Smackdown
Date: December 4, 2003
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a request that I got a few weeks ago. This can best be described as the Benoit Show, as he’s facing Cena in a #1 contenders match with the winner facing Brock for the title in the main event. Yeah that’s probably a spoiler, but screw it, this happened almost eight years ago. Other than that, there’s not much to say about this show. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of a battle royal for the #1 contendership where Benoit and Cena hit the floor at the same time. This was pretty much perfect as all four feet hit at the same time. Lesnar took out Cena after that and A-Train and Nathan Jones (combining to make Team Lesnar which didn’t last long) beat up Benoit. Both guys got F5’s as well.

The still cool black and white theme opens us up.

Here’s Brock to open the show. Brock starts a you tapped out chant (he tapped to Benoit at Survivor Series) but says that after tonight you’ll have nothing to say. After tonight, he’ll never tap out again. Unless there’s a heel hook involved. Now the chant is starting to get on his nerves. He says Cena and Benoit intentionally tied last week so that no one would have to face him tonight. Lesnar hurts people, like Angle and Holly. He guarantees he’ll make someone tap out tonight.

Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are tag champions but this is non-title. Shaniqua is with the Bashams and is the dominatrix to their…..whatever the term for that kind of person is. Danny jumps Rikishi to start and manages to avoid the Samoan Drop. Rikishi drops down onto the chest though and Basham is in trouble quickly. Off to Scotty and now it’s Doug in trouble. Shaniqua trips Scotty behind the referee’s back but is sent out for her efforts. Doug hits a Vader Bomb Elbow for two.

Off to Danny who works on the back and neck some more. The Bashams hit a double flapjack and a double nipup (nice) for two. Doug hooks an abdominal stretch but Scotty escapes and manages to get the tag to the fat man. Rikishi cleans house and sets for a Stinkface but Shaniqua comes back and the twins switch. Rikishi gets hit low but Scotty hits the Worm on Doug. Samoan Drop to Danny gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but I never was huge on Rikishi and Scotty as a team. The Bashams were the flavor of the month of the tag teams and the dominatrix thing never worked that well because no one cared about Linda (who drops two very audible F Bombs in her berating of them post match). Rikishi and Scotty would get the titles in two months.

Dawn Marie (HOT) is in the back with Heyman and Heyman turns down sex with her for some reason. She’s his assistant I think. He asks her to take a memo, saying that Hardcore Holly’s suspension is extended. Oh and go tell Shannon Moore to get in the ring.

Matt Morgan (yeah that Matt Morgan) is with Nathan Jones in the ring along with Heyman. Morgan was also part of Team Lesnar. We see clips of Morgan and Jones destroying Shannon Moore over the last two weeks. Heyman calls out Moore who is apparently being punished for Matt Hardy bailing to Raw. He says that Moore has the it factor and he keeps coming back for more. Tonight, Moore is in action.

Big Show vs. Shannon Moore

Moore hits a baseball slide to start. That’s the extent of his offense in this match. Oh wait that was before the match started so the beating continues. Shannon fires off some forearms and has his head taken off by the US Champion. Show hits his step over legdrop which is called the Hog Log. Chokeslam ends this quick.

We get a tale of the tape between Benoit and Cena. Career accomplishments for Benoit: four IC Titles and two tag titles. Career accomplishments for Cena: PhD in Thuganomics and has battle rapped HALF of the Smackdown roster.

Noble asks Nidia to stay in the back because of her safety (she took mist in the eyes and is blind) but it’s really because she costs him matches. Noble says he has an idea.

Sakoda vs. Jamie Noble

Sakoda was Tajiri’s wing man. Nidia comes out with Noble anyway. Sakoda is a pretty muscular guy for a cruiserweight. Noble works over the arm so Sakoda uses the other arm to take Noble’s head off. Sakoda hits a backbreaker for two and a belly to back for the same. Noble comes back with a neckbreaker and kicks away at Sakoda.

A middle rope legdrop gets two. Sakoda comes back with an exploder suplex but Noble hits a one knee Codebreaker for two and sends Sakoda to the floor. A suicide dive takes Sakoda out and throws Nidia in. Tajiri is with the referee so Noble throws Nidia into Sakoda and rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was better than I expected. I don’t remember much about Sakoda but I think he was part of what was supposed to be a Yakuza faction that never materialized. Nidia being blind wound up being a ruse like almost all other blind angles. I don’t remember her being around much longer after this.

Noble is very excited about winning.

Cena makes fun of Josh Matthews when Benoit comes up and says he can make Cena tap anytime he wants.

Christmas in Iraq is coming.

John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

The winner gets Lesnar later tonight. Cena rhymes about the situation tonight before the match. He’s a face at this point. Benoit jumps him immediately and knocks him into the corner. This is going to be mostly brawling. Suplex gets two for Benoit. Cena comes back with the pounding to the back and a clothesline for two. They’re both trying to end this quickly for the sake of conserving energy for Lesnar later.

After a surfboard hold by Cena, a spinebuster gets two for John. Benoit is holding his ribs so Cena adds a delayed vertical suplex for two. Proto Bomb gets two as well. Cena sets for the FU but Benoit counters into the Rolling Germans and says Cena can’t see him. Swan Dive misses so Cena pumps the shoes up. Benoit comes back with chops but walks into the FU for the pin out of nowhere.

And never mind because Benoit’s feet were in the ropes for a Dusty Finish. We take a break and come back with Benoit ramming Cena’s shoulder into the mat and homing in on it to control. Northern Lights suplex gets two. Benoit chops away and hits a clothesline for two. Cena hits a hard right but that’s the bad arm so he can’t follow up. Benoit drops elbows on the arm for two.

Cena tries to go to the floor but Benoit gets him back in immediately. All Canadian right now. He cranks on the arm with a modified armbar but Cena fights back and hits the Throwback for two. Benoit trips the legs and puts on the Sharpshooter but Cena makes the rope. Benoit goes for the arm again but Cena grabs a bad FU (he fell down so it was more like a Death Valley Driver instead of the release Death Valley Driver that it usually is) and both guys are down. Big Show comes out for no apparent reason and the distraction allows Benoit to grab the Crossface for the tap out.

Rating: B-. Not a classic or anything but this was a good one. I couldn’t quite go higher than this because it never hit that next level, but Cena wasn’t ready to go there with Benoit yet. Big Show and the Dusty Finish didn’t help either but you can’t fault the guys in the ring for that. Good match.

Chavo is warming up when Eddie comes up. Eddie is going to the ring with Chavo but Chavo asks Eddie to stay in the back. They’ve been having problems lately. He blames Eddie for his knee injury and tonight, it’s about Chavo, not Eddie.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin

Chavo has a bad knee coming in. Eddie comes out anyway to tick Chavo off. Shelton jumps Chavo to start but Guerrero comes back with a headscissors. Eddie gets a lawn chair out of his lowrider and has an energy drink hat. You know the kind with the cans on the side that you can drink from. Chavo lands on the knee and Shelton superkicks the injury to take him down. He adds a Robinsdale Crunch because he’s from Minnesota.

Shelton stays on the knee with a Flair knee crusher and then a basic leg lock. Eddie looks hilarious with the energy cans on the side of his head. Now he’s got a magazine to read. Shelton hooks another leg lock and Chavo is in trouble. Chavo comes back with some clotheslines and a dropkick for two. A tornado DDT puts Benjamin down but Haas gets the referee. Eddie comes in and hits the Frog Splash on Shelton and Chavo gets the pin. I don’t think Chavo saw the splash.

Rating: D+. Nothing much to the match here but it was more of an angle than a match anyway. Chavo would turn heel soon enough and fight Eddie at the Rumble, followed by Eddie turning into a mega star and winning the world title the following month. These two are always interesting to watch.

Chavo yells at Eddie post match and doesn’t want to ride with him.

Tazz plays Final Fantasy.

Video package on Lesnar.

Benoit says that Lesnar is in fact an animal but that video didn’t show Lesnar tapping out last month so let’s look at it now.

The FBI is taking bets on the main event and Brock is a 3-2 favorite. A-Train bets $10,000 on Benoit. Remember that he’s part of Team Lesnar.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Chris Benoit

Brock jumps Benoit during his entrance and hammers on the ribs. Benoit comes back and clotheslines Lesnar to the floor. He chops at the chest and sends Lesnar shoulder first into the post. Benoit throws Lesnar in for a Crossface attempt but Lesnar bails to the floor. Lesnar gets in a shot at the ribs and Brock takes over again. In a cool move, Brock sets for a fisherman’s suplex but holds Benoit up almost in a rack position before dropping him down.

Benoit gets sent to the floor and is rammed face first onto the announce table. Cole’s mic seems to mess up as he sounds like he’s on the arena mic. Back in because Lesnar wants to win by tapout like he promised. Off to a choke with a bodyscissors by the champion. Benoit fights up but walks into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. Brock is bleeding from the nose.

We take a break and come back….with the same thing. I’m not sure if that was a break or not. Taz and Cole are whispering and I don’t think we’re supposed to hear it. I think this is footage from the break. That would explain something from Cena vs. Benoit as well as the announcers said welcome back but I didn’t see anything change. Lesnar puts the hold back on and Cole starts talking again.

Lesnar charges at Benoit and they tumble out to the floor. Benoit goes into the steps and the ribs are in big trouble. Lesnar seems more willing to take the countout win this time. Benoit pulls him to the floor and pounds away, sending Brock into the steps as well. Brock runs back into the ring but catches Benoit in a release German suplex. He charges into the corner but the shoulder goes into the post and Benoit snaps off Rolling Germans.

A shoulder block puts Brock down and Benoit hits the Swan Dive but can’t cover. A delayed cover gets two. The crowd is way into this now too. Benoit goes for the Crossface but Brock gets an arm out to block the hold. Chris settles for an armbar instead but Brock counters with an attempted side slam.

Benoit’s legs hit the referee though as Benoit grabs the Crossface. Lesnar taps but there’s no referee. Benoit lets it go and walks into the F5 which only gets two. The referee goes down again so Lesnar gets a chair and blasts Benoit’s knee with it. He hooks the Brock Lock (Benoit’s knee goes over Lesnar’s neck and Brock sits on his back while cranking on the knee) and Benoit passes out.

Rating: B+. It was around this point and possibly because of this match that there was no way the company could avoid putting the title on Benoit anymore. Lesnar would go on to feud with Hardcore Holly of all people while Benoit would go on to win the Rumble. Very good match that could have been the main event of a PPV.

Brock puts Benoit in a Crossface position and makes him slap the mat post match because he’s a jerk.

Benoit is helped up and gets a lot of cheers.

Overall Rating: A. This was back in the day of the single branded PPVs so on the off months for the other brand, you would get super shows like this one. The PPVs sucked most of the time but shows like these were AWESOME. It was a Benoit showcase here and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. With two very good matches and some other ok stuff, you can’t ask much more from a free TV show than that.

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Great American Bash 2005
Date: July 24, 2005
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re back for more of this nonsense. It’s still Smackdown only and after the recent Draft, Batista and the World Heavyweight Championship are the bees’ knees (I’ve always wanted to say that) on the blue show. The main event is him defending against JBL, but this was before Batista got good against Taker. The rest of the card looks like your basically dull single branded PPV. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the American Dream and how the whole show is going to be about him despite his matches sucking and not nearly as many people wanting to see him as he thinks. Oh scratch that, wrong American Dream. This is about Batista vs. JBL and Hassan being discriminated against. This is after the London terrorism thing. Oh and we’re in the Eddie vs. Rey for Rey’s kid thing.

You can tell this show is weak: the sponsor is WWE.com.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MNM vs. Heidenreich/Animal

This is Heidenreich/Animal since Hawk died a few years ago. I think this is because of the LOD DVD. Despite MNM being an awesome tag team and the champions (and the predecessors to Miz/Morrison), what do you think is going to happen here? Heidenreich doesn’t have spikes because he’d have to earn them. They’re called Legion of Doom but they changed the music so I don’t consider them a team. Heidenreich runs off Mercury to start and then does the same to Morrison.

Animal throws him back in and Animal gets a big pop. A double suplex puts the champions down and man there’s a gut on him. This is a total squash so far. FINALLY the champions double team Heidenreich and take his knees out. Mercury works on the knee and the announcers try to compare Heidenreich, the guy that raped Cole remember, to Hawk. Morrison misses a cannonball down onto the knee so it’s back to Mercury. This is REALLY boring stuff. After he cleans house, a title shot to the head gets two. Snapshot is broken up and the Doomsday Device gives the not-LOD the titles.

Rating: D. There was zero reason to put this on PPV and it wasn’t a good match in the slightest. They were trying to go for the LOD formula of total domination, but the non-matching tights and the lack of anything resembling charisma (or talent) by Heidenreich kept that from working. Bad TV match and an awful PPV match. Somehow they would hold the titles for THREE MONTHS.

Eddie talks about how he offered Rey a new twist on their match because he likes manipulating people now. He wants Dominic out at ringside for their match tonight to see Rey get destroyed. Eddie’s facials on this are great.

Christian vs. Booker T

Christian is awesome at this point and freshly on Smackdown. Booker is veteran midcarder in residence. Booker chases him into the ring and it’s a staredown. Christian hides, because that’s what cowardly heels do right? They fight up the aisle and there’s no story or reason for this match happening mentioned so far. Back in the ring a slingshot gets two for Booker. The tornado reverse DDT off the middle rope gets two for the Captain.

One arm DDT gets the same results. This is going nowhere again. Christian dominates with an evil headlock and Taz calls it an Anaconda Vice. Wait maybe it was a Vice. It’s not like we could see it, but who cares about something like BEING ABLE TO SEE THE MOVE??? Side kick misses and Booker goes down. Sharmell slaps him to remind us she’s still alive. Bookend hits for two.

The twisting sunset flip out of the corner gets no count but a spinebuster puts the Canadian down. Again there’s no particular reason for this match happening and that more or less sums up the problem with this match: there’s no reason to see them fighting. There’s the Spinarooni but since this is near Canada and Toronto in particular, this isn’t exactly a Spinarooni town.

Booker hits him in the corner but Christian powerbombs him out for two with feet on the ropes. Missile dropkick gets two for Booker. Christian ducks a….something, and they go outside. Booker throws him into steel objects, goes back in, hits the axe kick from the middle rope and that’s it. Seriously, that’s it.

Rating: D+. It’s not a bad match, but this came and went. The ending was kind of cool looking, but at the same time there’s NOTHING interesting here at all. Tazz mentions something about Smackdown from a few weeks ago but it’s not like we’ve heard that in the twelve minute match. The lack of story hurt this a lot, but these two have never worked well together at all.

Some old interviewer talks to Melina who says MNM will get the titles back soon. She’s going to beat Torrie in their bra and panties match too.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Jordan is champion and has been since March, beating Cena for the title. Yes, this guy kept the title like six months for absolutely no apparent reason. He has stupid looking puffed up hair here too. Benoit hammers him down to start as Orlando isn’t all that talented. Jordan tries to kick him in the knee and Benoit just chops him down. The champ tries working on the arm but Benoit leg drags him down and we go to the floor.

Benoit goes into the post and Jordan takes the buckle off. That lets the Canadian hit a German on the American to take over. There was no story to this other than Benoit beat Booker to get this shot. Jordan works on the neck for a second and then fires off punches. He used to be a boxer apparently. Ok so now Jordan is on the arm. PICK A BODY PART AND STICK WITH IT!!!

A dropkick puts Benoit down which Tazz tries to pass off as a big impressive move. Back to the arm and this match needs to end already. I’ve been thinking that a lot in this show. Benoit grabs a Sharpshooter attempt to try to get something going but Jordan would rather bore us to death. Jordan hooks something like a crossface chickenwing and then off to the neck because he worked on it for a few seconds earlier.

Jordan goes up but Benoit chops him down and hits a superplex off the top to put both guys down. Another Sharpshooter attempt fails but here are the Rolling Germans. I’m still not sure what popping your hips means. Swan dive gets two after a delay. Benoit chops away but Orlando’s head smacks into Benoit’s to put Chris down. Jordan finishes taking the pad off the buckle and a charging Benoit hits that for the pin to keep the title on Jordan. Yes they really did this. Benoit would win it at Summerslam in like 30 seconds.

Rating: D. Again the problem here is that Jordan is just boring. He’s as generic as anyone could ask for and I don’t think he had an actual finishing move. He might have used a DDT once in awhile. Imagine Honky Tonk Man’s offense, minus anything resembling charisma or ability in the ring. And he held the title for SIX MONTHS!

Benoit gets a standing ovation for some reason.

We recap Taker vs. Hassan. The match is for the #1 contender spot, but the problem was that Hassan had sent in a group of masked terrorist characters to choke Taker out with piano wire. They decided to do this on the same day as the London subway bombings, so UPN (the network Smackdown was on) basically threatened to throw WWE off the air if Hassan kept appearing, so this is his last appearance.

Undertaker vs. Muhammad Hassan

The Terrorists bring out Hassan on a caravan kind of thing. Hassan reiterates that if he loses here he’ll never show his face on Smackdown again. The winner of this gets a shot at Summerslam (didn’t happen). Some of the terrorists surround the ring. Hassan tries to run but gets caught in the corner and hammered on. Old School hits and a Downward Spiral gets two.

Taker charges in the corner but goes crashing over the corner to the floor. The Terrorists hammer away on him and Hassan takes over. Back in a DDT gets two. Taker shrugs off everything and hammers Hassan down. He heads to the floor and beats down the Terrorists, but gets caught by the wire again. Oh and they’re “sympathizers” according to Cole. The ski-masks, black sweatshirts and camo pants would suggest otherwise. Hassan puts his camel clutch on back in the ring which is easily countered. The Terrorists come in and are knocked back down. Chokeslam ends Hassan.

Rating: D+. Somehow a match based around terrorists with zero drama to it at all is the best match so far tonight. This show seems to have no soul at all and it’s really hurting things. This was a really bad period for the company but the show sucking this much is inexcusable. This was the best match of the night so far if that’s possible.

Taker beats up the Terrorists and Daivari because he can. Hassan goes up the ramp but Taker catches him and hits a Last Ride through part of the stage. Hassan was never seen again. This takes like 8 minutes.

Torrie promises to give the troops watching something to remember against Melina.

Hassan is bleeding from the back of his head as he’s taken away.

Mexicools vs. BWO

Oh where do I begin. Ok so the Mexicools are Juvy, Psicosis and Super Crazy as really stereotypocal Mexicans (ride lawnmowers, carry rakes etc). The BWO is here because at One Night Stand, JBL legitimately beat up Blue Meanie. WWE gave Meanie a job for like two months so he didn’t sue them. This is their only match of note. The BWO comes out on big wheels for absolutely no apparent reason. American Chopper joke maybe?

Juvy vs. Nova starts us off. Things break down and the BWO takes over. Psicosis finally hits a corkscrew plancha to take over on Nova. Back to Juvy as Nova gets beaten down. He Hulks Up (NWO parody remember…..in 2005) and Cole messes up the BWO’s names. Hot tag brings in Richards who cleans house. Side slam gets two on Psicosis. Everything breaks down and Crazy hits a moonsault onto Richards followed by a guillotine legdrop by Psicosis for the pin.

Rating: F. This was on PPV. Once you get that through your heads, you’ll get why this was a failure.

We recap Eddie vs. Rey. They had been partners but Eddie never could beat Rey one on one. Eventually Eddie started talking about Rey’s son Dominic and said he was going to tell Dominic a story. Rey said don’t do it and so Eddie wanted one more match. If Eddie wins, he gets to tell Dominic the story.

Rey and his son pray before the match. Dominic follows the time honored tradition of speaking Spanish and then repeating it in English like he’s in a high school class.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Cole apologizes for being biased in this match. That’s chuckle worthy given what would come from Cole in like 5 years. Dominic is at ringside and the fans are behind Eddie. Eddie forces a handshake and Rey is getting madder and madder. Rey finally snaps and hammers away as the bell rings. He gets things going and hits the bulldog for two. We keep stopping so Eddie can smile at Dominic.

Eddie goes up but gets crotched and Rey snaps off a hurricanrana. This time Guerrero crotches Rey but Rey counters with a rana and hits the 619 to the ribs. Seated senton gets two. Eddie rolls to the floor to panic a bit then goes up to Dominic. Rey finally remembers that his mortal enemy is hugging his son and goes out for the save. Eddie hides behind him and tells Rey to get on his knees and beg.

Rey of course does and Eddie of course blasts him, because good guys are idiots in wrestling. Cole goes on a rant about how Eddie is getting off on this manipulation. Eddie is dominating here and not much is going on. Rey is basically fighting on instinct and trying to stay alive. Keep in mind that this whole match is based on the idea that if Eddie, the evil psychopathic villain loses, he gives his word he won’t say something. I mean you KNOW he’d never lie about that right?

Gory Stretch is on but Rey counters. He can’t follow up though and Eddie sends him to the floor. Eddie goes after Dominic and Rey speeds up again, taking over with a few shots. Rey grabs a tornado DDT for two. 619 hits but Eddie avoids the Dropping the Dime. Three Amigos hit but Rey rolls away before Eddie jumps for the Frog Splash. He makes it Six Amigos and the last one is a brainbuster. Now the Frog Splash hits but Eddie would rather look at Dominic, allowing Rey to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: C. The problem here is that the match runs about 15 minutes and about three of those minutes were spent looking at Dominic or Eddie stalking him. The problem is that this was based too much on emotion and the match was pretty much devoid of energy or interest. Naturally this feud would continue as Eddie would reveal that he’s the father of Dominic, setting up the line of “the following contest is for the custody of Dominic!”

Eddie freaks out post match.

JBL, wearing a patriotic vest that Apollo Creed would look at and say “yo dude tone it down”, says he’ll win the title which the Buffalo Bills couldn’t do. He’s a great American don’t you know.

Torrie Wilson vs. Melina

Bra and panties rules and Candace Michelle is guest referee for no apparent reason. I’m not particularly going to bother talking about this, because it has nothing to do with wrestling at all. Torrie does look good in pink pants though. She actually puts on an abdominal stretch and pulls the top off of Melina. Melina kicks her to the floor and takes over. Torrie loses her shirt too. Candace has had nothing at all to do in this match. And there go Torrie’s pants. I’m not rating this but they looked good.

Candace strips Melina to end this. She also strips herself. This would be better if they both weren’t in Playboy.

We recap the main event. Cena had been drafted to Raw so there was no champion. There was a six man elimination match to crown a new champion and JBL won it. Then right after it was over Teddy announced that Batista had signed to Smackdown somehow. JBL didn’t get the title but he gets the title shot here instead. Batista said he saw a bully in JBL and he’s here to stand up to the bully. Batista cost JBL a match with the Blue Meanie.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL gets a full police escorted motorcade from outside into the arena. Once in the arena, we get confetti and JBL is handing out small American flags. Batista is mad over. He was significantly ahead of Cena at this point but Johnny was coming up fast. JBL is looking thicker here. Not fat, but thick. Ok maybe it is just fat. Big Dave takes over with power to start as they have about 20 minutes here.

They go to the floor for a bit and they fight over a suplex coming back in. JBL clotheslines him on the top, and then we get the scary part. JBL jumps off with a clothesline and Batista catches him like it’s nothing. THAT. SHOULD. NOT. HAPPEN. Back in Batista’s shoulder goes into the post and a big boot knocks him to the floor. They go onto the announce table and both guys are down.

Jibbles takes over, hammering away with the power game. He gets a flying fist off the table which gets two back in the ring. There are some elbow drops and then a sleeper. JBL’s red white and blue wrist tape is downright keen. The sleeper goes on for about a minute or so which should kill Batista but in wrestling, it’s just a way for him to get a breather. Finally he suplexes out of it and both guys are down.

A Batista charge sends him to the floor and he goes into the steps. Then he goes into the post so one steel object won’t feel left out. It’s always steel. Why is that? Anyway a big boot by JBL misses and a clothesline puts the Texan in the crowd. A spinebuster hits but the referee was bumped. Jordan comes out and gets decked too.

The Bomb is loaded up but Jordan cracks him with a chair. That only gets two of course because thank goodness we’re not getting another JBL title reign. The Clothesline gets two and the second attempt is countered into a spinebuster and then a powerslam. And then Jordan comes in with a chair. Batista cracks Jordan and then JBL with it and that’s good for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible, but man they needed something else for an ending. The problem here is that no one bought that JBL had a chance. They go twenty minutes for an ending that we already knew was coming, and then we have a weak DQ ending involving Orlando Jordan. That’s not how you end a show, especially after how badly this shown has gone already.

Post match Batista freaks out and kills everyone with powerbombs. The rematch would be a street fight.

Overall Rating: D-. I reviewed this show all in one day. Now usually that isn’t the case and I do part of a PPV review in one day and then more of it on the next. Sometimes it takes parts of three days, but today I did it in one. I had to look at the card again after the main event because I couldn’t remember what happened on it. That’s how forgettable this show was. Those kind of shows are far worse than a horrible one because there’s nothing you can to complain about and nothing all that interesting. Horribly dull show and I can see why this series is hated so much.

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When Worlds Collide
Date: November 6, 1994
Location: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Chris Cruise

This is another one of those shows that is the holy grail of stuff I’ve wanted to see for years. This was a co-promoted show by WCW and AAA (Mexican company) when the company first started. It has five matches on the card and based on Meltzer’s ratings, the worst is three and a half stars. There are a lot of names you’ll recognize and a few you won’t. This is something I’ve wanted to review for a long time so let’s get to it.

This is Tenay’s commentary debut.

Mascarita Sagrada/Octagancito vs. Jerrito Estrada/Espectrito

This is a minis match. Sagrada was Max Mini in WWF around 1997. These guys are all mini versions of full sized guys. This isn’t a comedy act in Mexico and is really a big deal so this will be treated seriously. Espectrito is the Minis Champion. There are two referees here and even they have backstories. Octagoncito and Espectrito start us off. Off to Estrada who is a giant mini at 5 feet tall.

Sagrada comes in and flies all over the place. Sagrada is a very tiny man so the heels who are much bigger toss him around with ease. You can come in if your partner is thrown to the floor here. It’s kind of hard to keep track of who is legal here. The heels go after Octagancito’s mask which is an automatic DQ if it comes off. This is IWC (another Mexican company) combining with AAA so it’s technically a tri-branded show.

Espectrito hits a superkick to put Octagancito to the floor, which allows Sagrada to come in. This tagging style is taking some getting used to but it’s customary there so it’s fine. Estrada misses a corner dropkick and then a second one to Octagancito. You have a 20 count on the floor also. The heels double team Sagrada until he fights off with a bunch of flips that Sin Cara would be jealous of. Everything breaks down and here come the dives. Estrada slams Sagrada on the floor but Octagancito takes over on Estrada. A moonsault press from Sagrada ends him back in the ring.

Rating: C+. It was entertaining, but I think the minis thing is something that doesn’t translate well from one culture to another. It wasn’t bad but the ton of arm drags got pretty old quickly. This is fun in moderation but a full match like this gets a little dull. Still though, fun match and a nice cultural thing which fits into the worlds colliding theme.

Madonna’s Boyfriend/Fuerza Guerrera/Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Heavy Metal/Latin Lover

Madonna’s Boyfriend is Louis Spicolli. You know Psicosis and Rey. Latin Lover is a guy that was in WWF for like one match and was a big deal in AAA for awhile. You have to pin either the captain (Guerrera and Metal respectively) or both of their partners. So it’s kind of like an elimination match, but if you pin the right guy you win automatically. It’s kind of weird but again it’s a cultural thing.

Big brawl to start and now it’s time for the explanation of technicos and rudos. HUGE pop for the 19 year old Rey. Fuerza vs. Metal to start us off in a captains match. Off to Psicosis and Rey who are called potential superstars by Cruise. Well he’s half right. Rey sends Psicosis to the floor via a slick rana but Psicosis shows some common sense and RUNS from the ring as Rey sets for a dive.

Off to Spicolli who is way bigger than almost anyone else in this. Louis puts him on the top and pats the head. Then he does it again so Rey snaps off a missile dropkick which is no sold. Off to Latin Lover who used to be a male stripper according to Tenay. Cruise: “How did you find that out?” Spicolli likes to dance a lot.

Heavy Metal clears the ring and we’re told he’s the son of the referee. Things speed way up and Metal puts on a nice acrobatics display with Psicosis. Off to Guerrerra vs. Rey. The fans are into this a lot more when Rey is there. There’s another rana, this time off the apron to the floor. Psicosis tries to ram into Latin Lover and it fails a lot. Off to Metal vs. Guerrera and we get a low blow by Guerrera I think.

Off to Spicolli and the tagging thing is still hard to get used to. Rey gets tossed into the crowd as the heels take over. The most famous guys are in again and they hit the air quickly. Back to Lover vs. Spicolli and make that vs. Guerrera instead. Lover is very popular here and his superkicks get good reactions. Love misses a top rope splash and Guerrera hooks a very modified Sharpshooter.

That lasts all of five seconds and they slug it out a bit. Metal does a sweet backflip off the top and things break down again. This match needs to end now. Rey speeds things way up and hits a SCARY swanton headbutt (only way to describe it) to the floor onto Spicolli. Guerrera hooks a neck hold on Metal after he missed a swanton for the tap out. And yes he actually tapped.

Rating: C. Meltzer overrating stuff that isn’t American? Say it isn’t so! Yeah this got four stars from him and it’s just not that good. It’s too long and while it was cool to see Rey with intact knees, there wasn’t much here for the most part. It was sloppy at times and the constant brawls were a bit much to take.

Tito Santana/Pegasus Kid/2 Cold Scorpio vs. La Parka/Blue Panther/Jerry Estrada

This is IWC vs. AAA. Pegasus Kid you know as Chris Benoit and yes that’s the same Tito Santana you’re familiar with. Estrada is a brawler, Panther is a masked guy and captain and La Parka is La Parka. Scorpio is starting us off but Estrada and Parka fight over who starts. Instead it’s Panther who takes Scorpio to the mat to a HUGE pop. I’m a big Scorpio and Santana fan so I think you know which team I like here.

Off to Benoit vs. Parka. The Parka team is WAY more popular as they’re technically the hometown team. Santana comes in but Estrada and Parka fight over who gets to face Santana. Tito in black trunks is an odd sight to see. Also this is just Tito, not El Matador. Mike says Tito is clearly the weak link on his team. That’s not exactly what I’d say but he’s the Professor.

Parka won’t tag in, ticking Estrada off even more. Benoit and Panther come in to speed things way up and Benoit hits a huge suicide dive to the floor. Benoit is the captain of his team so if he loses it’s over. Scorpio and Parka come in and try to out overdo it. They slug it out but neither guy can take over. Parka fakes taking a low blow and both guys hit the floor. That allows Estrada vs. Santana to come in. Remember that’s legal here.

Estrada is sent to the floor and it’s off to Benoit vs. Panther again. They’re both in blue so that works out well. Benoit hooks the snap suplex but an elbow misses. Parka is tagged in and he walks along the apron for a bit first. The Canadian hits a German on the Mexican and it’s back to Panther again, this time against 2 Cold. They look like their chemistry is way off at times in this.

A powerbomb puts Parka down but Estrada comes in, breaks it up, kicks Parka a bit for good measure and now the heels can’t figure out who to get in. Ok so now it’s Tito vs. Panther. Benoit comes in but misses the swan dive. Scorpio misses his huge moonsault as well. I get why Panther is a champion. La Parka and Estrada fight over who gets to cover Scorpio so it’s back to Panther again.

Parka sends Santana to the floor and sets to dive but hits Estrada of course. Scorpio hits a big dive to take everyone out. Panther misses a moonsault so Benoit hits a Matt Hardy legdrop for two. Panther tries a powerbomb on Chris but Benoit rolls through into a rana for the pin and ZERO reaction, which also might be a cultural thing.

Rating: C. I liked it a little better than the previous one but it’s no classic or anything. The idea here was two different styles and in that theory it worked. At the same time though, the tagging thing isn’t something I can get used to inside of an hour, which is how long this has been going on. It was fine but it’s something I think I’d like a lot more if I watched lucha libre more often.

Estrada and Parka almost get into a fight post match but Panther tries to break it up. Finally he’s like screw it and they fight for like a second before Estrada leaves.

Los Gringos Locos vs. Octagon/El Hijo Del Santo

Oh here it is. THIS is the reason this show is famous and it’s one of the best matches of the 90s according to almost every reviewer. There is all kinds of backstory here. First of all: Los Gringos Locos are Eddie Guerrero and Love Machine Art Barr (just called Love Machine) and they are HATED. Barr makes swimming motions at the crowd as they come in, which is about as racist as you can get.

Both of them (plus their lackey Louis Spicolli) are in clothes so American flagged themed that Jack Swagger and Kurt Angle and the Patriot would tell them to tone it down. There are others in the stable with them including non-Americans like Konnan but you get the idea. The story here is that Eddie was in a team with El Hijo Del Santo but turned on him. This was due to their fathers being a big team (Gory Guerrero and El Santo, El Santo being the undisputed biggest name ever in Mexican wrestling) and Gory being overshaddowed. The idea was Eddie wouldn’t let it happen so he beat up El Hijo to take fame for himself.

On top of that, Los Gringos beat Octagon/El Hijo Del Santo for the AAA tag titles in Chicago a few months before this with the help of a fast count from a paid off referee. This is a mask vs. hair match though, which is the mother of all gimmick matches in Mexico and it’s also 2/3 falls. However since this is Mexico, for a fall to count, both members of a team have to be defeated. I’ll try to keep track of that as we go.

Got all that? Good.

Eddie vs. Santo (his name is El Hijo Del Santo and Santo is a different wrestler, but for the sake of not having to type that every time I’ll be calling him Santo. I’m aware of the difference) starts us off and the fans couldn’t be more behind the masked team. There’s only one referee in here and if you go to the floor it doesn’t mean the other guy can come in so it’s a more traditional tag match.

Off to Barr and Octagon but Eddie cheats like only he can. They set for a Doomsday Rana but Eddie botches slightly, basically dropping Santo on his head. Since he’s practically dead, that’s good for the first pin. Remember that doesn’t count as a fall though, but rather just half a fall. A superplex by Eddie and a frog splash by Barr (he invented it, Eddie copied it) ends Octagon so we’re at 1-0 Gringos very early.

Barr does the swimming thing again during the break between falls. Eddie starts with Santo again and Santo is in trouble. Off to Octagon and he’s an idiot apparently as Eddie begs off and Octagon lets him have a break. Off to Barr who likes to do jumping jacks. Eddie comes back in via a slingshot hilo and Santo is like screw this and pounds on Eddie a bit. Barr takes a senton backsplash and everything breaks down.

Out to the floor and the Mexicans dive onto Los Gringos in a huge crash. Back to Eddie vs. Santo in the ring which is what the original match was going to be. Eddie snaps off a rana off the top and gets a quick pin on Santo but we’re not done yet. Santo can’t interfere here either. The Gringos double team Octagon but he escapes, hooking a rana on Eddie for a quick pin and then a freaky looking neck lock on Barr for the tap and a POP.

Now we get down to the real stuff as those first ten minutes were just a warmup. Back to Eddie vs. Santo to get us started as Barr chants for Proposition 187, which would be a very tough anti-immigration law up for a vote in California. See why he’s so hated? Santo hooks a camel clutch but Barr superkicks him in the head to take over. Octagon comes in to break up a submission hold but stops to kick Barr a little while he’s in there.

Octagon kicks away even more but Eddie saves and tries the Gory Stretch. Eddie goes up but gets caught in an electric chair drop for two. Now Los Gringos try the double suicide dives but Eddie’s foot gets caught on the middle rope so he lands on his head. They head back to the ring where Eddie gets powerbombed to the floor. Barr tombstones Octagon (HUGE thing as that move paralyzed a guy shortly before this) and gets the pin to put them a fall away from winning. The crowd is reaching ONS 06 levels of hate now.

Eddie grabs a German on Santo for two and there’s the PowerPlex again but it only gets two here, drawing an ERUPTION from the crowd. Octagon is being stretchered out and it’s heel miscommunication time. Santo dives onto Eddie and Blue Panther (Santo/Octagon’s second) piledrives Barr to make it 1-1. So in essence it’s Guerrero vs. Santo now and Eddie hits a Batista Bomb for two. A belly to belly superplex gets two for Eddie as does a rana off the top. Dragon suplex gets two as Barr is waking up again. Santo grabs a rollup out of nowhere and keeps the masks as he gets the pin.

Rating: A-. I don’t know if it’s the lack of context but I didn’t see this as being the perfect match that it’s built up as. Then again I almost always rate tag matches lower than most people do so that probably has something to do with it. That being said though the crowd was electric for this and the whole thing worked very well. Great match and worth seeing for history if nothing else.

Octagon is taken into an ambulance. Barr cuts Eddie’s hair and cries over having to do it. Barr gets his cut now and looks like he’s about to cry.

Barr would be dead in 17 days. He had a ton of potential too.

We recap the card while the cage is lowered.

Perro Aguayo vs. Konnan

Aguayo is an old guy (49) who was betrayed by the young guy. Aquayo took Konnan’s mask while Konnan took Aguayo’s hair. This is the rubber match and it’s inside a cage, escape only to win. Konnan was the most popular guy in Mexico but turned heel in a huge deal and drew huge money. The previous two matches were three years ago it seems and then they were a tag team. Konnan turned heel and here we are.

Konnan, a pure power guy, throws Aguayo around to start. Perro fires off some kicks to get going and pounds away in the corner. He goes up but comes crashing back down via an electric chair drop. Konnan takes over with a pair of hot shots into the cage. The fans are totally behind Aguayo who is busted. Perro takes over again and keeps going for covers for no apparent reason.

They fight up to the corner and slug it out with Aguayo sending him down. We hear about the three way feud with Perro, Konnan and Cien Caras which kickstarted the AAA promotion. Aguayo takes over but is pouring blood. He really likes that double stomp move. Konnan fires off a low blow and takes over. We get an inset shot of Eddie (mostly bald) and Spicolli watching this on a monitor. Perro is in control so here they come.

Aguayo hits about the third double stomp of the match so far. Now he’s climbing but Konnan makes a stop. Here are Eddie and Louis with a cup of something that they throw in the face of Aguayo. They throw Konnan some brass knuckles and Konnan hits the PowerDrop (Razor’s Edge into a sitout powerbomb) to kill Perro dead. The knuckles are thrown out but it’s not like keeping them secret means anything.

Konnan kicks him down again but Perro fires off some right hands to take over for about 3 seconds. Here are the knuckles again and Guerrero is trying to get in. Konnan hits a low blow and throws the knuckles out again. Konnan goes up and here are Los Dynamite Brothers (Cien Caras and his brothers) for the save. They chase off Eddie and Spicolli and Caras knock Konnan down off the top of the cage. The 5th double stomp is enough for Perro to escape and win the match.

Rating: B-. Fun enough cage match here to close things out. The run-ins at the end make sense and Perro winning when we got things down to one on one was a nice touch. You can’t really fault the ending for being Aguayo standing up to win everything and stop the young guy, especially since he’s the big legend face. This was fine.

There’s a LONG celebration (as in like 7 minutes) to end the show. Konnan goes after an overzealous fan post match as well.

Overall Rating: B+. It’s not a classic show or anything but it’s a fun show to watch. It’s a little over two hours and it works rather well. Seeing the legends before they were legends is a cool idea and I can see why this show is so revered. It’s good stuff and if you can find it (good luck) it’s worth checking out. Almost all of the good guys won which is the idea of a big show. This worked and I liked it. Good stuff.

 

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Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Announcers: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz

Once again another year has passed since Summerslam. Isn’t it odd how that’s always the case? Either way, things are indeed different now, as Chris Benoit finally broke through the glass ceiling and won the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 20. Tonight he faces Randy Orton who is 22 years old and has all the potential in the world. When he won a battle royal for the #1 contender spot, no one knew what to think other than oh craphe might win it.

Other than that we have JBL vs. Taker for the Smackdown Title, which means little as JBL was already sucking badly, although for a different reason. In this case, JBL just had no resume as the character was brand new and two months after debuting he won the world title. Why should we buy into this character? That question was never actually answered so for the most part we didn’t.

Oh and there’s some guy named Cena who was on the roster last year but couldn’t manage to get on the show. He’s wrestling Booker T tonight in the first of a best of 5 series for the US Title. That series wouldn’t end for two months, which in itself is just stupid. Let’s get to this, as the card looks….interesting I guess you’d say.

The entrance video is set to Rush’s Summertime Blues, so that’s a bit of a perk. The idea is that this is the culmination of the summer, and because of that we get a humorous video of WWE guys in Olympic events. Oddly enough Angle isn’t shown in that. For some reason, the Smackdown Title is listed last, and I mean completely last.

It’s billed after everything, which isn’t saying much for it. Oh also I forgot to mention, the third big match is Angle vs. Guerrero in a Wrestlemania rematch which should be good. The arena looks very cool with the screen shaped in a half circle over the entrance to the arena so it looks kind of like the sun setting.

Dudleys vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman/Paul London

Here we have Spike as the new boss of the Dudleys. He’s the Cruiserweight champion and is heel now as well. He’s apparently been “calling the shots” for some time now, although no one has ever figured out what moron green lighted this angle. No one took Spike seriously, ever, so it’s stupid to think that they would here either. Anyway, Spike took the title from Rey so Rey got two of his jobber tag team friends to help him out and this is what you get.

For some reason that I have no idea of, I remember this match being booked and thought it would steal the show. I have no idea what I was on but I’d love to have some more of it. Cole calls something vintage Spike. And so it begins. Two of them in less than two minutes. Did we never notice this before somehow? London and Kidman are the Smackdown tag champions at this time by the way, so yeah, screw that whole defending belts on PPV idea.

That just can’t be done obviously. Rey and Spike finally get together and apparently this is the reason this match is happening. Of course this is the better way to go instead of, oh I don’t know, DEFENDING A TITLE ON PAY PER VIEW? Rey is beating up all three of them by himself. You have to love the super powers that star power gives you. It’s a mess now of course and Rey and Kidman actually use the Hart Attack with Kidman being the powerhouse of the team.

619 leads to a shooting star press but D-Von makes the save. Kidman tries to fight off the two Dudleys that weigh more than 18lbs but eventually gets caught in the 3D and Spike gets the pin. Cole has come to a conclusion: Spike is now the boss of the Dudleys. Thank you for telling us again what you said at the beginning of it.

Rating: B-. I really liked this match. 6 man tags are a good way to open a show as they’re usually fast paced and offer a variety of combinations so if one matchup is bad the rest can balance it out nicely. This was fine here as it was two title feuds combined into one so that’s all good. However, there’s a point to having PPVs. They’re places where big matches are supposed to happen. When I say big matches, I mean matches where titles are on the line.

Lawler in a suit just doesn’t look right.

It’s recap time as our subject right here is Matt Hardy vs. Kane. Here’s the deal: Matt and Lita were engaged, but for some reason Kane hated Matt. Lita slept with Kane to keep him at bay, and now she’s pregnant with his baby. Insert your own soap opera related title joke here. The winner of this match gets to marry her. Yeah I know just go with it.

Matt Hardy vs. Kane

I’ve always loved Lita’s theme at this time. Matt’s is pretty sweet too actually. Kane is finally in his traditional attire so we’re starting to look modern here. Amazingly enough, this isn’t the stupidest stipulation in the history of Summerslam. Matt at this point had more or less no track record to speak of. He was a low level guy and this was probably his biggest feud to date, so he’s the epitome of the underdog here. He starts off fast though.

This was also when he still wasn’t fat and was at least trying very hard out there, which is all you can ask for a lot of the time. Matt more or less throws everything he’s got at Kane inside the first three minutes, including a Twist of Fate on the floor which gets a 9 from the referee (it had a good beat but I couldn’t dance to it do I give it a 65). Anyway, Matt fights with everything he’s got, but it’s just not enough.

This match is just hard to comment on as it’s barely over 6 minutes with a minute of that being the outside sequence. Lita slides the bell in to Matt, and her shouting of MATT doesn’t clue the referee in on the fact that they’re cheating, nor does the bell sound when he hits Kane with it. Screw the company sending the old guys to rehab. Send the referees to an optometrist. Anyway, Kane finally gets going but he’s on offense all of 40 seconds, which somehow is enough.

He goes up top for the clothesline but Matt crotches him. He tries a DDT from the top but gets chokeslamed instead. Matt’s landing of almost trying to sit up and just falling backwards is just great. Lita is of course stunned. The wedding would be tomorrow night and of course, it went bad.

Rating: B. Call me crazy, but I really liked this. It was way to short to be considered great, but in the time they had, it was certainly intense. You could feel Matt and Lita’s nervousness and it paid off. The chokeslam was great too, and Lita’s face at the end was both beautiful and destroyed at the same time. Short but very sweet.

Randy Orton is in the back, being asked by Todd Grisham about his match tonight. Orton is talking about how he’s going to win tonight when Cena comes in. He’s a rapper at this point and completely annoying. The showdown between these two does look cool though, considering what was coming. Cena asks the fans who will win and they say Benoit. This was nothing special, but it still looked cool just for the future aspect.

Booker T vs. John Cena

This is the first match in a best of 5 series for the title, which I think I kind of like. However, this took TWO MONTHS to get through. How is that possible? PPV, Smackdown, House Show, Smackdown, PPV. There, one month, 5 matches. This feud wouldn’t end until October though, so what’s the point? Cena is still a rapper at this point, and is rocking the Blue Jays old school jersey which is awesome.

Again, THIS IS SHORT. I don’t get the point in having all these 6-7 minute matches. Either way, the problem here is simple: the fans don’t care because they know there’s at least two more matches with these guys, so why should they care about this one? Nothing is going to happen at the end of it, so why should they care? I certainly don’t and I can’t imagine they did when it was actually happening either.

Cena was really starting to find his audience here and in the coming months would be launched into the main event of Smackdown, although he would have perhaps the worst world title change in the history of Wrestlemania as that show was all about Batista and HHH.

Either way, this is just not that interesting of a match as they can’t waste their best stuff with four matches to go and the fans aren’t that interested. That being said, maybe it’s good that this match is about six and a half minutes. Booker spins up and Cena calmly picks him up and FUs him for the win. This could be a textbook definition of a quick and uninteresting finish.

Rating: D. Like I said, they couldn’t use much of their best stuff, no one was interested, and it was way too short. Either way, this was just a bad match and it showed really bad. They would go on to improve huge, but this was a very bad way to start.

Teddy Long, still the Smackdown GM, is joined by Bischoff who would be fired in about a year. They lay the groundwork for Raw vs. Smackdown at Survivor Series and talk about Eugene.

Diva Dodge ball later tonight. Oh this isn’t going to go well.

IC Title: Batista vs. Jericho vs. Edge

Edge is champion here, having returned from injury and declared war on Evolution, although I don’t remember him ever getting to HHH. At the time, Batista was the hottest thing in wrestling to say the least. He was getting great face pops every time he came out, while Jericho was a face at this point. Edge of course was awesome, but he still didn’t have that spark he had pre injury.

His style has completely changed here as you can tell he’s tentative about going too hard, but at this point it was finally starting to wear off. Batista is also rocking a near mullet here with much longer hair than you’re used to. Batista had been using this big running clothesline to knock people out lately, similar to Luger’s forearm. Jericho as the home country boy gets a big pop. Edge still has his old music, but gets a bigger pop as Toronto’s own, according to Lillian.

We already are getting the Batista shoulders in the corner which still have that little stomp before them. The red boots aren’t working for him either. Edge stops Batista from hitting the Bomb on Jericho, which makes no sense as it would have made it a one on one match, but what do I know? Lawler says that Edge is opportunistic, so maybe Lawler is smarter than we all gave him credit for.

JR says that he’s complex. Didn’t that aspect of his character get thrown out a long time ago? Edge just towers over Jericho which is very funny looking to me. Batista is down on the floor so it’s Canadian on Canadian violence. Surprisingly the crowd is behind Jericho. I mean they’re REALLY behind Jericho. Edge is actually getting no reaction at all while you’d think Bret Hart was the guy he was fighting.

Batista gets back in and Edge goes for a spear on him, but Jericho knocks Edge out of the way. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? It would wipe Batista out and then it would be one on one again, and since Batista had to make a save to end the Walls of Jericho just a second ago, you’d think that Jericho would want it one on one with Edge.

Anyway, Batista, who for a guy that is supposed to be a killer is on the floor a lot, is on the floor again as Jericho and Edge go at it one more time. This time, Jericho knocks Batista BACK to the floor, allowing Edge to hit the spear to keep the belt to no reaction. I mean the place is silent. It’s very weird indeed.

Rating: C. This was kind of a bunch of revolving one on one matches and while it didn’t fail, it didn’t really work either. Batista needed more seasoning, but screw that I guess because he was put into the main event just a few months later as he won the Rumble and headlined Mania in about 8 months. Either way, this was more about Edge vs. Jericho and while that’s fine, it was supposed to be a triple threat and from that standpoint it was just ok.

Ad for the Benoit DVD.

Recap of Angle and Eddie. They fought at Mania with Eddie loosening his boot so Kurt couldn’t grip it for the ankle lock, leading to a roll up for the pin. Angle then was chokeslammed from a balcony, breaking his leg. He was upset that he had a real injury and Eddie faked one, and says that Eddie has to cheat to beat him.

Angle, the GM of Smackdown at the time, screwed Eddie out of the title in a cage match, so Eddie was ticked. That leads us here, and it really doesn’t sound that good when I think about it.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Luther Reigns, who did nothing at all, is with Kurt here. Eddie comes out in the lowrider, which I’ve always hated. What’s the point of it anyway? Oh look I have a car that can bounce. Yeah that’s really cool. Cole calls Angle a former Grand Slam Winner. For one thing, does that sounds like he won an eating competition at a Denny’s? Either way, how can he be a former winner of it? If he’s won it once, he’s always won it right?

They do a nice technical sequence to start with neither guy being able to hold an advantage for that long. Eddie even goes for the ankle in a nice touch. Angle gets a key lock on Eddie, which Tazz corrects Cole for calling an armbar. As Eddie is getting up, Tazz calls it an armbar. You have to love the thought process sometimes of Tazz, or his lack thereof. Angle finally ends this friendly natured competition with a German, but Eddie gets a full ankle lock on which just looks weird.

Angle counters and hits the slam, then his own ankle lock. In a cool looking spot, Eddie grabs his ankle and for a few seconds, both have ankle locks on the other. Eddie’s is broken though as he apparently has a titanium leg, because being in the hold for about a minute won’t make him tap. There’s having heart, and then there’s just being stupid. This is the latter.

Oh the straps were pulled down inside of 5 minutes. This has been like an Angle match in fast forward. They go to the mat…again. This is like a bad MMA fight where they’re just laying on each other the whole time and no one really does anything. The fans are just completely dead for it as even I’m getting drowsy. Seriously, they’ve been wrestling for about ten minutes and at least 7 of that has been submission holds.

Eddie has a spot whispered to him by Angle, who for no apparent reason has unlaced Eddie’s boot, which in theory would help his ankle by letting it loosen up a bit, but what do I know? Eddie hits a belly to back suplex to get out of another chinlock, but because he’s facing Angle, it’s called an Angle slam. I can’t stand that. Why is it that when anyone else does it it’s an average move, but when Angle does it it’s devastating?

The same holds true for a lot of people. JBL used a hard clothesline which the Steiners did for years, Jericho has a Boston Crab which is a bad example because it never beats anyone, and Lawler uses a fist. Why are these moves so devastating? It’s not like you’re going to get better at them with a lot of practice or strength like the chokeslam or a power bomb.

Anyway, Eddie comes back with punches and the third one is just after his stupid dance, so naturally the power behind it triples. Benoit is ripped off even more by the snap suplexes followed by Eddie going up for the splash. Angle does the run up the ropes belly to belly which is just flat out cool. Luther is shown and my theory that he’s completely pointless is confirmed as he hit Eddie once about 10 minutes ago and this is the first we’ve seen of him since.

After Angle hits a thumb to the eye, which Cole would make you think was a .45 caliber bullet to the face, Angle gets the boot completely off to expose the sock covered ankle. He gets the ankle lock on for about the 12th time after getting up from a frog splash to get Eddie to tap out. Seriously, Reigns was completely worthless here.

Rating: C-. This was just flat out boring for the first 8-10 minutes as it was nothing, and I mean nothing but submission holds. Now that’s fine in theory, but DANG it just got boring after awhile. It was nothing but chinlocks, headlocks and ankle locks. Now once they stopped doing that it got miles better but prior to that it was just flat out horrid.

The dozen ankle locks didn’t help either as it just got stupid after awhile. It made the hold look very weak as Eddie held on for probably three minutes total in it without ever giving up. It just didn’t work at all for me and while others would think it was great, this wasn’t good for me.

We recap HHH vs. Eugene. This is why this era from the WWE is looked down on so much. We have probably the best stable since the NWO and their leader is fighting a guy that’s slow. Anyway, this was actually a pretty creative storyline in my eyes.

Eugene was a guy that was a wrestling savant, meaning that while he had no actual training or anything of the sort, he had learned from watching wrestling for many years, and then got trained (on camera) by Regal, making him into a complete wrestler. In reality, Eugene was played by Nick Dinsmore who was a very talented technical wrestler. He’s the undisputed god of OVW, having won the heavyweight title 9 times and the tag titles 10 times or something like that.

Think of Lawler in Memphis kind of. Anyway, Eugene was saved by the Rock when people were making fun of him and he said that HHH was his favorite wrestler. Instead of HHH getting someone competent to help him though, he enlists Eugene as an honorary member of Evolution on a night where Eugene was guest GM.

Eugene booked Benoit vs. HHH for Vengeance for the WHC, which Eugene accidentally cost HHH. He then beat up Regal, who was Eugene’s mentor. That leads us here. The problem here is simple though: at the end of the day, while that storyline at least sounds good, IT’S STILL HHH VS. EUGENE. Doesn’t that just sound silly?

HHH vs. Eugene

I now remember why I hate Eugene: you can never get his song out of your head once you hear it. It’s freaking addictive. Why does the annoying character have to be from Kentucky? Oh yeah and Eugene is freakishly strong. In case you don’t remember don’t worry, the announcers will tell you every 38 seconds. HHH shoves Lillian down so Eugene helps her up but gets beaten on for his trouble.

HHH fakes a knee injury, prompting the referee to throw up the fake X. It’s pretty good I think though, as it is pretty good as a way to fool the marks in the audience. HHH jumps Eugene and immediately the crowd starts cheering him, which Lawler and Ross try to pass off as just due to the Canadian fans being bizarre. The thing that I forgot to mention was that the fans absolutely hated Eugene.

The problem was simple: he was used WAY too much. When he debuted he was a character that a lot of people actually liked. It was something that hadn’t been done this well before and the fact that he was actually a very good worker helped things a lot as well. The problem was that they screwed it up the same way they screwed up Santino.

He’s fine in small doses, maybe once a week, but there was a Raw where Eugene was in 6 separate segments and the fans just got sick of the sight of him. His character was never meant to be involved in serious storylines but they did it anyway. The WWE formula has long since been if a little bit of something works, then a lot of it will work a lot better, which simply isn’t the case and hardly ever is.

It certainly wasn’t here, and it never clicked in the WWE’s eyes. They blamed Eugene for not being able to get over, since the booking of WWE can never be wrong can it? Either way, it bombed bad after this, even to the point of them trying to turn him heel, which also failed completely. You can tell HHH is younger here. He’s only an eight time world champion. Eugene does other people’s moves, such as the Rock Bottom.

He goes for the People’s Elbow, but HHH has had enough of this bull of stealing moves, and he lets Eugene know about it by nailing him with a AA spinebuster. Lawler gets in a good line about Eugene: he wasn’t even his mother’s favorite and he’s an only child. I forgot to mention: Eugene is Bischoff’s nephew which is why he’s around at all. Eugene actually Hulks Up before flipping HHH off and stunning him as the fans are cheering for some guy named boo.

Flair comes out as Eugene kicks HHH in the face and drops a leg on him. This is stupider than words can describe. He even gets a pedigree but Flair saves him. The referee throws Flair out and Regal nails him with knuckles. HHH takes the time to hit the pedigree and end this finally.

Rating: D. Again, it comes down to this: HHH IS BEATING UP EUGENE. The fans hated him, the match was too long, it’s not believable, and the feud was just bad. It was complete overkill for the character and after this, aside from a tag title run that ended in injury, he never did anything else in WWE. This was just a waste of 15 minutes and I can’t believe this was all they could come up with for HHH.

Diva Dodge Ball

Yes, it’s the girls from the Diva Search, most of whom got hired, against the established divas in a game of dodge ball at the Raptors’ practice facility. Oh and look they’re all wearing bras and shorts.

Here are the rosters if you’re interested: Amy Weber, Joy Giovanni, Tracie Wright (never hired), Maria (hot as a dirty blonde), Christy and Michelle (pre plastic surgery) vs. Victoria, Gail Kim, Jazz, Stacy, Molly and Nidia. That right there shows how stupid the Diva Search was. All but one of the 6 finalists got jobs anyway. Apparently Trish is the captain. The Diva Search girls win.

Rating: F-. This was a waste of time and was for 12 year olds. I hate stuff like this. They actually wasted 5 minutes on this, and yet we get no recap for the Smackdown title match.

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Undertaker

We get literally no backstory here as they say these two are having a match and then the lights go out. Yeah that’s great guys. Basically, Taker just said he wanted a title shot and got one. This was just after JBL had won the belt so I think this was his first feud as champion. No one, and I mean no one, bought him as champion because literally this is how it went: Eddie wins title, JBL debuts as the rich guy, challenges, challenges again, wins title.

There was no buildup to his character at all. He had been Bradshaw for years now and all of a sudden he’s a self made millionaire and apparently has been for many years? Yeah, we’re just going to believe that I guess. It was just completely from left field and no one wanted to see him as top heel and it followed him for years as a stigma about him, which I think was unfair and should be blamed more on the bookers.

Until this, his career highlight was 6 days or so as European Champion, and now he’s challenging for the world title as a DiBiase rip off? Starting to see why this didn’t work for about two years? Taker’s entrance as always is awesome as he more or less walks through a tunnel of fire. Apparently JBL attacked Taker on Smackdown a few days ago. Thanks for that great story Cole. Taker is back to the Dead Man now.

JBL still has the big white limp with the horns. He’s accompanied by Orlando Jordan, somehow even more of a waste of space. I think I hate Nick Patrick. He’s just annoying as a referee. JBL is wearing orange/red tights that are just a complete and utter failure. Tazz says he’s not sure how to beat the Undertaker. I thought a pin would work fine but maybe there are separate rules for him. JBL actually goes up top and hits a flying shoulder block that looked pretty good.

Old School connects, which actually is vintage, and Cole reminds us of that. Jordan gets kicked in the head but JBL gets a shot into the knee to end any offense that Taker was on. The fans start doing the wave. I don’t know if that’s a cultural thing, but I’ve always found it rude. It’s not like the match is terrible or anything. If I’m one of the guys in the ring, then I don’t like the fact that the fans are apparently not interested in my match but are interested in throwing their hands up for no apparent reason.

JBL hits the clothesline and of course Taker kicks out of it since that move just completely sucks. Since this is a Taker match, the referee gets bumped and since it’s Nick Patrick, he stays down for about two days. In between we have all kinds of interference and finishers, including a standard clothesline that is called the finisher, which stuns Cole that Taker more or less pops up from it. Well DUH.

Taker does the power bomb out of the corner spot that he beat HHH with at Mania 17, but as he goes for the tombstone, Jordan tries to hit him with the belt. Taker does it instead and the referee wakes up just in time to DQ him. Post match, we get the best spot of the show as Taker beats JBL onto the limo then chokeslams him through the roof.

The spot is ok, but it’s great because it led to one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen that I wish I could find a picture of. JBL is in a halo and more or less has his hat tied to his head. It’s funnier than it sounds.

Rating: B-. This was ok I guess, although I think everyone knew Taker wouldn’t get the title off of JBL immediately. There was a rematch two months later at No Mercy that was ok I suppose. This feud was just filler until Cena was truly ready to go, so nothing of note happened here. It was fine though.

Wrestlemania 21 is in LA.

Raw World Title-Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit

At the time, Orton was doing the thing where he was like look at me and bow to my greatness. He won a battle royal to get this shot, but that’s not important enough to be told. Fink has mic issues, which Jerry plays off by saying that even Fink is choked up. Ok so they do cover the battle royal thing, but dang did they take long enough? Benoit of course gets a huge pop. I think Lawler has a crush on Orton.

He says that Orton could be a model for statues. Dang Jerry just go blow him already. Test of strength is more or less a tossup. The first good part of this match is these two using all kinds of wrestling holds. It’s very interesting to see Orton working very well on the mat as that’s certainly not something you see from him very often. Granted it may be Benoit making him look good, but at least Randy is capitalizing on it.

Benoit hooks the Sharpshooter and you’d think everyone had been given money, food and sex. Good lord they blew up over it. It’s countered and Benoit’s shoulder is hurt, so the VIPER strikes on it. Did you know Orton is a viper now? Not sure if that caught on, but Orton is a viper! This is a good back and forth match so far. Benoit hits the suicide dive to the floor but Orton moves.

Benoit slams into the wall in an absolutely sick looking spot. I don’t know if that was planned or not but if not then goodness. Actually if yes then goodness as well. It’s time to chinlock it up as every Orton match comes complete with one. It’s like the toy in a Happy Meal, just not as entertaining. They do a double cross body, which looks awesome too. These two can work really well together actually. They go back and forth even longer and another Sharpshooter is put on.

Oddly enough there’s been limited Crossface attempts. However, I think that’s the best way to go as it wouldn’t make sense for Benoit to try it. Why should he? He’s worked the back and knees all match so why would he, a thinking wrestler, go for the neck and shoulder? He doesn’t and to me that’s a sign of a great wrestler. Finishing moves are fine, but they should make sense.

That’s one thing Ric Flair was always great at. Watch his matches and his offense, or at least 90% of it is either basic offense or working on the legs. That makes such perfect sense and it fits that he uses it like that. He never focused on the neck or back or anything like that, and he shouldn’t have. Benoit goes up and tries the headbutt, but Orton I think tries to roll out of the way.

Either way, the top of his head rams into Benoit’s head and it just looked painful. Just as soon as I type that big long rant about how smart Benoit is, we get the crossface, which I guess I see why that is done in this case because nothing else has worked, so he puts it on him and cranks for all he’s got as a last ditch effort.

Anyway, Orton gets the ropes and in one of my favorite finishes ever, Benoit tries for the Crossface again but Orton gets behind him and nails the RKO for the quick pin and the title. If it tells you anything about the match, the fans give them a standing ovation. The look on Orton’s face is just perfect as he’s completely stunned and it looks like he’s saying did I really just do that? Lawler’s orgasm could stop a drought.

Orton celebrates with the title as Benoit comes back in. He sticks out his hand and shouts for Orton to be a man. Orton shakes his hand as Benoit’s music plays us out. To be fair, he leaves and lets Orton be alone in the ring as he should be. The problem here though is the next night they had another great match for free on Raw. That match still haunts us today though, as it officially kicked off HHH vs. Randy Orton.

Yes, that was the night where Orton was kicked out of Evolution. Note: THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO, and they’re still feuding. The whole cool moment was wasted too, as Orton had the title a mere four weeks, losing his first title defense to, who else, HHH at Unforgiven.

HHH would hold it until Mania where he would drop it to Batista. I hate that as it’s more of HHH dominating the belt while another young guy has a short feud after being built up as the young phenom so well, but that’s Raw booking in 04 for you.

Rating: A. This was a great match. They were back and forth the whole time and while I don’t think anyone expected Orton to win, I think it fit really well as Benoit just couldn’t beat him no matter how hard he tried. It made Orton look like the better man and that’s how it should have been done. This is a very good match that you should check out if you haven’t seen it before.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is really up and down all night between decent stuff and flat out boring stuff. The main event is by far the best match of the show, but that’s not really a surprise. Eddie and Angle is something I definitely could see going either way but it just didn’t do it in my case.

JBL and Taker I thought was good but not great. The opening two matches were good enough, but HHH and Eugene along with the divas thing were just horrid to say the least. I’ll recommend it, but have a remote ready to fast forward some stuff.