Best Of Haku
Commentators: Lord Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon, Duke Doherty, Jim Duggan, Sean Mooney, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Scott Hudson

I’ve got a huge list of things from the WWE Vault to look at so I might as well do one of the scariest people in wrestling history. Haku is the definition of a solid career midcard guy and that is something you don’t see enough of today. I’m curious about what is going to be included here and that’s a nice feeling to have. Let’s get to it.

We get the usual quick opening video.

From New York City, New York, June 14, 1986.

King Tonga vs. Big John Studd

Bobby Heenan is here with Studd and Tonga wants his $15,000 for recently slamming Studd (a running thing for him) but gets knocked away instead. Studd slams him at the bell and stomps away but Tonga is back up rather quickly. Some slam attempts are blocked and Studd drops him again for an elbow. The chinlock goes on as commentary praises the camera looking at Heenan. Tonga fights up and kicks away, including a dropkick to stagger Studd. Another slam attempt sees them both crash out to the floor for the double countout at 3:49.

Rating: C. Not the best start to the collection, but Tonga oddly worked as a good guy. They did have a nice story going with the battle over the slam and Tonga was right there to fight against the monster. Studd wasn’t the most active in the ring but he knew how to wrestle like a big man, which is a difficult skill to use. Better than I was expecting here.

Post match they brawl on the floor for a few minutes, with Heenan not being sure what to do. Tonga gets in the ring and dances at Studd to try and get him back, with Studd getting inside to go at it again. A big headbutt drops Studd and the villains bail.

From New York City, New York, August 22, 1987.

Haku vs. Rick Martel

Off to the better known name now, with Tama (Rikishi’s brother, Usos/Solo Sikoa’s uncle, Jacob Fatu’s father) here in Haku’s corner and no partner for Martel. Apparently he realizes that’s a problem though and runs to the back to get Tito Santana, with the team being dubbed Strike Force.

Actually hold on as the referee ejects Tama and Santana so this can be a singles match. Haku jumps him to start so they run the ropes, with Martel hitting a crossbody. A headknocker knocks Haku’s head but he’s back with a cheap shot to drop Martel for a change. Martel hits a dropkick into a flying headscissors for two and a snapmare brings Haku down again.

Back up and Haku knocks him back down, followed by the slam (a theme with him) and a reverse chinlock. Martel fights up and hits the spinning middle rope crossbody for two, only to get launched out to the floor. Back in and Martel sends him into the corner and starts striking away. A monkey flip sends Haku flying again but he knocks Martel right back down. Cue Tama with a chair to Martel to give Haku the easy pin at 8:18.

Rating: C+. The more I see of Martel, the better he seems. He was so talented in pretty much every aspect of wrestling and that was on display here, as he made a heck of a fired up comeback. The teams would wind up having some rather nice matches (shocking I know) but this worked well as a singles match for a change.

Post match the Islanders beat Martel down but Santana runs in for the save.

From New York City, New York, September 21, 1987.

Islanders vs. Strike Force

Bobby Heenan is here with the Islanders and Strike Force, now with matching gear and Girls In Cars, run in for the brawl to start fast and the fans are rather pleased as the Islanders are knocked outside. A dropkick sends Tama outside and it’s time to hide in the ropes rather than go for the fight.

Back in and Santana works on Tama’s arm, followed by a clothesline as Heenan is panicking at ringside. The armdrag sets up an armbar, which goes on for a good while. Santana’s armdrag means it’s another armbar but Haku knocks him up against the ropes for a change. That allows Tama to come back in for an elbow to the face, followed by Haku’s front facelock. Tama’s nerve hold does about the same but Santana fights up and gets over for the tag to Martel, meaning the comeback can quickly ensue.

A crossbody hits Tama and everything breaks down, with the Islanders being sent into each other. Haku gets in a cheap shot on Martel though and gets to come back in and stomp on the ropes. Well on Martel on the ropes but close enough. Tama misses a middle rope headbutt though and the tag brings in Santana…but the referee doesn’t see it. That lets Haku drop a headbutt and steal the pin at 13:59.

Rating: B. Yeah this worked, with Strike Force both knowing how to do the big comeback, which had the fans more than behind them. At the same time, the Islanders were a good heel team who knew how to work this style. The cheating ending makes it even better and I could go for a rematch.

From Wrestlemania VII.

Haku/Barbarian vs. Rockers

Well we’re only skipping three and a half years and Bobby Heenan is outside. Michaels and Haku start things off with Haku powering him into the corner. An attempted jump over the top doesn’t really work so Michaels has him run the ropes until a flying shoulder can put Haku down for a change. Jannetty comes in for the double elbow but the Barbarian clotheslines both of them down.

That earns him a double superkick (serves him right for coming in without a tag) and Heenan wants to talk for a bit. We settle down to Jannetty trying a sunset flip on Barbarian, who misses a right hand to the mat instead. Back up and Michaels adds a dropkick to the back to knock Barbarian into a hurricanrana.

That just earns Jannetty a double headbutt and another hurricanrana attempt is countered into an assisted hot shot (that looked great). The gorilla press drops Jannetty again and Haku gets in a cheap shot from the apron. Barbarian knocks him down again and grabs a bearhug, leaving Michaels to play cheerleader.

Jannetty fights out and is promptly powerslammed, only for Barbarian’s top rope headbutt to miss. That’s enough for the tag off to Michaels, who gets to clean house in a hurry. A sunset flip gets two on Haku as everything breaks down. Barbarian gets superkicked/dropkicked to the floor, leaving Jannetty to missile dropkick Haku. Michaels adds a high crossbody (and a nice one at that) for the pin at 10:33.

Rating: B-. The heat on Jannetty went on a bit too long but the Rockers could work that fast paced style comeback as well as anyone. You put an easy to like speed team against an imposing power team. That’s about as basic of a wrestling style as you can get and it worked rather well here with a fast paced opener. Nice stuff, shockingly enough for a match involving four skilled pros.

From WrestleFest 91.

Haku vs. British Bulldog

They take turns backing each other into the ropes to start and then Bulldog flips out of a wristlock. Haku goes to the face and hits a running shoulder, only to get dropkicked out to the floor. This gives us the odd visual of Haku requesting time out before coming back inside, where he is knocked down again.

Bulldog grabs a sleeper of all things before drop toeholding him into an armbar. That’s broken up as well and Haku knocks him down, followed by a piledriver for two. The chinlock goes on for a bit, with Bulldog fighting up and hitting a crossbody for two of his own. Haku knocks him right back into the chinlock, with Bulldog breaking out even faster this time. An elbow to the face gives Bulldog two but he’s right back with a crucifix for the pin at 7:52.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure why this needed to be on there but at least another singles match got included here. This was the kind of match that kept Haku employed for such a long time, as he was able to feel like enough of a threat to Bulldog, who got a win over a tough opponent. It wasn’t the greatest match, but it was basically Haku’s bread and butter kind of match.

From Great American Bash 1995.

US Title: Meng vs. Sting

And we skip another three and a half years. For the vacant title and kind of the finals (originally a semifinal, but the other semifinal didn’t have a winner and triple threats weren’t a big deal yet (thank goodness) so the semifinal is now a final. Meng (who has Colonel Robert Parker in his corner) backs him into the corner to start and unloads with some clubberin.

Sting gets choked down but comes back with a jumping kick to the chest (likely a mistimed dropkick) and a dropkick to send him into the corner for a change. Parker gets Meng outside for a chat, with the advice seemingly being “beat him up some more”, with Meng striking away in the corner.

Sting gets knocked out to the floor and sent into the barricade, followed by a sitout powerbomb for two back inside. The nerve hold goes on for a bit before Meng blocks a sunset flip by simply kicking Sting in the head. That means another nerve hold, which brings Sting up for a comeback. That’s cut off as well, with Meng hitting a middle rope headbutt for two.

Some running clotheslines put Meng down and the hair grab bulldog does it again. A Cactus Clothesline sends them outside, with Sting going after Parker. The angered Meng misses a charge into the post and it’s the Scorpion Deathlock back inside. Meng breaks it up so Sting goes up top for a clothesline. One heck of a top rope splash gives Sting two and a jumping DDT (never seen him use that before) finishes Meng for the title at 13:36.

Rating: B-. This was, again, the exact kind of match that Meng specialized in and probably his most high profile singles match ever. While it would have made more sense as a semifinal before Sting could face a bigger name, it was Sting surviving against a monster and coming from behind to win. It might not have been Vader but it was the Vader formula and that worked well.

From Monday Nitro, February 24, 1997.

Faces Of Fear vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chris Jericho

That would be Meng/Barbarian again (with Jimmy Hart (wearing a Jimmy Hart tie)), as they’re kind of a natural pairing. Barbarian chokes Jericho into the corner to start but misses the Kick Of Fear (big boot). Jericho kicks the knee out and brings in Guerrero, who is launched into the air for a nasty looking crash back down. Meng (who is looking a good bit bigger) comes in and gets taken down with a headscissors.

A double backdrop puts Meng down and Jericho hits a backsplash for two. That’s fine with Meng, who belly to back suplexes Jericho silly, allowing Barbarian to hit a release overhead belly to belly. Jericho hits a spinning high crossbody to put Meng down and we hit the choking. Meng backdrops Jericho into Barbarian’s powerbomb (that always looked great) for two more and the beating continues.

Jericho finally gets in a poisonrana and it’s back to Guerrero to pick up the pace. A pop up dropkick hits Barbarian and a double suplex puts him down again. Jericho tries a Lionsault but gets pulled outside. That leaves Guerrero to go up top but cue Dean Malenko to shove him into Barbarian’s big boot for the pin at 7:42 (a big deal as Guerrero is US Champion).

Rating: B. I for one am shocked that Guerrero and Jericho could get together and have a good match against a regular team. The Faces Of Fear were a great choice for a pair of monsters, which is why they were put in this spot in both major promotions. It worked well here and while the opponents helped, those power moves were rather awesome.

From Monday Nitro, March 15, 1999.

Meng vs. Jerry Flynn

Meng jumps him to start but misses a charge into the corner. Flynn strikes away and a clothesline…just makes Meng mad. A powerslam puts Flynn down but he grabs a quickly broken ankle lock (Meng grabbing the ropes doesn’t feel right). Back up and Meng knocks him down again but Flynn pulls on a cross armbreaker. That’s broken up as well and they strike it out again, with Flynn hitting a Thesz press of all things. The spinning kick misses for Flynn though and the Tongan Death Grip finishes for Meng at 4:10.

Rating: C+. As usual, I was disappointed when I read the name wrong as Flynn is…I have no idea why he was around so often. This was more about Meng being the big bulldozer kind of unstoppable monster and it fit him rather well. Having him shrug off everything else and win with the Tongan Death Grip was fine, but it just wasn’t that thrilling of a match.

From Sin.

Hardcore Title: Meng vs. Crowbar vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending. We’re joined in progress (I think) with Funk knocking Crowbar through the backstage hallways and into the women’s room (of course). Funk hits him with every stall door and Daffney screams a lot, only for Meng to pop up and wreck Funk with a trashcan. They go back into the arena, where Funk and Crowbar get smart and double team Meng.

They take turns ramming each other into a metal door until a bunch of tables are knocked onto Meng. Funk throws a chair at Crowbar’s head and gets blasted with a fire extinguisher. Crowbar rams him into a table and climbs a balcony to legdrop him through said table. Meng is back with trashcan shots so Crowbar bails up to the stage. A chop off goes badly for Crowbar, who gets knocked down the ramp, only for Funk to blast Meng in the back with a shovel.

Funk sets up a piece of barricade on the regular barricade and then hits Meng with the shovel again. Funk slams Crowbar through the barricade but Crowbar is right back up to Pillmanize Funk’s legs. A running dropkick takes out Funk’s leg and Crowbar puts on a Figure Four, even with Meng hammering on him at the time. Meng goes up top with a splash to Crowbar for the save, followed by a piledriver.

Funk makes the save (that can’t be smart), earning himself a middle rope splash from Meng. Crowbar makes the save and he and Funk unload on Meng with chair shots to FINALLY put him down for two. A DDT puts Meng down again and Crowbar chairs Funk in the head. Meng knocks Crowbar silly and Tongan Death Grips Funk for the win at 11:24.

Rating: B-. The point here was “Meng is an unstoppable monster and can’t be hurt”, with the other two there to be all over the top and insane. It worked, as usual, as this was kind of the final evolution of Meng. He had a reputation of being the toughest wrestler ever and then he was turned into an even more unstoppable monster. It would take something special to screws him up and…yeah of course WCW managed to do so.

How? Well just after this he would jump back to the WWF, with the title, because why make sure you have an active champion under contract?

Overall Rating: B-. Haku is not someone who was going to have all kinds of classic matches or memorable moments or all that jazz. He was never a main eventer or really anything more than a midcard monster. What he was though is a great example of a role player. You know EXACTLY what you’re getting with Meng and he does that kind of work very, very well. That was on full display here, as he mainly stayed around the same area of the card (save for the hardcore stuff) and was incredibly consistent. That’s a hard thing to find in wrestling and Haku did it rather well.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Lilian Garcia

Then it was time to change things. In this case, that’s going to be at the hands of Batista and John Cena, who are challenging for the World Titles. There isn’t exactly much of a secret that they’re getting the belts, but that has made for some great Wrestlemania moments before. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Tajiri, William Regal, Rhino, Hurricane, Rosey, Maven, Simon Dean, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Tyson Tomko, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Mark Jindrak, Funaki, Akio, Orlando Jordan, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Booker T.. Paul London, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty

Eh nothing wrong with getting everyone a DVD bonus credit. The Raw and Smackdown sides square off and Hurricane gives Heidenreich a mask…so Heidenreich punches him in the face as we officially start. Spike goes to the apron as there are so many people in the ring that they can’t move very much. Hurricane is out first (the fans disapprove) as Tazz talks about this being a team effort between Raw and Smackdown. I’m still not sure how but WWE would push that idea forever.

Reigns is gone too and Viscera gets knocked down, which doesn’t seem to be a great idea. Some people hold Viscera down so Scotty can hit the Worm, only for Masters to toss Scotty, Funaki and Spike in a row. Haas is out as well as the ring is at least clearing out a bit. Nunzio is on the floor but doesn’t seem to be out as things slow back down. Heidenreich (still in the mask) stops to eat a turnbuckle before clotheslining Venis out.

Dean is gone as well and Grenier follows him. There goes Rosey as Rhyno Gores Heidenreich from behind (OUCH). Rhyno is tossed out as well and Conway gets eliminated right after him to thin things out even more. The Raw and Smackdown guys square off, with Holly giving Regal an Alabama slam. Akio and Holly are tossed out and there goes Regal (who commentary doesn’t recognize). Tajiri mists Heidenreich, who can see well enough to kick London out.

Heidenreich is sent to the apron where he knocks out Tajiri before being kicked out by Snitsky. Jindrak gets rid of Snitsky as we’re down to Jindrak, Booker, Masters and Viscera. Masters dumps Jindrak and commentary tries to explain that Booker is down 2-1 because battle royals are suddenly team matches. Nunzio, who was never eliminated, comes back in and is tossed just as fast. Booker misses the side kick and gets caught in the ropes but manages to low bridge Viscera out. That leaves Booker with Masters and a superkick gives Booker the win at 11:19.

Rating: C. As usual, there’s only so much you can get out of this kind of a battle royal. It’s designed to get wrestlers on the card and it did that well enough. Booker winning is a fine way to get the crowd going and they weren’t out there very long. I could go for less of the Raw vs. Smackdown nonsense but that’s been a thing for years in WWE, even if it never really clicked.

Lilian Garcia sings America The Beautiful.

Since we’re in Los Angeles, we are officially going Hollywood and get a montage of the still incredible parody trailers, some of which are downright inspired.

We get the final trailer, featuring Steve Austin as Gladiator, which might be a stretch but getting Austin into something like this was a good move.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

They’re friends and partners (even champions) but it’s time for a friendly match. No superhero for Mysterio this time as instead it’s more of a Mexican flag theme. Mysterio starts fast with a suplex but gets armdragged into an early armbar. A big catapult sends Mysterio outside but Mysterio gets back inside to avoid a baseball slide and we have a standoff.

Back in and they go to a test of strength with Mysterio’s monkey flip not getting him anywhere. Guerrero goes to a keylock to stay on the arm but Mysterio manages to get in another monkey flip. Mysterio is sent crashing outside though and the arm is banged up, which has Guerrero in a better move (as he slips into the heel role, which fit him much better).

A hard belly to back suplex sets up a surfboard, followed by an STF. That’s a bit too complicated though so Guerrero switches back to the standard armbar. Mysterio is able to send him outside though and the big twisting dive drops Guerrero again. Back in and a backbreaker puts Mysterio right back down but he’s able to block the third Amigo. The 619 is blocked as well though and Mysterio snaps off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. More suplexes have Mysterio down but he avoids the frog splash.

They trade some rollups for two each but now Mysterio is up with the 619. After adjusting his mask (Mysterio was using a different kind of clasp here and it was driving him crazy throughout the match, with all kinds of noticeable adjustments), the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb (and Mysterio adjusts the mask again). Mysterio is down but comes up with a quick hurricanrana for the pin out of nowhere at 12:23.

Rating: B-. They were in a bit of a weird spot here as they are still great friends and didn’t want to go full blast, but not going full blast at Wrestlemania doesn’t exactly fit. Guerrero was getting a bit frustrated in there and that’s a sign for the future, as these two were going to be doing this for the next few months. It’s still a good match, but it was a slow first step in a big story, which might not be the best fit for Wrestlemania.

Post match respect is shown and everything is ok.

JBL, with the Cabinet, runs into HHH, with Ric Flair. They compare greatness and JBL tells HHH to get ready to lose the title for the tenth time tonight. HHH says if JBL keeps telling people how good he is, someone will believe him eventually. They’ll see who is still champion at the end of the night. My goodness the idea of those two having a match makes my skin crawl.

Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Edge vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kane vs. Christian

And here’s something important as it’s the inaugural Money In The Bank. Benjamin is the Intercontinental Champion and Kane gets the still awesome entrance of the Hollywood set and the ladders being set on fire (even Kane seems to think it’s cool). The brawl starts in the aisle with Kane getting the better of things and going after the ladder. That’s broken up and Benoit and Benjamin suplex Kane on the floor.

Christian goes for the ladder but Jericho knocks him into the ring, which is the official start. Benjamin is in to hammer on Jericho, who knocks him right back down. A triangle dropkick hits Edge and Benoit, followed by a dive to take out the former. Christian is back in with a dive onto his three fellow Canadians. Benjamin is of course right there with an even bigger dive, followed by Kane’s dive onto everyone but Christian. Kane throws in the ladder but Jericho takes it away and gets to wreck various people.

Benoit German suplexes Jericho, sending the ladder flying in the process. Kane tries to chokeslam Benoit off the ladder but gets pulled into the Crossface. Edge breaks it up for no logical reason and gets Crossfaced as well, with Kane breaking that up as well. That’s not enough for Kane, who puts Benoit’s arm inside a ladder and crushes it a few times, only for Edge to drop Kane with a spear. Edge and Christian get back together for a bit, only for Benjamin to send Edge into a ladder in the corner.

A Stinger Splash crushed Edge against the ladder and Benjamin goes up, only for Jericho to cut him off. Christian sets up another ladder so Benoit climbs at the same time, with Edge setting up a third ladder next to them. Everyone but Kane is up until Christian pulls Benoit down with a DDT on the arm. Jericho is knocked down, leaving Benjamin to Exploder Edge down for the huge crash. Christian bridges a ladder into the standing one, with Jericho climbing up.

That lets Benjamin run up the bridge to clothesline Jericho off, sending him crashing out to the floor. Kane is back up though and it’s time to start wrecking people. Benjamin gets chokeslammed…well mostly onto the ropes as he crashes out to the floor. Christian’s lackey Tyson Tomko comes in to boot Kane but gets knocked over the top. Christian gets a hand on the briefcase but Kane shoves the ladder over, sending Christian down onto Tomko for a crazy crash (and thankfully not breaking Tomko’s leg in the process).

Kane and Jericho go up and knock each other off onto the ropes for another big spill. Benoit, with his arm dangling, goes up and Swan Dives onto Kane, which doesn’t seem so bright but that’s kind of par for the course for him. The bloody Benoit goes up but has to headbutt Kane down, only to get chaired in the arm by Edge. That’s enough for Edge to get the briefcase and win at 15:19.

Rating: B+. I still really like this one as the match hadn’t been bogged down by a bunch of cliches and having far too many people. Edge looked ruthless with the chair shot on the end and him stealing the briefcase (despite not breaking any rules) fit in perfectly. There are more than enough high spots and carnage here to make it work and it’s a rather fun bit of chaos.

Here is Eugene for a surprise appearance. He’s happy to be at Wrestlemania and talks about loving King Kong Bundy beating up a midget and the midget army getting together to go after him. This is the greatest moment of his life but here are Muhammad Hassan and Daivari to interrupt. Hassan is livid, which Eugene thinks means he doesn’t like midgets. That sends Hassan into a rant about how he isn’t on the biggest show of the year and how prejudiced Hollywood has been over the years.

He’s never lost but he has to take a backseat to EUGENE? He will not stand for this and is going to create a Wrestlemania Moment. Hassan jumps the injured Eugene and the double beatdown is on. The camel clutch is locked in….and it’s HULK HOGAN walking that aisle to an absolute roar. Hogan cleans house of the villains, including shrugging off a chair from Daivari. The ring is cleared and Hogan poses as the fans eat this all up. Yeah it still works.

We recap the Undertaker vs. Randy Orton. Over the last few weeks, Orton has tried to show more of an edge and wants to kill the biggest legend of them all. Undertaker doesn’t take kindly to this and wants to hurt someone, which can’t go well for Orton.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

It’s Wrestlemania so we’ve got druids (one of which might be Kofi Kingston, who implied it was him but it might have been from a segment on Smackdown). Orton circles around to start and hits a quick dropkick, followed by a backdrop. Undertaker isn’t having that and knocks him to the floor, setting up the apron legdrop. Old School connects but Orton is back up with a dropkick to knock Undertaker off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and Orton tries to keep things slow but ducks his head, allowing Undertaker to hit the running DDT.

The corner clothesline hits Orton, who reverses Snake Eyes with an elbow to put Undertaker back down. The forearms to the chest just wake Undertaker up, which can never be a good thing. A clothesline puts Orton down (though he didn’t seem to be ready for it) for two and Undertaker grabs the dragon sleeper that he tried really hard to get over, to limited success. It’s only good for two arm drops here, as Orton reverses into a DDT for two. The chinlock (of course) goes on, which Orton switches into a sleeper, which Undertaker breaks up with a sleeper rather quickly.

Orton’s powerslam gets two and Orton is stunned at the kickout. Dude it was a powerslam. Calm down. The Last Ride out of the corner is blocked but the referee gets bumped. Another Last Ride is loaded up but here is Cowboy Bob Orton with a cast shot to the face, naturally for two.

The ticked off Undertaker comes up swinging, only to have to kick Bob down again. The chokeslam is loaded up…and countered into the RKO for a rather delayed two (if there was ever a point to end the Streak in this era, that was 100% it, with one of the best counters ever). Ever the moron, Randy tries a Tombstone and gets reversed into the real thing for the pin at 14:06 (that’s 13-0).

Rating: B. I’ve seen this match a bunch of times and I still feel bad when the RKO doesn’t finish it off. That was a perfect place to do it but dang they didn’t go that way. That being said, it’s still a heck of a match with Undertaker getting to show that he still has it. The Streak was a thing by this point and the idea of someone trying to take it out was becoming something huge, which would only get FAR bigger over the years.

We recap Trish Stratus defending the Women’s Title against Christy Hemme. This translates to “Lita is injured and Christy is in Playboy so it’s as good as we can do”.

Women’s Title: Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus

Hemme, with Lita (her coach), is challenging. Stratus even lays down for her to start before coming up with a shove. The one sided beating begins but Hemme blocks a Chick Kick. Lita offers a distraction and Hemme gets in a low blow (sure) so she can stomp away. Stratus is back up and they seem to get a bit confused so Stratus fires off some chops.

Hemme starts contorting and Lawler starts cheering, with Stratus hitting a spear to send her outside. Back in and a rollup gives Hemme two and she fires off some rather bad kicks. A reverse Twist Of Fate gets two and they fight over a rollup. Stratus has had it with this and kicks her in the head (area) to retain at 4:40.

Rating: D+. Well, they tried. The problem here is very simple: Hemme isn’t a wrestler and there isn’t much that can be done to get around that reality. Lita was only so much of a factor here, but again she could only do so much. There wasn’t much they could do here and the match wasn’t good, but you can only give them so much blame.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle. Michaels eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and Angle was ticked. He even brought up being tired of hearing about Michaels when he was the best amateur wrestler in the world back in 1996 and it’s time for him to prove his amazingness. On the other hand, it’s Michaels at Wrestlemania.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

They stare each other down to start and Michaels slaps him in the face, only to get wrestled to the ground without much effort. Michaels goes straight over to the ropes (in the same start, minus the slap, that Michaels would have with Shelton Benjamin about a month later) and we reset a bit. A headlock slows Angle down a bit and Michaels grinds away on that for a good while.

Angle finally gets up but gets hiptossed into a short armscissors as they’re definitely starting slowly. Back up and Angle drives him into the corner, where Michaels slugs away. That’s cut off again and the referee gets a bit too physical, allowing Angle to hit a forearm to the back. The ankle lock is broken up and Michaels clotheslines him out to the floor. It’s already time to load up the announcers’ table but Angle picks Michaels up for an Angle Slam into the post (the goal was for Michaels’ back to hit but it was more his hip, with the replay not helping).

Back in and Angle snaps off the suplex, followed by the reverse chinlock. With that broken up, Angle loads up the belly to belly superplex but Michaels knocks him off. The top rope elbow misses though and Angle takes the straps down, only to have the Angle Slam countered with an armdrag. Michaels backdrops him to the floor and goes up for a crossbody, only to seemingly slip and make the landing even nastier than usual. Angle gets up to block the Asai moonsault but can’t German suplex him off the apron. Instead Michaels hits a springboard crossbody to crush Angle onto the table and they’re both down.

They barely beat the count and slowly slug it out, with Michaels hitting the forearm. Now the elbow can connect but the superkick is countered into the ankle lock (which is a pretty simple way to go but Michaels can be a bit dim at times). Michaels finally makes the rope and gets two off a rollup but the superkick is countered again. One heck of an Angle Slam gets two and Angle isn’t sure what to do. He goes intellectual by putting the straps back up so he can take them down again (that’s just brilliant) but misses a moonsault (which almost sound up being a moonsault headbutt).

Michaels goes up again and it’s a super Angle Slam for two, with the fans losing it on the kickout. Angle yells at him a lot and gets superkicked for his efforts. Michaels finally gets the cover but Angle gets the shoulder up at the last half second, with the fans not being pleased. They slowly get up and Angle snatches the ankle lock, with Michaels rolling around but he can’t escape. Angle even gets the grapevine and Michaels still hangs on for the better part of two minutes (GEEZ) before tapping at 27:30.

Rating: A-. That ending is one of the only things that holds this one back as otherwise it’s an absolute classic. This is one of those pairings where you can just put them in the ring and you know it’s going to be magic, which is exactly what happened here. The double strap pull down is still great and the match holds up rather well. I mean…it’s Michaels vs. Angle for almost half an hour at Wrestlemania. What more do you want?

And after that, let’s have Piper’s Pit. Piper thanks the fans for the honor of the Hall Of Fame, despite them not really having much to do with it. As for tonight, he wanted to talk to the baddest, meanest, low downest rattlesnake son of an unnamed goat in WWE. Who is the biggest rebel in WWE? Steve Austin? BULLS***!

Piper has to see this guy in person so here is Austin, for the first time in a good while. Austin gets in the ring, where Piper welcomes him to the Pit and then slaps him. Austin thanks Piper and slaps him right back. Piper: “I kinda like ya!” Piper says he respects Austin and is immediately thrown off by the WHAT chants. He likes what Austin has done with Vince McMahon over the years (and starts getting the rhythm right to deal with the chants) but he was here when Wrestlemania didn’t even have a number.

Piper agrees on everything else, but when it comes to being a rebel, Austin has nothing on him. Austin mocks Piper’s fashion sense and says he isn’t intimidated whatsoever. Piper goes to respond but Austin tells him to think about it…and here’s Carlito to be in WAY over his head. Austin and Piper accuse the other of having a plan but Carlito says they’re slapping each other like little girls. Neither of them are cool and everyone wants to see Carlito. Piper calls Carlito “Alfalfa” for his out of date reference of the night.

Carlito wants both of them out of here and loads up the apple, which Piper takes. Instead Piper takes a bite of the apple and spits it at Carlito, who comes up swinging. Austin makes the save and hits the Stunner on Carlito. Piper throws Carlito out, beer is consumed, and Piper gets Stunned too. All in all, a pretty complete wast of time as they didn’t have anything to say to each other and Austin didn’t seem to care.

Akebono vs. Big Show

This is a sumo match and the fans are basically silent for Akebono, mainly because he has nothing to do with WWE. The whole point of this is to have the sight gag of Big Show in a thong and that’s about it. They do the big ceremonial start, they grapple, Show almost gets him out, Akebono does get him out at 1:01. This was a thing that happened.

We recap JBL defending the Smackdown World Title against John Cena. It’s a straight up culture clash as JBL is the old school rich Texan while Cena is the modern star who had the spinner title and wears throwback jerseys. Cena won a tournament and the match was on, but they weren’t allowed to have any physical contact. Therefore, they both tormented the other to ramp up some tension.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Cena is challenging while JBL gets a police motorcade and JBL bucks rain down from the ceiling. Cena starts fast with a running shoulder for a knockdown but JBL gets a boot up in the corner. That means JBL can hit his own running shoulder and Cena is in trouble for a change. The slow beating ensues, including JBL grabbing a swinging neckbreaker for two.

Back up and JBL chokes on the ropes before Cena tries to fight back, only to charge into a spinebuster for two more. There’s another neckbreaker for another two, followed by a short arm clothesline for the same. JBL forearms him in the back and grabs the sleeper, with Cena finally suplexing his way out of trouble.

A double clothesline puts both of them down but Cena is sent crashing out to the floor. Back in and JBL takes him up top for the superplex but goes for a high crossbody for some reason, earning a powerslam out of the air. Cena initiates the comeback and it’s the ProtoBomb into the Shuffle. JBL gets a boot up in the corner but misses the Clothesline, allowing Cena to hit the FU for his first World Title at 11:27.

Rating: C. Yeah it’s historic as Cena gets the win to end the JBL title reign, but at the end of the day, it was a pretty boring match. JBL just could not back it up in the ring and that was on display here. Cena tried as hard as he could and had the fire in his eyes, but JBL never even had a big near fall to build some drama. Cena wins clean, but that’s all there was here and that didn’t quite carry it to greatness.

Post match Cena celebrates in the crowd in a clip that was on a lot of highlight reels.

We go to the Hall Of Fame induction ceremony from last night, with Hulk Hogan headlining and Roddy Piper getting in a nice speech. Iron Sheik doing his rambling and raving and Bobby Heenan going “WHAT THE H*** DID HE JUST SAY???” was great too.

Gene Okerlund presents the class of 2005:

Nikolai Volkoff (unfortunately not in the brown suit)
Iron Sheik (makes sense)
Paul Orndorff (who apparently intentionally left his plaque in his hotel room because it was cheap)
Bob Orton Jr. (the arm seems healed)
Jimmy Hart (you have to have him)
Roddy Piper (yep)
Hulk Hogan (they’re probably not here without him)

We recap HHH defending the Raw World Title against Batista. They’ve been part of Evolution together but Batista has become a star, while HHH is still the focal point. It became clear that HHH only cared about keeping himself as the star but then Batista won the Royal Rumble. Before he could decide who to challenge, he overheard HHH and Ric Flair mocking him, which was enough for him to make the decision to challenge HHH. The thumbs up turning into a thumbs down as he chose to come after HHH is still great stuff.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Batista

HHH, with Ric Flair, is defending and is played to the ring by Motorhead, with Lemmy mostly butchering the words. To be fair, it’s still a pretty awesome entrance and the belt looks extra shiny. Unfortunately this is before Batista got I Walk Alone so his entrance doesn’t have the same impact. We get an old school weapons check and we’re ready to go. They take turns shoving each other to start with Batista getting a bit of an advantage with the power game.

HHH’s running shoulder doesn’t work as Batista knocks him down so we’ll try a headlock instead. An early Pedigree attempt is countered into quite the slam and HHH needs to cool off a bit. Back up and HHH goes with the simple idea of hitting Batista in the face but Batista gives him a backdrop. The jumping knee puts Batista outside again, where Flair’s distraction lets HHH send Batista into the steps.

Back in and HHH chokes away so Flair does the same, with Lawler not seeing anything wrong with it. HHH rams Batista’s back into the barricade a few times and starts hammering away on it back inside. Some knees to the back set up a backbreaker and Flair chokes away again (JR losing it is great). Batista fights out of the corner but walks into the spinebuster for two. The neckbreaker gets two more but another Pedigree attempt is countered with a backdrop.

HHH facebusters him for two and goes up, only to get clotheslined out of the air. A sidewalk slam gives Batista two but he charges into a boot in the corner. Batista is fine enough to throw HHH into the corner and over the top for a big crash outside. Batista follows in a not so bright move and gets sent into the steps, with HHH taking him onto those steps for a Pedigree attempt. That’s countered into a catapult into the post and we’ve got the fastest bleeding in history.

HHH’s bleeding head is rammed into more steps before they get back inside, where Batista has that look in his eyes. Batista just unloads with forearms to the cut, followed by a running corner clothesline. It works so well that Batista does it again, followed by a powerslam for two. HHH staggers out to the floor, where Flair’s distraction lets him grab a chair.

The referee takes it away but gets bumped in the process, allowing Flair to grab the belt. That earns him a spinebuster back inside so the referee gets rid of him, allowing HHH to get in a belt shot for two. Batista is back with the spinebuster but HHH goes low. The Pedigree is blocked AGAIN, with Batista even breaking HHH’s grip for a cool visual. Batista powers him up for an Air Raid Crash of all things and it’s thumbs down. The Batista Bomb finishes HHH at 21:34.

Rating: B. The goal here was to make Batista look like a huge deal and put him over for the World Title on the biggest stage of them all. That worked and it worked very well. You really couldn’t have asked for the result to be much better, though the match itself didn’t quite get all the way to greatness. It’s perfectly good though and that’s enough to get by, especially with the right result.

Post match Batista glares at HHH and Flair as they leave. Batista poses as the pyro goes off (that was on the opening highlight package for a long time).

The big highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B+. Again, the goal of this show was to get Cena and Batista over as the new generation and that happened. Everything else is pretty much a big bonus, with only the Women’s Title and sumo matches being downgrades. Angle vs. Michaels is pretty easily the match of the night, with some other rather good stuff included. I liked this more than I thought I would and it’s a rather strong show, with the big goal being more than accomplished.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the second of three redos this year and it is a show that I have seen quite a few times over the years. WWE knows how to bust out the big anniversary shows and that is what we will be seeing here. The fact that the show is in Madison Square Garden makes it even better. The main event is HHH defending the Raw World Title against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels in a match that I think might work. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sing America the Beautiful with a VERY patriotic montage.

The opening video features Vince McMahon walking out of the shadows and talking about how he had a vision twenty years ago which shaped everything today. This gives us the always awesome montage of Wrestlemania clips, which really is their strong suit. They know how to make things feel special and that is what they did here. Speaking of special, the video ends with Shane McMahon now next to Vince and presenting his son, Vince’s first grandchild, as the narrator talks about where it all begins again. That has always stuck with me since I saw this show for the first time and it is great.

In a change from the usual MSG setup, the entrance is on the left instead of opposite the hard camera, though there is a large screen showing the current match.

We get the traditional welcome from the multiple commentary teams.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is challenging and is on fire here, while Big Show has defended the title less than three times since winning it back in October. Cena’s rap mocks Show’s anatomy in various ways and promises that he’ll win the title tonight. Show shoves him away to start but Cena is back with the right hands. Cena’s shots are shrugged off though and he gets sent outside, setting up a powerslam for two back inside.

The fans think Show sucks as he slowly hammers Cena down, including a slam. We get the required standing on Cena’s chest/throat and a suplex drops Cena again. More standing, this time on Cena’s back, seems to wake him up a bit but Show kicks him in the face. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the frustration starts setting in fast. Powered by the fans (his kind always is), Cena slips out of a slam and grabs a choke, which earns him a hard clotheslines.

Show is back with the cobra clutch but Cena powers out again and avoids a charge in the corner. The FU barely gets two though and now it’s Cena being stunned. With nothing else working, Cena grabs his chain, which is taken away by the competent referee. Instead it’s the brass knuckles off Show’s head, setting up the FU to give the filthy cheater the pin and the title at 9:20.

Rating: C. This was more of a coronation than anything else and it came at the end of a not very interesting match. The problem with someone like Show is there are only so many things that you can do with him. Cena has the power to make it work a little better, but this isn’t the best time in Show’s history and it was obvious here. That being said, this was ALL about Cena and as long as he left with the title, nothing else mattered.

Coach is walking through the back and after meeting various people like Tom Prichard and Teddy Long, he goes in to see Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff (with assistant Johnny Nitro), who wants to make sure that Undertaker is here. Bischoff sends Coach to find him but Coach isn’t exactly comfortable with that. He goes anyway, as Bischoff doesn’t really care.

Evolution, minus HHH, is in a stairwell, with Randy Orton talking about how it’s ironic that we are back here in MSG where he became the new Hardcore Legend. We see a clip of Orton kicking Mick Foley down these steps, which made Foley walk away back in December. Then Foley came back, when Orton spat in his face. Foley can’t accept that life has passed him by, just like evolution.

We see clips of Foley being beaten up over and over, including a segment where Foley told Orton to really hit him in the face. Evolution has gotten bored with it, just like Foley, so he called Hollywood to get the Rock. Then Evolution beat him down too and they’ll do it again tonight. It all started here in MSG, and tonight it all ends here as well. This one always stuck out for me too, just because of the different location.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Booker T. vs. Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance vs. Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade

Van Dam and Booker are defending (with their pretty terrible mashup theme) and this is one fall to a finish. Dupree and Van Dam start things off with a monkey flip sending Dupree flying. Booker beats up La Resistance but it’s off to Bubba for the hard lockup. A neckbreaker drops Booker for two and the snap jabs put him down again. D-Von comes in so Van Dam takes him down with a top rope kick to the face, showing that he too is a filthy cheater by coming in without a tag.

Jindrak tags himself in to stomp away on Booker and it’s Dupree coming back in to drive Booker into the corner. Conway cranks on both arms with a knee in Booker’s back for far too long until a spinebuster breaks things up. The hot tag brings in Van Dam to clean house but D-Von shoves him off the top to break up the Five Star. Everything breaks down and Cade saves Booker from the 3D. Booker kicks Conway down and the Five Star retains the titles at 7:54.

Rating: C-. This is one of the most “yeah whatever” matches I can remember in a long time. There were too many people involved and it was only so good because of all of the people running around. Also, why are you using a minute of an eight minute match on a rest hold? You have eight people involved but we spent that long on Conway pulling Booker’s arms? Really?

Coach goes to find Undertaker and is told there are some “freakish noises” coming from a door. He heads to the door, which is being knocked back and forth. Gene Okerlund, pulling his clothes come back on, comes out, followed by Bobby Heenan, whose shirt is undone. Coach wonders what is going on, but Heenan says they were playing poker. Heenan: “He was dealing.” Coach wants to know what was going on in there, so here are Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young, who grab Gene and Heenan and drag them back in. Heenan: “No I don’t want to go back! I haven’t been well!” This still gets me every time.

We recap Christian vs. Chris Jericho. They used to be best friends and made a bet about who could be more, ahem, successful with Lita and Trish Stratus respectively. Lita kind of went away, but Jericho started to fall for Trish. She found out about the bet and yelled at Jericho, who then tried to win her back. Christian turned on Jericho to get him to be the old Jericho again, setting up the match. This was a really detailed story and I’ve always liked it for telling a coherent story throughout. You don’t get that often and it was one of the best of the era.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian

They fight over a lockup to start and go into the corner, with Christian shoving him instead of giving a clean break. Jericho punches him in the face and starts throwing knees to take over, setting up the running elbow. A kick to the face and a backdrop to the floor keep Christian in trouble and Jericho hits a bit dive to take him down again. Back in and Christian manages to belly to back suplex him to the floor to take over for the first time.

The neck crank goes on back inside, followed by a chinlock with a knee in Jericho’s back. A spinwheel kick gives Christian two and it’s time to slap Jericho in the face a few times. That earns him a head to head collision though and they’re both down. The slugout goes to Jericho and he hits the running crotch attack to the back in the ropes. The step up enziguri gives Jericho two but Christian reverses a rollup into one of his own, with a grab of the rope getting two.

Jericho’s bulldog sets up the Lionsault to Christian’s raised knees and a reverse tornado DDT gives Christian two of his own. Jericho is right back up with his swinging sleeper drop but he gets tossed off the top, banging up his knee in the process. Christian’s high crossbody is rolled through so he kicks Jericho in the knee. The Texas Cloverleaf goes on for a bit until Jericho reverses into the Walls.

Christian is in the ropes almost immediately and he rolls outside….with Jericho holding on and keeping the Walls on outside. Back in and a butterfly superplex gives Jericho two and here is Trish Stratus to slap the apron. An implant DDT gives Christian two, which draws Trish up to the apron. Christian shoves her down so Jericho sends him outside. Trish elbows Jericho in the face (it’s unclear if she could see who it was) and Christian’s rollup with tights is enough for the pin at 14:44.

Rating: B. This got going once it became a regular match and these two have more than enough talent to make a longer match work. Christian certainly needed the win more than Jericho here, as it was a big boost in probably his biggest singles win ever. Jericho winning here ends the feud so having Christian move up is the right way to go. Good match too, and that really shouldn’t be surprising.

Post match Trish is upset and apologizes to Jericho. Christian comes back but Trish turns on Jericho and slaps him on the face, setting up the Unprettier. Evil Trish leaves with Christian and we get the semi-famous kiss on the stage in the next big step for both of them.

Mick Foley is fired up to be back in Madison Square Garden and needs to get in that mindset to put all of this anger and emotion on Evolution. The Rock interrupts and is VERY fired up, saying he has finally come back…..home. After telling Lilian Garcia not to look at the People’s package (which she does), Rock steals the cameraman to come with him and sees Hurricane and Rosey, Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco and then goes all the way into the arena for a shot of the crowd. They’re ready for Evolution and it’s weird seeing Rock and Foley as these two big serious guys going up against evil.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

No recap video here, but it’s basically Foley fighting Randy Orton and the two of them both have major backup. Rock and Foley clear the ring to start before Rock and Flair settle things down, giving the New York fans a crazy dream match. A shoulder puts Flair down and Rock busts out a strut, with Flair coming back up for a WOO. The chops don’t do Flair any good and Rock hits a backdrop to send him rolling outside.

Foley follows him out and drops Flair with a clothesline before coming in himself. That sends Orton bailing to the floor so Foley is right there to send him into the announcers’ table. Back in and Rock takes over on Orton (there’s a dream match we never got), but has to punch Flair and Batista off the apron. The distraction is enough for Batista to come in and take over, allowing Flair to hit some more effective chops. We get the big strut and Flair goes up top and….oh you know the deal.

Batista comes back in before Rock can bring in Foley but the tag brings in Foley a few seconds later anyway. Foley fights out of the corner and hammers Batista down but that huge Batista clothesline cuts his down. Some double teaming on the floor has Foley in more trouble and there’s the big whip to send him knees first into the steps (taking that bump so many times explains so much about why Foley walks that way).

Back in and Foley and Flair slug it out until Orton can come in and pull at Foley’s hair for a reverse chinlock. Batista adds some clotheslines but Foley slips in a quick Mandible Claw. In a smarter move than you would expect from a musclehead like this version of Batista, he waves Orton in for the save instead of getting in more trouble. Flair comes back in and gets forearmed in the face, allowing the really easy tag back to Rock. House is cleaned but Batista cuts him off with a spinebuster.

That lets Flair….load up the People’s Elbow (complete with throwing an invisible elbow pad), but again he takes too long, allowing Rock to nip up and really clean house. The spinebuster plants Flair, setting up a People’s Elbow, complete with strut, for a delayed two. There’s the Rock Bottom to Orton with Flair making the save.

Flair grabs a chair but the distraction lets the Batista Bomb hit Rock to give Orton two (in the same way Batista helped Orton beat Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series 2003). The real hot tag brings in Foley to clean house but the Mandible Claw takes too long (theme of the match) and Orton grabs an RKO for the pin at 17:55.

Rating: B+. The more I see this match, the more I like it, as you have Rock and Flair doing everything they could to steal the show and Foley going after Orton every chance he could. Batista was in there with the muscle and it made for a great showcase. It was every bit the big moment that they were shooting for and it made me want to see a bunch of these combinations again. That wouldn’t happen for the most part, but dang they made this one work really well, as the match itself was a backdrop to just doing entertaining stuff, leaving the crowd completely in their hands.

Hall of Fame video recap, featuring Heenan’s “I wish Monsoon was here”, which will get me every single time.

The Hall of Fame class is introduced by Gene Okerlund:

Bobby Heenan (still playing to the crowd as only he can)
Tito Santana (about as perfect of a midcarder as you could have)
Big John Studd (represented by his son)
Harley Race (yep, though billing him as The King is a bit odd)
Pete Rose (booed, but apparently very grateful for the honor so points for that)
Don Muraco (I could go for more of him, as you don’t see him brought up very often)
Greg Valentine (who looks like he is ready for Wrestlemania IV)
Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter)
Billy Graham (there’s an influential one)
Sgt. Slaughter (with the salutes)
Jesse Ventura (I could listen to that voice talk about anything, as long as he jabs McMahon)

This was the first class in almost ten years and it is a heck of a group, though no one really stands out as a headliner.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Playboy Evening Gown match, as Jackie and Stacy are jealous of the other two for being in the magazine. Hold on though as Sable wants to start minus the evening gowns. That’s exactly what we do, with commentary reacting exactly as you would expect them to. Jackie won’t drop her gown so it gets ripped off of her to start fast. Sable kicks at Jackie’s ribs in the corner and Torrie comes in with a high crossbody.

Stacy comes in (taking her time to come over the ropes) and throws in a cartwheel. The Kevin Nash choke in the corner doesn’t do Stacy much good so they go to the pinfall reversal sequence for various camera shots. Stacy’s kick to the face gets two on Torrie before it’s back to Jackie. The referee gets rolled over and it’s Torrie reversing a rollup for the pin on Jackie at 2:32. This is exactly what you would have expected it to be.

Fans have come from various states and countries for the show.

WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero says he has Chris Benoit’s back win or lose, but Benoit doesn’t like the word lose. Eddie says no one believes in him but Benoit says he believes in himself and tonight is his night. That’s what Eddie wanted to hear.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (with his dad) is defending and will enter last in the ten person gauntlet. Everyone gets their entrance (with Ultimo Dragon’s two slips edited out, thankfully) and it’s Shannon Moore in at #1 and Ultimo Dragon in at #2. Dragon works on the arm to start but Moore shoulders him down for….well not much really. Back up and Moore misses a Whisper in the Wind, allowing Dragon to hit his standing Sliced Bread for the elimination at 1:19.

Jamie Noble is in at #3 to jump Dragon from behind with a clothesline for two. Dragon is right back with his alternating kicks for two but he has to bail out of a moonsault. A neckbreaker drops Dragon and a guillotine choke finishes him off at 2:17 (total). Funaki is in at #4 and hits a high crossbody but Noble rolls through for the pin at 2:27.

Nunzio is in at #5 as commentary brings up SD Jones getting pinned in nine seconds at Wrestlemania. Some quick rollups give Nunzio two but Noble sends him outside for the HUGE flip dive off the top. They take turns pulling each other off the apron until Noble gets the countout elimination at 4:20.

Billy Kidman is in at #6 to jump Noble from behind (again with the filthy cheaters) and Nunzio pulls Noble to the floor. Instead of standing around, Kidman hits a crazy top rope shooting star onto the two of them for the almost terrifying landing. Thankfully Kidman is able to throw Noble back inside for two but has to fight out of the guillotine. An enziguri sets up the shooting star press, but Kidman has to fight Noble off. That’s fine enough, as the super BK Bomb gets rid of Noble at 6:12.

Rey Mysterio (as the Flash) is in at #7 and the top rope seated senton connects, only to have Kidman blast him with a dropkick. Mysterio hits his own dropkick to send Kidman outside but Akio snaps Rey’s throat across the top. Kidman’s spinebuster gets two so he puts Rey on top, only to get pulled down with a sunset bomb for the elimination at 7:30.

It’s Tajiri in at #8 to kick away at Mysterio and the Tarantula makes it worse. That doesn’t last long (just shy of five seconds oddly enough) and it’s the 619 to rock Tajiri. The springboard….something misses though and Tajiri loads up the mist, which hits an interfering Akio by mistake.

Rey grabs a rollup to get rid of Tajiri at 8:39 and apparently the mist means Akio can’t go, so Chavo is in at #10 to complete the field. Tajiri cheap shots Rey so Chavo gets two but Rey fights up and takes Chavo Sr. down. The running flip dive takes out Sr. again (well that seemed excessive) so Jr. grabs a rollup, with Sr. grabbing his hands to retain the title at 10:31.

Rating: C. This was the next match in the “well, here are a bunch of people” series of matches on the show. I’ve never gotten the logic of these matches as you have people getting falls in a minute when usual matches take five times as long as one elimination here. At the same time, Chavo just keeps the title, making this quite the uninteresting showcase, save for Kidman’s big spots.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. They talked trash to each other at the Royal Rumble and then Lesnar interfered in said Rumble to help eliminate Goldberg. Then Goldberg cost Lesnar the WWE Title so we have this match, with Steve Austin as guest referee. As a result, the feud wound up being Lesnar vs. Austin, as Austin gave Goldberg the idea to help cost Lesnar the title. Then Lesnar stole Austin’s ATV and Goldberg was just kind of there too. Oh and both Goldberg and Lesnar are leaving after the show and everyone knows about it.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Steve Austin is guest referee. Lesnar and Goldberg do their big entrances and we immediately hit the YOU SOLD OUT chants (pick your target). They stare at each other for almost a minute and Austin tells them to go at it. Now it’s the Goodbye Song as I try to get my mind around the idea of Lesnar having a tiny goatee coming in. They stare at each other some more as commentary talks about Lesnar going to the NFL.

There’s no contact for the first two minutes so Austin stares at both of them as he figures out that this is going to be a long night. They finally lock up after about 2:50 and that stays on for nearly 40 seconds with both of them letting go. They fight over another lockup, and by fight I mean they’re standing there with their arms around each other’s heads. Fans: “THIS MATCH SUCKS!”

Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first offensive move about five minutes in. They trade shoulders with neither going anywhere so they go nose to nose to yell at each other. The double shoulder puts them both down and then stare at each other a bit. Goldberg FINALLY picks him up in a gorilla press for a spinebuster but the spear only hits buckle. After a GOLDBERG SUCKS chant, Lesnar throws him back inside for some suplexes and a standing choke as Lawler desperately tries to turn this into a Raw vs. Smackdown thing.

That goes on for a long time as well until Goldberg fights out and they collide again, earning some straight booing. Goldberg fights up again and hits some clotheslines into a swinging neckbreaker. The spear gets two so Goldberg yells at Austin, allowing Lesnar to come back with the F5 for two. Now it’s Lesnar yelling at Austin, meaning he misses a spear of his own. Goldberg hits the spear and the Jackhammer gets rid of Lesnar for about eight years.

Rating: D-. Of course the match is terrible and a form of torture in 14 states, but there is some kind of perverse entertainment out of the whole thing. This wasn’t designed to be an entertaining match but rather two guys just messing around until they did a few things and called it a match. It’s an all time mess, but it’s a bit different than a match being a wreck just because it isn’t any good. This one is so bad that it’s fun in a way, which is a very different thing.

Post match we get beer and Stunners as the fans are pleased with Austin for knocking out those two after that match.

Wrestlemania XXI is in Los Angeles.

In a very nice moment, Vince McMahon comes out to thank the fans for being there for twenty years of Wrestlemania. This is the kind of genuine feeling moment that you do not get in modern WWE and it was kind of sweet.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA vs. Too Cool

Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi) are defending and again it’s one fall to a finish. Benjamin jumps Bradshaw to start and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. Doug Basham tags himself in and suplexes Benjamin down for two, with Haas having to make the save. Back up and Benjamin slams Doug onto Haas’ knee and it’s off to Scotty to run Haas over.

That lets Scotty stop to dance but he gets thrown over the top. Scotty is fine enough to skin the cat but Haas catches him on his shoulders, allowing Benjamin to hit the running jump onto his back. The Bashams come in and hit a double suplex on Scotty to take over as the heat segment in the second four way Tag Team Title match on a four and a half hour show continues.

Scotty finally flips out of a belly to back suplex and the hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house. Haas takes the Stinkface and Bradshaw fall away slams Doug over the top and onto a pile on the floor. The Clothesline From Bradshaw hits Danny but Rikishi takes Bradshaw out and sits on Danny to retain at 6:03.

Rating: D+. It was about the same as the first four way, but this would probably be the first match that needed to be cut to trim some of the time off this very long show. Rikishi and Scotty are another on the long list of forgotten teams to hold the titles and it isn’t like this was anything memorable either.

Dancing ensues post match.

Edge is coming back after over a year away with a neck injury.

Here is Jesse Ventura to interview someone so he picks…..Donald Trump, who happens to be in the front row. Jesse plugs the Apprentice and suggests that he is going to run for President, even asking for Trump’s financial and moral support. Sure, and we’ll move on as fast as we can.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Victoria is defending and this is title vs. hair, which was the only way they could get this match on the show so the two of them immediately agreed. Molly forearms her down to start and hits a running hip attack in the corner. Back up and Victoria spins out of a wristlock and Molly needs an early breather. She gets back in and grabs a snap suplex for two on Victoria, setting up a basement dropkick for two more.

The neck crank is on as Lawler goes into a discussion of Molly’s underwear. JR: “What does that have to do with this wrestling match?” Victoria fights up and hits a powerslam for two as JR wants some hot tea. Molly is sat on top and comes back with a sunset bomb for two of her own. For some reason Molly tries the Widow’s Peak (Victoria’s finisher) but Victoria reverses into a rollup to retain at 4:54.

Rating: C. They were victims of the time problems again here as there is only so much you can do in less than five minutes. The good thing is that the two of them are talented enough to make something out of nothing so the match was certainly watchable, even if it was more about setting up the post match stuff. It’s literally a case of this being the best WWE could give them though and that is better than just cutting the match.

Post match Molly tries to run away but gets sleepered out and tied in the chair for the big hair cut.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Title. Angle attacked Eddie because he didn’t want a former drug addict as the WWE Champion (the future would not be kind to this story for Angle). Therefore, it is time for a real hero to take the title but Eddie isn’t standing for this. Smackdown General Manager Paul Heyman has gotten in on Angle’s side and has helped him destroy Eddie more than once, including once when Eddie’s hands were handcuffed behind his back. Now it’s time for revenge.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Eddie is defending and the haircut is continuing as Angle makes his entrance. They start slowly with Eddie actually taking him down but making the mistake of trying to go amateur with him. Angle’s headlock takeover works rather well but Eddie as we get the LET’S GO ANGLE/ANGLE SUCKS chants. Eddie gets a fireman’s carry takeover but Angle flips over into a front facelock without much trouble.

A backdrop gets Eddie out of trouble and he armdrags Angle over into an armbar, setting in the frustration. Angle fights up and gets an abdominal stretch to stretch Eddie’s abdominals before hitting a German suplex. The second is escaped and Eddie winds up on the apron, where he has to block the German suplex to the floor. A dropkick puts Angle down but Eddie’s big dive only hits the barricade to bang up his ribs even more.

Some shoulders to the ribs set up a bodyscissors but Eddie jawbreaks his way to freedom. That lasts for all of two seconds as Angle drops the ribs across the top rope and snaps off an overhead belly to belly. Now it’s a waistlock to stay on the ribs and another belly to belly gives Angle another two. Eddie manages a quick knockdown though and goes up for the frog splash, which only hits mat.

The frustrated Angle starts throwing right hands, which just fire Eddie up enough to start his comeback. The rolling German suplexes cut that off in a hurry but the Angle Slam is countered into an armdrag. Two Amigos connect until Angle picks the ankle but Eddie kicks him off immediately. Eddie goes up but Angle is right there with the run up the ropes belly to belly superplex for the big crash back down.

Angle runs him over again though and the straps come down, setting up the Angle Slam. Eddie breaks that up as well and it’s a DDT to set up the frog splash for a rather close two. The ankle lock goes on again so Eddie rolls him outside and starts untying his boot to loosen the pressure. Back in and the angry Angle grabs the ankle lock, only to have Eddie kick him away and lose his boot. Angle is so stunned that he gets small packaged to retain Eddie’s title at 21:33.

Rating: A-. This was more about the psychology as Angle was hyper focused and Eddie eventually suckered him in with the boot. It made for a great finish, but it also came after an awesome match with Angle taking Eddie apart as only he could and Eddie having to survive. The ending was a very Eddie way to retain the title and that grin is hard to turn down. Absolutely a Wrestlemania match and an instant classic that doesn’t get the credit it deserves.

We recap Undertaker vs. Kane in the return of the Dead Man. Kane had turned on Undertaker and buried him alive (again) because he thought Undertaker was going soft. Then the gong went off at the Royal Rumble and Kane realized he was in trouble. Now Undertaker is back and it’s time for some revenge.

Kane vs. Undertaker

It’s the first time the Dead Man has been back since 1999 and Paul Bearer is right there with him. We also have torch bearing druids, because you always need torch bearing druids. Kane is already panicked and shouts that Undertaker isn’t real, because somehow Kane still doesn’t get how Undertaker works. Undertaker finally starts punching away against the ropes and they head to the floor for a slugout. That goes to Undertaker, who hits the apron legdrop to stun Kane again.

Back in and Kane kicks him in the face and it turns into a slugout on the mat for a change. The side slam plants Undertaker again, setting up the top rope clothesline for two. Undertaker fights right back with more right hands and tries Old School, which is pulled out of the air by the throat. The chokeslam plants Undertaker but Kane poses instead of covering. Undertaker sits up and stares at Kane mid pose, meaning it’s time for the real beating. Right hands, the chokeslam and the Tombstone finish Kane to make it 12-0 at 6:55.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t about the match but rather Undertaker being back, so there was no reason to believe that Kane was any serious threat. What mattered here was having Undertaker get back in the ring and destroy Kane because he is back in a big way. Kane was the designated victim here, which has been the case for him so many times now that he should be used to it.

We recap HHH defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit. Michaels and HHH went to a draw at the Royal Rumble so HHH retained the title. Then Benoit jumped to Raw and said he wanted the Raw World Title. The contract signing was set but Shawn ran in to interrupt, saying he needed that one more shot. He took out Benoit and signed the contract, because WWE continues to not get how contracts work. Steve Austin then made the match a triple threat, with Shawn being the most wedged in challenger of all time.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

HHH is defending in his weird white boots look. We go old school with the weapons check before Benoit sends HHH outside to start. That leaves Benoit to miss a backslide and Crossface on Shawn, who grabs a rollup for two. A northern lights suplex gives Benoit two but HHH is back in. Shawn has to skin the cat to get back inside, where he tosses Benoit out instead.

HHH is set outside as well, where he and Benoit are taken down by a baseball slide. Shawn’s big moonsault to the floor puts everyone down for a change until Benoit is left alone on the outside. The Pedigree is broken up by a returning Benoit, who fires off knees to Shawn’s ribs and sends him into the post. Shawn is fine enough to come back and tie Benoit in the Tree of Woe but HHH cuts Shawn off again.

The flying forearms drops HHH and Shawn nips up, only to have Benoit toss him outside. Benoit loads up the Swan Dive but gets crotched by Shawn, who misses Sweet Chin Music to HHH. A DDT sends Shawn outside and a superplex gets six (which is somehow not three) on Benoit. The Crossface goes on out of nowhere so Shawn has to dive in for the save. That earns Shawn some rolling German suplexes into a Swan Dive for a rather close two as HHH is still down.

Now it’s Shawn making the comeback and hammering on Benoit, who gets sent outside. HHH gets superkicked for two with Benoit making the save so everyone goes outside. Shawn gets posted and busted open so Benoit puts on the Crossface, with HHH having to grab the hand to block the tap. HHH sends Benoit into the steps and loads up the announcers’ table (it wouldn’t be Wrestlemania without it), with Shawn helping on a double suplex to put Benoit through said table.

NOW we get the big HHH vs. Shawn slugout, because that’s what the two of them probably wanted this to be the whole time. Shawn whips HHH over the corner for the crash to the floor, with HHH coming up bleeding. Back in and Shawn slowly gets the better of things but a quick Pedigree takes him down.

Benoit has to come back in for the save before sending Shawn outside. The Sharpshooter has HHH in trouble so Shawn breaks it up with the superkick for a delayed two. Benoit sends him outside and reverses the Pedigree into the Crossface. HHH can’t get the rope and Benoit rolls into the middle of the ring for the tap and the title at 24:08.

Rating: A+. Yes it’s still a masterpiece with nothing close to a misstep or weak part and that is not something you get to see very often. All three worked hard and at the end of the day, Benoit won clean over HHH via submission in the middle of the ring. This felt like the main event of a milestone show and it was an incredible match which has not gotten old every time I have seen it. That is hard to do and it certainly deserves the honor.

Benoit gets the HUGE celebration with the confetti falling. Eddie Guerrero comes in for the shot that is now iconic for all the wrong reasons and JR’s voice gives out with the shouting to end the show.

Well almost, as we get the highlight reel to really wrap it up.

Overall Rating: B. In case it wasn’t clear throughout, there are more than a few matches on this show that feel like they are there for the sake of getting people on the card. If you get rid of those matches, this is an all time classic, as well as having the show be under four hours. The rest of the show is pretty much an all timer (Goldberg vs. Lesnar aside) with the matches either feeling important or being great. Just trim it down and stop cramming things in and it’s that much better. It’s absolutely worth a look if you have seen it before or not, but have the fast forward button ready.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C-

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B-
2018 Redo: B
2022 Redo: B

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B+

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2018 Redo: N/A
2022 Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F
2013 Redo: E
2015 Redo: F
2018 Redo: F
2022 Redo: D-

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D-
2022 Redo: D+

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2015 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A
2022 Redo: A-

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D+
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A+
2018 Redo: A+
2022 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: A-
2018 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B

I think we’ve found about the definitive ratings for this one, or at least as close as you’re going to get after five looks at it.

 

 

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Souled Out 1997
Date: January 25, 1997
Location: Five Seasons Center, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 5,120
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Ted DiBiase

Here we have something different, as it’s an NWO pay per view. This was one of the bigger ideas that they had from WCW at this point and to say it go well would be a huge understatement. The main event is Hollywood Hogan defending the World Title against the Giant, which should be a layup of a match if there ever was one. Let’s get to it.

Also of note: this show was on a Saturday to make it feel different.

Finally of note: there are all kinds of segments throughout the show featuring the Miss NWO pageant. These, and pretty much everything else between the matches, are missing from the broadcast on the WCW YouTube channel, likely out of good taste. That cuts off nearly half an hour or so from the show.

We see a bunch of trucks, both equipment and garbage, driving to the show (with a Taco Bell sign in the background). For some reasons Syxx is running behind one of the trucks until the NWO eventually arrives at the arena. They promise to change the industry, as they’ve done multiple times.

The real opening video is the NWO bragging about how awesome they are and promising to take over.

Eric Bischoff is at a podium on the stage, sitting over a steep set of steps towards the ring, and we have a house band. At least it’s kind of different. Hollywood Hogan, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash pop up on the screen to welcome us to the show.

Commentary sits down and we’re finally ready to go.

Chris Jericho (WCW) vs. Masahiro Chono (NWO)

The ring announcer does a bunch of funny anecdotes for the entrances, with Jericho (no music, ala the rest of the WCW wrestlers tonight) being described as “from somewhere north of the border), while Chono (with music) gets praise and a full entrance. Jericho gets shoved away off a lockup and is accused of a hair pull. Chono knocks him to the floor as some WCW wrestlers (mainly tag teams and Arn Anderson) show up to watch from the crowd).

Back in and Jericho suplexes his way out of a test of strength but gets caught in a cobra clutch legsweep. Chono’s top rope shoulder drops Jericho again and they go outside so Chono can keep up the beating. They get back inside where Chono takes out the leg but Jericho manages an enziguri. Naturally Bischoff is there to explain what kind of a kick it is, because he absolutely cares.

Chono is right back on the leg but Jericho manages a jumping elbow to the face. A bridging German suplex gets a rather slow two but Chono atomic drops him down. It’s time for a table (rather thin one at that), which of course takes way too long, allowing Jericho to hit a dropkick. Chono puts a foot on the rope for the save so Jericho goes up top, where Chono kicks him off and through the table (with a good crunch sound). Back in and the Mafia Kick finishes for Chono at 11:10.

Rating: C+. Chono was a nice addition to the NWO to make it fee like a bigger deal internationally, though he only did so much in WCW. Jericho was starting to turn into a more reliable star at this point, which would get a heck of a lot better when he turned heel. For now though, he was a good hand and that’s a better role than the nothing he was doing earlier.

There are women here for the Miss NWO pageant. This means women sitting on motorcycles and we see various women who sent in resumes and photos.

We go to Jeff Katz, who asks the women various questions, which are of course rather suggestive. After two of them, it’s off to the next match.

Hugh Morrus (WCW) vs. Big Bubba Rogers (NWO)

This is a Mexican Death Match and Morrus has Jimmy Hart with him. Apparently DiBiase is the reason the WCW stars don’t have music, which does make sense. Bubba shoves him into the corner as we have no actual explanation of the rules. Morrus knocks him back down and gets yelled at by Nick Patrick (who is refereeing every match tonight), allowing Bubba to get in a low blow.

Bischoff calls it boxing skills but doesn’t seem thrilled when Morrus clotheslines Bubba over the top. Even Hart gets in a few kicks (Bischoff: “The human cartoon character.”) but Morrus’ charge is cut off by a chain to the face. Back up and Bubba whips him with a the chain (ow) so Morrus takes it away and knocks Bubba silly. The middle rope moonsault connects and Patrick starts to count, as apparently this is Last Man Standing.

The ten count takes forever of course so Morrus yells at Patrick, allowing Bubba to get back up. Morrus knocks Bubba down again for another slow count and Bubba is up to slug him down. This lets Bischoff talk about the card, which is cut off as Morrus gets up and hits a low blow of his own. Morrus takes him up the ramp but misses the moonsault off the steps (which would have been totally off anyway). Rather than do anything to him, Bubba gets on a motorcycle and runs Morrus over for the ten count at 9:05.

Rating: D+. This was slow and not that interesting, but what were you expecting from these two? Morrus was better as a brawler, but there was only so much you could do with such a punny name. Bubba was the same guy he had been for years, meaning he was completely fine but firmly stuck in the lower midcard. In addition, save for the ending, there was pretty much no need for this to be a death match.

Katz asks more suggestive questions and the women have pretty much nothing to say.

We look at the NWO website, which is as 1997 as you can get.

Jeff Jarrett (WCW) vs. Mr. Wallstreet (NWO)

It’s like Razor Ramon’s least interesting Intercontinental Title challengers fighting each other. Wallstreet bails to the ropes to start so Jarrett takes him into the corner, where Patrick breaks up a right hand. A hiptoss puts Wallstreet down and Jarrett’ high crossbody gets a slow two. Wallstreet gets faceplanted down and choked on the ropes…which sets up the running crotch attack, only for Patrick to shove Wallstreet out of the way.

Jarrett gets dropped throat first onto the barricade as we see Debra McMichael in the crowd and looking worried. A whip sends Jarrett over the barricade and since it’s a Wallstreet match, he just throws Jarrett back inside. The sleeper doesn’t last long as Debra is trying to get Steve McMichael to come help Jarrett. Another sleeper, this time from Jarrett, is broken up by Patrick and Wallstreet kicks him down to take over again.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Jarrett fights up for a suplex. Jarrett starts in on the leg and grabs the Figure Four, with Patrick dragging him over to the ropes for the break. Jarrett’s abdominal stretch with a grab of the ropes is broken up by Patrick so Wallstreet grabs the same thing. That’s enough for Steve to come in and BLAST Wallstreet with the briefcase. A threat to Patrick makes him count the pin for Jarrett at 9:25.

Rating: D+. It’s a bad sign when the most interesting thing is a briefcase shot to the back, but that’s what you had here. This is a good (or I guess bad) example of two people who are technically sound but JUST SO FREAKING BORING. They’re both talented wrestlers but good grief they were just having a dry match with the one concept (the cheating referee) being used over and over. In other words, this belonged on a Nitro when they needed to fill time, not this pay per view.

More women, this time the senior division, who can’t hear the questions.

The band plays a song about the NWO.

Buff Bagwell (NWO) vs. Scotty Riggs (WCW)

The American Males…oh these two could never explode so we’ll say run into each other for not much of a reaction. Riggs jumps him before the bell, with Bischoff swearing fines will be levied. Bagwell gets knocked outside and Patrick has to calm Riggs down as we’re already in the stalling. Back in and Bagwell’s headlock doesn’t last long as Riggs is back with a dropkick, followed by the right hands on the mat. A belly to belly drops Bagwell, who comes up with a slap to the face’s face.

The first gear continues with an exchange of hiptoss attempts and Bagwell crashing out to the floor. Riggs adds a dive of his own but Bagwell fights back again because Riggs isn’t very good. As the PA announcer calls Riggs a loser, Bagwell brings him back inside to stomp away. A clothesline gets some twos, with Bagwell complaining about the speed of the count for a change.

Bagwell makes Riggs do the clap, followed by a powerbomb (not something you often see Bagwell do) for a rather delayed two. Bagwell’s tights come down to warrant some censoring and we hit the reverse chinlock, with Bagwell’s legs over Riggs’ arms for some reason. We pause for hip swiveling as Bagwell continues to prove that he’s no Rick Rude. The reverse chinlock goes on as this show somehow gets even duller. Even commentary points out that the fans are getting bored and Riggs reversing a suplex into a small package doesn’t help.

An enziguri puts Bagwell down but they hit stereo crossbodies, because a double down is EXACTLY what this needed. Bagwell’s neckbreaker is countered into a backslide for two and Riggs powerbombs him for the same. Commentary seems worried that Bagwell is having trouble beating Riggs, because, you know, IT’S SCOTTY RIGGS. Bagwell is taken up top but knocks him down, setting up “that new move”, which would become known as the Blockbuster. That and a grab of the tights is enough to end Riggs at 13:53.

Rating: D-. The Blockbuster alone is pretty much the only thing keeping this from being a failure, because WOW they could not have had a worse match if they tried. The thing is, the match isn’t even terrible, but good grief who is supposed to care about these two fighting? The American Males were a lower midcard team who had a fluke Tag Team Title reign. It’s proof that just throwing an NWO shirt on someone doesn’t make them more interesting and having someone feud with the NWO doesn’t make them a star. Terribly uninteresting stuff here on a show that is dying for a hot match.

Bagwell actually gets pyro after the match and dances with the contestants.

Katz does the same thing he’s done all night.

The NWO has a hotline. No Gene Okerlund though.

Diamond Dallas Page (WCW) vs. Scott Norton (NWO)

This is just after Page turned down the NWO, launching him into the biggest run of his career. Norton powers him down to start (as you might expect), with the PA guy calling Page a loser. A running shoulder doesn’t work for Page either so he takes a breather on the floor. Back in and Page grabs a headlock takeover for some needed grinding.

Back up and Page shrugs off some chops, allowing him to hit the Pancake (basically a Neutralizer), only to get blasted with a clothesline. We pause though as Sting pops up in the crowd but Norton ignores him to hit the shoulderbreaker, with Page rolling outside. Norton stays on the arm so Patrick asks Page if he wants to give up. Page say no, so Patrick says “it’s your shoulder”.

One heck of a crash on the floor has Page’s arm banged up even worse but he avoids a sitdown splash back inside. Page slugs away and hits a nice looking top rope clothesline for two, followed by the running tornado DDT. Cue the NWO lackeys, who want Page to join the team (again). Page puts on the shirt, pulls Norton into the Diamond Cutter, commentary freaks out, and Page runs for the countout at 9:49.

Rating: C-. The match itself wasn’t great, but what mattered here was Page looking like someone willing to stand up to the NWO. He looked clever and outsmarted the villains, which made Page stand out after months of WCW looking like idiots. That’s one of the reasons he became a star, along with his matches getting better. This wasn’t a classic, but after some of the other stuff on this show, it was glorious.

Katz interviews the women again, with one of them FINALLY getting the hint and getting suggestive herself. And that’s it.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers (WCW) vs. Outsiders (NWO)

The Steiners are challenging and this should pick things up a bit. Also, for the sake of simplicity, Scott Steiner is “Scott” and Scott Hall is “Hall”. The Outsiders are also the first NWO members to get the signature song rather than the B team song, which does fit. Scott and Hall start things off, with Scott backing him into the corner, earning the Hall spooky fingers (one of his greatest contributions to wrestling).

Hall is back with the driving shoulders so Scott fireman’s carries him down with ease. A pumphandle slam plants Hall and he gets tossed with an overhead belly to belly. Rick comes in to drop Nash and the Steiners hit their pose. Back in and Hall hammers away in the corner but gets slammed back out, with Bischoff actually going to regular commentary for a bit.

Rick’s crossbody is pulled out of the air with a fall away slam (ok that was nice) for two and we hit the armbar. That’s broken up so Scott comes in, with Hall immediately chokeslamming him. It’s off to Nash for the first time and you know that means things are going to slow down. Rick fights out and gets in his powerslam for a slow two as commentary ignores the match to talk about Hogan. As usual.

A running big boot knocks Rick outside, where Hall hits the clothesline to drop him again. Back in and we hit a variety of choking until Hall clotheslines him from the apron. Nash misses an elbow but Hall is right back in to hammer away. Rick gets dropped face first onto the apron as this is just so slow. Both Outsiders hit side slams, with Nash’s getting two. The running crotch attack hits the back of Rick’s neck but Scott goes over to deck an interfering Hall.

Back in and Nash spits at Scott, which distracts Patrick enough so that Rick can get in a low blow. Scott comes in to clean house, including a Saito suplex to Nash (even Bischoff is impressed). The super DDT is loaded up but Nash makes the save, allowing Hall to Outsider’s Edge Scott. The ref is bumped though and Rick hits the top rope bulldog. There’s no Patrick, so WCW referee Randy Anderson jumps the barricade and counts the pin on Hall at 14:41.

Rating: D+. The ending picked things up a bit, but this was a lot of Rick getting beaten up and there was pretty much nothing else to see here. On the good end, it was nice to see something that actually felt important. Having a title match on the show did help, even if the screwy ending has all the signs of something not counting.

Commentary complains about the title change. And no, of course it didn’t count and the Outsiders got the titles back on Nitro.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero (WCW) vs. Syxx (NWO)

Guerrero is defending in a ladder match after Syxx stole the physical belt. Guerrero jumps him while the belt is being raised, which makes the annoyed commentators even angrier. Syxx kicks him in the face and strikes away in the ropes but gets knocked outside. The big dive connects for Guerrero, which has DiBiase worried (which has me wondering how a DiBiase vs. Guerrero match could have gone).

Back in and Syxx cuts off a charge in the corner, allowing a middle rope spinwheel kick to drop Guerrero. Syxx knocks him into the corner for the Bronco Buster as Bischoff says Syxx is a REAL karate guy, unlike those Hollywood actors. Back up and Guerrero flips over him for a dropkick as Bischoff keeps talking about martial arts. Syxx suplexes him to the floor in a nasty crash, thankfully getting Bischoff’s attention for a bit.

A running flip dive to the floor takes Guerrero down again and it’s time for the first ladder. Syxx hits him with the ladder and goes up, only for Guerrero to teeter totter the ladder into his face. That sets up a slingshot…uh, stomp to the ribs, but it keeps Syxx down. Guerrero gets whipped hard into the ladder in the corner and Syxx drops him with a suplex, meaning it’s time to climb. The ladder being in the corner makes it a bit of a waste of time but Syxx knocks him off and goes up again.

That takes too long as well, allowing Guerrero to dropkick him onto the top for a crotching. Guerrero goes up but Syxx climbs up and jumps up for a dropkick (Bischoff: “Inverted jump side kick!” Yeah it might have been a one legged kick but it looked enough like a dropkick.) for the big crash back down. Guerrero gets knocked off the top again, only to crash into the ladder and send Syxx down as well. They both go up this time and the belt is pulled down, with Guerrero hitting him in the head to get the win (Patrick’s over the top freaking out helps) at 13:51.

Rating: B. Easily the match of the night here, which helps when you have two incredibly talented stars getting to go out there and showcase themselves. It started slowly but then turned into the two of them doing the big spots that make these matches work. If nothing else, it was nice to see WCW getting a win that actually lasted, as the NWO dominated so much of the show in the early going. Good match here, with Guerrero getting to prove how great he can be. Again.

Guerrero goes through the crowd to celebrate, with Bischoff saying he’s going to get the Tag Team Titles back, plus have a new belt made for Syxx.

We actually meet the finalists of the Miss NWO pageant, with each getting to walk around a bit, plus a bio graphic. This goes on for a good while, because we had some energy going with a good match and that has to be stopped cold. Bischoff gets to pick the winner and is happy with the idea that the women all paid for their own travel and they all have their own motorcycles. He thinks it’s a tie, so he asks them a question with the best answer winning. Granted we don’t actually hear the question or the answer, but a woman who kisses him gets the win. And yes she’s the oldest to complete the gag.

WCW World Title: The Giant (WCW) vs. Hollywood Hogan (NWO)

The Giant is challenging after winning World War III and getting mad at Hogan for saying he wouldn’t get the title shot, meaning he was off the team. The main thing I remember about this build is a promo of Giant holding a match and saying that like Hogan, it gave people some light and warmth for a bit, but just like Hogan, it was getting blown out. Anyway Hogan comes out with some Dallas Cowboys, because he’s a huge star, but they wanted to save a bunch of money on the Miss NWO pageant, because it’s a bit of a confusing story.

Hogan punches him, the PA voice says “the biggest icon in wrestling”, and they circle each other a bit. The chops put Hogan on the floor and the chase is on, but Hogan catches him coming in to hammer away (he’s being more aggressive than usual here). Back up and they hit a double clothesline to put both of them down and Giant is up first. Giant kicks away in the corner before doing the same thing on the floor. Hogan slugs away back inside and tries….a running small package? I think it was supposed to be a crossbody but Hogan couldn’t get up so it just looked bad instead.

Hogan gets knocked outside and fires off some powder, with Patrick not really caring, to take over again. Some choking with a belt has Giant in more trouble but he’s able to come back with a backbreaker. For some reason the Giant goes up top but misses an elbow to give Hogan two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by the slam and legdrop. Rather than covering though, Hogan poses and Giant pops up, leaving commentary freaking out.

There’s the chokeslam so Patrick says he’s up at two, despite Hogan not moving. They then do the same thing two more times in a row so Giant chokeslams Patrick. Bischoff runs to the ring with a guitar (sure) as Giant chokeslams the NWO goons. Hogan is back up with the guitar to Giant’s back and the Outsiders are here too. The fans want Sting but get the big beatdown and spray painting as we’ll say it’s thrown out at 11:00.

Rating: D-. Hogan was actually a bit energetic to start but the running small package (not something I thought I’d say, especially for this match) and everything else was rather terrible. That’s including the ending, which was basically “oh well, here’s the NWO to end the NWO show with the NWO referee and the NWO ring and EVERYTHING NWO.” Hogan and Giant could have a passable match and they came close at times here, but never mind as it was the standard ending, as always.

The NWO celebrates. A lot. For a long time. Too long really. The show ends.

Overall Rating: F. And that’s where the NWO stopped being cool. The problem here should be pretty clear: the NWO worked, but you need ANYTHING else. This was over two and a half hours of “the NWO cheats, the matches are terrible, the NWO stands tall”. You had Guerrero retaining but not getting a pin, the Steiners getting the most obvious Dusty Finish title change and Hogan doing the same thing in another main event.

The NWO standing tall and dominating everything often came at the end of Nitro, but that came at the end of a show featuring a bunch of different matches and things going on. Instead, we had it going on all night with the NWO making fun of everyone and one dull match after another. The wrestling here made you realize how useless the non-top members of the team really are. Bagwell, Wallstreet and Rogers were having one uninteresting, unimportant match after another and it made me wonder when something good was going to happen.

The problem is that something never came, as it was all about the NWO. It’s the biggest story in WCW, but there had to be something else to carry the show. Otherwise, you realize that it’s just a bunch of people filling in time until Hogan, the Outsiders and Syxx can get out there and do something that actually matters. Instead we had Riggs vs. Bagwell for thirteen minutes to kill some of our brain cells. This was horrible, but even worse it was just boring, and that’s not even counting the unfunny pageant stuff. All time disaster of a show here and the NWO would be around for a LONG time to come.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Must-See Matches Under 5 Minutes
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Terry Taylor, Michael Cole, Al Snow, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Rich Brennan, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Corey Graves, Alex Riley, Art Donovan, Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage

As usual, the name says it all and in this case, we should be in for something fun. There are some very good matches which didn’t get much time and I’m curious to see what they’ve found here. The video itself isn’t very long, but in this case that isn’t going to matter as it’s all about packing in content. Let’s get to it.

From Sunday Night Heat, February 28, 1999.

Undertaker vs. Kurrgan

Their respective stables are here too. Undertaker ducks a big right hand to start and slugs away, followed by the jumping clothesline. Kurrgan gets rocked in the corner and it’s a pretty good chokeslam to put him down for the (one boot on the chest) pin at 45 seconds. Well, that was certainly different.

From Velocity, June 8, 2002.

Test vs. Randy Orton

Orton had only debuted about a month and a half before this and Test jumps him to start fast. Test stomps away in the corner and Orton is sent outside. Back in and a dropkick sends Test outside for a change, only for him to come back in with a hard clothesline. A big running elbow misses though and Orton gets to fight back with a DDT giving him a breather.

The high crossbody gives Orton two but Test grabs the pumphandle slam for the same. Test misses the big boot and walks into the Overdrive, which only gets two because it’s that terrible of a finisher. Back up and the Test Drive (basically Cross Rhodes) finishes Orton off at 4:00.

Rating: C. This felt like it was on there for the sake of showcasing a young Orton, as the match is nothing of note. Test was getting built up to be fed to Brock Lesnar at this point, which puts him in pretty good company. It’s still weird to see Orton as a nobody, but the pieces were there to turn him into something, which worked out fairly well.

From Monday Nitro, December 29, 1997.

Cruiserweight Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

Guerrero is defending and jumps Dragon in the aisle. They get inside with Dragon getting powerbombed but managing to escape something off the top. The super hurricanrana is countered but Guerrero tries another powerbomb, which is reversed into the Dragon Sleeper to give Dragon the title at 1:27. That was a nice surprise.

From Royal Rumble 2000.

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

This is Tazz’s surprise debut after weeks of vignettes. Angle tries to jump him to start fast but gets backdropped out to the floor. They go to the aisle (painted by a street) with Angle hitting a suplex to take over. A running forearm gives Angle two back inside and he goes up top, where Tazz crotches him down. The belly to belly superplex gets the pin…but Angle’s foot is on the rope. A bridging German suplex gives Angle two more but Tazz starts snapping off the suplexes. The Tazmission finishes Angle at 3:15.

Rating: C+. It was energetic, but there was something off about this one. You would expect Tazz to get a dominant win but instead he was beaten up for most of the match. At the same time, beating Angle (first time that had happened) was a big deal and Tazz looked good enough. The problem was that the Radicalz were coming and Chris Jericho and Angle were brand new. That’s not leaving Tazz much room to be the suplex guy and it didn’t work out too well. I mean save for the 20+ year broadcasting career that is.

From NXT Takeover: R-Evolution.

Kevin Owens vs. CJ Parker

This is Owens’ debut and believe it or not, he’s popular. The bell rings and Owens jumps him in the corner with a running clothesline. The Cannonball connects, Owens breaks up Parker’s sign (he cared about the environment) and Parker is sent outside for the running flip dive, giving Owens one of the best opening minutes in WWE history.

It showed you exactly what you could get out of him and made you want to see what was coming next. That’s not bad. Back in and Parker’s left hand and kick to the head actually have Owens down. The palm strike gives Parker two and Owens (bleeding from the eye) grabs a pumphandle backbreaker. The pop up powerbomb finishes for Owens at 3:15.

Rating: B. This still works, as Owens came off like an absolute star right out of the blocks. He ran through Parker and that is what should have happened, as Owens is instantly a player. They let him go out there and wreck someone who wasn’t going to be hurt by a loss and had just enough status for it to matter. Good enough squash, awesome debut.

From King Of The Ring 1994.

King Of The Ring Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Well this is the gold standard of this kind of match. The Kid is coming in injured but is going anyway, with Hart dropkicking him through the ropes before the bell. A suicide dive mostly overshoots Kid but it’s enough contact for Hart to send him back inside. The top rope splash gives Hart two but Kid is right back with a spinning high crossbody for two of his own.

A rollup gives Kid two and he grabs the arm, meaning it’s time to trade spinning escapes. Kid kicks him down, only for Hart to come back with the enziguri for two. The northern lights suplex gives Kid two more, with Savage not believing that Hart made the rope. Hart is sent outside for another dive but he’s right back in with a bridging German suplex for two. They trade rollups for two each until Hart powerbombs him into the Sharpshooter and the win at 3:37.

Rating: A-. These guys felt like they were being given a chance to do whatever they want and that’s exactly what happened. They beat each other up and had the fans believing that the Kid could pull it off. It’s the match a lot of people think of when they think of great stuff in short order and it more than holds up all these decades later.

From WWE Speed, March 5, 2025.

Speed Title #1 Contenders Tournament Semifinals: Yoshiki Inamura vs. Ivar

They trade shoulders to start and slug it out, with the fans rather approving. An exchange of German suplexes goes to Inamura for two and he strikes away in the corner. Ivar is right back with a spinwheel kick for two but Inamura’s spinning slam (that took some effort) gets the same. Ivar crushes him out of the corner but gets caught up top. That’s fine with Ivar, who hits a super World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:22. That was a hoss fight.

Overall Rating: B. This was a good case of “exactly as advertised” and it was a lot of fun. As usual with the WWE Vault, it was a nice mixture of stuff you probably remember along with some stuff you probably haven’t thought of in a long time. It was quick and to the point, which is exactly how the collection should have gone. Good stuff here.

 

 

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Survivor Series 2004
Date: November 14, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is an interesting show as the two big matches are a match where the impact comes over the next four weeks and another where there is little more than bragging rights on the line. The build for this show hasn’t been the strongest, though a lot of that is due to the changes taking place in the company. There are some fresh talents coming in and they’re still finding their footing, so it should be interesting to see where this show takes us. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look back at the show’s history, which means about five of the seventeen shows get a look. The video talks about trust and how only the strong will survive. Fair enough, though I’d have rather had more of the historical stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. It’s a brawl to start with Rey taking a shot to the ribs and Chavo getting double teamed in the corner. Kidman doesn’t waste time in dropkicking Spike to the floor and here’s Spike to clothesline Kidman to the other side of the floor. That leave Rey to sunset flip Chavo for two and armdrag him outside. Spike replaces Chavo and stomps Rey down in the corner as Chavo comes back in.

A double clothesline puts Spike and Chavo down at the same time, leaving Rey to hurricanrana Kidman off the apron. Chavo picks Rey up and throws him into a seated senton Kidman, setting up a dive onto both of them. Spike’s dive just hits floor in a nasty crash but he’s fine enough to run back in and break up Chavo’s belly to back on Kidman. Rey gets whipped hard into the corner, leaving the other three to set up a Tower of Doom with Spike getting the worst.

Kidman was just the electric chair so he BK Bombs Rey but gets posted by Chavo. Spike’s running headbutt to the ribs puts Chavo down, only to have Rey come back with a 619 to the champ. Kidman breaks up the West Coast Pop and drops a slingshot legdrop on Chavo. Rey takes Kidman to the floor though, allowing Spike to pin Chavo to retain.

Rating: C+. Pretty good choice for an opener here with Rey and Chavo handling the dives and a Tower of Doom before it was a cliché. Spike retaining the title isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world but I think I could go for that over another Rey or Chavo reign. Kidman has already fallen off a lot and at the moment there isn’t another better option.

Gene Snitsky comes up to Heidenreich to compliment his poetry. Heidenreich likes what Snitsky does to babies. An uncomfortable amount of grunting ensues.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin

Christian, now with Just Close Your Eyes for theme music and with Tyson Tomko in his corner, is challenging. Shelton goes with a hammerlock to start and Christian bails to the ropes to avoid the wrestling on the mat. Back up and Shelton blasts him with a shoulder to show off some power for a change. Christian is already frustrated and slaps the champ in the face before sending him over the ropes.

The cat is skinned and Shelton hits a springboard Blockbuster (looked like it was supposed to be a clothesline but he rotated too far) for two. For some reason that wakes Christian up even more and he hammers away in the corner. Shelton sticks the landing on a monkey flip and threatens Christian to the floor with a superkick, leaving the announcers to discuss the origins of the Oklahoma roll. A Tomko distraction lets Christian kick him into the barricade and the angry Christian pounds away.

The neckbreaker gets two and we hit the chinlock to stay on Shelton’s neck. Shelton gets thrown outside with someone’s elbow pad flying onto the announcers’ table in the process. Back in and Christian’s reverse tornado DDT gets two but Shelton reverses a whip to send Christian chest first into the buckle. A Jackknife rollup gets two and a reverse slingshot suplex (not quite a fisherman’s JR) is good for the same on Christian.

Shelton misses the Stinger Splash though and it’s an inverted DDT to give Christian two of his own. With nothing else working, Tomko slides the title in and even though it hits the referee in the foot, he doesn’t actually notice. It doesn’t work for Christian, who gets the title tossed, only to have Tomko kick Shelton in the face for two. Back up and Christian tries the Unprettier, which is countered into a quick exploder to retain the title.

Rating: B. This is a good example of a difficulty of five but an execution of ten. They went with a simple story but did it so well that it was easy to get behind as you wanted to see the more athletic champion overcome the cheating and retain. It’s a story that you can get into in a single viewing and Shelton played his role very well. Good match and I could go for another one.

Kurt Angle doesn’t like how Edge portrayed him in his book. He did like the chapter on Edge winning the World Title….or at least he would have if there had been one. Edge laughs it off because his team will win tonight and he’ll get a title shot. Angle goes off for his match but Eugene comes in to list off Angle’s resume and sing YOU SUCK.

Wrestlemania Recall: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero

Kurt Angle, Carlito, Mark Jindrak, Luther Reigns

Eddie Guerrero, John Cena, Big Show, Rob Van Dam

Cena charges to the ring to chase Carlito off and beats Jesus up the aisle. Carlito keeps running and Cena shouts about Carlito sending his guys to stab him. With Jesus getting in a cheap shot, Carlito and Jesus jump into a car and run away. Everyone else gets in a fight on the floor and we get the opening bell, meaning Carlito is eliminated due to running away (in other words, he was injured).

We officially start with Show chopping Jindrak in the corner and handing it off to Van Dam for a spinning kick to the face. Rolling Thunder gives Eddie two and the headscissors/armdrag combination puts Jindrak and Reigns down. Angle comes in and punches Guerrero down before handing it back to Reigns for a backbreaker into a side slam. Jindrak’s full nelson is countered with a trip into the buckle but Kurt dives over to break up the hot tag attempt.

The chinlock goes on and switches into a front facelock before it’s back to Jindrak for more entry level offense. Actually hang on as he throws in a hip swivel in between the elbows. Eddie finally gets up and brings Rob in to punch Angle. Jindrak tries to save Angle from the Five Star but takes it instead, allowing Kurt to roll Rob up with the ropes for the elimination. Eddie is right back with a rollup in the ropes to get rid of Jindrak (with a fast count) to make it 3-2.

Big Show comes in to face Angle, who bails out so Reigns can do it instead. Reigns finally goes after the big bandage on the ankle, meaning it’s all of five extra seconds before the chokeslam can get rid of him. That leaves Angle by himself so he grabs the ankle lock, which is countered to send him into the aisle. Angle tries to leave but runs into Rob, who sends him backing up the aisle….and right into Show, with Angle reaching up and finding the very tall head to realize how much trouble he’s in. Back in and the FU into the frog splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: D. I was having flashbacks to the Hulkamaniacs vs. the Million Dollar Team from 1989 as the faces were never in serious trouble. There was almost no doubt after just a few minutes because Jindrak and Reigns were the lamest of goons against a bunch of top stars. They never did anything beyond stomps and slams and it wasn’t exactly believable that they could be a threat. There was no drama here and it showed badly.

Maven doesn’t like the suggestion that he doesn’t belong in the main event…and gets jumped by Snitsky. The beatdown is on and Maven is left bloody.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. I’d go into the details here but Heidenreich is the definition of a monster for Undertaker to slay. There have been a lot of them over the years but Heidenreich is one of the lowest of the low. He tried to crush Undertaker with a car, which worked as well as you might have expected. Then he read poetry and seemed to sexually assault Michael Cole. Do I need to continue the explanation?

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Undertaker punches him into the corner to start and the referee wisely bails out to the floor. There’s a big boot to put Heidenreich down and Undertaker sends the arm into the corner. Some pulls on the arm look to set up Old School but Heyman offers a distraction so Heidenreich can break it up with a low blow.

Undertaker gets crotched against the post, which Cole thinks may be a kink in his armor. They head outside with Undertaker taking over off the shots to the ribs and the elbows on the apron. The apron legdrop completes the standard sequence and now Old School can connect. A Downward Spiral has Heidenreich in more trouble but the running boot in the corner misses.

Undertaker gets knocked off the apron so Heidenreich can hammer away against the barricade for two back inside. The chinlock goes on for a bit until a clothesline gives Heidenreich two more. Undertaker gets in a suplex and it’s time for the slugout. The clothesline takes Heidenreich down and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot.

Right hands get Heidenreich out of the chokeslam and a Boss Man Slam gives him two. The punches in the corner are countered into a weak Last Ride with Heidenreich grabbing the rope for the break. Undertaker slams his way out of a sleeper in a hurry and now the chokeslam connects. The Tombstone finally finishes Heidenreich off.

Rating: D. This was far worse than bad as it was really, really boring. Heidenreich had nothing that felt like a threat to Undertaker and the match itself was much longer than it needed to be at about sixteen minutes. The villains continue to be weak on Smackdown with Undertaker dispatching this goon without much serious trouble, as he should have done.

Eric Bischoff says Maven may not be wrestling tonight and since there is so little time left, Bischoff won’t be naming a replacement. His vacation is too valuable to listen to HHH’s complaints about a replacement.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Lita. Trish mocked Lita for getting pregnant by Kane and referred to her as the Kiss of Death for destroying so many careers over the years. Lita lost the baby thanks to Snitsky but Trish wouldn’t shut up, with some of the best heel promos the women’s division has ever seen. Lita wants to kill her and if she wins the title as well, so be it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish is defending and starts by hiding in the corner. That’s fine with Lita who slugs away and heads outside where a chair shots DQ’s Lita at just over a minute.

Post match Lita stays on her as Trish’s nose is busted.

Theodore Long comes in to see Team Guerrero and asks if he can talk to Cena alone. Show takes off his towel and Cena is a little disturbed. Long has some good news for him: Cena gets his US Title shot this week on Smackdown.

We recap JBL vs. Booker T. Booker earned the title shot by winning a title shot and the rest of the feud has been built around JBL’s lackey Orlando Jordan vs. interviewer Josh Matthews, because this feud doesn’t have the strongest legs.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T.

JBL is defending and will leave Smackdown if he loses. Feeling out process to start with JBL shouting that this isn’t WCW. Some right hands have JBL in trouble so he hits Booker in the back of the head to take over. Booker’s clothesline doesn’t do him much good as a swinging neckbreaker gives the champ two. A much better clothesline sends JBL outside, though he’s fine enough to poke Booker in the eye.

They fight over the announcers’ table and it’s Jordan getting a cheap shot in from behind. We hit the cobra clutch on Booker, followed by some elbow drops for two. And now, just to mix it up a bit, we hit the chinlock. With that broken up, JBL heads up top and gets superplexed right back down. They head outside with a Book End dropping JBL again though Jordan keeps it on the floor.

JBL and Jordan both get taken out and it’s Booker’s missile dropkick for tow back inside. The Houston Hangover misses but Booker is right back with more kicks to the face. Another Jordan distraction lets JBL get two off a DDT….and the ref gets bumped. It’s Jordan coming in again and this time bringing in a chair. Cue Josh Matthews to take the chair away but JBL kicks him in the face. Booker gets in his own kicks but the second referee takes his time diving in for two, allowing Jordan to make the save. The Book End hits Jordan but JBL hits Booker with the title to retain.

Rating: D. Back to back overly long matches from the blue show with JBL and Jordan being as dull of a combination as you can get. The JBL title reign has lost what little charm it had thanks to the Jordan addition, as the guy isn’t adding anything and was the focal point of this feud, despite being that bad. Booker was trying but he needs something better than this reheated HHH/Ric Flair formula.

Evolution has a pep talk before the main event. HHH leaves and Batista talks about wanting to have his night running Raw. The seeds are being planted.

We recap the Raw elimination tag. Bischoff is tired of being in charge so he’s taking a month off. Therefore, the winning team gets to run Raw a week at a time for a month. They have all made it clear that if they win, they’re coming for the World Title, which is about as logical as you can get. The problem though is there’s little reason to watch this show because it’s all about the next four weeks.

Team HHH vs. Team Orton

HHH, Batista, Gene Snitsky, Edge

Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven

There’s no Maven to start and Ric Flair is at ringside to make it 5-3. Benoit gets aggressive with Edge in the corner to start and elbows him in the face to take over. That’s enough to bring in Snitsky and Orton, which is quite the strange looking showdown. Their slugout doesn’t last long and it’s off to Jericho vs. HHH to keep up the alternating matchups. Orton is right back in to hammer on HHH with Flair panicking about HHH taking such a beating.

The jumping knee to the face gets HHH out of trouble and it’s Batista hitting his powerslam for two. Edge comes in and gets sent into the corner, allowing the quick tag to Benoit, who beats up everyone in short order. The rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble and Benoit suplexes Edge onto him. A double Swan Dive gets two with Snitsky having to make a save.

The Sharpshooter has HHH In trouble but Snitsky makes another save. That’s enough for HHH to hit a quick Pedigree so Edge can pin Benoit for the first elimination. Jericho comes in next and gets taken down by a neckbreaker but HHH and Snitsky gets in a shouting match. HHH gets shoved down so Batista comes in to go nose to nose with Snitsky. Batista realizes what’s going on and breaks up the Walls on HHH.

Flair gets caught breaking up the Walls again and that means an ejection. With the referee taking care of Flair, Batista blasts Jericho and Orton with a double clothesline. Orton breaks up the big clothesline to Jericho with a belt shot and it’s a running enziguri to eliminate Batista. That’s not it for Batista to leave in peace though so he blasts Jericho with the big clothesline and then heads out. Snitsky comes in for stomping and choking instead of covering because he’s new at this. It’s off to Edge, who gets taken down with a sleeper drop but Snitsky breaks up the hot tag attempt. Everything breaks down again but here’s a bandaged up Maven to come in and go after Snitsky.

Maven’s middle rope bulldog takes HHH down but Snitsky caves his head in with a chair shot that would get him tossed out of the building today. Here it’s just a DQ, though HHH pins Maven with no trouble a second later. We’re down to HHH/Edge vs. Orton/Jericho with Jericho slipping out of the Pedigree but getting speared down for two. HHH and Edge smile down at Orton, who says bring it on.

The double stomping is on with Edge stomping away and handing it off to HHH, with JR losing his mind that Edge won’t get out of the ring. HHH’s DDT gets two and he argues with the referee, allowing Orton to roll him up for two. Edge comes in and accidentally spears HHH to give Orton the easy pin. We’re down to HHH vs. Orton with the former starting fast with a low blow. Orton gets up again and counters the Pedigree into the RKO for the pin. The Orton vs. HHH part was barely a minute and a half long.

Rating: B-. Perfectly watchable match here with Snitsky still being protected and Maven still being Maven. Other than that they’ve done a good job of making Orton look like a threat to the title, but the two Canadians are just kind of there with little reason to believe that they’re going to be a threat t o the title. That leaves us waiting until probably the Royal Rumble for a new challenger, meaning it’s time for winter vacation without missing any time from the show.

Orton poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a really weird one as it contains a lot of perfectly watchable to good wrestling, but absolutely nothing that changes anything long term. The main event stipulation lasts a grand total of four episodes of Monday Night Raw, and while that might change something, there’s no guarantee that any of this could actually matter. The Smackdown stuff was even less important with the two main matches being long and dull, leaving us with no one to challenge JBL at the moment.

Overall, the show is a rather quick sit (only a little over two and a half hours) with nothing too bad (boring, but not terrible). It could have been worse, but the biggest problem is how nothing actually matters in the end. Like I said, they’re in a big transitional period right now and while they probably have long term goals in mind, this is a rather hard stretch to get through because the villains feel like placeholders, which is the case with most of the stories at the moment. It can get better, but we have some long stretches to get through first.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Best Of Perry Saturn
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Terry Taylor, Jonathan Coachman, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This would fall into the “well ok then” category as who in the world was expecting a special look at Perry Saturn? He was never a big star in WWE, or really anywhere for that matter, though that doesn’t make him any less talented. I’m curious to see what kinds of highlights we’re getting here, as some of this stuff could be quite interesting. Let’s get to it.

Quick opening sequence.

From Barely Legal.

ECW Tag Team Titles: Eliminators vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are defending and we get the big entrance from Joel Gertner. The bell rings and Sign Guy Dudley tries to come in with some cheap shots. That earns him Total Elimination so the regular Dudleys are in, with Bubba powerbombing Kronus. D-Von’s top rope headbutt gets two and a splash (which the camera misses) connecting for the same. A Boss Man Slam plants Saturn but the 3D is broken up. The Eliminators are up with their usual collection of kicks as Saturn keeps having to tell Kronus where to go.

Stereo spinning top rope splashes hit the Dudleys and they roll outside, where they are knocked off the apron for a bonus. Kronus hits a big running flip dive to take the Dudleys down again, followed by a springboard spinwheel kick to D-Von back inside. Bubba is back in as well and you can tell there is something wrong (he broke his ankle somewhere in there). Saturn’s top rope elbow hits Bubba and D-Von is struck down. The fans chant for Saturn until Kronus hits a 450 on D-Von. Total Elimination to Bubba gives the Eliminators the titles at 6:31.

Rating: C+. The more I watch of the Eliminators, the clearer it becomes that Kronus did not have much. You could see Saturn having to tell him where to go and what to do, as Kronus was basically just a bunch of flips and dives with nothing in between. That being said, this was a good choice for an opener, as the hated Dudleys lose to give the fans a fun moment to start the show.

From Monday Nitro, November 3, 1997.

WCW TV Title: Saturn vs. Disco Inferno

Saturn is challenging in his WCW debut (save for a match on Saturday Night). Inferno jumps him to start fast and of course stops to dance. That lets Saturn trap the arms for a belly to belly and a hammerlock belly to belly. Saturn stays on the arm with some cranking and a spinning kick drops Inferno again. Another suplex sets up a Fujiwara armbar as the fans are distracted by something in the crowd. Inferno manages a shot of his own, only to get caught in a tiger suplex. The Rings Of Saturn gives us a new champion at 6:37.

Rating: C. Total squash from Saturn here, as Inferno’s early offense got him nowhere and his comeback lasted all of five seconds. Saturn completely dismantled Inferno and that’s exactly what this match should have been. Inferno was never presented as a serious champion so Saturn should have been able to run through him like this.

Post match the Flock celebrates by beating up Stevie Richards (a member of the team).

From Monday Nitro, February 23, 1998.

Saturn vs. Yuji Nagata

Sonny Onoo is here with Nagata. Saturn grinds away on a headlock to start as commentary talks about him losing the TV Title to Booker T. They go to the mat with neither getting very far so Nagata takes over with a series of kicks to the chest. A dragon suplex gets Saturn out of trouble but Nagata gives him an exploder for two of his own.

Nagata starts in on the leg and, after shrugging off a right hand, cranks on the leg even harder. A kneebar goes on as commentary talks about Rick Martel’s knee being wrecked last night at SuperBrawl (which is a shame as it cut off an amazing comeback). Saturn comes back with a hot shot and a suplex for two but Nagata gets in a Saito suplex. The Nagata Lock (standing Figure Four) goes on but Saturn slips out and pulls him into the Rings for the submission at 6:35.

Rating: C+. I’ve never quite gotten the appeal of Nagata but this was good enough. They beat each other up with a style of match that was pretty far ahead of its time. This was a bunch of suplexes and strikes, which felt like it belonged in 2018 rather than 1998. Saturn did well with this style, which shouldn’t be a surprise given what he was usually doing. Nice match here.

From Spring Stampede 1998.

Saturn vs. Goldberg

Dang those WCW pay per view sets were awesome. Goldberg sends him flying to start and it’s off to an early kneebar. Billy Kidman makes a quick save so Goldberg throws him onto Saturn. Back in and Saturn sweeps the leg into a springboard spinning legdrop. A middle rope elbow gets one but Goldberg is right back with his swinging neckbreaker. Goldberg picks him up for a gorilla press World’s Strongest Slam but Saturn gets in a suplex.

They go outside where Saturn sends him into the steps, snaps off a hurricanrana and then gets in a posting. An Asai moonsault almost goes horribly wrong as Saturn slips and almost falls down hard, with Goldberg thankfully there to catch him. Back in and a top rope spinwheel kick drops Goldberg for a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Goldberg hits a side slam but, after a bit of miscommunication, charges into a dropkick.

Back up and Goldberg hits a superkick (Bret Hart scoffs), followed by the spear. Kidman offers a distraction though and Saturn gets in a low blow. Saturn tries to take him up and gets super gorilla press slammed down (that looked great). Cue the Flock to swarm Goldberg, who shrugs it off and spears Kidman. The Rings go on but Goldberg powers him up into a fireman’s carry and then the Jackhammer for the pin at 8:02.

Rating: B-. What you had here was a good example of Saturn understanding the assignment. Goldberg was already set for a US Title shot the next night on Nitro (which he would of course win) so it wasn’t like there was any real drama about Saturn ending the Streak. Instead, this was about making Goldberg work for a win and look like a superhero, which Saturn could certainly do. Goldberg was still incredibly green at this point and Saturn was right there to walk him through the whole thing. Good stuff here.

From Monday Nitro, June 1, 1998.

Saturn/Raven vs. Public Enemy

Saturn suplexes Grunge to start and hands it off to Raven, who kicks away twice and then tags right back out. Rock comes in for a double elbow, followed by a drop toehold into a legdrop to the back of the head. Saturn gets knocked down again and a top rope elbow/side slam combination connects for two. Rock misses a moonsault though and Raven tags himself in, only to hit Saturn….by mistake? I think? It’s not entirely clear, but Saturn gets in Raven’s face.

Grunge clotheslines both of them down and Rock adds a flip dive to the floor. Back in and an assisted Swanton hits Saturn and Raven is put on a table for a running Swanton, with the table not breaking. Rock isn’t happy with that and does it AGAIN, with Raven landing on a mostly broken table. A chair is brought in but Grunge is sent into it, setting up the Death Valley Driver from Saturn. Raven is back in though and steals the pin at 6:44.

Rating: C+. You were probably expecting a sloppy brawl here and….well kind of as it came pretty close. Instead though, this was mainly about Raven and Saturn having issues, which worked out rather well. Saturn continues to look like the ready to break out star and that should be a great sign for his future. Raven is holding that back and that won’t work out well for him in the long term.

From Fall Brawl 1998.

Saturn vs. Raven

Anything goes and if Saturn wins, the Flock is free but if Raven wins, Saturn has to be his servant for the rest of his career. Kanyon is also handcuffed at ringside and is not happy. Saturn is now in trunks rather than jean shorts and it makes him look like a bigger star. Before the match, Raven calls Saturn an embarrassment while Saturn says Raven has no honor.

Raven starts fast with a hot shot but Saturn sends him into the corner. A knockdown sets up a top rope splash to give Saturn two and he knocks Raven into the barricade. Lodi tries to help Raven up but Saturn dives onto both of them for the big crash. Saturn gets sent into the barricade though and Lodi gets in some shots to put him in trouble again. Some middle rope elbows give Raven two and he grabs the sleeper, with Saturn jawbreaking his way to freedom.

A Russian legsweep gives Raven two but he drops down onto Saturn’s raised knees for a low blow. Saturn can’t fight back though and gets drop toeholded into an open chair. Cue Kidman for a save with Horace chasing him off. The Death Valley Driver gets a delayed two thanks to a Lodi distraction and Saturn fires off some clotheslines. The springboard spinning legdrop gets two and the Rings go on, with Lodi having to make a save.

Saturn beats them both up but the referee goes down, allowing Kanyon to pick his pocket. Kanyon unlocks himself and gives Saturn a Downward Spiral before being smart enough to handcuff himself again. Saturn kicks out of the very delayed cover and the fans are VERY pleased. Saturn’s Death Valley Driver sends Lodi through a table at ringside (that looked great) but the Even Flow connects….for two. A quick Death Valley Driver gives Saturn the win at 14:04.

Rating: B. This might be the peak of Saturn’s time in wrestling, as he gets to beat Raven to disband the Flock while overcoming the odds in the process. The fans were WAY behind what Saturn was doing here, with the reactions to those kickouts telling you everything you needed to know. It was a heck of a match and the culmination of a big story, which is more than we’ve seen thus far.

From Monday Nitro, January 25, 1999.

Saturn vs. Norman Smiley

Ok then. Saturn is in a dress (it was a thing for him, as I guess he was getting too over) and knocks him down to start fast. A running shoulder drops Smiley and Saturn grinds away on a headlock. Smiley fights out and gets in a shot of his own and teases the Big Wiggle, only to get elbowed in the face. A quick powerslam gives Smiley two and we hit the chinlock as we take a break.

We come back with Smiley suplexing him down and adding the swinging slam out of the corner. A butterfly suplex gives Smiley two and he turns Saturn inside out with a clothesline. Saturn knocks him down, only to have a Vader Bomb hit raised knees. A delayed vertical suplex gets two on Saturn and Smiley, after adjusting the dress, gets in the Big Wiggle. Saturn is back with a superkick and top rope knee before doing his own version of the Big Wiggle, which gets quite the reaction. The Death Valley Driver finishes Smiley at 10:47.

Rating: C+. And this is where the frustration sets in. Just a few months after Saturn beat Raven for the big moment, here he is in a nothing match with comedy wrestler Norman Smiley. Commentary spent a good chunk of the match making jokes about the dress, and what else were you expecting? WCW took a hot star and turned him into a joke, probably because he was getting to a level where they didn’t want him. That’s one of the many reasons WCW isn’t around today.

From Judgment Day 2000.

WWF European Title: Perry Saturn vs. Dean Malenko vs. Eddie Guerrero

Guerrero is defending and they start fast with Guerrero being sent into the corner. Saturn clotheslines Malenko down but gets dropped by Guerrero. A hurricanrana each takes both challengers down, followed by a tornado DDT to give Guerrero two. Malenko is back up with some running clotheslines, which gets commentary to stop oogling Chyna for a bit. Guerrero crotches Malenko on top but gets dropped with the super gutbuster.

Saturn sends Malenko outside and hits a nice frog splash for two on Guerrero with Malenko making the save. Saturn’s double belly to back suplex drops both of them before he goes outside…where Chyna hits him in the head with the bouquet of roses (including the lead pipe). Back in and Malenko cuts off a roses shot but Chyna trips him down, allowing Guerrero to get la majistral to retain at 7:57 (ignore Malenko’s shoulder being off the mat).

Rating: B-. They had to get the Radicalz in there somehow and they only had so many options that didn’t involve a certain someone. Saturn was getting in some good offense here but Guerrero retaining makes sense. Solid match here, and I’ll take that as the Radicalz entry on the collection.

From WWF Jakked, March 9, 2002.

Perry Saturn vs. Paul London

An early headlock takeover has Saturn down and London dropkicks him out to the floor. Saturn snaps London’s neck across the top rope to take over back inside. Some slow stomping lets Saturn keep him down for the big top rope elbow (which always looked great). Saturn goes up top again but get knocked out of the air, allowing London to get two off a Lionsault. The shooting star press misses though and a Death Valley Driver finishes London off at 6:58.

Rating: C. This was a really weird way to wrap it up, as I guess they were only interested in finishing with a Saturn win over a future name. The action wasn’t exactly great and you could tell that Saturn had been seriously demoted by this point. Still though, he got to do some of his signature stuff and it still looked good enough.

Overall Rating: C+. The frustrating thing about Saturn is that he was never given a real chance to get over as a big deal. Of course I wasn’t expecting him to be among the top names in either company, but he could work in the ring, had a unique look and had the fans behind him. Then he lost to a leaving Chris Jericho and was put in a dress, because that’s what you do with an up and coming star. Or eventually give him a mop as a best friend/love interest.

It’s a shame that he was the victim of such nonsense, as there was definitely potential to do something more. If nothing else, let him do that big elbow, as he made it look absolutely devastating. Either way, this was a very nice surprise on the Vault and I could go for seeing a lot more just like this with names that aren’t exactly top stars.

 

 

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Strangest Summerslam Matches
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield, Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan, Jim Ross, Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper, Corey Graves

This could be interesting as I’m curious to know what WWE considers “strange”. There have been some unique matches throughout Summerslam’s history, though I’m not sure what I would classify as strange. Either way, we could be going through quite a few years here and that sounds fun so let’s get to it.

From 2013.

Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

Ring Of Fire match, meaning…well what do you think it means? The idea here is that there are walls of flames that will pop up if someone tries to leave or if someone (namely the Wyatt Family, here with Bray) tries to get in. You win by pinfall or submission and this is Wyatt’s in-ring main roster debut. Got all that?

The bell rings and the flames go up, albeit just a few inches. That’s not very impressive, though the flames jumping up feet as Kane clotheslines Wyatt down works WAY better. Kane knocks him near the flames, sending Wyatt into the corner instead. Wyatt fights back but gets suplexed so the flames go up again. The running body block drops Kane as Lawler describes Wyatt as “Duck Dynasty meets Charles Manson”.

Wyatt starts shouting while stomping so Kane kicks him in the face. The side slam has the flames flying again but Wyatt gets in his own knockdown and requests a kendo stick. Said stick catches on fire so the firemen spray it down. The chokeslam plants Wyatt for no cover as Kane is distracted by the Family trying to get in. Another chokeslam drops Wyatt again but the Family puts a blanket over the flames and get inside, meaning the double teaming can begin. Sister Abigail finishes Kane at 7:49.

Rating: C. When the whole point of the match is “they can’t get in because of the fire” and then they figure out how to get around the fire in about seven minutes, it’s only so interesting. As was the case with so many ideas involving Wyatt, this was a fun concept that didn’t exactly work, mainly because it got way too simple once the bell rang. Kane was a good first opponent for Wyatt, but this could have been done a lot better.

From 1999.

Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock

Lion’s Den match, meaning in a small, round cage with weapons hanging from the sides. Blackman gets smart by using the nunchucks on Shamrock’s leg. Shamrock takes them away so Blackman sweeps the leg to take him down again. Back up and Shamrock pulls him into a cross armbreaker, which is broken up rather quickly.

Blackman rams him into the cage a few times and slowly hammers away before getting the kendo stick. Shamrock fights up with a belly to belly suplex and beats Blackman down with the stick for a change, including a nasty shot to the…well the shoulder but Shamrock was at least swinging for the head. Another shots to the head knocks Blackman silly for the win at 9:04.

Rating: C. I’ve never gotten much out of this, as it’s mainly just two guys hitting each other with weapons for about nine minutes. There’s only so much interest to be found in a match like this and the ending left something to be desired. It’s not a terrible match, but it’s another concept that really didn’t click.

From 2000.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero/Chyna vs. Val Venis/Trish Stratus

Venis and Stratus are defending and whomever gets the fall is the champion. Venis shoulders Guerrero down to start but gets caught with a northern lights suplex for two. Chyna comes in for a double flapjack and goes after Trish (to a ROAR) but Venis makes the save. Guerrero comes back in to glare at Trish, followed by a hurricanrana for two on Venis.

Back up and Venis grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb before the two of them ram heads for a double down. NOW Trish is willing to come in and cover Guerrero for two, but it’s off to Chyna and the fans approve. Venis has to pull Chyna down out of the corner but Guerrero pulls Venis to the floor. That leaves Trish alone with Chyna and it’s a gorilla to make Chyna the Intercontinental Champion at 7:13.

Rating: C+. I’ve seen this match a bunch of times over the years and it really does kind of work. It’s a match where the ending is fairly obvious but you’re left wondering how we’ll get there. The good thing is they didn’t screw it up, as Chyna gets to wreck Trish and win the title, which is how this should have gone. Fun stuff.

From 1993.

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Rest In Peace match, which basically means street fight. Harvey Wippleman is here with Gonzalez and has stolen the urn, shockingly enough, though there’s no Paul Bearer. Undertaker strikes away with the uppercuts to start but Gonzalez kicks him in the face. That means the situp, with Heenan wondering if that’s how Undertaker sits up in bed in the morning.

They go outside, where Gonzalez gets in a heck of a chair shot to put Undertaker down again. Undertaker slowly pulls himself up and they go back inside for more uppercuts, but Undertaker stops to go for the urn. That doesn’t work well…and here is Paul Bearer to one of the biggest reactions he’ll ever receive. Bearer actually takes out Wippleman and gets the urn back, with the fans rather approving. Undertaker fires off a bunch of clotheslines, with a top rope version finally putting Gonzalez away at 8:05.

Rating: D. I know I’m not exactly breaking any new ground with this, but Gonzalez was another kind of terrible. This was supposed to be some big special match and other than a chair shot, it might as well have been a regular match. It’s a good example of a star having nothing to work with and the results were definitely not pretty.

From 1992.

Rick Martel vs. Shawn Michaels

The deal here is neither can hit the other in the face as Sherri, who is at ringside, finds them both very attractive. The back of Sherri’s pants are missing and Vince loses his mind, as you might expect him to. Martel flips away from him to start and Michaels is frustrated early on. A dropkick puts Martel down but Michaels goes to say something to Sherri, allowing Martel to get in a cheap shot from behind.

Martel knocks him to the floor and stops to hug Sherri, who seems to approve. Back in and Martel backdrops him down but they’re done with this and start slapping each other…and Sherri faints. Vince thinks she had a heart attack and we pause for both of them to check on her, with Michaels hitting Martel in the face. They fight up the aisle (with Sherri looking up and then putting her head back down) for the double countout at 8:08.

Rating: B-. I’ve seen this match a few times now and the more I watch it, the more I find it kind of brilliant. It’s one of those matches that would only really work with these two or a very small select handful otherwise but dang if they didn’t knock it out of the part. Sherri made it even better and I had a great time with this again. The match isn’t even anything particularly outstanding, but the whole concept worked very well.

Michaels picks Sherri up and carries her to the back but Martel runs back down and decks Michaels, making him drop Sherri. Martel tries to take her back but gets knocked down as well, with Michaels taking her back. Then Martel comes out with a bucket of water and pours it over Sherri, causing Michaels to chase him to the back. Sherri storms after them and screams a lot. The post match stuff adds a lot to the whole story.

From 2008.

Intercontinental/Women’s Title: Kofi Kingston/Mickie James vs. Santino Marella/Beth Phoenix

Kingston and James are defending and this is winning team takes all. The women start things off with James kicking her down and hitting a basement dropkick as Marella is panicking. Phoenix backdrops her way out of trouble and it’s off to Marella, who gets monkey flipped.

Kingston comes in and sends Marella outside, where he jumps into Phoenix’s arms to avoid a dive. Back in and Marella goes to the eyes so Phoenix can come in to beat on Kingston. Marella’s snap suplex sets up a reverse chinlock but Kingston fights up in a hurry. It’s back to James to clean house but Phoenix gets in a shot from behind. The Glam Slam gives Phoenix the win and the titles at 5:42.

Rating: C. This is another one that I’ve seen a bunch of times over the years and it doesn’t quite work as well as the one from 2000. The problem here is it could have gone either way and that makes things a bit different. It’s also not as good of a match, as the Marella/Phoenix stuff is much more about comedy, which takes away some of its impact. Not bad at all though.

Marella does a huge over the top celebration and climbs onto Phoenix’s shoulders as they leave.

From 1991.

Big Boss Man vs. The Mountie

Jimmy Hart is with the Mountie and the loser spends the night in jail. After his always awesome entrance, Boss Man hits him in the face to start and gets two off a splash. Mountie goes to the eyes and heads up, only to be pulled out of the air for one heck of a spinebuster. The neck crank goes on so Hart offers a distraction, allowing Mountie to send Boss Man into the steps.

Back in and Mountie slowly hammers away as Heenan makes Andy Griffith references. An elbow puts Boss Man on the floor so Hart yells a lot, causing Monsoon to call him the best advertisement for birth control. Back in again and Mountie gets two off a piledriver, meaning it’s time for the shock stick. That’s kicked away though and Boss Man hits a Boss Man Slam for…two. Huh. One heck of an Alabama Slam finishes Mountie at 9:49.

Rating: C. The match itself isn’t the point here, though that Alabama Slam was awesome. What mattered here was the fun that you knew was coming, as again there was no reason to believe that the Boss Man would lose. At the end of the day, the Boss Man losing wouldn’t have led to anything entertaining, while Mountie going to jail writes itself. Not a great match, but the right story to tell.

Post match Mountie is immediately put in a police van….and somehow we don’t get the collection of stuff with Mountie going to jail later. Come on Vault. Be better than that.

From 2023.

Ronda Rousey vs. Shayna Baszler

This is MMA rules, which were never exactly specified coming in. The referee explains that you can only win by knockout or submission, which is quite the bit of information. Baszler won’t touch gloves and we’re ready to go. Baszler takes her down into a front facelock to start but gets wrestled down. Back up and Baszler starts kicking at the leg before a high kick to the head sends Rousey out to the floor.

Rousey staggers back in and Baszler starts in on the leg, allowing them to punch each other from the mat. Rousey gets up and manages a hard knee to the face to put Baszler down for a bit. Another shot sends Baszler into the corner and we pause for the medics to check on her, with Rousey wondering why the fight isn’t over. Rousey shoves the medics away and gets suplexed down by Baszler, who grabs the Kirifuda Clutch. That’s reversed into the cross armbreaker but Baszler escapes and gets the Kirifuda Clutch and Rousey is out at 7:26.

Rating: D+. Yeah this really didn’t work. Between not being clear on the rules and the execution being pretty bad on top of that, it just wasn’t a great idea. I definitely appreciate Rousey putting Baszler over on her way out, but whatever they were going for just did not work out that well. They would have been better off with a regular, hard hitting match as this came up short.

Overall Rating: C. I’m not sure what to make of a playlist like this, as there is no particular flow to it and nothing is connected, though that’s also not the point. This was about a bunch of random odd matches and that’s exactly what you got. They never said that the matches were good, and for the most part they really weren’t. Nothing on here really stands out as must see, but it has enough nostalgic value for a quick glance if you haven’t seen some of them in a minute.

 

 

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Summerslam 2005
Date: August 21, 2005
Location: MCI Center, Washington DC.
Attendance: 18,156
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big show here with a card that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. We have a huge main event between Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels, but after that it’s kind of a downgrade with Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero with a kid (symbolically) above the ring. The World Title matches see John Cena defending against Chris Jericho and JBL challenging Batista in a No Holds Barred match. Maybe they can make it work though so let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video looks at the big matches, which works a bit better. Granted that might be because it’s set to Remedy by Seether and I always liked that song. Shawn vs. Hogan gets its own section of the video, because nothing on this show comes close to it (fair enough).

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is defending and it’s a German suplex into the Crossface to make Benoit champion in 25 seconds. Now THAT is how you wake a crowd up while giving Jordan exactly what he deserved in Honky Tonk Man style.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Eddie and asks him to calm down. This isn’t about Dominic because it’s all about Eddie not being able to beat Rey. Eddie wants someone to carry on the Guerrero legacy and Vickie talks about him having a heart of gold. But there’s also an evil inside of him that won’t leave Rey alone. Eddie: “So now you don’t think I can beat Rey?” Eddie throws her out and reassures himself that he’ll win.

We recap Matt Hardy vs. Edge. Lita left Matt for Edge while Matt was hurt and then he was released. Matt invaded Raw a few times to get at Edge but then he was rehired and it was just Matt Hardy again. Tonight is the big fight.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

Hardy runs to the ring and starts the fight on the floor as it feels like Matt wants to kill him. They get inside with Matt hammering away and a loud HARDY chant. Matt grabs a rear naked choke but Edge gets to the ropes and then back outside. Back in and Edge hits a headbutt to put Matt on the ropes as the fans are all over Lita.

A spear through the ropes puts them back on the floor but Matt hammers away with right hands to the head. More right hands in the corner have Edge in trouble so he drops Matt face first onto the post to knock him silly. Even Lita looks concerned as Matt is busted open. Matt can barely stand so Edge kicks him in the head….and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. So yeah Matt comes back, gets in a few shots, and then gets busted open for a referee stoppage in five minutes. The first minute or so felt like a war but then it was little more than a hard hitting match with one big spot. This is the kind of thing that needed to go about eighteen minutes with both of them bleeding, but that would suggest that Matt was something important, rather than just a way to get Edge over. I can go with that as Matt is Matt and Edge has been a near main eventer for a long time now, but this was a major disappointment after the setup.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Eddie can’t beat Rey and has been driven completely crazy over jealousy and his failures. Therefore, Eddie is going to try something else so he brought up that Rey’s son Dominic was really Eddie’s biological son. Eddie wanted Dominic, but a social worker said they had to settle this, so a ladder match was made instead.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Tony Chimel: “The following contest is a ladder match for the custody of Dominic!” And that’s your most ridiculous ring introduction of all time. Dominic and the social worker are in the front row so Eddie goes over to them for a rather evil smile. Rey comes out and hugs Dominic so Eddie goes over and shakes the social worker’s hand. We’re ready to go and Eddie talks a lot of trash as they stare each other down to start.

Eddie gets in a cheap shot to knock Rey into the corner but Rey monkey flips him out to the floor. A whip sends Rey into the ladder though and he has to springboard in with a dropkick to knock Eddie off. Eddie goes to get another ladder so Rey dropkicks that one into his face, followed by a springboard seated senton to the floor. Back in and Eddie saves Rey’s climb with a sunset bomb but he can’t hold on, making it look rather messy. Eh to be fair that’s a pretty tricky spot.

Eddie hits him in the ribs and face with the ladder before sandwiching Rey between some ladders. The fans know what’s coming and are rather pleased with the slingshot hilo onto a ladder onto Rey onto another ladder. Rey gets up and uses a ladder to bridge his way up top to cut Eddie off, including a backdrop onto the bridged ladder. The crash bangs up Rey’s knee so he climbs rather slowly, allowing Eddie to dropkick the ladder out and hurt the knee even more.

Eddie reverse powerbombs him ribs first into the ladder on the top rope and there’s that evil smile again. That’s enough for another climb but Dominic comes in to shake the ladder. That just annoys Eddie so he yells at Dominic and demands a hug. Eddie: “I’m your new daddy now!” Eddie goes to hit him but Rey makes the save as Dominic is back with the social worker who let him jump the barricade and interfere in a violent match.

Rey sends him into a ladder and then 619s said ladder into Eddie’s face, only to hurt the knee again. The knee is ok enough to Drop The Dime onto a ladder onto Eddie and then load up the ladder again. Eddie climbs up the same side for an electric chair but Rey shows him how to do the sunset bomb for the huge crash. Rey goes up again and grabs the case but Eddie kicks the ladder out and pulls Rey down into a big spinebuster.

With Rey pinned under the ladder, Eddie goes up but stops to talk a lot of trash. He can’t unhook the thing anyway, allowing Rey to wiggle free and kick the ladder over. Apparently Vickie was supposed to run in there and missed the cue, explaining why Eddie couldn’t understand how a hook worked. Eddie is back up with Three Amigos, including the third onto the ladder. That means another climb but this time Vickie comes out for the save as she shoves the ladder over. Vickie pulls Eddie back so Rey can climb p and win.

Rating: B. It’s rather good with some big crashes, but the Vickie/Dominic stuff was too much and brought the match down. Rey vs. Eddie is something you can watch all day, especially if Eddie is all evil, but they could have come up with something better than a ladder match for custody papers. It was too far and became dumb rather than dramatic, which defeats a lot of the purpose.

Post match Vickie is relieved and Rey hits Eddie with a briefcase for a bonus.

Chris Jericho doesn’t like John Cena’s theme music and promises to make him as forgettable as the New Kids On The Block. He beat the Rock and Steve Austin on the same night and Cena isn’t on their level.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

For Eugene’s (Or Angle’s?) Gold Medal with no time limit and Christy Hemme is here with Eugene. Angle goes off on him to start and stomps Eugene down into the corner. Eugene comes back with a Faarooq spinebuster but Angle breaks up the People’s Elbow attempt with a hard clothesline. The fans are very pleased with this as they don’t seem all that into Eugene here.

Angle rolls the German suplexes for two and the fans are happy again. Eugene gets sent into the buckle a few times so the comeback is on, including a Rock Bottom for two. The Stunner gets the same and Eugene takes down the non-existent straps. Angle reverses the ankle lock by rolling him into the corner though and it’s the Angle Slam into the ankle lock for the win.

Rating: D. This could have been on Raw as Eugene was completely overwhelmed. The charm is long past gone now and it’s just Eugene doing Austin and Rock moves with almost nothing in between. It was just a squash anyway as Eugene is treated like the glorified jobber that he is. Angle needs to move on to something else and Eugene needs to become something else entirely.

Post match Angle stands on a chair so he can be awarded the medal again.

The Divas, in swimsuits, wash a limo with the Presidential seal on the door. The window goes down to reveal Vince McMahon. Vince: “Hey, why not?” There’s a McMahon For President bumper sticker on the limo for a bonus.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from Wrestlemania because Orton isn’t happy with his loss. It’s weird to see Undertaker come out first. Orton bails to the floor to start so Undertaker takes a second before shoving him down. A slap gets in Orton’s head a bit but he’s back up to dodge some right hands. Undertaker grabs a headlock (that’s a rare one) but Orton is right back with a hiptoss into a clothesline. That just earns him a big boot to the face and Orton is stunned in a hurry.

Undertaker goes technical with a keylock into Old School but Orton somehow understands what it means when Undertaker stands on the top while holding an arm. Old School is broken up with an armdrag back down but Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner to hammer away. The big boot and jumping clothesline give Undertaker two but the big boot in the corner only hits….well corner really and Orton grabs a DDT for his own two with Undertaker putting a foot across the rope.

Flashing back to his Evolution days, Orton cannonballs down onto the leg and then wraps it around the post. The leglock goes on so Undertaker punches his way to freedom, only to earn a knee drop to the ribs. Undertaker limps into the powerslam for two and it’s time to go to Texas with a spinning toehold.

That’s broken up as well and Undertaker starts kicking at Orton’s knee, earning a one off BORING chant. That doesn’t last long either as Orton is right back to the knee as the slow pace continues. Undertaker kicks him out to the floor for a ram into the steps and the apron legdrop as this isn’t exactly hitting a high gear. Old School connects back inside and it’s the Downward Spiral to Orton, who is right back with a dropkick for the double knockdown.

The RKO is blocked so they fight over a Tombstone until Orton gets two off the backbreaker. Orton goes up but Undertaker rolls through the high crossbody and grabs him by the throat. The chokeslam connects but a “fan” comes in. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. It was a struggle to get this high as there was no sense of urgency or any time until the end where either of them seemed close to going to a finish. At least the Wrestlemania match had an awesome near fall of the RKO but this was a bunch of leg work until they got to the finish. It could have worked if they had gone to a better ending but this never got into a higher gear.

And it’s Cowboy Bob Orton. You can book the rubber match already.

Some members of the Republican National Committee are here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. John Cena. They’ve been having issues since Cena made his Raw debut on the Highlight Reel. Then they got in an argument over who was the bigger rock star, which turned into Cena’s Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff’s Vince McMahon with Jericho and Carlito as the chief lackeys. The former story was better but why do that when you can do the same thing you’ve done so many times before?

Bischoff wishes Jericho’s luck.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is defending. They go nose to nose to start and a lockup doesn’t go anywhere. Jericho’s headlock is just as ineffective but he grabs a suplex to take over. There’s the spinwheel kick to drop Cena again but the springboard crossbody only lands on the floor. Back in and Cena hammers away, only to charge into a dropkick in the corner. A suplex gives Jericho two and a basement dropkick to the headsets up the chinlock.

They go outside with Jericho choking away with a cord but Cena is back with right hands. This isn’t exactly blowing the roof off the place so far. The big flying shoulder misses though and Jericho hits the running bulldog. Jericho has to bail out of the Lionsault so he tries the Walls, which is kicked out to the floor in a hurry. Cena drops the middle rope Fameasser over the ropes for two on the way back in but the FU is countered into a DDT for two. It’s time to start in on the back with a backbreaker and some elbows as the fans are loudly split.

The running crotch attack to the back only hits ropes though and they’re both down again. Cena is back up with that hard clothesline into the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle is countered into the Walls in the middle though, sending Cena on the long crawl to the ropes. Jericho pulls him back in but Cena makes the rope on the second attempt to a rather loud reaction. Cena’s back is good enough to try a super AA but Jericho slips out and grabs another suplex for another two. An argument with the referee lets Cena grab the FU to retain.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but they drew the crowd into it and it turned into a heck of a match by the end. Cena is showing some signs of brilliance in these big matches and Jericho has more than shown that he can hang with anyone so this was a benefit to both of them. Good match here as Cena is becoming a bigger and bigger star every single week.

We recap JBL vs. Batista (hometown boy) for the Smackdown World Title. JBL beat him by DQ last month so now it’s No Holds Barred. Not much more to it than that as JBL isn’t quite the believable challenger.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Batista is defending and it’s No Holds Barred. We get the JBL dollars raining from the ceiling during JBL’s entrance. The fight starts at the entrance with Batista ramming him into various things. A fire extinguisher into the face drops Batista though and JBL punches him around the barricade, only to have Batista spear him through said barricade.

They get inside for the first time with JBL kicking him in the head, followed by some whipping with a belt. Back up and Batista charges into a boot in the corner, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for two. JBL slides in the steps and this isn’t going to end well. The powerbomb off the steps is countered into a backdrop off of them and Batista hits the spinebuster. There’s the Batista Bomb but Batista doesn’t cover. Another Batista Bomb onto the steps retains the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but it was way better than their previous match as it didn’t go on forever, though the stipulation wasn’t exactly used. They went with the definitive ending here as Batista completely beat him, which is all it should have been. JBL was never a threat to Batista and now they can both move on to something else, with both of them going in the proper direction.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan. They teamed a handful of times and then Shawn superkicked him on the Fourth of July. Shawn said he had to know and the match was made. Everything went spiraling out of control after that though, with Shawn turning it into a weird near shoot on Hogan’s career while Hogan just referenced Bret Hart and screwjobs a few times. Shawn has carried this feud on his back and it’s going to be interesting to see how they get to the big boot and legdrop.

Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels

Hogan has the big flag out for the entrance. It’s a long staredown to start before Hogan shoves him away and shows off the biceps. Hogan shoves him down a few more times and Shawn is already frustrated. A headlock works a bit better for Shawn until a shoulder sends him into a backflip through the ropes as the overselling is already strong. Back in and Shawn knees him in the ribs but gets put on top so Hogan can kick him in the ribs.

Shawn bounces as high into the air as he can for a crotching, before a ram into the buckle gives us a bump that Mr. Perfect would think is too much. A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor where he rolls backwards again, gets up and falls back down. Shawn manages a kick to the face though and starts chopping away in the corner. The slap to the face does not go well so Shawn does it again before chopping even more. A third slap earns Shawn a right hand out to the floor but they both get posted with Hogan staggering around a lot.

Shawn posts him again but still can’t put Hogan down so it’s time for some left hands to the head. Some right hands in the corner get Shawn shoved down again (make it twice), only to have him finally punch Hogan down (you don’t see that too often). Hogan is finally busted open and Shawn grabs the sleeper to follow the Randy Savage formula from Wrestlemania V. Shawn’s arm is covered in blood as Hogan suplexes his way to freedom.

The forearm into the nipup lets Shawn drop the elbow (OH YEAH indeed) but this one misses (leave it to Savage kid). Hogan slugs away but Shawn tries another forearm, which takes out the referee. The fans want Bret (fair enough after the promos building this up) but Shawn is up first and heads to the top, only to come back down for a terrible Sharpshooter (even Rock’s is better than that).

Another referee comes in and Hogan very slowly makes it to the rope. Hogan kicks him into the second referee and everyone is down again. A low blow drops Hogan and a chair to the head finally lets Shawn hit the elbow. Sweet Chin Music connects for two but Hogan kicks out, Hulks Up, punches away and finishes with the big boot and legdrop. So that’s how they got there.

Rating: B-. The match was a weird one (YOU THINK?) as Shawn was doing his over the top selling and turning it into a joke at first but then it settled into a match with a pretty simple formula that hit the high points but didn’t exactly break the mold. Hogan was the definitive winner here and Shawn hit everything he could without being able to finish Hogan off. I liked it well enough and it’s certainly a dream match, but it’s two matches in one and that’s a little distracting.

Post match Hogan poses but Shawn stops him to make everything nice. Shawn says he had to know and, as usual, wrestlers are rather forgiving about the whole situation. It’s more posing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was all over the place with some good wrestling and action but a lot of things that felt like they should have been so much more. It’s an enjoyable show and something I’d watch again down the line, but it felt like they were going for a stacked show and as it is, it’s just pretty good. Fix some of the bigger holes and it’s a great one, but I’ll take what I can get after a build that wasn’t their best work.

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Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the second biggest show of the year and that could go multiple ways. Smackdown has been getting better as of late but it’s still not very good. Raw has had its moments, but with the second biggest match from the red show being HHH vs. Eugene, they’re working underneath a pretty low ceiling. Let’s get to it.

The theme is the Summer Games, giving us an Olympic themed opening. I’ve always liked these as they’re actually rather entertaining.

The opening video looks at the big matches, but Diva Dodgeball is in the middle, even before the Intercontinental Title and Smackdown World Title matches. I’m thinking no on that one.

Dudley Boys vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio

Spike recently joined his brothers and since there are no other teams on Smackdown, Kidman and London are still feuding with the Dudleys. Rey just walks out to his music, which takes a lot of the impact away. D-Von hammers on Kidman to start but gets armdragged down for his efforts. London comes in for an assisted moonsault and the dropkick gets two.

A rather hard clothesline takes London down and it’s off to Spike for some screaming stomps in the corner. Bubba comes in for the trash talking elbow drop and the villains start taking turns working on London. Straight right hands break up the comeback attempt but Bubba hits D-Von by mistake. Spike gets kicked away and that’s enough for the tag off to Mysterio.

The springboard legdrop gets two on Spike and a hurricanrana out of the corner makes things even worse. A reverse DDT plants D-Von and it’s back to Kidman for a top rope back elbow to Spike. Everything breaks down and a BK Bomb gets two on Spike. Bubba gets double dropkicked to the floor and Spike takes a Hart Attack of all things. The 619 sends Spike into the shooting star from Billy for two with D-Von making the save. Back in and Kidman walks into the 3D to give Spike the pin.

Rating: C. Well that was a dumb ending. You have Spike as Cruiserweight Champion and have him pin a Tag Team Champion to open one of the biggest shows of the year? You couldn’t have Rey pin D-Von here to let the fans feel good? This didn’t help anything other than building Spike up, which was done as well as it was going to be with the Cruiserweight Title win. Bad decision here, in a match that didn’t need to have this kind of a finish.

We recap Kane vs. Matt Hardy. Lita slept with Kane to get him to leave Matt alone, actually being stupid enough to believe it would work. As a result Lita is pregnant but still loves Matt. Therefore, she’s marrying the winner of this match. Somehow, not even the most bizarre stipulation in Summerslam history.

Kane vs. Matt Hardy

Matt goes straight at him to start and hits what I guess was a middle rope Side Effect for two. The middle rope legdrop to the back of the head gets the same and a weird looking tornado DDT (with Matt landing on his stomach) gets the third two. Kane finally hits a clothesline to take over but a Lita distraction lets Matt low bridge him to the floor.

The slingshot dive sets up a Twist of Fate for nine and probably the best chance Matt had. Lita throws in the bell and distracts the very stupid referee so Matt can clock Kane for two. Kane kicks him in the face and goes up but gets caught by Matt. That’s fine with Kane, who hits a super chokeslam for the pin and Lita’s hand.

Rating: D. Short and bad here, with Matt having less than no chance throughout. Matt has been destroyed and turned into an idiot this whole feud and Kane winning in the end was the only way it could go. Now just get to the wedding, which is destined to be the most entertaining part of this whole thing. The match was nothing that couldn’t have been done on Raw but with a nice looking ending. That’s also Matt’s last WWE match for about a year as he had a bad knee injury and was then released in April.

Randy Orton doesn’t want to hear about anyone being upset because tonight is a night for celebration. John Cena cuts him off and promises him some merch. He’s an Orton fan, but a quick fan poll seems to suggest that they don’t agree with him. And so it begins.

Booker T. vs. John Cena

Match #1 in a best of five series for Booker’s US Title. They slug it out to start with Cena hitting a clothesline for one. Cena gets in the Throwback for two so Booker crotches him on top to cut that off in a hurry. Booker throws in a You Can’t See Me and drops a knee for no cover. A jumping kick to the face cuts off Cena’s early comeback and it’s a camel clutch to keep things slow.

That’s broken up so Booker goes with a spinebuster and side slam to drop Cena again. The ax kick misses though and Cena hits his running clothesline out of the corner. That just earns him a flapjack into a Spinarooni but Cena hits a quick FU for the pin, ignoring Booker’s shoulder being way off the mat.

Rating: D+. That’s the third straight fast match here and that’s not a good thing on a show like this. They didn’t even have seven minutes here, which is the kind of match that could have been on Smackdown instead of wasting it on this show. Cena is likely losing the next two matches to put him in a hole which is fine, but I could have gone for a better start to this thing.

Eric Bischoff (“the head cracker in charge of Raw”) comes in to see Theodore Long and points out the revolving door to the Smackdown GM office. Bischoff advises him to enjoy it while it lasts but Teddy tells him to get to steppin.

Intercontinental Title: Batista vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Hometown boy Edge is defending and Batista is on fire at the moment. Speaking of Batista, he knocks Edge off the apron during his entrance and we hit the Y2J chants early on. A hard elbow knocks Jericho down and a shoulder does it again. Edge comes back in with a chop block to break up the Batista Bomb though and it’s time for some Canadian violence on Batista. Snake Eyes gets Batista out of trouble but Jericho grabs his boot to slow him down a bit.

A clothesline puts Batista outside and leaves Edge alone in the ring….where he’s booed out of the building. Well that’s rather surprising. Batista gets sent face first into the steps and we’re down to Jericho vs. Edge in the ring. Edge gets the better of the fight but gets loudly booed when loading up the Edgecution. The Walls attempt gets a much better reaction, though Edge reversing into a small package isn’t as well received. Back up and Jericho pokes him in the eye, setting up the full Walls of Jericho.

The hold is pulled back into the middle until Batista finally makes a save with the clothesline. Edge takes Batista down with an Edgecution for two as Jericho is banged up on the floor. The spear is loaded up but for some reason Jericho cuts Edge down on the way to Batista. A spinebuster gives Batista two on Jericho but this time it’s Edge sending the big man outside. That gives us another battle of the Canadians and another loud Y2J chant. Batista gets dropkicked off the apron but the distraction lets Edge spear Jericho down to retain.

Rating: D+. The odd crowd reactions threw things off here, though they’re not quite as out there as you might think when you remember Edge teasing a heel turn as of late. Now that being said, you would think the hometown deal would be enough to overcome the recent cheating but that wasn’t the case here. On top of that, the match didn’t have a ton of heat and was a string of one on one matches instead of all three at once. Edge retaining is fine, though Batista is getting bigger and bigger every week.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. Eddie cheated (kind of) to win at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for about five months. Angle is back now, though while he was on the shelf he cost Eddie the WWE Championship so Eddie is out for revenge and to prove that he can hang with Angle on an even playing field. This has been the best set up feud for the whole show and the match should be able to live up to the hype.

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Angle has Luther Reigns with him. Feeling out process to start as the odd fans are cheering for Angle here. Shockingly enough Angle is more than fine against Eddie on the mat so Eddie tries for the ankle. He’ll settle for a headlock instead so Angle reverses into a quick keylock. Eddie armdrags him straight into an armbar but it’s time to start the rolling German suplexes. That doesn’t work either as Eddie reverses the second into the ankle lock as the wrestling lesson continues. Angle reverses into the real thing but Eddie puts his own on at the same time. It doesn’t last long, though cool idea there.

A rope finally saves Eddie so Reigns gets in a cheap shot like a good lackey should do. That means another ankle lock before Angle finally switches gears a bit for something close to an STF. With Eddie down, Angle starts untying Eddie’s boot but the delay lets Eddie get in a kick to the face. It’s right back to Eddie’s ankle until Eddie gets in an Angle Slam of his own. Eddie makes his comeback with right hands but the ankle isn’t exactly sturdy.

It’s fine enough for the Three Amigos so Eddie goes up for the frog splash, only to get caught with the running belly to belly superplex. Angle’s Angle Slam is countered into a DDT and another frog splash attempt misses. The Angle Slam gets two so Angle rips the boot off to set up the ankle lock again.

The roll through sends Angle into the referee so Eddie hits Angle and Reigns with the boot. Of course Eddie throws the boot away and falls down instead of hitting a frog splash, which would have made more sense. Eddie hits the frog splash for two a few seconds later and yells at the referee on the kickout. That’s enough for Angle to pick the ankle and put on the grapevine to make Eddie tap.

Rating: C+. What exactly are they saving all the time for on this show? That’s the first match to break thirteen minutes and nothing else has even hit nine. There are three matches left on the card and nearly an hour and a half left in the show, but nothing has even hit fifteen minutes yet. Did Diva Dodgeball need the extra time?

Anyway, this wasn’t all that great as the first few minutes were looking like the start of a thirty minute classic but then they just jumped the stolen finishers (which is becoming a rather tired trope) and had Angle break the ankle down for the win. This was dying for another eight minutes of build towards the finish but for some reason this show has to go as fast as it can because of reasons.

We recap HHH vs. Eugene. HHH found out that Eugene was his favorite wrestler and agreed to use him to help get the World Title if HHH could eventually make Eugene want to quit. In other words, it was a story that was way more complicated than it needed to be and Eugene, who started off as a very fun, unique character has turned into the clueless putz that cost HHH the title. Therefore, HHH must destroy him to prove that he’s better than a mentally disabled person who doesn’t know how to wrestle but imitates wrestling he watched on TV as a kid. In the second biggest Raw match on Summerslam. Of course.

HHH vs. Eugene

No one is at ringside for a bit of a surprise. HHH wins an early slugout but Eugene elbows him in the face so it’s time head outside. That means a chance for HHH to hide behind Lilian Garcia, allowing him to take over again. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Eugene blocks a suplex to the floor. Some right hands in the corner set up a Flair Flop and HHH has a bad knee. Believe it or not, it’s a way for HHH to sucker Eugene in again and outsmart him for a cheap shot.

A backbreaker keeps Eugene in trouble as JR freaks out of the fake injury. He certainly must have loathed Bret Hart then. The fans think Eugene sucks so his comeback isn’t exactly well received. HHH offers a handshake but this time Eugene is ready for him and pulls it into a Rock Bottom. The People’s Elbow is countered with the spinebuster to a face pop as the trip into the bizarre continues. HHH chokes away and it’s back to the floor for a whip into the steps.

Back in and HHH slowly beats on him, setting up the sleeper because this match needed a sleeper. Eugene escapes and hits a backdrop, followed by a middle finger and the Stunner. That’s enough to send HHH outside for a breather though and here’s Ric Flair because HHH is actually in trouble. The big boot into the legdrop connects but Flair gets knocked off the apron. Eugene goes up top and dives into the Pedigree but spins out, setting up a Pedigree on HHH instead. Flair puts his foot on the rope so it’s just a two, earning an ejection. Cue William Regal to knock Flair cold with the brass knuckles as the Pedigree finishes Eugene.

Rating: D. Well thank goodness for that. After a few months of getting frustrated, the great and mighty HHH came back and beat the comedy act in a match at one of the biggest show of the year. All it cost Eugene was all of the good will he built up too, but at least HHH got the big win. This whole story was really stupid and a huge waste of time, which really doesn’t work when it boils down to HHH needing almost fifteen minutes to beat a comedy guy. It was just bad all around and didn’t help anyone other than HHH, who didn’t get that much out of it anyway.

And then, Diva Dodgeball with the Diva Search girls basically in swimsuits while the Raw women are in matching gear. Before the game starts, Coach tells us about some trash talk that happened after Raw went off the air. They proceed to play dodgeball, which is in no way shape or form an excuse to have good looking women in barely existing clothing running around. The Diva Search girls dominate and win. Trish yells about the refereeing and then blames Victoria, triggering a fight. This took up nearly six minutes, which is about seven minutes too long.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Undertaker

No recap for this one because the build hasn’t exactly been thrilling. JBL won the title earlier in the summer and needed an opponent so Undertaker showed up. For some reason JBL decided he wasn’t afraid of Undertaker and brought out a mini version, who Undertaker wound up beating up instead. Then JBL brought in Orlando Jordan as his Chief of Staff because he needed a designated lackey.

Undertaker knocks him to the floor early on and the beating begins, including JBL’s arm going into the steps. Back in and JBL hits a quick swinging neckbreaker before going up top for a good looking top rope shoulder. An armbar doesn’t get JBL anywhere so Undertaker pulls on the arm as well and hits Old School. Undertaker grabs an ugly triangle choke until Jordan pulls the foot under the rope.

With that not working, Undertaker hits a big boot to JBL but misses a running version in the corner to let JBL take out the knee. The leg is wrapped around the post and a Jordan distraction lets JBL smash the leg with a chair. Undertaker gets sent into the barricade so Jordan can get in a few shots before sending him inside. The fans start the Wave as the leg work continues.

The leglock goes on as JBL is smart enough to just throw on a hold and let the fans die down. It’s not exactly thrilling for the fans at home but it’s a smart idea here. Undertaker fights out and pulls JBL down into a quickly broken kneebar. They head outside again with Undertaker hitting the apron legdrop. The announcers start chanting for the Spanish table but JBL snaps the throat across the top for a breather. Again JBL takes too long going up though and it’s a superplex for two.

JBL goes right back to the knee with a spinning toehold of all things but Undertaker hits a sloppy release spinebuster for two more. The jumping clothesline puts JBL down again and Snake Eyes into…a running clothesline instead of the big boot gives Undertaker another two. The chokeslam gets a delayed near fall, which seems to shock the announcers. Who hasn’t kicked out of a chokeslam? Jordan gets up for a quick distraction and it’s the Clothesline From JBL to give the champ two of his own. The referee gets bumped though and it’s a double big boot for a double knockdown.

Jordan throws the belt in for a shot to the head and the very delayed near fall with Jordan grabbing the hand to slap the mat. Undertaker finally beats up Jordan but eats another Clothesline From JBL. With the referee still down, JBL rains down right hands in the corner which is only done to set up the Last Ride. Jordan is back in with the belt so Undertaker takes it away and hits JBL for the DQ.

Rating: D. The thing is, it’s not even the worst match in the world. It felt like it was straight out of the HHH/Ric Flair Greatest Hits playbook with Jordan being the worst Flair impersonator of all time. The leg work was fine and JBL still wasn’t horrible yet, but the ending was pretty lame with Jordan being pathetic and JBL’s finisher not being able to do much damage. It’s not so much horrible or even bad as much as it is uninteresting and uninspired, which made for a very long seventeen minutes.

Post match the beatdown continues with the bloody JBL being chokeslammed through the roof of the limo. JBL does a stretcher job, guaranteeing a rematch. Of note: at some point during the match, a fan tried to climb onto the limo and security kept him from not only, you know, climbing onto the limo but also breaking the roof and injuring himself/ruining the spot.

Cole shows us a replay and tells us to listen. There’s no sound.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging after winning a battle royal and pinning Benoit in a tag match. Here’s your exchange that would never happen today: Lawler: “Hey JR you got a camera on you?” JR, dripping with sarcasm: “Yeah right here in my pocket.” The fans are all over Earl Hebner with the YOU SCREWED BRET chants as they stare each other down at the bell. Benoit drives him into the corner and takes Orton down for a rather early chinlock. A test of strength goes to Orton but he misses a knee drop.

Benoit is right back with the armbar and armdrags him down into another armbar. That’s reversed as well with Orton grabbing a Sharpshooter of his own. Benoit slips out of that and tries a Crossface, sending Orton to the floor where he posts Benoit to really take over. A second posting keeps the champ down and Orton drapes him over the top rope for good measure.

Something like a DDT on the apron gets Benoit out of trouble but he misses a dive through the ropes, sending himself HARD into the barricade. Back in and Orton hits the over the shoulder neckbreaker for two, followed by the chinlock. Benoit fights up for stereo crossbodies but gets up first for a northern lights suplex. A release German suplex has Orton in more trouble and the Sharpshooter goes on.

That’s good for two arm drops until Orton makes the rope so they’re both exhausted. Some rolling German suplexes put Orton down again but he gets his feet up to block the Swan Dive (FREAKING OW MAN!). The cover is countered into a Crossface but Orton rolls out. Back up and Benoit tries it again but Orton spins him around into the RKO for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a masterpiece but it was a good, long, well put together match with a completely clean ending that made Orton look like the better man. The new heel on top is long overdue and it’s nice to see Orton, who has gotten a lot better in a hurry, win the title here. Benoit’s title reign was very respectable and he beat HHH a few times, which is about as good as you’re going to get. It’s a rather good main event, though not exactly a classic.

Post match Benoit gets back in and shakes his hand, demanding that Orton be a man. Orton shakes his hand and Benoit leaves in peace, allowing Orton to pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is two different halves and it’s as noticeable as you’re ever going to see. The first four matches are all short and need more time while the remaining four, as in the big matches, either fail to live up to the hype or just aren’t very good in the first place. This show needed to be reshuffled a bit with some extra time being given to a few other matches. Stuff like Diva Dodgeball and the opener could have been cut to give the time to other matches. It would have done the show a lot of good, but there was only so much this show could do.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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