Anarchy Rulz 1999
Date: September 19, 1999
Location: Odeum Expo Center, Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

And so it dies here. No not the company as they held onto life, if you want to call it that, for about another 16 months after this. Taz leaves here though, as WWF came with a huge sum of money about three weeks after ECW debuted on TNN. The Dudleys already left about two weeks earlier. Word has gotten out that Taz is leaving too, so don’t expect him to be incredibly over tonight. Other than that, there isn’t much on the card. Storm vs. Lynn should be fun though. Let’s get to it.

We see Masato Tanaka showing up. He’s the number one contender. I’m not sure but I think that was Dave Prazak doing the interview. Awesome’s manager shows up and doesn’t like Tanaka. He gets smacked.

Cyrus and Joey do the intro you would expect before we throw it to the theme song.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

We start with this? Really? I guess part of anarchy is that we’re getting rid of the best match right off the bat for some reason. Dawn Marie’s dress is almost not even there. These are two of my favorites from ECW so I’ll be pleased with this more than likely. Jerry’s ribs are messed up because the Impact Players beat him up about a week before.

Lance Storm having his own personal chick is rather amusing. Crowd is pretty one sided to say the least. We have a nice technical piece to start. Did you expect anything else? The fans applaud which is always a good sign. ECW fans were fair if nothing else. I’ve always liked Joey’s mentioning of the referees. They work extremely hard and rarely get the credit that they deserve. Storm’s chops kind of suck.

There’s a bad delay right before it connects and it makes them look really weak. The fans get bored with the match and would like to see something from Dawn. Cyrus gets a nice line in by saying that Storm is a step ahead of Gene Kiniski who was billed as Canada’s Greatest Athlete: he’s CALGARY’S Greatest Athlete. That’s a great line and could be solid for a heel in a territorial promotion.

The referee yells at someone at ringside for a LONG time with his eyes totally away from the action. Nice one guys. Jerry hits a nice plancha from the top rope to the floor and down goes Storm. Having Cyrus as an analyst is a GREAT help. Joey is fun to listen to but there is simply too much to have one guy do. That’s not a knock on Styles. It’s too much for anyone. Having an analyst in there takes a ton of pressure off of Joey and it’s helping a lot.

Cradle piledriver is blocked. Again, can someone explain the difference to me? SWEET pinfall reversal sequence that goes on for nearly a minute straight. That’s VERY impressive and literally gets a standing ovation from the crowd. They go wide to show it and they well should. Amazing stuff as I knew it would be. Cyrus points out that he used to be a wrestler which is something that needs to be done more often.

TNA has been doing it more often lately as they point out that Taz used to be a wrestler. He’s been retired what, 9 years or so? A LOT of fans likely haven’t seen him wrestle. How long has it been for King? Point out to the fans that he actually has experience. Jerry is a former world champion as is Taz. Let the fans know that once in awhile. There’s a chair wedged in the corner that hasn’t been doing anything yet.

Lynn is thrown into the corner but slides to avoid the steel macguffin. He slams his ribs into the post though and Storm goes after it like a Hart-trained wrestler attempting to use basic psychology. Lynn hits a Stunner out of nowhere to get us back to even. I love when wrestlers just bust out random moves.

It makes no sense that so many guys only use their signature stuff. Use whatever comes to mind, at least in kayfabe terms. Storm hits a knee to the ribs and hooks a ¾ nelson of all things for the clean pin? That came out of NOWHERE. It’s fine to end it that way as it looked solid, but DANG was that random.

Rating: A-. I loved this and yes it’s biased. Even still though, this was very solid stuff. See what happens with simple psychology and good wrestling? It works very well indeed and you get a great match that I was way into. This worked and to be fair it’s probably because they’re two of my favorites in ECW.

Joey and Cyrus argue about “the office.”

Simon Diamond is here. He used to sleep with Dawn Marie so he’s awesome. He talks in the 3rd person but has none of Rock’s talent so there you go. He is looking for a partner and asks for Tom Marquez who graduated from the House of Hardcore. And that’s not good enough because Simon didn’t say it. There is no man here to fight Simon. And cue Jazz. Apparently he’s looking for a partner. Which is why he asked for someone to fight. Got it.

She’s a face at this point and is in no way shape or form a Chyna rip-off. Nope, not at all is she, the woman that looks tough and is overly muscular and fighting men a rip-off of Chyna. Not at all. Diamond runs his mouth off and yells at Marquez, the timekeeper tonight, to fight Jazz. Sure why not.

Jazz vs. Tom Marquez

Jazz gets beaten up for awhile and then hits a mat slam for a long two but a guy named Tony DeVito pulls the referee out. Yeah this wasn’t a match. 45 seconds at most.

Chris Chetti and Nova run out for the save and apparently THIS is a tag match now.

Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Tony DeVito/Simon Diamond

Apparently Nova is the most ripped off wrestler in the world as whatever he invents is on Monday night the next week. While that’s true to an extent, I’ll let it go and let Mr. Joey Pot and Cyrus Kettle, call this match. Wow that Jazz is BLACK. WOW that joke sucked. Anyway, you get the idea I think. DeVito goes for a Rock Bottom and botches the living tar out of it. And after about two minutes Danny Doring and Roadkill along with that redhead chick named Angelica run out for the DQ. Yes it’s Lita.

Rating: N/A. Two minutes of just boring stuff.

They hit Jazz with the Hart Attack. A ton of jobbers come out to stop Roadkill and it’s just a massive brawl. And now we get the point to all this: it’s New Jack. Oh why does he have to come back? I’m sure you know my thoughts on New Jack by now. One of the jobbers in there is the semi-famous Big Vito.

Staple gun to the head of some guy. And we do it again. Make it three times. I hate New Jack. I truly do. Nova and Chetti seem to like him though. Ok to be fair, the crowd is going nuts over this.

Tour ad.

Cyrus and Joey argue some more.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

During the entrances, Joey says he’s more or less high on laryngitis medications. Ok then. Tajiri is in his traditional look now. Crowd seems to favor Crazy the best. They point out the three distinct styles here which is a nice touch. Well this is better than another combination them going one on one again I guess. Oh and Big Sal is now the Big Salbowski. Give me a break.

Yes I get that it’s an intentional parody, but if this was the other way around, ECW would be FREAKING over WWF taking another idea from them. When ECW does it, it’s a parody though. Yeah that’s annoying. The chant of Where’s My Pizza starts up. WOW those get annoying. It’s your basic spotfest to start: stupid but fun. Guido hooks a camel clutch on Crazy and Tajiri kicks the tar out of him. They set for it again and Tajiri kicks the heck out of Guido. Nice one.

Tajiri hits a picture perfect moonsault to the floor to take out both guys. It was of the Asai breed in case you were curious. Guido hits a second rope Fameasser which looked good. Not sure why but it did. Crazy one ups Tajiri by hitting a top rope Asai moonsault and lands ON HIS FEET. That was awesome looking. In a SICK spot, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip on Crazy but it’s blocked. Tajiri pulls himself back up, spins crazy around and hooks the Tarantula.

Guido throws in a great double foot to the face. That was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. Guido gets the Sicilian Crab at the same time Crazy gets a camel clutch. Tajiri was totally off the ground. Ton of sick spots in this match. That baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe is always great. Crazy follows that up with a moonsault to put Guido out.

It’s elimination rules in case you didn’t get that so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy. The ten punch count being in Spanish is always a nice touch. The handspring elbow hits for Tajiri. We get a Super Loco chant. When they get creative like that I can live with them. Tajiri blocks the triple moonsault and just goes off on Crazy. A SICK brainbuster ends it.

Rating: B-. This is an odd match. The spots were great and I liked them a lot, but I just could not get into the match as a whole if that makes sense. I think it’s because this has been done so many times now that there’s just no real reason to care about this match. It was fun, but there’s just nothing of substance to it. Nice spot fest though.

We throw it to Steve Corino who says they were going to bring in the Insane Clown Posse to fight Raven and Dreamer tonight. And they’re not here. Corino was the manager apparently and brought them in. Instead Raven and Dreamer get Rhino and Corino. Ok then.

Billy Corgin is here.

They rant about WCW or something or other for awhile.

Justin Credible vs. Sabu

Does anyone else find it stupid that ECW says Sabu is genocidal? That’s just a bit of overkill. Sabu was banned for no apparent reason. Justin has a restraining order. Sacre bleu. What a waste of my time. Yes I quoted Smart Guy of all things. The referee says it’s a legal document, but there is no law tonight since Anarchy Rulz. Justin drills the announcer for saying it and the lights go out. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the Impact Players got him banned for being too violent. Fonzie gets a table for Sabu. Justin gets a Russian leg sweep on the ramp which looked good. I’d expect that’s the only wrestling move for awhile. Sabu goes through a table for some reason. Did anyone care about Credible? I don’t really think so. We get a vague Kliq reference which Justin was a part of in the back.

Sabu hits a big spot and Joey calls it indescribable just before he, say it with me, DESCRIBES IT. A bunch of overblown table spots follow. I don’t care either. So since Justin is having his head handed to him, I’m more or less counting down the time until the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY comeback that gives Justin the win. Cyrus finds Fonzie annoying. That’s very amusing. Justin is bleeding fairly badly.

A kendo stick shot gets two but Sabu has his foot on the ropes. Ok, so legally binding documents aren’t legal, but the ropes are. Got it. That’s Incredible gets two. Fonzie slides in a chair but it hits Sabu in the head. Nice one. BAD looking tombstone (That’s Incredible) on the chair ends it.

Rating: D-. The only word that came to my mind here was meh. I just totally did not care here for a few reasons. One, it’s Justin Credible. Two, you bring Sabu back to have him job? What sense does that make? The match was so sloppy and just bad. Didn’t like this at all, mainly due to the idiotic booking as Heyman continues to insist that Justin is some ring god.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did.

That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this. Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz. Yeah this was a total secret right? Awesome hits a sweet Tope (Taker Dive) to the floor to take Tanaka down. This is your standard solid match with these two. Naturally chairs and tables are brought into play but you have to expect that in ECW. Tanaka hits a Tornado DDT on a chair for two.

And Tanaka gets powerbombed over the top to the floor through a table. Top rope splash follows that for two. Ok then. Tanaka no sells three LOUD chair shots and this Diamond Dust which is an awesome move. It’s table time again with Awesome in control again. Awesome hits a top rope powerbomb for the pin. Yeah that works but a chair shot to the head from the top doesn’t? Taz hands him the belt after the match. The roster says goodbye to Taz as no one cares about Axl Rotten. The fans loving Taz now is kind of stupid. Taz tells them to chant for Awesome. Nice touch there.

Rating: B. Usual good stuff here from these two, but at times the no selling gets annoying as all goodness. Still though, this was a shock to some people and it was a nice touch throwing Awesome in there as people knew Taz was losing, so here we didn’t know who was leaving with the belt. This was good.

Raven is hanging out by a swing and runs down the majority of the feud between him and Dreamer. The “It’s Tommy’s” line gets me every time. And no, I’m not running down that whole feud. The thing was excellent though. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at the moment. Raven says he let Dreamer beat him that night. This is the Raven that everyone loved and he was awesome. He quotes Keyser Soze. How awesome is that?

Gertner comes out to interrupt the announcer and the crowd pops. And here are Francine and Dreamer. Man in the Box is always awesome so I can’t complain. To get it over with, the Dudleys were leaving and Dreamer stood up to them. Raven ran in to be his partner and they won the tag titles. They hate each other though and Dreamer is hurt badly so Raven is making him wrestle until he’s crippled.

Simple in a way I guess. Dreamer says he won’t be cutting a babyface promo. And cue the babyface promo. He’s going to wrestle no matter what the doctors say. And here’s Corino so I’d bet we’re getting a tag title match. Ok never mind as it’s a singles match with Rhino. Pay no attention to the fact that they said there would be a tag title match later tonight with these three and Raven which is inevitable. Yeah I’m not even counting this as a match because Raven is just killing time before he gets here. They’re just wasting time and HERE’S Raven.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino/Rhino

Jack Victory, the sidekick of Corino and Rhino comes in to help and a double DDT ends this about 12 seconds after Raven gets there.

Rating: N/A. Can someone tell me when the match ended and when it started?

Mancow, some annoying DJ that had TWO WCW PPV matches comes out with some fat guys since we have a ton of time left. They do nothing other than high five Raven and leave. WOW.

Ad for November to Remember.

So with 35 minutes left in the tape there’s just RVD to go.

Axl Rotten comes out to talk. Seriously, why does this guy keep getting on PPV? He wants the shot at Awesome. Please come murder him. Instead it’s the Impact Players and a British guy named Johnny Smith. Apparently Smith vs. RVD is the main event. Rotten says the people are cheering for the women and not the talent.

Insert your Becca joke here. Balls Mahoney and Spike come in for the save and Dawn gets hit with an Acid Drop. Smith takes a BIG chair shot and leaves. So Balls gets the title shot instead. Oh dear.

ECW TV Title: Balls Mahoney vs. Rob Van Dam

And we have half an hour to go and this is the main event. Oh DANG this could be painful. So we have Lynn who is obsessed with beating Van Dam and we get….Balls Mahoney vs. RVD. And people wonder why this company died. So Van Dam walks around for a few minutes to kill time. Wouldn’t a five minute match be a better use of time?

Oh that’s right: that army of jobbers had to be beaten up by New Jack instead of having a quick match. So with 25 minutes to go, NO ONE buys Mahoney having a prayer here. Seriously, they’re just blatantly wasting time now. I can’t get over Balls Mahoney main eventing a PPV. Seriously, no one cares about this match at all. All I’m doing is watching the clock on the player to wait until this is over.

Are those punches Balls throws supposed to be impressive or something? Van Dam hits a nice dive from the top into the crowd. And that ends anything interesting in this match. Seriously, the rest is more or less nothing but punches, kicks, chair shots and Balls doing moves he botches. This got TWENTY MINUTES.

Yeah I skipped a lot of the details here, but other than managing to kill an ECW crowd in a town like Chicago, this is the least interesting main event I can ever remember. Just terrible. A video package of the show fills in the final three minutes of the show.

Rating: F. Balls Mahoney main evented a PPV. That should be a meme somewhere for EPIC FAIL.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t completely terrible. There are some good matches here, but good night the stuff that sucked was sucking hard. The opener and world title match were both very solid but the rest is completely forgettable. The three way cruiserweight match was fine for what it was but it’s been done WAY too much for me to care again. Not completely terrible, but nothing worth seeing. Storm and Lynn and the title match are good though.

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I’ve mentioned one of these before.1. ECW went out of business about two weeks after WCW did.  It’s a stretch, but for those two weeks, ECW was the second biggest wrestling company in the United States.

2. For all the people that pine for competition and want the Wars back, may I remind you that the greatest show of all time (X7) happened after the Wars were over?

ECW on TNN
Date: March 10, 2000
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

It’s the go home show for Living Dangerously and the main story….is up for debate actually. It could be Dreamer and Tanaka winning the tag titles on a fluke last week. It could be (and likely is) Heyman and company going to war with the Network. It could be Dusty vs. Corino. Either way, none of these feuds have had matches announced for the PPV, but maybe we’ll get something tonight. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are in the ring for the intro for the first time in a few weeks. Joel actually gets to finish him limerick this week by saying that after tonight’s show in Philly, he’ll be riding Cyrus’ mom silly. This of course draws out Cyrus but even Joey goes off on him this time, saying he won’t interview a jerk like Cyrus.

Opening sequence.

Cyrus is still in the ring as the fans chant for RVD. We FINALLY get some matches announced for the PPV as tonight we’ll start a TV Title tournament which will end at the PPV. Bill Alfonzo comes out but Cyrus keeps ranting, saying he’s canceling ECW on TNN to be replaced by Extreme Championship Shuffleboard. This brings out RVD with the title and his ankle wrapped up. Before we get to that though, here’s a PPV ad so we can pay the talent.

Also a hotline ad.

Back in the arena with Scotty Anton (Riggs) standing by RVD’s side. Cyrus makes fun of Riggs but Rob shoves him away and praises Riggs for his loyalty. Yeah the screwjob is coming a mile away. Anyway Rob says his leg is getting better and he’s still in the gym to stay in shape. Rob talks about watching ECW grow for years now and about how he’s never left for greener pastures. He isn’t going to let Cyrus screw up everything ECW has done no matter how badly he’s hurt.

Rob throws down the belt and vows to take the title back from whomever Cyrus gets it on and he’ll do it here on TNN. Cyrus and Fonzie are about to get into it but Rhyno gores Fonzie down. Rob and Rhyno get into it but Anton pulls RVD away before he’s injured even worse. Cyrus wants to start this tournament right now.

TV Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Rhyno vs. Spike Dudley

Spike scores with a quick neckbreaker and gets two off a small package. A sunset flip gets the same and Spike low bridges a charging Rhyno out to the floor. Back from a break with Spike being thrown off a balcony onto but not through some tables. Back to ringside with Rhyno being sent into the barricade and a bulldog gets two for Spike.

Spike takes a chair to the top but dives into a left hand to the ribs to put him down. A TKO gets two for Rhyno and he sets up a table in the corner. Spike comes back with the Acid Drop but here come all the heels to break it up. The distraction lets Rhyno Gore him through the table, injuring Spike’s knee in the process. A piledriver sends Rhyno to the semi-finals at the PPV, apparently against Sandman who beat Tajiri in a non-televised match.

Rating: D. I’m over this Spike the Giant Killer schtick. We get it: you have ONE MOVE that can stop big guys but people are going to interfere in case it’s a top level monster. It’s the same idea of X-Pac being able to hit the X-Factor and win matches against guys he has no business being in the ring against. In other words, COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE.

Spike is being taken to the hospital.

Jado/Gedo vs. Impact Players

This is also from the same show but it’s being shown out of order for some reason. I think Gedo is starting against Credible with the Players in early control. Off to Storm for a dropkick and a bunch of trash talking (yes from Lance Storm) before it’s back to Credible for a chinlock. Gedo tries to fight up but gets taken down by a clothesline and it’s back to Storm for right hands. Gedo flips out of a German suplex and clotheslines Storm down, allowing for the tag off to Jado.

Storm gets crotched on the top and belly to back superplexed down. Everything breaks down and both teams score some hot near falls. Back to Justin as the chair is thrown out of the ring, only to be replaced by a table. Jado reverses a hiptoss to send Credible through the table before catching Storm in a tiger driver. A top rope splash from Gedo gets two and Justin is dropkicked to the floor. Jado gets two off a middle rope powerbomb but Gedo walks into a superkick and gets caught in a spike piledriver for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was a fun match for the most part when they ignored the violent nonsense. I can usually overlook insanity and rules breaking down in tag matches because it makes for the most interesting stuff. Also, how nice was it to see actual TAGS in a tag team match? Fun stuff here.

We’re FINALLY given more PPV matches with Dreamer/Tanaka defending against the Impact Players and Mike Awesome/Raven (never been on screen together that I remember) and Corino vs. Dusty Rhoes in a bullrope match.

Tag Titles: Raven/Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka/Tommy Dreamer

Sure why not. Awesome throws Dreamer around to start before it’s off to Raven for some cheap shots. Dreamer gets up and Raven runs off to bring Mike back in. Tanaka gets the tag as well to give us the same match we’ve been watching for three months. Awesome wins a slugout and gets two off a quick splash. Tanaka sends him face first into the middle buckle and scores with a missile dropkick for no cover. Awesome counters the tornado DDT into a sitout spinebuster but he tags Raven instead of covering.

We get our first chair but Tanaka channels his inner Samoan and no sells the shot to the head. Tanaka elbows him in the head for two and Raven is sent into the chair in the corner. Dreamer pounds away and puts Raven in the Tree of Woe for the standing on the crotch spot. Awesome uses the distraction to powerbomb Dreamer out of the corner to give Raven two. Back to Mike for a middle rope back elbow, getting another near fall.

A choke bomb gets two more on Dreamer so it’s back to Raven. Bird Boy grabs a mic and pounds it into Dreamer’s head as Raven talks trash to Tommy. Dreamer does the smart thing by kicking Raven low but the back is too hurt to tag. A bulldog gets two on Dreamer and it’s table time. Awesome misses the splash through the table and Dreamer makes the tag off to Tanaka. He cleans house on both challenges but Awesome takes him down with a release German suplex.

Everything breaks down and Judge Jeff Jones sends in two more tables. Masato loads up a superplex through the table but gets crotched on the top instead. Dreamer loads up a Death Valley Driver off the top, only to be pulled down by Raven and sent face first into the edge of the table with the drop toehold. That looked SICK.

The Awesome Splash is only good for two and the Awesome Bomb through the table gets the same thanks to a save by Tanaka. The Roaring (discus) elbow gets two on Raven and the Dreamer DDT gets the same. Awesome hits the running Awesome Bomb through the table on Dreamer, allowing Raven to get the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This was actually something almost kind of resembling the tag team formula. It’s certainly not a good match but at least there was some kind of a flow to it. The booking on the other hand continues to be stupid as there’s no real reason to change the titles around like this other than to set up the three way dance. Raven vs. Dreamer and Tanaka vs. Awesome are played out, but Heyman, the GENIUS, can’t come up with anything new so this is what we’re stuck with.

Sinister Minister does his recap of the show and laughs a lot. Is there a point to this guy?

Overall Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t as bad as last week’s show but that isn’t saying much. We do at least have something set up for Sunday which is more than I was expecting to have by the end of the show. Some of the wrestling here wasn’t terrible and the less Sandman nonsense I have to sit through the better.

Here’s Living Dangerously if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/12/on-this-day-march-12-2000-living-dangerously-2000-two-ecw-shows-in-a-month-is-dangerous-enough/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

ECW on TNN
Date: March 3, 2000
Location: The Rave, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 2,250
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

This show has to be better that last week’s. Literally, it’s not possible to produce a show worse than last week’s so soon thereafter. We still don’t have anything announced for the PPV which is in nine days. Odds are there will be a tournament of some sort for the TV Title at the show but since nothing has been announced yet, it’s hard to say. Let’s get to it.

Mike Awesome says it’s personal between him and Spike Dudley.

Theme song.

ECW World Title: Spike Dudley vs. Mike Awesome

Spike jumps Mike with a chair but goes after Judge Jeff Jones, allowing Awesome to crush Spike’s head with a chair. More chair shots to the head follow and Dudley is busted open. Mike has a table set up on the floor but Spike rakes the eyes to escape a gorilla press slam. Dudley rains down right hands in the corner but charges into an elbow to put him back down. Now Spike is launched over the top and through the table….as we go to a PPV ad.

Back with Spike bulldogging Awesome through a table off the stage and the Acid Drop gets two on the ring with Jones breaking up the pin. Awesome breaks up another Acid Drop attempt and hits a wicked release German suplex to lay Spike out. Three BIG powerbombs kill Spike but he raises his shoulder to tick Awesome off again. A table is set up in the corner and a running powerbomb through the table finally ends Spike.

Rating: D+. Ok now can we get someone other than Spike or Tanaka for Awesome to defend the title against? This pairing has been done to death and we’ve got the idea down pretty clearly already. The match was the same as it always is: Spike tries hard but gets destroyed by power in the end. Somehow this was the best match in two weeks on the show.

Masato Tanaka rants in Japanese when Dawn Marie comes in to tell him to shut up. He yells at her and the Impact Players come in to lay him out.

Joel’s limerick is cut off again.

Steve Corino is in the ring to talk about something. Erik Watts, one of the most worthless wrestlers of all time, is his opponent tonight and has a belt of some sort with him, which apparently is the old Mid-South Heavyweight Title. Sure why not. Corino talks about how the two of them are a lot alike in their old school beliefs such as hating tables and chairs. He doesn’t want to bleed for these losers in Milwaukee and the fans aren’t pleased. Corino talks about how things were in the old days and insults Dusty Rhodes a bit. Tonight it’s a Texas bullrope match to keep it old school.

Steve Corino vs. Erik Watts

It’s the four corners variety but we’re still not ready because Corino has more cheap heat jokes. He talks about how the Crusher (the Man Who Made Milwaukee Famous) was a closet homosexual and a sexual deviant (Joel: “That’s a bad thing?). The referee (future indy guy H.C. Loc) says he’s from Milwaukee and insults Corino, leading to a big beatdown from Watts, Jack Victory and Corino.

The fans chant for Dusty but Corino says he retired Dusty last week (two weeks ago sport). However, Corino wants Dusty to come out of retirement for a bullrope match because Dusty is the reason Jim Crockett went out business, the reason the WWF almost went out of business in 1989 (not really) and the man who cut the brake lines on Magnum T.A.’s car.

Super Crazy vs. Tajiri vs. Little Guido

Elimination rules. Guido is knocked to the floor to start, allowing Crazy and Tajiri to fly around the mat for a bit as only they can do. Crazy goes to the floor as Guido comes back in for a kick from Tajiri. Guido takes Tajiri down into a Fujiwara Armbar as Crazy is down from something the camera missed. Guido chops Tajiri and double teams him along with Crazy.

Tajiri comes back with a kick to Crazy’s head and goes outside with Guido. Crazy busts out an Asai Moonsault to take both guys down and lands on his feet just to show off. Big Sal misses a splash on Crazy against the barricade, allowing Crazy to dive onto the big fat guy. So it’s Crazy alone in the ring until Tajiri comes back in for the Tarantula. Guido makes the save before catching Crazy in a kind of reverse powerbomb out of the corner for two.

Tajiri’s handspring elbow is countered into a Russian legsweep from Guido, only to have Crazy take him down with a running DDT for two. Tajiri brainbusters Guido for the elimination to get us down to one on one. Crazy kicks him out to the floor but misses the Asai Moonsault, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the jaw. Back in and the handspring elbow connects on Crazy but he no sells a low dropkick to the face. Because, you know, being kicked in the face doesn’t hurt or anything. Crazy hits a jumping Tajiri low (that came out of nowhere) and a top rope Lionsault gets the pin on Tajiri.

Rating: C. See, this is what ECW needs to do more often: throw talented guys out there and let them show off. There were no weapons used in this and the fans still seemed to like it. Yeah Sal interfered but that’s minor by comparison to what usually happens on this show. The match wasn’t great or anything but it was easy to sit through and by comparison to the drek I’ve been sitting through, it was a masterpiece.

House show ads.

Cyrus complains that the three way dance was a ratings killer so he has Rhyno Gore Crazy through a locker.

We get a clip from Hardcore TV of Francine coming out to face Dreamer after Dreamer apologized for DDTing her last week. She takes a sharp turn by saying people are here to see her topless rather than to see Dreamer fighting. Dreamer isn’t good enough to survive without her because she got him over in ECW. He never did anything without her and what about Raven Tommy, what about Raven? The difference is Dreamer needs her, but Raven wants her. Dreamer tells her to get out and loads up a piledriver but Raven makes the save with the DDT.

With Dreamer down, here are the Impact Players to pick the bones. Justin superkicks him down and they load up the spike tombstone but Masato Tanaka comes out for the save…..and to start a match?

Tag Titles: Masato Tanaka/Tommy Dreamer vs. Impact Players

And it’s a title match? Sure why not. The challengers clean house to start and they head into the crowd for the brawl. Storm throws Dreamer down some stairs and dives onto his body as Credible and Tanaka fight into the concourse. Dreamer and Storm head back inside with Lance getting crotched on the top rope so Dreamer can stand on his groin.

A baseball slide sends a chair into Storm’s face but Justin interferes, allowing Storm to superkick Dreamer down for two. Here’s the required table and Dreamer counters a suplex into the Death Valley Driver through the table. Everyone is inside again and Tanaka hits a quick Diamond Dust for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Well that happened. Seriously, that’s about all I’ve got on this one. The match was literally thrown toge…..wait a minute. Tanaka was attacked by the Players on the ECW on TNN show, but he teamed up with Dreamer on TNN, which showed a flashback to him winning the titles on Hardcore TV? The Players had the titles when they attacked Tanaka, so we had a flashback to a match that took place before the events that set it up. This show is done in a few months and it’s pretty clear why.

Overall Rating: C-. Defying the laws of time and space, this was one of the better shows they’ve had in awhile. At least they had some decent matches on this episode instead of the mindless brawling we had to sit through last week. It’s still not a good show and we still have nothing concrete for the PPV, but there’s one full show left for them to turn it all around right?

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First ECW on TNN
Date: August 27, 1999
Commentator: Joey Styles

From the title I think you get the idea here. This show is weird as it’s a lot like the old WWF TV shows as it’s a collection of previously aired matches thrown together here. The first show they taped was awful so they turned it into this. The main thing is Lynn vs. Van Dam from Hardcore Heaven 99 which I’ll re-review and see how it matches up with the original rating I gave it, which is something I don’t think I’ve done before. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of the Dudleys (who would leave for WWF in like a week) powerbombing someone through a flaming table as Joey says this isn’t WCW or WWF but ECW.

Cue theme song. The main focus is Tazz who would leave in like 2-3 months and everyone knew that was going to happen.

Joey lists off a bunch of people to have held the TV Title but says RVD might be better than all of them.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

I think this is new commentary here but I’m not sure. This is really just a way to introduce Van Dam and give us what they know is an exciting match. You can’t hear a word the ring announcer is saying. They start with a nice sequence where neither can get any real advantage but the fans love it. We actually get highlights of both guys in the middle of the match. I get that you want to showcase two of your top guys but dude, do it when there’s not a match on.

Van Dam gets knocked to the floor and Lynn takes over. Lynn gets a top rope bulldog for two. RVD is bleeding from…..something. I think at this point we go to a commercial as we get an ad for Anarchy Rulz. Joey suggests the Warrior could be coming to ECW. Oh dear. Yeah the commentary here is new. Lynn is bleeding too now after botching a fall to the floor and hitting his foot on the ropes. The replay has a rap song with it. Really?

Lynn gets a sunset powerbomb for two. What would an ECW match be without tables? Van Dam’s eye is messed up and made of pretty colors. Van Daminator in the stands as this match is kind of hard to follow. Another commercial doesn’t help as they don’t stop the match for it, which is either a good idea or a bad idea and I’m not sure which. Lynn gets another sunset powerbomb through the table on the floor.

CUE THE RAP SONG REPLAY! After a clip or a commercial, Fonzie takes a chair pelted at his head. Lynn goes for a top rope belly to belly but he just falls off. You know the chant we get from that. Cradle Piledriver is blocked and both guys are down. Split Legged Moonsault hits Lynn. PAY ATTENTION MORRISON. THAT IS HOW YOU DO THE FREAKING MOVE. And there’s the Five Star out of more or less nowhere but Lynn rolls through for two. Van Daminator and a HUGE Five Star ends it.

Rating: B-. The clipping hurts this a lot. It makes this look like far less of an ultra competitive match and more like RVD just breaking a sweat. It’s still good but at the same time it really makes Lynn look weak. At the same time though this was about RVD and that worked very well. This was still good but a different kind of good. I gave the PPV version a B as I still find these matches to be overrated by most ECW fans.

We plug Rollerjam (which as a kid I thought was a cool show. The women were hot if nothing else) and then talk about the ECW World Title, listing off guys that didn’t win it but tried to, such as Konnan, Benoit, Austin and Foley. I’m not entirely sold on talking about guys that USED to be here, but you could look at it like this: We had these guys before they were superstars. Imagine what kind of buried treasures we have here now. That makes sense.

Shane threw down the NWA Title, which meant nothing to most fans watching this show but whatever. That was 5 years before the debut of the TV show. Didn’t know that.

ECW World Title: Taz vs. Rhyno

This is from Hardcore TV or a house show. Rhyno hits a powerbomb 3 seconds in and Taz just pops up. Rhyno means nothing at this point which you can probably guess. Well we’re in Chicago if nothing else. Taz is massacring him here with Rhyno looking like a freaking  jobber. He’s hit two punches to the ribs and a no sold powerbomb. Tazz sets up a table and Rhyno hits new levels of offense with THREE punches to the ribs. Suplex through the table sets up the Tazmission. Total squash if there ever has been one.

Rating: N/A. This was DOMINANCE which is the idea I guess, but Rhyno looks like a joke here. The problem is that these matches are just random defenses with no meaning to them. We keep hearing about Steve Corino and how he’s Taz’s archenemy, but we never even see him.

Video on Sabu who is apparently awesome. No match or anything but just highlights.

Ad for Anarchy Rulz again.

Spike Dudley vs. Big Sal

Low blow and Acid Drop end it. Literally that’s the whole thing. Who is Spike? Who is Sal? “Spike has done it again!” What does he do? Apparently that’s not important. Ah ok they call him the Giant Killer.

The Impact Players introduce themselves and we have no idea if they mean anything or not. Cyrus pops up for no apparent reason as Jason makes gay jokes about Joey. We see clips of the Impact Players beating people up which helps a bit as we know they’re dominant.

House show ads.

We get a BUNCH of clips of guys and a brief description (as in their nickname) of them. It’s set to a Kid Rock song so what do you expect here?

Taz talks about how TNN and ECW are together now and how cool that is I guess. We get clips of famous people he’s made tap out. He talks for like three minutes and that ends this mess.

Overall Rating: D. This was a total mess. Considering this is the first show, this was just awful as you learn nothing about the guys other than Taz being a tough guy and RVD is awesome. Other than that though you get nothing at all here though and other than a single good match to start, this gave us nothing. We have no idea about any feuds or angles or anything like that as it was just a few squashes and one big match from months earlier. This just didn’t work as Heyman clearly didn’t know what he was doing, which became a theme here. Bad show and just a car wreck of an hour.

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ECW on TNN
Date: February 25, 2000
Location: The Rave, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 2,250
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting closer to the Living Dangerously PPV and I don’t think anything has been announced for the show. There’s also no announcement made yet on the future of the TV Title other than there will be a new champion. We’ve got three episodes left before the show so maybe we’ll hear some matches announced tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with Cyrus in the ring and the fans chanting RVD. He talks about how the network can’t have the TV Title on the shelf for twelve weeks, and here are Corino, Rhyno and Jack Victory. Tonight Cyrus gets to appoint a new TV Champion which will be…..Rhyno, the last man to be in the ring with Van Dam. Cyrus tells Paul Heyman to bring out the title and a cup of coffee but we need to get the way too long intro out of the way as Heyman comes to the ring.

Heyman is in the ring but Cyrus wants his coffee. Paul is clutching the TV Title belt to his chest as Cyrus berates him for not wanting to sell RVD out. He says Heyman is going to bend over for the network here on TNN but Heyman doesn’t seem interested. Heyman yells at Cyrus and finally hits him in the head with the belt. Rhyno Gores Heyman down and the beating is on until Sandman’s music hits. Naturally it takes forever for him to get to the ring and just as naturally the heels don’t do anything else to Heyman in the meantime.

PPV ad.

Post break and Sandman is STILL in the crowd. After about three minutes (literally) he’s in the ring and we’re ready for our first match.

Sandman vs. Rhyno

Oh wait we have to have Corino and Victory get in cheap shots so Sandman can swing his cane. Sandman and Rhyno head to the aisle and up by the stage with Sandy in control. Here’s a ladder into the ring but Sandman stops to get a table, allowing Rhyno to get in a cheap shot. Sandman sends him into the ladder, allowing him to bring in the table. A slingshot hilo onto the ladder crushes Rhyno and a top rope rana (the Heinekenrana) puts Rhyno down again. Cue Tajiri to spray green mist, allowing Rhyno to hit the Gore through the table for a pin.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling and that’s all I’ll say about this nonsense.

Post whatever that was, Super Crazy comes out for the save.

We get a highlight package of that whole thing which has taken up nearly half the show.

Gertner starts his limerick but Joey cuts him off to talk about Rhyno claiming to break Rob’s leg. He doesn’t have much to say about it but at least he cut off the funny stuff.

Doring and Roadkill run into the Dupps in the back. Somehow we get a loser leaves town match booked in about 20 seconds.

Dupps vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

The Dupps (Bo and Jack) are as low brow “comedy” as you can get with the duo playing REALLY stupid country stereotypes. The Dupps run Doring over to start but Roadkill comes in with a springboard double clothesline followed by a double splash in the corner. A wheelbarrow slam/top rope legdrop combination end Jack Dupp to get rid of this stupid team in about a minute and a half.

Website and house show ads. Apparently Tommy Dreamer and Francine will be at some mall. No city or anything is given, but they will be there.

Here’s Tommy Dreamer with something to say. He does a Scott Hall survey with ECW winning the poll. Dreamer cuts out the nonsense and asks Raven to come out here to finish things. Instead he gets Francine who understands that Dreamer is trying to protect her. She’s seen the tape though and Raven DDT’ed her by mistake. Naturally the fans want puppies. Francine rants about what she’s done in ECW, including guiding Dreamer to a tag title. This is supposed to be a burning line for some reason.

We get a clip of Raven accidentally knocking Francine out cold and here are the Impact Players. Dreamer insults Dawn Marie and suggests she just take her top off before challenging the Players to a handicap match. Storm says they’ll put up the titles if Dreamer can find a partner. Why he’d do that is anyone’s guess but somehow it turns into Francine naming Raven as Dreamer’s partner.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Tommy Dreamer/Raven

Tommy gets beaten down for a bit until Raven comes out in dress pants and a turtleneck of all things. Storm accidentally superkicks Credible but Justin makes the save off the Even Flow. Dreamer breaks up a pin off That’s Incredible to Raven as it’s already broken down. It’s one of those brawls in the crowd where you can’t see any of the brawling between Dreamer and Credible as we have Storm and Raven slugging it out in the ring.

A low blow stops Raven as the other two are way at the other end of the building. Raven does the drop toehold onto the chair and here’s Dreamer at ringside to break the barricade apart. Actually it’s a row of seats in the ring and a double drop toehold sends the champions into the chairs. The Players are sent to the floor but Storm gets back in to set up a table. Justin and Raven head to the floor and Dreamer hits a Death Valley Driver on Storm through the table for two with Dawn Marie making the save.

Cue the girl fight as the freaking Sinister Minister comes out because we aren’t overbooking this nonsense enough. Raven accidentally throws powder in Dreamer’s eyes, causing Tommy to DDT Francine (the chick with long hair, as opposed to the champions who have one head of short hair between them). Dreamer loads up a DDT on Storm but gets blasted by a title belt for two. A top rope spinwheel kick from Storm and a spike tombstone on a chair is enough to finish Tommy.

Rating: D. And most of that is because of Dawn’s outfit. I’m tempted to start calling these the two man titles because there’s no tagging at all in these matches. Also, can we PLEASE find a story other than Dreamer hates Raven? It’s literally been the SAME IDEA since this show debuted.

The Sinister Minister sits in a bunch of trash and talks about fire before laughing a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: Trombone. You think I’m wasting a regular rating on something like this? This show had nothing to do with wrestling and I don’t think they have any idea what it’s supposed to be. The Heyman/Network stuff makes sense, but what is it supposed to lead to? The Sandman standing up for ECW? More non-wrestling, as Sandman is embarrassing in the ring. It says a lot when this is making Nitro in 2000 look great by comparison. Again, not a wrestling show at all.

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ECW on TNN
Date: February 18, 2000
Location: Tallahassee Civic Center, Tallahassee, Florida
Attendance: 2,000
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

The main story coming out of last week’s show was Rhyno and Corino going after Dusty Rhodes with Sandman making the save. Odds are we won’t hear about that tonight due to it being the second half of a double taping, but the story wasn’t very good other than Dusty’s parts anyway. We also might get an update on the TV Title situation. Let’s get to it.

We open with Cyrus in the back, talking about how we only have 59:45 to go until ROLLERJAM! ECW is in trouble after Dusty Rhodes attacked him last week and they have heat with the network now. RVD is officially stripped of the TV Title and ECW will do what Cyrus says to do. NOW ONLY 57:19 UNTIL ROLLERJAM! I remember watching this when it first aired and it was awesome due to Cyrus being so over the top. Also Rollerjam was awesome.

Opening video.

Joey and Joel do their intro from the booth instead of the ring with Styles talking about the new video game, which was a clone of WWF Attitude.

Tanaka says he’s winning the title back tonight.

Nova/Chris Chetti vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

Chetti takes Doring into the corner to start and we actually get a clean break. A quick kick puts Danny down and it’s off to Nova for a double elbow and hip toss. Roadkill comes in sans tag to clean house but takes out Doring by mistake. Nova comes back with a kick to Roadie and a spinebuster to Doring before diving to the floor to take out Roadkill. Nice sequence there.

Back in and Roadie blocks a tornado DDT and Doring takes Nova down with a clothesline. This is pretty fast paced stuff but it’s not falling apart at all. A pair of slams (sidewalk and power style) put Nova down and a top rope elbow from Doring gets two. Nova comes back with a reverse DDT and it’s off to Roadie vs. Chetti.

Chris cleans house on both guys and hits a tornado DDT on the big fat guy (Roadkill). Nova and Chetti load up the Tidal Wave (top rope splash and legdrop from the same corner) but only Nova launches with Chetti getting crotched. Doring makes the save and Roadkill pops up to set up a table on the floor. The big fat splash misses Nova entirely, but Doring hits a jumping double arm DDT on Nova for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it falls into the same ECW trap that most matches do: there’s not enough time spent building to the frantic (yet good) finish. Both of these teams were good in the roles they played, but Nova and Chetti never won the titles and Roadkill and Doring only won the belts after the TV show was off the air.

Post match the Impact Players, the reigning tag champions, come out to destroy all four guys.

Mike Awesome says he’ll keep the title.

Super Crazy vs. C.W. Anderson

I never cared for C.W. Anderson. He’s supposed to be a throwback to Arn Anderson but it never quite worked. Crazy hooks a quick headscissors to put Anderson on the floor before hitting a BIG springboard moonsault to take out Anderson and Bilvis Wesley. Crazy picks up a chair for no apparent reason, allowing C.W. to superkick it into his face. It’s already table time but Anderson goes to the top rope after setting it up. Crazy is all like ESTOY EL LUCHADOR and hurricanranas Anderson down for two.

Not that it matters though as Anderson comes back with a spinebuster through the table. Arn Anderson should smack him around for that kind of no selling. A half nelson suplex gets another two count for C.W. but a springboard tornado DDT gets the same for Crazy. Super throws in two more tables and chairs for something resembling a Conchairto because why not use one of those in a meaningless TV match? A springboard legdrop through the table gets two for Crazy as Lou E. Dangerously makes the save. Bilvis accidentally hits Lou with a chair, allowing Crazy to hit two moonsaults through the table for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, this was a six and a half minute TV match with no story to it, so we had three tables, a Conchairto, two people interfering and chair shots. The reason stuff like this worked in the Austin vs. Foley main events was there was a solid foundation under the matches to get us to that point. Just having it all happen in a few minutes between guys with no story doesn’t work at all unless you’re some kind of bloody thirsty sociopath.

Chetti and Nova want a piece of the Impact Players. They didn’t need to wear a jock strap on the face or to carry Shawn Michaels’ bags (Justin) to get over.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Mike Awesome

Awesome is defending. The fans chant RVD at Awesome during the weapons check. You know, because we wouldn’t want weapons getting involved in an ECW match or anything. Awesome runs the challenger over to start and catches a Thesz Press attempt in a belly to belly suplex. Tanaka comes right back with a powerslam of his own, only to have Awesome run the corner and hit a back elbow to the jaw. Nice move.

Tanaka quickly knocks him to the floor and hits a plancha off the top rope to the floor. Mike goes into the barricade but gets a boot up to stop a charging challenger. A big dive over the barricade into the crowd takes Tanaka down as we hit the brawling stage. Mike hits a HARD chair shot to the head (what was that about weapons?) but Tanaka no sells it. A German suplex is no sold and a chokebomb gets two for Awesome.

It’s table time but Tanaka escapes an Awesome Bomb and sends Mike to the apron for a DDT, sending Awesome through the table. A running chair shot to the head has Awesome in trouble and a missile dropkick to the back of the head gets two. Tanaka hits the top rope chair shot to a grounded Awesome but Mike counters the tornado DDT into a kind of spinebuster on the chair.

The second attempt at the DDT connects but Awesome gets up at two. Diamond Dust (flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into an Alabama Slam for two and Mike gets two off a sitout Awesome Bomb. The Awesome Splash gets the same and here’s another table. Tanaka escapes another Awesome Bomb and hits the Roaring Elbow, only to have Mike deck him on the top and hit a top rope Awesome Bomb through the table to retain.

Rating: C+. Yeah these matches are hard hitting and fun, but when you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. There is NOTHING between the big moves and it takes away from any value the match has. It’s a car crash match with nothing but spots and that makes for a match that is fun for a bit but has zero staying power at all. There’s no story or anything here and that holds matches WAY back.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event was fun in a car crash sense, but other than that there’s nothing on here worth seeing. One of ECW’s biggest problems is the complete lack of an upper midcard. There’s a tag team division, a middle of the card and a main event scene, but nothing between them. This becomes a problem because there’s nothing for the guys in between so you get a bunch of random matches from week to week. This was decent enough but it didn’t do much for me.

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Brian Pillman Memorial Show
Date: May 25, 2000
Location: Schmidt Fieldhouse, Cincinnati, Ohio

As many of you probably know, Brian Pillman was a high flier who died in October of 1997. There was an annual memorial show held for him from 1998-2001 with proceeds going to his children’s education. These cards would have the rare event of WWF, WCW, ECW and independent talent on the same card. This is the third memorial show which is both the most famous and the only one I can find online. Let’s get to it.

This is a fifteen match card but I can find no footage of the first five matches. Odds are they weren’t filmed.

HWA Cruiserweight Title: Shark Boy vs. Jamie-San

HWA is the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which served as a developmental territory for both WCW and the WWF over the years. Shark Boy is defending and Jamie-San is Jamie Noble. The footage is pretty low quality and there’s no commentary here at all. ECW/WCW goon Tony Marinara is with Jamie here for some reason. They trade wristlocks to start and Shark Boy gets two off an O’Connor Roll, giving us a stalemate. Time for some technical stuff with a nice little chain wrestling sequence leading to stalemate the sequel.

Back up and Sharky armdrags him down and Jamie bails to the floor. Jamie gets back in, only to be bitten on the trousers. Marinara gets the same and it’s back to the floor for healing. Shark Boy breaks up their meeting with a nice dive but Jamie pulls him off the apron and sends him into the barricade. Jamie is supposed to be Japanese but he sounds like a hayseed whenever he talks trash, killing the idea dead. Sharky takes a running clothesline in the corner but comes out with a spinning sunset flip for two.

Jamie kind of misses a middle rope dropkick for two and we hit the chinlock. Really basic stuff so far but it’s not bad. It’s strange to see Shark Boy as just a guy (who happens to think he’s a shark) instead of a cult favorite. The hold stays on for a good while, which is a pretty big waste of Jamie’s talents in the time they have. The fans are WAY into Shark Boy here so maybe the cult favorite aspect is still around.

The champion finally comes back by sending Jamie into the corner and puts him down with a facebuster. There are ten punches in the corner and a middle rope hurricanrana gets two for the champion. The Dead Sea Drop (more commonly called Diamond Dust, flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into a reverse layout DDT (Christian uses it a lot) for two. Jamie misses a top rope headbutt so Sharky grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the corner, putting him in perfect position for the Dead Sea Drop and the pin to retain.

Rating: C. This was fine. The matches tonight are going to depend on who is in the ring as I’ll be harsher on indy guys than I will be on big time talent. It’s nice to see indy guys who have talent out there like Shark Boy as some matches from this level can be DREADFUL, which I’m sure we’ll hit at some point tonight. This was a nice little match though and both guys looked solid in the ring.

Post match Marinara yells at Jamie and gets beaten up. I guess that’s a Jamie face turn?

HWA Title: Chip Fairway vs. Race Steele

This is a tournament final for the vacant title. From what I can tell neither of these guys ever went anywhere. Fairway has a golf gimmick but dresses like he belongs at a biker bar. Steele appears to be the face and is a well built short guy who looks a bit like Ted DiBiase Jr. in the face. D’Lo Brown comes out for some reason in street clothes holding what I’m assuming is the HWA Title. He talks about being a former champion and says he’s going to make sure the best man wins.

They shove each other around out of lockups to start until Steele is armdragged down. The referee looks confused as Steele is sent down with a hiptoss. Steele comes back with a quick gorilla press and some bad looking clotheslines. They botch an atomic drop with Fairway stopping before he got to Steele and basically standing there so Race could do the move. Another clothesline sends Chip outside and Steele grabs an armbar back in the ring. A below average hurricanrana puts Fairway down again and he’s looking frustrated.

Race sends him to the floor with a dropkick and Chip stays on the floor way too long. Steele hits a nice dive over the top to take him out but Fairway sends him into the post to take over. Back in and Chip gets crotched on the top but blocks a superplex attempt. A guillotine legdrop gets two on Steele and it’s time for choking. Chip hits a sloppy looking Lionsault for a few two counts but misses a top rope elbow. Fairway stops a comeback with a jawbreaker but stops to yell at Brown. Steele hits something the camera completely misses for the pin and the title. Seriously I have no idea how he won the match.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t terrible but it felt like an indy match. Steele had a decent look but he needed more to work with than an evil golfer. This also showed the main problem with tournaments: there’s no story going on so there’s no reason to care about the match. It wasn’t the worst match in the world but there’s nothing to see here.

Some guys including Shark Boy come out to celebrate with Steele.

Mad Anthony McMurphy vs. Cody Michaels

McMurphy, the good guy, is a taxi driver and comes out to Crazy Train. The fight starts on the floor with Michaels throwing him into the steel. They head inside for a few seconds but Cody throws him right back outside. Michaels is going nuts so I’m guessing there’s some hatred here. Cody dives off the top to the floor to take out McMurphy before getting two with his feet on the ropes.

McMurphy tries to get a comeback going but gets tripped throat first into the ropes. A small package gets two for Anthony and a leg lariat gets the same. McMurphy gets two off a vertical suplex and a middle rope elbow but a terrible looking reverse DDT (so bad that it wound up as a regular DDT) gets Cody a breather. McMurphy comes back with something resembling a Rough Ryder for two but gets crotched on top. Not that it matters as he shoves Steele down and hits a top rope sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D+. These matches are getting progressively worse as the show goes on. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but neither guy had anything special going for them at all. There was a nice start to the match with Michaels looking strong but after that it was just two guys doing moves to each other.

Dr. Tom Pritchard vs. Tim Horner

Pretty odd choice here. Pritchard is a WWF agent and used to be a tag team wrestler in the Heavenly Bodies in SMW and the WWF. Tim Horner was part of a low level tag team called the Lightning Express with Brad Armstrong back in the 80s and then was a jobber in WCW in the 90s. This is one of the dangers of indy shows: you have to get ANYBODY you can to fill in a card. Missy Hyatt is with Horner here for no apparent reason.

Feeling out process to start with neither guy getting anywhere. They trade hammerlocks in a short chain wrestling sequence leading to a stalemate. Horner grabs an armbar but Pritchard takes him into the corner for some chops, only to be taken right back down into the armbar. Tom takes him down with a test of strength and keeps him there with a kick to the ribs. So Pritchard is the heel. Good to know.

Back up and Horner snapmares him down for two but Pritchard hooks one of his own and we hit the chinlock. This is really dull stuff so far. Pritchard throws him to the floor and gets two off a suplex back inside. Back to the chinlock as the match somehow drags even worse. Now to really mix things up, Tom throws him out to the floor. Pritchard picks him up but gets caught in a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D-. This felt like two rookies doing wrestling drills instead of a match between two interesting guys. Both guys looked old and out of place on a show like this but again that’s one of the problems with a show like this. Absolutely terrible here though and I have no idea why these two were put out there against each other.

Harris Brothers vs. Kidman/Disco Inferno

Everyone is an active wrestler from this point on. At least Kidman has Torrie with him here for some eye candy. Sean Casey of the Cincinnati Reds is guest referee for no apparent reason. Kidman starts with we’ll say Ron Harris. We open with a lot of stalling before Ron (in an NWO shirt) shoves Kidman down with ease. Back up and Kidman dropkicks him to the outside for another stop in the action.

Off to Disco vs. Don Harris with the big man being taken down by the arm. Back up and Disco walks into a Boss Man Slam for two, only to be taken down by a bulldog. Ron comes in again and charges into a boot of the now legal Kidman. The heel twins finally cheat to take over and it’s Kidman playing Ricky Morton. Ron works over the back but misses a charge into the corner, allowing for the hot tag to Disco. Everything breaks down and Kidman turns on Disco for no apparent reason, allowing the Brothers to hit an H Bomb (kind of a double belly to back suplex/powerbomb) for the pin.

Rating: D. Another nothing match here with a pointless heel turn. It’s a one off show guys, did you really need to throw in something like that? The match had a basic story of power vs. speed to it but the Harris Brothers weren’t interesting enough to get us anywhere as a power brawling team. Bad match.

Casey beats up Charles Robinson, again for no apparent reason.

Hugh G. Rection vs. Vampiro

There’s no contact in the first minute. Rection is holding his leg for some reason. They lock up seventy five seconds into the match and Rection hits a shoulder block to take Vampiro down. Back up and Vampiro fires off some kicks to send Rection to the floor, followed by a big dive over the top. After some brawling that we can’t see, Vampiro is sent into the barricade and chopped into the crowd.

Again we can’t see a thing and it’s even worse than some ECW shows I’ve seen. The fans are really impressed by something but the screen is pretty much black. Now the fans tell someone that they screwed something up and the lights come on enough to see Rection being thrown through a table. They FINALLY head back into the ring and Rection misses the moonsault allowing Vampiro to hit the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) for the pin.

Rating: N/A. I can’t rate a match I could barely see. There was literally nothing to see here at times with the “action” being nothing of note. Vampiro is one of those guys that I never got the appeal of but he certainly has his fans. Rection (Bill DeMott) was probably at the peak of his career around this time, which isn’t saying much.

Chris Benoit vs. Steven Regal

That would of course be William Regal and this is the only reason to watch this show. Benoit has only been in the WWF about four months at this point so he’s still a big deal. Feeling out process to start with Benoit taking him into the corner and firing off right hands. Chris cranks on the arm a bit and Regal can’t roll free. Instead he grabs a wristlock of his own and cranks on the Canadian’s arm as we’re still in the technical portion of the match.

They go to a test of strength grip with Benoit on the mat and Regal drops a hard knee to the chest. They keep the grip and Benoit nips up before headbutting Regal away. A hard dropkick and an enziguri send Regal to the floor but he avoids a baseball slide and kicks Benoit in the face. They head to the apron with Chris DDTing him down onto the edge of the ring.

Back in and Benoit suplexes him down for two but Regal trips him up and cranks on a chinlock while laying on Benoit’s back. Think an STF minus the leg lock. Benoit makes it over to the ropes for the break so Regal dropkicks him down for no cover. Regal hooks a seated surfboard stretch but reaches up to hook a dragon sleeper at the same time. I haven’t used this in awhile but FREAKING OW MAN!

Benoit elbows out of it and chops the tar out of Regal but Steven kicks him in the chest to put him back down. Back up and Benoit tries to roll some Germans but Regal elbows his way out. Regal tries a butterfly suplex but Benoit is all like “YOU DARE FIGHT MY SUPLEXES???” and hits another German. Benoit can’t follow up though and Regal takes him to the top for a butterfly superplex for two.

Regal is sent into the corner but they ram heads, giving Benoit two. Regal may be busted open. A pair of rollups only get two on Benoit so Regal fires off even more forearms. Benoit counters a tombstone into one of his own but the Swan Dive misses. Back up again and a dragon suplex gets two for Benoit but the Crossface ends Regal a second later.

Rating: A-. This match got Regal a job in the WWF and it’s not hard to see why. This was a very physical match with both guys looking great out there. Until this point, Regal has mainly been known as the blue blood who could have good matches at times but would usually be there as a jobber. REALLY good match here and worth seeing if you’ve never seen it. I believe it’s on Benoit’s DVD.

Post match Benoit praises Regal for the match.

Here’s Shane Douglas with something to say. Gee, I wonder if he’s going to complain about something. He says he would have been here last year but someone kept him away by pulling strings. Now on to Shane’s favorite topic of hatred: Ric Flair, who apparently is the cause of all of Shane’s problems.

Shane rants about Hulk Hogan causing every problem in wrestling and about how people like Lex Luger have turned WCW into their own playground. What does ANY of this have to do with Brian Pillman? He talks about Diamond Dallas Page and Page’s wife Kimberly, drawing out Page himself. Shane hits him low and stomps Page down but Page comes back and hits a Diamond Cutter before counting the three himself. Shane, ever the gentleman, dedicates the beating he took to Pillman.

ECW World Title: Raven vs. Justin Credible

Raven is challenging. Before the match Justin brags about how awesome he is so Raven says Justin still sucks to get us going. Ten punches in the corner have Credible in trouble and Raven throws him over the top to the floor. Some shots with a stool have Justin screaming and we head back inside, only to have Raven throw him back to the floor. Into the crowd now as is required in an ECW match but thankfully we can see a bit better than the Vampiro stuff.

Justin is thrown through some chairs and we head back to the ring with Raven in full control. A chair is brought in and Justin hooks a drop toehold to send Raven face first into the steel. Back to the floor as Justin flips off the crowd and sends Raven into the barricade. Again, what any of this has to do with Brian Pillman is beyond me. Bird Boy comes back with right hands but gets caught in a chinlock back inside.

That’s too boring for Credible though so he slams Raven down onto the chair and sets up a table at ringside. Back in and Justin puts on a sleeper but Raven sends him through the ropes and onto the table which doesn’t break. Raven hits a knee to the head but walks into a superkick for two. A low blow and a rollup get two for the champion and That’s Incredible (tombstone, Justin’s finisher) gets the same. The chair is set up again but this time it’s Justin being sent face first into it for two. Not that it matters as another tombstone retains the title.

Rating: D. If there was a point to Justin Credible I’m not sure what it was. I never saw anything special in him but Heyman would not let him fall down the card no matter what. The match was pretty much junk but that goes without saying for most ECW matches. By this point the company was pretty much done and the dying days were much more dull than bad.

Eddie Guerrero vs. D’Lo Brown

Both guys have a Cincinnati Red with them. Before the match, Eddie and his Red Dmitri Young talk some trash that the audio barely picks up. Apparently Eddie is mad at Brown for using the frog splash without his permission. It’s better than no story at all. Brown comes out with Danny Graves who does the D’Lo head shake in a funny bit. Brown and Graves have their own trash talking which I can’t understand either. Eddie dropkicks Brown while he’s talking and we’re ready to go.

They fight over a top wristlock and D’Lo knocks him over with a shoulder (Brown: “YOU SUCK!”) before they botch a slide underneath spot. Brown slams him down and stomps away while shouting to the crowd a lot. I think Brown is the good guy here but it’s not entirely clear. A HARD chop to Eddie’s chest makes the crowd inhale but he comes back with a snap suplex. Brown rolls away from the Frog Splash and slams Eddie down, only to be crotched while loading up the Low Down. A superplex puts D’Lo down but Eddie can’t follow up. D’Lo rolls to the floor and here’s Dean Malenko to jump Guerrero for the DQ.

Rating: D. Well that happened. Seriously there isn’t much else to say about this one. I liked the idea of the battle of the frog splashes but it was better when it was RVD instead of Eddie. The best part of this match was Graves doing the head shake and that was before the bell ever rang. Nothing to see here.

Eddie comes back on Dean until Perry Saturn runs in to help Malenko. Brown makes the save and, after about three minutes of taunting from Eddie and Brown, it’s a tag match.

Eddie Guerrero/D’Lo Brown vs. Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

D’Lo punches Saturn to the floor to start as Dean and Perry are definitely the heels here. Now Dean and Brown stare at each other so D’Lo brings in Eddie. Eddie dropkicks him down but gets caught in the heel corner to give Dean control. Saturn slams Guerrero down for two and we hit a chinlock maybe ninety seconds into the match. Eddie fights up and makes the tag to Brown, setting up a VERY awkward looking sequence as Saturn and Brown miss each other several times until Saturn finally connects with a clothesline. It looked like they’re on different planets instead of in the same ring.

Thankfully Dean comes in to settle things down but a few seconds later it’s back to Saturn for some arm work. Saturn hooks a short arm scissors but Brown does the traditional power lift to escape. Back to Dean for a kick in the back and the leg lariat to put D’Lo down. The Radicalz work over the arm for a good while until Eddie comes in sans tag and dropkicks Saturn.

Not that it matters as the arm work continues but I guess Guerrero was getting bored. D’Lo finally hooks a neckbreaker to put Dean down and the hot tag brings in Eddie. The cameraman seems to trip as we keep getting shots of the mat instead of the action. Everything breaks down and Saturn accidentally kicks Dean, setting up the Low Down for the pin.

Rating: D-. Oh my this was bad. I don’t know what the deal was with Saturn and Brown but it looked like some horribly bad amateur stuff instead of two former champions. This match had no flow to it at all and was a near disaster. Eddie looked ok and that’s about all there is to say about the match.

Overall Rating: D. The first two matches are watchable, but the rest of the show (minus the classic of course) is DREADFUL. I have no idea what kind of a tribute this was supposed to be but it didn’t make me miss Brian Pillman at all. This show is a borderline disaster with only Benoit and Regal saving it from being one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.

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Hardcore Heaven 1997
Date: August 17, 1997
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 1,950
Commentator: Joey Styles

So unlike in the major companies, we’ve had 4 months since the last PPV. Since then, Raven is gone and Dreamer is either the top face or the second biggest face in the company. He’s facing Jerry Lawler tonight in a match that’s more or less based off a mini invasion that the WWF was doing.

Other than that we’ve got a rematch from the Night the Line Was Crossed as it’s a three way dance with Funk, Douglas and Sabu, the current champion, having beaten Funk for the title from Funk about a week before. Why they bothered with that is beyond me but then again it’s ECW so there we are. Other than that, it’s a random assortment of matches that I’m sure aren’t likely to be explained, which isn’t Joey’s fault per se. Let’s get to it.

We of course start in the ring with Joey and the lighting is AWFUL. I mean you can barely see the crowd other than the first maybe 10 rows. What’s that they’re chanting? I can’t quite make it out. This should be interesting as they’re out of their comfort zone in New England. He runs down the card, which makes little sense as anyone that’s bought the show already likely knows the card already, but then again what do I know?

Only Funk gets anything close to a pop when mentioned. Lawler gets MAD heat. Joey is about to talk about Dreamer when he’s cut off by the music of Rick Rude. He clearly says son of a female dog when it starts. Rude sold out apparently. OH I remember this. It’s the time where he showed up on Raw and ECW and soon on Nitro as he jumped from WWF and appeared on both shows in one night as Raw was taped.

He had been on Hardcore TV the night before, so in 24 hours he appeared on all three shows. That’s pretty freaking cool. Rude had recently helped WWF guys beat ECW guys at Heatwave so no one likes him at all. Rude introduces Candido for the TV Title match. Yeah that was really useful Rick.

TV Title: Chris Candido vs. Taz

Something tells me I know the ending this already. Todd Gordon, the ECW Commissioner comes down and says Rude has to leave because he’s not a licensed manager. So let me get this straight. You can throw people through burning tables. You can have your arm split open and tape it back together. You can get tied together in barbed wire. You can have a lesbian angle on nationally syndicated television. All of that’s ok.

However, if you want to stand by the ring and cheer someone on, you need to have permission. I love making fun of wrestling. We go to the intro with the theme song, which I’ve never gotten why they do this after the show actually starts. It’s just very odd. We get a wide shot of the arena and you can’t see ANYTHING. Apparently this is a main event. Well ok then. The big match introductions never get old if nothing else. I have to give Taz this: he was perfect at what he did.

It’s so odd to see him being goofy like he is now and then here see him be more or less a killing machine. We get a nice TAZ IS GONNA KILL YOU chant. I thought TNA and ROH were supposed to be an alternative. They stole stuff from ECW too apparently so there we are. They mention Taz is 29 here.

That’s just weird to hear for some reason. He seems older than that but the same age now if that makes sense. They do a great mat wrestling sequence and submission exchange that I’m into. You can see the shadows on the mat. That’s just pitiful. An issue I have with referees in ECW: SLOW DOWN THE COUNTS. Watch an ECW match and they count as fast as they possibly can. It’s insane.

Candido works the neck which makes sense here if nothing else as this is where Taz broke his neck a few years ago. That’s rather smart and some nice continuity which you hardly ever get from the big two today. We hit the floor for a bit but the only weapons use would be a few slams into the railing which I’d hardly classify as weapons use. I like that.

A nice looking diving headbutt gets two as Candido is in control here. He sends Taz into the corner to set up the top rope powerbomb which was his finisher at this time. I like the set up for it also as he whips him in and Taz stays there. That’s not entirely contrived.

Actually yeah it is as any wrestler usually lands back first there and why would Taz do it differently, knowing what Candido finishes with? Eh, either way he counters with a nice suplex (shocking). After Taz goes suplex insane, he sits on the second rope with Candido in control somehow, but as Chris poses, the champ gives the throat slit and locks on the Tazmission for the tap out.

Rating: A-. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! If this was what ECW was like most of the time, I’d be a huge fan. This was hard hitting, fast paced, exciting stuff. Above all else though: THEY WRESTLED. This wasn’t about weapons and chairs and insanity. This was about two guys out there using their own talents and abilities to get something good doing and it worked to perfection. It would have been a higher grade with fewer powerbombs and more time, but still this was great.

Joey plugs their next PPV, and says you should come see it live, as a lot of the time stuff happens before they go on the air. Like tonight for example, the Insane Clown Posse showed up to perform, but the then heel RVD and Sabu showed up and beat the tar out of them. I always liked Van Dam.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Spike Dudley

This is a revenge match apparently. Spike is a bit different than the one that you see most of the time, as he’s Little Spike Dudley. He sees “colors” and wears tie dye. I think you get the joke. He was made into the Giant Killer after beating Bigelow on TV a week prior to this. The 80s explode here as Bigelow comes out to Welcome to the Jungle and Spike comes out to Highway to Hell.

Either way they’re both great bands and songs so there we are. Bigelow really was a big coup for ECW as he was a freaking machine that was quite good when he was on his game. He was the guy that threw Spike into the crowd and they body surfed him around the arena in one of ECW’s signature moments. After a splash maybe a minute into the match, Bigelow does a little dance which amuses me.

The fans keep chanting over here, as in where they want him to throw Spike. I have to give the fans this: they are very loyal. After hitting some decent little offense (like anything he could do is big) Spike takes one of the best powerbombs I’ve ever seen. That looked AWESOME.

In another great spot, Spike is thrown from the ring into about the 3rd row. That’s just impressive. This is a flat out crushing. It’s beyond a squash. Another great looking piledriver leads to the moonsault for the academic pin. That ring is really small. Spike bled a lot in there.

Rating: N/A. It was a really long squash. What can I give it as a legit grade? There were some painful looking spots in there and Bigelow looked awesome so all is right I guess.

We go back to the thing from before the show with the ICP where we see Sandman who was injured by RVD and Sabu and couldn’t wrestle. He beat on them a bit and then they beat him down. That’s traditional ECW if I’ve ever heard of it. I have no idea if the fans can see this as they have no video screens that I know of.

Rob Van Dam vs. Al Snow

This is Monday Night Rules, meaning it’s a traditional wrestling match. Snow wasn’t quite over yet though as he was little more than a former tag jobber as far as the mainstream goes. He would find Head soon enough though, which would be more than enough to get him over, which is putting it mildly. He gets almost no reaction here though.

RVD is one of the top heels here as he had been showing up on Raw and calling himself Mr. Monday Night. He was using what would become known as Starship Pain as his finisher there for no apparent reason. He gets mild heat as he’s just so popular for his in ring ability. Snow gets some boos but more or less it’s indifference. Head was the best thing that ever happened to him.

This starts off fast like the other match did and I’m perfectly fine with that. Joey makes an unintended joke as he points out that there are no mats. That’s true, but only WCW, the company they wanted to be completely different from, did that as a national company. They go to the floor and stay there longer in the Monday Night Rules match than they did in the traditiona ECW rules match.

That makes perfect sense right? Still though, that’s fine as they keep it between themselves with the only weapons being used being the guard rail. Like I said, I’d hardly even call that a weapon. Snow puts Van Dam against the apron on the floor and walks up the entry way before getting a running start for a clothesline. Ok, that’s fine.

What’s not fine is Joey asking if we saw that. NO YOU DIPSTICK WE DIDN’T BECAUSE THE CAMERA WAS ON VAN DAM. Will you think for like two seconds please? Back in the ring, Snow gets taken down and actually kicks out of the Frog Splash. That’s very surprising and gets a just barely over minimal reaction. We hit the floor and break out our first chair of the show, in a match under Monday Night Rules.

I love these absurd rules and the like. Snow does another of the long runs for a clothesline but gets a chair pelted into his face, in clear view of the referee, who does nothing but keep the ten count going. We go back into the ring now after some more chair stuff where RVD gets two. The chair stuff was minimal, but at least it made a bit more sense. We get a LOUD Van Dam chant just before the Van Daminator gets the pin.

Rating: B. This was good, although not as good as the first match. The Monday Night Rules thing was just stupid and pointless but whatever. I’m ok with the chair here because the focus of the match was still on the wrestling and in ring action which is the most important part of the show. Both of these guys would get far bigger over the next year or so, but this was pretty solid stuff, at least in theory.

In a WEIRD segment, we go to the EXTREME CHOPPER in the sky, following the Sandman’s ambulance. Ok, let me make sure have this straight. BEFORE the show started, so at least an hour ago, Sandman was put into an ambulance and taken away.

He has since taken over the ambulance and is now driving around the city, trying to find the War Memorial. It should be noted that apparently this is news worth following, despite him not wrestling tonight. Also, WHEN DID ECW GET A HELICOPTER??? I think it might actually be legit, but my guess is it’s somehow faked. Whatever.

We get a promo from Lawler, who says he was talking to Vince who says that this is a bad day in his career for having to go and do this himself. He says he’s not here alone. Apparently Taker is cheering him on. For some reason I don’t buy that. Apparently Bret Hart is cheering for him. That doesn’t sound right either. Finally, Austin apparently wants to be there too. All of them want him to use their finishers, which strikes me as very odd but whatever.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Gangstas

The Dudleys get no intro again. They’re joined by Big Dick Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley, Joel Gertner, and Jenna Jameson. Joel talks about how tonight….wait a minute. JENNA FREAKING JAMESON??? HOW DID THEY GET HER??? That makes little sense but whatever as she looks epic. Joey knows her before anyone introduces her. That’s not going to go over well at all methinks (stolen from X).

Anyway, Joel does the really long intro, including a great line of “One fall, fifteen minute time limit, your referee in charge is bald.” That’s a lot better than it sounds. Jenna looks like she’s having fun, which is far more than Pam Anderson could do. The Gangstas aren’t here tonight apparently, so the Dudleys win by forfeit. Instead we get this.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. PG-13

The challengers are more commonly known as the white guys from the Nation of Domination. They were like 15 time tag champion in Memphis so whatever. They’re white rappers with the same amount of talent for wrestling that Vanilla Ice had at rapping. They’ve been talking all of ten seconds and I already hate them. They’re naturally the heels since they’re from Lawler’s company.

The one that talks is trying to be Jerry Lawler and it’s just failing all around. Oh and everyone wants to screw Jenna, and who can blame them? They must want to die from the clap or something like that. So after 8 minutes of intros we start with D-Von against Wolfie D. I wonder if he’s related to Desmond Wolf. You can shoot me at the end of the review. His partner is named JC Ice.

That sums them up as well as anything I can say. We get our first sexual assault on Jenna as JC hits the floor to kiss her. Ok correction: PG-13 aren’t bad. They’re just REALLY annoying. I really want to just smack the tar out of both of them 2 minutes into the match.

In an amusing spot, Bubba has one of the white guys in his evil clutches but as he’s handing him to D-Von for some cheating, JC reverses it to give Bubba’s arm to D-Von, who keeps ramming it over his shoulder while all of his managers try to get his attention. Once he finally gets the point he’s slammed the arm down about 9 times, drawing him a massive YOU F’D UP chant.

Actually, the Dudleys are the heels here, which is a tribute to their heel drawing abilities. The Dudleys are FAR bigger than the other guys. It’s really funny looking. Jenna looks incredible. Every time she jumps there’s a huge pop. They pick up the pace a lot and it turns into a free for all, which is how most tag matches in any company end so no problems there.

PG13 is something like the Briscos if you’re an ROH fan, just minus the flair and the gimmick. 3D on Wolfe and that’s it. That came out of nowhere. The announcer says still 3 time tag team champions, which they could have been if they had lost.

Rating: C+. This was slightly better than your average tag match which means it wasn’t that bad. It’s about ten minutes long and is a run of the mill power vs. high flying match, meaning that it’s decent enough. It’s no classic, but I’ve seen far worse matches. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

Sandman is still trying to get back to the arena and this is still news, despite not having a match tonight. The Chopper is still looking for him. Apparently he stopped and got a carton of cigarettes and a beer. This is pointless. They have a spotlight on him but the guy in the chopper says he can’t see him.

Jerry Lawler vs. Tommy Dreamer

Lawler plugs Ground Zero, which was an ok show at best and crap at worst. He more or less says the same thing that he said in his promo, which to be fair the live crowd hasn’t heard. Styles says he won’t be impartial. Well at least he won’t pretend to be like Ross does. BeulahL is freaking gorgeous.

After pinning Raven, Dreamer is now more or less one of the top faces in the company right there with Taz. They start off fast with weapons and that’s fine here. This is supposed to be about showing Lawler what ECW is about and that’s what they’re doing here. Jerry is bleeding 10 seconds in.

Fans keep giving Dreamer weapons which is an old standard for the company, especially him. They’re in the crowd and the lighting is so bad you can’t tell who is who other than the outline of a beard. Jerry has had no offense at all. It’s chair time but as he tries to come in off the top rope, Lawler manages to crotch him. It’s a good thing this wasn’t in Philly Lawler would be dead by now.

Styles is being really calm actually which impresses me. In a spot I like, Lawler just holds the chair up and rams Dreamer’s head into it. And there goes the impartiality. Lawler chokes Dreamer. A lot. A whole lot. Oh there’s a piledriver and Dreamer becomes the first person to ever kick out of it!* (Note*: that means the first person in Ft. Lauderdale named Tommy wearing an ECW shirt in August of 97.)

He rips Dreamer’s shirt off and wipes himself with it which makes him jobber up. His chest looks like Hogan’s if nothing else. Dreamer poses which allows for a low blow to switch the momentum again. We have our ref bump of the match to really make it a big time match. Lawler adds a DDT to him for no apparent reason. Dreamer is about to crotch Lawler on the post and the lights go out.

They come back on and Rude blasts Dreamer with a trash can to bust him open. Why did they have to go out for that to happen? That only gets two as Lawler kicks the referee again. Dreamer sets for a piledriver and we lose the lights again. They come back on to reveal Jake Roberts for no apparent reason.

He hits a clothesline on Dreamer who convulses like Terry Funk for no apparent reason. He adds a DDT to Dreamer as Lawler has no idea why he’s there. Neither do I but whatever. Jake says his God giveth but he doesn’t have the balls to do anything else.

Now Roberts hits a clothesline on Lawler who lands on Dreamer for two. Roberts walks out as I wonder who is handling security tonight since Roberts just walked in and out at his own will. Dreamer sets for his own DDT and FOR THE LOVE OF GOODNESS SHOOT THE GUY THAT’S RUNNING THE LIGHTS!!!

Sunny is there this time and sprays hairspray in Dreamer’s eyes. Beulah, who hasn’t done anything this whole match and I had forgotten about her, starts a catfight. Lawler tries to use her for a human shield so she kicks him low to allow Tommy to hit the DDT for the pin. Not overbooked at ALL.

Rating: D+. Before I go into this, let it be known: this is for the wrestling and action itself and not the symbolism or importance of anything here. That being said, this wasn’t that good at all. It was mainly just random weapons and ball shots that led to nothing. Also the three run ins were just overkill.

Rude I get and Sunny would have been ok, but you could have killed it off there. Roberts made no sense at all though. See, earlier in the show when Rude was there for the introduction, that justified his run in here. Since he was there earlier, it validated him being there at the end because it was known he was in the arena to support Candido.

For Roberts and Sunny, they had no business in the arena and it made no sense for them to be there. If Roberts had cut a quick promo or something, it would have been way better. Anyway, this was what it was supposed to be: Lawler getting beaten up by Dream, which was what happened. I didn’t like it that much, but I’m sure ECW fans did and that was the point.

Styles gives up the intro for the three way dance as he talks about how this is a big rematch from three and a half years ago. Heyman does the same thing in a video package.

Sandman finds the arena. This isn’t going to go well is it?

World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Remember this is elimination rules. So we have a guy that I have never seen have a good match aside from with weapons and even then he’s so spotty. Funk is old and crazy and still ok but not great. Finally you have Shane who is about as overrated as a wrestler not named Elijah can be.

Funk is at least smart and stays on the floor to start which really is intelligent. The other match should have been the main event. It really should have been as it was the focus of the show. Joey talks about how this is a changing of the guard. That’s why it’s a rematch of three and a half years ago right? This is a pretty decent triple threat but nothing great.

To be fair though, I hate three way matches so that makes no difference. They go at it for about twenty minutes which includes weapons since Sabu can’t last longer than 10 without them. Of course we get the triple sleeper which just looks stupid but whatever.

Anyway, Sandman finally gets here despite arriving at the building about 30 minutes ago and nails Sabu with a ladder so both others can pin him. We get a big brawl as they fight to the back which means they’ll fight at November to Remember. The fans are way behind Funk now, even though there was zero point at all to having Sabu get the belt a week before this match.

The locker room comes out to watch this “epic showdown.” Either way, after another bit including a kickout of the belly to belly (HOW COULD FUNK DO THAT???) a low blow and rollup gives Douglas the title again because that’s how things roll in ECW.

After the match ends, the Dudleys and Joel come out to say that Douglas should join them and become the Triple Crown instead of the Triple Threat. Bigelow and Candido come out to challenge them leading to a massive brawl to end the show. That was rather pointless but whatever.

Rating: C+. Again, I don’t like these kinds of matches which has a lot to do with the grade here. The timing here of about 25 minutes was FAR better than the original’s hour which I like. I still don’t get the point of having Sabu take the title 8 days earlier but whatever. The match was what it was which was a bunch of spots but there was some flow going out there which made it work. Not bad, but it’s not my cup of tea.

Overall Rating: B-. OH MY GOODNESS this was a huge turnaround from last time. For one thing, it felt like a PPV. Ok so having 2000 people there made the show feel minor league, but this felt like a big time show. I don’t like the match order especially at the end, but the big thing here: they toned down the weapons.

That balance is what makes this much more bearable for me as instead of having just random violence everything had a nice flow to it. Also, stories were addressed instead of just a bunch of random matches. This could have been better, but it was good for what it was.

This felt like a major show instead of a celebration of them getting on PPV, so that makes this a better show in my eyes than Barely Legal. Check it out if you have two and a half hours to kill I guess, especially the opener as that was a lot of good stuff. It goes downhill after that, but not a ton.

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Heat Wave 1998
Date: August 2, 1998
Location: Hara Arena, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 4,376
Commentator: Joey Styles

So apparently it’s ok to have no pay per views over the entire summer as it’s been three months since Wrestlepalooza. There are a few changes here. For one thing, guys like Mike Awesome and Masato Tanaka are here now, bringing a completely new style to ECW which was needed. Shane is of course still world champion and not wrestling tonight for no adequately explained reason.

The main event is a street fight, which is an oxymoron in ECW, between the Dudleys and Dreamer, Sandman and Spike. There is also a rather famous tag match with Van Dam and Sabu who have FINALLY ended the Storm and Candido tag title reign against Hayabusa and Jinsei Shinzaki (Hakushi). This is considered a classic but I’m not so sure that Sabu and classic can go together so we’ll just see. Let’s get to it.

Oh hey the world champion is on commentary tonight. Also all seven matches are main event matches apparently. Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose or something?

Joey introduces Francine (holy goodness) and Shane to be his co-hosts. After talking about Taz because they have to keep building up the freaking thing for another 5 months, Francine shoves Joey’s face into her chest.

Cue theme song and opening video.

We have a more traditional ECW entrance ramp now with the hole in the brick wall that they would use forever.

Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn

These two had a best of 21 series over a summer. Justin has a mob with him more or less. Naturally we get a shot at Chyna as they say Bass is bigger. Joey says they should name her Russia. Considering there was a chick in WCW named Asya, that’s kind of funny. This is the final match of said best of 21 series. Lynn of course comes out alone.

Apparently they’re feeling each other out. What the heck? THIS IS THEIR TWENTY FIRST MATCH IN THREE MONTHS. That’s a match every FOUR DAYS. How much feeling out do you need? Lynn is freaking MOVING out there. The tombstone is reversed into a rollup. Shane of course runs down Flair and Shawn even though that has nothing to do with anything.

I love how one of his first jobs in mainstream wrestling was being half of the New Rockers when Shawn was hurt. We’ll ignore that though. The first chair is in 15 minutes into the show. Well at least they waited a bit. We’re on the floor now and in full brawl mode. At least we got some wrestling stuff first so it balances out. Justin takes a DDT on the chair which should knock him out but of course it doesn’t.

That’s followed up by a hurricanrana through a table. I get that this is the last of the series, but dang man could you be a bit less contrived? To be fair though, this is a big match and not just a random pairing. Lynn keeps using the Tiger Bomb for some reason. Did he not have the Cradle Piledriver yet? Chastity gets a tombstone and Joey is glad. After an odd sequence, a tombstone from the second rope ends this with Justin winning.

Rating: C-. The weapons were a turn off for me as was all of the interference, but anyone that can have a best of 21 series is pretty decent. That’s a good way to describe Justin actually. Lynn impressed me here far more as he was carrying this. That’s Justin’s problem I think: he doesn’t do much and his offense is REALLY limited. It’s punch, taunt, chair move, taunt, tombstone. That doesn’t make you a good wrestler or character, but Heyman thought he was I guess.

We recap Storm vs. Candido and how they lost the belts to Van Dam and Sabu. Tonight is the one on one match.

Lance Storm vs. Chris Candido

Sunny looks freaking HOT. Joey thinks that maybe they’re getting along again and this will be a nice wrestling match. Naturally that doesn’t happen and Joey says he knew it wouldn’t. It’s funnier than it sounds. They chop the heck out of each other. DANG IT JOEY QUIT SAYING THE SAME THINGS I SAY!!! Candido gets a nice dive from the top rope to the floor. Freaking sweet looking.

Storm rolls Sunny in and then just lets her roll out again in a completely pointless sequence. This is a rather basic but intense match. Storm hits a SWEET springboard over the railing to crash into Candido. It’s a solid brawl but it’s really not that great. Storm gets another SWEET move with a spin kick off the middle rope.

We have our fifth Batista/Tiger Bomb (yes I know they’re different moves but Joey keeps saying it’s a Tiger Bomb so whatever) of the night. You don’t have to do the same move over and over again. Candido gets powder thrown in his own eyes but there goes the referee. Sunny crotches Storm on the top and the super powerbomb ends this. Oh and along the way Sunny got her top ripped off. Sunny needs to wear red more often. My freaking goodness!

Rating: C+. Not bad, but it felt like it ended all of a sudden. I mean there were some ok high spots here, but for the most part there just wasn’t a lot going on. It was about 11 minutes but it felt like five.

New Jack says he’s ready for whoever he’s fighting in a pretaped thing in the parking lot. A huge brawl breaks out and he curses way too much. They Dudleys and the Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks were in there. Jack is hurt apparently. Aww there’s no weapons match tonight. FOR SHAME!

Sabu, Van Dam and Alfonso are ready. Van Dam is on the verge of a face turn.

Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

These two feuded for the better part of ever and Tanaka usually would win if you can believe that. Awesome was just a freak of nature to say the least. In a little known bit of trivia, Awesome is the step nephew of one Hulk Hogan. Awesome could do just about everything and jumped all over the ring like Rey Mysterio, but he was the size of Test or so. And there he goes with a huge dive over the top rope.

Tanaka gets a running start with a chair to nail Awesome in the freaking head. That looked painful. Basically all Tanaka can do is blast him with a chair. I’m not saying that’s all he’s capable of, but that that’s all he can get to work. A huge splash hits as this is rather physical. It’s not great but it’s far from bad as well. Tanaka takes a bunch of chair shots to the head but he Rises Up as the chair looks diseased.

The Awesome Bomb connects but Awesome wants to use a table instead. I hate those stupid things. A chair shot from the top which should have killed Tanaka connects and still no cover. Tanaka escapes twice despite likely being legally dead and power bombs Awesome through the table.

I’ve officially lost this match now, as there comes a point where disbelief can’t be suspended anymore. The Roaring Elbow connects for the second time but only the first time that it was either noticed or that Awesome sold it. A tornado DDT on a chair ends it.

Rating: C+. Well it was a good brawl but not much more. The amount of kickouts was just dumb near the end, as half of those bumps should have killed them. It certainly was exciting if nothing else though. The good thing is that the matches didn’t really get bad but they never really got better either. This was fun.

During the post match part, Shane mentions he can’t get back in the ring until November 1. So just to be clear, the world champion is out at bare minimum three months, not counting however long he’s been out already. And everybody is ok with this?

Taz says he’s better and means more than Austin and Goldberg. Oh that’s FUNNY.

Ad for November to Remember which is when Shane returns to the ring.

The Dudleys, all like nine of them say that they’re ready for tonight and their street fight. All of them say that and it takes forever.

Tag Titles: Hayabusa/Shinzaki vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu

This is considered one of the gold standards of ECW so let’s see if it’s as good as I’ve been told that it is. The fans are into the Walk theme music for RVD and that’s an understatement. Van Dam is also the TV Champion. It’s amazing that he held it more or less until the company ended minus six months. The announcer butchers Shinzaki’s name to an extent that even I roll my eyes at it.

They say Sabu is from Bombay, Michigan and that never gets old. There’s no storyline here as they’ve just brought the guys in for a one off match. Ok then. Hayabusa and Van Dam start us off. We get a stall for a good while before we actually start. It’s an old Memphis tactic that I’ve always hated. They do a sloppy rollup/leg lock spot. Not a great starting point.

We get a you screwed up chant off blown spot number two. We’re MAYBE two minutes into this by the way. Off a kick to the face (think Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise) Hayabusa misses Rob’s head by about 6 inches yet Van Dam sells it anyway. There’s been WAY too much walking around and doing nothing here. In what’s likely Shinzaki’s biggest move, he does a praying rope walk around the top rope like Taker but he goes around a corner.

Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Van Dam is just holding onto him walking for about 8 seconds and has a free arm and two free feet, and we’re supposed to believe he’s just going to go quietly? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? When Taker does it it’s about 2 seconds on the ropes and nothing more. Not only is this sloppy, but it’s not making much sense.

And Sabu hasn’t even been in until now. He comes in for a cover. That makes sense. Nothing says high impact and cool looking offense like a chinlock! I think Hayabusa stole his attire from Hannibal from WCW/NWO Revenge. SUE HIM IMMEDIATELY!

Sabu shows some intelligence as he dropkicks the knee and then WORKS ON THE LEG! I’m stunned actually. After a LONG time of mat work etc we get to the high flying stuff that this is supposed to be about. Hayabusa is moving out there. We’re in the crowd now in case you were wondering. We’re out of the crowd now in case you were wondering.

Shinzaki and Sabu are in the ring while the other two are down on the floor. Van Dam puts Shinzaki in a bow and arrow so Sabu can hit him in the ribs with a chair. Again, WHY DO YOU NEED THE CHAIR??? The match was just starting to get good and we bring in a pointless chair because Sabu can’t work more than 5 minutes without a weapon. If you want to know what drives me the craziest about ECW, it’s THAT.

Sabu goes out, the chairs are taken out, and the match is instantly going up in value. Hayabusa going insane off the ropes is fun to watch. Why do we need chairs and weapons? Sabu hits a decent jumping hurricanrana. That wasn’t bad at all. See, if he tries, he could do some decent NON WEAPON RELATED stuff. Shinzaki hits what we would call a Pele kick on Van Dam. Hayabusa hits a 450 splash and this isn’t terrible.

Sabu hooks a Boston Crab so Van Dam can go up for a leg drop. It turns out to be a hip drop on his head but whatever. This has lost anything resembling flow or actual tag wrestling and is just a mess anymore. If that’s the case, what was the point of the tagging thing earlier? We have a table and I more or less give up now. Shinzaki hits a WEIRD looking leg twist on Van Dam. It was cool looking if nothing else.

More chair use as Van Dam jumped from one side of the ring to another for kind of a Van Daminator. Sabu hurts his hand doing something. They break the table. Not break through it but just break it. So we get two more! Oh and a chair which is slammed over Hayabusa’s head. A Van Daminator takes down Shinzaki.

In the big spot of the match, both Japanese guys are on one table and the champions go up top and crash through both guys. That ends it. Seriously? It should be noted that in every replay, the champions use weapons and the challengers never do. That should tell you a few things.

Rating: D+. The first half of this was pretty good. It wasn’t great at all but I didn’t expect it to be. After about ten minutes though it’s your standard ECW tag match: weapons, ridiculous spots with zero transitions, and a complete lack of anything resembling tagging.

Also, the first half is made to look pointless as they tagged then but they don’t in the second half. BE CONSISTENT ALREADY! It’s watchable I guess, but it’s nothing I’m going to remember in about a day or so. This is the best tag match ECW ever had? That explains a lot.

We recap Bigelow vs. Taz. More or less, Taz got put through the ring and he went after Shane and the Triple Threat, including Bigelow. This was the introduction of the FTW Title. This was really about setting up Shane vs. Taz but because the champion was injured for at least three months, we didn’t get the match for about another 6 months.

Yeah, because we couldn’t do that in November since we had to have a 6 man tag instead. I mean, it’s not like this hasn’t been going on for the last 4 months already or anything. Heyman makes my head hurt.

FTW Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Taz

You know, for an unrecognized title, it certainly was recognized by the announcer. Oh this is a death match, meaning falls count anywhere. Bigelow is noticeably less fat. Shane says he won’t cheer lead. That’s rather amusing. First move of the match: Bigelow powerbombs Taz and it’s completely no sold. Give me a break. This isn’t your standard big man vs. little man match as Taz isn’t your typical little man.

Taz goes air (Evan) borne by jumping off the stage at Bigelow who catches him. That’s always been a move I get impressed by. They’re in the crowd here which at least makes sense in this case as it’s falls count anywhere. We get an armbar on the floor. Ok then. Shane of course takes credit for everything that Bigelow does. At least he’s being a heel. The lack of weight really does help him out I think. Taz is bleeding.

Back in the ring now and IT’S TABLE TIME! SO NEW! SO INNOVATIVE! OH YES!!! Taz goes through it and Bigelow is dominating. They exercise recycling as they have Bigelow go through the same table that Taz did. ECW is environmentally conscious if nothing else.

And then we go on the ramp and Taz reverses a DDT through the ramp to do the same big mindless spot that they did in the first match. Both guys of course come out of the hole and the Tazmission is on for the tap out. Shane’s reaction is great. I’d sell my G-Mod spot for a curses foiled again from him.

Rating: D+. Again just an overblown brawl. Thankfully this ended their feud but again it’s just another chapter in the Shane/Taz saga. It was all about one spot which is the smoke and mirrors booking that Heyman was notorious for. It’s ok to just wrestle. He needs to get that.

We recap the Dudleys vs. the faces which started when Beaulah had her neck broken by them. Joey goes on a rant against the Dudleys because of what they did. The heat on them was unreal.

Dudleys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Spike Dudley/Sandman

The Dudleys are Bubba, D-Von and Big Dick in case you were wondering. This is the show where everyone went off on the Dudleys that Bubba talked about on Rise and Fall of ECW if you remember. There’s a piece of plywood more or less over the hole in the ramp. We get a bunch of promos from every one of the heels. The Dudleys would be gone in about a year or so.

Joel gets his usual great promo in that makes me laugh. Oh and Sign Guy is hurt pretty badly due to a ton of beatings. Oh and there’s a Beaulah doll with them. Sandman’s entrance takes about ten minutes and we have a ladder for no apparent reason. It’s a Dudleyille Street Fight so of course we’re tagging in and out. Dreamer and D-Von start us off.

Something tells me this is going to be violent quickly. Spike comes in and of course gets the tar beaten out of him by Bubba. Quite a bit of the next three or four minutes is just Spike getting beaten up. Oh joy it’s Dick vs. Sandman. This isn’t going to be pretty at all. Screw it we’re on the floor now. If this turns into a regular tag team match again I’ll be AMAZED.

Tommy and D-Von are in the crowd now with the non African-American winning it. It’s ladder time and they just beat the heck out of each other with it with big spots followed by resting and then more brawling. D-Von’s overselling never gets old to me if nothing else. Bubba finally hits that back splash thing onto a ladder onto Tommy. That’s not dumb at all.

We have more weapons in the ring than people. The managers get beaten up. All three Dudleys and Gertner are tied to the Tree of Woe and the referee hit dropkicks onto chairs to them all. I give up man. Sandman whispers into Bubba’s ear before they set up a spot. Sandman takes a SICK chair shot to the head. Dreamer hits a DDT on Bubba onto a ladder for the pin. And here’s New Jack and Jack Victory who were supposed to have a match earlier to beat people up and we’re done.

Rating: F+ More brawling. That’s all this was. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BRAWLING??? Look, I get that this is a hardcore company. I get that this was a big grudge match. I get that this was about revenge. I get all that, but FREAKING WRESTLE FOR MORE THAN TWO FREAKING MINUTES A MATCH!

This was the most violent match of the night, true. However, it COMPLETELY loses its appeal when there have been what, three other wild brawls already tonight? This is why I hate reviewing ECW: I get more wrestling on the hour long show that airs on Tuesdays than I do in the original three hour long PPVs. That’s unacceptable any way you look at it.

Overall Rating: D. This brawling stuff has got to freaking stop, but something tells me that simply isn’t going to happen at all. This was the sixth ECW PPV and while this was better than Wrestlepalooza, that’s not saying much. This just didn’t work for me as it was all about violence. ECW was supposed to have a balance but it just wasn’t there on this show at all and the show sucked as a result to me.

It’s not completely terrible, but it’s repetitive. By the end of the show I hated the thought of another chair or weapon shot and was just burnt out. That’s really bad and something tells me it’s not going to change. Also for the love of goodness stop comparing yourselves to WWF. They were 4 weeks away from tearing MSG down with Rock vs. HHH in the ladder match at Summerslam 98. You guys don’t deserve to be able to even talk about that company at this point. Stay clear of this one.

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