Impact Wrestling
Date: January 26, 2016
Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

Tonight is a special show with the annual Feast or Fired match. In other words, there are four briefcases hung above the ring. You climb a corner and grab a briefcase and try your luck. Three cases contain title shots (World Title, Tag Team Title and King of the Mountain Title) and one pink slip. The big moment is then finding out who has what. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the last man standing match with Matt Hardy beating Ethan Carter III for the World Title in a double turn.

Here’s Jeff Hardy to open things up. He saw what happened last week and it made him sick. That’s why he needs answers right now so the new World Champion needs to get out here right now. Matt’s new music starts off with him saying “I AM ICONIC.” Oh sweet goodness this is going to be a long day. Matt comes out with his wife Reby Sky and Tyrus, who is carrying Matt’s son. Jeff says this is a family issue so it needs to be just the two of them.

Reby laughs that off because she and Matt are a real family. Where was Jeff when the world was turning their back on Matt? It’s time for Matt to stop giving and start taking. Jeff calls all of them some rather rude names and starts a WHY MATT WHY chant. Matt laughs off the fans and says it’s not his fault that Jeff is a cripple. Now Jeff is just the other Hardy and that’s not something he’s going to be able to understand. However, Jeff is now cleared to wrestle so what about a title match tonight? Matt shakes his head and says he washes his hands of everything that happens tonight.

The roster talks about Feast or Fired and explains the basic concept.

Matt vs. Jeff is announced for later with the title on the line.

Feast or Fired

James Storm, Robert Roode, Aiden O’Shea, Bram, Drew Galloway, Chris Melendez, Eric Young, Grado, Jesse Godderz, Robbie E., Eli Drake, Rockstar Spud

Eric is King of the Mountain Champion so he might get a shot at his own title. It’s a huge brawl to start with various people trying to go up after the briefcases but being pulled back down. Robbie dives over the top to dive onto Jesse. Melendez, now in long pants to hide his metal leg, clotheslines Aiden to the floor but gets suplexed by Eric. Roode hits a Blockbuster on Bram but Spud escapes the Roode Bomb. The second attempt sends Spud flying over the top onto a pile of people and the ring is cleared out. Grado crotches O’Shea to make a save and goes up to pull down the first briefcase as we take a break.

Back with everyone still brawling, including Drew clotheslining Bram and Eric down at the same time. Drake ties Galloway in the Tree of Woe, only to have Drew sit up into a German suplex to throw Eli down and grab another briefcase. Young and Spud go up but O’Shea pulls Spud down. Eric goes after Robbie instead and we get a Tower of Power (no longer Doom for some reason) with Melendez powerbombing the two of them down. A bad looking hurricanrana from Storm puts O’Shea down and Roode adds a top rope splash.

Jesse clotheslines Beer Money down but gets caught going up. The distraction lets Drake go up and pull down a third case. Bram and Young are the only ones left in the ring but beat up Melendez and Spud instead of climbing. The delay allows Beer Money to come in and clean house but Roode gets knocked off the top by Eric. Storm hits a Backstabber to pull Young off the top, followed by a Last Call to Bram. Roode gets back in and tells Storm to go get the case to end the match at 16:05.

Rating: D+. I never know how to rate this thing as it’s so all over the place and you only kind of have winners since eight people don’t win and a fourth is out of the company. The match didn’t have any major high spots because we’re just kind of waiting around until the last case is brought down by the fourth winner.

Kurt Angle checks on Jeff Hardy, who says he’s tired of Reby being in Matt’s ear lately. Yeah screw that wife nonsense.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Mandrews vs. DJZ

Tigre is defending. It’s all over the place to start with the champ being sent outside, leaving Mandrews to backflip away from a charge and knock DJZ down with a dropkick. Tigre comes back in and rolls up DJZ while he’s backsliding Mandrews. That’s followed by an Indian Deathlock on DJZ and a Gory Stretch on Mandrews at the same time, only to have the champ sent outside again.

DJZ dropkicks Tigre off the apron and scores with a big flip dive, followed by Mandrews’ skateboarding down the ramp into a headscissors spot. Back in and DJZ gets two off a reverse hurricanrana on Mandrews. Tigre gets up and throws DJZ out, setting up a Spanish Fly (top rope C4) for the pin on Mandrews at 6:26.

Rating: C. DO SOMETHING NEW! I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen these people fight and I never need to see it again. They’ve reached the point where you can call the spots because they’ve done them so many times. From what I can find, Tigre has had one singles title defense since July. Everything else has been a multi-man title defense and each one has had DJZ involved. Bring in some jobbers or something but find a way to make this more interesting.

Post match Gregory Helms comes out to say this company was built on the X-Division but Tigre’s time as champion is over. Apparently that means a title match next week.

Awesome Kong tells the Dollhouse to stay in the back while she takes someone to school.

Eli Drake is worried about what’s in his briefcase. Godderz tells him not to worry so Drake unlocks the case and teases looking inside.

Angle comes up to see Tyrus and Matt to ask what’s going on. Matt says he’s building a brand but Angle says that brand is tearing this company down. That’s not cool with Matt because Kurt is one of the two people he respects so don’t ruin that.

Awesome Kong vs. Velvet Sky

Sky hits a quick jawbreaker and starts kicking away at the leg because that’s what everyone does to giants. A clothesline drops Velvet to the floor and the ring skirt is pulled off on the way down. Back in and Velvet fires off more kicks to the leg but has to avoid a splash. Sky gets two off a running bulldog but gets run over with ease. Now the splash connects, followed by the Implant Buster for the pin at 3:40.

Rating: D. Just a squash here, even though Kong already lost the big showdown with Kim. As usual, this division is little more than a stable war with Gail Kim on top because she’s almost always Knockouts Champion. It feels like we’ve seen this same stuff for years now and I have no idea what I’m supposed to get out of all this stuff all over again.

Post match Kong goes after Sky even more but Madison Rayne runs in. This brings out the Dollhouse for the real beatdown, capped off by Kong’s middle rope splash to Sky.

The Wolves want to fight Abyss/Crazzy Steve for the sneak attack last week.

It’s time for the Feast or Fired reveal because waiting until next week is a bad idea around here. Before we get the openings, Michael Bennett and Maria come in and say one of these guys is going to need a miracle. He’s always in for a good train wreck though so he’s going to sit back and watch. Drew isn’t cool with that because he’s not the kind of a guy who is going to stand around waiting on something to happen. Galloway says Maria is the brains of the outfit and a fight is teased but Mike and Maria leave. Back to the reveals with Drake volunteering to go first. Inside his case: King of the Mountain Title shot. We’ll finish this later.

The Wolves want Crazzy Steve out here right now to get their title back from Crazzy Steve and whoever helped him steal them last week (it was pretty clearly Abyss). A woman comes out in something like a Harley Quinn outfit saying everything will decay. This brings out Crazzy Steve, followed by Abyss as we take a break.

Wolves vs. Abyss/Crazzy Steve

This is joined in progress and it’s not clear if the titles are on the line. Abyss splashes Eddie in the corner and brings in Steve to fishhook the jaws. It’s quickly back to Abyss who allows the tag to Davey but takes him down just as fast. Steve comes back in and bites Davey’s boot, which apparently hurts.

Not that it matters as Davey kicks him off and brings in Eddie to clean house. Steve bites his way out of the Backpack Stunner but gets thrown into the air for the kick to the chest. The creepy woman appears on the stage with the titles though to distract Davey, leaving Eddie to take the Black Hole Slam. Steve mists Davey and that’s a DQ at 6:03.

Rating: D+. Well I guess it’s better than nothing. They have to build up someone to feud with the Wolves after most of the other teams have left. However, it’s pretty clear that we’re going to see Beer Money vs. the Wolves in the big showdown at some point so this is really just a filler. At least it’s better than two generic guys though.

Post match Steve puts Davey in the crossface chickenwing while the woman bites Richards’ shoulder.

Back to the briefcase reveals as JB explains the rules for probably the fifth time. Storm goes next and promises to give Roode the World Title shot if he finds it. James is distraught by what he finds but it’s a Tag Team Title shot. Drew opens his case and finds the World Title shot, meaning Grado is fired, which takes a second to kick in. A lot of sadness ensues until Grado leaves the room.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Matt is defending and is now named Big Money Matt during the big match intros. The bell rings but here’s Eric freaking Young to yell about how he should get the title shot. As he yells, Bram comes in from behind and the beatdown is on. Officially the “match” ended at 39 seconds but there was never any contact.

Matt leaves Jeff to get beaten down and Young pulls out a chair. Beer Money makes the save but Steve and Abyss run in to keep the villains in control. Roode and Storm clear them out as well but the four of them head up the ramp, leaving Matt to stand over Jeff. Cue Kurt Angle but Tyrus decks him from behind. Matt and company leave, allowing Eric to piledrive Jeff through the table to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Well they certainly didn’t bore me tonight. The Hardys fighting isn’t interesting to me in the slightest and you could tell it wasn’t going anywhere tonight because they’re coming up on the European tour, meaning it’s time for Jeff to go away for a little while. The rest of the show was all over the place and they did a good enough job with Feast or Fired, though again one of the same issues comes through: TNA doesn’t know how to take their time.

Matt vs. Jeff and Feast or Fired could have been built up for weeks but instead they’re both blown off in the span of a single night. Slow things down for a bit and let these stories build up so there’s a bit more, forgive me, impact. This happens way too often around here and it gets annoying as almost nothing has the chance to build up and give you a big payoff.

Results

Grado, Drew Galloway, Eli Drake and James Storm won Feast or Fired

Tigre Uno b. DJZ and Mandrews – Spanish Fly to Mandrews

Awesome Kong b. Velvet Sky – Implant Buster

Wolves b. Abyss/Crazzy Steve via DQ when Steve sprayed mist in Davey’s face

Jeff Hardy b. Matt Hardy via DQ when Bram interfered

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 12, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

The tournament is finally down to two entrants with Magnus and Jeff Hardy left to square off for the title. Thankfully they’re giving us a week off from the matches to get ready for the title match instead of just blasting through it tonight. We do however have Feast or Fired tonight, with a shot at all the male titles and a pink slip up for grabs. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Dixie trying to get the title back last week.

Rockstar Spud is driving near Gainsville, Georgia as he tries find AJ’s house.

In the arena, JB is standing next to four briefcases and the Wheel of Dixie. Inside the four cases are a World Title shot, an X-Division Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot and a pink slip. We’ll get to those later though as we need to find out the stipulations for the tournament final. Before we can talk about gimmick match #2 though, here’s Angle to clear the ring and call out Bobby Roode to end this once and for all.

Roode comes out and says he’ll fight but not right now. He was eliminated from the tournament by falling through a table. Angle was eliminated because ever since he passed on the Hall of Fame, Roode has beaten him. Kurt says he could beat Roode twice in one night and the fight is on again. Security comes out to break it up and Roode gets in a low blow. Next week is Final Resolution and Bobby wants a 2/3 falls match.

We look back at Bad Influence vs. Joseph Park, focusing on Bad Influence finding out that the Park Park and Park law offices closed years ago.

Eric Young has a plan for the match and asks Park to trust him.

Joseph Park/Eric Young vs. Bad Influence

Young takes Daniels down to start before bringing in a hesitant Park. Off to Kaz vs. Eric with Young raining down right hands in the corner. Back to Park as the fast tags continue and Tenay plugs every internet feature the company can think of. A knee to Park’s gut puts him down and Bad Influence takes turns pounding on him. Par fights back but gets nervous again, so Eric gives him a few hard right hands to the face, busting him open. Abyss mode ensues and Kaz is Black Hole Slammed for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: D+. I still don’t get the appeal of Eric Young. He isn’t particularly funny, he isn’t anything special in the ring, he doesn’t do anything that others couldn’t do just as well, but he’s kept a job for several years now. Bad Influence on the other hand is actually funny and can put on good matches, which is clearly why they’re stuck in feuds like this one.

Post match Eric tells Park that he’s Abyss, which apparently no one suggested to him in 18 months.

Ethan Carter III is getting massaged before he has a Hall of Fame moment tonight. It’s going to make social media explode.

Here’s Carter for his match but he makes sure to tell Brian Hebner that he has nothing to worry about. Tonight Carter is going to face TNA’s social media guru: Jeremy Borash. JB makes a hilarious terrified face like he just saw TNA’s PPV numbers but Sting of all people interrupts Carter.

Sting asks if he can shake Carter’s hands because Carter is a skyrocket. Carter is shooting for the stars but he hasn’t accomplished anything at all. Sting isn’t cool with this because Carter is just riding his family and last name through doors that never should have been opened for him. There’s a big match coming up tonight called Feast or Fired and Carter can either enter or fight Sting right now. Carter gets in Sting’s face and says it’s on, meaning he’ll enter Feast or Fired.

Spud is still looking for AJ’s house but finds a gas station attendant who says Styles hangs out at a bar down the road.

Gail Kim vs. ODB

This is supposed to be the open challenge but Gail says she’s beaten ODB too many times already. ODB says she’s here to fight Tapa though and the brawl is on. Gail gets involved though and ODB gets double teamed down until Madison Rayne (looking great with long reddish brown hair) returns to make the save.

Spud finds the bar and imitates a redneck to get some service. He calls AJ Alan Jones (his real name) and is told he’ll get information for a drink. Spud puts down a dollar bill and asks for some mixed drink, getting a beer with a lemon instead.

Post match Spud sings karaoke and is thrown out.

Video outlining Feast or Fired.

James Storm and Gunner apologize to each other and say good luck in the match tonight.

Spud keeps looking and walks off into the dark with a flashlight.

Here’s Dixie Carter to oversee the face to face meeting between Hardy and Magnus. Earlier tonight Angle destroyed the Wheel of Dixie but she’ll give him the 2/3 falls match anyway. That brings her to AJ Styles, who is still making a mockery of her world title. Next week though she gets a new world champion and brings out the competitors. Hardy talks about winning the Bound For Glory Series last year and promises to win the title again next week.

Magnus says he sees Hardy as the best today and the final obstacle. Dixie says the final match will be called Dixieland and we get a video explaining the concept. The match starts in a cage and you have to climb over the top and go up the ramp and climb a ladder to pull down the belt. I’m sure this isn’t going to be overbooked at all. Dixie promises to make the winner the face of TNA and let them become the most important person in the company.

Velvet says she has Sabin’s back tonight in his title match, even though Sabin seems oblivious to her.

Spud breaks into presumably AJ’s house and finds the belt in a bag on the coffee table. AJ comes down the stairs and is incredibly calm considering someone broke into his home. Apparently people had called him and told him to expect a British guy, hence why the door was open. AJ says we can either call the cops or call some of his buddies. Spud leaves the belt and runs away as AJ slams the door.

Anderson says he had fun at the funeral but now it’s time to get the world title back.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending. Aries sends him into the corner to start and takes a victory lap, including a look at Sky. The distraction lets Aries slide back in for a baseball slide to take out Sabin, only to have the champion send him face first into the apron. A gutbuster gets three straight near falls for Sabin and he drapes Aries ribs first across the top rope for the same.

Aries comes right back by draping Sabin’s ribs across the top and pounding away at Chris’ head. A forearm puts Sabin on the floor but Aries throws him back in for a missile dropkick. Sabin stops a charging Aries with a boot to the face but Austin Japanese armdrags the champion into the corner. Chris rolls him up for two but the kickout nearly sends Sabin into Velvet. The distraction lets Aries hit the brainbuster for the pin and the title at 6:08.

Rating: C. Not bad here and maybe this can get the title to mean something for a few weeks. The belt has been worthless since BFG as it always is around this time of year. It’s just a toy that TNA dusts off every now and then to make it seem like it matters but it’ll be nothing again in a few weeks.

Post break Sabin gets in Aries’ face but Aries says he’ll enter Feast or Fired and then steal Velvet.

Magnus talks about winning the world title but gets a phone call.

Preview for next week’s Final Resolution with Angle vs. Roode and Jeff vs. Magnus.

Feast or Fired

Mr. Anderson, Curry Man, Samoa Joe, Dewey Barnes, Norv Fernum, Chris Sabin, Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Zema Ion, James Storm, Gunner, Austin Aries, Ethan Carter III

Anderson comes out to do his entrance but Bully Ray jumps him from behind and piledrives Anderson on the stage. Ray talks about evil standing strong over good in what sounds like a quote from a rather epic speech. He says Anderson’s wife is pregnant with twins but Ray will be responsible for their future.

As for the match, there’s a briefcase at each corner of the ring and whoever gets the case gets whatever is inside. That could be a shot at the World, Tag Team or X-Division Titles or a pink slip. The bell rings and Curry Man immediately walks out and Sabin bails to the floor. Fernum and Barnes both miss dives but Aries dives on everyone to take them out. Ion dropkicks Aries through the ropes and SuperMex launches himself over the top rope to take everyone out. Gunner backdrops storm onto them as Norm and Dewey hit dives of their own. Joe hits the suicide elbow to take the jobbers out and the ring is empty.

Carter gets back in the ring and gets case #3 as we take a break. Back with Joe destroying everyone in sight until Barnes and Fernum throw him to the floor. They both go up top but Ion shoves them to the floor, allowing him to grab case #2. Most of the people get back inside and it’s Aries diving onto Storm and Hernandez. A discus lariat staggers Hernandez and Aries hits some running dropkicks in the corner. He sends Barnes and Fernum into each other before going up top for a 450 onto both guys.

Austin goes for a case but Sabin makes a save, only to be sent into the steps. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez get back inside with Chavo being launched into the corner where he grabs case #4. Gunner and Storm get back inside but have to deal with Hernandez. Dewey and Norv come back in to try a superplex on Hernandez but Gunner powerbombs him down to make it a Tower of Doom. Storm Last Calls Joe to the floor but Gunner crotches him and takes the case to end the match at 14:11.

Rating: C+. This is always a hard match to grade as there are four winners and technically no losers. The whole point of the match is the drama of the cases being opened next week and not really about the action here. Gunner turning on Storm is kind of interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Still though, decent enough stuff.

Dixie is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a glass of wine as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was really chatty. We had one match in the first hour and then a lot of talking. Then there was another match and we talked some more, then we had Feast or Fired to end things. Last week’s show worked because they threw a lot of stuff at us to keep it interesting, but tonight was all about only a handful of angles which got repetitive quickly. It’s not a horrible show but it was there to set up future stuff which doesn’t make for the most entertaining two hours.

Results

Joseph Park/Eric Young b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Kazarian

Austin Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster

Ethan Carter III, Zema Ion, Chavo Guerrero and Gunner won Feast or Fired

 

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