Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 2002
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another request due to the world title being on the line with Hogan defending against Flair. Why anyone in their right mind would want to see that match in 2002 is beyond me but people have strange tastes at times. Anyway other than that there’s not much here. I think this is the go home show for Judgment Day 2002. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of last week with Flair turning heel and beating Austin down with a chair. It’s Flair/Big Show vs. Austin at Judgment Day.

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardy Boys

This was Brock’s first feud. He’s already destroyed both of them one on one so this is the next logical step. Jeff jumps Brock to start. They have to tag here and Brock runs over Jeff very quickly. Jeff comes back with a running forearm as the fans chant for Goldberg. Off to Matt who comes off the top with a punch to the head. Now the fans chant for the Mapleleafs. Brock kills him with a belly to belly and the dominance continues. Off to Jeff who screws up his jawbreaker move twice before finally hitting it. The Hardys hit a double flapjack and a double shot from the top rope….and Heyman pulls the referee out for the DQ.

Rating: D. So it was a squash until the Hardys realized that they’re one of the best teams ever and then there’s a lame DQ loss for Lesnar. What was the point of this again? Well it sets up another match at the PPV with Heyman as Lesnar’s partner. What is that supposed to solve anyway? Whatever here, as Lesnar would move up the ladder quickly.

Brock kills Jeff post match but Matt saves him and they hit the Twist/Swanton combo. Heyman makes the challenge for the aforementioned tag match.

Pac and Big Show are in the back when Flair comes in. Flair says this is the start of the new era. Hall is fired but Nash is just hurt. There’s a new NWO member tonight and the guy doesn’t even know that he’s joining tonight. Free will isn’t a popular idea in WWE is it?

Here are Flair and Show in the ring for their explanation for last week. They’re both NWO here. JR rips Flair the whole time because Flair hurt JR’s BFF last week. Flair says that his name is Ric Flair and if you know anything about this business, you have to respect it. He’s a 16 world champion you know. That makes him about 15 times better than the Leafs. He says he has a real enforcer rather than the one the Leafs have.

Flair says he owns Raw which makes him very powerful. As for Austin, Flair drafted him and then he got Stunned for his efforts. Flair tried to be his friend and even gave him carte blanche but Flair got screwed with anyway. Austin is trash, just like the fans. Now Flair can sympathize with Vince for having to deal with Austin all those years. Austin has a giant to worry about now. Tonight, Flair is giving himself a world title match, because what do these young kids know right?

After a break we’re told that the match will be No DQ.

Hogan arrives on his motorcycle.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Eddie Guerrero

Stasiak is a little nuts here. Eddie is IC Champion but this is non-title. These two ran into each other earlier today while Stasiak was going on one of his crazy man rants. He’s from Planet Stasiak and Eddie thinks they grow weed on Planet Stasiak. That offended Shawn so here’s the match as a result. RVD, Eddie’s opponent on Sunday, comes out to watch. Eddie jumps Stasiak to start but Shawn takes him down. Gutwrench slam gets two. A suplex is countered and Eddie goes after the knee. Suplex, Frog Splash, pin. This was about a minute.

RVD jumps Eddie post match. Eddie grabs the mic and says that he’s going to prove he’s better. Pretty awful promo.

Coach goes looking for Austin but finds Debra instead. She says Austin wants to talk but says she’ll go get him for Coach. That’s later apparently.

Apparently later is now because Austin says Flair didn’t say anything important. This is in the height of the WHAT period so Austin speaks in very short statements. He’s not worried about Judgment Day and Flair doesn’t deserve a title match. He’ll be watching though.

Now, A Day In The Life Of Tommy Dreamer. This is during the Dreamer is a Freak stage, so we see things such as him shaving his tongue, drinking toilet water and sharing a toothbrush with his dog. Moving on.

Regal is here for commentary for the next match.

Terri vs. Molly Holly

Regal and Molly are dating or something. This is because of a swimsuit contest last week where Molly hit Terri with a flipper. Terri attacks her and hits the apex of her offense with a slam. Molly is a virgin which is all Lawler can talk about. This is horrible and Molly goes up and gets crotched. Terri hits a rana off the top (nothing special) but Molly rolls her up for the pin. If you think the Divas today are bad, Terri makes Kelly Kelly look like Ricky Steamboat.

Oh apparently Regal dating Molly starts here. Ok then.

WWE Undisputed Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

This is the world title match in 2002. Think about that for a minute. It’s No DQ as well. Hogan comes out on the motorcycle to further prove his mid life crisis. Hogan is a god in Toronto though so he gets a huge pop. To be fair, this is when Flair was 53 and he’s still in pretty decent shape, as is Hogan. It’s FAR better than when they’re in TNA and look about 80 each. Flair charges into him with doesn’t work at all.

Flair gets knocked down multiple times so he goes to get a chair which doesn’t work. He chops Hogan in the corner which goes even worse. Hogan pounds on him in the corner and we get the Flair Flop. He can’t do the Flair Flip though so he pokes Hogan in the eyes and goes up. Guess what happens next. Flair goes low and fires away in the corner. Out to the floor and Hogan takes over again with power, sending Flair into the steps face first.

Back inside and a thumb to the eye gives Flair control again. Hogan blocks the knee drop and hooks a Figure Four that Dusty Rhodes would say looks horrible. After Flair get the ropes, Hogan suplexes him for two. The chops still don’t work so Hogan Hulks Up (was he ever really in trouble?) and hits the boot and leg, drawing out the NWO. Bradshaw (why?) comes out to take out the NWO and Austin comes out to Stun Flair, setting up the legdrop for Hogan to retain.

Rating: D+. It’s Hogan vs. Flair which is the majority of the good stuff here. At the end of the day, Ric Flair is wrestling Hulk hogan for the world title in 2002 on Monday Night Raw, six days before Hogan defends against Undertaker on PPV. Does that seem like a problem to anyone else besides me? This was the year of nostalgia for WWE which resulted in HHH being world champion again by the fall, which is what it should have been over most of the summer. That would make too much sense though so we got this instead.

Flair goes on a rant in the back, the end results being Pac/Show vs. Bradshaw and Austin vs. the new NWO member in a lumberjack match.

Women’s Title/Hardcore Title: Trish Stratus/Bubba Ray Dudle vs. Jazz/Steven Richards

Trish and Bubba are the challengers. Only one title can change hands here I think. This is Toronto remember so Trish gets a huge reaction. This was set up because a blind Bubba powerbombed Trish through a table so that Steven could pin her to win the Hardcore Title. The genders have to match here. Bubba throws Trish onto the champions to start and the girls go first. Richards accidentally splashes Jazz and we get the face in the balls spot. Trish and Bubba bring in weapons but Trish can’t throw anything over the top.

Everything breaks down quickly and Steven takes a hockey stick to the crotch. Justin Credible comes out with a referee, as does Crash. Neither wins the title and various comedy spots follow. Bubba kills Justin with a guitar and Richards knocks Trish to the floor. Off to Jazz and Trish has to come in despite being out on the floor. The men have disappeared and Trish fumbles through some stuff before Stratusfaction gives her the title.

Rating: D. This show is so gimmicked it’s unreal. Now this should give you a good idea of how screwed up WWE was at this point. Trish wins the title here in Toronto from Jazz right? Less than two months earlier, they had a Women’s Title match in Toronto AT WRESTLE FREAKING MANIA, but they do the switch here instead? See how off they were in 2002?

Post match Trish says get the tables. Bubba powerbombs her through it, and by that I mean he jumps through it Jazz misses the table completely.

Undertaker has nothing to say. Literally. Hogan destroyed his motorcycle last week.

We run down the Judgment Day card. The card is stacked (Cell, hair vs. hair) but it wound up sucking.

Goldust and Booker are going to be lumberjacks tonight so Goldie sings the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python. Booker for some reason is in full lumberjack gear, complete with beard. Goldust thought Booker would look ravishing in it. These two were hilarious together.

X-Pac/Big Show vs. Bradshaw

Pac has stolen Kane’s mask in a story I don’t really remember. Pac starts and gets thrown around so Bradshaw demands Big Show get in. Show knocks him down and it’s back to Pac. Powerslam gets two for the future JBL. The crowd is QUIET for this, because it’s 2002 and Bradshaw is getting a singles push for some reason. Show pulls him to the floor and throws him into the steps and it’s back to X-Pac. This is going so slowly. Bradshaw kicks Show to the floor and hits the fallaway slam on Pac. Show grabs a chair and cracks Bradshaw in the back with it and two chokeslams for the pin.

Rating: D. This NWO stuff never went anywhere at all and a lot of that is because they had no one to fight. Austin was the top guy in the company in name only in 2002, Rock was gone, Hogan didn’t do anything but nostalgia, and guys like Bradshaw weren’t going to cut it as a top guy at this point at all. The crowd reaction in Toronto, one of the loudest cities ever, being this weak should tell you a lot.

Hogan goes to leave but Coach stops him to talk about undertaker. Hogan is in a leather jacket (clearly with extra padding) and a helmet that looks like it belongs in a war propaganda movie from World War I. He’ll be a lumberjack later, despite Flair saying he was handpicking the lumberjacks. Taker attaches Hogan to the motorcycle and drags him along. It looks ridiculous and they’re going at about the speed of a brisk jog.

Post break it’s still going on and Hogan crashes into cardboard boxes. Oh man that’s hardcore. Why keeps a wall of cardboard boxes like that anyway?

Post another break we see it AGAIN. Hogan is treated for a neck injury in the back.

Steve Austin vs. ???

Flair hasn’t told the new NWO member who he is remember. This is a lumberjack match remember. Austin beats up the lumberjacks to start but the NWO jumps him. Flair says the new member is Booker T, which is kind of a heel turn I guess. Booker takes over on Austin to start and hits the side kick to take him down. Austin comes back with a spinebuster for two as Bossman pulls him to the floor.

Austin fights the lumberjacks but Lesnar takes him down and rams him into the ring a few times. Back in Austin comes back like the stuff on the floor was nothing. Thesz Press gets no reaction so Show pulls Austin to the floor. Booker hits the axe kick and we get a Spinarooni, which allows Austin to come back again. Booker throws him to the floor AGAIN for the NWO to beat on him. We get a REALLY sloppy sequence that results in Austin ramming Booker into Flair and rolling him up the pin.

Rating: F. That’s probably extreme but let’s look at this here. First of all, there’s no reason for this match to happen. Booker T was literally picked with no motivation to fight Austin. On top of that, the majority of this match was Austin vs. the NWO/lumberjacks. Third, the match SUCKED.

As Austin leaves, Arn Anderson of all people jumps him and the NWO (minus Booker) beats him down to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This was one of the worst shows I can remember in a long time. First and foremost, all of the matches sucked. Second, out of seven matches, TWO (Eddie vs. Stasiak and the Divas) weren’t gimmicked. Those were also the two shortest matches of the night. On top of that, the whole thing is about the NWO and the old guys. Keep in mind this: Booker was the second biggest face on Raw but now he’s NWO.

Other than him and Austin, the biggest face is probably Eddie (remember that the World Champion could be on both shows so Hogan wasn’t exclusively Raw) who would turn heel by the end of the month. That left, I kid you not, Bubba Ray Dudley, Bradshaw or Goldust as the second biggest face on Raw. Austin legitimately bailed on the company, prompting them to bring back Rock and send HHH to Raw to give it some face blood. He was turned heel by August. See why this was a bad time for Raw? Horrible show.

Here’s Judgment Day if you’re interested:

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We got a classic in Savage vs. Flair, but would Hogan vs. Flair have been better?As big as it would have been, I’m thinking no.  The problem with it would have been Hogan getting the win, which would be anticlimactic, especially since he was considering retirement.  The match we got was going to be hard enough to top so it’s hard to complain.

Thoughts?

WCW Saturday Night
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Center State Theater, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

Time for another of these. I found the next episode after January so we can keep going with this for a little while longer. Anyway, this is the go home show before the Clash so expect a lot of push for that. I think this is another 90 minute episode so this will be about as long as the previous one was. Let’s get to it.

There’s a six man main event with a heel mystery partner.

Nasty Boys vs. Ron Oates/Mark Starr

The Nasties are the tag champions and we get a quick word from Jack and Payne, their challengers on Thursday. Sags and Starr start things off and it’s domination early. Off to Knobbs who walks into a dropkick and armdrag as the jobbers clear the ring for a bit. Off to Oates who is a big guy. Not that it matters much as the good guys tag in and out a lot to work on the arm of Knobbs.

Knobbs runs him over to bring in Sags but he gets taken down as well. Finally some double teaming takes over for the Nasties and things slow WAY down. Everything breaks down and they be clubberin on Starr. Off to a chinlock by Sags but Starr gets up for a hot tag to Oates. And never mind as Knobbs kills him with a double ax. Brian splashes him in the corner and a top rope elbow from Sags gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was way better than I was expecting. It’s a nice change of pace to have the jobbers get in some offense other than a few shots here and there. Not the best match in the world or anything, but I didn’t expect it to get almost seven minutes which made things a lot better here.

Colonel Parker says he’s got a mystery man that’s going to take care of Sting and Flair and Boss.

One of the commercials is for this new move Ace Ventura Pet Detective.

Here’s Flair who talks about giving his son the world title to take into his first grade class for show and tell. It’s more serious than it sounds.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Ricky Tango

That’s a great jobber name. This is your usual squash: Tango is all fired up but Dustin survives the offense and hits the big lariat to set up the bulldog for the pin.

Dustin says he’s ready for Steven Regal and the TV Title on Thursday. Regal has been badmouthing America and Dusty and that isn’t cool.

We go to the control center for the Clash to talk about the majority of the card. We see some clips of the Nasties beating up Jack/Payne on World Wide. Gene talks about the chicken suit match and we also get a clip of Simmons getting in a fight with Ice Train.

Shanghai and Slazenger talk about their match next week with Badd. If Shanghai loses, he takes the mask off.

Ron Simmons vs. TC Carter

Carter wants a test of strength so Simmons kicks him in the ribs for his efforts. Carter hits a dropkick and Simmons isn’t happy. Simmons clotheslines him down and demands a handshake. When Carter tries, Ron kicks him down. That’s awesome. Carter tries another comeback but Ron KILLS him with a shoulder and the spinebuster for the pin.

Ice Train comes out to offer another handshake but Simmons has nothing to do with it and walks off.

Parker runs his mouth about Pillman and Austin shows off his new managers’ license so he can be at Parker’s match on Thursday. Ron Simmons is announced as the mystery partner.

Jim Steele vs. Bob Starr

Oh it’s Jungle Jim Steele. Steele looks like a cross between Ultimate Warrior, Jimmy Snuka, and Tarzan. He was one of WCW’s 948 attempts to recreate Ultimate Warrior, but didn’t have the talent or charisma. A Thesz Press ends this quick.

Gene is in the crowd with some girls but he can’t talk about his news regarding Arn Anderson. But they can call the hotline to find out.

Vader vs. Al Phillips

I don’t like the jobber’s chances. What are you expecting here? Big powerbomb ends this in about a minute.

Vader wants Flair on Thursday. He gets him in a tag match and threatens to kill him. Rude comes in and says bring it on Sting.

2 Cold Scorpio/Marcus Bagwell vs. Tom Burton/Bill Payne

Burton and Scorpio start things off and they mess up a cross body spot that sends Scorpio crashing into the mat. He’s playing possum though and cleans house with Bagwell. Powerslam gets two for Marcus. Scorpio comes in for a corner splash and then we get a double superplex to Burton to kill him for the pin. Now that was a cool ending to a squash.

Pillman says Parker is going to wear the chicken suit. Parker broke up the Blondes and on Thursday, dinner will be served. He’s got a piece of chicken in his hand as he says this.

Rick Rude/Steve Austin/Ron Simmons vs. Sting/The Boss/Ric Flair

That’s a big main event. For some reason they come out to Boss’ music which is really slow and doesn’t do much to get the crowd going. Ice Train is here to yell at Simmons and Rude. It’s a brawl to start and the good guys clear the ring as you would expect. Train stays out there because Parker can. So what’s the point of the manager’s license thing then? Rude and Boss start things off.

Off to Sting as Boss hammers on Rude. We get a pair of atomic drops to Rude which is always funny. Off to Austin in a match that could have drawn millions in 98. Austin gets caught in an electric chair and his team hasn’t been having a ton of luck. Off to Naitch in what was supposed to be Starrcade 1994. Austin backdrops him but gets caught in a Figure Four attempt.

Boss comes in to work on the knee but gets caught by Rude. Rude tries a sleeper but gets caught in a jawbreaker. Simmons pulls the top rope down and Boss is sent to the outside. Simmons comes in to throw Boss around and the fans want Sting. Sting vs. Simmons could have been a huge feud. Austin breaks up the tag and Boss is in trouble. Back to Rude as they work on Boss’ back.

Here’s a bearhug but Boss shoves his way to the corner for a tag to Sting, but the referee misses it. Now Simmons switches places with Rude to hook on a bearhug. Simmons goes to the middle rope but jumps into a punch. There’s the tag to Sting who destroys Simmons with a powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Sting pins Simmons on a rollup.

Rating: C+. When all else fails, throw six big names into one match and give them ten minutes. It works on Smackdown (kind of) with all those tag matches. This was pretty fun and it’s cool to see Sting vs. Simmons as they were the top faces in the company about a year prior to this. Not a classic or anything but for a TV main event this was fine.

Overall Rating: C+. For a go home show, this was pretty solid. The opening match was longer than expected so we got some ring time on this show which is rare for most TV. The Clash wasn’t that good if my memory is right but we’ll start up towards SuperBrawl after this one. After that, it’s almost Hogan time. Good show this week.

Here’s the Clash if you’re interested:

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NWA World Wide
Date: January 2, 1988
Location: Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,700
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, David Crockett

Smackdown is downloading so here’s something to fill in the time. This is World Wide which I’ve done a little bit of before and I rather liked it. This is early 1988 and I’d expect a lot of squashes. Sting is rapidly on the rise and would get his big break in late March, so expect him to be taking the Magnum route and crushing someone in about thirty seconds. Let’s get to it.

We open with Lex Luger taking his shirt off and shouting that he wants someone. Oh he wants Arn.

Opening sequence.

Larry and Baby Doll say they want Windham’s Western States Heritage Title. That’s Larry Z in case you’re confused.

Ricky Morton vs. Mike Force

Force jumps him but Morton grabs a backslide for a fast pin. Might have lasted 20 seconds.

Ad for the Bunkhouse Stampede. What a mess that was.

Ricky Morton stands up for America post match because he doesn’t like the Sheepherders running down the red white and blue.

Tony talks about the Bunkhouse Stampede which is a battle royal in a cage and you had to throw people out of the cage to win it. See how it’s kind of a mess? Jim Crockett comes in and announces that Hawk will get a title shot at that show. Dusty, the US Champion and one of the favorites going into the Stampede. He wants the money you win for the Stampede.

Ron Garvin vs. Thunderfoot #1

Thunderfoot, half of a team of masked guys, jumps Garvin in the corner but is knocked down, stomped and pinned in maybe 30 seconds.

Luger still wants Arn Anderson. Anderson drew first blood so Luger says no more.

Sting vs. Thunderfoot #2

I was right: Deathlock in 32 seconds.

Flair says that he’s awesome because he’s world champion and therefore better than anyone else. Michael Hayes has been running his mouth. Flair doesn’t like blue jeans and tennis shoes. He also doesn’t like defending the title against Hayes. As for Sting, he’s the new model that wants to replace Flair. That makes Flair laugh. Hawk can bring it on.

Eddie Gilbert vs. George South

This is also a squash but at least we get 90 seconds to it. The Hot Shot ends it quick. I know I’m leaving a lot out of it but what is there to say? Gilbert stalls a lot then hits the Hot Shot for the pin. That’s about it.

The Legion of Doom says they’ll be ready for the weightlifting challenge. Hawk says women and limos and jets don’t win the world title.

Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard vs. Dusty Rhodes/Nikita Koloff

The former are tag champions and the latter are the US/TV Champions respectfully but this is non-title. Nikita and Tully start us off. There must be a million dollars worth of feuds in there. Tully tries power against Nikita so Koloff holds him in the air for awhile. Off to Arn and Anderson ducks to the floor to avoid the Sickle. We take a break and come back with the Horsemen on the floor again.

They come back in and Dusty takes them down on his own before putting Tully in the really bad figure four. Arn makes the save and takes a leg crank of his own. Arn gets in some right hands but Dusty pops up and slams him down. There’s a slam and Dusty hooks a sleeper. We take another break and come back with Anderson tagging in Dusty to work over Rhodes even more. The Horsemen work on the arm but Dusty manages a DDT out of nowhere to take Arn down. Off to Nikita who goes into Beast Mode. Sickle kills Tully but Arn makes the save as everything breaks down. Nikita is thrown over the top for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not bad here as they were in the pretty standard face in peril formula. Nikita was awesome until the end of the decade when he had to get off steroids and lost most of his muscle mass. Either way, it’s cool to see the late 80s version of Koloff run over people. He was one of the top faces in the company at this point and was in main event feuds like this one.

Flair comes out to help in a Horseman beatdown but Lex runs in to take out Arn.

Paul Jones says his men (Powers of Pain) are stronger than the Road Warriors.

Big Bubba Rogers/Midnight Express vs. Kendall Windham/Mighty Wilbur/Italian Stallion

Wilbur is a BIG country boy. He and Lane start us off with Lane jumping into a massive bearhug. Off to Eaton and Windham which sounds a lot better than it really is. The Midnights double team as only they can. Cornette is on commentary to explain why they’re awesome. Here’s Bubba for about two seconds and here’s Eaton again. Kendall falls into a tag to the Stallion who hits the worst looking monkey flip I can remember in a long time. Bubba runs him over and there’s the Flapjack for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty common thing to see from the Midnights as they made an art form out of the squash. This was the six man variety and Cornette on commentary made it even better. Kendall was trained by his brother but just wasn’t nearly as good. Wilbur was too much like Norman the Lunatic for his own good I think which is why you never hear about him.

Overall Rating: C+. There are two ways to do shows like these. This would be the right one. This was so fast paced that it stays exciting. While most of these matches are squashes, they’re kept fast so no one has the time to get boring. That’s a very good idea and the whole show works better that way. Good stuff.

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SuperClash 1985
Date: April 20, 1985
Location: Comiskey Park, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 21,000
Commentator: Larry Nelson

Some of you might remember me talking about SuperClash III which was Lawler vs. Von Erich for the “unified” title. This is the original in the series and it’s one of those Pro Wrestling USA shows. In other words, the other companies (AWA/Crockett in this case) are banding together in a mostly futile attempt to fight off Vince because those national companies are evil so we need to join up into a national company to stop it. The main event is Magnum vs. Flair for the title in what should have been the main event of Starrcade 1986. Let’s get to it.

Nelson and Gagne welcome us to the show.

AWA Light Heavyweight Title: Steve Regal vs. Brad Rheingans

Regal is defending and is the heel. Brad is an Olympic weightlifter. Both guys are interviewed by Nelson on the way to the ring. Regal of course isn’t the British version. His name is Mr. Electricity, which would be a great gimmick for today’s Regal for the camp value if nothing else. There are a few rows of fans at ringside in bleachers (and by a few I mean about four) so it looks like there are about 200 people here. Then they go wide and you see 20,000 so it’s not so bad.

Brad easily overpowers him to start and controls with a headlock. Regal has been champion for over a year and a half. He works on the arm but Brad avoids a charge and works on Regal’s arm. In a really bad looking spot, Brad dropkicks him and the feet hit Regal, but Regal doesn’t move and Brad acts like he missed it. A bad looking clothesline by Regal results in more bad selling. This is really missing but it’s not completely horrible.

Off to a chinlock by the champ which is probably a good idea here as they need to collect their heads. It’s strange to see a power man in there fighting for a lighter title. We’re five minutes in and Regal might have cheated to keep his chinlock. Regal lets him up and drops a middle rope elbow. Another attempt at one hits mat and both guys are down. Brad starts his comeback with a backdrop for two. Atomic drop looks for a pin but Jimmy Garvin distracts the referee, allowing Regal to get a rollup to retain.

Rating: D. This one wasn’t really bad but it came and went and that’s about it. It’s not a good match and it’s not interesting either. This is one of those light heavyweight matches where it’s a match of regular wrestlers who weigh under a certain limit. They don’t wrestle any differently and it makes for a pretty dull match.

Regal says he didn’t cheat.

AWA Women’s Title: Sherri Martel vs. Candi Devine

Devine is defending. Rheingans jumps Regal before the match starts. Sherri stalls before the match and won’t let the referee pat her down for weapons. To be fair she’s wearing a form fitting one piece swimsuit so where would she hide them? Devine grabs a top wristlock but Sherri pulls the hair to take her down. Nelson sounds like Casey Kasem. Now Sherri works on the arm. Now Devine works on the arm.

Sherri gets in a shot to the head to take over before sending her out to the floor. Somehow Sherri loses track of the woman in a black outfit on a baseball field and Candi is able to sneak back in and dropkick Sherri to the floor. Boston Crab by Candi is reversed into a reversal by Sherri which gets two. Sherri drops a leg and a horrible small package for one. Back to the floor and Sherri knees her in the head to keep her out of the ring.

After that happens a few times Devine pulls Sherri to the floor and wraps the leg around the post. Back in and Devine works on the arm a bit more because we haven’t done that in awhile. Now Sherri hooks a headlock and this needs to end really badly. It’s 80s women’s wrestling so this isn’t going to be good by default (other than the Bomb Angels that is) but do we need eleven minutes of it? Sunset flip gets two for Devine. Finally Sherri wins with a top rope splash. Actually it was more like a knee to the chest as she overshot Candi but whatever.

Rating: D-. This was even worse than the previous one. The psychology was completely non-existent (wrap the leg around the post, TIME FOR AN ARMBAR!!!) as Devine was clearly there for her looks. Sherri was a heat machine but I never was huge on her in ring stuff. Pretty awful match.

Sherri says she’s the champion.

As I said, everyone is giving interviews before the match. I’m not going to bother recapping them unless something of note is said because most of them just say “I’ll win.”

Asian Six Man Tag Titles: Giant Baba/Tsuruta/Genichiro Tenryu vs. Harley Race/Bill Irwin/Scott Irwin

I can find no source claiming that these titles existed either before or after this show. The three Japanese guys are the defending champions but they have no belts. Baba has freaky skinny arms. Scott vs. Tenryu to start. They talk about the two former world champions here: Race and Tsuruta. That’s very interesting that they’re ignoring Baba being a three time NWA World Champion.

Ok so Scott is in the shirt. Got it. Race comes in to fight Tenryu and never mind as it’s Jumbo. Race is his usual old school heel self and it’s off to Bill. Bill makes a tag as Tsuruta counters a top wristlock. Off to Race vs. Baba as this match is really awkward. There’s no story here so there’s no heat to it. They tag in and out a lot and technically it’s ok, but it’s more like a collection of moves than a coherent match.

Bill gets a boot in and the fans are getting behind the heels. See what I mean about it not making a lot of sense? Tenryu is going to be playing Ricky Morton it seems. Piledriver gets two for Race. The Irwins hit a double back elbow for the same. Tenryu gets a boot up and it’s hot tag to Jumbo. Everything breaks down and Baba LAUNCHES Bill into the corner and to the floor. Back to Tenryu who gets a slam for two. Everything breaks down again and Baba hits a big boot on Bill for the pin to retain.

Rating: D. This show has been pretty meh so far and this match hasn’t helped anything. The fake champions defended their fake titles against guys they have no issue with right? On top of that like I said, there’s no issue here so the match isn’t anything interesting either. This felt off the whole time and it really brought it down. That and the heels being cheered because no one knew most of the Japanese guys.

The idiot Nelson calls Race the Legend of St. Louis.

Midget Championship: Little Mr. T. vs. Little Tokyo

This is something they’d do every now and then. The title had no continuity and one day a guy would be called champion for the sake of having a title match. These matches usually suck and it’ll probably have some unfunny comedy. This is one of those matches where there’s not much to say because again, there’s no story. Mr. T. gets caught in a quick armbar as for the fourth match in a row, Nelson isn’t sure if there was hair pulling or not.

Tokyo rams him into the buckle but Mr. T. comes back with a headbutt for two. Back to the armbar by T. until Tokyo comes back with strikes. He’s mean apparently. T. hooks a chinlock and then Tokyo kicks him in the shoulder. This is going nowhere. T. and the referee look at something in the air for no apparent reason. Here’s a test of strength which Tokyo controls but Mr. T. doesn’t pity that Japanese fool and stomps on Tokyo’s feet. Tokyo hooks a headlock again and T. hits a pair of Butt-Butts. You figure out what it is. Tokyo wins with a double chop.

Rating: D-. Is there a single good match on this whole show? There are enough to pick from (13) as the show runs over three hours, so there almost has to be one good one in here somewhere. It’s pretty clear that they were trying to fit as much in here as possible without really putting any effort into it. And they wonder why they went out of business.

IWA International Title: Mil Mascaras vs. Buddy Robers

This is called the Mexican Title but it’s an actual belt. Mascaras is champion here. Roberts is a Freebird so he’s a southern brawler, which doesn’t sound like it’s going to mesh that well with Masscaras. Mil moves around quickly and Roberts is getting frustrated. Mascaras hooks a full nelson and lifts him off the mat with it in a nice display of power. He uses a bunch of holds that get on Roberts’ nerves and this is bordering on a squash.

When all else fails, rake the eyes of the masked man. Buddy might hit him low before coming off the middle rope with an elbow for tow. Neckbreaker gets two. They slug it out and Roberts misses a running knee in the corner. He gets tied up and Mascaras doesn’t follow up due to being technico. Mascaras throws him around, slams him and comes off with the top rope cross body to retain.

Rating: C. This was by far the best match of the night up to this point. More than anything else, they kept this short. It also helped that there was a story, even though it was a simple one (one guy cheats, the other doesn’t). Mascaras was something different (and interesting, unlike the midgets or women) and made the match much more entertaining.

WCCW Texas Title: Kerry Von Erich vs. Jimmy Garvin

There seems to be more people around the ring now. Kerry wants the Claw before the match even begins but Precious gets in the way. Kerry is defending here. He takes the jacket off and we get the girl pop. We hear about Mike being in the hospital. That would be the injury he was rushed back from and that would drive him to suicide. Kerry tries the Claw but when Jimmy runs, Kerry does Jimmy’s strut.

Kerry speeds things up and the place is erupting off every move he makes. Garvin tries to cheat and gets run over for his efforts. Shoulder block gets two. Garvin gets in some offense but misses an elbow drop. Kerry misses a knee but doesn’t really get in trouble. A quick abdominal stretch is broken up and Garvin hooks a chinlock. Kerry gets knocked to the floor where Precious yells at him. Garvin won’t let him back in so Kerry stalls like a Zbyszko. Back in Kerry hits some discus punches but can’t get the Claw. Jimmy goes up but gets crotched and falls off, allowing Kerry to get the pin.

Rating: C-. Anticlimactic ending aside, this could have been a bad TV main event I guess. It’s a good example where the crowd can help a match as the fans were rabid for Kerry. What a shame it was that Fritz wouldn’t let his boys go outside of Texas because Kerry could have been a huge star on a national stage.

Nick Bockwinkel/Ray Stevens/Larry Zbyszko vs. Greg Gagne/Scott Hall/Curt Hennig

Old vs. new here. Hall with that mustache is something to see. Jack Brickhouse introduces the match. He reminisces for awhile and does LONG intros, taking almost three minutes to introduce six men. Hennig vs. Bockwinkel to get us going. The fans all start to get interested in something so the match stops for a few seconds. Bockwinkel flips Hennig around as Curt is a hot shot rookie at this point.

Hennig comes back so Nick hides in the corner. Off to Larry who only stalls about 40 seconds this time. Larry gets thrown around so he rants and raves for awhile. Off to Hall who works on Larry’s arm. Off to Gagne who jumps onto the arm off the top. Now Hennig works on the arm but Larry gets a suplex in to bring back Nick. Larry and Nick choke on Hennig in the corner until Hall comes over which doesn’t really do much.

Hennig gets knocked to the floor and worked over for a few minutes until it’s back inside for an abdominal stretch from Larry. Curt manages to tag Gagne but the referee misses it. Bockwinkel and Hennig collide as the match keeps going. Larry comes in and there’s the hot tag (with a POP) to Gagne. Everything breaks down and Hall powerslams Steves (both illegal) for the pin. Stevens never tagged into the match.

Rating: C-. Not the best six man in the world as it was more or less a three on two match given Stevens not coming in. The match wasn’t that good but the energy was there at the end. Hall looked like a completely different guy and Hennig has a small afro, so time has been kind to those guys. This was just barely ok.

AWA Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Road Warriors

The Warriors are defending. This is Hayes/Gordy and they have their faces painted with the Confederate Flag. The champs clear the ring before the bell and are mad over because this is in Chicago. Hawk and Gordy start as Hayes walks around the field with people yelling at him. Hawk pounds on Terry so Terry heads off to bring in Hayes. Off to Animal as the Birds stall. Ok it’s Animal vs. Gordy.

The squashing continues with the Warriors taking their shots at Gordy. Michael comes back in again and gets pounded so much he crawls back to Gordy for a tag. Terry is like uh….not right now. Gordy finally wakes up and goes after the eyes before dodging a charging Hawk to send his shoulder into the post. Hayes comes back in and hits a side suplex for two. Piledriver by Gordy mostly works but Hawk doesn’t feel like selling that much.

Hayes goes up but Hawk slams him off the top but manages to tag before Hawk can. That’s kind of impressive. Gordy and Hawk collide but there’s the hot one to Animal. Hayes stays on the apron as Animal destroys Gordy, getting two off a powerslam. Everything breaks down and even Roberts and Ellering come in. Ellering gets dropped with a chair and Gordy accidentally pops Hayes. Powerslam to Hayes by Animal and a shoulder to Gordy looks to finish but Hayes comes off the middle rope with something around his hand to knock Animal out for the pin and the titles! The place is stunned.

Rating: D+. This one didn’t quite work either. The whole match was a mess and the ending was hard to follow due to everything going all nuts. The Warriors were still in the period where they would do nothing but run people over, which ran for about the next six or eight years. Bad match for the most part, but you know what’s coming.

Verne Gagne comes out and says hold on a minute. He reverses the decision and the Warriors get the titles back.

NWA Six Man Titles: Krusher Khruschev/Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Crusher/Dick the Bruiser/Baron Von Raschke

This is Crockett vs. AWA and the Russians are the champions of course. Big brawl to start and we eventually get down to Crusher vs. Krusher. Crusher bolo punches his way to prosperity and brings in the Baron. Nikita comes in and runs from the Claw. Nikita was a killing machine and he’s running from an old bald guy holding his hand in the air. Ivan comes in and gets beaten up by the old man as well.

Here’s Dick The Bruiser who is a scary man. He and the Crusher are identical. Dick and Ivan have a test of strength with the evil Russian cheating to escape. Back to Crusher vs. Krusher with Crusher taking over and bringing Baron back in. Ivan comes back in and takes Crusher down. He hits a legdrop which Nelson calls illegal. I’m not even touching that one. Crusher makes his comeback and it’s off to the Bruiser. Baron comes in and drops a leg which isn’t mentioned by Nelson. There’s the Claw and everything breaks down. We cut to a wide shot then go back to see Ivan pinning Baron.

Rating: D+. The ending is as quick as it sounds and since Larry didn’t see it either, we have no idea what knocked Baron out. I think you could see both other Russians but things were moving too fast. Nikita should have been in there running over people though as it’s what he was best at. This is the AWA though so it doesn’t think things through at times.

AWA American’s Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Boris Zhukov

Guess who the champion is. Boris jumps the champ to start but Sarge uses the powers of American to get control. The camera jumps to the crowd for some reason. Back to Slaughter destroying Boris, sending the shoulder into the post. They head to the floor and Zhukov slams him onto the mound. Boris controls with basic heel tactics back in the ring. Swinging neckbreaker gets two.

There are three matches left after this one and I don’t think I could take anything longer than that. This show has completely drained me. Out to the floor again and Boris slams him on the announce table. A piledriver out there is countered and Boris is slammed off the top back in. Nelson says the ring shifted an inch and then a foot. Dropkick by Sarge puts Boris down and he loads up the Cannon. The Cannon (short clothesline) hits the referee instead and Boris hits him with a loaded elbow pad. Sarge is busted and as the referee checks on it, Boris shoves the referee for the DQ.

Rating: D+. My mind is numb at this point. These matches mean nothing and we’re getting one cheap finish after another. Also the insane amount of punch/kick matches are making this unbearable. There hasn’t been a single match that I would call good and we’re over two hours into it. This needs to get done because it’s too late to be saved. This match was just another on the pile tonight.

Kamala vs. Jerry Blackwell

This is a $10,000 bodyslam challenge. Kamala is managed by Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey. The Sheik used to manage Blackwell so there’s your story to the match. Kamala pounds on him to start and I keep trying to remember if he ever won a big match. The crowd reacts to it at least. Blackwell makes his comeback and uses general fat man stuff including a splash.

They try to slam each other which doesn’t work at all because more often than not you don’t just pick someone up and try to slam them. They slug it out and Kamala knocks him down with a chop to the head. There’s a splash and the idiot referee counts one. Here’s a nerve hold for a few seconds. Blackwell Hulks Up, splashes Kamala in the corner and slams him for the win.

Rating: D. It was short but this was one of those goofy fat man matches that they would have. The crowd would get into them which is the right idea. Blackwell was incredibly popular but he never would win the world title. Kamala was Kamala for the better part of ever so he was pretty set.

Post match Al-Kaissey and Kamala beat on Blackwell with a sword. Yeah they turn it on its side and hit him over the head with it. Baron with a ball bat finally makes the save.

AWA World Title: Rick Martel vs. Stan Hansen

Martel is defending. This is the next to last match thank goodness. Hansen jumps him to start and they go to the floor as the bell rings. Back in and it’s all Hansen. If I understood right this has a 25 minute time limit. The midgets got 45. Martel sunset flips him for two. Hansen takes him to the mat and chokes away before it’s a big brawl. They go to the floor and Hansen hits him with some chairs and it’s a DQ in about two and a half minutes. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? We’ve had eleven other matches and the WORLD TITLE MATCH gets two and a half minutes? You couldn’t cut one of the six men matches down? I’m done.

Martel and Hansen brawl onto the field and into the dugout until Verne finally breaks it up.

NWA World Title: Magnum TA vs. Ric Flair

I need this. Flair in the 80s may be somewhat overrated, but Flair’s worst match ever is going to be a glass of water in the desert on this show. Magnum is young here but looks awesome. It’s such a shame what happened to him. Flair doesn’t have the big gold belt yet. Nelson: “Flair like to talk about his robes and his money and his possessions. Magnum TA likes to talk about winning the heavyweight championship of the world.”

They go to the mat to start and no one can get an advantage. They try it again and Magnum takes over with a hammerlock. Back up and Magnum wins a power match in a top wristlock. They speed things up and Magnum dropkicks him down followed by a gorilla press. Flair chops him in the corner but Magnum shrugs them off and it’s back to the arm. Flair throws him through the ropes but Magnum holds on and comes back in all fired up. His dropkick misses though and here comes Naitch.

The champ hits that one armed snapmare that you’ll see him do a lot. There’s the knee drop but he doesn’t cover. Butterfly suplex gets two. Abdominal stretch has Magnum in trouble but Flair gets caught pulling trunks so the hold has to be broken. Flair snapmares him down again but the knee misses. Magnum IMMEDIATELY throws on a figure four and the champ is in trouble. You don’t need a big long beatdown. This makes perfect sense so the psychology is right there. Love it.

Ric finally makes a rope but his knee is messed up now. Magnum tries to put it on again but Flair counters. A low blow takes TA down but Flair can’t capitalize. Suplex gets two for Magnum. Backslide for two. Flair pokes him in the eye and throws him to the floor. Magnum comes back with a sunset flip attempt but Flair punches him in the head to break it up. This time Flair hooks a hammerlock and puts his foot on the rope at the same time. Little things like those will always get someone booed, but for some reason no one does them anymore.

Flair stays on the arm and puts his foot on the rope but swears he didn’t do it. Again, little things. Crucifix position cradle gets two. Magnum fights up and hooks a sleeper. Flair slaps at the ropes but doesn’t grab them so the referee won’t break it up. The sleeper was Magnum’s finisher before he started using the belly to belly. A splash hits knees though and both guys are down.

Flair hits a kneecrusher out of nowhere and there’s the Figure Four. Magnum turns it over so Flair lets it go. He tries to hook it again just like Magnum did earlier but Flair’s is countered as well. Magnum throws him into the corner for the Flair Flip (Nelson thinks it’s a DQ but the referee says Flair flipped himself. Whatever) and they go to the floor. Flair is busted so Magnum pounds away at the cut.

Magnum is all fired up but Flair says bring it on. TA keeps pounding away at the cut and Flair is bleeding nice and strong. Big right hand gets two. Backdrop puts Flair down as he’s holding back on the belly to belly so far until he knows Flair is ready. They do the awesome backslide bridge out and the fans are all fired up now. There’s the belly to belly (powerslam according to Nelson) but Flair’s feet hit the referee. Magnum rolls him up but Flair pulls the tights into one of his own for the pin. Nelson: “Flair wins the title!”

Rating: B+. After the AWFUL stuff that we had to sit through for the last three hours, I’d have given anything that was good a solid grade here. Good match here and after Magnum had his best match ever in about two months, seeing this again in about fourteen months would have been awesome. Very good match and every time I see Magnum in a big one, it makes me kind of sad. He’d be 52 today so he could still be somewhat active. What a shame.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. Until the main event this was going to be a rating that hadn’t been heard of yet. It’s not so much that it’s bad because some of these matches are okish, but THIRTEEN of them in a row isn’t enough for a very good main event to make this even salvageable. The lack of stories and the high amount of punch/kick matches bring this WAY down. Just too long and nothing interesting until the last match. Really bad show but if you’ve got 25 minutes to kill, you could do a lot worse than Flair vs. Magnum.

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I’m watching a Flair match from 1985 and it got me to thinking:In a lot of Flair matches, you would see him put his feet on the ropes or cheat in some small way.  I remember at I think Starrcade 88 he had Luger dead and could have pinned him with one finger on Luger’s chest.  Flair threw his feet on the ropes anyway on the pin.  That’s something so small and so easy, but it’ll get people to boo you every time.

In short, bad guys cheat.  It can be anything, from feet on the ropes to grabbing a rope for extra leverage to hooking some tights to poking in the eye.  Any of those little things will get the crowd to boo you because the fans know that some things are just plain cheating.  The same is true of good guys: stuff like clean breaks or offering a handshake.  As long as it’s not campy, it’ll make it clear who the good guys is.

My question: who does no one do things like this anymore?  They’re so simple but they’re guaranteed heel heat.  Is that too complicated for them?

Clash of the Champions 33
Date: August 15, 1996
Location: Denver Coliseum, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 8,304
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re at one of the final editions of this show and it’s probably a good thing. This is right after Hogan won the world title as a member of the NWO and tonight it’s his first defense which is against Flair. This isn’t a terrible looking card on paper and I vaguely remember watching it when it aired. I’m on a WCW 96 kick for some reason so this isn’t completely off from what I just got done with. Let’s get to it.

We get a series of clips of Hogan destroying various people as head of the NWO, saying if he’d do things to Savage like he did then what would he do to Flair who he can’t stand? Good question.

Tony and Bobby talk for a bit and we get a video from Nitro with the Outsiders vs. Sting/Luger. The Horsemen came out for a save when Luger was down. This was around the time when Nick Patrick was about to join the NWO but he hadn’t quite done it yet. This was part of attempt #1 to get WCW united out of about 8375, none of which worked.

Crusierweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio had won the title on Nitro the night after Hogan turned and this is a rematch. Tenay shows up for this one. Rey is AWESOME at this point given that his knees are still in their original form here and he’s about 40 pounds lighter before steroids happened. Yeah young fans, the Rey you see today is a giant compared to what he debuted as.

Dean jumps him before the bell and the beating is on. He’s relatively heel here but only as heel as he could get. Rey speeds things up, flying all over the place for a bit to tick Dean off. He speeds up again and takes over with ease. The move that would become known as the 619 is still a taunt here and Rey tries to get at Dean’s mind with it.

Dean slows things down and hits a slick move by setting for a powerbomb and dropping back into a hot shot. JUMPING brainbuster should kill Rey but it only gets two. Cool move by Rey as he gets a running start, grabs Dean and rolls backwards into a Fisherman’s suplex for two. Chinlock goes on by Dean to slow things down. We take a break and Tony says if anything happens we’ll show you. No replay is shown so did they just stand there? Was it a game of freeze tag?

Rey gets a running start and gets LAUNCHED into the air but lands on the middle rope. After catching his balance for a second he backflips off, starting an insane pinfall reversal sequence. That’s reminiscent of one of my all time favorite spots. Shortly after Rey debuted in WWE he was facing Noble on Smackdown.

Jamie threw him over his head (more or less throwing Rey into a leap frog) and Rey landed on the middle rope, didn’t stop for a second and bounced backwards, catching Noble in a rana into a pin. Noble totally telegraphed it but who cared man. That was insane and my jaw hit the floor when I saw that, which does not happen with me. We start talking about Nick Patrick and how he’s apparently become white. And black. That joke didn’t work as well as I wanted it to.

Dean with a leg lock that gets him nowhere. Oddly enough Dean is winning with power here. Rey sends him to the floor and gets a HUGE tope con hilo into a senton. He more or less botches the heck out of a Lionsault off the guardrail but to be fair the big spot just before that makes up for it. Springboard version of the West Coast Pop (doesn’t have that name here) gets two. Now we’re talking about the tag titles for no apparent reason at all.

One of Dean’s signature moves is a gutbuster out of a fireman’s carry off the middle rope. The problem here is that Rey weighs 130lbs soaking wet with a brick in his pocket, so when Dean elevates him for it he loses his grip on Mysterio so there is NOTHING to protect Rey as his ribs hit Dean’s knee. That looked incredible. He covers Rey who gets his foot on the rope. The referee counts three anyway but then waves it off. Rey uses the distraction to get the pin on a victory roll.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME. You had Dean LAUNCHING Rey all over the place, making it look like Rey was flying. The big dives from Rey were top notch and that gutbuster looked incredible. Dean’s timing on that was great too as he had to move his knee into position to have Rey land on it. Great match here and very fun. Unfortunately we have to watch the other 78 minutes of this show.

Glacier is still coming. Holy sweet merciful crap that was one of the biggest bombs of all time. His entrance alone cost over half a million dollars and we had to deal with six months, yes I said MONTHS of vignettes hyping him up.

V.K. Wallstreet vs. Jim Duggan

Get it? VKM, obsessed with money, wears a suit a lot? Yeah it was crap. It’s Mike Rotunda, aka IRS. What does the R stand for anyway? There are fans with an NWO banner and Heenan isn’t sure what to think of that. These two are feuding apparently. Duggan gets a wristlock but Wallstreet gets the ropes. He looks at the camera and says he’s too smart for Duggan who is right behind him. Nice one dude.

Naturally we’re talking about Hogan vs. Flair almost nonstop here. After some basic back and forth stuff we hit the chinlock. Jawbreaker gets Duggan out of trouble. This is incredibly dull. Duggan gets a slam and tries to tape up his fist which was a thing he was doing at the time so the referee tries to stop him. In the ensuing chaos Wallstreet rolls him up for the pin. What the heck ever man.

Rating: F+. Just boring beyond belief here with nothing special going on whatsoever. This was one of those feuds that happened and I don’t think anyone actually remembers it. GrantedI don’t think anyone remembered it as it was happening either. Either way, this was dull and a waste of 5 minutes counting introductions.

The Nasty Boys say they’re going to fight. They’ve been having issues with the NWO who they would soon try to join or maybe they already did. Knobbs says they want the gold. Oh and they should be in the triangle match for the titles.

After a break we’re with Gene again who says that earlier he and Tenay were interrupted by the Outsiders and wound up interviewing them. Want to know what was said? CALL THE HOTLINE!!! Oh dear.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Konnan

Naturally they call him Ultimate here because they’re stupid. Thankfully Tony and Mike say the right name but his graphic says Ultimate. Konnan is in regular trunks here which is weird to see. Nick Patrick is the referee here so I’d bet on a lot of the focus being on him because a referee is more important than the wrestlers.

Konnan dominates to start, taking Dragon to the mat and getting an insane looking deathlock/Cloverleaf on him. Dragon’s arms were between his legs and it looked painful. He hits the floor and we hear about how Konnan is all bitter over losing his US Title, which would lead to his heel turn. HEY! That’s a great way to start talking about Hogan!

Dragon sends him to the floor and Sonny lays in some decent kicks of his own. Somehow the referee has no issue with this at all either. Dragon takes over and gets a moonsault and a majistrol cradle for two. Konnan rolls through a German Suplex and uses the tights to get the very fast win. Under three minutes so no rating but this wasn’t anything special at all.

There’s a really old school internet chat going on and Ice Train is there. It’s on Compuserve of all things. Scott Norton, his old partner, jumps him there.

Meng vs. Randy Savage

This should be dull. Savage is badly injured here. Actually scratch the here part as there’s no Savage. That rock version of Pomp and Circumstance is pretty awesome to listen to though. Not so good to put on toast. Savage is too injured to wrestle so it’s a forfeit. Fans are not happy to say the least.

The Dungeon of Doom comes out to talk. Sullivan talks about how he’s never been a fan of Hogan and never praised him. He’s always told it how it is about Hogan and wants an explanation from Gene about him supporting the entire time. Jimmy cuts him off to say how great the Dungeon is…and a Leprechaun is here. No one talks about him but the camera shows him running all over the place. Apparently that’s Dwayne Bruce, the guy that ran the Power Plant and trained Goldberg. Yeah that’s it.

Bull Nakano vs. Madusa

These two had some great matches in Japan so this should be good. Madusa starts off very fast but can’t get much going. Nakano grabs her by the hair and spins her around the ring by it. That has to freaking hurt so she does it again! Nakano hits her with knunchuks twice and the referee is all cool with it apparently. Madusa totally botches a cross body, hitting Nakano in the feet. Top rope double axe handle to the floor kills Sonny (manager) who then kicks Nakano by mistake for the pin. This was very short but sloppy beyond belief. Terrible match indeed.

Flair and the girls say tonight it’s Flair vs. Hogan with Flair talking about how this is about being the best. He has zero chance to win the title but at least he’s acting intense. Flair says he has the Horsemen backing him up. Liz is so much hotter in the leather jacket and regular shirt than the dresses it’s unreal.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is for the Battlebowl Ring which is apparently a defendable title. Page is on the brink of the push of a lifetime as he would become the first guy to turn down the NWO and become the hottest face in the company for about a year. He has the look down here too. Eddie starts off fast of course but Page takes him down early. Guerrero’s shoulder hits the post so Page stomps on his ribs. He was still learning here.

Page gets a nice spinout gutbuster for two. Heenan still complains about the lack of arm work. DDP has an earring in his ear and Heenan suggests that Eddie rips it out. Brain could be a bit evil at times. They slug it out and Eddie pounds away, winning that aspect of the match. Batista Bomb gets two for Page. Page sets him for a top rope suplex but Eddie knocks him off and gets the Frog Splash for the win and the ring. Diamond Cutter post match and Page keeps the ring. More Diamond Cutters hit and Chavo tries to save which fails as well.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match here but it wasn’t bad. These two feuded forever with the idea being to get Page much better as a result. It kind of worked but the people were tired of the feud once it was over. Anyway, they would meet again for the US Title at Starrcade and then Page would turn and everything would get awesome.

Hogan pops up to yell at Gene. He talks about how there can only be one great one and starting tonight…nothing apparently. This is rather pointless indeed.

Glacier is STILL coming. Exact same ad from earlier.

Chris Benoit vs. The Giant

Ok this has to be good right? It’s Benoit. Woman is helping Benoit out of his vest so Giant DROPKICKS him in the corner. Keep in mind that the Giant is more commonly known as Big Show. He’s still lean here and one of the most amazing athletes you’ll ever seen. This is the Giant that could have destroyed Andre, not the big oaf you see today. Giant immediately grabs him and gets the BIGGEST CHOKESLAM EVER, with every bit of Benoit above the post for the easy pin in 30 seconds if you stretch it out. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Sting/Lex Luger vs. Steiner Brothers vs. Harlem Heat

Heat are the champions here. This is a triangle match which has some different rules depending on what year it is. This time it’s one fall to a finish and you have to tag in and out. Sometimes it would be elimination, some times it would be three guys in the ring at once, sometimes it would be like this. You never could tell for sure. Ok, please give us something watchable here. I beg of you.

Scotty and Booker start us off. Luger drills Booker with a clothesline to take him to the floor and he’s shaken up. Scott, like an idiot, tags in Luger. If his team isn’t in the match, they can’t win the titles. Well he does have to dumb himself down so maybe that has something to do with it. Stevie in now and they take turns slugging each other down in the corner.

Rick tags himself in and kills Stevie with a Steiner Line. Top rope bulldog gets two as Luger breaks it up. We take a break and are back with Booker and Rick but Sting tags himself in to beat on Booker. There’s an interesting matchup. They alter the top rope rule again so Sting isn’t disqualified. Off to Luger now as the superstars are in control. We get into the psychology part here as everyone keeps breaking things up.

Scott REACHES to get a tag to bring himself in to beat on Sting. Sting has on purple and yellow. Must be an alliance with Cena. Back to Luger as this is getting more like a brawl by the second. Rick gets a nice reverse German suplex as we hear about how the air this high off the ground could be a factor. That’s rather true actually. Luger gets a fireman’s carry which is called the Rack for no apparent reason.

Everything breaks down and it’s Booker vs. Scott in the ring still. Everyone else is fighting in the aisle and here come the Outsiders! They beat the heck out of everyone else but the key thing here is that Nick Patrick does not see it. Scott gets the Frankensteiner but Patrick sees the Outsiders leaving and call that a DQ to throw the match out. Scott is right: that’s nonsense.

Rating: C. The match was starting to get good by the end but of course the referee is more of a focus than the match so we’ll go with that instead. This isn’t much to talk about as far as the ending goes, but the rest of it was pretty good. It’s nothing I’ll remember in half an hour but it was ok while it lasted.

Gene talks to Patrick who says that it was a DQ. Gene says that it shouldn’t have been because it wasn’t in the ring. So freaking what? So if Nexus comes down and beats the tar out of Cena but doesn’t get in the ring it’s legal? Yeah this is rather stupid and Patrick is right here.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Oh look it’s this match again. They talk about the 4th member of the NWO being around but no one knows who he is. It would be DiBiase which would actually save WWF in the long run as it freed up Austin. Fifth would be Giant. Both try to get in each other’s heads which only kind of works. Flair grabs a headlock as Tony tries to convince us that Flair is nervous. That’s very funny.

Hogan struts a bit as this is Larry Z levels of stalling. I love hearing Bobby go off about how he told us all so about Hogan for years. The match is two minutes old and we’ve had maybe 30 seconds of contact. Flair gets in chops and punches to take Hogan down to the floor and he’s very frustrated.

Out to the floor now with Hogan in control. They’re trying to make this out to be a huge match but it’s the same thing we’ve seen so many times before. That was an issue I always had with the NWO. Both guys had been in WCW maybe five years earlier and probably a lot less than that. Also it’s not like they were brand new as everyone knew who they were, but all of a sudden we’re supposed to be terrified of them?

Hogan works over Flair on the floor and mainly his back, but Flair gets him back into the ring and lands a suplex. Hogan, for perhaps the only time ever that I can remember as a true heel, Hulks Up complete with the basic offense. I’d love to have him do that more often I think. He was almost unbeatable with that so why not keep doing the same thing he’s done for years?

Legdrop misses and Flair goes for the leg. SHOCK AND AWE SHOCK AND AWE SHOCK AND AWE: HE GOT IT ON THE PROPER LEG!!! I have never seen him do that in his entire career! Flair gets the hold on the leg that Hogan just hurt and the champ is in trouble! After an attempt at a reversal, Hogan shoves the referee and cue NWO for the big beatdown. The Horsemen, Sting and Luger hit the ring for the save.

Rating: C-. This was your traditional Hogan match from this era: punch, punch, punch, scratch, punch, punch, leg drop. The Hulking Up thing was a nice add-on here though and while it’s not their worst match ever, these two never had that big epic awesome match that they were supposed to have. The matches tended to go downhill after a decent first WCW meeting.

Tony and Bobby wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D-. The lack of failure is only for the great opening match. Aside from that this is one of the weakest shows I can remember in a long time. They did nothing for the most part as everything ended in a DQ or was like three minutes long. Yes they had 9 matches, but when only one is good and two are ok and the other six are bad, what’s the benefit there? WCW was running on pure drama and hype at this point and it’s very clear here. Terrible show but at least it was relatively short.

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Clash of the Champions 32
Date: January 23, 1996
Location: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 3,100
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Ok so we’re just into the Nitro Era here by about four months and also about four months away from the NWO debuting. Hogan is feuding with the Giant and Flair is feuding with Savage. Well that sure sounds like a tag team main event to me! Of course that’s what it is, but other than that there isn’t much here. This is a weird time for WCW as nothing is really going on either here or in WWF, which is why the NWO was such a huge deal. Let’s get to it and see how boring it really was.

Last night Savage won the world title on Nitro. Savage then said what he should have said 8 years earlier, calling out Hogan for celebrating with him as it was SAVAGE that won, not Hogan. Luger and Sting also won the tag belts the night before, but Luger used a foreign object. According to Tony Luger won them both the world title but I’d bet on him just being an idiot.

We run down the card and we’re finally ready to go. Wait never mind as we need to talk a bit more first.

We go to the Little White Chapel where Colonel Parker and Sherri are going to get married tonight. Oh I remember this one. This doesn’t end well.

Public Enemy vs. Nasty Boys

This is a bad dream right? This match couldn’t really be happening. When the Nasty Boys are the better team from a technical standpoint, that’s a VERY bad sign. What exactly is a Nasty Sensation? We pipe in some Nasty chants and let’s get to it. Of course it’s a brawl to start us out, and why would you expect anything else? Rocko gets crotched on the railing which should sum up the rest of the match. Sags walks off and comes back with a table.

And remember, Bischoff stole NOTHING from ECW. Not a single thing. It’s in the ring and there is no semblance of anything resembling anything. Rock hits a standing moonsault onto Knobbs and Heenan is losing his mind over this. They set up a table and there’s the DQ. Rocco and Knobbs go through a table. Sags THROWS a table at Grunge and hits him in the head.

Rating: C. We’re going with average because I have no idea if this was good or not. As a match it’s more or less non-existent but as a wild fight it’s great. I really have no idea what to call this one, but at least it’s over. I will give them this: they didn’t try to make this a match, which is the smartest thing they could have done.

Here are Flair and the Giant. Flair says the title loss means nothing and he’ll get Savage back tonight. Giant’s promos from this era are just hilariousness poured into a bottle and then sprayed out on the microphone.

Giant’s promos from this era are just hilariousness poured into a bottle and then sprayed out on the microphone.

Alex Wright vs. Dean Malenko

Malenko had Wright in the Cloverleaf on Saturday night but refused to let it go when Wright got to the ropes which almost hurt Wright. This starts off as a gymnast routine, which makes me think that Malenko’s athleticism is underrated. You can see Bischoff’s stuff coming through here with the light weight guys that are brand new and just trying to make an impact here. They botch a Dragon Screw Leg Whip and it looks PAINFUL.

Wright’s knee looked like Frank Gore’s from the Miami Hurricanes in I believe 01. And then Wright forgets that his knee is hurt but he hits a nice diving Cross Body. Now we get to a problem: Wright does sell the knee, but on a top rope suplex so he more or less falls off the top and drops Malenko. Is there a point to half of Wright’s moves and jumps? Malenko kicks the heck out of his knee and jackknifes him for the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s all for Malenko here as Wright was pretty much worthless. His knee selling was about as come and go as you could ask for while Malenko went for the knee the whole time and then used it for the finish. I can’t ask for more than that. Actually I can and it would be a competent opponent. That’s odd since he usually was pretty good for a decent match.

Taskmaster vs. Disco Inferno

….the heck? Who in the world thought this was a good idea for a match? Here’s a fat Elvis impersonator before Disco comes out. That song is freaking CATCHY. He has a singing telegram for Taskmaster. He’s dancing at the Colonel’s wedding so he’s sorry. Elvis gets beaten up by the Boston Midget. Oh dear.

We go back to the chapel and Bunkhouse Buck and Dick Slater are here.

Sting and Luger are here. Luger keeps avoiding a question about the foreign object. Here are the Road Warriors, in blue spikes of all things. They want a title shot and Sting says yes. Luger says no. This would go on for a LONG time. Luger makes excuses and Hawk wants the shot.

We hear about Orndorff having a neck injury and needing surgery which would end his career. That’s legit actually, but they made it into an angle anyway. Orndorff was working with a psychic or something like that but he talks about the Horsemen who had been mean to him. Those horrible people. He talks about how the Horsemen don’t know about injuries or something. Orndorff meant nothing for about ten years at this point but he was Hogan’s buddy so here we are.

Apparently he didn’t want to be a Horseman which is stupid. He didn’t want to be in a gang, which is why he was in the Heenan Family twice. We see the Horsemen giving him a spike piledriver on the floor. DANG he sounds whiny here. And look: the psychic is here.

More wedding stuff as the groom is just getting here. Parker says he’s lost all of his money and then answers the phone and says it’s his little fried pie. This doesn’t end well.

Brian Pillman vs. Eddie Guerrero

Man that Horsemen music is awesome. Pillman is the Loose Cannon at this point and is awesome. He’s also not hurt here so he’s still great in the ring. Eddie has only been in WCW for about two months here so he’s not really that well known. Pillman is still completely insane here and that’s about to play an important role here. And there it is. Pillman goes to the floor and grabs Bobby Heenan, who clearly says what the heck are you doing to me?

The problem is that he has a VERY bad neck and wasn’t allowed to ever be touched. Pillman didn’t know this and grabbed him, legitimately freaking Bobby the heck out, completely understandably. He apologized on air and Brian did the same backstage. Everything was cool but it was still a very legitimately scary moment for Heenan. The match more or less stops due to Heenan, and then soon after it Pillman rolls him up with the tights for the pin.

Rating: N/A. With the whole thing being thrown out of whack like it was this wouldn’t be fair to give a normal grade to. The match wasn’t bad or anything, but it was clear that this wasn’t what it was supposed to be. That just wasn’t supposed to happen and that’s ok at the end of the day I guess as it happens.

Hogan, Savage and Kevin Greene are here. Hogan talks about how everything is great and this is all about Hogan, despite Savage winning the title the night before. Greene was a football player that tried to wrestle a bit and all things considered, he wasn’t awful. He’s in the Super Bowl on Sunday and he’s here why? The Cowboys won by the way. Liz is the secret weapon tonight but she would turn on Savage at SuperBrawl. They argue over who gets to take Liz out after the match tonight. Oh dear.

Tag Titles: Blue Bloods vs. Sting/Lex Luger

The Blue Bloods are Bobby Eaton and Steven (William) Regal. They’re your standard old school annoying British guys. Think Jake and Jonny B and make them wrestlers. Sting and Regal start. They had a mini-feud in 94-95 which was decent. Sting pretends to be British which is rather funny. Tony thinks Luger has a split personality. Oh dear. Luger hits a terrible backdrop on Eaton on the floor. This whole Earl of Eaton thing was just bad but he’s a great tag wrestler so there we go.

They go to the corner and Regal screams at Luger to UNHAND HIM. I love that line. Eaton hits a top rope knee drop on Luger. Wow I skipped a lot there. Luger is in the Regal Stretch but that doesn’t last long. They kind of botch a powerslam spot but to be fair Luger could be selling which is fine. After Sting comes in, heel miscommunication leads to Eaton tapping to the Scorpion.

Rating: C-. This is as standard of a TV match as you could ask for. It’s nothing great at all but it is perfectly acceptable wrestling. Sting and Luger would be the champions for a few months until the NWO cost them the belts. This would go forever and would end with no real ending.

Sherri arrives at the wedding and is mad at Parker for losing all of his money. She hates all of this as it’s now going to be a drive-thru wedding because he’s broke.

Pillman comes out and threatens to say Carlin’s Seven Words You Can’t Say On Television. Ok then. More or less he’s insane and threatens to do whatever he wants to do. He talks about Orndorff and that’s it.

Mexican Heavyweight Title: Konnan vs. Psicosis

Tenay is here of course. Psicosis is BRAND new here and I don’t know if he’s ever appeared here yet. Konnan comes out to some strange music here as we’re told that he was at Starrcade 1990, which is true as well as a bit odd to me for no apparent reason. We keep hearing about how big of a star Konnan is in Mexico, and apparently that’s true, but it’s not like he’s a major success. Still though, what he did was indeed impressive.

And now we’re down on the mat. Sure why not. We also get a reference to the Billionaire Ted skits that were airing in WWF at the time. Allegedly they were the skits that got Turner to open his pockets, although the jokes that it was all about old guys in WCW proved to be absolutely right. This is a very boring match in case you were wondering why I’m not talking about it that much. Psicosis hits a great suicide dive to the floor and then they’re both up shortly thereafter.

Konnan hits a German and then does a weird looking submission hold where he hooks the legs like a reverse figure four but ties the arms in also. He then doesn’t do anything but pose, which is good enough for a submission. It’s called the Zip Lock apparently. Ok then. Never seen him use that before or since.

Rating: D. Oh this was just bad. There was nothing interesting at all and a total of one high spot. This could have been solid but I just sat there hoping it ended soon. It was just over five minutes so I can’t complain that much. Rey would debut in about six months and get some real high flying stuff going then, but that was a long time away.

Sherri is getting dressed in the back of a limo and Parker is still trying to get money out of Gene. Gene will be walking her down the driveway. Oh dear.

After a break he does just that and mentions the phone call from earlier, but Sherri says she hasn’t talked to him today. Oh this isn’t going to end well. Sherri is in this idiotic looking red dress with a head thing behind her head like a massive collar. Disco Inferno is dancing and I have to give him this: he never half did his gimmick. Not once. In what might be a joke, Parker’s full name is Colonel Robert Andy Parker: C.R.A.P.

As we’re about to get to the vows, here’s Madusa who gets in a BIG fight with Sherri. Apparently Parker has been cheating or something, which led to a horrendous match with Madusa vs. Parker at Uncensored. Big old fight and no one cares. Disco steals the champagne in a funny bit.

Ric Flair/The Giant vs. Randy Savage/Hulk Hogan

Despite the Giant having had like 5 matches up to this point, he’s a legend. Sure why not. Hart is now Gentleman Jimmy Hart for no apparent reason other than Michael Buffer is an idiot. Giant is fresh off dying at Halloween Havoc as I need a stiff drink. Hogan is billed at 273. WOW. They have Kevin Greene and FIVE women with them. Ok then. So the faces have a total of 8 people with them. Sure why not. AND LIZ MAKES NINE.

DUDE. Buffer has to tell us to welcome her. That’s not a good sign. Savage and Flair start us off. Apparently Flair got on Greene during the break. Something not that well known: Flair played college football at Minnesota and had an offer to Michigan. Greene comes in and has a showdown or something but Flair declines. Can we like, wrestle? Hogan beats up Flair on the floor as the faces dominate to start. And here’s the Giant, so I’m thinking a lot just changed. Make that Hogan vs. Giant.

We argue about Hogan vs. Andre since this match isn’t interesting enough obviously. It’s all Giant here and he misses an elbow before I finish typing that line. Hogan slams him and then Flair comes in to get beaten up since he’s Hulk Hogan and he’s Ric Flair. Savage comes in and Liz somehow gets the credit for their success so far. Ok then.

Hart throws something in to Flair and he nails Savage with it for the pin. The Dungeon and the Horsemen come in for the beatdown but it doesn’t work thanks to the POWER OF GREENE!

Rating: C-. It’s a main event tag match between the guys in the double main event at the PPV. What else were you really expecting here? It’s nothing special but I guess it was a preview of the PPV so there we are. Could have been FAR worse so I’ll give it that, which isn’t much but whatever.

Overall Rating: F+. WOW this was boring. It’s two hours of my life that I’ll never get back and that’s rarely something I say. This just has nothing at all going on, which to be fair could be said about the whole company at this time. Just a boring show with nothing going on for it at all. Stay away from this as well as from the PPV that it was previewing. Awful show.

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