Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So Austin and Rock are retired, Lesnar is still a big name, HBK stuck around to shock the world even more, and that’s about it. Seriously, not much else has happened. Cena and Batista haven’t risen to power yet as they’re about a year and a half away from taking over the company. There is a new arrival however: Goldberg, who I wouldn’t call a flop but I’d call him a disappointment.

He’s at war with HHH over the title currently, so that’s your main feud, but of course they couldn’t just have them go one on one, so we get the second Elimination Chamber instead. Your other main event here is Brock vs. Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. The card looks….ok I guess but a bit top heavy. Let’s see how it is.

Lillian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner with the Marine Corps Color Guard on the stage. To say she’s gorgeous is an understatement. They need to do this more often at PPVs. The opening video is pretty good, as we hear a clock striking what I would assume to be midnight and with each bell sound we see a clip of another match. Oh I forgot to mention: Lesnar is a heel again and is working for Vince.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

This is as simple as you can get here: the French champions make fun of American so the American team that’s never really been patriotic rally round the flag to fight for the Red White and Blue, despite the fact that the French flag has the same colors but you get the idea I guess. La Resistance are the guys that were the tag team of the year at this time, always holding the belts mainly due to the fact that they never had any opponents of note to face them.

The Dudleys were guys you could just throw into the title picture and it would work though, much like they do now in TNA. Guys like that are great to have because their resume makes them a legit threat so you know you’ll get a decent performance out of them and they make the other team look good. It’s the same thing that Shawn Michaels did in the last year or so.

He was never going to beat Jericho for the belt, but he was a legit challenger that you could count on for a solid match and he can be thrown into the title picture at a moment’s notice and be perfectly credible. That’s a very valuable asset to have. This was also back in the day of the old school tag title belts which I’ve always loved. JR touches on the idea that Bubba and D-Von are related which he kind of brushes off.

The faces are WAY over and take control early on which makes sense. They continue to dominate after a brief heel comeback, but after the 3D a cameraman comes in and hits D-Von with the picture taking machine for the pin. Bubba was too busy counting the three to stop the run in to break up the 3D, so the heels steal it. Post match, the camera guy beats up D-Von, Bubba and Spike who runs in for the attempted save, with the camera. Of course it’s Rob Conway, who didn’t have a name yet.

Rating: C. This felt like an extended TV match to me. It was ok, but nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw. The tag division was pretty much the same for about 5 years and it’s still that way today, with not much of anything of note going on other than the occasional title change. La Resistance was nothing special, but they were ok I guess. Not a bad match, just nothing that jumps off the page at me.

Coach interviews the Dudleys in the aisle, saying that the French were clever. Bubba doesn’t like this.

Bischoff is warming up and Christian talks to him like they’ve never met. Really? Bischoff is fighting Shane tonight for some reason. Christian is upset that he doesn’t have a match and Eric blames his co-GM, Stone Cold. The audio is bad here for some reason and I can’t make out all of what they’re saying.

We see the recap of Taker against A-Train. Basically Vince is hiring all the monsters he can find and Taker is the one he can’t get, so he’s the one that fights them off. A-Train started by attacking Stephanie last month at Vengeance to keep her from beating Sable, who Vince was having an open affair with.

Then, Taker fought back but A-Train kept making him lose matches, including one on Smackdown by pinfall to John Cena. Yes, Cena has indeed hit the FU to the Undertaker and pinned him in the middle of the ring. Anyway, that of course leads to this match.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

Taker’s music with lyrics is just awesome. This is the very end of his biker character though, as he was literally buried at Survivor Series by Kane in a Buried Alive match. I used to get the opening to A-Train’s music and JBL’s music confused. How can Sable be this hot at this age? She’s even hot now with Brock and this is 6 years later. Why is Taker in the second match of the night? Can I get an explanation?

Taker still has taped up ribs. Basic big man match for Taker which is probably his specialty: fighting monsters. A-Train was always someone that they wanted to push it seemed but it just never happened. Old School puts the train down.

We hit the floor for a bit and Taker’s back goes into the post as A-Train takes over. Can we just look at Sable’s chest some more? It’s certainly more entertaining. Taker grabs a sleeper of all things but walks into a belly to back suplex as Train keeps dominating. Taker gets out of the corner as nothing but punches. At times it seems like he does nothing but that and his finishers.

After some very basic stuff Taker can’t get the Last Ride and walks into a Derailer (choke powerbomb) for two of course. Good grief this is a formulamatic match. Down goes the referee as A-Train hits a bicycle kick and grabs a chair. It gets kicked into his face for two as we learn a good lesson about bringing a foreign object in. Use AMERICAN DANG IT! Chokeslam ends it clean.

Rating: D. Again, Taker is good at fighting monsters, but it feels like a TV match and nothing more. Why would I want to watch a TV match on PPV when I have to pay for it? It’s ok, but that’s all it is. A-Train was an underused talent, but come on. Taker deserves more than an underused talent, and to be fair he would be put into a title feud with Lesnar starting in the next week or two. Sable was hot as fire though.

Post match, Sable comes in to try to seduce Taker. Taker doesn’t go for that and chokes her until Stephanie returns and beats the heck out of her. Cole says she kicks the heck out of her, but I’m pretty sure it’s only punches. Then again, I’m no professional. Sable and A-Train bail as Cole freaks because of the power in the ring at the moment.

Brock has a new DVD.

We see Jericho stretching in the back as Coach is at ringside asking fans who they think will win the EC tonight. Everyone thinks Goldberg. If you’re going to waste time, I guess you might as well involve the audience.

Hit the recap button for Bischoff vs. Shane. This is REALLY long so I’ll try to summarize it as well as I can. Shane and Kane were feuding because Kane tombstoned Linda. Vince is being a jerk and won’t let Shane fight Kane, so Shane fights Bischoff. Kane saves Eric and helps him win. JR then decides that since Bischoff caused Kane to try to burn JR alive, that he’s going to sue Eric.

Austin comes out and says that JR won’t sue if Bischoff agrees to face someone. Eric, assuming it’s Shane, agrees. However, it’s Kane. For no apparent reason, Kane bails and Eric immediately wins by count out. However, the contract had a clause in it that said that the winner got Shane at Summerslam.

My that’s a fast contract to have drawn up in a matter of minutes isn’t it? Anyway, Bischoff goes to Vince’s house and kisses Linda and it’s implied he either raped her or slept with her with her being willing.

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

According to Tony Schiavone, anyone that follows tournament karate knows that Bischoff is a great fighter. In other words, about 4 people know that. Eric gets on the mic before Shane comes out and implies again that he slept with Linda. Eric is cut off by Shane’s music. You can tell he’s pissed because he only dances a bit. They’re on the floor inside of a minute as Shane is just killing him as you would expect.

Shane keeps rolling in and breaking the count and then goes back out again and it’s getting annoying quickly. JR references an elevator company, and sadly enough I get the reference. Coach pops up and smacks Shane in the back with a chair. Bischoff gets on the mic and makes it a hardcore match. Bischoff says that since Coach is the best commentator of all time to cut off JR and Lawler so that Coach can do all of the commentary. Yeah, this isn’t going to be bad at all.

What was the appeal of Coach? I’ve yet to ever be entertained by him at all. Without commentary this is somehow more boring if that’s possible. Shane finally wakes up and fights them both off, breathing some much needed life back into the crowd, but Austin comes out to really wake things up. I miss JR screaming about this. Austin can’t hit Coach though unless he’s touched so we get the I’m not touching you joke.

Shane makes Coach touch him though, which I think is illegal in some states, leading to the Austin beatdown. Austin and Shane make a weird team to say the least. Austin thankfully turns the announcers back on, which I hope is illegal in all states. Bischoff slaps him and gets a stunner from the man that he fired via fed ex.

Shane puts Eric through the Spanish Announce Table, which is famous enough to get all capital letters, with the elbow for the pin on the floor. JR calls this coast to coast. No JR, no. Austin and Shane have beers to kill some more time.

Rating: D. This was more like a big angle and it went on WAY too long. There were parts of this where it was just dragging on and on and on. Austin coming out completely saved this as it was an incredible boring segment. Coach is a waste of air and always has been so why would I care about him?

This was just really bad with only Austin being interesting at all. You know, even after this, the problem for Shane is that it’s never known if Linda did anything or not, so what does Shane actually gain out of this?

Of all things, we get a Wrestlemania Recall. Dude, the show is EIGHT MONTHS AWAY. I get the idea of early promotion, but come on now isn’t that a bit much?

Nash is getting ready for the Elimination Chamber.

Flair is with Orton, talking about how HHH will win tonight. Evolution was in a weird stage at the moment as Batista was out with an injury. The real reign of terror would begin in October when he came back.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri

Eddie is champion here. All four are in the ring and the first person to either get a submission or as Chimmel puts it, catch a pinfall, is the champion. After announcing that, he says it again seconds later in case we weren’t listening I guess. There’s no backstory here that I know of and if there is they don’t cover it. I can’t find any mention of one, so I’m guessing it’s one of those let’s throw everyone together and have them do their best. That can be a great idea at times.

Eddie comes out in a car of course. He would very soon be pushed to the main event and given the WWE Title in one of the biggest head scratchers of all time as he wasn’t a big enough star and obviously wasn’t ready for it, and likely never would be ready for it. Oh so Eddie hit all of them with the belt on Smackdown so that’s our story? Dude, anyone can do better than that. The US Title is just over a month old at this point, so it’s not like there’s time for a real history.

Eddie beat Benoit for it in a tournament final at Vengeance the previous month. It’s funny seeing the table all destroyed with Eddie standing in front of it. It looks so out of place and it’s making me chuckle. It’s kind of cool to think that Benoit and Eddie would both be champions at the end of Mania in 8 months. I love the Rhyno character around this time as he was just completely insane and liked hurting people. I love that.

In other words, he was his normal self. Four ECW guys out there as well, so if nothing else ECW had an eye for talent. I always like the Lasso From El Paso. In a very cool spot, Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface at the same time Eddie has the Lasso From El Paso on Tajiri. For one thing, the referee isn’t sure who to check on, but Eddie has a problem. Does he try to win, or does he break up the Crossface to save the title? That’s very smart and I really like it.

Tajiri gets to the ropes though so that’s all over. Eddie gets put in it and it takes several kicks from Rhyno and Tajiri to get him to break it up. Why does ever spinebuster have to contain an Arn Anderson reference? We get it, he had a sweet move. I will always mark out for the rolling German suplexes. Rhyno hits a gore but Eddie is holding the belt which is an old and classic move. Benoit and Tajiri fight to the floor which allows Eddie to steal the pin with the Frog Splash.

Rating: B-. To me, this is perfect for a PPV title defense for a new champion. It looks challenging, he gets a clean pin over an opponent, it’s about 11 minutes long, and two guys save face, allowing them to challenge for the title in the future because they didn’t get pinned. The wrestling was fine, but as is the problem with multi-man matches, it can get hard to follow. Either way, this was fine and a great way to really start Eddie’s reign.

Shawn Michaels is in a hallway getting ready. I guess that’s better than being in a closet.

Metallica is doing the theme song, with St. Anger. Still not sure if I like that album or not. The song is good, but I’m not sold on it. It’s certainly not bad, but I’m not sure if it is good enough for Metallica.

Lesnar has been a monster lately and this past Thursday he beat up Zach Gowen, and for those of you that don’t know, he had one leg. He broke his leg apparently. Gowen was supposed to fight Matt Hardy on Heat, so Matt declared himself the winner. Matt saying that real wrestlers fight through injuries absolutely cracked me up.

We get the recap of the Angle/Lesnar feud, which they more or less say has only happened over the course of a month and not 8 months, which is the real case. Angle was a heel back then so I guess that’s why. Angle won the title at Vengeance as a face but it was a triple threat. Kurt and Brock formed kind of a super team in between the shows as Angle said Brock helped him through his injury. After he agreed to the title match though, Lesnar turned heel in a complicated angle.

Vince said that Brock had to earn the title shot, but he would have to beat Vince in a cage match to earn it. Ok, that makes little sense on Vince’s part so I guess that means everything is perfectly normal. To continue making things odd, he makes Kurt the guest referee. Before the match though, someone attacks him.

Lesnar goes into the match anyway but collapses. Angle beats up Vince but Lesnar is faking and turns heel by beating up Angle. I’m not wild on Lesnar being the heel, but I guess that works. I am glad that he comes out alone though.

Smackdown Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

They start with amateur moves which I’m always a fan of. It’s just cool to see guys that are so naturally talented at things like that and it’s always fun to watch. This was back when Angle still had meat on him and didn’t look like he was about 200lbs. He was also relatively sane at the time, which is always a plus. In a funny visual, Angle out wrestles Lesnar and sends him to the floor. The Spanish guys STILL have no table.

They have at least a dozen tables for hardcore matches but they can’t loan the Spanish guys one for the night? I’d love to hear how pissed off they are at times. It turns into more of a brawl and Lesnar takes over as is expected. Lesnar’s second press slam is countered into a rollup. I like that as it shows that Angle learns with every move that he uses. That’s a nice little touch that likely wasn’t even intentional at all.

Lesnar busts out a rear naked choke so I guess MMA was always in his blood. We slow it down a LOT as Brock takes over with some standard heel stuff which is fine, but when I watch Brock Lesnar I want to see more than just stomps and chin locks. They keep talking about how Brock won the title last year, which is stupid as I’m pretty sure he’s done more since then. In this match, we get some of the good Angle, as he gets into that zone of his and more or less wills himself to victory.

He continues to steal moves from other wrestlers as he launches into a series of Germans from that other guy. Angle gets thrown over his head as I completely love Brock’s belly to belly and I always have. This review is rather short but as I’ve said many times, it’s hard to make fun of a good match. Lesnar’s shoulder hit the post so it’s hurt as well. Angle counters the F5 into a DDT while making it look miles better than Eddie would at No Way Out.

He pulls the straps down and for likely the first time ever, I’m loving Kurt Angle. He’s much better as a face than a heel to me, but I’m odd in that area. In a very weird thing, Angle puts the straps back up, only to pull them down again. Um, why? It looked very odd to see him do that as he got the big pop for it once so I guess he wanted another big pop? Either way it came off as odd. Ankle lock is on after Brock kicks out of the slam. In a huge twist, the referee gets knocked down.

Angle looks like he’s going for a sunset flip but in a unique move he locks his legs around Brock’s head and I guess uses a sleeper? It looks cool and I could see it working as a knockout hold I guess. From this he transitions to the ankle again and after about 30 seconds and two ropes Brock taps but there’s no one to tap to. I guess Brock is a drunk man? Vince runs out and chairs Angle to break it up as I’m going into a play by play guy which I don’t like doing.

Vince looking around as if to say I didn’t do anything makes me laugh. To just show how much of a freak he is, Lesnar hits the F5 while standing on one leg. To say that’s insane is the understatement of all time. It looks completely sick too as Angle lands straight on his head. However since this is a major PPV, Angle kicks out. Vince’s shirt looks completely stupid. The F5 is reversed into the ankle lock but Brock gets to three of the bottom ropes (called all four by Cole as he’s just a stupid boy).

However, despite him touching the ropes and even grabbing them, Kurt pulls him back and the referee doesn’t count them I guess. Lesnar taps as Kurt Mir keeps the belt. Post match Vince tries to attack Kurt with a chair and in an odd looking bit Vince misses but falls on his back. Angle slam through the chair looks completely sick.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT match. It was two machines working very hard out there and with the right amount of time they were able to make this something special. Brock would get the title back in a few weeks after an iron man match on Smackdown. This was a very good match all around with Angle having to go to lengths he rarely had to in order to keep the title. Very good match and you should watch it.

We get an ad for Shawn’s first DVD which is also available on VHS. That just sounds odd.

Goldberg is getting ready with IPod headphones in. That makes me chuckle.

I think it’s Vince’s birthday if I’m reading the commentator’s hints right.

We see the first diva search winner, Jamie. She never got a contract which is why you’ve never heard of her. She’s cute.

Recap of RVD and Kane. This came about because Kane had to unmask in a very creepy moment and he blamed RVD for it for no apparent reason. Since then he’s just been a violent big red monster. Van Dam tries to fight him off but Kane just keeps destroying him, leading to Van Dam being tortured.

RVD vs. Kane

Just before the match starts, Fink announces that it’s been made no holds barred. At the time Kane was wearing the singlet top with pants and no mask, so he looks like a freaking moron. Anyway, Van Dam comes out and Kane of course kicks his head in for the most part. The opening half is just about all Kane but Van Dam is able to get some random punches and kicks in, but of course since he’s a main event guy, they work better. I’ve always wondered that.

Why do jobber punches mean nothing while a single right hand from say Austin can stop a guy dead in his tracks? Is it the punch that makes a guy great or is it the guy that makes the punch great? We get weapons brought into the equation and now Van Dam at least has a fighting chance. I wouldn’t call this filler, but it’s certainly not a major match, at least not in my eyes, as it’s sandwiched between the two title matches.

It’s odd to think that RVD has been world champion for far longer than Kane was, twenty two times for that matter. Kane comes off the top with the diving clothesline but misses and hits the barrier which is awesome looking.

This is back when Kane was really quite good in the ring still, but for no reason at all they wouldn’t give Kane the belt in 2002 when he was at his hottest since his debut. Van Dam gets in his usual offense but it was fairly obvious that Kane was getting the win here. RVD goes for the Van Terminator but Kane moves. This leads to the tombstone on the stairs to end it.

Rating: C-. You have a former tag team, no rules, and a violent guy. That should be a solid match wouldn’t you think, especially with two of the bigger names around. This just fell flat to me. It’s ok, but it wasn’t something I wanted to really watch. Some people would probably say it was good and I likely wouldn’t argue with them, but I just couldn’t get into it. I think the placing on the card was bad for this.

In the back Eric is getting iced and Terri asks how he’s feeling. He asks if she’s stupid. This came off as really funny to me when it likely wasn’t that great, but I really liked it. Linda comes in and Eric gets all nervous. She slaps him.

HHH is looking at his title belt. I’ve always wondered if it talks back to him. Flair gives him a pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

We get a recap of the first chamber match, including HHH’s legit throat injury. The problem is that we’re never told why these 6 are in this match. We instead get a music video set to St. Anger. From the best I can tell, HHH and Shawn have been kind of feuding, Nash and Jericho I know were feuding, Orton is there because he’s in Evolution, and Goldberg is the next big feud for HHH and his current feud. This is all what I remember and infer from the video.

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Orton vs. Goldberg

In case you don’t know the rules, you start with six guys, four in the individual pods and two in the ring. After a set amount of time, one of the four are released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Orton is out first, so he’ll be in the pod, as will the next three. I’m 21 years old. That’s how old Orton is here. That’s absolutely scary. Nash, out second, got his hair cut by Jericho on Monday, which in reality was for a movie he was in.

Third is HHH, who I would say needs no introduction but he’s getting one anyway. Flair isn’t with him. Correction yes he is, but just very far behind. HHH was coming off a torn groin at the time so he’s rocking some shorts, kind of like Lashley wears but a bit longer. Think of Cena’s but tights. Goldberg is out fourth so Jericho and HBK will be starting. WWE of course had to change his music, which is dumb because his music was awesome.

The chants have already started. Him walking through the pyro was always cool. JR says that describing Goldberg as intense is like describing the universe as fairly large. Listen here fat boy, I use analogies, not you, UNDERSTAND? Goldberg is also wearing the shorts now and he also looks stupid. I guess it was to avoid looking too much like Austin, which makes sense as he was a pure rip off of him already. The fans are WAY into him.

Orton is just a kid here and he looks almost scared to death. Jericho is next, making Shawn last. HBK is the grizzled veteran here who once again is going for one more shot at the title which would be his storyline going into Mania. The Chamber really does look awesome. There’s the bell and we’re finally ready to go. Jericho and Shawn had the classic at WM 19 so this is going to be good. JR says a coin toss determined who starts. How can you have a six way coin toss?

JR says that HBK dominated the late 80s and early 90s. Am I thinking of a different HBK? The fans are chanting Goldberg so I’m not sure what promotion I’m watching. The announcers do a good job of playing up HBK vs. Jericho as JR talks about the history of the world title changing in Arizona. Dude, you’re either preparing WAY too much or you’re the most bored man in the history of the world. Wait, that’s not right anyway.

That was the original world title, not this one. This belt has only been around about a year at this point, so no it hasn’t changed in Arizona. Are you starting to see why I can’t stand JR? This is probably my favorite period in Jericho’s career. It’s a shame he was turned face soon and feuded with that waste of air Christian. Orton is in third so it’s 2-1 in favor of the heels. I wish he did that cross body more. It’s awesome and always has been.

We get the WOO for Jericho’s chops, which is interesting as Flair is at ringside. I wonder if he considers that a compliment. I’d have to think that he would. Ross is really getting annoying with his repetition of things. Ross calls for Orton to break free of HHH and work for himself. Give it about a year or so there Jimmy boy. They finally go outside the ring and hit the cage a bit and the match instantly gets more interesting.

Shawn goes for…something and Jericho catches him with the Walls. It looked bad as more or less Shawn jumped perfectly for the Walls. Nash is in now as they try as hard as they can to make him sound like a credible threat. Well, he’s been in there 15 seconds and he’s not hurt yet so he can consider tonight a victory of sorts I guess. He has short blond hair here, so he looks completely stupid.

He’s the jobber here as no one, and I mean no one thought he was a legit challenger, despite being the only guy here to actually have beaten Goldberg. Jericho is busted. Nash and HHH had easily the worst Cell match ever earlier this year, ending any credibility that he had left. Apparently Shawn is really close to a lot of people. It’s a shame none of them are named Becca.

Shawn super kicks Nash leading to a Jericho rollup to get rid of him, just furthering the theory that he’s a jobber. HHH is next and in a cool spot he steps through the door and HBK kicks him in the face. HHH falls back into the pod, out cold. Nash, desperate to get injured so he gets more time off with pay I guess, jackknifes Jericho and Orton before leaving. It’s a shame that he couldn’t stay healthy as he’s certainly a decent worker, especially when he’s talking.

He gets a solid pop when he throws his hand in the air, so if nothing else the people still liked him. HHH looks like he’s taking a nap. Shawn is bleeding now too, so at least we’re getting some solid violence in this one. This match isn’t very good. It’s about half the length of the original if even that and it’s just not interesting. All anyone wanted to see was Goldberg and HHH, yet for no good reason, we got this. It’s a novelty and nothing more, and in this case it’s hurting things.

Back in 2002, it was great because it was new and flashy. It’s been a letdown since then and this match is a great example of that. I think a big part of last year being a success also was Shawn’s big moment, which really was cool when you think about it. I’m actually pretty bored right now watching this. I think it’s the lack of drama. Everyone knew that it was coming down to Goldberg and HHH, so why have the other four?

There are a bunch of combinations you could put those guys in, so why have the Chamber other than to bump up buyrates? Goldberg and HHH had the one on one showdown the next month, so it’s not like it was never going to happen. It makes little sense to me and it’s really hurting things because we have to wait 20 minutes before Goldberg is there and another 10 before he and HHH get into it.

What’s the point? Most of the rant is over but I reserve the right to come back to it later on which I likely am going to do. Yeah this is another reason it sucks. Right now and for the last 45 seconds or so, EVERYONE IS DOWN. Literally, we’re watching them lay there and try to get up. Dude I can go to my aunt’s house and watch people lay around and do nothing if that’s what I’m looking for. Why would you have a match based on a lot of action and then do nothing with it?

Who do you think you are, TNA? Of course since we get a fistfight, JR says it’s like Saturday night in some obscure Oklahoma town. Is there really nothing better to do in Oklahoma than get in bar fights and choke in big football games? Oh yeah apparently you can overeat and become the world’s most annoying announcer who does nothing but shout and be a big country boy.

I get that JR is a great announcer and he’s had some masterful moments, but DANG he’s just annoying most of the time. Some of the stuff that he says blows my mind with how annoying it is.

Man I want to just sit here and rant about him for the next few minutes but I guess that would be fairly boring, so instead I’ll continue rambling like this. Oh Goldberg is in and the fans have a pulse again. Good for them. JR says he’s hitting everything with a heartbeat. If that’s so, why isn’t he hitting the camera guys or himself?

Jericho and Shawn commit an ultimate sin and cause a sign of the apocalypse by teaming up to fight Goldberg. Orton gets the heck speared out of him to eliminate him and HHH has been down a LONG time now. Oh he’s up. I guess that’s this being a cowardly heel thing I’ve heard about so many times. I know it’s hard to believe but yes, the WWE does make their heels cowardly from time to time.

In the first really good spot of the match, Goldberg spears Jericho through the Plexiglas. That just looked and sounded awesome. Sweet Chin Music is ducked and Shawn gets speared. I don’t have a Becca joke here. Jackhammer ends him. Just before that he points at HHH and JR says it’s as if he’s saying you’re next to HHH. My oh my what a great phrase JR has coined. How does he EVER come up with these things?

Jericho gets the same combo platter so it’s now one on one but HHH is still in his pod. There’s no way to get him out, so Goldberg kicks and punches the door in. That’s actually really stupid but it was all he could do. Anyway, HHH gets completely destroyed as you would expect. HHH starts coming back so at least this isn’t a squash. The showdown lasts all of 3 minutes though as they go into the ring and Flair slips the hammer to HHH.

Goldberg goes for the spear but he gets a hammer into the head. After the match we get the Evolution beat down. JR says that it’s felonious assault. You know what, that’s so stupid I’m not even going to make fun of it. You Jim Ross, are annoying, plain and simple.

They handcuff him to the cage as JR is saying that they think Evolution doesn’t want to see Goldberg around here anymore. Really JR? Did you figure that all by yourself? Did you manage to tie your own shoes together too? I guess Vince and Linda must like each other since they have kids. HHH poses with the belt as we go off the air.

Rating: D, For reasons already given, this match just sucks and it sucks badly. Actually that makes no sense because it means it’s bad at being bad, making it good. Oh dang it I’m turning into JR. Where’s my Texas shirt when I need it? Anyway, this match was horrible.

It was about two guys and they were together for all of 4 minutes out of 18 the match went for. Last year it was anyone’s to win, even guys like Booker or RVD. This year, we knew it would be one of the two, so why should we care? Add onto that the dead time and Nash and this was just really bad.

Overall Rating: D+. This was really quite bad. There’s one very good match here with Brock and Kurt, but other than that everything is either bad or average at best. I liked the US Title match but for the way it was booked more than the match itself. This show is pretty bad, as was most of the WWE around this time.

Nothing of interest was going on and it wouldn’t until the young blood stepped up and took over next year with Benoit’s title reign and Edge coming back from his injury to fight Evolution. Batista would be back in about a month or so to complete the team, which was both good and bad but that’s a rant for a later time. I wouldn’t watch this again, but Brock and Kurt is definitely worth checking out. Other than that, stay away.

 

 

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Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

The main story coming into this show would be the Brand Split but that’s not really an issue here as the main four PPVs weren’t brand exclusive. As for the show itself it’s another double main event with Rock defending his WWE (yeah E) Title against a beast named Brock Lesnar and the returning Shawn Michaels fighting his best friend HHH in a street fight. This is considered one of the best shows of all time so hopefully it holds up. Let’s get to it.

There’s no opening video this year for some reason.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey beat Angle in a tag match and has been an annoyance for him lately. This is right after Mysterio debuted as part of probably the best year for new talent in company history. In 2002 WWE got Mysterio, Brock Lesnar, Batista, Randy Orton and a guy named Cena. This is when Rey’s knees weren’t held together by glue so it should be awesome. Rey comes in from behind and takes Angle down with a quick springboard dropkick but he has to go to the ropes to escape the ankle lock. An early 619 attempt misses and Angle pulls him to the floor. Very fast start.

Angle kicks at the leg as they come back in. An uppercut staggers Rey and a wheelbarrow suplex puts him down. Rey grabs the rope to avoid a German and gets a quick two off a rollup. Kurt gets two off a backbreaker and bends Rey’s back around the ropes. The fans are all over Angle but he shrugs off some forearms and catches a headscissors into a side slam for two.

Off to a wicked half crab on Rey but he somehow sneaks out and gets two off a rollup. Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline, only to get caught in a jawbreaker. Rey tries to speed things up but walks into the overhead belly to belly. There go the straps but Rey armdrags out of the Angle Slam and sends Angle to the floor. Rey loads up a dive but the referee stops him, drawing the most heat of the night. Mysterio will have none of that and dives OVER THE REFEREE to take Angle out.

Back in and a springboard legdrop gets two as the crowd is on fire. Rey tries a victory roll but gets caught in the ankle lock. Mysterio rolls out and send Angle to the ropes for the 619. The West Coast Pop gets a VERY close two and a spinwheel kick puts Angle down again. Mysterio goes up top but Angle runs the ropes for the suplex, only to have Rey flip over him but he tweaks the ankle on the landing. He’s fine enough to pop back up and dropkick Angle on the corner though and he loads up a hurricanrana. Angle falls forward on it though and the ankle lock is good for the submission.

Rating: A-. EXCELLENT opener here with Mysterio showing he could hang with anyone in the company. He really was amazing to watch when he wasn’t banged up and bloated like he is today and this might be his best match ever. This was a great choice for an opener and both guys looked amazing.

Eric Bischoff (Raw) and Stephanie McMahon (Smackdown) agree to share the GM’s office tonight.

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Flair is a legend, Jericho is a young punk. This led to Jericho running down Flair over and over again so Flair destroyed a bunch of Jericho’s band Fozzy’s equipment as they were performing on Raw. Jericho takes him into the corner so Flair slaps him in the face. Feeling out process to start as Flair looks to be in a dancing mood tonight. A backdrop puts Flair down and a belly to back suplex does the same.

Back up and Flair hits some LOUD chops to take over. They head to the corner and it’s Jericho firing off some chops of his own to set up a Flair Flip in the corner. A clothesline puts Flair on the floor and Jericho hits an elbow off the top to crush him against the barricade. Back in and Jericho fires off punches before doing a little dance. The Canadian gets two off a middle rope missile dropkick and chokes Flair with some tape. Flair fires off some chops but gets dropped by a single right hand.

Jericho goes up top but Flair pulls a page out of every opponent he’s ever had to slam him down. Chris misses a charge into the corner and Flair backdrops him down. NOW we go to school but Jericho escapes a suplex and tries the Walls. Flair rolls out but Jericho hits an enziguri to put Naitch down again.

The Lionsault misses and Flair goes back to the chops to take over. Flair tries a half crab but Jericho escapes and puts Flair in the Figure Four. Ric makes the rope but taps out anyway, which isn’t a submission apparently. There’s a rule clarification if you ever need one. The referee goes to tell the timekeeper that the match is still going, allowing Flair to hit a low blow and put on the Figure Four for the submission. Don’t bother setting up the move or anything Ric.

Rating: C. I’m sorry for not having much of note to say but it’s almost impossible to add stuff to good matches. Nice match here as Flair gets to be the dirtiest player in the game again but it wasn’t anything spectacular. Jericho was still awesome as a heel and it felt good to see Flair make a comeback and beat him in the middle of the ring. This was at a point when Flair could still look decent in a pair of trunks so it wasn’t an embarrassment at all.

Heyman gives Brock a pep talk for the main event tonight. Brock is in Rock’s head and the next big thing arrives tonight. This is when Brock was the unstoppable monster instead of being HHH cannon fodder for a year. I still can’t get over that it lasted that long.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Edge is still finding his footing as a singles guy and the potential is through the roof, so the solution is the same as it was with DDP back in 97: put him with really talented people who can make him look awesome. This resulted in Edge vs. Regal, Angle and Guerrero for about six months, making everyone love Edge like few thought possible. Apparently Eddie is jealous of Edge’s popularity and his status as a sex symbol. Cole’s words, not mine.

Technical stuff to start until Edge suplexes Eddie to the apron but gets his neck snapped across the top rope. Edge comes back with a hot shot and a standing powerslam for two before tying Eddie up in the ropes. There’s the spear to Eddie’s ribs but Eddie avoids the second attempt to send the Canadian to the floor. Edge is holding his shoulder (the spear arm) and Eddie has something to focus on. The bad shoulder goes into the steps and Edge is in trouble.

Back in and Eddie DDTs the arm before driving some elbows into the shoulder. A jumping DDT to the arm off the top gets two and it’s off to a keylock. Edge finally gets to a rope so Eddie stomps even harder on the shoulder. Now it’s a cross face chickenwing of all moves shifted into a Fujiwara Armbar. Back up and Eddie belly to back suplexes him down but stays on the arm with a top wristlock. Edge finally slams him down to get a breather and fires off some clotheslines.

The half nelson faceplant gets two and Edge suplexes Eddie to the floor. A cross body off the top to the floor puts Guerrero down but Edge injures the shoulder again. Back in and Edge goes up but has to counter a superplex into a front superplex for two on Eddie. Edge loads up the spear but Eddie dropkicks him in the shoulder to put him down.

The frog splash hits knees and there’s the Edgecution for two. Another Edgecution is countered into a northern lights and Eddie hits the frog splash onto the bad shoulder for two. Some IDIOTS are chanting boring at this. Eddie goes up again but gets slammed down allowing Edge to hit the spear (with the bad shoulder with no problem) for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was chugging right along until the STUPID ending. You cannot have Eddie working over on the arm for ten minutes and then hit the finisher like it’s nothing. What’s the point in even working on the arm if that’s how you end the match? It was going fine until that point but the ending just stopped it cold, much like the spear should have done for Edge.

The Un-Americans are ready to beat Booker T and Goldust to prove that America sucks. The only bad part though is they have to do it here in Long Island. This is a classic gimmick and would work at almost any point in history.

Raw Tag Titles: Goldust/Booker T vs. Un-Americans

The Un-Americans are Lance Storm and Christian (with Test) and they have the gold coming in. Goldust and Christian start with the Canadian being run over and uppercutted down for two. Off to Storm who gets caught in an atomic drop and it’s Booker T in to fire off right hands. Booker drops a big knee for two and brings in Goldust, only to have Storm poke him in the eye to take over.

The fans chant USA like the true xenophobes they are. We get some classic heel cheating as the Canadians double team until Christian gets two off a backbreaker. Back to Storm who walks into a kind of Boss Man Slam but Christian distracts the referee so the hot tag doesn’t count. The beating continues but Goldust catapults Christian into Storm to buy himself some time.

Goldust slaps the mat to try to fire up the crowd but Storm takes out Booker again so there’s no one for Goldie to tag. The champions miss a Conchairto and NOW the hot tag goes through. Booker cleans house and lays in the chops to Christian. A missile dropkick gets two but Booker accidentally superkicks the referee. Booker hits a double ax kick to take out both champions and there’s the Spinarooni. Christian is kicked down but here’s Test with a big boot to lay out Booker, giving Christian the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a BIG step down from what we’ve had so far tonight. The match was just dull and nothing we haven’t seen done better a hundred times. Booker and Goldust had chemistry and fan support so we had to wait four months for them to get the titles. The Un-Americans were a find midcard heel act but the titles should have changed here.

Nidia is at The World (WWF New York) and makes out with a fan for some reason.

Bischoff and Stephanie continue their stupid back and forth.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending and a Smackdown guy in this brand vs. brand match. Van Dam hits some quick kicks to send Benoit to the outside but Benoit takes him down back inside. Van Dam spins away from a kick in the corner and hits a spinning cross body out of the corner for two. Benoit ducks another kick and hits a great release German suplex to take over. An elbow to the face gets two more for Benoit and it’s time to work on the back.

Benoit gets another near fall off a backbreaker and a snap suplex gets the same. Off to an armbar as Benoit wants the shoulder now. Rob gets some quick twos off rollups but Benoit runs him over with another elbow to the face. Benoit runs into a boot in the corner but the split legged moonsault hits knees. The Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls away from the Five Star as well.

Now the Crossface goes on for a good while but Van Dam makes the ropes. The challenger goes up but Benoit shoves him off the top and shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and Benoit hits a shoulder breaker (see that people? It’s called psychology. LEARN IT!) for two as the fans are distracted by something. Benoit wisely puts on a rest hold until their attention is back again.

They trade cross arm chokes with Benoit taking over again. Van Dam kicks his leg out but misses Rolling Thunder, allowing Benoit to put on the Crossface again. Rob elbows out but gets rolled up for two. Benoit goes back to the arm and sends him shoulder first into the post. A northern lights suplex onto the arm has Van Dam….looking confused and two more don’t really change that.

Back to the Crossface and Van Dam looks more annoyed than anything else. Rob (with his hair down for maybe the only time I ever remember) makes the rope and puts a Crossface on Benoit for a few seconds. A jumping kick to the face puts Benoit down for two and now Rolling Thunder connects.

Van Dam hits a shoulder to the ribs but injures the shoulder again (thanks for selling Rob). Not that it matters though as he kicks Benoit in the face for two. Rob gets crotched on the top but counters a belly to back superplex into a cross body to put both guys down. Van Dam pops up and hits the Five Star for the pin and the title. Extra points for Rob doing the finger point from the mat when he’s announced as the new champion.

Rating: B. This bad shoulder selling is getting on my nerves. Benoit had RVD in one of the best submissions ever three different times and Van Dam looked like he had a five year old child on his leg. The rest of the match however was very solid with Rob hanging in there with Benoit who was his usual awesome self.

Stephanie, having just lost the IC Title to Raw (giving them all the belts I believe) laughs. This story continued to not make sense until they just gave up.

Video on the Un-Americans who hate American. Undertaker wasn’t going to stand for this and turned face to deal with them. Well among other reasons but this was his first major feud as a face.

Undertaker vs. Test

Feeling out process to start with Taker sending Test into the corner and cranking on the arm. A big clothesline takes Test down for two but he shoves the referee into the ropes to break up Old School. Test sends him into the steps and into the turnbuckle to keep Taker in trouble. A running clothesline in the corner staggers Taker and it’s off to an armbar. Taker suplexes out but misses an elbow drop as this continues to drag.

Test misses an elbow as well and now Old School connects. Snake Eyes connects but Test ducks the big boot. Taker shoves him off and hits the chokeslam for two. Christian and Storm come in as a distraction but take a chokeslam each, allowing Test to hit his big boot for two. Test tries a chair shot but hits the ropes, sending it back into his own face. The Tombstone finishes this.

Rating: D. This wasn’t horrible but come on. It’s Undertaker vs. Test at the second biggest show of the year with Test being as an Un-American. Did you really expect ANY other result here? The match was passable enough but it’s definitely the lame match on the show. To be fair though it’s not even nine minutes long and it’s not a disaster.

Now let’s get to the real reason this show rocks.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH. They were best friends back in the late 90s but Shawn broke his back and had to retire. Over the next four years, HHH rose to the top of the company and a higher level than Shawn ever achieved. Shawn came back to Raw and offered to reform DX, but HHH laid him out, saying they were never friends and he just used Shawn.

Then someone rammed Shawn through a windshield and HHH vowed to find out who it was. Shawn found security video revealing it was HHH, who said he did it to prove Shawn is vulnerable. Shawn’s doctors said he’d make a full recovery. Say by, Summerslam? The match isn’t sanctioned and is a street fight because it couldn’t be anything else. This is a great example of a feud based on hatred instead of some convoluted idea and it made the match much better.

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Shawn is in jeans tonight to hide the knee braces. Michaels comes out with right hands but HHH sends him to the outside. Not that it matters as Shawn is right back inside with more right hands. HHH is tossed to the floor and Shawn hits a nice dive to take him out. Remember that this is Shawn’s first match since March of 1998, or four and a half years ago.

A clothesline puts HHH down again and it’s garbage can time. HHH gets in a shot to the ribs and drops Shawn face first onto the barricade to get a breather. Shawn comes back in and is tossed over the top again but he skins the cat to a big pop. A trashcan shot caves in HHH’s head and a top rope fist to the head puts him down again. Shawn tunes up the band but HHH counters into a backbreaker to get to the meat of the match.

Another backbreaker has Shawn in agony and flopping like a fish as only he can. HHH gives a crotch chop and kicks Shawn down with ease. It’s chair time but a shot to the back only gets two. Shawn escapes a suplex into an O’Connor Roll for two but walks into a facebuster. A DDT onto the chair is only good for two but Shawn is busted open. HHH takes off Shawn’s belt and whips him in the back as the screaming continues.

And now it’s sledgehammer time. Shawn gets in some shots to the ribs to escape and HHH drops the hammer. The fans are behind HBK but he gets whipped into the corner and it’s off to the abdominal stretch. HHH gets caught holding the ropes and Hebner physically breaks the hold before yelling HHH into the corner. They slug it out again and HHH loads up a superplex but Shawn shoves him off, only to get crotched. HHH blasts Shawn’s wide open back with the chair and the crowd is somber.

A backbreaker onto the chair has Shawn lying motionless but HHH only gets two. He covers a few more times and HHH is very frustrated. A side slam onto the chair gets another two as JR screams for a fast count. Shawn counters a Pedigree onto the chair with a low blow and both guys are down. The HBK chant starts up again and HHH has the chair superkicked into his face. Now HHH is busted open too and Shawn slugs away before hitting the forearm and the nipup to blow the roof off the place.

Shawn backdrops him down and cracks HHH in the head with the chair. HHH is whipped over the corner and out to the floor where Shawn gets to beat on him with the belt. Shawn knocks him onto the announce table and hits him in the head with Hugo Savinovich’s shoe (Lawler: “A heel for a heel!”). HHH is sent into the steps and here’s a ladder being slammed into HHH’s face.

Some shots to the ribs have HHH screaming and the ladder is placed against the post with HHH being catapulted face first into the steel. That’s only good for two so Shawn heads outside again to get the ladder. HHH baseball slides the ladder into Michaels and pounds away at the cut head. For some reason HHH tries to come in off the top and gets caught in a superplex for two.

The crowd is losing their minds off these kickouts. A sunset flip gets two for Shawn but he gets caught by the knee to the face for two. HHH brings in the steps but Shawn drop toeholds him face first into the steel. A clothesline puts HHH on the floor and Shawn pulls out a table. Well why not since we’ve used everything else.

Shawn puts him on the table and splashes him from the top rope in the big spot of the match. Both guys are DONE and the fans are in awe. Shawn sends the ladder back inside, says he loves us all, and drops the elbow from the top. Michaels has that look in his eye and tunes up the band but HHH catches the kick coming in. He loads up the Pedigree but Shawn sweeps the legs and rolls HHH up for the pin to blow the roof off the place again.

Rating: A+. Anyone who has read my stuff over the years knows I do not like a lot of things about HHH. For tonight, forget all that because this is one of the best matches of all time. I’ve seen this match several times and it still had me smiling to see Shawn make comeback after comeback and give HHH every single thing he deserved. It goes to show how great Shawn is as he came in after being gone nearly FIVE YEARS and does this. That’s remarkable when you think about it and is one of the greatest performances of all time.

Let’s talk about the match a little bit. It’s an excellent example of how to book a comeback, which is probably Shawn’s greatest strength. Shawn had the people believing that he was DEAD but he kept hanging in there time after time and made the huge comeback just like the crowd wanted. The other thing that works so well is the ending which a lot of people overlook.

The crux of this match was the destruction of both guys and seeing how far they could take it. At the end though, Shawn uses a basic wrestling counter and a cradle to win, totally shifting gears and beating HHH, the Cerebral Assassin, by thinking. That’s INCREDIBLE psychology and the perfect way to end this match. All in all, it’s a masterpiece and arguably the best performance of all time, all things considered.

Post match HHH becomes the universal evil by hitting Shawn square in the back with the sledgehammer and leaving him laying. Shawn is taken out on a stretcher.

Now that we’ve had that amazing match, it’s time for something completely stupid. Howard Finkel of all people has something to say. He’s been here forever and while Major League Baseball may be going on strike, he’ll be here forever. This brings out Trish Stratus who slapped him in the face recently. Howard insults Long Island women and Trish says he has a sexy voice. He makes penis references and they hug but it’s a ruse to have Lillian Garcia come in and kick Howard low.

We recap Rock vs. Lesnar. Brock is the new monster and Rock is the warrior champion and there isn’t much more to it than that. The videos of Rocky going through special training (actually for The Rundown) were pretty awesome.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar has his agent Paul Heyman with him. Rock charges into the ring and walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. Lesnar hits a pair of backbreakers for two and we head to the floor with Brock clotheslining him into the crowd. Apparently Rock has bad ribs coming into this match. Back in and Brock hits another overhead belly to belly suplex for two before dropping some elbows. A powerslam puts Rock down for two as this is one sided so far. Brock fires off some shoulder in the corner but misses a charge and hits the post.

Rock hits a belly to back suplex of his own and both guys are down. Both guys nip up at the same time and Rock isn’t sure what to think. Rock hits some clotheslines but it takes three of them to finally drop Brock. The champion hooks a Sharpshooter and Brock is in trouble. Heyman throws in a chair which distracts Rocky, allowing Lesnar to to get out and blast Rock in the ribs with the chair. Off to the bearhug which ended Hogan and takes Rock down to the mat here.

The fans are entirely behind Lesnar here which is very strange to hear. Rock doesn’t let his arm drop a third time and now we get a Rocky chant. The champion finally escapes the hold but gets a hard shoulder into the ribs to slow him down again. Rock comes out of the corner with a running clothesline and the crowd reaction is mixed at best. A series of right hands knocks Lesnar out to the floor and Rock loads up the announce table. After scaring Heyman to death, Rock launches Lesnar face first into the post.

There’s a Rock Bottom through the table for Heyman and the announcers couldn’t be happier. Back in and the Rock Bottom hits Lesnar for a VERY close two. The fans shift affiliation again, now cheering for Brock. Their current hero hits a Rock Bottom of his own for two and both guys stagger to their feet. Rock hits the spinebuster but as he loads up the Elbow, Brock pops up and hits a HUGE clothesline. Here comes the F5 but Rock escapes and tries the Rock Bottom. That and another attempt at the same move are both countered and the F5 gives Lesnar the title.

Rating: B-. The match was just ok until the very hot finish, but the last two minutes or so made up for a lot of the earlier problems. This was a great example of how to make a guy like Lesnar look like a monster. Rock left to film The Rundown immediately after this so Lesnar was the only one left standing. Great way to put Brock over here and a pretty solid match overall.

Lesnar celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. As I said this is considered one of the best shows of all time and it’s easy to see why. The main event was the start of a new era in the company, there’s a masterpiece of a match, the upper half of the card is stacked and the worst match is passable. I can’t put it as high as Wrestlemania X7 on the all time scale but the fact that it’s even in the conversations speaks volumes. This is absolutely worth seeing though and HHH vs. Shawn is must see.

Ratings Comparison

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A+

Redo: A-

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Original: B

Redo: C

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Un-Americans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B

Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Test

Original: D

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Original: A+

Redo: A+

The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Still a masterpiece.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/05/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2002-best-summerslam-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

Another year and more changes have occurred. The main one is simple: the Brand Split. Yes, Raw and Smackdown are now two separate shows etc. However, there is an Undisputed World Champion and his name is the Rock. He’s defending tonight against the greatest rookie sensation of all time: Brock Lesnar. No one had EVER seen anything like Brock and they likely never will. He took the company and the business by storm, winning the shot by beating RVD in the KOTR final.

There were even rumblings that he could actually win the title tonight but that could never happen. What a silly idea. Your other main event is the return of HBK, facing HHH in what is considered a classic. This show is considered to be a rival to Wrestlemania 17 as the greatest WWF PPV of all time, or at least of the new millennium. Now I watched this show a few months after it aired and I remember it being good but not great. Let’s see if this is as good as it’s built up to be.

Oh also, two months prior to this, a new branch of the National Wrestling Alliance debuted: NWA: TNA.

Oh it’s also WWE now.

No opening video this year. That kind of sucks.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

No real buildup here other than they don’t like each other. Given the amount of matches that they have to put together now, that’s the sacrifice that they had to make I suppose. Angle is wearing red and white stripes with a blue star, making him look like a barber pole. This was back when Rey’s knees weren’t falling apart yet and was close to what he was in WCW, which is to say, amazing. This is about as perfect of a pairing as you could want.

Rey is fast enough to wrestle with heavyweights, while Kurt is small enough and versatile enough to keep up with him. Going for Rey’s ankle makes sense as it could ground him and take away his best asset, so what’s not to like? My answer: nothing. This has been a very  good match so far. The fans are very hot for this too so that’s always a perk. Rey keeps getting closer and closer here but Angle keeps getting up.

What you have to keep in mine here is that at the time, Rey wasn’t a huge star like he is now. He was a rookie that only had a handful of experience outside of the cruiserweight ranks. Think of him like a better Evan Bourne and think of Angle like Jericho. Imagine Bourne and Jericho opening a PPV and Bourne getting so close every time but just not being able to put Jericho away, but Jericho can’t win either. That’s where you get this match.

These guys are killing each other out there and it’s great, as neither can put the other away. Rey gets Angle on the floor but the referee won’t let him dive. Rey says screw it and jumps over the referee and lands on Angle in a sweet looking front flip (Do a barrel roll!).

619 (which in WCW wasn’t an attack but rather a fake out) and West Coast Pop get two as Rey doesn’t know what to do. Rey goes up top and flips forward to avoid Kurt and goes for a hurricanrana. Angle more or less jumps forward and grabs the ankle. He goes to the middle and just cranks on it until Rey taps.

Rating: A+. Awesome match. That’s the only way to describe this. These two just went out there and did it. This was back when Rey was relatively healthy before his knees just got destroyed. He’s still good now, but back then he was insane. Rey in WCW was the most fun I’ve ever had watching a wrestler.

If you think Bourne is good, Rey from back then would run circles around him. This was as close as Rey ever got to that in WWE, and it was great. Find this match and watch it as it’s absolutely great. Screw it, this gets an A+.

Stephanie is mad that Bischoff is in her office but she agrees to share it with him for the night, as she proves she just can’t act.

Ross and Lawler are talking about the show, but for some reason they had them really far away from the ring back then. It made no sense to me and just looked odd.

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Again, no backstory. We get a clip from them fighting on Raw, including Flair breaking all of Fozzy’s equipment, but it’s never explained why they’re fighting in the first place. This was when Flair was still fairly mobile and not all old and disturbing looking. He was only 52 and still could be decent in the ring. Being in there with Jericho is going to help as Jericho can wrestle Flair’s style, and is smart enough to know how to wrestle a Flair match.

See, Flair is considered one of the best of all time because he knew what he did best and it worked with anyone. Flair had a formula, and all he had to do was plug his opponent into that formula for the majority of the match and then have the finish. This was exactly what he did throughout his career in WCW and it hardly ever failed. Yes, Flair’s matches are pretty standard, but they’re also pretty good. I mean his stuff from when he was in his prime mind you.

Go back and watch some of that stuff from the NWA in the mid to late 80s and tell me if you can find a truly bad match. Now not everything is going to be a classic of course, but he hardly ever had a truly bad match. On the rare occasions that he did, it was because the other guy wanted to run the style of the match, which traditionally meant Dusty Rhodes. Rhodes was notorious for insisting on having his style of match, which worked for him and him alone.

Go watch their Starrcade matches and you’ll see what I mean. It’s just not looking like a normal Flair match and it just isn’t that good. Granted, this could be because Dusty just was awful in the ring as he couldn’t go for more than 5 minutes without resting. He was lazy on a snapmare in that match. It’s one of the most basic moves in wrestling and he’s lazy with it.

Anyway, the point of this rant was that at the end of the day, the reason Flair’s stuff was bad near the end of his career was the matches stopped playing to his strengths and became based on what the other guy could do. Flair made a career out of taking a guy that was good and making him great by making him look great.

Look at Sting. He was a good wrestler, but his rivalry with Flair is where he got noticed, because Flair made him look great. In WWE, Vince didn’t let this happen and it caused Flair to look bad and the guys that were against Flair didn’t look as good as they could have.

Ok, rant over at least for now. Once I get going in those things I just can’t stop. For some reason we don’t have Flair’s normal music. It’s the weird imitation that he had back in 92. We’re a minute into this match and they’re already talking about how he beat Rock and Austin in one night. My goodness that is never going to leave. It’s a huge deal but good grief let it die. The WOOS are loud tonight.

This is a stat that blew me away. Jericho has been around for a LONG time right? He was 2 when Flair debuted. That’s just ridiculous. Flair has been wrestling almost as long as Jericho, a veteran at this point, had been alive. Jericho calls a spot to Flair in fairly obvious fashion. He just leans over and whispers it to him. It’s scary to think that Flair, at 52, has miles better cardio than most of the roster in their 20s and 30s. This match has been very physical to say the least.

There are so many little things that Flair does that show why he’s great. It’s not a bunch of big impressive moves with a few botches here or there. It’s a simple, basic style that has practically zero mistakes in it. In other words, it’s not about what he’s doing well. It’s about what he’s not doing wrong. Then the little things like getting the referee looking somewhere else to use a bunch of punches. He plays to the crowd well too.

How sad is it that so many people today would be clueless about how to do this? We get a cool sequence where Flair goes for the Boston Crab and Jericho gets a figure four, showing how fairly stupid it is to have finishers like that which almost anyone can do. That’s why I like the liontamer, the one with the knee in the back, more. No one else uses it. Apparently over time the amount of points that the figure four puts pressure on has gone from 5 in Gordon Solie’s days to 7 now.

In a brilliant move, Flair grabs the ropes and taps. The thing is, since the hold should be broken, the submission can’t count. That’s a very smart thing to do as it buys him a lot of time. Referee gets a thumb in the eye, or maybe a short knee (rep for the first person that gets what I’m talking about) allowing Flair to low blow Jericho and put on the figure four. Anyone think it’s a bit sexual looking when Flair bounces up and down while in it? Yeah I never thought that either. Jericho taps.

Rating: B. While not as good as the other match, this was still very solid. As good as Flair is though, I’m not sure I’m sold on him practically beating Jericho, who was world champion earlier in the year, clean. It was a very good match with Flair being the better of the two, but still, it just had me kind of wondering.

Promo for Hogan DVD.

Heyman is with Lesnar and talks about him ending Hogan’s career. Lesnar is a freaking tank.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Dang 3 matches and 6 world champions. Again, very limited backstory here as they just don’t have the time to do it. As awesome as Edge’s old music was, he desperately needs something more hardcore at this point. He’s rocking the glasses and the trench coat though so you can see the future Edge trying to get out. However, in less than 6 months he’d be out for over a year, so that kind of got put on hold.

Apparently Eddie is upset about Edge being popular and a sex symbol (really?). That’s almost creepy given who Edge would be married to on WWE TV. Just as I say that about Edge’s injury, he might have gotten hurt. He has a bit of a stinger according to Tazz, who would know something about having a Steve Borden. If he is hurt, Eddie doesn’t seem to care at all.

In case you didn’t know, Edge is a HUGE face here and way over with the crowd. Apparently it’s Edge’s shoulder….er neck…..maybe shoulder…..can the commentators make up their freaking minds?? Either way, Eddie is crushing him right now. Eddie is just going insane on Edge’s shoulder, so if nothing else we have a simple story going on that works really well. If nothing else, how can Edge spear someone if his shoulder is killing him without hurting himself really badly?

The main thing of this match is nothing more than Eddie working over the shoulder. Frog Splash misses but after a brief Edge comeback including the Impaler, Eddie hits a splash down onto the shoulder. Of course, because he’s the charismatic face though, Edge is able to spear Eddie without his arm falling off for the pin.

Rating: C+. The ending just ruined this for me. I got into Eddie’s shoulder work, but then when Edge more or less no sold it at the end, it was a total waste in my eyes. What’s the point in working an injury and taking away a guy’s finishing move if the other guy is just going to no sell it and use his move anyway? That was just bad and made me shake my head, which sucks as the match was pretty good.

Tag Titles: UnAmericans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Now this was a gimmick that I thought was very solid. Christian and Lance Storm represent the UnAmericans here, with Test being the third member of the trio. In short: they don’t like America. They were given the tag titles but very soon after this the gimmick was just completely dropped. I’ve never quite gotten why though. Either way, the odd thing here was that Booker and Goldust were also a team, yet they have absolutely nothing in common.

Hearing the announcers try to give them something in common really is quite funny. The fact that they’re both from Texas never really seemed to sink in. Either way, they were a fairly decent team, albeit they were far more comedic than serious, but Booker would be pushed towards the title picture soon and then put into a serious team with RVD, so all is good I suppose.

Anyway, on with the match. Hearing Lawler try desperately to make Booker and Goldust pro-America is rather interesting, as he compares them to the Great American Melting Pot without ever referring to it as such. The USA chants are really loud to say the least, so if nothing else the heels are drawing heat like they’re supposed to be. Ross’ repetition is nothing short of annoying.

Goldust hits a Bossman Slam as I try to come up with a connection between those two and it’s not working. We get a classic ref didn’t see the tag spot which needs to be done more often. It’s as simple of a way to draw heat as there is in a tag match. This crowd is HOT. Booker gets his own chant as he’s clearly the big star in this match. We knew he was a big deal, but they didn’t push him as such until March, when he was fed to HHH.

Oddly enough, HHH had everyone on the planet fed to him until tonight when he let Shawn, his old buddy, have a classic with him. It’s not like these jokes have no basis in reality, but I’ll save that rant for later…maybe. Anyway, Booker finally gets the hot tag to a huge pop. He throws chops at Christian so fast that the crowd can’t WOO fast enough. That’s actually pretty impressive.

Booker hits his missile dropkick which would have won him the world title in WCW but since this is the WWF and Christian is for some reason popular, he kicks out at two. It always amazes me how a finishing move can just lose its power over the course of a year. Booker spins up as Mark Madden gets another ego boost.

The faces dominate for a good while until Test runs out and kicks Booker’s head off to keep the titles for the heels. On replay, we see the referee looking right at Test leaving as Booker is left lying. Yeah that makes sense. The Smackdown tag titles would be debuted in about two months.

Rating: C-. This was about as cookie cutter of a match as you could have imagined. While it’s ok, it’s just ok. Booker and Goldust would eventually get the titles later on in January for all of two weeks. It wasn’t bad, but just not great.

Nidia does some stupid thing at the World, which is the new name for WWF New York.

Eric and Stephanie make some stupid sex jokes.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. RVD

This is cross promotional, so we have two announcers which is both kind of cool and kind of stupid. Benoit and Eddie have been jumping rosters lately, going from Raw where he won the title to Smackdown. The US Title on Smackdown was about a year away at this point, so there was only the midcard title on Smackdown. Van Dam kicks the freaking heck out of Benoit to start, so you know this is going to be physical to say the least.

This was a weird time for these two as Van Dam was kind of replacing Angle in the triad of the midcard. You always had Benoit and Jericho, but Angle was always a step ahead of those two, and eventually as he was phased up into the main event, Van Dam was thrown into the middle of the card more or less as an experiment and I’d say that it was a success. Frog splash misses and Benoit gets the crossface, which he locks on for about 30 seconds.

No tap though as we’re really just getting going. Over the course of the next 5 minutes or so, Benoit gets another two crossfaces on Van Dam who STILL doesn’t tap as we’re entering HBK at Mania 12 territories of not giving up. In a nice touch of comedy (in my eyes at least), Van Dam locks in the crossface, at least I think that’s what it is although he never was one for submission holds, on Benoit.

This lasts all of 4 seconds though as Benoit is the master of it so why wouldn’t he be able to get out of it? I’m not wild on the two matches with focus on the shoulder like this, but in this case it makes much more sense with Benoit’s finisher focusing on the shoulder. I guess with Eddie and Edge it made sense due to some psychology being thrown in, but I’m still not wild about it at all.

In something I never once remember seeing before, Van Dam’s hair tie comes undone and his hair is freely flowing. I’ve never seen that before and I really don’t like it. He looks almost like Tyler Reks with it like that, which works fine for the surfer, but it just doesn’t look right on Robbie V. I’m thinking I forgot a Ross joke here. That’s going to bother me now. The ending here is just not that great.

Benoit has a belly to back suplex countered as Van Dam rolls over onto him and lands in kind of a cross body/splash. In a very nice looking move, Van Dam looks down at Benoit from the top rope with Benoit’s feet pointing to him. He turns in the air and lands a Five Star for the pin and the title. Really not huge on that ending, as it’s just kind of there.

There’s not a lot of drama as Van Dam just jumps up and hits the splash and pins him. However, a guy winning a title clean is a very refreshing thing to see. There was no interference or anything. Van Dam simply countered and hit his finishing move to get the pin. That’s both good and bad I guess, but the rest of the match was good so I’ll take it.

Rating: B. This was very intense and well done. It’s probably Van Dam’s biggest win of his career up to that point and is probably one of the biggest of his career even to this day, with the world title obviously being ahead of it. He beat Benoit, one of the best ever, clean. If that’s not validation of his ability at least on one night, I don’t know what is. Very good match though and worth checking out.

Stephanie, before laughing for no apparent reason at Bischoff bragging. Not sure what this led to, but it might have been the US Title. Actually that’s not it, as the IC Title would soon be unified with the world title, in one of the biggest head scratchers of all time. It would be revived about 8 months later when everyone realized how truly stupid it was, and THAT would bring about the US Title.

We’re getting ready for Test and the Undertaker. JR says a lot of people want to know who the UnAmericans are, why they’re here, and why they’re doing this. In short: Lance Storm, Christian and Test, they’re professional wrestlers and TNA was a baby at this time and since Vince had more or less created a monopoly there was nowhere else to work, and they’re Canadians that don’t like Americans. Why is that such a complicated thing to figure out?

The UnAmericans carry around an upside down American flag to symbolize how messed up America is. That’s either brilliant or really stupid. They keep saying they hate America, so the American wants to beat up Test. On a side note, William Regal would join them later on. Taker’s punches were called soup bones for no apparent reason around this time, as JR continues to get further and further away from this lovely little thing called reality.

Oh yeah we’re in the Tough Enough era here and Tough Enough 3 was going on. The winner of that was one John Hennigan. You may know him as John Morrison. The other winner was named Matt Cappotelli, and while you may not have heard of him, I was lucky enough to see him in OVW.

He was absolutely awesome and I can guarantee you of this: he would have been either as big a star as Morrison or far bigger. The guy had that X factor to him and you knew he would have been something very special. His retirement speech almost had me in tears. I wish I could find a copy of it.

Undertaker vs. Test

You won’t hear this, but JR says that Test has been living on nothing but potential forever. How true that is of so many workers today. This is part of the UnAmericans vs. everyone else so Taker busts out a hiptoss of all things as he dominates early. The big clothesline hits but Old School is blocked to let Test take over.

Test’s fairly generic big man offense takes over. This is rather slow paced and not very interesting. Taker gets a belly to belly to get out of most of the trouble but an elbow misses. They slug it out which of course Taker wins which lets him get a running DDT for two. Old School connects and the bigger man is in control.

Test’s big boot misses and a chokeslam gets two which is probably the high point of Test’s career. Christian and Storm run in which gets them nowhere. It does however allow Test to get his big boot for two as Test PANICS since the one solid move he knows did nothing at all. He grabs a chair but it gets kicked into his own ugly face and a Tombstone ends it. That was a rarity at this point so it was cool to see. He celebrates with the flag afterwards.

Rating: D. This wasn’t that good. It was certainly more about the angle than the match, and while there are occasions that I’ll make exceptions for that such as Hogan vs. Andre, this isn’t one of those occasions. It’s just not good as their styles were too similar and while Taker is good enough, Test just didn’t care at this point and it shows. Solid angle, bad match, as Test just wasn’t in Taker’s league, ever.

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Taker is just now leaving, so that was an extended celebration I guess.

We start the build for what I think (and yes it’s very debatable) was your real main event. Shawn hasn’t wrestled in over 1600 days. That’s a lot of sleepless nights for Becca. Lawler says that a lot of these people have never seen Shawn wrestle, which means that a lot of people have never heard of home video obviously, or Lawler thinks it’s 1940 and there’s no such thing as taping a match.

In case you’ve never heard it, here’s the basic build for this match. Shawn and HHH were in DX together as you likely know. However, Shawn got hurt and HHH took over DX and became the star that he is today. Now, in the Summer of 2002, Shawn came back for a night, unbeknownst to us, healthy and sober. That night, it seemed to be all about Shawn again, which was unfair to HHH who had actually had a more successful career as far as title reigns and time on top than Shawn had.

That night, Shawn came up with the idea of reforming DX (I want that man shot) and HHH went along with it, or at least he did in the beginning. They do the two words line, but then HHH kicks him and pedigrees him. You can tell this is serious because it goes into slow motion. HHH hits a very weird pedigree as he jumps way too high and it looks like Shawn was countering it with a backdrop.

Anyway, HHH says that Shawn used HHH to get to the top, so now HHH used Shawn to get to the top, which makes even less sense but whatever. Now this is the part of the storyline that I never understood. HHH is cutting the promo in the ring where he says all of that stuff. Ok, that’s fine. A guy gets his attention and says that something happened.

HHH bolts from the ring and goes off to find a bunch of guys around Shawn who is laid out on the ground bleeding and there’s a hole in the window of a car. HHH says he’ll find who did it and when he does, that person is a marked man. Shawn comes back a few weeks later for a satellite interview, and he has the footage from the security camera, and naturally it’s HHH. As I’ve said many times, what’s the point?

For one thing, why wouldn’t it have been HHH? He’s cutting a promo about how he can’t stand Shawn, and since Shawn has been back for all of 2 weeks, why wouldn’t it have been him? Seriously, who else was it supposed to have been? Why wouldn’t they have just shown it being him, maybe ending the show like that, and THEN have the interview where Shawn challenges him for Summerslam? HHH says that he did it to prove a point, which was that Shawn is vulnerable.

Ok, that’s all well and good, but WHY WOULD HE GO ON A FREAKING MANHUNT IF HE DID IT? That makes no sense! What’s the point in turning him heel one week, turning him face for two weeks, and THEN revealing him to be the mastermind for lack of a better term, thus turning him heel all over again? It’s just pure overkill and was absurd. ANYWAY, Shawn says that he’ll be completely recovered by Summerslam. So let me get this straight.

Shawn couldn’t get better from a broken back, which is something that could have paralyzed him, in four and a half years, but if you cut him on the head he’ll recover in less than a month? Are you telling me that all Shawn had to do to completely be healed was cut himself shaving? If that’s the case, Becca might have a fit. This match is non-sanctioned, which Bischoff says means that it never happens. HHH says the logical thing: Oh Eric, but it will happen.

See, that’s my issue with matches that never happen. YES THEY DID! When you erase something from the record books, people still remember the matches themselves. That’s why taking down banners for basketball games or erasing wins is freaking stupid. The games were played, and therefore we’re going to remember who won, who lost, by how much, and what kind of shoes they were wearing.

The match not only happened, it happened in a WWE ring, on a WWE PPV, had WWE commentators and had a WWE referee, but people know who freaking won it! The match DID happen, so what’s the point in saying it’s non-sanctioned? If it was non-sanctioned, then this would be happening in a parking lot somewhere instead of in front of 14,000 people. Since it’s not an official match, why is HHH in wrestling gear?

Does he wear that in his everyday life? Is there constantly a referee following him around to check and see if he wants to go for a pin? Does he think he’s Nighthawk and that he’s competing to become Champion of Wrestling (OCW joke for those of you that have NO clue what I mean)? Are you starting to see how stupid this really is? Just call it what it is: a WWE street fight. It sounds better, it looks better, and above all else: IT MAKES SENSE!!!

They get a full music video before the match here, which actually does show off how great of a match this could be. HHH’s line of “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE ANYMORE!” while as corny as it sounds, actually tells the whole story here in just four words.

That’s the sign of a good promo: it sums up everything simply, without having to use a big elaborate bunch of words to fill in time. All that being said though, the buildup had you actually believing that something special was coming, and for those of you that have seen it, you know that it is. For those of you that haven’t, be ready to enjoy.

HHH vs. HBK

Before I begin, one note that I’m likely to forget. In an interview that HHH gave about Shawn and this match in particular, he says that this was a 45 minute match. From what I’ve seen, it clocks in at about 27-30. That’s a far cry from 45 if my math is correct, but I digress. To say the pop for HBK’s music is massive would be like saying Hogan was a little over.

The flashbulbs are going off all over the place as this is actually a very epic moment. It’s not like Shawn was doing nothing when he left. He was wrestling in the main event at a major show as the world champion and he retained. It’s fairly obvious that he would have gotten at least a rematch with Austin at Backlash and likely have been champion again somewhere down the road. However, it’s likely that his addictions would have caused major problems.

Geez I need to stop these tangents. He gets the mega star treatment which he deserves, including pyro, confetti, etc. He’s actually looking like it’s a non-sanctioned fight, wearing an undershirt and jeans. His shirt says Philippians 4:13, which for you football geeks is what Tim Tebow has on his eye black in every games. For those of you that don’t know who that is, watch some real football, not that nonsense they play in Europe and find out.

For those of you that have no idea what it means, it’s a Bible verse that reads “For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” That makes a lot of sense for this match. Usually I want the face to come out last and get the big pop, but here I think it’s better that Shawn came out first. Also, Lawler says that no one in history has had more charisma than Shawn.

Not sure about that King. I’m thinking of a guy in red and yellow. He posed a lot, kind of made wrestling what it is today. In an odd fact that you may not know, the man who wears red and yellow, despite many tries, has never once beaten Jerry Lawler by pinfall. They fought dozens of times, but Lawler never lost cleanly to him. SCREW these tangents!

HHH gets the booing to end all booing. You have to keep in mind: HHH is at about the level here that he’s at today, so it’s not like Shawn was coming back to fight Dolph Ziggler or someone like that. He was taking on one of the very best. Shawn is all calm here, even doing the lay on the rope like a hammock thing. I really like that actually, as it plays to Shawn’s laid back persona that he had when he was at his peak.

If he was all serious and angry that would have made sense too, but I think this actually works a bit better. Shawn starts fast, throwing his PERFECT towel in HHH’s face and punching him. Apparently this is due to his Texas pride. What in the world does Texas pride have to do with this? He jumped him. Isn’t that being a bit cowardly actually? Why am I trying to make sense of something JR said?

Shawn starts by throwing punches for the most part, but within two minutes he launches over the top rope with a plancha, followed by more punches. That’s a very smart idea actually. Shawn has been out of the ring for four and a half years. It’s not like he’s going to be the Shawn that was wrestling just before the injury. He’s going to have a lot of ring rust, so punching makes sense.

Also, it’s a good safety advertisement for kids and adults. Since this isn’t an actual match, it’s not actual wrestling right? Therefore, Shawn not doing a lot of wrestling moves is showing that people shouldn’t try this at home. Now it’s ok to punch someone’s head in, but don’t try to slam them. We get weapons brought in, namely the trashcan of death, as JR talks about Shawn’s son watching at home.

There’s a great parenting lesson: if you’re ever possibly walking into a match where you have little to no chance of winning and could be paralyzed because your pride got in the way of your thinking, make sure your kids are watching, because it could be your only chance to look good for them. Sweet Chin Music misses and HHH lands a backbreaker, which Shawn sells like death, opening the main psychology of this match, which was to be expected.

You know, you’d think that after four and a half years his back would be a bit better. Oh, Lawler has used vintage four times inside of 5 minutes. I wonder if that’s where Cole got it. You can almost see the Harley Race coming out of HHH already as he looks just pure evil. Ross says that WWE has nothing to do with this match as I am fighting from rehashing what I said earlier.

Chair is brought in and cracked over Shawn’s back, but since he has HEART, he can kick out of what would pin others, despite it being his weakest point. JR says HHH is 6’4 and a half and weighs 260, despite him being listed as 272 just 8 minutes ago. I feel like I’m watching a Captain Planet parody with all these heart references. DDT on a chair which should have crippled someone but he kicks out with ease, but he’s bleeding.

Lawler says this match may have been the biggest mistake of Shawn’s career. He hung out with Luna, so that’s a big negative there King. HHH gets the sledgehammer as Shawn fights him off. HHH goes for an abdominal stretch which I’m sure has Gorilla Monsoon complaining in his grave. HHH grabs the rope, which I’m still trying to figure out how that actually adds anything to the hold.

Earl Hebner yells at HHH about it and you can tell he means business because he has a mic on him, but keep in mind: this IS NOT a real match. Shawn gets crotched on the top rope as a little bit of Becca’s soul dies. Another chair shot to the back would normally end anyone else’s career, but SHAWN HAS HEART! I know I’ve made fun of a lot of this, but this match really has been good.

I’m rarely a person that can pick out specific things a guy does in a match, but even I can tell that HHH is a master heel. They do a spot where HHH sets up a chair and Shawn is side slammed through it. If it broke then it hurts horribly, and if it doesn’t break then it hurts like the 7th circle of torment. We get probably the 5th spot that would kill anyone else, but Shawn has….screw it even I’m getting tired of that joke.

JR says Shawn is limp. I’m sure Becca could fix that. Ok I’ll try to keep the Becca jokes to a minimum now. Shawn starts his comeback in his comeback match by countering the pedigree. The fans are white hot here, even 15 minutes into this. From out of nowhere, Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music into a chair but Shawn is spent, which makes sense. The psychology is definitely here, as it’s always nice to have guys that actually know how to work the mental side of a match as these two do. HHH is busted.

Ok, now this is just getting ridiculous. Shawn has had maybe 5 moves that would have ended any match with ease, including a DDT on a chair, and 5 minutes later he’s fine? Even Hulk Hogan thinks that’s a bit much to swallow from Shawn. Becca says…never mind. All of a sudden Shawn is limping around again, so I guess I can buy the adrenaline excuse. JR calls the chair shot a Jason Giambi like swing which makes me laugh. Of all the power hitters in history he picks him?

The commentators have a crazy idea: Shawn could win. I get that this is supposed to be his last hurrah, but is it that hard to believe? Ok yes it would have been at the time. The fans want tables, so HHH is put on the most famous one of all time: The Portuguese Announce Table! In a weird spot, Shawn pulls the shoe from one of the commentators, which Lawler says is a heel for a heel as I can’t believe he still has a job at this point.

You can say heel but you can’t say belt or strap? It’s ladder time. DAng why can’t it be wiggle time? HHH gets a solid shot right in the hand with it. In case you didn’t know, this is non-sanctioned. Did you know it’s non-sanctioned? I just want to make it clear that this is non-sanctioned. And last but not least, it’s non-sanctioned. HHH busts out a baseball slide as two things happen: he uses a new move so screw you HHH haters, and I am WAY past my record for talking about one match.

You can tell this is a big match as HHH goes up top. Shawn gets a weird float around sunset flip but he shoves himself off at two because the spot looks bad if HHH kicks out on his own. JR randomly throws in how evil HHH is. That is yet another example of why I love professional wrestling. Where else could someone try to cripple you but just a few years later you’re best friends again and fighting on PPV together?

That must have been one heck of a Christmas card that HHH sent him. “Hey man, sorry about that whole wanting you in a wheelchair thing and the attempted manslaughter. Next time we hit Waffle House, you can get a Coke on me.” Drop toehold into the stairs for HHH and we actually get a realistic looking impact. Why are tables such a big deal? It’s not like they’re that deadly.

Wouldn’t it actually break the fall a bit as you have less time in freefall? Shawn comes off with a splash from the top to the floor with a table, which is just cool looking no matter how long he’s been out. The holy crap chants have started, which is fine as this match is awesome. Correction: this match is greatness. There is a difference. The odd thing about that though is that this is really just an extended hardcore match with big names.

They’re hardly doing anything revolutionary, yet the match certainly is great. I think that goes to show just how awesome both of these guys are. They’re taking stuff that we’ve seen dozens of times before but by using storytelling and style, they’re making it look better than ever. Shawn lands the Screw You elbow and bounces up. The old school stomping on the mat clues HHH in to what’s coming and it’s countered into the Pedigree, but Shawn rolls him up to shock the world and win the match.

Normally I would have been for the Sweet Chin Music and the clean pin, but with that we can’t have what follows: HHH drilling him in the back with the hammer to become Satan incarnate. He then does it AGAIN to make Satan look like a baby bunny named Lucy.

Lawler is absolutely losing it in some of the best commentary I’ve ever seen. Ross sounds like any other heinous act, but Lawler is probably at his best ever here. The fans are chanting for HBK, but since he’s not Hulk Hogan, he can’t get up. Shawn is stretchered out as the fans are almost dead silent.

Rating: A+. Holy crap this was awesome. You have to remember, Shawn hadn’t done a freaking thing in nearly 5 years. This would be like Austin coming back and stealing the show and having one of the best matches of his life. Both guys were so on here that it’s not even funny.

Ok, now I have to bring this up because it was the talk of the IWC around this time. As you know, HHH gets a LOT of criticism for never putting people over and while today that’s complete nonsense, those complaints started around this time and I think that at this time they were completely true. “But KB, he JUST put Shawn over.” Yes he did, but you have to remember that at this time no one, not even Vince himself thought that Shawn was coming back full time.

This was a one off performance and that was it. It’s no different than when Hogan came back and beat Orton and HBK. He had nothing to lose but he didn’t put them over as they needed. It’s no different here. HBK didn’t need to win here, given the circumstances at the time. Yes, HHH put someone over, but he put someone over that didn’t need it. Less than a month after this HHH would be awarded the WHC and after a brief Shawn run HHH would hold it for over 9 months.

In that time he beat everyone and beat them soundly. That right there is where he got the reputation for never putting anyone over, and I think those are valid claims. Prior to this he had won the title at Mania 18 and lost it to Hogan, who was just another nostalgia run like HBK was right here. In other words, for over a year and a half, HHH put over HBK, his best friend, and Hogan, the biggest star of all time.

Starting with the creation of the Undisputed Title in December of 2001 and ending with Wrestlemania 21 almost three and a half years later, the longest HHH wert without being world champion: just under four and a half months. Once the second title was created in September of this year or about 2 weeks after this show until Mania 21 (Batista and Cena winning the world titles): 5 months.

Both of these times he was feuding with HBK for the majority of the time. Therefore, I think there certainly was something to those claims back then that he was either playing politics or hogging the title while refusing to put anyone over, as he was either champion or feuding with HBK.

Since we had an amazing moment, we follow it with a bit that is supposed to be funny. This was the Get The F Out campaign because of those panda lovers.

JR and Lawler don’t think HHH is a very nice person. No valentine’s day cards for them.

Howard Finkel has something to say as we have entered the Twilight Zone. He says that he’s dedicated to the business and while MLB may be going on strike (they didn’t), the fans will always have the Fink. For no reason at all, Trish comes out for this. Apparently….they’ve been feuding?

Like I said in my Smackdown review, it’s kind of awesome hearing Fink’s voice being pissed off. Trish hits on him for some reason. Howard references his penis as my scars are scarred for life. Lillian is behind them and she beats up Fink and leaves with Trish. This may have been the most pointless segment I’ve ever seen.

We see a promo package on the rise of Brock and how Rock has been training “specially” for this match, which means he’s getting in shape to film the Rundown.

WWF Title: Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

After all that, Tony Chimmel is announcing. Brock’s music is great and Heyman is in his element as the jerk agent. This match was Rock’s very last time being around any title period as he would make one last 3 month run in the spring, beating Hogan and Austin before putting Goldberg over and riding off into Hollywood, only appearing for Mania the next year.

Basically, this was to launch Brock as high up as they could in one match and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it done better. Rock was really just a trophy champion at this point, having no title matches and never really being the focus of the show at all. Since Austin was on hiatus at this point, Rock was all they had left as HHH was busy with HBK. They figured they would roll the dice on Brock and just see what happened.

There’s not a lot to say here other than Brock is destroying him. I mean this is almost an extended squash, with the fans all over Rock. It’s a smark crowd so I’m assuming they know Rock is gone after tonight. Either way, Rock is getting booed out of the building here and the fans LOVE Brock, who was turned face about three months later at Survivor Series. Actually it was a bit before, but it was official that night as Heyman turned on him, making Brock face by default.

Brock puts on a bearhug which I kid you not lasts nearly three minutes. Granted, it’s the hug that killed Hogan off, but DANG that’s a long time. After the nap I was taking ends with them finally doing something, they go to the floor and Lesnar is down. During this time, Heyman gets the worst Rock Bottom of all time through the table. Back in, Rock hits the Rock Bottom and Lesnar kicks out because that’s what monster heels do.

He hits his own Rock Bottom which Tazz calls, say it with me, the Brock Bottom, and yes, it is stupider than it sounds. They trade punches with Rock winning and going for the Elbow but Brock pops up to just take his head off with a clothesline. That was one of the hardest moves I’ve ever seen.

We get a great series of near finishers and counters, but Brock lands the F5 to completely shock the world and win the title as the fans go nuts. The ending is really fast with clichéd lines like the next big thing has arrived. I think they were pressed for time or something here because the show is over maybe 15 seconds after the pin without even a single replay.

Rating: C+. This again wasn’t about the wrestling but what it meant. As I said this was Brock’s big moment and they couldn’t have put him over any stronger if their lives depended on it. He dismantled Rock and made it look easy. Of course they would screw this up royally by putting him with Big Show who would injure him at a house show because he was too fat for Brock to throw around without hurting himself.

Scratch that. Brock could throw him around, but Show just sucked badly at this time. Either way they had no choice but to give Show the belt in an angle that was just horrid as it made Brock look pretty weak. Also, less than two weeks after this the Undisputed belt is made exclusive to Smackdown which I think is what Stephanie was laughing about earlier.

Anyway it leads to HHH being given (literally) the World Heavyweight Championship which Shawn would win at Survivor Series in the first Elimination Chamber. DAng I got off topic again. Anyway, Brock was awesome, Rock put him over and bailed, and Austin was long gone, so Brock is officially a big deal.

Overall Rating: A+. This show is awesome, but HHH/HBK should have gone on last, plain and simple. It was by far and away the bigger story and got more attention. Also, after that match, the fans weren’t spent but they weren’t as alive as they could have been for the title change.

Other than that, I don’t have any issue with this show. It’s solid all around with nothing bad on it at all. I’ve heard it compared to Mania 17 and while I don’t think it’s better or equal to it, it beats anything for second place at least off the top of my head. Highest recommendation all around here.

 

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Summerslam 2000
Date: August 27, 2000
Location: Raleigh Entertainment and Sports Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Attendance: 18,124
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another show that I barely remember at all. A lot has changed since last time and it’s dramatically changed the card. To begin with, Austin is out with neck surgery and Rock has ascended to the top of the company. He’ll be defending the title tonight against HHH and upstart star Kurt Angle, a real Olympic gold medalist. On top of that, four guys called the Radicalz have jumped to the WWF, basically burying WCW in the process. The card is stacked on this show so let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about crimes of passion, which refers to Angle trying to steal Stephanie from HHH. The video is set up like an old art house movie and is set to HHH’s old music (Ode to Joy). Rock is involved too but looks like an afterthought. It’s amazing how good these videos can be when someone actually tries, unlike today’s generic hype videos.

JR brags about the gate, which is WEIRD to hear on a WWF show.

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Too Cool and Rikishi are WAY over at this point and even won the tag titles over the summer. The RTC is Richards/Goodfather/Bull Buchanan at this point. Some of Goodfather’s former women come out with Rikishi, one of which would become known as Victoria. It’s a big brawl to start until we get Scotty pounding on Buchanan. Hotty backflips over Buchanan and pulls him down before getting two off a high cross body. Off to Sexay for a double suplex before Goodfather comes in and falls to the floor. He shoves Victoria down before punching Sexay in the face to take over.

Buchanan gets in some shots of his own and it’s off to Richards for his cheap shots. A powerbomb gets two and JR sounds stunned. Steven gets crotched on top and superplexed down allowing for the hot tag to Rikishi. The fat man cleans house and Victoria throws Richards back in the ring. The RTC is sent into the corner with Too Cool being launched into all of them at once, but Bull gets in a quick ax kick to take the Samoan down. Scotty loads up the Worm but Steven kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C. Basic six man tag here to get the crowd going. A fast paced act like Too Cool and Rikishi is always a great choice to start up a show as the crowd gets fired up for the entrance and hopefully stays hot for the rest of the show. The RTC was a fine choice for a heel stable as they took away what the fans wanted to see and the people were glad to see them get beaten up.

We see Angle arriving earlier tonight with Stephanie arriving a few minutes later. Later on Kurt went into her locker room with a smile on his face. Angle kissed Stephanie on Smackdown after Stephanie was hurt in a match.

Shane is about to talk about his sister’s actions but Steve Blackman chases him away.

X-Pac vs. Road Dogg

These are the last members of DX but Pac accidentally knocked Dogg through a table on Raw so Dogg walked out on Pac on Smackdown, leaving him alone against Undertaker. X-Pac easily takes him down and slaps Dogg in the back of the head because he can. The fans are all over X-Pac as he is sent to the floor via a shoulder block. Back in and Dogg blocks a spinwheel kick and clotheslines Pac down for no cover. Another kick sends Dogg into the corner but he rolls away from a Bronco Buster attempt.

Back in again and Pac tries a sleeper which shifts into a chinlock. Roadie fights out but this time the spin kick connects for two. There’s the Bronco Buster but Dogg pops up and fires off right hands to take over. The shaky knee drop gets two but the pumphandle slam is countered into the X-Factor which is countered into a spinebuster. Pac counters another pumphandle slam attempt with a low blow and the X- Factor is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This had no business being on PPV at all. It wasn’t even five minutes long and no one liked X-Pac at this point anyway. DX was LONG passed its expiration date at this point and it needed to die a long time ago. Dogg would be gone soon into the new year to hit the inside for awhile.

Post match X-Pac says they’re still a great team but Dogg lays him out with the pumphandle slam. That wasn’t a heel turn because of the low blow earlier.

Eddie sucks up to Chyna (basically in a bikini here) but she says one of them is getting lucky tonight.

Trish says she’s hotter than Chyna but Val Venis doesn’t want to hear about it. Trish was still new at this point and drop dead gorgeous.

Intercontinental Title: Trish Stratus/Val Venis vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chyna

Val is champion and the first fall here gets the title, other than Trish that is. Trish’s little white shorts get a BIG pop as you would expect. The guys start things off with Eddie speeding things up and hitting a jumping back elbow for two. A snap suplex gets the same and Guerrero escapes a powerbomb before clotheslining Val down. Eddie catches Val’s kick to the ribs and whips him around into a Chyna clothesline.

A double flapjack puts Venis down for two and Chyna hits another clothesline for two. Trish tries to get in a cheap shot but the distraction allows Val to take over. A LOUD Chyna chant starts up but Val suplexes her down for two. Chyna avoids a middle rope elbow but her powerbomb is countered with a backdrop. Instead Chyna takes him down with a DDT and it’s back to Eddie to clean house. A springboard hurricanrana gets two on the champion but

Val drops him face first onto the buckle and puts Eddie down with a Blue Thunder Bomb. They headbutt each other to put both guys down but Trish tags herself in and gets two on Eddie. Jerry tries to give the blonde pointers but Eddie easily takes Trish down. Off to Chyna and the mauling is on, but Val breaks up the handspring elbow attempt. Chyna avoids a double team and Eddie pulls Val to the floor, allowing Chyna to gorilla press Trish for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing but the girls looked good enough to carry it. This would be another part of a long storyline as Eddie would cost Chyna the title in about two weeks, accidentally stealing it for himself. Val would split with Trish after this and join up with the Right to Censor for the next few months. Not much to see here other than Trish in the shorts.

Video on Radio WWF from last night with Cole and Foley hosting. This was an idea that didn’t last long at all for obvious reasons. Foley did some dancing (on the radio), Rock called in and the Rock and Sock Connection wound up singing Smackdown Hotel in a segment that only they could pull off.

Stephanie and her bad acting is wondering what she thinks about Kurt. She says he’s a good kisser.

We recap Lawler vs. Tazz. It’s about what you would expect: Tazz talked about being a thug, Lawler didn’t like it, Tazz went after JR but Lawler stepped in, Tazz broke a candy jaw over Jerry’s face and smashed the window of a car JR was in, injuring his eye. Let’s have a match.

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

Tazz comes out with a cowboy hat and a blind man’s cane to really rub in the idea. He takes too long though as Lawler jumps him with a right hand to get us going. They head inside and a dropkick puts Tazz down and follows up with a bunch of right hands to the head. There’s the middle rope punch but a second attempt only hits mat.

Tazz hits some forearms to the back as JR calls him a jackass. Lawler is whipped to the floor so Tazz can talk trash to JR. Back in and Tazz hits what might have been a low blow and goes up for a swanton bomb of all things but Lawler moves. The piledriver connects but Tazz no sells it and the referee is bumped. There’s the Tazzmission on Lawler but JR gets up and smashes the candy jar over Tazz’s head to give Lawler the pin.

Rating: D. What do you expect here? It’s a nothing match which had no business on Summerslam but that’s par for the course a lot of the time. Lawler is harmless enough and at least the win wasn’t clean. Tazz came in so hot but has done almost nothing of note since his debut at the Rumble.

We’re about fifty minutes into this show and it’s been pretty lame stuff so far. Nothing on here couldn’t have been on Raw.

Shane runs from Blackman again but it’s time for his match.

Hardcore Title: Shane McMahon vs. Steve Blackman

Shane took the title from Blackman with the help of a small army on Monday. Steve brings in a kendo stick so Shane runs to the apron. They throw the stick back and forth until Blackman offers him a free shot to the back. Shane picks up the stick but Blackman spins around to block it, starting a chase through the crowd. Blackman finally catches him with a trashcan shot and the beating begins. Shane gets caught in the crowd and some chops to the chest put him down.

We head back to ringside and a bicycle kick to the chest puts Shane down. A trashcan lid shot to the knees puts Shane down and a spinning shot to the back of the head does the same. We bring in more weapons now with trashcans and the hardcore sticks. The can goes over Shane’s head and pounds away with the sticks as JR makes Conan O’Brien references of all things. Blackman hits his belly to back suplex with the sticks (his finisher) but opts to throw Blackman around with a strap instead.

A snapmare off the top with the strap puts Shane down and Blackman puts on a half crab while pulling on the throat with the strap at the same time. This brings out T&A (Test and Albert) for the save and Test drops a top rope elbow onto the can lid onto Blackman’s chest. Shane starts his dancing punches but Blackman kicks the cane lid into his head. Albert takes Steve down again and Shane drops Blackman with a sign to the face.

They go up to the entrance with Test shoving what looked like a speaker over onto Blackman but Steve avoids to prevent death. Blackman finds a kendo stick to take the big guys down but Shane gets in a cheap shot. He runs away and climbs up the set like a crazy man and Blackman goes after him. They go WAY up into the air with Blackman hitting Shane in the back with the stick, knocking him probably thirty feet down onto a crash pad. Blackman climbs down a bit before dropping a big elbow to take the title back.

Rating: B-. Well that woke up the crowd a bit. The dives at the end looked GREAT with Shane continuing to prove that he’s a crazy man. Blackman never came close to this level again because he was just so boring, but this was quite a moment for him. The stuff before the wild part was better than I expected and this was the first match that felt like it belonged on a major show.

Stephanie is freaking out about Shane when Angle comes in. She freaks out so Kurt hugs her but Foley comes in to interrupt. He takes Stephanie with him to check on Shane, leaving Angle annoyed.

We recap Jericho vs. Benoit. Pick a reason for them to be fighting and you have a good feud here. In this case, Benoit has been attacking Jericho and injured his ribs so Jericho retaliated, setting up a back and forth battle with Jericho coming up with an awesome series of rhymes (“I will fight Benoit on a boat or when Chris Benoit is with a goat. I will fight Benoit when he is taking a quiz, and I will make him look like the jackass that he is.”)

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

This is 2/3 falls just to make it more fun. It’s a big brawl to start with both guys falling to the floor and taking the referee with them. Jericho pounds away at him but charges at Benoit and getting launched into the post. Back in and Benoit takes him down but neither guy can hook their finisher. Jericho hits a release German for two but gets caught in a tombstone shoulder breaker for two. A bulldog puts Benoit down but Benoit gets the knees up and puts on the Crossface for a tapout at a little over three minutes.

Benoit goes right back to the Crossface but Jericho FINALLY makes the rope. Benoit gets back up and puts him in the Tree of Woe to crank on the neck even more. Jericho’s shoulder is sent into the post both on the outside and back inside for two. Benoit sends him into the post yet again but Jericho finally gets in a shot to the face to escape. The comeback is short lived though as Benoit grabs him into a German suplex but Jericho rolls through another one into the Walls in the middle of the ring for the submission at around eight and a half minutes to tie it up.

Jericho gets a quick two off a backbreaker before firing off some HARD chops. A top rope back elbow to Benoit’s jaw gets two but the arm gives off on a powerbomb attempt. Benoit backdrops out of it but Jericho hands on and tries a backslide but Benoit counters into a dragon suplex for two.

Benoit goes up top but gets caught in a great hurricanrana to put both guys down as Jericho landed on his shoulder again. Back up and Jericho hits the flying forearm followed by a spinwheel kick but Benoit grabs the bottom rope at two. The Lionsault connects but Jericho hurts his shoulder again. He grabs a rollup but Benoit counters into one of his own with a grab of the ropes for the pin.

Rating: A-. Yeah this was awesome. Benoit and Jericho could wrestle for an hour a night every night and it would never get boring. Both guys looked great and the arm told a great story to center the match around. This is a big reason why the WWF was so hot this year: you could take any combination of these guys and Angle and have a great match on any show.

HHH arrives over 80 minutes into the show.

We recap the HHH/Stephanie/Angle stuff.

We recap the tag title match. It’s called tables, ladders and chairs. I think that sums it up perfectly well don’t you?

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending coming in. The Boyz all battle in the ring to start but the Canadians bring in chairs. The Hardyz take them away but Bubba knocks one back into Jeff’s face. Edge and Christian get in some shots with the chairs to put everyone down and it’s ladder time. Bubba slams the ladder into Edge’s face and DDT’s Christian down as the fans want tables. Matt and Jeff come back in to powerbomb Bubba down and a second ladder is brought in.

Matt and D-Von climb up but it’s Edge climbing up as well to bring them down with a double Russian legsweep. Bubba and Christian climb up and it’s a Bubba Bomb to bring the champion back down. The fans LOVED that one for obvious reasons. Matt shoves down both ladders but Jeff sets one up and climbs for the gold. Edge pulls him down and drops him onto the other ladder, sending it flying up into Matt’s face in a painful spot.

The Conchairto misses Jeff and it’s Bubba picking up the ladder to run everyone over. What’s Up to Edge off the ladder pops the crowd a lot but the GET THE TABLES line gets them even louder. A 3D puts Christian through the table and Bubba wants to kill someone. He and D-Von stack up four tables (two by two) outside the ring and Jeff is their target. Edge saves him with a chair for some reason but Matt lays out Edge with the Twist of Fate.

Both Hardys drop legs from the ladder and Matt lays the ladder down next to Edge. Matt puts Edge inside the ladder and crushes him inside of it before throwing Christian off the top and onto the ladder, destroying Edge even worse. Jeff climbs a ladder outside the ring and tries a Swanton to Bubba but only hits the tables, knocking Jeff out cold. Christian knocks Bubba silly with a chair on the floor to put him down.

Back in the ring and the big ladder is set up with everyone but Bubba and Jeff going up. Christian hits the reverse DDT to pull Matt down and the other two go down at the same time. It’s a drunk looking Bubba coming back in and climbing the ladder but Edge and Christian gets up and shoves him through the four tables at ringside. The champions both climb but here’s Lita to shove the ladder over, crotching them both on the top rope.

Matt goes up but D-Von shoves the ladder backwards, sending Matt back first through a pair of tables in a SCARY bump. Edge spears Lita down, drawing a bad swear from JR. D-Von is climbing but somehow Jeff is on the other side. Both guys grab a belt but Edge moves the ladder, leaving both guys hanging. D-Von is knocked down and the Canadians spear Jeff in the ribs with a ladder to bring him down. Everyone else is dead so Edge and Christian go up and get the belts to retain.

Rating: A. These six guys have a great match involving ladders. Imagine that. This match holds up incredibly well but the sequel would somehow be even better. That’s the biggest problem with this match: people remember the sequel instead of this one. The table bumps in this were great with Bubba and Matt destroying anything they landed on. It’s a great carnage match and is worth checking out if you haven’t seen it in awhile.

HHH demands an explanation from Stephanie so she blames Kurt for the whole thing. They’re husband and wife and he hasn’t asked her about this in THREE DAYS?

The Kat vs. Terri

This is a thong stinkface match which tells you everything you need to know. Al Snow and Perry Saturn are the respective seconds. They don’t even bother with the pretenses and start in swimsuits. I’m not even going to bother with this: the girls look decent, there’s a lot of catfighting, Kat hits a Bronco Buster, Saturn interferes, the roll each other up out of sheer stupidity, the referee is headbutted low, a shot with Snow’s Head knocks Terri out and Kat gets the win. Moving on.

The APA is at WWF New York.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Kane attacked his brother because he’s a monster and that’s about it.

Kane vs. Undertaker

This is the first time for Biker Taker vs. Kane. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Taker sending Kane face first into the post. Taker gets inside and starts ripping at the mask but Kane fights back with right hands in the corner. Kane brings in a chair but Taker fires off punches to the ribs to block the shot. It’s Kane who gets hit with the chair first and Taker tears part of the mask off. You can see the left side of Kane’s forehead and the big fried freak is MAD.

He rams Undertaker into the barricade a few times but Taker kicks the steps into Kane’s face. The steps are LAUNCHED at Kane’s head to take him down and it’s time for the full mask to be pulled off. Back in and Kane gets in a low blow and MAN is he busted open. Taker won’t go down from right hands and spears Kane down before going after the mask again. A low blow breaks up Kane’s chokeslam and the mask is pulled off! Kane bails before we can see anything and Taker wins.

Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade as it’s not a match at all but a big fight the whole way through. Biker Taker was still new at this point so a match like this did a lot as far as getting him over. I use the word match loosely as JR didn’t even hear the bell ring (it did but it didn’t change much). Kane would float around for the next several months (shocking I know) before the Invasion started up.

Angle calls someone.

Stephanie is giving HHH a pep talk when the phone rings. She freaks out when she answers it and says Hi Mom. HHH wants to say hi to Linda but the “reception” cuts out. Nice scene there.

We recap the world title match. HHH vs. Angle you know and Rock vs. HHH has been a war since before Wrestlemania. Rock really felt like an afterthought here but that’s ok given his issues with HHH still being relatively fresh.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. The Rock vs. Kurt Angle

Fink makes sure to tell us there are no countouts or disqualifications. Before the match Angle apologizes for not kissing Stephanie sooner. He’s an Olympic gold medalist and earned those medals by not backing down. He runs his mouth about giving Stephanie some real passion and that’s more than HHH can take. The Game storms the ring and the brawl is on before the bell. HHH shoes the referee down and Angle hits a Cactus Clothesline to take them both to the floor.

They head to the announcer table and HHH loads up a Pedigree…..and the table breaks before HHH jumps, sending Angle face first into the concrete, legitimately knocking him out cold. HHH checks on Angle before pulling out the hammer. Rock comes out to keep things from falling apart as Angle is taken out on a stretcher. In other words, we’re stuck watching Rock vs. HHH for the next twenty minutes. Well if you insist.

They brawl on the floor with Rock sending HHH into the announce table before heading back inside for HHH to pound on Rock in the corner. HHH looks down as Angle is being wheeled out and Rock gets in some right hands but the Game drapes Rock over the top rope, sending him out to the floor. HHH chases Angle down and pulls the stretcher back to the ring before getting in some right hands which are pretty dangerous given his actual injury. Rock makes the save to let Angle be taken back for the needed medical attention.

HHH loads up a Pedigree on the floor but Rock counters into a catapult into the steel set. Angle is still in the arena as Rock takes HHH back to ringside. He hits HHH low as Stephanie is checking on Kurt. Rock is sent into the post and we head inside with Stephanie now at ringside. HHH doesn’t want her here but since she is he tells her to get the belt. Stephanie brings it in and “hits” HHH in the face with it by mistake to give Rock two. Rock tries to pull Stephanie into the ring but HHH hits him low to save. Stephanie bails to the back and we’re back to one on one.

Rock fires back with the jumping clothesline and the fans are very hot for this. HHH rolls to the floor and brings the sledgehammer in again. Rock gets in a right hand but the Game hits him in the ribs with the hammer. HHH fires off kicks to the ribs and some shoulders in the corner for good measure. A facebuster gets two on Rock and HHH stays on the ribs. We head back to the floor with Rock’s back being sent into the post. Back in and HHH stomps on the ribs even more but Rock comes back with a swinging neckbreaker.

Yet another knee to the champion’s ribs takes him down and HHH goes up top. Rock comes back and supereplexes HHH down and we cut to Stephanie begging Angle to come back to the ring to help HHH. The Game finally rolls over and covers Rock for two but Rock gets the same on a belly to belly. Stephanie is literally dragging Angle back to the ring so he can trip Rock, allowing HHH to hit the Pedigree. Angle breaks up the pin and sends HHH into the steps before trying to steal the title for himself in a great false finish.

A quick belly to belly gets two on Rock and Stephanie isn’t moving towards the fallen HHH at all. Rock hits a belly to belly throw and a DDT for two on Kurt before whipping Angle into HHH, knocking the Game into the barricade. Rock Bottom gets two on Angle as HHH saves before sending Rock into the post. HHH tells Stephanie to get the hammer but Angle gets it first. HHH kicks Angle in the ribs and goes for a right hand but hits Stephanie by mistake. Kurt knocks HHH out with the hammer but Rock breaks it up. The People’s Elbow to HHH retains the title.

Rating: B. Like I said, if I have to watch HHH vs. Rock for fifteen minutes plus then so be it. Angle being injured that early made for an interesting ending here as the majority of the match was heavily improvised. The HHH vs. Stephanie stuff would be cranked up even higher when Angle would win the WWF Title the next month.

Angle carries Stephanie out to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. The first half took a bit to get through but the last few matches are all great. This was still a great time in the WWF as you had everything clicking and all the big matches being better than you would expect. Austin would be back in a few months to bring things up even higher. Great show here and a forgotten classic.

Ratings Comparison

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Original: B-

Redo: C

X-Pac vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: D

Val Venis/Trish Stratus vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chyna

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: C+

Redo: D

Steve Blackman vs. Shane McMahon

Original: B

Redo: B-

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

Redo: A-

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian vs. hardy Boys

Original: A-

Redo: A

The Kat vs. Terri

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: B

Redo: C

The Rock vs. HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A-

As always I rated things a bit higher back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/03/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2000-why-does-no-one-remember-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 2000
Date: August 27, 2000
Location: Raleigh Entertainment and Sports Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Attendance: 17,002
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another year, and another Summerslam. We have no Austin at the moment, but he’s coming back very soon from neck surgery. In his absence, HHH and Rock have shot to the moon in popularity with Rock being the face of the company at the moment and the reigning WWF Champion. His opponents are HHH and Angle, who had a double pin in a triple threat with Jericho. Also, they’re feuding over Stephanie.

We also have biker Taker vs. Kane, and the first ever TLC match with the three teams that you would expect to be in a TLC match. We’re just on the verge of being out of the Attitude Era as WCW knows they’re a dying breed at this point and would be out of business in about 8 months. Therefore, WWF has won and they’re still pouring it on with the Attitude Era, but with Austin gone a lot of the edge has left, as the gap is nowhere near as big as it once was between him and the rest of the roster.

Either way, WWF is no longer dominating but is victorious in the wars with just the final surrender to go. This is the last Summerslam before the takeover of WCW, so let’s see if it’s as good as the rest of the Attitude Era.

This intro is out there. It’s all in sepia, which is that gray color you see in old movies. It’s a bunch of odd scenes and looks like something you see on an acid trip, mixed in with wrestling clips. It shows kind of a highlight package of the main feud, which makes me think that the main event should have been Rock vs. someone else (not sure who, maybe Jericho or Benoit) and HHH vs. Angle in a separate match.

One of the clips in this is the Trish bent over in front of HHH scene, which is still one of the best done comedy moments in the history of the WWF in my opinion. We get the pyro etc. as Ross and Lawler welcome us.

Right To Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

It’s the Lee special as Steven Richards, Bull Buchanan and Goodfather are the RTC tonight, with Val coming later I guess. It’s hard to believe that Rikishi would be revealed as the man that ran over Austin in less than two months. Ok, the name plates for the wrestlers are going to be a problem. When they come on the screen or go off the screen they make this weird sounds and it sounds like someone is knocking on my window.

In case you don’t know, RTC was a parody of the PTC, which in essence is a company that whines and complains about how everything on TV is poisoning children’s minds. There’s a massive rant that I’m holding back here that could go on for about four pages but I’ll spare you from it. Anyway, they try to censor anything they don’t like, and they don’t like Rikishi’s thong. Too Cool and the fat guy come out with two of Godfather’s former Hos, one of which is known as Victoria.

Victoria in a short skirt dancing is something that we need a LOT more of. Apparently the WWF Title match is no holds barred. The crowd starts chanting save the gardening equipment. Yeah that joke sucks but I couldn’t help it. More or less this turns into Rikishi dominating against the other three while Too Cool do nothing at all. In other words, it’s a standard Too Cool and Rikishi match. He goes for the stink face, which is an abomination on wrestling if I’ve ever seen one.

It (thankfully) doesn’t happen as Bull kicks him in the head. Scotty goes for the Worm which is even worse than the other move, but I become a Stevie fan as he kicks Scotty’s head off and pins him. Short and sweet, just how I like it.

Rating: B-. It was a fast opener which is perfect for a PPV. For some reason the crowd always loved Too Cool, despite the fact that they completely sucked. I loved that we didn’t have to see either of those horrid moves though, so that’s a plus. Also, I like when the heels win the opening match. It makes the faces winning later that much better.

We get a recap of what happened on Heat, which is both Kurt and Stephanie arriving. I might as well explain the backstory here. Kurt had been flat out hitting on Stephanie for weeks but nothing ever came of it. Three days prior to this on Smackdown, there was a match where Kurt and HHH were in it at the same time. I think it was a tag but I don’t remember. Either way, Stephanie got knocked down and ala Hulk and Liz from 1989, Kurt took her to the locker room.

He kept apologizing and eventually kissed her, which she seemed to like. Anyway, both of them get here tonight with Kurt getting there first. Coach (in 2000? REALLY?) asks both of them questions which aren’t answered. Once Stephanie gets there, she asks if HHH has shown up yet and is told no. She hears that Kurt is here and asks which way he went. He went to the left, so Stephanie goes to the right.

Shane is being interviewed about Stephanie, but Steve Blackman, his opponent for later is near him and he runs off.

And now, submitted for your appreciation, following the frustration which led to a separation and then this altercation which spells the decimation of the degeneration, here is the initiation which I hope isn’t an abomination.

Sorry when Road Dogg starts talking that just comes over me. Anyway, DX has split and this is the result if you don’t speak rhyme.

Road Dogg vs. X-Pac

Short version: they’ve been fighting and Pac accidentally knocked Road Dogg through a table on Raw Monday night. We see a clip of these two against Taker in a handicap match, and Taker’s outfit is I guess leather pants and a Taker t-shirt. I’m not sure if I like it or not but it’s just very different looking. As we’re under way, Ross says that there are people that consider these two to be one of the best tag teams of all time.

I’m not sure if I should go with the X-Pac doesn’t look like Billy Gunn joke, or the how blind are you people joke. Either way, that’s just preposterous and….and….and that’s a hard word to rhyme so I’ll just skip it. It’s odd to think of but out of these two, Road Dogg is pretty comparable to X-Pac as far as their overall resumes go.

He has 7 tag title reigns (two were in TNA) and an IC and Hardcore title reign, while Pac has some cruiser/light heavyweight reigns and two Euro titles to go with 4 tag titles that only two of which are even remembered. I’ll take an IC reign over two Euros any day, but that’s a different point all together. The fans don’t like this for some reason, which is odd as it’s not a bad match at all.

I guess this is the famous X-Pac heat? I actually think that’s what it is as that was happening when he was in control but the fans are into it when he’s getting beaten up. Both guys were built up as faces coming into this though, so he’s not supposed to be the heel here. Granted the low blow that he uses to set up the X-Factor would suggest otherwise. That ends the match. He of course has to grab a mic though, and says there’s no hard feelings.

Dogg doesn’t and hits the pump handle. X-Pac I guess just turned heel? If he did it was horrid. Road Dogg was actually pretty over here, which is why I’ll never get why he never got a solid push. He was good in the ring, he was WAY over and he could talk. That sounds like the makings of a decent push to me.

Rating: C-. It just wasn’t there for me. It’s not bad, but it’s just not that interesting. In a match like this, someone needs to make the big heel turn before the match. Now Dogg’s best strength was on the mic so turning him would make no sense, as he needs to talk to get over as well as he does. The fans already hate Waltman, so I think he’s your guy. Either way, this just didn’t do it for me and while it was ok, it’s just ok and that’s not good in my eyes.

Eddie and Chyna are talking as Chyna is apparently more or less going to wrestle in a bikini. I’ve made my stance clear on Chyna from this era, so I’ll save the drooling for later. We cut to Val and Trish’s locker room, which is a partnership that I don’t remember at all. Trish is babbling about how she should be a centerfold before Chyna is, which is foreshadowing the Playboy shoot that was coming for Chyna. Val says that’s not important but the IC Title is.

IC Title: Trish/Val Venis vs. Chyna/Eddie Guerrero

Just like at last year’s Summerslam when Santino and Beth won the titles, this is for the IC where whomever gets the fall winning the belt. So yeah I guess somehow Trish could win the title here. Ok according to Ross if Trish wins, nothing changes. Well that’s nonsense. Lawler comments on the name graphics on the screen, thinking it’s someone knocking. That’s actually accurate.

The guys start us out as I think gender vs. gender is legal here. It’s very weird hearing the announcers talk about Trish being horrible in the ring and needing all kinds of help to do basic things. After a decent sequence between the guys Chyna comes in and easily holds her own against Val. She was something incredibly special to say the least.

No Trish yet as Val stops the tag to Eddie, spitting at him. The problem is that it costs him as he takes a low blow and a DDT. The tag brings in Eddie as we still have no hot Canadian. I mean hot Canadian with boobs that is. Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Eddie. We get a shot of Trish and it blows my mind that they found someone as beautiful as her with the ability she had.

Trish finally comes in and of course has nothing at all. Chyna comes in to feast on her for a bit, which is probably not the best wording at all but who cares? Val stops the handspring elbow that I want to smack Muta for making a staple of Diva matches. Eddie intercepts Val and it’s girl on girl. Guess how that goes for the blonde. Press slam drop makes Chyna the champion.

Rating: D+. A lot of that rating is for the hotness factor. It’s really hard to believe that Trish was actually this bad at one point. The match was ok, but I’ve never liked matches like these. If nothing else, get another Canadian (Test maybe?) and just have a fatal four way. You can get the same result and you have a better wrestler on top of that.

We see a party at WWF New York with Cole and Foley hosting. Some others show up and it ends with Foley dancing with Too Cool and singing with Rock. This had to be one of the coolest ideas ever, but there was no way to keep it working well.

Stephanie proves why she might be the worst actress of all time as she talks about Kurt’s kiss with the makeup lady.

We get a recap of Tazz vs. Lawler. More or less Tazz was ticked off at JR for saying Tazz was a thug, which was what Tazz always called himself. Lawler defended him, and we get this out of it. This was actually a pretty decently built up feud I thought, with Tazz beating up JR in a car and then Lawler afterwards. It’s better than it sounds.

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

During the car attack Ross’ eye was hurt and Tazz makes fun of that on his way there, which is actually pretty funny. He really was an underrated performer. I also love how everything can be forgiven by a simple face turn in wrestling. Lawler in white boots just looks weird for some reason. Teddy Long is the referee as you never know who you’ll see in a match sometimes.

Lawler of course is beating the heck out of him at first only to get caught later on. JR is so pro King it’s sad, although the storyline goes that way so it makes sense. Tazz goes up and tries what I guess we would call a Swanton Bomb, but it misses, Lawler pulls the strap down and piledrives Tazz, but he’s up before Lawler is. Ref gets bumped. Now if I know Lawler, and I’ve seen a lot of his stuff, I’m betting on an international object being hidden in his tights.

Anyone want to take a bet on that with me? Actually I’m wrong as Lawler gets choked out, but Ross slams a candy jar into Tazz’s head to break it up and let Lawler pin him. The odd thing is, and I’m guess this is what inspired it, at Wrestlemania that year Tazz got hit in the face with a candy jar like that in a hardcore match and it damaged his eye.

If I remember the reports correctly, it was Tazz that was supposed to get Benoit’s push. Now there’s something to think about. Another thing to think about: I like Lawler’s music.

Rating: C+. This was a simple storyline that needed a simple resolution and that’s what we got here. Lawler is always dependable in the ring and this was no exception. Ross getting involved is a nice little treat that you rarely see, although he likely should have been fired in kayfabe for that. Anyway, this was just a fun short match to let the old guys have a nice moment, and there’s nothing wrong with taking ten minutes, including the lead in and intros etc., to do that on a three hour show.

Lillian, who is A, somehow STILL not the ring announcer and B, looking WAY hotter with curled hair, tries to talk to Shane but he runs again because of Blackman, and their match is next.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Shane McMahon

Shane runs to the ring holding the belt. As he’s running we see how he won it, which was using the 24/7 rule and the help of Edge, Christian, Test and Albert. That’s how much of a hardcore god Blackman was at the time. Anyway, Shane is running scared here as he finally has to defend it. The bell rings twice, so I guess the match never actually happens, but why am I using logic in the WWF?

In a funny spot Shane and Blackman play pass the kendo stick, but in a cool spot, Blackman grabs the stick out of Shane’s hands mid swing and beats him with it. That looked quite cool actually. This is in the ring all of 8 seconds and JR and King are making Survivor references, as at the time that was the hottest show in the world. Now it’s still big I guess, but has anyone watched it in forever? This is a total beatdown so far as Blackman is just killing Shane.

I completely mark out as a garbage can is put on Shane and Blackman beats him half to death with sticks, allowing JR to say that it reminded him of Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7. That was just flat out awesome as we get a Conan reference on Summerslam. That is just so freaking sweet. Anyway, nerd boy moment over. Leather strap is brought in and tied to Shane, which is always fun.

We need more Texas Bullrope matches, and I mean the touch four corners kind. Shane is more or less hogtied in a submission hold that looks SICK, but Test and Albert run in for the save. JR goes through the history of Shane and Test and Stephanie which sounds like it’s a parody of a soap opera that it’s so cheesy. The sweet elbow of Test hits Steve so this match is a success.

They fight up to the entrance where Blackman is able to beat up the muscle guys, but Shane keeps running. However, he runs out of places to run, so he climbs one of the towers. What happens next is freaking scary, as Shane goes probably 30-35 feet up (of course called 50-75 by JR, since 25 feed is such an easy mistake to make in a place that small).

Blackman follows and slams him in the back with a kendo stick until Shane falls the whole way in a shot that looks awesome. Blackman climbs down about 10 feet before dropping an elbow/leg onto Shane then covering him for the title. Ross tries to compare it to Foley’s Cell dive, and I just shake my head. BIG difference between landing on a table and then concrete and falling backwards onto a crash pad there fat boy.

Rating: B. Not even factoring in the huge spot at the end, this was a standard enjoyable hardcore match, with all kinds of weapons and Shane getting beaten up. They tried so hard to make Blackman a big deal here, but the problem was the division was just a novelty, and Blackman was gone soon after this if I remember correctly. I know he was gone by the Invasion which was less than a year away.

In a scene that cracks me up, Stephanie is freaking over Shane, but isn’t near him, despite him being in the same building. Her not even leaving her room just makes me laugh. Kurt comes in to hug her and Foley, who for no reason at all is wearing a Minnesota Twins jersey, comes in and says that Stephanie should go check on Shane, which apparently she couldn’t figure out on her own?

We get a recap of Benoit vs. Jericho. Good grief this was intense. The video package is really well done as you can see that these two just want to go at it. It’s clear they’re the future along with Angle and the company knew it, which is always a good thing. The match is 2/3 falls by the way.

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

You really don’t even need a story here with guys of this level, but the basic story is they don’t like each other. There it is, and I like it better that way. Who needs a big elaborate story? They knew that these two would put on a clinic so why over complicate things? They of course start hot with them both going to the corner and in a spot that you don’t often see, all three including the referee go through the ropes and crash on the floor.

That’s not something you see often but I like it. The WOO on the chops is always fun to hear. Now we get to something that I just don’t like. Benoit gets the crossface and Jericho taps in something like four minutes. Ok, now I get that it’s 2/3 falls and Jericho should want to keep the amount of damage he takes to a minimum. Heck, Lawler flat out says that it would be smart to tap here. I get that.

However, no matter how you want to say it, Benoit beat Jericho in like 4 minutes. Isn’t there some better way to do this? Couldn’t you do the first fall at like 9 minutes into the match? It’s not like this is going to be a five minute match or anything, so what’s the rush? I really don’t get that as it makes Benoit look capable of making Jericho tap with no difficulty and it makes Jericho look kind of weak.

I get the giving up quickly, but don’t make Jericho look like he has no defense at all for the hold. Rant over. Second fall starts immediately which is good as I’ve always hated the whole rest thing. This isn’t boxing. The stupidity of the end of the first fall is compounded here as Benoit immediately puts the hold back on and Jericho gets to the ropes. See what I mean? Why wouldn’t you just reverse that sequence?

He gets out the first time and then later on he can’t because his shoulder is hurting from the first time in the hold. Doesn’t that make a bit more sense? In something quite surprising, Benoit somewhat abandons psychology. They make it clear that the seconds crossface is focused more on the back, but after having that one on much longer, Benoit works on the neck and shoulder. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go after what was more injured?

I guess since he got the tap on the neck/shoulder he should go to it again, but then why would he change what got a tap in the first place? Wouldn’t it make sense that if a little pain made him tap more pain would make him tap again? Dang when did I start thinking like this? Anyway, the holds that Benoit is using here are freaking sick looking.

We get the comeback from Jericho though as he just starts throwing these big haymaker right hands. I’ve never seen him throw punches like this but they’re working for him. We get a nice wrestling sequence that ends up with Jericho getting the Liontamer, not the Walls but the Liontamer on Benoit for the tap out. These two have perhaps the most lethal looking submissions ever. Might have to have a thread about that in the near future.

This is why I like doing these threads. I get good ideas from them. They go into a fast sequence of counters and big moves, with the big one being Jericho hitting a hurricanrana from the top and after a two a lionsault but due to the shoulder he can’t cover.

They do several rollups but Benoit gets a small package near the corner and grabs the bottom rope to get the win. Apparently this was enough to get Benoit in the main event of Unforgiven, as he had just lost in the main event at Fully Loaded to Rock a month prior to this.

Rating: A. This was great stuff. The first two falls were both good enough, but they tore it up in the third one. It was exactly what you would expect from these two and it absolutely delivered on all levels. Somehow, this might not be the best that these two have had so good grief. How insane were these two, especially when you add in Kurt? Thank goodness the company got these three right.

HHH is just now arriving, so we hit the recap button on the Stephanie/Kurt interaction from earlier tonight, as well as the Smackdown kiss. This really has no bearing on anything, as we’re off to our next match.

We get the story of the three teams, which more or less is this: Edge and Christian hit the other four guys with chairs, they beat up Edge and Christian with ladders and tables, so let’s put all 6 guys and three weapons in one match and make it for the tag titles. Now you 6, go tear the freaking house down.

Tag Titles: Dudleyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

In case you didn’t get it, this is the first TLC match. Tables and ladders and chairs, oh my, for all you Wizard of Oz aficionados out there. I’ve always liked the incoming missile thing that they did for the Dudleys entrance. The glasses need to come back for Bubba too. Oh yeah this is in North Carolina, so the Hardys get a small explosion. Chairs are in play quickly. Bear with me here as I’ve never tried to do one of these, so this could be a bit tricky.

Matt just pelts the thing at Bubba which sounds sick. The opening here is just a wild brawl all around, and what else were you expecting? However, you can tell they have a lot of this planned out, and there’s not a thing wrong with that. The big spots at least make sense here, unlike some matches with gimmicks where it’s just big spot after big spot and it rarely works out that well.

In another, say it with me, SICK spot, Jeff is climbing the ladder but Edge knocks him off. Now that doesn’t sound like much, but he lands on a ladder that’s on its side, so his ribs slam into the leg of it. This sea saws the other end up which slams Matt in the face. What’s Up leads to D-Von being given a fairly famous command.

You know I’ve always wondered what would happen if D-Von pulled a Punk and just said no. “D-Von, GET THE TABLES!” No jerk. You ran out when we were at IHOP last night and I had to pay for your 14 pancakes. Get your own tables you big fat butter ball! To make room, someone picks up a ladder and just throws it at Jeff, covering him up with ladders and chairs. We get a new shout from Bubba: D-Von! We’re gonna kill them! Yeah, that’s not over the top at all.

Edge lands three of the loudest and most painful looking chair shots in a row. Those things were just freaking intense. In another huge spot, Jeff does the twenty foot swanton and of course, misses. Edge is a freaking master with those chairs. Bubba is sent through four tables, leaving E/C alone to get the belts. However, Lita sprints to ringside and shoves them both off.

After various other amounts of destruction, including Edge just laying Lita out with a freaking great spear, Jeff and D-Von go up, but the ladder goes out and they’re stuck hanging there. D-Von goes down, so Edge and Christian more or less harpoon him with a ladder, then climb up and get the belts to retain. Kind of a not great ending, but DANG. Bubba is screwed up bad.

Rating: A-. This was a wild mess of a match, but dang. These six knew what they had to do and they nailed it. It was a wild match with all kinds of crazy bumps and wild spots. The scariest thing of all: this will be blown away in April by TLC 2. If you don’t get excited watching this, I feel you’re no longer alive.

Since we haven’t seen enough of this one story tonight, HHH is yelling at Stephanie about the kiss. You know, Rock hasn’t even been mentioned tonight. This is why the one on one would have been better and then find someone else to plug into the main event. Maybe do the fatal fourway that they did next month here. Oh yeah Steph says the kiss meant nothing.

Oh and since we just had an amazing match, let’s completely kill the momentum.

Stinkface Match: Kat vs. Terr

I think you get the idea by the name alone, and yes, it’s as bad as it sounds. Kat, who was married to Lawler in real life but was released soon thereafter, comes out with Al Snow for no apparent reason to a weak version of Sable’s music. Terri comes out with Saturn and just strips on the way in.

That’s just the best way to be: just accept your sluttiness. You know, I hate these things. There’s no point, there’s no skill, and it’s just flat out stupid. You know what? Screw this. This is stupid and it’s not worth my time. Kat wins.

Rating: F-. I’m not 12 years old. This means nothing to me, and it was a complete waste of time. They couldn’t give the tag titles an extra five minutes, but they can do this. Unbelievable.

APA is in WWF New York as bartenders. That would just be cool to do.

Recap of Taker and Kane. This just amuses me. It started with Kane saving Taker from Benoit, which good night I would have loved to see a real feud between those two. Anyway, within seconds of Kane saving him, he turns heel and beats up Taker. For some reason, this amazes JR and Cole. Why? Why does that amaze you?

It’s not like HE DOES THAT EVERY FREAKING TIME HE UNITES WITH TAKER or anything like that. These two fight more often than Sly and I do, and nothing is ever resolved. Anyway, of course we have this match here tonight. Oh and Kane beat up Taker with a chair a few days ago or something.

Undertaker vs. Kane

Taker is the American here and comes out first which is a little weird. His pop is insane to put it mildly. Taker just goes down the aisle and fights him early. Based on the commentary, you know this is going to be short. I wonder if one of them was hurt. In something almost weird for some reason, Taker is going for the mask. As JR says, has anyone ever done that? Not that I remember at least.

I guess it’s no holds barred as Kane brings in a chair and nothing happens. The announcers touch on this as they say the referee has said he’s just going to let them go, That kind of makes sense, as it’s not like he can do anything to either guy to stop them. Taker actually gets about half of Kane’s mask off. Kane messes up and slams the stairs into his own face, followed by Taker just picking them up and throwing the stairs at Kane, which is more or less impossible to fake.

Kane is bleeding bad after the stairs. By bad I mean terribly fake looking as the blood is closer to pink than red. Taker with a freaking spear, and actually a pretty good one. They both set for a chokeslam but Taker just kicks him in the balls. He rips the mask off and Kane runs, ending this…match? His long hair and hand covers it up. Taker’s music plays as JR asks if the bell ever rang.

Rating: B. I LOVED this. It was more or less a long segment, but who cares? This was just Taker being pissed off, and when that happens, it works very well. At the end of it Kane was just getting beaten up and Taker looked awesome. This is what it should have been and it went off well. It’s not like they were trying to top Mania 14, and they shouldn’t have.

Kurt is in the back, not in wrestling gear which is bad because his match is next. He calls someone, and we cut to HHH and Stephanie. Of course the phone rings and Stephanie pretends it’s Linda. HHH asks to talk to her, but “Linda” hangs up. Stephanie looks like a goddess in the graphic to put it mildly.

We get the same recap that we’ve seen five times tonight, so I won’t bother with the story all over again.

WWF Title: Rock vs. HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is dressed in record time and weighs in at 229lbs. That’s light even for him. He says that he’s sorry he didn’t kiss her earlier. As he’s known for doing, he puts his foot in his mouth and says that he gave Stephanie more passion that HHH ever could. HHH comes out and to say he’s pissed is the understatement of the millennium. They start without Rock, or I should say HHH starts without him.

Rock is smart and doesn’t come out for a few minutes. They hit the announce table and HHH sets for a Pedigree, but the table breaks early and Angle is legit hurt. It’s worse than Lesnar’s face was after the shooting star. I mean he is gone. HHH pulls the hammer but he can’t hit him, IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLll What the Rock is cooking! That music is just freaking awesome.

Since Kurt is injured, we pretty much have Rock vs. HHH, which has been the main event all summer, so it’s not like this is a bad thing. HHH beats Rock down just a bit and runs after the EMTs who are taking Angle out on a stretcher to beat on him a bit more. Rock sprints down the aisle and perhaps literally saves Kurt. They brawl back to the ring and Stephanie comes out to check on Kurt.

Stephanie, clad in ridiculously tight leather pants, comes down and gets yelled at by HHH. She runs over to grab the belt and lands a running slap to the timekeeper that is just hilarious to say the least. She misses and hits HHH though. Seriously, that running slap was GREAT. It just came off as hilarious on about 1000 levels. Game comes back with a low blow though, and that’s the end of my rhyming.

Lawler makes a nose joke about HHH which just seems out of place here. Sister Sledge comes back into play here, as HHH nails Rock with it in the ribs. JR has a small seizure about the hammer as he just shouts and shouts some more. After about eight minutes of these two nearly killing each other, we cut to Stephanie and Kurt in the back with her begging him to come save HHH. If they somehow faked that, I’d be amazed to say the least.

Although, Rock coming out at that exact second is a bit fishy. I’d think he’s legit hurt, but I guess there’s a slight chance that it was fake. They come back out again, with a great shot of Stephanie’s back. For about the 5th time in this match, HHH looks backwards to see if Kurt is there for his spot and it’s really getting bad. It’s so painfully obvious that it’s sad. Angle either wasn’t hurt or it wasn’t nearly as bad as they thought, or he’s completely nuts. He’s staggering all over the place.

The more I look at Kurt the more I think he was just shaken up. He’s moving around better every second and is doing moves that you’d need a lot of mental capacity to do. It’s him and Rock at the moment until HHH saves Angle from being pinned from a Rock Bottom. Stephanie gets back in again after Kurt brings a hammer back in to cause JR to need his medicine. HHH misses a punch and nails Steph, so Kurt nails him with the hammer.

Rock knocks Angle outside and lands the Elbow to retain. He grabs the belt and leaves, posing on the Summerslam set as Angle carries Stephanie out to end the show. Angle would take the title from Rock two months later and hold it until No Way Out.

Rating: B. This was a fine match, as it was mainly HHH vs. Rock, which is always solid. I’m still not sure if Angle was hurt or not, but if he wasn’t then he deserves a raise. This was good enough, but I’m not sure if it’s good enough to be a main event of a major show. I stand by what I said about how it should have been Angle vs. HHH and maybe Rock vs. Taker or Kane as that angle was thrown together in about 10 days. Either way, this was fine.

BUT WAIT!

My version has a post show segment in studio with Coach, so I’ll throw this in as a bonus. Coach, with more hair on his head and less on his face, is going through all of the matches in a highlight package and introducing some of the wrestlers for interviews. Cool.

RTC says they had fun censoring Too Cool, including a Bull Buchanan speech, which is interesting, as he has a thick southern accent. Richards clearly should have been the only one to talk.

Coach doesn’t like RTC. He skips X-Pac and Road Dogg for no apparent reason and jumps to the IC match.

Chyna and Eddie are both happy that she’s the champion and she couldn’t do it without Eddie. This would lead to a pretty simple yet decent angle with them semi feuding over th belt.

Tazz says that the path of rage is coming back. Actually that’s not true as he was turned face very soon.

Coach doesn’t like Tazz.

Blackman actually cuts a promo, saying that the belt is back around his waist when it’s on his shoulder, and that Shane walked away, when he was actually stretchered out. And we wonder why he wasn’t allowed to talk.

Benoit says that he has made his point.

Coach doesn’t like Benoit but he respects him.

Recap of TLC, which is just sweet all over.

Edge and Christian say they’ll be ok. They actually sound like they lost.

Women’s match. Moving on.

Taker says he’s the big dog in the yard, which became a semi catchphrase for him. He tells Kane to never cross him again, leaves, and then comes back to swear. That’s just comical.

Finally, we recap the main event. No interviews here.

I liked this actually. It’s perfect for a home video as it offers a little bonus reason to buy the tape with the exclusive interviews. It’s a nice little addition and it’s only about 10 minutes long, so it’s not bogged down. I like it.

Overall Rating: A. This is a VERY good show, and bordering on classic. The only thing possibly is the main event, which likely should have been Rock vs. HHH or HHH vs. Angle for the title with Rock doing something else. Either way, the show is just great all around with only the women’s match being terrible.

Other than that, everything is good to great. Definitely a big time recommendation here as it was just flat out awesome. Find a copy of this and watch it all, as only about 5 minutes is bad. GREAT show.

 

 

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Hog Wild
Date: August 10, 1996
Location: Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Sturgis, South Dakota
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Dusty Rhodes, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is one of the more unique shows that you’ll see as we are outside in front of a bunch of bikers. I’m sure they will be a completely acceptable crowd with no problems or distractions whatsoever. We’re also just into the NWO era and Hollywood Hogan is getting the World Title shot against the Giant. Let’s get to it.

Of note: there were EIGHT Saturday Night matches before the pay per view went on the air, so the bikers might be a little bit sick of wrestling already.

We open with a look at the Sturgis Rally, with no matches mentioned whatsoever.

Tony, Dusty and Bobby…..are dressed in biker gear with more jokes available than I can possibly fathom.

Cruiserweight Title: Ultimate Dragon vs. Rey Mysterio

Dragon (it says Ultimate everywhere else so that’s what we’ll go with) is challenging and has Sonny Onoo with him. Tony asks Bobby where his tattoo and dew rag are and I begin to have nightmares. Thankfully Mike Tenay joins commentary to tell us that this is the first ever meeting. Dragon takes him down by the arm to start but gets pulled into a leglock. Back up and Dragon gets in a shot of his own for a breather into a standoff.

A spinwheel kick drops Rey, sending Dusty into one of his funny rants about move names. Neither can hit a headscissors and we have another standoff. A spinning kick to the chest drops Rey again and there’s the handspring elbow in the corner. The running Liger Bomb doesn’t even get a cover as Dragon grabs a Figure Four of all things instead. With that broken up, Dragon hits his spinning torture rack dropped down into a backbreaker, followed by the surfboard.

Heenan makes jokes about Cesar Romero and Desi Arnaz as Rey gets out and hits a springboard dropkick out to the floor. There’s a baseball slide to knock Dragon off the platform into the dirt, with Rey hitting a HUGE springboard dive (with the camera mostly missing it) to take him down again.

Back in and a springboard hurricanrana keeps the crowd popped but another springboard is dropkicked out of the air. Rey is knocked outside so Dragon hits a slingshot dive to take him down again. They head back inside with Dragon hitting a moonsault for two but Rey catches him on top with a super hurricanrana to retain at 11:36.

Rating: B-. It’s a good opener and both of them would go on to be able to do some far better stuff, but this wasn’t exactly the blowaway match I was expecting. They did their high flying stuff but Rey didn’t really go nuts and Dragon was more about striking and grappling than high flying. What they did worked well enough though, including managing to impress a non-wrestling crowd.

Gene Okerlund, also looking like a….well what WCW thinks a biker looks like, shills the Hotline.

We talk about the rally some more.

Ice Train vs. Scott Norton

They used to be partners as Fire & Ice but then split up. I like Ice Train but is there a reason his name sounds like a Mad Lib? Train also has a bad shoulder coming in to give Norton a target. Norton powers him into the corner to start and chops at the bandaged shoulder, showing that he is at least moderately intelligent. The slugout goes to Norton, who cuts him down with another shot to the shoulder. A rake to the eyes and some more shots to the face send Train outside, where the shoulder is sent into the post.

Back in and Train manages a slam with the good arm. Since it’s just a slam though, Norton chops him down again and cranks on the arm. Train gets up and actually drops Norton with some chops but Norton does it a good bit better. The armbar goes on and Norton drops a leg on the arm to make it even worse. Back up and Norton charges into a powerslam for two but he’s fine enough to hit a clothesline. A Fujiwara armbar makes Train give it up at 5:07.

Rating: D. The match made sense but it wasn’t quite the most thrilling thing in the world. Train had a bad shoulder so Norton went after it over and over. That should be an easy way to go, but you can only get so far with a bunch of chops. Not a very good match, though who was expecting much out of the battle of Fire and Ice?

We get a video from Ric Flair, talking about how serious the NWO is now that they took out Arn Anderson. That is Flair’s best friend, and WCW is his other best friend. The NWO is in trouble now because the Horsemen are involved. That should have been the easiest idea in all of WCW and they managed to screw it up.

Hey look: bikers!

You can get Hog Wild merch!

Madusa vs. Bull Nakano

This is Bike vs. Bike, with the winner getting to destroy the loser’s motorcycle. Wouldn’t that make either winner a heel for this crowd? Nakano’s manager Sonny Onoo and Madusa ride in on the motorcycles, leaving Nakano to just look scary. Nakano jumps her fast with a nunchuck and Dusty LOSES IT over the attack.

Madusa gets bent around the middle rope and a double ax handle to the back puts her down. The USA chants start up and Madusa grabs a chair takedown. Nakano is right back with what would become Paige’s Scorpion Crosslock, followed by a hard slam. We hit the chinlock as commentary talks about how strong Nakano is.

Back up and Madusa snaps off a hurricanrana for two and a spinwheel kick to the face gets the same. Another kick misses and Nakano blasts her with a clothesline for two of her own. Madusa’s bridging German suplex gets two more and Nakano hits something similar for the same. A not great looking sunset flip gives Madusa the next near(ish) fall but Nakano grabs the belly to back suplex, with only Madusa getting her shoulder up for the pin at 4:57.

Rating: C. They were bringing the power game here and it was miles ahead of anything else women were doing in America at this point. The problem was the sloppiness in some points (including the ending), but given the atmosphere they were working in, there was only so much you could expect. Still though, rather hard hitting match as you would have expected.

Post match Sonny Onoo grabs the sledgehammer to go after Madusa’s bike. This goes as well as you would expect it to, as Madusa takes it away and destroys Nakano’s bike instead.

The Steiners are chatting on CompuServe. I don’t think Rick Steiner knows what he is doing.

Commentary thinks we’re going to Gene Okerlund. We’re not going to Gene Okerlund.

Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Jimmy Hart tries to come out with Dean Malenko, who isn’t interested. Benoit on the other hand has Woman and Elizabeth with him. They jaw with each other a bit to start until Malenko takes him down and hammers away. Benoit kicks him in the ribs to take over but Malenko gets in some boots of his own. A suplex gets two and we hit an early chinlock as Heenan goes into some weird analogy about birds. Benoit fights up and chokes on the rope as Tony has to bring commentary back to the match from their NWO discussion.

A back elbow gives Benoit a few near falls and they go to the pinfall reversal sequence. Malenko wins the battle over a backslide for two as Woman screams a lot. The short armscissors has Benoit down but he muscles Malenko up and drops him down for the break. There’s the snap suplex for two as the fans do not exactly seem thrilled. An abdominal stretch goes on but Malenko grabs the foot to escapes and flips him over.

Commentary talks about how we are coming up on a new millennium and these two could be the future. Eh kind of with one of them. Back up and they hit stereo crossbodies for a double knockdown to get a breather. Malenko goes up but gets knocked out of the air, setting up another snap suplex. The Swan Dive gives Benoit a delayed two and it’s time to fight over a Tombstone until Malenko plants him for a few near falls.

Benoit charges into a boot in the corner but is fine enough to counter a Texas Cloverleaf attempt into a small package for two. They fall out to the floor in a double heap with Malenko blocking a posting by hitting one of his own and it’s time to go back inside. Benoit catches him on top with a heck of a superplex and they’re both down again. Malenko hits a release German suplex for two more as the fans (or more like people who happen to be here) just do not care.

A hard clothesline gives Malenko two as Heenan tries to figure out how many holds Malenko knows (Chris Jericho can be seen in the background taking notes). Benoit slams him down and grabs the Liontamer (Chris Jericho can be seen in the background furiously taking notes) but Malenko makes the rope. A victory roll gives Malenko two and another backslide gets another two. Benoit runs him over for two more but Malenko catches him on top for a superplex. There’s a powerbomb to Benoit but time expires at 20:00.

Actually hang on as we’re going to get a five minute overtime, which the bikers DO NOT like. Benoit jumps Malenko at the start of overtime and grabs the Cloverleaf in the middle of the ring. After over a minute, Benoit lets it go, which seems rather unlike him. Malenko’s leg is done so Benoit kicks away and cranks on said leg on the mat. Some Ric Flair Cannonballs onto the leg set up another hold but Malenko reverses into a cradle as overtime expires.

We get ANOTHER five minute overtime and the bikers boo this out the non-existent building. Malenko snaps off a dragon screw legwhip but Benoit is back up with the dragon suplex for two. Benoit misses a dropkick and gets Cloverleafed, with Malenko switching it into an STF. Woman tries to help Benoit make the rope so Malenko goes after her, allowing Benoit to grab a rollup for the pin at 28:13. The replay shows him grabbing the rope for a bonus, because he is in fact a Horseman.

Rating: B+. You can go a few different ways with the thinking here. On the one hand, it’s a great match with two guys going at it for the better part of half an hour in a pretty bad spot. On the other hands, the fans didn’t care and the wrestlers failed to get over. There might be something to the latter, but consider the situation these guys were in.

These bikers didn’t pay to see a wrestling show. They’re here to see Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage and people from the WWF ten years ago. Benoit and Malenko are small guys they’ve never seen before and don’t care about having a pretty long match. You’re supposed to make the fans happy, but I’m not sure if these people qualify as fans as much as they are just people watching the matches because they’re there. This match was great though so I’ll go with the “these bikers are pinheads” and move on.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Harlem Heat

Harlem Heat, with Sheri and Colonel Parker, is defending and the fans do not seem thrilled with them. Everyone stalls for a good bit to start as commentary talks about the NWO. Scott and Booker officially start, with the latter being honked at a lot. The bikers go so nuts that Booker bails to the floor before coming back in to shove Scott for the first contact nearly two and a half minutes in.

Scott isn’t having that and hits a butterfly powerbomb, followed by a quick suplex so the Steiners can clear the ring in a hurry. Back in and Scott shoulders Booker down and a gorilla press makes it worse. The ten right hands in the corner rock Booker and he bails to the floor for another breather. This time it’s Stevie coming in to hammer on Scott, which actually works this time.

Scott runs Stevie over with ease, allowing the tag to Rick for a chinlock. Stevie gets up so Rick Steiner Lines him back down as this is totally one sided so far. A rake to the eyes into a side slam drops Scott as Sherri is shouting about having a nervous breakdown. That is only going to get worse as Scott hits a spinning belly to belly for two more. Rick comes back in for a suplex of his own and a “SHUT UP B****” to Sherri. Stevie gets in a cheap shot from the apron to finally slow the Steiners down for a bit.

A clothesline sets up a chinlock but Rick pops up for his weird powerslam. That’s enough to bring Scott back in for an STF of all things before Rick comes back in for his own chinlock. Stevie fights up though and Booker low bridges him down to the floor to really put Rick in trouble for a change. Back in and Booker’s side kick only crotches him on top but Stevie makes the fast save. Stevie comes in to strike and choke away, followed by a big boot to put Rick down again.

It starts getting dark so the lights come on, meaning more engine revving as Booker grabs a chinlock. Rick fights up so it’s a Spinarooni into a side kick for no cover, with Dusty kind of complaining without actually saying anything negative (as Dusty tended to do). Booker misses a middle rope knee though and Rick makes the easy tag to Scott. Everything breaks down and Parker throws powder in Booker’s face by mistake. Since she seems to know Parker is a moron, Sherri is right there to throw it in Scott’s eyes as well. A cane shot to the head is enough to finish Scott at 17:53.

Rating: C. This was a longer match and that was both a good and a bad thing. The Steiners were both getting a bit slower at this point, with Scott being so muscular he looked like a cartoon. That does not make for better long form matches, though a major title match should get the extra time. It also didn’t help that the Steiners dominated for so long, but I could watch the Steiners throw people around for hours at a time, making it a rather enjoyable domination. In other words, I’m all over the place on this one and we’ll go with right in the middle.

Heenan sounds a bit, ahem, out of it on the replays. Wouldn’t surprise me actually.

Here’s a look at wrestlers on motorcycles.

Here’s a look at the rally.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ric Flair

Flair, with Woman and Elizabeth, is defending. They fight over a lockup into the corner until Eddie knocks him outside in a hurry. Back in and Eddie grabs a headlock but Flair belly to back suplexes him down with a weird landing, possibly hanging up Eddie’s arm. Eddie comes back in and gets dropped again, only to nip right back up. Flair’s poke to the eye and chop put Eddie down again as the sun is starting to set.

Back up and some rapid fire shots rock Flair in the corner and Eddie rains down some right hands. Flair gets tossed outside and a running clothesline puts him on the floor again. Back in and Woman offers a distraction so Flair can get in a low blow, allowing Heenan to make a chili joke. Eddie’s sunset flip doesn’t work so he grabs a Figure Four to put Flair in some trouble. That’s broken up so Eddie runs up the ropes into a hurricanrana for two more.

Flair goes up and comes crashing back down to give Eddie another near fall. The second sunset flip attempt (thanks to Flair’s trunks coming down and a kick from the referee) is good for two so Eddie goes up top. The frog splash connects but Eddie bangs up his knee, meaning it’s time for the regular Flair selection. Flair grabs the Figure Four and, thanks to Woman grabbing Flair’s hands, Eddie is pinned at 14:29.

Rating: B. Like this wasn’t going to be good. Eddie was nowhere near the star he would become but you could see the abilities in the ring. You could see that Flair was giving him a lot here too in an effort to get over though, which was always one of Flair’s greatest strengths. This was one of the best things on the show so far, and it was nice to see both of them doing their thing so well.

Jimmy Hart (looking weird without glasses) and Giant are ready for Hollywood Hogan tonight. Hogan told the fans to stick it, but Giant is going to stick his hand around Hogan’s neck for a chokeslam. Giant has gotten miles better at promos in the last year.

Outsiders vs. Sting/Lex Luger

For reasons I still don’t quite get, Sting and Luger were champs until June but lost them to Harlem Heat, who traded the titles with the Steiners and Public Enemy (winning the titles three times in just over three months) instead of just having the Outsiders take the titles from Sting and Luger here. If nothing else, it would have given them a heck of a visual to end the show and the Outsiders winning the titles was inevitable anyway.

Anyway Hall (thanks to a game of Rock Paper Scissors) and Luger start things off with Hall working on a top wristlock. That’s broken up with straight power so Hall mocks Luger a bit, as only he can. Nash comes in and, after a bit of a tease, Luger brings Sting in as well. An exchange of shots to the face has Nash rocked a bit but Sting can’t slam him. More rights and lefts stagger Nash though and a poke to the eyes allows the slam.

Since it’s just a slam, Nash is right back up with Snake Eyes to take over and Hall comes back in for the corner clothesline. Heenan continues to sound bombed as he says he doesn’t care who wins here. Hall and Nash start taking turns beating on Sting, with Hall getting in the quality taunting that he does so well. A heck of a clothesline in the corner drops Sting and Nash comes in for the boot choke. Sting starts fighting back with that unique style of striking of his but it isn’t enough to get over for the tag. Instead it’s a collision to put Nash down, allowing Sting to fall down for the low blow.

Hall cuts off the tag, earning a COME ON HALL from Heenan. Tony: “WHAT???” Even Heenan doesn’t seem to get that one, which shouldn’t be that surprising. Sting backdrops his way out of the Outsider’s Edge attempt and the hot tag brings in Luger. Everything breaks down and Sting gets the Scorpion on Nash on the floor. The torture rack attempt knocks down referee Nick Patrick, who staggers right into Luger’s knee. A fast count gives Hall the pin at 14:34.

Rating: C-. The match was a bit dull but what hurts it more than anything else is the lack of stakes. I know it’s a big match for the Outsiders to get the pin over two of the biggest names in WCW, but how much better would this have been if the Outsiders had won the Tag Team Titles here? The match wasn’t exactly bad, though it could have been a lot more all things considered.

Heenan didn’t think the count was fast, as he still isn’t all there (throw in the slurred speech and I don’t think there is much doubt about what is going on).

WCW World Title: The Giant vs. Hollywood Hogan

Giant, with Jimmy Hart is defending, but first we need a long introduction about how amazing the bikers are, because motorcycles are cool or something. Hogan, the biggest heel in the world at the moment, gets the biggest face pop of the night. And they actually came here THREE MORE TIMES because Bischoff really, really loves motorcycles. It’s also fun to see Hogan still doing a lot of his face stuff as he doesn’t have the heel version entirely figured out yet.

Hogan hits the stall button to start and Heenan is loving the fact that he gets to rip on Hogan and have everyone admit that he’s right after all these years. Back in and Hogan hammers away in the corner to no effect so it’s time for more stalling on the floor. Hogan gets inside again and this time gets tossed right back to the floor as they’re firmly in first gear. A headlock is countered into a belly to back suplex to put Hogan on the floor again as it feels like we’ve been here before.

Giant wins a test of strength until Hogan fires off some kicks to the ribs, again earning a huge cheer from the bikers. The comeback is on and Giant gets him down to his knees as we are seven minutes into this thing. A top wristlock drives Hogan down but he grabs the hair to set up an armbar. The double arm crank goes on as it’s bizarre to see Hogan using all of these holds. Giant fights up so Hogan pulls him down by the hair. Back up again and three headbutts put Hogan on the floor.

That’s fine with Hogan, who pulls Giant outside and hammers away but Giant kicks him down back inside. A backbreaker gives Giant two but the big elbow misses. Hogan gets in some right hands…..and Giant Hulks Up, complete with shaking and the finger point. Giant hits a big boot and loads up the chokeslam but has to deal with the invading Outsiders. That’s enough for Hogan to get in a belt shot for the pin and the title at 14:53 in one of the most obvious results you’ll ever see (and that is not a bad thing).

Rating: D. Not only was the crowd all over the place (but the WCW guys got to ride motorcycles so it’s cool) but the match was a lot of Hogan stalling and very slow motion moves. Giant Hulking Up was a nice touch but that was about the only positive here. There was zero doubt about who was winning here and you absolutely had to put the title on Hogan, but it wasn’t an easy path to get there.

Post match the celebration is on, with Booty Man coming out in an NWO shirt with a birthday cake for Hogan (whose birthday was the next day but close enough). We hear about their 22 year friendship and Hogan says they have been like blood. Hogan talks about how he is going to beat Ric Flair at Clash of the Champions, mainly because Flair keeps mixing business with personal.

The NWO doesn’t do that though…..so “get him boys”. The beatdown is on and Hogan asks what he’ll do to Flair if he’ll do that to his brother. With that out of the way, we get the NWO spray painted on the title, which wound up being a pretty big deal. Of note: Giant laid there for about seven plus minutes while the NWO did their thing. Screw the legdrop, as that’s the most amazing belt shot ever.

Commentary is upset and scared of what is coming.

Roll credits, over a shot of a motorcycle of course.

Overall Rating: C+. The atmosphere was certainly unique, even if you discount the annoyance that was the bikers doing their own thing all night. The wrestling itself was pretty good for the most part and the two main event matches did enough of what they were supposed to. It’s not a great show but the post match event deal with the spray paint was certainly a big deal. Thrown in Heenan being bombed live on pay per view and there are worse options out there for a nearly three hour show. Oh and bikers, because motorcycles are the coolest things EVER. Eh Bischoff can explain it better than I can.

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For a pretty cool fight.Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker
Date: October 9, 2003
Location: Turkuhalli Elysee Arena, Turku, Finland

From a Smackdown house show in a country WWE doesn’t visit that long. This is very Biker Taker but his real feud is with Vince McMahon at the moment, with Lesnar as the big enforcer. The arena looks fairly cool with a wide aisle. The fans let Lesnar know that he tapped out (to Kurt Angle I believe) so the stalling is on before the bell. Or maybe it did ring in there somewhere as the referee is telling them to get to this already.

Lesnar finally gets in and drives Undertaker into the corner for a clean break. Some lockups don’t go anywhere so Undertaker powers him out to the floor for a bit of a surprise. Back in and Undertaker knocks him outside again as they’re firmly in first gear. Lesnar comes in again and stomps away in the corner but Undertaker cranks on the arm to take care of that. Old School is broken up though and Lesnar kicks away in the corner. Undertaker isn’t having that though and knocks him away, setting up a connecting Old School.

La Majistral of all things gets two on Lesnar and we’re clipped to Undertaker being knocked outside. Lesnar whips him hard into the steps for two back inside and it’s time to go after the leg. After some cranking on the mat, the leg is wrapped around the middle rope until Undertaker strikes his way to freedom. Brock grabs a spinebuster for two and it’s back to the leglock.

That’s broken up and the F5 connects for two, with Brock getting annoyed at the kickout. Lesnar grabs the chair but gets kicked in the face twice in a row. The Last Ride is broken up and the referee is bumped, meaning the chokeslam gets a delayed two. Brock clotheslines the referee by mistake so there’s no count off the Last Ride. Well Undertaker does one but it doesn’t count. Lesnar gets in a pair of chair shots to retain at 14:45 shown.

Rating: C-. Not one of their better efforts here but it could have been worse. There is a good chance that exhaustion was setting in and it’s not like a house show main event is supposed to be some grand spectacle. These two have not had the best chemistry in regular matches so the wild brawl would have been better. Still though, not awful and for a house show main event, it was acceptable enough.

Post match Undertaker chairs him down but Rhyno runs in to beat on Undertaker. Eddie Guerrero runs in for the save. Not show here: a big post match birthday celebration for Guerrero.

Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the big one as things have to change at some point in WWE. I’m curious to see how this show goes as I haven’t seen the television leading up to it since the show aired so maybe the show will feel a little bit different. The theme is Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood, which has included some outstanding movie parody trailers. Oh and Batista and John Cena look more than ready to become the top stars in the company. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Tajiri, William Regal, Rhino, Hurricane, Rosey, Maven, Simon Dean, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Tyson Tomko, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Mark Jindrak, Funaki, Akio, Orlando Jordan, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Booker T.. Paul London, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty

This is your “get them all on the show” match, which was likely just the DVD extra. They’re all in their show colored shirts with Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long at ringside. Before the bell, Hurricane gives Heidenreich his own mask so Heidenreich punches him in the face. Must be a villain. The fighting starts with Spike being sent to the steps as Hurricane makes the mistake of hammering away in the corner, making him the first elimination.

Reigns is out next as the ring is still very full. A bunch of the cruiserweights hold Viscera down so Scotty can hit the Worm. That high level of missing the point could explain why they don’t get on television very often. Masters doesn’t like that line of thinking and dumps Scotty, Funaki, Spike and Kidman in a hurry. Haas is tossed as well as the ring is clearing out a bit.

Masters dumps Nunzio, though it might not have been over the top. With nothing else to do, Heidenreich destroys a turnbuckle and tears off his mask before clotheslining the heck out of Venis for an elimination. Dean and Grenier are out as well, followed by Rosey, all at Heidenreich’s hands. Rhyno is out next and it’s Dupree following him in a hurry. Both Bashams go out as the fans are behind Regal.

With about twelve people left, we get the always natural looking Raw vs. Smackdown showdown with Akio and Holly being tossed, followed by Regal to even things up a bit. Tajiri mists Heidenreich so the blind monster gets rid of London. Heidenreich and Tajiri fight on the apron until Snitsky gets rid of them, leaving us with Jindrak, Booker, Masters, Snitsky and Viscera.

Jindrak gets rid of Snitsky and hits the big left on Viscera….which staggers Jindrak so much that Masters can get rid of him. Nunzio does the “I’M STILL IN” deal, only to be tossed seconds later. Viscera crushes Booker in the corner but he’s fine enough to low bridge the monster to the floor. The full nelson is broken up and a superkick gives Booker the win.

Rating: D+. It’s kind of hard to get too annoyed at a match like this as the whole point is getting people on the show and therefore onto the DVD, which is a nice bonus for the talent. I know this isn’t the most important match but it came and went fast enough and wasn’t terrible. Assuming you can ignore the RAH RAH RAH Raw vs. Smackdown aspect, it’s nothing too bad.

Lilian Garcia sings America the Beautiful. She’ll have a job in WWE as long as she wants one for how good she can make that sound.

The Titantron is revealed with the red curtain coming up. They’re nailing the theme this year.

We get a montage of the trailers, leading to the big reveal of the final trailer: Gladiator, featuring Steve Austin as Maximus. It’s a cool idea and suitable casting but there were better trailers.

It’s strange to see Wrestlemania in an arena. That’s one of those things you’ll probably never see again.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Not a bad way to start and the red carpet in the aisle makes it even better. They’re the Smackdown Tag Team Champions but Eddie isn’t sure if he can beat Rey. There’s no superhero outfit this year as Rey has Mexican/American flag inspired gear. Rey flips out of an armbar to start and hits a running knee but has to adjust the mask. A second armbar works a bit better for Eddie and but Rey pops up and climbs onto Eddie’s shoulders.

The sunset flip is countered into a catapult to the floor but Rey switches places and teases a dive to take us to an early standoff. Eddie takes him down into a keylock to stay on the arm before sending Rey outside. Since he’s a luchador as well, Eddie busts out his own dive to the floor, with the fans rather pleased with him. Rey adjust his mask again, as he isn’t wearing the regular kind and the clasp is different, causing a lot of issues.

Back in and Eddie stays on the arm (instead of the leg because Eddie is smart, since working on Mysterio’s leg hasn’t worked well for most people) before switching over to a surfboard. That’s broken up so Rey armdrags him to the floor, meaning the big corkscrew flip dive can take Eddie down. A backbreaker gives Eddie two though as Rey can’t keep the momentum going. Rey gets back up and tries the 619 but walks into another backbreaker for two, allowing Rey to fix the mask again.

Three Amigos connect, with Rey holding his mask the whole time. The extra vision lets Rey avoid the frog splash and now the 619 connects. The West Cost Pop is countered into a hard powerbomb for two as they go back to the back. Eddie tries another powerbomb but this time Rey reverses into a hurricanrana for the pin and one final mask adjustment.

Rating: B-. I don’t know how much the mask stuff messed with Rey but it seemed to be causing at least a bit of a problem. He had to mess with that thing probably a dozen times in a twelve minute match and it was becoming really noticeable. The idea here is to continue Eddie’s descent into jealousy over not being able to beat Mysterio and that could be a heck of a story.

JBL and the Cabinet meets Evolution. HHH says Ric Flair is the wrestling god and maybe one day someone will believe that JBL is that good. A staredown over belt importance and a WOO to Orlando Jordan ends a terrifying prospect. Somehow, JBL and HHH only had one singles match ever against each other and it was on a random Raw in 2008. You would think they would have met at least a handful of times.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Edge vs. Christian vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit

Money in the Bank with Tyson Tomko out with Kane. Kane gets a cool entrance where the ladders on the set are on fire. Almost everyone goes after Kane in the aisle and a variety of double teams take him down. Christian tries to use the melee to bring in a ladder but Jericho slams it into his face. A springboard dropkick sends Edge into Benoit to knock them both off the apron, followed by Jericho’s dive onto Edge.

Shelton hits the big running flip dive onto a bunch of people, with Kane adding the top rope clothesline to take down the same pile plus Benjamin for the wipe out. Back in and Jericho dropkicks a ladder into Kane but Benoit German suplexes Jericho, sending the ladder flying in a cool shot. Benoit’s climb is cut off so he Crossfaces Kane and then Edge, the latter of which allows Kane to hit Benoit with the ladder.

To make it worse, Kane crushes Benoit’s arm in the ladder over and over. Edge spears Kane down and it’s the big reunion with Christian, who grabs his own ladder to smash Kane at the same time. Now it’s Shelton coming in to send Christian outside and flapjack Edge into the ladder. Shelton and Jericho fight on top of the ladder until two more ladders are brought in (Lawler: “It’s like open house at Home Depot!”), meaning it’s everyone but Kane on top at the same time.

Benoit, Jericho and Christian are knocked down, leaving Shelton to hit the exploder on Edge off the ladder for the huge crash. Jericho is left to go up but Shelton runs up a second ladder to clothesline Jericho off because he can do something like that. Christian knocks Shelton off the ladder as Kane returns from the short term death that afflicts wrestlers in ladder matches. Tomko comes in and kicks Kane in the face before helping Christian to the top in a bit of a call back to TLC II.

Kane is back up though and shoves the ladder over, sending Christian down to the floor and onto Tomko. Jericho and Kane knock each other off the ladder and everyone is down as we need a breather. With Kane down, Benoit (bleeding from the head) hits the Swan Dive off the ladder. Benoit goes up but has to headbutt Kane off but the arm is too banged up to get the briefcase. Edge blasts Benoit in the arm with a chair though and that’s enough to pull down the briefcase for the win.

Rating: A-. Yeah this was great with more time for drama and fewer instances of having the people laying around forever because there are too many people in the match at the same time. Edge winning is the best call as no one has been chasing the title like him and now he can steal the title down the line. It’s a heck of a fight though with a bunch of awesome spots and stuff that kept the fans interested without many dead spots. Great stuff and an awesome way to debut the concept.

Here’s the still injured Eugene, whose music doesn’t start until halfway down the aisle. This is his second favorite Wrestlemania moment every, after the midget army getting together to fight off King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania III (Hillbilly Jim was included as well, and he spent a good hour talking about it during his Hall of Fame speech). Cue Daivari and Muhammad Hassan to complain about not being on the show (that they’re on) and rant about the prejudice in Los Angeles.

Hassan is ready to make his own Wrestlemania moment and jumps Eugene, setting up the camel clutch. Cue Hulk Hogan or the REAL AMERICAN save, including a double noggin knocker. Hassan gets sent outside so Daivari can hit Hogan with a chair. Since that doesn’t work, it’s a big boot and another toss to the floor so the posing can commence. Hogan even gets to do the big pose in front of the huge American flag on the stage. Yeah it’s old hat but I’ll always be a Hulkamaniac so this made me smile.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton won the World Title last fall but lost it in a hurry and has been on a slow downward spiral since. He needs to get back on track so he’s going after Undertaker and the Streak while turning heel in the process. Orton’s dad Bob is helping him a bit, because Orton has slid far enough that he needs that kind of help.

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

The druids with the torches are here so you know it’s serious. Undertaker glides to the ring for a pretty cool entrance, which goes much faster than usual for a bonus. Orton comes out second for some reason, albeit with his own cool entrance of pyro raining down behind him as he poses with the still awesome Burn In My Light playing. After some early dodging, the first right hand gets Orton launched into the corner.

The dropkick out of the corner gets two and Orton backdrops him for a bump you don’t see from Undertaker that often. The early RKO attempt is shoved over the top as Undertaker is starting a bit slowly here. Old School connects but Orton is back up with a dropkick to the floor to take over. Undertaker’s running DDT gets two and Snake Eyes connects. The ensuing big boot is cut off with a running elbow though, sending the fans straight into a LET’S GO UNDERTAKER/RANDY SUCKS chant.

The slugout goes to Undertaker and we hit the dragon sleeper as Undertaker busts out some different stuff for a change. Orton breaks out and grabs a sleeper, which doesn’t please the crowd. The counter before Orton can take him to the ground is more appealing but Orton is back with a powerslam.

For some reason, Orton hammers away in the corner, meaning he has to escape the Last Ride. The referee gets bumped though and here’s Bob with a cast shot to Undertaker’s head for the close two. Undertaker boots Bob off the apron and grabs the chokeslam, which is reversed into the RKO in midair (one of my favorite counters ever) for two and a big sigh of relief from the fans. For reasons of general cockiness, Orton tries his own Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to make Undertaker 13-0.

Rating: B-. It’s a good match but it never came close to that higher level. It would take a little longer for Undertaker to get that much better at Wrestlemania so for now it’s just a good one. Orton was trying here and looked better than he has in a long time, though aside from that one RKO, he never felt like a real threat here. Still though, one hot near fall is better than none and it wasn’t bad by any stretch.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme. It’s the annual Playboy match as we’re now supposed to believe that Christy can wrestle and isn’t just there because of her looks. Lita has been training Christy and is more interesting than anything Christy has been doing. Keep in mind that Christy isn’t at fault here. She isn’t a wrestler and is being thrown into a match because she won a modeling contest. That’s on WWE, not Christy.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Trish is defending and Christy has Lita with her. The bell rings and Trish drops to the mat but kicks Christy away in a rather heelish move. They head outside with Trish sending her into the steps, followed by some chops in the corner back inside. The Chick Kick misses and Christy hits one of her own as the fans are just gone for this.

Christy does the splits on top to set up a sunset flip for two, only to have Trish spear her down. We get the BORING chants as Trish stops to yell at Lita, allowing Christy to start in with the kicks. The reverse Twist of Fate and a rollup give Christy two each but Trish has had it. That means the Chick Kick to retain the title and end Christy’s wrestling run.

Rating: D-. Yeah what else were you expecting? Trish was wrestling herself here as Christy was only good for some tumbling and that Twist of Fate. The women’s division is all but dead at this point and it’s likely going to be a long time before things get better. Christy was trying here but had no business in this spot.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Angle was annoyed that Shawn eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and beat him up, setting off the big feud. Kurt is annoyed that people were talking about Shawn in 1996 when Angle was an Olympic champion. Now Angle wants to prove that he is the better man on the biggest stage. Shawn is down with that because he’s Shawn Michaels and it’s Wrestlemania. This is more or less WWE saying “yeah it’s going to be a classic and everyone knows it.”

Various celebrities are here.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

They stare at each other both before and after the bell until Shawn slaps him in the face. That makes Angle take him to the mat and Shawn is completely outclassed there. A headlock takeover works a bit better for Shawn as the fans are behind Angle for a bit of a surprise. The headlock stays on for a good while as they probably have a lot of time here. Shawn switches over to a short armscissors, allowing Angle to power out ala Bob Backlund (his old mentor).

Shawn is right back with the headlock but this time Angle powers up and takes him into the corner. The ankle lock is quickly broken up and it’s Shawn with a Cactus Clothesline to put them both on the floor. The announcers’ table is loaded up but Angle hits an Angle Slam into the post to take something out of Shawn. A suplex gives Angle two and it’s off to the bodyscissors to stay on the ribs/back.

The belly to belly gets two and it’s a reverse chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back. Angle’s belly to belly superplex is broken up but Shawn misses the top rope elbow. Shawn is fine enough to backdrop Angle to the floor and he’s crazy enough to hit a high crossbody to the floor with the knee possibly hitting Angle in the face. Angle gets back up and teases the German suplex off the apron to make the fans a little nervous.

A low blow gets Shawn out of trouble and that means the springboard spinning splash onto Angle onto the announcers’ table for less of a pop than you might have expected, mainly because the table doesn’t break. They head back in for the slugout into Shawn’s forearm and nipup so things can pick up again. Sweet Chin Music (way too early) is countered into the ankle lock, setting up the big crawl to the rope. Angle gets it again but this time Shawn reverses into a rollup for two.

Another Sweet Chin Music attempt is countered into the Angle Slam for two as frustration is setting in. In another awesome moment, Angle pulls his straps up so he can pull them right back down again because you know it’s serious. The moonsault misses though (probably spent too much time with the straps) so Shawn goes up, only to get caught in the super Angle Slam for two, meaning Angle looks ready to cry at the kickout.

Angle talks a bunch of trash so Shawn snaps off Sweet Chin Music to shut him up. That gets a very delayed two and they both need a breather. Angle picks the ankle into the ankle lock as he’s right back up but this time Shawn can’t kick away. Shawn fights everywhere but finally gets pulled down into the grapevine for the tap (after a nearly goofy amount of time).

Rating: A+. Yeah what else do you want here? They told an outstanding story with Shawn going with the natural talent but Angle just wanting it that much more and turning up the intensity to a level Shawn couldn’t reach. It made Shawn look like he couldn’t beat Angle on his best night, all while putting in an instant classic. These two went back and forth with one big spot after another and Angle took away a lot of Shawn’s strength by working on the back. Check this one out if you haven’t in a while as it’s worth seeing again.

Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit (and I think there was an edit in there as the set was put together in the blink of an eye). Piper thanks the fans for the Hall of Fame but wants to get down to business. He wanted the meanest and baddest man in WWE so his guest is Steve Austin. Cue Austin (with a glass breaking transition as we cut to the stage), with JR saying that he’s back at Wrestlemania. He hasn’t missed one since 2000 so that’s not the biggest accomplishment. Piper asks if Austin is the rebel and slaps him in the face so Austin calls him an SOB and returns the slap. Piper: “I kind of like you.”

With that out of the way, Piper talks about respecting Austin but gets cut off by the WHAT chants, which he doesn’t seem to understand. Piper takes issue with one thing: he was ticking Vince McMahon off when Wrestlemania didn’t even have a number. Austin and James Dean have nothing on Piper when it comes to being a rebel. Austin runs down Piper’s appearance and they get in each other’s faces, allowing Piper to quote Cool Hand Luke about a failure of communication.

Cue Carlito, with Piper and Austin accusing each other of bringing him out. Piper: “I’ll get back to you.” Carlito accuses both of them of arguing like girls, before declaring them both non-cool. Piper: “Who the h*** are you? You look like Alfalfa.” Carlito wants the two of them out of here and loads up the apple but Piper takes it away.

It’s Carlito taking the spit this time so Carlito hits him in the face as Austin laughs. Bored of that, Austin beats Carlito up and Piper sends him outside. Beer is consumed until Austin Stuns Piper. This completely missed as Piper and Austin didn’t have anything to say to each other. Carlito getting to be out there was a nice few moments for him but this was all about the legends, who didn’t need to be there.

It’s immediately time for the sumo match with a much harder cut to Cole and Tazz. They had to edit something out of there and we get a VERY long crowd shot during the next entrance. That was probably to remove the ropes, but it still felt like something was cut.

Upon further review, they aired the You Talking To Me trailer here and announced it as winning the Best Overall Trailer award. They’ve aired that on Raw and Smackdown, so why cut it here?

Akebono vs. Big Show

They do the full traditional opening as the fans are really not interested in this one. We finally get going, they slap each other, pull at the gear a bit, Show lifts Akebono and spins him around, and then Akebono wins. This didn’t work again as it came and went as it just wasn’t the right thing for a show like Wrestlemania. Akebono never wrestled for WWE again and I don’t know if he ever appeared again so I’m not sure what the thinking was here.

We recap John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield for the Smackdown World Title. It’s built around a culture clash with JBL being the old, rich traditionalist while Cena lives by his own rules and cares about the people. Cena won a tournament to get the shot so JBL talked about how people like Cena didn’t deserve to be champion. He couldn’t get Cena to go too far though and Cena is ready to explode here.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending and gets a police escort into the arena. Just to show off, we get a shower of JBL dollars, which are always a nice touch. They trade shoulders to start with JBL getting the better of it (the big boot out of the corner probably helped a bit). A suplex gives JBL two and he chokes Cena on the ropes for a bit. Back up and Cena is fine with getting into a slugout but JBL catches him with a Ron Simmons style spinebuster. A neckbreaker and some clotheslines stay on Cena’s neck, followed by a sleeper to do something similar enough.

Cena slips out and it’s a double clothesline to keep up the slow pace. JBL sends him outside for another neckbreaker before going up top for some reason. That earns him a slam out of the air but Cena can’t follow up. Cena starts his comeback but the fans aren’t quite thrilled. The Shuffle gets some energy flowing and after ducking the Clothesline From JBL, the FU gives Cena his first World Title out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Very bleh match here as there was no drama and the match just ended out of nowhere with Cena shrugging off the first ten minutes and winning with very little drama. I know the match itself doesn’t matter that much but Cena wasn’t ready to carry something like this and JBL was never capable of carrying something like this, leaving us with a very underwhelming match.

That’s also the end of JBL’s long title reign and really, it was a lot better than I remember. JBL can talk very well and while his matches weren’t great, it didn’t come close to dragging as a lot of people (myself included) remember. Maybe it was knowing when it was going to end but I didn’t mind this nearly as much as I expected to. JBL winning the title in the first place was a big stretch but he held it a lot better than I would have guessed.

Hall of Fame video. Hogan and Piper were long overdue. Heenan on Iron Sheik’s speech: “WHAT THE H*** DID HE SAY???”

Gene Okerlund brings out the year’s class:

Nikolai Volkoff (sure why not)

Iron Sheik (just don’t let him talk….or maybe let him talk….it could go either way)

Paul Orndorff (belongs in for 1986 alone and is smart enough to point at Miss Jackie)

Bob Orton (always good for a solid performance and still selling the injury from earlier)

Jimmy Hart (yep, and comes off as one of the nicest guys ever in wrestling)

Roddy Piper (would have headlined almost any other class)

Hulk Hogan (odds are we’re not here without him)

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH has dominated the World Title scene for a long time and has used Evolution to help him hold onto the title. Batista has proven to be unstoppable and then won the Royal Rumble. HHH tried to talk him into going to Smackdown but Batista overheard the evil planning, sending Batista onto a path towards Wrestlemania and the title. This isn’t the hardest result to figure out and the fans are begging to see Batista take the title away from HHH for good.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Batista

HHH is defending and has Ric Flair with him, plus Motorhead plays him to the ring, just in case you thought Batista was cooler. I mean, you can barely understand the words because Lemmy butchers it in a great Brutus Beefcake impression but HHH rising up through the stage makes up for it a bit. Batista doesn’t get much of a pop, mainly due to the lack of the famous band performing his music.

The early power lockup lets them drive each other to the ropes but it’s only good for a standoff. They do it again with HHH’s running shoulder having no effect other than waking HHH up a bit. Another shoulder drops Batista but he’s right back up with something close to a powerslam. Batista hits a backdrop, only to have HHH knock him outside to cut the momentum off again.

Flair’s distraction lets HHH send Batista into the steps and Flair gets in some choking with the jacket. Back in and HHH gets two off a suplex, setting up more Flair choking. Whatever emotion the fans had for Batista after that HHH entrance is long gone now as HHH has beaten him down for about seven of the eight minutes the match has been going so far. Batista slugs away but walks into the spinebuster, because of course HHH needs to hit a spinebuster as he dominates Batista in the biggest match of Batista’s career.

A backdrop breaks up the Pedigree attempt but HHH is RIGHT BACK with the facebuster, leaving him on defense for all of three seconds. HHH goes up and gets clotheslined out of the air to no reaction as the fans are gone. They’re smart enough to realize that HHH is going to cut Batista off again and, as expected, Batista charges into a big boot in the corner just a few seconds later. Batista sends HHH over the corner, only to have HHH whip him into the steps.

The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the post and we’ve got some blood. Back in and it’s time to hammer on the cut as the fans finally have something to cheer about. The big running clothesline in the corner rocks HHH and a powerslam gets two as there isn’t quite the energy in the offense that you would expect. It feels like they’re just doing stuff to fill time until the ending instead of of building something up.

Batista sends him outside but goes after Flair, allowing HHH to grab the chair, which hits the referee by mistake. Flair’s belt shot is countered with a spinebuster but HHH’s belt shot gets two. The fans react to the kickout and Batista hits the spinebuster for the big reaction. That’s too much cheering for HHH’s liking so he hits Batista low. Batista blocks the Pedigree with raw power though and hits something like White Noise. The Batista Bomb finally makes Batista champion.

Rating: C. It was miles better than Cena vs. JBL but egads this didn’t do Batista any favors. This was more about giving HHH a big sendoff as champion than making Batista look like a star and….I can’t say I’m surprised. Batista has looked so dominant and smart for the last six weeks that HHH probably couldn’t help himself from cutting him off. HHH did put him over, but it could have been a lot stronger without HHH beating him up and outsmarting him for the first half of the match. Much like the previous match though, it’s all about what comes next rather than what happened here, but HHH made sure to make himself look good.

The big celebration and highlight package wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B. Much like last year, this really needed forty five minutes to an hour trimmed off (and again it’s easy to see what should be gone) to make it great. As it is it’s quite good but there are a lot of times where it felt like it was dragging. The two World Title matches were outclassed by Money in the Bank and Shawn vs. Angle (not exactly shocking on either front) but they got the endings right and aside from the sumo match and Piper’s Pit (which wasn’t that long), only the very short women’s match is bad (and that has various other positives).

What we got here was a strong Wrestlemania, but it needed some time trimmed off to really make it great. That being said, this is still far better than the five hour monstrosities we get now. It’s a completely watchable, at times great and very important show though, meaning it feels like Wrestlemania. The streak of good Wrestlemanias continues, though the show getting longer isn’t the most encouraging sign. Check out the ladder match and Shawn vs. Angle if you have the time though as they’re worth a second look (or nineteenth look in some cases).

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Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

If last year’s show was about change, this one is ten times stronger. This year is about introducing the newest generation of mega stars into the top of the card and it couldn’t happen sooner. JBL and HHH had been very boring champions with HHH cutting the wings off nearly everyone (including Orton, who turned face after taking the title from Benoit, only to drop it back to HHH a month later). With no one left, it’s time for someone new. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Raw: William Regal, Tajiri, Rhyno, Hurricane, Rosey, Simon Dean, Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Maven, Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Viscera

Smackdown: Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Luther Reigns, Scotty 2 Hotty, Funaki, Spike Dudley, Billy Kidman, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Orlando Jordan, Paul London, Heidenreich, Mark Jindrak, Booker T., Nunzio, Akio

This would become a tradition and a way to get a lot more people on the show and therefore a Wrestlemania payday. This is also interpromotional so everyone is in a red Raw shirt or a blue Smackdown shirt. Regal and Tajiri are Raw Tag Team Champions, Dean is a fitness guru, Snitsky is a freaky guy, Masters is strong, Tomko is Christian’s enforcer, Reigns is another big power guy, Jordan is a JBL lackey and US Champion, London is Cruiserweight Champion and Heidenreich is just weird. I’m not sure why Smackdown has one more name than Raw but it doesn’t really matter. General managers Eric Bischoff and Teddy Long are at ringside.

The rosters stare each other down to start and Hurricane gives Heidenreich a mask. Ever the nice guy, Heidenreich hits him in the face to start the fighting. Spike hides on the apron and we’re firmly in the part of the battle royal where you can’t tell anything that’s going on. Reigns pulls Hurricane off the top and dumps him out but a bunch of guys get rid of Reigns just as quickly.

A bunch of people go after Viscera and knock him down because they’re not that bright. Four guys hold him down and Scotty adds the Worm, only to have Masters throw out Scotty, Funaki, Spike and Kidman in a row. Well at least the ring is a little bit clearer. Haas is eliminated and a quick Regal chant goes nowhere. Nunzio is thrown under the bottom rope as the match slows a bit. Maven was eliminated somewhere in there.

Heidenreich, still in the Hurricane mask, rips the turnbuckle pad off for no apparent reason. I told you he was strange. Venis is clotheslined out by Heidenreich and Simon is out a few seconds later. Grenier follows and so does Rosey. Rhyno Gores Snitsky but Holly puts Rhyno out shortly thereafter. There goes Conway followed by both Bashams as the match is now a lot easier to keep track of. Raw and Smackdown square off again and it’s Holly planting Regal with the Alabama Slam.

Jordan eliminates Tomko and Viscera sends Akio over the top and face first onto the steps. Masters eliminates Holly who is followed by Regal. Tajiri sprays the mist into Heidenreich’s face and he eliminates London by mistake. By mistake because they’re both on Smackdown and the idea here is brand vs. brand, even though it’s every man for themselves. Tajiri and Heidenreich go to the apron and both guys are out a few seconds later. We’re down to Masters, Viscera, Snitsky, Jindrak and Booker.

Jindrak catapults Snitsky out and absolutely levels Viscera with a left hand. Masters dumps Jindrak from behind and we’re down to three but Nunzio comes back in because he was never eliminated. He actually makes it a full ten seconds before being eliminated for real and it’s Viscera, Masters and Booker to go. Booker fights out of the double team but the side kick lands on the ropes. Viscera misses a charge and gets low bridged out, leaving Booker to superkick Masters out for the win at 11:36.

Rating: D+. Not the worst battle royal here as they had a bunch of people in there but it was clearly just a way to get them on the DVD for the royalty payment. Still though, Booker winning was a good idea and it’s hard to complain about a bonus match that doesn’t hurt anything and wasn’t part of the main show.

Lillian Garcia sings America the Beautiful.

We get one of my favorite parts of this show: the trailers. The theme of this show was Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood, meaning there were several parody movie scenes with wrestlers in place of the actors. We have Eugene as Forrest Gump, Booker T. as Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction, HHH as Braveheart, John Cena and JBL as Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson from A Few Good Men, Undertaker as Dirty Harry, Christy Hemme as Meg Ryan from When Harry Met Sally, Christian, Chris Benoit and Stacy Keibler in the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct and most of the roster as Robert De Niro from Taxi Driver.

Now we get the debut of the final trailer from Gladiator. The emperor comes down to congratulate the gladiator whose face we can’t see. The voice sounds very familiar though and he takes off the helmet to reveal Steve Austin, who describes himself as a beer drinker among beer drinkers and the master of the middle finger. He promises to create havoc at Wrestlemania tonight because that’s what he does. Good stuff here, as were all of these.

The aisle has a red carpet and there’s a movie marquee that advertises Wrestlemania XXI. It’s one of their better sets ever actually.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

This is face vs. face as they’re the reigning Smackdown Tag Team Champions. Eddie however is a bit frustrated because he thinks Rey has been showing him up a bit lately. No superhero gear this time as Rey is in a combination Mexican/USA flag costume instead. The bell rings and Rey is already adjusting his mask. Rey flips out of a fireman’s carry and shoulders Eddie down until Guerrero armdrags him down.

A headscissors puts Eddie on the floor and it’s time to adjust the mask again. It has a Velcro hook instead of the usual buttons and that’s not going to work very well. Back in and Eddie takes him down with a wristlock until a monkey flip sends Eddie flying. A right hand knocks Rey off the apron though as the aggression is starting. Back in and Eddie gets two off a belly to back before slapping on a surfboard (which takes a good while to finally apply). Eddie has to let go and Rey fixes the mask again.

We hit an STF on Rey but Eddie doesn’t pull back on it very well. Mysterio armdrags out of an armbar and Eddie is looking frustrated. More mask adjustment sets up a flip dive from Rey, followed by more time spent fixing the thing. Mysterio tries to speed things up but Eddie drops him with an elbow to the jaw. Three Amigos are broken up but Rey gets caught in a backbreaker. Two more Amigos connect but Rey counters (adjusting the mask in the process) into the 619, only to have that countered into another backbreaker.

The Three Amigos finally work but the frog splash misses. 619 connects and Rey is bleeding from the mouth. The West Coast Pop is countered into a sweet powerbomb for two as the fans are behind Eddie. Back up and a quick hurricanrana gives Rey the pin (with one final mask fix) at 12:36.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but I think they were expecting something even better. This is what happens when you have a masterpiece like these two had at Halloween Havoc 1997: it sets a virtually unbreakable precedent and puts way too much pressure on them to top it every time they square off again. This kicked off a four month long feud between the two which produced some excellent matches, which was tragically followed up by Eddie’s death in November.

Eddie shakes Rey’s hand.

JBL and company run into HHH and Flair. They compare legacies and HHH laughs at the idea of anyone believing JBL is as good as he thinks. A future showdown is teased but thankfully this never went anywhere. Flair gets in a WOO just because.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane

Money in the Bank, which means a ladder match for a briefcase which guarantees them a World Title shot at any time in the next year. Jericho came up with this one night on Raw and others signed up over the next few weeks. This and the battle royal were a much better idea than the multi-team tag matches we sat through last year. Christian has Tomko with him. Shelton is the Intercontinental Champion and has become one heck of a singles star in recent months. Kane’s entrance is again cool as the set has flames all over it, including the ladders set up near the entrance.

Kane starts fighting in the aisle and beats up all four Canadians plus Shelton. Benjamin and Benoit suplex him at ringside but Jericho smacks Edge in the face with a ladder as the bell rings. Jericho beats Shelton up to start but stops to dive on Benoit. Christian dives on all three of his fellow Canadians but Benjamin dives onto all of them plus Tomko. Kane takes out all five of them with a clothesline from the top before hitting Edge with a fresh ladder.

Jericho dropkicks the ladder into Kane but comes up holding his leg. Shelton and Edge take ladders to the face and Edge gets a second dose. Benoit comes back in to German Jericho and the ladder at the same time but Kane breaks up the first climb. That’s fine with Benoit as he grabs the Crossface on Kane. Edge gets the same treatment until Kane hits Benoit in the face with the ladder for the save. Kane isn’t done with him as he crushes Benoit’s arm between the ladder, only to turn into a spear from Edge.

We get a quick Edge and Christian reunion as they crush Kane with ladders, much to the delight of the crowd. Shelton gets back in and kicks a ladder into Christian’s face and flapjacks Edge into the ladder for good measure. Jericho and Benjamin fight on top of the ladder but Christian sets up his own and joins them. Benoit climbs up with one arm but here’s Edge on a third ladder. Lawler: “It’s like open house at Home Depot!”

Christian takes Benoit down by the arm, Jericho gets shoved off and Shelton hits his t-bone exploder suplex to take Edge down. The ladder falls on the two of them to make it even worse. Christian bridges a ladder up against another one to make a ramp but Jericho puts him down and climbs, only to have Shelton run up the ramp and clothesline him down. Kane comes back in and cleans house until Tomko kicks him in the face. Tomko lifts Christian up ala Rhyno at Wrestlemania XVII but Kane makes a save.

Kane sends the ladder over to send Christian crashing to the floor and onto Tomko. Well it’s better than those insane crashes Christian used to take. Jericho and Kane both fall off the ladder with Kane crashing in the middle of the ring. Benoit drops a Swan Dive off the ladder to bust himself open. The bloody Canadian climbs up but Kane does the Undertaker situp, only to get headbutted back down to the mat. Benoit is alone up there but Edge BLASTS him in the bad arm with a chair, allowing him to climb up (JR: “Somebody stop him! Anyone! Even Christian!”) and win at 15:20.

Rating: A-. It’s amazing how much better these things are when you have a more reasonable number of people. Six seems to be the magic number but the later versions would have seven or eight and the whole thing would get too crowded and watered down. This was awesome fun though with some great spots that would be built on in future years. Edge getting the win is the biggest moment of his career and it felt like a huge moment. Really good way to introduce the concept.

Here’s Eugene (Eric Bischoff’s, shall we say, slow nephew) with something to say. This is his second favorite Wrestlemania moment after King Kong Bundy squashed one of the midgets at Wrestlemania III and the rest of the midgets got together like an army. This brings out Muhammad Hassan and manager Daivari, a pair of Arab American wrestlers who claimed racism was the only thing holding them back.

Hassan: “Do you know why I’m angry?” Eugene: “You don’t like midgets?” Hassan rants about all the fake people here in Hollywood and the prejudice and bigotry in the city’s history. In his way over the top voice, Hassan goes off about taking a backseat to a loser like Eugene. He could not, would not and will not stand for this so he’s going to create a Wrestlemania moment of his own. Hassan decks the injured Eugene and puts him in the camel clutch…..which brings out Hulk Hogan in the red and yellow.

Hulk cleans house with ease and the fans eat this up with a fork and spoon. Daivari’s chair shot goes very badly for him and it’s time to pose. This set up a tag match at Backlash with Hogan teaming up with Shawn Michaels. It’s a great moment and a great surprise with Hogan bringing the crowd to his feet doing as he can do better than almost anyone else. The American flag drops, just in case you didn’t know who you were supposed to cheer for. Keep in mind though: Hassan is from New York and Daivari is from Minnesota.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton had lost the Raw World Title to HHH and then lost a long feud to him, meaning it was time to give him something fresh. To get back on track, Orton turned heel again (he pretty much had to after the face turn was ruined so badly) and decided to end the Streak. Even Randy’s dad Cowboy Bob thought Randy is crazy for trying this until the RKO put Undertaker down one night on Smackdown.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

The druids and torches are back this year. Undertaker, with his hair past his shoulders again, glides to the ring without taking a single step. No Cowboy Bob with Orton here. Orton starts with a slap and nails a nice dropkick for one. That earns him a stiff right hand to the jaw and the RKO is easily countered as Undertaker throws him to the floor.

Old School actually connects but Orton hits another dropkick and punches him in the face. Undertaker comes right back with a side slam for two. Snake Eyes looks to set up a big boot but Orton elbows him in the face to take over. The fans are all over Orton as he pounds away with forearms and right hands. A dragon sleeper (a hold Undertaker used for a bit until it became clear that it didn’t fit him) has Orton in trouble spins around and counters with a DDT.

We hit the chinlock but Undertaker would rather not bore the fans so he suplexes Orton down instead. A powerslam gets two on Undertaker and Orton is stunned. I’m not sure why as he never won anything major with that move but that’s a young heel for you. He follows that up by being a young stupid heel as he pounds down right hands in the corner, only to get caught in the Last Ride. Orton slips out and tries an RKO but gets sent into the referee for a horrible ref bump. I mean Orton’s forearm grazed the referee’s chest and it looked like he died.

After Undertaker falls down trying another Last Ride, here’s Cowboy Bob (who might have missed his cue to force the second failed powerbomb) to knock Undertaker out with the cast (He had a very slow healing arm injury. Going on twenty years at this point.) but there’s still no referee. Undertaker gets up and tries a chokeslam, only to have Orton counter into an RKO in midair. That’s one of my all time favorite spots. Orton is stupid enough to try a Tombstone but Undertaker reverses into the real thing to put Orton away at 14:16.

Rating: B-. This show is on fire to start with the third straight good match, which is somehow a step down after a pair of really good matches. Orton looked like a star out there and began the tradition of someone wanting to break the Streak instead of someone having a personal issue with Undertaker. This would become something like another World Title match over the years as the matches would (eventually) become bigger and bigger over time.

We recap evil Trish vs. Christy Hemme. Christy was in Playboy and Trish didn’t like not being in the spotlight, setting up a title defense for Trish here. Lita tore her ACL in January to prevent another showdown with Trish and is training Christy to make us think she has a chance. The problem is Hemme is just a model and is making her debut against the best female wrestler of the generation.

Women’s Title: Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending of course and easily kicks Christy to the floor to start. Christy is sent into the steps and this is already looking one sided. Back in and the Chick Kick is blocked, followed by Christy kicking Trish low to take over. It’s clear that she has NO idea what she’s doing though and Lawler keeps the focus on her very short skirt. Christy sunset flips her out of the corner for two and makes her comeback with some lame kicks, followed by a reverse Twist of Fate. That’s it though as the Chick Kick puts Christy out of her misery at 4:11.

Rating: D. This was about Christy looking good and Lita being there for a completely token appearance. At the end of the day, this was going to be the future of the Divas division no matter how many people were disappointed. Your wrestling ability stopped mattering because the only important thing was how good you looked in skin tight shorts. Bad match but they kept it short as they should have.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Angle was dominating the Royal Rumble when Shawn came in and eliminated him with a quick superkick. This wasn’t cool with Kurt and he wanted a one on one match with Shawn at Wrestlemania. You don’t have to ask Shawn twice about a chance to show off at the biggest show of the year.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

If this is anything less than a classic, it’s going to be a disappointment. They stare each other down to start until Shawn slaps her in the face. That earns him a takedown but Shawn makes it to the ropes. A headlock slows Kurt down and the fans seem to be on Angle’s side. Back up and Shawn takes him right back down into a headlock. A hiptoss takes Angle down again and we hit a short armscissors.

Angle comes up with the customary lifting counter but Shawn rolls into a sunset flip. Back to the headlock as they’re doing a nice job of recreating the Bret vs. Shawn story of Shawn wrestling technical when his opponents wouldn’t have expected him to go that route. A quick ankle lock attempt is countered and the Cactus Clothesline puts both guys outside.

Shawn is ticked off for some reason and loads up the announcers’ table, rolls inside to break the count (a forgotten move) and gets caught in an Angle Slam into the post. Well not really the Slam itself I don’t know how else you would call that. Kurt starts in on the back and puts on a body scissors. The fans are split as it’s time to trade some chops. Enough of that though as Kurt grabs a belly to belly and it’s time for a reverse chinlock with a knee in the back. Shawn fights up but slaps Angle for some reason, earning himself a big clothesline for two.

Kurt loads up a belly to belly superplex but gets shoved down instead. The top rope elbow misses though and Shawn crashes back first onto the mat. There go the straps but Kurt gets backdropped out to the floor and Shawn, always the crazy one, follows him out with a high cross body. Back up and the German suplex to the floor is teased again but as always, Kurt can’t quite pull it off. Mainly because of the whole death thing. Shawn kicks him low for the save instead and puts Angle on the table for a spinning splash from the apron, which DOESN’T break the table in a sick landing.

Both guys are very slow to get back in as you would expect but it’s Shawn with the forearm into the nipup to get the fans right back on his side. The elbow connects this time around but the superkick is countered into the ankle lock again. Shawn can’t roll out of it but he finally makes the rope. The Angle Slam is countered so Kurt grabs the ankle as a consolation prize. That counter is countered into a cradle for two but now the Slam connects for two.

In another awesome moment, Kurt puts the straps back up so he can pull them right back down, only to miss the moonsault. Might be time for a new strategy Kurt. Shawn loads up another elbow but this time Angle runs the ropes for a super Angle Slam. It still only gets two so Kurt yells at him, allowing Shawn to shove him away and nail Sweet Chin Music for another near fall. Both guys are very slow to get up and Shawn leaves his foot too close to Kurt, setting up the ankle lock with the grapevine for the (very) eventual tap at 27:27.

Rating: A. Outstanding match here with the athletic slugfest at its best. There’s something so great about two masters out there showing everything they could do. Shawn is at his best when he gives it everything he has but just isn’t good enough, though he would win the rematch later in the year. Great stuff here and I really don’t see anything else topping this tonight.

The guys get a well deserved standing ovation.

We get the full Basic Instinct trailer again with Stacy implying there’s something between herself and Trish.

Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit with special guest Steve Austin. Piper thanks us for the Hall of Fame induction but wants to make some history. He’s been told that Austin is the toughest man in the WWE and he calls that bull. This brings out Austin, who Piper says is supposed to be some rebel. Piper slaps him in the face so Austin swears at him and slaps him right back. Piper: “I kind of like you!”

The WHAT chants get on Piper’s nerves quick but he learns how to talk at the right cadence. There’s a point Piper wants to differ on but the WHAT chants cut him off again. Piper says he was here when Wrestlemania didn’t have a number and was ticking Vince off when Austin was in diapers. For some reason JR thinks that’s quite the insult. Austin and James Dean have nothing on Piper when it comes to being a rebel.

It’s Austin’s turn now and he rips on Piper a bit, in time with the WHAT chants. Piper says this is failure to communicate and here’s Carlito if all people to interrupt. Carlito thinks these arguments are stupid because neither of them are cool enough for him (that’s and spitting apples at people are pretty much his entire gimmick). Austin invites him into the ring but Piper has no idea who Carlito is.

Carlito wants them both to leave and can we just get to the Stunners already? Piper steals the apple and spits some of it at Carlito. That earns him some left hands to the head as Austin just watches. Austin finally beats Carlito up, throws him to Piper for a thumb to the eye and gives him the Stunner. It’s time to drink for a good while until Austin finally Stuns Piper too. This went on WAY too long and I have no idea what they were going for but it completely missed. None of them looked like they wanted to be there and Carlito didn’t get anything out of it.

Backlash ad.

Here’s the full Taxi Driver trailer which was voted the best by the fans. The highlight is Batista turning it into a Who’s On First routine.

Akebono vs. Big Show

Why not have some sumo wrestling on the show? You win by pushing your opponent outside the circle or by knocking him off his feet. Akebono is a sumo champion and would become a full time professional wrestler in Japan soon after this. Cole and Tazz treat this as something serious but the fans clearly don’t care. After they go through all the rituals, Akebono wins with relative ease in 1:02. This really, really didn’t need to be here and was lost on the fans, which really isn’t surprising as it wasn’t exactly what they signed up for.

We recap John Cena vs. JBL which is entirely built around a culture clash. Cena won a #1 contenders tournament to earn this shot by beating Angle at No Way Out 2004. JBL is old school and rich while Cena is a brash, in your face rapper who wears throwback jerseys and hats. He had turned the US Title into a spinner belt so JBL helped his lackey Orlando Jordan take the title and then burned it (ok so JBL wasn’t all bad).

JBL got in Cena’s face and said the only way Cena’s family could pay the bills was to have his mama on her back all the time. Since they weren’t allowed to touch each other, Cena ruined JBL’s car, clothes and limousine to try to get JBL to punch him. Naturally this got Cena arrested and JBL hit him while he was defenseless. The build was good, but there’s no question that this is the second biggest match on the show.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

JBL is defending and comes to the ring in a limo with a police escort. To make it even better, JBL dollars fall from the ceiling. I always liked the way JBL held the belt (clasped together but in his hand instead of around his waist). He even sends the Cabinet to the back so this is one on one. Feeling out process to start with Cena getting the better of it until he runs into a boot to the jaw to stagger him.

They trade shoulders with JBL getting the better of it by running Cena over. A big chop staggers Cena again and the champ chokes him on the middle rope. Cena’s comeback is stopped with a spinebuster and punching him in the head. A short arm clothesline (ala Jake Roberts) sets up a sleeper but Cena finally escapes with a belly to back suplex.

There’s a double clothesline to put both guys down again and it’s JBL up first. Cena takes a neckbreaker on the floor and a superplex keeps him in trouble but JBL can’t follow up. JBL eventually gets two and goes to the middle rope, diving right into a powerslam (not a scoop slam Cole) to give Cena an opening. The running shoulders and a hiptoss draw some trash talk and the fans are trying to wake up. The Shuffle connects and Cena ducks the Clothesline, setting up the FU for the pin and the title at 11:27.

Rating: D+. For what was supposed to be a changing of the guard, this was really boring stuff. JBL just could not do it in the ring again at this point and it was clear for months now. Cena winning the first title at Wrestlemania is a big deal and he did what he could but you need a better opponent. JBL had a long run and this was a pretty weak way to end it. Not that I expected anything else though. Their really violent rematch was MILES better and what this match should have been.

Cena celebrates in the crowd.

We look at last night’s Hall of Fame inductions, headlined by Piper and Hogan. They had to go in together.

Gene Okerlund introduces the Class of 2005: Nikolai Volkoff, Iron Sheik, Paul Orndorff (who points to Miss Jackie as she escorts him), Bob Orton, Jimmy Hart, Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan. In other words: pretty much Wrestlemania I as a whole.

Wrestlemania XXII is in Chicago.

We recap the main event. Batista had been Evolution’s animal but he was slowly getting better and smarter. This scared HHH, who thought the whole thing was about him. He and Flair put together a plan to manipulate Batista into fighting JBL at Wrestlemania but Batista overheard them, leading to him beating HHH up. Now HHH has to fight the monster on his own and no one, including Cena, is hotter than Batista.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. HHH

Motorhead plays HHH to the ring and seem to forget the words as it’s a horrible rendition. HHH is also coming out first and rises up through the stage because his entrance needs to be much cooler than Batista’s. They circle each other to start and we get the big power lockup. HHH’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere and Batista takes over with something like a powerslam.

The champ gets thrown into the corner for some right hands but HHH finally sends him out to the floor for a breather. Flair gets caught trying to sneak in a shot, which isn’t enough for an ejection but whatever. Back in and it’s time for choking and stomping, including some extra from Flair. HHH starts in on the back as this is kind of an awkward way to start. An elbow to the back clearly doesn’t make contact so HHH drops some knees instead. A backbreaker keeps up the focus and Flair gets in even more choking.

Some right hands stagger HHH but it’s a spinebuster (because that doesn’t weaken Batista’s spinebuster whatsoever) for a few two counts in a row. The Pedigree is broken up with a backdrop but HHH cuts him off AGAIN with a facebuster. HHH goes up top and dives into a clothesline followed by a side slam for two. That’s enough offense for now as Batista charges into a raised boot in the corner.

Batista comes right back with a hard whip to send HHH out to the floor but the champ sends him hard into the steps to regain control. The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a slingshot into the post, drawing blood from HHH’s head. Back in and Batista goes after the cut with some big forearms before driving the shoulders in the corner.

The fans are trying to get behind Batista again but that HHH dominance killed a lot of the match. Flair tries a distraction so HHH can get a chair but the referee takes it away. Ric takes out the referee and tries a belt shot, only to walk into a spinebuster instead. HHH gets in the belt shot for two. Now the Batista spinebuster connects but a low blow stops the fans AGAIN. The Pedigree is blocked and Sheamus’ White Noise sets up the Batista Bomb to give us a new champion at 21:40.

Rating: C-. Screw off with HHH and his ridiculous ego. Batista won in the end but this was ALL about HHH and making sure he looked as strong as possible in defeat. The fans wanted to cheer here but it felt like every other HHH match in this era but with Batista finally surviving to win the title. The fifteen minutes of dominance here really hurt the match and that’s mainly because of HHH not letting Batista get in enough offense until the end. Couple that with HHH’s awesome entrance and this felt more like a farewell to HHH than the coronation of a new star.

Batista holds up the title to HHH and poses to take us to the highlight package.

Overall Rating: B. This is a very lopsided show as the last hour and a half is a BIG drop from the first two hours and fifteen minutes. The World Title matches just aren’t very good (much more boring than bad though) and some of the other stuff like Piper’s Pit and the sumo match was just plain awful. I’m really not sure what the point of the Pit was unless they were going for a rub for Carlito, but you would think that him beating Cena in his debut match in the fall would have accomplished that just fine.

On the other hand though, four of the five first matches range from good to excellent with only Trish vs. Christy (a four minute match with three gorgeous women) falling short. If you could cut out a good chunk of the last third, this is a MUCH stronger show and one of the better ones of all time. Considering that’s similar to what I said last year, it’s pretty easy to see that pushing four hours (or five last year) is too long for a wrestling show. Obviously you can’t expect everything to be great, but cut some of it down or improve it a lot. Still though, the really good more than outweighs the bad here and that’s always a positive.

Ratings Comparison

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B

Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Kane

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: A-

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Original: F+

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A

Akebono vs. Big Show

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

HHH vs. Batista

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Just about everything was a step lower this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-wrestlemania-21-best-ad-campaign-ever/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/30/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxi-another-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re at the launch of a new era in WWE as Batista and Cena are ready to take over the company as the next generation of top stars. They’re challenging HHH and JBL tonight in the respective title matches in what really are company altering matches. On top of that we’ve got Angle vs. HBK and the first MITB match, making this a PACKED show. The theme tonight is Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood which means we get some outstanding parody film trailers. Let’s get to it.

Lillian Garcia (looking GREAT in a baby blue outfit which shows off her flat stomach) sings America the Beautiful.

The Wrestlemania 21 logo is revealed.

We get a montage of the trailers (HHH as Braveheart, John Cena/JBL from A Few Good Men, Undertaker as Dirty Harry, Eugene as Forrest Gump and many more. Look these up) set to Behind Those Eyes by 3 Doors Down.

We get the final trailer which is Gladiator with Steve Austin as Russell Crowe.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

They’re tag team champions but fighting to see who is better here as Eddie is getting frustrated by Rey unintentionally showing him up. Rey is in a Mexican/American double flag themed outfit here instead of his usual superhero stuff. Rey immediately starts adjusting his mask which will be a recurring theme tonight. Eddie takes him to the mat with a headlock and Rey is already messing with his mask.

An armdrag puts Mysterio down and Eddie grabs a test of strength grip. Back up and Rey tries a sunset flip, only to be catapulted out to the floor. Eddie slides out but Rey slides back in, only to miss a 619 to the floor. Back in and they grab another strength grip before Eddie flips Rey over. The referee counts and they bridge up at the exact same time in a cool visual.

Rey is backdropped but lands on his feet, only to have to adjust the mask again. Eddie is backdropped now and tweaks his knee in the process. Rey is knocked to the floor though and there’s a plancha by Guerrero to take him out. Back in and Eddie cranks on the arms a bit before suplexing a mask fixing Mysterio down for two. Guerrero hooks a surfboard submission but has to leg it go because his own shoulders were down.

Off to an STF on Rey which shifts into an armbar. Eddie tries a powerbomb but gets armdragged out to the floor instead. A BIG corkscrew dive to the floor keeps Eddie down as does a seated senton back inside. Back up and Eddie tries Three Amigos but gets rolled up for two instead. There’s a backbreaker for two on Rey followed by Three Amigos but Guerrero tries a fourth and is sent into 619 position.

Eddie pops up and hits another backbreaker for two, causing his frustrations to start coming out. Three more Amigos set up the Frog Splash but Rey gets out at the last second. Naturally, Rey adjusts his mask. La Majistral gets two for Mysterio and there’s the 619 to send Eddie sprawling across the ring. The West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb for two and Eddie isn’t sure what to do. Instead of following up though, Eddie gets caught in a standing rana for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. This was a disappointment. At the end of the day, these two didn’t live up to the expectations they had set, especially given their masterpieces back in WCW. They never got out of first or even second gear and that really brought things down. The match felt like they were trying to have a masterpiece and they collapsed under the weight. It was ok, but it could and should have been SO much more.

Eddie doesn’t turn on Rey after the match. That would come later.

JBL and Orlando Jordan bump into HHH and Flair. JBL says that he’s never lost the world title like HHH has and HHH is going to add another loss to his total tonight. A showdown is teased but everyone backs down.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Kane

This is the first ever Money in the Bank ladder match and thankfully there are only six people instead of the eight that we usually get today. In a cool visual, Kane’s fire engulfs a bunch of ladders on the stage before everyone else attacks him to start things off. Kane goes for the ladder but everyone jumps him to stop him from getting any weapons. Benjamin and Benoit hit a double suplex on the Big Bald and there’s the opening bell.

Jericho hits Christian in the face with the first ladder and it’s Jericho vs. Benjamin in the ring. The bulldog takes Shelton down but Jericho has to dropkick Edge and Benoit to the floor. A slingshot plancha takes Edge down again Christian dives on all three other Canadians before Shelton dives onto all four of them. Kane goes up top and takes out a bunch of guys as well before pulling out the first ladder.

Before Kane can climb though he has to knock down everyone else, only to have Jericho dropkick him down. Jericho gets the ladder and crushes various people with it before dropping the ladder onto Edge. Benoit grabs Jericho for a German suplex though to send him flying before Benoit tries to climb up. Kane makes a save but gets caught in the Crossface instead. Now there’s a Crossface to Edge but Kane breaks it up with a ladder shot to Benoit’s chest.

Kane follows that up by crushing Benoit’s arm with the ladder, only to be speared by Edge. Edge and Christian stare at each other before crushing Kane between some ladders. Shelton takes both former partners down with a springboard clothesline before trying the Dragon Whip on Edge but kicking the ladder into Christian instead. Edge whips Shelton into the ladder but the spear hits the ladder instead of Benjamin. A Stinger Splash against the ladder crushes Edge and it’s time for a climb.

It’s Jericho and Benjamin up on the ladder but here are Christian and Benoit on their own ladder. Edge climbs a third ladder before Christian hits a DDT onto Benoit’s arm to pull him down to the mat. Jericho is knocked down as well and Shelton hits the T-Bone Exploder off the ladder to crush Edge yet again.

Now we have two ladders set up, one of which set up like a ramp to reach the standing ladder. Jericho climbs up but Benjamin runs up the ladder ramp and clotheslines Jericho off the top and out to the floor. Shelton climbs up but Christian hits him in the ribs with a ladder to put him down again. Christian’s problem solver Tomko comes in now and sets up a ladder for his employer to send Christian to the top. Kane comes back in and fights both guys off before shoving Christian off the ladder off the ladder and out onto Tomko on the floor.

Jericho and Kane both go up and both crash down almost as fast. With one good arm, Benoit comes back in and tries to load up a ladder, but being the psycho that he is, he hits the Swan Dive on Kane instead of going for the case. Now Benoit goes up and rams his head into Kane to send him down (much scarier now than it used to be) but Edge hits Benoit in the bad arm with a chair and climbs up to become the first Mr. Money in the Bank.

Rating: B+. This was the spiritual successor to TLC and having it be every man for himself made it all the better. It worked very well with six men instead of the eight that it would become, making this one arguably the best overall. Very fun match and the spots were still crisp and fresh. Good stuff here.

Here’s Eugene who is still almost kind of popular at this point. Eugene talks about the midget match from Wrestlemania 3 when the midgets attacked King Kong Bundy because he’s so excited to be here. This brings out Muhammad Hassan and Daivari who don’t like being mistreated by Americans because they’re Arab Americans. Hassan makes fun of Eugene and goes on a rant about being left off of Wrestlemania.

He complains about Hollywood being phony before Daivari yells at Eugene too Hassan decks a still injured Eugene and putting him in a camel clutch. We need a savior here and it’s HULK HOGAN walking down that aisle! The arena, in a word, loses it. Daivari and Hassan jump him but it’s a double noggin knocker for those meanies. Hogan punches Hassan down and chops away before booting him down. Hassan is sent flying and Daivari hits Hogan in the back with a chair. That has absolutely no effect and there’s the big boot for Daivari’s troubles. Hogan stands tall and it’s time to pose. As in for nearly five minutes.

We recap Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton was on fire last year and won the world title before losing to HHH because Orton was on fire on the same show HHH was on. After moving on from the Game, Orton decided to go after the Streak because he’s the Legend Killer. Orton made it clear that he was evil now by acquiring a girlfriend in Stacy Keibler so he could RKO her. That’s about it but do you need more?

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

It’s Wrestlemania so we get druids, chanting and torches for Undertaker’s entrance. This is never not cool. We also get the Burn in My Light theme for Orton from back when Orton looked like a 24 year old and not like he was made out of orange shoe leather. Undertaker is just 12-0 at this point. Feeling out process to start until Orton scores a quick dropkick for two. A single right hand puts Orton down but a quick rollup out of the corner gets two for Randy.

Undertaker throws him into the corner and drops the leg on Orton on the apron for good measure. Old School drops Orton again but Undertaker misses a running boot in the corner, allowing Orton to dropkick him out to the floor. Back in and a clothesline puts Taker down again for two but a running DDT drops Orton for two for the tall guy. Undertaker follows up with some clotheslines in the corner before loading up the snake eyes/big boot combo. Orton blocks the coming boot with an uppercut but he stops to pose, allowing Undertaker to sit up.

They slug it out until Undertaker simply runs Orton over for two. Off to a dragon sleeper by Taker which clearly makes Orton tap but it doesn’t count this early I guess. Orton twists around into a nice DDT for two before we hit the chinlock. Taker fights up so it’s a sleeper instead, only for Taker to counter again with a belly to back suplex. Back up and Orton powerslams Undertaker down for two but he makes the eternal mistake of punching Undertaker in the corner and gets caught in the Last Ride.

Orton escapes though and tries the RKO, only to be shoved off. He grazes the referee on the way to the ropes which apparently passes for a ref bump. The Last Ride is countered again and here’s Randy’s dad Bob with the cast (that’s a VERY slow healing injury as it’s at about 23 years now) to give Orton a VERY close two. In one of my favorite counters ever, Taker loads up the chokeslam but Orton counters in mid air into the RKO for two. Like any good lunkhead, Orton loads up the Tombstone but gets countered into the real thing to make Taker 13-0.

Rating: C+. While not great, Orton was trying out there. The problem was that Orton had been crushed so badly by HHH that there was no reason to buy him as a threat here. I won’t say didn’t even have to break a sweat here but other than that RKO counter and MAYBE the cast shot, Undertaker was never in any danger or even extended trouble.

We recap Trish vs. Christy Hemme. Christy looked amazing in Playboy and Trish got jealous because she was Women’s Champion but couldn’t get any respect. Hemme, who wasn’t a wrestler, challenged Trish to a title match. Lita was coaching Hemme to try to make this interesting but it never worked at all.

Women’s Title: Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus

Trish immediately takes it to the floor and sends Christy knees first into the steps. Did I mention this is Christy’s singles debut? Christy comes back with some kicks that look amateur at best. Stratus comes back with some chops in the corner but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Trish hits a hard kick to Christy’s ribs and shoves the injured Lita into the barricade. Christy fires off more kicks and hits a reverse Twist of Fate for two. Trish has enough of this and Chick Kicks Hemme down to retain.

Rating: F. This is where you can tell that the Playboy push was a terrible idea. At the end of the day, Hemme was a model, not a wrestler. If they want to hire models, then either teach them for a long time or don’t have them wrestle, because this kind of stuff is embarrassing. I’m not saying Hemme wasn’t trying or anything like that, but she simply didn’t have the talent to be here. Trish would hold the title until next Wrestlemania.

We recap Shawn s. Angle which I think is going to be better. They put each other out of the Rumble but Angle snapped because when he won a gold medal, everyone kept talking about how awesome Shawn Michaels was and now fifteen years later, Angle wants to get Shawn back for it. Shawn says Angle is great, but this is Wrestlemania and therefore Shawn’s world.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

This was when Angle was the wrestling machine so this should be awesome. Kurt takes in the YOU SUCK chants because that’s how awesome he is. I should mention the set as it has the Hollywood sign on one side and a movie marquee on the other side which says Now Playing and then the match, making it feel all the more special. They stare it down to start until Shawn slaps him in the face.

Angle takes it to the mat and rides Shawn to frustrate him. Shawn gets to a rope and gives Kurt a look like “o………..k then time for a new plan.” Michaels grabs a headlock takeover to slow things down but the fans are behind Kurt. Kurt fights up but can’t escape the hold without using the ropes. Nice storytelling there with Shawn gladly going to the ropes but Angle going to them out of frustration.

Off to a short arm scissors by Shawn for a bit but Angle uses raw power to lift Shawn up into the air. However, since Shawn had that move used on him back in 1992 by British Bulldog, he knows how to roll through into a sunset flip for two. See, THAT is how you play to older fans with some awesome psychology. Back to the headlock as Angle is getting frustrated by Michaels dominating the mat.

Angle takes it into the corner to brawl with Shawn but Shawn ties him up instead. This is also a callback to Wrestlemania XII where Shawn used the exact same strategy on Bret. Angle grabs a quick ankle lock but Shawn rolls through and a Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor. Angle loads up the announce table but opts to pick up Shawn in the Angle Slam and ram Shawn back first into the post to take over again.

Back in and Angle gets two off a suplex before putting on a body vice with a chinlock. The fans are split here but Shawn fights up with some chops to take over. Kurt will have none of that though and suplexes Shawn down to stop the comeback bid. Another belly to belly gets two and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back. Michaels gets up again and they slug it out with Angle taking Shawn down with a hard clothesline.

Shawn blocks a superplex attempt but Kurt rolls away from the top rope elbow. There go Angle’s straps but Shawn counters the Angle Slam and backdrops Kurt to the floor. Shawn goes up and half dives/half falls onto Angle with a cross body. As they get back in, Angle tries his German suplex off the apron but Shawn kicks him low like a good former villain. With Angle on the announce table, Shawn hits a gorgeous springboard spinning cross body to send Angle onto the floor as the table doesn’t break.

Both guys make it in on different sides of the ring at nine. Angle is bleeding from the mouth. They slug it out again with Shawn taking over. There’s the forearm and nip-up as Shawn’s back is perfectly fine all of a sudden. Now the big elbow hits but the superkick is countered into the ankle lock but Shawn FINALLY makes the rope. The Angle Slam is rolled through but Angle counters into the ankle lock but Shawn counters into a rollup for two. Another superkick is caught and there’s the Angle Slam for two.

To show how angry Kurt is, he puts his straps up just so he can take them down all over again. In a scary spot, Angle tries the moonsault but Shawn doesn’t roll away far enough, sending Angle’s face into Shawn’s side. Shawn goes up again but Angle runs up the corner for the belly to belly off the top. Somehow that only gets two and Angle yells at Shawn, talking about how Michaels’ days are done. Shawn shoves him back and superkicks Angle down but he can’t follow up.

The cover eventually gets two and Shawn isn’t sure what to do now. He slowly stands up but Angle grabs the ankle lock again. Shawn tries to kick Angle off but Kurt won’t let go. They’re in the middle of the ring with Shawn writhing in pain. Angle puts on the grapevine and Shawn is all but dead. He hangs on for as long as he can before FINALLY tapping out to give Angle the win.

Rating: A+. Angle and Shawn at Wrestlemania having a masterpiece. Who would have ever seen that coming? The match was excellent all around and the match never stopped being great. They would have another masterpiece at Summerslam which again shouldn’t surprise anyone. Great match here and definitely worth seeing if you haven’t before.

Shawn gets the big ovation post match.

We get the Basic Instinct trailer which is Stacy Keibler flashing Jericho, Benoit and Christian while implying she and Trish are lesbians.

Moolah and Mae Young are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit with newly inducted Hall of Famer Roddy Piper. Apparently his guest is Steve Austin but it takes Piper forever to get to the entrance. Piper is pretty much rambling here as is his custom most of the time. Oh wait Piper says that he’s the toughest guy around here rather than Austin. Here’s the Rattlesnake for his annual cameo. They slap each other as this is supposed to be some epic encounter I think. Piper gets annoyed at the WHAT chants but gets into the concept pretty quickly.

This goes on WAY too long as Piper says that he’s the real rebel instead of Austin. Austin makes fun of the way Piper looks and asks if he’s supposed to be scared or intimidated. Piper says they’re failing to communicate and here’s Carlito of all people. Piper thinks Carlito looks like Alfalfa and insults are traded. Carlito has his own apple spat in his face by Roddy so Piper is beaten down. Austin beats up Carlito, beer is consumed and Austin Stuns both guys. This went on WAY too long and was more awkward than anything else.

We get the Taxi Driver trailer which is most of the roster trying to do “You talking to me?” with very mixed results. Batista does a Who’s On First bit as he asks for his line and the script guy keeps saying “You talking to me?” constantly frustrating Big Dave. Good stuff.

Akebono vs. Big Show

Time for our “celebrity” match of the year. Akebono, a grand sumo champion, is going to face Big Show in a sumo match. There’s a circle in the ring (that’s kind of overkill) and you have to knock the other guy out of it or off his feet to win. Show of course is in the sumo thong because what else would you expect from him?

The big idea here is that Akebono is outweighed for the first time ever. They spend way too long setting this up before the whole match lasts like a minute with Akebono throwing Show out of the circle. Seriously, that’s it. Total waste of time here. Yes, a legit sumo grand champion beat a guy with no idea what he was doing.

We recap Cena vs. JBL which is a culture clash. The idea is simple: Cena is the new young guy who is popular with the fans while JBL is old, rich and reserved. JBL has held the title forever and someone has to stop him eventually. Cena has been at war with JBL and his Cabinet as well so it’s basically 4-1 tonight. JBL has spent months insulting Cena’s life and family because Cena can’t touch him without losing his title shot. JBL couldn’t touch him either or he would lose the title, so Cena spraypainted a lot of JBL’s stuff.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL gets a police escort for his limo as JBL dollars fall from the sky. Surprisingly enough the champ sends Orlando Jordan and the Bashams to the back before the match. This is one of the rare instances where “My Time Is Now” is very appropriate. It’s a feeling out process to start but Cena runs into a boot in the corner. The champion starts pounding away in the corner and there’s the fallaway slam for good measure.

JBL chokes away on the ropes as this is in very slow mode to start. They slug it out for a bit but Cena charges into a spinebuster to put him down again. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion and a big clothesline gets two on Cena. JBL puts on a sleeper but Cena counters into a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we head to the floor for a neckbreaker by the champion.

Back in and JBL puts Cena down with a superplex for a delayed two as the crowd is mostly dead. Layfield goes up but dives into a powerslam for no cover. Cena comes back with his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Cena pumps up his shoes and after ducking the Clothesline, the FU (now called the AA) gives Cena his first of many world titles.

Rating: D. This was a REALLY dull match as JBL was freaking terrible in the ring at this point. He was so slow and lethargic and the match never worked at all. The ending sucked too as JBL didn’t even hit his finisher before taking the FU for the pin. Their rematch at Judgment Day was WAY better as it was a total brawl which suited JBL to perfection.

We do the Hall of Fame stuff. The class is introduced and Orndorff is far more impressed with Miss Jackie than anything else. The class this year is Volkoff, Iron Sheik, Orndorff, Bob Orton, Jimmy Hart, Piper and Hogan. Guess who gets the biggest reaction by far.

Wrestlemania 22 is in Chicago.

We recap the main event. HHH was world champion for the better part of ever in Evolution but Batista was becoming the big star. In January Batista won the Royal Rumble and got to pick HHH or JBL to challenge at Wrestlemania. Batista overheard HHH and Flair calling Batista stupid and HHH’s days were numbered.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. HHH

Since this is HHH, he gets the big entrance with Motorhead before Batista comes out, meaning Batista gets a much weaker entrance. Little things like that are why people can’t stand the guy. The singer for Motorhead BUTCHERS the song, but then again it isn’t likely one he sings that often. Oh and HHH rises through the stage with the band and gets to pose with them before Batista just walks out. For a big old school fan like HHH, it’s pretty interesting that he comes out first like that, no? Batista also doesn’t have pyro yet so he looks like he’s having a seizure on the stage. No I Walk Alone yet either.

They lock up to start with HHH shoving him against the ropes. The locking up continues with Batista not being able to shove HHH down like a power guy should be doing. A shoulder block puts HHH down but HHH gets to run Batista over this time. You know, so it’s clear that HHH is every bit as strong. A Pedigree is countered and Batista powerslams the champion down. Big Dave hits some shots to the face in the corner followed by a backdrop. Dang they’re really cranking this up now.

HHH hits the jumping knee to the face to send Batista back to the floor. Yet again, Batista can’t get anything going at all. Batista gets distracted by Flair and is sent into the steps by the champ. Back in and HHH drops an elbow on Batista’s back to keep control as this has been mostly one sided so far. Flair gets in some choking and HHH drops more elbows on the back. A suplex puts Batista down for two as this is already going slowly. Flair chokes away even more before HHH guillotines Batista out to the floor.

We get the “deliberate pace” line from JR which means “dear freaking goodness DO SOMETHING ALREADY!”. Batista hits some right hands to wake the crowd up a bit but there’s the HHH spinebuster to make sure HHH doesn’t look bad at all. The Pedigree is countered with a backdrop but there’s the facebuster to stop Batista again. We’re eleven minutes into this match and it’s ALL HHH so far. The Game goes up but jumps into a clothesline followed by a side slam for two.

The fans don’t get fired up of course though and they have no reason to. Batista’s offense has been stopped cold every time and there it is again as he charges into a boot in the corner. Batista throws him to the floor but YET AGAIN HHH stops him by sending him into the steps. The Pedigree on the steps is countered into a catapult into the post to bust the champion open. Back in and Batista pounds on the cut before clotheslining him in the corner.

The pace is still REALLY slow again because Heaven forbid we get an exciting main event. They head to the floor again where Batista lays out Flair as the referee disarms HHH with a chair. The referee goes down so here’s Flair for interference. HHH gets in a belt shot for two and the fans FINALLY wake up a bit. The spinebuster puts HHH down but the momentum is broken up AGAIN with a low blow. The Pedigree is blocked though and it’s something that we would call White Noise and Batista Bomb to give Batista the title.

Rating: C-. Oh dear. This wasn’t about Batista winning the title but rather about HHH losing it. Instead of looking dominant, Batista looked like a guy who survived against HHH, which is one of the last things you want to do to make a new star. Just WAY too much HHH on offense here and it brought the match way down, especially for a match that was supposed to be Batista’s coming out party.

Batista celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s some really lame stuff here but the historical significance of the main events more than make up for their lackluster in ring material. The MITB match and Angle vs. Shawn are more than worth seeing and Orton vs. Undertaker isn’t bad. Most of the matches here fall under not bad and the show is a letdown as a result. Still though, it’s good stuff, but it could have been legendary.

Ratings Comparison

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Kane

Original: A

Redo: B+

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Original: F+

Redo: F

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Akebono vs. Big Show

Original: F

Redo: N/A

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

Original: D

Redo: D

HHH vs. Batista

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just about everything was a step lower this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-wrestlemania-21-best-ad-campaign-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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