IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 2, 2003
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Somehow we’re less than three weeks away from No Mercy but as luck would have it we already have a double main event. In this case it’s Vince McMahon vs. his daughter Stephanie in an I Quit match and Brock Lesnar defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker. This isn’t exactly the most thrilling stuff in the world but guess which one is going to get the most attention. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, still including Sean O’Haire. I don’t remember the last time he was even on this show.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, who has had four speeding tickets but gotten out of over twenty of them, is challenging. Eddie is ticked off at Matt for injuring his ribs last week so the stomping is on in a hurry. A shoulder puts Matt down but bangs up Eddie’s ribs all over again. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope and Matt starts in like a villain should.

Matt plants him with a powerbomb for two and the Side Effect gets the same. A bow and arrow hold is countered into a neckbreaker and Eddie gets a breather. Three Amigos connect as Tazz is talking about Mexican hockey teams. Matt is ready for the frog splash though and brings Eddie down with a superplex.

A neckbreaker cuts Eddie down again but Matt would rather distract Chavo, allowing Shannon to come in with a title. This is what happens when you let lackeys run wild. Naturally Eddie takes it away and throws the title to Matt while feigning innocence. The referee gets rid of that belt but Chavo hits Matt with the other one because cheating is a family business. The frog splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. The endings might be a bit unoriginal but you try turning down that grin. Eddie had so much charisma that it’s almost impossible to not like him at least on some level and that’s what worked so well here. I could watch Eddie do this stuff for hours and the wrestling working so well helped too. Eddie has been the best thing about the last several shows and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale.

John Cena got annoyed at Josh Matthews for talking about “dope rhymes”. Tonight, Cena puts Angle in his shadow.

Eddie and Chavo run into Big Show and ask him about him attacking Eddie last week. Show doesn’t like “Eddie’s kind”, but he does like Mexican food. He shoves Eddie down and Chavo isn’t happy with the lack of Latino heat. Eddie is going to take care of this Guerrero style.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a brawl to start and of course the APA gets the better of it, easily clearing out the ring. Faarooq beats both of them up on his own before it’s off to Bradshaw for chops and a Last Call on Doug. Shaniqua offers a distraction though and Danny posts Bradshaw to take over. As usual, Shaniqua comes off like the star of the team, completely defeating the purpose of her being out there. Bradshaw suplexes his way out of a chinlock and it’s back to Faarooq for the house cleaning. The referee gets bumped (In this match?) so Shaniqua kicks Bradshaw in the face, leaving Faarooq to take the Ball and Gag for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, I’d like to point out that I’m supposed to be interested in a team whose finishing move is called the Ball and Gag. There are times where a gimmick is going to kill yo before you can do anything else and that’s what’s happened with the Bashams. I have no idea why they spent so much time down in developmental to be given this treatment on the main roster, but it shows the disconnect between the two places.

Post match, Bradshaw hits Shaniqua with the Clothesline. Again: she’s treated like a more important deal than the team she’s managing.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

A-Train is on commentary. As you might expect, it’s a grappling exchange to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage on the mat. Charlie’s hammerlock is reversed into a wristlock as A-Train rants about Benoit not being able to get him in the Crossface. Benoit headlocks him down and does it again when Charlie tries to get up. It’s too early for the Crossface though and Benoit is sent outside.

A-Train actually does something by offering a distraction, allowing Haas to baseball slide Benoit down. Haas starts in on the ribs with a gutbuster before a clothesline gets two. Something like an abdominal stretch with Benoit on the mat keeps the ribs in trouble as A-Train continues to have nothing interesting to say. Some kicks to the ribs set up a normal standard abdominal stretch as Benoit just can’t get anything going.

A single German suplex rocks Charlie but he takes Benoit right back down to continue the wrestling clinic. Benoit finally gets in a clothesline and the release German suplex is good for two. Haas is right back with a suplex of his own, dropping Benoit on his head in a scary landing. Not that it matters as Benoit slaps on the Crossface, drawing A-Train in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Haas is someone who sticks to a game plan very well as his finisher works the ribs so he beats on the opponent’s ribs for the entire match. What’s not all well and good is A-Train talking. He looks like a monster and wrestles a monster style, but egads he doesn’t need to be out there talking. It’s just not something he’s good at and him saying these really lame limes for the whole match didn’t make me want to see them fight. Stick to what people are good at and stop trying to wedge them into places where they don’t fit.

Post match A-Train puts Benoit in a Crossface of his own.

Here are Vince and Sable for their weekly segment as Cole tries to explain why Vince vs. Stephanie is still going. Tazz thinks it’s all a way to get Stephanie to quit. What gave you that idea Tazz? All the times where he ordered her to quit? Vince talks about everyone needing an opportunity to be forgiven for making a mistake, which brings him to Stephanie. She needs to reverse her decision to have Brock Lesnar defend the title against Undertaker and then quit immediately.

Cue Stephanie (nearly falling out of her top the entire way) to say she won’t do either of those things. Vince ups the ante for No Mercy: when she quits, she’s out of a job too. Stephanie almost begs him not to make the match but Vince goes into a rant about how Stephanie is throwing away all the years of their relationship. He calls what she’s doing defiance and Stephanie starts getting what she considers emotional.

Sable reminds Vince of what he called Stephanie last week so Stephanie tells her to go lay on her back in the men’s locker room like she does best. The catfight is on until Vince slams Stephanie, who starts crying. Undertaker comes out for the save and kicks fellow invader Brock Lesnar in the face as more crying ensues.

So quick recap of this story: we’re supposed to be on the side of and feel sympathy for the rather good looking (and surgically enhanced) millionaire heiress who is being told to quit her vanity job by the father who caused her to be a millionaire heiress in the first place? Oh and after EVERYTHING that Vince has done to people over the years (and that Stephanie has done to people over the years for that matter), a single slam is supposed to be this big, devastating moment? And this is their best idea?

A very stereotypical Mexican delivery guy (complete with a brightly colored blanket and a sombrero with MEXICO written on it) shouts about a delivery of burritos for Eddie. Big Show intercepts them and eats one before spitting in another, which is especially for Eddie. The delivery guy has no issue with any of this.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman accidentally runs into the referee to start (not something you see very often) but manages to hurricanrana the champ out to the floor. That means a big dive as things are starting fast. Back in and Kidman’s slingshot is countered with a kick to the shoulder and Tajiri takes over. Tajiri starts in on the arm with a hammerlock and some knees as Tazz talks about the importance of intensity.

Another kick to the shoulder set s up another hammerlock as this isn’t exactly what you would expect from Tajiri. Kidman comes back with an enziguri for two but Tajiri kicks him out of the air (that’s more like it) to take Kidman down again. The BK Bomb gets two and Kidman ducks the Buzzsaw Kick, only to get caught with a low blow. Now the Buzzsaw Kick connects to retain the title.

Rating: C. The arm work was a nice change for Tajiri and it made for a fun match. The cruiserweight division isn’t the most interesting in the world right now but at least the talent still around is putting on some good to very good matches. That being said, what in the world happened to Ultimo Dragon? He’s still doing dark matches and Velocity, but that might be a record for the fastest fall from grace I can remember in a long time. It was like two weeks.

Orlando Jordan vs. Big Show

Show comes to the ring holding his stomach and seems to have some issues after kicking Jordan in the ribs. A clothesline puts Jordan down but Show bails to the floor and takes the countout due to stomach issues. Cole after the countout: “The burritos having a negative effect on Big Show!” Thirty seconds later: “What is wrong with Big Show???”

Zach Gowen joins us live via satellite and says he’s tired of being asked how he’s doing. He knows wrestling is for him and he’s back in the ring next week.

We now join Big Show in the bathroom with various sound effects. Eddie comes in and admits that he spiked the burritos, knowing that Show would steal them. He also steals the toilet paper because COMEDY! So to recap: a few weeks ago, Eddie was in a great fight with Cena inside a ring of cars and then became a double champion. Now it’s toilet humor. Thanks for that WWE.

John Cena/Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle/Undertaker

Cena’s rap says he makes it ok to root for the villain and something about a man dressed as a woman. The fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out as Kurt and Cena start things off. Kurt takes him down without much effort and armdrags Cena into an armbar. One heck of a clothesline gives Angle two and it’s off to Undertaker. The arm cranking continues but Undertaker stops to swing at Lesnar.

The distraction lets Cena poke Angle in the eye and Kurt gets beaten down in the corner. A good looking backdrop puts Cena down though and we take a break. Back with Lesnar firing off shoulders to Kurt’s ribs in the corner as we’re firmly in the tag team formula. Lesnar stomps on Kurt and hits a gorilla press, only to have Angle grab a German suplex. Cena offers a distraction though and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag.

A Shell Shock of all things gives Brock two and a powerslam plants Kurt again. Somehow Kurt is right back up with the Angle Slam and it’s a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Undertaker, who comes in with the running corner clotheslines. Brock is thrown to the floor (nearly landing on his head in the process) but still comes back in to break up the cover on Cena. There’s a spinebuster to Undertaker though and it’s back to Angle via the power of Olympic recovery skills. Suplexes a go-go have the villains reeling but Cena grabs the chain to knock Angle cold for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid main event tag here as I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one for an easy match like this. Cena pinning Angle is the right call as Angle showed he’s dominant with wrestling and playing by the rules but loses when Cena cheats. Undertaker being all fired up doesn’t do much for me but it’s all we’ve got for a co-main event right now.

Post match Lesnar loads up the F5 to put Undertaker through the table but gets reversed, setting a chokeslam through said table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling was completely acceptable for the majority of the show but the stuff outside of the matches was dreadful. I mean, spiked burritos and OH NO VINCE MCMAHON DID A WRESTLING MOVE??? We’re coming up on a pretty weak pay per view with the battling McMahons as the real main event but the rest of the show isn’t exactly thrilling either. At least the TV is watchable, which is more than can be said about the episodes of Raw leading up to Unforgiven.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: September 25, 2003
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time to start building to No Mercy and we have a new World Champion with Brock Lesnar having taken the title from Kurt Angle in last week’s Iron Man match. The other big story is Los Guerreros winning the Tag Team Titles to make Eddie a double champion. I’m sure there will be no animosity on Chavo’s part. Let’s get to it.

Last week was a big week and you should look at it again.

Opening sequence.

Tonight, the Cruiserweight, Tag Team and US Titles are on the line. That’s quite the show.

The World Title is on a podium in the ring and here are Vince McMahon and Sable for a presentation. Vince praises Brock for his win last week but here’s Angle to interrupt. Before Kurt can say anything, Vince knows he’s here to claim Brock cheated and to challenge him for the title tonight.

That’s not happening though, because Angle might have to wait a long time to get another chance. That means starting from the bottom so tonight he’s going to be here to present Brock with the title. Angle isn’t feeling that and says either Brock comes out here and gets a beating or Kurt can go outside and give him the beating there.

Instead here’s John Cena to accuse Angle of having female genitalia. The fight is on and Cena is thrown over the top with ease before he heads to the back. That’s enough waiting for Angle so he goes to the back and finds a door labeled Brock Lesnar. That might be a good place to start. All he finds is a gym bag but here’s Cena to jump Angle.

During the break, Cena ran to the parking lot and drove away. Angle commandeered Vince’s limo and driver for a very late pursuit.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore

Matt, who has wrestled with strep throat and hates taking medicine, and Shannon are challenging. As someone with at least fifteen diagnosed cases of strep (to go with eight cases of bronchitis and three pneumonias, two of which were double pneumonia, I feel for him). Eddie and Matt start things off with Matt stopping for an early pose. It’s Chavo coming in off a blind tag to take Matt down as the champs start taking turns on Hardy.

Matt finally sends Chavo outside into the announcers’ table and Moore sends him into the apron for good measure. Shannon comes in and shows some nice fire with the forearms to the back. It’s not enough fire to keep Chavo in trouble for long though as he gets over for the hot tag.

Everything breaks down in a hurry with Eddie having to fight them both off, only to get caught in a neckbreaker from Matt. Chavo hits a high crossbody on Shannon to give Eddie two, only to have Shannon hit a dropkick to the back for the same. With Matt sent outside, Chavo belly to backs Shannon down so Eddie can drop the frog splash to retain.

Rating: C+. It’s always a good sign when a match makes me wonder what they could do with more time and that’s what happened here. Shannon is a pretty good high flier and he looked solid in support of Matt here. Los Guerreros are more than talented enough to make this work, especially when we get to the eventual split over Chavo being jealous.

Post match Matt jumps Eddie and gives him a Side Effect onto the belt.

During the break, Charlie Haas, who challenges Eddie tonight, ran out and attacked Chavo, followed by a Haas of Pain to Eddie. Tonight could make Eddie look like an even bigger star.

Here’s a ticked off A-Train for a chat. Now who thought this was a good idea? He’s tired of hearing that he can’t beat Chris Benoit because he can beat anyone. A-Train gives an open challenge but settles for beating up the timekeeper, even giving him a Crossface. Benoit runs out for the save and puts the Crossface on A-Train. That’s broken up with raw power though and A-Train chairs him down.

Eddie’s ribs are badly damaged but he swears he can wrestle.

Vince tells Sable how great she looks tonight and admires her figure. She takes off his jacket when a production guy comes in. Vince wanted to see him twenty minutes ago and yells as a result. Anyway, we’re doing the Brock presentation later. I’m sure nothing bad will happen.

Charlie says he’s taking the US Title tonight to make up for losing the Tag Team Titles.

We recap Tajiri’s heel turn and beatdown of Rey Mysterio to set up tonight’s title match.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is defending. Tajiri cranks on the arm to start and drops a knee for an early two. A hurricanrana into a victory roll gives Rey two and we hit a quick pinfall reversal sequence. Rey’s charge hits the corner though and we hit the Tarantula for a few seconds. Tajiri loads up the mist but misses, allowing Rey to knock him outside and follow with a good looking slingshot dive.

Back from a break with Rey getting kicked out of the air for two. Tajiri hammers away at the ribs and hooks something like an abdominal stretch. It’s off to the bodyscissors with Tajiri even throwing in a few rollups for two as a bonus. That’s so much better than what you usually get with this hold. How often do you see a hold like this go on and stop paying attention for a bit because nothing is happening? Those rollups aren’t anything great but they’re keeping it from being boring, which is more than you can expect otherwise.

Rey fights up and hits a sitout bulldog, followed by a moonsault press for two. Tajiri is right back with a Michinoku Driver but kicks the referee by mistake. The handspring elbow is blocked with a dropkick to the back and Rey scores with the 619. The West Coast Pop misses and Tajiri kicks him in the face. Cue a second ref to check on the first and count a very delayed two. Rey snaps off a standing hurricanrana but the replacement referee is still checking on the first. Tajiri goes with the red mist and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: B. This got the time that it needed to make things work, though the referee stupidly turning his head at the end didn’t work so well. Tajiri winning the title makes the most sense as it strengthens his heel turn and lets Rey do something else. It’s not like he’s going to regularly defend the title so let someone else have it and get some more momentum as a result.

Video on WWF and the Russell Simmons’ Hip Hop Action Network coming together for a voting drive.

Cole and Tazz brag about UPN’s ratings successes. But did Smackdown beat the Mullets?

Basham Brothers vs. Jamie Noble/Bradshaw

Billy Gunn is hurt so Jamie bought half of the APA for the night. It’s a brawl to start with Jamie diving onto Danny as Bradshaw beats Doug up in the corner. Danny low bridges Jamie to the floor though and Shaniqua kicks him in the head to take over. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit until Jamie dragon screw leg whips his way to freedom. A swinging neckbreaker is enough for the tag to Bradshaw for the quick beatdown. The Last Call sends Doug flying but Shaniqua takes Nidia’s head off with a clothesline. Jamie checks on her so Bradshaw hits the Clothesline, drawing in Shaniqua for the DQ.

Rating: D. So the point here was to push Bradshaw and Shaniqua? This would have made more sense as the APA vs. the Bashams but if that’s the case, just have the Bashams get a win. As usual, WWE feels the need to push the worst possible options out of a match and for some reason I don’t see Shaniqua panning out as the latest force in the women’s division.

Long recap of the Iron Man match.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Charlie Haas

Eddie is defending and has bad ribs while an angry Big Show is on commentary. Show claims that he’s tired of being ignored so he gets up and posts Eddie before the bell. Charlie is smart enough to stomp away and hits a backdrop to stay on the ribs. A quick toss to the floor gives Eddie a breather but Charlie is back in with a double leg takedown for two. The back is bent over Charlie’s knee until Eddie grabs the face for the break.

Charlie is right back up with another posting so here’s Chavo to check on him. That earns the nephew a right hand and an ejection but the distraction allows Eddie to grab the rope at two. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie slips out after a good while. Haas grabs the belt, which is quickly taken away and laid in the corner. Eddie of course grabs it and wraps it around the corner as Charlie shoves the referee. That’s not a DQ so Charlie dives at the buckle and knocks himself silly, setting up the frog splash to retain.

Rating: B-. So we’re heading towards Big Show vs. Eddie? That would be a good way to make Eddie look like a giant killer, but if history has shown me anything, it’s never bet against WWE’s ability to push Big Show over the wrong talent. Eddie looked great here as he fought through the injuries and he continues to be the best thing on this show every single week.

Here are Vince and Sable to try the presentation again. Vince demands us on our feet to welcome Brock, who at least gets to come out this time. After Brock’s posing, Vince declares him the new unstoppable face of Smackdown. Brock doesn’t mind the YOU TAPPED OUT chants because he’s the new champion. As for Kurt, he had him in the palm of his hand last week and was never in danger of not getting the title back. Brock says he’s unstoppable so here’s Undertaker because who else was it going to be.

Undertaker didn’t interfere last week because he has too much respect for the title but he’ll get in Lesnar’s face now. He doesn’t forget or forgive but he does have some advice for Brock: polish that title up because his first defense is against Undertaker. Vince wants to know how that happened and here’s Stephanie, because this is still about the McMahons. Stephanie explains the match but Vince says no because her authority is going to be rescinded. If she doesn’t change her mind right now, it’s Vince vs. Stephanie in a match at No Mercy.

Stephanie is completely taken aback by this (Someone wants to hurt Stephanie? What insanity is this?) but won’t change her mind. Vince makes it an I Quit match and yells at Stephanie so Undertaker grabs his arm. That earns Undertaker a belt shot but he’s back up with a chokeslam to Lesnar to end the show. That’s a really bad double main event but they’re still way ahead of Unforgiven, which says more about that show than No Mercy.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event angle and the Basham match were the only bad things going on this week as the rest was focused around Eddie Guerrero, which is never a bad thing. There was good wrestling here though and the stories are solid enough to make the show not feel long, which is a lot more than Raw can say.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: September 11, 2003
Location: Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re building towards a big match here as Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle in an Iron Man Match goes down next week. That means a lot of buildup on this week’s show, which could go in several ways. Of course it could also mean a lot of missing the point, which would certainly make sense around here. Let’s get to it.

This episode only runs ninety minutes instead of the full two hours. The reason: UPN wanted to air the Mullets, because that was the kind of show WWE fans would flock towards.

As you might expect, we open with a tribute to those who lost their lives on September 11. Nothing wrong with that.

Opening sequence.

Cars are being pulled into a circle in the parking lot for the Eddie Guerrero vs. John Cena fight.

Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri/Nunzio

The canned pop is strong for Kidman here. I almost never notice those things so it’s especially bad. Nunzio jumps Rey from behind to start but Kidman slingshots in for a rollup. A giant swing into a dropkick (so that’s where Cesaro and Tyson Kidd got it from) gets two on Nunzio. Tajiri comes in and kicks Kidman in the head though as the hard hitting begins. The fans chant ROLL TIDE because they don’t seem to get how wrestling works. Maybe they should watch the Mullets.

Nunzio comes back in for a chinlock until Kidman fights up and scores with a dropkick. Tajiri’s tornado DDT is countered into a BK Bomb (sweet counter actually) and it’s the hot tag to Mysterio. Everything breaks down and Rey ducks the handspring elbow, setting up a 619 to Tajiri’s back. The regular version misses though and Tajiri kicks Rey in the head for the pin.

Rating: B-. The match was only about four minutes but it was the perfect choice for an opener. The cruiserweights opening the show worked wonders in WCW and there’s no reason to switch up a formula with such a history of working. Kidman and Mysterio are still a great team, but their time of going after the titles seems to have passed. Kind of a shame, but then we might not get to see more of the Bashams or whatever other lame team they have at the moment.

Post match, Tajiri hits Rey with the belt.

Vince and Sable agree on sending flowers to Zach Gowen as Big Show, in a suit, stands in the background. Stephanie comes in to recap last week’s events in that really annoying manner of hers. She yells about how it was all Vince’s idea and that Vince doesn’t care about Gowen (I have no idea why we’re supposed to either). Brock is a criminal who should be in jail….and of course he’s right behind her.

Since it’s Stephanie though, she gets scared for a second but brings up Brock tapping out to Angle. Stephanie doesn’t sweat Lesnar. Brock wants a warmup match tonight with Undertaker, Kurt Angle and Gowen all at once. None of them are here tonight though, so Brock can fight Stephanie (Since she’s the only one in the room he hasn’t fought yet. Ignore the cameraman. And Sable.). Vince says that’s money in the bank and Stephanie can either face him or quit as GM. This segment was longer than the opening match, which gives them even less time to find a way to not deliver the match.

Torrie Wilson and Nidia are in the back when they run into Dawn Marie. They’re worried about her getting beaten up by Shaniqua tonight but Dawn has to stand up to her. If this is your big army to fight her, just quit now.

Dawn Marie vs. Shaniqua

Dawn wastes no time in trying to jump out of the corner, only to have Shaniqua mistime a chop out of the air. Instead they head outside with Dawn being sent into the barricade as this is complete dominance. Shaniqua grabs a chair but Torrie and Nidia run in for the DQ.

Torrie hits Shaniqua with the chair (with two camera cuts in short order) before bailing.

Stephanie is thinking about her decision when Sable comes in to recap everything that we already know. If Stephanie quits, Sable is more than ready to be General Manager. I’d be curious to see how long this show would be if you took out all the exposition and recaps of things we hear ten minutes ago.

Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Rhyno says some very un-PG things as we wait for the opening bell. They waste no time in hitting the power game with Rhyno kneeing him in the ribs and clubbing Benoit over the back. That just means an early Crossface attempt, sending Rhyno bailing to the ropes. Rhyno pulls him throat first into the ropes to send Benoit outside, allowing A-Train to run in and post Benoit for good measure. That’s only good for two back inside and we take a break with Cole in mid rant.

Back with Rhyno scoring with a superplex for two before tying Benoit in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the ribs. We hit a Sharpshooter on Benoit (not a bad one either) but a rope is grabbed in a hurry. Benoit is right back up with a Sharpshooter of his own so Rhyno grabs the rope as well. What’s good for the wolverine is good for the Rhyno.

With the holds not working, Benoit snaps off a release German suplex and heads up but gets caught as well. A sunset bomb breaks up a superplex attempt for two, only to have Rhyno come back with a spinebuster. Benoit is dazed but not enough for the Gore, which he pulls down into the Crossface for the win.

Rating: B. They beat each other up quite well here and that ending with Benoit snapping on the Crossface was great. When he pulls that thing on out of nowhere, it’s one of the coolest looking things in wrestling and this was one of the best he’s done yet. Hopefully this wraps up their feud and Benoit can move on to something bigger, though this was a good blowoff.

The APA is having a poker game in the office with Matt Hardy yelling at the APA for treating an underling like a servant. He then rants about Shannon Moore getting the wrong kind of orange juice and tells the APA to join AA. Faarooq turns it into a racial thing and a match is made tonight. Everyone else leaves and the APA toasts the people who died on 9/11. Of note: Bradshaw said they were playing Texas Hold Em and dealt them all five cards. The moral: Bradshaw doesn’t know how to play poker.

At this point, outside of the USA, you would have seen Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle from Summerslam to stretch the show to two hours.

Cena is thrilled with the circle of cars and hits a bunch of them with his chain.

John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title and in a ring of cars in the parking lot. Cena’s rap is of course a bunch of gay jokes about Eddie, which really was a common theme of his. Eddie’s car completes the circle and we’re ready to go with wrestlers sitting on the cars. They’re both in street clothes and take turns sending each other face first into the hoods. Cena muscles him up for a suplex onto the top of a Mitsubishi before grabbing a lawnmower out of the back of a van.

Eddie avoids a bad cut but gets thrown onto another hood. Some shovel shots only hit a car but a flapjack puts Cena onto the car again. Eddie’s shovel shot knocks out a headlight and he uses a door as a weapon. Tazz says Eddie is a veteran, making me wonder how many times Eddie has hit someone in the head with a car door. They fight outside the wheel as someone who looks like Al Snow is strolling along in the background.

Eddie gets thrown into the trunk of the car but pops out, knocking the hood into Cena’s face. Cena tosses him through a windshield for two and slams a door onto his arm for the same. Back up and Eddie sends him face first through a window but Cena does the same to him. Cena jumps behind the wheel of a car but Eddie gets in the passenger seat and rams his head into the wheel for some rhythmic beeping.

The cigarette lighter to the chest burns Cena and Eddie washes the windshield on Cena’s face. The much cleaner Cena backdrops Eddie onto the hood for two but the FU onto the car is broken up. Instead it’s a hiptoss onto a car and the returning Chavo Guerrero hits Cena in the head with what looked like a hubcap. The frog splash from one car to another is good for the pin.

Rating: B+. I remember people talking about this match very fondly and it’s easy to see why. They found the right combination of violence and fun (the windshield wipers thing was good) while Chavo was a great way to wrap things up. I’m not sure if this finishes their feud but a singles match would hardly be a bad thing as they have chemistry together.

Post match Chavo takes the title and says the Guerreros have it before leaving with Eddie.

Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore vs. APA

Matt, who rarely uses turn signals (The APA better DESTROY him then as that drives me crazy. Excuse me person driving your several thousand pound machine that may be going upwards of 70 miles an hour, but could you please LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO CHANGE LANES OR TURN THE THING??? That would be nice, not to mention quite a bit safer, if you can manage to flick your hand all of the three inches that it takes to use your signal.) and whose entertainment system requires five remotes, and Shannon are in wrestling gear while the APA is in street clothes.

As you might expect, Cole explains Matt’s hypocrisy over Shannon, thankfully with Tazz calling him out for the obvious statement. Faarooq and Shannon start things off with Moore hitting him from behind for some reason. Some forearms and elbows drop Moore for two and it’s off to Matt. Things don’t go well for him either as it’s a powerslam from Faarooq and a suplex from Bradshaw for two. Bradshaw starts cleaning house but Matt’s top rope clothesline knocks him into a jackknife cover for two. Not that it matters as the Clothesline ends Shannon a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. Pretty much a squash here and at least they pinned Shannon. The tag team isn’t doing Matt any favors but the ship has pretty much sailed for him anyway, at least with Version 1. If they’re going to build up the APA with wins like this and then feed them to bigger teams, it’s not the worst idea in the world.

The butler brings the APA a tray of beer.

Video on Lesnar vs. Angle, including Brock pushing Gowen down the steps last week.

Next week: Shaniqua vs. Torrie Wilson/Nidia. Uh, yeah.

Brock Lesnar vs. Stephanie McMahon

Vince handles the intros and plays up the drama about Stephanie fighting or quitting. Naturally Stephanie comes out to fight (Cole cites her being in wrestling gear as proof) and Vince isn’t sure what to think. Vince laughs off the idea that Stephanie is here to fight, basically daring her to keep defying him.

She slaps Vince and drops Brock with a low blow, because of course she does. Vince takes a low blow of his own but Brock catches her while she tries to escape. Brock throws Stephanie into the barricade and throws the steps at her, but Stephanie’s cat like reflexes get her to safety. Instead Brock loads up the F5 into the post until Kurt Angle runs in for the save. You know, the guy not on the show tonight. A quick brawl sends Lesnar and Vince running to end the show. No match as the bell never rang.

What is this Vince vs. Stephanie feud even about anymore? It’s to the point where they’re fighting because they’ve been fighting for months and I’m struggling to remember why it’s happening in the first place. Something about Vince being a horrible father and her not wanting him to abuse Gowen the same way? That’s not a feud that needs to still be going three or four months later but it’s still the driving force on these shows. Trying to make Stephanie into a hero or this sympathetic role model isn’t working and it’s not getting any better. Find someone else to do this with already, or at least do it better.

Overall Rating: B. Stephanie mess aside, this was a heck of a show with the missing half hour helping a lot. You got a nice mixture of styles with the brawl in the parking lot, the hard hitting Benoit vs. Rhyno match and the fast paced opener. That’s a good balance of stuff and makes the show a lot more entertaining to watch.

The main event stuff though….not so much. If you want to do something like this, have Stephanie vs. Linda Miles, which still makes her look like a big underdog but not so much of an underdog that it’s ridiculous. No one realistically thought Brock was going to beat the heck out of Stephanie, but they might believe Miles could do it. Have that match and Brock and Angle as seconds. You can do a quick “match” with the same story (Vince chairs Angle down, Brock goes after Stephanie, same finish to the show). Was anyone going to miss Linda vs. Dawn from earlier? Other than that mess, good show here with the time helping a lot.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: August 28, 2003
Location: Haskins Center, El Paso, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Summerslam is over and done with and this show has to be better than Raw. I know Smackdown hasn’t been great in recent weeks but this week’s Raw was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Kurt Angle could sit in the ring, read a newspaper and have a watercress sandwich and it would still beat Raw so they don’t have much of a bar to defeat. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero, who parks his car outside to make the already rabid fans wait on him a little longer. Eddie comes in through the crowd and is the biggest face to face around here in a LONG time (which isn’t much of a stretch as he’s been the hottest act on the show for months now). In a funny bit, Eddie hugs Tazz but ignores Cole before putting a sombrero on him. Eddie’s family is in the front row and my goodness this is one of the best receptions you’ll see in wrestling. I know it’s his hometown but the fans absolutely love Eddie. It gets even better when he greets them in Spanish and says he’s at home.

This is where lying, cheating and stealing started and we hear the Guerrero family history of his great, great grandmother walking the streets of El Paso, possibly after illegally jumping the border. One day a cop stopped her and asked if she belonged there. That earned the cop a tongue lashing in Spanish but she was just saying of course she belonged in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

That was the first ever Guerrero lie but then she had to take the citizenship test. It was all in English though so she looked over at the other grandmother….and beat the heck out of her before stealing the answers to become a citizen. Finally, as she was leaving the office, she saw a low rider. Eddie: “Ok they didn’t have low riders back then. It was a donkey.” This brings out John Cena, who is in WAY over his head here.

Cena makes his usual gay jokes and Eddie just smiles at him. He threatens to call border patrol and that’s a bit too far for Guerrero. Cena thinks Eddie should be a citizen before being the US Champion. A fight with Cena would be a setback because he would leave him with a broken…..well it rhymes with setback.

Eddie isn’t about to have Cena talk about his raza like that and accuses Cena of thinking he’s more of an American. Cena calms him down and talks Eddie into a US Title match later tonight. Cena implies he’ll leave with Eddie’s sister and the brawl is on. Eddie steals Cena’s jersey before rapping at him about how Cena will taste defeat thanks to the Latino Heat.

This was a GREAT face turn as Eddie is one of the most charismatic guys on the roster and the fans have been begging to cheer him for months now. Doing this to open the show in Eddie’s hometown was the perfect move and exactly how it should have gone. Oh and the stuff about the grandmother was hilarious.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Nunzio

Rey is def….hang on I need a minute. Rey is defending. Sorry I haven’t had to say that in a long time and I was out of practice. Cole mentions that Rey defended the title last night on Heat, which wasn’t important enough to mention in advance. The referee ejects the other Italians to make sure this is one on one. Nunzio takes him down without much effort to start and gets two off a harder clothesline than I thought Nunzio could pull off.

Back up and Rey sends him outside for a corkscrew dive over the top. A baseball slide is caught though and Nunzio drops him ribs first onto the barricade. Nunzio cranks on the arms for a bit but Rey fights up without much effort. Rey goes a little too fast though and the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb (which Cole calls a gutbuster and a spinebuster) for two. A pinfall reversal sequence gets two each but Nunzio puts him on top. The belly to back superplex is reversed and Rey Drops the Dime to retain.

Rating: B-. Short match but they were rolling with the time they had. Nunzio is a talented guy and someone who can wrestle a surprisingly good match against a host of opponents. Mysterio is of course excellent but the Cruiserweight Title isn’t doing him any good. The fact that there’s no competition other than an occasional match doesn’t help either, but that’s the flaw with the title in general.

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

A-Train has Sable in his corner, wearing a very short dress. Benoit gets thrown around with ease to start so of course he charges right at A-Train with more chops. A-Train throws him onto his shoulder to drive Benoit ribs first into the buckle and a single kick puts Benoit on the floor. The announcers make sex jokes about Sable as A-Train gets two off a double underhook gutbuster.

Instead of following up though, A-Train pulled a buckle pad off. Some chops and a German suplex give Benoit a breather and there’s the Swan Dive for two. Benoit it sent back first into the exposed buckle so the Derailer can get two. That’s fine with Benoit, who Crossfaces A-Train for the tap, despite A-Train’s legs being underneath the ropes.

Rating: C. So their method for building A-Train up is by having him lose most of his big matches? Such is life in WWE and that gets a little tiring. I mean, I know it’s just A-Train but if you want him to be a monster, I’d like to see more than him beating Stephanie in a “match”. Of course WWE thinks that means the world but it’s not exactly reality.

During the break, A-Train yelled at Benoit for not being able to beat him. A fight is about to break out but it’s a ruse so Rhyno can Gore Benoit through a door. What did Benoit do to get stuck with these feuds?

Eddie’s tire has been stolen and he accuses various people, eventually decking Johnny the Bull for smiling a bit too much.

Here’s Brock Lesnar for a chat, but only after telling us to shut up and sit down because he has something to say. Since Summerslam, everywhere he goes, he’s been told he tapped out. That’s quite the list of places in four days. Brock accidentally starts the YOU TAPPED OUT chant and he’s sick of it. Summerslam was a fluke, a mirage and a miracle because he’s never tapped out in his life.

Brock is no quitter, unlike everyone here who quits looking for jobs after they don’t find one immediately (kind of an odd choice of an insult but no one ever accused Brock of being a good talker). He’s been told there’s no shame in tapping out to an Olympic champion. Brock: “I’M BROCK LESNAR AND I’M SPECIAL!” He’s demanding a title rematch and insults Angle’s ears for not coming out here immediately.

Angle pops up on screen and says Brock sounds like a baby who lost his rattle. He thinks the fans want to see action…..like when he beat Brock at Summerslam. Angle offers to come out here and make Brock tap again but here’s Undertaker instead. It’s time for Brock to go to the back of the line because Undertaker hasn’t had a title shot in a long time. Now Brock is standing in Undertaker’s yard but before anything can happen, here’s Big Show to interrupt. Does he come with the show like parsley with a steak?

Show talks about hurting more people than anyone ever has but here’s Angle to keep this segment going even longer. Angle talks about wanting to face any of these people, all of whom he would make tap. He wants someone to make a decision….so here’s Stephanie, who is in charge tonight because Vince is gone. Isn’t that always supposed to be the case? Anyway it’s a triple threat for the #1 contendership later tonight. This was WAY longer than it needed to be and really only served to prove that Lesnar is a really bad talker.

During the break, Cena (now in a fresh jersey with a matching hat) denies any involvement with stealing Eddie’s tire.

US Title: John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending and Cena comes out carrying a tire. Cole: “If this isn’t evidence, I don’t know what is.” You should need a license to be that stupid. Of course Cena stole it but unlike Eddie, he got away with it. That would be another stupid line. Eddie runs out and starts fast, busting Cena open in a hurry with some shots to the head.

The slingshot hilo connects and Eddie pounds at the cut in the corner. The ProtoBomb gets Cena out of trouble and a hard clothesline makes things even worse for the champ. Eddie gets in a few kicks and sends Cena outside but takes a bit too long, allowing Cena to hit him in the leg. That just earns him a ram into the announcers’ table to draw a little more blood. Eddie brings his tire in but it’s just a ruse to get in a chair to Cena’s back. The fans eat this up with a cuchara but the frog splash misses.

Back from an abrupt break with Cena holding a double chickenwing. A delayed vertical suplex gets two and Cena bearhugs him down for two arm drops. Eddie is back up with a suplex of his own and the FU is countered into a hurricanrana. The referee gets bumped and OF COURSE the frog splash connects a few seconds later. That means a delayed two, followed by the Three Amigos but Cena hits him low for the DQ.

Rating: B. Cena wasn’t ready to hang with Eddie in a long match (to be fair, not many people were on their best day) but Eddie is more than capable of carrying him to a good match. The rematch could be better but for a first match, this was about as good as it was going to get. At least neither lost clean though.

Post match Cena hits him with the chain to bust Eddie open. An FU onto the tire and it’s big rim makes it even worse.

We look back at Brock destroying Zach Gowen last week, making me a much bigger Lesnar fan in the process.

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

The winner gets Angle next week. Angle comes out to join commentary and the match starts after a break. Better than having thirty seconds of action and then going into a break. Back with Undertaker getting double teamed, including Brock hitting some shoulders in the corner. Show throws Undertaker down with a suplex so Brock can steal a near fall. You can imagine how well this goes and it starts with Undertaker being sent out to the floor.

Brock suplexes Show for two with Undertaker making the quick save. Undertaker starts slugging away and hits a jumping clothesline on Show (Angle: “Undertaker would probably miss me on that one.”) but Brock takes him down. Show decks Lesnar but Undertaker reverses a chokeslam into a Fujiwara armbar.

That’s broken up as well (they’re certainly not deviating from a pattern here) and Undertaker is knocked outside with his hands getting caught in the ropes. Show chairs Undertaker down and growls a lot as we take a break. Back with Brock on the floor and some right hands rocking Show. A triangle choke puts Show in trouble so Brock makes another save. The chokeslam gets two with Show pulling the referee out and then chokeslamming Undertaker for two of his own.

An F5 lays out Undertaker and Show makes ANOTHER save. Show chokeslams Brock for two and the kickout sends him up top for what looks to be a super chokeslam. Undertaker saves the ring from being broken and everyone is down with Show crotched on top. Brock goes up for a superplex of his own but gets caught in the Last Ride, leaving Show to fall off the top as Undertaker pins Lesnar.

Rating: D+. The constant near falls weren’t really dramatic or anything as you knew it was going to be something big to get to the finish. It was entertaining enough though and that’s a lot more than you can say about a lot of these matches. That being said, was there ANY reason not to have Big Show take the pin here? I mean….it’s Big Show. Suddenly we’re protecting him?

Angle and Undertaker do the big staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It was nowhere near perfect but this was an entertaining show. Swap out the horrible Lesnar promo with pretty much anything else and this show is a lot better but what we got was fine. Make no mistake about it though: this was the Eddie Guerrero Show with the hometown crowd loving their hero like no one I’ve seen in a long time. Some of the stories have me interested and that’s a nice feeling, especially after the mess that was Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.

James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.

Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.

Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.

John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.

Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.

Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.

Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.

The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.

Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.

Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.

At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.

Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.

Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.

Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.

Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.

Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.

Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.

Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.

Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.

Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……

And a gong strikes. That’s why.

As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 7, 2003
Location: Skyreach Place, Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

Smackdown has some work to do to catch up with Raw, which announced an Elimination Chamber match for the upcoming Summerslam. Tonight Smackdown has a big match of its own though with Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon in a cage with Kurt Angle as guest referee. Why that’s a big deal isn’t clear, but note that we’ll be having two McMahons in main events this week, meaning the ratings should be through the roof. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kurt Angle giving Brock a rematch for the title but being cut off by Vince. For some reason Vince agreed to face Brock in a cage tonight. You really can feel the shenanigans coming here and in this case that works best. Just because you can see the ending doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

Opening sequence.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title despite Benoit asking for the title to be on the line. Eddie picks the leg to start and they hit the mat for a technical sequence as you might have expected from these two. The Canadian fans are VERY pro-Benoit (well duh) but an Eddie chant pops up as well because Eddie is just on another level at this point.

Benoit backdrops his way out of a wristlock and Eddie bails to the ropes before Benoit can grab a hold of his own. Instead some insanely loud chops have Eddie begging for time out but he’s still able to snapmare him down and take over again. A slingshot hilo and belly to back suplex give Eddie two and it’s off to an armbar.

Back up and Benoit grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker (stealing both Eddie’s move and gimmick), followed by a very hard powerbomb. Cue Rhyno to break up the Swan Dive but Benoit avoids the frog splash. A dive takes Rhyno down, only to have Tajiri come in and take Eddie down for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Even with the lame ending, Eddie vs. Benoit in any form is worth seeing. They didn’t have very long here but they managed to get something out of it because they’re that popular. Having the Canadian fans cheer for Eddie shows you what kind of a roll he’s on at the moment and that’s an incredibly positive sign for Guerrero. It’s also a good sign that they were doing the technical stuff here, making the US Title feel more like the wrestlers’ title. Almost no title has an identity and this one having such a thing and doing it well so far hopefully is a sign of things to come.

They keep brawling but Sgt. Slaughter of all people (like Stephanie would lower herself to this) says we’re going to restart this as a tag match. Now I need to see Slaughter doing the Teddy Long dance.

Chris Benoit/Tajiri vs. Rhyno/Eddie Guerrero

Joined in progress with Benoit getting the Crossface on Rhyno and Eddie having to make a save. Eddie comes in legally with a hurricanrana but Tajiri makes a save this time around. A baseball slide dropkick takes Eddie’s knee out and now Tajiri can come in legally. The handspring elbow drops Rhyno as they’re working a very nice pace to start things off.

Tajiri goes after Eddie but gets run over by Rhyno. That just earns him a Tarantula but Eddie is there with a dropkick for his own save. Rhyno actually puts on a Sharpshooter, drawing Benoit in to protect Canada’s honor. He’s fine with Eddie’s half crab though, suggesting that he’s not much of a Lance Storm fan. Rhyno comes in for some forearms as Benoit’s save attempt goes nowhere.

Instead it’s Eddie getting backdropped to the floor and Tajiri makes the tag, albeit thanks to Rhyno knocking him into Benoit. With Benoit on the floor, Rhyno powerbombs Tajiri but gets misted (with the referee looking at them). Eddie didn’t see the tag and frog splashes the illegal Tajiri, only to get caught in the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: B-. It was certainly a creative ending and odds are this sets up a big title match, perhaps with all four fighting at the same time. As mentioned earlier, this is the kind of wrestling that makes the show a lot more interesting and I’d really like to see it happen a lot more often. Benoit and Eddie are the wrestlers so it’s a smart idea to throw in a striker like Tajiri and a power guy like Rhyno to really even things out.

Josh Matthews (looking as stupid as I’ve ever seen him with two necklaces and an earring) asks Kurt Angle about some rumors, but Kurt cuts him off. Kurt has been hearing rumors about Josh, scotch tape, two midgets and a picture of Justin Timberlake that still keeps him up nights. He’s heard the rumors about Brock, who he still considers a friend. A big stupid friend at times, but still a friend. They’re going to resolve their issues face to face though.

Zach Gowen vs. Nunzio

Matt Hardy, who puts ketchup on one fry at a time and is a better commentator than Michael Cole, is on commentary and brought Shannon Moore with him. Gowen takes him down to the mat to start but is easily powered into the corner. Nunzio grabs the leg and mocks his inability to sweep the other leg as Matt complains about having to share the stage with a sideshow freak. As cruel as he sounds, there’s really nothing wrong about what he says.

A quick leglock is broken up and Nunzio sends him outside. Gowen gets turned inside out with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. Matt: “Everybody knows that Matt Hardy’s career has more legs underneath it than Zach Gowen’s.”. Back up and Nunzio crotches himself and a middle rope moonsault hits him in the ropes. A leg lariat and a middle rope Fameasser both get the same. Gowen grabs a neckbreaker but has to elbow Shannon down, allowing Nunzio to hit a top rope dropkick for the pin.

Rating: C-. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale and that’s the problem: you have to adjust everything for Gowen and the matches are only going to be so good. He has to have a select group of opponents and his offense is almost all based around that one leg. It’s nothing special in the first place and when your entire character is based around your one trait, it’s not like you have much of a shelf life. Gowen is incredible impressive, but this isn’t going to work for very long.

Post match, Gowen takes another Twist of Fate.

Undertaker finds Sable sitting on Vince’s laugh and asks her to leave. He’s not happy with Vince sending A-Train after Stephanie so the little “oil hoochie” could get a win at Vengeance. If Undertaker was part of the family, he’d have already beaten the heck out of Vince. The boss is about to tell Undertaker what he can do with that opinion when Funaki comes running in to say Brock has been attacked. Angle and the FBI are near him and Vince gives Kurt a look without saying anything. You can feel the twist coming from here and it’s still working just fine.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Undertaker beat him at Vengeance in a match that hurt a lot of Cena’s credibility. Cena’s rap implies he wants to force sexual acts onto Undertaker. The big man wastes no time in sending him into the corner and the slow beating begins. He starts in on Cena’s shoulder as the fans think Cena sucks. A hard clothesline looks to set up Old School but Cena pulls him down, somehow knowing what to expect.

Cena starts in on the knee, only to get his arm pulled down again. A lifting wristlock keeps Undertaker in trouble as they must have a long time here. Now Old School connects and the slow paced beating heads outside. Totally one sided so far. Back in and Undertaker actually takes him all the way to the top for a superplex but Undertaker bangs up his own ribs.

Back from a break with Cena in control and pounding on the ribs. They had something here with Cena having such a basic offense but sticking with it because it was the most logical thing he had. Undertaker shrugs it off and posts Cena on the floor because he’s had enough of being on defense for now. In a good example of everything wrong with commentary, Cole keeps mentioning the bad ribs and Tazz yells at him for saying it over and over. Heaven forbid he tell a story or something.

The Throwback gives Cena two but a big boot and elbow give Undertaker the same. Cena’s spinebuster goes back to the ribs but Undertaker mounts him for some rights and lefts. The Last Ride is broken up and the ref is bumped. Now didn’t we all know something like that was coming? The chokeslam gets no cover and it’s A-Train coming in for a bicycle kick and a backbreaker. That’s only good for two on Undertaker so he tries the Tombstone, only to get reversed into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. They really didn’t need this much time, especially with the arm work going nowhere. Undertaker vs. A-Train isn’t going to be much to see and this seemed to be more about setting that up than helping Cena. That being said, it helped a lot to have Cena get the win off his own move instead of A-Train’s. Cena needed a win like this and you knew full well they weren’t giving Cena a clean pin, either here or at the pay per view. The match wasn’t very good because of the slow pace and the ending didn’t really help things.

Jamie Noble vs. Doug Basham

Shaniqua gives Doug a spank for inspiration and the announcers laugh the whole thing off. Jamie, apparently a face for getting to sleep with Torrie and Nidia (ok they’ve got something there), kicks Doug away but gets caught with some crossface shots to the head. A Vader Bomb elbow gives Doug two as Tazz goes on and on about what Shaniqua does with the Bashams.

The move that would become known as Wasteland gives Doug two and we hit the chinlock. Jamie fights up with a clothesline and dropkick for a near fall each. A top rope elbow looks to finish but Danny distracts the referee. Not that it matters as Jamie gets a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. Commentary made this one insufferable and I don’t see it getting much better. I’m sure there was nothing better for WWE to do than spend years on the Bashams in OVW before bringing them up as unintentionally comedic sex characters. On top of that they’re apparently feuding with a team that got together over group sex. Oh and the boss is having an affair with his mistress. You really shouldn’t need so much of the same theme on one show.

Post match the beatdown is on until Billy Gunn makes the save.

Angle denies attacking Lesnar. I’d believe him.

Next week, Haas and Benjamin defend against Mysterio and Kidman. That would be another week where the Cruiserweight Title isn’t so much as mentioned.

Rey Mysterio vs. Charlie Haas

Non-title of course. Haas takes him down without much effort to start and takes Rey’s head off with a hard clothesline. A hard whip into the corner starts working on Rey’s back and it’s off to something like a torture rack with Tazz referencing the luchador Atlantis of all people. Back up and Charlie misses a charge, allowing Rey to hit a springboard flipping seated senton for two, followed by a springboard spinning crossbody (with Haas having to run over to catch him). The 619 connects but a hurricanrana is countered into the Haas of Pain for the tap.

Rating: C. Charlie got to show off here and a clean win over Mysterio is quite the accomplishment. It’s a very good sign that both he and Benjamin can have solid singles matches and more proof of how great an amateur background is. Even if nothing else is working, just taking them down to the mat is a good way to get through parts of a match. Mysterio as a tag guy is fine, but get the title off of him already. The problem though is finding someone to put it on as the division basically doesn’t exist. On a related note, what the heck happened to Ultimo Dragon? He was around all of two weeks and then vanished.

The cage is lowered.

We recap Brock’s injury.

Angle leaves Vince’s office.

Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon

In a cage with Angle as guest referee. Brock looks banged up but is easily able to shove Vince down twice in a row. The F5 is loaded up but Brock collapses. Angle won’t count the cover so Vince slaps him, earning himself an ankle lock. Brock of course nips up and F5’s Angle for the pretty obvious (not a bad thing) heel turn. No rating as the match doesn’t really end and wasn’t exactly a match in the first place.

A long, long beatdown ends the show. This is definitely the right move as Brock wasn’t working as the good guy and Lesnar vs. Angle II with Lesnar as the heel could be a lot more interesting. One last note: Brock and Vince pose with the camera panning from Vince’s face to Brock’s, who looks completely maniacal with his eyes bugging out for a really creepy visual.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some very solid wrestling on here (see the first half hour) and Brock turning heel is a good move as Brock just wasn’t working in the role. Him working as Vince’s heavy is a far better use for his talents and gives him some new people to work against. At the same time though, anything below the midcard is basically death at the moment with stuff like Noble and Gunn being goofy wastes of time and Gowen still riding on momentum even though the foot was taken off the gas a long time ago. Get some better stuff on the bottom part of the card and Smackdown could be awesome all over again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 31, 2003
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the very good Vengeance and that means it’s time to gear up for Summerslam. The big story is Kurt Angle regaining the Smackdown World Title when he pinned Brock Lesnar. Other than that we have the continuing saga of the McMahons, which hopefully is kept on a leash again this week. We need to get ready for Summerslam though so let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package of Sunday’s main event.

Opening sequence.

We look at Eddie Guerrero splitting with Tajiri, who gets a US Title shot tonight.

Here’s Angle to open things up. After taking in some cheers, Angle talks about what it means to become WWE Champion for the fourth time. But really, was there any doubt? Kurt: “I’m Kurt freaking Angle! What did you expect???”. This title means more to him than any other because of the injury but here he is! Tonight is a dream come true but here’s Brock Lesnar with something to say.

Brock admits that Angle beat him but brings up Lesnar being there with him throughout his entire rehab. That’s why Brock is out here to challenge Angle face to face and man to man for his one on one title rematch. Angle says there’s a lot to consider and a lot of people deserve a shot. Angle: “So Brock, I just don’t think that ok you’re on.”. Well that was an abrupt shift.

This brings out Vince McMahon though and he has some bad news for Brock. Earlier today, Angle came to his office and begged him not to give Lesnar a rematch. Vince likes that line of thinking so Lesnar gets no shot. If Brock wants it, he can earn it down the line but tonight, Lesnar and Angle are facing a team of Vince’s choosing. Somehow, this took fifteen minutes.

Summerslam ad featuring Brock Lesnar F5ing a shark. That always gives me a chuckle.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio

Non-title again because Rey never defends the stupid thing. Rey takes him down to start without much trouble but an early 619 attempt doesn’t work. Shelton sends Rey shoulder first into the post (underneath the bottom rope for a change) and Charlie Haas gets in a few shots to the bad arm. A shoulder breaker and a regular slam get two before it’s off to a hammerlock.

Rey sends him shoulder first into the post as well though and things are a bit more even. Shelton’s pop up….something is countered into a seated senton for a sweet reversal but Shelton takes him down by the arm again. Benjamin grabs a rather unique looking hold as it’s kind of like a crossface chickenwing but with his legs instead of his arm to wrap up Rey’s arm. Kidman and Haas get in a fight on the floor as the 619 connects. The West Coast Pop is broken up but Rey settles for a victory roll and the pin.

Rating: C+. Like this wasn’t going to be good. I could go for Rey actually defending the Cruiserweight Title but if we keep getting solid outings like this, I can live with it a little bit more. Benjamin wrestling on the mat with more holds and submissions is a good idea for him, as long as he keeps up the athletic stuff as well.

We look back at Jamie Noble defeating Billy Gunn on Sunday, earning him a night with Torrie Wilson.

Jamie is at the hotel, in a cowboy hat and white boxers, getting everything ready. Torrie shows up (my goodness she spends a lot of time winding up in hotel rooms) so Jamie opens the briefcase of toys. This includes leopard print handcuffs, a paddle, something to tickle with, and a Lone Ranger mask. Torrie runs to the bathroom before she’s sick. I guess she’s a Zorro fan.

Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Hang on a second though as Rhyno pops up on screen to say he’s tired of being treated like a joke. He has a warm up match for Benoit and this man knows something about jokes.

Chris Benoit vs. Doink the Clown

It’s Nick (Eugene) Dinsmore, who was basically a Benoit clone in OVW, down to using German suplexes and a Crossface for his finishers. Benoit gets tired of waiting on Doink to pull out the rubber chicken and runs him over. A hard clothesline (Benoit: “RHYNO!!!”) takes Doink’s head off (but the wig stays on) and a top rope belly to back superplex knocks Doink silly. The Swan Dive into the Crossface is good for the Benoit win.

Benoit takes his time letting go of the hold. Post match Benoit says he’s ready for Rhyno, who says Benoit doesn’t get what he wants.

Jamie is laying on the bed (with leopard print sheets of course) when Torrie comes out, still in her street clothes (I’m not sure what street someone would be on dressed like that). Nidia comes to the door though and says she’s here to win Noble back with some, ahem, female prowess. She drops her fur coat to reveal some lingerie and dives on Jamie as Torrie can’t help but watch.

Brock asks Angle if he talked to Vince earlier. As I try to figure out why Brock waited the better part of an hour to ask this, Angle says he did talk to Vince and says Vince should keep the major risk in mind. The rematch is still on but Angle has an idea for how Lesnar can get his rematch. It doesn’t make much more sense when Angle says it either.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Tajiri

Eddie is defending and there’s almost no way to hide the fact that he’s the most popular act on the show. The hydraulics in the car don’t work though….because Tajiri was hiding in the trunk and mists Eddie in the aisle. The brawl is on in a hurry but the trainer comes out to check on Eddie’s eyes, drawing an EDDIE chant. Eddie: “I CAN’T SEE!!!” Trainer, holding up three fingers: “How many fingers am I holding up?” Eddie, to the referee: “WILL YOU TELL HIM I CAN’T SEE THE THREE FINGERS HE’S HOLDING UP???”. That’s enough for the referee, who says Eddie either wrestles or loses the title.

We’re joined in progress after a break with Tajiri kicking away and kicking Eddie into the Tree of Woe. More kicks stagger Eddie until he pulls Tajiri face first into the buckle. Eddie gets into a rhythm and sends Tajiri outside for some shots to the back while trying not to make the fans cheer him even more. The slingshot hilo gives Eddie two and we’re off to a chinlock.

Eddie takes too much time going up and gets kicked in the leg, setting up a heck of a top rope superplex. Tajiri is so banged up that Eddie is on his feet first, only to get monkey flipped out to the floor. A hard whip sends Eddie into the steps and Tajiri kicks him in the head for painful measure. Back in and Tajiri scores with the handspring elbow, followed by a tornado DDT for a very delayed two.

We hit the Three Amigos but Tajiri slips out of the third and grabs the Tarantula. With the hold broken, Eddie grabs the referee so he can kick Tajiri low. The referee yells a lot and accidentally gets misted for his efforts. A belt shot to the head drops Tajiri and Eddie pours water in the referee’s eyes. The frog splash retains Eddie’s title.

Rating: B. You kind of knew these two were going to have a good match with each other and I’m glad to see Tajiri getting some exposure like this. The ending might have been a bit messier than it needed to be but it’s a very entertaining way to give Eddie his first title defense. I’m hoping Tajiri gets to do something else because he’s had a very successful summer.

We get a Confidential video on Zach Gowen. He loved wrestling, then he got cancer and lost his leg, then he kept fighting, then he got into wrestling anyway. It’s an amazing story but I think we’ve gotten the idea by now. This eats up over five minutes.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

I do miss Out Of My Way as Gowen’s theme song. Moore has Matt, whose favorite season is summer and who is twice the wrestler Zach Gowen is, in his corner. Shannon takes him down and hops around on one foot, earning himself a dropkick to the floor. Back in and Gowen’s tornado DDT is countered into a suplex into the corner for a big crash. Matt offers a trip to cut off a comeback but Gowen hits a leg lariat anyway. A moonsault press gives Gowen two and he dropkicks Matt down, only to get rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C. Gowen is better than you would guess and could be more than just a novelty performer but he’s only going to get so far with having one thing to talk about all the time. The match wasn’t bad either but I’m not sure how many people Gowen can realistically fight as he’s very small, ignoring the leg point. Enjoy it while it lasts though.

John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

Before the match, Cena challenges Undertaker to a rematch next week and suggests various sexual contact between Undertaker and Jordan. Orlando punches him before the bell and gets dropped ribs first over the top. Some shots to the ribs slow Cena down but he grabs the ropes to avoid being rolled up. Cena shrugs off some right hands and hits the FU for the easy pin.

A rather disheveled but still clothed Torrie seems to have been drinking all night. Jamie and Nidia come out of the shower and are willing to allow Torrie to join them. Torrie downs another glass of champagne but there’s a knock at the door. It’s a rather angry Billy Gunn, who hugs Torrie….as the other two are at it again.

Brock comes in to see Vince and says he can beat the boss to earn a rematch with Angle. Vince will take the rematch under consideration but the match is on. Brock leaves and Vince makes a phone call.

Back at the hotel….all four of them are in bed together. That would be the third woman Torrie has had at least some form of a relationship with in less than a year.

Here’s Sable to brag about winning and call Stephanie a pussycat. She’s the dominant female and we see a clip of Sunday’s match, which Sable won thanks to A-Train. Sable: “Thanks Vince.” She introduces Vince’s team for tonight and we’re ready to go.

A-Train/Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar/Kurt Angle

Brock doesn’t have any wrist tape and it’s a weird look for him. A-Train shoves Angle down to start as the SHAVE YOUR BACK chants start up. A shoulder runs Angle over but he misses a charge in the corner and gets his ankle locked. Lesnar comes in for a double shoulder, followed by more shoulders to A-Train in the corner. A-Train charges into a powerslam (he needs to stop the charging) and it’s back to Angle, who gets caught in a backbreaker.

Show finally does something by decking Angle from the apron, allowing A-Train to get in a bicycle kick. Now it’s Show coming in and running Angle over before chopping him hard in the corner. Angle’s right hands have little effect as Show cuts him off with a side slam. A Warrior Splash gives A-Train two but Angle catches him with a suplex, allowing the hot tag to Brock. Some rapid fire belly to belly suplexes cut A-Train off and there’s the F5 to Show. Angle tags himself in though and steals the pin like a jerk.

Rating: D. Just a main event tag match with little drama here as it might as well have been the Mega Powers vs. the Twin Towers. We’ve seen Angle and Lesnar beat these two in every possible combination so far so I’m not sure how much doubt there was on something like this. At least the ending helped advance things a bit.

Brock gives Angle an F5 and here’s Vince to say the match next week will be in a cage. Oh and Angle can be guest referee. Brock’s “I done screwed up” look ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a bit up and down as the US Title stuff was rather solid and the Mysterio vs. Benjamin match was entertaining. However, you then have the main event (which was more uneventful than bad), the hotel stuff (which did feature Torrie in some rather fetching attire) and the WAY too long Gowen section. The lack of Vince vs. Stephanie drama helped so much though and it was much more of a good show with some weak spots.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Vengeance 2003
Date: July 27, 2003
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the first ever Smackdown exclusive pay per view and for once I’m actually looking forward to it. They’ve done a much better job than usual of setting things up and there are multiple matches that could do quite well. The main event is Big Show vs. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar for Brock’s Smackdown World Title, but there’s also some major focus on Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen for reasons of testing my patience. Let’s get to it.

We open with people talking about working their whole lives to get here. Big names too, like Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, and Stephanie McMahon. Vince then narrates a video, ranting about how this is his company and no one is going to get the better of him. I’d rather hear more about how hard Stephanie had it as a kid and how much she had to fight through to get here.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Tournament final to crown the inaugural champion. The referee actually brings them to the middle and explains the rules, which is about as rare of a sight today as Stephanie not running her mouth. Benoit’s eyes seem to be fine after the whole attempt at blinding him a few days ago. Eddie hides in the corner to start until Benoit hits a heck of a shoulder, sending Eddie bailing to the floor.

Back in and Benoit starts in on the arm before winning a test of strength. Eddie slips out and spins around Benoit into a legsweep so smooth that I could barely tell what he did. A pinfall reversal sequence gets some near falls on Benoit, sending him outside for a bit of swearing. Back in and Eddie headlocks him down but gets caught in a shoulder breaker. Benoit still can’t get the Crossface as Eddie gets to the ropes just in time.

Eddie bails to the floor but Benoit is right there with a dive to put both guys down. Back in and Eddie gets caught in a half nelson of all things (leave it to Benoit to make something like that look painful) before going with a hard chop instead. Eddie is right back up with a hurricanrana out of the corner to take over again. The announcers talk about some technical difficulty but it’s been cleaned up on the Network version.

We hit an armbar on Benoit before Eddie pokes him in the eye, which Cole calls a slap. Benoit’s eyes are fine enough to take Eddie up top for a belly to back superplex. The rolling German suplexes set up the Crossface but Eddie gets a boot onto the ropes. Eddie is right back up with Three Amigos, followed by a top rope superplex to put both guys down again. The frog splash only kind of misses as Eddie’s arm hits Benoit as he rolls away, meaning both guys are down again.

One heck of a powerbomb gives Benoit two and now the Crossface goes on again but Eddie is right next to the ropes for a third time. The ref gets bumped though and it’s time to bring in the belt. A belt shot sets up the frog splash for a delayed two, giving us a great stunned face from Eddie. With the referee still down, Eddie brings in the belt again…and hits the referee in the back.

Eddie throws the belt onto Benoit and lays down. Now, this might be a fine idea in theory but considering an errant forearm put the referee down for about two minutes, we could be waiting until the Rumble for him to get up again. Benoit pops up and grabs the Crossface to make Eddie tap but of course there’s no one to see it. A German suplex drops Eddie and Benoit tries the Swan Dive, only to have Eddie pull the referee in the way. Cue Rhyno to Gore Benoit in the big screwjob, allowing Eddie to hit the frog splash for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. They were on the way to a masterpiece here when they messed it up with all of the overbooking. You could have completely eliminated at least one of the belt/ref bump things and gotten to Rhyno sooner and the match would have felt tighter. On the more positive side though, this match ran over twenty two minutes and felt like it was about half of that. It never dragged once and that’s one of the hardest things to accomplish in wrestling. Great match and a forgotten classic of an opener.

Stephanie (in a t-shirt for a very rare visual) comes in to see Vince, who is smelling flowers. Bickering ensues and Stephanie DOES NOT want to talk about Linda. Vince is going to Raw to confront Kane. It turns out the flowers are for Stephanie, who calls them nice in a rather aggressive way. Actually the roses are for Sable, but the small bouquet of dried out daises are for Stephanie.

We recap Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble, which REALLY doesn’t warrant a recap video. If nothing else, they should be showing more shots of Torrie rather than Jamie. Basically Noble wants to sleep with Torrie and has offered her thousands of dollars. Torrie finally agreed to sleep with him if he can beat Billy tonight.

Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie brings a briefcase of everything he’ll need for a great night with Torrie. Billy kicks it into his face before opening it up to reveal….I’m going to leave that to your imaginations actually. Billy takes him inside for a wheelbarrow faceplant but misses a splash in the corner. Jamie tries a dive to the floor but gets caught, only to have Billy’s knee give out. Cue Nidia as Jamie cranks on the bad knee.

Billy jumps over a kick to the leg and hits a heck of a cobra clutch slam (take that Jinder) to put both guys down. The Fameasser misses so Billy settles for a cutter for two. Jamie gets in a super DDT but Nidia puts Billy’s foot on the ropes. Torrie comes over for some reason and gets kissed, causing Noble to get slapped back and forth. Back up and Billy gets rammed into Torrie, setting up a rollup with Jamie’s hands on the tights (I saw no pulling) for the pin.

Rating: D. They kept it short and while that made it feel like a TV match, this was much more about getting in and out and moving on. Gunn continues to feel way out of place on these shows while Jamie is doing what he can with a pretty stupid character. You can tell this story is going to continue and while it’s not thrilling, it’s better than letting Billy do anything more important.

The APA isn’t happy with Brooklyn Brawler beating them down on Thursday but invite Funaki anyway. Funaki: “What should I wear?” Bradshaw: “Come as a Japanese reporter who wrestlers part time.” The Easter Bunny walks up (I believe bunnies are supposed to HOP!) and Bradshaw thinks this is going to be fun.

APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl

Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brooklyn Brawler, Chuck Palumbo, Brother Love, Chris Kanyon, Conquistador Dos, Conquistador Uno, Danny Basham, Doink the Clown, Doug Basham, Easter Bunny, Funaki, John Hennigan, Johnny Stamboli, Shannon Moore, Nunzio, Matt Cappatelli, Matt Hardy, Orlando Jordan, Sean O’Haire, Spanky

The Conquistadors are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter (of the Spirit Squad), Doink is Nick Dinsmore and the Easter Bunny is Aaron Stevens (Damien Sandow). There’s a big bar set up, complete with bottles, some tables, a big saloon sign and a lamp. Everyone is handed a beer as they come in, including Hardy, who hates barfights. The last man drinking wins here because Bradshaw wants to test their livers.

Before we get going though, Love wants a benediction. After he’s done insulting the APA and asking forgiveness, he breaks a stool over the Conquistadors’ backs. Welcome to the main roster guys. Most people are standing around drinking but some are beating the heck out of the Bunny. The Brawler throws Doink through a window as Funaki sits at the bar. O’Haire grabs some pool cues and breaks them over the APA’s heads.

Moore dives off the stage to take O’Haire out but Love breaks a mirror over his head. The Bunny goes through another window and Matt drives a Basham and Kanyon through a table (on the second try). Bradshaw bottles Love in the head and that’s finally it, despite Faarooq standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling in any way and was little more than a joke that got old in a hurry. They did at least keep it short, but was there a point to this other than filling time? You have these people who have been getting pushed in recent months (Hardy and O’Haire at least) and they’re stuck in this mess designed to keep the APA over? Come on already.

Noble is enjoying a very worn copy of Torrie’s Playboy (with the camera catching a rather clear shot of one of the pictures, which isn’t censored whatsoever on the Network) and brags to a backstage worker. The guy asks about Nidia and is told to mind his own business.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are defending. Shelton takes Rey down to start before they seem to botch a headscissors. The second attempt works a bit better and it’s off to Kidman, who takes a hard knee to the ribs. Something like a Bubba Bomb gets two on Rey and a powerslam gets the same.

We’re already in the chinlock, which hopefully isn’t a sign of this match being short. Shelton’s powerbomb is reversed and the hot tag brings in Kidman. A BK Bomb gives Kidman two and Rey is fast enough to break up the dive onto Kidman’s back. The 619 is broken up as well so Rey settles for a springboard seated senton to the floor to drop Benjamin.

Kidman one ups him with a shooting star to the floor as things have picked WAY up in a hurry. Thankfully the fans seem to appreciate it as well, which is a great sign after the previous match/segment seemed to kill them off a good bit. Shelton posts Kidman though and the champs take over again. Kidman slips out of a surfboard and sends Charlie outside but you know they’re not doing the second hot tag that easily. The tag connects but Shelton had the referee, drawing some very nice heat from the crowd.

A second attempt works a bit better and it’s Rey coming in with an enziguri to Shelton. The 619 into the springboard seated senton looks to finish but the referee is with Kidman, allowing Shelton to make the save. Kidman launches Rey up for a super hurricanrana and a VERY near fall on Haas. Rey’s shocked face and the big reaction from the crowd push things even further as the fans don’t buy that it was only two. Rey loads up a victory roll on Haas but Benjamin makes a blind tag and springboards into a clothesline as Haas powerbombs him down to retain.

Rating: B+. I know the Cruiserweight Title is taking a hit by having the champ do this other stuff but sweet goodness this was a fun match. They seemed to just tell the wrestlers to go nuts for fifteen minutes and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially when you have four people who are capable of something like this. Really fun match here with the champs being more than capable of having with the fast paced challengers.

We recap Stephanie ripping Sable’s top off, including all the screeching.

Sable vs. Stephanie McMahon

No countout here for some reason. Stephanie’s top is rather low cut because that’s at least half the point of this match. Cole has the nerve to say this should be good because they’re both former Women’s Champions. I’m so glad we’re done with that era and have moved on to something a little more respectable.

The catfight is on with the chase going through the crowd, mainly focusing on shots of Sable’s shorts. Back in with Sable talking trash and slowly stomping in the corner. We hit the Grind over Stephanie, who grabs a rollup for a fast two. Sable gets in a good slap but Cole says we haven’t seen Stephanie’s yet. Stephanie gets in an elbow in the corner, followed by punches that make Shane McMahon’s look great.

They head outside again with the referee having to take a chair away from Stephanie. Back in and Stephanie hits the slap before mounting Sable for the horrible slaps. Sable’s face is rubbed into the mat and a Hennig necksnap takes her down again. Back up and Sable’s top is ripped apart so the referee gives her his shirt. Cue the A-Train to run Stephanie down, giving Sable the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s on a very sliding scale and they certainly tried. They were running around as fast as they could and didn’t bother trying to have anything resembling a match. That’s the right call here and given that it was relatively short, this was much more inoffensive than I was expecting. It’s certainly not good or anything but given what kind of a disaster this had the potential to be, I’ll take what I can get. I’m not sure what the point of no countout was though as it’s not like they’re going to get counted while running in the crowd (which wasn’t long in the first place).

Stephanie has to get helped out and for some reason gets an ovation.

We recap John Cena vs. Undertaker. Cena is on a roll (despite not really winning any major matches) and wanted a big match for his one year anniversary. He went on to beat up Orlando Jordan, who got the big sign of respect from Undertaker after the match. Cena started calling himself the real legend of WWE and you just don’t do that. Undertaker wasn’t happy and here we are.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

My goodness what that could have meant under different circumstances. Cena’s pre-match rap basically says Undertaker is old and Cena is awesome. The motorcycle seems to stall as Undertaker keeps fiddling with the key and the camera switches to Cena standing in the ring for a good while. Undertaker eventually walks down to the ring with the bike still on the stage, which is certainly better than the Hulk Hogan fiasco last year.

Undertaker drives him into the corner to start and Cena actually slaps him in the face. That earns him one heck of a toss and the beating is on early. They head outside with Cena getting tossed into the barricade but grabbing a drink of water to spit in Undertaker’s face. Amazingly enough that has no effect and Cena gets posted again. All Undertaker in the early going and the apron legdrop makes things even worse.

Back in and Undertaker drives some knees into the ribs as Cole says Undertaker has been doing this for eleven years. I mean, it’s closer to thirteen but Cole it’s better than the Women’s Title line from earlier. Old School and a chokeslam get two as Undertaker pulls Cena up. Cena escapes the Last Ride though and grabs a DDT for a much needed breather. With Undertaker down, Cena pulls off a turnbuckle pad, making me wonder why the referee isn’t watching Cena at the moment.

Back up and Undertaker elbows him in the face but charges into the exposed buckle. Cena knocks him off the apron and into the barricade for a thud and Undertaker is spitting up blood. They head back inside with Undertaker missing a jumping boot of all things but settling for two off a neckbreaker. Cena knees him in the back to cut Undertaker off again but Undertaker slips out of the FU.

A big boot and legdrop give Undertaker two and he switches to a choke on the mat in the corner. That seems like some major spot calling or just an awkward spot for some reason. Cena uses the distraction to hit him in the ribs with the chain, setting up the FU for two. There is really no logical reason for that not being the pin. Like really, none at all and it hurts the FU when it’s just becoming a big time finisher. Cena does the always stupid right hands in the corner and it’s the Last Ride for the pin.

Rating: B. They were getting somewhere but my goodness Undertaker shouldn’t have gone over. This should have been Cena’s chance to be launched into the main event but instead it’s just Undertaker pinning him after a ton of offense. If Cena can’t beat him while cheating and hitting his finisher, why would I want to see him fight again? Completely wrong ending to an otherwise good match.

We recap Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen, which seems to be a David vs. Goliath story but I’m still not sure what Vince gets out of this. It’s something about Vince wanting to screw Stephanie over but the story of Stephanie wanting to protect Gowen from Vince for the sake of Stephanie’s childhood innocent didn’t make sense. Anyway, Stephanie and Gowen one upped Vince and earned Zach a contract so Vince is giving him his first singles match because he wants real athletes and not half men in his company.

Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen

Vince casually backs him into the corner to start before wrestling him down and rolling around Gowen’s back. Some shots in the corner have Gowen in more trouble until he backdrops Vince over the top. An Asai moonsault and a middle rope Fameasser gives Gowen two, despite neither having much impact whatsoever.

Vince starts in on the good leg and Cole is RIGHT THERE to explain how much of a problem this could be for Zach. Never let it be said that WWE left you alone to figure something out on your own. The leg is wrapped around the post as Cole tries to explain the story behind the whole thing. We hit the half crab (not a leg hold but nice try) until Gowen makes the rope and scores with a dropkick.

Now it’s Vince’s getting crotched against the post and having his leg wrapped around the post. Cole: “Now the playing field is even!”. Not quite nimrod, but we’ll move on. Gowen hits a top rope bulldog and a middle rope dropkick. The moonsault gets two and now we’re just waiting on Gowen losing. Vince grabs a chair but gets it dropkicked into his face to draw a heck of a cut. Gowen misses the second moonsault though and Vince gets the easy pin.

Rating: D. They were trying as hard as they could here but there’s really not much you can do with this concept. Gowen has one leg and does a lot of impressive things for someone in his condition. I’ve seen it for a few weeks now and this time I saw him do it in long form against Vince. Then he doesn’t even win the thing? This is pretty much it for Gowen meaning anything and I have no idea what we’re supposed to care about him doing going forward as you can only watch this so many times. Yeah it’s an inspirational story, but it’s an inspirational story once, not four or five times now.

Gowen gets the big standing ovation and it’s lackluster at best. Tazz: “How many people get to say they’ve busted Vince McMahon wide open?” Uh, a fairly good amount actually?

Eddie says a victory is a victory and what happened to Benoit is his own fault.

We recap the World Title match. Brock Lesnar beat Kurt Angle to win the title at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for several months. Lesnar then feuded with Big Show for months but Angle is back and now Brock’s best friend. A three way feud ensued and it’s time for a triple threat. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Brock is defending, there are no disqualifications and it’s one fall to a finish. Show has to clothesline the new best friends down and it’s a chokeslam for an early two on Lesnar. Angle can’t German suplex the giant but he can pick the ankle for the ankle lock. That’s kicked away though and a superkick drops Angle again. Lesnar dives in for a save before hitting a middle rope back elbow to Show’s jaw.

It’s Kurt bringing in the first weapons with some garbage can lids and a series of shots finally put Show down. He’s right back up with a double suplex though, only to have Angle and Lesnar chokeslam him down. Tazz: “So Big Show suplexes the guys who suplex and they chokeslam the guy who chokeslams???”. Score one for the Red Hook school system.

Angle gets knocked outside and the F5 on Show gets a delayed two with Angle pulling the referee to the floor. A shot to Angle’s head busts him open, leaving Show to load Brock up for a superplex. That’s countered into a good looking running powerbomb but Angle makes another save with a chair. Angle chairs both of them out to the floor but gets it kicked back into his face.

While a bleeding Lesnar is stuck on the other side of the ring, an Angle Slam puts Show through the announcers’ table. That leaves Angle and Lesnar in the ring for the big showdown with Lesnar throwing him over the top in a hurry. Brock gets whipped into the steps though and Angle is cut on the back of his head. Back in and Angle tosses Brock with a release German suplex, sending Brock onto his stomach for a great looking flip.

The Angle Slam is countered into a spinebuster for two but Angle slaps on a choke. Show comes back in for the save and covers both guys at once for two. A double chokeslam gets another pair of near falls but Lesnar kicks the monster low. Kurt grabs the ankle again, only to let go of Brock and Angle Slam Show. Another Angle Slam to Lesnar is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This was a very well booked match as it felt like it took the two superheroes to deal with Big Show, leaving them to fight it out later. That’s exactly how you want something like this to go and they made it work quite well. Angle winning sets up another big match with Brock down the line and you can throw Show in there if you absolutely have to. Really strong match here and again, I get why Show was in there for a change as you don’t want to waste Angle vs. Lesnar II on Vengeance.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a heck of a show and if they had cut out some of the weaker stuff (like about eight minutes of Vince vs. Zach and the whole Billy vs. Jamie match), it could be an all time classic. The big stuff is very good, but the bad stuff (including some of the choices, mainly Undertaker winning) really holds it back. That being said, this show made Smackdown feel like what it used to be: the wrestling show, which is exactly the kind of thing it needs to be to feel different from Raw. Excellent show here and something that gives me a lot of confidence in Smackdown going forward.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 3, 2003
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Believe it or not, tonight is going to be focused on Stephanie McMahon, who is still trying to save Zach Gowen from her dad or whatever it is this time. Therefore, tonight it’s Gowen/Stephanie against Big Show for Gowen’s contract because that’s what this show is looking for. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Vince vs. Gowen, including Vince trying to make Gowen join his club last week. Last week’s six man main event is included, which set up tonight’s handicap match.

Vince, in a creepy closeup, says he’s ready to close the fate of Mr. America. After that, he’ll see Stephanie and Gowen crushed in the first ever true handicap match.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Nunzio

Nunzio is challenging and Billy Kidman is in the crowd again. I know facing Undertaker is supposed to be a rub but is getting squashed by him for weeks really worth a title shot? The other Italians are sent to the back to start. Are you sure that getting rid of those two bumbling nitwits doesn’t make this harder for Rey? The champ spins out of a wristlock to start and sends Nunzio outside for a big flip dive.

Back in and Nunzio dropkicks him out of the air for two, setting up a double arm crank. A chinlock keeps Rey in trouble until a headscissors gives him a breather. The springboard seated senton gets two and a hurricanrana takes both of them out to the floor in a crash. Cue the Italians to take Mysterio out but Nunzio can only get two. The APA comes out to dispatch Stamboli and Palumbo, leaving Rey to hit the 619 and Drop the Dime to retain.

Rating: C+. They were starting to roll here until the interference, but at least Rey still won clean. I’m still trying to figure out what the point is in having the FBI around and getting this kind of a push, though at least they’re not winning anything. Mysterio needs a good challenger and it seems that they’re already preparing for that issue. Good little match here.

Kidman comes in and congratulates Mysterio.

Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle (with milk) are sitting in catering and get in a friendly argument over who a woman meant when she said “hi champ”. Angle says he’ll get the title back at Vengeance so Brock tells him to drink his milk. Kurt flirts with the woman until Brock slaps him on the back, causing him to spit milk on her. Comedy ensues.

Basham Brothers vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

Before the match, Shaniqua gives the Brothers a quick whipping with the riding crop. It’s a brawl to start with the Bashams actually taking over early on. Danny hammers on Rhyno and scores with an enziguri. Some hard crossface shots set up a cravate but it’s already time for heel miscommunication. The hot tag brings Benoit in but Danny breaks up the rolling German suplexes. The release version works a bit better though, setting up the Swan Dive for a delayed two. It’s a Gore to Doug and the Crossface makes Danny tap.

Rating: D+. So the tag division is just a step above dead in the water with two teams, let’s have a potentially good team job most of the time while making them look stupid with the whole spanking things. Shaniqua doesn’t need to be there but she was on Tough Enough so they have to get something out of her right? Also didn’t Benoit and Rhyno break up twice already?

Shaniqua looks at Benoit post match. Run away Chris.

Vince is in his office and using pencils to play his desk like a drum. That’s one of the oddest visuals I’ve seen in a long time. Stephanie comes in and says she’s a woman and shouldn’t be put into this situation. Vince says spare the rod and spoil the child, but Stephanie says she’s not a child in a voice that makes her sound about three years old. He doesn’t care and she cowers away. How long is this stupid story going to go on?

Post break Sable annoys Stephanie and says she’ll take care of things if Stephanie is put on the shelf.

Jamie Noble and Nidia, fresh off getting $827 thousand, have a limo, sunglasses and a fur coat. Noble tips the driver and then takes the money back.

Undertaker critiques Orlando Jordan’s boxing and explains paying dues. Jordan needs to challenge people like John Cena if he wants to earn respect. Cena comes up to ask where Undertaker has been since he gave Cena respect last year. He calls himself a veteran now and tells Undertaker to stay out of his business. You can guess Undertaker’s reaction.

US Title Tournament First Round: Billy Gunn vs. John Cena

Side note: we’re about forty five minutes into this show. So far we’ve had a recap of Vince lowering his pants last week, Shaniqua spanking the Bashams, Jamie spanking Nidia when she got the coat out of the limo and you know Gunn’s theme song. Why is that their best available theme? Cena makes gay jokes and demands respect. Gunn gives chase to start and stomps away in the corner as Cole tries to make us care about Billy again. Cena bails to the floor as the fans are cheering him for one of the first times ever.

A whip into the post has Billy in trouble and it’s time for the chinlock. Cena kicks him down for two as Cole tries to connect this US Title’s lineage to the one from the mid 1970s. I know that’s the case but it’s also quite the stretch. Billy finally escapes with a powerslam but walks into the Throwback (named for the first time here). That’s only good for two so it’s time to grab the chain. Cue Undertaker on the motorcycle for a distraction though, allowing Billy to get a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. Undertaker vs. Cena should be entertaining but this Gunn stuff is getting more and more annoying every single week. He’s the same guy with the same song that hasn’t worked in a very long time but now we’re supposed to buy him as a serious act. Oh and that Torrie has a thing for him. It does show you what being tall can get for you in a career.

Lesnar and Angle continue to act like frat boys and decide to have a pushup contest. Brock does 301 first (with a commercial in between) as I’m more curious about who can be seen just off camera watching this whole thing. With Lesnar finished, Angle declares him the winner and walks off. Eh funny ending, but who looks at Lesnar and Angle and thinks they need to do a buddy comedy?

Tag Team Titles: Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

Eddie and Tajiri are defending. Tajiri headlocks Haas down to start before switching over to a hammerlock. Eddie takes over on Benjamin’s arm as they’re certainly moving to start. An armdrag/headscissors combination takes both challengers down and the Eddie chants begin. As they should to be fair. Haas gets in a backbreaker for a breather as Tazz keeps ripping on Cole for calling this fun.

Eddie suplexes his way to freedom in short order and it’s back to Tajiri for the rapid fire kicks. A hurricanrana is broken up so Haas muscles Tajiri up, allowing Shelton to springboard in for a clothesline/powerbomb combination. Sweet move there but ti’s only good for two more.

Back from a break with Tajiri caught in an abdominal stretch with the challengers doing the switch when the referee wasn’t looking. The referee ACTUALLY NOTICES and brings Benjamin back in….to take Tajiri down again. Well that felt like a waste of a spot. Haas hammers away on Tajiri, followed by Shelton jumping over Charlie onto Tajiri’s back. Tajiri slips out of what looked to be a powerbomb and kicks Shelton in the back of the head (loud one too).

That’s enough for the hot tag to Eddie and the rolling suplexes have Haas in trouble. The frog splash is broken up but Tajiri takes Shelton down with the handspring elbow. Eddie gets sent outside so Tajiri starts in with more kicks, followed by the Tarantula to Haas. Shelton avoids a frog splash though and Tajiri gets kicked off the apron, onto the hood of the low rider. Back in and the atomic drop with a superkick to Eddie’s chest gives Charlie the pin and the titles.

Rating: B. These four have some solid chemistry together and it’s nice to see Charlie and Shelton get the belts back. They were a really strong team when they got the belts and while the feud with Eddie and Chavo/Tajiri did them a lot of good, they probably should have held the belts throughout. Eddie didn’t seem happy with Tajiri for being knocked onto the car and there’s a good chance they’re going to have an issue because of it.

Gowen is stretching in the back when Big Show comes in to step on the leg. Tonight, he’s going after Gowen’s legs. It didn’t work for the Executioner at Wrestlemania I and I doubt it works for Big Show tonight.

Back from a break with Tajiri still on the hood and Eddie looking dejected. Eddie goes over to check on him….but he really just wants to check on the car.

Video on Mr. America. Stephanie saying she signed him sight unseen triggers my memories of how ridiculous so much of this story was and it’s even worse when I realize that Vince vs. Stephanie is continuing.

Eddie is STILL looking at the car and Tajiri is still down behind him. It’s finally too much for Eddie and he snaps, sending Tajiri into the hood (which won’t help the paint) and then dropping him through the windshield for a great looking crash.

Orlando Jordan vs. A-Train

Jordan’s dropkick has no effect and A-Train launches him into the corner for a beating. A splash to the back has Jordan in even more trouble and it’s off to the reverse full nelson (kind of like a Gory Special but pulling on the arms instead of the face). An enziguri knocks A-Train into the corner but the Derailer gets two. Jordan’s high crossbody only hits mat and the Train Wreck gives A-Train the pin.

Rating: D. I know what they’re going for with Jordan but there’s only so much you can get out of someone so average. History hasn’t exactly been kind to Jordan but then you watch a match like this and you understand why. There’s nothing special about him, be it his look, his work or his personality. Just having him out there as a guy in trunks isn’t going to do him any good and kicking out of the Derailer isn’t enough to change that.

Show tries to intimidate Stephanie and even twirls her hair around. There are, ahem, other ways he’d like to hurt her. Show walks away and runs into Vince and Sable, the former of whom has an announcement regarding Mr. America.

Wrestlemania Recall: Jake Roberts vs. Honky Tonk Man from Wrestlemania III. Was Alice Cooper being around that big of a deal? The post match stuff with Alice throwing the snake onto Jimmy Hart was good but it’s not that good.

Here are Vince and Sable for the announcement. Vince recaps the Mr. America story and knows that it was Hulk Hogan under the mask. If Vince could prove that, Hogan was gone for good. That brings us to last week’s Smackdown where Vince thought something might be up.

Vince told the cameramen to keep recording, which captured Mr. America lifting his mask to reveal Hogan and telling everyone to keep it quiet. Therefore, Hogan is FIRED (he had quit earlier in the week due to creative differences, which likely means he wanted the title and wasn’t getting it) and gone for good. Or at least the better part of two years. It’s kind of a lame ending but at least they wrapped it up with a storyline explanation.

As for tonight, Zach Gowen is in a handicap match against Big Show. That’s not good enough though, because it’s going to be no holds barred. As a bonus for Big Show, he’s being added to the Smackdown World Title match at Vengeance to make it a triple threat. I’m so thrilled by all of this.

Stephanie McMahon/Zach Gowen vs. Big Show

Anything goes. Why do I have a feeling this was due to Stephanie thinking she needed to show off how good shape she was in? Gowen’s early offense has as much effect as you would expect and Show shoves him outside. Stephanie jumps on Show’s back and let’s hear that screeching! Show flips her down and grabs Gowen’s (detached) prosthetic leg. A dropkick doesn’t hurt Show, who catches a diving Gowen and throws him back inside.

Stephanie gets thrown inside as well but for some reason Vince won’t let Show chokeslam her. Gowen comes in for the save and takes the chokeslam instead. Stephanie gets in her big moment with the slap to Vince but Angle comes out to save her from another chokeslam. A Vince chair shot breaks up the ankle lock so here’s Lesnar for a save of his own. The Angle Slam and an F5 set up Gowen’s moonsault for the pin and the contract.

Rating: D-. Lesnar’s F5 looked good and that’s about it for this one. The match was a glorified segment of course and while it advances the story, that doesn’t make it any more interesting. This Stephanie standing up to her father and using Gowen to fight the battle for him isn’t good and other than the McMahons, I’m not sure who thinks it’s the best way to go. Throwing Big Show into the World Title match takes away a lot of the interest I had in seeing Lesnar vs. Angle II, but it’s time for Big Show’s annual push, whether we like it or not.

Overall Rating: D. There were good parts to this show but the big story is so dull and lifeless that it’s dragging things down. The story is far from the worst thing they’ve ever done (it’s not even the worst thing Stephanie has done this year) but it’s a bunch of people I don’t care about doing a bunch of stuff that has been done in a better version before. Gowen is a case where once you see his stuff once, the interest goes away in a hurry. Now he’s involved in the top story on the show, which is likely going to go on for months because that’s how the McMahons work.

There’s still good stuff on the show though, such as Cena vs. Undertaker (which has potential), Eddie’s heel turn after a really good match, the former Team Angle back on top of the division and Rey as Cruiserweight Champion. As usual though, the problem comes down to the McMahons dominating the show with their stupid issues and Stephanie’s bad acting. Just don’t let her talk or interact with Vince and this show gets a lot better in a hurry.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Survivor Series 2004
Date: November 14, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Aside from the matches mentioned already, there are two other major matches. First up we have Team Kurt Angle vs. Team Eddie Guerrero to continue their rivalry which started back at Wrestlemania XX. Angle couldn’t take the title from Eddie but became GM of Smackdown, vowing to make Eddie’s life miserable. On top of that we have Undertaker (once again the Dead Man) facing off with Heidenreich, Paul Heyman’s latest monster. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about the seventeen years this show has run already.

The set looks cool here as it’s made of six screens which I guess will act as the Titantron tonight.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

Spike is defending and is a heel here. This is one fall to a finish. Kidman hurt Chavo on a Shooting Star Press and seemed to be proud of it, which resulted in a heel turn for him. The other good thing here is that they don’t have to tag. As usual, this doesn’t last long before things break down. Kidman and Spike form a quick alliance, only to have Kidman dropkick the champ out to the floor.

Rey sends Kidman to the floor and it’s off to Rey vs. Chavo, who are still friends at this point. Rey spins Chavo around with a headscissors before Spike sends Rey into the corner and stomps away with some screaming thrown in. Chavo comes back in and a double clothesline puts he and Spike down. With Kidman on the apron, Rey hits a hurricanrana to send him out to the floor in a cool looking spot.

Back in and Rey tries the sitout bulldog on Chavo but Guerrero throws him onto Kidman in a seated senton. Chavo dives on both of them, leaving Spike standing ta….short actually. Anyway the champ dives on all of them but they step aside to let him crash. Chavo finally gets his hands on Billy back in the ring but Spike comes back in to break up a pinfall attempt.

Rey misses a moonsault over Spike’s head and gets thrown to the floor as a result. We get a Tower of Doom with everyone minus Rey involved, so Rey comes in and tries to steal a pin. Rey charges at Kidman but gets caught in a BK Bomb (Sky High) for two but Chavo breaks up the Shooting Star. Spike hits a running headbutt to Rey’s ribs but the Dudley Dog is broken up. The 619 hits Spike but Billy breaks up the West Coast Pop. Chavo hits the Gory Bomb on Spike but Kidman hits a slingshot legdrop on Chavo. Rey takes out Kidman and Spike steals the pin on Chavo to retain.

Rating: B-. Not a great match or anything here but it was fine for an opener. Rey was insanely popular still but Spike keeping the title was a great way to tick off the fans. There’s nothing wrong with a heel winning, as long as the opener fires up the crowd, which this did. Good choice.

Heidenreich is getting fired up by Heyman when Paul goes to get his jacket. Snitsky, another creepy heel of the day, comes in. He says he likes Heidenreich’s poetry and Heidenreich likes what Snitsky does to babies (as in punting them into the crowd). There’s WAY too much deep breathing here. This was almost who Undertaker and Kane fought at Wrestlemania before the company woke up and stuck Orton against Undertaker instead.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

Shelton, a young, very athletic guy who used to be in a tag team, is defending but the Waterproof Blonde version of Christian’s theme makes him far more awesome. Shelton is at the point in his career when he’s about to get on one of the biggest rolls in years but it never went anywhere past the Intercontinental Title. The champ cranks on the arm to start before they head to the mat. Keeping in mind that Shelton was a legit All-American wrestler, he’s just fine being on the mat with Christian.

Christian cranks on the arm but Shelton drops to the mat and immediately nips up which looked great. It didn’t do anything but it looked great. Christian talks trash and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Shelton skins the cat before hitting a great looking springboard clothesline for two. A HARD chop slows Benjamin down and Christian talks some more trash. Shelton counters a monkey flip by casually landing on his feet and grabs an Oklahoma Roll for two.

We head to the floor for a quick distraction by Tomko (Christian’s bodyguard) but Christian gets punched in the face instead. Tomko tries to cheat again and this time the distraction is enough to let Christian get in a shot. Why that creepy little bas…..never mind. A cross body gets two for Shelton but Christian immediately puts him back down with a neckbreaker. Off to a chinlock (Tomko: “BREAK HIS NECK!”) by Christian and he launches Benjamin to the floor as he tries to break the hold.

Shelton comes back with a hard whip into the corner to put Christian down. A Russian legsweep gets two for the champ as does a slingshot reverse suplex (called a reverse fisherman’s suplex by JR). Benjamin misses a Stinger Splash and gets caught in a reverse DDT for two. Tomko slides the belt in (hitting the referee in the foot in the process) but Shelton kicks Christian in the face.

The referee sees Christian holding the belt, which lets Benjamin hit a top rope clothesline for two. As the belt is being put out, Tomko kicks Benjamin in the face for two. The Exploder Suplex (Benjamin’s finisher, a snap floatover T-Bone suplex) is countered but Benjamin kicks Tomko down. The Unprettier is countered into the Exploder for the pin to keep the title on Benjamin.

Rating: B. I really got into this match at the end even though Christian didn’t have much of a chance at winning. The Tomko and belt stuff didn’t help anything but they had to try to slow Shelton down a bit. Benjamin was in the beginning of a very long run with the belt that would last until June, which was the longest reign in about six years.

Really good match here as Christian put Shelton over strong. There’s a reason this guy basically had the world title waiting for him on a plate whenever he stepped up enough to take it, but that never happened for various reasons. Namely he just stopped trying and coasted on his reputation, but that’s another story.

Angle complains to Edge about something Edge wrote in his book about him. Kurt makes fun of Edge for never winning the World Title. They trade some insults before Kurt leaves and runs into Eugene, Eric Bischoff’s mentally slow nephew who just happened to be a talented wrestler. Eugene lists off (slowly) some of Angle’s accomplishments before singing the You Suck version of his theme song.

Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero

Kurt Angle, Carlito Caribbean Cool, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak

Eddie Guerrero, John Cena, Rob Van Dam, Big Show

Eddie and Angle have been feuding since Wrestlemania. Carlito, the son of a Puerto Rican legend, debuted and beat Cena for the US Title before injuring Cena in a nightclub (or having someone do it. The attacker was never revealed but it might have been Carlito’s buddy Jesus). Big Show is feuding with Reigns (an enforcer type character) and Jindrak (a very athletic guy who didn’t do much in America) and Angle for shaving his head, and Van Dam is there as a warm body. Got all that?

Before the bell, Cena chases Carlito and Jesus to the back and gets in a brawl with them. Carlito and Jesus steal a car and speed away, which counts as an elimination. Back at ringside there’s a big brawl until Show (on a bad ankle) pulls Jindrak into the ring. Here’s Cena back to the ring to make it 4-3. Off to Van Dam who hits a spin kick before it’s off to Eddie for the slingshot hilo, followed by Rolling Thunder from Van Dam.

Eddie suplexes Jindrak down and armdrags Reigns as he headscissors Jindrak in a cool move. Angle comes in to stop his team’s bleeding but it’s quickly back to Reigns for a bunch of backbreakers for two. Off to Jindrak for a full nelson but Eddie sends him into the buckle. Eddie dives for the corner but Angle literally tackles Guerrero to break it up. Kurt hits a belly to belly before bringing in Reigns for more stomping.

Off to a chinlock from Jindrak but Eddie eventually grabs a jawbreaker to escape. Angle again blocks the tag and puts on a front facelock. One thing to note here: the entire time the hold is on, Cena is reaching out for a tag and encouraging Eddie. It doesn’t mean much, but it helps things from getting really boring. Little things like that can make a big difference. Watch guys like Rock and Hogan when they’re on the apron in tag matches. They’re ALWAYS doing something, even if it’s minor like clapping. It can make a difference.

Jindrak comes in but Eddie knocks him away and it’s off to Van Dam. Rob goes off (Cole: “He’s supple!”) and hits an enziguri on Angle to set up the Five Star but Jindrak pulls him away. The Splash hits Jindrak, allowing Angle to roll up Rob (using the ropes) for the pin. Angle heads to the floor so Eddie rolls up the illegal Jindrak, using the ropes as well, for an elimination to make it 3-2 (Eddie/Show/Cena vs. Reigns/Angle).

Eddie tells Angle to bring it on and there go the straps. Eddie tags in Show, making Angle tag in Reigns. Reigns gets in one or two shots but a chokeslam beats him quickly. Kurt rolls through a chokeslam into the ankle lock but Show sends him through the ropes to escape. Angle starts to walk up the aisle but Van Dam is waiting on him. Kurt backs up while still looking at RVD, and backs into Show. He reaches up to see how tall what he backed into is and shakes his head. Show throws Kurt back in to face Cena (in for the first time legally) and it’s an FU and Frog Splash for the final elimination.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t a good match but it was entertaining, which is more than you got from almost all of last year’s show. I’m guessing Cena and Carlito were injured as they didn’t do anything for the most part. Angle was great here and the look on his face when he backed into Big Show always makes me chuckle. Fun match here, which is all you need sometimes.

Maven (the first Tough Enough winner and on Team Orton tonight in the biggest match of his career) offers to demonstrate his skills to Coach but Snitsky jumps Maven and busts him open. This would be how they would keep Maven out of a PPV main event for most of the match when they realized that he was in WAY over his head.

Video on Heidenreich vs. Undertaker, where Heidenreich is the latest guy to try to kill Undertaker at Paul Heyman’s direction. This was one of those matches where they were trying to make it seem like Undertaker was in trouble but Heidenreich comes off like the villain in the fifth direct to video sequel in a horror series that has overstayed its welcome by two movies.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Heidenreich comes out in a straightjacket because he might attack more plants, as had been his custom in recent weeks. Undertaker does the big long entrance to get the crowd back into things. He stares at Heidenreich for a few moments before the beating begins. A charge in the corner runs into a Heidenreich elbow but the Dead Man will have none of this being on defense stuff. Undertaker works on the arm but a Heyman distraction lets Heidenreich crotch Undertaker to break up Old School. He crotches Undertaker against the post again and we head to the floor.

Heidenreich pounds away on Undertaker against the barricade while shouting that he can beat him. Undertaker shrugs that off again and hits the legdrop on the apron for two. Old School hits the second time followed by a modified Downward Spiral for two. A big boot misses Heidenreich in the corner and it’s time for more punching on the floor. This isn’t one of those matches where the fans are worried about Undertaker as I don’t think anyone bought Heidenreich as a real threat.

A kick to Undertaker’s face sets up a chinlock and a clothesline for two. Another clothesline stops Undertaker’s comeback but a suplex stops the stopping of the comeback. Heidenreich sends him to the apron but Undertaker stuns him on the top rope. Undertaker channels his inner Kane (he had the name first) and hits a top rope clothesline for two. Back in and Snake Eyes/the big boot takes Heidenreich down again.

The chokeslam is broken up and Heidenreich gets two off a Boss Man Slam. Then like an idiot, Heidenreich punches away in the corner while Undertaker arms are down. The obvious Last Ride only gets two though as Heidenreich grabs the rope. Heidenreich tries a sleeper but Undertaker is like boy please and suplexes out of it almost immediately. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish this quick.

Rating: D. Like I said at the end of the day, did ANYONE buy Heidenreich as a real threat to Undertaker? The guy just wasn’t that good and he came off as more silly than a serious threat. Not much to see here and Heidenreich never got higher than he did in this match. Undertaker would move on to a much better feud with Orton soon enough to try and make people forget about this mess.

Bischoff says Maven is out of the main event and if he allows Orton to add a replacement, HHH will complain and Eric will lose his vacation, which is the point of the main event.

We recap Trish vs. Lita, which is happening because….well who else are they going to fight? Lita got pregnant with Kane’s baby but lost it because of Snitsky. Trish made fun of Lita for being a sl**, having a dead baby, and of course for being fat.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish is defending. Lita is all ticked off and punches Trish, who is coming in with a broken nose, as soon as she gets in. Trish gets pounded even more and they head to the floor where Trish goes into a table and gets cracked with a chair 80 seconds into the match for the DQ. This wasn’t much, but these two would main event Raw in a few weeks. I don’t mean a match that went on last and then they had the promo that closed the show. I mean they spent the whole show hyping up Trish Stratus vs. Lita as the main event and Lita won the title and celebrated to end the show. It was quite the moment and a big deal.

Teddy comes in to congratulate Team Guerrero while Show is in a towel. Show hands the towel to Teddy and walks off. Cena: “THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Teddy makes Cena vs. Carlito for the title on Thursday. Why is Cena in his underwear?

We recap Booker T vs. JBL. Booker pinned JBL in a tag match but JBL says Booker isn’t in his league. Booker beat up Orlando Jordan (JBL’s lackey) and pinned him to earn the title shot. There really isn’t much to this one.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T

JBL is defending and Booker’s big yellow gloves don’t really do him any favors. Feeling out process to start as they trade really basic stuff for the first minute and a half. Booker knocks him to the floor and JBL gets the advantage coming back in. Back to the floor and Booker gets sent over the announce table. As they head back in, Jordan gets in a cheap shot to give JBL two. Still in first gear at best.

JBL hooks in a cobra clutch followed by an elbow drop and a chinlock. After that VICIOUS offense, Booker easily fights back and hits a superplex to put both guys down. Orlando gets in some more cheap shots on the floor but JBL walks into a Book End out there to give Booker his first real advantage. Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Booker. They’re into second gear now but it’s just not an interesting match.

Booker goes up but another Jordan distraction lets JBL avoid a Houston Hangover (flip legdrop). Another sleeper by JBL is escaped but Jordan breaks up the ax kick. JBL hits a quick DDT for two and there goes the referee. Jordan comes in and pounds on Booker but Josh Matthews comes out to help Booker for reasons that aren’t important enough to explain. JBL destroys Josh but there’s the side kick to JBL. The ax kick takes him down as well but Jordan takes out the referee. Booker hits the Book End on Jordan but JBL clocks Booker with the belt to retain.

Rating: D. This just didn’t work. Basically they were redoing the HHH/Flair run from 2003 with Jordan interfering every ten seconds and the matches sucking and the crowd groaning when JBL retains the title. JBL is a hilarious commentator and a solid main event jobber, but the guy was painfully boring as champion.

Batista and HHH are ready for the main event.

We recap the main event which is Team HHH vs. Team Orton. Team Orton has united to oppose HHH’s tyranny and the winning team gets to run Raw for a week each. Snitsky has said that when Team HHH wins, he’s coming for HHH’s World Title, and Edge has said the same. Batista has been looking at the title too so HHH is rather nervous. This gets the music video treatment for the night. Maven and Snitsky stick out like two shattered thumbs in this whole thing.

Team HHH vs. Team Orton

HHH, Edge, Batista, Gene Snitsky

Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven

HHH is World Champion and Maven isn’t here due to the earlier attack. It’s interesting to think that it would be Batista rather than Orton that would rise up out of this match as the real star. Not that Orton isn’t a star, but Batista was without a doubt the biggest star in the company in 2005 and part of 2006. For some reason Edge comes out last. Benoit vs. Edge to start which is fine with me. Benoit destroys Edge and knocks him to the floor to start but it’s off to Orton vs. Snitsky.

Orton pounds him down with ease before it’s Jericho in off the tag. HHH comes in but Jericho immediately elbows him down and brings in Orton to no response. Orton can’t challenge for the World Title because of some stipulation due to losing to Flair. What a great way to make sure the fans get behind him there right? It doesn’t matter how awesome he is because he’s not getting a shot at anything.

Batista comes in and has some better luck with Randy, firing off shoulders into the corner. Edge is in now and he mocks Orton’s pose in an often done bit. Edge draws in Jericho for no apparent reason, but it allows Orton to clothesline Edge back down. Off to Benoit as the fans are dead for this match. It couldn’t be because Orton is a lame duck and everyone knows it of course. Benoit cleans house and suplexes everyone in sight. Edge prevents a swan dive onto HHH, so HHH suplexes Edge onto HHH and swan dives both of them for two.

Everything breaks down even more and HHH gets caught in the Sharpshooter by Benoit. Snitsky makes the save and Edge gets caught in the Crossface. This time Batista saves, allowing HHH to Pedigree Benoit and give Edge the pin for the elimination. Jericho comes in to pound away on Edge but HHH and Snitsky get in an argument. Batista comes to HHH’s defense but has to break up the Walls on HHH instead.

Flair trips up Jericho and gets ejected for his efforts. Flair walks up the aisle but comes back a second later to allow Batista to kill Orton and Jericho. There’s the spinebuster to Jericho but Orton hits Big Dave with the belt, allowing Jericho to hit the enziguri on Batista for the pin. Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to knock Snitsky onto HHH on the floor but Batista kills Jericho with the clothesline before leaving.

It’s Snitsky vs. Jericho with Snitsky choking away. Edge comes in and pounds on his fellow Canadian but gets caught in the sleeper drop to put both guys down. Orton gets shoved to the floor and Edge and HHH double team him for a bit. Jericho DDTs Snitsky down….and here comes Maven. He goes right after Snitsky and takes him down with a forearm as things seem to go into slow motion.

Maven bulldogs HHH down and is all fired up, but Snitsky kills him with a chair shot for a DQ. HHH covers the dead Maven for the easy elimination. Edge keeps covering Jericho but can’t get more than a bunch of two’s. It’s Orton/Jericho vs. HHH/Edge now. A spear puts Jericho out and it’s 2-1 (HHH/Edge vs. Orton) with Orton in trouble. Orton says bring it on and is promptly beaten down in the corner.

Edge suplexes Orton down and holds him while HHH pounds away. Orton punches at HHH but gets DDT’d down for two. Edge comes back in and gets slammed down before getting dropkicked into HHH on the apron. That gets two off a rollup from Orton but he walks into a HHH spinebuster. We get the required heel miscommunication as Edge spears HHH down and walks into an RKO for the pin. It’s down to Orton vs. HHH with the champ hitting Orton low as Edge leaves. The Pedigree is countered into the RKO for the final pin.

Rating: B. The match was good stuff but as I said earlier, Orton pinning HHH doesn’t mean anything. Somehow Orton would get a title match at the Rumble where HHH would destroy Orton once and for all. I think I’m the only person on the planet that liked Orton’s first main event face run so I dug this at the time. It turned out they got lucky with Batista, but the Orton face run could have been more if HHH hadn’t hacked its legs off.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s some dull stuff here, but the good stuff really is solid as you can see the new generation ready to burst through. The main event was entertaining stuff and the fans did react to Orton pinning HHH clean. The Smackdown side of things was pretty lame but other than that, this was a solid show and I was digging it at the end. Good show.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

Original: B

Redo: B

Team Guerrero vs. Team Angle

Original: D

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D

Redo: D

Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T

Original: F

Redo: D

Team Orton vs. Team HHH

Original: B-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B-

In a rare instance, I liked this a lot better the second time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/13/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2004-eyebrows-huffman-main-events/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6