Impact Wrestling – September 8, 2016: We Want Wrestling And Hat Eating Giraffes!
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Wrestling
Date: September 8, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
Senor Benjamin and Vanguard I tell us that these segments will be performed by professionals and no animals were harmed in making this.
We see a clip from last week with Reby saying prepare the battlefield.
Senor Benjamin digs graves for Decay as we hear an operatic version of the Obsolete song.
Matt tells Senor Benjamin to prepare the personal zoo for visitation.
This brings out Dixie Carter of all people to say people are here to watch wrestling. Tell me Dixie: how much time is Final Deletion II getting tonight? Mike says no one appreciates either himself or Maria but he knows Dixie is about to put him in the main event. Dixie says not so fast because Mike will be in a match against, of course, Moose. Mike and Maria wisely run off.
Gail Kim/Jade vs. Allie/Sienna
3 rounds
3 minutes per round
The match can end at any time but each round is scored on a 10 point system and if no one wins in the nine minute time limit (yes a nine minute time limit), three judges will declare a winner.
Grand Championship Tournament First Round: Braxton Sutter vs. Drew Galloway
During the break, Rockstar Spud attacked Sutter.
The brawl continued after a break with Lashley throwing Carter out of a door and through some wood.
Video on Jesse Godderz and how excited he is for the Grand Championship tournament.
Grand Championship Tournament First Round: Eli Drake vs. Jesse Godderz
Drake hammers away in the corner and gets two off a DDT. A powerslam gets the same but Jesse gets in a forearm, followed by the Adonis Lock. Drake rides out the clock to end the round and it goes to Godderz again. The final round begins with Drake hitting some kind of a powerbomb but getting caught in the Adonis Lock again. An Angle Slam gets two on Eli, only to have him hit Blunt Force Trauma for the quick pin at 9:24 total.
Matt sends Reby back to the house as Decay hides behind ye olde dilapidated boat. Abyss tells someone to get to the house and Jeff dropkicks the boat into the water. Cue Senor Benjamin to say Matt needs the boat. Jeff disappears and Benjamin starts pulling the boat but Joseph Park walks out of the water. Park: “Brother Benjamin! I loved you in Final Deletion!” Benjamin tazes Park and puts him in a conveniently placed bulldozer.
Results
Jade/Gail Kim b. Sienna/Jade – Silencer to Jade
Drew Galloway b. Braxton Sutter – Iron Maiden
Eli Drake b. Jesse Godderz – Blunt Force Trauma
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