Impact Wrestling
Date: May 6, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Matt Striker, D’Lo Brown

We’re still in the early days of the Kenny Omega era and we are also on the way to Under Siege. Since Omega isn’t working that show, we need his #1 contender, meaning the six way #1 contenders match at Under Siege needs some more qualifiers. That’s what Impact is for at the moment so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Chris Sabin vs. Rhino

James Storm and Violent By Design are here too. They trade arm control to start until Sabin sends him outside. Back in and Rhino hits him in the face before hammering Sabin down in the corner. The neck crank goes on but Sabin fights up and hits a discus forearm. There’s an enziguri to put Rhino on the floor and a rollup gives Sabin two back inside. Deaner offers a distraction though and Rhino pokes him in the eye to take over. Sabin is fine enough to kick out the knee to block the Gore though and la majistral finishes Rhino at 6:46.

Rating: C-. Just a match here as almost anything involving Violent By Design has almost no interest. The team feels like a bunch of people thrown together to give Eric Young something to do, and since Young is injured, the team does not exactly seem like it matters all that much. They aren’t the worst by any means, but Rhino felt like an obstacle rather than a threat, which only kind of worked.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Brian Myers is annoyed at losing to Matt Cardona so he wants another qualifying match. He runs into Rosemary, who says he has no one to blame for his problems but himself. Myers doesn’t buy it, so here is Black Taurus to run him over. Rosemary gives him a card, which seems to suggest that he is having bad luck.

The Elite thinks that was hilarious but Don Callis says they need to focus on winning more matches. That’s why tonight it’s Doc Gallows vs. Juice Robinson.

Susan vs. Taylor Wilde

Kimber Lee is here with Susan. Wilde cartwheels out of a waistlock to start but Susan can’t do the same. Instead Wilde throws her down as Striker talks about all of the styles that Wilde uses. Susan sends her into the corner but misses a legdrop as Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb With A K come out to watch. Wilde’s German suplex sends Susan to the floor, setting up a hurricanrana to take her down again. A quick glare at Dashwood doesn’t change anything, as Wilde hits a bridging German suplex for the pin at 2:28.

Post match Dashwood comes in to pose for a photo with Wilde, who doesn’t seem interested.

Deonna Purrazzo isn’t scared of Taylor Wilde but Susan and Kimber Lee need to earn the right to have her join them at ringside. Decay comes in and, after scaring off the interviewer, seem to threaten Purrazzo. Havok comes in to say she wants a shot as well, so a flustered Purrazzo says they can fight for a title shot.

W. Morrissey says no one knows him but he knows that all of the fans left him as soon as he started to fall apart. Everyone he thought he knew in this business was a phony but now he has risen from the ashes. At Under Siege, he’s starting with Willie Mack.

Rohit Raju vs. Trey Miguel

Under Siege qualifying match and Shera is here with Raju. They lock up to start with Miguel trying to pull him down so Raju bails outside in a hurry. Back in and they go to a test of strength with Raju taking him down, only to have Miguel nip up. That earns him a takedown and Raju is rather pleased as we take a break. Back with Shera getting in a cheap shot but Miguel strikes away at the face to put him up against the ropes.

What looks like a northern lights suplex is blocked so Raju suplexes him down for two. Raju knocks him to the floor and then takes it back inside to start cranking on the arm. A flying armbar makes it worse but Miguel flips over him and hits a jumping stomp to the back. They slug it out from their knees until Miguel suplexes him into a Kimura. That’s broken up as well until Raju crotches him in the corner and hits a hanging DDT. A Falcon Arrow into a Crossface has Miguel in trouble until he rolls out but gets kneed in the face. Miguel kicks him down again though and grabs the Hourglass for the tap at 11:27.

Rating: B-. Good back and forth match here as I continue to try and get my head around the idea of Raju actually being this entertaining. I know I say that rather often, but he was so terrible as part of the Desi Hit Squad. It’s amazing how much better it is to just have him as a guy instead of a guy there to make a legend look good. Miguel gets another boost here and it wouldn’t stun me to see him get the title shot.

Post match here’s Jake Something to knock Shera down and take out Raju as well. Yeah is name is still Jake Something.

We go to Swinger’s Palace and Alisha Edwards seems to have lost all of her money. Trey Miguel comes in and gets in a bit of an argument with the other people who have qualified for Under Siege over betting odds. James Storm insists he’ll be getting in too but Chris Bey gets in Storm and Chris Sabin’s heads over being tag wrestlers getting into singles matches. Storm doesn’t seem interested.

Doc Gallows vs. Juice Robinson

Kenny Omega, Karl Anderson and David Finlay are here too. Gallows goes straight to the eye to start and hits an uppercut in the corner. Robinson sends him into the corner to even things up and some left hands have Gallows down. Back up and Gallows big boots him out to the floor, followed by the rights and lefts to the ribs.

The chinlock goes on, though Gallows does give him a breather to drive in the elbows to the chest. Robinson fights out of another chinlock and dropkicks the knee out, setting up a running DDT for two. The big left hand drops Gallows but Robinson has to go after Anderson. A bicycle kick into the chokebomb (and a good one at that) finishes Robinson at 7:19.

Rating: C. Gallows still isn’t nearly as good of a big man as he is given credit for but he worked well enough here. This was about Gallows beating up Robinson, who kept trying to fight from underneath. The numbers game catching up with him made sense and it did a nice job with what they were trying. Also, the lack of Omega talking tends to help a lot.

Post match the beatdown is on so Eddie Edwards runs down for a failed save attempt.

Deonna Purrazzo, Susan and Kimber Lee are leaving when Scott D’Amore comes up. Next week: Havok vs. Rosemary for the Under Siege title shot.

VSK vs. El Phantasmo

VSK is an AEW Dark guy and Phantasmo is from New Japan’s Bullet Club. Phantasmo starts fast by jumping over him but VSK hits a dropkick into a backbreaker. A slam into an immediate splash (that’s a new one) gets two but Phantasmo is right back by putting him on the top. Phantasmo pulls him back down for a crash and a Lionsault gets two. VSK is right back with a rollup for two and a fireman’s carry backbreaker connects for the same. That earns him some kicks to the chest and, after possibly loading up the boot, Phantasmo hits a superkick for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: C+. Phantasmo is awesome, but this seemed to be more about building up VSK than anything else. That being said, it isn’t like Phantasmo needs that much of a build as he is the big guest star. VSK did look good in defeat, though it is kind of hard to say how much of that was him when he was in there with such an established name.

Rachael Ellering vs. Kiera Hogan

Jordynne Grace and Tasha Steelz are here too. An early Steelz distraction lets Kiera hit a superkick and it’s already time to stomp Ellering in the corner. A kick to the ribs has Ellering in more trouble but she avoids a charge in the corner. Ellering counters a neckbreaker but gets caught with a running knee to the head for two. The chinlock goes on but they get up and collide so Ellering can get in a kick to the head. There’s a backsplash for two, only to have Ellering miss a charge of her own in the corner and get kicked in the face again. They miss some shots to the face until Ellering hits a swinging Boss Man Slam for the pin at 4:33.

Rating: C-. They didn’t really have a good way to go here as you don’t want either of them losing, though in this case, it makes more sense to go with the person who is still new to the company (yet is somehow a champion). The action was hardly great, though that has never quite been Hogan’s strong suit. It wasn’t exactly great, but it did what it was supposed to do….I think.

Don Callis comes up to Moose in the back and brings up football coach Jimmy Johnson. Callis talks about Johnson saying stars should be treated like stars, which is what Moose certainly is. Why is he in some qualifying match when he is already a star? Moose tells him to shut up, but Moose might be slightly convinced.

Fire N Flava are annoyed at the loss but Jordynne Grace and Rachael Ellering come up. Trash is talked until Grace vs. Steelz is set for next week.

Here’s what’s coming next week.

James Storm vs. Moose

Final Under Siege qualifying match. Storm’s headlock doesn’t last very long and Moose shoulders him away without much effort. A shot to the face knocks Moose outside though and Storm adds a dropkick through the ropes as we take a break. Back with Storm being sent to the apron, where Moose blocks the enziguri in the corner. Moose dumps him outside without much effort and sends him knee first into the barricade.

The knee is rammed into the floor as well, followed by some stomping back inside. Moose talks a lot of trash but Storm fights up and gets in a few right hands, only to get knocked back down. A running dropkick to the knee connects in the corner and Storm is in even more trouble. The leglock goes on but Moose gets caught holding the rope. That’s fine with Moose, who works on the knee even more with some cranking. Moose misses a charge though and Storm slugs away, including the Thesz press with right hands to the jaw (there’s a Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan joke in there somewhere).

The Codebreaker rocks Moose again and there’s a tornado DDT for two. Moose is back up with a tackle to the knee though and we hit the half crab. That doesn’t last long either so Moose goes up, with Storm pulling him into the Eye of the Storm….but the leg gives out. Storm takes his time getting up but manages a Last Call out of nowhere. The knee is too bad to cover though and Moose hits the spear for the pin at 16:08.

Rating: B. This was close enough to a main event style match to fit in this spot. Moose working on the knee throughout the match and then having it play into the whole thing worked out well. Moose has been primed for the title shot for a long time now and beating Storm feels like something that matters. Good match in the right spot with the right result so that’s a nice job.

Post match Moose Pillmanizes the leg with Chris Sabin running out just a bit too late for the save.

Overall Rating: B-. They had a very streamlined show here to set up a lot of Under Siege in a hurry. It was almost weird having a bunch of singles matches in a row but it was what they needed to do here. The six way could go to multiple people and they set up enough stuff for the coming shows to make this a pretty good use of two hours.

Results

Chris Sabin b. Rhino – La majistral

Taylor Wilde b. Susan – Bridging German suplex

Trey Miguel b. Rohit Raju – Hourglass

Doc Gallows b. Juice Robinson – Chokebomb

El Phantasmo b. VSK – Superkick

Rachael Ellering b. Kiera Hogan – Swinging Boss Man Slam

Moose b. James Storm – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Hardcore Justice 2021
Date: April 10, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: D’Lo Brown, Matt Striker

It’s the Impact Wrestling Wrestlemania weekend offering with the hardcore themed show, as operated by Tommy Dreamer. Now for once this actually makes sense, though somehow Dreamer is likely to be main eventing the show as well. The card looks decent and has been built up on Impact as of late, so it feels like an actually pay per view. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features Eric Young talking about how he has a sickness and violence is the only cure. Tommy Dreamer has that same sickness and tonight, Young is willing to provide the cure for him.

Ace Austin/Madman Fulton vs. TJP/Fallah Bahh vs. Josh Alexander/Petey Williams

Austin, TJP and Alexander are feuding over the X-Division Title and got to pick their own partners. Alexander gets run over by the huge Bahh to start, including getting knocked to the floor. Back in and Bahh strikes away but Alexander takes him down by the leg. Williams comes in but gets knocked into the corner by TJP. A drop toehold lets Williams hit a dropkick to the back, only to get pulled into TJP’s Octopus variation. It’s off to Austin, who is taken down for a nasty arm crank from TJP.

Bahh comes back in and gets caught in the corner for some shoulders from Fulton. Some double teaming sets up a running crossbody to Bahh’s kneeling back for two but Bahh backdrops his way to freedom. Williams tags himself in to take over on Austin and it’s back to Alexander for a quick German suplex. A blind tag brings Fulton back in to side slam Alexander for two and a big boot lets Austin come back in.

Austin’s spinning legdrop gets two but Alexander pops back up with a powerslam. Austin kicks him into the corner for the hot tag to TJP and the pace picks up. There’s a tornado DDT to Austin and everything breaks down. Bahh crossbodies Fulton down and the Mamba Splash hits Austin but Alexander tags himself in to steal the near fall. Williams Sharpshooters Austin and Alexander ankle locks Fulton but TJP grabs a choke on Williams at the same time.

Bahh breaks the whole thing up and it’s Fulton having to save Austin from the Canadian Destroyer. Everything breaks down again and Fulton cleans house with everyone going down. TJP knocks Alexander into the corner for a facewash and the Canadian Destroyer hits TJP. Williams stomps on Bahh’s ankle and Alexander ankle locks him for the tap at 13:41.

Rating: B-. This was exactly what it should have been with a hot opener featuring some talented people. The Canadian Destroyer may have become one of the biggest jokes in wrestling but there is still a little something special about Williams using it. This was all about the main trio though and they could tear the house down at Rebellion. Good stuff here and they’re off to a solid start.

Here’s what’s coming today.

Hernandez vs. Shera

This is a chairs match dubbed Chairly Legal. Dang it why do I have to love puns? The exchange of shoulders goes to Shera and he hammers away in the corner. Hernandez gets in a shot of his own though and the first chair shot goes over Shera’s back. Some chairs are set up at ringside but Hernandez spends too much time on the building, allowing Shera to chair him down. Back in and Hernandez gets in a chair shot of his own and wedges some chairs in the corner.

Shera goes face first into a chair in the middle of the ring for two and the big ax handles keep him down. A quick spinebuster gives Shera two and they head outside with Hernandez taking over again. Some chairs are thrown in and Shera manages to superplex him onto the pile for two. Hernandez is right back up with chair shots of his own but here is Rohit Raju to blast Hernandez with a chair. A confused Shera gets the pin at 9:01.

Rating: C. Another not too bad match here with Shera getting a lot better, mainly due to not having everything focused on some stupid dance. The chairs were the focal point here and they didn’t go outside of that, which made enough sense for a one off match like this. Hernandez is fine in this role and that is all he needs to be. Not a great match but it fit in well on a show like this one.

We go to Swinger’s Palace where Chris Sabin and James Storm aren’t happy with being told to take the night off. XXXL comes in and can’t get a seat so a match is set up for…well actually one isn’t because XXXL gets to sit down. Matt Cardona comes in to ask what the deal is around here. He says Swinger has been in wrestling for 150 years so here is Dreamer to it’s MATCH TIME. This isn’t Wrestle House….but Dreamer is in charge so we’re having Cardona vs. Swinger in a Crate American Bash.

Doc Gallows vs. Black Taurus

Karl Anderson and Crazzy Steve are here too. Taurus hammers away to start but misses a crossbody, allowing Gallows to hit a clothesline to take over. Gallows knocks him down again and hammers away, including an uppercut to cut off a comeback attempt. A suplex sets up a chinlock for a bit before a trip to the floor.

Taurus is sent over the barricade and we head back inside for another chinlock. With that broken up, Gallows hits a bit boot but Taurus fights up with a shot to the ace. A top rope clothesline sets up a 619 into a missile dropkick for two on Gallows. Anderson offers a distraction though and it’s a superkick into a chokebomb to finish Taurus at 9:01.

Rating: D+. This was mostly a squash until Taurus had a nice comeback. I like Taurus a good bit but there is no way he should be beating Gallows here. That being said, there is only so much that can be done when Gallows isn’t exactly giving him much throughout the match. The Brothers are not exactly my favorite people in Impact and this didn’t do much to change that idea.

Violent By Design is ready to cure Tommy Dreamer and company.

Matt Cardona vs. Johnny Swinger

Crate American Bash, meaning there is a crate at every corner with something inside to use. Swinger, with the Swingerellas, gets rolled up to start and lies about the tights being pulled. Back up and Swinger hits a strut but needs to hide in the ropes, allowing Cardona to do his own strut, which will always work. Some forearms to the back set up a Paul Orndorff elbow on Cardona and it’s time to grab the first crate. Inside….is a framed photo of Scott Hall, which is a call back to the WCW version of this match because reasons.

Swinger knocks him off the apron and into the barricade for a breather. Back in and Swinger goes for the second crate but Cardona takes him down with a jawbreaker. Swinger pulls him off the ropes though and opens the second crate to find…a rat trap. Ok that was funny. Cardona gets his knees up in the corner and adds the middle rope dropkick.

Back up and a collision gives us another double knockdown but Cardona is up first. The third crate has….something Cardona likes but he doesn’t pull it out. Swinger gets the other crate and finds some brass knuckles for a big smile. That’s about it for the smiling though as he charges into Radio Silence for the pin at 7:53.

Rating: C-. Total comedy match here and there is nothing wrong with that. Swinger is someone who has gone from a complete groan to one of the more entertaining things about Impact Wrestling, which has been a great surprise. I’m guessing the third crate has some kind of toy or action figure inside, which would be appropriate for the match, though it does make me wonder why Dreamer had these things sitting around. Anyway, this was fine.

Cardona takes the third crate with him.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu at Hardcore Justice 2010. You need this on a taped pay per view? This eats up nearly ten minutes.

XXXL is having trouble keeping up with James Storm and Chris Sabin’s drinking.

Here is Sami Callihan to say he tries to help people, including Trey Miguel. It worked last week and under his mentoring, Miguel could reach the next level. Passion is about taking what you want and since Sami wants to be on Hardcore Justice, he is going to be on Hardcore Justice. The open challenge is on.

Sami Callihan vs. Sam Beale

Beale is Miguel’s student and Sami runs him over to start. Sami offers him a free shot and then knocks Beale down again. Beale’s face is rubbed into the mat and Sami bites him a bit before taking it outside. Some right hands have little effect on Sami, who snaps off a t-bone suplex to drop Beale again. Back in and Beale rolls him up for two so Sami nails a hard clothesline. The package piledriver finishes Beale at 4:05.

Rating: D+. This was a storyline advancement rather than a match and while I’m not a fan of the angle, it’s not like they spent a lot of time on it. Sami messing with Trey is either going to result in a big match at Rebellion or them being the Tag Team Champions. Neither is overly appealing but PLEASE DON’T MAKE THEM A REGULAR TEAM! Just let them fight and be done with it already.

We recap Brian Myers damaging Matt Cardona’s eye Jake Something’s eye. Therefore, it’s a hardcore blindfold match.

Brian Myers vs. Jake Something

Striker: “Look up the last time someone named Jake was in a blindfold match.” Good grief. They’re both blindfolded and there are weapons at ringside. Myers gets knocked outside early on and finds a trashcan lid to take Something down. In a smart move, Myers grabs him by the wrist and then finds another weapon to hit him in the head. They head back inside with Myers dropping him again and covering, albeit with Jake on his stomach.

Back up and Jake manages a sitout powerbomb, followed by some Scott Hall style shoulders while holding Myers’ wrist. Myers manages to find the referee and send him into Jake. The knockdown allows Myers to pull up the mask and hit a low superkick, which draws out Cardona with the third crate. Cardona slaps the mat for a distraction and slides Jake the crate. A shot to the head knocks Myers out and opens the crate, revealing a bunch of action figures. Jake hits a Boss Man Slam for the pin at 5:14.

Rating: D+. Another match that wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a fun idea that advanced a bigger story. In that regard it worked out well and it isn’t like this is going to be anything more than that. Cardona vs. Myers is slowly growing on me and as long as it doesn’t get treated as anything overly serious, it should work out well. Now give Jake a new last name and everything gets better.

Tommy Dreamer and his team (Rich Swann/Willie Mack/Eddie Edwards) are ready for Violent By Design.

Rosemary vs. Alisha vs. Havok vs. Jordynne Grace vs. Susan vs. Tenille Dashwood

Weapons match and the winner gets a Knockouts Title shot at Rebellion. Actually hold on as Su Yung comes out to attack Susan and we have a replacement. Yung is too much for Dashwood, who runs off rather than deal with her. Grace hammers on Alisha in the corner while Rosemary and Havok knock Young outside. That team lasts all of three seconds before they knock each other to the floor. Dashwood grabs Grace’s leg so the chase is on, meaning Kaleb With A K almost hits Dashwood with a frying pan by mistake.

It’s time for the staple gun and Kaleb With A K takes the shot to save Dashwood. That leaves Havok to legdrop Alisha for two with Grace making the save. The big staredown goes to Grace, who cuts off Alisha’s try with a trashcan. Grace plants Alisha for two with Yung making the save this time as you can see Susan being taken to the back (only took the referees the better part of ten minutes to help her). Yung beats on Grace until Havok comes in with a noose to take her down. Rosemary gets the Upside Down on Grace and it’s time for little red bag of thumbtacks.

Alisha hits something like a reverse DDT to drive Rosemary into them before whipping out a kendo stick (which is dubbed Kendra). Yung gives Alisha the Mandible Claw to cut that off and drag her away, which can’t end well. Havok and Grace slug it out with Havok knocking her down (allowing Striker to get in the always wrong “they’re all the same height on the mat”) and going up. Cue Nevaeh to throw powder in Havok’s eyes though and Kaleb With A K adds a superkick. Grace is back up with a Vader Bomb to Havok but Dashwood comes in and steals the pin at 9:43.

Rating: C-. This started to drag a bit in the middle but Dashwood winning actually surprised me. It is nice to see her FINALLY moving up as she has every tool imaginable but for some reason nothing has clicked yet. The weapons were a pretty minor part here but hopefully this leads to Yung returning full time. Susan isn’t working so give us what works better for a change. Not much of a match, but the right person won.

XXXL is very drunk but still want their match. James Storm says it’s time…..to play beer pong apparently. Chris Sabin throws the ball at the cup and knocks it off the table, so Larry D. offers to show him how it’s done. This misses completely, with Swinger dubbing him Knuckleball Schwartz. Storm throws a ball at Larry and the fight is on with Storm and Sabin standing tall, allowing Storm to drop a ball in the cup for the win. Swinger panics because he forgot to pay for his insurance.

Deonna Purrazzo talks about how important Jazz is but her time has passed. Tonight Purrazzo will prove that and it is title vs. career.

Knockouts Title: Deonna Purrazzo vs. Jazz

Jazz is challenging with her career on the line. An early spinwheel kick gives Jazz two and she starts in on the arm. That’s fine with Purrazzo, who catches her with an arm snap across the top rope. The armbar is on but Jazz gets in an elbow to the face, only to get pulled into a Downward Spiral for two. Purrazzo stays on the arm and ties Jazz’s limbs around the bottom rope for a change of pace. Some kicks put Jazz on the floor so she has to pull herself back in, allowing Purrazzo to stomp away some more.

They head outside with Purrazzo hammering away until Jazz runs her over. It’s time to throw in some weapons and they head inside again, with Jazz nailing the snap jabs. An X Factor gets two but Purrazzo goes after the arm again to take over. The title is brought in but Purrazzo pulls it away and chairs her down. A DDT onto the chair gives Jazz two and frustration is setting in. Jazz can’t get a double chickenwing so Purrazzo snaps off an exploder suplex. The Queen’s Gambit retains the title at 13:08.

Rating: C+. They were going for the big, emotional moment here and came pretty close to nailing it. Jazz might not be the biggest legend of all time but she has wrestled everywhere and done pretty well for a long time, so it is more than ok to give her something like this. Solid enough match too, making this feel like a good co-main event.

Post match Purrazzo leaves and Jazz gets the big sendoff, with Jordynne Grace coming in to thank her. This would be a lot better if Striker would shut up about Mama calling on the Louisiana wind and her children always waiting. Just….stop talking sometimes man.

Tommy Dreamer has been attacked so the main event will be 4-3.

Eddie Edwards/Willie Mack/Rich Swann vs. Violent By Design

This a Hardcore War, meaning WarGames (minus the cage) with two men starting for three minutes and the team who won a coin toss (Violent By Design) sending in another man after two minutes. Two minutes later, the other team evens things up. Once all eight are in, it is the first fall to win with No DQ of course. Eddie Edwards and Deaner start things off on the floor as Striker wants Dreamer to come out in the Willis Reed or Kirk Gibson moment.

They knock each other around on the floor before heading inside, where Eddie hits a belly to belly suplex. That sends them back outside…and then get back in, with Eddie hammering away to take over. The Backpack Stunner connects as time expires, with Striker, who read the rules earlier, not being sure who has the advantage. Rhino is in to make it 2-1 and the slow beating is on. Brown talks about how Rhino has changed, to the point where Rhino won’t even speak to him.

As I try to imagine Brown and Rhino as a team with Rhino doing the head shake, Willie Mack, with Kenny and a chain (which Striker thinks sounds like a country song) comes in to even things up. The good guys take over with various weapons shots, including a toaster (Brown: “I love French toast.”) until Joe Doering comes in to make it 3-2.

Edwards and Mack jump the monster but he knocks both of them down at once without much trouble. Deaner puts Mack’s hand in the toaster and bends it back until Rich Swann is in to even it up. Swann cleans house, including kicking Doering low, with a handicap parking sign. With Violent By Design down, Swann and Edwards set up a table at ringside as Eric Young comes in to complete the villains.

Young brings in a hockey stick to beat on people in various painful ways until the countdown is on and…..Trey Miguel evens things up with a golf club. Miguel gets in Doering’s face and gets crushed with a crossbody, which has Striker loudly thanking God for Doering. Deaner beats on Mack but gets caught with Swann’s handspring cutter. Rhino Gores Swann through a table in the corner for two, meaning it’s time to go to the corner.

The Tower of Doom plants everyone but Doering, who puts Eddie on a table outside. Miguel gets up with a top rope Meteora to drive Doering through Eddie through the table though, leaving Mack 3-1 inside. Rhino is sent outside and a pop up Downward Spiral gets two on Doering with Young making the save. Young is back up with the piledriver to finish Mack at 20:25.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good but felt a bit like the hold house show versions of WarGames in the NWA days. Yeah it’s a big, violent match but don’t expect anything taken to the next level. Miguel coming in to replace Dreamer was a surprise and Dreamer not getting the spotlight was nice. They did well enough for a main event here, but it’s no classic, at least partially due to Striker’s odd obsession with Doering.

Overall Rating: C. I’m not sure how much more you were expecting from a hardcore themed show over Wrestlemania weekend. It advanced some stories and gave us a few good moments with some talented wrestlers. For $10, that’s about all you can ask for and it worked out as well as could be expected. Nothing worth seeing on here, but if you throw it on, you won’t have the worst time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 3, 2020
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Madison Rayne

You don’t get to say this very often but it’s time to find out who shot John E. Bravo last week. Wrestlers are rarely shot or possibly even killed off, but now it is time to play detective, and I have a bad feeling that is going to mean a lot of Tommy Dreamer. But hey, maybe we can get some Eric Young thrown in there too. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a sepia tone recap of the build to the wedding and Bravo being awful to his wedding party. That’s a really good idea as I hadn’t been thinking of all those details and it gives it more of an “anyone could have done it” vibe.

Scott D’Amore gets an update on Bravo, who is in critical but stable condition. Tommy Dreamer comes up, dressed as an old school detective, and it’s time to find out whodunit. D’Amore thinks being shot doesn’t sound too bad.

Opening sequence.

Knockouts Title: Deonna Purrazzo vs. Su Yung

Purrazzo is challenging in her Bound For Glory rematch and Kimber Lee is with her. It’s a brawl to start and neither can hit their finisher in the very early going. Yung sends her flying and it’s already time for the bloody glove. That takes too long though as it’s time for Purrazzo to start in on the arm.

The arm is wrapped around the bottom rope but Yung is back up with an anklescissors into the corner. They trade running shots to the face with Purrazzo getting the better of things but a double clothesline puts both of them down. Back up and Purrazzo’s cradle piledriver is blocked, setting up the Mandible Claw. Lee slides in a chair, which Yung picks up and uses on Purrazzo for the DQ at 4:30.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but unlike Rich Swann vs. Eric Young’s quick rematch last week, I could go for a rematch here. The creepy monster vs. the technical master is an interesting way to go and their match at Bound For Glory was pretty good. They were smart not to waste anything here and keeping it quick was simple. This could be a big showdown/main event later, so save the real match for that.

Post match Yung uses the chair to drop both of them and clear the ring.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

It’s time for Rhino and Heath to sign Heath’s contract with Scott D’Amore. One thing though: Heath is still hurt, so until that’s cleared up, he isn’t getting to sign. The two of them leave so here’s Barrister RD Reynolds to say that shouldn’t be Deonna Purrazzo’s rematch. D’Amore says she can have another rematch at Turning Point, where anything goes. Wrestling has an interesting understanding of how negotiations work.

Rich Swann comes in to see Eddie Edwards and even sings Eddie’s theme song. They have Sami Callihan and Eric Young tonight.

Chris Bey vs. Trey Miguel

They fight over arm control to start with Trey taking him down into an armbar. Bey flips out of a springboard wristdrag though and they trade armdrags. Both of them try one at the same time and go down to the mat for a….I guess it’s a layoff actually. Back up and a dropkick puts Bey on the floor but he trips Miguel down to take over.

A rake to the eyes and a running forearm to the back have Miguel in more trouble and it’s time to stand on his back for some posing. Back up and Trey dropkicks the leg out and hits a reverse 619. Bey crotches him on top but gets tied in the ropes for the Cheeky Nandos kick (which may have been blocked). Trey tries a charge but gets kicked away, setting up a diving cutter to give Bey the pin at 6:25.

Rating: C. I like both guys and it was nice to see them getting a little time to showcase themselves. They’re both young and talented and it’s great to see them in the ring. This is the kind of thing that can do something positive for their future and they had a nice enough match here when they got the chance.

It’s time for Locker Room Talk with Madison Rayne and Johnny Swinger talking about John E. Bravo being shot (you might think ATTEMPTED MURDER would get more attention on this show). Anyway it’s time to talk about the Women’s Tag Team Title tournament, with Madison having to tell Swinger to cool it with the tag team jokes.

Jordynne Grace and Tenille Dashwood (with Kaleb With A K) are the guests this week and Madison gets right to the point: they should be partners in the tournament. Grace is interested but Dashwood wants the titles for herself….so she asks Madison. That’s a deal, but Grace tosses away Kaleb With A K’s camera and leaves. Not that it matters as Swinger won’t get out of the shot.

Dreamer, in a deerstalker hat, accuses one of the referees of being the shooter. Johnny Swinger and Cody Deaner argue over who should be the next witness because they have a match tonight. Dreamer: “MATCH TI….” Cody: “Wrong show.” They’re both still suspects though so go have their match and then come back.

Here’s Rohit Raju with another Defeat Rohit challenge but he wants fresh meat. Cue TJP in street clothes but Rohit says no because TJP already had his shot. He does have an opportunity tonight though: an opportunity to get out of the ring. Rohit rants at TJP for taking up his time after he spent so much time scratching and clawing. TJP doesn’t think much of that and lists off all of his accomplishments so far. Now why should he be worried about Rohit? Well that’s because Rohit is the current X-Division Champion and TJP is a has been. TJP gets in his face and throws his tea in his face as the brawl is on. Sounds Turning Pointish.

Chris Sabin says Alex Shelley is fine but he finds it interesting that teams are having to divide and conquer the Motor City Machine Guns. He wants either member of XXXL one on one.

Rohit Raju and TJP rant to Scott D’Amore, who makes another match between them, but it’s TJP’s last shot as long as Rohit is champion.

Doc Gallows vs. Ethan Page

Karl Anderson and Josh Alexander are here too. Gallows shoves him down without much trouble to start and a shoulder puts Page on the floor. Back in and Gallows unloads on him in the corner, sending Page outside again. Page gets in again so Gallows mocks Page’s martial arts and knocks him outside a third time.

That’s not cool with Page, who comes back in and takes Gallows down to hammer away. A DDT gives Page two and we hit the chinlock. That doesn’t last long so Page goes with a dropkick for two and it’s back to the chinlockery. That’s broken up in a hurry with Gallows fighting up and hitting a charge in the corner. Alexander posts Anderson for a distraction though and then comes in for the DQ at 6:22.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but it’s better than the wrestlers getting to trade one win after another back and forth. The North vs. the Good Brothers could be a heck of a showdown on a major stage and that might wind up being Hard To Kill. I’m not sure if it can be dragged out that long, but hopefully things get a little bit better if they are going that long.

Post match the Good Brothers clean house.

Swoggle says it’s time to be a star in wrestling but here’s Brian Myers to say this place is serious. That sends Swoggle into a rant about how Myers has been disrespecting Tommy Dreamer, because insert your own Dreamer is around too often joke. Myers throws down Swoggle’s book and shoves him over for a bonus.

Cody Deaner vs. Johnny Swinger

Cody runs him over to start and hits a hard clothesline for a bonus. Hold on though as Cody needs beer, allowing Swinger to choke him o the ropes. Some atomic drops have Swinger in trouble but a rake of the eyes breaks up the Dreamer DDT. Swinger goes outside and grabs his fanny pack to knock Deaner out at 3:01.

Rating: D. Nothing to this one of course, though Swinger selling the atomic drops was good stuff. Swinger continues to be someone who has no business being this entertaining and yet he keeps pulling it off. I could go for more of him like this and if it means loaded fanny packs, even more than that.

Here’s Moose to say that no one has taken the TNA World Title serious in six months. Some people say he took the title out of a trashcan but Moose lists off his resume, including his recent(ish) big wins. Granted they’re mainly ECW guys so I’m not sure how seriously I should be taking this. Now he has Rich Swann running around with the second most important title in this company. Come find him though and Moose will teach Swann what pain is. We see a clip of Moose attacking Willie Mack last week so Swann has been warned. Cue Mack for the brawl with Moose easily getting the better of things. Mack vs. Moose works.

In the back, Chris Bey comes up to Rich Swann and asks for a title shot. Swann seems interested but here’s Eddie Edwards to say it’s main event time.

Tommy Dreamer has narrowed his list down to ten suspects, most of whom were on Wrestle House. James Mitchell tries to say he couldn’t do it because he’s an angel but cracks up laughing. Taya says she is an angel, which is what Dreamer thinks makes her a perfect suspect. A bunch of mug shots take us out, making me think we’re in for another reality/competition show.

Here’s what’s coming next week and at Turning Point.

Rich Swann/Eddie Edwards vs. Sami Callihan/Eric Young

Swann and Callihan start things off with Sami knocking him into the corner. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Eddie and Swann hitting some dives to send us to an early break. Back with Eddie putting Callihan in a Boston crab for a flipping legdrop from Swann. Sami pops right back up and decks Sami, allowing the fast tag off to Young. Stomping and a neckbreaker give Young two and it’s back to Sami for a chinlock.

Young elbows Eddie in the face for two but Eddie gets in a Blue Thunder Bomb on Callihan. The partners are knocked off the apron, leaving Eddie to catch Swann with a running boot in the corner. The hot tag brings in Swann as everything breaks down. Swann gets to clean house and he hurricanranas Young off the ropes onto Callihan for two. A double Lethal Injection drops the villains and the real hot tag brings in Eddie to take over.

Eddie grabs a half crab on Young and Swann gets the Sharpshooter on Callihan. They tease tapping out but grab the arms to break it up. Young gets out and breaks it up so Eddie catapults him out to the floor. There’s the Backpack Stunner for two on Sami and the half crab goes back on. Cue Ken Shamrock to jump Swann (and possibly Young) for a distraction though, allowing Sami to hit the Cactus Special and pin Eddie at 10:57.

Rating: C+. Totally fine big name main event which is likely going to set up a bunch of stuff in the future. The main event scene is doing well at the moment and while Swann is still growing into a main event, points for trying someone new in the role, which has been a problem for a long time now. The evil trio will be fine enough for the short term, but they need a top villain.

Overall Rating: C-. It wasn’t their best show but there is enough going on to make me want to see where some of these things go. They seem to be in a bit of a holding pattern with some of the bigger stuff though and the Who Shot Bravo feels more like a vehicle for Dreamer than anything else. It should be fun though and if that’s the case, we should be in for a nice enough winter. Not a show you need to see here, but it was an acceptable two hours.

Results

Deonna Purrazzo b. Su Yung via DQ when Yung used a chair

Chris Bey b. Trey Miguel – Middle rope cutter

Doc Gallows b. Ethan Page via DQ when Josh Alexander interfered

Johnny Swinger b. Cody Deaner – Fanny pack to the head

Sami Callihan/Eric Young b. Eddie Edwards/Rich Swann – Cactus Special to Edwards

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 13, 2020
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Madison Rayne

We’re almost up to Bound For Glory and that means it’s time to add in a few more matches before building up everything that has already been set. The show is still lacking that one big match to really make it feel special and I’m not sure what could fill in that role. That’s kind of a problem on the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Moose is yelling at Scott D’Amore for being put in a match in an undisclosed location. D’Amore reminds him that it will also be against an opponent who doesn’t work here for a title he never won. Moose has no time for this and storms off.

We cut to EC3 saying Moose is controlling his narrative. EC3 holds up the title and we cut to Moose, saying he knows where he needs to go.

Opening sequence.

Rosemary/Taya Valkyrie vs. Tasha Steelz/Kiera Hogan vs. Nevaeh/Havok

Rosemary waistlocks Nevaeh to open things up but gets rolled up for a fast two. It’s quickly off to Taya vs. Nevaeh with Taya being taken into the corner. Havok comes in for a splash as Tasha and Kiera are talking trash from the apron. Taya gets knocked into the corner and Kiera comes in for a running shot to the face. That’s broken up with Taya driving Kiera into the corner for the tag off to Rosemary.

It’s off to Nevaeh even faster and a suplex gets two on Kiera. A double whip into the corner has Nevaeh in trouble and Tasha grabs a chinlock. Nevaeh hits a belly to back faceplant and it’s off to Havok to clean house. Everything breaks down and it’s Taya cleaning house, including a big dive off the top to take out Havok, Nevaeh and Kiera. Tasha teases a dive but has to stop when she realizes that the referee is checking on everyone so it’s a little dancing instead. Rosemary cuts her off with a spear and it’s a Wing Clipper (needs a name) for the pin on Steelz at 9:17.

Rating: C-. This was a little too messy and it wasn’t the best thing in the world as a result. You can only get so far with this many people running around, though Taya and Rosemary continuing to win is a good idea. The problem is they don’t really have anything to accomplish, though I’m curious to see where the wedding story is going from here.

Post match Havok and Nevaeh stare down Rosemary and Taya. Didn’t we do that match earlier?

Josh and Madison preview the show.

John E. Bravo yells at the wedding party about everything being so expensive. Johnny Swinger brags about beating Buddy Landel in Mid-Atlantic but Crazzy Steve tries to break things up. A match is made for later. For the first time we have the date confirmed for two weeks from now.

Rosemary appears to Havok, who she needs to bring back Father James Mitchell to officiate the wedding. Havok knows this is going to keep going so next week they can have a match. If Rosemary wins, she’ll bring Mitchell back but if Havok wins, Rosemary lets all of this go and Mitchell stays gone. Deal.

Fallah Bahh vs. Crazzy Steve

The referee checks Bahh for weapons so Steve starts gyrating his hips. Steve wants Bahh to take his shirt off to reveal the hidden money but Bahh drives him into the corner. A running crossbody hits Steve but Bahh makes sure to grab his chest to make sure the money is there. Steve is back with a sleeper and pulls Bahh’s shirt off to reveal the money. A rollup pins Bahh at 2:47. These wedding matches still make me chuckle.

Rhino comes to see Heath, who is now in the Call Your Shot battle royal at Bound For Glory. If either of them win, Heath has a contract, but if neither of them win, Heath never has a chance around here. They have a match later tonight so Heath runs off to get ready. Scott D’Amore comes in to ask when Rhino is going to tell Heath the other part: if neither of them win, Rhino’s contract is done too.

Kaleb With A K introduces our next match.

Tenille Dashwood/Tommy Dreamer/Brian Myers/Cody Deaner/Johnny Swinger vs. Cousin Jake/Hernandez/Alisha/Rhino/Heath

The winning team will face off in a five way next week for the #20 spot in the Call Your Shot battle royal. Swinger and Heath start things off, with Swinger getting in some Hindu squats. There’s no contact to start so it’s off to Tenille vs. Alisha with Tenille grabbing a headlock. Tenille takes her down for a basement clothesline and it’s time to start the trash talk. Cody comes in so Alisha tags Hernandez…who hands it right off to Rhino instead. Cody grabs a headlock (Cody: “I’M GONNA BEAT RHINO!”) but Rhino runs him over with a shoulder.

Jake and Dreamer come in with Jake hitting his own running shoulder. It’s off to Hernandez to bearhug Tommy, who bites his way to freedom. Hernandez knocks all of the opponents off of the apron but Dreamer pulls Myers in, which counts as a tag. Heath comes in for a jumping knee and neckbreaker to Myers, who is right back with a shot to the face. Swinger tags himself in and the Wake Up Call gives Heath the fast pin at 7:18.

Rating: D+. This was fine for what they were going for here as there was no reason to do anything more than have a quick match with Heath getting the pin. The battle royal should be a good enough match and it doesn’t need to be anything more than that and a way to fill in some time. Heath continues to be amusing and he fills in that role rather well.

Sami Callihan and Eddie Edwards get in a fight in the back until Ken Shamrock comes in to lock Eddie’s ankle.

Eric Young asks Jimmy Jacobs thinks will happen to Rich Swann if he tries to wrestle at Bound For Glory. Young wants some answers about Swann so he’s going to the ring tonight to get them.

Kimber Lee vs. Kylie Rae

Deonna Purrazzo is here with Lee. Rae gets taken into the corner to start as the camera cuts are on fire to start. The threat of a Crossface has Lee fighting Rae off and she bails outside when Rae tries a running knee in the hurricanrana. A hurricanrana into a kick to the face gives Rae two but Lee tries a German suplex off the apron. Naturally that’s blocked so Lee settles for a powerbomb onto the apron instead.

Back in and some eye rakes have Rae down again but she grabs the leg for a failed STF attempt. Lee gets two off a delayed vertical suplex and it’s time to crank on the leg. That’s reversed into a cross armbreaker but Lee is right back out with a basement clothesline. Rae makes the comeback and gets two off the Kylie Special but Lee grabs a pop up sitout powerbomb for the same. A short arm clothesline puts Lee down again but Rae has to get rid of Purrazzo. That’s fine enough though as the STF finishes Lee at 9:49.

Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t so much the point here as they were all about setting up the title match at Bound For Glory. They did a nice job of making you believe that Rae is a threat to Purrazzo, though she is a completely different kind of beast. Rae is getting better and better every time she is in the ring so hopefully that continues at the pay per view.

Post match Rae won’t let go so Purrazzo comes in, only to get beaten up as well.

Here are the Good Brothers for a chat. They’re glad to be here and they know they’re the best. They still need the titles though and those are coming at Bound For Glory.

Doc Gallows vs. Madman Fulton

Karl Anderson and Ace Austin are here too. Gallows knocks him into the corner to start but gets caught with Snake Eyes. A clothesline puts Gallows on the floor but he pulls Fulton out there with him. They fight up the ramp and it’s a double countout at 1:19. Fair enough, though quite disappointing.

Actually never mind as they’re continuing after the break and it’s now a street fight. Fulton hammers him down and sends Gallows into the barricade. A trashcan is put over Gallows’ head for a shot with a stick but Gallows is back with a beer shot to the head. Some chair shots have Fulton down but he comes back with a big boot. Fulton wedges a chair in the corner but charges into it, allowing Gallows to chokeslam him through some more chairs for the pin at 9:40 total.

Rating: D+. It’s a pure garbage brawl and the break in the middle didn’t help things. Fulton has cooled off a lot in recent weeks and while he’s still a big deal, he isn’t on the level of the Good Brothers. Then again, based on how things are going around here at the moment, the Good Brothers are probably the biggest stars in the promotion, which is kind of a weird way to go.

Here’s what’s coming at Bound For Glory and next week, much of which will lead into the pay per view.

Here’s Eric Young to complain about how he has to deal with a bunch of nonsense eleven days before Bound For Glory. He wants to hear that Rich Swann quit and wants to hear it right now. We cut to Scott D’Amore, who gets a phone call from someone who has done something for him. D’Amore has something to do and, after a break, D’Amore is coming to the ring. Young demands that D’Amore say he has the night off at Bound For Glory. D’Amore says that Young did extensive damage to Swann’s leg, which is enough for Young.

Eric goes into a rant about how D’Amore works for him now, so D’Amore asks what happened to Young. D’Amore remembers when Young was in Team Canada and being treated like garbage everywhere else. But now he’s this? What happened? Not that it matters, because Swann is going to be cleared for Bound For Glory and the title is on the line. Young snaps and beats the heck out of him in the corner until Swann runs out for a Lethal Injection to send Young running.

Moose drives to a bridge and finds EC3 holding the TNA World Title. EC3 says Moose is a mix of every wrestling personality he has ever seen. The fight is on, with EC3 knocking him down and picking up the title again. EC3 asks who Moose is and says it wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t so sad. Moose gets back up and hammers him down to take the title back. A bloody EC3 laughs as Moose leaves with the title.

Overall Rating: D. This company is limping into its biggest show of the year and this was another really bad step on the way. The biggest problem is Bound For Glory just feels like a collection of matches instead of anything important. The top three matches are a four way for the Tag Team Titles, EC3 and Moose fighting over a title that doesn’t count, and Eric Young vs. Rich Swann in a match that feels like it should be for the X Division Title.

What on here seems like it’s something important? Maybe the ten person tag to set up a five way to set up the last entrant in a battle royal for a future title shot? Or the six way for the midcard title? The show isn’t coming off like an important pay per view but rather some kind of a packed gimmick show that doesn’t actually have a gimmick. Slammiversary felt important and interesting. This feels like a show we have to get through. That shouldn’t be happening, but it’s all we have.

Results

Taya Valkyrie/Rosemary b. Tasha Steelz/Kiera Hogan and Nevaeh/Havok – Wing Clipper to Steelz

Crazzy Steve b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup

Cousin Jake/Hernandez/Alisha/Rhino/Heath b. Tenille Dashwood/Tommy Dreamer/Brian Myers/Cody Deaner/Johnny Swinger – Wake Up Call to Swinger

Kylie Rae b. Kimber Lee – Smile To The Finish

Doc Gallows b. Madman Fulton – Two handed chokeslam through chairs

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Fite TV

Talk N Shop A-Mania
Date: August 1, 2020
Location: Doc Gallows’ Backyard
Commentators: Karl Anderson, Doc Gallows, Rocky Romero

I really don’t know what to say about this as it is not going to be a normal wrestling show. The whole thing was filmed in Gallows’ backyard and the main event is a Boneryard (not a typo) match between the Good Brothers’ alter egos of Sex Ferguson and Chad 2 Badd, who you might remember from Southpaw Regional Wrestling. These guys can be hilarious and I’m morbidly curious about what is going on here. Let’s get to it.

Also note that I don’t listen to the podcast that helped set this up so if there are any jokes or references I don’t get, I apologize in advance.

The Good Brothers and Romero welcome us from their podcast and explain the idea of the show. They have flown people around the country to do this show with Coronavirus prevention and have some advice for us: get rather drunk and have a good time. There is no disrespect meant for anyone and it is all meant in fun with a big wink. Gallows does a Bruce Buffer style intro and recommends we take off our pants. Anderson: “And Gallows, a big f*** you for making us do this.”

What have I gotten myself into?

Anderson is filming to start and finds his “Hot Asian Wife” (he has a shirt that says “Property Of My Hot Asian Wife”) hula hooping in rather limited clothing. She finds out he’s there and offers to flash the camera, sending Anderson running off.

We cut to Anderson arriving at the house (in a HAW, for Hot Asian Wife, shirt) and helps Rocky Romero out of the back of his truck. They walk into Gallows’ backyard and find Teddy Long, who is here “To get f****** paid. Now step back six feet.” They keep going and Dave Penzer handles their intro as they go through an entrance and, after another quick walk, they find the ring. The trio welcomes us to the show, with a wide shot showing that they are all alone with Penzer and the cameraman. Oh and one more camerawoman on a wide shot.

Chad 2 Badd (Anderson) doesn’t like the idea of Sex Ferguson (Gallows) thinking he was the leader of the team.

Ferguson rants about Badd messing everything up and being influenced by Paul Layman. The Boneryard match is on and Gallows does an Undertaker eye roll while promising to make Chad “rest in feces.”

Commentary welcomes us to the show and give us a quick explanation of how this whole thing came together. The Good Brothers aren’t sure who wins the main event, but Romero likes ham.

Battle Royal

That’s a social distancing battle royal of course and Chavo Guerrero jumps in on commentary. We’re on a wide shot so I’m not even sure who all is involved and most of them don’t get an entrance (I’ll leave the name off because there are a bunch of surprise entrants). Beach (I think that’s his name at least) has a bunch of pool noodles under his arms. Manning, the Manscout, walks out through the entrance with his scout guide (it’s his thing) after the bell rings and everyone else is in the ring. He’s joined by a rather large man named Freight Train and the two join everyone else. Train dumps Rozelli, plus three more guys (only one is named as Little Knobbs) and then Manning. Gallows: “I kind of wish we were back in New York!”

Lazer, who looks like Hurricane (or “who looks like that guy we can’t name” according to Anderson) dives onto the pile at ringside but here’s Stang (appears to be Anderson in a Sting costume, complete with face paint, but might be Heath Slater) to point the bat at him. That goes nowhere but Mike Bennett runs in, looks around, and eliminates himself. Everyone left in the ring beats Beach with the pool noodles and toss him out. Gallows begs the wrestlers not to sue him because he doesn’t have a job anymore but stops because he realizes Pillman is in this thing.

The guy in the blue jacket is eliminated and it’s Pillman into a wrestling sequence with Sgt. Hammerlock. Train very slowly (on purpose) clotheslines them down and throws Hammerlock out. We’re down to Train and Pillman but here’s Alex Kozlov (the podcast editor) to join things. Kozlov lights up a cigarette and kicks Train in the corner before taking Pillman down.

Cue Kozlov’s bearded mother (that’s what she’s called) to beat on him with a purse. She does the same to Train and Pillman helps her get rid of him before Mother clears the ring. Hold on though as here’s Chico El Luchador (Rocky Romero in a mask, complete with surgical mask as a bonus, and Chavo HATES him) to Stun Mother and throw her out for the win at 6:50 (in theory, as there are no bells on this show).

Rating: D+. As you might have guessed, the match quality has absolutely nothing to do with the value of the show here as they are riffing on every single thing taking place. This was almost a parody of a battle royal and I had a good time with it, which is all you can say about something like this one. The run ins were fun and knowing the wrestlers wasn’t the point.

Post match Chico makes the belt motion to Chavo, who really isn’t happy. Chico gets a belt as Chavo accuses him of being from Bolivia. Oh and he’ll shoot Chico.

Gallows talks to Kozlov, who doesn’t speak much English. He blames his mother, who runs up and beats him with the purse. Anderson: “HIS MOTHER IS REAL!”

Ferguson arrives and asks Mike Bennett for pills. Bennett hands them over and speeds off before his wife finds out.

Penzer: “And I thought Sturgis sucked.” Teddy Long comes up to laugh at him.

Frankie Coverdale vs. Paul Lee

This is a Contract On A Tree match and Lee is doing a pretty awesomely bad Ric Flair impression, including driving onto Gallows’ lawn in a Corvette. As he walks to the ring, he passes a dancing Maria Kanellis in a swimsuit but in the next shot she is replaced by a rather heavy woman in the same kind of outfit. Commentary cracks up over the ridiculously long entrance, including ranting about how Lee wipes his feet before getting in the ring but no one wiped their feet before coming into the house.

Lee’s trunks say “Ric WHO” and they touch elbows to start. Coverdale, who I believe was in the battle royal, grabs a waistlock to start but Lee gyrates his way out. Lee throws him outside….and Coverdale just runs off towards a pond, which Gallows says isn’t even on his property, for the countout at about 1:40. Well that was quick. No tree was ever shown, but then again what would the contract be for?

Chico brags about winning the title and talks about the heat his family has with the Guerreros. He wants Chavo in a title match, if the Good Brothers have the money.

We cut back to Lee headlocking Coverdale in the middle of a field and shouting WOO a lot. Gallows tries to conduct an interview but gives up.

George North vs. Stump Kowalski

This is a hardcore match and Stump looks like a Hornswoggle sized Big Papa Pump. Kowalski 2x4s him down and we cut to another shot to North’s back, with commentary bragging about their crazy editing skills. They head outside with Stump swinging a kendo stick in slow motion but only hitting post. North grabs a headlock and drags him off as he rains in right hands. Commentary says this is officially terrible….and the match just ends at about 1:05.

Time to thank sponsors.

Back with the fight up by the pool, with the Rock N Roll Express watching, along with some other unidentified wrestlers. They run into Lee still headlocking Coverdale and head into the house, where we’re fast forwarded to a bedroom, where Brian Myers and some kids are playing with the old WWF ring (I have that) and the awesome Hasbro line of figures. One of the kids elbows North down and the referee smiles a lot.

Ferguson asks Scott D’Amore for double pay and is told to be professional. And no pay in gas station d*** (at least that’s what I think he said).

Here’s Teddy Long to complain about his lack of pay. And to make some tag matches, because that’s what he does.

80s Russians vs. Jungle Kittens

No word on if those are the Minnesota variety Russians. Either way they jump the Kittens (in fur pelts) and go into the 80s power offense as Gallows talks about a cameraman asking if he can take a break and go hunting in the woods. That’s a big no, so one of the Russians hits a Sickle for the pin on a Kitten at 1:05.

Post match Long yells about this not being the 80s. No, this is the 90s, so here are Lodi and Sick Boy of Raven’s Flock fame. Lodi’s sign: “YES! WE ARE STILL ALIVE!” The Yeti, better known as Ron Reis (or Reese in the Flock) is here, but this time around he’s in his Reese gear with toilet paper wrapped around him. They don’t like it though so he goes into the woods and rips most of it off. The Flock comes in and beats up the Kittens with kendo sticks. Cue D’Lo Brown (Anderson: “All I care about is the head shake.”) in an Aces and 8’s shirt for a Low Down on a Russian.

Now it’s Rhino to Gore both Russians as Anderson tries to figure out Rhino’s political career. Brian Pillman Jr. comes out as well and hits Air Pillman on a Kitten. The other three are dropkicked down but Rim Job (In the old Kim Chee gear. Yes I think people watching this show will know who Kim Chee is) comes in. There’s no one to beat up though so here is Chavo Guerrero to hit Job with Pepe.

The frog splash and Eddie Guerrero dance ensue, which draw out Willie Mack to Stun some Russians. One of the Kittens gets in a cheap shot but Chavo makes the save and hits Three Amigos. Anderson gets up and hands them beers, with Mack Stunning Chavo. This was more insanity and it was fun watching to see who was coming out next.

Chad talks to D’Amore and reveals himself as Anderson. He’s the bump and feed guy so he should get more money.

Gallows: “We grew up in the Attitude Era. That was one of the worst things in the history of professional wrestling.”

Rory Fox vs. Matt Cardona

This is a grudge match sponsored by Pro Wrestling Tees and a reference to an infamous match on ECW on SyFy where Cardona ripped off Fox’s gear, revealing nothing underneath. You can imagine the editing that had to be done and yes, the fans in the arena saw everything. But since Cardona is AEW, here’s Brian Myers instead. Myers: “Rory Fox, you stupid f****** never was jabroni f****** idiot.” Myers has a replacement to face Fox.

Rory Fox vs. Swoggle Ryder

Yes Myers sings Oh Radio on the way to the ring. The graphic says Swoggledona and I don’t think it makes the slightest difference. Swoggle: “WHOA WHOA WHOA!” He bites Rory’s trunks and gets stomped down in the corner as we hear about Fox sleeping on Gallows’ treadmill last night. Myers comes in and we’re edited to him tossing Swoggle at Fox for the pin at 1:30. Anderson: “We need a new producer. Holy s*** that was terrible.”

Post match they rip Fox’s trunks off and he runs away.

We go back to the pool where North is shoved down the water slide (How much do they pay in Japan???), which is enough to win the match. Penzer: “Ladies and gentlemen, the loser of the hardcore match, Doc Gallows, because he booked this s***!”. Elsewhere in the pool Lee is STILL working that headlock on Coverdale, even in the shallow end.

Chico goes to do some bench presses, even with no weight on the bar. He has a spotter but Chavo comes in to take his place, because Chico is apparently blind. They fight in the gym, with Chavo asking if he is on the gas and throwing him into the sauna. Chavo: “It’s not as hot as your mom!” Chico breaks out and they brawl with the workout equipment, stop to offer respect to their respective grandfathers, and then back to the action. Chavo: “Back to the action!” Chavo knocks him down and wins the title, which he promises to have sex on before he kills Chico. Chavo leaves and gets jumped by Chad 2 Badd, who wins the title.

Here’s NZO for a chat. NZO: “I forgot what I was going to f****** show.” He knows Gallows is losing money on this show, even though he put himself over in the main event they put on last night. NZO knows he is losing money too and hopes everyone enjoys it, even if he just spoiled the main event.

We go back to the large woman from earlier (with Elvis behind her) and Coverdale REVERSES THE HEADLOCK ON LEE! Elvis jumps him and dances with the woman but Brian Myers, also in an Elvis suit, jumps him as well. Now it’s another Elvis (Slater again I believe) jumping Myers to dance with the woman but the original Elvis low blows the third Elvis (this is confusing) and Myers. Penzer: “And the winner of the Contract In A Tree match….who really gives a f***?”

A hearse arrives and it seems to be time for the main event.

Talk N Shop A-Mania Title: Chad 2 Badd vs. Sex Ferguson

Air Paris (AJ Styles’ old tag partner from about 20 years ago) shows up with a rubber chicken and gets elbowed in the face by Ferguson. Chad gets knocked down as Ferguson is all fired up. A low blow takes him down (Ferguson: “OW! MY F****** C***!”) and Paris is annoyed at getting beaten up when he was just trying to sell a shirt. Ferguson is thrown through a wall but here’s Bennett to give him pills to fire him up.

Chad is knocked onto a pile of dirt with a gloved hand sticking out. Chad: “Uncle Alan? Why didn’t you save us in New York? I know you tried and that’s why you switched shows.” Fox runs back in to complain about losing his gear again and then runs off for a second time. Ferguson does an Undertaker impression but gets knocked down. Cue Maria (Ferguson: “Not this s*** again! A reference to Maria distracting Gallows in a match in Japan.) to distract Chad (who starts speaking Spanish) until Ferguson hits him in the back with the arm from the dirt pile.

Maria yells about being a mother and storms off, ranting about how she doesn’t need to be with these two idiots. Chad grabs the ear again and Slater and Myers watch from lawn chairs. That turns into an argument over the two of them being booked, with Chad saying Gallows did it and that’s why he sucks. Ferguson gets in a low blow and loads up the hand again (Ferguson: “Ready for your hand job?”) but the Rock N Roll Express interrupt. They decide to just head to the merch table so here are the druids, causing Chad and Tex to team up one last time.

After the druids are dispatched and we get the 8 bit celebration music, Chad grabs the ear again and carries Ferguson over to….the Express’ gimmick table. Chad: “I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING!” NZO comes in and asks for an autograph but he has zero dimes. That earns him a superkick from Ferguson to put him through the table, which is enough to make the Express leave. Hold on though because here’s Johnny Swinger to interrupt. Chad accuses him of stealing his gimmick and the fight is on, with Ferguson getting in a cheap shot so Johnny can do his squats.

Ferguson is knocked face first into Slater’s crotch and Chad kicks him down. Swinger gets kicked as well but Ferguson is back up to throw Chad into Myers. Chad kicks Ferguson down for two (like the rules matter) but here is Chico to run away from Chavo, who is holding a huge knife. Chad headbutts Ferguson (Chad: “Yeah I got a headbutt fetish too!”) and they climb onto the hearse, which Ferguson bought for $2500 on eBay. A Tombstone plants Chad on the roof….and we hit the dream sequence.

We flash back to September 2019 where the Brothers were ready to sign with AEW and meet with the Young Bucks. They’re ready to sign but they also have a great offer from the Pauls in New York. Max asks if New York will have their back if there is some kind of a global pandemic or something. They all too sweet and chant AEW but the Pauls send in another offer, which is too good to pass up. The Bucks superkick them down and call them marks for going to TNA anyway.

Back to reality and Chad sits up to hit Ferguson in the face and takes him to the grave. Ferguson begs forgiveness because he wants to be a babyface with a singles run but Chad breaks a board over his head to knock him into the grave. We cut to a man looking stunned (….that might have been the Undertaker guy from Wrestlemania XXX) and come back to Chad burying Ferguson to his theme music. This takes extra time as Chad has to yell at Slater and Myers but apparently it’s enough for the win at about 19:30.

Rating: B. As usual, I have no idea how to rate this but it was hilarious with the guys basically doing their own commentary throughout the match. The cameos were great with things like the Express’ gimmick table and the ear thing over and over again. It’s not to be taken seriously (of course) and that’s how this should have gone. Throw in the fact that it’s a complete parody of a genre that is being driven into the ground these days but is still ripe for jokes and it’s a good time.

Chad drives off in the golf cart and Ferguson gets out of the grave, now in a hockey mask and with a large sex toy next to him. To be continued. Maybe.

Overall Rating: A-. My stance on comedy wrestling is pretty well known and I had a great time with this. It’s in and out in less than an hour and a half and they don’t stop with the jokes. They were smart to keep it that way too, as anything serious on here would have been a big miss. Gallows and Anderson are freaking hilarious and put together a hilarious bunch of stuff here where, aside from the main event, it felt like they threw a bunch of stuff together and then decided to make up the jokes off the loosest of concepts. Find a way to watch this with some wrestling friends and have a good time, because it’s worth your time/money.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

http://www.f4wonline.com/wwe-news/njpw-stars-nakamura-aj-styles-luke-gallows-and-karl-anderson-headed-wwe-204971

If this is true, it’s the biggest talent raid since Hall and Nash.  This could be huge.

And some of them are pretty familiar.

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Justin Gabriel

Davey Boy Smith Jr.

Doc Gallows

Karl Anderson

Lance Hoyt

Chris Masters

Quinn Ojinnaka

Thea Trinidad

Sanada

We waited a year for some WWE/TNA rejects and a few guys from Japan? The shows might be fun, but this is going to need some major work to get anywhere.