What are your thoughts on it?  I haven’t really thought it through yet so what are your ideas so I can steal them and make myself look smarter?

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 15, 2011
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

 

It’s the night after Summerslam and there are a lot of questions to be answered. Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion after cashing in MITB on CM Punk. However, when Punk pinned Cena to become official champion, Cena’s foot was on the rope. Also, Kevin Nash attacked Punk to cost him the title to Del Rio. Was Del Rio the one that hired Nash? We’ll find that out tonight in theory. Also Del Rio has to defend against Rey Mysterio. Let’s get to it.

 

After a brief recap of last night Nickelback opens us up.

 

Here’s HHH to open the show. He says he made a mistake last night and he’ll tell that to Cena’s face later. If he hadn’t screwed up he’s not sure who would have won but he would have had no problem raising the hand of CM Punk. HHH assures us he had nothing to do with it though. He’s friends with Nash and all he did was leave Nash some tickets to the show. There’s an invitation for Nash to be here tonight. As for Del Rio, that’s just how Money in the Bank works. There’s only one WWE Champion, and here he is.

 

Cue Alberto who talks about how awesome he is and he talks about destiny. He says he’s going to be a great champion and he’ll be in the lobby all night signing autographs and taking pictures. That’s the kind of champion he’ll be: a champion of the people. For his first title defense he’s going to beat Rey. That took him a few minutes to say for some reason. The people need to change their area code because after tonight he’ll be their new hero. This was oddly not full blown heel.

 

HHH goes into Cena’s dressing room.

 

John Morrison vs. R-Truth

 

This is falls count anywhere. Morrison says he’s going to give the Little Jimmys something to cheer about. Also Truth has what sounds like a rock/instrumental version of his old theme song. Morrison takes over to start and we go to the floor quickly. Big corkscrew dive takes Truth down for two. Moonlight Drive (I know that’s probably not the name of it but who cares) off the railing gets the same.

 

Truth fights back and hits a sitout gordbuster for two as we take a break. Back with Truth getting two on the floor off a move we don’t see. A replay shows that he dumped Morrison off the top while Morrison was punching him. Total dominance by the Jimmy Hater extraordinaire. We go into the crowd and Truth sends Morrison sprawling onto the concrete for two.

 

Coming back to ringside though Morrison gets a big kick to the head which was nearly a Pele and nearly gets the three. Truth rams him into the steps to take momentum right back. He grabs a rolling chair but a clothesline stops it. Morrison suplexes Truth onto the chair and hits a running knee to the head for the pin at approximately 11:00. The ending was kind of sudden.

 

Rating: B-. Well Morrison is certainly better in gimmick matches. This is what he was made for: wild brawls that he can hit his offense out of nowhere in. That’s what the whole Parkour stuff fits in with so it makes perfect sense. Also good to see him get a win because he hasn’t done much of note since coming back.

 

Punk is here.

 

Here’s Miz who is rocking a suit. He wants to talk to someone famous tonight: it’s Jared from Subway. Jared is sitting in the front row with a sandwich in his hand. Miz says he should be the pitchman for Subway and steals the sandwich. He gives a well scripted commercial for it and then tells the Subway executives to thank him for putting the chicken sandwich or whatever on Twitter as a trending topic. He’ll be a champion again, catchphrase and he’s out.

 

Nash is here.

 

Trace Adkins is here.

 

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Bella Twins

 

Kelly takes let’s say Brie down and does the stupid Stink Face. Kelly gets double teamed and beaten down for awhile. Brie does something painful looking as she bends Kelly’s leg all the way to the point where her boot is touching her own face. Something resembling a flapjack allows the tag to Eve. She cleans house and the moonsault ends this at about 3:00. Not much at all here.

 

Rating: C. Not a horrible match at all here and the potential Eve heel turn seems like a distinct possibility. This was fine as the match wasn’t great or anything but they’re getting better. There’s some thought to the matches now rather than go out, do signature moves, Kelly wins. That’s a step in the right direction.

 

Post match here are Beth (rocking a black dress) and Natalya. They stare the good girls down and that’s about it.

 

Here’s Kevin Nash after a list of his accomplishments. No music though. The hair and beard are both dark. He thanks HHH for letting him come here and explain his actions. He talks about being friends with HHH for years and mentions that HHH is the godfather of Nash’s son. Nash talks about how HHH left him some tickets as a favor. Just before the main event last night, there was a text from a friend (doesn’t say any names) asking Nash to take out whoever wins the title. Nash did it as a favor and says to Punk that it was just business. He implies that HHH knew about it but doesn’t say it was HHH that send the text.

 

Nash goes to leave and here’s Punk. Punk talks about how HHH and Nash were clearly in on this together because HHH keeps talking about what is good for business. Punk asks Nash if he’d jump off a bridge if it was good for business, because Punk thinks it would be good for business. He says Nash being there is HHH’s version of “good for business”. Nash says they’ve never talked before but Punk needs to watch his mouth. Punk says this is his world and Nash says your world just changed.

 

Punk says maybe HHH is telling the truth and maybe Nash is the liar. Nash offers to show the text from his phone. Punk offers a text from his sister, saying that she thought Nash was dead. Punk says it’s just Nash’s career that is dead. He says he’s mad at a lot of people but Del Rio isn’t one of them because that’s something he’s done. One person he is mad about is HHH for bringing his cronies back. Nash says HHH shook things up around here. Punk says he did that and Nash calls him an indy-rific wannabe.

 

Nash talks about Punk loses the title so fast he doesn’t have time to keep it. Punk says it’s 2011, not 1994. Nash says if you want to go back to the past, let’s go back to 1996 and what he and Hall did (no Hogan or NWO reference) and how it made everyone a bunch of money. Can’t argue there. Nash says go hit the weights and take a shower because you look like a short order cook from a Pikeville (KENTUCKY) Waffle House. Punk: “I like Waffle House.”

 

CM makes fun of the past gimmicks of Nash, such as Oz and Vinnie Vegas. Punk says that’s enough talk so let’s fight right here in San Diego. He goes to the ring but security steps in to stop him. Punk says that’s because of HHH so he’ll go talk to the COO himself because Nash is in the ring and can’t watch HHH’s back at the moment. Punk won this one as Nash was looking for answers at times near the end.

 

We get more highlights of Rey’s world title wins as they’re trying to play up this as a huge moment for him.

 

Nash goes into HHH’s office but he’s not there. Johnny Ace is there and is as slimy as ever. He wants to talk to Nash about something in private. Nash shakes his head but goes with him.

 

We get a recap of Ziggler and Vickie arguing last week.

 

Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger

 

When we come back from the recap Dolph and Vickie are on commentary and arguing. Basic stuff to start as the couple argues at ringside. Vader Bomb hits and Swagger puts on a double chickenwing. They argue about Vickie’s bad breath which results in Vickie complaining about not getting enough kisses. Key lock goes on and Dolph says Vickie knows her role. Even Cole is laughing at Jerry’s jokes here.

 

Spinebuster puts Swagger down as JR desperately tries to talk about the match. Vickie gets up and steals JR’s hat for no apparent reason. Riley gets in a kick to the head as Vickie….puts the hat on the referee. Riley is distracted and it lets Swagger botch the gutwrench bomb twice before the third attempts ends this at 4:24.

 

Rating: C. We’ll call this average because the point of this was the Dolph/Vickie stuff. The ending makes a bit more sense now as it was about getting Riley distracted to let Swagger get the win. I’m curious to see where this is going but hopefully it leads to Vickie leaving Dolph or vice versa because he doesn’t need her at all.

 

Post match Dolph stomps on the hat.

 

After a break Swagger comes up to Vickie and suggests she expands the people she manages, implying he wants her to manage him.

 

Same video package from last night about WWE being in LA.

 

Punk goes into HHH’s locker room and finds Stephanie. She says he didn’t actually win last night which is true. She says people always get what they deserve and leaves with a kind of evil look on her face.

 

Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne vs. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty

 

The champs have new music and McGillicutty is in a skull cap. Shawn Michaels tweeted about Nash and it’s kind of implied he might be back. Kofi vs. Michael starts us off. That doesn’t go anywhere so it’s off to Bourne who gets beaten down. Make that gets beaten down for a very long time. I’m kind of stunned by the fact that the tag champions have held the titles for the longest stretch in over a year.

 

We talk about Hillbilly Jim for no apparent reason and it’s hot tag to Kofi. He beats up his former NXT Rookie but stumbles on the top rope cross body. He manages to shift it into a clothesline though so it’s nowhere near as bad as it could have been. McGillicutty gets a dropkick to Kingston’s back but is knocked into position for the Shooting Star Press which ends this at 4:40.

 

Rating: C-. A little boring but the Shooting Star is always worth seeing. Also it’s nice to see the champions actually having a challenge for a change. I’d go with the Usos because there’s an actual feud there but whatever. Nothing great here but it adds a little story to the division which is all you can ask for anymore.

 

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

 

The new champ rolls out in a bright red Ferrari. Rey is the hometown boy so he gets a huge pop. It seems to be the Undisputed WWE Championship now. We continue the old school weapon checks but don’t even get big match intros. Fast paced stuff to start but it’s pretty basic. Rey sends him to the floor as we take a break. The bell rang at 10 until 11pm so they don’t have a ton of time.

 

Back with Rey in a body vice and he pulls half of the mask off. Alberto takes him up to the top which doesn’t work at all as Rey takes him down with a tornado DDT. Wicked one too. Spinning cross body gets two. Rolling sunset flip gets two. Rey gets taken down for a bit but takes to the air, sending Alberto to the floor. Gorgeous Asai Moonsault takes both guys down.

 

Seated Senton hits and he gets Alberto into the 619 position. Alberto takes his head off with a clothesline though and complains when it only gets two. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets the same result. Corner enziguri gets two. Rey grabs a rollup out of nowhere for two to break up the armbreaker.

 

Dropkick puts Rey down and he goes for the arm again. Rey reverses into an electric chair position and into a rana for the 619 position. The call connects (hate that term but whatever) and it’s top rope splash time. Jerry declares it over which seals Rey’s fate. The splash hits knees and Alberto gets a small package for the pin at 12:50.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here and Alberto wins clean which is something that he certainly needs. These two have chemistry and this was no exception to it, which is probably due to them having so many matches together over the past year. Good stuff here and it worked rather well for a TV main event.

 

Post match Alberto goes for the arm and snaps it on the rope then puts the armbreaker on. Cena runs out for the save and wants a mic.  He rants about how much his weekend sucked and is all kinds of serious.  he says Alberto cashed in a briefcase and got lucky.  One days he’s going to have to defend it (kind of like he just did?) and if it’s against Cena, he won’t be so lucky.  Serious Cena works very well and this was one of those moments.

 

Overall Rating: A-. This show was about drama and it certainly worked I think. We still have a lot of questions and it’s interesting TV. The lack of wrestling hurt it but at times you need to have some drama out there and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. This was a good show and it built up very well towards the big main event and the drama helped that a lot. Good show overall and I want to see next week’s show now.

 

Results

John Morrison b. R-Truth – Running knee to the head

Eve Torres/Kelly Kelly b. Brie Bella – Moonsault

Jack Swagger b. Alex Riley – Gutwrench powerbomb

Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne b. Michael McGillicutty/David Otunga – Shooting Star Press to McGillicutty

Alberto Del Rio b. Rey Mysterio – Small Package

Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

It’s the biggest party of the summer. Wait that was another ad campaign. It’s Summerfest! No wait that’s a Piven botch. It’s Punk vs. Cena II. Well actually more like their 8^th match but the second PPV main event. Seriously that’s the extent of the hype for this show. There’s also Christian vs. Orton V or whatever but that’s really minor by comparison. There’s also a mini concert because those have worked oh so well before right? Let’s get to it.

The guitarist from Tool plays a rock version of the Star Spangled Banner. He’s no Man Mountain Rock.

The opening video is about how we’re in LA and LA is awesome. This is like the 4^th year in a row it’s been in LA. Might be three but still that’s a ton. There’s another video about how there’s a domino effect in the Punk vs. Cena war. That Bright Lights Bigger City song is growing on me a bit.

Here’s Miz to open the show and he’ll be in a six man tag. He first has something to say. Why am I not surprised? He says he’s returned to Summerslam and wants to thank the fans for insisting he competes tonight. Miz is cut off by Truth who talks about spiders. They start with the letter S, as does Summerslam. Singing also starts with an S and Cee Lo Green is singing tonight. You know what else starts with a C? CONSPIRACY!!! Del Rio cuts him off to save our sanity.

The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison

Well they had to fill in the card with something. Del Rio gets a face reaction from the Hispanic heavy crowd. Kofi has white shorts now. Morrison, the hometown boy, gets NOTHING. We get a recap of Rey getting jumped by Miz on Monday. The rest of the feuds I think you know. The bell rings almost 15 minutes into the show. Miz vs. Kofi to start us off. There’s a Miz is Awesome chant.

Big monkey flip and a dropkick put Miz down. Off to Morrison and we get double flapjacks/double nipups. Nice fast paced stuff to start so far. Off to Truth vs. Morrison and Truth isn’t afraid anymore. There’s the springboard spin kick (Moonlight Drive I think? It’s the same one Cody uses for the most part) but it only gets two. The heels cheat (EVIL!) and send Morrison to the floor to shift momentum.

Off to Miz who hooks a chinlock which eats up some time. Morrison fights out of it with something resembling a Pele kick (ala AJ) and it’s warm tag Kofi. That cross body is SWEET. Miz takes him down and every heel not named Alberto works him over. Time for Kofi to imitate a long haired blonde guy from the 80s who thought he could sing named Morton for a good while.

We’re just waiting on the hot tag to Rey at this point. And yep there it is. The seated kick to Truth gets two. 619 is broken up and a second is as well. Rey makes up for that by hitting one to Truth and Miz at the same time. Everything breaks down and the faces all start diving like a broke boxer in Vegas. The ring is cleared and Rey hits the top rope splash on Truth for the pin at 9:30.

Rating: B-. Solid opener here which was very fast paced. That’s exactly what the opening match is supposed to be. You had to get a bunch of these guys on the show somehow and this is as good a way as any. I like these random tag matches because you combine feuds and manage to get a fun match too. Not everything needs to have some epic backstory to it to be a good match and this is proof of it. Good stuff.

Johnny Ace demands a public apology from Punk for getting kicked in the head. Well Ace is certainly annoying already so he’s doing his job. Punk mockingly apologizes and Ace leaves. Punk turns around and there’s the still hot Stephanie. She says HHH, Cena and Vince have all wished him good luck. He kind of says she’s brainless and she offers him a handshake anyway. “I would but I know where that hand has been.”

Recap of Henry vs. Sheamus which is basically about Sheamus being the only guy willing to fight Henry. That’s still a cool moment.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

I can’t imagine this going long. Sheamus gets in a few shots early on but then the beating begins. Henry hammers on Sheamus and we head to the floor where Henry gorilla presses Sheamus into the ring through the top and middle ropes. That was kind of awesome. Splash gets two. There’s a backbreaker and now an over the shoulder body vice.

The pale one fights out of it and manages to take Henry down for a moment. Emphasis on the moment aspect though as Henry takes him down again. The Vader Bomb misses though and Sheamus starts his comeback. A flying axehandle puts him on the mat and Sheamus starts dropping some knees. He fires off the forearms to the chest when Henry is caught in the ropes.

Sheamus hits the ropes and they collide, sending both guys down for a few seconds. The Irishman hits a top rope shoulder block for two. The cord is of course hot here because it’s LA and it’s a wrestling town. Sheamus pounds his chest but the Brogue Kick misses. Henry tries the World’s Strongest Slam but Sheamus counters and the Brogue Kick sends Henry to the floor. He’s out cold and dead weight now. Naturally since Sheamus is a face now he goes after him and is rammed back first into the post and then through the barricade which explodes. It’s a countout win by Henry at 9:20.

Rating: C. Well it’s Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. What were you expecting here other than power vs. power? This could probably lead to a gimmick match down the line which I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing. They backed themselves into a corner with the booking here though and it was pretty obvious that they weren’t going to do a clean ending here, which is understandable.

Christian is in the back with a big smile on his face. He has an insurance policy and the entire WWE is the beneficiary. Anything goes and we’re in LA, which means the match is going to be like a summer blockbuster like Harry Potter. Well that’s better than a Buff Blockbuster I guess. Oh Christian is Potter while Orton is Cowboys and Alience. I haven’t seen that yet so I can’t make a joke there.

Ad for some movie.

Time to kill off any momentum we had built up in the first 45 minutes with a performance by Cee Lo Green. Since one song wasn’t enough, here’s another with some dancing Divas. Well we’ve just lost 5 minutes of my life.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Eve and Nattie are here as seconds. Kelly looking good in the tiny white shorts and Beth in the blue skirt thing. Kelly uses speed to take over and does her gymnastics stuff. I can’t complain about an upskirt shot of Beth. Kelly dives off the middle rope to the floor. That looked decent. Beth remembers that she’s Beth Phoenix and she’s fighting Kelly Kelly so she gets a gorilla hot shot for two. Booker and Jerry as for a wardrobe malfunction. Off to a chinlock as Cole says he’s turned off by Kelly over some photoshopping thing.

Beth hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker but Kelly escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Kelly gets put in the Tree of Woe but escapes via gymnastics. This is kind of stop and go match. Kelly gets all fired up and slams Beth’s head into the mat a few times to come back. She looks spent though. Handspring elbow is caught into the Glam Slam and Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:20. Yes, that just happened totally clean.

Rating: C+. Given what I was expecting, this was a miracle. It’s nothing great or anything but they tried out there. It’s pretty easily Kelly’s best match ever and that’s not covering a lot but they worked hard and it came off pretty well. I totally don’t get the ending but the plastic chick going over in Hollywood makes sense.

Stephanie comes out of Cena’s locker room.

Jimmy freaking Hart of all people is with R-Truth and says he needs a manager. Truth realizes something: JIMMY IS LITTLE! HE’S LITTLE JIMMY!!! Truth scares him off and talks about the conspiracy, yelling at Ron Artest and his daughter who are just chilling in the back for no apparent reason.

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Mat stuff to start with Barrett in control. Booker talks about Bryan having his lunch today. We had breakfast talk on Friday and now this? Jerry calls Barrett a carnivore which is a decent enough line. SICK looking arm hold into a pin attempt by Bryan. Cole is way off tonight, calling Barrett the submission specialist and thinking Bryan was the carnivore Jerry was talking about.

Cross body gets two for Bryan. There’s a dragon screw legwhip which has Dusty Rhodes freaking out I’m sure. Running dropkick in the corner gets two and it’s surfboard time. Here come the kicks as Bryan channels his inner Rockette. Barrett gets a shot in and takes over again. This has been a match of varying streaks which is usually a formula for good stuff.

Barrett gets a slingshot (thing Blanchard) backbreaker for two and it’s off to a chinlock. The British dude keeps expanding his arsenal with a flying forearm for two. Oh and Bryan has a much shorter haircut now. Barrett gets sent to the floor with a dropkick and a running knee square to the head. That looked SICK. Back inside now and the pumphandle slam is countered into more kicks. Bryan is speeding things up and taking over now.

HARD kicks to the chest but Barrett won’t go down. Ok a big one to the head puts him down. I think he kicked the British out of him. Now Barrett takes over again and loads up Wasteland but Bryan elbows out of it and throws on the guillotine. That doesn’t work and it’s off to the LeBell Lock but Barrett makes the rope. I thought that was the end. This is getting some time too. They go up to the corner and Bryan gets crotched. Barrett gets a middle rope lariat to the crotched Bryan and now he loads Wasteland, which is enough for the clean pin at 11:45.

Rating: B. Match of the night here by far and it was good stuff. They went back and forth hard here and it let both guys showcase themselves really well. Bryan losing here is ok because he didn’t look bad at all. You can lose and not look bad and this is a great example of that. Good match here and I was way into it near the end.

The California National Guard is here.

We recap Christian vs. Orton. Basically Christian played up Orton’s anger management and got him to snap long enough to lose the title at Money in the Bank. Tonight it’s no holds barred. And remember Christian has promised a surprise insurance policy.

The champ comes out first which is odd. He has a mic and says he’s a man of his words. The insurance policy…..IS EDGE???? His haircut is a little weird but he looks about the same. A bit skinnier though which is expected. If I didn’t have to hit the gym every day I certainly wouldn’t.

Edge says that he’ll never be able to wrestle again but he was happy when he left because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. He thought the first defense against Orton was unfair but then Christian started complaining a lot. Christian did win the title back but he did it by disqualification. Edge did a lot of weak things but he did it with style and was never boring.

He didn’t hide behind suits and clipboards. No Edge you hid behind Vickie. Somewhere along the lines Christian became a disgrace to himself. Christian knows he’s better than that but now he’s just a whiner. With that, Edge leaves to a nice ovation. And heeeeeeeeere’s Randy!

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton

No holds barred remember. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Opening slugout is won by Orton and he hammers the Canadian down in the corner. Christian gets that reverse guillotine thing of his and a jumping back elbow (love that move) gets two. Back body drop sets up the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for two. They have a ton of time here.

The psychology is working here because they’ve had like 5 matches beforehand to get each others’ moves down, meaning the counters make a lot more sense. Elevated DDT is blocked into a backdrop to the floor. Orton loads up the table but the RKO is counter. Christian grabs the belt and heads into the crowd. The GM computer is there but it hasn’t been used in weeks.

Orton catches him in the crowd and hammers away. Back to ringside now and Christian finds a kendo stick to pound on Orton. He chokes away and shouts a lot and gets two. Christian charges at him in the corner and gets rolled up into a VERY close two count. Spinebuster gets two for the champion. Orton fires off a dropkick to block a kendo stick shot from the middle rope.

Randy is bleeding from the mouth a bit. He starts his finishing sequence and there’s the powerslam. Now he’s got the stick but Christian gets his feet up to break that up. Middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two for Randy. Thesz Press takes Christian down but Christian counters into the Killswitch. That is countered into the backbreaker for two.

Orton grabs some tables from under the ring but Christian spears him into the railing. Cole recaps the show in case someone is flipping through the PPV channels and wants to see if they’re watching the right show they bought I suppose. There’s a table set up at ringside and one in the ring not set up. Orton superplexes Christian onto the unset table but might have hut his tailbone. It only gets two anyway.

The table is already broken but Orton puts it in the corner anyway. Yes slap a cracked table with some of the legs already broken. Nothing could go wrong with that idea. Christian counters the toss into it and hits the reverse DDT. He loads up the spear but Orton jumps over him. RKO is countered and we go back to the floor. Christian goes into the steps and does a nice flip over them.

Now Christian puts Orton’s head into the steps so Randy is going to take a little nap now. Edge’s former brother but now his best friend for life because kayfabe is more powerful than blood drills him with the monitor and I think he says RKO. Christian tries an RKO but Randy has fought the Undertaker a few times so he counters into the RKO of his own and both guys are down.

The fans say this is awesome and they’re getting there. Back in the ring and Orton tries another RKO but Christian counters into the Killswitch for a LONG two. The fans thought it was over. The Spanish announcers are trying to get back on the air which is a funny visual. Christian has a chair now and make it a pair of them. It’s Conchairto time but Christian spits on Orton and takes FOREVER, allowing Orton to get up and crack Christian with the chair. The Canadian goes to the apron and a running shot to the head sends Christian through the table.

Orton still isn’t done as he throws everything he’s got under the ring. There are steps, kendo sticks, garbage cans and the table that is still up in the corner. Christian is on the steps trying to get a breather. Orton puts his foot on the champ’s head and tries a stomp but Christian moves. Powerslam puts Christian through the very end of the table, meaning the rest of it is still standing.

Now it’s stick time and Christian’s back takes a shot. The stick is already bent after two shots. There’s an elevated DDT onto the can. It feels like they’re just killing time for some reason. Orton goes into RKO mode onto the steps but Christian finds a kendo stick from somewhere. He tries to go off the ropes but jumps into an RKO on the steps, giving Orton his 9^th world title at 24:36.

Rating: B+. Definitely a good match but they’ve had a better one, probably at Over the Limit. The beating was really good and the ending was SICK. Christian was defeated here and that’s what he needed to have done. They’ll probably have one more blowoff match, hopefully in the Cell which is where this feud could go. After that one though, I don’t know if there’s a point. Still though, very good match that didn’t feel like it was 25 minutes, which is a good thing.

Video about Axxeess while they clear out the ring. There’s a lot of anti-bullying stuff there too. There are some uh….celebrities here I guess they’re called.

Stephanie is talking to HHH but we can’t hear what’s being said.

We recap Punk vs. Cena in the same video we’ve seen three or four times already. I think you get the idea of this already.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

HHH is guest referee and it’s champion vs. champion. This show has been very good so far but if this match is as good as it could be, it hits great. Cult of Personality is a sweet song. We go way old school with a weapons check. Punk is far more popular than Cena. Feeling out process to start. The jean shorts are officially classic. The dueling chants begin and it’s totally domianted by Cena Sucks.

The feeling out process continues and John takes Punk to the mat almost in an amateur style. Now the fans think someone can’t wrestle. This has nearly 40 minutes if need be so they can build very slowly. Cena grabs a chinlock but Punk grabs one of his own including a body vice. Booker is complaining about the technical stuff. Release fisherman’s suplex gets two for John.

We’re seven minutes into this and there hasn’t been anything big yet. Then again it’s not even 10:30 so it’s not like they have to get going immediately. Punk in control and he drops a headbutt and it’s back to the bodyvice. HHH has been pretty inconsequential so far. Cena tries the STF but Punk kicks him off. The crowd is all over Cena tonight. Dropkick knocks Cena off the apron.

Back inside and Punk gets in some kicks to the ribs. There’s an Earthquake for two. Cena fights up but gets caught with a running knee to the head with him against the ropes. He falls onto the mat and fights up into You Can’t See Me. Cena tries the STF but Punk counters into the hold called the Anaconda Vice (Koji Clutch) which is countered into a modified STF. Cole sounds bored out of his mind on the hold.

Punk counters into the real Anaconda Vice (called a keylock) but Cena counters into a Crossface (called a front facelock or something) but Punk gets a rope. Suicide dive takes both guys out. HHH starts the count and both guys are down at 9. Thankfully he stops the count and goes to get them, drawing a round of applause. He throws both guys back in and says let’s go.

Both guys get up and it’s time for the slugout. Cena grabs an AA attempt but Punk escapes, only to get taken down by a SWEET dropkick. There’s the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into a jackknife cover which is countered into a backslide which is countered into a bridge and a kick to the head for two. AWESOME sequence!

GTS is countered and Cena hits a corner splash. Sitout powerslam gets two as this is getting awesome very quickly. Punk breaks up the top rope Fameasser with a running knee to the head (very popular move anymore) and a bulldog gets two. Punk tries the springboard clothesline but Cena counters into the STF but Punk grabs a rope. The fans are into it but they’re waiting on the HHH stuff I think.

AA is countered into the GTS which is countered into the AA for two. Cena complains to HHH but HHH says it was two. Cena goes up and gets HUGE air on the Fameasser but misses, crashing into the mat and possibly hurting his leg. GTS gets two and Punk is stunned. Punk goes up but is very tired. With a point to the air he drops an elbow for two. That made me smile. Punk’s face is great as he’s shocked.

There’s a Randy Savage chant which is the right idea. Cena grabs a rollup for two and Cena is all fired up. He punches away but Punk grabs a kick to the ribs and another knee to the head. GTS (hit the arm) gets three but Cena’s foot is on the rope. Chant with me: DUSTY FINISH! The pin went down at 24:30.

Rating: A+. It’s not as good as MITB but to call this less than a perfect grade would be unfair. They beat the tar out of each other and had some incredible chemistry as always. These two just have it and there’s no way to teach that. It worked perfectly and the whole thing was great. Cena was all over the place here, trying to prove how well he could work and that’s what he did here. Great match but great in a different way than last month, which is a good thing.

Punk is all happy post match but won’t shake HHH’s hand. HHH holds the arm up and leaves. Of all people KEVIN NASH is in the ring and beats up Punk, leaving him laying with a Jackknife. IT’S ALBERTO!!!

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Running enziguri and Del Rio is champion!!!!!!! He celebrates and we’re done. WOW.

Overall Rating: A+. I liked it better than MITB I think and that’s saying a whole lot. There isn’t a single bad match on the whole card as even the Divas were impressive. Great show here with a great pair of main events to end it. This has been an AWESOME summer and a lot of it has been spearheaded by Punk and hopefully it’s not going to end. The ending is great as we have questions, a great match and a new champion. Definitely worth seeing and it’s great for different reasons than MITB, which is a great sign. Great show and the best two show streak for WWE in years.

 

Results

Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz – Top Rope Splash to R-Truth

Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout

Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix – Victory Roll

Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Wasteland

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO onto the steps

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk – Running enziguri

Smackdown
Date: June 17, 2011
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

Final show before Capitol Punishment and the main question here is can Orton actually wrestle on Sunday.  He has a legit concussion and is more or less a game time decision for the PPV.  Other than that it’ll all be the final push towards the PPV, hopefully giving us some more matches as the midcard could use some filling out.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Christian, talking about his whole title story and ultimately losing the title and his heel turn.  That was a great speech last week as the whole thing worked completely.

Into the arena now and here’s the champ.  After a very long intro, he says he does have a concussion but he doesn’t care.  He’s ready to fight tonight.  And here’s Teddy to say no and that Randy has the night off.  Christian comes out and says he gave Orton the one thing Randy needed: an excuse.  Orton can use that to explain why he loses the title on Sunday, instead of just admitting that Christian is better.

Christian does a quick pole of the audience, which says they want to see Orton win.  Christian goes to leave but here’s Sheamus, saying that he beat Orton last week and deserves the shot.  Christian says Strawberry Shortcake needs to wait his turn.  Christian vs. Sheamus tonight and if the pale one wins, it’s a triple threat on Sunday.

Sin Cara/Ezekiel Jackson/Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase/Wade Barrett

 

Rematch from Monday here.  DiBiase/Jackston to start us off.  The camera seems to be a bit lower than usual.  DiBiase apparently has set up a Facebook question, asking if Rhodes should help him remake his image.  DiBiase runs from Cara and we take a break.  Back with DiBiase taking over and Cara before bringing in Rhodes.  Cara speeds things up as well as he can but the power of Dusty’s kid takes that down.

Off to Barrett who doesn’t do much before it’s off to DiBiase.  Following clothesline gets two.  Barrett back in now for a bow and arrow to Cara.  Cara tries some kicks but almost gets caught in a pumphandle slam.  Barrett keeps hammering away though and there’s the pumphandle.  Scratch that as it gets countered a second time, this time into a spinning DDT.  Hot tag to Bryan who takes over on DiBiase.  The ending comes out of nowhere and appeared to be botched.  Bryan hit a running dropkick in the corner and DiBiase got his shoulder up but the pin was called at 9:36.  Everyone looked confused.

Rating: C. Eh this was fine.  Just a longer version of what they had on Monday.  No idea why there was almost nothing from Jackson though.  Either way, not bad but just a six man tag.  The ending was kind of weird as Bryan looked at the referee as if to argue but then was told three so he celebrated.  Weird.

Sheamus says he’ll win tonight and on Sunday.

Back and they actually show that the referee messed up.  Interesting.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jinder Mahal

 

I love when the brand split is tossed out the window.  Mahal’s legs seem to get longer every week.  Mahal dominates for the most part, hitting a jumping knee and a Russian legsweep for two.  Kozlov gets in some shots and the headbutts, but a charge misses and Koz’s shoulder goes into the post.  Khali adds in a shot and the full nelson slam ends this at 2:49.  More or less just a squash.

Here’s Big Show who is a Raw guy isn’t he?  Josh asks him why he’s a Raw guy on Smackdown.  Show says he heard a rumor that Alberto is going to be here.  Show looks annoyed/preoccupied here.  We get a clip of the video about Show and Alberto with the car and all that jazz.  After seeing it, Show says he feels fine but then walks around a bit kind of shaking his head.  He talks about being hit by the car for a second or two and then walks around even madder.

Before he can say anything else, here’s Teddy to say that Show can’t touch Alberto if Alberto shows up.  Apparently Show is possibly facing civil and criminal charges for Show attacking Ricardo on Monday.  If that happens again tonight, Teddy loses his job (pop for that).  Show has a match tonight though, against Mark Henry.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

 

Show jumps him before the bell and massacres him, knocking him out cold in maybe 20 seconds.  Not an actual match.  Henry goes out on a stretcher.

Christian says he shouldn’t have to fight tonight and shouldn’t have lost the title in the first place.

Tamina/Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox vs. Natalya/Kaitlyn/AJ

 

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia to start but it’s off to Natalya and Tamina quickly.  Down goes Tamina and we get the Mr. Perfect/Bret Sharpshooter counter from Summerslam 91.  Everything breaks down quickly and a Samoan Drop from Tamina ends AJ.

Johnny Curtis putts a golf ball and pulls an ace of spades out of the hole.  Yes, it’s an ace in the hole.

Another Capitol Punishment press conference, the same one from last week.

Usos vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

 

Jimmy vs. Slater to start us off.  The former champions take over rather quickly with basic double teaming.  I’m assuming Slater/Gabriel are heels still but I’m not 100% sure.  Apparently they’re both extremists though.  Interesting to know I suppose.  Slater gets caught in a powerslam coming off the top and it’s enough to bring in Jey and Gabriel.  Spinning forearm gets no cover.  Apparently Jey has a tattoo on his chest which is how you tell them apart.  A double Samoan Drop gets two.  That looked awesome too.  Everything breaks down and Jey hits a top rope splash onto Gabriel for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C+. Some good stuff from the Usos here and we got a good match out of it.  Maybe they’re the new flavor of the month and if so I can’t really complain.  They’re as good as any other tag team right now, which isn’t saying much but it hasn’t in years so there you go.  Not bad with some good stuff from the Samoans.

Video on Truth vs. Cena and Truth’s insanity.

Alberto is actually here and says there is no truth to him coming back to Smackdown due to being afraid of Show on Raw.  We get a clip of the attack on Ricardo on Monday and how Show has lost his mind.  Apparently Ricardo is very hurt and was Alberto’s best friend.  Ricardo will get his revenge and Alberto is dedicating his victory on Sunday to his best friend.  If Show was here, Alberto would spit in his face.  You know what that means, and as the music hits Alberto runs.  Show destroys ringside instead and I mean REALLY destroys it as Alberto watches from the crowd.

Back with a replay of what we just saw.

Christian vs. Sheamus

 

If Sheamus wins then it’s a three way on Sunday.  Orton of course sits in on this one.  Basic back and forth stuff to start with Sheamus sending him to the floor, right in front of Orton.  After Christian is scared to death by that and Sheamus hits a baseball slide we take a break.  Back with Sheamus hammering away but Christian gets some shots in to take control.

That doesn’t last long though as he walks into the Irish Curse for two and it’s time for some clubberin.  Pretty back and forth stuff here but a slight advantage to Christian at the moment.  Headbutt/splash misses and Sheamus hits a top rope shoulder block for two.  Christian hits the tornado DDT out of the corner for two but a spear fails due to a shot from Sheamus which gets two.

Killswitch doesn’t work and neither does the Brogue Kick.  Killswitch misses again but there’s the pendulum kick.  He goes up which fails and Sheamus chokes him on the top.  Out of absolutely nowhere, Christian snaps Sheamus’ neck down across the top rope which is enough for the pin at 9:04.  Totally random ending.

Rating: C. Didn’t like this for the most part as it didn’t have much time to get anywhere.  The ending hurt it also as there wasn’t anything resembling a build to it either.  It’s like they were told to end it NOW and so they rushed that together.  Also, did anyone really think Christian was losing here?  Really?

Post match Orton chases Christian away and punts Sheamus.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t that huge on this show this week.  There was some ok stuff but for the most part there were too many repeats from Monday and too much stuff that didn’t seem to matter.  They weren’t going to change the PPV main event and there was barely anything between Zeke and Barrett.  There was more good than bad, but this was lackluster for Smackdown.

Results

Daniel Bryan/Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara b. Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett – Dropkick to DiBiase

Jinder Mahal b. Vladimir Kozlov

Tamina/Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox b. Natalya/Kaitlyn/AJ – Samoan Drop to AJ

Usos b. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

Christian b. Sheamus – Clothesline on the top rope

Smackdown
Date: April 22, 2011
Location: O2 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Tonight Alberto Del Rio is going to have a going away party for Edge who apparently will be in attendance tonight.  Things are all leading to the Draft on Monday where things are going to get turned upside down as they typically do.  This should be fun as Smackdown was pretty good last week.  They’ve changed their style to more of a squash heavy show which works in a different way than the style they had used before.  Let’s get to it.

We open with the 3 Doors Down video from Raw which works for me as they’re my favorite band.  This is a clipped down version, as in like 45 seconds long.

We also get a recap of the ending of the battle royal last week with Christian winning the spot in the match against Del Rio.

Do you know your enemy?  Mine at the moment is people that can’t understand what “no lettuce” means.

The world title belt is hanging above the ring.

Big Show and Kane vs. Corre for the tag titles later as well as Kofi vs. Barrett for the IC Title.  Didn’t he get a rematch already?

Cole gets a big introduction as Sir Michael Cole.  Wouldn’t he be subservient to King Booker?

 

Cody Rhodes comes out with a paper bag.  There are also people in suits with a shopping cart.  Cody says his mask is for protection but Rey’s is for hiding his fears and hatred for the fans.  He talks about how the fans are all wearing masks as we’re getting philosophical here.  He has a remedy though at his own expense.  In the shopping cart are paper bags with faces cut out of them.  Not quite the cars that Oprah gives away but a nice gift I guess.  Cody has a bag saved for Rey.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey gets a kick in early and we head to the floor.  Rey gets a seated senton off the apron as we take a break.  Back with Cody knocking Rey off the top and taking over.  Cody tries a powerbomb which is reversed for two.  Big old clothesline gets two for Rhodes as Cody is being all psycho.  Dropkick looks to set up the 619 but Cody reverses with a backdrop to the apron.  They fight on said apron with Cody sending Rey into the post as we take ANOTHER break.  We’ve had two breaks with three minutes of actual wrestling to watch.

Back with Cody hammering away as Booker and Cole get into it again.  Rey does the Bret Hart chest into the buckle bump so Cody can ram the mask into the head of Rey.  Booker thinks Cody has amnesia.  What in the world is Booker on anyway?  Rey fights Cody off of the top and gets some high flying stuff including a cross body for two.  The swinging kick to a seated Cody misses as he rolls Rey up for two.

Top rope….something….jumps into a dropkick by Cody for two.  It might have been a cross body but it wasn’t actually cross.  Cody sets for Cross Rhodes but Rey fights out of it.  Another powerbomb is attempted but Rey counters again, this time into a rana for the pin at 7:10 shown of 14:10.

Rating: C+. Well what we saw of it was good.  This will likely be setting up the tiebreaker match at Extreme Rules which I really hope Cody wins.  He has the potential to be a decent main event jobbing heel and I hope they let him do that rather than having him job to Rey like so many others have done in the past.

Cody keeps beating on Rey post match and they go into the crowd for a bit.  They get bored out there I guess as they head back to ringside.  Cody sends Rey into the steps and they fight on the barricade.  Rey sends him into the crowd again and takes over.  Rey LAUNCHES Cody over the railing to send him back towards the ring.  Cody looked like a mannequin flying through the air.  Cody takes over again and hits Cross Rhodes on the floor.  He puts a paper bag over Rey’s head and leaves him laying.

Gabriel and Barrett are in the back and Gabriel says it wasn’t personal when he eliminated him.  Barrett says it was personal and Slater says they both would have sold their mother down the river to get ahead.  Jackson comes up and says calm down because he’s the leader.  Barrett glares at him so Jackson says he’s just kidding.  Barrett and the tag champions still aren’t happy.

We recap Laycool’s therapy from last week.  They had more therapy earlier today and McCool says Layla wouldn’t be here without her.  They argue even more and yell at the therapist.  McCool says maybe they should split because Layla might not be flawless.  Michelle apologizes and they hug to a nice pop.  And never mind as McCool grabs her by the hair and throws her onto the couch.  I’ll let that image sink in for a few moments before I point out it was to hurt Layla.  She cries as McCool leaves.

Cole is in the ring and we see a clip of the knighting and feet kissing thing from Raw.  He brings out Swagger for the following squash.

Jack Swagger vs. Trent Barreta

 

Total squash as Swagger beats him up with ease, hitting the Vader Bomb.  An enziguri hits and Trent tries a springboard, only to get caught in a powerbomb.  Angle lock ends clean at 1:13.

Big Show was at the Kids Choice Awards.

Tag Titles: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel vs. Big Show/Kane

 

Slater vs. Kane to start as we’re talking about John Kennedy for some reason.  Cole says Booker is jealous because he’s not a King anymore.  Maybe he’s an 8 or 9 but not a King.  Show comes in for some pounding and it’s back off to Kane.  Slater gets a shot to the knee and immediately tags out.  Gabriel comes in and before he takes two steps takes a right hand from Kane to take him down.  That looked great!

Kane goes up but Jackson shoves him off to set up the Ricky Morton stint.  Slater grabs a chinlock and tags out again to Justin.  Gabriel at least makes it more than a few seconds before getting drilled this time that’s an upgrade for him.  Kane pops him with another hard sounding shot and tries the side slam.  Gabriel reverses into a spinning DDT for two.  Slater comes off the top and Kane pops him as well.  He’s been sharp with those punches in this.

Hot tag to Show who cleans house.  Slater gets sent to the floor onto Jackson and Kane hits that uppercut on Jackson as well.  He must have been following his brother with only big right hands or uppercuts.  Anyway Slater runs into Big Show and we remember who is who here, meaning the chokeslam gives us new champion at 4:04.  Kane and Big Show were never once in anything resembling jeopardy here.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match here but Kane’s uppercuts, while basic, were cool looking as they made every member of the Corre go flying.  Also they didn’t make things ridiculous by having the two small guys fight against the monsters which would have been a good bit realistic.  Not much here but the right ending and it gives the English fans something special to remember.

The Corre argues in the back with Jackson blaming Slater for getting pinned and Slater shoving Gabriel and walking away.

Drew McIntyre vs. Chris Masters

 

When is the last time Masters won a match that wasn’t on Superstars?  Masters shoves him into the corner to start and sends Drew to the apron.  Masterlock out there doesn’t work so Chris blasts him to the apron.  Back in and Drew wakes up a bit as he hammers away for two.  Futureshock is reversed into a small package for two.  Sky High gets two for Masters as he makes a nice comeback.  Middle rope shoulder gets two and he goes for the Masterlock again.  Drew walks up the corner and slams back onto Masters to reverse.  Futureshock ends this at 3:35.  Nice pop for McIntyre.

Rating: C. Better match here with Masters looking competitive again but eventually he has to beat someone.  He really needs a move that is a pinning move like a powerbomb or something as most heels simply aren’t going to give up to end a match.  That Sky High of his could work.  If he gets some pins with it then it makes him a far better threat to anyone else he fights, which he really isn’t at the moment.

Raw ReBound is the R-Truth heel turn from Raw.  The video they have is the one from NXT which is much better than the actual turn itself.  Eats up about 4:30.

We recap the Rhodes/Mysterio match and post match stuff from earlier.  The match at the PPV will be falls count anywhere.  That fits with the crowd thing earlier I guess.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

 

Jackson is with Barrett.  Kofi hammers away to start as Booker says Kofi worries about the fans too much.  Barrett gets a boot in to take over.  Kofi sends him to the floor and hits a BIG cross body to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Barrett holding a bow and arrow hold on Kingston.  During the break Barrett sent Kofi into the steps to take over.

Back to the floor again as Barrett might have a bad wrist or hand.  Jackson accidentally takes Barrett out and we head back in.  Barrett yells at Jackson and sends him to the back.  Small package gets two for Kofi and it’s comeback (was he ever in trouble) time.  Boom Drop hits and Kofi sets for Trouble in Paradise.  Wade catches him in a fireman’s carry and puts Kofi on top.  Kofi tries a victory roll/rollup off the ropes but Barrett kneels down and grabs the ropes for the pin at 4:24 shown of 7:54.  Well that was short.

Rating: C-. Kofi’s big spots were nice but he needs to go to Raw.  There is nothing left for him to do on Smackdown and it’s very clear.  He hasn’t had any direction in forever and he needs a change of scenery.  This was a pretty weak match overall but the time is to blame for that.  Even though the whole thing was almost 8 minutes, just seeing about four and a half didn’t work.  Not a fan of this one but it was ok from a technical standpoint.

Time for Alberto’s party for Edge.  Clay and Rodriguez are there with him of course.  There are presents apparently and they’re under sheets.  Alberto pulls the first sheet off and it’s a grandfather clock.  Gift number two: adult diapers.  Make you own jokes there.  The third gift is her.

Cue LITA of all people….and it’s a fat chick.  Yeah I think we all saw that coming.  Del Rio says she never looked better.  Edge can go on a romantic stroll with her because he has this: a walker.  Time for the final gift which is a motorized scooter driven by Ricardo.  He does the Edge pose for the pyro to go off.  Oh and it comes complete with a handicap parking pass.

Cue Edge, looking a bit more like himself in jeans and a t-shirt with sunglasses.  Edge RSVPed on Facebook (that was on the graphic every time they showed it tonight) and this party sucks.  After some bad insults, Del Rio sends Brodus after Edge.  Christian pops up from nowhere with a ladder to drill Brodus and Del Rio as Alberto charges.  Christian sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring and pulls down the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Considering this was one of the England show, this worked pretty well I though.  They let it be a regular show instead of a boring one like they tend to have on the British episodes.  Things are kind of on hold until the Draft which is a problem as we have the PPV right around the corner.  Cody was good tonight and the PPV is a good place to blow that feud off at.  Solid show overall and it worked rather well.  Good stuff.

Results

Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes – Hurricanrana

Jack Swagger b. Trent Barreta – Ankle Lock

Big Show/Kane b. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel – Chokeslam to Slater

Drew McIntyre b. Chris Masters – Futureshock

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Rollup

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 14, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
Guest Star: Snooki

After last week’s pretty good show, we’re here with the first of the final three Raws before Mania.  With 20 days to go, things started to looks up last week as Miz got serious and Cena apparently is done talking to Rock.  Also tonight it’s Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus in a title vs. job match which should be fun.  Let’s get to it.

Oh and Snooki is here tonight too.  Dang it all.

We open with a picture of the Rock and hear him talking to the president.  He makes fun of Cena’s promo last week, saying it wasn’t funny and that Cena talks like a child.  Cena’s music hits and Rock says he’ll have to call the President back.  Rock talks to someone off camera, saying that Cena is a man for coming to see him.

And it’s a kid.  The kid is in a Cena shirt and raps a bit but Rock says that Cena has to talk like an adult.  Rock sits down and makes fun of “Cena”, saying that while Cena has run with the ball since Rock is gone, he hasn’t run that far.  At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that Cena simply isn’t that talented.

Rock says it doesn’t matter how that makes him feel and Cena starts crying.  Rock says that the fans should be crying after seeing Cena’s movies.  The Rock gives him a gift: a box of Fruity Pebbles.  This is absolutely hilarious by the way.  After sending the kid away, Rock turns to the camera and turns his attention to the Miz.

They haven’t been introduced and Miz claims to be the most must see WWE Champion in history.  Well he’s the Rock, the most electrifying man in all of entertainment.  There’s this ominous music playing in the background at the same time.  Miz hit the People’s Elbow and insulted his family.  That statement means that Miz wants the biggest whipping of all time.  Rock says the time for talking is done and before Mania he will be on Raw.  Cena needs to shut his mouth.  The smack will be laid down, if you smell what he’s cooking.

Trish is in the back with Snooki.  Someone get me my gun that I don’t own.

All three commentators are here and Cole is in his own glass/plastic box.  That’s hilarious.  Oh and it’s called the Cole Mine.  Great stuff.  There’s no top on it.

Here’s Miz and we get a clip of three weeks ago when Miz and Cena won the tag titles.  Also we see the end of the cage match and of last week’s show.  In present time Miz says that Rock’s shirt says I Bring It.  That’s true as he brings bad movies, weak catchphrases and long diatribes of a has been.  Miz runs down Rock’s family because he’s WWE Champion, making him better than them.

Rock likes to make six year olds cry.  Miz says Rock should step into this ring as Miz will make Rock cry.  Rock doesn’t own Cena, the Miz does.  Miz says that he hopes Rock brings it here to St. Louis, but if Rock does he’ll be overshadowed by Miz.  The catchphrase seems to end the commercial but we have an e-mail.

Cole has to leave the box to get to the podium and Lawler blocks his way.  Apparently Jerry is going to read them tonight.  There are two first time ever matches tonight: one for Cena and one for Miz.  Cena faces Alberto Del Rio and Miz faces the Great Khali.  I would have bet on HHH but I guess they’re saving that for Mania.  Miz vs. Khali is next.

The Miz vs. Great Khali

 

Naturally Khali dominates to start.  Cole is already getting on my verves by ignoring Lawler every time he talks.  Khali gets the big overhead chop and locks in the vice less than a minute in.  Miz’s face being all crushed is hilarious.  Miz gets the rope and Riley runs in for the DQ (wasn’t he fired?) at 1:14.  Miz destroys Khali with a chair Austin style post match.  DDT on the chair ends it.  Miz actually BROKE the chair, as in one of the legs is hanging off.  There’s a gash in Khali’s back too which I can’t imagine is fake.

Cole is going to expose Lawler tonight with a special guest.

Orton vs. Ryan later.

We see the HHH video from Smackdown which is designed to make HHH look like a tough guy.  That isn’t that hard to do.

John Morrison is talking to Snooki.  Dang it he had potential.  She offers him a spot of Jersey Shore.  Vickie and Dolph come up and make fun of Snooki.  Apparently Vickie was offered the cover of Playboy.  Snooki makes a fat joke and blocks a slap to hit Vickie and we take a break.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

 

There’s a graphic with an American flag and fireworks for the US Title.  Cool.  If Sheamus loses he quits.  Gail Kim is with Bryan here.  Sheamus looked angry about the idea of the stipulation even though it was his idea I believe.  Sheamus takes over early as we talk about the possibility of the curse of being King of the Ring.  Bryan moonsaults over Sheamus and tries the LeBell Lock but Sheamus escapes.

Suicide Dive to the floor takes down Sheamus and a missile dropkick takes down the Irishman for two.  Sheamus hits the floor again and looks lost as we take a break.  Back with Sheamus in control of Bryan, mainly focusing on his back.  Bryan grabs a small package for two and sends Sheamus to the floor.  Sheamus may have hurt his ankle again just like last week.

He makes it back in this week but the Brogue Kick misses and Bryan grabs the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus grabs the ropes and tries the High Cross.  Bryan rolls through it for two and they slug it out with Bryan taking him down.  BIG kick to the head gets a long two.  Bryan goes up but jumps into the Brogue Kick which ends Bryan’s title reign at 9:00.  Sweet ending.

Rating: B. This was a good TV match with both guys coming off looking good.  Sheamus is arguably a bigger star than Bryan so it’s not like this is a major upset.  The kick looked great too so it’s not like some weak move ended it.  Good TV match too and it got some good time with some hard hitting shots.  Good stuff.

Cole says he’s going to commit Regicide (killing of a king) tonight and his guest is up next.

After a recap of last week’s segment with JBL, Cole and Austin.  Cole is in the ring and says that Jerry gets defensive about his family.  Tonight Cole isn’t going to talk about Lawler’s family because Lawler’s family is going to talk about Lawler.  Cue Brian freaking Christopher, looking like a slim Dusty Rhodes with a beard with a distance.  Christopher cuts a total heel promo, saying how Lawler never wanted a family or a son and when Christopher made it to WWE, Lawler didn’t acknowledge that Christopher was his son.

Lawler grabs the mic and says that he’s glad Christopher never went by Brian Lawler, because he’s a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen, proven by him associating with Michael Cole.  Brian asks his dad how it feels that his son was at Wrestlemania before Lawler did as one of the biggest stars in the company as part of Too Cool (just go with it).  Christopher gets in his face and Lawler just sits there and takes it.  Cole says this proves that Lawler is a loser.

CUE JR of all people who says that Cole has gone too far with everything and that Cole needs to come to his senses.  Cole says that Ross needs to just go away and that he’s the voice of the WWE and not Jim Ross.  Ross has wanted to talk to him about that, because the voice of the WWE is that of the fans, not one person.  Lawler has been carrying Cole like a baby kangaroo in his mother’s pouch.  Ross says Cole isn’t cuddly like a kangaroo though.  He’s a rat bastard.

Cole talks about how this is what he always expected: Ross leaving Cole in his Cole’s ring like a coward.  JR takes the jacket and tie off and is ready to fight.  As he gets ready, Swagger jumps Lawler and then hits the ring to beat up Ross and put on the ankle lock.  Lawler gets up and hammers Swagger but Cole jumps on Lawler and puts the ankle lock on Lawler who taps.  Cole puts the hold on Ross and the evildoers stand tall.  Good stuff here indeed.

Edge and Christian get a tag title shot on Friday.  Cool.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan

 

Huge hometown boy pop for Orton of course.  Orton has punted everyone so far and this is the final one left for Orton to beat.  Punk is on the ramp of course and if Ryan wins he can be in the corner of Punk at Mania.  Ryan uses basic power to take over and hits the sitout Rock Bottom for two.  The referee seemed like he had to stop early there so maybe Orton missed his cue.  Ryan picks him up and another attempt is countered into the RKO to end it at 2:58.  This was nothing for the most part but at least the dismantling of the Nexus is over now.

Orton goes up for Punk on the ramp but turns around and sprints back into the ring to punt Ryan as well.  Punk tries to get in from behind but Orton turns and they lock eyes with both almost on their stomachs.  Punk slithers out.  Ryan is taken out on a stretcher.

We recap Snooki and Vickie from earlier and that slap.

Drew Carey is going into the Hall of Fame.  What do you even say to that?

Cole talks some more about how awesome he is.

Snooki and Trish are up next.  Snooki gets hit on by Zach Ryder and it’s totally pointless.

Snooki comes out and says nothing at all of note.  Way to earn that paycheck!

Vickie Guerero vs. Trish Stratus

 

This is No DQ all of a sudden.  Before the match Vickie yells at Snooki and claims that she was supposed to be on the cover of Rolling Stone instead of Snooki.  Trish works as a brunette too.  Vickie warms up before we get going here so Trish rolls her up for two.  Vickie runs to the floor and loses her shoe.  She gets it back and uses it like a sword.  Then she throws the shoe at Trish and tries to use it like a baseball bat.

Vickie gets spanked by the shoe until Dolph comes in for the save.  Cue Morrison for the second save and a big corkscrew plancha to take down Ziggler.  Laycool comes in and Michelle gets the boot to the face of Trish.  Vickie gets the pin at 2:30.  Just a comedy match here, and yet still longer and better than Hardy vs. Sting.  You knew I’d have to get a shot in at that somewhere.

Laycool gets in Snooki’s face post match and the fight is on.  Trish makes the save.  Snooki raises her arms and the tips of her fingers are equal to the top of Trish’s head.  Vickie makes a challenge for a 6 person/Diva/creature tag at Mania.  Snooki will do it.  Oh sweet goodness I need a blunt object to bash my skull in with.

Sin Cara is still coming.  That looks awesome.

Shawn talks about Undertaker.  I should point out that it’s 10:58 and we have a main event to go still.  Shawn praises Taker as he did HHH last week and nothing of note is said.  There’s an aura to the Streak apparently.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

 

Del Rio grabs a headlock to start and Cena speeds things up.  Cole says Rock is here tonight in St. Louis.  Del Rio hits the floor and we take a break at 11:05.  Ok then.  Back with Del Rio getting two off an unseen move.  Double knockdown and they slug it out after getting up.  Here come the shoulders and Del Rio is in trouble.  Five Knuckle Shuffle but Brodus runs in for the DQ at 7:25.  Not enough shown to rate again which is rather annoying but that’s life.

Anyway the point here is that Rock’s music plays and HE’S…..someone in a bald wig.  That would be Miz I believe.  Cena beats up Brodus but the numbers catch up to him.  That’s the best bald wig I’ve ever seen.  Cena is sent to the floor and Miz beats on him even more.  A few mic shots to the head put Cena down.  Del Rio and Clay are gone.

Miz suplexes him onto the ramp to mess with his back.  Cena fires back but can’t get the FU.  Miz DDTs him on the stage and Cena is out.  Cena gets rammed into the big WWE sign on the stage as this is going a bit long.  Skull Crushing Finale into the same sign and Cena is out cold to end the show.  Miz’s face is awesome.

Overall Rating: A-. This was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen….for about an hour and ten minutes.  Starting with Orton, the rest of this show just fell apart.  Now that being said, it was still very good overall.  Cena/Miz/Rock is awesome at this point and the Cole vs. Lawler thing is going to be epic when it finally goes off.  This was a very good show and they got things going for Mania even more.  That being said, I loathe “celebrities” like the Jersey Shore people so that was a big black mark for me.  Other than that, good stuff and even more good building for Mania.

Results

Great Khali b. The Miz via DQ when Alex Riley interfered

Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick

Randy Orton b. Mason Ryan – RKO

Vickie Guerrero b. Trish Stratus – Guerrero pinned Stratus after a big boot from Michelle McCool

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Brodus Clay interfered

Smackdown
Date: March 4, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Booker T, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

Well it’s another week closer to Wrestlemania and we’re coming off a kind of lackluster show last week.  However, we don’t have Vickie around anymore so I guess our ears will be in better shape now.  Tonight we have the official contract signing for Edge vs. Alberto and the approximately 100^th return on Smackdown of Undertaker.  There’s probably a DVD worth of them and I’m not exaggerating.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the events of last week that led to Vickie being fired.  She’s coming back isn’t she?

Edge and Alberto sign the contract tonight.

Theme song opens us up.

Here’s Edge whose left arm is taped up.  He talks about wanting to be able to look into Alberto’s eyes so Alberto can see what it takes to main event Wrestlemania.  Also he has a bone to pick with Alberto, as last week he was trying to say goodbye to Vickie but Alberto interrupted.  Edge wants to finish singing goodbye to Vickie though.  Drew McIntyre runs out though and is almost instantly sent to the floor.

Cue Teddy who wants to thank Drew.  He also wants to thank the fans around the world (assuming that was a misspeak) because they owe Drew a debt of gratitude because thanks to him, Vickie is gone.  Drew vs. Edge is made for right now.  Well right after the break and a thank you Drew chant led by Edge.

Drew McIntyre vs. Edge

 

Drew works on the arm to start as makes perfect sense.  Nice to see the show opening more or less with wrestling for once.  Edge tries to speed things up but gets caught in the face by a big boot and we go to the floor.  It’s been more or less all Drew in the first three minutes or so which has been about 80% arm work.  Drew says he’s going to end Edge’s career and then gets two in the ring.

There goes the arm tape and we hit the armbar again.  Hot crowd tonight as they chant for Edge.  Edge hits the floor and takes off his elbow pad.  We’re 30 days away from Wrestlemania.  That brings a smile to my face.  I love this time of year and we’re getting a pretty decent build to the show.  Edge plays possum on the floor and gets a backdrop to shift the momentum.

Back in and Edge gets a top rope cross body for two.  Booker completely ignores Josh’s questions about what Booker thinks of Edge’s arm injury.  Out of NOWHERE Edge hits the spear for…two as he picks Drew up.  Instead he throws on the Edgecator (the kneeling half Sharpshooter since he doesn’t use it that often) for the tap out at 5:15.  During the post match stuff Cole says it was a new move to Edge’s arsenal.  Considering it has a name I think that would be incorrect.

Rating: C+. Just a quick opener here but they had some psychology in there from Drew as he went after an injured body part.  I’m not entirely sure I get why Drew ran in to Vickie’s defense as I know he was defending her last week but I didn’t think they were best friends or something.  Fine for a quick opener and it added something to Edge as he apparently has a “new” finisher.

Show vs. Kane later.

Cole brings up his match with Lawler but apparently he’s not talking about that right now.

Here’s Rey….in a suit?  Cole says he’s back.  He was there last week so I guess everyone is back this week.  He also grew about 8 inches.  If you didn’t get that it’s not Rey but rather Cody Rhodes as the music changes and the mirror pops up on the screen.  We see a clip of the Rhodes’ beatdown from last week on the real Rey which really was good stuff.

Cody says don’t look at him.  Maybe the whole coming out in a Rey mask with loud rap music and fireworks before switching over to another song which would confuse the fans and then standing in the middle of a ring in the middle of the arena while talking and with a microphone amplifying your voice is causing them to look at you?  Anyway, Cody talks about wanting to get revenge on Rey, giving him just a fraction of the damage that Rey gave to Cody.  He challenges Rey for Mania and promises and promises to expose Rey’s face on the grandest stage of all.

In the back Corre comes up to talk to Kane.  They say that they helped Kane get the biggest victory of his career.  Tonight they want him to beat Show.  I’m assuming foreshadowing here?

Tag titles on the line next.

Tag Titles: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

 

Ok, PLEASE let this be the last match between these teams.  Is there a reason why a Raw (complete with name graphic) team is challenging on Smackdown when the tag champions can compete on both shows?  Santino and Gabriel start us off with Gabriel scaring Santino back with kicks and Santino scaring Gabriel back with the threat of the Cobra.  Santino gets the first offense in with a slam.

Booker still doesn’t like Jackson and still thinks he’s a thug.  Off to Kozlov as Booker intentionally ignores Cole.  Cobra puts Gabriel on the floor as we take a break.  Back with the Russian holding Slater in a headlock on the mat.  Slates goes for the knee and down goes Kozlov.  Barrett sneaks in a shot and Booker isn’t happy.  Off to Gabriel and we get a Santino chant.

Cravate by Gabriel as Cole brings up some cheating moments from Booker’s career.  Booker says “My career is….” and he’s cut off by having to stop to call the match.  I didn’t think he had retired or anything officially so that could have been interesting.  Anyway Kozlov takes Slater down and it’s off to Santino.  He gets his usual offense on Slater and hits the salute headbutt for two.  Everything breaks down and Santino loads up the Cobra.  He takes Barrett down with it but Slater hits a reverse DDT to retain at 4:06 shown of 7:36.

Rating: C-. Ok, we get it: Corre can beat Santino and Kozlov.  Now give us something else with these teams.  This would be a good chance to start rebuilding the tag division with some random teams facing Corre but that’s not going to happen.  Nothing special at all here and more of the same stuff we’ve seen a half dozen times with these guys.

Christian is back next week.  No word on if that’s in the ring or not.  At the same time we recap his injury and return at the PPV.  No mention of him at the Slammys which was hilarious.

Alberto and Ricardo are in the back and Alberto says he almost captured his essence.  That’s all there is to this segment.  No idea what the point of that was.

Time to talk about Taker vs. HHH and by that I mean show the HHH promo from Raw in its entirety.  You know, you could get A LOT more wrestling on the two shows not named Raw if you stopped airing five minutes worth of talking from Raw on them.  This would have been a far better promo if they hadn’t fought already at Wrestlemania in a good match.

Here comes Taker to the Johnny Cash song.  I’d really rather hear the organ music for him as it just fits better.  Cash is awesome but at the same time it just doesn’t seem right for someone like Taker.  Taker is actually kind of moving to get down to the ring.  I almost couldn’t finish marinating the turkey I cooked while he was coming down.  At least the song fits the character so that helps.

Taker talks about how surprising he finds it that the greatest of the great don’t know when to leave well enough alone.  There are some things that just can’t be done.  There are mountains that can’t be climbed, seas that can’t be crossed, and Streaks that can’t be broken.  He agrees with a lot of what HHH said as they’re the last of a dying breed and the last of an era.  Taker thinks that HHH is the greatest world champion over the last fifteen years.  That’s covering a lot of ground there Deadman.

HHH claims to have found the way to get rid of the Undertaker: beat him at Wrestlemania.  That’s easier said than done though.  If HHH can do it, he will be the Game and the King of Kings.  But if he loses, he will become nothing more than a number and a name on a list.  You mean like he already is?

Taker plays no game and bows down to no man, especially the king of kings.  At Wrestlemania, HHH will find out that Undertaker is the Last Outlaw.  That’s the new name I guess.  HHH will also find out what it means to Rest in Peace.  This was more like Mark Calloway playing Undertaker rather than Undertaker if that makes sense.

We see a clip from the Sin Cara/Mistico contract signing.  That’s another step for WWE in their international push.  Having lots of guys of different nationalities worked in the 60s and 70s so why not here?

Rosa Mendes/Beth Phoenix vs. Laycool

 

I guess the foot is ok.  During Laycool’s entrance Cole goes on a rant against journalism and the internet for overplaying the problems Laycool has been having.  Beth and Michelle start but it’s off to Rosa and Layla very quickly.  Booker mentions that Laycool is like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Last week I thought Michelle was starting to seem a lot like Hilton so maybe I was onto something.

Off to Beth vs. Layla now with Beth dominating her.  Beth completely destroys her of course and a powerslam gets two.  Michelle gets a big boot to the head of Beth for the pin at 2:20.  There’s a possibility that the boot is loaded.  I guess the Laycool problems are put of hold for a week which might be a good thing at the moment.  No rating as again this was short but the Smackdown Divas are so far ahead of the Raw Divas it’s unreal.

Big Show vs. Kane

 

Remember that Corre talked to Kane earlier tonight so they might get involved here.  They also show the clip from last week with Show running Corre off with a chair.  This is match #847 or so between these two.  Show backs him into the corner but gets drilled in the chin for his niceness.  K-Mart is sponsoring the live tours now.  K-Mart still exists?  There used to be like 4 here in Lexington and now there is one and no one goes there.  Double clothesline makes it seem like it’s time for a break but here comes Corre with a chair.  Barrett slides it to Kane and it’s a DQ at 1:16.

Kane cracks Show with it and Corre comes in for the beatdown.  Then Kane cracks Gabriel with it and runs off Corre with the chair.  Huh?

We hear Shawn’s thoughts on HHH vs. Taker where he still doesn’t really say anything.

 

Here’s Jack Swagger.  Basically this is to push Cole as Swagger’s student.  There’s a Team Cole now.  Better than Team Edward.  Cole says that on Monday we’re going to find out who the referee is.  The referee is awesome and one of the best of all time.  Also, the referee, Swagger, Cole and LeBron James think Cleveland stinks.

Jack Swagger vs. JTG

 

This starts after a break.  Cole goes on a huge rant, explaining how Swagger has been teaching him.  Swagger massacres JTG, hitting two Vader Bombs seconds in and the ankle lock ends this in 1:03.  I think Cole’s entire speech was one long sentence.

Since it’s been a full five minutes since we talked about Raw, here’s a recap of Rock’s promo on Raw.  This one is thankfully cut down.

Edge defaces a painting of Alberto and leaves it in the back.  Ok then.

Time for the contract signing with Teddy moderating things I guess.  I love that smirk on Alberto.  I’ve seen him live and you can tell he’s having a blast.  Why does Alberto keep paying Ricardo if he introduces himself a minute later?  Ricardo starts singing the Mexican national anthem but here’s Edge to save our ears.  Teddy wants to know if we can have a contract signing end peacefully.  Oh Teddy, you poor bad dancing stupid bald man.

The idiotic fans chant USA while the Canadian talks to the Mexican.  Maybe they’re cheering for Teddy?  Edge tells Alberto he doesn’t know what it’s like fighting on the biggest stage in the world.  Alberto says this is his destiny.  Edge says destiny can change and Alberto’s destiny may be to lose at Mania.  Intense stuff here from both guys.  Del Rio signs but it looked like just one word.  Edge signs too and I guess everything is ok.

Edge asks Teddy if he remembers asking if a contract signing can end peacefully.  He says he has an answer and Teddy sprints out of the ring.  Edge hammers away and clears the ring of all the Mexican stuff Del Rio had set up.  He sets for the spear but Ricardo grabs his feet and Del Rio hammers away.  Cross Armbreaker goes on and Edge kind of taps.  It’s let go quickly for no reason and Edge barely sells it on the mat. At least grab your arm dude.

Out to the floor and Edge’s nose is busted.  I’m surprised they didn’t blur it out.  Ricardo hands Del Rio a chair and it gets wrapped around the arm of Edge.  Christian runs out (in wrestling gear) for the save.  He beats Del Rio for a good while before security breaks it up to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. MUCH better than last week.  It’s not a great show but it’s a definite improvement as there was a lot more energy this time around.  Storylines were advanced and there were some new developments.  I still wish they’d cut out the Raw stuff but I guess it’s a Mania thing.  Also some additional wrestling would help.  Still though this was a solid show and entertaining throughout.  Good show this week.

Results

Edge b. Drew McIntyre – Edgecator

Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – Reverse DDT to Marella

Laycool b. Beth Phoenix/Rosa Mendes – Layla pinned Phoenix after a big boot from McCool

Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Kane used a chair

Jack Swagger b. JTG – Ankle Lock

In the main event I mean.  I’m sure he would have been going otherwise but you get the concept.

This is a great move for WWE as it gives them a new name in the main event.  That’s something they’ve been sorely lacking and this is a big step in the right direction for them indeed.