IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 20, 2004
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Here are Sunday’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie, in what looks to be a card from the 1930s, though of course with hydraulics included. He’s also got a duffle bag for a bonus. The fans are very glad to see him and…..OH MY GOODNESS THAT’S THE CUT ON HIS HEAD!!! I thought that was his hair being out of place because that’s the longest cut I’ve ever seen on a wrestler. Or on almost anyone for that matter.

Eddie says he was hurt on Sunday but he’s feeling better now that he’s in Las Vegas. JBL may have taken his blood on Sunday but Eddie is still WWE Champion. He’s also got a souvenir in the bag and it’s JBL’s cowboy hat, which is covered in his blood. Since that’s his blood, Eddie figures it’s not his hat and he can do whatever he wants with it. Eddie even has a stock tip for JBL. He should invest in bandages because tonight, they’re having a fight and it’s JBL’s turn to bleed.

Cue JBL, who is bandaged up as well. JBL makes sure he has it clear: he can have another title match tonight? Eddie: “Did you get too much blood in your ear holmes?” JBL says no and brags about winning on Sunday, so fighting Eddie again tonight is an unnecessary gamble. He didn’t become a millionaire by gambling because that’s how lazy people look for a quick buck.

Instead, Eddie needs to come down the aisle and hand over that WWE Championship. Eddie says he’ll hand JBL a beating but here’s Kurt Angle to cut them off. Kurt: “Well it’s official. Everybody has lost their minds.” Eddie isn’t allowed to make matches around here and he’s certainly not getting a rematch with JBL because he just wants to get himself disqualified again. JBL isn’t getting the title either, but tonight we’ll have JBL and the Dudleys vs. Eddie, Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam in a six man tag.

Rico/Charlie Haas vs. FBI

Non-title and it’s Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli for the Italians. Rico is the hometown boy and Jackie is….well my goodness and we’ll leave it at that. Charlie and Johnny start things off and Rico offers a quick spank from the apron. Apparently not a fan, Johnny press slams him but gets rolled up for two instead. Rico comes in legally and takes Johnny down into an armbar, complete with a little wiggling. It’s off to Nunzio, who comes in and gets spanked for his efforts.

Rico does it again so Nunzio takes him down and rams Rico’s head into the mat a few times. The FBI manages to screw up their advantage as Johnny can’t hit a clothesline even while Nunzio has Rico’s foot. Instead it’s the hot tag to Charlie to start cleaning house. Jackie grabs Nunzio’s foot so he tries to kiss her but gets Rico instead. In his search for mouthwash, Nunzio gets German suplexed for the pin.

Rating: D. It takes a lot to have Rico and Charlie seem lifeless but the FBI pulled it off. This wasn’t interesting or fun and you can tell the team is starting to run out of gas. That being said, there was no reason to believe Rico and Haas were going to be around for very long so you can probably bet on them losing the titles soon. This was pretty bad, though maybe it was just the FBI.

Stills of Chavo Guerrero Jr. regaining the Cruiserweight Title.

Tonight, Chavo defends the Cruiserweight Title against Spike Dudley and his father. Chavo Classic says he might win but Chavo doesn’t want to hear it because this is his time. So tell me: why couldn’t Spike have done the exact same story that Jacqueline did? How is it that much different?

Billy Kidman vs. Akio

The bell rings but here’s Mordecai, with the full entrance, to wreck them both instead. Fair enough, as the match didn’t exactly sound thrilling.

JBL gets his head examined and tells the doctor to not believe anything Eddie tells him. Wouldn’t that likely be the same doctor who stitched Eddie up in the first place? Eh just give him a z-pak and he’ll be fine.

US Title: Rene Dupree vs. John Cena

Cena is defending in a rematch from Sunday where he beat Dupree. They lock up to start with Cena throwing him off and Rene isn’t sure what to do. A shoulder works a bit better for Dupree but Cena is right back up with a slam for two. Cena slaps on a rare chinlock before stereo crossbodies put both guys down.

Back from a break with Cena going shoulder first into the post and falling to the floor. Dupree starts in on the shoulder and takes him down by the arm for two. The Fujiwara armbar goes on and it’s a long crawl for Cena to make the ropes. A regular armbar keeps the arm in trouble but Cena fights up with some backdrops.

Cena uses the good arm to pound away at Dupree’s face and they fight to the floor. Dupree can’t powerbomb him on the floor so Cena hits another backdrop and heads back inside. They go back out almost immediately (pick something already) and Dupree grabs the French flag. Cena takes it away and breaks it over his knee but Dupree kicks him low and wins via countout.

Rating: D+. It was worse than their pay per view match and that’s not a good sign given the extra time. There wasn’t the same level of efforts here and that showed badly this time around. I’m still not sure how many people buy Dupree as a challenger to the title but it’s not like Cena has anyone else to fight. I mean, Booker T. is busy jobbing to Undertaker, so who else is there already on that level?

Post match Dupree lays him out again and busts out the French Tickler, which is a great name for such an obnoxious dance.

We see/hear the chair shot to Eddie’s head on Sunday. Thankfully we don’t see the crazy gory blade job up close again.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Chavo Classic vs. Spike Dudley

Chavo Jr. is defending. Spike gets double teamed to start, which even the announcers knew was coming. Classic gets sent outside though and Spike stomps away in the corner. The double teaming picks up again though until Jr. is fine enough to look at the crowd while his dad does the work. Classic tries a rollup on Spike for two but Jr. misses a splash in the corner. A high crossbody takes down both Guerreros and there’s the Dudley Dog to Jr. Classic comes back in and collides with Spike though, only to call on Jr. to win the title.

Rating: D. Nothing match of course and the “shock value” of the ending doesn’t exactly earn them a lot of points. The title takes another hit here as it goes into its fourth reign in two weeks, all in the name of “comedy”. It would have been easier to accept this without the Jacqueline reign but two joke wins in two weeks is too much to take.

Jr. is rightfully furious at his dad, who is too busy celebrating.

Raw ReBound of another good show.

Funaki interviews Booker T., who doesn’t want to hear this nonsense about being afraid of Undertaker. See, Undertaker cheated at Judgment Day because Paul Bearer must have switched the magic bag. Since Undertaker isn’t here tonight, Booker can have any match he wants. Maybe the WWE Title? Or the US Title? Nah he’ll beat up Funaki instead, so Funaki punches him and runs off.

Booker T. vs. Funaki

Booker pounds away to start so Funaki dropkicks the knee out to set up a bulldog. That just earns him a superkick as Booker isn’t having any of this tonight. The fans chant for Undertaker as Booker scores with a side slam, only to run into a boot in the corner. Another shot to the face busts Funaki’s nose open and we hit the chinlock. Booker gets bored with that and finishes with the ax kick.

Rating: D-. Was there any reason for this match to go on this long? The match was pretty much a squash and went on for the better part of five minutes. I mean….it’s Funaki, who is barely even a wrestler anymore. It also doesn’t help that Booker looks bored out of his mind at the moment, but if this is the best they have for him, is it that surprising?

Next week: Cena vs. Dupree for the title in a lumberjack match.

JBL has attacked Eddie, who is unconscious.

Kenzo Suzuki is still coming.

John Bradshaw Layfield/Dudley Boyz vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam

There’s no Eddie to start, likely because he’s still recovering from losing that much blood. Here’s Angle to say Eddie can’t wrestle and since Angle can win a gold medal with a BROKEN FREAKIN NECK, Eddie can join in on the match when he gets up from his siesta. D-Von and Rey start but Bubba comes in and jumps him from behind, which is the same as a tag it seems.

JBL comes in and stomps away but Rey kicks at the legs and then the face to build some momentum. The sitout bulldog drops D-Von and it’s off to D-Von, who gets taken down by a JBL neck snap across the ropes. Some swinging neckbreakers keep Rob in trouble as the fans think Bradshaw sucks. The slow paced beatdown continues with JBL hitting a shoulder and elbow drop for two. Rob gets in a springboard kick to the face and there’s the hot tag to Rey.

A headscissors into a dropkick lets Rey Drop the Dime for two as everything breaks down. Van Dam flip dives onto both Dudleys and Rey hurricanranas JBL into the 619. The Five Star connects but Ray pulls Mysterio out as we take a break. Back with Mysterio in trouble thanks to a 3D on the floor to Van Dam. Rey hits a springboard into a reverse DDT but Bubba goes over to Rey’s corner in a clever idea.

D-Von hits a delayed vertical suplex (he’s stronger than you might think) and it’s back to JBL for more of that great offense. The abdominal stretch goes on but here’s Eddie, who can barely walk down the aisle. Eddie is so livid that he stands on the apron while JBL is smart enough to not let go of the hold. Of all people, JBL is smart enough to figure that out?

Rey gets in a dropkick but Bubba isn’t about to allow the hot tag. A little too much trash talk allows Rey to get his feet up in the corner and there’s the tag to Eddie. Right hands and Three Amigos have the Dudleys down but Eddie collapses. His eyes are open as everyone stops doing anything, so JBL again gets smart by stealing the pin.

Rating: C+. Well we certainly know the power of the 3D on the floor as Van Dam disappeared after taking it. The ending was fine enough as Eddie keeps fighting but is trying to do too much and collapsing under the pressure as his body gives out. The others are just kind of there, as you could put the titles on the Dudleys but who are supposed to challenge them? The lack of star power is killing this show and it’s becoming more obvious every week.

Medics check on Eddie to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The main event was ok but my goodness the rest of the show is such a disaster. The wrestling is uninspired, the stories aren’t interesting and the new stars aren’t exactly clicking (What does it say when Rene Dupree is one of the top prospects?). It’s just a dark time for the show and it seems to be getting even worse as the weeks go by. Eddie is doing as much as he can to carry this show on his back and it’s clearly not working. That’s not on Eddie, who can only do so much with so little around him.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Judgment Day 2004
Date: May 16, 2004
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 18,722
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I guess we have to do this one too. It’s one of the worst built shows I’ve seen in a very long time and that’s not surprising given how horrible Smackdown has been in recent weeks. The main event of Eddie Guerrero defending the World Title against John Bradshaw Layfield is going nowhere and it seems that it’s what we’re going to be seeing for a long time going forward. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how we will all be judged one day, but maybe there is no afterlife and this is all we get to do. But what if there’s something there? Will we meet a callous jury or be welcomed warmly? Even this is a rambling mess.

Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Dudley Boyz

Cole: “Literally in Rey Mysterio’s backyard tonight!” For those unfamiliar, Los Angeles is about 120 miles from San Diego. Rey has a huge backyard. Bubba and Rob start things off with the fans behind Van Dam. A very early distraction lets D-Von get in a cheap shot from behind and he comes in legally just to keep things fair. It’s already back to Bubba for some choking on the ropes but HE HAS UNTIL FIVE.

Rob comes back with some kicks and clotheslines D-Von to the floor. There’s the big flip dive onto Bubba as Rey finally realizes he can do something and dives onto D-Von. We settle down to D-Von and Rob with the latter hitting a stepover spinning kick to the face but Bubba grabs a full nelson. Of course D-Von hits his partner by mistake, because that’s how full nelsons work in tag matches.

Rey still can’t come in and it’s time for the slow motion beating. A legsweep gets Rob out of trouble and it’s off to Rey for the top rope seated senton. The springboard spinning crossbody gets two as Cole says the Dudleys are “bumblebee like”. Another springboard is countered into something like a hot shot and it’s Rey’s turn to be in trouble. A big leg sets up the chinlock, followed by the spinning back elbow to take Rey back down.

The beating continues with D-Von pounding away in the corner but the sitout bulldog gets Rey out of trouble. The hot tag….doesn’t bring Van Dam in though as Bubba comes in a second earlier to distract the referee. One heck of a spinebuster lets Bubba put Rey in the Tree of Woe (Bubba: “He’s a pinata!”).

In a rather unique counter, Rey pulls himself up and hits a cutter, despite still being tied up. That was pretty cool. A moonsault press gets two and that’s enough for the hot tag to Van Dam. Rob’s springboard kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder for two on D-Von as everything breaks down. Rey hits a middle rope hurricanrana on D-Von to set up a double 619. The Five Star is enough to finish D-Von.

Rating: B-. It’s a bit longer than it needed to be but given that this is one of the only few good matches the card is likely to have, it makes sense to give it so much time. Mysterio and Van Dam have always worked well together, but someone needs to explain the idea of having the Dudleys lose twice if they’re supposed to be top level heels.

Josh Matthews barges into Booker T.’s locker room without even knocking so Booker yells about preparing for Undertaker. He has his own power in the bag and throws Josh out. That….was rather pointless.

Kurt Angle’s lackey Luther Reigns pushes out a big platform and Angle rises up through it to sit above the ring in a cool visual. Angle insults the crowd and the Los Angeles Lakers before moving on to Eddie Guerrero causing his broken leg. When JBL wins the title tonight, Angle is expecting them to riot and hopes a huge earthquake hits the city after he’s gone.

Before we get there though, he wants Torrie Wilson out here right now. Torrie comes out and gets in the ring where Angle yells at her for ruining his career. Therefore, she needs to protect her own career. If she loses tonight, she is FIRED. Oh dear. What ever will we do without her five minutes of screen time a month???

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

They fight into the corner to start with Torrie shoving her off. A Hennig necksnap keeps Dawn in trouble and a horrible sunset flip (you need to get both shoulders down) gets two. Torrie misses a high crossbody and the fans cheer for her….for about five seconds. Some slow motion stomping puts Torrie on the floor and a dropkick to the ribs keeps her out there.

Back in and we hit the chinlock, allowing Torrie to fight up and botch the swinging neckbreaker (you need to grab something, not put a hand on the face). A better sunset flip gets two more and Torrie rolls her up, with Dawn’s gear tearing to the first real reaction of the match. Torrie backslides her for the pin.

Rating: D-. I really, really hope they didn’t have to go home early because of the gear breaking because this was already getting terrible. Trying to get me to care about Torrie being fired isn’t a great course of action as she’s nothing but eye candy and losing her isn’t going to make the show any worse than it already is. Terrible match, because neither of them are wrestlers.

JBL is happy to be here because he’s tired of campaigning all over the country and seeing a bunch of Eddie Guerreros. Nowhere is worse than right here in Los Angeles but there are some good people. Like the ones who wash his car and polish his boots. In his America, everybody speaks English and there aren’t people with eight or nine kids on welfare.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Mordecai

This is Mordecai’s debut and he gets the big entrance with the white robe and cross (not a cross, but it’s a cross) staff. Scotty is terrified and his early headlock completely fails. Mordecai sends him into the post and crushes Scotty’s head against the steel. Scotty gets bent around the ropes (almost like a standing camel clutch) and a knee to the head makes it even worse. A superkick staggers Mordecai but he shrugs off the bulldog. Mordecai finishes him with a Razor’s Edge (appropriate) to complete the squash.

Rating: D. The entrance was cool and the finisher is good, but everything in the middle was pretty uninspiring stuff. Mordecai could work if he was better in the ring but there’s only so much you can do when you were boring in a three minute match. There’s potential there, though not enough to overcome the problems he has.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Chavo Classic (with his pants down) are getting ready when Jacqueline comes in with a present. It’s something to make him feel more comfortable on the way to the ring in case he loses to a girl again. And of course it’s women’s underwear as this horrible show continues to be horrible. Ok Chavo Classic looking at it while Jr. yells at her helps a bit.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Hardcore Holly/Billy Gunn

Holly and Gunn are challenging. Charlie stalls some more by not being able to walk onto Rico and Jackie’s platform. The challengers aren’t sure who should start so Rico spanks them both at once. That means a trip to the floor as the stalling continues. After a minute of waiting around, we settle down to Charlie vs. Bob. Holly takes him into the corner as the slow pace continues.

It’s time to actually get serious with a series of kicks in the corner and Gunn bails to the floor. Haas comes back in as Cole and Tazz crack each other up with sex jokes. Holly gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over and it’s time to talk about the Undertaker. The chinlock goes on as the discussion moves to Jackie being entertaining when she slaps the mat over and over. Holly’s dropkick gets two and Rico demands that they don’t hurt his Charlie.

The kick to the ribs gets two and Holly goes up for the top rope dive that is only designed to dive onto a raised boot. To be fair though, Holly at least leaned forward a bit so it could have almost kind of sort of looked like an elbow instead of landing flat on his feet. Charlie dives over to the hot tag to Rico and house is cleaned in a hurry. The Fameasser connects but Charlie tagged himself in and German suplexes Gunn down. Holly grabs the Alabama Slam but Rico superkicks him down, allowing Haas to get a sunset flip to retain.

Rating: D. Well, at least the finish was good. This was every Rico/Haas match (Of what, four that they’ve had?) and that’s not a positive. It was the same jokes over and over again with nothing interesting or entertaining, save for Jackie as usual. You couldn’t have the Bashams in this spot instead? At least they’re a regular team.

Paul Bearer and Undertaker aren’t worried about Booker T. having the voodoo bag of death. Undertaker even acknowledging that feels so beneath him.

We recap Chavo Guerrero vs. Jacqueline, with Chavo trying to get the title back after she upset him a few weeks back. This is one of the dumbest stories of the night, and that’s a bad sign on a show of so many dumb stories.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Chavo is challenging and has an arm tied behind his back. Jacqueline gets sent into the corner and kneed in the ribs as Chavo is already getting in more offense than he had in the first match. Some one armed backbreakers keep Jacqueline down but she comes back with a headscissors and Chavo walks himself shoulder first into the post. Jacqueline’s sleeper is broken up with a ram into the corner but she kicks him down for two.

Chavo Classic gets knocked off the apron and the distraction lets Jr. get in a clothesline. The low blow gives Jacqueline two and it’s time to head outside, where Classic unties the arm. Back in and another distraction lets Jr. block a right hand and hit a hard clothesline. Classic picks up a bunch of stuff for more distracting and it’s the Gory Bomb to give Jr. the title back.

Rating: F. I hated this for so many reasons that I can’t even cut the list down to something reasonable. If this is the best you can have for a title, just get rid of the thing. I know that’s what they probably want to do, but Jacqueline is not the best you can do. Jacqueline isn’t an interesting wrestler and why they decided to put her together in a “HAHA YOU LOST TO A GIRL” story is beyond me. It would have been almost as stupid, but if this is the general way you want to go, put the title on Rico and find some different Tag Team Champions. At least the promos would have been better. Horrible stuff and let’s move on.

Post match Chavo blames everyone else for laughing at him and says no one can laugh at him again. Classic gets in a cheap shot on Jacqueline before leaving. Now PLEASE never let this be talked about again.

We recap the US Title match. Rene Dupree is an obnoxious French guy who hates America and John Cena is standing up for the country. Rene isn’t ready for this spot but he’s trying, and I can take that over so much of the other slapped together show.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and his rap is a simple one about beating Dupree and sending him back to France. Some early right hands put Dupree on the floor and Cena comes back in with a Thesz press of all things. Back up and Dupree hits a rather fast boot to the face out of the corner to little effect.

Cena is right back with a backdrop and a hard clothesline puts Dupree outside again. Dupree is in a little better shape this time as he pulls Cena shoulder first into the post to take over for the first time. Back in and a low bridge sends a diving Cena (!) sailing right back to the floor. A backbreaker gives Dupree two and it’s off to a bearhug. Cena finally jawbreaks his way to freedom and starts the comeback but the Shuffle takes too long (gee I’m stunned) and Dupree scores with a spinebuster.

The French dance takes way too long as well but Cena can’t follow up. Dupree can’t hit the Michinoku Driver but Cena’s can’t hit the FU either. Instead Dupree grabs a neckbreaker for a delayed two and it’s time for the exchange of rollups. That goes nowhere so Dupree tries to jump over Cena in the corner, only to get caught in the FU to retain the title.

Rating: C+. That’s the second fine match of the night as they were putting in the effort and there was a perfectly acceptable story being told. It’s nothing that really needed to be on pay per view, but it’s better than nothing, which is more than you can say for almost anything else on the show so far. Imagine that: Cena being one of the few bright spots.

Post match Cena gives a fan his Lakers jersey in a nice touch.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Egads no.

We recap Booker T. vs. the Undertaker. Booker showed up in the Draft and started talking about how much better he was than everyone else, including the Undertaker. A bunch of lightning and thunder followed, so Booker went to a voodoo woman and has a hex bag that is supposed to even things out. Yeah it’s really stupid and I doubt it’s going to help the show.

Booker T. vs. Undertaker

The announcers keep calling this a rare appearance by the Undertaker. I’m really not sure why, but then again I’m not sure why Cole and Tazz say a lot of things they say. Booker takes him into the corner to start and we actually get a clean break. A shove down is enough for Booker at the moment as he heads outside and rubs something from the bag on his chest, which just gets his arm cranked on back inside.

Undertaker side slams him down and gets two off a legdrop before clotheslining Booker right back to the floor. As tends to happen to him a lot, Undertaker gets his throat snapped across the top, allowing Booker to come back in with a missile dropkick. Booker rubs some more stuff on his chest and gets caught with the jumping clothesline. Old School connects but Booker slips out of the Last Ride and bumps the referee.

The distraction lets Booker throw the dirt from the bag in Undertaker’s eyes….which just ticks him off. The running big boot misses in the corner though and Booker starts stomping on the knee. Booker wraps the leg around the post to keep Undertaker down and a dropkick gets two. The ax kick connects for the same so it’s time for Undertaker to pop up with the chokeslam and Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: D. Egads they really can’t get anything going with this show. Another bad match as the hex bag went nowhere as Undertaker didn’t even sell the dirt in his eyes. Other than that, this was a little working on Undertaker’s knee before he popped back up and won anyway. I have no idea why you would bring Booker to Smackdown just to put Undertaker over in his first big match, especially when the show is so starved for effectual heels. It didn’t make sense at the time and it still doesn’t now.

We recap JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero. JBL is a rich guy from New York and wants to get rid of someone deplorable like Eddie. In other words, it’s at least half racist and more than half awful as JBL is really bad at what he’s doing. Then JBL caused Eddie’s mom to have a heart attack, which he blamed Eddie for and which we had to see about five times in a week. Let’s get this over with.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie is defending. Before we’re ready to go, JBL talks about how he’s going to say this in English so half the people here will need translators. After he wins the title, Eddie’s mother can come to New York and be his maid. Eddie gets aggressive to start and knocks him outside for a whip into the steps. JBL gets tossed over the announcers’ table and it’s time to head back inside for some shouting and punching.

It’s too early for JBL to walk out so Eddie chases him down and hammers away some more. Back in and Eddie walks on his face but makes the mistake of going outside again, allowing JBL to whip him into the steps. JBL keeps up the awesome wrestling with a big boot and a headlock as things slow down to a snail’s pace. Another headlock takeover keeps things slow but some armdrags put JBL on the floor.

The dive is caught for a fall away slam though and the champ is down again. A backdrop puts Eddie onto the announcers’ table in a good looking crash. Back in and they slug it out until JBL grabs a bearhug, which is the worst thing this match can do. Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Eddie slips out and hits Three Amigos. The referee gets bumped though and Eddie backdrops JBL to the floor.

Another whip over the announcers’ table lets JBL grab a chair and cave Eddie’s head in, drawing one of the deepest, most disturbing cuts I’ve ever seen. You can see the blood literally flowing out of his head and streaming down his chest over and over. A steps show to the head makes it even worse and the Clothesline From JBL is good for no cover because referees are made of paper around here. The second referee comes in for two as there is blood EVERYWHERE.

The replacement referee takes a Clothesline of his own and a powerbomb gives JBL two with the first referee counting. JBL slaps on a sleeper but Eddie fights up and starts the dancing. The fall away slam is countered into a DDT and they’re both down. Eddie is up first but the blood loss means the frog splash takes way too long and they’re down again. JBL grabs the title and a chair but Eddie kicks him low and hits him with the belt for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The story worked, the blood REALLY worked, and Eddie was trying, but there’s only so much you can do with someone like Bradshaw as your opponent. The headlock didn’t do this any favors and the idea of having to watch this match again made my head hurt. You can only do so much to get beyond a horrible build and bad character work from the heel and Eddie wasn’t able to get over the mountain.

Post match Eddie stays on him and shoves some referees away. A chair to JBL’s head draws some blood as well and Eddie does it again for fun. Eddie drops a frog splash and JBL bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. The two good matches are nowhere near enough to save this show as they’re only so good. The problem here continues to be the lame villains, as there’s no way around people I don’t care about. JBL is a terrible top villain, the second villains are the Dudley Boyz who haven’t won a tag match in a long time, and then you have Booker T. who is running around like a comedy goof. Who in there is supposed to be intimidating?

Nothing on this show got me interested or excited in the slightest and that just shouldn’t happen on a pay per view. The wrestling can be passable at times but they have to work on the stories and characters. Those are the far more important parts of the show and neither of them is going anywhere at all. Just get something interesting in there because what we have at the moment is making me long for a twenty minute HHH promo to perk things up a bit.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 13, 2004
Location: Lawlor Convention Center, Reno, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and my goodness the show is not looking good at this point. We currently have three matches announced so this week’s show is going to be designed to get us ready for Sunday in a hurry, with several matches likely being added at once. That rarely leads to a good night but that would be par for the course around here lately. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Eddie Guerrero’s mom having a heart attack, because that’s the one angle they have for this whole thing. Eddie snapped to end last week’s show, partially due to JBL blaming him for the heart attack.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

During Rob’s entrance, Rob/Rey Mysterio vs. the Dudley Boyz is announced for Sunday. I mean, we saw it last week so let’s make people pay to see it again! Actually hang on a second as we have a change due to a sneak attack.

Rob Van Dam vs. D-Von Dudley

See? IT’S TRICKINESS! D-Von jumps him from behind to start until Van Dam gets in a spinning kick to the jaw. The running corner dropkick in the corner allows Van Dam to get in some finger pointing. Bubba offers a distraction though and the split legged moonsault is countered into a neckbreaker out of the corner. Some choking with a torn tag rope has Van Dam in some more trouble and a hard clothesline gets two.

The chinlock wakes Van Dam up a bit and there’s another kick to the face to put D-Von down. The top rope kick to the face gets two but Van Dam has to cannonball off the apron to take care of an interfering Bubba. Rolling Thunder connects but Bubba puts D-Von’s leg on the rope. A ref bump lets Bubba crotch Van Dam on top though and it’s a top rope hanging DDT to give D-Von the pin.

Rating: D. This was as interesting as D-Von in the ring and Bubba on the floor vs. Van Dam was going to be. Having the Dudley Boyz as the second biggest heels on the roster is one of the dumbest things that could have been done and it’s not getting any better week to week. The clean loss last week didn’t help things either and it’s just not interesting.

Post match the beatdown stays on until Rey Mysterio makes the save. Thanks for being there in the last five minutes Rey.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Eddie Guerrero and says what Eddie did last week was unprovoked. Eddie is a volcano waiting to erupt and Angle can’t have that on his show. If Eddie does anything tonight, there will be severe consequences. Eddie gets up and walks away.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Oh good grief.

Cole is in the ring and brings out Jacqueline for a chat. We see a clip of her winning the Cruiserweight Title and she’s proud to be the first woman to hold it. Dig that WWE continuity. She reminds Chavo “Guerrer” that he lost to a girl so here are Chavo and Chavo Classic to interrupt. Jr. calls her a thief because that was the worst night of his career and maybe even his life. Angle has made a rematch for Judgment Day and he’ll have one arm tied behind his back. Classic thinks it’s a great idea but he wants some redemption tonight. Oh dear this is going to be bad.

Chavo Classic vs. Jacqueline

Non-title. Joined in progress with Chavo taking her down and getting in a little spanking. Jacqueline sends him outside and then does the exact same thing he did to her, albeit with the slaps to the head for the sake of good taste. A Hennig neck snap puts Jacqueline down again though and we hit an abdominal stretch with Chavo having to lean down to make it work. Jacqueline fights up with a hurricanrana but Jr. pulls her off the apron, dropping her face first onto the apron, giving Classic the pin. This is a champion people. Someone who gets sent into the apron and pinned by in his mid-50s.

Worry not though, as Jacqueline gets revenge by pulling Classic’s pants down. Good thing everything is ok now.

Angle is livid at Eddie for disrespecting him and is going to do something about it.

We look back at Booker using magic to try and fend off Undertaker.

Angle finds Eddie and tells him to cool off. It wasn’t even JBL’s fault because Eddie’s mom is 76 years old. Eddie is about to snap so the boss leaves.

The announcers talk about JBL, who suddenly calls in from his limo to promise to destroy Mysterio tonight. He wants Eddie to still be here when he gets to the arena too.

FBI vs. Booker T.

The FBI is banged up after last week’s massacre at Undertaker’s hands. Booker has the hex bag with him because that’s still a thing. Stamboli gets stomped down with ease and a side slam drops Nunzio. Booker drops Nunzio ribs first onto the barricade and kicks Stamboli in the face a few times, followed by the ax kick for the pin. The FBI didn’t get in a single shot.

Post match Booker says that proves he’s just as powerful as the Undertaker….and there’s the gong. Undertaker’s face pops up on both smaller screens and then the main screen as Booker tries to run. Paul Bearer comes out as the ring fills with smoke and Undertaker sits up inside.

Here’s Eddie for a chat and we see the heart attack AGAIN during his entrance because there’s nothing else to the feud but it’s somehow better than the racism/border patrol stuff. Eddie talks about representing the entire WWE and all of America. The point of America isn’t saying you’re better than other people but working hard to achieve your dreams. Eddie looks at America as a great big melting pot.

JBL is going to need some intestinal fortitude to deal with him on Sunday because Eddie is bringing it to the fullest. Eddie talks about the heart attack and having to explain to his kids why he didn’t do anything to the man who hurt grandma. She’s a strong woman and Eddie was worried about her but he wants to take care of Bradshaw tonight. He wants Vickie to turn the TV off because he doesn’t want the kids to see what’s about to happen to Bradshaw.

The limo comes out but there’s no JBL so Eddie breaks the window with a pipe. There’s no one inside so here’s JBL with some police to demand Eddie be arrested for destruction of private property. Eddie charges at him but gets beaten down, with JBL screaming about aggravated assault. Eddie was really stretching in his promo and didn’t sound like he knew where he was going. Could it be because even he knows how awful this story has been?

Rico vs. Hardcore Holly

Rico kicks away in the corner as Jackie and Charlie Haas celebrate on the floor. The chinlock goes on as there’s just nothing going on here. Holly pops up and hits the kick to the very lower abdomen but the Alabama Slam is escaped. A dropkick that isn’t quite up to Holly’s usual standard gets two so Rico heads up top, only to have his high crossbody rolled through to give Holly the pin.

Rating: D. This was a fine example of two things. First of all, Rico can wrestle a watchable match when he’s just playing it straight (pun intended) and isn’t doing all of his shtick. It’s a shame that he got stuck with such a lame gimmick and never recovered. Unfortunately, the other thing it shows is how horrible the tag division is, with a team being thrown together (if they teamed on Velocity, it wasn’t mentioned here) and getting a pay per view title shot. That should never be the case but it’s happening here, and it’s likely to happen again.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie has been added to Sunday.

Earlier this week, Rene Dupree held a Cafe de Rene where he talked about how unwelcome he’s felt since coming to this country. America just can’t handle the world thinking there are better countries out there, which is why he’s been targeted by John Cena. On Sunday, he’s going to treat Cena like Americans treat Iraqi prisoners.

Mordecai debuts on Sunday.

Sakoda vs. John Cena

Non-title. Sakoda doesn’t go anywhere off a shoulder block but he bails to the floor anyway. Cena goes out to get him and gets kicked in the face by Akio. Back in and Sakoda knees Cena in the face and poses a bit, showing more fire in ten seconds than I’ve ever seen otherwise. We hit the sleeper until Cena fights up with the usual, capped off by the FU for the easy pin.

Rating: D+. Sakoda looked better than usual here, which isn’t saying much as he’s been little more than a warm body for months now. Cena needed a win to recharge things a bit after last week’s beatdown, even though I don’t think the title is in that much doubt. At least Cena could fire the crowd up a little bit after the JBL and Rene times killed the crowd’s energy.

Akio get FU’d onto Sakoda to even things up.

Raw ReBound.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio gets shoved down and JBL does that smile of his. Rey dropkicks it off his face so Bradshaw blasts him with a shoulder and some kicks to the back. The powerbomb doesn’t work and the chase is on with Rey trying a dive, only to get caught in a fall away slam on the floor.

Back in and the slow beating begins with a kick to the head and a suplex. The torture rack goes on and JBL runs over Rey for daring to escape. Rey fights out of a superplex and grabs a tornado DDT. That’s about it for the comeback though as Rey is sent outside and into various things like the announcers’ table. Back in and a buckle bomb sets up the Clothesline From JBL for the pin. Just a bit above a squash.

Rating: D. This was a good example of why JBL isn’t working in the role. His promos and character stuff are really dull and then it gets even worse in the ring. He’s just a power guy and there are people who are so much better at it than he is that it’s not fun to watch. It’s a good idea to have him go over someone like Mysterio but it’s WAY too late to have the result that they needed.

Post match JBL talks about how he doesn’t care about Eddie’s mother dying because it’s all about winning the title. Cole: “Will JBL’s stock rise on Sunday?” Oh good grief.

Overall Rating: F. Let’s see. There was no good wrestling. There were no good promos. I somehow care about Judgment Day even less than I did when this show started. That has to be one of the worst go home shows I’ve ever seen and when you consider how much they had to add to the pay per view on this show alone (an insane five matches out of an eight match card), it’s clear that they’re making this stuff up as they go.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 6, 2004
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Judgment Day and….well I haven’t actually watched the show in a good while as I stockpiled a bunch of reviews before I went on vacation. That was by design, as I tried to block out most of what was going on with this show. JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero is still coming up and that’s not exactly something I want to think about. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Michael Cole is in the ring to talk about Eddie Guerrero’s mother having a heart attack at an El Paso house show. Eddie had finished his match and invited his family into the ring, which was followed by tragedy. Since it’s so sad, let’s see a video of the whole thing. Eddie invited some women into the ring, starting with his wife Vickie (one of her first appearances), his daughters, and finally his mother, the latter of whom gets a rather long and glowing introduction.

Eddie presents her with a bouquet of roses, which brought out JBL, who must be a fan of lilies. The big clothesline takes Eddie out and JBL yells at the mother, who collapses in a heart attack that Fritz Von Erich would find to be a little much. Medics come out as Eddie chases JBL off to finally wrap this up.

Back in the arena, Cole and Tazz are rather somber, with Tazz even taking his sunglasses off.

John Cena vs. Doug Basham

Non-title. Before the match, Cena makes his usual gay jokes, this time at Doug’s expense. Oh and the Bashams are like Mary-Kate and Ashley. It takes a good minute into the match to have Cena throw his jersey into the crowd. Cole goes from talking about Cena’s Deez Nuts joke to Eddie’s mom having a heart attack, showing that great broadcasting ability. Cena slugs him into the corner to start until Doug scores with an elbow to the jaw. Danny trips Cena up for bad measure and Doug slaps on a sleeper. The belly to back suplex gets Cena out of trouble and it’s a pump of the shoes into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D. Just a quick win with some minor odds for Cena to overcome, much like his upcoming match with Rene Dupree. There’s no one for him to fight in the midcard at the moment so while I can appreciate the idea of bringing some people up, there’s going to be a rough transitional period, just like this one. Or maybe it’s just the Bashams and Dupree.

We recap Booker T. attacking Undertaker last week and getting chased off as a result.

To get a chance against the Undertaker, Booker visited a fortune teller. Her advice to deal with the evil shadow: find things for him, starting with dirt from the grave with no name. Oh this is going to be a rough one.

Here are Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Sr. (now dubbed Chavo Classic) with the latter talking about how sad he is at his mother’s heart attack. Jr. is wanting to face everyone, so tonight it’s an open challenge for a title shot.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Jacqueline is challenging because Paul London, Tajiri, Rey Mysterio, Brian Kendrick and probably half a dozen other people aren’t around for the sake of this angle. The Guerreros mock her for being a woman and want the real challenger out here instead. Jr. says this wouldn’t be fair because no man can beat him, so what chance does she have? She can either do, ahem, something else to him or make some sandwiches.

A slap starts the match and Chavo takes her down into an armbar without much effort. Jacqueline is up with a headscissors and a dropkick but Chavo belly to backs the heck out of her. Classic offers a distraction though and it’s a low blow into a rollup to give Jacqueline the pin and the title. So that happened. Anyone care? At all? At least Classic’s stunned face is funny.

The FBI is in the ring so here’s Kurt Angle to talk about how he thought last week’s negative crowd reaction in Oklahoma City was just a one off mistake. All the fans couldn’t possibly boo someone who has sacrificed as much as he has over the years. No matter how many people dislike him, he’s still the General Manager of this show. That’s why tonight, Undertaker is facing the FBI.

Undertaker vs. FBI

Just Stamboli and Nunzio to be destroyed here. Cole says he’s been having debates with a lot of people about whether Undertaker is alive or dead. I’m sure you have Cole, and odds are they’re at the airport. Undertaker cleans house to start and kicks Stamboli in the face. With Nunzio coming back up off the floor, Old School is broken up so Undertaker beats on Stamboli instead.

Post match Undertaker destroys both guys because he’s the Undertaker and they’re the FBI.

Booker finds the grave (good thing it was in the same city) and takes some of the dirt. After Booker leaves, a gloved hand pops out of the ground. Uh….yeah.

We look at the heart attack angle again, though thankfully a shorter version which still clocks in at longer than an Undertaker entrance.

Josh Matthews asks Eddie if he blames himself for the heart attack and Eddie’s glare sends Josh running off. Good. Keep going.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Well what else are you going to use to follow up an elderly woman having a heart attack and her son having an emotional breakdown? Rene Dupree is at ringside. Apparently Torrie is still being blamed for Angle’s injuries because she ticked Big Show off so much. Dawn kicks her down for an early two as Rene eerily stares at Torrie. A turnbuckle pad is ripped off and Torrie goes face first into it, only to come back with a clothesline.

The swinging neckbreaker, as in the only move Torrie can do, gets two and a high crossbody gets the same, despite Rene’s failed interference. Cue Cena to even things up and the fight is on as the match is thrown out somewhere in there. The stuff with the women was terrible and Cena vs. Dupree was slightly less terrible.

Dupree beats Cena up and takes him inside for a ram into the exposed buckle. Cena gets posted as well and a powerbomb puts him through the announcers’ table. Well, that’s better than giving Eddie’s mother a heart attack.

Back from a break and apparently Dupree beat him up even more during the commercial.

Pay per view rundown. With ten days to go before the show, you should probably have a fourth match announced.

JBL joins us from New York to deny all responsibility for the heart attack because he was just asking her to leave. Eddie had no right to bring his family into JBL’s place of business because it wasn’t bring your family to work day. There’s no need for an apology because the woman has already outlived her days. If Eddie wants to do something like that, he has to take responsibility for the consequences.

JBL isn’t here tonight to give Eddie a break but that won’t be the case next week. Oh and Eddie’s mom probably faked it because she taught Eddie to lie, cheat and steal. We get the illegal immigrant stuff to wrap it up. This story is still lame, mainly because it’s still Bradshaw trying to be intimidating.

Paul Heyman comes up to Angle and talks about Eddie being emotional. If Eddie explodes in the tag match main event, it’s going to be on Angle’s head. Angle agrees so Luther Reigns is tasked with going to find an unnamed replacement.

Dudley Boyz vs. Rob Van Dam/???

D-Von comes in and gets hurricanranaed, followed by a kick to the face to keep him in trouble. Bubba gets smart by grabbing Rob from the apron but gets kicked down for his efforts. Rey comes in for a 619 attempt, only to be tripped down by Bubba. Things slow down with Bubba yelling at Rey and punching him down for a bonus. A headscissors gets Rey out of trouble and a springboard bulldog is good for two.

D-Von uses a quick distraction to crotch Rey against the post though and we take a break. Back with D-Von holding Rey in a chinlock but slipping out of a suplex attempt. The hot tag to Van Dam is broken up though and double teaming ensues. Rey slips out again and now the hot tag works just fine. Van Dam’s top rope kick to the face gets two on D-Von and everything breaks down.

The split legged moonsault hits D-Von for two more with Bubba making the save. Rey’s springboard is pulled out of the air but Van Dam breaks up What’s Up. The Five Star misses D-Von so Rob enziguris him into the 619 instead. A Rolling Thunder/Dropping the Dime combination is good for the pin, because that’s the way to get over a suddenly angry act like the Dudleys.

Rating: C+. That’s one of the best Smackdown matches in far too long and that shows a lot of the problems with the show at the moment. This was built up as one of the major matches on the show and then they change it at the last minute, leaving us with a good match but not the one that they advertised. The Dudleys continue to be their same old selves though, and that’s not good for the spot they’re supposed to be in.

Post match the Dudleys beat the winners down until Eddie runs in for the save with a chair. Eddie throws the referee outside and starts swinging, including a shot to the referee and another to Van Dam. Bubba (already bleeding) and D-Von take second shots to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. A bunch of short matches, Jacqueline as Cruiserweight Champion instead of making someone into a new star (you know, like they did last year), and the heart attack angle are a little too much for the only so good main event to make up for. It’s such a dark time for Smackdown at the moment and unfortunately I don’t see that changing for a very, very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 29, 2004
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I can get through this. The last few weeks have been some of the most dreadful wrestling shows I can remember in a long time so I’m hoping that things are at least marginally better this time around. I’m not sure what you can expect here, but it’s hard to imagine the show getting much worse. You know, because saying that has never gotten me in trouble before. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle, in a leg cast and a wheelchair (pushed by a rather intimidating looking man) to open things up. After a little effort, Angle and his wheelchair (with a red white and blue back in the pattern of the French flag) are brought into the ring for a chat. Angle is rather emotional and says that he’ll never wrestle again because his knee is injured beyond repair.

The fans seem rather pleased with the news and Angle makes it better by saying his internal injuries are irreversible. His life is all over but nothing was going to stop him from being here tonight. The one thing he knows for sure is that the people are to blame for all of his problems. He came out here and the fans chanted YOU SUCK. Angle thought the circumstances would make things different but the people harbor this sick environment. He shouldn’t be alive and now he’s being ridiculed.

This is Big Show and Torrie Wilson’s fault so Angle demands that she come out here, without music. Angle blames her for all of this and tells the man (named Luther) to bring her over here. It must be nice to be perfect like her but she’s pathetic. Due to what she did, Angle can’t even have sex with his wife while she parades around all perfect. Therefore, he’s changing the rules on her as well. Tonight, her match with Rene Dupree is now No DQ.

Rene Dupree vs. Torrie Wilson

No DQ and Fifi is black this week. Dupree waistlocks her down to start so Torrie gets in a sunset flip. A bunch of slaps just make Rene slam her and here’s John Cena to go after Dupree for the no contest in about a minute. What a great use of TV time this was and we’re only about a fourth of the way through the show.

Post break and post recaps, Rene rants to Angle and gets a US Title shot at Judgment Day.

Cruiserweight Title: Nunzio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Post match Jr. says he’s bored and needs new competition. Therefore, next week, anyone who wants one can have a title shot, provided he’s never beaten them before.

We look back at the Dudleys turning on Rob Van Dam last week and Paul Heyman declaring it a good start.

Here’s a serious Van Dam for a chat. He wants the Dudleys out here right now but gets Heyman instead. Heyman says it wasn’t personal last week because Van Dam just happened to be in the ring. It could have been Vince McMahon himself because it just would have been the same result. Van Dam needs to be care what he wishes for because it’s going to be Heyman’s Dudleys, not the lovable ones. Cue the Dudleys through the crowd and the beatdown is on until Eddie Guerrero makes the save.

Booker T. is ready to slap the dead off the Undertaker.

Heyman leaves Angle’s office and tonight it’s the Dudley (which is going to mean Bubba because that’s all that makes sense) vs. Eddie. Egads who looked at last week’s show and thought it was worthy of a sequel? Don’t worry about Van Dam because he’s banned from ringside.

Mordecai is still coming. For some reason, this isn’t on the Network.

Booker T. vs. Billy Gunn

You have Booker T. on the roster and we’re watching JBL and the Dudley Boyz fighting the World Champion. I don’t even know what to say about that so we’ll move on to Cole saying how interesting this is because they’re both great tag wrestlers. Tazz: “It’s a singles match.” Gunn punches away to start so Booker kicks him in the face. A neckbreaker gives Booker two and another kick to the face puts Billy down again. Gunn scores with a suplex and the One and Only (cobra clutch slam) gets two. The Fameasser and the Book End both miss but Booker avoids a Stinger Splash. An ax kick gives Booker the pin.

Rating: D. Just a bunch of kicking and punching here as Booker’s “I’m a star” deal isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. That being said, he does at least have some star power and is a solid upper midcard act, making him one of the better people on this roster. The show is just so weak on talent and Booker is one of the few bright sports.

Post match here are Undertaker and Paul Bearer, though Booker actually stays in the ring. With the ring full of smoke, Booker says this isn’t happening tonight and goes to leave. Instead he grabs the urn and knocks Undertaker down before leaving through the crowd, taking the urn with him.

Post break, Angle makes Undertaker vs. Booker for Judgment Day. Neither Angle nor Undertaker have wrestled since Wrestlemania, but Angle can’t do it ever again. Undertaker doesn’t appreciate that so next week, he’s wrestling a to be announced opponent. Angle as the bitter boss isn’t quite working yet.

Raw ReBound. I wouldn’t point out how much better that show was than this one.

Rico and Jackie have stolen Charlie Haas’ trunks so Charlie has to wrestle in Rico’s gear. The words “come out” are used over and over.

Shawn Michaels and company welcomed some troops home in Texas. This goes on for awhile.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging and Charlie is in Rico’s gear. It’s funny you see. Doug makes Danny start with Rico with Rico blowing him a kiss. A lockup lets Rico get in a few spanks as Charlie is nearly sick. Doug comes in and get ridden around, followed by Charlie coming in and winding up behind him in the exact position you would expect. Rico spanks him a few more times and Doug runs away as Charlie looks sicker than earlier. The fans want home state Charlie in so Rico “comically” brings him in.

Danny makes a blind tag and sends Charlie into the post as the match turns into something normal for once. The Bashams start working on the arm with Doug driving his shoulder into Charlie’s until a backdrop gets Haas out of trouble. The hot tag brings in Rico for the variety of kicks to the head. Tazz: “Shades of Bruce Lee there.” Charlie tags himself and Rico kisses Danny into a German suplex to retain the titles.

Rating: D. Jim Cornette is crying over this one and I can’t say I blame him. He spent years turning these guys into stars down in OVW and this is what they get on the main roster. I’m still somewhat convinced that WWE decided to ruin these guys for the sake of annoying him/showing that they’re smarter than their own developmental. How else can you make sense of people like Rico or what the Bashams were just a few months ago?

We look back at Dupree and Cena earlier.

Judgment Day rundown. All three announced matches.

JBL is in New York to look at the Statue of Liberty and talk about how legal immigrants come to America this way. Eddie Guerrero and his family snuck across the border though and it’s a cancer that must be destroyed. Oh and poor people suck too. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. We have a guy from Texas who brags about how awesome New York City it while pushing ideas that the deep south would probably love, despite not being fans of people from the north, as in New York City. Brilliance!

Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Non-title with Heyman and Angle at ringside. D-Von’s early distraction lets Bubba score with a clothesline and the right hands in the corner begin. A headscissors gets Eddie out of trouble and a middle rope crossbody gets two. Bubba ties him in the Tree of Woe for a few loud chops though as Angle smiles evily.

Back up and Eddie sends Bubba outside for the plancha onto both Dudleys as we take a break. We come back with Eddie fighting out of a sleeper but getting punched back into the corner. Bubba gets two off a neckbreaker and grabs a headscissors on the mat of all things. Of course Bubba misses the middle rope backsplash and Eddie hits two of the Three Amigos.

The ref gets bumped and Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for no cover. Another attempt is countered into a DDT to give Eddie two so Heyman gets on the apron. Somehow the referee doesn’t notice D-Von going up for the Doomsday Device but Eddie victory rolls Bubba for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was slightly better than last week thanks to being a few minutes shorter and because Bubba is a better singles wrestler than D-Von but it’s still nowhere near good enough to be the main event. On top of that, they’re doing this mini feud with the Dudleys before we get to the JBL match, probably because they know how bad the JBL feud really is. Not a terrible match, but another boring one.

Post match the beatdown is on until Van Dam comes in for the saves. Stereo frog splashes hit the Dudleys and Angle makes the tag match for next week.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, that’s an upgrade. Just having Van Dam joining in at the end gave the show a little bit more of a spark, but having the Dudleys and JBL as the top heel wrestlers is death to the show. The whole show is so boring and there’s nothing that’s going to fix it anytime soon. It’s getting harder and harder to watch the show and things are likely only going to get worse. Just….be better. Please? Like, maybe a decent match for a change? Is that too much to ask for?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 22, 2004
Location: Prospera Palace, Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

So last week saw what should probably be the death of Kurt Angle after Big Show chokeslammed him off a balcony, breaking both Angle’s head and leg. Other than that we’re still getting ready for JBL’s World Title shot against champion Eddie Guerrero, which isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the chokeslam with Show suddenly being a slasher movie stalker who threatened to kill Torrie Wilson.

Cole and Tazz list off Angle’s injuries, including a broken leg, a severe concussion and internal injuries. No word on the BIG POOL OF BLOOD under his head? Or is that part of the concussion?

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T.

Thank goodness Booker has dropped the remixed version of his theme and has gone back to the original. Rob dives on him before the bell and the fight is on in a hurry. They head inside for the opening bell with Rob nailing the step over spinning kick and choking in the corner. Booker gets sent outside again and comes back inside, only to get clotheslined to the floor one more time.

As Cole continues to panic about the lack of a General Manager tonight (Then who made this match?), Booker gets in his own kick to the face and you can hear the fans lose some of their energy. A chinlock doesn’t last long as Rob breaks it up with a suplex and hits the middle rope kick to the face. Three straight legdrops have Booker in trouble as Rob keeps looking at the entrance. Rolling Thunder connects but some pyro goes off to break up the Five Star. Booker rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was fun while it lasted but this didn’t have the time to go anywhere, especially with the finish. You would think that last week’s DQ and then this week’s cheap finish would set up a pay per view match and it’s not like they have anything else to fill up the Judgment Day card in the first place. Not long enough to go anywhere but the long form match last week wasn’t exactly a classic anyway.

The pyro brings out Paul Heyman, who is in charge for one night only. After a break, he gets in the ring and says that Van Dam has a Thursday night show because Heyman built this show up in the first place. He’s already built up one brand and prostituted its legacy, meaning ECW. Rob would know about that as he’s ruined its legacy more than anyone else.

This brings out the Dudley Boyz with Bubba getting in Heyman’s face, saying that anything Heyman has to say to Rob about ECW can be said to the two of them as well. Heyman says they’ve become self parodies too, which is why he never tried to get the Dudleys on Smackdown.

When they left ECW, they became caricatures of their former selves. When did they do something extreme or newsworthy that people were talking about it the next day? At least Tazz got out of the ring when it was time so they should follow his lead. Now Bubba and D-Von are just Vince McMahon’s domesticated pets. That’s enough to get the Dudleys to beat down Rob with a low blow leaving him laying. Heyman says that was just a good start. You can only be so extreme in yellow camo shorts and Bubba has long since hit that ceiling.

Tag Team Titles: Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi vs. Charlie Haas/???

Scotty and Rikishi are defending and Charlie’s mystery partner is….Rico. Well of course it is because why make Haas into something of value? Rico and Rikishi start and you can almost guarantee that their time as Tag Team Champions won’t be mentioned whatsoever. Rikishi (who looks weird without wrist tape) sends Rico into the corner so Rico bends over in front of him.

Rikishi does the same so Rico tries a waistlock, which freaks the big man out. For some reason Rico tries a sunset flip so Rikishi spanks himself, only to have Rico do it as well. It’s off to Scotty and that means some ballroom dancing. Scotty tries to skin the cat and gets spanked as well before it’s off to Charlie with a limp wristed tag. Things settle down a bit until Charlie gets crotched on the post (Cole: “Rico’s not gonna like this!”). A double noggin knocker puts Charlie in even more trouble but Rico’s distraction lets him send Scotty into the buckle.

Rico comes back in for a suggestive rollup and gets kicked to the corner for a tag right back to Charlie. A few clotheslines send Charlie into the corner for the Stinkface….but Rico takes his place, making sure to put on Jackie’s lip balm first. Rikishi obliges and Rico needs a cigarette. Scotty loads up the Worm but Rico kisses him as Jackie grabs Rikishi from behind. The distracted Scotty gets rolled up for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D-. This was as good as it was going to be and the “comedy” was still unfunny. To be fair though, it’s not like the titles had any value in the first place so putting them on another makeshift comedy team isn’t exactly a death sentence. Just get them onto the Dudleys and be done with it already because they’re the only team of value on the show.

Long recap of Big Show losing his job and then his mind before Angle lost his healthy leg and a lot of blood.

JBL apologizes for something that happened earlier today at the airport. Apparently he ran into El Gran Luchador, the Heavyweight Champion of Mexico, and got challenged to a match tonight. The match is next, but first Heyman announces Eddie Guerrero vs. the Dudley. Which one? It doesn’t matter, as they look alike.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. El Gran Luchador

Luchador is a masked man with a Women’s Title painted red, white and green and played by Paul London. JBL shoves him down to start as the fans chant for MEXICO. A right hand puts Luchador down again and a delayed vertical suplex has JBL smiling. Luchador stops a charge in the corner with a raised boot and snaps off a headscissors.

A moonsault press gives Luchador two but JBL throws him down with the Last Call. JBL channels his inner Tito Santana with an ARRIBA, puts out an invisible cigarette on Luchador’s back and powerbombs the heck out of him….for two. He puts the unconscious Luchador’s arm on his chest for two more, followed by the Clothesline From JBL for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was perfect for you fans who have always wanted to see Bradshaw smiling a lot while beating up the most generic luchador this side of a Canadian named Sami. It wasn’t even the worst match I’ve ever seen or anything but it was really boring with the same Bradshaw offense that wasn’t been anything special in the entirety of his time with the APA. I mean, I know he has a radio show but that’s not exactly enough to make up for everything else.

It’s time for the Cafe de Rene with an accordion player and a mini Eiffel Tower. He doesn’t like the fans being happy about Angle’s injuries so it’s time to teach them some class. That brings him to his guest: Torrie Wilson. Tazz: “Hot women, poodles and accordions.” Rene pours her some wine and mentions the Divas Magazine before going into an interrogation about last week.

Why was she laughing about Big Show losing his job? It’s her fault that Angle isn’t here enjoying wine. He gets out of his chair and yells more, saying Torrie is everything wrong with North American women who need men to do everything. A comparison to Fifi is enough to get Rene slapped in the face so he picks her up, drawing in John Cena for the save and wreck the set.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Jr. starts for the team, which is the best option they have. You know, of the two. Cena slams him down a few times without much effort and it’s already time for a breather. Back in and Cena scores with a shoulder but Sr.’s distraction lets Jr. get in a few shots. A knee to the back sets up a dropkick to give Jr. two and it’s Sr. coming in for some stomping.

That’s it for Papa Guerrero as Jr. is back in to work on the ribs. A rather vocal CENA chant doesn’t get him out of trouble as the rapid tagging and forearms to the back continue. Cena fights back without much effort but Sr. breaks up the FU. Sr. takes it instead but Jr. knocks Cena outside. Cue Dupree to post Cena though and it’s a brainbuster to give Jr. the pin.

Rating: D. It wasn’t a clean loss, but my goodness the idea of Dupree getting the first shot at the US Title is a bit much. He really does show how little depth there is to Smackdown at the moment, or maybe just how worthless May’s pay per view is going to be. Cena is exploding at the moment, but he needs something better to do.

In the back, Heyman makes Torrie vs. Dupree for next week.

Mordecai is coming to clean WWE of impurity. He says the day of judgment draws near, which should mean his debut.

Here’s Booker T. for a chat. He’s the biggest star here on Smackdown and every one of the suckers here knows it. Those same suckers who cheered him just a few months ago are now asking him why. He went from being a star on Raw to being a mega star here on Smackdown. Now it’s time to bring everyone up to his level because he’s the best thing ever on Smackdown. Pretty soon he’ll be the most famous man in America….and there goes the gong. Booker shows off his intelligence and bails through the crowd without Undertaker actually appearing.

Raw ReBound.

We recap the Tag Team Title change.

Rico is very happy with the titles and grabs a handful of Charlie. He thinks it was Jackie, but then realizes what really happened.

Eddie Guerrero vs. D-Von Dudley

Non-title with Heyman at ringside. Which Dudley it was is treated as a big deal with Bubba starting but D-Von jumps Eddie from behind to actually wrestle the match. You know, because it totally matters here. A backdrop puts Eddie down and a trip to the floor lets Bubba get in a clothesline.

Back in and a delayed suplex gives D-Von two, followed by the neck crank. It’s almost like D-Von has nothing special for offense and shouldn’t be in a long form singles match. Eddie low bridges him to the floor where Bubba offers a distraction, setting up the double countout. And never mind as before I can finish typing that, Heyman says we’re still going. Cole: “This atrocity is going to continue!” Dude it’s been about five minutes and Eddie wasn’t exactly hanging on by his fingertips.

We take a break and come back with Eddie suplexing his way out of a belly to back suplex. A super hurricanrana gives Eddie two but D-Von gets his neckbreaker out of the corner. The sleeper goes on and Bubba yells at fans. With Heyman standing in front of commentary, Cole talks about how Heyman hasn’t said a word all match….as he’s talking to Bubba. It takes talent to be as stupid as Cole really is.

Eddie finally gets out of the sleeper and avoids a middle rope elbow but D-Von is right there to break up the frog splash. A superplex gives D-Von two but Eddie starts his dancing comeback. The interfering Bubba is brought in so D-Von grabs a small package with Bubba holding the foot to pin Eddie. This would be the second match in a row where a champion is pinned thanks to interference.

Rating: D. I feel like I need a nap after watching that match. D-Von is part of a tag team for a reason: he’s not very interesting on his own. There’s not much that Eddie can do when his opponent’s big move in a fifteen minute match is a neckbreaker. I’m not sure why the Dudley Boyz are supposed to be the new monster team, as it’s just them with a heel turn. I need a lot more than that.

Post match JBL comes in to powerbomb Eddie. The Clothesline From JBL ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. That main event is a great allegory for the whole show’s problems right now. There is talent on the roster but they need better people to work with them. Cena vs. Dupree, Eddie vs. JBL and the less entertaining version of Too Cool vs. the latest oddball combination isn’t exactly my idea of a good show. There’s nothing on here worth seeing and I’m really not sure I see that changing for a very long time. Sometimes you’ll see a show rise up to overcome its lack of talent but this one ran in the other direction and was dragged down. Horrible week and one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen from Smackdown.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 15, 2004
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Is it too much to ask to have more than one big story on the show? Last week saw JBL announced as the new #1 contender in a story that dominated the last two weeks. The second biggest story has been Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam, which feels a long way down the ladder. That’s the main event tonight though so maybe it’s going to get a little better. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of last week’s big angle, partially set to Steve Blackman’s music for some reason.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to open things up. He’s received about 27 phone calls this week from Kurt Angle (complete with an imitation, with Angle insisting that he DOES NOT suck), demanding an apology. JBL isn’t a great American because of his riches. See, JBL has been trying to pull one over on the fans by saying he’s from New York in his business suits. Eddie looks at him and sees a great American sellout.

JBL’s money doesn’t make him better or smarter than anyone else….and here’s an approved message from JBL on the screen. It’s a campaign style ad focusing on Eddie’s lying, cheating and stealing, which has a small vocal minority. Real Americans need to silence that voice and support a good man like JBL. Eddie says he’s tired of dealing with this same stuff since he became champion and he’s sick of it. Yeah he does all those things but he worked hard to get here. It took him seventeen years to get his first title shot and it wasn’t handed to him in a bogus award ceremony. Now JBL is #1 contender so let’s do it tonight.

Instead here’s Kurt Angle, who doesn’t appreciate any of this. Angle doesn’t appreciate him (how rude) so Eddie can have his title match tonight. Now it’s JBL in the limo to interrupt. He’d love to face Eddie tonight but after a week of shaking hands and kissing babies (and some baby mamas), he’s a little tired so the match can’t take place tonight. Angel agrees and lets JBL have his title match at Judgment Day. Tonight, it’s Eddie vs. Big Show. Eddie is stunned, as am I over this somehow taking nearly eighteen minutes.

Post break Show comes in to see Angle and JBL. He wants to know if he has a WWE Championship match tonight, but that’s a big negative. Show yells at both of them and isn’t happy with being their enforcer. If he can’t beat Eddie tonight, he quits.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Non-title and there are a lot of Cena signs in the crowd. We have two champions in the ring so the opening commentary is all about Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero. Cena doesn’t respond well to being slapped in the face and slaps Chavo even harder as the announcers actually notice a match going on.

A headlock and a clothesline keep Chavo in trouble and it’s off to the second headlock on the mat. Chavo sends him outside and Chavo Sr. gets in a cowboy boot to the back of the head. Back in and we hit a camel clutch (continuing the family tradition) for all of five seconds before Cena powers out. A dropkick gives Chavo two but Cena is right back with the running shoulder. The Throwback, followed by taking Sr. out, sets up the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. You would kind of expect something a little better from two champions, but I can’t say I’m surprised that the Cruiserweight Champion was beaten clean in such short order. I could have gone for a botched interference from Sr. or something but it’s not like the Cruiserweight Champion is on the US Champion’s level in the first place.

Video on Booker’s initial complaints about being on Smackdown. It looks like we’ll be going over the whole history to set up the main event. All two weeks of it.

Rene Dupree is having a new romantic dinner with Fifi (a different dog this week) and announces his new interview segment starting next week: Cafe de Rene.

Charlie Haas is warming up when Jamie Noble comes in. Jamie tells him to not worry about amateur wrestling when he faces Rico. It might as well be an intergender match. Charlie isn’t worried so Jamie talks about all the things Rico might do. The final advice: don’t let Rico get you from behind. Nunzio comes in and wishes Haas good luck too.

Rico vs. Charlie Haas

Jobber entrance for Charlie. Rico and Jackie Gayda pose on a mini stage on the way to the ring. We start with some prancing and Charlie is disgusted by an early lockup. Charlie takes him down and shouts about Rico being sick so Rico reverses and starts groping. Rico gets behind him and Charlie bails to the ropes as this is firmly in bad comedy territory.

A sunset flip lets Rico pull the trunks down, meaning more humor. Charlie forearms him in the face and chokes away as the announcers find this hilarious. Rico slips out of a suplex and kisses Haas, who bails to the floor. That’s enough to send Haas bailing to the floor for some water, but Rico pulls up his thong to scare Haas off for the countout.

Rating: F. Hey, did you know that wrestlers who may be gay are “sick” and apparently disgusting? They also seem to be completely incapable of not molesting their opponents, which seems to be the case with every WWE wrestler using the same gimmick. This is always so dumb and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse.

Post match Haas vomits. Fair enough.

JBL promises Show a pizza if he wins but Show says he’s doing this for himself.

A man in a white beard is surrounded by candles and reads a bunch of Bible verses. His name is Mordecai and he’s here to be the right hand of the destroyer. Oh dear indeed. Cool vignette though.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show

Non-title with Show’s career on the line. Show wastes no time in hammering away and a headbutt puts Eddie down. Some tosses send Eddie from corner to corner and there’s a choke for good measure. Eddie gets smart by stomping on the foot but another headbutt keeps him in trouble. Show makes it even worse with the loud chops but a low bridge takes him to the floor.

Eddie dropkicks him down again and we take a break. Back with Show choking on the mat before starting in on the arm. He even gets smart by wrapping Eddie’s arm around the rope. That doesn’t suit Show very well so let’s try a bearhug instead, followed by a big boot. It’s right back to the arm, which really doesn’t seem right coming from Show. Eddie’s comeback is cut off by a clothesline and Show walks around the ring a bit. Now that suits him very well.

Eddie gets knocked outside and finds a wrench under the ring, which he loads into the back of Show’s boot. The referee catches Show pulling it out and the distraction lets Eddie hammer away. Is there a reason why he didn’t distract the referee and hit Show with the wrench? A middle rope tornado DDT puts Show down but the kickout sends Eddie into the referee. With no one looking, Eddie gets in a low blow and another DDT, setting up the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: D. Well this didn’t need to be fifteen minutes long to put it mildly. To be fair though, Show was in need of knee surgery (hence him leaving) so he probably wasn’t moving nearly as well as he would have otherwise. Eddie won just as he should have and he did what he could, but there’s a limit to what a hampered Show can pull off.

Post match Eddie leads the fans in an extended Goodbye Song, which seems to hurt Show’s feelings.

Clip of Van Dam winning his first match on Smackdown and Booker being miserable.

Show is leaving and runs into Torrie laughing with the makeup lady. That must be about him so Show gets in her face and leaves. Torrie is terrified and leaves because she doesn’t have a match tonight.

Teddy Long introduces Mark Jindrak, who has the perfect body and the looks of Adonis. Mark looks at himself in a mirror and Teddy calls him the Reflection of Perfection over and over.

Mark Jindrak vs. Spike Dudley

Jindrak throws him into the corner to start and starts talking trash, followed by a pretty impressive dropkick to knock Spike off the top. A delayed one arm vertical suplex keeps Spike down and the belly to back suplex into a side slam finishes him in a hurry. Total squash.

Video of Booker walking out on Van Dam tonight. Do they really need to stretch out a show this much?

Raw ReBound looks at just about everything on the show.

Torrie goes to leave but Show comes up (from the direction that Torrie was looking, though she’s still surprised) and yells at her for laughing. He kicks in the windows of her car as Torrie begs him to calm down. Show breaks more windows and then turns the car over. Torrie runs away screaming and Show very slowly walks after her. Somehow this took nearly five minutes.

In case we didn’t spend enough time on it already, here are two replays of the car being flipped.

Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam

It’s the rare serious Van Dam this week. Rob stomps him down in the corner to start and gets two off a standing moonsault. They head outside with Booker in even more trouble, this time off some kicks to the ribs. The spinning kick to the back knocks Booker off the barricade and we take a break.

Back with Booker hot shotting him for what sounds like his first real offense. Booker hits a neckbreaker and Tazz thinks he’s going after the neck. Even Cole mocks him for making such an obvious observation and Booker drops a knee for two. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Van Dam is back up, only to be kicked right back down.

The Book End is blocked and Van Dam hits his step over spinning kick to the face. Rob’s springboard kick to the face gets two and the split legged moonsault gets the same. Booker rolls away from the Five Star though and Booker superkicks him into the ropes with Rob’s arms getting tied up. A bunch of right hands actually get Booker disqualified at the five count. You don’t see that every day.

Rating: C-. It was far from great or even very good but at this point I’ll take anything I can get. The feud isn’t quite as big of a deal as WWE seems to think it is, though there’s a story to it that doesn’t revolve around the idea of Rico kissing someone or a cowboy hat, which puts it ahead of a lot of the stuff on this show.

Post match Booker beats on him a little more and does a Spinarooni.

Show has somehow caught Torrie (who was running while he slowly walked) and has her above a conveniently placed ledge. He threatens to throw her off the ledge until Angle shows up. Angle says he’s the one who gets in trouble if something happens to Torrie and violence is threatened. Torrie is allowed to leave so Angle goes after Show, who chokeslams him off the ledge, setting up a loud THUD. We look down and Kurt is unconscious with blood flowing from the back of his head and his leg bent at a rather nasty angle. So that’s it for Show and Angle seems to be close to dead. I guess that’s at least half of a happy ending?

Overall Rating: D-. Another horrible show, this time with the completely stupid Rico match, Torrie running away like the girl in a slasher movie and Angle being nearly murdered. Eddie and Big Show had a horrible match and now we’re gearing up for JBL vs. Eddie in over a month. If Van Dam vs. Booker is as good of a secondary story as they have, it’s going to be a very, very long year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 8, 2004
Location: SBC Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Just realizing that this is going to be heavy on the JBL makes me feel deflated. Eddie Guerrero is trying but they’re fighting over a hat and JBL’s stock portfolio. Who in the world is this supposed to appeal to? Those hardcore capitalist wrestling fans? Or the people who are cowboy hat enthusiasts? It’s certainly not likely to appeal to the more hardcore fans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Great American Award and JBL being added to the mix because reasons. Eddie ruining JBL’s hat is thrown in as a bonus.

Opening sequence.

Here’s JBL to open things up, complete with Cole ripping on the horned limo which sounds like something that’s going to become a trend. JBL talks about being glad he left this state to go to New York City. Tonight he’s going to win the Great American Award and represent the country as only he can. He talks about the hat desecration and even though the money doesn’t bother him, it’s all about the principle.

JBL pulls out his money clip and offers $1000 to anyone who can do something. The fans are excited so we get a quick jab at welfare (“Now you’re cheering me because I’m giving out money.”) as a fan gets chosen. It’s a guy in a Latino Heat shirt coming across the barricade, which JBL equates to him crossing a river. His name is Enrique (“Piece of advice: go by the name Ricky.”) and if he can wax the hood of the limo in less than one minute, he’ll get $1000. With thirteen seconds left, JBL pours most of the bottle of wax out and that’s too much. No money, as people like Enrique can’t depend on the rich for a handout.

Well he’s no Ted DiBiase. I know DiBiase did the same kind of thing back in the day, but it’s not quite the same thing. First of all, a character like that fit in well in the 1980s, especially one as over the top with it like DiBiase. You could buy him as this rich guy who flaunted his money, especially with the over the top laugh. DiBiase was the kind of character that felt like he belonged in a bad movie, which fit in with the late 1980s WWF. JBL actually is a financial analyst and has all this money, which makes it feel too real. When you take away the over the top nature, the entertaining part of the character goes away.

The bigger thing though is the same problem it’s always been: it’s Bradshaw. We’ve seen the guy for over eight years now and he’s never been more than a brawler in a tag team. Who is going to buy him as suddenly being a World Champion caliber wrestler? It’s one of the reasons people compare him to Jinder Mahal: you can’t go from being a low level guy to the top of the promotion overnight. It’s too much of a jump and the fans aren’t going to buy it.

We go over the nominees.

Dudley Boyz vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi

Non-title. D-Von and Rikishi open things up and we get a clean break in the corner. Some right hands from D-Von (he’s pretty good at those) don’t have much effect so it’s off to Scotty to pick up the pace. Bubba comes in to elbow him in the back and then hit him between the eyes with a right hand. Scotty gets in a shot of his own though and the hot tag brings in Rikishi. D-Von is sent outside and Rikishi flattens Bubba in the corner. A blind tag brings Scotty back in and Rikishi clotheslines both Dudleys. Everything breaks down and Rikishi gets posted, allowing D-Von to break up the Worm. The 3D finishes Scotty.

Rating: D. The ending picked things up a bit but the Tag Team Champions shouldn’t be losing clean in less than five minutes. They’re not a great team in the first place but protect the titles at least a little bit. Or just give them to the Dudleys already, who may be stale but they’ve got way more credibility than what we’re getting at the moment.

Charlie Haas tells Angle that he can be better than Shelton Benjamin on Raw, but then freaks out at the notion that he might not be able to do it. Big Show, Haas’ partner tonight, comes in and says the award is his.

Rico and Miss Jackie are here next week.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jamie Noble

Chavo is defending and has his dad with him but Noble counters with….regular tights instead of the cutoff jeans. A flying mare takes Noble down but he’s right back up with a backdrop to the floor. That means a suicide dive to drop the champ, only to have Chavo Sr. offer a distraction so the son can take over again. A Vertebreaker is broken up and Noble grabs a neckbreaker. Noble gets two off a middle rope legdrop but Chavo rolls him up and grabs the rope to retain.

Rating: C-. The time hurt it (again) but this was a good example of two talented guys getting to show off. Chavo grabbing the ropes is a perfectly fine way to get him out of the match and make him look like a heel so what else can you ask them to do? Well giving Chavo some more credible challengers might help. Still though, not a bad match while it lasted.

Theodore Long offers his services to Orlando Jordan and Shannon Moore. Not so much to Spike Dudley, so Spike wants to fight Long tonight. That’s a no, even if Long is taller than him. Long actually agrees to “play whitey’s game” and the match is on.

Rob Van Dam offers to reform the team with Booker T. but Booker isn’t up for it. They treat people different around here and Booker will cheat however he has to. Rob has his back around here if Booker needs it. That’s enough for Booker actually and they’ll go after the Tag Team Titles.

John Cena vs. Danny Basham

Non-title and a jobber entrance for Basham. Before the match, Cena plays to the crowd a bit and they seem VERY happy to see him. Cena is ready to win tonight and had fun messing with Rene Dupree’s dog last week. After making a George Gervin reference (look him up), we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start until Cena hits him in the face for two. A poke to the eye allows some Twin Magic but Cena shrugs it off. Basham’s sunset flip is blocked and it’s the Throwback, the Shuffle and the FU for the easy pin. Pretty much a squash as Cena has figured out the formula.

Booker T./Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas/Big Show

Rob and Charlie start things off as the mini feud continues. Charlie gets the better of it to start but makes the mistake of going after Booker, allowing Rob to kick him down. A clothesline drops Van Dam and it’s off to Show for the big beating in the corner, including the loud chop. Van Dam gets away from Charlie and goes over for a tag but Booker is on the floor yelling at Big Show. That means it’s a gorilla press to Van Dam and it’s back to Haas, who gets kicked down.

Rob goes for the tag but that’s not cool with Booker, who walks away. Booker says he didn’t want to do this and Haas puts on a bearhug. Some more kicks get Rob out of trouble and a monkey flip sends Charlie down. Van Dam makes the mistake of kicking Show down though, meaning the Five Star to Haas doesn’t even get a count as Show comes in with the chokeslam. Haas gets the easy pin.

Rating: D+. That was all about the angle instead of the match so there was only so much they could do. The Booker heel turn is fine and should set up a match with Van Dam at Judgment Day, which isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world but Booker doesn’t have an expensive hat. I’ll give them points for pushing Haas as a midcard act though, as it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Post break Van Dam glares at Angle and gets Booker next week as a result. So much for the pay per view match (more than likely).

Orlando Jordan vs. Rene Dupree

Dupree gets aggressive to start and pounds Jordan out to the floor. More forearms follow but Jordan gets two off a rollup. A spinebuster sets up the French Tickler (with Tazz singing) and the Michinoku Driver finishes Jordan in very short order.

Theodore Long is warming up and is actually in great shape.

Angle wants Eddie Guerrero in his office immediately.

John Cena has run away with the Great American votes, with over 280,000 out of 420,000 cast. Booker was in second with less than 70,000.

Raw Rebound.

Eddie come in to see Angle and talks about how cool the trophy is. The trophy is taken to the ring and Angle gets serious. Eddie isn’t going to be in front of the people tonight so he has the night off.

Theodore R. Long vs. Spike Dudley

Actually hang on as Long thinks Spike needs a warmup.

Johnny The Bull vs. Spike Dudley

Johnny wastes no time in picking Spike up for one heck of a launch into the air for an even bigger crash. The bearhug goes on but Spike slips out and avoids a charge in the corner. The Dudley Dog finishes Johnny in a hurry.

Post match Teddy gets in the ring but here’s Mark Jindrak to beat Spike down as Teddy’s new client.

Here’s Angle for the Great American Award presentation. The nominees (Cena, Haas, Booker, Big Show and JBL) are all brought out and we take a break. Back with Angle trying to talk over the CENA chants. We see the votes and Angle is ready to announce Cena as the winner but JBL says hang on a second. He’s the most American of all of us and he has proof.

We go to a video of….oh dear….JBL at the Mexican border, where he goes on a whispered rant about how these people come to our country and steal everything we have. People who made their own money like JBL aren’t supposed to pay for all these illegal immigrants. JBL sees someone sneaking across the border (his words) and chases them down, going into a loud rant about how they need to go back to Mexico because he’ll be waiting on this side. I’m not going near that one so let’s go back to the arena as fast as possible.

That’s enough for Angle, who wins the trophy and the title shot. The trophy is unveiled….and it’s been replaced by a picture of Eddie. Cue Eddie, with the trophy attached to the hood of the low rider. Eddie says he found it in the parking lot and brings it inside to JBL. Before he hands it over though, Eddie leans on the eagle’s wing and breaks it off. A trophy shot to the ribs has JBL bailing and Angle follows. Despite Angle’s threats, Eddie smashes the trophy with a chair to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The biggest problem here is there’s only one story that really matters. Other than JBL and the World Title, the biggest story here seems to be Booker turning heel. Aside from that, what in the world is there to talk about? The Dudleys wanting the Tag Team Titles? Mark Jindrak joining Theodore Long? I need a lot more support for the rather dull main event stuff and that’s just not happening right now. A good match might help too.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 1, 2004
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re officially in the JBL Era here and that’s going to go on for a long time. Last week we saw the debut of the new character, followed by him interfering in an Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T. World Title match. I was hoping that it was just a bad dream but now it seems that we’re going to be in for the long haul. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, which STILL includes Rock.

Here’s General Manager Kurt Angle to open things up. There’s something behind him underneath a black blanket, which Cole thinks might be a surprise. Angle talks about sacrificing his in-ring career for the good of both the fans and Smackdown. He can’t do it alone though and needs someone to step up and help him.

Tonight, someone needs to show that they’ve earned what is underneath the blanket: a trophy, which is the Kurt Angle Great American Award. Eddie Guerrero isn’t eligible, mainly because the winner gets the next shot at Eddie’s title. Tonight there will be a series of matches with the winners being the official nominees, with the first match beginning right now.

Great American Award Nominee Match: Big Show vs. Rikishi

Rikishi slugs away to start but gets knocked down with next to no effort. The slow beating begins, including the boot choke in the corner. One heck of an overhand chop puts Rikishi down but he superkicks Show in the corner. The Stinkface is broken up though and the chokeslam gives Show the pin. They kept it short, as they should have.

Earlier today, JBL with the horned limo arrived, complete with him yelling at the Latino driver, especially for not speaking English. Cole hypes up JBL’s portfolio beating the stock market SEVEN YEARS IN A ROW, which is now the way you push a top heel.

Rey Mysterio/Spike Dudley vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Chavo has new music. Rey and Jr. start things off with Mysterio’s standing Lionsault getting caught, only to have him armdrag Jr. down. Everything breaks down and it’s a Bronco Buster to Jr. and Spike’s running corner stomping on Sr. Rey gets crotched on top though and Sr. comes in for a butterfly suplex.

The fans think Chavo sucks and Tazz wants to know which one. My money is on Jr., who comes in with a camel clutch to Rey. That doesn’t last long and Rey sends Jr. into a right hand from Spike, who comes in for more offense than you’re usually going to see from him. Jr. saves his dad from a 619 so Spike Dudley Dogs Jr. while kicking Sr. to the floor for the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s a bad night for the champions so far and the match just wasn’t working very well. I can certainly go for having Spike as a cruiserweight more than as the plucky underdog though and at least he’s getting some more time. That being said, if you’re going to use this to likely set up a title match, maybe you shouldn’t have had Spike lose to Jr. last week.

Post match JBL comes in to beat up Rey and Spike, because cruiserweights mean nothing around here.

Great American Award Nominee Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas

Rematch from last week, though Haas now has new trunks. Haas tries to take it to the mat but has to avoid a kick to the face. Another attempt gets Rob on the mat, though jumping him from behind works. Unfortunately for Haas, the second attempt at kicking him in the face works as well but Haas is smart enough to start in on the leg. A headscissors sends Haas to the floor and he picks up a chair. Cole: “Great Americans don’t run around hitting people in the head with steel chairs.”

Back in and more shots to the leg have Rob in trouble and Haas wraps it around the post a few times. Charlie pulls him down by the leg again and puts on a half crab, which works a bit better than last week. Van Dam still gets out in a hurry, but this time Haas doesn’t get kicked in the face. A trip up top takes too long though and now Haas gets kicked in the head. Rolling Thunder (What leg injury?) gets two but the Five Star misses. Haas rolls to the floor and grabs the chair to knock the suicide dive out of the way, setting up the double countout.

Rating: C-. Not bad, Van Dam’s selling issues aside. I can appreciate the idea of building Haas up though as you can always have a good technical guy on the roster to get a good match out there. Haas isn’t likely to go anywhere and going 0-1-1 in two matches isn’t the best start, but the talent is clear and with a few wins, he could be a fine midcarder.

Actually hang on as Angle comes out and says Haas wins because he was ahead on points. Well yeah, he certainly was. Cole, obviously lacking an eye for talent, freaks out.

Video on JBL’s big promo and interference from last week. They’re certainly going full speed ahead with this guy.

We look back at JBL getting out of the limo earlier and then beating up Mysterio and Spike.

Booker wants in on the Great American Award and gets a Nominee match with Hardcore Holly. So Booker is slumming it with Holly while freaking BRADSHAW is pushed as one of the top heels. Who writes this nonsense?

Video on the WWE getting an award from the USO.

Great American Award Nominee Match: Booker T. vs. Hardcore Holly

They trade shots in the corner to start as Cole talks about earning respect on Smackdown. You know, like Holly has done for all those years. Holly knocks him to the floor for a seven count so Booker comes back in with the hook kick to the face. A delayed vertical suplex gives Holly two and it’s off to the armbar.

Booker fights up and gets two off a side slam before dropping a knee. An elbow gives Holly two and it’s back to the armbar. Back up and Booker’s Cactus Clothesline puts them on the floor as we take a break. We come back with the side kick putting Holly on the floor but not being able to suplex him onto the steps.

Instead Holly suplexes him onto the floor and throws Booker back inside, only to have Booker get two off his twisting sunset flip out of the corner. Holly makes the fired up comeback and gets two of his own off a powerslam. The dropkick gets two but Booker Book Ends him for the same. With nothing else working, Booker grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. The post break half was way better than the first but my goodness why is Hardcore Holly going move for move with Booker T. for more than fifteen minutes? I don’t know who in the world thinks JBL is a better top heel than Booker (at least given their statuses at the moment) but we really are getting Booker as the midcard act who has trouble beating Holly while JBL gets to run people over.

Dudley Boyz vs. Akio/Sakoda

Bubba headlocks Sakoda to start and shoulders him down, only to have Akio kick Bubba in the back of the head to take over. The stomping begins, which makes sense given that Akio and Sakoda are just generic villains now that Tajiri is gone. Sakoda cranks on the neck but Bubba just blasts him with an overhand chop. It’s off to Akio so Bubba hits a pretty good looking spear to cut him down as well. The diving tag brings in D-Von to clean house and the villains are sent into each other. A 3D finishes Akio in short order.

Rating: D. Just a short match here as the Dudleys are still getting settled in around here. That being said, the Dudleys vs. Scotty/Rikishi isn’t exactly a big time match so I’d assume a title change before we get to the title showdown. Akio and Sakoda aren’t bad by any stretch, but they’re not going anywhere without a few tweaks.

We look at the nominees for the Great American Award.

The Dudleys check on Spike when Teddy Long comes in to offer his services. Well for Bubba and D-Von at least.

Raw Rebound looks at Chris Jericho ripping Trish Stratus apart and Shelton Benjamin upsetting HHH.

Eddie arrives and talks to the limo driver. Plans seem to be forming.

Rene Young and Fifi come out for commentary with Tazz interviewing the dog.

Great American Award Nominee Match: John Cena vs. Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli

Cena gets a heck of a reception as the star power is growing at a remarkable rate. He doesn’t think much of the other nominees because that award is his. Cena also throws in an insult to Dupree and Fifi, suggesting that Cole is in love with him. I’ll let you figure out who Cena is talking about. Cena easily pounds Stamboli down and knocks Nunzio off the apron before catapulting Stamboli into his partner. The Throwback and Shuffle set up the FU to put Stamboli away. I don’t think Cena is even sweating.

Post match Cena gets in Dupree’s face.

Angle recaps the Great American Award process and wants Eddie in the ring next.

Here’s Angle with the trophy for an announcement. He’s proud of the locker room because they’ve shown that HHH wouldn’t have lasted five minutes here. The award will be given out next week because the fans can vote for the winner. Make your choice careful too, as the winner will be the new #1 contender to Eddie’s title. This brings out Eddie, who cuts Angle off a few times to annoy the boss.

Eddie is ready to fight right now but Angle isn’t going to do that because he’s the General Manager. Instead, he wants someone skilled to take the title from Eddie. Someone who is as adept at the stock market as Eddie is at stealing cars. That would of course be JBL, who is now the fifth nominee for the Award. JBL comes out in the limo and climbs on top to thank Angle for the nomination. He can’t wait to get out of here and get back to New York City to his Central Park home.

We hear about all of his TV and radio show appearances, plus hear a plug for his TALK RADIO SHOW! As for Eddie, last week was just business and now he wants the WWE Championship. Eddie wants to make it personal and climbs onto the limo where he steals the hat as JBL goes back in through the moon roof. With JBL saying that the hat costs $1000, Eddie passes it around the arena, telling fans to put whatever they want into it. Angry Texas ranting ends the show. I don’t know about you, but I could really go for more from the #1 contender than “I wear expensive hats and talk about the stock market”.

Overall Rating: D-. So, much like last week, we got to see the new names showing up and having matches that meant absolutely nothing because it’s clear that JBL is getting the shot and didn’t have to wrestle a match to get there. The wrestling ranged from pretty meh to bad and then you have the entire change of pace at the end of the show. Just a worthless show as you can see the cliff coming from here and that makes it really hard to watch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: March 25, 2004
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the Draft Lottery and the big move saw HHH come over to the blue brand. That opens up several doors and after the end of Raw, there’s a good chance that we’ll be seeing him challenge Eddie Guerrero for the SmackDown World Title again soon. Other than that, the big name would be Rob Van Dam, who could help move some people forward. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We get a long recap of the Draft picks, with a long look at HHH and Paul Heyman. With Heyman quitting, there is no Smackdown General Manager. I think we have a plot point.

Opening sequence, featuring a lot of Eddie Guerrero.

Here’s HHH….’s music but instead we get Kurt Angle in a suit. He gets straight to the point: Heyman ha quit so we need a new General Manager. Tazz: “It’s gotta be Stephanie McMahon. It’s gotta be.” And it’s Angle, because Tazz isn’t that bright. Angle is putting his wrestling career on hold so he can be in charge. He won’t back down from anyone, including HHH.

Earlier today, HHH demanded a rematch with Eddie Guerrero but got turned down, partially because he’s been traded back to Raw for the Dudley Boyz and Booker T. (along with Miss Jackie and Rico, with A-Train and Chuck Palumbo also going to Raw, though none of those are announced here). Booker comes out to say he’s not happy to be here. He liked wrestling on Raw because the fans over there appreciated him.

Video on the European tour, including John Cena in a kilt.

Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas

After we hit the pose, Van Dam sends him into the ropes but gets carried like a fireman. Some spinning kicks have Haas in trouble and some armdrags set up an armbar. Van Dam tries to go up top but gets shoves off and into the barricade, which tends to happen to him quite often. Back in and Charlie ties the leg up in the rope for some stomping and it’s off to a half crab.

Since Rob is Rob, he uses the free leg to kick his way out of trouble. Another kick to the face has Charlie in trouble and Rolling Thunder gets two. Haas’ rollup in the corner gets the same, though the feet on the ropes help a bit. Charlie unhooks the turnbuckle pad but gets small packaged for the fast pin.

Rating: D. That was certainly a match. Van Dam isn’t exactly the best in the world in this situation and even someone talented like Haas can’t get much out of him. Van Dam needs to either be a big underdog or on a team as he’s not exactly going to get much otherwise. Pretty bad match here but Van Dam is going to be a big star no matter what.

Clip of Rene Dupree being drafted to Smackdown.

Clip of the big brawl that ended this week’s Raw with Steve Austin getting involved.

Billy Kidman vs. Rene Dupree

Rene has Fifi the poodle with him. Kidman can’t get a hiptoss to start but he can get a hurricanrana to bring on the early frustration. Back in and one heck of a whip into the corner allows Dupree to pose and the French Tickler elbow gets two. We hit the bearhug, which isn’t something you would expect from Dupree.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Kidman makes the comeback, including a middle rope elbow. Kidman does his own French Tickler and hits a dropkick but gets crotched while going for the shooting star. An over the shoulder sitout powerslam (which had no snap or force to it and Cole called it a powerbomb) gives Dupree the pin.

Rating: D+. Dupree has charisma and works better as a singles guy than in La Resistance but there’s only so much you’re going to get out of a three and a half minute match with a pretty weak looking finisher. Kidman is very good for a role like this though and is a big reason why he stayed around so long.

Post match here’s John Cena to say Tazz is a thug and Cole is gay. He wants to make sure that Dupree is prepared bro: don’t leave your wallet anywhere near Guerrero. More gay jokes aren’t funny and that’s that. Cena has found his swagger since winning the title and it’s sending him through the roof.

Video on Undertaker beating up Paul Heyman last week.

Teddy Long tries to recruit Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi and gives them a card. Josh Matthews looks interested but they’re “playas only cracka”.

Eddie comes in to welcome Rob Van Dam and Spike Dudley to the show but Booker doesn’t have time for this nonsense. He talks down about Smackdown and that’s not cool with Eddie, who won’t stand for someone disrespecting the show. Booker: “Consider yourself insulted.” The fight is quickly broken up and I think we have a main event.

Dudley Boyz vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a fight to start until we settle down to Bubba chopping Danny into the corner. D-Von comes in for some right hands but it’s off to Doug as the punching match continues. A neckbreaker from Bubba mixes things up a bit but it’s right back to the crossface shots. The double flapjack gets no cover and it’s time for some Twin Magic so Danny can come back in and take over. The abdominal stretch goes on for a little while but D-Von powers out and brings Bubba back in. That means more hard shots to the face and a sidewalk slam gets two on Doug. The Flip Flop and Fly into What’s Up sets up the 3D for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was every Dudley Boyz match I’ve seen in years and your mileage may vary on that. There’s no way around the fact that they haven’t changed things up in a long time and that was the case here all over again. They can be a nice addition to the division but they’re not going to be anything special.

Booker comes in to ask what Angle is going to do about Eddie so Angle goes into an explanation of how worn out Eddie is. Therefore, Booker gets a title shot tonight. Why is that not at the next pay per view?

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Spike Dudley

Chavo is defending and the Dudleys are still at ringside. They trade hammerlocks to start and a frustrated Chavo hides in the ropes. The Dudley Dog is broken up with a nasty bump out to the floor but Bubba and D-Von scare Chavo Sr. away. Back in and Chavo puts on a seated abdominal stretch for all of a few seconds. Spike gets free and small packages him for two, followed by the top rope double stomp for the same. The Gory Bomb is reversed into a sunset flip for two more but Spike misses a missile dropkick. Now the Gory Bomb can retain the title.

Rating: C-. Spike was trying here and this was a much better fit for him. You can only have him do the ultra underdog role for so long and putting him against someone like Chavo, who isn’t that much bigger than Spike, worked well. Not much time to do anything, but Chavo needs some fresh challengers.

We look back at the APA splitting last week and Bradshaw talking about being a big time financial analyst.

Here’s Bradshaw in a suit with the white cowboy hat, now under the name John Bradshaw Layfield. Bradshaw says he was horribly misunderstood last week because he and Faarooq have been up and down more roads than almost anyone. He can’t be held responsible for what Ron Simmons did for him though, because Bradshaw has all kinds of things going on. We hear about his portfolio, his book, his upcoming radio show and appearances on FOX News. He can’t give all that up and no one would give up all he has.

There is no right or wrong in society but rather everyone is out to get something for themselves. People like him run industries and governments and he’s never sold anything but stock. He’s succeeded in everything but wrestling, because he thought a friendship was better than success. The impact is coming and business is about to pick up.

And so it begins. This seems like the kind of gimmick that would be a lame midcarder but since WWE has a tendency to go insane with some of its pushes, we could be in for a very long and rough road from here. At the end of the day, Bradshaw hasn’t been more than a Stan Hansen ripoff and now he’s some mixture of Money Inc. That doesn’t exactly instill me with confidence.

Bob Holly speaks for some of the locker room, telling Booker that no one wants him here. After Eddie gets done with him, the Smackdown locker room is waiting for him. Given that names such as Holly, Billy Gunn and Funaki are here, I get why Booker isn’t feeling threatened.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T.

Eddie is defending. Feeling out process to start with Eddie taking him down but getting punched in the corner. A snapmare sets up a very early chinlock on Booker until he jawbreaks his way to freedom. Booker gets his own chinlock and has it broken up just as fast. The slingshot hilo gives Eddie two and it’s off to the third chinlock in….well way too little time to have three chinlocks.

Back up and Eddie gets in a very snappy dropkick but walks into a hot shot. We come back from a break with Eddie in another chinlock (two apiece now) before Booker gets creative with a sleeper. A cover gets two and we hit the sleeper again. This time Eddie gets out a little faster and hits a flapjack for a breather. It’s way too early for the frog splash though and Booker hits a superplex for a delayed two.

A side slam stays on Eddie’s back and IT’S ANOTHER CHINLOCK. He’s been working on the back and he can’t do a half crab? Booker chokes on the rope but only manages to fire Eddie up for some right hands. Another backbreaker is countered into a headscissors but the Book End gives Booker two. The side kick gets the same and Booker can’t believe these kickouts. Eddie ducks the ax kick though and the Three Amigos connect. The frog splash looks to finish but we’re edited to Bradshaw coming in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Once they got past the crazy amount of chinlocks, they settled down and had a pretty good match. The ending isn’t exactly a brilliant idea though as Booker would have been perfectly fine as a one or two off pay per view challenger for the title while Bradshaw established himself a bit more. Instead though, we seem to be sailing straight into the new character getting a mega push right off the bat. We’re so lucky.

Bradshaw Clotheslines Eddie down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not great wrestling and a pretty horrible new villain to wrap up the show doesn’t exactly instill me with confidence. This was all about a big welcome to all of the new stars and….yeah they’re people who have been around for a long time now and are now just on a blue show instead of the red one. It’s not their worst effort, but it’s another restart without much fire behind the new cast.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6