Thunder
Date: May 17, 2000
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,066
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

So Ric Flair is the new World Champion and now it’s all about trying to find out how Russo can screw up having one of the most popular stars and best wrestlers in the company on top. Granted I’m sure some of it will involve Russo beating Flair up to affirm his manliness for the week because he seems to forget it every other show. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of Flair winning the title.

Opening sequence.

The New Blood arrives in a school bus and Shane Douglas, put in charge tonight by Bischoff, takes roll. Konnan isn’t cool with listening to Shane (he probably had enough of that in ECW) and the brawl is on. Cue the Millionaire’s Club and Misfits for a brawl (leave it to Russo to have mini stables fighting in the big stable war) and Hogan steals the bus keys from Douglas.

The announcers talk about Flair and Russo. To be fair we’re four minutes into the show so a Russo discussion was warranted.

Here’s are the Misfits and the Club (complete with the hottest act in the business in Terry Funk) to open things up. Hogan holds up the keys to the bus and tells Shane to tear up the format because they’re booking this show tonight. Cue the New Blood with Shane saying Russo and Bischoff left him in charge. It sounds like a five year old saying he’s in charge of day care while the boss is making lunch.

Hogan says he beat Kidman at Slamboree and wants a rematch at the Bash. If Hogan wins, he gets the title shot at Bash at the Beach in July. Kidman agrees to fight the mark (gah those insider terms were starting to go away) at the Bash before Hogan tells Horace they’re fighting tonight. Wait weren’t Kidman and Horace mad at each other on Monday? Jarrett says he wants Flair tonight so Ric comes to the stage and goes after all of the New Blood so it’s time for a big stable war.

The Filthy Animals aren’t pleased with Shane.

Misfits in Action vs. Filthy Animals

Eight man tag. We’re ready to go after Konnan massacres the English language yet again. Disco gets sent into the corner to start and the big men hit running splashes. This brings in Major Gunns as the match is already falling apart. It’s off to Hammer vs. Juvy with the guy you would expect to use a hurricanrana using a hurricanrana out of the corner. Hammer comes right back with right hands and a superplex for two before it’s Rey vs. Rection. I still feel bad having to type that name so often.

Some kicks set up the Bronco Buster but Rection lifts Rey up into a powerbomb position. Rey punches him in the head to make Rection go down (yeah yeah I know) and that’s exactly what he does…..right into a powerbomb. Well you can’t blame Rection for that one. Chavo comes in to clean house on Konnan but Shawn Stasiak sneaks out to low bridge him to the floor and that’s actually a DQ. I didn’t know those still existed but maybe it’s because Russo and Bischoff aren’t here. I could get used to this.

Rating: D+. There was some nice action in here but as usual they didn’t have time to do anything. Russo and Bischoff did love themselves some stable wars and if they can have a mini stable war inside the big stable war you know they’re going to be all for it. It’s still not very interesting after we’ve seen it 67 times, but that never stopped WCW before.

The Misfits get beaten down until Booker makes the save, leading to Major Gunns taking off her top and giving Chavo CPR. Tenay: “It must be the large lungs.”

Luger tells the Millionaires he has to go and take care of something.

Booker T. (yes T again. I’ll give Russo this: he knew enough to realize how stupid that idea was) says he’s got the Misfits’ back.

Hulk Hogan vs. Horace Hogan

Hulk blames Horace’s actions on the death of his father. I’m sure the gorgeous blonde had nothing to do with it. In the back we see Kidman trying to come out but Horace beats him up to stop it. Horace grabs Torrie’s hand and drags her to ringside where Hulk immediately attacks him.

The nephew is sent into various metal objects until he rakes Hulk’s eyes after Hulk sets up a table. They get inside and Hulk starts with the weightlifting belt to take over again. Torrie gets on the apron for a distraction and Horace gets in a cheap shot. Horace kisses Torrie, drawing out Kidman to beat him down. The distraction lets Hulk hit Horace in the back with a chair for the lame pin.

Rating: D-. That’s some strong nepotism. I like the idea of trying to push Horace as something new, but that might involve them actually letting him pin Hulk, or at least not get destroyed by him in four minutes. That being said, he got to kiss Torrie so it’s not a total loss. Nothing match of course, as anyone would have expected.

Post match Hulk goes after Torrie but kisses her instead, knocking Torrie down to the mat. Hulk leaves and Torrie can’t stop smiling. So now Hulk is the great lover. Does that make Kidman the original Bubba the Love Sponge?

Chuck Palumbo is lifting at the gym but here’s Lex Luger to kick out his spotter and attack Palumbo with a pipe. Palumbo gets thrown into a laundry bin and hit with a “45lb weight.” Yes it’s real because 45lb weights bounce along the floor when you throw them down. Luger pours a protein shake on Palumbo for good measure. So we have pipes and covering someone in liquid. This is totally different than the other phallic weapons that Russo usually has people use.

Norman and Ralphus are selling homemade F.U.N.B. shirts. Where did they get the money to make those if they had $1.20 between them on Monday?

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Cat

This is Funk giving Cat a shot due to what happened Monday. Funk attacks him on the ramp and gets two each off a DDT and neckbreaker. They fight into the back with Funk nailing him with a computer, only to be sent into a pile of water bottles. Some trash can shots have Cat in trouble so he comes back with a bag of popcorn.

They keep throwing each other into various things and there’s nothing going on in between. It heads outside with Funk breaking down Norman and Ralphus’ t-shirt table. He beats on them with a chair for good measure but Cat attacks him from behind. They fight onto a car and Cat throws Funk off, only to have to beat up Norman to cut off his sales pitch. Smiley hits Cat with a chair to give Funk the pin.

Rating: D. This was entertaining at times with the Norman stuff being worth more than the rest of the match. I think I’ve complained enough about Funk’s major push already and at least this was just a one on one match. Miller is fine for a comedy guy but he was never a real threat here.

Norman and Ralphus get arrested. It was a nice idea while it lasted.

Here’s Mike Awesome to brag about crippling Kanyon. He’s got DDP at the Bash but tonight it’s an open challenge. Scott Steiner comes out and promises to put Awesome in the ambulance, which just happens to be ready for them.

Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner kicks him low to start and does the belly to belly into the pushups. I guess the elbow is still in development. Awesome bails to the floor and throws in a chair but Steiner catches it, only to throw it at Mike and miss. It’s Awesome with a low blow this time, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. It says a lot that they have so many gimmick matches that they can’t remember if they’re having another one here or not. The Awesome Bomb is broken up and Steiner puts on the Recliner, only to have Goldberg’s music break it up.

It’s Tank of course but Rick Steiner sneaks in from behind to start a 3-1 on his brother. Cue the Goldberg truck in the arena and the distraction lets Scott throw Rick and Tank at the truck. This is too much for Awesome who gets in the ambulance and drives away, I guess giving Steiner the win. And yes I mean Scott. I shouldn’t have to clarify that someone not in the match can’t win it, but stranger things have happened around here lately.

Rating: D. Like I said, the fact that they seem confused over whether or not they’re having a gimmick match tells you most of what you need to know here. Mike losing again makes me roll my eyes but it’s been clear for a long time that this alleged youth movement is more smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that it’s all about the old guys.

Shane tries to fire up the New Blood but he’s no Russo or Bischoff. Take that however you want to.

Mike Tenay is in the hospital with Kanyon, who has little feeling from the waist down. He saw what was happening in the main event at Slamboree and had to get involved because Page has done so much for him. Kanyon certainly isn’t bothered that Page is out walking while he’s here in the hospital because he’ll survive this. He’s going to turn on Page and the announcers are going to be disgusted at such a horrible thing right?

Shane gets a phone call from Kronik who want him in a three way dance tonight. Douglas hangs up on them and tells the New Blood to watch his door. They tell him to fight his own battles and leave.

During the break, Kronik broke into Shane’s locker room and drag him to the ring for a fight.

Kronik vs. Shane Douglas

It seems that Kronik are the official champions after the win on Monday. Sure why not. Shane tries to fight back with a foreign object but Clark knocks it out of his hand and hits the pumphandle slam. Cue the Wall with a table to chokeslam Shane through a table for revenge from Monday. High Times completes the squash. Tony tries to call this a three way dance but give me a break.

Rating: D-. So tonight’s lesson is the New Blood comes apart as soon as the calm and soothing voices of Russo and Bischoff aren’t around. Yes they’re somehow putting themselves over all the wrestlers despite not even being in the building. Total squash here as it should have been and now the Wall seems to be defecting. I’m sure that means he gets buried soon.

Here’s the new champ with something to say but he has to wait for a FIFTEEN TIMES chant. As usual he says “last night” but at least he corrects himself and says Monday night. Flair tells Jarrett that he was lucky to win on Monday but he still has the belt. Jarrett comes from the old school and that earns Ric’s respect but now it’s time for the champ to worry about his home life.

That brings him to Russo, who was a skinny Italian kid growing up in the Bronx. Russo’s dad told him to be like Bruno Sammartino but Russo thought Bruno wasn’t slick enough. So Russo’s dad bought him cable and one day Russo saw WCW out of Atlanta, Georgia. The sight of Flair scared Russo’s mom (who speaks with a stereotypical Italian accent like Russo’s dad) and all that was left was Russo who had a checkbook but no muscles.

Russo wanted to be a limousine riding jet flying kiss stealing wheeling dealing son of a gun but no muscles, no girlfriends and now he doesn’t even have the World Title. The title represents the old generation and tradition. Flair got lucky but he’s got the belt and the title is all there is in this sport. Since Russo can’t take over the great ones, he’s taking over Ric’s son. Cue Jeff Jarrett and the fight is quickly on but Crowbar and David come in to help with the beating.

This means Horsemen music and Arn with a pipe for the save. Anderson says Russo woke up another old dog last week and he always wakes up grumpy. He was content to just work backstage and do what he could but the reality is he’s a wrestler. When Anderson comes home and sees his kid playing with matches, he stops caring about what people think and whips that kid with a belt so he doesn’t do it again. Anderson holds up the four fingers and says tonight it’s Anderson and Flair one more time.

Vampiro rambles about being the real freak and burns a Sting mask.

Here’s Sting with something to say. He’s been doing this for more than ten years but Vampiro has him about to blow a gasket. Vampiro comes out to say Sting has no backbone because he didn’t finish the job on Monday. Sting wants to be Vampiro and they need to fight again at the Great American Bash in an inferno match. Sting says no so Vampiro lights the ropes on fire.

Shane asks Jarrett for help.

Ric Flair/Arn Anderson vs. Crowbar/David Flair

We cut to the back to see Anderson getting beaten down (apparently he broke his foot in between the segment and the match so he couldn’t go). Jarrett comes out to attack Flair and it’s Crowbar and David to make it 3-1. David puts on the Figure Four but here’s Nash, allowing Flair to small package Daffney for the pin. Another day, another ridiculous win where a no contest would have made sense.

Nash cleans house but Ric collapses on the ramp. From what I can find, including in Flair’s book, this was a legit inner ear issue and not scripted.

The New Blood gets on their bus but they don’t have the keys. The Millionaire’s Club appears and pushes the bus over onto its side. This brings on the Goldberg truck to charge at the bus as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t explain to you how much easier this show was to sit through without Russo showing up all over it. The amount of time he gets on TV every week is one of the major problems WCW has been having lately because it’s complete overkill. Bischoff is around a lot too but it’s nowhere near as annoying with him, probably due to his voice not being so horrible. This show was a nice break from those two as you don’t need them in every segment to make something work. It’s still not good or anything due to the horrible way of running a show, but this was a lot less of a chore to get through than your common Nitro.

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Monday Nitro #239
Date: May 8, 2000
Location: Trans World Dome, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 6,545
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

Sanity. I beg of you, let there be some sanity on this show. We’re FINALLY past the David Arquette title scene, meaning it’s time to start the build to Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett for the World Title at the Great American Bash. Last night’s show was pretty much a disaster, which you could actually argue as a major upgrade. There might even be rules tonight! Let’s get to it.

By the way: the Trans World Dome has a capacity of 66,000 people. Whoever decided to book this building needs to be shot.

We open with a recap from last night which doesn’t work in a minute long package either.

Page is sitting next to Kanyon’s hospital bed with Kanyon in a halo. The New Blood came in and destroyed Page because, as Punk said on Raw that one time, security around here sucks. Kimberly emptied a bedpan on him because that kind of stuff is funny you see.

The Millionaire’s Club’s bus arrives. You can hear Flair talking about wrestling history in this city from here.

Here’s the New Blood, complete with David Arquette in a yellow suit and matching fur coat, to open things up. Bischoff goes through the entire plan of being in league with Arquette the whole time and how they handed Page and then Arquette the title just because they felt like it. So in other words, they did this whole thing for the sake of having fun and were willing to just drop the title because they were bored one day?

Bischoff says he did it to get under the skin of the internet wrestling fans who all thought it was a disgrace to have Arquette win the title. He wanted to royally screw Page. So…..he made him World Champion? Arquette does the big over the top heel speech about how you can’t trust anyone from Hollywood and he roped Page in and because World Champion. Jarrett brags a bit and we cut to the back to see Page arriving. Kimberly says it’s all about her and rips open her coat to reveal very little clothing aside from a purple sports bra with ME written on it. Bischoff: “It’s all about…..her!”

Awesome makes fun of Kanyon being crippled and here’s Page for the brawl. House is cleaned and Arquette takes a Diamond Cutter, only to have Jarrett, Awesome and Cat come back in for the beatdown. This brings out Sting to clean house, which draws in Bagwell/Douglas (confirmed as the champions. It only took five days to figure that out, but Kronik cancels them out and the Millionaire’s Club stands tall.

Post break, Bischoff makes Awesome vs. Page in a stretcher match and Sting vs. Jarrett in a title match.

Hardcore Title: Ralphus/Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending and Norman/Ralphus are fired if they lose. Norman sends Ralphus after Funk first and it works even worse than you would expect it to. The champ knocks Norman into the crowd and they quickly fight into the back with Smiley jumping into a golf cart to chase Funk around.

Terry gets on the back of the card and they go crashing into some crates. This is eerily reminiscent of Kane vs. Raven vs. Big Show at Wrestlemania XVII. They wind up in the kitchen and start beating each other over the head with cookie sheets. Ralphus joins them and gets beaten down all over again. Funk pounds them both down with a sheet and gets the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Oh come on how can you not love Ralphus? It’s a stupid match and a stupid idea that needs to die already but I had a good time with this due to them cutting it down to about four minutes instead of the ten minutes they went at Slamboree. This was one of the more entertaining hardcore matches with the golf cart as a funny idea. Norman and Ralphus have potential.

The announcers talk about David Flair turning on his dad.

Ric tells Luger that he has to deal with David on his own.

Here’s Ric to talk about how Terry Funk told him if he wanted to be a big star, he had to make it to St. Louis on a Friday night. He holds up the NWA World Heavyweight Title (held by Naoya Ogawa at this point) and talks about first seeing it around the waist of Jack Brisco and they gave every single thing they had to be the biggest stars in the world. Then that title went away and the current World Title (Flair holds up a bad looking copy) took its place. “Jarrett, it was mine before it was yours.”

All of this gold means nothing though when you compare it to what happened last night. Ric wants David to come out here right now and apologize for what he did and be his own man instead of trying to be Ric Flair. Cue David and Daffney but Russo quickly joins them. Last night, Russo spat in the face of a long list of people who stand for tradition. Of course he has an actual list and the top name is Ric himself. Now David is standing next to the father that he never had.

Ric tells David that they discussed this when he got in the business a year ago. He told David that people would pull him aside and try to manipulate him. David says he’s angry at Ric (he doesn’t say dad) and Russo wants to make father vs. son at the Great American Bash. Ric pulls out his phone and says he’ll call Vince McMahon right now and have David on Raw next week. David hugs Ric, who goes after Russo, only to have David hit Ric with another Statute of Liberty. The angle is good and interesting, but as usual it’s all about making Russo look good.

Post break, Ric says he’s had it and leaves.

Here’s Chuck Palumbo to Luger’s (the announcers are using the name again) entrance to introduce himself. He calls out Luger so here’s Lex to clean house. Russo and Bischoff’s security comes out to kidnap Liz (again?) but Luger goes after them, allowing Palumbo to hit Lex with the exercise bar. Liz is taken away.

Post break Russo yells at Liz and puts her in her first ever match against Daffney. If Liz wins, she can go with Luger.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Captain Rection

Stasiak runs down Mark McGwire for some easy heat. Rection shrugs off some early offense and pounds down right hands in the corner. Cue Miss Hancock to watch as Hennig comes down to shove Stasiak out of the way of a splash. The PerfectPlex gives Stasiak the pin.

Kevin Nash comes out and destroys Stasiak with a big boot and Jackknife. Nash wants Russo to come out here and face him tonight because he didn’t kill Nash last night. Instead he gets the Filthy Animals with Kidman saying that Nash is low on the scrotum pole (censored when Kidman says it, not censored when Madden repeats it).

Last night Kidman got rid of Hogan and tonight he’d be glad to get rid of another giant. Konnan says screw the Wolfpac and Nash’s over the top shocked face is rather funny. Rey gets in a bat shot to Nash’s knee but Hogan (Madden: “Oh no not again.”) makes the save. Nash grabs the mic and issues a challenge for a street fight tonight. Hogan says first they have to take a Russo and wipe their Bischoff. I bet he spent all day coming up with that line.

Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Stretcher match. Bischoff and Kimberly are here for commentary. Page is on Awesome during the entrance and they’re quickly on the floor. He throws Mike onto the announcers’ table but Awesome comes back with a right hand to the head as they go inside. They miss a few shots until Page finally nails a big clothesline.

A DDT drops Mike again but Kimberly wants Page to sign the divorce papers RIGHT NOW. Awesome gets in a cheap shot and DDT’s Page on a chair twice in a row. Page gets off the stretcher though so Awesome hits him with a chair to bust him open. A powerbomb puts Page through the table and Bischoff has Page sign the papers in his own blood before putting him on the stretcher for the win.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t wild on this one as it was much more story than a match but at least they gave it some time (well time by this era’s standards) for a change. The stuff with Kimberly is fine but again it comes off like a way to have Bischoff next to a gorgeous woman instead of any valid storyline reason.

Russo asks Steiner for protection tonight but Steiner blows him off. Post break Russo is asking Tank Abbott.

Jarrett says he’ll win tonight.

Here are Steiner and the girls with something to say. Steiner talks about beating Rection last night and he found one of his own with the girls at the hotel. After some more sex talk, Steiner calls out that amoeba Booker T. Tank Abbott comes in from behind and knocks Steiner out cold.

Sting says he’ll win tonight.

Harlem Heat vs. Kronik vs. Harris Twins vs. Mamalukes

Elimination rules. Adams and Clark have the title belts so Bagwell and Douglas to watch. Kronik fights off all six men until it’s one of the Twins in the ring. Clark takes him down with a top rope clothesline but let’s cut to Steiner in the back shouting for Tank. Schiavone: “He may be looking for Tank Abbott!” Everyone gets in for another big brawl but Adams hits an F5 for the pin on Vito to even things up a bit more. A big boot takes out Don and it’s 2-2 so Bagwell and Douglas try to help. Harlem Heat double teams Clark down but Cash screws up, leaving High Times to knock Big T. silly and give Kronik the win.

Rating: D. This was another big mess that didn’t get anywhere because it was too much going on. Kronik is clearly getting the titles soon and it’s a good thing to get them off the transitional champions as fast as possible. It also goes to show you how far the division has fallen recently, but at least the Twins are just another team.

Scott Steiner comes out and beats up whoever is in his way before calling out Russo and Abbott. A lot of swearing sends us to the back where Tank is telling someone to get this right. Back from a break and Goldberg’s music plays. Steiner looks bored and it’s Tank Abbott doing Goldberg’s entrance. Tank gets caught in a t-bone suplex followed by a belly to belly before Steiner mounts him with a choke. Rick Steiner returns through the crowd and helps Tank beat him down.

Russo tells someone to be on standby.

Elizabeth vs. Daffney

Liz is in camo pants and a black t-shirt and starts catfighting. Cue Madusa about thirty seconds in to attack Liz, so I guess Liz is free. Granted she’ll be kidnapped again next week.

Mona comes in to brawl with Madusa but Madusa slams her down and stands on her hair. The bell rings roughly 200 times as Madusa beats Mona down, only to have Liz blast Madusa with a chair. Russo and Bischoff’s security kidnaps Liz again as they’re in a hurry this week.

Hulk Hogan/Kevin Nash vs Filthy Animals/Mike Awesome

Street fight. Tony says the previous match was thrown out but I’m the kind of wrestling fan who believes that it’s a DQ when someone comes out to attack a single wrestler so we’ll say it’s a bad continuity error. It’s 4-2 (Konnan/Mysterio/Kidman/Awesome) to start but Juvy walks out a few seconds in. The old guys take over to start but Hogan gets lured to the back. Horace attacks Awesome but the Animals have attacked Hogan with ball bats (he didn’t go off his feet) and thrown him in the trunk of a car. Back in the arena, Nash gives Juvy one heck of a Jackknife as the street fight is thrown out.

The Animals start driving Hogan away but get cut off by Goldberg’s monster truck. Goldberg isn’t seen and Hogan gets out of the trunk post break.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting

Jarrett is defending of course. Sting starts fast with some Japanese armdrags of all things, followed by a clothesline to put the champ on the floor. A suplex from the floor puts Jeff on the ramp (that’s a new one) but Sting misses a top rope splash. Jeff goes after the knee with a chair as Tony wonders why Jarrett didn’t want this to be a title match. Sting gets a big running start down the ramp and dives over the top with a clothesline. So much for the chair shots to the knee.

Jeff didn’t get the idea though and puts on the Figure Four until Sting rolls over to break it up. Sting makes his comeback and cleans house. The Scorpion comes on but Vampiro comes up through the ring with smoke coming out of the hole. Vampiro pulls Sting through the hole and the fans are LIVID. Vampiro pulls Sting, now covered with the red liquid, through the hole to give Jeff the pin. So Madusa coming after Liz is enough to throw a match out but someone pulling a wrestler THROUGH THE RING isn’t?

Rating: D+. This was as good of a wrestling match as you were going to get before the screwy ending. Jarrett and Sting are a good example of a pair who doesn’t need any kind of outside stuff to have a good match and the fans were right to be upset due to that ending. It was straight out of Kane’s (as in what Kane did like a week before this was written fifteen years later. That’s sad) playbook and that’s not going to fly in an old school down like St. Louis.

New Blood comes out and goes after Sting but here are Hogan and Nash. We cut to the back to see the Goldberg truck destroying Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner’s car to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Of course that’s on an extremely sliding scale at this point. This was by far the best Russo and Bischoff show yet as it actually had some structure. It went from story to story and it didn’t feel like I needed note cards to keep track of what was going on. Above all else though, Arquette was taking a backseat to the real wrestlers and not doing anything overly stupid. This flowed so much better as a show and you could tell what was going on, which is more than you can say for most of their shows.

Now that doesn’t make it a good show of course. As usual, there’s still WAY too much Russo and Bischoff, as well as way too much going on in a single show. I still feel like I just watched three weeks of stories in two hours, but the stories made better sense and had some structure instead of all the insanity.

Above all else though, the show isn’t one major story. The show is built around the New Blood vs. Millionaire’s Club, but it feels like a bunch of parts of that story instead of one big idea that keeps going all night long. Finally, it’s also not a good sign that they couldn’t make it a week without changing Flair’s plan for the pay per view, but Heaven forbid we get a match built up for that long. The idea of Russo having to fill that much time is terrifying. Much better show this week, but I have no faith for them to keep it going.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Mayhem 1999
Date: November 21, 1999
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 13,839
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s tournament time with the final four participants in the World Title tournament squaring off to find out who Russo has decided should be his first World Heavyweight Champion. Other than that, we have a bunch of stupid gimmick matches for stories that make next to no sense and are likely there to make fun of the WWF and expose the business as much as possible. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the tournament, which for some reason had 32 people involved (or however many it was when you take out all of the Madusas) and we hear about how the final four got here. Just so you know what’s going on, they recap EVERY SINGLE MATCH before they get to the important ones. Two and a half minutes into the recap, we know the final four names.

Opening video. Wait that wasn’t what we just watched?

The announcers, with Tony in a snazzy suit, preview the show and try to talk over the WE WANT FLAIR chants. I think this is the first time we hear the card in full.

WCW World Title Tournamet Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit

Guess who the fans are behind here. Jeff tries to jump Benoit from the bell but gets chopped into the corner for a tornado DDT for two. A top rope superplex gets two for Benoit less than two minutes in as he’s coming out swinging here. He misses a baseball slide but wins a quick chop off on the floor. That earns him a crotching against the post as the American takes over.

Back in and Jeff gets two off a powerslam (that’s a rare one for him) and almost drops him in a vertical suplex. There’s the sleeper as you can see fans posing to see themselves on the big screen. Normally I would say watch what you paid for, but I’d be stunned if a good chunk of that arena wasn’t papered. Benoit reverses into a sleeper of his own but Jeff belly to backs his way to freedom. Something like an Irish Curse (I won’t bother saying “Canadian Curse?” as it’s WAY too easy of a joke) sets up the Rolling Germans for two on Jeff and here are Creative Control to prevent a good match from breaking out.

Jarrett hot shots him to the floor but Benoit comes back in and rolls through a high cross body for two. A belly to back sets up the Swan Dive but Creative Control breaks it up and lays out Benoit, allowing Jarrett to hit the Stroke. Cue Dustin Rhodes to fight Creative Control as Benoit kicks out at two. The guitar is brought in but Benoit takes it away and blasts Jeff (totally against his character of course) to go to the finals.

Rating: B-. Dang it they almost had me there for a second. I almost thought we were going to get a good match from beginning to end between two talented guys who can work whatever kind of match you ask. But alas, it took three run-ins and a weapon to make this REALLY interesting. It was nice while it lasted though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match and the fans think Jarrett, who isn’t even involved in the show at this point but he used to be in the WWF and therefore matters, sucks.

Disco Inferno insists he cares about the title but is curious how much the gold is worth. He’s bet $25,000 on himself tonight because there’s NO WAY he could lose to Karagias. Jarrett and Creative Control lays him out due to frustration.

Cruiserweight Title: Evan Karagias vs. Disco Inferno

Disco is defending but is also running from gambling bosses who want the money he owes them. The banged up champion has Tony Marinara in his corner but Evan jumps Disco in the aisle, but the referee starts the match anyway. The bell rings and they get inside with Evan getting two off a clothesline. Marinara joins commentary to ask why Heenan is called the Brain. Heenan goes to answer but fugitaboutit. He’s Italian you see. Disco fights back but Evan does some leapfrogs into a dropkick for two. Feel the workrate baby!

A springboard twisting cross body gets two on the champ as the fans have died quite a bit since the opener. Imagine that. The announcers discuss what Schiavone is paid before talking about haircuts. Madusa offers a distraction and we get an awkward, mostly messed up sequence into a rollup from Evan for two. A nice Russian legsweep plants Karagias and the dancing elbow (complete with a kiss to Madusa) gets the same.

Disco throws him to the floor, unfortunately causing Madusa to walk towards the camera. Back in and Evan’s splash hits knees as the fans are REALLY not impressed. With Evan down, Disco goes outside to hit on Madusa. That goes as well as you would expect so Marinara gets leaves the booth to try his hand with Madusa. Evan goes after Tony, who gets chaired in the head by Disco. Tony: “What else can go wrong?” Oh you don’t want to ask that Schiavone. Evan hits a high cross body for the pin and the title, plus $25,000. That makes no sense but whatever.

Rating: D+. Here’s the problem: these matches aren’t cruiserweight style matches. They’re matches that happen to have cruiserweights involved. Evan wrestles a cruiserweight style but he’s just not very good at it. The gambling story is interesting but as usual there’s too much going on in the same match to keep track of it. It didn’t help that Marinara’s HORRIBLE Italian stereotype made the commentary even more horrible.

Bret Hart arrives half an hour into the show.

Russo tells a bloody Jarrett to prove himself by the end of the show or his favors are over.

Norman Smiley is scared of construction workers but is ready for the Hardcore Title match. Well he’s in luck then.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs

The title is vacant coming in and I believe this is for the inaugural championship. I’ve seen this billed as a tournament final but I don’t remember anything but Knobbs getting to face the winner of a match. Norman comes out in Maple Leafs gear to keep the fans behind him. Brian hammers him down with whatever weapons he could find to start but misses a middle rope trashcan shot. Some hockey sticks onto the trashcan onto Knobbs has Brian in trouble but he breaks up the HARDCORE WIGGLE. That’s like the Big Wiggle, but HARDCORE. What’s HARDCORE about it isn’t clear but it’s 1999 so you have to say HARDCORE in a loud voice.

Knobbs finally has a good idea and takes off some of Norman’s pads, only to get nailed in the head with a trashcan lid. Norman goes after Jimmy Hart though, allowing Brian to knocks Smiley into the cart full of weapons. They stagger backstage and just happen to run into a waiting camera crew.

Knobbs sends him through a table and breaks a crutch over Norman’s back. They fight by the hamburger buns and Knobbs’ face is RED. Jimmy throws cans of soup at Norman and this is finally getting to be kind of entertaining. They fight into an elevator and the doors close…..but unfortunately open again with Jimmy hitting Brian with a trashcan by mistake to give Norman the pin and the loudest pop of his career.

Rating: C-. See, the way to make the hardcore matches entertaining is to take them out of the ringside area. These things are so much better when they get creative with them instead of just doing the same weapons spots over and over again. I mean, would you want to try to make something out of Brian Knobbs without mixing things up a bit?

Knobbs beats Norman up post match.

We recap the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals, which is built around kidnapping Torrie Wilson. This story made little secret about it being a way to showcase Torrie, which was one of the best ideas they could have had here.

The Revolution wants to see Torrie get stuck alone without help.

The Animals speak whatever language they use. In a genuinely funny moment, Gene stares at Konnan, so Konnan asks if it’s the hat or the belt this time. Gene in a deadpan voice: “Hat.” Torrie is going to use the Revolution as toothpicks or something.

Marinara is bringing the boys to deal with Disco tomorrow. Disco thinks he’s a dead man.

Jarrett has a 2×4 and is going to deal with someone. That would be the fourth promo segment in 90 seconds on a pay per view.

Revolution vs. Filthy Animals

It’s Saturn/Malenko/Asya vs. Guerrero/Kidman/Torrie and this is elimination rules. Kidman and Guerrero storm the ring to start fast as Douglas sits in on commentary. That’s a very repetitive theme for WCW these days. Eddie backdrops Dean to officially start and the fans chant for Torrie. The guys fall to the floor so Saturn takes both of them out with an Asai Moonsault.

Kidman dives on all of them but a Canadian clown pokes Malenko with a Canadian flag. They treat it like a real fan but you never can tell around here. The girls go at it with Asya getting the better of it but walking into a BK Bomb. Eddie checks on Torrie but shoves Kidman into a rollup for the elimination. After about four seconds of the Revolution’s theme music plays, the Revolution guys jump Eddie and the Animals are in trouble. Saturn kicks Eddie in the back from the apron as Konnan leaves as well. Some teammate.

Asya suplexes Eddie for a round of applause, even though she would be an appetizer for Chyna. Off to Dean who gets dropkicked into the corner, setting up a hurricanrana from Eddie for the elimination. Not quite Hostile City Showdown but that might be entertaining. Saturn t-bones Guerrero down as Torrie is on the floor like a manager due to a bad ankle injury. Heel miscommunication (another running theme tonight) sees Saturn superkick Asya, setting up the Frog Splash to make it 2-1.

It’s Saturn with a northern lights suplex for two as you can see a “Who booked this crap” sign in the front row. Eddie gets out of a sleeper with a jawbreaker and puts on one of his own, only to get tossed down by a belly to back (not a t-bone Tony). A tornado DDT gets two for Eddie but he walks into the Death Valley Driver for a near fall, sending Douglas into a panic. Saturn misses his great looking top rope elbow but rolls through a high cross body into the Rings of Saturn to make Eddie give up. So it’s Saturn vs. Torrie with the girl kicking him low for two. Douglas low blows Torrie with his cast to give Saturn the pin.

Rating: C. This was decent due to the talent in there and Torrie in general but there wasn’t much of chance with how fast the eliminations went down. What was the point of the eliminations anyway? Other than having an unnecessary stipulation, I don’t know why they needed to put it out there. Couldn’t they put Torrie on a pole or something?

Jarrett and Creative Control lays out Bagwell, even though that would be hurting his chances to get rid of Hennig, even though the Powers That Be seem to want to get rid of Bagwell at the same time.

Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell

Loser retires, which makes you wonder why the Powers That Be didn’t give Hennig this stipulation from the start. Or why Buff is in this stipulation at all. Creative Control and Jarrett come in to beat down Hennig and the bell rings as the attack begins. Bagwell comes out with the 2×4 to make the save but Hennig decks him anyway because both of their careers are on the line. The fans chant PERFECT as he takes it to the floor and walks Bagwell around ringside.

Hennig gets in a rant that I couldn’t understand on the headset before they head back inside. Buff knocks him right back to the floor for an ax handle off the apron. Back inside with Buff in control, which Tony interprets as being all Hennig. Curt takes over a few seconds later with a legdrop between Buff’s legs for a smattering of applause. Off to a sleeper (I believe the fifth of the night) before Hennig chokes Buff with Buff’s necklace. That goes nowhere so it’s right back to the sleeper.

An elbow drop with a biceps flex gets two for Curt but Buff claims gimmick infringement and takes control as a penalty. Heenan tries to say this is the most important match of their careers and you can tell he doesn’t believe a word of it. A Blockbuster out of nowhere (seriously, they were just trading punches before it hit) makes Hennig retire. They keep using the term “hang up his boots”, which he’ll probably do literally before taking a pair from the Powers and turning heel.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what happened in this story and it was clear that they just gave up trying about three minutes in. I’m still not sure how we got to this match and why the Powers want to get rid of either guy, but the match was horrible most of the way around. Bad stuff and why do I not believe Hennig is really gone?

Hennig gets a standing ovation from the respectful crowd.

Sting says we may be in Canada but it’s still Showtime.

To give you an idea of Russo’s pace, we’re not even halfway through this show and we have seven matches left. For a comparison, Wrestlemania XXX and XXXI had seven matches total.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Recent DVD releases suggest that Bret is really proud of this one. Sting has already started wrestling in the t-shirt. They shove each other around to start and stare each other in the face before Bret wins a slugout. Tony: “Those have authority!” Something I’ve always wondered: whose authority is that?

It goes outside with Bret still in control before taking it back inside for the Five Moves of Doom. Sting, having seen ANY Bret match ever, is easily able to break them up. Yes, Sting was actually smart. It’s shocking I know but it does happen occasionally. Sting sends him into the buckle but Bret kicks him in the ribs. I guess his horrible knee injury from a few weeks ago is just fine now. A low blow from Sting (who seemed to have turned face again recently) puts Bret down and we hit sleeper number 8 or so tonight.

Back outside for some reason with being sent into the announcers’ table. The Stinger Splash hits the table (at least it wasn’t the barricade again) to change control and they head back inside. Sting pulls the referee in the way of a top rope forearm because we need to get to the interference. As luck would have it, here are Luger and Liz with the former hitting Sting in the knee with the bat.

Bret isn’t cool with that and puts Lex in the Sharpshooter, but that’s a DQ win for Hart. He doesn’t want it that way though so he goes through the Five Moves, gets kicked in the face, and counters the Scorpion into the Sharpshooter to make Sting tap. Again, Russo has no idea how his characters work.

Rating: D+. That’s what he was proud of? It was decent enough but as usual it turned into a brawl instead because neither guy seemed interested in doing a match. They need to pick a side for Sting, but NOT ONE THAT TAPS OUT. Just totally against his character but why should that matter to Russo? I mean, he’s just a wrestler. Interesting coincidence here: the two semi-final matches had exactly the same time at 9:27 each.

Sting shakes Bret’s hand to turn face again I guess.

Benoit says it would be an honor to beat Hart for the title in Canada.

Luger already has a surgical collar on and doesn’t think he can compete tonight against Meng.

Vampiro vs. Berlyn

Dog Collar match just because. You win by pins or submission. In case this isn’t enough, Dr. Death and Ferrara as JR come out with the latter doing commentary. Berlyn hits the referee with the collar as Ferrara lists off football stats. The Misfits are sent to the floor as Wall beats up Vampiro. Wall misses a big boot and gets crotched with the chain as Berlyn stomps on Jerry Only outside. That doesn’t hurt Wall’s bricks though so Vampiro slams him down.

Berlyn comes back in and stomps Vampiro down, only to have Wall put the collar around his own neck. A HUGE chokeslam puts Vampiro down and Wall covers for two. That angers Berlyn but the referee keeps counting anyway. Wall, minus the sunglasses now, throws the collar at Berlyn (Ferrara: “COLLAR! COLLAR! COLLAR!”) and walks away. Vampiro hits a spinwheel kick and throws him down with a release superplex. Now Only gets in for a double suplex, followed by a Vampiro camel clutch with the chain to make Berlyn tap. Vampiro and Berlyn were never attached by the chain.

Rating: F. Next. That’s all I’ve got. Next.

Williams beats up Vampiro and Only, because this whole mess was there so we could have a laugh at JR’s expense. It wasn’t a funny laugh but it was indeed a laugh.

Rick Steiner has forfeited the TV Title and, news to me, was scheduled to defend against Scott Hall tonight. Therefore Hall is now a double champion and issues an open challenge for both titles tonight.

Hennig leaves.

Kimberly is just getting here.

Meng vs. Total Package

Luger is wrestling in the surgical collar. Meng hammers on him to start and no sells a slam. That takes them to the floor with Meng dominating, but Tony thinks the neck brace is a way to block the Tongan Death Grip. And yes, that is EXACTLY the point of the thing. Back in and Meng tries the Death Grip to no avail. Meng chokes in the corner (should that work either?) and Luger screams for help. Luger: “HELP!” See? He screamed for help.

Luger tries a headbutt to about as much avail as you would expect and Meng runs him over a few more times. A kick to the face gets two and Meng chokes on the ropes, only to pull Luger up so Liz maces Luger by mistake (same deal that started the feud). Meng takes off the brace and puts on the Death Grip to win.

Rating: D-. A month ago Luger went over Bret on pay per view and now he’s jobbing to Meng in five minutes. This was a one idea match and it made Meng out to be a one move wrestler. I could have seen this sort of thing on Thunder but instead we get it late in the second hour of a pay per view. Only in Russo World. Also only in Russo World can Liz play Jimmy Hart to Luger’s Brian Knobbs and Meng’s Norman Smiley as it’s basically the exact same ending from an hour ago.

Bret says he’s been here for two years and is going to win the title he deserves. Luger can be heard shouting for Liz as he’s talking.

David Flair is polishing his crowbar in anticipation of holding Kimberly down against her will or making her scream that she can’t take it anymore.

TV Title/US Title: Scott Hall vs. ???

After the survey, with Hall saying Nash is on his way, the open challenge is answered by…..Booker T. Well he does deserve a big spot like this. If nothing else, Booker is the second young guy to get a shot at a main event star tonight. Ignore the commentators’ surprise after his music came on for a second and then went back off. Hall is insanely over because this is Canada and if you were over in the WWF, you were over forever. For life you might say.

Hall drives the shoulders in to start but Booker hook kicks him for two and some booing. A forearm puts Hall on the floor and he has to check for loose teeth. Back in and the chokeslam and fall away slam have Booker in trouble and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Hall puts on a sleeper and we’ve got Jarrett plus Creative Control. Tony makes sure to point out that they’re Patrick and Gerald because that’s so funny. Booker fights out and kicks both twins down but gets caught in the Outsider’s Edge to retain the titles.

Rating: D. It’s a shame too as this could have been a good match had they just let these guys fight. In theory this is just Booker getting screwed by the Powers and not Hall being on their side, unless there’s some grand scheme to get all the titles on a select group of Russo backed wrestlers. Nah that couldn’t happen.

Midnight comes out for the save.

Luger is still trying to find Liz.

We recap David Flair vs. Kimberly. So Kimberly tried to get David to sleep with her for reasons not clear, but she wound up sleeping with Ric instead. That sent David into insanity so she ran him over with a car. He was crazy enough to no sell it and has turned into a B-movie stalker ever since. Note that instead of Ric vs. Page in what could be a decent match, this is the best we can get.

Kimberly vs. David Flair

After running scared of David for weeks, Kimberly comes out in leather pants and a low cut backless top with a smirk on her face (she looks great in other words). David no sells a low blow and shoves the referee down, so Kimberly drops to her knees. You know what the fans are chanting. She unbuckles his pants and takes out the cup he was wearing before getting in some kicks as the fans turn on this mess. David stands up so here are Kanyon and Page (Why was he not with his wife all night???) to lay out Flair. Arn Anderson comes out to save David and gets beaten up by the tire iron. That’s the, ahem, match.

Anderson is taken out on a stretcher.

We recap the Goldberg vs. Sid rematch from last month where the match was stopped due to Sid’s excessive bleeding. Sid has kind of turned face since then so this should be interesting. Horrible of course but interesting.

Sid says he won’t say he quits.

Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious

I Quit match. The fans boo Goldberg to start and then INSTANTLY start chanting his name. That’s one fickle group. They start slugging it out before Goldberg even gets in the ring as Heenan says this is like the Super Bowl or the World Series. It heads to the floor immediately and the fans think Goldberg sucks. Back in and Sid’s cobra clutch slam gets a nice reaction. He slowly chokes and rips at Goldberg’s face and plants him with a pair of chokeslams.

Goldberg pops back up and cranks on the arm before picking him up and clotheslining him down a few times without letting go of the bad arm. The fans boo this out of the building as Goldberg puts on a horrible cobra clutch (Goldberg: “This is it.”) for the win with Sid passing out. Well having Goldberg’s hand on your forehead and holding your hand is indeed painful looking.

Rating: F-. This was supposed to be Hart vs. Austin, but that was four times longer than this, had two competent wrestlers, and a ton of emotion. Oh and that whole iconic image thing. Instead, as usual with Russo, they tried to get to the ending without putting in the effort first and it looks like a disaster instead of what they were going for.

Luger says Liz knows she screwed up and he’ll find her.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit

Feeling out process to start until Bret takes him down in an armbar. A headlock puts Bret down for one and they hit a pinfall reversal sequence, capped off by a Crossface attempt to send Bret into the ropes. The fans are WAY into this one as they know one of their heroes is coming out champion.

Benoit gets sent to the floor and the Canadian Clown from earlier jumps the barricade to attack him with the flag. It’s Dean Malenko in something else he probably hated doing. Bret chases him off and piledrives Benoit for two. A belly to back gets two on Hart and both guys are already beaten down. The tombstone and Swan Dive get two more as we have Outsiders (late to break up the pin so Bret had to make an awkward kickout).

They nail the referee so Goldberg comes out to deal with them. That earns him a chair to the back but Bret helps fight them off as we’re left with Benoit vs. Goldberg in the ring. A new referee comes out as Goldberg fights the Outsiders on the stage. The screen splits to show the three of them fighting in the back while the WORLD TITLE is being decided in the ring. Benoit goes after the leg but the Figure Four sends Bret right to the ropes.

With the knee suddenly fine again, Bret scores with a backbreaker followed by a superplex. Bret starts in on the back and throws Benoit to the floor, where Benoit is pelted with trash. Back in and Chris rolls some Germans but can’t get the Crossface. Instead Bret sweeps the legs and puts on the Sharpshooter for the submission and the title.

Rating: B. Well that was…..well it was something. It’s the best wrestling match in the Russo Era so far, but that’s covering some very shallow ground. The ending being clean helps this a lot and gave it the legitimacy it was needing. However, this brings up the same question that comes up every night: what was the need for the interference? What did those three coming to the ring add to this match in the slightest? They even threw in a split screen to make sure you knew they weren’t doing anything important. Bret winning the title is a good thing, though it should have been a year ago at the latest.

Bret’s family comes in to celebrate and he hugs Benoit. Tony says this is just another day in Bret’s career to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The opener and main events carry this as far as they can but the rest drags it down through the floor, the concrete and the upper half of the earth’s mantle. Way too much interference and nonsense throughout the show cripples it as the stuff they have ranges from not making sense to being there just to pad out the show in the place of wrestling. It’s clear that they have no idea what they’re doing on a wrestling show and somehow it’s only going to get worse. The wrestlers are trying where they can, but they’re fighting a guerrilla war against people that hate what they do and why they’re there.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: November 4, 1999
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 5,091
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Scott Hudson

It’s a taped show in the Russo Era, which is the kind of thing nightmares are made of. I’m not sure anyone wants to see what’s going on with this show but at least it’s only two hours instead of three and there are no tournament matches in sight. Maybe it’ll even make sense! Ok I got ahead of myself there. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Evan Karagias vs. Juventud Guerrera

This is the third shot at this match after having Bret and Sid interrupt the previous attempts. The fans aren’t pleased with Juvy so he fires off kicks at Evan, only to charge into a boot and a powerslam for two. Well we’re already closing in on the first match’s time. Juvy escapes a suplex but fails on a rollup attempt, setting up a double clothesline to put both guys down.

Back up and Evan chops away, only to duck his head and get caught by a DDT. Juvy again stops to pose for the crowd and walks into a gorilla press hot shot. Evan misses a Lionsault but is still able to crotch Juvy on the top. They slug it out until Norman Smiley of all people comes out to interrupt, meaning the match doesn’t end again.

Rating: C-. This could potentially be a running joke. Granted the joke would have a shelf life of about a month but there’s potential there. Unfortunately I don’t think that’s the plan and they just don’t care about the match and are using it as a backdrop for people to come out here and break the script for whatever they have to talk about. As usual, Russo has so much to do that he can’t fit it all into five hours of TV a week.

Norman asks Juvy (in Spanish) for a minute. Now, everyone knows that Norman is hardcore to the bone and is here to bring the Big Wiggle to the division. When you think of hardcore, you think of one man: NORman. Both cruiserweights beat him up but he eventually collapses, causing them to dropkick each other. With both guys down, IT’S WIGGLE TIME! Norman is WAY too talented for this but he’s hilarious in the role.

Shane Douglas thinks the Revolution should allow new members if someone good is available. Saturn says even NFL teams screw up in their first draft picks sometimes.

Sid, in red pants and a hat that covers about 25% of his hair, is told that there’s a change in booking tonight. His match: teaming with Saturn to face Rick Steiner and Chris Benoit. Oh that wacky Russo. Sid isn’t happy but he’ll do it.

Booker T. vs. Kaz Hayashi

Booker easily sends him into the corner to start but lets him out with a clean break. That Booker is a nice guy. A powerslam drops Hayashi but Booker poses too long (common problem tonight) and misses an elbow, allowing Kaz to fire off some low dropkicks. Why do I have a feeling that’s the extent of his offense in this match?

T. heads outside where Kaz teases a dive to make Booker duck, only to hit the slingshot dive on the real attempt. Sensing his brother being in trouble, Stevie comes over and pounds on Kaz and of course the referee is all fine with this. Back in and Booker nails a Rock Bottom, followed by the 110^th Street Slam and the missile dropkick for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was supposed to be a squash but it wound up being Harlem Heat having to team up to beat Kaz Hayashi. Booker really shouldn’t be having issues like these against someone as low level as this. It’s almost like they have no idea how to book someone in the midcard. Also, this is going to be the closest thing we have to a clean finish all night isn’t it?

The Filthy Animals steal Doug Dillinger’s wallet with Torrie offering a distraction. Again, we’re supposed to cheer for these guys right?

Rick Seiner says he and Sid will be the last men standing in the tag match tonight. Ok then.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Coach Buzz Stern

That’s Glacier if you’ve tried to block this from your memory. Coach actually takes over with a shoulder block and backbreaker to start as student Luther Biggs takes notes. That makes sense, as does the Animals taking his notebook. Hoodlums. Eddie nails a headscissors that sends Stern over to yell at the Animals, who promptly destroy him for about 30 seconds. Of course this doesn’t matter because WCW referees are worthless, including allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb to set up the frog splash for the pin. Comedy match.

Biggs gets beaten down as well and the Animals steal Stern’s shirt.

The challengers for the Tag Team Titles don’t seem to get along but are ready to win the belts. Their names: Berlyn and Curly Bill. This really shouldn’t surprise you.

Rick Steiner warns Benoit that it’s going to be a long night. I reiterate: ok then.

Tournament recap.

The Revolution want to know why Sid is teaming with Saturn, but Sid just says he isn’t happy. Were they running really short tonight?

Gene interviews La Parka of all people, with La Parka speaking Spanish about making it big in the United States and facing Buff Bagwell. That’s pretty basic stuff, but the captioning is a huge rant about La Parka wearing his costume as a tribute to He-Man villain Skeletor because he has every episode on tape at his house and will defeat Bagwell tonight BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL! I know I rip on Russo a lot (and with good reason), but this was hilarious.

Buff Bagwell vs. La Parka

After a quick recap of what these two have been through so far, we see that Buff isn’t that into the match again. La Parka does his dance but throws in the Hogan hand to the ear to keep himself the most over unimportant luchador on the roster. An armdrag puts Buff down and they take more time to play to the crowd. After a lot of strutting from both men, La Parka slams him down a few times.

Buff tries to get the fans to cheer for La Parka, but the masked man gets ticked off. He tells Buff to come after him so Bagwell stomps away in the corner before kneeling in the middle of the ring so La Parka can kick him like he did on Nitro a few weeks back. This time though Buff ducks and stomps away, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D. La Parka is rapidly becoming a favorite of mine, but this Buff storyline is killing whatever interest anyone else can dig up. It’s all this “haha we’re so smart that we’re going to expose the business to make the sheep keep watching”, even though the shows are getting almost unwatchable at times. But hey, people are talking! They’re laughing and calling this show a disaster and it’s killing any future potential, but they’re talking!

Kidman is too preoccupied with Torrie being back to worry about defending the titles tonight. Usually that line would make me roll my eyes, but it’s Berlyn and Curly Bill. Come on.

Tag Team Titles: Konnan/Kidman vs. Berlyn/Curly Bill

Guess who’s defending. The intros take forever as all of the Animals have to jabber on like all those young 90s kids talked. I’ll give them this on their entrances: going from rap to opera to country is quite the variety. Berlyn fires off a bunch of strikes at Kidman to start but Kidman ducks under some clotheslines and gets two off a cross body. A powerslam puts Kidman down but Berlyn is dumb enough to try a powerbomb.

Kidman has been practicing though as he punches down instead of breaking it up with the usual faceplant. Off to Konnan for his finishing sequence but he whips Berlyn into the ropes instead of going for the Tequila Sunrise, earning him a clothesline. Off to Bill who CLEANS HOUSE (!) but quickly wants the tag. That’s not good with Berlyn, who knocks him out with the loaded glove, setting up the Tequila Sunrise.

Rating: D-. So the Neo Nazi punched out the black cowboy so the Spanish speaker and his fellow thieves can retain their titles. Which part of that makes you scratch your head? That’s a serious question actually as I’m really curious to see which one of them is the most bizarre. This is another stupid idea that just gets thrown out there for surprise value.

The Animals stomp Bill because they’re good guys like that.

Gene brings out Lash Leroux, who says he doesn’t trust Disco as far as he can throw his granddaddy’s mule. Disco has his Cajunweight title and Lash is coming for it.

After a break, Gene brings out Van Hammer, who is the rumored newest member of the Revolution. “For the Revolution, I’ll be a revelation.” No you won’t be. You suck too much.

Silver King vs. Lash Leroux

Feeling out process to start until Leroux gets taken down with a drop toehold. A standing Harlem Hangover gets two for King before Lash rolls under a spinwheel kick to send King down. It’s time for the dance into the splits into a clothesline before they head outside where King whips him hard into the steps. Back in and Leroux comes right back with a high cross body, only to get kicked HARD in the head to put him down again.

King goes to the ropes for something like a springboard Whisper in the Wind splash for two. They head outside one more time and now it’s King being sent into the barricade. Back in again and Lash gets taken down by another drop toehold but he avoids something like a Lionsault. A quick dropkick sets up the Whiplash for the pin.

Rating: C-. When did Silver King get this good at high flying? He was busting out some pretty insane stuff out there despite looking like a little butter ball. Lash isn’t bad but he really doesn’t have a character outside of being Cajun, and you can only rely on that accent for so long.

Benoit says Malenko is his prey now and he’ll fight Sid and Steiner by himself if he has to.

Dean Malenko vs. Van Hammer

Hudson says three fourths of the Revolution is here. I’d assume he means Benoit is the missing link because WCW announcers are stupid. Hammer says he should be in the Revolution and says they can do this the easy way or the hard way. Dean decks him for general purposes and goes after the knee. Hammer limps around but actually catches Dean in a powerslam. He can’t follow up though because of his knee and Dean nails him with a flying clothesline.

Since you need help with Van Hammer, Saturn gets in a knee shot of his own. Back up and Dean misses a charge, setting up a quick Flashback for two. We hit the cobra clutch but of course there’s a ref bump (that should be the center square on Russo Bingo so far), allowing the rest of the team to crotch Hammer on the post. The Cloverleaf makes Hammer tap.

Rating: D. Gah they can’t just let a match go simply can they? At some point the fans are going to catch on to all the ref bumps (by at some point I mean by the second one) and stop caring. Then again one of the big stories right now is THIS IS ALL FAKE AND I HATE THE BOOKING so I don’t think insulting their intelligence is all that big of a priority.

Video showing how much the Powers That Be have been screwing with lower midcard guys and Madusa. This doesn’t make the whole thing any better.

Battle Royal

Steve Regal, Dave Taylor, Chris Adams, Jerry Flynn, Prince Iaukea, Scotty Riggs, El Dandy, Chavo Guerrero

E freaking gads man. Apparently this is an Opportunity Knocks battle royal and the seven non-winners are on the bubble for roster spots and the winner gets a golden opportunity on Nitro. Why do I have a feeling that’s code for getting squashed by Goldberg or getting nothing because WCW won’t remember it?

Oh and just because we need one, Hudson says this isn’t a good time “to go up north.” This is from November 1999. The WWF had been a national promotion for what……at least twelve years now? And yes I get that it’s their headquarters but it’s another stupid insider line that most fans won’t get and another reason why WCW is stupid.

It’s a huge brawl to start with El Dandy being thrown out just after the bell. The Brits get in a fight (it’s expensive living in England) and Chavo takes advantage by knocking out Adams. Regal responds by kicking him low before Riggs, Flynn and Iaukea are all out in a hurry, leaving us with Regal, Taylor and Guerrero. The Brits get together but Taylor clotheslines Regal by mistake but gets eliminated anyway. A quick catapult sends Regal out to give Chavo the win as the announcers say there are seven roster spots open.

Rating: F. I don’t often do this, but I’m going to give a spoiler for this coming Nitro: Chavo wins nothing. He goes into the Powers That Be’s office and asks for his opportunity. Russo says that the opportunity for Chavo is selling Amway and throws him out. I knew something like that was going to happen as soon as this match started not because I read a spoiler, but because that’s how WCW works these days. Total waste of time and a nothing match.

Rick and Sid talk about doing the finger poke ending. That’s referenced and used WAY too often.

Sid Vicious/Perry Saturn vs. Chris Benoit/Rick Steiner

Let’s get this over with. Asya and Saturn come out, with Saturn saying that’s one fourth of the team. If Asya counts as a member, it’s one half. If Asya doesn’t count as a member, it’s one third. Again, WCW announcers are all stupid. It’s in their contracts. Here’s the opening of the match: Rick drops down for a cover but small packages Sid for two (just like Hall did on Monday). Sid responds by powerbombing him (hopefully ending their friendship) and leaving, meaning it’s Saturn vs. Benoit. Somehow this match might now suck!

They slug it out in the corner with Benoit getting the better of it with chops and a back elbow to stop a running Saturn. A backbreaker gets two on Saturn but he pops back up with a t-bone suplex. Benoit has to raise his knees to block a Lionsault and Rick gets on the apron for a tag.

Thankfully Benoit is a wrestling fan and doesn’t let him in….and Steiner blasts him with a clothesline because WE NEED RICK STEINER IN OUR LIVES! Steiner suplexes Saturn too, just so we know he’s way better than both guys, and leaves. The Crossface doesn’t work so Benoit rolls some Germans instead. The Swan Dive misses but Malenko comes in for the DQ anyway.

Rating: C. This was one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a good while but it was mostly Benoit vs. Saturn for four minutes so I can’t complain. Yet again we have more overbooking because Russo is so sure we need it, meaning we get nonsense like Sid getting a paycheck for 45 seconds of “work” and Rick Steiner laying out everyone because he’s Rick Steiner and therefore has to be dominant. Oh geez we’re getting Sid vs. Steiner now aren’t we?

The Filthy Animals run in to attack everyone to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was actually a pretty watchable show when they let the wrestlers wrestle. They kept things moving for the most part which is the best thing they could do on a show like this. It’s kind of nice to have something almost completely unrelated from the title tournament stuff, but it’s kind of terrifying that this was their second best batch of ideas.

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Thunder
Date: October 28, 1999
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 5,091
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

The company has been turned upside down in the last week and a half as suddenly there’s a World Title tournament for the vacant belt, wrestling doesn’t matter, and the Filthy Animals are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Now to be fair that means Torrie on TV a lot more so maybe this isn’t all bad. Heaven help us with whatever Thunder is going to become. Let’s get to it.

Opening montage.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

This is a rematch from when Bret interrupted their match on Nitro a few weeks back. Evan misses an early dropkick and gets headscissored down but Juvy stops to pose. He spends too long though and gets sent into the buckle so Evan can hammer away in the corner. A spinwheel kick drops Evan but he reverses a suplex into one of his own. They’re starting to pick things up a bit. Juvy nails a dropkick and a headbutt before yelling at the fans…..and here’s Sid so never mind.

Sid actually doesn’t destroy them and lets Juvy leave. He says he’s undefeated and has proof that Goldberg didn’t beat him. Sid throws out an open challenge to anyone in the back and Juvy comes back in to sit on the ropes. Thankfully that’s just a red herring as Benoit comes out to accept the challenge. Sid promises to cripple Benoit tonight and chokeslam the cruiserweights to restore our faith in him.

The announcers chatter about Benoit.

The Maestro is in the back and talks about being the star of the show. This character is as much of a disaster as Berlyn.

Chavo Guerrero is looking for Goldberg because he wants TV time.

Prince Iaukea vs. The Maestro

Good grief end this show already. Iaukea dropkicks Maestro as he turns around so Maestro points a finger at him. THE DEVASTATION! We get into some basic stuff with both guys trading wristlocks until Maestro slugs him into the corner. A whip sends Prince across the ring and Maestro follows him up with even more punches. Prince chops and backdrops for two but eats a knee lift and gets caught in an STF (the Encore) for the submission. Short, bad and the Maestro vs. Prince Iaukea. I think that sums the whole thing up.

Quick recap of the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals with Torrie being kidnapped on Monday.

Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko vs. Silver King/El Dandy

Shane says Asya is keeping Torrie wherever the Revolution wants her. Malenko threatens to break Benoit’s legs on Monday in their tournament match. The Revolution throws their victims to the floor but Silver King comes back in for something like a running DDT to Saturn. Dandy comes in for a double drop toehold and a double kick to the chest to keep Saturn in trouble.

Back to King but Dean offers a distraction and Saturn kicks Silver in the face. It’s off to Dean for a basement dropkick and a lot of spitting, setting up Saturn’s top rope knee. The Revolution takes King outside for some choking before a suplex/high cross body combo gets two. King gets in a few shots for the tag to Dandy for a missile dropkick to Dean. A plancha takes Saturn down as well (barely touching him but the dive looked good) but Dean nails Dandy with a chair, setting up the Cloverleaf for the win.

Rating: D+. Another squash here and a bit better performance from the luchadors than I was expecting. That being said, we’re two days into the Revolution vs. Animals feud and I’m already sick of both teams. Neither is likeable in the slightest and the Revolution has gone completely against their original idea. This was acceptable but at least it didn’t involve the Animals.

Chavo searches for Goldberg.

Long recap of Nitro. This felt like filler.

Harlem Heat is ready for Curly Bill tonight but Chavo interrupts to talk about looking for Goldberg.

The Revolution gets in a car.

Curly Bill says there are no problems in the Rednecks and he needs to go back and tend to the moose on his ranch. Gene doesn’t think ranches have moose and Curly goes off on him about being the real cowboy here. Ok that wasn’t bad.

Stevie Ray vs. Curly Bill

Oh…..joy. Stevie jumps him at the bell and stomps away in the corner as Booker is on commentary, talking about facing Jeff Jarrett in the tournament. Stevie misses a middle rope elbow but no sells Curly’s shoulders and kicks him in the face. They head outside with Curly going face first onto the announcers’ table (Booker: “ARE YOU OK?”, followed by a right hand to the face). Back in and Stevie gets two off a side slam but the referee gets bumped. Dear goodness enough with that nonsense. Curly hits him with the boot but Booker comes in for a hard Harlem side kick, setting up the Slap Jack for the pin.

Rating: D-. This ref bump stuff has to stop. There’s one on almost every show now and they’re not even in the main events. This was a three and a half minute squash but the squasher needed a ref bump to win. That doesn’t make sense and misses the entire point of basic wrestling booking.

Konnan/Kidman/Eddie Guerrero vs. Steven Regal/Chris Adams/Dave Taylor

Before the match, all of the Animals talk about wanting to do various things to the Revolution, including playing them like marks. Rey jumps in on the announcers’ table to talk about the Revolution. Taylor goes right after Eddie to start and avoids an early dropkick before taking Eddie down with European uppercuts and a basement dropkick of his own.

Off to Adams, who gets caught by a rolling clothesline from a crotch grabbing (his own at least) Konnan. As Rey tries to get money out of Zbyzsko, Konnan jumps over Adams in the corner but eats a European uppercut from Regal. Off to Kidman who sends Regal into the ropes, nearly knocking Adams off by mistake. Kidman throws Regal down but charges into a hot shot to change control again.

The Brits start stomping away until Kidman blocks a powerbomb. Konnan, ever adherent to the rules, comes in to nail Adams without tagging. Kidman charges into Regal’s elbow in the corner and it’s off to Adams, who goes up and tries…..something resembling a Superman Punch but crashes down. The hot tag brings in Guerrero to clean house as everything breaks down. Eddie hits a quick suplex on Taylor and a big frog splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: C. Not the worst match in the world, Filthy Animals annoyance aside. They’re just unlikeable people who ramble on with lingo that ranges from sounding stupid to making no sense while seemingly want to rape every member of the Revolution. Somehow, one of the most likeable wrestlers of all time in Rey Mysterio is associated with this group and WCW seems to think the fans will find them to be the good guys.

Oh and the Filthy Animals steal the losers’ robes for good measure.

Chavo is on the phone, saying he’s going to get himself over since Goldberg isn’t here to do it for him. Wrestlers using this lingo today would appeal to an extremely niche audience. In 1999, this might as well be Martian.

Berlyn speaks English to say that his master plan is in effect and we will all serve him one day. His plan is to lose to Brad Armstrong?

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Lash Leroux

Lash says he’s going to win the tournament and be the younger World Champion ever. I think Giant still has his beat even if he wins. Chavo comes out and reminds us that he’s looking for Goldberg for no apparent reason. Lash goes right after him to start and does his splits but misses a clothesline, allowing Chavo to hook a headscissors.

A belly to back gets two for Chavo and he slugs away in the corner. Lash jawbreaks out of a chinlock and gets two of his own off a suplex. That goes nowhere so Chavo takes him into the corner for a stomping but gets forearmed in the head, setting up a chinlock. We get a very sudden BORING chant which almost feels piped in.

I would ask why a company would do that, but this is one of the least stupid things WCW has done in recent weeks. More really basic stuff changes control a few times until Chavo gets a positive reaction and a near fall off a dropkick. Guerrero scores with a clothesline and some chops in the corner, only to get caught in Whiplash for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. So Chavo wants to find Goldberg, gets cheered by the fans and then loses to Lash Leroux. Somehow they’ve managed to fit that much plot into about 75 minutes after Chavo having almost nothing to do for weeks. If they could find a happy middle ground, I’d be curious to see where some of these ideas went. As it is, I barely remember them by the end of the show because of how fast they come and go.

Kidman records Buff Bagwell and Scotty Riggs talking about the finish of a match. I think I know where this is going and I can feel the headache coming.

Ernest Miller, flanked by three women, gets out of a white limo. So he’s the Godfather now? I’ve heard worse ideas.

Berlyn vs. Jerry Flynn

Just cut the cord already. During the entrances, we hear that WCW is filming a movie in Los Angeles. My goodness it’s Ready to Rumble time isn’t it? Berlyn goes right at him and hits a kind of floatover DDT before cranking on a wristlock. Shouldn’t that be the other way around? They trade kicks before Berlyn sends him into the ropes for a kick to the face, a nipup and another dropkick for the best looking sequence he’s done in years.

More kicks to Jerry set up a belly to back but Flynn avoids a charge against the ropes. Jerry fires off his usual array of strikes but throws in some right hands to show his versatility. The Bodyguard intercepts Jimmy Hart (who is the face here anyway?) and nails Flynn for missing a charge, giving Berlyn an easy victory.

Rating: D. He’s evil, German and apparently athletic when he wants to be. This character is dead in the water though and they need to find something else for him to do. That’s one area where Russo truly was excellent: finding a new character for someone. The words “creative has nothing for you” do not exist on his watch. The gimmick might be insane and ridiculous, but he would have something.

Chavo is still looking for Goldberg but finds Sid instead. “YOU WANT TV TIME?” A chokeslam leaves Chavo on a cart, end scene.

Here’s Ernest Miller with the three good looking women. After telling the rednecks to sit down, he informs us that he’ll be in the tournament on Monday against doctor’s orders. THIS warranted coming to the ring and talking?

Benoit thinks Sid is running his mouth too much. I’d say it’s more that he’s wrestling too much but that’s just me. Benoit isn’t done with Malenko either.

Scotty Riggs vs. Buff Bagwell

Some things never change. We recap Buff’s kayfabe murdering story about not wanting to job ever again because he doesn’t care for the Powers That Be. This would be the REAL part in the middle of all the fake stuff you’re seeing. I have no idea if Bagwell is a face or a heel here and I think that’s the point. Riggs doesn’t have the mirror anymore. They trade full nelsons to start until Buff breaks out and just stands in the corner.

Tenay promises us eight more tournament matches on Monday. Be still my beating heart. Riggs gets taken down in a headlock but walks into a dropkick to send him into the ropes for more staring. Some leg work keeps Bagwell down and a high cross body gets two. Riggs looks stunned because, I kid you not, that was supposed to be the finish. The referee yells at Bagwell but he small packages Riggs for the pin with the referee slowly counting it. Bagwell’s music doesn’t play and THAT WAS A SHOOT. BECAUSE FANS KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Rating: F. “Come see Buff Bagwell! He’s bored and not trying because he doesn’t agree to our scripted finishes! By paying us your money, you’ll get to see him stand around and not care and barely put any effort into his matches!” Vince Russo was paid to think of this idea and then asked you to pay money to watch it play out on pay per view. Russo somehow convinced people he was a genius by doing this. Maybe he’s smarter than we all are and we just can’t keep up with him.

Mayhem ad.

Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious

Please….be gentle? Sid shoves him around to start and fires off some kicks to the ribs (Daniel Bryan has nothing to worry about) followed by a right hand to the jaw. Benoit comes back with strikes of his own and a middle rope dropkick for two but the kickout sends him flying out to the floor. Back in and Benoit flashes back to Fall Brawl by going after the leg. Why he thinks Sid will sell now is anyone’s guess.

A few cannonballs down onto the leg look to set up the Figure Four but Sid kicks him right back to the floor. This time the big man follows him out and drops Benoit across the barricade before taking him back in for choking, choking, forearms to the chest and more choking.

Benoit’s comeback is stopped cold by a big boot and we hit the camel clutch so Sid can rest after his hard day in the ring. A few slams get two each on Benoit but he pops up and grabs a German suplex. The Swan Dive misses but Sid is too spent to follow up, allowing Benoit to slap on the Crossface. You know Sid isn’t tapping though so here are Saturn and Malenko for the DQ.

Rating: D+. So to clarity, Benoit is now the guy that puts up a good fight against the bigger names but is never allowed to be on their level. Thanks for wasting our time with the Bret tribute match and the US Title reigns, because it’s pretty clear that none of it means anything just a few weeks later.

Sid powerbombs everyone to make it clear that no one is on his level. The Filthy Animals run out to beat up the pieces of the Revolution to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Nitro was more entertaining than this. Thunder continues to be almost nothing beyond average and makes us sit through a ref bump in a Curly Bill vs. Stevie Ray match. The wrestling is bad, the stories range from nonsensical to previews for a Nitro way too complicated to keep track of. Yet somehow, I’d take this over the recent episodes. At least this is so insane that it’s fascinating to watch in a way while the recent ones were a way to cure my sleepless nights.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #211
Date: October 25, 1999
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 9,630
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re finally past Halloween Havoc and as usual with pay per views, a lot has changed. First up would seem to be Goldberg coming out as both United States and World Champion, but only the former is for sure. After Hogan laid down against Sting for no apparent reason, Goldberg beat the champ in an open challenge, which may or may not be for the title. Tonight we should find out what’s going on so let’s get to it.

A paintless Sting is walking through the back (I’m been skipping a lot of these segments as they’re literally just people walking) and shouting for JJ Dillon while throwing things all over the place.

Opening sequence.

Sting heads to the ring and calls out JJ Dillon, because last night he issued a challenge for a fight, not a title match. Dillon comes out and Sting repeats most of what he already said but throws in that he was trying to bail them out of a bad situation with Hogan. Why do I have a bad feeling that’s the extent of Hogan information tonight?. The title was never on the line, so Sting wants his belt back. JJ agrees that the title wasn’t on the line, because WCW never sanctioned that match. Therefore, the title is vacant due to Sting attacking the referee after the match.

Oh come on. That’s some very convenient enforcing of the rules given what half the roster gets away with on a regular basis. Also ignore the fact that it wasn’t even in a match so why should it have any impact on th…..never mind. I’m staying out of the quicksand that is WCW/Russo logic. There’s going to be a 32 man tournament and Sting can be a participant. That earns Dillon a beating until Goldberg comes out for the save.

Here are the brackets.

Bret Hart

Goldberg

Perry Saturn

Eddie Guerrero

Norman Smiley

Bam Bam Bigelow

Kidman

Konnan

Total Package

Rick Steiner

Diamond Dallas Page

David Flair

???

Madusa

Brian Knobs

Sting

I’m sure we’ll see the other half later, because I’m sure it’s completely prepared at this point. Also Madusa is now a man? JJ specifically said 32 MAN tournament.

The Outsiders are here with a cooler but Mike Graham comes up and tells them they have to wrestle tonight. Nash’s retirement isn’t addressed because that’s in the old regime or something.

Norman Smiley says last night’s match was amusing and thinks Bigelow is tough. Oh and he likes to dance. If Russo being in charge means more short interviews for people who don’t often get TV time, maybe he’s not all bad.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Norman is terrified so Bigelow decides this is going to be a hardcore match. Bigelow throws in weapons as Norman hides behind the referee, only to get hit in the head with a broom. He puts the trashcan on Norman’s head but Norman kind of headbutts him and falls with a low blow ala Sting. It’s time to dance before Norman quickly covers Bigelow for the pin. This was a mess and didn’t even break ninety seconds.

Hall and Nash are in the back and Nash says he can’t work. Hall says he can’t comment until the top of the hour. He won’t listen to Mike Graham either.

Recap of the Filthy Animals vs. Ric Flair.

Here are the Filthy Animals with Torrie sporting a shiny silver outfit that Kidman really seems to enjoy. Eddie talks about how WCW will never be able to break the team up. Now Ric Flair has been coming after them, so look at this tape to see what happened. The video show Ric being dragged away to what looks like the desert and being buried in sand. Egads this is really happening.

Kidman says Flair is done and Harlem Heat is next. Mysterio cuts him off from swearing and gives the mic to Konnan for some bad catchphrases, one of which involves the Filthy Animals being in heat. Cue Malenko and Saturn to destroy the Animals, but Torrie runs off, only to get caught by Shane Douglas and Asya. Well they tried to murder Flair so I’m not sure I can sympathize with them when one of their members is kidnapped.

Curt Hennig doesn’t like the Powers that Be and if he gets pinned he’s fired. Why you ask? The better question is why would you ask “why you ask?” You should know by now that you’re never getting a clear answer to most of the logical questions this show brings up.

The Outsiders drink coffee, potentially to sober Hall up.

Curt Hennig vs. Lash Leroux

If Hennig gets pinned he’s fired. Hennig hammers away in the corner to start and hiptosses Lash across the ring for two. Disco Inferno comes out to praise Lash on commentary but gets interrupted by Curt ramming Lash into the table. They head back inside with Hennig getting two off a knee lift as this is a total squash so far, meaning you can expect a swerve soon. Lash comes back with some right hands and dropkicks before loading up Whiplash, only to have Hennig hit the referee for the DQ. Well he didn’t get pinned.

Hennig lays out Lash and Disco with a chair.

The Filthy Animals are looking for Torrie.

A limping Bret Hart arrives.

Here are the Nitro Girls for the Nitro Girls search stuff but Jeff Jarrett comes out to interrupt. Jeff threatens to stroke each one of them and says this tournament is a big work. See, he’s the next champion and if Luger disagrees, he can take the Lex Express out of town. Amazingly enough, no one responds to the five year old reference. Oh and he didn’t hit Elizabeth last week. Their big plan to get Jarrett over as a heel is to break up the Nitro Girls stuff? He’ll be out popping Goldberg in two weeks at this rate.

Sid says the war with Goldberg is far from over.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Saturn threatens to make Torrie disappear if the Animals interfere. The Animals leave but Eddie jumps him from behind for the early advantage. He goes after the leg as the fans are entirely behind him, because I guess they see kidnapping Torrie as a good thing. Guerrero uses his wrist tape to tie the leg to the ropes for some hard kicks but Saturn quickly rips it off.

A hot shot and gutbuster change control though and Saturn cranks on an abdominal stretch. Eddie’s ribs are draped over the top rope before they head outside with Saturn whipping him into the barricade. They’re flying through this as you can almost feel the shenanigans coming. Cue David Flair with a crowbar to nail Eddie in the ribs, setting up the Rings of Saturn to give Saturn the win.

Rating: C. That’s the match of the night isn’t it? At the end of the day, you need more than four minutes to get anything special going and even guys like Saturn and Guerrero can only only do so much. The David Flair stuff makes sense as he would be upset at Torrie and doesn’t want her to be rescued, but it’s another case of throwing so much into one show that you can’t process it all.

Saturn runs from the invading Animals.

Hall and Nash don’t want to fight so they come up with ways of shutting down the show. Nash’s best idea: strip in the ring.

The Revolution has Torrie held hostage in a secret location. Does anyone ever think of just flagging down the cameraman and asking where they just came from? Malenko walks out of the room but Benoit jumps him behind and lays wastes to him, clearly swearing without being censored.

Here are the Outsiders, potentially for stripping. Hall does the Survey and says they’ve been partying in Vegas, but had to come here for the real party. Nash says no one is going to tell them what to do, but Goldberg pops up to threaten them with violence later in the night. The Outsiders jumped Goldberg before the Sid match last night so we have Goldberg’s next feud. We don’t have an explanation for Nash’s retirement before forgotten but you can’t have everything. Or anything around here these days actually.

Here are Randy Savage and Gorgeous George, clad in sparkly red attire because it makes George look good and Savage look…..well like Savage actually. Savage says it’s been awhile but Russo and the rest of the vultures in the back aren’t going to see him hang himself on live TV. However, George is right when she says he’s well hung.

You can’t kill off the Macho Man like you did Hogan and Flair. The yellow and red and Space Mountain have played themselves out but Savage is still legit. It’s time that he passes the torch to the next superstar to win World Titles, set ratings records and be even better than he was. I don’t think he would be seen for another six months.

The Animals find the Revolution’s dressing room (hint: it was labeled REVOLUTION) but there’s no Torrie.

The Revolution tries to get Malenko to chill.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Madusa vs. ???

And it’s Meng. I’m assuming there’s a joke here that I’m not smart enough to get. Madusa fires off punches and kicks which are sold as well as an air conditioner at the North Pole. Meng goes after her but stops to look at her chest, earning him an eye poke. So this is a comedy match? Some choking and a missile dropkick have no effect on Meng so she jumps on his back, gets flipped over and the Tongan Death Grip is good for the win.

Evan Karagias of all people comes out to check on Madusa, but Dean Malenko comes out to challenge Benoit to a last man standing match tonight. There’s no connection between Malenko and Karagias. Russo just doesn’t know what it means to wait a second.

Nash is taping up.

Curt Hennig and Brad Armstrong are backstage. Brad has been told to leave until he finds a personality and the Powers that Be suggest he call his little brother. I’m getting a headache and we’re not even halfway done with this mess.

Bret has his leg looked at.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Total Package vs. Rick Steiner

Please keep up the short trend here. We get the full monty of WCW’s bad production here as Tony asks for stills of Bret vs. Lex, has to stall for about 45 seconds before they come up, has to ignore Rick Steiner’s music starting and stopping during the stills, and then we miss the opening of the match because of Benoit vs. Steiner stills. I mean dude, even TNA has their stuff together better than this.

Luger hammers on him to start with his usual array of kicks and forearms as Jarrett comes out to do commentary. Steiner fights back and sends Luger into the buckle as Jeff talks about how he didn’t attack Liz last week because he isn’t that kind of a man. Tony brings up the WWF but Jeff says these are different days. Jeff goes after Liz but Luger makes a save, only to have Jarrett’s guitar shot hit Steiner by mistake. Liz freaks out so Luger checks on her, only to drop her so he can beat the ten count back in to win another short (sweet) match. This would be about three weeks’ worth of story crammed into a few minutes.

Liz isn’t happy.

Konnan threatens to hurt the Revolution if they harm Torrie and also speaks on cheese.

Benoit tapes his hands.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Konnan vs. Kidman

Time for a stable battle. Konnan takes over quickly and snapmares Kidman down, setting up a basement dropkick. That’s not cool with Kidman and they slug it out until Konnan hits the rolling clothesline. The X Factor is countered with a BK Bomb for two but the referee is bumped, as per Russo requirement. Cue Harlem Heat to lay out both guys with finishers, though Stevie doesn’t actually go off his feet on the Slap Jack. Mysterio and Guerrero try to make a save but Kidman rolls over onto Konnan to advance. This looked like a back door out of having partners fight, but more than likely Russo had no idea what he booked.

Eddie has to calm Konnan and Kidman down post match. Konnan agrees and wants a Tag Team Title shot tonight against “these two mark punk busters.”

The Outsiders are wondering who they’ll be facing in their big, and I’m sure totally serious, match. Maybe the Bushwhackers or the Kangaroos?

Quick look back at Bagwell being annoyed at having to job last week. Seriously, that appears to be the story they’re going with.

Here’s Bagwell for a chat. He’s going to start breaking all the rules and doesn’t care about all the sacred things in this business. Last week was the last time he’ll do a job (oh here we go) for the two idiots in the back writing this nonsense. Cue the Harris Brothers in the soon to be named Creative Control gimmick to beat Bagwell down. This would be the worked part after the real stuff you heard from Buff. There are a lot of problems with this, but if you don’t know what a job is in wrestling terms, doesn’t it sound like Bagwell just quit?

Dean Malenko vs. Chris Benoit

Last man standing for reasons that aren’t really explained and both guys are in street clothes. They slug it out to start and tumble out to the floor with Benoit being sent into the barricade over and over. That goes nowhere so they get back inside, only to have Benoit crotch Malenko against the post. That’s not something Benoit would normally do.

Chris chops away in the corner before a belly to back suplex sends Malenko down. They’re both up at six so Benoit rolls some Germans, only to get kicked low. Dean tosses him over the top and out to the floor for more whips into the barricade. Back in and Benoit suplexes him down again for a short count before a double clothesline puts both guys down but only Benoit beats the count.

Rating: C-. This is Vince Russo in a nutshell: a last man standing match announced with maybe half an hour notice that gets seven minutes and ends with a clothesline because we need to get on to all the other AMAZING things he has planned for us, like three minute nothing matches. How did adding a gimmick to this match help? Benoit and Malenko can have a good match with each other in their sleep but they have to add in a last man standing gimmick for the sake of adding one in, thereby making it look like a less important gimmick going forward. Well done in just seven minutes.

Post match the Filthy Animals come out but Douglas (with his arm in a cast) and Saturn show up on stage with Asya holding Torrie. Shane babbles about hurting Torrie and Dean is allowed to leave. The Animals chase after him and get to the parking lot where both groups speed away. I guess this is action adventure or something? Also, no explanation for why Malenko did what he did last night. I’m not expecting any reason after this point.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Sting vs. Brian Knobs

Two ball bat shots to the chest for the pin in thirteen seconds. Yeah that’s going to keep Sting a heel. To recap, the brackets said Sting vs. Knobbs, Tony said Sting vs. Morrus, Sting actually fought Knobbs. Conclusion: Tony Schiavone is incompetent.

The Outsiders talk strategy for later.

Bret Hart has a hairline fracture but is going to fight Goldberg anyway.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Konnan

Harlem Heat is defending. Stevie hammers Konnan down to start and stomps Kidman on the apron. All hail King Stevie. More pounding ensues until Konnan clotheslines both champs down for a breather. Off to Kidman but he eats a clothesline as well to give Stevie control again. It’s quickly back to Konnan with Booker taking over with right hands and a side slam. The champs start double teaming Konnan as I guess they’re heels tonight, despite the fans being all over the Animals earlier in the night.

Stevie knees him down and cranks on an armbar. Back to Booker who misses the ax kick, allowing the hot tag to Kidman. A quick Dudley Dog staggers Booker but Stevie comes back in to set up a Hart Attack with a Harlem Side Kick instead of a clothesline. Konnan gets back up and goes after Booker, allowing Kidman to load up another Dudley Dog, only to have Stevie counter with a bridging belly to back suplex, but Kidman raises his shoulder for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Was there any reason to not just give Kidman and Konnan the belts last night? Other than a “shocking” title change that is? The match was nothing to see, again mainly due to time, even though this was one of the longer matches of the night at just over five minutes. Sign of the Russo times: that’s the third title change, not counting the belts being vacated, in eight days.

Goldberg says he’s always been brutal and the match with Sid was just showing that side.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Flair

Kimberly grabs the mic and starts up the catchphrases in that great acting voice of hers. Page wants Flair out of the ring and grabs him by the neck before kissing him on the cheek. He makes the mistake of turning his back on the crazy man though, allowing David to get in some crowbar shots. Kimberly gets in to call David off and he leaves as Page is looked at by medics. No match.

Outsiders vs. ???

The Outsiders are in street clothes. Cue the Harris Brothers…..who step aside so a bunch of adult chicks can come out, one of which appears to be smuggling basketballs in her shirt. The bell rings and my goodness they’re actually doing this. Tony: “The Powers that Be are looking for ratings and they’re going to get them!”

Hall starts with the blonde but doesn’t know where to put his hands. She headlocks him into her chest and this is dying before my eyes. More “comedy” ensues and Hall does the Flair Flop, earning him a spank. The fans clap for the hot tag and Nash is all fired up for the other blonde. He gets the laughably enhanced brunette but both Outsiders lay down for a double pin. You think I’m rating this?

Goldberg comes out to clean house before the brunette can take her top off.

US Title/WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Goldberg vs. Bret Hart

This is for Goldberg’s US Title for no apparent reason. Bret limps down to the ring because of the leg injury over the last few weeks. Goldberg takes him into the corner and gives a clean break. Instead it’s the gorilla press into a powerslam to plant Bret but Goldberg doesn’t want to follow up.

A leg lock has Bret in trouble but he’s right next to the ropes. Bret gets dropped again as this is coming off like an angle instead of a match. Goldberg stomps away in the corner and pulls Bret out by the leg. Another leg lock makes Bret scream so Goldberg lets go and demands that the referee stop it. Bret says keep going so Goldberg throws him back to the mat.

Goldberg charges into the good foot in the corner and Bret puts on a sleeper. That goes as well as you would expect with Goldberg throwing Bret onto the referee. Hart is thrown outside so cue the Outsiders and Sid (in his gear due to reasons of insanity) to lay Goldberg out. Somehow the referee looks at this and doesn’t call for a DQ, allowing Bret to crawl back inside for the pin, even though Goldberg was sitting up when Hart got back in.

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess but not as bad as it could have been, again due to having more time (nearly EIGHT minutes!). However, it does make the events of last night seem like a big waste of time. Was there any reason to have Luger make Bret give up if Bret is winning the US Title here? Or to have Goldberg win two titles in one night and then lose both twenty four hours later? What a mess, but this was one of the less messy messes of the night. Also, this is another potential Starrcade main event thrown away for free on TV. Yeah there would be a rematch, but this wasn’t really making me want to see them again.

Here are the updated brackets for the first half of the tournament.

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

Diamond Dallas Page/David Flair (no winner so it’s not clear)

Meng

Sting

What a glorious set of options.

Overall Rating: F. When the best things I can think of on a show are Torrie and Kimberly looking good, you can tell it’s been a waste of three hours. The title matches ranged from a series of quick ways out of having a match to adding angles to matches so Russo can cram every single thing he can think of into the show. It’s been said that Russo wants nothing to do with wrestling and that was never more clear than here.

One thing he does love though is the Filthy Animals, who were all over this show. Their story made sense for the most part, but it’s very clear that the audience is already having problems with who they’re supposed to cheer for. That’s the shades of gray idea that Russo likes to use, which still doesn’t seem to work 90% of the time.

This was a huge mess with WAY too much stuff going on to keep track of anything. I watched this show over the span of about twenty four hours and I’m struggling to remember half of what happened on it. None of the things you see has the chance to stick with you because they have to get on to the next idea. There was a line from HHH when he was on Austin’s podcast that would really serve Russo well: there’s always next week. It’s ok to let something play out on one show and do something next week (or on Thunder to make that show actually mean something for a change).

Here’s the thing: yeah the WWF is pretty lame right now with all the sports entertainment nonsense, at least it made sense and had the charisma to carry things through. This show feels like someone watched Raw and said “I CAN DO THAT!” and got a job running a wrestling comp……oh dear goodness that’s pretty much what happened isn’t it? Maybe this is Russo getting his first ideas out of the way early and it’ll get better later, but for now though, the Russo Era is terrifying.

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Monday Nitro #210
Date: October 18, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,413
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Halloween Havoc but more importantly, Russo and Ferrara are officially in charge tonight. That’s going to lead to some very rapid changes around here and that’s not a good sign before the pay per view. In theory it would make sense to do Halloween Havoc and then let them take over, but this is WCW after all. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sid arriving in a limo and wearing a suit, flanked by attorneys. Oh yeah Russo is in charge.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

Evan gets dropped by a quick shoulder but scores with a dropkick and clothesline to send Guerrera to the floor. Back in and Evan shrugs off some chops but charges into a boot in the corner. They’re not exactly cranking things up here. A headscissors and cross body get two on Evan….and here’s Bret to get in the ring and just start talking. The match just stops because….well why not?

Bret says that he wasn’t allowed to have an interview tonight and he left the WWF for two reasons. He’s here to fight Hogan and win the World Title but WCW won’t let him do either of those things. This brings out Sting to say Bret needs to join the real world. Juvy is just walking around the ring as this goes on. They talk about being screwed (censored) and Bret is offered a title shot tonight. Is there a reason why Sting’s paint is already chipped off at the top despite not having any physicality so far?

The announcers talk about Russo and Ferrara being hired as writers. Tonight: an evening gown match. So this is why we’ve had a “division?” As in the three girls that have matches once a month?

Sid is advised not to speak. Score one for Russo and Ferrara!

Goldberg arrives. Why is wrestling so lenient about performers being late?

Back to Sid, who now talks about Goldberg breaking the stipulation of not touching him before the match. Nothing here other than acknowledging what happened last week.

Vampiro vs. Disco Inferno

Non-title with Lash Leroux on commentary. Lash appearing offers a distraction and Vampiro kicks him in the back of the head to take over. Another kick to the chest drops Disco and it’s off to a shot of the commentators. Back in and Vampiro gets one off a suplex but the Chartbuster connects for our second fast ending of the night.

Lash comes in and gives Disco Whiplash. That’s a very heelish move.

Goldberg promises to Jackhammer Sid.

Dustin Rhodes video with him talking like Yoda.

Madusa refuses to perform in an evening gown match because it’s beneath her.

Nitro Girls search stuff and FINALLY Stacy Keibler shows up. However, Buff Bagwell cuts them off and says the internet has been talking about how he’s taking WCW to the top. See, he heard that Russo and Ferrara were high on him during an internet interview. This is the kind of breaking the fourth wall stuff that I can’t stand and Russo loves for whatever reason, ignoring the fact that it’s almost never drawn a dime. But hey, I’m sure he’ll have a 300 page book explaining why this was SO hard on him.

Mona has never had an evening gown match but she’s wrestled several matches wearing an evening gown.

Kimberly is looking for David Flair. I think we’re in the soap opera portion of the show.

Goldberg and Sid reiterate the same things they said earlier.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Harlem Heat is defending and Booker is now in trunks. Stevie elbows Rey in the face and throws him way into the air on a backdrop. Rey comes back with the not yet named 619 but gets clotheslined out to the floor for his efforts. Cue Kidman and Eddie arm in arm with Torrie Wilson as it’s off to Konnan vs. Booker. Konnan scores with a quick DDT and Mysterio adds a Lionsault. This is already the longest match of the night at about two and a half minutes.

Stevie fights out of the Tequila Sunrise and Booker plants Konnan with a Rock Bottom. Eddie and Kidman join commentary and brag about how hot Torrie is. Well you can’t argue that. We see the First Family watching in the back as Stevie bearhugs Konnan. Off to Booker for a kick to the face and a double suplex for two, followed by an even harder kick from Stevie. Well you can’t say they’re not thinking along the same lines.

Rey breaks up a cover off a powerslam and is promptly sent outside. Everything breaks down and the commentators offer a distraction to Booker, allowing Rey to hit the springboard seated senton on Stevie. Konnan adds a trip and holds Ray’s legs for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. So we sat through weeks of the First Family vs. Harlem Heat to give the Filthy Animals the titles in an unannounced match that will probably be one of the longest matches of the night? SWEET! It may make have been several wasted weeks, but I’ll take Konnan and Mysterio as champions any day, as Harlem Heat has just outlived most of their usefulness. They’re still watchable and could be far worse, but at least Konnan and Rey are some fresh blood.

Kimberly sticks her chest out at David Flair and gives him her motel key because Page is out of town and she’s lonely.

The Filthy Animals celebrate the win but the First Family comes up and demands their title shot on Sunday.

Hugh Morrus vs. Meng

Time for a guy getting a title shot on Sunday (in theory) to get squashed. Morrus hammers away but stupidly tries a headbutt. Meng rakes the eyes and no sells a spinwheel kick of all things before chopping Morrus around like he’s nothing. A boxing match goes badly for Morrus and here are the Outsiders through the crowd. Morrus scores with a slam and hits a pair of top rope elbows but stops to talk to Jimmy Hart, allowing Meng to no sell again and Death Grip Morrus for the win. So long logic. It was nice knowing you. Well at least it was years ago when WCW was actually logical but this is a step down even for them.

Here are Sid and the lawyers, complete with a piece of paper. It’s the contract for Halloween Havoc but Sid rips it to pieces after the spear last week. Cue Goldberg to clean house and spear an attorney, only to get kicked in the head and powerbombed. The lawyer is up in about ten seconds as Sid says he’ll see Goldberg at Halloween Havoc. Sid and company leave so the Outsiders laugh at Goldberg, earning them punches to the face. Just get them back in the ring already. The Outsiders are ejected.

Bret Hart promises to give Hogan a title shot if he wins tonight. Sting comes in and jumps Bret but security breaks it up.

Hall and Nash can’t get back in the building.

Goldberg is looking for Sid.

Berlyn vs. Rick Steiner

So…..Rick is a face here? Berlyn stomps away in the corner to start, already with more offense than almost anyone else ever. A big Steiner Line takes Berlyn down and Rick barks like a good dog. Berlyn gets sent outside but Brad Armstrong comes in for a distraction. The bodyguard swings a chair and hits Rick (not clear who he was aiming for), giving Berlyn the fluke pin.

Rick beats up Armstrong post match and takes him into the back.

The Outsiders sneak in, high on cough syrup. Seriously.

Kimberly is at the hotel and strips down to her lingerie, only to find Ric instead of David. More hijinks later I’m sure.

Goldberg runs into the Insane Clown Posse (dang it!) and beats them up for not knowing where Sid is. Good Goldberg.

Luger is worried about facing Goldberg.

Madusa starts packing while Mona gets ready for their match.

David Flair vs. Kidman

Torrie is with Kidman and kisses him before the match. David charges right at Kidman and is promptly beaten into the ground. A HORRIBLE looking shoulder drops Kidman (imagine the way people would bounce off Vader but with David running instead of someone running at him) and a suplex gets two. Kidman nails a dropkick and a middle rope legdrop. David fights up but Torrie opens her rope to reveal some rather fetching lingerie of her own, allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb and Shooting Star for the pin.

The Filthy Animals hit the ring and beat David up. They’re good guys you know.

The Outsiders offer Gene cough syrup. If there’s a point to this I’m not seeing it.

Ric is back (about fifteen minutes at most after we saw him) and looking for the Filthy Animals.

Madusa vs. Mona

Evening gown match which Tony credits to the new creative team. This is a New York evening gown match, whatever that means. Tony tries to call this a Nitro moment, whatever that means. For some reason I seem to be saying that far too often tonight. Mona goes right for her to start and snaps off a suplex followed by a high cross body.

Madusa hooks a suplex of her own and hammers away in the corner. A kick to the head takes out the referee because a freaking evening gown match needs a ref bump. Madusa blasts Mona in the back with a chair but goes after the announcers for no apparent reason, only to have Mona rip her dress off. We’ll say that’s a win, even though Mona walks to the back before we have a decision.

Madusa yells about “everyone behind here” and tells them what they can do. It’s censored but I think you can put the idea together yourself.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Sting is defending, six days before he defends against Hogan. For some reason Bret comes from the side of the entrance instead of right down the middle. During Sting’s entrance, we see a sign saying “Owen we miss you.” My goodness it makes me sad to think about that Bret vs. Benoit match after this mess tonight. Bret hammers away to start and pounds the champ down in the corner before they’re quickly on the floor. You expected a match to last long in the ring?

All Bret as he takes Sting back inside and kicks him in the “lower abdomen”. Sting avoids a charge in the corner and hits a Warrior splash for two. Back to the floor for more brawling with Sting choking with a cord. That’s one of the first heel things he’s done since he turned over a month ago. Back in and another splash hits Bret’s knees before a DDT gets two on the champ. A swinging neckbreaker and suplex get two each for Bret but Sting comes back with the Stinger Splash for no cover.

Bret gets crotched against the post a few times (as usual the referee is fine with this) and we hit the chinlock. A knee to the ribs stops his comeback and the big elbow actually hits. I’m not sure how to respond to that as I’m in total shock. Has that EVER hit? The chinlockery continues before Sting misses a dropkick. Heenan thinks both guys could go for their leg locks but Bret opts for a piledriver and two instead.

Now the hold goes on but Sting gets over to the ropes. Back up and Sting is limping, so Bret hammers on the lower back. What exactly does the Sharpshooter hurt anyway? Sting gets in a shot to the face to get a breather but the knee gives out on a suplex attempt. The champ throws on a sleeper but Bret suplexes his way out.

It’s Sting up first but his top rope splash hits knees. Cue Elizabeth as Bret starts in on the five moves of doom. Now we have Luger with the bat but Bret nails him coming in. The distraction (plus Liz on the apron) has Bret in trouble and Luger nails him in the knee with the bat, setting up the Scorpion to retain the title.

Rating: B. See, this is called a wrestling match. You had two guys wrestling each other (mostly) for about twelve minutes before the screwy shenanigans began. Screwy shenanigan are fine, but let us have some wrestling to get us there. Bret vs. Sting could have been a major PPV headlining match, but instead let’s just throw it away here with an hour and a half build. Such is life in 1999.

Ric yells at David for some reason but David says Kidman beat him up. Papa Flair doesn’t buy it.

The Outsiders have stolen the Villanos’ masks. Sure why not.

La Parka vs. Buff Bagwell

This is actually fallout from Thunder where these two teamed together for no apparent reason. Literally, La Parka just ran out and helped Bagwell and they teamed up in the main event that night. Buff walked out on the match though and La Parka got beaten up instead. La Parka now has chains on his outfit. You would think he would get a push already, and somehow he’s more likely to under the new regime. Buff walks out instead of dancing so I guess he’s officially a heel. He casually shoves La Parka away and they trade arm work.

They’re playing up the idea that Buff’s heart isn’t in this. Buff hiptosses him down and stands in the corner. La Parka hammers away in the corner but misses a running dropkick. Bagwell gets all fired up but stops to pose, telling La Parka to kick him in the head. La Parka does what Buff asks and gets the pin. Oh yay. We’re SHOOTING again.

The locker room celebrates Buff’s loss for no apparent reason.

Buff gets on the mic and asks if Russo did a good job for him and wants to know who else is going to beat him. Ah so that’s what they were going with. I thought it might be something a bit more interesting like Buff not needing to try because he was the chosen one. Why do that when we can SHOOT though?

Anyway, Jeff Jarrett runs out and blasts Bagwell with the guitar in his big return after holding up Vince McMahon for money (totally smart move at the time, but bad long term) at last night’s No Mercy PPV. Jeff asks how he could be on a pay per view last night and here now. He has the stroke and it’s right between his legs.

The Outsiders can’t get past security and Nash vomits.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Perry Saturn

This could be interesting and it’s under elimination rules. No one actually gets an entrance though and the interest is already dying down. Shane Douglas is on commentary. The relatives shake hands but Eddie goes after Saturn. Chavo grabs a quick rollup for two but Saturn starts suplexing Guerreros. A Lionsault gets two on Eddie and Chavo’s cross body gets the same on Saturn.

Eddie suplexes his nephew to the floor but turns around for a superkick. As you would expect, the announcers ignore the match to talk about the Revolution and how awesome Shane is. Chavo stays on the floor as Saturn beats up Eddie, only to go after the younger Guerrero for a change. Eddie hits a big dive to take them both out and they fight on the floor to fulfill the Russo requirement.

They head back inside and go up top for a Tower of Doom, but Chavo flips backwards instead of falling flat, landing on his head instead of his back for a SCARY botch. Cue the Animals to yell at Douglas but Saturn dives onto Kidman, only to hit the chair in Kidman’s hands. Chavo throws Saturn back inside for a frog splash from Eddie for the elimination, followed by a quick tornado DDT to give Chavo the win.

Rating: C. This was entertaining enough (terrifying botch aside) but it was more background noise while Shane furthered the feud with the Filthy Animals. Is the Revolution even a thing anymore though? They seem to have split several times now, meaning I’m sure there will be an even bigger swerve on Sunday. Also, make sure to have Chavo, who isn’t even on the show Sunday, get the win over the people in a story. Keep up that CRAZY booking Vince.

Recap of Sid vs. Goldberg tonight.

Horace Hogan vs. Norman Smiley

Hardcore, because that was big in the WWF at the time. Horace jumps him in the aisle and makes Norman scream with the threat of a trashcan shot. They get inside where Norman stops a charge by kicking the can into Horace’s face. More screaming ensues. Horace hammers away a bit more but gets sent into the steps. That goes nowhere as he hot shots Norman onto the barricade and takes him back inside for a superplex. Now Norman is crying. It’s table time but Norman collapses, sending Horace charging through the table instead, giving Norman the pin.

Rating: D. Well that happened, and unfortunately this is going to be what Norman is best remembered for. Yeah he’s a talented wrestler and a solid trainer, but the thing he’s most well known for is screaming and crying. Unfortunately this is going to get even worse for him in coming months, but to be fair it’s funny at times.

Here’s Ric Flair to yell about Eric Lindros and the Filthy Animals. He’s been in this sport for a long time now and knows David can be great if the Animals will just leave him alone. Cue the Animals to beat up Ric, as well as David on a save attempt. The Animals rip Ric’s clothes off and steal his jewelery because they’re heroes.

Elizabeth is out back with a guitar next to her head. I bet she did it.

Total Package vs. Goldberg

Goldberg’s trunks say Team Obake on the back, which is apparently an MMA thing. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Goldberg getting the better of it, as you would expect. They head inside with Luger scoring with some ax handles to the back but Goldberg no sells a suplex. A big superkick drops Luger as this is starting to resemble a match. Goldberg throws him over with a half butterfly suplex but misses the spear in the corner. Luger keeps the offense going with a running clothesline as I’m amazed that some of his matches with Flair were only eleven years earlier.

An elbow drop gets two but Goldberg nails a flying shoulder to take over again. More heavy forearms have Luger in trouble but the referee gets bumped because what would a wrestling match be without that? Here are the high Outsiders again to keep up an unfunny angle (security around here sucks) but Sting runs down with the bat to lay out Goldberg. Cue a limping Bret to nail Sting with the bat but he breaks it over the ring post. Bret and Sting get inside with Hart putting on the Sharpshooter as I feel like I’m watching Raw. Everything breaks down and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to end Luger.

Rating: D-. Luger is the definition of a wrestler who has his position because he used to be good at this. At least Hogan was easy to hate. Luger on the other hand is just a guy with big muscles who hits people in the back and occasionally uses a torture rack. The cough syrup thing continues to be a waste of time but that’s the case with a lot of Russo ideas. The match was your usual bad brawling before we got to the angle for another Russo signature.

Tony promises that this is just the beginning to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness we’re in for a long ride. You can see Raw here but minus people like Rock, Austin, HHH, Edge and Christian and the Hardys and with shorter matches and less logic than the Corporate Ministry. I didn’t even mention the shots of people walking in the back, which is a trend that continues to this day. Why do I need to see someone walking through the back? Just say what’s coming next and save some time.

This is still in the transition phase between booking plans, but instead of letting the transition happen naturally, the old stuff was ripped up and put in its new pot. That makes for a very awkward show and you can see the fans dying from exhaustion about an hour into the show. I’ll give them this though: it was NOT boring. It didn’t make sense half the time and felt like a parody of a bad wrestling company than a show trying to compete, but it was not boring.

On top of that, the pay per view was barely mentioned outside of Hogan vs. Sid. I have almost no idea what the card is for Sunday, but I have a feeling that’s universal in WCW. Finally, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE OUTSIDERS BEING HIGH ON COUGH SYRUP??? What a bizarre show, but it’s going to get much, much worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: August 26, 1999
Location: Municipal Coliseum, Lubbock, Texas
Attendance: 6,928
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko

The date might ring a bell for you because Smackdown is making its debut (other than the pilot) at the same time this show aired. WCW feigned interest in this show by booking two big matches: Harlem Heat vs. Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus and Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn vs. Sid Vicious/Rick Steiner. In other words, yes, WCW thought Rick Steiner and Sid Vicious were real draws. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Public Enemy vs. Sid Vicious

Yes, Sid is doing a double shot tonight. Rocco bails into the corner to start, leaving Grunge to go after Sid on his own. A big boot drops Johnny and clotheslines drop both he and his partner. Sid takes his time chopping and choking both guys before ramming their heads together. This show needs Heenan to make the joke about how that wouldn’t hurt Public Enemy. Sid isn’t phased by a double clothesline and a double chokeslam ends this quick.

Same Coach Buzz Stern clip from last week.

West Texas Rednecks vs. Filthy Animals

Six man tag with Konnan and Hennig on the floor. The Rednecks don’t have the title belts here because this is taped in advance and WCW just needed to have this match here to mess up continuity. Rey and Kendall get things going with Windham raking the eyes and snapmaring Mysterio down.

Back up and Rey turns on the speed, sliding under the ropes and hitting a nice springboard Thesz press. He hammers away in the corner but Kendall catches him in an atomic drop and tags in Barry. I still can’t get over that Barry Windham is in his second title reign in 1999. Kidman comes in as well for some dropkicks until Barry sends him to the floor instead of, you know, wrestling him. Eddie distracts the referee by mistake and the Rednecks triple team Kidman.

Barry slams Kidman him a few times and it’s off to Duncum for a clothesline, a shoulder breaker, and another clothesline. I’m starting to see why he never went anywhere. Off to Kendall for a big boot before it’s back to Barry, who walks into a Bodog as we take a break. Back with Barry taking Eddie down with a jawbreaker, setting up a belly to back superplex from Kendall. Duncum throws Eddie to the floor for a beating as this match is somehow dragging about seven minutes in.

Barry hits the superplex that used to have Ric Flair in major trouble but only gets two here. Back up and Eddie grabs a quick headscissors, allowing the hot tag to Mysterio. Rey speeds things up with a sunset flip and Kidman adds a cross body to put Duncum down for two. Not a bad spot actually. Everything breaks down and Hennig pulls Rey outside, only to eat a baseball slide from Kidman. Eddie kicks Barry low, setting up the springboard hurricanrana from Mysterio for the pin.

Rating: D+. The ending was better, but the Rednecks are the least interesting group of heels I’ve seen in years. They’re working the old southern style which can work well against high fliers, but the Windhams and Duncum are just not very good. Kendall and Duncum never went anywhere and Barry hasn’t been worth watching in at least eight years. Boring match here that could have been a lot better with more talented heels.

The Rednecks beat on the Animals until Harlem Heat makes the save.

Call the Hotline!

In case two matches weren’t enough, here are Sid and Steiner for a chat. The now 74-0 Sid says he and Steiner are the pioneers of WCW. Indeed they were about ten years ago. They’ve been hearing a bunch of midgets talking about starting a revolution. The two of them are going to enforce their policies, and the first one is to not let the revolution get started. They’ve already taken out Hogan, Sting and Goldberg so the Revolution should be no problem.

Berlyn is still coming.

Cat vs. Prince Iaukea

Miller is in a cowboy hat and says he’s the sheriff around here. Oh geez there’s a bad comedy sketch in there somewhere. Cue Prince, but Miller wants the singer. After some Purple Rain references, Miller says he can beat Iaukea in less than three minutes. The Prince starts fast and knocks Miller to the floor, where Cat threatens to walk out.

With Prince’s back turn, Miller tries to dive back in but lands at Prince’s feet in a funny bit. Normally that would be a problem but Iaukea is so horrible on offense that Cat kicks him down twice and drops the dancing elbow. The sequence works so well that he tries it again but the elbow misses this time. A dropkick and Samoan drop are good for two but Onoo puts Miller’s foot on the ropes. Prince, ever the nitwit, yells at Sonny and gets kicked with the ruby slipper for the pin at 2:59.

Harlem Heat vs. Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs

This was supposed to be for the titles but Harlem Heat lost them on Monday, so the entrances are edited out and everyone is in the ring for a big brawl to start. Things settle down to Brian clubberin on Booker until Booker realizes that he actually has talent and kicks Knobbs in the face. It’s off to Stevie vs. Morrus with Ray getting stomped down in the corner. Stevie elbows everyone in sight and tags out to Booker before he has to actually do something.

Booker won’t stand for that though as he fires off a few kicks before handing it back off to Stevie. A cheap shot from Knobbs lets the villains take over and Booker dealing with Jerry Flynn makes it even worse. Knobbs splashes Stevie in the corner and it’s off to Morrus for a chinlock. After two and a half arm drops, Stevie fights up but charges into a knee in the corner. Brian comes in for a double shoulder block but charges into a boot in the corner. There’s still no tag though as Morrus comes in and decks Booker like a good partner.

More double teaming ensues with Hugh tripping Stevie so Knobbs can drop an elbow. We hit a chinlock before more double teaming goes badly for the First Family as Knobbs misses a charge. Booker comes in off the hot tag and cleans house with a bunch of kicks as everything breaks down. With the referee losing track of everything, Flynn low bridges Booker to the floor, just as Stevie sends Knobbs outside. Flynn kicks Morrus by mistake, setting up Booker’s missile dropkick for the pin.

Rating: D-. I know I said the Rednecks were dull in the ring but they’re Lou Thesz and Kurt Angle compared to Morrus and Knobbs. The match was dull with everyone waiting on Booker to get the hot tag. I don’t know what Booker is supposed to get out of pinning Hugh Morrus, but I guess since he’s associated with Jimmy Hart and Brian Knobbs it makes him the second coming of Jerry Sags? I’m not sure if that’s an insult to Morrus or not.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

More Coach Sawyer, this time with him making his students lift weights.

Disorderly Conduct vs. Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas

Another freaking tag match. Shane gets taken down by Mean Mike’s wristlock to start but nips up and takes Mike into the corner. Much like Stevie, Shane wants his partner to do most of the actual wrestling, though he does help with a double suplex. Malenko stomps on Mike in the corner before drop toeholding him down, setting up a Douglas elbow. Di….did the Revolution just lift a spot from Knobbs and Morrus???

Tom gets in a cheap shot from the apron and a double hot shot puts Shane down. Disorderly Conduct basically does the same things the First Family did in the previous match because seeing it once just wasn’t enough. A front facelock doesn’t go anywhere so Tom heads up, only to get pulled down into an atomic drop and the belly to belly suplex. Malenko comes in and cleans house, setting up a quick leg lariat and the Cloverleaf makes Tom tap.

Rating: D. Well at least it was shorter than the previous match. This show is bordering on a disaster with all the lame tag matches and nothing interesting happening. Shane and Dean are a decent tag team, but I’d like to see them do something of note. I mean, we can’t have them fight the cowboys and win the titles of course because that might be good for them, but there has to be something out there.

Insane Clown Posse video.

Clip of Saturn vs. Steiner from last week.

DDP comes out and says he wants to beat up Goldberg, Hogan and Sting to get the title back. This took three minutes.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Haven’t seen Chavo in awhile. Page makes a Free Willy joke about Chavo’s mom, but Chavo says Page’s mom freed Free Willy. So Page’s mom is a 10 year old boy? It must make sense to Page as he lunges at Chavo in the corner and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Chavo gets sent to the floor and into then over the barricade. Page changes his mind and throws Chavo back inside and we take a break. We couldn’t take a break in the tag matches?

Back with Chavo trying to speed things up but walking into a spinebuster. A wicked spinning Rock Bottom gets two as Page picks him up off the mat. Page chokes a lot and nails Chavo with a right hand to block a sunset flip. The fireman’s carry into a Diamond Cutter ends this massacre.

Rating: C-. Yeah that’s high but Chavo took some good bumps and I’m a fan of the TKO. I’m assuming they’re building Page up for a match at Fall Brawl, even though he’s been a tag guy for months now. This wasn’t anything interesting but I’ll take an extended squash over another dull midcard tag match.

Sid Vicious/Rick Steiner vs. Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn

Sid threatens to leave if the crowd isn’t completely quiet. Right. The brawl starts on the floor until Benoit takes Sid up to the apron. Steiner breaks up Chris’ suplex attempt to give the old guys control, only to have Benoit counter a clothesline into the Crossface on Sid. You know Sid isn’t going to tap out so Steiner makes the save and we’re already in the chinlock.

Back up and for once, the good guys actually cheat from the apron with Saturn kicking Rick in the back of the head before coming in off the tag. I can’t quite say it’s a hot tag this early in the match. Sid tries to save his dog faced buddy, only allowing Benoit and Saturn to destroy Steiner even more. Benoit grabs an armbar but Sid copies Saturn and nails Chris from the apron. Steiner does his face grab and we take a break.

Back with the villains taking turns choking until Sid puts on a camel clutch. Steiner comes back in and takes Benoit down with a nice amateur move (I’m as shocked as you are) before putting on an ankle lock. He sends Benoit outside for a beating from Sid before the big man puts on a chinlock. Chris fights to his feet and makes his comeback by actually slamming Sid.

Benoit runs to the top for the Swan Dive but Sid rolls away to put both guys down. It’s a double tag to Saturn and Steiner with Perry taking over and hitting his nice springboard clothesline on Sid. Steiner gets tired of not beating people up though and decks Saturn, only to get caught in the Crossface. Sid powerbombs Saturn at the same time though and kicks the referee in the head. Charles Robinson runs in and counts the pin on Saturn.

Rating: C-. The comeback was good but WHY ARE SID AND RICK STEINER BEATING THE REVOLUTION??? We sat through Sid beating former World Tag Team Champions on his own and then he and Steiner team up to beat the US Champion and Saturn? While HHH is defending the WWF World Title against the Rock no less. I keep looking at these matches and wondering how they can validate these decisions and I can’t fathom that they just keep going with it.

Sid powerbombs Benoit to make sure you know he’s better than the US Champion too. Malenko and Douglas run out and for some reason Sid doesn’t get to destroy them as well.

Overall Rating: S. For shaking my head, which I was actually doing after watching this show. Sid Vicious had two wins and a promo in the span of two hours and for what? To build him up to get beaten by Goldberg in the second biggest match on a pay per view? That’s why we’re sitting through this Sid mega push? WCW is willing to crush its Cruiserweight division and probably the midcard for the sake of building up an opponent for Goldberg. I’ve heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but this is ridiculous.

Speaking of Goldberg, where was he tonight? Or Hogan or Sting for that matter? They certainly weren’t here, because why would WCW need the three most popular guys in the company on a night when the WWF, who has beaten them eight months in a row now, is debuting its version of Thunder with a World Title match in the main event?

To put this in perspective, when Smackdown moved back to Thursday nights and wanted to put on something special, Daniel Bryan opened and closed the show. When WCW was putting out its big guns to draw a good rating (which you could tell was happening since they had matches announced in advance), not only did they screw one of them up by having the defending champions lose the belts early (because they clearly couldn’t have lost them here), they put Sid on to open and close the show. Therefore, WCW in 1999 views Sid Vicious as their Daniel Bryan. I never thought I would say that, but it seems to be the case.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Next up is the polar opposite of yesterday. Today is Juventud Guerrera.

 

We’ll start with a name we’ll see a lot in this: Rey Mysterio Jr., this time from a Japanese promotion called WAR from July 20, 1996.

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

I have no idea if there’s a story here as is usually the case with puro. Rey almost immediately sends him to the floor with a headscissors and follows out with a HUGE dive. This is back when Rey had two good knees so he’s amazing. The yet to be named West Coast Pop gets an early two count but Juvy comes back with a nasty looking springboard flip dropkick to take over. We hit a quick chinlock on Mysterio but Juvy goes to a leg lock instead.

 

A Power Drop gets two for Juvy but an attempt at a second is countered into a hurricanrana and a gutbuster gives Rey a breather. Juvy goes to the apron and gets taken to the floor with another hurricanrana. Back in and Juvy counters a springboard cross body into a fall away slam for two. Something like a Harlem Hangover gets the same on Mysterio and the spinning top rope hurricanrana gets a third straight near fall.

 

A superplex is broken up and they both fall to the floor in a crash with Juvy getting the worse of it. Back in and a springboard moonsault gets two on Guerrera but he gets caught sliding through Juvy’s legs. Not that it matters as Rey breaks up whatever Juvy was trying off the top and hits another top rope hurricanrana for the pin.

 

Rating: C+. These two are always worth checking out but this wasn’t their best work. Mysterio’s offense was almost entirely comprised of hurricanranas, which are entertaining but not enough to carry an entire match. It’s good enough but I would have liked to see more of what Mysterio was capable of.

 

Juvy would make it to WCW just over a month after this and have his first PPV match against Konnan at Fall Brawl 1996.

 

Mexican Heavyweight Title: Konnan vs. Juventud Guerrera

Ok a lot to talk about here. For one thing, the Mexican Heavyweight Title is the AAA Americas’ Title, a title that was a midcard title that Konnan was the first to win. He won it then bailed to WCW with it so they just didn’t talk about it any more. He’s also a heel now with the whole street thing going on and has joined the Dungeon of Doom so he has Jimmy Hart with him. As for Juvy, he’s brand new here, having been around about three weeks.

There was also an internet rumor that he was actually Sean Waltman under the mask which is about as bizarre of a story as I’ve ever heard of. He trips over the steps during his intro in a funny thing, so maybe there was a reason for that story after all. Oh yeah we actually have a match to do now. Konnan is now described as a big man. That’s just odd to hear. In a painful looking spot, Konnan picks him up and just drops him over the top to the floor.

Juvy goes to the other ring and hits a QUADRUPLE jump leg lariat to take over. Take that Sabu. This is back when Konnan was motivated and therefore was actually interesting to watch as well as entertaining. The commentary just stops for like 30 seconds. That was strange. I’m watching a WCW show where there is decent wrestling going on.

Never mind on that strange comment. Juvy is flying all over the place here and it’s surprisingly working for me. Tenay calls the rope the top strand. Ok then. They botch the heck out of a moonsault press. I’d put that on Konnan though as it looked fine but Konnan didn’t sell it at all. He hits a great powerbomb to make up for it I guess. There’s a good deal of sloppiness here but for the most part it’s working.

In a STUPID move, Juvy has him set for a top rope rana and instead just backflips off the top. Konnan hits a dropkick immediately as he lands which Juvy freaking deserves. DAng that looked stupid. The masked dude hits a springboard spinwheel kick which is one of my favorite moves. 450 hits for two. A corkscrew splash gets two as for some reason the crowd is dead all of a sudden. Konnan hits what we would call a Musclebuster for two and then a super powerbomb from the top for the pin.

Rating: B-. This gets a much better grade if not for the sloppiness. I thought it worked quite well though for what they were trying to do. This was another example of WCW throwing some people out there and seeing what they could do. On that level I would say it definitely worked. Again though, the constant botches were hurting it. There was some good stuff though so I’d say it was good.

 

Juvy would be used frequently in six man lucha libre tag team matches, such as this one from May 26, 1997 on Nitro.

 

Hector Garza/Juventud Guerrera/Super Calo vs. Ciclope/Damien/La Parka

This is under Mexican rules, which means if you go to the floor, another member of your team can come in just like a tag. La Parka and Juvy get us going with Juvy taking over with a quick spin kick to the face. Juvy goes up but his cross body is caught and La Parka struts over to the corner and sets Juvy up top. Juvy comes back with a big top rope rana to send Parka to the floor.

Off to Ciclope as Larry complains about the Mexican rules because “we’re not in Mexico.” Sometimes common sense is the best approach. Calo comes in to replace Parka and hits a headscissors to send Parka to the floor. Calo hits a HUGE suicide dive to send both guys into the crowd, giving us Damien vs. Garza. Garza is basically here for one move: a corkscrew plancha to the floor. The idea is that he’s going to hit it but you don’t know when or how many people he’ll take out.

Everything breaks down and it’s almost impossible to tell who is legal as four people came in at the same time when Garza and Damien went to the floor. It appears to be Calo vs. Damien now with Calo in control, only to take his eyes off Damien and get jumped. Off to Garza who speeds things up but gets sent to the floor.

Everyone goes to the floor and it’s time to fire off the dives. Garza hits his big corkscrew plancha, prompting Larry to ask if Garza thinks he’s Captain Planet. Turner property or not, that’s the best Larry can come up with? Damien tries a seated senton back inside but Garza catches him in a powerbomb and hits a standing moonsault for the pin.

Rating: B. This is pretty much the textbook definition for a lucha libre spotfest and there’s nothing wrong with that. Other than Juvy, none of these guys have stood out but they know how to fire off all kinds of flips and dives. While not a great match from a technical standpoint or anything like that, it was fun and the dives were great. That’s what you want to do with an opener too. Good stuff here.

With all of his success, Juvy would get a Cruiserweight Title shot on the first episode of Thunder.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon is defending. Apparently Scott Steiner has been fined $5000 for hitting the referee during the tag match. The announcers didn’t even notice it so it’s likely a bit extreme. Feeling out process to start with both guys hitting some quick strikes until Juvy hits a springboard spinwheel kick for two. Guerrera misses a splash in the corner and gets stomped down as we actually talk about the match for a bit. Actually scratch that as it’s time to talk about Starrcade a bit more.

Dragon misses a handspring elbow in the corner as the fans think this is boring. Juvy loads up a top rope rana but gets crotched to the floor instead. Dragon hits a moonsault to the floor but injures his knee in the process. They head back in and Dragon hits a release German suplex for two but the top rope rana is countered again. Juvy knocks him to the mat but dives into a dropkick fro Dragon, only to come back with a quick DDT. The Juvy Driver sets up the 450 for the pin and a new champion.

Rating: C. Pretty slow paced stuff here as their high spots weren’t connecting all that well. Dragon only held the belt for about eight days here so it’s kind of hard to care about the title changing this fast. It’s not a bad match but again at just under five minutes we didn’t have time to get invested in it at all.

Dragon had only been champion for eight days, and since it’s WCW the title would change hands two more times before the end of the month. Chris Jericho would enter February with the title and offer Juvy a deal: a title shot for putting up his mask. Juvy agreed at Superbrawl VIII.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Chris Jericho

This is Jericho’s title vs. Juvy’s mask. Jericho won’t take his belt off. Heenan: “It’s his binky.” He backs Juvy against the ropes with it on and the referee seems ok with it. Juvy slides between the ropes and hits a spin kick into the belt which hurts Jericho far worse. He finally takes the belt off and we’re ready to go. They hit the mat for a bit until Jericho takes over with a knee to the chest. Juvy is backdropped to the apron but comes back in with a springboard spinwheel kick.

A springboard hurricanrana takes Jericho out to the floor and the referee starts counting. Jericho gets caught raising his head up to make sure no one is looking before staying on the ground. Juvy sees through the goldbricking and splashes him from the ring. Back in and Juvy flips out of a German suplex but gets dropped chest first onto the buckle. Jericho throws him to the floor and tries to use the steps as a launchpad, only to be sent face first into the barricade.

Guerrera’s springboard is caught in a tombstone for two as Jericho is getting frustrated. The arrogant cover gets two and Jericho is getting frustrated. A delayed vertical suplex and a senton get two and Jericho hooks a backbreaker submission. Jericho gets two off a clothesline and the frustrations continue. Juvy’s top rope hurricanrana is countered into an electric chair but Jericho spends too much time posing and gets dropkicked to the floor. Air Juvy (love that move) takes Chris down again and the 450 hits back inside for the pin despite Jericho grabbing the ropes.

The referee waves it off and Jericho uses the opening to chop block Juvy’s leg. Guerrera grabs a DDT out of nowhere for two and a springboard hurricanrana gets the same. Jericho takes him down with a reverse suplex but can’t hit the Lionsault. The Liontamer is countered into a cradle for two but another hurricanrana attempt is countered into the Liontamer for the submission.

Rating: B-. This was another good win for Jericho but Juvy did a great job at flying all over the place and making the match exciting. Jericho was on a roll at this point and was such a horrible person that you can’t help but cheer against him. It’s a good match but we’re still waiting on the big showdowns with Malenko and Mysterio.

Jericho rips Juvy apart during the unmasking and tells him to put it back on. For the life of me I don’t get WCW’s thinking about this. Why would you want to give away such a lucrative merchandise opportunity like the mask? Jericho takes the mask for his trophy case in a gimmick someone should bring back.

He would also occasionally fight big guys, such as Reese at Great American Bash 1998.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Reese

Standard giant bully vs. scrappy little guy story coming into this. Guerrera prays before the match starts and we get a LONG staredown. Juvy tries a right hand but is easily sent backwards into the corner. He charges right back and scores with some shots to the face but Reese shoves him right back down. Guerrera bails to the floor and gets Reese to chase him, only to slide back in and try a dive. Reese pulls him out of the air and tosses Juvy back inside but the small man kicks at the knee as Reese gets back in.

Reese grabs Juvy by the head and holds him back to show just how much bigger he is than Guerrera. Juvy goes up and tries a choke before ripping at his face. Reese goes down to one knee where he still comes up to Guerrera’s shoulders. The big man finally just drops back to crush Juvy and the beating begins. There’s a backbreaker with Juvy being bent over Reese’s knee like a toy.

A HUGE beal sends Guerrera across the ring and Reese stands on his hair and pulls on Juvy’s arms. There’s the bearhug with Reese shaking Juvy around like he’s made of paper. Reese lets him go so Juvy kicks him low a few times, which is legal since Reese is in the Flock ala Saturn earlier. In a smart move, Reese drops down to a knee to punch Juvy in the face.

A vertical suplex puts Juvy down but he climbs up the referee to beat the ten count. Now Reese gets a chair but referee Charles Robinson pulls it away. Juvy goes up top for a hurricanrana but gets caught in midair. Lodi has the referee for no apparent reason and Van Hammer pops up to blast Reese with the chair, allowing Juvy to flip him over (even more awkwardly than you would imagine) and get a pin with Reese’s shoulders only about four inches off the mat.

Rating: C+. They were THIS close to hitting this out of the park but the ending didn’t quite work. The hurricanrana looking terrible and the pin being a disaster brings this down but that’s about its only problem. They had the crowd right where they wanted them and could have blown the roof off if the underdog won like he should have. Hammer coming in was fine as if Juvy overcomes too much it becomes comical which is the wrong idea. This was a tightrope to walk and they almost pulled it off.

It was soon back to the Jericho feud though, this time with Jericho’s longtime rival Dean Malenko as referee. From Road Wild 1998.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Juventud Guerrera

Dean Malenko is refereeing and Jericho is defending. Jericho comes to the ring in a purple kimona because that’s the kind of guy he is. As always, he wants us to want him but opts to tease the bikers instead. I wonder if there are any Aces and 8’s in the crowd. Jericho takes him into the corner to start and Malenko tears him away as he’s supposed to do. Juvy takes out Jericho’s legs and chops away but Jericho elbows him in the face to take over again.

Juvy is sent to the floor and Jericho loads something up but Dean pulls him to the mat by the hair. Well at least according to Tenay, as the camera was on Juvy the entire time. Back in and Juvy slams Jericho onto the mat and a missile dropkick sends the champion outside. Guerrera chops him off the platform and into the barricade before going inside for a HUGE placha over the platform and into Jericho into the barricade.

Back in and Juvy gets two off a springboard cross body but Jericho catches another cross body attempt into something resembling a Juvy Driver for two. Dean’s count was noticeably slow and the count off a delayed vertical suplex is even slower. Juvy rolls out to the floor while Jericho yells at some fans before getting hit with a backsplash for two. We hit the chinlock on Guerrera before Chris stomps away and talks trash.

The Lionsault hits knees and Juvy comes back with chops and a hurricanrana. A top rope spinwheel kicks gets the same……slow……two……count from Dean but Jericho counters a running hurricanrana into a powerbomb. Jericho kicks him out to the apron instead of covering and kicks Juvy onto the floor. Back in and a clothesline gets two on Guerrera as the crowd is trying to care about this.

A Jericho powerbomb is countered into a DDT to wake the fans up a bit and the Juvy Driver gets a two count. Jericho is dazed but still manages to crotch Guerrera on the top and superplex him back down. Juvy rolls over for two but has another hurricanrana countered into the Liontamer. He’s right in front of the ropes though and Jericho is getting frustrated.

Juvy pounds away in the corner and Dean seems to have been poked in the eye. A belt shot lays out the challenger but Dean’s slow count means it’s only for two. Jericho is all ticked off and goes to the middle rope. He kicks Dean in the chest and that makes Malenko snap. Well snap as much as he’s capable of. Dean launches a charging Juvy into a middle rope Frankensteiner for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. The match was good but it’s running with the anchor of this entire show. Maybe the heat of the day has something to do with it but these matches have all been incredibly sluggish. Juvy was trying here and Jericho was his usual great self but they could only get so far. Again though, why didn’t they just have Dean take the title himself?

 

We’ll jump ahead a few months to a match with a guy whose mass appeal I never saw. From Spring Stampede 1999.

 

Blitzkrieg vs. Juventud Guerrera

I’ve heard a ton of great things about Blitzkrieg but I don’t remember him that well. Apparently he’s one of the more insane high fliers ever. I’ve heard his music before somewhere but I can’t place it. The winner faces the Cruiserweight Champion tomorrow night. They shake hands pre match and the crowd is hot. They go to the mat quickly and Juvy might have pulled his mask a bit. Well if you wear one it might get pulled you lunkhead.

They speed things up and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Blitzkrieg. Blitzkrieg pounds away in the corner but Juvy comes back with a springboard dropkick to take over. Blitzkrieg goes outside so Juvy hits a great dive to the floor. Brainbuster gets two. Here’s a surfboard which always amazes me. Blitzkrieg speeds things up and hits a spin kick. A dropkick puts Juvy outside and Blitzkrieg sets for a dive but Juvy sees it coming and dropkicks him out of the air.

Back in and Juvy is sent out again. HUGE spinning moonsault by Blitzkrieg kills him and they go back in. Things speed up and they bust out some slick counters. A move we would call Yang Time misses for Blitzkrieg and the Juvy Driver is countered as well. Blitzkrieg tries what I guess you would call a spinning hurricanrana into a victory roll driver out of the corner for two. They go up again and Juvy counters the same move into a Juvy Driver off the middle rope for the pin.

Rating: B. Again, the old school WCW formula works: a big fast paced match to open the show with two guys just going insane out there. Blitzkrieg would only be around a few months and never really had a big match with Mysterio that I remember, which is a shame because it would have been awesome. Good stuff and better than most of the usual stuff from this division.

Juvy would hook up with Rey Mysterio in the Filthy Animals stable. The team would receive a World Tag Team Title shot on the August 14, 2000 episode of Monday Nitro.

 

Tag Team Titles: Filthy Animals vs. Great Muta/Vampiro

 

The champions jump Mysterio to start as there’s some commotion at the commentary table. A low blow puts Rey down again and it’s off to Muta for the power drive elbow. Muta cranks on the leg as the announcers talk about Kronik attacking someone who was at the commentary desk.

 

 

Vampiro comes back in for a release running powerbomb and Muta ads in some unseen chair shots to the chest on the floor. Back in and Vampiro kicks Muta by mistake and we get the hot tag to Juvy. Everything breaks down and Juvy lifts Rey into the air for a powerbomb before laying him on Vampiro. There go the lights and we’ve got Sting. He lays out the champions with the bat, allowing Mysterio to pin Muta for the titles.

 

Rating: D. This was your usual WCW madness at this point. There was barely any wrestling to be seen but we have new champions as a result. I’m still not sure who did what to whom at the commentary table, but apparently it was more important than a title match in the ring. Then again no one cared by this point anyway.

 

Guerrera would be fired for a drug issue soon after this and would of course hit the indies. We’ll start with the WWA promotion in 2001 at their first PPV: Inception.

 

International Cruiserweight Title/Seven Deadly Sins Tournament First Round: Psychosis vs. Juventud Guerrera

So not only is this for the company’s Cruiserweight Title, it’s also in the world title tournament and is a ladder match. Don’t overbook anything there guys. Also since this isn’t the first event for the company, Psychosis already won the title at a house show before this event, but the title was stripped so that the “first” champion could be crowned here. Psychosis won the first one in case you were wondering. Juvy gets on the mic before the match and does his Rock imitation which never was all that funny to me.

Something very different about this show is that the commentary comes through the PA system, meaning the fans can hear it. They head into the corner to start with Psychosis taking over. Juvy comes back with a spinwheel kick and a tornado DDT as things speed up. They head to the floor with Juvy shoving the ladder down so that the top of it slams into Psychosis’ head. FREAKING OW MAN!

Back inside and Psychosis dropkicks the ladder into Juvy’s face, only to get it sling shotted into his own face. Psychosis is busted open bad. Back inside and the fans aren’t all that thrilled with this. Juvy hits a loud chop in the corner and the ladder is laid across the top rope. Juvy tries a sunset flip which means nothing in this so it’s back to the ladder. Jerry suggests going for the belt. Gee thanks King. Juvy gets draped across the top rope and Psychosis hits a guillotine legdrop across the back of his head.

We get the first attempt at going up the ladder but Juvy hits a springboard missile dropkick to take the ladder out and send Psychosis into the top rope. Juvy gets another ladder for some reason but just like earlier, Psychosis dropkicks the ladder into Juvy to knock him down.

Back in and Juvy rams Psychosis into the ladder before climbing up and hitting some kind of a dive which doesn’t really keep going once he hits Psychosis. The ladder falls down and hits the referee but he’s fine because it wasn’t a planned bump. They both go up the ladder with Juvy hitting a sunset bomb to kill Psychosis. He adds a 450 for good measure and climbs up to win the title.

Rating: C+. This was a fun spot fest and that’s about all you need for it to be. I’m not a big fan of the idea of just throwing two guys out there and saying the winner of this is champion, but at least it was fun in the process. The high spots in this were pretty good too and for what it was, this was a solid opener.

After a few more uninteresting indy appearances (including a quick and not bad run in TNA), it was off to WWE. Guerrera would win a battle royal to earn a Cruiserweight Title shot at No Mercy 2005.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Nunzio

Nunzio is defending after Juvy won a battle royal. The attempted murderers are going to be talking on WWE.com if you’re interested. The Mexicools and Vito are on the floor. Juvy gets three covers inside of 20 seconds. Nunzio gets some rollups as well and it’s a standoff. The crowd is pretty quiet for this. A headscissors gets two for Juvy. Tazz, who was all shocked and serious a few minutes before, is making juice jokes.

Nunzio takes it to the mat with a surfboard hold as Tazz has to remind himself that there’s a match going on. Rollup gets two for Juvy. They both go up and both hit facejams to put both guys down. They speed things up again and a seated dropkick gets two for Guerrera. Inverted powerbomb gets two. Juvy tries a sunset flip but gets shoved off so he headscissors Vito instead. Top rope crossbody is rolled through into two for Nunzio but he hits the Juvy Driver a few seconds later for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. I feel sorry for the guys in matches like these. No one is interested in seeing them and probably even fewer care who wins. This match is background noise while the fans catch their breath before we get to the main event. That being said, the match was nothing interesting at all as the Cruiserweight Title was long since dead at this point.

This run didn’t last long either as it was back to Mexico, where we’ll wrap things up at TripleMania XX.

 

La Hermanadad 187 vs. Chessman/Juventud Guerrera vs. La Familia de Tijuana vs. Hart Foundation 2.0

La Hermanadad is Joe Lider and Psychosis, La Familia is Extreme Tiger and Halloween and the Hart Foundation is Jack Evans and Teddy Hart. This is a Parejas Suicidas cage match, which means it’s escape rules. The only team left in the ring has to face each other later in the night in a lucha de apuesta match. Apparently Lider and Psychosis are back together for one night only after Psychosis (who is wearing his mask again) was burned by an errant fireball.

Chessman is a tag champion with Abyss here but is teaming with Juvy for some reason. Speaking of Juvy, he’s Cruiserweight Champion, back in his mask, and comes out to Enter Sandman of all songs. As the announcer is doing the intros, La Hermanadad destroys everyone with chairs. Tiger gets up too and works over Lider, hitting a big double stomp off the top onto his chest.

Halloween climbs to the top of the cage for a huge dive, thinks better of it, and climbs down to escape. Smart man that painted freak. There are weapons in the cage too. That’s about the extent of the commentary I can give you here as everyone is fighting everyone and there’s no structure to the match at all, which is fine. Halloween is sitting in the aisle with a soda cheering Extreme Tiger on.

Someone ranas Tiger onto a trashcan and Lider hits a knee to the face of Evans. Tiger dropkicks a trashcan into Psychosis’ face as Guerrera escapes. Tiger gets on one of the beams across the top of the cage as Psychosis does the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot. Tiger hits a HUGE dive onto Halloween and Juvy, officially taking La Familia out of the match. In your twist of the match, Psychosis and Lider are fighting on top of the beam with Psychosis firing staples into Lider’s head. They’re partners but they entered the match for a chance to fight each other later. Psychosis gets to the floor.

To recap we have Lider, Evans, Hart and Chessman in the ring still. Evans does one of his WAY overdone flips to Lider before climbing the cage and moonsaulting off the beam. Evans escapes, leaving us with three people inside the cage. Halloween now has some popcorn to go with that soda. Hart hits some backbreakers on both guys followed by a moonsault off the cage.

Hart easily escapes and we’re down to Chessman vs. Lider. Lider crushes Chessman against a ladder and goes up, accepting help from Psychosis despite wanting to fight him. Chessman kicks Lider down though and escapes to send La Hermanadad to a match later tonight.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t so much of a match as much as it was a trainwreck with the focus entirely being on Lider and Psychosis. They were a long running feud so the blowoff being here tonight is a good thing and makes the most sense. The other teams were just kind of there but we got dives off the cage and the fans were into it which is a good thing.

 

Overall Juventud Guerrera is one of the best high fliers we were lucky enough to see in American wrestling. The guy is just insane in the ring and the Air Juvy move was always one of my favorites. He was one of the only people in the world that could hang with Mysterio and he did it to perfection. Check out any of his WCW stuff and you’ll get an entertaining match.

 

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