Monday Nitro – March 27, 2000: Please Save No Changes Before Reboot

Monday Nitro #233
Date: March 27, 2000
Location: Sheraton Hotel, South Parde Island, Texas
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Well this is suddenly a packed show. First of all, it’s the Spring Breakout Show, meaning it’s a party themed show, which also means all of the people in attendance were in for free. Above that though, we’re officially in the last year of WCW as they would air their last show on March 26, 2001. The big story is Sid turning on Hogan last week so it’s time for Old People Theater. Let’s get to it.

Gene Okerlund opens the show in the ring because he’s a party by himself. He has someone to bring out for their return to WCW but gets Kimberly (looking great here) instead. Gene: “I’ve been double crossed!” Kimberly does the introduction for him and of course it’s Diamond Dallas Page.

Gene plugs Page’s upcoming book signing and then gets to the less important stuff: Page’s back injury potentially ending his career. That gets a quick “I’ll be back and my back will be jacked” before Gene is off to Ready to Rumble, which comes out next week. Page basically gives a press junket interview about the movie and the premiere, but after all that’s done, he wants his World Title back (which will be jacked I’m assuming).

Cue the NWO because where would we be without them? Jarrett reminds Page that there’s only one star around here and it’s not going to be long before Jeff shows everyone why he’s the chosen one. There won’t be a three time champion because Jeff has the stroke around here (what stroke is he talking about? That hasn’t been clear since Russo left) and he’s going to crash the Hollywood premiere. Page can see the marque now: Jeff Jarrett in Bada Boom, Bada Bing, Bada BANG. This isn’t the most thrilling feud in the world, but you know it’s going to be better than Jarrett vs. Sid one more time.

The announcers talk for a bit with Tony asking for a bit more time before we go to the b-roll. Of note: a sign between the two talking heads: “I Wish I Was At Raw.” The big news of the week: Eric Bischoff is back to head up creative. However, “you may have heard on the internet”, Vince Russo might coming back as well. Keep in mind that Russo is just a name to WCW fans. I don’t think it was ever announced that the Long Island voice of the flailing arm was Russo so, as is my normal question here, WHY WOULD FANS CARE WHO IS IN CHARGE OF CREATIVE???

As usual, this is WCW/Russo (who was officially back despite Tony saying we get his decision tonight) thinking that everyone is on the internet trying to find out all the inside stuff when that was maybe half a percent of the audience at this point. I mean, even today when that number has grown significantly (but is still the minority), I don’t want the companies acknowledging it. There’s a suspension of disbelief there and it ruins a lot of the mood by saying “yeah this is all scripted.” But hey, it makes Russo feel smart so it’s all fine.

To continue the theme of stupid moments, we get a clip of Jimmy Hart on the Mancow radio show where he got in a fight with the host. Keep in mind that he was in Chicago for the start of ticket sales for Spring Stampede, which was about three weeks after the on sale date. Is anyone surprised that tickets for the show didn’t go so well? Anyway, Mancow wants to fight Hart in the ring. I’m sure this is going to get pay per view time.

Three jobbers are in the back when Paisley comes up to give one of them a Cruiserweight Title match. The one in the middle, better known as Michael Modest, gets the shot.

The NWO was at the pool to discuss the breast stroke. One of the Harris Twins’ arms was in a sling.

Booker rambles about Kidman and threatens the healthy Harris Twin. I think they’re fighting tonight, but given how much Booker was going on, they might be taking in a matinee.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Michael Modest

Artist is defending of course. Both guys get in the ring and another song plays but it’s just an error because WCW. Tony talks about fans talking to him about the return of Russo and Bischoff and my goodness just shut up already. Does anyone believe that this is the hottest story among common fans?

Modest throws a nice t-bone suplex and hammers away in the corner as Tony goes on about Russo’s success in the WWF leading to the downfall of Bischoff. Chavo and Candido come to the ring for a closer look. Madden on Russo and Bischoff: “What’s next? The cat working with the dog?” I get the joke, but WCW ran that match on Thunder this past week.

Artist is put in the Tree of Woe as we hear more about Russo and Bischoff before Tony throws in Sid issuing a half million dollar bounty on Hogan’s head. Modest grabs a quick Death Valley Driver for two as Chavo and Paisley argue on the apron. Madden: “Maybe we’re not putting this match over enough.” Artist gets knocked into Paisley and Modest hits something like White Noise for the pin, though this is suddenly a non-title match after the announcers and Paisley both said it was before the match started.

Rating: C. Modest looked fine out there and was a nice surprise, but you can tell Russo is back as there were 19 other things going on during the match. Between Tony and Madden never shutting up about the new writers and three people at ringside for whatever reason, I could barely see the match since the camera couldn’t stay still. But yeah Modest looked good here, which is why we won’t be seeing him in the ring again until January.

The announcers freak out over the finisher before jumping right back to the bounty. To be fair that’s a bigger story than Modest.

The Harris Twins get promo time. Oh sweet goodness the Harris Twins are getting promo time. Don has injured his shoulder from pressing Midajah back at the hotel, so tonight it’s Booker vs. Ron.

Spring break videos.

Hogan arrives but Vampiro flags him down for a chat.

Booker T. vs. Ron Harris

Ron is in an NWO shirt, jean shorts and tennis shoes. Don offers a quick trip so Ron can clothesline Booker to the floor as the announcers talk about Russo and Bischoff again. Booker fights back with a spinebuster and the ax kick but here’s Jarrett for a distraction, allowing Don to sneak in for an H Bomb (arm was fine of course) to give Ron the pin. So now Booker is losing to one of the Harris Twins? Jarrett is one thing but Booker has had singles success. This is too much of a stretch.

Harlem Heat comes out post match but Kidman runs in to save Booker.

Vampiro tells Hogan about the bounty in one of those moments that is so obviously scripted that it hurts my soul.

Gene brings out Hogan for a chat with Hulk taking his sweet time to get out here. Thankfully the announcers pick up on this and suggest that someone got to him already. Hogan talks about girls in swimsuits giving Jimmy Hart a massage to make him feel better after last week. Well he isn’t going to top that all night. Hulk thinks he should just stand out here all night and beat up Sid (who isn’t here) until the sun comes up. The frat boys chant for Hogan, who calls Vampiro the wrestler of the future.

Hogan and Vampiro is one of the most bizarre buddy pairings I’ve ever seen in wrestling. He sees the magic of Hulkamania in Vampiro and promises to watch his back. Cue the Wall’s music and we see him on the roof of the hotel next door where he signals for a chokeslam. Hogan: “THAT’S THE WALL!” Keep in mind that the hotel is about 15 stories high and at least a street away from the show, meaning that Wall would likely be a white dot from Hogan’s vantage point in the ring.

Disco tells the Mamalukes that their match with the Jung Dragons is their final step towards a title shot.

Jung Dragons vs. Mamalukes/Disco Inferno

The Dragons come out to 3 Count’s music with their green circles, meaning it’s time for Japanese boy band music. The Mamalukes sneak in from behind to jump start the beating, complete with their own version of the H Bomb to Jamie. Disco chills on the floor to start as Vito hammers Jamie in the corner. A charge in the corner misses though and Kaz comes in off the hot tag to clean house.

That earns him the wrath of Kung Fu Vito, who slugs Kaz down and brings in Johnny. A huge gorilla press toss sends Kaz over the top and to the floor in a big crash, but Tony is reading the announcement that Russo and Bischoff will work together. Yeah it’s been hyped up all night and it’s mentioned during a nothing six man tag. Vito picks Jamie up for a suplex and runs around the ring with him up in the air. That’s some impressive power.

Johnny jumps from the mat to the top rope for a spinning guillotine legdrop but it’s still not enough to get the announcers’ attention. This is straight out of the NWO era playbook where everything else is important except the match at hand. As Tony keeps going on, he ignores the Harris Twins interfering. I mean literally, it’s like he’s not even watching the match. There’s no change in his tone or anything and he just continues on about the announcement. Disco comes in via a slap to the face but the Dragons take him down and hit Chris Chetti and Nova’s Tidal Wave (FINALLY getting a reaction from Madden) for the pin.

Rating: C-. I’ve always been a fan of the Tidal Wave so this was a good ending. The announcers drove me crazy but that’s par for the course in WCW: focus on everything except what’s going on right in front of you because that’s the real place of interest. The match was decent enough as it got a bit more time than average and the Mamalukes are fine for a midlevel power team.

Tony says the Harris Brothers have come in, a good minute and a half after they got here and started beating people up. The Twins clean house to make sure the Dragons don’t get a rub off this.

Nitro Girls.

Team Package vs. Sting/Vampiro

This is under Texas Tornado rules, meaning the first person to lose their foot and get a really impressive prosthetic wins for his team. I would throw in something about cocaine use but that’s too fair to Flair. Since this is an upper midcard feud, the announcers spend the entrances talking about Russo and Bischoff. It’s a brawl to start with Luger and Sting immediately fighting up the ramp and out to the pool. While that goes on, Flair wristlocks Vampiro, which Tony describes as turning up the heat.

Luger gets backdropped into the water as Vampiro has Flair in some kind of a leg lock. Back poolside, Luger pushes a waiter in as we keep cutting back and forth between the two fights. It turns into a food fight with Luger taking some salsa and sour cream to the face. Flair has Vampiro in the Figure Four but we need to watch Sting and Luger walk down a bridge towards the beach. Sting gets thrown onto a surfboard, but Tony has breaking news.

No, Flair hasn’t made Vampiro submit. No, Sting and Luger aren’t actually doing something interesting. Instead, THERE WILL BE REACTIONS FROM WRESTLERS TO THE RUSSO AND BISCHOFF ANNOUNCEMENT! When you ask? WE’RE NOT SURE YET! Vampiro spinwheel kicks Flair down for two as Luger and Sting are almost down to the water. Luger finally gets the salsa and sour cream knocked off of him and a piledriver on the sand is enough to give Sting the pin.

Rating: N/A. It’s not really fair to rate this as most of it was spent walking around to get to the beach with maybe 45 seconds of Flair vs. Vampiro thrown in. Some of the Luger vs. Sting stuff was amusing but it never reached beyond the lame garbage brawling and jokes about Luger being covered in sauces. I will however give them credit for finally using their surroundings as this could have been a lot more boring than it was.

Booker T.’s reaction to Russo and Bischoff returning: he doesn’t really care.

More spring break videos.

Terry Funk is ready for Hugh Morrus tonight and is still coming for Dustin Rhodes. Madden to Tony: “You and I will be retired long before Terry Funk.” He says this in jest but he’s actually right as Funk was still kicking around the indies about ten years after those two were done.

Meng vs. La Parka

La Parka’s voiceover talks about living large on spring break and how it’s one for him and one for his homies. He calls Meng Jungle Jim and the Tongan Death Grip gets Meng the pin about a minute later after no selling a chair shot.

The KidCam sees Buff Bagwell hitting on the same girls Steiner and the NWO talked to earlier. Is there a point to this coming anytime soon? We’ve been seeing Buff hit on women for like three months now and nothing has ever come of it. The NWO sees this and wants to kill Bagwell.

Fit Finlay thinks Russo and Bischoff can fix things.

Here’s the music video for Bif Naked’s We’re Not Gonna Take It, featuring a bunch of WCW people from Ready to Rumble.

Clips of Wall hurting people.

Terry Funk vs. Hugh Morrus

Funk has dropped the chicken in exchange for a chair. Tony has another announcement so he asks Madden to take over the play by play for a second. Madden: “All right. Morrus rushes at Funk and pounds him in the back with some heavy forearms.” Tony: “Ok that’s enough of that. Now for the announcement.” The announcement: next week’s Nitro and Thunder will be Best Of shows as we wait for the debut of the new Russo and Bischoff controlled WCW.

Funk chops on the ropes and sends Morrus into the buckle over and over. Tony: “Ok I’ve been told by the back to put over these two beating each other up. Well I can’t do that right now.” Instead, we’re told that Russo and Bischoff have two weeks to sort things out and debut their new WCW. Funk misses his moonsault and Tony FINALLY calls something (incorrectly of course), followed by Morrus missing his top rope elbow. They fight outside with Funk being powerbombed onto the sand and Tony finally pays some extended attention.

That lasts as long as an average Funk retirement as he talks about the two week break again. Morrus clotheslines Funk down and then knocks him out to the floor, only to miss a Cactus Elbow off the apron. Funk comes up with a chair for Morrus and a shot to the invading Dustin Rhodes, only to have Hugh plant Funk with a powerslam, followed by No Laughing Matter. Not that it matters though as Dustin hits Morrus with the chair for a DQ.

Rating: D. If nothing else, maybe we can get rid of this stupid story once the show is rebooted. Funk vs. Rhodes isn’t an interesting feud and is based on stuff that happened twenty years earlier. Therefore it’s perfect for WCW but annoying for its fans, which is why WCW keeps running for it.

Funk and Rhodes fight into the crowd as Morrus moonsaults the referee.

Hogan is ready for Wall and has his main man Vampyro (yes pyro) watching his back. “If the Wall tries to get on his boat to China, Vampiro (he got it right that time) will beat him with the hammerhead sharks.” Apparently Hogan is putting up half a million dollars of his own against Sid’s. So if Hogan wins he gets a million dollars? Well half a mil….you know what, I don’t care. Moving on.

Here’s the NWO for their tag match. After Steiner does his thing, Jarrett says he’s turning over a new leaf: the girls can stick around tonight.

Hennig and Bagwell are in the back, where Curt tells Bagwell to ignore the girls. Buff: “Oh come on. Girls are used to being wet around me.” Hennig: “Get your head in the game!” Buff: “It already is.”

The Artist, who doesn’t usually talk, thinks Russo and Bischoff coming in will suck. Oh wait that’s just what the boys want him to say. Instead, his real feelings are that he thinks they’ll give people a chance.

Even more spring break stuff.

Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Curt Hennig/Buff Bagwell

Hennig gets double teamed during Buff’s entrance. Bagwell sees what’s going on and keeps up his strutting before coming in for the save. Things settle down to Bagwell vs. Jarrett with Jeff in control but Buff gets in a knee lift and even more strutting. Hennig and Steiner come in and Scott easily breaks up the HennigPlex attempt. It’s time to ignore another match, but this time it’s to talk about Hogan vs. Wall up next. Bagwell comes back in and gets beaten up as Madden calls Steiner a human suplex machine.

Buff’s double arm DDT puts Jarrett down and the not hot tag (do you have any idea how hard it is to bore a college crowd?) brings in Hennig. Everything breaks down and Buff Blockbusters Jarrett but Jeff pops up and guitars Hennig (who had Steiner loaded up for the HennigPlex. He had Scott’s arm around his head and lifted the leg. Tony: “He may have been going for the HennigPlex but we’ll never know for sure.”) to set up the Steiner Recliner for the win. Buff was on the floor with the NWO girls instead of making a save.

Rating: D. Good night can someone put a gag on Schiavone? It’s amazing how much different things are when Bischoff is around to yell in his ear and make him sound like an idiot. Other than that, this was another lame match with the NWO fighting two guys who are thrown together because the NWO is still a thing for no apparent reason.

Vito thinks Russo and Bischoff are a step in the right direction to get the ratings back in order.

Hulk Hogan vs. The Wall

This is billed as a million dollar match with both guys putting up $500,000, even though Sid isn’t paying Wall anything unless Wall takes Hogan out. So if Wall wins he gets a million bucks total and if Hogan wins he gets……what? He doesn’t get the bounty from Sid and he keeps his own money, so why does Hogan put up any money in the first place? It’s kind of a one sided story and WCW has managed to make it more complicated than it ever should have been.

Wall pounds and chokes to start but Hogan comes back with his variety of right hands. Some more choking with I think part of Wall’s shirt is enough to send Hogan outside. It’s already table time but Hogan is waiting with a chair. Hogan pounds away with the chair but Wall no sells. Back in and Wall scores with the chokeslam but it’s Hogan’s turn to no sell. There are the big boot and legdrop but Wall does the Undertaker situp and goes after Hogan in the corner. Cue Vampiro to go after Wall for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I didn’t hate this as much as I thought I would as Hogan not only lost, but more importantly couldn’t beat Wall. This made Wall look like a monster instead of beating up people like David Flair and Crowbar over and over. It’s not a good match, but it gave Wall a big rub for a change, which is something he really needed.

Hogan and Vampiro knock Wall through the table but Wall still won’t sell to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t say I blame them for killing this off. Yeah WCW is starting to turn some stuff around, but it’s very clear that Sullivan and Russo/Bischoff’s booking don’t mix. Between all the brawling and boring stories we’ve been having for the last few weeks and now Tony going from a competent announcer to the airhead that he’s best remembered as all over again, there’s very little to get excited for around here and maybe the change will help for the time being.

I’m going to try to find a copy or recap of the Best Of shows for next week but there’s a chance I’ll just skip over them and be back in two weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, make sure to check out the Wrestling Bundle, which wraps up Sunday August 23 at midnight EST. Here are the details:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/




Thunder – March 22, 2000: Oh Heaven Forbid

Thunder
Date: March 22, 2000
Location: TD Waterhouse Center, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 2,443
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but Hulk Hogan’s buddy (and by buddy I mean someone he’s talked to twice) has turned on him and laid him out to end a show. Other than that we’ve still got Sting vs. Team Package because those three are joined at the hip for all eternity, doomed to wrestle each other forever, much like those fans stuck in the airport asking commentators and Kevin Nash about the goings on in WCW. Let’s get to it.

Quick montage of Nitro, focusing on Sid’s turn. Since this is Wrestlemania VIII all over again, I feel we should finally see Liz’s pictures as an apology.

Tank Abbott comes out and demands competition.

Tank Abbott vs. Fit Finlay

If this lasts two minutes I’ll be stunned. Abbott elbows Finlay in the corner to start before it heads to the mat with Fit in control. Some right hands and forearms have Tank in trouble and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Tank hits the big right hand to knock Finlay silly but here’s Meng. As luck would have it, Tank was looking at the entrance for a good five seconds before Meng’s music hit. Meng and Abbott get in a brawl for the DQ, even though Finlay is basically out.

We cut to the back where Hogan is punching Sid and slams him onto a table.

Gene is with Finlay in the ring and says he’s ready to fight Tank again because Abbott is as green as a frog. Before he can get much further, here are Hogan and Sid fighting down the aisle. Sid gets in the ring with Finlay and OH PLEASE let this wind up as a tag match with one of them having to team up with Abbott. Hogan vs./teaming with Tank could be the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Sid chokeslams Finlay and threatens Gene unless Hogan gets in here.

That goes nowhere so Sid wants a video played, which shows Hogan talking to Sid at Uncensored. Sid accuses Hogan of getting in his business, including helping him in the match against Jarrett and then at the press conference. He has a point, but this would be better had it not been over the course of 24 hours. Sid says Hogan was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hogan says any place, any time so Sid says bring it, but Hogan leaves because he’s a hypocrite.

Buff Bagwell doesn’t like Sid. The NWO is shown watching and doesn’t like Bagwell. I’m watching too and don’t like either, but the Harris Brothers are going to be around for a long time I’m sure because we’re just that lucky.

Here’s the Hogan vs. Sid brawl in case you forgot it in the last five minutes.

Sid hires some WCW security guards to work for him alone.

Dustin Rhodes is ready for Hulk Hogan later tonight. That could be……something.

Hogan can’t believe Dustin wants to fight him. As usual, Hogan thinks punching a guy in the face means nothing. Hogan being all delusional and thinking he never does anything wrong is one of my favorite things in wrestling. I mean, he hit Rock in the head with a hammer and crushed him with a semi truck but then gave him a thumbs up and posed with him so it was all cool. Jimmy Hart makes things even worse by saying Dustin just wants to fight him because he’s Hulk Hogan.

Jung Dragons vs. 3 Count

Please be as good as their Nitro match. Jamie-san and Shane get things going with Jamie shouldering Helms down in a surprising power display. Shannon sneaks in with a spinwheel kick after Shane gets sent to the floor and everything breaks down. Oh dear this is going to be hard to keep up with. The Dragons take over with a triple dive (that looked great) and Jamie ducks a moonsault from Shannon.

It’s off to Kaz who eats a knee to the ribs and gets tripled teamed in the corner as things have settled back down. A nice press slam drops Kaz again but he counters Evan’s cradle into a nice suplex. Yang comes in to clean house and fails at throwing Evan to the floor as Karagias can’t get through the ropes. It’s a good thing he moved on to something simpler like acting. Kaz and Jamie get tripped to the floor, leaving Shannon to hurricanrana Yang into a frog splash from Shane for the quick pin.

Rating: C+. As usual it was over too fast because we need to get to the eight other matches on this show. Oh and to Tank Abbott because he’s a star and therefore interesting or whatever. Unfortunately these six will be feuding for the rest of forever because, again, that’s how WCW works.

The Dragons, ever the sore losers, dropkick 3 Count out of the ring and steal the dancing circles. You can hear the young girls crying from here.

Chris Candido is from the school of Hard Knox don’t you know.

Chris Candido vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

The fans like Chavo. Artist and Paisley are shown watching in the back. They grapple to the mat until Chavo takes over with a headlock and here are Artist and Paisley to watch in person. Chavo sends him to the floor and follows with a nice dive as the fans are actually getting into this. Imagine that: getting into a match between talented guys.

Back in and Chavo dives into a Rock Bottom (becoming way too popular), followed by a delayed vertical for two. Candido slugs away in the corner but walks into a spinebuster. You don’t see Chavo go with the power that often. A Paisley distraction lets Candido powerslam Chavo down and head up top, only to be shoved off by Artist. The jumping DDT from Artist is enough to give Chavo the pin, though he didn’t see what Artist did.

Rating: C. As usual this didn’t have the time to go anywhere but at least Chavo got a pin and didn’t look like an idiot. The faster they get that title off Artist the better though, as these two can have better matches in their sleep than Artist could have if his career depended on it.

Post match Candido slams Chavo down and hits a pair of top rope headbutts. Forget what I said about Chavo looking good.

In the back we see a closeup of Miss Hancock’s legs. Well I’m sold. She sees something that drives her wild so the hair comes down.

Scott Steiner bench presses with help from the NWO girls.

XS vs. Los Fabulosos

That would be Lane/Rave vs. Silver King/El Dandy, now in matching costumes (in different colors. They look like Power Rangers minus the helmets) and with Hancock in their corner. Hancock promises they’ll make the women squirm, squeal and do thinks they never thought of doing before. XS attacks at the bell as you would expect them to do as Hancock jumps in on commentary.

The camera stays on Hancock (smart move) and comes back to see Los Fabulosos doing a nice sequence of a double drop toehold into stereo kicks. Lane takes Dandy down with a wheelbarrow slam but King’s helicopter slam (James Storm’s Eye of the Storm) to Lane sets up la majistral from Dandy for the pin. Decent enough debut but this is just a vehicle to get Hancock to the next level.

Disco tries to order a pizza under Big Vito’s name but gets caught. That earns him a match tonight while the Mamalukes go to Disneyworld. If there’s a point here, I’m not smart enough to get it.

Scott Steiner vs. Chuck Palumbo

This is Palumbo’s debut on the big shows. Steiner takes him down with ease and slaps on a…..squeeze I guess you’d call it. Chuck swings away to no avail before nailing the yet to be named Jungle Kick (superkick. I don’t know why he called it that either but I like the name). A belly to belly drops Palumbo and Steiner just unloads on him in the corner. Steiner scores with a backbreaker, t-bones Palumbo down and slaps on the Recliner for the win.

Rating: D. Palumbo was game but this was just a squash. Steiner is starting to get over as a monster, but with nothing for him to win there’s only so far he can go. It would be nice for some young guy to do something, but that isn’t the case with people like Booker or Kidman so why should Palumbo get to jump the line?

Curt Hennig says Sid shouldn’t have done what he did on Monday.

Disco Inferno vs. Vampiro

During the entrances, Tenay says tickets go on sale for Spring Stampede this weekend. The show is in less than a month and they’re just now selling tickets? No wonder they didn’t come close to selling the place out. Before the match Disco says he isn’t a wrestler so there’s no match. Cue Vampiro of course because no one listens to Disco Inferno. Tenay tries to play up Vampiro as getting a huge reaction and he’s borderline right for a change.

Disco tries to talk his way out of the match but pulls Vampiro to the floor, only to be sent over and then into the announcers’ table. Inside and Vampiro goes kung fu as we get commentary back. A running clothesline drops Vampiro but the fans say Disco sucks. Hey now the Bee Gees were awesome. Disco gets two off a Russian legsweep before they trade some hard shots, capped off by a Vampiro Rock Bottom for two. A top rope spinwheel kick and the Nail in the Coffin are enough to put Disco away.

Rating: C-. That might be high due to how lame the matches are on this show but at least this was entertaining while it lasted. Vampiro can at least do some good stuff in the ring and Disco is an underrated worker. Also, it’s nice for Vampiro to get a win instead of constantly jobbing to the veterans.

Speaking of the veterans, Flair and Luger come out for the beatdown but Sting makes the save.

Ernest “the Cat” Miller (in case you’re not up on your WCW nicknames) debuts Mike Jones as his shoe guarder. I love how Jones has basically played one character for thirteen years. It worked for Mr. Hughes so why not him?

Jeff Jarrett is ready for one of his biggest US Title defenses ever tonight. That’s accurate as it’s one of his only ever.

The Cat vs. The Dog

Please…..kill me now. It would be an act of mercy. I’ll pay you. Miller has Jones with him to guard the slippers. Dog charges at Miller when the Cat makes jokes and takes over with punches and a powerslam. Some forearms sets up some barking because this character is really, really literal. Even Cat thinks this is stupid so he hits Dog low and drops the dancing elbow. Cat kicks (of course) a lot but charges into a spinebuster. It’s shoe time but the referee kicks them away, leaving Dog to whip Cat into Brian Knobbs’ chain for two. Back up and a superkick ends Dog and of course it’s long enough to rate.

Rating: F. Somehow, this would have been better with more lame Heenan jokes. Miller is fine and at least has a character that has some details to it. Dog, on the other hand, IS A HUMANOID DOG. Like, he barks and comes out on a leash. I’d love to hear the production pitch for this and see the looks on everyone’s faces. Or the look on Vince McMahon’s face while he had Benoit vs. Angle vs. Jericho for his midcard at this point.

Knobbs whips Dog, meaning PETA probably protested because PETA is a bunch of nutjobs. Not their idea mind you, but their methods.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. With all of their problems, they can still field a team?

Knobbs finds the Dog chewing clothes. This is going to be a running gag isn’t it?

Norman Smiley needs someone to watch his back. Indeed, and that someone should beat him up for letting this hardcore stuff keep going.

Demon vs. Hugh Morrus

Morrus thinks Demon is funny, because laughing is his deal. It’s like the Joker you see, and that went over so well. Morrus takes over quickly with a back elbow and clothesline, only to miss an elbow drop by a few feet. Back up and Demon’s clothesline doesn’t work so it’s an enziguri to put Morrus down instead. Well at least he’ll sell something. A back elbow staggers Morrus again but he plants Demon with a spinebuster, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin. So we’re at the point where pushing Hugh Morrus is the best they can do. Oh happy freaking day.

Knobbs puts Dog in his car and drives away. Dog puts his head out the window because WCW thinks this is entertaining.

We get some KidCam footage of Bagwell calling out Sid earlier. Then he hits on a backstage worker and gets nowhere.

Sid’s dressing room is empty.

Video on the Wall. Points for trying anything new I guess.

Hogan (called great by Gene) praises Dusty Rhodes but says Dustin isn’t his daddy.

Knobbs abandons Dog on the side of the road, triggering some moon howling.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

Jarrett is defending for the first time on TV (well other than Saturday Night) since the first Thunder of the year. Bagwell hammers away to start and hits his running neckbreaker. A Vader Bomb gets two so cue the Harris Brothers to pull Buff to the floor for a beating. Buff misses a cross body and gets double teamed again, so here’s Curt Hennig for the save. Buff’s double arm DDT gets no count as one of the Twins offers a distraction, so Buff is smart enough to lay Jarrett out with the Blockbuster, only to have Steiner come in for the DQ. It was energetic while it lasted but as always, the NWO kills anything interesting.

The NWO goes after Hennig’s arm as the bell rings for about a minute straight.

Hogan tells Jimmy Hart to get Bill Busch to make the match with Sid no matter what it takes.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Hulk Hogan

Dustin stomps Hogan down as he comes into the ring and chokes with a t-shirt. You know, because that’s worked so well over the years. Rhodes pounds away even more and uppercuts Hogan to cut off a comeback. They head outside with Hogan being thrown onto the announcers’ table, knocking out commentary. Back in and Dustin hits a chinlock as this is already dying. The hold stays on for nearly two minutes before Hogan’s arm stays up. A clothesline gets two on Hogan and it’s Hulk Up time. The big boot misses though and Dustin scores with another clothesline, followed by a cowbell shot to the head for the DQ.

Rating: F. The match ran six minutes and the chinlock was a third of that time. And for what? To build up Dustin Rhodes as a threat? I mean, well done on building up someone new, but Dustin Rhodes as the evil cowboy is the best idea you have? This company deserves to go under if this is their top idea.

Dustin leaves but Nick Patrick says we’re not done yet. Rhodes called Hogan out so he has a ten count to get back in or it’s $10,000 and a potential suspension. He gets back in, clubs Hogan twice…..and then eats the big boot and legdrop for the pin to end the show.

Oh screw you WCW. You go out of your way with that bad of a match to set up Dustin as some kind of a threat and THIRTY SECONDS later he’s jobbing to the big boot and legdrop. That’s the big reason WCW is in the place it’s in at this point: because they can’t just let someone look bad for a minute before they get their heat back because it might ruin whatever. Good grief it’s not going to kill Hogan to wait until Monday, when he’ll be in ANOTHER World Title program to get his win back, where he might even be able to make some money with Dustin in a rematch.

Overall Rating: D. This one had some promise to it and then came crashing down in the last hour and a half. That doesn’t sound horrible but keep in mind that this is just a two hour show. The stupid matches that no one wanted to see and Hogan making sure that no one got over for more than thirty seconds because Hogan must look strong. That reboot is looking better by the second as maybe SOMEONE under can come in and get some significant airtime. Except Jarrett of course.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro – March 6, 2000: Oh Dear. Oh Dear Indeed.

Monday Nitro #230
Date: March 6, 2000
Location: Student Activities Center, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Attendance: 4,682
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

We’re getting closer to the horror that is Uncensored 2000 and Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious. Both guys are talented and have their place on the card, but the main event isn’t the right spot for either of them, especially coming off HHH vs. Foley and transitioning into HHH vs. Rock. Other than that, since we’re in North Carolina, you can pencil in Flair for a loss or some sort of humiliation. Let’s get to it.

We open in the back with Fit Finlay choking Vampiro after promising to teach him some respect last week. Vampiro fights back but we cut to the arena for some pyro.

Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi

Juventud Guerrera is out with Psychosis for his Rock stuff and promises to live la vida loca. Kaz quickly knocks Psychosis to the floor and dives onto both guys for a nice spot. Back in and a dropkick puts Psychosis (Madden keeps calling him Psycho) down again and a spinwheel kick fires Kaz up even more. This is more emotion than I’ve seen from him in a long time.

Psychosis grabs a quick gordbuster as Juvy sits on the apron. Cue Finlay and Vampiro to fight at ringside and then into the ring to really wake the crowd up. Psychosis’ top rope hurricanrana gets two but here are Paisley and the Artist etc to watch. Kaz gets dropkicked out of the air and takes the guillotine legdrop for no cover. Instead Prince gets on the apron and hits Psychosis with the belt, giving Kaz a rollup pin.

Rating: C. Yeah it was an overbooked mess, but it was a fun overbooked mess and that’s a good way to open a show. Kaz looked like a guy who was trying to make something of his TV time and I can never fault someone for doing that. It’s not a great match and Prince is still an anchor holding the division down, but this was the fast paced, fun match the division has been missing.

Psychosis and Juvy beat Prince down post match.

We look back at Jarrett pinning Vampiro last week.

Tonight’s main event: Sid/Vampiro vs. Jarrett/Don Harris. I’m digging these young guys getting main event slots but good grief the heels are dragging these things down.

Security finally breaks up Vampiro and Finlay, ten minutes after we first saw them fighting.

The NWO, in a room with couches and black walls, laugh off the idea of facing Vampiro tonight.

Disco and the Mamalukes aren’t worried about the Harris Twins. Johnny is swearing off cheese sandwiches until Uncensored and Vito is taking out Ron Harris tonight.

Vampiro is beating up various trashcans backstage.

Ricki Rachman and the Nitro Girls were at Duke University on Friday. This eats up far more time than it should. To their credit there was some money given to a children’s hospital so at least some good came from it.

Ron Harris vs. Big Vito

Harris stomps him down to start but Vito kicks him in the face. Tony: “Would you call that a Mafia Kick?” Madden: “I’d call it an Italian American Heritage Kick.” The Twins quickly switch places and Don hits Vito with a chain for the pin in less than a minute.

And never mind as instant replay shows the cheating and Vito wins. Disco and the champs take H Bombs until the Power Plant security guards and a cop come out and get beaten down as well.

David Flair, on his 21st birthday, is going to beat up the Wall for hurting Crowbar on Thunder. That was one heck of a chokeslam through the table.

The Harris Twins are arrested for shoving the cop. I’m not sure why they both are when only one touched the cop but it’s wrestling logic.

The official tagline for Sid vs. Jarrett at Uncensored: the monster against the music. This is getting higher and higher on the list of horrible WCW ideas every single week.

The Wall vs. David Flair

Wall throws him to the floor to start and puts up a pair of tables. Daffney distracts Wall with screams, allowing David to hit him in the back with a crowbar. The metal rod to the back is no sold and David gets chokeslammed through both tables for the DQ.

Daffney cries over how hurt David may be. Trainers come out, as do Curt Hennig, Terry Funk and Arn Anderson. Curt says David’s old man should have been here. Ric was shown in the back earlier.

Back from a break with David being taken away on a stretcher. Bam Bam Bigelow yells at Wall for taking it too far so Wall hits him once, knocking him onto a table. Bigelow implied that he trained/mentored Wall before getting knocked six feet off a single punch.

The Dog vs. Evan Karagias

I’ve wondered this forever, but why in the world is Brian Knobbs’ theme music a rock version of My Sharona? Dog beats up all three members of 3 Count but gets triple teamed, drawing in Knobbs and Finlay. It’s eventually just Dog in the ring, leaving everyone else to mindlessly fight outside. Dog hits a running splash on Evan and then bites his ear. Finlay throws Evan into the barricade and we see Dog’s red eyes. All six get in again until Knobbs helps Dog with a middle rope powerslam to pin Evan.

Rating: N/A. It was long enough to rate but this was such a mess and the two people actually in the match were only together in the ring for about half the time. Much like the Tag Team Title feud, this isn’t interesting but at least it’s a feud that can be simply explained. That doesn’t make it good, but it makes sense which is more than you can say about a lot of stuff around here.

Ric Flair says his son is a big boy and can take care of himself. He’s ready for Hennig again tonight.

Jarrett yells at his three NWO girls about the situation tonight.

Nitro Girls for the first time in a long while.

Sid begs Vampiro to help him fight tonight. Vampiro says he’ll be there.

Here are Jarrett and the girls with something to say. Jeff ejects the girls (who now have names: Kim, Tylene and Midajah) and says tonight there was a travesty of justice. The Twins are gone, but Jeff has a replacement: The Wall. Again, well done on putting young guys in big spots, and for once that’s not sarcasm.

2XS (Lane and Idol) are on the phone but Idol says he lives here now so he’s over with the rats. They see Demon’s coffin and have an idea.

Curt Hennig vs. Ric Flair

Please give them time. Flair rips on the UNC Tar Heels basketball team and thinks they should be wrestling at Duke (UNC’s major rival) tonight instead. Curt chops away in the corner to start and gives Ric a backdrop as only Flair can take one. They head outside with Flair striking away until Hennig chops him against the barricade. Back in and Flair goes…well he goes Flair actually as he suckers Hennig into the corner for a low blow.

More chops on the floor have Curt in more trouble as the idea is Flair being more aggressive than usual because of Hogan. So yeah, we’re back to the RIC IS CRAZY because of Hogan idea from 1994. After some stomps to the leg, the Figure Four goes on but Hennig turns it over as you would expect him to do. They’re not exactly blowing the roof off the place here. Hennig makes his comeback but has to deal with Luger, followed by a quick PerfectPlex for the pin on Flair.

Rating: C. Totally acceptable match here but that’s par for the course from these two. Hennig vs. Flair is always good for a decent match and it’s nice to see an older guy like Flair still trying around here. Luger and Flair are a good enough heel team, but Luger is so worthless these days and it’s killing whatever good Flair brings to it.

Hennig’s arm gets broken but Arn Anderson comes out to stand over him. Luger pulls the bat back to hit him but Flair shakes his head no and Lex drops it.

Lane and Idol weld the Demon’s casket shut, because WCW catering now has blowtorches if you get the meal deal special. Demon comes up but gets beaten down because WCW isn’t scared of a lawsuit.

More Nitro Party stuff.

Hennig is taken into an ambulance.

Flair and Luger brag and Liz looks especially gorgeous here.

Lane vs. Norman Smiley

Idol is on commentary as Norman starts with some dancing. A victory roll doesn’t work so well and Smiley is sent outside, where Lane takes him down with a big flip dive. Back in and Lane gets slammed down but breaks up the Big Wiggle with a low blow. As usual, the referee sees this and doesn’t seem to care. Lane misses a moonsault (landing on his head) to set up Norman’s giant swing. Cue Miss Hancock to get on the table but she doesn’t dance. The distraction is enough for the Norman’s Conquest to make Lane tap out in a hurry.

Demon comes out to beat up Lane and Idol but gets in a staredown with Norman. Sure why not.

Sid promises to win at Uncensored.

An angry Tank Abbott is in the ring and doesn’t care for the GOLDBERG chants. He isn’t worried about Sid either because he only tapped because WCW was taking him off TV. Tank isn’t leaving until he gets a match.

Tank Abbott vs. La Parka

One punch knockout. I’m so glad La Parka was given a winning streak over the last few weeks.

Doug Dillinger won’t get Tank out of the ring so here’s Meng, but JJ Dillon threatens to dock him 60 days pay if he gets in. Nothing comes of this because having a fun segment isn’t something WCW will tolerate on their television shows.

Nitro Girls again.

Hogan, in a pre-taped interview, has signed release notes for the Yappapi Strap Match against Flair. He goes over the mindset behind the match and promises to strap Flair over and over. This was an old school promo but this isn’t an old school show.

Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

Kidman says he has a partner but gets beaten down before he can bring anyone down. After about thirty seconds of beating, here’s Booker to even things up. Booker cleans house but the double teaming gets to him as this actually breaks down into a tag match. Everything breaks down and there’s a Book End on Big T. with Kidman dropping a top rope elbow but Cash (or is it Cass?) pulls the referee to the floor. Stevie hits something on Kidman off camera for the pin, because pulling the referee to the floor isn’t a DQ in WCW. I think the better question is what IS a DQ in this company these days.

Here’s Dustin Rhodes with some barbed wire (clearly not real) and something to say. He knocks Terry Funk unconscious two weeks ago but Funk got up and kept coming because he’s a stupid old man. Dustin rips on the internet fans and says he’s ready to make Terry bleed tonight.

After we don’t hear the end of “you people s….” because SUCK of all things is censored, Terry Funk comes out to call Dustin a chicken. He imitates Foghorn Leghorn of all things and says he has Dustin’s illegitimate brother in a garbage bag. Inside the bag is a plucked chicken wearing a diaper because why not. Terry thinks Dustin wants a barbed wire match so Dustin throws powder in his face and piledrives him. The threat of a powerbomb makes Funk come back with a low blow and a slam onto the wire.

Jeff Jarrett/The Wall vs. Sid Vicious/Vampiro

Before the match, Jeff ejects the girls again. Tony makes the big announcement for Sting vs. Luger: it’s a lumberjack cast match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken will surround the ring. It’s a brawl to start with the big guys fighting out to the floor. We settle down to Vampiro working on Wall’s arm until Jeff gets in a cheap shot from the apron to change control.

Jeff comes in and works over Vampiro with that riveting Memphis style of his until Vampiro plants him with a Rock Bottom. The hot tag brings in Sid to clean house and chokeslam Jeff, but Wall breaks it up. Sid clotheslines Jarrett to the floor and the big guys grab each other by the throat, only to have Jarrett sneak in with the guitar to Sid. Wall chokeslams Sid and Jeff gets the pin to end the show.

Rating: D. I really didn’t care for this one but it’s nice to see someone like Wall getting a spot here. Vampiro was really just kind of there but it’s always cool to see the youth movement finally going somewhere. Unfortunately it ends with Jeff pinning Sid again to set up the lame World Title match down the line, but that’s WCW for you.

Overall Rating: D+. As boring as the main event stuff has been lately, this really wasn’t a bad show. They’re building up some coherent stories and the young guys are getting some higher spots on the card, which makes for a show that actually entertains at points. Now don’t get me wrong: it’s still really boring and the idea of Uncensored makes me cringe, but this has been a major upgrade over the last few months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro – February 21, 2000: I’ll Take Silver Linings Where I Can Get Them

Monday Nitro #228
Date: February 21, 2000
Location: Arco Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 9,408
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s the night after SuperBrawl and almost nothing has changed. That’s about as close to the truth as you can get here as no titles changed hands, unless you count a tournament final for a new champion. The big story continues to be Hogan/Sting vs. Flair/Luger as we’re back in the earliest days of this show, minus Randy Savage. Let’s get to it.

Quick recap, with clips instead of stills. Yeah even WCW knows no one was buying the replay.

The NWO, all three of them, arrive. Jarrett promises to get the title by the end of the night but doesn’t even have the US Title on him.

Gene tries to bring out Hulk Hogan to start but here’s Luger instead. Luger calls out anyone that cares about this business to match his physique and yells about the lack of respect. He keeps ranting about Hogan’s arm being broken so here’s Hulk with something to say. Hulk was tired about hearing Luger wanting a next time, so how about that next time being tonight? Oh and there’s a cage above the ring in case someone wanted a challenge, so the rematch is on.

The announcers run down the card for tonight. I can get this on a TV show, but the pay per view version still makes no sense.

Here’s the NWO as the announcers talk about James Brown. That’s still a sore subject guys. Jarrett is tired of being screwed but has a contract saying he’s guaranteed a rematch in case he didn’t leave SuperBrawl with the title. Jarrett says Nash signed that contract, which might be due to the concussion from the guitar shot last week. One last thing: the Harris Brothers are going to be going after anyone Jarrett picks tonight. Great. Another boring team running rampant all night. Can you really still call these guys the NWO when none of them wear NWO gear?

Sid arrives, sans bags or title.

Kidman can’t find his camera.

Madusa looks at the card for tonight and is annoyed that she isn’t on it. She rants about Oklahoma because we need a recap and breaks the board as she shouts about wanting a women’s division. Apparently this is all Oklahoma’s fault.

Kidman vs. Lash Leroux

They trade some flips to start as the announcers debate if Jarrett’s document is valid. It’s going to be one of those stories isn’t it? Speaking of one of those, it’s one of those nights as the Twins come in and destroy Kidman and Leroux. I’m so glad to see Kidman being rewarded for his awesome work recently.

Whoever has stolen the KidCam films Buff Bagwell hitting on Symphony and ripping on Maestro. She turns him down so he says this never happened.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

During the entrances, Tony shills the WCW Magazine, featuring a profile on NWO 2000, complete with Nash and Bret. Finlay blocks an early spinwheel kick and hits Vampiro with his cast. They head outside as Tony promises a ruling on the Jarrett situation next segment. I wait with bated breath. On top of that, the cage match will be last man standing. Heaven forbid Luger take two falls in two days.

Finlay hits him in the throat with a chair and of course the referee is fine with it. Back in and Finlay puts on a half crab of all things but he’s no Lance Storm, meaning Vampiro easily escapes and hits a top rope spinwheel kick, followed by Finlay missing a charge into the post to give Vampiro the rollup pin.

Rating: D. Why do we even have referees at this point? A cast shot and a chair to the throat aren’t enough to draw a DQ? Vampiro does seem like someone who is getting a push, which makes me wonder why he didn’t go over Kidman last night. At least he’s walking after that semi-botched reverse tornado DDT or whatever it was.

Maestro jumps Buff and we’ve got a match for later.

Madusa whispers something to La Parka. He says si.

Booker is upset that he’s lost so many things in his life but he wants Stevie Ray to know that it’s over.

Booker vs. Big Vito

Before the match, Disco has an offer for Booker: he can fight a handicap match for the Tag Team Titles. A right hand seems to be a yes and we’re on.

Tag Team Titles: Booker vs. Mamalukes

The team takes over on the outside until it’s Vito taking over inside, only to have Booker kick both of them down. The Spinarooni sets up the side kick but Disco crotches Booker on the top for the DQ. What in the world was the point of the handicap match if that’s how it was ending?

The Harris Twins come in and clean house.

Terry Funk, with Dustin Rhodes behind him, says you can’t keep him down when he has someone like Rhodes in his corner. Dustin is tougher than his dad and tonight they’ll take care of, who else, the Harris Twins. Rhodes says he would bet on the two of the and tonight the Twins bite the dust. Even if they do, it won’t be a disqualification.

Main event stills.

Sid is livid about something he saw.

Harlem Heat, with Big T. all in pink for reasons I’m not interested in, says that’s what happens to someone like Booker when they turn their back on everyone. Biggs says they have all the royalties now. The new member, formerly known as 4×4, is dubbed Cassius. This would be a better reveal if Madden hadn’t said the name in a throwaway line earlier.

Cruiserweight Title: La Parka vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea

The Artist is defending and Oklahoma is on commentary. I’m not even going to wait on this one: La Parka is Madusa. You know it, I know it, and thankfully they make no attempt to hide it. More importantly than that though, I really don’t want to know what Madusa agreed to in order to get that suit, or what La Parka looks like in Madusa’s gear, which he must be wearing at the moment.

Oklahoma gets in the ring and rips the mask off to shock no one. She slaps at Oklahoma because she’s forgotten she knows martial arts, but here’s the real La Parka to hit Oklahoma with a chair. That earns him a middle rope DDT from the pin from the Prince because somehow, that was still a match.

Flair rants about Hogan as Luger warms up.

Terry Funk/Dustin Rhodes vs. Harris Brothers

They’re a team now for reasons. Jarrett jumps in on commentary as the Twins take over to start. Ron slugs Funk down and gets two off an elbow drop as Dustin plays cheerleader. At least he’s not in the 99 Goldust attire at the time. A slam gets two more as I’m thinking having the Twins just run in and hurt people is better than sitting through them wrestle.

The Twins start switching as they’re wearing the same clothes and does it really matter? Well, it does if you’re fighting for the World Title but we won’t hear about that on TV anyway. Terry takes over on Don and puts on the toehold but a Jarrett distraction breaks it up. Sid comes out to chase Jeff away, but not before he knocks out a security guard. We follow the chase to the back and come back to Dustin coming in and turning on Funk. That’s enough of the match so we cut to Jarrett getting in the car. Back to Rhodes wearing Terry out with a chair and that’s the DQ.

Rating: D-. This is going to be the Harris Twins’ show and that wouldn’t fly even in Memphis. Rhodes vs. Funk is as close as we’re going to get to a young guy getting a rub right now so I guess I should be happy, but Dustin on his own is one of the least interesting characters in wrestling. You can see the bullrope match coming from here.

Dustin wears him out even more until the referees break it up.

Buff is ready for Maestro and basically blames the match on Symphony.

Dustin beats up Terry again and steals the ambulance.

Gene says Dustin is on the same route Jarrett is in. I know Gene is good but being able to tell where Jarrett went when he pulled out of a parking lot is impressive.

Sid comes out and says he’ll give Jeff the rematch at Uncensored. He treats this as far more serious than he should.

Kidman and Booker want to fight the Twins.

Ric thinks Dustin did the right thing and wants to send a message to Hogan.

Buff Bagwell vs. Maestro

Maestro, the angry one, gets beaten up to start and the fans seem to approve. Buff slugs him to the mat and runs outside to hit on Symphony, but Maestro knocks her over by mistake. Maestro doesn’t seem to mind as he hammers away, only to have Cat come out for a distraction, allowing Bagwell to hit the Blockbuster for the pin.

Miller isn’t done yet though as he comes to the ring and talks about the bet that Maestro set up. Due to Brown being there, Maestro has to listen to whatever music Miller picks, which is some loud rap music. Maestro goes nuts and beats up Billy Silverman until the music goes off, which calms him back down. I haven’t mentioned it yet but Maestro is the nephew of the original Gorgeous George and you can see the talent there. It really is hit and miss with different families.

Chae and Tygress dance in cages.

We see Hacksaw Jim Duggan as TV Champion on Saturday Night after pulling the title belt out of the trash. Anyone was allowed to challenge him, so Robert Gibson of all people came out and got beat. Steven Regal came out and asked for a shot after the match and Duggan accepted for next week with Regal’s career on the line. I’d be stunned if Saturday Night was ever mentioned on Nitro again.

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Wall jumps him from behind, which is becoming way too common these days. Bigelow is sent into the post and Wall starts on the arm of all things. They get inside with Wall kicking him in the face and stomping away on the mat. A middle rope legdrop misses though as the announcers actually talk about the match. The top rope headbutt gets two for Bam Bam and a belly to back gets the same. They’re playing up the idea that Wall won’t stay down. Another belly to back puts Wall down but he pops to his feet and chokeslams Wall off the top for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was the junk you would expect but they’re doing a good job of setting Wall up for someone to stop. Naturally I’m expecting some old guy to get the win and the whole thing to be a waste of time, but it’s always cool to see someone getting a push like this. Of course this is assuming you ignore Jim Duggan beating him at house shows around this time.

Hogan is behind a piece of cage and screaming for Luger.

Ric wants to fight Arn Anderson. Arn just sitting there staring at him is perfect, as you can imagine Arn doing that to Ric in a thousand bars over the years.

Hogan is ready for Luger and talks about exorcisms for some reason. He still tries to say he’s a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid, but regular Hulk cheats like Hollywood did so no one can tell the difference. Hogan is very glad Sting was there last night, but tonight it’s one on one.

Luger and Flair beat up Jimmy Hart and drag him to the ring for the main event.

Total Package vs. Hulk Hogan

Last man standing in a cage. Back from a break with Luger and Flair beating Hart up at ringside. Some friend Hogan is as he waits for the show to come back to run out for the save. Hulk cleans house with a chair until Ric gets in a low blow. Luger chairs him down and we’re still waiting on them to get inside the cage. They finally get in with Luger stomping away, because that has worked so well on Hogan over the years.

As I finish typing that, Hogan gets up and punches Luger down before ramming him into the buckle ten straight times. Such total devastation! Luger sends him into the cage to take over and the fans actually boo for a change. A bunch of elbows allow Luger to mock Hogan’s posing (oh geez, MOCKING HULK HOGAN???) before hitting the same suplex that triggered the Hulk Up last night.

This time it’s enough to set up the Rack but Luger drops him down and I think you know what’s coming. Flair comes back down (he left?) as Hogan hits the legdrop. The chops that have never worked on Hogan still don’t work and the beating is on. Luger gets in a chair shot to put Hogan down and a bunch of stomping (plus breaking Doug Dillinger’s arm) ends the show. No winner, or Sting for that matter.

Rating: D. Just like last night, this was lame stuff but at least Luger did his big move before the Hulk Up. I really don’t know why this feud needs to continue but I’m assuming we’re getting Hogan vs. Flair AGAIN at Uncensored. The last man standing rule was just a way to prevent Luger from losing while Flair got down there, which could have easily been avoided by having Flair run down during the Hulking Up, but why go simple when you can go complicated.

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t know if it was just the energy but I liked this show a bit better than the last few editions. It’s still a horrible show but at least they were moving around and keeping things from getting boring. That being said, the Jarrett/Harris tandem has hit their ceiling and now we’re going to get to wait until Uncensored to get to anything new. However, speaking of new, there is one thing I like: Booker and Kidman teaming together to fight the Harris Twins. It’s nothing great, but it’s a nice step up for Kidman and ANYTHING other than the Harlem Heat feud for Booker. I’ll take silver linings where I can get them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Thunder – February 16, 2000: Split Personality Hogan

Thunder
Date: February 16, 2000
Location: First Union Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 5,586
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

It’s the go home show for SuperBrawl and the old guys abound. The big stories here are Hogan vs. Luger and Flair vs. Funk, one of which I can’t imagine appearing tonight because he’s worked the last two shows in a row. Other than that we get to find out if Prince Iaukea or Psychosis gets to fight Lash Leroux for the Cruiserweight Title. I continue to beg WCW to hire some fresh talent before too late sounds like great days gone by. Let’s get to it.

There’s a new opening sequence, which is a bit better looking than the previous one. This at least has more wrestling clips included.

Here’s executive representative Terry Taylor to open things up. Jeff Jarrett has been hitting too many people with guitars lately and Sid got into a fight with Hall in a hotel (meaning Hall got drunk/high on a flight, so he’s gone for a bit). Sid has volunteered to leave the building for the night as a result, which scares me to think about what could be headlining this show. Cue Jarrett to complain about people screwing with him and promises to take care of Sid and Hall on Sunday. Taylor takes a guitar and spray paint, which is going to get Jarrett over as the huge heel everyone knows he’s capable of being right?

Card rundown.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kaz Hayashi

Kaz is substituting for an injured Psychosis and the winner gets Lash Leroux on Sunday. Prince punches away in the middle and in the corner to start as Miss Hancock is here to watch. The punches go nowhere so Kaz hits a clothesline and punches of his own. A spinwheel kick drops Prince again but it’s time for the girls to get into it. That earns Hancock an ejection, allowing us to completely focus on this boring match. Prince avoids a backdrop and slaps Kaz in the face, followed by a dragon screw leg whip. The cool middle rope DDT sends Prince to the finals after a boring match.

Nash isn’t happy with Jarrett attacking Taylor.

Norman Smiley vs. The Wall

Smiley is rocking the Flyers gear this week. Wall no sells some clotheslines and kicks Norman square in the jaw, putting him out to the floor. That would be a better finisher than yet another person using a chokeslam. Norman whips him into the barricade but Wall shrugs it off again and plants him with a backbreaker. He may be a comedy guy but Norman can sell this power offense very well. Wall misses a sitdown splash and Norman comes back with his usual, only to dive off the middle rope into the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. Bad result aside, it was always entertaining to see Norman out there doing his thing. What isn’t entertaining though is to see the same waste of a talent like Smiley for the sake of pushing some monster like Wall. However, at least Wall is someone young (33 here) getting a push. It’s better than the norm around here.

Norman gets chokeslammed through a table and EMTs come out to check on him.

Tank Abbott vs. Van Hammer

Tank wins with the usual in 45 seconds. Are they trying to recreate Goldberg?

Kidman yells at Vampiro backstage.

DDP book plug.

Nash hits on his nurses.

Here are Luger and Liz with something to say. Luger has turned the two of them into stars when he broke Hogan’s arm on Monday (not when he won the World Title or anything). He doesn’t need to brag about his incredible body because he has a new partner in Ric Flair. This brings out Ric, who shouts down fat boys and insults the Philadelphia fans by saying he and Luger are real athletes unlike Eric Lindros.

After some bragging about hurting Funk, here are Terry and Dustin Rhodes to say this is hardcore country. Ah yes, it had been a few weeks since they had used ECW to get their boring shows over. Funk says Dustin is better than his daddy and a challenge for a tag match is thrown down. Even the promos to set up the main events are boring.

The Mamalukes want to hurt David and Crowbar on Sunday. They’re Italians you see.

Harris Brothers vs. Kidman/Vampiro

Vampiro has new music but the Twins are a little bit country and jump him to start. A quick kick to the face staggers Ron and the hot tag brings in Kidman to dive onto both of them. Vampiro isn’t paying attention when Kidman tags him in though as these two guys, who spent weeks fighting, amazingly can’t get along.

Ron side slams Vampiro to take over before it’s off to Don for a Rock Bottom and powerslam. A chinlock goes nowhere so Vampiro comes back with a spinwheel kick and makes the tag. Kidman cleans house and hits his Bodog as Vampiro walks out, only to come back and take a chair that was aimed at Kidman, giving Don the pin.

Rating: D+. Can we just have Vampiro and Kidman fight again so we can get this over with? Maybe one of them can move up the ladder a bit as a result, but I’d assume they’ll be thrown into another meaningless midcard feud because they’re talented enough to put some worry into the people on top, who are guaranteed their spots because they’re the top stars.

Big Vito vs. Crowbar

Street fight. In the back, the Mamalukes jump Crowbar and lock David and Daffney in their locker room. Who would give those two a locker room? Couldn’t you put them in a storage closet and let them have fun there instead? Vito backdrops Crowbar onto a car but Crowbar does the same off a suplex and drops a leg for two. Daffney has escaped the room and is throwing what appear to be vegetables at the guys. Vito stomps away, throws Crowbar into a car and drops an elbow (just a regular elbow) for the pin. So much for that going anywhere.

Nash continues to hit on the nurses.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

Mark Johnson vs. Mickie Jay

Yes they’re referees and yes, this is getting time instead of any of those young wrestlers who might benefit from a TV match. Mark, the evil crooked one, jumps Mickie from behind and wraps his leg around the post. Back in and more knee work sets up a middle rope elbow but Mark only hits mat. Cue the Harris Brothers to distract the referee, allowing the other to kick Mickie down for the pin. If this is the best use of their TV time, cancel Thunder already.

Fit Finlay vs. Brian Knobbs

This is a cast match before both guys have broken arms and Jimmy Hart, with a broken arm of his own, is guest referee. They’re quickly on the floor with Knobbs being sent arm first into the steps before the brawl goes into the crowd. Since you can’t see anything they quickly come back with Brian being sent into various metal objects. The Regal Roll gets two but Jimmy hurts his arm slapping the mat on the count. Finlay gets in a quick cast shot for the pin with Jimmy using the good arm to count. Another meaningless match with a #1 contender losing.

Jarrett is ticked off. As always.

We recap Hogan’s arm being broken.

In a pre-taped promo, Hogan talks about transforming into Hollywood and wanting to break Liz in half. I’ll let that one speak for itself, but my goodness drop the Hollywood character.

Dustin Rhodes/Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair/Total Package

Funk and Flair get things going with Terry taking him down for some left hands to the head. Everything quickly breaks down and Luger has to save Flair from a piledriver through the table. Back in again and Flair hits Terry low to take over. That’s fine with Terry who slams Ric off the top and loads up the spinning toe hold, only to have Luger make another save.

The heels finally start cutting the ring off and take over as I try to fathom who thought letting Terry Funk work the majority of the match was the right idea. Terry and Lex clothesline each other and Dustin comes in off the hot tag. Everything breaks down again and Liz hits Dustin with the ball bat, allowing Flair to Figure Four him for the pin.

Rating: F. This was the best idea they possibly had? Flair and Luger are a decent enough team as an upper midcard heel act, but Funk is killing it. I know he’s a legend and all that, but it’s getting embarrassing to watch his slow motion punches and expecting the fans to think they’re impressive.

Funk saves Dustin from more beatings.

Nash bans the Twins from SuperBrawl and gets guitared to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Unless I’m forgetting something, which is possible as the levels of boredom on this show might have melted my brain, the only thing on here that is going to matter on Sunday is Prince beating Hayashi to go to the finals of the Cruiserweight Title tournament. This show means nothing and their match selection and booking of the card made it even worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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New Column: This Has Nothing To Do With The Mafia

But it has something to do with Dusty Rhodes.

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-nothing-mafia/36363/




Repost: Wrestler of the Day – July 4: Dusty Rhodes

On the Fourth of July, who better than the American Dream? Today is Dusty Rhodes.

Dusty got his start in 1968 but we’ll join him in 1977 as a big star who is visiting the WWF. From MSG on December 19, 1977.

Stan Stasiak vs. Dusty Rhodes

Ok we’ve heard FOREVER about Dusty being a different kind of worker in the 70s. Let’s see if that’s legit. Stasiak was world champion for like 8 days and no one remembers it at all. His son is more famous as Meat/Shawn Stasiak in WWF. Rhodes is borderline thin here too which is odd. Dusty isn’t popular here but isn’t really hated either. He does his stupid dancing stuff to get out of a hold and then just ducks his head out of it. Well that was either brilliant or idiotic.

What is with so many people using wristlocks tonight? Stasiak is a very ugly man. Rhodes blocks the Heart Punch and starts busting out the elbows. I wonder if he ever hurt himself doing that. We hit a facelock and waste some more time. This is pretty weak to say the least.

The future fat man busts out some punches and hits, you guessed it, a chinlock. DO SOMETHING! I MEAN DO ANYTHING! Dusty drops an elbow and Stasiak is in trouble. Heart Punch misses again and Dusty pounds on the hand. If you didn’t get it the first three times they do it two more times before a pair of elbows from Dusty ends it. Can he do ANYTHING else? At least it’s over.

Rating: F+. Oh MAN this was boring. Dusty used a ton of rest holds. Yeah I’m stunned too. This never went anywhere at all and needed to be about half as long. This got 12 minutes and never was any good. Dusty is boring as all goodness and Stasiak wasn’t helping anything at all. At least it’s over though.

Another MSG match from August 28, 1978.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Billy Graham

This is a Texas Bullrope match and it’s pin or not being able to answer an 8 (yes 8) count. Jay Strongbow is referee for some reason. Graham doesn’t want to be tied up so Strongbow grabs him and ties him up anyway. Graham keeps running and Dusty keeps pulling him in. The elbow to the head puts Graham down and he tries to run again. Another elbow stuns Graham but he rakes the eyes to get a break.

Dusty gets choked by the rope but Billy misses an elbow drop. The Dream is busted open and Graham hooks his bearhug. That doesn’t last long for some reason so Billy goes up top. That’s REALLY FREAKING STUPID in a bullrope match as Dusty pulls him down to the mat. Billy is busted too and Dusty pounds away. Apparently this is the rubber match in a series. Graham comes back but Strongbow breaks it up for some reason. Dusty elbows him in the head and that’s enough for the 8 count and the win. That was a really abrupt ending.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but unfortunately that wasn’t too long. There’s something cool about letting two guys beat the stuffing out of each other and that’s what happened here. I still don’t get what Strongbow had to do with this but maybe it was Graham’s next feud. Dusty never did much in the WWF but he did enough elsewhere to make up for it.

One last time at the Garden on December 17, 1979.

NWA World Title: Harley Race vs. Dusty Rhodes

Why am I not thrilled to see this? Race is champion here. Rhodes is listed as 261 pounds. That’s just hilarious. Race had the title and then Dusty beat him for it and vice versa, leading to the rubber match here. Dusty hits his elbow drop for two because it’s not the end of the match and since IT’S AN ELBOW DROP it doesn’t work here. This was back in the final days of the WWF being in the NWA so these wouldn’t happen much more often.

This is fairly basic and Vince keeps trying to tell us how great Rhodes is in the ring. On the mic yes but in the ring not so much. They fight over a suplex and this is definitely a different style than the rest of the show has been as it’s a more NWA style of slow building. Race is bleeding from the head. Race gets launched to the floor as this thankfully picks up something resembling steam.

Dusty hits a piledriver but the feet are on the ropes again. Race comes back with his standard stuff as this is pretty clearly coming to a close. Dusty makes his comeback which lasts about 8 seconds. Race drops a bunch of knees and Dusty is busted open too. His is a lot worse than Race’s though. Dusty makes his real comeback but the referee stops it because of his cut for a CHEAP finish. LOUD bull chant afterwards.

Rating: C. This was boring as all goodness for the most part but it picked up a lot near the end. The finish was clearly going to be screwy but I can live with that as this was just a token title defense. Also that means Race wins here instead of a draw or a no contest. Nothing great at all here but pretty watchable.

Here’s Dusty in Mid-South in 1983.

Dusty Rhodes vs. King Kong Bundy

This is a taped fist match in the New Orleans Superdome. Dusty gets pounded down to start as Bundy uses a wide variety of forearms to the back. Some big right hands put Bundy down and Dusty goes up top. A big shot to Bundy knocks him into the referee, drawing in Ted DiBiase to throw in a foreign object to knock Rhodes silly. The referee gets back up and Dusty Bundy answers a ten count for the win.

Rating: D. Dull match with a bad ending, especially when the match was billed as No DQ. Why bother having the referee get bumped when Ted’s cheating was legal? To be fair that’s a trope of wrestling but it doesn’t make a ton of sense. Nothing to see here either as this was really short.

It was soon off to the NWA and Dusty becoming the biggest face in the world. After challenging the winner of the main event of Starrcade 1983, Dusty would get his shot at Starrcade 1984.

NWA World Title: Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair

Dusty is challenging and the winner gets $1 million. Flair is in pink and Dusty is in purple here which is a weird sight to say the least. Remember Joe Frazier is guest referee. Oh and Dusty is one half of the world tag team champions. Flair is the face here due to the hometown crowd but would be turning heel very soon. Thankfully only Dusty’s robe was purple and he has black trunks underneath. Dusty backs him into the corner to start and runs Flair over with a shoulder block. Off to a headlock by Big Dust before Flair takes him into the corner.

They trade punches and chops with Dusty taking over again with a headlock. We hear about Dusty trying pro football but not liking the team aspect of it. That’s hilarious when you think about it. Some elbows take Flair down as this has been almost all Rhodes so far. Ric goes to the eyes to escape and drops a knee to the head for two. Dusty will have none of this selling stuff though and puts on his terrible Figure Four.

Flair gets to the rope so it’s time for Dusty to lay on Flair’s leg for a bit. We’re five minutes in according to the ring announcer and Dusty puts on a top wristlock. Flair takes it into the corner as this is still going slowly. A bad press slam puts Flair down and Dusty chops away for no cover. Dusty pounds away in the corner and sends Flair into the corner for the Flair Flip. Frazier tries to break up a suplex back into the ring by Dusty but Rhodes does it anyway for a very slow two.

Flair elbows him in the face to take Dusty down, only to go up and get slammed down. Even in 1984 that didn’t work at all. The champion puts on a sleeper but since standing up is too much for Dusty, he rolls forward and sends Flair to the floor. They head to the floor for some brawling and Dusty goes into the post, busting him open. Oh man it’s a BAD one too, right above Rhodes’ eye. The referee looks at it but Flair starts pounding away at the cut, and that’s good enough for Frazier to stop the match. Seriously. In the main event of Starrcade.

Rating: D+. What a perfect way to end a terrible show. The match never got going and it doesn’t even reach thirteen minutes in total. What kind of an ending is that anyway? Here’s how you end this match if that’s what you’re going to do: have Flair either DESTROY Dusty to the point where Frazier stops it to save Dusty’s career or have Dusty blacking out from blood loss. Dusty was up and throwing punches when the match was stopped, making it look like a technicality than anything significant.

Here’s the rematch from Starrcade 1985.

NWA World Title: Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair

This is the rematch from last year, but this time with a much better story. Dusty had his ankle broken by Flair and the Andersons after saving Flair from the Russians. Leading up to this, Dusty gave one of the greatest promos of all time, as he talked about how Flair and the Andersons put hard times on the American Dream. Dusty talked about how the people of the country were in hard times and he would be the man that would fight for them and stop people like Ric Flair at Starrcade. It’s arguably the best speech in wrestling and is still talked about twenty seven years later.

Flair is defending and this is the definition of a main event. Dusty is introduced at 275lbs, which is what The Rock was billed at for many years. For some reason I think they’re lying about Dusty’s weight here. Rhodes dances to start and it’s time to throw the punches. Dusty takes him down with a series of right hands and Flair bails out to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Dusty pounds away with elbows to the head and a big one to drop him down to the floor again. Back in again and Dusty puts on a hammerlock to take Flair to the mat. We’re four minutes into this match and Dusty already needs a rest hold? Why am I surprised by this in the slightest?

Flair takes it into the corner and fires off some right hands to the face followed by the knee drop for two. Dusty bails to the floor and is already limping on his bad leg. Or maybe he just wants a pudding pop. Flair tries to jump Dusty on the apron but gets caught in the back of the head by some elbows to put Flair in trouble again. Back in and Dusty goes after the leg with a leg lock on the mat for more resting.

Ric escapes with a rake to the eyes but can’t suplex Dusty. Instead it’s Rhodes taking Flair over with a suplex and it’s back to the leg lock. Back up and Flair puts on a sleeper hold but Dusty falls forward, sending Flair into the buckle to escape. Now Flair’s leg is wrapped around the post and Dusty stomps away but the champ pokes him in the eye to escape.

Back in and we get a somewhat famous moment as Dusty tries a snapmare but basically lays Flair down instead. It’s so embarrassingly bad that it’s hard to believe such a move exists. Anyway, Flair goes up top and if you’ve seen one Flair match over the years you know what’s coming: Dusty slams him down but Ric gets in a shot to the leg. The Figure Four is blocked but Flair goes back to Dusty’s bad leg.

Back up and Flair is whipped into the corner and goes up and over to the floor. Dusty stalks him like a big juicy hamburger with onions and sends Flair into the barricade. Back inside and the referee gets poked in the eye, allowing Flair to throw Dusty over the top. The referee gets his vision back and counts two off a cross body from Rhodes, followed by some right hands to the head.

Flair is busted open as is his custom so Dusty pounds away with rights and lefts. Ric backs away from the Bionic Elbow and there’s another Flair Flip in the corner, only to have Ric run the corner and dive into a punch to the ribs. Dusty goes for a kick but hits the rope and there goes the bad leg again. There’s the knee drop onto Dusty’s leg and it’s Figure Four time.

Dusty is in BIG trouble but he hangs on and screams at the referee to not stop the match. With the power of the fans Rhodes turns the hold over to escape and the big elbows crack Flair’s head open even more. A clothesline puts him down for two but the referee gets taken out on the kickout. Dusty accidentally throws Flair into the referee, knocking him out to the floor for good measure.

Now Dusty puts Flair in the Figure Four but here’s Arn Anderson. Dusty kicks him in the head with the bad leg with no pain in sight but we’re almost done so I can’t complain. Anyway Ole Anderson comes in and knees Dusty in the back to give Flair a near fall from a fresh referee. They get back up and Dusty small packages Flair for the pin and the title to blow the roof off the place.

Rating: B. This was a WAY better match that I remember it being. It’s far from a technical masterpiece or anything like that, but the match tells a good story and has the absolute correct ending. Dusty gets to fight off the men that hurt him and beats Flair in the middle of the ring as the fans wanted to see. Good stuff here.

Granted none of that mattered because the next week on television, Flair was given the title back because of the interference. This is known as the Dusty Finish, as Dusty, the booker at the time, was famous for having the match end and then change it later due to some technicality. At least it was a week later and not here though.

This led to Dusty’s feud with the Horsemen, including this match at Starrcade 1986.

TV Title: Tully Blanchard vs. Dusty Rhodes

This is a first blood match as the gimmicks continue. Tully is challenging and has JJ Dillon with him here. The referee stops JJ from putting either protective gear and Vaseline on Tully’s head. Instead Dusty elbows Dillon in the head to bust him open. That’s quite the message. Tully misses a knee in the corner to start and they circle each other a bit. Both guys go after the others’ head but no contact is actually made.

They circle each other even more until Dusty hits a headbutt to put Tully down. As expected the referee checks both guys because using a headbutt in a first blood match is a stupid idea. Rhodes pounds at the ribs in the corner before hitting the Bionic Elbow to the head. Dusty lays down on the leg, because leaving your head exposed like that could NEVER backfire on him at all. Blanchard rolls to the floor and we stall again.

Back in and Tully drops an elbow and rakes at Dusty’s head only to have Rhodes come back and drop a knee. The referee goes down (AGAIN) and JJ throws in his signature shoe. Rhodes throws it away and elbows Tully in the head. A bunch of right hands bust open Blanchard’s head but there’s no referee. Tully is knocked down, allowing JJ to rub Vaseline on the cut to stop the bleeding. He also hands Dusty a roll of coins to knock Dusty out cold and bust him open for the title.

Rating: D-. This was about seven minutes of stalling and covering heads before the overdone ending. The referee bumps are getting really old at this point as there have been what, five or six so far on this show? Dusty continues to not have much in the ring aside from one good match with Flair last year. This was very little to see due to all of the stalling.

What better way to cap off the feud than the ultimate team match? From July 4, 1987, in the first time ever.

Dusty Rhodes/Road Warriors/Nikita Koloff/Paul Ellering vs. Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon

The Horsemen in this case are Flair, Anderson, Blanchard, Luger and JJ Dillon. Flair’s music is epic as they crank the music WAY up. This is the Atlanta main event and it’s the debut of WarGames. For those of you uninitiated, WarGames is the mother of all gimmick matches. You have two teams of five and each team sends in a member. Those two fight for five minutes and there’s a coin toss.

The winning team gets to send in the third man to have a 2-1 advantage. That lasts two minutes and then the team that lost the toss gets to send in its second man to tie it at 2-2. That lasts two minutes then the team that won the toss sends in its third man. You alternate like that every two minutes until it’s 5-5 and then it’s first submission. No pins allowed.

Arn and Dusty start us off and remember this can’t end until all ten are in. There are two rings side by side with one huge cage over them if I didn’t mention that. They feel each other out a lot as they’re not entirely sure what to do here. Dusty walks on the second rope and then swings across the top of the cage to kick him in the ribs. Now they’re going and Dusty pounds away including a low blow which is perfectly legal.

There’s a DDT by Dusty and the crowd is red hot. Arn is cut open about two and a half minutes in so Dusty rakes it across the cage wall. Everyone hates everyone on the other team so this is a huge blood feud all around. Dusty sends him into the cage and has dominated the entire time. After a quick comeback by Arn Dusty gets his bad Figure Four on and then lets go of it because….well just because I guess.

The Horsemen win the toss (the faces literally never won the thing) and it’s Tully in next. The Horsemen beat him down but Dusty is booking so he knocks them both down with elbows. And scratch that as Tully gets in a knee shot and the double teaming begins. Tully puts on a Figure Four as they work over the knee. The clock seems to skip ahead a bit (no sign of clipping though) and Animal comes in to tie it up.

He starts launching Horsemen everywhere and sets Tully up for a slingshot which he rams three straight times. Shoulder block takes Tully down and Dusty destroys Anderson. I think Blanchard is busted and he gets double teamed a bit. Anderson looks dead. Animal is like screw that and rams him into the cage a few times. Flair is in to make it 3-2 and chops at Animal which doesn’t work. The number catch up with him as Anderson is back up quickly.

Sorry for a lot of play by play here but it’s the only thing you can do in matches like this one. Animal is busted. Dusty tries to fight back but he’s almost on his own. The fans are so loud that you can’t hear Tony and Jim. Dusty is bleeding and here comes Nikita. Flair grabs him as he comes in but the power of RUSSIA breaks up the Horsemen. The double ring thing here is very nice as they have room to move around. Animal sends Flair into the cage and he’s bleeding now. Dusty is gushing blood.

Nikita and Dusty work on the knee of Anderson but Nikita goes to get Tully stuck between the two rings and hits him between the ropes in a slingshot thing. Flair begs off Nikita and that doesn’t end well for the champ. A double dropkick puts Anderson down and here’s Lex. This is literally non-stop. Powerslam plants Koloff and Lex is dominating. There’s a spike piledriver to Nikita and then a second one just to kill him deader than dead. The Horsemen are in control but they’re starting to fall from exhaustion and blood loss.

Here’s Hawk and the fans erupt all over again. He destroys everything in sight and if you’re not bleeding already you will be now. Nikita’s neck is messed up and he can barely stand. JR is in Heaven with this much carnage. Flair gets a Figure Four on Dusty but it doesn’t count yet. The Horsemen only have JJ Dillon left and he’s a manger. He goes after Hawk and that’s just dumb.

Flair saves JJ’s life and they’re getting tired. Flair is bleeding a ton as if you expected anything else. JJ is taking a beating but Animal is getting triple teamed. Here’s Ellering to get us all tied up and now the match can end. Ellering has an LOD spiked pad on his arm. Dillon is bleeding BAD so Ellering JAMS THE SPIKE INTO HIS EYE. The LOD circles in on Dillon as the rest of the team runs interference. The Warriors spear his head into the cage and load up the Doomsday Device. JJ lands on his shoulder, legitimately hurting it. With Animal running interference, Hawk beats him half to death until he gives up to finally end this.

Rating: A+. This runs 26 minutes and there is literally no stopping in the whole thing. There isn’t some period where they chill because they’ve done enough. This is about brutality and violence and it works very well. There’s a ton of blood and JJ looks like he fell out of a building (for some reason in wrestling attire) at the end of it. It’s well worth seeing and still works today. Great match.

Dusty was booker around this time and came up with a concept to put himself over: a battle royal…..inside a steel cage. Yeah. From Bunkhouse Stampede.

Bunkhouse Stampede

Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard, Ivan Koloff, The Warlord (wearing a Lifeguard shirt for no apparent reason), Arn Anderson, Lex Luger, The Barbarian, Animal.

Dusty gets a big entrance of course with all his accomplishments listed. Did I mention he was booking at the time? Seriously, ONLY DUSTY had anything listed about him, including the match he won to qualify here, his world title reigns, his US Title reigns, and his TV Title reigns. No one else got anything but their normal entrances. This could get bad fast. All eight are in there at once. There aren’t any weapons like promised or anything.

Remember, it’s a battle royal in a cage where you have to throw them over the ropes or through the door. My goodness this is idiotic. Apparently it’s unheard of for someone to win three straight Bunkhouse Stampedes. That could be because this is THE THIRD ONE! Wow Dusty lowered some IQs. Everyone is in some screwed up street clothes of some kind and this is just idiotic.

Apparently the referee has to determine if a guy goes over the cage or through the door, since that’s overly complicated I guess. Wow shoving people OVER A CAGE looks stupid. See, when it was a regular battle royal, IT MADE SENSE. Blanchard and Anderson work together of course. Barbarian, Warlord and Koloff are in the same stable mind you so they’ll likely work together. Koloff and Dusty climb the cage due to idiocy.

I’m watching people try to throw PEOPLE over a cage. Does that sound stupid to you or is it just me? How hard would it be to throw someone that is fighting back over a cage wall? Because to me, IT SOUNDS IMPOSSIBLE. Also, there are a lot of people walking around on the top ropes which is just freaking stupid too. No one is out or anything yet.

Arn saves himself from being thrown out the door as I realize how much this sounds like a really bad comedy sketch. Koloff is bleeding. Winner gets half a millon dollars. Not sure if I said that or not but I don’t want to stop the tape long enough to go back and read it. I feel sorry for Ross and Caudle trying to make this sound interesting or intense or whatever it’s supposed to be.

Luger and Dusty just go off as we’re supposed to believe that a guy that is built like Dusty is supposed to be in the same kind of condition as a stallion like Luger. Right. Oh yeah, and keep in mind this whole cowboy southern thing is in NEW YORK CITY. They continue to try to make this sound good and it’s just failing. Wow this was ten days before I was born and 12 before Hogan lost the world title to Andre. Holy goodness that’s weird to think about.

Still no one out and we’re almost 15 minutes into this. It’s mainly just people in jeans hitting people with belts and boots. Yeah it’s riveting in case you can’t tell. Dusty’s arm is bleeding from being worked over with a belt. Make this stop please. Animal tries to shove Anderson over the top. I want to break this match.

Koloff, like an idiot, although at this time he’s one of two former world champions in there somehow, climbs over the cage to get away from Animal and gets knocked out to take us down to seven. Oh sweet mercy kill me now. So let’s just keep the camera on Koloff FOREVER as we see the EPIC DRAMA of him standing up. Animal and Warlord fight to the door and Warlord gets knocked to the door. Animal gets kicked in the head by Barbarian and it knocks both guys out in a stupid looking spot.

We have Dusty, Luger, Anderson, Blanchard and Barbarian left. Blanchard gets put in the Rack which at least hurts him. Some fan shouts about how freaking gay this is. Thanks for that. Luger takes a Gourdbuster and the Horsemen try to throw him out. Since Luger didn’t have any gourds on him though, he was fine and stays in.

Anderson, Luger and Blanchard fight by the door and they all go out after like three minutes of fighting. Arn at one point stood on the third step and choked Luger. Yeah he deserved to lose. So we have Barbarian vs. Dusty. Any bets on who wins here? Barbarian gets some brass knuckles and pops Dusty with them. Barbarian hits like three of his top rope headbutt finishers but Dusty fights back baby!

They climb to the top rope for the epic move known as the OH DANG THIS MATCH MAKES NO SENSE SO LET’S CLIMB UP SO WE CAN HAVE A REASON TO GET THROWN OVER THE CAGE! Yep, Dusty wins by hitting the elbow to the head and we’re done. Earl Hebner is the referee here but would be in WWF in 12 days for the famous twin angle. Dusty gets a big bronze cowboy boot. Give me a FREAKING BREAK!

We hear about Dusty was considering retiring before this but came back “for the people.” So he was about to leave and came back for the people. So apparently by coming back for the people, he just had to come up with a PPV for himself and put himself over in it. Sure why not.

Rating: F. There was a cage match with a battle royal going on. This was a MASSIVE love letter from Dusty to Dusty. This was all about getting him even FURTHER over and making things look even stupider. Somehow Dusty was the wildcard and the favorite at the same time. He’s US Champion already but was going to retire. I give up. Just a joke of a main event and a show.

Dusty would team up with Sting to challenge for the Tag Team Titles at Clash of the Champions II.

World Tag Team Titles: Sting/Dusty Rhodes vs. Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard

Sting and Rhodes are challenging of course and Dusty is nearing the end of his run with the promotion. Sting starts with Anderson and counters the wristlock in the same way he did to Flair at the first Clash. Arn bails to the floor for a breather and the fans are WAY into Sting here. Back in and Anderson throws Sting to the floor, only to miss a charge into the post. Sting wraps Arn’s arm around the post and cranks on it back inside for good measure.

The champions tag to bring in Tully but Sting slams him down twice in a row and tags in Dusty to an even bigger ovation from the crowd. Rhodes cleans house with punches to the face and Blanchard is in trouble in the corner. A big elbow to the head puts him down and Dusty puts on his pretty bad looking Figure Four. The hold is short lived though as a JJ Dillon distraction lets Anderson make the save and send Dusty to the floor.

Sting immediately comes over for the save and Dusty gets back inside, only to take a beating from Tully. Rhodes scores with a shoulder block and a dropkick without much air under it. Back to Sting to take over with a Stinger Splash to Blanchard but Anderson breaks up the Deathlock attempt. The Horsemen drop Sting onto the barricade to stop his momentum and Anderson drives an elbow into his back for two.

A middle rope splash hits Sting’s knees but more Horsemen double teaming stops the hot tag to Rhodes. Tully can’t get a sunset flip but Arn clotheslines Sting down to the mat for two. Blanchard sends Sting back to the floor and Anderson gets in a quick DDT on the concrete to knock Sting out cold. Dillon throws Sting back in but the referee is with Dusty, allowing Sting to kick out at two.

A backslide gets the same on Arn but he’s able to tag out while still being counted. It’s amazing how efficient the Horsemen were at teaming and that’s a great example of their skill. Sting catches Tully in a hot shot and now Dusty comes in off the tag. The fans suddenly believe the championships are in trouble and everything breaks down. The referee gets bumped and Barry Windham and Ric Flair run in for the disqualification.

Rating: D+. The fans helped this a lot but it wasn’t a great match from a technical standpoint. There was a good chance of a title change here given what happened at the previous Clash, which sets a good precedent for future shows in this series. It’s also a good sign that Sting is in another main event here and is being treated like a big deal and threats to titles.

After being fired for going insane as booker, Dusty would start his own promotion in Florida. Here’s the main event of their Homecoming show on March 11, 1989.

PWF World Title: Big Steel Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Big Steel Man is Tugboat/Typhoon/Shockmaster. Dusty comes out to Old Time Rock And Roll. Well at least he has good taste. Oh apparently Page is the manager of Big Steel Man. That sounds like something a 4 year old would come up with. Steel Man shoves Dusty around a lot to start. Dusty comes back with an elbow. That sequence took over a minute somehow. Dusty jumps (yes, jumps) into a bearhug two minutes into the match. This match is really looking down in a hurry.

Dusty elbows out of it and goes to the floor, only to have his shoulder rammed into the post. Back inside Steel Man works over the arm with a wristlock. The guy is 370lbs and he’s using a move that a cruiserweight could use. That’s not a compliment in this case. The arm goes into the buckle and Big Steel drops four legdrops in a row followed by a missed top rope splash. Dusty rolls over quickly and gets the pin and the title out of nowhere.

Rating: F. OH COME ON! After this horrible show, the big star’s match for the world title isn’t even eight minutes long? There was no build at all and the ending didn’t do anything for the crowd, as they didn’t have a chance to get ready. Also, Dusty looks like a weak champion as all he did was move out of the way instead of hitting a move of his own. Horrible main event to a terrible show.

After that, Dusty would head to the WWF with his first major match taking place at Summerslam 1989.

Honky Tonk Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Dusty recently stole the Boss Man’s hat and nightstick after debuting early in the summer. We start with a dance off before Dusty takes him into the corner for a clean break. Honky bails to the floor to avoid the Bionic Elbow but comes back in for Dusty to grab his arm. Instead of driving an elbow into the shoulder though, Dusty messes with Honky’s hair to really get on his nerves. An atomic drop and the Bionic Elbow put Honky down with Dusty in full control.

Ten right hands in the corner drop Honky to the mat and it’s off to Dusty’s totally lame leg lock (meaning he stands there and turns Honky’s foot) fills in some time. Honky fires off some right hands but drops down to avoid a running Dusty. Jimmy Hart trips Dusty up and Honky just lays on the mat instead of going after Rhodes as Jimmy is stalked. Honky gets Jimmy’s megaphone for a shot to Dusty’s ribs and finally takes over with a chinlock.

It’s the long form version as we’re still in the hold about two minutes later. Dusty fights up and misses an elbow so it’s back to the chinlock. Rhodes fights up again and pounds away with right hands but Honky sends him into the referee to make this match go even further. Jimmy accidentally knocks Honky silly with the guitar and Dusty drops a big elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. Who in the world thought this deserved ten minutes should be carried into the street and shot. Between the leg lock and the WAY too long chinlock, this could have been cut in half and nothing would have been lost. Honky was fine as a jobber to the stars at this point and he would maintain that position for months to come. This was way overbooked for what it was worth, but the fans loved Dusty which is the point of the match.

Another of Dusty’s feuds was against Big Boss Man, including this match at Saturday Night’s Main Event XXIV.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Big Bossman

Dusty wants Slick thrown out but can’t get that. Bossman dominates to start with the help of Slick. Dusty gets to lay on his back for awhile so something must be working. A short fat woman at ringside yells at Slick. Dusty has gotten NOTHING in here at all. His comeback only lasts a bit as Slick gets the nightstick. Bossman yells at the lady from earlier and gets rolled up for the pin. The lady gets to dance in the ring and would become Sapphire.

Rating: D. Total domination here but Dusty got punches in and then a rollup to win the match. I hate that booking and always have. It makes Bossman look kind of weak since he managed to lose to a quick rollup like that and little of his offense did anything. This was just bad, but I’d put that on Dusty.

Then we hit the most logical feud ever: the common man vs. the Macho King. They would meet in the first mixed tag in WWF history at Wrestlemania VI.

Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire vs. Queen Sherri/Randy Savage

Savage is the King at this point. This is the first mixed tag in company history according to Fink. I don’t know if that’s true but I don’t know of another preceding it. Dusty and Sapphire are introduced at 465lbs. Jesse: “Are you telling me Dusty only weighs 200?” Dusty says cut the music because he’s got the crown jewel: Elizabeth. Savage FREAKS (I think. It’s kind of hard to tell with him) and Jesse is on one of his famous rants.

The genders have to match here so the guys start things off. Sherri tries to interfere but Sapphire makes the save. Dusty throws Sherri into Savage and we’re off to the women. Sapphire shakes her hips into Sherri and hooks an airplane spin for bad measure. Sherri tries a slam which goes as well as you would expect it to. Off to the men again with Sapphire getting in a few slaps from the apron.

The guys go to the floor but Savage runs back in for a top rope ax handle to the floor. He hits it again for good measure but Sapphire gets in the way of the third jump. Back in and Randy hits a suplex for two and drops Rhodes with a shot to the head with the scepter. Sherri hits a top rope splash for two on Dusty because the rules don’t matter I guess. Everything breaks down with Sapphire taking over on Sherri. Liz sends Sherri back inside and it’s a schoolgirl win for Sapphire on the Queen.

Rating: D. Another mess here that was there more for the spectacle than anything else. Most of this show isn’t that good all around and this was another good example. Sapphire continues to be pretty much there as a sight gag but thankfully she would be gone later on in the summer. Not much to see here for the most part.

And a singles version from Summerslam 1990.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Savage

Before the match we hear a familiar laugh and cut to Ted DiBiase on the interview platform. He’s been spending the last several weeks telling Dusty that he has a price just like everyone else but Dusty has kept turning him down. Tonight, someone else had a price: Sapphire, Ted’s latest purchase. Ted’s latest gift to her is a bag of money which is hard to pass up. DiBiase brings up the most obvious point to the story: who else could afford to pay for all the gifts Sapphire has been getting?

Rhodes charges at DiBiase but Savage jumps him from behind to start the match. Back in and Savage hits a top rope ax handle for two. Dusty comes back with some elbows but his heart isn’t in this. He has to stop to chase Sherri though, allowing Savage to knock Rhodes out cold with Sherri’s loaded purse for the pin. This was nothing.

After bringing his son Dustin in at the 1991 Royal Rumble in a loss to DiBiase/Virgil, the Rhodes Family would head back to WCW. One of these matches was on January 4, 1992 at the WCW/New Japan Supershow II.

Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes vs. Masa Saito/Kim Duk

Well of course Dusty just had to grace us with his presence in a huge match like this. I mean it’s not like there’s some young guy that needed the exposure here or anything like that right? I’m sure there isn’t a guy that has never really gotten a spotlight before that could use a match on PPV in front of 60,000 people. Nah we’d rather have old fat men! Let’s get this over with.

I’ve never heard of Duk. Sweet merciful crap Dusty is a fat man. Saito is a big man but looks tough. Dusty simply doesn’t at all. Dustin and Duk start us off and we get a criss cross which Dustin controls. Ross REALLY likes the refereeing tonight for some reason. He’s complimented it in every match so far tonight.

Duk has been in two big spots so far: a head scissors and a back drop and both have looked very bad. The other guy was Dustin Rhodes who is usually very solid in the ring. I’m pretty sure I think I know who screwed up there. We hear about Saito being in the Olympic Games in 64. He refuses to tag in here, merely brushing him off. That’s rather funny.

The two fat men come in with Dusty gettinga nice round of applause. We fight to the ramp with Dusty firmly in control. Saito drops to his knees in front of Dusty. If he wants to blow him he’s going to have a lot of gut to hold up. Ross says Dusty has been inactive for a year or so. That’s very funny, as if Dusty has been active in his life.

Ross explains the difference between ring attendants and managers which is fairly interesting. Is there ANY reason why we have Dusty working the majority of the match here? Did anyone thought that was the right idea? We hit the nerve hold so we talk about the language barriers between Duk, a Korean and Saito, who is Japanese.

Saito misses a running kick and drills Duk to bring in Dustin again. Duk hits a Piledriver on Dustin for two. Back to Dusty vs. Saito which still isn’t incredibly interesting. Saito is good though so we have that to fall back on I guess. Thankfully Dusty isn’t in there long and Dustin walks into a Saito Suplex which is of course his namesake. It’s a modified belly to back.

They ram heads and both guys are down. Duk comes in but since he isn’t incredibly talented Dustin just beats the tar out of him, getting a dropkick for two and then after a few more seconds the bulldog (I can’t stand that move) ends this. The total lack of a reaction is still weird to me.

Rating: D+. Weakest match so far. Dusty and Duk weren’t worth much at all here. Ross saying he was funky like a monkey in total deadpan is hilarious for some reason. This was pretty bad but it could have been much worse. It got nearly 15 minutes and for some reason Dusty was in there more than his son. Odd.

Dusty would mostly be retired at this point but would come out of retirement to help his son in his war with the Stud Stable, including in WarGames at Fall Brawl 1994.

War Games: Stud Stable vs. Team Rhodes

Stud Stable: Robert Parker, Bunkhouse Buck, Terry Funk, Arn Anderson
Team Rhodes: Dustin Rhodes, Dusty Rhodes, Nasty Boys

So yeah, Dusty Rhodes is in the main event as are the Nasty Boys and Bunkhouse Buck and a manager. We can’t have Sting or Vader or someone interesting in there. Arn Anderson is the biggest star at the current time in there. For those of you that haven’t ever seen one of these, here are the rules. We start with one guy from each team and they fight for five minutes.

Keep in mind that it’s two rings and one cage over the whole thing mind you. After the five minutes are up, we have a coin toss which the heels literally never lost. Whoever wins (the heels) send in their second man and that team has a 2-1 advantage for two minutes. After the two minutes are up, the team that lost the toss sends in its second man to make it 2-2 for two minutes.

After that two minutes, it goes to 3-2 and alternates back and forth for two minutes each until everyone is in. Then and only then can you win the match and only by submission. In other words, you’re guaranteed seventeen minutes passing by before the match can actually end. This gimmick is by far and away my all time favorite and it really is a huge deal. Thankfully Dusty has a shirt on.

When the Nasty Boys name graphic comes up we see Dustin Rhodes. Nice one guys. Oh and Dusty is team captain despite not wrestling in years. We start with Dustin and Arn, who are the only two of reasonable age with talent so that’s the best choice I guess. They actually have a cameraman in the cage. I like that. Arn does the same spot he always does of having his head put between the rings.

They start off fairly generic as most of these matches did. Dustin gets a nice jump over both sets of ropes from one ring to another. Nice spot. You can see that in reality the heels lost the coin toss as they call tails and after the referee loses the quarter that it comes up tails but the heels win. Bunkhouse Buck comes in to make it 2-1.

Good night this is boring so far. And since Dusty wouldn’t book himself anything but last to save his fat life the savior is a Nasty Boy. That just doesn’t blow my skirt up. The heels put on a double Boston Crab because that sells PPVs dang it. Jerry Sags ties it up. I can’t believe this is actually main eventing a PPV. The crowd is hot as fire which stuns me. Oh looks it’s a sleeper.

Given the four guys left it’s pretty simple who goes in next for each team. Funk tries to throw a chair in but forgets there’s a roof. Funk is in and it’s 3-2. He hits people with his boot that he removed. Funk falls down through the rings and hits the floor, which means he could just crawl out under the ring but whatever. Of course Knobbs is next to tie us up. Brian Knobbs is making the save. How in the world does this make sense?

Oh Dusty has a shirt that says Nasty Dream. Parker is the only entertaining thing here and I usually can’t stand him. I wonder what they would do to him if he didn’t go in. There are no DQs remember. He finally gets in and hurts his hand throwing a punch. Dustin has a belt from somewhere. Everyone is just waiting around for Dusty to get in and take all the glory.

It was so painfully obvious that he would be the one getting the win because his name is Dusty Rhodes and he could rival Hogan as far as ego went. Of course he can fight off all three heel wrestlers with no issue. Heenan calls him a Brahma Bull which is amusing to me. About 40 seconds after he gets in he puts a figure four that completely sucks on Parker and the Nastys drop about 30 elbows on him for the submission. How Dustin is able to fight off all three guys isn’t answered but whatever. DUSTY REIGNS! That ends the show.

Rating: D+. They managed to screw up War Games. That’s just freaking impressive. Seriously, look at these people and realize that it’s 1994. That sums up the whole issue with this. If it were 1987 this would have been fine but get with the times people. Dusty and the Nastys? REALLY? Anyone that wants to try to convince me that this wasn’t Hogan’s doing, let me know.

Other than a few matches as part of the NWO, Dusty would retire from mainstream wrestling. He would however come back in ECW to face the King of Old School Steve Corino, including this match at Living Dangerously 2000.

Steve Corino vs. Dusty Rhodes

This is a bullrope match, meaning they’re tied at the wrist by a bullrope which has a cowbell that can be used as a weapon. The match is won by pin or submission. Dusty has to elbow him down to get the rope around his wrist. A cowbell to the head had Corino in trouble and they head outside with Dusty walking him up to the stage and into the crowd. Steve is bleeding and this has been all Dusty so far.

Corino finally comes back with a cowbell shot to the head and Jack Victory comes in for some shots as well. Dusty is bleeding as well but comes back with some signature elbows to the head. They finally get back to ringside with Corino biting Dusty’s cut. Victory slides in a chair but Dusty uses the rope to pull Steve face first into the opened chair. Dusty slices at Corino’s arm with the cowbell and nails him in the head with it for good measure.

Corino wedges the chair between the top and middle rope, only to be sent face first into it, as per wrestling custom. Steve comes back with punches and the big elbow to the head but Victory throws in another cowbell. The referee, who Corino and Victory attacked recently, tapes the bell to Corino’s head so Dusty can blast it with a chair. Dusty mostly hits Steve’s head instead of the bell and the Bionic Elbow gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was a brawl that spent about half the time in the audience, but what can you expect from an overweight man in his fifties that hasn’t wrestled full time in years? I have no idea why you would have Dusty win here though as it makes Corino look weak, which is the worst thing you can do when ECW wanted to push him as a big star. This was a somewhat fun match but it just wasn’t very good.

It was back to WCW for its dying days, including this match at Greed 2001.

Dusty Rhodes/Dustin Rhodes vs. Jeff Jarrett/Ric Flair

The losers have to kiss the winners’…..yeah. Flair is in a Hawaiian shirt as we talk about burritos. Something tells me this is going to be a comedy match minus the comedy. Animal is here too. Dusty’s music is a cover/parody of his WWF music of all things. Uh…sure why not. Jarrett is fighting on his own apparently. Ok never mind no he won’t be. Animal gets thrown out before we get started.

Dustin TOWERS over his dad. Jarrett and Dustin start us off. The faces are of course dressed in cowboy stuff since that’s all they can wear. Let the crotch grabbing begin! Flair comes in and beats up Dustin for a bit as we wait for the hot tag to the guy in the mid-50s. Dusty comes in and gets a standing ovation. Yeah Flair vs. Dusty, the main event of Starrcade EIGHTY FOUR is the biggest thing of the night. That’s a horrible sign for a wrestling company.

Dusty cleans house before Dustin comes in. Shattered Dreams is blocked by a low blow. It’s called the Dust Buster here to continue making my head hurt. Jarrett goes after the knee since everyone has to use a Figure Four. And there it is. Dusty of course does nothing about it because that would be naughty. Both guys get tags after the hold is broken and Dusty cleans house.

Dusty’s big elbow gets two. Flair shouts NO but doesn’t roll out of the way or anything like that. I guess that would make too much sense or something. A pair of low blows and the heels go for a double figure four, which fails. Dustin manages to screw up a small package but pins Flair anyway. Post match Dusty drops his pants and kind of does a Stinkface but it’s awful. Can we move on please?

Rating: D-. Somehow this was better than the previous few matches. Dusty is the high spot of the show though and that’s never a good sign. It says that no one buys the young guys and would rather see the old guys from like 15 years ago. It’s the worst thing you can have and the idea is to have the old guys put the young guys over. WCW never got that but whatever. Match sucked.

Dusty would head over to TNA and face Jeff Jarrett for control of the Asylum on November 26, 2003.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Jeff Jarrett

This is for control of the Asylum, which I assume means control of the company. It’s also billed as Fans’ Revenge, meaning there are “fans” at ringside with leather straps to act as lumberjacks. Jeff is world champion but of course this is non-title. The fans come out to Hulk Hogan’s WCW theme music (American Made) which made my head snap back to the monitor.

Jarrett offers to beat up all the fans and save Dusty for last. Tenay dedicates this match to recently deceased NWA World Champion Dick Hutton, which is a name you probably won’t hear more than five times ever in modern wrestling. Dusty scores with a quick Bionic Elbow and Jeff instinctively rolls to the floor, only to run back inside to escape the straps. Now Jeff runs from another elbow attempt and takes his chances on the floor.

More strap shots send him back inside to face the Dream as the fans (the real ones, not the indy workers at ringside) are getting into this. That same sequence happens a few more times as Rhodes just stands in the corner. Jeff finally realizes he’s fighting Dusty Rhodes and punches him down with ease but Dusty starts shaking. The Flip Flop and Fly sets up the Bionic Elbow to send Jeff out for more strapping.

Dusty takes one of the straps for some shots of his own but the referee gets bumped. Jeff gets the strap and beats on Dusty but Jimmy Hart and Don Callis (managers) come in to fight. This draws out Director of Authority Erik Watts to chokeslam Jarrett…and that’s that. The DVD just goes to another history package, meaning I guess it was a no contest?

Rating: D+. This falls under the category of you know what you’re getting. Dusty was fifty eight years old and hadn’t been an active wrestler in over ten years. The match was about the lumberjacks getting in some shots on Jarrett and giving the fans something amusing to see. Dusty would stick around as an authority figure four years.

Here’s one I doubt you’ve seen before. From an elementary school in Paintsville, Kentucky at the Bluegrass Boogie Bash on December 12, 2003.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Slash

Slash is Wolfie D of PG-13. Before we get started Slash grabs a mic and insults the fans with some gay slurs. A single elbow puts Slash on the floor and one to Sinn does the same as Dusty rules the ring for a bit. Dusty works the arm and even though he’s doing very basic stuff, you can see he knows exactly what he’s doing and is working the crowd every second.

Out to the floor now as Slash takes over with some right hands. They have ropes as a barrier here so Slash chokes away with that for a bit. Back into the ring and it’s a neck crank to the Dream. That goes on for a good while and then it’s some choking with the wrist tape. Asiatic Nerve Hold goes on as we waste WAY too much time here.

Literally this hold lasts about two and a half minutes. Flip Flop and Fly puts Slash down and Sinn interferes. That of course gets them nowhere other than on their backs as Dusty moves away and they collide. Dusty rolls up Slash and it’s over. Like he wasn’t going to go over here. That’s not a criticism mind you, merely an observation.

Rating: D-. Yeah Dusty worked the crowd well and the fans were into it, but when there are five minutes in a match and one goes to them walking around and two is spent in various rest holds, that’s not much of a match. Dusty had to win here which is fine but this was pretty weak nonetheless.

Back to WWE for two legends matches. We’ll start at Survivor Series 2006.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes
Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler. Mikey is Mike Mondo in ROH at the moment.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Simmons beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s off to Flair and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow for the immediate elimination of Nicky, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

And one last one from the 2007 Great American Bash. As far as major promotions, this is Dusty’s last match to date.

Randy Orton vs. Dusty Rhodes

This is the pinfall version instead of the touching all the corners version, making it a bit better. I can’t complain about hearing Common Man or whatever that song is called again. Randy doesn’t really want to get tied up to the rope and I can’t say I blame him. I think the bell rang and that this is counting. The problem is there’s a bell on the rope so it’s hard to tell. Blast it there’s the real bell. I was hoping we were almost half done.

Comedy to start as Dusty takes him down with the rope around his feet. Dusty elbows him down and crotches him with the rope. They go to the floor and Dusty misses a bell shot to the head against the post. There’s a long beating on the floor and back inside we go. Orton gets in a shot to the knee and here comes the booing. Orton hooks a long chinlock to fill in most of the match. Dusty comes back with the elbows but a bell to the head gets the pin for Randy.

Rating: D-. What in the world were you expecting here? At the end of the day, Dusty is an old man and he’s against a young superstar. That being said, at least they didn’t make this idiotic by doing something like making him a heel. I mean, can you imagine how stupid you have to be to make an old man attempt to be a big threat? I mean, can you imagine being intimidated of a guy in his early 60s?

I think it’s pretty well known that Dusty wasn’t all that great in the ring, but man alive could he talk people into the building. The feud with Ric Flair was as natural of a dynamic as you could ever ask for and their Starrcade 1985 match was as good as they ever got. His ego got him in trouble a lot of the time, but when he was just talking, Dusty was one of the best ever.




Thunder – December 9, 1999: Now With A-List Awful

Thunder
Date: December 9, 1999
Location: Dane County Coliseum, Madison, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,953
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Juventud Guerrera

I can’t believe I’m saying this but there’s a slight chance this could be an interesting episode. On Nitro, Russo promised A-List stars on this show. Now given how things work around here, you could have Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan and the Rock in every segment and somehow WCW would manage to screw it up, but at least the stars would be more interesting. Let’s get to it.

Here are the Outsiders with a ladder to get things going. Hall sets it up and pretends to fall off, which would be funnier if Hall wasn’t a constant threat to have a major accident every five minutes. He knows Benoit is just in this match for the raise and knows he can’t handle a regular match, so he’s asked for it to be a ladder match. Benoit should go rent a tape of the ladder match with Shawn to see what he’s getting into.

Nash wants to talk about all the people around here with chips on their shoulders, including Sid. If Sid wants to walk around like a big man, Nash has a powerbomb waiting on him. This brings out Sid to say that he’s the man. Nash: “Is Vader booked?” Sid charges the ring and goes after Nash, knocking the ladder over in the process. He loads up Nash for the powerbomb but Hall nails him in the back with the ladder. Dustin Rhodes runs out for the save, drawing out Jeff Jarrett and Benoit with the bad guys getting the better of it and setting up a likely six man main event.

Tenay talks about Rhonda Singh getting a Cruiserweight Title shot tonight but Madusa comes out to say Singh isn’t a cruiserweight. Singh is getting a title shot over Madusa’s dead body. “Does this body look dead to you?” Well it’s certainly in need of support.

Juventud Guerrera and Psychosis come out with Juvi’s Rock impression getting SILENCE. Apparently Juvy is joining Tenay in the booth for the night. Oh good grief this is going to be a long night.

Nitro recap.

Dean Malenko vs. Booker T.

Well that’s better tha most matches we get on this show so maybe things are looking up. Maybe I should stop having false hope. Before the match, Shane Douglas challenges Jim Duggan to find three friends for an eight man tag at Starrcade. If the Revolution loses, they’ll be WCW’s janitors for a month, but if Duggan loses, he renounces his American citizenship. Well sure, why not. Malenko calls Dave Penzer a typical American and Saturn quotes Stripes.

Booker (with Stevie) nails Dean with a forearm and the ax kick to start but Dean pokes him in the eye and sends him outside. Saturn and Stevie get into it on the floor as Booker goes back inside for a spinebuster. Booker loads up another ax kick but Shane nails him in the head with the cast, setting up the Cloverleaf on the unconscious Booker for the quick win.

Duggan comes out to make the save, exciting Juvy WAY too much. Yeah the Revolution is getting more screen time, but it’s leading to a Jim Duggan match. That’s the disconnect with Russo: he knows how to make the buildup work, but the end result is usually a disaster.

Sid, Benoit and Rhodes jump Creative Control and Shane outside Russo’s office. After a break, the six man is made.

The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Vampiro

Iaukea comes out to a bunch of candles as we enter another Russo standard: giving someone a really lame character which is somehow better than the one they previously had but still stupid. Juvy calls Vampiro a jabroni for stealing the Juvy Driver. The bell rings and let’s cut to Oklahoma coming out instead of watching the openin…..maybe Oklahoma is the better option here.

We come back to the ring to see Prince blowing a kiss to Paisley (later known as Queen Sharmell) and superkicking Vampiro down. That’s nice and all, but let’s cut to Roddy Piper who is GETTING OUT OF A LIMO. Back to the ring with Vampiro whipping him into the barricade but heading back inside for a spinebuster from Prince. Oklahoma hits on Paisley as Vampiro lands on his feet out of a monkey flip and superkicks Prince for the pin. This match was less than two and a half minutes long and somehow squeezed in Oklahoma’s entrance, Oklahoma hitting on Paisely, Piper getting out of a limo and two superkicks.

Prince goes after Oklahoma post match and gets beaten up by Dr. Death.

Russo fires Mona for losing on Monday. Good. Go be the adorable Molly Holly and get to actually show off a bit instead. Rhonda Singh comes in and thanks Russo as Hennig and the twins snicker at her weight. She has a plan to get ratings. Could that plan be to have a boss who makes sure that every viewer knows that women are totally beneath him and how powerful he is over them? Oh and that Singh is fat and we should all laugh at her?

Roddy Piper and Nick Patrick have a chat for the sake of plot convenience. There’s a new ruling that says all referee decisions are final. When was this not the case?

Saturn and Stevie Ray fight in the back.

Goldberg/Bret Hart get a Tag Team Title shot tonight and don’t have much to say about it.

Rhonda Singh vs. Madusa

Evan Karagias is on commentary, so I guess the title match was dropped somewhere in the 40 minutes since it was announced. Singh shoves her down to start and runs her over with the power of fat. Evan uses pop lyrics to describe his feelings for Madusa, who avoids a middle rope splash. A quick middle rope dropkick knocks Singh down as Evan gets on the apron. Madusa kisses him but it’s just a distraction so Singh can miss a charge and knock Karagias off the apron, allowing Madusa to get a rollup pin.

Time for Singh’s big ratings ploy: stripping! Juvy loves it but the lights start flickering. You can see someone jumping Singh and knocking her out.

David Flair starts talking about his match in the Block (boiler room) with Jerry Flynn. He starts saying To Be The Man but cracks up instead.

We’re about halfway through the show. Total match time: 5:53.

Stevie nails Saturn with a Surge container.

David Flair goes to fight Flynn in the boiler room but runs into Buzzkill, who wants them to give peace a chance. David tries to hit him with the crowbar but Flynn takes him down. Cue Tank Abbott for the first time in about six and a half months to lay out Flynn. This was billed as a match, believe it or not.

Tag Team Titles: Goldberg/Bret Hart vs. Creative Control

Bret and we’ll say Gerald get things going with Hart hammering on the arm. The twins start double teaming to take over as the fans already want Goldberg. A clothesline gets a very quick two count from Slick Johnson, drawing in Roddy Piper for you “wrestling isn’t enough for you so here’s something else” entertainment. Goldberg comes in without a tag and cleans house with a spear, setting up a double finish with the Sharpshooter and Jackhammer to give us new champions.

Rating: D. Longest match of the night so far at three minutes and featured the illegal man getting the pin, a crooked referee, a replacement referee, and an argument between referees. Somehow that equals out to nothing to see here other than Russo’s favorite story: wacky partners about to fight at Starrcade. I believe this makes Hart the first Triple Crown Champion of two companies.

Post match Bret shakes Goldberg’s hand and says may the best man win at Starrcade.

Stevie and Saturn fight some more but Juvy says this doesn’t matter. Neither does most of this show, but at least it doesn’t matter with bigger names this week.

Saturn vs. Stevie Ray

Stevie starts fast with a corner clothesline but tries again and eats two boots to the face. Snake Eyes and a t-bone suplex set up a dropkick for two on Stevie but he comes back with a press slam. The referee breaks up a stomping in the corner, earning him a bump in the process. I can’t believe it but they managed to make it five whole matches before the first ref bump. Cue Creative Control to lay out Stevie, giving Saturn the cheap pin (with feet on the ropes like he should be doing).

Russo tells Piper that he’ll never work in this business again.

Sting doesn’t care about Diamond Dallas “Trash’s” (is he related to Hollywood Scum Hogan?) problems but approves of Liz. You stupid, stupid man.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

Juvy on Luger: “That’s the juice!” DDP comes out for commentary as Buff grabs a headlock to start. Luger shrugs off some arm cranking but misses a clothesline and gets slammed twice. Bagwell kicks him low and gets two off a neckbreaker, sending Luger outside. Page: “I’m going to shoot my own angle.” He gets up and gets in a fight with Bagwell, drawing out the agents to break it up for the no contest. We’re still waiting on a match to break three minutes tonight (the Tag Title match was three minutes even).

Duggan asks Russo for a match tonight but is told no one cares about him.

Jim Duggan vs. Asya

ENOUGH OF THE MAN VS. WOMAN STUFF! It worked with Chyna but this has been old for weeks now. And no match as Creative Control, La Parka and Hennig run in to beat down Duggan. The Revolution comes out with hot dogs and pies to make it a big mess. Harlem Heat comes out for the save.

Benoit/Sid/Rhodes are ready for the main event.

Sting vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Liz is with Sting. Sting hits the Splash and has the Deathlock on in less than 30 seconds but Page makes the ropes. The referee is decked (with Page changing directions to hit him) 50 seconds in and here’s Luger to lay out Sting with the ball bat. Page adds a Diamond Cutter for the pin. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting can’t even make a minute and forty seconds.

Scott Hall/Kevin Nash/Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit/Dustin Rhodes/Sid Vicious

It’s a huge brawl to start with Jeff and Chris being the only ones left in the ring for a slugout. Benoit hits something like an Irish Curse before tagging in Rhodes, who is sent into Nash’s forearm. Kevin comes in for some knees in the corner before it’s off to Hall for some right hands.

That’s the extent of the offense from Hall on Thunder so he brings Nash in for a single clothesline before it’s back to Jarrett. Rhodes gets caught in a sleeper but suplexes his way out, setting up a double tag to the monsters. Everything breaks down and Sid clotheslines the Outsiders down. The powerbomb is broken up by a guitar shot and Nash pins Sid.

Rating: D-. Oh screw off WCW. This was the longest match of the night at a riveting four minutes and twelve seconds. They’re clearly setting up the next incarnation of the NWO with Hall/Nash/Jarrett and my goodness it’s not interesting. When the Outsiders are only in there for a handful of seconds each, why am I supposed to be interested in setting them dominate a company? Again?

Overall Rating: F-. Eight matches for a total time of 19:47. Do you know how hard it is to not have twenty minutes of wrestling in a two hour show? I can’t remember the last time Smackdown had eight matches on a card or at least one match breaking ten minutes. This company has decided to just not have wrestling on its shows and that’s not going to work for more than a few more weeks. Total disaster of a show here and one of the biggest wastes of time I can ever remember in wrestling. Well not really wrestling on this show but you get the idea.

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Wrestler of the Day – December 1: Maxx Payne

Today is a guy that was much more awesome than good: Max Payne.

Payne started in Japan but didn’t really do much. After a bit on the indy scene, he was brought in to WCW in early 1993 with one of his first major matches coming at SuperBrawl III.


US Title: Maxx Payne vs. Dustin Rhodes

Payne is replacing Ron Simmons. Rhodes just couldn’t have been blander if his life depended on it. Payne is from the State of Euphoria which is one of the best hometowns I’ve ever heard of. The fans are DEAD. I mean no one cares at all and why should they? Every time I look up someone is leaving on the camera side. That should tell you a lot about this epic encounter.

This match is just boring as all goodness as it’s like a Chris Jericho list of holds come to life. Why do people think fans want to see this? Dustin Rhodes was just boring as all goodness athis point but his dad was booking so there we are. After over ten minutes of this mindless crap, Dustin hooks an abdominal stretch and Payne shoves the referee for the DQ. Really? Post match Dustin beats up Payne. This was awful.

Rating: F. What the world did we need to spend ten minutes on this for? You can have short matches you know. It’s not going to kill you. Also, MAXX PAYNE is the best replacement you can come up with? Was Arn Anderson too injured or something? Payne wasn’t much in the ring but he was almost all character, which would come out later.

Off to a better time for him, starting at Beach Blast 1993. This is fallout from Payne blasting Johnny B. Badd in the face with Badd’s Bad Blaster at Clash XXIII.

Maxx Payne vs. Johnny B. Badd

Payne is that punk rocker character that simply wouldn’t go away. I don’t think many people got it which doesn’t surprise me at all. He hit Badd in the face with the Badd Blaster to set this up. Badd is wearing pink and black feathers with a feather mask. I have to be very careful with my jokes here to avoid one of the bosses infracting me for prejudiced remarks. You know the ones I’m talking about.

He’s wrestling in a pink mask here because of getting hit in the face. This is idiotic. There is just a ridiculous number of empty seats. You would think they would upgrade people or something. Payne’s finisher was an armbar which was just odd as all goodness. Badd dives over the ropes to take Payne out. Not that we get to see it or anything but we’re told that’s what happens.

Just to show how stupid Watts was, Badd throws Payne back in and goes for a cross body off the top but has to step down a rope to avoid a disqualification. The problem is that Payne is about 6’6 so Jonny can’t get up high enough to do the move right so it’s more or less a shoulder block for the pin. I hate Bill Watts.

Rating: F Who thought that a guy the size of Albert should use an armbar? The top rope thing was just dumb and it was 5 minutes long. This was awful, mainly because of the booking. Seriously, you have a speed guy against a monster and the speed guy can’t use the top rope. Thankfully Watts was gone soon I think. Actually never mind as later on people use top rope moves and they’re fine. Badd is just an idiot and when Maxx Payne is the smart guy in the match, the thing just sucks.

Here’s the rematch at Clash XXIV.

Maxx Payne vs. Johnny B. Badd

This is Payne’s guitar vs. Badd’s mask, which he debuted after having his face burned by the Badd Blaster at the previous Clash. Payne pulls him to the floor to start and rams Johnny’s back into the apron. Back in and some hard elbow drops knock the feathers off of Badd’s boas. Johnny comes back with some clotheslines but misses a cross body.

Payne rips the mask off but Badd is wearing a second mask. A running clothesline puts Badd down again though and Maxx starts going after the arm. He takes a bit too long though and gets rolled up for two as Badd counters the Payne Killer. Maxx misses a middle rope splash and Johnny gets a cover for the fast pin.

Off to a tag match at Battlebowl.

Ric Flair/Steve Austin vs. 2 Cold Scorpio/Maxx Payne

Ok this HAS to be good right? Austin is about the level of Dolph Ziggler at this point and I’m pretty sure Flair is a face at this point, so expect more tension. BIG reaction for Flair. Austin cost Flair the world title about ten days ago. Well of course he did. Payne’s head looks a bit like Undertaker which is kind of weird to say.

Austin and Payne start us off here. Payne is a grunge rocker more or less with long black hair and metal band t-shirts. He can wrestle though, and we hear about Flair vs. Vader at Starrcade. The fans want Flair here, which is odd as less than 5 years later Austin would be the biggest star in the world. Scorpio comes in while Flair yells at Austin. For those of you that have never seen him, go find some of Scorpio’s early to mid 90s stuff as he’s incredibly fun to watch. Basically imagine Morrison with some meat on his bones and a lack of botches with the gimmick of just being awesome.

The future Stone Cold hits the floor and he still looks weird with a star on his tights. Flair comes in again and just owns all. We shift into a far more traditional and old school style of tagging with Flair and Austin making Scorpio the face in peril. Flair with old school heel tactics never gets old, but since he’s more or less a natural heel it doesn’t make him look evil. That makes no sense to me either so don’t try to make sense out of it.

Flair and Austin of course go at it which doesn’t last long. TEXTBOOK suplex by Flair. Just absolute perfection there. Austin with a top rope elbow of all things for two. He was a totally different wrestler once Hart broke his neck. In a stupid looking move, Scorpio just kind of falls down, sending Austin stumbling into the corner. Flair and Payne come in and Flair can’t do anything. A running knee in the corner misses and the Figure Four ends it to a big pop. That’s basic psychology and again it works.

Rating: B-. See, THIS is how you do one of these things. There was a simple story here of two guys making something work and just doing their thing on Scorpio while keeping the bigger and stronger guy out. This was a very simple style, but there is one important thing it had going for it: it worked. Best match BY FAR up to this point and likely of the whole show.

Here’s a brawl at Starrcade 1993.

Cactus Jack/Maxx Payne vs. Tex Slazenger/Shanghai Pierce

Payne is a grunge rocker while Slazenger and Pierce are big Texans with Pierce wearing a mask. They would wind up in the WWF as the Godwinns if you remember them. Cactus is fresh off a world title feud with Vader and is one of the hottest stars in the company. Payne and Shanghai get things going and collide in the middle of the ring, sending both guys staggering back a bit. Pierce takes him down with a running shoulder block and let’s stop to look at each other.

Maxx slams him down, causing Shanghai to bring in Tex. Jack gets the tag as well and they stare at each other a bit more. Cactus takes him into the corner but walks into a right hand to slow him down again. A boot to Tex’s head puts him down again and it’s back to Payne. Maxx hits a BIG clothesline to take Slazenger down as the match continues plodding along. Tex charges out of the corner and hits a kind of bulldog to take Maxx down. Off to Shanghai who is immediately caught in a belly to back suplex for no cover.

Back to Cactus who pounds Pierce down before charging into the heel corner. Everything breaks down and the Cactus Clothesline puts Jack and Pierce on the floor again. Slazenger goes over the top to the floor as well, so Payne backdrops the 300lb Jack over the top onto Tex. Back in the ring and Maxx puts on the Payne Killer armbar but Tex makes the save. A double clothesline puts the Texans down and it’s back to Cactus. He ducks a Pierce clothesline which winds up hitting Tex, allowing Cactus to hit his double arm DDT on Pierce for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible and it was a step above the other tag match, but man alive this show isn’t doing anything well right now. These four guys are all big and mostly slow, which made for a dull and slow match here. Cactus was insanely popular though and kept the crowd interested in the match for the most part.

One more Clash at XXVI.

Nasty Boys vs. Cactus Jack/Maxx Payne

The Nasty Boys are Tag Team Champions but this is non-title. Payne has turned face and joined Jack in a team of strange looking human beings. Jack and Maxx are nowhere to be seen and still aren’t here after a break. They finally come through the crowd and jump the Nasty Boys to start a big brawl. Jack sends Knobbs to the floor and drops the elbow off the apron to the back. Sags comes out and gets slammed and elbowed as well.

Maxx works over on Knobbs in the ring as this is one sided so far. Jack comes back inside and hits a running forearm and it finally settles into a regular match. Jack and Maxx slam Knobbs’ face into the mat and Payne stays inside against Brian. Knobbs rakes the eyes and brings in Sags who walks into a belly to belly for two. Back to Knobbs who gets a boot up in the corner, allowing Jerry to trip Maxx from the floor. The Nastys take over with Payne being sent to the floor for a chair shot to the back from Jerry.

Back in and a double clothesline puts Payne down again and Cactus gets knocked off the apron. Payne comes back with a double clothesline to drop the champions and the hot tag brings in Jack. Everything breaks down and the Cactus Clothesline puts both Nastys on the floor. Back in and Jack hits the double arm DDT on Knobbs but Sags breaks it up with an elbow. Payne breaks that up with an elbow of his own and puts Jack on top for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match here but they weren’t playing to their strengths. Payne was a good choice as a face but didn’t have a ton of skills to back up his character. The teams would wind up having some great matches when they stopped trying to wrestle and just went with the insane brawls.

Here’s the rematch at SuperBrawl IV.

Tag Titles: Cactus Jack/Maxx Payne vs. Nasty Boys

Naturally we get the big match intros which mean nothing here. Payne was annoying and not that good. Jack is of course epically awesome. Some very hot blonde is at ringside. I’m pretty sure Cactus and Payne are the faces here. They again try so hard to make someone, Payne in this case, a big deal and it still doesn’t work. The fans are dea here despite the company trying to push Cactus as a big deal.

Two to one says the champions keep their belts. Payne was one of those guys that never did anything but was supposed to be a big deal anyway. He’s more commonly known as Man Mountain Rock in case you didn’t know that one. Who thought this was a good matchup anyway? Cactus comes in for the hot tag to clean house and the match picks up a bit.

This is far less of a match and far more of a fight, which makes sense given that the second most talented guy in the match is freaking Brian Knobbs. HOKEY SMOKE Foley got knocked from the apron to the exposed concrete and landed on his HEAD. He’s got to have a freaking concussion. He has to. So the idiot Sags kicks him in the head. Keep in mind, you can see them TONIGHT on Impact!

They have to bring up Lost in Cleveland after that. That’s a story we’ll cover someday. Think of the dumbest angle you’ve ever heard of. This is worse. This feels like one of those bad ECW matches that they have a bad name for putting on time and time again. The rematch would be far better but that’s not saying a lot. This thing needs to end, like NOW. Payne gets his armbar (yeah that’s his finisher) on Knobbs but Sags gets a guitar shot to him for the DQ to end it.

Rating: D. It’s an ok brawl but a terrible match. The Cactus bump was great but just another reason why Foley isn’t going to know his name about three years from now. Still though, this could have been far worse but it was boring as all goodness. Why have these guys try to wrestle?

Here’s the last WCW match and Payne’s best by about a million miles.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Cactus Jack/Maxx Payne

This is a street fight with falls counting anywhere so call it a hardcore match. This match is more or less epic as they more or less kill each other for about 9 minutes. I’m fired up for this. They don’t even make it to the ring. Well at least Cactus and Brian don’t. How weird is it that Cactus was probably the more normal of those two men? Cactus hits Knobbs in the face with half of a pool cue which at least isn’t metal so it’s a bit more believable.

They have two referees here which is smart for a change. There’s nothing here but violence and they’re living it up out there with it. This is a freaking war with the cameras having issues keeping up with it. Now I know I have a reputation for hating these things, but a few things to keep in mind here. Number one, the stuff they’re using isn’t incredibly over the top. There are chairs, trash cans, a pool cue (a bit of a stretch but not really) and various things they find in the arena.

There aren’t scissors or screwdrivers etc. Second, this is the culmination of a big feud between these guys. Payne and Knobbs are fighting in a souvenir stand in case you were wondering. But yeah, this isn’t just a random brawl for the sake of having a random brawl. They had built this feud up for months but it kept ending in a DQ. The story makes sense to end like this.

Third, these guys can actually work decent matches without weapons. I’ve yet to see Sabu or New Jack do so. Finally, there aren’t any ridiculous spots here to suck the life out of it. There’s no scaffold or whatever. They’re just beating the tar out of each other and you get the feeling that they want to kill each other. Good freaking night.

Foley was covering Jerry and Knobbs came from nowhere with a shovel (Jack’s trademark at the time so it makes sense) and just blasts the heck out of him with it. Sags takes the shovel and with Cactus on the ground, he just smacks the heck  out of Jack’s head with it kind of like a conchairto. Payne goes through a real table after it anyway, before it was a clichéd spot.

Rating: A-. This was freaking AWESOME. Like I said though, there were a lot of differences here that made the thing far better than your typical brawl. The main thing was the amount of brutal spots and the total lack of stopping. Watch this match as it’s just freaking awesome. This was brutal now but back then this was EPIC.

Payne would head over to the WWF after this as Man Mountain Rock, which was basically a more kid friendly version of Van Hammer. We’ll start things on Raw, January 30, 1995 in his debut.

Man Mountain Rock vs. Charlie Hunter

Rock plays his guitar before we get going. Unfortunately it’s not the awesome WWF logo model. Hunter’s shoulders have as much effect as you would expect on a guy that weighs nearly 400lbs. Rock hiptosses him down and drops a big elbow, followed by a big splash. A gordbuster ends Hunter quick.

Since that was his first WWF match, we’ll wrap it up with his last one, from Superstars on September 9, 1995.

Jean Pierre LaFitte vs. Man Mountain Rock

Now we get the WWF guitar. LaFitte is a pirate who steals stuff from fans, as well as Bret’s jacket. Rock runs him over with some shoulders and a clothesline sends Jean out to the floor. Back in and Jean avoids a charge, allowing him to tie Rock up in the ropes. That goes nowhere so Rock tries a slam, only to have LaFitte fall on him for two. The huge Rock’s sunset flip doesn’t work but he grabs a nice overhead belly to belly. He misses a middle rope splash though and Jean ends him with a swanton called Le Cannonball.

Rating: D. This really wasn’t much to see as the styles clashed badly. LaFitte wasn’t much more than a bad gimmick and Rock was way too fat to do much at this point. That suplex looked good though and he still had enough charisma to carry him through a bad match. Still though, not a good way to end his career.

Payne was a guy that was all character and very little in ring abilities. The fans dug him though and the WWF guitar was just freaking cool. He was much better when he was brawling instead of trying to have a match, but that still doesn’t mean much. If nothing else, check out that Spring Stampede street fight, which is considered one of WCW’s best matches ever.

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Required Viewing #12: I Want Violence

WarGames.

Because I have a taste for some blood. For those of you young people that haven’t gotten to see this, it’s the ultimate team violence match. There are two rings side by side and they’re both surrounded by cage, save for the space between the rings. There are two teams of five men (later four) each and one man will start from both teams. They fight for five minutes and then there’s a coin toss. The winning team (the heels literally always won) would get to send in a second man for a 2-1 advantage, lasting two minutes. After those two minutes are up, the team that lost the toss sends in its second man to tie it up for two minutes. You alternate until all ten men are in and then it’s first submission wins.

This match almost always had a ton of blood and are easily the most violent matches you would find this side of Hell in a Cell. WCW started these in 1987 and ran them through 1997 (screw that mess in 1998. That wasn’t WarGames). We’re going to be looking at the two best, though almost all of them are worth checking out.

First up is the inaugural edition, held on July 4, 1987 on the Great American Bash tour.  This is the mother of all wars as we have Dusty Rhodes/Magnum TA/Road Warriors/Paul Ellering vs. the Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon.  I really don’t think this needs a huge explanation.

 

Dusty Rhodes/Road Warriors/Nikita Koloff/Paul Ellering vs. Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon

The Horsemen in this case are Flair, Anderson, Blanchard, Luger and JJ Dillon. Flair’s music is epic as they crank the music WAY up. This is the Atlanta main event and it’s the debut of WarGames. For those of you uninitiated, WarGames is the mother of all gimmick matches. You have two teams of five and each team sends in a member. Those two fight for five minutes and there’s a coin toss.

The winning team gets to send in the third man to have a 2-1 advantage. That lasts two minutes and then the team that lost the toss gets to send in its second man to tie it at 2-2. That lasts two minutes then the team that won the toss sends in its third man. You alternate like that every two minutes until it’s 5-5 and then it’s first submission. No pins allowed.

Arn and Dusty start us off and remember this can’t end until all ten are in. There are two rings side by side with one huge cage over them if I didn’t mention that. They feel each other out a lot as they’re not entirely sure what to do here. Dusty walks on the second rope and then swings across the top of the cage to kick him in the ribs. Now they’re going and Dusty pounds away including a low blow which is perfectly legal.

There’s a DDT by Dusty and the crowd is red hot. Arn is cut open about two and a half minutes in so Dusty rakes it across the cage wall. Everyone hates everyone on the other team so this is a huge blood feud all around. Dusty sends him into the cage and has dominated the entire time. After a quick comeback by Arn Dusty gets his bad Figure Four on and then lets go of it because….well just because I guess.

The Horsemen win the toss (the faces literally never won the thing) and it’s Tully in next. The Horsemen beat him down but Dusty is booking so he knocks them both down with elbows. And scratch that as Tully gets in a knee shot and the double teaming begins. Tully puts on a Figure Four as they work over the knee. The clock seems to skip ahead a bit (no sign of clipping though) and Animal comes in to tie it up.

He starts launching Horsemen everywhere and sets Tully up for a slingshot which he rams three straight times. Shoulder block takes Tully down and Dusty destroys Anderson. I think Blanchard is busted and he gets double teamed a bit. Anderson looks dead. Animal is like screw that and rams him into the cage a few times. Flair is in to make it 3-2 and chops at Animal which doesn’t work. The number catch up with him as Anderson is back up quickly.

Sorry for a lot of play by play here but it’s the only thing you can do in matches like this one. Animal is busted. Dusty tries to fight back but he’s almost on his own. The fans are so loud that you can’t hear Tony and Jim. Dusty is bleeding and here comes Nikita. Flair grabs him as he comes in but the power of RUSSIA breaks up the Horsemen. The double ring thing here is very nice as they have room to move around. Animal sends Flair into the cage and he’s bleeding now. Dusty is gushing blood.

Nikita and Dusty work on the knee of Anderson but Nikita goes to get Tully stuck between the two rings and hits him between the ropes in a slingshot thing. Flair begs off Nikita and that doesn’t end well for the champ. A double dropkick puts Anderson down and here’s Lex. This is literally non-stop. Powerslam plants Koloff and Lex is dominating. There’s a spike piledriver to Nikita and then a second one just to kill him deader than dead. The Horsemen are in control but they’re starting to fall from exhaustion and blood loss.

Here’s Hawk and the fans erupt all over again. He destroys everything in sight and if you’re not bleeding already you will be now. Nikita’s neck is messed up and he can barely stand. JR is in Heaven with this much carnage. Flair gets a Figure Four on Dusty but it doesn’t count yet. The Horsemen only have JJ Dillon left and he’s a manger. He goes after Hawk and that’s just dumb.

Flair saves JJ’s life and they’re getting tired. Flair is bleeding a ton as if you expected anything else. JJ is taking a beating but Animal is getting triple teamed. Here’s Ellering to get us all tied up and now the match can end. Ellering has an LOD spiked pad on his arm. Dillon is bleeding BAD so Ellering JAMS THE SPIKE INTO HIS EYE. The LOD circles in on Dillon as the rest of the team runs interference. The Warriors spear his head into the cage and load up the Doomsday Device. JJ lands on his shoulder, legitimately hurting it. With Animal running interference, Hawk beats him half to death until he gives up to finally end this.

Rating: A+. This runs 26 minutes and there is literally no stopping in the whole thing. There isn’t some period where they chill because they’ve done enough. This is about brutality and violence and it works very well. There’s a ton of blood and JJ looks like he fell out of a building (for some reason in wrestling attire) at the end of it. It’s well worth seeing and still works today. Great match.

 

Next up might be the greatest WCW match of all time.  This is the blowoff to the awesome Dangerous Alliance story as Sting and his buddies are finally getting to go against the Alliance in one huge, bloody match with an all-star lineup.  From WrestleWar 1992.

 

War Games: Sting’s Squadron vs. Dangerous Alliance

Sting, Ricky Steamboat, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, Nikita Koloff
Rick Rude, Steve Austin, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Eaton, Arn Anderson

Sweet goodness there is some talent in this match.

Ok so there isn’t much of a backstory here. Back in 1992 the storyline pretty much went like this: Sting fights everybody. He feuded with about 5 people at once, most of which are in this match. At Halloween Havoc and the Clash of the Champions that came just after it, Rude showed up and stole the US Title from Sting, forming this team. Sting won the world title at SuperBrawl and the Alliance wanted it off of him, no matter who did it (it would be Vader eventually but we’ll get to that later).

Larry and Arn were a tag team and feuded with Barry and Dustin over the tag titles. Barry had also just gotten the TV Title off Austin. Ricky wanted to be US Champion, which was Rude at the moment. Anderson and Eaton had taken them from Rhodes and Windham before losing them to the Steiners two weeks before this. In short, everyone hates everyone and they don’t care who they’re fighting. Koloff is there….just because Sting needed a fifth guy more or less. He would go after Rude after this PPV.

For those of you new to War Games, the rules are pretty basic. You start with a man each and they fight for five minutes. After that five minutes we flip a coin and the winning team gets to send in their second man for a 2-1 advantage that lasts two minutes. After two minutes, the team that lost gets to even it up at 2-2 for two minutes. After that two minutes the team that won the toss sends in it’s third man for two minutes. You alternate like that until it’s 5-5, then first submission wins. No pinfalls at all. It’s a double cage over both rings and there is nothing separating the two rings, so both cages only have three walls in essence, but it’s really just one big cage.

This is the first time I’ve seen this match since I got into the IWC and since I started reviewing, so this is going to be a fresh look at it. Let’s get to it.

Everyone is at ringside for this, so I’d expect a fight out there too. There are tops on the cages too. Crowd is just insane for Sting. Good grief that face team is STACKED. In a Dangerous Alliance huddle, we hear that Austin is starting for his team. He starts against Windham and it is ON immediately. Heyman keeps running strategy and it’s cool because what he’s saying is actual strategy and makes sense.

Both guys are really stiff in there and are just pounding on each other. Austin DIVES over both ropes and hits a clothesline. For those of you that haven’t seen him before he hurt his neck and his knees became made of jelly, go find some of his stuff. He’s a totally different but still very good worker. Windham rubs Austin’s face into the cage to bust him open. There’s a minute left before the next guy comes in. Windham bites the cut to open it up more. If you can’t tell, this is a very violent match.

The Alliance wins the coin toss (check the coin) and they send their big man, Rick Rude, in to make it 2-1. Also, that’s three world champions (Rude won the Big Gold Belt which is kind of a world title) in there I believe? The heels take over and Windham is in trouble. Rude’s tights look like the Comi-Con logo. Steamboat ties it up and goes straight for Austin. Ticked off Steamboat is AWESOME. Dang  it’s nice to hear this without Tony Schiavone making bad war puns.

Windham is busted open. Steamboat and Windham are dominating here but Anderson, the best wrestler to never win a world title (arguably) comes in and cleans house. Rude and Anderson both hook a crab on Steamboat. This has been non-stop the whole time which is a major perk of it. For some reason they’re all staying in the same ring. Well with five guys it’s ok. And there goes Steamboat and Rude so scratch that theory.

Dustin Rhodes comes in to balance it out. If my math is right, he’s the least successful guy in here? That’s saying a lot. Steamboat gets Rude in a figure four, more or less making it 2-2. Zbyszko, another former world champion, is in to make it 4-3. He’s been in trouble lately for being a screw-up and Rhodes beats the tar out of him as soon as he comes in. Madusa goes up the cage and slips Arn the phone but she and Sting have a standoff on the roof.

There is blood EVERYWHERE. The mat looks like an abstract painting. Sting, who has bad ribs thanks to Vader, evens things up and press slams Rude up into the air so that his back slams into the cage five times. Sting is just whipping it here and we have two more guys left to come in. Arn gets the cage rake again and is bleeding too. Everyone is in one ring which is kind of cluttering but there they go. At least it didn’t last long.

Eaton comes in as the last man for the Dangerous Alliance. Rhodes is bleeding a ton. Windham looks quite dead. Larry is messing with the turnbuckle. Keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later. The ropes are clearly loose thanks to Larry and Rude doing whatever they were doing. Koloff comes in to FINALLY start the match beyond. No submissions could have counted until now.

Koloff is a wild card because a year or so earlier he had nailed Sting but claimed it had been meant for Luger so no one is sure if you can trust him. He pushes Sting out of the way to let Austin and Anderson hit him in a GREAT bit of continuity since Sting pushed Luger out of the way to start their whole issue. This is just pure insanity and never stopping at all.

Sting gets the Scorpion on Anderson but Eaton makes the save. They completely get the turnbuckle unhooked so there is no top rope and the buckle is just laying in the ring. Austin is bleeding like crazy. Rhodes’ tights are polka dot now from blood on them. Larry tells Bobby to hold up Sting so he can hit him with the steel bar that came off the buckle. Sting ducks and Eaton takes it to the arm. Steamboat takes Larry out and Sting throws on an armbar for the submission and to blow the roof off the place. Heyman LOSES IT and everyone gets mad at Larry as the show ends. This broke up the Dangerous Alliance because they lost this and it kind of wound up turning Larry face but more or less he just retired.

Rating: A+. This right here is the best gimmick match blowoff to a feud ever. This match was about VIOLENCE and it worked incredibly well. The ending was great, the violence was great, most people bled, there is not a single dead spot in the nearly 25 minutes that this match ran, the crowd was white hot, and the feud ended here. This was it and everyone knew it so they left everything they had in the ring. Perfection for what it was supposed to be.

 

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