All Out 2023
Date: September 3, 2023
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Excalibur, Kevin Kelly

It’s the second pay per view in eight days and this week’s card isn’t exactly strong. In theory the main event is Orange Cassidy defending the International Title against Jon Moxley, which has been built up rather strong. Other than that, we have a pair of Ring Of Honor title matches so let’s get to it.

Here is Collision if you need a recap.

Zero Hour: Other The Budget Charity Battle Royal

Chuck Taylor, Trent Beretta, Dalton Castle, Matt Menard, Tony Nese, Kyle Fletcher, Mark Davis, Serpentico, Action Andretti, Darius Martin, Jake Hager, Daniel Garcia, Angelo Parker, Scorpio Sky, Bishop Kaun, Toa Leona, Brian Cage, Hangman Page, Shawn Spears, Komander

The winner gets to donate $50,000 to the charity of their choice. Before the match though, Nese gets in the ring and does his “you’re all fat and need group training” deal. He does some pushups as the bell rings and is promptly eliminated. The Mogul Embassy and Dalton Castle/The Boys get in a fight on the floor, only to have Komander hit his rope walk shooting star onto them all (none of them are eliminated).

Hager tosses Serpentico as Nigel says he’s never actually been in a battle royal. Garcia and Spears have a staredown with the TEN vs. dancing until the Aussies break it up. The Mogul Embassy gets together to dump Komander but the Boys save Castle from hitting the floor. The same Boys drop Parker for the elimination (Parker: “SERIOUSLY?”) but Cage clotheslines Castle out. There goes Martin before the Best Friends chokeslam Cage. Leona tosses Taylor though, only to have Page get rid of Kaun.

Menard and Hager are both out as the ring is rapidly clearing out. Page and Beretta double clothesline Davis out and Sky eliminates Garcia (the fans aren’t pleased). We’re down to six, with Page, Andretti and Beretta squaring off with Cage, Leona and Fletcher. Andretti is sent to the apron and tossed out but Beretta half and half suplexes Fletcher out. Cage eliminates Beretta and we’re down to Page vs. Cage and Leona. The Buckshot Lariat gets rid of Leona but Cage hits a quick neckbreaker. Not that it matters as Page comes right back and tosses him out for the win at 13:13.

Rating: C. This was the “get everyone on the show” deal and the charity thing was a pretty unique way to go. That being said, it’s another battle royal and I don’t know how AEW could possibly run them into the ground any farther. This is their second in three days and that’s a bit much for anyone. At least they didn’t go long and Page winning seemed to pop the crowd so it was hardly some terrible idea.

Zero Hour: Hikaru Shida/Willow Nightingale/Skye Blue vs. Athena/Mercedes Martinez/Diamante

Athena and company are quickly sent outside and start arguing, allowing Blue to hit a big dive. Back in and Shida’s middle rope dropkick hits Diamante but Blue comes in and gets dropped with a gutbuster. Diamante sends her face first into a boot in the corner but Blue slaps Athena in the face. That’s not enough for the diving tag as Athena plants her down for two instead.

The next attempt is enough to bring Shida back in to clean house. Everything breaks down and we get an exchange of strikes to the head. Martinez hits a German superplex on Blue but Nightingale crushes her. Athena hits the O Face but they head out to the floor. Nightingale Pounces Athena into the barricade and Martinez is whipped hard into it for a bonus. Back in and Code Blue finishes Martinez at 8:23.

Rating: C. The sooner they can get Athena into the AEW women’s division, the better. She’s dominated Ring Of Honor for so long and is completely ahead of everyone else around there. Let her come up to the bigger stage and show what she can do with the better talent. Other than that, this felt like a way to get a bunch of women on the show, though having Blue in the Chicago gear made perfect sense.

Zero Hour: Trios Titles: Jeff Jarrett/Satnam Singh/Jay Lethal vs. Acclaimed/Billy Gunn

Jarrett and company are challenging and get a very basketball themed entrance. On the other hand, the champs come out with Dennis Rodman as Caster calls the other team the 2023 Oddities. Hold on though as Gunn has his own referee, so here is Aubrey Edwards. Jarrett and company jump them to start but it’s a quick Scissor Me Timbers to Jeff. The Acclaimed do a pretty bad strut but Jeff gets in a running crotch attack on the ropes to Caster.

Lethal comes in to stomp Caster down in the corner until a suplex gives us a double knockdown. It’s off to Bowens to clean house and Gunn comes in to hammer away as well. That works until Singh is there for a chokeslam to Bowens. Sonjay Dutt offers a distraction but Aubrey Edwards catches Karen Jarrett bringing in the guitar. Aubrey kicks her to the floor as Gunn hits Singh low. Rodman adds a guitar shot to Singh and there’s a Fameasser to Lethal. The Arrival into the Mic Drop retains the titles at 5:56.

Rating: C. Rodman seemed a bit….we’ll go with “off” here and only did one thing. This is probably a match that could have been on Collision or Rampage instead but here it is making this show longer instead. I do like getting the Acclaimed and Gunn out there for a fun enough title match though and it didn’t last long, so this could have been a lot worse.

And now, the show proper.

Ring Of Honor Tag Team Titles: Dark Order vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman/Adam Cole

MJF and Cole are defending and we’re already in with the DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE chants. Silver slugs away at Cole to start but the threat of the double clothesline sends Silver out to the floor. Back in and MJF offers a handshake under the guise of sportsmanship, only to get in a cheap shot on Reynolds (the fans approve). The Kangaroo Kick is loaded up but he gets knocked down with a chair shot behind the referee’s back.

MJF’s neck is banged up and walks out (with help, rather than a neck brace), leaving Cole to fight on his own. Fans: “SINGLE CLOTHESLINE!” Cole is sent outside but cuts off a dive with a jumping enziguri. Back in and Silver kicks away at Cole, setting up a fisherman’s buster for two. Silver snaps off a German suplex for two before Cole is sent outside. Evil Uno gets in a cheap shot on the floor, setting up the jawbreaker into a German suplex for two on Cole.

There’s a double clothesline for two on Cole but he’s back with a kick in the corner to drop Reynolds. Cue the returning MJF to get the tag and clean house, including some right hands and a bite in the corner. Silver falls down and headbutts Silver low by mistake and Uno’s distraction is cut off by a superkick. The Double Clothesline retains the titles at 14:03.

Rating: B-. Honestly, what else were they supposed to do here? There was no reason to believe that the Dark Order was going to win, or really have much of a chance, without some kind of interference so the MJF handicap was all they had. It absolutely did not need to be on pay per view, but it had its entertaining moments.

MJF has to be helped out but here is Samoa Joe for his match. Joe shoves MJF on the way to the ring so MJF charges in for the brawl. Cole, instead of helping, calls out security as Joe grabs a front facelock (AHUH). Security finally gets in to break it up, as I’m trying to figure out where they came up with the inspiration for a shove and a front facelock until the fight was broken up.

Ring Of Honor TV Title: Shane Taylor vs. Samoa Joe

Joe is defending. Taylor slugs him into the corner to start but Joe knocks it out to the floor. Back in and Taylor grabs a powerslam for two but Joe slugs away again. With Taylor on the floor, Joe hits a suicide elbow, only to get clotheslined for two back inside. A hanging Stunner gets two on Joe and a middle rope splash gets the same. They forearm it out until Joe pulls him into the Koquina Clutch to retain at 6:23.

Rating: C. Well that happened. I’m rather glad that they spent time setting up Taylor as the challenger on ROH and then had this match get PPV time. Taylor never felt like a threat and then Joe just choked him out. Joe has held the title for almost a year and a half now and it’s time to find him a serious challenger. Or take the title off of him already.

We recap Luchasaurus vs. Darby Allin for the TNT Title. Christian Cage thinks it’s his and has been as gloriously delusional as ever.

TNT Title: Luchasaurus vs. Darby Allin

Allin is challenging and Christian Cage/Nick Wayne are the seconds. Allin charges right at him and they fight to the floor, with Luchasaurus sending Allin into the steps. Cage wants more violence so Luchasaurus puts the steps on Allin’s back and steps on them. Back in and a spinning side slam gives Luchasaurus two, followed by one heck of a headbutt. Allin manages a quick shot but a springboard crossbody bounces off of Luchasaurus for a crash.

Allin’s rib tape is pulled off and they head outside, where Luchasaurus gets posted. Luchasaurus is put in a chair for the top rope flip dive. Back in and Allin manages a crucifix bomb for two but Luchasaurus sends him flying. Allin fights up again and dives onto Cage, followed by a super Code Red for two. The Coffin Drop is loaded up but Cage blasts Wayne with a chair. That’s enough of a distraction for Luchasaurus to hit a pair of Tombstones and a clothesline to the back of the head to retain at 12:09.

Rating: B-. There is something about seeing Allin throw himself at a monster like a brick wall and it worked well here. I’m glad to see Luchasaurus retaining the title as it means more of Christian Cage’s delusions of grandeur. Good stuff here and it’s not like Allin is hurt by getting mauled by a monster.

Post match the villains grab a chair to load up the Concharito but a bunch of people, including Shawn Spears, make the save.

We recap Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Miro. They’re both big and strong so let’s hoss fight.

Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Miro

They start fast and it’s a brawl with the slugout going to Hobbs. A running clothesline drops Miro but he knocks Hobbs to the apron. Back in and a dropkick puts Hobbs down again but he pops up for an overhead belly to belly. Hobbs misses a splash in the corner though and there’s a running flip dive off the apron to put him down again. They head back inside and Hobbs drops him again, setting up a chinlock. Miro fights up and hits some running knees before kind of Hulking Up.

A bunch of clotheslines drop Hobbs but he blocks a suplex and goes up. That’s broken up as well and the Machka Kick connects, only to have Hobbs plant him for another two. They slug it out until Miro blocks him with a running clothesline. The Game Over is actually broken though and Hobbs grabs a spinebuster for two. Hobbs loads up his own Game Over but Miro fights out plants him down and grabs the real Game Over for the win at 15:15.

Rating: B+. Oh yeah that worked. This was the definition of a “what you see is what you get” match as two monsters beat the fire out of each other for fifteen minutes until one of them won. There is something to be said about this kind of a hoss fight and my goodness it was a lot of fun. Now just find something for both of them to do already.

Post match Hobbs turns down a handshake and jumps Miro….and here is CJ Perry (formerly Lana, Miro’s wife) to chair Hobbs in the back. The distraction lets Miro make the save but he walks away from Perry (who he says isn’t real), who looks confused.

We recap Kris Statlander vs. Ruby Soho. Statlander can’t beat her, but this time it’s for Statlander’s TBS Title.

TBS Title: Kris Statlander vs. Ruby Soho

Soho, with Saraya, is challenging and gets run over with a shoulder to start. That’s enough to take the fight outside, where Soho sends her face first into the barricade. Saraya gets in a cheap shot to give Soho two and she chokes away in the corner. Statlander hits a clothesline but gets kicked back down for two more. They strike it out for a double knockdown before Statlander unloads in the corner. A running knee rocks Soho but she grabs a belly to back suplex.

Back up and Statlander can’t get Sunday Night Fever as Soho rolls her up for two instead. Soho snaps off a hurricanrana into a DDT into a basement hurricanrana for two more. The Blue Thunder Bomb gives Statlander two but Soho pulls her off the ropes into No Future. Destination Unknown gets two so it’s spray paint time. Cue Toni Storm from under the ring to take it away though, allowing Statlander to hit Sunday Night Fever to retain at 12:12.

Rating: B. It’s amazing what happens when the women are given more time and don’t have a commercial right in the middle. Throw in the lack of spray paint in an Outcasts match and it was that much better. Statlander getting another win is a good thing to see, and now the Outcasts even seem to be imploding to make things that much better. Heck of a match here.

We recap Bryan Danielson vs. Ricky Starks. Ricky Steamboat wanted revenge for Starks whipping him, so he got Starks to agree to a match with the Dragon. By that he meant the American Dragon, as Danielson made a surprise return.

Bryan Danielson vs. Ricky Starks

No DQ strap match with Ricky Steamboat on commentary. Hold on though as Starks jumps him before putting the strap around his wrist and Danielson is beaten down. Danielson is busted open but let’s ring the bell anyway, with Starks going outside to hammer away. Since he’s one of the most professional wrestlers ever, Steamboat is there to explain that Danielson might be a bit out of ring shape despite being in great physical condition.

The whipping continues around the ring but Danielson is back with a headbutt. Starks backdrops him to the apron though and one heck of a strap shot has the blood flying. Back in and Starks gets crotched on top and the whipping is on, with Steamboat being rather pleased. Three dropkicks in the Tree of Woe rock Starks again but Starks gets in a whip of his own. Starks spends too long yelling at Steamboat though and Danielson pulls him into the ring.

More whipping ensues on the bloody Starks but he’s back with a long string of whips back inside. That just fires Danielson up as he shouts about Starks taking a beating. The YES Kicks knock Starks silly but cue Big Bill to jump Danielson. Steamboat pulls Bill off and chops away but gets shoved down. Danielson dives onto both villains, only to have Starks hit a spear for two. The running knee drops Starks again and Danielson kicks him into the LeBell Lock, with strap around the neck, for the knockout win at 16:36.

Rating: B+. There are times when the match needs to be straight up violent and that is what we got here. It was bloody and carnage, with Danielson looking like a monster at the end. Starks needs a win, but it’s ok to have him lose in a crazy brutal match like this one. In addition, Steamboat, who has barely been in wrestling in years, was better than most commentators and even looked decent with those chops. Heck of a match here.

Hangman Page is donating his winnings to the Chicago Public Education Fund.

Eddie Kingston/Katsuyori Shibata vs. Claudio Castagnoli/Wheeler Yuta

Shibata takes Yuta down to start and goes for the arm, sending Yuta over to the rope. Castagnoli comes in to lock up with Shibata before it’s off to Kingston. The fight heads outside with Yuta hitting a suicide dive and Castagnoli driving Kingston into the barricade. Back in and Yuta cranks on both arms at once but Kingston fights up with an STO.

Shibata comes in and strikes away in the corner but Castagnoli drops him again. A Fastball Special (Rocket Launcher) gives Yuta two but Shibata strikes his way out of trouble. An Indian Deathlock to Yuta and an ankle lock to Castagnoli at the same time has to be broken up. Everything breaks down and Shibata kicks Yuta into a Saito suplex to give Kingston two.

Kingston and Castagnoli strike it out until the Neutralizer gives Castagnoli two more. The Riccola Bomb is escaped and Kingston hits a spinning backfist. The northern lights bomb gets two and Shibata chokes Yuta out. Then Castagnoli hits an uppercut to finish Kingston at 15:26.

Rating: C+. That ending is bizarre to say the least and I’m not sure where they’re going now. Castagnoli has beaten Kingston at least twice this year and that doesn’t bode well for Kingston’s title prospects. There is a strong chance he wins the title at Final Battle, but my goodness it’s not easy to bring myself to care about a title match another three months from now.

We recap Kenny Omega vs. Konosuke Takeshita. Don Callis needs someone else to throw at Omega so here we go.

Kenny Omega vs. Konosuke Takeshita

Don Callis is here with Takeshita. Omega gets struck down to start until Takeshita DROPS HIM ON HIS HEAD with a belly to back suplex. Omega is fine enough to hit a Regal roll on the floor into a moonsault off the barricade. Back in and Omega ties up the legs but Takeshita fights out.

They go to the floor where Takeshita hits a brainbuster, meaning it’s time to load up some chairs. A slingshot dive onto the chairs onto Omega gets two, followed by a Helluva Kick into a Blue Thunder Bomb for the same. Omega fights up with the ax handles to the chest and a missed running knee sends Takeshita outside.

That means the big running flip dive to Takeshita on the floor, followed by a missile dropkick to the back of the head inside. Some snapdragons and the poisonrana give Omega two but Takeshita hits one heck of a lariat for the same. Takeshita reverses something into a kneeling Tombstone for two and they trade more strikes.

A super One Winged Angel is blocked and Takeshita hits a super Blue Thunder Bomb for a rather near fall instead. Omega hits a V Trigger but Takeshita finds the screwdriver. That’s taken away, so Takeshita hits a running knee for two. Another running knee finishes Omega at 22:29.

Rating: A-. This was a heck of a fight with Omega putting Takeshita over in the big match, as he should. Takeshita has been the guy who could be something if he got a big win for a long time and that has now been solved. There is bound to be a rematch and Omega can get his win back there as he gets closer to revenge on Callis. This helped make Takeshita though and that is what he has been needing for a long time now.

Bullet Club Gold vs. FTR/Young Bucks

Wheeler starts in on Austin’s arm before handing it off to the Bucks (THERE is the reaction from the fans we’ve been waiting on) and they take turns on said arm. White comes in to hammer on Harwood, who fires back with some chops. It’s off to Wheeler for a change and Robinson gets to take out his knee.

Some snap jabs have Wheeler in more trouble but he fights back up and hands it off to Harwood. The Club takes him into the wrong corner for the alternating beating though and Robinson is back with the chinlock. A belly to back suplex breaks it up but Harwood gets pulled outside for a drop onto the apron. Back in and another chinlock is broken up, allowing the tag off to Nick.

The springboard wristdrag/headscissors takes down Robinson and Colten and everything breaks down. The threat of a triple superkick sends White into the slingshot X Factor from Matt. Austin is superplex into a top rope headbutt into a top rope elbow into a 450 for two, with Colten making the save. The Shatter Machine hits Robinson and superkicks abound, setting up a BTE Trigger from Harwood and Matt for two on Jay. Then White hits a Blade Runner on Wheeler to give Austin the pin at 21:39.

Rating: B. This was a wild match and they hit a bunch of stuff throughout. I’m not big on the idea of FTR/the Bucks being some new wonder team but there’s a good chance that is just a one off. If this leads to the Club getting another Tag Team Title shot on the big stage, it’s all for the better though, as they have some incredible chemistry with FTR every time they’re out there together.

We recap Orange Cassidy defending the International Title against Jon Moxley. Cassidy has been on a record reign with the title but Moxley is by far his biggest challenger.

International Title: Orange Cassidy vs. Jon Moxley

Cassidy is defending and gets blasted in the head to start. The dropkick gives Cassidy a breather but Moxley suplexes him down hard. The flipping Stunner is countered into a suplex toss and Cassidy crashes again. They go outside with Moxley posting him to draw the first blood. Moxley sends him over the announcers’ table and bites at the head, prompting a lot of yelling from the referee.

Back in and a piledriver gets two on Cassidy, meaning it’s time to bite at the cut again. The referee even asks if Cassidy can still go and yes of course he can. Cassidy is back with some DDTs but the Beach Break is blocked. Instead Cassidy hits a PK into the Orange Punch for two but Moxley pulls him into a choke. The armbreaker is reversed so Moxley pulls him into the LeBell Lock this time.

With that broken up, they head outside with Moxley peeling back the floor mats. Cassidy reverses into a Beach Break and they barely beat the count back inside. Back in and Cassidy hits the Orange Punch and a spear of all things gets two. Cassidy goes with the lazy kicks but turns them into much harder kicks, only for the King Kong Lariat to drop him. Cassidy pops back up so it’s another King Kong Lariat into the Death Rider for a very close two. Then Moxley hits another Death Rider to win the title at 19:43.

Rating: B. It was a violent match and felt like Cassidy’s biggest ever, but man alive that result is going to have some people arguing. Cassidy’s reign was mainly against lower level stars and he loses in his first match against a main eventer? That doesn’t so much make me think he’s been elevated to the next level as much as it confirms the status he was in for a long time. Good match and it was time for someone new, but I’m not sure how much Moxley needed this.

Cassidy gets the standing ovation to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was another strong show, though I’m not sure how much a lot if will change the bigger stories going forward. Instead, this show was about having a string of strong matches and there were enough here to carry things on. The only weak stuff was either on Zero Hour or the ROH TV Title match (and maybe the Kingston/Castagnoli tag). It could have gone with being about 30-40 minutes shorter, but you won’t be disappointed with watching the whole thing. The big matches more than delivered though and that’s enough to make this work.

Results
Hangman Page won the Other The Budget battle royal last eliminating Brian Cage
Hikaru Shida/Willow Nightingale/Skye Blue b. Athena/Mercedes Martinez/Diamante – Code Blue to Martinez
Acclaimed/Billy Gunn b. Jeff Jarrett/Satnam Singh/Jay Lethal – Mic Drop to Lethal
Adam Cole/Maxwell Jacob Friedman b. Dark Order – Double Clothesline to Reynolds
Samoa Joe b. Shane Taylor – Koquina Clutch
Luchasaurus b. Darby Allin – Clothesline to the back of the head
Miro b. Powerhouse Hobbs – Game Over
Kris Statlander b. Ruby Soho – Sunday Night Fever
Bryan Danielson b. Ricky Starks via referee stoppage
Claudio Castagnoli/Wheeler Yuta b. Katsuyori Shibata/Eddie Kingston – Uppercut to Kingston
Konosuke Takeshita b. Kenny Omega – Running knee
Bullet Club Gold b. FTR/Young Bucks – Blade Runner to Wheeler
Jon Moxley b. Orange Cassidy – Death Rider

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Collision
Date: September 2, 2023
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Excalibur, Tony Schiavone

And then CM Punk got fired. That is going to be the absolute game changer that shakes up everything about this company for a good while to come, with the next two shows being in Chicago to crank up the awkwardness. I have no idea what AEW has up their sleeves to get them through what could be a rather horrible crowd reaction but let’s get to it.

Here is Dynamite if you need a recap.

Tony Khan welcomes us to the show and announces that CM Punk has been fired. The incident endangered people, including Khan, who was fearing for his life. That is nothing anyone should have to deal with at work so Punk is gone. Anyway,, on with the awesome shows.

We get a recap of All In.

Opening sequence.

Tony Schiavone is in the ring to start and you can hear some CM Punk changes. Anyway, Tony brings in Ricky Starks, with Big Bill, to challenge Ricky Steamboat. Schiavone: “Ricky, you have issued a challenge to Ricky Steamboat, a 70 year old man. Are you out of your freaking mind?” Starks talks about how he’s tired of having to start over again and again, but every time he shows up and out.

No matter how many times people try to suck the life out of him, it doesn’t work. Starks talks about how awesome Bill is for everything he’s done, including overcoming addiction. He’s so angry that he wants to cry but he’ll do what he needs to do. Starks sat at home and watched All In because he whipped Steamboat, so now he wants a strap match at All Out.

Steamboat comes out and says he hasn’t complained once about getting whipped by Starks. The Dragon doesn’t complain but he has a contract ready for an old school fight. The contract actually says “Ricky Starks vs. The Dragon” so Starks signs, and Steamboat gets to the obvious point: he meant THIS Dragon, so cue the returning Bryan Danielson (the American Dragon). He signs as well and we’ve got a match, with Starks being livid.

Jon Moxley is going to be the man who solves the Orange Cassidy puzzle. If Cassidy is a cosplay wrestler, who is he pretending to be? I believe that would be Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer actually. Anyway, Moxley thinks Cassidy is the real thing, and we’ll find out on Sunday. A lot of people believe in him, so don’t let people down. They’re making this feel like a serious match and that’s a good thing. If Cassidy is treated like a joke, why would it matter if Cassidy beat him?

Trios Titles: Daniel Garcia/Matt Menard/Angel Parker vs. Acclaimed/Billy Gunn

Acclaimed and Gunn are defending. Bowens punches Parker down to start so it’s off to Garcia vs. Gunn. Garcia gets in a few shots and dances a bit before telling Gunn to suck it. Gunn knocks him down with Parker landing on his knees in front of him (gyrations ensue). Everything breaks down and Garcia gets elbowed, only to get caught with a double hot shot. The piledriver into a double implant DDT into the Dragontamer has Bowens in trouble but he makes the rope (because a piledriver into a double implant DDT leaves him wide awake).

We take a break and come back with Bowens diving over for the tag to Caster to clean house. Garcia takes Caster down but Menard tags himself in, allowing Caster to hit a running clothesline. Gunn comes in but gets distracted by Jake Hager. That doesn’t last long as it’s a Fameasser to Menard. The Arrival into the Mic Drop retains the titles at 8:30.

Rating: C+. This was a perfectly fine match and that’s how you keep the Acclaimed hot: give them a match where they have to work a bit before finishing with the usual. No it won’t last forever (or that long really because there isn’t exactly a division) but it’s a crowd friendly act that has worked every time they’re out there. Go with what works.

Dark Order is ready to win the Ring Of Honor Tag Team Titles.

Ricky Starks is ready for Bryan Danielson at All Out because he’ll knock it out of the park like everything else.

Aussie Open vs. Nick Wayne/Komander

Wayne hits a running hurricanrana to Fletcher to start and then flips up but the Aussies are right back to take over. The Aussie Arrow gets two on Komander as we take a break. Back with Wayne cleaning house, including a frog splash to Fletcher. A half nelson suplex plants Wayne and one heck of a piledriver drops Komander. Wayne kicks his way out of trouble but a double Wayne’s World is countered into Coriolis for the pin at 8:00.

Rating: C. I’m trying to get my mind around a piledriver actually knocking someone silly enough to put them down for the rest of the match. This was a way to get the Aussies some of their heat back and there is nothing wrong with that. Wayne continues to be someone who can do all of the athletic stuff but there is nothing to make me care about him. He has no character or anything outside of athleticism and that isn’t going to get him very far.

Post match Wayne talks about how he’s upset with Darby Allin over forgiving AR Fox. Cue Allin, to say he burned a bridge with Wayne’s father and they didn’t make up before he died. He didn’t want something similar to happen to Fox, so now he wants Wayne to do the same. Allin is challenging or the TNT Title on Sunday and wants Wayne in his corner.

Cue Christian Cage (Nigel: “It’s the father of the year!”) and Luchasaurus, with the former saying it was mean of him to ask about Wayne’s father without asking for his mom’s name. Maybe he should slide into her DM’s and try to change that. Christian talks about how we’re in the United Center, and these people know how to smell a loser from a mile away. Wayne should bring a towel with him because it’s going to be destruction at All Out. Then I…er, we will still be TNT Champion. Christian is on another level right now and he knows it.

Claudio Castagnoli beats up Wheeler Yuta as he talks about how Yuta keeps getting up. He thought Eddie Kingston had changed, but apparently not.

Kingston laughs it off and says Katsuyori Shibata has some words for the Blackpool Combat Club. Shibata, through Google Translate, thinks they suck. Ok that was clever.

Saraya doesn’t want to hear about problems with the Outcasts but now she’s stuck in Chicago. She’s ready to see Ruby Soho win the TBS Title and Soho seems rather confident she will do so.

Tony Schiavone brings out Dennis Rodman for a chat. Before he can say anything, Jeff Jarrett and company come to the ring, with Jeff talking about how similar Rodman is to his team (both Rodman and Karen Jarrett look great in dresses). Rodman is offered a spot on their team but shoves down Satnam Singh. Cue Billy Gunn and the Acclaimed and we get a Trios Titles match for All Out, with Rodman in the champs’ corner.

Shane Taylor is ready to win the ROH TV Title.

Samoa Joe doesn’t think so, and is ready to take Taylor out.

Britt Baker/Hikaru Shida/Kris Statlander vs. Outcasts

Statlander and Soho start things off but Storm comes in instead. A slam drops Storm but she slips out of a second one and stomps Statlander down in the corner. Statlander is right back up with the tag to Baker though and a Sling Blade puts Storm down. Shida comes in for a knee to Soho’s ribs and we take a break. Back with Statlander powerbombing Saraya for two and then kicking her in the head. Statlander powerslams Saraya but Storm hits Saraya by mistake on the save attempt. Everything breaks down and Saraya spray paints Baker, allowing No Future to give Soho the pin at 8:11.

Rating: C. This was your weekly “here are the women in a match with a break in the middle and the Outcasts use spray paint to win” match. The women’s division has fallen a pretty long way since its peak and this was a good example of how uninteresting things are at the moment. The Outcasts feel so repetitive most weeks and that was on display here, but odds are they aren’t changing anytime soon.

MJF isn’t here so Adam Cole reads off some insults to Dark Order that MJF sent him. Well most of them as one is too disgusting to read.

Kris Statlander knows the Outcasts are going to use the spray paint tomorrow. The Outcasts come in and yelling ensues.

Powerhouse Hobbs vs. GPA

Spinebuster finishes in 7 seconds.

Post match Miro comes out for the brawl.

All Out rundown, including a battle royal on Zero Hour.

Video on Kenny Omega vs. Konosuke Takeshita.

Orange Cassidy does not want to be talking right now because he wants to fight. He’s proven himself over and over again and he’ll do it at All Out. Then he’ll take the weight off of Jon Moxley’s shoulders and put it on his. He still has no catchphrase.

Jay White vs. Dax Harwood

Bullet Club Gold and Cash Wheeler are here too. White gets backed to the floor to start but he comes back in for a chop, only to head back outside. Harwood scares him out to the floor again and we take a break. Back with Harwood being sent outside where everyone else teases a big fight. A DDT gives White two but Harwood catches him on top with a superplex. The top rope headbutt misses though and White gets two as we take a break.

Back again with Harwood hitting a brainbuster for two and knocking White outside. They go over the barricade for more chops but White snaps the leg over the ropes on the way back in. White gets two off a Death Valley Driver and Harwood gets the same off a piledriver. Back up and White sends him shoulder first into the post, setting up the swinging Rock Bottom for two.

Harwood is fine enough to hit a slingshot powerbomb for two but the Sharpshooter sends White to the ropes. Harwood follows him outside and gets caught with the Blade Runner. Back in and another Blade Runner finishes for White at 20:09. Nigel: “WHAT A MOMENT!” A career singles wrestler and former World Champion pins a mostly career tag wrestler?

Rating: B-. The action was good, but this was a match that felt like it went long for the sake of going long. Harwood can wrestle a match like that and White is rather good, but it’s still a bit hard to buy that it took White twenty minutes to win here. These two are some of the main stars of Collision but that doesn’t mean they need to be out there that long if it doesn’t make sense.

Post match the beatdown is on but the Young Bucks run in for the save.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a weird show as the wrestling was the least interesting part almost throughout. They had the Punk drama hanging over them and managed to avoid a lot of drama from it, but other than that, the show was mainly focused on All Out. That show needs the help, but I’m not sure it got enough of it here.

All Out does not feel important and there isn’t much of a way to hide that. AEW needs a bit of a breather from big shows, and with Grand Slam and WrestleDream both less than a month away, we won’t be seeing that anytime soon. Instead, I could see the weekly shows running out of steam more and more, which isn’t going to bode well for the next few weeks.

Results
Acclaimed/Billy Gunn b. Matt Menard/Angelo Parker/Daniel Garcia – Mic Drop to Menard
Aussie Open b. Nick Wayne/Komander – Coriolis to Wayne
Outcasts b. Britt Baker/Hikaru Shida/Kris Statlander – No Future to Soho
Powerhouse Hobbs b. GPA – Spinebuster
Jay White b. Dax Harwood – Blade Runner

 

 

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Road Wild 1999
Date: August 14, 1999
Location: Sturgis, South Dakota
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Back to Eric Bischoff’s big idea so he could ride motorcycles around the Black Hills. The main event here is Kevin Nash vs. Hulk Hogan in a title/career vs. career match, which still doesn’t sound fair to Hogan. After sitting through the disaster that was Thunder though, I really don’t care about what is fair in WCW. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap of course focuses on Nash vs. Hogan. In case the five or six videos on Thunder weren’t enough for you of course. Actually, the more I think about it, one of these guys leaving means we might get someone new in the main event. FREAKING SWEET MAN!

Tony talks about this history of Road Wild. As in the show that debuted back in 1996 (1997 if you consider Hog Wild its own show). Just printing his quotes are better than almost any jokes I could come up with.

Here’s the first show of any WCW employees: Tenay in a jean jacket and sunglasses, Tony in a darker jean jacket, sunglasses and a backwards hat, and Heenan (looking mostly normal) in a black shirt and hat. My goodness this stuff never gets easier to sit through. They hype up the main event and other big options to eat up time.

We recap the Dead Pool vs. the yet to be named Filthy Animals which I don’t think has an actual story. They just started fighting one day and led up to this match. Tony says the fighting took place on the WCW Network. Good grief you mean they thought of it first???

Dead Pool vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

I do like the road design for the entrance ramp and the whole atmosphere is always really cool. It’s Vampiro and the Insane Clown Posse (Violent J. and Shaggy 2 Dope) with Raven in their corner here. It’s a big brawl to start with the Clowns thankfully being knocked to the floor so Vampiro can handle the wrestling. Kidman hits an early Sky High, followed by a slingshot hilo from Eddie. They head outside for a few seconds and we see that the ring is up on a mini platform like in previous years.

Vampiro nails a nice spinwheel kick to drop Eddie as Tony points out that the Clowns aren’t really wrestlers. Granted I question how much they’re actually singers or musicians either but that’s a discussion for another time. We now get to the real point of the match as Tenay says Vampiro might be touring with the Clowns in the future. J. comes in to imitate whatever moves he saw watching wrestling as a kid, including a clothesline and a jawbreaker.

Tenay brings up the fans that have been stuck in the airport for all eternity, stalking wrestling personalities and asking them about whatever main event is coming up. Vampiro comes back in but Eddie climbs the ropes into a hurricanrana, only to have J. make the save. A Rock Bottom gets two on Eddie and the Clowns hit a double suplex. Amazingly enough, one of the most talented wrestlers of all time doesn’t have much of a problem beating up a clown named after a Scooby Doo character. He drops Shaggy with a superplex and the hot tag brings in Mysterio.

Raven actually does something (when was the last time he even had a match?) by tripping Mysterio to the floor so Vampiro can hit the Nail in the Coffin on the floor. J. comes back in and I keep getting distracted by the steak sandwich stand opposite the hard camera. Things slow back down again as Tenay brags about the Clowns being able to hit legdrops in the wrestling ring they’ve set up in their backyards. The moral of the story: don’t backyard wrestle unless you can get WCW mainstream coverage.

Shaggy powerslams Rey (Tony: “Great execution. As good as you’ll get!” The British Bulldog is rolling over in his grave.) and drops him with a clothesline for no cover. Rey raises a boot in the corner and hits a split legged moonsault, allowing the hot tag to Kidman. Everything breaks down and Kidman is left alone with Shaggy. Apparently he’s more of a Yogi Bear fan as he drops the Shooting Star for the pin to thankfully get us to a match full of actual wrestlers.

Rating: D+. The thing is, the match isn’t even all that bad. The problem here though is how many notches Mysterio, Guerrero and Kidman have to crank it down so the Clowns aren’t overwhelmed. Those three are some of the best wrestlers WCW ever had but they’re stuck in the opening match against some musicians because WCW would rather make a quick splash off having the Clowns in a boring match than put on a product that could actually compete against WWF, which Mysterio, Guerrero and Kidman tearing the house down for these twelve minutes could have been a big part of.

The Clowns aren’t even horrible in the ring, but they’re very, very limited. They can do basic stuff like clotheslines and suplexes, but so can every single wrestler on the roster. Instead of Mysterio defending the title (which he hasn’t done on a major show since May from what I can find) or Eddie actually wrapping up that stolen wallet story, we’re stuck watching these guys do stuff they taught themselves so they can have a thrill. That’s what we get for our $30?

We recap Harlem Heat vs. the Triad for the Tag Team Titles. Booker was getting beaten up by the Triad but Stevie came out to help him. He wanted to reform the team, but Booker said take off the NWO colors. Stevie said okey dokey and that’s about all it took.

Tag Team Titles: Jersey Triad vs. Harlem Heat

The Triad is defending but it’s only Kanyon and Bigelow at ringside because Flair can’t let them have all three members around anymore. Kanyon says most of the bikers here likely don’t have cable, so he explains the usual question, only to be drowned out by the engines revving. Booker is in black and white after making a big deal out of Stevie not wearing the black and white. I smell a secret alliance and feel the need to tune into Nitro to find out more.

The champs jump them to start but are quickly knocked to the floor. Only WCW would put Bam Bam Bigelow, a former biker covered in tattoos, in front of a biker rally as a heel. Tony isn’t sure if Harlem Heat will have continuity after only wrestling a few matches in the last year. You mean like Bigelow and Kanyon? Stevie tries to get the crowd going but Kanyon sends him into the corner and drives in some shoulders to the ribs. Ray pops back up and throws both champions out to the floor and things slow down again. Heenan: “I remember one time I picked up the Beast From the East. Her name was Monica.”

Back in and Booker comes in to stomp Kanyon in the corner but gets dropped to the mat and choked. Tony and Bobby actually agree that Charles Robinson was a fair referee most of the time. Tenay: “…..what?” This commentary is extra golden tonight. Back to Stevie who tells the fans to rev their engines, which for some reason keeps Bigelow from going after Stevie when his back is turned. Shoulder blocks have no effect on either guy so Ray runs him over with a clothesline.

Kanyon gets in a knee from the apron and comes in to mock the bikers a bit. Heenan turns into a manager and starts coaching Kanyon on how to choke. It’s back to Bigelow for a corner splash and a chinlock so he can whisper some sweet spots into Ray’s ear. Back to Kanyon who tries to put Stevie down so Bigelow can go up top, only to have Kanyon catapult him into Bam Bam for a breather. The hot tag brings in Booker to fire off his kicks but Bigelow low bridges him to the floor. Oddly the fans have gone far more silent since Booker came in.

Kanyon nails his middle rope Fameasser for two as we’ve slowed down again. He loads up the same move but this time Booker powerbombs him for a nice counter. I love when wrestlers learn during the match. Stevie comes in again to hammer away but Page runs out, only to get knocked down by Bigelow, setting up Booker’s missile dropkick for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C+. It’s a very good sign that Benoit and Booker T. have picked up a title each in the last five days. Going back to Harlem Heat was a step backwards, but I’m very glad to see the younger guys getting something out of all this. The match was pretty good too with a basic tag team formula that has worked for years and will continue working for years to come. It also keeps up the idea that once the villains lose their backer and have to fight fair, the good guys win. In other words, Wrestling 101 works even in WCW.

We recap the Revolution vs. the Rednecks. For some reason this is treated as more about Hennig vs. Saturn than anything else. There isn’t much of a story here other than they needed something for these teams to do and threw them into this match. Oh and CHAD BROCK!!!

Revolution vs. West Texas Rednecks

It’s Douglas/Malenko/Saturn vs. Hennig/Windham/Duncum with the rednecks billed as the villains as WCW still doesn’t get their audience (nor do they get their money but at least Bischoff got to ride a motorcycle!). Saturn says they don’t care about the cowboys or Chad Brock (heresy!) so just pick who gets beaten up first. It’s a brawl to start again with the Revolution cleaning house. We settle down to Malenko vs. Barry Windham, who can’t make the t-shirt over trunks look work.

Dean takes over to start and brings in Saturn for a back elbow as Tenay goes into Professor mode, talking about how the Rednecks all have fathers who wrestled. That’s the kind of guy wrestling needs again (and not Matt “let me beat you over the head with my knowledge and names of moves that no one uses” Striker) and I’m sure there’s someone out there. Douglas comes in with a nice powerslam on Duncum as the Revolution keeps the wrestling strong. Heenan tells a story about having an 115 degree temperature but coming back just two years later. Wrestling could use a commentator like him too, but I don’t think one exists.

Saturn suplexes Windham down and hammers away but Kendall nails Saturn from the floor to change control. Good old fashioned cheating never hurt anyone. Well Saturn maybe but that’s beside the point. Off to Hennig for the necksnap as a truck drives along the road behind the ring. You can’t say this show looks the same as the rest of them. Hennig lets Saturn tag and house is cleaned for a bit before it’s off to Douglas.

The Rednecks come in to break up a Pittsburgh Plunge attempt and “whoever it was” (Tenay’s words) trips him to the floor and Shane gets beaten down on the floor. Things settle down to Windham suplexing Douglas for two. The Rednecks get us into a regular tag team formula with Kendall getting in his shots from the floor. Since we’re getting into a good wrestling match, it’s time to talk about Savage vs. Rodman. Duncum suplexes Douglas for two and we hit the chinlock.

Back to Windham for a DDT and the slowest two count I’ve seen in years. If a heel was getting counted, the announcers would suggest the referee was crooked. Shane stops Duncum with a boot in the corner and Saturn gets the hot tag. Everything breaks down and Dean puts Hennig in the Cloverleaf, only to have Kendall break it up with the cowbell. Saturn nails Duncum with the Death Valley Driver for the pin.

Rating: C. Well at least the right team won. They actually had me thinking that the Rednecks were going to win there just to tick the fans off even more. The Revolution finally has some momentum, but unfortunately it’s momentum against midcard acts instead of against the main event guys. I guess that boxing match against Piper was the extent of the youth movement’s main event push, because we need room for the main events we’re getting.

Speaking of what we’re getting, this was the third straight match that could have been on any given Nitro but instead they’re all on this show. The Tag Team Title change meant something, but so far nothing has happened to really give the fans a real thrill. Nothing so far has felt like a big moment and we’re about an hour into the show. That’s not a good sign given what’s coming.

We recap Bagwell vs. Cat. Miller said he could dance like no one else, Bagwell dressed up in black face and stole Cat’s shoes, Miller beat him up a few times, let’s have a match.

Buff Bagwell vs. The Cat

Speaking of matches that have no business on pay per view. Tenay says Bagwell is one big match away from winning championship gold. If you throw in a far better offense I can’t say I disagree, but he’s stuck in this mess of a feud. Sonny is in a biker vest with no shirt underneath for a disturbing look. They still can’t start the match because both guys have to try to talk with Cat cutting off Bagwell every time and the bikers cutting Cat off. Bagwell: “Cat, you’re not a crowd favorite if you know what I mean.” Unless he’s being completely literal, no I don’t know what you mean.

We finally get going with Cat hiptossing Bagwell and dancing a bit. The idea works so well that he does it again but with a slam this time. We’re two minutes into the match now as a PUSSY CAT chant starts up. Buff comes back with a hiptoss and slams of his own, sending Cat to the floor so Buff can dance. Back in again and Miller spends almost a minute teasing a handshake as this match is dying in front of our eyes. He finally gets in a cheap shot on Bagwell and chokes in the corner, only to take two dropkick. Of course, it’s time to dance!

Cat hits him low (what took them so long?) and superkicks Bagwell down but the referee yells at Miller, allowing Sonny to get in some lame choking. They repeat the same sequence before Miller slaps on a chinlock. Bagwell reverses a suplex into one of his own and both guys are down. Back up and a cross body gets two on Cat so Sonny gets on the apron. To complete the disaster, Cat is rammed into Sonny’s briefcase and one of the worst rollups I’ve seen in years (I’ve had to say that too often in this review) gives Bagwell the pin.

Rating: F-. Where do I even start? How about Buff can’t even beat ERNEST MILLER with his finisher??? Last time he beat Piper with a pin in a boxing match and now he beats Miller with a rollup without the shoulder even being on the mat. The match was horrible as it was borderline comedy with all the dancing and repeated spots, mainly focused on choking. This was a disaster and something that should have been buried on Thunder instead of something that was supposed to make me care about Bagwell. How does beating up a goofy dancer who can’t do anything but choke and kick make Buff look like a star? Awful mess.

Miller and Onoo lay Bagwell out post match while Buff’s music is playing. They REALLY had to do this?

We recap Benoit vs. Page. This is part of the Revolution vs. Triad/establishment feud with Benoit wanting to prove that he could hang with a former World Champion like Page. Benoit finally got his chance to win a singles title by beating David Flair for the US Title in a fair fight and now Page wants to beat him to regain his confidence.

US T….

Oh I’m sorry I had the wrong notes. That’s the feud that should have happened. Instead Page made a bunch of Your Mama jokes about Benoit to tick him off, then Benoit won the US Title and this was made a No DQ title match at the last second.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Benoit is defending and this is No DQ. Before the match, Page says Benoit loves his mother, just like anyone else can for $2.99 a minute. Tony says this is the scene of one of Page’s best matches: last year when he teamed with Jay Leno. First the Miller match and now those memories brought up? They slug it out to start and Benoit punches out of a helicopter bomb, knocking Page out to the floor.

Back in (and thankfully away from a shirtless guy that makes Ralphus look trim) with Page getting two off a suplex. We’re already in a reverse chinlock as Page starts in on the ribs. A fireman’s carry into a faceplant drops Benoit for a delayed two and Page drives knees into the ribs. We hear Page’s career history, which really is quite the story. Page plants him with an Anderson spinebuster for two but stops to yell at the referee.

Things slow down as Page walks around the ring before a side slam gets two. I can live with him walking around like that because, unlike Miller, Page has actually shown us more than entry level offense and it fits his character to be a cocky jerk. That’s the kind of stuff that separates guys from nothing like Cat to stars like Page. Benoit gets a breather off a jawbreaker and goes up, only to get caught in the Tree of Woe.

Page takes the referee’s belt away and tries to whip Benoit but Little Naitch actually stands up to him. Granted it doesn’t work as Page wraps the belt around Benoit’s throat (Heenan: “WALK THAT DOG!”) before doing the same with Benoit over his shoulder. Very cool yet disturbing visual actually. Benoit escapes and starts rolling the Germans for two but Kanyon breaks up the Swan Dive.

The Revolution is shown watching on the monitors as Benoit throws Page into Kanyon for two. Page suplexes him down and Bigelow adds a top rope headbutt for another near fall as Benoit just won’t quit. He knocks all three members together for a pair of falling low blows (ala Sting), setting up the Swan Dive to Page to retain the title, no thanks to the Revolution.

Rating: B-. I’d be stunned if this isn’t match of the night. I really liked the story here with Page being all cocky and underestimating Benoit because he had the Triad in his back pocket, only to have Benoit fight all three of them off and win in the end. That being said, it’s really nothing great as it’s far more about the story than the wrestling. It would have been nice to have Benoit win the title here, but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without that David Flair title reign. I mean, it did SO much to make you hate Ric more right?

Breathe in people. It’s big match time.

A motorcycle is given away. I didn’t hear this advertised on any WCW show leading up to this.

We recap Sid vs. Sting but unfortunately we don’t get any Halloween Havoc 1989 clips. Basically Sid is calling himself the Millennium Man and wants to lead WCW into the future. Sting is his first target as he’s being built up for Goldberg.

Sid Vicious vs. Sting

The announcers claim that Sid has been in WCW a little over a month (it’s been two months) and he’s undefeated (if you don’t count tag matches or disqualifications of course). Apparently Sting has given up all of the power that he won from Flair. That clears up some questions, but did they have to wait two weeks to explain it? Sid stalls on the floor to start but gets kicked into the corner for a pair of Stinger Splashes.

He knocks Sid to the floor and that’s enough action to start as Sid takes a seat on the edge of the platform. Sting sends him into the crowd and they walk around ringside for a bit. When did Sting stop wrestling and become a full time brawler? 1997? Back in and Sting misses a Splash in the corner so it’s time for the wide world of choking. A backbreaker gets two on Sting as the crowd has died again. Off to another chinlock as Tony thinks the temperatures lowering could mean the matches go long. Global warming never sounded better.

They head back to the floor with Sid dropping him throat first across the barricade and we hit that chinlock again because Sid needs air. Back up and Sting drops him with a shoulder, setting up the falling low blow (third time in two matches). Sting goes to run the ropes but Sid trips him from his back. Yes, somehow Sid has invented a way to wrestle while laying down. You knew someone was going to do it someday. Snake Eyes puts Sting down again but Sid goes up, only to get taken down with a superplex. Not that it matters as the Stinger Splash is caught by a chokeslam for the completely clean pin.

Rating: D. The resting here was ridiculous as Sid was sitting/laying down at every given chance he had in a match that didn’t even last eleven minutes. This is the kind of thing that people look at in WCW and shake their heads as they wonder why they’re still watching. I mean, am I supposed to just wait for Sid to have another major match where he can be even lazier? I can get behind the idea of building up Sid as a monster, but could he put some effort into his matches? He doesn’t even use a lot of power moves as most of his offense revolves around choking. You can’t throw a powerslam in there?

Quick recap of Rick Steiner vs. Goldberg. Rick and Scott had destroyed Goldberg earlier in the year so Goldberg could go make a movie. Goldberg came back and started brawling with Steiner without a mention of the beatdown, but he did manage to say the TV Title wasn’t worth fighting for. How do you respond to that?

Goldberg vs. Rick Steiner

Non-title. It’s a brawl to start of course and Goldberg just nails him with a clothesline. Steiner tries something like a cross body to no effect and the superkick drops him. They’re clearly not going long here and that’s the best idea possible. Rick bails to the floor ala Sid before coming back in with a low blow. At least he bothered to shove the referee. Rick takes Goldberg’s knee brace off and beats him with it in whatever ways he can (which to be fair isn’t a long list).

I’ll give Tony this: he FINALLY points out that a knee brace Goldberg wore into the ring isn’t a foreign object and shouldn’t be considered cheating. I believe that’s the only time I’ve heard a commentator say that and it’s accurate. A belly to belly gets two for Rick and another brace shot to the head has him in trouble. Goldberg gets up and press slams Steiner into a powerslam, setting up the spear and Jackhammer. He really did just pop up from that offense and win with his signature moves.

Rating: D+. Believe it or not this wasn’t the worst thing they could have done. Ignoring the TV Champion losing in less than six minutes, Goldberg not selling, the knee brace shots having almost no effect and Goldberg’s comeback lasting all of three moves, this was the best possible option they had. Goldberg was supposed to destroy Steiner here and that’s basically what he did, setting him up for a bigger feud down the line. They really need to get the TV Title off of Steiner now though as it’s dying every single day he holds it.

We recap Arliss (the character, not the actor. Well depending on who you ask that is but I’m not getting into that mess again) bringing Rodman back to face Savage. This was before Rodman became a real face by kidnapping Gorgeous George, potentially raping her, attacking from behind and running from a fight. This story was such a mess and I really don’t want to know the logic behind it as I fear it might destroy my mind.

Dennis Rodman vs. Randy Savage

Hardcore for obvious reasons. Now this should be interesting as this match is very fondly remembered but I’m very curious as to how well it holds up. It should also be noted that Savage promised to bring a very bad man here to guard George. That man would also be revealed as the Hummer driver, even though this was ignored on Nitro this past week. Savage comes out alone because he doesn’t want George around Rodman. To be fair I don’t want to be around Rodman either. Rodman wants to know where she is but Savage says Rodman is his tonight. More swearing ensues and I have no idea what they’re talking about.

They’re on the floor about six seconds in with Savage going into the barricade a few times. Back in and the announcers are already praising Rodman as hard as they can. What took them so long? An elbow to the jaw puts Savage down and Tony says that’s enough to show that he’s a fine competitor. He follows it up with a Russian legsweep for another really slow two and even knows how to argue with a referee. He gets tired of dealing with Billy Silverman and lays him out before slowly walking around the ring.

Savage gets in his first offense after about three minutes by raking Rodman’s face. Heenan: “REBOUND THIS!” Mickie Jay comes out to referee as Savage hits his third choke of the match. He punches out a photographer to steal his camera and uses it to nail Rodman for two. The near fall earns Jay a right hand of his own and Scott Dickinson comes in to give us three referees knocked out.

Rodman gets back up to throw Savage outside but Savage tosses him over the barricade. The fans throw Rodman back as Savage walks around looking for weapons (or a real opponent). We’re on referee #4 now as they walk backstage. Rodman kind of armdrags Savage down but gets thrown into some trash. Here’s the big spot of the match: Rodman gets thrown into a portable toilet, which is then shoved over. The door opens and the waste comes out, only to have Rodman pop back up. Seriously, THAT is what people say made this match entertaining.

Back to ringside with Savage being thrown into the lighting structure before Dennis “hits” a middle rope “clothesline”, accidentally knocking the referee down. Gorgeous George comes out to the reaction of the match and hits Rodman low. She also gives Savage a chain to knock Rodman out for the pin to end this mess. Yes, Savage needed George and a chain to beat a basketball player.

Rating: D. It was messy (literally), it wasn’t really entertaining, Rodman nor Savage have any business in a ring at this point…..but I didn’t completely hate this. Maybe it’s low expectations or Rodman having a better presence than he did in the horrible tag match in 1998, but this could have been about a million times worse. Yeah the toilet spot was stupid and a lot of the moves didn’t hit, but this is like the Clown match earlier: it’s not fair to expect a good match out of someone who isn’t a good wrestler. The praise this match got is overkill, but this could have been WAY worse.

We recap Hogan vs. Nash, which seems to be the real match they wanted to get to instead of Goldberg vs. Hogan or Goldberg vs. Nash. The idea here is they’re arguing over who was the real force behind the NWO and it’s Nash’s career vs. Hogan’s career and title to try and add in some drama. Hogan turned face earlier in the week to get rid of any possible drama for this match.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash

The fans and announcers are entirely behind Hogan. Nash shoves him into the corner a few times to start and the engines rev again. He grabs a headlock (Hogan: “OH MY GOD!”) and we’re already stuck in first gear. Another shove sends Nash to the floor and the stalling begins. Back in and we hit the test of strength with Nash getting the better of it. Tony continues his bizarre commentary by saying Nash is two inches taller than Hogan. If you drop Nash down to 6’11, that puts Hogan at 6’9. That’s a stretch even for WCW.

Nash starts going after the back but takes too long on the framed elbow. There’s nothing here that wouldn’t be seen on a Nitro main event so far. Hulk hammers away in the corner but gets raked in the eyes. Nash uses the boot choke as we’re only in signature mode here. They head outside for nothing of note before Nash slowly walks around the ring. He calls for the Jackknife but keeps hammering away, including the framed elbow. The big boot and Jackknife plant Hogan and it’s Hulk Up time. You know the rest and Nash is sent on vacation. Uh I mean retired. Yeah retired. For like, ever.

Rating: D. So after all that time (the full five days) of buildup for the career vs. career stipulation and the huge Nash heel turn (three weeks ago I believe) after Hogan’s long title reign (less than a month at this point), they did the paint by numbers Hogan match and expected us to be amazed. This was the Hogan formula from the 80s taking place four months from the year 2000, which tells you almost all you need to know about WCW.

The worst part is Hogan vs. Nash could have drawn a fairly decent crowd if promoted the right way. It’s a big main event that we hadn’t seen yet but it’s thrown onto maybe the lowest level PPV of the year on a Saturday instead of the usual Sunday. They set this match up to fail and I really don’t get the thinking there. Granted that could be said about almost everything around this time.

Overall Rating: D. This really isn’t the worst show ever, as the first half (save for the Bagwell vs. Cat mess) is totally watchable. Mostly boring but watchable. You have some decent action and a title change plus a good Benoit vs. Page match. Unfortunately, that all led to the second half of the show and that’s where this show gets its reputation.

The main event guys hit new levels of lazy and sluggish here with Sid somehow coming up with offense from his back. I mean, he can’t even sit up to trip Sting? The main event had as much heat as an igloo on Christmas Eve, Sting vs. Sid was just there to set up something for the future, Goldberg vs. Steiner was a Thunder main event and Rodman vs. Savage was just a celebrity appearance. Maybe Nash leaving for awhile will open up a main event slot, but the thoughts of who they might put in there terrifies me.

You know what this needed to be? A Clash of the Champions. Cut out the opener, Miller vs. Bagwell and make Sid/Savage vs. Rodman/Sting (Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see Sting and Rodman try to have a conversation) a tag match. That’s not a bad two hour show and it would certainly make fans feel better than paying for this mess. This show didn’t need to be a three hour pay per view as the matches and feuds just aren’t there for one. They need to mix things up soon though because this product is killing them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

 

 

Tonight is all about the celebrities as the main event is DDP/Karl Malone vs. Hollywood Hogan/Dennis Rodman. We’ve also got football player Kevin Greene vs. the Giant in what was supposed to be a tag match. Their original partners are in a world title match as new champion Goldberg defends against Curt Hennig. The midcard matches should be solid, meaning this has potential to be something good. Let’s get to it.

 

 

The opening video focuses on the three major matches tonight with some shots of the beach cut in as well.

 

 

The set is the usual intricate beach setting with sand, lifeguard towers and beach balls. The announcers wearing hula shirts is a nice touch as well.

 

 

We get an intro from the announcers, bragging about all the media attention the show has been getting. Nothing wrong with that.

 

 

Gene, in a white tuxedo, hypes up the hotline.

 

 

Raven vs. Saturn

 

 

Under Raven’s Rules of course. Saturn is in trunks now instead of jeans. Raven of course has Riggs and Lodi with him, the latter being dressed like Hat Guy. Saturn meets him in the aisle to start and whips Raven into the barricade very hard. He chokes Raven with the shirt and takes it inside for the first time. Saturn slips on the top for a bit but comes back with a quick missile dropkick to put Raven down. An ankle lock is quickly broken by Raven grabbing the ropes, even though there are no rules so there’s nothing the referee can threaten Saturn with.

 

 

Raven avoids a legdrop and hits a quick knee lift to put Saturn down for a breather. It’s already table time (Tony: “He’s got a chair.”) but Raven gets crotched while trying to suplex Saturn over the top and through the table. They head to the floor with Raven hitting the Russian legsweep into the barricade for two, even with Raven’s feet on the ropes. Raven’s sleeper is countered by a jawbreaker and both guys are down again. Saturn is up first for some kicks in the corner and a suplex to take over.

 

 

Now it’s chair time (complete with jokes from Heenan at Tony’s expense) with Saturn hitting a spinning springboard legdrop onto Raven onto the chair for two. Saturn takes out Riggs and Lodi but crushes Nick Patrick in the corner with a springboard leg lariat in the corner. Out to the floor again with Raven being bulldogged into the steps.

 

 

Saturn sets up another table next on top of the original with Raven in between but here’s Kanyon to turn on Saturn, pulling Raven out from between the tables. We hit the shades of gray as Kanyon takes Raven inside and gives him the Flatliner onto the chair. Riggs rolls in Saturn and puts Raven on top for two. Saturn comes back with a Death Valley Driver to Riggs but the Even Flow is enough for the pin for Raven.

 

 

Rating: C. The match was fun but as usual, they’re not actually going anywhere with all this stuff. So many of the feuds just go in circles and that doesn’t help anyone at all in the end. Kanyon and Saturn need to do something soon to capitalize on all these awesome moments they’ve had but it seems like they’re going to be doing the same stuff they’ve been doing for months.

 

 

Here’s Eddie to talk about Chavo’s match with Stevie Ray before his hair vs. hair match with Eddie. This is the first mention of Stevie being involved in the PPV, which might be a good idea. Eddie says Stevie is going to destroy Chavo and Eddie will pick up the pieces.

 

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

 

 

Wasn’t this supposed to be Juvy vs. Reese II? Kidman looks much cleaner than usual. They lock up to start with Kidman taking over with a headlock. Both guys hit the ropes a few times and they flip to a stalemate. Kidman gets chopped against the ropes and takes down by a headscissors. Lodi pulls Juvy to the floor for a quick beating but Kidman takes out his Flock mate on a dive. Guerrera slides back in and hits a HUGE dive to take both guys down.

 

 

Back in and Kidman slams him down before taking it right back to the floor. Juvy is dropped throat first across the barricade but Kidman misses a charge off the apron to send himself crashing into the barricade as well. They head to the apron with Juvy hitting a sunset bomb to slam Kidman onto the floor again. The fans of course get on Lodi instead of paying attention to the match.

 

 

Juvy throws him inside again and stomps Kidman in the corner a bit before loading up a top rope hurricanrana. Kidman counters with a low blow and a top rope sitout spinebuster for a big crash and two. Back up and Kidman chops away but gets rolled up for two. They head to the corner again and Kidman gets crotched on the top rope, allowing Juvy to hit a springboard hurricanrana for a close two. Kidman’s middle rope bulldog gets the same and they trade rollups for two. The Juvy Driver gets two but Kidman slams him down to set up the Seven Year Itch. Juvy rolls away at the last second though and it’s the 450 for the pin.

 

 

Rating: B-. Good match here as you would expect from these guys. It’s nowhere near their best but it’s better than Reese vs. Juvy would have been. This would have been a good choice for the opener as the fans got into it, even though a lot of their heat was directed at Lodi. Fun stuff.

 

 

Konnan is on WCW.com, talking about his family eating fish tacos.

 

 

Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

 

This is a result of a one off conversation between these two on Nitro. Chavo has a Super Soaker and an inflatable duck around his waist. Eddie comes out to watch so Chavo dedicates the match to him. Chavo avoids contact for awhile before offering a handshake. Stevie shakes his hand…..and Chavo submits. For some reason, Stevie is mad even though he won.

 

 

Time for the hair vs. hair match and Eddie is livid.

 

 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

 

Loser gets a haircut. They lock up to start and Eddie leapfrogs him, only to be bitten on the tights, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Eddie asks the referee to look at the injury but Charles Robinson is just fine thank you. Now Chavo wants to dance a bit. A frustrated Eddie kicks the turnbuckle and injures his foot, sending him out to the floor. Eddie throws in a chair but Chavo sits down in it and asks Eddie to come in. Things settle down a bit and Eddie gets on his knees to ask for a handshake. Chavo takes his hand and pulls Eddie into a clothesline as we actually get going.

 

 

Eddie hides in the corner at the referee’s knees but gets bitten again as the comedy continues. Eddie finally dropkicks the knee out and sends Chavo into the corner to take over. Some shoulders to Chavo’s back in the corner have him in even more trouble and a gutbuster puts him down again. A low dropkick sets up a slingshot hilo to stay on Chavo’s back and the nephew is in trouble. There’s the Gory Special in the middle of the ring but Chavo gets his legs free, only to be clotheslined right back down.

 

 

We hit a camel clutch on Chavo for a bit before Eddie fires off some chops against the ropes. Chavo avoids a dropkick and scores with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Eddie down. Eddie pulls the trunks to send Chavo to the floor and pulls back the mats. The brainbuster is countered though and Chavo suplexes him down onto the exposed concrete. Back in and Chavo goes up again but gets crotched down, setting up an Eddie superplex to put both guys down.

 

 

Back up and Chavo launches Eddie over his head and face first into the turnbuckle but Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Eddie’s tornado DDT (Chavo’s finisher) puts Chavo down and Eddie goes for the scissors. That’s not cool with Little Naitch so Eddie tries the frog splash to a similar result. Now Chavo goes for the scissors but the referee takes them away, allowing Eddie to get a rollup for the pin.

 

 

Rating: B-. To no surprise, this was a good match. Chavo has grown up a lot in this feud and the matches are getting better and better every time. I’m digging Chavo being crazy yet brilliant with stuff like the handshake submission earlier. He’s gone from nothing to an interesting character which was the idea all along.

 

 

Post match Chavo grabs the electric clippers and shaves his own hair off. He offers to cut Eddie’s as well so they can be twins. Chavo: “You don’t want to cut my hair? What a psycho!” Chavo cuts his own hair and shaves the whole thing off.

 

 

We get an odd few moments during the haircut as Tony talks like the main event is up next before going into a full recap of Jericho vs. Malenko. Instead of either of those, we get this.

 

 

Disco Inferno vs. Konnan

 

 

This is a bonus match and Disco is officially from FUNKYTOWN. Before the match, Alex and Disco imitate Konnan in an unfunny bit. Nash and Luger come out with Konnan which is some serious overkill. They’re just a comedy tag team guys. Nash and Konnan do their full entrances and talking bits as we’re clearly filling time now.

 

 

Konnan takes him down with ease and stomps on Disco’s back. An X-Factor and the rolling lariat put Inferno down again but Wright pulls him to the floor for an attack. Luger Racks Alex, allowing Nash to Jackknife Disco. Konnan puts on the Tequila Sunrise for the easy submission. That’s three people interfering in a two minute match with no backstory for those of you keeping track. This is why we needed another NWO group?

 

 

Kevin Greene vs. The Giant

 

 

Greene is very fired up here. He rolls away from Giant to start and sneaks in a slap to the face. Giant growls at him so Kevin bails to the floor. Greene kicks the ropes to crotch Giant as they come back in before pounding away in the corner. The fans are into this and it helps that Greene could probably get a job on his looks and charisma alone. Giant catches him in a bearhug though and spinebusts him down to take over.

 

 

A Goldberg chant starts up so Giant pounds Greene in the head out of anger. Back up and Giant chops away as Tony talks about the Georgia Dome show getting 39,919 people. Every source I can find says it was over 40,000, so why would WCW understate it? I’ve never understood that.

 

 

Anyway Greene snaps Giant’s throat across the ropes but gets headbutted right back down. They head to the floor with Giant going face first into the barricade a few times before heading back inside. Kevin hits a top rope forearm to drop Giant for two and it’s time to go for the knees. That lasts about two seconds before Greene charges into a chokeslam in the corner for the pin.

 

 

Rating: C+. That’s on a very adjusted scale considering that Greene isn’t a wrestler. Factoring that in, this was some very impressive stuff. Greene looked completely comfortable out there and there wasn’t a single time there where he looked lost. If he wasn’t an incredible football player, he had a career in wrestling for sure. Entertaining stuff here again.

 

 

Hennig says Goldberg doesn’t have the heart to beat him.

 

 

We recap Jericho vs. Malenko with a video from Nitro, showing Malenko getting handcuffed for attacking Jericho after the insults about Dean’s dad.

 

 

We still don’t know who Jericho’s opponent is tonight so he comes to the ring with a cane while wearing a top hat as he promised to do. He teases a softshoe but here’s JJ to interrupt. Dillon thinks he might have made a mistake about Jericho, but we have an opponent. He hasn’t been in the ring in six months, but it’ll be a No DQ match like it was supposed to be with Malenko. Jericho: “Bring out the jobber!”

 

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

 

Rey is clearly limping on the way to the ring but has a VERY muscular physique. Rey fires off forearms in the corner and dropkicks Chris into the ropes. Jericho bails to the floor for a breather but comes back in to go after the bad knee. They head up the aisle and fight on the lifeguard’s before Rey hurricanranas him down onto the “irritating” (Tony’s word) sand.

 

 

Back in and Jericho rolls through a high cross body for two before hitting something like a top rope powerslam for no cover. Jericho grabs a chair and goes after the knee but spends too long mocking Rey, allowing Mysterio to get in some shots to Jericho’s knee. The West Coast Pop is badly botched to the point it looks like a powerbomb on Rey. He bails to the ropes to avoid the Liontamer but here’s the suspended Dean Malenko. The distraction lets Rey snap off a hurricanrana for the pin and the title.

 

 

Rating: D+. This didn’t work very well. It’s not a horrible match but Rey looked very rusty out there. The crowd was happy to see him, but they booked themselves into a corner with Dean. He needs to get his revenge on Jericho and be done with it but this just extends the story out even longer. Hopefully Rey gets better with some more ring time.

 

 

Post match Dean chases Jericho to the back and Arn Anderson slows Jericho down, allowing Malenko to get in some shots.

 

 

TV Title: Booker T vs. Bret Hart

 

 

Booker is defending after being goaded into the match by some Bret chair shots. Bret gets taken to the mat but comes back with right hands to the face to take over. A snapmare gets two for Booker and he sends Bret out to the floor. Bret comes back with a whip into the barricade and we head back inside for the first shots at Booker’s braced knee. Booker grabs a quick spinebuster for a floatover two count but Bret backdrops out him out to the floor.

 

 

Back in and Bret stays on the knee before getting two off a Russian legsweep. Booker gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a quick side kick and the flapjack. There’s the Spinarooni but Booker doesn’t snap to his feet as he usually does. The missile dropkick gets two as Bret gets his foot on the ropes. Bret goes outside and grabs a chair to stop a diving Booker for a DQ.

 

 

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Really there isn’t much else to say about this match. The match was just there with Bret doing some stuff, Booker coming back, then Bret ending it with the chair. Bret is probably at the top of the list of guys who were wasted in WCW as he went from WWF Champion to losing in a lower card title match inside of eight months. That’s impressive even by WCW standards.

 

 

Bret goes after the knee with the chair and cracks it over the exposed knee cap. He hooks the Heartbreaker around the post and Stevie Ray takes his sweet time in making the save.

 

 

Video on Goldberg’s big night on Monday.

 

 

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

 

 

No Rude for the challenger tonight. Goldberg runs him over to start and hits a kind of release belly to belly, sending Curt into the corner. Goldberg uses his legs to take Hennig down and Curt bails to the floor. Back in and Goldberg charges into a boot in the corner but Hennig gets caught in a gorilla press powerslam. Curt goes after the knee with a chop block and some cannonballs. The HennigPlex gets two and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to retain the title.

 

 

Rating: D. You know all those other Goldberg matches? Read whatever I said about any of those and swap out whatever that opponent’s name for Curt Hennig.

 

 

We recap the main event without words. Basically the basketball players don’t like each other because they played in the finals twice in a row and Hogan said some stuff about Page that DDP didn’t like.

 

 

Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone vs. Dennis Rodman/Hollywood Hogan

 

 

Page and Malone have matching attire, which look like they jumped into a vat of hot glue with their jeans on. They come out to some hip hop song that keeps saying “feel the bang.” Malone looks like he’s been carved out of granite while Rodman is in a t-shirt and jeans. The basketball players get us going but first Hogan has to take off Rodman’s glasses. Rodman runs to the ropes to hide and the fans are all over him. That works so well that they do it a second time. A test of strength doesn’t happen as we hit two minutes into the match.

 

 

Rodman grabs a headlock but bails to the floor when Malone charges at him. Off to Hogan for a posedown with Hollywood getting frustrated. Malone hooks a kind of standing chinlock (imagine a left arm Rock Bottom but he clasps his hands together and squeezes) before slamming Hogan down. We’re five minutes in now and it’s off to Page. DDP gets Rodman and shoves him down off a lockup. A shoulder puts Rodman down again as the stalling continues. They spit at each other and Rodman armdrags him down. Somehow we’re seven minutes into this match.

 

 

They hit the ropes a bit and collide to send both guys down. Back to the headlock by Rodman but Page reverses into one of his own. The fans are clearly getting restless. Rodman leapfrogs Page twice and they collide again to give us more laying down. Malone comes in and kicks at Rodman, sending him over to Hogan for the tag. Karl hooks a top wristlock and shoves Hogan to the mat. Hogan complains of a hair pull and Rodman gets in a cheap shot to get to the whole tag match idea for the first time.

 

 

Hogan chokes a lot and slams Malone down before raking the boot over Malone’s eyes. Rodman comes in with some elbow drops before it’s back to Hogan for a chinlock. Here’s Rodman again for some double teaming and a belly to back suplex from Hogan. Hollywood misses an elbow though and it’s hot tag to Page. DDP comes in with a top rope clothesline to Hogan but a cheap shot from Rodman lets the NWO take over again. Hogan chokes away in the corner with his boot followed by a running clothesline.

 

 

Rodman comes in for a double big boot and more choking before it’s back to Hogan for right hands in the corner. Page hits a quick elbow but Rodman breaks up the tag attempt and puts on a front facelock. Malone plays cheerleader on the apron and we get the unseen and phantom tag tropes to space the match out even more. The big boot puts Page down but he avoids the legdrop and it’s hot tag off to Malone.

 

 

Clotheslines all around put the NWO down and they both get slams. There’s a double noggin knocker followed by Hogan’s head going into the buckle. A big boot drops Hogan and it’s off to Page for a running Diamond Cutter (Hogan landed on his hands, making the move look horrible). Malone Diamond Cuts Rodman but Disciple sneaks in with a Stunner to Page, giving Hogan the pin and a face pop for some reason.

 

 

Rating: F. This was about what you knew it was going to be, though it could have been FAR worse. Malone was clearly taking this seriously which is more than you can say for most celebrities in matches. Rodman looked like your usual celebrity wrestler: decent at the one or two really basic moves he used but pretty worthless otherwise. I’ve read before that this was originally booked to go nearly an hour, which makes me shiver in fear. I guess Hogan needed this win as a thank you for the mainstream attention he brought in?

 

 

Malone gives Disciple and the referee Diamond Cutters (good ones too) and the NWO celebrates like this is a big deal.

 

 

The announcers talk a bit to wrap things up.

 

 

Overall Rating: C. This is the WCW PPV formula but a better version than usual. The earlier stuff is mostly good while the main events cripple it, though Goldberg’s match was what the fans wanted to see and was executed as well as it could have been. The problem with the company is the same as always though: the main stories aren’t going anywhere. The tag match doesn’t change anything here and everyone involved in it now needs to start a new story. It’s a good show overall, but as usual turn it off before the main event.

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Rodman Down Under
Date: July 30, 2000
Location: Sydney SuperDome, Sydney, Australia
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince Mancini, Ted DiBiase

Why does Youtube have to torment me like this? This is a one off PPV from a tour of Australia that a bunch of old guys (and Dennis Rodman for no apparent reason) put together for a quick buck. The organization is called i-Generation Superstars of Wrestling for whatever reason they came up with. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows Rodman jumping Hennig over and over, making him the heel for the main event. I’m as shocked as you are.

The production values aren’t bad at all as the show is well lit and there’s a pretty good crowd.

Ted and Vince run down the card and tell us the main event is an Australian Outback match, which likely means hardcore.

Here’s Hennig to open the show by talking. He talks about Rodman leaving the basketball court to come into the wrestling world where all Hennig has to do is show up. Hennig wants to fight Rodman RIGHT NOW but Rodman is still in street clothes. Dennis talks about how awesome he is and how he’s going to beat Hennig and can I get my money back for this nonsense? Hennig starts a Dennis Sucks chant but Rodman says they’re here to see him….and that’s it. This is already a waste of my time.

Public Enemy attacked the Road Warriors at a press conference. Good to know.

Tag Titles: Public Enemy vs. Road Warriors

Public Enemy is defending and this is a tables match for no reason whatsoever. Before anyone complains, yes I know Public Enemy does a lot of tables stuff, but there’s no story point to this being a tables match. There’s no story period but that’s to be expected. Public Enemy wants the fans to shut up during the match or Grunge will beat them all up. It’s going to be a night of cheap heat isn’t it? The Warriors’ stomachs are literally hanging over their tights in a sign of the times.

Rocco jumps Animal to start but the Warrior comes back with some lame clotheslines. Grunge comes in and is knocked to the floor seconds later as the announcers make fun of him for being out of shape. Hawk comes in to pound away and hits the flying shoulder to put Grunge down. These guys are really looking their age out there and it’s pretty sad to see. Back to Rocco who is slammed off the top and caught in a powerslam for two. Wait isn’t this a tables match?

Back to Animal vs. Grunge with Johnny clotheslining him out to the floor. Rock whips Animal into the barricade and hits him with the lethal bottle of water to the head. Public Enemy pounds him down in the corner but Rock misses a running crotch attack at the ropes. Grunge breaks up the hot tag attempt and Rocco goes up as this match is still in slow motion. Rocco jumps into a boot to the face and we finally get the hot tag to Hawk.

He takes both Enemies down with some lame neckbreakers before missing the top rope clothesline to a downed Grunge. Everything breaks down and Hawk is laid out on a table for the flip dive from Rocco….which doesn’t end the match. Rock is confused so he tries again on another table but drives himself through it instead. Animal hits a horrible shoulder to Grunge in the ring but Rock pops him with a chair. We get a table in the corner now and a spear/shoulder from Animal sends both Enemies through it for the titles.

Rating: D-. This is only above a failure because I love the LOD (Legion of Doom, meaning the Road Warriors for you young pups). It was sad to see these teams looking so old and out of shape but the rules made it even worse. They went back and forth between pins and tables with the table on the floor not counting. I’m assuming it’s because it wasn’t in the ring but the announcers nor the referee ever told us that.

Here are the I-Generettes to fill in time on an hour and forty five minute show.

Barbarian vs. Brute Force

Force is Brutus Beefcake and this is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. Brutus pulls Barbarian away from posing for a trashcan shot to start things off. Some broomstick choking has Barbarian down in the corner but a low blow stops Force’s force. Yeah I know that was bad but this show is dumbing me down and we’re not even half an hour into it. A headbutt low gets Barbarian yelled at for no reason but a trashcan to the head is fine. The announcers talk about a popcorn machine as Barbarian stomps him down in the corner. I could go for a hot snack to keep me awake too.

We head to the floor with Barbarian being rammed into the table and hit with the trashcan again. Barbarian fights from his back with trashcan lid shots but has to avoid a shot with the steps. Back in and Brutus is hit with a 2×4 and punched in the head a lot. Some choking with a chain does no good for Barbarian as Brutus comes back with an atomic drop and a low headbutt. A Stunner, a DDT and a piledriver get two each for Brutus but a single kick to the chest/ribs is good for the pin for Barbarian.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of the problem with gimmick matches: there’s no reason for this to be a hardcore match so it’s just two people hitting each other with trashcans for ten minutes. That doesn’t make for an interesting match but rather a boring waste of time until we get to a very stupid finish that made Barbarian of all people look tough instead of the hero.

More from the dancers.

Brandi Wine vs. Sweet Destiny

I’ve never heard of either chick and from what I can find they have about five career matches between the two of them. Wine has Fred Ottman (Tugboat) with him here under the name of Sugar Daddy for no apparent reason. Wouldn’t Sugar Daddy make more sense for the chick named Sweet? Instead Destiny has some boxer named Aussie Joe Martin as her second. Neither chick looks that good but Destiny is the face. She’s also the hips and stomach but I guess the dancers are all the skinny non-wrestlers the company could afford. Think a slightly chunkier Nidia.

Feeling out process to start which turns into a bad dance off. They seem to be avoiding contact due to a lack of talent. Destiny takes her down with a decent throw but is sent into the buckle very slowly. A catapult sends Destiny into the corner again as these girls are making the Bellas look like Trish and Lita. Brandi poses a lot and drags her down by the hair a few times. Bad choking ensues as this match just keeps going. A clothesline puts Destiny on the floor and Brandi rams her into the table a few times.

Wine poses a lot to further drag out the match time. How can a show have five matches and need to fill in this much on a card? A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each until Sugar Daddy trips up Destiny. Sugar Daddy and Aussie Joe (who is old and in a referee shirt for some reason) get in a fight with Joe dropping him with one right hand. Destiny gets two off a good German suplex but gets slammed off the top. Brandi goes up as well and gets superplexed down for the pin.

Rating: D. Somehow this was the match of the night so far. It wasn’t good in the slightest but they were trying and I’ve seen FAR worse female matches before. On the other hand, these girls looked lost out there at times, which makes you wonder why they got nearly fifteen minutes to work with. Nothing to see here at all, especially when you had Trish Stratus at the peak of her hotness in the WWF at this point.

Hey look: more dancing!

Australasian Title: One Man Gang vs. Tatanka

Yes seriously. Tatanka is defending and is the face, but wouldn’t you think he would be a heel for being so proud of being from another country? The Gang thanks the fans for their support but wants the women to wash their underwear before they throw them to him. Gang looks so old it’s unreal. He pounds away in the corner to start and gets two off a clothesline. Tatanka comes back with kicks and chops as this is somehow less interesting than the girls.

Gang is sent to the floor and complains about how bad he smells. He takes a walk up the aisle and after nearly a minute the fans fill the ring with trash. Back in and they trade wristlocks with Gang pounding down into the shoulder. Tatanka comes back with shots to Gang’s shoulder as well and a chop to the head for two. A nearly botched cross body gets two more for Tatanka but Gang hits one of his own for two. Tatanka works the leg for a bit as this is already going longer than it should.

Gang kicks him to the floor but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. The big man slowly drops knees as I go read Gone with the Wind to fill in the time. Off to a nerve hold until Gang drives some shoulders into Tatanka’s ribs. Gang misses a running charge in the corner but Tatanka charges into a boot in the corner. A big fat legdrop makes me wish I was watching a Yokozuna match but Tatanka avoids a second one. I’m assuming he does as the camera was on fans in NWO shirts.

Tatanka makes his comeback and a chop to the head gets two. He rams Gang’s head into the buckle but the referee is crushed off a whip. Gang is slammed off the top and chopped in the head but there’s no referee. The fat man loads up some brass knuckles and knocks out the Indian for the pin and the title after nearly TWENTY MINUTES.

Rating: F+. I’ll give Gang credit here: he was trying. He was playing to the crowd and actually moving a bit out there which is more than you can say for most of the wrestlers tonight. The match was WAY too long though and on a show already this bad there’s no reason for it to go this long. Did they only have twelve people for the show or something?

Remember those dancing girls who have done the same dance three times already? Well here’s a fourth edition.

We recap Rodman vs. Hennig with the same videos from earlier.

I-Generation World Title: Dennis Rodman vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig is defending and this is an Australian Outback match, which I think means street fight. Rodman jumps him to start and hits Hennig in the head with the belt. Curt is busted open so Rodman pounds away at the cut. We head to the floor with Hennig being rammed into the table. Curt finds a broomstick and pounds Rodman in the ribs before throwing him over the announce table. Rodman is rammed through the table and Hennig is ticked off.

Hennig pounds away on the floor before heading back inside for more stomping. This is already boring as Rodman can’t do anything but brawling so there isn’t much to see. Rodman hits him low and knocks Curt to the floor, only to have the champion come back with chops. Back in for more chopping but Rodman headbutts the referee for no apparent reason. They slug it out a bit more and Rodman throws the referee down for a DQ, making me wonder what an Australian Outback match is.

Rating: D-. Hennig looked good but there’s a reason Rodman is a basketball player: he doesn’t have much skill as a wrestler. This was yet another garbage brawl with nothing to see from Rodman. Curt could have had a good match with an actual wrestler, but that might be interesting so we can’t have that.

Rodman and Hennig keep brawling after the match but Brute Force (in a freaking zebra stripe suit) breaks it up.

Hennig is checked in the back and says it’s not over with Rodman.

A four minute highlight package and credits end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Well that was horrible but I can’t say it’s in Heroes of Wrestling territory. For one thing that show was nearly an hour longer and had some of the most embarrassing “wrestling” you’ll ever see. This was terrible stuff too but it wasn’t dragging the business down to never before seen lows. At the end of the day, this was only an hour and forty minutes with nearly twenty of that being spent on dancing or video packages. It’s terrible but it’s not the worst show of all time by a decent stretch.

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Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

 

Remember that horrible main event last year with an NBA player in it? Well this one has two NBA players. Yes this time it’s DDP/Karl Malone vs. Hogan/Rodman. At least there’s a world title match here though as this is 6 days after Goldberg beat Hogan for the title so he’s got Hennig tonight. Also the annoying Kevin Greene is back because we need MORE non-wrestling athletes. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video more or less just lists off the participants in the matches I just told you.

 

The announcers talk forever about how huge this is.

 

Raven vs. Perry Saturn

 

Raven’s Rules of course. This is the beginning of the Saturn frees the Flock stuff. Lodi is dressed like Hat Guy. Riggs is with Raven and let’s talk about the main event. I mean we gave them a full half second after the bell rang to be about them. They fight outside and Raven goes into the railing. Into the ring and Saturn slips off the top. He catches himself on the mat though and hits a dropkick.

 

Saturn throws on a hold and Raven taps but it doesn’t count for whatever reason. He misses a guillotine legdrop though and Raven is able to get a table. Saturn manages to crotch him but misses a dive and lands on the floor again. Raven hits the Russian leg sweep into the railing. Sleeper doesn’t get Raven anywhere as Saturn gets a jawbreaker to counter.

 

Raven gets drilled in the corner with a bunch of kicks and now a suplex. Saturn grabs a chair and bashes Raven with it a few times but only gets two. Saturn sets for something but Riggs and Lodi come in for the save. Perry suplexes them both at once to send them flying and accidentally drills the referee. Out to the floor and Raven gets bulldogged into the steps. Saturn sets up another table and puts a table on top of him.

 

Saturn goes up top but Kanyon comes out and pulls Raven off the table before Saturn jumps. Saturn jumps anyway so are we supposed to believe Saturn just couldn’t see it? Seriously? Saturn mostly misses the tables anyway so he wouldn’t have hit Raven even if Kanyon hadn’t moved him. Kanyon hits a Flatliner (Downward Spiral) on Raven onto the chair. Saturn is rolled in and Raven gets two. Riggs comes in again and takes a DVD but the opening allows Raven to get the Evenflow DDT to end this.

 

Rating: C+. Some of the bumps here were pretty good but these two had the same match for like a year. This wasn’t too bad though, although the table bump was really stupid looking due to the total miss and Saturn looking like a total idiot. This feud would go on a few more months until Saturn freed the Flock, more or less ending their usefulness outside of Kidman.

 

Eddie says he’ll win his hair vs. hair match against Chavo because Chavo is insane. Also Chavo has a match with Stevie Ray before he has to face Eddie.

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

 

Not a title match here. Just a cruiserweight match for the sake of having a cruiserweight match. Juvy is a face and Kidman is a part of the Flock. They lock up to start and then slug it out for a bit before Kidman grabs a headlock. A lot of speed to start and Juvy takes over with a set of chops and a headscissors, followed by a clothesline to the floor. Lodi saves a big dive by Juvy and hits him with “Lethal” (Tony’s word not mine) forearms to the back.

 

Kidman misses a dive so Juvy shows him how it’s done, taking out Lodi and Kidman. He kicks Lodi’s hat and the fans boo. Back in the ring for another counter sequence but this one ends better for Kidman as he hits a wheelbarrow suplex. Out to the floor and Kidman picks him up for what looks like a powerbomb but drops Juvy backwards to clothesline him on the railing.

 

Kidman goes to the apron and dives into the railing by mistake to shift the momentum again. Juvy gets a sunset bomb to the floor after some resistance from Kidman. Tony of course calls it a sidewalk slam because he’s an idiot. Back in the ring Kidman uses a low blow to break up a top rope rana and hits a sitout spinebuster off the top in a cool move. It only gets two and we hit a well deserved chinlock.

 

More chopping and ducking follow and Juvy gets a rollup for two. Juvy gets tossed to the floor so Kidman goes up to dive. Juvy gets up for the save and Kidman gets crotched, followed by a springboard rana for two. Juvy gets a Rock Bottom suplex for two. Kidman pops up to hit a springboard bulldog for two (think Stratusfaction). Pinfall reversal sequence doesn’t go anywhere but Kidman walks into the Juvy Driver for two. Juvy charges at Kidman and gets caught in a spinebuster. Kidman misses the Shooting Star and the miss is enough for Juvy to get the 450 for the pin.

 

Rating: B. Really good match here as this is what the cruiserweights were supposed to be about: just going out there and going insane, hitting all kinds of stuff you wouldn’t see elsewhere. Kidman would get a lot better and Juvy would decline a bit as a heel but this was still awesome stuff. Really liked it as they just went out and had a good match. What more can you ask of them?

 

Konnan is on an internet chat. Konnan on the internet is never a good thing. Just ask X.

 

Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero

 

Not sure why Stevie was picked but this was so that Chavo wouldn’t be at 100% to face Eddie later. Chavo is crazy at this point. He comes out with a water gun and an inner tube around his stomach. Eddie comes out with some scissors to great heat. Chavo dedicates this to his favorite wrestler, Eddie Guerrero. The hair vs. hair match is right after this. Chavo avoids Stevie then poses and dances. He offers a handshake which Stevie actually accepts. While in the handshake, Chavo submits. Apparently Chavo is crazy like a psycho.

 

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerrero

 

Chavo bites him to start as Mike talks about the significance of hair vs. hair in Mexico. Now Chavo dances some more as we haven’t had any significant contact in the first two minutes or so. Eddie gets a chair and that doesn’t work of course. Chavo sits in said chair and maybe now we can get a match? Eddie offers a handshake and Chavo takes it, pulling him into a clothesline.

 

We finally get going after two and a half minutes. Backdrop to Eddie so he hides with the referee. Chavo bites him again as this isn’t much of a match for the first three and a half minutes so far. Eddie gets a dropkick to the knee and fires off some shoulders to the back. Slingshot hilo has Chavo in more trouble. After nothing of note on the floor there’s the Gory Special to Chavo. Nice touch.

 

Camel clutch goes on. Did someone grab a camel in that once and say it seemed like a good name for a wrestling match? Out to the floor and Eddie rams his head into the steps. There go the mats at ringside and Eddie wants a brainbuster. Chavo counters into a regular suplex and Eddie is in trouble. The younger one goes up and is crotched so Eddie hits a superplex to put both guys down.

 

Chavo gets the advantage and tries a frog splash but Eddie gets the knees up just in time. Eddie tries Chavo’s tornado DDT and this time it hits, allowing Eddie to grab some scissors before it’s time. Frog splash by Eddie misses and now Chavo hits the tornado DDT. He grabs the scissors, allowing Eddie to get a small package for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Not as good as you would expect here as they were kind of all over the place. The comedy at the beginning didn’t work and they were more or less mirroring each other after that. It’s not bad but for Chavo vs. Eddie you kind of expect a lot more than what you got here.

 

Post match Chavo goes insane and cuts his own hair while he makes sound effects. He plays the psycho really well.

 

Apparently Malenko vs. Jericho is off due to Malenko snapping and beating up Jericho on Nitro. Jericho will defend the title against a mystery opponent later tonight.

 

Konnan vs. Disco Inferno

 

This is an added bonus match. It’s a Wrestlezone special I guess. Disco is billed from Funkytown of all places. Alex Wright is with Disco here and tries to speak some Spanish. Thankfully Mike and Tony are here to tell us they can’t speak Spanish. Where would we be without them to explain jokes to us? Nash and Luger are with Konnan. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Nash talks for awhile to eat up more time.

 

Disco gets beaten down quickly which shouldn’t surprise anyone. We hear about Disco’s legit good resume in wrestling which is often forgotten. Disco gets in some jobber offense as it’s pretty clear what we’ve got on our hands here. Wright gets in some shots while Luger/Nash aren’t thrilled with it. There’s a Rack for Wright and a powerbomb for Disco. Tequila Sunrise ends this squash.

 

The Giant vs. Kevin Greene

 

Giant is black and white and Greene is here because WCW isn’t that smart. Greene is a guy that wasn’t that skilled but he was clearly having a blast out there and wanted to be out there doing this. He runs a lot which is smart strategy. Greene kicks the rope into the Little Giants and tries some punches in the corner but gets caught in a spinebuster (called a gutwrench waistlock slam by Tony) and the beating begins.

 

The fans chant for Goldberg but he’s not coming for a bit longer. The scary thing about Giant here is that he’s 26 years old. Bobby implies that Giant might be able to reach Andre’s undefeated streak. Dude, seriously? Greene tries a comeback and a headbutt stops that cold. After a brief thing on the floor Greene hits a forearm off the top and goes after the knee. He charges out of the corner into the chokeslam though and we’re done.

 

Rating: C+. This grade isn’t the same as I would use for a regular wrestling match. This was a wrestler vs. a football player and considering that, this was pretty good actually. Greene wasn’t supposed to be anything special and he was trying, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Nothing great mind you, but all things considered this was fine.

 

Hennig says he can beat Goldberg.

 

We recap Malenko losing his title shot after Jericho cost him a match and then implied that Dean’s dad slept around and that his mother was a w****.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. ???

 

Jericho doesn’t know who he’s facing and he comes out in a top hat with a cane and does a softshoe routine. JJ Dillon comes out and makes the match. Apparently it’s with a local kid that hasn’t wrestled in six months. It’s also No DQ still which was to be the stipulation with Malenko.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Rey takes over to start and is more muscular than he used to be. After a bit on the floor, Jericho gets a shot to the knee back in the ring. Jericho has apparently had enough and goes up to the set, more or less ending the interesting part of the match. They fight up a lifeguard chair and Rey dives onto Jericho on the sand. Back to the ring and Jericho gets a nice powerslam off the top (called a top rope powerslam by Tony. Wait that was correct. I need a minute to recover from that one).

 

Jericho tries to Pillmanize the leg but Rey moves, sending Jericho crashing into the chair. Rey swings away at it and dropkicks it into the knee. Jericho is in trouble all of a sudden and a facejam looks to set up the West Coast Pop. Liontamer is blocked and Rey gets to the ropes. Here comes Malenko as Jericho tries the Liontamer again. Rey rolls through for the pin and the title. Note here that Malenko DID NOT TOUCH JERICHO. He wasn’t in the ring, he wasn’t within 20 feet of the ring.

 

Rating: C-. Not much here at all but the opening was good. After that the whole thing changed and given that the match was only about six minutes long, I’m not sure what was going on here. Rey didn’t look completely comfortable on the knee so maybe that was it. Also, the reason to note Dean’s lack of involvement was the title would be returned to Jericho the next night due to Dean’s “interference”.

 

Malenko and Jericho fight to the back as Jericho tries to escape.

 

TV Title: Bret Hart vs. Booker T

 

Bret still hasn’t really done anything so let’s take that big acquisition and put him in the lower midcard and in the NWO. You know, because he’s just another guy. Booker is champion if that wasn’t clear. They head to the mat and Bret comes out ahead there. Booker gets a cross body for two. Bret is sent to the floor and is in trouble already. He does manage to take over on the floor and takes over back inside.

 

Booker is still in trouble as they go outside. He goes into the railing and Bret rams his back into the post which isn’t a DQ somehow. Five Moves of Doom get some two counts. This is really boring. Booker tries his Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner but botches it badly. Booker gets a kick to put Bret down and follows it up with the axe kick and Bret is down. There’s a flapjack and Booker spins up. Missile dropkick gets two. And never mind as Bret hits Booker with a chair for a DQ. Give me a break.

 

Rating: D-. Just a really boring match here as Bret continues to be totally wasted. I mean seriously, Booker T is good but at this point he should have bowed down to Bret and thanked him for beating him for the TV Title. Bret would FINALLY get something a few weeks later, winning the vacant US Title. Still though, this was really bad and the ending hurt it horribly.

 

Bret destroys the knee until Stevie walks out and tells him to stop.

 

Video on Goldberg who won the title six days ago. Also Hall got destroyed earlier in the night. The video makes it look like Goldberg squashed Hall in about 9 seconds. I still can’t believe they just had Goldberg beat Hogan on 4 days’ notice for the title on free TV. But hey, they managed to beat Raw for one night. Who cares that it would have brought in hundreds of thousands of buys and millions of dollars on PPV?

 

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

 

This was added during the week, probably on Thunder. Hennig of course bounces around like a pinball. Goldberg tries his rolling leg lock and messes it up so Curt hits the floor. He tries to go up top and that totally fails. Hennig tries to go after the leg and spends a minute or so doing that as the fans chant for the champion. This time Goldberg manages to get the leg lock but walks into the Perfectplex for two. Spear and Jackhammer end this maybe a second later.

 

Rating: D. Just a squash here which isn’t what is supposed to happen on a PPV in a world title match. It wasn’t anything we hadn’t seen a hundred times (literally) before. Goldberg would mow through everyone until the idiocy of Halloween Havoc and the further idiocy of Starrcade. Nothing match here that wasn’t even four minutes long.

 

We recap the main event. Basically WCW decided to bring in celebrities for the sake of bringing in celebrities, making the main event wrestler/NBA player vs. wrestler/NBA player. Allegedly Rodman wasn’t seen until a few hours before show time and was in no condition to perform here. Did I mention this match is going to have half an hour to fill?

 

Hulk Hogan/Dennis Rodman vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone

 

I actually watched this show when it aired with a buddy of mine and he said it looked like Malone and Page jumped into a vat of glue with their jeans on. I think he’s onto something with that theory. For some reason the heels’ music changes from Voodoo Child to the traditional NWO song halfway through their entrance. Malone comes out to some bad rap song. Dang he has long arms.

 

The basketball players start us off and it’s time to stall. Minute and a half of no contact yet. Test of strength is teased but Malone slaps Rodman’s hand away. It was Malone’s idea mind you. Two minutes in now and no real contact. They lock up and Rodman grabs a headlock. And never mind as we need to stall some more as Rodman goes to the floor. 2:45 in now with a headlock being all the contact. The world title match was 3:50. Off to Hogan vs. Malone and they have a pose off. Test of strength is teased….and doesn’t happen.

 

This match is officially longer than the world title match and we’ve had a total of one headlock. I actually want to see how far they can take this. At 4:12, they lock up. Malone puts on a hold that I don’t have an actual name for. It’s kind of like a headlock I guess. Picture a guy setting for a left armed Rock Bottom and clasping his arms around and kind of holding them there. Malone slams him (not bad) and it’s off to Page. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see DDP in a match.

 

Page of course wants Rodman because we haven’t been bored enough yet. They lock up and it’s time to stall AGAIN. The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them. We’re at 6:00 now and here’s what’s happened so far: headlock, tieup, that hold Malone did, slam and another tieup. Seriously, NOTHING ELSE HAS HAPPENED. Jericho vs. Mysterio was 6:00 and it was bad, but at least it was a match.

 

They tieup again and Page shoves him off again. Page and Rodman spit at each other as we add an “armdrag” to the list of what’s gone on. This is now longer than Giant vs. Greene. The announcers freak and Hogan struts on the apron. Page grabs a headlock and even Tony is saying this is something of note finally. They collide and Rodman goes down. Another lockup and Rodman puts on headlock #4 as we hit the 8:00 mark.

 

We now see why Rodman is either drunk, high, or just awful at this. Rodman has a headlock on and Page tries to shoot him into the ropes. That’s a counter that I’m sure you’ve seen hundreds of times. Nothing special about it and perfectly normal. Rodman falls down and pulls Page with him, resulting in Page getting a two count. This is just embarrassing at this point. Actually it was embarrassing five minutes ago.

 

Page now with a head/chin lock and gets sent into the ropes. Rodman rams him with a shoulder block….and falls forward, allowing Page to get two again. Fans are openly booing now as Malone comes in. Rodman never gets up and tags Hogan. Hogan puts on a top wristlock which is shrugged off by Malone. Malone obviously isn’t skilled, but he’s trying and is fired up out there, which is really all you can ask for.

 

We’re over ten minutes in now and somehow that’s not even halfway through. Rodman actually does something as he hits a double axe to Malone to give Hulk the advantage. Hogan chokes a lot as you have to wonder why DDP vs. Hogan hasn’t gotten more time. I mean, they actually, know how to wrestle and such. Hogan slams him and drops some elbows. Back to Rodman who looks sleepy.

 

Rodman rams Malone into Hogan’s boot and it’s back to Hulk. Malone’s selling is pretty good actually. Off to a chinlock for a bit and Rodman comes in to hold Malone. Hogan punches Malone and Rodman falls down. Belly to back to Malone with Hogan making sure to be as careful as possible. Malone finally gets the hot tag to Page and he comes in off the top with a clothesline.

 

Things wake up for about 15 seconds until Rodman knees him in the back to let Hulk take over again. There’s the weightlifting belt to Page’s back. This is so boring it’s unreal. Double clothesline puts Page down. Hogan chokes him in the corner as we’re finally in a regular match with more than a move every three minutes. And never mind as that’s enough for Hogan so it’s off to Dennis again.

 

The heels seem like they don’t want to stay in the ring at all. Hogan suplexes Page and it’s back to The Worm. The fans chant for Page who at least fights back. Rodman puts a front chancery on as Malone plays cheerleader. The heels switch without a tag and the legdrop misses. Off to Malone who does some very basic stuff but does it well enough, all things considered. Double noggin knocker puts the heels down.

 

Malone hits a big boot and it’s not bad at all. Off to Page again and there’s the Diamond Cutter to FINALLY wake the crowd up. Malone hits what is supposed to be a Diamond Cutter on Rodman but was more like he grabbed Rodman’s shirt and pulled him down with it. The referee has to get Malone out so Disciple comes in to hit a Stunner on Page for Hogan to get the cheap pin.

 

Rating: N. As in no or not acceptable. This was the match that the show was sold on and it was atrocious. The idea of putting celebrities in the main event, even athletic ones, is stupid for one simple reason: they can’t wrestle. They’re not trained to do it and they don’t know how to do it.

 

Having Malone and Rodman as seconds or enforcers or whatever while Page and Hogan have a match is fine, but having like 8 minutes of stalling because they don’t know what to do isn’t fine. This is on WCW, not Rodman who at least showed something resembling interest (despite failing completely) and Malone who was trying. Horrible, HORRIBLE main event and match in general.

 

Malone hits a much better Diamond Cutter on Disciple post match. The referee gets one too as the NWO celebrates.

 

Overall Rating: D-. This is a fine example of how short term thinking can mess up a whole show. This was all messed up because the two big matches, as in the world title and main event, were either bad or really short due to the booking being changed or stupid from the beginning. The rest of the card is just your run of the mill WCW show which means it’s mostly weak with a good match sprinkled in here or there. Overall though this felt awful and like a nothing show, which isn’t good. Somehow it would get even worse next month with Hogan/Bischoff vs. DDP/Jay Leno. We’ll get to that later.
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