Impact Wrestling
Date: July 20, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

So it seems we’re still on Alberto El Patron vs. Bobby Lashley after Lashley abandoned El Patron to the hands of LAX last week. This feud has been going on for months now and it’s apparently continuing as there’s no one else to put into the main event scene. Some new names need to be added to the title picture too as it’s getting rather tiresome. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of LAX recruiting Alberto El Patron, including last week’s tag match with Alberto and Lashley picking up the win, only to have Lashley abandon Alberto after the match.

Video on Sammy Guevara, who is young and rather braggadocios. He’s here because he’s one of the best in the world and is ready to win this tournament and move on to the X-Division Title.

Video on Drago, who talks about being from another world and is ready to win as well.

Super X Cup First Round: Drago vs. Sammy Guevara

They speed things up to start and neither can hit anything early on. Drago offers a handshake on the standoff but gets slapped in the face instead. Sammy casually backflips over a clothesline and sends Drago outside for a shooting star from the top. Back in and a reverse hurricanrana gives Drago two, followed by the Dragon’s Tail (very twisting rollup) for the same. That’s fine with Sammy who comes back with a 630 for his own near fall. Drago is back up as well and hits a rather sloppy running Blockbuster DDT for the pin at 4:23.

Rating: C+. Fun match, complete lack of selling aside. This was straight out of the “you do a spot and I do a spot” playbook, which is only going to get you so far. Guevara was a fun heel who plays the bravado quite well. Drago is 41 years old and looks about half that age but it makes sense to push him on given his status with Ring of Honor.

Some GFW wrestlers went to a children’s camp for charity. Nothing wrong with that.

Sienna vs. Amber Nova

Non-title. Nova goes at her to start but gets sent into the corner, followed by a wheelbarrow suplex. A delayed vertical suplex is broken up but the AK47 puts Nova away at 1:26. Total squash.

Post match Sienna mocks Rosemary for being a loser and calls out Karen Jarrett. Sienna wants her to get on her knees and calls Sienna the greatest Knockout of all time. Karen doesn’t think so but Sienna says she just told her to. Allie makes the save with a kendo stick but Laurel Van Ness comes in and beats Allie down. Rosemary comes out for the real save. That goes badly as well but Karen pulls Sienna off. Cue Gail Kim to clean house because that’s what Kim does. Karen makes a Last Knockout Standing match between Rosemary and Sienna for the title next week.

Earlier this week, LAX kidnapped Alberto’s brother to get Alberto to join LAX.

Video on Hijo de Fantasma.

Bruce Prichard (Did the whole “Where’s Bruce” thing from Slammiversary ever go anywhere?) is in the back and runs into Trevor Lee. Bruce wants to know what’s up with the X-Division Title when Sonjay Dutt comes in and tries to get the title back. Security takes him away, which Lee says proves he’s the better champion. Bruce seems to agree.

Idris Abraham/Demus/Trevor Lee vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr./Octagoncito

Lucha rules. Idris and Garza don’t do anything to start so it’s off to the minis for a headscissors to send Demus outside. Garza dives on the other villains and we take a break. Back with Lee, who is wearing the X-Division Title, working on Octagoncito until a headscissors puts him down.

The hot tag brings in Garza Jr. and we remove the pants. They hit the floor for the dives, including Laredo Kid getting caught in the ropes and nearly landing on the apron. We hit the Row the Boat spot (it didn’t work in WCW and it’s not working here), followed by Laredo hitting a big flip dive to the floor. Back in and Octagoncito gets on Garza’s shoulders while Garza is on the middle rope for a huge splash onto Abraham for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C. Botches aside, this was a fun match but the problem here is the time. A lot of the roster barely has time to get on the roster week to week but this is getting more than twice the time that the Super X Cup, which is actually for something, received. Both matches were fun but shouldn’t those times be reversed?

It’s time for Grado to go on a date with Laurel Van Ness He ate the chocolates and drank the champagne but he’s got coupons! The date is backstage and they’re in their gear with Grado tucking his napkin into his singlet. Laurel’s eating scares Grado’s appetite away.

LAX has kidnapped Alberto’s father to try to get Alberto to join as well.

Hijo de Fantasma vs. Matt Sydal vs. Low Ki

One fall to a finish. Sydal takes over to start until Fantasma spinwheel kicks him down. Ki sends Sydal outside but winds up limping a bit to slow him back down. Fantasma kicks Ki in the face to knock him off the top rope and out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Sydal hitting a standing moonsault on Ki but getting caught in a surfboard from Fantasma.

Ki breaks it up with the Warrior’s Way but the knee is too banged up to cover. Instead Sydal just falls onto Fantasma for two. The Ki Krusher is broken up so Sydal is sent into the corner again. The regular Warrior’s Way hits Fantasma but Sydal breaks it up with the shooting star press for the pin on Fantasma at 13:57.

Rating: C. Now they’re going overboard with the X-Division stuff. This is the third match out of four that has been built around the division and they’re starting to run together. Sydal is starting to go somewhere and it’s nice to see them pushing someone fresh in the division, but there’s so much other stuff going on that it’s starting to get lost in the shuffle.

Post match Sydal calls out Prichard and asks for a title shot. Cue Lashley of all people but Sydal says no one wants to hear it because this is his time to ask for a title shot. Lashley spears him down and says that’s only a start.

Back to the date with Laurel getting a bit too close to Grado, who keeps reminding himself about the citizenship.

Eddie Edwards vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Moose vs. Eli Drake

Before the match, the Swoll Mates chase off Chris Adonis. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie hitting a suicide dive onto Drake, who is then taken down again by Moose’s spinning high crossbody. Drake is right back up to send Moose outside and it’s time to double team Eddie. As you might expect, Drake and Carter get in an argument so Moose comes back in to throw them outside.

That’s not enough throwing as he tosses Edwards onto them as well. Eddie hurricanranas Carter back inside but has to deal with Drake, allowing Ethan to send him into the post. There’s the 1%er to Edwards but Moose pulls Carter outside, allowing Drake to steal the pin at 6:23.

Rating: C-. Another match with little structure that seemed to exist for the sake of fitting in as many people onto the card as they could. The match didn’t have much of a flow to it until the ending, though Eli and Ethan shouting their names at each other was a nice moment. I could go for some story tonight though and this match didn’t give me that.

LAX cuts off the Swoll Mates and asks Alberto’s family if he’s joining the team. Apparently not but Konnan holds the troops back…..and then lets them beat the two of them down.

Post break here’s LAX with Dos Caras as Dos Caras Jr. in the ring. The beat down is on until Konnan threatens Sr.’s mask. This brings Alberto to the stage before he slowly gets inside. He gets in “Carlos’” face and says this is too far for the sake of Mexican pride. Alberto says they’re brothers but if LAX wants him, let his family go. The family is sent outside and Alberto agrees to join the team to keep them save. He puts on the shirt but then beats down LAX to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. If you don’t like the LAX vs. Alberto story, RUN AWAY from this show. Nearly no other story got as much as five minutes on this show and it got a bit tiring watching all these multi-person matches, many of which felt like they barely advanced anything. The wrestling itself helped a lot but there was WAY too much LAX here and it dragged the show down a lot.

Results

Drago b. Sammy Guevara – Blockbuster DDT

Sienna b. Amber Nova – AK47

Garza Jr./Laredo Kid/Octagoncito b. Demus/Idris Abraham/Trevor Lee – Splash to Abraham

Matt Sydal b. Hijo de Fantasma and Low Ki – Shooting star press to Fantasma

Eli Drake b. Ethan Carter III, Eddie Edwards and Moose – 1%er to Edwards

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 29, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s the last night in India and the go home show for Slammiversary. Most of Sunday’s card is set and tonight we get the hard sell for the show, which will include some contract signings. Also advertised is Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle in a street fight, and I’m a bit worried about that possibly closing the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at what’s coming on Sunday and how important it is. This feels like the pay per view opening instead of the TV opening.

Opening sequence.

Before the show went on the air, we had contract signings for four matches. First up, Sienna called Rosemary dumb for signing up for the match. Sienna said she spits fire while Rosemary spits mist. Rosemary promised to make Sienna sign her death certificate in blood. Next up Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards argued about their wives and how badly they were going to hurt each other.

Third was Ethan Carter III and James Storm nearly coming to blows and then promising to beat each other senseless. Storm got especially fired up and promised to show why he’s been around for fifteen years. The final contract signing saw Lashley sign to face Alberto El Patron. A fight was teased and the table was finally turned over so Bruce Prichard made an eight man tag, albeit with Kongo Kong and Mahabali Shera taking the women’s places.

Video on Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki, which would have been better as a way to close out the taping cycle, though I get why they couldn’t with no time to set up the pay per view rematch.

Sonjay Dutt/Matt Sydal vs. Trevor Lee/Low Ki

Dutt armdrags Lee down to start as the fans are WAY into Sonjay here. Sydal comes in with an armdrag but gets caught in the wrong corner. Of course no one is talking about the match because the announcers are talking about their own match instead. The good guys come back with stereo standing moonsaults and we take a break.

Back with Low Ki stomping on Sydal’s chest and the announcers talking about the Knockouts. When that goes nowhere, they start name dropping former announcers. Sydal gets in a few kicks to set up the tag to Dutt. A tornado DDT drops Lee and it’s time for the showdown with Low Ki.

That goes on for all of five seconds before it’s back to Sydal or the top rope knees. A jumping kick to Lee’s head looks to set up the shooting star but Low Ki makes the save. That save doesn’t quite work though as Sydal hits the shooting star for the pin at 13:38. That was quite the unnecessary shooting star as Lee didn’t move for about a minute straight after the kick to the head but you need your flippy bits in there.

Rating: C. Slightly better than the usual X match here and they’ve done a good job of setting up the rematch on Sunday. Having the other two guys who don’t have a match doing the finish was a smart move to keep the other guys safe going into the title match. This did its job and that’s all you can ask for most of the time.

Video on DeAngelo Williams’ training.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis vs. Mumbai Cats

The Cats are masked men in loud gear. Cat #1 gets knocked into the corner and hammered down with the variety of offense you would expect here. The Eli Drop (White Noise) ends #1 at 2:59. Total squash.

King Mo will be in Lashley’s corner on Sunday. I don’t know why I’m supposed to care either.

Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle

Mumbai street fight with a short Bollywood actor as referee and they’re already in the comedy spots before I can finish typing this sentence. Swoggle throws nuts and powder at Spud’s face but Spud hits him with a trashcan. A table is set up at ringside and Spud punches him into the corner. Instead of following up though, he grabs a mic and starts talking trash about how everyone hates Swoggle.

The big deal though: he MEANT to pull Swoggle’s pants down. Spud shoves the referee down but gets shoved back, resulting in the referee losing his own pants. Naturally Spud loses his pants too but Swoggle actually manages to pick him up for a Doomsday Device. A Samoan drop through the table gives Swoggle the pin at 6:15.

Rating: D. This is a good example of “not for me”. I’m not big on comedy matches like this one where they beat you over the head with the joke, but at least it didn’t close the show (it was the last thing taped). They didn’t give it much time either and while I didn’t fine it funny, it could have been much worse.

JB and Joseph Park finish their training and Park comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him. Before JB leaves, he hands Park an Abyss figure and tells him to find the inner monster. So wait: we’re getting Abyss at Slammiversary after spending OVER A MONTH dealing with Park? I mean, it’s not exactly a surprise but I’ve been miserable with this feud since the beginning so messing with it in any way was going to get under my skin.

Alberto El Patron is happy that his father will be at Slammiversary.

Sienna/Laurel Van Ness/KM vs. Allie/Rosemary/Braxton Sutter

Allie goes after Laurel to start and it’s quickly off to the men with Sutter hammering away in the corner. A full nelson slam drops Braxton but he gets in a suplex into the corner for a breather. Rosemary and Laurel come back in with Van Ness getting suplexed down for two as everything breaks down. Laurel hits an Unprettier on Sienna but Allie gets in a Death Valley Driver. Rosemary mists Laurel and Allie hits Sienna with a Codebreaker. The Red Wedding (bad one) ends Laurel at 4:00.

Rating: D. No time to go anywhere here though at least Rosemary gets some momentum going into the pay per view. I don’t know why Allie/Braxton vs. KM/Laurel isn’t on the pay per view but we certainly have time for the battling announcers match. It’s not like the women would draw special money, but are the announcers going to either? Putting in the actual wrestlers instead of the “special” attractions might be an idea, though around here that doesn’t have the best luck of going anywhere.

Rosemary pats Allie on the head.

Park finds his inner monster and pulls out Janice.

We run down the pay per view card. There’s still nothing on there that gets me overly interested and that’s not good.

Video on Lashley vs. Alberto. This is a much longer version and shows the build to the match, including their first match where Alberto won the title.

Alberto El Patron/Eddie Edwards/James Storm/Mahabali Shera vs. Lashley/Davey Richards/Ethan Carter III/Kongo Kong

Before the match, the heels jump Shera and lay him out, making this a handicap match to start. Lashley gets caught in the wrong corner early on and Storm gets two off an elbow to the jaw. A side slam drops Eddie Edwards and it’s off to Carter, who gets the skin chopped off his chest a few seconds in.

El Patron comes in and catches Carter in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. That’s about it for the offense though and it’s Kong coming in for the fat man offense. The fast tags continue with Davey kneeing James in the face and quickly bringing Ethan back in. A Sling Blade (way too common of a move anymore) drops Carter for no cover and we take a break.

Back with Eddie in trouble and Davey grabbing a bodyscissors. It’s off to Kong who almost gives up the tag, only to have his partners pull Alberto and company off the apron in a smart move that always works. Eddie hurricanranas Davey and James at the same time and here’s Shera to take the hot tag. Lashley takes an AA and a slam plants Kong for two. Alberto tags himself in and takes out Lashley’s leg before hitting the top rope double stomp for the pin on Kong at 19:03.

Rating: B-. Totally by the book tag match here and that’s all it needed to be. Kong taking the fall was the right move and they even got Shera out there for the big save in a nice move. They’re still keeping Alberto and Lashley apart more often than not but they need to deliver in the main event. I’m sure it’s going to be good but it needs to be a bit more than that after all the build.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t the best from top to bottom but this show did a perfectly acceptable job of setting up the pay per view. Aside from the Tag Team Title match, everything got a little time and the show looks passable on paper. Again though, nothing really stands out and that battling announcers match has the potential to be an outright disaster.

That’s it for the India tapings and……they exist. Most of the time I forgot they were even in India as the shows didn’t really feel like anything different. The Sonjay Dutt title win was easily the best thing about them as it was an easy story that was done exactly as it was supposed to be. Other than that and the abundance of Shera, nothing on here really felt like anything you wouldn’t see at the Impact Zone. Much like a lot of the other stuff in Impact, they weren’t bad but they’re forgettable, which is often a lot worse.

Results

Sonjay Dutt/Matt Sydal b. Low Ki/Trevor Lee – Shooting star press to Lee

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis b. Mumbai Cats – Eli Drop to Cat #1

Swoggle b. Rockstar Spud – Samoan drop through a table

Allie/Rosemary/Braxton Sutter b. KM/Laurel Van Ness/Sienna – Red Wedding to Van Ness

Alberto El Patron/Eddie Edwards/Mahabali Shera/James Storm b. Ethan Carter III/Davey Richards/Lashley/Kongo Kong – Top rope double stomp to Kong

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 11, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back in the Impact Zone where the main event is over another promotion’s title. I know GFW and Impact have officially merged so it’s not as odd as it sounds but there’s something weird about the Global Force Wrestling World Title match main eventing Impact Wrestling. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Alberto El Patron beating Eli Drake to earn a shot at the GFW World Title tonight. Magnus is ready.

Opening sequence.

Andrew Everett vs. Caleb Konley vs. Dezmond Xavier vs. Matt Sydal

One fall to a finish. They start with the rapid fire near falls via sunset flips and rollups until Konley and Sydal put on stereo submissions. Neither of those go anywhere so Sydal drops a standing leg on Konley and gives Xavier a jawbreaker at the same time. Konley comes right back with a moonsault for two on Everett with Matt making a save. That’s enough of the wrestling so Everett and Xavier hit back to back dives onto everyone else. Back in and Konley hits a belly to back fisherman’s suplex (that’s a new one) for two on Sydal, only to have Everett grab the Frankendriver for the pin on Xavier at 6:24.

Rating: C. Starting the show with a match is the right call and I’m glad that they’re actually having Everett keep some of the pace instead of just having him lose and more on the next challenger. That’s how you build a division instead of just a champion and a challenger, which should help things a lot.

JB pesters Josh again.

Ethan Carter III promises that we’ll see the Cowboy tonight. I smell an impression.

KM orders a pizza and says his name is Billy. He takes the pizza from the delivery guy and starts eating but refuses to pay. The delivery guy says the bill says Billy but KM says that’s not his name. KM doesn’t like being called a liar and throws the guy out.

Here’s EC3 now dressed as a rather goofy cowboy. He talks about being a SOB from Boca Raton, Florida but sounds more like Waylon Mercy. Carter rode up on his steed Sebastian and sings a modified version of Friends in Low Places. Cue the real Storm for the beatdown but Carter takes off a boot and hits him in the head. Carter manages to handcuff him to the ropes and give him a whipping with a belt. Sounds like a strap match. The beating goes on for a good while with security taking their sweet time breaking it up.

JB annoys Josh again.

Hakim Zane/Idris Abraham vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

Zane wristlocks Kid to start but Laredo puts him on his shoulders for a missile dropkick from Garza. Things speed up with Idris running the ropes until he floors Garza (who has removed his red pants for some reason) with a hard shoulder. Idris’ charge is countered with a powerbomb onto his partner though Zane is sent to the floor. A 450 gives Laredo the pin at 3:26.

Rating: C-. Sloppy match but they kept things moving fast enough to make this work. Kid and Garza are fine for your run of the mill lucha team and there’s always going to be room for something like that. Abraham and Zane looked good too though and with another tournament coming up for the GFW Tag Team Titles (which can’t just stay vacant and then disappear), it’s nice to actually set something up.

D’Angelo Dinero wants to make Impact great.

Ava Storie vs. Laurel Van Ness

This company doesn’t have a great mental health policy does it? Van Ness is still in the wedding dress and gets two off an early spear. A kick to the face and a running curb stomp is enough for the pin on Storie at 1:36.

Spud still wants to hurt Swoggle.

Here’s LAX, some of whom are sporting white face paint, for a Decay funeral. Konnan wants to show their disrespect and tells the champs to pour the ashes on the mat. This company threw their best team at LAX and now you have a dead clown and a monster eating through a feeding tube. Now it’s time for LAX to win the GFW Tag Team Titles for the sake of Latino pride. A fan waves an American flag and refuses to sit down. Cue the Veterans of War for the save, which is the only logical way to go. A fireman’s carry flapjack into a cutter plants Ortiz and LAX runs. Good segment.

Grand Championship: Marshe Rockett vs. Moose

Moose is defending but Rockett jumps him to start and hits a Harlem side kick for no cover. A dropkick knocks Marshe off the top though and Rockett chills on the floor for the rest of the round. Moose wins the first round and wastes no time, finishing Rockett with the sitout chokeslam at 35 seconds of the second round.

Rating: D. As usual, I have no idea what the rounds are supposed to add here. Moose could just as easily have hit the says thing for a win in about four minutes and I don’t get how a brief break changes anything. Moose dominated most of the match and won clean so what’s the point of the gimmick with the rounds?

Post match Tyrus comes out for a distraction, allowing Eli Drake to come in with some chair shots to Moose. Chris Adonis runs in for the Adonis Lock and more chair shots from Drake leave Moose laying.

More JB and Josh.

Dutch Mantel announces the return of Ultimate X between Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and Low Ki for the title next week. This would feel like more of a surprise if the Ultimate X wasn’t above the ring.

Angelina Love vs. Alisha Edwards

Eddie Edwards is in his wife’s corner on crutches. Alisha charges at Love to start and we hear more about JB annoying Josh. Angelina’s comeback is cut off by a Futureshock but Davey Richards gets on the apron. That’s fine with Alisha who kicks the ropes between his legs, only to have Angelina hit Edwards in the back with a chain for the DQ at 2:32.

Eddie goes after Angelina but Davey crutches him in the knee.

Lashley will be watching the main event.

GFW World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Magnus

Alberto is challenging and seems to have the fans behind him. An early armbreaker across the top rope has Magnus reeling and a clothesline makes things even worse. Magnus grabs a suplex and kicks away a bit as the champ is playing the de facto heel here. The back and forth continues with Patron hitting a top rope right hand to the jaw and grabbing a chinlock.

They fight to the top and both guys are knocked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Alberto in control until he walks into a Falcon Arrow (not a sitout powerslam Josh) for two. Josh rants about Jim Ross tweeting him about how awesome he is and complains about JB some more as the guys head outside for nothing of note.

Back in and the Backstabber sets up the armbreaker on Magnus but the champ gets a rope. The Cloverleaf sends Patron to the rope as well and they head up top again. Alberto misses his top rope double stomp and hurts his knee. Magnus gets in a powerbomb but gets pulled down into the armbreaker for the submission at 18:23.

Rating: B. This felt like a main event match but the same problem persists: these two guys weren’t even in the company three months ago and they’re fighting over a title from a promotion that probably hasn’t even held thirty shows in the three years since it was founded (including all the co-promoted ones). Just drop the GFW stuff and let the Impact title be what matters.

That being said, this was quite the main event as they’ve really turned up the focus on the wrestling as of late. It’s not a classic or anything but I had a good time with it and the battle of the submission holds made it feel like a chess match. El Patron winning makes the most sense and should set up a rematch with Lashley at Slammiversary, which makes the most sense.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the best rating but they’re certainly moving in the right direction. The wrestling is getting better and the stories are getting tighter. That doesn’t mean the stories are great (or even good at times) but I’ll take a focused direction over random chaos almost any day. If they can knock off some of the nonsense (Josh vs. JB, Swoggle vs. Spud, the GFW stuff), they could be in a very good place in a hurry.

Results

Andrew Everett b. Caleb Konley, Dezmond Xavier and Matt Sydal – Frankendriver to Xavier

Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Hakim Zane – 450 splash to Abraham

Laurel Van Ness b. Ava Storie – Curb stomp

Moose b. Marshe Rockett – Sitout chokeslam

Alisha Edwards b. Angelina Love via DQ when Love used a chain

Alberto El Patron b. Magnus – Cross armbreaker

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 4, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re starting to get close to Slammiversary and that means we need to start lining up some title matches. There isn’t a lot announced for this week’s show as things are moving at a somewhat slow pace right now. Then again we have about two months before the next pay per view so they can take their time. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week. Thank goodness as I had to pull up last week’s review to remember anything about that show.

Opening sequence.

Dave Penzer is now doing ring announcing, which hopefully means the Swoggle vs. Spud is done.

Matt Sydal vs. Eddie Edwards

Josh says Sydal made his debut in the six sided ring last week, which means Josh doesn’t know his TNA history. Feeling out process to start with a technical sequence leading to a standoff. Sydal gets in a few kicks to the legs for the first advantage before countering a slam off the top with an ankle scissors. Now why didn’t Flair ever think of that? Eddie elbows his way out of a Muta Lock and grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb for two.

A sitout F5 sets up a spinwheel kick but Eddie can’t follow up. Matt hurricanranas him off the top for two but gets sent outside for the suicide dive. Back from a break with Sydal getting two off a powerbomb, only to get caught with a middle rope Codebreaker. As good as this has been, let’s pause for Josh to rant about JB a bit. Eddie slips out of a powerbomb but the Boston Knee Party is blocked with a jumping knee to the face. The shooting star press gives Matt the clean pin at 14:51.

Rating: B+. Where in the world did that come from? This was one of the best matches the company has put on in a long time and even Josh couldn’t make ruin it for me. Eddie losing clean aside, it’s cool to see a very good, long, clean match, especially opening a show. Good stuff here and Sydal looks like a star coming out of it.

They shake hands post match. Sydal leaves but here are Angelina Love and Davey Richards to beat Edwards down. Eddie gets laid out with a chair until Alisha dives off the stage to take Angelina down.

Magnus thinks he should be in the main event of Slammiversary but now he has to face Alberto El Patron. If that’s what he has to do then so be it, but here’s Matt Morgan to say he should get the shot. Bruce Prichard comes in and makes a GFW Title match for later tonight.

KM is exercising when a custodian comes in to clean. He sweeps up trash and leaves but KM throws a piece of paper on the floor and yells at the guy for missing it. KM does it again and the custodian says it wasn’t there ten seconds ago. That doesn’t sit well with KM, who doesn’t like being called a liar.

GFW Women’s Title: Sienna vs. Christina Von Eerie

Von Eerie is defending. Sienna grabs a suplex for two to start and Von Eerie is in trouble early on. Another suplex sets up a neck crank and Von Eerie is dumped outside in a big crash. Christina tries a Pedigree on the apron but gets backdropped back onto the floor as this has been completely one sided. Back in and a Pounce completes the squash to give us a new champion at 3:56. The announcers’ biggest concern: Sienna has no respect for the Jarretts.

Rating: D. Here’s the big problem with this whole GFW thing: what is GFW and why should the fans care? Unless you were watching for about four to six weeks worth of shows two years ago, it’s just a collection of belts from a promotion that ran a bunch of house shows and hasn’t been heard from since. I get that the hardcore fans are going to know what’s going on but catering to that audience when you’re drawing 300,000 fans a week and wanting to expand is a really bad idea.

As for the match itself, Von Eerie beat a jobber last week and that’s the grand total of her exposure here until she got squashed to lose her title. Get rid of these belts as soon as possible or just drop them already. It’s clear that Impact Wrestling isn’t going to bother to explain ANY of this so get rid of them as soon as possible.

Eli Drake tells Bruce Prichard he wants in on the title picture. Instead he gets Alberto El Patron later tonight, but it’s for a shot at the GFW Title.

ODB wants to make Impact great.

JB is behind Josh and mocks his over the top mannerisms. This is still your top story.

Karen Jarrett makes Alisha vs. Angelina Love for some point in the future. Sienna comes up to brag about being champion but Karen says the target is on Sienna’s back. I still have no idea why this is supposed to be interesting.

Ethan Carter III vs. John Bolen

Carter kicks him in the face to start and chokes on the ropes. A running knee to the back sends Bolen outside. Back in and the TK3 sets up the 1%er for the pin on Bolen at 2:33.

Carter puts the new bosses on notice.

Remember how JB had a sign earlier? He still does and Josh is getting annoyed.

GFW World Title: Magnus vs. Matt Morgan

Morgan is challenging and uses the size to take over early on. A big boot sends Magnus outside but he posts Morgan for a breather. Back in and the Carbon Footprint misses so Morgan bangs up a leg to give Magnus a target. A kick to the leg sets up the Figure Four with Morgan making the ropes without too much effort.

Morgan pops up for his revolving elbows in the corner, followed by a side slam. A chokeslam gets two on the champ and the Carbon Footprint puts him on the floor. Morgan’s knee gives out so Magnus can grab the title. The distraction lets Magnus get in a low blow, followed by a Michinoku Driver and the top rope elbow to retain at 9:20.

Rating: C. Technically fine, though I’m not sure if that was a heel turn from Magnus. That right there is the big problem: these guys have had maybe a match each since returning and we really don’t know anything about them. Yeah they were here before but what are they now? They helped JB in his match so I guess they’re faces but there’s no real way to know for sure, especially given how they’re fighting over a title that just appeared with Magnus. Decent match but the booking continues to be a problem.

Lashley doesn’t care about the GFW Title because that’s the title people can win.

More JB sign stuff.

LAX wants to hurt more people.

James Storm wants to make Impact great.

Spud, in a neck brace and with his leg in a cast, stares at a picture of Swoggle. So yes this is still going. So now we have a ring announcer feud to go with the commentator feud.

Kongo Kong vs. William Weeks

Kong throws him into the corner to start and stands on Weeks’ chest. Three straight chokeslams into backbreakers (at Laurel Van Ness’ orders) set up a Cannonball and a top rope splash to put Weeks away at 2:47.

Post match Braxton Sutter comes out to go after Kong. Some right hands and a clothesline put the monster on the floor so Sutter and Allie can stand tall.

Eli Drake wants to make Impact great.

We look back at Sonjay Dutt getting hurt in the X-Division Title match two weeks ago. Dutt isn’t sure if he should have come back. If they don’t give him the title at Slammiversary, I have no idea what they’re thinking. It’s not the most interesting story but they’ve set it up.

Eli Drake vs. Alberto El Patron

The winner gets a shot at Magnus at some point in the future. Drake runs away but gets pulled back to ringside, where the referee ejects Tyrus. Eli is fine enough to suplex him on the ramp but Alberto shakes it off and hits a suicide dive. Back from a break with Drake suplexing him onto the apron and choking on the floor.

Drake’s chinlock doesn’t work but Alberto misses a charge and both people are down. Drake gets back up and grabs a torture rack neckbreaker for a close two, only to have Alberto nail a low superkick for the same. The cross armbreaker is countered into a twisting throw for another near fall as this is far more competitive than I was expecting.

Drake can’t get a superplex and of course he winds up in the Tree of Woe. For once someone is actually smart enough to sit up and pull El Patron down. A springboard moonsault gives Drake two but he gets caught in the cross armbreaker. That’s countered as well but Drake gets caught in the ropes, setting up the double stomp (from the mat instead of the stomp) to give Alberto the pin at 17:56.

Rating: B-. Good match here as Drake’s in-ring abilities are starting to match his incredible talking skills. The same problem still remains though: they’re fighting over titles that have no meaning to the Impact Wrestling fans, which becomes a problem. The story would be exactly the same if they were all just fighting for a shot at Lashley. Just say Magnus is in this spot because he’s a former World Champion and thinks he’s entitled. It’s the same story advancement and the same ending. Why is that so complicated?

Overall Rating: C+. This is a REALLY tricky one to grade as the opener and main events were both very good but everything in the middle was just there for the most part. The booking continues to cater to the fans who are already here and the stupid battling announcers are now being joined by a former wrestler/manservant vs. a former leprechaun who is the illegitimate son of the owner the biggest wrestling company in the world. You need a lot more than that to make a company work and Impact really doesn’t seem to get that.

Results

Matt Sydal b. Eddie Edwards – Shooting star press

Sienna b. Christina Von Eerie – Pounce
Ethan Carter III b. John Bolen – 1%er

Magnus b. Matt Morgan – Top rope elbow

Kongo Kong b. William Weeks – Top rope splash

Alberto El Patron b. Eli Drake – Double stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 6, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

We’re past Wrestlemania so it’s time for the real Orlando wrestlers to take their city back. Last week’s show focused on a wide variety of stories, which helped set up a lot of this week’s material. Tonight we have a gauntlet match for the #1 contendership to the Knockouts Title plus a last man standing match between Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Eli Drake vs. Caleb Konley

This starts immediately after the opening sequence with no entrances. Drake sends him outside for a cheap shot from Tyrus, followed by some right hands from Eli back inside. A neckbreaker out of the corner gives Eli two but Caleb comes right back with a rolling palm strike. That actually sends Drake outside for a suicide dive, followed by a high crossbody for no cover. Caleb goes up but Tyrus offers a distraction, allowing Drake to hit White Noise for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: D+. I’m very glad Drake has a better finisher as no one was going to buy a knee lift and clothesline for someone who is supposed to be climbing the card. Drake seems to be just a few months away from rocketing towards the main event (or at least he should be) and changing finishers was the right call. Not the worst match here and it’s a rare instance of just a match to put someone over.

Josh and JB bicker AGAIN, this time focusing on Josh calling JB ugly. Bruce Prichard comes down and demands that Josh and JB get in the ring. Josh: “I’m sorry I said I wished you were dead!” Bruce says everyone is sick of hearing from these guys so he’s got a solution. They’re both going to pick a team and we’ll see who knows the most. I hope that means the loser is off commentary.

Gauntlet Match

This is basically a Royal Rumble with the final two having a regular match where the winner gets a future title shot. Ava Storie is in at #1 and Madison Rayne is in at #2, complete with the Killer Queen song. That goes nowhere so after the first one minute interval, Rebel is in at #3. Storie runs them both over with a double clothesline and Amanda Rodriguez is in at #4.

The two newcomers slug it out with no one even attempting an elimination. M.J. Jenkins is in at #5 as the announcers just act like we should know who all these new people are. Diamante from LAX is in at #6 and Rodriguez is the first one eliminated. ODB is in at #7 and sends the other five into the corner for a huge splash.

Storie is put out after a pretty solid performance and Brandi Rhodes completes the field at #8. Brandi gets rid of Diamante and Jenkins eliminates Rebel. ODB and Brandi double team Jenkins out but Madison tosses Brandi a second later. That leaves ODB vs. Rayne for the title shot and it’s now pin or submission. Not that it lasts long or anything though as ODB hits a quick Bam for the win at 9:21.

Rating: F. Yeah this was horrible and there’s no way around it. I have no idea who half the wrestlers in this match were and commentary would rather talk about Josh being married to Madison than tell us ANYTHING about these people. To be fair though, TNA fans have proven that they’ll watch anything this company presents so they might as well fill the shows with cheap talent.

Here’s James Storm for a chat. During his entrance, Josh says he won a coin toss to determine who gets to make the first pick. So wait: do they get to pick anyone they want or do the people have to agree? Earlier tonight it was implied that the announcers have to pick the teams with JB saying Josh didn’t have enough friends to fill a lineup. Anyway, Storm says the Cowboy is back and it’s time for him to become World Champion again.

Cue Bram and Kingston to rant about Storm lying to them about the DCC. Storm says he picked the music and bought the suits while Kingston was the one begging for a job. Kingston spits in Storm’s face and takes a Last Call. Bram loads up a chair shot but gets stared down. Another Last Call sends the chair into Bram’s face and Storm hits the catchphrase.

Andrew Everett thinks he’s earned an X-Division Title match. Gregory Helms and Trevor Lee come up to say Everett can have a shot if he wins his triple threat tonight.

Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Suicide

Everett kicks Rockett to the floor as the announcers KEEP GOING about their upcoming tag match before switching over to fantasy baseball. This is the kind of stuff you expect from One Night Only shows. Suicide knocks Andrew to the floor and follows with the falling dive. Back in and Rockett stomps on Everett before powerslamming him out of the air.

Everett sends both of them to the floor again and follows with a corkscrew dive. Suicide grabs something like a Black Widow on Everett as the announcers argue over whether Al Snow should have Pope’s job. A kick sends Suicide to the floor and Everett hits a shooting star for the pin on Rockett at 6:24.

Rating: C. I like the fact that they’re actually building someone up as a challenger for a title match down the line and for once there’s an actual story in this division. I have no confidence in them to follow up on all this stuff but at least we’ve got something brewing for now, which is more than they’ve done in a long time.

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards

Last Man Standing and Eddie jumps Davey in the aisle. Eddie knocks him into the barricade and follows with two suicide dives as they quickly head into the crowd. Davey gets crotched on a barricade but ducks a dive, sending Eddie crashing into a garbage can for a good looking spot. Richards gets in a few kicks, stops to kiss Angelina Love, and grabs a chair.

Angelina throws in two more chairs with Davey setting the two of them up in the middle. Josh’s response: “I have my third member!” Eddie uses another kiss distraction to powerbomb Davey through the chairs for a six count. Not that it matters as Eddie grabs even more chairs (bringing the total up to at least six) and pelts one at Davey’s head. Eddie piles the chairs up but Angelina grabs the foot, allowing Davey to superplex Edwards onto the pile. We see Eddie’s wife Alisha Edwards in the front row for some trash talk with Angelina.

Back from a break with Davey hitting Eddie in the head with a chain wrapped fist but Alisha’s cheers bring Eddie back to his feet. Rapid fire chops have Davey in trouble and a belly to belly into the corner makes things even worse. A baseball slide sends a chair into Davey’s face and Eddie wraps a chair around Davey’s neck.

The top rope double stomp somehow doesn’t kill Davey so the women get into it, resulting in a chair taking Alisha down. Eddie gets chaired as well so Davey wraps a chain around his foot but stops with second thoughts. Angelina tells him to do it for her and Creeping Death with the chain ends Eddie at 22:43.

Rating: B+. This got the time that it needed and the violence was more than enough to make it work. These two beat the heck out of each other and made it look like they wanted to kill each other. Now the problem is they need to let the feud end here instead of just continuing it for the sake of continuing it, which gets old in a hurry.

We get a video on Veterans of War involving Operation Iraqi Freedom. I believe one of them was Gunner, who is a former member of the military.

JB wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

LAX celebrates their title win.

We look at James Storm updating his theme music in a studio.

Alberto El Patron vs. Jon Bolen

A few kicks have Bolen in trouble but he grabs a powerslam. That’s about it for his offense though as Alberto sends him into the corner for the top rope double stomp and the pin at 1:18.

Post match Alberto calls out Lashley.

Allie/Braxton Sutter and KM/Sienna are getting into it again when Karen Jarrett comes in to break it up. They’ll have a mixed tag next week.

Fury is unleashed next week and has something to do with Sutter and Allie.

Bruce Prichard is out to moderate the picking of the teams, which really is how they’re closing the show. Josh goes first and picks Lashley while JB picks Alberto El Patron. Next up we have Bram for Josh and JB picks Chris Adonis (Masters). There’s nothing in between these picks save for a little arguing here and there. Josh goes with Eli Drake and Tyrus helps Josh’s team beat down the good guys. Matt Morgan comes out for the save and gets in a staredown with Lashley as someone else gets out of a limo. We’re out of time though so go to Impact’s website to find out who the last team member is (it’s Magnus).

Overall Rating: D+. This is a show where one thing really does bring the whole thing down. We had a great gimmick match and some stuff involving the World Title but what closes the show? Bickering announcers. Can you imagine if Cole vs. Lawler closed a show instead of something involving John Cena?

This show also gave a great illustration of the problem with announcers as major characters: it was the main thing we heard about all night long. The stuff in the ring got almost no focus because we had to hear about how great Josh was and how JB didn’t want to hear about it. I’m going to assume Josh winds up being some big heel manager (which wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world) but DANG this story is ruining some good stuff on the show. Big step down from last week here and it’s almost all because of one story.

Results

Eli Drake b. Caleb Konley – White Noise

ODB won a gauntlet match last eliminating Madison Rayne

Andrew Everett b. Marshe Rockett and Suicide – Shooting star press to Rockett

Davey Richards b. Eddie Edwards – Creeping Death with a chain around the boot

Alberto El Patron b. Jon Bolen – Top rope double stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 9, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s a major, major show this week as TNA completely relaunches (again), this time with Jeff Jarrett back at the helm for the first time in a long time. That means almost everything changes and it’s really hard to tell what’s coming. Lashley is still World Champion and it’s going to be interesting to see what else is still around. Let’s get to it.

We open with a package of the company’s history, including stuff all the way back from the weekly PPV days. Nearly everything gets a look and it’s actually quite the history package. Unfortunately it’s also a good example of how much potential TNA has had, only to squander so much of it.

There’s also a new opening sequence, featuring a closeup of an owl. Anthem, I know you put in some serious money but no one cares about the parent company.

Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards (in street clothes) are brawling in the crowd to start and agents have some issues breaking it up.

Josh Matthews isn’t happy with a third headset at the booth. Matthews: “THIS ISN’T SMACKDOWN!” Jeremy Borash comes out to join commentary and Josh goes into full on heel mode as he tries to throw Jeremy out. Borash talks about how we need a change so he’s here to join the lineup. He goes on about Mike Tenay handing him the torch (Matthews throws his feet on the desk and looks annoyed) and then three years ago, someone was fired from WWE.

People here looked at him (Matthews) and said THIS is what a commentator looks like. Matthews talks about broadcasting Wrestlemania from the Georgia Dome but Borash thinks the lead play by play announcer should be someone who respect wrestling. This is going on WAY too long and it’s not a good sign when the second segment is battling announcers.

Cody and Brandi Rhodes interrupt the fight with Cody holding the GFW Nex-Gen Title. We get a poll about seeing Cody vs. Moose tonight and the fans seem interested but no announcement is made.

Here’s the DCC as JB says Cody knows Moose is in Japan, triggering an argument with Matthews.

DCC vs. Reno Scum

Scum are Luster and Adam who come to the ring with their Future Stars of Wrestling Tag Team Titles (not on the line here). It’s Bram and Kingston starting things off as the announcers bicker some more, this time over who is responsible for the new referee’s shirts. Oh but now let’s stop to admire Josh’s suit, as in taking the camera off of the ring.

The match has been going on for about two minutes now and we might have spent ten seconds talking about the action. Luster catches a diving Bram in a spinebuster and a top rope double stomp gives Adam the pin at 2:26. I have no idea who Reno Scum are but I do know about Josh’s fashion sense and that’s what matters the most.

We recap the wedding and Laurel Van Ness’ breakdown as a result.

Sienna yells at the new interviewer and says Maria has suffered a nervous breakdown from the wedding and is gone. Sienna is coming for Maria.

Braxton Sutter vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Caleb Konley vs. DJZ

Only Sutter gets an entrance and it takes about a minute of action to actually name everyone. DJZ hits a big dive, leaving Rockett to powerbomb Sutter into the corner. Marshe goes up but dives into a triple dropkick, leaving everyone else to hit random spots. Konley throws DJZ to the floor for a dive before Saito suplexing Sutter. Now it’s Rockett cleaning house until Allie dives off the middle rope to crossbody him to the floor. That’s rather heelish and it allows Sutter to hit a fisherman’s neckbreaker to put DJZ away at 4:23.

Rating: D+. Same X-Division as always here with no psychology, no flow to the match, no reason to care about most of these people and not even a graphic to say who they are. I know who they are but I’m one of the people who stuck with this promotion. This is your big relaunch. Let us know who these people are and why I should care about them instead of bickering announcers.

Post match, Van Ness stumbles out, still wearing her wedding dress and holding the champagne bottles (How are those not empty?).

Sienna vs. Rachel Ellering

Ellering is Paul Ellering’s daughter and used to be a low level talent in NXT. Rachel forearms Sienna down to start as Josh is now threatening to beat JB Up in between his sitcom plugs. Pope: “For goodness sake.” JB gives Rachel’s background and Josh asks “who gives a Schitt’s Creek?”. A trip to the floor doesn’t go anywhere so Sienna forearms her down for two. Rachel gets two off a springboard spinning legdrop and Josh goes on ANOTHER rant about how great he is and insulting JB and Mike Tenay. Josh: “NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE NAMES OF THE MOVES!” Sienna wins with the Silencer at 4:16.

Rating: D. The commentary is already bringing these matches down and that’s not a good thing forty five minutes into the new era. I know I’ve been harping on it all night but that’s the biggest story of the show. Matthews is like the annoying Michael Cole on steroids and there’s no chance for anyone to even talk about the match because Josh is too busy getting this stupid character over. Turn him into a manager or something but stop having him in every match. The wrestling was nothing special as Sienna is only a slightly above average power wrestler and Ellering isn’t much better.

Here’s Bruce Prichard (formerly known as Brother Love) for a chat. Josh: “THIS IS WORSE THAN JB! WHO DUG THIS GUY UP???” He doesn’t remember Impact Wrestling being this way because he remembers people wanting to be great. They were almost there but for whatever reason, it didn’t all happen. This is not a rib but TNA is DEAD.

There are new owners and management, which means we have a new name: Impact Wrestling. These new owners are looking for people who have achieved greatness in the past, like Prichard himself. He was around when names like Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and John Cena got their start so he knows greatness. Now he brings out Lashley, who talks about beating everyone put in front of him.

Cue Alberto El Patron, who the announcers put over as a big deal. Unfortunately the crowd doesn’t put him over as that big of a deal, though the SI chant is pretty loud. Alberto calls him a perro but here’s Ethan Carter III to cut him off. Carter wants a shot but Del Rio is given a title shot instead as Prichard can just make decisions like that.

JB gets a news break from backstage and apparently a legend, who has never been on the show before, is backstage.

Eddie Edwards is tired of Davey Richards being like this when Angelina Love comes in to say that Eddie forgot about Davey. She married a real man and slaps Eddie. Edwards chuckles and asks why the real man’s wife hits harder than he does.

Josh talks about how no one checked on him when he was injured and that’s about it until Cody comes out again to ask about Moose. JB explains that Moose is in Japan so Cody throws the Nex-Gen Title in the ring and says he’s waiting. Cody gets in the ring but jumps right back out and goes into the crowd. Josh wants to know where Moose is and ignores the Japan stuff.

The new ad campaign is Make Impact Great, with Lashley saying we need to rise together. Ok then.

Here’s Dutch Mantell on his scooter in full Zeb Colter attire. Dutch: “My name is Ze….can’t say that!” He was Zeb Colter in an alternate universe and he’s been in wrestling for over forty years. Colter has been all over the world and wrestling too him there. He’s in love with professional wrestling and he doesn’t know what he would do without it. TNA has been taken over by Impact Wrestling and now he’s going to try to make it great (not great again mind you).

Mantell was here eight years ago and saw names like AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode, Sting, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash and Booker T. but they all slowly drifted away. Dutch talked to all these guys and they left because of a lack of leadership and vision. Then the fans left (he calls them paying customers, which is kind of a stretch) and the new owners knew the people had to come back. Mantell isn’t an authority figure or a boss but rather someone giving advice. The people are his boss and he’s wrapping it up by asking everyone to put their hand over their hearts and pledge to make Impact great (the old WE THE PEOPLE thing).

And now, the Hardys wrestle/box a kangaroo. The rest of the show being more serious really does show how stupid a lot of this seems. After Jeff escapes a headlock, it’s time for an Expedition of Gold. They disappear….and we cut to Decay who now have the titles. Steve says the Hardys are now deleted, which suggests that they beat them off camera. It’s not as good as just filming a quick title change but this is WAY better than stripping the Hardys of the belts and crowning new champions. WAY better.

JB announces Slammiversary on July 2, sending Josh into a rant about how Borash making the announcement will cut down the PPV sales.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Lashley

Lashley is defending. Josh asks Pope if El Patron is going to be thrown off by the six sided ring but thankfully JB is there to say the six sided ring was invented in Mexico, meaning El Patron has a ton of experience. Pope gets in a good response by saying all the experience in the world doesn’t matter when you’re facing someone like Lashley. Nice little exchange there but it might be due to how horrible commentary has been all night.

Lashley takes him down in the corner to start and chokes with the boot before they head outside. Patron’s few strikes don’t work as Lashley knocks him outside again. A suplex gets two but it’s too early for the spear as Alberto dropkicks him down. The cross armbreaker over the ropes has Lashley in trouble and here Ethan Carter III to watch. Back from a break with Alberto making his comeback, only to have the ref get bumped.

Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker as a second referee comes in. Lashley powerbombs his way out of the hold (Pope: “HAYSTACKS CALHOUN WHAT A SLAM!”) and gets two off a spinebuster. The second referee is bumped and Lashley hits a second spinebuster. Lashley goes to get the belt but Alberto knocks it into the champ’s face for the pin and the title at 17:41.

Rating: D+. This was basically the WWE main event style and I’m really not wild about seeing that over and over again. It’s not a bad match or anything but having someone show up and win the title the night of their debut isn’t the best idea in the world, especially when it’s someone as uninteresting as Patron. At least the match was watchable though and Patron seems to be a face, which is the more interesting version.

The referees huddle and Lashley is livid as El Patron leaves to end the show. There’s a good chance that’s getting overturned.

Overall Rating: D. Well that was…..that was certainly something. This show was a mess and I think I’m being nice when I say that’s all it was. The wrestling ranged from feeling rushed to bad to overbooked, which is partially due to how much new stuff was thrown at us. There were several new names introduced and it seemed like we were just supposed to know who they were. Most of them weren’t anything special and the big name was someone most fans will be familiar with but a little more time introducing them would have been nice.

That brings us to the big problem I’ve harped on all night: Josh freaking Matthews. Now first of all: THANK GOODNESS they brought JB in and didn’t have this be a two man booth as that would have been nothing short of a disaster. However, Matthews completely took over the show and made it very hard to focus on anything else. Those kind of commentators rarely work and it’s a shame that he seems to just be a Michael Cole knockoff after Cole was so irritating in his heel run. Watch some Paul Heyman or Jerry Lawler and see how to do this properly or don’t do it at all.

Overall, it felt like they were moving too fast and it became a problem. They tried to squeeze in WAY too much in one night and that’s going to catch up with you in a hurry. This isn’t something you can nail in one night so it’s going to take a few weeks to really see if something works. I’ve already lost a lot of my optimism but the best thing on the show: it FLEW by instead of the old TNA shows which felt like they lasted about fourteen hours each. Not a good show here but there’s time to iron out a lot of the kinks.

Results

Reno Scum b. DCC – Top rope double stomp to Bram

Braxton Sutter b. DJZ, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley – Fisherman’s neckbreaker to DJZ

Sienna b. Rachel Ellering – Silencer

Alberto El Patron b. Lashley – Belt to the head

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/27/kbs-reviews-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 16, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

The big story coming out of last week is the full on split of the Wolves as Davey Richards cost Eddie Edwards his last shot at the TNA World Title. While you can probably guess the reason behind the split, it should be interesting to hear the actual explanation. Other than that we also have the saga of Braxton Sutter and company which seems to be setting up a wedding. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Expedition of Gold, which will take the Hardys to Tijuana, Mexico this week.

Video on Davey turning on Eddie.

Moose/Brandi Rhodes vs. Crazzy Steve/Rosemary

I know I say it every time she’s out but Brandi is a very beautiful woman. Moose is wrestling in a shirt for some reason here. The guys get things going with Steve bouncing off Moose multiple times. Rosemary offers a distraction so Steve can take over, which must last for a good fifteen seconds. Abyss’ interference does a bit better and everything breaks down with Decay taking over.

Moose will have none of that and LAUNCHES Steve onto Abyss at ringside. Rosemary jumps onto Moose’s back and it’s time for Brandi’s still awkward chops (yeah they’re still awkward but she’s only had a few months of ring time and she’s clearly trying as hard as she can). A middle rope missile dropkick puts Rosemary down as Pope still tries to get Mini-Moose over as a nickname. The matching pump punches have Decay in trouble and stereo Game Changers are enough for the double pin at 5:43.

Rating: C-. For someone who hasn’t even been in the ring for a year, Brandi already looks more comfortable than a lot of the Diva era wrestlers. Like, she’s already miles better than Torrie Wilson or the Kat or anyone like that, which may not sound like much but it suggests that she has a bright future if she wants to stay in the ring. I’m sure we’ll get to the “where’s Cody” stuff later on and that’s where we get the feud out of this.

Eddie Edwards isn’t here to talk because he wants to hurt Davey.

Moose tells Brandi he’s there for her whenever she needs. There was no hint of anything romantic in the way he said it.

We look back at the end of last week’s show.

Eddie calls out Davey but he gets Angelina Love instead, saying there’s no Davey until she says so. Basically Eddie abandoned Davey while he was recovering from knee surgery and forgot about his “brother”. Love says Eddie can have Davey now and introduces the American Wolf (new nickname) but Eddie cuts her off and says to let go of her husband’s balls.

Davey grabs the mic and goes on a rant about how he created the team and the Wolves’ Nation. Richards offers him a chance to leave but Eddie goes straight up the aisle to start the brawl. Security breaks it up so Eddie says this isn’t over as Davey tries to crawl in the ring. We get a challenge for a street fight later tonight and Davey seems more than game.

Ok….that was great. I was really, REALLY worried about this feud when I first heard about it because their ROH feud was such a disaster but this already fixed the major problem of the ROH version: there’s a reason for them to hate each other. The previous one was a bunch of “I respect you but I want Dan Severn to train me because this is suddenly an MMA promotion” and I have no idea why that’s supposed to entertain me. This felt like two guys who wanted to kill each other and they got to the point immediately. I can easily go for something like that.

Mike Bennett has a bachelor party for Braxton Sutter, who is miserable. It’s basically a frat party with people all around thirty years old and Sutter wants to leave.

It’s off to Tijuana where the Hardys are challenging for the Mexican Tag Team Championships of the World. Matt and Jeff demand to speak to the promoter and yell in Spanish at a luchador who speaks English. Konnan, the promotion’s owner, wants to make money off their appearance.

Now we have Laurel Van Ness’ bachelorette party with Allie having st up a very sweet room with streamers, balloons and confetti everywhere. Maria yells at her for making it look like a children’s party. Allie is devastated when she hears about how it’s for Laurel and Braxton’s wedding.

Kingston vs. Jesse Godderz

Kingston chops away to start and shrugs off a dropkick by raking the eyes. We hit the choking on the middle rope before Jesse makes his comeback with clotheslines and a Blockbuster for two. An STO puts Jesse down for the same but he nails a quick enziguri. Godderz hits a springboard….I guess we’ll say forearm for the pin at 4:11.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here and again I don’t get the idea of having the DCC losing so often. This was a completely clean pinfall loss to Jesse Godderz of all people and that’s a really bad sign. I can’t even think of a signature win for them at this point and that’s horrible after they debuted so strong.

The DCC comes out post match but Jesse is smart enough to bail.

The bachelor party continues to be horrible with an overweight man crushing the drug dealer.

Allie tries to liven the party up with noisemakers but Maria yells at her again. Sienna just wants to drink.

Tyrus has taken over Fact of Life and brings out someone who was never his friend: Eli Drake, whose arm is in a sling. Drake can’t sit at the desk so the sling comes off in a hurry. Eli yells at Tyrus for making decisions that he didn’t approve of and not watching his back like Tyrus is supposed to do. No one owns Tyrus and a match is made for next week.

Back in Tijuana (this show has more scene cuts than a Total Divas episode), Konnan says he can’t pay the Hardys but his messenger says they don’t want money. The Hardys come in to see Konnan and agree to wrestle for the titles for no pay. Matt: “Money is for marks.” The Hardys leave and Konnan tells the staff to start making and selling as much bootleg Hardy merchandise as they can.

Maria yells at Allie for the amount of pink at the party. Allie can be a ring bearer next week and gets frosting thrown in her face. The ladies take the gifts (including lingerie) and leave.

We get the match from Tijuana with the Hardys challenging Super Crazy and Psicosis for the Crash Tag Team Titles. While the match is going on, the promotion’s women hit on Vanguard I because the women of this promotion aren’t all that smart. We only see clips of the match with the Hardys hitting all their signature stuff to win with a Swanton to Crazy. Of note: the referee was blurred out because he works for Lucha Underground, who threatened legal action against TNA if they showed one of their contracted workers.

After the match, the Hardys teleport back to North Carolina before Konnan and company can stop them. Konnan: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DISAPPEARED???” Back in North Carolina, the Hardys literally throw the belts into a bag and go off to win the Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Titles next week. Hint: you might not want to show us the celebration after winning the belts.

Video on Brooke returning to TNA and being targeted by the Lady Squad.

Sienna vs. Brooke

Maria offers an early distraction to start and Sienna takes over with forearms and a spinebuster. Brooke gets in some forearms of her own as Madison Rayne explains why Maria is the most amazing Knockout ever. Another Maria distraction lets Sienna get in a running clothesline as Josh talks about how you can get a Louisville Slugger baseball bat signed by Jeff Hardy. Maria chokes on the rope and offers a distraction so Sienna can choke as well. As Maria talks about how the Knockouts show their midsections, Brooke fights off the double teaming and rolls Sienna up for the pin at 5:55.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was fine but WOW Madison Rayne is one of the most annoying commentators I’ve ever heard. She doesn’t really have a character and isn’t a heel or a face but rather just a woman talking a lot. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to add anything to the match but I’m sure it’s completely necessary.

One of Bennett’s friends wants to put in an adult DVD but Bennett says it’s time for something special. That would be a stripper who sounds like she’s smoked five packs a day. Bennett slams the door in her face and asks where the DVD went.

Eli Drake commandeers a camera and promises to give Tyrus a beating next week. As usual, this is one of the best things on the show.

Here’s Lashley for a chat. Lashley says it doesn’t matter if it’s wrestling or MMA because no one can hang with him. This brings out UFC fighter (currently facing a potential suspension for steroids) and professional wrestler Josh Barnett to give him a lecture about respecting the title. Lashley says this is his ring but has to escape an armbar. A challenge is issued but Barnett wants the title on the line. Bobby says he’ll fight anywhere anytime and the challenge is accepted for some point in the future. I get the idea they’re going for here but Barnett was really, really awkward on the mic.

Everyone has passed out at the bachelor party but Braxton is sitting there twirling his thumbs. He slowly gets up and puts the stripper on Mike’s lap for a quick picture. He then calls Maria and leaves the phone on the two of them before leaving.

Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards

Street fight with a full hour and a half of build. Angelina does Davey’s entrance, allowing him to jump Eddie from behind. There are weapons ready at ringside and Davey keeps beating him down as we take an early break. Back with Davey crushing Eddie’s hand with a chair but Edwards fights back anyway. Eddie and Angelina both have chairs but the distraction lets Davey swing a chair into Eddie’s for a knockdown.

Cue Eddie’s wife Alisha…who gets dropped with a single forearm. Angelina handcuffs her to the ropes but Eddie covers her up and takes the chair shots for her. Davey unloads on him with the chair while Angelina makes Alisha watch. There’s no referee as Eddie gets a Conchairto so Angelina counts the pin for a no contest at around 13:30.

Rating: B-. This was a good brawl while it lasted and I’m VERY glad they didn’t have a definitive winner. The ending was the important part and will keep this going for a long time as the women add another dynamic to the whole thing. I had a lot more fun with this than I was expecting and that’s the best possible outcome.

A promo for next week’s Expedition of Gold wraps us up.

Overall Rating: C. That might be the oddest episode of Impact I’ve ever seen. There wasn’t a big focus on wrestling here but rather a lot of vignettes from the two parties, plus all the Mexico stuff. Outside of the main event, the wrestling we did see ranged from mostly boring to forgettable, but Davey vs. Eddie looks like it has serious potential.

Above all else, I appreciated the idea of TNA trying to do something. The wedding story could be good (assuming Sutter gets to win some matches later on) and Lashley FINALLY has some fresh blood, even if Barnett is hardly a household name and his promo was just a step above a disaster. They’re doing something though and that’s what matters more than anything after a long stretch of very dull and boring shows. This kept my attention, but I need more stuff actually between the bells rather than all the stuff setting up future matches and stories. Still though, it’s a step up.

Results

Brandi/Moose b. Crazzy Steve/Rosemary – Double Game Changers

Jesse Godderz b. Kingston – STO

Brooke b. Sienna – Rollup

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 9, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

I have come here to watch wrestling and open briefcases and TNA is all out of briefcases. So we’re past Open Fight Night and now it’s time to move on to some fresh material. It’s hard to say what that might mean as we’re still waiting on the next taping cycle with the new creative direction to start up. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Hardy Family arriving. After Matt asks Maxel why he’s eating carbohydrates instead of protein (Jeff: “He is undefeated.”), it is announced that the Seven Deities will reveal all tonight.

Recap of the four briefcase matches from last week.

Here’s the DCC with something to say. James Storm talks about how they always keep their promises and lists off some names they’ve taken out. Cue Eli Drake and Tyrus to call them out with Tyrus asking if Kingston is his Mini Me. The fight is on with all five heading to the floor and we go to a break.

DCC vs. Tyrus/Eli Drake

Joined in progress with Tyrus in control before handing it off to Drake, who gets caught in the wrong corner. That doesn’t last long either though as Bram can’t keep the advantage, allowing Drake and Tyrus to take turns working him over. Drake ducks the Last Call and brings Tyrus back in, only to walk away on the big man. Storm mocks the Brodus Clay dance and the trio takes Tyrus down, finishing him with the Last Call at 6:23.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to see here but at least the DCC won. I’m worried about their future as they’ve hit a firm wall and TNA is hardly the kind of company that helps push someone like them along. They just barely beat Tyrus and that should be one of the biggest layups around.

Clip of Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards in a cage. Their final showdown is tonight.

Brandi Rhodes is going to call out Rosemary.

Braxton Sutter and Allie run into each other in the back. Maria comes in and yells at Allie for wasting time and sends her away. We hear about some wedding plans and Braxton has an hour to propose to Laurel Van Ness.

Here’s Brandi for a chat. She gets right to the point and calls Rosemary out, which isn’t exactly the biggest surprise. Cue Decay and Rosemary with the latter saying Brandi could have been amazing with them but she made the wrong decision. Brandi is quickly choked down but Moose of all people makes the save.

Aron Rex doesn’t think much of Robbie E. because violence isn’t the answer. Rex will make an exception tonight though.

Brandi and Moose want a mixed tag next week.

Aron Rex vs. Robbie E.

Before the match, Aron fails to get the audience to sing his name. Rex slaps him in the face to start and of course hides on the apron as a result. Back in and Robbie throws some right hands, which seem to tick Rex off. Robbie is thrown outside so Spud can choke with his coat. That fires Robbie up and Spud is pulled inside, allowing the loaded punch to knock Robbie cold for the pin at 4:54.

Rating: D. Rex is the definition of beating you over the head with a character but it’s already a major improvement over Aron as just a guy in trunks. This wasn’t exactly high concept stuff though and that makes for a dull match. I’m not sure who Rex faces next though but at least this is better than what we had.

The Hardys are ready for an announcement.

Clip of Edwards winning the World Title.

The Wolves and their wives (Angelina Love and Alisha) are ready.

Mike Bennett gloats over the idea of Sutter marrying Laurel because it’s going to make them family. Sutter leaves to do anything else.

Here are the Hardys for a chat. Matt talks about having a pre-mo-nition of the Expedition of Gold. That’s why Vanguard 1 can now teleport them around the world to win Tag Team Titles wherever they want. Matt teases going to Ring of Honor (which he actually says) and WWE (stop) to win all the gold they can find. It’s time to go so they touch the drone and disappear. We cut to….Tijuana, Mexico for the first attempt at winning new titles.

Grand Championship: Mahabali Shera vs. Drew Galloway

Drew is defending. An early Futureshock is broken up and Drew bails to the corner. That means a lot of stalling before Galloway slips out of what looked like a fireman’s carry and goes after the leg. Some chops on the floor wrap up the round but Shera hits the Sky High just a second after the bell. Shera wins Round One but charges into a boot to the face to start Round Two. Drew chops the skin off Shera’s chest, followed by the Claymore and the Futureshock to retain at 6:13.

Rating: D+. The match was fine enough but, as I say every week because it’s still true: there’s no point to the round system because it doesn’t add a thing. It’s little more than a way to extend the matches and make them feel different without really needing to in the slightest. Galloway is a great talent but he needs something less convoluted to really make this work. It’s not a good sign when you could cut the gimmick out and have the same matches but that’s what we have here.

Sutter drops a water bottle cap and goes to pick it up, which Laurel interprets as a proposal. Braxton: “That is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.”

Here’s the Helms Dynasty with something to say. The key to a strong dynasty is to acknowledge the weak link and that has to be Andrew Everett. Andrew takes the mic and says Helms is the weak link, earning himself a double beatdown. At least that’s a somewhat better way to turn someone face and it’s not like taking a beating while down 2-1 makes him look horrible.

Lashley is ready.

Matt and Jeff meet fans in Tijuana and next week, the first challenge takes place.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards

Eddie is challenging and this is his last match. Davey Richards and Eddie’s wives are in the front row, meaning shenanigans are likely afoot. Eddie starts fast by knocking Lashley to the floor for a suicide dive. That earns him a spinebuster though and we take a break. Back with the champ still in control but getting knocked outside again for another suicide dive.

Lashley grabs the belt but here’s Davey to take it away, allowing Eddie to get in a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. A quick Boston Knee Party should have the title won but Davey pulls the referee out. Angelina Love slaps Alisha and the distraction is enough to allow the spear to retain Lashley’s title at 13:53.

Rating: C+. This was entertaining enough but I’m pretty tired of seeing these two fight. That being said, the match was little more than a backdrop while Davey did the heel turn and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lashley is really needing some fresh competition though and I’m not sure who that is at the moment.

Davey and Angelina beat down Eddie and Alisha to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling hasn’t been the best but I can get behind some of these stories. They’re getting to the point where you can see some of the culminations to them and that’s a good thing. The show isn’t getting on my nerves as badly lately and it certainly seems a bit more focused. I can live with slightly weaker wrestling in exchange for an upgrade in storytelling and that’s what we’re getting lately.

Results

DCC b. Tyrus/Eli Drake – Last Call to Tyrus

Aron Rex b. Robbie E. – Loaded punch

Drew Galloway b. Mahabali Shera – Futureshock

Lashley b. Eddie Edwards – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 26, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Tonight is billed as Genesis, which is likely to be another show that doesn’t really add anything special but will be treated like something interesting while still being a normal show. We’ll throw in two title matches with Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards in an Iron Man match and Rosemary vs. Jade in a Monster’s Ball match. Let’s get to it.

Here are the Hardys with something to say. Matt, who sounds like he has a very sore throat, talks about Brother Nero (There was a video on YouTube where Matt freed Jeff from being Brother Nero. Are we not even following TNA’s own continuity here?) winning the #1 case last week. Jeff thinks he might win the World Title again but Matt has a big idea: going around the world and winning all the Tag Team Titles they can (as revealed to him in a pre-mo-nition as he and his family ate Senor Benjamin’s green beans by the Lake of Reincarnation).

Cue the DCC to imply they’ll be cashing in their Race for the Case match against the Hardys next week. Before any violence can take place, here’s Decay. Crazzy Steve suggests a triple threat for tonight and the DCC immediately agrees. Matt says that even though these are some rude blokes, the match is on.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. DCC vs. Decay

The Hardys are defending. Joined in progress with the DCC working over Steve as the announcers talk about Don West’s insane deals. The hot tag brings in Abyss and LET’S PLUG SCHITT’S CREEK! Jeff comes back in and drops Abyss but the DCC takes over on him in the corner. That means James Storm can distract Matt so a non-tag can take place. Everything breaks down and Kingston gives Matt an STO for two. Steve mists Kingston and it’s a Twist of Fate to retain the titles at 7:00.

Rating: D+. TNA puts James Storm in an interesting/cool looking gimmick and the solution is to put him in a team going after the Tag Team Titles because that’s all James Storm is allowed to do. That man left TNA for this nonsense? Anyway, this is turning into New Day vs. Gallows and Anderson/Cesaro and Sheamus: we know the champs can beat them and they’ve beaten these guys so often that it’s getting really boring. I know TNA is incapable of making new stars but is one fresh team that hard to pull off?

Laurel Van Ness makes Braxton Sutter take her to dinner. Apparently they’re at a restaurant, which looks so fake that I didn’t realize that’s where they were supposed to be until Laurel ordered a glass of wine.

Here’s Drew Galloway to talk about how much he wants the Grand Championship to be the top title around here. That means an open challenge.

Grand Championship: Drew Galloway vs. Moose

Drew is defending and Josh asks how ironic this is. Uh, a guy who got screwed out of a title last week answering an open challenge isn’t ironic you stupid man. Moose goes right at him to start and hits something like a powerbomb. A moonsault almost completely misses but is still good for two. Moose sends him outside and the fight is on with Moose easily getting the better of it. Galloway gets dropped on the barricade and Moose wins round one.

That’s enough to send the champ walking up the ramp but he comes back in to start round two. The middle rope chokebomb and the Game Changer get two each but Drew kicks him low again, meaning Galloway loses a point. The Claymore connects for two so Drew shoves the referee down and kicks Moose low again, setting up the Futureshock to retain at 6:46.

Rating: D. You know, this whole “YOU’RE LOSING A POINT” thing might mean something if more than one match in the history of this title actually went to a judges’ decision. This points system thing is a big waste of time and the title really could have been just a TV Title but that was like three names ago.

Laurel continues to be a blithering idiot and Sutter drinks a lot of wine to cope.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Jade

Rosemary is defending but Jade dives at her to take over. Some kendo stick shots to the back have Jade in trouble but she blocks a suplex onto the thumbtacks. Instead, Jade whips her in the back with a belt before the German suplex puts Rosemary into the tacks. Jade gets smart by blocking the mist with a trashcan lid, which she kicks into the champ’s face for two. It’s time for the barbed wire board and a release STO makes Rosemary scream again. That means it’s time for a regular table but Jade takes too much time going up top, setting up a superplex to drive Jade through for the pin at 9:25.

Rating: B. Jade is a great example of someone with a lot of talent that TNA has given us no reason to care about. Tell me two things about her character other than she used to be in the Dollhouse. She’s entertaining in the ring and I’ve seen far worse performers but there’s just no connection to her, which is the case with most of the roster.

Gail Kim comes out to check on Jade and Rosemary mists her.

Laurel offers some post dinner shenanigans to Braxton but he goes to find the check. With Braxton gone, Laurel calls Maria to tell her it’s going great.

Caleb Konley is making his debut and got his start watching wrestling his entire life.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Caleb Konley

DJZ is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Josh’s brilliant insight: “DJZ would love to successfully defend his X-Division Championship.” Everyone brawls with everyone to start and then, in what might be the dumbest, most contrived spot I’ve ever see, we get a Human Centipede style elevated DDT with three people grabbing someone’s head back to back until DJZ grabs a running neckbreaker to drive everyone down.

That’s the kind of ridiculous stuff that makes it so clear that everyone is working together because there is NO WAY that could work otherwise. Everyone hits a bunch of dives and the Helms Dynasty starts working together, only to get in a fight over who gets to cover. The ZDT to Everett retains DJZ’s title at 4:21.

Rating: D. Words cannot describe how sick I am of this kind of match. It’s a big mess of a match with no story, no psychology, that STUPID multi-man DDT that I’m sure they thought was the coolest thing in the world (or better yet, someone might make a YouTube reaction video about it) and the same challengers we’ve seen over and over again, plus one new name who we heard about for all of five seconds.

The Helms Dynasty Pillmanizes DJZ’s leg.

Edwards asks Davey Richards to let him defend the title on his own. Davey agrees but doesn’t look happy.

Open Fight Night video.

The Hardys go over some possible matches for Jeff’s Race for the Chase match. He doesn’t care for the idea of winning the X-Division Title because it would only feed his addiction so DELETE. Rosemary and Ricky Morton are deleted as well but Matt has a pre-mo-nition showing him who Jeff will pick.

TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley

Lashley is challenging in a thirty minute Iron Man match. Lashley starts fast with a delayed vertical suplex but Eddie avoids the spear and kicks him out to the floor. Back in and Lashley gets two off a slam and we take a break. Lashley is still in control when we come back and the spear gives him the first fall at 8:40.

The slow pace continues as Lashley hammers away, only to get caught in a Blue Thunder Bomb. A half crab doesn’t do much damage to Lashley so he throws Eddie over the top with a release belly to belly suplex. Lashley powerbombs him on the ramp for a countout at 14:25 to make it 2-0.

With the referee checking on Eddie, Lashley takes off a turnbuckle pad. For no apparent reason, Lashley keeps going to the ropes and knocking Eddie off the apron as this just keeps going. Back from a second break with Lashley missing a spear and going into the exposed buckle, allowing Eddie to grab a rollup for a fall at 22:20.

They head to the ramp again with Lashley loading up a release German suplex, only to have Edwards flip out onto his feet. There’s the Boston Knee Party but Eddie has to very slowly crawl back to the ring. Lashley dives in at nine to beat the count but it’s another Boston Knee Party to tie things up at 24:03. A few seconds later JB says we have five minutes left as they’re actually closer than I was expecting.

Lashley gets two off another spear, which of course is followed by a third Boston Knee Party for two more. Eddie’s middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb and Lashley grabs a side choke to make Eddie tap at 26:40 to go up 3-2 with just over three minutes to go. Lashley goes outside to yell at Pope and says he’s already won. That means another suicide dive to take Lashley out and Eddie grabs a guillotine with 51 seconds left. Of course time runs out (at 29:33) to give Lashley the title back.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was fine enough but this DID NOT need to be a thirty minute match in any way, shape or form. There was way too much laying around and so much of that is due to there being no reason for these two to still be fighting. TNA is desperately needing some fresh blood in their main event scene, which has what, four people at most right now? Seriously: Edwards, Lashley, Carter and……I guess Hardy? Assuming he goes for the World Title again? Give us something fresh already.

Overall Rating: D. This is the worst kind of show you can have: not absolutely horrible but so painfully uninteresting that I lost any semblance of caring about halfway through. These matches all just felt like they were going by with no interest or caring, which has long plagued this company. What are we looking at going forward? Gail Kim, Jeff Hardy and Trevor Lee as the challengers to titles? A heel midcard champion who keeps cheating to retain the title? It feels like we’ve been here for years now and that’s not enough to make me care enough. Really dull show here and that’s not a good sign whatsoever.

Results

Hardys b. DCC and Decay – Twist of Fate to Kingston

Drew Galloway b. Moose – Futureshock

Rosemary b. Jade – Superplex through a table

DJZ b. Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley – ZDT to Everett

Lashley b. Eddie Edwards three falls to two

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 19, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

The more things change, the more they stay the same. In the staying the same category, Lashley is yet again the #1 contender to Eddie Edwards’ World Title as those two have been feuding for months now. In the changing category, Feast or Fired has been changed into Race for the Chase, which has some unique rules but is still a four briefcase ladder match. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lashley becoming #1 contender again last week.

Race for the Case

Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Mahabali Shera, Crazzy Steve, Trevor Lee, Eli Drake, Jesse Godderz, Kingston, Bram, Mike Bennett, Tyrus

The idea here is there are four cases with numbers inside. Starting with #1, the four winners can pick whatever match they want, though matches can’t be repeated (meaning all four can’t pick to fight for the World Title or to have a cage match). Jeff is still listed as Brother Nero, despite Matt freeing him from that name a few weeks ago.

Of course it’s a wild brawl to start with everyone going for a case instead of just waiting around for someone else to be busy. Tyrus comes in and starts throwing suplexes, allowing Drake to pull down the red briefcase. Pope doesn’t understand the rules as everyone keeps brawling on the floor.

Lee stomps Bennett in the chest and runs up to grab the blue briefcase. Lee dives off the top onto everyone else and escapes with his case, leaving Bennett to pull Steve down. We take a break and come back with Steve being thrown to the floor as Josh gets to say “playing defense” for the tenth time in the match. Bennett superkicks Matt but everyone keeps cutting everyone else off.

Steve starts cleaning house but Matt has a pre-mo-neetion telling him to get the green case. That sends everyone after it though, leaving Godderz to go for the gold case, which falls right into the hands of the DCC. Well Kingston that is but the DCC is credited with securing it. Matt takes Bennett out and Jeff gets the green case to end the match at 13:03.

Rating: D+. I never know how to grade something like this as it’s just chaos with the real entertainment coming later on when we get to the reveal. I mean, it’s basically still Feast or Fired with Josh talking about how various people can challenge for various title shots which just happen to line up with the division they would usually compete in. Eh at least it felt a bit fresh though and that’s a good thing.

Here’s a clip of Drew Galloway debuting for the sake of setting up his Grand Championship shot later tonight. Uh, maybe we should show him in the Grand Championship Tournament instead of something from years ago?

We see Moose’s debut as well, which gets the same question.

Drew Galloway wants the Grand Championship instead of the World Title.

Lashley has a proposition for Edwards.

Another video on Lashley vs. Carter from last week.

Lashley comes to the ring and says there’s nothing stopping him from facing Eddie Edwards for the World Title. That means a challenge to Eddie, who comes out and says he’d love to face Lashley anywhere anytime. Eddie wants to know the grand plan so Lashley rips on him for winning the title and defending it via flukes. Lashley’s big idea is a thirty minute Iron Man match and the champ says it’s on. The brawl starts and Davey Richards comes out for the save.

Maria calls Braxton Sutter and tells him to see her when he gets to the arena. Brooke comes in and tells Maria to stay out of her business.

Brooke vs. Deonna Purrazzo

Madison Rayne is on commentary again with that annoying voice. Purrazzo has been everywhere as of late, appearing on NXT, Smackdown and Ring of Honor in recent weeks and months. Rayne talks about these two fighting three years ago on a One Night Only show so I guess this is a rematch? Does that qualify as major in TNA? We hear about Brooke’s reality show as she takes Purrazzo down and puts on a Muta Lock minus the leg tie. Deonna knees her in the face and shouts a lot, earning herself a flapjack into a not great nipup. The Tesshocker ends Purrazzo at 4:39.

Rating: D. Was anyone missing Brooke? I mean, it’s not like the division doesn’t need the extra help but the bad theme song (making her the female Billy Gunn) feels way out of place with how far women’s wrestling has come in recent years. Brooke isn’t a bad thing to have back but the whole division is such a wreck that she might help a lot.

Post match Sienna lays Brooke out.

Tyrus tells us to stay tuned for the briefcase reveal.

Sutter comes up to see Maria and they talk about Allie, who still works for Maria. She wants Braxton to quit training Allie and whispers something in his ear, which seems to get to him. Now he agrees to quit training her and Maria sends him off to find Laurel. My goodness GET TO THE END OF THIS STORY ALREADY.

It’s time for Fact of Life with Tyrus doing a long intro for Eli (“He loves his mother and is a stand up Republican.”) before explaining the rules for Race for the Chase. Drake goes first and has case #4, which is last place. After taking time to decide who speaks for the DCC (which no one winds up doing), they get case #2.

Lee is impressed with the quality of the desk and we get some comedy until Tyrus offers Lee a trade: one briefcase for another, plus a shirt. Lee wants some of Tyrus’ clothes so the deal is off. Trevor can’t open the briefcase so Tyrus does it for him, revealing case #3, meaning Jeff gets #1. Jeff doesn’t know who he’s fighting but they’ll fade away and classify themselves as obsolete.

We look at Galloway winning the World Title, which again has NOTHING to do with what he’s doing tonight.

Moose beat Mike Bennett at Bound For Glory.

Braxton breaks up with Allie and ends their training.

Here are Rockstar Spud and Aron Rex with Rex coming out to the Hallelujah chorus which is in no way shape or form copying his WWE character. Robbie E. comes out before Rex, now in flesh colored trunks and lipstick, can say anything. It’s time for a tag match.

Robbie E./Swoggle vs. Aron Rex/Rockstar Spud

Swoggle and Spud get things started with Josh talking about Schitt’s Creek which is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. Spud sends Swoggle into the corner and it’s off to Rex for some chatting. Swoggle grabs his foot so Rex screams that he’s being touched and tags Rex back in. A GTS drops Spud and it’s off to Robbie so things can speed up. Everything breaks down and Swoggle does a Stinkface because this is your comedy of the match. Spud hits Swoggle with the loaded ring and Rex gets the pin at 4:16.

Rating: D-. See, Rex is effeminate and therefore funny. Ignore the fact that it’s not funny of course because this is what passes for comedy around here. Somehow this is an improvement over Rex’s previous character (Did he have a character?) though, which continues to prove the point that Rex isn’t that interesting and needed a character like the one he complained about having in WWE.

We look at Galloway’s heel turn.

We FINALLY get to something Grand Championship related with Moose winning the title from Rex.

Video on Rosemary vs. Jade in the cage to set up next week’s Monster’s Ball match.

Sutter has to escort Laurel out and open the door for her.

Video on the Grand Championship tournament.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Drew Galloway

Moose is defending and Drew gets a jobber’s entrance. But we had time to look at Drew’s debut against the Beat Down Clan? Drew clotheslines him down to start so Moose nips up. A chop off goes nowhere so Drew grabs a piledriver for two. Another slugout wraps up the first round, which goes to Drew.

Round two starts after a break with both guys hitting big boots and Drew scoring with something like a Death Valley Driver onto the apron. Moose powerbombs him onto the apron as well but misses a middle rope moonsault. Galloway grabs the Iron Maiden but Moose hangs on for about forty five seconds to end the round.

That round actually goes to Moose for reasons of pure drama as the announcers bury the judges. It says a lot when I completely agree with Josh and Pope but it’s true here. They trade failed finishers and kick each other in the face to no avail. Drew gets dropkicked out of the air but he kicks Moose low, which isn’t a DQ but rather a point deduction. So these matches are No DQ? Shouldn’t that have been mentioned at some point? Not that it matters as Drew hits the Claymore as soon as the referee restarts the match for the pin and the title at 14:08.

Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse endings but they couldn’t have Moose kick out of the first kick and then lose? If nothing else this just shows how overcomplicated the rules are as they really could get by with just a basic TV Title with a ten minute time limit but that’s not revolutionary enough or something. Drew is a good choice for champion and there’s nothing wrong with putting the title on him here when he was too banged up to get it in the first place.

Drew mocks the judges to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This really was a change of pace but unfortunately the show went from bad to really just boring. As is so often the case, TNA doesn’t understand how to wrap up a story and so many of them (Lashley vs. Edwards, Maria vs. Allie, the Hardys, though less so in their case) just keep going far beyond the point of interest. The wrestling was few and far between tonight and the first match is barely wrestling in the first place. It’s certainly not the worst show in the world but, again, this doesn’t give me hope for the new direction TNA is going in.

Results

Eli Drake, Trevor Lee, DCC and Jeff Hardy won Race for the Case

Brooke b. Deonna Purrazzo – Tesshocker

Aron Rex/Rockstar Spud b. Robbie E./Swoggle – Ring to the head

Drew Galloway b. Moose – Claymore

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