Survivor Series 2004
Date: November 14, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Aside from the matches mentioned already, there are two other major matches. First up we have Team Kurt Angle vs. Team Eddie Guerrero to continue their rivalry which started back at Wrestlemania XX. Angle couldn’t take the title from Eddie but became GM of Smackdown, vowing to make Eddie’s life miserable. On top of that we have Undertaker (once again the Dead Man) facing off with Heidenreich, Paul Heyman’s latest monster. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about the seventeen years this show has run already.

The set looks cool here as it’s made of six screens which I guess will act as the Titantron tonight.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

Spike is defending and is a heel here. This is one fall to a finish. Kidman hurt Chavo on a Shooting Star Press and seemed to be proud of it, which resulted in a heel turn for him. The other good thing here is that they don’t have to tag. As usual, this doesn’t last long before things break down. Kidman and Spike form a quick alliance, only to have Kidman dropkick the champ out to the floor.

Rey sends Kidman to the floor and it’s off to Rey vs. Chavo, who are still friends at this point. Rey spins Chavo around with a headscissors before Spike sends Rey into the corner and stomps away with some screaming thrown in. Chavo comes back in and a double clothesline puts he and Spike down. With Kidman on the apron, Rey hits a hurricanrana to send him out to the floor in a cool looking spot.

Back in and Rey tries the sitout bulldog on Chavo but Guerrero throws him onto Kidman in a seated senton. Chavo dives on both of them, leaving Spike standing ta….short actually. Anyway the champ dives on all of them but they step aside to let him crash. Chavo finally gets his hands on Billy back in the ring but Spike comes back in to break up a pinfall attempt.

Rey misses a moonsault over Spike’s head and gets thrown to the floor as a result. We get a Tower of Doom with everyone minus Rey involved, so Rey comes in and tries to steal a pin. Rey charges at Kidman but gets caught in a BK Bomb (Sky High) for two but Chavo breaks up the Shooting Star. Spike hits a running headbutt to Rey’s ribs but the Dudley Dog is broken up. The 619 hits Spike but Billy breaks up the West Coast Pop. Chavo hits the Gory Bomb on Spike but Kidman hits a slingshot legdrop on Chavo. Rey takes out Kidman and Spike steals the pin on Chavo to retain.

Rating: B-. Not a great match or anything here but it was fine for an opener. Rey was insanely popular still but Spike keeping the title was a great way to tick off the fans. There’s nothing wrong with a heel winning, as long as the opener fires up the crowd, which this did. Good choice.

Heidenreich is getting fired up by Heyman when Paul goes to get his jacket. Snitsky, another creepy heel of the day, comes in. He says he likes Heidenreich’s poetry and Heidenreich likes what Snitsky does to babies (as in punting them into the crowd). There’s WAY too much deep breathing here. This was almost who Undertaker and Kane fought at Wrestlemania before the company woke up and stuck Orton against Undertaker instead.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

Shelton, a young, very athletic guy who used to be in a tag team, is defending but the Waterproof Blonde version of Christian’s theme makes him far more awesome. Shelton is at the point in his career when he’s about to get on one of the biggest rolls in years but it never went anywhere past the Intercontinental Title. The champ cranks on the arm to start before they head to the mat. Keeping in mind that Shelton was a legit All-American wrestler, he’s just fine being on the mat with Christian.

Christian cranks on the arm but Shelton drops to the mat and immediately nips up which looked great. It didn’t do anything but it looked great. Christian talks trash and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Shelton skins the cat before hitting a great looking springboard clothesline for two. A HARD chop slows Benjamin down and Christian talks some more trash. Shelton counters a monkey flip by casually landing on his feet and grabs an Oklahoma Roll for two.

We head to the floor for a quick distraction by Tomko (Christian’s bodyguard) but Christian gets punched in the face instead. Tomko tries to cheat again and this time the distraction is enough to let Christian get in a shot. Why that creepy little bas…..never mind. A cross body gets two for Shelton but Christian immediately puts him back down with a neckbreaker. Off to a chinlock (Tomko: “BREAK HIS NECK!”) by Christian and he launches Benjamin to the floor as he tries to break the hold.

Shelton comes back with a hard whip into the corner to put Christian down. A Russian legsweep gets two for the champ as does a slingshot reverse suplex (called a reverse fisherman’s suplex by JR). Benjamin misses a Stinger Splash and gets caught in a reverse DDT for two. Tomko slides the belt in (hitting the referee in the foot in the process) but Shelton kicks Christian in the face.

The referee sees Christian holding the belt, which lets Benjamin hit a top rope clothesline for two. As the belt is being put out, Tomko kicks Benjamin in the face for two. The Exploder Suplex (Benjamin’s finisher, a snap floatover T-Bone suplex) is countered but Benjamin kicks Tomko down. The Unprettier is countered into the Exploder for the pin to keep the title on Benjamin.

Rating: B. I really got into this match at the end even though Christian didn’t have much of a chance at winning. The Tomko and belt stuff didn’t help anything but they had to try to slow Shelton down a bit. Benjamin was in the beginning of a very long run with the belt that would last until June, which was the longest reign in about six years.

Really good match here as Christian put Shelton over strong. There’s a reason this guy basically had the world title waiting for him on a plate whenever he stepped up enough to take it, but that never happened for various reasons. Namely he just stopped trying and coasted on his reputation, but that’s another story.

Angle complains to Edge about something Edge wrote in his book about him. Kurt makes fun of Edge for never winning the World Title. They trade some insults before Kurt leaves and runs into Eugene, Eric Bischoff’s mentally slow nephew who just happened to be a talented wrestler. Eugene lists off (slowly) some of Angle’s accomplishments before singing the You Suck version of his theme song.

Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero

Kurt Angle, Carlito Caribbean Cool, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak

Eddie Guerrero, John Cena, Rob Van Dam, Big Show

Eddie and Angle have been feuding since Wrestlemania. Carlito, the son of a Puerto Rican legend, debuted and beat Cena for the US Title before injuring Cena in a nightclub (or having someone do it. The attacker was never revealed but it might have been Carlito’s buddy Jesus). Big Show is feuding with Reigns (an enforcer type character) and Jindrak (a very athletic guy who didn’t do much in America) and Angle for shaving his head, and Van Dam is there as a warm body. Got all that?

Before the bell, Cena chases Carlito and Jesus to the back and gets in a brawl with them. Carlito and Jesus steal a car and speed away, which counts as an elimination. Back at ringside there’s a big brawl until Show (on a bad ankle) pulls Jindrak into the ring. Here’s Cena back to the ring to make it 4-3. Off to Van Dam who hits a spin kick before it’s off to Eddie for the slingshot hilo, followed by Rolling Thunder from Van Dam.

Eddie suplexes Jindrak down and armdrags Reigns as he headscissors Jindrak in a cool move. Angle comes in to stop his team’s bleeding but it’s quickly back to Reigns for a bunch of backbreakers for two. Off to Jindrak for a full nelson but Eddie sends him into the buckle. Eddie dives for the corner but Angle literally tackles Guerrero to break it up. Kurt hits a belly to belly before bringing in Reigns for more stomping.

Off to a chinlock from Jindrak but Eddie eventually grabs a jawbreaker to escape. Angle again blocks the tag and puts on a front facelock. One thing to note here: the entire time the hold is on, Cena is reaching out for a tag and encouraging Eddie. It doesn’t mean much, but it helps things from getting really boring. Little things like that can make a big difference. Watch guys like Rock and Hogan when they’re on the apron in tag matches. They’re ALWAYS doing something, even if it’s minor like clapping. It can make a difference.

Jindrak comes in but Eddie knocks him away and it’s off to Van Dam. Rob goes off (Cole: “He’s supple!”) and hits an enziguri on Angle to set up the Five Star but Jindrak pulls him away. The Splash hits Jindrak, allowing Angle to roll up Rob (using the ropes) for the pin. Angle heads to the floor so Eddie rolls up the illegal Jindrak, using the ropes as well, for an elimination to make it 3-2 (Eddie/Show/Cena vs. Reigns/Angle).

Eddie tells Angle to bring it on and there go the straps. Eddie tags in Show, making Angle tag in Reigns. Reigns gets in one or two shots but a chokeslam beats him quickly. Kurt rolls through a chokeslam into the ankle lock but Show sends him through the ropes to escape. Angle starts to walk up the aisle but Van Dam is waiting on him. Kurt backs up while still looking at RVD, and backs into Show. He reaches up to see how tall what he backed into is and shakes his head. Show throws Kurt back in to face Cena (in for the first time legally) and it’s an FU and Frog Splash for the final elimination.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t a good match but it was entertaining, which is more than you got from almost all of last year’s show. I’m guessing Cena and Carlito were injured as they didn’t do anything for the most part. Angle was great here and the look on his face when he backed into Big Show always makes me chuckle. Fun match here, which is all you need sometimes.

Maven (the first Tough Enough winner and on Team Orton tonight in the biggest match of his career) offers to demonstrate his skills to Coach but Snitsky jumps Maven and busts him open. This would be how they would keep Maven out of a PPV main event for most of the match when they realized that he was in WAY over his head.

Video on Heidenreich vs. Undertaker, where Heidenreich is the latest guy to try to kill Undertaker at Paul Heyman’s direction. This was one of those matches where they were trying to make it seem like Undertaker was in trouble but Heidenreich comes off like the villain in the fifth direct to video sequel in a horror series that has overstayed its welcome by two movies.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Heidenreich comes out in a straightjacket because he might attack more plants, as had been his custom in recent weeks. Undertaker does the big long entrance to get the crowd back into things. He stares at Heidenreich for a few moments before the beating begins. A charge in the corner runs into a Heidenreich elbow but the Dead Man will have none of this being on defense stuff. Undertaker works on the arm but a Heyman distraction lets Heidenreich crotch Undertaker to break up Old School. He crotches Undertaker against the post again and we head to the floor.

Heidenreich pounds away on Undertaker against the barricade while shouting that he can beat him. Undertaker shrugs that off again and hits the legdrop on the apron for two. Old School hits the second time followed by a modified Downward Spiral for two. A big boot misses Heidenreich in the corner and it’s time for more punching on the floor. This isn’t one of those matches where the fans are worried about Undertaker as I don’t think anyone bought Heidenreich as a real threat.

A kick to Undertaker’s face sets up a chinlock and a clothesline for two. Another clothesline stops Undertaker’s comeback but a suplex stops the stopping of the comeback. Heidenreich sends him to the apron but Undertaker stuns him on the top rope. Undertaker channels his inner Kane (he had the name first) and hits a top rope clothesline for two. Back in and Snake Eyes/the big boot takes Heidenreich down again.

The chokeslam is broken up and Heidenreich gets two off a Boss Man Slam. Then like an idiot, Heidenreich punches away in the corner while Undertaker arms are down. The obvious Last Ride only gets two though as Heidenreich grabs the rope. Heidenreich tries a sleeper but Undertaker is like boy please and suplexes out of it almost immediately. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish this quick.

Rating: D. Like I said at the end of the day, did ANYONE buy Heidenreich as a real threat to Undertaker? The guy just wasn’t that good and he came off as more silly than a serious threat. Not much to see here and Heidenreich never got higher than he did in this match. Undertaker would move on to a much better feud with Orton soon enough to try and make people forget about this mess.

Bischoff says Maven is out of the main event and if he allows Orton to add a replacement, HHH will complain and Eric will lose his vacation, which is the point of the main event.

We recap Trish vs. Lita, which is happening because….well who else are they going to fight? Lita got pregnant with Kane’s baby but lost it because of Snitsky. Trish made fun of Lita for being a sl**, having a dead baby, and of course for being fat.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish is defending. Lita is all ticked off and punches Trish, who is coming in with a broken nose, as soon as she gets in. Trish gets pounded even more and they head to the floor where Trish goes into a table and gets cracked with a chair 80 seconds into the match for the DQ. This wasn’t much, but these two would main event Raw in a few weeks. I don’t mean a match that went on last and then they had the promo that closed the show. I mean they spent the whole show hyping up Trish Stratus vs. Lita as the main event and Lita won the title and celebrated to end the show. It was quite the moment and a big deal.

Teddy comes in to congratulate Team Guerrero while Show is in a towel. Show hands the towel to Teddy and walks off. Cena: “THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Teddy makes Cena vs. Carlito for the title on Thursday. Why is Cena in his underwear?

We recap Booker T vs. JBL. Booker pinned JBL in a tag match but JBL says Booker isn’t in his league. Booker beat up Orlando Jordan (JBL’s lackey) and pinned him to earn the title shot. There really isn’t much to this one.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T

JBL is defending and Booker’s big yellow gloves don’t really do him any favors. Feeling out process to start as they trade really basic stuff for the first minute and a half. Booker knocks him to the floor and JBL gets the advantage coming back in. Back to the floor and Booker gets sent over the announce table. As they head back in, Jordan gets in a cheap shot to give JBL two. Still in first gear at best.

JBL hooks in a cobra clutch followed by an elbow drop and a chinlock. After that VICIOUS offense, Booker easily fights back and hits a superplex to put both guys down. Orlando gets in some more cheap shots on the floor but JBL walks into a Book End out there to give Booker his first real advantage. Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Booker. They’re into second gear now but it’s just not an interesting match.

Booker goes up but another Jordan distraction lets JBL avoid a Houston Hangover (flip legdrop). Another sleeper by JBL is escaped but Jordan breaks up the ax kick. JBL hits a quick DDT for two and there goes the referee. Jordan comes in and pounds on Booker but Josh Matthews comes out to help Booker for reasons that aren’t important enough to explain. JBL destroys Josh but there’s the side kick to JBL. The ax kick takes him down as well but Jordan takes out the referee. Booker hits the Book End on Jordan but JBL clocks Booker with the belt to retain.

Rating: D. This just didn’t work. Basically they were redoing the HHH/Flair run from 2003 with Jordan interfering every ten seconds and the matches sucking and the crowd groaning when JBL retains the title. JBL is a hilarious commentator and a solid main event jobber, but the guy was painfully boring as champion.

Batista and HHH are ready for the main event.

We recap the main event which is Team HHH vs. Team Orton. Team Orton has united to oppose HHH’s tyranny and the winning team gets to run Raw for a week each. Snitsky has said that when Team HHH wins, he’s coming for HHH’s World Title, and Edge has said the same. Batista has been looking at the title too so HHH is rather nervous. This gets the music video treatment for the night. Maven and Snitsky stick out like two shattered thumbs in this whole thing.

Team HHH vs. Team Orton

HHH, Edge, Batista, Gene Snitsky

Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven

HHH is World Champion and Maven isn’t here due to the earlier attack. It’s interesting to think that it would be Batista rather than Orton that would rise up out of this match as the real star. Not that Orton isn’t a star, but Batista was without a doubt the biggest star in the company in 2005 and part of 2006. For some reason Edge comes out last. Benoit vs. Edge to start which is fine with me. Benoit destroys Edge and knocks him to the floor to start but it’s off to Orton vs. Snitsky.

Orton pounds him down with ease before it’s Jericho in off the tag. HHH comes in but Jericho immediately elbows him down and brings in Orton to no response. Orton can’t challenge for the World Title because of some stipulation due to losing to Flair. What a great way to make sure the fans get behind him there right? It doesn’t matter how awesome he is because he’s not getting a shot at anything.

Batista comes in and has some better luck with Randy, firing off shoulders into the corner. Edge is in now and he mocks Orton’s pose in an often done bit. Edge draws in Jericho for no apparent reason, but it allows Orton to clothesline Edge back down. Off to Benoit as the fans are dead for this match. It couldn’t be because Orton is a lame duck and everyone knows it of course. Benoit cleans house and suplexes everyone in sight. Edge prevents a swan dive onto HHH, so HHH suplexes Edge onto HHH and swan dives both of them for two.

Everything breaks down even more and HHH gets caught in the Sharpshooter by Benoit. Snitsky makes the save and Edge gets caught in the Crossface. This time Batista saves, allowing HHH to Pedigree Benoit and give Edge the pin for the elimination. Jericho comes in to pound away on Edge but HHH and Snitsky get in an argument. Batista comes to HHH’s defense but has to break up the Walls on HHH instead.

Flair trips up Jericho and gets ejected for his efforts. Flair walks up the aisle but comes back a second later to allow Batista to kill Orton and Jericho. There’s the spinebuster to Jericho but Orton hits Big Dave with the belt, allowing Jericho to hit the enziguri on Batista for the pin. Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to knock Snitsky onto HHH on the floor but Batista kills Jericho with the clothesline before leaving.

It’s Snitsky vs. Jericho with Snitsky choking away. Edge comes in and pounds on his fellow Canadian but gets caught in the sleeper drop to put both guys down. Orton gets shoved to the floor and Edge and HHH double team him for a bit. Jericho DDTs Snitsky down….and here comes Maven. He goes right after Snitsky and takes him down with a forearm as things seem to go into slow motion.

Maven bulldogs HHH down and is all fired up, but Snitsky kills him with a chair shot for a DQ. HHH covers the dead Maven for the easy elimination. Edge keeps covering Jericho but can’t get more than a bunch of two’s. It’s Orton/Jericho vs. HHH/Edge now. A spear puts Jericho out and it’s 2-1 (HHH/Edge vs. Orton) with Orton in trouble. Orton says bring it on and is promptly beaten down in the corner.

Edge suplexes Orton down and holds him while HHH pounds away. Orton punches at HHH but gets DDT’d down for two. Edge comes back in and gets slammed down before getting dropkicked into HHH on the apron. That gets two off a rollup from Orton but he walks into a HHH spinebuster. We get the required heel miscommunication as Edge spears HHH down and walks into an RKO for the pin. It’s down to Orton vs. HHH with the champ hitting Orton low as Edge leaves. The Pedigree is countered into the RKO for the final pin.

Rating: B. The match was good stuff but as I said earlier, Orton pinning HHH doesn’t mean anything. Somehow Orton would get a title match at the Rumble where HHH would destroy Orton once and for all. I think I’m the only person on the planet that liked Orton’s first main event face run so I dug this at the time. It turned out they got lucky with Batista, but the Orton face run could have been more if HHH hadn’t hacked its legs off.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s some dull stuff here, but the good stuff really is solid as you can see the new generation ready to burst through. The main event was entertaining stuff and the fans did react to Orton pinning HHH clean. The Smackdown side of things was pretty lame but other than that, this was a solid show and I was digging it at the end. Good show.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

Original: B

Redo: B

Team Guerrero vs. Team Angle

Original: D

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D

Redo: D

Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T

Original: F

Redo: D

Team Orton vs. Team HHH

Original: B-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B-

In a rare instance, I liked this a lot better the second time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/13/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2004-eyebrows-huffman-main-events/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

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Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Aside from Lesnar, a lot of the roster for this show is the same. However, there are several wrestlers that have debuted for the company but aren’t on the show tonight. Over the summer, Batista, Randy Orton and John Cena all debuted and most of them made a strong impact upon arriving. We’ll be hearing more from them in the future but it’s not their time yet. Let’s get to it.

The intro video is almost all about the Chamber.

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match and it’s Bubba and Spike Dudley instead of D-Von due to the Brand Split. Spike and Bubba got put through the same table on Raw Monday to set this up. 3 Minute Warning (Jamal and Rosey) are two very large Samoans and Rico is their athletic stylist. The Dudleys and Jeff clear the ring to start and Spike is thrown into the arms of the Samoans. It’s Bubba vs. Rico in the ring at the moment, because putting Spike and Jeff against Jamal and Rosey is a great idea right? Bubba chops Rico HARD in the corner before things settle down.

What’s Up hits Jamal and we get to the tagging section of the match before everything breaks down again. Bubba tells Jeff to get the tables but Rosey runs over Bubba after Bubba sets up a table in the corner. A BIG backdrop puts Jeff on the floor and Rosey rams Spike’s head into a table. Rosey misses a charge and drives himself through a table in the corner but that doesn’t count because it wasn’t someone else putting him through.

Jeff tries a top rope dive at Rosey but literally bounces off. Rico brings in another table and gets caught in a Dudley Dog, but 3 Minute Warning catches him in a double powerbomb to put Spike through the table instead. Jeff and Bubba get slammed down but Bubba knocks Rosey off the top and Jeff sends Rico flying into a cameraman. Bubba pounds away but Rico hits a spinwheel kick to take his head off. Rico could go in the ring make no mistake.

Rosey and Jeff go out into the crowd and there’s a table out there with them. Well of course there is. Jeff is put on said table as Bubba gets kicked in the face by Rico. Jamal misses a splash and crushes Rico, allowing Bubba to Bubba Bomb Jamal and go to save Jeff. With Bubba’s help, Jeff goes up to the top of an entrance and hits a BIG Swanton through Rosey through the table to make it 2-2.

Back in the ring Jamal has Bubba on a table ready for a Rico moonsault, but he looks hesitant to launch. He looks over his shoulder and shouts “C’MON JEFF!” before staggering. THEN Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico crotches himself. Not the best response but that’s on Jeff more than Rico. Bubba tries a belly to back superplex through the table but Jamal moves it away. Jeff hits Whisper in the Wind to Jamal and follows it with a dropkick.

Hardy goes to the floor to get another table which he throws at Jamal. Jeff tries to run the railing but Jamal throws the table at Jeff, who goes flying through it. That doesn’t count which I can kind of agree with for a change. Jamal puts Jeff on another table and hits a HUGE splash off the top to eliminate Jeff. That looks awesome. Bubba beats on Rico in the ring but Jamal saves his sideburned buddy. Jamal goes up to try a top rope hurricanrana (I guess) on Bubba, only to get caught in a HUGE powerbomb through the table to get us down to one on one.

It’s Rico vs. Bubba with the former pounding away and pulling in another table. Rosey comes back in but Bubba pounds away on him too. Now Jamal is in there too and it’s D-VON to the rescue! He’s on Smackdown at this point so this is a big deal as people really didn’t jump from roster to roster. 3D puts Rico through the table to end this.

Rating: B-. That’s likely high but this was what you want to open a show. It helps a lot that this was a fifteen minute match instead of like six minutes like they are on Raw. This was fun and the pop for the reunion of the Dudleys (which would be permanent) was a feel good moment. Good stuff here and a good choice to open things up, especially in New York City.

Stacy is at the World (WWF New York) looking great. She introduces Saliva who is doing a mini-concert at the club. They perform Always here to eat up a few minutes and we get a video about the remaining matches.

RVD is stretching before the Chamber.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

Jamie (white trash from a trailer park) is defending and has Nidia (Tough Enough winner) with him. Kidman (talented cruiserweight from WCW) grabs two very fast rollups for two each and make that four in the first 30 seconds. Jamie bails to the floor but Kidman throws him right back in. Noble comes back with a neckbreaker and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Kidman gets thrown to the floor and Noble hits a suicide dive. Tazz: “I think Noble has something up his sleeve, but he’s not wearing a shirt so he has no sleeve.”

Back in and Kidman speeds things up with a back elbow and a dropkick followed by an AA into a backbreaker for two. A Falcon’s Arrow gets two for Noble so Kidman loads up a belly to back suplex position but he slams Noble down face first instead. Kidman loads up the Shooting Star but Noble bails to the floor. That’s fine with Billy so he dives on Noble out there to take the champ down again.

Back in and Nidia distracts Kidman but gets knocked off the apron by Kidman. The BK Bomb (Low Down) gets two for Kidman as does a Tiger Bomb for Noble. They go up top and Kidman hits a sitout inverted DDT. That was pretty awesome looking but it only gets two. Noble hits an elevated DDT for two out of the corner so Kidman hits an enziguri to take over again. Billy loads up the Shooting Star but a Nidia distraction….only delays Kidman as he hits the Shooting Star for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. These two got going good and strong at the end which is exactly what you want from a match like this. When you can get into the area of a match where it’s one big move after another and you’re just waiting on one of them to stay down, that’s a great sign. The Shooting Star looked great too. This wasn’t a masterpiece or anything but it was solid.

Angle and Benoit are in the back and Angle is incensed that Kidman could win a title. If he can win, then so can they, as long as Benoit stays out of the captain’s way. Benoit gets in his face but Angle says they should be friends to the end. Benoit offers a handshake but Angle says no way. Angle: “I don’t shake hands! Tag team partners hug!”

Victoria (new Diva) is still psycho here and looking in a mirror. Then she thinks it’s Trish and goes nuts.

We recap Trish vs. Victoria. Victoria is batty and claims that it’s because she and Trish used to work together as fitness models, but Trish slept her way to the top. Tonight it’s about revenge in a hardcore match.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending in a rematch after she beat Victoria last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.

Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.

It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a hurricanrana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Victoria off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick gets two for Trish and a bulldog gets the same. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish in the face. A followup suplex of all things is enough to give Victoria the pin and the title.

Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.

Booker is getting ready.

Bischoff brags about the Chamber for a bit. Big Show comes up and says he’ll show Eric why trading him to Smackdown was a bad idea.

Heyman is worried that Brock can’t beat Big Show. Lesnar has legitimately injured ribs due to Show hurting him at a house show.

We recap Show vs. Lesnar. Lesnar beat Undertaker in the Cell last month, so Show beat up Undertaker to make himself the next challenger. Even Heyman says Brock can’t beat him.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.

The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman tosses in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this veteran? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?

As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.

Show and Heyman immediately bail.

We recap the triple threat Tag Team Title match. Benoit and Angle beat Rey and Edge in the match of the year at No Mercy in a tournament final. The new champions argued over who is team captain and have to work together or they’re suspended. Edge and Mysterio won the titles on Smackdown in 2/3 falls match. Stephanie threw in Los Guerreros because these are the Smackdown Six and you can’t have just four of them together, even though we’ve had that for months. Not that I’m complaining though, because this is going to be AWESOME.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a hurricanrana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and apparently that’s a tag.

Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked man. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the Canadian who suplexes Rey down for two.

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down.

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Is it any wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this?) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws it to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.

Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to hurricanrana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.

Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.

Christopher Nowitski (a Harvard graduate from Tough Enough) is here to make fun of New York in a really dull promo. Matt Hardy comes out to yell at him before blasting New York as well. The mouth running goes on even longer until FINALLY Scott Steiner debuts and murders them. Somehow this took nearly eight minutes. Steiner would go on to have perhaps the two worst PPV World Title matches in recorded history against HHH before being shunted down the card.

Shawn Michaels says he believes in himself but we get RNN BREAKING NEWS! It’s Randy Orton, who has a bad shoulder. He says there’s no new damage to his bad shoulder due to an extra pillow on the plane. This was the WAY over the top deal that Orton was doing which first turned him heel. I loved it but it got annoying fast, which is the right idea.

We recap the Elimination Chamber. HHH is the official WORLD CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING but Shawn beat him at Summerslam and wants a rematch. Bischoff wants to top the Cell so here’s his latest idea. The rules are mostly simple: two guys start and there are four more in individual pods. After five minutes there’s a new guy introduced and it’s elimination rules. The winner is world champion. The other four guys are there because they’re the biggest stars on Raw. This video is set to Always again and they’re not even trying to hide that this is mostly about HHH vs. Shawn.

HHH says that he’s awesome and he’ll keep the title.

Eric comes out and walks through the Chamber to explain everything I just said. Apparently the glass is bulletproof. This is the first time the Chamber had been seen and I believe the first time the rules have been explained.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam

Jericho is a Tag Team Champion with Christian, but the cool part here is that as he comes out, Saliva does his theme song live at WWF New York. HHH is defending of course. Shawn’s tights are….brown. This is one of those decisions that no one ever quite got and he was made fun of extensively for them apparently. I mean…..BROWN? Mankind wore brown for crying out loud. The wide shot of the Chamber really does look cool. Anyway the entrances take a long time and RVD vs. HHH gets us going.

Van Dam hits a spinwheel kick to take HHH down but walks into a facebuster. The Pedigree is countered into a backdrop over the top to hit the cage outside the ring. JR’s statements about the Chamber are already nuts as he says it has no soul or conscience. As in the pieces of steel and metal. Anyway, HHH is rammed into the cage over and over to bust him open and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder over the top rope to land on HHH on the cage. There’s a floor made of cage surrounding the ring that is level with the mat if that wasn’t clear.

Van Dam goes up on one of the pods but his flip dive mostly hits the floor instead of HHH. Back in the ring and HHH gets stomped down in the corner as Jericho is added in as the third man. Van Dam immediately kicks him down and it’s five minutes until the next entrant. A cartwheel into a moonsault gets two on Jericho and they head outside the ring as well. In the first famous spot in the Chamber’s history, Van Dam jumps off the top rope, misses Jericho, and grabs onto the cage like Spider-Man before spinning back around to cross body Jericho.

HHH gets back up and hits the knee to the face of Van Dam which gives Jericho a two count. HHH and Jericho double team RVD before Chris tells Shawn to suck it. Van Dam’s back gets rammed into the cage wall some more and Jericho talks a lot of trash. Rob’s back goes into the cage over and over and we head back in to the ring. There’s a spin kick to put Jericho down as Booker T is in fourth.

Booker quickly clears the ring and we get a Spinarooni before Van Dam fights Booker one on one. Booker gets in some shots to Rob but walks into the stepover kick to give Van Dam control again. HHH gets back up and takes Van Dam down, only to get caught by the scissors kick from Booker. The next big spot of the match is Van Dam going up to the top of the pod and hitting the Five Star on HHH, with Van Dam’s knee hitting HHH’s throat, severely (and legitimately) injuring HHH’s windpipe. Since HHH can’t get up right now to eliminate Van Dam, Booker hits a missile dropkick to take Van Dam out.

Booker grabs a quick cover on HHH but only gets two. Jericho goes after Booker but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for his efforts. Kane comes in fifth and goes off on Booker and Jericho as HHH lays on the outside. Jericho gets launched face first into the cage wall and is then thrown through the bulletproof, yes BULLETPROOF, glass. This would become a running joke in the Chamber over the years.

JR says the Chamber has no soul or conscience again just to hammer home the point. Kane chokeslams Booker and Jericho adds the Lionsault to take Booker out and get us down to four guys. A Kane suplex gets two on Jericho as we’re waiting on Shawn to come in. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down ala Flair. Jericho missile dropkicks Kane down and here’s HBK.

HHH is down in the corner of course so Shawn can only beat on Kane and Jericho. There’s the forearm to Kane but no nipup, leaving everyone down at the moment. Kane whips Shawn HARD into the corner where Shawn flips upside down. There’s a chokeslam for all three remaining guys not named Kane but instead of covering, Kane loads up a Tombstone on HHH. Shawn superkicks Kane down but he sits up. The Pedigree and Lionsault finally put Kane out and we’re down to three.

Shawn gets double teamed by HHH and Jericho and it’s time for Chris to dance. A few rams into the cage bust Shawn open. Jericho talks more trash and HHH walks around a lot. Shawn tries to fight back but his piledriver on the cage is countered to backdrop his bad back onto the cage again. There’s the Lionsault….for two.

Shawn comes back with a moonsault press to Jericho for two before putting Jericho in the Walls. HHH finally comes back from getting popcorn or something with a DDT to Shawn. Jericho and HHH finally get in the argument you were expecting and the fight is on. Jericho jumps out of the corner and lands in the Pedigree, but Jericho counters into the Walls. While holding HHH, Shawn kicks Jericho’s head off and it’s down to one on one.

So it’s Shawn, bloodied and injured and in his second match in four years, against an also injured HHH in the main event at Madison Square Garden. The spinebuster puts Shawn down and HHH backdrops him over the top. Shawn sends HHH into the cage but when Shawn tries to Pedigree HHH on the steel, HHH counters into a slingshot through the cage again.

Back in the ring all that gets two and it’s time for the slugout. A facebuster puts Shawn down and it’s another clothesline to put him onto the outside. The Pedigree on the steel is countered into another slingshot into the Chamber wall. Back into the ring and Shawn drops the elbow off the top of the pod. The Superkick is countered into the Pedigree and, say it with me, Shawn kicks out at two. Another Pedigree is countered into a backdrop, followed by the Sweet Chin Music to give Shawn the title.

Rating: D+. I’ve mellowed on this match in the last few years to the point where I’m not mad about it anymore. However, it’s still one of those matches where you look at it and say really. As in REALLY? We’re supposed to buy that Shawn can survive ALL of that and still win the title? You have to keep in mind this isn’t the Shawn who was having the match of the year for like five years running. No one expected him to go on as long as he did. At this point, making it to Wrestlemania would have been impressive.

That’s where this match loses it for me: we’re supposed to buy that Shawn is so great, so amazing, and so tough that he can basically walk off the street and be better than four of the top guys in the business? There comes a point where my suspension of disbelief is cut off and I can’t buy this anymore. We passed that at Summerslam, making this even more ridiculous. This match is also the reason we had to sit through the AWFUL match at Armageddon, where HHH and Shawn got to waste 40 minutes of our time by barely being able to move.

In short, this is way more than I can accept as far as the match being realistic. In wrestling, you have to accept that some stuff is ridiculous. That’s called suspending disbelief. However, there comes a point where that’s not the case any longer. It’s unrealistic in wrestling terms to accept that Shawn can survive all this and win the title. This was pure selfishness from Shawn and HHH, which would get WAY worse in the future. HHH wouldn’t make a new star for over a YEAR when he put Benoit over at Wrestlemania in the same arena.

As for the rest of the match, it’s acceptable, but WAY too long. The Chamber matches need to go about thirty minutes instead of the forty this one went. The last seventeen minutes here, as in the amount of time after Kane is eliminated, are REALLY repetitive and while they had good drama, they needed to be cut. Booker, RVD, Jericho and Kane were all there to fill in spaces and be there for Shawn and HHH to bounce off of. I don’t hate the match, but it really doesn’t work all that well.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show overall is pretty solid actually but the main event is a good sized letdown. The Show/Lesnar stuff I went on about enough, but other than those two things the card is pretty solid. The triple threat tag is good stuff but the No Mercy match is even better. This show is worth checking out, but you won’t be thrilled by the Chamber.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

Redo: B-

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

Redo: B

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B+

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dang that’s a big swing on the Chamber. I don’t remember liking it that much the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: June 6, 2002
Location: Cox Convention Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re two and a half weeks away from King of the Ring and it looks like we’re coming up on Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle and HHH challenging the Undertaker for the WWE World Title. Neither of those are exactly interesting but I’ll take it over Hogan being in the main event again. We also get to find out where Edge goes from here after getting a pretty decisive win in his feud with Kurt. Let’s get to it.

Most of the roster is in the ring. Vince comes out and says the winner gets a title shot at King of the Ring. Just in case the next challenger wasn’t clear when Undertaker beat HHH up last week. This is another segment that didn’t need to air. Just have the ring announcer say this is for a title shot and then the announcers can repeat it. Vince: “The battle royal begins NOW!” So they’re not waiting until later and bringing everyone back out?

Battle Royal

D-Von, Lance Storm, Test, Val Venis, Albert, Faarooq, Kidman, Randy Orton, Hardcore Holly, Chavo Guerrero, Christian, Hurricane, Godfather, Al Snow, Mark Henry, HHH, Hulk Hogan, Chris Jericho, Hugh Morrus, Kurt Angle

Godfather, in his final match with the company, and Faarooq are thrown out early on to clear some space. D-Von follows them out and that’s got to be racist somehow. Test gets rid of Kidman to avoid an Affirmative Action issue and Christian throws Venis out. Christian is eliminated, followed by HHH being thrown through the ropes for a double beating by Test and Storm, neither of whom have been eliminated either.

Orton and Jericho go out next with Henry eliminating Storm and Chavo a few seconds later. A chokeslam to Angle is quickly countered and there go Hurricane and Hugh Morrus. Angle stays hot by getting rid of Albert and throwing Holly through the ropes. Henry is tossed as well and we’re down to Holly, Test, Angle, Jericho, HHH and Hogan. HHH knees Angle in the face and Holly actually throws Kurt out. So Holly is the latest veteran getting a push? Maybe, but he certainly does get a big boot from Test to get us down to four.

The evil Canadians double team our resident superheroes for all of five seconds before Jericho and Test are thrown out, leaving us with the big showdown. We get the staredown and Hogan rips off the shirt. Wouldn’t HHH benefit from kicking him while his arms are busy? Instead HHH hits a Cactus Clothesline and we’ve got two winners.

Rating: D-. This was bad even by battle royal standards with little doubt about who was winning. Why Hogan is still anywhere near the main event scene is beyond me as this run has been one of the biggest disasters in a long time. I get why they wouldn’t want to announce Hogan vs. HHH all over again but was there no better way to do this?

Post break Vince comes on screen to say he’s called Undertaker, who doesn’t care who he faces at King of the Ring. Therefore, there’s going to be a regular #1 contenders match later tonight, making that whole battle royal entirely pointless.

Angle thinks it’s Screw Kurt Angle Month and wants to fight Holly tonight. I get the idea of elevating people, but they’re elevating the same characters who have been around for years. Val Venis is still Val Venis, Test is still Test and Hardcore Holly is still Hardcore Holly. You can’t just throw these same tired acts out there and expect it to go anywhere. At least Storm has only been around for about a year and is still relatively fresh, but almost everyone else feels like a lost cause.

Billy and Chuck are annoyed at Rico for losing the titles. Rico comes in and says they’ve let themselves go, including Billy having a pimple on his cheek. Yes that cheek, which we get to see due to reasons of comedy.

Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Rico vs. Billy and Chuck

Billy and Chuck are challenging and this is under elimination rules for no apparent reason. Rico and Chuck get things started and a wristlock makes Rico tap in five seconds. Tazz: “Looks like Rico has a limp wrist.” Cole thinks Rico did that on purpose. Rikishi cleans house on his own because the Brand Split has turned Rikishi into some kind of juggernaut who can beat up former Tag Team Champions. A Samoan drop gets rid of Billy so we’re down to Rikishi vs. Chuck for the Tag Team Titles in about two minutes.

The eliminated Billy sends Rikishi into the steps as Rico removes a turnbuckle pad. Something resembling Snake Eyes sends Rikishi into the buckle for two more. Billy’s interference fails so Rico kicks Rikishi in the face, setting up a superkick from Chuck to give Billy and Chuck the titles back, despite Rikishi’s foot being on the ropes.

Rating: F. I’m really not sure if this was an upgrade or another step down. To recap the last two weeks: Rico was thrown into this story by Vince (never involved again), won the Tag Team Titles, failed to screw his partner (and himself) over and then succeeded in screwing him over to give the titles back to Billy and Chuck. This story served no purpose other than to waste the teams’ time and devalue the titles without even offering any comedy. Oh and Rikishi is now a big deal for some reason.

I know the Dudleyz and the Hardyz are stale but they’re WAY better than this. Does Billy and Chuck vs. Matt and Jeff sound worse than this mess? Is there any reason why the titles aren’t on both shows? Raw doesn’t exactly have a ton of tag teams either but at least it opens up some more options. Do something with these things because they’re horrible right now.

Hurricane finds a note in catering saying whoever is leaving these notes is in his locker room. Wait…..wouldn’t he have JUST BEEN THERE? When was that note placed? Back from a break and Hurricane finds Nidia in his locker room. Apparently they hooked up once but Hurricane says it’s over. Cue Jamie Noble to jump him from behind because he’s with Nidia now. So there’s your next Cruiserweight Title feud and another vindictive woman because that’s one of the two ways WWE books women: vindictive or sleeping with anyone who can get them ahead.

Also, what was the point of the notes? The picture Nidia was cropped out of last week looked like any standard photo of a wrestler posing with a fan but it was supposed to be some relationship? Ok, fine, but what was gained by teasing notes if it was just “oh hi Hurricane, I’m Nidia. Remember when we used to sleep together, which doesn’t seem to cause any major issues?”? The division has all of four people at the moment. It’s ok to just introduce someone as a new challenger.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Christian vs. Big Valbowski

If officially renaming Val by one of his own nicknames is the best they can do for a repackaging, they’re in a lot of trouble. Christian jumps him at the bell (that’s getting way too common) and gets two off a suplex. Val comes back with a spinebuster and a reverse figure four of all things. He might not be the most interesting person in the ring but Val always seemed like he was trying and new holds like that are a reason why. The Unprettier is countered into the Blue Thunder Bomb to give Venis the pin.

Rating: C-. Not much here but I was always a bit of a Val fan. Neither is exactly an interesting option but Christian is much higher up on the totem pole than Venis. Like I said earlier: they’re trying to move some people up the roster but fans are going to see Val Venis and roll their eyes.

Linda and Jackie (the Tough Enough winners) come in to introduce themselves to Vince. The boss is of course impressed but here’s Ivory to yell about respect and etiquette. Vince makes a match….for Velocity. Their big draws so far have been a lingerie match and now this. And people wonder why Velocity never went anywhere.

Kurt Angle vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly ducks a right hand to start and scores with a hot shot. A sleeper slows Holly down and Cole calls Holly the toughest man in WWE today. Ok then. Holly reverses into a sleeper of his own which is reversed into a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. Angle goes shoulder first into the post and a powerslam give Hardcore two.

Things are picking up a bit so Angle picks Holly up off the top turnbuckle for the running belly to belly superplex. Holly comes right back with a powerbomb but the Alabama Slam is countered into an ankle lock. There’s no tap since Holly is tough so Angle rolls him up, while grabbing the rope, for the pin instead.

Rating: C+. Actually good here, which is the case for most of these veterans receiving renewed pushes. They’re certainly better than stuff like Tommy Dreamer’s vomit over on Raw but they’re not exactly interesting. That being said, I’ll definitely take veterans having watchable matches over gross out humor every single day.

Holly hits the Alabama Slam but can’t get the wig off as Kurt hits him low. Angle grabs a chair but gets it knocked into his own head. Why Holly doesn’t go for the wig again now that Angle is knocked out isn’t clear.

Torrie Wilson visits Maven in the hospital (broken leg) and a banana is involved. Maven tells the nurse he’s very elevated. The nurse (one of the worst actresses I’ve seen since Nidia) leaves and Torrie takes off her top. We cut to Tajiri at the nurse’s desk, trying to find Maven’s room. For some reason Tajiri grabs his side like he’s having an appendicitis but stands up and goes to Maven’s room.

We look back at the end of the battle royal and the announcers argue over Hogan vs. HHH.

Tajiri is now posing as a doctor and gets called away for an emergency. Shouldn’t the orderlies realize he’s an impostor? Also have we gotten an explanation for why this story is continuing if Maven is supposed to have a broken leg?

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho

And never mind as Edge has a shoulder injury from the cage match and can’t compete. He has to be out for awhile but he’s always willing to take the risk. When he comes back, his only goal is to win the Undisputed Title. He can’t wrestle tonight though, meaning Jericho advances. Jericho jumps him anyway and the beating is on until Venis makes the save.

Stacy Keibler and Dawn Marie get all catty over who gets Vince. I wonder who wrote this one.

Storm tells Kidman that the office thinks Kidman is boring but Kidman gets in a jab at Storm’s haircut.

Maven is all smiley as Torrie stands next to him. Cue Tajiri to mist her and kick him in the knee. So the medical emergency went nowhere and served to waste even more time on a show full of wasted time.

Lance Storm vs. Billy Kidman

Billy tries to fly early on but gets dropkicked off the top for his efforts. A springboard clothesline gives Storm two and a hard DDT is good for the same. The half crab is broken up but Storm crotches him to avoid the shooting star. Lance superkicks him for the pin to end this entertaining filler.

HHH doesn’t have anything to say about Undertaker beating him up or having to face Hogan.

We look back at Jericho attacking Edge.

Hulk Hogan vs. HHH

Hogan starts with his variety of clotheslines and punches, one of which sends HHH outside onto his bad elbow. What doesn’t kill HHH (which is nothing) makes him stronger though and he sends Hogan into the post to take over. Back in and we hit the sleeper on Hogan with the announcers asking how much damage that does to the elbow.

The answer seems to be “not much” as the hold stays on until we get two arm drops and a finger wave. It’s Hulk Up time with the big boot setting up a missed legdrop. The Pedigree is countered and the legdrop gets two. Hogan is shocked at the near fall and gets Pedigreed for the clean pin in less than seven minutes.

Rating: D. Well ok then. This could have been HHH vs. almost anyone but it happened to be the fastest clean job Hogan has ever done (I can’t imagine he’s ever done one faster and there aren’t many to pick from in the first place). HHH vs. Undertaker was obvious and I’d prefer they use Hogan for this instead of some up and coming name as there’s not much of a rub to be gotten from a short match with HHH going over clean.

Hogan shakes HHH’s hand but Angle and Undertaker (who Vince had been calling “at home” all night) come in for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This is a weird one as it’s very clear that Smackdown is suffering from a weak roster. There’s way too much down time and a lot of what they have comes off like filler. I get the idea of pushing the older veterans and I’ll take that over throwing out disasters which have no chance of going anywhere. It’s not a horrible show by any stretch but they’re really in need of some fresh talent around here. The big goal should be to develop some fresh talent and if that means sacrificing the Torrie loves Maven and Dawn and Stacy love Vince segments, so be it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: May 30, 2002
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re still in Canada and maybe we can find the next challenger to Undertaker for the WWE World Title. As much fun as it was to see him make Tommy Dreamer drink tobacco juice and then beat him up, I could go for an actual match with a challenger instead of just random attacks. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Hulk Hogan’s retirement from last week to set up what is likely our show long story. Vince McMahon isn’t going to let Hogan retire as punishment for Hogan leaving him ten years ago. An explanation for what he means by that might be nice for the casual fans.

Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Rico vs. Billy and Chuck

Rikishi and Rico are defending and Rico comes out to the challengers’ music. Chuck gets sent into the corner for an early Stinkface attempt but Rikishi has to deal with Rico. A double flapjack plants the big man but he comes right back with a double clothesline. Rico tags himself in as Rikishi sits on Chuck’s chest, leaving the Samoan to superkick his partner right into the cover to retain the titles. If this is the best they can do with the Tag Team Titles, drop them already because this is an embarrassment.

Hogan arrives.

Torrie Wilson kisses Maven and sexual escapades are implied. Tajiri watches from behind a door. So in other words, Torrie and Maven are Booker and the NWO while Tajiri is Goldust, even down to sneaking around behind them to eavesdrop.

Christian vs. Maven

Maven knocks him outside to start and scores with a dive as the announcers plug Tough Enough 2. Back in and Maven’s middle rope bulldog gets two but here’s Tajiri to kick Maven in the head, setting up the Unprettier for the fast pin.

Vince is on the phone for some exposition about how Benoit is allowed to go to either show because he’s injured. Since when was that written into the Draft charter? Dawn Marie Rinaldi (the last name was later dropped), a paralegal, comes in to give Vince something to sign. Chris Jericho interrupts them to complain about his match with Faarooq tonight. Vince doesn’t think much about that as HHH has to face Test tonight as well. This is your “Still To Come” segment. The Canadian leaves and Vince gets comfortable with Dawn. I guess Stacy is off this week.

GET THE F OUT!

Chris Jericho vs. Faarooq

We start with the power game, including a clothesline to put Jericho on the floor. A hot shot onto the barricade has Jericho in even more trouble and Faarooq drops a knee for two. Jericho realizes he’s only fighting Faarooq and gets in a middle rope dropkick to take over. With the wrestling not working, Jericho pulls off a turnbuckle pad followed by the bulldog. The Lionsault misses though and Faarooq hits that always good looking spinebuster. Not that it matters as Jericho sends him into the exposed buckle for the pin.

Rating: D-. Less than two weeks ago, Chris Jericho was inside the Cell in a major match with HHH. In the last two weeks, he’s had a match against Mark Henry and had to cheat against Faarooq. HHH fought Lance Storm and gets Test tonight, which isn’t much better but they’re almost guaranteed to be stronger matches. How does this stuff benefit anyone?

Lance Storm asks D-Von to take his confession…..in the men’s room. Storm’s sin: being from western Canada. D-Von forgives him but isn’t pleased with Storm’s small donation to the building fund.

Hogan is in the back for an interview but first let’s stop to soak in some cheers. Hulk was all ready to retire last week but Vince wants to treat him like an indentured servant. Vince can stick that contract in a rather uncomfortable place and Hogan will follow it with his size fifteen. After winning the title, Hogan only has one thing left to do: fight Vince McMahon, one on one. Vince comes in for a staredown but Angle jumps Hogan from behind with a steel exercise bar. There’s a big match at King of the Ring.

WWE Undisputed Title: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Here’s a major feud three years from now. Before the match, Undertaker actually sucks up to the Calgary fans for reasons unclear. Orton accepts a handshake to start and is actually granted a clean break in the corner. Undertaker walks into an armdrag and backdrop before a clothesline puts him on the floor. A big dive follows and I’m stunned at Undertaker actually selling here.

The Oklahoma roll gets two on the champ and a surprised Undertaker clotheslines him down. We get the second exposed buckle of the night but Orton gets caught with some dropkicks. That earns him a running DDT though and it’s time for Undertaker to get serious. Unfortunately serious means being sent into the exposed buckle, allowing Orton to hit the Overdrive (or whatever it’s called this week) for two.

I’m not sure why but there’s a major edit there as Orton grabs the near leg for the cover but a camera cut shows the far leg being held on the kickout. On top of that, Undertaker loses his bandana in between camera cuts. No idea what that’s about. That’s enough for Undertaker though as it’s Snake Eyes and a big boot for two, followed by Orton grabbing a rollup for his own near fall. A chokeslam retains the title.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here actually as Orton actually got in a lot instead of just getting squashed. I’m not sure what was up with Undertaker being nice at the beginning (just pure cockiness maybe) or the weird camera cut in the middle. At least Orton got a rub here because that’s what they need more than anything else: young guys getting to look good. Also, it makes sense to see Orton’s offense still being very basic. His big move is that Overdrive and the rest is all basic stuff. He’s adding more stuff though and that’s how he should be going.

Post match the rookie gets beaten up some more until HHH comes out to clean house. A challenge is issued but Undertaker is sent off by the Game’s music. I can’t imagine it was intentional, but you could look back at that as a sign that HHH thought something of Orton. Randy joined up with HHH in January so it’s not like there’s an unthinkable gap of time in there.

Hurricane/Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero/Tajiri

Hurricane takes Tajiri to the floor to start and does the rocking horse move to send Tajiri’s head into the bottom buckle over and over. Tazz: “Just like Maven and Torrie!” A superkick gets two on Tajiri and it’s off to Kidman (who looks really weird in regular trunks) for the Sky High on Chavo.

Tajiri goes with the standard cheating by kicking Kidman from the apron and grabbing a Tarantula to take it a step further. That just makes him cocky though and it’s time for Kidman to counter a powerbomb with the X Factor. Hurricane comes back in to clean house with the Overcast getting two.

A flip dive takes Tajiri out again, followed by Kidman busting out a shooting star from the top to the floor onto both villains. Back in and Hurricane’s music hits as a message pops up on screen, saying the reveal is next week. As a bonus we see a woman’s hands on Hurricane’s chest, meaning this is likely going to be ANOTHER love triangle story. Tajiri kicks the distracted Hurricane for the pin.

Rating: B. This is what I’m looking for with the cruiserweights, minus the angle that is. These guys know how to fly around the ring and make the division look like a lot of fun. That shooting star from Kidman looked awesome and is the kind of thing I want out of this division. There’s no need for anything beyond basic characters because the action should be the driving force around here.

HHH vs. Test

Fallout from Test attacking HHH last week and I’m having flashbacks to 1999 when this meant something. Triple H knocks him into the corner and out to the floor for a good posting. Cue Lance Storm for a distraction so Test can get in a quick legdrop as HHH gets back inside. A good looking side slam gets two and Storm gets in a better looking superkick on the floor. Back in and HHH gets the spinebuster so Storm jumps on the apron like a good evil Canadian. Storm is finally thrown at Test and eats a big boot from his buddy. Cue the Undertaker for a distraction though and Test kicks HHH in the face for the pin.

Rating: D. Here’s the thing: this really doesn’t do anything for Test because it was all about HHH being dragged down by the overwhelming odds. Test really could have been anyone here and that’s not doing anyone any good. Orton got in offense on Undertaker on his own and looked like he had potential. HHH beat the heck out of Test anytime it was one on one. That doesn’t help Test, which makes this little more than time filler until Undertaker got there.

The beatdown is on post match, including a chokeslam and a bunch of chair shots. Referees and suits finally break it up.

The cage is lowered.

Val Venis tells Edge to rip off Angle’s wig. So Venis has gone from an adult star to a censorship advocate to Edge’s buddy. That’s quite the character evolution.

Angle swears his hair is natural and threatens pain for anyone who tries to show footage of his haircut. Violence against Edge is promised.

The Hart Family, including Stu, is in the crowd.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

They have a lot of time for this one and it’s inside a cage with pins/submissions or escape as winning options. For some reason Edge tries to take it to the mat early on before opting to send Angle flying into the cage. A spear attempt hits cage though and we hit a front facelock. The rolling German suplexes get two on Edge and he gets thrown into the cage a few times to draw some Canadian blood.

Edge’s half nelson faceplant has Angle staggered but it’s time for a ref bump. You can tell this is going to get stupid now. A belly to back superplex cuts off Angle’s escape attempt and Tazz is amazed that Kurt’s hair is still on. Edge goes up and gets low blowed back down, setting up one heck of a super Angle Slam. It’s always cool looking when someone goes flying through the air into a big crash.

Angle goes over the top and escapes but here’s Hogan for revenge from earlier. Back from a break with another Angle Slam getting two. Edge hits his own Slam but gets caught in the ankle lock. Angle is sent into the cage so Edge puts on his own ankle lock (Angle LOVED that stealing finishers spot).

That’s reversed as well and Angle goes over the top, only to have Edge kick the door open to crotch Angle back down. Back inside and Kurt tries to run the corner for a superplex but a top rope spear (more like a shoulder but the timing was hard to pull off) gives Edge the pin. So does that make it one fall apiece?

Rating: B+. Hogan really brings this one down as he feels so out of place. You have a match with Angle and Edge beating the heck out of each other but then you do a false finish (with Angle winning completely legally) for the sake of advancing Angle vs. Hogan. I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t wait until after the cage match and then start the new feud as it’s not like losing to Edge is going to take away all of Angle’s heat. Hogan didn’t help Edge get the win at the end but he was way too big of a factor in the match, which was excellent without him but just very, very good with him.

Post match Hogan goes after Angle but can’t get the wig off. Hogan’s music plays to end the show because that’s how things work around here.

Overall Rating: C+. The first hour or so was dreadful but once you get to the meat of the show, this turned around in a hurry with some hard work and good wrestling. The holes are still there with stuff like HHH vs. Undertaker for the title (though there isn’t another main eventer ready for the shot at the moment) and the mess that is the Tag Team Titles. The main event more than bails the show out though and is worth checking out if you have the time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Judgment Day 2002
Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 14,521
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The company is ice cold coming into this show and I can’t imagine this is going to make things any warmer. Raw has turned into a mess with the old guys doing whatever they want while Smackdown is about Vince somehow failing to sleep with Stacy Keibler because he can’t just get a room somewhere. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is rather disturbing with a bunch of nooses and small children talking about death. What a great way to get me in a fun spirit for the show.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is challenging in a rematch from last month’s title change. They start fast as you would expect with Eddie being sent outside in early frustration. Back in and Eddie tries to duck a crossbody but gets head faked, allowing Van Dam to drop a split legged moonsault for two. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker keeps Eddie in trouble and we hit a surfboard. Lawler: “That looks more like my dating strategy.”

The announcers try their hands at Spanish as Eddie takes over with right hands in the corner. A monkey flip sends Eddie flying and stays on his back so Rolling Thunder can get two. It’s too early for a Five Star though as Eddie crotches him on the top. A powerbomb can’t set up Eddie’s frog splash though as Eddie spends a bit too long dancing on top.

Van Dam still can’t hit the Five Star though as Eddie moves away, leaving the announcers to wonder how to say RVD in Spanish. He can however hit a high crossbody for two (Lawler: “Mama Mia. Is that Spanish?”), followed by a backslide for the same. Ever the cheat though, Eddie grabs a backslide of his own and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. Now why can’t these two get this kind of time on Raw? I know you can’t give a single match twenty minutes a week but would it kill them to have ten minutes on an episode of Raw and cut out one of the multiple matches that don’t even get three minutes because they don’t matter? Anyway, good stuff here, as you would expect from these two.

Reverend D-Von and Batista are with Vince and Stacy, the latter of whom they pray for before her match against Trish. Vince, who looks at Stacy while they’re praying and tells D-Von to wrap it up, asks if Bubba is going to be here. D-Von doesn’t think so, despite Vince saying Bubba would be here and Bubba being shown on the graphic.

GET THE F OUT! Did they only record that one gardening bit for the campaign?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler

Trish is defending and Lawler freaks out over her shorts. D-Von, Batista and Bubba come out after the entrances, leaving me time to wonder how we went from Trish vs. Molly to Trish vs. Stacy. Maybe because Stacy is more willing to wear leather shorts and a tied off leather top? Stacy kicks Trish in the head for two to start but gets pulled down into a Boston crab and they’re not even hiding what they’re going for with the visuals.

Trish gets in a kick of her own to knock Stacy outside, allowing her to slap Bubba in the face. Batista uses the distraction to slam Trish and give Stacy a two count. That’s finally enough for Trish as she baseball slides Stacy and hits a bulldog (more like the kind Jericho uses to set up the Lionsault) to retain. Stacy clearly had no business out there but to be fair they didn’t try to act like she did and got them out of there fast.

Bubba and D-Von get in a fight post match with Batista helping put Bubba through a table.

Vince comes in to see Ric Flair and Arn Anderson and the bosses share their hatred of Austin. Remember like two months ago when the company was split in half because of their feud?

Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman

Thankfully Heyman is in full body workout gear. The brothers are smart enough to take out the monster for all of ten seconds but don’t have Matt beat the tar out of Heyman or just roll him up while Jeff slows Lesnar down for reasons that aren’t clear. Brock saves his buddy and starts beating on Matt as the fans chant for Goldberg. Please, don’t make me think about that match.

The backbreaker has Matt reeling but he grabs a quick tornado DDT to scare Heyman half to death. Jeff gets the tag and everything breaks down with the brothers going after Heyman. Brock gets tired of these flies and throws Jeff into Matt, setting up the F5. Heyman comes in and grabs the pin like a chicken heel should.

Rating: D-. What were you expecting here? Lesnar really needs to move on to something else, though to be fair he squashed a great tag team more than once and they made him look like a monster. He needs to move way up the ladder in a hurry though because this sort of act is only going to work for so long.

Booker T. is now in an NWO shirt but cancels an interview to hit on a woman who just happens to be standing off camera. The woman has something in mind and gives Booker her hotel room key. I smell shenanigans.

We recap Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show, which is just the latest Austin vs. McMahon clone. Flair and Austin have been fine on the talking but there’s just no heat to this feud because everyone knows it’s warmed over leftovers. They even show Austin vs. Vince clips in the build. Show is here because he’s mad about not being on Wrestlemania, which is of course Austin’s fault in wrestling logic.

Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show

Based on the entrances, I’m pretty sure Flair isn’t in the NWO. I’m also fairly sure that Show’s low cut one piece women’s swimsuit attire is some of the dumbest gear of all time. Just have him in shorts and a Big Show shirt. Austin slugs away at both guys to start but decides to try a Figure Four on Show. Instead he has to knock Ric out of the air first and put him in the hold.

Show misses an elbow drop and Austin wisely grabs a chair. The referee takes that away so Austin gets another one and has a seat. We finally get started with Austin punching Flair out to the floor, meaning it’s time for beer. A tackle dropdown goes well for Austin and an exchange of chops give us a Flair Flop. Show comes in and because 2002 is a strange year, Austin isn’t sure what to do. His decision: push-ups. Not a fan of exercise, Show chops him down and throws Austin into the corner, allowing a tag to Flair for a low blow.

Flair goes up and is slammed right back down (JR: “From no man’s land to Parts Unknown!”) but Show comes back in with a powerslam. The team starts taking turns on the knee as this isn’t exactly thrilling. It’s not a bad match or anything but it’s just there. The idea of Flair taking someone’s knee apart has worked for years but I don’t buy the story behind the match and a match being just ok isn’t enough to make up for that kind of a downside.

Flair gets the Figure Four until Austin turns it over, only to have Show break that up as well. Austin’s back is fine enough for punches vs. chops, giving us WHAT vs. WOO in one of the more eye roll inducing chants. Austin starts in with the spinebusters as X-Pac comes out. Show no sells a Stunner for some reason but X-Pac’s missed superkick puts him down. Huh? The Stunner puts Flair away a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. The match was totally fine but it’s really hard to buy Austin in this midcard role. I know it’s one of the top stories on Raw but this is midcard level stuff at best. Austin vs. Flair isn’t interesting and Austin beating up the NWO week to week is even worse. Big Show and Booker T. are the big names in the division and there’s no reason either of them would be a real threat to Austin in the ring. What’s interesting about seeing Austin fighting midcarders like X-Pac? The feud was dead from the start and it feels like they’re wasting what Austin has left.

We recap Edge vs. Kurt Angle, which is over Edge messing with Angle’s new shirt. For some reason this set up a hair vs. hair match.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

They start fast with Edge getting an early rollup and getting stomped in the ribs for his efforts. That’s fine with Edge who ties Angle up in the ropes for a spear, only to have Angle suplex him way over the top. Back in and a spinebuster gets two for Angle (not something you see him use that often) as the announcers discuss the shapes of the wrestlers’ heads.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Angle pulls him down by the hair. That’s a nice little touch, albeit not the most subtle. Edge comes back with a belly to belly of his own (JR: “He ain’t wearing a hat!”) and an Edge-O-Matic gets the same. Angle is sent outside for a dive from Edge so it’s time for more suplexes. JR: “That suplex was finer than frog hair split four ways.”

An Edgecution gets no cover for no logical reason as Edge goes up top, allowing Angle to hit a great looking pop up superplex. Edge DDTs him out of the corner for two of his own but spears the referee by mistake. That means the spear only gets two on Kurt, who spears Edge right back. The Angle Slam looks to set up the ankle lock but Edge small packages him for the pin.

Rating: B. These two work really well together and it’s a great way to make Edge look like a star as he pinned a former World Champion clean to win the feud. The company really needs some fresh stars in the main event scene and Edge makes as much sense as anyone else. As usual, Angle can make people look great and that’s so valuable in wrestling.

Angle goes after Edge but gets an Edgecution. It takes too long to get him to the chair though and Kurt escapes.

We go to the Marriott where Booker is in bed. The woman joins him and the lights go out….so Goldust can say he wants Booker to leave the NWO and come back to him. The lights come back on and Goldust is in bed with them. Booker runs off with his underwear hanging down. Goldust: “I bought this nightgown for nothing!” They mentioned that Goldust planned the whole thing but I could go for him just randomly appearing in the room with them. It suits him that way.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap HHH vs. Chris Jericho. These two have feuded since Wrestlemania with HHH winning almost all of the matches. HHH then went after Vince, who set this match up as punishment.

HHH vs. Chris Jericho

Even with a lower level match like this, it’s cool to see the Cell in any form. HHH starts in with the knee and some right hands in the corner. They head outside so neither can be sent into the cage, followed by Jericho’s flying forearm to take over. Jericho misses a charge into the post though and HHH takes him outside for a whip into the cage wall. Neither can keep an advantage again though as Jericho whips HHH over the corner for another crash to the floor. HHH comes right back with a whip to send Jericho’s bloody arm into the steps. At least they’re bringing the violence early on.

The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the cage wall. Since the Cell isn’t enough, Jericho brings in a ladder to smash HHH in the face, drawing more blood. Jericho throws the ladder over the top at HHH in a spot that always looks good. I’m actually surprised by how much they’re giving Jericho here. I know it’s HHH in a big match against an opponent he owns but they’re doing a really good job of making Jericho look strong here.

HHH’s chair shot doesn’t get him out of trouble but the drop toehold to send Jericho into the steps works a bit better. To make it a bit worse, HHH just throws the steps at Jericho for a painful sounding thud. Now we get to the bad part of the match as HHH whips Jericho into referee Tim White, knocking White off the apron and into the Cell. The bump badly hurt White’s shoulder and basically ended his in ring career.

Jericho beats White up even more (if he wasn’t hurt before, he is now) and busts him open for a rare visual. Since White has the key, the other referees have to cut the door open to check on White. That’s enough for HHH and it’s time for a sledgehammer off Jericho’s head. No referee of course though so Jericho crawls out of the Cell, continuing the running joke of THE CELL DOESN’T WORK.

They head to the announcers’ table (of course) where Jericho loads up a Pedigree (of course) but HHH counters (of course) into a DDT through the table. HHH pulls out the barbed wire 2×4 and Jericho goes up the Cell wall with HHH following. For reasons of pure stupidity, HHH THROWS THE BARBED WIRE UP BOARD UP FIRST, allowing Jericho to take it away and hit HHH in the back.

With HHH’s back busted open, we hit the Walls of Jericho on the roof, meaning a referee has to climb up. You know, because now falls count on top of the Cell. HHH kicks away and hits Jericho low, followed by a barbed wire shot. A Pedigree onto the roof (that was scary) finally ends Jericho.

Rating: B. That’s probably the best HHH vs. Jericho match ever and it’s really not great. They did a much better job of making me believe Jericho could pull it off, which is something these two have never been able to do. I mean, would you believe that this Jericho could beat HHH in a major match? That being said, this still felt like it was missing a big chuck in the middle. They did the Jericho beatdown but then they were on the outside for the final act. It’s still good though and an acceptable blowoff, though it would have been fine as a regular cage match.

Angle runs from Edge in a goofy looking chase.

Get The F Out, set to Mark Henry’s Sexual Chocolate theme and taking place in the back of a steamy car. At least that answers my question.

Maven and Torrie go on a date at WWF New York.

Tag Team Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Rikishi/???

Welcome to the death slot. Billy and Chuck are defending and Rikishi’s mystery partner is……Rico. This is officially Vince’s decision so he indeed likes the wacky partners. Billy’s DDT has no effect on Rikishi to start but Rikishi’s charges misses both champs. Rico won’t tag in though and the champs take over in the corner.

Chuck gets a rather impressive overhead belly to belly for two as the fans aren’t exactly caring, meaning the death slot is living up to its name. The big man fights back again with some Samoan drops before sitting on Chuck’s chest for two. A HORRIBLE looking one man 3D (which JR calls a headbutt in mid air, which is probably closer than what Rikishi was going for) gets two on Billy but Rico kicks Chuck by mistake. Rikishi kicks Chuck as well and gets the pin for the titles. No reaction or anything, but he got the titles.

Rating: F. The story is tired, the result is predictable and the match sucked. I’m really not sure what else you were expecting here as Rikishi is somehow the old veteran on Smackdown. Hopefully this isn’t a long reign and we can get ANYONE else as better champions sometime soon.

Angle attacks Edge (instead of LEAVING) and brings him back to the arena. Edge reverses into a sleeper and Angle gets the big haircut. Edge wants the new chant to be YOU’RE BALD and it sounds as bad as it seems.

We recap Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker, which is a game of how bad can we really make this. Undertaker won a match last month to become #1 contender and they’ve messed with each others’ motorcycles since. The question tonight is how embarrassing can Hogan actually be with Undertaker having to carry the match.

Undisputed Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is challenging and has Hogan’s weightlifting belt. As always, Hogan takes too long coming in and gets whipped over the back. Hogan no sells (duh) and hammers away before doing a little whipping of his own. We get the opening bell and it’s time for Hogan do do his stuff while Undertaker does most of the selling, which is both the right call and a major stretch on Undertaker’s part.

Undertaker is whipped into the steps and things are made even worse when Old School is broken up. I’ll give them this: they’re three minutes in and Hogan hasn’t horribly botched anything yet, meaning we’re going well so far. Hulk actually hits a superplex (biggest spot he’s done in YEARS) for two before settling back in for some right hands.

A chop block gives Undertaker a target though and it’s time to slowly work over the knee. That of course means a few kicks to the leg and laying on it in a leglock. Yeah it’s boring but it’s also one less thing they could horribly botch. Hogan fights up and hits the big boot but the legdrop is countered into a dreadful half crab. Some rights and lefts have Hogan in trouble, though I’m not sure what’s scintillating about them.

Undertaker grabs him by the throat and Hogan barely moves, leaving Undertaker to loudly shout JUMP before hitting one of the worst chokeslams you’ll ever see (This is COMPLETELY edited on the Network as Hogan not moving is edited out along with Undertaker shouting. It’s also a different camera angle.).

That’s enough for the Hulk Up and the usual gets two for the champ. The running DDT gets the same for Undertaker as this is actually picking up a bit. Cue Vince as Hogan kicks a chair into Undertaker’s face and drops another leg for no cover. Instead Vince is dragged in for a legdrop of his own but Undertaker cracks Hogan with the chair. The chokeslam (better but still bad) is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. The best thing they could have done here was keep this pretty short (about twelve and a half minutes) instead of having either guy out there for the marathons they had back at Backlash. Undertaker is a shell of his glory days at this point but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan and isn’t as likely to embarrass himself in the ring. Boring and familiar is much better than the nightmare that was watching a Hogan match so this was the only possible call in the options they had.

Vince is happy and Undertaker gets in some more chair shots for revenge to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s an important lesson to be learned here: as bad as WWE can be around this time, there is good stuff worth checking out. Van Dam vs. Guerrero, the Cell match, Austin vs. Flair/Show and Edge vs. Angle were all good to very good matches. That’s half the card and a big chunk of the show that can be considered entertaining. Unfortunately there’s everything else and that stuff starts at horrible and goes downhill from there. I don’t think this changes much about TV going forward but at least we had a good two hour and forty minute show to enjoy.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: May 16, 2002
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and luckily hopefully we should get something competent this week. Smackdown may not be great but they’re put together far better than Raw. At least this show has more than one top level good guy, which the red show certainly can’t say at the moment. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps Chris Jericho/Vince McMahon vs. HHH from last week, including the announcement of Sunday’s Cell match.

Opening sequence.

Here’s HHH for a chat because we haven’t had that in a long time. See, Vince McMahon just doesn’t get it. He thinks you can just send people out here and have Jericho hit him in the head and cut off everything that HHH has done. HHH is going to keep going no matter what because he’s never going to stop. As for tonight though, how about Jericho comes out here right now for a preview of Sunday?

Instead HHH gets Edge, who was hit by HHH’s sledgehammer last week. Edge says they’re both good guys but he’s got an itch to play the game. The fight is actually on but here are Jericho and Kurt Angle to beat down the self-described good guys. Angle cuts some of Edge’s hair off but HHH makes the save….of someone who punched him in the face a few minutes ago. Well they’re both good guys so it’s a rule.

Stacy Keibler is about to give Vince a preview of her swimsuit for tonight’s contest but Angle and Jericho run in to celebrate cutting Edge’s hair. Tag match, main event, you know the drill.

Hardcore Holly/Lance Storm vs. Big Valbowski/Randy Orton

Orton charges in and gets chopped in the corner for his efforts. The dropkick puts Holly down and it’s off to Val to clean house. Orton’s high crossbody gets two on Storm with the Overdrive (that weird spinning Fameasser neckbreaker) getting the same. Storm gets in a superkick for two but gives a lazy cover, allowing Orton to roll him up for the fast pin.

Recap of Undertaker and Hulk Hogan’s motorcycle hijinks.

Hogan is here.

Maven awkwardly hits on Torrie Wilson and actually gets a date out of it. Torrie leaves but D-Von and Batista come in to yell at him for thinking lustful thoughts. Well yeah. Al Snow comes in because Maven still needs protection.

Ace reporter Gregory Helms comes in to see Funaki and accuses him of being evil. Funaki asks what’s wrong with him but has a note on his back. The note says Hurricane will be in for some pain if he wins the Cruiserweight Title tonight. This was amusing for pure goofiness.

Jericho promises to pull off his mask and show how evil he can be.

Reverend D-Von vs. Maven

D-Von beats on Maven like the rookie he is to start but misses the middle rope headbutt. Some rollups get two each for Maven but Batista gets on the apron, allowing D-Von to kick Maven low. Cole: “A shot to the kidneys!” No Cole, not exactly. The reverse inverted DDT (Saving Grace) puts Maven away.

Batista beats up Al Snow post match.

Stacy is on her way to the ring but stops to look in a mirror. A short person pops out from a cupboard and shills a new camera. Stacy is as confused as you would think.

It’s time for the swimsuit contest with Tazz emceeing. Stacy and Torrie come out but Tajiri comes out to cover Torrie up, despite us seeing most of what’s under her robe. Stacy doesn’t want to disrobe but here’s Trish Stratus (who can be on both shows since she won the Women’s Title) in a robe of her own. What luck that she was here and brought a robe with her own logo on the back. Trish doesn’t have a swimsuit but does have some red lingerie. Stacy swings a shoe but gets kicked to the floor, leaving Trish as the default winner.

Post break Stacy comes in to rant to Vince, who gives her a Women’s Title shot on Sunday. D-Von and Batista are in Vince’s office so Vince asks D-Von to provide protection. D-Von: “You want a reverend to buy CONDOMS?” Actually Vince means taking care of Bubba Ray Dudley, who will certainly be in Trish’s corner. I’m certain that’s not going to happen just because Vince suggests it either.

Rico vs. Rikishi

Rico jumps him from behind and gets launched into the air for a one man 3D (probably supposed to be a Samoan drop, as is Rikishi’s custom). Billy and Chuck interfere to give Rico an opening but Billy dropkicks Chuck by mistake. The distraction allows Rico to get in a spinning kick to the face but Rikishi sits on his chest for the pin.

Rikishi dances post match. Maybe he and Bubba Ray Dudley have a secret alliance?

Billy and Chuck and Rico interrupt Vince and Stacy (dude get a hotel already) to complain about losing to Rikishi. Vince says they’ll be defending the titles on Sunday against Rikishi and a partner of Vince’s choosing. It’s going to be Rico.

HHH promises to destroy Jericho’s career just like he did to Mick Foley. Edge comes in and says he’d love to continue their fight from earlier. HHH isn’t interested until Edge wins a few more World Titles. Maybe Edge can use HHH’s methods and marry the boss’ daughter and sleep his way to the top (which Edge would eventually do with Vickie Guerrero). That was a better burn when it hadn’t turned into a running joke.

Cruiserweight Title: Hurricane vs. Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending and jumps Kidman during the entrance. Hurricane runs out and the champ gets double teamed until Kidman is smart enough to knock Hurricane outside. Kidman dropkicks Hurricane off the top and hits the shooting star for two on the champ with Hurricane making a last second save. A chokeslam gives Hurricane the title in less than three minutes. It’s not like the title means anything anyway so put it on the entertaining Hurricane. It isn’t likely to make a difference either way.

We run down Sunday’s card.

Here’s a limping Hogan, who actually has the nerve to sell that stupid motorcycle schtick from Monday. After a full three minute long ovation, Hogan praises the fans for having his back so many times. We pause for more cheering before Hogan talks about being in his own fantasy world every time he comes out here. Cue Vince to say he hates Hulkamania and enjoyed Monday night. See, Hulkamania has a terminal illness called cancer.

This Sunday, Undertaker is going to stuff Hulkamania in a cardboard box and bury it once and for all. The fans start singing the Goodbye Song, which I guess is aimed at Vince, even though it doesn’t make a ton of sense. Then again neither does cheering for Hogan. Vince says the red is for the blood Undertaker will spill on Sunday and the yellow is the streak up Hogan’s back. The boss slaps him in the face so Hogan punches him a few times. The big legs wraps up this very unnecessarily long segment.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/HHH

Edge is stupid enough to charge in before HHH gets out to the ring and earns the double teaming from Angle and Jericho. A flapjack puts Jericho down and the good guys (their official name remember) take over. Jericho offers a distraction though and Angle belly to belly superplexes Edge off the top. A regular belly to belly sets up a missed Lionsault but Edge is too slow to make the tag. Instead Jericho comes in with Three Amigos so Edge gets in a middle rope dropkick for a breather.

The hot (work with me here) tag to HHH allows house to be cleaned. The double teaming doesn’t last long and it’s back to Edge for a double clothesline. Edge spears a chair out of Jericho’s hands, leaving HHH to Pedigree Angle for two with Chris making the save. HHH and Jericho fight into the crowd, leaving Angle to chair Edge in the head so the Angle Slam can give him the pin.

Rating: C-. I was bored with most of this as they were just going through the motions to set up both big matches at once. Edge vs. Angle is going to be fine and Jericho vs. HHH will be long yet watchable. The match was fine but there’s only so much you can do when you’re trying to fulfill a pretty simple goal.

Overall Rating: D. This show needed a lot more wrestling and a lot less Vince. Most of the show was built around Vince doing whatever he needed to advance stories or try to sleep with Stacy this week. The problem here though is only the main event was long enough to rate. I really need more than a bunch of two and a half minute matches and then a dull main event. Sunday’s show isn’t interesting for the most part and this show didn’t help anything.

Smackdown
Date: May 9, 2002
Location: Harbor Yard Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

As horrible as Raw has been in recent weeks, Smackdown is really starting to find a groove. They’ve hit that perfect balance of wrestling, storyline and entertainment to make two hours go by very quickly. The shows aren’t great but they’re easy to sit through and you actually get some good wrestling. Let’s get to it.

Get the F Out gardening video.

Here’s Stacy Keibler looking GREAT in a black dress. After a bit of dancing, she brings out Vince to kill most of the buzz. Vince gets right to the point: HHH is a bad employee who may not have physically interfered last week, but he certainly knew what he was doing. Therefore HHH needs to get out here right now and apologize like a model employee or things are going to get bad in a hurry.

HHH comes out and immediately defies Vince’s orders to stay at least ten feet away. The gears quickly shift to HHH suggesting that Vince can’t keep her satisfied all night long, though HHH certainly could because he’s HHH and therefore all manly and such. More size jokes are made and HHH says Stacy is like Anna Nicole Smith, waiting on Vince to die so she can collect the cash. Uh, Trips, she’s just an employee sleeping with the boss. Pull it back a bit.

Vince teases fighting but here are Christian/Lance Storm/D-Von/Hardcore Holly/Test to go after HHH in shifts because wrestling villains don’t get the idea of attacking at the same time. With HHH finally taken down, Chris Jericho comes out for a few chair shots to bust him open.

The second HOGAN chant goes nowhere as Jericho puts on the Walls, with HHH actually tapping. Vince gets in HHH’s face and announces Jericho vs. HHH in the Cell. It’s a cool idea but I’m not sure this match warrants such a big feud. Especially not when there’s no doubt who wins the thing. It’s not like HHH is going to lay down for Jericho in a big match setting.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Hurricane

Tajiri is defending and starts fast with the kicks to the face as Cole is already on his second explanation for how badly Tajiri treats Torrie. I know he’s bad about it today but back then it was excruciating to listen to him hammer in plot points. Hurricane comes back with a DDT and neckbreaker for two but gets caught by the handspring elbow (which Cole refers to as a big spot).

Hurricane knocks him outside and Torrie’s help is shoved away. That’s fine with Hurricane who hits a running flip dive, only to get kicked down again. Torrie FINALLY has enough and gets on the announcers’ table to strip off the geisha outfit and reveal some blue lingerie. The distraction is enough to get Tajiri counted out.

Rating: C-. Not much to the match but the angle advancement was the important thing here. Also, unless Tajiri is holding the title for a lot longer, I don’t get why you wouldn’t change the title here. It’s not a stretch to have him get humiliated and walk into a chokeslam for the title but at least they finally did the split with Torrie.

Hurricane chokeslams Tajiri to make it even worse.

Jericho is with Vince and Stacy to brag about what happened earlier. Vince wants to give HHH a match tonight but doesn’t know who he could face. Cue D-Von and HHH has an opponent. Vince specially asks if he’s here and D-Von says he’s always here.

Hurricane and Al Snow discuss Spider-Man in what has to be a paid advertisement. Hurricane wants to ask Spider-Man whatuswiththat so Snow suggests medication. Someone has left Hurricane a note, saying they know who he is. Hurricane flies off and Snow says he thought it was weird talking to a head. Somehow, these two both appeared on TNA TV fourteen years after this.

Test vs. Mark Henry

Please let this be the blowoff. The challenge of a test of strength gets Henry in trouble and Test hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Henry comes back with clotheslines of his own (oh this isn’t going to be easy) before a powerslam gets two. Test gets gorilla pressed (with a nice assist by shoving off Henry’s shoulders but a bad ending as Henry doesn’t get him all the way up) for two more but he shoves Henry off the top. A flying elbow (one of the few things Test could make look good) gives Test another two but he has to low blow his way out of a full nelson. The big boot ends Henry a few seconds later.

Rating: D-. And so much for Henry going anywhere. See, if you have his whole character be based around power, it might help to have him actually win the matches. I’ve always liked Test but there’s only so much you can do with a guy whose main appeal is….somebody help me out here. Why is Test getting this push again?

Christian brags about beating HHH to Kurt Angle but Kurt gives Jericho the credit. Angle promises to make Edge bald tonight.

We recap Billy and Chuck losing their trunks and Rico getting a Stinkface. Rico says he’s coming out in style, meaning he’s wrestling tonight.

HHH vs. Reverend D-Von

The big moment here (other than HHH slumming it like this) is the debut of D-Von’s new lackey: Deacon BATISTA. D-Von introduces him to the crowd and tells him to watch the ring while he beats the sin out of HHH. It might be easier to beat the blood out of him since HHH has a big bandage on his head. A backdrop and spinebuster give HHH an early two but D-Von sends him into the buckle to take over. At least D-Von is smart enough to take the bandage off and go after the cut.

Batista sends HHH into the steps and hits a big clothesline. Who in the world would guess that would be Wrestlemania XXI? Back in and D-Von gets two off a middle rope forearm to the head, only to miss the headbutt. For some reason HHH goes to grab a chair but gets decked by Batista again. Batista misses a charge into the post though, meaning he looks great and has power but he isn’t that bright. It’s Pedigree time but Jericho runs in and hits HHH with the metal money box to give D-Von the big upset.

Rating: D+. It’s a big win for D-Von though I can’t imagine this is going to wind up meaning anything for him. In other words it’s part of a HHH story instead of anything else, though I don’t think anyone thought Reverend D-Von was going to go anywhere. At least we now have Batista as the Class of 2002 continues to grow.

Here’s Kurt Angle to explain the concept of a hair vs. hair match. Angle makes it even more clear by showing us a shot of Edge with no hair. Kurt: “MR. CLEAN LIVES!” He’s got a second picture but this time it’s Angle with no hair. Angle demands it’s taken away but it’s replaced by a YOU SUCK graphic. Edge’s presence is demanded but here’s Hulk Hogan instead because someone has to stand up for the bald guys. Seriously.

Hogan mentions names like Billy Graham, Steve Austin and of course himself, which pretty much ends the list of great bald champions. Angle promises to take the title from Hogan if Undertaker doesn’t because he’s the only REAL American around here. A big boot knocks Angle to the floor because Hogan is a secret Communist spy. Kurt bails but walks into a spear from Edge with very little reaction from the announcers.

Post break Angle storms into Vince’s office and is put into a tag match against Edge and Hogan with Jericho as his partner.

Billy and Chuck/Rico vs. Rikishi/Al Snow/Maven

What happened to Albert vs. Rikishi? If you’re going to set that stuff up, at least pay it off. Chuck and Snow start things off and Cole ignores the dull action to talk about upcoming house shows. Snow’s trapping headbutts have Chuck in trouble and it’s off to Rikishi for the fat man offense.

A quick poke to the eye cuts that off though and we get the first in ring appearance of Rico. Billy has to make a very quick save so Rikishi knocks him down as well. For some reason Maven gets a loud reaction off the tag but Rico kicks him from behind to give the bad guys control. Rico’s kicks have Maven in more trouble but Chuck comes back in and eats a DDT.

Snow comes in off the ice cold tag (because this story needed to end a long time ago) and everything breaks down. A Samoan drop to Chuck is completely no sold but a superkick that missed by a few inches knocks him outside. Go figure. Rico is knocked into position for a Stinkface but Chuck makes another save, allowing Billy to get in a Fameasser for the pin on Snow.

Rating: D. This show hasn’t been kind with the wrestling but can you blame them with this group of people? There’s no reason for Snow/Maven to keep going after the Tag Team Titles at this point, aside from a lack of anyone else to do it. Did they really split up the Dudley Boyz for the sake of these lame singles runs? Again: it would be nice if they thought this stuff through.

Randy Orton isn’t worried about his issues with Hardcore Holly but Lance Storm interrupts. Storm isn’t pleased with being relegated to taking bets on Mark Henry’s displays of strength so tonight he’ll show his skills against Orton.

We look back at Hogan destroying Undertaker’s motorcycle on Raw. The edited version takes it up from one of the worst segments of all time to just one of the worst of the year.

GET THE F OUT!

Lance Storm vs. Randy Orton

There’s no referee but as luck would have it, Hardcore Holly strolls out wearing a referee shirt. Cole: “I bet Mr. McMahon had something to do with this.” Thankfully Tazz is all over him for saying something that stupid. Storm starts fast with forearms to the back and a spinwheel kick before taking Orton down with a cravate. Randy comes back with exactly what you would expect but Holly won’t count a cover. A powerslam gets a very slow two and Orton hits the high crossbody for an equally slow two. Surrounded by unfairness, Orton gets pulled into the half crab with Holly pushing the ropes away to force the tap.

Rating: D+. Very basic match here but I’m glad it’s giving Storm something to do. He might not be the most entertaining wrestler in the world but there’s value in someone with that level of technical skills. Orton needs to get out of this Holly feud but at least he hasn’t lost to him yet.

Storm and Holly put the boots to Orton until Val Venis makes the save to get even with Storm for screwing him over last week. I can always go for logical week to week booking.

Edge goes into Hogan’s locker room and puts on his gear for the Hogan required Hulk impression until the real thing shows up to give his partner a pep talk. Edge: “He called me brother!”

Edge/Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Jericho

Hogan and Angle start things off and Kurt’s right hands have no effect. A quick forearm gets two for Hulk, which is actually a rare sight. How often do you see Hogan cover off anything but a finisher? Edge comes in and gets thrown with a belly to belly before Jericho offers his hard chops. The half nelson facebuster drops Jericho and Edge cleans house while Hogan stays on the apron. I think that’s best for everyone involved.

Chris snaps the throat across the top to take over and it’s time to choke with some tape. We hit the chinlock on Edge for a bit before they both hit cross bodies. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house (exactly what he should be used for) and the usual looks to finish Jericho until Angle pulls the referee. Jericho grabs the Walls on Hogan but here’s HHH with the sledgehammer for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was the best Hogan match since Wrestlemania and it’s not even close. Hogan still has value as long as he doesn’t overstay his welcome in any given match. Here he started things off, threw some punches, stood on the apron to play cheerleader while Edge got beaten down and then came in for the house cleaning.

The fans are going to love that stuff because it’s what Hogan does best. What isn’t going to work is having Hogan out there for fifteen minutes, which he rarely did in his prime. Let the young guys go out there and do the hard work and let non-champion Hogan come in and do his thing. That could last for months if not a year or two.

Vince comes out and offers to let HHH hit him with the hammer, though it’s going to cost him his career. HHH swings but Vince drops to the floor, allowing Jericho to get in a chair shot to end the show. This is really feeling like a modern Cell match as I can barely remember why HHH is mad at Vince in the first place. None of that matters though as HHH and Jericho are going into the Cell and that’s all that matters.

Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling was really weak here but the storytelling makes up for some of that. They clearly have plans week to week here and it makes the shows so much easier to sit through. Couple that with a lack of anything horrible like the NWO or the motorcycle segment from Raw and it’s no surprise that Smackdown is miles ahead of Raw at the moment. Fix up the wrestling and the show would be a highlight instead of just better than the horrible one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: May 2, 2002
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’ve got a big match scheduled for tonight as WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan is defending against Chris Jericho. I’m sure we’ll get an explanation for why Smackdown can have a #1 contender when it’s been established that the shows trade possession of that status. Maybe Jericho can carry Hogan to passable tonight too but I wouldn’t bet on either. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Undertaker costing HHH the title shot last week and busting Hogan open on Raw the next week.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Hurricane vs. Billy and Chuck

Rikishi and Hurricane, who have no previous association, are challenging. Billy slugs away at Rikishi’s head to start. You would think a veteran would know better than that but Billy has never been the brightest guy. Hurricane sunset flips Chuck for two as Tazz tries to figure out a connection between the challengers. Well at least he’s trying to do something. The champs take over on Hurricane until a DDT gets him out of trouble. Rikishi comes in to clean house but Rico comes in to kick Hurricane down and give Chuck the retaining pin.

Rating: D. The only good thing here was starting the show with a match. You would think they could come up with some better teams than “here are two guys with no connection at all” but that’s how the division is likely to work for a good while because they didn’t think this Brand Split all the way through.

Hurricane chokeslams Rico to blow off some steam and Rikishi adds a Stinkface.

Lance Storm and Val Venis are in the back when Kurt Angle comes in. Kurt says neither of them have done anything on Smackdown so he offers them the chance to model his real shirt. Venis says no but Storm seems interested. He does however point out that there might be some risks involved. Angle isn’t worried about fans chanting YOU SUCK. I mean, this is Angle’s town. They would never chant YOU SUCK at him. Angle makes fun of Mario Lemieux and that’s about it.

Here are Angle and Storm for the shirt reveal, mere minutes after he showed it to the camera. Angle defends Storm despite his bad case of being Canadian and reads off all the accomplishments on the back of the shirt. See, it’s only available in XXL or larger because he’s done so many things. That explains why the thing is so baggy on Storm.

Here’s Edge to interrupt of course, complete with Venis in the YOU SUCK shirt. You know, shouldn’t that say I SUCK? It doesn’t fit for the chants but it makes sense on the shirt. Angle another match with Edge at Judgment Day but Storm whispers a suggestion to Angle, who thinks we should make it a hair vs. hair match. Edge agrees as the stipulations are getting fast tracked around here. Angle isn’t sure about putting his own hair up but Val suggest giving him a YOU SUCK if you want to see the match. That’s enough for Kurt to agree and Edge promises to make him red, white and bald.

Earlier today, Randy Orton was working out when Stacy Keibler came up to hit on him some more. This seems to annoy him, which should probably make him a heel.

Hardcore Holly vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from last week. Orton’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere so Holly goes with the hard chops that he uses on rookies. The Oklahoma roll only gets two on Holly this week and it’s time for more chops. Orton gets in a high crossbody for two and that’s enough to make Holly hit him low for the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here and I’m sure we’ll get to see more nothing in a week or so when Orton can get another clean win because the first one didn’t matter. There’s some value in having Orton get a first win here but having the two of them feud for a few weeks isn’t going to go anywhere as it’s still Hardcore Holly.

Holly gives him an Alabama Slam on the stage to keep this going.

Faarooq tries to give Mark Henry some of the money he’s won betting on Mark’s strength in the last few weeks. D-Von comes in to say that money can go in his donation box. Henry says no so D-Von threatens violence.

Vince talks about wanting to kiss Stacy’s belly button (seriously) when Chris Jericho interrupts. After Vince freaks out over the interruption (fair), Jericho talks his way into making tonight a No DQ match and getting everyone barred from ringside. Jericho has a seat but Vince throws him out so Stacy can get some more attention. Vince to Stacy: “What do you say we get busy?” This is another one of those segments designed to do nothing more than set up stuff for later.

Tributes to Wahoo McDaniel and Lou Thesz. That makes me feel better after they didn’t even mention Thesz’s passing on Monday.

Lance Storm/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/Big Valbowski

Angle slugs Edge into the corner to start so it’s off to Val for an elbow to Kurt’s jaw. Amazingly enough, Val can’t keep up with Angle and gets beaten down in the bad corner. Storm comes in and gets slammed down, setting up something like an Octopus Hold on the mat. The fast tagging continues and it’s right back to Angle suplexing Edge to take over.

Storm rips at Edge’s hair, which isn’t often a body part that’s worked over. Edge powerslams Storm out of the air and it’s Val getting the hot tag to clean house. Everything breaks down and Angle starts throwing suplexes until Edge spears him down. Val’s Money Shot is broken up as Angle runs the corner for the superplex and Storm superkicks Val into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: B. Now THIS is how you keep a feud going while also giving someone else some ring time. Bringing in two talented guys with nothing else to do is a great way to keep Edge and Angle’s story going without having them burn through matches. The match was really good too, which helps set Smackdown apart from Raw. There’s your tagline: The wrestling doesn’t suck!

Here’s Jericho for a talk to hype up the main event. Jericho proclaims himself the king of the world because he beat HHH last week and is about to beat Hollywood Has-Been to become champion a-gain. Tonight Jericho is going to drive a stake through the heart of Hulkamania, as so many others have tried over the years.

This brings out HHH, who is out here AGAINST VINCE’S ORDERS. If HHH touches Jericho, his career is over. Well you know what that means. Jericho goes into a rant about how HHH can’t do anything to him and gets right in HHH’s face to talk about it. This is the cool HHH though so he just smiles. HHH knows something Jericho doesn’t: he won’t win the title tonight. That’s quite the bombshell Trips.

Mark Henry/Faarooq vs. Christian/Test

Henry clotheslines the Canadians down to start and gorilla presses Christian onto Faarooq’s knee. The bad guys start beating on Faarooq as D-Von comes through the crowd for a collection. Henry gets annoyed and throws the money into the crowd. That leads to a chase and Christian hits the reverse DDT for the pin on Faarooq. Too much time was spent on D-Von to rate it but this was the match you would expect here.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman

Kidman is challenging in the same match we’ve been watching for over a month now. Tajiri starts in on the leg and Kidman is in very early trouble. An enziguri gives Kidman a breather and we actually get a Kidman chant. The Tajiri handspring is broken up by a dropkick to the back because it takes so long to set up. Kidman stays on him by breaking up the Tarantula but Tajiri shoves Torrie into the path of a charging Kidman, setting up the Buzzsaw Kick to retain the title.

Rating: C. If there’s a point to this feud, I’ve yet to see it. These two are just going back and forth with nothing really changing and a match not even lasting four minutes isn’t going to make it any better. This isn’t a division and the matches aren’t exciting enough to make me want to see them again. In other words, it’s the same problems we’re seeing today.

Vince and Stacy are putting their clothes back on (her makeup is still perfect of course) when Vince tells her to send HHH in. That’s quite the followup. After a break, Vince tells HHH that he has to stay out of the main event. That’s the third time we’ve established that tonight but at least we got to see Vince after fun time with Stacy.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is challenging and gets shoved down to set up some posing to start. They’re going to be much better off if Hogan stands in the middle of the ring and does as little as possible here. Jericho gets in a shoulder and steals the bandana because there’s no shame in Canada.

Hogan pops up and fires down right hands in the corner until Jericho gets in a low blow. The fans get behind Hogan (though not enough to actually watch the shows) and he sends Jericho outside for a breather. Jericho gets in a few shots and comes off the top with an ax handle as an “I’m With Meltzer” sign can be seen.

Back in and Hogan scores with right hands but misses the big……elbow? The announcers are as confused as I am and there’s the Lionsault but HHH comes out for a distraction. HHH sits in on commentary because Jericho doesn’t think to cover Hogan in the minute and a half he’s watched HHH slowly walk around. As soon as you see HHH on the ramp, why not cover Hogan because HHH can’t run down there in time?

Hogan Hulks Up but the legdrop is countered into the Walls. Amazingly enough, a Boston crab isn’t enough to make Hogan give up. Jericho pops Hogan in the back with a chair as HHH suggests that Undertaker is here. On cue, Undertaker’s music kicks on but no one comes out. It serves its purpose though as the distraction lets Hogan grab a rollup to retain.

Rating: D. They can’t get the title off of Hogan fast enough at this point. The problem with nostalgia acts is simple: people like them in small doses and Hogan’s was over a long time ago. It’s one thing to have him do his old schtick at Wrestlemania in front of 65,000 people but there’s nothing special about something like this. If he could still have perfectly watchable matches like Flair at this point it would be one thing, but Hogan is standing there while everyone else does the work because he’s too old and broken down.

Overall Rating: D+. The main difference between Raw and Smackdown is this show has something to look forward to. At least on here they’re setting up some fresh stuff (Edge getting a big push with the Angle feud, Orton looking to have potential) and you get at least one good match with some time every week. Over on Raw you get good talking from Flair and Austin but at some point that has to lead to a good match. I’ll take the good matches leading to something unknown over the good talking leading to a bad match any day and that’s what you get with Smackdown over Raw at the moment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 25, 2002
Location: Peoria Civic Center, Peoria, Illinois
Attendance: 8,350
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in a new era now as HHH is a full time Smackdown wrestler, which I’m sure will last for at least a few weeks. After all you can’t expect the biggest star in the company to be on the B show for very long. Other than that we’re going to get more of the Hulk Hogan nostalgia tour, which wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world earlier this week. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Hogan for his big talk, but only after a long ovation. I guess the nostalgic stuff does indeed play in Peoria. Hogan isn’t sure if he could have beaten HHH without Undertaker interfering so maybe tonight HHH should get his rematch. Cole: “What a first class champion!” Here’s HHH and Cole also names him a first class champion. Is that their buzzword of the week?

HHH talks about Hogan earning his respect and a handshake at Backlash (Cole: “What a moment that was.” No Cole, it wasn’t.) but tonight he’s earned it again by offering that rematch. The fans chant for Hogan and HHH FINALLY gets to the point: when he wins that title that he loves, will Hogan be man enough to shake his hand? Instead here’s Vince to cut them both off (thank goodness) and say that he’s the co-owner of the WWE so he makes the matches.

Vince polls the fans on Hogan vs. HHH but says no because HHH is a criminal who doesn’t deserve a rematch. Fair enough and it’s nice to see one of those arrests actually be brought up for once. Instead, Hogan can defend the title next week against the winner of tonight’s main event: HHH vs. Chris Jericho. Makes sense: you want to torture HHH so put him in a #1 contenders match against the guy he always beats. Oh and if the bosses can make #1 contenders matches all the time, what was the point in having Undertaker vs. Austin at Backlash? I’m over thinking this one aren’t I?

Rico critiques Chuck’s massage technique when Tajiri comes in. Japanese stereotypes ensue and Rico doesn’t think much of Torrie’s look. The solution is a bandana but Tajiri steals it instead. This screams “stuff that only makes Vince laugh”.

Maven/Al Snow/Billy Kidman vs. Billy and Chuck/Tajiri

For the sake of clarity, I’ll only refer to Billy Gunn as Billy. Kidman and Chuck start things off with a belly to belly sending Kidman flying. It’s off to Maven, who eats a hard clothesline from Billy but Snow comes in to save his student. Tajiri stops to yell at Torrie, leaving Kidman to tornado DDT Billy for no cover. To throw away whatever we had going here, Maven and Snow rip off Billy and Chuck’s trunks, sending them running up the aisle. Torrie pulls Rico’s down, leaving Kidman to counter Tajiri’s powerbomb. The shooting star press puts Tajiri away.

Rating: D. I was starting to dig this one and then it went flying out the window with more “comedy”. Are we really still on Maven/Snow vs. Billy and Chuck after they lost their nothing pay per view title match? Torrie finally turning on Tajiri will be fun enough and it’s going to make her even more popular than she already was. Tajiri on the other hand has already gotten pinned four days after winning the title back to set the Brand Split record.

Kurt Angle calls a security guard fat and brags about his new t-shirt reveal later tonight. The shirt is going to list all of his accomplishments so the smallest size available is XXL. If the security guard plays his cards right, he might get one at half price. I could watch this Angle for days.

Stacy Keibler massages Vince’s temples until he’s interrupted by some newcomer. Vince: “Oh that’s right. You’re uh, you’re Randy Orton.” The boss leaves and Stacy likes the black sweatshirt and basketball shorts look. After admiring his hands (I don’t get it either), she offers to critique his holds by putting his hands on her hips. Vince comes back in and she claims he stripped for no reason. That earns him a match with Hardcore Holly.

This week’s power challenge: Mark Henry bending a frying pan. That goes fine so Test pulls out a steel rod. Why does he have a steel rod you ask? Well doesn’t every Canadian carry a steel rod? That’s bent as well so Christian, the guy who introduced the frying pan, jumps Henry like a moron.

Randy Orton vs. Hardcore Holly

It’s so strange to see Orton only having about six tattoos. They hit the mat for some chain wrestling to start until Orton gets a quick near fall off something like a bulldog. Holly isn’t about to get beaten up by a rookie though and gets in the kick to the very low abdomen. We get some shots to the chest in the vein of Sheamus’ forearms until Orton comes back with a dropkick. Orton’s high crossbody sets up an Oklahoma roll for the surprise pin. Nothing to the match, other than the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time.

Angle talks to a photographer about how big his shirt reveal is going to be but Edge is seen replacing it. For some reason the photographer is told to get the shirt in the ring.

Here’s Angle for the reveal, though he has to wait on the YOU SUCK WHAT chants. After insulting the town a bit, Angle explains the concept of having his accomplishments listed on the back of his shirt. I’m hoping the fans in the arena didn’t see that segment earlier or they’re going to be bored and do something stupid like chant WHAT to everything Angle says.

Before we get the reveal, here’s Edge to interrupt. Edge congratulates him on winning at Backlash and wants to see the new shirt. Every the knucklehead, Angle buys into it and the shirt is revealed. I’ll give you one guess what two words are printed on it and Angle’s reaction when he sees it.

Recap of HHH invading Raw and attacking Undertaker.

Mark Henry vs. Christian

Christian comes in and is thrown over the top with one arm. Back in and Henry runs him over, followed by a headbutt for two. A low blow gets Christian out of a claw hold but Henry grabs a bearhug for the win. This one note character stuff is why Henry never went anywhere for years and this run isn’t changing anything.

Jericho is ready to win tonight because he wants to beat HHH once and for all. See, he only lost at Wrestlemania because of a high fever.

Rikishi/Edge vs. Kurt Angle/Albert

It’s two feuds in one but my goodness those are two odd sounding teams. They pair off with Edge and Angle fighting in the ring to start. Angle throws him over with a belly to belly and brings in Albert for all of five seconds before it’s back to Kurt. Rikishi gets to clean house off the hot tag because you pick RIKISHI for that spot over Edge. A running seated senton crushes Albert with Kurt making the save. An Angle Slam takes Rikishi down but Edge spears Angle before he can cover. The Baldo Bomb puts Rikishi away as Edge stomps on Angle outside.

Rating: D+. If you can find a way around the time issues, the better move here would have been to do two singles matches instead of a tag. We already did the double feud tag match earlier tonight and when you consider we already had two massage segments, it doesn’t exactly make Smackdown look like the most creative show in the world.

D-Von takes up another collection but someone steals the money. That earns him a horrible beating, which is supposed to make D-Von look evil but what would you do if some goon tried to steal your money? Especially if you’re a wrestler and he’s a plant.

Angle yells at the security guard, who is now wearing a YOU SUCK shirt.

Chris Jericho vs. HHH

Winner gets a title shot next week. Jericho bails to the floor to start but the chase goes to HHH, who sends Jericho shoulder first into the post twice in a row. A spinwheel kick has HHH in trouble and but a sleeper is just boring. HHH comes back with a shot to the face and does the falling low blow headbutt. With both guys down we cut to the back to see Undertaker coming into Vince’s office.

Back with Jericho hitting the Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) for two as Cole freaks out over Undertaker showing up. Then again, it would be more amazing for Cole not to freak out over something. A neckbreaker and spinebuster give HHH two but Jericho gets the same off a missile dropkick.

The Pedigree is countered into a backslide for two more and we get the usual Walls/rope grab combo. Jericho grabs a chair (because that’s worked so well for him) and gets DDT’d for two. Cue Undertaker for a distraction though and Jericho grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B. It’s so nice to have a long match that doesn’t involve Austin and/or the NWO. On top of that, Jericho actually beat HHH in a match that means something. Just by setting that up you prevent these matches from feeling like a waste of time until you get to the only possible ending.

Undertaker and Jericho beat on HHH until Hogan makes the save and punches Undertaker into the crowd to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped this show a lot but there was too much bad in the first hour and forty minutes for the main event to save it. They really need to elevate someone new to the main event already because HHH and Jericho are the best possible combination and that’s going to get old quickly. The rest of the card is in trouble too but that’s really more boring than bad, which can be even worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Backlash 2002
Date: April 21, 2002
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 12,489
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first pay per view after the Brand Split and it really is a tale of two shows at this point. Raw is absolutely horrendous at the moment with an unmotivated Undertaker vs. Steve Austin as the main feud (and the Raw main event here) for the next WWF World Title match. That would be your Smackdown main event here as HHH is defending against Hulk Hogan for reasons of pure nostalgia. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about HHH vs. Hogan with Hulk talking about how he needs the title one more time to validate his career after being away for so long. HHH says that was then and this is now, meaning it’s no longer Hogan’s time.

Cruiserweight Title: Kidman vs. Tajiri

Kidman is defending after taking the title from Tajiri a few weeks back. Tajiri also has Torrie in the geisha outfit. Standard cruiserweight style to start with an exchange of armdrags as Lawler complains about Torrie being covered up. Tajiri goes with the kicks and choking to take over, including the required chinlock. A baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe makes it even worse and Tajiri starts in on the back. That means the Tarantula goes on but Tajiri can’t hit the Buzzsaw Kick.

Instead he gets two off a bridging German suplex as the crowd is already dying. A big kick to the head gets two on the champ but for some reason Tajiri tries a powerbomb. The shooting star misses and Tajiri’s Buzzsaw gets two. That actually earns a KIDMAN chant as the fans can get behind someone who keeps fighting through adversity. Tajiri loads up something off the top but gets pulled down with a sitout powerbomb. Kidman tries a powerbomb of his own but KIDMAN CAN’T POWERBOMB YOU as Tajiri mists him in the eyes for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. The back and forth action was fine but there wasn’t much heart to this one. The fans got behind Kidman for all of ten seconds before Tajiri misted him to take the title back. It’s not a bad choice for an opener but this felt like something out of WCW: give them a little time and have the fans forget about it so the real stars can take over. It’s no wonder Kidman did that “no one knows who I am” promo on Smackdown.

The APA have a very quick reunion.

Scott Hall vs. Bradshaw

Remember a month ago when Hall was fighting Austin at Wrestlemania? The NWO (as in X-Pac) is at ringside so here’s Faarooq to have Bradshaw’s back. Bradshaw punches Scott in the jaw to start and a DDT sends him outside. That means a beating from Faarooq, followed by something like a right hand to X-Pac who can barely sell that properly. Back in and Hall does his discus punch with almost no pop behind it.

An APA chant doesn’t do much for Bradshaw but he gets in a shoulder to put both guys down. We get the Bowling Shoe line from JR as Hall is stumbling around, leaving Bradshaw of all people to carry this mess. The Clothesline knocks Hall’s head off but X-Pac puts the foot on the ropes. Faarooq takes care of X-Pac, leaving Hall to hit a horrible low blow to set up a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D-. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m feeling very sorry for Bradshaw around this time. The guy is stuck taking care of the veteran star and Hall has no business being on a major show at this point. It’s very clear he doesn’t care and is just out there for a paycheck and that leaves Bradshaw in over his head (not his fault) against someone who can’t help him through the match. The result is a disaster, save for the fans being VERY excited for an APA reunion. You know, less than a month after their split.

Vince laughs at Flair for screwing up Raw so far but Ric says he’ll never be like Vince at the helm of the show. Hands are NOT shaken and this goes nowhere.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Trish is challenging and I keep forgetting how great she looked around this time. Actually hang on a second as here’s Molly Holly instead of Jazz. Molly says the Women’s Champion shouldn’t have to flaunt her body and hits Trish in the face with the mic. A whip sends Trish into the steps and here’s Jazz to get things going.

Trish is ready to go and drops Jazz throat first across the top rope. Jazz starts punching and we get some Mike Tyson comparisons. The Stratusphere puts Jazz down again but since that’s just a glorified hurricanrana, a sitout powerbomb gets two on Trish. The Stratusfaction is broken up (because it’s a bulldog) and a dragon screw legwhip sets up an STF to retain Jazz’s title.

Rating: D+. Time hurt them here but the story before the match really didn’t help. Yeah Molly did some damage but Trish tried her signature move and Jazz did the leg damage that set up the STF. Jazz really doesn’t serve much of a purpose here other than being a dragon for Trish to slay at some point in the future and that’s really not interesting. It was better than the previous match though so things are looking up.

We recap Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar, which is mainly over Paul Heyman stealing Lita’s underwear on Raw.

Heyman gives Lesnar an unnecessary pep talk.

Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Lita is in Jeff’s corner and this is Brock’s in ring debut. Jeff goes after him to start and is thrown outside like a fly. A high crossbody gives Jeff two and it’s time for the beating to begin. We go to the yet to be built Suplex City before some backbreakers make it even worse for Jeff.

A pair of Irish whips have Jeff reeling but he comes back with a Whisper in the Wind to put Brock down. JR calls that a rare occasion, which is technical true due to Brock having about three minutes of ring time in the WWF at this point. The Swanton only gets two and that’s about it for Jeff. Hardy gets a chair so Brock scoops him up for an F5 onto the steel. Heyman: “DON’T PIN HIM! HURT HIM!” Lesnar gives him three straight powerbombs and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. That’s all Lesnar needed to do here though you could argue it should have been against Matt and Jeff at the same time. Heyman telling Lesnar to hurt him was the perfect line and Brock looks like an unstoppable monster. On top of it all though is Jeff’s selling as he makes you think he’s been shot every time he takes another big shot.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Edge in a rematch after Edge beat Angle in their first match. That’s not cool with Kurt so it’s time for revenge. This is a way for Edge to look great and move up the ladder and almost no one can help him better than Angle.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

I love those big pieces of metal that swing back and forth to go with the Backlash name. You don’t see that kind of stuff enough anymore. Angle makes the mistake of charging at Edge to start and runs into some right hands. A flapjack sends Kurt outside and he’s rather upset by these circumstances.

Back in and a wicked German suplex sends Edge flying and an overhead belly to belly gets two. It’s already off to the chinlock and things slow down a bit. Edge fights back again and gets in a belly to belly of his own to buy a breather. The yet to be named Edgecution gets two on Angle but Edge takes too long on top, allowing Angle to run the corner for the superplex. That always looks great.

Some rolling Germans give Angle more near falls but Edge gets in something like a release German suplex of his own. A backdrop puts Angle on the floor again (Why is that floor so shiny?) and Edge dives down onto him for a lighter pop than I was expecting. Back in and an Angle Slam sets up a quick ankle lock but Edge rolls through for a near fall. Angle brings in a chair (Why does the referee never even try to stop that?) but walks into an Edge-o-Matic. The spear is blocked by a knee to the face and the Angle Slam gives Kurt the clean pin.

Rating: B. I know he’s run a lot of his legacy into the ground but dang Angle was good back in the day. It’s crazy to think that he had only been in the WWF about two and a half years at this point because he’s been great for so long. Edge is getting a heck of a rub out of this feud and it’s doing a lot to make him into a bigger deal. That’s such an important key to his career: they didn’t go nuts and hot shot Edge because they knew he was going to be something special. Let him season in this role and then move him up when he’s ready.

Here’s Chris Jericho who doesn’t have a match tonight. Just thirty days ago he was the WWF Champion but now he doesn’t have a match. Billy Kidman, Trish Stratus and MAVEN can get matches but he’s left off the show? JR: “What a bitter young man.” Actually what a person with a point. It’s ok though because Jericho knows he’s better than Hulk Hogan. Since he doesn’t have a match tonight, he’s out of here. Standard “hey I’m here and I’ll be back” segment.

Undertaker comes in to see Flair (and Arn Anderson) but just stares at him.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is challenging after returning recently and this is a battle of the frog splashes. Van Dam tries the kicks but gets taken down by the leg in a smart move. Rob’s shoulders in the corner don’t do much good either so he kicks Eddie down for two. It’s way too early for a splash though as Eddie crotches him down. Eddie can’t get a superplex though and Van Dam drapes him throat first across the top rope to really take over.

They head outside with Van Dam moonsaulting off the apron to set up the spinning kick to the back. Rolling Thunder is blocked, probably because it involves so much time and noise. A surfboard with Eddie bending Van Dam back into a dragon sleeper makes things even worse for the champ. That’s playing to Rob’s natural assets as most people can’t bend that way.

The Gory Stretch is countered into a sunset flip but Eddie stomps him down all over again. Eddie takes too long setting up his own frog splash so he sunset bombs Van Dam off the top for two instead. The near fall makes Eddie bring in the title and a neckbreaker onto the belt sets up the frog splash to give us a new champion.

Rating: B-. Oh yeah Eddie is back and that’s a great thing. Eddie looked awesome here and was obviously way ahead of Van Dam in the ring which had to be expected. Van Dam is always one of those guys who was there to drop the title to a better option as champion and that’s a role he played as well as anyone else. Good match here and most of that is due to Guerrero.

We recap Austin vs. Undertaker which is somehow mostly about Ric Flair. Undertaker beat Flair up at Wrestlemania so Undertaker wanted to make him miserable. Austin doesn’t like authority figures in general so Flair has made himself guest referee for this #1 contenders match.

Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

Flair is guest referee and has on red shoes that probably cost more than Nikita Koloff’s house. They start with technical stuff which means this is probably going to have a lot of time for reasons I don’t want to comprehend. A shoulder puts Austin on the floor for an early breather before doing that weird checking his watch thing.

We stop for some Austin push-ups (I don’t get it either.) before a clothesline drops Undertaker. An armdrag (???) and drop toehold (?!?) put Undertaker down into a Fujiwara armbar as we flash back to 1992 for some reason. Back up and Undertaker’s big boot takes over but we slow it down with a wristlock. Old School is broken up and Undertaker is knocked outside to finally makes this the brawl people expected to see.

Austin sends him into the announcers’ table but we have to stop for a knee brace adjustment. A slugout sends Undertaker into the crowd and here’s the NWO to help validate their contracts. Undertaker takes over again and hits the apron legdrop. It’s time to work on Austin’s leg as this is just dying. A Figure One Leglock sends Austin over to the ropes but I can’t stop looking at Flair’s stupid red shoes. Really you have two guys in all black and a referee in a striped shirt, black pants, and bright red shoes. Who let him get away with that?

A chinlock keeps Austin in trouble and a belly to back suplex gets two. In case that’s too exciting for you, here’s another chinlock and a forearm rubbed across Austin’s face. The announcers keep talking about the NWO, who haven’t done anything in the six or seven minutes they’ve been out here. Austin comes back with right hands so weak he’d criticize them on the podcast when he’s being all picky about a match but the jumping clothesline puts him down again.

Undertaker takes off a turnbuckle pad but gets whipped into it, followed by a double clothesline to put both guys down AGAIN. Geez end this nonsense already and bring Van Dam and Guerrero out here for round two. Some WHAT right hands have Undertaker in trouble but the referee, as in RIC FLAIR gets bumped off a collision. The Stunner connects but Flair is down for over thirty seconds.

Undertaker gets in a low blow and the chokeslam as Flair is on his feet after a minute. A slow two count ticks Undertaker off and a snap spinebuster gets the same for Austin. The Stunner is broken up and Flair is bumped again, leaving Undertaker to crack Austin with a chair for another slow two. Austin stomps a mudhole and grabs the chair, which is kicked into his face for the pin to make Undertaker #1 contender, despite Austin’s foot being on the rope.

Rating: D. Once we got past the point where they were obviously stalling for time, this got into the regularly not great Undertaker vs. Austin match. These two just don’t work that well together and they never have. Unfortunately this was much more about Austin than either wrestler and that’s almost never a good sign. This went on for twenty seven minutes but Van Dam and Guerrero couldn’t even get twelve. That sums up so many of Raw’s problems in one match. Oh and the NWO never did a thing and really just came out to take attention away from the match.

Austin Stuns Undertaker again.

Flair is shown the footage of Austin’s boot on the ropes and swears.

Tag Team Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Al Snow/Maven

Snow and Eyebrows Huffman are challenging. The champs jump them at the bell as JR makes gay jokes. The fight heads to the floor and Maven whips Billy into Snow to knock him off the apron. That means nothing though as the tag brings Snow in for some right hands until Chuck punches him down.

As expected, the announcers talk about Tough Enough instead of the match. That’s closer than they usually get at least. Snow gets in a drop toehold and it’s time for wacky unintentional sexually suggestive poses. Everything breaks down again and Rico kicks Chuck by mistake. Maven’s high crossbody gets two but another Rico distraction sets up the Jungle Kick to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. This was fine for what it was as they were only supposed to bridge the gap between the main events. You’re only going to get so much out of this student/teacher team and now it’s time to go somewhere else for the title shot. Unfortunately I have no idea who gets that shot as there really isn’t a division at the moment.

We recap HHH vs. Hulk Hogan which is the big finale to the Hogan nostalgia train. Vince gave Hogan the title shot for no real reason other than Hogan is popular and there’s nothing wrong with that. What has been wrong has been the horribly dull feud with HHH being serious and Hogan being Hogan. They really don’t have a reason to hate each other and the lame attempts to build up issues haven’t worked.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. HHH

HHH is defending and the graphic still has both belts for some reason. They do the big shoving match to start so I guess HHH is Ultimate Warrior in some weird revenge for Wrestlemania XII. Now it’s the lockup as JR keeps reminding us what a physical matchup this is. Like, did you know that HHH is really strong too?

Now it’s a fight over a top wristlock and then a headlock from Hogan. It would be nice if they approached first gear any time now. Hogan loses the bandana and presumably his strength as HHH hammers away in the corner. A backdrop and clotheslines give Hogan some offense and it’s time for brawling on the floor. HHH gets the better of it as a weak chant for the champ starts up.

A catapult sets up a rollup to give Hogan two and in the only moment of this match that I remember, Hogan uses a Diamond Cutter for two more. Of all the moves Hogan can use (and by that I mean about five), a Diamond Cutter? HHH starts in on the knee and gets booed out of the ring for it. Well to be fair would you want to start another phase of this match? As expected HHH turns into Ric Flair, who always had so much success against Hogan.

We hit a leg lock for a bit until Hogan kicks off the Figure Four. It’s right back to the knee though as the boring continues with some choking from the champ. The Figure Four goes on to make this match go on even longer in some form of torture. Like really, who was putting this show together and though “Hogan should get twenty minutes! That’s the ticket!”?

The hold is turned over and broken so we hit a sleeper as JR keeps trying to push the idea that the fans are the only thing keeping Hogan alive here. Two arm drops later, Hogan starts fighting up and gets in a belly to back suplex so he can have another rest. A running ax handle (Holy Japan!) sets up the big boot but here’s Jericho (duh) to take out the referee.

Jericho hits a loud chair shot to Hogan’s head but HHH would rather beat on Jericho instead of covering. It’s Hulk Up time and Hogan does the usual, only to miss the legdrop. There’s a Pedigree but here’s Undertaker to take out the referee. A chair to HHH’s head looks to finish but we get ANOTHER Hulk Up so Hogan can beat on Undertaker. With the big man dispatched, Hogan drops the leg to get the title back.

Rating: D-. While not as bad as some of Hogan’s WCW stuff (Mainly because of HHH. Ok all because of HHH.), this was REALLY boring as it went on probably ten minutes longer than it should have. Hogan is pure nostalgia and everyone in the company (save for him of course) knows it but for some reason we’re stuck watching him go out there for the better part of half an hour like he’s done…..maybe twice ever? Oh and well done on having HHH’s big title run last about a month. I’m so glad we spent months building that up for this kind of a reign.

A bloody HHH shakes Hogan’s hand so posing can take us out. Ignore the belt being nowhere in sight.

Overall Rating: D. There’s only so much you can do to get past the double main event. Angle vs. Edge and Van Dam vs. Guerrero are both good but they don’t combine to go as long as Austin vs. Undertaker. The rest of the show isn’t great either and there’s nothing worth going out of your way to see, save for maybe Angle vs. Edge. They really need a breath of fresh air on top and Hogan going out there and resting for more than half of an already too long match isn’t going to do it. There’s good stuff down the card but there’s no way around that double main event.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6