Monday Night Raw
Date: October 21, 2002
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Oh look: a Raw from 2002. This is I think the twelfth episode I’ve done from this show, and you would think it would be something fun. Instead, it’s the KATIE VICK EPISODE! Yep, this is the show where HHH climbs in a casket and rapes a mannequin, because this is a wrestling show baby! I think that about covers it. It’s the night after No Mercy and HHH is the champion of all that is Raw as the IC Title has been knocked out for the next eight months or so. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Katie Vick story. HHH claims Kane is a murderer, but Kane says it was an accident. This is the night after HHH beat Kane to unify the IC and World Titles but the feud must continue for some reason.

Here’s HHH along with Flair to open the show. HHH talks about how he’s proven the writers wrong when they said he didn’t deserve to be handed the title. He ended the IC Title last night and there’s no one that can do anything about it. HHH calls himself unstoppable and says that he might be the greatest world champion ever. Flair has a video that explains the Katie Vick ordeal. Oh boy. Kane isn’t here yet, but apparently tonight it’s Kane/RVD vs. HHH/Flair. This brings out Hurricane, Kane’s other partner, to beat up HHH and take the tape, but HHH beats Hurricane down and takes it back.

Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Nowitski

Chris takes him down to start and Jeff is getting frustrated, which would be a recurring theme for him for the next few weeks. Jeff sends him to the floor and hits a big flipping dive to take over. Nowitski gets in a shot back inside and gets a few two counts. Hardy comes back with a Thesz Press and actually uses it as a pinning combination. Nowitski chokes away in the corner and gets two off a rolling side cradle.

A gutbuster gets another two on Hardy and this match isn’t going anywhere. Jeff fires away but walks into a hot shot for two. A spinning double underhook slam gets two for Chris and here comes Jeff’s real comeback. He fires away with right hands and a jawbreaker but Chris moves before the Swanton launches. Chris brings in a chair but Al Snow comes in to break it up. The chair winds up hitting Chris in the head but Snow pulls Nowitski away from the Swanton. It hits the chair and Chris steals the pin.

Rating: D. This just kept going. Nowitski was a great base for a character but he never got off the ground. The guy just wasn’t that good. He wasn’t especially bad but he just wasn’t that good. This match didn’t work well for the most part and Hardy would start turning heel soon after this, which didn’t work at all.

Eric Bischoff, the GM, is watching Big Show intimidate him recently. Stacy comes in to ask to referee a match tonight. Eric says yeah whatever but not the main event. Stacy leaves and here’s Show. Eric gives Show Jamal, Rico and Rosey tonight.

Snow talks to Dreamer about costing Dreamer a match recently. They have a Singapore cane match tonight. Dreamer leaves and Nowitski comes up. Nowitski doesn’t want/need Al’s help. Ok then.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

The winners get a title shot against whoever the champions are now. Apparently it’s Christian/Jericho. Storm runs down American before the match. Spike vs. Storm to start things off with the smaller dude taking over quickly. The fans want tables but other than that things are mostly silent. We’ve lost commentary for some reason and by the time that sentence is finished JR is back.

Off to Bubba who takes Lance down with a neckbreaker but Regal hits Bubba in the back of his recently concussed head to give Storm the advantage. Regal comes in as Kane arrives in the back. Everything breaks down and Spike ranas Storm off the top. Bubba catches the superkick from Storm and hits the Bubba Bomb. Spoke hits the Dudley Dog on Regal for the win and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was one of those matches that was too short to go anywhere of note. Regal and Storm as the Unamericans were a solid team but the gimmick was only going to go so far, especially with Test weighing them down as their third man. Nothing to see here and thankfully D-Von would reunite with Bubba the next month.

Storm kicks Bubba in the head post match and Spike gets hit in the ribs over and over by Regal’s brass knuckles.

Trish is having her picture taken and has to talk to the photographer about her match with Victoria from last night. Jericho and Christian pop up and call Trish a w****. Apparently Jericho thinks Trish wants him. Geez is this some extreme foreshadowing? I really doubt it.

Here’s Eric with something to say. He praises last night’s HIAC match with Brock vs. Taker (it really was good) but he’s going to top it. How is he going to do that? Something called the Elimination Chamber. No word on what that is yet.

Test vs. D’Lo Brown

Stacy is referee so she can wear a revealing outfit. Test looks like an idiot with long hair and short tights. Stacy slaps Brown and rings the bell. Test launches him over with a big backdrop and pounds away in the corner. Brown gets his feet up to block a charge followed by a flying forearm. Brown drops a leg but Stacy interferes again. The Sky High hits but Stacy is tying her shoe instead of counting. The big boot from Test and a fast count give the Canadian the win. Stacy jumps in Test’s arms post match.

Victoria says that she isn’t lying about Trish sleeping her way to the top. Victoria is still insane here. Goldust pops up behind her to make fun of her in a Dustyesque voice. Booker shows up as well to do the same, minus the American Dream part.

Trish Stratus/Booker T/Goldust vs. Victoria/Chris Jericho/Christian

Trish has her full entrance and look down now. Jericho and Christian are tag champions which I think I mentioned earlier. The girls brawl to start and Trish fires off her kicks in the corner. Victoria drop toeholds her onto the bottom rope and it’s off to Christian vs. Trish as the genders don’t have to match here. Booker comes in to make this a bit more fair for Christian. A forearm puts Christian down and a side kick gets two. Victoria and her awesome rack distracts Booker and the Canadians take over.

Off to Jericho who pounds away but gets caught in the spinning sunset flip out of the corner. The fans are way into Booker which is a good sign. It means HHH has someone to beat at Wrestlemania for no other reason than HHH wants to win at Wrestlemania. Back to Christian who takes Booker down so Jericho can hit a top rope knee drop.

A spinebuster takes Jericho down and it’s off to Goldust. He cleans the lower level of the house, hitting a middle rope bulldog for two on Jericho. Trish comes in with a cross body to Jericho and Goldust kisses Victoria. Booker and Christian take each other out and Jericho takes Trish down and finishes her with the Walls of Jericho.

Rating: D+. This started off as ok but boring and evolved into a messy comedy (I think?) match. There was nothing of note going on here which is the problem with Raw at this point: it isn’t terrible but there’s no interest in it at all. The tag titles meant nothing at all at this point and wouldn’t for a very long time. Thankfully we had the Smackdow tag titles established last night and they tore the house down for a long time.

Booker saves Jericho post match.

Terri is at Kane’s door and we cut to HHH who says roll the footage. I’m sure you’ve at least heard of this before. It’s of a funeral home with a date of 1992. Kane (clearly HHH in a Kane mask and t-shirt that wouldn’t be released for another 9 years) comes up to the casket and talks to the dead “body” of Katie Vick. It’s a mannequin if that’s not coming through. Kane (it’s HHH the entire segment so don’t get confused. I know this segment can make you stupid but hang with me here) says that if Katie had let him touch her in the car, this wouldn’t have happened.

The idea is that Kane was driving and crashed, killing Katie. Katie “talks” to Kane, saying that apparently now that she’s dead she wants Kane. Kane talks about getting excited watching Katie cheerlead and he fondles her chest which is mosaiced. This is supposed to be something like a hidden video of a sex tape. Kane takes his shirt off and starts undressing the mannequin. He takes off her underwear and says he loves the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Kane takes his jeans off and gets in the casket. Sounds are heard and we cut to shots of candles and flowers.

Usually I would give a long winded explanation of how awful this is for wrestling and how terrible it is, but I think the segment speaks for itself: it’s simulated necrophilia. I think that sums it up. When you look at the unemployment figures in this country, remember that someone came up with this idea and was paid to do so.

Al Snow vs. Tommy Dreamer

Singapore Cane match. We start with a cane duel and Snow gets in the first connecting shots to the legs. Out to the floor and Dreamer fires away more cane shots but Snow headbutts him down. Back in and Dreamer kicks Al low, followed by a missed cane shot from an interfering Nowitski to give Dreamer the pin. Nothing to see here.

Big Show vs. Rosey/Jamal/Rico

The big guys jump Show to start but he shoves all of them away with ease. The heavies are clotheslined to the floor and Show goes after Rico’s sideburns of doom. JR makes gay references about Rico and Show destroys more people. There’s a chokeslam to Jamal (Umaga) for the pin. Total squash for Show.

Post break Eric announces that Big Show has been traded to Smackdown. He would get the world title the next month over there. After Show leaves, Hurricane arrives (did he leave?) and stands in front of his own car. Ok then.

We get some clips of Shawn getting destroyed after his match with HHH at Summerslam. Shawn is in a wheelchair at The World (WWF New York) and says his rehab is going slowly. The final match he had with HHH can stand on its own merit as not only a great match but a tribute to God. HHH did indeed put him in a wheelchair like he said he would but Shawn vows vengeance and stands up. He’s coming for HHH again.

HHH/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

The good guys pound away on their respective feud partners (Van Dam beat Flair last night) in the corner and both heels get kicked in the face. Van Dam and Flair start and it’s the cartwheel moonsault to Naitch. A middle rope kick to the face puts him down again as HHH knocks Kane off the apron and it’s the barricade. Van Dan kicks the Game down but Flair breaks up the Five Star.

Van Dam gets sent into the post and seems to have hut his ankle. That gets two back inside as we’re finally into a normal tag team match. JR and King debate necrophilia, which isn’t something I expected I’d have to write. Off to Flair as JR is sounding ticked off. Flair and Van Dam slug it out but it’s off to HHH with the knee to the face. King tries to convince JR that necrophilia is funny but Captain Oklahoma isn’t convinced. HHH puts on the sleeper and Van Dam is in trouble.

The hold is broken and it’s off to Flair. Van Dam superkicks him down and Flair goes up and with JR verbally rolling his eyes, Flair gets slammed down. HHH comes in and beats on Van Dam, but Rob escapes and tags Kane. Never mind as the tag isn’t seen so it’s time to go back to the not interesting match.

Back in and Van Dam takes Flair down and makes the real tag. Kane cleans house as the announcers debate if necrophiliac and Hulkamaniac rhyme. This is what Raw has sunk to people. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched as Kane and HHH fight on the floor. They head up the ramp with HHH being rammed into the set. Van Dam kicks Flair in the face, hits Rolling Thunder and adds the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not only was the match not that good, but it was based on necrophilia. I can’t emphasize that enough: this feud is continuing because HHH dressed up like Kane and pretended to have sex with a mannequin representing a corpse. JR sounded legitimately angry in this match and can you blame him at all?

In the back Kane destroys HHH in the back and throws him into various metal objects. Hurricane is standing next to his car with the trunk open. HHH tries a Pedigree but gets catapulted onto the hood of the car. There’s a chokeslam onto the hood and Kane throws HHH into the trunk and slams it shut. Kane sends Hurricane away and says to the trunk, and I quote, “Now I’m going to screw you. The only question is will you still be alive, or will I just wait until you’re dead.” Kane drives away with HHH in the trunk to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Ignoring the white elephant on this show, it wasn’t a good episode. There weren’t any good matches and a lot of the stuff felt like it was there to fill in two hours. The Elimination Chamber was mentioned but after the announcement it was barely mentioned again. This show was based around one of the stupidest stories of all time and it’s even worse than it seemed at the time. It’s in poor taste, it’s not funny, and it makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Terrible show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 11, 2002
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another Twitter request which I’d love to get more of. Anyway the main event tonight is a pretty big match with the NWO vs. Rock/Austin in a handicap match. Other than that…..oh this is the go home show for Wrestlemania. That probably has something to do with the request, but it’s hard to say what to expect as far as quality. Either they’ll be on fire or they’ll be going at half speed because of fear of messing up Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Rob Van Dam/Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys/William Regal

We’re combining PPV match here, although the tag teams are in a four way with two other teams. Regal is IC Champion and cost Van Dam the Hardcore Title on Thursday. It’s a big brawl to start with Regal vs. Van Dam in the ring. Van Dam gets two almost immediately off Rolling Thunder. The arena is full of smoke so Van Dam and the Hardys have an automatic advantage. D-Von tries to set up a table for no apparent reason but Rob baseball slides it into his face.

Jeff comes in but Regal kicks him in the head to take over. What’s Up keeps Jeff down but he hits a Whisper in the Wind to take D-Von down. Hot tag brings in Matt vs. Regal with Matt cleaning house. Everything breaks down and it’s a 3D to Jeff, a Twist of Fate to D-Von, a Bubba Bomb to Matt, a top rope kick to Bubba, a spin kick to Regal, and a Five Star to Regal for the pin. The last three were all by the same guy.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here at all and I’m always a fan of putting two feuds together into one match. This doesn’t do much for the tag teams but it makes Van Dam look like a bigger threat to Regal and the title which is the point of this match. Not a great match but the ending was good.

Vince and Flair are at an emergency board meeting in Connecticut. Vince says the company is in a state of emergency due to Flair. He talks about how the company is falling apart because they have no direction. Actually this speech would be better served later in the year but you get the point. Tonight, Vince would like a unanimous vote for full owenership and control of the company.

Here’s Angle with something to say. He talks about how he got ripped off in his title match with Jericho due to Kane’s interference. Angle calls himself the Big Red White and Blue Machine which makes me chuckle. They have a match at Wrestlemania now and Angle is going to make that whole burning alive thing look like a paper cut. However, Kane isn’t the only one to blame for Angle not getting the title shot. It’s also the fans’ fault for the You Suck chants.

This brings out Booker in defense of the fans which is a surprise. The fans aren’t stupid. They’re beyond stupid. The fans have cost him his Japanese shampoo commercial and he doesn’t even have for Wrestlemania. This brings out Edge who says Booker is stupid (complete with clips of Booker being stupid on the Weakest Link, a trivia show that had a WWF week) and that he’ll be his Huckleberry for Wrestlemania. Booker says ok.

Angle says “You dang skippy, crystal clean with no caffeine.” Booker glares at him and Edge says Angle is just the Big White Machine. Angle tries a Spinarooni and we’ve got a tag match set up for later with Edge having a mystery partner. Edge asks for Angle’s music to be played so we can all practice our You Sucks.

Stephanie is in the back with HHH’s dog Lucy. She rips into the dog which is apparently a spoil of war in the divorce. HHH comes in and takes the dog but Stephanie won’t let him leave with the dog. A judge says the dog belongs to her because Stephanie told the judge how HHH mistreated Lucy. At least until the divorce is over. Did I mention we’re six days away from HHH being in the main event of WRESTLE FREAKING MANIA and they’re arguing over a dog? HHH throws the dog onto Stephanie and says she does stink, doesn’t she Lucy. Stephanie says she’ll introduce Lucy to someone that hates dogs worse than she does.

Rikishi vs. Test

Rikishi pounds him down and into the corner to start but Test punches him right back. Rikishi superkicks him down and hits an Earthquake before setting up the Stink Face, only to have Mr. Perfect, the cause for this match somehow, come out and distract Rikishi. Test hits a big boot for the pin. This was nothing.

Jericho comes in to see Stephanie and Lucy and throws Lucy off the couch. Stephanie CAN’T FREAKING ACT. The dog relieves itself on the carpet. Six days until Wrestlemania. I want you to keep that in mind.

And the joke KEEPS GOING as Jericho takes the dog for a walk. Jericho ties her to the door of a limo and leaves her outside.

DDP is at catering when Christian comes up. He’s DDP’s protege but it’s not quite working. DDP gives him a smiling lesson so Billy and Chuck come up and make thinly veiled gay jokes. Christian vs. Billy is made for later.

Back to the board meeting, which is totally cool to have cameras in of course. Vince shows a clip from Smackdown with Flair beating up Undertaker. Flair was arrested but he’s at the meeting anyway. I can’t remember his name but the cop is from OVW.

Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Al Snow

Goldie is defending. There are weapons in the ring to start so they fight on the floor to get things going. The champ loads up Shattered Dreams but Snow gets out of the way. There’s a fire extinguisher shot and the Snowplow gives Snow the title in like a minute.

Jericho tries to find air freshener for Stephanie and is going to an all night store to get some. It’s like 9:45 and they need an all night store? The limo backs up and apparently it hit Lucy.

Back with MORE DOG STUFF! HHH finds out what happened and Lucy is still alive. Help is requested. I’m terrified to think of what the payoff of this is going to be tonight.

Booker T/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/???

The mystery partner is….Big Show. I know Kane isn’t here tonight, but WHY isn’t Kane here tonight? I don’t think we’ve ever been given a reason for that. Booker and Show start with Booker hammering away to no avail. Angle comes in and gets thrown around as well and chopped in the corner. Apparently Kane has a concussion. See, that wasn’t so hard. A quick ankle lock is countered by pure power. Both heels are sent to the floor and Edge plays the Jimmy Snuka to Show’s Andre and dives onto both of them on the floor.

Back in and Angle charges into a Canadian boot but Angle Germans Edge down to take over. Booker comes in but gets kicked down as well and it’s off to Big Show. Off to Show vs. Angle and another kick to the face takes Angle down. A double chokeslam is countered so Show suplexes both of them instead. Everything breaks down and Booker kicks Show in the face as he’s trying the chokeslam on Kurt. Edge spears Booker down but it’s an Angle Slam and ankle lock for the tap out from Big Show.

Rating: C. Well it’s not like Big Show had anything to do on Sunday anyway so him doing the job is the only possible answer. Not a great match or anything but again it does some work for two matches which is a great idea coming into Sunday. Edge vs. Angle would get started later this year and it would launch Edge WAY up the ladder.

Stephanie freaks out about Lucy but Jericho has a plan.

Torrie, Jackie and Terri are in swimsuits at WWF New York to promote a Divas special. THANK GOODNESS Jackie is blocked out by a guy’s head.

Billy vs. Christian

DDP jumps in on commentary. Billy pounds Christian down in the corner to start and hits a Jackhammer for no cover. Fameasser is avoided and Christian has a tantrum on the floor. Page goes over to calm him down but it lets Chuck clothesline Christian down. Billy hits the Fameasser on Christian but Page Diamond Cuts Billy to give Christian the cheap win.

Christian turns on Page post match and we’ve got a European Title (Page is champion) match on Sunday.

Back to the board meeting and Vince gives a big corporate speech about how Flair is an embarrassment to the company. This is MR. MCMAHON giving this speech. Keep in mind, Flair is fighting Undertaker on Sunday, not Vince. The Board is going to go talk and then vote on either Flair or Vince.

Lita/Trish Stratus vs. Jazz/Stacy Keibler

I always loved how Lita looked in those tied off Wrestlemania baseball jerseys. Trish is just starting to get good and she has her signature look down now. Trish gets jumped and double teamed to start but let’s talk about Lucy! She has a broken leg apparently but HHH is on his way back. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz (the Women’s Champion) hitting a double chickenwing on Lita.

Off to Stacy for a corner leg choke but Lita realizes that she’s fighting Stacy freaking Keibler and slams her down. Off to Trish as everything breaks down. Jazz takes a double flapjack but Trish accidentally kicks Lita, giving Jazz a quick rollup win. Trish, Jazz and Lita would have a triple threat on Sunday for the title and for the life of me I have no idea why Trish didn’t win the title there but rather a month or so later.

HHH is back and he’s in ANGRY mode. He’s looking for Stephanie but Steph is coming to the ring. She swears it was an accident and here’s HHH. Stephanie runs but HHH drags her back to the ring. The only good thing about this: Stephanie tries to crawl away but HHH grabs her by the pants, giving us a great uncensored view.

HHH loads up a Pedigree but Jericho runs in and hits him in the repaired thigh with a sledgehammer twice. HHH thinks it’s torn again. The Game is taken to the back and Jericho takes the leg out again. See here’s the thing: why did we need the Lucy stuff? Take that away and do this angle and it’s THE SAME EXACT THING.

JR and Jerry debate if this was a setup or not. IS EVERYONE TIHS FREAKING STUPID???

Back to the board meeting because we haven’t been dumbed down enough tonight. Flair says he’s going to have his match on Sunday no matter what, so Vince gets a full vote of confidence, giving him full power back…..until Wrestlemania, after which the board can review the decision. Flair thanks the board for meeting tonight (despite the video saying this was earlier today) and talks about his match on Sunday. You have to remember that Flair and Vince hadn’t had any issues since February and it’s been Flair vs. Taker for the last month or so, making this even more ridiculous.

Hogan is fired up for tonight and for Wrestlemania and getting to face Rock. The NWO promises history tonight.

New World Order vs. Steve Austin/The Rock

This is the first time the NWO has ever competed together in the WWF. Rock and Hall start things off but a Hogan distraction lets Hall take over. This is a handicap match if that didn’t come through. Rock comes back and Hogan bails from the apron in fear. A clothesline gets two for Hall and it’s off to Nash. Rock pounds away but a sidewalk slam gets two for Nash. Snake Eyes puts Rock down and it’s off to Hogan.

Hogan pounds on Rock a bit and suplexes him down before Hall and Nash work Rock over a bit. There’s the hot tag to Austin who cleans house. Nash somehow botches a Thesz Press from Austin so Austin hits a spinebuster on Hall instead. Nash can’t even hit Austin in the head right so Austin clotheslines the Outsiders down. A big boot, the only move even Nash can’t screw up, takes Austin down and it’s back to Hall.

The fallaway slam gets two for Scott and it’s back to Nash. Kevin pounds on Austin in the corner and it’s back to Hall. A clothesline puts Austin down for two and now for the only time that I can EVER remember, it’s Hogan vs. Austin. Hogan pounds away with some punches and a chokeslam before tagging out to Hall. It only lasts 25 seconds, but that actually felt special. Hall chokeslams Austin down but the Razor’s Edge is broken up by a backdrop.

Austin’s comeback is stopped AGAIN by a clothesline but he takes Hall right back down. Hot tag brings in Rock vs. Nash and Rock cleans house….for about 20 seconds before Nash takes him down again. This feels like WCW all over again. Off to Hogan to clean up the Rock scraps, but Rock nips up to terrify Hulk. Nash of course stops the momentum and everything breaks down. In a REALLY anti-climactic ending, Hogan punches Rock, hits the boot and legdrop and gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Huge historical moment aside, this was a really odd match. It was basically a squash with the NWO never really breaking a sweat against two of the biggest stars of all time. Nash looked like he had never been in a ring before and the whole thing looked awful. Then again, this had Steve Austin vs. Hulk Hogan in a legal match so it gets an automatic pass.

The NWO cleans house to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was AWFUL. Between the two WAY too long stories that went nowhere, the matches sucked and it felt like they threw Wrestlemania together six days before the show. Austin vs. Hall, pretty much the third biggest match on the show, wasn’t mentioned until the last fifteen seconds. On top of that, Jericho is a total afterthought to both Stephanie and A FREAKING DOG. He’s the Undisputed WWF Champion heading into the main event of Wrestlemania and he’s playing third fiddle to a wife and a dog. Absolutely horrible show and one of the worst go home shows I have ever seen.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/25/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-18-should-have-been-hogan-vs-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #90
Date: June 2, 1997
Location: Hara Arena, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s hard to believe we’re almost halfway through 1997. I’m digging this idea of doing four shows at once as you get through the storylines a lot faster which is good when the stories are really dull, as they have been lately. Sting and Hogan is clearly being set up as a huge match somewhere in the future, which is the start of probably the biggest angle in the history of the company. Hopefully we get more of that tonight. Let’s get to it.

Hall and Syxx are in the ring to open the show. Hall says that the fans have been asking for more of the NWO because they’re the reason everyone is watching. They say they won at Slamboree and that Flair is recuperating in the La Brea tar pits. Hall calls out Flair for a fight but we get JJ Dillon instead. JJ says Flair is on his way here and tonight it’s Flair vs. Hall. Hall says no but if he doesn’t do it, then the Outsiders are stripped of the belts.

Opening sequence.

Alex Wright vs. Glacier

Wright wisely jumps Glacier during his elaborate entrance and takes over early. A spinwheel kick takes Glacier down and Wright pounds away in the corner. He stops to dance though and Glacier gets in some kicks, including the Cryonic Kick for the fast pin.

Post match here’s James Vanderberg for a distraction along with Mortis and Wrath who are spotted before they come in. The beatdown begins but Wright wants to get some revenge. That bell ringing over and over again is really annoying. Mortis aims a kick at Glacier but kicks Wright instead. Glacier fights both monsters off.

Buff Bagwell vs. Joe Gomez

Bagwell pounds him down and grabs the rope to avoid a Gomez dropkick. Bagwell talks to the camera for awhile before walking into a bad dropkick by Gomez. Joe throws some bad punches in the corner but gets dropped into the buckle and thrown out to the floor. Scott Norton, Buff’s partner, gets in some shots and sends Gomez back in for the Blockbuster and the pin by Buff.

Rating: D. Gomez was never in another match on Nitro and that’s a good thing. The guy just wasn’t that good and it’s pretty clear to see why he never amounted to anything. Bagwell wasn’t much better, although the Blockbuster has always been a favorite move of mine. Just a squash here but it was pretty bad looking while it lasted.

Mike Tenay gives us a quick profile on Ernest Miller.

We get a clip of Roddy Piper’s latest movie.

Hugh Morrus vs. Prince Iaukea

Konnan jumps Morrus on his way to the ring. Morrus pounds him down but he’s a bit shaken. They mess up a spot where Iaukea is supposed to slide between Morrus’ legs so Morrus swings his leg out wide, but Iaukea runs around instead and runs into Morrus’ leg. Thankfully Iaukea rolls him up a second later for the pin. This seems to be an injury angle for Morrus.

Here’s JJ to talk about the main event but more importantly that we need #1 contenders to the tag titles after the PPV. He thinks it’s the Steiners, who are barely on Nitro anymore. This draws out Sherri and Harlem Heat who disagree with this ruling. JJ says if the Steiners win tonight, they get the next shot after Flair and Piper. Sherri says that’ll get a reaction.

We recap Page vs. Savage with the focus on Page. He talks about losing his first 79 matches and working his way up to become what he is now. He kept getting better and developed the Diamond Cutter, which he used to beat Savage in their first match. I want to see these guys fight again which is a good sign.

Masahiro Chono/Great Muta vs. Steiner Brothers

Five or six years earlier, this is a candidate for match of the year before the bell even rings. Scott and Muta start with Muta firing off a very quick kick to send Scott ducking back into the corner. Scott armdrags him down and it’s a stalemate. A suplex sends Muta flying so Muta goes to the strikes. Muta takes him down and we’re told that Flair has arrived. Scott butterfly powerbombs and gorilla press slams Muta down, sending him out to the floor.

Rick comes in and Muta bails right back to the floor to hide. Rick stomps on an NWO shirt and it’s off to Chono. The two of them have a test of strength but Rick suplexes him down instead of seeing who wins. A Steiner Line sends Chono to the outside and Muta wants nothing to do with Rick either. Back in and Chono gets powerslammed down as Scott takes out Muta. All Steiners so far.

Chono gets back in against Scott and the Japanese guys finally get in some shots to the back to take over. Scott gets the tag to Rick and the NWO guys are taken down almost immediately. The Steiners were in trouble for about 30 seconds. Chono hits the Mafia Kick on Scott and there’s a handspring elbow to Muta. Chono accidentally Mafia Kicks Muta and the Steiners load up the double bulldog on Muta. Harlem Heat runs in and knocks out Rick with a chair, giving Muta the easy pin.

Rating: C-. This was fast paced, but it came off almost like a squash. That doesn’t exactly make the NWO guys seem to be any kind of a threat as the Steiners were in trouble for about a minute out of a nearly ten minute match. The ending was obvious given what Sherri said earlier, but it makes sense all things considered.

Post match Harlem Heat says they’re the #1 contenders now but JJ says the match is under review. What is there to review exactly? Harlem Heat interfered and the Steiners lost because of it. It’s not that complicated, but this is WCW where you need a meeting to determine what color the sky is.

It’s hour #2 and after the recap, here’s Ric Flair for a chat. Flair rants as you would expect him to and a lot of it is censored.

US Title: Dean Malenko vs. Mr. Wallstreet

Feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get any real control. A rollup by Dean is blocked and Nick Patrick yells at Wallstreet for holding the ropes. Patrick yells about using the hair and the match slows down again. Wallstreet sends Dean to the floor as things continue to not get started. Back in and Dean grabs a hammerlock which is quickly broken. Off to a chinlock by the challenger (Wallstreet) followed by an abdominal stretch. Sweet goodness Wallstreet is dull.

Dean’s leg lariat gets two as does a suplex. The Cloverleaf is broken up by a rake to the eyes but Wallstreet misses a charge and goes flying over the top and out to the floor. Jeff Jarrett comes in out of nowhere and trips Malenko for two. Wallstreet doesn’t pay attention and gets caught in the Cloverleaf to retain the title for Dean. Patrick was between Wallstreet and the ropes so we have another wrinkle in the Patrick might be crooked story.

Rating: D. I love Malenko but my goodness Wallstreet is dull. I mean the guy does NOTHING but jobber level offense. The other problem is that since he’s taken on his current gimmick, the Wallstreet name doesn’t mean anything. This was about Jarrett though which makes the match a little more forgivable.

Jarrett wants a rematch with Malenko and says he’ll get it next week on Nitro. Dean accepts and here’s Mongo. Mongo wants to know why Jarrett came out here without him and won’t let Debra leave with Jeff. Mongo rants about Kevin Greene and the people boo Mongo out of the building. Why didn’t WCW get that no one was interested in this football stuff?

Damien/Ciclope vs. Harlem Heat

Stevie and Ciclope start things off with the big man stomping Ciclope down into the corner. A slam puts Ciclope down and it’s off to Booker for a hook kick. Damien comes in and some Hardy Boys style double teaming sends Booker to the floor. Booker knees Damien down and it’s back to Ray as the Heat weren’t in trouble long. Booker sends Damien to the floor and stomps away on him against the barricade as this breaks down. Here are the Steiners with a chair to lay out Booker, allowing Damien to hit a top rope splash for the upset pin.

Rating: D+. This match was the same thing we’ve had all night: a dull match that was waiting for the angle advancement that ended it. Damien and Ciclope wouldn’t go anywhere of course but it’s nice to see some newcomers get a win, even if it’s tainted like this. Obviously this set up Steiners vs. Heat and there’s nothing wrong with that. The match was dull though.

Lee Marshall does his thing.

Barbarian vs. Chris Benoit

Apparently Benoit has to run the Dungeon gauntlet to get another match with Sullivan. Benoit takes it straight to the corner and stomps Barbarian down, which is something you almost never see. Barbarian breaks the German attempt so Benoit settles for a release northern lights suplex. Jimmy Hart distracts Benoit and Barbie gets in a shot to take over. There’s a piledriver for two on Benoit and Barbarian is frustrated already. Barbarian be clubberin in the corner followed by his always cool release belly to belly superplex. Barbarian loads up something off the top but gets shoved down. Swan Dive and Crossface end this.

Rating: C. It wasn’t as good as their match from a few months ago, but this is a pairing that still works. Barbarian is an interesting case as he has a pretty standard gimmick but the guy was continuously employed in a major company for the better part of fifteen years. For a guy like Barbarian, that’s very impressive.

Benoit says he wants Sullivan now but Hart says Benoit has to beat Meng in a death match at the Bash.

Scott Hall vs. Ric Flair

Flair goes insane to start and takes Hall down with chops and shots to the knee. Syxx tries to interfere but Flair takes both guys out with ease. Hall slugs Flair but Flair chops him into the corner with ease. Flair is sent into the corner for the Flair Flip but Flair dives off the apron onto Syxx in a kind of Thess Press. Hall gets in a shot to the back and takes over by stomping away in the corner.

Syxx comes in for a Bronco Buster which somehow the referee doesn’t notice. The fallaway slam hits for two and the fans want Sting. There’s an abdominal stretch and Syxx does the required arm pull for extra leverage. Hall pounds Flair down and puts on the sleeper, only to be countered into a knee crusher. Hall clotheslines Flair down to break up the Figure Four attempt and they’re both down. Flair chops away and it’s time to strut. Syxx gets knocked off the apron and then crotched. There’s a low blow to Hall and Flair is rolling. Flair loads up the Figure Four but has to fight off Syxx AGAIN. A belt shot to Flair finally gets the DQ.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, Flair is one of the guys you know is going to have at least a decent match. It’s a rare thing to see one of the higher ups in the NWO have a big time match and putting him with Flair meant this was going to be good. Also it plays into the tag title match at the PPV, making this one of the few matches tonight that actually meant something and the only one that was good on top of that.

Post match Flair gets double teamed and I guess the Horsemen are off hunting elk or something. Mongo and Jarrett FINALLY come out for the save. Mongo takes either a tag belt or the Cruiserweight belt with him as they leave for some reason.

Here’s Savage for the final segment of the show. He brings Gene out with him by force and looks extra angry/crazy here. Gene talks about DDP and how Savage is underrating him, so Savage snaps. Gene says someone has to bring Savage back to earth and Savage gets in his face, drawing out JJ. JJ threatens Savage with some undefined punishment before saying he’s lost respect for Savage.

Dillon says he expects better from Savage than from the rest of the NWO. JJ talks about how in the old days, Savage would have stood up to Page like a man. Now Savage is hiding in the crowd and isn’t being a man. Savage decks JJ and security plus Bischoff come out to pull Savage off. Bischoff talks Savage down in the corner but the fans chant DDP, which sends Savage over the edge again. Bischoff says JJ brought this on himself to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t that interesting overall. Savage vs. Page has me wanting to watch their match all over again even though I just saw it a few months ago. Flair’s stuff was good too, but other than that there’s nothing of interest here. The other matches were all setting up later stuff and most of them were either bad or too short to be anything. Great American Bash is coming off like a much better show than Slamboree so these Nitros have been a lot easier to get through, but other than the top stuff, most of the matches aren’t doing much for me yet.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #88
Date: May 19, 1997
Location: Ashville Civic Center, Ashville, North Carolina
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

We’re FINALLY past Slamboree and we have four weeks before the Great American Bash where the world title still won’t be on the line. At least that show will have a big time grudge match in the main event but we’ll get to that later on. Anyway tonight is likely going to establish the PPV main event and deal with the fallout from last night. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending of the show last night with the old guys winning and Tony declaring it the BIGGEST MOMENT EVER in WCW.

Here’s Flair to open the show. Flair says that last night he erased everything the NWO has done with the help of Piper and Greene. This draws out Syxx who says that the wrong guy got pinned last night and that he doesn’t like the idea of Flair saying he can beat Syxx. Syxx says he can beat Flair and challenges Flair to a match tonight. Flair says he doesn’t know if he can beat Hall and Nash but he knows he can beat Syxx so it’s on.

TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Steven Regal

Regal pounds the punk kid down to start and hammers him in the corner. A sunset flip gets two for Iaukea and the fans are on fire tonight. Iaukea crucifixes him down for another two but Regal counters a headscissors by slamming him down face first onto the mat. Regal kicks him in the head and suplexes him before the Regal Stretch ends this. Seeing Prince Iaukea get beaten up makes me smile.

We get some clips from last night with Mortis and Wrath beating up Glacier until Ernest Miller debuted made the save.

Masahiro Chono vs. Dave Taylor

Chono is NWO. Tenay talks about a major name debuting on June 30 on Nitro. I won’t say who but if what I can find is correct, two major names would debut that night. Taylor controls early with some European uppercuts but walks into an atomic drop. Chono knocks him to the floor but back in the ring a piledriver is broken up by Taylor. Not that it matters as Taylor charges into a boot and the STF ends this quick. The STF is Chono’s signature hold if you’re not familiar with him.

Sonny Onoo says Chono has a debt to pay with New Japan and Onoo has someone coming in next week but won’t say who.

JJ Dillon reinstates Nick Patrick.

Scotty Riggs vs. Michael Wallstreet

Wallstreet isn’t allowed to be in the NWO but he’s anti-WCW. Riggs speeds things up to start and hits his decent dropkick, only to have Wallstreet take him down soon thereafter. Wallstreet hooks a chinlock as the fans look at something in the crowd. A small package gets two for Riggs and Wallstreet tries to pull something out of his pocket. Nick Patrick stops him and Riggs gets a sunset flip for the pin. Another short match, but did we REALLY need to see Scotty Riggs vs. Michael Wallstreet when we had an hour for the show? I get that it’s for Nick Patrick, but do we need to focus on him either? Really?

Speaking of wasting time, here’s NASCAR driver Mark Martin to talk about a sweepstakes to win a racecar. The car being brought in is probably what the fans were looking at in the Riggs match. Flair comes out with Martin to try to make this look like it’s important.

Time for the road report to waste some more time. This includes Lee Marshall singing some Elvis.

We get a video from last night with Page holding off Savage and the NWO with a crutch.The Giant eventually made the save when Page got in trouble.

Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael vs. Steiner Brothers

Jarrett and Scott start things off with Jeff being sent into the corner quickly. Jeff comes back with a neckbreaker to take over but a suplex is no sold. Scott gorilla presses Jeff down and hits a kind of Angle Slam off the top for two. Off to Rick vs. Mongo and it’s a slugfest of course. Mongo takes out Rick’s knee but gets caught by a suplex and what was supposed to be the middle rope bulldog but wound up being like a cravate-dog if that makes sense. Everything breaks down and Kevin Greene runs in with a briefcase shot to Mongo’s back, giving Rick the easy pin.

Rating: C-. Apparently they thought last night’s match with White vs. Mongo was so great that we MUST do another battle of the football players. I mean, having Mongo as a ring general is a can’t miss idea right? The match was barely long enough to rate but it’s the longest match of the night so far. The problem with these tag matches is there’s nothing to fight for because the Outsiders weren’t going to defend the titles, so why bother having the other teams fight?

We get a video from during the break where Mongo and Greene got in a fight backstage.

Ric Flair vs. Syxx

Syxx jumps Flair as he comes in but a charge into the corner misses. Flair fires away with punches and chops and here are the Outsiders for the DQ. The match wasn’t even a minute long.

Flair gets destroyed because the Horsemen were escorted from the building due to the Mongo vs. Greene fight. Nash says it’s about putting the old guys out of business. Syxx has flowers for some reason.

Here’s Bischoff for the closing segment. He says that last week he wanted to talk to Sting but he was nowhere to be found. The NWO called him and looked for him and even sent a private detective agency after him. Sting isn’t in the rafters or the locker room tonight because he’s a coward. Sting will never get a match with Hogan because it would mean bad things for the Scorpion enthusiast. Bischoff says if Sting were here, he’d slap the paint off his face. Sting pops up through the ring and lays out Bischoff to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This definitely wasn’t a good show but it was miles better than the previous week’s. I know they only have an hour at this point, but does WCW know that? At times I’m really not sure given some of the stuff they put out there. This show felt like it had some energy to it this week which has been lacking for awhile. Maybe it’s because they’re coming off a PPV or maybe it’s because the build to Slamboree was incredibly long, but this felt much fresher and it made the show go by a lot faster. They’re back to the full two hours next week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #87
Date: May 12, 1997
Location: 1^st Mariner Center, Baltimore, Arena
Attendance: 8,058
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

I think this is another of those hour long shows due to the NBA Playoffs which is a good idea lately. Slamboree is this Sunday and THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT. The shows have been so insanely boring lately that they need something to be completely changed. 1997 wasn’t kind to the company but everyone remembers it as being awesome for some reason. Hopefully there’s more Sting and Hogan here tonight as without them, these shows suck. Let’s get to it.

Michael Buffer of all people opens the show.

Here are Savage and Liz with the Macho Man on his own feet instead of crutches. He talks about Page jumping him last week and firing him up. Savage wants a fight tonight and that’s it. He talked for 25 seconds max. That’s kind of refreshing.

Apparently Sting wants to conduct a one on one interview with Bischoff. The source of this news: Bischoff. Naturally the announcers accept this with no questions.

TV Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon is defending and Regal talks about how he can outwrestle anyone and will take the title on Sunday. Guerrera starts with a springboard cross body for two followed by a headscissors to send the champ to the floor. Back in and Dragon fires off some kicks followed by an over the shoulder backbreaker for two. Juvy kicks him in the face for two and hits a northern lights fisherman’s suplex for two.

A rana is countered by a Dragon powerbomb and things slow down. Juvy rolls through a rana into a sunset flip for two before escaping a dragon and tiger suplex. They both go up top, resulting in Dragon hitting a superplex to put both guys down. Juvy gets pulled to the floor by Sonny Onoo and Dragon jumps on Guerrera from behind, saving Sonny in the process. Onoo kicks Juvy in the back and back inside, the super rana sets up the Dragon Sleeper to retain the title.

Rating: C. Not bad here but they kept starting and stopping. Juvy is a good choice for an opening act though as he can fly all over the place and do it almost as well as anyone else. That being said, he had no chance at winning the title, but for the most part that’s ok. Sometimes it’s fine to throw out an entertaining match even if the ending isn’t in doubt.

Here are Piper/Flair/Greene to talk about Sunday. Please let this be short. Greene says that everyone pays taxes, everyone dies, and on Sunday he’s going to hurt the NWO. Flair says they’ll be there on Sunday. Piper says he’s isn’t Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz. The NWO shows up and makes fun of the guys in the ring. On Sunday, it’s no DQ and no countout.

Dean Malenko vs. Steve McMichael

Dean takes him to the mat almost immediately but Mongo shoves him down almost just as fast. Malenko goes after the knee but Mongo escapes a Cloverleaf attempt. The leg lariat gets two for Dean but a Jarrett distraction lets Mongo clip Dean from behind. Mongo powerslams Dean but the referee went down during the slam.

Here’s Reggie White but Jarrett distracts him too, allowing Mongo to get in a shot. White hits a clothesline and splash on Mongo (Bobby says it’s not fair as Mongo has already been in there five or ten minutes. It hasn’t even been three yet) giving Dean the pin. This was a mess and it set up Reggie White vs. Mongo on Sunday so if it could be rated, the grade would be very low.

Reggie says he’s fighting for Wisconsin on Sunday.

Lee Marshall does his thing. Remind me again why this guy was getting a paycheck?

Scotty Riggs vs. Wrath

Even Scotty Riggs gets pyro. Man how much money did they have to burn at this point? Before the match, James Vandenberg names his monster as Wrath. As for the match, picture any squash between a small pretty boy and a monster that lasts about 40 seconds. That’s the match you get here. Wrath wins it with his double arm Rock Bottom.

Here’s Glacier post match. He doesn’t do anything but he does in fact show up.

Konnan/Hugh Morrus vs. Alex Wright/Ice Train

Clearly a main event in any arena in the country. Tonight, it’s the main event in the 1^st Mariner Arena. The Dungeon team jumps Train to start with no avail at all. Train and Morrus officially start us off with Ice Train hitting a powerslam to take over. Off to Wright who is booed out of the building. Wright won’t tag out and it lets Morrus take over. A clothesline puts Train down and Wright bails to the floor. Train fights back but Wright claims a knee injury and walks away. The Dungeon double teams Ice Train until the Tequila Sunrise gets the submission.

Rating: D. This was all about the heel turn and not about the match at all. This didn’t lead to a match between Ice Train and Wright, at least not on Nitro. This would be Train’s last match on Nitro that I can find for over three years. Nothing to see here as it was an angle instead of a match, but at least the angle seemed to be what was needed given the crowd hating Wright when he came into the match.

We recap the beatdown on DDP by the NWO last week.

We cut to the back where Piper is down and injured. To the best of my knowledge this wasn’t mentioned at all on Sunday.

Here’s Bischoff for the big interview with Sting. Bischoff stalls a lot and we’re rapidly running out of airtime. To the shock of absolutely no one with a functioning brain, it’s the NWO Sting. The fans say they want Sting. Bischoff says a bunch of things that run Sting down while praising Hogan and Sting nods in agreement with everything. The real Sting comes out and beats up the fake one. Bischoff runs to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The only thing keeping this from being a total failure is that it was half the length of a usual show. There was NOTHING on this show of value at all and it was pretty clear that no one was interested in what they were doing out there. Slamboree would wind up being the textbook definition of a throwaway show and even though the main event wound up being decent, it didn’t mean anything at all past Sunday night. This show however was horrible and thankfully we’re moving towards something new now.

Here’s Slamboree if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/05/03/slamboree-1997-agoobwa/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2001
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s Christmas Eve so of course we’re not live. We have a few weeks before HHH gets back so until thing we’re kind of in a holding pattern. Jericho is champion but given that they don’t even have an Undisputed Title belt for him, how serious can we take his reign so far? The show is in a bad stretch and it’s really only going to get worse in the next few years. Let’s get to it.

In case you didn’t see the link at the end of the last review, here’s the December 17, 2001 show which I had done already:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/12/27/monday-night-raw-december-17-2011-nuns-groceries-and-bingo/

We’ve got an eggnog match later so you can tell things aren’t that serious.

Then again we have Jericho vs. Rock for the title later so maybe things won’t be that bad.

Here’s the hometown hero in his old Miami jersey to open the show. It’s Rock if that wasn’t clear. Rock says he’s come back home and talks about the main event tonight against Jericho. Oh and the Hurricanes will win the Rose Bowl. I believe they did that actually. He asks for his book and is handed The Rock’s Night Before Christmas. The book is exactly what you would expect with the focus being on Rock vs. Jericho.

Before he can finish though, here’s Angle, thankfully with the classic version of his music instead of that bad remix. Angle accuses Santa of being a pervert for seeing you when you’re sleeping. He thinks Vince is better than Mr. Claus because Vince has made the main event tonight a triple threat match. Rock doesn’t really care. Somehow this segment took almost 12 minutes.

Vince is having a Christmas party with Patterson and Brisco as elves. Bubba is Santa which means Stacy as a sexy Mrs. Claus. Booker and the Big Bossman show up so it’s time to bust out the strippers. Booker officially has a contract now. Vince’s music is playing as this goes on.

Rikishi vs. Test

Rikishi pounds him down into the corner but Test avoids a charge and beats on Rikishi. A DDT puts Rikishi down for two and Test shoves the referee. The referee punches Test and it’s a DQ win for Rikishi. This was nothing.

Test pounds on the referee but Rikishi makes the save.

Trish, looking GREAT, shows up at Flair’s Christmas party. Torrie is Mrs. Claus and I think Tajiri is Santa. Big Show struts like Flair and Tajiri gives Torrie some very small lingerie. Albert and Edge try to make Kane laugh and Big Show does his Hogan impression which is still pretty good. Debra brings in cookies and says Austin is on the way. Well it’s not like anyone was watching this episode anyway.

Billy and Chuck give each other matching headbands. Taz talks to Bubba because Bubba has a good looking girl on his lap and that’s not Santa-like. Bubba: “You’re just mad because all my elves are taller than you.” That was a good line. Fink shows up and brings in Mae and Moolah as the new dancers.

Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Billy and Chuck aren’t quite gay yet but they’re inching towards it. The APA looks at each other and pound on Billy and Chuck from behind. Billy and Chuck double team Farrooq before Chuck gets some alone time with him. Chuck gets laid…..out by a DDT and it’s off to Bradshaw and Billy. It’s finishers a go-go and Chuck trips Bradshaw so Billy gets to be on top for the quick pin. That’s good as I was running out of sex jokes.

RVD is ticked off and looking for someone. After a break he goes into Jericho’s room but finds Lance Storm. I guess he got a job on Smackdown. They get in an argument and a match is made.

Show and Albert are in Kane masks talking to the Big Red Machine when Arn Anderson shows up with beer. Austin shows up too with even more beer. We get a live WHAT rendition as Austin reads off a Christmas list while sitting on Tajiri’s lap.

Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

It’s the Barely Legal rematch that no one was asking for. They brawl to start with both guys flying around and hitting kicks to the face for two. Not that it matters as we’re in a chinlock 45 seconds in. Van Dam kicks him down and hits the cartwheel moonsault for two. A superkick gets two for Storm but Van Dam backflips out of a belly to back superplex. Another kick sets up the Five Star for the pin. Another short match.

Test hits on Terri at Vince’s party. That goes nowhere so Paisley interviews Maven about Tough Enough 2. This goes nowhere until Booker yells at Maven, setting up a match later. Is it clear that it’s Christmas Eve and they’re not even trying? Mae is drunk.

Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson

It’s an eggnog match between the Mrs. Clauses. What are you expecting here? They fight by the pool of eggnog, they go in it, they do some “wrestling” and the referee falls in as well. Torrie wins in like two minutes.

Back to Vince’s party and Jericho shows up to complain about being put in a triple threat. Vince tries to soothe him but Stephanie returns, a mere FIVE WEEKS after being thrown out. She has a gift for Vince, which is a monogrammed money clip. Vince doesn’t seem to care and throws her out. She would be back full time in about three weeks.

European Title: Christian vs. The Hurricane

Christian is defending and takes a shot at the Miami Hurricanes which is appropriate in more ways than one. Christian charges at him to start and is immediately clotheslined to the floor. Hurricane hits a big dive to the floor as JR suggests Pat Patterson is a fairy and not an elf. Back in and Christian kicks Hurricane low to take over.

The fans chant the Hurricanes’ (the football team, not the masked dude) fight song as Christian knees Hurricane in the ribs for two. Hurricane hits a quick crossbody but can’t get much more after that. Molly offers a distraction and Hurricane comes back, hitting a Blockbuster for two. Christian throws him to the floor but ducks an attack from Hurricane which takes out Molly. Christian throws him back inside and hits the Unprettier to retain.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but when this is the first match that broke three minutes after over an hour of the show, it’s kind of hard to get into it. Also the ending here was really abrupt with Christian just hitting his finisher out of nowhere for the pin. The title meant nothing at this point and was ready to be retired, which wouldn’t come for almost a year.

Taz switches parties and causes a match to be made between Bubba and Tajiri for later. Austin plays the guitar for some entertainment.

Booker T vs. Maven

Booker has Bossman as a bodyguard in an angle I don’t remember at all. Maven is brand new here still so this isn’t going to be much in the ways of competition. Maven fires off some forearms to start followed by a few dropkicks, which was really the only move he could do well. Booker shrugs that off and kicks Maven down to take over. A superkick puts Maven down and there’s the Spinarooni. An Alabama Slam gets the pin for Booker. Total squash after the first 20 seconds.

Bubba Claus vs. Tajiri Claus

Oh….why not. Tajiri knocks him to the floor and hits an Asai Moonsault. The visuals here are pretty funny and JR says this would be a main event at any arena in the North Pole. I can live with nods to Monsoon. Back in the ring the Bubba Bomb takes Tajiri down and a low blow slows him down even more. The fans of course want tables but they have to settle for a splash/elbow drop from Bubba instead.

Tajiri has lost his hat and Bubba takes his own belt off to whip Tajiri a bit. Bubba misses the middle rope splash as is his custom, which likely had to do with him doing the stereotypical Japanese bow before jumping. The look on Bubba’s face is pretty great. A low dropkick gets two and Tajiri fires off some kicks to take over. He goes up but D-Von crotches him, letting Bubba hit a superplex for no cover. The Dudleys set up What’s Up but Taz runs out and crotches D-Von. The distraction lets Tajiri hit the Mist and the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin.

Rating: C. If you were looking for a serious match here, what is wrong with you? This was a fun match and I’m a Tajiri fan so I was digging this no matter what happened in it. On top of that, Bubba’s facials are are always great. Fun match here which is something this dull show needed badly.

Angle says he’ll strip Jericho of the title tonight. Mae Young: “DID SOMEONE SAYS STRIP???” You can figure the rest out for yourself.

We recap the Undertaker vs. the Hardys feud as the team is back together again after fighting for weeks.

Apparently Mae Young has stopped Vince’s party cold and she takes her pants off on stage. Austin comes in and beats up Vince and the Stooges. Patterson winds up looking up between Mae’s legs.

WWF World Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Rock

It’s a brawl to start with the heels double teaming Rock in the corner. Rock gets in a shot on Angle and avoids a save from Jericho. Angle suplexes Rock down and we head to the floor where the heels take turns ramming Rock into the table. Rock will have none of that and rams them into the table, only to get dropped onto the table chest first. A charging Angle is sent into the steps and Jericho is clotheslined down as Rock takes over again.

Back inside a spinwheel kick gets two for the champ but the Lionsault hits knees. Angle comes back in and pounds away on Rock, who backdrops Jericho to the floor. A Samoan Drop puts Angle down for two but Jericho makes the save. Rock hits a double clothesline to put both guys down but he can’t follow up. The Great One gets up first and punches both guys time after time to fire up the crowd.

Angle finally gets in a shot to the back but Rock whips Kurt into Jericho on the apron. Rock drops a leg on Angle and puts on the Scorpion. Jericho tries to make a save but walks into the spinebuster and the Elbow for two. Angle puts the ankle lock on Rock but Jericho dropkicks Kurt to break it up, starting a fight between the two. The American hits a German on the Canadian but Jericho rolls through into the Walls.

Angle escapes and puts on the ankle lock, only to have Rock take his head off. Jericho’s forearm hits the referee and Rock puts the champ in the Walls, making him tap to no referee. The hold is released and Angle clocks Jericho with a chair by mistake. Rock Bottom takes Angle down but there’s STILL no referee. Angle DDT’s Rock on the chair but Jericho steals the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a good match but the problem with it is that there was no way the title was changing tonight. This would have torn the roof off the place at a house show and the live crowd was probably getting into things, but at the end of the day there was no chance Rock was winning the title here and I think most of the people knew it.

Overall Rating: D. Nothing to see here other than a main event which is just above average at best. Other than that, this is a throwaway show if there ever has been one. Then again, it’s Christmas Eve so it’s not like anyone was watching. I don’t think I watched this one live which says a lot for me. Nothing to see here and next week is a Best of 2001 show which won’t offer much, meaning this is pretty much the end of the year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 10, 2001
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Vengeance now and we have an Undisputed Champion in the form of Chris Jericho. He did the only thing he ever talked about for the next year and a half last night by beating Rock and Austin in the same night. Other than that nothing else happened because no one cared about anything else on the show. Tonight we being a series of about three throwaway shows on the way to the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Flair to open the show with both world titles. He talks about how he’s going to present the new champion with his title tonight (not really but whatever) and brings out Jericho. The new champion has a list of names of people to thank with the most important of all being himself. He brags about proving everyone wrong and thanks Rock and Austin for their performances last night.

Jericho begins his tradition of talking bragging about how he beat Rock and Austin in the same night. He also thanks all of the little people who supported him before moving on to Flair. Jericho tells Flair that Flair has the honor of being presenting him with the titles, making him the first and only Undisputed Champion. Flair puts both belts on Jericho’s shoulders and says that tonight, Jericho is defending the title tonight in a cage. His opponent: Steve Austin.

Hardcore Title: Spike Dudley vs. Undertaker

Taker won the title last night and Spike sits on his bike on the way to the ring. Pain ensues. Taker puts him in the Tree of Woe but Spike gets in a low blow and some weapon shots but they get shrugged off. A HUGE Last Ride onto a trashcan ends this quick. Taker is still insanely over because he’s still the same character he was before his heel turn.

Taker kills him again with a chokeslam because once wasn’t enough.

Vince comes up to Flair to gloat and has Booker T with him. He also has some doberman guard dogs. It worked when he used them on Austin in 98. Vince says that tonight it’s Rock/Trish vs. the Dudleys. Flair says he’ll apologize in a bit. This was an awkward segment.

Booker and Vince go to their sky box and admire the view of the arena.

Kurt Angle vs. Rikishi

Angle has a new remix of his music and it’s not working. Angle says he’s here to avenge Vince. This is Rikishi’s first match back in like seven months but he was back on Smackdown with Rock shoving Vince’s face into Rikishi’s thong, hence the avenging line. Rikishi jumps him to start but Angle is all like oh no you did not jump me and snaps off a great looking German to take over. Angle tries a sunset flip but Rikishi drops down onto him to take over. Angle gets knocked into the corner but bails before the Stinkface. He keeps on bailing to give Rikishi a quick countout win.

Post match Rikishi dances but Angle jumps him. It goes bad for the Olympian as he gets beaten down and takes a Stinkface. From a world title match to this in 24 hours. That’s not good. Angle blasts Rikishi with a chair during Rikishi’s second dance.

They Dudleys and Stacy aren’t worried at all about their title defense later. Bubba makes fun of the challengers in a funny bit.

Lance Storm comes in to see Flair and asks for a match tonight despite not having a job. Flair says no. Ok then.

Regal jumps Edge during an interview and knocks him out with brass knuckles.

Storm still can’t get a job.

William Regal vs. Kane

Regal has to be searched before the match. He says the attack on Edge was just the beginning because he’s going to be dishing out a lot more punishment in the future but gets cut off by Kane. Kane takes over to start and pounds Regal down before beating on him in the corner. A sidewalk slam gets two and Kane goes up, only to get knocked to the floor. Regal loads up the knucks but gets kicked in the face. Back in and Kane hits the clothesline but Regal breaks up the chokeslam with a knucks shot to the ribs and head for the pin. Another short match in a series of them tonight.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. The Rock/Trish Stratus

Trish hides in the corner to start so Rock and D-Von start things off. A backdrop puts D-Von down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. D-Von gets rammed into the table as does Bubba who I guess tagged in somewhere. If he did it wasn’t shown on camera. A Samoan Drop puts Bubba down for two but it’s back to D-Von who has a bit more luck this time. Rock gets pounded in the corner but Rock clotheslines him down. The numbers finally catch up with Rock as Bubba clotheslines him down to take over.

A double flapjack puts Rock down but he comes back with a clothesline to put Bubba down. He can’t tag Trish in of course though so there’s no worry of a hot tag. Stacy pulls Trish off the apron and Bubba gets two off a neckbreaker on the Brahma Bull. There’s a sleeper but Rock eventually suplexes out of it.

The numbers catch up with Rock AGAIN (you may be noticing a pattern here) but he ducks a clothesline, causing Bubba to take D-Von down. A DDT puts Bubba down and all three guys are down. 3D doesn’t work but Bubba breaks up the Sharpshooter on D-Von. A spinebuster sets up the Elbow on Bubba but D-Von makes a last second save. Trish gets tagged in and What’s Up D-Von? Stacy gets brought in and What’s Up Stacy? Test runs out to brawl with Rock in the aisle and 3D to Trish retains the titles.

Rating: C-. You easily could have cut out three or four minutes here and had about the same match. Rock vs. Test doesn’t do anything for me but I don’t think it was ever going to go anywhere anyway. It was clear that the Dudleys were going to retain, which makes the match going long all the more pointless. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t horrible and we got some good shots of Stacy and Trish.

Test kicks Rock’s head off.

Vince and Booker patronize the crowd a bit and Vince talks about all the people he’s going to beat up/has been beaten up because of Vince. Vince insists he’s the real boss and introduces some celebrities here tonight. Never mind as he’s talking about Booker T. This went NOWHERE.

Lita tries to tell Matt she didn’t screw him on purpose last night. Make your own jokes. She says she loves him and he doesn’t seem to care. She goes to leave and Matt breaks up with her. Jeff pops up and tells her it’s ok.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy/Lita

Matt shoves Lita down so he can jump Jeff to start. There are tags for the team here so it’s one on one for the most part. Jeff pounds him down in the corner and this is turning into a brawl very quickly. Jeff charges into a boot in the corner and they head out to the floor. A clothesline off the apron takes Jeff down but Jeff rams Matt face first into the apron. A brawl into the crowd goes nowhere so we head back inside. Matt pounds on him a bit and counters a quick Twist attempt. Jeff gets sent to the floor so Lita hits the Litarana on Matt. The Swanton from Jeff misses though and Lita tags herself in, but gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: D. The Hardys have some of the best tag team chemistry of all time, but sweet merciful goodness they don’t have it against each other. I think the problem is they try to have some big epic match and it just doesn’t work because they don’t come off as guys that hate each other. This went on for awhile too.

Storm asks Flair AGAIN, so Flair gives him an all or nothing match. He wins and gets a job or he loses and is gone.

Lance Storm vs. Big Show

The bell rings and the beating begins. I don’t think they’re going to break the streak of short matches tonight. Storm gets knocked to the floor but comes back in with a thumb to the eye. Show pounds him down again but Storm goes for the knee. A missile dropkick gets two for Lance but he gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin. That was basically a workout for Show.

Vince and Booker have sandwiches sent to them but Booker thinks it’s a trap. He makes the waitress try one and it seems fine. Booker and Vince have the sandwiches. Seriously, that’s the whole segment.

We get a HHH video set to Beautiful Day by U2.

Austin says WHAT a lot and challenges Booker to a fight. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen in the cage match later. He also talks about what he had for lunch at Sonic.

The cage is lowered.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho

In a cage of course. Jericho stalls for awhile so Austin gets out of the cage and beats on the champ on the floor. Austin tries a chair but the referee takes it away, allowing Jericho to get inside the cage to hide. Austin sneaks in behind him as the bell finally rings. There’s the Thesz Press and Jericho is in trouble early. There’s no referee in the ring so this is escape only. Either that or it’s the stupid kind where referees come into the ring to count a pin which takes way too long.

Austin whips Jericho into the corner and the Canadian tries to climb, only to get pulled down very quickly. Jericho gets sent into the cage again as this is all Austin so far. Jericho tries a Stunner so Austin tries the Walls. That doesn’t work either so Jericho sends him into the cage and tries to climb, only to be stopped before he can get that far.

Austin superplexes him back down but Jericho comes back with an enziguri. Jericho crawls for the door but Austin makes the save. Then Jericho crawls for the door but Austin makes the save. Austin rams him into the cage a few times and removes a turnbuckle pad. Jericho goes face first into the exposed buckle about eight times, busting the champion open.

A slingshot sends Jericho into the buckle and then drops him on top of it with snake eyes. WE GET IT ALREADY! Austin goes to leave but Jericho flips him off, drawing Austin back in for a Stunner to the champ. Steve goes for the door again but Booker slams it on his head, allowing Jericho to crawl out and escape to retain.

Rating: C-. This took a long time to get going and once it got going, it didn’t really go all that far. The ending might as well have been a big flashing neon sign after the promo Austin gave just before the match. This would lead to the grocery store fight which isn’t exactly the expected retaliation for this but at least it was entertaining, unlike this for the most part.

Overall Rating: C-. This show falls into the worst category you can be in: the dull but not bad kind. That’s what this show came down to: the stuff wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great either. That makes for a very uninteresting show with no good matches and most of the show being spent on stuff that didn’t go anywhere, like the sandwiches bit. HHH gets back in a few weeks but it’s not like he can fix a whole show. Please don’t let him see that as I know he’d love to try to do so.

I’ve already done the 12/17 show so here it is:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/12/27/monday-night-raw-december-17-2011-nuns-groceries-and-bingo/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 1, 2002
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was requested for some reason that I can’t remember. It’s the first show after the Draft and Flair is officially in charge. I’m assuming that’s the reason, but why anyone would want to see a show from 2002 is beyond me. Anyway, the main thing tonight is finding out where Austin is signing, and considering that pretty much EVERY face of value is on Smackdown, the answer shouldn’t be that hard. Let’s get to it.

If you’re interested in seeing how this show was set up via the Draft, here’s the review of it:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/10/11/monday-night-raw-march-25-2002-first-wwe-draft/

We open with Flair in the back holding the Undisputed World Title. He says this is the beginning of a new era and he’s going to do everything he can to ensure Austin signs with Raw. Also he’s going to present the new title belt to HHH.

Across the Nation debuts as the new Raw theme song.

The Titantron is the tilted one now instead of the regular rectangle. I think you call that a parallelogram.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T

Rob is defending. The idea that everything is new is being pushed strongly here. Feeling out process to start with Rob taking over via a hurricanrana. The stepover spin kick puts Booker down again but Rob charges into a hot shot to give Booker control. A knee drop sets up a chinlock by the challenger as things slow down. Van Dam comes back with some forearms and a monkey flip followed by the top rope kick for two.

Booker gets in a shot to the ribs but the ax kick misses. Rolling Thunder misses as well and there’s the Spinarooni and a side kick for two. The twisting sunset flip out of the corner gets two and a superkick puts Van Dam down. Booker loads up a superplex but gets knocked off and the Five Star retains the title. That was a quick ending.

Rating: C-. This was pedestrian to put it best. The match wasn’t bad or anything but it felt like they were just a step ahead of going through the motions out there. It’s not a bad match or anything like that, but even for a TV match this wasn’t that good. The ending didn’t help anything either.

Post match Eddie Guerrero returns after being off TV for almost a year earlier to beat up Van Dam.

Here’s Vince because he was gone from Raw for over six days and that’s too long. He’s here to pitch to Austin about coming to Smackdown. Security comes out but Vince won’t leave, so here’s Flair. Vince says money will talk with Austin so Flair throws Vince out. Vince won’t leave, so Flair says he’ll get Austin to come to Raw and we get a poll from the audience. Vince still won’t leave so Big Show comes out and carries him to the back. This accomplished nothing other than wasting about five minutes.

After a break we see more of Vince being carried out. What is the point of this? Vince has a mic with him for no apparent reason. He tries to take it back but Show literally throws him out of the building.

William Regal vs. Spike Dudley

Regal is European Champion but this is non-title. Regal is doing the brass knuckles thing at this point and slips them into a turnbuckle. Nick Patrick steals them back when Regal isn’t looking, so I’d bet on a fishy ending. Regal pounds Spike down with ease and beats him up for a bit with Spike trying to use speed where he can. A half nelson suplex sends Spike to the floor which goes nowhere. Back in Regal goes for the knuckles but can’t find them. Spike hits the Dudley Dog out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here as no one cared about the European Title at this point. Not that the title was on the line, but it set up a rematch for the belt next week which Spike would win before dropping it back to Regal a month later. The title would be gone in July so it’s not like this mattered for the most part. Nothing match either.

The NWO goes to what used to be the APA’s office and take it over. Keep in mind that the APA broke up on Smackdown and left their office in disarray and it’s in the same kind of disarray here on Raw, even with the cards on the floor.

Crash tells Bradshaw what just happened and he’s not pleased. Jackie leaves with Bradshaw and no one cares.

Trish is getting ready by bending over when Terri comes in. Trish is on the cover of the Divas magazine and Terri isn’t happy. Flair comes in and makes a paddle on a pole match.

Debra is outside Austin’s locker room and says Austin will decide tonight.

Bradshaw tries to beat up the NWO but the numbers catch up with him.

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Raven is defending. Bubba takes over to start and drops some elbows before sending Raven to the floor. Our first weapons: a bag of oranges. Bubba stops to juggle and then blasts Raven in the head. Bird Boy comes back with a crutch and we head back inside. The Bubba Bomb is countered by a low blow and Raven beats on Ray with trashcan lids. A sleeper from Raven is countered by a stop sign shot as Lawler talks about the paddle match. Apparently the girls will be in bikinis.

Ray gets two off a Samoan Drop but Raven sprays him with a fire extinguisher while Bubba is loading up the backsplash. Ray doesn’t get down though and after a trashcan lid shot to Raven, the backsplash ACTUALLY HITS but only gets two. Not that it matters as the Bubba Bomb gets Bubba the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C. To give you an idea of what the Hardcore Title was doing in 2002, Ray won his first title here and would win his seventh before May. The title would change hands over 140 times in 2002, and it was retired in August. Think about that for a minute. Anyway, this was the start of Ray being built up over the summer before being fed to Lesnar and HHH, which probably was the right move.

Vince is on the phone in his limo. He says he’s not leaving and he’s signing Austin tonight.

Here’s Flair with the Undisputed Title to present to HHH. Flair talks about how important the title is and asks HHH to come out here but instead it’s Undertaker. He doesn’t like what’s going on here because Flair is insulting him by doing this. Taker says he should be champion because he beat Flair at Mania. Uh…ok. The fans give him the WHAT chant so Taker says to say what if you like to sleep with your own sister. Audience: WHAT! Note to self: don’t go to Albany to pick up women.

Oh wait there’s another reason Taker should be champion: he beat HHH at Mania, a year ago to the day actually. Taker thinks that’s showing him up and disrespecting him. The big man takes off the coat but here’s HHH. I’ve always liked the Undisputed Title but the big eagle one, as in the Attitude Era title and the Big Gold Belt are just perfect looking.

HHH says he’s the champion and that Taker can’t beat him again. Taker asks for a title match at Backlash and HHH says it’s on. HHH wants to fight now but Taker bails. The match would never happen because Smackdown got the first title match on PPV. Obviously that begs the question of why this segment took place, and the obvious answer is it’s 2002 Raw.

Hardy Boys vs. Mr. Perfect/Big Bossman

That’s quite the heel team. The Hardys’ music sounds faster here. Apparently it’s just Boss Man now. Jeff is sent to the floor and the two dead guys double team the brothers. Boss Man and Matt start with the Hardy in trouble. Boss Man misses a charge in the corner and starts drooling. Off to Jeff and the Hardys botch a double team move on Boss Man. To say this isn’t clicking is an understatement. A spinebuster from Boss Man gets two on Jeff as Matt saves. Perfect is sent to the floor and the Twist/Swanton pins Boss Man.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Hardys match I can remember in years. They just weren’t clicking at all out there and the match was a total mess. It’s hard to suggest that Perfect and Boss Man were the problem as they aren’t known to be sloppy. Nothing to see here at all and the match basically sucked.

Post match, Brock Lesnar comes out and destroys the Hardys. He had only debuted two weeks ago so this was still new stuff.

Terri vs. Trish Stratus

Paddle on a pole. They’re in bikinis and I think you can figure this one out for yourself. Trish wins in like 80 seconds. Nothing of note happened in between.

Molly comes out and beats up Trish with the paddle before Terri can get spanked. This is a heel turn for Molly.

Vince still can’t get back inside.

Austin wants Flair to let Vince in the building so he can hear Vince’s pitch.

We get a clip from Smackdown with Rock, Hogan and Kane getting ready for a six man. Kane: “Rock are you ready tonight?” Rock: “Well…” Kane: “IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE READY!” Rock’s reaction is priceless, as is his reaction when Kane calls his fans Kannanites.

Kane vs. X-Pac

Pac attacks in the corner but Kane slams him down with ease. A gorilla press has X-Pac bouncing off the mat but he comes back with an enziguri to take Kane down to his knees. A sidewalk slam from Kane looks to set up a top rope clothesline but a distraction from Hall stops the big man. We head to the floor so the NWO can double and triple team Kane which somehow doesn’t get noticed by the referee.

Back in and Kane launches X-Pac through the ropes on a kickout, which is the problem with X-Pac wrestling guys Kane’s size: it’s almost ridiculous to think the offense is going to work. A missile dropkick puts Kane down and with Hall’s help, the Bronco Buster hits. Kane powerslams Pac down after shrugging off the offense and hits the top rope clothesline. Not that it matters as the NWO runs in for the DQ before the chokeslam hits.

Rating: D+. I know the guy is talented, but man alive I’m not a fan of X-Pac against bigger guys. This just didn’t work at all, just like their matches in 1999, as it’s hard to buy X-Pac as a physical threat to Kane when Rock can barely knock the guy down. Nothing to see here and the NWO never went anywhere on Raw.

Bradshaw makes the save post match. Kane’s pyro takes like 15 seconds to go off for some reason.

Vince is back inside.

Here’s Flair with a contract to offer Austin. Vince comes out with a contract of his own and I don’t see this being much of interest. Vince talks about his intellectual sperm inventing pro wrestling (I kid you not he actually said that) and talks about inventing Pay Per View 16 years ago (it was 17 when their first PPV aired but whatever). Austin finally comes out to shut Vince up.

Vince immediately sucks up to Austin by praising the new WHAT shirt. Austin doesn’t care but asks about Vince’s contract. We get the WHAT stuff for a bit when it was still relatively new. Austin reminds Vince of all the issues they’ve had in the past and asks Flair if Flair wants Austin to come to Raw. After doing his best Daniel Bryan impression and saying YES about ten times, Flair gets nowhere. Both offers intrigue Austin but he agrees to sign with Vince. Vince gloats but Austin reminds him that it’s April Fool’s Day and there’s a Stunner for Vince. Austin and Flair drink, Flair gets stunned, Austin signs with Raw to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Read those last two paragraphs. That took almost thirteen minutes to get through. That sums up this whole show: a lot of time being wasted with almost nothing at all being accomplished. Raw in 2002 was nothing but a nightmare with Austin being the only top face on the show and he was a shell of his former self. The Brand Split took a long time to work and it never got to a point where it was great at all. Terrible show here with short and bad matches and an ending that doesn’t mean much of anything, given how obvious it was that Austin was coming to Raw.

Monday Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s another hour long show this week which was a nice change of pace last week. We’re finally getting close to the end of the build to Slamboree which has gone on way too long now. I believe Hogan is back tonight which will help a lot with the levels of interest on these shows. If nothing else the main event is better than Mongo vs. Barbarian. Let’s get to it.

We open with Flair, Piper and Greene at the announce table but there’s a banner that says “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” behind them. They freak out before they say anything and we go to the opening sequence.

Back with the three guys in the ring and there’s another paper drop like last week. Piper goes on a rant about last week and the 75% of the gate demands the NWO made. He doesn’t carry a purse so that’s fine with him. JJ comes out and says the NWO is getting 75% and Piper has to deal with it. Didn’t Piper just say it’s ok with him? JJ leaves and Flair says he’ll be ready in Charlotte. There won’t be a single pothole in the road.

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Public Enemy’s music started while Flair, Piper and Greene were still in the ring and Flair walked past them as they came out. Are they in a time crunch or something? Both teams bring out tables and it’s a brawl to start. They almost immediately head to the floor and Jimmy Hart is put on the table but Konnan makes a last second save. Public Enemy loads up two tables on top of each other and Grunge dives through both, but Konnan was pulled out before the collision.

After all that, it’s time for an actual match to start. Rocco hits a standing moonsault onto both guys for two but Konnan powerbombs him down. There’s a table set up in the middle of the ring but as Rock goes up to splash Konnan through it, Morrus superplexes him through Konnan through the table. Even though Rock is on top of Konnan, Morrus covers Rock for the pin.

Rating: D. I was tempted to not rate this but it was long enough. I have no idea how this wasn’t a DQ in there somewhere but even though it wasn’t, the match was still a mess with a confusing ending. I guess the idea was to fire up the crowd, or to just copy ECW, but either way it was a big mess and it didn’t make a ton of sense.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Hall, Nash and Syxx come out in jeans. Rey is looking around and Syxx gets in a spin kick to start. The Bronco Buster is countered by a kick and the Outsiders come in. Hall gets in a shot to the back and hits the Outsiders Edge. Syxx wins with the Buzz Killer in about a minute. How bad are the referees tonight? Somehow he didn’t notice the two huge men in the ring at the same time?

JJ and Nick Patrick come out to break the hold but the NWO comes out as well. Eric tells JJ to get out of here because JJ has no power. Good grief what is the point in JJ even existing if they’re just going to flat out tell us he has no authority? Syxx yells about McMahon because that’s edgy.

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Hogan runs his mouth about the Wolfpac and calls out Sting but no one answers. That’s all from Hollywood at the moment.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

This is fallout from Regal trying to help Benoit from getting beaten down last week. They go at it immediately and sweet goodness are they going at it. Meng pounds Regal down in the corner but Regal fires right back with punches that stagger the monster back. Not that it matters as here’s Kevin Sullivan, who Regal goes after for the DQ. This lasted about 40 seconds but there was more action in it than most matches you’ll see on Raw in a given week.

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Here are Page and Kimberly. Kimberly looks great in a white dress, even though she stumbles down the ramp. Page talks about being in a lot of bar fights over the years, but none of them were as bad as the one at Spring Stampede. Kimberly refutes Savage’s statements that she loves him, but here’s Savage in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him and that’s about it.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff immediately armdrags him down and struts before we go to some chain wrestling. A swinging neckbreaker puts Wright down and Jeff hits the running hip attack while Wright is in 619 position. Wright comes back with aggression but then stops to dance. Debra’s distraction lets Jarrett chop block Wright and the figure four ends this fast.

Time for NASCAR stuff. There’s an announcement coming in two weeks regarding WCW and NASCAR. Oh joy.

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Apparently Luger was injured in Japan by the NWO so it’s Giant on his own. Giant says he has a partner to replace Luger though.

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Savage pops up as Page comes out but Page steals a crutch from him. Hogan jumps Page from behind with the other crutch and Page is in trouble. The NWO comes out to beat on Page. Where is Giant? Oh he’s in the ring getting ganged up on by the NWO. Flair and Greene come out as well but get beaten down. Piper comes in once everyone else is down and is promptly beaten as well. Hogan runs his mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Nitro is in a bad stage at this point as the shows aren’t really good or bad but rather just kind of there. The star power helped a lot here as this felt like stuff that actually mattered. The problem with that is it’s the same stuff we’ve seen time after time. JJ continues to mean nothing at all which would be the case for a good while to come. The NWO stuff is back to what it used to be, which is to say that it’s repetitive. Nothing of note would really change until August, and even that was just for five days. The show being an hour was a big help here though, as two hours would be too much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #85
Date: April 28, 1997
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 9,467
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is a special edition of Nitro which only runs for an hour due to the NBA Playoffs airing after the show. That being said, after the debacle of last week’s show, cutting this in half is probably best for everyone involved. We’re still creeping towards Slamboree and the main event that only WCW seems to care about. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Starrcade 1993 with Flair beating Vader for the title.

Here are Piper and Flair to open things up. They head to the announce table and say they want the NWO tonight.

US Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Dean Malenko

Jarrett says he’ll win the title from Dean at Slamboree. So even he doesn’t think Iaukea has a chance here. Dean immediately takes him to the mat to start and grabs a headlock. They trade armdrags and Iaukea hooks an armbar. Larry points out how stupid it is to try to take Malenko to the mat and he appears to be correct as Dean quickly escapes and elbows Prince in the corner. Iaukea comes back with a superkick for two but Dean powerbomb the tar out of Iaukea for two. A powerslam sets up the Cloverleaf for Malenko to retain. This was basically a squash.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Syxx

Syxx is defending. Juvy speeds things up to start and a headscissors put Syxx on the floor. A spinwheel kick hits Syxx in the throat but Guerrera botches a flip out of the corner. Syxx hits one of the best looking spin kicks I’ve ever seen and Juvy is in trouble. There’s the Bronco Buster and a vertical suplex gets two for the champ.

A top rope double ax gets two for Syxx but as he goes up again, Juvy crotches him. Guerrera slips off the top again before driving Syxx’s head into the mat on a rana attempt. Juvy tries a flip dive attack but kicks Waltman right in the mouth. FREAKING OW MAN! Syxx finally has enough and the Buzzkiller ends this quick.

Rating: C-. Sweet goodness this was a match of two different wrestlers. Syxx looked fine out there but Guerrera looked almost dangerous in the ring, botching nearly everything he tried and probably hurting Syxx on that flip move. It’s so strange to see Syxx wrestling at all and it’s at least giving these other Cruiserweights something to fight for.

Lee Marshall does his thing with the road report.

Here are Syxx and the Outsiders to the announce desk. Hall might debut the name Wolfpac here. They don’t care what the old guys say, but if the old guys want to fight at the PPV, it’ll cost 75% of the gate money.

Chris Benoit vs. Steven Regal

This should be good. They fight over a wristlock to start with Regal doing his usual amazing counter while laying on his back and spinning around using his feet. Off to a test of strength grip with Regal being shoved down, only to nip up and escape. They trade pinfall reversals and for some reason we go to a wide camera shot. Blood maybe? And here’s Sullivan for the DQ. I mean, why would we want to see Benoit and Regal tear the house down when we can get Benoit vs. Sullivan continuing a feud that has been going on since July?

Meng shows up to save Sullivan and puts Benoit in the Tongan Death Grip to take him down.

Savage says he’ll beat up Page.

Amazing French Canadians vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Luger vs. Oulette to start things off with Lex controlling with basic power, but the Canadians hit a double team hot shot to take over. The Outsiders have accepted Piper and Flair’s challenge for later tonight. Jacques slams Luger down and Lex is in trouble, but not enough to get elbowed off the middle rope by Oulette. Hot tag brings in Giant and it’s a chokeslam for the pin on Jacques as Luger Racks Oulette. Not long enough to rate but more competitive than you would have expected, at least for awhile.

Video on the Bears vs. the Packers to hype up White vs. McMichael.

Steve McMichael vs. Barbarian

Barbarian jumps Mongo as he comes through the ropes and we’re off fast. It’s so fast that Tony ignores the match and reads house show ads. Mongo knocks him into the corner, only to get his head kicked off a second later. Out to the floor and Mongo is sent into the barricade and then into the post. Back inside and a piledriver gets two on McMichael as the announcers argue over whether or not football players make good wrestlers. Barbarian argues with the referee, Debra slides in the case, the referee somehow misses the thud and Mongo wins.

Rating: D+. I can appreciate the idea of giving Mongo what should have been a natural feud with White, but a match like this isn’t making him any better in the ring. This was basically a Barbarian squash until Mongo hit one illegal shot for the pin. It was just over three minutes though, which is about Mongo’s shelf life in a match, which makes it all the more amazing that he and White got fifteen minutes at Slamboree.

Here are Flair and Piper for the fight with the Outsiders. Flair says he knows he can take Syxx because he’s had more title reigns than Syxx has had women. The NWO music hits but it’s an NWO paper drop from the ceiling instead. They say “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” Nash, Hall and Syxx finally come out and Flair beats them all up in the aisle. Piper lets him fight all three at once until the numbers catch up with Flair. After about a minute of Flair getting beaten up, piper comes in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t that interesting. The fact that this was just an hour helped it a lot as we didn’t have time for nonsense that no one wanted to see and was only there to fill time. The longest match is less than five minutes long, but that’s understandable in this case. The problem with the show though was that the main story isn’t that interesting with the six man at the PPV being worthless and did anyone care about White vs. McMichael?

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