Smackdown
Date: January 22, 2004
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the final show before the Royal Rumble and most of Sunday is already set. You can always use more focus on the Rumble itself, but I have a bad feeling we might be in for a heavy dose of Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar tonight. I for one can’t get enough of the WWE Champion vs. the race car driver. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Chavo Guerrero turning on his uncle Eddie, leading to Kurt Angle getting involved and setting up a tag match with Chavo and his dad vs. Eddie/Angle tonight. I’m not a big Chavo fan but he’s been money in this feud.

Opening sequence.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chuck Palumbo

Rey tries hammering away but a hard shoulder puts him down. Palumbo tries a powerbomb, earning all those right hands to the head. The 619 is loaded up early on but Johnny Stamboli low bridges Rey to the floor. Back in and Palumbo starts in on the knee by ramming it into the mat and grabbing a half crab. Ever the creative one, Rey flings his free leg back to kick Palumbo, whose staggering puts Rey closer to the ropes.

Instead of getting kicked again, Palumbo switched to a regular Boston crab. That’s broken up so Palumbo puts him on top, only to get caught with a top rope seated senton. A springboard moonsault into a reverse DDT gives Mysterio two but Nunzio’s distraction lets Palumbo kick his head off. Back up and Palumbo tries a fireman’s carry, only to get reversed into a rollup for the fast pin.

Rating: D. The problem here was with Palumbo, who clearly had no idea how to wrestle a match against someone that much smaller than him. While he isn’t the biggest guy in the world, Palumbo is big enough to wrestle a power style here and that’s not what we got. Mysterio was trying but Palumbo just isn’t that good.

Post match the FBI comes in and gives Mysterio the bigger beatdown. Jamie Noble comes out and pays them off before his match with Mysterio on Sunday. Of note: does anyone remember that Nunzio and Noble are supposed to be cousins? I don’t remember the last time it was mentioned and it certainly wasn’t here.

Paul Heyman is really not happy with John Cena and Chris Benoit for ruining the morality of this show, which certainly isn’t related to making him eat soap last week. Therefore tonight, for the sake of restoring the morals that this company were based on, they’ll be teaming up against Big Show/Brock Lesnar/Matt Morgan/Rhyno. The four of them just happen to be standing off camera.

Kurt Angle yells at Chavo and Chavo over messing with the family bond. He grew up under the pressure of having four older brothers who were better athletes than him. His way out? He won an Olympic gold medal. They’ll learn a lesson in the ring tonight.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman

No Akio/Sakoda at ringside. Kidman starts fast with an armdrag and a hurricanrana but gets pulled off the top for a crash. It’s off to an armbar on Kidman’s recently repaired shoulder in a smart move. Tazz thinks Tajiri is smart for eating so much rice and a spinning kick to the arm seems to support that line of thinking. The handspring elbow is blocked with a dropkick but Kidman misses the shooting star. A Buzzsaw kick sends Tajiri to the Rumble.

Brock and Big Show are in the back to talk about the match and Show is sick of Lesnar following him around to “protect” him from Hardcore Holly. Show needs some time to himself and has the cops to protect him. Therefore, tonight Show is taking tonight off and after Sunday, he’s coming after the WWE Title, whether Lesnar or someone else holds it.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: A-Train vs. Shannon Moore

A-Train has shaved his beard and possibly some of his chest hair. Shannon drop toeholds him into the middle buckle to start but gets THROWN into the same corner for a little more impact. We hit something close to a Gory Stretch but cue the Cat of all people to dance, setting up a rollup to give Shannon two. A-Train will have none of that and sends him into the steps, followed by the Train Wreck for the fast pin.

Team Lesnar is in Heyman’s office but Paul wants to know where Show is. Lesnar explains things but Heyman says Show is just getting himself fired up. It’ll be SHOW TIME when the match is on.

Video on Holly vs. Lesnar.

John Cena/Chris Benoit vs. Brock Lesnar/Matt Morgan/Rhyno

No Show, and Heyman is sitting in a lifeguard chair at ringside. Before the match, Cena (great pop on his entrance) apologizes for not rubbing the soap in Heyman’s eyes last week too. Gay jokes are made about Heyman and then Show/Lesnar/Heyman, which of course get the better reactions. Lesnar, Morgan and Rhyno come out but there’s a forklift in front of Show’s locker room, confirming that it’s going to be 3-2.

Lesnar and Benoit get things going with Brock running away and tagging in Morgan with no action. So it’s Morgan being sent face first into the buckle and Cena coming in to forearm him in the back. Cena gets taken into the corner and the numbers game starts to get the better of him as Heyman looks on in near disgust. Rhyno can’t keep Cena in trouble though and it’s back to Benoit, who gets beaten up a little more easily. Heyman is thrilled when Lesnar comes in to start stomping away but it’s quickly back to Cena. They’re certainly moving with the tags here so far.

A spinebuster cuts Cena off and it’s back to Rhyno for a cross arm choke, allowing Cole to remind us that Big Show was supposed to be involved here too for about the third time in a minute. Lesnar comes back in for the corner shoulders but misses a charge. That’s enough for the hot tag to Benoit so we hit the rolling German suplexes, causing Heyman’s jaw to drop in fear. Rhyno breaks up the Crossface and hits a spinebuster, only to charge into a drop toehold into the ropes.

That’s enough for Lesnar, who takes a walk but gets jumped by Hardcore Holly. Cops come in for the save and we take a break. Back with fans telling Heyman that he ate soap as Morgan comes back in to headbutt Benoit. Rhyno knocks Cena off the apron and Gores Benoit for two with Cena diving back in for the save. Morgan misses an elbow though and now the hot tag brings Cena in to clean house. Everything breaks down and Cena dodges a Gore, setting up the FU for the pin on Rhyno.

Rating: C+. It’s rather impressive to turn a 4-2 handicap match into a regular tag inside of twenty minutes. Cena and Benoit battling the authority is fine though they’ll be better off when it gets down to Cena doing it alone as he’s much more anti-authority than Benoit and would fit better on his own. They’re both looking like stars though and that’s the best thing about the whole story.

Post match Cena and Benoit go after Heyman but Show comes in for some chokeslams.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Bradshaw vs. Akio vs. Sakoda

Bradshaw beats them both up and hits a super Last Call for two on Sakoda. The double teaming starts working but, to my shock and awe, they get in an argument over who can pin Bradshaw. A double suplex gets one and another argument breaks out. Sakoda gets sent outside and Akio heads up, only to dive into the Clothesline to send Bradshaw to the Rumble.

Billy Gunn’s greatest moment ever: the wedding to Chuck. For some reason this is edited off of the Network, likely due to a music deal, though the previous two parts of the countdown were included.

Angle gives Eddie a pep talk and says the Guerrero family is messed up. If Eddie could control the Latino Heat, he could be WWE Champion. Tonight, they’re doing things by Angle’s rules: block out all emotions and concentrate on winning. Angle is kind of a jerk here.

Kurt Angle/Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Eddie’s music is very quiet for some reason, being little more than background noise. At least it picks up right near the end and then Angle’s music is normal. Angle has to hold Eddie back from wrecking his family so we stall a bit before the bell. Jr. and Angle start things off but Kurt wants a handshake from Eddie, who tags him instead. For some reason that doesn’t count as a tag so Angle takes Jr. down with a headlock instead. The fans think Chavo sucks, though they don’t specify which one.

Jr. gets shouldered out to the floor and that means some advice from his dad. Sr. comes in but Angle still won’t tag Eddie. Some armdrags have Angle in more control so Eddie comes in to try and get his hands on someone. That sends the Chavos bailing to the floor so now Angle brings Eddie in for real. The emotions draw Eddie outside and the double teaming has Eddie in trouble.

Sr. chokes in the corner before coming in for a bow and arrow hold, followed by a crossface chickenwing. Jr. is back in with a dropkick in the corner but Eddie scores with a dropkick and it’s Angle coming back in to clean house. Eddie tags himself back in and everything breaks down. Double suplexes take the villains down but Angle gets poked in the eye, causing him to Angle Slam Eddie by mistake. Sr. hits a DDT as Angle is taken away, leaving Jr. to frog splash Eddie for the pin.

Rating: C+. Perfectly fine here and it’s the right call to have Chavo get a pin to set up Sunday’s match. Having both Chavos in there wasn’t the worst idea in the world as it’s not like Jr. has any other friends at the moment. Throw in the touch of Eddie’s family betraying him and it’s not a bad story. Eddie vs. Angle should be awesome too and the slow build to get there is nice.

Overall Rating: B-. This was designed to be more about the big angles getting the focus and that’s a good thing. It’s also nice to have Holly vs. Lesnar get very little time as they’re not really hiding the fact that they want the match over as soon as possible. Things are starting to pick up for the early stages of Wrestlemania season and hopefully things stay hot when we really get going.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: January 15, 2004
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With less than two weeks to go before the Royal Rumble, it’s still the Hardcore Holly Show around here. Thankfully there’s some other stuff going on to balance it out, but he’s an anchor on the momentum that the show could have. Other than that though we have Chris Benoit and John Cena having rockets strapped to their backs, which could be very entertaining. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Paul Heyman is in the ring to start things off and talks about how important gambling is here. There can only be fifteen Smackdown superstars in the Royal Rumble so tonight, only the winners get into the match. This brings out John Cena, whose presence has Heyman’s mouth hanging open. Cena gets in his various insults and promises to bounce Heyman faster than an ECW check. Tazz: “I’ve had one of those. They suck.” Cena asks the fans what they want to see and loads up the FU but Rhyno comes in for the save. Rhyno Gores him and Heyman promises that tonight will be a night that Cena never forgets.

Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri

Rescheduled from last week when Jamie was nowhere to be found and Nidia had to take his place. The winner gets Rey Mysterio, on commentary, for the Cruiserweight Title at the Royal Rumble. Tajiri wastes no time in firing off the kicks to take over and some kicks in the corner get two. Tazz of course isn’t all that interested as he would rather accuse Rey of staring at Nidia. A neckbreaker gets Noble out of trouble and we hit the USA chant.

The ever patriotic Noble runs him over but Tajiri kicks him in the head to stop the momentum. For some reason Tajiri goes up but misses a middle rope legdrop, only to have Akio and Sakoda go after Nidia. Noble and Mysterio run over for the save so Noble sends him into the barricade. Tajiri loads up a dive but Noble pulls Nidia in his way, setting up the tiger bomb back inside to send Noble to the Rumble. But wait, shouldn’t that put him in the Royal Rumble too, following Heyman’s orders earlier tonight? I know there’s another prize there but that needs to be explained a bit better.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work very well with too much going on in a three minute match. Tazz’s constant accusations of Mysterio wanting Nidia didn’t help much either as it just was more annoying than interesting. As a bonus, Nidia continues to be the stupidest person in wrestling. We’re supposed to believe that no one has told her about this in the month or so this story has been going? She’s never heard the commentary on a show where the announcers are calling the show? I’d hope we get somewhere with this at the Rumble as it needs to end already.

We look back at the opening segment.

Here’s Heyman, standing on the elevated part of the set, to say Cena is corrupting the youth of America. Therefore, tonight it’s Cena vs. Rhyno in a Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap match with Cena’s mouth against Heyman’s mouth.

We look back at Hardcore Holly attacking Big Show last week.

Brock Lesnar and Show, in a neck brace are in the back and it’s restraining order time. Holly can’t come within fifty feet of Show and Lesnar is standing by his side all night. I get that they’re trying with Holly but it just makes me shake my head more every week.

We recap the split of Los Guerreros in a great angle.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Eddie Guerrero and insists that he was only trying to help. Apparently Chavo Sr. will be here tonight to apologize for Chavo, who Eddie will be facing at the Rumble. Therefore, neither can be in the Rumble. That’s not cool with Eddie, who rants about not wanting to fight his family. Beating up his nephew would be like taking out his own heart. It’s about respect, not revenge.

Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty

The Bashams are defending. And hang on a second as Dawn Marie comes out to announce that this is now Rikishi vs. Scotty with the winner getting in the Rumble. So when he said the winners tonight will get you into the Rumble, he only meant some of them. That’s more clarification than we had earlier.

Rikishi vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

They stare at each other a lot until Scotty annoys Rikishi (imagine that) and some smacks to the head knock Scotty silly. The Samoan drop is escaped so Rikishi superkicks him down, setting up the Rump Shaker for the quick pin.

Video on recent house shows. A little research finds that those shows were main evented by Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. A-Train (and occasionally with Tajiri included as well) for the Cruiserweight Title. That certainly does sound like a great time.

Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Non-title, as announced by Tazz. However, the winners are in the Rumble. Danny runs Haas over to start but gets taken to the mat without much effort. Shelton comes in for a heck of a t-bone suplex on Doug with Danny having to make a save. That means a trip to the floor where Shaniqua offers a distraction, allowing the Bashams to hit a double baseball slide to take over.

Back in and Shelton gets beaten down as he and Haas are the default faces, which doesn’t quite work for them. Shelton ducks a clothesline and makes the hot (minus the heat) tag to Haas to clean house. Everything breaks down and Shelton gets in a superkick, allowing Haas to roll Danny up for the pin.

Rating: D. And I’m sure Haas and Benjamin will be announced for a title shot soon after pinning the champions clean. This was a weird choice for the sake of a qualifying match and it really didn’t work. Haas and Benjamin are the less heelish of the two teams but it’s not like the fans were going to cheer them anyway. It got the right team into the Rumble but that’s about all it got right.

Here’s Chavo Sr. to apologize for his son. He understands why he’s being booed with what is going on with his family. Chavo is here tonight to say that he is ashamed of his son and he wants an apology to Eddie. This brings out Eddie, who thinks it’s a setup. Chavo says he’s out here on his own behalf but that’s not cool with Eddie, who doesn’t think this is enough.

Eddie calms down and says his anger isn’t towards his brother but towards Chavo Jr. Is that how Chavo raised his son? Eddie doesn’t understand this so here’s Chavo Jr. as well. As you probably guessed, the double teaming is on and Eddie gets laid out. Cole thinks this MIGHT have been a setup, because being lead commentator makes him a little slow. Angle runs in for the save.

The FBI comes out for a six man tag but that’s another changed match as we now have a three man battle royal for a Royal Rumble spot.

Nunzio vs. Chuck Palumbo vs. Johnny Stamboli

Nunzio tells them to get out so he can win, eventually screaming in their faces to do so. Palumbo teases leaving but punches Nunzio in the face instead. The big guys fight in the corner until Palumbo knocks Nunzio silly. A buckle bomb rocks Nunzio and Palumbo kicks Stamboli out, only to be dumped by Nunzio for the win in short order.

Post match Nunzio tries to explain while Stamboli falls down.

Eddie is going Chavo hunting but finds Angle instead. Things get very intense but Angle doesn’t want to fight. Eddie wants to beat up Chavo Jr. instead.

Big Show vs. Funaki

Non-title but a Royal Rumble qualifier with Show in his neck brace. Chops, hiptoss, Hardcore Holly comes out for a failed distraction, a right hand puts Show in the Rumble.

Heyman gives Rhyno a pep talk. He needs to do this for AMERICA, because Cena is poisoning the youth’s minds! Heyman wants the old Rhyno back.

The #2 Billy Gunn moment: winning the 1999 King of the Ring. Over X-Pac, because Gunn vs. Road Dogg in the finals was too complicated for Vince Russo.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Cena’s mouth getting soaped out vs. Heyman’s mouth getting soaped out. Before the match, Heyman tells the referee to DQ Cena at the slightest indiscretion. Rhyno on the other hand can’t be counted out or disqualified, called ECW rules. Cena slides in and gets knocked right back to the floor. The second attempt works a bit better with some clotheslines putting Rhyno outside this time.

Back in again and Cena tosses him a second time but Rhyno comes back in with a kendo stick. A few shots have Cena in trouble and they head outside for the fourth time combined, which suggests that this is going to go on for a very long time. Rhyno chairs him down for two more and the chair is wedged in the corner for good measure. Of course Rhyno gets whipped into the chair because that’s what happens when you put one in the corner.

Cena scores with the Throwback and the top rope elbow to the neck has Rhyno in more trouble. Heyman comes in with a low blow to block the FU though and they’re both down again. The Gore misses so they head outside again, this time with Rhyno loading up a table. Back from a break with Cena being slammed onto the unfolded table but he rolls away from a top rope splash. The table is set in the corner but first, Rhyno has to hit a spinebuster for two. The missed Gore sends Rhyno through the table (which explodes) and the FU gives Cena the pin.

Rating: D. For a match that wasn’t exactly in doubt, this went on a lot longer than it should have. The stipulation was a nice idea and could have been done better with a bigger name against Cena but this didn’t work very well. Cut this down in about half and you have something much better but the seventeen minutes it got went too long.

Heyman tries to run but Chris Benoit cuts him off. Some kendo stick shots from Heyman just annoy Benoit, who takes Heyman down with ease. As Heyman screams for help, Benoit puts on the Sharpshooter. Cena grabs a mic and says this was all Heyman’s idea so it’s soap time. Hang on though, as Cena has an idea. Heyman is in pain, but Cena can make it worse by saying CHRIS, which causes the hold to be pulled on even harder. Heyman won’t lick the soap so that means CHRIS.

They try it again and Heyman screams, earning him some soap in the mouth. Heyman promises to make Cena miserable and makes threats of Vince McMahon’s authority. Cena: “He’s got a point but I’ve got a better one. CHRIS!” That means more soap for Heyman, who starts apologizing to Benoit. Cena: “That sounded like he said CHRIS!” Heyman: “FU! FU! FU!” Cena: “CHRIS!” More soap and more cranking knocks Heyman out to end the show. At least this was a fun way to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Well, they did something to advance towards the Rumble and Holly was kept to a near minimum tonight, but the show still came off as flat. Having a bunch of short qualifying matches for the Rumble didn’t so much get me excited for the show as much as it showed me how weak the Smackdown roster is after the top names. The ending segment was completely fine though and it helped boost the show up a little bit.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: January 8, 2004
Location: Van Braun Civic Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Attendance: 3,100
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the second show of the year and hopefully it’s an improvement on the first. We’ve got less than three weeks before the Royal Rumble and the card is finally starting to take some shape. The Royal Rumble itself should be a lot of fun by definition, though we still need some more people being announced for the match. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s show, focusing on the split of Los Guerreros and Kurt Angle saying it was due to a breakdown of family values.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Angle to open things up. Last week was supposed to be the start of a great year but he saw one of the greatest tag teams ever self destruct. Angle calls Chavo out to fix this right now so here he comes, now with his own music instead of the Los Guerreros theme. Angle thinks Chavo should want to do what’s right for his family but hang on because we need an EDDIE chant.

Chavo goes with the classic heel response of it was for Eddie’s own good and wants to slap Eddie for good measure. Maybe he’ll even slap Kurt too! Cue Eddie to chase Chavo off (I like that it took him a second to get there as it feels a bit more natural) but Kurt again plays peacekeeper. Things settle down a bit with Angle saying Chavo was the one person there when Eddie needed help the most (implying his drug issues). We get a very shaky handshake.

We look back at Hardcore Holly attacking Big Show with a chair last week.

Big Show can’t wait to get his hands on Holly in a street fight tonight.

Chris Benoit is here for a match but Paul Heyman, with a broken finger thanks to last week, makes it a mini Royal Rumble instead with Benoit vs. the FBI.

Mini Royal Rumble

Benoit is in at #1 and Johnny Stamboli is in at #2 with two minute intervals. Benoit wastes no time in elbowing Stamboli in the face but it’s too early to get him out. Stamboli can’t get Benoit out either though (well duh) and the Sharpshooter makes Stamboli tap as Chuck Palumbo is in at #3. As this goes on, Tazz rips Cole apart for saying various dumb things and says he has to be him. I could go for a heel Tazz.

Benoit fights off the double team and gets rid of Stamboli. There’s a Crossface to Palumbo and, as you might have guessed, he’s still tapping as Nunzio is in at #4. Reality sets in quickly for Nunzio as Benoit is waiting him but Palumbo is back up. Benoit dumps Nunzio anyway and the fans are WAY behind Benoit here. Well either that or the canned audio is. Palumbo misses the superkick and gets backdropped out to give Benoit the win.

Rating: D. This was just a workout for Benoit, which is entirely the point of having the FBI around. The good thing though is they’re pushing the heck out of Benoit, who has gone through a bunch of stuff in the last year and deserves to be in the main event. He and John Cena feel untouchable right now and it would be great to see him finally move up to the main event where he’s belonged for a long time now.

Heyman isn’t happy.

Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty

The Bashams are defending….or at least that’s the plan as they jump Rikishi and Scotty from behind and beat them down. Scotty takes a belt shot to the head and there seems to be no match. Hang on a second though as here’s Kurt to say he’s just left Heyman’s office. We have a replacement team and the title match is on. So in the span of two minutes, Angle ran to Heyman’s office, knew that Rikishi and Scotty weren’t ready to go, and convinced Heyman to make the match? That’s Olympic speed.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are still defending. Danny shoulders Eddie down to start so Chavo comes in for a double back elbow. The announcers argue a lot more than usual as Chavo gets two off a small package. It’s already time for some cheating with Eddie choking in the corner and clapping his hands in place of a tag. As usual, the fans eat it up like fried yak knees. Ever the nice uncle, Eddie makes a blind tag and jumps behind Doug, who punches the heck out of Chavo until Eddie taps him on the shoulder for another right hand.

Danny pulls Doug out to the floor to avoid a Frog splash though and a low bridge sends Eddie outside in a big heap. Back from a break with Eddie still in trouble and we hit the half crab. A double slingshot suplex drops Eddie again and we actually get a CHAVO chant for a change. Shaniqua adds some choking (must have learned it from Eddie) as Tazz tries to figure out if a world of hurt is like a planet of pain.

A good powerbomb works on the back even more and this time Chavo makes a save. Eddie finally rolls out of a double arm crank and makes the hot tag so dropkicks can abound. The tornado DDT gets two on Danny with Doug making a save and the champs are knocked to the floor. Stereo dives have them in even more trouble and the fans are rather pleased at the moment. Back in and Chavo tries a sunset flip but Danny sits down on it with Shaniqua grabbing his hands to retain the titles.

Rating: B. If there was a story going on with Eddie and Chavo, they would have been nuts to not change the titles there. Eddie sold this to perfection and the match was a great time throughout. Odds are Chavo somehow blames Eddie for the loss and Angle stays involved, which is all the heel turn needs to be. Good match here and probably the best Bashams match ever.

Post match the Bashams beat Eddie down while Chavo sits in a chair. Shaniqua is pleased as the Bashams leave….and Chavo comes in to beat on Eddie even more for the full turn. More right hands bust Eddie open and Chavo is very pleased. As a bonus, he kicks Eddie in the head and steals the lowrider. The fans boo the heck out of him too because this is a story that has been told well and is a classic for a reason. You can run with the jealousy storyline for months and the fact that they’re family makes it even better. Really well done angle after a very good match.

A-Train vs. John Cena

Cena’s pre-match rap makes Star Wars references about A-Train so it’s at least good for a laugh. A-Train drives him into the corner but Cena punches his way to freedom. A butterfly suplex gives A-Train two and we hit a reverse chinlock with a knee in the back. Cena powers up, hits the ProtoBomb and a top rope elbow to the back of the head. The Shuffle and FU give Cena the fast and impressive win as he just shrugged off whatever A-Train hit him with and won without much effort. That’s what he should be doing too.

Angle checks on the bloody Eddie, who breaks down in tears as Angle talks about what Chavo did. Kurt apologizes because this might have been his fault. Thanks for that Kurt.

Akio vs. Rey Mysterio

Non-title and only Sakoda is here with Akio as Tajiri has a match later tonight. Rey armdrags him down to start and we’re off to an early headlock. That goes nowhere so Akio cranks it up in a hurry with a buckle bomb to rock Rey. A sliding legdrop to the back of the head gets two and it’s time for the Tree of Woe.

Akio tries to get a bit too fast though and slides low, crotching himself against the post in the process. Rey gets two off a springboard crossbody but Akio kicks him out of the air for the same. Sakoda tries to interfere again and gets caught on the ropes with Akio being knocked next to him for a double 619. With the other goon taken care of, the West Coast Pop finishes Akio.

Rating: C. Not a bad match at all for four and a half minutes with both guys looking good and working hard. Akio and Sakoda are very low on the totem pole at the moment but with enough effort (which they’ve shown so far), they could turn into something useful. Mysterio on top of the division is fine, though it’s only going to last for so long without a good challenger.

Billy Gunn has a Best of Billy Gunn countdown, ranging over the next three weeks until he returns at the Royal Rumble. #3: the Smoking Gunns win their first Tag Team Titles. So Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly are both getting pushes. What a happy new year.

Hardcore Holly thinks Josh Matthews is a smart guy (oh dear) but Big Show shouldn’t challenge Holly to a street fight in Alabama.

Nidia tries to find Jamie Noble, who is on his way. Paul Heyman comes in and puts her in the match instead.

Wrestlemania recall: Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.

Nidia vs. Tajiri

A few takedowns and an armdrag set up a legsweep for the pin to give Tajiri the title shot at the Rumble. Dang Tough Enough must have some really bad trainers.

Post match Tajiri loads up the big kick but Mysterio makes the save and helps Nidia until Jamie finally arrives. Noble decks Rey for reasons of general jerkishness.

Hardcore Holly vs. Big Show

Non-title street fight with Brock Lesnar on commentary. Cole: “What is Lesnar doing out here?” Doing commentary for a match involving his next challenger you moron. Tazz is right to insult him so often. There are weapons at ringside but Show brings out the chair that Holly used to bust him open last week. Did he steal that from whatever arena they were in?

Holly is in jeans and comes out to fight in the aisle but gets headbutted in short order. They get inside with Holly breaking a broom over his back, only to be thrown outside without much effort. Holly gets in a chair shot and goes after Lesnar, which just allows Big Show to get in a shot from behind. Back in and Holly gets beaten down again, only to get in some trashcan shots to the head for the first near fall. As you might expect, Holly can’t get the full nelson so he uses pepper spray and kicks him low. For a unique idea, Holly wraps a chair around Show’s neck and pulls back for a submission.

Rating: D. Well, I guess the one person in the world who wanted to see Hardcore Holly and Big Show have a street fight got what they had been waiting for. Other than that though, this was just two people hitting each other with weapons and a different kind of finish. The fact that it was Hardcore Holly beating up Big Show is almost too much to swallow though.

Lesnar runs away from Holly to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Smackdown is two different worlds at the moment as you can see the promised land of Cena, Benoit and Guerrero getting ready to take things over but we have to put up with Holly for a few more weeks because wrestling must make you suffer. Holly might be the most lame duck challenger of all time and all of the other prospective opponents for Lesnar make it that much harder to sit through. There’s some more good than bad though on here as you have the talented guys taking up a lot of the show and that makes it a lot easier to sit through. Just forget Holly already and the show is that much better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

This was requested a few weeks back, though it’s an old version (over eight years) so the quality isn’t great.  I apologize in advance.

Insurrextion 2000
Date: May 6, 2000
Location: Earls Court, London, England
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Back to England as we haven’t been here in awhile. This is another of the English shows that is made to look like a PPV despite being a big house show. It’s about a week after Backlash where Rock won the title from HHH and the main event is Rock vs. HHH vs. Shane which I’m sure will be riveting. Other than that there isn’t much here at all. Let’s get to it so we can get it over with.

The opening video is painfully generic with HHH, Shane and Rock saying exactly what you would expect them to say. This was fairly pointless and doesn’t make me think much of the show tonight.

That pyro is loud!

Too Cool vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko

The Radicalz are still new here having been around less than three and a half months to this point. Dean is Light Heavyweight Champions here which means absolutely nothing. Dean beat Scotty for the title so there’s your reasoning behind the match which is more than you would usually get here. I never got the appeal of Too Cool. They’re just not interesting to me in the slightest.

And what would a British show be without an air horn? Crowd is white hot too which is always a good sign. It’s weird seeing the old school barricades too. Saturn and Malenko are annoyed with each other apparently because Saturn hasn’t won a title yet. Saturn and Grandmaster get the mostly hot tags and the faces dominate.

I hate the Worm and any moves like it. If a bulldog keeps a guy down for like 10 seconds like that, why not cover them? If after ten seconds they can’t get out of the way of a chop, couldn’t they get pinned off a cover just after the bulldog? Anyway the top rope legdrop from Grandmaster to Saturn ends it. Saturn and Malenko fight afterwards.

Rating: D+. Eh not bad for an opener but at the same time this just didn’t have anything special about it at all. I’m not sure I get the logic of having the Radicalz lose either, but the match wasn’t that horrible. The fans were reacting well to it though so that’s a good sign I guess.

Mae gives Kat a pep talk.

And Vince is here! He says if HHH had gotten a fair match at Backlash he would have kept the title. Austin had run in during the match and hit HHH with a Stunner. Vince is awesome at what he does.

He has this confidence about himself and it works really well. Vince says Rock’s plan is that if he loses the title in England not a lot of people are going to know about it. You know, other than the people that watch Raw and see him without the belt. Vince says a relative of his will win the title. I’m not sure if there was a point to this or not.

Bull Buchanan vs. Kane

A month ago Buchanan and Boss Man broke Kane’s hand, hence the match. I love the organ music of Kane. It’s just sweet sounding. The pyro on the other hand will stop your heart. He has Bearer with him here too. We’re appearing to be in a squash match here as Kane completely dominates and then no sells a DDT. Yep Buchanan is dead in the water.

Buchanan hits his signature move where he runs up the corner and turns for a clothesline. Kane is of course up before Bull is. It’s ALL Kane here as even the stuff Bull hits has nothing as far as effect goes. A middle rope axe handle is caught in a chokeslam to end this in like 3 minutes.

Rating: C-. I like Kane so this was very fun. Buchanan was never really worth a thing so this kind of summed up his career: the best he’s got just got smacked right back in his face. This was one of the most one sided matches I’ve ever seen that didn’t involve a jobber, which is likely giving Buchanan too much credit but whatever. The rating is pure bias mind you.

Stephanie implies that Vince doesn’t like HHH which ticks him off.

Bradshaw vs. Road Dogg

Tori is freaking hot. She just is. And I always liked the King of Rock theme for DX. Also great to see these epic storylines getting closure on PPV like this. Farrooq does commentary here. The APA are total heels here and they go after Tori and the beatdown is on Road Dogg. Farrooq gets thrown out. Well you can’t say the first minute was boring.

Bradshaw works on the ribs a lot which makes sense. Not really but it felt right to say that. Ignore this and the previous sentence. This match is just boring. It feels like a house show match and that’s just not a good sign at all. Road Dogg has his ribs worked on for four minutes or so and then is just fine to get his two moves in where he dances. Why does that not surprise me?

The Clothesline isn’t quite a finisher yet but is a signature move at this point. And then a pumphandle slam ends it. Well that was riveting. I almost stopped watching that documentary on earwax.

Rating: F+. This was just bad. There’s no other way to put it. There was nothing of note here and Tori looking good was the only thing it had going for it whatsoever. It wasn’t interesting at all and there was no apparent reason for it happening. At least it’s over though.

Terri is ready.

The Kat vs. Terri

This is arm wrestling mind you. Kat has Mae Young and Terri has Moolah who are involved here for no explained reasons at all. Moolah’s legs are still nice looking actually. This feud went on forever and never wound up going anywhere but this is all about looks as neither of them could do a thing in the ring.

If you’ve seen any arm wrestling thin in wrestling ever, you know the next three minutes so I’ll be quiet for the most part. Terri and Mae both cheat and Kat wins. Terri pulls Kat’s top off and Kat is like screw it and shows them off. Naturally we don’t get to see a thing. Well it’s over at least. This was a waste of five minutes.

Rikishi is coming to the ring.

Crash is hiding.

Rock is JUST GETTING HERE.

Dudley Boys vs. Big Show/Rikishi

It’s Showkishi here which is funny if nothing else. It’s not as good as Shogan but it’s still good. We get a clip of Trish being put through a table at Backlash for no apparent reason. D-Von and the thong wearing Show start us off. The Dudleys are still awesome here but what are you really expecting here?

Show was world champion four months ago and Rikishi was one of the most popular guys on the roster at this point. Lawler makes jokes and my head begins to hurt. They beat up Rikishi for a bit and we’re just killing time so far. I want to break whoever it is that has that stupid airhorn. What’s Up on Rikishi.

Show comes in and clears house and it’s a double Stinkface. Bubba gets a table and the place freaking POPS. I’m sorry for this review being so lackluster but this show is just not interesting at all. And here are Edge and Christian to beat up the Dudleys. A chokeslam on Bubba ends it.

Rating: D. Another boring match here. Nothing of note happened at all and it was a glorified comedy act. Rikishi was popular though and they loved the table appearing even though nothing actually happened with it. This was just a waste of time, but it sets up this.

Too Cool comes out and they trade glasses with the Dudleys. All six of them dance. Ok, I know I think it’s stupid, but the place freaking ERUPTED for this and with the amount of flashbulbs going off you would think it was Austin vs. Rock.

Bubba goes insane and moves faster than he’s ever moved in his career. This is fun so it did its job. Also this is on a European PPV so it’s not like many people are going to see it anyway, at least not by comparison.

We see Angle going around London seeing the sights. He’s the cocky guy that is happy go lucky here and is just freaking great.

Angle cost Benoit the IC Title and tonight it’s Angle vs. Benoit.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Angle gets one heck of a pop. He criticizes the English spoken in London and I’m loving this. Benoit gets nowhere near the reaction of Angle which is odd. His eye is about as swollen as Trish’s chest. And here’s Crash Holly. Ok then. He’s looking for an Englishman to fight and there’s no one willing to apparently. His voice is great actually. Do I need to tell you that this match is going to be good?

This is more about Crash than anything else though as we have almost no commentary about Benoit or Angle but it’s ALL about Crash. Is there a point to this at all? I could watch Angle suplex people all day. Once Crash finally shuts up we get back in time to see Benoit hit the Rolling Germans. He uses a bridge on the last one for two which is different for him. And then Crash takes things over again.

Angle grabs the referee’s hand and jabs Benoit’s eye with it. I’ll ignore how completely contrived that is but whatever. Benoit misses the headbutt and the Angle Slam ends it. This was MAYBE 6 minutes long. What was that?

Rating: C+. And that’s with the elevated ratings for these two. This was likely the worst of their matches I’ve ever seen as it felt like there was no motivation at all or anything like that. They were totally going through the motions out there and I have NO idea what the deal was with Crash out there. If there has ever been a WTF moment involving these two, this was it.

A blonde Michael Cole asks Shane who Vince was talking about and Shane says he meant Shane.

British Bulldog comes running to the ring with a referee (Teddy Long) for a Hardcore Title match vs. Crash. Ok then.

Hardcore Title: British Bulldog vs. Crash Holly

To say the crowd erupted is an understatement. Crash chokes him to insane booing. This is by far the biggest reaction that Crash has ever gotten. Bulldog is just destroying him here as you would expect. Crash has a kendo stick broken over his back. The Powerslam gets the title. This was REALLY short.

Rating: N/A. This was for the live crowd and there’s not a thing wrong with that. Bulldog would never be on PPV again and would lose the title back in less than a week. He would have one or two more televised matches ever I think.

Edge and Christian sign a fan an autograph and get 5 pounds from a kid for it. They take a picture for another fan but get in front of him so it’s just of them. That costs ten pounds.

Tag Titles: Hardy Boys vs. Edge and Christian

The Canadians are champions here but does it really matter? Like Benoit vs. Angle, do I need to tell you that this is going to be good? Lawler calls Edge and Christian the beautiful people. JR says what’s next for Edge and Christian: shampoo commercials? Anyone that has watched Mania 18 knows why that’s funny.

How weird is it to think that this is 10 years ago and they’re one of the featured matches? Lawler seems to have a man crush on Edge and Christian. There’s nothing incredibly unique here but they know how to work well together and excite a crowd. That’s all you need to do sometimes and considering that this is a crowd that doesn’t often get live wrestling, even the most basic stuff they do is going to seem more impressive than usual.

Christian hits a nice powerslam on Jeff. Oh great now I’m typing to the beat that those airhorns are being blown at. Simple heel tactics really do work well. Edge kept Jeff from making the hot tag and got booed for it. Simple but effective. What more can you ask for? We follow that up with the classic referee missing the tag which is heavily booed. I love basics. Matt gets the tag which for some reason gets a very limited reaction.

And now it’s all breaking down. The double finisher hits Christian but Edge breaks it up with the bell for the DQ. Did you really expect anything else? The Dudleys come out and 3D Christian and put Edge through a table. Wait…they’re faces here??? What the heck?

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here, but they’ve had far more interesting and better matches before. They used a very basic formula here and it worked well. They beat the tar out Jeff and he sold it like a master. This was good for what it was supposed to be though, weak ending aside.

We recap Eddie vs. Jericho which is mainly over Chyna leaving Jericho for Eddie.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Jericho

Eddie is European Champion here and Jericho is IC Champion. There’s a coin toss to determine which belt is on the line. Eddie doesn’t like Europe. Chyna speaks Spanish and I understand her. Jericho gets a big old pop. It’s weird to think that these two had been in the company less than a year combined.

He was completely gold on the mic at this point as you could see how much fun he was having just being out of WCW and being the midcard champion less than 8 months in. Eddie loses and the European Title is on the line. Jericho dominates early and Eddie tries to run but his woman won’t let him. That’s kind of amusing for some reason. I love the incredible cockiness of Jericho. It’s just an awesome character trait that makes him work.

Things like the posing pin and shouting ASK HIM to the referee. I love those kind of things and they’re so simple. Eddie takes over and snaps off a perfect hurricanrana. There’s a Gory Special that neither announcer recognizes as his father’s hold, so they call it a modified abdominal stretch.

Then he hooks an inverted one. Where is Mike Tenay or even Matt Striker when you need them? You can tell there’s a lot of improvising here and it’s working quite well. Well what did you expect from two of the best ever? Both guys go over the top and Eddie may have hurt his back. Chyna hits Jericho with a DDT for two. Jericho gets the double powerbomb which is just awesome. And there’s the belt shot to Jericho to end it.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here but then again what did you expect? Jericho had a fire in him at this point and it was very clear he was having a great time out there. Jericho would drop the belt to Benoit in two days so it’s not like this went on long anyway. This was a good match though and by far the best of the night. The ending was predictable but what else did you really expect?

Shane and HHH argue about who gets to win the title and over who Vince wanted to win. Stephanie says it doesn’t matter.

We recap this whole thing as Shane wouldn’t count the pin at Backlash when Rock had the title won. Linda and the fired Earl Hebner came in and counted the three anyway so that Rock could be champion.

Rock says he’ll overcome the odds.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Shane McMahon vs. HHH

Hmm I wonder what’s going to happen. Shane hides to start and I can’t blame him for it. It’s smart if nothing else. Rock destroys them both to start us off. He even puts the crown on the head of Shane and then punches him, freaking Lawler out. This show needs to end. In a funny bit, HHH does Shane’s foot shuffle and looks like he’s about to destroy every muscle in his legs.

Rock of course dances as well to make it a threesome. Oh dear. I love JR freaking out over so many little things and saying how much they’re cheating. There just isn’t much to say about this match as there is no drama at all, which is the universal problem that comes up in all of the European shows.

Nothing major ever happens at them and this is no exception. JR says HHH needs to calm down or he’ll get thrown out of the match and then saves himself by saying that would be the referee’s discretion. HHH hooks a long chinlock as we’re killing time like it’s a colony of ants at a picnic. JR: I would say Vince is here for moral support but that would be inaccurate. Yeah I know. That’s why you just said it. Little mistakes like that crack me up.

The other two finally fight it out as we go into the old and traditional formula for these matches. Why mess with what works? Stephanie distracts the referee so Rock’s pin isn’t seen off a DDT to Shane. The referee proves to be a complete idiot by seeing Rock try to counter Shane’s Pedigree, seeing Rock counter Shane’s Pedigree, seeing Rock setting for a slingshot, seeing the slingshot being executed, and STILL managing to get crushed by it. You fail at like Chioda. You just do.

HHH pops Rock with the belt and there’s no referee. Gerald Brisco comes out as the second referee but only gets two. I think that’s what happened at least. The insurmountable odds are piling up way too high. Shane pops HHH with a chair by accident and that brings in Vince.

Rock kicks out of a Pedigree and down goes Brisco. There’s the second Pedigree. ROCK IS DONE RIGHT? It’s EARL HEBNER for the save. Let’s see that’s I believe four interferences and two weapons so far. This is perfectly reasonable right? Vince takes the Rock Bottom and Shane takes the spinebuster and elbow for the pin.

Rating: B-. Fun but WAY overbooked. This just got insane towards the end and it was nearly impossible to keep track of what was going on. I get that there has to be some interference or whatever, but DANG man do you think you did enough? Brisco could have been left out and it would have helped a lot. It was entertaining though and that’s really all that mattered. Decent enough though, but a less cluttered match would have helped a lot.

Overall Rating: D+. There have been worse European shows but this wasn’t very good at all. The main event is fun and Eddie vs. Jericho is good, but other than that there’s nothing here that hasn’t been done 1000x better on more important shows. That’s what these always come down to: it’s been done and it’s been done better. This isn’t terrible though, but there’s nothing here worth sitting down and watching.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: November 27, 2003
Location: BSU Pavilion, Boise, Idaho
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s Thanksgiving and there are some stories that are starting to pick up steam. Last week saw Chris Benoit continue his feud with Smackdown World Champion Brock Lesnar and John Cena seemed ready to start something with Vince McMahon. They have about two months before they can do anything on pay per view but maybe we can get a big TV match in there somewhere. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with most of the roster standing on the apron and Paul Heyman in the ring. Tonight the spirit of opportunity is in the air because there will be a twenty man battle royal. The winner will receive a shot at Brock Lesnar, who comes to the ring to join Heyman. Lesnar is thankful to be twenty six years old and on his way to being the greatest WWE Champion of all time.

The YOU TAPPED OUT chants get on his nerves but he swears that he’s not afraid of anyone. He’s not afraid of a Mexican jumping bean, or someone who stands 7ft tall and weighs 500lbs or a guy who has never been champion (Cena) or a guy who will never be champion (Benoit). The chants start again and Lesnar admits that he did, but he’ll never do it again. Whoever wins the battle royal is going to tap out instead. Brock whispers something to Heyman, who decides that Cena and Benoit have to qualify for the battle royal. Cena has to defeat A-Train and Benoit will face a hand picked opponent, with that match starting next.

Chris Benoit vs. Matt Morgan

This couldn’t be announced five minutes in advance? Benoit baseball slides him before the bell but Morgan goes to the basic power by throwing him into various corners. A suplex and legdrop to the stomp give Morgan two but he misses the running crotch attack to the back. The Swan Dive misses but Benoit reverses a powerbomb into the Crossface for the win.

Rating: D. Time takes another one here as there’s not much Benoit can do when all he’s able to hit are chops and the Crossface. Morgan is still very green and needs more time in developmental, but he has the look and some of the movement down. The size, power and visuals will carry him far enough though and that’s a good starting point.

Jamie Noble asks Nidia if she can’t see because she might be trying to get extra attention. Nidia mocks her for the stupid question so he shouts in her ear because he thinks being blind and deaf are the same things. He brings up her being a liability at ringside so she promises to just sit at ringside, which is enough to make him give in. Also of note: Jamie says a win tonight could get him into the battle royal so he could become WWE Champion. If he’s allowed to compete for that title, why does the Cruiserweight Title exist?

We get a weird (and stupid) bit with Cole and Tazz as CGI turkeys. It’s as dumb as it sounds.

The Cat is here tonight.

Jamie Noble vs. Akio

Nidia is on commentary. Akio jumps him from behind to start and stomps away in the corner as Nidia talks about the possibilities of getting her sight back. A suicide dive takes Akio down but Noble chases Tajiri, allowing Akio to spinwheel kick him down. We hit the pinfall reversal sequence as Nidia is getting annoyed at not being able to see any of this.

A double clothesline takes both guys down and cheers for Jamie after hearing what happened. Jamie gets two off a swinging neckbreaker but Tajiri is going over to Nidia. A superplex drops Akio as Tajiri is now standing on the table in front of her. Nidia is told what’s going on and slowly walks her hands up Tajiri’s legs, setting up one of the best looking low blows I’ve seen in a long time. Tajiri’s eyes bug out as Akio rolls up a distracted Jamie for the pin.

Rating: C-. That low blow alone made the match work and Jamie continues to be one of the most consistent performers on the roster at the moment. Even with an annoying gimmick he’s making the thing work and putting on good matches. I’d love to see him actually get the title back but that’s as far as he’s going to go, which is the annoying part of being a cruiserweight.

Heyman comes in to see the injured Shannon Moore and, after a plug for Smackdown Magazine, gives him a match with Nathan Jones.

Rey Mysterio is thankful for the fans dialing up 619 and for being alive. Well those are rather opposite ends of the spectrum.

Shannon Moore vs. Nathan Jones

Shannon tries his luck and dropkicks Jones before he can get inside. Jones lifts him from the floor to the top rope and shoves him back onto the floor in a big crash. Two raised feet in the corner rock Jones but he’s right back with a reverse slam off the top. Back in and a release gutwrench suplexes ends the slaughter. Moore’s selling continues to be good in something like this.

The Thanksgiving party took place earlier today with John Cena coming in to rap the blessing, which involves sex jokes about every woman on the roster.

Eddie Guerrero runs into Chavo, who is on crutches after last week. Chavo is going to be ringside for Eddie’s match but Eddie wants Chavo to worry about the knee. Don’t worry though, because Eddie’s success is more important.

Charlie Haas vs. Eddie Guerrero

Charlie’s right hands have very little effect to start as Eddie snaps off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. That’s enough of the back so Eddie starts in on the knee with Chavo adding in a few shots of his own. Haas gets in his own backbreaker for his own two as the fans start some solid Eddie chanting. With that not working, Charlie starts in on the arm to really change things up. Annoyed at Haas for not trying the same thing for very long, Eddie sends him head first into the buckle a few times, followed by Three Amigos. Shelton Benjamin gets on the apron so Eddie steals Chavo’s crutch to hit Charlie for the pin.

Rating: C. As has been the case for the last few weeks, this was a short match that could have gone longer but I can get the idea of putting in more stuff and going with the logical, positive development. Eddie using the crutch was pretty heelish but he’s just going to grin his way out of it, as tends to be his case.

Post match Shelton beats on Chavo so Eddie makes the save with the crutch. Chavo rips into Eddie for STEALING AN INJURED MAN’S ONLY CRUTCH. Well yeah that’s pretty low.

John Cena vs. A-Train

A-Train breaks up the rap and stomps away but misses the bicycle kick. Instead he runs Cena over and gets two off a running powerslam. It’s off to an abdominal stretch for a few moments before Cena is tossed outside. As the announcers have a discussion of whether or not turkeys have hair, the referee gets bumped so Cena can kick the rope for a low blow. The referee is back up to see a slow motion ProtoBomb but A-Train is right back with a Derailer for two. That means it’s time to be frustrated so A-Train throws some chairs in, only to walk into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. They’re doing well with the progression of Cena’s face turn here as the cheating is getting less frequent. Here, he finished clean with the FU instead of using one of the chairs that A-Train threw in. He’s starting to see the light, but he’s also getting to the point where he can win without the cheating. They’re getting there.

We recap Hardcore Holly attacking Brock Lesnar last week and getting suspended.

Hardcore Holly joins us for a live interview and says he’s appealed his suspension (To whom? Vince? The mythical board of directors?) and is coming for Brock. I would say run but….is that really a threat?

Here’s Lamont to introduce his boss: The Cat, to what would become Brodus Clay’s theme music. For those of you who don’t remember him, that would be Ernest Miller, a decent talker who couldn’t wrestle a good match 80% of the time (he wasn’t the worst but rarely got out of first gear) and danced a lot while talking like James Brown. Cat dances, no one cares, hometown girl Torrie Wilson comes out to join him, a few people care. Torrie pulls out the lollipop and puts it in her mouth before lowering it into his mouth. Cat goes into convulsions as Torrie leaves. This took nearly seven minutes.

John Cena wishes some friends and family a Happy Thanksgiving.

Battle Royal

John Cena, Chris Benoit, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, A-Train, Bradshaw, Johnny Stamboli, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, Ultimo Dragon, Orlando Jordan, Chuck Palumbo, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, Rhyno, Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, Big Show

I’m pretty sure that’s everyone. Show throws Stamboli out in two seconds and Dragon actually scores with some kicks before Show tosses him as well. Orlando is out in short order as well with the masked Basham (because the Tag Team Champions are still the slaves in an S&M gimmick) being eliminated a few seconds later.

Show actually goes after Morgan for a few seconds but Jones saves Rikishi for some reason. A bunch of people go after Show but he shoves them all away. They try it again and actually try to lift him this time, meaning the elimination works. I’m surprised they got rid of him that fast. Show clotheslines Jordan in the aisle to blow off some steam as we go to a quick break.

Back with Jones and Bradshaw having been eliminated during the commercial. Mysterio and Guerrero go at it and the fans REALLY like that one but no one is tossed. Rey hurricanranas Eddie to the apron as A-Train kicks Scotty out. Rhyno is up with a Gore to A-Train and Eddie dropkicks A-Train out, followed by Morgan eliminating Rhyno as well. There’s a 619 to Shelton as everything slows down. Rikishi is the next person to get the group elimination but takes Haas, Palumbo and Morgan with him.

We’re down to Cena, Benoit, Doug Basham, Mysterio, Guerrero and Benjamin. Cena and Benoit catch Mysterio’s springboard and toss him as well with Basham going out seconds later. The final four go to a corner each and the fans are behind Cena here. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit as Cena and Shelton fight in the corner. They trade off and Cena takes Three Amigos but isn’t ready to be eliminated.

Shelton is back up with a hard powerbomb on Eddie but Benoit grabs the rolling German suplexes on Benjamin to put everyone down. Eddie is up with a frog splash on Benjamin but walks into the FU. Now the rolling German suplexes drops Cena so Shelton pops up with a superkick to Benoit. Shelton throws Benoit over but a little skinning the cat allows Benoit to pull himself up for a headscissors to get rid of Benjamin.

Cena dumps Eddie and we’re down to two. The slugout goes to Cena but Benoit grabs the Crossface to make Cena tap (you don’t see that too often). Instead of dumping him though, Benoit drops Cena ribs first onto the top rope. They fight onto the apron and fall to the floor at the same time for the double elimination.

Rating: C+. This got way better once we got to the final four when there was some drama about the winner. They didn’t waste time getting rid of a bunch of the dead weight here and it was cool to see Shelton getting a bit of a push. Cena is clearly the future around here though and that makes thing more interesting. Good match here and it didn’t feel long at all, which is a rarity in battle royals.

The referees, wrestlers and announcers argue as Lesnar and Heyman come out for the title match. Back from a break with replays showing that they really do land at the same time. The referees still don’t agree and both wrestlers swear they win. Heyman thinks that means a triple threat but that wouldn’t be in the best interest of the title. Therefore, Cena and Benoit can fight next week and the winner will get the title shot later that night. So there’s your non-pay per view big TV show of the month. Team Lesnar runs in to beat down Cena and Benoit with Lesnar wishing them a happy Thanksgiving to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Lame ending aside with the lack of the advertised title match, it’s cool to have a show that actually has an interesting goal and then focuses on that goal for two hours. Most of the matches have to do with setting up the battle royal and you can feel Cena and Benoit getting bigger and bigger every week. There’s a lot of potential in there and if they do it right, Smackdown could be a heck of a show again in very short order.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: November 20, 2003
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past Survivor Series and that means a few months of calm as Smackdown doesn’t have a pay per view until January and it’s own show isn’t until February. There are several ways to go with the World Title hunt at the moment but Chris Benoit, who made Brock Lesnar tap out on Sunday, should be the likely next challenger. Let’s get to it.

Here’s a very banged up Vince McMahon, accompanied by Sable, to get things going. Vince can barely breathe once he gets in and says he almost died. He was pummeled and bleeding from various places to the point that he had to have a transfusion. Undertaker “practically pummeled his privates” and Sable had to relieve the pain with a massage. Then Undertaker shattered his ankle and hit him in the head with a shovel.

After all that they went to the grave but Vince never lost faith. The higher power sent an avenging angel in the form of Kane and Vince was saved. Kane will be here tonight for Undertaker’s eulogy and Vince has never felt more powerful. He feels invincible and untouchable….and here’s John Cena.

Vince is confused and Cena accuses him of stealing his catchphrases. Maybe Vince just has nothing to touch. We could ask Sable, who is just here for the money. When Vince is gone, she comes to tickle Cena’s funny bone. Vince is standing in his ring so Cena offers to stretch him. Oh and Sable is good for one thing: she taught Vince how to suck. Funny stuff, and it’s nice to see Cena getting a rub like this.

Brock Lesnar yells at his Survivor Series team, blaming them for the loss. They’re the reasons he tapped out to Chris Benoit and THEY MADE THE FANS CHANT YOU TAPPED OUT! He’s the WWE Champion and that shouldn’t happen to him. He’ll be getting respect and tonight, the team will be facing the members of Team Angle tonight. Lesnar gives them all individual pep talks and wants them out of his face because they disgust him.

Rey Mysterio vs. Akio

Tajiri and Sakoda only come to the entrance so Akio is here alone. Rey slugs away to start but gets dropped by a hard shoulder from the bigger Akio. A tilt-a-whirl headscissors works a bit better for Mysterio so Akio takes him down and pulls on the arms while putting his foot on Rey’s head. One heck of a clothesline turns Rey inside out for two and we hit the neck crank.

For some reason Akio goes up top but gets crotched down, which Cole thinks might be a turning point. You mean because control turned on a point Cole? Rey gets two off a tornado DDT but gets kicked in the face. Akio’s corkscrew moonsault misses though and it’s the 619 to set up the West Coast Pop for the pin.

Rating: C. This was getting going when they wrapped it up. Mysterio beating one of Tajiri’s goons should move him closer to a Cruiserweight Title shot, which would be a nice story for everyone involved. Tajiri is starting to get some traction so eventually losing the title to Mysterio would work well. As usual, having goons around is a great way to extend a feud like this.

Paul Heyman is looking for Shannon Moore but finds the Bashams chained up with a ball gag in Danny’s mouth as Shaniqua whips them. CHAMPIONS ladies and gentlemen. Shaniqua says they’re celebrating and the Bashams seem very pleased but Shannon comes in to save us all. Heyman is ready to make Shannon a star and he has a match next. His opponent: Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan vs. Shannon Moore

Shannon slaps him in the face and hammers away to start, earning a heck of a faceplant. Matt chokes in the corner and hits a hard slam, only to have Shannon kick him in the head. Morgan throws him around even more, including a one handed toss over the top, giving us one of Shannon’s great bumps. Back in and Matt pulls him up at two, followed by a spinning sitout powerbomb to complete the destruction.

Ad for Smackdown, showing nothing but the women in various stages of undress. I’ve heard of worse advertising campaigns, but this feels so out there compared to today’s family friendly stuff.

A-Train vs. Bradshaw

Rematch from last week because of reasons. The brawl is on in the aisle before the bell, meaning we’re officially getting a bonus. They get inside with Bradshaw pounding on the back and in the corner until A-Train knocks him down and gets two off a splash. Bradshaw gets a horrible looking DDT (A-Train fell to the side) and they’re both down. A-Train is sent outside and it’s a Derailer on the floor to knock Bradshaw silly. That’s only good for two back inside and Bradshaw gets the same off a small package. A-Train’s Vader Bomb hits a raised boot and a bicycle kick blocks the Clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D. Who in the world was asking for this to be a trilogy? They had two matches and Bradshaw pinned A-Train on Sunday. Other than Hardcore Holly, it’s not like you can get much lower on the Angle team than Bradshaw so why would I want to see him fight over and over? Not the worst match but some of the least interest I can imagine having.

Nathan Jones vs. Chris Benoit

Brock Lesnar is with Jones. Benoit goes straight for the knee but gets shoved outside for his efforts. Back in and Jones gets low bridged to the floor because Jones may be strong but Benoit is smart. Lesnar throws him back in and Jones doesn’t disappoint him by grabbing a powerslam. A chinlock is somewhat more disappointing but a spinning side slam gets two.

It’s already back to the chinlock (try a neck crank next time) until Benoit fights up and avoids a running big boot. The rolling German suplexes set up a missile dropkick (pretty rare for Benoit) but the Swan Dive only hits mat. Benoit slips out of a gorilla press, slaps on the Crossface, takes Lesnar out, grabs the Crossface again and gets the tap.

Rating: D+. Benoit was trying here and Jones could have been worse, but it’s clear that he’s not ready for this spot no matter how much WWE is obsessed with his look. Thankfully it looks like they’re setting up Benoit vs. Lesnar, likely in the big TV show when they don’t have a pay per view in December, so at least we have something to look forward to.

Post match Lesnar goes after Benoit but Hardcore Holly runs in and puts on the dreaded full nelson until Heyman and security come out to have Holly arrested. Oh and he’s indefinitely suspended too. As I said before the pay per view: I still don’t know why WWE thinks people care about Holly.

Here’s Kane to eulogize Undertaker. Kane talks about how the man we knew as Undertaker has been dead for a long time. They used to be monsters together and strike fear into the hearts of mortal men. Then Undertaker betrayed his family by having compassion and defended Stephanie (add this to the list of stories she’s driving without being here).

A monster isn’t supposed to have weaknesses and Undertaker is a fraud. The people cheering for him are true to their nature, unlike Undertaker who was dead before Survivor Series. All Kane can say to him is rest in peace. That’s the start of a long term story if I’ve ever heard one.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending after successfully doing so this Sunday on Heat. The referee throws Akio and Sakoda out so this is going to be one on one. Jamie wastes no time in chopping away as the announcers recap Tajiri blinding Nidia. Noble gets sent outside and walks back in for a spinning kick to the shoulder.

We hit the armbar for a bit until Tajiri kicks him in the arm again to cut off the comeback. La majistral gets two on the champ so he kicks Noble in the head to slow him down again. Another kick to the head gets two but the Buzzsaw kick misses. Noble’s tiger bomb gets two as Tajiri gets his foot on the ropes. Cue the blind Nidia for an accidental distraction, allowing Tajiri to grab a rollup (with jeans) to retain.

Rating: C. Can we please let these two have about ten minutes for once? If you add up both of their matches, they don’t even have nine minutes total. They have chemistry but you can’t get much out there in less than five minutes, especially with the ending being angle advancement. That being said, there’s a good chance this is it for Jamie as he’s lost twice in a row now and seems to be moving on to something else. Unfortunately, that something else is likely not going to get him much TV time.

The World’s Greatest Tag Team wants to get their hands on Los Guerreros and put them on the shelf, just like Eddie and Chavo did to them. Haas: “What he said.”

Los Guerreros vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The brawl is on in a hurry with Chavo dropkicking Shelton down. That’s it for Los Guerreros to start as Shelton goes for Chavo’s knee and takes over early on. Haas comes in and grabs a Boston crab for a few seconds before it’s back to Shelton for more knee work. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie is right there to rake his boot over Haas’ eyes for the break. That’s enough for the hot tag to Eddie and things speed up in a hurry. Shelton gets monkey flipped into Haas and a rope walk hurricanrana drops Charlie again. Chavo tornado DDTs Benjamin and springboards into a bulldog on Haas, setting up a frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C. Another match that could have been better with more time but I’ll take what I can get. At least what we had was good while it lasted and it’s nice to see Eddie getting a win for a change. It’s pretty clear that there’s something big coming between he and Chavo and I’m all for that, especially if it goes somewhere bigger for Eddie.

Post match Haas and Benjamin clean house and wreck Chavo’s knee, including wrapping a chair around it and putting on the Haas of Pain. Eddie makes the save with another chair but Chavo wants to know what’s going on.

The Cat got a key to Boise, Idaho in a really badly scripted segment. He debuts next week. Back in the arena, Cole dances to Cat’s music.

Chavo is still yelling at Eddie and blames him for everything while getting treatment for his knee. Eddie leaves and Chavo yells at the trainer, saying it’s time to rely on his real friends.

Vince gives Big Show a pep talk.

Big Show vs. John Cena

Non-title because Big Show is holding the title hostage. Cena starts fast with a baseball slide but walks into a hard clothesline to cut him down. That’s enough for Cole to compare Show’s hand to a frying pan because that’s what he does every time Show chops someone. A big clubbing forearm to the back has Cena in early trouble and Show pulls on his face. Cena gets tossed around the ring, leaving him down so Show can stand on his head.

Cena gets in a dropkick and avoids a big boot to crotch Show on top. The Throwback gets two and Cena grabs a chair…..as a decoy so he can kick Show low. Well to be fair he was still a heel like two weeks ago. That doesn’t seem to have much effort so Show hammers on Cena in the corner. The chain to the head rocks Show again but Cena collapses in an FU attempt. They head outside with Show loading up the announcers’ table, only to drive Cena back first into the post instead.

Back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Show to grab the steps. He lifts them above his head in the fashion only done for the sake of having Cena kick his knee out and send him face first into said steps. Another shot with the steps is good for the pin, counted by another referee who was paying enough attention to see that a referee was needed but not enough to see the steps shot that set up the cover.

Rating: C-. This was a little too weapons based for me and, again, another instance of Big Show not really doing anything worthy of being US Champion other than being tall. I mean, I know that’s about all there is to him a lot of the time but that’s WWE for you. Cena is still shaking off the heel mannerisms and that might take some time but the fans want to cheer for him, which WWE is at least acknowledging.

Overall Rating: C+. There was a story going on throughout the show and that’s always better than throwing a bunch of stuff out there and hoping for the best. We’re heading for Cena vs. Vince/whomever he picks to fight for him and Lesnar vs. Benoit (and eventually Holly) so we have to get through the good before we get to the bad. This show was mainly wrestling focused so at least they’re moving in the right direction in certain ways.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

There really was no other option for the location of the twentieth Wrestlemania. Even though it’s a much smaller venues than the stadiums they had been running, there’s something about this place that makes the show feel special. It’s the world’s most famous arena in the company’s old hometown. You just don’t get any better than that. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful.

Vince McMahon walks into a dark room and a voiceover takes us into a history of Wrestlemania. I know Vince gets some flack and a lot of it is deserved, but there is no one else who should have opened this show. Again, this year’s video treats the show like the most important event of the year and so far ahead of anything else in wrestling. The tagline is “Where it all begins again” and the camera goes back to Vince, who is standing next to Shane and holding his first grandchild. That’s a very cool idea and brought a smile to my face.

The entrance is on the left of the ring but there’s a video screen opposite the hard camera showing the current match. There did need to be something there, for old times’ sake if nothing else.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

And so it begins. Cena is challenging here and is still the rapper, meaning he’s one of the most popular acts on the roster. He calls Show a monkey and thinks his match is against a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. The fans are more than willing to chant Big Show sucks. It’s so strange to see Cena this popular in New York. To show you how worthless the title was to Big Show, he won the belt on October 19, 2003. This is his third televised title defense.

Cena sticks and moves to start but Show throws him to the floor with ease. Still mostly uneducated, Cena tries to come back in with a high cross body and gets powerslammed to teach him a lesson. Cole describes a headbutt from Show as being hit in the head with a typewriter. Are there a lot of reports of being hit in the head with typewriters and comparisons to headbutts from large wrestlers?

Show superkicks him down and easily breaks up a sleeper attempt. Off to a cobra clutch from the champ but Cena powers up and hits a quick FU (later known as the Attitude Adjustment) for two. Cena is STUNNED so he grabs his chain for a right hand to the head. It’s just a ruse though as the referee stops him, allowing Cena to grab his brass knuckles to knock Show silly and hit another FU for the pin and the title at 9:17.

Rating: C-. The crowd reactions help this one a lot but they’re more interesting due to how loathed Cena would be in the coming years. Cena’s power wasn’t on full display here though the FU’s looked good. This was a return to form for the opening match as the fans were dying to see Cena get pushed and loved to see him take the title from Show who was wasting the title for months.

Coach is talking to various people on his way to Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff’s dressing room. Bischoff gives Coach the job of finding Undertaker, who is a Smackdown guy. Undertaker hadn’t been seen in months after Kane buried him alive, but the rumor is that he’s coming back as the Dead Man for the first time since 1999.

Evolution (Randy Orton, Ric Flair and Batista. Leader HHH is busy tonight.) talks about how it all begins again here. Orton can’t wait to break Mick Foley again. This is the part of a ten month feud where Foley was scared of losing his legacy at the hands of the legend killer Orton. He walked away multiple times but returned at the Royal Rumble to attack Orton.

The rest of Evolution beat the tar out of Foley in February and it was clear he needed help. With no one else to turn to, Foley made a call to Hollywood and the Rock came running (literally) to help his old buddy. Orton says it’s his time now and he’ll kill some legends tonight. Randy looked like a pure star here and instantly had that IT factor that you can’t teach. I completely see the potential they saw here and it’s hard to argue against charisma like that.

Raw Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Rob Van Dam/Booker T.

Van Dam and Booker are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Unfortunately the champions have a combined version of their theme music and it really, really doesn’t work. La Resistance (Rob Conway and Rene Dupree) are evil Frenchman (well Rene is while Conway is a sympathizer) and Cade/Jindrak are your run of the mill young muscular heels. Dupree and Van Dam get things going with the champ throwing the villain around. Rene gets catapulted into a kick from Booker and Conway’s save attempt goes bad. It’s off to Bubba as the fans already want tables.

Bubba tries a little Flip Flop and Fly but gets kick in the face for his troubles. Van Dam adds one to D-Von and we settle down to Jindrak beating on Booker. Dupree tags himself in and La Resistance takes over with stomps and a bow and arrow from Conway. After far too long in the hold, Booker gets up and grabs a spinebuster, allowing the tag to Van Dam. House is quickly cleaned as everything breaks down. Cade breaks up 3D on Booker but Booker nails the scissors kick on Conway, followed by the Five Star to retain at 7:57.

Rating: D. This was a good example of everything that was wrong with the division at this point. You could have cut out at least one of these teams to make the match a lot more entertaining as well as coherent. Did anyone really want to see Jindrak and Cade in here? Jindrak was amazingly athletic but I didn’t need to see him in a title match at Wrestlemania.

Coach is going to find Undertaker and hears strange noises and banging coming from a closet. He opens the door and finds…..Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund trying to get their clothes back on. Heenan: “No it’s not what you think!” They were playing poker you see. The door opens again and Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young drag the guys back in. Coach walks away in a daze. JR: “Oh lord.”

We recap Christian vs. Chris Jericho. This was an awesome story as the two were tag partners who made a bet over who could “nail” Lita or Trish respectfully for $1 Canadian. Lita dropped out of the story pretty quickly but Jericho started to actually fall for Trish. She started to have feelings for Jericho too but Christian hated the fact that she was breaking up the team. Christian beat her up in an intergender match to teach Jericho (a full on good guy by now) a lesson. This started a feud between the two and the big showdown is at Wrestlemania.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

The aggressive Jericho controls to start and backdrops Christian from the apron out to the floor in a unique spot. A springboard plancha puts Christian down but he comes right back with something like a belly to back suplex to send Chris out to the floor in a huge crash. A chinlock keeps Jericho down for a bit before they ram heads to keep him down even longer.

Jericho keeps calling him a CLB (creepy little bastard) to get on Christian’s nerves, followed by an enziguri for two. A pinfall reversal sequence goes how most pinfall reversal sequences go before Christian hits a reverse tornado DDT for two of his own. Christian heads up top and breaks up Chris’ superplex attempt by just throwing him face first onto the mat. Jericho might have tweaked his knee so Christian gets smart by putting on a Texas Cloverleaf. I could go for someone using that as a finisher or even a big time hold.

Jericho counters into the Walls though and holds on even as Christian crawls through the ropes to the floor. This brings Trish out to ringside as Christian plants Jericho with a DDT. Trish gets up on the apron so Christian drags her in. Jericho goes over to check on her and gets elbowed in the face by mistake, knocking Jericho into a rollup for the pin at 14:56.

Rating: B-. Fun match here but this was much more about the story than the action. This story worked really well all around and everyone comes out of it looking better, mainly because they took their time and let the story build instead of wedging it into a month and then doing one match followed by a gimmick rematch. It makes for a better story and the whole thing works.

Post match Jericho goes after Christian again but Trish holds him back, only to slap him into the Unprettier. Trish and Christian leave together and kiss on the stage. This gives us evil Trish which, in a word, worked.

Mick Foley says this is the biggest night in the history of wrestling in Madison Square Garden so yes he is overcome. Rock comes in to say let the emotion go because FINALLY the Rock has come back to New York City. After telling Lillian Garcia that the people’s package buffet is closed, Rock hijacks a cameraman to see Hurricane and Rosey (the Superhero In Training), Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco and of course the people themselves as the camera goes into the arena for a second. It’s time to electrify.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Orton/Flair/Batista here. This is Rock’s first match in a nearly a year and Foley’s first match since Wrestlemania XVI. Orton is Intercontinental Champion. Rock and Foley clear out all three and it’s Flair vs. Rock to start. The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here as Flair is a heel but this is New York. They go for Rock to start as he takes over early with right hands and backdrops both in and out of the ring.

Foley dives off the apron with the elbow drop and you can tell this is going to be a hot one. Orton gets the tag so Foley comes in, sending Randy bailing to the outside. Why you would go outside against the hardcore legend isn’t clear and Foley takes over as you would expect. Mick ties him in the Tree of Woe and hands it off to Rock for what looked like a low blow. Batista low bridges Rock to the floor and drops him on the barricade to give Evolution their first advantage.

Now Flair’s chops have an effect and the strut is loudly cheered. Rock clotheslines Ric down though and is booed for the fourth straight year at Wrestlemania. Batista takes a clothesline as well and it’s back to Mick for the knee lift. Foley pounds away in the corner but Batista hits his big clothesline (a secondary finisher a few months earlier) to knock Foley outside again.

We get Mick’s double knees to the steps bump and now Orton is willing to come in. After a few cheap shots from Randy it’s back to Batista who has to be saved from the Mandible Claw. Flair again and the fans welcome him back with open arms. Ric takes a forearm to the head though and the tag brings in Rock to face Orton. Rock tries to fight three on one but walks into a spinebuster from Batista.

It’s back to Flair…..who loads up the People’s Elbow, complete with strut of course. It takes too long though and Rock nips up. Right hands and a spinebuster set up the original People’s Elbow, again complete with strut. The Rock Bottom plants Orton but Flair pulls Rock to the floor. A Batista Bomb gives Randy two and the hot tag brings in Foley to clean house. It’s Socko time but Orton grabs a quick RKO out of nowhere for the pin at 17:09. Foley is shocked at the fall, which puts Orton over even more.

Rating: B. This was great fun with Rock and Flair being the hams that only they can be. They knew they were in the big arena for the smart fans and they played right to them. The real star here though was Foley, who made Orton look like a star here, just as he was supposed to do. They would do that again the next month at Backlash in their big showdown where Foley put Orton over and made him look like a star. Orton would be World Champion in August and these two matches played a big role in getting him there.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony, which made its return after an eight year absence. The line of the night came from Bobby Heenan. After thanking everyone: “One thing is missing. I wish Monsoon was here.” That gets me every time.

The Class of 2004 is brought out for the audience and each gets an introduction: Bobby Heenan (playing to the crowd the entire way through), Tito Santana, Big John Studd (represented by his son), Harley Race (the fans start cheering before Gene can start talking), Pete Rose (celebrity induction and said to be incredibly humble and thankful for the honor), Don Muraco, Greg Valentine (much bigger reaction than I was expecting), Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter), Billy Graham (loudest ovation of the group in a bit of a surprise), Sgt. Slaughter (USA chant) and Jesse Ventura.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

This is a Playboy evening gown match which means you have to strip your opponents to win. Sable and Wilson had done a Playboy pictorial together but Jackie (Jackie Gayda from Tough Enough, not Jacqueline) and Stacy thought they should have been featured instead. Sable wants to just have the match without the gowns but Jackie won’t follow suit, only to be stripped by her opponents.

Jackie and Sable start and it’s quickly off to Torrie for a high cross body. Stacy comes in for a pinfall reversal sequence to show off the camera shots. We get the trademark rolling over the referee spot as Cole and Tazz are (rightfully) treating this as a huge joke. Torrie rolls Jackie up for the pin at 2:41.

Clips of fans coming from around the world to see Wrestlemania.

Eddie tells Benoit that he’s proud of him no matter what. Benoit needs the fire in his eyes though and Eddie finally gets it out of him, drawing a big smile.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

This is a gauntlet match with Chavo Guerrero (with his father Chavo Sr.) defending and going in last at #10. Shannon Moore and Ultimo Dragon (a Japanese legend who trips twice during his entrance) start things off fast with some near falls until Shannon scores with a belly to back suplex. Dragon avoids a corkscrew moonsault press and grabs the Asai DDT (kind of a standing sliced bread #2) for the pin at 1:17.

Jamie Noble (a country redneck) is in at #3 and blasts Dragon from behind, only to take some rapid fire kicks to the chest. Noble comes right back with a guillotine choke for a submission at 2:15. Funaki comes in at #4 with a high cross body but Noble rolls through into a pin at 2:23. Nunzio (a stereotypical Italian) is in at #5 and lasts a bit better as the fans want their pizza. A quick rollup gets two on Noble and Nunzio gets the same off a middle rope dropkick.

Jamie sends him outside and hits a big flip dive from the top for a countout at 4:15. Billy Kidman (a talented guy without much of a gimmick) is in at #6 but Nunzio is still at ringside and pulls Noble to the floor. That’s fine with Kidman who hits a top rope shooting star (barely rotating enough and nearly breaking his neck) to take everyone down. Back in and Noble’s guillotine doesn’t work very well so Kidman goes up top and BK Bombs (sitout spinebuster) Noble for the pin at 6:06.

Rey Mysterio (dressed as the Flash this year) is in at #7 and dropkicks Kidman to the floor, only to come back in with a Sky High for two. Kidman takes him up top but gets caught in a sunset bomb for the pin at 7:26. Tajiri (a Japanese wrestler with some of the hardest kicks you’ll ever see) is in at #8 and quickly takes the 619.

The West Coast Pop is blocked though and Tajiri sprays the Asian mist, only to hit his partner Akio by mistake. Rey rolls Tajiri up for the pin at 8:36. Akio can’t go because of the mist so Chavo is in for the final match against Mysterio. A springboard hurricanrana takes Chavo down and Rey takes out Chavo Sr. for good measure. Back in and Chavo counters a sunset flip and gets the pin with help from his dad at 10:26.

Rating: D. I can’t stand matches like this one as they completely stretch the suspension of disbelief. Most regular matches take at least a few minutes but we just had eight falls and only one of them came close to two minutes. If I’m a casual fan, the only thing I know about any of these people is that Chavo cheats to retain his title. This went by way too fast and really should have just been Chavo vs. Mysterio.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar in an interpromotional match. Goldberg and Lesnar had words at the 2004 Royal Rumble and Brock attacked Goldberg in the Rumble itself, leading to his elimination. Steve Austin then gave Goldberg a ticket to Lesnar’s title defense against Eddie at No Way Out 2004, where Goldberg of course cost him the title. Lesnar stole Austin’s ATV and Austin beat him up on Smackdown to get it back.

This set up a showdown here with Austin as guest referee to try to hold things together. The problem is word leaked that both guys were leaving as soon as Wrestlemania was over and the fans all knew about it. This could go bad in a hurry, especially in the smarkiest of all smark strongholds.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Austin is guest referee. The YOU SOLD OUT chants begin and there’s no contact in the first thirty seconds. Austin tells them to go but they stare at each other for the first minute. The fans sing the Goodbye Song and Goldberg swears at Lesnar a lot. Nothing in the first ninety seconds. Make that two minutes. The fans chant for Austin as he stares at Goldberg.

They FINALLY lock up at 2:46 as JR brags about Goldberg being a mixed martial arts aficionado. The lockup lasts about forty five seconds and then they stare at each other even more. We’re four minute into this now and the only contact has been that lockup. Another lockup goes twenty eight seconds before they break. The fans are loudly and rightfully booing now. At the five minute mark, Lesnar grabs a headlock. They trade shoulders and stare each other down again.

Another big shoulder apiece puts both guys down as we hit six minutes. Brock gets in the first strike with a kick to the ribs at just under seven minutes. A gorilla press into a spinebuster drops Lesnar but Goldberg misses a spear in the corner. The fans are all over Goldberg now as Brock hits two straight suplexes.

Off to a side choke from Brock to eat up time before they have the nerve to do a double clothesline. Goldberg comes back with more clotheslines and a neckbreaker, followed by a spear for two. Austin and Goldberg argue a bit and Brock grabs an F5 for two. Back up and Goldberg hits a big spear but is booed out of the building. The Jackhammer ends Lesnar at 13:48.

Rating: F. As much of an embarrassment as this was, it took some guts to go out there in MSG and do this on the biggest show of the year. I don’t want to imagine how bad this would have been had Austin, who was innocent in this whole mess, not been there to keep it as coherent as he did. This was barely a match but it was certainly something interesting to see, as unfair as it was to the fans.

Lesnar throws up two middle fingers (which he later said were to Vince and not the fans) and gets Stunned. Austin throws Goldberg a beer, then throws him two more after he drops the first one. Goldberg is booed out of the building and takes a Stunner, followed by Austin consuming a lot of beer.

Wrestlemania XXI is in Los Angeles.

Fireworks go off from the roof of Madison Square Garden.

Vince McMahon comes out to thank the fans for making Wrestlemania what it is on behalf of everyone who has ever performed for him and his entire family. Nothing else said here but this was a very nice moment.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA vs. Too Cool

One fall to a finish. Too Cool (Scotty and Rikishi) are defending. The World’s Greatest Tag Team was known as Team Angle. The Bashams (Doug and Danny) are two guys who looked a lot alike and were some of the biggest stars in Ohio Valley Wrestling history (then developmental), yet for some reason they only had a forgettable tag run before they were out of the company.

Bradshaw and Benjamin start things off with Bradshaw shoving him around, only to have Danny Basham come in for an atomic drop. Haas and Benjamin take over on Danny but he sneaks away to make the tag to Scotty. That means it’s time for some dancing until Haas hangs Scotty over the top rope so Shelton can dive onto Scotty’s back.

Charlie slaps on a bearhug before it’s off to the Bashams for a double suplex into a double nipup. Scotty flips out of a suplex and dives into the corner for the hot tag to Rikishi, who has gone from a comedy goof to someone treated as a moderate legend for reasons I don’t quite understand. Everything breaks down and Bradshaw charges into a Samoan drop. Rikishi sits on Danny’s chest to retain at 6:05.

Rating: D. This was the same as the Raw Tag Team Title match earlier and that’s not a good thing. After the previous few matches, this really wasn’t a good choice to go with here and feels like they’re just dragging the show on even longer. The match isn’t terrible or anything but again it shows how weak the tag divisions (yes both of them) are at this point. Merging them together would have been a great idea but we were years away from that.

The champs dance a bit.

Edge is returning from his neck surgery soon.

Here’s Jesse Ventura to do an interview because this show hasn’t drawn out long enough. His interviewee tonight: Donald Trump. Donald talks about how awesome Vince is and pledges his financial support to Jesse if he gets back into politics. That would be a very, very different interview if it happened today. Another waste of a few minutes to drag this show out even longer.

Molly Holly is ready for her title shot.

JR and Lawler talk about tomorrow’s Raw a bit.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and this is title vs. hair. Feeling out process to start with Molly taking over in the corner, only to be sent out to the floor. Back in and a quick basement dropkick gets two on the champ and we hit a neck crank. A powerslam gets two for Victoria but Lawler keeps trying to talk about the evening gown match. Molly mostly powerbombs Victoria out of the corner for two but a quick backslide retains the title at 4:56.

Rating: C-. This needed more time as they were flying through the match because they only had five minutes instead of a realistic length. If only there was some other stuff they could have cut out from the show that meant absolutely nothing and just ate up parts of the show. These two were both very talented women and they could have a good match if they were given the chance.

Victoria chases Molly up the ramp and ties her into the barber’s chair for the head shaving. Allegedly that was the only way Molly could get on the show and she couldn’t sign up fast enough.

We recap Angle vs. Guerrero. Eddie won the title about a month ago but Angle attacked him soon after. Angle didn’t think Eddie was a good enough role model for the WWE due to his past drug issues. Eventually Eddie agreed to face Smackdown General Manager Paul Heyman with his hands cuffed behind his back. Naturally this brought out Angle for a beating to really light a fire under Eddie, setting up this match.

After the long video, Molly is still being shaved and is completely bald. The fans are impressed.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Eddie is defending of course and rides out in a low rider truck. They hit the mat to start with Eddie hanging with Angle at first until Kurt grabs a headlock. A top wristlock goes well for Angle and he shoulders Eddie down for good measure. Back up and Eddie nails a hard shoulder of his own but is still feeling the effects of the arm work.

Angle easily regains control on the mat with some movement so fast that Tazz can’t even call before Angle is off to the next position. A front facelock keeps Eddie down but he reverses a suplex into an armbar of his own. That’s not cool with Angle so he gets up and grabs an abdominal stretch but the champ is right back with the Three Amigos but Angle counters into the Rolling Germans.

Eddie gets to the apron though and has to hang on tight so Kurt can’t German him out onto the floor. Instead the champ knocks Kurt to the floor but misses a top rope dive, landing ribs fist against the barricade. Kurt is smart enough to stay on the ribs as he drops them across the top rope, followed by the belly to bellys. Off to a smart bearhug but Eddie pokes him in the neck (that’s a new one) for the break.

Eddie goes up top so Kurt tries to run the buckles, only to get shoved back down. The frog splash misses though and Eddie is in trouble again. Cole is AGHAST that Kurt is throwing punches to a staggered Eddie. Guerrero tells him to bring it on so Kurt tries to roll the Germans, only to get caught in a rollup for two. A dropkick looks to set up the frog splash but Kurt is like “boy you’re getting superplexed” and the corner run works this time around.

The ankle lock is reversed and the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT. Eddie finally hits the frog splash but it’s only good for two. There’s the ankle lock again but Eddie rolls him out to the floor. With Kurt down, Eddie unlaces his boot. Angle looks up from the floor and you can see Eddie panic. The ankle lock goes on again and the boot comes off. Angle has to figure out what just happened and then charges right into a small package (with Guerrero’s feet in the ropes because he has to cheat) to retain Eddie’s title at 21:04.

Rating: A. Outstanding match here with a very creative ending. These are two guys who need almost no instruction as they’re both so good that they can do whatever you ask of them and never expect anything less than greatness. The ending makes perfect sense too as Angle is all about polish and playing by the rules but Eddie changed how they were playing out there and caught Angle off his guard. Smart stuff, as Angle controlled when it was fair so Eddie cheated to retain, yet was somehow praised for it. Funny how that works sometimes.

Angle is FURIOUS.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Kane hated Undertaker for abandoning the dark side and becoming the biker so Kane helped Vince bury Undertaker alive at Survivor Series 2003. This brought back the Undertaker Kane wanted, but this Undertaker wanted revenge for being buried alive. People tend to do that at times.

Kane vs. Undertaker

Kane has a cool entrance where the set, which looks like the New York skyline, starts to burn as well. This is of course trumped by the return of Paul Bearer and the torch bearing druids. Undertaker debuts his singlet top look here which he would use for the rest of his career. His hair is still above his shoulders though so it’s a work in progress. Kane insists that Undertaker isn’t real and looks like he’s about to cry. He reaches out to see if he can touch Undertaker and gets punched in the jaw for it.

The threat of a chokeslam sends Kane out to the floor and Undertaker whips him into the apron. The apron legdrop keeps Kane in trouble but he counters the Last Ride with a backdrop. Unfortunately he doesn’t quite have his placement right and Undertaker has to put his hands out to keep himself from slamming face first into the ropes.

The top rope clothesline connects but Undertaker grabs him by the throat. Kane escapes but misses a charge in the corner to set up Old School. It still doesn’t work at Wrestlemania though and Kane catches him by the throat for the chokeslam, causing him to celebrate early. Undertaker sits up and the fans know what’s coming. Kane tries a kick to the face and Undertaker gives him a look that makes Kane want to cry again. The jumping clothesline, a chokeslam where Undertaker loses the grip and the Tombstone make Undertaker 12-0 at 6:56.

Rating: D+. What did you think was going to happen here? This was a long way of saying the old Undertaker is back and that was best for everyone as the biker was long past it’s shelf life. It would take a LONG time to figure out how to use Undertaker again and it would be a rough year, but once they figured out the formula, Undertaker was gold all over again.

Side note: so was that stuff with Bischoff sending Coach to find Undertaker just to set up the Heenan/Okerlund bit? Sounds like a bit of overkill.

Backlash ad.

We recap the main event. HHH and Shawn Michaels had continued their never ending feud at the Royal Rumble where they tied in a last man standing match. Shawn said he needed one more shot and wanted it at Wrestlemania. That’s not how it works though because Chris Benoit had won the Royal Rumble and jumped to Raw for the title shot. Shawn didn’t accept this and superkicked Benoit before signing the contract himself (because that’s how contracts work). Austin, the co-boss of Raw at the time, make it a triple threat. There was really no reason for Shawn to be in this match and it really should have been one on one.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit vs. HHH

HHH is defending and has big white boots for some reason this year. We get an old school weapons check and the fans are entirely behind Benoit. Benoit and Shawn fight over who gets to beat up HHH until Benoit tries a Crossface. HHH takes a breather on the floor until both guys are down for a bit and now it’s time to go after the challengers.

Shawn skins the cat and goes back to hammering on HHH. The high knee gets two for the champ but he has to knock Benoit back to the floor. Shawn baseball slides Benoit into HHH and takes them both down again with a moonsault press. All three get back in and Benoit has to break up a Pedigree to Shawn. Michaels is sent shoulder first into the post but the champ ties Benoit in the Tree of Woe and whips Shawn hard into him. It’s already time for the forearm and nipup but Benoit is ready for him and sends Shawn out to the floor.

The champ gets rolled with some Germans but Shawn crotches Benoit on top. Sweet Chin Music misses the champ and Shawn gets caught in a DDT. That earns HHH a Crossface until Shawn makes the save. Shawn actually tries a German on Benoit and the fans ROAR when Benoit reverses into a trio of them. The Swan Dive gets two on Shawn and all three are down. Benoit is knocked to the floor so we can get the Shawn vs. HHH quota out of the way. Sweet Chin Music is good for two with Benoit making a last second save.

All three head outside and you can hear the impending sounds of tables cracking. It’s back inside first though and Benoit is catapulted into the post to bust him open. The Crossface goes on again but HHH grabs the hand to stop the tap. They go outside again with Benoit’s shoulder meeting the steps and now it’s announcers’ table time. A double suplex puts Benoit through the table and Shawn’s blood is all over his chest.

So it’s HHH vs. Shawn again, which JR calls ten years in the making, even if HHH hasn’t worked here for nine years yet. JR is screaming for an EMT for Benoit as a cameraman gets taken out. HHH is whipped into the steps and the fans pick Shawn of their remaining options. The champion is busted too but a quick Pedigree puts both guys down. Somehow Benoit saves Shawn again before Michaels falls to the floor.

Benoit puts HHH in a Sharpshooter and pulls him back to the middle of the ring until Shawn superkicks Benoit down. JR’s voice is going quickly as all three are down again. Benoit dumps Shawn to the floor and counters the Pedigree into the Crossface. HHH is almost out but he kicks backwards, only to have Benoit hold on and crank back on it right in the middle of the ring for the submission and the title at 24:07.

Rating: A+. Do you really have to ask here? This is the best triple threat match of all time with all three guys doing exactly what they needed to do as well as they could do it. It was really hard to believe that Benoit wasn’t going to win in the end but they came as close as they could have to make me think it might not happen. Outstanding match here and exactly how Benoit should have been put over on the grandest stage of them all in the main event of Wrestlemania. It doesn’t get bigger than that, period.

Benoit celebrates and here’s longtime friend Eddie Guerrero comes out to hug him as confetti falls to end the show.

The Vince dark room video and part of his speech take us to the highlight package.

Overall Rating: A-. Oh they were close with this one but there’s about an hour long stretch in the middle that goes from worthless to trying to cram too much in there to…..whatever Goldberg vs. Lesnar was to another lame Tag Team Title match and it really drags down what could have been one of the best of all time. I mean, did we need both Tag Team Title matches and the lingerie stuff? The appeal is obvious but this show needed a few more edits to get it down from FOUR AND A HALF HOURS.

Now that being said, you’re not going to find a better one two combination than Angle vs. Guerrero and the triple threat for a very long time and that’s more than enough to carry the show. Couple those matches with some other REALLY fun stuff like the Christian vs. Jericho match and a fun outing from Cena plus the great handicap match and you have a great show. If this was about forty five minutes shorter, it could be up there with XVII and XIX as one of the best ever. Unfortunately there’s too much clogging it up and that brings the show far lower than it should be. Watch it with a remote to fast forward and you’ll have a blast.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F

2013 Redo: E

2015 Redo: F

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

That’s as close to identical as you’re going to get.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/27/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-20-where-it-all-begins-again-with-two-dead-guys/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/29/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xx-nearly-a-masterpiece/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 9, 2003
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With less than two weeks to No Mercy, the question becomes how can we find more time to talk about Vince and Stephanie. That story dominated last week’s show and has done so for months now. At least we’re heading towards their pay per view blowoff and that means we might be free soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s Vince/Stephanie segment with Vince demanding that she quit (again) and Stephanie saying no (again) and getting in a fight with Sable (again).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Linda McMahon with the always awesome old school Wrestlemania theme music. She knows people are used to the McMahon Family drama but then Shane wrecked a limo with Kane inside. The week before that, Vince slammed Stephanie in the middle of this ring. Now there’s an I Quit match at No Mercy so maybe she can talk some sense into Stephanie. You know you can’t let Stephanie have that much attention without her being here in person so here she is.

She’s not going to back down and let Vince win….so here’s Vince because of course we need all of them out here. Vince talks about giving Stephanie a chance to get out of this match last week but now he wouldn’t let her out of it if she got on her knees and begged her. She’s made him brutalize her but he’ll do it with a clear conscience. His soul will be cleansed because he’s being forced to do it, just like Linda forced him to sire a second child. Linda says this match isn’t fair and asks what Vince is putting up. After a little goading, Vince puts up his Chairman spot to even things up.

We’re still not done though as Sable comes out with Vince calling her voluptuous. He introduces her to Linda and Sable rubs his chest while announcing she’ll be in Vince’s corner at No Mercy. Linda isn’t surprised because Sable will offer her services to anyone. Sable slaps Linda so Stephanie jumps her, only to get clotheslined by Vince. That’s your fifteen minute opening, because last year’s great wrestling show needed to be turned into the McMahon Variety Show.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Tajiri

Non-title and Rey Mysterio, announced as the #1 contender for No Mercy, is on commentary. Tajiri grabs a wristlock to start but the handspring elbow is broken up with a kick to the back. The Asai moonsault mostly misses and they head back inside. Dragon grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Tajiri hits a Michinoku Driver for two of his own. The Tarantula is broken up and Rey talks about using these same counters. Makes sense. Not that it matters as the Buzzsaw kick ends Dragon in short order.

Rating: C-. Nothing wrong with this one as Tajiri gets some momentum heading into the title match. I liked Rey actually talking about what he could get out of doing commentary as most of the time it’s just a way to advance a story. You can do that after the match while also making it seem like there’s a reason to be out there in the first place. I’m still not sure what happened to Dragon though, as he came in and never even got warmed up before being turned into this.

Post match Tajiri kicks Dragon again, drawing Rey in for a 619.

Stephanie has big news: LINDA will be in her corner at No Mercy! That’s so lame I can’t even bother to make fun of it.

Undertaker comes out for a match but first he promises to break Lesnar at No Mercy. Vince is about to send the FBI out here to soften him up but he hasn’t come alone. Undertaker wants us to meet his best friend and pulls out a chain.

Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo

Yes the FBI still exists. Undertaker wastes no time in throwing Chuck around and hits an early Old School. Nunzio offers a distraction so Chuck can get in a few shots, only to miss a charge into the post. Another distraction lets Palumbo try a superkick, which is countered into the chokeslam for a fast pin.

Post match Lesnar comes in but Undertaker cleans house with the chain.

Paul London interrupts Vince and Sable and can’t get a handshake from the boss. He can however get a title match with Lesnar tonight. Didn’t we do this with Spanky earlier this year?

Big Show shoves a burrito into the face of some guy at catering.

Zach Gowen is back. Egads good for him.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Rematch from last week when Show’s burritos gave him some issues. The announcers discuss Show’s body fat as he throws Jordan around with ease. A dropkick to the back annoys Show so much that he clotheslines Jordan’s head off. Show boots him in the face and finishes with a chokeslam in short order.

In the back, Eddie says of course he’s nervous about Big Show chasing after him. The thing is, he has some cousins around here and if Show does get some revenge, it’s going to be a very stinky situation. Eddie compares this to Jack and the Beanstalk but Big Show jumps him and kicks the heck out of Eddie’s ribs.

We look at John Cena using a chain to beat Kurt Angle last week.

Tazz is emceeing a battle rap between Angle and Cena. It’s Cena out first to say Angle has less street cred than Michael Cole. Now those are fighting words. Cole: “I’ve got some street cred!” After Angle comes out, Cena goes first and raps his usual string of insults: Angle couldn’t win a bronze in the Special Olympics, he has no testicles, and….something that Angle cuts him off which sounded like foul language.

Angle praises the rapping skills and tells a story in rhyme, talking about how Cena thinks he’s black, threatening Cena if he uses the chain again (or a-gain as the story goes) and promising to make Cena tap. That’s enough for the fight to be on until Cena hits him with the mic. Cena gets in a few kicks tot he ribs but Angle rolls some German suplexes. The thread of an ankle lock sends Cena bailing. Fine segment, though it was no “I’m just a sexy Kurt, I’ll make your ankle hurt!”

Video on Zach Gowen.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

Matt Hardy, who is not afraid to eat alone in public and likes portabella mushrooms, is on commentary. Moore puts him on top and gets kicked in the face, followed by another kick for two. Matt: “I may be going out on a limb here, one limb in particular, but Zach Gowen doesn’t impress me as a wrestler.” A suplex into the corner takes Gowen down and it’s off to a chinlock.

Back up and a springboard kick to the face drops Moore, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Hardy offers a distraction and Moore gets two off a rollup. Gowen grabs a DDT but Matt shoves Gowen off the top (the referee seems fine with the idea that Gowen just dove down onto his back for no apparent reason), setting up Shannon’s running flip neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s a Zach Gowen match: he does fairly impressive moves and the announcers talk about how amazing it is. It still has the exact same problem as always though: if you’ve seen it once, there’s not much appeal to seeing it again. Now that I’ve seen it for several months now, I’m really over it as the action is nothing above an independent level and the commentary beating the idea into my head gets really old.

Undertaker leaves Stephanie’s office and laughs.

No Mercy rundown. The card isn’t too bad but that double main event is death.

We recap the opening segment and Linda sneering still isn’t intimidating.

Chris Benoit/APA vs. Basham Brothers/A-Train

Hang on a second as the Bashams chair the APA down, leaving Faarooq down in the aisle and making this a handicap match. This must be the start of transitioning Faarooq out as it’s the second time in a few weeks where Bradshaw has wrestled and Faarooq hasn’t for one reason or another.

The double teaming is on with Bradshaw getting taken apart, including a Vader Bomb from A-Train as Faarooq is taken out. Danny grabs a chinlock but A-Train misses another splash, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A-Train takes a German suplex and the Sharpshooter makes Danny tap but he’s not legal. The referee says no and it’s A-Train hitting the Derailer for the pin.

Rating: D+. I know I’ve said this a lot tonight but that’s another match where it went as you would expect. A-Train pinning Benoit when he had an advantage was fine, but it’s still setting up A-Train vs. Benoit on pay per view. This also seems to be setting up Bradshaw’s singles run and….egads.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Paul London

Paul, who is challenging, doesn’t even get an entrance. Brock actually says he respects London for coming out here but gets cut off by the YOU TAPPED OUT chants. He offers London a chance to look at the title, which he might get to hold himself one day. London does touch is and gets a hard clothesline as the beating begins in a hurry. Powerslams and a powerbomb set up the F5 to destroy London in less than ninety seconds. In case you didn’t get the idea when he did this to Gowen and Spanky earlier this year.

Post match Brock loads up the F5 into the post but Spanky runs out for the failed save attempt. Lesnar throws him back first into the post for a great looking bump. Cue Undertaker to say Stephanie has made their match at No Mercy a biker chain match. That’s all we hear and the announcers are left wondering what the heck that is. Good thing Undertaker decided he liked chains earlier in the night.

We look back at Big Show attacking Eddie earlier.

Chavo Guerrero leaves the trainer’s room and says Eddie is pretty banged up. He’s going to call Big Show out.

Post break Chavo is in the ring calling Show out. Here’s Show in a suit to say he’s hitting the town. Oh dear I’m scared of where this is going. Chavo says he’s chicken and that’s actually enough to get a match started. Who knew Big Show was a Marty McFly fan?

Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo rolls outside and it’s a countout at about forty five seconds.

Chavo isn’t done as he waves a sewage truck out with Eddie riding on the back. For some reason, Big Show stands in the ring which Eddie talks about his cousin bringing this truck to the arena. Eddie talks about the hose on the truck that you put in the ground to pull out all the….well you know. He’s going to spray it on Show, who FINALLY gets out of the ring and runs away, only to trip over a cord. Eddie sprays him down a few times and Big Show falls down multiple times to end the show. Counting the stuff before the break, this was the last fifteen minutes of the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man that was awful. The show started with a fifteen minute McMahon summit and then ended with a fifteen minute segment built around spraying Big Show with human waste. In between, there was something about Undertaker discovering a love of chains, a battle rap, and some short squashes. That’s how they’re going to make us want to see a pay per view featuring the battling McMahons and something called a biker chain match. This was a total misfire and one of the worst Smackdowns I can ever remember.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: October 2, 2003
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Somehow we’re less than three weeks away from No Mercy but as luck would have it we already have a double main event. In this case it’s Vince McMahon vs. his daughter Stephanie in an I Quit match and Brock Lesnar defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker. This isn’t exactly the most thrilling stuff in the world but guess which one is going to get the most attention. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, still including Sean O’Haire. I don’t remember the last time he was even on this show.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, who has had four speeding tickets but gotten out of over twenty of them, is challenging. Eddie is ticked off at Matt for injuring his ribs last week so the stomping is on in a hurry. A shoulder puts Matt down but bangs up Eddie’s ribs all over again. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope and Matt starts in like a villain should.

Matt plants him with a powerbomb for two and the Side Effect gets the same. A bow and arrow hold is countered into a neckbreaker and Eddie gets a breather. Three Amigos connect as Tazz is talking about Mexican hockey teams. Matt is ready for the frog splash though and brings Eddie down with a superplex.

A neckbreaker cuts Eddie down again but Matt would rather distract Chavo, allowing Shannon to come in with a title. This is what happens when you let lackeys run wild. Naturally Eddie takes it away and throws the title to Matt while feigning innocence. The referee gets rid of that belt but Chavo hits Matt with the other one because cheating is a family business. The frog splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. The endings might be a bit unoriginal but you try turning down that grin. Eddie had so much charisma that it’s almost impossible to not like him at least on some level and that’s what worked so well here. I could watch Eddie do this stuff for hours and the wrestling working so well helped too. Eddie has been the best thing about the last several shows and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale.

John Cena got annoyed at Josh Matthews for talking about “dope rhymes”. Tonight, Cena puts Angle in his shadow.

Eddie and Chavo run into Big Show and ask him about him attacking Eddie last week. Show doesn’t like “Eddie’s kind”, but he does like Mexican food. He shoves Eddie down and Chavo isn’t happy with the lack of Latino heat. Eddie is going to take care of this Guerrero style.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a brawl to start and of course the APA gets the better of it, easily clearing out the ring. Faarooq beats both of them up on his own before it’s off to Bradshaw for chops and a Last Call on Doug. Shaniqua offers a distraction though and Danny posts Bradshaw to take over. As usual, Shaniqua comes off like the star of the team, completely defeating the purpose of her being out there. Bradshaw suplexes his way out of a chinlock and it’s back to Faarooq for the house cleaning. The referee gets bumped (In this match?) so Shaniqua kicks Bradshaw in the face, leaving Faarooq to take the Ball and Gag for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, I’d like to point out that I’m supposed to be interested in a team whose finishing move is called the Ball and Gag. There are times where a gimmick is going to kill yo before you can do anything else and that’s what’s happened with the Bashams. I have no idea why they spent so much time down in developmental to be given this treatment on the main roster, but it shows the disconnect between the two places.

Post match, Bradshaw hits Shaniqua with the Clothesline. Again: she’s treated like a more important deal than the team she’s managing.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

A-Train is on commentary. As you might expect, it’s a grappling exchange to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage on the mat. Charlie’s hammerlock is reversed into a wristlock as A-Train rants about Benoit not being able to get him in the Crossface. Benoit headlocks him down and does it again when Charlie tries to get up. It’s too early for the Crossface though and Benoit is sent outside.

A-Train actually does something by offering a distraction, allowing Haas to baseball slide Benoit down. Haas starts in on the ribs with a gutbuster before a clothesline gets two. Something like an abdominal stretch with Benoit on the mat keeps the ribs in trouble as A-Train continues to have nothing interesting to say. Some kicks to the ribs set up a normal standard abdominal stretch as Benoit just can’t get anything going.

A single German suplex rocks Charlie but he takes Benoit right back down to continue the wrestling clinic. Benoit finally gets in a clothesline and the release German suplex is good for two. Haas is right back with a suplex of his own, dropping Benoit on his head in a scary landing. Not that it matters as Benoit slaps on the Crossface, drawing A-Train in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Haas is someone who sticks to a game plan very well as his finisher works the ribs so he beats on the opponent’s ribs for the entire match. What’s not all well and good is A-Train talking. He looks like a monster and wrestles a monster style, but egads he doesn’t need to be out there talking. It’s just not something he’s good at and him saying these really lame limes for the whole match didn’t make me want to see them fight. Stick to what people are good at and stop trying to wedge them into places where they don’t fit.

Post match A-Train puts Benoit in a Crossface of his own.

Here are Vince and Sable for their weekly segment as Cole tries to explain why Vince vs. Stephanie is still going. Tazz thinks it’s all a way to get Stephanie to quit. What gave you that idea Tazz? All the times where he ordered her to quit? Vince talks about everyone needing an opportunity to be forgiven for making a mistake, which brings him to Stephanie. She needs to reverse her decision to have Brock Lesnar defend the title against Undertaker and then quit immediately.

Cue Stephanie (nearly falling out of her top the entire way) to say she won’t do either of those things. Vince ups the ante for No Mercy: when she quits, she’s out of a job too. Stephanie almost begs him not to make the match but Vince goes into a rant about how Stephanie is throwing away all the years of their relationship. He calls what she’s doing defiance and Stephanie starts getting what she considers emotional.

Sable reminds Vince of what he called Stephanie last week so Stephanie tells her to go lay on her back in the men’s locker room like she does best. The catfight is on until Vince slams Stephanie, who starts crying. Undertaker comes out for the save and kicks fellow invader Brock Lesnar in the face as more crying ensues.

So quick recap of this story: we’re supposed to be on the side of and feel sympathy for the rather good looking (and surgically enhanced) millionaire heiress who is being told to quit her vanity job by the father who caused her to be a millionaire heiress in the first place? Oh and after EVERYTHING that Vince has done to people over the years (and that Stephanie has done to people over the years for that matter), a single slam is supposed to be this big, devastating moment? And this is their best idea?

A very stereotypical Mexican delivery guy (complete with a brightly colored blanket and a sombrero with MEXICO written on it) shouts about a delivery of burritos for Eddie. Big Show intercepts them and eats one before spitting in another, which is especially for Eddie. The delivery guy has no issue with any of this.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman accidentally runs into the referee to start (not something you see very often) but manages to hurricanrana the champ out to the floor. That means a big dive as things are starting fast. Back in and Kidman’s slingshot is countered with a kick to the shoulder and Tajiri takes over. Tajiri starts in on the arm with a hammerlock and some knees as Tazz talks about the importance of intensity.

Another kick to the shoulder set s up another hammerlock as this isn’t exactly what you would expect from Tajiri. Kidman comes back with an enziguri for two but Tajiri kicks him out of the air (that’s more like it) to take Kidman down again. The BK Bomb gets two and Kidman ducks the Buzzsaw Kick, only to get caught with a low blow. Now the Buzzsaw Kick connects to retain the title.

Rating: C. The arm work was a nice change for Tajiri and it made for a fun match. The cruiserweight division isn’t the most interesting in the world right now but at least the talent still around is putting on some good to very good matches. That being said, what in the world happened to Ultimo Dragon? He’s still doing dark matches and Velocity, but that might be a record for the fastest fall from grace I can remember in a long time. It was like two weeks.

Orlando Jordan vs. Big Show

Show comes to the ring holding his stomach and seems to have some issues after kicking Jordan in the ribs. A clothesline puts Jordan down but Show bails to the floor and takes the countout due to stomach issues. Cole after the countout: “The burritos having a negative effect on Big Show!” Thirty seconds later: “What is wrong with Big Show???”

Zach Gowen joins us live via satellite and says he’s tired of being asked how he’s doing. He knows wrestling is for him and he’s back in the ring next week.

We now join Big Show in the bathroom with various sound effects. Eddie comes in and admits that he spiked the burritos, knowing that Show would steal them. He also steals the toilet paper because COMEDY! So to recap: a few weeks ago, Eddie was in a great fight with Cena inside a ring of cars and then became a double champion. Now it’s toilet humor. Thanks for that WWE.

John Cena/Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle/Undertaker

Cena’s rap says he makes it ok to root for the villain and something about a man dressed as a woman. The fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out as Kurt and Cena start things off. Kurt takes him down without much effort and armdrags Cena into an armbar. One heck of a clothesline gives Angle two and it’s off to Undertaker. The arm cranking continues but Undertaker stops to swing at Lesnar.

The distraction lets Cena poke Angle in the eye and Kurt gets beaten down in the corner. A good looking backdrop puts Cena down though and we take a break. Back with Lesnar firing off shoulders to Kurt’s ribs in the corner as we’re firmly in the tag team formula. Lesnar stomps on Kurt and hits a gorilla press, only to have Angle grab a German suplex. Cena offers a distraction though and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag.

A Shell Shock of all things gives Brock two and a powerslam plants Kurt again. Somehow Kurt is right back up with the Angle Slam and it’s a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Undertaker, who comes in with the running corner clotheslines. Brock is thrown to the floor (nearly landing on his head in the process) but still comes back in to break up the cover on Cena. There’s a spinebuster to Undertaker though and it’s back to Angle via the power of Olympic recovery skills. Suplexes a go-go have the villains reeling but Cena grabs the chain to knock Angle cold for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid main event tag here as I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one for an easy match like this. Cena pinning Angle is the right call as Angle showed he’s dominant with wrestling and playing by the rules but loses when Cena cheats. Undertaker being all fired up doesn’t do much for me but it’s all we’ve got for a co-main event right now.

Post match Lesnar loads up the F5 to put Undertaker through the table but gets reversed, setting a chokeslam through said table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling was completely acceptable for the majority of the show but the stuff outside of the matches was dreadful. I mean, spiked burritos and OH NO VINCE MCMAHON DID A WRESTLING MOVE??? We’re coming up on a pretty weak pay per view with the battling McMahons as the real main event but the rest of the show isn’t exactly thrilling either. At least the TV is watchable, which is more than can be said about the episodes of Raw leading up to Unforgiven.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: September 25, 2003
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time to start building to No Mercy and we have a new World Champion with Brock Lesnar having taken the title from Kurt Angle in last week’s Iron Man match. The other big story is Los Guerreros winning the Tag Team Titles to make Eddie a double champion. I’m sure there will be no animosity on Chavo’s part. Let’s get to it.

Last week was a big week and you should look at it again.

Opening sequence.

Tonight, the Cruiserweight, Tag Team and US Titles are on the line. That’s quite the show.

The World Title is on a podium in the ring and here are Vince McMahon and Sable for a presentation. Vince praises Brock for his win last week but here’s Angle to interrupt. Before Kurt can say anything, Vince knows he’s here to claim Brock cheated and to challenge him for the title tonight.

That’s not happening though, because Angle might have to wait a long time to get another chance. That means starting from the bottom so tonight he’s going to be here to present Brock with the title. Angle isn’t feeling that and says either Brock comes out here and gets a beating or Kurt can go outside and give him the beating there.

Instead here’s John Cena to accuse Angle of having female genitalia. The fight is on and Cena is thrown over the top with ease before he heads to the back. That’s enough waiting for Angle so he goes to the back and finds a door labeled Brock Lesnar. That might be a good place to start. All he finds is a gym bag but here’s Cena to jump Angle.

During the break, Cena ran to the parking lot and drove away. Angle commandeered Vince’s limo and driver for a very late pursuit.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore

Matt, who has wrestled with strep throat and hates taking medicine, and Shannon are challenging. As someone with at least fifteen diagnosed cases of strep (to go with eight cases of bronchitis and three pneumonias, two of which were double pneumonia, I feel for him). Eddie and Matt start things off with Matt stopping for an early pose. It’s Chavo coming in off a blind tag to take Matt down as the champs start taking turns on Hardy.

Matt finally sends Chavo outside into the announcers’ table and Moore sends him into the apron for good measure. Shannon comes in and shows some nice fire with the forearms to the back. It’s not enough fire to keep Chavo in trouble for long though as he gets over for the hot tag.

Everything breaks down in a hurry with Eddie having to fight them both off, only to get caught in a neckbreaker from Matt. Chavo hits a high crossbody on Shannon to give Eddie two, only to have Shannon hit a dropkick to the back for the same. With Matt sent outside, Chavo belly to backs Shannon down so Eddie can drop the frog splash to retain.

Rating: C+. It’s always a good sign when a match makes me wonder what they could do with more time and that’s what happened here. Shannon is a pretty good high flier and he looked solid in support of Matt here. Los Guerreros are more than talented enough to make this work, especially when we get to the eventual split over Chavo being jealous.

Post match Matt jumps Eddie and gives him a Side Effect onto the belt.

During the break, Charlie Haas, who challenges Eddie tonight, ran out and attacked Chavo, followed by a Haas of Pain to Eddie. Tonight could make Eddie look like an even bigger star.

Here’s a ticked off A-Train for a chat. Now who thought this was a good idea? He’s tired of hearing that he can’t beat Chris Benoit because he can beat anyone. A-Train gives an open challenge but settles for beating up the timekeeper, even giving him a Crossface. Benoit runs out for the save and puts the Crossface on A-Train. That’s broken up with raw power though and A-Train chairs him down.

Eddie’s ribs are badly damaged but he swears he can wrestle.

Vince tells Sable how great she looks tonight and admires her figure. She takes off his jacket when a production guy comes in. Vince wanted to see him twenty minutes ago and yells as a result. Anyway, we’re doing the Brock presentation later. I’m sure nothing bad will happen.

Charlie says he’s taking the US Title tonight to make up for losing the Tag Team Titles.

We recap Tajiri’s heel turn and beatdown of Rey Mysterio to set up tonight’s title match.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is defending. Tajiri cranks on the arm to start and drops a knee for an early two. A hurricanrana into a victory roll gives Rey two and we hit a quick pinfall reversal sequence. Rey’s charge hits the corner though and we hit the Tarantula for a few seconds. Tajiri loads up the mist but misses, allowing Rey to knock him outside and follow with a good looking slingshot dive.

Back from a break with Rey getting kicked out of the air for two. Tajiri hammers away at the ribs and hooks something like an abdominal stretch. It’s off to the bodyscissors with Tajiri even throwing in a few rollups for two as a bonus. That’s so much better than what you usually get with this hold. How often do you see a hold like this go on and stop paying attention for a bit because nothing is happening? Those rollups aren’t anything great but they’re keeping it from being boring, which is more than you can expect otherwise.

Rey fights up and hits a sitout bulldog, followed by a moonsault press for two. Tajiri is right back with a Michinoku Driver but kicks the referee by mistake. The handspring elbow is blocked with a dropkick to the back and Rey scores with the 619. The West Coast Pop misses and Tajiri kicks him in the face. Cue a second ref to check on the first and count a very delayed two. Rey snaps off a standing hurricanrana but the replacement referee is still checking on the first. Tajiri goes with the red mist and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: B. This got the time that it needed to make things work, though the referee stupidly turning his head at the end didn’t work so well. Tajiri winning the title makes the most sense as it strengthens his heel turn and lets Rey do something else. It’s not like he’s going to regularly defend the title so let someone else have it and get some more momentum as a result.

Video on WWF and the Russell Simmons’ Hip Hop Action Network coming together for a voting drive.

Cole and Tazz brag about UPN’s ratings successes. But did Smackdown beat the Mullets?

Basham Brothers vs. Jamie Noble/Bradshaw

Billy Gunn is hurt so Jamie bought half of the APA for the night. It’s a brawl to start with Jamie diving onto Danny as Bradshaw beats Doug up in the corner. Danny low bridges Jamie to the floor though and Shaniqua kicks him in the head to take over. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit until Jamie dragon screw leg whips his way to freedom. A swinging neckbreaker is enough for the tag to Bradshaw for the quick beatdown. The Last Call sends Doug flying but Shaniqua takes Nidia’s head off with a clothesline. Jamie checks on her so Bradshaw hits the Clothesline, drawing in Shaniqua for the DQ.

Rating: D. So the point here was to push Bradshaw and Shaniqua? This would have made more sense as the APA vs. the Bashams but if that’s the case, just have the Bashams get a win. As usual, WWE feels the need to push the worst possible options out of a match and for some reason I don’t see Shaniqua panning out as the latest force in the women’s division.

Long recap of the Iron Man match.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Charlie Haas

Eddie is defending and has bad ribs while an angry Big Show is on commentary. Show claims that he’s tired of being ignored so he gets up and posts Eddie before the bell. Charlie is smart enough to stomp away and hits a backdrop to stay on the ribs. A quick toss to the floor gives Eddie a breather but Charlie is back in with a double leg takedown for two. The back is bent over Charlie’s knee until Eddie grabs the face for the break.

Charlie is right back up with another posting so here’s Chavo to check on him. That earns the nephew a right hand and an ejection but the distraction allows Eddie to grab the rope at two. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie slips out after a good while. Haas grabs the belt, which is quickly taken away and laid in the corner. Eddie of course grabs it and wraps it around the corner as Charlie shoves the referee. That’s not a DQ so Charlie dives at the buckle and knocks himself silly, setting up the frog splash to retain.

Rating: B-. So we’re heading towards Big Show vs. Eddie? That would be a good way to make Eddie look like a giant killer, but if history has shown me anything, it’s never bet against WWE’s ability to push Big Show over the wrong talent. Eddie looked great here as he fought through the injuries and he continues to be the best thing on this show every single week.

Here are Vince and Sable to try the presentation again. Vince demands us on our feet to welcome Brock, who at least gets to come out this time. After Brock’s posing, Vince declares him the new unstoppable face of Smackdown. Brock doesn’t mind the YOU TAPPED OUT chants because he’s the new champion. As for Kurt, he had him in the palm of his hand last week and was never in danger of not getting the title back. Brock says he’s unstoppable so here’s Undertaker because who else was it going to be.

Undertaker didn’t interfere last week because he has too much respect for the title but he’ll get in Lesnar’s face now. He doesn’t forget or forgive but he does have some advice for Brock: polish that title up because his first defense is against Undertaker. Vince wants to know how that happened and here’s Stephanie, because this is still about the McMahons. Stephanie explains the match but Vince says no because her authority is going to be rescinded. If she doesn’t change her mind right now, it’s Vince vs. Stephanie in a match at No Mercy.

Stephanie is completely taken aback by this (Someone wants to hurt Stephanie? What insanity is this?) but won’t change her mind. Vince makes it an I Quit match and yells at Stephanie so Undertaker grabs his arm. That earns Undertaker a belt shot but he’s back up with a chokeslam to Lesnar to end the show. That’s a really bad double main event but they’re still way ahead of Unforgiven, which says more about that show than No Mercy.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event angle and the Basham match were the only bad things going on this week as the rest was focused around Eddie Guerrero, which is never a bad thing. There was good wrestling here though and the stories are solid enough to make the show not feel long, which is a lot more than Raw can say.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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