Souled Out 1997
Date: January 25, 1997
Location: Five Seasons Center, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 5,120
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Ted DiBiase

Here we have something different, as it’s an NWO pay per view. This was one of the bigger ideas that they had from WCW at this point and to say it go well would be a huge understatement. The main event is Hollywood Hogan defending the World Title against the Giant, which should be a layup of a match if there ever was one. Let’s get to it.

Also of note: this show was on a Saturday to make it feel different.

Finally of note: there are all kinds of segments throughout the show featuring the Miss NWO pageant. These, and pretty much everything else between the matches, are missing from the broadcast on the WCW YouTube channel, likely out of good taste. That cuts off nearly half an hour or so from the show.

We see a bunch of trucks, both equipment and garbage, driving to the show (with a Taco Bell sign in the background). For some reasons Syxx is running behind one of the trucks until the NWO eventually arrives at the arena. They promise to change the industry, as they’ve done multiple times.

The real opening video is the NWO bragging about how awesome they are and promising to take over.

Eric Bischoff is at a podium on the stage, sitting over a steep set of steps towards the ring, and we have a house band. At least it’s kind of different. Hollywood Hogan, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash pop up on the screen to welcome us to the show.

Commentary sits down and we’re finally ready to go.

Chris Jericho (WCW) vs. Masahiro Chono (NWO)

The ring announcer does a bunch of funny anecdotes for the entrances, with Jericho (no music, ala the rest of the WCW wrestlers tonight) being described as “from somewhere north of the border), while Chono (with music) gets praise and a full entrance. Jericho gets shoved away off a lockup and is accused of a hair pull. Chono knocks him to the floor as some WCW wrestlers (mainly tag teams and Arn Anderson) show up to watch from the crowd).

Back in and Jericho suplexes his way out of a test of strength but gets caught in a cobra clutch legsweep. Chono’s top rope shoulder drops Jericho again and they go outside so Chono can keep up the beating. They get back inside where Chono takes out the leg but Jericho manages an enziguri. Naturally Bischoff is there to explain what kind of a kick it is, because he absolutely cares.

Chono is right back on the leg but Jericho manages a jumping elbow to the face. A bridging German suplex gets a rather slow two but Chono atomic drops him down. It’s time for a table (rather thin one at that), which of course takes way too long, allowing Jericho to hit a dropkick. Chono puts a foot on the rope for the save so Jericho goes up top, where Chono kicks him off and through the table (with a good crunch sound). Back in and the Mafia Kick finishes for Chono at 11:10.

Rating: C+. Chono was a nice addition to the NWO to make it fee like a bigger deal internationally, though he only did so much in WCW. Jericho was starting to turn into a more reliable star at this point, which would get a heck of a lot better when he turned heel. For now though, he was a good hand and that’s a better role than the nothing he was doing earlier.

There are women here for the Miss NWO pageant. This means women sitting on motorcycles and we see various women who sent in resumes and photos.

We go to Jeff Katz, who asks the women various questions, which are of course rather suggestive. After two of them, it’s off to the next match.

Hugh Morrus (WCW) vs. Big Bubba Rogers (NWO)

This is a Mexican Death Match and Morrus has Jimmy Hart with him. Apparently DiBiase is the reason the WCW stars don’t have music, which does make sense. Bubba shoves him into the corner as we have no actual explanation of the rules. Morrus knocks him back down and gets yelled at by Nick Patrick (who is refereeing every match tonight), allowing Bubba to get in a low blow.

Bischoff calls it boxing skills but doesn’t seem thrilled when Morrus clotheslines Bubba over the top. Even Hart gets in a few kicks (Bischoff: “The human cartoon character.”) but Morrus’ charge is cut off by a chain to the face. Back up and Bubba whips him with a the chain (ow) so Morrus takes it away and knocks Bubba silly. The middle rope moonsault connects and Patrick starts to count, as apparently this is Last Man Standing.

The ten count takes forever of course so Morrus yells at Patrick, allowing Bubba to get back up. Morrus knocks Bubba down again for another slow count and Bubba is up to slug him down. This lets Bischoff talk about the card, which is cut off as Morrus gets up and hits a low blow of his own. Morrus takes him up the ramp but misses the moonsault off the steps (which would have been totally off anyway). Rather than do anything to him, Bubba gets on a motorcycle and runs Morrus over for the ten count at 9:05.

Rating: D+. This was slow and not that interesting, but what were you expecting from these two? Morrus was better as a brawler, but there was only so much you could do with such a punny name. Bubba was the same guy he had been for years, meaning he was completely fine but firmly stuck in the lower midcard. In addition, save for the ending, there was pretty much no need for this to be a death match.

Katz asks more suggestive questions and the women have pretty much nothing to say.

We look at the NWO website, which is as 1997 as you can get.

Jeff Jarrett (WCW) vs. Mr. Wallstreet (NWO)

It’s like Razor Ramon’s least interesting Intercontinental Title challengers fighting each other. Wallstreet bails to the ropes to start so Jarrett takes him into the corner, where Patrick breaks up a right hand. A hiptoss puts Wallstreet down and Jarrett’ high crossbody gets a slow two. Wallstreet gets faceplanted down and choked on the ropes…which sets up the running crotch attack, only for Patrick to shove Wallstreet out of the way.

Jarrett gets dropped throat first onto the barricade as we see Debra McMichael in the crowd and looking worried. A whip sends Jarrett over the barricade and since it’s a Wallstreet match, he just throws Jarrett back inside. The sleeper doesn’t last long as Debra is trying to get Steve McMichael to come help Jarrett. Another sleeper, this time from Jarrett, is broken up by Patrick and Wallstreet kicks him down to take over again.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Jarrett fights up for a suplex. Jarrett starts in on the leg and grabs the Figure Four, with Patrick dragging him over to the ropes for the break. Jarrett’s abdominal stretch with a grab of the ropes is broken up by Patrick so Wallstreet grabs the same thing. That’s enough for Steve to come in and BLAST Wallstreet with the briefcase. A threat to Patrick makes him count the pin for Jarrett at 9:25.

Rating: D+. It’s a bad sign when the most interesting thing is a briefcase shot to the back, but that’s what you had here. This is a good (or I guess bad) example of two people who are technically sound but JUST SO FREAKING BORING. They’re both talented wrestlers but good grief they were just having a dry match with the one concept (the cheating referee) being used over and over. In other words, this belonged on a Nitro when they needed to fill time, not this pay per view.

More women, this time the senior division, who can’t hear the questions.

The band plays a song about the NWO.

Buff Bagwell (NWO) vs. Scotty Riggs (WCW)

The American Males…oh these two could never explode so we’ll say run into each other for not much of a reaction. Riggs jumps him before the bell, with Bischoff swearing fines will be levied. Bagwell gets knocked outside and Patrick has to calm Riggs down as we’re already in the stalling. Back in and Bagwell’s headlock doesn’t last long as Riggs is back with a dropkick, followed by the right hands on the mat. A belly to belly drops Bagwell, who comes up with a slap to the face’s face.

The first gear continues with an exchange of hiptoss attempts and Bagwell crashing out to the floor. Riggs adds a dive of his own but Bagwell fights back again because Riggs isn’t very good. As the PA announcer calls Riggs a loser, Bagwell brings him back inside to stomp away. A clothesline gets some twos, with Bagwell complaining about the speed of the count for a change.

Bagwell makes Riggs do the clap, followed by a powerbomb (not something you often see Bagwell do) for a rather delayed two. Bagwell’s tights come down to warrant some censoring and we hit the reverse chinlock, with Bagwell’s legs over Riggs’ arms for some reason. We pause for hip swiveling as Bagwell continues to prove that he’s no Rick Rude. The reverse chinlock goes on as this show somehow gets even duller. Even commentary points out that the fans are getting bored and Riggs reversing a suplex into a small package doesn’t help.

An enziguri puts Bagwell down but they hit stereo crossbodies, because a double down is EXACTLY what this needed. Bagwell’s neckbreaker is countered into a backslide for two and Riggs powerbombs him for the same. Commentary seems worried that Bagwell is having trouble beating Riggs, because, you know, IT’S SCOTTY RIGGS. Bagwell is taken up top but knocks him down, setting up “that new move”, which would become known as the Blockbuster. That and a grab of the tights is enough to end Riggs at 13:53.

Rating: D-. The Blockbuster alone is pretty much the only thing keeping this from being a failure, because WOW they could not have had a worse match if they tried. The thing is, the match isn’t even terrible, but good grief who is supposed to care about these two fighting? The American Males were a lower midcard team who had a fluke Tag Team Title reign. It’s proof that just throwing an NWO shirt on someone doesn’t make them more interesting and having someone feud with the NWO doesn’t make them a star. Terribly uninteresting stuff here on a show that is dying for a hot match.

Bagwell actually gets pyro after the match and dances with the contestants.

Katz does the same thing he’s done all night.

The NWO has a hotline. No Gene Okerlund though.

Diamond Dallas Page (WCW) vs. Scott Norton (NWO)

This is just after Page turned down the NWO, launching him into the biggest run of his career. Norton powers him down to start (as you might expect), with the PA guy calling Page a loser. A running shoulder doesn’t work for Page either so he takes a breather on the floor. Back in and Page grabs a headlock takeover for some needed grinding.

Back up and Page shrugs off some chops, allowing him to hit the Pancake (basically a Neutralizer), only to get blasted with a clothesline. We pause though as Sting pops up in the crowd but Norton ignores him to hit the shoulderbreaker, with Page rolling outside. Norton stays on the arm so Patrick asks Page if he wants to give up. Page say no, so Patrick says “it’s your shoulder”.

One heck of a crash on the floor has Page’s arm banged up even worse but he avoids a sitdown splash back inside. Page slugs away and hits a nice looking top rope clothesline for two, followed by the running tornado DDT. Cue the NWO lackeys, who want Page to join the team (again). Page puts on the shirt, pulls Norton into the Diamond Cutter, commentary freaks out, and Page runs for the countout at 9:49.

Rating: C-. The match itself wasn’t great, but what mattered here was Page looking like someone willing to stand up to the NWO. He looked clever and outsmarted the villains, which made Page stand out after months of WCW looking like idiots. That’s one of the reasons he became a star, along with his matches getting better. This wasn’t a classic, but after some of the other stuff on this show, it was glorious.

Katz interviews the women again, with one of them FINALLY getting the hint and getting suggestive herself. And that’s it.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers (WCW) vs. Outsiders (NWO)

The Steiners are challenging and this should pick things up a bit. Also, for the sake of simplicity, Scott Steiner is “Scott” and Scott Hall is “Hall”. The Outsiders are also the first NWO members to get the signature song rather than the B team song, which does fit. Scott and Hall start things off, with Scott backing him into the corner, earning the Hall spooky fingers (one of his greatest contributions to wrestling).

Hall is back with the driving shoulders so Scott fireman’s carries him down with ease. A pumphandle slam plants Hall and he gets tossed with an overhead belly to belly. Rick comes in to drop Nash and the Steiners hit their pose. Back in and Hall hammers away in the corner but gets slammed back out, with Bischoff actually going to regular commentary for a bit.

Rick’s crossbody is pulled out of the air with a fall away slam (ok that was nice) for two and we hit the armbar. That’s broken up so Scott comes in, with Hall immediately chokeslamming him. It’s off to Nash for the first time and you know that means things are going to slow down. Rick fights out and gets in his powerslam for a slow two as commentary ignores the match to talk about Hogan. As usual.

A running big boot knocks Rick outside, where Hall hits the clothesline to drop him again. Back in and we hit a variety of choking until Hall clotheslines him from the apron. Nash misses an elbow but Hall is right back in to hammer away. Rick gets dropped face first onto the apron as this is just so slow. Both Outsiders hit side slams, with Nash’s getting two. The running crotch attack hits the back of Rick’s neck but Scott goes over to deck an interfering Hall.

Back in and Nash spits at Scott, which distracts Patrick enough so that Rick can get in a low blow. Scott comes in to clean house, including a Saito suplex to Nash (even Bischoff is impressed). The super DDT is loaded up but Nash makes the save, allowing Hall to Outsider’s Edge Scott. The ref is bumped though and Rick hits the top rope bulldog. There’s no Patrick, so WCW referee Randy Anderson jumps the barricade and counts the pin on Hall at 14:41.

Rating: D+. The ending picked things up a bit, but this was a lot of Rick getting beaten up and there was pretty much nothing else to see here. On the good end, it was nice to see something that actually felt important. Having a title match on the show did help, even if the screwy ending has all the signs of something not counting.

Commentary complains about the title change. And no, of course it didn’t count and the Outsiders got the titles back on Nitro.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero (WCW) vs. Syxx (NWO)

Guerrero is defending in a ladder match after Syxx stole the physical belt. Guerrero jumps him while the belt is being raised, which makes the annoyed commentators even angrier. Syxx kicks him in the face and strikes away in the ropes but gets knocked outside. The big dive connects for Guerrero, which has DiBiase worried (which has me wondering how a DiBiase vs. Guerrero match could have gone).

Back in and Syxx cuts off a charge in the corner, allowing a middle rope spinwheel kick to drop Guerrero. Syxx knocks him into the corner for the Bronco Buster as Bischoff says Syxx is a REAL karate guy, unlike those Hollywood actors. Back up and Guerrero flips over him for a dropkick as Bischoff keeps talking about martial arts. Syxx suplexes him to the floor in a nasty crash, thankfully getting Bischoff’s attention for a bit.

A running flip dive to the floor takes Guerrero down again and it’s time for the first ladder. Syxx hits him with the ladder and goes up, only for Guerrero to teeter totter the ladder into his face. That sets up a slingshot…uh, stomp to the ribs, but it keeps Syxx down. Guerrero gets whipped hard into the ladder in the corner and Syxx drops him with a suplex, meaning it’s time to climb. The ladder being in the corner makes it a bit of a waste of time but Syxx knocks him off and goes up again.

That takes too long as well, allowing Guerrero to dropkick him onto the top for a crotching. Guerrero goes up but Syxx climbs up and jumps up for a dropkick (Bischoff: “Inverted jump side kick!” Yeah it might have been a one legged kick but it looked enough like a dropkick.) for the big crash back down. Guerrero gets knocked off the top again, only to crash into the ladder and send Syxx down as well. They both go up this time and the belt is pulled down, with Guerrero hitting him in the head to get the win (Patrick’s over the top freaking out helps) at 13:51.

Rating: B. Easily the match of the night here, which helps when you have two incredibly talented stars getting to go out there and showcase themselves. It started slowly but then turned into the two of them doing the big spots that make these matches work. If nothing else, it was nice to see WCW getting a win that actually lasted, as the NWO dominated so much of the show in the early going. Good match here, with Guerrero getting to prove how great he can be. Again.

Guerrero goes through the crowd to celebrate, with Bischoff saying he’s going to get the Tag Team Titles back, plus have a new belt made for Syxx.

We actually meet the finalists of the Miss NWO pageant, with each getting to walk around a bit, plus a bio graphic. This goes on for a good while, because we had some energy going with a good match and that has to be stopped cold. Bischoff gets to pick the winner and is happy with the idea that the women all paid for their own travel and they all have their own motorcycles. He thinks it’s a tie, so he asks them a question with the best answer winning. Granted we don’t actually hear the question or the answer, but a woman who kisses him gets the win. And yes she’s the oldest to complete the gag.

WCW World Title: The Giant (WCW) vs. Hollywood Hogan (NWO)

The Giant is challenging after winning World War III and getting mad at Hogan for saying he wouldn’t get the title shot, meaning he was off the team. The main thing I remember about this build is a promo of Giant holding a match and saying that like Hogan, it gave people some light and warmth for a bit, but just like Hogan, it was getting blown out. Anyway Hogan comes out with some Dallas Cowboys, because he’s a huge star, but they wanted to save a bunch of money on the Miss NWO pageant, because it’s a bit of a confusing story.

Hogan punches him, the PA voice says “the biggest icon in wrestling”, and they circle each other a bit. The chops put Hogan on the floor and the chase is on, but Hogan catches him coming in to hammer away (he’s being more aggressive than usual here). Back up and they hit a double clothesline to put both of them down and Giant is up first. Giant kicks away in the corner before doing the same thing on the floor. Hogan slugs away back inside and tries….a running small package? I think it was supposed to be a crossbody but Hogan couldn’t get up so it just looked bad instead.

Hogan gets knocked outside and fires off some powder, with Patrick not really caring, to take over again. Some choking with a belt has Giant in more trouble but he’s able to come back with a backbreaker. For some reason the Giant goes up top but misses an elbow to give Hogan two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by the slam and legdrop. Rather than covering though, Hogan poses and Giant pops up, leaving commentary freaking out.

There’s the chokeslam so Patrick says he’s up at two, despite Hogan not moving. They then do the same thing two more times in a row so Giant chokeslams Patrick. Bischoff runs to the ring with a guitar (sure) as Giant chokeslams the NWO goons. Hogan is back up with the guitar to Giant’s back and the Outsiders are here too. The fans want Sting but get the big beatdown and spray painting as we’ll say it’s thrown out at 11:00.

Rating: D-. Hogan was actually a bit energetic to start but the running small package (not something I thought I’d say, especially for this match) and everything else was rather terrible. That’s including the ending, which was basically “oh well, here’s the NWO to end the NWO show with the NWO referee and the NWO ring and EVERYTHING NWO.” Hogan and Giant could have a passable match and they came close at times here, but never mind as it was the standard ending, as always.

The NWO celebrates. A lot. For a long time. Too long really. The show ends.

Overall Rating: F. And that’s where the NWO stopped being cool. The problem here should be pretty clear: the NWO worked, but you need ANYTHING else. This was over two and a half hours of “the NWO cheats, the matches are terrible, the NWO stands tall”. You had Guerrero retaining but not getting a pin, the Steiners getting the most obvious Dusty Finish title change and Hogan doing the same thing in another main event.

The NWO standing tall and dominating everything often came at the end of Nitro, but that came at the end of a show featuring a bunch of different matches and things going on. Instead, we had it going on all night with the NWO making fun of everyone and one dull match after another. The wrestling here made you realize how useless the non-top members of the team really are. Bagwell, Wallstreet and Rogers were having one uninteresting, unimportant match after another and it made me wonder when something good was going to happen.

The problem is that something never came, as it was all about the NWO. It’s the biggest story in WCW, but there had to be something else to carry the show. Otherwise, you realize that it’s just a bunch of people filling in time until Hogan, the Outsiders and Syxx can get out there and do something that actually matters. Instead we had Riggs vs. Bagwell for thirteen minutes to kill some of our brain cells. This was horrible, but even worse it was just boring, and that’s not even counting the unfunny pageant stuff. All time disaster of a show here and the NWO would be around for a LONG time to come.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Must-See Matches Under 5 Minutes
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Terry Taylor, Michael Cole, Al Snow, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Rich Brennan, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Corey Graves, Alex Riley, Art Donovan, Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage

As usual, the name says it all and in this case, we should be in for something fun. There are some very good matches which didn’t get much time and I’m curious to see what they’ve found here. The video itself isn’t very long, but in this case that isn’t going to matter as it’s all about packing in content. Let’s get to it.

From Sunday Night Heat, February 28, 1999.

Undertaker vs. Kurrgan

Their respective stables are here too. Undertaker ducks a big right hand to start and slugs away, followed by the jumping clothesline. Kurrgan gets rocked in the corner and it’s a pretty good chokeslam to put him down for the (one boot on the chest) pin at 45 seconds. Well, that was certainly different.

From Velocity, June 8, 2002.

Test vs. Randy Orton

Orton had only debuted about a month and a half before this and Test jumps him to start fast. Test stomps away in the corner and Orton is sent outside. Back in and a dropkick sends Test outside for a change, only for him to come back in with a hard clothesline. A big running elbow misses though and Orton gets to fight back with a DDT giving him a breather.

The high crossbody gives Orton two but Test grabs the pumphandle slam for the same. Test misses the big boot and walks into the Overdrive, which only gets two because it’s that terrible of a finisher. Back up and the Test Drive (basically Cross Rhodes) finishes Orton off at 4:00.

Rating: C. This felt like it was on there for the sake of showcasing a young Orton, as the match is nothing of note. Test was getting built up to be fed to Brock Lesnar at this point, which puts him in pretty good company. It’s still weird to see Orton as a nobody, but the pieces were there to turn him into something, which worked out fairly well.

From Monday Nitro, December 29, 1997.

Cruiserweight Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

Guerrero is defending and jumps Dragon in the aisle. They get inside with Dragon getting powerbombed but managing to escape something off the top. The super hurricanrana is countered but Guerrero tries another powerbomb, which is reversed into the Dragon Sleeper to give Dragon the title at 1:27. That was a nice surprise.

From Royal Rumble 2000.

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

This is Tazz’s surprise debut after weeks of vignettes. Angle tries to jump him to start fast but gets backdropped out to the floor. They go to the aisle (painted by a street) with Angle hitting a suplex to take over. A running forearm gives Angle two back inside and he goes up top, where Tazz crotches him down. The belly to belly superplex gets the pin…but Angle’s foot is on the rope. A bridging German suplex gives Angle two more but Tazz starts snapping off the suplexes. The Tazmission finishes Angle at 3:15.

Rating: C+. It was energetic, but there was something off about this one. You would expect Tazz to get a dominant win but instead he was beaten up for most of the match. At the same time, beating Angle (first time that had happened) was a big deal and Tazz looked good enough. The problem was that the Radicalz were coming and Chris Jericho and Angle were brand new. That’s not leaving Tazz much room to be the suplex guy and it didn’t work out too well. I mean save for the 20+ year broadcasting career that is.

From NXT Takeover: R-Evolution.

Kevin Owens vs. CJ Parker

This is Owens’ debut and believe it or not, he’s popular. The bell rings and Owens jumps him in the corner with a running clothesline. The Cannonball connects, Owens breaks up Parker’s sign (he cared about the environment) and Parker is sent outside for the running flip dive, giving Owens one of the best opening minutes in WWE history.

It showed you exactly what you could get out of him and made you want to see what was coming next. That’s not bad. Back in and Parker’s left hand and kick to the head actually have Owens down. The palm strike gives Parker two and Owens (bleeding from the eye) grabs a pumphandle backbreaker. The pop up powerbomb finishes for Owens at 3:15.

Rating: B. This still works, as Owens came off like an absolute star right out of the blocks. He ran through Parker and that is what should have happened, as Owens is instantly a player. They let him go out there and wreck someone who wasn’t going to be hurt by a loss and had just enough status for it to matter. Good enough squash, awesome debut.

From King Of The Ring 1994.

King Of The Ring Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Well this is the gold standard of this kind of match. The Kid is coming in injured but is going anyway, with Hart dropkicking him through the ropes before the bell. A suicide dive mostly overshoots Kid but it’s enough contact for Hart to send him back inside. The top rope splash gives Hart two but Kid is right back with a spinning high crossbody for two of his own.

A rollup gives Kid two and he grabs the arm, meaning it’s time to trade spinning escapes. Kid kicks him down, only for Hart to come back with the enziguri for two. The northern lights suplex gives Kid two more, with Savage not believing that Hart made the rope. Hart is sent outside for another dive but he’s right back in with a bridging German suplex for two. They trade rollups for two each until Hart powerbombs him into the Sharpshooter and the win at 3:37.

Rating: A-. These guys felt like they were being given a chance to do whatever they want and that’s exactly what happened. They beat each other up and had the fans believing that the Kid could pull it off. It’s the match a lot of people think of when they think of great stuff in short order and it more than holds up all these decades later.

From WWE Speed, March 5, 2025.

Speed Title #1 Contenders Tournament Semifinals: Yoshiki Inamura vs. Ivar

They trade shoulders to start and slug it out, with the fans rather approving. An exchange of German suplexes goes to Inamura for two and he strikes away in the corner. Ivar is right back with a spinwheel kick for two but Inamura’s spinning slam (that took some effort) gets the same. Ivar crushes him out of the corner but gets caught up top. That’s fine with Ivar, who hits a super World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:22. That was a hoss fight.

Overall Rating: B. This was a good case of “exactly as advertised” and it was a lot of fun. As usual with the WWE Vault, it was a nice mixture of stuff you probably remember along with some stuff you probably haven’t thought of in a long time. It was quick and to the point, which is exactly how the collection should have gone. Good stuff here.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2004
Date: November 14, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is an interesting show as the two big matches are a match where the impact comes over the next four weeks and another where there is little more than bragging rights on the line. The build for this show hasn’t been the strongest, though a lot of that is due to the changes taking place in the company. There are some fresh talents coming in and they’re still finding their footing, so it should be interesting to see where this show takes us. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look back at the show’s history, which means about five of the seventeen shows get a look. The video talks about trust and how only the strong will survive. Fair enough, though I’d have rather had more of the historical stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. It’s a brawl to start with Rey taking a shot to the ribs and Chavo getting double teamed in the corner. Kidman doesn’t waste time in dropkicking Spike to the floor and here’s Spike to clothesline Kidman to the other side of the floor. That leave Rey to sunset flip Chavo for two and armdrag him outside. Spike replaces Chavo and stomps Rey down in the corner as Chavo comes back in.

A double clothesline puts Spike and Chavo down at the same time, leaving Rey to hurricanrana Kidman off the apron. Chavo picks Rey up and throws him into a seated senton Kidman, setting up a dive onto both of them. Spike’s dive just hits floor in a nasty crash but he’s fine enough to run back in and break up Chavo’s belly to back on Kidman. Rey gets whipped hard into the corner, leaving the other three to set up a Tower of Doom with Spike getting the worst.

Kidman was just the electric chair so he BK Bombs Rey but gets posted by Chavo. Spike’s running headbutt to the ribs puts Chavo down, only to have Rey come back with a 619 to the champ. Kidman breaks up the West Coast Pop and drops a slingshot legdrop on Chavo. Rey takes Kidman to the floor though, allowing Spike to pin Chavo to retain.

Rating: C+. Pretty good choice for an opener here with Rey and Chavo handling the dives and a Tower of Doom before it was a cliché. Spike retaining the title isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world but I think I could go for that over another Rey or Chavo reign. Kidman has already fallen off a lot and at the moment there isn’t another better option.

Gene Snitsky comes up to Heidenreich to compliment his poetry. Heidenreich likes what Snitsky does to babies. An uncomfortable amount of grunting ensues.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin

Christian, now with Just Close Your Eyes for theme music and with Tyson Tomko in his corner, is challenging. Shelton goes with a hammerlock to start and Christian bails to the ropes to avoid the wrestling on the mat. Back up and Shelton blasts him with a shoulder to show off some power for a change. Christian is already frustrated and slaps the champ in the face before sending him over the ropes.

The cat is skinned and Shelton hits a springboard Blockbuster (looked like it was supposed to be a clothesline but he rotated too far) for two. For some reason that wakes Christian up even more and he hammers away in the corner. Shelton sticks the landing on a monkey flip and threatens Christian to the floor with a superkick, leaving the announcers to discuss the origins of the Oklahoma roll. A Tomko distraction lets Christian kick him into the barricade and the angry Christian pounds away.

The neckbreaker gets two and we hit the chinlock to stay on Shelton’s neck. Shelton gets thrown outside with someone’s elbow pad flying onto the announcers’ table in the process. Back in and Christian’s reverse tornado DDT gets two but Shelton reverses a whip to send Christian chest first into the buckle. A Jackknife rollup gets two and a reverse slingshot suplex (not quite a fisherman’s JR) is good for the same on Christian.

Shelton misses the Stinger Splash though and it’s an inverted DDT to give Christian two of his own. With nothing else working, Tomko slides the title in and even though it hits the referee in the foot, he doesn’t actually notice. It doesn’t work for Christian, who gets the title tossed, only to have Tomko kick Shelton in the face for two. Back up and Christian tries the Unprettier, which is countered into a quick exploder to retain the title.

Rating: B. This is a good example of a difficulty of five but an execution of ten. They went with a simple story but did it so well that it was easy to get behind as you wanted to see the more athletic champion overcome the cheating and retain. It’s a story that you can get into in a single viewing and Shelton played his role very well. Good match and I could go for another one.

Kurt Angle doesn’t like how Edge portrayed him in his book. He did like the chapter on Edge winning the World Title….or at least he would have if there had been one. Edge laughs it off because his team will win tonight and he’ll get a title shot. Angle goes off for his match but Eugene comes in to list off Angle’s resume and sing YOU SUCK.

Wrestlemania Recall: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero

Kurt Angle, Carlito, Mark Jindrak, Luther Reigns

Eddie Guerrero, John Cena, Big Show, Rob Van Dam

Cena charges to the ring to chase Carlito off and beats Jesus up the aisle. Carlito keeps running and Cena shouts about Carlito sending his guys to stab him. With Jesus getting in a cheap shot, Carlito and Jesus jump into a car and run away. Everyone else gets in a fight on the floor and we get the opening bell, meaning Carlito is eliminated due to running away (in other words, he was injured).

We officially start with Show chopping Jindrak in the corner and handing it off to Van Dam for a spinning kick to the face. Rolling Thunder gives Eddie two and the headscissors/armdrag combination puts Jindrak and Reigns down. Angle comes in and punches Guerrero down before handing it back to Reigns for a backbreaker into a side slam. Jindrak’s full nelson is countered with a trip into the buckle but Kurt dives over to break up the hot tag attempt.

The chinlock goes on and switches into a front facelock before it’s back to Jindrak for more entry level offense. Actually hang on as he throws in a hip swivel in between the elbows. Eddie finally gets up and brings Rob in to punch Angle. Jindrak tries to save Angle from the Five Star but takes it instead, allowing Kurt to roll Rob up with the ropes for the elimination. Eddie is right back with a rollup in the ropes to get rid of Jindrak (with a fast count) to make it 3-2.

Big Show comes in to face Angle, who bails out so Reigns can do it instead. Reigns finally goes after the big bandage on the ankle, meaning it’s all of five extra seconds before the chokeslam can get rid of him. That leaves Angle by himself so he grabs the ankle lock, which is countered to send him into the aisle. Angle tries to leave but runs into Rob, who sends him backing up the aisle….and right into Show, with Angle reaching up and finding the very tall head to realize how much trouble he’s in. Back in and the FU into the frog splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: D. I was having flashbacks to the Hulkamaniacs vs. the Million Dollar Team from 1989 as the faces were never in serious trouble. There was almost no doubt after just a few minutes because Jindrak and Reigns were the lamest of goons against a bunch of top stars. They never did anything beyond stomps and slams and it wasn’t exactly believable that they could be a threat. There was no drama here and it showed badly.

Maven doesn’t like the suggestion that he doesn’t belong in the main event…and gets jumped by Snitsky. The beatdown is on and Maven is left bloody.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. I’d go into the details here but Heidenreich is the definition of a monster for Undertaker to slay. There have been a lot of them over the years but Heidenreich is one of the lowest of the low. He tried to crush Undertaker with a car, which worked as well as you might have expected. Then he read poetry and seemed to sexually assault Michael Cole. Do I need to continue the explanation?

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Undertaker punches him into the corner to start and the referee wisely bails out to the floor. There’s a big boot to put Heidenreich down and Undertaker sends the arm into the corner. Some pulls on the arm look to set up Old School but Heyman offers a distraction so Heidenreich can break it up with a low blow.

Undertaker gets crotched against the post, which Cole thinks may be a kink in his armor. They head outside with Undertaker taking over off the shots to the ribs and the elbows on the apron. The apron legdrop completes the standard sequence and now Old School can connect. A Downward Spiral has Heidenreich in more trouble but the running boot in the corner misses.

Undertaker gets knocked off the apron so Heidenreich can hammer away against the barricade for two back inside. The chinlock goes on for a bit until a clothesline gives Heidenreich two more. Undertaker gets in a suplex and it’s time for the slugout. The clothesline takes Heidenreich down and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot.

Right hands get Heidenreich out of the chokeslam and a Boss Man Slam gives him two. The punches in the corner are countered into a weak Last Ride with Heidenreich grabbing the rope for the break. Undertaker slams his way out of a sleeper in a hurry and now the chokeslam connects. The Tombstone finally finishes Heidenreich off.

Rating: D. This was far worse than bad as it was really, really boring. Heidenreich had nothing that felt like a threat to Undertaker and the match itself was much longer than it needed to be at about sixteen minutes. The villains continue to be weak on Smackdown with Undertaker dispatching this goon without much serious trouble, as he should have done.

Eric Bischoff says Maven may not be wrestling tonight and since there is so little time left, Bischoff won’t be naming a replacement. His vacation is too valuable to listen to HHH’s complaints about a replacement.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Lita. Trish mocked Lita for getting pregnant by Kane and referred to her as the Kiss of Death for destroying so many careers over the years. Lita lost the baby thanks to Snitsky but Trish wouldn’t shut up, with some of the best heel promos the women’s division has ever seen. Lita wants to kill her and if she wins the title as well, so be it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish is defending and starts by hiding in the corner. That’s fine with Lita who slugs away and heads outside where a chair shots DQ’s Lita at just over a minute.

Post match Lita stays on her as Trish’s nose is busted.

Theodore Long comes in to see Team Guerrero and asks if he can talk to Cena alone. Show takes off his towel and Cena is a little disturbed. Long has some good news for him: Cena gets his US Title shot this week on Smackdown.

We recap JBL vs. Booker T. Booker earned the title shot by winning a title shot and the rest of the feud has been built around JBL’s lackey Orlando Jordan vs. interviewer Josh Matthews, because this feud doesn’t have the strongest legs.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T.

JBL is defending and will leave Smackdown if he loses. Feeling out process to start with JBL shouting that this isn’t WCW. Some right hands have JBL in trouble so he hits Booker in the back of the head to take over. Booker’s clothesline doesn’t do him much good as a swinging neckbreaker gives the champ two. A much better clothesline sends JBL outside, though he’s fine enough to poke Booker in the eye.

They fight over the announcers’ table and it’s Jordan getting a cheap shot in from behind. We hit the cobra clutch on Booker, followed by some elbow drops for two. And now, just to mix it up a bit, we hit the chinlock. With that broken up, JBL heads up top and gets superplexed right back down. They head outside with a Book End dropping JBL again though Jordan keeps it on the floor.

JBL and Jordan both get taken out and it’s Booker’s missile dropkick for tow back inside. The Houston Hangover misses but Booker is right back with more kicks to the face. Another Jordan distraction lets JBL get two off a DDT….and the ref gets bumped. It’s Jordan coming in again and this time bringing in a chair. Cue Josh Matthews to take the chair away but JBL kicks him in the face. Booker gets in his own kicks but the second referee takes his time diving in for two, allowing Jordan to make the save. The Book End hits Jordan but JBL hits Booker with the title to retain.

Rating: D. Back to back overly long matches from the blue show with JBL and Jordan being as dull of a combination as you can get. The JBL title reign has lost what little charm it had thanks to the Jordan addition, as the guy isn’t adding anything and was the focal point of this feud, despite being that bad. Booker was trying but he needs something better than this reheated HHH/Ric Flair formula.

Evolution has a pep talk before the main event. HHH leaves and Batista talks about wanting to have his night running Raw. The seeds are being planted.

We recap the Raw elimination tag. Bischoff is tired of being in charge so he’s taking a month off. Therefore, the winning team gets to run Raw a week at a time for a month. They have all made it clear that if they win, they’re coming for the World Title, which is about as logical as you can get. The problem though is there’s little reason to watch this show because it’s all about the next four weeks.

Team HHH vs. Team Orton

HHH, Batista, Gene Snitsky, Edge

Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven

There’s no Maven to start and Ric Flair is at ringside to make it 5-3. Benoit gets aggressive with Edge in the corner to start and elbows him in the face to take over. That’s enough to bring in Snitsky and Orton, which is quite the strange looking showdown. Their slugout doesn’t last long and it’s off to Jericho vs. HHH to keep up the alternating matchups. Orton is right back in to hammer on HHH with Flair panicking about HHH taking such a beating.

The jumping knee to the face gets HHH out of trouble and it’s Batista hitting his powerslam for two. Edge comes in and gets sent into the corner, allowing the quick tag to Benoit, who beats up everyone in short order. The rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble and Benoit suplexes Edge onto him. A double Swan Dive gets two with Snitsky having to make a save.

The Sharpshooter has HHH In trouble but Snitsky makes another save. That’s enough for HHH to hit a quick Pedigree so Edge can pin Benoit for the first elimination. Jericho comes in next and gets taken down by a neckbreaker but HHH and Snitsky gets in a shouting match. HHH gets shoved down so Batista comes in to go nose to nose with Snitsky. Batista realizes what’s going on and breaks up the Walls on HHH.

Flair gets caught breaking up the Walls again and that means an ejection. With the referee taking care of Flair, Batista blasts Jericho and Orton with a double clothesline. Orton breaks up the big clothesline to Jericho with a belt shot and it’s a running enziguri to eliminate Batista. That’s not it for Batista to leave in peace though so he blasts Jericho with the big clothesline and then heads out. Snitsky comes in for stomping and choking instead of covering because he’s new at this. It’s off to Edge, who gets taken down with a sleeper drop but Snitsky breaks up the hot tag attempt. Everything breaks down again but here’s a bandaged up Maven to come in and go after Snitsky.

Maven’s middle rope bulldog takes HHH down but Snitsky caves his head in with a chair shot that would get him tossed out of the building today. Here it’s just a DQ, though HHH pins Maven with no trouble a second later. We’re down to HHH/Edge vs. Orton/Jericho with Jericho slipping out of the Pedigree but getting speared down for two. HHH and Edge smile down at Orton, who says bring it on.

The double stomping is on with Edge stomping away and handing it off to HHH, with JR losing his mind that Edge won’t get out of the ring. HHH’s DDT gets two and he argues with the referee, allowing Orton to roll him up for two. Edge comes in and accidentally spears HHH to give Orton the easy pin. We’re down to HHH vs. Orton with the former starting fast with a low blow. Orton gets up again and counters the Pedigree into the RKO for the pin. The Orton vs. HHH part was barely a minute and a half long.

Rating: B-. Perfectly watchable match here with Snitsky still being protected and Maven still being Maven. Other than that they’ve done a good job of making Orton look like a threat to the title, but the two Canadians are just kind of there with little reason to believe that they’re going to be a threat t o the title. That leaves us waiting until probably the Royal Rumble for a new challenger, meaning it’s time for winter vacation without missing any time from the show.

Orton poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a really weird one as it contains a lot of perfectly watchable to good wrestling, but absolutely nothing that changes anything long term. The main event stipulation lasts a grand total of four episodes of Monday Night Raw, and while that might change something, there’s no guarantee that any of this could actually matter. The Smackdown stuff was even less important with the two main matches being long and dull, leaving us with no one to challenge JBL at the moment.

Overall, the show is a rather quick sit (only a little over two and a half hours) with nothing too bad (boring, but not terrible). It could have been worse, but the biggest problem is how nothing actually matters in the end. Like I said, they’re in a big transitional period right now and while they probably have long term goals in mind, this is a rather hard stretch to get through because the villains feel like placeholders, which is the case with most of the stories at the moment. It can get better, but we have some long stretches to get through first.

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Best Of Perry Saturn
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Terry Taylor, Jonathan Coachman, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This would fall into the “well ok then” category as who in the world was expecting a special look at Perry Saturn? He was never a big star in WWE, or really anywhere for that matter, though that doesn’t make him any less talented. I’m curious to see what kinds of highlights we’re getting here, as some of this stuff could be quite interesting. Let’s get to it.

Quick opening sequence.

From Barely Legal.

ECW Tag Team Titles: Eliminators vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are defending and we get the big entrance from Joel Gertner. The bell rings and Sign Guy Dudley tries to come in with some cheap shots. That earns him Total Elimination so the regular Dudleys are in, with Bubba powerbombing Kronus. D-Von’s top rope headbutt gets two and a splash (which the camera misses) connecting for the same. A Boss Man Slam plants Saturn but the 3D is broken up. The Eliminators are up with their usual collection of kicks as Saturn keeps having to tell Kronus where to go.

Stereo spinning top rope splashes hit the Dudleys and they roll outside, where they are knocked off the apron for a bonus. Kronus hits a big running flip dive to take the Dudleys down again, followed by a springboard spinwheel kick to D-Von back inside. Bubba is back in as well and you can tell there is something wrong (he broke his ankle somewhere in there). Saturn’s top rope elbow hits Bubba and D-Von is struck down. The fans chant for Saturn until Kronus hits a 450 on D-Von. Total Elimination to Bubba gives the Eliminators the titles at 6:31.

Rating: C+. The more I watch of the Eliminators, the clearer it becomes that Kronus did not have much. You could see Saturn having to tell him where to go and what to do, as Kronus was basically just a bunch of flips and dives with nothing in between. That being said, this was a good choice for an opener, as the hated Dudleys lose to give the fans a fun moment to start the show.

From Monday Nitro, November 3, 1997.

WCW TV Title: Saturn vs. Disco Inferno

Saturn is challenging in his WCW debut (save for a match on Saturday Night). Inferno jumps him to start fast and of course stops to dance. That lets Saturn trap the arms for a belly to belly and a hammerlock belly to belly. Saturn stays on the arm with some cranking and a spinning kick drops Inferno again. Another suplex sets up a Fujiwara armbar as the fans are distracted by something in the crowd. Inferno manages a shot of his own, only to get caught in a tiger suplex. The Rings Of Saturn gives us a new champion at 6:37.

Rating: C. Total squash from Saturn here, as Inferno’s early offense got him nowhere and his comeback lasted all of five seconds. Saturn completely dismantled Inferno and that’s exactly what this match should have been. Inferno was never presented as a serious champion so Saturn should have been able to run through him like this.

Post match the Flock celebrates by beating up Stevie Richards (a member of the team).

From Monday Nitro, February 23, 1998.

Saturn vs. Yuji Nagata

Sonny Onoo is here with Nagata. Saturn grinds away on a headlock to start as commentary talks about him losing the TV Title to Booker T. They go to the mat with neither getting very far so Nagata takes over with a series of kicks to the chest. A dragon suplex gets Saturn out of trouble but Nagata gives him an exploder for two of his own.

Nagata starts in on the leg and, after shrugging off a right hand, cranks on the leg even harder. A kneebar goes on as commentary talks about Rick Martel’s knee being wrecked last night at SuperBrawl (which is a shame as it cut off an amazing comeback). Saturn comes back with a hot shot and a suplex for two but Nagata gets in a Saito suplex. The Nagata Lock (standing Figure Four) goes on but Saturn slips out and pulls him into the Rings for the submission at 6:35.

Rating: C+. I’ve never quite gotten the appeal of Nagata but this was good enough. They beat each other up with a style of match that was pretty far ahead of its time. This was a bunch of suplexes and strikes, which felt like it belonged in 2018 rather than 1998. Saturn did well with this style, which shouldn’t be a surprise given what he was usually doing. Nice match here.

From Spring Stampede 1998.

Saturn vs. Goldberg

Dang those WCW pay per view sets were awesome. Goldberg sends him flying to start and it’s off to an early kneebar. Billy Kidman makes a quick save so Goldberg throws him onto Saturn. Back in and Saturn sweeps the leg into a springboard spinning legdrop. A middle rope elbow gets one but Goldberg is right back with his swinging neckbreaker. Goldberg picks him up for a gorilla press World’s Strongest Slam but Saturn gets in a suplex.

They go outside where Saturn sends him into the steps, snaps off a hurricanrana and then gets in a posting. An Asai moonsault almost goes horribly wrong as Saturn slips and almost falls down hard, with Goldberg thankfully there to catch him. Back in and a top rope spinwheel kick drops Goldberg for a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Goldberg hits a side slam but, after a bit of miscommunication, charges into a dropkick.

Back up and Goldberg hits a superkick (Bret Hart scoffs), followed by the spear. Kidman offers a distraction though and Saturn gets in a low blow. Saturn tries to take him up and gets super gorilla press slammed down (that looked great). Cue the Flock to swarm Goldberg, who shrugs it off and spears Kidman. The Rings go on but Goldberg powers him up into a fireman’s carry and then the Jackhammer for the pin at 8:02.

Rating: B-. What you had here was a good example of Saturn understanding the assignment. Goldberg was already set for a US Title shot the next night on Nitro (which he would of course win) so it wasn’t like there was any real drama about Saturn ending the Streak. Instead, this was about making Goldberg work for a win and look like a superhero, which Saturn could certainly do. Goldberg was still incredibly green at this point and Saturn was right there to walk him through the whole thing. Good stuff here.

From Monday Nitro, June 1, 1998.

Saturn/Raven vs. Public Enemy

Saturn suplexes Grunge to start and hands it off to Raven, who kicks away twice and then tags right back out. Rock comes in for a double elbow, followed by a drop toehold into a legdrop to the back of the head. Saturn gets knocked down again and a top rope elbow/side slam combination connects for two. Rock misses a moonsault though and Raven tags himself in, only to hit Saturn….by mistake? I think? It’s not entirely clear, but Saturn gets in Raven’s face.

Grunge clotheslines both of them down and Rock adds a flip dive to the floor. Back in and an assisted Swanton hits Saturn and Raven is put on a table for a running Swanton, with the table not breaking. Rock isn’t happy with that and does it AGAIN, with Raven landing on a mostly broken table. A chair is brought in but Grunge is sent into it, setting up the Death Valley Driver from Saturn. Raven is back in though and steals the pin at 6:44.

Rating: C+. You were probably expecting a sloppy brawl here and….well kind of as it came pretty close. Instead though, this was mainly about Raven and Saturn having issues, which worked out rather well. Saturn continues to look like the ready to break out star and that should be a great sign for his future. Raven is holding that back and that won’t work out well for him in the long term.

From Fall Brawl 1998.

Saturn vs. Raven

Anything goes and if Saturn wins, the Flock is free but if Raven wins, Saturn has to be his servant for the rest of his career. Kanyon is also handcuffed at ringside and is not happy. Saturn is now in trunks rather than jean shorts and it makes him look like a bigger star. Before the match, Raven calls Saturn an embarrassment while Saturn says Raven has no honor.

Raven starts fast with a hot shot but Saturn sends him into the corner. A knockdown sets up a top rope splash to give Saturn two and he knocks Raven into the barricade. Lodi tries to help Raven up but Saturn dives onto both of them for the big crash. Saturn gets sent into the barricade though and Lodi gets in some shots to put him in trouble again. Some middle rope elbows give Raven two and he grabs the sleeper, with Saturn jawbreaking his way to freedom.

A Russian legsweep gives Raven two but he drops down onto Saturn’s raised knees for a low blow. Saturn can’t fight back though and gets drop toeholded into an open chair. Cue Kidman for a save with Horace chasing him off. The Death Valley Driver gets a delayed two thanks to a Lodi distraction and Saturn fires off some clotheslines. The springboard spinning legdrop gets two and the Rings go on, with Lodi having to make a save.

Saturn beats them both up but the referee goes down, allowing Kanyon to pick his pocket. Kanyon unlocks himself and gives Saturn a Downward Spiral before being smart enough to handcuff himself again. Saturn kicks out of the very delayed cover and the fans are VERY pleased. Saturn’s Death Valley Driver sends Lodi through a table at ringside (that looked great) but the Even Flow connects….for two. A quick Death Valley Driver gives Saturn the win at 14:04.

Rating: B. This might be the peak of Saturn’s time in wrestling, as he gets to beat Raven to disband the Flock while overcoming the odds in the process. The fans were WAY behind what Saturn was doing here, with the reactions to those kickouts telling you everything you needed to know. It was a heck of a match and the culmination of a big story, which is more than we’ve seen thus far.

From Monday Nitro, January 25, 1999.

Saturn vs. Norman Smiley

Ok then. Saturn is in a dress (it was a thing for him, as I guess he was getting too over) and knocks him down to start fast. A running shoulder drops Smiley and Saturn grinds away on a headlock. Smiley fights out and gets in a shot of his own and teases the Big Wiggle, only to get elbowed in the face. A quick powerslam gives Smiley two and we hit the chinlock as we take a break.

We come back with Smiley suplexing him down and adding the swinging slam out of the corner. A butterfly suplex gives Smiley two and he turns Saturn inside out with a clothesline. Saturn knocks him down, only to have a Vader Bomb hit raised knees. A delayed vertical suplex gets two on Saturn and Smiley, after adjusting the dress, gets in the Big Wiggle. Saturn is back with a superkick and top rope knee before doing his own version of the Big Wiggle, which gets quite the reaction. The Death Valley Driver finishes Smiley at 10:47.

Rating: C+. And this is where the frustration sets in. Just a few months after Saturn beat Raven for the big moment, here he is in a nothing match with comedy wrestler Norman Smiley. Commentary spent a good chunk of the match making jokes about the dress, and what else were you expecting? WCW took a hot star and turned him into a joke, probably because he was getting to a level where they didn’t want him. That’s one of the many reasons WCW isn’t around today.

From Judgment Day 2000.

WWF European Title: Perry Saturn vs. Dean Malenko vs. Eddie Guerrero

Guerrero is defending and they start fast with Guerrero being sent into the corner. Saturn clotheslines Malenko down but gets dropped by Guerrero. A hurricanrana each takes both challengers down, followed by a tornado DDT to give Guerrero two. Malenko is back up with some running clotheslines, which gets commentary to stop oogling Chyna for a bit. Guerrero crotches Malenko on top but gets dropped with the super gutbuster.

Saturn sends Malenko outside and hits a nice frog splash for two on Guerrero with Malenko making the save. Saturn’s double belly to back suplex drops both of them before he goes outside…where Chyna hits him in the head with the bouquet of roses (including the lead pipe). Back in and Malenko cuts off a roses shot but Chyna trips him down, allowing Guerrero to get la majistral to retain at 7:57 (ignore Malenko’s shoulder being off the mat).

Rating: B-. They had to get the Radicalz in there somehow and they only had so many options that didn’t involve a certain someone. Saturn was getting in some good offense here but Guerrero retaining makes sense. Solid match here, and I’ll take that as the Radicalz entry on the collection.

From WWF Jakked, March 9, 2002.

Perry Saturn vs. Paul London

An early headlock takeover has Saturn down and London dropkicks him out to the floor. Saturn snaps London’s neck across the top rope to take over back inside. Some slow stomping lets Saturn keep him down for the big top rope elbow (which always looked great). Saturn goes up top again but get knocked out of the air, allowing London to get two off a Lionsault. The shooting star press misses though and a Death Valley Driver finishes London off at 6:58.

Rating: C. This was a really weird way to wrap it up, as I guess they were only interested in finishing with a Saturn win over a future name. The action wasn’t exactly great and you could tell that Saturn had been seriously demoted by this point. Still though, he got to do some of his signature stuff and it still looked good enough.

Overall Rating: C+. The frustrating thing about Saturn is that he was never given a real chance to get over as a big deal. Of course I wasn’t expecting him to be among the top names in either company, but he could work in the ring, had a unique look and had the fans behind him. Then he lost to a leaving Chris Jericho and was put in a dress, because that’s what you do with an up and coming star. Or eventually give him a mop as a best friend/love interest.

It’s a shame that he was the victim of such nonsense, as there was definitely potential to do something more. If nothing else, let him do that big elbow, as he made it look absolutely devastating. Either way, this was a very nice surprise on the Vault and I could go for seeing a lot more just like this with names that aren’t exactly top stars.

 

 

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Strangest Summerslam Matches
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield, Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan, Jim Ross, Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper, Corey Graves

This could be interesting as I’m curious to know what WWE considers “strange”. There have been some unique matches throughout Summerslam’s history, though I’m not sure what I would classify as strange. Either way, we could be going through quite a few years here and that sounds fun so let’s get to it.

From 2013.

Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

Ring Of Fire match, meaning…well what do you think it means? The idea here is that there are walls of flames that will pop up if someone tries to leave or if someone (namely the Wyatt Family, here with Bray) tries to get in. You win by pinfall or submission and this is Wyatt’s in-ring main roster debut. Got all that?

The bell rings and the flames go up, albeit just a few inches. That’s not very impressive, though the flames jumping up feet as Kane clotheslines Wyatt down works WAY better. Kane knocks him near the flames, sending Wyatt into the corner instead. Wyatt fights back but gets suplexed so the flames go up again. The running body block drops Kane as Lawler describes Wyatt as “Duck Dynasty meets Charles Manson”.

Wyatt starts shouting while stomping so Kane kicks him in the face. The side slam has the flames flying again but Wyatt gets in his own knockdown and requests a kendo stick. Said stick catches on fire so the firemen spray it down. The chokeslam plants Wyatt for no cover as Kane is distracted by the Family trying to get in. Another chokeslam drops Wyatt again but the Family puts a blanket over the flames and get inside, meaning the double teaming can begin. Sister Abigail finishes Kane at 7:49.

Rating: C. When the whole point of the match is “they can’t get in because of the fire” and then they figure out how to get around the fire in about seven minutes, it’s only so interesting. As was the case with so many ideas involving Wyatt, this was a fun concept that didn’t exactly work, mainly because it got way too simple once the bell rang. Kane was a good first opponent for Wyatt, but this could have been done a lot better.

From 1999.

Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock

Lion’s Den match, meaning in a small, round cage with weapons hanging from the sides. Blackman gets smart by using the nunchucks on Shamrock’s leg. Shamrock takes them away so Blackman sweeps the leg to take him down again. Back up and Shamrock pulls him into a cross armbreaker, which is broken up rather quickly.

Blackman rams him into the cage a few times and slowly hammers away before getting the kendo stick. Shamrock fights up with a belly to belly suplex and beats Blackman down with the stick for a change, including a nasty shot to the…well the shoulder but Shamrock was at least swinging for the head. Another shots to the head knocks Blackman silly for the win at 9:04.

Rating: C. I’ve never gotten much out of this, as it’s mainly just two guys hitting each other with weapons for about nine minutes. There’s only so much interest to be found in a match like this and the ending left something to be desired. It’s not a terrible match, but it’s another concept that really didn’t click.

From 2000.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero/Chyna vs. Val Venis/Trish Stratus

Venis and Stratus are defending and whomever gets the fall is the champion. Venis shoulders Guerrero down to start but gets caught with a northern lights suplex for two. Chyna comes in for a double flapjack and goes after Trish (to a ROAR) but Venis makes the save. Guerrero comes back in to glare at Trish, followed by a hurricanrana for two on Venis.

Back up and Venis grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb before the two of them ram heads for a double down. NOW Trish is willing to come in and cover Guerrero for two, but it’s off to Chyna and the fans approve. Venis has to pull Chyna down out of the corner but Guerrero pulls Venis to the floor. That leaves Trish alone with Chyna and it’s a gorilla to make Chyna the Intercontinental Champion at 7:13.

Rating: C+. I’ve seen this match a bunch of times over the years and it really does kind of work. It’s a match where the ending is fairly obvious but you’re left wondering how we’ll get there. The good thing is they didn’t screw it up, as Chyna gets to wreck Trish and win the title, which is how this should have gone. Fun stuff.

From 1993.

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Rest In Peace match, which basically means street fight. Harvey Wippleman is here with Gonzalez and has stolen the urn, shockingly enough, though there’s no Paul Bearer. Undertaker strikes away with the uppercuts to start but Gonzalez kicks him in the face. That means the situp, with Heenan wondering if that’s how Undertaker sits up in bed in the morning.

They go outside, where Gonzalez gets in a heck of a chair shot to put Undertaker down again. Undertaker slowly pulls himself up and they go back inside for more uppercuts, but Undertaker stops to go for the urn. That doesn’t work well…and here is Paul Bearer to one of the biggest reactions he’ll ever receive. Bearer actually takes out Wippleman and gets the urn back, with the fans rather approving. Undertaker fires off a bunch of clotheslines, with a top rope version finally putting Gonzalez away at 8:05.

Rating: D. I know I’m not exactly breaking any new ground with this, but Gonzalez was another kind of terrible. This was supposed to be some big special match and other than a chair shot, it might as well have been a regular match. It’s a good example of a star having nothing to work with and the results were definitely not pretty.

From 1992.

Rick Martel vs. Shawn Michaels

The deal here is neither can hit the other in the face as Sherri, who is at ringside, finds them both very attractive. The back of Sherri’s pants are missing and Vince loses his mind, as you might expect him to. Martel flips away from him to start and Michaels is frustrated early on. A dropkick puts Martel down but Michaels goes to say something to Sherri, allowing Martel to get in a cheap shot from behind.

Martel knocks him to the floor and stops to hug Sherri, who seems to approve. Back in and Martel backdrops him down but they’re done with this and start slapping each other…and Sherri faints. Vince thinks she had a heart attack and we pause for both of them to check on her, with Michaels hitting Martel in the face. They fight up the aisle (with Sherri looking up and then putting her head back down) for the double countout at 8:08.

Rating: B-. I’ve seen this match a few times now and the more I watch it, the more I find it kind of brilliant. It’s one of those matches that would only really work with these two or a very small select handful otherwise but dang if they didn’t knock it out of the part. Sherri made it even better and I had a great time with this again. The match isn’t even anything particularly outstanding, but the whole concept worked very well.

Michaels picks Sherri up and carries her to the back but Martel runs back down and decks Michaels, making him drop Sherri. Martel tries to take her back but gets knocked down as well, with Michaels taking her back. Then Martel comes out with a bucket of water and pours it over Sherri, causing Michaels to chase him to the back. Sherri storms after them and screams a lot. The post match stuff adds a lot to the whole story.

From 2008.

Intercontinental/Women’s Title: Kofi Kingston/Mickie James vs. Santino Marella/Beth Phoenix

Kingston and James are defending and this is winning team takes all. The women start things off with James kicking her down and hitting a basement dropkick as Marella is panicking. Phoenix backdrops her way out of trouble and it’s off to Marella, who gets monkey flipped.

Kingston comes in and sends Marella outside, where he jumps into Phoenix’s arms to avoid a dive. Back in and Marella goes to the eyes so Phoenix can come in to beat on Kingston. Marella’s snap suplex sets up a reverse chinlock but Kingston fights up in a hurry. It’s back to James to clean house but Phoenix gets in a shot from behind. The Glam Slam gives Phoenix the win and the titles at 5:42.

Rating: C. This is another one that I’ve seen a bunch of times over the years and it doesn’t quite work as well as the one from 2000. The problem here is it could have gone either way and that makes things a bit different. It’s also not as good of a match, as the Marella/Phoenix stuff is much more about comedy, which takes away some of its impact. Not bad at all though.

Marella does a huge over the top celebration and climbs onto Phoenix’s shoulders as they leave.

From 1991.

Big Boss Man vs. The Mountie

Jimmy Hart is with the Mountie and the loser spends the night in jail. After his always awesome entrance, Boss Man hits him in the face to start and gets two off a splash. Mountie goes to the eyes and heads up, only to be pulled out of the air for one heck of a spinebuster. The neck crank goes on so Hart offers a distraction, allowing Mountie to send Boss Man into the steps.

Back in and Mountie slowly hammers away as Heenan makes Andy Griffith references. An elbow puts Boss Man on the floor so Hart yells a lot, causing Monsoon to call him the best advertisement for birth control. Back in again and Mountie gets two off a piledriver, meaning it’s time for the shock stick. That’s kicked away though and Boss Man hits a Boss Man Slam for…two. Huh. One heck of an Alabama Slam finishes Mountie at 9:49.

Rating: C. The match itself isn’t the point here, though that Alabama Slam was awesome. What mattered here was the fun that you knew was coming, as again there was no reason to believe that the Boss Man would lose. At the end of the day, the Boss Man losing wouldn’t have led to anything entertaining, while Mountie going to jail writes itself. Not a great match, but the right story to tell.

Post match Mountie is immediately put in a police van….and somehow we don’t get the collection of stuff with Mountie going to jail later. Come on Vault. Be better than that.

From 2023.

Ronda Rousey vs. Shayna Baszler

This is MMA rules, which were never exactly specified coming in. The referee explains that you can only win by knockout or submission, which is quite the bit of information. Baszler won’t touch gloves and we’re ready to go. Baszler takes her down into a front facelock to start but gets wrestled down. Back up and Baszler starts kicking at the leg before a high kick to the head sends Rousey out to the floor.

Rousey staggers back in and Baszler starts in on the leg, allowing them to punch each other from the mat. Rousey gets up and manages a hard knee to the face to put Baszler down for a bit. Another shot sends Baszler into the corner and we pause for the medics to check on her, with Rousey wondering why the fight isn’t over. Rousey shoves the medics away and gets suplexed down by Baszler, who grabs the Kirifuda Clutch. That’s reversed into the cross armbreaker but Baszler escapes and gets the Kirifuda Clutch and Rousey is out at 7:26.

Rating: D+. Yeah this really didn’t work. Between not being clear on the rules and the execution being pretty bad on top of that, it just wasn’t a great idea. I definitely appreciate Rousey putting Baszler over on her way out, but whatever they were going for just did not work out that well. They would have been better off with a regular, hard hitting match as this came up short.

Overall Rating: C. I’m not sure what to make of a playlist like this, as there is no particular flow to it and nothing is connected, though that’s also not the point. This was about a bunch of random odd matches and that’s exactly what you got. They never said that the matches were good, and for the most part they really weren’t. Nothing on here really stands out as must see, but it has enough nostalgic value for a quick glance if you haven’t seen some of them in a minute.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Even More One-Sided Beatdowns
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Tony Schiavone, Gordon Solie, Mr. Perfect, Randy Savage, Jerry Lawler, Bobby Heenan

The name here should tell you all you need to know. The WWE Vault had previously released a collection of squash matches and I had a blast with the whole thing. Now we get a sequel, which will be from all over wrestling history. This could be almost anything and that has me interested. Let’s get to it.

From Superstars, March 9, 1996.

Yokozuna vs. Denny Parton/Mark Kyle/Reginald Walker

You might possibly remember Kyle as Killer Kyle in SMW. Parton jumping Yokozuna to start doesn’t go well as he is sent outside and Kyle has the same result. Commentary talks about Yokozuna’s match with Vader at Wrestlemania, which would not wind up happening (well not as a singles match at least). The Banzai Drop hits Kyle and Yokozuna stacks the other two up for one of their own for the double pin at 2:40. This was close to the end for Yokozuna and it showed pretty badly.

From Smackdown, May 12, 2005.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Jimmy Jacobs

Guerrero has a bloody Rey Mysterio mask, which he puts on the ring post. The referee checks Guerrero for weapons and then does the same to Jacobs, with Guerrero using the distraction to jump him. A running elbow drops Jacobs and a belly to back suplex does it again. We pause for Guerrero to stop and yell at the mask, which he then puts on Jacobs’ head and hammers away. Jacobs is sent outside and rammed into the announcers’ table before Guerrero grabs a chair. The brainbuster onto the chair is enough for the DQ at 2:59. Total decimation.

From World Wide Wrestling, April 6, 1991.

Stan Hansen/Sid Vicious vs. David Isley/Keith Hart

We get an insert promo from Sting and Lex Luger, who are ready to go through the tag division and take on anyone. If your option is to face Sid and Hansen, you might want to look into selling furniture. Isley is thrown outside and dropped with a suplex, allowing Hansen to hammer away. Back in and the powerbomb finishes Hart at 2:38. Sid was made for matches like this one.

Post match the beatdown stays on with Isley being put on a stretcher. Sid throws Hart onto Isley, who is then wheeled into the post.

From Superstars, June 1, 1996.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marty Garner

OH BOY it’s this match. Helmsley gets to woo his latest valet to start things off and then easily takes Garner down. We get an insert promo from Helmsley, who doesn’t think much of Jake Roberts. The curtsy lets Garner get in a dropkick to the back but a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker cuts him off. Helmsley slaps him around a bit and hits the jumping knee to the face. The Pedigree is loaded up and Helmsley SPIKES HIM ON HIS HEAD, with Garner taking it like a piledriver instead of like a faceplant. Either way, what’s left of Garner is pinned at 3:11.

Rating: C. Nothing to the match of course but this was ALL about the Pedigree, which is a clip that has made the rounds ever since. It was simply a case of Garner not taking the move properly and thankfully he didn’t break his neck in the process. If nothing else, it made the Pedigree look like a killer and that’s great.

From Monday Nitro, February 5, 2001.

Scott Steiner vs. Jung Dragons/Noble And Karagias

Steiner wastes no time in starting to slug away and drops the elbow on Noble. The pushups take too long though as Karagias springboards in with a moonsault and a pair of top rope splashes connect. A four way cover gets two but Steiner is back up with a double clothesline. An overhead belly to belly drops Noble and Yang gets crotched on top. Hayashi is tossed outside and Noble is thrown onto him. There goes Karagias as well and a t-bone superplex drops Yang. Steiner won’t let the referee count three though, instead suplexing Noble and Karagias. A triple Steiner Recliner finishes for Steiner at 3:03.

Rating: C+. When Scott Steiner gets going, it’s just fun to see him smashing through people. That’s exactly what we got here, even if it took a bit before Steiner got going. He was the huge monster heel at this point and it could have gone somewhere had the company not been dying around him.

From World Championship Wrestling, likely in 1986.

Animal vs. ???/???

Animal runs through them and clothesline them both for the double pin at 35 seconds. That worked.

From Superstars, August 21, 1993.

Quebecers vs. Dan Dubiel/Scott Despres

Jacques jumps them to start and gives Dubiel a package piledriver. Pierre is backdropped onto Dubiel and an Alabama Slam into the Boston crab lets Pierre drop a middle rope Fameasser (Savage: “I have just retired from wrestling!”) and Despres makes the save. Savage thinks that should dissolve the partnership and it’s Le Bombe de Rougeau to Despres. The Cannonball finishes a rather entertaining squash at 2:15.

From World Championship Wrestling, June 17, 1989.

Samoan Swat Team vs. Rock Hard Rick/Mike Awesome

Well there’s a surprise, with Awesome (in Hulk Hogan red kneepads and yellow trunks) getting knocked to the floor to start. Rick gets planted with a Hart Attack and a spinning faceplant. A scary backdrop plants Rick and it’s off to Awesome, who gets knocked into the corner. Samu hits a belly to back superplex and Fatu’s top rope splash (so that’s where Awesome got it) finishes at 2:14. This was 100% on there because of Awesome, but dang I can go for some Headshrinkers dominance.

From WCW Saturday Night, May 14, 1994.

Rick Rude vs. Mark Starr

Starr catches a boot to the ribs to start and gets thrown down by the head a few times. Some hard clotheslines drop Starr again and Rude hammers away. One heck of a piledriver plants Starr again as Rude calls out Vader. Some hard jabs and a belly to belly suplex get two and we hit the bearhug. Rude gets tired of that and finishes with the Rude Awakening at 3:34.

Rating: C+. Rude screaming for Vader was good stuff, but at the same time it’s very sad to see, because by the time this aired, Rude had already suffered the back injury that ended his full time career. He would go on to win the International Title but have to vacate the belt as a result of his injury. Rude as the big heavy hitter was working though and the look on his face made him feel all the more intense.

From Superstars, December 3, 1994.

Jim Neidhart vs. Jeff Harvey

Yes Harvey, and yes that is better known as Jeff HARDY. MIKE ADAMLE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!! Neidhart isn’t having any of this running the ropes thing and tosses Harvey over the top. A big backdrop drops Harvey on his back and a camel clutch finishes him off at 2:04. I knew it was going to be someone big facing Neidhart and they didn’t disappoint with a 17 year old Hardy. Er Harvey.

Overall Rating: B-. Yeah I had another good time with this, as it was nothing but big stars smashing through people, just as described. There is something fun about seeing this rather than a much bigger star needing ten minutes to beat someone not on their level. Fun stuff here, with some of the squashed being nothing short of devastation, which is often the most entertaining thing you’ll see in wrestling.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the big one as things have to change at some point in WWE. I’m curious to see how this show goes as I haven’t seen the television leading up to it since the show aired so maybe the show will feel a little bit different. The theme is Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood, which has included some outstanding movie parody trailers. Oh and Batista and John Cena look more than ready to become the top stars in the company. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Tajiri, William Regal, Rhino, Hurricane, Rosey, Maven, Simon Dean, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Tyson Tomko, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Mark Jindrak, Funaki, Akio, Orlando Jordan, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Booker T.. Paul London, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty

This is your “get them all on the show” match, which was likely just the DVD extra. They’re all in their show colored shirts with Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long at ringside. Before the bell, Hurricane gives Heidenreich his own mask so Heidenreich punches him in the face. Must be a villain. The fighting starts with Spike being sent to the steps as Hurricane makes the mistake of hammering away in the corner, making him the first elimination.

Reigns is out next as the ring is still very full. A bunch of the cruiserweights hold Viscera down so Scotty can hit the Worm. That high level of missing the point could explain why they don’t get on television very often. Masters doesn’t like that line of thinking and dumps Scotty, Funaki, Spike and Kidman in a hurry. Haas is tossed as well as the ring is clearing out a bit.

Masters dumps Nunzio, though it might not have been over the top. With nothing else to do, Heidenreich destroys a turnbuckle and tears off his mask before clotheslining the heck out of Venis for an elimination. Dean and Grenier are out as well, followed by Rosey, all at Heidenreich’s hands. Rhyno is out next and it’s Dupree following him in a hurry. Both Bashams go out as the fans are behind Regal.

With about twelve people left, we get the always natural looking Raw vs. Smackdown showdown with Akio and Holly being tossed, followed by Regal to even things up a bit. Tajiri mists Heidenreich so the blind monster gets rid of London. Heidenreich and Tajiri fight on the apron until Snitsky gets rid of them, leaving us with Jindrak, Booker, Masters, Snitsky and Viscera.

Jindrak gets rid of Snitsky and hits the big left on Viscera….which staggers Jindrak so much that Masters can get rid of him. Nunzio does the “I’M STILL IN” deal, only to be tossed seconds later. Viscera crushes Booker in the corner but he’s fine enough to low bridge the monster to the floor. The full nelson is broken up and a superkick gives Booker the win.

Rating: D+. It’s kind of hard to get too annoyed at a match like this as the whole point is getting people on the show and therefore onto the DVD, which is a nice bonus for the talent. I know this isn’t the most important match but it came and went fast enough and wasn’t terrible. Assuming you can ignore the RAH RAH RAH Raw vs. Smackdown aspect, it’s nothing too bad.

Lilian Garcia sings America the Beautiful. She’ll have a job in WWE as long as she wants one for how good she can make that sound.

The Titantron is revealed with the red curtain coming up. They’re nailing the theme this year.

We get a montage of the trailers, leading to the big reveal of the final trailer: Gladiator, featuring Steve Austin as Maximus. It’s a cool idea and suitable casting but there were better trailers.

It’s strange to see Wrestlemania in an arena. That’s one of those things you’ll probably never see again.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Not a bad way to start and the red carpet in the aisle makes it even better. They’re the Smackdown Tag Team Champions but Eddie isn’t sure if he can beat Rey. There’s no superhero outfit this year as Rey has Mexican/American flag inspired gear. Rey flips out of an armbar to start and hits a running knee but has to adjust the mask. A second armbar works a bit better for Eddie and but Rey pops up and climbs onto Eddie’s shoulders.

The sunset flip is countered into a catapult to the floor but Rey switches places and teases a dive to take us to an early standoff. Eddie takes him down into a keylock to stay on the arm before sending Rey outside. Since he’s a luchador as well, Eddie busts out his own dive to the floor, with the fans rather pleased with him. Rey adjust his mask again, as he isn’t wearing the regular kind and the clasp is different, causing a lot of issues.

Back in and Eddie stays on the arm (instead of the leg because Eddie is smart, since working on Mysterio’s leg hasn’t worked well for most people) before switching over to a surfboard. That’s broken up so Rey armdrags him to the floor, meaning the big corkscrew flip dive can take Eddie down. A backbreaker gives Eddie two though as Rey can’t keep the momentum going. Rey gets back up and tries the 619 but walks into another backbreaker for two, allowing Rey to fix the mask again.

Three Amigos connect, with Rey holding his mask the whole time. The extra vision lets Rey avoid the frog splash and now the 619 connects. The West Cost Pop is countered into a hard powerbomb for two as they go back to the back. Eddie tries another powerbomb but this time Rey reverses into a hurricanrana for the pin and one final mask adjustment.

Rating: B-. I don’t know how much the mask stuff messed with Rey but it seemed to be causing at least a bit of a problem. He had to mess with that thing probably a dozen times in a twelve minute match and it was becoming really noticeable. The idea here is to continue Eddie’s descent into jealousy over not being able to beat Mysterio and that could be a heck of a story.

JBL and the Cabinet meets Evolution. HHH says Ric Flair is the wrestling god and maybe one day someone will believe that JBL is that good. A staredown over belt importance and a WOO to Orlando Jordan ends a terrifying prospect. Somehow, JBL and HHH only had one singles match ever against each other and it was on a random Raw in 2008. You would think they would have met at least a handful of times.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Edge vs. Christian vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit

Money in the Bank with Tyson Tomko out with Kane. Kane gets a cool entrance where the ladders on the set are on fire. Almost everyone goes after Kane in the aisle and a variety of double teams take him down. Christian tries to use the melee to bring in a ladder but Jericho slams it into his face. A springboard dropkick sends Edge into Benoit to knock them both off the apron, followed by Jericho’s dive onto Edge.

Shelton hits the big running flip dive onto a bunch of people, with Kane adding the top rope clothesline to take down the same pile plus Benjamin for the wipe out. Back in and Jericho dropkicks a ladder into Kane but Benoit German suplexes Jericho, sending the ladder flying in a cool shot. Benoit’s climb is cut off so he Crossfaces Kane and then Edge, the latter of which allows Kane to hit Benoit with the ladder.

To make it worse, Kane crushes Benoit’s arm in the ladder over and over. Edge spears Kane down and it’s the big reunion with Christian, who grabs his own ladder to smash Kane at the same time. Now it’s Shelton coming in to send Christian outside and flapjack Edge into the ladder. Shelton and Jericho fight on top of the ladder until two more ladders are brought in (Lawler: “It’s like open house at Home Depot!”), meaning it’s everyone but Kane on top at the same time.

Benoit, Jericho and Christian are knocked down, leaving Shelton to hit the exploder on Edge off the ladder for the huge crash. Jericho is left to go up but Shelton runs up a second ladder to clothesline Jericho off because he can do something like that. Christian knocks Shelton off the ladder as Kane returns from the short term death that afflicts wrestlers in ladder matches. Tomko comes in and kicks Kane in the face before helping Christian to the top in a bit of a call back to TLC II.

Kane is back up though and shoves the ladder over, sending Christian down to the floor and onto Tomko. Jericho and Kane knock each other off the ladder and everyone is down as we need a breather. With Kane down, Benoit (bleeding from the head) hits the Swan Dive off the ladder. Benoit goes up but has to headbutt Kane off but the arm is too banged up to get the briefcase. Edge blasts Benoit in the arm with a chair though and that’s enough to pull down the briefcase for the win.

Rating: A-. Yeah this was great with more time for drama and fewer instances of having the people laying around forever because there are too many people in the match at the same time. Edge winning is the best call as no one has been chasing the title like him and now he can steal the title down the line. It’s a heck of a fight though with a bunch of awesome spots and stuff that kept the fans interested without many dead spots. Great stuff and an awesome way to debut the concept.

Here’s the still injured Eugene, whose music doesn’t start until halfway down the aisle. This is his second favorite Wrestlemania moment every, after the midget army getting together to fight off King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania III (Hillbilly Jim was included as well, and he spent a good hour talking about it during his Hall of Fame speech). Cue Daivari and Muhammad Hassan to complain about not being on the show (that they’re on) and rant about the prejudice in Los Angeles.

Hassan is ready to make his own Wrestlemania moment and jumps Eugene, setting up the camel clutch. Cue Hulk Hogan or the REAL AMERICAN save, including a double noggin knocker. Hassan gets sent outside so Daivari can hit Hogan with a chair. Since that doesn’t work, it’s a big boot and another toss to the floor so the posing can commence. Hogan even gets to do the big pose in front of the huge American flag on the stage. Yeah it’s old hat but I’ll always be a Hulkamaniac so this made me smile.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton won the World Title last fall but lost it in a hurry and has been on a slow downward spiral since. He needs to get back on track so he’s going after Undertaker and the Streak while turning heel in the process. Orton’s dad Bob is helping him a bit, because Orton has slid far enough that he needs that kind of help.

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

The druids with the torches are here so you know it’s serious. Undertaker glides to the ring for a pretty cool entrance, which goes much faster than usual for a bonus. Orton comes out second for some reason, albeit with his own cool entrance of pyro raining down behind him as he poses with the still awesome Burn In My Light playing. After some early dodging, the first right hand gets Orton launched into the corner.

The dropkick out of the corner gets two and Orton backdrops him for a bump you don’t see from Undertaker that often. The early RKO attempt is shoved over the top as Undertaker is starting a bit slowly here. Old School connects but Orton is back up with a dropkick to the floor to take over. Undertaker’s running DDT gets two and Snake Eyes connects. The ensuing big boot is cut off with a running elbow though, sending the fans straight into a LET’S GO UNDERTAKER/RANDY SUCKS chant.

The slugout goes to Undertaker and we hit the dragon sleeper as Undertaker busts out some different stuff for a change. Orton breaks out and grabs a sleeper, which doesn’t please the crowd. The counter before Orton can take him to the ground is more appealing but Orton is back with a powerslam.

For some reason, Orton hammers away in the corner, meaning he has to escape the Last Ride. The referee gets bumped though and here’s Bob with a cast shot to Undertaker’s head for the close two. Undertaker boots Bob off the apron and grabs the chokeslam, which is reversed into the RKO in midair (one of my favorite counters ever) for two and a big sigh of relief from the fans. For reasons of general cockiness, Orton tries his own Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to make Undertaker 13-0.

Rating: B-. It’s a good match but it never came close to that higher level. It would take a little longer for Undertaker to get that much better at Wrestlemania so for now it’s just a good one. Orton was trying here and looked better than he has in a long time, though aside from that one RKO, he never felt like a real threat here. Still though, one hot near fall is better than none and it wasn’t bad by any stretch.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme. It’s the annual Playboy match as we’re now supposed to believe that Christy can wrestle and isn’t just there because of her looks. Lita has been training Christy and is more interesting than anything Christy has been doing. Keep in mind that Christy isn’t at fault here. She isn’t a wrestler and is being thrown into a match because she won a modeling contest. That’s on WWE, not Christy.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Trish is defending and Christy has Lita with her. The bell rings and Trish drops to the mat but kicks Christy away in a rather heelish move. They head outside with Trish sending her into the steps, followed by some chops in the corner back inside. The Chick Kick misses and Christy hits one of her own as the fans are just gone for this.

Christy does the splits on top to set up a sunset flip for two, only to have Trish spear her down. We get the BORING chants as Trish stops to yell at Lita, allowing Christy to start in with the kicks. The reverse Twist of Fate and a rollup give Christy two each but Trish has had it. That means the Chick Kick to retain the title and end Christy’s wrestling run.

Rating: D-. Yeah what else were you expecting? Trish was wrestling herself here as Christy was only good for some tumbling and that Twist of Fate. The women’s division is all but dead at this point and it’s likely going to be a long time before things get better. Christy was trying here but had no business in this spot.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Angle was annoyed that Shawn eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and beat him up, setting off the big feud. Kurt is annoyed that people were talking about Shawn in 1996 when Angle was an Olympic champion. Now Angle wants to prove that he is the better man on the biggest stage. Shawn is down with that because he’s Shawn Michaels and it’s Wrestlemania. This is more or less WWE saying “yeah it’s going to be a classic and everyone knows it.”

Various celebrities are here.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

They stare at each other both before and after the bell until Shawn slaps him in the face. That makes Angle take him to the mat and Shawn is completely outclassed there. A headlock takeover works a bit better for Shawn as the fans are behind Angle for a bit of a surprise. The headlock stays on for a good while as they probably have a lot of time here. Shawn switches over to a short armscissors, allowing Angle to power out ala Bob Backlund (his old mentor).

Shawn is right back with the headlock but this time Angle powers up and takes him into the corner. The ankle lock is quickly broken up and it’s Shawn with a Cactus Clothesline to put them both on the floor. The announcers’ table is loaded up but Angle hits an Angle Slam into the post to take something out of Shawn. A suplex gives Angle two and it’s off to the bodyscissors to stay on the ribs/back.

The belly to belly gets two and it’s a reverse chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back. Angle’s belly to belly superplex is broken up but Shawn misses the top rope elbow. Shawn is fine enough to backdrop Angle to the floor and he’s crazy enough to hit a high crossbody to the floor with the knee possibly hitting Angle in the face. Angle gets back up and teases the German suplex off the apron to make the fans a little nervous.

A low blow gets Shawn out of trouble and that means the springboard spinning splash onto Angle onto the announcers’ table for less of a pop than you might have expected, mainly because the table doesn’t break. They head back in for the slugout into Shawn’s forearm and nipup so things can pick up again. Sweet Chin Music (way too early) is countered into the ankle lock, setting up the big crawl to the rope. Angle gets it again but this time Shawn reverses into a rollup for two.

Another Sweet Chin Music attempt is countered into the Angle Slam for two as frustration is setting in. In another awesome moment, Angle pulls his straps up so he can pull them right back down again because you know it’s serious. The moonsault misses though (probably spent too much time with the straps) so Shawn goes up, only to get caught in the super Angle Slam for two, meaning Angle looks ready to cry at the kickout.

Angle talks a bunch of trash so Shawn snaps off Sweet Chin Music to shut him up. That gets a very delayed two and they both need a breather. Angle picks the ankle into the ankle lock as he’s right back up but this time Shawn can’t kick away. Shawn fights everywhere but finally gets pulled down into the grapevine for the tap (after a nearly goofy amount of time).

Rating: A+. Yeah what else do you want here? They told an outstanding story with Shawn going with the natural talent but Angle just wanting it that much more and turning up the intensity to a level Shawn couldn’t reach. It made Shawn look like he couldn’t beat Angle on his best night, all while putting in an instant classic. These two went back and forth with one big spot after another and Angle took away a lot of Shawn’s strength by working on the back. Check this one out if you haven’t in a while as it’s worth seeing again.

Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit (and I think there was an edit in there as the set was put together in the blink of an eye). Piper thanks the fans for the Hall of Fame but wants to get down to business. He wanted the meanest and baddest man in WWE so his guest is Steve Austin. Cue Austin (with a glass breaking transition as we cut to the stage), with JR saying that he’s back at Wrestlemania. He hasn’t missed one since 2000 so that’s not the biggest accomplishment. Piper asks if Austin is the rebel and slaps him in the face so Austin calls him an SOB and returns the slap. Piper: “I kind of like you.”

With that out of the way, Piper talks about respecting Austin but gets cut off by the WHAT chants, which he doesn’t seem to understand. Piper takes issue with one thing: he was ticking Vince McMahon off when Wrestlemania didn’t even have a number. Austin and James Dean have nothing on Piper when it comes to being a rebel. Austin runs down Piper’s appearance and they get in each other’s faces, allowing Piper to quote Cool Hand Luke about a failure of communication.

Cue Carlito, with Piper and Austin accusing each other of bringing him out. Piper: “I’ll get back to you.” Carlito accuses both of them of arguing like girls, before declaring them both non-cool. Piper: “Who the h*** are you? You look like Alfalfa.” Carlito wants the two of them out of here and loads up the apple but Piper takes it away.

It’s Carlito taking the spit this time so Carlito hits him in the face as Austin laughs. Bored of that, Austin beats Carlito up and Piper sends him outside. Beer is consumed until Austin Stuns Piper. This completely missed as Piper and Austin didn’t have anything to say to each other. Carlito getting to be out there was a nice few moments for him but this was all about the legends, who didn’t need to be there.

It’s immediately time for the sumo match with a much harder cut to Cole and Tazz. They had to edit something out of there and we get a VERY long crowd shot during the next entrance. That was probably to remove the ropes, but it still felt like something was cut.

Upon further review, they aired the You Talking To Me trailer here and announced it as winning the Best Overall Trailer award. They’ve aired that on Raw and Smackdown, so why cut it here?

Akebono vs. Big Show

They do the full traditional opening as the fans are really not interested in this one. We finally get going, they slap each other, pull at the gear a bit, Show lifts Akebono and spins him around, and then Akebono wins. This didn’t work again as it came and went as it just wasn’t the right thing for a show like Wrestlemania. Akebono never wrestled for WWE again and I don’t know if he ever appeared again so I’m not sure what the thinking was here.

We recap John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield for the Smackdown World Title. It’s built around a culture clash with JBL being the old, rich traditionalist while Cena lives by his own rules and cares about the people. Cena won a tournament to get the shot so JBL talked about how people like Cena didn’t deserve to be champion. He couldn’t get Cena to go too far though and Cena is ready to explode here.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending and gets a police escort into the arena. Just to show off, we get a shower of JBL dollars, which are always a nice touch. They trade shoulders to start with JBL getting the better of it (the big boot out of the corner probably helped a bit). A suplex gives JBL two and he chokes Cena on the ropes for a bit. Back up and Cena is fine with getting into a slugout but JBL catches him with a Ron Simmons style spinebuster. A neckbreaker and some clotheslines stay on Cena’s neck, followed by a sleeper to do something similar enough.

Cena slips out and it’s a double clothesline to keep up the slow pace. JBL sends him outside for another neckbreaker before going up top for some reason. That earns him a slam out of the air but Cena can’t follow up. Cena starts his comeback but the fans aren’t quite thrilled. The Shuffle gets some energy flowing and after ducking the Clothesline From JBL, the FU gives Cena his first World Title out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Very bleh match here as there was no drama and the match just ended out of nowhere with Cena shrugging off the first ten minutes and winning with very little drama. I know the match itself doesn’t matter that much but Cena wasn’t ready to carry something like this and JBL was never capable of carrying something like this, leaving us with a very underwhelming match.

That’s also the end of JBL’s long title reign and really, it was a lot better than I remember. JBL can talk very well and while his matches weren’t great, it didn’t come close to dragging as a lot of people (myself included) remember. Maybe it was knowing when it was going to end but I didn’t mind this nearly as much as I expected to. JBL winning the title in the first place was a big stretch but he held it a lot better than I would have guessed.

Hall of Fame video. Hogan and Piper were long overdue. Heenan on Iron Sheik’s speech: “WHAT THE H*** DID HE SAY???”

Gene Okerlund brings out the year’s class:

Nikolai Volkoff (sure why not)

Iron Sheik (just don’t let him talk….or maybe let him talk….it could go either way)

Paul Orndorff (belongs in for 1986 alone and is smart enough to point at Miss Jackie)

Bob Orton (always good for a solid performance and still selling the injury from earlier)

Jimmy Hart (yep, and comes off as one of the nicest guys ever in wrestling)

Roddy Piper (would have headlined almost any other class)

Hulk Hogan (odds are we’re not here without him)

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH has dominated the World Title scene for a long time and has used Evolution to help him hold onto the title. Batista has proven to be unstoppable and then won the Royal Rumble. HHH tried to talk him into going to Smackdown but Batista overheard the evil planning, sending Batista onto a path towards Wrestlemania and the title. This isn’t the hardest result to figure out and the fans are begging to see Batista take the title away from HHH for good.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Batista

HHH is defending and has Ric Flair with him, plus Motorhead plays him to the ring, just in case you thought Batista was cooler. I mean, you can barely understand the words because Lemmy butchers it in a great Brutus Beefcake impression but HHH rising up through the stage makes up for it a bit. Batista doesn’t get much of a pop, mainly due to the lack of the famous band performing his music.

The early power lockup lets them drive each other to the ropes but it’s only good for a standoff. They do it again with HHH’s running shoulder having no effect other than waking HHH up a bit. Another shoulder drops Batista but he’s right back up with something close to a powerslam. Batista hits a backdrop, only to have HHH knock him outside to cut the momentum off again.

Flair’s distraction lets HHH send Batista into the steps and Flair gets in some choking with the jacket. Back in and HHH gets two off a suplex, setting up more Flair choking. Whatever emotion the fans had for Batista after that HHH entrance is long gone now as HHH has beaten him down for about seven of the eight minutes the match has been going so far. Batista slugs away but walks into the spinebuster, because of course HHH needs to hit a spinebuster as he dominates Batista in the biggest match of Batista’s career.

A backdrop breaks up the Pedigree attempt but HHH is RIGHT BACK with the facebuster, leaving him on defense for all of three seconds. HHH goes up and gets clotheslined out of the air to no reaction as the fans are gone. They’re smart enough to realize that HHH is going to cut Batista off again and, as expected, Batista charges into a big boot in the corner just a few seconds later. Batista sends HHH over the corner, only to have HHH whip him into the steps.

The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the post and we’ve got some blood. Back in and it’s time to hammer on the cut as the fans finally have something to cheer about. The big running clothesline in the corner rocks HHH and a powerslam gets two as there isn’t quite the energy in the offense that you would expect. It feels like they’re just doing stuff to fill time until the ending instead of of building something up.

Batista sends him outside but goes after Flair, allowing HHH to grab the chair, which hits the referee by mistake. Flair’s belt shot is countered with a spinebuster but HHH’s belt shot gets two. The fans react to the kickout and Batista hits the spinebuster for the big reaction. That’s too much cheering for HHH’s liking so he hits Batista low. Batista blocks the Pedigree with raw power though and hits something like White Noise. The Batista Bomb finally makes Batista champion.

Rating: C. It was miles better than Cena vs. JBL but egads this didn’t do Batista any favors. This was more about giving HHH a big sendoff as champion than making Batista look like a star and….I can’t say I’m surprised. Batista has looked so dominant and smart for the last six weeks that HHH probably couldn’t help himself from cutting him off. HHH did put him over, but it could have been a lot stronger without HHH beating him up and outsmarting him for the first half of the match. Much like the previous match though, it’s all about what comes next rather than what happened here, but HHH made sure to make himself look good.

The big celebration and highlight package wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B. Much like last year, this really needed forty five minutes to an hour trimmed off (and again it’s easy to see what should be gone) to make it great. As it is it’s quite good but there are a lot of times where it felt like it was dragging. The two World Title matches were outclassed by Money in the Bank and Shawn vs. Angle (not exactly shocking on either front) but they got the endings right and aside from the sumo match and Piper’s Pit (which wasn’t that long), only the very short women’s match is bad (and that has various other positives).

What we got here was a strong Wrestlemania, but it needed some time trimmed off to really make it great. That being said, this is still far better than the five hour monstrosities we get now. It’s a completely watchable, at times great and very important show though, meaning it feels like Wrestlemania. The streak of good Wrestlemanias continues, though the show getting longer isn’t the most encouraging sign. Check out the ladder match and Shawn vs. Angle if you have the time though as they’re worth a second look (or nineteenth look in some cases).

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Terry Funk Mixtape
Date: 2025
Commentators: Jim Ross, Gordon Solie, Lance Russell, Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes, Verne Gagne, Jim Cornette, Bob Caudle, Terry Funk, Joey Styles, Steve Austin, Bobby Heenan

So this is something that the WWE Vault did last year with Randy Savage and now we’re seeing another version of the same thing with another incredibly talented star. Terry Funk is one of the most well rounded stars in wrestling history and it should be interesting to look back over his career. Let’s get to it.

We open with Terry Funk talking about having a dream where he was on the front porch of the Double Cross Ranch. He was sitting on a swing with his dad when a black limousine came up. A beautiful woman came and said she had run over an ugly animal with big teeth and ears and it smelled bad. Funk’s dad thought it was a jackass but the woman said it smelled like hairspray and cheap cologne. Terry knew that it wasn’t a jackass, but rather Ric Flair! The reality is Flair needs to give up the World Title or Terry will hurt him again.

We get a quick look at Terry dealing with a horse with some intestinal issues.

From Clash Of The Champions IX.

Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk

Flair’s NWA World Title isn’t on the line but he’s giving is up if he loses. Funk, with Gary Hart, is out for more pain after injuring Flair’s neck and possibly ending his career. Before the bell, Funk gives Flair a chance to give up in advance but the bell rings anyway. Flair wastes no time in chopping him out to the floor, with Solie thinking Funk is close to being irrational. How could you tell the difference?

Back in and Flair chops away even more and it’s time to head outside again. Funk gets back in and they trade chokes until Funk can stomp away on the apron. Flair’s chops don’t have much effect as he’s tossed outside, with JR being right there to remind us of the rules every few seconds. Funk hammers away in the aisle and hits him with the microphone before going back inside.

More left hands in the corner let Funk ask Flair if he wants to quit for the first time (“YOU PIG! YOU EGG SUCKING DOG! SAY IT! I SAID SAY IT!”) but Flair isn’t done yet. An atomic drop gets Flair out of trouble but Funk is back with a swinging neckbreaker. Ever the crazy man, Funk slaps him in the face so Flair grabs him by the throat and hits some chops to the floor. Flair chops the fire out of him and takes it back inside but Funk still won’t say it.

A Hart distraction lets Funk get in a cheap shot and there’s another swinging neckbreaker to put Flair down again. Funk asks if Flair wants to quit before he hurts him again but the threat of a piledriver isn’t enough to make him give up. The piledriver still isn’t enough so Funk piledrives him on the floor for a bonus. Flair still won’t quit but Funk takes too long setting up a table.

Flair uses the breather to send him head first into the bottom of the table a few times before going back inside to drop the knee. It’s time to start going after the leg before Flair hits/chops away, with Funk naturally doing the outstanding selling that only he could do. Funk tries to bail up the aisle so Flair chases him down and jumps on his back, setting up a shinbreaker.

A suplex brings Funk back inside but he goes to the eyes to block the Figure Four. Flair suplexes him over the top and onto the apron (that was a bigger deal back then), with the leg getting rammed into the apron again. NOW the Figure Four can go on and Funk says he’ll never give up. Then he quits to retain Flair’s title at 18:48.

Rating: A-. Yeah it’s still great as this felt like it was all about the hatred between two guys who wanted to destroy each other. Flair proved that he was the better man in the end and that Funk couldn’t back up his words, which fits both of them rather well. They beat the living fire out of each other and I love that they kept it more simple with the weapons, as a modern version would have been insane. Great match here though, as it was all about the two of them telling a story as only they could.

Post match Funk shakes Flair’s hand, much to Hart’s annoyance.

We see Funk dealing with the horse again. I think this is our official transition shot. Eh it kind of fits.

From Shotgun Saturday Night, January 18, 1997.

Terry Funk is brought in as a surprise for the crowd, but Steve Austin (on commentary) isn’t happy. Funk: “This is my state (Austin: “Wrong.”). This is my town (Austin: “Wrong.”). I’m in the heart of Texas (Austin: “Wrong.”).” Funk talks about how great he is, saying he’s tougher than a rattlesnake and wants to know what number he’s going to be in the Royal Rumble. He wants to be out there at the beginning because George Bush has designated him as the official Texas representative.

Funk wants to start the Rumble RIGHT NOW with Todd Pettingill but then demands better competition. He says there is no one in the WWF or in the WCW to come after him and wants to know where that “Yankee bas****” Vince McMahon is. Funk sees Austin and goes over the barricade to get to him, even offering to lay on the ground for him. Funk walks back to the ring but Austin follows him and gets inside too. They go face to face and Funk slaps him in the face, which is enough for the fight to be on. Funk is knocked out to the floor and the fans go NUTS.

This was totally unhinged Funk and they edited out some of the comments, including Funk calling Pettingill’s mother a who** and JR an “Okie a******”. Bruce Pritchard has claimed that this got the show thrown off some of its networks and it likely led to it being heavily toned down. Either way, it was absolutely awesome to see Funk losing his mind like this and you know Austin was having a great time with the whole thing.

From later in the show, Funk comes after Austin after a match and a huge brawl breaks out with about ten people getting in the ring while Funk and Austin brawl into the crowd. Funk is sent into a beer tub. More awesome stuff.

From Memphis, Tennessee, April 6, 1981.

Jerry Lawler vs. Terry Funk

Here’s another legendary one as it’s the Empty Arena match at the Mid-South Coliseum. Funk arrives before Lawler and asks broadcaster Lance Russell where Lawler is. Russell also tells Funk to watch his language, which is your weekly definition of a lost cause. Funk demands to know where Lawler is and starts to count him out, getting to ten (rather fast) before going on another rant about how he’s stuck standing around like a fool. He came all the way from Amarillo, Texas and thinks he could have a practice fight with Russell.

Lawler (yes with the crown and cape) finally arrives and Funk is STILL going on about how much he hates Lawler and can’t believe Lawler actually showed up. Funk assures him that there is no Jimmy Hart and no one in the stands to help him so Lawler slowly gets inside as Funk keeps talking, this time offering Lawler one more chance to leave. Funk: “Don’t worry. I don’t need to talk. I’m not the one running my mouth.”

They kind of lock up and fight against the ropes until Funk bails out to the floor. He gets back in and they brawl some more with Funk going outside again. This time Lawler throws him into some empty chairs, which Funk throws back for a miss. Then Funk is thrown over more chairs, because there are a lot of them to use here. Funk starts wandering through the chairs and tells Lawler to leave him alone before grabbing one of the section signs.

Lawler is smart enough to get back in the ring, only for Funk to hit him in the head anyway. Well that didn’t work. They go outside again and Funk hits a piledriver, demanding that Funk say he quits. Lawler is sent into the chairs this time before finding a spike. Rather than stab him, Funk sends him into the timekeeper’s table over and over, with Funk’s high pitched voice being almost creepy as he keeps screaming at Lawler.

They get back inside where Funk tries to stab Lawler’s eye with the spike. Lawler fights out and hits an elbow to the face, allowing him to kick the spike into Funk’s eye. Funk: “MY EYE! MY EYE! DOCTOR HELP ME!” Lawler leaves and we’ll say that’s it at about 5:20 (if you start the clock when they first make contact).

Rating: B. I have no idea what to call this as it’s a totally different kind of fight, which left Lawler as the better man because, as usual, Funk can’t back up what he says. That’s what makes him a great villain and makes Lawler feel like that much more of a hero. That being said, Funk was INCREDIBLE here, with that rant before the match being outstanding and making me wonder what in the world he was going to say next. He never stopped talking throughout the match and it made things that much better.

Post match Lawler leaves and Funk keeps going on about how he needs help but calls Lawler yellow. Funk: “YOU YELLOW PIG! PIG!”

From an ECW banquet, with Funk receiving a lifetime achievement award. It’s just Funk receiving his plaque but I’ve seen the whole thing (which goes on for around an hour) and it’s rather awesome, with all kinds of people paying tribute to Funk and making inside jokes.

From ECW Crossing The Line Again, February 1, 1997.

Terry Funk vs. Tommy Rich

Rich bails into the crowd to start and naturally Funk follows him because this is ECW and they like to fight. Somehow Rich is busted open less than thirty seconds in and they go back inside, where Funk starts throwing the left hands. They go right back to the floor where Rich misses a running knee into the barricade. Funk chairs the knee down and they head inside, where Funk sits down in a chair and punches him again.

Rich slugs away for a change and knocks Funk outside, where of course he goes into a table. A posting lets Rich send him over the barricade before going back inside. Funk’s leg is tied up in the ropes for a bit before Rich hits some clotheslines, allowing Funk to stagger around a bit. Funk is busted open so Rich drops an elbow for one. The DDT gives Rich two and another DDT gives Rich another two.

Ever the nice guy, Rich DDTs the referee twice in a row, leaving Funk to roll outside. Rich hammers on the knee with a chair and then does it again inside (he likes repeating things). Funk slugs away and they trade headbutts to leave both of them down. Rich grabs the spinning toehold but Funk breaks it up, knees him low, and puts on the spinning toehold for the win at 10:46.

Rating: B-. I’m not a big ECW guy but this was a violent, bloody brawl which made me want to see Funk fight back and win. Putting Funk in there with another legend made sense and I had a good time watching Funk beat on him, even with Rich being rather basic in his offense. It was nice to see something a bit less famous than the usual stuff from Funk, which is the point of something like this.

Post match Funk kicks him low again, because he’s Terry Funk.

Funk is with Jimmy Hart and explains the concept of taking care of a horse. You have to wash him, keep him well fed, and then walk him down after a ride. Hart doesn’t seem to get it.

We get another interview with Funk talking about how he sold his ranch for a chance to but Madison Square Garden and turn it into a parking lot.

From New York City, New York, July 13, 1985.

Terry Funk vs. Lanny Poffo

For some reason commentary takes awhile to start on this one, as I had a thing written up about how it wasn’t there for some reason. Funk backs him up against the ropes to start but the threat of a right hand has Funk bailing to the ropes in a pratfall. Some chops work a bit better for Funk, so Poffo sends him into the corner for a big upside down crash. Back up and we get a test of strength before Poffo grabs a wristlock and puts a boot on Funk’s face.

With that broken up, Funk knocks him to the floor and calls him a pig, as only Funk can do. I’m sure others can say the word but no one is going to make it sound that way. Poffo gets back in and knocks him over the top again for another breather on the floor. Funk comes back in this time and slowly fires off the left hands in the corner. A headbutt sends Poffo into the corner but it’s too early for the spinning toehold.

Some more headbutts cut Poffo off but he kicks Funk out to the apron without much trouble. Funk suplexes him over the top and down to the floor, though Poffo half lands on his feet to avoid a bad case of extreme pain. A spinning suplex brings Poffo back inside for two and a neckbreaker gets the same. Poffo grabs a sunset flip for two and the bell rings by mistake, which is always weird to see.

They keep going with Funk being laid across the top rope so Poof lays on his back and kicks him in the ribs for a unique spot. The moonsault gives Poffo two (ignore the lack of impact) and Funk is back up with more left hands. A hurricanrana gives Poffo two more, which is insane for 1985 in the Garden. Funk is right back up with a sleeper and Poffo is actually out at 12:58.

Rating: B. Poffo is someone who was in a rather unlucky spot as he is rather talented but there was only so much that you can do when your brother is Randy Savage. He could do some great things in the ring and looked good against just about anyone, with Funk helping him that much more. As usual, Funk was giving another incredible performance and boosting Poffo up, which was impressive as Poffo was already doing his own thing.

Post match Funk brands Poffo and then wakes him up so he’ll feel even more pain. Very nice, very evil.

Funk was talking to his neighbor and asked about various wrestlers’ arms. They were all bigger than Funk’s, but he has a bigger heart. All those muscles make him hot and he’s so hot that he’s….juicy.

We get a promo from Funk just after winning the NWA World Title, putting us in December 1975. Funk finds out that he’s going to face Jack Brisco in a rematch in Tampa, Florida rather than in Amarillo, Texas. He isn’t pleased, but he’ll face Brisco in Tampa as an offensive champion rather than a defensive champion like Brisco was for so long. Gordon Solie brings up Brisco having Funk pinned during the match but he referee was down. Funk: “I don’t recall that at all.” It’s always bizarre to hear Funk talking like a normal human.

From WCW TV, May 20, 1989.

Terry Funk vs. Eddie Guerrero

You knew this would be on here. Funk yells at the ring announcer for doing the introduction too soon before he’s ready to go. They circle each other to start before Eddie ducks a left hand against the ropes. Eddie rolls away again and Funk is not pleased with the developments. A kick to the head sends Funk outside and the frustration continues. Back in and Eddie moonsaults over him, only to get caught in a giant swing of all things.

Funk chops away but gets caught with a hurricanrana. Eddie gets caught on Funk’s shoulder and is thrown over the top in a pretty big bump. Funk’s clothesline hits the post though and Eddie hits a heck of a dive from the top. Another dive over the top misses and Funk actually hits a dropkick through the ropes. A piledriver on the floor knocks Eddie loopy for the pin at 5:15.

Rating: B. In a bit of a change of pace, Eddie was the one going nuts here as he was trying to get noticed. Believe it or not, it worked well, with Eddie’s jumps and dives looking great and Funk knowing how to sell them. Funk seems to like making younger wrestlers look good and he more than did so here.

Post match Funk goes into the crowd because….sure.

Funk is in the snow with his horse and tells a story of a man going to a bar and asking for a beer. The man was rather rude and called the bartender a jackass, but then asked for a tequila margarita. The man called him a jackass again, then did the same with a bourbon and water. Finally someone else asked why the bartender put up with this. The bartender said “HEE HAW HEE HAW! He always talks to me like this!”

From Uniondale, New York, December 29, 1997.

Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack/Steve Austin/Undertaker vs. Nation Of Domination

Dark match from after Raw and I believe this was on the Unreleased DVD from a few years back. Austin is in his jean shorts here, likely meaning he didn’t wrestle on the show but is getting in the ring anyway, which is a smart way to send the fans home happy. We stall for a good while after the bell until Jack headlocks Brown to start. Charlie comes in for a double clothesline before intentionally taking Brown over to the corner.

Rock reluctantly comes in and is dragged over for the tag to Austin, sending rock scampering out to the floor. Brown comes back in and gets poked in the eye, allowing Austin to take him into the corner. Again Rock refuses the tag, at least until brown gets in a shot to take over. Austin is right back up to win a slugout and Rock bails to the floor again, only to get decked by Jack.

Faarooq comes in and hammers Jack down but Mustafa misses a charge in the corner. Brown is back in to cut Jack off, only to miss an elbow. Jack manages to get in something of a low blow on Faarooq and the hot tag brings in Undertaker to clean house. Everything breaks down and Austin Stuns Rock for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: C+. Sweet goodness what a lineup here. What does it say about a match when D’Lo Brown and the future Godfather are by far the weakest names in the ring? It’s a total all star match and the action itself doesn’t matter. It was cool just seeing these legends get in there together and then Austin wins the thing to send the fans home happy. Good, easy match here and that’s all it needed to be.

We go to Thunder in 2000 where Funk and Chris Candido fight into a horse stall, where Funk hits a piledriver and the horse literally kicks Candido out. That could have gone FAR worse.

Funk talks about the infamous “throw me a chair” incident in ECW, continuing the trend of “that could have gone FAR worse”.

From Wrestlepalooza 1997 (what a great name).

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido

Funk is defending and Candido, in similar tights (like he had in WCW, which would NEVER copy ECW), goes to the mat for a technical off to start. A headlock and shoulder block go a bit better for Funk and he sends Candido outside for a breather. Back in and Candido fires off the chops against the ropes, meaning it’s Funk going outside for a breather this time.

They both go outside for a change but this time Candido wants to take it back inside. Naturally he then sends Funk outside again and they brawl into the crowd. Candido gets in a shot off the barricade as they come back to ringside, where Funk is piledriven onto an open chair. Another piledriver through a table doesn’t quite work as the table breaks on the way up.

Back in and three straight piledrivers get two on Funk, with the fans barely reacting. Three straight neckbreakers give Candido two more and another onto a bridge made of chairs finally wakes the fans up. Funk comes back with a neckbreaker of his own but Candido cuts him off with a hurricanrana. Candido slaps him in the face for not staying down and is promptly crucifixed for the pin to retain at 12:54.

Rating: B-. I wasn’t feeling this one as much but it told a story of Funk continuing until Candido made a mistake by getting too angry, allowing Funk to catch him. It got a bit ridiculous with the piledrivers, but logic never had the biggest place in ECW. Not a bad match, but it actually told a story which is always appreciated.

Funk and Jimmy Hart are around a fire at the Double Cross Ranch and Hart thinks there are werewolves.

We go to Florida, Funk shows us a big wooden guy, which is called a Dusty. You have a 150lb frame, with 50lbs of obesity, 50lbs of hot air and 50lbs of extra fat. Funk then whips out a chainsaw and cuts off the limbs, as Funk is not the most well man. When you cut everything away from the Dusty and breed the remains with a barmaid, you get a Dustin, which is a creature that can’t say NO. This was Funk being totally insane and as usual it was great.

We get some clips of Funk vs. Dusty Rhodes, with Dusty breaking Funk’s arm with an armbar for the win. Dory Funk Jr. has to run in for the save and the fans aren’t happy, because Dusty was the king in Florida. Naturally the Funks break Dusty’s arm and are probably about to be massacred.

Funk explains the idea of hardcore, which is being physical rather than using a bunch of weapons. Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker are hardcore.

From Puerto Rico, possibly from July 2, 1988.

Terry Funk vs. TNT

We’re in a baseball stadium here for a really unique look and TNT is better known as Savio Vega. Commentary mentions that this is part of a tournament of some kind, which could be anything really. Funk runs away and climbs the scaffold before the bell before diving underneath the ring, where the bell rings. The fight goes into the crowd and Funk gets the better of things before taking it back to the ring. Funk hammers away but gets kicked back, allowing TNT to post him. For some reason TNT covers him on the ground, which of course doesn’t count.

TNT rams him into the scaffolding and they go back inside, where Funk grabs a sleeper. That’s broken up and TNT kicks him into the corner for some kicks to the ribs. Funk gets tied in the ropes, which commentary says is “reminiscent of Ali vs. Foreman.” What kind of weird Ali vs. Foreman match did they see? Funk throws in a table and they fight over it, with the referee getting taken out for the double DQ at 5:50.

Rating: C. Barely a match here as it was instead more of a wild brawl. They beat each other up until the ending which seemed to be designed to avoid either of them taking a loss. The stadium did make things feel that much different and it was fun to see these guys doing something so unique. Not a great match, but it was entertaining while it lasted.

Post match the fight continues and they climb the scaffolding.

We get an outtake of Dean Ambrose looking very confused as Funk tells him what to do to a chicken with a chainsaw.

From the AWA, March 10, 1985.

Terry Funk/Steve Regal/Nick Bockwinkel vs. Curt Hennig/High Fliers

Bockwinkel backs Gagne against the ropes to start and that goes nowhere. Gagne is right back with a hiptoss into a dropkick and Bockwinkel rolls outside for a breather. Funk comes in for some left hands before it’s off to Regal, who is quickly backdropped by Hennig. Brunzell comes in to clean house and it’s back to Funk to slug away.

They fight over a suplex until Brunzell takes him down as we suddenly have two minutes left. Bockwinkel comes in and avoids a dropkick, setting up the sleeper. Gagne finally reverses and grabs one of his own as everything breaks down. Bockwinkel and Gagne collide for a double down and it’s another big brawl as time expires at 6:40 (must be a TV time thing).

Rating: C. Not much to see here, but that was often the case for a lot of AWA stuff. There were talented wrestlers in there but they only had a little under seven minutes with six people. Funk didn’t really get to do much here and it felt more like a way to get something from the AWA on the set.

We go back to the ECW banquet where Funk gives a Terry Roosevelt quote, despite Roosevelt never taking a bump in his life. The quote is about someone doing something daring and knowing neither victory nor defeat. He talks about how wrestlers have compassion and has his family stand to give the ECW roster and fans a standing ovation. Well that was awesome.

Funk and Jimmy Hart are on the Double Cross Ranch and Funk loves to come here and imagine beating up people like Hulk Hogan, Tito Santana and the Junkyard Dog. For some reason Hart asks if they have buffalo out here and Funk says they don’t. Then everyone stops and the crew cracks up, with Hart saying he doesn’t know why he asked that.

From Shotgun Saturday Night, June 16, 1998.

Dustin Runnels/Terry Funk/Bradshaw vs. Jerry Lawler/Too Much

Too Much is the evil version of Too Cool. Runnels (Rhodes) and Taylor start things off with Runnels shouldering him down. Taylor gets thrown down for a faceplant before Bradshaw comes in for a big boot. Commentary ignores most of the match to talk about tomorrow’s Steve Austin vs. Kane match at King Of The Ring as Bradshaw gives Taylor a belly to back superplex.

Christopher comes in for a shoulder in the corner but stops to dance, allowing Funk to come in for quite the reaction. Funk wants Lawler though and we get a reunion of a feud that would be way more over in Tennessee. Naturally Cornette is right there to give us a quick recap of Funk vs. Lawler as the latter hits a piledriver. Funk is right back up (we’re definitely not in Tennessee) with a backdrop to send Lawler outside for some rams into the announcers’ table.

Back in and Lawler looks mostly done so Christopher comes in and gets DDTed. Funk piledrives Lawler right back so it’s off to Runnels vs. Taylor, with Christopher getting in a trip from the floor. Too Much hits a Hart Attack as commentary thinks Mankind might be a bit violent inside the Cell tomorrow against the Undertaker. Christopher’s bulldog is broken up and Runnels rolls over for the tag to Bradshaw (with Funk literally falling over the top rope to try for the tag). The powerbomb hits Christopher for two and everything breaks down. The Texans hit stereo backdrops and the Clothesline From Bradshaw finishes Christopher at 8:53.

Rating: B-. For a match that was designed to be Texas vs. Tennessee, this wound up being a surprisingly good match. It was nice to see the Funk vs. Lawler stuff and they let Cornette go with his history lesson. Good match here and I never would have guessed that was coming given the lineup.

Funk talks about great promos coming from someone’s heart and soul rather than having them written by someone else.

We get a promo from Funk as NWA World Champion and talking about what it means for him to be the champion. He introduces the new president of the NWA, Eddie Graham. Funk thinks the two of them can work together to pick the best opponents, who can make sure that Funk remains the champion for a long time. Hold on though as Graham says Funk will have to take the opponents as they come. Funk is a bit taken aback but Graham says that’s how it is.

From 50 Years Of Funk, September 11, 1997.

Bret Hart vs. Terry Funk

Hart’s WWF Title isn’t on the line, there are no DQ’s and Dennis Stamp has been booked to be the guest referee. Before the match, Funk’s family and some ECW wrestlers get in the ring for a special presentation to Funk. Paul Heyman talks about how ECW got where it is today because of Funk.

Back in 1993, ECW was started with the help of the Funk Brothers and Terry helped make it what it is today. Heyman presents Terry with a special title, naming him ECW World Champion for life. Everyone else leaves and Hart gets the mic and, after being booed out of the building (remember that he’s a huge heel in the WWF at this point), says it’s an honor to work with the best wrestler in history.

Hart talks about getting to be in Amarillo when he was younger and he saw the best wrestling he’s ever seen in this town. He shakes Funk’s hand and praises his career and promises a Canadian a** whipping. They start slowly with Hart taking an early breather before getting caught in a headlock.

That goes on for a bit until Hart gets up, only to be fireman’s carried back into the headlock. Hart has to fight out of the spinning toehold and starts kicking at the knee. Some choking lets Hart knock him out to the apron before it’s time to go back to the leg. The leg is wrapped around the knee and Hart cranks on it on the mat as they clearly have a lot of time here. Hart knocks him outside again and chairs the knee before throwing it back inside for the Figure Four.

Naturally Funk swears at Hart a lot before making it to the ropes, which shouldn’t force a break in a No DQ match. Funk grabs the Hart Family at ringside and the hold is finally broken. Hart unloads with right hands but Funk isn’t about to lose a slugout, so he punches Hart back down. A neckbreaker and DDT give Funk two and a piledriver gets the same as we get the fifteen minute call.

Funk takes it to the floor and sends Hart hard into a chair. Hart fights back again and gets the Figure Four around the post before cranking on the leg back inside. Some chair shots to the knee have Funk in more trouble but he gets in a shot of his own. Funk chairs Hart in the knee (Hart’s selling is great) to send him outside onto a table, only for Funk to miss a Vader Bomb.

The Hart Brothers argue with Stamp (who has been a total non-factor thus far) as the ring announcer asks the fans standing in the front row to sit down. Hart drops a headbutt between the legs but Funk gets a small package with a kind of all over the place count from Stamp. The spinning toehold goes on but Hart escapes and hits a clothesline. Back up and they collide to give Funk a rather delayed two as things slow back down. Funk grabs a belly to back suplex but Hart gets the shoulder up and pins him at 25:23.

Rating: B-. This was really just more long than good, with both of them doing their thing but never getting that into the next level. For some reason it just kind of kept going without much of a reason to believe that Funk was going to win. That wasn’t really the point of the match, but it just never really clicked for some reason. Not a bad match at all, but definitely not great. The point here was to have Funk’s last match in Amarillo (this was not Funk’s last match in Amarillo), though it would have been nice to have it be a bit better.

Post match we get something of a discussion over whether or not Funk’s shoulders were down before respect is shown. Funk says he has no complaints about the match tonight or the Funk Family’s trip here. And that’s that.

Funk is back on his ranch and is looking for Eddie Gilbert, who is supposed to meet him out here. Gilbert needs to learn the rules of a Texas chain match but Funk can’t find him anywhere. Then he sees the back of the horse (named Clyde) and realizes he’s found Gilbert (with a graphic saying “Eddie Gilbert” to really make the joke that much better).

From NWA Power Hour, August 4, 1989.

Sting/Steve Williams vs. Terry Funk/Terry Gordy

Gary Hart is with the Terry’s. The bell rings a few times and it’s Sting starting with Funk. Sting wastes no time in knocking him outside, meaning it’s already time to hit the stall button. Back in and Sting knocks him to the floor again, where a fan gets up and slaps his stomach before bending over in front of the Terry’s. JR: “Someone needs to get that guy back on his medicine.”

Gordy comes in and tries to throw Sting outside for a double teaming but Sting is way too smart (work with me here) and gets back inside. The fans chant something a bit sweary at Funk so of course he jumps the barricade before going back to ringside. Sting hits a crossbody for two on Gordy but gets sent into the buckle to cut that off. Williams comes in for a three point shoulder on Gordy, which connects in a miracle of violence. Back up and Williams is thrown outside for a change, with Funk sending him over and then into the barricade.

A piledriver gets two on Williams as the fans are still all over Funk. One heck of a clothesline gives Gordy two and the Terry’s hammer away, with Funk wanting to work on the neck. Then he tries the spinning toehold but gets small packaged, followed by a double clothesline. Williams gets over to Sting for the tag and a piledriver plants Funk. Sting gets caught in the corner for a hard clothesline but everything breaks down. Hart is brought in and that’s enough for the villains to get disqualified at 11:23.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but wound up being a good tag match. As usual, Funk got to steal the show by driving the fans into a frenzy and then playing off of them. It worked well and you could see Sting’s star power coming out. It was kind of a weird set of pairings, but it wound up being fun.

Post match the big brawl is on and Funk hits Sting with a branding iron. Williams takes it away though and clears the ring without much trouble.

Back to the ranch and Funk is accidentally put in some stocks. He calls this his own ways of training, just like Hulk Hogan has. Hogan is everywhere but Funk is middle aged and crazy. He promises to ruin Hogan’s life one way or another because he wants the WWF Title.

Funk looks at a photo of himself and Mick Foley and talks about how great Foley really is.

From Monday Night Raw, May 4, 1998.

Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk

Anything goes, falls count anywhere and Steve Austin is on commentary. At the time, this was the first match that Foley had ever wrestled in the WWF under his own name. He has no music or gimmick here, as he’s in between Faces Of Foley at the moment. There’s no referee so here is Pat Patterson (Vince’s stooge, as this is part of Foley trying to get back in Vince’s good graces) to be the referee (Austin isn’t happy). Funk slugs away to start and knocks him outside, where Foley rakes the back.

Some NASTY chair shots to the head rock Foley to bust him open but he fights back. Austin’s headset breaks so he steals Lawler’s, which breaks as well, sending Austin into a great rant about how mad this stuff makes him. Then he punches Lawler to blow off some steam, which has JR begging off and pleading innocence. Austin: “Jiminy H. Cricket on a popsickle stick somebody help me out here.”

Funk chairs Foley and sends him into the steps as this is getting a lot more violent in a hurry. Foley cuts off a charge with a raised bo…, uh, shoe but Funk backdrops him onto the exposed concrete. Funk throws him through the barricade and they fight into the crowd (Austin: “This is quality entertainment!”). They fight to the concession stand and JR LOSES IT as the hot dog guy is knocked down.

Since it’s Funk, he climbs into a balcony and moonsaults back onto Foley and some referees to put everyone down. Back up and Foley piledrives him through a table and they crawl underneath the bleachers as we take a break. We come back with a clip of Foley beating Funk up during the break and Patterson possibly counting slow.

They go back into the arena, where Foley hits a piledriver onto the ramp for two. Funk is thrown onto the announcers’ table (Austin doesn’t like someone getting that close to his beer or his belt) for the chair elbow off the apron. Foley goes after Austin though and staring ensues but he takes Funk back inside instead. A double arm DDT and piledriver plant Funk and another piledriver onto the chair finishes Funk at 16:31.

Rating: B+. This was a brutal fight and showed what hardcore could be like in the WWF. It was interesting to see Foley by himself for a change as part of the bigger story and dang did they beat each other up. They were playing up the personal connection as well and that made things that much better. Awesome fight and one of the best violence based matches ever on Raw.

Post match Funk is upset that his best friend beat him up that badly.

We go to St. Louis during Dory Funk Jr.’s NWA World Title reign (putting this in the late 60s/early 70s) where Dory Funk Sr. takes us to an empty arena where his sons are training. Sr. says that he’s taught his kids 95% of what he knows but he always holds something back just in case he needs to do something. They trade some takedowns and everything goes fine, at least to start. This goes on for a long time with Dory Jr. getting the better of things. Terry gets a bit more serious and tries to slam his dad before calming down.

From NWA Pro, July 29, 1989.

Terry Funk vs. Scott Hall

From Amarillo so Funk is crazy over. Funk starts fast and knocks him outside, earning quite the cheers. Back in and Hall chops the heck out of him before a running clothesline sends Funk outside. Funk pulls the ring mats back and tries the piledriver, which is quickly cut off by the referee. They get back inside for a collision before Hall hits a running clothesline into a bulldog out of the corner. Another bulldog gets two on Funk but he blocks another attempt on the floor, sending Hall onto the exposed concrete. Back in and the piledriver finishes Hall at 4:17.

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much a great match as much as “here’s Funk against someone who would become a legend one day”. That’s the kind of rare match that makes sense for this compilation, as it felt more like someone went through the archives and found fun stuff. Hall’s hair and mustache alone are worth a look.

Funk praises Tommy Dreamer for trying so hard. Dreamer reminds Funk of Dory Funk Sr., who wanted to be the World Champion. Then Dory had a major heart attack and died on his way to the hospital. Now Terry wants to win the World Title from Raven for his dad’s memory. Can’t get much better than that.

From Barely Legal.

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Raven

Funk is challenging after winning a three way dance just before. Raven hammers away as Tommy Dreamer, on commentary, talks about how Funk isn’t going out like this. The fans want Dreamer to come in and take Funk’s place (which I always thought would be a great way to end the show) but Raven beats on Funk even more. The doctor still can’t get in there to break it up as Raven suplexes a table onto Funk. Raven puts him on a table and hits a big running dive, which is enough for Raven to call out the Nest.

They beat on Funk a bit more and Raven grabs the mic, promising to end Funk at Dreamer’s feet. Dreamer tells him to bring it so here is Big Dick Dudley to jump Dreamer from behind. Raven DDTs the referee just because, but Dreamer fights up and chokeslams Dudley out of the Eagle’s Nest through three tables (ok so Dudley clearly jumped by it was a huge bump). Now Dreamer comes to the ring to DDT Raven for two, leaving Funk to get a small package for the pin and the title at 7:12.

Rating: C-. As tends to be the case with ECW, the match wasn’t so much the point, but rather the moment of Funk getting the big win to close out the show. It’s the definition of a feel good moment after a nothing match, as Funk barely had any offense for the whole thing. Funk winning the title at the same age his father died makes it even better.

Funk gets to celebrate in the crowd with Dreamer to end the show (with the feed going out ten seconds after they went off the air because the ECW Arena couldn’t handle that kind of power needs).

Some cowboys come up on Funk and Jimmy Hart at the ranch, accusing them of being cow thieves. Funk beats two of them up (Hart: “Beautiful!”) and the third rides away, with Funk calling him a SQUEALER!

From Slamboree 1994.

Terry Funk vs. Tully Blanchard

It’s the Legends match from the show. Funk goes out into the crowd and since this show is in Philadelphia, of course he’s crazy over. Blanchard gets tired of waiting and goes to the floor to start the brawl. They get back inside where Blanchard hits a middle rope knee but the referee has to get rid of some crutches. An atomic drop plants Blanchard and a neckbreaker does it again back inside. The fight goes back to the ramp, with a big chop sending Blanchard off to the floor.

Funk finds a piece of wood and piledrives Blanchard through it (ignore the camera showing that Blanchard’s head doesn’t come within a foot of the board and Funk broke it entirely) as Heenan compares the Funk brothers’ demeanors. The fans want blood as Funk hits a regular piledriver, only to miss the moonsault. Back up and Funk whips him into the referee so it’s time for a chair. Funk loads up another chair and tries a middle rope piledriver but it kind of falls apart. Blanchard shoves the referee as Funk has the branding iron so the whole thing is thrown out at 7:15.

Rating: C+. They were protecting both guys here rather well but it wound up being a good enough fight all things considering. Blanchard on his own is always kind of weird but at least it isn’t a match that feels like it has been done over and over. The piledriver with the board was lame, though understandable as it was more on the camera than anything else.

Post match Funk grabs Hat Guy’s hat and drops an elbow on it before taking a bite.

We wrap it up with Funk’s Hall Of Fame induction, with Funk thanking his family. His grandkids want to be wrestlers but they have to get an education first, because there is no room for dummies in WWE (….uh….). Funk thanks his friends, peers, ECW and the other wrestlers.

We get the Theodore Roosevelt quote from the ECW banquet before he says the bell rings no more. He feels 105 and he’s ready to go to Heaven where there’s an eternal battle royal and every seat is front row. Funk says this is the last time you’ll see himself and his brother and dances a bit. Naturally, he would wrestle for another eight years after this.

Overall Rating: B+. The idea here was a huge tribute to Funk and that worked like a charm. The biggest thing I can take away from this is just how incredible of a talent Funk really was, as he can make anything work well. He’s a human cartoon character with his bumps and the swearing makes it even better. Looking back at the outstanding mixture of matches of different genres was outstanding and you could see how interested he was in helping younger stars get over. This was all kinds of fun and I’m hoping we see a lot more of these mixtapes in the future, as they’re an outstanding way to showcase legends’ talents.

 

 

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Summerslam 2005
Date: August 21, 2005
Location: MCI Center, Washington DC.
Attendance: 18,156
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big show here with a card that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. We have a huge main event between Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels, but after that it’s kind of a downgrade with Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero with a kid (symbolically) above the ring. The World Title matches see John Cena defending against Chris Jericho and JBL challenging Batista in a No Holds Barred match. Maybe they can make it work though so let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video looks at the big matches, which works a bit better. Granted that might be because it’s set to Remedy by Seether and I always liked that song. Shawn vs. Hogan gets its own section of the video, because nothing on this show comes close to it (fair enough).

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is defending and it’s a German suplex into the Crossface to make Benoit champion in 25 seconds. Now THAT is how you wake a crowd up while giving Jordan exactly what he deserved in Honky Tonk Man style.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Eddie and asks him to calm down. This isn’t about Dominic because it’s all about Eddie not being able to beat Rey. Eddie wants someone to carry on the Guerrero legacy and Vickie talks about him having a heart of gold. But there’s also an evil inside of him that won’t leave Rey alone. Eddie: “So now you don’t think I can beat Rey?” Eddie throws her out and reassures himself that he’ll win.

We recap Matt Hardy vs. Edge. Lita left Matt for Edge while Matt was hurt and then he was released. Matt invaded Raw a few times to get at Edge but then he was rehired and it was just Matt Hardy again. Tonight is the big fight.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

Hardy runs to the ring and starts the fight on the floor as it feels like Matt wants to kill him. They get inside with Matt hammering away and a loud HARDY chant. Matt grabs a rear naked choke but Edge gets to the ropes and then back outside. Back in and Edge hits a headbutt to put Matt on the ropes as the fans are all over Lita.

A spear through the ropes puts them back on the floor but Matt hammers away with right hands to the head. More right hands in the corner have Edge in trouble so he drops Matt face first onto the post to knock him silly. Even Lita looks concerned as Matt is busted open. Matt can barely stand so Edge kicks him in the head….and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. So yeah Matt comes back, gets in a few shots, and then gets busted open for a referee stoppage in five minutes. The first minute or so felt like a war but then it was little more than a hard hitting match with one big spot. This is the kind of thing that needed to go about eighteen minutes with both of them bleeding, but that would suggest that Matt was something important, rather than just a way to get Edge over. I can go with that as Matt is Matt and Edge has been a near main eventer for a long time now, but this was a major disappointment after the setup.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Eddie can’t beat Rey and has been driven completely crazy over jealousy and his failures. Therefore, Eddie is going to try something else so he brought up that Rey’s son Dominic was really Eddie’s biological son. Eddie wanted Dominic, but a social worker said they had to settle this, so a ladder match was made instead.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Tony Chimel: “The following contest is a ladder match for the custody of Dominic!” And that’s your most ridiculous ring introduction of all time. Dominic and the social worker are in the front row so Eddie goes over to them for a rather evil smile. Rey comes out and hugs Dominic so Eddie goes over and shakes the social worker’s hand. We’re ready to go and Eddie talks a lot of trash as they stare each other down to start.

Eddie gets in a cheap shot to knock Rey into the corner but Rey monkey flips him out to the floor. A whip sends Rey into the ladder though and he has to springboard in with a dropkick to knock Eddie off. Eddie goes to get another ladder so Rey dropkicks that one into his face, followed by a springboard seated senton to the floor. Back in and Eddie saves Rey’s climb with a sunset bomb but he can’t hold on, making it look rather messy. Eh to be fair that’s a pretty tricky spot.

Eddie hits him in the ribs and face with the ladder before sandwiching Rey between some ladders. The fans know what’s coming and are rather pleased with the slingshot hilo onto a ladder onto Rey onto another ladder. Rey gets up and uses a ladder to bridge his way up top to cut Eddie off, including a backdrop onto the bridged ladder. The crash bangs up Rey’s knee so he climbs rather slowly, allowing Eddie to dropkick the ladder out and hurt the knee even more.

Eddie reverse powerbombs him ribs first into the ladder on the top rope and there’s that evil smile again. That’s enough for another climb but Dominic comes in to shake the ladder. That just annoys Eddie so he yells at Dominic and demands a hug. Eddie: “I’m your new daddy now!” Eddie goes to hit him but Rey makes the save as Dominic is back with the social worker who let him jump the barricade and interfere in a violent match.

Rey sends him into a ladder and then 619s said ladder into Eddie’s face, only to hurt the knee again. The knee is ok enough to Drop The Dime onto a ladder onto Eddie and then load up the ladder again. Eddie climbs up the same side for an electric chair but Rey shows him how to do the sunset bomb for the huge crash. Rey goes up again and grabs the case but Eddie kicks the ladder out and pulls Rey down into a big spinebuster.

With Rey pinned under the ladder, Eddie goes up but stops to talk a lot of trash. He can’t unhook the thing anyway, allowing Rey to wiggle free and kick the ladder over. Apparently Vickie was supposed to run in there and missed the cue, explaining why Eddie couldn’t understand how a hook worked. Eddie is back up with Three Amigos, including the third onto the ladder. That means another climb but this time Vickie comes out for the save as she shoves the ladder over. Vickie pulls Eddie back so Rey can climb p and win.

Rating: B. It’s rather good with some big crashes, but the Vickie/Dominic stuff was too much and brought the match down. Rey vs. Eddie is something you can watch all day, especially if Eddie is all evil, but they could have come up with something better than a ladder match for custody papers. It was too far and became dumb rather than dramatic, which defeats a lot of the purpose.

Post match Vickie is relieved and Rey hits Eddie with a briefcase for a bonus.

Chris Jericho doesn’t like John Cena’s theme music and promises to make him as forgettable as the New Kids On The Block. He beat the Rock and Steve Austin on the same night and Cena isn’t on their level.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

For Eugene’s (Or Angle’s?) Gold Medal with no time limit and Christy Hemme is here with Eugene. Angle goes off on him to start and stomps Eugene down into the corner. Eugene comes back with a Faarooq spinebuster but Angle breaks up the People’s Elbow attempt with a hard clothesline. The fans are very pleased with this as they don’t seem all that into Eugene here.

Angle rolls the German suplexes for two and the fans are happy again. Eugene gets sent into the buckle a few times so the comeback is on, including a Rock Bottom for two. The Stunner gets the same and Eugene takes down the non-existent straps. Angle reverses the ankle lock by rolling him into the corner though and it’s the Angle Slam into the ankle lock for the win.

Rating: D. This could have been on Raw as Eugene was completely overwhelmed. The charm is long past gone now and it’s just Eugene doing Austin and Rock moves with almost nothing in between. It was just a squash anyway as Eugene is treated like the glorified jobber that he is. Angle needs to move on to something else and Eugene needs to become something else entirely.

Post match Angle stands on a chair so he can be awarded the medal again.

The Divas, in swimsuits, wash a limo with the Presidential seal on the door. The window goes down to reveal Vince McMahon. Vince: “Hey, why not?” There’s a McMahon For President bumper sticker on the limo for a bonus.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from Wrestlemania because Orton isn’t happy with his loss. It’s weird to see Undertaker come out first. Orton bails to the floor to start so Undertaker takes a second before shoving him down. A slap gets in Orton’s head a bit but he’s back up to dodge some right hands. Undertaker grabs a headlock (that’s a rare one) but Orton is right back with a hiptoss into a clothesline. That just earns him a big boot to the face and Orton is stunned in a hurry.

Undertaker goes technical with a keylock into Old School but Orton somehow understands what it means when Undertaker stands on the top while holding an arm. Old School is broken up with an armdrag back down but Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner to hammer away. The big boot and jumping clothesline give Undertaker two but the big boot in the corner only hits….well corner really and Orton grabs a DDT for his own two with Undertaker putting a foot across the rope.

Flashing back to his Evolution days, Orton cannonballs down onto the leg and then wraps it around the post. The leglock goes on so Undertaker punches his way to freedom, only to earn a knee drop to the ribs. Undertaker limps into the powerslam for two and it’s time to go to Texas with a spinning toehold.

That’s broken up as well and Undertaker starts kicking at Orton’s knee, earning a one off BORING chant. That doesn’t last long either as Orton is right back to the knee as the slow pace continues. Undertaker kicks him out to the floor for a ram into the steps and the apron legdrop as this isn’t exactly hitting a high gear. Old School connects back inside and it’s the Downward Spiral to Orton, who is right back with a dropkick for the double knockdown.

The RKO is blocked so they fight over a Tombstone until Orton gets two off the backbreaker. Orton goes up but Undertaker rolls through the high crossbody and grabs him by the throat. The chokeslam connects but a “fan” comes in. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. It was a struggle to get this high as there was no sense of urgency or any time until the end where either of them seemed close to going to a finish. At least the Wrestlemania match had an awesome near fall of the RKO but this was a bunch of leg work until they got to the finish. It could have worked if they had gone to a better ending but this never got into a higher gear.

And it’s Cowboy Bob Orton. You can book the rubber match already.

Some members of the Republican National Committee are here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. John Cena. They’ve been having issues since Cena made his Raw debut on the Highlight Reel. Then they got in an argument over who was the bigger rock star, which turned into Cena’s Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff’s Vince McMahon with Jericho and Carlito as the chief lackeys. The former story was better but why do that when you can do the same thing you’ve done so many times before?

Bischoff wishes Jericho’s luck.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is defending. They go nose to nose to start and a lockup doesn’t go anywhere. Jericho’s headlock is just as ineffective but he grabs a suplex to take over. There’s the spinwheel kick to drop Cena again but the springboard crossbody only lands on the floor. Back in and Cena hammers away, only to charge into a dropkick in the corner. A suplex gives Jericho two and a basement dropkick to the headsets up the chinlock.

They go outside with Jericho choking away with a cord but Cena is back with right hands. This isn’t exactly blowing the roof off the place so far. The big flying shoulder misses though and Jericho hits the running bulldog. Jericho has to bail out of the Lionsault so he tries the Walls, which is kicked out to the floor in a hurry. Cena drops the middle rope Fameasser over the ropes for two on the way back in but the FU is countered into a DDT for two. It’s time to start in on the back with a backbreaker and some elbows as the fans are loudly split.

The running crotch attack to the back only hits ropes though and they’re both down again. Cena is back up with that hard clothesline into the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle is countered into the Walls in the middle though, sending Cena on the long crawl to the ropes. Jericho pulls him back in but Cena makes the rope on the second attempt to a rather loud reaction. Cena’s back is good enough to try a super AA but Jericho slips out and grabs another suplex for another two. An argument with the referee lets Cena grab the FU to retain.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but they drew the crowd into it and it turned into a heck of a match by the end. Cena is showing some signs of brilliance in these big matches and Jericho has more than shown that he can hang with anyone so this was a benefit to both of them. Good match here as Cena is becoming a bigger and bigger star every single week.

We recap JBL vs. Batista (hometown boy) for the Smackdown World Title. JBL beat him by DQ last month so now it’s No Holds Barred. Not much more to it than that as JBL isn’t quite the believable challenger.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Batista is defending and it’s No Holds Barred. We get the JBL dollars raining from the ceiling during JBL’s entrance. The fight starts at the entrance with Batista ramming him into various things. A fire extinguisher into the face drops Batista though and JBL punches him around the barricade, only to have Batista spear him through said barricade.

They get inside for the first time with JBL kicking him in the head, followed by some whipping with a belt. Back up and Batista charges into a boot in the corner, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for two. JBL slides in the steps and this isn’t going to end well. The powerbomb off the steps is countered into a backdrop off of them and Batista hits the spinebuster. There’s the Batista Bomb but Batista doesn’t cover. Another Batista Bomb onto the steps retains the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but it was way better than their previous match as it didn’t go on forever, though the stipulation wasn’t exactly used. They went with the definitive ending here as Batista completely beat him, which is all it should have been. JBL was never a threat to Batista and now they can both move on to something else, with both of them going in the proper direction.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan. They teamed a handful of times and then Shawn superkicked him on the Fourth of July. Shawn said he had to know and the match was made. Everything went spiraling out of control after that though, with Shawn turning it into a weird near shoot on Hogan’s career while Hogan just referenced Bret Hart and screwjobs a few times. Shawn has carried this feud on his back and it’s going to be interesting to see how they get to the big boot and legdrop.

Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels

Hogan has the big flag out for the entrance. It’s a long staredown to start before Hogan shoves him away and shows off the biceps. Hogan shoves him down a few more times and Shawn is already frustrated. A headlock works a bit better for Shawn until a shoulder sends him into a backflip through the ropes as the overselling is already strong. Back in and Shawn knees him in the ribs but gets put on top so Hogan can kick him in the ribs.

Shawn bounces as high into the air as he can for a crotching, before a ram into the buckle gives us a bump that Mr. Perfect would think is too much. A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor where he rolls backwards again, gets up and falls back down. Shawn manages a kick to the face though and starts chopping away in the corner. The slap to the face does not go well so Shawn does it again before chopping even more. A third slap earns Shawn a right hand out to the floor but they both get posted with Hogan staggering around a lot.

Shawn posts him again but still can’t put Hogan down so it’s time for some left hands to the head. Some right hands in the corner get Shawn shoved down again (make it twice), only to have him finally punch Hogan down (you don’t see that too often). Hogan is finally busted open and Shawn grabs the sleeper to follow the Randy Savage formula from Wrestlemania V. Shawn’s arm is covered in blood as Hogan suplexes his way to freedom.

The forearm into the nipup lets Shawn drop the elbow (OH YEAH indeed) but this one misses (leave it to Savage kid). Hogan slugs away but Shawn tries another forearm, which takes out the referee. The fans want Bret (fair enough after the promos building this up) but Shawn is up first and heads to the top, only to come back down for a terrible Sharpshooter (even Rock’s is better than that).

Another referee comes in and Hogan very slowly makes it to the rope. Hogan kicks him into the second referee and everyone is down again. A low blow drops Hogan and a chair to the head finally lets Shawn hit the elbow. Sweet Chin Music connects for two but Hogan kicks out, Hulks Up, punches away and finishes with the big boot and legdrop. So that’s how they got there.

Rating: B-. The match was a weird one (YOU THINK?) as Shawn was doing his over the top selling and turning it into a joke at first but then it settled into a match with a pretty simple formula that hit the high points but didn’t exactly break the mold. Hogan was the definitive winner here and Shawn hit everything he could without being able to finish Hogan off. I liked it well enough and it’s certainly a dream match, but it’s two matches in one and that’s a little distracting.

Post match Hogan poses but Shawn stops him to make everything nice. Shawn says he had to know and, as usual, wrestlers are rather forgiving about the whole situation. It’s more posing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was all over the place with some good wrestling and action but a lot of things that felt like they should have been so much more. It’s an enjoyable show and something I’d watch again down the line, but it felt like they were going for a stacked show and as it is, it’s just pretty good. Fix some of the bigger holes and it’s a great one, but I’ll take what I can get after a build that wasn’t their best work.

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Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the second biggest show of the year and that could go multiple ways. Smackdown has been getting better as of late but it’s still not very good. Raw has had its moments, but with the second biggest match from the red show being HHH vs. Eugene, they’re working underneath a pretty low ceiling. Let’s get to it.

The theme is the Summer Games, giving us an Olympic themed opening. I’ve always liked these as they’re actually rather entertaining.

The opening video looks at the big matches, but Diva Dodgeball is in the middle, even before the Intercontinental Title and Smackdown World Title matches. I’m thinking no on that one.

Dudley Boys vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio

Spike recently joined his brothers and since there are no other teams on Smackdown, Kidman and London are still feuding with the Dudleys. Rey just walks out to his music, which takes a lot of the impact away. D-Von hammers on Kidman to start but gets armdragged down for his efforts. London comes in for an assisted moonsault and the dropkick gets two.

A rather hard clothesline takes London down and it’s off to Spike for some screaming stomps in the corner. Bubba comes in for the trash talking elbow drop and the villains start taking turns working on London. Straight right hands break up the comeback attempt but Bubba hits D-Von by mistake. Spike gets kicked away and that’s enough for the tag off to Mysterio.

The springboard legdrop gets two on Spike and a hurricanrana out of the corner makes things even worse. A reverse DDT plants D-Von and it’s back to Kidman for a top rope back elbow to Spike. Everything breaks down and a BK Bomb gets two on Spike. Bubba gets double dropkicked to the floor and Spike takes a Hart Attack of all things. The 619 sends Spike into the shooting star from Billy for two with D-Von making the save. Back in and Kidman walks into the 3D to give Spike the pin.

Rating: C. Well that was a dumb ending. You have Spike as Cruiserweight Champion and have him pin a Tag Team Champion to open one of the biggest shows of the year? You couldn’t have Rey pin D-Von here to let the fans feel good? This didn’t help anything other than building Spike up, which was done as well as it was going to be with the Cruiserweight Title win. Bad decision here, in a match that didn’t need to have this kind of a finish.

We recap Kane vs. Matt Hardy. Lita slept with Kane to get him to leave Matt alone, actually being stupid enough to believe it would work. As a result Lita is pregnant but still loves Matt. Therefore, she’s marrying the winner of this match. Somehow, not even the most bizarre stipulation in Summerslam history.

Kane vs. Matt Hardy

Matt goes straight at him to start and hits what I guess was a middle rope Side Effect for two. The middle rope legdrop to the back of the head gets the same and a weird looking tornado DDT (with Matt landing on his stomach) gets the third two. Kane finally hits a clothesline to take over but a Lita distraction lets Matt low bridge him to the floor.

The slingshot dive sets up a Twist of Fate for nine and probably the best chance Matt had. Lita throws in the bell and distracts the very stupid referee so Matt can clock Kane for two. Kane kicks him in the face and goes up but gets caught by Matt. That’s fine with Kane, who hits a super chokeslam for the pin and Lita’s hand.

Rating: D. Short and bad here, with Matt having less than no chance throughout. Matt has been destroyed and turned into an idiot this whole feud and Kane winning in the end was the only way it could go. Now just get to the wedding, which is destined to be the most entertaining part of this whole thing. The match was nothing that couldn’t have been done on Raw but with a nice looking ending. That’s also Matt’s last WWE match for about a year as he had a bad knee injury and was then released in April.

Randy Orton doesn’t want to hear about anyone being upset because tonight is a night for celebration. John Cena cuts him off and promises him some merch. He’s an Orton fan, but a quick fan poll seems to suggest that they don’t agree with him. And so it begins.

Booker T. vs. John Cena

Match #1 in a best of five series for Booker’s US Title. They slug it out to start with Cena hitting a clothesline for one. Cena gets in the Throwback for two so Booker crotches him on top to cut that off in a hurry. Booker throws in a You Can’t See Me and drops a knee for no cover. A jumping kick to the face cuts off Cena’s early comeback and it’s a camel clutch to keep things slow.

That’s broken up so Booker goes with a spinebuster and side slam to drop Cena again. The ax kick misses though and Cena hits his running clothesline out of the corner. That just earns him a flapjack into a Spinarooni but Cena hits a quick FU for the pin, ignoring Booker’s shoulder being way off the mat.

Rating: D+. That’s the third straight fast match here and that’s not a good thing on a show like this. They didn’t even have seven minutes here, which is the kind of match that could have been on Smackdown instead of wasting it on this show. Cena is likely losing the next two matches to put him in a hole which is fine, but I could have gone for a better start to this thing.

Eric Bischoff (“the head cracker in charge of Raw”) comes in to see Theodore Long and points out the revolving door to the Smackdown GM office. Bischoff advises him to enjoy it while it lasts but Teddy tells him to get to steppin.

Intercontinental Title: Batista vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Hometown boy Edge is defending and Batista is on fire at the moment. Speaking of Batista, he knocks Edge off the apron during his entrance and we hit the Y2J chants early on. A hard elbow knocks Jericho down and a shoulder does it again. Edge comes back in with a chop block to break up the Batista Bomb though and it’s time for some Canadian violence on Batista. Snake Eyes gets Batista out of trouble but Jericho grabs his boot to slow him down a bit.

A clothesline puts Batista outside and leaves Edge alone in the ring….where he’s booed out of the building. Well that’s rather surprising. Batista gets sent face first into the steps and we’re down to Jericho vs. Edge in the ring. Edge gets the better of the fight but gets loudly booed when loading up the Edgecution. The Walls attempt gets a much better reaction, though Edge reversing into a small package isn’t as well received. Back up and Jericho pokes him in the eye, setting up the full Walls of Jericho.

The hold is pulled back into the middle until Batista finally makes a save with the clothesline. Edge takes Batista down with an Edgecution for two as Jericho is banged up on the floor. The spear is loaded up but for some reason Jericho cuts Edge down on the way to Batista. A spinebuster gives Batista two on Jericho but this time it’s Edge sending the big man outside. That gives us another battle of the Canadians and another loud Y2J chant. Batista gets dropkicked off the apron but the distraction lets Edge spear Jericho down to retain.

Rating: D+. The odd crowd reactions threw things off here, though they’re not quite as out there as you might think when you remember Edge teasing a heel turn as of late. Now that being said, you would think the hometown deal would be enough to overcome the recent cheating but that wasn’t the case here. On top of that, the match didn’t have a ton of heat and was a string of one on one matches instead of all three at once. Edge retaining is fine, though Batista is getting bigger and bigger every week.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. Eddie cheated (kind of) to win at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for about five months. Angle is back now, though while he was on the shelf he cost Eddie the WWE Championship so Eddie is out for revenge and to prove that he can hang with Angle on an even playing field. This has been the best set up feud for the whole show and the match should be able to live up to the hype.

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Angle has Luther Reigns with him. Feeling out process to start as the odd fans are cheering for Angle here. Shockingly enough Angle is more than fine against Eddie on the mat so Eddie tries for the ankle. He’ll settle for a headlock instead so Angle reverses into a quick keylock. Eddie armdrags him straight into an armbar but it’s time to start the rolling German suplexes. That doesn’t work either as Eddie reverses the second into the ankle lock as the wrestling lesson continues. Angle reverses into the real thing but Eddie puts his own on at the same time. It doesn’t last long, though cool idea there.

A rope finally saves Eddie so Reigns gets in a cheap shot like a good lackey should do. That means another ankle lock before Angle finally switches gears a bit for something close to an STF. With Eddie down, Angle starts untying Eddie’s boot but the delay lets Eddie get in a kick to the face. It’s right back to Eddie’s ankle until Eddie gets in an Angle Slam of his own. Eddie makes his comeback with right hands but the ankle isn’t exactly sturdy.

It’s fine enough for the Three Amigos so Eddie goes up for the frog splash, only to get caught with the running belly to belly superplex. Angle’s Angle Slam is countered into a DDT and another frog splash attempt misses. The Angle Slam gets two so Angle rips the boot off to set up the ankle lock again.

The roll through sends Angle into the referee so Eddie hits Angle and Reigns with the boot. Of course Eddie throws the boot away and falls down instead of hitting a frog splash, which would have made more sense. Eddie hits the frog splash for two a few seconds later and yells at the referee on the kickout. That’s enough for Angle to pick the ankle and put on the grapevine to make Eddie tap.

Rating: C+. What exactly are they saving all the time for on this show? That’s the first match to break thirteen minutes and nothing else has even hit nine. There are three matches left on the card and nearly an hour and a half left in the show, but nothing has even hit fifteen minutes yet. Did Diva Dodgeball need the extra time?

Anyway, this wasn’t all that great as the first few minutes were looking like the start of a thirty minute classic but then they just jumped the stolen finishers (which is becoming a rather tired trope) and had Angle break the ankle down for the win. This was dying for another eight minutes of build towards the finish but for some reason this show has to go as fast as it can because of reasons.

We recap HHH vs. Eugene. HHH found out that Eugene was his favorite wrestler and agreed to use him to help get the World Title if HHH could eventually make Eugene want to quit. In other words, it was a story that was way more complicated than it needed to be and Eugene, who started off as a very fun, unique character has turned into the clueless putz that cost HHH the title. Therefore, HHH must destroy him to prove that he’s better than a mentally disabled person who doesn’t know how to wrestle but imitates wrestling he watched on TV as a kid. In the second biggest Raw match on Summerslam. Of course.

HHH vs. Eugene

No one is at ringside for a bit of a surprise. HHH wins an early slugout but Eugene elbows him in the face so it’s time head outside. That means a chance for HHH to hide behind Lilian Garcia, allowing him to take over again. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Eugene blocks a suplex to the floor. Some right hands in the corner set up a Flair Flop and HHH has a bad knee. Believe it or not, it’s a way for HHH to sucker Eugene in again and outsmart him for a cheap shot.

A backbreaker keeps Eugene in trouble as JR freaks out of the fake injury. He certainly must have loathed Bret Hart then. The fans think Eugene sucks so his comeback isn’t exactly well received. HHH offers a handshake but this time Eugene is ready for him and pulls it into a Rock Bottom. The People’s Elbow is countered with the spinebuster to a face pop as the trip into the bizarre continues. HHH chokes away and it’s back to the floor for a whip into the steps.

Back in and HHH slowly beats on him, setting up the sleeper because this match needed a sleeper. Eugene escapes and hits a backdrop, followed by a middle finger and the Stunner. That’s enough to send HHH outside for a breather though and here’s Ric Flair because HHH is actually in trouble. The big boot into the legdrop connects but Flair gets knocked off the apron. Eugene goes up top and dives into the Pedigree but spins out, setting up a Pedigree on HHH instead. Flair puts his foot on the rope so it’s just a two, earning an ejection. Cue William Regal to knock Flair cold with the brass knuckles as the Pedigree finishes Eugene.

Rating: D. Well thank goodness for that. After a few months of getting frustrated, the great and mighty HHH came back and beat the comedy act in a match at one of the biggest show of the year. All it cost Eugene was all of the good will he built up too, but at least HHH got the big win. This whole story was really stupid and a huge waste of time, which really doesn’t work when it boils down to HHH needing almost fifteen minutes to beat a comedy guy. It was just bad all around and didn’t help anyone other than HHH, who didn’t get that much out of it anyway.

And then, Diva Dodgeball with the Diva Search girls basically in swimsuits while the Raw women are in matching gear. Before the game starts, Coach tells us about some trash talk that happened after Raw went off the air. They proceed to play dodgeball, which is in no way shape or form an excuse to have good looking women in barely existing clothing running around. The Diva Search girls dominate and win. Trish yells about the refereeing and then blames Victoria, triggering a fight. This took up nearly six minutes, which is about seven minutes too long.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Undertaker

No recap for this one because the build hasn’t exactly been thrilling. JBL won the title earlier in the summer and needed an opponent so Undertaker showed up. For some reason JBL decided he wasn’t afraid of Undertaker and brought out a mini version, who Undertaker wound up beating up instead. Then JBL brought in Orlando Jordan as his Chief of Staff because he needed a designated lackey.

Undertaker knocks him to the floor early on and the beating begins, including JBL’s arm going into the steps. Back in and JBL hits a quick swinging neckbreaker before going up top for a good looking top rope shoulder. An armbar doesn’t get JBL anywhere so Undertaker pulls on the arm as well and hits Old School. Undertaker grabs an ugly triangle choke until Jordan pulls the foot under the rope.

With that not working, Undertaker hits a big boot to JBL but misses a running version in the corner to let JBL take out the knee. The leg is wrapped around the post and a Jordan distraction lets JBL smash the leg with a chair. Undertaker gets sent into the barricade so Jordan can get in a few shots before sending him inside. The fans start the Wave as the leg work continues.

The leglock goes on as JBL is smart enough to just throw on a hold and let the fans die down. It’s not exactly thrilling for the fans at home but it’s a smart idea here. Undertaker fights out and pulls JBL down into a quickly broken kneebar. They head outside again with Undertaker hitting the apron legdrop. The announcers start chanting for the Spanish table but JBL snaps the throat across the top for a breather. Again JBL takes too long going up though and it’s a superplex for two.

JBL goes right back to the knee with a spinning toehold of all things but Undertaker hits a sloppy release spinebuster for two more. The jumping clothesline puts JBL down again and Snake Eyes into…a running clothesline instead of the big boot gives Undertaker another two. The chokeslam gets a delayed near fall, which seems to shock the announcers. Who hasn’t kicked out of a chokeslam? Jordan gets up for a quick distraction and it’s the Clothesline From JBL to give the champ two of his own. The referee gets bumped though and it’s a double big boot for a double knockdown.

Jordan throws the belt in for a shot to the head and the very delayed near fall with Jordan grabbing the hand to slap the mat. Undertaker finally beats up Jordan but eats another Clothesline From JBL. With the referee still down, JBL rains down right hands in the corner which is only done to set up the Last Ride. Jordan is back in with the belt so Undertaker takes it away and hits JBL for the DQ.

Rating: D. The thing is, it’s not even the worst match in the world. It felt like it was straight out of the HHH/Ric Flair Greatest Hits playbook with Jordan being the worst Flair impersonator of all time. The leg work was fine and JBL still wasn’t horrible yet, but the ending was pretty lame with Jordan being pathetic and JBL’s finisher not being able to do much damage. It’s not so much horrible or even bad as much as it is uninteresting and uninspired, which made for a very long seventeen minutes.

Post match the beatdown continues with the bloody JBL being chokeslammed through the roof of the limo. JBL does a stretcher job, guaranteeing a rematch. Of note: at some point during the match, a fan tried to climb onto the limo and security kept him from not only, you know, climbing onto the limo but also breaking the roof and injuring himself/ruining the spot.

Cole shows us a replay and tells us to listen. There’s no sound.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging after winning a battle royal and pinning Benoit in a tag match. Here’s your exchange that would never happen today: Lawler: “Hey JR you got a camera on you?” JR, dripping with sarcasm: “Yeah right here in my pocket.” The fans are all over Earl Hebner with the YOU SCREWED BRET chants as they stare each other down at the bell. Benoit drives him into the corner and takes Orton down for a rather early chinlock. A test of strength goes to Orton but he misses a knee drop.

Benoit is right back with the armbar and armdrags him down into another armbar. That’s reversed as well with Orton grabbing a Sharpshooter of his own. Benoit slips out of that and tries a Crossface, sending Orton to the floor where he posts Benoit to really take over. A second posting keeps the champ down and Orton drapes him over the top rope for good measure.

Something like a DDT on the apron gets Benoit out of trouble but he misses a dive through the ropes, sending himself HARD into the barricade. Back in and Orton hits the over the shoulder neckbreaker for two, followed by the chinlock. Benoit fights up for stereo crossbodies but gets up first for a northern lights suplex. A release German suplex has Orton in more trouble and the Sharpshooter goes on.

That’s good for two arm drops until Orton makes the rope so they’re both exhausted. Some rolling German suplexes put Orton down again but he gets his feet up to block the Swan Dive (FREAKING OW MAN!). The cover is countered into a Crossface but Orton rolls out. Back up and Benoit tries it again but Orton spins him around into the RKO for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a masterpiece but it was a good, long, well put together match with a completely clean ending that made Orton look like the better man. The new heel on top is long overdue and it’s nice to see Orton, who has gotten a lot better in a hurry, win the title here. Benoit’s title reign was very respectable and he beat HHH a few times, which is about as good as you’re going to get. It’s a rather good main event, though not exactly a classic.

Post match Benoit gets back in and shakes his hand, demanding that Orton be a man. Orton shakes his hand and Benoit leaves in peace, allowing Orton to pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is two different halves and it’s as noticeable as you’re ever going to see. The first four matches are all short and need more time while the remaining four, as in the big matches, either fail to live up to the hype or just aren’t very good in the first place. This show needed to be reshuffled a bit with some extra time being given to a few other matches. Stuff like Diva Dodgeball and the opener could have been cut to give the time to other matches. It would have done the show a lot of good, but there was only so much this show could do.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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