Monday Nitro #265
Date: November 6, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s a new month for Nitro and hopefully things stay on the good path that Thunder put WCW on. The big story is Scott Steiner vs. Booker T. for the World Title in a few weeks at Mayhem but unfortunately we have a lot of TV left for them to screw up. We also have a new boss in Ric Flair, who wasn’t even on Thunder. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap focuses on Ric Flair returning and the Stasiak turn, followed by Steiner vs. Booker.

Earlier today, Midajah distracted an arriving Sting (head to toe in red) so Steiner could attack him. Buff Bagwell made the save.

The Thrillers talk about putting Jeff Jarrett in a tag match for no apparent reason.

Here’s Lex Luger, the hometown boy, to open things up. Instead of getting in the ring he goes over the announcers’ table and asks Mark Madden to stand up. Apparently Madden insulted Luger’s body last week despite being in horrible condition and having no business to talk about anyone. That’s about it, save for the other announcers ripping on Madden a little bit.

Luger gets inside and talks about all the big names that have been around this company over the years before getting to Goldberg. That Streak isn’t happening again because someone like Luger isn’t going to let that happen. They’ll be meeting at Mayhem and that Streak is already going to be history.

It also seems that Goldberg has been working on a book for eighteen months. Now after Luger got over the shock of finding out that he meant writing it, he was lucky enough to get his hands on a chapter. Lex calls up one of the writers from WCW Magazine, who says there’s nothing in the magazine about Luger himself. As you would expect, Luger beats the guy down and racks him. I get the idea here but Luger wasn’t exactly the best talker.

Goldberg arrives.

The guy from WCW Magazine was taken away on a stretcher.

Nash and the Thrillers look through Goldberg’s book before saying the Thrillers are now down a member. That makes them a better team though because Stasiak was making a bunch of crazy statements like wanting to be a World Champion. You know who should be a champion? Kevin Nash, who wants Booker tonight. Stasiak comes in and begs to be on the team again but is brushed off. He promises to be there for the team tonight.

Lance Storm vs. Kwee Wee

Before the match, Storm tells us to not vote because we all lose due to being Americans. Madden thinks Storm won’t want to fight Kwee Wee due to all the glitter. Tony almost calls Ric Flair the WWF CEO because he’d rather work for the other company too. Storm jumps Kwee Wee during the entrance as Paisley is on commentary. They get inside with Kwee Wee hitting a high cross body for two, followed by a tilt-a-whirl into a reverse sitout powerbomb for the same. A quick spinebuster sets up the Maple Leaf to make Kwee Wee tap.

Post match the Canadians keep the hold on so Paisley calls out Code Blue. This apparently means Meng who comes out for the save. Now wouldn’t Meng have been a more interesting option than Rection over and over?

Goldberg is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow tonight and isn’t worried about Luger either. Cue Luger to list off his resume but it’s a ruse for Bigelow to attack.

Now we get to another sad moment on the show as Tony brings up Battledome. What’s Battledome you ask? It’s an American Gladiators ripoff with WWF elements added including characters and storylines etc (along with Terry Crews as one of the Warriors). It was a pretty low budget show but I always had a good time with it, albeit partially because I was twelve years old. The idea of putting it together with wrestling was awesome at the time but looking back now it’s just sad.

Anyway Tony and company talk about how lame it is that the Battledome guys are to challenge WCW wrestlers to a fight. This led to a brawl on Battledome with Diamond Dallas Page and Cat with Page stealing their Warriors title belt (yeah they had a title belt) and spitting on it. This is actually worse than I remember.

Hardcore Title: Shawn Stasiak vs. Reno

Reno is defending and I suppose this is Stasiak’s punishment. Just like last week on Thunder, there’s no opponent for Stasiak though as we see Reno down in the back. Apparently Reno is still champion though because it wasn’t a pinfall or a submission.

Nash and the Thrillers look at Reno, who says more than one person was behind this.

Here’s Ric Flair with something to say. Flair sucks up to the Chicago crowd and says it’s time to change this company for the better. As for Mayhem, we’ll be seeing Rection vs. Storm for the US Title for the last time, along with Goldberg vs. Lex Luger. That only leaves Flair with the World Title and it doesn’t matter if it’s Scott Steiner or Booker T. because both of them will be walking into a cage at Mayhem. However, Steiner needs to behave himself better because it’s time to be a man around here.

Cue Steiner to get right in Flair’s face and grab him by the lapel. This brings out Booker to clean house in very short order. Steiner is taken out so Flair makes the cage match a straitjacket cage match, meaning a straitjacket is above the ring though you still win by pinfall or submission. Flair still isn’t done yet though and says if Steiner touches any non-wrestler, he’s out of this company.

Jimmy Hart has gotten some responses from various DJ’s for his fight. As soon as he says Howard Stern, it’s clear that this isn’t exactly on the up and up. Mancow comes in (Wearing a Creed shirt. Yeah there are going to be jokes but I was a fan.) because this is STILL a thing. A fight nearly breaks out with Mancow running his mouth until 3 Count comes in to beat him down.

Tag Team Titles: Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire vs. 3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

Jindrak/O’Haire are defending against Moore/Helms and Yang/Hayashi respectfully. The challengers all brawl to start but the champs him the ring and start cleaning house. They stop to pose though and Hayashi slingshots in with a DDT while Yang comes off the top with a good looking headscissors. Now it’s Jindrak and O’Haire getting double teamed in a smart move from two teams that can’t stand each other.

Yang stops a comeback with a double poke to the eyes as the champs bail to the floor. They’re in good enough shape to catch the Dragons as they come over the top, including the beal from the floor on Yang. Helms gives Jindrak the Nightmare on Helms Street (Final Cut) but Evan Karagias runs in for the save. O’Haire comes off the top with the Seanton Bomb to give Jindrak the easy pin.

Rating: C+. This is easily the highlight of the week time after time and most of it is because they’re just letting the people do their thing. It’s very similar to what the cruiserweights did back in the day: have meaningless matches to pop the crowd before everyone else screws things up.

Post match the Battledome Warriors appear (off camera that is) to yell at Jindrak and O’Haire. At the same time the unmasked Jamie-San comes in and chairs the Dragons. Jamie and Evan stare each other down.

Diamond Dallas Page is back after several months away and Hudson is WAY too excited. Page talks about having a non-televised match about four months against WCW World Champion Booker T. It was that moment that he realized how negative a person he’d become. Then he heard the crowd popping louder than they have in a long time and it made him realize how happy he is with this job and this life. Now he’s back to have the time of his life thanks to a call from Flair.

Page says he’s back and does the usual celebrating but he stops to yell at the Battledome guys. He calls out some boys from the back so here are Buff Bagwell, Cat and Rick Steiner for a showdown. All of them talk trash and a brawl breaks out. This would lead to Steiner showing up on Battledome to compete in a game.

Stasiak says he had nothing to do with attacking Reno.

Buff Bagwell/Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner

Jeff and Buff get things going as the announcers get on Madden for suggesting that Steiner could kill a fan. Bagwell gets in a quick swinging neckbreaker and it’s off to Sting vs. Steiner. A belly to belly suplex sends Sting flying and the heels take over with Jeff coming in for a middle rope elbow. It’s already back to Steiner to crank on Sting’s arms as they’re certainly not going anything beyond average so far.

Jeff gets caught in a sunset flip with Buff adding in a right hand to knock him backwards, only to have Steiner take over again. A DDT on Scott allows the hot tag to Bagwell and everything breaks down. Sting and Jarrett fight to the floor as Buff gets in a Blockbuster on Steiner, only to eat a guitar shot. The Recliner puts Bagwell away.

Rating: D+. It’s your standard main event tag formula but of course the match was short and had a weapon spot because it’s not like this was something that could have gone through clean. Bagwell not being on this level didn’t do him any favors either but I’m really not sure why Sting and Jarrett are STILL fighting. Isn’t that story done yet?

US Title: Alex Wright vs. General Rection

Wright is challenging and Lance Storm is on commentary. Before the match, Wright speaks German and Disco gives a questionable translation though there’s no big punchline at the end. Rection takes him into the corner before catching a charge in a powerslam. The fans sound like they want to see Gunns’ puppies as Rection gets two off a legdrop. Madden: “Legdrop never wins anymore.”

Wright gets in a spinwheel kick to take over but it’s time for dancing. An impressive slam sets up a Vader bomb for two on the champ and a top rope stomp (might have been a botch) gets the same. Disco tries to get in a chair shot so here’s the MIA for the save. A splash in the corner sets up No Laughing Matter to retain Rection’s title.

Rating: D. Rection really isn’t very good. They’re trying something with the US Title push but there comes a point where that’s not going to get you far enough. Wright was a good challenger but at the end of the day, there’s only so much you can do with what you’re being given.

Jim Duggan says America sucks because it doesn’t work.

Booker will defend against Kevin Nash tonight but he’s also ready for Mayhem.

Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

We get the full Goldberg entrance and his right leg is heavily taped. Bigelow is right on him to start with an early splash as Madden thinks the taped leg might be injured. He’s not sure of course. Cue Luger as Goldberg is in trouble early on. A single right hand sends Bigelow flying across the ring but a Luger distraction lets Bam Bam get in a belly to back. There’s the top rope headbutt for two so Goldberg pops up for the two moves and the pin.

We come back from a break with Steiner ranting a lot before joining commentary for the main event.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Booker T.

Nash is challenging of course. Feeling out process to start with Nash getting the better of it off those big right hands to the head. They head outside for more punches before Booker gets in a chair shot to take over. Well that’s pretty heelish. Nash doesn’t bother selling it anyway though and kicks the champ in the face for two. Booker fights up again and gets the ax kick, only to have another kick hit the referee by mistake. Cue Shawn Stasiak with brass knuckles to knock Booker out but then he knocks Nash out too (duh), giving Booker the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. Just a bunch of punches and kicks before all the screwy stuff that makes sure they both look equally weak. Booker is turning into a lame duck champion in a hurry as he hasn’t looked strong in weeks. If you don’t want your champion to be strong, it’s probably time to find a new champion. Then again they haven’t exactly been going out of their way to hide what Steiner is getting at the pay per view.

Steiner grabs Booker to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Well it didn’t suck and that’s a step in the right direction for WCW. There isn’t much to say here as we’re coming up on Mayhem and the shows aren’t looking great but at least they’re coherent and seemingly going somewhere. It should probably be Goldberg vs. Steiner for the title at Starrcade (which is next month) but that stupid Streak thing is getting in their way. If only there was a way to change things in wrestling with almost no ramifications. Anyway, another not awful show here and that’s an improvement.

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Monday Nitro #170
Date: January 4, 1999
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 38,809
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

We had to get here eventually. This is the show that a lot of people people credit with putting WCW down a hole that it was never going to get out of. The main event here is Goldberg vs. Nash II for Nash’s World Title, but the major story coming out of last week is Flair winning control of the company for 90 days by defeating Eric Bischoff. I’m sure that will go perfectly smoothly. Let’s get to it.

We open with dramatic clips from Goldberg vs. Nash at Starrcade.

Nitro Girls in the ring and we get balloons and confetti.

There’s a Nitro Party in a suite.

Hogan is here tonight.

Glacier vs. Hugh Morrus

The announcers go on about the end of last week’s show and explain why Savage would want to hurt Bischoff (Bischoff helped the NWO destroy Savage’s knee in a cage last year). Glacier’s now in a shorter singlet and the look really doesn’t work. Morrus throws him down to start until Glacier cranks on the arm to take over. Hugh grabs a powerslam and both guys are down. Glacier legsweeps him down but gets leveled with a clothesline, setting up No Laughing Matter to give Morrus the pin. Not long enough to rate but a nice return for Morrus after a few months off.

The announcers talk about Flair a bit more.

Opening sequence, finally with some new video.

Arn Anderson, Ric Flair and the Flair Family walk from the parking lot into the arena. A lot of the backstage workers applaud Flair on the way to the ring. They finally make it to the ring with Benoit, Mongo and Malenko joining Anderson and the Flairs. Ric talks about Eric Bischoff ruining this company but it still being the greatest wrestling company in the world. The people have been asking what Flair is going to do to Bischoff on his first night. Flair tells Eric to get out here right now to talk to the boss.

An angry Bischoff gets in the ring and Flair says the shoes are on different feet tonight. Flair talks about Eric insulting him over the years on commentary and running down Ric’s career. The easy thing would be for Flair to just fire Bischoff, but that wouldn’t be fun. Instead, Bischoff is going to be working under Tony Schiavone and doing commentary. Also since Bischoff won’t be visible on commentary, his pay is cut in half. Next up for Flair is referee Randy Anderson. Randy, stricken with cancer, was fired by Bischoff about two years ago. Flair calls him to the ring and offers him his job back at double the salary.

With Flair still in the ring, Tony walks Bischoff through the segment list. Bischoff’s disgusted reply is amusing. This leaves Flair with his first match to make. He’ll start with Souled Out, where he’s booking himself into a handicap match with Barry Windham and Curt Hennig. David Flair steps up and asks to be his father’s partner in the match. Ric says David isn’t ready but Arn says David knows what he’s doing.

Booker T. vs. Emery Hale

The needling continues with Tony telling Eric to jump in at any time. Hale jumps Booker to start and stomps away in the corner, only to charge into a spinebuster. The side kick sets up the missile dropkick and Hale is done in less than 90 seconds. Eric still hasn’t talked other than one sentence.

Nitro Girls.

Bischoff is looking away with his feet on the desk. Tony: “Don’t make me file a report with Mr. Flair.

Norman Smiley vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo fires off chops to start and dropkicks Norman out to the floor. Eric still won’t talk. Back in and Norman runs Chavo over but stops to glare at Pepe. A World’s Strongest Slam gets two on Guerrero but he comes back with a few rollups for two each. The Big Wiggle allows Chavo to dropkick him down and now Chavo dances some as well. Chavo botches a springboard and then slightly botches a rollup for two. Back up and Guerrero grabs a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was just there for background noise as Chavo is still doing the same stuff he’s done for months now. Smiley is still over but I’m not sure why you would have him lose a match like this. I mean, this man was on Starrcade! Nothing to see here but it’s the first hour of Nitro so what do you expect?

Norman beats up Chavo and breaks Pepe’s head off to turn into a serious heel rather than a goofy one.

Chris Benoit vs. Horace Hogan

Benoit gets a jobber’s entrance. Horace gets beaten down in the corner but comes back with a running clothesline. Another clothesline misses and Benoit rolls some Germans as Tony threatens to demote Eric to the international broadcasts. Horace throws Benoit out to the floor and drives him into the barricade in a nice crash.

Back in and a clothesline gets two for Horace before Tony rubs it in that Randy Anderson is referee. Horace goes up but gets superplexed down. The Swan Dive connects but Benoit is holding his head instead of covering. Horace gets two off a shoulder breaker but his suplex is countered into the Crossface to give Benoit the win.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match in the world and it’s nice to see Benoit survive until the end. Horace wasn’t terrible as a big guy for roles like this and the match worked well enough. That Swan Dive continues to make me cringe though as Benoit’s head just smacked off Horace.

And now it begins. Goldberg is arrested for charges that aren’t explained yet. He goes on a rant about all the good things he does for this community. Goldberg talks more here than he has in his entire time in the company. No charge is ever mentioned but he eventually goes “downtown.”

After a break, Goldberg is taken to a police car. Nash says this can’t happen because they have a match tonight. Hogan shows up and laughs, saying he’s an honest man and calling Goldberg guilty. He’ll appreciate Nash’s vote too. As he walks by, Liz is seen talking to cops.

Perry Saturn vs. Chris Jericho

Feeling out process to start with Saturn slapping Jericho in the face. Referee Scott Dickinson, who has been having issues with Saturn lately, yells at Saturn about throwing a punch. They trade wristlocks with Saturn getting the better of it before heading to the corner. A release overhead belly to belly sends Jericho flying and Saturn fires off kicks in the corner.

Saturn goes to the apron and Jericho nails the springboard dropkick to send him out to the floor. Chris does the long strides but there’s nowhere near as much energy to it. We take a break and come back with Jericho nailing a belly to back suplex followed by its vertical cousin for an arrogant two. Satur’s Death Valley Driver doesn’t work but a t-bone suplex gets two on Jericho. The referee gets hit in the jaw by mistake before Jericho pulls him in the way of a diving Saturn. A low blow and the Lionsault sets up the Liontamer but Dickinson calls for the bell before Jericho turns him over. Jericho wins.

Rating: C-. This corrupt referee nonsense is getting annoying in a hurry, just like Saturn getting beaten all the time. Jericho knew he was leaving at this point and it was clear that he didn’t have the same energy. He’s still doing his old standards but a lot of them are really lackluster.

We go to the police precinct, which Tony points out “is across the street at the CNN Center.” Remember that as it becomes important later. They’ll be in room three as the cameras are already waiting for them. Apparently Goldberg is being charged with aggravated stalking by Elizabeth Lebetski, more commonly known as Miss Elizabeth. Goldberg knows the cop and tells him to do his job because the cop knows this is bogus. I believe the charges were originally going to be rape but Goldberg refused to do it.

Nitro Girls. Larry gets in a good line about how these are real women, as opposed to Liz who has tried to be a Miss five times now.

Back to the Nitro Party where we’ve got thumb wrestling. Like as a featured event. A JAIL BREAK chant starts up.

We go back to the station where Liz is being interviewed. She says Goldberg last confronted her at the water cooler. Liz says she’s filed three reports already because Goldberg has been at every show she’s been at, at the hotels and at the gym. Again, this is more talking than she’s ever done in WCW. The detective goes off to talk with his partner.

Here’s a long segment of an LWO party with low riders, a lot of women and Eddie running things. They head inside for dancing to mariachi dancing and Eddie says he’s on top of the Latino world. Now there’s a card game with Eddie trading cards with other LWO members to win. Eddie says they’re united together and that’s about it. This ran nearly four minutes.

Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Psychosis/Juventud Guerrera

Tornado match. Well in name only as they start with tags. Psychosis nails an early backbreaker on Kidman before it’s off to Juvy who gets dropkicked a few times. Off to Rey for a nice top rope hurricanrana before he throws Juvy at Kidman for the sitout powerbomb. Rey pulls Juvy out to the floor but Psychosis gets in a shot of his own, setting up a slingshot legdrop to the floor to crush Rey.

Back in and Psychosis nails a top rope ax handle as Heenan asks Bischoff if he remembers calling the early shows with Mongo. Tony promises to deliver the World Title match they advertised. Juvy hits a backbreaker of his own on Mysterio before it’s back to Psychosis who gets dropkicked out of the air.

Everything breaks down which Tony says is perfectly legal. Kidman and Mysterio clothesline the LWO outside for big planchas off the top. Back in and a springboard Doomsday Device of all things gets two on Psychosis but Juvy comes back with the Driver for two on Mysterio. Everything breaks down again and Kidman’s missile dropkick accidentally hits Rey, allowing Psychosis to hit the guillotine legdrop for the pin on the masked man.

Rating: C+. This was the fun you expect from these kind of matches, but the tornado stuff was some combination of unnecessary and confusing. The referee and wrestlers didn’t seem to know it was under tornado rules but Tony kept insisting it was. It’s interesting to see some drama between Rey and Kidman as a match between the two could be awesome.

Goldberg has an explanation for why he’s always at the same places Elizabeth: they work for the same company and she’s a member of the gym he owns. The fact that they work together comes as a surprise to the detective.

Here’s Nash to address the Goldberg situation. He doesn’t think he beat Goldberg at Starrcade because Goldberg got screwed that night. Nash doesn’t buy the stories Liz is telling and thinks Hogan is behind it. Therefore, Nash wants Hogan tonight as a warmup for later tonight when he fights Goldberg. Flair comes out and says if Goldberg can’t make the match, Hogan can take his place.

Video on Goldberg vs. Nash.

Liz tells the original detective’s partner the story but the details are different (Coke machine instead of water cooler). The original detective comes back in. Goldberg calls her all the time but hangs up before anything is said. The detectives don’t ask how she knows it’s him and Liz rants about being the victim.

Here’s Hogan in a black suit with something to say. Hogan says the wrestling world still revolves around him but he came here to announce his retirement. He’s also going to announce his running mate but seeing Goldberg made him sick. Hogan thinks he owes the fans a retirement match so he’ll give them one tonight. Gene says the match would be a title match so Hogan agrees.

Schiavone: “Fans, if you’re even thinking about changing the channel to our competition, fans do not. We understand that Mick Foley, who wrestled here one time as Cactus Jack, is going to win their World Title.”

I get the idea WCW was going for with this line and the idea makes sense to a degree, but when you think about it there’s much more potential for harm than good. On the other hand, giving away results worked for WCW in the past so it’s logical to do it again, even in very different circumstances. The idea of one show being taped as opposed to live doesn’t make much of a difference to me though. A show being live or taped doesn’t matter if the show is still horrible.

We get a clip of Jericho praising Scott Dickinson earlier in the day and saying a wrestler should never touch a referee. Jericho says Saturn should get disqualified if he ever touches Dickinson again. Was this really necessary?

TV Title: Scott Steiner vs. Konnan

Both name graphics say Television Champion even though Scott is defending. Before the match, Buff dances a bit and fakes a heart attack to mock Flair. Konnan starts fast but gets taken down by a single forearm to the back. Some right hands in the corner and a clothesline put Steiner down and the fight heads to the floor. Tony repeats the Cactus Jack line and actually says HA HA at the thought of Foley winning the title.

Buff gets in some cheap shots on the floor before Scott stomps on Konnan’s head back inside. The announcers spend about half the match talking about how Bischoff isn’t going to say anything and about the Goldberg issues. Konnan comes back with a tornado DDT (looked more like he was trying a small package) before missing the rolling lariat and botching the X-Factor. Bagwell comes in for the DQ before the Sunrise can go on.

Rating: F. They botched a bunch of spots, I had to listen to unfunny jabs at Bischoff, and the HA HA line. Terrible match with commentary making it even worse.

Post match Konnan gets beaten down with a chair.

The announcers talk about the Goldberg situation. Tony again mentions that the precinct is across the street. Eric: “Goldberg is jail bait.”

Wrath comes out and actually grabs a mic. He’s been destroying people for six months and wants anyone in the back to come out here and take a beating.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Wrath

They stare each other down to start with Wrath’s shots only having a limited effect. A running clothesline puts Bigelow down but he low bridges Wrath to the floor. They head back inside with Bigelow nailing some elbows to the back of the head. Outside again with Wrath taking over with knees to the ribs. Bigelow sends him into the barricade and back into the ring before grabbing a chair. The referee moves the chair and the distraction lets Wrath nail a backdrop. They head outside for the third time and the referee goes down, causing him to throw the match out.

Rating: D+. Take two guys and let them beat each other up for awhile. It was barely a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s nice to see Wrath get to hang with someone of Bigelow’s caliber, even though this is a demotion for Bigelow. At least they dropped the idea of him not being on the roster.

They brawl to the back.

Back and the precinct, the detectives start poking holes in Liz’s story as she can’t remember details. The fact that she can’t remember the difference between water and Coke (or Pepsi, which she said she got out of a Coke machine), says a lot about Liz’s abilities. She keeps looking at her watch as she gets the color of Goldberg’s tights wrong. They threaten to charge her with perjury and Liz realizes she had the wrong wrestler.

Tony is aghast at these developments.

We’ve got roughly forty minutes left in the broadcast for Goldberg to get back to the arena.

Nitro Girls.

Bischoff waves to the camera as the announcers talk about the World Title match later tonight. Bobby says Goldberg will come to the arena without his clothes if need be.

Brian Adams vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Anderson calls for the bell, starts counting Adams on the floor, then calls for the bell again to start the match. Adams hides in the corner to start but Page hammers away with rights and lefts. Brian bails to the floor so Page dives over the top rope to take out both Adams and Vincent. There’s barely any selling though as Adams stomps away back inside to take over.

We come back from a break with Page fighting out of a chinlock as Tony brags about it being live again. A swinging neckbreaker puts Adams down but Brian nails a low blow in the corner to stop Page cold. We hit a bearhug and Eric says “by golly” for no apparent reason. Adams gets two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Page grabs his running DDT to put both guys down. Page nails a quick clothesline and goes to the middle rope for a jumping Diamond Cutter and the pin.

Rating: C. The ending looked good but could have looked great had they stuck the landing (Page partially landed on his legs instead of his back but it was fine). Adams is good int his role as he has a few good powre moves and seems like a moderately difficult dragon for a hero to slay.

Goldberg is released from custody as we go to a break. We’ve got roughly twenty minutes left in the show and he made it from the arena to the station in less than ten minutes by car earlier.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Hollywood Hogan

Nash is defending of course. Hogan is in street clothes and has Scott Steiner with him. Nash counters with Scott Hall, whose actions at Starrcade are apparently forgiven. The bell rings, Nash rips his shirt off, Hogan circles him for a bit, Nash says bring it and shoves Hogan into the corner, and the finger to the chest gives Hogan the title at 1:40.

Goldberg arrives less than 30 seconds later as Bischoff is already gloating. That’s not terrible as far as him getting back to the arena in a reasonable time. Goldberg hits the ring and kicks down everyone not named Hogan. Some of the weakest belt shots ever have Goldberg on one knee but he’s right back up to spear (almost zero impact) Hogan down. Luger comes out to break up the Jackhammer and the huge beatdown is on. Goldberg gets put in the Rack before being cuffed to the ropes.

Hall busts out the shock stick to jab into Goldberg’s side (with Bischoff providing sound effects). Goldberg gets the red spray paint treatment on his back and black on his head. Hogan spray paints a red NWO on the belt to close the show. Tony in a defeated voice: “They’re back together. Again.”

Overall Rating: D+. That’s omitting the big angle. This show just wasn’t very good for the most part with the usual array of boring Nitro matches that either meant anything or were nothing we hadn’t seen before. As usual the cruiserweight match was good but with Eddie being gone, it really doesn’t mean anything. This was far more boring than bad.

Then there’s the moment that people still talk about over fifteen years later. The idea of having Goldberg have to run through a bunch of opponents to get the title back is a good idea. Unfortunately, that’s about the extent of the good to this story. Let’s look at this one item at a time.

1. Why did Nash do this? He won the title fairly (remember that Starrcade was No DQ) and had the belt free and clear. Out of loyalty to Hogan? A man who as far as we knew, he had split with about nine months ago? We’ll come back to this later, but for now it brings us to the first major issue with this.

2. The title looks worthless. Nash had it all to himself and then he literally handed it over to Hogan, basically saying “I don’t want this. Here you take it.” If a big star like Nash says it’s worthless, why would I want to see anyone else fight for it in the future? How do I know that they won’t just hand it off to someone they think deserves it more?

3. Back to the first point, we could assume either it’s a massive swerve and that there never was a real split or the problems between the NWO camps were hashed out somewhere in between. Either way, it makes pretty much everything since May look completely pointless. The NWO factions going to war? All patched up. The bickering and people jumping from team to team? Doesn’t matter. Nash talking about how the Red and Black is forever and the Black and White was just for life? Nothing more than another catchphrase. Now everything is back where it was when Savage took the title from Sting and then lost it to Hogan the next night. That brings us to possibly the biggest problem of this whole thing.

4. IT’S HOGAN AGAIN. At the end of the day, Hogan is standing tall as champion with his army around him and it’s likely going to be months before anyone can challenge him. Yeah we’ve got Flair and Goldberg on WCW’s side and one faction is done, but we’re basically back to some point in 1997 instead of going forward.

5. While it’s not directly related to the story, the Foley match getting free advertising makes things even worse. If this is just a normal week in the Monday Night Wars, you could have watched one or the other. If you see the Foley title win, it’s an emotional moment with a new star being made and probably the loudest moment ever in wrestling. On the other hand, you have WCW doing the same stuff they’ve done for years with the same people on top and the same story being set up that we spent all of the better part of two years going through. If you don’t have that comparison to make, what happens on Nitro is nowhere near as bad.

Overall, it just wasn’t a well thought out move. There’s a nice idea at the end, but the rest of the story just does not work. Hogan just wasn’t what people wanted to see again and when you combine this with Bischoff beating Flair eight days ago, it was clear that the company wasn’t interested in listening to what the people were wanting. The time for the NWO being on top had passed, but WCW decided to go back to the well again. I understand that it worked once, but it wasn’t working this time.

To answer a question that is often asked, no, this wasn’t what killed WCW. It was a moment that hurt them, but overall the company had a lot more moments to come that would hurt and ultimately kill them. An important thing to keep in mind was that Nitro had won a night in the ratings wars less than three months ago. The WWF had been in far worse shape than this at times and it was hard to tell how much more steam Austin vs. McMahon had at this point. It didn’t turn out well for WCW, but they still had a lot more chances to make a comeback in the future.

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Monday Nitro #244
Date: June 12, 2000
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 4,723
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

We’re past the Great American Bash and there are less than four weeks from Bash at the Beach. Last night’s major development was the Goldberg heel turn, which felt like nothing more than shock value for the sake of shock value. Russo has sworn revenge on Ric Flair tonight and since this show should have a bigger audience, you can almost guarantee that he’ll get what he promised. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last night’s stupidest matches, meaning the main events. Something I missed at the pay per view: Tony asks if Goldberg joining the New Blood with two minutes left in the show was the surprise.

Russo, Bischoff and Goldberg arrive. Gee I wonder if they’re going to come out and talk for ten minutes.

Scott Hudson has no shirt on because he made fun of Russo for not having a shirt on. Does it surprise anyone that we have to suffer so we can see proof that Russo has moved above Hudson in the official manliness power rankings?

Tony: “Sting was lit on fire last night. If you want to see something shocking, order the replay.”

Here are the writers for their opening victory speech. Hudson says the one constant in WCW has been Goldberg. The guy that’s had one match since December? Bischoff leads off the bragging by talking about how everyone knew Goldberg was the future. All of the old guys were worried about Goldberg not being a team player but last night Goldberg showed that he was on the right team. Goldberg was sick of the fans and all their autographs so he’s done with them.

Cue Goldberg himself for the big explanation. “Don’t ask me why. The question is why not.” Everyone in the back has been against him since day one and they got all the cheers while Goldberg was gone. Now he’s signed a deal with the devil so he gets what he wants: to stand over everyone who tried to screw him.

So yeah, their big explanation: he didn’t like backstage politics. Not “Nash and Hogan screwed me out of the title.” Not…..well really that’s one of the only storyline explanations I can think of. No instead they’re going with “people were mean to me backstage and instead of being tough and beating them up like when I made this company money, I’m going to turn heel and let the old boring guys be the heroes.” Backstage. As in not in front of the camera. As in not something the fans can easily understand. As in REALLY STUPID.

This brings out Nash who should barely be able to walk after last night. As you might expect, he saunters out with his hand in his pocket instead. Nash talks about WCW giving Goldberg everything he wants. Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair are the kind of people who made Goldberg so tonight, Nash isn’t leaving until he has Goldberg’s blood on his hands. Cops take Nash down but Russo says he wants Nash released into his custody. Russo: “I WANT RATINGS TONIGHT!” Nash vs. Goldberg is announced for later because Bash at the Beach still isn’t important.

So yeah, it’s clear they have nothing for Goldberg other than “he’s a heel now.” There’s no logical character motivation because all they have to do is say that it’s something that happened backstage or that you might have read on the internet without ever having to actually demonstrate or show anything on TV. In other words: the writers are doing whatever they can to get out of the writing.

Jarrett tells Cat that he wants Hogan tonight because Bischoff and Russo are too busy to make the match. I love that he’s finally admitting that the World Title isn’t important enough for either writer to care about.

Nash is put into a cop car until later in the night. Scott Steiner chases Russo off as Nash’s nephew watches on.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Terry Funk

Vito is defending and locks Johnny the Bull in the bathroom for no logical reason. They start brawling in the back (of course) with Funk’s going head first into a steel wall. The door rises up so Funk tries to crush Vito underneath it. Funk blasts him in the head with a chair but stops to beat up a security guard.

They keep fighting through the back with Funk using the empty water jugs to keep control. It’s time to get into the arena and they come in through the roped off section to make WCW look even worse. Funk is knocked through one of the Nitro Girl cages and off the stage through a table. Down to ringside now with Vito setting up a table and ramming Funk face first a few times. A piledriver off the apron through the table is enough to pin Funk.

Rating: D. Further proof that Bischoff didn’t need to win the title. The idea was that no one could beat Funk for the title and then the Mamalukes beat him down to give Bischoff the title, only to have Vito dominate him the next week in a rematch. Bischoff is off to another feud, making the title change last week look even more like a vanity win. If Bischoff is never going to take a beating for it, then how is it a good move for anyone but him?

Funk hands Vito the belt and shakes his hand post match. Vito blasts him with the belt to look truly evil.

Vampiro talks to someone in a cloak about Sting being gone. The man in the cloak says there are more souls to take. So we have a higher power.

Nash tells his nephew to stay with Scott Steiner. Nash: “Scotty, he’s eight years old. Keep those freaks away from him.”

Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell vs. Kronik

Shane says his partner is back tonight and they can start taking names again. Kronik beats them down to start and Adams press slams Shane. Clark comes in for the pumphandle slam but Buff makes a quick save. It’s a hot tag to Bagwell (heels, faces, who cares?) for a Blockbuster but Shane tags himself back in. Kronik cleans house and High Times ends Shane in short order.

Rating: D+. Simple story here and they break up a team that wasn’t very good in the first place. It also keeps Kronik going forward to the titles down the line while not beating anyone of consequence. I might even say that Kronik has been well booked lately, but I have a feeling the improvement is due to a lack of attention from creative.

Bagwell and Shane argue post match and Shane sucker punches him with brass knuckles.

Cat is livid that Hogan isn’t here tonight.

Kidman thinks Jarrett vs. Hogan needs a guest referee.

We see a press conference from Paisley and the Artist. From now on, he’s just the Artist. Captain Rection’s grandfather is under the table, saying he was looking for pie. THIS ISN’T FUNNY.

Cruiserweight Title: Lieutenant Loco vs. The Artist

Rection’s grandfather is with the Misfits. Rection says that his grandfather is crazy and thinks he’s in Cambodia half the time but it’s still Rection’s pop. It’s a brawl to start and Artist hammers away at the champion in the corner. A dropkick sends Artist into the corner and Major Gunns comes in for Shattered Dreams (Locked, Cocked and Loaded here) but Paisley breaks it up. Chavo’s tornado DDT retains the title.

Post match Pops has to be dragged away from Paisley. Again, THIS ISN’T FUNNY.

Flair and company arrive.

Cat is waiting on Hogan.

Russo has a group of women to do whatever Goldberg wants. Goldberg sends them off.

Hogan arrives and Cat tells him that the title match is in ten minutes. Hulk agrees but gets blindsided by a guitar shot.

Horace is unconscious in the back.

Russo and David Flair come out for a chat. David should be praised for what he did last night, but Russo is tired of being everyone’s punching bag lately. Tony: “You could remedy that by staying out of the ring.” A New Yorker doesn’t have to take that and he’s ending this with Flair tonight. Ric comes out and says he has all the cards because Russo is now 2-1. Russo’s big comeback: “I HATE YOU FLAIR!”

Ric is ready to take David back but throws out a quick challenge for a match against Russo tonight. If Russo wins, Flair is gone. If Ric wins, he takes Russo’s place as a boss, gets David back and gets to shave Russo’s hair. Russo agrees if it can be a tag match with David and Reid involved. Ric says deal.

WCW World Title: Hollywood Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending and Kidman comes out to be guest referee because that feud is still a thing. Jeff demands that Kidman count Hogan out but here’s Hollywood to start throwing punches. Hogan dominates to start and sends Jeff to the floor for some weightlifting belt shots.

Back in and Jeff punches in the corner but Kidman pulls him away. Kidman takes a chair away from Jeff on the floor and throws it to Hogan as Goldberg and Russo come out to the stage. Hogan hits the big boot and leg but Goldberg breaks it up and spears Hogan and Kidman. Goldberg Jackhammers him through a table and Jarrett spray paints him. Cue…..GI Bro for the save?

Well that was eventful. First of all, Kidman seems to have turned face, presumably for Horace turning on him last night. I don’t really get it either but that’s the story the announcers were pushing and I don’t have the strength to fight anymore. Goldberg vs. Hogan could be interesting until they have the actual match, but unless Goldberg breaks him in half and squashes him (no chance of that happening), it’s going to be a big mistake. The interesting thing here is GI Bro, who has gone from midcarder to the main event almost overnight. The military thing doesn’t fit in this role but at least the talented guy is moving up.

Here’s Diamond Dallas Page, wearing a shirt that says “whatever”, with something to say. Page has a lemon in his hand and says he’s going to put it in his beer after this is over. People have been telling him for years that he can’t do it, including starting wrestling at 35, making it to the main event and being World Champion. When he started wrestling he went up and down the roads with someone he thought was his friend, and that man was Eric Bischoff.

Cue Bischoff, Kanyon and Kimberly but Page says he couldn’t be here without his wife. Kimberly may not have believed in Page the wrestler but she believed in Page the person. Back then, Kimberly was a real woman instead of whatever she is now. Kanyon on the other hand was the one man that he ever took under his wing. He was the one person that Page taught the things his mentors (Jody Hamilton, Dusty Rhodes and Jake Roberts) taught him in the first place.

After last night though, Page doesn’t feel like getting back up again. Maybe Page was the problem, but he’s lost everything because of wrestling. If working with people like Bischoff is what that means, it’s not worth it. Page leaves through the crowd. This actually worked really well, partially because Bischoff didn’t get to say anything. Getting rid of one of the older guys, even for a little bit, could be a good thing for this promotion right now.

Then the moment is kind of wasted as the announcers do the big serious chat but Tony chuckles at Hudson for not having a shirt on.

Discussion about Sting getting burned, same problem with Hudson. If you want to see a man get burned, order the replay!

Here’s Vampiro to say no one believed he would do it last night. Sting is going to spend the rest of his life waking up from nightmares and seeing Vampiro in his dreams. More souls will be claimed.

Vampiro vs. The Demon

Demon has a torch because this is still a thing. They quickly fight to the floor and then the stage with Vampiro in control. He climbs up onto the video screen and some fire spits up from the stage. Vampiro dives down onto Demon and lands on his feet….with his knee buckling underneath him as the match is thrown out.

Steiner leaves Nash’s nephew with Shakira.

Russo is panicking about losing his hair.

Here are Kimberly and Positively Kanyon so Kimberly can debut her new perfume: Positively Me, at a cost of only $395. Kanyon says that he was recovering from his spinal cord injury (he winks), the people actually believed it. Bischoff came in and told Kanyon that all he had to do to be a star was turn on Page last night. Now though, he’s going to take everything there is he can from Page, including his moves, his music, his wife, and his book. It’s open challenge time.

Before we get to the match, we need to go over this. Last night at the pay per view, the announcers speculated that there were two possibilities:

1. Kanyon was hurt and Bischoff got inside his head.

2. Kanyon never was hurt and it was all staged.

Now you’re telling me that BOTH OF THEM HAPPENED??? Kanyon heavily implied that he faked his back injury but then said that Bischoff got in his head. So he was in the hospital, maybe not as bad as it seemed, and Bischoff got to him anyway? Or was the whole injury faked in the first place? If it was faked, why would Bischoff need to talk to him? As usual, WCW tries to make things WAY too complicated and the whole story falls apart because it doesn’t make sense.

Scott Steiner vs. Positively Kanyon

Non-title. Steiner wants to know why Kanyon is bragging about being with Kanyon when everyone has been with her. That was good. Scott throws him around to start but gets caught in a sitout Alabama Slam for two. The referee takes the Kanyon Cutter but Mike Awesome has to come in and break up the Steiner Recliner. We’ll say the match is thrown out around here. Kronik comes out for the save.

Post match the guys brawl to the back but Hancock stops Kimberly from leaving. Kimberly agrees to fight if she’ll take the glasses off, meaning it’s time for perfume to the eyes. Unfortunately they’re Kimberly’s eyes because the bottle was turned the wrong way. YOU HAD ONE JOB! Even worse: Hancock sells it and Kimberly breaks her glasses for the big triumphant moment.

Scott Steiner wants to kill Russo but Shakira has lost Nash’s nephew.

Vince Russo/David Flair vs. Ric Flair/Reid Flair

For Russo’s job, Ric’s career and hair vs. hair so Ric has hair clippers with him. Ric chops David to start and stops an interfering Russo. The chops have no effect on Russo so Ric unzips the jacket and finds a chest protector. Shouldn’t Russo have sold the chops anyway to prevent Ric from finding out? Oh wait, that isn’t what a MAN would do so Russo is fine. Ric puts David in the Figure Four but Russo blasts him with the bat.

Reid tries to make the save but David takes him down. Russo wants Beth to come in and gives her one last chance to jump on his bandwagon. He tells Beth to hit Ric with the Statue of Liberty but Russo does it instead. Vince starts choking as security fills the ring and have to hold Ashley back. David puts Ric in the Figure Four and Ric’s daughter Megan throws in the towel to give Russo and David the win. The fans are all over Russo for this and I’m sure that validates his decision.

Rating: F. Russo wins again. So he wins in the cage, he gets David completely on his side and now he gets to retire Flair and shave his head. If there is any doubt that this was all about Russo the entire time, I’d love to hear someone defend it now. The match isn’t the point here. Russo beat Ric the entire way here and won in the end with no one ever making Russo look bad. Russo wins and that’s what the entire show is about.

The fans are LIVID as David and Russo shave Ric’s hair. Oh and by the way: this is Ric’s last match in 2000. They get some of Reid’s hair too. Russo wins completely because David, who could have done THE EXACT SAME THING LAST NIGHT, is just an accessory here.

Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash

The New Blood is out with Goldberg and Nash is in street clothes. They slug it out to start and Nash knocks him out to the floor. Back in and Goldberg takes over with a superkick. Nash fights back and here’s the New Blood, allowing Goldberg to hit Nash with a chair. Goldberg hammers away as Nash’s nephew comes down to watch…..and here’s Russo to force the kid to watch.

Nash is out cold and busted open but Steiner comes in for the save. Scott beats down the cops so they go after him with billy clubs. Nash’s nephew comes in to check on Kevin as Russo hugs Goldberg to end the show. The match was thrown out at some point so no rating. I think you can guess my thoughts on it though.

Overall Rating: F. So tonight we lose Flair and probably Page for awhile and Russo stands tall. This company deserves to die with stories like this and I can’t say I would have missed them a bit if they were done the night after this show. The wrestling wasn’t a factor here of course as this was almost all about telling bad stories and trying to explain the nonsense from last night, but it only made things worse because Russo can’t tell stories. It’s only going to get worse from here as Russo and Bischoff try to make this whole thing even more about them.

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Great American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

The company is in a very bad place right now and it seems like it can only get worse. At this point the company is all about Russo and Bischoff plus a few older wrestlers who can beat up huge groups of young talent in a matter of seconds. The main event here is Nash vs. Jarrett for the title, even though Nash has given away the World Title twice in the last year and a half. Let’s get to it.

By the way, this arena is a home base for WCW. To give you an idea of what they’ve fallen to, this same arena held Superbrawl 1995 with a double main event of Hogan vs. Vader II and Savage/Sting vs. Avalanche/Big Bubba Rogers. That show drew 13,390 people, or just shy of double what this had. Randy Savage and Sting vs. Big Boss Man and Earthquake as the second biggest match on the card drew over 6,000 more people than one of WCW’s longest running shows. Amazingly enough a match where you light someone on fire didn’t draw well in an old NWA stronghold.

We open with a recap of Goldberg, who was presumably arrested after Thunder went off the air. Yeah WCW brought him back and then didn’t bother to advertise him for this show because TV is more important than pay per view.

The regular opening video focuses on Flair vs. Flair, Hogan vs. Kidman and Sting vs. Vampiro. The hype for the World Title match: “Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett will square off for the World Title.” And it’s wedged between the Sting/Vampiro and Hogan/Kidman promos.

Here are the Misfits in Action for roll call. Lieutenant Loco’s mission is to defend the Cruiserweight Title so he pulls out a grenade. Rection yells at him for playing with toys so Loco just threatens to kill the Filthy Animals if they interfere.

Cruiserweight Title: Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno

Loco starts fast with a cross body as Madden calls the Animals WCW’s resident degenerates. Disco comes back with a knee to the ribs and makes sure to mock the Misfits. That’s fine with Loco who headscissors Disco to the floor for a beatdown because the Misfits are a bunch of cheaters. Loco gets knocked to the floor and takes a beating from the Animals until the Misfits run over for the save. The Animals didn’t save Disco earlier, likely because they didn’t like him very much.

Cue Rection’s dad to hit on Tygress but Rey shoves him down, seemingly into a coma. Juvy sneaks in during the melee but misses the People’s Elbow. The distraction works though as Disco scores with the Last Dance, only to have Corporal Cajun come in with a Russian legsweep neckbreaker to give Loco the pin to retain. The referee had no issue with Cajun putting Loco on top for the pin.

Rating: D. That ending took away anything good the match had built up, which wasn’t much in the first place. There’s too much going on here for me, including the ridiculous Papa/Pops Rection (of course that’s the joke Russo is going for) stuff. The match didn’t get any time and the ending made my head hurt, making this a bad start for a show I wasn’t happy with coming in.

Post match Gunns has to give Pops mouth to mouth. In an amusing bit, he sees who is waking him up and passes out again.

Cops guarantee Bischoff that he’s safe.

The Mamalukes are ready for Kronik and argue over who is the Hardcore Champion.

If you order this show, you can get a Hulk Hogan RAFT. Yes as in an inflatable raft that you can use to float in the water. WHY DO I NOT HAVE ONE OF THOSE???

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

Winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Kronik clears the ring to start and the Mamalukes make sure to polish the Hardcore Title. Clark and Johnny start as Vito is wearing the title on the apron. A release Rock Bottom (called a uranage suplex by Hudson, which might be accurate) plants Johnny and it’s off to Vito for a double ax handle to Clark’s shoulders.

That’s about it for Vito, who is likely tired from wrestling with a metal title belt on, so it’s back to Johnny who takes a full nelson slam from Adams. A LOUD Vito Sucks chant starts up as he breaks up a cover. Either that was piped in or the fans really don’t want this match to keep going. I could believe either actually. It’s back to Vito for a running clothesline in the corner but he misses a charge to let Adams take over again.

The belt is finally ripped off and Clark throws it to the floor. Hudson calls that disrespectful but that’s probably the best treatment the thing has gotten in months. A big F5 plants Vito but he gets up at two and kicks Adams in the face. Johnny comes back in with a good looking powerslam on Clark as Vito goes over to check on the belt. Clark avoids a top rope cross body and the High Times puts Johnny away while Vito polishes the title.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here but my goodness did they really need to have the Hardcore Champions lose here? You can’t switch that back later or have another heel team in there instead? Also: it had a clean finish! Extra clean if you count Vito polishing the belt!

DDP says he has special motivation against Mike Awesome and he hopes Kimberly sticks her nose in this one.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

Ambulance match. Page wheels Kanyon out and yeah I’m sure you know what’s coming here. They slug it out to start and the referee gets decked fifteen seconds in. Both guys grab chairs and it’s time for a duel. Tony: “Like a samurai warrior!” First of all, wouldn’t it be two samurai warriors? And not in a wrestling ring? And in Japan? Awesome comes back with a clothesline and a splash as the referee is awake.

Tony thinks Awesome is going for a table. He might have been tipped off by Awesome pointing under the ring and shouting TABLE. Tony is getting better as you would have expected him to think shouting TABLE would mean it was time for two ladders and a Bastion Booger cameo. A powerbomb through the table means the EMTs come out to put Page on a stretcher and take him to the ambulance. Are the wrestlers now lazy enough that they won’t carry someone to the entrance?

Page gets up so Mike hits back to back Awesome Splashes but misses a third because two Awesome Splashes wake people up. That’s a wrestling thing in general so I can’t complain too much. Cue Kimberly with a pipe (yet another phallic weapon) to hit Page in the back. Tony: “She broke his back!” Miss Hancock comes out to take Kimberly to the back, leaving Page to hit Awesome low and Diamond Cut him off the top. That’s quite impressive for someone with a broken back.

They head to the stage with Awesome on the stretcher so here’s Bischoff to threaten Kanyon with a chair. Page makes the save and Kanyon gets out of the wheelchair to Kanyon Cut Page off the stage. He’s New Blood and puts Page on the stretcher as Bischoff’s music starts playing again. Awesome wins and they’re nice enough to play his music instead.

Rating: D. IT’S JUST SO SHOCKING! I mean, when Kimberly turned on Page at Spring Stampede, it was surprising. When Arquette turned on him at Slamboree, it was jarring. But this, the third straight pay per view where someone Page loves turns him on in a swerve that NO ONE, CERTAINLY NOT ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION AT LEAST, saw coming, it was just so shocking. Bad match of course, but that’s acceptable when something is shocking. Did I mention this was shocking? I know it’s three sentences in a row with that same idea, but if it works for turning on Page it can work for this too.

Now we get to my favorite part of a Russo show: the announcers trying to figure out what just happened. So here we have two options:

1. Bischoff talked to Kanyon in the hospital and convinced him to turn on Page, likely due to Page being a bigger star and getting Kanyon to believe that he deserved the spotlight.

2. Kanyon never was hurt and was convinced to be THROWN OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE for a big swerve because just hitting Page with a chair was too complicated.

The first one is much more logical, but I have a strong hunch that we’re going to get the second one instead because it’s a bigger swerve. Shocking you see. Always shocking.

GI Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak

Boot Camp match, which means last man standing, based on a single match on Thunder from a few weeks back. Booker repels in from the ceiling and Stasiak has camouflage paint on his face. There’s some loud screeching noise as he talks about being the perfect soldier of fortune. It sounds like a crow getting its feathers pulled out and I have no idea where it’s coming from.

They brawl in the ring and quickly head outside with Booker in control. Back in and a top rope ax handle (I think? Booker only grazed him on the side of the head.) gets five. Shawn comes back with a hot shot and a back elbow to the jaw for eight (that’s a lot so early on). A trip to the floor makes it even worse for Booker and Shawn takes him back inside for a top rope clothesline for nine.

They head into the crowd with Shawn in full control and hitting Booker in the back for our first weapon shot nine minutes into this thing. We hit a sleeper on Booker as the fans think this is very boring. The hold may be boring, but at least it gives Tony a chance to screw up his timeline by saying Stasiak and Palumbo won the titles within the last week.

Booker fights up with an Angle Slam and a Rock Bottom but here’s Palumbo with the workout bar. An ax kick puts him down but Stasiak gets in a shot with the bar. Booker clotheslines both of them down and hits Palumbo in the face with the exercise bar, which of course doesn’t even knock him out for half a second. Another shot to Shawn’s face is good for the ten count to give Booker the win.

Rating: D-. Gah they were so close to just a boring match here when they had the Tag Team Champions get beaten down by one guy. This really should have been a regular match and is a good example of a match that was hurt by the gimmick. As a regular match it would have been more acceptable (not good mind you), but as a last man standing match it’s horrible. For the life of me I don’t get the appeal of Stasiak. The guy is passable in the ring and that’s the extent of his appeal. It’s no surprise to me that he was retired by 2002 because there just wasn’t much upside to him.

A minor trivia note: clips from the previous two matches and from a recent Thunder were used in a game on an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Kanyon says Bischoff came to the hospital and told him that all he had to do to be a star was put Page out. We see Page getting out of the ambulance before it left the arena. However, since we’re in Russo land, they wedge another angle into this with Goldberg’s monster truck being seen in the parking lot. Kanyon is positive that Page is gone. In fact he’s positively Kanyon.

Let’s go back to that truck arriving. I understand the idea of wanting to make things seem realistic and that worked here: Page is in the parking lot and the camera happens to see the Goldberg truck in the same parking lot. However, again it feels like there’s too much going on at any given time. This was something else forced into the show that doesn’t need to be here, or at least not at this exact time. Let the Page shot be its own thing so it looks like something we should care about.

Shane Douglas vs. The Wall

Before the match, Shane has something to say. Well at least it keeps us from seeing him wrestle. He promises to define his career at the Wall’s expense while the New Blood is getting rid of Hulk Hogan and “Dick Flair.” Hudson: “It’s Ric Flair.” Shane wants to make it a best of five tables matches (I think so at least. He starts by saying best of five table matches (as in five table matches) then goes to saying five tables will be broken, which would make it best of nine and then switches to best out of five). Tony says it’s the first to go through five tables is the loser but then calls that person the survivor. I’m lost but Wall agrees.

So I think it’s the first to put your opponent through three tables because you have to go by what they mean and not what they say. There are tables around the ring to save some time. Wall gorilla presses him down and shoves Shane away off a swinging neckbreaker attempt. Hudson says it’s best of nine again and my head keeps hurting. Shane comes back with a running knee to the face and a clothesline to put Wall on the floor.

A few rams into the barricade don’t do much to Wall so he chokeslams Shane through the first table. Shane goes through the second a few moments later and now we’re told it’s first to three. It astounds me that they didn’t WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN IN ADVANCE but that might not be totally realistic, which is what you’re shooting for in a match built around putting people through tables. A low blow has little effect on Wall. Hudson: “That’s what we call no selling.” Actually that’s what we call it Scott. You’re supposed to be smarter than that. It’s why you have a job.

They head up to the entrance where there just happens to be a ladder with three tables stacked on top of each other next to it. Both guys climb the ladder and Shane nails him with brass knuckles, causing Wall to jump through two and a half of the three tables but we’ll count it as three anyway.

Rating: F. The match ran just over eight minutes and they didn’t know the rules for the first five or six. I….yeah move on to the next match. It makes the show move faster and means I don’t have to think about the fact that not only can WCW not book a show properly, but they also can’t count.

Hogan arrives an hour and fifteen minutes into the show. Unless I missed it, he left a nice Dodge Charger in the middle of the parking lot and didn’t take the keys with him. Does anyone in this family know how to take care of cars?

US Title: Tank Abbott vs. Scott Steiner

Scott is defending and this is inside the mini Asylum cage. The bell rings without the cage being lowered so Penzer says that since the Asylum is Scott’s signature match, let’s make it a handicap match with Rick Steiner on Tank’s side.

US Title: Tank Abbott/Rick Steiner vs. Scott Steiner

The fans chant for Goldberg and the cage is finally lowered. Not all the way to the mat or anything of course, but who doesn’t want the cage to move around the ring during a match? The Freaks get on the apron to cheer for Scott and Tank accidentally hits Rick with a chain. Rick might have shoved Rick out of the way to take the bullet but we need to get on to Scott hitting Tank with the chain and putting on the Recliner to retain.

Rating: F. The cage match itself lasted maybe a minute and a half and had a highlight of Shakira and Midajah in some rather fetching outfits. Rick and Tank look like even bigger losers than they have in the past, there’s no recap of why these guys are fighting (I think they brawled a few weeks ago on Nitro? Maybe?) and the Asylum is stupid. Next please.

Ric Flair and company arrives, an hour and twenty minutes into the show. He looks like Doc Brown Goes Hawaiian.

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman with Horace as referee. Hogan thought Kidman couldn’t headline a flea market (first mentioned on TV about six weeks into the feud) so Kidman got some unofficial pins on him, only to lose on pay per view. Tonight it’s Hogan’s career vs. a title shot next month.

Regarding Horace, Hollywood says blood is thicker than New Blood.

Kidman vs. Hollywood Hogan

Kidman’s on again/off again partner and Hollywood’s nephew Horace Hogan is guest referee. They circle each other before the bell because this has to be dragged out as long as they can. Some right hands sends Kidman outside early, followed by a big boot to put him outside again. Back in again and Hulk does his horribly outdated choking. Kidman gets in a few kicks and that’s enough selling for now, meaning it’s weightlifting belt time.

They’re outside for the third time in five minutes and Kidman dropkicks a chair into his face to get his first advantage. How nice of Hogan to let him do that. Kidman tries a DDT but the camera clearly shows that Hogan’s head never comes near colliding with anything. A top rope splash gets two for Kidman but it’s time for more right hands to get Hogan back in control.

Outside again with a hiptoss putting Kidman through the table (did dust fly off the table when he hit it?), revealing Tony’s blue jacket, green pants and tennis shoes. Egads man. Anyway here’s Torrie to hand Hogan brass knuckles but Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie, knocking her off the apron. Kidman hits Hulk with the knuckles for two and punches out Horace for counting slowly, only to have Torrie hit Kidman low. Another punch from Hulk with the knuckles puts Kidman away and sends Hogan to Bash at the Beach.

Rating: D-. How gracious Hogan was to let Kidman beat him up for all of a minute and a half. It’s another wasted match with Hogan going over by cheating and a guest referee who didn’t change a thing. I actually forgot that Horace was even in this for the most part, again proving that the gimmick didn’t add anything.

Hulk and Horace hug. Uh….yay?

Bischoff is panicking because Goldberg might show up. The cops ensure him that perimeter is secure.

Quick recap of Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair though they lie and say it’s David fighting his father. Basically Ric is the worst father ever and David called him out on it. Then Russo beat Flair inside the Cell because he’s a man and Ric is a boy.

David and Russo say Ric is retired tonight.

Ric promises to do the same things he’s promised to do for twenty years.

The Flair Family comes to their seats.

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

Ric takes his son into the corner and taps him on the jaw as the announcers talk about Russo being able to do things that no one has ever been able to accomplish. They head outside with Ric being sent into the barricade to give David control. A sleeper breaks up David’s suplex and it’s time for the chops. David clotheslines him to the floor and Russo gets in some ball bat shots before he handcuffs Ric’s hands together. We hit a bad Figure Four until Ric makes the ropes.

Russo chokes Ric so Reid jumps the barricade (WAY too common recently) and gets shoved down. Reid hits him low and steals the handcuff keys but David shoves him into the corner. Ric gets the keys and uncuffs himself, leaving Ashley (Charlotte, who looks almost the same as she does now at 14 years old here) to take Russo down and cuff him, likely fulfilling ANOTHER sick Russo fantasy that I really don’t need to think about.

Russo swears at the 14 year old (after shoving the 12 year old) and Ric thrusts his hips at him. A slam brings David off the top and the Figure Four makes David tap in two seconds, thereby proving the Russo is in fact more than 35 times tougher than David as he survived seventy seconds without tapping on Monday.

Rating: D. To quote the Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP??? This was every Russo problem rolled into one as there was WAY too much going on, but above all else it felt like some sick idea that only Russo wanted to see. “Here’s what I’m seeing: I beat up the 12 year old who looks just like the kids that beat me up every day, then the 14 year old blonde mounts me like none of them ever would back in high school because I liked this stupid wrestling stuff that I have to write now because I’m cursed to be made a millionaire.”

Russo has already had a woman kidnapped a dozen times or so and now he’s got this. How is any of this stuff supposed to make anyone but Russo look good? David gets beaten up but Russo already got to be all manly in the Figure Four Monday night when he beat Ric. I’m shocked that he doesn’t have Miss Hancock bowing down and worshiping him already, but then he might have to write even more columns and books about how hard this was on him and how it broke his life or whatever “FEEL SORRY FOR ME AND MY MANLINESS” nonsense Russo still gets people to pay for.

Russo lets Ric chop him once before swearing revenge tomorrow on Nitro. So yeah: this meant nothing, Russo is still fine, and the battle will continue with Russo coming back stronger than ever. Ric, Reid and Beth do crotch chops at Russo, who swears to retire Ric tomorrow night. He’s going to beat Flair again tomorrow isn’t he?

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting which is about Vampiro wanting to burn Sting alive because it was interesting when Kane wanted to do it to Undertaker and let’s just do it again here.

Sting vs. Vampiro

There’s a torch hanging by the entrance and you have to get your opponent up there and light them on fire to win. There are firemen, cops and an ambulance waiting in the back. We can add “keeping civil servants busy” to Russo’s amazing list of accomplishments from this show alone. Sting appears on top of the video screen and tells Vampiro to come up here. Vampiro is scared of heights though because Russo writes characters with depth you see.

Never mind as Sting comes down and we start an actual match. Well as close to an actual match as this is going to get. Madden quotes 8mm by saying “You dance with the devil, the devil don’t change. The devil changes you.” but treats it like his own line. Vampiro pours gasoline over Sting and they fight up the ramp. Both guys climb the structure but Sting gets kicked off and through part of the set.

It isn’t enough to keep him down though and they climb to the top of the structure above the video screen where the torch is hanging. The lights start going nuts and they slug it out for a good while. Vampiro DDTs him down and the lights go completely out. Vampiro finally gets the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting is so scared that he’s lost a few inches of hair and has learned how to take a stuntman fall off a high video tower.

Rating: N/A. As Scott Hudson would say after the match, this isn’t wrestling anymore. This is about doing a big stunt like we’re in a Michael Bay movie. On top of that, a long stretch of this “match” was spent punching each other on top of a big video screen. How is anything supposed to follow this? Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash? That’s supposed to interest me after this big ending?

Firemen and agent cover the stuntman with fire extinguishers so you can’t see that it’s not him.

The announcers treat this all seriously (as they should) but then the replays ruin the whole thing by showing that the fire was out before Sting hit the crash pad.

Pamela Paulshock asks Bischoff about the big surprise but Bischoff says it’s not happening because of Goldberg.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

Nash won his shot in a tag match after giving the title to Flair, who had been trading it back and forth with Jeff in an attempt to build a years long legacy in five weeks. After Nash comes out, here’s the Cat to introduce the celebrities, including the bale (yes bale) ringer Konnan, timekeeper Rey Mysterio, belt keeper Disco Inferno and ring announcer Juventud Guererra. Oh and Cat himself is guest enforcer referee. Well to be fair, Nash has beaten like ten people at once multiple times now so this is probably in his favor.

Nash punches the Animals down before going after Jarrett in the corner. In a weird moment, some noise from the entrance stops the match cold and everyone looks up that way but it winds up going nowhere and Nash clotheslines Jeff to the floor. Snake Eyes puts Jeff on the announcers’ table and they brawl into the crowd, which is at least a faster way to kill time than letting them do moves in the ring (I’m not sure about calling what Nash does wrestling).

The Animals beat Nash down at ringside and Jeff gets in a few chair shots. The fans chant for Goldberg as the old school leg work continues. Imagine any old Ric Flair match, slow it down by 40%, and cut off some of Ric’s hair if you want to picture what’s going on here. The Figure Four lets Nash lay around even more until he grabs the ropes. Konnan adds a bell shot for two and Disco throws in the belt, only to have Nash intercept it and knock Jeff cold.

Disco makes up for it by taking out the referee at two and the GOLDBERG chants are getting even louder. Cat comes in and Nash fights off the Animals again, only to eat the Stroke for a delayed two. Jeff tries the guitar but gets chokeslammed for two as Cat has something in his eye.

There’s a powerbomb to Cat and a second to Nash but Rick Steiner comes in to go after Nash. This brings out Tank Abbott to brawl with Scott Steiner who was there to intercept Rick. Juvy gets launched into a dropkick on Nash, followed by a Bronco Buster from Rey. We FINALLY get Goldberg and yeah of course he’s New Blood. Why is he New Blood? SHOCKING! The spear (and a horrible one) lets Jeff retain.

Rating: F. Disco and Chavo, who could have a good match if they were left alone, get about five minutes and this gets over seventeen. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels had to be at their best to get seventeen good minutes out of Kevin Nash and we’re stuck with a middle of the road Jeff Jarrett to try instead?

The overbooking might have been a good idea here but the whole “let’s throw away the one last glimmer of hope we have” In case you’re wondering how this great move helped ratings, the Nitro before this got a 2.8, the next night got a 3.0 (Raw was at a 6.8) and the next week Nitro was a 2.7. Shock value continues to not work in the ratings but Russo will keep swearing by it because people talk about it. Talking doesn’t equal watching of course but Russo doesn’t equal wrestling so it all evens out somehow.

Russo and Bischoff come out of the monster truck and the heels all pose. To sum up WCW’s brilliance and how predictable Russo was at this point, Madden talks about how no one saw this coming as the camera is on a GOLDBERG IS NEW BLOOD sign. Oh and the fans are still chanting GOLDBERG because he’s still awesome and more interesting than anyone in the promotion because of how intense he can be. Trash fills the ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: S. For SHOCKING, which is the word of the night. We’re at the point where just calling these shows failures is nowhere near strong enough. I have no idea what the thinking is here other than trying to catch the fans off guard, but as that sign showed: people had figured Russo’s booking out a long time ago because it’s always the last thing you would expect/the dumbest idea they could go with.

We’re now on Hogan (#1 contender), Nash, Flair and Steiner as the top faces (the youngest of these would be Steiner at 37) vs. the combined forces of Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, Goldberg and Jeff Jarrett, meaning the World Champion is now, at best, the fourth biggest heel on this roster (there’s a case for Vampiro being above him too). And this is supposed to make me want to keep watching.

Russo has lost what little sanity he had left and has moved on to nothing but shock value for the sake of shock value with his booking decisions. This show was built on one idea and the fans filled the ring with trash while still chanting for the new top level heel. That’s his big takeaway from this: the fans hate him and one of his top stars was burned up like he was part of a Labor Day barbecue.

There’s nothing good on this show and I don’t remember the last time I gave so many matches a failing grade. The best match was probably Kronik vs. the Mamalukes, meaning the match where a guy turned away from a chance to become #1 contender to the Tag Team Titles so he could polish the joke title that he was given off camera on Wednesday. In two and three quarter hours, I can’t think of a single thing better than a below average #1 contenders tag team match that lasted about nine minutes.

Now the World Champion looks like a joke, Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan are WAY too old to mean anything, Ric Flair is stuck in an eternal feud with a writer who already beat him in a big gimmick match and the most popular guy on the roster was just turned heel to give the heel stable a big gun. Oh and the World Champion is a lame duck waiting for Hogan to take the title again next month.

This is the rare show that feels like it’s designed to punish the audience for watching. It felt like Russo saying “SCREW YOU PEOPLE! You think you’re smarter than me with your internet saying Russo jumped the shark? I’ll show you what you can do with your little protests. ALL SWERVES THAT YOU’LL NEVER SEE COMING!” And then the fans are stuck here, watching Russo get mounted by a 14 year old who handcuffs him so he can swear at her before promising to get revenge on Ric again (which I’m sure he will because this company is his playground). Awful show that gets worse and worse the more I think about it.

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Monday Nitro #242
Date: May 29, 2000
Location: E Center, Salt Lake City, Utah
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

So Kevin Nash is World Champion again after winning a triple threat match over Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner last week on Thunder. Jarrett had been awarded/won the title (it’s still not clear) two days before after Ric Flair had it vacated earlier tonight after winning it the week before. That’s about a fourth of the title changes this year and that’s all you need to know about WCW right now. Let’s get to it.

Clips from Thunder that led to Nash winning the title in a match announced an hour earlier. Sadly, that’s good for WCW.

Ric Flair arrives with his wife and Reid. He tells his family to stay in the limo but Russo and security immediately kidnap them. What is up with Russo’s kidnapping fetish? It’s like once every show.

Here’s Kevin Nash wearing an FUNB shirt to open things up. Before he can say anything though, here’s Scott Steiner, who is still US Champion in case you had forgotten. Nash thanks Steiner for helping him out on Thunder because it’s been eight weeks since Russo and Bischoff promised to take out the millionaires. That includes Bischoff running Page’s personal life, Hogan in a retirement match at the Great American Bash (that’s news) and Vampiro wanting to set Sting on fire.

That leaves Nash, who didn’t go according to their plans. Everyone wants to strangle Russo right now, including Nash’s buddy in Orlando. Nash talks about how hard it is to kill a legend and brings out Ric Flair for a chat. Ric still doesn’t seem to realize that his family has been kidnapped, but he’s already proven that he cares more about business than his family anyway. Ric yells about David and it seems the match for the Bash is back on. He promises to bury his son in a few weeks but tonight he’s going to beat Russo back to New York.

Nash has a present for Ric: the World Title. That would be title change #17 since the beginning of the year. Cue Jarrett who thinks the three of them are whining like a bunch of women on the View. Russo has made Nash vs. Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott in a handicap match. So was that going to be for the title in the first place or did Russo really not care about what happens to the belt?

Scott is banned from the ring because Russo owns them both. That’s fine with Steiner, because he doesn’t believe in the idea of talking out his problems. “Even when my freaks get out of line, I gotta slap them.” Jeff gets a title shot against Flair as well, which again makes me wonder what the plans were until Nash gave Flair the title. Ric says no anyway. This brings out Russo in a sleeveless shirt to show off his MANLY arms (manly here would mean arms the size of a thirteen year old) to bring out the kidnapped Flairs. The Millionaires clean house but Russo gets away with Flair’s wife.

So to recap: Nash AGAIN isn’t interested in being World Champion and just hands someone the title, Flair turns down a title defense because he doesn’t feel like it and Russo gets away again. That’s another item on the long list of problems with Russo: he never got what was coming to him. Bischoff and McMahon would at least take a beating once in awhile, but Russo never actually lost a match in WCW. Russo is some untouchable god though and always gets away with everything he’s doing. It gets old fast but it’s another example of Russo making it all about himself and ruining the company in the process.

Vampiro arrives in a gasoline truck.

Ric is looking for his family. This is a B movie plot.

Apparently the title match is on as Flair had no choice. In other words: Russo gets what he wants and Flair is broken one more time.

Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno

Disco tries to imitate the Filthy Animals by asking where his dogs are at and declaring it all swell. Konnan wants the Misfits to “pop their collars and get their mash on.” While we’re at it, let’s make this a lumberjack match. It’s a brawl to start with the Misfits throwing Disco back inside but he grabs Chavo for a hot shot.

Now it’s the Animals stomping Guerrero down to keep Disco, in a Scottie Pippen jersey, in control. Disco and Rection fight on the floor so Rey loads up a Bronco Buster on Chavo, only to have Major Gunns intercept him. He’s dumb enough to spread his legs in the corner, earning himself that low blow. Chavo tornado DDT’s Disco for the fast pin.

Post match it’s Tygress of the Nitro Girls coming in for a catfight. Madden breaks the news that she’s Mysterio’s girlfriend. Makes more sense now, though I feel dirty learning it from Mark Madden.

Vampiro says only the sinners will burn and there’s going to be a fire tonight. As Vampiro is talking to Pamela Paulshock, Kronik knock Horace Hogan across the room. This brings in Stasiak and Palumbo to beat up Kronik.

Here’s Miss Hancock with something to say. She wants to show us that she can have fun and it’s time to dance but here’s Chris Candido to break it up. We cut to the Russo locker room where David panics and runs off, leaving Russo to yell at the Flairs even more. Candido yells at Hancock and grabs her by the hair but David comes in for the save. This brings in Ric to brawl with David, though shouldn’t he be trying to save his kidnapped family?

Kimberly (homina homina homina) arrives and is mobbed by paparazzi. So that’s where Melina got the idea.

We get a clip of Kimberly on the phone with Bischoff as she gets rid of all of Page’s stuff.

Here’s G.I. Bro with something to say to yell about Shawn Stasiak attacking him after their match on Thunder. Therefore, it’s a Boot Camp match at the pay per view. Next up it’s the awesome Mike Awesome who didn’t get the job done a few weeks ago. Since we haven’t had one in long enough, let’s have an ambulance match right now.

Mike Awesome vs. G.I. Bro

They brawl on the ramp to start and Awesome slingshots into the ring to take Bro down. A powerbomb does the same but Awesome dives into a dropkick. This is another one of those matches where they have to get in everything they can because it’s probably only getting a few minutes due to all the Russo segments we need to get to. Booker messes up a leapfrog but comes back with a jumping clothesline and the ax kick.

They head up the ramp but Awesome hits him with Kanyon’s halo. You remember WWF War Zone where the audience would throw in stuff like TVs and camera as weapons? Well on this show people pull out medical halos to use in matches where you’re supposed to put your opponent in an ambulance. Somehow a TV doesn’t sound like that big of a stretch. Cue Diamond Dallas Page to help chokeslam Awesome off the ramp and through a table before tossing Mike into the ambulance for the win. Another under three minute match with ten minutes of stuff packed in.

Palumbo and Stasiak are sitting in the back with Liz next to them. A note comes underneath their door. “It’s 4:19. Got a minute?” Somehow they can’t get the idea (they’re built, not smart) and Kronik comes in to return the beating from earlier. Liz gets in a shot on Palumbo and runs off. Yeah I’m sure.

Hulk Hogan arrives and says it’s going to take more man than Bischoff to rip the read and yellow off his back. He’s in all black here so I’m assuming he’s already met that man.

Goldberg’s monster truck drives up and Goldberg himself is actually here.

Here’s Bischoff’s subgroup for a chat. Cat is now imitating Bischoff’s statements to give Eric a tribute character. Thankfully Bischoff cuts him off pretty quickly before making Horace the guest referee for Kidman vs. Hogan. Hulk comes out to say the red and yellow won’t die before going after Eric and company. We cut to the back where Goldberg is coming in and that’s time for a commercial.

Kevin Nash vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

Nash gets jumped on the stage to start and Rick knocks him out with a wrench. Since WCW isn’t a wrestling company these days, the referee starts the match with Nash unconscious. Cue Goldberg and the fans are more alive than they’ve been in probably a year. Steiner takes a spear and a Jackhammer and I guess Nash loses by DQ. I love WCW trying to make sense of things.

Goldberg helps Nash up and Hudson says it’s a new day (YES IT IS!). Goldberg is sick of hearing from Tank Abbott so the slaughter begins tonight. The challenge is issued for a match next week in Atlanta.

Goldberg leaves.

Bischoff freaks out that Goldberg is here. Why he didn’t know that Goldberg was here when he was shown on screen before the previous segment isn’t clear.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Vampiro

Funk is defending and Vampiro is a mystery opponent. A piledriver on the ramp gets two about ten seconds after the bell but Vampiro doesn’t bother to sell it anyway. Vampiro gives him the Nail in the Coffin but does the same thing to the referee instead of covering. Vampiro demands his pyro go off so he can burn Funk.

That goes nowhere so they head backstage with Funk hitting him in the head with a trashcan. A coffee machine to the face misses Vampiro and they fight to the production truck. Funk is knocked through the table and it’s off to the gas truck but Sting saves Funk after he’s covered in gasoline. Vampiro fights him off and grabs a blowtorch but security breaks it up and we’ve got a no contest in a hardcore match.

Rating: F. It’s stupid, it’s lame, it’s straight out of a bunch of Undertaker/Kane/Austin segments from a year earlier. I’m sick of Terry Funk holding this joke of a title for weeks on end (somehow it hasn’t even been months yet) and of Vampiro trying to be all violent for the sake of being violent. It’s not interesting and it just keeps going no matter how long ago people stopped caring. The fire stuff is stupid too as it’s like teasing the Divas back in the day. Russo would tease it over and over again but never got there, which eventually took away any of the appeal.

Ric is still looking for his family.

Russo yells at the Flairs when Shane Douglas comes in. Shane is given Scott Steiner tonight which rightfully freaks him out. Russo makes it a US Title match though and Shane calms down. That right there is the best job they’ve done at building a title since Russo and Bischoff showed up. Yeah Shane is scared of Steiner but the potential of being US Champion is enough to entice him. Totally unintentional I’m sure but well done.

We go back to last week with Page arriving at his house and finding his stuff on the lawn. Page: “This ain’t a rib.” The locks have been changed too. Kimberly opens the door and Page tells her to get out but the cops are waiting on him. We get the obvious restraining order and one of the cops is nice enough to tell Page that his kids are fans.

Awesome is with Kimberly, who doesn’t care to help him with his match against Page at the pay per view. Mike says if she does it would mean more camera time. Kimberly: “Come on Mr. sweaty man.”

We recap Page spanking Kimberly on Thunder but I’m sure Russo has the full version on a continuous loop.

Here are Kimberly, Awesome and Palumbo to call out Elizabeth for what happened last week. Elizabeth, who is finally free, ACTUALLY COMES OUT ON HER OWN! She deserves to be kidnapped over and over again. Kimberly has them kidnap Elizabeth again and yells a lot as this is pretty clearly another Russo fantasy on screen.

Cue Page to clean house but Bischoff sends out the cops to arrest Page for violating the restraining order. Palumbo attacks THE COPS with the exercise bar before hitting Page, only to have Luger come out in a face mask to beat up Palumbo. Luger and Liz leave but Awesome gets up to beat on Page even more. This brings KARL MALONE out of the crowd to Diamond Cut Awesome in a call back to the good old days. Yet another Russo fantasy/illogical segment which accomplished very little and got Karl Malone over instead of the two pay per view matches.

Ric shouts that he’ll get Russo tonight.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Shane Douglas

Steiner is defending and this is in the Asylum cage because everyone has to have their own signature gimmick match. Steiner says he’s a freak in heat. He’s ready for Tank at the pay per view and isn’t worried about Douglas or Russo. Of course he has to get Russo in there too. The champ hammers away to start and drops him with the gorilla press. A low blow gets Shane out of trouble and there’s a reverse Hennig neck snap to work on Steiner’s back. Tony reiterates the relaxed rules in WCW as Steiner rams Shane back first into the cage a few times. There’s a belly to belly and the Recliner retains the title, again in less than 3:00.

Hogan is in the yellow and red.

Sting vs. Kidman

A quick Bodog drops Sting early but Kidman is too busy doing the Hogan hand to the ear. Sting rolls to the ramp and gets a big start for a dive over the top to take Kidman down. Why is Sting more athletic and high flying than any Cruiserweight Champion has been in the better part of a year? There’s the Stinger Splash but Torrie distracts the referee, allowing Vampiro to hit Sting with a blowtorch, giving Kidman the pin. Another meaningless win after Sting was basically squashing him, but then again Russo never understood the difference.

Vampiro loads up some gasoline but Hogan makes the save. Bischoff comes out with the chair but Hogan takes it away and holds the chair up so Cat can kick it into his face. Kidman rips off Hulk’s shirt and burns it in a trashcan. Cool moment but Kidman still has no chance at the Bash. Vampiro tries to burn Sting but Kronik makes the save.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett

Ric is defending and David Flair is the surprise guest referee. Tony recaps the title situation by saying Nash gave Ric the title in segment one. Not EARLIER IN THE NIGHT or in the first hour, but segment one. We’re maybe thirty seconds into the match and here are Russo and the kidnapped Flairs. For once in his life Flair cares about something more than the title (not David of course, further proving that David is right in all his insanity) but Jeff gets in some chair shots to the ribs to take over.

Remember when a single chair shot would knock someone out and end a match? Well here two of them don’t even knock Ric down. Back in and Jeff hammers at Ric’s busted head. Ric comes back and hits David with the Statue of Liberty but Russo pulls him to the floor and hits him with the bat. There’s the Figure Four from Jeff but Ric makes the ropes. Charles Robinson comes out to take over and Flair gets two off the same small package that won him the title two weeks ago.

The Flair Flip sends Ric to the apron but he actually gets in a clothesline of his own. Ric punches Russo in the jaw (in one of the only times he ever gets touched) but Jeff kicks Ric into Robinson. The security gets beaten up but Russo takes over as referee, allowing Jarrett to guitar Flair for the pin and the title. Sure Russo took a punch and some chops, but it’s RUSSO getting to take the title off Flair. How MANLY he must feel, because of course Vince Russo is a man.

Rating: F. Another non-match that never has a chance to go build anything up because there’s another plot point to get to. As usual, this is almost all about Russo’s issues with Flair and Jarrett, who has gone from a zero time World Champion on April 15 to a four time World Champion on May 29. Flair isn’t immune from this either as his sixteen time record is nicely padded with two title reigns that combine for less than eight days. People talk today about the Intercontinental Title being treated as nothing or a joke, but it’s the NWA World Title in its prime compared to this mess.

Fans throw trash in the ring as the Flairs are taken away by security to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. More bad, more non-wrestling, more people doing things that make no sense, more B-movie plots, more Russo more awful. I keep hoping that we’ll get back to normal someday but this is the new normal. This show has become a big dumping ground for whatever lame movie plots Russo isn’t smart enough to sell to a low rent direct to video company. There’s still no main event for the pay per view and I doubt Russo has any idea what it’s supposed to be because he’s too busy figuring out all of his ideas for TV that only he understands. Horrible show, as is normal these days.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: May 27, 2000
Location: Wendler Arena, Saginaw, Michigan
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

So Jarrett is World Champion again after losing the title for a full week. The biggest change seems to be Nash moving in to the World Title scene, which is one of the least interesting things they could do, which is why we’re likely to see it happen. This company has to hit a wall soon enough but I don’t want to imagine what has to happen to reach that point. Let’s get to it.

Recap of Nitro’s latest title change.

Steiner and Nash arrive.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist

Daffney is defending, likely because she’s associated with Russo on screen and that makes her important. Before the match, Candido talks about how great it is to be part of the first couple of sports entertainment. Tammy gets to strip a bit as this is already getting boring. Again before the match, let’s get some words from the champ. She’s in a black wedding dress because she wanted David to propose to her but she’ll take the ring in the arena instead.

We finally start the match with Daffney getting away from the guys, setting up a three way champion/managers showdown. Cue Miss Hancock as Candido powerslams Artist for two. A Samoan drop puts Candido down and Daffney gets a near fall on each. Cue Crowbar to fight Artist, which is rather stupid as it leaves Daffney alone against Candido. As this is going on, Tammy pays Hancock for her clipboard but hits Candido by mistake, giving Daffney the pin, because Tammy swinging a half inch thick clipboard is enough to knock a professional wrestler unconscious after he’s been wrestling for two minutes.

Russo whines to Bischoff about all of his problems. Does he do anything besides book bad wrestling shows and complain about how much his life sucks?

Norman Smiley are trying to sell shirts when Shane Douglas comes up to give them a Hardcore Title shot. Why did he do that? Because the show’s script said he should.

Kimberly tells Elizabeth to put lotion on her back. You can add “puts his female talent in life versions of his erotica” to the list of things Russo does.

Hardcore Title: Shane Douglas vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

So Shane is officially Hardcore Champion after the New Blood beat Terry Funk down in a non match on Monday. We’re ready to go after Shane rips on Flair because he thinks people outside of Philadelphia actually care about that feud. Ralphus is in a gorilla suit (and I’m SURE it’s him and not someone else in a wacky surprise) which he wasn’t wearing and didn’t seem to have five minutes ago.

Naturally there’s something else to get to before another comedy title match as Bischoff says Douglas can’t give these two a title shot. Douglas takes Norman’s trashcan away and hammers on him to start. Ralphus’ cookie sheet shot has no effect so Shane beats on Norman with a trashcan lid, sending Ralphus out to the floor. Norman comes back with the spinning slam but the spanking dance is broken up by a low blow.

A neckbreaker and suplex get two on Smiley but Ralphus hits Douglas with a trashcan lid for no effect. Ralphus runs again but stops to pick at himself. Back in the ring and Norman collapses as Ralphus comes back. Some trashcan lid shots get two on Douglas and it’s table time. The chain to Norman’s head sets up a slam through the table but Ralphus grabs the chain and knocks Douglas out with a left hand for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. So to recap, Funk brought a gorilla suit (yes of course that’s where it’s going) on the off change that Douglas would get all cocky and offer Norman and Ralphus a title shot. We’ll of course ignore Funk not attacking Douglas in the multiple chances he had during the match but then again this isn’t the most complicated plan in the world.

Of course it’s Funk in the gorilla suit, meaning he’s the new champion.

Bischoff tells Cat to “Jackie Chan” Funk. At least go with Bruce Lee man.

Russo is talking to some old woman.

Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner are wearing goggles. Why? Not explained, but it makes for a funny random visual I guess.

After a recap of Russo vs. Flair, here are Russo, David, Daffney and the woman Russo was talking to. Russo says it’s time for another expose tonight, starring Reid’s sixth grade teacher Mrs. Snodgrass, who is every stereotypical old teacher you’ve ever seen. Apparently Reid was a hellion (her word) who would make rude noises. After more stories of Reid being a normal twelve year old, David grabs the mic and says he wants to fight Reid at the Great American Bash. For the love of all things good and holy, PLEASE let that match happen. It could be glorious.

That’s enough of the Flair story though as Nash comes out to advance another Russo story. He wants to kill Russo but so does this man: Scott Steiner. Nash and Steiner destroy security to get at Russo, who tells them to hit Snodgrass. This goes as well as you would expect so Nash and Steiner choke Russo down and demand a World Title match tonight. Russo makes a three way dance.

Jarrett yells at Russo, who can barely talk (HALLELUJAH).

Bischoff tells Douglas to deal with Funk tonight.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action

Elimination match because there’s no place for something like this on pay per view. Everyone brawls to start and Hammer (Stash. I’m not going to remember to change them to their new names most of the time so we’ll stick with the more familiar ones) throws Juvy at Konnan in a nice power display. All four Misfits splash Disco in the corner and he staggers over to Major Gunns for a kick low.

We settle down to Juvy vs. Chavo with Guerrera snapping off some chops. Guerrero is sent to the ramp but dives back in to take Juvy down and tag in Lash. Rey comes in for some rope running, followed by a side slam from Leroux. The dancing punches are good for two and it’s off to Juvy, only to have Disco sneak in and help on a double powerbomb to eliminate Lash. It’s Hammer coming in to throw Disco around with a spinebuster getting two.

Juvy tries to come in off the top but gets slammed down, setting up a horrible cobra clutch slam (you would think Juvy could jump better than that) for a one count. This brings Disco in with a kendo stick to clean house, allowing Rey to come in off the top with a seated senton to eliminate Hammer. Disco comes in and takes Chavo down with a swinging neckbreaker, only to have Chavo pop up and hook the tornado DDT for the elimination.

It’s off to Juvy whose headscissors is countered into a reverse powerbomb (always liked that move) for two. Rection’s moonsault is enough to pin Juvy and we’re down to Rection/Chavo vs. Konnan (hasn’t been in yet)/Mysterio. Cue Shawn Stasiak for no apparent reason but Booker debuts his fatigues look to clean house. A spinebuster plants Rey and the Misfits win just because.

Rating: C-. This could have been better but a WCW match getting nine minutes and only having two people interfere is a rare treat these days. I still don’t know why this wasn’t on pay per view but I’d assume it was so they could have three other matches in its place. It’s also nice to see that Russo has gotten in his standard stable wars within a bigger stable war, even though no one is really getting a rub out of this.

Bischoff tries to break up an argument between Kidman, Horace and Torrie.

Elizabeth shoves Kimberly and runs away. Don’t worry. She’ll be kidnapped again by the end of the show.

Russo is talking to Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott.

Shane can’t find Funk.

The Wall vs. Chuck Palumbo

Tables match. Wall suplexes him to start and lifts him up in the corner for some choking. Palumbo escapes an attempt at a slam through a table and elbows out of a chokeslam. The exercise bar knocks Wall off the apron and through the table. This was NOTHING. Like even by WCW standards, this was a waste of time.

Wall chases Palumbo to the back because a metal rod to the face through the table isn’t worth selling.

Kimberly is ordered to find Elizabeth. Why is Elizabeth such an important character on this show? She doesn’t wrestle, she barely talks, she hasn’t meant anything important in years at this point, yet she’s getting more air time than a lot of the champions in this company. Elizabeth is cool but you would think she was one of the stars of the show at this point.

Here are Bischoff (doing his airplane bit), Torrie, Kidman and Horace for a chat. Bischoff gets to the point and says that the music dies at the Great American Bash. Hogan’s music that is. Horace blames Hulk for ruining his career and it’s open challenge time.

Horace Hogan/Kidman vs. Kronik

Non-title and Bischoff is doing commentary because what else is he going to do? Clark chops away at Kidman to start and kicks him in the face. As Bischoff rambles about Hulk, Kidman comes back with a dropkick, only to get choked up against the ropes. Kidman comes out of the corner with a Bodog and it’s off to Adams for some more power. A sleeper is easily countered as Adams flips Kidman onto the mat, only to have Kidman come back with a hurricanrana.

Horace flips Kidman off when he comes for a tag so Bischoff gets up, only to be shoved back down. Horace gets a chair as Kronik gives Kidman High Times. Clark loads up Kidman for a chair but Horace turns (?) on him to lay Kronik out with a chair, giving Kidman the pin. The announcers have no idea if this was a title match or not.

Rating: D. Another bad match but Kronik is still a fun enough act. Kidman and Horace’s issues aren’t interesting together but most of that is due to Horace being as generic of a big man as I can remember in a very long time. I like the idea of pushing someone new, but there comes a point where it’s not going to happen. Put someone else in there and let it be over already.

Shane yells at Norman and Ralphus about letting Funk take Ralphus’ place. Norman says Funk paid double what Shane did but he’s already left the building. Shane punches Smiley and takes Ralphus to help him find Funk. So Norman and Ralphus, two guys with no money, wouldn’t accept a title shot without being paid for it? That’s how worthless the title is?

Shane brings Ralphus to the ring and beats him down until Wall, who is facing Shane at the Great American Bash in a tables match, comes out for a brawl. As Norman tends to Ralphus, Shane dives off the apron and gets chokeslammed through the announcers’ table.

Booker T. is with the Misfits and says he’s now to be known as G.I. Bro. I’m assuming this would be the idea that Booker was talking about on Monday when he said “tune in next week”. So now they can’t even wait a week for the GENIUS idea of G.I. Bro, which Booker had used years earlier.

Kimberly has security looking for Elizabeth.

G.I. Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak stomps the new guy down in the corner to start and chokes him on the ropes. They head outside with Bro hitting an ax handle off the apron, followed by a some right hands back inside, only to have Stasiak hot shot him. Back to the floor as Stasiak continues to search for anything resembling a good offense. Bro is sent into various objects before they head back inside and exchange clotheslines for two each. A powerbomb gets the same for Stasiak but he tries to bring in a chair, allowing Bro to hit his series of kicks, followed by the Book End for the pin.

Rating: D+. So it’s just Booker T. in fatigues. I’ve heard worse ideas, like having Stasiak get in this much offense when you’re trying to get over a new character or having Terry Funk win the Hardcore Title back two days after he kind of lost it or having Vince Russo as the centerpiece of your show.

Post match Stasiak hits him with a chair and beats Booker down, likely setting up a rematch at the pay per view. Or tonight in case Russo can’t wait to blow that hot feud off as well.

Mike Tenay is with Sting, who doesn’t think anything of Vampiro. Ten years ago he was just like Vampiro (no he wasn’t) but now that he’s grown up, he still has the fire in his eyes. Tenay asks about the inferno match and Sting calls the idea stupid. He’ll take the challenge though because that’s what he does. The lights go out and come back on to reveal the set on fire. You really didn’t need to turn the lights back on for that guys.

Kimberly is in the back for a talk but Elizabeth attacks her from behind and drags her away. This can’t end well.

Here’s Diamond Dallas Page with some biting commentary: Bischoff sucks. Well that’s one way of putting it. He talks about working hard to get where he is today and how Bischoff has turned his wife against him and Awesome injuring Kanyon (he’s way too calm about that). He keeps going on about all the things Bischoff has done to him when Liz brings Kimberly out by the hair.

Oh yeah this is going exactly where you expect it to: Page spanks Kimberly, giving Russo more fuel for his personal pleasure later on. As this is going on, Palumbo kidnaps Liz and I roll my eyes. That has to be the sixth or seventh time it’s happened and we’re still supposed to care? Anyway Mike Awesome pops up on screen in Kanyon’s hospital room, looking rather menacing. Oh well enough of that because we need to see people walking to the ring.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner

Jarrett is defending and has Russo with him for commentary of course. As Steiner comes out, we’re told that Palumbo kidnapped Elizabeth AGAIN, meaning Russo has her again. I’m so sick of this story. Despite Russo’s voice being sore from the choke, he has to talk even more, this time making himself guest referee for the match so it will be an even playing field. They’re going to change the title on some wacky occurrence aren’t they?

Nash immediately chases Russo into the crowd (how manly of Russo to run with a sore throat), leaving Steiner to beat Jarrett up. The champ is tied into the Tree of Woe and Nash comes back to choke him. Russo and his security are on the ramp so Steiner goes after them as well. Russo’s bat is taken away from him but Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott show up on the stage with Scott’s freaks.

Scott goes after them, leaving Russo to go after Nash who promptly hits him in the face. Jarrett hits Nash in the back with a bat to break up the Jackknife to the boss. Back up and Nash hits the referee (Billy Silverman, who has been refereeing the match despite what Russo said) by mistake. Jeff misses a belt shot so Nash hits him in the face with the title. Russo pulls the referee out of the ring at two and hits him with a guitar.

Jeff blasts Nash with a chair and Russo counts two but since we haven’t had something going on for all of six seconds, here’s Steiner to run through Russo’s security, clearing a path for referee Mickie Jay. Steiner chases Russo off and Nash powerbombs Jarrett for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. To quote Gorilla Monsoon: “WILL YOU STOP???” Look at all the insanity in this match and then consider that it didn’t even run five minutes. Normally I would talk about how you should just have a three way if you want to have a three way, but such common sense is lost on someone like Russo. Horrible “match” of course because they couldn’t go fifteen seconds without something else happening.

The announcers treat this like the biggest title change in years. I could buy that if this wasn’t the sixteenth title change since the beginning of the year. That’s sixteen title changes (including vacancies) in less than five months. Let’s put this in some perspective.

Counting backwards from today (October 17, 2015), you would have to go back to Summerslam 2011 to see the WWE Championship change hands sixteen times.

Starting with the inception of the title (February 1991), the WCW World Title didn’t change hands sixteen times until November 1995.

Finally, starting at Barely Legal 1997, the ECW World Title changed hands exactly sixteen times until their final pay per view in January 2001.

So we have four years, four and a half years, just under four years, or less than five months in WCW 2000.

Overall Rating: D-. It’s the same old troubles as always as Russo can’t stop putting everything he can think of into one show. You had two title changes tonight plus the Tag Team Champions losing a match and maybe the titles (this would be the second time in a month where it’s not clear if we have new champions or not).

There’s so much stuff going on here that I’m desensitized to everything they’re doing. How can I feel the impact of Nash winning the title if I’m still reacting to Flair winning it just nine days earlier? There’s so much going on and no time to take it in, but Russo keeps making things faster and faster. The pay per view still doesn’t have an announced main event and the show is in eleven days. We’re in the dark days of Russo here as he has full control and is showing why that’s a horrible idea. I don’t want to imagine where it’s going to go from here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #241
Date: May 22, 2000
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 6,530
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

So Flair is World Champion but the forces of bad health don’t want us to have some sanity in WCW and Flair collapsed to end last week’s Thunder. This was a legitimate inner ear issue that screwed him up and not like that time where they had Ric Flair have a heart attack that wasn’t referenced again outside of a one off moment. Odds are this is going to change the title status so let’s get to it.

It probably won’t matter but this show aired an hour earlier due to the NBA Playoffs.

We open with a recap of the New Blood falling apart. Remember: as soon as Bischoff and Russo were gone for a single night, the whole team started falling apart. They need that strong and MANLY influence of Vince Russo to keep them in line.

Russo, Jeff Jarrett, David Flair and Liz arrive behind a hearse. They’re all in black and it’s time for the funeral of Ric Flair’s career. Russo has the World Title for reasons that aren’t clear.

Booker T. vs. The Cat

Weapons match. The announcers explain that it’s just martial arts weapons so Cat brings in a chair. Some martial arts sticks to the back put Booker down and Mark Madden says Cat is Eric Bischoff’s son Garrett’s martial arts instructor. Cat dances a bit and keeps hitting Booker with the sticks as this is already boring. Booker starts his comeback but Cat hits him in the head with one of the sticks.

Some kendo stick shots have Booker in even more trouble as this just keeps going. A quick Book End gives Booker a breather and he hammers away with the kendo stick. Cue Shawn Stasiak to help Cat with the beatdown (I guess his fists count as weapons?) and Cat cartwheel kicks the chair into Booker’s face for the pin.

Rating: D-. Was there a point here that I was missing? This was a big waste of time as Cat still doesn’t have much of a personality yet. Also I love that their idea of pushing Booker is to have him lose matches because that’s going to get him over so quickly. Bad match because it was barely a match, though some of Cat’s stick shots looked good.

The Misfits come out for the save. Major Gunns loads up CPR for Booker but here are Bischoff and Kimberly to interrupt. The fans chant some swearing at Bischoff and it keeps getting censored, making it sound like Bischoff’s mic keeps cutting out. Bischoff talks about some business deal in California that is going to change the face of the New Blood. Eric offers the Misfits a spot in the New Blood but they tell them what he can kiss. In case he doesn’t get the idea, Major Gunns lowers her shorts for a visual.

The Millionaire’s Club, minus Nash, arrives. Hogan: “Nash is late again.” Sting: “That’s his gimmick. That’s his giz-immick.”

Post break, Bischoff fires Booker but can’t fire the Misfits for reasons that aren’t clear.

Russo and company are around Ric’s casket, which contains his robe and a huge nose. Everyone is all sad over this and I’m more sad that this idea was later used by TNA for Team 3D in one of their funniest segments ever. Why am I not watching that instead?

Madden cries as Terry Taylor arrives with Ric Flair’s son Reid.

Terry Funk held a press conference earlier today and might be retiring later tonight.

Here’s Daffney to say that Crowbar knows she’s the real Cruiserweight Champion so come out here right now to talk about this like reasonable adults.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Crowbar

They’re co-champions coming in as part of another story that hasn’t had a chance to go anywhere and is being blown off a week after it started. They thumb wrestle to start before Crowbar gives her an Indian burn. Cue Miss Hancock as Crowbar won’t hurricanrana Daffney off the top. She’ll give him one though, causing Crowbar to give her a slingshot splash. Crowbar immediately apologizes but here are Chris Candido and Tammy to attack him. Candido dropkicks a chair into Crowbar’s face and piledrives him onto the chair, giving Daffney (called Daffney Unger by Tony) the pin and the undisputed title.

Rating: D. What was wrong with Candido holding the title? He’s 28 here, a veteran and talented. Therefore, it’s time to put the belt on ANOTHER comedy act because that’s what Russo thinks is best for it. The cruiserweights were such an important part of WCW’s heyday so obviously the solution is to turn them into a joke right? Oh and male vs. female. That should be a drinking game: take a shot anytime a woman is attacked by a man. You’ll have a good buzz every week and it might even make the show go faster.

The Kid Cam is back and we see Torrie Wilson on Horace’s back giving him a massage.

Booker tells the Misfits to stay tuned next week.

Ralphus and Norman are washing cars for $1 apiece.

Kidman yells at Bischoff and company about Horace. Eric: “You’re the one that wanted to hang on to the hot looking blonde.” They come up to Torrie and make her referee. Eric beats up a referee and takes his shirt to give to Torrie. Kidman and Horace start brawling and I guess this is their match.

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

Torrie is guest refereeing and wearing a referee’s shirt that looks like a short dress on her. They come out to ringside and of course Bischoff jumps in on commentary, calling this internal politics. Kidman takes over inside and the camera keeps cutting to Bischoff, the real star of the match. Hogan comes back with a big boot and grabs a table. Cue Hulk as Kidman counters a powerbomb. Horace is placed on the table so Hogan throws Kidman off the top and through his nephew. Torrie is forced to count the pin.

Rating: D. I’m sick of this story and it’s getting worse every single week. I’ll give them credit for trying to do something with Kidman and Horace but the two of them are being treated like big pawns (ok maybe bishops) in the Hogan vs. Bischoff feud. As usual, the story is so convoluted and messy that I have no idea what the point is even supposed to be.

Hulk says Bischoff used to be a cool guy but now he’s heard Bischoff is going to have a special referee at the pay per view. He doesn’t care who it is because he’ll beat them up anyway. Oh and Eric is something censored. Is there a reason Hulk won’t say the pay per view’s name?

Jarrett and Russo make jokes around the casket.

Taylor asks Reid if he’s ok with everything.

The Filthy Animals arrive in a bouncing car and the Misfits take notice.

Here’s Terry Funk in a tuxedo for a major announcement. His daughter (who he calls Old Blue) is here in the front row. Funk’s family thinks this announcement is way overdue but Bischoff tells someone to go to the ring. He’s told his aunt Eleanor and uncle Dutch (Madden: “DUTCH???” Tony: “Yes, Dutch Funk.”) to watch tonight but here are Shane Douglas and some New Blood lackeys to interrupt. The announcement: Terry is a grandfather! Oh and he’s retiring June 1.

Make that June 1, 2001 because his contract was extended for another year. This brings the New Blood members to the ring and Terry is quickly beaten down. Two piledrivers onto the chair knocks him out and Funk’s daughter tries to come in, only to get shoved down. Shane covers him and Cat counts the pin (with Funk not even keeping his shoulder down after that kind of a beating). Douglas takes the title and knowing WCW, that counts as a title change.

The Misfits come out to help Ralphus and Norman was the Animals’ car. Gunns distracts Ralphus and Stash changes the buckets.

Clip of the Kanyon interview from Thunder.

Here’s Mike Awesome in a wheelchair and with a halo around his head and neck. He mocks Kanyon for being out of wrestling and says he wants Page to come out here for some reason. Instead he gets the Wall and it’s time for a tables vs. ambulance match. Tables vs. amb…..WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? It sounds like Russo was watching Frankenstein vs. the Wolfman one night and camp up with this match while he was falling asleep. Let’s get this over with.

The Wall vs. Mike Awesome

Wall kicks him in the face to start and scores with a powerslam. Not that it matters as Mike backdrops him through a table and wins it in less than 90 seconds. So it was a tables match. In Russo’s world, tables + ambulances = tables. Therefore, ambulances are in fact worthless.

Wall pops up and goes after Awesome but Shane Douglas runs out with a steel pipe. They fight into the back and Page pops out of an ambulance (because he was just in there) and everyone brawls.

We cut to the casket bring brought to the ring…..with Shane and Awesome in different clothes walking alongside it. This doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

Norman and Ralphus pour on whatever is in the new bucket. It looks like paint or paint remover.

It’s time for the Ric Flair funeral. We see a clip of Ric collapsing on Thunder and Russo goes on about how he told Ric to retire. The fans think he suck but Russo says he has the belt, which he returns to Jeff Jarrett for his third World Title in thirty six days. Russo pulls out Flair’s Rolex to throw in the casket and you know exactly what’s about to happen. Naturally Kevin Nash pops out of the casket because we haven’t seen him in a long time. He takes the title just in case you hadn’t forgotten those horrible days.

Post break Russo tells Nash that he has 45 minutes to give the title back or it’s a no holds barred match. The champ was in the background here and, again, this was all about Russo.

Here’s Scott Steiner with the Freaks dressed as University of Michigan cheerleaders. Steiner talks about the dark side of the moon rising and something that is bleeped out. As for the point tonight, Scott is now bringing his own circular cage called the Asylum and you can only get out by submitting.

Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner

Non-title because the US Title hasn’t meant anything in months. They start fighting as the cage is slowly lowered, making the gimmick even less important. Scott belly to bellies him down and puts on the Recliner but Scott falls for the Tank Abbott Goldberg entrance all over again. He lets go of the hold (after three minutes according to Madden) as Tank comes out with bolt cutters. Those don’t work so he beats up the guy that controls the cage and raises it up to help Rick beat Scott down. This brings out Nash (again) to help save Scott.

Pamela Paulshock, the new fake chest with a pretty blonde interviewer attached, asks Nash about what he just did. Nash wants a title shot tonight.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Liz is here with Palumbo along with the security. Page gets a quick two off a belly to belly, followed by a Batista Bomb for the same. Elizabeth slams Palumbo into a rollup for two before a double clothesline puts both guys down for an eight count. Cue Kimberly to hit Liz in the back with a ball bat so the referee leaves the ring, allowing Awesome to come in with the halo. Page looks at Awesome and stands there so Mike can hit him in the face. Palumbo racks Page for the win.

Luger comes out and takes a beating of his own. Palumbo hits him in the face with the exercise bar and Luger has to go out on a stretcher.

Kimberly blames Liz for what just happened to her. I’m having a lot of trouble feeling sorry for Liz when she hasn’t taken one of her 948 chances to escape.

Here are Terry Taylor and 12 year old Reid Flair, the latter of whom wants his brother David to come out. David and Daffney come out and Reid apologizes for whatever he’s done because the family needs David. Daffney hits Terry with the Statue of Liberty but Reid, an amateur wrestling champion, double legs David down. David pops back up and puts him in the Figure Four until security breaks it up.

Vampiro vs. Hulk Hogan

Remember when this was a thing a few months ago? Well this time Vampiro comes out with a blowtorch and a can of gasoline. Vampiro jumps him to start and knocks Hogan out to the floor. A superkick knocks Hogan up against the barricade but he comes right back with punches to the face.

Hogan chairs him in the back and beats up the table for a bit before it’s weightlifting belt time. Madden runs down WWF’s finishes as Hogan slams Vampiro down. Madden: “I’m orgasmic!” Hogan kicks him low and drops the leg but opts to punch instead of cover. This brings in Kidman to hit Hogan in the head with the blowtorch to give Vampiro the pin.

Rating: F. Weapons, run-ins, Mark Madden’s orgasms. Pick a reason why this was bad and go from there.

Sting saves Hogan from being set on fire (little reaction) and lays Vampiro out.

It was in fact paint remover, triggering another brawl between the Misfits and the Animals. Major Gunns has to reluctantly give Ralphus mouth to mouth. Naturally she winds up getting tongue, which Tony finds hilarious.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

It’s not clear if Jarrett is defending or if the title is vacant coming in. Before the bell rings, cue Russo to knock out the referee and take over his job. That’s very manly of him. Jeff hammers away to start but walks into Snake Eyes. Tony casually throws in that this is falls count anywhere. Russo’s slow count is good for one and Jeff pops up for a chair to Nash’s head. Nash no sells it of course and follows Jeff to the floor.

Another Snake Eyes on the apron is good for one as Russo crotch chops Kevin instead. A belt shot barely puts Nash down and Russo maces him to break up the Jackknife. There’s a bad looking Stroke but cue Steiner to beat Jeff down. That earns Steiner mace as well, allowing security to handcuff him to the ropes.

Nash starts choking Russo as he covers Jeff but it’s only good for two. They head outside with Nash loading up a powerbomb on Russo, only to have the blood fall……next to them. Nash is nice enough to take a step to the side so it at least touches him, allowing Jarrett to guitar him down and get the pin for the title. Or maybe to keep it as it’s not really clear.

Rating: D-. The fact that WCW still doesn’t seem to know whether or not that’s a new champion or a title defense sums up the show quite well. As usual it was way too much at once and the whole thing came off as a big mess that was thrown together instead of anything that I might want to watch.

Bischoff comes out to say that’s just the beginning for Nash. The people can bite them. Jeff declares himself the Chosen One again to end the show. That’s a cry for attention if I’ve ever heard one.

Overall Rating: F. This show was such a disaster that I don’t even know where to start. There were way too many gimmick matches (many of which ranged from stupid to nonsensical), plot devices flying by in minutes instead of over a week, ridiculous editing errors such and WAY too much Russo. That continues to be the biggest problem: Russo is all over this show and everything is about him. There’s almost nothing good about this show and it’s the same problems over and over again. WCW is beyond one saving grace at this point and it’s creating more problems for itself every single week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #240
Date: May 15, 2000
Location: Mississippi Coast Coliseum, Biloxi, Mississippi
Attendance: 8,550
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson

The shows had been picking up for a bit until this past Thunder was another disaster with everything being all screwy and focused on Russo. It’s not clear what we’re getting for a main event at the Great American Bash but in theory it’s going to be Flair vs. Jarrett for the title. Then again the most logical option at this point would be Russo vs. Terry Funk as those two have been some of the most featured names on the roster in recent weeks. Let’s get to it.

Vampiro vs. Sting

We’re opening with a match. Of course it’s not a wrestling match though because why do that when you can have a GIMMICK MATCH? This is the House of Pain, which is a cage match but you have to handcuff all four of your opponent’s limbs to the ropes to win. At least the cage has a roof on it to make it a bit cooler. Sting climbs to the top of the cage to start and pounds a hole through the roof to get in. Well that’s different. Vampiro grabs a Saito Suplex to take over as I try to figure out why he didn’t grab the BASEBALL BAT that Sting dropped as he was climbing into the cage.

Vampiro stomps him down and screams a lot before kneeing Sting low. A nice spinning kick to the face drops Sting again but he pops back up with a bunch of clotheslines (Hudson: “POWERBOMB AFTER POWERBOMB!”) and a whip into the cage. Vampiro gets shackled face first against the cage but Sting would rather hit a bunch of Stinger Splashes to Vampiro’s back. The match just ends with no bell as Sting walks out.

Rating: D. Normally I would ask why this wasn’t the pay per view match but there’s no mystery here. This has Russo written all over it as he took a match which didn’t need to take place yet and put a big gimmick on top of it to open a show with no warning. I like the idea of opening with a match, but as usual it’s one step forward after fourteen steps back while stopping for a swerve along the way.

The cage starts rising up with Vampiro attached. The lights go out and Vampiro is gone when they come back up.

Shane Douglas attacks Brian Clark in the parking lot. The Goldberg truck is seen in the background.

Captain Rection gives the Misfits a pep talk and gives them their new names: Chavo Guerrero Jr. is now Lieutenant Loco and Van Hammer is Major Stash. They have a new recruit named Major Gunns, who used to be one of the NWO girls.

Kronik comes out with the Tag Team Titles and they’re introduced as champions. Wait when did they win the belts? I thought Bag….never mind as I don’t want to hear the explanation. They want Douglas and Bagwell out here right now. Shane comes out and says Bagwell has been suspended for thirty days but he has backup for this title match.

Tag Team Titles; Shane Douglas/The Wall vs. Kronik

It’s a brawl to start (of course) with Clark chasing Douglas to the back. Wall chokeslams Adams but Clark takes him to the floor for some clubberin. A belly to back suplex puts Clark through a table and splashes Adams through another one. Kronik pops back up and chokeslams Wall onto (not through) the announcers’ table for a pin back inside.

Rating: D. That was a match? I still have no idea if Kronik are really the champions or not but to be fair I don’t think WCW really knows either. Wall looked good and there’s no shame in getting beaten up by two monsters like Kronik. Whatever gets the belts off the dead team of Douglas and Bagwell is a good idea though so why not Kronik.

Wall beats up the paramedics.

Disco tries to join the New Blood but Bischoff blows him off. Terry Funk comes in and still won’t hand over the Hardcore Title. Ernest Miller jumps him and Bischoff goes on about his business as the beating ensues in the back.

Norman Smiley and Ralphus are in the parking lot and in need of a job. The Goldberg truck looms.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Filthy Animals

Funk is defending of course and it’s Juvy/Mysterio/Konnan here. Miller attacks Funk on the way to the ring because just three on one isn’t enough of a challenge for him. The trio starts fast and thankfully Miller leaves so it’s not as one sided. A bunch of weapon shots put Funk down and Rey takes a chair to the top for Sabu’s Atomic Arabian Facebuster. Cue the Misfits in Action to attack the Animals but Disco Inferno runs in to help the Animals. Booker T. runs in and cleans house before draping Funk’s arm over Juvy for the pin to retain. Funk hadn’t moved for the last minute and a half.

Rating: F. STOP WITH THE TERRY FUNK STUFF! At this point, Funk is arguably the strongest pushed face on the roster as he keeps winning over these impossible odds and is one of Bischoff’s main targets. That’s really the best thing they can come up with? This wasn’t a match of course but that’s how it goes around here anymore.

Post match Major Gunns bounces to the ring to take off her top and give Funk mouth to mouth.

Ric Flair arrives.

Norman and Ralphus get jobs selling popcorn.

Ric charges into the New Blood’s office to find Russo but Bischoff says he doesn’t know where Russo is. Flair leaves and Bischoff sends Miller to warn Russo.

Chris Candido and Tammy come out and issue an open challenge to any other couple for a mixed tag for the Cruiserweight Title.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Candido/Tammy vs. Daffney/Crowbar

The guys slug it out to start as Tony acts like this is a perfectly logical decision on all sides. Cue Miss Hancock to watch and continue a story that has somehow gone backwards after all these months. Candido superplexes Crowbar down and drops the top rope headbutt for two with Daffney making the save. Everything breaks down and Crowbar tries to suplex Tammy as Candido holds Daffney back. Yes that’s backwards and no, the announcers don’t mention that it’s backwards.

Tammy actually counters into a small package for two before taking Crowbar down with a swinging neckbreaker. Crowbar doesn’t seem to mind as he slingshots into a splash on Candido for two before taking him outside for a Vader Bomb off the barricade. Tammy baseball slides a chair into Crowbar’s face and everything breaks down again.

Daffney gives Tammy a Bronco Buster but it’s time for Hancock to dance, which she says is for Tony. In the distraction, Crowbar gives Candido a sitout gordbuster on the ramp, allowing Daffney to roll Tammy up for the pin and the title. It’s not clear who champion is now, meaning the Cruiserweight Title is in the same place as the Tag Team Titles.

Rating: D-. This is the definition of Russo having fun instead of doing something that makes sense. Let’s look at this for a second. Candido came up with this match on the fly and we just happen to have a couple (as in one of what, three on the roster?) come out and fight for the Cruiserweight Title. Then, after stupid stuff like Candido holding Daffney back from saving Tammy for reasons that make no sense, Crowbar and Daffney win the title (I guess?) in a WACKY moment. Russo gets to laugh and another title gets to be treated like a joke.

Daffney and Crowbar both hold the title and seem to argue over who is the real champion.

We don’t have time to figure out what’s going on here though as Ric Flair comes out and beats up Crowbar, just in case the Cruiserweight Title was going to seem important for a few moments. Apparently this is over something that happened in Flair’s house over the weekend which we’ll get to see later. At least there’s a story to it.

Flair demands that Russo get out here right now but Russo is in the truck telling someone to play the tape when he tells them to. After a break, Russo is still demanding that Russo get out here.

Now we cut to Sting, who is going to his car but finds it on fire.

Back to Flair (that Sting bit was interjected with no intro or exit and it was right back to the arena) and the tape airs. It’s David driving a nice car up to Ric’s house with Daffney in the trunk and Russo in the front seat. David says the limo out front is for when his stepmother goes to get the groceries. They go inside and David looks at a portrait of him with his brother Reid and sister Ashley (now known as Charlotte), who he says put unfair expectations on him.

They go into Ric’s bedroom so Daffney can bounce on the bed before looking at the pool. David says his pool is a muddy creek, which Russo says is shark infested. Russo steals a robe out of the closet and then takes him into Reid’s room to complain about Ric never coming to David’s games. David claims that he had to sleep in an unfinished basement but Beth, Ashley (who looks like a blonde Stephanie McMahon) and Reid show up. Russo yells at all of them and leaves wearing the robe.

Back in the arena, David and Daffney come to the stage. Ric tells David to come to the ring and David actually does it. Tonight, David is going to grow up. Ric talks about watching David yell at Arn Anderson on Wednesday but David erupts about having to be Ric’s son for all these years. Daffney sticks her tongue out at Ric as he talks about earning a World Title shot at the Great American Bash. Instead, he’s having that match tonight and wants to face David at the pay per view.

Ric says we’re not going to talk about family business on TV because they’ll fight at the Bash. David wants Ric to be ready but Ric gives is standard promo about Dusty Rhodes, Sting and Lex Luger trying to take him out over the years. Ric says he’ll retire if he loses at the Bash and calls David an embarrassment to the family. Jeff Jarrett sneaks in and hits Ric with the guitar. He slaps on the Figure Four and David beats on Ric for a bit.

I get the idea of the story here, but Ric is looking like the most self centered jerk of all time. His son is clearly having a breakdown right in front of him over all the pressure his dad has put on him but Ric is too busy talking about having a World Title shot and blaming David for being manipulated by all the people in wrestling. Remember about a year ago when Ric brought David into this business and made him US Champion? Well neither does Ric because he’s too busy looking out for himself than for his son. For once, I actually get the idea Russo is presenting here, even though I doubt it’s what he had in mind.

Russo yells at Liz in the back and has some tough love for her. She gets to go inside a cage tonight.

Back from a break with the cage lowered and Russo and Liz coming to the ring. They’re fixing the roof of the cage as Russo yells at Liz for humiliating him over the last few weeks. Tonight she’s going to learn in a House of Pain match against Madusa, who Liz hit with a chair last week.

Madusa vs. Miss Elizabeth

Palumbo is watching the door so just get Luger out here already. Russo is in the cage as the bell rings and keeps yelling at Liz. He yells about Liz being from Kentucky and wants her to slap him now. Dude, we get it. You’re doing this because you’ve wanted Liz for like fifteen years now and you’ll be thinking of every single detail of this during your private time later because you got to be a big dominant man over a woman. I really don’t need to see your fantasies coming to life.

So anyway, Luger is the technician on the roof and comes in to clean house and rack Madusa. Ask your own questions about how Luger got up there in that uniform in the three minutes between Russo announcing the match and coming to the ring. Luger cleans house until security breaks the door open and maces him. It’s 12-1 until Kevin Nash makes the save. Funk and Nash need to team up as the Overcomers after they regularly beat these ridiculous odds week after week.

Security leaves Nash alone with Madusa but Mike Awesome comes in to lay Nash out. This of course means it’s time for MORE RUSSO as he comes out, only to leave with Awesome. Nash grabs the mic and wants Awesome in an ambulance match tonight. Awesome says it’s on. That would be the fifth gimmick match of the night.

Scott Steiner and his women arrive and rip up the format. Wait….this was the structured version??? He’ll be waiting out back for Tank and Rick Steiner because there are too many rules in wrestling.

Norman and Ralphus give out popcorn. There’s no story advancement here but I’ll take what I can get.

Rick and Tank go outside to fight Scott, including Rick breaking a 2×4 over his back. The Goldberg truck shows up and crushes about six cars to chase them off.

Nash is backing an ambulance into the arena.

Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome

Ambulance match just because. Nash hammers away as you would expect him to but Awesome comes back with a flying clothesline. It’s chair time though and Nash blasts him in the back as Tony talks about relaxed rules. That’s fine in theory but it’s a gimmick match (as is way too common anymore) with no rules. Try to keep up Schiavone.

They fight up the stage with Awesome hitting him low and setting up a table next to the ambulance. Cue Diamond Dallas Page with a Diamond Cutter to Mike on the ramp. A double powerbomb off the stage puts Awesome through the table (ugly bump as Nash couldn’t get him up and Page had to help Awesome down or he would have broken his neck) and the match is over without the ambulance being involved.

Rating: F. When you have this many gimmicks in one night, at least use the gimmicks. After the non-finish in the previous match (can you really even call it one?) they do this because Nash can’t just put him in the ambulance? There’s a chance Awesome was injured, but that could be because Nash shouldn’t be trying to do spots like that on someone as big as Awesome.

Bischoff is watching on a monitor and says he’ll do it himself.

Hogan arrives.

Ralphus has popcorn stuck in his teeth. Crack jokes ensue and Norman thinks they should expand into selling drinks. Ralphus reaches down his pants and then goes into the popcorn so they’re both fired with no pay.

Here are Bischoff/Miller/Kimberly with something to say. Bischoff brags about Page’s impending divorce and says he wants to beat up Page himself. Page better bring some backup with him too. Cue Page to call Miller a pussycat before cleaning house. Kimberly hits Page in the face with a chair and Miller adds a spinning kick but here’s Sid for the first time in a month to stand on the apron. He makes Page tag him (so fitting from Sid) before he’ll come in and…..chokeslam Page. Does this really surprise anyone?

Just in case that angle is about to set in on anyone, Hogan comes out and clears the ring in about three seconds. Bischoff says Hogan is a dead man.

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan vs. Hulk Hogan

Wait didn’t the New Blood destroy Horace on Thunder? Ah yes we get a clip of that but Horace is back here and on the New Blood’s side. Well of course he is. Hudson brings up the fact that Bischoff is doing the same thing to the Hogans that Russo is doing to the Flairs. Before that can sink in though, Tony says this is a three way dance. Why would Bischoff book it as anything but a handicap match? Bischoff jumps in on commentary of course.

Horace stands in the corner as Hulk beats Kidman up. Kidman’s forearms to the back have no effect and Hulk catapults him out to the ramp. It’s time for the weightlifting belt and Bischoff wants a DQ. Back in and Kidman begs Horace for help but Hulk suplexes Kidman for two. They head outside with Hulk posting Kidman, only to come back with a low blow. Eric: “Tremendous uppercut by the Kidster!”

Back in and Hulk no sells the low shot so Kidman does it again. Horace throws Kidman at Hulk, drawing Bischoff to the apron for some yelling. Horace knocks Eric out to the floor so here are the Filthy Animals. The Hogans get chairs and clean house but cue Torrie in a leopard print dress to wink at Horace, who then blasts Hulk with a chair for the pin.

Rating: D. As usual, take fifteen angles and pile it into a five minute match. This was way too much at once and Russo and Bischoff probably thought it needed more. The Hogan feud isn’t doing anything for Kidman as he doesn’t actually win any of the big matches, but why would Hulk be interested in making someone new who could draw more money for the company and ultimately Hulk himself?

Tony doesn’t understand what’s going on between Torrie and Horace. Tony Schiavone can be really, really stupid at times.

Torrie and Horace leave together and Kidman isn’t happy. Eric comes up and says they’ll talk about this. Tony STILL doesn’t get it.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff is defending. Nash is watching in the back and Russo is wearing Ric’s robe, plus what appear to be some of Reid’s medals. We’re even graced with Russo on commentary for more of that New Yawk accent. Of course it’s a brawl to start and Ric takes it to the announcers’ table early on. They get inside for the first time with Jeff pulling up the bottom rope for a low blow.

It’s back to the floor with Jeff driving a chair into Ric’s ribs and leg as Tony wants David to think for himself. Jeff puts on the Figure Four as Russo reminds us that Ric quit last week. That’s the first mention of that forgotten angle tonight so they almost got away with it. Ric makes the rope for the break and comes back with a low blow. Jarrett slams him off the top but Ric grabs a small package for World Title #15.

Rating: C-. He did it with a wrestling move. How about that? This is one of the few moments that makes sense as you have to give Flair SOMETHING after having him get destroyed so many times. That being said, if you want Jarrett to look like a serious main eventer, stop giving him eight day title reigns.

Russo and David beat Ric down again after the match. Vince leaves with the title but Nash comes out to take it away from him. Nash powerbombs Jarrett through the ring and stands tall because the new World Champion is just a guy. At least he hands the title to Flair.

Bischoff tells someone that they have a plan that they’ll start Wednesday morning. Shane Douglas is placed in charge at Thunder. Of all the people, you pick SHANE DOUGLAS?

Flair holds up the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This was every Russo idea stuffed into one show and cranked up to about seventeen. All night long it was cramming all kinds of stuff into a single segment, followed by people turning on each other and of course Russo. Russo here, Russo there and Russo in the background of other scenes.

Now at least they have something resembling stories going on, but the problem is there are so many ideas going on that you can’t keep up with them. Take the Liz vs. Madusa stuff for instance. They do the match, Luger making the save, Awesome coming out and then Nash coming out in the span of five minutes. There’s so much going on that I have no idea if any of them had an impact on me or not.

The one thing I’m sure of is I’m sick of Russo on camera. It’s the same I’M FROM NEW YORK stuff over and over again as the women keep getting beaten up by men or yelled at by Russo because he needs to validate his masculinity eighteen times a night. I’m tired of seeing Russo all the time because there’s no payoff for him. It’s all “I’m Vince Russo and I hate tradition but there’s nothing you can do about it because I’m from New York and smart and stuff.” Just picture that for three hours plus four or five gimmick matches a night and you have this episode of Nitro. Oh and Russo because he hasn’t been mentioned enough lately.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #239
Date: May 8, 2000
Location: Trans World Dome, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 6,545
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

Sanity. I beg of you, let there be some sanity on this show. We’re FINALLY past the David Arquette title scene, meaning it’s time to start the build to Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett for the World Title at the Great American Bash. Last night’s show was pretty much a disaster, which you could actually argue as a major upgrade. There might even be rules tonight! Let’s get to it.

By the way: the Trans World Dome has a capacity of 66,000 people. Whoever decided to book this building needs to be shot.

We open with a recap from last night which doesn’t work in a minute long package either.

Page is sitting next to Kanyon’s hospital bed with Kanyon in a halo. The New Blood came in and destroyed Page because, as Punk said on Raw that one time, security around here sucks. Kimberly emptied a bedpan on him because that kind of stuff is funny you see.

The Millionaire’s Club’s bus arrives. You can hear Flair talking about wrestling history in this city from here.

Here’s the New Blood, complete with David Arquette in a yellow suit and matching fur coat, to open things up. Bischoff goes through the entire plan of being in league with Arquette the whole time and how they handed Page and then Arquette the title just because they felt like it. So in other words, they did this whole thing for the sake of having fun and were willing to just drop the title because they were bored one day?

Bischoff says he did it to get under the skin of the internet wrestling fans who all thought it was a disgrace to have Arquette win the title. He wanted to royally screw Page. So…..he made him World Champion? Arquette does the big over the top heel speech about how you can’t trust anyone from Hollywood and he roped Page in and because World Champion. Jarrett brags a bit and we cut to the back to see Page arriving. Kimberly says it’s all about her and rips open her coat to reveal very little clothing aside from a purple sports bra with ME written on it. Bischoff: “It’s all about…..her!”

Awesome makes fun of Kanyon being crippled and here’s Page for the brawl. House is cleaned and Arquette takes a Diamond Cutter, only to have Jarrett, Awesome and Cat come back in for the beatdown. This brings out Sting to clean house, which draws in Bagwell/Douglas (confirmed as the champions. It only took five days to figure that out, but Kronik cancels them out and the Millionaire’s Club stands tall.

Post break, Bischoff makes Awesome vs. Page in a stretcher match and Sting vs. Jarrett in a title match.

Hardcore Title: Ralphus/Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending and Norman/Ralphus are fired if they lose. Norman sends Ralphus after Funk first and it works even worse than you would expect it to. The champ knocks Norman into the crowd and they quickly fight into the back with Smiley jumping into a golf cart to chase Funk around.

Terry gets on the back of the card and they go crashing into some crates. This is eerily reminiscent of Kane vs. Raven vs. Big Show at Wrestlemania XVII. They wind up in the kitchen and start beating each other over the head with cookie sheets. Ralphus joins them and gets beaten down all over again. Funk pounds them both down with a sheet and gets the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Oh come on how can you not love Ralphus? It’s a stupid match and a stupid idea that needs to die already but I had a good time with this due to them cutting it down to about four minutes instead of the ten minutes they went at Slamboree. This was one of the more entertaining hardcore matches with the golf cart as a funny idea. Norman and Ralphus have potential.

The announcers talk about David Flair turning on his dad.

Ric tells Luger that he has to deal with David on his own.

Here’s Ric to talk about how Terry Funk told him if he wanted to be a big star, he had to make it to St. Louis on a Friday night. He holds up the NWA World Heavyweight Title (held by Naoya Ogawa at this point) and talks about first seeing it around the waist of Jack Brisco and they gave every single thing they had to be the biggest stars in the world. Then that title went away and the current World Title (Flair holds up a bad looking copy) took its place. “Jarrett, it was mine before it was yours.”

All of this gold means nothing though when you compare it to what happened last night. Ric wants David to come out here right now and apologize for what he did and be his own man instead of trying to be Ric Flair. Cue David and Daffney but Russo quickly joins them. Last night, Russo spat in the face of a long list of people who stand for tradition. Of course he has an actual list and the top name is Ric himself. Now David is standing next to the father that he never had.

Ric tells David that they discussed this when he got in the business a year ago. He told David that people would pull him aside and try to manipulate him. David says he’s angry at Ric (he doesn’t say dad) and Russo wants to make father vs. son at the Great American Bash. Ric pulls out his phone and says he’ll call Vince McMahon right now and have David on Raw next week. David hugs Ric, who goes after Russo, only to have David hit Ric with another Statute of Liberty. The angle is good and interesting, but as usual it’s all about making Russo look good.

Post break, Ric says he’s had it and leaves.

Here’s Chuck Palumbo to Luger’s (the announcers are using the name again) entrance to introduce himself. He calls out Luger so here’s Lex to clean house. Russo and Bischoff’s security comes out to kidnap Liz (again?) but Luger goes after them, allowing Palumbo to hit Lex with the exercise bar. Liz is taken away.

Post break Russo yells at Liz and puts her in her first ever match against Daffney. If Liz wins, she can go with Luger.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Captain Rection

Stasiak runs down Mark McGwire for some easy heat. Rection shrugs off some early offense and pounds down right hands in the corner. Cue Miss Hancock to watch as Hennig comes down to shove Stasiak out of the way of a splash. The PerfectPlex gives Stasiak the pin.

Kevin Nash comes out and destroys Stasiak with a big boot and Jackknife. Nash wants Russo to come out here and face him tonight because he didn’t kill Nash last night. Instead he gets the Filthy Animals with Kidman saying that Nash is low on the scrotum pole (censored when Kidman says it, not censored when Madden repeats it).

Last night Kidman got rid of Hogan and tonight he’d be glad to get rid of another giant. Konnan says screw the Wolfpac and Nash’s over the top shocked face is rather funny. Rey gets in a bat shot to Nash’s knee but Hogan (Madden: “Oh no not again.”) makes the save. Nash grabs the mic and issues a challenge for a street fight tonight. Hogan says first they have to take a Russo and wipe their Bischoff. I bet he spent all day coming up with that line.

Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Stretcher match. Bischoff and Kimberly are here for commentary. Page is on Awesome during the entrance and they’re quickly on the floor. He throws Mike onto the announcers’ table but Awesome comes back with a right hand to the head as they go inside. They miss a few shots until Page finally nails a big clothesline.

A DDT drops Mike again but Kimberly wants Page to sign the divorce papers RIGHT NOW. Awesome gets in a cheap shot and DDT’s Page on a chair twice in a row. Page gets off the stretcher though so Awesome hits him with a chair to bust him open. A powerbomb puts Page through the table and Bischoff has Page sign the papers in his own blood before putting him on the stretcher for the win.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t wild on this one as it was much more story than a match but at least they gave it some time (well time by this era’s standards) for a change. The stuff with Kimberly is fine but again it comes off like a way to have Bischoff next to a gorgeous woman instead of any valid storyline reason.

Russo asks Steiner for protection tonight but Steiner blows him off. Post break Russo is asking Tank Abbott.

Jarrett says he’ll win tonight.

Here are Steiner and the girls with something to say. Steiner talks about beating Rection last night and he found one of his own with the girls at the hotel. After some more sex talk, Steiner calls out that amoeba Booker T. Tank Abbott comes in from behind and knocks Steiner out cold.

Sting says he’ll win tonight.

Harlem Heat vs. Kronik vs. Harris Twins vs. Mamalukes

Elimination rules. Adams and Clark have the title belts so Bagwell and Douglas to watch. Kronik fights off all six men until it’s one of the Twins in the ring. Clark takes him down with a top rope clothesline but let’s cut to Steiner in the back shouting for Tank. Schiavone: “He may be looking for Tank Abbott!” Everyone gets in for another big brawl but Adams hits an F5 for the pin on Vito to even things up a bit more. A big boot takes out Don and it’s 2-2 so Bagwell and Douglas try to help. Harlem Heat double teams Clark down but Cash screws up, leaving High Times to knock Big T. silly and give Kronik the win.

Rating: D. This was another big mess that didn’t get anywhere because it was too much going on. Kronik is clearly getting the titles soon and it’s a good thing to get them off the transitional champions as fast as possible. It also goes to show you how far the division has fallen recently, but at least the Twins are just another team.

Scott Steiner comes out and beats up whoever is in his way before calling out Russo and Abbott. A lot of swearing sends us to the back where Tank is telling someone to get this right. Back from a break and Goldberg’s music plays. Steiner looks bored and it’s Tank Abbott doing Goldberg’s entrance. Tank gets caught in a t-bone suplex followed by a belly to belly before Steiner mounts him with a choke. Rick Steiner returns through the crowd and helps Tank beat him down.

Russo tells someone to be on standby.

Elizabeth vs. Daffney

Liz is in camo pants and a black t-shirt and starts catfighting. Cue Madusa about thirty seconds in to attack Liz, so I guess Liz is free. Granted she’ll be kidnapped again next week.

Mona comes in to brawl with Madusa but Madusa slams her down and stands on her hair. The bell rings roughly 200 times as Madusa beats Mona down, only to have Liz blast Madusa with a chair. Russo and Bischoff’s security kidnaps Liz again as they’re in a hurry this week.

Hulk Hogan/Kevin Nash vs Filthy Animals/Mike Awesome

Street fight. Tony says the previous match was thrown out but I’m the kind of wrestling fan who believes that it’s a DQ when someone comes out to attack a single wrestler so we’ll say it’s a bad continuity error. It’s 4-2 (Konnan/Mysterio/Kidman/Awesome) to start but Juvy walks out a few seconds in. The old guys take over to start but Hogan gets lured to the back. Horace attacks Awesome but the Animals have attacked Hogan with ball bats (he didn’t go off his feet) and thrown him in the trunk of a car. Back in the arena, Nash gives Juvy one heck of a Jackknife as the street fight is thrown out.

The Animals start driving Hogan away but get cut off by Goldberg’s monster truck. Goldberg isn’t seen and Hogan gets out of the trunk post break.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting

Jarrett is defending of course. Sting starts fast with some Japanese armdrags of all things, followed by a clothesline to put the champ on the floor. A suplex from the floor puts Jeff on the ramp (that’s a new one) but Sting misses a top rope splash. Jeff goes after the knee with a chair as Tony wonders why Jarrett didn’t want this to be a title match. Sting gets a big running start down the ramp and dives over the top with a clothesline. So much for the chair shots to the knee.

Jeff didn’t get the idea though and puts on the Figure Four until Sting rolls over to break it up. Sting makes his comeback and cleans house. The Scorpion comes on but Vampiro comes up through the ring with smoke coming out of the hole. Vampiro pulls Sting through the hole and the fans are LIVID. Vampiro pulls Sting, now covered with the red liquid, through the hole to give Jeff the pin. So Madusa coming after Liz is enough to throw a match out but someone pulling a wrestler THROUGH THE RING isn’t?

Rating: D+. This was as good of a wrestling match as you were going to get before the screwy ending. Jarrett and Sting are a good example of a pair who doesn’t need any kind of outside stuff to have a good match and the fans were right to be upset due to that ending. It was straight out of Kane’s (as in what Kane did like a week before this was written fifteen years later. That’s sad) playbook and that’s not going to fly in an old school down like St. Louis.

New Blood comes out and goes after Sting but here are Hogan and Nash. We cut to the back to see the Goldberg truck destroying Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner’s car to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Of course that’s on an extremely sliding scale at this point. This was by far the best Russo and Bischoff show yet as it actually had some structure. It went from story to story and it didn’t feel like I needed note cards to keep track of what was going on. Above all else though, Arquette was taking a backseat to the real wrestlers and not doing anything overly stupid. This flowed so much better as a show and you could tell what was going on, which is more than you can say for most of their shows.

Now that doesn’t make it a good show of course. As usual, there’s still WAY too much Russo and Bischoff, as well as way too much going on in a single show. I still feel like I just watched three weeks of stories in two hours, but the stories made better sense and had some structure instead of all the insanity.

Above all else though, the show isn’t one major story. The show is built around the New Blood vs. Millionaire’s Club, but it feels like a bunch of parts of that story instead of one big idea that keeps going all night long. Finally, it’s also not a good sign that they couldn’t make it a week without changing Flair’s plan for the pay per view, but Heaven forbid we get a match built up for that long. The idea of Russo having to fill that much time is terrifying. Much better show this week, but I have no faith for them to keep it going.

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Slamboree 2000
Date: May 7, 2000
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 7,165
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s time for the David Arquette pay per view with the triple cage match which has only been vaguely described on TV. Coming off this week’s Nitro and Thunder where there was barely any build for most of the matches, it’s really hard to get into this show. Maybe there will be some actual effort this time, though I have a feeling I’m going to be disappointed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Thunder, which set up Great American Bash next month. Notice that: they don’t even have anything to build up for this month’s show so they’re already talking about June. That’s a really bad sign.

The Millionaire’s Club arrives on a bus. I’m sure their promos in the arena on the pre-show were a figment of my imagination.

We go to the opening video, which starts by talking about Flair vs. Douglas. Is that really the most important thing to talk about? The other big matches get some time too in the best video they’ve done on the show so far. They’re actually talking about some matches for a change.

There’s a long entrance ramp back. I’ve always been a fan of those.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Candido vs. The Artist

Candido is defending and Artist hasn’t won a match on TV since March. Tammy offers to show the fans hers in the Show Me State. A quick rollup gets two for the champ but a second attempt is countered into a German suplex for two for the Artist. They pick things up a bit with Artist backdropping Candido to the floor, only to be whipped into the barricade. Candido goes up but Artist kind of clotheslines him out of the air. It looked like a spear with no impact so we’ll call it a clothesline.

Back in and a hurricanrana gets two for Artist but The champ comes back with chops in the corner. Artist gets knocked to the apron and suplexes Candido over the top in the only good spot of the match so far. Chris gives him a low blow (there are referees tonight but they’re as worthless as ever) but Artist comes back with a bad powerbomb.

Candido’s hurricanrana off the top is blocked and Artist hits a middle rope Samoan drop. Tammy tries to interfere and triggers a catfight, only to have Tammy chair Artist for a close two. They even played Candido’s music but the referee says keep going. Candido piledrives Artist and drops the top rope headbutt to retain.

Rating: D. Artist is dull and boring most of the time but here he was adding in blowing spots. To be fair though, Candido wasn’t really helping here as he kept blowing things left and right as well. This was such a boring time for the title as 3 Count and the Jung Dragons, as in the guys who could actually be entertaining with the title, have been forgotten for this company wide story. It felt like an old NWA Junior Heavyweight Title match where smaller guys who didn’t wrestle a different style had dull matches and no one cared but it was its own division and therefore supposed to be special.

Paisley rips off Tammy’s dress and crawls over to Artist.

The announcers explain the cage for the first time.

Video of Terry Funk getting beaten up a lot. Now you get to see him defend a title.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley/???

Funk is defending and Norman has a mystery partner who is obviously Ralphus. Norman hides in the bathroom to start because it worked so well last month. Funk finds the mystery partner (wearing a catcher’s mask) instead, allowing Norman to blast Funk with a fire extinguisher. Why he doesn’t hit him with the extinguisher itself isn’t clear but Norman isn’t the brightest guy in the world.

Funk gets rammed into a Coke machine until the light goes out and some trashcan lid shots get two. They brawl through the back until Terry throws Norman through Gene’s interview set. The mystery partner gets on a pile of carpet and throws boxes at Terry, allowing Madden to make pitcher and catcher jokes. Some trashcan shots get two on Norman as the mystery partner just stands around letting Norman get destroyed.

Funk hits him with a chair for two as the partner doesn’t even break up the cover. They fight to the go position (Tony: “HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE RING???” I would say listen for the cheering but that’s not happening at a WCW show.) and then into the arena with Funk dragging the partner to the ring. Madden think it’s Bubba the Love Sponge. The mask comes off and of course it’s Ralphus.

Funk accidentally pulls Ralphus’ pants down as Norman attacks with a ladder. Madden: “Not since I was attacked by Tank Abbott have we seen……wait what am I saying?” Ok that was kind of funny. A chair to Funk’s head sets up the Big Wiggle but Ralphus, who has lost his shirt, wants to join in. Funk comes back with some chair shots and rolls Norman up to retain.

Rating: C. It’s stupid, it’s goofy, and it’s probably the most entertaining thing on this show. Ralphus is one of those ideas where they knew exactly what they had and didn’t try to make it anything more than that. This was good fun and Norman continues to be the most underrated thing in WCW.

David Arquette arrives half an hour into the show and says he’s got his own money so he’s not with the Millionaire’s Club. Don’t let the smile fool you: he’s scared. They’re actually trying to treat this seriously and that’s even dumber than putting Arquette in the story in the first place.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

Feeling out process to start as the announcers debate what they can call either guy without getting in trouble for gimmick infringement. A hiptoss puts Stasiak on the floor and he comes back in to fight over a top wristlock. Shawn gets two off a sunset flip as the Misfits in Action are in the front row in different color fatigues. Out to the floor now with Stasiak choking over the announcers’ table before they head to the ramp.

Hennig throws his back out while trying a slam and Shawn puts on a sleeper back inside. As usual, Stasiak is really dull in the ring. Totally adequate and not bad by any stretch, but dull. Hennig breaks it up after two arm drops and punches Shawn out of the air to take over. Not that it matters as Stasiak catapults him into the post and puts on the HennigPlex for the pin.

Rating: D+. Totally watchable match and probably the most technically sound things are going to get all night but I really didn’t need to watch eight minutes of Stasiak being dull before getting the pin. I guess Stasiak is supposed to be the new Mr. Perfect. It would be nice if we had heard a promo from Stasiak where he said that, but that’s probably asking too much from WCW.

Russo tells Steiner to keep the New Blood roll going. Steiner doesn’t seem pleased.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus

Steiner is defending. First up though, Morrus renames himself Hugh G. Rection or Captain Rection for short. Well of course he did. Steiner hammers him down in the corner but Rection comes back with enough right hands to put Scott on the floor for a breather. Back in and a spinwheel kick of all things gets two on the champ and there’s Rection’s top rope elbow. The girls break up No Laughing Matter though and put Rection in the Tree of Woe, allowing Madden to get in some easy jokes. The t-bone suplex sets up the pushups and the spinning belly to belly gets two.

We hit the bearhug (and Madden misses the squeezing jokes) for a bit before a belly to belly knocks Rection even sillier. Steiner stops to pose, giving us some of the only unique heel work of the night. Rection makes his comeback with splashes in the corner and an Owen Hart-style tombstone, only to mostly miss the moonsault. His feet smack Steiner in the head but the Recliner retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Another bad match here but the stupid name was really messing this up. It’s really difficult to stay in a match when there’s a stupid joke every 18 seconds. As usual Russo would rather make himself laugh than advance the story in any meaningful way because Russo is a hack. A creative hack but still a hack.

Booker T. comes out to save Rection from the Recliner.

Kanyon says he’ll win tonight.

Mike Awesome vs. Chris Kanyon

Kanyon starts with a clothesline as the fans look at something in the crowd. Instead of going to a hold, Awesome sends Kanyon outside for a big dive over the top, drawing an ECW chant. Kanyon wraps Awesome’s ribs around the post and drives in a baseball slide for good measure. There’s a flip dive off the apron as the fans are trying to get into this show. Back in and Awesome comes back with the top rope clothesline, followed by some chair shots to take over again.

Some choking on the floor is followed by a hard clothesline for Awesome as this is the good match these two are capable of having when there’s nothing screwy going on. Mike chairs Kanyon in the back but gets crotched on the top, allowing Kanyon to pull him down with a nice neckbreaker. Awesome rolls through a high cross body for two but Kanyon’s fireman’s carry pancake gets the same. An Alabama Slam (which Tony calls a version of a powerbomb) knocks Kanyon silly before powerbombing Kanyon on the back of his head in a scary landing.

Mike peels back the mats at ringside but opts for a slingshot shoulder instead. He can’t Awesome Bomb Kanyon over the top rope so it’s a release German suplex across the ring instead. Awesome loads up the powerbomb onto the concrete and here’s Nash to interrupt. Cue the New Blood and the match is thrown out, presumably due to Nash’s jealousy shining through.

Rating: B-. Match of the night by a mile and I’d be surprised if anything besides the main event comes anywhere close to it. This is what happens when you let two talented guys beat each other up and do impressive looking moves to each other for ten minutes. Now of course there had to be a screwy ending because the fans were getting into it and WCW doesn’t know how to handle that, but I’ll take what good stuff I can get when I can get it.

The Millionaire’s Club comes down for the save, just like they have on every TV show for two weeks.

We recap Bagwell vs. Luger which is happening again for reasons I’ll never comprehend. This time Russo has stolen Liz (and let her go on Nitro, only to have her back two days later for reasons that were never explained) and Bagwell is doing Russo’s fighting. As has been explained: this is an excuse for Russo to look manly and have Liz on his arm.

Russo tells Liz to change out of her dress (which looks quite good already) and put on something he’s picked out for her.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

Bagwell doesn’t have a title so Tony isn’t sure if he and Douglas are still champions. We start with the posing because that’s what they’ve done for years now. Luger drives him into the corner to start but Buff pounds him down with ease. We’re already in the chinlock but Luger fights out with a suplex. Dang he’s working hard tonight. The right hands and clotheslines knock Bagwell to the floor, which I think has happened in every match tonight.

Luger gets in a few shots and throws Bagwell back in by the ear. That’s certainly a new one. Bagwell gets two of his own off a double arm DDT and we’re back in the chinlock. This might be the laziest pairing in wrestling history but they keep getting paired together for years on end. After they stay on the mat with the chinlock it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down again. Buff drops a splash for two and it’s off to a reverse chinlock.

Luger looks mildly annoyed, realizes there’s a camera on him, and starts wincing. We cut to the back where Russo tells Liz to come watch, only to have Liz come out and hit him with the ball bat. Luger starts his comeback but Buff hits him in the ribs. Cue Bagwell with the bat but Buff takes it away from her and hits Luger in the stomach. Liz picks the bat up though and breaks up the Blockbuster, setting up the Rack for the submission.

Rating: D. Luger and Bagwell laying around instead of trying to have a good match? Who would have ever seen that one coming? This was your standard match between the two and it’s still nothing that anyone would want to see again, hence why I’m sure they’ll be best friends again by the end of the year. Can we just have Liz fall for Russo already? You know it’s coming soon.

Post match Chuck Palumbo comes in and blasts Luger in the back with an exercise bar. He’s wearing gear identical to Luger, so Russo is already repeating his own storyline from the Stasiak vs. Hennig story. Palumbo Racks Luger and Bagwell kidnaps Liz again. April O’Neil wasn’t this helpless.

Shane Douglas is happy to finally get his hands on Flair. As usual, if you didn’t watch ECW or read the internet, this story makes no sense to you.

Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas

Douglas says he’s awesome and is going to destroy Flair. Ric comes out and has the referee hold the ropes for a former World Champion. Flair: “Not that you would know anything about that buddy.” Ric even mentions ECW when promising to take Shane out tonight like it’s 1981. They actually wrestle to start until Shane elbows him in the face to take over.

The chop it out until Flair gets slammed off the top, followed by a Figure Four from Douglas. Hudson: “THAT’S THE MOVE HE WON SO MANY WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS WITH!” Your factoid of the day: Flair never actually won a World Title with the Figure Four by traditional submission. Every time he won with the Figure Four, it was due to his opponent passing out in the hold. Flair grabs a rope and hits one heck of a low blow to knock Shane to the floor. Shane gets whipped into the barricade but manages a kick to the bad leg to get a breather.

Now we get to the issue with WCW as a whole right now: Douglas pulls out a chain and tries to hide it from the referee, just like wrestlers have been doing for years. However, why should he try to hide the chain? It’s clear that WCW referees aren’t going to call DQ’s unless it’s something major, so why would a chain be anything different? Some suplexes have Flair in trouble but he pops right back up for a pair of low blows. It’s time for the Figure Four but Bagwell and “Sting” come out with “Sting” ball batting Flair to give Shane the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was pretty decent until the end but the story isn’t there. I still don’t know why I’m supposed to be interested in some big challenges that Douglas made back in ECW, but I’m guessing a fan talked about it online somewhere and Russo decided that it was the hottest story in wrestling.

Bagwell and Douglas lay out Flair but he calls out “Russo” (clearly too tall to be under the Sting mask) for their five minute fight. Luger comes out to drag “Sting” to the ring but Russo pops up behind them and nails Luger with the bat. Back inside and “Sting” hits Ric with a miniature Statue of Liberty and it’s…..David Flair. A few bat shots knock Ric silly as Russo does the crotch chop like A MAN would. Nash casually walks down the ramp for the save but Daffney hits him low, allowing David Flair and Russo to stand tall. Yeah we’re supposed to be intimidated by those two and Daffney. She’s the scariest of them all.

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting, which is about both of them being creepy and Vampiro wanting to be what he thinks Sting should be. This would be the third iteration of the exact same idea on this show alone.

Vampiro vs. Sting

They start fighting on the ramp with Sting grabbing a suplex and sending Vampiro into the ring for a missile dropkick. Vampiro falls to the floor and Sting knocks him outside with a plancha. Where has this Sting been for the last three and a half years? A DDT on the floor knocks Vampiro even sillier but he comes back with a low blow. It’s lead pipe time (I feel like I’m watching Clue tonight) and Sting gets knocked up the ramp.

That goes nowhere so they come back in the ring for another pipe shot to Sting’s back. Sting hits him low to break up a hurricanrana and powerbombs Vampiro off the top. A pipe shot to the head doesn’t have much of an effect on Vampiro (this is so goofy at this point) so Sting hits two straight Splashes and Deathdrops for the pin.

Rating: D+. A lead pipe to the head was sold like a right hand to the jaw. That really should be all you need to know on this match. In case you’re keeping track, Vampiro has still only won one time under the new regime and that included Hogan attacking Kidman for two minutes straight. As usual, the old guys get to be superhuman but the young guys are getting a story and that’s supposed to mean something.

Sting hits Vampiro in the head with the pipe again.

David Arquette, dressed as Elvis for a reference from the movie, and Page are ready for the main event. Page tells him to stay away from Jarrett and play defense on the top of the cage near the belt. Don’t grab it though.

Nash is looking for Russo. Again, this should be on a TV show.

Kidman and Bischoff are ready for Hogan. Again, Bischoff went from being terrified of Hogan to volunteering to be guest referee for their match.

You can get a BUFF BAGWELL pennant for purchasing this show. Who thought that was a piece of merchandise that needed to be made?

Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

At least Kimberly and Torrie are looking great here. Hogan brings out Horace with him for reinforcement. Kidman small packages Hogan on a slam attempt to start but Hogan picks him up by the throat for a crotching on top. Hogan gets a chair and drops Kidman onto it face first, only to have Kidman come back with a hurricanrana.

Hogan really isn’t someone you picture taking hurricanranas that often. A quick beating on the floor goes nowhere so Hogan comes back in for a whipping with the weightlifting belt. Bischoff takes it away as Hudson tries to make sense of the relaxed rules jazz. Kidman whips away with the belt until Hogan wraps it around Kidman’s neck and throws him out to the floor. Hogan whips him into the barricade and Bischoff won’t count. We’re firmly in the old standard book of evil referee tropes.

Kidman comes back with a few shots to take over so Hogan sends him out to the floor again. The brawling by the announcers’ tables goes nowhere so Hogan hits the big boot but Bischoff walks in front of the legdrop. Bischoff gets sent to the floor and Hogan drops the leg. It’s chair time but Hogan tries to bring in a table, which breaks upon contact. Kidman saves Bischoff from going through the table and gets two of his own off a chair shot.

Hogan kicks the chair into Kidman’s face, kicks Bischoff low and powerbombs him through the table. That’s STILL not enough though as Hogan brings in another table, only to get kicked low. Kidman misses a splash through the table and Horace comes in to grab Bischoff’s hand and force the count to give Hulk the pin. There are so many broken tables that you can barely see the ring.

Rating: F+. Well to be fair, Hogan did let Kidman get some totally worthless pinfalls on him (which weren’t really pins) on TV that fewer and fewer people were watching so the completely over the top PPV win was completely justified. Bad match here of course as it was just another brawl in a long series of them since Bischoff and Russo took over.

Russo and Liz run away from Nash.

We recap the World Title match, which resulted in a lot of short title reigns, capped off by David Arquette coming out as champion. I’m moving on before I get even more annoyed.

WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jeff Jarrett

Arquette is defending and this is in the triple cage. It’s three cages on top of each other with the Hell in a Cell on the bottom, then a cage full of weapons on top of that and a small cage called the Guitar Room on top. You have to get on top of the Guitar Room to reach the belt. First person to get to the top and pull the belt down wins.

The cage is lowered and to its credit, it looks amazing. Jarrett chases Arquette to start but Page makes the save instead of going after the belt. Well to be fair he wasn’t that upset when Arquette won it from him last week anyway. A clothesline puts Jarrett down as Arquette stands on the part of the ramp inside the cage. Jeff baseball slides a ladder into Page’s face but Page catapults Jarrett into Arquette.

Page gets pulled face first into the post but comes back by crotching Jeff against it instead. The ladder is set up but Jarrett suplexes Page down. Jarrett is already busted open. Page shoves him off the ladder and is the first man to the hardcore cage, where he has to use bolt cutters to open the door. This is more like an obstacle course than a match. Jarrett follows him up and they’re quickly outside the hardcore cage and on top of the big cage. That’s quite the dangerous spot to be in considering they have all of five feet to fight on.

Back in the hardcore cage and they break the wall down in what I guess is the big spot of the match. Arquette watches from the bottom cage as Page powerslams Jarrett through a table in the hardcore cage. They go back out to the edge and Page elbows him in the jaw to break up an Irish whip. Arquette climbs into the hardcore cage and goes up to the Guitar Room but here’s Mike Awesome out of nowhere to break up a Diamond Cutter.

Arquette grabs a guitar as Page Diamond Cuts Mike. They both head up and Arquette misses a guitar shot, only to have both of them fall down to the roof of the hardcore cage. Both guys get back up and, say it with me, Arquette turns on Page to give Jarrett the title back.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t the worst match in the world actually, stupid ending aside. That last part is where it falls apart though: the Arquette stuff in here really didn’t need to exist. Let him be a second or a cheerleader or something but there’s no need to have him in the match itself. When you can eliminate something from a match and have it be the exact same thing, you can tell it’s a bad idea. The match itself was fun and unfortunately they never went back to this idea again (at least not in this form) because the company never had the chance again, which is kind of a shame as it’s a cool idea.

Post match here’s Kanyon to save Page from an Awesome Bomb, only to be thrown off the top of the Cell and through the ramp. The announcers scream that he’s broken his back in the shock value moment of the show, which of course is being held in the same arena where Owen Hart fell. Russo: “BUT PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT IT!” Yes they did Russo, just like when you get fired because people stopped watching your garbage.

Overall Rating: D. Let’s get the good out of the way first: this was a major improvement over the mess of Spring Stampede. It’s so much better to have ten matches spaced over two hours and fifty minutes instead of fourteen matches over about two hour and a half hours. It’s a big upgrade and the show had a much better structure overall.

Now that being said, the show still sucked because Russo has overbooked the heck out of it. Almost every match had a brawl on the floor or interference or cheating. It’s fine to have something like that a few times a match but when you have it every single time, it gets old fast. There comes a point where you stop watching the match and start waiting for the interference or cheating, which defeats the purpose of the match itself.

Overall though, this company is drowning under the one major idea. This system has almost never worked but for some reason wrestling companies keep running with them. It boils down to one problem: if you don’t like the one idea, there’s no point to watching the show. You can have one dominant story, but mix in a few other things that are disconnected to it as it keeps the fans around to see that instead of waiting on the major story to be over. This isn’t the worst show ever, but they still need to make a lot of tweaks to get this company to work again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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