Shotgun Saturday Night
Date: January 18, 1997
Location: Denim & Diamonds, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

This is the third episode of the show and it’s back when Shotgun was actually VERY different. The original format saw the show airing from a bar (like this one, the night before the Royal Rumble) with some far less family friendly content. This one has a pretty infamous segment and it should be fun to see it again. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence, which does make the show look rather awesome.

We run down the card, featuring the logo saying it’s live from New York City, which is quite the unforced error. Also of note, Vince praises JR’s black hat, which wasn’t quite a regular thing yet.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Rocky Maivia

Helmsley’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line and he promises to win both of his matches at the Royal Rumble. Oh and he’ll steal Marlena from Goldust too. The fans are VERY pro-Rocky, which was a rare thing at this point. Some armdrags send Helmsley into the corner (of the far smaller than usual ring) to start and some right hands make it worse.

Another armdrag sets up the armbar but Helmsley gets up for some knees to the ribs. That’s fine with Maivia, who armdrags him right back into the armbar. This time it’s broken up with an atomic drop…and here is Jake Roberts with the snake to clear the ring. We take a break and come back with Helmsley holding a chinlock and Roberts on commentary, saying he was just testing both of them.

Maivia fights up and makes the comeback, including a crossbody. Helmsley knocks him down for a quick two and we hit the chinlock again. This one doesn’t last as long and it’s Maivia fighting back with the right hands into the corner. A powerslam drops Helmsley and they both need a breather. Cue Marlena as Maivia strikes away, including a dropkick out to the floor. Helmsley sends him into the barricade but stops to look at Marlena, who says something we can’t hear. Cue Goldust to chase Helmsley for countout at 13:06.

Rating: C+. You could see some chemistry developing between these two but this was a long time before Rocky was the star he would become. At the same time, Helmsley’s feud with Goldust really did not work, with their Royal Rumble match being one of my all time least favorites. This was a fine enough match though, with the still brand new Maivia doing well enough.

Earlier this week on Raw, Sid talked about how he was going to have to become a monster at the Royal Rumble to retain the WWF Title. Shawn Michaels would say the same thing, but Sid promises to grab Michaels by his throat. Michaels’ mother will see the look on his face and Jose Lothario will stay out of it this time because he knows better. The friends and Mexicans (whom Lothario will summon) will know that Sid is the master and ruler of the world. This was in an empty arena and the echoing of Sid’s voice was great.

Bob Backlund is walking through the streets of New York and shouting a lot.

Mini Mankind/Histeria vs. Mascarita Sagrada Jr./Venum

Venum and Histeria (the non-minis) start things off with McMahon mocking JR’s descriptions of their gear. Venum’s springboard headscissors takes Histeria down but he misses a charge. A springboard flip dive drops Histeria outside and it’s off to the minis, with Sagrada sending him outside. That means a big dive to the floor as Steve Austin joins commentary (Vince: “And I don’t know why.”).

Back in and the non-minis take over with Venum being tossed outside as Austin isn’t sure why they’re here. Austin: “These guys in the Royal Rumble?” Sagrada comes back in to take over on Mankind as Austin is just going off on commentary, saying there are going to be 29 pieces of trash in the Royal Rumble and one Superstar.

Sagrada hits a dive to the floor as Austin complains about his chair being too small and offering McMahon an elbow in the face if he keeps insulting him. Venum comes back in and misses a corkscrew moonsault, allowing Histeria to hit a powerbomb for the pin at 5:53 (this is listed as 12 minutes on most online sources I can find, and unless there is some incredible editing, that’s not accurate).

Rating: C+. This is a weird case where the commentary is the focus. Austin was an absolute force out there, with an incredible run of lines. There is no question about why he became such a star, as the intensity he brought was second to no one. The match itself was an interesting enough idea, but as usual, it’s just random wrestlers having a match, which isn’t quite enough.

Super fans George and Adam are at the Alamodome. They’re the only fans there, because apparently the building has no security.

Here is Terry Funk for a chat and Austin isn’t pleased. Vince: “Texas’ own!” That is too far for Austin, because Funk is just from Texas. Funk: “This is my state!” Austin: “Wrong.” Funk: “This is my town.” Austin: “Wrong.” Funk: “I’m in the heart of Texas!” Austin: “Wrong.” Funk is a wristlockin, toe holdin, knee dropping (and other things) son of a son of a gun and tougher than a rattlesnake. He wants to know what number he is, but he wants to start at #1. Maybe he can rumble with Todd Pettingill!

Where are all the cowards from WCW? Where is Vince McMahon? Now he wants Jim Ross, calling him something censored. Or maybe….Steve Austin? You can see the look change in his eyes and Austin gets in the ring to go toe to toe with him and the brawl is on. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long and we go to a break, which is a shame as that was starting to get awesome. Well, more awesome as Funk was incredible here, with Austin being able to hang with him, which was impressive given what he was up against. Outstanding stuff and worth a look, though find the uncensored version, which is even nuttier.

Faarooq vs. Jesse Jammes

The Nation Of Domination is here with Faarooq. Jammes does his singing on the way to the ring but we miss part of it due to a microphone issue. The Nation stands there to start so Jammes jumps one of them, only to get hammered into the corner by Faarooq. A missed charge in the corner lets Jammes get in an armdrag, followed by a headlock. The lefts and rights in the corner don’t do much to Faarooq so Jammes goes with a belly to back for two. Back up and Faarooq hits a spinebuster, followed by the Dominator for the pin at 1:54.

Goldust vs. Steve Austin

HHH is here watching as well, which isn’t a great sign. They stare at each other to start and lock it up into the corner. Austin stomps him down with the exact style you would expect but Goldust is back with an elbow to the face. A low blow cuts Goldust off and it’s time to drive the shoulders in the corner. Goldust comes back with an oddly times hammerlock and we take a break. We come back with Terry Funk coming in to brawl with Austin for the DQ at 5:20. Not enough shown to rate but they weren’t being lazy in the time they had.

Post match the brawl stays on and here are a bunch of people for a big fight, with Austin and Funk fighting into a bar. HHH beats up Goldust with a pool cue and Funk is sent into a beer tub to end the show in wild fashion.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling really wasn’t the point here and it still made for a really awesome show. Obviously the Funk/Austin interaction was the one that really stood out here, but the whole aura of the show was so different. After years in the New Generation, this show had some energy and edge. That’s not something that was common back in the day but it worked here. Check out that Funk/Austin bit for sure, as it’s two masters going at it in a great segment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 30, 1996
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 6,855
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

It’s the last show of the year and we are closing in on the Royal Rumble. In this case that means we have a live show to close out 1996, which should be a decent one. Shawn Michaels is still after the WWF Title and Sid, but he doesn’t think much of Bret Hart either. I’m sure nothing will come of that so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Michaels and Hart’s recent issues, including at It’s Time.

Hart wants to see Michaels face to face.

Michaels says Hart is out of excuses.

Opening sequence.

Faarooq/Steve Austin vs. Jesse Jammes/Savio Vega

Hold on though as Austin jumps Jammes in the aisle (apparently not a fan of his singing). Vega slugs away at Austin and is willing to go it alone but can only get so far. Faarooq plants him with a spinebuster but walks into the spinwheel kick as we see Hart watching in the back. Austin stomps away in the corner and hits a running clothesline for two. Vega fights up again and rolls over for the tag to Jammes, who has managed to get back to his feet (if that wasn’t clear).

Jammes gets knocked out to the floor and Austin beats him up even worse, apparently injuring him. Cue Hart in street clothes to take Jammes’ place (which apparently he can just do) as we take a break. We come back with Faarooq holding Vega in a chinlock as Jammes has been taken to the back. Austin comes in for his own chinlock and cuts off the comeback with a shot to the face.

Faarooq plants Vega for two more and then does his cannonballs down onto Vega’s back. Vega manages to reverse into an electric chair and Hart comes in to clean house. The Sharpshooter is loaded up on Faarooq but the Nation Of Domination comes in for the DQ at 13:30.

Rating: C. Well it was kind of a mess, but it felt like another case of “hey, you need to keep watching to see what is going on”. That’s a nice thing to see after so much dull stuff, though that doesn’t really mean this was good. Hart was only involved at the end and the DQ saved Faarooq, who needs something to do at the moment.

Post match the beatdown is on but Ahmed Johnson, in some very striped pants, makes the save.

Intercontinental Title: Flash Funk vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Funk, with the Funkettes, is challenging. We get a pre-match interview from Helmsley, who says Goldust doesn’t deserve to be in the same ring as him. He’ll be showing Marlena what a real man does. Speaking of Goldust and Marlena, here they are to watch in the crowd, just like last week. Helmsley jumps him to start but Funk takes him with a quick rollup.

A backdrop and right hand have Helmsley in more trouble but he ducks a spinning crossbody. Helmsley sends him outside as Goldust and Marlena don’t look impressed. Back in and Helmsley stomps away before grabbing the reverse chinlock. We take a break and come back with Funk hiptossing his way out of an abdominal stretch but getting suplexed down.

A middle rope fist drop gives Helmsley two and he knocks Funk outside again. Back in and Funk grabs a belly to back suplex so Jerry Lawler gets off commentary to mock Goldust. Funk connects with a moonsault for two so he goes to yell at Lawler. That’s enough for Helmsley to get in a belt shot for the win at 12:13.

Rating: C+. Another nice win for Helmsley here, as he’s getting protected more often than not. What matters the most is that he is getting a nice boost and becoming a bigger deal. There are wrestlers who want the title and that’s only going to make the championship feel that much more important. Keep doing that kind of thing and see where it goes.

Post match Funk beats Helmsley up and crushes him with a 450.

Here are Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels for a face to face chat. Jim Ross brings up that Hart is facing Vader next week, with Michaels saying that he’ll be on commentary. Michaels mocks the idea of getting the first question, saying “the almighty” Hart can go first. Hart says that attitude is what he finds disrespectful. When Jose Lothario cost Michaels the WWF Title, he apologized the next day. When Michaels cost Hart the title at It’s Time, there was no apology at all.

Hart brings up the Playgirl shoot and suggests it doesn’t have much of a female audience. So whose man is Michaels? That’s enough for Michaels to take off his jacket as Hart threatens to kick his “a**”. Cue Sid, who wants competition, so cue the Undertaker. Vader comes out to jump Undertaker from behind but it’s broken up, with Undertaker stalking Vader to the back. Sid and Michaels get into it as well and Pat Patterson, with that amazing sweater, tries to break it up.

Goldust vs. Jerry Lawler

Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Honky Tonk Man are on commentary. We’re joined in progress with Helmsley distracting Goldust so Lawler can get in a cheap shot from behind. Lawler chokes away on the ropes but Goldust fights up with a running clothesline. Helmsley gets up to kidnap Marlena but Marc Mero cuts them off. This leads to a big crash and the countout at 2:49.

Marlena is hurt to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Definitely a somewhat better show this week, with the focus being more on the titles. If the WWF and Intercontinental Titles are treated as a bigger deal, the whole show is going to feel more important. That’s what we need to be seeing here, especially with the Royal Rumble coming up so soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 23, 1996
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Kevin Kelly

We’re done with Mind Games and the only thing that mattered at the show was the instant classic main event, with Shawn Michaels retaining the WWF Title over Mankind. Other than that, the big story here is Jim Ross promising that Razor Ramon and Diesel will be here. However, Gorilla Monsoon made it clear that it will NOT be Kevin Nash and Diesel. Nothing good can come from this so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a quick still of Razor Ramon and Diesel attacking Savio Vega at Mind Games.

Intercontinental Title: Marc Mero vs. Faarooq

For the vacant title, Sable is here with Mero, Sunny is here with Faarooq, Mr. Perfect is on commentary and Pat Patterson is guest referee. Faarooq jumps him to start fast but Mero is right back up with a dropkick. A clothesline puts Faarooq on the floor and the big running flip dive takes him down again. Back in and the Merosault gets two but Faarooq knocks him off into the barricade.

Ahmed Johnson calls in to swear vengeance on Faarooq, who gets two off a powerslam. A super fall away slam gets two more on Mero and Sunny gets in a choke, which is enough for an ejection. We take a break and come back with Mero reversing a Dominator attempt into a backslide for two of his own. Faarooq pulls him into a chinlock before going more simple with a knee to the ribs. The chinlock goes on again as Jim Ross promises to EXPOSE JEFF JARRETT tonight. I’ll spare you the obvious jokes as Ross again promises Diesel and Razor Ramon.

Mero’s comeback doesn’t work but he catches Faarooq on top with a super hurricanrana. A double clothesline leaves both of them down, with Ross explaining that the one with the more body weight, will have the advantage due to their clothesline being harder. That makes sense. Sunny comes back out and gets in a fight with Sable, allowing Mero to grab Sunny’s purse. A shot to the head sets up the Wild Thing for the pin and the title at 14:51.

Rating: C+. As has been the case throughout this tournament, Mero’s stuff was good while Faarooq was just dull. The idea was that Faarooq thought the title was his from the start so he was a big arrogant, which allowed Mero to slip in and win. The Wild Thing looked good as always, and unlike at Summerslam, it actually won a match.

Post match Mable thanks Sable and Mr. Perfect.

Razor Ramon and Diesel have their own dressing room.

We look back at Shawn Michaels beating Jeff Jarrett last July at In Your House. That same night, Jarrett sang a song….or did he?

Marc Mero celebrates with a bunch of other wrestlers.

We look at Jeff Jarrett allegedly singing at In Your House (again, last July) but then he left before finding out that he wasn’t really singing. Next week, the REAL singer will be here.

British Bulldog/Owen Hart vs. Bodydonnas

Non-title and Clarence Mason is on commentary. Hart runs Zip over to start and gets a front facelock…and we pause because “a local Philadelphia wrestling outfit” gets a wrestler over the barricade with a SABU FEARS TAZ sign (yes it’s Taz). We take a break and come back with Skip hammerlocking Bulldog, who breaks out of it rather quickly. A headscissors drops Hart but Skip misses a spinning crossbody.

Jim Cornette pops up in a split screen to rant about Mason stealing his team (which he did last night with a sneaky contract). After those promises of revenge, Zip hits a gutwrench powerbomb and a rocket launcher gets two on Hart. That doesn’t seem to do much as Hart is right back with a Sharpshooter to make Skip give up at 7:52.

Rating: C. As usual, the match was somewhat ignored to talk about something else. That’s not a good way to go, but at least in this case it was related to what was going on. Cornette vs. Mason is hardly thrilling stuff, though it’s not like the WWF has much else to brag about at the moment. Hart and Bulldog feel like good champions though, and that is something the division could always use.

We look at some stills of Mankind vs. Shawn Michaels, with Undertaker popping out of the coffin in a great moment.

Undertaker is back but promises that the scar of betrayal will never go away. Last night, Mankind and Paul Bearer saw what he will do and now he will bury Mankind alive. At Buried Alive.

Dok Hendrix is thrown out of Razor Ramon and Diesel’s dressing room, with Jim Ross saying that is HIS interview.

The Stalker vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Steve Austin is on commentary and rants about Bret Hart. Stalker starts in on the arm and grabs a hammerlock slam. Helmsley gets in a kick to the ribs and sends him outside as Mr. Perfect comes out to watch. Stalker manages a belly to back suplex and we take a fairly early break.

We come back with Helmsley hammering away in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Stalker gets up and hits a hard clothesline, followed by a slightly delayed suplex. Perfect manages to steal Helmsley’s valet (again) and the distraction lets Stalker hit the superplex for the pin at 11:18.

Rating: C-. Yeah Stalker isn’t exactly working, and what else were they expecting? Barry Windham can wrestle with anyone, but he’s in some weird hunter deal and it’s not working in the slightest. Again: just let him be himself and see if he can get over. It’s better than this dead end gimmick that isn’t helping him whatsoever.

Jim Ross is in the ring for the Razor Ramon/Diesel return but we cut to Mankind and Paul Bearer in the graveyard, saying they’re in for the Buried Alive match. They don’t see it going well for Undertaker.

Back in the ring and….hold on as we need to take a break.

Post break, Ross goes on a rant about how he has no loyalty to this company because he is only loyal to himself. Toss left a job with the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons but came here and he was given a toga to wear at Wrestlemania IX. Then he carried the 1993 King Of The Ring but he was taken off television.

He came down with a condition of Bell’s Palsy and Vince McMahon fired him. Ross wasn’t sure how to tell his family about it, but then they called him back to work in the front office for fifty cents on the dollar. He’s been in charge of bring in various wrestlers and that’s what he’s going to do now, with Razor Ramon.

We go to a wide shot and you can already tell that it’s not Hall (which granted is what they said last week) but rather independent name Rick Bognar, who looks a bit like Ramon, but more like someone doing a Ramon impression. The fans boo and commentary asks if Ross is trying to embarrass the WWF (no, as that would be whomever booked this). Savio Vega runs in to take out Ramon to end the show.

There is so much wrong with this, I don’t know where to start. First of all, it’s dumb. Like, incredibly dumb. The point here is that Ross was mad about being fired and disrespected so he’s apparently trying to embarrass the company by bringing in a pair of “lookalikes” to annoy the fans. As dumb as that is, it doesn’t quite work when he just revealed/reminded us that Vince McMahon owns the company, but he still allowed this on his show. How is it embarrassing if it was allowed?

On top of that (maybe) is the fact that it’s not interesting. As has been the case for years, fans don’t seem overly impressed by storylines involving announcers. Why should I care that Ross is mad at McMahon for what he did to him a few years ago? Ross is calling Raw and apparently helping with the roster. That’s all I really need to know, because otherwise…well, who cares? In addition to this just being dumb, it’s not a story that I would want to see, which is where it continues to fall apart.

Having Ross out there ranting and raving about behind the scenes stuff was dumb enough, but then to have him do something he knew was bad to embarrass his employers was even dumber. So he’s just been sitting there harboring all of these issues for years and this is his master plan? It’s a terrible story with a worse premise and an all time bad payoff, but I’m sure this will be it and it won’t be something that just keeps going.

Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling itself is ok at best, but then everything falls apart. On top of all that though, you have the Ross story and wow it’s actually worse than I remember. It’s not funny, it’s not interesting and it’s about a bunch of stuff that no one but the people involved are likely to care about. This is what they were putting up against the NWO and it’s no wonder everything was falling apart.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 16, 1996
Location: Wheeling Civic Center, Wheeling, West Virginia
Attendance: 4,903
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the last Raw before Mind Games and the big story is of course Mankind challenging Shawn Michaels for the WWF Title. Other than that, Goldust and the Undertaker are having a Final Curtain match, which doesn’t sound overly interesting. Finally there’s the Intercontinental Title tournament, which is only so special in the first place. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at the tournament, with the semifinals tonight. Plus Razor Ramon, Diesel and Bret Hart might be returning.

Opening sequence.

Jake Roberts chases Jerry Lawler off commentary to start really fast.

Jake Roberts vs. The Sultan

This is Sultan’s debut and he has Bob Backlund and Iron Sheik with him. Backlund sits in on commentary and praises Sultan and Sheik but doesn’t want to be bothered tonight. Sultan hammers away in the corner and the threat of a DDT is quickly escaped. Roberts keeps glaring at Lawler though, leaving Lawler to suggest Roberts is drunk. Lawler offers another distraction though and Sultan gets the camel clutch for the win at 3:05.

Rating: D+. The Roberts vs. Lawler feud is pretty horrible to say the least and that’s not just due to the pretty horrible subject matter. At the same time, you have the Sultan, who would have felt dated fifteen years before this, coming in and having a dull match. As usual, it doesn’t help to see someone’s debut lose its focus to another feud, which should tell you what to expect from the Sultan.

Post match Backlund is in a bit of a trance at the sight of the camel clutch.

Owen Hart, Brian Pillman, and now Steve Austin are looking forward to Bret Hart’s return at Mind Games. Jim Ross thinks something is afoot.

Bob Holly/Alex Porteau vs. Smoking Gunns

Non-title and Sunny is here with the Gunns. Billy gets knocked outside to start as Camp Cornette comes out to watch. Bart cuts off Porteau with a raised boot in the corner as commentary, again, talks about everything they can think of outside of the match. Bart knocks Porteau down again but pulls him up at two before handing it back to Billy. Camp Cornette’s distraction lets Porteau get a small package for two and it’s back to Holly to clean house. That’s cut off and the Sidewinder connects but Camp Cornette offers a distraction. Holly rolls Billy up for the fluke pin at 5:47.

Rating: C. This was more about advancing Camp Cornette vs. the Gunns and that’s not a terrible idea. I’m not sure which of the two I’m supposed to cheer for, but Holly and Porteau stealing a fluke win is a good way to give the title feud some more steam. It’s not like Holly and Porteau are going to mean anything, but I’ll take this for a little change of pace.

WWF President Gorilla Monsoon makes it clear that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall will NOT be here next week because they are under contract to another company. That sounds like covering themselves from a potential lawsuit.

Here is Jim Cornette, with Vader, for a public workout before hit match against Jose Lothario. Vader has been coaching him recently so he has wrestler Tony Williams here for an exhibition. Cornette does some basic stuff but Williams keeps reversing them and even works on the leg. That’s enough for Cornette to send Vader after him and Williams gets tied up in the ropes for yelling and slapping. You knew what this was going to be.

Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. Marc Mero

Sable is here with Mero and Pat Patterson (who will be refereeing the finals) is on commentary. Patterson also confirms that Razor Ramon and Diesel will be here next week. Mero starts in on the arm and gets Hart down into an armbar. That works so well that Mero does it again but Hart fights out and hits a spinwheel kick. The chinlock keeps Mero down as Gorilla Monsoon pops in to again say that Jim Ross is wrong and that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall will NOT be here next week. Ross insists that he’s right and that Razor Ramon and Diesel (note the difference) will be here next week.

Hart knocks him down again and we hit another chinlock. This time Mero suplexes his way to freedom but Hart knocks him outside. Ross goes on a rant about how Hart’s wrist is fine and the cast he has been wearing is completely unnecessary as we take a break. We come back with Mero fighting back, including sending Hart outside for a running flip dive. Back up and they collide so Hart takes the cast off to knock Mero silly…for two. Hart argues with the referee, allowing Mero to get in a cast shot of his own for the pin at 9:26.

Rating: C+. The match was what you would have expected from these two and Mero gets a win (albeit a screwy one, with the referee again somehow not seeing the obvious shot), but the commentary brought it back down. This stuff with Ross about Ramon and Diesel is killing the show, as not only is it not that interesting, but Ross’ rants are derailing everything going on. Just shut up about it already and save that nonsense for in between the matches, because otherwise it’s one heck of a distraction.

We look at the recent tour of South Africa. During the tour, Bret Hart wrestled what might have been his final match and he calls Brian Pillman and Owen Hart liars because he has not agreed to be at Mind Games. He isn’t sure about his future in the WWF and he hasn’t made up his mind yet.

Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinals: Sycho Sid vs. Faarooq

Sunny is here with Faarooq, who actually knocks Sid down to start. A powerslam does it again but Sid is right back up with a knockdown of his own. Faarooq gets a belly to back suplex for two and we go to a split screen to hear Ahmed Johnson swear revenge when he gets back. The chinlock goes on as Jim Ross is STILL going on about Razor Ramon and Diesel being here next week.

Faarooq goes up but dives into a powerslam for two, leaving both of them down. Faarooq misses a sitdown splash to the back and we take a break. We come back with Sid slipping out of the Dominator and hitting a chokeslam. That’s enough for Sunny to get on the apron for a distraction, allowing Faarooq to chair Sid down for two. Sid gets up and chairs Faarooq in the back so hard that he knocks him four feet across the ring (by that I mean there was a REALLY obvious edit and yeah apparently this was filmed twice) for the DQ at 10:29.

Rating: D+. There’s only so much you can get out of these two and that was fairly obvious coming in. Faarooq gets to go on to the finals, where he kind of had to be for the sake of the story, and Sid gets an out without losing before he goes into the main event scene in a few more weeks. Not a good match, but it was all they could have done.

Undertaker swears vengeance on Goldust but it’s just a stop on the way to Mankind and Paul Bearer.

We run down the Mind Games card.

Mankind and Paul Bearer are ready for Shawn Michaels. That will make Mankind the new sexy boy and women will want to rub his ear!

Overall Rating: D+. The tournament stuff is dull enough, but the bigger issue here is this Razor Ramon/Diesel nonsense, as it’s dragging down everything around it. Ross as a heel isn’t something that adds any positives to the show, especially when you already have Lawler as a heel commentator. As bad as it already is though, it’s only going to get worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 9, 1996
Location: Wheeling Civic Center, Wheeling, West Virginia
Attendance: 4,903
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re back to the regular Monday schedule and less than two weeks away from Mind Games. Therefore Mankind is already coming after Shawn Michaels and that isn’t going to end well. Other than that, Razor Ramon and Diesel are apparently on their way back to the WWF and I’m not looking forward to this. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We get a quick preview for the show.

Opening sequence.

Intercontinental Title Tournament First Round: Faarooq vs. Savio Vega

Sunny is here with Faarooq, who is still in his blue period here. A headbutt staggers Vega to start and a shoulder runs him down. Lawler won’t shut up about Sunny, at least until Faarooq cuts off a crossbody and throws him down in Sunny’s direction. The spinwheel kick gives Vega two but he walks into a spinebuster for two. A snap suplex gets two more and we take a break.

We come back with Faarooq holding a chinlock, with Sunny getting in some choking from the floor. Vega gets up and grabs a victory roll for two, only to get caught in another chinlock. Faarooq grinds away even more but misses a middle rope headbutt. Back up and Vega hits a running boot to the face, with the fans greatly approving. That’s cut off as well and the chinlock is right back on. Vega fights up again but gets caught with what would become known as the Dominator for the pin at 13:38.

Rating: C. Faarooq was not exactly lighting up the ring at this point and there wasn’t much that could be done about it. His look wasn’t helping him either, as the whole blue gladiator deal never worked. Vega’s better days were behind him too, making this far from the most interesting match.

Post match Sycho Sid, Faarooq’s opponent in the second round, comes out for the pull apart arguing.

Some wrestlers with Ahmed Johnson well. Some of them like the idea of hurting him even more though.

Here are Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario for a chat. Before Michaels talks about Mankind, he wants to talk about Camp Cornette. Michaels has taken out everyone in Camp Cornette except Cornette himself, but Lothario will deal with him at Mind Games. Lothario rants in Spanish a bit before Michaels moves on to Mankind. While Mankind has been running roughshod over the WWF, it all stops at Mind Games. Undertaker is going to deal with Paul Bearer and while Michaels might not be Mankind’s mommy, he’ll be his daddy. Don’t hunt what you can’t kill. Michaels liked that line.

The Stalker vs. TL Hopper

The Stalker is better known as Barry Windham and this is his first match in the WWF since 1989. We go split screen to talk to Owen Hart and Brian Pillman, who promise that Bret Hart will be back at Mind Games. Back to the match, Stalker hits a clothesline as Ross says that mentioning Razor Ramon and Diesel’s return has led to a snag in negotiations but they’re still coming. Stalker takes him into the corner and hits the superplex for the win at 3:29.

Rating: D+. The fact that this was Stalker’s big debut and they IMMEDIATELY went to the split screen and then commentary talked about everything else told you everything you needed to know about his future prospects. It doesn’t help that he was the Stalker rather than plain old Barry Windham, which would have been an upgrade. Rather lame debut, with neither side helping matters here as the match was nothing to see either.

We recap Mr. Perfect stealing Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s valets.

We recap Mark Henry agreeing to face Jerry Lawler at Summerslam.

Crush vs. Freddy Joe Floyd

Clarence Mason is here with Crush and sits in on commentary. Crush hammers him into the corner to start and then throws him back out of said corner. Make up your mind dude. A gorilla press and elbow get…nothing actually as Crush pulls him up. Floyd pulls the leg and hits a crossbody, only to get dropped onto the top rope. A big boot sets up the Heart Punch to finish Floyd at 2:40. Total squash.

We look at Bob Backlund bringing back the Iron Sheik. By that I mean we just show most of the segment.

Undertaker vs. Salvatore Sincere

Undertaker doesn’t have his usual entrance gear and, by his standards, hustles to the ring to start hammering away. Sincere gets planted in a hurry and Undertaker hammers away in the corner. Back up and Sincere gets in a few shots of his own, followed by some shoulders to the ribs. A clothesline gives Sincere two as the idea is Undertaker is banged up and distracted. Sincere gets two off a Russian legsweep as we get an insert interview from Goldust and Marlena, where they quote the Untouchables.

Sincere’s chinlock doesn’t last long and a side slam gets two. The chinlock goes on again and we actually take a break. We come back with Ross talking about Diesel and Razor Ramon progressing in their negotiations to return. Sincere knocks him down again but Undertaker pops up and hits the jumping clotheslines. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish for Undertaker at 9:57.

Rating: C-. So the idea here was that Undertaker was all ticked off and wrestling differently without Bearer….but it was Salvatore Sincere. There is no logical way under which it should take Undertaker about ten minutes to beat him. Even a half speed and distracted Undertaker should have been able to take him out in short order, but we got this for so long instead.

Overall Rating: C-. This tournament isn’t exactly must see television and some of the other stuff wasn’t much better. It’s just such a dead period for the company as the NWO is still white hot over in WCW and the WWF has absolutely nothing (outside of Mankind vs. Michaels, which sounds great) to counter. It feels like that is going to be the case for a long time to come and hopefully Raw can boost itself up a bit. Otherwise, we’re in for some rough television.

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Smackdown
Date: September 9, 1999
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 10,183
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re still on the way to Unforgiven and I’m not exactly sure what is going on with the show’s card. The main story seems to be focusing around the Tag Team Titles and maybe HHH vs. The Rock and Mankind, but tonight Rock and Mankind are defending against Big Show and Undertaker in a tag team Buried Alive match, because that’s a thing. Let’s get to it.

Here is Raw if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

We cut to the parking lot, where HHH and Chyna attack Kane (it’s so strange to see him in street clothes) until Big Show makes the save. Show gets dropped with a low blow and everyone leaves.

Here is Big Show to ask who is the top dog now. Yeah he fed Al Snow’s dog to him, because no one is crazier than he is. If he’s that crazy, then he’ll fight any dog in the back who wants the Hardcore Title.

Hardcore Title: Big Boss Man vs. British Bulldog

The Bulldog is challenging in his first appearance in two years and has a terrible remix of Rule Britannia. They immediately fight into the crowd, with Boss Man taking over. Back in the ring and Boss Man’s chair shot is blocked, allowing Bulldog to get in a nightstick shot to win the title.

Post match Al Snow, now as Leif Cassidy (dig that Rockers’ theme) comes to the ring and shoves the paper he wrote on Monday into Boss Man’s mouth. Bulldog hands the title to Snow and leaves as apparently we have another new champion.

Kane pours gasoline on HHH’s car. Post break, HHH and Chyna try to save the car but get covered in gas as well. They thankfully run off, with Kane giving chase.

Edge and Christian vs. New Brood

For some reason Steven Richards, dressed in an old Christian Gothic shirt, is here with Edge and Christian, while Gangrel is here with the New Brood. Matt runs Edge over to start but Edge snaps off a hurricanrana to even things up. Jeff comes in to anklescissors Christian down as commentary talks about how Steve Austin might be around tonight. Edge is sent outside though and Jeff scores with a big dive to take him down.

Back in and Matt hits a top rope Lionsault for no cover, instead opting to hammer away and take his shirt off. The Hardys’ flip splash/fist drop combination gets two but the top rope splash/legdrop combination completely misses. Christian comes back in and everything breaks down, with Poetry In Motion hitting Christian in the corner. Gangrel tries to come in but Richards cuts him off as Jeff accidentally clotheslines Matt on the floor. Back in and a side slam/reverse DDT combination gives Edge the pin on Jeff.

Rating: C+. As has been the case in recent weeks, Edge and Christian are really starting to feel it in the ring. At the same time, I’m not sure who looks at the Hardys and thinks it makes sense to have them be heels. They’re as much of the young stars who could have a gaggle of female fans around them as can be so let’s put him with the evil vampire? Anyway, nice match here, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

Post match the Bloodbath is loaded up but here is Kane to wreck a bunch of people instead. Kane grabs the mic and promises to burn HHH tonight.

British Bulldog won’t talk about what he did tonight and leaves the arena.

X-Pac arrives and is looking for Kane.

HHH promises to make Kane bleed and he’s got the sledgehammer to make it happen. He’s also got the title, and Kane can come get it.

Here is X-Pac for a chat and he gets right to the point by calling Kane to the ring. Tonight, Kane needs to get his mind right because he can be the WWF Champion, but he’s doing it without X-Pac. As we see Big Show and Undertaker watching in the back, X-Pac says Kane interfered last week when asked not to, so the team is over.

Some masked men, who are certainly NOT Chris Jericho and Howard Finkel, arrive while speaking Spanish.

Here are the Hollys, with Hardcore saying he wants a heavyweight fight. He wants some “googly eyed monkey” to come down here and get in this ring, as long as they meet the requirements. Cue Chyna of all people, but Hardcore isn’t sure about this. Even with the extra silicon included, she might make the requirements, but he isn’t facing a woman. Chyna hits him in the back with the scale and it seems that they are indeed fighting.

Hardcore Holly vs. Chyna

Crash Holly is here with Hardcore and gets knocked off the apron to start. Crash’s distraction lets Hardcore get in a shot but Chyna DDTs him down. Cue Jeff Jarrett to jump Chyna for the DQ.

Post match Billy Gunn runs in for the save. Then he gives Chyna the Fameasser. Then the Hollys fight again, as is their custom.

X-Pac leaves.

Kane broods.

The Rock and Mankind arrive, with Mankind seemingly not liking having to ride in the trunk of Rock’s limo. Also, it doesn’t matter what Mankind thinks of his new shirt. Mankind: “I gotta steal that one sometime.”

Bradshaw vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Faarooq and D-Von Dudley are here too. They start fighting (duh) and go to the floor without much trouble. Bubba sends him into the steps to take over but Bradshaw kicks him in the face back inside. The big clothesline drops Bubba as commentary tries to figure out why he has such a speech impediment. D-Von comes in for the fast DQ.

Big Boss Man is livid at Al Snow.

Here are Test and Stephanie McMahon for a chat. Stephanie calls out Linda McMahon and the Stooges for a special announcement, so here they are post haste. Apparently Stephanie and “Andrew” (still weird to hear) have set their wedding date for October 11, and all of the fans are invited (So do they get a ticket to the show?). Cue the Mean Street Posse and Terri Runnels to interrupt for a staredown, but Stephanie isn’t having that.

Cue Shane McMahon to call off the Posse, because the war with Test is over. With the Posse gone, Shane talks about how he owes Stephanie an apology, because she is a woman and not a baby anymore. He thought everything he was doing was the right thing but he was wrong. Go with his blessing and marry Andrew, but he better always do the right thing and treat her right. Test shakes his hand and Shane hugs Stephanie. Well that was sudden.

The Rock, with Mankind, seems to flirt with Lilian Garcia, before sending her away. They’re ready to bury Big Show and Undertaker tonight. Mankind likes it as well, to the tune of Stayin Alive.

WWF Title: HHH vs. Kane

HHH, with Chyna (with sledgehammer), is defending. Kane (in the swanky inverted red and black gear) comes out with a blowtorch, which can’t end well. HHH and Chyna jump him as he enters but Kane clotheslines his way to freedom. Some right hands put HHH down in the corner and a clothesline lets Kane hammer away even more.

HHH gets in a single shot but dives into a choke, only to have Chyna say she can talk to X-Pac for Kane. The distraction lets HHH get in a low blow, followed by the jumping knee for two. Kane starts fighting up and hits a bulldog of all things, setting up the top rope clothesline. The facebuster cuts Kane off but the Pedigree is countered with a backdrop. The chokeslam connects but Chyna gets in a sledgehammer shot from behind. That’s enough for a Pedigree to retain the title.

Rating: B-. There were some shenanigans here, but some interference from a manager and a sledgehammer shot (which granted does sound rather ridiculous when you say it out loud) is rather minor by comparison. Kane is a star who can be put in a spot like this to make a top villain sweat and that is what he was here. HHH racks up another pin over another former World Champion though and that’s a good idea for his title reigns.

Post match here are Undertaker and Kane to chase off Chyna and HHH, followed by a stare at Kane.

Ken Shamrock is looking for Chris Jericho. You might try the ring as you have a scheduled match.

Ken Shamrock vs. Chris Jericho

Hold on though as there is no Jericho, so Shamrock has to threaten to come to the back and drag him out here. Shamrock goes up the ramp but Jericho’s music starts playing. Cue Jericho in the ring….in a shark cage, which is for Shamrock’s safety. Jericho shows us a photo of him putting Shamrock in the Walls last week but Shamrock takes the baseball bat that Jericho is carrying. Jericho calls for “Harold” to raise the cage, but we see the Fink arguing with Lilian Garcia in the back. Shamrock bends the cage bars open and pulls Jericho out, meaning the beating is on. Referees break it up and Jericho bails as there is no match.

During the break, Jericho fired Finkel and left without him.

Here is Jeff Jarrett, with Debra and Miss Kitty, for a chat. Jarrett says he is embarrassed to be in the ring with Chyna at Unforgiven, because women belong in the kitchen. He sees Fabulous Moolah in the front row so let’s have her get in the ring. Jarrett talks about how Moolah knew her place in her career and wouldn’t fight the men, but Moolah says it’s because they were scared of her. That’s good for a guitar shot to the head so Mae Young runs in as well, earning herself a Figure Four.

We get the debut of Val Venis’ latest video, where he talks about how unlike Steve Blackman, he doesn’t use instruments of pain. The woman next to him looks rather confused for most of this.

Tag Team Titles: Mankind/The Rock vs. Big Show/Undertaker

Rock and Mankind are defending in a Buried Alive match. Mankind goes after both of them at once before Rock shows up, as Mankind isn’t all that bright. Here’s the Rock to go after Undertaker, who gets sent face first into the steps. Back in (with Cole’s second “here comes the cavalry” in about a minute) and a double clothesline drops Show, but Undertaker breaks up the People’s Elbow.

That leaves Show to chokeslam Mankind and carry him to the grave as Rock hits Undertaker with a chair. Mankind is almost in the grave when Rock comes up with a low blow to put Show in instead. Undertaker makes the save but gets punched down the mound of dirt. With Rock and Undertaker fighting off, Show LAUNCHES Mankind off the stage and onto the mound, sending him bouncing into the grave (I’ve seen that for years now and it’s still an amazing sight).

Since that’s a huge spot, Mankind comes up with Mr. Socko to knock Show out and put him in the grave instead. Mankind starts pouring in the dirt and we cut to Rock and Undertaker fighting in the back. Cue HHH to jump Rock so Undertaker leaves them to it. Kane comes in to beat up HHH and then shrugs off Chyna’s chair to the back.

Undertaker is back in the arena and there’s a shovel to Mankind’s back to put him in the grave….but he pops right back out. Show smothers him down on the ground and goes to bury him until Rock makes a save this time. Then it’s HHH out with a sledgehammer to….Show, allowing him to bury Mankind. After several shovels full, the referee calls it and Show/Undertaker win the titles.

Rating: B-. This was such a weird match as it felt like a game show more than a fight. The Mankind toss was awesome (he was AIRBORNE) but other than that it was a bunch of saves from putting someone in a grave and covering them with dirt. There is only so much you can get out of that because it is such an insane (and messy) match, but it kept my interest.

Post match HHH buries Mankind even more as an ambulance arrives…..and Steve Austin is in the back. The big beatdown is on and Austin throws HHH in the back of the ambulance. Austin drives it outside and jumps into the cab of a semi truck to ram the ambulance (So that’s where Hogan got the idea for Rock in 2002.) a few times to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. These shows are all over the place with such a big collection of insanity that it can be difficult to remember what happens. That being said, this show had me wanting to see what was next and the insanity was limited. They still need to announce something for Unforgiven already, but you can probably figure out where a lot of this is going. Just come up with a main story already instead of everyone going after HHH, who is going after a bunch of people as well. For now though, nice Smackdown, with Austin being back being a big pickup.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 18, 1996
Location: New Haven Coliseum, New Haven, Connecticut
Attendance: 4,968
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

It’s the night after Survivor Series and there is a lot to unpack. First of all, Sid is the new WWF Champion (somehow the first major singles title of his career), having hit Shawn Michaels with a camera to win the title. Other than that, Bret Hart beat Steve Austin in a classic to give Austin something else to get mad over. To cap it off, Rocky Maivia made his in-ring debut, because the show didn’t have enough going on. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Steve Austin vs. Mankind

This is billed as a Toughman Contest, which seems to mean anything goes. It was also supposed to be Vader vs. Austin but Vader was hurt so we get what should be an upgrade. Mankind jumps him in the aisle to start fast with Mankind knocking Austin down, leaving Austin’s eyes bugging out (possibly at the fan sign which clearly has an F bomb). Austin gets whipped hard into the steps as we’re still waiting on the bell to ring.

They get inside for the opening bell and Austin hammers away in the corner with the style that made him famous. Some ax handles off the apron rock Mankind again but he posts Austin for a breather. Back in and Austin hits a heck of a clothesline before hammering away again. They go outside again with Austin whipping him HARD over the barricade but Mankind gets the Mandible Claw back inside. Austin kicks him low to escape and we take a break.

Back with Mankind dropping an apron legdrop and sending Austin throat first into the barricade. They get back in again where Mankind snaps off a neckbreaker. Austin’s sleeper is broken up and Mankind blasts him with another clothesline. Mankind goes up but gets pulled back down and choked on the mat. They’re already back on the floor with Austin taking over, setting up the middle rope elbow back inside. Mankind is in trouble but here is the Executioner to jump Austin for the DQ at 11:18.

Rating: B+. This was GREAT and one of the best fights you’ll ever see on Raw. They didn’t bother with wrestling and just beat the living daylights out of each other for a while. It felt like a match two years ahead of its time as you would absolutely believe this belonged in the heart of the Attitude Era. This was physical and violent, but above all else, it is the kind of match that would get your attention fast, which is what Raw needed.

Post match Undertaker runs in for the save but Austin clotheslines him out for a bonus.

Video on Survivor Series.

The suspended Ahmed Johnson is in the crowd.

Here is Sunny to introduce Faarooq, complete with PG-13 handling the rap.

Faarooq vs. Savio Vega

Vega hammers away in the corner to start and monkey flips Faarooq out of another corner. Sunny joins commentary (Lawler approves) as Faarooq fights out of a hammerlock. A hard whip into the corner rocks Vega again and there’s a belly to back as we take a break. Back with Vega in a reverse chinlock and Johnson, uh, watching the match from the crowd.

Vega suplexes his way out of trouble again and gets two off a small package. An elbow misses for Vega but he crotches Faarooq on top. They fall off the top and out to the floor and thankfully are fine enough for Vega to land a spinwheel kick. Vega misses a charge so PG13 goes after him, allowing Faarooq to get the easy pin at 11:15.

Rating: C. They got a bit more time than they needed here but what mattered was a pretty nice back and forth match. Faarooq was still rather mobile at this point and could do the power stuff, but he was stuff dealing with Johnson for such a long time. Not a bad match at all though, which shouldn’t be a surprise given the talent in there.

Post match Johnson runs in with his 2×4 to clear the ring. Johnson is livid with Faarooq and swears revenge. We get Johnson’s YOU’RE GOING DOWN chant and you can feel the charisma. If he could stay healthy for more than eighteen minutes at a time, the potential was right there.

Sunny beats Bob Backlund at Karate Fighters.

Sid is waiting to talk to Jim Ross.

Vince McMahon talks about Sid turning full heel by hitting Jose Lothario with a TV camera to win the WWF Title. Vince makes it sound like Sid set a bus full of puppies on fire and praises Shawn’s title reign. It turns into an almost weird praising of Michaels and the title reign, with Vince promising that Michaels will be back. This was just weird, as Vince was making it sound like Shawn was either dead or at least horribly injured.

Bob Holly/Leif Cassidy vs. Doug furnas/Philip LaFon

Captain Lou Albano wanders out to do….Spanish commentary? LaFon and Cassidy start things off with LaFon taking him down into an armbar. That’s broken up so Cassidy misses a kick to the face, earning a knock out to the floor. Back in and we go split screen, with Owen Hart and British Bulldog not wanting to hear about Furnas and LaFon. Cassidy comes back in and blasts LaFon in the back of the head with a clothesline as we take a break.

We come back with Cassidy hitting a dropkick as commentary talks about baseball contracts. LaFon gets over to Furnas for the tag and house is cleaned in a hurry. A dropkick gives Furnas two and a Frankensteiner get the same, with Cassidy having to make the save. Cassidy’s dragon suplex gets two on LaFon so he tries it again, only to get reversed into a cobra clutch suplex to give LaFon the pin at 9:04.

Rating: C. You could see the different style from Furnas and LaFon here and that is the kind of thing that the company needed to try at this point. The problem is that they were hardly the most interesting team and that showed here. This was two dull teams having a pretty hard hitting match with a nasty looking finish. It worked, but only so much.

Here is Sid for his first appearance as WWF Champion (the title does look good on him) with Jim Ross handling the interview. Ross says that Sid is the man and it is his time, but does he have any regrets of how he won the title? Sid says that he doesn’t, because Jose Lothario made the mistake of getting involved. Sure Shawn Michaels can have a rematch because Sid can beat him again. There are challengers lining up, starting with Bret Hart at In Your House on December 15. Sid is ready and promises to keep the title, setting up his awesome pyro to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The opener is great and the rest is just ok, but the biggest change here is things felt more aggressive. We are still a pretty far cry away from the full on Attitude Era, but you could feel that things are changing. Austin is leading the charge but there are more than enough others to back him up. The opener is absolutely worth seeing, if nothing else because of what it could mean for the show’s future.

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Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’m scared to think how many of those tickets were freebies. This is the annual requested redo and I’m not sure what to expect going into it. Well I am as I’ve seen the show multiple times but it’s been awhile. The main event is of course Shawn Michaels vs. Sid II because we need the big hometown moment. Those actually existed back in 1997. Let’s get to it.

As you might expect, the opening video is all about Shawn because it’s 1997. The title win at Wrestlemania was nice at all but his defining moment came at Survivor Series when he showed compassion for Jose Lothario instead of trying to retain the title. Well to be fair that would be defining as it meant Shawn actually lost a title match instead of vacating the title so maybe they’re on to something.

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

This is one of my least favorite matches ever. Helmsley is defending against a freshly face Goldust. Basically everyone thought Goldust was gay but he confirmed that he wasn’t, which sent HHH after Marlena for some reason. Mr. Hughes makes his debut as HHH’s short lived bodyguard/butler which is code for bodyguard/Chyna is on the way.

Goldust jumps him in the aisle and hammers away in the corner until a quick atomic drop gets us to even. A catapult sends HHH outside as the crowd is really, really quiet here. I’m not sure if it’s the place being huge or the fans being bored but it’s not working so far. Goldust sends him into the steps, causing JR to suggest we might get a DQ. I mean, we probably won’t this early but points for doing your job.

They keep using the steps with HHH bouncing off them and now Lawler thinks it should be a DQ. Vince talks about some fans who had been trying to talk to Shawn for weeks being thrown out of the building. That’s one of those things that doesn’t really hold up over time as they just gloss over it and expect us to know what he’s talking about. It makes sense at the time but there are probably better things to talk about during a title match on pay per view.

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

The referee FINALLY does something by taking away the director’s chair before HHH can swing it (Lawler: “Why didn’t you do something about those stairs earlier?”) and they head back in. The match is so boring that we actually cut over to an interview with a country singer in the audience. That’s getting up there on the all time boredom scale and the dead crowd seems to agree.

HHH misses the kneedrop and hurts his leg again in the process but he’s still able to roll away from a Macho Elbow. Hughes, likely as bored as the rest of us, throws in the title but HHH would rather kiss Marlena. That earns him a belt shot to the head, only to have Hughes pull HHH out at two. Of course that’s not a DQ so Goldust goes after Hughes, setting up the Pedigree for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: F+. Oh yeah this is still bad and still one of the worst matches I can ever remember to open the show. It’s too long, too boring and completely uninteresting. This really needed to have about seven minutes chopped off and far less using the steps. I dread this match every time I watch the show and that hasn’t changed a bit.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Mankind talks about the Rumble being a chance to hurt a lot of people that he doesn’t like as well as some that he does. It’s going to be a very nice day.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Faarooq injured Johnson back in 1996 and it’s finally time for the grudge match in a feud that felt like it went on for the better part of forever. There are at least ten members of the Nation of Domination here, including a few actors who exist for the sole purpose of making the group bigger. As you might expect, Ahmed erupts to start and beats Faarooq down in the corner before sending him into the post. Where’s the OUTRAGE from the announcers over this blatant breaking of the rules?

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

It’s off to the very logical reverse chinlock but Faarooq does the very stupid posing, allowing an electric chair to put him down. Faarooq comes right back with a spinebuster though, which JR calls a physical catch instead of a fair catch. Uh, right Jim. Ahmed pops up again and hits one of his own, meaning it’s time for the Nation to come in for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. Still not great but WAY better than the first, at least partially because it’s half the length of the opener. Johnson vs. Faarooq needed to be some big wild brawl, or maybe Johnson finding some partners to help him fight off the team. Like say the Legion of Doom in Chicago in a street fight. But for some reason the feud just kept going after that, which is probably why this feud isn’t the most fondly remembered.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Terry Funk thinks he can win because we’re in Texas. Nah, just one of those per show dude. Besides, Goldust is from Austin and look at what he got. Or don’t look actually as it’s too horrible for words. Or reviews for that matter.

Faarooq says he’ll take care of Ahmed in the Rumble because Johnson is an “Uncle Tom”.

Vader vs. Undertaker

There’s not much of a story here save for some back and forth attacks. We get the big long Undertaker entrance and as usual it looks amazing in the big stadium. They slug it out to start with Undertaker doing the sit up off a clothesline. The standing splash gets the exact same reaction and Vader is looking a bit worried.

The fight heads outside with Undertaker getting the better of it but Vader drops him ribs first across the top rope to take over again. Undertaker gets in a slam followed by a legdrop, which JR says is like no one has ever done. I’m sure that’s certainly not meant as a jab at anyone in particular second cousin twice removed.

Old School is broken up which JR says means Vader had it well scouted. Or Vader was smart enough to do ANYTHING when Undertaker was off balance and distracted? And now, let’s go INTERVIEW A FAN WHO SAVED UP TO COME TO THE SHOW. Lawler rips on Pettengill for wasting our time like that (amen brother) while Vader was pounding Undertaker about the head and shoulders (the body parts, not the shampoo).

We hit the lame nerve hold for a bit until Undertaker suplexes his way to freedom, leaving both guys down. Vader is up first and goes to the middle rope, only to dive into a powerslam. That would be a lot more impressive if Ahmed hadn’t done the EXACT SAME THING, even from the same corner, to Faarooq in the previous match.

Vader’s powerbomb gets two but Old School drops him again….and here’s Paul Bearer. Undertaker gets in a chokeslam but makes the mistake of going after Paul. Vader tries for a save and avoids a dive off the steps, sending Undertaker ribs first into the barricade. Bearer adds an urn shot and it’s the Vader Bomb to put Undertaker away.

Rating: C-. I’m a fan of Undertaker slugging away at a monster so this was more entertaining than it probably should have been. Vader was in something close to a free fall after losing to Shawn at Summerslam so this was more of a comeback win than anything else. Undertaker vs. Bearer would continue for a very long time.

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Austin says he isn’t talking with anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog is going to win because he’s bizarre. Yes, bizarre.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

This is a AAA match because the company was willing to try ANYTHING to get people interested, including these guys that 99% of fans have never heard of before. I’ll do my best to have any idea who these people are and what’s going on here but bear with me. Estrada and Heavy Metal (who Vince things is Estrada) start things off do a technical sequence to start before it’s off to the ancient looking Aguayo vs. the very feathery looking Estrada.

The crowd is just GONE for this one as Canek’s middle rope crossbody gets on Guerrera. Fuerza misses a top rope crane kick Swanton (that’s an odd one) so Canek gets an easy two. Heavy Metal does a Tajiri handspring but stumbles through the elbow to drop Garza. Things speed up a bit but they still seem a few steps off to keep this from getting, you know, good.

We hit a stalemate and that means it’s time to shake hands and bring in Estrada and Canek. They start running the ropes but WAIT! Time for more tags. Metal avoids a Figure Four and we get down to a bit of a traditional tag formula with the focus on Metal’s leg. Guerrera tries to make a save but dropkicks Metal by mistake and everything breaks down. Garza gets in his corkscrew plancha and Aguayo’s top rope double stomp to the arm (meant to be ribs) finally ends Metal.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying something different here but this didn’t work for me. The wrestling wasn’t great here and I really have no idea who these people are. It was a nice try at something new and when you’re in the depths that the company was in at this point it’s worth the shot but this was a big miss.

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals here and it’s Crush in at #1 and Ahmed in at #2. JR says Ahmed has a minute and a half to do whatever he wants to Crush. So Crush is stuck with his arms behind his back and isn’t allowed to fight back? They fight to the mat and the clock messes up so it’s Fake Razor Ramon in at #3, earning one heck of a booing. Thankfully Ahmed gets rid of the clown in about ten seconds but Faarooq shows up in the aisle, meaning Ahmed eliminates himself to go after him.

Thankfully (I think?) Phineas Godwinn is in at #4 to give us something to watch. It’s as thrilling of a brawl as you can imagine as Vince keeps talking about the clock issues, which means there’s no clock to be seen. Austin is in at #5 to wake the crowd up a bit and a middle rope clothesline is enough to allow Phineas to get rid of Crush. A Stunner gets rid of Phineas and it’s Bart Gunn in at #6. That lasts all of twenty six seconds before Austin is all alone again.

Jake Roberts is in at #7 and throws the snake bag in for a bonus. The DDT is loaded up but a backdrop gets rid of Jake, who is replaced by British Bulldog at #8. This goes a bit better with Bulldog pounding Austin down until Pierroth (AAA guy) is in at #9. The luchador gets double teamed until Bulldog wises up and turns on Austin. Sultan, whose music sounds like Pierroth’s, is in at #10 as they’re flying through this so far.

Bulldog puts Austin on the apron but gets poked in the eye for his efforts. We’ve got a clock now and the fans are into it again, which is a really good sign for the match. Mil Mascaras is in at #11 and you know he’s going to get his stuff in. HHH is in at #12 as there’s really not much going on in between these entrances. Bulldog gets rid of Sultan to clear the ring out a bit though it doesn’t do much to keep the crowd going. The middle rope middle finger elbow hits HHH and Owen Hart is in at #13.

Without much going on, Owen “accidentally” eliminates Bulldog, who really isn’t happy with his partner as a result. Goldust is in at #14 and everyone gangs up on him for some reason. Cibernetico (also from AAA) is in at #15 and is tossed almost as quickly, along with Pierroth. Marc Mero is in at #16 as Mascaras dives on Cibernetico to eliminate himself in the process (which I’m sure was a COMPLETE mistake), followed by Goldust tossing HHH. That leaves us with Hart, Austin, Mero and Goldust who are joined by Latin Lover at #17.

Lover gets in some basic stuff before Faarooq comes in at #18 to eliminate him. Cue Ahmed again for a 2×4 shot to Faarooq to get rid of him as well. Austin dumps Mero and Hart, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, Austin’s old rival, is in at #19 and scores with a spinwheel kick. That’s about it though as Austin clotheslines him out to be alone again. Jesse James is next and while he lasts a bit longer than Vega, it’s still not even a minute before Austin gets rid of him. Austin sits on the middle rope…..and it’s BRET HART at #21, giving Austin one of the best OH DANG looks in wrestling history.

The key to him though: he sees Bret coming, shakes his head, and tells Bret to bring it on before starting the slug out. Notice that: he didn’t back down and came out swinging because that’s how Austin rolled. It wouldn’t fit Austin to panic and try to beg or something. Man against man, Austin thought he could beat anyone on the planet no matter what circumstances he was up against. That’s good storytelling and a big part of what made him a star.

Lawler is in at #22 and starts the “it takes a king” line before leaving. Two right hands later and he’s back on the floor four seconds later to finish the catchphrase. Vince: “Do you know you were just in the ring?” JR mentions that Bret said he should just be the WWF Champion coming into the show, which is a great example of how his heel turn took off.

Fake Diesel (as played by the future Kane) is in at #23 and at least he looks close enough to pass for a Nash look-a-like. From behind or at a distance, you could actually make a mistake. Fake Razor on the other hand wasn’t even close and that’s why he was booed while Diesel is greeted with general indifference. A few power moves keep everyone down until it’s Terry Funk in at #24. It says a lot when Kane is by far and away the fourth most successful wrestler in a match.

Rocky Maivia is in at #25 to make Kane even less important and of course he goes right after Austin for the sake of future issues. The slow pace continues until Mankind is in at #26, giving us Mankind, Austin, Rocky, Funk, Diesel and Hart. If there has ever been a better collection of talent at one point in the Rumble, I’ve yet to see it. Just DANG what a lineup here.

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The big Henry actually clotheslines Vader down as JR compares Lawler’s entrant to Bushwhacker Luke’s 1991 entrance. Oh come on. Lawler lasted TWICE as long as Luke. Undertaker completes the field at #30, giving us a final group of Undertaker, Austin, Hart, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, Diesel, Maivia, Vader, Godwinn and Mankind. Undertaker immediately punches Vader down before chokeslamming a few people.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Undertaker throws Henry out and my jaw drops at the talent left in there. The final eight either already are or will be in the Hall of Fame one day. That’s INSANE and will likely never be even approached again. Mankind tosses Rocky and them pummels Terry before suplexing him out to the floor. Undertaker gets rid of Mankind, who is happy to brawl to the back with Funk. Bret dumps Austin for the pop of the night but the referees are busy breaking up the brawl, allowing Austin to come back in and eliminate Vader and Undertaker. Bret gets rid of Diesel, only to have Austin throw him out for the win in a great bit of cheating.

Rating: D+. And the good here is almost ALL Austin as the rest of the match was barely even worth talking about. There wasn’t much in the way of storytelling to be seen here as there wasn’t really a big winner teased until the very end. The lack of talent up until the end and time to go with the build towards the end didn’t do a lot of good as the match doesn’t even really start until Bret comes in two thirds of the way there. It’s certainly not the worst Rumble but it’s really not good either.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Back at Survivor Series, Sid attacked Shawn’s manager with a camera to cost Shawn the title. Sid has been on a rampage since but now we’re in Shawn’s hometown for the big rematch.

Shawn says he’s sick with the flu (a-huh) but he’s ready to fight with 70,000 people (or closer to 50,000 depending on who you ask) behind him.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

Some hard whips across the ring set up a bearhug because Sid needs to keep things slow. The bearhug stays on so long that Sid actually LAYS DOWN ON THE MAT WITH IT. A legdrop gets two and it’s already back to the reverse chinlock. Thankfully this one doesn’t last as long and Shawn comes back with a slam. Really a slam? After all that back work?

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: D+. As I said in the original review, this could have been much worse. I mean, not much worse but it could have been worse. Shawn winning the title back was the most obvious thing in the world and it’s ok to have him win here, especially in his hometown. It’s not exactly a good match but then again Sid isn’t exactly a good opponent. What is nice is seeing a hometown guy win a big match for a change and the fact that it derailed Shawn’s heel turn is…..well actually it kind of sucks but he wouldn’t have the title long anyway.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Why is this show so fondly remembered? The wrestling is pretty lame (though there are worse options) and the Rumble itself isn’t much to be remembered outside of Austin starting his rise to the top of the promotion. It’s not the worst Royal Rumble of all time but I don’t remember getting into the show a single time all night, save for that look from Austin when Bret came out. Just not a very good show but it’s from a bad time for the company.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C-
2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+
2013 Redo: D+
2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F
2013 Redo: D
2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+
2013 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C+
2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating
Original: C+
2013 Redo: D
2017 Redo: D

Now that’s more like it. The two main events just aren’t that good but I have NO idea what I was thinking on the opener. That match is a disaster and I can’t stand it less and less every time I see it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

And the 2013 redo:

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 16, 1997
Location: Olympic Center, Lake Placid, New York
Attendance: 2,773
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

We’ve got three weeks before the next pay per view and Steve Austin needs four partners to take on the Hart Foundation in Calgary. After last week, it seems that he has his lineup ready with Ken Shamrock, the Legion of Doom and Mankind, but that Stunner to Shamrock to end last week’s show might cause him some problems. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince and JR discuss the fight between Bret and Shawn before last week’s show. Shawn has re-injured his knee and hurt his neck, so he’s out 4-6 weeks. Bret has re-injured his knee and will be back soon. Since Shawn is out, the Tag Team Titles are vacant and therefore we’ll be having an eight team tournament with the winners facing Austin and a partner of his choice for the titles.

Here’s Austin to open the show. The lights are really low to hide how empty the arena is. Austin doesn’t care who his partner is or that Shawn is injured because he’ll fight anyone on his own. This brings Mankind to the screen, who says he felt a bond last week when Steve Austin flipped him off and that he knows they would be great partners. Austin: “You ain’t got no ears.” Austin didn’t like Shawn out here dancing and wearing his hair long, but Mankind has both things covered. He’ll let Austin think about it so have a nice day.

Vince shows a clip of the Foundation beating Austin down last week and Mankind coming out as a replacement. Then Shamrock came down to help after the match and got a Stunner. Austin rants about Pillman but here’s Shamrock to interrupt. He came out here last week because he doesn’t like bullies, but he sees Austin as the same as the Hart Foundation. Shamrock promises violence and challenges Austin to a match, which finally knocks the smile off Austin’s face. Shamrock is ready right now but Austin says he’ll fight Pillman then beat up Ken for fun. Ken is still awful on the mic but it’s a hair better than it used to be.

After a break, Pillman is shown a clip of Austin shoving his head in a toilet at King of the Ring. As for the Foundation being handcuffed to the posts during the match with Austin tonight, Shamrock has nothing to worry about because there won’t be anything left of Austin after Pillman gets through with him.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: New Blackjacks vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Both teams promise to win in some pre-recorded interviews. Windham clotheslines Owen down to start and puts on an armbar as JR ruins several children’s lives by admitting that Owen was the Blue Blazer. Bulldog has some more success against Bradshaw with the pure power before handing it off to Owen for a missile dropkick. Bradshaw pops back up and cleans house with clotheslines of his own, followed by a powerslam for two on Bulldog. Bradshaw spends too much time loading up a powerbomb though, allowing Owen to spinwheel kick him down to give Bulldog the rollup pin.

Rating: C-. This could have been far worse and it was nice to see Owen and Bulldog fight a regular team instead of whatever makeshift combination of main eventers they had thrown at them. The division could use a tournament like this to go somewhere, as Owen and Bulldog cleaned the thing out for so long that no one has any real stature.

We recap the Nation crumbling last week. Faarooq has promised a new Nation tonight and will be debuting his newest member in a tag match against Undertaker/Ahmed Johnson.

Undertaker and Paul Bearer (now showing a huge gash on his face with the bandages removed) are in the back and Undertaker is told to be quiet when Vince asks him about teaming with Johnson tonight. Bearer says it’s all about him and what he wants as long as the secret is over his head.

Shamrock says Austin made a huge mistake last week. Tonight, it’s time for Austin to knuckle up. They’re far better off keeping Shamrock’s promos really short like this as it’s more effective to keep it quick and let his fighting do the talking.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Phineas Godwinn

Mankind vs. Helmsley is confirmed for In Your House: Canadian Stampede, meaning Austin might be minus a partner. Well a potential partner at least. They head into the corner to start with Helmsley hammering away, which is exactly what Godwinn wants. A mule kick puts the king down but he’s smart enough to go a bit more technical with his facebuster.

Phineas is sent outside so Chyna can get in a bit shot of her own, much to the delight of the HHH fan club in the first few rows. Back in and Phineas clotheslines him out of the air and loads up the Slop Drop, only to have Chyna offer a distraction. That’s fine with Phineas who kisses Chyna, only to walk into the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing match, but Helmsley and Chyna are really starting to work well together. There’s a chemistry there and that’s not something you can fake. You can see the potential in him and it’s a great example of someone growing up in front of our eyes. He couldn’t pull this off a year ago but with the time and experience, this is working for him.

Post match Henry Godwinn, who had a broken neck like four weeks ago but isn’t even in a collar here, comes out to yell at Phineas. For some reason he blames McMahon for the loss. Vince: “Everything is my fault these days.”

Faarooq promises a bigger, badder and better Nation. So it’s the Wrestlemania III version of the Nation? There will be two new members and the Nation will be blacker than ever.

Chris Candido vs. Brian Christopher

Sunny is guest ring announcer and Paul E. Dangerously is on commentary. This is ECW vs. USWA as Christopher (Grand Master Sexay) was a top heel down in Memphis. Thankfully Paul points out that Candido used to wrestle in the WWF. Candido jumps him to start but Brian counters with an atomic drop and an enziguri.

A quick neckbreaker from Candido sets up a middle rope legdrop (bad one too) as Dangerously tries as hard as he can to make this serious. Vince gets on him for it so Paul goes into a rant about Christopher being Lawler’s son (“his mother is probably 37 years old.” Christopher would be 25 here), drawing out Jerry himself to slap Paul and throw Candido off the top for a DQ.

Tommy Dreamer runs in for the save with a chair. This feud is interesting when you look back at it, but most wrestling fans probably had no idea who these people were or why they were on Raw.

Ahmed Johnson is willing to be Undertaker’s partner.

We get some house show ads, followed by clips from a Toronto house show where the Harts were just crazy over.

The Hart Foundation doesn’t like the idea of being handcuffed to the posts tonight but they’ll show that crime pays. Neidhart did the talking here, which is one of the best things he can do for the team.

Goldust vs. Jim Neidhart

Neidhart starts with the power shots to the back as you might have expected. Goldust comes back with his punches and chest rub in the corner but grabs Neidhart’s beard instead of kissing him. The announcers talk about Dusty even more, which is odd as he wouldn’t be on Raw again for years. Goldust gets in some stomps but here’s British Bulldog to follow up on what happened last week. Marlena goes to slap him but Bulldog grabs her arm, earning him a right hand from Goldust. Neidhart gets in some cheap shots but ducks his head back inside, allowing Goldust to uppercut him for the pin, deemed an upset by Vince.

Rating: D. Seriously? An uppercut? And Goldust beating Neidhart is an upset? This match raised a lot of questions but that’s about all it raised. There wasn’t much to see here, but you can pretty much pencil Goldust in for a spot on Austin’s team at the pay per view. That’s fine enough, as the interviews have given his character a new direction.

Austin says he has Pillman where he wants him. After that, Ken Shamrock wants him to enter his world? How about Austin rocks it instead?

First hour recap and hour number two opening sequence.

Steve Austin vs. Brian Pillman

Owen, Bulldog and Neidhart are handcuffed to a post. JR actually talks about the Hollywood Blonds to give us some background here. Austin is billed as a Tag Team Champion so I guess the belts aren’t vacated until the tournament is over. Steve starts fast but makes the mistake of going after Bulldog, allowing Pillman to get in a cheap shot to take over. Some more right hands put Brian down so Owen starts pulling at his handcuff to no avail.

Brian offers a handshake from his knees but of course Austin is smart enough to kick him in the ribs and clothesline Pillman down. It’s so nice to see a face who is smart for a change. Pillman tries to go up top but gets crotched onto the ropes. The referee checks on him so Austin goes to the floor to beat up Bulldog for fun. Brian’s attempt at using a chair is easily broken up and Austin beats up the other handcuffed guys. Some choking with a cable finally puts Austin down and we take a break.

Back with Pillman (sporting a bloody nose) hammering on Austin but he comes back with a low blow. For some reason it doesn’t have much effect though as Pillman grabs a sleeper, only to be taken down by a jawbreaker. Austin is tired of this wrestling stuff and sweeps the legs so he can hammer on Pillman’s bloody nose. The referee doesn’t like that so he gets a Stunner. With no referee, Pillman hits Austin low and knocks Austin cold with a foreign object (Canadian perhaps?) for two from a new referee. Pillman gets the key to the cuffs from the first referee though and Neidhart is quickly in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was good stuff when you consider the horrible condition Pillman was in at this point. He could barely move but was still able to have a totally watchable brawl before the DQ. Austin had to actually fight these guys at some point so having a match against Pillman was as fine a place as any to start.

Mankind, Goldust and Shamrock run in for the save. With Mankind and Goldust gone, Austin tries to Stun Shamrock again but gets suplexed instead. It’s rare to see someone get one over on Austin like that. Ever the fighter, Austin goes right after him but here’s the Legion of Doom to break it up. Goldust comes out and grabs a mic to say that these are the best five in the WWF, so they’ll go to Calgary to fight the Hart Foundation. Austin says he wants to fight alone but Monsoon won’t let him, so it’s going to be the five of them for one night only.

The Hart Foundation are ready to treat those five like the scum they are. Owen still can’t get the name of the show right, calling it Calgary Stampede.

Bobby Fulton vs. Tommy Rogers

Well ok then. These two used to be known as the Fantastics and this is billed as a light heavyweight match. Sable is guest ring announcer and in some shorts, meaning we’ll likely be seeing Marc Mero again. We hear a quick history of the Fantastics, despite the fact that almost no one is going to know them here as they were mostly a southern team. Fulton has one leg in trunks and the other in tights.

Tommy scores with a nice dropkick (he always had a good one) so Fulton runs to the corner. Bobby grabs a headlock as he’s the heel here. A spinwheel kick drops Rogers as the fans are eerily silent here. Rogers gets sent to the apron for an elbow drop, followed by a baseball slide to knock him into the barricade. JR talks about a light heavyweight tournament coming soon. Fulton’s rollup with his feet gets caught so Tommy hits a quick Tomikaze (Killswitch) for the pin. The crowd just did not care here but the match was fine.

Mero comes out to drag Sable to the back.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Headbangers vs. Jerry Lawler/Rob Van Dam

This could be interesting. The Headbangers want the belts so they can hold up their skirts. Dangerously and Dreamer are in the crowd as Mosh starts with Van Dam. Mosh takes over to start and dives at Van Dam in the corner before a double flapjack puts Rob down again. Thrasher gets two off a gutwrench powerbomb but gets monkey flipped over, setting up Van Dam’s jumping kick to the face.

Lawler comes in and slowly punches Mosh to set up the Five Star for no cover. Jerry’s middle rope punch misses though and Thrasher comes in to clean house. A quick piledriver plants Thrasher though but Lawler yells at Dangerously, allowing Sandman (an ECW mainstay) comes in to cane Jerry, allowing Thrasher to suplex Mosh onto Lawler for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was more storyline than anything else and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a nice idea to have the ECW guys come in and more fans would know them in New York, but I don’t see how this story is going to take anyone anywhere. Still though, good enough match here and the right team won.

Ahmed says he and Undertaker are ready but Bearer says he’s the leader around here. Johnson says Undertaker will have problems if Paul is the one calling the shots out there.

Undertaker/Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq/???

Faarooq has promised two new members of the Nation but only comes out with D’Lo Brown, who was already a member. Kama Mustafa, a former bodyguard of Ted DiBiase and better known as Papa Shango, is introduced as a new member though and takes the fight to Undertaker. Mustafa had been rumored to come back as Shango here but this might have been the better move.

A double clothesline drops Undertaker and Ahmed holds his arm out despite Undertaker being about ten feet from him. Undertaker busts out a Fameasser of all things to put Faarooq down but Kama prevents the tag. Brown gets in some shots on the floor and we take a break. Back with Undertaker scoring with a chokeslam on Faarooq but Kama is there for the save.

Vince and JR think the new member might be Mr. Hughes, Butch Reed (JR: “He has a link to Simmons.”) or Abdullah the Butcher. Undertaker goes for a tag but Ahmed is on the floor going after Bearer, allowing Kama to hit a Rock Bottom….for the PIN??? Yes the newcomer just pinned the WWF World Champion clean in the middle of the ring. For some reason Vince and JR don’t seem to care.

Rating: D. Storyline advancement again here but there’s no excuse for not getting excited over the Undertaker getting pinned here. Yeah he was basically in a handicap match but he got pinned in less than four minutes and it’s treated with the same reaction as when Rogers pinned Fulton earlier tonight. Still thought, that’s quite the debut for Mustafa.

Johnson chases the Nation off but never touches them. In case you’re new at this wrestling thing, that’s because Ahmed gives Undertaker the Pearl River Plunge and reveals himself as the newest member of the Nation. Above all else, this FINALLY ends the feud so there’s a positive to be found. Also this Nation lineup should be a lot stronger as Savio and Crush always seemed like prototypes than the final group.

Overall Rating: C-. The lack of Bret and Shawn is still hurting this show but they’ve got a place to go in the main event scene now and Undertaker has a fresh challenger in Johnson. This was much more of a moving day episode than anything else as they’re getting ready for the next pay per view, which is sneaking up on them rather quickly. This wasn’t a great or even very good show, but it accomplished a lot in just two hours.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’m scared to think how many of those tickets were freebies. This is the annual requested redo and I’m not sure what to expect going into it. Well I am as I’ve seen the show multiple times but it’s been awhile. The main event is of course Shawn Michaels vs. Sid II because we need the big hometown moment. Those actually existed back in 1997. Let’s get to it.

As you might expect, the opening video is all about Shawn because it’s 1997. The title win at Wrestlemania was nice at all but his defining moment came at Survivor Series when he showed compassion for Jose Lothario instead of trying to retain the title. Well to be fair that would be defining as it meant Shawn actually lost a title match instead of vacating the title so maybe they’re on to something.

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

This is one of my least favorite matches ever. Helmsley is defending against a freshly face Goldust. Basically everyone thought Goldust was gay but he confirmed that he wasn’t, which sent HHH after Marlena for some reason. Mr. Hughes makes his debut as HHH’s short lived bodyguard/butler which is code for bodyguard/Chyna is on the way.

Goldust jumps him in the aisle and hammers away in the corner until a quick atomic drop gets us to even. A catapult sends HHH outside as the crowd is really, really quiet here. I’m not sure if it’s the place being huge or the fans being bored but it’s not working so far. Goldust sends him into the steps, causing JR to suggest we might get a DQ. I mean, we probably won’t this early but points for doing your job.

They keep using the steps with HHH bouncing off them and now Lawler thinks it should be a DQ. Vince talks about some fans who had been trying to talk to Shawn for weeks being thrown out of the building. That’s one of those things that doesn’t really hold up over time as they just gloss over it and expect us to know what he’s talking about. It makes sense at the time but there are probably better things to talk about during a title match on pay per view.

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

The referee FINALLY does something by taking away the director’s chair before HHH can swing it (Lawler: “Why didn’t you do something about those stairs earlier?”) and they head back in. The match is so boring that we actually cut over to an interview with a country singer in the audience. That’s getting up there on the all time boredom scale and the dead crowd seems to agree.

HHH misses the kneedrop and hurts his leg again in the process but he’s still able to roll away from a Macho Elbow. Hughes, likely as bored as the rest of us, throws in the title but HHH would rather kiss Marlena. That earns him a belt shot to the head, only to have Hughes pull HHH out at two. Of course that’s not a DQ so Goldust goes after Hughes, setting up the Pedigree for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: F+. Oh yeah this is still bad and still one of the worst matches I can ever remember to open the show. It’s too long, too boring and completely uninteresting. This really needed to have about seven minutes chopped off and far less using the steps. I dread this match every time I watch the show and that hasn’t changed a bit.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Mankind talks about the Rumble being a chance to hurt a lot of people that he doesn’t like as well as some that he does. It’s going to be a very nice day.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Faarooq injured Johnson back in 1996 and it’s finally time for the grudge match in a feud that felt like it went on for the better part of forever. There are at least ten members of the Nation of Domination here, including a few actors who exist for the sole purpose of making the group bigger. As you might expect, Ahmed erupts to start and beats Faarooq down in the corner before sending him into the post. Where’s the OUTRAGE from the announcers over this blatant breaking of the rules?

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

It’s off to the very logical reverse chinlock but Faarooq does the very stupid posing, allowing an electric chair to put him down. Faarooq comes right back with a spinebuster though, which JR calls a physical catch instead of a fair catch. Uh, right Jim. Ahmed pops up again and hits one of his own, meaning it’s time for the Nation to come in for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. Still not great but WAY better than the first, at least partially because it’s half the length of the opener. Johnson vs. Faarooq needed to be some big wild brawl, or maybe Johnson finding some partners to help him fight off the team. Like say the Legion of Doom in Chicago in a street fight. But for some reason the feud just kept going after that, which is probably why this feud isn’t the most fondly remembered.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Terry Funk thinks he can win because we’re in Texas. Nah, just one of those per show dude. Besides, Goldust is from Austin and look at what he got. Or don’t look actually as it’s too horrible for words. Or reviews for that matter.

Faarooq says he’ll take care of Ahmed in the Rumble because Johnson is an “Uncle Tom”.

Vader vs. Undertaker

There’s not much of a story here save for some back and forth attacks. We get the big long Undertaker entrance and as usual it looks amazing in the big stadium. They slug it out to start with Undertaker doing the sit up off a clothesline. The standing splash gets the exact same reaction and Vader is looking a bit worried.

The fight heads outside with Undertaker getting the better of it but Vader drops him ribs first across the top rope to take over again. Undertaker gets in a slam followed by a legdrop, which JR says is like no one has ever done. I’m sure that’s certainly not meant as a jab at anyone in particular second cousin twice removed.

Old School is broken up which JR says means Vader had it well scouted. Or Vader was smart enough to do ANYTHING when Undertaker was off balance and distracted? And now, let’s go INTERVIEW A FAN WHO SAVED UP TO COME TO THE SHOW. Lawler rips on Pettengill for wasting our time like that (amen brother) while Vader was pounding Undertaker about the head and shoulders (the body parts, not the shampoo).

We hit the lame nerve hold for a bit until Undertaker suplexes his way to freedom, leaving both guys down. Vader is up first and goes to the middle rope, only to dive into a powerslam. That would be a lot more impressive if Ahmed hadn’t done the EXACT SAME THING, even from the same corner, to Faarooq in the previous match.

Vader’s powerbomb gets two but Old School drops him again….and here’s Paul Bearer. Undertaker gets in a chokeslam but makes the mistake of going after Paul. Vader tries for a save and avoids a dive off the steps, sending Undertaker ribs first into the barricade. Bearer adds an urn shot and it’s the Vader Bomb to put Undertaker away.

Rating: C-. I’m a fan of Undertaker slugging away at a monster so this was more entertaining than it probably should have been. Vader was in something close to a free fall after losing to Shawn at Summerslam so this was more of a comeback win than anything else. Undertaker vs. Bearer would continue for a very long time.

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Austin says he isn’t talking with anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog is going to win because he’s bizarre. Yes, bizarre.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

This is a AAA match because the company was willing to try ANYTHING to get people interested, including these guys that 99% of fans have never heard of before. I’ll do my best to have any idea who these people are and what’s going on here but bear with me. Estrada and Heavy Metal (who Vince things is Estrada) start things off do a technical sequence to start before it’s off to the ancient looking Aguayo vs. the very feathery looking Estrada.

The crowd is just GONE for this one as Canek’s middle rope crossbody gets on Guerrera. Fuerza misses a top rope crane kick Swanton (that’s an odd one) so Canek gets an easy two. Heavy Metal does a Tajiri handspring but stumbles through the elbow to drop Garza. Things speed up a bit but they still seem a few steps off to keep this from getting, you know, good.

We hit a stalemate and that means it’s time to shake hands and bring in Estrada and Canek. They start running the ropes but WAIT! Time for more tags. Metal avoids a Figure Four and we get down to a bit of a traditional tag formula with the focus on Metal’s leg. Guerrera tries to make a save but dropkicks Metal by mistake and everything breaks down. Garza gets in his corkscrew plancha and Aguayo’s top rope double stomp to the arm (meant to be ribs) finally ends Metal.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying something different here but this didn’t work for me. The wrestling wasn’t great here and I really have no idea who these people are. It was a nice try at something new and when you’re in the depths that the company was in at this point it’s worth the shot but this was a big miss.

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals here and it’s Crush in at #1 and Ahmed in at #2. JR says Ahmed has a minute and a half to do whatever he wants to Crush. So Crush is stuck with his arms behind his back and isn’t allowed to fight back? They fight to the mat and the clock messes up so it’s Fake Razor Ramon in at #3, earning one heck of a booing. Thankfully Ahmed gets rid of the clown in about ten seconds but Faarooq shows up in the aisle, meaning Ahmed eliminates himself to go after him.

Thankfully (I think?) Phineas Godwinn is in at #4 to give us something to watch. It’s as thrilling of a brawl as you can imagine as Vince keeps talking about the clock issues, which means there’s no clock to be seen. Austin is in at #5 to wake the crowd up a bit and a middle rope clothesline is enough to allow Phineas to get rid of Crush. A Stunner gets rid of Phineas and it’s Bart Gunn in at #6. That lasts all of twenty six seconds before Austin is all alone again.

Jake Roberts is in at #7 and throws the snake bag in for a bonus. The DDT is loaded up but a backdrop gets rid of Jake, who is replaced by British Bulldog at #8. This goes a bit better with Bulldog pounding Austin down until Pierroth (AAA guy) is in at #9. The luchador gets double teamed until Bulldog wises up and turns on Austin. Sultan, whose music sounds like Pierroth’s, is in at #10 as they’re flying through this so far.

Bulldog puts Austin on the apron but gets poked in the eye for his efforts. We’ve got a clock now and the fans are into it again, which is a really good sign for the match. Mil Mascaras is in at #11 and you know he’s going to get his stuff in. HHH is in at #12 as there’s really not much going on in between these entrances. Bulldog gets rid of Sultan to clear the ring out a bit though it doesn’t do much to keep the crowd going. The middle rope middle finger elbow hits HHH and Owen Hart is in at #13.

Without much going on, Owen “accidentally” eliminates Bulldog, who really isn’t happy with his partner as a result. Goldust is in at #14 and everyone gangs up on him for some reason. Cibernetico (also from AAA) is in at #15 and is tossed almost as quickly, along with Pierroth. Marc Mero is in at #16 as Mascaras dives on Cibernetico to eliminate himself in the process (which I’m sure was a COMPLETE mistake), followed by Goldust tossing HHH. That leaves us with Hart, Austin, Mero and Goldust who are joined by Latin Lover at #17.

Lover gets in some basic stuff before Faarooq comes in at #18 to eliminate him. Cue Ahmed again for a 2×4 shot to Faarooq to get rid of him as well. Austin dumps Mero and Hart, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, Austin’s old rival, is in at #19 and scores with a spinwheel kick. That’s about it though as Austin clotheslines him out to be alone again. Jesse James is next and while he lasts a bit longer than Vega, it’s still not even a minute before Austin gets rid of him. Austin sits on the middle rope…..and it’s BRET HART at #21, giving Austin one of the best OH DANG looks in wrestling history.

The key to him though: he sees Bret coming, shakes his head, and tells Bret to bring it on before starting the slug out. Notice that: he didn’t back down and came out swinging because that’s how Austin rolled. It wouldn’t fit Austin to panic and try to beg or something. Man against man, Austin thought he could beat anyone on the planet no matter what circumstances he was up against. That’s good storytelling and a big part of what made him a star.

Lawler is in at #22 and starts the “it takes a king” line before leaving. Two right hands later and he’s back on the floor four seconds later to finish the catchphrase. Vince: “Do you know you were just in the ring?” JR mentions that Bret said he should just be the WWF Champion coming into the show, which is a great example of how his heel turn took off.

Fake Diesel (as played by the future Kane) is in at #23 and at least he looks close enough to pass for a Nash look-a-like. From behind or at a distance, you could actually make a mistake. Fake Razor on the other hand wasn’t even close and that’s why he was booed while Diesel is greeted with general indifference. A few power moves keep everyone down until it’s Terry Funk in at #24. It says a lot when Kane is by far and away the fourth most successful wrestler in a match.

Rocky Maivia is in at #25 to make Kane even less important and of course he goes right after Austin for the sake of future issues. The slow pace continues until Mankind is in at #26, giving us Mankind, Austin, Rocky, Funk, Diesel and Hart. If there has ever been a better collection of talent at one point in the Rumble, I’ve yet to see it. Just DANG what a lineup here.

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The big Henry actually clotheslines Vader down as JR compares Lawler’s entrant to Bushwhacker Luke’s 1991 entrance. Oh come on. Lawler lasted TWICE as long as Luke. Undertaker completes the field at #30, giving us a final group of Undertaker, Austin, Hart, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, Diesel, Maivia, Vader, Godwinn and Mankind. Undertaker immediately punches Vader down before chokeslamming a few people.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Undertaker throws Henry out and my jaw drops at the talent left in there. The final eight either already are or will be in the Hall of Fame one day. That’s INSANE and will likely never be even approached again. Mankind tosses Rocky and them pummels Terry before suplexing him out to the floor. Undertaker gets rid of Mankind, who is happy to brawl to the back with Funk. Bret dumps Austin for the pop of the night but the referees are busy breaking up the brawl, allowing Austin to come back in and eliminate Vader and Undertaker. Bret gets rid of Diesel, only to have Austin throw him out for the win in a great bit of cheating.

Rating: D+. And the good here is almost ALL Austin as the rest of the match was barely even worth talking about. There wasn’t much in the way of storytelling to be seen here as there wasn’t really a big winner teased until the very end. The lack of talent up until the end and time to go with the build towards the end didn’t do a lot of good as the match doesn’t even really start until Bret comes in two thirds of the way there. It’s certainly not the worst Rumble but it’s really not good either.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Back at Survivor Series, Sid attacked Shawn’s manager with a camera to cost Shawn the title. Sid has been on a rampage since but now we’re in Shawn’s hometown for the big rematch.

Shawn says he’s sick with the flu (a-huh) but he’s ready to fight with 70,000 people (or closer to 50,000 depending on who you ask) behind him.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

Some hard whips across the ring set up a bearhug because Sid needs to keep things slow. The bearhug stays on so long that Sid actually LAYS DOWN ON THE MAT WITH IT. A legdrop gets two and it’s already back to the reverse chinlock. Thankfully this one doesn’t last as long and Shawn comes back with a slam. Really a slam? After all that back work?

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: D+. As I said in the original review, this could have been much worse. I mean, not much worse but it could have been worse. Shawn winning the title back was the most obvious thing in the world and it’s ok to have him win here, especially in his hometown. It’s not exactly a good match but then again Sid isn’t exactly a good opponent. What is nice is seeing a hometown guy win a big match for a change and the fact that it derailed Shawn’s heel turn is…..well actually it kind of sucks but he wouldn’t have the title long anyway.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Why is this show so fondly remembered? The wrestling is pretty lame (though there are worse options) and the Rumble itself isn’t much to be remembered outside of Austin starting his rise to the top of the promotion. It’s not the worst Royal Rumble of all time but I don’t remember getting into the show a single time all night, save for that look from Austin when Bret came out. Just not a very good show but it’s from a bad time for the company.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Now that’s more like it. The two main events just aren’t that good but I have NO idea what I was thinking on the opener. That match is a disaster and I can’t stand it less and less every time I see it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

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