IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 16,697
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re getting close to the end of the run here with only three shows left. Tonight we’ve got the Rumble of course along with Undertaker defending against Mysterio and Sheamus defending against Orton. I remember really liking this one as the new generation had arrived and was rising up the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Road to Wrestlemania is beginning and how it determines what happens for months to come. This is called the most star studded Rumble ever, which is a tagline that has been used before.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Christian is defending and man that ECW ring announcer has an annoying voice. Regal is with Jackson here. According to Striker, Jackson went to Columbia Law School. Now there’s a factoid that fell through the cracks. Jackson shoves Christian into the corner and then does it again into the ropes so the champion slaps him in the face. After a brief chase, Christian dropkicks Jackson out to the floor.

The springboard plancha takes Jackson out and we head back in. Christian finally gets caught in the corner and pounded on before having the Killswitch easily blocked. Instead Christian chokes away on the ropes and hits another shot to the face. Jackson throws Christian to the floor where Regal tries to throw him back in, earning himself an ejection. Off to a neck crank back inside which Jackson picks up into a kind of cobra clutch slam for two.

A vertical suplex gets two for Big Zeke and it’s time for more choking. A sunset flip is easily blocked by Jackson and it’s back to the chinlock. Striker tries to figure out what a peep is, as he knows it as a something made of chocolate. Some shots to the face get Christian out of trouble for awhile, or at least until a clothesline to the back of the head gets two.

Jackson hooks both of Christian’s arms back for another hold before putting the champion on top. The superplex is blocked and Christian hits a top rope back elbow for two (LOVE that move). Jackson’s big clothesline misses and a middle rope dropkick gets two for the champion. A spinwheel kick gets two on Jackson but a swan dive misses and gives Zeke a near fall as does a backbreaker.

The tornado DDT gets ANOTHER two for Christian so Jackson takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to a sleeper from Christian when the Killswitch doesn’t work but Jackson counters into a powerslam position to ram Christian’s back into the buckle. Christian slides down Jackson’s back and grabs the Killswitch out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. Trim two minutes out of this and it goes WAY up in quality. The period of near falls went on too long without getting any significant heat from the crowd. Jackson would get the title in a little over two weeks on the final episode of ECW because if there’s one man that should be the final ECW Champion, it’s a musclehead that could barely get through a five minute match most of the time.

Cryme Tyme come in to try to get a second spot in the Rumble from Teddy and Tiffany. Khali says “no dice homeslice” to selling their spot because he’s keeping it real. Apparently he’s learned his English from Family Matters (Singh’s words, not mine). Ok then. Anyway US Champion the Miz comes in and laughs which causes him to have to defend against MVP.

Orton is in the back when Cody Rhodes comes in. He’s there for Randy in the title match tonight but that’s not all. Apparently DiBiase isn’t in on this because his mind is on winning the Rumble and taking the title from Orton.

US Title: The Miz vs. MVP

A quick clothesline gets two for MVP and he works on the champ’s ribs to start. Miz gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down but MVP comes right back with a belly to back suplex for two. They head to the floor for this gem from Striker: “Miz is one of the most recognizable faces on this planet.” I don’t think Miz is one of the most recognizable faces in this match.

Back in and Miz sends MVP to the apron and gets kicked into the table on the floor. Not that this is treated like anything of note because the announcers are laughing about Sherri Shepard from The View. Miz sends shoulders into MVP’s ribs in the corner followed by the running corner clothesline. A top rope double ax gets two for Miz and we hit the chinlock.

After that eats up some time, MVP pounds away with all of his usual stuff. Ballin hits and a running boot to the side of the head gets two for the challenger. A big shoulder block gets the same for MVP but he misses a running boot in the corner. MVP grabs three straight quick near falls but gets caught in a small package for the pin to keep the title on Miz.

Rating: D+. If there was a reason for this to be on PPV other than the show was running short, I don’t know what it was. Miz didn’t look like anything special out there but somehow he would be world champion a year later. MVP on the other hand would be out of the WWE but he did well enough in Japan. Nothing to see here other than a filler match.

Post match MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz and gets booed LOUDLY. He lost completely clean so the booing is deserved.

Show and Jericho, the former tag team champions, run into each other. Show accuses him of being jealous of the chemistry Show and Miz have but Jericho brushes it off. He calls the crowd gelatinous worms before pointing out all of the similarities he and Miz have. Show says he’ll throw both Miz and Jericho out to win the Rumble. R-Truth pops up and says he’ll do the same. Show leaves Jericho standing there much to Jericho’s chagrin.

DiBiase wishes Orton luck and says he’s got Randy’s back. Orton asks where Cody is but DiBiase doesn’t know. This was during the time when Legacy was about to die and both members were trying to get on Randy’s best side. DiBiase claims that Rhodes only wants to win the Rumble but Orton has heard enough. He doesn’t want anyone’s help and gets a clear face pop in response.

The National Guard is here.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus won the title in a shocker last month at TLC and is heel here. He’s also still not that good and wouldn’t really hit his stride for about a year and a half. They stare at each other to start and my goodness is Sheamus pale. A dropkick puts the champion down but he comes right back with a running ax handle. Sheamus gets in a shot to the arm and we head to the floor where said arm is sent into the steps.

Back in and Orton goes for the knee and things slow down a bit. Orton wouldn’t really pick up the pace of his offense until about the following year which made his matches pretty hard to sit through. Sheamus comes back by sending Orton’s shoulder into the post twice and hitting some shoulder blocks in the corner. That gets him nowhere though as Orton takes out the knee again and knocks Sheamus to the floor.

They head inside again and yet AGAIN momentum shifts back to Sheamus as he hits a DDT on the arm for two. Off to an armbar for a bit before they slug it out to the boo/yay chants. Orton wins the slugout but walks into the Irish Curse for two. The High Cross is escaped and Orton kicks Sheamus in the head to send him to the outside. Orton gets ready for the RKO but Rhodes jumps the guardrail and blasts Sheamus in the back before running away. The referee sees it though and despite Orton hitting the RKO, he’s disqualified and Sheamus keeps the title. Lame ending to a pretty lame match.

Rating: D+. Like I said, Sheamus just wasn’t very good yet. He was still this big imposing brawler who pounded on people and that’s about it. There was indeed a story in the match but it wasn’t a very entertaining one as they just kept beating on each other’s limbs but when there’s no difference because of the beating, the story doesn’t work. The ending didn’t help either but it did set up something in the future.

Post match Orton snaps on Cody as DiBiase comes down to save his partner. While Orton yells at Cody in the corner, Sheamus comes back in and lays out Randy with a Brogue Kick.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool. This was an awkward feud as Mickie won the title shot in a triple threat and then Laycool made fun of Mickie for being fat. This is of course odd as Mickie is a professional athlete and gorgeous and would only be called fat by a crazy person. It’s also pretty disturbing when you consider how WWE pushes the Divas as role models. The final bit of it was a segment where Mickie got beaten down and covered in food.

Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Pre match Michelle runs her mouth about how fat Mickie is and accuses her of skipping out on the match. Michelle offers cake and here’s Layla in a Mickie Pig costume. The real Mickie sprints to the ring and hits a Thesz Press on Layla on the floor. She heads inside, sends Michelle into Layla and hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title in 20 seconds.

Post match the other Divas bring out a cake and smash it into Laycool’s faces.

We recap Mysterio vs. Undertaker. Rey won the shot by slamming a cage door onto Batista’s head to escape because that’s what heroes do. Taker said he’ll show no mercy on Mysterio so Rey uses the same line everyone does on Taker: he isn’t afraid. Batista beat up Mysterio as well, claiming that Undertaker and the world title was his.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

Shawn is watching in the back when Kane comes in and says Shawn’s obsession with Taker is unhealthy. This is KANE calling something unhealthy. He warns Shawn to cool it with Taker because it won’t end well. Kane leaves and HHH comes in. Shawn apologizes for whatever happened on Raw which apparently isn’t important enough to specify. HHH agrees Shawn vs. Taker is meant to be, but it won’t be by wining the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers time:

23 Winners

627 entrants eliminated

36 eliminations by Austin

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

2002 was the last Rumble in Atlanta

62:12 Rey was in the Rumble in 2006

2 seconds was the record for 20 years until Santino broke it last year

3 wins for Austin

2 win for #1, the same as #30

70% of the winners win at Mania

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is #1 and Evan Bourne is #2. Bourne snaps off a headscissors to start and follows up with a spinwheel kick to take Dolph down. Ziggler comes back with the Zig Zag but can’t throw Evan out. Bourne decks Ziggler and hits Air Bourne as CM Punk of the Straightedge Society is #3. He slams the other two guys’ heads together and dumps them out one after the other. Punk gets a mic and says that tonight is the greatest night in the history of the Straightedge Society. These two are just the first of 29 men who will challenge him, but they can be saved.

The clock starts running down, so Punk gives us the line of the night: “Excuse me, it’s clobberin time.” JTG is #4 and after a few clotheslines, he poses like an idiot in the corner and gets dumped. Punk gets the mic again and says that not everyone can be saved because they don’t have his dedication. Great Khali is #5 and Punk immediately says he can make Khali greater by saving him. He asks Khali to raise his hand for the Straightedge Pledge but Khali lowers the hand onto Punk’s head for the chop.

There’s the Khali Vice and in less than 90 seconds, Beth Phoenix of all people is #6. She stares down Khali and gets picked up and placed on the apron. Beth kisses Khali but in the process pulls him over the top to eliminate him. Phoenix gets back in and BEATS UP PUNK, only to get caught in a GTS to the chest. Would that really knock her out? Before she’s dumped out, here’s Zack Ryder at #7.

As Ryder gets in, Punk grabs the mic and says Zack has potential. PREACH IT BROTHER! Punk starts offering him a spot but his Ryder with the mic before he gets done with it. The fans are going nuts for Punk now and there goes Ryder. Punk talks about how great he is and wants to know who is next, but whoever it is, they’re inferior to Punk. In at #8 is HHH as we enter the second segment of the Rumble.

They stare each other down and HHH starts punching. The facebuster has Punk staggered and a spinebuster puts him down as Drew McIntyre is #9. That gives us a tag champion in HHH and the IC Champion in Drew at the moment. HHH is looking a bit flabby here. He hits the high knee on McIntyre and escapes the GTS to eliminate Punk. DiBiase is #10 as we’re flying through this.

HHH gets double teamed down in the corner until John Morrison, the guy that lost the title to McIntyre, is #11. He takes both heels down and pounds away on them before hitting a jumping DDT on Drew. Starship Pain almost completely misses Drew and HHH clotheslines John down. Kane is #12 and comes in with the top rope clothesline to HHH. There’s a double chokeslam to McIntyre and Morrison before Kane tries to dump DiBiase.

Rhodes is #13 and saves Ted as he comes in. Morrison is sent to the apron and springboards back in, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Legacy goes after Kane but HHH saves him for no apparent reason. Cody saves himself from being eliminated and MVP is #14. Miz runs up behind him though and blasts MVP with the US Title. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on McIntyre to break up the Future Shock on Kane. HHH is in trouble in the corner and MVP is carried to the back.

Carlito is #15 and the ring is starting to get full. There’s a Backstabber to HHH and one for Drew and Ted as well. Miz is #16 and hits a quick Finale on Carlito. Cue MVP to clothesline Miz out and eliminate himself in the process. Matt Hardy is #17 and lasts about 20 seconds before Kane puts him out. HHH immediately dumps Kane too and the ring is a lot more empty all of a sudden.

HHH starts laying out everyone and Shawn is #18. Carlito is backdropped out, Rhodes and DiBiase are tossed, Morrison gets dumped, and DX puts out McIntyre to get us down to DX. Before anything can happen though, Cena is #19 to get us to the final third of the match. Cena cleans house and hits a double Shuffle before getting caught in the Pedigree. Out of nowhere Shawn superkicks HHH out to pop the crowd BIG.

Shelton Benjamin in that stupid gold period is #20. He hits Paydirt on both guys but gets dumped by Cena in less than 50 seconds. Yoshi Tatsu is #21 and doesn’t even make it 30 seconds. Big Show is #22 and Cena is shaken. Big Show RUNS down to the ring and house is cleaned. Shawn and Cena try to eliminate each other but Show pulls Shawn back in for some reason. What’s up with that tonight?

Mark Henry is #23 and we get a quick battle of the giant. Who would think those two would have a world title feud a year and a half later and be REALLY popular? Henry slams Show and falls on Cena as he tries an AA. Show spears Henry down and Chris Masters is #24. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show and gets dumped for his efforts. Now Henry goes after Show but Shawn breaks it up for some reason. R-Truth is #25 and actually dumps BOTH big guys. There’s something you wouldn’t expect.

Truth hits a Stroke on Cena and Jack Swagger is #26. All three guys get Vader Bombs and Swagger goes old school with a very slow Oklahoma Stampede. Jack knocks Michaels to the apron but can’t get the elimination. Kingston is #27 and cleans house on Swagger, hitting the Boom Drop and dumping him out with a nice leverage move. Truth puts Kofi on the apron but gets pulled out by a reverse headscissors.

Jericho is #28 but after cleaning about half the house, Cena grabs an AA to put him down. Shawn adds the top rope elbow and tunes up the band but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to take him out. Cena dumps Kofi but walks into a Codebreaker. Everyone is down and EDGE makes his big return at #29. That’s rather brilliant instead of waiting for the big surprise at #30, we get a SWERVE that actually makes sense.

Everyone gets a spear and Jericho is out. Edge is back about six months early and it’s Edge-O-Matics all around. Batista is #30, giving us a final four of Shawn, Cena, Edge and Batista. Not bad at all. It’s power all around but Edge spears him down. Everyone is down now Shawn gets up first and hits the forearm on Cena followed by the nipup.

Shawn slams every American in sight and drops the top rope elbow on Cena. Batista takes one too as Edge is still down in the corner. Sweet Chin Music hits Cena and there’s one for Batista as well. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and Michaels superkicks Edge back in, only to get knocked out by Batista. The crowd gasps HUGE at that and Shawn is about to cry. Shawn gets back in and superkicks the referee to vent some frustration. Shawn FINALLY leaves and Cena escapes the Batista Bomb before dumping Batista out. Edge misses the spear but throws out Cena a second later to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is kind of a hard one to grade. They definitely followed the three act structure which helped a lot and the match was VERY fast paced. I mean, the longest anyone was in there was Cena and he barely broke 20 minutes. The problem with that is it doesn’t give anything time to develop. The main story was Shawn which is fine and he would get to Mania at the end of the day anyway. It’s a really fun Rumble but not one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is very solid and the rest has nothing terrible so we’ll call it a good show overall. Things would get a lot more interesting soon after this with the rise of the Nexus and a very solid Wrestlemania. This was also a time of transition for the company as a lot of the guys in this show would be gone by the end of the year. Anyway good show here and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Miz vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

Dang I liked Sheamus a lot more than I thought I did.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/29/royal-rumble-count-up-2010-one-of-the-best-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Tazz

This isn’t so much the Royal Rumble as much as it is HHH and Randy Orton are in a match and 28 other guys happen to be in the ring too. Other than that we have Edge challenging the NEW WWE Champion Jeff Hardy and Cena defending against JBL, who has Shawn Michaels and his crisis of conscience working for him at the moment. This wasn’t the best year for WWE so let’s get to it.

No intro video this year. That’s interesting.

ECW Title: Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Swagger won the title about two weeks ago and this is Hardy’s rematch. We actually get big match intros for this, which is a rare sight for an ECW Title match. Matt takes him into the corner to start before punching Jack in the face. Striker calls that a pugilistic endeavor to sound smart. Another punch sends Swagger to the floor and we head back inside for a clothesline from Matt.

Jack heads to the floor to hide after Matt swings again. Back in and Swagger takes Hardy to the mat and cranks on the arm a bit. Hardy comes back with a dropkick in the corner and a bulldog for two, only to go up and get shoved down to the floor. Back in and Swagger starts in on the arm but Hardy quickly escapes a key lock. A punch to Hardy’s arm blocks a clothesline and a big boot gets two for the champion.

Back to the key lock as Jack stays on the arm. He lifts Hardy off the mat by the arm a few times as the fans cheer for the challenger. Matt fights back but he’s basically fighting with one arm here. A bulldog puts Jack down for two and a middle rope elbow to Swagger’s back gets the same.

Hardy walks into a belly to belly suplex from Jack for two though and both guys are down. A DDT on the arm gets two for the champion but Matt blocks a belly to back superplex. Matt hits a decent looking moonsault for two and the fans are getting into these kickouts. The Twist is countered and Jack sends Matt shoulder and possibly head first into the post. The Swagger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: B-. Better match than I was expecting here with both guys looking good out there. Matt was getting close to being something decent as a singles guy and this was his way off ECW and onto Smackdown. Swagger would go on to win a world title and shock the world in the process before falling through the floor soon after. Solid opener here.

Orton arrives and gets glared at.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Melina gets on Beth’s shoulders again but Beth shoves her down in a crash. A running Umaga attack in the corner puts Melina down again and Beth is in full control. In a freaky looking move, Beth grabs Melina’s leg in a kind of ankle lock position and bends the leg forward to make Melina kick herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Melina escapes a gorilla press and fires off some forearms before getting two off a sunset flip. Two knees into Beth’s back have her staggered and a hair drag gets two. Out of nowhere, Melina grabs a spinning rollup for the pin and the title. As sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here and the girls looked good so I can’t complain much. That leg lock thing of Beth’s was SICK and it’s one of those moves that just looks painful all around. At the end of the day though, does it matter who has either of the female belts? They’re completely interchangeable and this one was retired the next year.

We recap JBL vs. Cena, which is basically the Shawn Michaels Story. Basically the story went that Shawn was crushed by the financial crash and JBL offered to hire him to help win the title. Shawn helped JBL win a #1 contenders match and the question is will he screw over Cena tonight and compromise his morals? There was a VERY real argument to be made for Shawn vs. JBL at Mania for the title, so this wasn’t a layup. The problem with this story is still there though: Shawn is a world class wrestler with the top company in the world….and he’s broke? He may have lost his savings but he’s not unemployed.

JBL tells Shawn is he wins the title tonight, Shawn is free with a huge payday and he can be in the Rumble tonight, which at the moment he isn’t. Bradshaw leaves and Taker shows up, saying that sometimes it’s a nightmare getting to Heaven.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Cena is defending in case you skipped the previous parts. We get the big match intros here and even a weapons check for old times’ sake. Cena takes him to the mat with a headlock to start but JBL counters into one of his own. A shoulder block puts JBL down and out to the floor as we take a breather. JBL whispers something to Shawn before heading back inside for some clubbing forearms to the back.

Cena slams him down for two though and we’re still in the early stages. JBL heads to the floor again but this time Cena goes after him. He runs into Shawn though and stops cold, allowing JBL to get in a shot to take over. Shawn didn’t move at all. Back in with JBL in control and a standing clothesline gets two. Presumably that one was only from Hoboken.

Off to a chinlock from the challenger as we keep things at JBL’s slow pace. A side slam gets two on Cena and he rolls out to the apron. Layfield knocks him to the floor and then sends him into the stairs for two back inside. Cena fights out of a superplex attempt and hits the top rope Fameasser for two of his own. The champ initiates his finishing sequence with all of his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Shawn hasn’t been a factor in the first nine minutes or so of the match.

JBL escapes the AA but gets caught in the STF instead. Shawn starts grabbing the ropes but doesn’t do anything. Cena lets go of the hold anyway, allowing JBL to kick Cena to the floor. JBL’s Clothesline gets two so he glares at Shawn for some reason. A quick AA attempt misses and JBL kicks the referee down by mistake. The Johns double clothesline each other and it’s time for the big moment.

Shawn gets in the ring and is staring at both guys. Both guys get up and Shawn superkicks John. As in the challenger/him employer. He also kicks the champion/the guy he was hired to take out before leaving. Shawn puts JBL’s arm across Cena, causing the fans to chant for the champ. Another referee comes out and gets a two count for Layfield and both guys get up. Cena hits a quick AA on JBL to retain.

Rating: C-. The match itself was pretty dull but the drama worked well enough to make up for it. At the end of the day, JBL simply wasn’t good enough at this point to hang in a world title match. Cena had to tone it WAY down to let JBL keep up with him and it showed badly. Still though, Shawn more than makes up for it and would go on to have a masterpiece with Taker at Mania so all is well and good.

We recap Edge vs. Hardy. Hardy shocked the world (including me) at Armageddon by winning the title, but a few weeks later he started having a string of “accidents” including having pyro go off in his face and nearly getting killed by a crazy driver. Everyone blamed Edge but he denied responsibility. The question is who is behind all this stuff. Hardy hasn’t had a match that I know of in the meantime. I went to a house show during this period and Hardy didn’t wrestle.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Vickie makes it No DQ for no apparent reason and Chavo is in Edge’s corner because he’s familia. Jeff spears Edge into the corner to start and pounds away as fast as he can. The fans almost immediately start chanting WE WANT CHRISTIAN. Now remember that line as I’ll get back to it later on. Christian had left TNA and word hadn’t broken yet on if he had signed with WWE yet (I don’t think). Anyway, Jeff tries to bring in a chair but Edge kicks it out of his hands before it gets inside.

Hardy pounds away but Edge gets in a shot to take over for the first time. Edge sends him to the floor but can’t hit a baseball slide, allowing Hardy to hit a clothesline off the apron. Back in and Jeff tries a springboard but gets kicked down to the floor for the third time. Edge rams him into various hard objects including tables and the barricade and then another table.

We head back inside again with Edge in full control including a spear in the corner. Jeff grabs a quick two off a sunset flip but gets clotheslined right back down. Off to a body vice by Edge to slow things down a bit. Jeff fights up and hits a mule kick before going up top, only to jump into a dropkick from Edge for two. Now Edge goes to get two chairs but Jeff spears him down off the apron before it can be brought in.

Edge gets back to the apron but gets pulled down into a Twist of Fate onto said apron, sending both guys down onto the floor. Since it’s Jeff vs. Edge, here’s a ladder. Jeff spreads Edge out on the table but Chavo climbs up to slow Jeff down. Edge moves, so Jeff hits a HUGE splash to put Chavo through the table instead. Back in and Jeff gets two off a high cross body. Edge gets up first and pulls a buckle off, only to get caught in the Whisper in the Wind for two.

Out of nowhere Edge counters the Twist into a DDT for a very close two. We’re pretty clearly in the final stages of this match which means it’s getting awesome. Edge counters the slingshot dropkick into a kind of hot shot into the exposed buckle for ANOTHER two. The spear is countered into a Twist of Fate so Jeff goes up. After kicking Vickie away, the Swanton hits but Vickie pulls the referee out. Cue Matt to send Vickie into the ring and pick up a chair. To the shock of a lot of people, Matt cracks Jeff with the chair to give Edge of all people the world title.

Rating: B. This too awhile to get going but once they hit their stride they started acting like Edge and Jeff Hardy in a big match. The No DQ stuff wasn’t needed here but it made things work a bit better. At the end of the day, these two work best when they can turn off the rules and go nuts, which is what they did here.

Now remember earlier that I mentioned Christian. He was originally supposed to be in Matt’s spot, setting up a reunion with Edge. However, WWE felt the fans figured this out so we got Matt in his place. This also happened in 2012 with Sheamus winning the Rumble instead of Jericho. Based on this theory, Shawn should have kept the title at Wrestlemania 14 because almost everyone knew that Austin was winning.

That makes no sense and I don’t get what they think this is accomplishing. It didn’t work out well for Russo and it won’t work out for the WWE. Matt vs. Jeff didn’t work at the end of the day, mainly because I don’t think people wanted to see them fight. I’ll give them this: they did come up with a logical reason for Matt to turn so it’s not a terrible idea. It just wasn’t the best option they had.

Orton says he’ll win. Jericho pops in to thank Orton for punting Vince on Monday but Randy will probably get fired for it.

Rumble by the numbers which is roughly the same as the previous year.

Royal Rumble

Mysterio is #1 and Morrison is #2. Rey kicks him in the face a few times to start but gets put on the apron for trying his sitout bulldog. A springboard cross body puts Morrison down and there’s a big headscissors to take Morrison down. John gets sent to the apron but hangs on by the top rope, even when Mysterio dropkicks him in the ribs. Carlito is #3 and is the second tag champion in here along with Morrison. Those titles would be unified at Mania.

Rey tries a standing moonsault but gets caught in a modified swinging neckbreaker instead. Carlito hits a gorgeous double jump moonsault to take Morrison down and stomping ensues. MVP, currently on a winning streak after losing forever, is #4. There’s Ballin on Morrison and a facebuster to Carlito. Rey get sent to the apron but he saves himself almost immediately.

Great Khali with the awesome dance music is #5. Everybody gets a chop and Khali poses a bit. Mysterio tries to springboard onto him and Carlito tries a Backstabber, both to no avail. Kozlov is #6 and immediately headbutts Khali out by himself. MVP misses a running kick in the corner and he’s gone too (BIG heat on Vlad for that). Carlito is gone after jumping into a spinebuster and Mysterio looks to be up next, but heeeeeeeeeere’s HHH at #7.

Since no one else can get a good match out of Kozlov, you know HHH is going to try his hand at him. They stare each other down and Kozlov hits the headbutt to take him down. The facebuster stuns Kozlov and HHH throws him out wise ease. It’s HHH, Morrison and Mysterio in there at the moment with Rey chilling in the corner. The knee to the face puts Morrison down and Orton is #8.

The battle of Evolution continues and the backbreaker puts HHH down. Both finishers are countered with Morrison breaking up the Pedigree. Rey hits a seated senton on Orton and the 619 on Morrison before JTG is in at #9. Orton tries to put Mysterio out as people start pairing off. Ted DiBiase, as in one of Orton’s lackeys, is #10. Mysterio and DiBiase immediately fight to the apron with Rey doing some gymnastics to stay alive.

Jericho is #11 and goes right for Orton. He can’t get him out so there’s a Lionsault to HHH instead. Jericho is knocked to the apron and Mike Knox is #12. Orton and DiBiase focus on JTG as Knox beats on Rey. HHH saves the masked dude for no apparent reason and Miz is #13. He goes right after JTG and hits something like the Skull Crushing Finale before going after the Game.

Morrison and Mysterio team up on Orton but John and Miz both take RKOs. There’s one for JTG but HHH hits a Pedigree to stop Randy dead. HHH dumps Miz and Morrison to prove how awesome he is and Finlay is #14. Jericho backdrops Mysterio to the floor but he lands on Morrison and hops onto Miz to get back to the ring. Finlay beats on everyone in the ring until Cody Rhodes, the other of Orton’s goons, is #15.

We currently have Mysterio, HHH, Orton, JTG, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay and Rhodes. Legacy (the collective name of the trio) starts picking off people one at a time, starting with Finlay. They don’t actually put anyone out but they get to beat on everyone at least. Rey dives at Orton but gets caught in an RKO in a nice counter. The Undertaker is #16 and here come the punches. His only victim at this point is JTG to clear the ring out a bit.

Goldust of all people is in at #17 and immediately goes for DiBiase. Rhodes pulls his real life brother (Goldust) off so Goldie sends him to the apron a few times. That’s as far as he can get though as an RKO puts Goldust down and Rhodes gets to dump him out. Punk is #18 and happens to be the IC Champion at this point. There’s a GTS for HHH as RKO works on Y2J. Mysterio gets sent to the apron by Knox and Finlay works on Taker.

Mark Henry is #19 and throws a lot of people around but can’t get anybody out. Shelton Benjamin is #20 to fill the ring up even more. Jericho and Punk go up top for no apparent reason other than for Shelton to charge the corner and hit a kind of double DDT to bring them both back down. Billy Regal is #21 and goes right for Punk, who beat him for the IC Title a week or so again.

Mysterio dumps Henry off camera to thankfully get someone out of the ring. HHH is upside down in the corner but he winds up sitting on the apron. Here’s Kofi at #22 to speed things up as well as he can with so many people around him. Taker dumps Benjamin and Kane is #23. After beating up a few people he stares his brother down before they start working together to chokeslam some people.

Punk pulls Regal out and brags about it without getting thrown out. R-Truth is #24 and nothing happens. Rob Van Dam makes a one night only return at #25 after not having been seen in the WWE in about a year and a half. That at least wakes the crowd up but there are too many people in there for his style of stuff to work. He loads up the Five Star but Truth is too close so he has to bail out in mid air.

The Brian Kendrick is #26 back when he was actually a big deal. To show how big he is, he manages to dump Kofi and get thrown out by HHH in about fifteen seconds. Dolph Ziggler gets lucky #27 but only lasts about six seconds longer than Kendrick with Kane getting the point. Your future World Heavyweight Champion ladies and gentlemen. Santino is #28 and breaks Warlord’s record of two seconds in the Rumble by being clotheslined out by Kane before he can even stand up straight.

Jim Duggan makes his token Rumble appearance at #29 and he punches everything in sight, including knocking the Dead Man down. Big Show is #30, giving us a final group of Mysterio, HHH, Orton, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Undertaker, Punk, Kane, R-Truth, RVD, Duggan and Big Show, or half the field in the entire match. Nearly everyone goes after him at once but it’s Duggan that gets tossed instead.

Jericho tries to put a sleeper on Show but it gets about as far as you would expect. Taker throws Punk to the apron as Show dumps Truth. Punk fires off some kicks and hangs on three times so Show finally knocks him out cold and out to the floor. Show knocks out Knox and Mysterio as Horny gets in for no apparent reason. Finlay tries to save him and gets dumped for his efforts at good parenting.

Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Kane and Orton hits the Elevated DDT on HHH. Taker and Show have their required staredown and RVD hits the Five Star on Orton. Jericho comes up behind Van Dam to dump him while Rob holds his ribs. That’s his last WWE appearance to date. Chris turns around and sees Taker who tosses him with glee. Legacy teams up to put Kane out and we’re down to Taker, Big Show, HHH and Legacy.

The trio surrounds Undertaker as HHH gets chokeslammed. Taker does the same to most of Legacy so the giants punch each other a lot until Show gets knocked to the apron and hangs on with his feet flying off the apron. THAT was cool. Not that it matters anyway as he gets RKO’ed out a few moments later but it still looked good. Show pulls Taker to the floor a minute later because that’s how he rolls.

So as people expected at the time, it’s HHH vs. Legacy for the Rumble. Taker and Show fight into the crowd for no apparent reason. HHH goes after Rhodes first but the numbers catch up with him. He gets beaten down and Orton says pick him up. The RKO is countered though and HHH sends Orton to the apron. There goes DiBiase and Rhodes follows, but Orton sneaks up on HHH and throws him out to win the Rumble.

Rating: D. This was one of the weaker Rumbles there’s ever been. For one thing, it was clear that Orton was going to win no matter what happened. Second and probably more important, they got caught in the classic Rumble trap of having WAY too many people in there at once. They didn’t even try the three act structure here and it showed badly. That’s something Pat Patterson was absolutely amazing at and he was gone by this point.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s clear that the company was in a transitional period here and that makes this a hard one to get through. There’s enough good stuff here to check it out, but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. The only really solid match is Edge vs. Hardy and even that is nothing really worth seeing. This is a rare instance where the Rumble didn’t dictate how the show went as the rest of it is a far easier sit than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Original: B

Redo: B-

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Original: C-

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: C

Redo: C-

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C-

So let me get this straight: every match is literally within a single grade of the original but the original is nearly two grades higher? Dang I was REALLY feeling generous that day. A show with an hour long match that gets a D doesn’t sound like a B+ overall to me.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/28/royal-rumble-count-up-2009-the-voices-tell-me-no-one-but-orton-has-a-chance/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 2004
Location: Labatt Center, London, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Summerslam has come and gone, meaning Randy Orton is the new Raw World Champion. That’s quite the spot for someone as young as he is but it’s WAY past the time that we need a new top heel. The few seconds it took me to write that out are about as much time as I believe Orton will get to enjoy this before HHH, fresh off his mammoth, colossal win over Eugene, decides it’s his show again. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s new World Champion Randy Orton, rocking the heck out of a suit and holding the title as confetti and balloons fall. Orton talks about how no one thought he could do it last night. He survived the Crossface, the Sharpshooter and six straight German suplexes. Now he’s right here in front of you as the youngest WWE Champion in history, meaning more posing. Orton has every 24 year old male stand up and says that’s what the average one looks like.

Now he wants them all to take off their shirts (Orton: “Females you can catch up with me later.”), which makes Orton cringe a bit. It’s true in America too and there’s no way around reality: he is just better than everyone else. Get used to the sight of Orton holding the title while wearing a $3000 suit because the Randy Orton Era has just begun. Cue Chris Benoit and I think you know where this is going. Indeed, Benoit says he’s cashing in his rematch clause tonight and the title is on the line.

Rhyno vs. Sylvan Grenier

If Rhyno wins, he and Tajiri get a Tag Team Title shot at Unforgiven. If Grenier wins, they never get a shot. Rhyno tries for the fast rollup as the confetti continues to fall. A Conway distraction lets Grenier take over, followed by a flag shot to Tajiri on the floor. Grenier takes him down with a flap jack and drops a knee for two before putting on the chinlock. Rhyno fights up and hits the powerslam for two of his own but Conway’s distraction slows things down again. Tajiri has finally had it and mists Grenier, setting up the Gore for the pin.

Rating: D. So they set up a pretty obvious finish and then went straight there after a boring match. La Resistance is still fine for what they’re doing, but they’re not exactly good at lighting up the crowd. Rhyno and Tajiri are perfectly acceptable challengers of the month and that’s enough to keep things along until a good team can take the belts.

Kane and Lita’s wedding is next week with Kane reading an invitation.

Lawler thinks this is hilarious and JR has to yell at him to shut up.

We recap Kane beating Matt Hardy last night to win Lita’s hand in marriage. Still sounds weird no matter how you put it.

Lita is devastated so some of the meaner Divas give her a bridal shower. Molly says that since Lita likes to sleep around, here are some birth control pills and condoms, complete with a singing of the Trojan Man jingle. Gail has a framed picture of Lita and Kane’s first kiss, plus another composite picture of what the baby should look like. Finally, a vibrator (not shown of course but the box shakes) because reasons. I know it’s going to be awhile but they’re doing a good job of making me want to see Lita kill Trish. Lita leaves and Victoria comes in so Trish can yell at her for losing Diva Dodgeball. Victoria slaps her like she should.

Shawn Michaels is coming back and the video gets booed. Canada of course.

Victoria vs. Gail Kim

Victoria starts with a monkey flip into the dancing moonsault for two. A trip to the floor lets Gail get in a few shots to take over as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled. Gail slaps on a Black Widow and takes it to the mat for a little twist on the move. With the match not really being thrilling, the fans go with a YOU SCREWED BRET chant at Earl Hebner to fulfill their requirements. Victoria pops back up and hits Widow’s Peak for the pin.

Rating: D+. That freaky Black Widow alone is enough to bring this up a notch. The rest of the match wasn’t anything to see but in theory this helps set Victoria up as the next challenger to Trish. Gail is at least getting better in the ring, though her charisma still has a long way to go.

Post match Trish and Tyson Tomko come in for the beatdown but the mystery woman (who the fans at home can tell is Stevie Richards and who the fans in the arena can tell is Stevie Richards but who leaves the announcers clueless) comes in for the save.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Edge

Kane is challenging as a wedding present from Bischoff. As a bonus, Kane dedicates this match to Lita in that creepy voice of his. Kane shoves him down to start but misses a big boot, allowing Edge to go after the knee. Edge stays on the leg as Jerry wants Kane and Lita to take a camera along with them on their honeymoon. A standing Figure Four around the post as JR thinks Kane and Lita are registered at Satan R Us for a small chuckle. Lita comes out to watch and we take a break.

Back with Kane hitting a hot shot and slapping on the chinlock. JR continues to rant about the wedding and thank goodness this isn’t the modern commentary team, which would have turned this into a string of insults against each other as they say everyone is stupid. Edge, with confetti on his back, fights up and knocks Kane down with a running forearm.

A basement dropkick puts Kane on the apron and a spear sends him to the apron. Back in and a missile dropkick gives Edge two as Lawler talks about Kane really being the Big Red Machine. Kane goes up top and shoves Edge into the referee but hits the top rope clothesline anyway. Cue Matt Hardy for a Twist of Fate, allowing Edge to hit the spear to retain.

Rating: D+. This hasn’t exactly been a strong night for wrestling. The Kane vs. Lita/Matt story is becoming oddly intriguing and a wedding is always worth something. I’m not sure how much further they can take it but some stories are only supposed to go so far. You need some soap opera style stuff sometimes and this is one of the more entertaining versions.

Post match Lita stays in the ring for some reason and Kane says nothing can make him mad right now. He’s looking forward to consummating the marriage so Lita slaps him. That’s how he likes it though. JR: “Of God almighty no.”

It’s Diva Search time with the girls together in the back. This week, they all got to say which contestant they would vote off and why. These are pre-taped and shown on a monitor.

Michelle would vote off Carmella because she’s busy and only wants another contract rather than a WWE career.

Christy would vote off Carmella because she doesn’t want it.

Maria would vote off Carmella because she doesn’t put the effort in and “acts like a dish rag”.

Tracy would vote off Carmella because she’s not excited enough to be here.

Carmella would vote off Joy she has a husband and babies so it might be hard to make this work.

Amy would vote off Carmella because she doesn’t want to be here and has laughed at the tests. So she’s just like the audience?

Joy would vote off Carmella because she hasn’t been a team player and missed Diva Dodgeball.

The Diva voted off is…Michelle. I’m sure she had no future in wrestling anyway. So Carmella is the heel now, because this thing needed a villain.

Chris Jericho vs. Batista

Flair is here with Batista, who starts with the power in the form of shoulders in the corner. An early comeback is cut off by a Flair trip and Batista forearms Jericho in the back. Jericho is right back with a dropkick and an enziguri into the ropes. A chop block looks to set up the Walls but Batista powers out without much effort. Instead of going after him again, Jericho dropkicks Flair off the apron instead. Flair is fine enough to break up the Lionsault for the DQ though.

Rating: D+. My goodness Orton vs. Benoit better be incredible to make up a lot of the mess so far. Batista isn’t quite as dominant as he was before Summerslam but at least he didn’t take a fall here. Jericho is kind of floating around at the moment and needs something to do, but I’m thinking he’ll be fine no matter what he does.

Post match the beatdown is on with Edge coming out for the save but stopping at ringside instead of getting in. Interesting indeed.

Divas in bikinis again.

HHH tells Orton how important the title is. Anyone would give their arm to get a shot at the title and Orton won it last night. Evolution will be there for the post match celebration.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending and wears the title for an always appreciated visual. Benoit jumps him before the bell and starts in a hurry. A quick elbow drop keeps Orton down, setting up a belly to back suplex for the first two. Orton sends him outside to no avail and gets caught in a release fisherman’s suplex back inside.

A top rope superplex gives Benoit a delayed two and it’s time for more chops. They fall out to the floor and Benoit drops him knee first onto the steps. Back from a break with Orton in the Sharpshooter and finally making the rope for the save, with the fans exhaling all at once. Orton’s knee is fine enough to knock Benoit to the floor for a much needed breather. Benoit gets posted and it’s time to start in on the neck. That of course means the chinlock for a good while before the over the shoulder neckbreaker gets two.

Benoit fights out of the next chinlock with a neckbreaker and they’re both down. Orton’s backbreaker puts Benoit right back down but he misses the high crossbody. The Swan Dive knocks both of them silly and gives Benoit a delayed two as you can tell the fans are into this one. Benoit’s rolling German suplexes set up the Crossface so here’s Evolution for the distraction. That’s enough for the RKO to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another good match from two guys who have chemistry. It’s also fine to have Orton get the pin off the screwy finish as he’s already shown that he can beat Benoit completely clean so it’s not like it hurts anything. They leave a door open for a rematch, but this should be it for Orton vs. Benoit for the time being. He doesn’t have many people left to face though…and you know what’s next.

Post match Evolution celebrates with Orton and puts him on Batista’s shoulders as HHH gives him the thumbs up. That turns into a thumbs down though and Batista drops Orton back so the beatdown can be on. Orton is wrecked and busted open, with HHH holding the title in his face and yelling to end the show. It’s a good angle, even if it’s more HHH greatness. The story makes sense, but my goodness I could go for a break from HHH at the top of the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event and post match angle helped but there was nothing leading up to that. You would think there would have been something a little bit better coming off of Summerslam but at least we got one really good thing. The wedding should be a lot more entertaining next week though and if you couple that with a solid followup from Orton (we should be so lucky), things will be a lot better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

This was the other request so let’s throw up a triple shot this year. The big story here is Jeff Hardy challenging Randy Orton for the Raw World Title. This was set up incredibly well with Hardy being set up as the ultimate underdog who might be able to pull off the miracle. The fans believe in him and it’s an absolutely incredible build that had me dying to see what they did. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features a bunch of wrestlers getting on a subway before going into a history of the Rumble. This year’s show gets some time as well and we cut to a fight in the subway, because wrestlers are going to wrestle.

I love the MSG setup with the entrance opposite the hard camera. It’s the only major arena to do that and it feels special.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

MVP’s US Title isn’t on the line. This was during the “if Flair loses he retires” period and MVP wanted to take him out for good, as did so many others. Before the match, Flair talks about how important this arena is and how he first wrestled here in March 1976. MVP’s entrance cuts off a rather nice speech because MVP is a rather good jerk. MVP easily takes him down and strikes a pose but Flair just WOOs at him.

Back up and Flair takes him into the corner for the chops and punches, including a big chop to put MVP down. That’s about it for the offense though as MVP kicks him in the face and gets two off a neckbreaker. Cole says he’s sure that there are fans here who were here for Flair’s first match. Really? A fan who is there for two shows 32 years apart? That’s a bit of a stretch, but Cole never was all that logical. Flair comes back with a quick Figure Four attempt but gets small packaged for two instead.

Another running boot in the corner (Helluva Kick) gives MVP three….with Flair’s foot on the rope. You know Little Naitch is thrilled to be able to say Flair gets to keep going. A superplex gives MVP two more but Flair gets in a clothesline out of the corner for a breather. Flair grabs a rollup and backslide for two each and it’s time for stylin and profilin. The Playmaker is countered into the Figure Four and MVP taps out clean.

Rating: C. Perfectly watchable match here and I can even forgive the US Champion doing a clean job for the sake of what is likely Flair’s last match in the Garden. I didn’t care for this whole story at first but it’s grown on me a bit over time. Flair deserves this kind of goodbye and his matches were still perfectly watchable at this point. Not too bad here, and a great feel good moment to ope the show.

Flair gets the big standing ovation that you knew was coming.

Hornswoggle, Vince McMahon’s son at this point in a story that is still so bizarre and gets worse every time, is in Vince’s office. Vince gives him a history of the McMahon Family in the Garden. Tonight it’s every man for himself and you can’t even trust your own family. Finlay comes in and Hornswoggle is rather happy to see him. Vince tells Finlay not to trust Hornswoggle, who jumps into Finlay’s arms as they leave. I’m still not sure if they know how old Hornswoggle is supposed to be here. That was never quite clear.

We meet new correspondent Mike Adamle, who actually doesn’t screw anything up! Yet.

We recap JBL vs. Chris Jericho. JBL had been doing commentary on Jericho’s World Title shot and got knocked down so he cost Jericho the match. The feud ensued with JBL even yelling about Jericho’s family. It’s time for the fight as Jericho continues to try to click in his return.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Ah the days of a ton of pyro for a midcard match entrance. They shove each other around to start with JBL hiding in the corner and the ropes. The second break is enough for JBL to get in a few right hands so Jericho takes him down for some of his own. The early Walls are broken up by a grab of the rope and JBL drops him throat first (the throat/neck that was damaged in the buildup) onto the top rope.

A standing Clothesline From JBL gets two and he catapults the throat into the middle rope to make it even worse. We hit the sleeper to stay on Jericho’s neck until Jericho slips out and hits a clothesline of his own. JBL is fine enough to send him shoulder first into the post and Jericho is busted open. Back in and JBL stomps away as the blood is starting to flow. They fight to the floor again and Jericho BLASTS him with a chair to the head for the DQ. Kind of a sudden finish but that sounded amazing.

Rating: D+. This really didn’t work as JBL can’t do much and Jericho didn’t exactly do much other than throw punches. Jericho is already in need of a heel turn as the face push isn’t exactly working. Maybe it’s the lack of hair or just rust but it’s not exactly clicking here. Then again Jericho is known for being able to change things up at the drop of a hat so I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Post match Jericho beats the heck out of JBL and chokes him with the television cable.

Ashley Massaro tries to go see Maria but boyfriend Santino cuts her off. See, Maria is NOT interested in posing for Playboy, though the magazine had probably already been shot by this point. For the sake of modesty, we’ll move on.

We recap Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. Edge has used his relationship with Vickie Guerrero to become World Heavyweight Champion but Mysterio won a Beat the Clock Challenge (with the help of Batista and Undertaker) by pinning Edge on Smackdown. This earned Rey some beatings from Edge and the Edgeheads (Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder), because you have to have some lackeys.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge is defending and has Vickie (in a wheelchair) and the Edgeheads out here with him. The fans actually boo Mysterio a bit and cheer loudly for Edge. Feeling out process to start with Edge slipping out of the corner to continue the staredown. Rey takes him down and gets two off a basement dropkick as the fans are relentless with the booing. Back up and Edge sends him outside for the quick beating from the Edgeheads. For once the referee isn’t an idiot and ejects him, allowing Rey to get two off a springboard seated senton.

Edge takes out the knee though in a smart move and Mysterio is right back in trouble. A kneeling half crab stays on the knee but Rey fights up and scores with an enziguri. The bad knee means the 619 is very slow though and Edge grabs a powerslam for two. Something close to an ankle lock keeps the leg in trouble and now it’s time to get series as Edge loosens the knee brace. That’s enough to wake Rey up for the sitout bulldog and another kick to the head (with the good leg) gets two.

Rey changes things up a bit with a top rope double stomp for two, followed by a hurricanrana to send Edge outside. The slide into the tornado DDT has Edge in even more trouble but he kicks Rey in the head to get a breather. Mysterio is right back with a drop toehold into the 619, which draws Vickie out of the wheelchair. The distraction means Rey has to hit another 619 so Vickie jumps up to take the blow. That’s enough for Edge to get up and spear a springboarding Rey out of the air for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. This was good, though it never got up to the level you would expect from these two. Edge retaining is far from a surprise and the ending worked really well, with Vickie showing her love for Edge, who likely doesn’t care because it’s all about the title. That spear out of the air was awesome too, meaning this was perfectly fine for a Royal Rumble title defense.

Mr. Kennedy gives Flair, in a towel, a slow clap and sounds like he wants to face Flair next but here’s Shawn Michaels to get rid of him. Shawn says a loud mouthed bleach blonde guy will never work as a gimmick today and Flair seems pleased. Batista and HHH come in with HHH telling Flair to put his pants on. Tensions are teased over who will win the Royal Rumble so Shawn turns it into a merch plug.

Here’s Maria for the Kiss Cam, which totally feels in place at the Royal Rumble. This is the excuse to bring out Ashley to ask about the Playboy shoot again. Cue Santino with someone under a blanket to say stop it. There will be no Playboy because no one wants to see Maria with no clothes on.

We hit the cheap New York sports teams suck heat and, after a LET’S GO GIANTS chant, the fans seem interested in having Maria in the magazine. Santino: “They would cheer for hepatitis if you asked them to!” Santino brings in the blanketed person and of course it’s Big Dick Johnson in Patriots (Giants opponent in next week’s Super Bowl) gear for some dancing. Ashley beats him up to conclude our comedy.

Wrestlemania ad with a Baywatch theme. Believe it or not, Kelly Kelly fits this perfectly.

Adamle throws us to the recap video for Randy Orton vs Jeff “Harvey” in a fairly infamous botch.

So this is the biggest match on the show, even bigger than the Royal Rumble. Apparently the buys went WAY up as a result of Hardy getting the shot and it’s one of the best builds I’ve ever seen. You might remember me saying that Mysterio was the challenger that had no chance of winning. Well Jeff is the polar opposite, as WWE has done a masterful job at making you believe that Hardy could win.

The idea is that Orton is the perfect wrestler but Hardy is willing to do anything to win and could actually pull it off. This included one dive after another to Orton and sweet goodness did they ever work. I COMPLETELY bought Jeff as a real challenger and a lot of other people did too. It didn’t make sense, but WWE managed to create something where you believed the impossible could happen and it was amazing. I still love the build to this and it’s one of the handful of best jobs I’ve ever seen them do.

Raw World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending and Jeff’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. Dang I miss Burn In My Light as Orton’s theme. The fans are behind Hardy for the early lockup exchange and Jeff takes him down with a headlock. The legdrop between the legs into the basement dropkick gives Jeff two but Orton is right back with some forearms to the back. Orton to the crowd: “WHO’S YOUR BOY NOW???”

Jeff clotheslines him right back down and hits a heck of a dropkick through the ropes, leaving Orton’s head a bit crooked against the barricade. The first big dive takes Orton down and the fans believe it all over again. Back in and Orton hits a big dropkick to break up a springboard, which you had to know was coming sooner or later. There’s a suplex on the floor to give Orton two and it’s time to slowly stomp away. Back up and Jeff sends him over the top for a clothesline from the apron. Jeff takes him back inside but gets sent into the post, allowing Orton to throw on a chinlock.

Since it’s a big match though, he adds a grapevine for a bonus. The powerslam gives Orton two and we hit the chinlock for the second time in a minute. Jeff fights up again and hits the Whisper in the Wind, followed by the slingshot dropkick in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton so Jeff settles for a missile dropkick to knock him off the apron instead. Jeff’s moonsault to the floor barely makes contact and they’re both down. Back in and Jeff tries the Twist of Fate but gets countered into the RKO for the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. It was good, but without a title change (which didn’t need to happen yet) there was no way they could live up to the hype that had been built. Hardy got in some dives but there was only so much you can do when you’re not winning the title. They NAILED the build and the match itself was fine, but it was a little deflating. Jeff certainly moved up a few levels though and that’s what matters most.

Jeff gets the standing ovation, but it’s not the strongest in the world.

Rumble By The Numbers:

21 Winners

569 Wrestlers Eliminated

36 Eliminations for Steve Austin, the most ever

11 Royal Rumbles for Shawn Michaels, the most ever

11 Eliminations for Kane, the most in one match

10 Consecutive Royal Rumbles for Kane

3 Times Mick Foley entered in 1998

2 Feet that need to hit the ground for an elimination

1 Woman to have entered, with Chyna

62:12 for Rey Mysterio in 2006, the most ever

:02 For Warlord in 1990, the least ever

3 Wins for Steve Austin, the most ever

#1 Spot, which has produced more winners than #30

1 Winner from #30, the Undertaker in 2007

4 Winners from #27, the most of all time

73% Success rate for winners at Wrestlemania

1 Road to Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

Michael Buffer of all people gets to do the intro, which is a very WCW thing to do, though that voice is hard to turn down. There are ninety second intervals this year so things are going to be moving. Undertaker is in at #1 and Shawn Michaels is in at #2, with Buffer just calling him the Heartbreak Kid and never mentioning his name. Shawn (or Heartbreak) chops away in the corner to start but gets grabbed by the throat and sent into the corner for his efforts. Undertaker misses a running boot though and gets sent out to the apron. He’s fine enough to grab Shawn by the throat and hit a big boot as Santino Marella is in at #3.

Death comes quickly as Shawn superkicks him and Undertaker gets the elimination in less than thirty seconds. Shawn goes to throw Undertaker out and that’s just not bright. Old School is broken up with a pull off the top but Undertaker hits a chokeslam as Great Khali is in at #4. The fans immediately start the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants as Undertaker and Khali slug it out. The big chop is blocked though and Undertaker throws him out to get us back down to two. Hardcore Holly is in at #5 and might have some more staying power.

Undertaker and Shawn take turns knocking him down until Holly gets in a cheap shot on Undertaker to knock him into the ropes. Shawn and Holly chop it out in the corner until John Morrison is in at #6. As Coach talks about Morrison and Miz spending all night partying, Shawn throws Morrison off the top and hits the top rope elbow. It’s too early for Sweet Chin Music and Tommy Dreamer is in at #7, because WE NEED TOMMY DREAMER!!!

The traditional brawling around the ring begins with Dreamer pretending he has a chance to eliminate Undertaker. Batista is in at #8 and that keeps the crowd going even more. That gives us the big showdown with Undertaker but Dreamer (OF COURSE) breaks it up, thankfully getting eliminated. Batista spears Morrison but gets punched down in the corner by Undertaker.

Hornswoggle is in at #9 and immediately hides underneath the ring. Another spear takes Undertaker down and the brawling continues. Angry biker Chuck Palumbo is in at #10, giving us Undertaker, Shawn, Holly, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle and Palumbo. Morrison pulls himself back in from the apron as we get to the standard operating procedure of people trying to save themselves on the ropes. Jamie Noble, currently feuding with Palumbo and rather banged up, is in at #11 and slugs it out with Palumbo.

That’s good for an elimination in about thirty seconds to keep the ring from getting too full. CM Punk is in at #12 and you know the fans are going to be into him. A bunch of running knees have Punk on a roll and he throws Palumbo out. Cody Rhodes is in at #13 and a grand total of nothing happens. Well unless you count basic brawling and no one being close to an elimination. Umaga is in at #14 and knocks Holly out in a hurry to keep things balanced.

Snitsky is in at #15 (He was still around in 2008?) and the Big Bald starts cleaning house. Cody takes him to the apron but Punk can’t shove either of them out. As Cole says Morrison is like a young Shawn Michaels, Morrison’s partner Miz is in at #16. Undertaker puts Umaga on the apron but can’t stomp him out as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. The jump to the top lets him knock Miz and Morrison to the apron, followed by Paydirt to Morrison.

That’s enough from Shelton though as Sweet Chin Music is good for an elimination. Well that works. I loved the original Shelton run but he never recovered from that Gold Standard nonsense. Jimmy Snuka of all people is in at #18 and the fans literally get to their feet for that one. Undertaker tries a headbutt and hurts himself in a little payback from Wrestlemania VII. The old man abuse stops….and Roddy Piper is in at #19 to blow away Snuka’s pop.

Piper and Snuka have the big showdown in slow motion (thankfully with Piper in shorts instead of trunks) and everyone stops to watch the fight. Things settle back down until Kane is in at #20 to get rid of Piper and Snuka, leaving us with Undertaker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle (still under the ring), Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz and Kane. Undertaker loads up a chokeslam on Kane but goes after Michaels instead, with Kane making the save for some reason.

Carlito is in at #21 and spits the apple at Cody as there are too many people who have been around too long. A nice backflip gets Carlito out of trouble and it’s Mick Foley in at #22 to a very long and positive reaction. Batista takes the Last Ride and Foley hits a double arm DDT on Kane. There’s a Samoan drop from Umaga to Undertaker as the ring is way too full. Mr. Kennedy is in at #23 to make it even worse but Undertaker takes him down with a chokeslam. A lot of people are down as Undertaker starts hitting his running clotheslines in the corner.

Undertaker gets rid of Snitsky but walks into Sweet Chin Music for the big surprise elimination. Kennedy gets rid of Shawn immediately thereafter, all while Big Daddy V is in at #24. Undertaker beats up Snitsky to blow off some steam before leaving. We get some near eliminations with Cody and Kennedy fighting to the apron and Mark Henry is in at #25. Hornswoggle returns from the dead and pulls Miz out before heading right back underneath the ring. As Snitsky finally gets up to leave, V can’t get rid of Morrison or Kennedy. Chavo Guerrero is in at #26 and Kane kicks Morrison out.

Henry pulls the returning Hornswoggle inside so here’s Finlay to jump the gun at #27 to swing the shillelagh. He and Hornswoggle leave, with the explanation being that Finlay was disqualified for using the club and Hornswoggle was, uh, short? Finlay holds Hornswoggle’s hand on the way out, again acting like he’s about five. Elijah Burke is in at #28 and MY GOODNESS get rid of some people already. The Samoan Spike sends Batista underneath the ropes and outside for a breather.

Chavo gets rid of Punk and it’s HHH at #29 to hopefully eliminate half the field. Cody, Big Daddy V, Foley (nice slugout first) and Burke are all gone to make things way better. Umaga gets sent head first into the post and Pedigreed….and JOHN CENA is in at #30 to one of the all time great pops.

See, Cena had torn his pectoral muscle back in October and the word was he was going to miss Wrestlemania, if not the following Summerslam. WWE had this wild idea for Cena: use a combination of Cena’s uncanny ability to heal and recover in a crazy hurry and, of course, LIE. This is one of the best shocking returns ever because Cena had been completely written off for at least the next six months. The fans, as in the MSG fans, are STUNNED and pop the roof off the place before realizing that it’s Cena and they’re supposed to boo at him.

Cena starts cleaning house and gets rid of Carlito, Chavo and Henry to get us down to Cena, HHH, Umaga, Kane, Batista and Kennedy. We get the big showdown with Cena and HHH as the right hands start fast. HHH hits a spinebuster but walks into an uppercut from Umaga. Kane and Kennedy are dispatched in a hurry and it’s HHH and Batista teaming up to toss Umaga. That leaves us with three, which is a heck of a triple threat. Batista gives both of them the thumbs down and the fight is on with a double clothesline putting HHH and Cena down.

There’s the big spinebuster to both of them but Cena counters the Batista Bomb. A clothesline gets rid of Batista and we’re down to the major showdown, which the fans certainly enjoy. That means POINTING AT THE SIGN (take that Ronda) and they slug it out with the fans being behind Cena. HHH gets caught with Cena’s usual but it’s a double clothesline for the double knockdown. A DDT takes Cena down again but he counters another Pedigree attempt into the AA over the top for the win.

Rating: C+. This was a bumpy road as they didn’t pace things well, meaning the match was way too full for far too long. They had a nice balance of legends and modern stars though with those three New York pops being very well done. It’s not a great match or anything, but what we got worked.

Now, with that out of the way, this is ALL about Cena’s return with nothing else coming close. That’s the kind of ovation and reaction you only get once in a long time and my goodness did it work here. Cena being back changed everything and it was a great moment all around. Just watching that crowd of smarks lose their minds because they were actually surprised is an all time favorite of mine and it still works eleven years later.

Overall Rating: C. Kind of an awkward show as the whole big moment at the end doesn’t exactly make up for everything else. Now that being said, there’s nothing too bad or even bad at all, but nothing that stands out either. The Hardy vs. Orton match was all hype but still entertaining, while I’m already having trouble remembering the rest of the card. Cena’s return stole everything and that’s fine, as it wasn’t really a great show to start.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: C

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/27/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-screw-wwes-list-this-is-the-1-rumble-moment/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2008-the-biggest-surprise-in-rumble-history/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.

James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.

Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.

Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.

John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.

Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.

Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.

Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.

The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.

Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.

Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.

At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.

Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.

Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.

Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.

Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.

Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.

Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.

Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.

Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.

Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……

And a gong strikes. That’s why.

As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 9, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home Raw for Summerslam and the big developments from last week saw Randy Orton pinning Chris Benoit in a six man, plus the long awaited HHH vs. Eugene match being announced. That doesn’t leave a lot to be done this week, but maybe they can put something good enough together. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

The Diva Search starts things off but here’s Randy Orton to cut off the elimination. He grabs the envelope and announces Chandra as the loser of the week. Orton: “AW SHUCKS!” After she leaves, Orton talks about how devastated Chris Benoit is going to be after he loses the World Title on Sunday. It has to hurt deep down inside, knowing that Benoit is going to lose everything he’s worked for. We look back at Orton pinning Benoit last week with Lawler shouting that it’s destiny.

Back in the arena (with the rest of the girls gone), Orton asks what everyone here did when they were 24 years old. Maybe they finally got a car or moved out of their parents’ basement. When he’s 24, he’s going to become the World Heavyweight Champion. This brings out Benoit to say that he wants to see the footage of Orton tapping out. Orton says that hasn’t happened so Benoit puts him in the Crossface right now for a tap. Benoit wants to see a replay right now but leaves before we see it. Dude if you’re not going to see it, don’t make the request. Another good segment here as they’re making me want to see the match.

Stacy Keibler/Victoria/Nidia vs. Jazz/Molly Holly/Gail Kim

Molly takes Victoria down to start as the hair is long, blonde and curly this week. Isn’t it time to retire that joke already? It’s been nearly five months now. Gail comes in and gets armdragged before it’s off to Stacy for what I have to imagine is a downgrade. The leg choke in the corner doesn’t get her very far and Molly low bridging her to the floor makes things even worse.

Jazz gets her turn with some forearms and knees but Stacy gets a boot up in the corner. A kick to Molly is enough for the hot tag to Nidia and somehow things get a little big better. Nidia hits a flapjack on Jazz but walks into a swinging neckbreaker from Molly. Everything breaks down and Nidia rolls Molly up for a quick pin.

Rating: D. I’m not sure who decided that it was a good idea to have Stacy work such a long stretch of the match but it was the best idea in the world. There’s some talent in the division but there’s so much bad stuff dragging the good down. It doesn’t help when we’ve seen almost every combination far too many times and there isn’t a lot of top talent to go around in the first place.

Post match here’s Trish Stratus to convince them all to come with her and do something.

We look back at HHH’s awesome beatdown of William Regal.

A very beaten up Regal and Eugene are at a hotel with Eugene saying he wants to go to the arena for his match tonight. Regal promises to go tonight but it’s not safe yet because it would be a big ambush and Regal isn’t capable of fighting right now. Instead, Eugene sits down and watches TV while Regal rests. With Regal in the other room, Eugene leaves for the arena alone. So this guy who could barely function on his own two months ago can now find an arena on his own?

Smackdown Rebound.

Matt Hardy comes up to see Lita, who has bad news: a DNA test says the baby is Kane’s. An angry Matt just stares at her and leaves.

JR is in the ring for the contract signing between Matt and Kane. Well that’s just awkward now. Lita follows behind Matt as Kane smiles rather evily. We get the recap of the rules for the match, which has to be near the top of the most ridiculous stipulations of all time. Lita and Kane sign with the latter smiling very hard. Matt doesn’t sign, walks around for a bit, and then signs. Kane says he’s more man than Matt and the obvious fight is on. A briefcase to the head knocks Kane out long enough for Matt and Lita to escape.

The Diva Search girls get 25 seconds to sell us ice cream. Joy is in a bikini and rubs it over herself, along with various toppings.

Amy turns it into a plug for Summerslam and sprays whipped cream in her mouth.

Carmella slowly puts stuff on her ice cream.

Tracie turns it into an infomercial.

Maria licks the ice cream and asks if anyone wants to share it with them. She’s rather enthusiastic here.

Christy wrecks the table and says she’s a good little girl who likes to share. This is quite annoying.

Michelle gives her number again (smart) and pours things on the ice cream.

At least it’s getting shorter. Not much smarter, but shorter.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Non-title. They stare each other down to start and fight over some waistlocks. Jericho gets a hammerlock until a whip into the corner and a knee to the back has Edge in some actual trouble. The double arm crank keeps Edge down as the announcers talk about King Kong and Godzilla. Edge is back up with some right hands to the head and blocks a splash with some knees. They’re still going rather slowly here and it seems they have a lot of time. Some shoulders to the back work on Jericho some more until he rakes the eyes.

Jericho tries his springboard dropkick but gets shoved outside in a big crash. The spear hits Jericho’s back, driving him off the apron and into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Edge holding a chinlock with a knee in the back as they’re still not exactly going at top speed. Edge tries going up so Jericho dropkicks him out of the air, cutting off the fans’ interest all over again. Jericho gets in the spinwheel kick, followed by the running crotch attack to the back.

They get back up and Edge goes with the simple offense of a big boot before a knee to the face cuts off Jericho’s charge. There’s a catapult into the corner but Jericho is smart enough to bail to the floor before the spear can hit. Edge hits a baseball slide instead and the ribs go straight into the barricade. Back in and Edge hits a release gordbuster off the top, setting up a missile dropkick for two. Edge misses the spear though and Edge grabs a rollup, with his feet on the ropes for the pin as Edge has been doing in recent weeks.

Rating: B+. Yeah of course this worked as they had a lot of time and a reason to fight. Both guys looked awesome here with Jericho hanging in there until he could win over the aggressive Edge. As good as Batista has been of late, there’s a case to be made for this being the Summerslam title match but at least we got to see it at some point. Really good stuff here, but is that really a surprise?

Post match Batista comes out to destroy both guys.

Eugene arrives and, after a break, finds out that HHH isn’t here. Instead, HHH is at the hotel destroying Regal. Well that and monologuing about payback like an evil mastermind. That’s one of the most logical things I’ve seen on this show in years.

Rhyno/Tajiri vs. Chris Cage/Brent Albright

Rhyno and Tajiri have to win in two minutes to get a title shot at Summerslam. Cage and Albright are both OVW guys. The bell rings and here’s La Resistance to watch. Tajiri kicks away at Albright to start and knocks an invading Cage down as well. Albright gets kicked in the face for his efforts to give Tajiri two and it’s off to Rhyno. Everything breaks down and a big spinebuster plants Cage. The Gore connects but La Resistance distracts the referee so time expires. No title shot in a bit of a surprise.

Divas, bikinis, next. Actually not next as Trish and the six women from earlier come out with a challenge for Summerslam: DODGEBALL. Somehow, that’s an improvement over all the other dumb stuff they’ve done so far. You can hear JR’s soul die as he tries to talk the idea up.

Evolution is happy with Regal’s beatdown.

HHH/Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit/Eugene

Actually hang on as there’s no Eugene since he’s gone to be with Regal so we’ll try this instead.

HHH/Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit elbows them both in the face to start and a baseball slide puts HHH on the floor. A snap suplex takes Orton down and the rolling German suplexes do the same to HHH. Flair is right there to break up the Swan Dive though, allowing HHH to crotch Benoit on top. Orton comes in and drops some knees to the chest, followed by a dropkick. HHH gets to hammer away as well with Orton coming back in with a top rope stomp to the back. There’s a hard whip into the corner as the beatdown continues.

Regal’s blood is still all over HHH’s tape for a great touch. Orton grabs the chinlock, which JR describes as “very dangerous”. Benoit fights out of the corner but walks into a spinebuster to cut him right back off. A small package gives Benoit two and he sends HHH into Orton in the corner for a breather. There’s a superplex to Orton to knock him silly but Benoit can’t cover. HHH gets suplexed down and Benoit backdrops him out to the floor. The Crossface goes on and Flair comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was only so good as Benoit was literally on his own and wasn’t about to get a win here. At the same time you don’t want Benoit to take a clean loss, so of course you go with the DQ because that’s what Flair is there for anymore. The wrestling wasn’t the point here as it was more about the storyline, but at least what we got wasn’t bad.

Post match HHH gets in the beatdown on Benoit, including the Pedigree (shocking) but here’s Eugene to beat on HHH, who bails out. Eugene beats up Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade as the good stuff was really good but the weaker parts stuck out horribly. The problem is they seemed to be getting ready for Summerslam but at the same time wanted to do a bunch of stuff that had nothing to do with the show, which isn’t the best idea for the go home show for one of the biggest cards of the year. What we got was good, but it could have been a lot better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 2, 2004
Location: SBC Arena, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting very close to Summerslam and that means things are starting to pick up. Last week saw Eugene cost HHH the World Title and I’m sure we’ll need to hear about HHH’s quest for vengeance, because this show is about HHH and no one else. That includes World Champion Chris Benoit, who will be defending against Randy Orton at the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of the Iron Man match, including Eugene costing HHH the title.

HHH actually cuts off the intro because he can’t wait to hear himself talk about how important he is. After a brief wait for the fans to yell at him, HHH rants about how last week was supposed to be his time because he was doing something that very few men dare to do. He fought his heart out because his life depended on it. That title is his life but then Eugene took it away from him. A SIMPLETON took it away from him and Eugene can’t even comprehend what he has done. HHH demands that Eugene get out here right now by shouting his name over and over again in acting that would be bad in a WWE Studios film.

William Regal comes out instead, saying that Eugene isn’t here this week. Regal admits that it was his idea for Eugene to come out there last week and actually brings up their tag team in WCW. People like them are just born naughty and if it was anyone else but Eugene, Regal would have applauded what HHH did. If HHH wants a fight tonight, Regal will go put his gear on and fight him with every ounce of violent venom in his body. As usual, Regal’s fire was awesome here and it’s turning him into something.

After that fired up promo, we go to the Diva Search girls for the elimination. It’s Camille, one of the blondes. Good for her. Anyway, tonight the remaining women can have 20 seconds each to campaign for why they should stick around.

Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Resistance

Non-title. The fight is on before the bell with Tajiri throwing Grenier inside for some kicks to the back. Rhyno hits a flying shoulder and Tajiri adds a running dropkick as Conway still can’t get his jacket off. A double flapjack drops Grenier and there’s the handspring elbow. Rhyno Gores Conway and Tajiri sunset flips Grenier for the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long but they packed a ton of stuff into it.

Randy Orton says it was his destiny to lose the Intercontinental Title so he can become the youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history. Brock Lesnar did it when he was 25 but Orton is only 24. Orton has killed off one legend after another and that’s what he’s going to do to Chris Benoit at Summerslam. Nice little promo here.

Smackdown Rebound.

Matt Hardy comes in to see Lita and, after getting rid of Stacy Keibler, tells her that he wants them to be together. Like, they should get married. I don’t see this going well.

Tyson Tomko vs. Rosey

…..run away while you still can. Rosey has Stacy with him just because. Tomko’s headlock doesn’t last long so he forearms Rosey in the back a few times. That earns him a trip to the floor and Stacy stretches to the fans’ delight. Back in and Tomko chokes on the ropes but charges into a boot in the corner. Rosey drops a leg and Stacy does a cartwheel with her skirt flying up. Just in case you thought she had any value otherwise. The spinning legdrop gets two and let’s get a slow motion replay of the cartwheel. A Trish Stratus distraction lets Tomko kick Rosey in the face for the pin.

Rating: D-. I used to be a big Stacy fan but time has not been kind to her. She’s literally just there for her looks and that’s all she has going for her. I know the women’s division isn’t much, but keeping people like her around hasn’t aged well when you can see what the women’s division can become. That role can be done well by the right people, but Stacy just wasn’t that good. The match on the other hand was as bad as you would have guessed.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel and Jericho wastes no time in bringing out Edge as his guest. Edge very reluctantly shakes his hand, which isn’t a good sign when they’re in a tag match tonight. Jericho gets right to the point by announcing Edge defending the title at Summerslam against himself and Batista. We move on to the battle royal last week and Edge isn’t happy about Jericho eliminating him. Edge thought they were friends after they got rid of five guys together but then Jericho couldn’t put his ego aside.

That’s why Orton is getting the title shot at Summerslam because he threw Jericho out. Edge: “I haven’t seen you get dumped that badly since Trish Stratus.” Jericho talks about Edge’s theme song saying “you think you know me”. Well Edge is going to know Jericho when he takes the Intercontinental Title. The fight is on with Edge hitting a spear and destroying the set. Edge grabs a chair but throws it down, probably due to the two of them being in a tag match tonight. Jericho doesn’t want to be helped up though and drops Edge with a right. If Edge wasn’t a heel yet, he’s right on the brink and not a minute too soon.

How to vote for the Diva Search eliminations.

HHH vs. William Regal

Regal jumps him during the entrance (as he should) and the fight is on with HHH being sent into the set. HHH gets knocked over the announcers’ table and down to ringside. They head inside for the bell…and a right hand with brass knuckles to knock Regal cold for the DQ in about twenty seconds. Why can these two just not have a match?

Regal is busted open and HHH makes it worse by pulling out the sledgehammer. Regal knocks him down though and grabs the knuckles but walks into the sledgehammer to the head to make the bleeding even worse. Referees come out and Regal does a stretcher job (while saying Chris, his wife’s name, over and over in a nice touch) but HHH turns it over in a heel move that will always work. Good landing from Regal and HHH came off like the really evil version, even if it’s setting up a match with Eugene.

Post break, Eric Bischoff makes HHH vs. Eugene for Summerslam. Joy.

And now, the Diva Search campaigning.

Joy wants to be a Diva because she wants to be in front of a crowd.

Amy wants to be a Diva because she’s here for the long haul and will spank Evolution.

Chandra wants to win because this fits her personality so well.

Carmella wants to be a Diva because….well she doesn’t actually say as she’s just saying how great the fans are.

Tracy wants to be a Diva because she’ll fight hard and dirty. She strips as she talks and gives the number to call to vote for her in a smart idea.

Maria wants to be a Diva because this seems to be a fun place to work and they support the troops.

Christy wants to be a Diva because she has a lot of energy and wants to live this life.

Michelle wants to be a Diva because she’s been a huge wrestling fan since she was six and this is her dream.

They kept things shorter and WAY less dumb this week but that just brings it up to a waste of time instead of an all time disaster.

Kane chokes Lita and promises to get to Matt at Summerslam. Their match is official and Lita says Matt can beat him again. She’s so sure that she’ll marry the winner. Kane says it’s a pity that Lita won’t be able to wear white on their wedding day. Lita slaps him and he laughs.

Kane vs. Maven

Maven starts fast with a spinwheel kick and a pair of dropkicks to put Kane on the floor. The dive is kicked out of the air and the real beating begins. Back in and the chokeslam finishes Maven in a hurry. Just a squash, which makes Maven’s not bad performance last week seem like a waste.

Post match Kane says that’s what he’s going to do to Matt at Summerslam in the Til Death Do Us Part match.

The Diva Search girls do their bikini thing. They’ve managed to have this lose its impact.

Evolution vs. Chris Benoit/Edge/Chris Jericho

Edge runs by his partners and starts slugging away at Orton before choking with the t-shirt. It’s off to Jericho for a suplex to Orton and some chops to Flair. The fellow Canadians get in some shots from the apron and there’s the Flair Flop. Flair gets back up and spits at Benoit, which you know is going to bring him in. Some chops are no sold and Flair pokes him in the eye, only to get caught in a backslide for two. It’s off to Batista for the big shoulders in the corner and a good looking side slam.

Flair comes back in for the Figure Four to make Orton rather happy, but Flair makes the mistake of slapping Benoit in the face. That’s enough to fire up the comeback but Batista isn’t about to allow the hot tag. A basement dropkick to Batista’s head has no effect so Benoit avoids a charge to send him shoulder first into the post instead. That’s enough for the hot tag to Jericho who can’t get the Walls on Batista. He can however hit the running crotch attack to the back, followed by the Lionsault for one as everything breaks down. The Canadians clean house and we take a break.

Back with Orton holding Edge in a chinlock and Flair coming in for some shots to the face. A clothesline takes Edge down and Flair, never one to learn, goes up top and gets slammed off in short order. It’s off to Orton vs Jericho with the backbreaker taking Jericho down to put Evolution right back in control. The fans want tables (oh come on) as Jericho can’t get the Walls. What he can get is a tag to Benoit, who chops away at Flair in the corner and knocks him out to the floor.

Batista comes in instead and is put straight into the Crossface (JR: “That’ll bring you to your milk!”) with Orton making a save. Batista has to do the same to get Flair out of the Walls and a spinebuster plants Jericho. That gives Batista two and it’s off to Orton for a knee drop into some choking. The hard chinlock goes on for a good minute plus before Jericho comes back with the sleeper drop. It’s too early for the big hot tag though so Batista bends Jericho’s back over the knee instead. Jericho finally gets free and knocks Batista down, allowing the hot tag to Benoit so house can be cleaned for real.

The rolling German suplexes take care of Orton and Flair is sent outside. Batista sends Jericho into Edge though before blasting Jericho with the huge clothesline. More German suplexes get Benoit out of trouble and the Sharpshooter goes on Flair, only to have Orton score with the RKO and pin Benoit.

Rating: B+. I’m really going to miss these Canada vs. Evolution matches when they’re gone because any combination of them works so well together. This was more great action until the storyline advancing ending and that’s all you could ever want. While it’s not quite enough to save the full show, this was another great main event in a series between any mixture of these guys.

Overall Rating: B. The main event carries the show but there was other good stuff to fill in the night. They made sure to not have as much stuff focusing on Eugene, which helps a lot as well. The problem there though is Eugene has to face HHH at some point and things are going to fall apart from there. Other than that, the only bad things on the show were the Divas and Tomko vs. Rosey, making for a pretty easy night. Now if only Summerslam can live up to the hype.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 25, 2000
Location: McKenzie Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,223
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another request due to it being Christmas recently. One night late in WCW’s dying days, Raw has a show on Christmas night. If I remember right, Nitro didn’t air and I don’t think many people noticed. This is a few weeks after Armageddon and the 6 man Cell match so we’re rolling towards New Orleans and the Rumble which was very good. Let’s get to it.

And no this isn’t live of course. It was taped the Saturday before.

Here’s Stephanie to open the show. You know, the implants with a McMahon attached. She looks great though. The McMahons are celebrating Christmas at the moment, with Vince volunteering at a soup kitchen in Greenwich and HHH sending Steph here. Even Stephanie is getting into it, making something that reminds her of her mother: a fruitcake. We get a clip from the end of Smackdown, which is Rock and Undertaker arguing over something. Therefore tonight it’s Rock vs. Taker.

She brings out Edge and Christian with Angle as well. Angle is in his first reign as world champion while the Canadians are tag champions. Edge wishes Stephanie a Merry Christmas but they’re sorry that Foley isn’t here due to being fired last week. Christian insults Chattanooga for a bit and talks about Smackdown, which we see a clip from showing Edge pinning Rock to win the tag titles.

Angle does the same but with his own brand of humor. He’s given himself a Christmas gift and has flown out his family. Here’s an army of people that all look like Kurt. He introduces all of his family and all of their accomplishments. He talks about hitting Foley with a chair so the fans chant for Foley. Stephanie reminds us that he’s fired and the fans boo Kurt’s family. They sing Walkin In A Winter Wonderland until Jericho FINALLY cuts them off.

He tells Angle to shut up. Jericho liked the singing but instead it should have been the Twelve Days of Christmas. We have six Angles who will never be a laying, two valley girls and Stephanie, who gets all of her usual insults, in a a pear tree. For Christmas, Jericho wants the world title, and he wants it tonight. Angle yells but Stephanie cuts him off. The title shot is denied but instead it’s a six man: Angle/Canadians vs. Jericho/whatever team Chris wants. Jericho says that’s nice but he didn’t get anything for Stepahanie. What do you get for someone who’s had everyone? Jericho implies the Dudleys will be his partners.

Kurt gives his family a tour of the arena and runs into K-Kwik (R-Truth) and that’s about it.

Hardy Boys vs. Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

Benoit is IC Champion and Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion. In the back, Matt tells Lita to stay in the back because she’ll get hurt. Lita goes anyway. Big brawl to start and Malenko pulls Benoit to the floor. Jeff is like cool man and hits a huge Poetry in Motion to the floor. That looked awesome. Benoit SNAPS off a dragon screw on Jeff’s leg to take over. That looked sick. Malenko works on the knee a bit as well but Jeff gets a SWEET spinning leg sweep cradle for two. A double dropkick puts the Radicalz down and it’s off to Matt. Everything breaks down and Lita hits Dean low. Top rope legdrop ends this.

Rating: C-. Nothing great here but the knee stuff was great. By that I mean one move but you get the idea. This would lead to Dean getting a date with Lita which wound up in a hotel room and Lita in some very nice lingerie. Anyway, not much to see here but it was nice to get the Hardys away from the Dudleys and Canadians.

Post match Matt gets put in the Texas Cloverleaf and Lita in the Crossface.

Post break Lita is being checked on when Benoit jumps Matt again.

Rock arrives and doesn’t care to hear about his match with Taker.

Debra is still Lieutenant Commissioner but it’s not fun without Foley anymore. She makes a triple threat Hardcore Title match with Raven, Blackman and Holly.

Vince calls Stephanie on voicemail and likes the match. He says he has to do something real quick at the soup kitchen but Trish’s voice is heard giggling.

We get a clip of Austin getting chokeslammed by Kane and then Austin demanding a match with him, which he gets tonight. Austin says he’ll beat Kane up tonight.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Raven vs. Steve Blackman

Blackman is champion. Raven and Holly get into it before Steve gets there. I’m not sure what you want me to say here as it’s your usual one guy gets knocked down, the other two fight, the third makes the save. The challengers fight into the crowd but Blackman beats them both down out there. They go under the stage and into the back where Raven beats up what appears to be some stagehands. They go outside and Raven is thrown down some stairs. Holly finds a random 2×4 and swings at Blackman. He misses though and Blackman hits a German onto the hood of a car to retain.

Rating: D+. As I’ve said before, once you’ve seen one of these matches, you’ve seen them all. It’s just basic brawling with weapons that goes nowhere and then they have the ending. They had beaten this so far into the ground but by keeping it down to like three minutes per match, I think it’s ok.

Blackman is walking back to the locker room but Raven hits him with a board and steals the title.

The XFL is coming. OH YEAH!

Here’s Regal who is European Champion. Little trivia for you: he’s one of only two Europeans to hold that title. He blasts Americans for awhile until Kane comes out for his match. Ok then.

Kane vs. Steve Austin

Brawl to start with Austin hammering him into the corner. Regal is on commentary. A clothesline puts Kane down and another puts him on the floor. Austin gets pulled out there and Kane takes over. Regal gets up for some reason and Austin takes him down as well. Austin stomps on both of them as this is a total brawl. Back in the ring a big boot puts Austin down and they slow down.

A second boot is blocked and Austin goes for the knee. Kane fights back and wraps Austin’s leg around the post. Lawler says Kane is the official first entrant in the Rumble. Back in the top rope clothesline gets two. After a suplex gets two it’s a bearhug. Austin comes back with the Thesz Press and the elbow. Chokeslam, Stunner and Tombstone are countered until a Stunner hits. Regal pops up on the apron and Kane gets up. Regal finally gets in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was fine. It was just a brawl that ran about seven and a half minutes and that’s all it really needed to be. The interesting thing is you could easily compare this to a lot of Cena’s matches on Raw today. There wasn’t anything to it for the most part and there wasn’t supposed to be. However Cena gets blasted for it and Austin is one of the most popular stars ever. Go figure.

Regal tries to bring in a chair but Austin clocks both guys with it instead.

Taker says he isn’t surprised by having to fight Rock later. He says Rock has the bark but he has the bite. Taker is still face here.

Cue The Kat in a robe. She has a gift with her. She gets in front of the announce table and grabs a mic. The gift is for JR and it’s the latest Divas video. As for King, Kat gets on the table and pulls the robe open to reveal some red lingerie. She shows the crowd too. Jerry gets a kiss also.

Stephanie barges in on T&A who says Trish isn’t here. She leaves and they imply Trish is with Vince.

Angle calls his parents as his brothers/cousin watch. Well that was pointless.

Too Cool vs. T&A

Grandmaster vs. Test to start. Stephanie comes out to watch, probably because of the jokes T&A made after she left. Sexay hits a middle rope dropkick and it’s off to Scotty so he can get beaten up for awhile. Albert comes in and Scott can’t do anything. Baldo (Albert) Bomb gets two as Grandmaster makes the save. Scotty gets in some kicks and a forearm to set up a double tag. Everything breaks down and Scotty sets for the Worm. Test kicks Scotty’s head off after it hits. He sets for the ending but Stephanie distracts him, allowing Grandmaster to roll up Test for the win.

Rating: D. Didn’t like this one at all. This whole show has felt like it’s just a labor to get through and that’s not good. To be fair though it’s Christmas night so it’s not like anyone is watching. Stephanie came in to mess with them, presumably to cost Trish’s team, but this went nowhere.

Post break, Albert comes in to talk with Stephanie. He offers his services to Stephanie for whatever she needs.

Chris Jericho/Dudley Boys vs. Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian

Jericho and Christian start things off. The fans want tables and Jericho tries a quick Walls attempt but settles for a slingshot into a rollup for two instead. D-Von and Edge come in and things speed up. Bubba comes in and does his always funny yelling. What’s Up to Edge. It’s Table Time already and everything breaks down on the outside. Edge hammers on Bubba but it’s quickly off to Christian.

The beating goes on for about 20 seconds before it’s off to Jericho and Angle. Jericho gets in a fight with Angle’s family who is all in the front row. The Dudleys put one of them through a table. The Dudleys and the Canadians fight up the ramp and Jericho hits a missile dropkick for no cover but the Lionsault eats knees. Angle Slam (and a good one too) beats Jericho.

Rating: C. This was going on so fast that it was hard to tell if it was good or bad. It certainly wasn’t boring and the big stuff looked pretty good. I liked it for the most part but much like the rest of this show and the show overall, it came and went and that’s all there really is to say about it.

The Angle family beats him down but the Dudleys make the save.

Edge and Christian say they’ll get the Dudleys for what they did.

Right to Censor vs. APA

It’s Buchanan/Godfather this time. Buchanan gives a very southern promo, talking about how evil the Dudleys are. Bradshaw starts with Godfather and the beating begins. Farrooq and Buchanan come in and the bald one takes a spinebuster. Bradshaw comes in and runs people over, including a top rope shoulder. Ivory interferes and Jackie runs her over. They get in the ring because Jackie has to get on my nerves at least once a year. Val Venis uses the distraction to run in and DDT Bradshaw. A Buchanan legdrop ends this. The match was nothing.

We get a video of Chyna taking a spike piledriver and injuring her neck. She had an MRI so we get a sitdown interview with her. Short version: I’m hurt, I’m sad, I’m successful outside the ring, I don’t like RTC, I’ll be back but not against men. Somehow that took six minutes.

Rock is in the back and cuts Kevin Kelly off because they are chanting his name. He gives his version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and sings to Undertaker a bit too.

Undertaker vs. The Rock

I’ve never really seen these two have a good match so maybe this is the exception. Taker pounds him down and knocks Rock to the floor with one punch. Rock gets dropped onto the barricade and the table as JR is running out of room to run. Back in the ring Rock fires off a few rights and the jumping clothesline to take over. Swinging neckbreaker gets no cover but a Russian legsweep gets two.

Taker gets in a big boot and pounds away on the back. They mess up something so Taker hits a side slam for two. DDT by Rock gets two. More back work by Taker and this match isn’t breaking the streak these two have. Oh joy: it’s a bearhug. Rock fights out and now Taker hits a DDT of his own for two. Chokeslam and Rock Bottom are countered but a chokeslam hits. No cover though because he wants a Last Ride. And here’s Rikishi to interfere. Spinebuster to Taker but Rikishi pulls the top rope down and Rock wins by REALLY LAME DQ.

Rating: D-. What a boring match. They walked around, punched each other a lot, and that’s about it. The really bad ending didn’t help anything at all but hey, Rikishi is a top heel right? They don’t really give a reason or a thought as to whether or not it would work, but he was the next guy to feud with Rock I believe. Give me a break.

Rikishi stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. OH MAN thank goodness it’s over. This was one of the least interesting shows I’ve seen in longer than I can remember. Nothing happened here, no one cared, no one wanted to be on the show it seemed, and nothing here would have seemed to have mattered. That being said, it’s unlikely anyone watched it but if one person did, it beat Nitro that night. Horrible show though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 19, 2004
Location: MCI Center, Washington DC
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re still on the road to Summerslam and the big story coming out of last week saw Evolution beat down pretty much everyone in sight, including Eugene. I’m not sure how this is going to go anywhere other than more HHH time, but why mess with what has worked so well? For HHH that is of course. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Chris Benoit successfully defending the World Title against Eugene last week, leading to Evolution destroying the two of them plus William Regal. At least they finally got to the logical part of this rather over complicated story.

Say it with me: here’s HHH to open things up. HHH says he’s not too proud of what he did last week and it was probably even below him. It made him feel rotten but once he thought about it, of course he felt better because it’s just Eugene. He knows Eugene isn’t here tonight so get close to the TV and understand this: HHH hates him and so does Evolution. Everyone here hates Eugene and is embarrassed by him, even his mom.

Eugene has no business being here because he isn’t normal. Just in case Eugene still doesn’t get it, here’s a clip from after Raw with Regal and Benoit checking on Eugene and crying as he was taken out on a stretcher. HHH: “There’s no crying in wrestling!” This brings out Eric Bischoff, who is so proud of HHH that he’s giving him another World Title shot next week. As I sigh heavily, Bischoff makes it even worse by making it a sixty minute Iron Man match.

HHH has a busy night next week so he can have tonight off while Benoit faces Batista. After HHH promises some violence, here’s Regal to interrupt. He doesn’t like what HHH and Bischoff have done so the fight is on with Regal beating the heck out of HHH and sending him into the steps. Security takes him away and Regal’s bugging out eyes are a great visual, as tends to be the case for him.

Sylvan Grenier vs. Tajiri

Robert Conway and Rhyno are the seconds. Tajiri comes out to interrupt the French National Anthem and starts a USA chant so we can get going. A cartwheel kick…I think misses but Grenier goes down anyway, meaning it’s time for some more kicking until Conway offers a distraction. Grenier gets in a suplex to take over and it’s off to the corner for some shoulders to the ribs.

A slam sets up the chinlock, which of course brings Tajiri right back to life. The handspring elbow sets up a superkick for two on Grenier and the Tarantula makes things even worse. The referee goes after Rhyno for some reason, allowing Conway to get in a flag shot. Grenier hits a faceplant and grabs the tights for the pin.

Rating: C. This was shockingly watchable and the best Grenier match I’ve ever seen (ok so there have been like two) with a decent little story and some nice action. That’s about as good as you can ask for from these two and the eventual title match should be fine. For an opening match, this was a rather nice little surprise.

Video on the weekend’s house shows. Attendance must be down again.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel and the guests are the ten finalists in the Diva Search. Jericho plugs the voting opening tonight where you can pick your favorite but the one with the fewest votes is gone. The women get to introduce themselves and we have Michelle (McCool), Christy (Hemme), Julie (from Kentucky, as people should be), Camille, Maria (Kanellis), Tracie, Carmella (DeCesare), Chandra (the twin of the other one from Kentucky), Amy (Weber) and Joy (Giovanni), all of whom are booed out of the building.

Jericho gets to the point of tonight: there’s an immunity envelope in Eric Bischoff’s office and they’re all going to destroy the place to find it. Jericho marches them through the building to the office (Jericho: “I’m the Pied Piper but they’re not rats!”) and they eventually wreck the whole place, including going through Bischoff’s briefcase. This goes on way too long of course and I’m sure the fans who paid for tickets to the show are thrilled to watch a bad reality show segment on a video screen. King has a good question: “What does the immunity envelope look like?”

That’s not actually answered, but here’s Bischoff to yell at all of them for wrecking the office. As it turns out, there is no envelope because Bischoff is in charge of the whole contest and came up with the whole idea. They admit that Jericho put them up to it while doing their model stances and smirking through the entire thing. This is up there on the list of all time worst ideas in Raw history and it’s only going to get worse.

Tyson Tomko vs. Hurricane

Tomko has Trish with him so Hurricane debuts Stacy Keibler as his new manager. Stacy offers an early distraction but Tomko is fine enough to slam Hurricane off the top. The Blockbuster gets Hurricane out of trouble for a bit and a running dropkick sends Tomko into the corner. Trish goes after Hurricane so he grabs her hair, allowing Tomko to kick Hurricane in the face for the pin. Why debut the new manager if he’s going to lose in less than two minutes?

Post match Trish hits Stacy with the cast but here’s Rosey, now with an actual superhero costume, for the save. You could have done the same thing without Hurricane losing that way.

HHH talks to Batista about his upcoming match.

King reads some excerpts from Ric Flair’s book where he buries Bret Hart and Mick Foley. Probably just jealous that their books are better.

Chris Benoit vs. Batista

Non-title. The early chops just annoy Batista so Benoit goes with the rolling German suplexes instead. Batista is up too fast for the Swan Dive so Benoit goes with a basement dropkick. That doesn’t work either so Batista grabs a backbreaker to take him down. Benoit takes him down and tries a Sharpshooter but gets kicked away. The big German suplex sends Batista outside so Benoit tries the Crossface out there.

Since that would be a big waste of time, Batista shrugs him off and into the post to really take over. Back in and Batista chokes away before raining down right hands to the head. The fans get behind Benoit so Batista crushes his head with a knee. With Benoit’s comebacks getting on his nerves, Batista ties his foot on the rope and kicks Benoit in the head….for a DQ.

Rating: C+. That’s how you make Batista look like a monster as Benoit, even at his best, couldn’t do anything to stop him. Batista looked awesome here with some of the best stuff he’s done so far. His improvements over the last year, or even six months, have been nothing short of remarkable as he’s turned into one of the better monsters I’ve seen in a long time. Very entertaining match here, with Batista getting a lot out of it.

Post match Batista beats on Benoit even more, drawing some cheers (hometown boy might have something to do with it). JR points out that Batista never tried to pin him, because that wasn’t the point of the match.

During the break, Benoit could barely stand.

Lita talks to Matt Hardy in the back but he doesn’t have time for this whole thing. He doesn’t know how to handle the situation, which Lita can understand. One way or another, with or without him though, she’s having the baby. Has no one gotten a blood test yet?

Randy Orton isn’t happy with hearing about his loss because Edge is a fluke. Edge’s first Intercontinental Title reign lasted one day and Orton’s lasted seven months. Edge comes in and talks about Orton having self esteem issues. Edge: “I’d have self esteem issues too if my dad made his career being Roddy Piper’s personal b****.” The rematch is set for tonight.

How to vote in the Diva Search. This is edited out of the Network version.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Jericho goes straight at him to start and Kane charges into a raised boot in the corner. That just annoys Kane, who drops some elbows for two. Kane misses a charge in the corner though and Jericho nails a top rope back elbow for two of his own. The Lionsault hurts Jericho’s knee though and they head outside where Jericho posts him a few times. An enziguri is enough to get Kane counted out in a bit of a surprising finish.

It’s so surprising that Bischoff says we’ll redo it as a falls count anywhere match with no countouts or DQ. Back from a break with Kane in control but getting low bridged to the floor. That means a big dive off the top for two on the floor so Kane drops him face first onto the barricade for the same. They fight into the crowd with Kane sending him into a barricade for two. A drop toehold sends Kane face first into a hockey board and a camera crane to the face makes it a lot worse. Cue Batista to blast Jericho with the clothesline and Kane gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Not too bad here with Batista again getting a nice rub. Jericho could go toe to toe with Kane for a good while but Batista takes him out with a single clothesline? Speaking of which, it’s a clothesline, but they’re getting it over by having it be devastating. That’s the case with any move: let it win matches and the move will be over because wins and losses still matter to fans.

We go to some highlights from the Diva Search Casting Special, where all ten were chosen. In other words, it’s an excuse to have them all in swimsuits. That’s all well and good for one of these specials but keep it far off Raw, especially with the long segments.

Here they are again, this time in bikinis. In case you haven’t established that they look great yet.

Smackdown Rebound.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Orton vs. Edge

Edge is defending after winning the title last week. Orton takes him down in very short order and it’s already a staredown. This time it’s Edge wrestling him down and it’s an exchange of waistlocks. They both try dropkicks for another stalemate until Orton sends Edge to the apron where he snaps Randy’s arm over the rope. Orton takes him to the floor and drops Edge back first onto the barricade to send Edge into the crowd. That allows Orton to pose a bit (a specialty) before we take a break.

Back with Orton twisting Edge’s neck and dropping a knee for two. The chinlock goes on so Orton can rip at Edge’s face until the comeback is on. They hit stereo crossbodies for a double knockdown but Edge scores with a big boot. An Oklahoma roll gives Edge two and he spears Orton out to the floor for a crash into the barricade. Back in and Edge scores with the missile dropkick for two more.

The regular spear misses so Edge settles for a neckbreaker for another near fall. The referee gets bumped and that means it’s time to grab a chair. Edge cuts him down with the spear but there’s still no referee. Orton’s low blow into an RKO gets the very slow two and Edge is right back with another spear for another near fall. Another RKO is countered into a backslide and Edge throws his feet onto the ropes for the pin (cheating again).

Rating: B. I liked it better than the Vengeance match because it cut out the long and boring sequence at the start to get us straight to the awesome stuff that these two can do against each other. Edge cheating is still weird to see in his current run, but hopefully it’s leading somewhere. Good, solid, back and forth match here as both guys continue to look great.

Edge points to his head and the announcers plug the Iron Man match to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The Diva Search stuff killed the show but Batista got a nice push and the main event was very good. Other than that though, it’s a pretty forgettable show without much of interest going on. HHH going after the World Title again was expected but it was nice to have Eugene gone for a week. He’s already overstayed his welcome (at least this version of him has) so cutting down on him for a week or two is a good idea. Not a very good show, but it had good parts when you ignore all the bad ideas.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 12, 2004
Location: Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, New Hampshire
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Vengeance and while Chris Benoit is still World Champion, the big story is HHH (yeah yeah of course it is) and Eugene, who cost HHH the title with an accidental chair shot. I’m sure we now get to see the REAL HHH as he wants to get his revenge for his plan screwing up, which will in no way shape or form dominate the show for the next few weeks. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with Evolution in the back with HHH saying hands off Eugene tonight because he gets him first. Batista wants him first because he had to take Eugene to Chuck E. Cheese. Everyone protests and HHH says he had it worst out of all of them because he’s HHH and it’s always about him. A very sad looking Eugene comes in but HHH smiles at him. Everyone makes mistakes and friends are friends. HHH isn’t mad at him but Eric Bischoff probably is.

Eugene has to go see him now and leaves, so Orton asks the obvious question: when do we get to go to Chuck E. Cheese? Or maybe that’s what I’d ask. Orton asks WHY ARE THEY NOT DESTROYING EUGENE (I’d like to know myself) but HHH says that once they see what Bischoff has in mind for Eugene, it’ll make sense. So if HHH knows, why is he not telling them? You mean this hasn’t been mentioned all day? I know HHH likes to have these huge schemes but at this point, it’s getting so stupid that it’s out of character for him.

Opening sequence.

Edge vs. Batista

Non-title. JR and King are already putting over Orton vs. Edge as an all time classic and I still don’t get it. Yeah it was long, but that doesn’t mean it was some masterpiece, especially with that much chinlocking. Batista shoves him down a few times to start so Edge tries a headlock for the slightest bit more of success. By that I mean it lasts all of ten seconds before Batista shoves him away again. This time it’s some right hands to the head for little effect as Batista gets in his own shot to the head to take over.

Choking both in the corner and on the ropes fire Edge up for some reason and it’s a middle rope ax handle to stagger Batista. A hard whip into the corner slows Edge down but he drop toeholds Batista face first into the middle buckle. Edge dropkicks him out to the floor and here’s Orton as we take a break. Back with Batista cranking on both arms and Orton already having been ejected. Geez Earl give him some time.

Edge fights up and King starts plugging the upcoming Divas Search segment. A side slam plants the champ again and we hit the camel clutch (which shows off Batista’s wedding ring). Batista lets go so he can shout at Edge and crash down onto his back again, because he’s learning how to be a villain just that fast. The Edge O Matic gets Edge out of trouble again and the Edgecution connects for two.

Batista sidesteps the spear though and it’s a spinebuster for two more. A Stunner over the ropes drops Batista one more time and a missile dropkick gives Edge yet another near fall. Edge tries the spear again but gets caught in a spinebuster, only to climb over Batista and roll him up with a grab of the rope for the pin.

Rating: B. Total heel move here for Edge, as he and Batista were even again after Orton’s quick ejection. I know it’s not a heel turn but that was about as clear cheating as you can get. That issue aside, this was a heck of a match here with Batista looking WAY ahead of where he should be at this stage of his career. He’s picked it up in a very fast hurry and he’s becoming a lot of fun to watch every time he’s out there. Edge needing to cheat to win is a great sign for Batista and a sign that WWE understands that Edge’s face run isn’t exactly working.

Eugene comes in to see Bischoff….who is very proud of him. He was proud of Eugene for doing a great job last week so tonight, Eugene can have a title shot against Benoit. So HHH’s plan is to have Eugene win the title, likely through help from Evolution, and then take the title himself. In other words, exactly what Vengeance should have been but with Evolution destroying Benoit instead of Eugene? Am I missing something here?

Lawler is on the stage and gets to introduce three of the finalists in the Diva Search before the casting special on Thursday. First up is Candice Michelle, who was in Dodgeball and will be in the Lingerie Bowl. That gets a reaction, even though it’s about seven months away. Oh and she can touch her tongue to her nose. I guess we get to waste time with the others later.

Flair isn’t happy about Eugene getting a title shot but he’s happy about his autobiography being a success. He’s still not done ranting about Eugene though because last week he played Ring Around the Rosey. Again, it was a bunch of chairs in a ring and Rosey was nowhere to be seen. Hurricane comes in to say that while he shouldn’t be seen conversing with Flair, he’d like an autograph in his copy of Flair’s book.

Flair says not so fast because Hurricane is a joke in a stupid costume. Hurricane isn’t even upset because it’s not as good as Rock’s book. Or Hogan’s book. Or even CHYNA’S book. Dang when is the last time you heard her name on Raw? Flair drops him with one punch and the match is made for tonight. Ric punching out a comedy guy seems like the most Flair thing he could do.

Rhyno vs. Robert Conway

Tajiri is here to counter Sylvan Grenier. Rhyno gets caught in a headlock to start and a hair pull takes him down to the mat. Conway sends him outside for some assisted stomping and it’s already off to the chinlock. Rhyno’s comeback doesn’t take long and it’s a backdrop into a belly to belly for two. The spinebuster makes things worse but Grenier grabs Rhyno’s foot. Tajiri SMASHES him in the back of the head with a kick (that looked great) and now the Gore connects to give Rhyno the pin.

Rating: D. No time for this to go anywhere but it did what it needed to do and an awesome kick to the head. It’s not like there are any other teams to fight for the titles at the moment and Tajiri and Rhyno don’t have anything else going on. There’s nothing wrong with throwing two people together into a team, even if it’s for a one off title match.

Tyson Tomko vs. Maven

Trish Stratus and Nidia are here as well. Tomko throws him around to start and gets two off a fall away slam. Nidia grabs the foot though and it’s time for some stalking, allowing Maven to knock him off the apron. Back in and Tomko drops him throat first across the top but gets dropkicked for two. A Trish distraction doesn’t work and Tomko kicks Maven in the head for the pin. Way messier than it should have been but as bad as I was expecting.

William Regal comes in to see Benoit and says that while he knows Benoit doesn’t like him, Eugene is a different story. HHH and Evolution are inside Eugene’s head and Regal just wants him to be ok. Benoit cares about Eugene but tonight it’s about the World Heavyweight Title and he’ll do whatever it takes to retain. Regal looks nervous.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel. Jericho lists off some of his career accomplishments but last week he topped it all by winning MUSICAL CHAIRS BABY! As fun as that was, we have some serious issues to deal with tonight. That’s why we’re dealing with things right here, so here’s Kane as the first guest. Kane, with the mic not working very well, says he doesn’t like Jericho making fun of him. Other than that though, he’s not happy with Lita for costing him the match at Vengeance against Matt Hardy.

Kane demands she come out here right now so here’s Lita. She’s made him angry and bad things happen when he gets angry. Lita doesn’t want to hear about this because Kane isn’t going to do a thing. If Kane wants to talk about suffering, it’s possibly being impregnated by a man you despise. Or having the one man you love not speaking to you. Or waking up not knowing who the father of your baby is. Kane smiles and says he’ll just take this out on Matt because he has the power to create and end life. Lita still isn’t scared because Kane couldn’t be the baby’s father since he’s not man enough to be.

She leaves so Kane starts breaking things, with Jericho going over to save the Jeritron 5000. Kane throws him out and leaves but Jericho wants to fight. Jericho accuses Kane of leaving prematurely, just like everything else he does prematurely. Jericho: “You just got punked out by a chick! Lawler, you can cancel this Diva Search because we just found a winner!” The insults keep coming until a question about Kane’s manhood bring him back.

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Joined in progress with Kane holding a chinlock until Jericho fights up and dropkicks him into the corner. A high crossbody gives Jericho two but Kane drops him throat first across the top. Jericho’s ribs are bent around the post and a side slam sets up a weird looking cover for two. Some knees to the back keep Jericho in trouble and the bearhug makes it even worse.

Jericho fights up and hits a running crotch attack to the back, only to get kicked in the face for his efforts. The top rope clothesline is dropkicked out of the air and they’re both down. Back up and Jericho avoids a running big boot in the corner so the Walls can go on. That lasts all of five seconds as Kane is too close to the rope. And with nothing else working, Kane punches him low for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not too bad here until the ending. It’s a good idea to have Kane switch over to fighting someone else instead of facing Hardy again the night after losing to him at Vengeance. That’s something that WWE almost refuses to do today. Let them have a one off match like this to keep the feud a little more fresh. Why can’t that be the case more often?

Post match Kane chokeslams Jericho and the referee at the same time.

Lawler brings out the second Diva Search contestant: Nina Harden, who plays to the crowd and smiles a lot. She also makes her own clothes because she’s passionate about them. Lawler has her dance a bit and that’s it, thank goodness. It takes something extra stupid to make a good looking woman dancing boring and they’ve made it work.

Smackdown Rebound.

Ric Flair vs. Hurricane

Hurricane hammers him down to start and that means a Flair Flop. Back up and Flair sends him shoulder first into the post to take over. Chops set up the knee drop and it’s right back to the arm in a smart move. Hurricane fights back and sends him over the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor and Flair’s ear is bleeding.

A low blow gets Flair out of trouble but Hurricane kicks him in the face. The Blockbuster gets two so Hurricane goes up again, allowing Flair to crotch him back down. The standard leg work begins but this time Flair takes him outside for a right hand to the knee to add a little flavor. A knee drop sets up the Figure Four and Hurricane taps completely clean.

Rating: D. Nothing to this one with Flair just doing his old stuff and winning clean. The problem is that it’s Flair in there with a guy like Hurricane, who should be more than a guy tapping out to Flair in 2004. This was pretty lame stuff and felt like filler, which isn’t a good sign for someone who is part of the top heel faction.

Clip from a Smackdown Your Vote rally.

It’s time for the third Diva Search hopeful: Carmella DeCesare, who talks about her puppies. They would be a chocolate lab and a poodle. Lawler: “That’s great. Whatever.” She really wants to work for Vince McMahon and her special talent is being the 2004 Playmate of the Year. A quick hello to Hugh Hefner wraps this up, thank goodness.

Benoit interrupts Eugene’s chat with a stuffed animal and says he wants a clean wrestling match tonight. Eugene seems hesitant but agrees.

Raw World Title: Eugene vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending. JR says Benoit went 38 minutes last night against HHH. The match wasn’t even half an hour so I don’t know where they got that one, though HHH matches do have a history of feeling like they’re going on forever. Eugene tries to chop with Benoit to start and actually claps after getting the skin ripped off his chest. A belly to back suplex gives Benoit two and it’s time to roll the German suplexes.

It’s way too early for the Swan Dive though and Eugene gets two of his own off the crash. Eugene’s Pedigree attempt is backdropped so he gives Benoit a spinebuster but the People’s Elbow is pulled down into a Sharpshooter. A rope is grabbed in a hurry and Eugene snaps, nailing some right hands for two more.

Eugene rolls some German suplexes and puts on a Crossface (his finishing moves in OVW, where he was basically a Benoit clone) in the middle of the ring. Benoit gets a foot on the ropes so Eugene sends him shoulder first into the post. Lawler: “That was brilliant! I didn’t just say that did I?” The Rock Bottom gives Eugene three, though Benoit’s foot was on the rope. Eugene celebrates with the title….and here’s Evolution to beat both of them down for the no contest.

Rating: D+. And Eugene is done as far as anything entertaining. The problem is that Eugene had a firm ceiling and a very short shelf life. They’ve completely ignored both of those things and put Eugene in so far over his head (the character, not Nick Dinsmore, who could possibly hang in there with a regular gimmick) that there’s no getting out. It was fine when Eugene was having goofy comedy matches with Rob Conway or the Coach, but now he’s going move for move with Chris Benoit.

There’s no logical way that this can work and the charm is gone. Eugene should have maxed out as a comedy guy who occasionally beats a midcard heel. Now he’s the key to the whole World Title picture, even though HHH can’t quite explain why he’s using Eugene instead of, you know, the army that he has at his disposal. The story does make sense if you squint enough, but it’s WAY more complicated than it needs to be. Anyway, the match wasn’t terrible, but it didn’t make sense and I couldn’t get around that.

The big beatdown is on, with Benoit, Eugene (busted open) and an invading William Regal getting destroyed.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the best show in the world, and it’s very clear that Vengeance was the annual pit stop show on the way to Summerslam. They need to drop the Eugene stuff in a hurry and then find someone fresh to challenge Benoit for the title. The HHH stuff is completely played out (shocking I know) and it’s time for something fresh.

The rest of the show ranged from good with Edge vs. Batista to bleh with Flair vs. Hurricane. Raw is up and down right now and the stuff that used to work isn’t as effective as it once was. It’s not a horrible show or anything but it’s trending in the wrong direction. The good thing is some fresh stories for Summerslam could perk it up, but I’m worried about what happens if they keep hammering these current ones in.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

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