.

It’s time for the kendo stick shots to the back as the champs keep dominating. Abyss saves Steve from a double superplex and throws him onto both champs. A chokeslam gets no cover so Abyss pelts a chair at Ortiz’s head. Rosemary mists Abyss by mistake though, allowing Santana to spear him through a barbed wire board. Diamante German suplexes Rosemary and Abyss is sandwiched between two barbed wire boards.

Steve comes back in though and gets two off a Death Valley Driver with Konnan making the save. Thankfully Steve doesn’t bother with Konnan but he does have to deal with Homicide. That goes nowhere so Steve puts Ortiz on a table and covers him with tacks, only to have Homicide make another save. The Street Sweeper through the table retains the titles at 13:37.

Rating: C+. Good brawl with the ending looking better than anything else, though it wasn’t much of a surprise to have LAX win. They’re a better team than I thought we were going to get so the tag division is starting to look good for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately that’s it for Decay as Steve is WWE bound but at least Decay was fun while they lasted.

Video on the India tour, including Dutt vs. Low Ki.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki

Dutt is challenging and still has his eyepatch on. A hard body shot puts Dutt down because he couldn’t see it coming thanks to the bad eye. The patch is pulled off and Dutt snaps off a hurricanrana into an armdrag. A dropkick sends Dutt to the floor and they fight into the crowd where Dutt has to escape a Ki Crusher.

Sonjay mostly misses a moonsault off the barricade but what looked to be Sliced Bread #2 is countered with a drop onto the steps. Back from a break with Low Ki stomping away and grabbing something like an abdominal stretch/Octopus Hold hybrid. Dutt fights out and Low Ki takes off the jacket, earning himself a great looking superplex.

Low Ki breaks up a sunset flip and snaps off a standing double stomp for two. A tornado DDT drops the champ (who has a bloody eye) and a top rope splash gives Dutt the title at 16:28. The commentary was rather horrible there as they barely reacted to either the setup or the title change.

Rating: B. Well that was sudden. There wasn’t exactly much of a build to the finish but at least they went with exactly what they should have done. This was the biggest layup of the entire taping cycle and they did exactly what they should have done without trying for some kind of a screwy finish.

Some wrestlers come out to celebrate with Dutt, including Shera putting him on his shoulders to end the show.

Josh wraps it up.

Overall Rating: C. I never know how to grade a Best Of show so we’ll go right in the middle. Above all else, the show really just illustrated how much things have changed in the last few months. Look around at what was going on in the first six months and compare it to now. It’s staggering how much different everything is in such a short amount of time.

The lack of a Knockouts match surprised me, but what didn’t surprise me was the company managing to botch something else: when they would jump to matches, many of them were joined in mid-SENTENCE. I know this company has no budget but they can’t even find someone to say “hey, maybe we should add an extra second to this so it doesn’t sound so weird”. At the end of the day, TNA is TNA and there’s no way around it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 27, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s back to Orlando and of course that means more from the battle of the announcers. Last week’s show ended with Low Ki becoming the new X-Division Champion but the last thing we saw was Jeremy Borash finally punching Josh Matthews in the face. I’m not sure where we go next but I have a feeling this doesn’t end until Slammiversary in July. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s show. Rewatching it doesn’t make it better.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show….and here’s Josh Matthews. This company will not tolerate bullying announcers and Borash is J. B. Loser because yes, this feud is now a parody/reference to the JBL/Mauro feud. Borash is suspended from commentary and gone indefinitely. Josh takes his place on commentary. So yeah: not only has Impact decided to have this feud keep going but now it’s referencing a feud that caused Mauro Ranallo some mental health issues along with his job.

Trevor Lee vs. Matt Sydal

Sydal is the former Evan Bourne and used to wrestle for the company. Therefore, the announcement of this being his debut is inaccurate as it would be his return, though that’s the least of this company’s problems. Sydal kicks at the legs to start but gets tossed outside. Back in and they trade some kicks with Sydal hitting something like Big Show’s Log Roll (standing legdrop) for two, only to have to deal with Gregory Helms. That goes badly for the Helms Dynasty though as some heel miscommunication sets up the shooting star press to give Sydal the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C-. That would now be two people in the X-Division using the shooting star press as their finisher. Sydal felt like someone out of the Cruiserweight Classic here with a bunch of kicks and then a high flying finisher. The division really needs some fresh blood but I’m not sure how much value Sydal really offers.

Sienna doesn’t think much of Karen Jarrett.

Here’s Ethan Carter III for a chat. After making fun of the “Make Impact Great” line, Carter talks about Bruce Prichard telling him to look in the mirror. Carter did just that and saw a demigod. He’s tired of hearing the fans telling him that they liked him better as a bad guy. Carter is going to Slammiversary to recover the glory that he never should have lost in the first place. That only leaves James Storm, who is all talk and doesn’t need to be in Carter’s world.

Cue Storm to say he’s not here to dance because he hasn’t had enough to drink and Carter isn’t a pretty lady. Storm calls him fugly and asks for a fight but Carter walks out. One more insult brings Ethan back inside for the fight with James easily getting the better of it. Carter hides behind a production assistant though and he gets in a low blow to leave Storm laying. This was a good idea for a segment but Storm was too calm about what happened last week.

KM yells at a waiter who thought the large man called his meal good. Apparently that’s what’s wrong with America today. This was basically a modern version of the Razor Ramon vignettes.

Christina Von Eerie is the GFW Women’s Champion and will fight anyone.

GFW Women’s Title: Christina Von Eerie vs. Ava Storie

Von Eerie is defending and starts fast with a running boot to the face. A few OY OY OY chants look to set up a fireman’s carry but Storie slips out and hammers away. Josh brags about breaking JB’s streak of consecutive Impact’s because he forgets that JB was already on the show. Storie puts her on the middle rope but gets caught in a kind of super Backstabber to retain Von Eerie’s title at 2:58. Von Eerie was fine but forcing the GFW Champions in still doesn’t quite work.

Swoggle comes through the crowd and messes with Spud’s hair.

Low Ki talks about wanting to revive the X-Division, which is always changing.

Video on Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards.

Alberto El Patron thinks he should be #1 contender but here’s Magnus, who says he should get the shot because the GFW Title is a golden ticket. Stephanie Jarrett comes in and makes a GFW Title match for the #1 contendership.

Video on Moose, complete with Monday Night Football music.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Davey Richards

Moose is defending and has NFL Pro Bowlers D’Angelo Williams and Gary Barnidge in his corner. Moose throws Richards into the corner to start but gets superkicked in the leg to bring him off the ropes. Actually hang on a second as Davey stops to kiss Angelina Love. We hit a Figure Four for a long time until Moose grabs the rope with three seconds left.

Davey easily wins the first round but gets caught in an early powerbomb to start the second. Moose’s moonsault gets two but the Game Changer is blocked by more kicks. A hard running clothesline turns Davey inside out for two but he grabs the ropes until the clock runs out.

Moose wins the round to tie it up and dropkicks Davey out to the floor to start the third. Back in and Davey powerbombs his way out of a belly to belly superplex, followed by a top rope double stomp for two. We hit an ankle lock but here’s Eddie Edwards to jump Davey at 9:30 to keep the title on Moose. A previous Grand Championship match was No DQ but I don’t think the company even understands why this is still a thing.

Rating: C. The ending doesn’t help as they can’t even remember the rules for this title but at least it was a good match before we got there. They’re building Moose up as a champion that means something and that’s going to make the title change feel like something a lot more important when it finally happens.

The NFL guys shove Richards down and Barnidge gets in a slam. A few weeks ago he has one of the best brawls the company has seen in months and now he’s taking a bump that Rockstar Spud probably would have taken.

Swoggle rips up Spud’s notes so Spud pulls off Swoggle’s pants.

Matt Sigmon vs. Kongo Kong

Kongo has Laurel Van Ness, Sienna and KM with him. Sigmon’s shots to the ribs have no effect and Kongo gives him a sitout powerslam. The Cannonball sets up the top rope splash for the pin at 2:11.

Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War

The Veterans are Mayweather (Crimson) and Wilcox (Jax Dane, former NWA World Champion). Thankfully Mayweather’s previous character is acknowledged but Josh would rather talk about the (admittedly awesome) deals on ShopTNA.com. Mario gets backdropped so it’s off to the huge Bahh. Wilcox hits a very impressive delayed Samoan drop and a High/Low gets two on Fallah. A double suplex has no effect on Mayweather so it’s a Magic Killer for the pin on Mario at 3:30.

Rating: C+. VOW looked good and I’d be interested in seeing how their offense looks on a normal sized opponent. My goodness Bahh and Bokara looked worthless here. They’re the Monster Factory Tag Team Titles because we NEED to acknowledge a training school’s titles. If you’re going to have them lose a match in such short fashion, just use jobbers.

Mayweather says the Veterans of War aren’t just characters because it’s who they are. He says they’d answer the call to go fight again at the drop of a hat but for now, they’re bringing the fight to Impact. They look forward to getting a shot at the Tag Team Titles because together, they are one. That worked very well and this team looks a lot better than most of the recent additions.

Swoggle, now in a towel, beats on Spud with a HAMMER. He hits him probably seven or eight times and is ejected by security. I know Swoggle isn’t full sized but he’s a professional wrestler and presumably lifts weights so shouldn’t these hammer shots break bones or potentially kill Spud?

Eli Drake rants about being ignored and Tyrus doesn’t think much of it.

Tag Team Titles: Decay vs. LAX

LAX is defending and this is a street fight. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Decay getting the better of it, including Abyss taking both champs down with a double clothesline. The barbed wire board is thrown in and it’s off to a break. Back with a large selection of weapons in the ring and Homicide hitting Abyss in the back with a chair.

It’s time for the kendo stick shots to the back as the champs keep dominating. Abyss saves Steve from a double superplex and throws him onto both champs. A chokeslam gets no cover so Abyss pelts a chair at Ortiz’s head. Rosemary mists Abyss by mistake though, allowing Santana to spear him through a barbed wire board. Diamante German suplexes Rosemary and Abyss is sandwiched between two barbed wire boards.

Steve comes back in though and gets two off a Death Valley Driver with Konnan making the save. Thankfully Steve doesn’t bother with Konnan but he does have to deal with Homicide. That goes nowhere so Steve puts Ortiz on a table and covers him with tacks, only to have Homicide make another save. The Street Sweeper through the table retains the titles at 13:37.

Rating: C+. Good brawl with the ending looking better than anything else, though it wasn’t much of a surprise to have LAX win. They’re a better team than I thought we were going to get so the tag division is starting to look good for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately that’s it for Decay as Steve is WWE bound but at least Decay was fun while they lasted.

A lot of posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show started off really, really bad but the second half was a good bit better. The tag division is going to have to carry the show as the main event stuff with the multiple World Titles is getting already tiresome but that’s the case up and down the card. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that the best division at the moment is one of the only ones with a single title. There’s some very bad stuff on here though with the JB/Josh opening segment being more sickening than anything else and Kongo Kong being an embarrassment but the show somehow worked well enough to pass for another week.

Results

Matt Sydal b. Trevor Lee – Shooting star press

Christina Von Eerie b. Ava Storie – Super Backstabber

Davey Richards b. Moose via DQ when Eddie Edwards interfered

Kongo Kong b. Matt Sigmon – Top rope splash

Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Magic Killer to Bokara

LAX b. Decay – Street Sweeper through a table to Steve

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 16, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

The big story coming out of last week is the full on split of the Wolves as Davey Richards cost Eddie Edwards his last shot at the TNA World Title. While you can probably guess the reason behind the split, it should be interesting to hear the actual explanation. Other than that we also have the saga of Braxton Sutter and company which seems to be setting up a wedding. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Expedition of Gold, which will take the Hardys to Tijuana, Mexico this week.

Video on Davey turning on Eddie.

Moose/Brandi Rhodes vs. Crazzy Steve/Rosemary

I know I say it every time she’s out but Brandi is a very beautiful woman. Moose is wrestling in a shirt for some reason here. The guys get things going with Steve bouncing off Moose multiple times. Rosemary offers a distraction so Steve can take over, which must last for a good fifteen seconds. Abyss’ interference does a bit better and everything breaks down with Decay taking over.

Moose will have none of that and LAUNCHES Steve onto Abyss at ringside. Rosemary jumps onto Moose’s back and it’s time for Brandi’s still awkward chops (yeah they’re still awkward but she’s only had a few months of ring time and she’s clearly trying as hard as she can). A middle rope missile dropkick puts Rosemary down as Pope still tries to get Mini-Moose over as a nickname. The matching pump punches have Decay in trouble and stereo Game Changers are enough for the double pin at 5:43.

Rating: C-. For someone who hasn’t even been in the ring for a year, Brandi already looks more comfortable than a lot of the Diva era wrestlers. Like, she’s already miles better than Torrie Wilson or the Kat or anyone like that, which may not sound like much but it suggests that she has a bright future if she wants to stay in the ring. I’m sure we’ll get to the “where’s Cody” stuff later on and that’s where we get the feud out of this.

Eddie Edwards isn’t here to talk because he wants to hurt Davey.

Moose tells Brandi he’s there for her whenever she needs. There was no hint of anything romantic in the way he said it.

We look back at the end of last week’s show.

Eddie calls out Davey but he gets Angelina Love instead, saying there’s no Davey until she says so. Basically Eddie abandoned Davey while he was recovering from knee surgery and forgot about his “brother”. Love says Eddie can have Davey now and introduces the American Wolf (new nickname) but Eddie cuts her off and says to let go of her husband’s balls.

Davey grabs the mic and goes on a rant about how he created the team and the Wolves’ Nation. Richards offers him a chance to leave but Eddie goes straight up the aisle to start the brawl. Security breaks it up so Eddie says this isn’t over as Davey tries to crawl in the ring. We get a challenge for a street fight later tonight and Davey seems more than game.

Ok….that was great. I was really, REALLY worried about this feud when I first heard about it because their ROH feud was such a disaster but this already fixed the major problem of the ROH version: there’s a reason for them to hate each other. The previous one was a bunch of “I respect you but I want Dan Severn to train me because this is suddenly an MMA promotion” and I have no idea why that’s supposed to entertain me. This felt like two guys who wanted to kill each other and they got to the point immediately. I can easily go for something like that.

Mike Bennett has a bachelor party for Braxton Sutter, who is miserable. It’s basically a frat party with people all around thirty years old and Sutter wants to leave.

It’s off to Tijuana where the Hardys are challenging for the Mexican Tag Team Championships of the World. Matt and Jeff demand to speak to the promoter and yell in Spanish at a luchador who speaks English. Konnan, the promotion’s owner, wants to make money off their appearance.

Now we have Laurel Van Ness’ bachelorette party with Allie having st up a very sweet room with streamers, balloons and confetti everywhere. Maria yells at her for making it look like a children’s party. Allie is devastated when she hears about how it’s for Laurel and Braxton’s wedding.

Kingston vs. Jesse Godderz

Kingston chops away to start and shrugs off a dropkick by raking the eyes. We hit the choking on the middle rope before Jesse makes his comeback with clotheslines and a Blockbuster for two. An STO puts Jesse down for the same but he nails a quick enziguri. Godderz hits a springboard….I guess we’ll say forearm for the pin at 4:11.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here and again I don’t get the idea of having the DCC losing so often. This was a completely clean pinfall loss to Jesse Godderz of all people and that’s a really bad sign. I can’t even think of a signature win for them at this point and that’s horrible after they debuted so strong.

The DCC comes out post match but Jesse is smart enough to bail.

The bachelor party continues to be horrible with an overweight man crushing the drug dealer.

Allie tries to liven the party up with noisemakers but Maria yells at her again. Sienna just wants to drink.

Tyrus has taken over Fact of Life and brings out someone who was never his friend: Eli Drake, whose arm is in a sling. Drake can’t sit at the desk so the sling comes off in a hurry. Eli yells at Tyrus for making decisions that he didn’t approve of and not watching his back like Tyrus is supposed to do. No one owns Tyrus and a match is made for next week.

Back in Tijuana (this show has more scene cuts than a Total Divas episode), Konnan says he can’t pay the Hardys but his messenger says they don’t want money. The Hardys come in to see Konnan and agree to wrestle for the titles for no pay. Matt: “Money is for marks.” The Hardys leave and Konnan tells the staff to start making and selling as much bootleg Hardy merchandise as they can.

Maria yells at Allie for the amount of pink at the party. Allie can be a ring bearer next week and gets frosting thrown in her face. The ladies take the gifts (including lingerie) and leave.

We get the match from Tijuana with the Hardys challenging Super Crazy and Psicosis for the Crash Tag Team Titles. While the match is going on, the promotion’s women hit on Vanguard I because the women of this promotion aren’t all that smart. We only see clips of the match with the Hardys hitting all their signature stuff to win with a Swanton to Crazy. Of note: the referee was blurred out because he works for Lucha Underground, who threatened legal action against TNA if they showed one of their contracted workers.

After the match, the Hardys teleport back to North Carolina before Konnan and company can stop them. Konnan: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DISAPPEARED???” Back in North Carolina, the Hardys literally throw the belts into a bag and go off to win the Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Titles next week. Hint: you might not want to show us the celebration after winning the belts.

Video on Brooke returning to TNA and being targeted by the Lady Squad.

Sienna vs. Brooke

Maria offers an early distraction to start and Sienna takes over with forearms and a spinebuster. Brooke gets in some forearms of her own as Madison Rayne explains why Maria is the most amazing Knockout ever. Another Maria distraction lets Sienna get in a running clothesline as Josh talks about how you can get a Louisville Slugger baseball bat signed by Jeff Hardy. Maria chokes on the rope and offers a distraction so Sienna can choke as well. As Maria talks about how the Knockouts show their midsections, Brooke fights off the double teaming and rolls Sienna up for the pin at 5:55.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was fine but WOW Madison Rayne is one of the most annoying commentators I’ve ever heard. She doesn’t really have a character and isn’t a heel or a face but rather just a woman talking a lot. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to add anything to the match but I’m sure it’s completely necessary.

One of Bennett’s friends wants to put in an adult DVD but Bennett says it’s time for something special. That would be a stripper who sounds like she’s smoked five packs a day. Bennett slams the door in her face and asks where the DVD went.

Eli Drake commandeers a camera and promises to give Tyrus a beating next week. As usual, this is one of the best things on the show.

Here’s Lashley for a chat. Lashley says it doesn’t matter if it’s wrestling or MMA because no one can hang with him. This brings out UFC fighter (currently facing a potential suspension for steroids) and professional wrestler Josh Barnett to give him a lecture about respecting the title. Lashley says this is his ring but has to escape an armbar. A challenge is issued but Barnett wants the title on the line. Bobby says he’ll fight anywhere anytime and the challenge is accepted for some point in the future. I get the idea they’re going for here but Barnett was really, really awkward on the mic.

Everyone has passed out at the bachelor party but Braxton is sitting there twirling his thumbs. He slowly gets up and puts the stripper on Mike’s lap for a quick picture. He then calls Maria and leaves the phone on the two of them before leaving.

Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards

Street fight with a full hour and a half of build. Angelina does Davey’s entrance, allowing him to jump Eddie from behind. There are weapons ready at ringside and Davey keeps beating him down as we take an early break. Back with Davey crushing Eddie’s hand with a chair but Edwards fights back anyway. Eddie and Angelina both have chairs but the distraction lets Davey swing a chair into Eddie’s for a knockdown.

Cue Eddie’s wife Alisha…who gets dropped with a single forearm. Angelina handcuffs her to the ropes but Eddie covers her up and takes the chair shots for her. Davey unloads on him with the chair while Angelina makes Alisha watch. There’s no referee as Eddie gets a Conchairto so Angelina counts the pin for a no contest at around 13:30.

Rating: B-. This was a good brawl while it lasted and I’m VERY glad they didn’t have a definitive winner. The ending was the important part and will keep this going for a long time as the women add another dynamic to the whole thing. I had a lot more fun with this than I was expecting and that’s the best possible outcome.

A promo for next week’s Expedition of Gold wraps us up.

Overall Rating: C. That might be the oddest episode of Impact I’ve ever seen. There wasn’t a big focus on wrestling here but rather a lot of vignettes from the two parties, plus all the Mexico stuff. Outside of the main event, the wrestling we did see ranged from mostly boring to forgettable, but Davey vs. Eddie looks like it has serious potential.

Above all else, I appreciated the idea of TNA trying to do something. The wedding story could be good (assuming Sutter gets to win some matches later on) and Lashley FINALLY has some fresh blood, even if Barnett is hardly a household name and his promo was just a step above a disaster. They’re doing something though and that’s what matters more than anything after a long stretch of very dull and boring shows. This kept my attention, but I need more stuff actually between the bells rather than all the stuff setting up future matches and stories. Still though, it’s a step up.

Results

Brandi/Moose b. Crazzy Steve/Rosemary – Double Game Changers

Jesse Godderz b. Kingston – STO

Brooke b. Sienna – Rollup

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 2, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s Open Fight Night and that means we get to find out who wants what match from their Race for the Case briefcases. Basically, in order of 1-4, everyone can pick a match and stipulation but nothing can be repeated, meaning there can’t be four cage matches or four World Title matches. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick explanation of Race for the Case.

Recap of the Iron Man match with Lashley regaining the World Title. I still don’t see what was so great about it.

Here are the Hardys to open things up with Jeff carrying the #1 briefcase. The Seven Deities have told Matt that the brothers must win as much tag team gold around the world as they can. Therefore, they have granted the Hardys, I kid you not, a teleportation device to send them on their International Expedition of Gold. Now they want the Bucks of Youth, the Day of New and the Family of Wyatts, all of whom must be deleted. Anyway, Jeff knows who he wants to fight.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Lashley

Jeff is challenging of course and Josh actually does his job by pointing out that the Tag Team Titles can’t be defended or challenged for tonight because Jeff is already wrestling. Uh, what does this have to do with Schitt’s Creek? I was promised Schitt’s Creek updates. We start after a bell with Jeff punching his way out of the corner, only to get his head taken off with a clothesline. Jeff sends him over the ropes and then into the apron, followed by another ram into the barricade. A powerbomb plants Jeff on the steps and the champ chokes with a boot.

Back with Jeff making his comeback with the usual and getting two off the Twist of Fate and Swanton. Another Swanton gets the same with Lashley putting his foot on the ropes. With the wrestling not working, Jeff sends him into the steps but misses a slingshot Swanton to the floor for an even worse than usual crash. The spear retains the title at 14:03.

Rating: B-. This felt like a main event style match but as usual it’s the same problem Impact so often has: there’s no reason for these two to be fighting other than the challenger won a qualifying match. There’s no personal issue and it’s all about the title. It’s cool to have a feud about the title but it feels like that’s the vast majority of what TNA does. Have something personal for a change and it can do you a lot of good.

Post match, Josh says no one has been able to figure Lashley, the FOUR TIME World Champion, out. Before I can explain why that makes no sense, here’s Eddie Edwards because this feud isn’t quite done yet. Eddie wants his rematch and Lashley agrees, but this is Eddie’s last shot.

Tyrus and Eli Drake are ready to shock the world with their briefcase choice.

Earlier today, Rosemary tried to get Brandi to join Decay. Brandi declined so Rosemary licked her face.

In case that wasn’t clear enough, Rosemary invites Brandi to join Decay but gets turned down again.

And now, a day in the life of Aron Rex. This involves riding around in a golf cart and Spud putting down a mat in the back.

Sienna vs. Brooke Tessmacher

Brooke starts fast and gets two off a middle rope X-Factor. A chase goes badly though, allowing Sienna to get in a cheap shot to take. Maria adds a few kicks to the back and distracts the referee so Sienna can choke for a bit. Guest commentator Madison Rayne would rather talk about how great Brooke looks so soon after having a child, continuing the tradition of absolutely worthless TNA commentary. The AK-47 is broken up and Brooke gets a bad looking Muta Lock but Maria offers a distraction, allowing the Silencer to put Brooke away at 5:39.

Rating: D+. Annoying commentary aside, this was fine as a way to set Brooke up as a foil to the Lady Squad. Unfortunately Brooke feels like a relic of the past with the entire character being based on how she looks in trunks. That’s not interesting and doesn’t exactly come off as thrilling. At least it’s a character though, unlike Gail Kim: WRESTLER.

Back to Aron Rex, who is having makeup applied. Spud reads off his appointments on various networks like FOX News and CNN. Rex doesn’t care for being called “bloody good” because he doesn’t like violence. He prefers “rexcellent”.

The DCC wants Decay in a falls count anywhere match.

DCC vs. Decay

Falls count anywhere and I guess a handicap match as well, unless Rosemary is fighting with the guys. It’s a brawl on the floor to start and we’ve already got a table ready. Steve escapes a powerbomb through said table and Abyss takes Kingston into the crowd to expand the violence a bit wider.

Steve dives onto all three members of the DCC for two on Storm. It’s time for the barbed wire board and Abyss rips off Kingston’s shirt. That earns Abyss a low blow but Rosemary mists Kingston, setting up a chokeslam onto some tacks for two. Some beer bottles to Abyss’ head set up a Last Call to put him into the barbed wire. A spike piledriver puts Steve through the table for the pin at 6:34.

Rating: C+. I find this to be false advertising as this was another iteration of the Monster’s Ball instead of a falls count anywhere match. I’ve seen worse versions of this same match and they kept it short, which is a good idea when we’ve seen the same stuff over and over again, especially with Abyss in the matches every single time.

Maria and Mike Bennett come up to Braxton Sutter in the back to talk about the date with Laurel Van Ness. Braxton is glad it’s over but Maria hears wedding bells over the chance of what might happen to Allie if he doesn’t.

Here’s Drew Galloway to say he’s a fighting Grand Champion and will defend against anyone. Cue Moose to ask for a title shot but Galloway has something else in mind.

Grand Championship: Drew Galloway vs. Rob Ryzin

Galloway is defending and kicks Rob’s head off thirty seconds in. This turns into an ad for Rudy, which is airing after the show. An overhead belly to belly has Ryzin in even more trouble and his comeback is cut off by a piledriver. Futureshock retains the title at 2:14.

Trevor Lee wants the injured X-Division Champion DJZ in a ladder match.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Trevor Lee

Ladder match with DJZ defending. Trevor gets backdropped to the floor to start and DJZ hits a dive but makes his leg even worse. It’s so banged up that he has to stop Lee from getting the title, earning himself a ladder shot to the leg. Lee crushes the leg in the ladder but gets caught in a ZDT off the ladder. Shane Helms throws in a chair and the leg gets crushed one more time but Lee is smart enough to keep it inside the chair and put the ladder on top, giving us a new champion at 7:30.

Rating: C. Now this one made sense and is a great example of how to use the case to your advantage. Also, it’s long past the point of getting the title off DJZ as the division has died all over again. This wasn’t a great ladder match (the time didn’t do it any favors) but it made sense and that means a lot.

Tyrus wants Drake to have some quiet time to prepare.

Robbie E. interrupts Rex and gets a match next week.

Drake wants Ethan Carter III with his extremely bruised hip/rib.

Eli Drake vs. Ethan Carter III

Carter gets taken down to start with Drake hammering in right hands as we take an early break. Back with Drake sending Carter face first into the apron but missing a baseball bat shot. Drake forearms him in the back/hip and says YEAH a lot. One heck of a clothesline puts Carter down but Drake takes a bit too long following up, allowing Carter to grab a jackknife rollup for the pin at 10:47.

Rating: C-. Nothing special to see here but Carter and Drake have had a good enough feud. It’s one of the few that isn’t about a title and that makes things all the better. Unfortunately TNA didn’t do the best job of explaining how Carter got hurt but the match was fine and the talking has been better so I can’t complain too much.

Post match Drake unloads on Carter with the ball bat, only to have the DCC show up and stomp on Carter’s nearly unconscious body. Drake smiles but the DCC beats down he and Tyrus as well. Carter takes a spike piledriver on the chair to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t the best here but I liked the concept a lot more than I was expecting to. They used a formula that made sense here and helped push some feuds here, which is a little better than doing the same thing over and over again. I was never big on Open Fight Night in the first place but that probably had something to do with holding it once a month. Or maybe Hogan. Yeah probably him. Anyway, not a bad show this week and that’s high praise around here.

Results

Lashley b. Jeff Hardy – Spear

Sienna b. Brooke Tessmacher – Silencer

Drew Galloway b. Rob Ryzin – Futureshock

Trevor Lee b. DJZ – Lee pulled down the title

Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake – Jackknife rollup

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 26, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Tonight is billed as Genesis, which is likely to be another show that doesn’t really add anything special but will be treated like something interesting while still being a normal show. We’ll throw in two title matches with Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards in an Iron Man match and Rosemary vs. Jade in a Monster’s Ball match. Let’s get to it.

Here are the Hardys with something to say. Matt, who sounds like he has a very sore throat, talks about Brother Nero (There was a video on YouTube where Matt freed Jeff from being Brother Nero. Are we not even following TNA’s own continuity here?) winning the #1 case last week. Jeff thinks he might win the World Title again but Matt has a big idea: going around the world and winning all the Tag Team Titles they can (as revealed to him in a pre-mo-nition as he and his family ate Senor Benjamin’s green beans by the Lake of Reincarnation).

Cue the DCC to imply they’ll be cashing in their Race for the Case match against the Hardys next week. Before any violence can take place, here’s Decay. Crazzy Steve suggests a triple threat for tonight and the DCC immediately agrees. Matt says that even though these are some rude blokes, the match is on.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. DCC vs. Decay

The Hardys are defending. Joined in progress with the DCC working over Steve as the announcers talk about Don West’s insane deals. The hot tag brings in Abyss and LET’S PLUG SCHITT’S CREEK! Jeff comes back in and drops Abyss but the DCC takes over on him in the corner. That means James Storm can distract Matt so a non-tag can take place. Everything breaks down and Kingston gives Matt an STO for two. Steve mists Kingston and it’s a Twist of Fate to retain the titles at 7:00.

Rating: D+. TNA puts James Storm in an interesting/cool looking gimmick and the solution is to put him in a team going after the Tag Team Titles because that’s all James Storm is allowed to do. That man left TNA for this nonsense? Anyway, this is turning into New Day vs. Gallows and Anderson/Cesaro and Sheamus: we know the champs can beat them and they’ve beaten these guys so often that it’s getting really boring. I know TNA is incapable of making new stars but is one fresh team that hard to pull off?

Laurel Van Ness makes Braxton Sutter take her to dinner. Apparently they’re at a restaurant, which looks so fake that I didn’t realize that’s where they were supposed to be until Laurel ordered a glass of wine.

Here’s Drew Galloway to talk about how much he wants the Grand Championship to be the top title around here. That means an open challenge.

Grand Championship: Drew Galloway vs. Moose

Drew is defending and Josh asks how ironic this is. Uh, a guy who got screwed out of a title last week answering an open challenge isn’t ironic you stupid man. Moose goes right at him to start and hits something like a powerbomb. A moonsault almost completely misses but is still good for two. Moose sends him outside and the fight is on with Moose easily getting the better of it. Galloway gets dropped on the barricade and Moose wins round one.

That’s enough to send the champ walking up the ramp but he comes back in to start round two. The middle rope chokebomb and the Game Changer get two each but Drew kicks him low again, meaning Galloway loses a point. The Claymore connects for two so Drew shoves the referee down and kicks Moose low again, setting up the Futureshock to retain at 6:46.

Rating: D. You know, this whole “YOU’RE LOSING A POINT” thing might mean something if more than one match in the history of this title actually went to a judges’ decision. This points system thing is a big waste of time and the title really could have been just a TV Title but that was like three names ago.

Laurel continues to be a blithering idiot and Sutter drinks a lot of wine to cope.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Jade

Rosemary is defending but Jade dives at her to take over. Some kendo stick shots to the back have Jade in trouble but she blocks a suplex onto the thumbtacks. Instead, Jade whips her in the back with a belt before the German suplex puts Rosemary into the tacks. Jade gets smart by blocking the mist with a trashcan lid, which she kicks into the champ’s face for two. It’s time for the barbed wire board and a release STO makes Rosemary scream again. That means it’s time for a regular table but Jade takes too much time going up top, setting up a superplex to drive Jade through for the pin at 9:25.

Rating: B. Jade is a great example of someone with a lot of talent that TNA has given us no reason to care about. Tell me two things about her character other than she used to be in the Dollhouse. She’s entertaining in the ring and I’ve seen far worse performers but there’s just no connection to her, which is the case with most of the roster.

Gail Kim comes out to check on Jade and Rosemary mists her.

Laurel offers some post dinner shenanigans to Braxton but he goes to find the check. With Braxton gone, Laurel calls Maria to tell her it’s going great.

Caleb Konley is making his debut and got his start watching wrestling his entire life.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Caleb Konley

DJZ is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Josh’s brilliant insight: “DJZ would love to successfully defend his X-Division Championship.” Everyone brawls with everyone to start and then, in what might be the dumbest, most contrived spot I’ve ever see, we get a Human Centipede style elevated DDT with three people grabbing someone’s head back to back until DJZ grabs a running neckbreaker to drive everyone down.

That’s the kind of ridiculous stuff that makes it so clear that everyone is working together because there is NO WAY that could work otherwise. Everyone hits a bunch of dives and the Helms Dynasty starts working together, only to get in a fight over who gets to cover. The ZDT to Everett retains DJZ’s title at 4:21.

Rating: D. Words cannot describe how sick I am of this kind of match. It’s a big mess of a match with no story, no psychology, that STUPID multi-man DDT that I’m sure they thought was the coolest thing in the world (or better yet, someone might make a YouTube reaction video about it) and the same challengers we’ve seen over and over again, plus one new name who we heard about for all of five seconds.

The Helms Dynasty Pillmanizes DJZ’s leg.

Edwards asks Davey Richards to let him defend the title on his own. Davey agrees but doesn’t look happy.

Open Fight Night video.

The Hardys go over some possible matches for Jeff’s Race for the Chase match. He doesn’t care for the idea of winning the X-Division Title because it would only feed his addiction so DELETE. Rosemary and Ricky Morton are deleted as well but Matt has a pre-mo-nition showing him who Jeff will pick.

TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley

Lashley is challenging in a thirty minute Iron Man match. Lashley starts fast with a delayed vertical suplex but Eddie avoids the spear and kicks him out to the floor. Back in and Lashley gets two off a slam and we take a break. Lashley is still in control when we come back and the spear gives him the first fall at 8:40.

The slow pace continues as Lashley hammers away, only to get caught in a Blue Thunder Bomb. A half crab doesn’t do much damage to Lashley so he throws Eddie over the top with a release belly to belly suplex. Lashley powerbombs him on the ramp for a countout at 14:25 to make it 2-0.

With the referee checking on Eddie, Lashley takes off a turnbuckle pad. For no apparent reason, Lashley keeps going to the ropes and knocking Eddie off the apron as this just keeps going. Back from a second break with Lashley missing a spear and going into the exposed buckle, allowing Eddie to grab a rollup for a fall at 22:20.

They head to the ramp again with Lashley loading up a release German suplex, only to have Edwards flip out onto his feet. There’s the Boston Knee Party but Eddie has to very slowly crawl back to the ring. Lashley dives in at nine to beat the count but it’s another Boston Knee Party to tie things up at 24:03. A few seconds later JB says we have five minutes left as they’re actually closer than I was expecting.

Lashley gets two off another spear, which of course is followed by a third Boston Knee Party for two more. Eddie’s middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb and Lashley grabs a side choke to make Eddie tap at 26:40 to go up 3-2 with just over three minutes to go. Lashley goes outside to yell at Pope and says he’s already won. That means another suicide dive to take Lashley out and Eddie grabs a guillotine with 51 seconds left. Of course time runs out (at 29:33) to give Lashley the title back.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was fine enough but this DID NOT need to be a thirty minute match in any way, shape or form. There was way too much laying around and so much of that is due to there being no reason for these two to still be fighting. TNA is desperately needing some fresh blood in their main event scene, which has what, four people at most right now? Seriously: Edwards, Lashley, Carter and……I guess Hardy? Assuming he goes for the World Title again? Give us something fresh already.

Overall Rating: D. This is the worst kind of show you can have: not absolutely horrible but so painfully uninteresting that I lost any semblance of caring about halfway through. These matches all just felt like they were going by with no interest or caring, which has long plagued this company. What are we looking at going forward? Gail Kim, Jeff Hardy and Trevor Lee as the challengers to titles? A heel midcard champion who keeps cheating to retain the title? It feels like we’ve been here for years now and that’s not enough to make me care enough. Really dull show here and that’s not a good sign whatsoever.

Results

Hardys b. DCC and Decay – Twist of Fate to Kingston

Drew Galloway b. Moose – Futureshock

Rosemary b. Jade – Superplex through a table

DJZ b. Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley – ZDT to Everett

Lashley b. Eddie Edwards three falls to two

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 22, 2016
Host: Josh Matthews

This is a special show as it’s the Best of 2016. That means a lot of copying and pasting from me as I’m not about to rewatch a lot of these matches, especially when they’re likely going to be clipped to death. I’ll be posting the full versions of the matches instead of whatever hacked up versions that air on the broadcast, assuming we get more than just a few clips. Let’s get to it.

We open with about two minutes of the main event of Slammiversary 2016 with Lashley winning the World Title from Drew Galloway, five minutes of Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards from Impact, July 21 and four minutes of Lashley vs. James Storm from August 11. Lashley won all three matches.

Now we’ll go to January 5 for a few seconds of Kurt Angle’s retirement speech. Angle wants to go out on a high note, including a match against Drew Galloway.

Here’s a clip from that match, which aired on January 12. Angle won by submission and again we only get about a minute and a half.

On March 1, Angle beat Bobby Roode. I know it sounds like I’m flying through this but it’s really just the beginning and ending of each match. We’re twenty minutes into the show and we’ve covered five matches with a commercial in the middle.

On March 8, Angle gave his farewell speech where he talked about how much better of a person he is because of TNA.

On March 15, Drew Galloway cashed in his Feast or Fired briefcase to win the World Title from Matt Hardy in 18 seconds.

On March 28, Drew defended the title against Jeff Hardy. This actually gets more than two minutes so I’ll throw in the full match.

TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy is challenging and gets a headlock takeover out of the corner to take over early. Drew comes back with an overhead belly to belly and Hardy is already in trouble. The champ is sent outside for a dive from Hardy and we take a break. Back with Jeff getting two off a Twist of Fate but taking too much time going up and getting superplexed down.

The Claymore gets two and they head up top for what looked to be a super powerslam from Drew but Jeff reverses into something like a hiptoss. That looked to be a bit botched but it was good enough. Another Twist and the Swanton get two on Drew so Jeff sends it outside and puts Drew on the steps. The Swanton hits knees though and it’s a quick Futureshock to give Drew the pin at 14:18.

Rating: B-. Another pretty good main event here with Jeff being a good first victory for Drew, but they certainly didn’t hit a special level. It’s good that they’re getting Jeff out of the way early though as he’s one of those guys who is always going to be near the top of the roster so thankfully Drew can focus on someone new.

On April 5, Drew successfully defended the title against Matt Hardy.

We get the full Gail Kim Hall of Fame video. Somehow they STILL have the error in there about her holding the title for five reigns (when it was produced) for 232 days. In reality the fifth reign alone was 232 days and she’s held the title over 700 days combined.

We see some of her acceptance speech and about 45 seconds of her winning the Knockouts Title for s sixth time at Bound For Glory.

Since giving them their own show next week (and last week), it’s time to look at the Hardys. We’ll start with Matt vs. Ethan Carter III at Lockdown with Matt defending the World Title.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy

Hardy is defending. Ethan draws a line on the mat and it’s time to slug it out. Matt’s chops don’t have much effect but Ethan’s splash hits the cage. It’s time for a chair with Matt getting in some good shots, only to have the Twist of Fate broken up as Matt is sent head first into the chair in the corner. Another Twist is broken up so Matt settles for the Side Effect and a two count.

The champ grabs a chain but walks into a TK3 (TKO) to give Ethan a chance. Tyrus blocks the way so Ethan flips him off, drawing the big man in. Ethan runs the ropes and has a free chance to get out but opts to clothesline Tyrus instead. A Big Ending drops Carter but he’s still able to reverse an attempt at being chained to the cage. Instead it’s Tyrus being chained up but Matt grabs a Twist of Fate for two.

Carter is back up in time to pull Matt off the cage to put both guys down. Matt is up first and hits a low blow, setting up a Twist of Fate with Ethan’s neck in a chair. Of course that’s not enough to finish it so Ethan kicks Matt low to even things up. A slow double crawl towards the door draws out Reby with a hammer but Spud comes out for the save. Then, in the swerve that isn’t a swerve, Spud slams the door on Carter’s head to turn heel and help Matt get out to retain at 11:39.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but it’s ANOTHER heel turn as Matt has to get another minion because he’s this iconic power or whatever line TNA is pushing this week. I do however like the fact that Spud didn’t just align with Carter again because Ethan turned. That’s some nice continuity, but sweet goodness I’m tired of these big heel turns when there are already about four faces on the roster as it is.

With no transition from normal Matt to Broken Matt, here’s the Final Deletion.

Next up, it’s the Great War from Bound For Glory.

Now we look at some debuts, including Mike Bennett/Maria, Aron Rex, Moose, Cody and Brandi Rhodes. We see clips of Bennett defeating Ethan Carter III and the fairly bad mixed tag with Cody/Rhodes vs. Mike/Maria.

Off to the tag teams now as we see Decay beat Beer Money to win the Tag Team Titles on April 26.

We’ll keep up the Decay theme as Rosemary beats Jade to win the vacant Knockouts Title on December 1.

Due to Lashley vacating the X-Division Title, there was an Ultimate X gauntlet held on September 1 and we actually see a good chunk of it.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett vs. Mandrews vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Rockstar Spud

The title is vacant coming in and this is a gauntlet match, meaning people are added at fixed intervals but you can pull the title down at any time. Trevor Lee and DJZ start things off and they slug it out for a bit before pulling each other down. Andrew Everett is in third and the time intervals seem to be two and a half minutes. DJZ gets double teamed so the Helms Dynasty (minus Helms showing up lately) goes up at the same time.

A knee to DJZ’s head knocks him silly but here’s Mandrews to break up the title grab attempt. Mandrews gets thrown off the top though and we take a break. Back with a replay package of what we saw before the commercial instead of what we missed. Braxton Sutter entered during the break and here’s Rockstar Spud to complete the field but it’s still too early to get the title with Sutter making the save.

We hit the big streak of dives before people get back in, only to be thrown out or knocked down seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about here as it’s just one move or spot after another with nothing in between. Spud uses a chair to knock Sutter off the cables but it’s the Helms Dynasty going up and grabbing the title at at the same time. No one comes down with it though so DJZ springboards in and pulls the title down to win at 16:23.

Rating: C+. I’m sure this is the revitalization that the X-Division has been needing for years now and that this will be different than the other half dozen times they’ve promised it’s not going to be left by the wayside again. The same problems they always have still apply here: no characters, no storylines other than they all want the title and get thrown together into one match and nothing we haven’t seen before. Fix some of those things and give us an actual story and the division might go somewhere.

On October 6, Lashley chose Eddie Edwards for a World Title shot and we’re graced with the last eight seconds.

We wrap it up with clips from Lashley vs. Edwards II on November 3. I’ll throw this one in even though we get less than a third of the match.

TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley

Lashley is challenging. We get the Big Match Intros with JB calling this the super fight. I’ll give TNA this: they do a solid job of making the big matches feel important. Or maybe it’s that JB is really good at his job(s). The bell rings after the break (thank goodness) and Lashley throws the champ around before elbowing him in the face.

They head outside with Eddie chopping him up against the barricade but getting dropped throat first across the steel. Some choking with a wristband takes us to the last break. Back with Lashley in full control with a chinlock and a knee to the face. The champ fights back and sends Lashley outside for a suicide dive.

A Shining Wizard gets two on Lashley, who comes right back with a Dominator for the same. They head outside for a few moments before Eddie misses a top rope double stomp. Lashley pulls the referee in the way and then hits the spear for two, earning the second referee a right hand to the face. The first referee goes to call for the DQ but the Boston Knee Party gives Eddie the fast counted pin at 18:53.

Rating: B. This was more long than good and really illustrated the problem with a lot of TNA: I like Eddie but he’s really just a person who happens to be champion. Lashley is a big dragon for Eddie to slay and that’s what he’s done twice now. I don’t feel any connection to either of them and it’s much more like I’m just on the outside watching something happen.

Overall Rating: D. TNA just managed to screw up a Best Of show. Based off this, I have almost no idea what’s going on in TNA but I know I need a chart to keep track of it all. This felt like taking a guided tour in a bus that was driving 80 miles an hour with the guide shouting various things you can see.

We didn’t see a single match in full and most of the clips showed the opening and the last few seconds. I’d much rather see some full matches (or promos) than cover so much stuff and get nothing out of it. Also, did we really need the Hardys section when two out of three FULL SHOWS will be about them? I can’t even be surprised by this but it was somehow one of the worst executed things TNA has done all year. Just air a Top Ten list or something like that instead of trying to cram in every single thing into two hours. Total mess here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 15, 2016
Location: Hardy Compound, Cameron, North Carolina
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

I knew it would come. Tonight is Total Nonstop Deletion, meaning the entire show is taking place at the Hardy Compound in North Carolina. The big draw for the show is Tag Team Apocalypto with teams from “throughout time and space” showing up for one huge match with the Tag Team Titles on the line. There have been next to no spoilers leaked for this so I’m coming in blind. Let’s get to it.

Senor Benjamin tells us that we shouldn’t try this at home. In Spanish of course.

No drones were harmed in the making of this presentation.

We go to Gilbert Corsey (former OVW interviewer) who says there is seismic activity in Cameron, North Carolina.

At the scene of the Hardy volcano, Itchweeed (yes I spelled that right) runs up to the volcano with a weed whacker and shouts a lot of unintelligible words.

We go to the Dome of Deletion, a mini arena set up with a live crowd, a ring and an entrance shaped like Matt’s open mouth. The Hardys come out with Matt promising fifty of his followers appearing tonight. If they don’t prove their greatness tonight, the Seven Deities will remove the powers of deletion.

Cue Rockstar Spud to say he’s sick of all this, including King Maxel. The infant gets a chant so Spud wants to be his first opponent because the kid hasn’t had a match yet and he’s more over than Spud has ever been. Spud promises to stretch Maxel and make him a loser like his father. Matt actually sanctions the match and makes it No DQ.

King Maxel vs. Rockstar Spud

Maxel drives to the ring in a mini Mercedes because of course he does. The bell rings, Benjamin tases Spud and Maxel gets the pin in 19 seconds. Cool moment, though Kevin Owens basically did the same thing in PWG a few years back.

Disco Inferno is watching from the back and asks if anyone wants to play some poker. It should be noted that Inferno was once arrested for involvement in an illegal poker game.

The news anchor and reporter talk about how the city has been locked down. Shane Helms and the Helms Dynasty roll up in a truck because they’re local roughnecks and ready to fight.

The Rock N Roll Express arrived earlier today. They are PERFECT for something like this and it wouldn’t have felt right if they weren’t around. Matt offers them green beans or meat and invites them inside.

Corsey is taking bets on the match.

Sienna names herself #1 contender for the Knockouts Title and is willing to put that spot up against anyone or anything. Then the following happens.

Sienna vs. Vanguard I

Actually never mind as the referee won’t let this happen so Vanguard I is ejected. We have a replacement though.

Sienna vs. ODB

ODB starts fast and runs Sienna over, setting up a Bronco Buster. A middle rope Thesz press gets two and Sienna is rather disgusted. The referee gets bumped so there’s no count when ODB knocks a chair into her face. Vanguard I comes out to count (with the numbers appearing over his (His?) head) until the referee pulls him out. The Silencer puts ODB away at 4:15.

Rating: D. I’ve never been a fan of ODB but I’ll take her over Grado in some intergender non-comedy. They had to do something like this because you can’t just have some big mess all night long. Some actual wrestling has to take place and if it just has to be ODB, so be it I guess.

ODB rubs Vanguard I on her chest.

The Helms Dynasty wants to fight but Matt has a pre-mo-nition. Tonight, we will see an appalling reincarnation.

If you order ANYTHING off ShopTNA.com, you get a free download of Dixie Carter’s new song. So they’re literally just giving it away. That’s probably the only way anyone would take it.

Itchweed vs. Chet Sterling

This is under House Hardy Rules and the announcers aren’t sure what that means. The announcers talk about how the land will be destroyed if the Hardys lose Apocalypto as Itchweed puts on a sleeper….and falls asleep himself. Itchweeed is up at seven and puts Sterling through a table. The Pesticide Elbow finishes Sterling off at 3:33.

Rating: D. This is another good example of what happens when you let the Hardys loose without their medication. Itchweeed is one of those characters who isn’t really funny but I’m sure it means something to Jeff. Where else is he going to get to do some nonsense like this?

We get a flashback to Matt talking to a giraffe named George Washington and Jeff boxing a kangaroo named Smoking Joe.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards

Lashley is challenging and shoulders the champ in the corner to start. They head outside with Lashley shoving a fan, causing the audience (who might be the 50 followers Matt was referring to earlier) to hold him back so Eddie can snap off some chops. We take a break and come back with Eddie grabbing a neckbreaker. Lashley sends him face first into the buckle with some Snake Eyes before cranking on the ribs. Fans: “YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM!” Except for the time he did of course.

Eddie saves himself from a superplex and scores with a missile dropkick. The Shining Wizard gets two but Lashley gets in the Dominator for the same. Back to the floor with a powerbomb sending Eddie into the crowd. Looked cool but not much pain involved. Lashley picks things up a bit and spears Eddie through the wall as we take a second break.

Back again with the warnings that opened the show. Edwards and Lashley have fought into the woods and the match keeps going….but we don’t have cameras. I guess we’ll come back to that later.

Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Apocalypto

The Hardys are defending and this is under elimination rules with eliminations coming via pinfall or submission. The match starts in the arena so we get to see who is in at the start. Here’s the lineup:

Hardys, Helms Dynasty, Rock N Roll Express, Decay

That’s it for now as smoke fills the arena and everyone has to evacuate the building. We see Lashley and Edwards still fighting before cutting back to the teams. Everything goes insane and the teams are outside with firework guns. Abyss: “NO! NOT AGAIN!” The fireworks going into the air and Helms tells his boys to get out. Matt appears in the back of their truck and attacks Lee so Jeff tells the referee to get on the back of his motorcycle to chase after them.

A bunch of teams are at the entrance to the Compound and Decay lets them in because this is going to be beautiful. Matt throws Everett into the Cameron City Limits sign for two (yes there are counts in this) with Helms making the save. It’s a huge fight as some of the teams get in, though none of them are introduced. Crazzy Steve snaps one of their necks for a pin on someone never identified.

Another team is allowed in as Spud is shown waiting on his partner. The Bravado Brothers (Harlem and Lance) show up as the Dynasty and Hardys fight in front of an antique store. Where did the Express go? Back at the entrance, a team called the Ugly Ducklings (maybe) enter and are eliminated in just a few seconds via Abyss’ chokeslam.

The Hardys and Dynasty keep fighting as Abyss beats up a team called Showtime. The Bravado Brothers sneak in as Showtime is quickly dispatched by way or a rock to the head. I’m almost certain we’re not supposed to know who any of those teams were though it’s not like we got a good shot at almost any of their faces. Spud’s partner finally arrives and we take a break.

Back with Spud’s partner being revealed as……Hornswoggle. Decay lets them pass so we cut back to the brawl taking place by the Lake of Reincarnation. A jumping knee to Jeff’s face gets two as Matt makes the save by moving the boat with his mind. The Dynasty starts stomping on the boat until Jeff makes the save with a double noggin knocker.

Matt shoves Helms into the Lake and it’s time for a 3 Count reunion, by which I mean Shane being part of 3 Count and yelling that Everett and Lee are no Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore. They superkick Helms into the Lake as the Bravados show up to roll them up for two each. The Express are in another ring (four sided this time) nearby and call the Hardys in for a fight.

This goes as well as it’s going to go in 2016 but now we cut back to Edwards and Lashley because that’s still going. Wait now it’s back to the Dynasty vs. the Bravados with the referee coming out of a portable toilet to do his job. Everett hits a standing moonsault onto I believe Lance, leaving Harlem to be sent into a wall. They head inside the arena to keep brawling as we cut back to the other ring. Ricky and Jeff are in the kind of machines used to get people to the top of telephone poles and it’s time for another break.

Back with the cranes coming together so Ricky can work on the arm. The volcano is going off in the background as Robert works on a spinning toehold. Matt grabs one of the crane’s controls to send Morton flying through the air. We go back to the other arena where Everett is covered for two. We’re back to the cranes though with Jeff Swantoning out and missing Robert, only to have Matt hit a Twist of Fate to get rid of the Express.

So I believe we’re down to Decay, Spud/Hornswoggle, the Bravados and the Dynasty, assuming no one else arrives. Back in the other arena, Spud and Hornswoggle go after the two downed teams with Hornswoggle swinging a chair. Spud eliminates the Bravados but gets powerbombed by Hornswoggle, setting up the Tadpole Splash. Everett pins Spud to get rid of another team.

Back to Lashley choking Edwards with a cord of some kind as Morton is still stuck on the crane, demanding to be let down. Road Warrior Animal of all people is here, asking how Morton got stuck up there. Decay finds James Storm in a mask but multiple other DCC members show up. One of them takes off his mask and Storm has no idea who it is. Whoever it is gets knocked out with Abyss getting the pin, which eliminates the entire DCC. Storm gets in a superkick for good measure. Steve wants to go add to this pile of bones and we take another break.

We come back again with the Hardys and Decay fighting near the volcano and Lashley and Edwards fighting nearby. The volcano erupts violently and we’ve got the Hurricane rising from the Lake. That means it’s time for breaking news with Corsey saying Cameron’s fate is in the Hardys’ hands.

Back to the outside ring with Decay and the Dynasty each picking a Hardy to beat on. Matt is taken to a graveyard of Hardy logos as Jeff fights back on Decay. Janice is brought in and Jeff’s comeback is cut off by a low blow. Vanguard I comes in and that means another fireworks war. Abyss takes one to the eye and Vanguard celebrates.

To the other teams as Hurricane saves Matt from a shovel to the head. Apparently the Dynasty is broken and a double pin (Can Hurricane do that?) gets rid of Everett and Lee. Matt and Hurricane bury them, which Matt says would make even the man with three H’s proud. Lashley throws Eddie onto the house’s porch and then no sells a Hornswoggle spear.

Abyss is back up but a huge Hardy symbol catches on fire around him. A lot of brawling ends with Abyss taking Matt back into the ring. Matt gets Janice though and a shot to the ribs (with some quick edits) means Matt can make his weird noises. Steve and Jeff fight near the volcano with a Twisting Stunner sending Steve into the mouth. A big explosion sends Steve’s charred body flying into the ring so Matt can get the pin to retain at 44:10.

Rating: N/A. You think I have any idea hot to rate this? As I’ve said many times, I rate wrestling, not a bunch of people running around a big field with a few wrestling rings involved. I know there’s an audience for this and I was excited about what it might be, but you knew they were over hyping this to death.

All that talk about teams breaking contracts and such to show up turned out to be the nonsense that it was expected to be, leaving us with a joke like the Rock N Roll Express, an indy team in the Bravados, Spud and Hornswoggle as another joke (I think?) and three TNA teams. Oh and the jobbers. Don’t forget the jobbers.

No one really bought that any WWE names were going to show up here and the match was a big mess of standing around waiting for the bigger names to show up. The big moment here (I guess) was the Hurricane return and that’s really nothing special. If you knew you weren’t going to be able to get anyone here (Young Bucks? Maybe?), don’t hype it up like it’s a done deal. No they never said it, but if it’s nothing outlandish, mentioning a name in wrestling means THEY’RE GOING TO SHOW UP.

I was really, really disappointed in this as I bought into the hype of the whole thing. But, of course, TNA manages to let me down and thinks that I’m going to be entertained by a joke about HHH burying people when the Hardys (combined age of 81) just beat almost the entire tag team division in less than an hour. There was no big moment, there was no big surprise and there was no big difference between this and the rest of the Hardy specials.

Reby reveals that she’s pregnant to end the show, meaning the World Title match ends without a finish at 1:11:17.

Rating: C-. This is for the World Title match, which actually did something before it turned into a bunch of cameos. Lashley vs. Edwards has been done so many times now that it’s really hard to care about it anymore, especially when we’re waiting on the conclusion to Carter vs. Edwards. Hey, maybe we can have a triple threat! That would be something new!

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this didn’t do it for me. Basically they took a few camera crews and told the Hardys to do whatever they wanted. In other words, it’s a big Hardys special and if you don’t like it, you’re just not up to their level. This wasn’t really interesting and, much like the rest of their big matches, didn’t add anything new. We’ve seen the Lake of Reincarnation done to death and the fireworks look cool but don’t add much.

What we really saw tonight was how limited TNA is. If the best they can do is bring in the Bravado Brothers and Hornswoggle plus a few old guys who will probably do anything for a payday, you really can see their limited influence. On December 2, Ring of Honor brought in the Hardys, Jushin Thunder Liger and some big named from England. Tonight, it was some big names from the 80s who haven’t been on the big stage in years. Which of those do you think is more impressive?

Overall, this felt like a big way to give Matt and Jeff whatever they want. We’ve seen the Broken gimmick for so long now and while Matt’s acting and quirks are still entertaining, they need to either do something fresh with this or wind it down already. The show and big match kept my attention but by the end I was getting tired of it. It’s AMAZING production work as the camera cuts were all solid but it’s a case of not knowing when to say that’s enough, which has been one of TNA’s biggest issues for years.

I get why a lot of people will like it though and this isn’t a case where I’m going to really harp on how wrong they are for thinking that way. It really is a situation where you either get it or you don’t and I think I fall into the latter. There were entertaining moments but that’s not enough for a two hour show. Much like back in the Immortal days, if you don’t like this one idea, you’re better off not watching. That’s a really risky way to run TV and TNA does it far too often.

Results

King Maxel b. Rockstar Spud – Spud was shocked with a taser

Sienna b. ODB – Silencer

Itchweeed b. Chet Sterling – Pesticide Elbow

Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley went to a no contest

The Hardys won Tag Team Apocalypto last eliminating Decay

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6