Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After last year’s solid edition, the main event this year is Booker T vs. Batista. Think about that match for a minute and it just sounds like something that’s going to be dull. This is also a Last Chance match, meaning that if Batista doesn’t win the title here, he gets NO MORE CHANCES at Booker. If that’s not a sign as to what’s coming, you’re beyond my help. The other match that people remember here is Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th show so we talk about tradition and all that jazz. Then it turns into a regular video about a PPV, but a good one.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes

Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler. Mikey is Mike Mondo in ROH at the moment.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Simmons beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s off to Flair and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow for the immediate elimination of Nicky, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

Post match the Squad beats down Flair and the Legends….are nowhere in sight. Kind of a downer.

We recap Benoit vs. Chavo. Benoit came back from an injury and won the US Title but Vickie and Chavo, his former friends, wanted nothing to do with him. Chavo and Vickie didn’t like Rey making his name off Eddie’s legacy, which is true but I don’t blame Rey for it. Chavo injured Rey’s knee (Mysterio needed time off for surgery) but when Benoit tried to make the save, the Guerreros weren’t happy. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a title match. There was some nonsense about Eddie’s estate that I don’t remember going anywhere. That would be one of those worse reasons.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Benoit, the champion, pounds away to start and hits a quick backbreaker for one. Some knees to the ribs set up a snap suplex for another two. Chavo comes back with a bunch of forearms and stomps in the corner, only to get caught in the Crossface. Vickie makes the save by putting Chavo’s boot on the face. JBL: “You don’t know what she shaves Chavo.” Chavo hits a pair of suplexes for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Benoit comes out of it with a Samoan Drop of all things but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Another suplex is countered and Benoit rolls some Germans to set up the Swan Dive. Vickie grabs Benoit’s foot and the distraction makes the Swan Dive miss, sending his head crashing into the mat again. Chavo suplexes him down (again) but the Frog Splash only gets two. Benoit loads up the Sharpshooter but gets kicked off into Vickie who is on the apron. There’s the Crossface and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. That’s likely a bit low but this was a dull match. Chavo came off as more of an annoyance than a challenge here and that never makes for an entertaining match. I still shudder whenever I see Benoit take a head shot like he did off the Swan Dive as I always wonder which shot was the point of no return for him.

Watch the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember! NEXT SUNDAY!!!

Lita says that she’s done after tonight’s match (that’s actually true) and she’s glad it’s in front of these horrible fans in Philadelphia. Edge makes some Donovan McNabb jokes and says his team is going to take out Team DX. After he leaves, Cryme Tyme leaves Lita’s locker room with a box of her stuff.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending. I miss Mickie with those skirts that keep flying up. Lita slaps Mickie in the face to start, causing Mickie to choke away in the corner. The champ comes back by literally throwing Mickie around which is a bit less than what you would expect from someone as talented as Lita. Mickie goes up and gets slammed off the top as this is one sided so far.

A quick snap suplex gets two for Lita as this continues to be slow. I can’t at all complain about the upskirt shots of Mickie though. Off to a sleeper by Lita which is the last thing this match needed. Mickie gets in the ropes and avoids a charge in the corner. She goes up and is immediately suplexed down for two. Now the fans think Lita has herpes.

Mickie hits a SWEET spinning kick to take Lita’s head off followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two (and a GREAT crotch shot of Mickie). Moonsault gets two for Lita but the Edgecution is countered, giving Mickie two. They trade rollups and Mickie hits the jumping DDT to retire Lita and win the title.

Rating: D. Most of that is for getting great views of Mickie and Lita’s rocking cleavage. Other than that, this was some pretty uninspired stuff. Lita left when she should have as she had nothing left to accomplish and no one like Trish to work with. Pretty terrible match here but it passed the torch to Mickie who was indeed the future of the division.

Lita asks for a microphone and makes Lillian tell the crowd to cheer for her. She doesn’t like being booed and is glad to get to leave in front of Philly because its fans suck. Here’s Cryme Tyme with a box of Lita’s stuff they stole earlier. They’re having a HO Sale and it’s cash only. The first item sold: Lita’s yeast infection medicine for one dollar.

Cryme Tyme realizes JBL is at the announce table and offer the goods to him. He says he’s the only person in America who doesn’t have some of Lita’s panties so he gives them $100. The next item: Lita’s vibrator. Dang she’s bored in the locker room. That goes for 25 bucks and there’s only one thing left. It’s cheap, it’s wide, you can put your head in it: it’s Lita’s box. That goes for I think 20 bucks to end a hilarious segment.

Batista has nothing to say about the title match tonight. Booker attacked Batista at the contract signing and hit him in the throat with a scepter. After seeing a clip of it, Batista says he’s leaving tonight with the title.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Shawn Michaels, HHH, Hardy Boys, CM Punk

Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, Gregory Helms

This is Punk’s first major match and Jeff is IC Champion. DX plays to the crowd for a LONG time before the heel entrances. The fans of course LOVE Punk, so he gets to ask if the fans are ready. I believe Helms, the current Cruiserweight Champion, is feuding with Matt Hardy at this point. Knox has some chick named Kelly Kelly with him and at the moment, she’s an exhibitionist. Rated-RKO are the Raw Champions too so most of the gold in the company is in this match.

HHH asks Kelly to flash him and has Shawn cover his eyes. Knox comes in to stop it, Shawn kicks him in the face to eliminate him. Shawn to HHH: “Who was that guy?” Points for a funny bit if nothing else. Nitro comes in to speed things up but Shawn slides to the floor and puts his arm around Melina. We’ve got a comedy match here. Off to Jeff who works on the arm of Nitro. Apparently these two have been feuding a bit too lately.

Off to Matt so the Hardys can hit some nice double team stuff. Nitro finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Helms. Matt is slammed off the top and it’s off to Edge to stomp on Matt. Well that’s appropriate. Back to Helms for a suplex and it’s immediately off to Orton. After some very basic stuff, here’s Nitro again so Melina can SCREECH. Matt hooks the Side Effect and there’s the tag to Punk. Punk immediately starts his strikes and hits the knee/bulldog in the corner.

Nitro blocks the Rock Bottom but the second attempt (with an assist from Matt) sets up the Vice for the tap out. Edge comes in to face Punk and you can feel the internet’s orgasm coming (pun intended). Punk pounds on him in the corner but Orton guillotines Punk on the top rope to give the heels their first advantage. Randy comes in and hits a dropkick for two before it’s back to Helms. After some knees to the face, Helms hits a one knee Codebreaker to put Punk down.

Back to Orton for a slugout with Punk, resulting in the RKO taking Punk down. Why Randy can’t cover immediately isn’t quite clear but Shawn makes the save anyway. Edge gets the tag but spears the buckle. JR: “That middle turnbuckle isn’t in the match!” Hot tag brings in HHH to face Helms and the beating is on fast. A facebuster puts Helms down but the Edge-O-Matic breaks up the Pedigree. Everything breaks down and Jeff and Shawn dive on Rated-RKO.

Matt comes in with the Twist on Helms followed by a Swanton to make it 5-2. The heels take their belts and walk but the Hardys will have none of that. Team DX take turns beating up both members and it’s Sweet Chin Music to eliminate Edge. So it’s Orton vs. five guys now and Randy tries to run, but the Hardys and Punk stop him. Back in and it’s Chin Music and the Pedigree to complete the sweep.

Rating: C-. This was entertaining but when you consider the captains were in a pretty big feud, this is kind of a questionable ending. The guy that gets the big rub here is Punk, as he goes from a guy on the C show to rubbing elbows with two of the biggest stars ever and one of the best tag teams ever. Fun match here but it didn’t really accomplish much.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Basically Kennedy wants to break the legend of Taker, or about the same thing as about half the feuds Taker has had in years. It’s a first blood tonight because Kennedy busted Taker open on Smackdown recently. Kennedy got a blood bath from Taker’s magic powers.

Kennedy isn’t worried but MVP comes up and notices the vasoline on Kennedy’s forehead. Apparently these two are friends.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

I keep typing Anderson instead of Kennedy. Kennedy immediately drops to the floor to try to get an early advantage, but as soon as they get back in Taker punches him down. We head back to the floor and Kennedy gets punched over the announce table with Taker in total control. We head to the crowd and Taker hits a pair of headbutts. Back to ringside and Kennedy gets in his first big move by sending Taker into the steps.

Kennedy tries to dive off the apron but gets caught and rammed into the post. This has been almost all Taker so far. We head back in and Taker busts out a freaking superplex to put Kennedy down. The offense looks good but don’t you need to go for the head? I don’t know if internal bleeding counts but it’s the best I can come up with. Kennedy hits Taker low but Taker immediately comes back with a kick to the face.

A buckle was taken off somewhere in there by Kennedy but Taker sends him into it twice in a row. Kennedy kicks Taker low again and Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth. He rolls to the floor before the referee can see it and here’s MVP with a towel to clean up the blood. They start to walk away, but MVP throws Kennedy back in the ring which is payback for Kennedy doing the same thing to MVP on Smackdown.

Taker pounds away in the corner but Kennedy drops him face first on the exposed buckle. Kennedy starts pounding away but MVP brings in a chair to hit….someone, but it winds up hitting Taker and busts him open to give Kennedy the upset win. The fans boo that out of the building because Taker is such a legend at this point.

Rating: C. This was a decent brawl but the ending, which was to advance Taker/Kane vs. MVP/Kennedy, kind of sucks. The feud just never worked because at the end of the day, it’s two guys who are career midcarders at this point against two former world champions who can beat up anyone. Kennedy never got to the point where they wanted him to be due to various reasons, but this is the fifth former world champion he had beaten.

Kennedy beats up Taker post match but Taker snaps up and pounds him down as well. Taker WHACKS him with the chair to get a gasp from the crowd. JBL LOSES IT as Kennedy gets beaten up even more and tombstoned.

Buy Piper’s DVD! No really, that one is worth checking out. Stay FAR away from his book though. It’s HORRIBLE.

Sharmell tells Booker to be excited because tonight is Batista’s last chance.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu, Rob Van Dam

Big Show, Test, MVP, Finlay, Umaga

Let’s see. It’s Philadelphia and we’ve got Sabu and RVD on one team. Who do you think the fans are going to be cheering for? Cena is Raw World Champion and Big Show is ECW Champion. Umaga is still undefeated and a monster. Naturally Cena is booed out of the building. Cena and Umaga start things off with Cena knocking Umaga to the floor. Everything breaks down and Umaga gets a monitor to knock out RVD for a DQ. Umaga also destroys the rest of Team Cena because that’s what savages do.

We finally get down to Finlay vs. RVD but it’s quickly off to Test for some bland big man power stuff. Back to Irish dude for some stomping and then to really mix things up, MVP comes in and stomps as well. Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth as MVP puts on a chinlock. Rob comes back with a cradle for two and a spin kick to take MVP down. Van Dam kicks all of the heels including a LOUD one to Finlay. Test tries to ram RVD into the post but since he’s big and dumb, Test’s head goes into it instead. Kane chokeslams MVP and the Five Star gets the pin for Rob.

While Van Dam is getting up, Test immediately comes in and kicks his head off to make it 4-3. Test gets sent to the floor and Lashley spears him down, followed by a tornado DDT from Sabu back inside for the pin. Show immediately chokeslams Sabu to make it 3-2 and it’s time for the giants to fight. Oh joy indeed. They both grabs chokeslam grips but here’s Hornswoggle (the Little Bastard at the moment) for a distraction. Finlay clocks Kane with that club that I can’t spell so Show can pin Kane after a chokeslam. Starting with MVP’s pin, those five eliminations all came within less than two minutes. I didn’t skip anything in there.

To recap, it’s Show/Finlay vs. Cena/Lashley. Cena comes in to face the monster but is immediately taken down. Off to Finlay for a clothesline and some good old fashioned cheating. Show sends Cena flying off a headbutt and it’s back to the heel corner. After more of a beating, Cena fights them both off and makes the hot tag to Lashley. Powerslam is escaped but a spear puts Finlay down for two.

A double clothesline from Show puts Cena and Lashley down and here’s Horny again. Cena loads him up in the FU and in the distraction, Lashley spears Finlay down to make it 2-1. Both good guys take their turns on Show including stuff like double DDTs and double suplexes. JR calls Cena cock strong and I don’t want to know what that one means. Lashley breaks up the chokeslam with a spear and the FU gets the final pin.

Rating: D. As I was writing that, it felt like I was just saying what was happening and nothing special was going on. The reason it felt like nothing was going on was because nothing was going on. This match was as paint by numbers as you could ever ask for and that makes for a VERY dull match. Cena hitting the FU on Show is always worth seeing, but this didn’t work at all.

JR says that Lashley is debuting at Survivor Series tonight which is flat out wrong. To be a bit fair though, JR wasn’t on commentary for that match last year.

The Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming.

We recap Booker T vs. Batista. Booker won the King of the Ring and became a king with a bad British accent before winning the title off Rey Mysterio. He kept cheating to beat Batista and tonight is Big Dave’s last shot at the title unless he wins. Batista never lost the title in the first place and had to drop it due to injury, so tonight is his last chance to regain what he thinks is still his.

Before the match, Teddy comes out and says that if Booker gets counted out or DQ’ed, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Booker T

Booker is defending in case you’re really stupid. Batista jumps him in the aisle and the referee says you have to get it in the ring. Why? Batista can win the title via countout, so no he doesn’t need to get it in the ring. Booker fires off some chops in the corner and is immediately punched in the face for his efforts. A suplex puts Booker down but he escapes an early Batista Bomb attempt.

After Booker gets back in, Batista hits a clothesline for two. This isn’t really working so far. Booker finally comes back with a hot shot to take over before slingshotting Batista’s throat into the bottom rope. Batista comes back with some right hands but Booker pokes him in the eye. We’re about five minutes into this and it’s not clicking at all. Big Dave comes out of nowhere with a side slam for two followed by a Jackhammer. Why has no one made that a finisher since Goldberg? It’s a good power move but no one uses it really. That’s very odd.

A Boss Man Slam gets two for Batista and they head to the apron to slug it out. Cole brings up a good question: what happens if there’s a double countout or double DQ? Presumably it would be a draw and Booker keeps the title? Right? A Sharmell distraction lets Booker take over as JBL goes on a tirade about Teddy Long being racist. Side kick puts Batista down for two. We hit a chinlock to fill in some time which is probably the last thing they should do right now. Batista comes back with some right hands and a belly to belly suplex for two.

Batista cranks things up and knocks Booker to the floor before sending him into the steps. Back in and a top rope shoulder gets two. The spinebuster gets the same but Booker grabs the Bookend for two. Batista comes back with the Batista Bomb but the champ grabs the rope. Sharmell gives Booker the title, Batista takes it from him and clocks Booker with it, new champion. Yep that’s really how this ends. Not with a Batista Bomb, but with Batista cheating.

Rating: D-. A horrible match to end a horrible show is always appropriate. Batista getting the title back was probably the right move as he was insanely over and hadn’t been champion since January. This match didn’t work at all though and it was the last time Booker would be near the world title, which is probably a good thing if he’s as bad as he looked here.

Overall Rating: D-. When the second best match of your show is a group of guys in their late fifties or early sixties beating up male cheerleaders for ten minutes, your show is in trouble. There’s NOTHING worth seeing here at all and this show sucked. The other odd thing here is where the time went.

This show runs about two hours and forty minutes and the longest match (main event) doesn’t break fourteen minutes. There’s no big segment on it either so I have no idea where the time went. Other than the main event nothing is awful but there’s nothing worth watching. Either way, this is an awful show and probably the worst since the 90s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Lita

Original: B

Redo: D

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Original: B

Redo: C-

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: C

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Batista vs. Booker T

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D-

WHAT WAS I THINKING ON THOSE EARLIER MATCHES???

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2006-who-thought-batista-vs-booker-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Cyber Sunday 2006
Date: November 5, 2006
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re obviously on Sunday now as this should be a bit better of a show, at least in theory. We have a main event of Champion vs. Champion vs. Champion as Big Show vs. Booker T vs. John Cena is the main event. The vote is which title is on the line. This also has a very long Rated RKO vs. DX match on it and one of my favorite comedy moments ever in wrestling if not my favorite. All that being said let’s get to it.

The video is about how we have the power and it lists off most of the matches and the stipulations we can pick.

The first vote is who fights Umaga with the choices being Sandman, Kane or Benoit. Benoit, the US Champion, is last as Kane more or less dominates the poll with nearly 50%. And what a coincidence that these two had been feuding!

Umaga vs. Kane

Umaga had sent Kane to either Smackdown or ECW recently so again there’s a point to this, which is just so convenient no? It was Smackdown apparently. Umaga is still undefeated here. Kane can’t hurt him with a headbutt as it’s good to see that Vince is keeping up with his stereotypes. Total slugout to start and Kane no sells a bunch of stuff. Pretty boring match so far but what do you expect?

The Samoan hits a downward spiral of all things to take over. This needs to end already and we’re like three minutes into it. The running hip shot has Kane reeling. Ok apparently it woke him up. Is this supposed to make sense? A massive Samoan in your face wakes you up? Also what is it with Samoans and slamming into people in the corner?

Kane starts his comeback and has the…uh….small man in trouble. Estrada gets up on the apron to do nothing of note and Kane sits up after the Samoan Drop. This has gotten better if you couldn’t tell. He jumps off for the clothesline but jumps into the Samoan Spike and another one ends it.

Rating: D+. This got better but still not by much. It’s ok but that’s about all it was. Umaga would get a main event push very soon but it never really went anywhere either. This was a pretty decent opener I guess but the crowd was pretty much dead for it which is really weird. Kane jobs again. What a shock that is.

Show and Sharmell talk and Sharmell tries to talk Show out of the match. Oh wait she wants them to team up. This is generic and stupid but it’s standard fair for shows and matches like these.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.

Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.

Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.

Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.

Time for the moment referenced in the title.  Shawn and HHH are at a computer with Shawn voting on who should be the referee in their match tonight.  They’ve tormented Coach and Vince enough, so that leaves Bischoff.  HHH tells Shawn he’s not controversial enough anymore, sending Shawn into a frenzy.  He asks a production guys what his name is.  Production guy: “Stan.”  Shawn: “Stan?” Then he superkicks Stan.  It’s so out of nowhere that it works perfectly.  Then Shawn runs down the hall, superkicking everyone he runs into.  Youtube this.  It’s hilarious and cracks me up every time.

The next pick is for Jeff Hardy’s opponent with the choices being Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin and Carlito, who wins in a LANDSLIDE with over 60% of the vote.

Intercontinental Title: Carlito vs. Jeff Hardy

The title was getting a bit of a rejuvenation around this time before dying again soon after this due to one Santino. I think both are faces here but I’m not sure. They shake hands so I’d assume so. They do some mat/technical stuff but it’s botched pretty badly. And there’s another semi-botch. Either they’re doing a really weird style or they’re just botching a lot of stuff. Someone really wants Carlito to cut his hair.

Hardy’s rail running clothesline is countered by a dropkick in a decent looking move. Twist of Fate is reversed as this is getting better. The one that isn’t on national TV at the moment controls as we’re just waiting around a lot at this point. What we’re waiting for I’m not sure but the fans think this is boring. I can’t say I disagree. We’ve had a lot of Carlito using a reverse bearhug on the mat. Yes he’s being lazy. I’m shocked too.

From that we head to a sleeper. I bet the concession stand people are loving this. Crowd is pretty dead for this and I can’t blame them at all. I love people complaining about Cole and Lawler now as he and JR are botching a ton of lines here. Jeff makes a comeback but the Swanton hits knees. Whisper in the Wind gets two as this part at least is good. Carlito misses a hurricanrana and the Swanton finally ends it.

Rating: D+. The ending made it watchable but DANG the stalling here was stupid. They just laid around here far too long and it just was boring for the most part. It’s about 13 minutes long but the majority of that is just Carlito doing rest holds. This could have been good if Carlito wasn’t so lazy, but then again if he wasn’t he’d still be employed.

Ad for one of Hogan’s DVDs.

We recap DX vs. Rated RKO which was about Orton and Edge teaming up to take Raw back from DX and its selfishness. This was a cool idea for an angle but of course HHH got hurt as he was known to do. Naturally this allows us to have a DX montage package since that’s just what you do. The choices here are Vince, Coach or Bischoff.

D-Generation X Vs. Rated RKO

DX’s intro takes forever of course even though they come out first. Bischoff gets sixty percent of the vote, beating Vince and Coach combined. This makes me question the legitimacy here as Bischoff getting that many especially with Vince in the poll is REALLY odd. He’s going to be against DX here for no adequately explained reason. It says a lot when HBK, probably the best and biggest star of these four, is the one with the least world titles on his resume.

We see Edge’s back as Shawn pulls his tights down. We’ll he’s had it done so often to him I guess he had to return the favor to someone. HHH says he’s coming in off the top then says screw it and just climbs down. That was kind of funny. It was completely pointless but it was kind of funny. All DX to start here but I think that was more or less expected. Lots of punching here so far but we’re only a few minutes into it.

Orton is really arrogant here and is perfect as the total jerk. He’s not quite as good as he was two years before, but he was great back then so it’s hard to call him at his best. Shawn comes in and we get the forearm and nip-up like five minutes into this. Orton stops Chin Music though and crotches Shawn. He plays Ricky Morton now, which says a lot about how much the Midnights and the Rock N Roll Express changed and influenced wrestling.

Shawn’s selling really is great. You would believe he’s been run over by a bus off of every move he takes, which really makes the other guy look devastating. Naturally, Orton hits a chinlock. Shawn gets out of the way of a spear and down goes Bischoff to a solid pop. Naturally DX waits for a tag to have HHH come in even though there’s no referee. Uh…moral?

Spear takes down HHH and Edge does a crotch chop so he takes a plancha from Shawn for his troubles. RKO puts HHH down and here’s a spare referee to count the two. This all took like a minute so sorry for the commentary. Sweet Chin Music to Orton gets two since Bischoff pulls the referee out of the ring. A chair is brought in and both DX guys get popped with it and Bischoff doesn’t seem to mind. RKO on the chair ends it.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but there was just something missing. It felt rushed even though this somehow was pushing 20 minutes. The beginning is just a bunch of punches and then Shawn got in trouble, setting up the ref bump and the ending. It’s definitely a good match but this could have been more if the time they had was used more properly, which isn’t something you often have to say about a match Shawn is in.

Ad for The Marine, which wasn’t that bad.

Rated RKO says nothing of note.

The Divas come out to be told who to do. Make your own jokes on that one. It’s a lumberjack match.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Lita

Trish retired so we had a four Diva tournament to set this up. Lita is about a month from retiring at this point so she’s more or less destined to win. Mickie throws the absolute worst dropkick anyone with a great rack has ever thrown. This is horrible but at least we get to look at Mickie’s figure. Lita as a heel just doesn’t work from an in ring perspective. She hooks on a sleeper that does fairly well.

Not that it wins or anything since it’s a freaking sleeper but nice try if nothing else. Instead of a match here, Lita seems like she’s just there doing moves on Mickie with no particular rhyme or reason. The girls do their thing of course and nothing of note is going on here at all. Lita blocks/Mickie botches the Stratusfaction and Mickie gets a rollup for two. The other Divas get involved and a spike DDT ends it for Lita.

Rating: D. This was boring really. The only highlights were Mickie and Lita’s chest. Other than that we were just sitting around watching this nonsense go on and on. The match never went anywhere as it’s clear Lita just didn’t care anymore. Mickie would win the title from Lita at Survivor Series in Lita’s retirement match.

Mania is in Detroit.

Kenny yells at the Spirit Squad and says he’s better than they are so he’s the leader.

Raw Tag Titles: Ric Flair/??? vs. Spirit Squad

The vote is for Flair’s partner. The choices are Piper, Slaughter and Dusty. Piper, looking VERY old, gets the nod. Is there supposed to be a connection between Slaughter and Flait that I’m just not getting? Piper takes his shirt off and I get mad at him. How could he not tell us he was 8 months pregnant? He even has breasts full of milk! Dusty and Slaughter come out to back up the old guys for this.

Kenny and Mikey are the two in the ring at the moment. Ross says this is like Lebron vs. Michael Jordan. Well no one ever claimed Ross toned things down. Both tag and Piper is pathetic looking. Piper gets beaten up as Flair is by far the ace of the team. That’s either awesome or sad and I’m not sure which. The heels dominate for the most part while Piper just kind of lays there.

The hot tag brings in Flair and Mikey is in the figure four but Kenny saves with his top rope legdrop. Are we waiting on the Piper hot tag now? It’s clear that Flair is the only guy on his team in any semblance of shape. Figure four goes on again and OLD GUYS WIN! Dusty and Slaughter come in to stop the big beatdown. Rhodes’ music of all things plays them out. Ah ok it’s so they can dance.

Rating: D-. This was pretty pathetic really. Flair is passable but Piper was clearly just in nothing close to wrestling shape. He would at least wear a t-shirt for the rest of his time in the ring which is a nice break. They would drop the belts in 8 days to Rated RKO so at least this wasn’t long or anything. The match was bad though, namely due to Piper.

Booker tries to get Cena on his side and Cena says ok, but he wants one night with the Queen. Can’t say he’s not smart as Sharmell is rather attractive. Booker sends Sharmell out and then says ok to a HUGE shocked pop. Cena asks if he’s crazy as that’s Booker’s wife. He leaves and makes up a story to Sharmell about this weird orgy that he gets to watch. Funnier than it sounds, and Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Ad for Survivor Series, where it’s brand vs. brand vs. brand.

Some Bengals are here.

We see how all three champions got their titles in a cool package.

Basically you’re voting for who you want to win here since no title is going to be unified here. Booker wins by a landslide.

Smackdown World Title: Booker T vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Booker is knocked to the floor almost immediately and it’s Cena vs. Show for a long time. We swap that out for Booker vs. Cena as it’s clearly going to be a basic triple thread with two guys fighting for awhile as the third is down. Show gets two and Cena makes the save. A double clothesline puts the big man on the floro and something tells me that’s the last we’re going to see from him for a LONG time.

Of course I’m wrong as he makes a save off a Fisherman’s suplex from Cena. Show gets the stairs but gets a dropkick to his knee, driving his head into the steps. Ok that’s how they get rid of him. Book End gets two in the ring. Just to mess with the internet, Cena hits a belly to belly suplex and goes for a top rope splash. Lawler points out Cena has nothing to lose here which is true.

It’s been Booker vs. Cena for about 4 minutes now with Show on the floor. Both counter the other’s finisher and we’re about even. STFU doesn’t work as this just isn’t that much at all, mainly because we know nothing is coming from this since Show is going to be back eventually to stop whatever is going on here. Token plug for the Marine follows as Cena is in control.

After about seven minutes Show is finally up. That’s part of the issue with matches like these: a move like that would never keep a guy down that long but here it’s perfectly normal. A missile dropkick puts Show down and takes Cena down with him since Cena was on Show’s shoulders. Wow that came out awkward but you get the idea. Show takes over now and takes Cena to the floor.

And so much for that theory as Show gets put down (and booed loudly) before the 5 Knuckle Shuffle has Booker in trouble. FU to Sharmell as she tries to hit Cena with a belt. STFU on Booker and KEVIN FREAKING FEDERLINE comes in and blasts Cena with a belt. A belt shot from Booker lets him keep the title.

Rating: D+. Just a bad match overall. There was no way a title was changing here and since Show couldn’t stay in there longer than like two minutes at a time due to general fatness, this was a glorified one on one match. It’s a cool idea on paper but other than that it’s really not that much. The over twenty minutes did go by quickly though which was nice.

Overall Rating: D. These shows just aren’t that good. The voting thing is a cool idea but the problem comes when the matches simply aren’t any good no matter what you throw out there. The Champion of Champions match was a good idea but it was really weak given Show laying on the ground for most of it. Like I’ve said for a long time, these should be TV specials rather than PPVs. Nothing big ever happens and the tag titles changing hands is almost predictable at this point. Bad show, but not too bad.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 28, 1998
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 11,928
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final episode of the year and it only took me two years to get through 1998. I don’t remember what happens here, but my guess is that it’s not as good as what happens next week. Tonight we’re likely going to have more on Kane joining the Corporation and what the next move for DX is. Also there’s a turn coming but I’m not sure if it happens tonight or not. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Corporation saying they’re taking care of Mankind tonight. They go looking for him in what looks like the boiler room and after awhile Mankind runs out and jumps one of them. You can’t see anything because of the lighting but eventually the numbers get the better of him. Vince shouts that Mankind is fighting for the Hardcore Title tonight. Also Vince is going to fire Michaels when Shawn gets here. Ok then.

Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Val Venis

That’s not a misprint. The winner of this faces Mankind for the title later tonight. Val does the same joke he did every December: this leg is Christmas and the other is New Year’s, so come see me between the holidays. The important thing though: he got to say it, which is more than a lot of people can say today. Val jumps him to start but Roadie comes back to a big reaction. After a minute or so of not much, here’s the Corporation to surround the ring. Test comes in and bulldogs Val for a DQ. In a Hardcore Title match. Love that Russo!

Val gets destroyed on the floor until DX comes out for the save. Vince comes out to the stage and says Roadie gets to defend against Mankind. As for the rest of DX, they’re all going to pay. As soon as Shawn gets here, he’s fired. So basically we’re reiterating what was said five minutes ago.

Al Snow is still covered in blood from last week.

Kane gets a member of DX tonight.

Al Snow vs. Edge

Edge has his more familiar music now and comes through the crowd instead of doing the circle of fire entrance. Snow goes off on Edge on the floor to start but stops to have another psychotic break. Back inside and Edge pounds away, causing Snow to shout LOOK WHAT I’VE DONE. Snow slams him down and hits a moonsault for no cover. He heads to the floor and gets a chair but Edge drives Snow chest first into the chair instead. Snow comes back with the headbutts to Edge’s chest before hitting Edge with Head for the DQ. Typical Snow insanity.

The Brood and the JOB Squad get in a fight post match.

Dennis Knight (Phineas Godwin) is here for no apparent reason.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Spider Lady

A fan comes into the ring to give Sable a yellow rose. The fan would later be named Tori and she would mean nothing until she became X-Pac’s girlfriend. Spider Lady is a reference to an incident called the Original Screwjob. Wendi Richter had been Women’s Champion back in the 80s and was facing a masked woman named Spider Lady. It was actually Fabulous Moolah in a mask and Moolah shot on her and took the title, basically throwing Richter out of the company because of a real life contract issue.

Spider Lady destroys Sable before the match and there’s no bell. Sable gets whipped by a belt until the Oddities make the save. Spider Lady is unmasked as Luna. No match but I guess this is what passes for a lower card swerve. If ten people in the arena got the reference, I’d be shocked. Luna says it’s about her.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Big Boss Man

Power vs. speed here with power controlling to start via a powerbomb to counter an X-Pac rana. Off to a bearhug to the champion which is broken pretty quickly. Pac misses a charge in the corner and crotches himself on the middle rope which gets two for the challenger (Boss Man). Off to a chinlock followed by a backbreaker for no cover for Boss Man. Boss Man misses a top rope splash and Pac kicks him down a few times. The Bronco Buster hits and here comes the Corporation. Val Venis also comes out for the save and it’s a DQ win for Boss Man.

Rating: D+. This was barely long enough to rate and that’s what holds it down. Boss Man is a good size opponent for X-Pac as he’s a big guy but not big enough that it’s ridiculous like Big Show or Kane. Val coming in was a nice touch as he has a reason to be mad at the Corporation after what happened earlier tonight. This could have been a bit better with some more time.

We get a Vince training montage with him drinking raw eggs set to a Rocky sounding song.

Goldust/Steve Blackman vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

This feud will not end. Jarrett and Goldie start things off and Jarrett gets two off a powerslam. Goldust comes back with a clothesline and loads up Shattered Dreams but Jeff escapes thanks to Owen. Jarrett goes after the arm and hits a double clothesline with Owen’s help again. A LOUD nugget chant breaks out and there’s the tag to Blackman, who is immediately taken down by an enziguri and a spinning heel kick for two. There’s the Sharpshooter and here comes Dan Severn in a neck brace. The distraction lets Godlust roll up Jarrett for the pin. Another nothing match in a nothing feud.

The Acolytes are kidnapping Dennis Knight and put him in the trunk of his own car before driving off in it.

Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Ken Shamrock

The crowd is all over Shamrock to start. HHH hits an atomic drop and neckbreaker to send Shamrock to the outside. Cole goes into an explanation about rights of free speech and taking obscene signs away for some reason. Shamrock hits a spinning elbow to take over but HHH comes back with a gordbuster and a baseball slide to take out Test. Shamrock gets in some shots to the knee and HHH is down.

HHH comes back with a hard whip into the corner and a right hand to the back of the head. The jumping knee takes Shamrock down but it hurts HHH’s knee even more. There’s the facebuster but HHH has to take out Boss Man. The distraction lets Shamrock put on the ankle lock but HHH makes the rope. Shamrock won’t let go and it’s a DQ.

Rating: C+. This was REALLY hot while it lasted with the fans losing it on every move HHH hit. The ending sucks but it’s almost 1999 so you can’t expect a clean finish. The DX vs. Corporation feud went on for a long time until the Ministry rose up to be the real villains in the whole thing for awhile.

DX comes out for the save until Kane reluctantly clears the ring.

Shamrock and Gunn yell at each other.

Here are Henry and Brown with something to say. Henry apologizes to Chyna for what happened and says it was completely wrong. He gets down on his knees to beg her to come back but he gets PMS instead. They say they have plans for Henry but Brown says back off. Cue Chyna who gets in PMS’ faces and says stay away from her man. Brown is STUNNED and Henry starts jumping up and down. Jackie makes fun of Chyna and gets choked down for her troubles. She says she’ll see Mark later and smiles a bit.

The Corporation is looking for someone.

We look at the year in review, which is pretty well done. It’s a highlight package from the whole year. There’s a long section on the Cell and I can’t argue a bit with that. Austin vs. McMahon gets a lot of time as well.

The Corporation is destroying…..the Godfather? Apparently he’s facing Billy Gunn next and that’s not cool.

Billy Gunn vs. Godfather

There’s no Godfather so here’s his repalcement.

Billy Gunn vs. Kane

Kane is here against his will because he was let out of the insane asylum on the condition that he helps the Corporation. Billy goes after him but gets pounded into the corner. Billy hits the yet to be named Fameasser out of nowhere but Kane is up first. A clothesline puts Kane on the floor and here’s Shamrock with some cheap shots on Billy, including the ankle lock. There’s the chokeslam but Brisco says do more. There’s another chokeslam but Patterson asks for another. HHH and X-Pac run in for the save and the DQ.

Rating: D. This was a squash with another dirty ending. That’s the same kind of thing you get in almost every match and it’s really tiring after awhile. I know Russo likes this kind of stuff but it’s hard to sit through and it’s only going to get worse next year. Billy never had a chance in this.

Rock comes out for commentary on the main event.

Hardcore Title: Mankind vs. Road Dogg

Shawn arrives with like fifteen minutes left in the show. The match is joined in progress after a break. Rock rips into both guys and is on fire tonight. Roadie is in control to start but the Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor. They head up the ramp with Mankind in control, hitting a suplex on the stage for no cover. Mankind pulls out a table and suplexes it onto Roadie for two.

Road Dogg takes over and they head back towards the ring. That lasts for about two seconds as Mankind drops him face first onto the apron. Mankind pulls out a toolbox but it gets knocked out of his hands. Some cookie sheet shots put Mankind down as security puts a rowdy fan down. Back inside a chair to the back puts Mankind down as does a Russian legsweep onto the chair which gets two. Mankind comes back with a pulling piledriver for two and takes over again.

Another piledriver on the chair gets another two and we head back to the floor. They head into the crowd and Mankind knocks him behind some hockey boards. A shot with a monitor misses Road Dogg and he knocks Mankind through a production assistant into some boxes. Mr. Socko comes out of nowhere and the Claw puts Roadie down as Rock leaves the announce table. Mankind drops an elbow on Roadie on the table but Rock lays out Mankind with a Rock Bottom on the concrete, allowing Road Dogg to get the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This was when they were starting to get the Hardcore Title formula down and it got a lot better. Road Dogg turned out to be really good at this stuff and the matches were entertaining enough to keep the fans fired up. This was mainly to set up Rock vs. Mankind though which would be a big deal the next week.

Road Dogg is mad about winning it like that. He didn’t see the Rock Bottom when he got the pin.

Here’s Vince to fire Shawn to end the show. He calls out Shawn who doesn’t seem angry or nervous at all. Vince talks about making Shawn Michaels and then hearing Shawn say he didn’t need Vince anymore. We get a clip from March of him saying just that, talking about how Vince needs Shawn. Then last week Shawn held back the Corporation while Shane was getting beaten up. Vince says he doesn’t lay down for anybody and fires Shawn as Commissioner. Shawn superkicks Vince to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This one dragged a lot because there’s really only one major angle going on for the whole show. The DX vs. Corporation feud was going on strong but they had a BIG change the next week which changed everything for the company. It’s also my all time favorite moment in wrestling so that makes it even better. Not a great show here but it wasn’t terrible.

That’s all for 1998 and somehow it took me two years to get through it. The company had spent most of 1997 growing up and they reaped the benefits of it this year. Once the spring hit, there was nothing WCW could do to hold back the eruption that the WWF was having. With DX and Austin rising up and taking the wrestling world by storm, there was no way this company wasn’t going to go straight to the top. They took over and they kept the pressure on WCW for months on end. The next year would be the year when the WWF put their foot on WCW’s neck and pressed hard, but we’ll get to that soon enough.

I’ll be starting 1999 soon and I’ve already done the first episode. Here’s next week’s show if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/24/monday-night-raw-january-4-1999-foley-wins/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 21, 1998
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Attendance: 9,487
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re about a month from the Rumble and there are only two shows left to go in 1998. The main story for tonight is likely going to be the debut of Test last week to end the show and what it means for the Corporation, who has all the titles of note right now. Other than that we’ll likely see the return of Austin after a one week absence which is never a bad thing. Let’s get to it.

Vince leaves and tells Shane he’s in charge tonight. Patterson and Brisco will be held responsible in case Shane screws up.

Cole calls the show an action adventure series and 15 seconds in, Lawler says in case you just joined us, Shane is in charge tonight. To be fair, today you would be expected to have a recap fifteen seconds in.

Here’s the Corporation to open things up. Shane is in charge tonight tonight because Vince is off training for the Rumble. Before Shane can get anywhere, here’s DX who says Shane may have the keys to the kingdom tonight, but DX has the keys to the boiler room. Here’s Mankind but before anything else can be said, Shane wants to talk about the Outlaws. Tonight it’s Billy vs. Shamrock (non-title) and Road Dogg vs. Boss Man (non-title as well). Also it’s Rock/Test vs. HHH/X-Pac and Shane vs. Mankind. Mankind and DX crack up. Total time to make four matches: seven and a half minutes. Takes notes modern WWE.

D’Lo tells Henry to not have sex before his match but Henry says it’s cool.

Al Snow vs. Gangrel

Snow pounds away on Gangrel and the fans want Head. A kick to Gangrel’s face puts him down and he charges into Snow’s boot to put him down again. Gangrel comes back with a neckbreaker and a floatover suplex for two. Snow puts Gangrel on the top rope but gets shoved off and a cross body gets two for Gangrel. A reverse DDT by Snow is countered but he hits the Snow Plow for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a strange choice for an opener. It wasn’t a good match or anything and it was really basic. I’m not sure why this match was here unless there’s something post match. Snow was starting to get a reaction and the fans noticed it, which is why he got pushed a lot harder in 99. See? It’s not that complicated. Also take note, because it might be months before you see a 100% clean win on this show.

Post match the lights go out and Snow gets a blood bath. During the break Snow freaked out and said not again, not again. Normal night for Snow.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock

So why would Shane make this a title match? He’s in complete control and the Outlaws already beat Shamrock and Boss Man at the PPV, so why risk this? Shamrock immediately takes him down by the leg but Billy kicks Ken away. It’s a feeling out process to start but Billy takes him down with a drop toehold. The crowd is HOT tonight. The champ gets put in an armbar for a bit followed by Billy stomping away in the corner.

Shamrock takes Billy’s head off with a clothesline and it’s off to the leg as you would expect from a submissions guy like Ken. The leg goes around the post and remember that the leg was hurt in the tag match last week. After a chair is taken away from Shamrock, he goes back to strikes of all sorts to the knee. The standing rana gets two for Shamrock and a small package gets the same for Gunn. Another cradle gets two for Billy before Shamrock goes to the knee again. Ken tries a rolling leglock or something close to it, only to have Billy fall on him and hook the legs for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad at all here. Billy was a guy that had potential all the time but he never kept it going and people got tired of seeing the same stuff over and over again. Shamrock was great as a killing machine with a ton of submissions to use. You know the screwjob is coming though and here it is.

Immediately after the match here’s Shawn to say it wasn’t a title match, which makes sense in a screw you fans way. Billy moons Shawn and gets decked by Shamrock. Billy pops up and chases them away with his leg feeling fine.

Here’s Hawk with some bombs to drop apparently. Hawk admits that he has an addiction problem but now he’s clean. The surprise is that Droz was his supplier and Droz was just trying to steal Hawk’s job. Now that Hawk’s clean, Droz isn’t needed anymore. Droz comes out and jumps Hawk, who has a cast on his arm. Animal comes out for the save. This angle never clicked at all.

Henry goes into PMS’ locker room as D’Lo guards the door.

Steve Blackman vs. Blue Blazer

Blazer comes out and Owen comes out behind him. Why is this STILL going? The Blazer jumps Blackman and hits an enziguri to take over quickly. Blackman keeps going for the mask as Owen calls conspiracy last week, saying that the tape (on a live show) was doctored. Blackman makes a comeback and Owen comes in for the DQ.

Post match Goldust comes out to break up the double team. The mask is pulled off and it’s Jeff Jarrett. Ok, now no one needs to wear the mask again.

PMS (Terri and Jackie) are going to take a shower while Henry watches. Brown is getting frustrated outside.

Road Dogg vs. Big Boss Man

Road Dogg implies Boss Man and Test anally stimulate each other with nightsticks which makes Boss Man make this a title match by his own words.

Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man takes over to start and whips Road Dogg into the corner and out to the floor. He takes too much time though and Roadie gets something made of metal and cracks the champ in the head to take over. A shot with the steps hit the post instead of Road Dogg but Boss Man gets in a shot with the same piece of metal from earlier to knock Road Dogg into the crowd.

Road Dogg gets thrown into the technical area and then choked by a pole of some kind. These early hardcore matches were wild messes which is the appropriate kind of match to have actually. Back to the ring and Boss Man whips Roadie with a thick belt. Boss Man pulls out some powder and gets it knocked back into his own eyes. Road Dogg whips him with the belt and it’s back into the crowd.

Boss Man finds a fan (as in one you use to cool off a room) somewhere and gets in a shot to slow Road Dogg down. Now he’s got a noose and chokes out Road Dogg for two in the middle of the crowd. A low blow from Road Dogg stops Boss Man and he puts a trashcan over the champ before diving off a wall onto him. The noose is still around Roadie’s neck though and he gets whipped into some walls with it. Here’s Mankind from the concourse with a net to tie up Boss Man. Mankind breaks something over Boss Man’s head and Road Dogg pins him for the title.

Rating: B-. That’s likely too high but I liked this a lot for some reason. It was a huge mess and that’s the idea of a hardcore match. They had to take something from the Corporation eventually just to stop the bleeding on the other side a bit. Road Dogg was very popular so giving him a title makes as much sense as anyone else. This was a fun match too.

PMS takes Henry’s clothes off before putting a studded collar on him. They give Henry a massage with a bunch of oils followed by covering his stomach with whipped cream.

We go to a commercial and come back with Jeff Jarrett ranting about women that tick him off. This would be the character that finally got people to hate him.

Back to the sex scene and we have Henry being strapped down to the table he’s on.

Bob Holly/Scorpio vs. Acolytes

The Acolytes destroy both JOB Squad guys to start and it’s Holly vs. Bradshaw to start. Scorpio comes in and things go badly for 2 Cold (Scorpio). Off to Farrooq who helps Bradshaw with a double spinebuster but Holly distracts the Acolytes long enough for Scorpio to get up and kick Farrooq down. Everything breaks down and the Acolytes beat them up so badly that the referee just calls it a DQ win for the JOB Squad.

Shane McMahon vs. Mankind

The Stooges are here with Shane and they look scared to death because of Vince saying whatever happens to Shane is their fault. Shane pops Mankind with some lefts and rights but a single shot from Mankind puts Shane down. There’s the double arm DDT but instead of covering, Mankind goes to the floor to get a chair and the mic. Shawn is holding the Corporation back on the stage. Mankind pulls the chair back but Shane falls down before Mankind can hit him. Foley hands Shane the chair and says lay him out and make Vince proud. Shane hits him with it but it has no effect. Patterson and Brisco come in and it’s thrown out.

Mankind beats up the Stooges and grabs Patterson’s crotch. Shane gets kneed in the face and here’s Socko. The Corporation and DX come out and it’s a Bronco Buster from X-Pac to Shane.

Patterson and Brisco are worried about their bonus.

Brown tries to get Henry to come out for their match but the door is locked and Henry isn’t coming out.

Mark Henry/D’Lo Brown vs. Headbangers

I wonder how many years that head swivel added to Brown’s career. We cut to the back and Henry is still tied down while Jackie whips him. He’s also ball gagged and there are testicle clamps involved. Professional wrestling ladies and gentlemen! It’s basically a handicap match and Brown gets caught by a top rope clothesline. Brown hits a Liger Bomb out of the corner on Mosh for two. Off to Thrasher who takes the Sky High for two as Lawler is getting reports of gerbils in the back. Mosh misses a middle rope elbow but the numbers keep the Bangers in control. A double flapjack pins D’Lo in short work.

Henry stumbles to the stage in underwear and with shackles around his wrists. Brown is MAD.

Vince gets back and goes to find Shane. It doesn’t seem that Vince has been watching the show.

X-Pac/HHH vs. Test/The Rock

Before the match Shawn throws out DX. Vince comes out and says let them stay. Ok then. Rock and X-Pac start things off and Pac hits a kick to the chest and an armdrag to take over. Off to HHH vs. Test with the bigger guy (Test) looking as awkward as ever (which is pretty awkward). Rock’s distraction lets Test get in a big boot to somewhere around the face for two.

Rock comes in to beat HHH down some more and test gets two off a side slam. HHH gets in a facebuster and makes the tag so things can speed up a bit. Some kicks in the corner put Test down and there’s the Bronco Buster. Test dumps Pac to the floor and things break down a bit. Pac gets crotched against the post by Rock and DX is in trouble. Back in with Rock vs. Pac and a slam sets up the Corporate Elbow for two.

HHH comes in sans tag to clothesline Rock down, only to result in X-Pac getting double teamed. Off to Test who misses a clothesline and gets his head kicked off by X-Pac. There’s the hot tag to HHH who cleans house and hits a high knee to Rock and a facebuster to Test. Everything breaks down and HHH hits the Pedigree on Test but Rock makes the save. There go the lights and here comes Kane, who is suddenly not institutionalized. He chokeslams HHH and the rest of DX. Apparently Kane is the holiday bonus for the Corporation. The match is thrown out.

Rating: C. The match was fine and given that it’s the Attitude Era, expecting a pin or submission ending in a main event is asking way too much. Test didn’t look like anything more than a taller and slower Boss Man here, so adding in Kane sort of makes him look worthless. Nothing great to see here but HHH and Pac always had some chemistry together.

Kane grabs Chyna by the throat to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show started well but the ending brings it down for me. The Hardcore Title changing was finally something going bad for the Corporation but they come back with an even bigger win in the form of Kane. Now given that it’s Kane his heel turn likely won’t make it past the end of the year, but for now it defeats a lot of the purpose of the stuff earlier tonight. Not a bad show at all, but the ending pulls it down.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 7, 1998
Location: New Haven Coliseum, New Haven, Connecticut
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Rock Bottom and the card is mostly set. If nothing else the two main events are set and when you have Rock vs. Mankind and Austin vs. Undertaker, you really don’t need much else besides that. We’re rapidly approaching the end of the year and it’s only taken me about two years to finish it. Let’s get to it.

Cole is on commentary instead of JR who I think is out with Bell’s Palsy.

Here’s DX to open the show minus the Outlaws. HHH needs to talk about the Outlaws. If they’ve made a business decision then that’s cool, but have the balls to tell him to his face. Here are the Outlaws in suits with bottles of water. Road Dogg does the Corporate version of his schtick and the fans aren’t pleased. The Outlaws get Shawn to come out here and it’s time for the showdown of the DX bosses.

Shawn says he invented DX and says that HHH is infringing on his gimmick. He says HHH rode his coattails for years and that Shawn made HHH into a somebody from a nobody. HHH says he carried Shawn when Shawn had no business as champion anymore. HHH says that once Shawn got hurt, he picked up the ball. Direct quote from Shawn: “I’ve had balls you’ll never get to have.” Shawn says he can break HHH so HHH tells him to suck it. Tonight it’s HHH/Pac vs. Boss Man and Shamrock, anything goes. Shawn says the Outlaws are allowed to get involved. Be careful Shawn. You’re coming up on a pretty sharp swerve.

Tonight it’s Austin/Mankind vs. Rock/Undertaker. Nothing wrong with combining a few feuds like that.

Post break HHH and Pac are asking Chyna to watch their backs.

Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Jarrett gets Goldust in a striptease match on Sunday. If Jarrett wins, Goldust loses his clothes and if Jarrett loses, Debra does it instead. Did I mention Russo is booking? Jarrett jumps Brown to start but Brown comes back with a clothesline and a middle rope shoulder block. Debra distracts the referee for no apparent reason and Henry gets a shot in on Jeff. Apparently JR isn’t here because his mom died. That’s always rough.

A swinging neckbreaker puts Brown down and a top rope cross body gets two for Jeff. A Russian legsweep gets the same but Brown hits a kind of Liger Bomb out of nowhere. Here’s Goldust in a trenchcoat to flash Debra. The distraction let’s Brown roll up Jeff for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was all here for the ending and that’s ok….usually. When the payoff to a match is Goldust stripping, there’s not much ok about that at all. I’ve always been a D’Lo fan though so seeing him get a win is always a good thing. Not a terrible match here but the whole stripping thing never was exactly interesting.

Austin doesn’t like the main event.

Vince gave a speech at Oxford University last week.

Headbangers vs. Edge/Gangrel

Mosh and Gangrel get us going here as we’re told the ICP is gone. Thank goodness. Gangrel takes over quickly and it’s off to Edge who gets a quick two off a double middle rope DDT. Double teaming gives the Bangers the advantage and Edge is in trouble off a flapjack which gets two. Here’s Luna to jump Thrasher for the DQ.

For no apparent reason, Tiger Ali Singh and Babu come out to try to calm Luna down but the Oddities come out and clean house.

Mankind is talking to some chairs in the back.

The Corporation is talking to Bearer about getting Undertaker to function with Rock.

Owen Hart vs. Goldust

Owen came out of retirement last night on Heat. Hart takes his time to start due to ring rust. The idea here is that Owen looks WAY too polished to have been out of action for so many months. A suplex gets two on Goldie but he grabs a small package for the same. Owen hits his enziguri for another two and a middle rope elbow for a third two. Goldust gets in a shot but here are Jarrett and Debra with the latter in a trenchcoat. She flashes Goldust but Owen is caught in the stare too, giving Goldust the rollup win.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have a chance to get going at all and the idea was to have Goldust get paid back for earlier, but it got a twist. Not a bad match or anything, but this was more about building an angle than a match. The problem at the end of the day is that you couldn’t actually pay off the idea of nudity (unless you’re the Kat for some reason) so people kind of got tired of waiting.

Austin is walking around.

D’Lo Brown was in Europe recently.

The rest of the company was in Europe too.

Val Venis/Godfather vs. Acolytes

I don’t know if it was ever made official but I’ve heard the name for Godfather and Venis was going to be Supply and Demand. That would have been great if they ever went with it. Godfather offers a fan one of his ho’s but he’s rather short and fat. The guy gets both of them for free because apparently he doesn’t have any experience with them. The Acolytes finally come out and it’s too much of a brawl to even be called a match. It didn’t even last a minute.

Here’s Austin to the arena. Austin talks about surviving everything that Vince and the Undertaker have thrown at him and he’ll have no mercy on Undertaker on Sunday. Cue Undertaker’s music and the Undertaker cross symbol on the stage. Taker’s voice comes through the arena who says Austin is helpless against the Ministry and Taker can take Austin’s soul. The symbol lights on fire.

Mankind has a bag and is talking about Austin.

Steve Blackman vs. Tiget Ali Singh

Singh jumps him to start but Blackman comes back with his kicks to the ribs and a bad dropkick. Total squash after that as Blackman wins with the bicycle kick. This would be Tiger’s last match on Raw for about two years and I don’t think anyone knew he was gone.

Post match the Blue Blazer (falling on his way to the ring) and Owen Hart run out to beat up Blackman.

Mankind is still looking around in the back and finds Austin’s dressing room.

Mark Henry vs. Droz

Is this the night of the filler matches? Henry takes Droz’s head off with a clothesline and a BIG forearm to the chest. A charge misses and Hery goes to the floor where Droz pounds on him a bit more. Droz sends him into the steps and here’s Chyna after the guys have been on the floor for like a minute and a half. Back in and a shoulder block takes Henry down before Chyna gets on the apron. Droz holds Henry for her to hit Henry, but Chyna hits Droz instead. A powerslam and a splash give Henry the pin.

Rating: D. You can barely call this a match as it was there for the surprise ending. Chyna and Henry is a story that was fun back in the day and it still kind of is here. The match seemed to run longer than it was supposed to so maybe Chyna was late coming out. They seemed to be on the floor forever.

Post match Henry is happy.

The Outlaws meet with the Corporation again.

HHH/X-Pac vs. Big Bossman/Ken Shamrock

Anything goes here. Boss Man has the nightstick in his hand to start but throws it down to face X-Pac. Pac takes Boss Man’s head off with a spin kick and it’s off to HHH in his first match back from a knee injury. They head to the floor and Boss Man is sent into the steps as everything breaks down. Shamrock and HHH head up the ramp with HHH hitting a suplex to take over.

The match breaks down as it should given the rules or lack thereof. Back inside there’s a Bronco Buster to Boss Man as we get back to a regular tag match. Boss Man powerbombs Pac for two and it’s off to a chinlock as the Outlaws are here. Off to Shamrock who kicks Pac down for no cover. Off to a front facelock on Pac as the Outlaws may or may not be cheering for his to make a comeback.

X-Pac hits a flipping clothesline to take Ken down and the ankle lock is countered by an enziguri. There’s the hot tag to HHH who cleans house. The facebuster gets two on Shamrock and everything breaks down. Shawn throws a chair to Shamrock but Billy wants to do the honors. He clocks Shamrock with it and the Outlaws are DX. The match is thrown out even though it’s anything goes because…..well just because.

Rating: D+. For a match where anything goes, not much went. The ending wasn’t really shocking or anything if you’re paying attention, but back when I was ten years old this was a big surprise. It’s good that they didn’t do the turn for the Outlaws here as it would have made the Corporation way too strong. The ending makes no sense but I think they were hoping no one noticed. Or maybe the writers didn’t notice.

Mankind leaves Austin’s locker room.

DX celebrates in the back.

Austin goes into his locker room and finds a bag with a note. He finds a beer and the note says that Mankind is going after Rock.

The Rock/The Undertaker vs. Steve Austin/Mankind

Mankind tries to fight them both at once which goes about as well as you would expect it to. Austin comes out soon after and it’s a big brawl on the ramp. Rock and Austin pair off which is always worth a look. All four brawl over to the announce table before Austin goes after Taker. Scratch that as they’re back to the original pairings again. They haven’t all been in the ring yet and we’re a few minutes into this.

Taker and Mankind head into the ring as the other two fight into the crowd. There’s a chokeslam to Mankind but Austin distracts the referee so there’s no count. Mankind takes a beating from both guys for awhile, which is smart as he’s a master at selling like few others are. Austin finally says screw this apron thing and goes after Rock on the floor.

Back in the ring Mankind drops Taker with a swinging neckbreaker but Rock gets tagged in before there’s a hot tag. A spinebuster sets up the Corporate Elbow for two followed by the Rock Bottom but Austin makes the save. Everything breaks down and Shamrock and Boss Man come in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Star power alone carries this but I’m getting tired of these matches that don’t go anywhere because people run in before we can have a finish. The match was much more of a brawl than a match which is understandable and the ending makes sense as you don’t want anyone to lose. Well you could have Rock get pinned by Mankind to establish that the title is in jeopardy, but why do that when you can have ANOTHER run-in?

Post match the brawl continues and Mankind is cuffed to the post. Austin gets hit with the ring bell and Taker carries him on his shoulder up to the stage towards the symbol. We’ve got druids and Austin is “sacrificed”/crucified to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show depends on the view you look at it from. From one view, they did a great job at setting up the PPV as almost every match got at least a little time. On the other hand, there were practically no good matches and some of the stuff was insane, especially the ending with the crucifixion which I’ve never been comfortable with. It’s not an awful show, but it’s certainly frustrating as Russo can’t just let a match have an ending.

Here’s Rock Bottom if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/09/15/in-your-house-26-rock-bottom-how-can-a-card-this-stacked-be-a-throwaway-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2009
Date: August 23, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,129
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

With another year under our belts since the previous Summerslam, our main feuds are Cena and Orton and Punk (woo!) and Hardy. As many of you may likely know, this very well could be Hardy’s last match with the company. Our other big deal is the return (again) of DX, this time facing Legacy.

While a lot of people have criticized this, the segment that they had on Raw was excellent in my eyes. Shawn is a guy that can just come from nowhere and have a great match. The card actually looks pretty freaking sweet tonight. That doesn’t mean it’ll be good, but let’s get to this.

I liked the Summerslam logo this year. It looked a bit old school. The intro is hijacked by DX doing shadow puppets, but they freeze it on Legacy. Apparently this was the kiss cam and Cody loves Ted. Ted says ditto. So he loves himself I guess?

Anyway, they have some shenanigans going on which are kind of funny. I like the DX comedy sometimes. It’s not going to be the 90s version, so why compare it to that? It was fairly funny, involving DX breaking the feed of the intro and Shawn trying to fix it. It’s better than it sounds.

JR does the opening alone. That’s just odd. I like Aerosmith though so I’m not complaining about the music. As has become the custom, no buildup for the first match.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

I’m quite surprised this is opening. This is a rematch from NOC as well, which allegedly was brought on by Rey simply whining about not having a long enough reign yet. Based on that, I think the title change is coming here but odder things have happened before. They had a great match last month so I’m assuming this will be good too. Ziggler is growing on me, but I have a hard time getting on Kerwin White.

Rey comes out first. Why? He’s the champion. Now we get Grisham to talk so that’s an improvement I guess. I like the purple and gold on him. It’s almost reminiscent of his WCW days but not quite. I miss the big semi-circle video screen that they used to have for Summerslam. Ross forgot Ziggler’s first name. How dare he forget the real name of Ivan Drago? Ziggler’s music is awesome. How did Kerwin White actually keep a job this long?

Just goes to show you that you can’t make fun of wrestlers when they have horrible gimmicks. Other than Santino of course. He will always suck. The graphic of the belt looks very cool for some reason. Wow the IC belt is actually opening the show. That’s an odd thing to think of. Ziggler is freaking ripped. I’m getting close, dangerously close actually, to liking this guy.

Love that quick powerslam that’s done coming off of the ropes. It just looks awesome. Ok, that moonsault was SWEET. Rey doesn’t do his old style often, but when he does it’s freaking amazing. Ziggler has leopard print gloves. That’s either really stupid or really awesome. That was a pretty weak corner powerbomb. I guess Rey’s size makes up for it. This has been pretty hard hitting so far. What more can you ask for?

Apparently Rey makes a habit out of getting people in the corner and drop toe holding them. Yeah I’ve never seen him do that in the corner either. Thank you JR. Dolph just kills him with a clothesline afterwards. That looked awesome. He used a Stinger Splash. He has to be cool. Sick looking head bump on the post from it too. Rey goes for a springboard reverse crossbody but Dolph hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs. That was sweet.

This is a very good match. And there it is. We have our stupid way to get into position for the 619. My only criticism of Dolph is his offense is a bit basic. If he upgrades that he’ll be very good. He’s rocking the bad Mr. Perfect haircut though, so I’m not wild about that either. I kind of like the white ropes, but I’m not sure.

Ziggler finally avoids the springboard splash in the most basic way of all: he sits up. Why is that so complicated for some people? The fans are chanting for Ziggler here, which is surprising but also good I guess. Rey gets a hurricanrana from the top to win and keep the title in a very good match.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT opener. It was fast paced, it was solid, and the face won. I’m hyped for the rest of the show and it’s 330 in the morning. That’s exactly what an opening match is supposed to be. See how effective the IC belt can be when it’s not being used in bad comedy angles? Ziggler looks awesome here which is all you can ask for. See what they do on Smackdown? They have the veterans make the young guys look good. That’s how you keep the future going people.

Josh is in the back with Swagger and MVP who say that tonight there’s a culture clash. Both are solid on the mic here, but Swagger impresses me a lot more. He’s got the heel character down to a T and the cockiness is perfect. MVP is good, but not as good. Also, he talks about how Swagger has this great background and was a rich kid. Ok, that’s fine, but he still won with athleticism in the NCAA. Swagger won this promo war with ease and he’s making the DDP two time two time thing better.

King and Lawler say nothing of importance.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

My goodness…could it be? I mean, it’s impossible isn’t it? This couldn’t be…a regular non-title midcard match? I…I think it is! Now, can you find anyone that actually thinks MVP has a chance? His face turn has been a complete disaster as he’s just cut out to be the cocky heel. Go back to it already. After those promos, I’m looking forward to this. The opening 25 minutes to this has been pretty sweet so far.

MVP goes for the Ballin Elbow about 19 seconds into this, but because it takes longer than that to set it up, it doesn’t work. I don’t get why these two are having this match anyway, since Swagger pinned him clean already on Raw. This is a very slow paced match and the fans aren’t liking it that much. They’re way behind the face though as he’s in the Monsoon Special, which I’m sure Gorilla would find something wrong with.

Looking at it, it is pretty sloppy. Sick clothesline stops MVP’s comeback though. Into a half camel clutch which wouldn’t actually hurt but now it’s full. At least Swagger knows how to hurt people. Ok, Swagger gets knocked down and MVP sets up for the Ballin Elbow. I timed him on this: SIXTEEN SECONDS from the time that he got in position to the time it connected. That’s over 5 pins. Seriously, could you not just cover him in that amount of time?

They fight a bit more…and MVP wins clean with the playmaker? What the heck? MVP actually won this thing and he did it clean. How in the world did that happen? I’m genuinely surprised by that, and I don’t think it’s in a good way. AGAIN they mention the chick from The View. WE GET IT!

Rating: C. This was fine, but short and surprising. It certainly wasn’t bad, but at just 6 and a half minutes they didn’t have the time to get anything going. There were some bad spots in there too where it was just flat out boring, but luckily they were quick. Again, not bad, but it’s really nothing special. It felt like a Raw match.

Don’t try this at home. Good advice actually.

Luke Perry is here. I don’t care.

We get a recap of the guest hosting thing, which I think has gone well. ZZ Top was awful but other than that, I think it’s gone well. I still want to murder Dr. Ken though. It’s worked for one simple reason in my eyes: for the most part, they’ve gotten people that either have a ton of charisma or seem like legit WWE fans. That’s all you can ask for really.

Nancy O’Dell reads off a script about her charity. Yeah that’s fine. It’s for ALS, aka Lou Gehrig’s Disease. She talks to people like Freddie Prinze Jr…and that’s it. She’s apparently going to host Raw in the future. I’ll be reading something that night. She’s very annoying.

Tag Titles: Big Show/Jericho vs. Cryme Tyme

Speaking of annoying, I don’t like the champion’s new music. This has actually been built up pretty well I’d think, with Show being the partner to replace Edge when he got hurt. It seemed to me that was a last second decision, but whatever. Cryme Tyme is one of the oddest teams I can ever remember. They’ve never actually done anything, so maybe they will here. I’m not holding my breath though.

Actually, this match has gotten the third most build, which isn’t what I expected. However, I’m certainly glad to see a tag title match getting this kind of TV time. It’s what the belts really need. Again the champions come out first. Jericho runs down celebrities in general. Isn’t he a celebrity as well? Oh apparently he’s a superstar, which isn’t a celebrity. That…doesn’t make a lot of sense.

For the second time in 2 minutes we hear that they have over 40 titles between them. Show looks like he’s losing a bit of weight. That’s a good thing. Cryme Tyme interrupts Show’s promo. Remember what I said about the show being good so far? They just ruined it. They’re just freaking annoying to say the least. What have they ever actually accomplished? Oh yeah they got fired for being annoying.

JR makes another reference that no one gets. There’s no way that the faces are winning here, due to reasons of suck, but maybe at least we can get a decent match out of it. Yeah that’s not going to happen I don’t think. Jericho goes for the walls but instead goes for a slingshot. JTG just kind of jumps on him, which looks sloppy and stupid as usual. Grisham says that they’re trying to turn Hollywood into Holly-hood. Take me now.

JTG has to stay in there longer than he should simply because Shad sucks. He’s a beast as far as his look goes though, and he’s able to stand up to Show in the size department. Yeah he’s a lot better on defense. Show is freaking scary to say the least. Jericho whispers a spot to Shad which looks really bad. It’s never good when it’s on a major PPV and a veteran has to carry a team that’s been around as long as Cryme Tyme has been.

I think that’s my real issue with them: they’ve been around for a good few years and they just never get any better. The full nelson is applied, and of course we have the eternal question: WHO WAS NELSON? Maybe Babyface Nelson? Anybody? Anybody? I’ll be here all night. Jericho puts another hold on him, which makes sense because it’s really all Shad can do: get put in holds and sit there. It’s a scary thing when JTG is the bright spot of the team. Yeah this team is awful.

Jericho gets him in the Walls, and amazingly, he doesn’t tap. Seriously, can they bury this move any more than they already have? It’s just stupid how it doesn’t work on anyone at all anymore. When’s the last time someone tapped to it? Anyway, Show hits the punch for the knockout and Jericho gets the glory.

I’m really starting to like this team dynamic as Jericho does all the talking but Show wins the matches for them. At the very end of the segment, Ross mentions Big Show is undefeated at Summerslam. See, that is an interesting stat, and it would have been a lot more interesting at the beginning of the match.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was boring. Shad is just flat out awful, and JTG is just ok. The only reason they get over is their gimmick and nothing more. That’s just flat out boring in all aspects and nothing good comes of it. I can’t stand them and there was just nothing they could do here to make this interesting at all.

Ad for Breaking Point. Interesting concept, but I’m not sold on it. The main events only thing makes me feel better though.

Josh is with Punk who says a movie script he found called the Jeff Hardy story. He runs down LA and the lifestyle there and elsewhere, which yet again, rings amazingly true on so many levels. Every single thing that Punk has said in his promos has been true, and it’s amazing to say the least.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Again, no transition at all. I like Kane’s music here. Once Kane is in the ring, we actually get a long recap, which could have gone…I don’t know, before his entrance so it’s not him just standing there in the ring? This is an intriguing match to me as they’ve had a fairly long build with no official match. That’s a nice plus for a change as it gives this a bit more of a build. Now, if they manage to have a passable match, then we have proof that HBK/God vs. the McMahons was indeed a tag team match.

The reveal of Singh as Khali’s brother was pretty boring but it gives it a bit of a reason for being around Khali so much. Hopefully, this will be short and painless, but I’m not betting on that. JR mentions that Kane is on a four match winning streak at Summerslam. See? That’s another interesting stat and it makes you wonder if he can extend it here tonight. It’s small, but it adds a tiny bit more to the match and might get people more interested in it.

That’s what a commentator is supposed to do: offer insight. When you watch a DVD and listen to a special commentary, you’re listening for insights, maybe some numbers or stories that you wouldn’t know otherwise. That’s what wrestling commentators are supposed to do, but it so rarely happens which is a shame. JR says it’s a bowling shoe match, meaning we’re sorry that this is going to suck so badly.

A lot of this is just Khali showing off how strong he is, which is fine I guess, but I’d like more action. Khali misses a bad looking legdrop and then just sits there. He doesn’t sell anything or anything like that, but just sits there for the low dropkick. Kane apparently sees evil and likes it. I guess that’s why See No Evil sucked: Kane just wasn’t motivated. They fight over their respective chokeslams but that goes nowhere. Oh this is bad. It’s just so freaking sloppy.

To be fair though, what do you expect from two monsters like these? Khali with a sick sounding chop. The top rope clothesline puts Khali down and gets two. He doesn’t really kick out but it’s implied his shoulder was up. JR brings up an interesting point: if Khali quit in his language, would the referee understand it? Amazingly, the Khali chop isn’t enough for a pin. Geez Khali’s hands are freaking massive.

Kane hits a running dropkick to the knee and a running DDT for the win. That finish was kind of awesome actually. I love that Kane didn’t use a bad chokeslam to win it. That’s what I want to see more of in the WWE today: wrestlers winning with moves other than their finishers. It’s not really that hard to do and it works very well I think. Do it more often.

Rating: D+. Oy this was bad indeed. It was very sloppy, but the ending made it a lot better. Also, it was less than 6 minutes. See, that’s intelligent booking. You know these two aren’t going to have a great match, so keep it short. That makes a lot of sense and it made things a lot better than they could have been.

Some hot woman from a talk show is here. Slash is here too, so it’s closer to making me care. Robert Patrick is here.

We hit the recap button on DX vs. Legacy. This one is pretty short. HHH kept getting his teeth kicked in by them so he said he’d make one phone call. It wound up being about three but he eventually found Shawn as a cook in a diner in San Antonio, in what I thought was a very funny segment. This was followed up by Legacy actually beating them down in a run in on Raw a few days prior to this which at least made this look possible.

Oddly, the stuff about him being a cook is completely omitted from the recap video. What we do get though is a bunch of clips from some of their old exploits which have absolutely nothing to do with this feud or match. For some reason people were hoping that X-Pac or someone like that would return. People, the old DX is dead. All you’re going to get is these two buffoons, so be happy with it and let go of the past already.

Also, this really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. They’re going to have decent matches and it’s going to help Legacy look legit if they win a single match, which is a good thing. DX can do whatever they like out there and they’re going to get cheered. What else can you ask for out of them really? It’s HHH against someone not named Orton. Be happy.

DX vs. Legacy

Now this is for some reason considered one of the main events. Why? What makes this one of the big matches? Yes, Shawn is back, but when HHH returned against Booker in 2007 it was a midcard match and that was fine. I get that it’s the third biggest match by default, but that doesn’t mean it should be. I’d put the tag titles above this as they’ve had far more build, but whatever. Anyway, let’s get to this.

Ok, I’ve heard great things about the DX intro, and I’ll admit, it was awesome. Basically, it’s an army theme with a bunch of troops coming out in a jeep and firing off guns. Then the stage splits apart and DX comes out on a tank, launching of a bunch of fireworks. The fans are WAY into it and it’s cool. Everything is loud and big here and the crowd is screaming. That’s what you’re looking for here. The fans are the most important thing at the end of the day and they’re loving this.

Screw the people that think the return of DX was stupid. It’s cool and it’s working. The glow sticks are a cool idea too and I’m surprised it took this long for them to be invented. It takes about 5 minutes, but so what? The reaction was awesome, so rock on. Legacy is the evil opponent here, but they have some sweet music. It’s not as great as their 39th song, but it’s better than theme 341B. The announcers point out that this is a huge chance for Legacy and they’re absolutely right.

DX is a team of two hall of fame members, and Legacy are young guys. This is their chance, so hopefully they don’t get crushed. Naturally, HHH starts going strong which makes sense as he’s the face, so why wouldn’t he be in control at first? Oh apparently the right knee of HHH is his vintage knee. That’s good to know. Shawn gets tagged in to a big pop. Apparently the fans think something of this guy.

He does a cool spot where he fakes Cody out when Cody goes for a leapfrog but Shawn gets slapped. That was stupid don’t you think? There’s the return slap that you knew was coming. Legacy is controlling the match. That’s a lot more than I expected them to do actually. HHH is in now and not dominating. This is being worked slowly towards a big ending. That’s a truly lost art in tag team wrestling today.

I’m liking this: DX gets momentum and Legacy keeps stopping them. See, this is how you build a tag team: you let them look good. That’s what veterans are supposed to do: make young guys look good. DiBiase uses a chin lock. Good to see those Orton lessons paying off. It amuses me that as a tag team, Legacy is light years more successful than DX has been. Legacy is I think 3 time tag champions?

DX has definitely never won a tag title. What does that tell you? Lawler says this isn’t what DX had in mind. Yeah they were looking for some Chinese Checkers. Legacy is doing a great job here of keeping HHH in the ring. That’s very old school and it’s working quite well here. We get the boo yay punching sequence which I always kind of hate. Shawn gets the tag in. Cody goes for the Shawn elbow, which apparently is him stealing the move.

I love how they make no issue of Shawn stealing it from Savage who was winning world titles with it before Shawn debuted in the WWF. DX is actually in trouble here and the announcers are putting them over huge, which is all you can ask for. The crowd starts wooing as Shawn puts on a figure four. Cody hits Crossroads on Shawn, which is actually a pretty good name for his finishing move I guess. Rhodes takes a Pedigree as Shawn takes Dream Street.

Dang I actually couldn’t tell Legacy apart there. That’s not a good sign at all. In one of the fastest endings I’ve ever seen, Shawn hits Sweet at least 4 inches from Cody’s Chin Music for the pin. Yeah that wasn’t even close. Literally they were both just standing up and leaning on each other then Shawn took a step back and kicked. Yeah he missed but maybe the air knocked Cody down?

Rating: A. This was a great tag team match for many reasons, but the big one was that Legacy was made to look legit. This wasn’t like when DX dismantled the Spirit Squad week in and week out. Legacy had me believing that the upset was indeed possible. DX made them look good here in a very good 20 minute match. DX should have won, but they won the right way here. That was by far Legacy’s biggest and best match ever, and they brought their best. I’m impressed with both teams.

Ad for the WM 25 special on Saturday which is going to bomb.

ECW Title: Christian vs. William Regal

Not a ton of backstory here. One night on the Abraham Washington Show, a talk show segment on ECW, Regal was simply announced as the #1 contender. 5 days prior to this, he hooked up with Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson to form a trio with the only real thing in common being that they’re heels. This should be ok I guess. I still have no clue what the massive appeal of Christian is, although he’s had some decent matches lately.

I feel so sorry for the ECW announcers. Literally, we haven’t heard their voices until now, an hour and 40 minutes into the show. Also, yet again the champion comes out first. That’s just odd. Regal comes out with his two big henchmen.

Jackson’s heel turn was just odd as he was a face for all of two weeks and he was never an actual face at that. All that being said, it’s a 10 second match. Regal gets hit with the Killswitch and is out. Jackson and Kozlov are you beaters tonight. I prefer the Weasleys, but that’s just me. They half kill him here as the name Regal’s Roundtable is used. I like that…kind of.

Rating: N/A. Regal doesn’t belong on a major show like this, so I have no issues here at all. I’ve heard a lot of people complaining about how this was a disgrace and what not like that. Hogwash, this was great. Number one, the exact same thing happened last year as the ECW Title match got 33 seconds. Number two, this got the people’s attention and it made them believe that a match could end at any time.

That’s one of the major evils in WWE right now: there’s no point to watch the first 10-15 minutes of a world title match as it’s always going to go longer than that. Here you have a match where if you turn around to pet your cat the match is over. That’s brilliant. Number three, there was no build at all here. This gives you something to further the angle so you can have a rematch next month. Number four, people are talking about this now.

Isn’t that the point of any match? Number five, EVERYONE knew Christian was retaining here. How awesome does this make him look as champion? He beat an established veteran that fast with one move. This was a stroke of genius, not a disgrace.

They air some video about some F list celebrities and a charity event the roster was at. I won’t make fun of charity events, ever.

Let’s thank Aerosmith for our pointless theme song.

We get something resembling a recap of last Monday where they were tag partners. Cole says that Orton showed his true colors by attacking Orton after the match. EXCUSE ME? HE IS A FREAKING HEEL! HE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN THE TEAM IN THE FIRST PLACE! How is he showing his true colors by doing what he’s done the whole time? My goodness Cole does it cost you money to think or something?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Well, at least it’s not HHH again. Basically, it’s pretty simple. Cena won the beat the clock thing to get here, and no one is surprised at all. In a rematch from two years ago, let’s do this. Cena runs to the ring which is kind of odd indeed. He gives his hat to his Marine co-star. Great way to get over with the kids there Johnny Boy. Orton comes out to a chorus of mostly boos. Why does the title graphic spin when the belt itself doesn’t?

My goodness I love the big fight introductions. They just work on all levels. After those, we get our recaps. Yeah that’s actually a bit better. It doesn’t waste as much time. They start off on the mat which actually goes pretty well. That’s something you rarely see from these two and while they’re hardly Kurt Angle, that was pretty good. Orton puts Cena down for awhile and when Cena is trying to get back up, it really looks like he’s trying to give Orton head through the tights.

I know that’s said a lot, but this is the closest it’s ever gotten. Orton takes FOREVER to drop a knee which looks like he’s going for a splash. It’s a new move, so of course it’s vintage. I have no problem when it’s actually a vintage move: HBK’s forearm, the facebuster by HHH, Old School etc. However, a move by Orton that he’s bene using for a few months at most? Give me a break. It’s a misuse of the word and insulting to my intelligence.

Cena hits You Can’t See Me, even though I can see him the entire time. This match is FLYING by. It feels like there was no intro or build and we’re already in the middle of it. That’s not good. FU doesn’t go and Orton hits a powerslam, called a scoop slam by Cole, to get back in control. They flat out say the WWE Title is the more valuable title. At least they admit it. Orton goes for the same knee and this time Cena gets out of the way. At least he’s intelligent.

I really don’t like this referee. He has that hitch in his count and it’s just aggravating. Orton hits that elevated DDT which I love as it’s a move that the ropes actually make better. Orton’s eyes really are great when he’s setting for the RKO. Facial expressions can make or break a match. Edge, Orton and Punk are some of the best there are at it. Punt misses and Cena hits the throwback. He hits the top rope legdrop about as well as he ever has, which is to say he actually connected with it.

Apparently Cena throwing his hands up and jumping up and down means FU now. It’s double clothesline time to make this a bit boring. Why is it only on a double clothesline that they’re devastating moves and not something that the guy pops up from? The fans seem confused as to who to cheer for. Orton shoves the referee, rolls to the floor and grabs his belt and leaves. Now we have where this match has been getting destroyed since Sunday.

I say that as Lillian is on screen making me think I should rephrase that, but at the same time maybe I shouldn’t. Within seconds, she’s received word from Vince…but she trails off. She then announces Orton as the new champion, when she was supposed to say still champion. That’s a major screw up and I think it’s because they blew the spot and tried to do too much at once.

Cole tries to cover as fast as he can, and NOW we get the orders right as Vince has said that if Orton gets disqualified Cena wins the belt. More on that later. So the match is restarted and Cena is dominating. Orton goes to the floor and asks for the belt, which is dropped at first, and then he walks to the back saying that he’s done.

Ok, now we’re restarting it AGAIN, and now if he gets counted out we have a new champion. Ok, how in the WORLD did she get word that fast? Both finishers are teased but Orton gets a roll up with his feet on the ropes to steal it.

OR DOES HE?

Another referee comes out and says that Orton has his feet on the ropes, so the original referee says this doesn’t count. Ok wait, back up. What about all the times when it’s said that the referee’s decision is final? If that’s the case, then one of two things should happen. #1, no match can end until the referee has had a chance to go back and rewatch the match, or #2, no decision is ever final since if the referee’s decision is final, then he could in theory go back and reverse it at anytime.

In other words, if the referee can reverse his own final decision, then couldn’t a referee go back and reverse something from years ago? If he has final say I don’t see why not. Guess what? It’s another restart. Best sign of the year: This is Why I Watch Smackdown. Preach it brother. STFU is put on and we get the rapidly becoming infamous moment as a “fan” (it’s Ted DiBiase’s brother Brett but that’s not revealed until tomorrow night) jumps into the ring.

Ok, reasons why this is clearly fake. #1, everything stops. In a real situation like this they just keep going. #2, they put the camera on the guy. That makes it fake as whenever this happens, the cameras go off and you can see the fans all watching the guy. #3, they talk about it. That NEVER happens.

#4, and most important of all, given the fact that the match has been restarted 3 times now, do you really expect this to be real? That was my biggest reason. It’s too unrealistic (and that’s saying a lot given this match) for it to have not been planned. Orton hits a quick RKO for the pin.

Rating: B-. For this rating, I’m factoring out all the insanity and I’ll explain why in just a second. Without all that stuff, this was a bad match. It was boring, it was very rushed, and it just wasn’t entertaining. However, I blame a lot of that on the booking, which is what killed this for me. The rating is fairly up there because a lot of the rhythm was taken away by stupid booking. Lillian messed up her lines, and that’s fine.

She had three freaking sets of them. This match suffered horribly from being overbooked. Why do you need the three restarts if you’re going to do the fan thing? Do one or the other, not four things. It’s too confusing, it takes too long, and it’s just freaking stupid by the end. The fan run in thing would have been fine and actually pretty creative if not for the other three restarts.

Why do you need to have so much stuff in the world title match? It makes things look silly to me and it just makes thing far more complicated than they need to be. The match was bad, but the grade will be high because I think a lot of what was bad was based on the booking of the match and not what the wrestlers were doing. In essence, they had to remember four finishes. That’s asking too much of any wrestler and I think it had a lot to do with them not being that on here.

We recap the Punk/Hardy feud, which has been AWESOME.

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

This has been one of the best feuds in recent memory for a few reasons. One, it’s Punk at his best. Two, the clash is so natural that it’s great. Three, the matches have been great. It’s possible Hardy is done after this, so I’d expect a new champion. Punk lost the title to Hardy at Night of Champions in what I would call an odd choice after Punk delivered one of the best promos I’ve ever heard that had me cheering in my room.

Anyway, this is a TLC match, which actually plays into the two time MITB winner’s hands I’d think. Thankfully this has gone on last. Other than some lines from Ross about how Hardy is addicted to adrenaline, it’s a standard hard hitting spotfest that you’ve grown to know and accept in these places. Hardy has some mixed reactions here as I think it’s gotten out that he’s gone. Do announcers not pay attention?

Why are all ladders the biggest they’ve ever seen? Did you know Jeff is like smoke being poured through a keyhole? I’m not sure if you caught it the first 10,000 times Ross has said it. Yep and there it is the major spot, as Hardy, for about the fourth time in his career, goes to the huge ladder and hits the super swanton. Yeah it looks cool, but dang we’ve seen it way too many times. Why didn’t Punk move either?

He wasn’t tied down and it took Hardy longer than it takes him to smoke a bowl to get up there. More commentary problems as this is going on too. Hey, in case you didn’t see it, here’s 15 replays. Hardy is being taken out on a stretcher. I guess that’s how they’re ending him? Yeah that’s…different I guess. While this is happening, Punk starts climbing. Hardy pops up to go after him though.

I love the powers of recuperation that wrestlers have. Punk is hopping up the ladder and it’s just hysterical looking. He looks like a freaking rabbit. Hardy takes a straight fall down off the ladder as Punk takes the belt to end the show. Sweetness indeed. The announcers of course try to make this out to be completely epic. JR sounds like he’s ordering dinner. Way to show emotion there buddy. No wonder you’re in the Hall of Fame.

Before we go though, the gong rings. Taker pops up from under the ring and chokeslams Punk, who is somehow STILL not being respected as champion. Yeah I don’t like this. Match was good though. Post match, a gong strikes. Taker pops up from under the ring and chokeslams the new champion to end the show.

Rating: A. This was a great match and a great way to end the show. It wasn’t complicated like the last show and to me shows why Smackdown is way ahead of Raw right now. This wasn’t all drama and over the top stuff. Sure it was a gimmick match, but it was about the match and not some big screwjob.

At the end of the day, the best way to get over and have a good match/feud is to have good action, not good stories. The last two matches are a classic example of that, and Smackdown did it right while Raw failed.

Overall Rating: A-. This was a VERY good show. It’s not great, but it’s close. The worst match of the night is Kane/Khali, but it’s at least watchable. They kept it short which was smart. The tag title wasn’t much but they kept JTG in there for the majority of the time which is certainly the right thing to do.

Other than that and the STUPID booking for the Raw title match, I really liked this show for one reason: it was about the in ring stuff. That’s the solution to any wrestling company’s problem. At the end of the day, have good matches and the fans will be happy. The matches were good and I’m very pleased with this show and it gets a big recommendation.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Unforgiven 2006
Date: September 17, 2006
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 16,105
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

For some reason this is a very requested show, so here it is. This is a two match show for the most part as Cena goes for the world title against Edge in a TLC match where Cena will be the HUGE heel. Also here we have DX vs. the McMahons and Big Show in Hell in a Cell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that match all the way through so that’s a nice little bonus reason to watch this show. Other than that there’s just not much here, but then again 06 was only an ok year for the company. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about those two matches which is exactly what you would expect it to be about.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Jeff Hardy

Wow talk about two different career paths. I’m not sure who gyrates more: Hardy or Melina. They mention Jeff’s three year absence, which was when he was in TNA, but we can’t say that name so there you are. Long feeling out process to start which is fine if they have time to work with. Nice armdrag and then another by Hardy as we get the obligatory Ricky Steamboat reference.

Nitro plays the standard heel role by hiding on the floor when Jeff gets momentum. That’s such a basic thing and it worked very well. I don’t get why more people don’t do it. SWEET slingshot dropkick to Nitro and he hits the floor. Baseball slide takes care of him there too as it’s all Hardy. Nitro hits a dropkick to Hardy while Hardy is on top to take over though. DAng Melina can scream.

He works on Hardy’s knee which is rather smart given the style of offense he uses. Top rope twisting moonsault (Starship Pain but from the top rope and without the leg split) misses and we’re back to even. Whisper in the Wind hits very well and Nitro is in trouble. Swanton hits clean but Jeff’s leg is hurt and Nitro gets his foot on the ropes. Nitro keeps working on the knee and even gets a leg/ankle lock.

Melina gets up on the apron and down she goes thanks to Nitro which gets a rollup for Hardy for two. She can however take her boot off and apply it to the face of Hardy to make sure Nitro wins. Ross gets in a jab at her which is rather amusing for some reason.

Rating: B-. Competitive but this went nearly 20 minutes which is a very long time for these two. It’s pretty good but for some reason it just never clicked. The ending is fine though as it’s basic heel stuff which never gets old. What more can you ask for in a match as far as basic face vs. basic heel stuff? Solid, Cruiserweight style stuff which is a good idea.

Marine stuff, which wasn’t a bad movie.

Matt gives Jeff a pep talk and Lita shows up and insults occur.

Kane vs. Umaga

Oh yay. It’s this match again. They claim this is Umaga’s PPV debut. That’s idiotic as he had been at Backlash, 4 months before this. I was kind of there so I think I’d know. Estrada is annoying which is the idea so he’s got that right at least. The introduction takes about 5 minutes. Who would guess that Kane would win the world title before Umaga would?

Kane punches him back into the corner to start and it’s a slugout. Big boot to the face does almost nothing and then Kane sits up after a kick from Umaga. Some Estrada interference lets Umaga take over, which sucks because I was enjoying the whole neither can do anything at all. King compares this to Godzilla vs. Mothra, because both of them resemble large butterflies.

The running flying hip smash connects and Kane is reeling. And of course such a high impact move is followed up by a thumb to the throat, which is SO DEVASTATING! It appears that all Kane can do is punch. Him vs. Rocky Balboa could be amusing. A flying thumb to the head misses from the middle rope. I do enjoy that flying clothesline from Kane. Then again I like Kane in general so there you are.

Chokeslam is started but almost blocked. More striking and then Kane hits a belly to belly (!) over the top to the floor and they head into the crowd. I think you can put the rest together for yourselves. The brawl keeps going, resulting in absolutely no conclusion at all. They brawl into the set and go through a door in it, ticking off the crowd immensely.

Rating: D+. Kane didn’t care at all at this point and can you blame him? He had no reason to as he knew he wasn’t getting elevated at all no matter what he did. He was stuck in these dead end feuds with random people that meant nothing such as this one. Umaga would go on to fight Cena for the world title in a few months while Kane just did hims thing over and over again. He’s a company man, you have to give him that.

We go to Vince in the back who is watching a tape of him hitting and then pinning HHH on Raw. He and Shane want to destroy DX which they’ve been trying to do all summer now. The idea is that Vince does nothing but gets to do the pin.

Raw Tag Titles: Spirit Squad vs. Highlanders

The Highlanders were really funny in their vignettes and then debuted to a nice reaction. This is more or less the peak of their importance. Rory (the other is Robbie) looks like Mad Dog Vachon from a facial hair perspective. Imagine Scottish Bushwackers. That sums them up pretty well. Kenny and Mikey are the Squad members here today. All Highlanders so far.

This really isn’t much of a match as you can more or less feel the screwy ending coming soon. Robbie misses a dive and the three other guys beat up Robbie to take over. Crowd is DEAD. The top rope legdrop from Kenny misses as this needs to end like now. Rory gets the hot tag which is lacking heat and hits his finisher on Mikey. After a save Johnny kicks Rory in the head and an X Factor (by the beard no less) ends it.

Rating: D. And so what? That’s what I was thinking when this match ended: so what. Who cares that the Spirit Squad has ANOTHER win using the same stuff they’ve used every time? It’s just not an interesting dynamic for this long, and then at the end of the day Piper and Flair wound up taking the titles from them. That’s the best they could do? This division was long since dead at this point and that was very clear.

We recap the Vince vs. DX feud which went on forever and was pretty badly received. It just kept going and stupid stuff that DX was doing was “breaking” Vince. Steve Austin kidnapped Vince, destroyed his car and threatened to shoot him and Vince never broke. And yet this is enough to get us to a Cell match?

Big Show/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. Degeneration X

Does anyone else have an issue with Vince and Shane and even Show being in a Cell match? Does that just not fit right with anyone besides me? Show is ECW Champion at this point. This is a different kind of cell too as it’s not as wide but taller. Maybe it is as wide. Double low blow immediately on Show and DX takes over. I have a feeling this could go on for a very long time.

Shane gets launched into the cage as HHH beats up his father in law. Shane is busted open already. Show’s balls must be throbbing since he’s still down. All DX so far as Vince gets his face grated over the cage which is a great spot as it’s painful looking and draws blood too. You can’t beat that. Show is back up and HHH does his jump over the top in the corner which always looks good.

Shawn hits a dive but it gets caught. I love power spots like that. How can you fake catching a grown man like that when he’s launching himself down at you? HHH drops a knee on Vince and it CLEARLY misses by at least 4 inches. Vince not moving an inch didn’t help things. Really bad camera shot there as it totally exposed everything. It looked fine to the live fans I guess, but terrible from a TV perspective.

Apparently HHH has a bad ear, which is a rare injury. Vince is bleeding and Shawn goes into the cage. Things have slowed down a lot here. JR calls the fence a javelin catcher. Where does he get some of this stuff? The weapons are brought in, starting with a trashcan. Coast to Coast hits HHH and DX is more or less dead.

Shawn is brought back in and Vince gets to punch on him a bit. Shane hits a slingshot on HHH to launch him into the cage. Vader Bomb to Shawn from Show. Vince picks him up though and then does it again. You imbecile. HHH comes back after a decent rest and it’s low blows for everyone. From out of nowhere Shane gets a torture rack of all things into a neckbreaker on HHH.

Everyone is down until a SICK enziguri takes out Shane again. Vince of course lowers his pants to try to get Shawn to kiss up to him. HHH makes a save but too much Big Show stops that. Shawn manages to avoid a splash with a nip up and Vince takes it. DX takes out Show with a bunch of low blows and here’s the big comeback. They do all their favorites and HHH gets some chairs from under the ring.

They Pillmanize Shane’s neck which would have killed him in kayfabe but whatever. Show comes back to stop the kick as this is going too long. Actually it isn’t as the length is helping to a degree. Chairs and steps plus chin music take Show out again. Vince is all that’s left so DX pulls down Show’s shorts. You know what’s coming. There doesn’t appear to be a thong either. You can’t say he won’t do whatever it takes for his company.

HHH busts out a sledgehammer just for fun. Superkick hits and HHH breaks the hammer over Vince. So between that and attempting to murder Shane, how many years in prison is that for them? Pin is academic. Shane is taken out on a stretcher, as is Vince, which gets cheers. I’ll give them this: that’s how you END a feud.

Rating: C+. It was entertaining, but this just didn’t feel like it belonged in a Cell. If there hadn’t been so many people it would have fit in a regular cage better. This wasn’t bad, but it just doesn’t measure up to everything else. The kissing thing hurts the whole nightmare part a lot. This was a good match, but after the attempted murder, cheering them is kind of hard. It’s ok but it doesn’t work if that makes sense.

The post match stuff takes like five minutes.

Mania is in Detroit.

We get a package on Trish, as her retirement match is next. It’s her hometown, so what do you really think is going to happen? If nothing else the highlight reel of her hotness is nice. The story is that Trish wasn’t going to announce the retirement but Lita told WWE.com so that Trish couldn’t have her moment, which is different if nothing else.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

If she’s going to go, this is how you do it: in your hometown against your rival for the title. Both of their theme songs freaking rock. Lita is announced from Atlanta which sounds weird. LOUD Thank You Trish chant before the music even hits. She gets the loudest pop for a Diva ever, period. This really is a cool moment and her stumbling up the steps is awesome too.

Lita gets booed out of the building and I had to grab my headphones to get the loudness out of my ears when Trish went on offense. Thesz Press off the apron to Lita and I can’t get over how hot this crowd is for this. I know it’s a big deal but DANG they’re loud for it. They changed the mat during the video package so that the blood is gone, which is nice since the stains on the mat get annoying later on.

Lita’s looks never worked that well with bangs. In a cool spot, Lita blocks the headscissors out of the corner and Trish winds up sitting on Lita’s lap in the corner as they punch each other. Never seen that before. They fight even more on the top and Trish goes to the mat. Moonsault misses and the Stratusfaction is missed too. A fan at ringside actually asks Trish to marry him as she’s down. Well he’s certainly trying.

Trish is in trouble as they actually tease her losing here. That’s rather amusing. JR mentions she’ll be in the Hall of Fame, which better be true. If she’s not they might as well close off any other Divas. They slug it out which is something these two can actually make believable, which isn’t often said of the ladies. BIG old kick to the head of Lita gets two.

Sweet move by Trish as Stratusfaction is reversed but Trish twists PERFECTLY in midair into a sunset flip. The sunset flip part isn’t great but the twist was nice. It gets two, but Trish gets the freaking SHARPSHOOTER and the crowd absolutely loses it. Lita almost gets the rope but Trish drags her back to the middle for the tap and the title.

Rating: A. This wasn’t for the match, although it was good. This was about a last moment, and I’d love to hear a way to go out that is better than this. In her hometown, using the most famous move in the history of the country, she beat her archrival and broke the record for most Women’s Championship ever. That is what you call epic. Good match too, but that’s expected from these two. Crowd was awesome too.

Everyone gives Trish an ovation, including Lillian, Jim and Jerry. Lita would retire in like 3 months, killing the division once and for all.

There’s a season premiere of Smackdown. I think that was the Friday debut.

Orton is in the back and gets a mixed reaction, even though he’s a heel here. He says no one cares about her retirement unless you’re Canadian. Orton REALLY can’t talk yet here and it shows badly. He has Carlito next. Odd interview and not in a good way.

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

I still like Burn in My Light better than Voices. This is more or less the apex of Carlito’s WWE push. Standard stuff to start which is fine. Randy takes over and we get an RKO chant. I love Canadian crowds. So much for that Randy takes over aspect as Carlito hits some nice springboard splashes. Both guys have nice dropkicks also. Orton’s mouth is busted, which today would bring a match to a screeching halt.

It’s chinlock time, which was more prevalent back in the day if you can believe that. Carlito hits a Downward Spiral which is a required move in this company I think. RKO is countered into the Backcracker and is told they have two minutes left. To end it, Carlito does a double springboard into a spinning clothesline. It doesn’t hit though as Orton pulls him into the RKO in a SWEET counter. Awesome ending to a bad match.

Rating: D+. This was rather boring. It’s nothing great at all as the whole thing was about the ending. Carlito was a rather odd worker as he had such a different style but it just never clicked for more than like one match in a row. This was rather short and didn’t really ever get off the ground, but after the long celebration with Trish they’re likely short on time.

We recap Edge vs. Cena, which is happening because Cena wants the title. The idea is if Cena loses here to Edge in Edge’s hometown then he goes to Smackdown for three years. There’s also a new belt here as Edge threw the spinner belt in the water. He has a new spinner with an R on it. This gets the music video treatment. Oh and Cena’s dad got beaten up by Edge.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Oh and it’s TLC. Let the Vince hardon begin. No coat for Edge here which is weird. BIG pop for Edge. I really want to see him as a face again. It might have helped to have him be a face for more than like two months or give him more than just shouting SPEAR over and over again. They start booing before Cena’s music even hits. Nuclear heat on Cena.

I love having the ladder and chair set up on the tables around the ring. That’s always a perk for some reason. Cena just being a two time champion is great. You can barely understand Lillian over the pop for Edge. Ross makes a good point and asks what Buddy Rogers would think of a TLC match. I’d counter with what would he think of the belt that spins with a big R on it.

LOUD booing for a simple headlock. This crowd is awesome. Impaler hits but since it’s not 2000 anymore that move is just average. I’ve never gotten that: how can a move like that just lose its power? Cena goes into some chairs and Edge is loudly cheered. You’ll get used to that tonight. Ladder time as Edge is mostly dominant. I’m getting tired of me saying things and then them changing immediately. A hip toss puts Edge onto a ladder and the American takes over.

It has always confused me a bit how people always talk about experience in these kinds of matches. How much experience do you need to climb a ladder? Sunset powerbomb through the table is kind of botched as the table isn’t there so they hit mat instead of table. A powerslam does it instead. These matches are hard to review as you kind of always wind up just listing off spots and it gets rather repetitive.

Edge runs up the ladder and hits a dive over the top to take out Cena which looked awesome. One man Conchairto is avoided by Cena, resulting in the cheering from fans over the lack of massive head trauma. STFU with Edge inside a ladder, which actually would hurt which is nicer than the figure four around the leg which wouldn’t really add a lot of pain I don’t think.

Cena hits an FU on the ladder. As in the ladder was across his shoulder and landed on Edge who was on the mat. Edge takes over again and sets Cena on a table then sets up another table on top of that. Nothing happens with it though, so I’d bet on that being the big finish. The BIG ladder is brought out and Edge is down, so Cena has to inch up the ladder.

SPEAR to take Cena off the ladder. It’s not quite the one to Hardy but it’s not bad at all. They fight over big spots near the ladder and Edge hits the floor. Cena almost gets the belt but Lita makes the save and Cena takes a big old fall to the floor and through a table. Lita messes up though and causes Edge to go flying through a table as well. FU to Lita and it’s time for Miley Cyrus’ big song from last year.

The double stack table is set up again but for no apparent reason at all as Edge is down on the floor and Cena is capable of climbing. Both guys on are the ladder and in a fairly famous visual now, Edge takes the FU off the ladder through two tables. Cena grabs the belt, which he would hold for the next full year plus.

Rating: B. I thought a higher grade at first but this feels more right. It’s definitely a good match and worthy of being a PPV main event, but it just feels kind of anti-climactic. Cena defies the odds again and wins the title? It’s not bad or anything but it just lacks that spark I guess you would say. Very intense match though with some very nice big bumps. This is worth checking out.

Overall Rating: B. It’s definitely a good show and the two huge matches are definitely a good way to sell the show. This has some issues with it but for the most part it’s good. Trish’s moment is probably the highlight of the show actually but the whole stupid spot in the Cell match just stopped that one dead. It’s worth seeing and is definitely entertaining but not a classic or anything. I’d consider this a good popcorn show if that makes sense.

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 13, 2006
Location: M.E.N. Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 15,266
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is happening for one reason: my girlfriend was at the show and asked me to review the show. At least I have a reason for it this time which is more than I can usually say. This is just after the McMahons vs. DX war ended but we still have Coach around to mess with them, so I think we have a show long angle cooking. Let’s get to it.

Here’s DX to open the show. HHH says there have been some loud crowds in the UK but Manchester is going to be the loudest. He does the usual intro but says he doesn’t have anything new to say this week. Shawn takes the mic and says what you can do if you’re not down with that. HHH says DX has made a list and both male McMahons and Bischoff are checked off said list. They make references to the end of last week’s show and we get a clip of Bischoff having his head shoved up a scantily clad area of Big Dick Johnson. JR: “That was controversial and it created cash!” Shawn appears to be getting sick after seeing that again.

That only leaves Edge and Orton on the list, but here’s Coach with something to say. DX can forget about the yet to be named Rated RKO tonight. The fans boo him out of the building and DX makes fun of him for trying to ban them from the building. Coach is drowned out by the crowd again. He says he’s put out a bounty on them worth $10,000. HHH: “You cheap bastard!” Coach makes a handicap tag for right now.

D-Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Viscera/Trevor Murdoch/Charlie Haas

This is joined in progress after a break with Shawn taking Haas down with a shoulder block. A hip toss puts Haas down and Shawn grabs a headlock. Shawn and HHH are in street clothes and it’s off to Cade who is chopped in the corner. Murdoch comes in and kicks Shawn’s head off but he jumps into a boot in that stupid move that gets on my nerves.

Shawn can’t make the tag as Viscera comes in with a side slam which gets two for Haas. A hard kick to the back gets two and it’s back to Cade for a chinlock. Shawn fights up and an enziguri lets him tag his male life partner. House is cleaned and it’s spinebuster/Pedigree for the pin on Haas.

Rating: D+. What in the world were you expecting here? This is why the feud with the McMahons over the summer wasn’t that well received: almost no one can give DX a run for their money in a straight match so there was a revolving door of midcarders to face them in handicap matches. That’s why Rated RKO was such a big help as it gave them people who could realistically challenge Shawn and HHH. Matches like these though were just there to give DX new people to beat up.

Kenny tells the three members of the Spirit Squad not in the upcoming tag match to get the bounty.

We cut to DX in the back and a Squad member (Nicky I believe, more famous as current Mr. MITB Dolph Ziggler) charging at them, only to miss completely. Shawn hits him with a trashcan lid and HHH hits Mikey with the same lid. HHH and Shawn have a quick pow wow, talking about how this is going to be a long night. They take a step towards the camera to avoid a diving Mitch in a predictable yet amusing spot.

Highlanders vs. Spirit Squad

The Highlanders were a Scottish team that you don’t need to remember. This would be Johnny and Kenny for the Squad. Robbie and Johnny get us going and down goes Johnny via a headbutt. Off to the bald Rory who gets two off a cross body. Johnny rakes the eyes and it’s off to Kenny who was supposed to be the breakout star of the team.

The Squad double teams Rory down and it’s off to another chinlock. Rory sends Kenny into the top rope (JR: “Does anyone have a last name anymore?” Jerry: “You just have initials.”) and it’s a hot tag to Rory. Everything breaks down and the Squad sends Rory to the floor so Kenny can roll up Rory for the pin.

Rating: F. From a technical standpoint this was fine, but I literally cannot think of a match that I have ever been less interested in. This match had absolutely nothing at all that made me care. I mean there was nothing at all in here that made me want to see any of these people wrestle again. This was a failure in that regard, which is a horrible result for these guys, and none of them would have a job in WWE two years from the date of this show.

We recap last week where Lawler had to wrestle a match against Chris Masters while being handcuffed to the top rope. Therefore tonight, Lawler is taking the Masterlock Challenge.

The Challenge is right now apparently. Masters takes forever to put it on and then it’s just like everyone else that has been in this. Hey, did you know Masters was really strong? Clearly it’s his fault that the gimmick never got over when that was all he was given to work with for years.

DX is in the back when Eugene comes in to try to claim the bounty. HHH hands him a roll of paper towels. Eugene punches the door and then charges into a food table.

Lita says she’ll beat Mickie James tonight.

HHH tries to use the bathroom but has to beat up Chris Masters instead.

Umaga vs. John Cena

Todd Grisham has jumped in on commentary to replace Lawler now. Umaga beat up Maria last week until Cena made the save. Cena is world champion and Umaga is undefeated here. The champ can’t hurt him to start and Umaga takes him down with an uppercut. A Samoan Drop puts Cena down and it’s time for a nerve hold. Cena fights up and hits the Throwback before knocking Umaga into the ropes ala Andre. Estrada tries to interfere but here’s Big Show (looking like he ate Umaga) for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t so much a match but rather angle advancement. Cena and Show were Survivor Series captains in a few weeks so there’s your explanation. This would be the Rumble main event as well as I think Armageddon where Cena had the classic man vs. a monster formula down to a tee. I still can’t get over how huge Show is though. I know he’s big today (August 2012) but he looks SLIM compared to how he looks in 2006.

The monsters destroy Cena.

DX comes in to see Coach and they already have a Benny Hill style video recap of the last hour. DX says Coach wins and they’ll leave, but Coach says they don’t get the $10,000. Shawn steals the money. Ok then.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Hardy is challenging after Bischoff cheated to help Nitro get the title a week ago. Jeff grabs a headlock to start but quickly switches to the arm. Nitro is sent to the floor but misses a slingshot splash coming back in. Jeff pounds away in the corner but Nitro bails before the Swanton can be launched. Jeff is like screw that and dives on Nitro on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Jeff dropping the leg between the legs for two. Nitro comes back with the kick eventually known as the Flying Chuck for two and it’s chinlock time. Jeff grabs a quick sunset flip out of the corner but Nitro clotheslines him down again for two. Back to a chinlock by Nitro but Jeff breaks it pretty quickly again. Jeff makes a comeback but misses Whisper in the Wind to give the champ control again. A reverse powerbomb gets two for Nitro but he jumps off the middle rope into a powerbomb from Hardy which gets the same. Cool looking counter though.

The Swanton hits but Melina has the referee. Ross freaking out over it makes me miss him as compared to the laid back attitude of Cole. Nitro hits a neckbreaker but an AJ Styles Spiral Tap gets two. Jeff counters the pin out of nowhere into a rollup for the pin and the title. That came so fast that I almost had to rewind the video.

Rating: C. Not a great match here but it seems like it would have been better live. Hardy is a guy that is awesome when he’s flying around out there but Nitro wasn’t ready to be a real threat to him yet. Melina’s screaming gets very annoying very quickly but then again that’s the idea. Nitro would get better when he became John Morrison.

Nitro beats up Hardy post match and pulls out a ladder to further the attack with. I think I smell a rubber match.

DX is outside and HHH thinks they should use the money to go inside and buy tickets. They find scalpers instead (in the form of Cryme Tyme) but HHH can’t understand them. Shawn says he speaks jive. I wonder if they’ll catch an Airplane home after the show.

Carlito is reading a paper in the back when Torrie and some Daily Star (the paper he’s reading) girls come in. Apparently there are scantily clad women in there but Carlito says he’s reading the sports section. Torrie asks him out and invites him to stay in her hotel tonight.

We run down the Survivor Series card.

DX buys all the DX shirts from the merchandise stand. They throw them into the crowd and apparently my girlfriend caught one HHH threw.

Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is Women’s Champion but this is non-title. DX is in the front row now. Apparently Mickie has to have her feet shackled together for some reason. Mickie says after the match Lita can have the shackles because she needs her legs tied together. Lita jumps Mickie to start and the champ is in full control. DX starts a Lita’s A Ho chant as this is completely one sided so far. The champ goes after them and slaps HHH but he sprays mustard on her. Back inside Mickie hits Lita with a salami (I kid you not) and hits the jumping DDT for the pin. Not really funny but good upskirt shots of Mickie are never a bad thing.

With Lita still recovering, here are Orton, Edge and Coach with the final of those three ejecting DX.

Tag Titles: Rated RKO vs. Ric Flair/Roddy Piper

Flair and Piper took the tag titles from the Spirit Squad so that they could drop the titles to Rated RKO. Seriously, would ANYONE expect the old guys to retain here? I know it’s spoiling things early, but dude come on. In case it wasn’t one sided enough already, Piper comes out first and gets double teamed with a chair by Rated RKO. Flair comes out to fight off Orton but Edge hits a Conchairto on Piper, making it a handicap match.

There’s a WOO banner that is longer than the side of the ring. That’s pretty impressive. Edge starts and Flair’s chops only get him so far here. Off to Orton who pounds Flair down in the corner some more. This is domination so far. A clothesline puts Ric on the floor where Orton suplexes him to follow up. Back inside and Edge hooks a chinlock. Flair ges a low blow on Orton so it’s back to Edge who gets chopped down. Orton misses a dropkick but as Flair loads up the Figure Four, Edge spears him down for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. The match sucked, but as I said earlier DX needed a credible pair to fight and giving Orton and Edge the titles gave them something to fight over. There was zero drama here and it wound up being a five minute squash. Edge and Orton would hold the titles into the new year until Shawn and Cena won them. HHH would get injured (again) in the big match between the teams but the idea was right.

DX runs out for the save and beats up security to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a tricky one. It’s not what I would call a good show as the best match (the IC Title) was the only one with any significant length. That being said, you can’t say stuff didn’t happen here as we had two title changes and a show long story. Cena was a complete afterthought here other than for about five minutes, but DX was entertaining so I’m not that angry. This is by no means a bad show but there’s nothing on it great. It’s a show that would be better served if you read the results online and Youtubed some highlights.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: September 5, 2006
Location: Columbus Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Tonight we get really EXTREME as DX is here to face Big Show, which is basically a preview for Unforgiven and their Cell match which will also involve the McMahons. Other than that we have Heyman punishing RVD and Sabu for existing by putting them in a tag match against Knox and Test. Then again that might be punishment for all of us in general. Let’s get to it.

DX arrives to open the show. Shawn: “You think this is the place?” HHH: “Bingo.”

Sabu/Rob Van Dam vs. Mike Knox/Test

Extreme Rules. Sabu and Knox start because you have to tag in an EXTREME rules match. They have about as technical of a match as Sabu has ever had before it’s off to Van Dam. Knox comes in as well and pounds away as Sabu loads up a table. He gets a chair as well as Knox drops a freaking elbow for two. This match is already boring me to death and we’re only two minutes into it.

Test comes in with a clothesline and sends Van Dam to the floor. The Originals hit a nice slingshot legdrop and Rolling Thunder combo as things breaks down. Van Dam hits a top rope kick to break up Sabu being thrown through the table. Through a series of counters everyone but Sabu winds up on the apron. He springboards off the chair to take all three of them down and through said table in the first good spot of the match.

Back from a break with Test hitting Sabu with a chair for no cover. Van Dam blasts Test with the same chair and Surfs it into the corner. Knox breaks up the Five Star with a chair shot and hits a superplex. Sabu breaks up the cover with an Arabian Facebuster and puts Knox in the camel clutch. Van Dam kicks the chair into Knox’s face but Test saves the pin. Sabu hits Air Sabu in the corner and Test falls onto the chair. Triple Jump Moonsault gets two. Another table is brought in and the Originals mess up the legdrop/Five Star combo through the table so only the Splash hits and gets the pin on Knox.

Rating: D+. Those of you that have read my stuff over the years know that I am by no means an ECW fan. That being said, Van Dam and Sabu are at almost no fault here. Test and Knox sucked the ever loving life out of this match and brought it through the floor. They were the perfect idea for heels in ECW but that doesn’t mean they were interesting in the slightest. I can’t stand those two and I’m sure they’ll be pushed even more in the future.

Kevin Thorn and Ariel pull a tarot card which reveals sexuality. Are they ever going to do anything with these two?

Here’s Striker again to talk about Sandman. He says that last week brain prevailed over brawn and that he’s smart enough to never go swimming with stingrays. This would be the day after Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray so the fans give Striker more heat than ever. Here’s Sandman so Striker runs away. Sandman writes SUX under Striker’s name. What biting commentary.

Balls Mahoney vs. Stevie Richards

Kevin Thorn comes to commentary for some reason and Ariel grinds on Joey a bit. Balls pounds him into the corner to start but Richards clotheslines him down for two. A neckbreaker gets the same and Richards takes over. A bad X-Factor gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Balls slaps the mat which doesn’t count as a tap out for some reason and they’re back to their feet. Mahoney makes his comeback but has to stop to hit Thorn for some reason. A cane shot to the head of Mahoney gets the pin. Too short to rate but it was more about angle advancement than anything else.

Punk slaps Moore and calls him a poser. Yeah this is who they gave Punk for his first feud.

Big Show vs. D-Generation X

The world champion doesn’t even get an intro. Extreme Rules here, at least until Heyman comes out and says it’s a regular match. DX doesn’t have to tag here so they try to double team Show as much as possible. They get him down with punches but a double suplex is just a bad idea. Show takes over with his usual power offense, chopping both guys in the chest HARD.

DX tries to speed things up but the security guards pull the ropes down. HHH goes after them before they can beat up Shawn but Show pulls Shawn back into the ring for the one on one beating. HHH is down in the aisle and Shawn gets put in the bearhug. Show loads up the chokeslam but HHH makes the save. The Game fights him down and manages a kind of spinebuster as Shawn is back up. He dives onto the security guards but Show blocks the Pedigree. Hardcore Holly of all people comes in, and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. This was like a preview of some sort but it was nothing interesting at all. For what was called the biggest match in ECW history, I was expecting more than a five minute match with Hardcore Holly coming in for the save. Nothing to see here as the match sucked for the most part, followed by a bad ending.

Shawn gets beaten down until HHH gets his sledgehammer for the save. DX stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This was probably the worst show they’ve had in the few months this has been on. The main event was basically a preview for a PPV match involving Raw guys and the other featured match was slow and boring because the new ECW guys absolutely suck. Punk was only here for about 20 seconds so there was almost nothing to care about here. Awful show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 23, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the 1000th weekly episode of a show that airs year round which makes it the longest running show with as many catches as they can think of, as long as you don’t count shows like WCW Saturday Night or Memphis Wrestling’s Saturday morning show which ran for about 30 years airing new shows. There’s A LOT to get through tonight as we have a wedding, Lesnar, Rock, DX and other legends appearing live, and Cena vs. Punk for the world title. Let’s get to it.

We open with one of those always awesome WWE montages of past Raw moments. I’ll set the over/under of moments from 1994/1995 at about 2.

There’s a new logo for Raw tonight and for apparently one night only, there’s a different song, called Tonight is the Night.

We start the false advertising right away, with Vince opening things. The video wall is different too, with HUGE walls on the side of the Tron now. Vince thanks us for 1000 shows and brings out DX complete with a hybrid of the old and new entrances. Shawn and HHH come out to do the entrance but Shawn is having issues because he’s old and out of breath before the crotch chop.

They talk about having their DX merchandise on and asks each other if they’re wearing underwear. After assuring that they are, Shawn still thinks something is missing. HHH thinks there used to be more of them, drawing a BIG pop. Complete with military invasion vehicle, here are the Outlaws and X-Pac. They do their usual lines (complete with Road Dogg censoring himself on Billy’s nickname in a very nice bit) and HHH points out that he’s the only one left with a full head of hair.

Billy and Shawn aren’t sure who should say the final line. Billy: “He never really gave me that much but I was good at this.” Shawn says the same so HHH pulls Billy aside and says that Shawn might lose his smile and go pose for Playgirl again. Shawn: “I NEEDED THE MONEY!” They agree to do it at the same time….and here’s Damien Sandow. That’s the perfect choice too. He says this is what WWE has disintegrated to and how low society has gone: people like DX are now revered. Shawn says he’s going straight to church and asking for forgiveness….AGAIN!

Sandow understands that DX could destroy him but if they do so, he won’t be a victim. He’ll be a martyr. HHH calls for a DX huddle but Sandow tries to listen in. Sandow: “That’s very rude.” HHH: “We’re rude guys.” HHH goes to talk but it’s Sweet Chin Music and Pedigree for Sandow. Billy and Shawn get to do their line and that’s it. GREAT opening segment and absolutely hilarious.

Here’s JR with a goatee. Cole is fine with him now.

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

The difference in pops for Cara and Sheamus is staggering. We’re joined in progress with Cara in trouble from Ziggler before it’s off to Jericho for a chinlock. Cara gets a rollup for two but Jericho knocks him right back down. We get the posing cover for two and a BIG reaction before it’s off to Del Rio. The heel team works on Cara’s back with Del Rio hooking a chinlock with a knee in the back. Cara hits a tornado DDT and it’s hot tag to Sheamus. He cleans house on Jericho, hitting a running kneelift.

Irish Curse is kind of botched but the second attempt connects for two. Everything breaks down and Rey knocks Del Rio to the floor, hitting a seated senton off the apron. Sheamus and Jericho are the only two left in the ring and White Noise is countered into a failed Walls of Jericho. Codebreaker is countered but the Brogue Kick misses. Ziggler drills Jericho (intentionally) to break up the springboard dropkick and the Brogue Kick finishes Jericho at 4:26 shown.

Rating: C+. Other than the main event, expect a lot of these matches to be short and sweet tonight, which is the right move on a show like this. Cara getting to rub elbows with guys like Mysterio and Sheamus is a great thing for him and it should do him a lot of good. This was fast paced and fun, which is the right idea.

TOUT IT OUT!

Charlie Sheen is the social media ambassador and is on Skype with us here. Sheen thinks he’d fit in with DX. That’s a perfect fit actually. He doesn’t sound like he has any idea what’s going on but he doesn’t seem bored out of his mind and that’s all I can ask for.

We recap the wedding buildup from last week.

AJ is getting ready in the back with Layla and she asks if AJ is ready. AJ says yes she is and yes she’s mentally stable. Everyone is a bit off out here and she opens the door to prove it. Jim Duggan is talking to someone and R-Truth and Roddy Piper holding a jump rope for Little Jimmy. Then, in perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on Raw, MAE YOUNG AND A FULL GROWN HAND ARE HERE!

Someone delivers Sonic to Jerry Lawler. That’s kind of awesome.

Brodus Clay vs. Jack Swagger

Brodus brings out DUDE FREAKING LOVE. Brodus is in a USA themed singlet tonight. Swagger misses a charge, gets suplexed, and the splash ends this in 19 seconds.

It’s time to dance, complete with a tye dyed Socko to Swagger.

HHH is in the back with Trish Stratus who I don’t think people recognize. She demonstrates Yoga to him and shows HHH how to bend over when DX comes in. They don’t know what to think but Road Dogg says they’ll wait in the rear. Pac stays around and hits on Trish but it goes nowhere.

Daniel Bryan is talking to what appear to be orderlies.

We open the second hour with the wedding. Jerry is the master of ceremonies for some reason. The reverend is SLICK! Lawler was just introducing Slick apparently. Slick looks BAD. Here’s Bryan first, to his theme music of course and in a white tux. AJ comes out as normal, minus the skipping. Slick goes into Jive Soul Bro mode and says that marriage shouldn’t be entered into lightly but AJ tells him to get to it. We get the speak now moment and half the arena starts booing. Slick: “Wooooooow. I never heard that before.”

The fans chant no but Bryan has a speech ready for AJ. Once they’re married, he’ll have everything he’s ever wanted. The ring goes on AJ’s hand and he says he does. AJ says yes before she’s asked a question. Slick is about to say they’re married but AJ says wait. She wasn’t saying yes to Daniel, but rather to someone else. Someone else proposed to her earlier tonight: VINCE MCMAHON???

Oh wait he’s just interrupting things. Scratch that as apparently he did propose to her, but it’s a business proposal: AJ is the new GM. Now that’s something I didn’t see coming. AJ hands Bryan the flowers and skips off to her music. Vince only said GM of Raw so I don’t think she’s in charge of Smackdown too. Bryan freaks out and breaks a lot of stuff.

Post break and Bryan is still freaking out, shouting NO at everyone. Cue Punk for likely a hearty laugh. He laughs about Bryan getting left at the altar and says that AJ is going to be GM. Punk: “You can continue to throw a tantrum. I’m going to continue to be WWE Champion.” Bryan says Punk isn’t even the best in the ring tonight and says that Bryan is the best of all time.

Cue The Rock for a rebuttal. After a lengthy intro, Rock says Bryan doesn’t get to say who the best of all time is. The fans get to say that, and guess who they chant for. Rock does the FINALLY bit but Bryan cuts him off because he can say anything else. He doesn’t know who Rock thinks he is but Rock cuts him off as well. Rock says he won his first WWE Championship here, but he’s not here to talk to Frodo right now.

Instead he wants to talk to Punk, because at the Royal Rumble, he’s got the world title shot. That gets almost no reaction for some reason. Punk says that’ll be him because he’ll defeat Cena tonight. Tonight he’ll end Cena and he’ll beat Rock at the Rumble. Bryan says no because it’s supposed to be about him and it’s supposed to be the best night of his life.

Bryan, with his eyes bugging out, says that he’ll fight Rock at the Rumble. He says he’ll be the face of the WWE. Rock says we’re not looking at the face of the WWE. We’re looking at a homeless lumberjack mated with an Oompa Loompa. “Oompa Loompa dumpity ding, you look like a troll from Lord of the Rings.” Rock Bottom to Bryan and that’s that.

Here’s Bret Hart to be ring announcer for the next match. He says he won his first IC Title by beating Mr. Perfect and he’s introducing the Intercontinental Title match tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. The Miz

Bret’s boredom of introducing Miz is great. Christian immediately sends him to the floor and hits a dive to the outside but he may have hurt his knee. We take a break and come back with Miz holding a weak leg lock on Christian. During the break the champ (Christian) had his knees sent into the steps to further the injury. A top rope cross body gets two for Christian and he goes up again, hitting the jumping back elbow for no cover. Unprettier is broken up and the sunset flip out of the corner gets two.

Miz kicks him in the face for a near fall of his own and things slow down again. Christian comes back with a tornado DDT for two but his leg is still messed up. Spear is blocked and Miz gets a short DDT for a very close two. The corner clothesline misses for Miz but the Killswitch is countered again. Finale and Killswitch are countered again. Christian escapes a belly to back but hurts his leg again, allowing the Skull Crushing Finale to give Miz the title at 7:46.

Rating: C+. That’s a nice surprise for tonight as they needed to do something to give us a little history here. Also Miz gets to win something for the first time since losing the world title over a year ago. It’s even better than it was clean, which is rare to see. Good stuff here and a nice surprise.

Charlie Sheen says he’s a fan of Rock and is looking forward to the Rumble. As for Bryan, he has Anger Management issues.

Regis Philbin talks about all of the wrestling guests he’s had on his show. He looks good for 80.

Here’s HHH to talk to Lesnar. After a recap HHH calls Lesnar out but gets Heyman again. Lesnar is here tonight and Heyman has power of attorney for him. The match at Summerslam isn’t happening. HHH says he’s tired of this so he’ll go find Lesnar himself. Heyman says HHH is already facing multiple lawsuits and that might not be best for business. HHH says Lesnar is a coward so Heyman makes fun of HHH’s kids. HHH yells and Heyman backs off. Paul keeps talking about the kids and here’s Stephanie, looking great in a black dress but showing off that famous Stephanie acting ability.

She yells at Heyman for his failures and says the lawsuits are a way for him to make himself feel better. Heyman gets cut off and Steph says her dad has more guts than Lesnar. She calls Heyman a parasite and gives him an awful slap. Heyman bails but gets back in almost immediately. The match with Lesnar is on now. Heyman runs his mouth some more so Stephanie takes him down. Cue Lesnar who is actually here for once. Well he’s here but his arms seem to be missing. Lesnar takes HHH into the corner and fires in shoulders but HHH comes back. HHH clotheslines Brock to the floor and takes his hair down so you know he’s serious.

Tout it out!

After talking about WWE 13, we get a video on Vince vs. Austin, which needs to be on a show like this.

Here are Santino and Hornswoggle with WWE toys, which apparently are like old school WRESTLING BUDDIES. These talk though.

Howard Finkel is guest ring announcer for the next match. Now all is right with the world.

Heath Slater calls out any legend to a No DQ anything goes match.

Heath Slater vs. Lita

WOW. Lita still looks great too. Slater laughs this off but then accepts her challenge. The bell rings but Lita says she hired herself some protection. Cue the APA and Slater PANICS. Slater immediately runs but backs into every legend he’s fought in the last few weeks. They chase him back into the ring and the Twist of Fate sets up the Clothesline which sets up the Litasault (looked perfect) for the pin at 1:54.

Take a guess what Ron Simmons says post match.

SEAN FREAKING MOONEY is in the back with Daniel Bryan. Bryan didn’t like being called an Oompa Loompa by Sheen earlier and says he’d slap Sheen if he were here.

We talk to some guy that is the 100,000,000^th social media follower. Good for him.

Fozzie Bear hosts a video on great catchphrases on Raw over the years. There’s a great bit in here where they go with Austin and Vickie saying WHAT and EXCUSE ME over and over again.

Ryder is in the back with Cena and Mean Gene. Ryder thinks Gene was behind GTV and Gene says he wasn’t working here at the time. Cena is lost when Rock comes up. Ryder and Gene leave and it’s time for the staredown. Rock wishes Cena luck and Cena says see you at the Rumble. Rock says he’s looking forward to it.

Kane vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal comes out with Hunico, Camacho, Reks, McIntyre and Hawkins. They say they’ve gotten no opportunity over the years and they’re tired of it. They surround Kane….and a gong strikes. There go the lights and here he is. His coat has spikes on the arm now. There’s no hat for some reason though. The six guys have bailed and it’s just the brothers in the ring now. Taker has a buzz cut mowhawk now. The six guys run into the ring because they’re pretty stupid. Hawkins and Hunico get stereo chokeslams and stereo tombstones.

BE A STAR! Just for clarification: We go to an anti-bullying rally preaching non-violence right after six guys were about to jump one and the solution to the one’s problem was that his big brother came out and helped him fight.

Charlie Sheen says he’ll shake Bryan so hard that the fake beard will fall off and you’ll see the word losing under the baby cheeks. Sheen challenges Bryan to a fight when he’s in LA. No mention of Summerslam is made because then it might happen. Scratch that as it’s mentioned once Sheen is gone.

We get a clip from the end of the show last week where Cena challenged Punk and says he’s cashing in tonight.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

Punk is defending in case you’re reading this years later. We take a break before the bell, and it’s already 10:56. We don’t get big match intros as the bell rings immediately when they come back. There’s a quick hand slap and we’re ready to go. Punk gets taken down quickly but comes back with an abdominal stretch. Cena hiptosses out of it and it’s a stalemate. Cena fires off some right hands and takes Punk down with a headlock. Lawler says Cena is like Superman.

Punk comes back and they slug it out with Punk taking over via a kick to the face and a clothesline. The running knee in the corner hits and Punk does You Can’t See Me. Bulldog is countered into the ProtoBomb and there’s the Shuffle. Punk pops up and hits the high kick but the GTS is escaped. There goes the referee as the AA hits but there’s no one to count.

Cue Big Show who spears Cena down and he loads up the right hand. Down goes Cena and Punk isn’t sure what to do. The champ rolls the referee back in and covers Cena but it only gets two. He loads up the GTS but Cena rolls through into the STF. Big Show runs in again and hits Cena for the DQ at 11:15, making Cena the first person to cash in and not win the title.

Rating: C+. The match was ok but it’s a far cry from their previous ones. That being said it wasn’t bad or anything as these two feel like a major match whenever they get in the ring. The interference was obvious but there’s nothing wrong with that. Given the amount of time they had to work with, this was fine.

Punk turns his back and lets Cena get beaten down until Rock comes down for the save. He beats up Show and loads up the Elbow….but Punk takes Rock’s head off with a clothesline. Hokey smoke I think we just had a heel turn. There’s a GTS to Rock and the champ stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. The ending bumps this up a good bit. This was certainly an entertaining and very fun show, but it wasn’t a masterpiece. The ending was great as Punk’s demons of being overshaddowed time after time finally got the better of him and he embraces his inner evil side. That’s great storytelling and gives them a ton of possibilities down the line. Also by having him attack Rock, there’s a much better chance of him being hated down the line. Great stuff here and a great show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews