rSpring Break
Date: April 9, 2021
Location: Cuban Club, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Emil Jay, Kevin Gill

This is arguably the indy weekend main event and the show is hit and miss to say the least. You never know what you are going to see at something like this and that could go multiple ways. I’ve had a good time at these things before, but those were all the Joey Janela versions. Janela is on the card, but his name is no longer on the show. Let’s get to it.

No entrances or anything, as tends to be the case with a show like this.

Dave Penzer is ring announcer. Well that’s an upgrade.

Starboy Charlie vs. Billie Starkz

Charlie just turned 18 and is billed at 145lbs, which commentary says is AFTER he put some size on. Tony Deppen joins commentary because he worked with both of them before and wanted to see the match. Fair enough reason. In your “that’s not normal” stat, Gill says that Billie is closer in age to his four and a half month old son that she is to Gill himself. Feeling out process to start and they go to the mat for the technical off.

Charlie works on a hammerlock but gets leveraged outside without much effort. Back in and Charlie can’t get a Sharpshooter so Billie kicks him in the head. They trade some rollups for two each until Charlie snaps off an armdrag to take over. A dropkick into a standing shooting star press (Deppen: “If I did that, I’d throw my back out.”) gets two on Billie, who blocks the third Amigo.

Billie rolls some German suplexes, giving us the now ultra rare Chris Benoit name drop. Back up and Charlie gets sent into the corner for a kick to the face and an Ocean Cycle suplex (electric chair dropped backwards into something close to a German suplex) gets two. The eternally teased German suplex off the apron continues to be teased but Charlie takes her down in the corner.

The running corkscrew moonsault gets two and Charlie sends her flying with a t-bone suplex. They trade shots to the face for a double knockdown and a breather. Back up again and Charlie suplexes her into the Tree of Woe, setting up the running boot. Billie gets her knees up to block a 450, only to miss a Swanton. They glare at each other a bit until Charlie snaps off a Michinoku Driver (dropping Billie on her head) for the pin at 9:56.

Rating: C. This was action packed but a VERY indy style match. You could feel that they were trying to figure out where to go next after each spot because it didn’t have much of a flow. It was certainly entertaining, but these two need a lot more seasoning (fair enough given their age). That being said, opening a show like this is a good thing for them as the more ring time they get is going to help them out.

Post match 44OH (Bobby Beverly/Eric Ryan) come in for the double beatdown. That means we need a save, and probably a tag match.

44OH vs. Ironbeast

Ironbeast is KTB/Shane Mercer and this feels like a hoss fight. Mercer picks both of them up to start and KTB comes off the top with a high crossbody for the big crash. KTB feeds Beverly back inside for a powerbomb (over the ropes) to plant him down hard. That’s not enough as Only is put on KTB’s shoulders so Mercer can superplex him into the middle. It’s time for the doors but KTB takes too long and gets knocked outside.

Back in and Mercer gets double teamed with forearms to the back and kicks to the face. A tiger driver gets two on KTB but Mercer breaks up the drive through the table. Beverly Cannonballs Mercer against (not through) the table but KTB sends Only through the table without much effort. KTB hits a big dive to take Beverly out on the floor, leaving Mercer to take Only up.

That means a super gorilla press, dropped into a super flipping World’s Strongest Slam (good freaking grief). That’s not it either as KTB adds a powerbomb before throwing Only into a bridging German suplex to give Mercer (ignore his shoulders being down too) for the pin at 6:49.

Rating: C+. Nearly total destruction here, with 44OH (modern names can be really dumb) only getting in a little bit in the middle. Ironbeast is great for a team at this level, as they can do all of their crazy athletic power stuff without giving up much of anything. This was fun and completely different from the opener, which is what you expect on a show like this one.

Penzer says he’s old so Emil Jay can handle the rest of the announcing. Well that’s a downgrade.

Arez/Gringo Loco/Black Taurus vs. Aramis/Dragon Bane/Laredo Kid

Lucha rules of course and yeah I’m going to get lost in a hurry. The latter team comes out to Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz so they can’t be all bad (or they might not be bad at all). Loco drives Laredo into the corner to start and takes him down with a test of strength. Commentary talks about how this could be similar to what used to happen on Monday Nitro as a great introduction to lucha libre. If you’re watching GCW Spring Break, you know lucha libre and probably most of these people.

Loco cartwheels his way out of a headscissors and we get a staredown. A front flip lets Loco flip off his opponents and everyone comes in for the big staredown. Aramis and company snap off a bunch of headscissors to the floor with Arez getting knocked onto Taurus’ shoulders. That’s fine with Kid and Aramais, who hit stereo suicide dives for the double knockdowns.

Back in and a triple 450 has the villains (I think?) in more trouble but Arez scores with three straight tilt-a-whirl backbreakers. Aramis is fine enough to drop Arez onto the turnbuckle but Loco and Taurus are back in to take over with the triple teaming. Kid’s crazy high springboard is speared out of the air and Loco adds a heck of a moonsault for two. Bane’s save doesn’t work either and the triple stomping ensues.

Somehow he’s fine enough to kick Loco in the head and grab a spinning DDT on Taurus for a breather. Taurus isn’t having that and clotheslines a bunch of people but Bane and Aramais save Kid from something on top. That’s fine for the good guys, who hit a crazy stereo triple dive from the top to the floor. Back in and Aramis chops it out with Arez until Bane hits a brainbuster onto the knee.

Taurus kicks Bane in the head and drops him with a torture rack backbreaker, leaving Loco to hit a super Falcon Arrow to plant Aramis. Kid hits back to back moonsaults on Loco but Arez makes the save. A belly to back backbreaker gets two on Kid and it’s a double Old School, until Kid snaps off a springboard hurricanrana to drop Arez because of course they can do that. Loco walks the ropes for a flying cutter, leaving Aramis to hit a poisonrana on Taurus.

Since they haven’t gone insane enough, Loco puts Aramis on his shoulders with Kid on Aramis’ shoulders for a super cutter from Arez, because DANG. Taurus plants Aramis with a pop up Samoan drop and another one plants Bane. Aramis is back up with a very, very, very long spinning torture rack to Bane, which lasts so long that Kid can beat up Loco and go up top for a moonsault frog splash onto Arez and Bane can hit a springboard corkscrew dive onto Taurus. After THIRTY EIGHT SECONDS of spinning, Armais powerbombs Arez for the pin at 13:46.

Rating: B. Yep, what else are you expecting here? These matches are not designed to be anything more than a crazy exchange of spots coming one after another. There is no way to call something like this other than just listing stuff because these matches are not supposed to have any kind of a story. I had a blast with this though as I kept saying “sure why not” because people shouldn’t be able to do this kind of stuff. Awesome fun.

Post match the money is thrown into the ring to keep with tradition.

Joey Janela has sent Jordan Oliver a creepy Lio Rush tape. Then someone slips a note under Oliver’s door with the date of this show written on it.

Jordan Oliver vs. Lio Rush

Oliver is still called Big Breakfast and I still don’t know why. Rush has a very over the top entrance, with some kind of a contortionist moving around a lot to a rather slow song. Then Rush staggers out to what sounds like a rap he is performing himself and is called the Blackheart. The (few) fans are split before the bell and commentary talks about how they’re scared of this version of Rush.

They stare each other down for over a minute before Oliver kicks him out to the floor. Oliver’s suicide cutter drops Rush hard and we need a breather as they both have to get back up. A standing choke doesn’t get Oliver very far as Rush hits him in the face again. Oliver puts him in a chair and gets a running start around the ring, which takes far too long and lets Rush nail a jumping knee to the face. To mix things up, Rush puts him in the chair and hits his own running dive, which actually connects.

Back in and Rush hammers away, including a boot to the face in the corner. An ax kick gives Rush two so let’s bring in a door (which commentary thinks might be FORBIDDEN). Hold on though as Rush needs to stop and yell at a fan, allowing Oliver to strike away. Some kicks to the head rock Oliver but he’s fine enough to suplex Rush hard through the door for two.

It’s time for another door but Oliver takes too long and gets caught with rolling German suplexes. An overhead belly to belly sends Oliver through the door for a slightly delayed two as commentary doesn’t exactly get emotional with these near falls. Back up and the standing C4 cuts off Oliver’s comeback attempt as commentary hypes up Oliver being undefeated in GCW this year.

A superplex to the floor is broken up and a double knockdown puts them outside at the same time. Back in and they go with the big slugout, with commentary bringing up Karate Fighters. Oliver’s tiger driver gets two and a running kick to the face is good for the same. With Rush down, it’s time for more furniture, this time in the form of doors and chairs. Two of the doors are laid over a quartet of chairs at ringside but Rush stares at Oliver to….I guess possess him?

Either way, Oliver forearms him for two with Rush bridging up for the kickout. Rush is right back with some more rolling German suplexes but Oliver rolls through the last one and grabs a German suplex of his own. Oliver sends him to the apron, where Rush (barely) muscles him over for the Falcon Arrow outside through the doors. Back in and Rush takes WAY too long to set up a frog splash (Oliver was half sitting up) and dives into a cutter.

A springboard cutter gets a very close two on Rush and we get the big shocked face. Another cutter (without much impact) drops Rush onto the apron and they’re both down on the floor again. That’s only good for two back inside with Rush bridging up for the kickout again. Oliver loads up a super cutter but gets shoved off, allowing Rush to nail the frog splash. Something close to a Gargano Escape makes Oliver tap at 22:24.

Rating: B-. This was a very indy style big match, with the tables and a bunch of different versions of the same move. Rush is a bigger star, but Oliver has gotten a lot out of this whole weekend. Given that this loss makes him 3-1 on the day, it is pretty clear that he is putting in the ring time to get a good deal of experience. He is a long way from being signed by a big promotion, but this kind of match will get him some needed notice.

Atticus Cougar (great name, though apparently it is pronounced “Co-Gar”) talks about being a Masada fan since he was a kid and now he’s facing Masada in a death (erg) match. This match has been one of his top priorities and now it is time to prove himself. At some point, Cougar used Masada’s signature skewers on Masada’s head, which seems to be an act of war.

Atticus Cougar vs. Masada

Death match with commentary promising a lot of violence. There are weapons, including barbed wire, all around the ring to start. The brawl is on to start with Masada sending Cougar into a skewer board in the corner. Masada finds a piece of a broken door but Cougar kicks him in the face to break it up. A suicide dive is countered into a belly to back drop onto the apron and Masda doors him. Part of the door is raked over Cougar’s head but he is right back with some kendo stick shots.

Masada is back with a bed of toothpicks, which he puts on Cougar’s back and pounds it in. Said board is raked over Cougar’s head to draw the blood and then pulls some toothpicks out of his back. Something that looks like a kendo stick to the head knocks Cougar down again and it’s time for the skewers to the head. Cougar manages to dropkick him into a skewer covered board in the corner, some of which are then pounded into Masada’s head.

They fight outside where Masada can’t hit a powerbomb so Cougar gets in a shot to the face. Back in and the door is set onto two chairs, but first Cougar stabs him in the shoulder with the skewers. Masada is back with some mini skewers into Cougar’s head (where they stick) and now the powerbomb through the door gets two. The skewers go into Cougar’s mouth for another stomping and that means it’s time for a breather (and skewer removal) on the floor. A few fans try an ULTRAVIOLENCE chant as both guys stand around for a bit.

Back in and Masada grabs a powerbomb into the STF but Cougar uses a piece of wood to the hand to break it up. Cougar’s top rope double stomp gives him his own two so he puts Masada on a chair. It takes too long for him to go up top though and Masada is right there, only to get caught with a super headlock driver onto a chair. Say it with me: for two.

Cougar whips out a board with a gusset plate attached but Masada takes it away and hits him in the arm. A Death Valley Driver gets two and Masada drives said plate into the arm. Cougar hits him low and puts more skewers into the head, setting up the headlock driver to drive the skewers even further in, again, for two. A low superkick sets up a third headlock driver to finally finish Masada at 18:40.

Rating: D-. Somehow, this featured more wrestling than usual in these matches, though that didn’t exactly make it better. This was more mindless carnage and violence with all of the blood they could manage, but they used the skewers so it was awesome (allegedly). As usual, they weren’t exactly building to anything here and kept repeating the same weapons over and over. Yeah they used skewers earlier, but now they’re using them AGAIN! More nonsense and thankfully we get to move on.

Rich Swann vs. Lee Moriarty

Ok this could be good. Swann’s entrance has the fans dancing for a cool visual, with commentary talking about how wrestling brings people together and Twitter tears them apart. I guess we’re to ignore him asking fans to get the show trending on Twitter before the match. Moriarty comes in with taped up ribs and they go technical to start, including an exchange of armdrags.

Both of them try dropkicks at the same time and it’s an early standoff. They trade some flips until Swann hits the dropkick to take over for the first time. An armbar brings Moriarty back to his feet and he grabs a Codebreaker onto the arm. Swann needs a breather on the floor so Moriarty goes after him to sent the arm into various things. Back in and the arm is sent into the corner as commentary talks about the (pretty good) For The Culture show late last night.

Swann grabs a neckbreaker for a breather and the rolling splash gets two. Moriarty is right back on the arm and snaps off a heck of a DDT for two of his own. A double underhook tiger driver drops Swann again but he’s back up with a one armed handspring cutter for a very near fall. The frog splash gets two more so it’s time for the big slugout.

An exchange of kicks to the head puts both of them down and the fans are pleased. They go to a pinfall reversal sequence for multiple two’s each until Moriarty grabs a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up as well so Moriarty keeps hold of the arm and nails a lariat for another two. Moriarty takes him up top, where Swann bites the bad ribs (that’s a new one) to take him back down. The 450 finishes for Swann at 12:14.

Rating: B-. Oh sure, these two can only get twelve minutes while a fight over skewers to the head gets nearly twenty. Swann winning is completely fine, though Moriarty continues to be one of the real stars of the weekend. He is going to get a good chance somewhere in the future and matches like this one are only going to make it happen faster.

Chris Dickinson talks about how Joey Janela has been living off of his reputation for years now. He isn’t going to stand for Janela turning wrestling into a circus and now it is time to knock some sense into Janela. The snake’s head is coming off and Janela better come ready to go. Dickinson loves him though.

Chris Dickinson vs. Joey Janela

Janela is in Bam Bam Bigelow inspired gear and they go straight at it with the slugout. Dickinson grabs a powerbomb and then throws in a second to make it worse. Commentary recaps the feud here: they were stablemates and Janela agreed to put up the naming rights for the show for a World Title shot, where Dickinson turned on him, presumably for being too goofy. I’ve heard worse ideas. Dickinson throws in a door, which he breaks in some smaller pieces to go after Janela’s head.

With Janela busted open, Dickinson drives the wood into his head even more, as a proper monster should. The rest of the door goes onto Janela’s head and a running basement dropkick drives the door into him again. A half nelson suplex plants Janela for two so Dickinson takes him up top. It’s desperation time though and Janela grabs a top rope superplex for the much needed breather. Janela stomps away in the corner but Dickinson is back with some hard rolling German suplexes.

Somehow Janela pops back up with a roaring elbow for two of his own, setting up a broken door over the head. Dickinson suplexes him down again as commentary talks about Dickinson getting annoyed at putting in the effort while Janela gets everything handed to him. Dickinson heads outside and asks for a chair so the fans throw in a few dozen, with commentary being VERY against this, as they should be.

A chair to the head in the corner rocks Janela but he comes back with a superkick and DDT (yep, it’s an indy match). Dickinson clotheslines the heck out of him and they’re both down for a double breather. They head up top again, with Janela fighting out of another superplex attempt and hits a tornado DDT onto the pile of chairs. Dickinson rolls outside though, as this needs to keep going. A suicide dive sends the now bleeding Dickinson down again (Commentary: “Dickinson is F*****!”) and a top rope double stomp onto the chest gives Janela two back inside.

Janela blasts him in the head with a chair but Dickinson wants more. The delay lets Dickinson go low, setting up Death Valley Driver onto a chair for one (of course). They slug it out until Janela grabs his own Death Valley Driver for two. Dickinson catches him on top with a super Razor’s Edge toss for two more. Therefore, let’s bring in a ladder and a door, though Dickinson is smart enough to pause for a running boot to Janela’s head.

The really big ladder is set up in the corner and Dickinson bridges the door over four chairs. Janela comes back with a low blow and chair shot before climbing up. Dickinson meets him on top though and it’s a super Death Valley Driver through the door, say it with me, for two. The fans chant for JOEY KICKOUT as Dickinson is favoring his knee. The knee is good enough for some dragon screw legwhips to drop Janela, who shrugs it off to grab a Figure Four. Dickinson almost turns it over but finally taps at 21:57.

Rating: C. It was violent (with the blood thankfully only being a focus at the beginning) and it did tell a story of Janela fighting back against the powerhouse, but EGADS the kickouts were insane. That seems to be Janela’s thing and it works with this audience, though that doesn’t quite make it the easiest thing to watch. The action and high spots were good, but the eye rolling over the kickouts brought it right back down, as tends to be the case with these matches.

Post match Dickinson pulls himself up so Janela offers a handshake, only to have Dickinson spit in his hands and walk away. Janela says he’s back in GCW and gets a rather limited reaction. Some of the fans do seem to like him though, with commentary saying it means the internet doesn’t matter. They then tell us to go get GCW merch online.

Effy vs. Gregory Iron

Iron is a wrestler with cerebral palsy and has Virgil of all people (you knew he would pop up somewhere) with him. Ring announcer: “Being accompanied to the ring by……VIRGIL???”. Iron gives Virgil a big introduction, dubbing him a Spring Break Hall of Famer and the newest member of 44OH. This is billed as Brunch vs. B****, with Effy putting up the naming rights to his Big Gay Brunch (the actual title). Effy’s entrance lets commentary talk about how little Effy cares about what anyone thinks of him and how he is for everyone. He gets in Virgil’s face to start but Virgil has a bottle of vodka.

The distraction lets Iron get in some chair shots to take over in a hurry as commentary wonders how Virgil got that bottle (which is apparently for drinking, not product placement). Effy comes back with some chops in the corner as commentary wonders what Iron would serve at his brunch. Iron is back with a Thesz press and shots to the face as we talk about Iron appearing on Steve Austin’s podcast.

Something like a reverse Fameasser out of the corner gives Effy two, which has Virgil fairly disinterested (as he stands on the apron instead of the floor). A Codebreaker gets Iron out of trouble but Effy grabs a sunset flip and pulls Iron’s trunks down in the process. There’s a backsplash for two on Iron, whose trunks are still down so Effy gives it some spanks.

Virgil comes in for a distraction so Iron can get in a low blow, only to have Virgil hit him in the head with the vodka bottle by mistake (with Virgil flinching before hitting him to make it look pretty awful). Hold on though as Effy grabs some scissors to cut off Virgil’s 44OH shirt to reveal an Effy shirt. The fans are pleased as Iron (still with the trunks down) gets powerbombed for the pin at 5:59.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how much drama there was here and the match was more about comedy with some action thrown in. Effy seems to be a fan favorite and Iron seems to be quite the nasty heel, so the story worked out well enough. The problem is that it wasn’t very good and felt like a low level TV main event more than anything else. Granted I can appreciate that as we are almost at three hours on this show.

Post match Effy pulls Iron’s trunks back up, making him even more of a face.

A scafflold has to be built for the main event so here are some commercials.

Video on Rickey Shane Page vs. Nick Gage, with Page saying he came here, stole Gage’s manhood and title, so now it’s time to do it one more time.

We pause for a good while to put up enough light tubes to make half of a cage.

GCW World Title: Rickey Shane Page vs. Nick Gage

Page (apparently the leader of 44OH) is defending and it’s a deathmatch with nearly an hour to go in the show (oh boy). The entrances take the better part of ever as commentary REALLY hypes up the war between Gage and 44OH. Gage gets his Big Match Intro and then jumps Page with a light tube during his own, because Gage isn’t that nice. Page is whipped into a wall of light tubes and it’s time for Gage to stab him in the back with a piece of broken tube.

Another whip into the corner sends Page through a sheet of glass and Gage shrugs off a whip into tubes. The Facewash into the light tubes hits Page in the corner as Page is already busted badly. Gage can’t quite get out of the ring but eventually manages a springboard backsplash to drive him through a barbed wire/glass board. Some fans hold up chairs so Gage can send him face first into them as commentary talks about the glory that is Nick Gage. Page is finally able to score with a light tube of his own (my goodness it feels dumb to say things like this) and it’s time to gouge Gage’s forehead.

That’s a bit more than Gage is willing to sell though and Page is whipped through another glass panel. Back in and another light tube goes over Page’s head and Gage does it again for good measure. Gage gets whipped hard into the other wall of light tubes and Page breaks another one over Gage’s face. A comeback is countered with a backdrop over the top and through another sheet of glass, with Gage nearly landing on his head.

Page starts going after Gage’s injured ankle (which has been a problem for months) before taking him to the apron for a toss suplex through a bed of light tubes. That’s only good for two back inside, because it’s only been about 50 light tubes so far. Gage is a bit blinded from….well everything really, and hits the referee by mistake (BECAUSE A REFEREE MATTERS SO MUCH IN THIS THING) setting up a DDT and spinebuster. Another light tube connects with Page’s head and then Gage uses a jagged piece of tube to start carving MDK into Page’s back.

Page climbs the scaffold and here is Gregory Iron to slow Gage down. That earns him a piledriver onto various pieces of glass as Effy comes out to take care of Iron. Cue more 44OH members to go after Gage, with Page directing traffic while down on the scaffold. A table is loaded up and here’s a big package of light tubes wrapped around whatever is inside the thing.

44OH takes forever to load up more glass so here are Joey Janela and some more guys (to Walk by Pantera, making me think that that we were getting a Rob Van Dam cameo) to even things up. Gage gets up and points at Page on top of the scaffold, with Gage following (as we hear a production worker talking about having Gage’s music ready).

Page is tossed through the glass and most of the tubes, completely missing the table they are on. The rest of the tubs are smashed over Page’s back as we have a new referee. Gage finishes carving the M into Page’s back but gets hit low, setting up a chokebreaker for two. The referee gets a chokebreaker as well so here is Atticus Cougar to load up ANOTHER sheet of glass over some chairs.

Some skewers go into Gage’s head and now it’s time to put more chairs and another sheet of glass onto the first sheet of glass. Cue promoter Brett Lauderdale to hit Cougar with some tubes, allowing Gage to powerbomb himself through the two sheets (with Page landing on the mat and Gage going through everything) for two. A chokebreaker gives Gage the title back at 24:37.

Rating: D-. Ignoring the rather sickening worship of Gage by commentary, the insane blood, all of the interference and the ridiculous amount of missed spots, this was full of a lot of the same problems you often have from a deathmatch: it was so repetitive that none of it had any impact. See, they used a light tube, but then they used like A HUNDRED light tubes. They put him through a sheet of glass? Well how awesome would it be if they did it five times??? This was a big story for this audience, but dang these things are not for me and the actual content of the matches is one of the least problems.

Post match Lauderdale hands Gage some spray paint so he can paint MDK on the old belt (which had been painted by Page). Hold on though as some music plays and we have Jon Moxley for the big staredown with Gage. They go nose to nose, with some of Gage’s blood getting on Moxley’s face. Moxley goes to leave but Gage shouts some expletives and now the fight is on (like Donkey Kong, according to commentary).

Moxley lays him out with the Paradigm Shift and then hits another onto the light tubes. Gage is down so Moxley gets to pose a lot and leaves, with Gage popping back up because he doesn’t stay down. Gage asks where his motherf****** gang is and calls Moxley a variety of bad names. He thanks the fans for having his back and worrying about him while he was out with an injury.

What matters is that he is the best deathmatch wrestler in the world and he and Moxley will have a REAL deathmatch. Everything around here is real and none of these weapons are fake so we’ll see who is really tough. Gage hits the catchphrase, wants one of his friends let out of prison, and hits the catchphrase again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The thing that needs to be understood here is that there are a lot of good matches on here. A lot of this stuff had nothing to do with the violence or the hardcore and was just about having some solid action. They had a good mixture of action with various kinds of wrestling and a lot of it is watchable at best and very entertaining at worst.

Then you have the deathmatch stuff and simply put, you’re either into it or you’re not and there isn’t much of a middle ground. One thing that does help is that (possible quality aside), there is certainly a main story going on through GCW, with 44OH seemingly feuding with most of the promotion. That’s fine for a story to have going on and it does seem like the deathmatches were set up, but they’re absolutely not my thing and it brings the rest of the show down. If you’re into some rather watchable indy stuff, this is absolutely worth a look, but you might want to have the fast forward ready for two of the longer matches.

 

 

 

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Partymania III
Date: January 25, 2019
Location: The Nile, Mesa, Arizona

So here’s one you’ve probably never heard of, though somehow it’s the second show I’ve done from this same venue this year. This is from Party Hard Wrestling, which is one of the roughly 438 indy promotions with shows available on Independentwrestling.TV. I got a twenty day free trial so I thought I’d try some very random ones and see what they had. Let’s get to it.

Believe it or not, I have no idea what to expect, what’s going on or who these people are.

Opening sequence, with a song saying I WANT TO PARTY WITH YOU over and over.

Pizza Party Battle Royal

Jody Summers, Gourdin, Bradley Banister, Lucha Starr, Tank Engine Thomas, Macho Mouse, Thugnificent, Josh Carey, Ana May, Pete The Heat, Esgrima Gomez, JB2

It’s a battle royal but after each person is eliminated, they go to a table and get a pizza box containing further instructions. The prize to the winner: a golden fanny pack. Well what else were you expecting? As is the case with most low level indies, I can barely understand the entrances (thank goodness for lists of wrestlers on the title screen). There are a lot of masked men in this and I’m not sure which is which, save for some quick words from the announcer when he comes in clearly enough.

Thugnificent has a title on a chain around his neck. Gomez is in fencing gear for some reason and JB2 is Slater from Saved By The Bell, down to being billed from Bayside. And….there is no commentary on this show so I’m going to be even more lost than usual. Everyone gangs up on Thomas (the biggest guy in the match) to get rid of him, meaning we can get to the traditional fighting on the ropes.

Hang on though as Thomas’ further instructions are to GO BACK IN. Thomas: “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” Thugnificent grabs May (the only woman in the match) by the hair and tells her to say something else. Instead she hits him in the face as the regular battle royal brawling goes on around them. May punches Thugnificent out, with him shouting that she is on steroids. Hang on though as Thugnificent’s box also says go back in. We could be here for a long time at this rate.

Thugnificent gets put out again and I’m assuming this one is for good. Macho Mouse is tossed with Ana following him a few seconds later. Gourdin is out and Ana’s pizza box says she’s out. Gomez is tossed and both his and Gourdin’s boxes say they’re out. Summers and Banister are out but both get to go back in, as does Starr. Carey is tossed and he’s out for good. JB2 gets tossed with Banister following him out, as I’m trying as hard as I can to keep track of who is left.

Pete is out as JB2 is back in and Thomas eliminates Gomez, leaving us with Thomas, JB2 and Summers (I think that’s it at least.). All boxes have been delivered so it’s now just a regular battle royal. Thomas tosses JB2 and the rather tall Summers’ forearms have no effect. Naturally he leverages Thomas out a few seconds later for the win at 10:06.

Rating: D. Oh I’m in for a long one here. The camera work is a near nightmare as everything seems to be filmed on a handheld camera with nothing but closeups for the whole match. The lack of commentary isn’t helping either as I could barely keep track of who was in and who was going back in. This might have worked with a lot more structure, but what we had was so all over the place that it didn’t work.

Summers can’t believe he won and JB2 celebrates with him.

EJ Sparks vs. Spyder

EJ dances to the ring and seems to be the fun character. Spyder, with some weird triangle shaped sunglasses that he’ll be wrestling in, jumps him before the bell. The fans respond with a HEY! WE WANT SOME EJ chants as Spyder kicks him in the back. They get inside for the opening bell and EJ hits a jumping middle rope kick to the ribs to take over. The referee wants things to settle down and Spyder hits a Backstabber.

An uppercut to the back gets two and you can hear what sounds like a three year old with the WE WANT SOME EJ chant for a rather adorable moment. Spyder’s suplex gets two and he yells at the referee before hitting a running basement dropkick in the corner. Spyder says it’s time to go to sleep but EJ hits a jumping enziguri. A belly to back faceplant gets two but Spyder grabs the referee to get in a low blow. Spyder Rolls the Dice for the pin at 5:42.

Rating: D+. Neither of these two were even somewhat impressive as the only thing that stood out was Spyder’s glasses. Sparks seems fine for a fun character and the fans like him but it’s not like he’s doing anything that hasn’t been done better elsewhere. Spyder can swear a lot but neither of them were impressive in the ring. This show isn’t getting off to a good start and I don’t think I see it getting better.

Lethal Injection vs. Arrow Club vs. Team AF vs. Lunar Patrol

Elimination rules for the #1 contendership to the Tag Team Titles. This show really doesn’t need another multi person match right now. Since the audio isn’t great, I have no idea what their individual names are and it’s going to be hard enough to remember which team is which. Lethal Injection seem to be the only heels here. Since there are no individual names, we’ll go with Lethal 1 and AF 1 start things off, with AF 1 dancing a lot and giving Lethal 1 a quick spank.

After a lot of dancing, Lethal 1 grabs a wristlock but gets pulled into a waistlock for more dancing. Let’s do a quick summary of the next few seconds: headlock, dancing, shoulder, dancing, hiptoss, dancing, more dancing, neckbreaker, two. It’s off to AF 2 vs. the male member of the Lunar Patrol, the latter of whom seems to be wrestling at half speed. I’m not sure if it’s intentional and supposed to tie into the different gravity on the moon, but it’s really annoying.

Arrow 1 (the woman) and the female Patrol comes in with Arrow 1 grabbing a quick bearhug. That’s broken up so Lunar woman hits a headscissors. Lethal 2 tags himself in and shoves Arrow 1, who shoves him right back. AF 1 finds this HILARIOUS and it’s off to Arrow 2, who loudly shouts to suck his tomahawk. That earns him a hard chop but he’s right back with an even harder one, followed by a double hand chop for good measure. This is HIS reservation you see, though Lethal has some reservations about that and clotheslines him to the floor.

Almost everyone gets sent outside and AF 1 hits a suicide dive. Lunar 2 dives off the top onto everyone as well, leaving AF 2 to load up a dive of his own. Lethal Force double elbows him down though and we settle back into a regular (as regular as a four way can be) structure. A double back elbow sets up an assisted splash for two but AF 2 jawbreaks his way to freedom. Arrow 1 comes in off the hot tag but gets dropped with a double Regal Cutter.

The Lethals stop to flip off the crowd, allowing Arrow 1 to suplex both of them down. Lunar Patrol comes in and sends the Lethals into each other, setting up the female Luna with a rollup to get rid of them at 12:44. The Arrows hit a Russian legsweep/big boot combination for two on the female Lunar with the male Lunar making the save. That just gets him stomped down into the corner but the Lunars double bulldog Arrow 1 for two.

The Lunars get the Arrows into quickly broken stereo Rings of Saturn….as the female Lunar seems to go into a fit in the corner. She shouts that IT WON’T STOP as the Arrows launch the male Lunar into a German suplex for the double pin at 15:15. We’re down to AF vs. Arrow Club for the title shot, with the female Lunar screaming as she leaves. She yells at her partner and stomps him before leaving on her own as we seem to have a bit of insanity.

AF 2 and Arrow 1 slug it out with Arrow’s delayed vertical suplex being broken up with a knee to the head. Arrow 2 comes in for a wheelbarrow suplex into a cutter, followed by a spinning powerbomb for two. It’s off to AF 1 for some superkicks though, setting up a pumphandle powerslam on Arrow 2. AF hits a top rope splash for the pin and the title shot at 18:08.

Rating: C. Match of the night here, despite having no idea who any of these people were. The teams had unique enough gimmicks but they didn’t exactly do anything to make them stand out, save for the cringe inducing tomahawk line. The wrestling was nothing that hadn’t been done better before, but given the circumstances, this was perfectly watchable and didn’t feel long.

We go to the female Lunar’s apartment where the male Lunar comes in to check on her. She screams at him that they keep losing and it’s all his fault as the screen cuts to black. Could be interesting.

LJ Ramos vs. Starlos

Falls Count Anywhere. Ramos (who thankfully has an LJ hat on) comes to the ring in a half clown mask. Starlos is a bit bigger (with 305 on his vest) and the fight starts on the floor in a hurry, as should be the case in a gimmick match like this. They fight over by the merch tables and bar with Starlos stopping for a drink. I believe we get the opening bell as the fans want to know where the referee is. Did anyone check the bar?

Starlos throws him into and then hits him with some chairs before it’s into the ring for the first time. Ramos gets in a few right hands but Starlos crushes him with a splash. The near fall is enough for Starlos to yell at the referee for not being out in the crowd earlier. Some more right hands gives Ramos two as the pace slows down a lot. A running hip attack in the corner hits Starlos and it’s time to go outside again.

Starlos gets posted but avoids a chair shot, only to have Ramos slug away back inside. A sitout powerbomb gets two and a slam Starlos slams him onto a chair. The big elbow only hits chair though and Ramos grabs a double arm DDT onto the chair for a big crash. Ramos can’t cover though and Starlos rolls outside to save himself. With the chair not working, Ramos grabs a bat, only to get a chair pelted at his head. Cue Tank Engine Thomas to beat Starlos down though and a bat shot to the head gives Ramos the pin at 10:41.

Rating: D. I wasn’t feeling this one as it was a low motion fight with the Falls Count Anywhere part not adding much. It would have been fine as a street fight perhaps but I was expecting more from the gimmick. This is also a situation where commentary would have helped as we could have heard why Thomas interfered. I don’t know if it was expected or a surprise and that takes away whatever impact it could have had.

Tag Team Titles: Johnny Savoi/??? vs. Uninvited

The Uninvited (Oliver Grimsley Alex something I can’t make out) are challenging and Alex spits beer in Savoi’s face during the entrances. Savoi doesn’t have a partner to start so the beatdown is on with one VERY excited Alex fan cheering him on. They get inside for the opening bell and it’s a Backstabber into a Codebreaker for a double one finger cover. Cue someone named Jack Jameson to I’LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU from Mulan, making him the most awesome thing on the show so far.

Jameson cleans house and we even go old school with a double noggin knocker. Savoi is back up as well and posts Alex as Jameson works on a wristlock inside. We settle down to Savoi dropping an elbow for two on Grimsley but it’s quickly off to Alex. That means Savoi’s fingers are bent backwards and Grimsley’s elbow to the back of the head gets two. An enziguri hits Grimsley and a Falcon Arrow gives Savoi two of his own.

Jameson shouts for a tag, even giving Savoi some directions to get to the corner. It’s better than most places you try to get to. The tag goes through but the referee doesn’t see it for one of the classic tag tropes. Alex is right back in with the stomping and the suplex gets two. Like a true heel, Alex reaches Johnny’s hand over for a tag to taunt Jameson rather well. A bit too much trash talking (“Get up you Instagram w****!”) lets Johnny get in a right hand but Alex knocks him right back down.

Alex even yells at the referee in the corner but the power of rhythmic clapping starts Johnny’s comeback. An enziguri drops Alex but Grimsley is back in to knock Jack off the apron just in time. Another enziguri is enough for the hot tag to Jameson and house is cleaned in a hurry. Alex offers a quick low bridge though and it’s Jameson in trouble again. They must have a thing against face comebacks.

Jameson slugs away at Alex until it’s a quick tag off to Grimsley. Savoi low bridges Alex to the floor though and Jameson small packages Grimsley to retain out of nowhere at 12:10. The announcer isn’t sure if that means new champions or the champions retain but Savoi came in with a belt so we’ll say retaining.

Rating: C+. This was more like it as the company seems to be better at tag matches than singles. They told a story here with Savoi needing help and Jameson coming to his rescue, though the very sudden ending wasn’t the best thing they could have done. I’ve seen Grimsley before and he can do more than he did here. Alex was good at cutting off the ring and yelling here and he made me want to see the champs make a comeback. Rather nice match here, at least on a sliding scale.

Post match Alex yells at Grimsley for spending too much time painting his face and the brawl is on. Cue Ramos and Thomas to beat Grimsley down though and a lot of screaming ensues. Alex calls Grimsley selfish and lays him out with a quiet right hand. Grimsley is OFFICIALLY uninvited.

The trio leaves and Grimsley grabs the mic, saying that Alex isn’t Han Solo so he isn’t shooting first. He compares Thomas to Chewbacca and LJ to “Little Jar Jar” and the fans aren’t impressed. Grimsley started the Uninvited and promises to succeed without them. Where was Alex while Grimsley was fighting 2 Cold Scorpio and Adam Cole? Next month he wants Alex in a Loser Leaves Town match with the loser being permanently UNINVITED. The Star Wars stuff was horrible but he picked it up at the end.

Chairizona State Title: Ray Basura vs. Zicky Dice

Basura is defending and has an entourage including two masked men. He also wears a crown and looks like he’s the king of trash (which is what Rey Basura would mean in Spanish) so it’s certainly a unique gimmick. Zicky on the other hand is introduced as the Best Midcard Wrestler In The World. Indeed Basura is billed as the Trash King and I’m oddly fascinated by this guy. He’s even covered in dirt and mud for a nice bonus.

Basura gives him a chance to bow instead of fight but Dice invites him to his crotch. The forearms to Dice’s head start things off as the bespectacled (awesome word) referee can’t handle the stench from Basura. Dice pulls…..some tape out of his mouth? I think? Either way he knocks Basura outside and flip dives onto everyone. They fight up the merch area with Basura slamming him on the floor but Dice gets in a trashcan shot. Shouldn’t that make Basura feel better?

The trashcan goes over Basura’s head and gets hit with a chair as a fan shouts that this is No DQ. I mean, maybe that comes with the CHAIRizona part of the title but they might want to clarify things. Back in and Basura chokes on the ropes and hits some alternating back elbows in the corner. A missed charge lets Zicky get two off a German suplex but Basura gives him a slingshot wheelbarrow suplex for two of his own.

Dice is right back with a bridging northern lights suplex for two more. I never would have guessed that the King of Trash vs. a guy named Zicky Dice would turn into an exchange of suplexes but wrestling can surprise you that way. A powerslam gives Basura another two but he gets caught on top for a superplex.

The minions come in so Dice deals with them in a hurry, sending Basura into the corner to crush them. A triple Cannonball gets two on Basura but he rakes the eyes to slow Dice down. Basura’s chokeslam is broken up (Fan: “YOU AIN’T UNDERTAKER!”) and Zicky plants him for two. Zicky heads up top but gets shoved off by a minion, allowing Basura to hit White Noise to retain at 10:17.

Rating: C-. The gimmicks helped this a lot as Basura is a heck of a unique character and Dice has enough charisma to carry up the fact that he’s overweight and has a rather terrible look. That’s the kind of thing I love to get from a promotion like this as where else can you find a guy named TRASH KING? There’s something cool about that and it’s kind of awesome to see.

Post match the minions crown Basura again.

Mikey vs. Effy vs. Suede Thompson

Dang it with the multi person matches. Mikey runs around the ring and dives into some fans’ arms during his entrance. The fans seem split between Mikey and Suede (who I think I’ve seen before) here and it takes some time to get to the bell. Mikey bails to the floor to get a kiss on the cheek from a fan so Suede goes outside to get one of his own.

Effy goes outside to get is own, but instead pulls a dollar out of his trunks and tells the woman to go get him a Diet Coke. She puts the dollar back in the trunks but Suede shouts that we’re starting. Hold on again though as Suede goes outside and steals a fan’s Smoking Skull Title. That’s going to be on the line and the referee even holds it up….so we can have a second bell. There was no contact in the first three minutes so why not.

Smoking Skull Title: Mikey vs. Effy vs. Suede Thompson

The title is vacant coming in….I guess? It’s a three way test of strength to start, which is the first contact between any of them. That’s broken up and Suede kisses Effy to freak him out. Suede: “Is there a problem?” Mikey and Effy kick him in the ribs and tell him that they respect kisses before kissing him on the cheek. It’s a triple knockdown but none of them can do a nip up, at least not without the referee’s help.

Effy demands that Mikey chop him as hard as he can so Mikey obliges as Suede chills on the floor. Mikey hammers away in the corner and offers a spank when Effy tries a headscissors out of the corner. The referee gets headscissored instead, with Effy’s crotch rubbing against his face for a long time. Suede is back in for the big exchange of rollups and a bunch of near falls. Then the referee gets rolled up for two, with Suede getting two and thinking he won for some reason.

We take an informal crowd poll to determine if it was two or three as this is going WAY too long. Mikey finally starts punching the two of them but misses a top rope splash which took a long time to set up. The fans keep calling Effy “daddy” as he suplexes Mikey for two. Suede is back up with a clothesline for each of them before putting Mikey on top for some back raking. The referee says you can’t do that and it turns into the Thriller Dance as he explains what can’t be done.

In the next convoluted spot, Mikey gets tied in the Tree of Woe with Effy pulling Suede from the floor, meaning their faces wind up in each others’ crotches. Effy’s belly to back gets two on Mikey and a Rough Ryder gets the same on Suede. Mikey goes up top with Effy in front of him, so Suede runs at the corner and climbs onto Effy’s back for a superplex.

It’s Effy back up with a Fameasser for two on Mikey and a reverse Fameasser out of the corner gets the same on Suede. Good grief just END THIS THING already! Suede hits a hanging piledriver on Effy but gets small packaged by Mikey for the pin at 11:00 (or 14:01 if you count the first part).

Rating: D-. This was the kind of match where they might as well have had a big sign over their heads that said COMEDY in bright letters. It was funny in small doses but it went on far too long and just wasn’t funny for the most part. You can do comedy in certain doses but “HAHA THAT LOOKED GAY” gets old in a hurry. It was comedy but not good comedy, which is often a really bad idea, like it was here.

Mikey poses with the skull title…and leaves with it. What a thief.

Party Hard Multiverse Title: Shane Marvel vs. Party Ranger

Marvel is defending and the Ranger is in a knockoff Power Ranger costume. Ranger tries to do a standing backflip during the Big Match Intros but Marvel jumps him from behind and the fight is on in a hurry. A dropkick puts Marvel on the floor and that means a big flip dive. Ranger hits a spinning kick to the head and they head back inside but Marvel rolls back outside to avoid a dive.

Therefore, Ranger flips over the top to take him down again as Marvel doesn’t seem too bright. Ranger has a bunch of fans clear out of their chairs so he can throw Marvel through them. Now that’s just being messy dude. A running shooting star off the balcony makes some glancing contact as the fans chant PARTY HARD. Back in and Marvel kicks the leg out, meaning the target is acquired.

That means some kicks to the leg and a leglock, with Marvel telling a fan to shut their f’ing mouth. Fan: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” The leg gets crushed on the ropes but Ranger uses the good leg to hit an enziguri. Marvel is right back up and starts tearing at Ranger’s gear (dude that’s probably not cheap), including the mask. A shinbreaker takes Ranger right back down for two and it’s more of the gear being ripped up. With the leg stuff played out, Marvel takes him up top for the superplex and a double knockdown. That one crash, the lesser of the two, shouldn’t get them this close to even.

The mask is torn as Ranger wins a slugout and hits a German suplex. A Pele connects and it’s an ax handle to give Ranger two. What looks to be a reverse fisherman’s buster, the Party Foul, doesn’t work as the knee gives out so Ranger hits him in the face instead. Marvel is back up with a running White Noise for two and a neckbreaker for some trash talking.

Ranger slips out of a curb stomp attempt and sends Marvel into the corner. A shooting star press takes WAY too long to set up (with Marvel nearly standing up before it even launches) and Marvel catches it in a cutter for two. The curb stomp gets the same and the yelling at the referee lets Ranger get his own two off a rollup. Marvel goes right back to the knee though and another curb stomp retains the title at 16:17.

Rating: C+. I got into this one a lot more than I was expecting to as Marvel is a bigger (taller, not overweight) guy and played well against the smaller Ranger. Marvel isn’t a great heel or anything but he played his role here and made the match work. The ripping up different parts of the costume was a change of pace too as everyone goes for the mask most of the time. Good match here and it felt like a bigger deal.

Post match Marvel takes the mask as a trophy. Marvel grabs the mic and tells us to come to the pancake breakfast tomorrow when he massacres someone else. He doesn’t like people who like pancakes so he’ll destroy Mikey tomorrow. That sounds like a train wreck.

We see some clips of the pancake breakfast and…..yeah I’m good.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a VERY indy show and you have to keep something like that in mind for such a show. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen or really close to it, but the lack of commentary and characters who only stand out at times made it a pretty long watch. The party aspect was rather light here too and the name didn’t do the show much good. This wasn’t a terrible show, but it’s nothing I’m going to want to come back to later.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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