Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 19,776
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was one of the shows that tied for the most votes for a redo but I’ve seen Wrestlemania X, the other option, more times than I really need to and this sounded more interesting. It’s kind of an infamous Wrestlemania as there are no singles matches on the entire show but it is the biggest show of the year in the best year WWE has ever seen. Let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner. Sweet goodness she can knock that out of the park.

The opening video is a quick “hey it’s Wrestlemania” before looking at the four way main event with a McMahon in each corner. That’s all that really matters here, but it’s quite the big deal.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Ice T. raps Godfather and Brown to the floor with an original song, including telling the fans to “GRAB YOUR B******!” Brown slugs away at Buchanan to start and it’s off to Godfather in a hurry. That means a slam into the spinning legdrop, only to miss the big elbow (which would have missed by three feet anyway). Boss Man comes in and the fans aren’t pleased, mainly because this is their opener.

It’s back to Buchanan, who hits that perfect top rope spinning clothesline so Boss Man can come in for the running crotch attack to the back. A big boot into the ax kick gets two as Lawler can’t help but freak out over Godfather’s ladies. Buchanan whips Brown into the steps and it’s back inside for the bearhug.

The fans get on Boss Man again as Brown fights out, only to get caught with a backbreaker as JR makes XFL references. Buchanan goes up so Godfather shakes the rope for the crotching. A hurricanrana allows the hot tag to Godfather and there’s the Ho Train to Boss Man. Everything breaks down and it’s a Boss Man Slam to Brown, followed by the great looking guillotine legdrop for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: D+. What a completely bizarre opener. This would have been a filler match on any given episode of Raw and it’s the first thing you see on Wrestlemania? With the heels winning? It’s a really weird choice here and serves no major purpose, so why go this way? The crowd was surprised and a bit deflated, which is a rather stupid choice to open the show. Totally weird one here.

HHH and Stephanie, the Women’s Champion, are rather chill before the huge main event.

We see Crash handing over the Hardcore Title so it can be defended in the Hardcore Battle Royal.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Crash, Tazz, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Hardcore Holly, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Mosh, Thrasher, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending and this is a big free for all with falls counting anywhere. Whoever gets the final fall leaves as champion, with no limit on the title changes allowed. It’s a brawl to start and Tazz suplexes Crash for the pin at 24 seconds. Viscera grabs Tazz for a posting and a World’s Strongest Slam gives him the title at 56 seconds.

A bunch of people brawl around the ring but another bunch go after Viscera. The Acolytes can’t put him down, though Hardcore can bust Crash open with a shot to the head. The weapons shots continue with no one getting any serious advantage until Hardcore hits Viscera with a cookie sheet for two. More violence ensues as we hit five minutes, though Viscera is starting to slow down.

Abs suplexes him for the title at 6:37 to go but gets sent into a door so Thrasher can pin him with 6:18 to go. Back in the arena and the bloody Pete Gas sprays Thrasher with a fire extinguisher for the title with 5:32 to go. They go back to ringside and Tazz suplexes Pete for the title with 4:44 to go. In the confusion, Tazz even rolls Thrasher up for one, with the referee counting out of insanity. The Hollys double team Tazz inside until he trashcan lids his way to freedom, including a shot to Crash’s head for two.

We have two minutes left as the Hollys fight over who gets to pin Tazz, as you might have seen coming. Hardcore’s dropkick gets two with a minute left but he gets suplexed out, leaving him alone in the ring. Crash comes back in for a cookie sheet shot for the title at 37 seconds left.

Tazz grabs the Tazmission but Hardcore busts a jar of candy over Tazz’s head for the pin and the title at 1 second left to win the thing at 15:00. That was a botched ending as the referee stopped counting at 2 because Hardcore came in too early and shouldn’t have gotten the pin. Also, allegedly, Tazz was supposed to get a run as Intercontinental Champion (possibly in the role that went to Chris Benoit) but the glass got in his eye and he was out of action for a few months as a result.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure what to say about this one, but the biggest problem is it goes on a bit too long. Cut this down to ten minutes and it’s better, as what they have loses its charm a bit near the end. The ending being botched didn’t help things either and there is no big moment that makes you chuckle. It’s not a disaster or anything, but it’s nothing memorable either.

We look at Axxess, which was still a new thing back then. Chris Jericho thinks everyone is here to him, and he might be right. It’s so weird seeing it still be what looks to be a smaller function, compared to the insanity that it is today. This goes on for a good while, likely to clean up the arena.

We look at the battle royal ending again, because it was that much of a mess.

Al Snow talks to someone in a bathroom stall because he has some idea. Steve Blackman comes in and tells him to be serious.

We cut to a closeup of Trish Stratus’ chest, just in case you thought the next match meant a thing.

An enziguri takes Albert down so it’s back to Blackman, who gets shouldered down. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Test gets sent outside. That leaves Albert to get suplexed and Snow slowly hammers away as the match somehow grinds to more of a halt. Blackman’s middle rope headbutt gets two as Chester starts hitting on Trish. Lawler: “It’s like Chester the Molester.”

Albert knocks Blackman away and brings in Test to pick up the pace in a weird near hot tag from the heels. A powerbomb gets two on Snow because this needs to keep going, including the bowling shoe line from JR. Snow is back up with a backbreaker/guillotine legdrop combination for two on Test. Albert gorilla presses Test onto Blackman for two with Snow making the save. He gets knocked down, leaving Blackman to get press slammed again, setting up Test’s top rope elbow for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: F. Other than Trish, this is one of the most irredeemable matches I’ve seen in years. There was no heat, there was no good action and there was no reason to keep this going. I’m not sure what the thinking was going into this but it was a disaster in every sense of the word. This is up there with some of the worst Wrestlemania matches ever and the only reason it’s not higher is the stakes are so low.

Post match, Snow and Blackman beat up Chester because the loss was his fault. Somehow, this made things even worse, if that’s possible.

Kat is sans clothing in the back with Mae Young and we get an Austin Powers style gag with Mae holding up various objects at rather opportune times to cover various things.

The Dudley Boyz aren’t happy with being in a ladder match but they’re ready to walk out as champions. This is when Bubba still had the southern accent and it’s bizarre to see these days.

Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

The Dudleys are defending in the first ever triangle ladder match. There isn’t exactly a story here, because that would be missing the point in a match like this. Edge and Christian jump the Hardys before the bell and the fight is on with the champs still in the aisle. As usual, the three brawls break out at the same time and they wind up all around the arena. Bubba gives Jeff a Bubba Bomb and Christian throws in the first ladder.

Everyone winds up inside with ladders crushing the Dudleys in the corner. Edge gets laddered down as well and Jeff hits a DDT on Bubba. Jeff’s 450 hits ladder though, leaving Bubba to put the ladder on him and Bubba Bomb said ladder. Another ladder is put on top of Matt so Edge rides a ladder down, Shawn Michaels style, to crush him again. Back up and Bubba puts the ladder on his head for the Terry Funk helicopter spot until the Canadians dropkick him down.

The double flapjack puts D-Von into the ladder in the corner, followed by Christian climbing a ladder and diving down onto Bubba and Matt. Jeff climbs up so Edge spears him off the top rope in a big crash. Multiple ladders are set up in the middle and it’s Bubba cuttering Christian off for the next double knockdown. The Hardys are back up with the splash/legdrop combination to Bubba, followed by a superplex to bring D-Von off the ladder.

Edge and Christian and the Hardys climb but take each other back down and it’s a huge double crash. A third ladder is set up and all six climb, with the Hardys taking a crazy bump over the top to the floor, with Christian and Edge being shoved onto the ropes for a nice crash of their own. Back in and Christian gets crushed with the ladder, leaving Edge to take 3D (the old version, with Bubba getting a running start). Some tables are thrown in and the Dudleys bridge one up on top of a pair of ladders like a scaffold.

The Hardys make the save because that took a long time but the Dudleys are right back up too. Bubba sets up a table at ringside and climbs onto a table (JR: “Not the Spanish announce table!”) and powerbombs Matt through it. D-Von’s splash misses Jeff and only hits table so Jeff runs the barricade at Bubba, who throws a ladder at him for the nasty crash.

Just to make it worse, Bubba sets up the huge ladder in the aisle with a table for a bonus. Christian pops back up and saves Jeff with a bell shot though, leaving Bubba on the table. You know what that means, as Jeff goes up and hits the CRAZY Swanton to crush Bubba (who sells it like death). Back in and Matt goes up, only to get shoved off the platform and through the table, leaving Edge and Christian to win their first (of a freaking ton) Tag Team Titles at 22:31.

Rating: A. I could watch these every day, but egads they are some violent matches. They beat the heck out of each other and it’s some of the most exciting things you’ll see. One of them was once told that they weren’t supposed to be telling stories in these matches but they were managing to pull it off. That’s absolutely the case, as the series of matches that started here would just get better. It’s almost impossible to believe they would wind up being so amazing, but this was quite awesome in its own right, with the ending being a pretty cool visual. Check this out if you haven’t in awhile.

Linda McMahon tells Mick Foley to go get it tonight. Foley talks about how this is the biggest show of the year and it’s the biggest match ever, so it’s the biggest match of all time. Tonight, he’s proving that fairy tales come true for him. I’ve watched a lot of Foley over the years and you can hear it in his voice: this means the world to him.

The Kat vs. Terri

Mae Young and Moolah are the respective seconds, Val Venis is refereeing and you win by throwing the other woman to the floor. Val gets in his usual jokes about how this is the big show and only comes once a year, but…..yeah you get the joke here. The catfight is on in a hurry but Kat stops to kiss Val. A few hair tosses let Terri pose but Kat nails a spear. Mae gets on the apron and tries to take off her clothes, meaning Val misses Kat throwing Terri out. Moolah goes after Terri so Mae can kiss Val, allowing Moolah to pull Kat to the floor, giving Terri the win at 2:23. This was somehow worse than the usual women’s match of the day.

Post match Mae hits Moolah and gives her the Bronco Buster. Kat strips off Terri’s pants for a bonus.

The Radicalz are ready for their six man match but Eddie Guerrero is more worried about his hair. And Chyna.

Chyna is disgusted.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

The Radicalz (minus Benoit here) have only been around about two and a half months here. Eddie and Scotty circle each other to start until Eddie’s headlock makes Scotty lose his hat. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Eddie so Scotty dances over to Chyna, meaning Eddie needs to crawl to the corner in a hurry. As JR talks about Chyna looking great, it’s a double suplex to drop Dean, allowing Chyna and Grandmaster to dance a bit.

Grandmaster slams Malenko and makes that weird noise of his, followed by a belly to back suplex to Guerrero. Saturn breaks up the Hip Hop Drop though and it’s the Radicalz taking over for the first time. Just to make it personal, Saturn STEALS GRANDMASTER’S HEAD THING and stomps away even more. Grandmaster doesn’t like the hat stealing and gets over for the tag a few seconds later, only to have Scotty get dropped ribs first onto the top rope. Lawler: “Chyna starting to feel the heat. She’s starting to perspire and get moist!”

Eddie gyrates at her a bit before sending her into the turnbuckle, earning himself a Grandmaster suplex to the floor. Everything breaks down and it’s a double Worm (JR: “Not the double Worm! Well it is Wrestlemania!”) to Saturn and Malenko. The referee grabs Chyna to keep her from killing Eddie and Saturn superkicks Scotty.

The always great looking top rope elbow mostly misses so Scotty can superplex Eddie down. Chyna comes in off the hot tag and cleans house, including a double low blow to Saturn and Malenko. Eddie tries to powerbomb Chyna but she slips out into one of her own (with almost no elevation), setting up the gorilla press for the big spot. A sleeper drop finishes Guerrero at 9:39.

Rating: B-. The wrestling wasn’t anything great but they did an awesome job of firing up the crowd. The people wanted to see what they were doing here and it was a lot of fun as a result. They pulled me into this and I was having a good time with the whole thing. Chyna wasn’t what she used to be but the stuff with Eddie was awesome and would get better the next night when they got together.

Some fans won a contest and were flown to Wrestlemania on the day of the show.

Shane McMahon is ready for Big Show to win the WWF Title.

We see Kurt Angle laying out Bob Backlund for getting him in a two fall triple threat match. Angle didn’t need him anymore and never really did in the first place so good job on splitting them up.

Kurt Angle tries to get extra security after he retains his titles tonight. He’s willing to sign autographs for the guard’s kids! Maybe. Goofy, delusional Kurt is one of my all time favorites and always has been.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending and this is a two fall match, with the Intercontinental Title on the line first and the European Title second. Jericho can’t guarantee walking out as a champion but he’ll walk out as the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah. As for Kirk Angel and Mr. Roboto, they can have a shirt remind them of their trip to Anaheim and a Y2J beating. Jericho was still finding his footing with the signature promos in the WWF but they would get way better in a hurry.

They start fast with Benoit getting the better of it until Jericho triangle dropkicks the two of them to the floor. Jericho goes up but gets shoved down onto the announcers’ table, leaving Benoit to suplex Angle for two. Back in and Jericho dropkicks Angle down for two more but has to break up Angle’s cover on Benoit for the same. Angle suplexes Jericho for another two and a dropkick puts Benoit on the floor. The crossface chickenwing has Jericho in trouble but Benoit makes the save. A Swan Dive finishes Jericho for the first fall and the Intercontinental Title at 7:54.

Benoit gets smart by going for the cover on Jericho again but Angle comes in with a suplex for his own two. Jericho catches Angle on top but Benoit belly to back superplexes Jericho, leaving Angle to miss the moonsault. Everyone is down until Benoit has to save Angle from the Walls. The spinwheel kick puts Benoit on the floor and it’s the double powerbomb to Angle. Benoit is right back in with the rolling German suplexes for two on Jericho as Angle makes another save.

There’s a dragon suplex for two on Angle, with the most ridiculous count I’ve seen in a long time as Angle’s shoulder is on top of Benoit’s. The ref gets bumped (maybe it can fix his eyes), meaning Benoit making Jericho tap to the Crossface doesn’t mean anything. A belt shot drops Jericho as the referee is back up, just as Benoit misses the Swan Dive. Jericho gets back in and Lionsaults Benoit for the European Title at 13:47.

Rating: B. This is always a weird one as it’s some pretty intricate booking (with Angle being very protected in losing both titles) but it didn’t feel urgent for a lot of the match. They were just going from move to move a lot of the time, but it’s still one of the best things on the show. It’s not like these three could ever do badly, so the match was entertaining and almost non-stop action, so it’s a lot more good than bad.

Vince McMahon promises to be a factor and guarantees to make it right.

HHH doesn’t care about what Vince says because tonight he’s going to show everyone who the man is.

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Kane/Rikishi

X-Pac and Dogg have Tori with them, along with the awesome Run-DMC theme. Kane on the other hand has Paul Bearer and the always cool inverted red and black attire. Tori slaps Bearer to start so Kane grabs her by the throat as Rikishi gives Road Dogg the Stinkface. X-Pac and Dogg fail to run away and we settle down to X-Pac kicking hitting the Bronco Buster on Rikishi.

Dogg’s dancing punches set up the shaky knee for two but Rikishi grabs a pop up cutter (that’s an awesome move and someone should use it as a finisher). It’s back to Kane and the pain begins in a hurry. X-Pac gets away from the threat of a Stinkface so Tori takes it instead, giving the fans what they had been waiting on. The Tombstone finishes X-Pac at 4:16.

Rating: D. The match was just a means to an end here as you needed a way to get to Tori taking the Stinkface and X-Pac getting dropped on his head. That’s fine from a storyline perspective, though I’m not sure I would have had it second from the top of Wrestlemania. Not a good match, but what were you expecting given this lineup?

Post match Too Cools out, meaning it’s time to dance. Hold on though as the San Diego Chicken, as in the disguise that Pete Rose wore last year, is here as well. Dancing ensues and the Chicken is far too good of a dancer to be Pete Rose. Kane grabs the chicken (there has to be a joke there somehow) but Rose runs in with the baseball bat. Rikishi takes that away so Kane chokeslams Rose, setting up the Stinkface to end the Rose saga for a good many years.

Rock is ready for the final battle and of course he would do it all over again. This is Wrestlemania and it’s not about the McMahons (oh please) because it’s all about the WWF Championship and tonight is the night.

Some celebrities are here.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Mick Foley vs. Big Show vs. HHH

HHH is defending, elimination rules, and there’s a McMahon in every corner, with Vince, Linda, Shane and Stephanie here respectively. They might as well have just had the McMahons working the match as they’re the only things that matter here. JR: “Not Mankind, not Dude Love, not Mankind, but Mick Foley is in the main event of Wrestlemania!” That made me smile so much. Foley and HHH pair off as Rock punches Show in the corner to start in a hurry. HHH gets hammered down to start up the running knee but Show runs them both over with a double clothesline.

Rock gets gorilla pressed and there’s one for HHH as well. Foley tries choking Show, who drops down hard onto him to cut that off in a hurry. There’s a side slam to Rock but Foley kicks Show low to break up a chokeslam to HHH. It’s time to triple team Show, including a series of clotheslines to finally knock him down. The Cactus Clothesline takes HHH to the floor, meaning Foley can beat on HHH with a chair. Shane gets knocked off the apron and a chair shot to Show lets the Rock Bottom get the first pin at 4:48.

It winds up going into Foley’s ribs though, meaning Rock had to make a save from even more violence. A double arm DDT sets up the Mandible Claw and Rock adds a belt shot. That means the People’s Elbow, but Foley grabs the Claw on the Rock in a smart move. HHH low blows both of them (maybe not the brightest move) and everyone is down for a bit. Foley hammers Rock a bit and gets two off the DDT, with the fans being rather relieved by the kickout.

Rock kicks the chair into Foley’s face and a DDT gets two, with HHH making a rather illogical save. NOW Foley is willing to team up on Rock and the fans really aren’t sure what to think of this one. The running knee gets two on Rock and this time HHH doesn’t make a save. There’s a double suplex for two more and the ROCKY chants start up again.

A steps shot puts Rock down and Foley loads up the middle rope elbow, only to slam HARD ribs first into the side of the announcers’ table (it’s sad seeing that he just can’t do it here). HHH drives Foley through the table and Pedigrees Foley for two, with a big reaction from the crowd. A chair to the head sets up a Pedigree onto the chair to get rid of Foley (for good I’m sure) at 19:40.

A hard piledriver onto the steps has JR demanding/begging that the match be stopped and gives HHH a rather delayed two back inside. The Pedigree attempt is countered into a backdrop over the top so they fight into the crowd again. After knocking Rock over the barricade, HHH knocks a fan’s hat off to be extra nasty. Rock gets in a shot of his own and they’re both down at ringside again. A suplex sends HHH through the announcers’ table and it’s another double knockdown.

HHH sends Rock inside so Vince posts HHH, drawing Shane back out to jump Vince (you knew this stuff was coming). A monitor shot to the head knocks Vince silly and gives us one of the funniest stunned expressions I’ve ever seen from Stephanie (look that one up if you get the chance). Vince fights up and beats on Shane, because the main event of Wrestlemania can be ignored for the sake of more drama between these two. A chair to the head drops Vince and Shane even threatens the massive Michael Clarke Duncan at ringside.

Cue Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco to get the busted open Vince out of here so we can go back to the actual match. Rock DDTs HHH for two but a shot to the face puts Rock right back down. The Pedigree is countered into a catapult to cut off an interfering Shane and the Rock Bottom connects. There’s no cover due to exhaustion so here’s Vince again (a full two minutes after he left) to go after Shane yet again. Vince grabs the chair….and of course turns on Rock with a shot to the head for two. Another chair shot from Vince retains the title at 36:26.

Rating: C-. It’s too much. There were so many instances here where I kept wondering how many more times we were going to have the McMahons get involved or have the guys fight into the crowd. Storyline wise, this would have been WAY better as a run of the mill singles match, but I can go with having Foley in there for the sentimental moment. Show….well they had an extra McMahon. At the end of the day though, it was all about the McMahons instead of Rock winning the title like he should have, with the family stuff being more of the same stuff we had seen for years. It’s not terrible, but cut out the nonsense and it’s better.

Post match Vince and Stephanie hug because all is well in part of the McMahon Family again. Shane comes in to look at Vince but gets Rock Bottomed. Vince gets one as well and Stephanie takes the third in a row, followed by the People’s Elbow.

A long highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure what they were going for here but it missed pretty badly. The problem here comes down to the fact that most of the matches just aren’t very good. TLC Beta and the triple threat are both great to rather good, but no one cared about the ladder match after TLC debuted five months later and the trio would have one great match against each other after another on higher levels. This doesn’t really feel like a Wrestlemania as there is way too much stuff that serves as little more than filler. It’s not the worst Wrestlemania ever, but it’s rather close to the bottom of the pile.

Ratings Comparison

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D+

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D+

2020 Redo: C-

Original: F

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

2020 Redo: F

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo A-

2020 Redo: A

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

2020 Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

2020 Redo: B-

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B

2020 Redo: B

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C+

2020 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

2020 Redo: D+

Where did that six person tag one come from? And have I ever been that all over the place like I am on the Hardcore Battle Royal?

Not much changes in a few years.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/25/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xvi-the-worst-show-from-the-best-year/

And the 2015 Redo:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xiv-2015-redo-time-to-play-the-game/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 18,121
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

We wrap things up here with last year’s show. The Rumble is back to the thirty entrant variety which is probably the best move all around. The odds on favorite is Jericho who returned very recently before this show. Other than that we’ve got Daniel Bryan defending his newly won world title against Big Show and Henry in a cage, along with Punk defending against Ziggler. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about going to Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Bryan is champion and beat Show at TLC by cashing in his MITB case in 45 seconds. Show beat Henry at the same show and ran over Bryan’s girlfriend AJ on Raw to set all this up. This is one fall to a finish and it’s pin/submission/escape. Bryan immediately goes for the corner but Henry pulls him down and Show runs Bryan over for two. Show crushes Henry against the cage wall but has to stop to pull Bryan back inside. Rey tries to run up again but Show catches him by the ankle and slams him back in.

Show loads up the WMD but hits the cage wall instead. The champion fires off some kicks but gets headbutted right back down. Bryan kicks the knee out even harder and fires off some kicks to Henry to keep the other monster down. He goes for the door but you know this isn’t ending that quickly. Henry makes the stop and demands that the referee CLOSE THAT DOOR. Show superkicks Henry down and it’s his turn to take over for awhile.

Bryan gets slammed down but Henry is back up again. A few punches put Show down because a dozen chair shots usually can’t, but a few punches can. Actually that’s a great way to keep Henry looking strong. The fans are cheering for Bryan as Henry and Show collide to put all three guys down. Show gets back up and clotheslines Bryan down a few times before superkicking him in the face. The chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a tornado DDT on Show for two.

The LeBell (NO!) Lock is put on Show but Henry breaks it up in about a second. The WMD gets two on Henry but Bryan makes the save, which ticks Show off. Bryan SPRINTS up the cage but Show chases after him and grabs Bryan before he can get out. Bryan sits on the top of the cage and pounds away, only to be caught again. The champion is literally hanging from Show’s wrist before finally letting go and falling to the floor to retain the title.

Rating: D+. This really wasn’t all that great. At the end of the day, it was a lot of the same sequence over and over again with Show and Henry not having a ton of interaction at all. The ending didn’t look great either and I’m not sure why Show would just hold him out over the floor like that. This falls under the category of “…..really?” as it’s hard to buy Bryan keeping the belt here.

Long video on Cena and all the stuff he does for WWE. The man is insanely committed to that company.

Divas of Doom/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Kelly Kelly

The Divas of Doom are Beth and Natalya. Natalya and Tamina start things off and they collide a few times. Tamina slaps her in the face before chopping Nattie down for two. Off to Eve for that bouncing moonsault for two. Since that’s a pretty lame move, Natalya charges her into the corner and brings in Beth who blocks a rolling splash with knees to Eve’s back.

Off to let’s say Nikki for some basic stomps to the back and a quickly broken chinlock. Jerry is asked what he likes about the Bellas and he can’t even get an answer out. Not hot tag brings in Alicia who is immediately sent into the corner and chinlocked as well. Alicia finally counters by flipping Nikki forward and makes the actual hot tag to Kelly. There’s the screaming headscissors and a faceplant for two. Everything breaks down and almost everyone heads to the floor, where Kelly hits a HUGE dive to take everyone out. Back in and Beth SLAPS herself in to hit the Glam Slam on Kelly for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual Divas match: they did their “sexy” spots, they had barely there outfits, Kelly screamed a lot, Beth beat up Kelly to end things. One interesting note from a year later: would they even be able to put together an eight Divas tag now? I’m thinking through the roster and I don’t know if I can name eight girls on the main shows right now.

We recap Ryder getting hurt at the hands of Kane. This was during the period where Ryder went from one of the hottest things in the company and US Champion to a rag doll that Kane destroyed over and over and over in the span of a few weeks until his push was completely destroyed. Eve blamed Cena for Ryder having his back broken for some reason.

Ryder is wheeled in and patronized by Johnny Ace (remember him?). Ace has a private room set up for Ryder but Eve comes up to yell at Ace first. Not much here but it’s setting up stuff later on tonight.

Kane vs. John Cena

This is when Kane had the welder’s mask look. Brawl to start with Kane beating Cena down into the corner as the fans are split on Johnny. A clothesline puts them both on the floor where Kane is sent knees first into the steps. Back in and Cena can’t hit the AA on Kane. That makes sense as after all, Kane is probably 175lbs lighter than Show who Cena throws around with near ease most of the time.

Kane kicks Cena down and gets two off an uppercut. A suplex gets the same and it’s off to a chinlock. Cena fights up and is sent into the buckle for his efforts followed by Kane’s stupid smother hold. John tries to counter into a Crossface but Kane comes out with a side slam. The idea here is that Cena can’t get anything going at all. The top rope clothesline takes Cena’s head off but Cena pops up and hits his shoulder block.

The Shuffle is countered by a grab of Cena’s throat and a big boot gets two. Cena blocks a superplex and hits the Shuffle off the top. That’s certainly a new one. The AA is countered by an elbow to the face and Kane kicks Cena out to the floor. Booker talks about how Cena is a good kid. I don’t think I ever recall Cena being called a kid since like 2004. Kane pounds on Cena in the aisle and that’s a double countout so we can do this match again next month.

Rating: D+. I know that’s a common theme tonight but it fits here again. These two didn’t work all that well together and the story was even worse. Then again, this was nothing more than giving Cena something to do for a few months until he could get ready for the biggest match of his career. This didn’t work for the most part.

The fight continues into the back where Kane finds a chair to lay to lay out Cena. To the shock of no one paying attention, Kane finds the door to Ryder’s private room and kicks the door in. Ryder is taken to the ring and tombstoned as Eve screams. Cena comes out to try to save Eve but gets chokeslammed by Kane who walks away. Ryder does a stretcher job, but somehow it would get even worse for him in the coming weeks.

BE A STAR!

Zack is wheeled out and Cena is booed for it. That’s the part of this story that never held up for me: why is this Cena’s responsibility? Ryder was the United States Champion. He should be able to defend himself.

We get a video on the Rock just like Cena got earlier. It’s shot in the back of Rock’s car and is more like a mini documentary. It focuses on how insane Rock’s life is and all of the stuff he does around the world.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

This is right after Brodus redebuted as the Funkasaurus so he was still a new character at this point. Brodus dances a lot, Drew punches him in the corner, Brodus headbutts him and hits the cross body (called WHAT THE FUNK) for the pin in about a minute.

Buy Slim Jims! For the troops!

We recap Cena vs. Ziggler who is challenging Punk on Ace’s behalf. This is during the “Ace is boring” phase where Punk made fun of him no matter what he did, so Ace helped Ziggler get a win over Punk to earn a title shot. Ace is also guest referee tonight just because. He’s openly admitted he’s going to screw Punk out of the title tonight, so HHH is going to evaluate his job status the next night on Raw, meaning Ace has to play nice.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Punk is defending and Ace is referee. Johnny Ace is John Laurinitis but that’s a hard name to spell. Before the match, Ace says he’ll be the outside referee. Ok then. Wait we’re still not ready to go as Ace throws Vickie out as well. We finally get going and Ziggler tries a quick Fameasser which is countered into a failed GTS attempt. Punk tells Dolph it was that close. They feel each other out a bit longer until Ziggler starts strutting.

Punk finally gets his hands on Ziggler and puts on an abdominal stretch, complete with a wrapped toe and slicking back his hair ala Ziggler. Dolph heads to the floor and gets taken out by a suicide dive but shoves Punk off the top rope once they get back inside. Ziggler drops about eight elbows in a row and a jumping version gets two. We hit the chinlock with Ziggler cranking on the head way more than necessary.

The champ starts firing off chops and strikes before getting caught in the sleeper. That goes nowhere but neither does Punk’s Anaconda Vice attempt. Back to the sleeper but Dolph can’t get it on all the way. Instead there’s a perfect dropkick for two on Punk but the Fameasser is countered into a helicopter bomb for two. A swinging neckbreaker by the champ puts Dolph into the corner where the knee/bulldog combination actually works.

The GTS is countered into a slingshot but Punk lands on the middle rope. He comes off with a spinning cross body but Ziggler rolls through for a near fall in a cool sequence. The high kick gets two for Punk as does the Macho Elbow, drawing a Randy Savage chant. The GTS is countered again and the referee goes down as per the requirement in a world title mach. Punk hooks the Vice but Ace is checking on the down referee. Then Punk gets a rollup and there’s STILL no referee.

Ace sends the referee back in as Punk loads up the GTS, but Ziggler’s legs knock Ace to the floor. Ace sees the pin but refuses to count because he thinks Punk did it on purpose. Ziggler counters another GTS attempt into the Fameasser for two before pounding away a bit. The champ comes back with a slingshot and the GTS gets a pin from both referees to retain the title.

Rating: B+. This took awhile to get going as we were all waiting on the Ace stuff. The feud would go on for weeks until Jericho finally showed up to give Punk someone with charisma to feud with. The near falls at the end were a lot better than Ace, but it occurs to me that this was pretty much the same match he had last year. Good stuff though.

Rumble by the Numbers:

30 Superstars
1 winner
31 Hall of Famers in the Rumble
21 main events those Hall of Famers have been in at Wrestlemania
695 entrants who have been eliminated
39 entrants eliminated by Michaels, a record (Kane is second at 35)
13 consecutive Rumbles for Kane
11 eliminations for Kane in 2001
194,107lbs that have been in the Rumble, or over 97 tons, or 430 Big Show
421,883 people who have attended the Rumble
62:12 Rey Mysterio spent in the Rumble in 2006, a record
3 wins for Austin
1 second that Santino lasted in 2009
2 women who have competed in the Rumble
1, the entrant that has produced the same amount of winners as #30 at two each
27, the entrant with more winners than any other at four
55 percent of winners that have won the title at Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

The Miz is #1 and talks about how he’s going back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year. His former apprentice Alex Riley is #2 which isn’t really surprising given how RANDOM these draws are. I always liked Riley and he always got a good reaction, which is clearly why he doesn’t get on TV more. Riley pounds away to start and runs Miz over with a forearm but walks into a big boot. Maybe it’s the old school fan in me but I don’t like a 6’0 guy using a big boot. Miz talks trash and low bridges Riley out with ease.

R-Truth, Miz’s former partner, is #3. Truth fires off some kicks and avoids the Finale before hitting a kind of powerslam. Miz gets sent to the apron for the second time but Truth turns his back to watch Cody come out at #4. A quick Disaster Kick puts Truth down (Cole says it hits Miz because those two are so hard to tell apart) and Truth gets double teamed for awhile. He manages to send Cody to the apron but gets caught in the Reality Check as the clock seems to be speeding up.

Justin Gabriel is #5 and things speed WAY up. A big spinwheel kick puts Miz down before Cody goes nuts on Gabriel in the corner. Primo is #6 to keep things low key to start. Actually he speeds things up as well and hits a sweet headscissors out of the corner to take Gabriel down. Truth hits the spinning forearm on Cody, only to be dumped out by Miz a second later. Since he’s still crazy, Truth pulls Miz to the floor and lays him out on the outside.

Mick Foley is #7 to fire up the crowd a little bit. He dumps Primo almost immediately before getting beaten on by Cody. Foley looks really old and slow here but to be fair, he is in fact old and slow. In a HILARIOUS bit, Ricardo Rodriguez is #8 but comes out in an old banged up, rusted out rental car. He’s even got the Del Rio scarf to hide some of his hideous pale body. We get a HUGE Ricardo chant as Foley and Gabriel have no idea what to do here.

Ricardo takes Cody down and pounds away before proposing an alliance with Foley of all people. They actually do team up and toss Gabriel, allowing Ricardo to do a CM Punk knee slide. We keep the comedy going with Santino at #9 and Ricardo runs from the Cobra. Santino beats on Ricardo and literally rolls him around the ring before pulling his trunks up and tossing Rodriguez.

Now we get my favorite spot of the match as Santino puts on the Cobra and Mick puts on Socko and it’s TIME FOR A DUEL!!! Before they can collide though it’s Epico at #10 but he falls to the powers of the socks and is out almost immediately. The socks COLLIDE until Miz and Cody pop back in (neither was eliminated) and dump Santino. Miz gets Socko but Cody dumps Mick. Fun comedy bit here to give us a good first act to the match.

Kofi Kingston is #11 and hits a double springboard clothesline before hitting a double Boom Drop. In at #12 is Jerry Lawler (Cole: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”) and he causes Miz to hit Cody by mistake. Lawler speeds things up and hits the middle rope punch with the lowered strap, only to be put out by Cody. Ezekiel Jackson is #13 and gets to do the usual power moves on each guy while the others lay around.

Jinder Mahal is #14 and the fans start chanting USA, even though the only two Americans in this match are Rhodes and Miz. Great Khali comes in at #15 and Mahal panics. Everyone gets chops and Mahal is out in just a few seconds. Jackson tries to pound away and is put out almost immediately as well. Hunico is #16 on that stupid bicycle of his and hits a spinning cross body on Miz and his Angle Slam on Cody.

Khali chops Hunico down as the ring is staying relatively empty. Booker T is #17 to surprise Cole. You would think he would have noticed that the man sitting next to him for over two hours wasn’t wearing pants but he never was considered that bright. Now we get the spot of the match as Miz shoves Kofi to the floor but Kofi holds himself up by his hands. Miz shoves Kofi into a handstand but Kingston WALKS ON HIS HANDS ACROSS THE FLOOR TO THE STEPS to get back in. FREAKING AWESOME MAN!

Dolph Ziggler is #18 as the ring is starting to get full. Hacksaw Jim Duggan makes his annual return at #19 to pop the crowd huge. He cleans house for a bit and we get a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER on Miz and Rhodes. Cody avoids a charge in the corner though and dumps Duggan in less than a minute. That’s the best idea at the end of the day. Miz and Cody team up to put out Booker and Khali at the same time.

We complete the trio with Michael Cole at #20. At the moment we’ve got Cole, Miz, Rhodes, Kingston, Hunico and Ziggler in the ring. Kharma returns at #21 in her only WWE match ever. She hits Cole so hard she knocks his headgear off so Cole eliminates himself. Well he gets to the apron where Cole and Booker eliminate him. Ziggler tells Kharma to get out so she DRILLS him. Kharma dumps Hunico but Ziggler sneaks up and eliminates her (Booker calls this doing the impossible. Not really Book.) to a ton of heat.

Sheamus is #22 to give us some A level star power. Well maybe B+ level. Things speed up with Sheamus destroying everyone and tossing Kofi out. There are the ten forearms in the ropes to Cody and ten to Miz as well. The Zig Zag is countered and Road Dogg is another surprise return at #23. He gets to clean house for a bit and earns a “you still got it” chant. In far less than 90 seconds, Jey Uso is #24.

Everyone pairs off until Jack Swagger is #25. After a few suplexes everything settles down into its usual brawling phase until Barrett is #26. He throws out Roadie and stomps away on a lot of people. David Otunga gets the lucky spot at #27 and poses a lot before he comes out. Not a lot happens so Orton comes in at #28 to pick things up a bit. Remember we’re in his hometown so everyone goes nuts.

Cody breaks up the RKO on Barrett so Randy hits the Elevated DDT on both Cody and Ziggler at the same time because he can. There’s an RKO to Barrett and he’s out. Chris Jericho, complete with a blackout of the arena, makes his return at #29. He’s still a face at this point and dumps Otunga to a good reaction. Big Show is #30 which was considered a letdown at the time. Dude, he was world champion a month ago. That’s hardly Darren Young coming out.

As Show comes in he pulls Swagger out from the floor, giving us a final grouping of Miz, Rhodes, Ziggler, Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Big Show. That’s a pretty solid grouping. Show dumps Cody and Miz at the same time to get us down to five. Show tosses Ziggler as well to get us down to four. The big man cleans house but walks into an RKO, allowing Orton and Sheamus to pick him up and Randy clotheslines him out. Jericho dumps Orton immediately thereafter and we’re down to two.

The fans are entirely behind Jericho here so Sheamus runs him over a few times. Jericho’s bulldog is countered but Sheamus can’t throw him over the corner. Jericho charges into the Irish Curse but Sheamus can’t hit the High Cross. We get a great false finish with Jericho clotheslining Sheamus to the apron and then knocking him down to the point where Sheamus is hanging on by his leg. Sheamus comes back in with the slingshot shoulder but the Brogue Kick is countered into the Walls.

After the hold is broken Jericho gets knocked to the apron where he BARELY hangs on. They go to the top rope and both fall to the apron, meaning if they hit the floor they’re out. Both guys get back in and there’s the Codebreaker to Sheamus. Jericho gets Sheamus upside down but can’t get him out. A shot to the face ticks Sheamus off and he catches a Codebreaker attempt to put Jericho on the apron. The Brogue Kick sends Sheamus to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is one of those Rumbles that is great fun as you watch it live but it loses some steam on a second viewing. They spent a bit too much time on nostalgia and funny ideas here but they were still really good ideas. The ending with Sheamus and Jericho ROCKED and I have no idea why they never got to have a long PPV match. This is a really good Rumble but it never reaches that excellent level that some of them get to.

Sheamus celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is a unique show as it has a way to save itself from a bad first half. That’s what happened here as the last two matches were certainly good enough to save it from the horrible first few matches. As usual the last two guys would both get world title shots with the winner getting the opening match instead of the real main event, but going on before Rock vs. Cena is hardly torture.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show

Original: C-
Redo: D+

Bella Twins/Divas of Doom vs. Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Tamina

Original: D+
Redo: D+

Kane vs. John Cena

Original: D+
Redo: D+

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

Original: N/A
Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B
Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B+
Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-
Redo: B

Just like last year, not much difference here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night and one of the most important shows of the year as we officially start the Road to Wrestlemania. The Royal Rumble is more wide open than in recent years and that’s often the best thing that can happen for the match. Other than that we have a pair of World Title matches, with Raw’s likely being too long and Smackdown’s needing to move on before the company makes itself look worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how life’s road is unpredictable and how one turn can change everything. As you might guess, the Last Man Standing match gets the most time and the Rumble itself is mentioned last.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending and it’s a tables match with Coach on commentary. Before the match, Batista gets in a quick jab at the Dudleys for being the biggest losers since the Philadelphia Eagles. They fight on the floor to start with Batista clotheslining the post by mistake to put the champs in early trouble. In a painful looking impact, Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, hitting Batista in the ribs to keep him in trouble.

A neckbreaker slows Batista down and D-Von takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Flair has Bubba in the corner on a table (that’s so wrong for Flair) but Bubba is right back with the Flip Flop and Fly (that’s more Flair’s speed) Batista comes back in for the save though as I’m glad they’re not wasting time with tags here.

The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination puts Batista down as Evolution can’t get much going here. Flair goes up, and in a shocking change of events, Flair gets slammed down. It’s time for the table but cue Coach, with his bad ribs, for the save. That earns him a What’s Up attempt but Flair makes a save of his own. Batista is back in with a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table for the win.

Rating: D-. Just a Raw match designed to get these guys on the show, though I can appreciate them putting the tables match on first and hopefully we don’t get a bunch of chants about wanting tables. Other than that, I see nothing positive about this entire thing. Batista and Flair are fine as champions, but it’s not like they have anyone important to feud against at this point.

Flair says they’ll keep the titles as long as they want.

John Cena raps about how he’s going to win but Rob Van Dam comes in to steal the last rhyme, saying he’ll win the Rumble. Cena makes weed jokes and says Van Dam can suck his candy cane.

There’s an empty chair for Mick Foley, should he bother to show up.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending and Jamie has the still blind Nidia with him. A 619 attempt in the first ten seconds is countered into a hot shot as Jamie takes over. Cole says that Nidia, who is blind, is looking on as Jamie hiptosses Rey down, earning one heck of a tongue lashing from Tazz. Rey gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by the sitout bulldog for two. The tiger driver is broken up and Nidia trips Jamie by mistake, setting up the 619. Rey Drops the Dime to retain in short order.

Rating: D. Well don’t bother wasting time I guess. This was barely three minutes long and they didn’t have time to do anything. Nidia’s interference was the most important part of the match and that took all of two seconds. These two are talented but they need more time than a run of the mill women’s match from this era to get anywhere.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. They were a successful team but Eddie got way more popular, sending Chavo into a jealous rage when the team stopped doing as well. Chavo went nuts, blaming Eddie for all of their problems and bringing in his father to turn it into more of a family affair, even as Kurt Angle tried to play peacekeeper. This is one of the few stories that is going to work every single time and both of them have sold it exceptionally well, turning it into the best thing going on in WWE at the moment.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo has his father with him. They fight over a hard lockup to start until Chavo slaps the taste out of Eddie’s mouth. A fired up Eddie shoves him into the corner but can’t bring himself to follow up because his heart is broken. He’s willing to take Chavo down into a chinlock but Chavo is right back up for a chop in the corner. Eddie chops him back and gives the first smile of the match. Some shoulders put Eddie down and Chavo is very pleased with his early success.

That just earns him a poke to the eye as the stalling continues. Eddie takes him down again but Chavo pops up in short order and hooks a hurricanrana to put them both on the floor. With Chavo back inside, his dad sends Eddie face first into the steps (Tazz: “I guess he doesn’t like his little brother.”) to give Chavo the first real advantage. Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker but can’t get it all the way on. Chavo scores with a belly to back suplex but the tornado DDT is broken up. Eddie rolls the suplexes and drops the frog splash for the win.

Rating: C. It was good while it lasted but it should have lasted about twice as long. This was a big time story on Smackdown and it ended in a match that was about half as long as the Smackdown main event. I’m assuming they’re setting Eddie up for something bigger down the line and they needed to get this out of the way, but this deserved more time.

Post match Eddie gets fired up for the first time and beats up both Chavos. Sr. gets tied to the bottom rope by the tie while Jr. gets stomped in the corner, busting him open in the process. They did a good job here with Eddie wanting to hold in his emotions during the match but being pushed too far after and finally erupting.

Chris Benoit is ready to go in at #1 when Evolution comes in with their champagne to celebrate. Flair says Benoit is the best technical wrestler alive and all man but the brass ring always slips out of his hand. It’s all about Evolution holding all of the gold so Benoit is always going to be second best.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Brock Lesnar defending against Hardcore Holly. Lesnar broke Holly’s neck back in 2002 and since we must go with real life instead of something, you know, interesting, we’ve been stuck watching Lesnar run from Holly for the last month. This is possibly the most ice cold title match in history as Holly is little more than a former comedy guy with a bad attitude who is ranting about wanting to break Lesnar’s neck. Lesnar can beat up Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, but Hardcore Holly suddenly scares him? That’s what we’re going with here?

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Lesnar is defending and Holly jumps him before the bell. The champ gets posted twice in a row and the bell rings with Holly on the apron, only to miss a top rope clothesline. Lesnar scores with a suplex as the referee is getting in the way more than usual here. A ram into the apron gives Lesnar two and it’s off to a waistlock on the mat. What would eventually be called a Shell Shock gives Lesnar two as this is a complete squash so far.

It’s back to the waistlock as you can hear the limited interest the fans had seeping out of the arena. A bearhug sets up a suplex and it’s right back to a head and arm choke. Holly fights up with some kicks to the ribs and clotheslines, followed by the Alabama Slam….for no cover as it’s off to that stupid full nelson. The hold stays on even as they fall to the floor so Holly tries it again with Lesnar on the apron. That earns him a neck snap across the top and the F5 retains the title.

Rating: F. Oh give me a break. Lesnar was never in danger here and in the six and a half minutes they had, at least half of it was Lesnar keeping him on the mat in a hold. Holly’s finisher, while fine for beating a midcarder here and there, is nowhere near enough to be a real threat to Lesnar. Thank goodness they didn’t tease a bunch of near falls and just got out of there, because this was a bad idea from the beginning.

We’re not even 52 minutes into the show and we’ve covered four matches, including three title matches. That’s a ridiculous pace, even for a Royal Rumble.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH, which they’re billing as seven years in the making. So we’re counting all of the four and a half years Shawn was on the shelf and the months long feud they had in 2002? They’ve traded wins and the title until Shawn got a pin on the last show of 2003, albeit with his own shoulders on the mat. Therefore it’s a Last Man Standing match tonight, which somehow ties into everything else they’ve ever done, including the most recent match, which is barely discussed.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

HHH is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. They fight over a lockup to start until Shawn gets the better of a chop off. It’s time for a mat sequence with Shawn loading up a backslide, only to let it go when he realizes what kind of match they’re having. One heck of a whip into the corner starts n on Shawn’s back, which is still a target six years after it was originally hurt.

Shawn is right back up with a Figure Four but HHH turns it over for the break. That’s enough of the wrestling so it’s time to head outside with HHH loading up the announcers’ table. A suplex through the table is broken up and Shawn ax handles him in the head. Back in and a backdrop puts HHH on the floor again but Shawn’s springboard spinning crossbody only hits table in a big crash.

Shawn is busted open (of course he is) and we get a replay, showing that Shawn would have cleared HHH by two feet even if HHH had stood in place. Back in again and the very bloody Shawn won’t stay down, instead telling HHH to bring it on. Right hands get a seven and a spinebuster gives HHH eight more. It’s chair time and a hard shot to the back gets nine this time. The Pedigree on the chair is countered into a slingshot into the corner, followed by Shawn’s own chair shot to the face.

Back up and the forearm into the nip up have the bloody HHH in trouble. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. Back up and Shawn grabs a sleeper, which lasts as long as a sleeper is going to in a match like this. HHH’s DDT gets eight so he loads up a belly to back superplex, which is countered into a spinning crossbody for a double knockdown. The Pedigree gets nine and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, good for a double knockout and a draw.

Rating: C-. Well of course we need to see these two fight again. You wouldn’t expect HHH and Shawn Michaels to wrap up their feud in just two matches right? This wasn’t very good with just an exchange of moves and nothing that went anywhere, though the blade jobs were both quite nasty looking. I’m sure we’ll see these two again, but these two will likely be fighting in their retirement home.

The fans are NOT pleased with the draw and I can’t say I blame them. HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Shawn insists on walking.

Video on the Royal Rumble, which really just shows the names involved. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Goldberg is in at #30.

The Fink is ready to start the introductions but here’s Eric Bischoff to promise that Raw will win the match. He runs down Paul Heyman’s abilities to run shows in Bingo halls, in a line that has to have been repeated a thousand times now. Ignore that WCW officially went out of business before ECW (on an extreme technicality but it was still officially in business after WCW was purchased). Heyman tackles Bischoff but here’s Steve Austin on the ATV to say they’re both in violation of the law. Stunners abound and beer is consumed. I’m so glad they spent five minutes on this when four matches got less than twenty two minutes combined.

Goldberg is asked about being #30 in the Royal Rumble when Brock comes in to wonder where his interview is. Brock asks where Goldberg’s title is but Goldberg says it’s coming back at Wrestlemania. Goldberg suggests Brock is a coward.

Foley still isn’t here.

Royal Rumble

JR and Tazz are on commentary, thankfully giving us a standard booth instead of the usual mess that these things have become. Tazz even has keys to victory: hide, stamina, get a high number. I’ve heard worse analysis so I’ll take what I can get. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 and we have ninety second intervals. Benoit gets aggressive to start (ignoring key to victory #2) and scores with a suplex but gets uppercutted into the corner.

Mark Henry is in at #3 and shoves Benoit down so he can choke Orton in the corner. The clock seems to get a little faster as Tajiri is in at #4 and gets suplexed down for his efforts. Henry throws Orton ribs first onto the top rope and everyone pounds away as Bradshaw is in at #5. Clotheslines abound until Benoit pulls him into the Crossface and gets him out in less than a minute. Well at least they’re keeping the ring at a manageable number. Rhyno is in at #6 and goes after Orton and Benoit as Tajiri kicks away at Henry.

Tajiri can’t get the Tarantula so Rhyno Gores Henry, eliminating Tajiri in the process. Benoit dumps Henry and we’re already down to three. They fight by the ropes and it’s Matt Hardy in at #7. There’s a Side Effect to Rhyno but Benoit knocks Matt to the apron. Matt gets back in and everyone pummels everyone until Scott Steiner is in at #8. Benoit rolls some German suplexes on Steiner as JR gives us the good stat of there being no former Rumble winners in this match.

Matt Morgan is in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up. A helicopter bomb plants Benoit and there’s a big boot to Hardy. It’s back to the exchange of forearms around the ring with no one going for an elimination until Hurricane is in at #10. Before I can recap who is in the match, Morgan tosses Hurricane in short order, leaving us with Benoit, Orton, Rhyno, Hardy, Steiner and Morgan. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron but not out as Steiner lays on Orton in the middle of the ring.

Booker T. is in at #11 to a nice reaction but also to a really annoying song. An ax kick has Orton in trouble and Steiner is thrown out off camera (in his last match with the company) as Kane is in at #12. Benoit and Morgan both get chokeslams and the Gore and RKO are both blocked. Kane starts beating on Matt in the corner…..and a gong strikes at #13. As expected, Kane freaks out and the distraction lets Booker throw him out. It’s actually Spike Dudley in at #13 so Kane beats him up in the aisle, both for the gong and for Spike upsetting Kane on Monday. Things settle down and it’s Rikishi in at #14.

Benoit dumps Rhyno and Orton gets a Stinkface as the fans aren’t exactly interested, probably due to the gong taking some of their interest away. They’re certainly not burning up the pace for eliminations here but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Rene Dupree is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point. He dropkicks Hardy out but turns into a superkick from Rikishi to get eliminated as well.

A-Tran is in at #16 and goes after Rikishi as Benoit ducks Morgan’s charge to get rid of him. Orton dumps out Rikishi and Booker in the span of a few seconds, leaving us with Benoit, Orton and A-Train. Benoit eliminates A-Train as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. Benjamin slugs away as JR completely missed A-Train’s elimination. How do you not notice the 6’8 350lb bald guy being gone? Orton dumps Shelton and we’re down to two again. To be fair, other than Kane and maybe Booker, none of the other entrants are worth anything so far. Lamont runs out to introduce Ernest Miller at #18 and Tazz loves the song.

Benoit tosses Lamont and Orton does the same to Miller so these two can keep slugging it out. Kurt Angle is in at #19 and now things can pick up a bit. Benoit and Angle go at it (of course) while Orton is smart enough to just chill in the corner. Angle has Benoit in trouble on the ropes but Orton makes a rather questionable save. Rico is in at #20 and goes after Orton, who dropkicks him almost immediately. A kick to the head rocks Orton though, leaving Benoit to roll some German suplexes on Angle. Orton dumps Rico with ease and it’s Test…..not in at #21.

We cut to the back where Test is unconscious. Austin sees who did it and makes that person #21 instead. In the arena, MICK FOLEY is #21 and Orton knows he’s about to die. Foley slugs him down in the corner, throws up a BANG BANG and hits the running knee in the corner. The Cactus Clothesline gives us a double elimination and it’s down to Benoit vs. Angle. Foley isn’t done with Orton and sends him into the steps as Christian is in at #22.

Orton gets in a few wicked chair shots to Foley and punches him down before slamming Foley’s head into the ramp. Some right hands get Foley out of trouble and it’s Mr. Socko but Foley has to give it to Nunzio, who comes in at #23. The distraction lets Orton get in a low blow and run off after a great angle that makes me want to see these two have a heck of a fight. Back in the ring, Christian can’t get rid of Angle or Benoit so Angle suplexes Benoit instead. Benoit is the only one standing as Big Show is in at #24.

Show starts fast with the overhand chops and throws some Canadians around until Chris Jericho is in at #25 to a very nice reaction. Jericho and Christian stomp on Angle in the corner until Show makes a save with a double noggin knocker. How old school of him. Everyone goes after Show so he shrugs them off and Charlie Haas is in at #26. Christian tries to turn on Jericho but gets dumped out instead, which just fits for Christian for some reason. Billy Gunn returns at #27 and hits some Fameassers but can’t get rid of anyone.

John Cena is in at #28 to a very nice reaction and you can feel the star power growing every night. Cena catches Nunzio sitting on the floor and throws him inside as the ring is starting to get too full. For some reason Nunzio goes after Show, earning himself that hard shot to the back. Rob Van Dam is in at #29 and can’t get rid of Show either. Cena gives Angle an FU and here’s Goldberg in at #30 to complete the field. I’m not going to bother saying who all is in there because we’re about to lose a bunch of them.

Goldberg wrecks everyone and tosses Haas, Gunn and Nunzio (after an insane spear). That leaves us with Benoit, Angle, Show, Jericho, Cena, Van Dam and Goldberg for a heck of a final group. Goldberg loads up the Jackhammer on Show but here’s Lesnar to jump him from behind, allowing Angle to dump Goldberg, who is busy seething at Lesnar. Show shrugs off the masses again but Angle chop blocks him, which isn’t the brightest idea. That means a Lionsault, a Five Star, a Shuffle and a Swan Dive but Show is unconscious on the mat. Real smart guys.

Show fights up and dumps Cena, who lands VERY awkwardly on his knee. Van Dam is gone too and we’re down to Jericho, Big Show, Angle and Benoit. Jericho goes after Show’s knee and bulldogs Show now, which has done so well against him already. The Walls make Show tap but Jericho lets him go. That’s not the brightest move in the world and Show makes him pay with a chokeslam over the top for an elimination. A regular chokeslam drops Benoit so Angle gets the Angle Slam on Show.

Benoit gets one as well and now it’s the ankle lock to make Show tap again. Show gets up and muscles Angle out as well, leaving us with two. With Show hanging over the top rope, Benoit hits the Swan Dive to the back of his head, accidentally bringing Show back in. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface to make Show tap for the third time.

A side slam gets Show out of trouble as we hear about Benoit getting close to Ric Flair’s longevity record. Show loads up a gorilla press but Benoit pulls him down into a guillotine, even as Show puts him on the apron. Benoit pulls him down and slides back inside as Show goes out, giving Benoit the big win.

Rating: A. It’s one of the best Rumbles ever, mainly due to Benoit. There was some great storytelling near the end, with Jericho and Angle both making Show tap but then making some kind of a mistake to get eliminated while Benoit was smart/determined enough to make it work in the end. The same thing happens when the big groups try to get Show out and Benoit does it on his own, showing how technique and determination are better than brute strength. It kept you wondering if Benoit could finally win the big one and that’s what they managed to pull off in a great story throughout the whole match.

Other than that, they did a great job of not letting the ring get too full save for near the end, which Goldberg took care of in short order. Pacing is often such a problem in these things and it’s very nice to see them get it right. They had a big angle with Foley and Orton too, giving it something besides the winner to go off of from here. Finally, there were multiple possible winners, which always makes for a better match than having one or two people be the only ones who could win. Great Rumble, and one of the best of all time.

JR loses it praising Benoit, who smiles (a rare thing for him) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Rumble is always a unique show as it’s the only one where one match can really save the whole thing, as the main event is often at least a third of the show. The problem is the rest of the show was so bad due to the matches either being rushed or being HHH vs. Shawn in their annual attempt at an epic match that it’s hard to call this good overall. Really though, the Rumble itself is more than enough to carry it, but on any other card of the year this would have been a disaster.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D
2013 Redo: C+
2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C
2013 Redo: D
2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD
2013 Redo: D-
2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-
2013 Redo: H (For HHH)
2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B
2013 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C-
2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

And the 2013 redo here:

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2002
Date: January 20, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,915
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the first step to things falling downhill, as we’re a few months away from the Brand Split and things falling through the floor in quality. The main event tonight aside from the Rumble is Jericho defending his newly won Undisputed Title (which he won by beating the Rock and Steve Austin IN THE SAME NIGHT in case you didn’t know that) against Rock. HHH is back in the ring tonight also (he may have fought on Smackdown before this but I don’t think he did) so let’s get to it.

The opening video has clips of various Rumble wins in a photo album kind of theme. The theme for this year’s show is 30 Men, 1 Winner. I’ve heard worse ideas which we’ll get too very soon.

Tag Titles: Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Dudley Boys

Spike and Tazz are defending here in a reign that I don’t think anyone ever remembers. The Dudleys beat up Spike recently so he’s in a neck brace. The Dudleys attack to start and hit the belly to back neckbreaker on Tazz on the floor. It’s Bubba vs. Spike to start things off in a handicap match for all intents and purposes. Bubba rips the neck brace off and drops a big elbow.

Bubba shouts at Spike to get up as we get a very nice shot of Stacy. Tazz is back on the apron as D-Von hits a Hennig necksnap of all things. Bubba loads up a second brainbuster on Spike but gets countered into a Dudley Dog for no cover. The tag to Tazz is missed so Spike has to take a double flapjack instead. Spike avoids a headbutt from D-Von and makes the Dudleys clothesline each other. Hot tag brings in Tazz to clean house with suplexes. A big boot to Bubba’s head sets up a top rope cross body by Spike for two. Stacy interferes and gets put in the Tazmission. D-Von gets caught in the same hold and the champions retain.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what the point of this being on PPV was as it barely broke five minutes. Nothing with Stacy with the Dudleys can be bad, but this came about as close as you can get. Actually scratch that as it wasn’t so much bad but just short. I have no idea why this wasn’t on Raw or something like that. Tazz would be retired very soon after this due to a horrible neck.

We immediately go to a recap of Regal vs. Edge which is based on Regal using brass knuckles over and over again. Edge got fed up with it and beat up a lot of people with a chair.

Edge has a chair with him tonight to counter the knuckles. Apparently he broke Regal’s nose recently.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

Edge is defending. The referee checks Regal over and over again for knuckles and finds them in his trunks. Well you can’t say he didn’t do his job. The referee stupidly puts them on the ring post instead of like, giving them to someone to take to the back or something. Edge pounds away to start and chokes with his boot in the corner. He goes after Regal’s bad nose as Lawler claims conspiracy.

Regal comes back with a clothesline but Edge kicks him in the back to put both guys down. Being the British dude that he is, Regal suplexes Edge down for two. Make that four. Uh six. Yet somehow that isn’t three. Off to an arm trap chinlock followed by a hard forearm to put the champion down again. A double arm powerbomb hits Edge for two and they head to the apron. Edge busts out a DDT onto said apron, further injuring Regal’s nose.

Back in and they ram heads to put both guys down as the match continues to drag at a slow pace. Edge wins a slugout and takes Regal down with a spinwheel kick and a suplex for two. Regal suplexes him down as well, only for Edge to hit a big old clothesline for two more. The Regal Stretch goes on out of nowhere but Edge reverses into a terrible version of his own to no avail. A top rope spinwheel kick puts Regal down but he finds another set of brass knuckles. Instead of swinging them though, he pulls the referee in the way of Edge’s spear. Regal clocks Edge and wins the title.

Rating: D+. This didn’t click at all. Regal didn’t seem interested in selling at all and Edge wasn’t ready to carry a match by himself yet. He was getting to the point where he could but it would take a summer of feuding with Eddie to get him up to that point. Regal wouldn’t really do anything with the belt other than lose it to RVD. Nothing to see here.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jacqueline is referee for absolutely no apparent reason and Trish is defending. Jazz is basically being a bully and has injured Trish’s hand coming into this. Jazz jumps Trish to start but misses a splash, giving Trish two off a rollup. A modified hot shot slows the champ down again and a legdrop gets two. Jazz works on the bad hand for a bit but Jackie pulls them out of the ropes. Jackie of course makes it all about herself and won’t count a cover on Trish. Stratusfaction hits out of nowhere for two and Jazz is up a few seconds later, basically no selling it. Trish hits a bad looking running bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. It was short, it was sloppy, the ending was stupid and Jackie was in it. What other kind of grade do you expect here? Stratus was starting to get better but it would take another year and Lita before she got amazing. Jazz was a pretty stupid pick to bring over to WWE as no one remembered her and she didn’t have the looks to back up any lack of hype. Bad match here.

Flair says he’ll win.

We recap Vince vs. Flair. Flair debuted after Survivor Series as the new co-owner of the company and has driven Vince crazy since. This led up to a street fight tonight between the two of them tonight which isn’t as big a deal as they were shooting for I don’t think. The highlight of it was Vince dressing up as Flair and saying destroying lives turned him on.

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Remember this is a street fight. Vince shoves him down to start and struts, so Flair punches him down and struts as well. Flair wins a chop battle in the corner (duh) so Vince goes to the eyes to escape. There’s the Flair Flop followed by a Flair Flip in the corner as Vince is in full control. We head to the floor and get our first weapon shot, with Vince pounding on Ric with a metal Keep Off sign.

There’s a trashcan shot to the head and Flair is busted open. How thin must the skin on his forehead be? Anyway, Vince steals a camera from someone to take a picture of Flair’s cut before we head back inside. Since he’s a jerk, Vince starts working over the knee in (less skilled) Flair fashion. The leg is wrapped around the post and Vince puts on a Figure Four that Dusty Rhodes would be jealous of.

Flair turns the hold over and Vince IMMEDIATELY lets go of the hold. So not only is he better at it than some wrestlers, he’s also smart. Never let it be said that Vince doesn’t know what he’s doing. Vince bails to the floor and grabs a lead pipe that he used to bust Flair open in the build up to the match. Flair catches him coming in with a low blow and pounds away on the floor.

Vince takes a monitor shot to the head and in a weird spot, we see a replay on the monitor on the table as the live match goes on. Vince is busted open now and we head back inside. Scratch that as we go back outside immediately where Flair’s family takes pictures of Vince’s cut. Set it up earlier, pay it off later. Good move. Back in and Flair kicks him low again just because he can, cracks him in the head with the pipe and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this match makes as much sense as almost anything you’ll see. Vince controlled at the beginning, but at the end of the day he’s a boss and Flair is a veteran wrestler and athlete. It makes sense for him to be able to shrug that off and destroy Vince with relative ease once he got the upper hand. On top of that we got some good blood and Vince getting hit in the balls so how can this not be entertaining?

Stephanie talks trash about everyone else in the Rumble and runs down Debra as well. Austin walks up and WHAT’s her away. Cole gets a bit of it too. This is when the bit was brand new and still kind of funny, as opposed to now when it ruins almost every serious promo.

No highlight package for the world title match? For those of you not around in 2002 (LUCKY!), Jericho won the title in December, beating Rock along the way. It makes sense for Rock to get the first shot, especially since they feuded over the end of the year.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho still has both titles because HHH wasn’t there to win the first Undisputed Title and get the new belt. Rock decks him immediately and the champ heads to the floor, only to run back in and get punched some more. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post but pulls off a hot shot out of nowhere to give himself a breather. They trade strikes in the corner before Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to Rocky’s arms for two.

A suplex gets two for Jericho and for some reason Rock’s left thumb is sticking out. The champ unhooks a buckle but can’t get the Walls. A missile dropkick gets two on Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes on for a good while so Chris goes up again, only to get crotched and superplexed. A belly to belly suplex gets two for Rock but Jericho clotheslines him down and hits the Lionsault. Due to high reasons of arrogance, Jericho waits forever to cover and fights with the referee after getting two.

Another dropkick attempt by Jericho is caught in a Sharpshooter, but here’s Lance Storm for a distraction while Jericho taps. Christian comes in as well and is promptly punched out by Rock. Jericho hits a Rock Bottom on Rock for two and the frustration begins. The champ loads up a People’s Elbow but Rock nips up and sends Jericho out to the floor.

Both guys are rammed into both announce tables before Jericho’s Rock Bottom attempt is countered into an AWESOME looking Rock Bottom by Rock from one table through the other. That only gets two back inside before Jericho counters another Rock Bottom into the Liontamer (yes I said Liontamer instead of the Walls). Ok now it’s the Walls, which allows Rock to make the rope.

The jumping clothesline takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Jericho to blast Rock with the belt. Another referee slides in and gets two off that and Rock DDTs Jericho down. Rock covers….and Nick Patrick won’t count. There’s a Rock Bottom for his efforts and a People’s Elbow for Jericho but there’s no referee. Rock checks on Hebner, allowing Jericho to hit him low, send him into the Chekov’s Gun in the shape of an exposed turnbuckle. All that plus a rollup with his feet on the ropes is enough for Jericho to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took awhile to get going but once things picked up it turned into what you would expect from Rock vs. Jericho in a nearly 20 minute match. The overbooking worked here as Jericho needed something to boost him up to Rock’s level, which is what you’re supposed to do as a heel. Good stuff here and a very fine title match.

Shawn Michaels, in a really stupid looking Texas flag shirt, is at WWF New York. He picks Taker or Austin to win the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble. The main picks to win are Taker, HHH, Angle and Austin.

Royal Rumble

Rikishi and Goldust are #1 and #2 respectively and we’ve got two minute intervals. Goldie walks around Rikishi to start and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Rikishi knocks him around for a bit but can’t quite drop the big load on Goldie’s chest. A backdrop puts Goldust on the apron and Boss Man is #3, making it 2-1 against Rikishi. Goldust gets punched in the face but Boss Man pounds Rikishi into the corner. The heels explode after a long one minute partnership.

Bradshaw is #4 and hopefully he can pick things up a bit. He beats up everyone as Rikishi loads up the Stinkface on Boss Man. A superkick and a clothesline put Boss Man out and there’s a Samoan Drop to Bradshaw. Goldie pounds away on Bradshaw in the corner and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Lance Storm is #5 and absolutely nothing of note happens until Al Snow (on Tough Enough at this point) is #6. Bradshaw kills Storm with the Clothesline as the fans want Head.

Billy of Billy and Chuck is #7 and we’re still waiting on something to happen. The fans are still into this at least so it’s not a failure at this point. Storm and Snow fight to the apron with Snow superkicking Lance to an elimination. Billy dumps Bradshaw and Undertaker is finally #8 to pick things up a bit. A chokeslam kills Billy (the third in the series, not starring Uma Thurman) and another one puts out Goldust. Snow and Rikishi are dumped out and Billy follows them, leaving Undertaker alone to a big reaction. He’s evil here in case you’re not up on Taker history.

Matt Hardy is #9, which is interesting as Taker injured both Hardys and Lita. The redhead gets in along with Matt and helps him take the big man down via a low blow. Matt hits a Twist of Fate and stomps away but can’t get Taker out. Naturally Jeff Hardy is #10 because that’s how the TOTALLY RANDOM draw works in the Rumble.

Taker slugs down one of the best tag teams ever in just a few seconds, only to get caught in the Twist/Swanton combo. Again, why would you use moves that keep a giant on the mat? Not that it matters as Poetry in Motion is caught and Jeff is easily thrown out. The Last Ride kills Matt and he’s gone too, leaving Taker alone again. The clock during that segment was REALLY long too as they were roughly three minutes each to get the whole segment in.

Maven from Tough Enough is #11 but Lita is on the apron. Taker PUNCHES her down, drawing the Hardys back in. Taker dumps both of them again, but Maven dropkicks Undertaker in the back and eliminates him in arguably the biggest surprise elimination ever in the Rumble. The look on the Dead Man’s face is hilarious as he has absolutely no emotion at all. He calmly turns around, gets back in the ring, and mauls Maven, sending him through the ropes to the floor. A HUGE chair shot cracks Maven’s head and the beating continues until Scotty 2 Hotty is #12.

Taker punches Scotty down and throws Maven back in to eliminate him, which under old Rumble rules would count. The beating goes into the crowd as there’s nothing in the ring at the moment. Christian is #13 but has no one to fight because Scotty is still down. Instead we go to the back where Maven is rammed face first into a popcorn machine. Taker eats a handful of popcorn and finally leaves Maven alone.

Scotty gets in and walks into a DDT as DDP is #14. Nothing of note continues to happen until Scotty superkicks Page through the ropes to the floor and hits the Worm on Christian. Page sneaks back in and throws Scotty out as Chuck is #15. They all beat on each other for a bit with Christian and Chuck teaming up for a bit. Godfather, now the owner of an escort service in an attempt to salvage the gimmick, is #16 and brings out 12 good looking women with him. Page is eliminated off camera during this.

With Godfather in the ring after about 15 seconds due to dancing, Albert is #17. He’s the Hip Hop Hippo at this point and lasts about 45 seconds before being tossed by the villains. Godfather is dumped soon thereafter, and here’s Saturn at #18. Chuck and Perry slug it out as the fans cheer for the Ho’s leaving. Nothing happens again, until Austin is #19. Chuck is the first victim, getting stomped down in the corner. There goes Christian, Saturn gets a Stunner, Chuck is eliminated, Saturn is dumped, Christian gets thrown back in, Stunned and thrown out again, Chuck gets the same as Christian, and Austin takes a breather.

Val Venis is #20 (and also returning) and things go about as you would expect, although Val does get in some offense and survives until Test is #21. A double teaming lasts for a bit until Austin remembers who he’s fighting and dumps both guys in a few seconds. Austin does his watch bit when no one is in the ring with him. Notice the difference between the big stars and the regular guys: the big ones are CONSTANTLY trying to keep the audience entertained instead of letting them die.

Speaking of entertaining the crowd, HHH is #22. The entrance takes about a minute and a half, they stare at each other for about twenty more seconds, and the slugout only lasts for a few seconds until Hurricane is #23. Luckily for him, the legends knock each other down so Hurricane can tries a double chokeslam. The look on Austin’s face is hilarious as the two of them dump Hurricane with ease.

Austin and HHH chop each other in the corner until Faarooqq is #24 and lasts about that many seconds. Mr. Perfect makes a surprise return at #25 to a big surprise reaction from the audience. He looks a bit, shall we say, tipsy here. Perfect chills on the floor a bit as JR makes a mistake, saying Perfect debuted at the Rumble in 1993. In reality he was #4 in 1989. Austin and HHH double team Perfect to no avail so here’s Angle at #26, drawing the rare double chant of YOU SUCK WHAT.

HHH and Angle pair off as do the other two guys and the match slows down a bit. Kurt starts suplexing people but can’t dump HHH because Austin makes the save due to reasons of a big ego. Big Show is #27 in his one piece women’s swimsuit. Angle gets chokeslammed so Austin and HHH double team the big man to limited avail. HHH saves Angle, presumably because he wants Kurt’s help to get Show out. Makes sense I guess.

Show dominates everyone until Kane is #28. HHH gets chokeslammed so we can have our battle of the giants. Jerry: “They’re not getting any smaller are they JR?” Uh yeah Jerry, actually they are. They do the double chokeslam spot but Kane kicks Show low and picks him up, slamming him to the floor. AWESOME display of strength there, but Angle immediately dumps Kane to get us back down to four.

Van Dam is #29 and hits a Five Star on Angle who is down from something we didn’t see. Everyone but HHH gets kicked down so he hits a Pedigree to put Van Dam down. Booker T is #30, giving us a final group of Booker, RVD, Angle, Perfect, HHH and Austin. Booker throws out RVD without having to do anything else thanks to the Pedigree. We get a Spinarooni, followed by a Stunner and elimination to get us down to Austin, Angle, HHH and Perfect.

Austin hits a slingshot into the post on HHH who walks into an Angle Slam. Angle rolls some Germans on Austin and the C/Kurts try to dump Austin. Austin hits some HARD right hands to break that up but as he tries to dump Perfect, Angle runs up and dumps the Rattlesnake. Austin pulls Perfect to the floor but Kurt sends Austin into the steps to break it up. Steve still isn’t done as he comes back in with a chair for all three guys. Eh he’s Austin so he can get away with it.

Angle accidentally clothesline Hennig but doesn’t eliminate him. There’s the PerfectPlex (BIG pop for that) to Kurt but HHH dumps Perfect a second later. Angle and HHH stare each other down and the Game pounds away on him to take over. Kurt gets HHH to the apron but can’t get the win. HHH chokes away but charges into a backdrop, sending him to the apron. Kurt makes the classic mistake of not making sure the other guy is out and gets clotheslined to the floor, giving HHH the Rumble. For you trivia guys, this is the longest Rumble ever to date, even going 11 seconds longer than the 40 man version.

Rating: C+. This has some very bad spots in it but the rest of the stuff is solid all around. Once Austin gets in there things pick up a lot, but the 18 guys before him don’t do much. Taker’s elimination came too fast which hurt things here, as there was no one of note from #9 until Austin at #19. Still though, the good stuff here was good enough to check this out, but you might want to fast forward some parts of it.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good but certainly not great show. 2002 was a bad year for the company on Raw and things were clearly starting to look weak here. The main problem was the lack of elevation of anyone new to the main event in the year, as the main events for almost every PPV were people who had been there before. There’s nothing on here that’s required viewing but there’s also nothing terrible on here either. Check it out but don’t expect to be blown away.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Billy and Chuck

Original: C-
Redo: D+

William Regal vs. Edge

Original: C-
Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Original: D+
Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Original: D+
Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. The Rock

Original: B+
Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-
Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B-
Redo: B-

Yep, about the same for the most part here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 17,137
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is the first of two requested Rumble reviews of the year to go along with the regular redo of last year’s show. We’re nearing the end of the Attitude Era and Steve Austin is back after nearly a year on the shelf for neck surgery. All signs are pointing to Rock vs. Austin for the title at Wrestlemania and there’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how this is the only chance for a lot of people to become World Champion.

The opening sequence is rather clever as it’s a pole with street signs, each bearing a Rumble participant’s name. The Road to Wrestlemania you see.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending and the story….well it likely doesn’t matter as these teams plus the Hardys feuded for the better part of ever. Thankfully the recap shows us that the Canadians laid both of them out with chair shots to the head on Monday. What a sign of the times that really is. Edge and Christian tease walking out but you know that’s not going anywhere.

D-Von neckbreakers Edge for two to start as Jerry goes over the Dudleys’ family tree. Eh it was better when Heyman did the same thing at Wrestlemania. Bubba comes in and drops a big elbow for two as Lawler makes fun of the concussions. Again, total sign of the times and it’s almost disturbing to hear today. Christian walks into a side slam for two but a forearm to the back of D-Von’s head gives the champs their first control.

A Russian legsweep keeps the head banged up as it’s time to talk about Christian’s hair and teeth. Bubba comes in for a save with Lawler giving tips for how to make the concussion even worse. We get a rare D-Von chant as he tries to fight out of a chinlock. Another neckbreaker gets two on D-Von and Edge stays on the neck. Lawler: “I love it when Edge talks trash.” JR: “Does it keep you aroused?” D-Von gets in half of a double clothesline and it’s time for the slow crawl to the corner.

Like any good villain, Christian distracts the referee so the tag doesn’t count. Instead it’s Conchairto time but the chairs only hit each other, allowing D-Von to clothesline both champions down. NOW the hot tag brings in Bubba and it’s What’s Up to Edge. It’s table time but Christian cuts him off. Edge misses a belt shot and gets rolled up for two. A spear cuts off the 3D though and gives Edge two on Bubba. The champs load up their own What’s Up but D-Von makes the save this time, followed by 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. These teams are always good for a layup and like I said, it’s not like the story really mattered. You could throw any combination of these four and the Hardys out there for a great match and that’s a great thing to have in your back pocket. It’s not like the titles really mattered at this point as the fans wanted to see some combination of these three teams, which the company certainly gave them. The concussion stuff is still a bit rough to sit through though.

Drew Carey arrived earlier today. More on this later.

Also earlier today, Vince clarified that HHH will still get his title shot tonight despite what happened with Steve Austin on Smackdown. What happened you ask? Well again that’s not important enough to mention. Like anyone wasn’t watching the shows at this point though.

HHH doesn’t want Stephanie coming out to the ring tonight but Stephanie says she has to be there to deal with any potential Trish Stratus interference. After listening to Stephanie’s normal levels of acting, we’re joined by someone with some actual talent in that area as Carey comes in. He didn’t know the two of them were married because he’s been a bit busy lately.

Carey talks about running into Kamala recently and HHH tries to get rid of him. Drew understands and is looking for Vince for some tips on his upcoming comedy pay per view. Stephanie leaves with him because she wants to find Trish. Nothing wrong with a little promotion like this and the segment didn’t take long.

The APA talks about showing each other something. Bradshaw: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”. They mean Rumble numbers of course and Faarooq needs two beers. Crash Holly comes in to say he’ll thrown them out tonight even if they’re friends. Bradshaw: “And people say we’re drunks.”

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho. They’ve been fighting over the Intercontinental Title and tonight it’s a ladder match for Benoit’s belt. Most of the video doesn’t even have words but it’s not like it matters. Much like the tag match, you could throw these two and Angle out there with whatever story you wanted and it’s going to get a strong reaction. Again, that’s incredibly valuable to have at your disposal.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Benoit is defending in a ladder match and the fight is on in a hurry. The slugout leads to both guys trying their submission to no avail. Benoit sends him shoulder first into the post as Lawler picks Benoit to win in a blowout. A shoulder breaker stays on the shoulder and Jericho’s springboard dropkick is knocked out to the floor. They’re definitely going with the idea that Benoit knows Jericho very well to start.

The shoulder goes into the post and it’s already ladder time. It’s way too early to climb though as Jericho pulls him off in an electric chair. Jericho rams the ladder into Benoit’s ribs and puts said ladder in the corner. Now you know what’s going to happen and I know what’s going to happen, but since Jericho is a face here, he’s stupid enough to be whipped into the ladder and fall outside again.

Benoit’s dive through the ropes is blocked with a chair to the head (egads that’s tough to watch). A ladder shot to Benoit’s back only hits barricade and now it’s the ladder going off Jericho’s head. Jericho sends him into the ladder back inside before tying Benoit’s leg into the ladder. That means a super Russian legsweep to bring them both crashing down. Benoit goes into the ladder again and Jericho catapults the ladder into his face to make things even worse. These are some brutal, brutal shots here and they keep getting harder and harder.

Jericho starts going up the ladder so Benoit belly to back suplexes him over the top in a heap. They both head up the ladder this time though and Jericho gets the Walls ON TOP OF THE LADDER for one of the coolest and most painful looking spots you’ll ever see. Benoit falls off but manages to kick the ladder over, sending Jericho into the ropes. The Crossface makes Jericho tap (and goes back to the shoulder from earlier) but Jericho’s other arm is still good enough to send Benoit into the ladder.

The ladder is set up in the corner but Benoit knocks him off, setting up a HUGE Swan Dive….which only hits mat. Jericho puts the ladder on top of Benoit for a climb but Benoit shoves it forward, sending Jericho crashing into the top rope. Benoit goes up but Jericho makes the save with a chair to knock Benoit to the floor. That’s too much of a fall and Jericho wins the title.

Rating: A. This is one of my all time favorites as the match is nothing short of brutal and featured some unique spots in there. Sometimes you just need two people to beat the heck out of each other with reckless abandon and that’s exactly what you got here. There’s even some psychology with the arm work and that’s all you could ask for. This isn’t a match that needs a lot of analysis because you get everything you need out of just watching the thing.

Carey meets Trish Stratus who isn’t all that interested when he hits on her (Drew Carey isn’t that bad of a catch actually) because she’s involved with someone. That someone would be Vince, who doesn’t seem thrilled to meet Drew. The pay per view is plugged and Vince has an idea to promote the show: Drew can be in the Royal Rumble! Drew: “I don’t wrestle. Of course I don’t act but I have a show.”

Chyna doesn’t want to hear from Billy Gunn about her match with Ivory. She tells him to worry about the Rumble. I’d worry about being Billy Gunn.

Jericho says he proved Benoit wrong.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory. The Right to Censor gave Chyna a spike piledriver to put her out of action, meaning her career might have been over. Now she’s back to destroy Ivory for what she’s done to them in what should be a squash.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Chyna

Chyna is challenging and hits some quick clotheslines to begin the dominance. A toss off the top keeps it going and Ivory gets stomped in the corner. Ivory gets tossed outside so Chyna follows her into the crowd for the quick stop. Chyna cleans house, including tossing Steven Richards. Back up and a handspring elbow into the corner crushes Ivory….but Chyna collapses and grabs her neck. Ivory gets the quick cover for the pin after no offense.

Rating: D-. Of course the wrestling isn’t the point here as this was an angle disguised as a match. There are only so many ways you can book Chyna vs. Ivory, or Chyna vs. any woman for that matter, and this is the kind of trick booking you have to use. It’s barely a match of course and what we got was nothing worth seeing of course.

Lawler goes in the ring to check on Chyna and Billy Gunn (who comes from opposite the entrance for some reason) joins him. A long stretcher job ensues.

After someone seems to have her neck horribly injured, we go to Stephanie needing her hair fixed. She runs into Trish and things get catty, as expected.

Harvey Wippelman gives Drew some gear when Kane comes in. I think you know where this is going and it’s starting to wear thin.

Tiger Ali Singh and Low Down (D’Lo Brown and Headbanger Mosh in, shall we say, an ethnic gimmick, which is probably more offensive than funny) are arguing over who gets the spot in the Rumble. Vince comes in and says never mind because Carey is getting their spot. This is the kind of detail that makes the entry a lot easier. You’re not left wondering whose spot Carey is taking because the name is officially give. Also, who is going to remember Brown or Chaz in the match as cannon fodder for a big name? Put Carey in instead and give us a fun moment instead. It’s not like it’s going to change anything.

Fans at WWF New York give their picks for HHH vs. Kurt Angle.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. HHH. Angle won the title a few months back but HHH said he could get the title back whenever he wanted it. A few family strings were pulled and Vince’s son-in-law got the title shot. Since Angle couldn’t have a McMahon in his corner, he got Vince’s mistress Trish. This set Stephanie off and the ladies are in a bigger feud than the men. Oh yeah the men don’t like each other either.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. They fight over the arm to start as JR has to point out that this is heel vs. heel for a really weird setup. Lawler of course would rather talk about the women at ringside (to be fair, Stephanie looks great here). Angle throws HHH outside but the fans think the champ sucks. The signature chant hasn’t started yet so that’s still some fresh thinking.

Angle follows him out for some right hands to the face, only to get sent into the barricade for his efforts. Back in and HHH starts on the knee as the announcers discuss Drew Carey. Lawler actually brings up a good point by saying he made a huge name for himself by piledriving Andy Kaufman. What kind of attention would someone get for taking out Drew Carey? Angle whips HHH over the corner for a big crash and more “acting” from Stephanie. Another whip sends him into the steps and it’s Angle being even more aggressive.

A missed charge allows HHH to wrap the leg around the post though and a chair to the knee makes it even worse. HHH follows it up with a chop block and it’s off to the Indian deathlock. Well you knew he was going to work that one in somehow. The Figure Four follows up and JR is talking about all the things Gordon Solie would say about the hold. Trish tries for a save but Stephanie pulls her out for the catfight. Vince comes out to break it up as HHH looks on. Maybe getting some ideas for later?

HHH finally snaps back into it and drops some elbows on the leg. A DDT cuts HHH off though and a bridging German suplex gets two. Kurt goes up but gets low blowed, followed by a Razor’s Edge of all things for two more. You know it’s serious when HHH is using the Kliq moveset. Angle is back up with a suplex and the moonsault, only to bang his knee up some more.

They head outside and the ref gets bumped, with Lawler referring to Hebner as one of his best friends. Back in and HHH goes up, allowing Angle to run the ropes for a super armdrag. There’s no referee so HHH grabs the belt but walks into another suplex. Naturally the Pedigree connects for no count so here’s Austin to lay HHH out with a belt shot.

Rating: B. A little too much overbooking for my taste but the ending makes sense given HHH costing Austin the title a few weeks back (which the announcers finally bothered to mention after the match was over). Angle retaining is fine too as HHH vs. Austin doesn’t need the title and we can get to Rock vs. Austin at Wrestlemania that much easier. Angle still isn’t quite capable of hanging move for move with someone like HHH but he’s certainly able to do enough to cover up his few faults. The fact that he was only about fifteen months on the main roster at this point is almost scary.

The Rock, looking a little stoned, compares the Rumble to a big pot of jambalaya: there’s a bit of everything in it. The big question is whether the Undertaker and Kane are together and you know Rock isn’t letting an easy line like that get by. After talking about Undertaker tickling nipples, Rock says the Rumble could come down to him and anyone from Bull Buchanan to Perry Saturn to Steve Austin. He’ll win either way. Standard Rock here, with crazy charisma and presence without saying anything more than “I’ll win and don’t care who I have to beat”.

Long recap video on the Rumble. Does this really need an explanation? A bunch of people are in and about 25 five of them are kidding themselves into believing they could win.

Royal Rumble

Two minute intervals this year so they have a lot of time. Jeff Hardy is in at #1 and Bull Buchanan (of the RTC) is in at #2. Buchanan throws him into the corner but gets punched up to the top for his efforts. That goes nowhere so Matt Hardy is in at #3 in one of those old Rumble tropes. It’s kind of amazing how often this happens isn’t it? Buchanan is tossed without much effort and a fist bump gets us ready for the brother showdown. Matt can’t get him out in the corner so a suplex drops Jeff instead. Faarooq is in at #4 and it’s time to run over some Hardys.

Poetry in Motion into the Twist into the Swanton is enough to dump Faarooq though and it’s back to two. There go the shirts (and the schoolgirl cheers) as it’s time to slug it out. Drew Carey is in at #5 and the Hardys don’t even bother stopping their fight this time. They actually eliminate each other and Drew climbs in, much to the fans’ appreciation. Then the clock runs down and it’s Kane at #6, giving us the only thing JR could possibly say: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.”

Drew tells the Hardys to get back inside and save him as Kane takes his sweet time in a logical move. Carey keeps up the intelligence by offering cash but it’s Raven coming in at #7 with a kendo stick for the save. In the smartest thing he could do, Carey eliminates himself and manages to not have died.

I’ve said this before but that’s one of the best celebrity appearances in WWE history. He came in, he did his thing, he took a spot from a nothing wrestler who would have been tossed in short order and we get a fun moment. About nine months earlier, WCW took a lesser celebrity and made him the World Champion. Now which of these two did things the smart way?

Anyway we’re on to the hardcore section now with Raven spraying Kane with a fire extinguisher, only to have Al Snow jump the gun at #8 and attack Raven from behind. The buzzer, uh, buzzes, and it’s Snow coming in legally this time. That means a bowling ball between Raven’s legs with JR saying it seems like a hurricane blowing through New Orleans. I’ll be leaving that one alone as the hardcore guys beat the heck out of Kane.

Perry Saturn is in at #8 with Lawler and JR losing their minds over Terri’s top. Saturn starts in on Kane’s knee as there are weapons all over the ring. Kane has finally had it with this getting beaten up thing and slams Saturn down but everyone gangs up on him to get Kane down. Then reality sets in that they have to get him back up and throw him over the top. There’s a reason these guys are stuck in the hardcore division. Steve Blackman is in at #9 and WHAT A COINCIDENCE THAT IT’S ANOTHER HARDCORE GUY! I know the line is it’s completely random but these things get hilarious at times.

The brawling continues until Grandmaster Sexay is in at #11. Weapons are swung until Kane has enough of the nonsense and eliminates Sexay with the trashcan. Everyone else follows him out and Kane is alone to face the Honky Tonk Man of all people at #12. For some reason he decides to ask Kane to stand back so we can have a song. One guitar shot later and Kane has his sixth elimination in about four minutes. Again: great usage of a legend there, if nothing else just to give the fans a breather and a transition between the sections of the match.

That next section begins with the Rock coming in at #13 so the slugout can begin. They knock each other down in short order though and it’s Goodfather in at #14….and being eliminated in thirteen seconds, counting entrance. Kane chokes Rock on the ropes with JR getting in the….I’m not sure what the right adjective is but he calls Kane a carnivore and Rock a big piece of Rock Burger.

Tazz is in at #15 and manages to last even shorter than Goodfather. Rock can’t get Kane out either so he settles for a Samoan drop. It’s Bradshaw in at #16 and both Kane and Rock are clotheslined down in short order. Rock takes Bradshaw down but walks into a clothesline from Kane as things stay slow (fine in this case as Rock and Kane have been fighting for a few minutes now and Bradshaw is getting beaten up by both of them). Albert is in at #17 and gets double teamed by Kane and Bradshaw.

Lawler of course asks about Trish and Stephanie with JR cutting him off as fast as he can. The four pair off but no one is eliminated until Hardcore Holly is in at #18. Rock has to survive an elimination attempt as Albert bicycle kicks Kane down (that looked impressive). A running clothesline takes Bradshaw down (for a change) but Rock can’t get Kane past the apron. K-Kwik (R-Truth, who is somehow STILL AROUND seventeen years later) is in at #19 and is promptly stomped in the corner.

Rock can’t get K-Kwik out (Seriously?) and it’s Val Venis in at #20, giving us Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, K-Kwik and Venis. The brawling continues with no one coming close to an elimination until William Regal is in at #21. Bradshaw manages to hang on this time as it’s Test in at #22 to keep filling the ring up. Regal is tossed to keep things even though with JR saying he was molested.

The returning Big Show is in at #23 to get rid of Test and K-Kwik, followed by chokeslams to Albert and Bradshaw. Venis and Holly go up and down next, followed by one to Kane for a BIG pop. Rock is smart enough to kick him low though and a spit punch eliminates Show in short order. That was quite the sequence and has the fans right back into things after a bit of a lull. Smart booking, again. Show isn’t done though and loads up the announcers’ table as Crash Holly is in at #24.

The chokeslam puts Rock (not eliminated) through the table and the fans are quieted again. Everyone left in the ring goes after Kane but it’s Undertaker in at #25 to save his brother. The ring is cleared in all of thirty seconds and it’s Kane vs. Undertaker in a staredown with Rock still down on the floor. Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #26 and I’m not even going to bother describing his painful experience. Undertaker and Kane look at the ramp for the next entrant and it’s Steve Austin in at #27….only to have HHH jump him in the aisle.

Rock gets back in to fight the giants as HHH sends Austin into the barricade, busting him open somewhere in there. With Austin down on the floor, Billy Gunn is in at #28. Right hands abound but Undertaker and Kane stomp Rock and Gunn down into the corners. Undertaker DDT’s Rock and punches him in the head but it’s HAKU (the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion but not under contract because WCW WAS STUPID) in at #29.

Austin is still down on the floor and my goodness that’s a lot of blood. Undertaker and Kane beat on Haku, who is nice enough not to eat them. JR and Lawler get in an argument over Austin being attacked because of course they do and it’s heel Rikishi in at #30 (which was already announced). Austin is up to hammer on him in the aisle though and we have a final grouping of Austin, Kane, Undertaker, Rock, Rikishi, Haku and Billy Gunn. Right hands and a clothesline get rid of Haku and we’re down to six.

Undertaker chokeslams Rikishi and sends Rock to the apron but hurts himself headbutting Rikishi. A superkick actually gets rid of Undertaker in probably the biggest success of Rikishi’s heel run. I mean, it’s also one of the only ones but it counts. For some reason Rikishi tries the Bonzai Drop on Rock, earning himself one of the dumbest eliminations of the year. We’re down to four as Undertaker’s motorcycle revving is rather distracting. Gunn hits a Fameasser on Austin and is eliminated for general purposes.

Rock gets in a DDT on Kane and finds himself in an opposite corner from Austin, meaning we have the modern Hogan vs. Warrior moment. The Wrestlemania preview is on and you can actually see the fans standing to watch it. There’s a Stunner to Rock and the Thesz press to Kane, followed by a low blow. A Rock Bottom cuts Austin off but Rock sends Kane through the ropes by mistake.

The big time slugout is on again but Kane comes back in and dumps Rock. Now THAT is a big deal for him…yet he was in a triple threat hardcore match at Wrestlemania. Wrestling is funny that way. Kane chokeslams Austin, only to walk around for a bit. A low blow gives Austin a breather so Kane grabs a chair. No worries though as a Stunner and some chair shots send Austin to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This was the Rumble formula at a very high level with Austin not being a lock to win here (Rock was very much an option) and Kane as the story throughout the match. There were also some long sections in there, along with several stories being set up for the future. The company was on a roll at this point and it’s no shock that the Rumble was excellent as well. Great stuff here and one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: A. When the worst part of the show is an angle disguised as a match, it’s pretty clear that you have a winner. The Rumble and the ladder match here are both top notch and it’s no surprise that things are rolling along as well as they are here. The company was just on a roll at this point with no turning back (until they managed to botch the biggest storyline in wrestling history but that’s a story for later). Just a great show top to bottom here with the only weak spot being a three and a half minute match. That’s some pretty sweet territory and the amazing thing is Wrestlemania blew this away.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B-

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A
2013 Redo: A+
2018 Redo: A

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D-

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: B
2013 Redo: B+
2018 Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A

It always interests me when the first and third ratings are the same and the middle is different. Still though, great show all around, as it always has been.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

And the 2013 Redo:

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Survivor Series 2000
Date: November 19, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 18,602
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Molly is about to fall out of her top and Jerry loses it.

Radicalz vs. Team Chyna

Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero

Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, K-Kwik, Chyna

Billy gets to fight Dean first with the Radicals taking over quickly. Benoit low bridges Billy but Saturn accidentally superkicks Benoit on the floor. Back in the ring Dean ducks his head and the Fameasser makes it 2-1. A Jackhammer gets two on Saturn as Benoit makes the save. Benoit hits the Swan Dive for two and the Wolverine is shocked on the kickout. Benoit is sent to the apron and Gunn tries to suplex him back in, only for the Warrior/Rude ending with Saturn tripping Billy and holding his foot for the pin.

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Kane pulls the buckle pad off but neither guy can get rammed into it. Kane uppercuts Jericho down over and over but Jericho keeps popping back up. Back to the floor with Kane still in full control. Kane goes up but gets crotched to slow him down. Another attempt at the clothesline jumps into a dropkick to the ribs and things speed up a bit.

Terri tells the Radicals that HHH has a plan for later.

European Title: Hardcore Holly vs. William Regal

Rikishi vs. The Rock

Post match Rikishi destroys Rock and lays him out with a bunch of Banzai Drops to the bad chest.

Steven Richards comes out so Lita throws Ivory to the floor and hits a big dive to take both of them out. A cross body gets two for Lita but the moonsault misses thanks to Steven. Ivory misses a belt shot and gets suplexed down. Lita takes her own top off but the moonsault hits knees. Apparently Ivory pulled the belt up and knocked Lita out with it to retain.

Coach has no updates on Rock.

Jericho jumps Kane and beats him up, setting up their rematch.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle

Kurt dives off the apron at Taker but gets caught with ease (Kurt: “OH GOD NO!”) and rammed into the post. Taker does it again for fun and Angle is in trouble. Back in and Taker pounds away on the back but Angle gets in some shots to the leg to take over. The leg gets wrapped around the middle rope but Taker comes back with a Fujiwara Armbar. Here are Edge and Christian for a distraction a second before Angle taps out. Like every other schmuck face, Taker lets go of the hold when he has Angle dead to rights.

A quick rollup with tights gets two for Kurt and a Russian legsweep gets the same for Taker. After a quick breather for Angle on the floor, he comes back in for a bad Figure Four on the challenger. Taker reverses and Angle gets the rope as is the custom for this sequence. A powerslam gets two for Taker but Angle goes right back to the leg. Kurt throws the Figure Four on around the post but Taker kicks him off.

After some replays, Kurt runs from the arena to a waiting car to bail.

The XFL has cheerleaders!

Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian

Dudley Boys, Hardy Boys vs. Edge and Christian, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather

Matt comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. The Hardys take off their shirts to reveal camo shirts that match the Dudleys. In the melee, the Edge-O-Matic (actually called that here) pins Matt. D-Von vs. Edge now with the former hitting a swinging neckbreaker for no cover. D-Von takes down both Canadians with a double clothesline but a Buchanan distraction lets Christian hit the Killswitch for the elimination to make it 4-2.

They botch something but Goodfather hooks a Death Valley Driver for the pin on Bubba. Jeff gets to start with Christian but knocks Goodfather off the apron first. Christian misses a charge and hits post. The Swanton eliminates Christian and about twenty seconds later Val Venis (also RTC) clotheslines Goodfather by mistake, giving Jeff the winning pin.

Jeff gets beaten up but the Dudleys and Matt make the save and put the RTC through tables.

Austin is walking.

HHH tells the Radicals they know what to do.

Steve Austin vs. HHH

They head to the floor with Austin still in full control. Austin picks up a big piece of metal but HHH knocks it away. They fight over to the production area and then to the back and then back to the arena in a few seconds. Back in the aisle, HHH counters a suplex into one of his own to put Austin in even more trouble. They fight back to ringside and Austin is thrown onto the announce table before fighting back, sending HHH into the steps.

This time they head to the production area and then through a curtain and into the back, the same place they went for a few seconds earlier. HHH rams Austin into an anvil case but Austin sends him into a soda machine. Here are the Radicalz to attack Austin and give HHH a breather. After referees pull back the Radicalz, Austin chases HHH into the parking lot where HHH gets into a car. All of a sudden HHH is on a mic which is stupid but you have to go with it. Austin is nowhere to be seen. Oh wait there he is in a forklift, picking HHH and his car up. HHH screams for mercy and is dropped down, destroying the car to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Original: D+

Redo: C-

The Radicalz vs. Team Chyna

Original: B-

Redo: C

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B-

Redo: C-

William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D-

The Rock vs. Rikishi

Original: B

Redo: C+

Ivory vs. Lita

Original: D+

Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. HHH

Original: D-

Redo: B-

Overall Rating:

Original: D+

Redo: C-

That main event is the big surprise as I HATED it the first time but I thought it was pretty good here. Odd indeed.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/24/survivor-series-2000-i-never-remember-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Survivor Series 2000
Date: November 19, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 18,602
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s a most interesting time for professional wrestling as WCW is on the absolute brink of going out of business and ECW was either off TV or almost off TV. The WWF had won the war and they knew it. Austin is back, having returned about a month or two ago to go after the driver from last year, who I’ve already explained to be Rikishi. Kish has also revealed that he was working for HHH the whole time, leading to the main event of Austin vs. HHH tonight.

Also we have Kurt Angle, who won the world title the previous month, defending against the Undertaker who is the American at this point. Other than that, there’s not a lot here. The Radicalz are here, which more or less completes the roster up until the Invasion of the following summer. With that being said, let’s get to it.

The opening video is a cool looking one of HHH saying how he controls everything and how tonight it’s Game Over for Austin. This doesn’t sound like much but it was really cool.

I miss WWF New York. That has to be one of the coolest ideas of all time.

As Lawler stares at her (with good reason), Ross points out a cool stat: the last six Survivor Series have had the WWF Title change hands. That’s not something I would have picked up on and it’s what commentators are supposed to do: throw out something that we wouldn’t catch. For some reason, Crash is WAY over. Molly is a newcomer at this point, and she is completely underrated as far as looks go. She really was very attractive.

Crash allegedly looks like Elroy Jetson. I’ve never seen it. He does hit a cool move where he flips over the top rope head first and catches Test in a hurricanrana. Teddy Long is the referee which amuses me to no end. We’re about a year away from the brand split, where Long would find a completely new career. Test takes Crash’s head off with a boot. That was awesome. There’s this weird smoke going through the arena. It looks really odd.

We get Molly vs. Trish, leading to Molly carrying her through this as she should. Trish hits her bulldog from the middle rope that gets two. Almost immediately after that though, Molly hits a sunset flip from the middle rope for the pin. She almost came out of her top here, which isn’t a bad thing.

Rating: D+. Uh, yeah. Can someone tell me why this was on Pay Per View, or better yet why it opened the show? The women were hot, and that’s about it. Oh and that Crash rana was cool. Other than that, this was a waste of 5 minutes. At least they kept it short.

Edge and Christian won’t help Kurt against Taker, due to Christian eating some bad chili and having mono. It sounds dumb but odd comedy was what they were best at so this was fine. Angle says he’s not worried.

Tiger Ali Singh (picture Daivari mixed with the Million Dollar Man) and Low Down (Mosh and D’Lo Brown) can’t get into the arena. That’s somewhat amusing.

Radicalz vs. K-Kwik/Road Dogg/Chyna/Billy Gunn

Kwik is more commonly known as R-Truth. He and Dogg are doing a rap gimmick that wasn’t half bad actually. This is likely because it got Dogg doing ANYTHING else. Since that was likely the point of the character change, he was put into a team here with his old friends Chyna and Billy, because that’s not a DX reunion at all is it? The Radicalz had shown up in January and had been around the midcard ever since, which was fine I guess as they had no resumes to speak of in this company.

Chyna’s Playboy would be coming out soon after this, causing me to be very happy as I had a big thing for her. Chyna had been with Eddie over the Summer but at this point they were estranged due to him screwing two hos, one of which being known as Victoria. Billy is now known as The One. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. At the moment Malenko is the Light Heavyweight Champion and Guerrero is the Intercontinental Champion and Terri is Saturn’s manager.

Billy and Saturn start off here which makes my head hurt. Why start with the least talented guys on each team? Chyna comes in soon and my heart goes all aflutter. She beats the living tar out of Saturn, which is pretty impressive. After a DDT (is there anything not perfect about this woman?), we get a big brawl and Eddie nails Chyna with the IC belt, allowing Saturn to pin her. Well that kinds of sucks. Now it’s Road Dogg vs. Saturn.

The Radicalz were an interesting team. When they were awesome they were very awesome but when they sucked they REALLY sucked. The Radicalz beat down the Dogg with relative ease, which makes sense. Eddie and Malenko come in for awhile to beat on him which is at least watchable. Lawler makes a great and true point when he says Dean doesn’t get the credit that he deserves.

Eddie takes too long on the top rope and Dogg makes his bad comeback. Ross says that there’s always something to remember in November. There has to be a bad lawsuit for ECW in there somewhere. Billy comes in and gets beaten down by the Radicalz as well, so at least some things never change. However, since he’s likely filled with cocaine, Billy pops up and beats on Eddie before using a sleeper drop to pin him. It’s not a great move but at least I see what they’re going for with it.

Kwik comes in and everything goes fast all of a sudden, but it ends just as fast due to a great Benoit German suplex to make it 3-2. What a shock: the Outlaws are the last two against the other team. I never once would have seen that coming. There’s a lot of brawling in the corner here, which isn’t really a good thing with this much of it. Despite being on the same team, the former Outlaws have gone their separate ways. Only in JR’s mind does that even begin to make sense.

A decent Northern Lights suplex takes out Roadie making it 3-1. This part is rather academic as they just beat on him over and over again. Eventually they hit the floor and Saturn messes up by superkicking Benoit square in the shoulder, which of course knocks him out. Billy gets in and hits a Fameasser on Malenko to make it 2-1.

Why does Billy against Benoit just sound like it’s a bad sign for the American? Billy actually kicks out of the headbutt which is kind of impressive. He goes for a suplex over the top but just like Warrior vs. Rude in 1989, Saturn hooks his foot to play the part of Heenan for the pin.

Rock is just getting here and ignores Lillian’s questions.

Jericho says he was ready for a sanka on a poll match, but instead it’s just a regular match which is fine with him. He’s fighting Kane tonight in a feud that started over Jericho spilling coffee on Kane and then making bad jokes about Kane being burned, leading to this match.

As I’m watching this video where Jericho is still in the midcard and not a big deal yet at all, great talker, but he doesn’t have the resume yet. That’s a great sign for Miz. Anyway, Kane has spent about a month beating on Jericho, so there we are.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

The pop is just ridiculous for Jericho. But hey he wasn’t important so he couldn’t get a serious push for over a year right? He’s in way over his head here as Kane is still a monster and Jericho is at the point where he’s too big for the IC Title for the most part but he’s not ready for the main event yet.

Jericho pounds away which gets him nowhere. It’s so odd seeing him being all aggressive etc compared to what he usually does anymore. Jericho uses basic speed to get Kane to the floor but goes for a dive over the top but hooks his foot on the top rope and faceplants badly. Basically this is a lot of hitting and running by the blonde until he gets caught in a powerslam off a cross body.

The idea here is that Kane doesn’t like Jericho because he’s handsome and Kane is all disfigured. It’s so weird to think that this is in the same year as Wrestlemania 2000. I’m not sure why but that blows my mind. Kane hooks Jericho in a Hangman which the idea is that Jericho and Kane are back to back and Kane reaches over his head, grabs Jericho under the chin and lifts him onto his back. It looks insane.

Kane gets the turnbuckle pad off but can’t ram Jericho in. Jericho blocks the clothesline with a dropkick which for once is realistic looking with Kane having a reason to come off the top in that position. He sits up anyway and we’re right back to even. Kane goes for a Snake Eyes on the exposed buckle but gets rammed into it instead.

Jericho hooks the Walls and Kane is in trouble. After being in them for about a minute he finally gets the rope. They scare the heck out of me with one thing they do but Kane saves it. Jericho sets for the Lionsault and Kane literally has to scoot over three feet so it’ll hit. THANKFULLY he grabs the choke as Jericho lands so that’s all fine. Chokeslam ends it.

Rating: B-. It’s what you would expect from these guys but minus just a bit. The problem here is that Jericho just isn’t ready to fight a guy the size of Kane. Jericho’s big push would come soon, but he just wasn’t ready here. He made it look good though, which is the point in fighting big monsters that are higher up on the food chain than you, so I can hardly complain I guess.

Terri tells the Radicals that HHH is here. Something is funny apparently.

European Title: William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly

This is happening because of some argument they had or other. They more or less say we just threw this together. He makes fun of the country for not being able to elect a new President, which is exactly true. He does more insults about basic things, which isn’t really that impressive. Holly has just come back from having his arm broken by a botched Angle moonsault, which was barely touched on in I think a run in and a bad match on TV.

Since he’s intelligent, Regal goes after the arm that was injured. So we’re about three minutes into this and it’s been literally ALL Regal. What’s the point of this match again? Oh yeah we need to fill in time. Holly starts his comeback, but after three punches and a crossbody, Regal is back on offense again.

Oh wait he got a fourth punch! He gets three more and two clotheslines before they go to the floor. Holly has finally taken control, so he goes and gets the belt and blasts Regal with it for the DQ. Mounted punching follows. Well thank you for that.

Rating: D-. This was just stupid. Why was this on PPV anyway? It was about 6 minutes long and was about 95% Regal, before a stupid DQ. This looked like the start of an angle rather than a PPV match, but of course nothing ever came of it. I don’t get this one.

Trish hits on Angle. He doesn’t get it.

We get a recap of Rock vs. Rikishi. The fat man claims that Rock asked him to take out Austin, which turns out to be a lie. Rock says he wants nothing to do with Rikishi, other than having this match of course and making a PPV paycheck from it. Anyway, Rikishi is in a Lincoln, the same kind of car that ran over Austin and slams Rock’s chest with a sledgehammer. The car was driven by HHH which reveals him to be the accomplice and mastermind behind the whole thing. That leads us here.

Rikishi vs. The Rock

Ok number one way to get Rikishi over as a heel, change his freaking ring attire. The thong thing just looks ridiculous. Rock sprints to the ring and beats the tar out of him. He even gets a decent Samoan Drop on him. I’ve never seen him punch that fast. Anyway, Rock goes for a chair but it doesn’t work as the referee grabs it and Rock takes a superkick to the chest, which makes more sense than the jaw in this case. The psychology is here if nothing else.

A lot of guys would have completely ignored the chest thing and just done generic offense, but if nothing else Rikishi is working on the chest almost entirely. He punches it in three out of the four corners because for some reason Rock’s reaction to pain is so stumble to the right every time. The story of the match is basically this: Rikishi hits Rock in the chest a bunch, Rock holds his chest, Rock fights back, repeat. Rock continues to act as a bra by holding his chest as they go to the floor.

The referee goes down on the floor because there hasn’t been enough ridiculous brawling so far of course. The fat guy becomes HHH as he pulls out a sledgehammer. I love Rock’s ridiculous overselling. He hits the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee, which doesn’t matter because Rock can’t cover. Back on their feet, Rikishi keeps stopping the comebacks with the racially charged heabutts, because all Samoans have hard heads right?

The deadly fat man drop looks like it has finished the Rock and is going to allow the evil of thongs to reign supreme forever, but it only gets two. Rikishi hits the Stinkface, which has got to be the most retarded move of all time. I hate moves…no wait it’s not a move. I hate things like that where it’s supposed to be psychologically devastating. Rock comes back with a big clothesline and Rikishi does a big flip that he tended to do.

The elbow hits and after a long wait before covering and barely a cover, that’s it? Oh come on now. Post match, Rikishi gets up because he got hit by A FREAKING ELBOW DROP. I love the way Rock is holding his chest as it looks like he’s covering his nipples. Four Banzai Drops later, Rock is hurt apparently.

I love when announcers say people will never be the same. Of course they won’t be. They’re going to age, they’re going to have worked out more, they’re going to be more experienced etc. You’re never the same as you were before people.

Rating: B. This was actually good. Having Rock injured coming into it was required because it made it seem like he was in danger of losing. I also like how he won the battle but ultimately lost the war, as it makes Rikishi look like a bigger deal without weakening Rock. It’s not great, but it certainly carries itself well if that makes sense.

Raven is at WWF New York. Dang they screwed up that character.

Over an hour into the show and Austin is just getting here. That’s just great.

HHH is with the Radicalz and Foley, with a creepy looking short haircut, comes in and says the Radicalz can’t be in the match tonight. Also it’s no DQ, which makes it stupid because if it’s no DQ, what can Foley do if the Radicalz interfere?

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita

Ivory is in the Right To Censor at this point. She doesn’t like Lita because of the clothes. Due to that, Lita gets a title shot? What sense does that make? Lita of course looks great. I think they botch a spot as Lita ducks underneath about four moves off the ropes. I think they got that backwards somewhere. Ross says they’re live in Rwanda as well which is odd. Lita is busted open and I’d say it’s legit too.

There’s no reason she would have bladed this early or at all for that matter. Ivory is actually wearing a long skirt in this. Lawler implies that Ivory is bad in bed. Oddly enough she was brought in as a sex toy for Mark Henry. Lita hits some decent stuff but her eye is bothering her. She takes out Ivory and Stevie with a sweet plancha though. Ivory is pulled out of the way of the moonsault by Steven to get Ivory back on the offense.

This is a very fast moving match. I don’t mean in the sense of high flying, but it’s just going really quickly, which isn’t good. Ivory misses a shot with the belt and Lita takes her down and takes her top off, which I’m hardly complaining about. The moonsault doesn’t work again as Ivory as the belt ready, and she get the pin.

I’ve checked this more than once and I can’t actually see where Ivory covers her. Maybe I’m just missing it but I don’t see it at all. Ok the replay shows the arm over Lita so that works. For some reason Lita “never quitting” is impressive? OH DANG she’s bleeding badly. I didn’t realize it was that much.

Rating: D+. This is passing because of Lita’s looks. There’s just nothing at all of note here as it’s WAY too short and Lita looked bad in it. It might be because of the blood, but dang man. There’s just nothing appealing about this match at all other than looks, so yeah it’s pretty bad. Ivory would go on to feud with Chyna who would destroy her at Mania for the belt before killing its credibility by just leaving while still champion.

Coach says Rock is hurt.

Jericho beats up Kane despite having lost clean to him earlier.

We get a recap of the build to Taker vs. Angle. Angle has done more in a year than a lot of people do in a career, and Taker is Taker. That sums up just about everything. Taker says Angle will take his last ride.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Remember this is still good boy Kurt, not crazy psycho Kurt. Taker has been here for ten years, so he’s still a veteran, but not the long term veteran like he is now. That’s just amazing on a lot of levels. Angle asks for a moment of reflection on your favorite Kurt Angle moment from the past year. He would conduct a poll, but Florida would screw it up. He lists off his accomplishments and the way he does this is just hilarious. He had this character down from the day he debuted.

Naturally Taker cuts him off with a bad Kid Rock song. That man is the evil of wrestling, plain and simple. Taker’s pants are just a shade under white. That’s just making it difficult to take him seriously as a tough guy. Angle stalls the start of the match so Taker gets fed up with it and gets a chair which he throws to Angle. That’s kind of cool actually. Angle nails him with it and we finally get a bell. After Angle punches him a bit, Taker channels his inner Hulk Hogan by hitting a boot and legdrop.

Since he surely would have had the pin because that’s just the most awesome combination of moves in history, he pulls him up because he doesn’t want a minute long match. I think Taker is going for Old School. I base this on the theory that Taker shouts out OLD SCHOOL! I just can’t get over those pants. They’re like beige or something like that. This turns into a fistfight and I’ll give you three guesses as to who wins that. Both guys have scary strength.

Angle gets a belly to back suplex with ease and Taker catches Angle jumping at him from the apron without backing up a step. That’s just scary power. Angle starts working on the leg for the ankle lock. That makes sense. Taker works on the back which makes sense I guess, but the Last Ride isn’t exactly a move that needs a lot of buildup when you think about it.

I love the basic story here of Angle tries to use all these suplexes and psychology of the legs etc. and Taker just punches the tar out of him. Just as I say this, Taker hits an armbar. Edge and Christian run out and distract the referee while Angle is tapping.

Chokeslam doesn’t hit, because since Taker is a face that has a submission, he lets it go instead of just cranking on it until the referee is paying attention. I’ll never get the thought processes of wrestlers. Taker beats up Edge and Christian so at least some things never change. That’s good to know.

Angle takes a chokeslam which prompts Ross to shout about how it’s over, so naturally it’s not. The Olympian gets a bad figure four, but for the first time ever more than likely it’s on the proper leg. Flair is the master of the move, but he tends to put it on the wrong leg. Angle doesn’t have it on right but I guess that’s the tradeoff that’s made. Taker reverses it and Lawler assures us that Angle is NOT crying from the pain.

Taker is barely selling the leg, which bothers me. Is he Shawn Michaels or something? Since it’s Survivor Series, Angle puts the figure four on the pole. We have to have Bret Hart references left and right so why not? Taker STILL doesn’t sell the knee. Despite having his leg worked on for about ten minutes, Taker has the strength to pick up Angle for the Tombstone and walk around with him as Angle tries to fight it off. Are you kidding me?

I would understand this to an extent if it was Deadman Taker, but this is ridiculous. We go to the floor again and Angle hides under the ring. Taker pulls him out, takes him into the ring and hits the Last Ride for the pin? What the heck was that? It was nothing actually, because we only have two. The referee sees Angle’s face and realizes it’s a different person (Kurt’s brother Eric, also a pro wrestler but not a very good one at all.

They did the EXACT same storyline in 2003 with Lesnar instead of Taker.). The real Kurt comes in and rolls up Taker for the pin. Well that was different and at least it wasn’t a Montreal reference. We see Kurt running to a car that’s waiting for him unlocked and with the keys in the ignition in the parking lot where he speeds off.

Dang you would think that the defending world champion would have a better car waiting for him. That thing has to be at least four or five years old and it’s not even a pretty color.

Rating: B-. Well, I hate the ending, and I really hate Taker’s refusal to sell the knee, but this was good other than that. It worked fine for what it was, but Angle just wasn’t ready to hang with Taker yet. If you want the real main event level match from these two, check out No Way Out 2006. Now THAT is how it’s done. As for this, it’s good but not a classic. I liked it for the psychology, but some may not.

The XFL is coming. Let the jokes begin.

Edge/Christian/Right To Censor vs. Dudleys/Hardys

The RTC here is Buchanan and Goodfather and somehow they’re the tag champions here. That would last almost another month, which blows my mind. Ross points out how just about everyone has switched sides since last year which is amusing to me as it’s quite true that everyone can change from face to heel in such a relatively short amount of time. We start with Bubba and Buchanan if that tells you where this match is going.

D-Von makes things better with a jumping reverse elbow, which is one of the coolest moves of all time. This is broing for about a minute and a half or so until we get the big brawl that we knew was coming. Jeff is of course rocking a way too big purple sweatshirt and we get a quadruple DDT, which is somehow dumber than it sounds. Why is it dumb you ask? Are you telling me that in that whole time they were setting for it, no one that was getting dropped could throw a punch to the ribs to break it up?

That’s why it’s stupid. The Hardy’s shirts come off to reveal…more shirts. Well that was pointless. Oh ok they match the shirts the Dudleyz are wearing. That makes a bit of sense then. Immediately after that, Matt rips his off. Thanks for wasting our time. Jeff does the same, so our time is doubly wasted.

Thankfully just after that, Edge takes out Matt with the Edge-O-Matic, which is just an awesome name for a move, period. About a minute later after nothing of all of interest or importance, Christian hits the Unprettier on D-Von to make it 4-2.

This just isn’t that interesting. WWE needs to learn that just because a tag team is good together they’re not that interesting apart most of the time. Take the Dudleys for example. Does anyone care about either of them on their own? That might be a bad example as most people don’t care about them as a team anymore, but to be fair again they haven’t really been the Dudleys or anything close to them in about ten years now so whatever.

Bubba comes in and cleans house. Edge accidentally spears Buchanan and Bubba eliminates him. About thirty seconds later Bubba hits the full nelson bomb on Edge. Christian goes for a splash from the top rope for the save but misses and Edge is gone just after that. That leaves Christian and the Goodfather vs. Jeff and Bubba. Goodfather takes Bubba out with a really bad Death Valley Driver, which gets the very original name Goodfather Driver.

Christian hits the post and then in a very weird looking move, Jeff picks up Christian for a slam and literally just drops him. It looked odd to say the least. A very high and fast Swanton ends Christian and we’re at one on one. Hmm, a young and popular guy against a generic midcarder that found one gimmick that worked out of about 5 he was given. I’ll set the over/under at a minute. Who wants some?

After a misses splash with theatrics that certainly isn’t the Ho Train, Val Venis misses a clothesline that hits Goodfather for the pin. Well that was such a phenomenal ending that I don’t think there’s anything left for me to say about this match. The Right to Censor all beat on Jeff until Matt and the Dudleys come in for the save. You can figure out what happens by yourselves here.

Rating: C-. This started well, but it felt like it was clipped at the end. I mean there’s zero story or anything like that to get rid of the last about 5 guys in this. It’s just finishing move, thirty seconds of whatever, finishing move, repeat. I know they didn’t have a lot of time, but they could have done more than this.

Also, how in the world are the Dudleys in a match and they don’t get to do the freaking 3D? They’re known for three things: the 3D, tables, and the 3D through tables, and they don’t get to do it? Come on now. This could have been cut from the show or turned into a quick tag title match instead and it would have been much better.

HHH talks to the Radicalz about nothing at all.

We recap Austin vs. HHH, which really was a huge feud. Once Austin got back, the manhunt was on for the guy that Rikishi was working with. How they knew he had an accomplice was never flat out explained, but whatever. I guess it might be that Rikishi was just too freaking stupid to be able to pull this off himself but that’s neither here nor there. There were more attempts on Austin, such as dropping an anvil case being dropped near him and a guy hitting him in the head with a wrench.

HHH had apparently been a bit of a face around this time, but turned on Austin on Raw, revealing himself. JR was stunned by this for some reason. He wants to know why HHH would do this. In the words of Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “When are you going to get this through your pretty little head? I’M EVIL!”

Why can’t Ross get that? HHH did it because he’s a FREAKING HEEL. It’s his nature to do stuff like this. Anyway, HHH’s reasoning makes a lot of sense as he says that in Austin’s absence he took over the company and became the top guy, which is true.

HHH vs. Steve Austin

HHH gets booed out of the building and Austin gets the roof blown off the freaking place. The buildup for this was perfect, as the fans hated HHH for taking their hero from them for nearly a full year. That’s the best way to get heat, and HHH was somewhere in the range of the devil himself. He’s using the Disturbed theme music here which is good also. Two middle fingers go up and we’re on. As happened with a match yesterday, there’s just nothing to say here.

The problem with this match is simple: HHH has tried to murder Austin twice now, and they’re going to have a wrestling match over it. See how there’s just something missing there? This is just a big brawl. Now who saw that one coming? If you did, give yourself five points. Anyway, this is just ok at best. It’s just a fight all over the arena with HHH working on Austin’s neck and Austin working on HHH”s back and both guys punching and kicking each other a lot.

This is a match that would have benefited greatly from a gimmick not known as No DQ. This needed to be the Cell or Last Man Standing or something where you could have had a lot of violence that made sense. This is just mindless fighting with no direction at all.

Now before someone says to me “but KB it’s a fight. It’s supposed to not have direction”, I’d advise you to shut your idiotic mouth because you don’t know what you’re talking about. Take a look at something like Summerslam 2002 with Shawn and HHH and then take a look at a run of the mill hardcore match from say 2000. You can clearly see the difference. Now, yes the talent of the wrestlers makes a big difference, but that’s the point isn’t it?

Most of the time, the match should be about the wrestlers in the match, not the weapons or gimmick that’s going on. The wrestlers carry the match and not their surroundings and these two certainly are capable of doing just that. However, we just get a No DQ match, which means it’s more or less a failure. The heat is there, but it’s too long and too generic. This should have been about 10-12 minutes long and have been Austin being as violent as possible.

That’s where a Last Man Standing rule would have worked really well, because a pin here just seems completely stupid. Instead of that, what about a match where it’s just Austin beating the living tar out of HHH to try to keep him down, resulting in something absurd to keep him down. He comes close to that by using the chair around the neck of HHH but it doesn’t happen so that’s whatever.

After nearly 20 minutes of the exact same stuff time after time, they go to the back where the Radicalz are waiting. Austin fights them off as HHH tries to run him down again. Because HHH apparently can’t get out of the car in the minute and a half he has, Austin gets him up in a fork lift. After the time off screan for HHH to get out and get a mic on him, he is dropped about 15 feet to the ground with the last thing we hear being him shouting HOLY CRAP!

Do I even need to break down why this is stupid? Number one, he would die. Number two, he could have gotten out of the car about a dozen times. Number three, how in the world are we supposed to hear him when he’s in a car, outside, and on a forklift? Finally, HE WOULD BE DEAD. Naturally he was on Raw the next night. This ends the show as I can’t believe how bad that was.

Rating: D-. This was just bad on nearly every level. Like I said, there’s just no way to make a match work with the storyline that they built up to this with. I get what they were shooting for here, but it was just a complete and total failure. They just didn’t have enough for them to work with here and they had too much time on their hands out there. The Cell really would have worked perfectly here, but I can understand they didn’t want to use it twice in nine months.

The ending was just flat out stupid, plain and simple. Again, I get what they were going for here, but it just didn’t work at all for them. This was more or less the end of the feud for awhile as the main event of Armageddon 2000 was a 6 way HIAC match, which also explains why it’s not being used here.

Austin and HHH would both go for the title soon after this, resulting in an AWESOME 2/3 falls match at No Way Out where HHH won twice in a row. That would be more or less the last time they went at it as far as I can remember, which is good because this was awful and that was great. Anyway, this was just a horrible way to end the show and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall Rating: D+. OH MAN did this show suck. It took me forever to get through it because I just didn’t want to see what was next. There’s some at best ok stuff here, but overall I just didn’t care. It’s practically a transitional show, with Rock/Rikishi, Angle/Taker and Austin/HHH not having legit endings to the feuds. And wouldn’t you know it, the main event for Armageddon was just all six of them in the Cell for the title (Angle retains).

That’s just lazy booking to me, as even then the feuds didn’t have actual endings. The whole show just doesn’t feel like there’s any thought to it, and I can’t help but wonder if the XFL had something to do with that. Vince needs to stick to wrestling and not other random things, because it hurts his primary product. This could have been decent, but it’s a complete failure to me and I’d recommend staying away from it.

 

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