Smackdown – September 3, 2019: Run That By Me Again
IMG Credit: WWE
Smackdown Date: September 3, 2019 Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
The King of the Ring rolls on with another two quarterfinal matches. Unlike Raw last night, hopefully that means we can get all the way down to two semifinalists instead of three because Smackdown might be smarter than that. Otherwise, it’s time for another level of pushing towards Clash of Champions, which is sneaking up on us. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Sasha Banks returning and Bayley turning on Becky Lynch to join her last night.
Here’s Bayley to open things up with her usual entrance, including the tube men. The fans are rather happy to see her after what she did. Bayley doesn’t understand what people expected because she gives her whole heart out there very time. She wants the fans to feel the way she did when she was a kid and she’s trying to show the younger fans what it means to be loyal. That’s why she had Sasha’s back last night when it got rough.
She’ll prove that when she beats the selfish Charlotte at Clash of Champions, so here’s Charlotte to interrupt. Charlotte admits to being selfish but what you see is what you get. There is no hugging so Bayley should hug the title goodbye. Cue Sasha so Charlotte decks Bayley before fighting Banks. Bayley comes in with the chair though and they both beat Charlotte down.
King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Elias vs. Ali
Elias says being the biggest acquisition in Smackdown history isn’t enough so he wants to be King. Ali starts fast with some early near falls and a spinwheel kick sends Elias outside. The suicide dive is blocked though and Elias tosses him with a release suplex on the floor. Ali gets sent face first into the barricade and then over the barricade as we take a break. Back with Ali sending Elias outside and the second suicide dive attempt connects. The landing bangs up Elias’ arm so Ali hits a 450 onto the arm in a smart move.
A headscissors into a Crossface continues the intelligence but Elias gets out in a hurry. Elias manages a sitout powerbomb for two before grabbing a Stretch Muffler on the leg, complete with some stomps to the head. Ali heads outside and has to superkick a diving Elias out of the air. Back in and Ali misses the 450 (slowed down because of the leg) and a knee to the leg makes it even worse. Drift Away finishes Ali at 11:27.
Rating: C+. This was a side of WWE that you don’t get often enough with Ali and Elias both showing some intelligence. Both guys switched up their offense to go with what made sense here instead of going with their usual stuff that didn’t make sense in the situation. You don’t get that very often and it was nice to see here. Well done indeed.
Elias plays some guitar while sitting on the throne.
Samoa Joe promises to become king and make everyone bend a knee.
Aleister Black takes off his tie and says if the mountain isn’t coming to him, he’s coming to the mountain. He’s going to the ring to see if anyone is man enough to pick a fight with him.
Fire & Desire vs. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross
Non-title and the result of an argument over who can take better photos. Cross gets caught in the wrong corner to start but manages to knock Deville out to the floor. A dropkick puts Mandy out there with her and a big dive from Cross sends us to a break. Back with Mandy shouting about how Cross will never look like her. That’s enough for Cross to fight over for the tag to Alexa and everything breaks down. Cross slips out of a double underhook from Mandy, leaving Bliss to DDT Deville. Twisted Bliss hits knees though and it’s back to Mandy for a High/Low and the pin at 6:56.
Rating: D+. Remember last night when I was praising WWE for not having their champions lose? It’s time for the comeback here as Bliss and Cross, who haven’t even been champions that long, get to lose here, likely to set up the rematch for Clash. You knew they were going to do something like that to set up a title match somewhere, because they just can’t help it.
Samoa Joe comes up to Chad Gable and makes short jokes about him, which he knows hurts Gable. That’s because Gable is weak mentally and there is no room for that in the kingdom.
Here’s Randy Orton to talk about how he caught Kofi Kingston last week. The best part was that sweet sound of Kofi’s head bouncing off the floor. For weeks now, Orton has destroyed the power of positivity and if you don’t believe him, here’s a highlight package of Orton taking out New Day. Orton wants to face Kofi right now so here’s Kofi…with the Revival beating him up. They get him into the ring so Orton can do his circle stomp, while calling Kofi stupid on every boot. Orton takes too long spelling out RKO and Kofi gets in a few shots but Revival takes him down again. The super RKO plants Kofi in another good segment.
Video on Erick Rowan being shown as helping in the attack on Roman Reigns. Rowan vs. Reigns is set for Clash of Champions.
King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Chad Gable vs. Andrade
Before the match, Zelina Vega says that she has nothing but respect for another vertically challenged superstar. She could see Gable winning the tournament if Andrade wasn’t in it, but he is so Gable has no chance. Gable wastes no time in wrestling Andrade down and a sunset flip out of the corner gets two. A monkey flip sends Andrade down but a second attempt is dumped to the floor as we take a break. Back with Gable getting two off a wrist clutch chickenwing suplex but Andrade’s Alberto double stomp gets the same.
Three Amigos, with an Eddie dance, are broken up and it’s Gable rolling some German suplexes. Andrade is right back with the third suplex but the double moonsault hits knees. Gable hits a great looking moonsault of his own for two and Rolling Chaos Theory connects….with Vega distracting the referee to break up a cover. That’s enough for Andrade to hit a rolling elbow to the face but the hammerlock DDT is countered into a rollup for the pin at 7:56 and a BIG reaction.
Rating: B. The crowd reactions were awesome here as the fans got into the story and wanted to see Chad, the underdog (you know, the former champion and Olympic wrestler), win here. That’s what they pulled off though and it was a really cool moment in the end. As a bonus, I’m not sure who wins next week as I can’t imagine either Elias or Gable actually going to the finals. There’s a good chance it’s still Baron Corbin winning but at least we have a possible surprise now.
Aleister Black vs. Shelton Benjamin
Open challenge from Black, who sits down to start and misses an early Black Mass attempt. A knee to the face sends Shelton outside instead but he gets in his own knee to rock Black. Back in and Black Mass finishes Benjamin at 1:53. Well that worked.
Drake Maverick and his wife hide in the boiler room and a bunch of people happen to be waiting for him. Bo Dallas manages to pin him for the title and the chase continues.
Here are Shinsuke Nakamura and Sami Zayn for a chat but Sami cuts the music so the fans can’t sing along. For now though, we’ll settle for this.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. ???
Non-title with Sami on a live mic at ringside. The kicks to the face have the unnamed jobber in trouble but he punches Nakamura in the corner. That earns him a bunch of knees to the ribs and kicks to the face, plus the running knee to the ribs. Kinshasa finishes at 1:14.
Post match the B Team runs into the ring with the title but here are the Singh Brothers and Kalisto. Drake Mavericks rolls Dallas up for the title…..but R-Truth is disguised as a guard next to the throne and wins the title for the fourteenth time.
Here’s Daniel Bryan to demand an apology from Roman Reigns. The fans rather approve of Bryan, who thinks it means they finally understand him. People think that Bryan is guilty by association but now we know he had nothing to do with it. Bryan has never lied to anyone and he hates liars of all kinds. Therefore he wants and gets Reigns out here but Erick Rowan jumps Reigns from behind. A powerbomb sends Reigns into the post and the claw slam makes it even worse.
Rowan grabs the mic and says Daniel had nothing to do with this. He yells at Bryan for thinking he can control Rowan and offers to fight Bryan right now. Come slap him again like he did last week. Bryan isn’t sure what to do so Rowan talks about being proud of what he did to attack Reigns, which included attacking him with the car. What makes him most proud though is the pain that Reigns is going to feel at Clash of Champions. Rowan throws him outside and hits him with the steps, drawing Bryan over to slap Rowan again. The claw slam puts Bryan through the table to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. I’m not sure what to think about this show. There wasn’t anything bad on it but with the show over, I can barely remember anything special about the whole thing. It just kind of came and went without much happening as the show is in a steady as it goes stretch. You can almost bet on that being the case for the next month, which makes the rest of September feel rather long. It was a pretty good show, but nothing that there was just nothing that stood out. I’ll take it over a bad and boring show though and that’s better than what we had over the summer.
Results
Elias b. Ali – Drift Away
Fire & Desire b. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross – High/Low to Bliss
Chad Gable b. Andrade – Sunset flip
Aleister Black b. Shelton Benjamin – Black Mass
Shinsuke Nakamura b. ??? – Kinshasa
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:
Smackdown Date: August 27, 2019 Location: Raising Cane’s River Center, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
The first round of the King of the Ring wraps up tonight and it’s getting pretty clear that Raw is the favored side. The talent pool just feels deeper over there as this show is going to include Shelton Benjamin getting a first round match. Maybe that would have been interesting fifteen years ago but it doesn’t quite work right now. Let’s get to it.
We open with the same video on Roman Reigns’ attacks that we saw last night.
Reigns promises a response to Daniel Bryan and Erick Rowan in the ring tonight.
Here’s Kofi Kingston for a chat, but first we see a video on Randy Orton’s attacks since Summerslam. Kofi has heard Orton calling him stupid but who got knocked out last week? Now Orton is trying to turn this personal and he’s bringing in the Revival to help him out. That means Orton is seeing the look when you mess with Kofi’s family so Kofi is ready for Clash Of Champions. Kofi starts the hip thrusts but Orton appears on screen to say STUPID over and over.
Earlier today, Orton was in his hotel room when someone knocked on his door and slid a letter underneath. Normally he doesn’t reply to fan mail but this one was different. It says that Orton is hurting Kofi and he needs to stop hurting him every night. Kofi isn’t just his hero because Kofi is his daddy. It’s from Kofi’s son Kai, and Orton realized that he is staying in the same hotel as Kofi’s family. Maybe he should pay them a visit. Kofi charges to the back and the fight is on in the gorilla position, with Kofi getting hit with the hanging DDT onto the concrete. Kofi is out cold and medics are requested. That was certainly a great THUD.
Post break, Big E. assures us that Kofi will be ready for Clash of Champions but after his match with Orton tonight, Randy might not be.
Recap of the first round of the King of the Ring.
King of the Ring First Round: Ali vs. Buddy Murphy
The winner gets Elias next week. Ali starts fast with a running hurricanrana to put Murphy on the floor. The running flip dive doesn’t work as Murphy catches him with a running knee to the face and we take an early break. Back with Ali catapulting him chest first into the corner and hitting a pop up dropkick to put Murphy on the floor again.
Murphy is right back with a shot of his own and that means the big running flip dive, which is quite the landing given Murphy’s size. Back in and Ali ducks the top rope Meteora, setting up the reverse hurricanrana for a close two. Murphy comes back with another knee to the face and a brainbuster for two of his own. The fans deem this awesome as the slugout is on, including Ali’s spinwheel kick. A tornado DDT from the apron back inside plants Murphy and Ali’s 450 is good for the pin at 9:09.
Rating: B. I can see why these two are the choice for the dark match so often. They beat the heck out of each other and it’s easy to cheer for either of them. That being said, it’s probably not a good sign for Murphy’s future if he’s losing clean in the first round of the tournament. Being able to have that kind of a match will keep him around for a long time though and he should be fine, albeit maybe not as fine as he looked last week.
They do the big respectful handshake.
Ember Moon comes up to Bayley, who seems to be worried about Charlotte. Moon doesn’t want to talk about Summerslam but also doesn’t want to hear about Charlotte being the face of the division. It’s all about bringing everyone up, so here’s Lacey Evans to say Bayley is bringing the title down. Egads it’s like the return of the summer. Bayley against Evans tonight.
Here’s the Miz to address Shinsuke Nakamura and Sami Zayn attacking him last week. Nakamura is a champion and Sami is a hanger on who couldn’t make it in the ring himself. Nakamura may be the King of Strong Styles but Miz is the man who made the Intercontinental Title relevant and he can do it again. The challenge is made for Clash of Champions but here’s a laughing Sami to interrupt. Sami says Miz still doesn’t get it because he has liberated Nakamura.
Instead of the King of Strong Style, Miz is the King of Soft Style. Miz throws out the challenge to face Sami right now but that’s a no. Miz goes after Sami but Nakamura jumps him from behind as Sami talks about how awesome the artistry is. Kinshasa against the LED board leaves Miz laying. Sami: “AHAHAHAHA!” They get inside with Sami talking about Miz’s lack of respect for artistry, setting up another Kinshasa.
Kevin Owens comes in to see Shane McMahon but finds Elias playing the guitar instead. There is no Shane tonight (yet his roving office was set up) so Owens leaves.
Bayley vs. Lacey Evans
Non-title. Lacey takes her time removing the glove but her cheap shot is blocked. An armbar doesn’t work very well for Bayley as Lacey slams her way out of it and kicks away in the corner. They head outside with Bayley hitting a running clothesline but here’s Charlotte for a distraction.
Back from a break with Bayley hitting a middle rope crossbody but getting caught in….a layout DDT I think? Lacey slams the arm onto the apron and the slingshot Bronco Buster gets two. A dropkick to the back gives Bayley a breather and some clotheslines have Lacey rocked. An Indian Deathlock of all things has Lacey….in the rope about two seconds later.
Lacey knocks her down again and hits a good looking spinning moonsault for two. Charlotte is NOT impressed as Bayley goes outside and manages a suplex off the barricade. Back in and Bayley gets more aggressive, including a knee to the head. The Bayley to Belly gets two so Bayley hits it again and drops the top rope elbow for the pin at 14:28.
Rating: C+. They had some time here and the match was entertaining enough but they still can’t get out of Charlotte’s shadow. Even if Bayley retains the title at Clash of Champions, how long before Charlotte gets a rematch and wins the title again anyway? They don’t have anything else for her to do though and this is about as good as they’re going to do.
Daniel Bryan and Erick Rowan aren’t leaving until they get an apology from Reigns.
Randy Orton vs. Big E.
Big E. isn’t playing and knocks Orton outside early on. Orton is thrown into various things, including over the barricade. Back in and Big E. does the spanking abdominal stretch, which isn’t exactly playing into the angry theme. Some hard running clotheslines keep Orton down as it’s completely one sided so far. Big E. misses the apron splash though, with his face bouncing off the apron in a nasty landing.
Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table and we take a break. Back with Big E. dropping him onto the table to even things up and it’s time for the belly to belly suplexes. Cue the Revival for a distraction and cheap shot from the floor, setting up the RKO to give Orton the pin at 8:43.
Rating: C. One of these days, WWE is going to open their eyes and see what they have in Big E. and strap a rocket to his back. Or at least they should, because there is almost nothing that he can’t do. The idea here was to have Orton continue to take out the New Day and while the idea of “Kofi can’t do it by himself” is played out, at least they’re actually doing something about it to set things up. If nothing else, the Revival should get the titles out of it.
Post match Orton and the Revival hit the super RKO.
Chad Gable is ready for his King of the Ring match when Shelton Benjamin comes up. Shelton can’t see him because he’s short.
We look at the weekend’s 24/7 Title shenanigans.
Elias is sitting on the throne and says none of the previous winners will be able to wear the crown like he can. But what would a bunch of Louisiana people understand about that? Cue Owens to jump Elias and hit the Stunner in the ring. Cue R-Truth to steal the title but Drake Maverick breaks it up and gets the title for himself.
King of the Ring First Round: Shelton Benjamin vs. Chad Gable
The winner gets Andrade next week. Shelton hits a spinebuster for a very early two and whips him hard into the corner for the same. One too many short jokes wakes Gable up though and he hits a running flip neckbreaker. A scary looking German suplex drops Shelton on his head but he’s right back up with a hard clothesline. Gable knocks him off the top but misses the moonsault, allowing Shelton to knee him in the face. Shelton’s powerbomb is countered into a very fast sunset flip for the pin at 3:43.
Rating: B-. That was a heck of a sub four minute match as they were hitting each other rather hard and packed a bunch into so little time. I was surprised that it was such a short match as it felt like something that would have needed twice as long. If nothing else, maybe we don’t have to listen to the short jokes anymore because that’s about as bad as you can get.
Here’s Roman Reigns for the apology to Bryan and Rowan. The two of them appear on screen with Bryan demanding his apology. We see a video of the forklift attack and Rowan is shown pushing some of the crates onto Roman. Bryan slaps him in the face, shouting about how he hates liars. With Rowan gone, Bryan comes to the ring and says he trusted Rowan for almost the last year and now he has been betrayed. Bryan comes to the ring and says he didn’t know what happened but it’s a spear to put him down to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. This was a heck of a show with storyline developments and nothing bad throughout the show. What mattered here was getting things ready for Clash of Champions while also moving things forward in various places, including the main event and King of the Ring. I had a really good time with this show and it flew by for a nice plus. Very good show and easily the best of the Bischoff Era so far.
Results
Ali b. Buddy Murphy – 450
Bayley b. Lacey Evans – Top rope elbow
Randy Orton b. Big E. – RKO
Chad Gable b. Shelton Benjamin – Sunset flip
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:
Survivor Series Count-Up – 2014: I Still Can’t Believe It
Survivor Series 2014 Date: November 23, 2014
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
Now this is going to be an interesting one as the whole show is built around one match and that one match’s big surprise. Last year they made no secret about the show being entirely built around one single match, which wound up making the way to make the whole thing work. That one match is Team Cena vs. Team Authority for Cena and company’s jobs vs. the Authority having power. The jobs were thrown in at the last minute to really hammer home who was going to win but that’s not always the worst thing. Let’s get to it.
Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel
This is the NEW AND IMPROVED Fandango, meaning he has Rosa Mendes and now wears a white shirt. We’re ready to go after the dance sequence that kills even more time. They slowly punch each other to start with Gabriel, who has skeleton tights for no apparent reason (JBL: “The leftovers from Giant Gonzalez.”), getting knocked to the floor.
Back in and Justin breaks out of a chinlock and gets two off a springboard kick to the face. For someone who flies around as much as Gabriel, the fans are almost totally silent. A suplex slam (as in a suplex where Fandango never left his feet) takes Gabriel down and the guillotine legdrop is good enough to put Justin away at 3:10.
Rating: D-. You know how Fandango still hasn’t done anything since his “rebirth” here? After this match it really surprises me that he still has a job as this was so horribly boring. Naturally they did the same match again the next night on Raw because maybe they just didn’t get the point across here. Really boring match.
Pre-Show: Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger
The battle of the former Real Americans. On the way to the ring, Cesaro talks about the history of Swiss neutrality before picking Team Authority. He proclaims his allegiance in various languages (which is NOTHING that could ever be capitalized in around the world) until Swagger and Colter come in to pick Team Cena. Swagger gets a quick rollup for two to start, earning himself a gutwrench suplex.
The Patriot Lock has Cesaro in early trouble but he’s still able to throw Swagger down with a German suplex. More suplexes set up a chinlock. Back up and Swagger grabs a German of his own, followed by a chop block to stay on the leg. The Vader Bomb is blocked but Swagger grabs the Patriot Lock. That goes nowhere and more Germans are rolled, only to have Swagger counter into the Patriot Lock again for the submission at 5:23.
Rating: C-. They crammed a lot of suplexes into just five minutes. This also shows you how much better a match can be if you have interesting people in there. Swagger isn’t the best in the world but there’s at least a reason to care about him and more than one note to his character. I’ll take Cesaro being all serious and speaking different languages over HE’S A DANCER IN A WHITE SHIRT any day.
The opening video recaps the main event, which was set up on Vince’s whim. That’s the problem with so much of what the Authority does: whatever happens can be changed by either the two of them or Vince because they’re the ultimate powers. No matter how the story goes, someone with power can come in and change anything at the drop of a hat. Why hasn’t Vince come back and changed something else on a whim? Eh no real reason other than the plot hasn’t called for it. That’s really bad writing.
Here’s Vince to open things up with talking. Vince talks (see, I told you that’s what he was going to do) about how epic this is really going to be and brings out the Authority because we haven’t heard from them in the first five minutes. The sucking up begins immediately but Vince cuts them off to bring out Cena.
Vince recaps the main event as we’re just burning through pay per view time here. Cena asks if the Authority will leave on their own accord if they lose tonight. HHH says that Cena is going to have a bad holiday because four men’s responsibilities will be on his head after tonight. Those four men are going to be forgotten about because they’re the ones with everything to lose. Cena will keep his job because he’s such a big star, but he’ll have that on his head forever.
Stephanie suggests that someone on Team Cena will turn on him because they have to think of themselves. She says the Authority will still have their jobs at headquarters and run things from afar, but Vince says not so fast. They’ll still have desk jobs and be in charge of different departments but they’ll have no authority on screen.
One more thing: if the Authority does lose tonight, only Cena can bring them back. That’s the moment where they gave away the ending and everyone knew the Authority would be back by the end of the year at the latest. Stephanie goes into full STEPHANIE IS SHOUTING mode but Cena says the Authority will lose tonight.
So to recap the recap (which took us to fifteen minutes into the show): the Authority will still have jobs and huge salaries but they just don’t have to deal with the headaches of running the show. On top of that, Cena can bring them back because FOREVER means until Cena says otherwise. This is all stuff that could have been done on Raw but why not waste pay per view time on it. I know their line is “But it’s a free month on the Network!” That’s not an excuse to do something stupid like this as it’s a really bad way to get the show going when this could have been done in five minutes on any given TV show.
Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Los Matadores vs. Goldust/Stardust
Goldust and Stardust (villains here) are defending and Mizdow is one of the most popular guys on the roster because of how hard he’s been working with the stunt double character. Diego and Stardust start things off as Cole reads Stardust’s latest riddle. A quick rollup gets two on Stardust before it’s off to Miz who is stopped by OLE! Mizdow does his stunt double stuff on the floor as JBL talks about Papa Shango putting a curse on Mizdow years ago. This isn’t a rousing start to the commentary tonight.
Miz won’t tag out, again missing the point of having a stunt double. Jey comes in to chop Diego but Goldust tags himself in and chinlocks the Samoan. The fans continue to want Mizdow but Stardust waves them off and uppercuts Jey instead. This time it’s Miz tagging himself in but Fernando tags Jey and flips off the top and onto Miz.
It’s FINALLY off to Mizdow, only to have Goldust tag himself in ten seconds later to bring the crowd back to silence. Lawler brings up a great point: if Mizdow comes in and Miz is on the apron, shouldn’t Mizdow just stand there? Stardust comes in and stomps Fernando before cranking on both arms to slow things down a bit. Goldust stomps Fernando on the floor (brothers think alike) and we hit the chinlock. Things stay slow as we hear about Grumpy Cat appearing on Raw. I had been trying to forget that guys.
Stardust loads up what looks like a Tombstone but Fernando spins out into a tornado DDT (good one too) and it’s off to Jimmy. Now we pick things up a bit with the Usos cleaning house with Umaga attacks and superkicks (and a shaking camera, which has happened multiple times tonight). Goldust powerslams Jimmy down for two but the double Uso dive takes down a few people.
There’s the Falling Star from Stardust, giving us this brilliant exchange: Cole: “That’s the Falling Star!” “JBL: “I have no idea what that is!” Cole: “It’s the Falling Star!” JBL: “I know!” Torito gets thrown onto the pile and Diego does the same. Back in and a quadruple Tower of Doom takes down Los Matadores and the champs, allowing Mizdow to tag himself in and pin Goldust for the titles at 15:25.
Rating: C. This was a big longer than it needed to be but the payoff was exactly what it needed to be. There was no reason to wait any longer on giving Mizdow something and this opens the door for some new possibilities in the story. The match was fun but they could have cut out a few minutes to make it flow better. It’s fun enough though (annoying commentary aside) and a good way to open the show, after the long talking of course.
Miz takes both titles and Mizdow keeps posing.
Larry the Cable Guy is guest hosting Raw. As usual, WWE is about ten years behind the pop culture times.
Vince will be on the Steve Austin Show. Now that could be entertaining and it kind of was if I remember correctly.
Adam Rose and the Bunny do a toy commercial until Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil come in to set up a match for later. Fans: “NO! NO! NO!” Is it bad that I miss the Bunny and wanted to see more of him?
Team Paige vs. Team Team Fox
Paige, Cameron, Summer Rae, Layla
Alicia Fox, Natalya, Emma, Naomi
Natalya is accompanied by Tyson Kidd, who clearly doesn’t care in a great short run character. Paige and Natalya start things off on the mat and we hit the King’s Court reference which turns into a discussion of Lawler having a foursome. Paige is sent to the floor for a quick spank from Natalya (because of course) before it’s off to Layla vs. Emma, neither of whom are still on the main roster. Lawler: “Emma could trip over cordless phones.” That’s not very hard to do King.
It’s back to Paige for a headbutt and THIS IS MY HOUSE. How can she afford this many houses? Cameron comes in to break up a tag attempt and this could go badly. The fans want Mizdow again and good grief it’s the Daniel Bryan story all over again. You just had him for fifteen minutes when he won a title. Be happy with what you got and shut up already. Emma rolls over and tags Naomi for the big showdown that no one wanted to see. Naomi runs through Cameron and a bad looking wheelbarrow Stunner gets two.
Everything breaks down and Cameron does an awful bulldog, allowing Naomi to roll her up for the elimination at 6:12. Summer kicks Naomi down to take over, only to miss a splash. Fox comes in as the announcers ignore the match to talk about old Survivor Series teams. The heels bail so Fox tries to get a CHICKEN chant started. It’s off to Layla for her bouncy cross body but a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gives Alicia the elimination at 9:29.
Summer comes in and misses a charge, allowing Natalya to dropkick her down. It’s off to Paige who takes over, only to have Summer do Paige’s scream and get decked as a result. Emma comes in for the Dilemma, a forearm to Paige on the apron and the Emma Lock for the submission on Summer at 12:04. So Paige is all alone and starts with Emma, who quickly faceplants her down. Natalya eats a superkick so it’s off to Naomi for the Rear View and the headscissors DDT for the final pin at 14:16.
Rating: D-. Oh sweet goodness the Divas Revolution needed to happen soon. This match felt like it was going on forever with almost none of them looking like they should have been out there this long. Between “CHICKEN! CHICKEN!” and Layla’s face offense under the guise of a heel and Cameron being the disaster that only she can be, this was horrible with Paige and Natalya not being able to hold it together.
Kidd, who didn’t do a thing all match, celebrates more than anyone else in a great touch. That’s the highlight of the last fifteen minutes.
We recap the pre-show, which also included the return of Bad News Barrett. As usual, Cesaro gets left out. The best part: Renee Young with long hair. I had forgotten about that and it says a lot that she’s just as beautiful with her hair hacked off.
The panel talks for a bit.
We recap Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose, which started when Wyatt targeted Ambrose in October for whatever reason Bray picks his next target. There was something about Dean’s dad being in prison but it was never really explained. Ambrose said he didn’t care why Wyatt did it anyway so it didn’t really matter. Tonight is the first match.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt
They slug it out to start (shocking) before heading outside (even more shocking) where Dean takes over with some clotheslines. Back in and Bray runs Dean over before knocking a dive out of the air with a right hand. I can never get used to Bray’s blood red tattoos as they always fool me. We hit a seated full nelson on Dean (always nice to see them mix up the rest holds) before he fights up for a double cross body.
They go outside for the third time for a double clothesline and both guys are down again. Back in and Dean takes over before doing Bray’s lean upside down out of the corner in a nice touch. Dean ties him in the ropes and kisses Bray on the head before a dropkick and legdrop get two. Bray counters the Rebound Lariat into a release Rock Bottom for two as this match really hasn’t taken off yet.
The middle rope backsplash misses because it would have killed Dean and the top rope elbow gets two for Ambrose. Back up and Bray EXPLODES with a clothesline and he makes it even worse with another Rock Bottom onto the steps. That’s only good for two so Bray grabs a mic and says they could have ruled the world together. Dean has chosen his path though so Bray grabs a chair and drops to his knees like he did with Cena at Wrestlemania. Dean isn’t Cena though and he hits Bray with the chair for the DQ at 14:00.
Rating: C+. Much like the Cena match at Wrestlemania, this felt a lot more like it was designed to set up something else (which it was) instead of being a big showdown. Bray’s babbling gets to the point where you stop caring what he’s talking about and that doesn’t make for the most interesting matches. No matter how you look at it, the whole thing always feels like you’re waiting on the next big thing, which gets repetitive in a hurry. It’s still a fun brawl though and got going after the first few minutes.
Post match Dean lays Bray out and elbows him through a table. That’s not enough for him as he buries Bray under another table and a pile of chairs. That’s only T and C though so why not pull out a ladder? Dean climbs the ladder but is all like “this is the free month so you have to pay to see me dive off.” Referees won’t let him shove the ladder onto the pile either.
The Authority gives their team a long pep talk, including Stephanie crying at the thought of only having a huge salary and working in an office. This is one of the problems of having such a big main event: there’s so much time to fill which certainly couldn’t have been filled with another Survivor Series match. This talk eats up WAY too much time and is summed up as “we’re betting everything we have tonight so win or else.”
Adam Rose/The Bunny vs. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil
Slater and the Bunny get things going but Rose tags himself in quickly. Heath gets him on the mat before it’s off to Titus for some forearms to the back. Rose dives over and makes the tag. Lawler: “Maybe we should explain why there’s a bunny in the ring.” Cole: “Well it’s actually a man in a bunny suit.” Good grief just start speaking gibberish to us since they clearly think we’re that stupid. The Bunny pins Slater off a middle rope dropkick.
The Rosebuds leave with the Bunny.
More commercials. Counting the opener, the pep talk and all these commercials, there’s probably been seventeen minutes wasted, or about the same amount of time spent on a quick Survivor Series match.
The injured Roman Reigns has a satellite interview where he talks about wanting to be here punching people. We’ll make it nineteen minutes of filler. Reigns will be back in a month.
Team Cena says they’re ready.
Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee
AJ is defending and Nikki has Brie as her unwilling assistant. After the big match intros and Brie gets on the apron for a distraction, followed by kissing AJ (and launching a thousand fanfics). The Rack Attack gives us a new champion at 38 seconds in the Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus finish. Allegedly this was the way the match was going the entire time and it wasn’t cut down, making me shake my head even more.
Of course the sisters are back together with an eventual explanation of “we’re sisters.”
Ambrose vs. Wyatt is announced for TLC in the namesake match.
We recap the main event. The Authority is all corrupt so Vince came in and said let’s put their power up against Team Cena. John put together a team of the few people who would fight with him so the Authority made them as miserable as they could. It’s a simple story but they’ve made this feel like a legitimately huge match.
Team Cena vs. Team Authority
John Cena, Big Show, Ryback, Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan
Seth Rollins, Kane, Rusev, Mark Henry, Luke Harper
Cena’s partners’ jobs vs. the Authority’s authority. Harper is Intercontinental Champion and Rusev is the undefeated US Champion. The eleven entrances eat up even more time but in a good way this time. They’ve done a really good job at making this feel like a big deal and it’s working well here. Henry and Show start but HHH has to get in one last pep talk, allowing Show to knock him out for the elimination at 50 seconds.
It’s Rollins in next but Show chops him down to the floor. Kane comes in but Show drags him into the corner for the tag off to Cena, who pounds on Kane even more. Now we get a showdown that the fans find bigger than it probably is with Rowan vs. Harper. This was during that short period where Rowan was a genius, which has been completely forgotten since. Rollins tags himself back in before anything can happen and is immediately caught in the wrong corner.
Ryback comes in to join in on the fun but Rollins tags out to Harper. That’s fine with Ryback as he grabs a vertical suplex, only to get punched in the face by Kane. The big bald is beaten down as well so we’ll try Rusev. A spinebuster ends the slugout but Shell Shock is broken up. Everything breaks down and it’s a Curb Stomp from Rollins and the jumping superkick from Rusev to eliminate Ryback and tie us up.
Show comes back in but Rusev escapes a quick chokeslam attempt and brings in Harper. A dropkick of all things puts Show down and it’s back to Kane for some stomping. Kane follows Harper’s suit with a (basement) dropkick, followed by the Gator Roll (he’s stopped using that) from Harper. Show throws Harper away too so it’s off to Ziggler, who Harper beat (through some shenanigans) to win the title.
The heels start taking over on Ziggler with Kane’s sidewalk slam getting two. A comeback is stopped by a boot to the face and it’s off to Rusev for some knees to the ribs. Ziggler tries to punch Rollins in the face but gets caught in a downward spiral into the corner. We hit the chinlock for a bit before the running DDT plants Rusev. Everything breaks down again and we hit the parade of finishers (always a favorite).
Rollins is thrown onto a pile but Rusev throws Ziggler onto that pile. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Rusev misses Ziggler and splashes through the table instead, leading to a countout at 21:02 to make it 4-3. Cole: “COUNTOUTS ARE A FACTOR! COUNTOUTS ARE A FACTOR! COME ON DOLPH! COME ON DOLPH! ZIGGLER’S IN! ZIGGLER’S IN! RUSEV IS OUT! RUSEV IS OUT!” Get the parrot a cracker and shut him up already.
Back in and the exhausted Ziggler tags Cena for a quick AA to Kane. Rollins makes the save with a Curb Stomp and everyone is down. A double tag brings in Harper and Rowan with Erick cleaning house. Kane’s chokeslam is broken up but the springboard knee from Rollins sets up Harper’s discus lariat to put Rowan out at 24:14. So it’s Show/Cena/Ziggler vs. Rollins/Kane/Harper and we get a big six man staredown….until Show KO’s Cena, turning heel again to fill his quota for the year. Rollins steals the pin to eliminate Cena at 25:11. Now THAT is a shock.
Show stares down at the Authority and then walks out at 26:30, leaving Ziggler down 3-1. Ziggler can barely stand after the long beating he took but it’s now the Shawn formula in 2005. The fans want Orton (who was put out by Rollins a few weeks ago but why have the hometown boy here to make the save when you can have him on a movie set instead? To make it worse, Stephanie chants “OH YEAH! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!” in what was supposed to be cheerleading.
Kane throws Ziggler into the barricade and Rollins drags him over to the corner for some tags to the eliminated partners. Kane’s superplex is broken up though and a quick superkick and Zig Zag make it 2-1 at 29:35. Harper is right in though and kicks Ziggler’s head off to send him outside, followed by a nice suicide shove. A great sounding superkick gets two on Ziggler and the sitout powerbomb amazingly only gets the same. Ziggler somehow grabs a rollup (and jeans) for a fast elimination at 31:35, leaving us one on one.
Dolph can barely stand but he still grabs a DDT for two. Rollins has way more gas though and hammers Ziggler down, only to miss a top rope knee. The Fameasser gets two out of nowhere as HHH and Stephanie are losing their minds on the outside. Noble and Mercury are dispatched and the Zig Zag connects but HHH pulls the referee out at two.
The J’s are dispatched again and Stephanie is knocked off the apron (onto HHH of course because Heaven forbid she not have a soft landing). Another Curb Stomp misses and there’s a second Zig Zag for two with HHH breaking up the pin one more time. HHH beats on Ziggler for a bit and hits a Pedigree…..and there’s a crow.
In one of the biggest surprises of all time, STING makes his WWE debut (with JBL listing off his resume to make sure you know this was planned in advance) and HHH is in shock. Sting decks HHH’s crooked referee and does the big staredown with HHH, setting up the Death Drop (sold really well too). Sting pulls Ziggler on top of Rollins (who hasn’t moved in over six minutes) for the final pin at 44:07.
Rating: A. I liked this even better knowing what was coming. They did a really good job of setting up the story here as both teams were in enough trouble at different points to keep it interesting with the Cena elimination being the biggest of them all. I was genuinely surprised when that happened and it holds up well enough as a moment today. The near falls near the end were great as well, making this a really great match. This should have been a total star making performance for Ziggler but since WWE is in charge, it was pretty much forgotten in about a month.
HHH looks like reality sets in while Stephanie shows her horrible acting skills one more time. For once I’m fine with the focus being on them but good grief that screeching is killing it. On top of that, everyone knew they would be back sooner than later and it didn’t even last a month.
Overall Rating: B-. This is the definition of a one match show and thankfully that one match delivered because the rest of this show was pretty horrible. Everything from the end of Ambrose vs. Wyatt to the start of the main event was a waste of time or boring, as was so often the case in WWE at this point. The main event bails the show out, but that’s the ONLY thing worth watching on here.
Ratings Comparison
Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel
Original: D
2015 Redo: D-
Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger
Original: C-
2015 Redo: C-
Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Goldust/Stardust vs. Los Matadores
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Smackdown Date: August 9, 2016
Location: Rabobank Arena, Bakersfield, California
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga
Summerslam is coming up but tonight is going to be another light show as a bunch of the roster is off on a tour of Australia. Tonight is again going to be focused on Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler and their upcoming WWE World Title match, though there’s the chance that the Wyatts will be involved as well. Let’s get to it.
Randy Orton is ready to kill Brock Lesnar’s legend because all it takes is one RKO to get to Viperville. Alberto Del Rio comes up and says that sounds like Disneyland so Orton offers to give him a VIP tour.
Opening sequence.
Here are Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan to open the show. Last week Bray did NOT fall to Dolph Ziggler because he was a victim. Ziggler was desperate and in that desperation came a ram into the turnbuckle because it was the only way. You can’t defeat Bray Wyatt because he is everywhere. There is no red or blue because this is him against the world.
Cue Dean Ambrose to say this is a new era because Bray is talking about how he’s a victim. That sounds like a baby instead of an eater of worlds. Bray invites him into the ring but Dean is smarter than that. This brings out Ziggler who charges into the ring on his own with Dean coming in a few seconds later. Rowan is sent outside but Dolph superkicks Dean by accident, only to eat Sister Abigail.
Post break, Ambrose yells at Ziggler until the bosses come up and make the tag match. As usual I can only wonder why we need both Bryan and Shane for this segment. One of them accomplishes the same as two but we get both of them anyway.
American Alpha vs. Mike Vega/Mikey O’Shea
Before the match, Ascension, the Vaudevillains and the Hype Bros come out to watch. Alpha starts on Vega’s leg, followed by the double dropkick and the Grand Amplitude for the pin at 1:11.
All four teams brawl post match with Alpha cleaning house. As they brawl, the announcers talk about the upcoming Smackdown Tag Team Titles.
Miz and Maryse are at Renee Young’s interview desk and nearly crawl over her as she sends us to a video package on Miz’s #1 contender Apollo Crews. Back with Miz and Maryse laying on the table with Miz calling his wife a modern day Aphrodite. That’s enough for Renee as she throws it back to the arena.
Becky Lynch vs. Eva Marie
Eva gets her big over the top entrance and breaks her top on the way off the turnbuckle so again no match.
Post match Becky vents some frustration and issues an open challenge.
Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss
Joined in progress with Bliss in control for a bit until Becky makes a comeback with a clothesline and the Bexploder. Now here’s Eva Marie with the big voiceover doing the full entrance again, allowing Bliss to hit a choke shove and Twisted Bliss for the pin at 2:32. Bliss was fine here but I’m not wild on the Divas being more sexualized again. They did just fine and got better than ever without it but now we seem to be seeing it again.
Post match Eva calls this a shame but she’ll make her debut next week.
Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio
The fans chant RKO to start and Orton takes over with some right hands in the corner. Del Rio comes back with a knee to the ribs and then stands there for a second, allowing Orton to snap him back first across the ropes. Back from a break with Orton going shoulder first into the steps and Del Rio working on an armbar.
Alberto gets the armbreaker across the top rope for a few seconds but gets crotched on top for taking too long. That means the superplex but Orton has to escape an armbreaker attempt. The elevated DDT doesn’t set up the RKO as Orton takes it outside and loads up the announcers’ table instead. That takes too long as well though and Del Rio hits him in the arm with a chair for the DQ at 12:20.
Rating: C-. Would anyone notice if Del Rio was traded for a red wagon and a box of Ding Dongs? His entire character can be summed up as “Mexican heel who attacks arms” and that’s not enough to carry my interest. I’m also not sure why they didn’t have Orton get the clean pin here as it’s not like Del Rio needs protecting. Then again they’ll probably have a rematch next week because it would be asking a lot to have them come up with a new idea so soon.
Post match Orton hits the RKO to prevent another chair shot.
Heath Slater asks Rhyno to lay down for him. Rhyno says no because he needs to impress his constituents in his Michigan State Senate district (where he really is up for election). Slater suddenly can’t remember how many kids he has so Rhyno says no.
Miz arrived earlier today and met Scooby-Doo, demanding that all of his new DVDs are immediately recalled. Scooby shoves him in a van and steals Miz’s car.
Heath Slater vs. Rhyno
Rhyno beats him up to start and shrugs off everything Slater can throw at him. A belly to belly gets two on Heath but he avoids a charge to send Rhyno into the buckle. That’s only good for two though as Slater is caught with his feet on the ropes, setting up the Gore to give Rhyno the pin at 3:03.
Rating: D. This was all it needed to be though I’m hoping Slater gets to keep going with this run he’s on as it’s quite entertaining. Rhyno is fine in the role as well as he can go out there, hit people really hard and then get pinned while keeping most of his credibility. He’s a fine role player and that’s all it needs to be.
We go to the Wyatts with Rowan talking about wolves being led by a sheep. Bray says Rowan has always been a good soldier (Good?) but tonight he wants Erick to be ready to give his life for the cause.
After a break the bosses are considering giving Heath a job for his fighting spirit until Slater comes in to yell at them for embarrassing him in front of his seven kids. Heath says Smackdown doesn’t deserve him and storms off. They change their mind on the contract.
Carmella vs. Natalya
Natalya jumps her during the entrance and sends her throat first into the ropes. A stomping in the corner makes the orange Carmella scream and we’re off to a bow and arrow. It’s off to the abdominal stretch with Natalya lifting Carmella’s leg to make it even worse. Nattie By Nature connects but Carmella kicks off the Sharpshooter and puts on her headscissors crossface for the tap at 4:12.
Rating: D+. Not much to this one but it’s a good way to introduce Carmella. Unfortunately I really don’t think she’s ready for the main roster in ring level. Keeping it short here like they did with Bliss earlier makes sense though as they both need ring time. I’m still amazed that they think they have enough talent for a division when you have to count Eva and Maryse as members of the roster though. Maybe in a few months when Carmella and Alexa have developed but this is too soon.
Long video on AJ Styles vs. John Cena.
Baron Corbin attacks Kalisto for costing him the triple threat last week.
Erick Rowan/Bray Wyatt vs. Dolph Ziggler/Dean Ambrose
The Wyatts run the good guys over to start and Rowan hits a clothesline to send Dolph outside as we take a break less than ninety seconds in. Back with Dean getting the hot tag to clean house, only to spend too much time on the floor with Rowan so Bray can take him down with a big clothesline. Bray sends Dean outside again for the release Rock Bottom on the apron, only to have to escape Dirty Deeds.
Instead Dean hits a swinging neckbreaker and makes the real hot tag to Ziggler. Everything breaks down and Rowan’s spinning kick to the face gets two on Dolph. The Zig Zag gets the same with Bray making the save but Dean breaks up Sister Abigail. Dean’s suicide dive gets tangled up in the ropes and he crashes down to the floor, leaving Rowan to eat the superkick for the pin at 10:40.
Rating: C+. It was false hope at best to imagine Bray being added to the title match and I’m ok with that. Ziggler vs. Ambrose will be a fine match. Not thrilling mind you but definitely entertaining enough for a middle of the shot spot. Rowan taking the fall here was the only way to go as Bray can come back later, hopefully against the winner of the title match and no one is any worse off.
Dean gives him Dirty Deeds as a receipt for earlier in the night. A BIG YES chant ends the show.
Overall Rating: C. This was a bit better than last night’s show but a lot of the improvement is due to the show being an hour shorter. It’s so much better to have this show wrap up at ten instead of eleven as the show doesn’t drain you nearly as much. That being said, it was still little more than a bunch of short matches with so many people off on the overseas tour. The show was completely in the middle though as an easy two hour sit but nothing that you needed to see. Things should pick up with the full roster back next week though.
Results
American Alpha b. Mike Vega/Mikey O’Shea – Grand Amplitude to Vega
Alexa Bliss b. Becky Lynch – Twisted Bliss
Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Del Rio used a chair
Rhyno b. Heath Slater – Gore
Carmella b. Natalya – Headscissors Crossface
Dean Ambrose/Dolph Ziggler b. Erick Rowan/Bray Wyatt – Superkick to Rowan
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Smackdown – August 2, 2016: Double The Problem And It Might Go Away
Smackdown Date: August 2, 2016
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga
Last week’s show wasn’t the greatest in the world and the reception has been mixed at best. That doesn’t mean the show is in trouble by any means though as Raw started off great and wasn’t exactly as strong last night. If nothing else we get American Alpha tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan watching the end of Raw last night with Randy Orton. Shane isn’t happy because he thinks Orton has jeopardized everything but it was pretty awesome. There’s a bunch of security standing by but Orton doesn’t think they’re necessary. The bosses walk away and run into Miz and Maryse with the former saying he’s their Jason Bourne. Bryan announces a triple threat match between Baron Corbin, Apollo Creed (yes Creed) and Kalisto with the winner getting the shot at Summerslam. They keep walking and run into Dean Ambrose who says nothing of note.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Ambrose to say he loves being the captain of the blue brand and he’s here to stay. That brings us to Summerslam so Dean would like Dolph Ziggler to come out here right now. Ziggler started here as a male cheerleader and knows what it means to work hard to get to the top. Dean doesn’t want to hear it though because people told him that he wasn’t championship material and you can’t pay attention to all that negativity. You can’t be worried about what fans chant and what people say on the internet and stealing the show all night long.
All that matters is that Ziggler is facing him for the title at Summerslam. Ziggler goes into a story about going to his first WWE live event when he was five and then being a star at Kent State University as a walk-on. He’s spent seven years being told he’s too good and then not good enough and he’s going to walk into Summerslam to take the title like he deserves to.
Dean leaves and there go the lights with Bray Wyatt appearing to lay out Ziggler with Sister Abigail. Bray calls him worthless and wants a match with Ziggler tonight for the #1 contendership. Putting Wyatt in the spot would make sense but I have a bad feeling that they’re going with this as a way to put Ziggler over because the last six to eight years haven’t accomplished that yet but having Wyatt lose would be the ticket.
Post break Ziggler tells the bosses that he wants the match.
Kalisto vs. Apollo Crews vs. Baron Corbin
Winner gets the Intercontinental Title shot at Summerslam with Miz on commentary. Everyone also now has a little tail of the tape during their entrance to make things feel a little more professional. Corbin gets double teamed to the floor to start but he’s able to low bridge Crews to the floor, only to have Kalisto take Baron out with a suicide dive as we go to an early break.
Back with Corbin in control with Kalisto sends him outside. A Samoan drop gets two for Crews but Corbin comes back in with Deep Six for two of his own. Another hurricanrana attempt is countered but Corbin gets dropkicked to the floor, leaving Crews to pin Kalisto for the title shot 6:45.
Rating: C. This was barely long enough to rate with the commercial but Crews was the only option. They’re not going to go heel vs. heel for the title and Kalisto is a lost cause so Crews had to get the win. It’s nice that they’re actually doing something with him for a change though and maybe it can actually mean they’re serious about these random callups.
Post match Corbin goes after Kalisto with Crews making the save, only to eat a Skull Crushing Finale.
Becky Lynch vs. Eva Marie
Eva gets her big over the top entrance, which seems to be her new standard. Actually hang on a second as Eva is claiming a leg injury before the bell. We get a trainer brought in and there’s no match. This comes off as the latest answer to “we can’t have Eva wrestle live.”
We go to Renee Young for an interview with Carmella but Natalya cuts them off. They get catty with each other (because that’s what WWE women do) and a match is teased for later.
American Alpha vs. Vaudevillains
Gable quickly takes Gotch down to start before it’s off to Jordan. That doesn’t go as well so it’s right back to Gable for a top rope double clothesline. A double dropkick sends the Vaudevillains to the floor and Alpha does their sliding pose. Chad gets beaten down for a few seconds before the hot tag brings in Jordan to clean house. The dropkicks and suplexes set up Grand Amplitude to end English at 3:28.
Rating: C+. This was exactly what the debut needed to be as they kept it short but got in everything they needed to hit. These guys really are like a modern day Steiner Brothers and the high flying makes it even more entertaining. I still don’t know why they’re doing new Smackdown Tag Team Titles though when of the seven or so teams they have, two of them are jobbers and another is Breezango. Anyway though, Alpha looked great here.
Video on John Cena hosting the Teen Choice Awards.
Here’s AJ Styles with a message for Cena but he’s cut off in a hurry by Cena himself. AJ thinks he could beat Cena up but he’s done that time after time and Cena just keeps sticking around. Styles doesn’t like Cena making these kids delusional and taking the kids with them. You don’t get dessert before dinner, you don’t stay up late with school the next day and you don’t get a trophy for participation. You’re rewarded for winning like AJ did when he beat John Cena last time.
Cena does his standard “they make up their own minds about me” but AJ cuts him off again to rant about his win again. Styles wants to know why Cena is still here with all that stuff he has going on outside of WWE. As usual, it’s because Cena loves this place. He loves doing the ESPYs and the Teen Choice Awards because people always ask him when he’s leaving WWE. That gives him another chance to say the WWE is his home and he’s never leaving.
Tomorrow when AJ is kicking it on his day off, Cena will be in New York on the Late Show representing WWE. All AJ has to do is be a great wrestler who can get up and leave when he needs to. There is no other place for Cena so what the heck is AJ doing here? AJ mockingly applauds him and issues the challenge for Summerslam, which Cena immediately accepts. Cena was great as usual but I’m really not sure what AJ’s issue was here and that’s not good.
Randy Orton vs. Fandango
Security is around ringside. The fans already want an RKO but get Orton working on the leg but walking into a dropkick instead. We’re already in a chinlock as JBL incorrectly says Orton’s father was in the main event of the first Wrestlemania (being in the corner for doesn’t mean being in the match). Breeze tries to come in and eats a powerslam, leaving Fandango to take the elevated DDT. There’s the RKO but cue Brock to come in for the F5 and the DQ at 3:05.
Rating: D. Normally I wouldn’t rate this when the last fifteen seconds of the match were Brock coming out to watch and the F5 but it’s not like it matters that much. Thank goodness they can use a team like Breezango as cannon fodder like this. But hey, we should totally buy them as title contenders soon after this.
During the break, Lesnar was forced to leave the arena.
Heath Slater comes in to see Daniel Bryan and asks for a contract. Bryan gives Slater a match next week and if he wins, he gets a job. Slater thinks he’s facing Jumping Marty Lunde (Arn Anderson’s real name) but gets Gored by Rhyno instead.
Ambrose says nothing surprises him.
Carmella vs. Natalya
And again no match with Natalya jumping Carmella from behind and putting on a Sharpshooter.
The bosses try to talk Ziggler out of the match and he says screw them.
Bray Wyatt vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler hits a dropkick and Fameasser for two less than ten seconds in. The threat of a superkick sends Bray outside and he’s hobbling on his previously injured leg. Back from a break with Bray hitting a superplex and putting on a cravate. Bray’s leg seems fine as Ziggler comes back with clotheslines and a neckbreaker. The superkick is blocked though and Bray gets two off the backsplash.
Bray goes to pull off the turnbuckle pad but gets caught with a Zig Zag for a close two. Even Dean is stunned off the kickout. Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two but the release Rock Bottom gets two on Dolph. Back up and Bray is sent face first into the exposed buckle (as usual, right in front of the referee because they’re worthless in WWE), followed by a superkick for the title shot at 11:34.
Rating: B. The false finishes were really good here but that lack of a DQ makes the match look so faked. At least try to make it clear that the referee isn’t looking or something because it makes them look incompetent. Speaking of incompetent, we’re really sticking with Ziggler vs. Ambrose at Summerslam? That’s what they’re going with? I mean, I know it’s not a popular move and the match won’t be that great but that’s what we’re getting because WWE decided it.
Post match Erick Rowan comes out to beat down Ziggler. Ambrose’s save attempt doesn’t work and it’s Sister Abigail on Dolph to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. I liked it better than last week but it’s really clear that adding more titles would be a horrible decision right now as the depth just isn’t there. The depth was barely there for one set of titles so the solution is clearly to double everything. That ending gives me hope that we won’t be seeing just Ambrose vs. Ziggler at Summerslam. The worst part is the match will be at least decent but there’s just no WOW factor to it and that’s a really bad thing for Smackdown’s future.
Results
Apollo Crews b. Kalisto and Baron Corbin – Rollup to Kalisto
American Alpha b. Vaudevillains – Grand Amplitude to English
Randy Orton b. Fandango via DQ when Brock Lesnar interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Bray Wyatt – Superkick
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Smackdown Date: March 31, 2016
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Mauro Ranallo
This is one of the most unique shows of the year as it’s mostly going to be about building up Wrestlemania. The few matches that will be on here were taped on Monday at Raw so the crowd is going to be hotter than usual. Expect a lot of video packages here though as that’s the point of the show. Let’s get to it.
AJ Styles vs. Heath Slater
Before the match, the Outcasts talk about how the four of them are going to win the battle royal. Axel dubs the team the Phenomenal Four. Rose: “You really racked your brain to come up with that one didn’t you?” Slater gets in a boot to the head to knock AJ outside, sending him head first into the steps. I’ll go on a limb and say that’s the extent of his major offense in this match.
We hit a chinlock back inside followed by a jumping heel kick (Lawler: “That was fournomenal!”) for two on Styles. Slater misses a splash though and AJ makes his comeback with the speedy strikes, including a Pele to Rose. The Phenomenal Forearm puts Slater away at 4:45.
Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this one as Slater shouldn’t be beating AJ up for any given amount of time. I’m fine with him getting in a little offense here and there but this as about 80% Slater and that’s a really bad sign with Wrestlemania just a few days away. Bad match planning here and that’s not good.
Byron Saxton and Renee Young are at AT&T Stadium to introduce a lot of videos throughout the night. Yeah that’s going to be the big bulk of the show.
Long video on Shane vs. Undertaker, mostly stuff we’ve seen on Raw already.
Network shill.
Hall of Fame ad.
Video on Ambrose vs. Lesnar.
Pre-show preview.
Video on HHH using the Dudley Boyz to trap Reigns from Raw and the ensuing brawl.
Video on Snoop Dogg being inducted into the celebrity wing of the Hall of Fame.
Jey Uso vs. D-Von Dudley
Jey pounds in the corner to start and clotheslines D-Von out to the floor, earning himself a jawing session with Bubba. Back in and Jey’s charge goes into the post, allowing Bubba to get in a right hand to really change control. A top rope splash misses though and it’s time for the kicks, followed by a Samoan drop. The running Umaga attack causes Bubba to start a D-Von chant, which works far better than it should for the heel act. Bubba and Jimmy get into it on the floor, allowing D-Von to get in a spinebuster for the pin at 4:25.
Rating: C. Believe it or not this was fine. It’s kind of hard to screw up a match that only goes four minutes and has someone as capable as D-Von in there. The match is going to be fine but it’s just not a story that I really want to see. It’s also interesting that the Usos are the same in singles matches that they are in tags. You don’t often see two wrestlers who are so similar and really change nothing when they’re in the same match.
Video on the Divas Title triple threat.
Ad for Thank You Daniel on the WWE Network, which really is entertaining.
Clip of Del Rio vs. Kofi on Monday and Coach’s post match cameo.
Byron and Renee talk about the World Title match.
Video on Reigns vs. HHH.
Dean Ambrose vs. Erick Rowan
Bray and Strowman only come to the stage so Rowan is on his own here. They slug it out to start with Rowan getting the better of it off a back elbow. Dean sends him outside and knees him from the apron as we take a break. Back with Rowan getting two off a reverse powerslam (ala Lucha Underground’s Matanza) and slapping on the chinlock. Dean’s comeback is stopped by a boot to the face and it’s time for that head vice.
Erick mixes things up with a middle rope back elbow to the jaw (ala Bayley of all people) but takes too long going up and gets superplexed down. Dean gets in the suicide shove and the standing elbow drop gets two. A sitout Rock Bottom (Matt Hardy’s Side Effect) and a spinwheel kick give Rowan a pair of near falls but Dirty Deeds ends Rowan at 13:58.
Rating: D. Yeah this was nothing. It was a lot of rest holds before we got to the exact ending everyone knew we were getting. Then again, this isn’t exactly a show that is going to be held to a high standard. Rowan is nothing more than the guy you send out there to look big and intimidating and then lose every time. That’s going to keep him employed for a very long time though as it’s a role that has to be fulfilled.
A quick plug of the Austin Podcast with Mick Foley takes us out.
Overall Rating: D. Like I said in the main event, this wasn’t supposed to be a regular show. The wrestling was there for the sake of saying there was wrestling on the show in between the videos. That being said, the show accomplished its goal of being a big commercial for Wrestlemania, which means it’s good if you don’t watch regularly but a huge waste of time if you watch every week. I’d call it a necessary evil and that has to be expected with this meaningless episode every year.
Results
AJ Styles b. Heath Slater – Phenomenal Forearm
D-Von Dudley b. Jey Uso – Spinebuster
Dean Ambrose b. Erick Rowan – Dirty Deeds
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Smackdown Date: February 4, 2016
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton
Monday really didn’t offer us much to see this week as the main event didn’t change a lot. The big story continues to be Brock Lesnar, who isn’t likely to show up on this show. Other than that we’ve got Miz vs. AJ Styles scheduled for tonight which could be good if Miz is allowed to control for a bit. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Roman Reigns vs. Rusev
Yes again. An early Del Rio distraction sends things to the floor and Reigns is sent into the steps. Back in and Rusev drives in some ax handles to the back but he misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. The corner clotheslines look to set up the Superman Punch but the League comes in for the DQ at 2:59.
Ambrose runs out for the save but takes Reigns out by mistake. The League beats Ambrose down but Reigns makes the save to set up the obvious tag main event.
Post break Ambrose says he got a bit too reved up out there but Reigns is still his brother because that was an accident. Reigns will know when he comes after him.
Kalisto vs. Kevin Owens
Non-title with Ziggler on commentary so you know what’s coming. Owens stomps him down in the corner as Lawler calls Kalisto a Mexican mosquito. Kalisto kicks Owens to the floor for a flip dive but gets thrown with a release German suplex as we take a break. Back with Owens getting two off the running backsplash but Kalisto kicks him in the head to start his comeback.
The corkscrew cross body sets up the hurricanrana driver for two but Owens sends him out to the floor. That’s fine with Owens as he drops Kalisto onto the barricade. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table for a powerbomb but Owens throws Kalisto onto Ziggler instead. Dolph takes a superkick for a bonus before Owens throws Kalisto inside….where he’s rolled up to give Kalisto the pin at 8:44.
Rating: C. OH COME ON ALREADY! Yeah it’s good that Kalisto gets the win over a name like Owens, but this is the perfect place for a countout or a DQ (like for throwing Kalisto AT ANOTHER PERSON) to let the champ win but not pinning Owens AGAIN. And this is to set up Owens beating Dolph Ziggler on pay per view, even though Ziggler admitted on commentary that Owens has beaten him like fifteen times already. Such brilliant thinking WWE. I’m proud of you.
We recap MizTV from Monday with AJ Styles beating him down.
Miz interrupts JoJo to tell him that he’d never interrupt anyone. We continue the Daniel Bryan/AJ Styles comparisons which really aren’t the biggest stretches in the world.
Ryback vs. Erick Rowan
Ryback is in standard black trunks now, which make him look a bit more serious. Or like an old school Brock Lesnar. Still no Bray due to his grandfather’s health issues. Ryback starts with right hands in the corner (standard opening) before a cross body sets up even more right hands. Rowan hammers him down with forearms to the back and the head vice. That’s fine with Ryback as he pops up (Since it’s two fists on the side of his head. And it’s Erick Rowan.) and hits his middle rope dropkick. Rowan is sent into Strowman and the Meathook gives Ryback the pin at 2:59. They aren’t exactly piling up the time tonight.
Ryback bails before the post match beatdown can ensue.
Becky Lynch is talking about saving Sasha Banks when Sasha comes in and yells about making the save. Becky brings up the cheap shot at the Royal Rumble and they agree to fight together until either of them can face Charlotte. Renee is confused but neither of them seem to know what happened either.
AJ Styles vs. The Miz
Jericho is on commentary. AJ starts with a nice dropkick so Miz bails into the corner like the coward he’s supposed to be. It’s out to the floor but AJ slingshots into the forearm (that’s a new one) to take over again. AJ gets pulled face first into the apron to take over though as Lawler starts going heel against AJ as well. Back in and Miz chokes on the ropes before cranking on both arms. There’s a boot to AJ’s face and a second to AJ’s seated face.
AJ fights up and it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down as we take a break. Back with AJ’s fireman’s carry into a backbreaker getting two but Miz’s short DDT gets the same. The Styles Clash is broken up as well, only to have AJ score with the springboard forearm, followed by the Calf Crusher (better than the Calf Killer) for the submission at 11:22.
Rating: C+. As usual Miz is underrated in the ring. I know he’s not exactly the best in the world and he really didn’t need to be in the main event of Wrestlemania (though it made sense at the time), but he’s someone that you can throw out there and have him look good for a few minutes before taking a fall that does nothing to hurt his career or his heat. That’s a very valuable asset to have on the roster and he was able to give AJ a nice little rub here too.
Post match Jericho gets in the ring and says he knows AJ is good but wants to see how good he really is. Therefore, there’s going to be a rematch next week.
Roman isn’t worried about what happened earlier with Ambrose because they’re always in the same book even if they’re not on the same page.
Here’s New Day for a chat. After a quick plug for Ride Along, it’s time to brag about having some gold. It’s what separates them from the masses of title-less caterpillars. This gold isn’t like a participation trophies that Little Leaguers get for showing up. We get the NEW DAY ROCKS dance but here are the Social Outcasts for their scheduled match. There’s no Bo because he’s still recording for his gold album, which is of course gold, unlike the bronze titles. After a discussion of whether New Day are rhinos or unicorns, it’s time for a six man.
New Day vs. Social Outcasts
So the Outcasts are faces now? A brawl starts and we take a break 23 seconds in. Back with Slater dropkicking Kofi before it’s off to Rose for an uppercut. That’s about it for the Outcasts’ offense though as it’s off to Big E. for a standing splash and the Unicorn Stampede. Woods’ bottom rope tornado DDT gets two but Rose counters the flipping clothesline with a nice spinebuster.
The hot tag brings in Axel for a really solid sequence of missed shots with Kofi, capped off by a running knee to Kofi’s head. Everything breaks down and Trouble in Paradise drops Rose. Axel rolls Kofi up for two with his feet on the ropes, only to have Kofi do the same thing for the pin on Curtis at 7:30.
Rating: C-. Axel really surprised me here and looked strong in that sequence with Kingston. The Outcasts are a good choice to have an underdog push as it’s not like they’re doing anything else. Let them get some mic time and show off a bit, even if they never really go anywhere. A fluke win here and there isn’t going to hut anyone, though they certainly shouldn’t have gone over here.
Charlotte vs. Alicia Fox
Non-title. Fox throws her down to start but gets spun around in the corner and taken down with a neckbreaker. Alicia’s sunset flip out of the corner doesn’t get her anywhere and it’s off to the Figure Four Necklock for a few seconds. Back up and a double big boot puts both of them down. That’s enough for Charlotte as she chop blocks Fox and slaps on the Figure Eight for the win at 3:58.
Rating: D+. Fox is athletic but she’s the designated jobber of Team Bella. You know, because Brie Bella, who gets one win every few months, deserves to have a team named after her. I still have no idea why Charlotte had to get pinned by Brie to set this up when it could have been done by building up her character instead.
This week’s R-Truth/Goldust segment takes place at a hotel with Goldust as a bellhop. Truth’s suitcase is cracked open and Goldust admires his underwear.
Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio/Rusev
So Del Rio’s back seems to be ok. Ambrose headlocks Rusev to start before it’s quickly off to Reigns. They slug it out with Roman getting the better of it (of course), only to charge into a swinging kick to the head for two. Del Rio comes in and slaps on a chinlock before it’s back to Rusev for a suplex. The League poses at ringside but it actually doesn’t take us to a commercial.
Instead Reigns Samoan Drops Rusev and reaches over for the tag off to Ambrose. Everything breaks down and Dean dives onto Rusev, followed by the rebound lariat. Another hot tag brings Reigns and the Superman Punch gets two on Rusev with Del Rio breaking up the cover. Dean’s suicide dive almost hits Reigns but he pulls up just in time. That earns Rusev a second Superman Punch, followed by the spear for the pin at 7:48.
Rating: C. Well that happened. As was the case on Monday, no one seems to be a real challenge for Reigns and Ambrose but at least they didn’t pin any champions here. The League continues to be a team that just floats around and does nothing interesting because they have no real feuds save for Del Rio vs. Kalisto. Nothing to see here, especially with a lack of drama between the winners.
Reigns and Ambrose are fine to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. Another week with another nothing show that could easily be skipped. They were getting somewhere with the Reigns vs. Ambrose tease but you know that’s going to end a Raw somewhere instead of being used on a random Smackdown. It’s cool that we’re getting Styles vs. Jericho II next week but that still seems to be little more than a way to set up a pay per view match. As usual it’s watchable but nothing worth seeing.
Results
Roman Reigns b. Rusev via DQ when the League of Nations interfered
Kalisto b. Kevin Owens – Rollup
Ryback b. Erick Rowan – Meathook
AJ Styles b. The Miz – Calf Killer
New Day b. Social Outcasts – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Charlotte b. Alicia Fox – Figure Eight
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. Rusev/Alberto Del Rio – Spear to Rusev
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – February 1, 2016: It Takes Talent To Be This Shortsighted
Monday Night Raw Date: February 1, 2016
Location: Legacy Arena, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
We have a main event set for Fastlane and Brock Lesnar is back tonight to give us all three in the same building tonight. Other than that you can see most of the card from here, but the important questions are what happens between now and Wrestlemania and whether or not new stories will start after the February pay per view. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
We open with Brock and Heyman with the former in a new red Suplex City shirt. Heyman immediately talks about the Wyatts, whose plot to get rid of Brock from the Royal Rumble worked, but it isn’t keeping him out of the main event of Wrestlemania. Now Lesnar is in a triple threat at Fastlane and that means it’s time for Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose to go to Suplex City. After that, Lesnar will conquer the billion dollar trophy husband to become the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. Heyman goes back to the triple threat so here’s Ambrose to interrupt.
Dean gets right in Brock’s face and asks Heyman (or Porky) who he’s calling a nutjob. Ambrose isn’t stupid, crazy or scared right now because he respects Lesnar. That’s why he wants to stand in front of Brock and tell him how much he wants the title. He’s willing to fight his brother and Lesnar at the same time, even though he knows the beating that’s coming for him at Fastlane. It better be the best beating Lesnar has ever given though because Dean is going to do whatever it takes to go to Fastlane and take the title from HHH. Dean actually leaves with no violence and Lesnar smiles.
Kalisto vs. Rusev
Non-title and Alberto Del Rio is on commentary because he gets another title shot at Fastlane. Rusev (with Lana in his corner) shoves him around to start but Kalisto starts firing off the kicks that almost every small guy uses against a bigger opponent. A hurricanrana is blocked though, only to have Kalisto stay with it and take Rusev out to the floor. The champ’s dive is countered by a kick to the head though and we take a break.
Back with Kalisto charging into a shot in the corner as some of the fans in the front rows are doing the Lucha Dragons dance. A tornado DDT sends Rusev down but he plants Kalisto with a release Rock Bottom for two of his own. As you might expect, Kalisto pops right back up with a dropkick to the knee and the hurricanrana driver.
Rusev obeys the referee’s command to kick out but gets kicked to the floor. Kalisto’s dive is caught but he escapes what looks like a fall away slam and dropkicks Rusev into the steps. Another hurricanrana sends Rusev into the barricade and Kalisto dives back in for the countout win at 10:11. That was one of the slowest ten counts I’ve ever seen.
Rating: D+. Yeah yeah we get the idea: Kalisto goes through the League before getting to face Del Rio again. This would be so much easier to watch if we didn’t have to see five matches between the two of them in about two months. I’m just tired of seeing the two of them fight, even though the matches are watchable enough.
Stephanie and Reigns are in the back with the new HHH World Title belt when Ambrose comes in. Both guys are willing to do whatever it takes to get that title at Wrestlemania but Stephanie implies that they might turn on each other. She even says Ambrose is Reigns’ sidekick but Dean thinks it’s the other way around. That earns them a match against New Day in the main event. Nothing we haven’t seen on Smackdown a half dozen times, but WWE doesn’t care about Smackdown either.
We look at Nikki Bella’s neck surgery.
Brie Bella says her sister is in bed watching the WWE Network. Cue Charlotte and Ric to brag about beating Nikki for the Divas Title. Charlotte would be concerned about Nikki’s injuries if she had any reason to. Brie is left looking sad and good night they’re actually wanting to make me care about BRIE BELLA feeling bad? That’s the point we’ve reached?
Usos vs. Curtis Axel/Adam Rose
The Usos are announced as the Grammy Award winning Tag Team of the Year. They even re-air it after the break to make fun of Lillian’s flub. There’s no Bo Dallas due to his dad being in the hospital, so Slater says he’s in the studio after his battle with Flo Rida last week. Axel kicks Jey in the ribs to start and it’s off to Rose, who comes in with a top rope knee to the chest. The announcers go on about Stephanie suggesting that absolute power corrupts absolutely because they exist to push her stupid lines.
Axel’s chinlock keeps things slow and Rose’s makes it even worse until Jimmy enziguris him down. Jey comes in with a bunch of superkicks (including one where Axel telegraphed it worse than anything I’ve seen in years). At least four superkicks in a row set up a double superkick and the Superfly Splash for the pin on Rose at 5:11.
Rating: O. For obnoxious. Yeah Lillian screwed up a line so let’s spend the whole match going on and on because NO ONE IN WWE HAS EVER SCREWED UP A LINE BECAUSE THEY’RE TOTALLY PERFECT AND THE GREATEST THING EVER. It’s stuff like that which makes the whole company seem so stuck up that it drives me insane. Get over yourselves already and call the match instead of making fun of Garcia (a woman that people like Kevin Dunn, who I would almost bet was behind that whole thing, could never get) or talking about how insightful Stephanie’s stuff was. The match sucked by the way.
Back from a break with WWE bragging about being on American Airlines in-flight magazine. Yeah that gets ten seconds but Lillian’s flub gets a full match.
It’s time for MizTV with special guest AJ Styles. Miz gets right to the point by cutting off AJ before he can say a word to every question. He lists off AJ’s accomplishments such as being the smallest guy on the football team and coming from rural Georgia. AJ has gone all over the world and finally got to the WWE where he lasted nearly half an hour in the Royal Rumble. Then he defeated Chris Jericho in his debut match, which is a big reason why Miz sees a lot of Daniel Bryan in AJ.
Miz goes on another rant about how he fathered the YES Movement before telling the fans to be quiet. The fans think AJ (who hasn’t said a word yet) can make it in the WWE without Miz’s guidance but there’s no chance of that happening. That’s enough for AJ as he goes off on Miz in the corner and chases him off for the big hero moment. I get the idea here, but Miz actually gave AJ quite the introduction, which was probably the other intended purpose.
Brie Bella vs. Charlotte
Non-title, mainly because Brie never wins anything and therefore probably shouldn’t be in this story. Brie starts fast but the BRIE MODE knee is countered with Charlotte sending her to the floor. The figure four neck lock keeps Brie in trouble but she makes the required clothesline comeback. Now the BRIE MODE knee (minus the shouting of BRIE MODE) connects and it’s off to a sleeper, only to have Ric get up on the apron. Amazingly enough the powers of Alicia Fox aren’t enough to do anything, allowing Charlotte to use something like a Stunner to escape. Charlotte slaps on the Figure Four but gets rolled up for the pin at 4:45.
Rating: F. GAH THIS STUPID FREAKING COMPANY!!! So we already have the triple threat set up at Fastlane with the three NXT women but now we get the addition of BRIE BELLA so the spirit of Nikki can be upon us. I’m sure Brie will be fighting for her sister’s honor or some nonsense like that because Brie and Nikki are now faces after being heels for like ever because of reasons that aren’t important enough to explain. Didn’t they learn anything in the Divas Revolution when Brie was dragging down every freaking match she was in with the NXT women? And it was a clean pin. On the champion. Live on Raw. Just so much dumb.
We look back at Big Show saving Reigns and Ambrose from the Wyatts on Smackdown.
Erick Rowan vs. Big Show
Show grabs the stairs to hold off Strowman and the announcers somehow don’t bring up the stairs match these two had a few years back. Rowan can’t suplex Show (because he’s a big bad show tonight) and after spearing Strowman off the apron, the chokeslam puts Rowan away at 1:20.
Post match the Wyatts (minus Bray who is in Florida with his dad as well) beat Show down and slam him onto the steps.
Titus O’Neil vs. Tyler Breeze
At least Breeze has his full entrance back. Titus throws him into the corner to start but Breeze is smart enough to take out the knee, which is quickly wrapped around the post. We hit the half crab on Titus before he throws Tyler across the ring all the way from his back. A HUGE clothesline drops Breeze and the Clash of the Titus is good for the pin at 2:49.
HHH comes in to see Brock and asks why Dean was allowed to live. Brock says he’ll see HHH at Wrestlemania.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kevin Owens
Owens won last week and that’s got me very worried here. It’s a brawl to start with Owens naturally getting the better of it. Ziggler gets thrown over the top and into the timekeeper’s area as we take a break. Back with Ziggler jawbreaking his way out of a chinlock but getting crushed by the Cannonball for two. A hard elbow drops Ziggler again but he avoids a charge in the corner and hits three straight Stinger Splashes.
Thankfully Kevin will have none of that and clotheslines Dolph’s head off, only to get dumped out to the floor. Back in and Owens superkicks Dolph’s head off for two but takes too long going up. Ziggler’s superplex is blocked though, allowing Owens to get him into the Tree of Woe. Another Cannonball connects (that looked great) and now the Pop Up Powerbomb is….countered into the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:35.
Rating: D+. That’s mostly for the ending because WWE is going out of their way to screw themselves over. Kevin Owens has the potential to be something fun and fresh as a heel but we need the 50/50 booking with DOLPH ZIGGLER. Owens could be a World Champion (and if there has EVER been a time when they need someone to step up and be a big deal, it might be before Wrestlemania with Rollins and Cena both hurt) by the end of the year but he’s losing here because of whatever stupid philosophy they have. This actually made me mad and what makes it even worse is that you knew it was coming the whole way.
Video on Mark Henry for Black History Month.
Here’s Sasha Banks for a match but first she has something to say. Sasha says she’s on her own and no one is going to stop her from winning the title. This brings out Naomi and Tamina because the world was waiting for the Team BAD blowoff. Naomi says she knew this was coming but Sasha wants them to still be friends. They do the UNITY pose and everything seems cool. Of course.
Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks
They trade rollups to start with Sasha getting the better of it and hitting the double knees in the corner. Becky gets knocked to the floor but Sasha doesn’t want Tamina and Naomi to help. She says she doesn’t need the help so Tamina and Naomi pull her to the floor for the DQ 3:40.
Rating: D+. No time of course because the NXT women never get a chance to do anything. I’d like to repeat though: no one cares about Tamina and Naomi and they’re clearly just doing this (possibly a tag feud for Fastlane) so we can get BRIE BELLA as a title contender. Yeah it’s a fill in challenger, but why not spend the extra time setting up your big Wrestlemania match instead of wasting your time on a nothing feud with no drama?
Post match Becky saves Sasha from the beatdown.
We get a clip of JBL interviewing Ron Simmons on the Network.
Chris Jericho says everyone has been talking about AJ Styles….except for him. Everything about their match last week was tremendous except for the outcome. AJ showed that he’s a tenacious pitbull and Jericho is going to be watching AJ’s match with Miz on Smackdown.
R-Truth goes into the bathroom and finds Goldust crouching on the toilet. Goldust still won’t take no for an answer on the team but Truth thinks Goldust is a weirdo. That means it’s time to bring up Little Jimmy, which seems to get to Truth a bit. Remember like eight days ago when Truth was still crazy and not the straight man in these vignettes?
New Day vs. Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose
Non-title because the champions need to lose again and Heyman is on commentary. Before the match, Woods talks about how the comments from Rock have Francesca so upset that she can’t sleep at night. Rocky needs to think of the children, like the one they point at in the front row doing the New Day dance. Tonight they’re taking care of Rock’s cousin and they’ll throw in Dean too.
Reigns and Kofi get things going with Kingston having to get out of a Samoan Drop, earning himself a right hand to the head. It’s off to Dean for a basement clothesline as Heyman is already frustrated with Cole’s talk about Ambrose staring Lesnar down earlier. The threat of the Superman Punch causes Woods and Big E. to pull Kofi to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Big E. missing the Apron Splash but Ambrose is kept in trouble with a whip into the steps. Kofi kicks him in the head for two as Woods jumps in on commentary to yell about how awesome they are. Ambrose stays in trouble and Big E. gets two off a splash. Heyman is trying to get in on this but there’s only so much you can do with Woods blasting that trombone.
We hit the abdominal stretch (Woods: “Stretch the abs!”) but Dean doesn’t like the spanking and bites Big E.’s nose. A suplex allows the hot tag to Reigns and it’s time for some corner clotheslines. The other hot tag brings in Ambrose as everything breaks down. The Superman Punch sets up Dirty Deeds on Big E. for the pin at 17:22.
Rating: D+. Hey look: champions lose again clean. This is how things work in WWE this time of year and they really don’t care how obvious they make it coming in. The match was fine but they made it clear that New Day was losing here for the sake of pushing Reigns and Ambrose. Pushing the two of them is fine, but it’s really sad that they had no one else to lose to Reigns and Ambrose. Can you imagine sitting through another League “showdown”?
Post match Brock comes out for the showdown but New Day attacks Reigns, allowing Brock to F5 Ambrose to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Oh man this one was rough. This was a show where they made it clear that they don’t care what’s going on until the night after Fastlane, which makes me wonder why I’m going to watch until then. We’re getting stuff like Brie Bella fighting for the spirit of her sister, whose goal in life is to get John Cena to marry and impregnate her. That’s my hero in the Divas division.
On top of that, there’s the nonsense with the 50/50 booking. Again: the roster is so depleted right now and tonight we saw Dolph Ziggler, the definition of career midcarder, is beating Kevin Owens clean. Why? Just because Owens won last week and we need to set up something at Fastlane. Instead of having Owens look like a killer and setting up something big at Wrestlemania, we need to see this nothing feud and story that is only taking place to fill in time before we get to Wrestlemania.
Then why have Fastlane? Why not just give us a ten week build to Wrestlemania? That’s where WWE loses me. It’s clear that they’re just having a filler show at Fastlane, so why should I bother paying attention for the next three weeks? They’re resetting again after the show and we’ve got a month before the biggest show of all time. Well done on making it feel special WWE. Really, it takes talent to be this shortsighted.
Results
Kalisto b. Rusev via countout
Usos b. Curtis Axel/Adam Rose – Superfly Splash to Rose
Brie Bella b. Charlotte – Small package
Big Show b. Erick Rowan – Chokeslam
Titus O’Neil b. Tyler Breeze – Clash of the Titus
Dolph Ziggler b. Kevin Owens – Zig Zag
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. New Day – Dirty Deeds to Big E.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Let’s get the usual male suspects out of the way first: Big Show is old and boring, Kane is more old and boring, but at least Kane had some funny moments during the Corporate days to put him firmly ahead. It’s still bad and the Demon character continues to fail as he’s unstoppable until the bell rings when a few finishing moves can put him away. These two have to be in the running every year though so we’ll get them out of the way here.
Oddly enough you hear about two members of the Wyatt Family this year. I understand the dislike for Rowan as he’s the designated jobber of the team and has to lose more often than not, but ever since that stairs match (egads what a horrible thing that is to think about) with Big Show, his career has been spiraling down further and further every single day. This one is easy to understand though and I can get the idea here.
On the other hand though, I don’t get the hatred for Braun Strowman. This comes off as a case of people missing the point of a character. Strowman is supposed to be the unstoppable monster. Why would he do much besides big power moves, including the choke? This is an old school character and the way he’s booked makes sense. I really don’t know what people are expecting here but he’s been used properly so far and is far from the worst.
Now we get to the most obvious choices with the Divas. We’ll start with the developmental version in Eva Marie. Now I’ve gone on a rant or two about her, but the key difference is she knows how to get people to HATE her. Yeah she’s terrible in the ring, but she’s capable of driving fans into losing their minds. Watch her match with Bayley on NXT and see how freaked out people are over the idea of Eva winning the title. She looks great in her attire and knows how to get people to hate her. That’s more than a lot of Divas have ever accomplished so I can’t quite call her the worst.
However, I can call Brie Bella the worst. Brie is a fascinating case as she has a gorgeous face, is in great shape, is married to one of the most popular wrestlers in years and I absolutely do not care about her. She can do basic moves well enough (and has a decent missile dropkick) but the idea of knowing whether she’s good or bad seems WAY too complicated for her. Just watch her throw the YES Kicks completely out of time whether she’s a face or a heel. It’s almost fascinating to watch at times as she just misses every beat, not even factoring in BRIE MODDDDDDE!
So yeah, as usual the Diva wins this.
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